Untethered: Healing the Pain from a Sudden Death

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Levin is joined by grief specialist Erin Gaffney, who shares the personal story of losing her twin sister in a tragic accident 25 years ago. This life-altering loss not only shaped Erin's own healing journey but also inspired her to support others through similar experiences. Today, she works with individuals grieving the death of a sibling, with a special focus on twin loss. Her personal experience with traumatic grief brings depth, compassion, and meaningful work with her clients. Key takeaways: Erin opens up about the unique and often misunderstood grief that follows the loss of a twin, and how this traumatic experience led her to a career helping others navigate sibling and twin loss. Jennifer and Erin explore the complexities of this kind of grief, the long-term impact of sudden death, and the paths toward healing and connection. You can reach out to Erin at erin@mirarigriefcoaching.com or learn more by visiting her website: www.mirarigriefcoaching.com. To learn more about hope and guidance after sudden or unexpected death please visit therapyheals.com and to learn about my new book - The Traumatic Loss Workbook: powerful skills for navigating the grief caused by a sudden or unexpected death at www.therapyheals.com.

Today's interview is with Ed Santos, a business executive whose life was forever altered by the unexpected suicide of his daughter, Sabrina. Ed has contemplated sharing his personal journey to help others who may be facing similar challenges for some time. In this interview he opens up about his understanding of mental health before Sabrina's death, the immediate grief he experienced after her death, and how his coping process has evolved over the course of two years. Ed shares his beliefs about grief, the role of therapy, and his reflections on the emotional complexities of losing a child. This conversation offers a raw, honest look at the unpredictable nature of traumatic grief and how the bond between a parent and child endures over time. Key Takeaways: Grief after a suicide loss of a child is life altering and indescribable. It is not always apparent when a loved one is struggling with a mental health challenge. Therapy and support groups can be important tools for processing the changing emotions associated with suicide loss.

Today's interview is with Sara Cobb, who begins her powerful story by sharing that she was born into traumatic grief. Sara explains that her older brother passed away less than a year before she was born, and she reflects on how this loss impacted her and her surviving sibling as they grew up. Sara goes on to describe how grief shaped her family life, influenced her career choices, and contributed to a second devastating loss she endured later in life. Despite these challenges, Sara has developed an incredible resource to help others who are grieving similar losses. My Grief Connection has played a significant role in her healing and the healing of others also facing multiple losses. Key Takeaways: Impact on Family Life: The loss of her brother deeply affected not only Sara but also her older sibling. She shares how grief influenced their family dynamic as they grew up and navigated life without their brother. Career Choices and Personal Struggles: Sara reveals how the grief she experienced informed her career path. Additionally, she opens up about the second devastating loss she faced later in her life and how it further shaped her understanding of grief. Developing a Resource for Grievers: One of the most impactful aspects of Sara's journey is her creation of a resource designed to help others who are grieving similar losses. Mygriefconnection.org has become a valuable tool for many, contributing significantly to their healing process, particularly for those grieving multiple losses.

In today's podcast I interview Susan Auerbach who shares the struggles her son Noah encountered before his suicide in 2013. Susan discusses the impact of Noah's death on the different relationships in her life and how she coped with traumatic grief early after his death. Susan also reflects on the 11 years since his death and describes the different milestones that have occurred in her grieving process, and how her grief and her identity in grief has evolved over time. Key Points: If you are living with a loss like Susan's you know time does not heal traumatic grief. But, as she described, time did provide clairity, perspective, and continues to move her towards healing. Susan worked hard to process her grief experiences. Her grief work included EMDR, writing, support groups, and learning what worked for her and what did not. Although every grief experience is unique, I have interviewed many individuals living with long term traumatic grief, who are also able to attest to the continued evolution of their grief and how they have also experienced decreases in the intensity symptoms over time. If you would like to reach out to Susan, please join our Facebook group Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin. We have included an article about EMDR which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy. There is also a link to Susan's book, I Will Write Your Name on Every Beach: A Mother's Quest for Comfort, Courage, and Clarity After Suicide Loss, and a link to her blog Walking the Mourner's Path After a Child's Suicide.

In today's podcast I interview Scott and Brenda Ulinksi, whose son-in-law's suicide deeply impacted and forever changed their family. This interview is one of the few times we have explored the impact of sudden death on the different generations of a family. We explore how Scott and Brenda supported their daughter, their grandchildren, and cared for their own grief after the suicide of their son-in-law. They share with us what it was like to interact with their son-in-law's family, communicate about suicide within their own family, and how they rally around one another during grief. Key Points: Scott and Brenda describe how they are able to see identify signs of healing and growth, but the pain remains palable and raw as the family continues to live with Matt's absence a little over a year from the day he took his life. Scott and Brenda discuss how their grandchildren children continue to grow and even flourish. Matt continues to live on in conversations and memories but these are not enough. Unanswered questions remain and the grief continues. His absence will always be felt. This May, for Mental Health Awareness Month, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is providing guidance on how to connect someone who is hesistant to receive support. Their campaign, Talk Away The Dark, has educated people across the country on how to spot the warning signs for suicide and begin a conversation to let someone who needs support know about the resources that are available. To learn more please visit asfp.org. If you are in a crisis, call 988 or text “Talk” to 741741. If you would like to see pictures of the Ulinski family, please join our Facebook group Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.

In today's podcast I interview Prudence Fenton, who experienced the unexpected death of her partner on Christmas Eve just prior to the beginning of COVID. Like most people who experience a sudden death, Prudence's loss was a deeply personal, intimate and painful experience. Prudence's loss was also a very public experience because her partner, Allee Willis, was a well known songwriter and artist. Together we explore Prudence's grief experiences, her coping mechanisms and how grief has changed her. We talk about how she felt to have the public grieve her partner, what it was like to create her legacy, and where Prudence is in her life right now, four years later. Key Points: Prudence discusses how she relied on her creativity, taking a grief timeout when necessary, connecting with Allee, and receiving support from friends or trusted members of her team to get her through the difficult times. Prudence describes where she is today with a group of new friends and the ability to experience happiness in her life. As she says, “the new Prudence just moves on”, but she always carries Allee with her. Prudence continues to learn and sees life as a constant form of education. If you are interested in learning more about Prudence and Allee's documentary, The World According to Allee Willis or the foundation Willis Wonderland please join our Facebook group, Talking about the podcast Unteathered with Dr. Levin.

In today's podcast I interview Leslee Koritzke, who has been my best friend for over 15 years. Leslee shares with us what happened when her husband suddenly died over 14 years ago after playing basketball. We talk about what it was like for her to raise two young children and how she coped with the unexpected legal and financial stressors after his death. She also describes how her involvement in widow groups, fitness, and pottery helped her develop a long-term relationship with grief. Leslee reflects on what it has been like to watch her children grow, achieve important milestones without their father, and whether she thought her life would take it's current shape. It was a unique experience to interview Leslee, and I have been blessed to be part of her story long before Bob's death. Key Points: Leslee discusses how she used her sense of humor to help get her through the hard times, while remaining true and authenic to feeling her emotions. Like many who become single parents overnight, Leslee's first priority was the needs of her children even though she had the additional stessors of unexpected circumstances that sometimes do not arise until after a loved has died. Leslee prioritized the health and well-being of her kids and was committed to keeping family traditions and Bob's memory alive. Her creativity, love for adventure, and continued love for her husband has been a continued theme throughout her life and contributed to her ability to move towards healing. If you would like to reach out to Leslee, or if you are interested in learning more about her, please join our Facebook group - Talking about the podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.

In today's podcast I talk with Dan Baker, whose wife suddenly died on the day he retired from his career in law enforcement. As with all of my podcast participants, Dan's experiences were powerful and unique. Having an extensive background in law enforcement, Dan provides us with valuable insight about what happens during the investigative process. He also invites us into to the difficult thoughts and emotions that he struggled with and continues to revisit three years after his wife's death. I am so grateful he shared his perspective on the ins and outs of spousal grief support groups and the lasting relationships that can develop. The love Dan continues to have for his wife Cathy remains present and palpable. Key Points: During our interview we explore Dan's struggle to cope with two major life stressors; the death of a spouse and retirement at the same time, and the impact it had on his identity. We examine what it was like for Dan to live with the unanswered questions and uncertainty after his wife died. Dan shares the experiences he had participating in a spousal grief group to help him cope and process his wife's death and how he developed strong bonds and intimate friendships with a subgroup of members that he now considers to be part of his family. If you would like to reach out to Dan, please join our Facebook group – Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.

In the previous podcast of Untethered, I interviewed Tami Millard, whose husband died suddenly riding his mountain bike the day before their daughter's 16th birthday. In today's podcast, I talk with Tami's daughter, Anya, now 19, about to be 20, almost four years since the day her father died. Anya's interview not only provides another perspective about what happened after her father's death, but it's also insight into the adolescent grief experience after the sudden death of a parent. Together we explore her perception of how grief impacted her mom and how their relationship has evolved through grief and time. Anya shares her thoughts about what she describes as “not being able to have an adult relationship with her dad” and the importance of grace and time in the healing process from traumatic grief. Key points: The death of a parent forces adolescents to confront some of the harsh realities and challenges that come with being an adult at an early age. Anya acknowledges her awareness of the gaps that existed after her dad's death and the way her mom “stepped up and stepped in”, in a manner that her peers who had also lost a parent had not. She shares her mom's efforts to take on specific roles and responsibilities that belonged to her dad, while at the same time managing her grief, financial stressors, working, and parenting, all of which occurred during COVID. Anya talks about the feelings she had about performing or acting a certain way to make the grief experience true. In both Tami's and Anya's interviews, they share how quickly Kyron's existence vanished after his death, how difficult it was to feel his presence at home, and how it felt to watch one another in pain and grief after Kyron's death. Anya provides valuable insight about how adolescents grieve and how different and often misunderstood their grief can be from the adults around them. She discusses some of the differences she noticed in how adolescents grieve and the expectations she encountered from well-meaning adults around her regarding how she grieved or expressed her emotions at times when she was trying to achieve a sense of normalcy or distance from her grief. It was refreshing to hear her express thoughts such as “can you accept that I am fine and let's move on?” On the flip side, Anya realized that although these expectations were annoying or that she often felt misunderstood, there are some adolescents without anyone invested in their emotional well-being after the death of a parent. Perhaps the biggest difference in grief between Tami and Anya is the relationship they were grieving. Tami was his wife; his life partner and they had planned to grow old together as a couple. Anya was his daughter, and early in her life, like all children, she was completely dependent on her parents to anticipate and meet her needs while growing up. As she grew from a child to a teenager, her relationship with her mom and dad changed as her identity, beliefs, life-experiences, friends, interests, and dreams were maturing as well. For many, there comes a time in the parent-child relationship when a shift occurs, and the relationship dynamics change. Anya realized that she was not only grieving the death of her father as a person, but she was also grieving a future loss, the loss of having an adult relationship with her father. Please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” If you would like to leave a message for Anya, we will make sure that she gets it. There is also family pictures of Tami, Anya and Kyron.

