Sober on Purpose

Jamie Dahsciwitz shares of Her Grit and Graces shares her vision for the world.  A place where empowered women stand in community, ready to support and nurture each other no matter their differences. How?  By teaching each woman to fill her own cup and drink from it. Transformation happens when women decide to show up for themselves. In her work, Jamie walks with women who have given themselves away to the circumstances of life.  Sometimes this means jail time, addiction, job loss or loss of their children.  How do you regain your balance and fill your own cup? "Finding your voice," Jamie says, is finding your future.  Then you can conquer mountains.

Substance use disorder shows up in many ways.  How do you tackle the issue of folks that drink and drive repeatedly?  New steps to provide addiction recovery treatment that changes lives.   Mike Flannery, of the Yampa Valley Counseling Department, shares the new PLUS 4 Colorado DUI Offender program that is taking a real look at the deeper issues involved with repeat offenders. What is the definition of insanity?  Doing the same thing and expecting different results.  Mike's humorous nature and down to earth approach is anything but a rinse and repeat the cycle often used by the court associate counseling offices. These new programs look at underlying trauma, head injuries, and relationships to enhance and support the person who keeps getting behind the wheel after drinking.  If locking people up for drunk driving worked -    Don't know what CBT is list and learn!    

What is the secondary trauma affect on a family member who is living with an active addict?  What does the family need to do to heal?  What if the family chooses not to change after the addict gets sober? Today Dr. Mike Barnes, Chief Clinical Officer at the Foundry Treatment Center in Steamboat Springs share his eye-opening research about the family surrounding the loved one with an addiction.   We discuss in detail the root of family enmeshment, enabling and overinvolvement in the addict's life that may serve to keep all members of the family stuck in a trauma narrative. How then does the whole family move toward freeing themselves to heal?  Listen in while Dr. Barnes shares the 5 questions that bring about healing change.  

SUPAR Organizers Dr. Steve Wright and Nancy Beste share their views on the issue of substance use prevention and recovery.  Their personal stories, professional fieldwork and mission-driven focus led them to put together a group of cutting edge speakers. Linking arms with doctors, psychotherapists, community leaders, judges, law enforcement personnel and substance use recovery survivors both Nancy and Steve talk about their hope for the future of community-based recovery networks. The goal of the second annual Substance Use Prevention and Recovery Seminar (SUPAR) was to educate medical providers and community members about the newest and most effective medical and behavioral health treatment strategies available to help people avoid and recover from substance use disorders.  SUPARseminar.com for more information.        

Impossible to ignore is the rising death toll in the Opioid Crisis in the United States.   Deaths related to prescription painkiller use increased 313 percent over the past decade. Of all the drug overdose deaths in the U.S. in 2013, a majority (almost 52%) were related to prescription drugs.       takemedsseriously.com Why is this happening?   How do opioids get in the hands of those that become addicted?   Why is it increasing so fast? Presenting at the SUPAR Conference on behalf of the Colorado Consortium for Perscription Drug Abuse Prevention, Robert Valuck, PhD, RPh spoke to the many reasons Colorado and the nation struggle with the opioid crisis.    Calling it the "Perfect Storm" Dr. Valuck describes how opioids get into the hands of people from all walks of life.  He further describes the addictive stages and the proscribed amounts that get circulated into the American household. Where does it end?  The Colorado Consortium is using an integrative approach working with policymakers, educators, clinicians, treatment centers, recovering addicts and the community to reduce the death rate and increase awareness.  Is their reason for hope? Focusing on safe use, safe storage and safe disposal lives are being saved and effective treatment for addiction is being achieved.  For the first time in a decade, the numbers of deaths by opioids are decreasing rather than rising.     

There’s a dark side of entrepreneurism, and it often includes addiction.   Michael was an entrepreneur, gambling addict and drug addict. For him, the exhilaration of building his business and the high he felt from gambling and drugs were two sides of the same coin. Unfortunately, his story is not uncommon in the entrepreneur world, and his story shows how you can take the steps to recover. Addictions actually steal the most important commodity to an entrepreneur: time.  At the height of his addiction, Michael estimated that chasing the high took up about 75% of his time. Without the drugs and gambling, he was unsure of what to fill it with. Many addicts change one addiction for another. He found that by the support of a tribe and community, he could use his time to fill meaningful projects. Join us for more of Michael's amazing story/

East meets west in functional medicine. Today we are joined by Marina Crispi, Functional Medicine Practitioner, who specializes in releasing trauma from the body.  Cancer, arthritis, bulimia, weight, headaches, foggy thinking relationship disruption, addiction and codependency Marina believes can all be traced back to a traumatic incident in a person's life. How does Marina help people release the trauma in their lives and live trigger free?  She literally loves people back to life, through conversations with God and scripture.  Find out more about her work at Marinacrispihnp.com.

