Podcast appearances and mentions of grace disguised

In this DA+3 Group Guide, you'll find key points and discussion questions to spark meaningful conversations with other dads. Explore insights on unplugging from technology, checking in with Jesus, expressing emotions physically, sharing Jesus stories, and more.   Key Takeaways   Check-in with Jesus: Pray about decisions, journal the voice of God, and pay attention to frustration flare-ups.  Get Outside: Take a break from technology and spend time in nature.  Read Ephesians 3:14-19: Pray that God would bring a word or phrase to you as you read these verses. Get a Baseball Bat and a Plastic Trash Can: Physically get out the heavy stuff.  Share Jesus Stories: Tell others when God has shown up for you.   John Eldredge   John Eldredge is an author, counselor, teacher, and the president of Wild at Heart. He and his wife, Stasi, have three sons and are proud grandparents. John loves all things beauty, nature, adventure, and more.    Key Quotes   5:45 - "Another resource, is a book, A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser. I've spoken about this book before around grief, but he has a metaphor of when there's something that flares up, a frustration flare up, or a heaviness, where is this coming from? He would say press into it further versus run away from it. So, instead of chasing the sunset, the sun is setting to the west. Instead of trying to stay in the sun, press into the darkness, is what his metaphor is. Press into the darkness, the areas of hurt, of heaviness, of frustration. Let's actually explore those a little bit with Jesus." 9:45 - "Palm trees roots intertangle with other palm trees roots to keep them from blowing over in a storm. They'll bend all the way over to the ground in a storm, but they won't actually snap off or die because their roots are entangled with each other. Maybe that's a promise for you guys, is as we grow brotherhood and grow friendships with other men, as we become DadAwesome by creating a community of men who are together, being that dad for their families but for each other, encouraging each other, praying for each other, holding each other accountable, that we could be rooted and established in God's love, rooted in community and in God's love."   Links from Today's Conversation   299 | Escaping Sedation, Meeting Jesus in Your Pain, and Sharing Fresh Jesus Stories (John Eldredge)  Aro Box A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss by Jerry L. Sittser 304 | Pursuing Visions, Journaling Daily, and Hearing God's Prophetic Voice (Ken Helser) 30 Days to Resilient in the One Minute Pause App   Connect with dadAWESOME   Make a Donation to dadAWESOME Join the dadAWESOME Prayer Team Receive weekly encouragement by texting "dad" to 651-370-8618  

This week we conclude our sermon series Lent: Promises of Abundant Life as Pastor Dustin preaches from John 20:1-2, 11-18

After Katherine's stroke nearly 16 years ago, she was desperate for a “survival guide”—some voice to offer real hope in the aftermath of such disorienting loss. Jerry Sittser, the author of A Grace Disguised, was one of the few trustworthy resources she found after searching far and wide. Dr. Sittser became a bona fide member of the young suffering club when he lost his wife, mother, and young daughter in a catastrophic car accident. The lowest point in his life has developed an astoundingly robust faith and authentic joy.  Sounds like someone we could all learn from, doesn't he? What we'll cover… The possibility that grief could become integrated into healthier, more whole versions of ourselves Allowing our responses to loss to become what defines us, rather than the loss itself defining us Discovering new capacities to develop hard-fought contentment after losing the good things in our lives Practical ways to offer comfort to the people in our lives who are suffering If your loss is swallowing you whole today and you're in desperate need of a survival guide, this episode is for you. --- Want a little hope in your inbox? ⁠⁠Sign up for the Hope Note⁠⁠, our twice-a-month digest of only the good stuff, like reflections from Katherine and a curated digest of the Internet's most redemptive content: https://hopeheals.com/hopenote Get to know us: ⁠⁠Hope Heals⁠⁠: https://hopeheals.com/ ⁠⁠Hope Heals Camp⁠⁠: https://hopeheals.com/camp ⁠⁠Mend Coffee⁠⁠: https://www.mendcoffee.org/ Instagram⁠: https://www.instagram.com/hopeheals/

In this episode, Jason had a conversation with Jerry L. Sittser, a retired professor of theology from Whitworth University, renowned for his expertise in Christian spirituality and history. In this conversation, Jerry shares the relevance of early Christian practices in today's world and highlights the importance of the church embracing a new catechumen. He unpacks the challenges and opportunities for the church posed by a post-Christendom world, advocating for a deeper, more resilient approach to faith. Jerry also shares personal reflections on grief and loss not as something to avoid, but learning to carry it redemptively. His dedication to bridging academia and the church infuses our dialogue with hope and understanding, inviting us to explore what it means to follow Jesus in our time. Bio | Jerry has been a professor emeritus of theology and senior fellow at Whitworth University, specializing in the History of Christianity, Christian Spirituality, and Religion in American Public Life. He is now retired and spends much of his time with his 11 grandchildren. He has written nine books, among them are A Grace Disguised, The Will of God as a Way of Life, Water from a Deep Well, and his most recent book, Resilient Faith: How the Early Christian “Third Way” Changed the World. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Give⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ today⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to CCLN and help seed a hopeful future for the Church in Canada. Partners:  Thanks to the Canadian Bible Society for supporting this episode. Learn more about their ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bible Course⁠⁠⁠. Show Notes: ⁠⁠⁠A Grace Disguised Revised and Expanded: How the Soul Grows through Loss Resilient Faith: How the Early Christian "Third Way" Changed the World Water From a Deep Well: Christian Spirituality from Early Martyrs to Modern Missionaries Get Connected! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Blog & Episode write-up⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Mailing List! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Subscribe on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Share a Canadian Church Story⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Rev. Jermine Alberty joins Abby Miller and Matt Burke from the Center for Congregations to share about his experiences as a pastor and Mental Health First Aid trainer. He discusses the importance of mental health awareness both for congregational leaders and the members of congregations. Resources Mental Health First Aid (organization) Jermine Alberty (website) NAMI (organization) Pathways 2 Promise (organization) Sanctuary Mental Health Ministries (organization) Latino Mental Health (article) A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser (book)

In this  episode, Janet, Jenn, and Jacqueline offer a beautiful exploration of grief,  examining some of its deepest challenges.  As they share personal stories, you'll hear about the growth, grace, and gratitude that can emerge from loss.Join them as they look at Jesus and Mary for inspiration. In this conversation they also touch on the  importance of companionship and support in the grieving process, and discuss how giving God our grief can open us up to receive powerful blessings and tangible grace. Listen and be blessed.  Join us at one of our other Freedom in Christ conferencesSupport our mission and donate today!Check out Unbound and find other resourcesRelease: October 2023Music by Christian HarperArtwork by Rosemary Strohm at Command-S

In this episode, Christina and Lori have a conversation with Kelli Monical (registered nurse, Stephen Ministry Leader, etc.) about how we can effectively walk WITH someone during times of sorrow, tragedy, (and other difficult struggles). Mentioned on the podcast:https://www.stephenministries.org/stephenministry/default.cfm/917?mnbsm=1.https://a.co/d/9t7fJfL. The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rodgers by Maxwell Kinghttps://a.co/d/15VhULD. A Grace Disguised by Jerry SittserAuthor Max Lucado quote 

This week's preacher: Dr. Davis Chappell Our Scripture reading: John 20:1-18 Read our weekly sermon study guide to dive deeper into the sermon each week!

In this episode, Lori and Christina chat with mental health expert Mandi Pierson about Trauma Informed Care and the importance of creating safe spaces for individuals (and ourselves).---------------------------------------------------------------------------Mentioned in the podcast:Window of Tolerance Dan Siegel. https://drdansiegel.com.A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser. https://a.co/d/8yyqqGN.https://porchlightcolumbus.com/.Liturgy of the Ordinary. https://tishharrisonwarren.com/liturgy-of-the-ordinary.

Key Takeaways   Walking through valleys is where deep brotherhood is found. True joy is on the other side of acceptance. Think of yourself with sober judgement. It's important to bring awareness to mental health, now more than ever.   dadAWESOME   We're on a mission to add LIFE to the dad life. We're passionate about helping dads live fully alive as they lead their kids to God's awesomeness.  | YouTube |  Instagram | Facebook   Brook Mosser   Brook and Elizabeth Mosser help lead Intentional with Phil and Diane as well as Pastor at Riverbend Church in Bend, OR. Elizabeth is Phil and Diane's daughter, which makes Brook their son in law, which means they are all family learning to do this thing called life and relationships together. They reside in Bend, OR with their four children Duke (13), Scarlet (10), Birdie (6), and Sloane (4). Brook and Elizabeth are passionate about leadership, marriage and seeing their own four kids become all in disciples of Jesus and helping other's do the same.   Key Quotes (Full Transcript of the Conversation Here)   8:36 - "The ministry piece that you're talking about, intentional is something I want to be, not something I always am. dadAWESOME is something that you want to be, but you're not always. And so it's kind of like, Hey, this is who I want to be, who I'm trying to live up to." 17:07 - "What I mean by acceptance is that you, with the Holy Spirit and with Jesus present, you're sitting there saying, I see the pain, I see all this going on. And I say, Yes, Jesus, I accept it, and I'm going to ask for your power and grace today to love these people well. And I'm going to let this actually be something that you use to form me into a deeper person of faith."   Conversation Links   Intentional Raising Passionate Jesus Followers Intentional Podcast with Jerry Sittser: Part 1 Intentional Podcast with Jerry Sittser: Part 2 A Grace Disguised   Links from dadAWESOME   https://dadawesome.org/life/ Make a Donation to dadAWESOME Join the dadAWESOME Prayer Team Receive weekly encouragement by texting "dad" to 651-370-8618