In today's podcast I interview Tami Millard, who shares with us her grief and healing experiences after the sudden death of her husband, Kyron, and what it was like to raise her teenage daughter who was also grieving. Shortly after her husband's death, Tami returned to the workplace briefly before the COVID lockdown which further complicated how she and her daughter grieved. During our interview, we explore Tami's efforts to learn about grief, the different ways she processed her feelings, and where she is now in her grief and in her life, almost 4 years after her husband's sudden death. Key points: Tami introduces her personal mission, which is to increase awareness of the whole self, specifically the social emotional aspects of who we are as individuals. She takes a whole self-approach to her grief and describes the multiple efforts she engaged to explore her feelings, connect with her inner thoughts, and monitor the relationship between her grief and the impact it had on her ability to parent, work and meet the other responsibilities in her life. After Kyron's death Tami began to investigate grief; she read about it and wrote about it. She turned to her faith, relied on her support systems and used her internal beliefs to guide her, and help her cope with the most difficult experience of her life. Tami reflects on her learnings and thought processes in grief. She shares that she is now stepping deeper into carving out her identity, figuring out who she is as an “I” instead of a “we” and envisioning the next chapters of her life that will include the essence of Kyron and her previous existence. In my podcast I share an excerpt from Sarah Nannen's grief manifesto that was meaningful to Tami during her healing process: “I remain open to learning from my pain. I remain open to experiencing true joy. I remain open to experiencing longing. I remain open to practicing gratitude. I remain open to knowing that gratitude and longing are allowed to walk hand-in-hand. I trust that the depth of my pain is not a reflection of the way I honor you, my life is. I remain open to receiving what comes next on this journey of life, knowing what has been will always be part of my story, and therefore, me.” Please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” I have included a sample of Tami's writing along with a short video and family pictures in the Facebook group. To learn more about hope and guidance after sudden or unexpected death please visit therapyheals.com and sign up for my monthly newsletter Guidance in Grief at www.therapyheals.com. Bye for now.

In today's podcast I interview Dr. Robert Niemeyer, Professor Emeritus of the Department of Psychology at the University of Memphis. Dr. Niemeyer is a leader in the field of Thanatology, the science or study of death, dying and bereavement. He has published 33 books, including the New Techniques of Grief Therapy: Bereavement and Beyond, and serves as the Editor of the journal of Death Studies. He is the author of over 500 articles and book chapters and a frequent workshop presenter. As a clinician and researcher, he is perhaps best known for his work on meaning making in grief and is currently working to advance a more adequate theory of grieving as a meaning-making process. Key points: In our interview we explore the meaning making process of grief after a sudden or unexpected death and the concept of narrative reconstruction used in meaning making. Dr. Niemeyer also demonstrates three techniques that can be used in therapy to facilitate meaning making after a traumatic loss each of three domains: 1) the story of the event, 2) the backstory, and 3) the creation of the self, or meaning of our lives, going forward. He used a technique called restorative retelling, developed by Dr. Ted Rynearson, to help find meaning with the story of the event. Dr. Niemeyer demonstrated this technique as an appropriate way to work with someone who is struggling with the details of the circumstances that ended their loved one's life. For the second domain, he showed us a way to restore connection with a deceased loved one to communicate what needs to be said. And finally, for the third domain he described a technique called composition work. This intervention uses objects such as stones to represent aspects of the self, such as, roles and feelings along with other articles to represent those who are important and loved in an individual's life. Then the objects and articles are rearranged on a table or sand tray at different life periods of a client's life including prior and post death, and in the future to help connect with different and emerging parts of the self. Dr. Niemeyer is also the Director of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition and shares opportunities available at the institute for clinicians interested in specialized grief training. I have been fortunate to attend multiple trainings by Dr. Niemeyer over the years in person and online, and I have always left these trainings with greater insight about myself, a deeper understanding of grief and new ways to work with clients who are living with grief. In addition to the opportunities Dr. Niemeyer shared at the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition, he has also just released a Grief Therapy Masterclass entitled: Advanced Skills in Working through Loss. This class covers the meaning-based model he briefly addressed today along with a module on trauma-informed approach to loss, realigning relationships with the deceased and reinventing the self after loss. Information about this masterclass will be posted in our Facebook group, Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin, along with the books he mentioned. If you are living with traumatic grief, you may find it helpful to begin exploring meaning with your therapist or to begin exploring some of the resources Dr. Niemeyer recommended on your own.

In today's podcast I interview Dr. Donna Shuurman, the senior director of advocacy and education for the Dougy Center: The National Grief Center for Children and Families. Dr. Shuurman also served as Executive Director of the Dougy center for approximately 25 years and was instrumental in growing and shaping the organization into the amazing resource it is today. The Dougy center is a nonprofit organization based in Portland, Oregon, and their mission is to provide grief support in a safe place where children, teens, young adults, and their families can share their experiences before and after a death. The Dougy center also provides support and training locally, nationally, and internationally to individuals and organizations seeking to assist children who are grieving. In addition to her work at the Dougy Center, Dr. Schuurman is an international expert on children's grief, and she has worked extensively with children, teens, and families in grief both after expected and unexpected loss. She has extensive experience working with families and communities after large-scale tragedies and natural disaster including the Oklahoma City bombing, Japan's Great Hanshin Earthquake, the attacks during 9/11 and the Sandy Hook school shootings. After following Dr. Schuurman and the Dougy Center for so many years, I was excited to have an opportunity to spend time together to understand what led her to specialize in children's bereavement, learn about her personal experiences, and provide her with the opportunity to share Dougy Center resources with this audience. Key points: Many adults and even professionals misunderstand the grieving experiences and needs of children and young adults which can be detrimental to their healing and physical and mental health in later life. The bereavement needs among children has become a national problem that must be understood and addressed. Thankfully, organizations such as the Dougy Center exist to provide services, training, and support for childhood bereavement. Current estimates indicate that approximately 6 million children in the United States will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the time they are 18 years of age. This means that roughly 1 out of every 12 children will experience a death in their nuclear family of parents and siblings. By age 25, this number more than doubles to 14.7 million children and youth who will experience the death of a parent or sibling. These numbers come from the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model, a tool that has been developed by Judi's House and the JAG Institute, in partnership with the New York Life Foundation, that approximates rates of U.S. children and youth who will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the time they reach adulthood. This model can also estimate loss by geographic regions and among different ethnic groups. For more information on this model including downloadable resources please visit www.judishouse.org. The death of an immediate family member in a young person's life is one of the most commonly reported difficult childhood experiences. When not addressed, childhood grief and trauma can cause poor performance in school, mental health problems and even early mortality. Grief support and other appropriate services can decrease the risk for future problems and increase healthy adaptation and healing. Dr. Shuurman's advice to families with grieving children was to get support. Even if you reside outside the Portland area, the Dougy Center website has a wealth of resources including their searchable World-Wide directory which lists organizations and grief groups including those trained by the Dougy Center. There are also online resources and worksheets for kids, teens, young adults, parents and caregivers, schools, communities, and resources in Spanish. There is information specific to relationship losses including siblings, parents, grandparents as well as information specific to how a loved one died for example death from COVID, suicide, homicide, accidents, and there are support materials for families who have loved ones who are in the process of dying. If you want an opportunity to connect with Dr. Donna Shuurman, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” The Facebook group includes a direct link to their podcast, Dr. Shuurman's biography and the of course information about the Dougy Center.

In today's podcast, I interview Heather Renfroe, whose son Adam, died by suicide approximately 15 months ago. Heather courageously shares her son's mental health struggles, criminal background, and her beliefs about receiving support after his death. Heather talks about the conscious decisions she made to change her grieving patterns to be a better role model for her daughter, how she ultimately found her voice, and her plans for helping others in the future. Key Points: There were so many important and interconnected themes that were touched on during today's interview. These themese includes the intensity of trauma symptoms that can occur in the immediate aftermath of a traumatic death, police and media involvement, healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms, isolation and the power of human connection, how grief evolves over time, and shame. In the podcast I share several excerpts from a letter that Heather wrote to me in September, during National Suicide Awareness month, to bring some of these themes together and also introduce disenfranchised grief. In this letter Heather shares more about her son's criminal history and her perceptions that his actions impacted her ability to ask for or receive help. We have Heather's permission to post her letter in our Facebook Group – Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin. Heather described her experience of disenfranchised grief, a term coined by Kenneth Doka in the late 1980s. Disenfranchised grief occurs when grieving does not fit into society's acknowledgement of the death because it is not socially acceptable or publicly supported. Disenfranchised grievers like Heather can experience additional negative consequences on top of their already stressful circumstances including increased loneliness, anxiety, depression, or shame. Heather knew that she was not getting the help she needed but the shame, overwhelming pain, and burden associated with disenfranchised grief kept her feeling trapped. Heather's experience has ignited the passion and calling for her future that she shared today. Heather found the strength within to make different choices. She started therapy and journaling and stopped watching the video tapes of her son's death. She took risks and wanted something different for herself and her children. She still continues to struggle, misses her son greatly and experiences grief on a daily basis but is able to utilize healthy coping mechanisms. She has now found her voice and is able to be verbal and ask for support, cultivated an amazing support community, and is committed to helping others. Heather is resilient. She is a fighter, and she is able to acknowledge that she is going to be okay and even thrive after the sudden death of her son. She is now more willing than ever to step out of her comfort zone and try something new. She admits she sometimes struggles to see her strengths in the moments when she needs them the most but has surrounded herself with people who she loves and trusts. Adam's death, like all sudden and unexpected deaths, changed Heather's life forever. But in today's interview, Heather said it was in a good a way, which was hard for her to admit. If you or someone you love is feeling suicidal or in need of crisis support - text or call Lifeline 24/7 at 988 to speak with a counselor If you would like to connect with Heather, please join our Facebook group Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.