Hey Sober on Purpose Peeps - this is just a silly extra.  Everything has slowed down since my silly dirt bike crash!  Uggh nothing broken but my left hand won't work right.   See more about it on Instagram!  I am having the boxer dog type from now on!

The common wisdom around dating and addiction is, DON"T!  Most addicts are told to wait at least a year after sobriety before they start dating.  Hummm, that is not what they say to us married folk.  We have to work it out as we go. Karilyn Ivers choose to leave this advice in the 12 Step rooms and find an unconventional way to see the disease of addiction and relationship.  Her story is one of choice, self-care, and healthy commitment.  Instead of shrinking from something she did not understand she grew and blossomed. Karilyn Ivers is a life coach who teaches people how to create thriving relationships in the midst of their partner’s substance use disorder.  

What kind of mom do you want to be?  In a very vulnerable interview, Shelley Anderson of Recovery Coaches of Instagram shares her story about alcohol, codependency and motherhood. From childhood, Shelley always dreamed of being a mom. Yet, after she gave birth to her son, life seemed overwhelming and unmanageable.  Her dream became a nightmare of hungover mornings and difficult relationships. Until one Memorial Day when she called it quits for good.

What if the mean girl is you?  You standing there looking in the mirror and saying ugly things to yourself.  What do you do then? God gave us free will to choose our thoughts.  We can choose to be positive or negative thinkers. Today we give you a few tools to stop the mean girl in her tracks.

Have you ever talked with your husband on the phone and thought "He just does not get what I am saying!" You can hear it loud and clear on this week's podcast! I even left in the rough stuff.  No marriage is perfect and stressors like job changes, moves, deaths or children can bring out the worst. Jerry's new job change is triggering some deep stuff for me.  Maybe you have been there too?  Issues you thought were resolved can resurface with change. Creative Communication in Marriage That is the name of the game. We do a little brainstorming on the podcast but look for more in the blog post of the same name www.thejoyousfamily.com

Join us as we interview Kim Avery of Kimaverycoaching.com about the differences between coaching and counseling. Kim is part of the Professional Christian Coaching Institute and one of the co-hosts of the Professional Christian Coaching Today Podcast. Kim beautifully illustrated the differences between coaching and counseling with great personal stories.  She also teased out how the forward motion of coaching can improve the implementation of skills learned in counseling.  A funny and fun person to interview Kim's insight on how to use coaching to align your life and open up the possibilities for big dreams is sure to delight you.

How are you handling sobriety as a family? Is it all rainbows and unicorns?  Or are you frustrated with the way things are not changing? You see even though our therapist gave us tools to use in our marriage after sobriety we did not have a clue how to implement them on a daily, weekly, monthly basis.  We were struck.  Willing and wanting to change but no real idea how to take the action steps to make that happen.  

We laughed out loud this week while interviewing Patty H. Scott on the subjects of codependent parents, teenagers and marriage. Patty is the author of three books, the mother of two sons and the wife of a surfer, skater dude turned husband and family leader.  What she says may shock you with its simplicity. Find her work at Pattyhscott.com  

Can I just say AHHHHHHHH! Huge changes mean huge stress. Moves, job changes, deaths, teenagers, it can overwhelm you completely. When your days are full of never-ending do's, stress can be a regular part of your life.  As stress wears on you may want to alleviate it with habits that you thought you conquered. Big stressors can cause a return to undesirable habits. In this podcast, I bust Jerry resurgence of a stress-based habit.

A new addition to the Sober on Purpose Podcast interviews. As we were wrapping up this first segment of codependency I reached out to another podcaster, Tres Adamas, Director of Arizona Christian Counseling and host of Ask a Christian Counselor. While many families struggling with addiction seek counseling it is often hard to know what to look for in a counselor. Listening to Tres one of the first things that caught my ear was his mission statement. Clinical excellence, theological insight, and spiritual enrichment integrated into professional counseling practices with a Christian world view.