This week, Chris is joined by long-time Whitworth University professor Dr. Jerry Sittser.He has written nine books, among them A Grace Disguised, The Will of God as a Way of Life, and Water from a Deep Well. Brazos Press just published his latest book, Resilient Faith: How the Early Christian “Third Way” Changed the World, which explores how the early Christian movement developed such a clear and unique identity in the ancient world and, against all odds, grew into a formidable force long before Christianity became a legally recognized religion. He enjoys music, literature, gardening, hiking, woodworking, and he attends the Oregon Shakespeare Festival every year. Married to Patricia since 2010, he has three married children, two married step-children, and eight grandchildren.Check out more of Dr. Sittser's work at https://www.jerrysittser.com Or follow him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/jerrysittserPick up some Gravity merchandise hosted by Skidoh at: https://www.skidoh.com/gravity_consulting_training/shop/home Email us at chris@gravityct.comMusic credit:  https://pixabay.com/music/corporate-news-corporate-8307/

More about A Grace Disguised: With vulnerability and honesty, Jerry Sittser walks through his own grief and loss to show that new life is possible--one marked by spiritual depth, joy, compassion, and a deeper appreciation of simple and ordinary gifts. This 25th-anniversary edition features a new introduction and two additional chapters, one which provides help for pastors and counselors. Loss came suddenly for Jerry Sittser. In an instant, a tragic car accident claimed three generations of his family: his mother, his wife, and his young daughter. While most of us will not experience such a catastrophic loss in our lifetime, all of us will face some kind of loss in life. But we can, if we choose, know the grace that transforms us. Whether your suffering has come in the form of chronic illness, disability, divorce, unemployment, crushing disappointment, or the loss of someone you love, Sittser will help you put your thoughts into words in a way that will guide you deeper into your own healing process. This revised edition of A Grace Disguised plumbs the depths of our sorrows, asks questions many people are afraid to ask, and provides hope in its answers: Will the pain ever subside? Will my life ever be good again? Will the depression ever lift? Will I ever overcome the bitterness I feel? What is God's plan in all of this? The circumstances are not important; what we do with those circumstances is. In coming to the end of ourselves, we can come to the beginning of a new life. Purchase a copy of A Grace Disguised here. Don't forget to subscribe + leave us a rating and review! Be sure to visit the full show notes and listen to other episodes at thetriciagoyershow.com. And check out my newest book Heart Happy at triciagoyer.com/heart-happy! Mentioned in This Episode A Grace Disguised | Jerry Sittser John 11 --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thetriciagoyershow/support

Here we go again! The much anticipated part two.  Today Jerry shares eight things that he has learned after looking back over thirty years after his catastrophic loss. Jerry Sittser is the author of A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss. Jerry has suffered catastrophic loss and is no stranger to pain. He has done an outstanding job of helping those who suffer understand the more important story of their lives. In this episode, Brook and Elizabeth sit with Jerry and have a candid conversation about suffering, loss, trauma, and the way forward. Enjoy!  Follow us on Instagram:@intentional_parents@brook_mosser@Emosser@philmcomer@dianewcomer Grab a copy of our book: Raising Passionate Jesus Followers (Now available in audiobook!)https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Passionate-Jesus-Followers-Intentional/dp/0310347777 Website: intentionalparents.org Donate: https://www.intentionalparents.org/donate Blog: https://www.intentionalparents./blog GET: The Intentional Film Serieshttps://www.intentionalparents.org/film-series A Grace Disguised:https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Disguised-Revised-Expanded-through/dp/0310363594/ref=sr_1_1?crid=JM8GUYJZ1TKB&keywords=a+grace+disguised+by+jerry+sittser&qid=1660079101&sprefix=A+grace+%2Caps%2C191&sr=8-1

Today we have a treat for you! Jerry Sittser is the author of A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss. Jerry has suffered catastrophic loss and is no stranger to pain. He has done an outstanding job of helping those who suffer understand the more important story of their lives. In this episode, Brook and Elizabeth sit with Jerry and have a candid conversation about suffering, loss, trauma, and the way forward. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:@intentional_parents@brook_mosser@Emosser@philmcomer@dianewcomer Grab a copy of our book: Raising Passionate Jesus Followers (Now available in audiobook!)https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Passionate-Jesus-Followers-Intentional/dp/0310347777 Website: intentionalparents.org Donate: https://www.intentionalparents.org/donate Blog: https://www.intentionalparents./blog GET: The Intentional Film Serieshttps://www.intentionalparents.org/film-series A Grace Disguised:https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Disguised-Revised-Expanded-through/dp/0310363594/ref=sr_1_1?crid=JM8GUYJZ1TKB&keywords=a+grace+disguised+by+jerry+sittser&qid=1660079101&sprefix=A+grace+%2Caps%2C191&sr=8-1

Episode 134-Lessons from "A Grace Disguised", hosted by Mark Vance. Welcome to the Equip Podcast from Cornerstone Church of Ames. This podcast is designed to help you live a faithful and fruitful life where Jesus has called you.Connect with Cornerstone Church Online at cornerstonelife.com. Subscribe to our "Sermon" and "Equip" podcasts on iTunes and Spotify and follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

Even more, tragedy has happened in the world since we chatted last. I want to share more hope and healing in the midst of this. I am sharing wisdom from "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser. And, of course, from the word of God. Share, like, and tell a friend. Let's share hope and healing amid these awful tragedies.John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 33:27 The eternal God is your refuge,
 and his everlasting arms are under you. Isaiah 60:19-20 "…for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light,
 and your God will be your glory. …For the Lord will be your everlasting light.
 Your days of mourning will come to an end." 1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/angel-h-davis/message

Did you know there is a science of awe? Really, there is. Science keeps pointing us to what God has said is true. Both lead us to help for our mental health and positive effects for healing from trauma. I share research and tips for healing the body, soul and spirit. Invite a friend. And share on your social media so more people can receive the healing and hope that good sound psychology and Biblical truths can bring them. Resources: "Understanding and Treating Posttrumatic Stress Disorder", and "Awestruck: How Embracing Wonder Can Make You Happier, Healthier, and More Connected." Jonah Paquette, Psy. D. "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser "The God of All Comfort" by Dee Brestin "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe", by C.S. Lewis https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-awe/201704/the-emerging-science-awe-and-its-benefits https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/essential-skills-that-make-you-resilient/?slot=0&xid=nl_EHNLwomenshealth_2022-02-16_26726913&utm_source=Newsletters&nl_key=nl_womens_health&utm_content=2022-02-16&utm_campaign=Womens_Health&utm_term=creativeA --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/angel-h-davis/message

“It is not the experience of loss that becomes the defining moment of our lives, but how we respond to loss that matters.”Loss came suddenly for Jerry Sittser. In an instant, a tragic car accident claimed three generations of his family: his mother, his wife of 20 years, and his four-year-old daughter. Left as a single father to care for his three surviving children, Jerry was nearly overcome by the tremendous weight of grief. While most of us will probably not experience such a catastrophic loss in our lifetime, we will all face some sort of loss. Whether in the form of disability, chronic illness, crushing disappointment, or the death of a loved one, the experience of loss is universal. Jerry is joining Crystal to help put words around sorrow and offer hope for growing with grief. If you are wondering if you will ever heal or what God's plan is in the depth of your pain, be encouraged by this conversation. Through God's transforming grace, new life is possible.Resources:Read A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through LossVisit Jerry's WebsiteListen to Carrying Grief with Bekah BowmanListen to Coping with Grief and Loss with Halley MastrolonardoListen to Who Am I? with Jimmy Peña Questions or comments? Email Crystal at podcast@joniandfriends.orgSupport Joni and Friends to help make this podcast possible. Joni and Friends envisions a world where every person with a disability finds hope, dignity, and their place in the body of Christ. Join us in answering the call in Luke 14:21-23... until his house is full! Founded by author and international disability advocate Joni Eareckson Tada, the ministry provides Christ-centered care that serves needs and transforms hearts through Joni's House, Wheels for the World, and Retreats and Getaways. Joni and Friends also equips individuals and churches with disability ministry training and provides higher education courses and internships through the Christian Institute on Disability. Find more encouragement through Joni's radio podcast, daily devotional, or by following us on Facebook,  Instagram, and YouTube.

dadAWESOME   We're on a mission to add LIFE to the dad life. We're passionate about helping dads live fully alive as they lead their kids to God's awesomeness.  | YouTube |  Instagram | Facebook | Twitter   Matthew Hooper   Matthew's personal and professional pursuit of holistic growth are at the center of his life and work with others. He holds degrees in Communication from Biola University (1994) and Christian Ministry and Leadership from Talbot School of Theology (2001). Spiritual Development and Pastoral Counseling were the specialized emphases of his graduate work. Matthew also received a certificate in spiritual direction from the Archdiocesan Spirituality Center in Los Angeles. Currently, he is studying to complete a doctoral program in Higher Education Leadership at Azusa Pacific University. Over the past 17 years, Matthew has cultivated his vocation toward influencing the holistic development of emerging adults, leaders and professionals. In 2016, Matthew launched a professional consulting business (TRACK 3 Leadership Development) integrating insight from leadership, psychological, and theological perspectives for the purpose of holistic growth in individuals and groups. Recently, Matthew has excelled as a primary group facilitator for Growth Skills Foundation. He finds unique inspiration for his work in creation, music, spiritual friendship and the daily pursuit of humility as the highest virtue for human growth and spiritual flourishing. Matthew, his wife, Sheela, and their three children, Annie, Breeana and Jarren, live, work and play in Sutter Creek, CA.   FATHERS FOR THE FATHERLESS   —MINNEAPOLIS, MN — August 28th, 2021 — DENVER, CO — September 18th, 2021 — PHILADELPHIA, PA — October 2nd, 2021 — NEW YORK, NY — October 16th, 2021 — PHOENIX, AZ — November 20th, 2021 Register Here: https://f4f.bike/   Show Notes:   Text “DAD” to 651-370-8618 to join the text list and for all dadAWESOME day updates! Sign up for the F4F 100 mile Ride by 1:07 - Check out episode 180 for the first half of the conversation with Matthew Hooper 2:26 - Travel tips for living in a trailer 4:12 - Everything is better as a team. Be a team in the routines of setting up and taking down. 5:00 - Recommendation: Stay at least two nights at each site. 5:28 - Expect that things will break down. 7:35 - "I would say having very consistent patterns with safety in mind, with consistency and structure in mind for your family, because there's going to be plenty of unstructured reality." 8:56 - Dad Wisdom #1: Own your role as dad. "No one can be a dad like you. No one. You're the dad in your family. So own it." 9:17 - Dad Wisdom #2 - Decide what you want to do as a dad. How do you want things to be?  10:34 - Dad Wisdom #3 - Listen to your kids 12:35 -  A Grace Disguised by Sittser 13:36 - Listening to clues in the physical body to recognize grief 14:31 - How he handled tragic loss 17:18 - You need to pace your work with sadness, you need to move towards it with intentionality. Invite other people into that and then give yourself permission to take a break.  17:56 -  Article: Navigating sadness on the journey of life    "Facing the sadness, embracing the sadness, pacing sadness." 18:35 -  "Please turn toward your heart, please. The more you're able to do that with you, the more you can do that with your wife and especially your kids. Your heart is the most important part of who you are, and that includes your deep feelings of thought willing and emotion coalescing in the heart. And so to be to be a man of heart, I think, is what I would what I would call dads to above all else."   Episode Links:   TRACK 3 Leadership Development FATHERS FOR THE FATHERLESS Make a Donation to dadAWESOME Join the dadAWESOME Prayer Team