Today's podcast features Meghan Riordan Jarvis who is a clinical psychotherapist and specializes in grief and loss using a trauma informed approach. Meghan is an author, podcaster, and advocate for change for grief in the workplace. In our conversation today, Meghan shares how she discovered her calling to work with clients who have experienced trauma, grief, and loss, and some of the approaches she uses with her clients. She also explains the model she has developed with her colleague to provide individuals who are grieving with a daily practice to help with their grief. During our time together, Meghan and I also discuss our shared interest in shifting how the corporate work environment addresses grief in the workplace. Key Points: Meghan describes anticipatory grief using the example of consuming small cups of water that we can slowly absorb, compared to grief that comes with a sudden or traumatic loss as a form of water boarding or trying to consume enormous amounts of water that the body is unable to absorb. Meghan has a beautiful and easy to understand way of describing concepts related to grief including EMDR and uses analogy of removing stains. Meghan talks about how she approaches self-care, and her decision to care for herself by getting someone to assist and help her in work and organization. This is a good reminder that self-care comes in many shapes and sizes and is unique for everyone. I appreciated Meghan's recommendation to block time into 3-hour increments. This is extremely helpful for those living in the aftermath of a sudden or unexpected death. Trauma leaves the mind and body so overwhelmed, that three-hour increments are a safe and manageable way to structure your day or engage in future planning when you are feeling overwhelmed by the pain or grief after the sudden or unexpected death of a loved one. I am so thankful to Meghan for her time and sharing her insights in this interview. Meghan's first book, The End of an Hour, her personal memoir, was released earlier this week, and her second book, Can Anyone Tell Me: Essential Questions About Grief and Loss will be released October 2024. We will have information about the first book in our Facebook group, Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin along with a reference to the book, The Grieving Brain which Meghan also mentions during our interview. If you would like to connect with Meghan, please join our Facebook group Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.

In today's podcast I interview Leia and Teya Abiador, whose 18-year-old sister, Syra, died by suicide three years ago. Leia and Teya share their stories and experiences surrounding their sister's suicide. The sisters describe the night Syra died and how they coped with their grief early on after their sister's death. They also talk about what it was like for them to return to school and talk with their friends and peers about their sister's death. They also share how suicide has changed their family, how they honor Syra, and some of the things that have been the most healing in their grief experience. Key Points: Teya and Leia share their experiences returning to school after Syra's death. Their experience highlights how much help our society and culture needs to better support one another when we are grieving. There is so much discomfort in society at large, when it comes to talking about death, and especially suicide. We don't know what to say or what to ask when someone is grieving. Unfortunately, so many people choose not to say anything at all or keep their distance from someone in the midst of grief. Leia and Teya discuss how their family has changed and grown stronger after Syra's death and how as a family they communicate at a deeper level, show their vulnerabilities, and are present with one another in new ways. The Abiador family is committed to honoring Syra together as a family unit and in their individual, meaningful ways to stay connected to her and to help with their healing. The family's volunteer work has been a valuable part of their healing process. We cannot survive, cope, or begin the lifelong process of healing from the death of a loved one from suicide by ourselves. Families need love, support, and patience with one another during their grief and the individuals within the family system need their own set of resources and guidance to cope. Schools, workplaces, and society at large still struggle with how to best support grievers, especially grief from suicide. To borrow from a well-known phrase, it takes more than a village. After a suicide it is so important to take the time to process the overwhelming feelings and emotions that accompany the death of your loved one. Take care of yourself, express your feelings, and seek out those who can and will understand your pain. There are people and resources who know how to listen and be there if you seek them out. Suicide impacts the entire family. I am so grateful to the entire Abiador family for allowing their story to be public and their desire to prevent suicide. As September and suicide prevention month draws to a close, our efforts to prevent suicide do not and will not end. Please be familiar with the risk factors associated with suicide and remember that suicide can and does occur even when someone does not appear to have any risk factors or display any signs of distress. If you or someone you love is feeling suicidal or in need of crisis support - text or call Lifeline 24/7 at 988 to speak with a counselor. You can also visit the American foundation for suicide prevention website afsp.org If you would like to connect with Leia or Teya, please join our Facebook group, Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.

In today's podcast I interview Joy and Richard Abiador, whose 18-year-old daughter, Syra, died by suicide approximately three years ago. Joy and Richard share how Syra's suicide impacted their family, differences in how they grieve, and how they have learned to live with so many unanswered questions. They also discuss their decision to be public with family and friends regarding Syra's decision to end her life and how they have coped with their traumatic grief. Key Points: Suicide is currently the 11th leading cause of death in the United States. In 2021 there was an average of 132 suicide deaths per day and 48,123 total deaths. The highest rate of suicides is by middle age white men, but suicide rates among young adults are increasing and suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among young adults ages 15-24. According to the national alliance on mental illness, almost 20% of high school students have seriously contemplated suicide. According to Dr. Carl Fleisher, who specializes in adolescent and child psychiatry, young people are vulnerable to suicide because of where they stand socially and developmentally. Developmentally, their pre-frontal cortex is not fully formed making them more impulsive and unable to weigh risks and consequences in the same manner as adults. Dr. Fleisher also states they are not as socially connected in society because they have not had a chance to engage in committed relationships, have children or establish themselves compared to older generations. A death by suicide is sudden but not always unexpected, especially if there have been previous suicide attempts, a family history of suicide, or other strong suicide risk factors. According to Syra's family, her death was completely unexpected and the night they found her was filled with chaos, shock, and feelings of helplessness when they found their daughter. Joy talks about her struggles, looking for a note from her daughter or anything that would help her comprehend “the why”. She acknowledged that she has now come to a place where she has accepted that she will never know or understand Syra's decision. Richard, on the other hand, consulted with people he trusted for guidance and advice, and developed a narrative that provided him with answers he could live with. Joy and Richard share differences in how they grieve and how they still support one another. Men and women grieve differently, and partners can grieve both separately and together within a marital unit or committed relationship. Research has shown that men tend to be more task or action oriented in their grief whereas women are more emotional, intuitive, or feeling oriented in their grieving style. September is National Suicide Prevention Month and throughout the month, mental health advocates, prevention organizations, survivors, allies, and community members unite to promote suicide prevention awareness. For more information, please visit the website for American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. If you or someone you love is feeling suicidal or in need of crisis support - text or call Lifeline 24/7 at 988 to speak with a counselor Although today's podcast focused on the pain associated with Syra's suicide, Joy and Richard talk about their continued loved for Syra. They continue to express this love by spending time with their family and sharing stories, honoring Syra's dedication to the environment and tending to their sunflower garden. Syra will remain forever alive and part of their family. If you would like to connect with Joy and Richard, please join our Facebook group, Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin. My next podcast is on September 27th and will be a follow up to this interview where I interview Joy and Richard's daughters, Leia and Teya, to learn about their experiences after Syra's suicide.

In today's podcast I interview Debbie Rosenfelt, a Chaplain for Support 7, the nonprofit organization featured in my previous podcast episode with Executive Director Shannon Sessions. Debbie is also entrepreneur and has had a diverse personal and professional history that she intentionally integrates into helping others empower their life. In today's interview, Debbie shares the story of her son's death by suicide which occurred approximately 15 years ago. She reflects on her early traumatic grief experiences and the routine she developed to help her cope. Debbie also explores what she learned going through her son's journals, encourages others to talk about suicide, and identifies how her son's death has changed her. Finally, Debbie shares the work she is engaged with to help others empower life. Key Points: Debbie shares her perspectives about suicide and grief after living with her son's absence for the last 15 years. She continues to grieve and heal by providing spiritual direction to others as a Chaplain and in her business empowering leaders who are grieving loss or deep sorrow. She describes an acute level of self-awareness she used to guide her through the pain and grief of Kenny's death. For example, after learning of his loss, Debbie relied on gratitude for the time she had with her son as a protective measure from getting lost in a spiral of depression and despair. Debbie shared the grief routine she developed and utilized to help cope with her grief after her son's suicide. I highly recommend creating and using a routine and sense of structure after an unexpected death to my clients after their world has been turned upside down and inside out. Routine's provide structure, consistency, and a sense of normalcy during a highly chaotic period of time. Debbie shares how Kenny's journals helped her process what happened. Many people who experience an unexpected death of a loved one to suicide are left with so many answered questions and spend a significant amount of time after the suicide trying to look for signs or answers to understand the reason why their loved one decided to end their life. They often search for what they may have missed and or blame themselves for things they believe could have been done differently in hopes of a different outcome. The sudden death of loved one changes us to the core and the suicide death of Debbie's son altered the way she lived her life and interacted with others. Debbie acknowledged that she no longer holds back, is more forth right, straight forward, and honest in her communication with others. She lives her life differently as evident by the way she described a slower pace in work and the increased level of compassion, understanding and empathy she now has for others and their pain. She is also able to see life from a new perspective which helps her in her professional work and providing spiritual guidance to others. If you would like to connect with Debbie, please join our face book group Talking About the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin. You can also learn more about her and her consulting business working with leaders who have experienced loss or intense sorrow. Our next two podcast episodes are also related to suicide in honor of suicide prevention month. On September 7th, Joy and Richard participate in an emotional interview about their experiences after their daughter, Syra, ended by suicide approximately 3 years ago, and then on September 26, Leia and Teya, Joy and Richard's other daughter's share their grief experiences and how Syra's suicide has impacted their family. Both interviews are powerful and moving and illustrate the intense impact suicide has on a family and incredible power love has in healing.