As moms, caregivers, possible codependents, we spend our days running around multi-tasking, doing endless errands, cooking and cleaning, working and taking care of our families and the household. You may find yourself more emotional, irritable, or depressed.  Learning how to manage stress can help alleviate symptoms, prevent illness and addiction.  Self-care in families in recovery is not selfish; it is self-preserving.

Stuck! For years, I felt that the Joyous Family was stuck. Just stuck in the same rotating issues over and over again. Crisis after crisis just kept banging on our door. Why, even after sobriety, did family life still feel, well, yucky? What keeps codependent families stuck? Then I walked into a Christian seminar by Jeff VanVonderen call Wounded by Shame, Healed by Grace. If you watch just a few of these videos, you will see something eye-opening.  In the podcast this week we share how VanVonderen's work affected the Joyous Family.  

Parenting is a tough job!  What are the signals that you were parented by a codependent parent?  Are you parenting your kids the same way? Why after all these years do children not come with an operation manual? Are you a codependent parent?  Not just romantic relationships are subject to falling into the unhealthy pattern of codependency.  Parent/child relationships deal with this very issue too. In most codependent relationships there is the issue of where do you end and I begin.  These lines can become very blurry in the process of nurturing and raising a child who starts as completely dependent on you.  In this week's podcast, we discuss the characteristics of a codependent parent.

Exposed!  It is not always easy to hear yourself talk through tough issues that are still happening Could you hear me if I told you codependency is only a symptom? The way you choose to respond to a relationship or better yet depend on a relationship is learned. Learned really? Yes! You learned it really early in your life with your primary caregivers. Now as with all learned behaviors you can blame, shame and feel guilty about yourself and others or you can take action. This week we take a look real live codependent behavior in our house.   

Codependence Anynonmous one of the latest 12 Step Groups chose very carefully not to define Codependence but rather list the characteristics of the behaviors person might find themselves practicing Denial Patterns Low Self Esteem Patterns Compliance Patterns Control Patterns Avoidance Patterns What caught my eye were avoidance patterns.  I thought the codependent was just that dependent on the other.   But wait there is another end of the spectrum the counter-dependent.  

This is the second in a pair of podcasts on Sponsorship.  Give Ep 11 a listen and then pop in here for the next ideas for finding the right fit with your sponsor.   As I mentioned before, the 12 Steps are a roadmap to recovery, while the sponsor is the navigator.  It may take a couple tries to find the right fit with a sponsor.  That is OK.  The important part is to keep trying. Temporary sponsorship is also an option. As my husband Jerry mentioned in the podcast, his gift of desperation led him to ask for a sponsor the night he walked into his first AA meeting. He was getting serious about sobriety. That night anyone in AA would have been an acceptable sponsor for a few weeks or months. Just getting started was the key.

  Are you codependent?  Yes.  We all have a dependence on others.  When does it turn ugly?  When does dependence turn from normal to destructive?    Wait! Didn't God supply Adam with Eve because He felt it was not good for man to be alone?  (Genesis 2:22)   Aren't we supposed to live in a community with other people especially other Christians?  Codependent Defined Codependence is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. - Mental Health America   An alcoholic seeks alcohol to deal with problems, stress, and issues that he does not want or have the skills to cope with today. A codependent seeks a relationship or a cause or a group to invest themselves in because they also do not have the skill to cope with their painful issues. Unable to deal with their own reality, codependents look for a relationship or a cause that needs them desperately.  In this situation, their role is the hero or savor.  

Are you ready for silly!  In this episode, Elijah of the Elijah Thinks Podcast interviews us on Marriage and Valentine's Day.  A great Valentine's Day Gift For Him!   This Valentine's Day kids activity is simple yet powerful.  How do we know who we are except by the stories we tell ourselves.  The Bible itself is full of family love stories.  For Valentine's Day kid's fun, tell your love story.  Break out the photo albums and let the kiddos see what real love looks like in your family.   (Struggling to find your love story drop now to the section on Not Singles Awareness Day in the show notes  Want more from Elijah Thinks a Kid's View on Life?  https://www.thejoyousfamily.com/elijah-thinks/

Dare to love the most difficult person in your life this Valentines's month. We all have them a person in our lives that we struggle to love. Maybe it is only a season with a difficult toddler, teen, spouse or co-worker. In Al-anon we say that living with an addict/alcoholic is too much for most of us, alone. Here is a thought to chew on that addict, alcoholic, codependent, rageaholic is a person that struggles to be loved. However, we label the "ism" or malady inside that person who is "using" resides a deep hurt that causes barriers to love. Dare to love with us today! www.thejoyousfamily.com

A sponsor is like a great driving instructor.  Having already learned to drive the road to sobriety years ago, a sponsor helps you figure out all the buttons and switches on the car, navigate the highway signs, safely move away from accidents, encourages maintenance and self-control. Plus, They are always encouraging you to make the best choice considering traffic conditions. Think of a sponsor as a navigator through the 12 Steps of a recovery program--a truth teller for your blind spots, a history holder for your confessions and a cheerleader for the new you that is emerging.  