In part 1 we introduced you to Emily Lassiter of Birmingham, Alabama. We had some straight talk about finances as a widow. In part 2 we understood what God was doing while He had Emily benched for a season. In this final episode, we will learn how she practically lives out the concept of God as her husband, the first time she really laughed after losing her husband, and some great advice for new widows and those who walk with them. We tackle the doctrine of the sovereignty of God a little and give some book recommendations. Emily says this to her girls: God is in control. His plan is perfect. And He loves us.  www.wealthedit.com www.somersetadvisory.com Books: To Soar Again by Gracia Burnham; A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sitser; Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom

We're excited to tackle the concept of growth as a “grown-up” in this episode. Peter Pan has always been one of Vanessa's favorite characters. Admittedly, she always finds it sad when Wendy grows up without him. The good news is that while Peter Pan is, in fact, a fairy tale (complete with Tinkerbell), so is the concept of being a “grown-up”! Today we cover the idea that you're never fully grown and “grown-ups” don't exist. We focus on personal development and the importance of relationships in personal growth. Here are the links to the books we discussed in this episode.... A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=/g/1ydw3hczx&hl=en-US&q=A+Grace+Disguised:+How+the+Soul+Grows+Through+Loss&kgs=59532fc23bbfa70e&shndl=0&source=sh/x/kp/osrp&entrypoint=sh/x/kp/osrp Becoming Better Gownups by Brad Montague https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Better-Grownups-Rediscovering-Remembering/dp/0525537848/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=becoming+better+grownups+brad+montague&qid=1619554752&s=books&sprefix=brad+montague&sr=1-3 Dare to Lead by Brene Brown https://www.amazon.com/Dare-Lead-Brave-Conversations-Hearts/dp/0399592520/ref=sxts_sxwds-bia-wc-rsf-lq2a1_0?cv_ct_cx=dare+to+lead&dchild=1&keywords=dare+to+lead&pd_rd_i=0399592520&pd_rd_r=e7399ce1-3034-4703-84a6-fe6b7a6b0e57&pd_rd_w=GhLh9&pd_rd_wg=biTOg&pf_rd_p=5a08de46-cc81-4b8f-b52d-be42c1429ca8&pf_rd_r=DAYAK795V3QWKVQH9NB8&psc=1&qid=1619554807&sprefix=dare+to&sr=1-1-58992a4d-ca33-47e1-bb07-1c05af86dd33 Mindset by Carol S. Dweck Ph.D. https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322/ref=sr_1_1?crid=38R9JW34WUEPR&dchild=1&keywords=mindset+carol+s.+dweck&qid=1619556725&sprefix=mindset%2Caps%2C175&sr=8-1 The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer https://www.amazon.com/s?k=ruthless+elimination+of+hurry+book&i=stripbooks&crid=1D26RRTXEAPI6&sprefix=ruthless+%2Cstripbooks%2C168&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_9 The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini https://www.amazon.com/Kite-Runner-Khaled-Hosseini/dp/159463193X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=19V7WBN3JIY30&dchild=1&keywords=the+kite+runner&qid=1619561367&s=books&sprefix=The+Kite+%2Cstripbooks%2C160&sr=1-1 --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/f4nc/support

What do we do when we face the biggest tragedies in our lives? How do we overcome the immense pain and sorrow we may feel. 2020 alone has been a year full of hardships, loss, and unknowns. In tonight's episode of "The Link," Pastor Chris Brooks is joined by Billy Creech and Justine Miles for a conversation about loss, grief, and what it means to lament. Both Billy and Justine share their stories of loss and how they learned healing through the song of lament.  Resources: "Learning the Song of Lament" by Justine Miles - https://tinyurl.com/y798qc8q"A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser - https://tinyurl.com/y6kafbax"Grieving the Child I Never Knew" by Kathe Wunnenberg - https://tinyurl.com/y4hjgn5k"Dark Cloud, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament" by Mark Vroegop - https://tinyurl.com/y5qt6epvCareNet Berkley|Detroit - https://carenetberkleydetroit.org/ Support the show: https://woodsidebible.org/listen/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bible Reading: Ruth 1 – 4 (MSG);  Prayer: O Lord, Give UsO Lord, give us yourself above all things.It is in your coming alone that we are enriched.It is in your coming that your true gifts come.Come, Lord, that we may share the gifts of your Presence.Come Lord, with healing of the past,Come and calm our memories,Come with joy for the present,Come and give life to our existence,Come, Lord, with hope for the future,Come and give a sense of eternity.Come with strength for our wills,Come with power for our thoughts,Come with love for our heart,Come and give affection to our being.Come, Lord, give yourself above all things,And help us to give ourselves to you. References:Jerry Sittser, 2004, a Grace Disguised: how the soul grows through loss, expanded edition.David Adam, 1998, Tides and Seasons: Modern prayers in the Celtic tradition, 6th edition.

Bible Reading: Ruth 1 (MSG);  Prayer:Derived from Jerry Sittser, a Grace Disguised, p.79May we be ready to see and willing to receive these gifts.Remind us, suffering triumphant God of love,that this requires a kind of sacrifice.The sacrifice of believing that,However painful our losses,Life can still be good.Good in a different way than before, but nevertheless good. References:Jerry Sittser, 2004, a Grace Disguised: how the soul grows through loss, expanded edition.

Bible Reading/Prayer: Lamentations 1:20-22, 2:20, 3:19-30 (MSG)  References:Dave Bryant, 1978, Jesus Take Me as I Am.Jerry Sittser, 2004, a Grace Disguised: how the soul grows through loss, expanded edition.