In today's podcast I interview Shannon Sessions, Executive Director of Support 7, a non-profit organization in Washington State that partners with the South Snohomish County fire, police, and other first responder agencies to serve those in crisis. Support 7 assists first responders on scene where the crisis occurs and provides the clients they serve with safety from onlookers and media, information about practical next steps, valuable resources, and follow up support. Shannon describes the services provided by Support 7 related to sudden and unexpected death and the responsibilities associated with an organization focused on caring for others who have experienced sudden and unexpected death. She also shares with us how she was drawn to this work, how she cares for herself, and what it is like to raise a family within the first responder culture. I have seen first-hand the impact this organization has had on the lives they serve. For those of you who have experienced a sudden or unexpected death, you understand how helpful it can be to have someone assist you with practical steps and information in the moment of a crisis. Key Points: The minute you learn that your loved one has died, your world shatters and rug is pulled out from underneath you. Having a calm presence who can shelter you from the immediate chaos, give you the next steps, phone numbers to call, and anticipate your early needs is an unbelievable resource you don't know you need at the time. The volunteer chaplains who do this work do so with their heart and souls. They provide emotional support, logistical resources, and community resources to meet the needs of those they serve. There are challenges a nonprofit such as Support 7 faces in providing this type of services both administratively and emotionally. Funding is an issue and raising funds is a full-time job. Many people may not truly realize the value of what Support 7 has to provide unless they have experienced a similar crisis or know others who have. It is hard to comprehend the totality of the behind the scenes administrative and emotional needs that go into running an organization like Support 7. There are administrative and training needs, fundraising needs, insurance and liability concerns, volunteer and support service needs, community outreach, and mobile van needs that Shannon describes along with the various other needs associated with running a nonprofit. Support 7 also tends to the emotional well-being of its volunteers who are constantly on the front lines of life and death crises. Compassion fatigue and burnout are real concerns for volunteers. Shannon described how the volunteers laugh, cry, and support one another as a community. It is my hope there will be more organizations like Support 7 in our future. I am so grateful to Shannon for sharing her personal story, how she was drawn to this work, how she met her husband, the role her faith plays in her life, and the powerful story that led her Support 7. I have had a chance to meet Shannon's husband and several of her children, and step into the first responder culture for brief moments of time when I go to Support 7 events and trainings. If you want an opportunity to connect with Shannon and learn more about Support 7, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” Shannon's contact information is available along with the website for Support 7.

Welcome to Untethered: Healing the Pain from a Sudden Death. I am Dr. Jennifer Levin, and I specialize in traumatic death and helping individuals through the struggles, pain, trauma, and chaos of an unexpected death. In today's podcast I interview Cindy and Merle Meyers who reflect on their dating experiences and invite us to into their marriage after Cindy's first husband, Dan, was killed coming home from work one night. When a new couple begins a romantic relationship after one of the partner's has experienced the death of a loved one, it is not just a relationship of two. Circumstances depending, the presence, and in many cases the family, of the previous partner who died is a very real part of the relationship with needs of their own that must be honored and addressed. Today's interview explores Cindy's early coping with traumatic grief after Dan died, and her initial dating experiences with Merle. We then delve into the myriad of issues the couple had to face throughout their marriage including communication, family dynamics, coping mechanisms. Key Points: Cindy and Merle provide insight regarding the true realities a new relationship encounters after the death of partner. We are able to see how their grief evolved and changed over the years. They have also channeled their grief experiences into other aspects of their life, especially their vocation, as they have dedicated their lives to volunteering and pursuing Chaplaincy paths to help others who are also grieving, especially grief from sudden and unexpected death. Every relationship will have their own unique challenges specific to the partners involved. However, there are themes that we saw today that I believe the overwhelming majority of all new couples will face. The previous partner who died will always be part of the relationship and their presence will impact the relationship as a whole and not only the individual who is grieving but the new partner, associated family members, children, friends, everyone. Whenever possible, I encourage you to consciously invite the deceased partner into in your relationship or include their presence in the relationship when appropriate. If the death of the individual who died becomes a taboo subject, if it is a topic that is uncomfortable, avoided, or swept under the rug then it will most likely become the root of friction or tension. Over time, this relationship will be much easier to manage and often their presence will fade into the background once it is acknowledged and integrated. Communication about grief, idealization, comparisons, or coping mechanisms in new relationships is important. Communication is the key to any relationship, but this communication is different, it can be so hard, but it is so essential. To learn more about the professional work and bereavement support programs that Cindy and Merle are involved in please visit our Facebook group “Talking about the podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin” where there is a link to their website and programs. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. To learn more about hope and guidance after sudden or unexpected death please visit therapyheals.com and sign up for my monthly newsletter Guidance in Grief at www.therapyheals.com.

Living with Cumulative Grief : An interview with Betty and Joey Dowling Hi everyone and welcome to Untethered: Healing the pain from a sudden death. I am Dr. Jennifer Levin, and I specialize in traumatic death and helping individuals through the struggles, pain, trauma, and chaos of an unexpected death. In today's podcast I interview mother and son, Betty and Joey Dowling, and we explore the concept of cumulative grief. When someone experiences multiple deaths, one right after one another, we refer to this phenomenon as cumulative grief because there is no time to process the grief from one loss, before the grief from the next death sets in. All of the sudden the emotions and grief from each death start to blend together. Today Betty and Joey share the story of the sudden death of Betty husband's and Joey's father Tom, and then later the expected deaths of Betty's two son's and Joey's brothers Kevin and Erik, who died less than two years apart. We also talk about some of the differences Betty and Joey noted in their grief when the death was sudden versus anticipated and what it has been like for them to continue living and healing after so much loss. Key Points: Whether death occurs in a sudden or unexpected nature or expected, cumulative grief is emotionally draining, and it intensifies complex emotions. The experience of cumulative grief can also be heightened by non-death losses including the loss of other relationships, finances, careers, health problems, and life transitions. Betty noted her challenges connecting to her husband's grief while caring for her son Kevin and then difficulty to grieve for Kevin while caring for Erik until finally everything just rolled into one. Joey explains how the cumulative losses amplified the number of grief triggers that he encountered, and that one trigger would resurface one memory that would lead to another memory, then another. As a result, he found himself cascaded with overwhelming memories of his dad and both of his brothers, constantly thinking about all his cumulative losses, all of the time. If you find yourself experiencing cumulative grief it can be beneficial to your healing to take some time to grieve each of your losses separately. I discuss the techniques that I use with clients who are struggling with cumulative grief. Death and loss, whether expected or unexpected, will always be a part of our life. I believe the key to living with cumulative grief are to understand how multiple losses impact us, to allow ourselves to feel and express the emotions and to continue to engage in life and keep loving throughout the entire process. Our podcast Untethered is now hosted on my website www.therapyheals.com. To learn more about hope and guidance after sudden or unexpected death please visit my website and sign up for my monthly newsletter Guidance in Grief at www.therapyheals.com.

When The Trauma Impacts Grief After The Sudden Death Of A Child: An Interview With Therapist And Author Randie Clark In today's podcast I interview therapist and author Randie Clark. Randie is a therapist in Washington State who specializes in traumatic grief and specializes in helping people who have experienced the death of a child of any age. She co-authored the book When Your Child Dies: Tools for Mending Parents' Broken Hearts, after her adult son David was murdered in his early twenties. She also helped establish several traumatic grief support groups into hospital bereavement programs. During our podcast interview, Randie shares the story of her son's death, her early grief experiences, and how she coped. She also talks about the impact his death had on her decisions to pursue a career in trauma therapy. We explore the different parts of her book and the future plans for revisions. Finally, Randie talks about some of the biggest challenges that parents face after an unexpected death of a child, and she provides guidance for getting some of these needs met. Key Points: Randie is extremely passionate and dedicated in easing the pain for individuals living with traumatic grief, especially other parents who have also experienced the sudden death of a child. She feels that helping others and connection are one of the best ways to cope and heal from traumatic grief. I appreciated the authenticity that Randie shared when talking about her own experience about her son David's death. She is now able to remember him without pain, and to use her words, “she has incorporated him into the fabric of her life”. However, she acknowledged that the sadness and ache has also become a forever part of her. Randie's book was such an accomplishment. First, it was a healing experience for her and, second, it was and still is a compilation of education about trauma and grief, resources, and coping mechanisms specific to parents or adults who have experienced a sudden death of a child at any age. Randie addressed so many of the challenges specific to parents, especially those related to identity, meaning making, and guilt or blame. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered: Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. Our podcast Untethered is now hosted on my website www.therapyheals.com. To learn more about hope and guidance after sudden or unexpected death please visit my website and sign up for my monthly newsletter Guidance in Grief at www.therapyheals.com.

