Podcast appearances and mentions of mark mcconville

Join me for My Belfast Chat in The Friend at Hand with Jim, Mark & Séamus. On this episode, I had 3 guests who joined me in a round-table chat in the spectacular tasting room in the back of The Friend at Hand whiskey shop and museum in the heart of Belfast city. . Jim Ingram who works in The FAH and has the YouTube Channel The Whiskey Novice. . Séamus Óg Birt, Brand Ambassador in Echlinville Distillery in Co. Down. . Mark McConville, Brand Ambassador for Bushmills Distillery in Co. Antrim. We all brought a couple of bottles of special liquids to the table for the chat and we had a ball. It was recorded during Belfast Whiskey Week 2024 and Pride was also on in Belfast at the same time. You will hear one of the many Pride parties happening in the background, as we had the back door open onto the courtyard of The Dark Horse bar next door. This episode of the podcast is sponsored by: www.boanndistillery.ie www.killowendistillery.com  Don't forget to sign up to my Patreon channel for early access episodes and more, for a few euros a month and help me deliver the best podcasts to you. https://www.patreon.com/whiskeychatspodcast I really hope you listening in to our chat. Laurie

The James Bond Fantasy Draft series continues with what we're calling ‘007: Shadow Draft!' Any pick for any Bond film element can come from anywhere but from within the 007 universe. Taran Killam, Shannon Locke, Dani Price, Marc Andreyko, and moderator Mark McConville join us for what will most certainly be an All Time High. Speaking of that, Townland (@Townlandband) sings us all a Bond Medley to get in the mood. The easy, easy listenin' mood. VOTE HERE: https://www.mattgourley.com/james­bonding­surveySEE TOWNLAND 7/9 HERE: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/townland­tickets­ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LICENSE TO DRINK! It's the James Bonding Cocktail Party Podcast Part 2: Craig Ormiston and Eddy Colloton from License to Drink, join the Matts and many of our season 2 guests for a series of 007- ­themed cocktails and kinship. Enjoy drop-­ins by James Bladon, Bobak Ferdowsi, Kevin Porter, Dani Price, Daniel Michicoff, Mark McConville, Kristian Bruun, Jeff Crocker, Mike Simses, and Emily Schmemily. Drink along with Matt and Matt as they descend into drunkenness and the quality of the episode lessens sip by sip! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The James Bonding Fantasy Film Draft is back! And this time it's serious. Six contenders, six Bonds, and six films. Matt and Matt are joined by Taran Killam, James Bladon, Dani Price, and Shannon Locke. Mark McConville is your moderator, once more. Vote for your favorite at the link below!https://www.mattgourley.com/james-bonding-survey Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Trumpet player/banjo player/composer Jordan Katz (Drop the Mic) joins Matt and guest co-host Mark McConville to discuss being one of the students in the climactic school scene in 1992's Scent of a Woman. Jordan talks about his experience watching Al Pacino reaching peak Pacino, getting scouted for the scene by someone's mother who knew an agent in Long Island, and watching Philip Seymour Hoffman telling a whole room of teenagers to be quiet. Plus, Jordan shares why he was ultimately told to leave the set during the week of shooting.This episode is brought to you by Mack Weldon (www.mackweldon.com code: WASTHERE) and Mubi.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Trumpet player/banjo player/composer Jordan Katz (Drop the Mic) joins Matt and guest co-host Mark McConville to discuss being one of the students in the climactic school scene in 1992's Scent of a Woman. Jordan talks about his experience watching Al Pacino reaching peak Pacino, getting scouted for the scene by someone's mother who knew an agent in Long Island, and watching Philip Seymour Hoffman telling a whole room of teenagers to be quiet. Plus, Jordan shares why he was ultimately told to leave the set during the week of shooting.This episode is brought to you by Mack Weldon (www.mackweldon.com code: WASTHERE) and Mubi.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

James Bonding is back! And this time, the season opener is just that, a sporty season opener where we sit down with James Bladon and Mark McConville to draft our fantasy dream Bond team. Go to Twitter.com/JamesBondingPod to vote! Which of us will get which Bond, which Villain, gadget, lady, song, and more? Download and listen to find out. Plus, we talk a little 007 news and cover what we'll be covering this season. Let's get to work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mike McGonnigal (Mark McConville, Superego podcast) makes personal finance deeply personal. Mark McConville: @markmcconville -- SHOW INFORMATION Mega HQ Get ad free + bonus content with MEGA PREMIUM Support Us on Patreon Instagram: @MegaThePodcast Twitter: @MegaThePodcast Follow Holly and Greg Holly Laurent: Twitter | Instagram Greg Hess: Twitter | Instagram Music by Julie B. Nichols Edited by Makenzie Mizell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matt Gourley and Mark McConville are here for the second Tony's Picks of the year! We discuss half eleven, Cush Jumbo, Japanese egg salad, fatherhood, a robe party, cockblocking Huell Howser, movies that do and don't hold up and so much more. Plus we did a round of Just Me Or Everyone and Podcast Pals Product Picks. And HGFY! Get yourself some new ARIYNBF merch here: https://alison-rosen-shop.fourthwall.com/ Subscribe to my newsletter: http://alisonrosen.substack.com Products I Use/Recommend/Love: http://amazon.com/shop/alisonrosen Check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/alisonrosen   Buy Alison's Fifth Anniversary Edition Book (with new material): Tropical Attire Encouraged (and Other Phrases That Scare Me) https://amzn.to/2JuOqcd You probably need to buy the HGFY ringtone! https://www.alisonrosen.com/store/ Try Amazon Prime Free 30 Day Trial

This week we welcome author and clinical psychologist Dr. Mark McConville to The Hamilton Review Podcast! Dr. McConville discusses his must read book for parents entitled "Failure To Launch." McConville investigates the root causes of this problem: Why are modern kids “failing to launch” in ever-increasing numbers? The key, McConville has found, is that they are struggling with three critical skills that are necessary to make the transition from childhood to adulthood–finding a sense of purpose, developing administrative responsibility, and cultivating interdependence. In Failure to Launch, McConville breaks these down into achievable, accessible goals and offers a practical guide for the whole family, to help parents instill those skills in their young adults–and to get their kids into the real world, ready to start their lives. Enjoy this valuable conversation! Mark McConville Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice in Beachwood, Ohio, specializing in adult, adolescent, emerging adult, and family psychology. Dr. McConville is a senior faculty member at the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland and has lectured and taught widely on the subjects of child development, parenting, and counseling methodology. His book Adolescence: Psychotherapy and the Emergent Self (Jossey-Bass, 1995) was awarded the 1995 Nevis Prize for Outstanding Contribution to Gestalt Therapy theory. He is the author of the Counseling Feedback Report, an innovative and widely used adolescent assessment tool, and is co-editor of The Heart of Development: Gestalt Approaches to Childhood and Adolescence, vols. I & II,(The Analytic Press, 2001). His latest book titled ‘Failure to Launch' which investigates the root causes of why modern kids are struggling to transition from childhood to adulthood was released in January 2020. In addition to his private clinical practice, Dr. McConville serves as Consulting Psychologist to Hathaway Brown School and University School, both in the Cleveland area. How to contact Dr. Mark McConville: Dr. Mark McConville website How to contact Dr. Bob: Dr. Bob on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChztMVtPCLJkiXvv7H5tpDQ Dr. Bob on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drroberthamilton/ Dr. Bob on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bob.hamilton.1656 Dr. Bob's Seven Secrets Of The Newborn website: https://7secretsofthenewborn.com/ Dr. Bob's website: https://roberthamiltonmd.com/ Pacific Ocean Pediatrics: http://www.pacificoceanpediatrics.com/

While Matt is off getting married and honeymooned, I Was There Too will feature a special run of guest hosted episodes! This week actor Michael Ensign joins guest host Mark McConville to discuss the 1984 film Ghostbusters. Michael tells us about the multiple takes of his scene as the Hotel Manager due to the improvisation from the rest of the cast, his character standing up to Peter Venkman, and not realizing the popularity of the film until watching it in a theater with an audience saying the lines. He also talks about his time with the Royal Shakespeare Company, his first big film role in Midnight Express, and his many other film/TV credits including Titanic, The Dukes of Hazzard, and much more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

While Matt is off getting married and honeymooned, I Was There Too will feature a special run of guest hosted episodes! This week actor Michael Ensign joins guest host Mark McConville to discuss the 1984 film Ghostbusters. Michael tells us about the multiple takes of his scene as the Hotel Manager due to the improvisation from the rest of the cast, his character standing up to Peter Venkman, and not realizing the popularity of the film until watching it in a theater with an audience saying the lines. He also talks about his time with the Royal Shakespeare Company, his first big film role in Midnight Express, and his many other film/TV credits including Titanic, The Dukes of Hazzard, and much more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mark McConville is a seasoned comedian and a respected lecturer in Suicidology. With over two decades of experience in the entertainment industry, he has become one of Australia's most reliable and professional comedians. Mark's academic journey in mental health is equally impressive; he graduated from Griffith University with a Master's Degree in Suicidology and received the Griffith Award for Academic Excellence in 2016. His work now bridges the gap between laughter and serious discussions about mental health, emphasizing the power of humor in suicide prevention. As an Adjunct Lecturer at The Australian Institute for Suicide Research and Prevention, Mark continues to enlighten and engage audiences with his unique blend of comedy and compassion.   Mental Health Resources Lifeline 13 11 14 Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36 - for online chat (3pm-12am AEST) or email responses within 24 hours MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78 Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 13 YARN 13 92 76 - 24/7 for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people SANE Australia 1800 18 7263 headspace 1800 650 890 youthbeyondblue 1300 224 636 Veterans Support Service 1800 011 046 PANDA (perinatal anxiety and depression) 1300 726 306 The Eating Disorders Centre (eating disorders) (07) 3844 6055 Butterfly Foundation (eating disorders) 1800 334673 QLife (LGBTI) 1800 184 527 Griefline 1300 845 745 Grow Australia (support through peer groups) 1800 558 268 Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 24-hour national telephone counselling and online service for people 18 years and over Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 Free confidential 24-hour telephone and online counselling for young people aged 5 to 25 years Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 24-hour telephone support and online chat service with links to local services e-headspace Online counselling for young people 12 to 25 years MindhealthconnectWebsite aggregates mental health resources and content from the leading health Blue Knot Helpline and Redress Support Service Supporting adult survivors of childhood trauma and adult survivors of institutional child sexual abuse around the National Redress Scheme Call 1300 657 380 helpline@blueknot.org.au 1800 Respect Support if you, or someone you know, is experiencing sexual assault or domestic and family violence. 1800 737 732 available 24/7 - Online chat - available 24/7 - 1800respect.org.au