Do you suddenly feel angry, resentful or hurt?  This may be a sign that someone crossed one of your boundaries.  Physical boundaries like a fence around the yard or a locked door signal us that this property belongs to someone else.  The same is true in the emotional landscape.  Physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries among people let us know where I end and you begin. Setting and keeping clear and healthy boundaries is today's topic.  Is this the key to recovery in all addictive behaviors?  

Are you walking through the valley of death in 2019 desperately looking for an escape route? Are trapped in a mood-altering addiction that keeps you from starting the journey? Where are you willing to challenge yourself and your relationships this year? How do you need to prepare yourself for the journey? What guides or companions do you need to proceed with the challenges you are going to tackle in 2019? How will you stay motivated?

In this week's podcast, we continue on the theme of roles in the family relationship. When any major change happens in a marriage or a family the responsibilities of the members shift.    Sobriety is a big change!   The person with the most visible addiction may have been the scapegoat of the family.  While the person "holding down the fort" is often seen as a saint.  Sobriety brings us what has always been true.  All members of a family have roles to play which encompass both our flaws and our virtues. Let me ask you this:  If you knew God was completely for you and you trusted Him to provide all your needs could you love your family better? Or if you were more vulnerable with God about who you are and what was really hurting you could you trust Him to hear and see you fully? If God really saw all of you would you still be His precious child?

Do you feel like you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop in your marriage? Sober now, relapse tomorrow? Fear of relapse is real. In fact a high number of people who get sober relapse. Different reasons for different folks cause them to take their eyes off sobriety. In the podcast, we talk in-depth about whose reasonability sobriety is anyway. There is a lot of dignity in working through your own hurts, habits, and hang-ups.  How do we give each other the opportunity to face our demons without running away from the relationship? How big a deal is a relapse anyway?  Join us for experience strength and hope as we wade into the deep waters of relapse. Continue the conversation www.facebook.com/soberonpurpose  

This is the third in a series of podcasts about resentments.  This one gives specifics on how to rid your self of resentments.  Here is why: By holding onto the resentment I have to wait until they realize what they did to free me from my self-imposed prison.  The one thing a resentment does well; it provides me with an opportunity to re-injure myself over and over with my own thoughts and feelings. How do you even begin to disable these things? What does it look like to be free from resentment? In today's episode, the third in a series, we get really specific about how to remove resentment from your life. Be sure to leave a review and check out the website thejoyousfmaily.com/resenment

  HOW WE CREATED A NO STRESS CHRISTMAS DAY AND YOU CAN TOO! We saved our family Christmas Day by doing nothing. Six or seven Christmases ago we started doing “nothin’ ” for Christmas Day.   It came as a revelation to my husband and I when the boys were really little. You can do this too!  It is lots of fun.  Release the stress.  Stay sane and have a wonderful family day! Join us for Christmas Serenity Hacks Here! https://www.thejoyousfamily.com/christmas-seranity-hacks/

As we are all super busy this time of year the Christmas Serenity Hack is packaged in a One Minute Audio message. Bonus! The hack is designed to bring you back to emotional sobriety in a minute or less. You don't even have to stop what you are doing! Listen to the Christmas Serenity Hack. Do it! Then get back to your daily life with more joy and peace.     That is what the season is about right? Peace? Secure serenity for yourself with these quick daily audios. Be sure to sign up for these emails over on the www.thejoyousfamily.com/ChrismasSerenity Hacks  

Benefits to Working Through your Resentments 2 of 3 In the second podcast episode on resentments, we dive into how resentments can become part of how you define yourself.  There are great benefits to working through a resentment toward a person, situation, or institution. Getting unstuck from a feeling or situation Freeing yourself to move forward Stoping re-injuring of yourself with a past hurt Forgiving of yourself and others Growing in compassion for others because you are not stuck in your own issues  Oddly, enough there are also reasons to keep your resentments and make them part of your identity.  The holding on to resentments often helps us avoid things that scare us or creates a reason why we won't/can't move forward in our lives.