In today's podcast I interview psychologist and author Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. Dr. Bryson is the author of multiple books, including Bottom Line for Baby and the following books co-authored with Dr. Dan Siegel, The Power of Showing Up and The Yes Brain, as well as The Whole-Brain Child. Tina is also the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and of The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopment lens, both located in Pasadena, California. Tina shares her experience with the unexpected death of her father and the impact it had on her. She talks with us about how to best support both young children and teens who have experienced a sudden or unexpected death and provides tools that parents, grandparents and caring adults can use to “show up” or comfort children and teens during this challenging and difficult time. We also talk about resiliency in children and how love, support, and patience from important adult figures can help young people heal and lead healthy lives even after the experience of a sudden or unexpected death of a loved one. Key Points: Adults serve as meaning makers for children of all ages. Young children and teens look to us for guidance on how to interpret life events, especially the challenging ones. Children and young people need the adults in their life when they are experiencing stress and difficult life challenges, especially the sudden or unexpected death of a loved one. Tina shares the 4 S's to use with children and teens. They need to feel Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure during these difficult times to foster healing. When it comes to grief, I highly recommend adults release any expectations about how you believe your children should react or behave in bereavement or mourning. Just let them be. Notwithstanding destructive or self-harming behaviors, children and teens will grieve in the manner they need. I encourage you to offer a safe space to process their feelings, ask questions or request additional help. When you let the grief occur in the context of this type of relationship, they are more likely to be safe, seen, secure and be soothed. Give yourself grace and compassion and know that you are enough. Tina's references to the attachment literature provides evidence that it only takes one caring, consistent, loving adult in a child's life to contribute to the emotional well-being of a healthy young adult. If you want an opportunity to connect with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” You can also learn more about Dr. Bryson by visiting her website at www.tinabryson.com, The Center for Connection at www.thecenterforconnection.org, and the Play Strong Institute at www.playstronginstitute.com. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered: Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. Our podcast Untethered is now hosted on my Therapy Heals website. To learn more about hope and guidance after sudden or unexpected death, please visit therapyheals.com and sign up for my monthly newsletter Guidance in Grief.

Show Notes - Interview with Dr. Pamela Blair In today's podcast I interview the Reverend Dr. Pamela Blair, perhaps best known for the book she co-authored that was first published the year 2000 entitled “I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping & Healing after the sudden death of a loved one.” Dr. Blair is a retired psychotherapist who specialized in working with individuals grieving the loss of a loved one especially after a sudden death. Although retired, Dr. Blair continues to lead grief support groups and write. In today's podcast interview she shares her personal grief story, highlights the impact her book “I was not ready to say goodbye” had on those she worked with and explores excerpts from her new book – The Long Grief Journey. Together we delve into the concept of long-term grief, ways to cope with continued loss that occur throughout the grief continuum, how to experience happiness within the context of grief and the notion of holding hope during grief. Key Points: Pamela's book, I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye, has been the most consistent resource I recommend to any client who has recently experienced a sudden or unexpected death. This book is a comprehensive guide for individuals and families who are living with a sudden death and provides information on different types of loss, for different family members at different points of time. The Long Grief Journey by Pamela Blair and Bradie McCabe is an excellent resource that covers so many of the challenges long-term grievers encounters and provides exercises you use to work through many of the areas where you may be feeling stuck. Pamela discusses hope when it comes to grief. So many people have trouble finding hope again after a sudden death. She talks about finding hope in the support you get from family, friends, or support group members and about finding hope in new growth in nature. Her thoughts brought me back to the interview I had with Kim Cantin, who described finding happiness in new, simpler things in life, mainly with connections to people where she experienced joy in their presence. I encourage those of you struggling to find hope in your life right now after the devastating sudden loss of a loved one to examine how you are defining hope. Perhaps you are still using definitions of hope from the life you lived prior to your unexpected death. It may be time to redefine your concept of “hope” in a way that matches your current experiences. If you want an opportunity to connect with Dr. Pamela Blair, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” The Facebook group for this week's podcast also contains the reference for the book on continuing bonds discussed in this podcast by Dr. Denis Klass as well Dr. Blair's website and information about her new book – The Long Grief Journey. For more information on Dr. Pamela D. Blair, please visit http://www.pamblairbooks.com. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. Our podcast is now hosted on my website www.therapyheals.com. Our next podcast will be on June 7th and will feature Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, LCSW, PhD, Founder and CEO of The Center for Connection; author of New York Times Bestsellers The Whole-Brain Child & No-Drama Discipline. To learn more about hope and guidance after sudden or unexpected death please visit therapyheals.com and sign up for my monthly newsletter Guidance in Grief at www.therapyheals.com. Bye for now.

In today's podcast I interview Dr. Mariel Tourani, a psychiatrist who treats people struggling with the aftermath of a sudden or unexpected death. Dr. Tourani shares how she got started in psychiatry, she provides us with an excellent overview about the clinical differences between grief and depression, talks about the diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder and how medication can benefit someone who has experienced a sudden or unexpected death. Dr. Tourani also discusses symptomatology related to sudden or unexpected death, how long most people stay on medications, and she shares a case example that illustrates how our own perception of grief can get in the way of understanding someone else's experience. Key points: Dr. Tourani discusses the distinction between grief and depression and that even though there are specific diagnostic criteria for each it can still be messy at times. However, medication and therapy can be effective with both, especially when used in combination. Individuals who experience an unexpected or traumatic loss are at increased risk for prolonged grief disorder. Unexpected death complicates the grieving process and the trauma symptoms that many people experience make grief even more challenging and extend the grief continuum. Although there is no timeline in grief, it usually takes longer to work through and process an unexpected or traumatic death than one that was anticipated. After a sudden or unexpected death, clients report feelings misunderstood even from their practitioners. Make sure you surround yourself with friends and professionals who take the time to understand your situation and listen to your needs. If you want an opportunity to connect with Dr. Tourani please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. Our podcast is now hosted on my website www.therapyheals.com. To learn more about hope and guidance after sudden or unexpected death please visit therapyheals.com and sign up for my new video – Sudden and Unexpected Death is Different: Caring for yourself & others after unexpected loss. Please visit www.therapyheals.com to sign up.

Today's podcast interview is the second part of my interview with author Kim Cantin, who wrote the book Where Yellow Flowers Bloom: A True Story of Hope Through Unimaginable Loss which was released Friday, April 9th 2023. Kim's memoir is a heartfelt testament of her love as a mother and her devotion as a wife in the midst of sudden loss and trauma, with an enlightened perspective on mortality. Through her patience, perseverance, and willingness to be open to help and to heal, she confirms love's ability to connect and transcend beyond life.Key points: Even though it has been five years, Kim still experiences deep pain related to her losses and her grief also becomes triggered at unexpected times. Kim helps us normalize the long-term experience of grief. We know that the pain and sadness associated with the sudden and unexpected death of loved ones never goes away. She is now able to honor her grief feelings whenever these emotions surface and she allows herself to experience the feelings and process her emotions until they soften. Sudden and unexpected death changes us at the very core. Kim shares that grief increased her ability to be empathetic and vulnerable with others. She noticed that she was more present in the world, more open to growth and evolving as a person. Grief also makes us acknowledge realities in the world or in ourselves that can be quite painful. Kim shares that during her grieving process she had to acknowledge that she was not always in control and not always going to get her way, which is something that a lot of people struggling with grief are challenged with. Kim recognizes that she is now able to “trust the process more”. To move towards healing Kim describes how she opened herself to new experiences throughout her grief process whether it was new types of therapy, new ways to find her son Jack, or advice from people with different skills including spiritual advisors and intuitives. Kim shares that the best way she can honor her husband and son is to live her best life possible. She has done this by writing a beautiful book about grief, healing, and hope – Where Yellow Flower Bloom: A True Story of Hope Through Unimaginable Loss If you want an opportunity to connect with Kim, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” Kim's biography is posted along with her contact information if you would like to connect with her. Our next podcast will be on May 10th and will feature psychiatrist Dr. Mariel Tourani who discusses how medication can help after a sudden and unexpected death. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. If you are interested in healing experience after a sudden or unexpected death, I invite you to go my sister website https://therapyheals.com/whidbey-island-grief-retreat to learn about our upcoming grief retreat on Whidbey Island in WA August 5-8th 2023 this summer. Kim Cantin, gave me permission to share that she is going to be a participant at this retreat, we still have a few spaces left and the early bird registration deadline is Sunday April 30th.

Today's podcast interview is the first of a two-part interview with Kim Cantin, author of the brand-new book, Where Yellow Flowers Bloom: A True Story of Hope Through Unimaginable Loss. Kim's book describes the tragic story of what happened to her family during the mudslides in Montecito, CA in 2018 after the Thomas Fires. In the early morning of January 10, Kim, along with her husband, son, and daughter, were in the midst of trying to evacuate their home when her family was torn apart. In her interview, Kim shares her grief experiences after the death of her husband and son from the devastating mudslides and the ways she was able to cope with her traumatic grief. In addition to the overwhelming trauma and grief she experienced, the non-death losses were also immense; Kim lost all of her family's belongings in the mudslides including photos, clothing, and other keepsakes. These items are extremely important in providing safety, comfort and connection in grief and stabilization needed to heal from trauma, forcing Kim to completely start over. Key points: Kim talks about how she trusted the process and let people in to help her along the way. Something that many people struggling with grief often have a hard time doing. Kim gave of herself endlessly, yet she could not do it all. She found it impossible to devote all of her time to search for her son, to focus 100% on the needs of her daughter, to spend every moment grieving her husband and to focus on herself. Kim found people and the connection to others to be a healing experience and perhaps the most powerful antidote to living with uncertainty. If you want an opportunity to connect with Kim, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” Kim's biography is posted along with her contact information if you would like to connect with her. Our next podcast will be on April 26th, and Kim Cantin will return for the second part of our interview. In part two Kim shares where she is in her grief 5 years after the mudslides and we explore the concepts of hope, finding happiness and how she plans to honor her husband and son who died in the mudslides. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living With A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

Today's podcast features a woman whose son suddenly died in January from COVID. At the time of this recording, the CDC estimated that a total of 1,123,613 Americans died from COVID, and many think these numbers highly underestimate the actual numbers of people who die from COVID related causes. My guest was one of the millions of people in the United States who has been impacted by the death of a loved one from COVID. She provided us with an up-close look at how COVID impacts a family, and more specifically how the death of a child at any age is devastating for a mother. Through her grief work, our guest shared how she is continuing to learn how to navigate her needs as a grieving mother and how to renegotiate the relationship dynamics with her son in law, remaining child, and grandchildren. The geographic distance between her family, the restrictions of COVID and the absence of her son who initiated the majority of family interactions added to the complexity of her situation and the isolation that often accompanies grief. I had the opportunity to work with our guest for a point in time during her grief. In addition to therapy, she was very engaged in writing, reading about grief, personal reflection and giving back to others as additional forms of therapeutic healing. She was invested in understanding her pain, the pain of her family and committed to figure out ways to best honor and meet the needs of the entire family unit that was grieving. If you want an opportunity to connect with today's guest, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin” and post a question or message. We will get the message to her and facilitate communication. Our next podcast episode will be on Wednesday April 12th and will be the first of a two-part interview with Kim Cantin, who is the author of the upcoming book – Where the Yellow Flowers Bloom. Kim is going is share the story of the sudden and unexpected death of her husband and son who died in the Montecito mudslides near Santa Barbara CA in January of 2018. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living With A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