Alex and Pete from Star Wars Minute and Mark McConville and James Bladon join Matt and Matt to discuss which actors have been in both franchises, complete with Power Point presentation! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does the fairly tale ending really exist? For the fan, for the theme park worker, for your intrepid hosts? In the season finale of Keys to the Kingdom, Matt and Amanda aim to find out. Guests include Erich Schwartzel, Mark McConville, Rebecca Martens, Nick Pettigrew, Jim Gourley, and Marion Lund. Get 8 full-length, bonus companion episodes featuring numerous extended and unheard interviews and more at https://plus.acast.com/s/keystothekingdom. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this very special 50th episode of I Was There Too, Matt invites you all along on his journey to fulfill a lifelong dream of getting professionally squibbed. Substitute host and podcast brethren Mark McConville interviews Matt and andrew from J&M Special Effects throughout the process and fellow podcast soulmates Paul F. Tompkins and Jeremy Carter beautifully provide the taut action drama of the fictional scenario in which Matt is to be fake shot. Plus, Matts dad, stepmom, and fiancée join him to provide a tough but honest critical reaction.This episode is brought to you by Stamps.com.THE SQUIBBENING DOCUMENTARY BY JAY CHEELTHE SQUIBBENING from Jay Cheel on Vimeo. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this very special 50th episode of I Was There Too, Matt invites you all along on his journey to fulfill a lifelong dream of getting professionally squibbed. Substitute host and podcast brethren Mark McConville interviews Matt and andrew from J&M Special Effects throughout the process and fellow podcast soulmates Paul F. Tompkins and Jeremy Carter beautifully provide the taut action drama of the fictional scenario in which Matt is to be fake shot. Plus, Matts dad, stepmom, and fiancée join him to provide a tough but honest critical reaction.This episode is brought to you by Stamps.com.THE SQUIBBENING DOCUMENTARY BY JAY CHEELTHE SQUIBBENING from Jay Cheel on Vimeo. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Miss America, "Zombie Cabin"Written and produced by Ben Acker & Ben BlackerStarring Vella Lovell as Miss America; Busy Philipps as Rhoda; Mark Gagliardi as Jarvis; Mark McConville, Craig Cackowski, and Annie Savage as zombies; and Mark McConville as Apocalyptic Narrator .Music by Jordan Katz and Jonathan Dinerstein.Sound effects by Cayenne Chris ConroyRecorded at the Bourbon Room, Hollywood, on June 24, 2023.Tickets are on sale now for our Dec 2 shows at Bourbon Room, LA!Featuring the full casts and special guests. Scripts are different for the 6:30 and 8:30pm shows, and both shows will feature all-new Sparks Nevada and Beyond Belief episodes. And some surprises!Both shows will have two ticketing tiers:Seats + Treats - for which you'll received guaranteed seating as well as a Thrilling swag bag. This guaranteed seating level is extremely limited, so get your tickets now!GA - No guaranteed seating, no swag, but you'll see the show!For the late show, the "Seats + Treats" level also includes access to the post-show cast karaoke party, where the cast will sing their favorite songs with the band! It's going to be a ton of fun. GA level does not include post-show karaoke party access and the post-show will not be streamed.Early show (6:30pm): https://tinyurl.com/TAHDec2EarlyLate show (8:30pm): https://tinyurl.com/TAHDec2023LateCan't make it to Hollywood? Both shows are available to stream with just one ticket: https://tinyurl.com/TAHDecStreamTHE THRILLING ADVENTURE HOUR IS NOW 100% INDEPENDENT.To support the show and the people who make it, and to gain access to our complete back catalogue including never-released episodes (from as far back as 2005!), early access to the podcast, early access to tickets to our live shows, and more, join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/thrillingadventurehourVisit our store for signed posters, Beyond Belief socks, t-shirts, comics, and more!Podcast produced and engineered by Jordan Katz. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Beyond Belief, "Final Destination Wedding" Written by Elizabeth Hara Starring Paul F. Tompkins and Paget Brewster as Frank and Sadie Doyle; Ashley Nicole Black as Maggie; Busy Philipps as Finessa; Annie Savage and Olivia Scott Welch as Lexie and Alexa; Mark Gagliardi as Mitch; Mark McConville, Kevin Pollak, and Jon Cryer as wedding guests; and Craig Cackowski as the Spooky Narrator Produced by Ben Acker & Ben BlackerMusic by Jordan Katz and Jonathan DinersteinSound effects by Cayenne Chris ConroyRecorded at the Bourbon Room, Hollywood, on June 24, 2023.THE THRILLING ADVENTURE HOUR IS 100% INDEPENDENT.To support the show and the people who make it, and to gain access to our complete back catalogue including never-released episodes (from as far back as 2005!), early access to the podcast, early access to tickets to our live shows, and more, join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/thrillingadventurehourVisit our store for signed posters, Beyond Belief socks, t-shirts, comics, and more!Podcast produced and engineered by Jordan Katz. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Polposh the Wise is an adorable seven year old trying to recruit men to join his army.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiPolposh the Wise: Mark McConvilleMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tim JoyceMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Chris Klimek and Mark McConville sit down with the Matts to discuss the never produced Bond 17. Timothy Dalton's third outing as James Bond was deep into pre-production when the project was shelved. We talk all about it and even try to cast it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gilbert Gottfried is the most wonderful tornado you can ever imagine. He joins Matt this week to talk about his role as Iago the parrot in Disney's Aladdin. Gilbert tells us about the audition process, having to re-record dialogue for the animated series that was deemed too dirty by a viewer, and the remarkable story of how a family reached their autistic son through a puppet of the parrot. Plus, Matt's Superego pals Mark McConville and Jeremy Carter talk about playing parts in Aladdin in a totally different context during I Was Par-rot Too. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gilbert Gottfried is the most wonderful tornado you can ever imagine. He joins Matt this week to talk about his role as Iago the parrot in Disney's Aladdin. Gilbert tells us about the audition process, having to re-record dialogue for the animated series that was deemed too dirty by a viewer, and the remarkable story of how a family reached their autistic son through a puppet of the parrot. Plus, Matt's Superego pals Mark McConville and Jeremy Carter talk about playing parts in Aladdin in a totally different context during I Was Par-rot Too. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Beyond Belief, "Slay Batter Batter" Written by Ben Acker and Ben Blacker Starring Paul F. Tompkins and Paget Brewster as Frank and Sadie Doyle; Annie Savage as a baseball player; Craig Cackowski as "Coach" LeTrue; Mark Gagliardi as Coach Clanton; and Mark McConville as Spooky Narrator Produced by Ben Acker & Ben Blacker Music by Jordan Katz and Jonathan Dinerstein.Sound effects by Cayenne Chris Conroy Recorded at the Bourbon Room, Hollywood, on June 24, 2023.THE THRILLING ADVENTURE HOUR IS NOW 100% INDEPENDENT.To support the show and the people who make it, and to gain access to our complete back catalogue including never-released episodes (from as far back as 2005!), early access to the podcast, early access to tickets to our live shows, and more, join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/thrillingadventurehourVisit our store for signed posters, Beyond Belief socks, t-shirts, comics, and more!Podcast produced and engineered by Jordan Katz. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Celebrate the one year anniversary of I Was There Too featuring Dwier Brown, aka Kevin Costner's dad, John Kinsella in 1989's Field of Dreams. Dwier tells us about how he prepared emotionally for his heartfelt father/son scene not long after his father had passed away, his book about the film entitled "If You Build It," Ray Liotta making his lucky Hawaiian shirt even more lucky on set, and much more. Plus, Matt's Superego buddy Mark McConville guides him through his first viewing of Field of Dreams in the debut of I Was There New. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Celebrate the one year anniversary of I Was There Too featuring Dwier Brown, aka Kevin Costner's dad, John Kinsella in 1989's Field of Dreams. Dwier tells us about how he prepared emotionally for his heartfelt father/son scene not long after his father had passed away, his book about the film entitled "If You Build It," Ray Liotta making his lucky Hawaiian shirt even more lucky on set, and much more. Plus, Matt's Superego buddy Mark McConville guides him through his first viewing of Field of Dreams in the debut of I Was There New. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mark McConville and James Bladon join the Matts to talk about how Octopussy works! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Picture this - you're a pastor at an evangelical Christian mega church, and donations are slipping. What are you gonna do? Well if Mark McConville (one of the best comedy podcasters ever to do it) is correct, what you're gonna do is fake a scandal, jet off to 'rehab', then sell a redemption narrative so compelling that Jesus Christ himself would be like 'woah'. Yes Mark suspects that some of these ministers going down for drug and affair scandals are just cynically plotting to raise more money for the church. Listen in this week for a surprisingly heartfelt conversation about the intersection between religion and capitalism, then a bunch of hot new ideas for gender neutral nicknames.