A Grace Disguised (Part 1) - Jerry SittserA Grace Disguised (Part 2) - Jerry SittserA Grace Disguised (Part 3) - Jerry SittserFamilyLife Today® Radio TranscriptReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Forgiveness Guest:                         Jerry SittserFrom the series:          A Grace Disguised  (Day 3 of 3) Bob:   Proverbs 25:11 says, “A Word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” When someone has experienced loss we need to be careful that our words are fitly spoken.  Here's Jerry Sittser… Jerry:  Sometimes words can actually exacerbate the problem rather than help the problem.  I mean, Job's three friends did their best work when they just shut their mouths for a week and sat with Job on that heap of ashes.  The cue is, when they're ready to talk, then you're ready to listen. When they really feel like they are ready to receive a word, then you give it, but never before that.  And what you don't want to do is use words to try to somehow push the loss and its significance away. Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, July 8th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I'm Bob Lepine.   We'll here today how God shows up in the midst of loss.  And about how we can show up, too.   And welcome to FamilyLife Today and thanks for joining us.  Just as I was walking in here, I got an email from our mutual friend, Dr. Michael Easley, who is the pastor at Fellowship Bible Church in Franklin, TN, and Michael sent me a prayer that he had written to send to a couple who had experienced the loss of a child a year ago today.  The child had lived two months and unexpectedly died.  And Michael wrote this prayer for them.   He said, I pray for you today that your memories will be sweet, that your hearts will be calmed, that you will find a non-anxious presence.  That you will choose to trust and see good when there is nothing for sure, that you will grieve, but not as those who have no hope, that you will find comfort and mercy in places others may never know.   That your “why” questions will be replaced with a confidence in knowing that, He knows, and that's enough.  We love you and ask Him to pour mercy, kindness and hope into your hearts.  He does indeed know you and love you no matter what your experience may try to tell you. Dennis:  Bob, you know as I listen to those words, I think, how many people listening to this broadcast right now have experienced loss, some kind of major loss in their lives, in the past 5 to 10 years.   As I said earlier, if you live long enough, you will experience loss.  In fact, life is really made up of a lot of losses as we lose our childhood, and move into adulthood.  Some of those losses look good at the time but some of the losses aren't easily figured out, in fact, some are never figured out on this side of heaven.  We've had a guest with us, Dr. Jerry Sittser who has helped us better understand the process of grieving through his book, A Grace Disguised. Welcome back. Jerry:  Thank you, it's good to be here. Dennis:  I mentioned earlier, that Barbara had recommended this book to me after our daughter, Rebecca and her husband Jake, experienced the loss of their daughter after seven days of life.  And Barbara joins us on the broadcast as well.   Sweetie, welcome. Barbara:  Thank you, glad to be here. Dennis:  In fact, I hadn't asked you this question, sweetheart.  As you read this book, what was it about Jerry's book that most ministered to you, and why have you recommended it to so many people? Barbara:  Well, I wish I had my copy in front of me, I tried to find it this morning, and I can't find where I set that thing.  But at any rate it's all underlined and marked, and page corners turned back.   And one of the things I remember most vividly is early in the first few chapters, Jerry, you talk about how loss is loss and that it doesn't do any good to compare losses, and to say that this loss is worse than that loss.  Because loss brings grief and it brings pain and that grief and that pain is real and it needs to be experienced.  It is what it is.  To try to explain it or measure it and say it's not really that bad or it's worse than this, doesn't really make any difference in the long run.  I think we are so prone to wanting to measure and figure these things out.   The other piece I remember real vividly is a later chapter in the book, it talks about how our identity is changed by grief and loss and how so much of who we are is wrapped up in our identity with that thing or that person or that ability we have lost.  Whether it's a divorce or a death, or whether it's losing the ability through physical illness and how that personal identity is transformed through the process of loss and grief.  I thought that was really helpful and profound. Jerry:  I call that the amputation of the familiar self. Barbara:  That's what it was, yes. Jerry:  It's extraordinarily hard, because we are really defined by our location, our relationships, our work, these things provide sources of identity and when one of those is lopped off, it requires a pretty long and significant period of adjustment to figure out who you are in the wake of the loss of that thing, when that thing defined you to some degree.   We have these phantom pains, you know.  Phantom pains are the leg telling you it's still there when you look down and it's not there anymore.  That's what an amputation does and we will go through a long period of time when we feel those phantom pains of still feeling like we are this person, we belong to this person, we do this particular line of work and this kind of thing, even though we don't anymore. Bob:  How long was it for you in the weeks that followed the car accident where your wife and your daughter and your mother all were killed?  For how many months did you have this kind of reflexive phantom impulse to say, oh, I ought to call her and share this with her and then realize she's not there? Jerry:  Well, for a long time.  Reflexive is the right word, too.   It is like a reflex, where it's programmed in you, so automatic.  When after twenty years, when you call your spouse once or twice  a day just to check in, “Hi, honey, how's it going and what are you doing, what are the kids doing, or how's work going,” that sort of thing.  You can't help but have your mind go there; just automatically, it happens a long time.  I would say after those months even though it wasn't as reflexive as it once was, it still was an impulse in me.   And to tell you the truth, Bob, it still is, after 18 years.  Now, I don't say that in despairing or bitter kind of way.  I still think about those people every day.  There's not a day that goes by, I don't.  And I don't think that's a bad thing.  I don't like words like recovery; I think that gives us a kind of vain expectation as if we can get back to something we had before.   Dennis:  Some months before our granddaughter, Molly, died, I received an email from the gentleman who heads up FamilyLife in New Zealand.  His name is Andy Bray, he and his wife Nikki have given leadership to FamilyLife there for more than a dozen years.  Their daughter who was 15 or 16 years of age, at the time, was killed in a tragic flood in New Zealand along with 5 or 6 other young people who were all first class Christian leaders.   It was a reward trip for these young people, and I received that email some months before Molly's death.  And I have to tell you that in those seven days of Molly's life, I kept thinking, that has to be harder, a harder thing to bear, to have had a relationship with your daughter for 16 years and now, to say goodbye.   I mean it's one thing for my daughter and son-in-law to have a relationship for seven days and say goodbye, and the more I tried to work this equation out in my mind, I came to the conclusion that it was futility.  It was a waste of time.  Am I wrong? Jerry:  No, you are right.  Comparing loss is vain.  It's like comparing headaches; I mean people will describe their headaches in lots of different ways.  Well, how are you going to determine which one is worse?  I mean it's silly in the first place.   I put it this way; all losses are bad, just bad in different ways.  How can you compare say the loss of a spouse to death and the loss of a spouse to divorce?  How can you compare the loss of a child to death or say the loss of a child to waywardness, they are both bad.  And they stand on their own and we need to treat them as unique and sacred in and of themselves.   I tell you that was one of the reasons why I hesitated to write this book.  My story is kind of sensational in a way, I mean this big event and three people are killed in this drunken driving accident. Everybody sort of gasps and I became almost an instant celebrity in Spokane overnight and I didn't like that.  And the reason why I didn't like that was because I was so profoundly aware of other kinds of losses that were as severe  as mine, just different, and maybe not visible and maybe not as prone to receive sympathy from other people.  Let me give you an example, some guy came up to me a couple of years after the accident and said I've resented you for two years.  And I said, “why, I hardly know you”, and he said, “your tragedy turned you into a hero, my tragedy has only brought more pain.  My wife left me for another woman,” he said, “and I've had to deal with catastrophic consequences, but I'm nobody's hero.”   That was very sobering for me to hear, it wasn't very nice for him to say, but it was very sobering for me to hear, recognizing that there are lots of losses that do not receive very much public attention.   If they do, it's not with sympathy.  I hesitated to write the book and when I decided to write it, I inserted Chapter Two:  Whose Loss is Worse, just to protect myself from being made some kind of false celebrity because of my loss.  There are lots of ways to suffer, lots of ways to experience pain, and mine is only one.  And there are lots of things I don't know, I don't know what it means to experience, let's say the long term effects of terminal illness or injuries from which a person cannot recover.   Bob:  You know, it was interesting, Barbara, to hear you reflect back on what had an impact on you as you read Jerry's book.  I asked Maryann last night, the same question.  I said what was most impactful as you read the book, and she said probably the chapter on forgiveness.   I thought it's interesting, I don't know that we make a connection between grief and loss and forgiveness, but you see those as being intimately tied together, don't you? Jerry:  I do, and I titled that chapter:  Forgive and Remember, instead of forgive and forget.  I don't think it's possible and I don't think it's healthy to forget anything.  But I think forgiveness can change the way we remember things.   Especially when we've had pain inflicted to us, spouses betrayed us, somebody's done some violent act, say raped us or something like that, or someone has embezzled money and that destroyed our business.  There are lots of ways we suffer loss when the results are catastrophic and somebody willed to do harm to us, directly or indirectly. Bob:  In your case, it was a drunk driver who swerved across the road, right? Jerry:  And smashed into us.  Now he didn't intend to do that, his harm was not malicious in the sense that he was out to kill three members of my family.  But his irresponsible decisions did lead to that and required me to forgive. Bob:  What did you have to go through to get to forgiveness? Jerry:  I think there were two phases to it; the more immediate and obvious one was the trial when the drunken driver was acquitted on a technicality and he walked away.  That only added kind of a bitter cast to an already difficult journey in forgiving somebody who had had such a significant impact on my life.  I learned in the process that forgiveness is not a singular act, it's a process you go through.  And I think the most significant decision we make, is to say, we want to forgive.  Not that we forgive at the time, but we want to go through the process where forgiveness begins to take place.  And we get to the point where we can wish the person well and pray for them. Bob:  You have heard some amazing, well; you've gotten some amazing feedback to the book.  Letters, you were saying earlier, not a week goes by that you don't hear from someone who God has used your story and your book profoundly in their lives.   Jerry:  Yes, but it's a strange thing, there's a kind of an otherness to this book.  I actually brought it with me.  I've reread it once since I wrote it and that was when the new edition came out about five years ago, about the only time I ever cracked it.   I skimmed it a little bit yesterday and it was a strange experience, because it's almost as if I didn't write it, it has a quality of otherness to it.   As if it's not quite mine, I think the closest it would come would be the way that parents feel about their children.  Is that those children are so much a part of you but when you look at them and get to know them you realize they're so other than you, too.  And that's how I feel about this book.  Dennis:  You did tell a story before we came in the studio of a letter you have received from a woman who had a brother who was murdered.   Jerry:  And this was after 28 years.  And through those 28 years of suffering she described it as being very harsh, very hard.  She feels like she lost her mother permanently in the wake of her brother's murder and this sort of thing.   She decided that she needed to forgive the murderer of her brother, so she did research, found out where he was in the prison system and asked if she could have permission to visit him.  He sort of coldly gave her permission, and so she went to see him and God gave her two words, on the ride to see him, and these are very powerful to me. The first is, you're never beyond the reach of the grace of God, and the second is you can always become the man God wants you to be, even if you're in prison.  And she met this man, forgave him, he broke down and sobbed, came to know the Lord and their relationship continues to this day.   That's a powerful example of forgiveness, but it's a little troubling to me too, because it doesn't always happen quite that easily.  Sometimes it is a process.  It's a journey and you have to go through phases of forgiveness to get to the point where you can really wish the person well and trust them to the good hand of God and pray for them Dennis:  Your story and just what you said reminds me of Romans 12: 18, and these are powerful in my life because there's a person I've had to forgive, more than one obviously over my lifetime, but one where this is very real to me.  “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.  Beloved never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God for it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord.”   It's interesting, Jerry, as I have very imperfectly attempted to be obedient to that passage and have prayed for not only to be able to forgive and to be at peace.  As I thought about the wrath of God I've prayed for that person to be delivered from the wrath of God, because I know what that means.  It potentially could mean an eternity separated from God.   Jerry:  Oh, what a terrible burden a person has to bear for wrongdoing.   I would always choose to be the victim of wrongdoing, than to be the perpetrator of wrongdoing.   Early on that came to me, by the way, is I thought about what it would mean for me to change positions.  And I didn't want that at all.  You know, ironically, we like to claim justice.  We really want, we think we want to live in a fair world, but I'm not sure we want the world to be fair.  On the one hand maybe some bad things wouldn't happen to us that have happened to us over the years.   But grace isn't fair either and I'd rather live in a world that is unfair, knowing that I am going to take some hits along the way, as I have, and will continue to experience if I know that grace is available to me too, because  the unfairest thing in the world is grace.   I think about our Lord who had to wear a crown of thorns, the only one in all of human history who was not deserving of that crown of thorns, so that we could wear a crown of honor.  Dennis:  Hmm, what a picture Jerry:  There is no fairness in that at all. Dennis:  And the reality of that is that it all occurred through suffering.  Jerry:  It all occurred through suffering.  In fact, that is the answer to the problem of evil.  This is where the Christian answer to evil is so paradoxical and so glorious and beautiful.   The Bible's answer to suffering, is suffering, the suffering of God in human flesh.  God chooses out of his pure love for fallen humanity, to actually enter into the world.  And instead of entering it with a glorious birth, announced and heralded by sounding trumpets, he was born into a pathetic stable.  He grows up in obscurity.  He is a carpenter's son, he never gets a first rate education.  He didn't really get an education at all, except in the synagogue. He has a three year ministry, and then he suffers death on a cross.  We are talking about God doing this.  This is the Bible's answer to suffering, God's suffering and then the triumph in the resurrection. Dennis:  The apostle Peter says this about that suffering of Christ, “Beloved do not be surprised at the fiery trial which comes upon you  to test you as though something strange were happening, but rejoice, in so far as you share in Christ's sufferings, that you may be able to rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed.” Jerry:  And Paul writes, “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”  This is one of the strange things that's occurred in our own experience, is a rejoicing in the experience. Not because we're glad it happened, we'll never be that, bad is always bad, but because of what's come as a result. Bob:  You are talking about what is come in your own life, your own experience of God's grace in the midst of all of this.  But also, what has come through you in the book that you have written, A Grace Disguised:  How the Soul Grows through Loss.  God has used powerfully in the lives of folks sitting around this table and tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of folks who have read the book.  And God's used it in a great way to minister to them in their own sense of grief and loss.  Jerry:  But I will say, that no book, however, well read or however life-changing will ever justify, explain or excuse the pain that was visited upon us.  These are separate things altogether.  I don't like it when people sort of explain something because of the good outcome.  Joseph really gave us the right formula here, you meant it for evil, God worked it out for good, but the evil was still evil. Bob:  Yes, that's right and we don't want to do anything to try to minimize the reality of that, but in the comfort you've received from God you have been able to be faithful to do what 2 Corinthians 1 says, to comfort others with the comfort you've received.  And you do that through your book and we want to encourage listeners who are in the midst of a season of suffering or a season of loss to get a copy of the book, A Grace Disguised: How a Soul Grows Through Loss.  You can find out more about it online at FamilyLifeToday.com.   While you are on our web site you will also see information about Barbara Rainey's new book written with your daughter Rebecca Mutz.  It tells the story of the life, the short life, of your granddaughter Molly, who was born a year ago at this time and lived for seven days.   The book is called A Symphony in the Dark:  Hearing God's Voice in Seasons of Grief, and we do have copies of that book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center as well.  You can get more information about it online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call toll free, 1-800 FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329.  Someone on our team will let you know how you can get either or both of these books sent to you.   We also want to be quick today to say thank you so much to those of you who help underwrite the syndication and production costs of this program, to make it possible for the program to be heard on this station and on our network of stations all across the country.  Our listeners and especially those of you who can help support this program financially, you make it possible for this program to continue and we appreciate you so much.   This month if you are able to make a donation of any amount to help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today, we'd like to say thank you by sending you a CD that features a conversation  we had not long ago with Nancy Leigh DeMoss, the author and the speaker on the daily radio program Revive our Hearts.   Nancy has written a book called Choosing Forgiveness and we wanted to explore what the Bible teaches about the subject of forgiveness with her.  That conversation is available as our way of saying thank you this month when you do make a donation to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today.   If your donation is online, you'll see a key code box on the donation form as you fill it out online.  Type the word “forgive” in the box and we'll send you the CD, or if you call 1-800-FLTODAY you can make your donation by phone and just mention that you would like the CD and we are happy to send it to you.  And again we appreciate you so much for partnering with us, here at the ministry of FamilyLife Today.   Tomorrow we are going to talk with a young woman who lives in NYC, about a different kind of loss than we have talked about already this week.   We are going to talk about being young and single, and wishing you were married, and dealing with the sense of loss that comes with that.  Carolyn Leutwiler is going to join us tomorrow, hope you can be back with us as well.   I want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock Arkansas Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. © 2009 FamilyLife   We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.  However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.  If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © FamilyLife.  All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com     