In today's podcast I interview an anonymous young woman who experienced the death of her partner from alcoholism related causes. According to the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention more than 140,000 people died from alcohol related causes each year in 2015 – 2019. The CDC further estimates that alcoholism can shorten a life by 26 years. If you live with someone who is addicted to alcohol or any other substance for that matter, you know how difficult the daily life struggle can be, but you are still unprepared for the struggle that accompanies the pain associated with sudden death. I invite you now to listen to our guest today who shares her sudden experience after her partner suddenly died from alcohol related causes. If you want an opportunity to connect with today's guest, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin” and post a question or message. We will get the message to her and facilitate communication. There will also be resources posted for anyone living with a loved one struggling with alcoholism or needing support. Our next podcast episode will be on Wednesday March 29th and will also be an anonymous interview with a mother whose son died from COVID. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

In today's podcast I am sharing an interview that I participated in with The EFT Tapping Training Institute in collaboration with Suzanne Fageol and Dr. Craig Weiner from Tapping Out of Trauma Continuing Education Seminars called using EFT tapping for traumatic grief. EFT stands for the Emotional Freedom Techniques. EFT is a form of psychological acupressure, based on the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture to treat physical and emotional problems for over 5,000 years, but without any of needles. Instead, it allows an individual to simply tap using their fingertips to apply energy onto specific meridians on the head and chest while thinking about specific problems or struggles. EFT can be used in a variety of circumstances and is often used to change negative feelings, reduce self-limiting beliefs, change repetitive unwanted behaviors and is even effective for working with and resolving traumatic memories. It is also commonly used to create positive emotional states, achieve desired goals, and attain higher states of health, well-being, and resilience. Today's podcast provides information for EFT practitioners who might encounter clients who are living with traumatic grief so that they will be better prepared to respond to the needs of individuals who have experienced an unexpected death. However, it also provides a great review of some of the foundational concepts related to traumatic grief. To learn more about EFT tapping training institute you can visit EFTtappingtraining.com or visit our Facebook page talking about the podcast untethered with Dr. Levin. Our next podcast will be on March 15th and will be an anonymous interview with a young woman who experienced the death of her partner from alcoholism. She has asked that both her and her partner's identities remain anonymous for family privacy and the stigma that often surrounds death related to addiction. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living With A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

In today's podcast I interview Riece Morris who shares with us the story of her mother who unexpectedly died from medical causes related to alcoholism. Riece, the mother of 5 children who works as a certified life coach and Equus coach, firmly believes that life is meant to be LIVED and not merely endured. She has helped hundreds of women create lives of intention and purpose, release unhelpful patterns and beliefs, and create relationships with themselves that they never thought would be possible. She works with her clients both online and in person and specializes in helping women set and achieve their goals and she companions them along the way. Riece lives in Northern California with her husband, children, and animals. If you want an opportunity to connect with Riece, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” Riece's email, bio and website information is posted in the facebook group. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

In today's podcast I interview Fran Solomon who is the founder HealGrief, an all-encompassing virtual platform serving the bereaved. HealGrief serves users from around the globe, and their programs include Let's Talk Death, Loss Project, and Actively Moving Forward. HealGrief also offers the AMF App, a way for members to communicate with others having a similar experience because they, too, are grieving a death loss. In addition, members can access tools, resources, and virtual support to facilitate healthy post-bereavement growth. HealGrief is a free resource available to anyone who is grieving a death of loved one, 24 hours a day, without geographic boundaries. Their programs have been designed to decrease isolation and loneliness which are two of the major factors that grieving individuals struggle with. If you want an opportunity to connect with Fran and learn more about HealGrief.org please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin”. Fran's contact information is available along with information on how to register for the AMF app so that you can receive and connect with the resources available HealGrief.org. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected death, sign up for my free mini course, where I explain the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

In today's podcast I interview Dr. Nina Gutin, a dear friend, colleague, and fierce advocate for survivors of suicide. Dr. Gutin is a psychologist who works in the field of suicidology. She works with clients who have experienced the death of a loved one by suicide and trains clinicians on how to work with survivors of suicide loss. She also facilitates suicide loss support groups and is extremely active in advocacy and the prevention of suicide. Nina has written countless journal articles, book chapters, and speaks throughout the US and internationally on the topic of suicide. I am so honored that she is sharing her wisdom and experiences in this podcast. If you want an opportunity to connect with Nina, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

In today's podcast I interview Michelle Post, a grief therapist who also specializes in traumatic loss. We discuss how she got started in the field, the influence of Dr. William Worden's tasks of grieving in her work, and she shares her personal experiences with sudden and anticipated death and how her losses have impacted her personally and professionally. If you want an opportunity to connect with Michelle, please join our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” Michelle's contact information is available along with information about her podcast and we have also included the citation for Dr. Worden book. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living With A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up. Worden J. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner. 5th ed. New York: Springer Publishing Company; 2018.

In today's podcast I interview Martinique Brown, a 34-year-old woman living in Southern California whose husband was killed in a single person car accident. Marti tells the story of how she learned about her husband's death, her difficult struggle with traumatic grief and the complications she faced after learning about her husband's betrayal during their marriage. She also discusses the lack of resources available for young adults coping with grief and the impact COVID had on her grieving experience. Her life has changed dramatically. She is involved in a new relationship and is well on her path to healing. Please visit our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin” if you would like to connect with Marti: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2341269439362238. I hope you enjoyed today's episode of Untethered: Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

Sudden Death from the view of a Chaplain: An Interview with Cindi Sinnema. In today's podcast I interview Cindi Sinnema, a Chaplain who lives on Whidbey Island in Puget Sound. Cindi has an extensive backing working with individuals who have experienced grief and loss. She has provided crisis support for many survivors of natural disasters including Hurricane Katrina. She provides training for first responders who interact with families and loved ones in major crises and spiritual counseling for individuals who are grieving, primarily after a sudden death. Please visit our Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin” to learn more about Cindi and to connect with her. Cindi's biography is posted along with her contact information: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2341269439362238. I hope you enjoyed today's episode of Untethered: Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I share the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

Today's podcast is different than my previous podcasts. In this episode titled Holiday Grief, an Interview with Dr. Jennifer Levin, I am a guest on Corrine Crabtree's podcast, Losing 100 Pounds with Corrine. Show Notes from Corrine's Podcast, An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Levin: Most of us "should" all over ourselves during the Holiday season... "I should be happy" "My experience should be like what my friends are posting on social media" This is especially true when it comes to grieving. Whether your loved one died 2 weeks ago or 10 years ago, the holidays can be so hard. When you overeat or drink through the pain, the pain relief doesn't last long. But chances are, nobody has taught you an alternative way to work through grief. That's why I interviewed Jennifer Levin, a traumatic grief expert, on today's podcast. She's sharing 4 tips for growing through grief during the holidays. I hope you enjoyed today's episode of Untethered: Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up. P.S. Learn more about Corrine Crabtree at www.phit-n-phat.com.

In this podcast I interviewed Mark Davidson, whose father was murdered on the island of Belize. Mark and his family live in Pasadena, CA, and he was returning home from a business trip when he learned about his father's death. In his interview Mark shares his story and describes what it was like to travel back and forth across international borders to say goodbye to his dad and sort through his belongings. He processes his grief, how he has changed and what it has been like to share his dad's death with his young son. Mark has found a way to remain connected to his father in his new business where he provides immersive marine education, and he describes how the ocean helps him feel close to his dad. Please visit our new Facebook group “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin” to learn more about Mark and his immersive marine education business. Also included are photos and a link to the Spotify playlist that Mark mentions in the podcast. Here is the link for our new Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2341269439362238. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered: Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

In this podcast I interviewed a mother whose son died suddenly in a car accident. Dolores Cruz is a retired elementary school teacher and the author of Look Around; A Mother's Journey from Grief and Despair to Healing and Hope. Her book talks about her spiritual journey after the sudden death of her 24-year-old son, Eric, which brought her to a whole new understanding of the questions we all ask about the meaning of life. In her interview, Dolores tells the story of how her son died, her experience with unexpected loss, intense grief, and how her grief has evolved over time. She talks about her biggest struggles, what helped her the most in her grief and how she continues to remain connected to her son even after his death. She also provides advice and messages of hope for parents who are struggling with their own loss of a child. Today, Dolores continues to honor Eric by volunteering as an Affiliate Leader and Caring Listener with the international support organization for parents of children who have passed away, Helping Parents Heal. The Cruz Family has also provided a music scholarship in Eric's name at Neighborhood Music School in Los Angeles. You can find out more about Dolores by visiting her website at doloreslookaround.com, or her blog at doloreslookaroujnd.blogspot.com. If you want an opportunity to connect with Dolores yourself, we have now launched a brand-new Facebook group called “Talking about the Podcast Untethered with Dr. Levin.” I am so excited about this group because it provides our podcast listeners and podcast guests an opportunity to interact. For this week's episode you will be able to find information about Dolores's book, her blog and her latest article in the Huffington post. Here is the link for our new Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2341269439362238 Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living with A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

In my interview with Dr. Rynearson we learned about his personal history with sudden death and the diverse projects and activities that he has conducted to advance knowledge and treatment for individuals who he describes as having experienced a “violent death”. Dr. Rynearson described some of his major accomplishments as a physiatrist and researcher, how his personal experience with sudden death changed him as a clinician. He concludes with advice for listeners who are living in the aftermath of a sudden loss. My next podcast will be on Wednesday, October 26th and I will be talking with Dolores Cruz who is going to share her story with us. Dolores's son Eric died over 5 years ago in a car accident. Dolores has worked hard in her grief and is now a vital part of the healing experience for many people parents who are grieving the death of a child. I hope you join can us. Thank you so much for joining today's episode of Untethered Healing the Pain After a Sudden Death. For help with a sudden and unexpected loss, sign up for my free mini course, where I will teach you about the 3 Truths About Living With A Sudden and Unexpected Loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up.