Your 20-something just moved back home. Dr. Mark McConville, author of "Failure to Launch," joins us again to share how to create a cooperative and positive relationship with your new young adult living in your house.  Boundaries: what they are and how to instate them How to hold your adult child accountable for their behavior as a housemate How to step back and let them grow on their on timeline …And much more! Subscribe to Your Teen with Sue and Steph here! Check out Your Teen on Facebook here! Linkedin Twitter Instagram

Dr. Mark McConville, author of "Failure to Launch: Why Your Twentysomething Hasn't Grown Up and What to Do About It" shares his wisdom on how to prepare your high schooler to succeed in life. In this episode we talk about...  When to let go of managing your child's academic performance Red flags to look out for in older teenagers approaching graduation  How to personally disinvest from your child's college acceptance scorecard …And much more! Subscribe to Your Teen with Sue and Steph here! Check out Your Teen on Facebook here! Linkedin Twitter Instagram

This is the  most requested topic by our listeners!We talk to Dr. Mark McConville,a Clinical Psychologist and author of the book - “Failure to Launch,” Why Your Twentysomething Hasn't Grown Up….What to Do About It. Dr. McConville is an expert in adolescent psychology and his groundbreaking book comes at a time when 2.2 million young adults in America are struggling to find their way in the world.We talk about the root cause of the problem, why modern young adults are failing to launch in record numbers and the three critical skills necessary to make the transition from childhood to adulthood. He mentions the old adage of "benign neglect" and we found this article about this and the author says: "I think children are just like hearty houseplants — they should be watered liberally and you should ensure they get ample sunshine. But otherwise, just let them be."Do we love too much?Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HERE (only 5 BUCKS and it means alot!)Buy a mug:  LINK HEREFollow up on our social media platforms:Facebook   Instagram   TwitterAnd remember sometimes you may have to BITE YOUR TONGUE! The information provided by Bite Your Tongue The Podcast (“we,” “us,” or “our”) or biteyourtonguepodcast.com (the “Site” and our mobile application is for general informational purposes only. All information on the SITE or on the Podcast is for general informational purposes only. All information on the SITE and PODCAST is provided in good faith, however we make no representation or warranty of any kind, expressed, or implied regarding the accuracy, adequacy, validity, reliability, availability or completeness of any information the SITE or the PODCAST. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHALL WE HAVE ANY LIABILITY TO YOU FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE OF ANY KIND INCURRED AS A RESULT OF THE USE OF THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY GUESTS ON OUR PODCAST. YOUR USE OF THE SITE AND PODCAST AND YOUR RELIANCE ON ANY INFORMATION FROM THE SITE OUR PODCAST IS SOLEY AT YOUR OWN RISK. The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLEY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Comedian and Vikings fan Mark McConville (Superego) joins Cullen and Joe for the first week of the NFL playoffs. Mark talks about leaving Thanksgiving to watch football, waking up to find out he's won bets and other problematic behavior. Solid philosophical quotes this week, "hunger is the best spice" - Cullen on Bears fandom. "It's not sad if you know it's sad" - Joe on his blackjack habits