A Grace Disguised (Part 1) - Jerry SittserA Grace Disguised (Part 2) - Jerry SittserA Grace Disguised (Part 3) - Jerry SittserFamilyLife Today® Radio TranscriptReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Walking By Faith Through Irreversible Loss Guest:                         Jerry Sittser From the series:          A Grace Disguised (Day 2 of 3)  Bob:  Jerry Sittser understands grief and loss in a profound way.   He and three of his children escaped from a car accident that took the life of his wife, his mother and one of his four children.  How long would it take for someone to recover from a loss like that?  Here's Jerry Sittser.  Jerry Sittser:  Through a long and often difficult journey I really did discover the Christian faith is true.  Grace really is available to get us through these hard stretches of life.  The ultimate message of Christianity is not self help.  It is God's help.   Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, July 7th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I'm Bob Lepine.  Jerry Sittser says when the landscape of life has been permanently altered God's grace is there to help you make some sense of the loss and to give you peace.   Welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us.  We have been talking a lot not just this week but in recent weeks about the subject of loss.  We're trying to help listeners understand that your responses to the loss you will experience in life will help shape you and your family and your marriage and your whole life. Dennis:  It will.  In fact, our guest on today's program is really the result of losses that Barbara and I have experienced in recent days.  In fact I want to welcome Barbara to the broadcast again.   Barbara Rainey:  Thank you. Dennis:  Thanks for joining us again Sweetheart and thanks for recommending Jerry Sittser's book A Grace Disguised. Jerry I want to welcome you to our broadcast.  Welcome back. Jerry Sittser:  Thank you.  It's a privilege.  Jerry is the professor of theology at Whitworth University in Spokane Washington.  As we mentioned earlier Jerry's book was used in our family as it was recommended to Barbara by a friend.  She started reading it after our daughter Rebecca and her husband, Jake, lost their daughter Molly after only seven days.  This book really helped Barbara and me as well as Jake and Rebecca process through how the soul processes grief.   We mentioned earlier how you lost your wife, your mom and your daughter in a tragic car wreck in 1991.  That really is the genesis of this book.  I have to ask you a big picture question.  If you could summarize what you think God is up to when He allows us to experience grief what would you say?  You've experienced it on a profound level that few people will ever experience it.  What do you think He's up to in grief? Jerry Sittser:  I am not sure I can answer that question in a word.  That's a very difficult question actually.  I think over all I would say that God is in the business of reclaiming people who have turned away from Him.  He created us in His image.  He created us to be gloriously beautiful people who participate in the divine glory.  The perfect relationship that exists between Father, Son and Holy Spirit and we've turned away from that.   That divine image has been marred and made perverse.  He wants not simply to save us.  He wants to reclaim us and restore us and one of the ways that happens like it or not is through suffering.  I honestly think suffering is necessary in the Christian faith.   It happens in lots of different ways some we can choose like the suffering that comes when we deny our appetites and practice self discipline.  John Calvin called it self denial.   Sometimes that suffering is imposed upon us through some kind of loss or tragedy.   Either way we need some kind of suffering not masochistically but honestly realistic to become the holy people God wants us to be and to draw us into a vital relationship with Him.   Bob:   Grief that we experience when we go through a loss to what extent are we in…I don't want to use the word control but to what extent do we have power over that grief?  And to what extent does the grief have power over us?  Do you know what I'm asking here? Jerry Sittser:  Well, I'll start by saying this.  I don't think God causes these things as if He were some kind of divine manipulator who hovers above the ground and zaps us with cancer or divorce or job loss or loss of portfolio or loss of a loved one.  I think that is a very poor mechanistic view of the sovereignty of God.  I think God is in it.  God's sovereignty is in it.  I don't think God causes it in that kind of crude kind of way.  I will say God uses it.  God's in it in that sense.   Our choice is whether we're going to respond to the work the sanctifying work God is trying to do in our lives.  Does grief and loss have power?  Of course it does.  It can change the entire course of our lives.   But I think the greater power is the way we respond by faith to God's work in our lives.  It's a hard thing to say.  It sounds so easy and so trivial.  Oh you know God's trying to sanctify us.  I almost resist saying it because I don't what it to come across kind of cheap as if I'm quoting a Bible answer or a Bible verse and that verse is going to make everything right.  Well, God works all things out for good for those who love Him.  I mean that is a true statement.  I believe that with all my heart but I also believe that is extraordinarily hard to work out in normal life.   Bob:  There were times when I'm sure the grief had to be…I don't know if I want to say overwhelming or just so compelling that you felt powerless against it.   Jerry Sittser:  Of course.  I think any true catastrophic loss leads to that.  That's the difference between a normal loss from which you'll recover like you're high school athlete and you break your leg and lose the season.  It's a big loss and it's hard but you're going to get your leg back again and you might be able to play another season.   There's a big difference between that kind of loss though significant and the loss of a spouse or the loss of your health.  I call those irreversible losses and I'll tell you they have power.  We're fools not to acknowledge the power they have.   Barbara:  Interestingly I was with our daughter Rebecca a couple of weeks ago and she and her husband, Jacob, had renewed hope.  They had gotten pregnant with baby #2 and then at 14 weeks gestation the baby died.  She had to deliver this still born baby at 16 weeks.  Go through the labor and delivery which was traumatic in and of itself but as I was there for a week and we had many really wonderful conversations.   During that time one of the things Rebecca said to me that was really profound was we're not as fragile as we think we are.  We feel like in these really hard times that we won't survive but she said I've learned that we can handle a lot more than we think that we can handle.  Because God strengthens us to go through these things that he takes us through.   She said I'm just amazed that I can go through this and still live.  Because you feel like you won't live.  You feel like you're going to die because of the burden of the grief.  She said I've learned we are stronger than we think we are.  We aren't as fragile as people as we imagined that we would be when looking at a situation like that. Bob:  Did you feel like you weren't going to live in the days that followed your wife's death? Jerry Sittser:  No I think that maybe that's a little too extreme.  I knew somewhere deep inside my soul that God was still God.  I had to live in this dynamic tension between acknowledging the severity of the loss on all levels.  Not just intellectual but emotional.   Grief has its way.   It is corrosive.  It gets to you.  You can push it away for a month or a few months.  You can work hard.  You can develop bad habits and do whatever you want to run away but eventually it's going to get its way.  It's going to tell you that those people are gone and they are never going to come back again.  So that's one side of things.   Acknowledging the severity of the loss on the other hand also requires us to live by faith and to recognize there is a bigger story being told.  God is somehow in this even if we don't see how He is.  Even if we don't have any evidence at our immediate disposal that God is God and God is good somehow we have to believe that that is still the case.    You have to live in that tension.  If you pretend it's not severe it's like painting over mold.  You don't want to give that mold too much power either.   Recognize that you can get rid of that mold and put on fresh paint and make that wall beautiful again.  It's a very delicate process to navigate through the months and sometimes the years involved. Bob:  So you're not saying to somebody keep a stiff upper lip and deny the anguish of your soul in the midst of grief. Jerry Sittser:  I don't think so.  I don't think the Bible teaches that either.   You look at the book of Psalms and fifty percent or about 75 of them are devoted to the Psalms of lament…The anguish of the soul in the face of unanswerable questions or so it seems at the time and unimaginable loss and grief…the trail of enemies and this kind of thing.   We have a kind of emotional handbook right in the Bible that's acknowledging the severity of these kind of losses.  I think it's not wise to pretend that they don't exist or they aren't serious.  They don't have the final word.  That's what a Christian believes.  The final word is the Resurrection.   Dennis:  Jerry, you describe a scene in the mortuary where you visited the three caskets and you asked to have them opened.  You were there alone for about an hour.  You said that point ushered you into a darkness.  Describe what took place in that setting in the mortuary? Jerry Sittser:  Well, it's difficult.  You have to use images because language just fails as it does to all people who've gone through some kind of severe loss.  I felt like I was floating just in the universe and utterly cut off and alienated.  I looked around to see billions of stars.  The world seemed like a cold impersonal place.  It was really an awful experience for me.  But it also turned out to be a significant turning point for me too.   That very night or a few nights later I had a kind of waking dream.  It was a dream but it was not like a typical dream at all.  It was very vivid and real to me.  It is to this day.  In this dream I was chasing frantically after the sun that was slowly setting in the west.  I remember as I was running that there was the frantic panicked terrifying feeling.  It was as if that sun beat me to the horizon it would never come back to me again.   Finally the sun did sink below the horizon and I stopped exhausted and looked with a sense of foreboding to the darkness from the east that was sweeping over me.  Then I awoke from the dream and I felt a kind of extastential darkness.  It was if I was going to be in this darkness for the rest of my life.  It was really a terrible feeling.   I told a cousin this dream a few days later and he reminded me of a poem written by John Donne a very famous 17th century Anglican poet.  In the poem Donne says that on a flat map east and west are far removed from each other.  The farther east you go the farther removed you are from the west.  But on a globe if you go east you eventually meet west.   Then I talked to my sister about this and she said that's the cue for you Jerry.  If you keep running west to try to stay in the fiery warmth of the setting sun you will actually stay in the darkness longer.  But if you have the courage to plunge into that darkness heading east even if you're hanging by one thin thread of faith all the sooner will you come to the sunrise.  That was really a cue for me to head into darkness and let grief have its way with me assuming that I would all the sooner come to the sunrise.   Bob:  You did have a period of darkness in the days that followed.  There was depression and daily weeping.   As we sit here 18 years later talking about trusting in God in the midst of those days it was a hard journey you were on. Jerry Sittser:  It was a hard journey.  There were lots of tears and lots of tears of my kids.  Actually the hardest period was after the tears stopped.   The tears kind of turned to brine.  It became thick and bitter.  Almost like molasses.   It didn't flow quite so easily.  That was darker still.  This is hard work.  It is for anybody who goes through a severe loss.   Dennis:   Yes and watching our daughter go through this both Barbara and I as parents have felt so powerless apart from our prayers.  There really are no words to be able to share.  Our daughter found a lot of healing and help in writing a blog.  I'll never forget one of her blog entries where she described mourning the loss of her daughter and finding comfort by crawling up into the crib and weeping for the loss of her baby girl.   As those who peer in other people's lives coach us a bit on how we can keep an appropriate distance and not be trite in what we say.  What should we say and do for that person who is entering or is in the valley of the shadow of death? Jerry Sittser:   I would say presence, consistency, patience, and symbolic gestures.  I have a young friend—well, she's not so young any more—who was the accompanist to Linda's voice students when we lived in Iowa and she has sent me a long letter and card on the anniversary of the accident for 18 years recalling incidences, sharing life and expressing sympathy.  She's never too syrupy.  I find that kind of gesture profoundly meaningful.   When we aren't affected by loss in the dailyness of life it's easy to think that after two or three months people should be getting on with the business of life because we are getting on with the business of life.  But for those who are affected in a primary kind of way they are the ones who have suffered the loss and whose landscape of life is permanently altered they are living in that for a long period of time in one sense for the rest of their lives.   Now their perspective is going to change over time.  Mt. Rainier is always 14,410 feet.   It looks a lot bigger when you're a mile away than when you are 50 miles away.  The size never changes.  Our perspective can change over time admittedly so I think that dailyness, consistency, presence and those symbolic gestures are probably the best we can do.   Then simply pick up on cues.  The cues like when they are ready to talk.  Be ready to listen.  When they really feel like they are ready to receive a word then you give it but never before that.   Dennis:  Yes. Jerry Sittser:  And what you don't want to do is use words to try to somehow push the loss and its significance away.  Sometimes words can actually exacerbate the problem rather than help the problem.  I mean Job's three friends did their best work when they just shut their mouths for a week and sat with Job on that heap of ashes.   Bob:  Barbara were there people in your life or in Jake and Rebecca's lives who did some of those same things like symbolic gestures that Jerry is talking about.   Barbara:  Yes, there have been some remarkable young men and women friends of Jacob and Rebecca's who have done things that I wouldn't have thought to do.   On the very first Easter after Molly died one of their friends brought an Easter basket that was pink with pink candy and a pink bunny and bow and left it on their front porch and said Happy Easter.  It would have never occurred to me to do that but it was a powerful statement of love.  They didn't stay themselves.  They just left it there.   So there have been those kinds of things that people have thought to do and what we've noticed and learned by watching them is if you have an idea of something like that act on it.  Because so often I think we think of an idea and think well that might not be a good thing to do.   The people who have encouraged Jacob and Rebecca the most are the ones who have had the thought to write them a note or have had the thought to drop off the Easter basket.  There have been other things too that they've thought of and acted on it. Bob:  Jerry I hear Barbara's story about the Easter basket and I think to myself boy, I don't know that I'd want to do that.  It's almost like saying here's a reminder on Easter that you lost your child nine months ago… Barbara:  They know it anyway. Jerry Sittser:  As if they aren't thinking the same thing.  Are you kidding me? Barbara:  Of course they think about it. Jerry Sittser:  We did a lot of things as a family, too.  We always observe the anniversary of the accident and at key milestones we'd have dinner parties and I'd invite our key community of friends over and we'd observe it and I'd thank them.   My wife Linda would have been 60 in April and I talked to all of my kids and we kind of laughed about what it would be like for them to have a 60 year old mother.  We have been pretty mindful of these important milestones along the way even after all these years.  It's not at all bitter any more.  We have a lot of good stories that have happened in these last 18 years.  It's been very rich and meaningful for us but we still are mindful of this loss and these important dates and milestones.    Dennis:  Sometimes the grief will be expressed in a phone conversation or in person or in a letter or email where it's clear that the person is truly grieving.  At that moment they are really hurting.   Recently I received an email from our daughter and her husband just around what they were experiencing and I started weeping.  I just wept.  I thought what can I say?  I just wrote back an email that said I'm weeping with you, Dad.Jerry Sittser:  Yes.    Dennis:  I think many times in our desire to help as you just exhorted us Jerry it's back to that statement—I have regretted my speech but never my silence.  Sometimes the gift of presence and being there and letting someone know you are praying for them and you are there for them may be all that's needed in that moment.  Never underestimate the power of a human being touching another life at a point of tremendous trauma and hurt in a catastrophic loss like you experienced. Bob:  And coming alongside with a gift like a copy of Jerry's book and you can say you may not want to read this right now but at the right time I believe this book will minister to you in a profound way.   We have copies of Jerry's book called A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.  We would love to send you a copy.  Go to our web site FamilyLife Today.com.  Again that's FamilyLifeToday.com.  You can order online from us if you'd like or if it's easier call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  That's 1-800-358-6329.   Let me also mention a book you have written Barbara along with your daughter Rebecca when your granddaughter Molly was born and lived for seven days before she died.  That book is called A Symphony in the Dark: Hearing God's Voice in Seasons of Grief.  You can find more information about that book on our web site as well FamilyLife Today.com.  Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  That's 1 800 “F”as in family “L” as in life and then the word TODAY.   We also want to take a couple of minutes and say thanks to those of you who support the ministry of FamilyLife Today by making donations on a regular basis.  We are listener supported.  The costs associated with producing and syndicating are underwritten by those of you who contact us to make a donation to keep us on the air and to support the other ministries of FamilyLife.   We do appreciate that support and in fact this month we'd like to say thank you if you're able to support the ministry with a donation of any amount.  We sat down not long ago with Nancy Leigh DeMoss the author of a number of books and the host of the daily radio program Revive Our Hearts.  We talked to her about the issue of forgiveness and what the Bible has to say about choosing to forgive.  Nancy has written a great book called Choosing Forgiveness and if you'd like to receive a CD of our conversation with her on this subject you can make a donation this month of any amount to the ministry of FamilyLife Today and simply request the CD as a thank you gift.   If you're making that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com all you have to do is type the word “forgive” in the key code box on the donation form and we'll know to send a copy of the CD to you. Or call toll-free 1 800 FLTODAY.  Make your donation over the phone and just ask for the CD of our conversation with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  Again we are happy to send it to you and we do appreciate your support of this ministry.  Thanks for partnering with us.   Tomorrow we'll talk about how we can be used by God to bring comfort to others as they experience loss and hope you can be with us as we continue our conversation with Jerry Sittser.I want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. © 2009 FamilyLife   We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.  However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.  If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © FamilyLife.  All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com     