Definition of healing The concept of healing can be defined in so many ways. To feel better, to feel stronger, to have less pain, to be more resilient, to hurt less, or to experience more peace. There is no right or wrong way to define healing. In 1996 Dr. Lois Tonkin developed a model about how we grow around grief that is often referred to as the “fried egg model of grief.” According to Dr. Tonkin, our grief does not really change in size, but our world does. Post traumatic Growth In the mid 1990s Drs. Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun began researching and coined the term Post Traumatic Growth (“PTG”) which refers to a positive change that individuals experience in their life beyond recovering after a crisis or a traumatic event. They found that individuals are most likely to experience positive changes or post traumatic growth in 5 domains in their lives. New possibilities - individuals who experience PTG are more likely to be open to new possibilities such as trying new things, exploring new interests, hobbies, or activities. Relating to others in different ways - individuals who experience PTG also report that they experience closer relationships and increased connections with people in their lives because they now understand the importance of support. A greater appreciation for life - individuals who experience PTG in this area truly value what life has to offer. They may be able to slow down their life pace and notice the small things in life that really matter. Increased personal strength - individuals who experience PTG here may exhibit increased self-confidence and feel resiliency for getting through something so traumatic. Tedeschi and Calhoun also use the term psychological toughness. Deepening of spiritual life or religious belief - you do not need to have a religious belief system to experience PTG in this domain. Individuals also experience growth by altering their belief systems in general and reflecting on existential questions and meaning in life, mortality, and interconnections with others. It is hard to tell who is going to experience PTG after the loss of a loved one just as it is hard to tell who is going to develop post-traumatic stress disorder after a traumatic experience. Tedeschi and Calhoun have identified various factors that may contribute to post traumatic growth. Education - you need to know what happened and the impact it has had on your world. Examples include – knowing that traumatic grief is different, knowing how trauma impacts your body and how to regulate your emotions. Emotional regulation - this is important because it gives you the ability to understand and manage your emotions and behaviors. To be able to experience growth, you must be in a good state of mind and able utilize tools to help you regulate complex emotions associated with traumatic loss. Disclosure – being able to talk about your experiences with family, friends, mental health professionals or other people on your social support team. Choosing people who can hear your struggles and your pain without the need to fix them is an important part of finding the right people to disclose to. Narrative development – produce an authentic narrative about the trauma and your life afterwards so you can accept the chapters already written and write the next one in a meaningful way. Service - most people do better in the aftermath of trauma if they engage in meaningful work that benefits others, especially if it is work in your community or work related to a similar trauma that you have experienced. What can you do? Depending on where you are in your healing process it may be so hard to envision that you will ever experience PTG. Tedeschi and Calhoun also state that not everyone who experiences a traumatic event will experience PTG. And that's okay, but there are certain things that you can still do to facilitate moving towards healing and that's also going to facilitate moving towards PTG. I recommend a book The Posttraumatic Growth Workbook by Richard Tedeschi and Bret Moore for anyone who has any interest in this subject. I really like this workbook because it has exercises that are targeted to each of the 5 domains that I explained above. In addition to what has already been discussed, I recommend that you keep the 5 domains in mind when you think about your healing and your day to day living. Don't be afraid to try new things and explore new interests. You can't go wrong. Invest in your social support, and particularly focus on deepening relationships with a few good friends. Keep a gratitude journal. Talk about your experiences, disclose to others what you are feeling – you are not only helping yourself, but you might be helping others as well. Podcast Review Today's podcast was about the ability to move towards healing from what you are experiencing after the sudden death of a loved one. We looked at how to define healing and we explored the “fried egg model of grief” which states that grief does not get smaller, but instead we grow around our grief. We also explored the concept of post traumatic growth, and I gave you 5 domains that you may experience growth in. I also explored factors that may contribute to the development of PTG. Announcements We've now had ten episodes of this podcast Untethered: Healing the Pain From a Sudden Loss, and these ten episodes have been designed to provide you with a foundation about sudden and unexpected loss. Moving forward I am excited to announce I am going to be interviewing professionals and experts who work in the field of sudden loss about their experiences – what they do, what type of clients they work and what they have learned. But I am also going to be interviewing individuals who have experienced a sudden loss as well so you can hear their stories and learn directly from their experiences. I am really excited about this next phase of our podcast and excited to share this with you. Our next podcast will be Wednesday October 12, 2022. I have a wonderful and an exciting guest lined up for you. Stay tuned for social media announcements about who this podcast guest is going to be. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so that you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and share this with someone you know who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss. Visit my website www.fromgrieftogrowth.com for more information about my free mini course.

Today's podcast is titled But I don't want to accept it! We will explore what it means to accept the loss of someone you love, and help you assess where you are right now in the process of acceptance. I will discuss what happens when you struggle to accept the death of your loved one. Finally, I will provide you with some ideas of how you can begin the process of accepting your loved one's death. How do we define acceptance? According to the dictionary, acceptance can be defined as an agreement with a belief or an idea, opinion, or explanation. On an intellectual level, you understand that your loved one has died and that they are not returning. You are fighting with your emotions, and you do not want to accept the source of its pain. It is easy to hold hope that your loved one will return, will walk through the door and that life will return to normal. Another definition of acceptance provided by the dictionary describes acceptance as a willingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation. Will implies choice and although I agree there may be an element of choice involved, especially in the later phases of grief, at times, will has nothing to do with grief. Depending on where you are in your grief process, you may be incapable of accepting the death of your loved one who died suddenly at this moment in time. When you are in a state of acceptance you will be able to do the following: Acknowledge your loss and the surrounding circumstances Remember your loved one with more joy than pain Spend little to no time thinking about the traumatic circumstances of the loss Release many of the feelings related to guilt, blame or regret Experience feelings of gratitude for your time together with your loved one and find pleasure in your memories Enjoy your life and look forward to your future This does not mean that all your sadness and grief will have disappeared. It means that you fully understand that the physical presence of your loved one is absent from this earth, and you are no longer focused on the surrounding circumstances of how your loved one died and the pain associated with traumatic loss. Consequences of denial There can be negative consequences of existing in a state where you deny the death of your loved one. These consequences may include: Anger Depression Anxiety Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder Problems with interpersonal relationships Difficulties functioning at work, school and in day-to-day life Physical problems such as increased illnesses, sleep issues, high blood pressure and/or exasperation of existing medical problems Individuals who can accept the death of their loved one are more likely to be able to invest in other relationships, experience improved mood, and increased quality of life. Where are you right now? One way to start is to ask yourself where are you in the process? Write down all the beliefs and thoughts that you have about your loved one's death and current state. Here are some examples: “I understand that my loved one has died but I wish they were coming back” “My loved one has died and there is nothing I can do about it” “My loved one died, and I am never going to be okay” “I refuse to believe that my loved has died because it is more than I can handle right now” “I am just pretending my loved one is away because it is easier for me to cope” “I know my loved one is gone on an intellectual level, but I can't grasp it on an emotional level” Acceptance is a process. Accepting the death of a loved one is a process. You must be able to acknowledge it and all of the changes that come with a sudden loss. So how do you go about accepting it? Talk about it Write about it or engage in creative activities Consider the concept of radical acceptance Give yourself the time you need to mourn and remind yourself that acceptance is a process Separate what happened and focus on the person you love Create a ritual to further your acceptance Consider seeking the support of a mental health professional for guidance to identify what is keeping you from acceptance and coping skills to help you. Podcast Review In today's podcast we looked at the difficulties that come with accepting the loss of a loved one. We explored what acceptance means, how to know where you are in the process of acceptance and some of the consequences of denying acceptance of your loved one's death. We ended by exploring different steps you can take to move towards accepting the death of a loved one who died suddenly. Our next podcast will be available on Wednesday, September 28, and will be titled Can You Heal From Traumatic Loss? Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so that you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and share this with someone you know who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss.

Today's podcast is titled Guilt, Shame and Regret are Killing Me. We will explore some of the common thoughts associated with these emotions, the consequences of these negative thoughts, and the impact they can have on our lives. I will discuss concepts of self-compassion and self-forgiveness as methods to combat feelings of guilt, regret or self-blame related to the sudden death of your loved one. Feelings of regret, guilt, and self-blame. You may find yourself caught up in the emotions of guilt, regret, or self-blame. Guilt about things you did, did not do, or say, regrets about actions, lack of actions, or blame about behaviors that did or did not occur. You may have thoughts about what you could have done to prevent the death from happening. It is important that you find ways to process and work through these feelings in a healthy manner. Consequences of living in guilt, self-blame, or regret. Many grievers devote significant amounts of time living in their guilt and blame, or regretting actions that they did not take. Spending too much time in these negative emotions can complicate your grieving process and increases your risk for depression. Living in regret, guilt and blame is how some people choose to stay connected to a loved one, but this is not a healthy way for connection. Concepts of self-compassion and self-forgiveness. The key to overcoming these difficult emotions lies within self-compassion and self-forgiveness. Self-compassion entails being kind to ourselves. It involves being understanding to ourselves when we feel insecure and when we are in pain. According to Dr. Kristen Neff, an expert on self-compassion (www.selfcompassion.org), there are 3 important parts to self-compassion: Mindfulness Self-kindness Common humanity Self-forgiveness means that you allow yourself to be free from feelings or emotions related to what you feel went wrong. Two important factors that relate to both self-compassion and self-forgiveness: It is easier for us to have compassion or to forgive others than it is for us to have these feelings towards ourselves, and Self-compassion and self-forgiveness take work. These skills are not developed overnight, but instead are shifts in thinking that occur over time, little by little. The following is an exercise to help you engage in self-forgiveness and self-compassion: Identify the specific actions, feelings, or behaviors where you are feeling a strong sense of regret or guilt. Make a list and write everything down. Ask yourself “why am I feeling guilty?”, or “why am I blaming myself?”. Acknowledge your feelings. If you are comfortable, share your list with someone so that they can validate your feelings. Look at your intentions. This step is vital, especially if you are blaming yourself. Ask yourself, “was my intent to cause harm?” See if you can start to find some compassion, or if you can forgive yourself when you start to examine your overall intent. Have a conversation with your loved one in your head. What would they say about the situation at hand? What perspective would they bring to the table? If you shared your feelings of regret, blame or guilt, how would they respond? Ask yourself what forgiveness would look like. Ask yourself what the consequences are of not forgiving yourself. It is going to take time to find compassion and forgiveness for yourself but it's going to be worth it. Our next podcast will be available on Wednesday, August 31, and will be titled But I Don't Want To Accept It. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so that you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and share this with someone you know who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss.