A Mimic (Mark McConville) who's stuck in a chair-shaped rut needs help discovering his true self, and finding a new form...sounds like a good excuse to visit the mall! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andy Daly and Matt Gourley kick things off with a bang as they bring us the first podcast pilot hosted by Poet Laureate of the West Dalton Wilcox. Expect a true story from Dalton's week out on the range, a chat with Rustle Shine (Paul F. Tompkins), the city slickin' publisher of Dalton's book “You Must Buy Your Wife At Least As Much Jewelry As You Buy Your Horse and Other Poems and Observations, Humorous and Otherwise, From a Life on The Range,” a cowboy poetry workshop with fellow cowboy poets Sally Jespa (Betsy Sodaro) & Bartleby Mckay (Sean Conroy), and music from the best Country Western band in the world, The Journeymen (Matt Gourley, Jeremy Carter, Mark McConville, James Bladon). See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Poet Laureate of the West, Dalton Wilcox is back to try his hand at another podcast pilot. This time, he is doing his own re-watch podcast of the classic tv show, Bonanza! On this episode Dalton is joined by his old old old friend, Bartleby Mckay, as well as his city slickin' book publisher, Russell Shine to discuss the pilot of Bonanza! Later, they welcome The Journeymen to hear tell of their adventure in making the Bonanza sequel, Moonanza!  Special guests: Sean Conroy, Paul F. Tompkins, Jeremy Carter, Mark McConville, Tony Thaxton, Daniel Michicoff, and James BladonSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri, a Board-Certified Pediatrician at Senders Pediatrics for over 21 years.  They discuss parenting at different stages.  The conversation includes detecting developmental issues,, the ideal course of action to manage developmental issues, and effective means to make parenting easier. Links Mentioned In the Show: Senders Pediatrics Help Me Grow (National) Help Me Grow (Ohio) KJK Student Defense Show Notes: How to spot developmental issues in your child early on (02:21) Crawling: Is it really a milestone? (04:07) When should your child be able to say their first words? (05:33) The organization which provides free infant & toddler screening for any developmental, physical issues, etc. (06:31) The best type of play for your child according to a pediatrician (07:01) Why how a child plays alone is not an indicator of a developmental issue (08:39) The age at which parents need to start observing for signs of developmental issues in their kids (10:14) Why early intervention is key to helping your child manage developmental issues (10:35) Early recognition of attention deficit disorder (ADD) and oppositional defiant disorder in children (12:16) Why spanking is a form of discipline that actually does more harm than good (15:50) The most effective way to discipline kids Dr. Bucchieri has found to be (17:11) When you know you need to seek professional help for your child (19:13) Why the parent of caregiver's perspective is essential in diagnosis (21:56) Social warning signs that can potentially be indicators of autism spectrum disorder (23:00) How to foster independence in kids (25:26) Why parents should allow their kids to be more autonomous when it comes to homework (27:48) Family meetings and their significance in intervention (29:30) Distinguishing the fine line between over-parenting and regular support for your children (31:04) Why Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri recommends teaching money management to teens before college (32:51) Sleep and its role in your child's development (33:26) Factors to consider when discerning whether or not to allow your teen to get their license (36:15) Why every parent should follow Senders Pediatrics (38:43) Susan Stone: Welcome back to Real Talk with Susan Stone and Kristina Supler. We're full-time moms and attorneys bringing our student defense legal practice to life with real candid conversations. Today's topic is understanding normal child development from birth to college. From the perspective of our guest speaker, Dr. Elizabeth Bucchieri affectionately known to us as our friend Zizzy.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Hi, thank you so much for having me  Kristina Supler: Zizzy, we're so pleased to have you with us today. For our listeners out there, Zizzy has been a pediatrician for the last 21 years at Senders Pediatrics. She's she's one smart cookie. She went to Princeton university and then Columbia college of physicians and surgeons. Kristina Supler: She completed her residency at Johns Hopkins. She has two grown children and she's an, I have really had the pleasure of getting to nosy better through a women's retreat weekend that we participated on at, in, at a camp in New Hampshire, it was a blast and we spent time hiking and doing fun outdoor activities and got to knows Izzy better. Kristina Supler: So we're so pleased to have you join us today in your capacity as a pediatrician. Thanks for joining us.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Thank you for having me.  Susan Stone: I'm going to start with an age group that I haven't had the privilege of being with now that my kids are old, it's birth through toddler, the toddler years, those cute little people. Susan Stone: Can you tell us? It's so hard to know, and I hate using this word, but what is considered and I'm quote, unquote, normal childhood development from birth through the toddler years and what are signs of what might be a developmental issue?  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Sure. So like you said, there's, you don't want to pin people too much into normal and abnormal. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And I do think a lot of parents these days really look at these trackers and milestone sheets and get nervous sometimes if their kids aren't doing exactly what said. So given that there's a big range of normal there are some good guides. You can go on, like the CDC has a milestone guide that you can go on.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But basically, babies around six weeks of age, start to do a little bit of a social smile back at you, which is very nice and some cooing. And then around six months of age, they started to include some consonants like Baba, dada, Gaga. And then their language starts to sound like a foreign language that you can't understand. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Like they say. But they're definitely telling you something and it's cute. And then you can go back and forth and say, oh really? I like that too. And then they chat back and forth with you. And then around a year, you start to get the sense that they understand you pretty well. So you could say something about their shoe and they look at their shoe or the dog, and they look at the dog. Or you say it's time to eat and they get excited. Susan Stone: So the receptive language needs to come in. Does it need to come in or does come in before the expressive language?  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Always the receptive language comes before the expressive. And also if they're receptive language, is there. I have parents quiz their kids a little bit. If they're reading a book to the kid and they say, where's the dog ear, where's the tree. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Or, you know, on their own body, where's your head, where's your tummy, where's your toes. Then they know those words. They know head tummy, toes, even if they can't say the words. And if they know the words, then you don't have to worry so much if they're late talkers.  Susan Stone: Before we move on, I just would have a question because I've heard a controversy about this. Crawling: is it a milestone or not? Do you have to crawl before you walk? Or can you skip it and scoot, and then walk because I've been hearing that it actually is important for that child's brain development to have that cross lateral motion.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah. I mean, I think you're right, that there is some controversy about it. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And most kids do crawl before they walk. But there are some, I've definitely had some patients who do this thing I call the sit in, scoot and they sit and they do this funny thing with their legs and their knees and they get themselves around. A lot of times, I think it's kids who have older siblings and they don't see the older siblings crawling, but they see the older siblings walking. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So they are, and they don't see the, so they see the older kids sitting and they see the older kid walking and they just kind of sit and zoom around. And then they are dying to stand up and walk. But I do think probably if you talk to a physical therapist, they would say what you said about it's important to have the cross lateral motion, et cetera, et cetera. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But I, the kids I've had who sit in, scoot and stand and run seem to be doing fine. But most kids do crawl before. Yeah. So in terms of the gross motor development, they, they roll route between four and six months and sit on their own around six months. Then they get from sitting into the crawling position around seven to eight months and pulling to stand at nine months and then usually taking some independent steps between 12 months and 15 months. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And then look out. They're running and climbing and getting into everything.  Kristina Supler: Zizzy, one last question on this discussion of, basically birth to early toddler, developmental milestones. What about speech? At what age should your child articulate their first word?  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Right? So that's, that's usually between 12 and 15 months that they're saying, and they, they call it a w sometimes a word approximation. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So like, they'll say 'ba' that means bottle or bubble or baby or ball. But you see them looking at the ball and they say BA, and you're like, yes, that's your ball. And it is good to fill it out as cute as this stuff is that they say try to say the real word that they're trying to say. Cause then that'll help them say the real word. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And then usually by 15, 18 months, they start to really pile up the vocabulary. And that's right around when like 15 to 18 months, if they're not hitting those milestones, the pediatric there's usually a 15 month visit and an 18 month visit the pediatrician. If there's any concerns that the child is not first of all understanding. Cause that's the most important thing that they're, that they're not understanding language or they're not trying to communicate. Then the pediatrician would probably recommend some more evaluation.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And one good first step is something called Help Me Grow, which is a free service through the county that sends a team of people, usually one person to start, but to your house and can do an assessment. And if the child needs any extra help, they can do speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy. They're amazing. Susan Stone: Talk about what is normal play because, who said "Play is the work of a child"? The founder of the movement. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah. I mean that, that's their job, right. Their job is to play. And I do think that's important for parents to remember. Because especially nowadays everything is, am I giving my kid enough stimulation? Are they doing enough classes? Are they in enough things? Gonna teach them their foreign language? But really they just sort of need a Tupperware and a spoon and a paper towel tube, and they'd be happy. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: You know, you remember like the example of, you know, on the holidays when the kids are unwrapping the presents. They like the wrapping paper better than the presents half the time. So a lot of open-ended play. I am a big fan of, things where the toy can be played with many different ways. My favorite present for a toddler is, is, a set of blocks that are in multiple shapes, like the squares and rectangles and the triangles and circles. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And there is some good studies to show that for girls, if they play with more blocks and puzzles, they're going to be better at math in the end. Because it will help them with sort of geometry down the road and they can, the kids can play with it very open-ended.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Like my, I had two daughters and they love to build houses for their stuffed animals with the blocks. And then we'd have boys over and they'd build ramps for cars with the blocks. And, you can do a lot of different things with them, but you don't have to do what the package says. Cause they're, open-ended. Susan Stone: What's abnormal play? Yeah. What would be assigned if you look at a child, do you agree that if you see the child, let's say lining the blocks up in a line, should you be freaking out what grade?  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah. That I would say no. You know, that, that alone a lot of kids like to line stuff up. No, certainly there are some kids on the autistic spectrum that can get very, into certain, certain toys and having them in a certain way. But that, that wouldn't be like the major red flag. Usually it's a little bit more of in terms of autism that they're not understanding you. They're not wanting to communicate. There's poor eye contact. There's sort of more to it than that. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And then they may have some like hand flapping motions, but, uh, but that can also be in the neuro-typical range too. Like the kids get excited. So it, for autism it's tricky because it's, there's a lot of things that, that can be normal or can be on the spectrum and you have to kind of put the whole package together. Kristina Supler: Zizzy, many of our clients, our students on the spectrum of all different ages, and it's not unusual for students to come to us families, I should say. And, and there's some challenges the students experiencing. And, after some more digging and evaluation and meeting with various professionals, the child is diagnosed as having, autism being on the autism spectrum.  Kristina Supler: So you've, you've mentioned some red flags or signs or behaviors for parents to look for. Is there a certain age when this issue of autism should really be on the radar of parents or a certain age when a child can really be evaluated for autism? Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah, I mean, I guess I would say 15 months, you can, I'll sometimes start to get a little wondering about it. But then I usually try to give them til 18 months to pull everything together. But around 18 months, if they're not pointing at things, if they're not understanding you, if they're not, if they're not trying to communicate, then I would, I would start the evaluation at that age. Because number one, early intervention is huge. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And, and can really help a child out. And then unfortunately there's waiting lists for a lot of these things. If you have any concerns, it's much better to get referred to a, to a development. For mean, you usually start with a speech therapist, but then if there's more concerns to get referred, we'll talk to your pediatrician, but then get referred to a developmental pediatrician. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And that could sometimes take several months to get in. And I'd love to have that done by two. So that then if the child was eligible for some early intervention preschool there's, as you guys know, there's some finances involved in it. And so it's good to get that. I would say try to get it done, or at least started by two. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And then by three, for sure. Cause that's a lot of times when the preschool start is at three and everything just takes times.  Susan Stone: Everything takes time. That's great advice. Well, we're going to leave the baby years and get to elementary school, which I kind of consider the golden years of having children because second graders.  Susan Stone: It was Kristina and I, this year got certified in positive discipline. Because frankly we wanted to be able to talk to our clients because we have a lot of meltdowns from students that we represent because they're under so much pressure. And we kind of want to focus early on what is considered normal acting out though versus early signs of ADD or oppositional defiant disorder.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Well, what I would say is in those, in that three to five year age group, There, they talk about like two-year-olds and temper tantrums, you know, you sort of expect some temper tantrums from two year olds and even three-year-olds are pretty, you may have heard of the term threenager. So two year olds, they're not always able to communicate so well, but they do have their needs. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And often if they're hungry and tired, they just completely fall on the ground crying. And one of your guests, like, I can't remember. I think it was the the positive episode on positive discipline. They talked about how the, some of the main reasons why children's misbehave or being hungry and tired. And I really do believe that's the case.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So I am a big fan of getting them enough sleep and then trying to make sure they're eating food with protein and fat. Because if they just eat their carbs, which they love. And the crackers and the noodles.  Susan Stone: I love goldfish  Kristina Supler: is smiling because you're saying the main reason for misbehavior among children is being hungry and tired. Kristina Supler: And I think the same is probably true for adults as well. Of course, excluding present company.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah, of course. I remember. I remember one time literally. Yelling full volume yelling at my daughter. And I said, "You're acting like a child." Kristina Supler: No, mom, you are. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: She actually was a child. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: I  Susan Stone: see the signs of ADD and ODD. Because we deal with those issues and when they become difficult issues.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Sure. Yeah. Technically speaking, you're not even supposed to diagnose ADD until six years old. Just from the criteria, but there definitely are families where the one parent has it, a sibling has it. And the kid is just running around the room, just tearing the place up. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Where you kind of know they're going down that path. But typically I don't recommend diagnosing until six. But occupational therapy is actually the first step in helping children with ADHD bef you know, before you get, even get into medication. So I would definitely refer a kid who's in the, the three to five range who can not sit still and having a hard time paying attention to occupational therapy as a first step, towards either helping them mature and helping them, get things together. Or if not a first step in kind of treatment. And then oppositional defiant disorder is probably a little out of my realm of diagnosis. Kristina Supler: What about this hypothetical? You have a family, uh, with a child who's five or six. You, the family doesn't go to restaurants because the child just restaurants, it's like sensory overload. For whatever reason, the child can't handle the restaurant. Struggled to have play dates. The child just doesn't listen. Kristina Supler: Boundaries. Parents just struggled to have boundaries and in parents sort of get to that breaking point where, oh my gosh, I'm at my wit's end. You know, the mother or father, what do I do? My child doesn't listen. I have to make my child listen. I'm going to spank them. Cause that's the only thing my child responds to. Kristina Supler: What is your in of course, recognize that spanking is controversial. I mean, do you have thoughts on that for discipline?  Susan Stone: My parents deny it, but I was spanked. They'll deny it, guys..  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Although, luckily, luckily I do feel like that doesn't come up that much anymore. I do feel like people have just kind of started to realize that spanking just doesn't work. Because then the children will just start hitting either you or their siblings. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But I just don't feel like in the last 10 years that has really come up that much, or maybe people are just not admitting it. But I feel like, I feel like that message has kind of gotten to people that's that hitting a child doesn't in the end make anything better besides the short term, you know, they'll be scared. Susan Stone: Time Outs don't work either. I got to tell you, they did not today when everybody has such a great bedroom or just. It never worked on my kids time out.  Susan Stone: Or they stood on the stairs. Okay. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: I tried to do it a little bit, like for the young kids, the kids that are, pre-verbal like, kind of in the one to two year range where they're hitting. I just try to do timeouts, usually just for hitting and biting. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: The two big baddies, I call it like a sports analogy, like the flagrant foul, if they really are doing something. Cause you know, there's kind of like the, the noodling and the poking and the pestering. But like if they walk up to the brother and just whack them on the head, that has to be addressed. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And I try to tell people that you just pick up the child. You say don't use the word. No, because they love to say no. And you just say. You're hitting hurts. Your biting hurts. You're having a timeout. You hold them in your lap, facing out, close your eyes and count just to have read many seconds they are old. You know, 60 seconds for a year, 120 for two years. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And that's it. And then it's done. There's no lecture. There's no sermon. There's no step. There's no chasing them. There's no sending them to the room. It's that quick.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And if you can kind of stick with that for a couple of weeks and have all the caregivers do it, which is tough, the babysitter, the grandparents, then they usually don't they, then they usually phase out that, that behavior.  Kristina Supler: Well, we, we so often, you know, you hear this idea of like, it, it, it all starts at home. And it's so true. There's of course exceptions and, and unique challenges and circumstances that influence child development. But more often than not, if you spank, you might get a kid who hits. You yell at your kids, you're going to, you know, foster that behavior and your child's gonna yell at others.  