A Grace Disguised (Part 1) - Jerry SittserA Grace Disguised (Part 2) - Jerry SittserA Grace Disguised (Part 3) - Jerry SittserFamilyLife Today® Radio TranscriptReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Descending Into the Valley Guest:                         Jerry Sittser From the series:          A Grace Disguised  (Day 1 of 3)  Bob:  There are times in the midst of trials and traumas of life when we wonder to ourselves where is God?  Why did He let this happen?   For Jerry Sittser one of those events occurred in 1991 when he and his wife and their four children and Jerry's mother were hit head on by a vehicle traveling at 85 miles per hour.  The collision was fatal for Jerry's wife and for his mom and for one of his four children.  As Jerry reflects back on that event today he sees it as something that was ultimately faith affirming.   Jerry Sittser:  Through a long and often difficult journey I really did discover the Christian faith is true.  Grace really is available to get us through these hard stretches of life.  The ultimate message of Christianity is not self help it is God's help.   Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Monday July 6th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  We'll hear today how a tragic car accident can be a grace disguised.   Welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us.  You and I were having a conversation not long ago with Dr. Al Moeller, the President of Southern Seminary and we asked him about questions he gets thrown by the secular media.  We said the tough questions are the ones they ask you.  What are the ones that put you on the spot?  Without even thinking he said we always come back to the issue of the problem of evil and suffering.  How can there be a good God when there is suffering in the world?   Dennis:  We don't always know what God is up to.  He is God and we are not.  We have a guest with us today on FamilyLife Today that I think is going to minister to a lot of our listeners.  Actually I was introduced to this guest by my wife Barbara, who joins us on FamilyLife Today as well.  Welcome Sweetie. Barbara Rainey:  Thanks.  I'm glad to be here. Dennis:  Jerry Sittser has written this book A Grace Disguised which is a story out of his own life and it occurred a number of years ago.  Jerry lives in Spokane Washington up in the eastern section of that great state.  He is a professor of theology at Whitworth University and has a Masters of Divinity from Fuller Theological Seminary and has his doctorate in history from the University of Chicago.  This leaves me with only one question Jerry, White Sox or Cubs? (laughter)Bob:  Or were you there long enough to even care? Dennis:  Oh he had to be if he had his PHD.   Jerry Sittser:  Dodgers! (laughter) Dennis:  Well, I do welcome you to the broadcast and I am grateful for you writing this book, A Grace Disguised.  I want Barbara to share with our listeners to help put in context out of which she gave me Jerry's book.  Bob:  Was this something somebody gave you as a gift?   Barbara:  It was a book that someone had recommended to me a number of years ago.  I bought it and started reading it and it was in my library.  But I didn't finish the book until last summer after our granddaughter Molly was born and only lived seven days and then died. As we began to try to make sense of what God had done and what He was up to I pulled that book off the shelf.  This time I had a real heart for it.  I needed it.  I read it all the way through and I was constantly underlining and reading portions of it to Dennis and saying “listen to what this says.”   I bought several copies and gave one to a couple of my daughters.  I gave one to Molly's mother, Rebecca, and a couple of our other daughters, too.  I said you need to have this in your library and if you don't read it all the way through right now you will read it eventually. Dennis:  It is really a love story of sorts that started when you met your wife Linda.  How did you meet her, Jerry? Jerry Sittser:  I was a student at Hope College and she was a student at Hope College in Holland, Michigan.  After I experienced a conversion between my sophomore and junior year we became very good friends.  Really best friends.  One day I was standing in a group of people and somebody got my attention from maybe 100 yards away and I turned and said something to them I'm sure.  I was a little cocky back then.   (laughter) Linda was in that circle and I turned back and our eyes met and that was it right there.  I just fell in love on the spot.    Dennis:  You were smitten. Jerry Sittser:  Oh, my goodness was I smitten. Bob:  But you'd known her for months before this?Jerry Sittser:  We were very good friends, yes. Bob:  So what in that moment you don't know? Jerry Sittser:  I don't know but our eyes met and it was just different.  So I asked her out a few days later and we were married eight months later.   Dennis:  No, no, no.  I want to know how you asked her to marry you because it has to be a great story. Jerry Sittser:  Well, we went up to some property that my family owned off the Grand River up in the hills.  We made a day of it and did some hiking and I had hidden a family heirloom a little silver container with the engagement ring inside it.  That also was the family stone.  I asked her to marry me.   Dennis:  You were married for 20 years.   Jerry Sittser:  Twenty years—just shy of 20 years and we had four children.   Dennis:  She was a homeschooler and she enjoyed teaching your kids.  Taking them on field trips, right? Jerry Sittser:  She was a multitalented woman.  She was very bright.  She was a professional musician and singer.  She was the choir director and the director of the professional children's choir in Spokane and a paid soloist at our home church and also a homeschooler.  Dennis:  You were on a field trip where you went to Idaho and it was not a normal field trip that you would think of when you think of homeschoolers.   Jerry Sittser:  She had just completed a unit on Native American cultures to my two oldest who were being homeschooled at the time.  We went on a field trip to a Native American powwow.  We had dinner with the tribal leaders and had a wonderful time and wonderful conversation.   Ironically one of the topics that came up was the curse of alcoholism in the tribe and the violence that often resulted from it.  They spoke with great pain over that.  These were really wonderful people.  Some fine Christian people.    After the dinner with them we went to the powwow and enjoyed it.  My two daughters who were then eight and four actually went out and danced with the tribe for a while.  I continued my conversation with Linda and several of the tribal leaders until about 8:30 and then we decided to go home. Dennis:  Now this was 1991? Jerry Sittser:  1991 September 27.  Dennis:   And you were there with your wife and four children plus your own mom. Jerry Sittser:   My mom came for the weekend.  She and my wife were going to go dress shopping for a new dress for a solo performance she was going to be doing of the Messiah in December.  Typical for my mom she brought 12 quarts of frozen blueberries packed in ice.  It was so typical for what she would do.  She was a wonderful woman, a great grandma, and a great mom.  She was very close to our family.   Dennis:  You had gone to Idaho for this field trip and you decided to head back home to Spokane at that point? Jerry Sittser:  We did.  It was dark out obviously and on a lonely stretch of highway only about 10 minutes from where the powwow was held I noticed a car coming on at a really rapid rate of speed.  It slowed down just a little bit at a curve and so I was alert to this.   Without any warning he just drove right into me.  He missed the curve and plowed head on at 85 miles per hour.  In fact it was so head on that his car cart wheeled over ours.  So it didn't roll it cart wheeled down the highway.   It was awful.  In the wake of that accident as soon as I could I collected myself.  I was not injured seriously just bruised and that sort of thing.  I looked around and knew that it was really bad.  My mother who was sitting way in the back was seriously injured.  My four year old I could tell was dead.  She had a broken neck.  I tried to get a pulse and did mouth to mouth but it was hopeless.  I could tell my wife, Linda, was catastrophically injured, too.   My other kids were dazed, crying, and screaming.  It was chaotic.  All the windows were broken out of the car.  My door could open and I got the kids out who were mobile.  Katherine was eight and John was six and David was two.  I found out later that John had a broken femur and some other injuries but the other two kids were just bruised but okay.  I went back to try to tend to Linda.  I got a pulse but knew she wasn't going to live because her injuries were just too severe.  I did mouth to mouth on Diana Jane but she was gone.   I got to my mother only briefly but then something beautiful happened.  You find these flowers in the midst of ashes almost right away.  People began to stop.  The scene was chaotic.  The driver survived but his wife who was nine months pregnant died and the unborn baby died as well.  There were five casualties in the accident.   Some guy got out of the car and went over to my mother and reached out to her through the broken window and held her hand and stroked her arm until she died.  That is a beautiful act of grace to me.  It was very courageous of him in the midst of that chaos and that violence to break through that with mercy and love.  I wish I knew who that man was because I'd like to thank him. Bob:  What a surreal moment that had to be for you.  Almost like you've stepped out of time and space and your body…I don't know how to describe it other than just surreal.Jerry Sittser:  Yes, it was surreal.  I have such vivid memories to this day.   Nothing has faded at all.  First it was a nightmare to have those kinds of memories.  It's not so bad anymore because it's been integrated into the landscape of my life.  It doesn't haunt me like it used to.   We waited a long time before emergency vehicles came and they took over.  I got to a phone as soon as I could to call my sister to say something unspeakable had happened.  After about an hour the survivors, namely my three children Katherine, John and David and I were all put in the same emergency vehicle and were transported another hour up to Coeur d'Alene for emergency care.   That one hour was probably the most significant hour in my life.  It really was the turning point for me.  It was like a wormhole from one reality to another.  Honestly it's the most accurate way I can describe it.  Time ceased to have meaning.  It could have been ten years.  That period of time is frozen in my memory and it was probably the most rational moment I've ever had in my life.  It was quiet.  John was sedated.  The other kids were whimpering but it was quiet.  