Podcast 7, How do I live with the Unanswered Questions and Uncertainty, was written for listeners living in the unknown after experiencing the sudden death of a loved one. This episode focuses on the following concepts: Living with uncertainty and the loss of control. Why living with unanswered questions is detrimental to your healing. Catastrophizing. Coping tools to manage living with uncertainty: Make a list of everything you can control. Make a list of everything you cannot control. Make a list of all your unanswered questions regarding the sudden loss of your loved one. How to live with the uncertainty when feelings become intense: Acknowledge the existence of uncertainty, validate its presence, and allow yourself to experience any of the feelings that accompany it. Tell yourself that you are okay. Use any affirmations or grounding exercises that will help calm you down if you are experiencing anxiety. Focus on the present moment and the things you can control. Notice any catastrophizing that you may be engaging in and remind yourself that the worst-case scenario does not always come true. Remind yourself of all the previous periods of uncertainty you have survived and the skills you used to cope with that stressful time in your life. Our next podcast is titled, “Guilt, Shame and Regret are Killing Me”, and will be published on Wednesday, August 17. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review, and share this with someone you know who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss. Please visit www.fromgrieftogrowth.com to sign up for my free mini course, 3 Truths About Living With A Sudden and Unexpected Loss.

In this podcast, But I Didn't Get a Chance to Say Goodbye, I explore the pain you may be feeling if you didn't get an opportunity to say goodbye to your loved one who died suddenly. Many of you have probably spent hours thinking about final words you would have spoken if you had the opportunity. The podcast addresses the following: Validates feelings you may have about not being able to say goodbye. Explores “what do goodbyes represent?” Argues that relationships are not based on final goodbyes. Discusses ways to cope if your final words were not positive. It is never too late to say goodbye. Here are some ideas on how to say goodbye to someone you loved who died suddenly: Write a goodbye letter. How would you say goodbye? What would you want to include in a final conversation? What feelings would you want to convey? Find a place where you feel most connected to your loved one. How would you say goodbye at this place? Perhaps you could read your goodbye letter at this place. How would that feel? Talk to a picture of your loved one. Have a candid conversation or use this as an opportunity to read your goodbye letter. Create a memorial to remember your loved one. You can plant trees or flowers in your garden, draw something or build something, the possibilities are truly limitless… Funerals and memorial services are often used as rituals to say goodbye to loved ones. Grief counseling - saying goodbye is not a single event for some people, but instead a long process that takes place over time as you work through different pieces of your loss. Many people choose not to say goodbye at all and embrace the concept of continuing bonds. The continuing bonds theory supports the notion that our relationship with our loved one never ends and continues through death. Our next podcast, “How do I live with the Unanswered Questions and Uncertainty?” will be published on Wednesday, August 3. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and please share with someone you know who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss.

Podcast 5, Sudden Death: A greater understanding of trauma and grief, provides information about what a trauma response may look like after experiencing the sudden death of a loved one by describing some of the physical, psychological, cognitive, and behavioral responses that many people experience. Listeners will develop a greater understanding of why everyone responds differently to a traumatic event, and I discuss some of the risk and protective factors that can influence the development of trauma symptoms. Risk factors (National Institute of Mental Health): A history of trauma, especially childhood trauma such as bullying, domestic violence, or parents with mental illness, substance abuse problems or incarceration. Being injured or seeing someone die. Being exposed to a dangerous event or the actual traumatic event that took your loved one's life. Experiencing feelings of horror, helplessness, or extreme fear. Having insufficient social support or resources to help you cope after your loved one died suddenly. Dealing with other major life stressors in addition to the sudden death of your loved one that may include problems at work, financial stressors, family problems or health events. Having a personal or family history of mental illness or substance abuse. Protective factors against trauma: A strong social support network. It is important to have a good group of family and friends who can be there to help you with the physical, emotional, and logistical issues associated with your trauma and loss. Being resourceful and having good problem-solving skills can also be a protective factor against a trauma response. Finding a way to help others or to give back when you are struggling can be a shield against trauma. Be willing and open to look for meaning in the event that you have experienced. Practice healthy coping mechanisms to cope with the stress and trauma. The National Institute of Mental Health also cites the following as protective factors, or resiliency factors, against trauma. They recommend you: Get help from others. Try and accept your feelings. Develop coping strategies and a willingness to learn from your experiences. Be willing to deal with difficult situations despite your fear. Information is also provided about the powerful combination of trauma and grief, and listeners are advised when it may be beneficial to seek professional support especially when functional status is compromised. Our next podcast, “But I didn't get a chance to say goodbye”, will be published on Wednesday, July 20. Check out my online workshop on Saturday, July 16th, from 9am-12pm PDT, Grieving a Sudden Death: How to stay connected and present while you heal. More information is available on my website at www.fromgrieftogrowth.com. Registration is now open. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and please share with someone you know who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss.

In today's podcast I will discuss in detail five techniques that are designed to help you feel emotionally or physically better, or at least different, after using the activities described. 5 things you can do right now to help with your healing: The frozen orange technique Grounding exercise using your senses Calling a friend Changing your energy and your environment Pleasant event scheduling and distraction I also encourage you to develop a coping list to guide you through future grief attacks, moments of anxiety or intense struggles. Our next podcast, “Traumatic Death: A greater understanding of trauma and grief”, will be published on Wednesday, July 6. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and please share with someone you know who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss.

In today's podcast, “It All Sucks: Major Challenges of Living with a Sudden Loss”, I will discuss the struggles that individuals living with a traumatic loss encounter every day. I will provide you with an overview of the 5 different challenges that people struggle with after a sudden loss. The sudden death experience is unique and different for everyone, but most of us who are trying to cope with this type of traumatic loss will be able to relate to these challenges. The 5 major challenges of living with a sudden loss: Balancing the need to function and live when you feel like a part of you has died. The inability to share your daily events with your loved one who is no longer physically present in the world. Living with the physical and emotional aftermath of the trauma. Dealing with others who do not understand what you are feeling or going through. Watching the lives of others who you care deeply about move forward when you feel stuck in grief. Our next podcast, “Five things you can do right now to begin healing from a Sudden Death”, will be published on Wednesday, June 22. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and please share with someone you know who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss.

In today's podcast, “My entire world has turned into chaos – the theory of shattered assumptions”, I will discuss how the world as you know it changes after a sudden and unexpected death. Your world has been shattered or destroyed, leaving you feeling untethered. I will describe our assumptive world and the importance of the fundamental assumptions that we build our world around. According to Ronnie Janoff Bulman there are 3 fundamental assumptions that make up our assumptive world: The world is benevolent Meaningfulness of the world Self-worth When a loved one dies in an unexpected and sudden manner, these assumptions are broken leaving destruction on our perceived safety in the world. I will also explain the symptoms that many of us experience such as increased anxiety, fear and worry about loved ones. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to rebuild your assumptive world and begin to reestablish the safety you need. I will provide you with tools and actions you can engage in to rebuild those feelings of safety in the world. Actions and steps that will provide comfort: Assess and rebuild your assumptions about the world Challenge and process your beliefs about the world or your life being worthy Decide you are worthy regardless of the circumstances Coping techniques: Establish routine and structure Find your tribe Engage in self-care Address your trauma and grief Rediscover purpose in life pursuits and activities Help others Get a four-legged friend Please tune into this week's episode of Untethered: Healing the Pain From a Sudden Death. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and please share if you know someone who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss.

In this first Podcast the main focus will be to talk about the differences between a sudden and anticipated loss. Grief and loss have never been an easy topic for us to discuss as a society and in this episode I will discuss why. I will be referring to the following grief fundamentals throughout our time together. Grief Fundamentals: There is no timeline in grief. You never truly get over the death of a loved one, whether it is sudden or expected. There comes a point in your grief where accepting the death of a loved one becomes part of the process. Grief is love. The death of someone you love hurts so much because you've loved so much. Reasons for creating the podcast: I have designed my podcast to bring together a community of people hurting, and to unite them in their quest to anchor themselves, rebuild and move forward in life. As a society, we are uncomfortable talking about death in general and most people are ill-equipped to respond the way we need them to respond when we experience the death of someone we love. 5 differences between a sudden and anticipated Loss: Survivors are left with feelings of intense vulnerability. The inability to say goodbye. A significant percentage of sudden deaths may have been preventable, tormenting survivors as they grieve. Unanswered questions and the amount of uncertainty that exists. The manner in which our loved one died is often traumatic, and it can even result in trauma for those of us who are grieving the loss. Please tune into this week's episode of Untethered: Healing the Pain From a Sudden Death. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so you never miss an episode. Don't forget to leave a review and please share if you know someone who is living with a sudden and unexpected loss.