Kristina Supler: And so I think it's, it's really good for parents to think about that. Of how their behavior, you know, is a model for, for children and of course we all have room improvement. Susan Stone: Right. I want to, I want to challenge you. I think that's all well and good. But I have Dean, especially in my special education practice, a real uptick and kids who just can't calm down. We have been fighting for placements that were never thought of such as wilderness therapy never thought of in the elementary school ages. Susan Stone: I think since COVID, the behaviors are getting much worse. I think parents are on edge. And I think all parents are doing what they can do. And I think in the past that might've been right, Kristina. But I'm going to challenge both of you on that. What do you do when you have a really out of control kid and you yourself are on your last piece of gas in your tank? Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Right. Well, that was even where Kristina started out, you know, the child who can't go to the restaurant, can't do play dates, having a hard time. I mean, that's definitely outside the normal realm. And then you, I think you really do need help, you know, and I usually have people start with getting a pediatric psychologist involved. Sometimes even just to work with the parent and then coach the parent through how to manage things or what is, you know, a lot of times children with anxiety show up as being oppositional. You know, they're, they're stubborn. Beyond belief, but it turns out it's stemming from anxiety and they're so afraid or frightened that they just don't want to do whatever it is. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So, so if, if you are feeling that you're at the end of your rope, it's time to call out for help. So check with your pediatrician. Try to get in with the child psychologist to help. And then sometimes they do need, a special education situation, like pep, like the positive education program for we've had, I've had some patients there where the children couldn't handle themselves in a regular school setting and they went into something like that. And then did and did really well. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But right. I mean, there certainly are some kids who are not managing with the typical advice. And so if, if the typical advice isn't working that is often a sign that maybe there is something more going on now.  Susan Stone: I think I want to do a shout out to our readers. It, I love what you said, Zizzy. If you feel that normal intervention is not working. Susan Stone: Don't blame yourself. Get help. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Right. Right. Cause probably there's something more going on with that kid. When the regular advice, I did have one parent and she tries every last thing and the kid was so bright that it took a while to diagnose. At first they thought it was anxiety. Then they thought it was ADHD, but then it turned out it was autism as well. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But the child is so bright that he kind of. Kind of tricked to everybody.  Kristina Supler: It seems so often it's really important for parents to listen to their gut instincts. And when being told, you know, oh, your child is tired, moody, whatever. There's, there's nothing wrong. Cause. She gets great grades. He's thriving on the standardized testing. But you feel like something is not right. Kristina Supler: Something is not right. It just, in our experience, it's so essential for parents to, to hold onto their gut instinct and keep digging and not settle, or rest, even when there's schools or maybe even a pediatrician and people saying, no, it's fine. It's fine. You're, you're a hypersensitive helicopter parents. But you know, those parenting instincts often serve as well. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Right. I, I, a hundred percent agree with that. My best teacher in residency told me that, you can do all the blood tests and MRIs and everything, but basically listen to the parent. Because if the parent has a concern for the most part, your job is to really dig into that concern and figure out what's going on. Because no parent really wants there to be a problem with their kid. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So if they're saying that they're worried, usually there's something to it now. I mean, certainly there can be exceptions and there can be some people that worry about things that are really fine and reassurance. There's a, there's a rule for reassurance, but I do agree. Most of the time really do have a great sense of their own kid. Susan Stone: So what is the, I have a really interesting question that we all sort of led down this path. And then with those high functioning, autistic children, they're verbal early. They can really trick the system and they need early intervention. What would be the early signs to prepare us and that more high functioning level. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So that's, that's true. I mean, they're T they're tricky. That, that may be a little bit past me, but there, I think it's, I think it's, again, maybe the social piece. Are they interacting with peers? Are they, are they doing reciprocal play? Cause the kids go from the parallel play around two to between three and five they do the, the communal play where they're pretending to cook together or are they're pretending to be on a boat and on a trip. And, and they're having to communicate with each other in order to play.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And so if the kid really can't do that and some kids on the spectrum want to do things their own way with their own script, and they only want to talk about a certain toy or movie or something like that, but won't listen to what the other kid wants to do. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So I guess, especially with they're really verbal kid, but they're just not listening to the other kid. They're not taking the other kids' ideas and going with it. That I think that could be one of the big red flags for the very intelligent, very verbal kid who turns out to be on the spectrum. Okay.  Susan Stone: So Kristina, why don't you, uh, launch our next topic.  Kristina Supler: No pun intended. So let's fast forward. Now we we've talked about the early years. Let's move down the line and talk about teenagers. Okay. So students, perhaps college kids. Zizzy, I believe you've indicated that, you listened to our episode with Dr. Mark McConville author of "Failure to Launch" who is such a pleasure to have on as a guest. And he's just so respected and knowledgeable and offered such good wisdom and insight and in guidance.  Kristina Supler: For those parents sort of wrestling with the issue of how to foster independence and responsibility and they're high school students, they're teens. So that come time to head off to college in the fall. Kristina Supler: It's not a total disaster where the kids sleeping in late; spending too much money partying and all of a sudden the straight A student is getting F's. So what can parents do? What tips or, or strategies could you offer to help parents, began to foster those, important skills of independence and responsibility very early on to avoid the failure to launch situation. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And I did think that was a great episode. I highly recommend it for your listeners who haven't heard it. One thing that I sort of wish I had started a little earlier with my kids. So I'll say it for everybody else, but it is probably a good idea to start chores early on, like in the three to five-year-old range. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And it doesn't have three, doesn't have to be something huge, but it could be, you know, helping clean up toys, helping sort the laundry, set the table, they love to clean. So giving them a rag and clean. Yeah. And the Swiffers, you know, and the little even they make these funny little vacuum cleaners that kids can run that actually do pick up dirt and they love. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So they like that. And then in elementary school they can help take care of animals. They can help with the garbage, they can clean bathrooms. And then like in Montessori, the kids all make their own snack. And they can with a knife that you get from takeout, like a plastic knife, they can cut cucumbers and they can help make the salad. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: They do like to help with meal prep. And then I have a lot of patients whose kids pack their lunch for school. And they have a little algorithm. You know, you need a protein, you need a grain, you need a fruit and veggie. And they have them kind of set up in the fridge and little zones in the fridge. And the kids pack their lunch and they fill each little, you know, section of their lunch. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And they're, so they're starting with good nutrition and they're starting with meal meal responsibility too. And then the  Kristina Supler: whole notion of just the simple task of pet, well, simple for an adult packing, a lunch involving school-aged child in that there's so many lessons in there. Executive function, planning, nutrition, all of that, just personal responsibility. Kristina Supler: That's a really great tip for our listeners.  Susan Stone: I've always had my children help with Friday night dinner.  Kristina Supler: And that's another example. .  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Right. Like helping with cooking so that then when they get, when they get older, they can, be cooking some for themselves.  Susan Stone: My daughter, when she went to college was shocked to learn that she was the only person who really could not only cook, but she's an excellent cook. Susan Stone: And I take for granted the time I spend with my children, teaching them to be good cooks.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah, so that's a good one. And then I'm, I'm also a huge advocate of parents getting out of the homework business. I really feel like starting in middle school, it should be, it should be between the child and the teacher, and it is not your job to know what the homework is and to check the homework and all of that and let the teacher do it and let the teacher know what's happening before they get to high school. Because the grades in middle school are so important. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So if they mess up a few things, it's okay. And, but then they're in charge of their own homework. Now I know it's easier said than done, and it's obviously easier with the more motivated kid. And if your kid isn't that motivated, you may have to be involved a little bit. But I would try to take some step back steps back in middle school with regard to homework. Susan Stone: I have questions on that. Susan Stone: One is though for my younger child. Now, if they go to school, There's an app and they alert you and it's like, I turned it off. I don't want to know my daughter's not turning in her homework. I agree. But Kristina and I work with a lot of students and sometimes we see it in adults who have serious executive function issues. Susan Stone: Right. So what is normal? I forgot my homework. The dog ate my homework. And allowing them to have consequences versus seeing a child that might need some good intervention in their executive function skills. Now I will say, and I want to know if you agree with this again, it's not good to get involved because you want the teachers to see it and get the help and tease it out. Susan Stone: But how do we know the difference between it just being, oh, this is so boring versus a, I just can't get organized.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah. I mean, I'm a huge fan of the family meeting. Which I think, I think one of your guests talk about that too.  Kristina Supler: That's a big, positive discipline, right? Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Right. So the family meeting is a great one, and I was just reviewing some of the recommendations for that. And then this one, I thing I read said, you know, the agenda should start with compliments which is great. Cause then everyone's looking all week for things that other people did well, that they could, list as their compliment and then challenges. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And then that's where you try to brainstorm some solutions. And that's where maybe this executive functioning thing could come in. So if there'd been challenges with homework, not getting turned in or the books from school not making it home from school or whatever that could be addressed at the meeting and talk about strategies to do better. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But then if those methods are putting up something on the whiteboard in the kitchen, or, you know, Saying, would you like me to check that your backpack is loaded in at the night? You know, kind of coming up with some dual strategies that the kids involved with the parents involved with. If those things aren't working, then I do think you need to get the school involved, the school counselor involved. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: To see if they feel like the child needs some more executive functioning support at school at, or even is there an ADHD element going on that needs further diagnosis? So I am a big fan of that.  Kristina Supler: It might be a tricky question, but what's the difference between over-parenting in your mind versus normal support for your child?  Susan Stone: Great question. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah. Well, and that kind of gets back to this failure to launch things. So let me actually go back to the failure to launch, and then we'll get back into that. So after the getting out of the homework business for high schoolers, I do think, like we said, there, they should be in charge of their, their work. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And then I do think considering a paid job for your high schooler is not a bad idea. Because paid work does teach a ton of responsibility and getting there on time. And doing some maybe menial tasks that you don't really like to do, but you do them anyway. And then I did clothing allowance with my kids and I thought it was fantastic. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So they got a certain amount of money every quarter that was to be spent on clothes. And, and we had it all worked out. Like if I was going to buy like the winter coats and the boots or whatever, but this was just for regular clothes. And they got that amount of money and they each had a bank account with a debit card and I put the money in there and then every time they went to the store or nowadays I'm sure kids are just buying it online, they could buy it or not. But they wouldn't get more money until the next quarter. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And I think that's a great way to teach them, like when their kids go to college a lot of kids overspend. And then they don't know cause they can door dash stuff, they can take an Uber, they have this and they have that. So like it's kind of a nice way to sort of start teaching them if there is a set amount of money and you can decide how you want to spend it, but there's not going to be any more for three months. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Or you get your job and you make more money and you can spend it that way. So I do think some money management, a lot of my, one of my daughters college freshmen friends had no clue about money and the parents were so mad because they were asking for more money all the time. That like, what all this? Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So I do think doing some money management in high school is a good idea before they get to, before they get to college.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But then back to your other question about the helicopter parent versus the supportive parent, I mean, obviously that's sort of a style point and there are some cultural differences. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But I guess I would say, you'd like the kid to have some, just some motivation on their own, that they're interested in something and they want to do it. And then maybe your job as the parent is to sort of provide, a good place to do your work.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Or, you know, maybe we didn't talk about sleep, but I'm a huge sleep advocate. And I do think, I think parents should be pretty involved in how, and when the kid goes to bed. Because if they don't get enough sleep, then everything falls apart. And I mean, the age, the amount of sleep children are supposed to get is, is much more than most kids are getting. And adults. Exactly. And I was reading you probably, you guys probably know Lisa DeMar, she's an amazing local psychologist. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And she wrote a really neat article on sleep. And, for the kind of the middle schoolers, she wants them all to get 10 hours of sleep and said, You have to get your homework done. You need to do 30 minutes of chores and you need 10 hours of sleep. And then if you can, if you have time for other activities, you can fit them in around that. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: But you know, the sleep is sort of the non-negotiable. So I think parents do need to be, and nowadays with teenagers, I get a lot of teenager checkups and I asked them what time they go to the bed? And the mother said, well, I don't know, because I go to bed at 10 and I don't know what they're doing after 10. Susan Stone: I have to tell you. That is so true when your kids are little, you have a tuck-in routine, but I will say good night and sort of check in on my high schooler. But I don't know what she's doing. I'm hoping she's going to sleep. But I'm going to be more mindful of this.  Susan Stone: I just want to ask for a recent observation that I find so interesting. When I was 16 and Kristina chime in getting your license was like the most important thing you could do. But I'm noticing from my friends and their kids and this generation driving is not a big deal and they don't care if they drive. They're happy to Uber.  Kristina Supler: I agree at growing up and when I was a teen, it was unthinkable that you wouldn't get your license the minute you possibly could. Kristina Supler: And it is this really interesting shift now, uh, we're seeing a lot of teens who just don't think it's necessary because friends around them or you have Uber or driving is just too stressful. Don't want it. Don't need it. Have you seen that in your medical practice or do you know what's, what's fueling this? Kristina Supler: Or why  Susan Stone: does, and should you just say no, you're getting your license. This is not a choice because I am not your chauffeur.  Kristina Supler: Or do you have to really listen to what your child's expressing. I think the driving one, great question Susan, and that's a tough issue because you want to foster independence, but yet, you know, it's like, well, if my kid doesn't want to drive, maybe I have I'm in what's going on. Kristina Supler: And I think that's a complicated issue for parents. Well,  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah, it's pretty dark for us, Zizzy. The whole driving issue. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: It is funny because I do think it does sort of depend on girl, boy. I mean, I tend to see that the girls are getting their licenses on time. Cause they're just a little at that age, a little more organized. You know, you have to do the thing and take the test and they're just, and they just seem to be a little, social and they want to get out and about. And so I tend to see the girls getting their licenses pretty close to 16 and the boys not being as concerned because, you know, they're there, they can play their video games with their friends, from their couch and they don't need to get over there. Susan Stone: That's so true. Where are they going? They're staying home.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: In terms of, from a parent's perspective, if you need them to drive cause they have other, you have other kids or you have other opportunities, then I think got like a job that you could say, look, you're able to get your license. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So it would really make life easier. If you decide not to do it, then you're on your own to find your way to where your practice or wherever you're going. You know, I think you can kind of try to put it on them a little bit, but I mean, honestly, teenagers are not the best drivers. So for me waiting a little longer, a little more mature, a little more friend to low, that's fine with me, a kid who doesn't really want to drive. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: It doesn't want to drive. I wouldn't push it because it's distressed, they can get distracted and they can, it's a huge responsibility driving a car. And so I'd really want them to be motivated and know, you know, that it's a big responsibility. They need to take it very seriously. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: I do. I do tell kids around this time, each year, you know, sadly there's often a car load of teenage boys that gets into a very serious possibly even fatal accident. And usually, usually they're not drinking. They're usually just goofing around. Just being funny, silly, goofy people, and it ends very badly. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: So I want them all paying attention while they're driving. And if they're not into it, I'd rather them in an Uber.  Susan Stone: Yeah. You know, that's really interesting. Well, Zizzy, I think we're going to have to invite you back. Not even get halfway through what we wanted to talk to you back about.  Susan Stone: Wow. There's just so much to us stuff to talk to the pediatrician about. I think you need your own podcast. Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: Yeah. I will just put in one plug for my boss. I work for a Senders Pediatrics. And my boss is Shelly Senders. Our website is amazing and he writes, uh, it used to be weekly, but now it's a twice monthly newsletter that has incredible topics. Like two weeks ago, he had tick-tock brain on there and how to get more sleep.  Dr. Zizzy Bucchieri: And this, this week's has some good information on what's going on with COVID. So if anyone has more general pediatric questions, take look at our website. But it was great talking with you ladies.  Susan Stone: We got to get together soon. Kristina Supler: We're so pleased. You're able to join us today and our listeners check out Senders Pediatrics. Thanks to everyone for listening to Real Talk with Susan and Kristina. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to our show so that you never miss an episode. And leave us a review so that other people couldn't find the content we share as well. Kristina Supler: You can follow us on Instagram, just search our handle at Stone Supler and for more resources, visit us online at studentdefense.Kjk.com. Thank you so much for being a part of our Real Talk community and we will see you next time.