This minisode Jerry talks about being new to sobriety and facing people and challenges that cause him to question his and others motives. Here are a few highlights from this minisode with Jerry. During recovery from addiction, difficult things still happen.  You may continue to cause others and yourself pain.  Other's responses to your new sobriety and the changes you are making may also be difficult. How do you navigate the new emotional landscape of your life sober? Are other people really doing the best they can? How do you navigate difficult relationships while still learning how to deal with your emotional sobriety? When is no action the best action? Hey, as always share your thoughts in our private facebook group!

Turkey Day is upon us.  No one wants to struggle with Family Holidays.  After recovery from addictions, the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays may trigger unwanted feels and emotions. Here are our Top Ten Tips for staying Emotionally Sober during the Holidays.   Designed to help you accept the things that you can't change and the courage to stay sober and addiction free during high-stress times. Got some strategies of your own?  Share it with us in the Sober on purpose facebook group!

Comfortably Unhappy I hate this concept.  It is the golden cage of work, home and play.  The sound for comfortably unhappy is “meh” ( expressing a lack of interest or enthusiasm). Just saying it makes me cringe--MEH.  It is that chocolate chip cookie that is not good but not bad it is just a cookie.   This is why I don’t eat cheesecake. It is sweet and creamy, but for my taste, it is just meh at the cost of a whole lot of calories. Don't waste your sober on purpose life on comfortably unhappy relationships in work or play.  

Getting sober often leaves us and our families with a long list of hurt feelings.  We can resent people, organizations and ourselves. Hanging our hats on resentments, holding them close and nurturing them only serves to feed them.  Just like expectations, resentments tend to repopulate given the chance.  They grow and grow and grow bigger like a balloon. The long slim needle of truth about a resentment is they are a recycling of old negative feelings that we choose to reboot in our minds over and over again.  How do addicts and their families pop the resentment balloon?

Hey, this is Jerry with the first short workin´ it minisode.  Just my opinion on who you can and cannot control in the addiction recovery process. Maybe you have been sober a while or maybe you are new to sobriety.  Tanya and I want to do these short mindset focused minisodes between the longer Sober on Purpose episodes to give you a quick minute or two of support. Often one thing said by one person in a recovery group or by a trusted advisor can turn my mind around. I hope these little shorts trigger healthy thoughts and bring you day up. Hey, remember to trust God, clean house, and tell the truth.  Plus we would love it if you leave us an iTunes review!!

The relief of you or the loved one getting sober lifts a momentous wait off the family.  Now everything is going to be OK. He, she or they will stop doing whatever they were doing that caused the family so much harm. For years, the families desperate mantra for sobriety may have gone something like this: IF he would just … stop using drugs, pron, spending money, working 90 hours. IF she would just.. stop nagging, drinking, shopping, yelling. Our expectations breed more expectations.  We expect a whole new person after the addictive behavior stops. What we often get is a confused, fragile person trying to sort out their lives. When our expectations are not meet we can get frustrated or even angry. This creates an endless no-win cycle. A child quickly learns that; if you can’t ever win, why play.  #soberlifehappylife #soberonpurpose Jerry and I discuss the dangerous fantasy land of expectations after you become Sober on Purpose.

If you intend to lose weight, get up earlier, travel or stop or start something in your life, this quick episode is for you! Good intentions are grand ideas without a plan.  How do you change those ideas into actions?  Practice! This episode is me, Tanya, with few life-changing thoughts about being Sober on Purpose.  There is no magic pill!  Finding your way takes Purpose and Practice.

Sober on Purpose podcast is real life for real families. This is crazy, right? Launching a podcast on top of thejoyousfamily.com blog. Nope! Actually, it is perfect. What better way to get to know all of you. Many couples walked before and alongside of Jerry and I as we became Sober on Purpose. Those couples came for dinner, talked us down out of our respective trees, listened to our struggles together and separately and sometimes watched our kids so we could get to a counseling session. While we can't drop babysit so you can slip out for a date night or a counseling session we can encourage you through the earbuds on your phone. Battle scars come with life. What also comes with a life well lived is wisdom and strength. Jerry and I want to extend that hand of friendship to you through this podcast. We are those people! The magic pill for sober serenity just does not exist. Learning to live sober takes practice.  If you want to stop fighting each other and start learning to fight for your family instead of with them.  This podcast is for you. Welcome!  Glad you are here!