The emergency personnel didn't say anything and I had one hour to just be.  I thought about the accident and the scene.  I knew what had happened and I thought of what would be as a result.   I considered the task set before me.  I had a burden that was placed on my shoulders and in a sense a divine mandate that said you draw a line in the sand right now and decide what you want to be and what you want to come from this experience.  And I did.  I said, I want the bleeding to stop right here.  This is it.  I don't want to do things that are going to set in motion more and more pain and more and more bleeding that could go on for generations.   I made the basic decision right then and there that I was going to somehow by the grace of God respond and live this story out in a way that was going to be redemptive.  Redemption was really the key term that just kept coming back to me.  Redemption.  This is not the final word.   Dennis:  I want out listeners to hear what's wrapped up in your statement because you make this statement in your book.  You said loss does not have to be the defining moment in our lives instead the defining moment can be our response to that loss.  It's not what happens to us that matters so much as what happens in us.  You really believe that don't you? Jerry Sittser:  I do believe it by the grace of God.  I didn't write a self help book here.  I don't believe that.  The ultimate message of Christianity is not self help it is God's help.  Through a long and often difficult journey I really did discover that the Christian faith is true.   Grace really is available to get us through these hard stretches of life.  My response of choosing to trust the grace of God was far more significant than the event itself.  You know my kids would say the same thing today.  They would say that the accident is actually not that significant.  It is what's come out of it that is significant.  Bob:  What seems remarkable to me as you describe this hour of rational clarity is the absence of grief.  I think of someone living through what you have just lived through and I would think this person would be a grieving basket case.  It's not that you didn't experience grief.   Jerry Sittser:  No, I did. Bob:  Do you think this was kind of a shock response or was this the grace of God giving you this moment of clarity to prepare you for what was ahead?  Jerry Sittser:  I suppose you could say there was some shock involved in it but Bob, there was something more than that honestly.  I look back on it this day with a sense of wonder.  It wasn't simply that I had not absorbed the significance.   I knew what had happened to me.   It wasn't even as if I was holding it off.  I think God gave me that gift.  I think He gave me one hour to decide what I was going to believe and where I was going to head and I walked out of that emergency vehicle in Coeur d'Alene into a different world.  I collapsed.  It was hard going for a long time.   Bob:  Can I ask the two of you did you experience anything similar to that, Barbara, in going through what you went through with the death of Molly? Barbara:  I think we did but it wasn't anywhere near as dramatic as what Jerry was describing.  We watched our kids and as we watched them respond to the news that Molly was not going to live they had a choice to make in those first moments.  I think those early moments of facing tragedy and loss in a crisis like that are the defining moments.   They decided they were going to believe God.  They were going to believe that He was good and that He was sufficient and that He knew what He was doing.  That really set the course for them from there on out.  So I think in the moment of crisis I think God gives us that opportunity to choose.  Do we believe Him or not?   Jerry Sittser:    I like what Barbara said about defining a course because that's different from solving all the problems.  When you suffer a loss whether it be divorce or terminal illness or loss of a job it can be other things that are a little less dramatic and tragic.  I think we do have the power to set a course and that makes a huge difference over a long period of time.  It doesn't solve all the problems but it gets us going in a particular direction.  I think I did that by the grace of God.   Bob:  You know people or have met people who just dissolved in their moment of pain and didn't have that rational clarity that you described.   Jerry Sittser:  I think what happens is we give some kind of tragedy more power than it deserves.  It does become the defining moment instead of the response being the defining moment.  It's the thing itself and then pretty soon it's affecting other relationships.    It's affecting life habits that we form and 20 or 30 years later that divorce or loss or whatever continues to dominate our lives.  That's what I call the second death and it's actually worse than the initial death.  Far worse than the loss of Linda and my mom and Diana Jane would have been say the loss my children would have experienced in my bitterness.  In fact I have an interesting story to tell you.   About six months or a year after the accident I got an anonymous telephone call from a young woman who said, “Mr. Sittser I want to tell you my story.  When I was a young girl my mother died of cancer and I've been in therapy for six years.  I thought to myself this is not a helpful conversation she said no let me continue my story.   “I'm in therapy not because I lost my mother but I lost my father at the same time and he is still alive. He became non functional and so overcome with grief and bitterness that I lost both parents but my dad is still alive.  She said, don't let that happen to you” and she hung up the phone.   Now she didn't give me new information but it was a wonderful reminder to me that the role I was playing was significant.  By my own attitude and spirit I was setting a course and I was giving cues to my children.   Dennis:  You are also making choices for your own life that are going to determine who you become as a man.  I think of the listeners who have eavesdropped today in terms of hearing this story.  I wonder what they are facing because all of us experience loss.  If you live long enough you will experience loss.  The Bible is a very lofty book but it's also a very gritty book that meets us in the midst of our grief.   You made a statement Jerry that I want to underline.  I really understand why a loss can become central to our lives and why the grief that surrounds it can become the defining moment.  It hurts.  It is terrible.  As you describe it it's catastrophic but I like what you did in your book.  You called us away from the focus on the circumstances to focus on the God of all grace and mercy who can bring hope and healing.  He can keep us from becoming embittered in that process.   Bob:  Barbara, in the weeks that followed in the birth and death of your granddaughter Molly you had a lot of people send you quotes and recommend articles or books.  This book was the one God used most powerfully, wasn't it? Barbara:  Yes.  It was.   There were other things, too, but this was the book that I read through that really resonated in my soul.  Jerry talked about not just the loss of death but all kinds of loss and how our identity is wrapped up in how we respond to that loss.  It was really profound in my life.   Bob:  I think both of you will be encouraged to know that we have a lot of listeners over the last several weeks who have contacted us to get a copy of Jerry's book called A Grace Disguised.  We still have copies in our FamilyLife Resource Center.   You can go to our web site FamilyLifeToday.com and find information about Jerry's book which is called A Grace Disguised:  How the Soul Grows Through Loss.  You'll find it available there along with copies of the book that you've just finished writing Barbara along with your daughter Rebecca called A Symphony in the Dark: Hearing God's Voice in Seasons of Grief.  It focuses in on the events of a year ago when your granddaughter Molly was born and lived for seven days and how your family processed that season of grief.   Again both of these books are available from us at FamilyLife Today.  Go to our web site FamilyLife Today.com.  You can order online from us if you'd like or if it's easier call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  That's 1-800-358-6329.  That's 1 800 “F”as in family “L” as in life and then the word TODAY and we can make arrangements to have whichever of these books you'd like or both of them sent out to you. We also want to take a couple of minutes and say thanks to those of you who help underwrite this daily radio program.  Your financial support of FamilyLife Today is what keeps this program on the air.  It helps defray the costs of production and syndication to keep this program on more than a thousand radio stations and outlets all across the country.  It is available online and audio streaming and as a podcast.  Thanks to those of you who help make that happen by making donations on a regular basis for the ministry of FamilyLife Today.   This month if you're able to help with a donation of any amount to the ministry of FamilyLife Today we have a CD we'd like to send you.  This CD features a conversation we had several months ago with Nancy Leigh DeMoss the popular author and speaker and the host of the daily radio program, Revive Our Hearts.  Our conversation was on the subject of forgiveness and what the Bible says about forgiveness.  Nancy has written a great book called Choosing Forgiveness and I know that this is a subject that a lot of people struggle with.  Jerry you addressed it in your book A Grace Disguised.   This CD is our way of saying thank you to you this month when you support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any amount.  If you're making that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com all you have to do is type the word “forgive” in the key code box on the donation form and we'll know to send a copy of the CD to you. Or call toll-free 1 800 FLTODAY.   Make your donation over the phone and just ask for the CD on forgiveness or the CD with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  Again we are happy to send it to you and we do appreciate your support of this ministry.  Thanks for partnering with us.   Tomorrow we're going to talk about life getting back to normal after a catastrophic event like the one Jerry Sittser experienced almost two decades ago now.  We'll find out if life ever does get back to normal or if it's just a new normal.  I hope you can join us for that.   I want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. © 2009 FamilyLife   We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.  However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.  If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © FamilyLife.  All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com     