It's the first episode of TONY'S PICKS (where Tony Thaxton books my guests) and anything could happen! He's booked Matt Gourley and Mark McConville who've come equipped with fun facts and silly games. Do they hate water just as much as I do? Plus playing the ponies, Matt's Easter hunt, town in Orange County, Tony's editing, Game of Thrones talk, TV talk, a truly confusing experience for yours truly where it turns out no one uses "bump" the way I do and so much more. Products I Use/Recommend/Love: http://amazon.com/shop/alisonrosen Check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/alisonrosen This episode is brought to you by: CHILI SLEEP: http://chilisleep.com/bestfriend (for 30% off) LITTLE SPOON: http://littlespoon.com (use code bestfriend for 50% off first order) COINBASE: http://Coinbase.com/alison for $10 in free Bitcoin Buy Alison's Book: Tropical Attire Encouraged (and Other Phrases That Scare Me)  https://amzn.to/2JuOqcd You probably need to buy the HGFY ringtone! https://www.alisonrosen.com/store/

Actor, musicin, improvisor and comedian Mark McConville is the baldest member of the genius improv group Superego, because he is the only bald member of Superego. But that is fine by him, because Mark is down with baldness! He discusses his bald outing story that saved him from getting what is now a now Vegas trash haircut, and how a past girlfriend's over dyed hair led him to embrace the bic and shave it off. Brian and he chat about comedy origins, creative survival and prove they are terrible at Trump impersonations. Alopecia and THE SLAP are also parsed by the two shineheads. And poor Charlie misses out on all the weird life connections he and Mark share. __ Show Information Twitter: @baldtalkpodcast Instagram: @baldtalkpod Email: baldtalkpod@gmail.com Brian Huskey Twitter: @thebrianhuskey Instagram: @thebrianhuskey Charlie Sanders Instagram: @charliesanders

[This is a rerelease of one of our favorite episodes! We will be back with new episodes later this month!]Comedian Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) joined 16-yr-old host Alyssa Sabo (@alyssa_sabo), 37-yr-old sidekick Ben Cassil (@bencassil), bandleader Janine Hogan (@j9_hogan), and professional audience member July Diaz (@julydiaz) in 1996 to talk about kissing, Hats in the Belfry, Summer Loving, favorite hymns, and play a game called "Make Alyssa's Life Funny!"Follow Paul on Twitter @PFTompkins, and check out his hilarious podcasts: Stay F. Homekins with his wife Janie, Threedom with Scott Aukerman and Lauren Lapkus, Superego with Jeremy Carter, Matt Gourley, and Mark McConville, and The Neighborhood Listen with Nicole Parker! Follow bandleader Janine Hogan on Twitter and Instagram @j9_hogan, and follow July Diaz on Twitter @julydiaz!Theme song by Ben Cassil. Email us for advice TotallyRad1996@gmail.com, rate and review on Apple Podcasts. Follow @totallyrad1996 for video content!

It's Villain's Night at the Strange Familiar and...Magic Tavern's 7th Anniversary!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungThe Night Doctor: Paul F. TomkinsMelissa Deathridge: Matt GorleyOgre What's Good at Magic: Mark McConvilleMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Sage G.C.Special Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew Merch is available here!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dr. Mark McConville is a Clinical Psychologist licensed by the State of Ohio with over 30 years of professional experience in adult, adolescent, emerging adult, and family psychology. Mark serves as a senior faculty member of the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland (GIC), a world renowned post-graduate training source for consulting and counseling professionals, and currently chairs GIC's Advanced Training Program for Working With Children and Adolescents. Mark is the author of Failure to Launch: Why Your Twentysomething Hasn't Grown Up...and What to Do About It, a guide for parents of the 2.2 million young adults in America who are struggling to find their way in the world. Highlights 02:30 Introduction to Mark and his background 09:15 The demands on youth today as they enter into adulthood are much greater. Parents and grandparents shouldn't make the mistake of thinking that it's as easy as going out and getting a job. 11:20 Kurt and Mark discuss young missionaries and if it's a good idea to send them on missions at such a young age. 16:45 Kids growing up right now have the most supportive generation of parents in history. This is a huge plus but also has it's negative aspects. 21:30 Kurt asks Mark if there are any ways that we can better prepare our missionaries. 25:00 The presence or absence of community is one the the critical variables in predicting success of starting a new phase in life. Such as, moving and starting a new job or leaving on a mission. 26:45 Mark talks about the developmental stages of being a parent and tips for parents at each stage. He gives his 3 primary ways that parents influence their children. Supervision Negotiating Consulting 34:40 How can we help youth reach out to other adults rather than their parents? 47:30 Mark's tips for setting goals with youth. He suggests setting goals that are in the near future. 51:00 The importance of giving your kids responsibility 59:50 The concept of shame. Shame is one of the most toxic emotions. 1:03:00 The first thing a leader should do is de-shame the situation. Neutralize the shame and then go into how to fix the problem. 1:05:45 How parents can deal with older children in their twenties that are living at home and not progressing in life. 1:09:20 Mark's final encouragement to youth leaders Links Failure to Launch: Why Your Twentysomething Hasn't Grown Up...and What to Do About It Read the TRANSCRIPT of this podcast