Sibyl Towner and Joan Kelley join Sharon Swing to discuss 'A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Thru Loss,' by Jerry Sittser.You can purchase the book here on Amazon.Here is the book's description:With vulnerability and honesty, Jerry Sittser walks through his own grief and loss to show that new life is possible - one marked by spiritual depth, joy, compassion, and a deeper appreciation of simple blessings.Loss came suddenly for Jerry Sittser. In an instant, a tragic car accident claimed three generations of his family: his mother, his wife, and his young daughter. While most of us will not experience such a catastrophic loss in our lifetime, all of us will taste it. And we can, if we choose, know the grace that transforms it.A Grace Disguised plumbs the depths of our sorrows, whether due to illness, divorce, or the loss of someone we love. The circumstances are not important; what we do with those circumstances is. In coming to the end of ourselves, we can come to the beginning of a new life.If you are interested in becoming equipped to facilitate others thru 'Listen to My Life' life mapping materials, you can get more information about our upcoming Facilitator Certification Workshop, November 18-20 in the Chicago Area. You can find more information here: https://onelifemaps.lpages.co/november_2019-facilitator-certification-workshop-landing-pagePlease explore www.onelifemaps.com to download a free introduction booklet to 'Listen to My Life: Maps for Recognizing and Responding to God in My Story,' that contains the artwork we refer to in this episode. You can purchase your 'Listen to My Life' portfolio on that website, too.Sharon Swing and others on our team offer one-on-one coaching or spiritual direction as guidance thru the 'Listen to My Life' experience in addition to virtual coaching groups that happen several times a year.Please join us for a virtual journey thru 'Listen to My Life' starting September 10, 2019 with Sharon Swing, Sibyl Towner and Joan Kelley. Find out more at: https://onelifemaps.lpages.co/september-2019-listen-to-my-life-virtual-workshop-landing-pageAudio Meditations as a Thank You for Your SupportWe're on a mission to help people recognize and respond to God in their story. Will you help? Become a patron of OneLIfe Maps at the $5 a month or more level at http://www.patreon.com/onelifemaps recieve access to recorded audio meditations that are created to assist you in becoming self-aware and God-aware.Sibyl Towner and I (Sharon Swing), co-authored the 'Listen to My Life: Maps for Recognizing and Responding to God in My Story' visual maps, and we produce the oneLifemaps podcast along with our friend and Director of Facilitator Development, Joan Kelley.We are offering you the opportunity to support the continuation of the oneLifemaps podcast and the publishing of 'Listen to My Life' in and weekly audio meditations as a token of our appreciation.If we can serve you, please let us know by emailing us here.EquipmentWe've had some questions about our podcasting equipment. Here is what we use, with links to Amazon included:Recorder https://amzn.to/2WoWgOsMicrophones: https://amzn.to/2SuA27bMicrophone Stands: https://amzn.to/2UcPdnbHeadset: https://amzn.to/2T8loHSMicrophone Wind Screens: https://amzn.to/2T7xlh3Headset Extension Cords: https://amzn.to/2VsuPP0Headset Cable Splitter: https://amzn.to/2tGMoyP Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Chair of the theology department at Whitworth College, Jerry Sittser is the author of several books including A Grace Disguised, A Grace Revealed, The Will of God as a Way of Life and Water from a Deep Well. He holds a master of divinity degree from Fuller Theological Seminary and a doctorate in history from the University of Chicago. During his presentation he will weave in some of his own personal story of loss as he focuses on how adversity in general and suffering in particular can be formative in the Christian life.