In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student & Athlete Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Dr. Mark McConville, a renowned clinical psychologist and author experienced in parenting and child development, as well as adult, adolescent, emerging adult and family psychology. They discuss the struggle many young adults experience transitioning from adolescence to adulthood - a phenomenon Dr. McConville has labeled Failure to Launch. The conversation includes how this struggle came about, tips for parents to help their children get through it and anecdotal advice. Transcript: Susan Stone:                    Welcome back to Real Talk with Susan Stone and Kristina Supler. We're full-time moms and attorneys, bringing our student defense legal practice to life with real, candid conversations. Today's topic is Failure to Launch. Kristina Supler:               We're so pleased today to be joined by Dr. Mark McConville. Dr. McConville is a family clinical psychologist in private practice here in Cleveland, Ohio. He's lectured and published on child development and parenting across the country. And within his private practice, he has really earned a reputation as the preeminent psychologist for working with patients, young adults, primarily, who are struggling with this adolescent to adult transition, a phenomenon he's labeled Failure to Launch. So we are so pleased to be joined today by Mark McConville. Susan Stone:                    I do have to add, welcome, Dr. McConville… Dr. Mark McConville:     Thank you. Thank you. Susan Stone:                    ... his wife was my daughter, Alex's kindergarten teacher. Dr. McConville, we know you're a famous author, but to me you are Mrs. McConville's husband. Dr. Mark McConville:     That's right. It's like being married to a rock star. We can't go into a restaurant without some young person jumping up across the way and coming over and giving a big kindergarten hug. Kristina Supler:               That's so sweet. Susan Stone:                    I love that. Kristina and I had the pleasure of ordering your book on Amazon. And I still remember Kristina coming in that morning, and when I got to the final chapter, and I read that letter you wrote to 20 somethings, and I read the excerpt from your mother, I just started to cry. I could not stop crying. I just want you to know that. And I said to Kristina, maybe it's because I have two kids now out of college, and one who is a sophomore, but your book made me think about my own parenting, myself going through emerging adulthood, and then all of our clients, and it just brought just a torrential amount of tears. Kristina Supler:               I so enjoyed the book as well. I have a son and a daughter, they're younger. They're not in high school, but nonetheless through our legal practice and what Susan and I deal with every day, sort of know what lies ahead. And I was so struck by your approach in the book. You demonstrated such kindness towards these young adults who are struggling. And while your advice I think was so rooted in sound psychological theories, I also love that it just had such an element of practicality to it. Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. That's what comes with being at any line of work for a long time, you begin to tease out what sounds elegant, but isn't really useful. And you discover all kinds of things that are quite ordinary, but are very useful, put in the right context. And one of them, Susan, I certainly did not intend my readers to cry heavily. But I really had in mind that people would understand more compassionately what these people are going through. If I put myself in the shoes of being a client, and over the course of my life I have done, several times. But if I don't feel gotten, if I don't feel that I'm talking with a counselor who gets where I'm coming from, they don't have to necessarily agree with everything I say or think. But if I feel understood, I am so much more available for change. And so that's the part of the premise of the book is that these kids often feel, whether it's true or not, they often feel that their parents don't understand them. And they'll come in and complain about that to a therapist. But when the parent can get to that place of, I can identify with what they're going through. I can see the poor choices, but I understand them better, kids are much more amenable to the parents' strategies and intervention. So, thanks for the shout-out. Susan Stone:                    Thank you for that. Can you help our readers and listeners, because we do put it out both in written and we put our podcast out, understand, how do you define failure to launch? Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. I first have to tell you, I objected to that title, but the publishers were adamant. They said, that's what we're calling it at the office. And I knew there'd been a movie by that title. My original title was Getting a Life, as in, get a life. But they said that's a little too subtle. It'll be lost on some people. There is a developmental transition from the world of adolescence to the world of emerging adulthood. And they are very different worlds. Adolescence is organized largely around high school life. Even if you're a disinterested student, it's still in many ways, it's the town square where you live. And that life is organized, plotted out and overseen by adults, by educators. It has evolved over the course of a century and a half. And so while they don't know it, they're living a little bit in The Truman Show. There's a structure to the framework of their being. And when they transition out of that, they often find themselves at sea. Just to give a simple example, there are so many things that growing up, even if you are, let's say you are a highly responsible, effective 11th grader, still, so much of the administrative management of your life has been taken care of by adults. And then that whole college application process starts. And all of a sudden you're expected to fill out forms, solicit teachers for recommendation letters, communicate with the college about roommate selection, et cetera, et cetera. And we'll see these highly competent kids just stall out, because it's a new set of ground rules. And that is often their first introduction. Or for kids who aren't college bound, maybe that first job, the job interview, having responsibilities that actually matter to a store or a restaurant. You really are transformed. If you make it through that transition by age, let's say 25 or 28, you have a whole different sense of yourself, in a sort of fledgling way, but as competent, as knowing more or less what you're doing. And in that transition, you are fraught with experiences of not really having a clue what you're doing. And unfortunately, and this is true more for males than females, often resistant to the kind of support and guidance that would make things much easier. Kristina Supler:               That's really interesting, the resistance to support and guidance. And I love at the beginning of the book, you make this observation that's just so insightful and in line with what Susan and I are seeing in our law practice every day. You say that kids today, they worry more and they risk less, which really ultimately contributes and leads to anxiety, depression. And I know, Susan, wouldn't you agree, every day we're dealing with students who are depressed, anxious. They have ADHD. They've been in therapy. I mean, don't you think they're- Susan Stone:                    They're frozen. We see kids who get to a point where they just freeze. They can't get out of bed. They can't go to school. And then we see the parents trying to overcompensate and say that's okay. And then when you hear the okay, it reinforces it. And then they need a legal defense, and we need them to participate and help us. And then we're told that they can't because being with us is too upsetting. And we're like, wait, we've got to be able to do our job with your child. And it leads to this cycle. Kristina Supler:               I'm just curious to hear your feedback on what got us to this point or contributed to this trend where adolescents and young adults, they're afraid to take risks and everyone's anxious? How did we get here? Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. Well, first a comment about the thing of parents, is supporting their kids and not meeting with the two of you. That's very telling. I would not, having met the two of you now, I would not see you as particularly terrifying representatives of the adult world or the real world. I know you're doing serious business, but you both seem to have a very receptive kind of gentle good listening sort of way. So for a parent to say, I have to protect my kid from that experience, tells you the equation is not balanced. There's something out of whack here. The question of how this came about is we could do a symposium on it, because it has a lot to do with how the world has changed from say the time that I was their age. When I was their age, 30% of high school graduates went to college. Today it's more like 70%. When I was their age, had I chosen, I could have taken a bus across town, gone to the employment office at Kodak, and had been making a living wage within a month, bought my first car within three or four months. I could have down payment on a small bungalow by the time I'm 20. I mean, those were options. Those really aren't options today. The amount of education that you need just to get a foothold. And if you talk to kids with good four year educations from good schools, and while some of them land terrific, interesting jobs, many of them are extremely frustrated because the job opportunities, if they can find them, they don't meet their fantasy. Remember, this is the generation that we encouraged dream. Laurel School, dream, dare, do. And it's a wonderful inspiration that we're giving. And I think most kids absorb it and utilize it. You're seeing the ones and I'm seeing the ones who that lofty aspiration becomes a millstone around their neck. I'm not going to live up to that. And so it's harder growing up. Everything you look at, from the cost of housing to the salaries, wages have gone steadily down since 1970. You have to be a much more sophisticated being to make your way in the world. And because of that, your generation of parents, yours specifically, has been the most supportive generation in history. And that's not a knock, that's praise. Because we do in fact have kids who are willing to soar. Why can't I go to medical school? Why can't I become an international business expert? Kids have lofty aspirations. Many of them meet them. I like to look at sports. I have a 13 year old granddaughter who just happens ... Doesn't happen to be, her extraordinary focus and hard work, is a tremendous soccer player, but she has her full parent, grandparent support, an extra soccer coach, leagues that are run by dedicated adults. And I think, boy, we had to go out and make our own team and coach ourselves and call somebody from another school to say, if they wanted to play us on Saturday morning. So the support. So there's a reason why, let's just take this generation of women athletes, imagine them playing a team from 1968, it would be cruelty. It would be cruelty, because they are so much better supported. So there's a lot to be said for support. We only hear about the helicopter parent, the snowplow parent. So parents get dinged for this. But in fact, as a cohort, your generation of parents has done an extraordinary job. Susan Stone:                    I have to share with you, my mother was first generation American. My grandparents all came from Europe to escape oppression. And my mother had a different attitude. I remember saying, "I don't want to do my homework." And she would say, "Don't do your homework, it's your education." And if I would wake up and say, "I don't want to go to school," she'd say, "Your education." And so I took ownership early on, and I was a latchkey kid, so I would go to school, come home, make dinner, help my sister. I think about my own parenting. If my kid said, I don't feel like going to school, I'd be like, "Of course you have to go to school." The question I have is I feel like it's very late. Are there earlier signs in middle school, early high school, before that senior year where you can see? And what can you do to prevent the struggling transition? Dr. Mark McConville:     Yes. Yeah. So it's just a little anecdote. I was doing a radio talk show, and a father called in and said, "I have a three year old. What should I be doing with my three year old?" At first my jaw dropped, but then I said, "Well, you should be sitting down on the playroom floor saying, 'Come on over here, buddy. We're going to pick up these toys together. I'll get all the trucks, so you get all the puzzles.'" That kind of parenting takes so much more time and energy than just picks the damn room up, and put the stuff in wherever it goes. But to sit down and work with that child, where you're really paying attention to the sort of just emergent qualities of initiative and ownership, and that's what your mother did brilliantly. Your mother was a good gambler. She was able to read her opponent. Susan Stone:                    Still is. Dr. Mark McConville:     She knew if she played that card, that you would pick it up. But what she was doing was challenging you to take initiative and ownership. Now, a lot of kids today need more fine-tuned parenting than that. And even when you say to your kids, what are you talking about? Of course you're going to do your homework. That's very efficient parenting, and most kids respond to it. I'm watching my kids parent their kids, and I see that. We don't make an issue of schoolwork because it's not an issue. It's taken granted that you're going to do it. It's out of the question that you wouldn't do it. They don't fight over a lot. But what if you get one of those oppositional kids who seem to come along on their own to nobody's bad parenting, and they come along and say, yeah, it's done. I did it in school. And of course they didn't. And then that's where parenting becomes high maintenance. Kristina Supler:               I mean with the student who, Susie or Johnny, who's been amazing all through school. Has these dreams of going on to a prestigious college. Involved in every extracurricular under the sun. But all of a sudden senior year hits that moment where there's a total loss of initiative, motivation, the student starts to shut down from anxiety about the future and what lies ahead. When parents see that collapse coming on, what can parents do? I mean, what tips do you have? Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. We call that senior year collapse actually. And it's a very interesting phenomenon because it's ... Deep in the background of our consciousness, we all sense the passage of time and the passage of life's ground rules. And that's maybe, other than say leaving home for kindergarten or preschool where the ground rules change pretty dramatically, a lot of those kids feel the hoof beats of the future. Like I'm not going to have this support. And we see that more frequently with kids who have been on 504 plans, or they've benefited, because those are kids who have really utilized that support. Some of them, in the context of a therapy session, will be quite insightful. Not all of them, but occasionally there will be a kid that says, I'm afraid of next year. What if I just don't get up, and... Because after all, my mom wakes me up now in the morning. I always get my papers done, but it's usually because there's an email from my English teacher telling my parents that I'm a week behind, or something like that. And that get intuits, I may be in trouble. So, how to respond to it. I'll give you the template, the model. Younger, there's a phenomenon called a school avoidance. We used to call school phobia. So you might have an eight or a 10 year old, they're hanging onto the door jam. "I'm not going." The protocol for intervention is by hook or by crook, you call Uncle Vinny. He comes over, picks the kid up, puts him in the car, you take them to school, whether they have to sit in the nurse's office or in the library, doesn't matter. They got to know that being in school is not a negotiable. And the great majority of those kids, I'm going to guesstimate, 90%, they adapt. Their little brain says, well, well, I guess I have to do it, and then they do it. The other 10%, what they're signaling us, and the tragedy is we often don't know it until we put them in school, then the nurse or the counselor says nothing positive is happening. I came in my counseling office the other day, and he was hiding under the desk. Then we know we have more of a mental health issue. We have a kid that quite likely does in fact warrant a diagnosis and treatment intervention for anxiety, perhaps depression. So it's a hard thing for parents because the kind of gentle tough love thing is often necessary to clarify the diagnosis. I mean, there's a lot of diagnosing that way. And we see that with the same thing with the high school senior, the parents who say, uh-uh (negative), I'm sorry, you are going to school. One mental health day a month, but no more. Something like that. And a lot of those kids respond. The one who don't are telling us, I'm not ready to move on. I have an ongoing quarrel with society about this. I have a piece of advice I've given a hundred times. Maybe once it was followed. And the advice is, look, you've got a kid that's really ready to go to college from an academic standpoint. He or she is a good student. Their SATs, their scores are perfectly acceptable. They're telling you they're not ready to graduate. Let them not graduate. Let them walk across the stage and get an empty piece of paper. It won't kill them, and it's easy to recover. How do you recover? You take a six week English course at the local public school, and you start college in January. And really in most cases, unless we're seeing real emergent mental illness, or a serious drug problem that has just sort of crested. Other than that, they get their act together. The alternative, and I sent one of my kids to college on this. The alternative is they send the kid off to college anyhow. Two semesters, academic probation, six incompletes, two F's and two C's. And the school is saying, sorry, or they're saying ... I call it academic rehab. It doesn't have a hundred percent hit rate. It maybe is, in my patient population, maybe 60%. But it usually means take two courses at tri C, get a job. The job is an important part of the therapy, because it changes how you feel about yourself. The produce manager told me how much he appreciates the job I do. And they need me this weekend because it's a heavy shopping weekend. I'm beginning to feel a little more like I may have the stuff it takes to become an adult. And for that kid who then goes back to school the following year, there's a much higher success rate. And my point is a lot of that could be avoided if you let the kids flunk English, and then rehab over the summer. The other thing is, if you do the two semesters and out, your self-esteem and self-confidence takes a massive hit. All kids this age feel like phonies, but these kids feel it more. Whereas the embarrassment of telling your friends that you've got summer school, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is just big whoop, as they used to say. It's not hard to hide. It's not hard to do. You kind of get tired of... I had one kid who I mentioned in the book who the parents couldn't get him to come out from under his bed. Well, you get tired of being under your bed, after a while. Susan Stone:                    Well, I want to challenge you on something. Dr. Mark McConville:     Oh, good. Susan Stone:                    I'm wondering whether the system today is setting kids up to fail because we have them in high school, in this highly structured environment. And now college has absolutely no boundaries until a kid violates the code of conduct. There are no visitation rules. It just seems like there just needs to be some better way to transition students. And I went to college, look, I'm 55. There was some sort of visitation in the dorm where everyone had to be back, and you couldn't have members of the opposite sex in your room- Kristina Supler:               We still had those rules and restrictions, and it was a big deal. It was really enforced. Susan Stone:                    Yeah. I didn't know that. Is this even fair? Dr. Mark McConville:     It's a great question. And I don't know that I have a good answer, because I was sort of a witness to the culture wars that led to all this openness. One of my dear friends in high school went to college. I was from Rochester, New York. He came to John Carroll, and after a semester he transferred. I asked him why he transferred. He said, "It was 10 o'clock one night. I was in my dorm room, lights out at 10 o'clock. I have the covers pulled over my head, and I'm reading my biology textbook with a flashlight." And I said to myself, "What's wrong with this picture?" The structures that were carried over from the 1950s were the other edge of the pendulum arc. And then through the cultural transition of the 60s and the 70s and feminism, you're looking at so many of these restrictions as just not useful and appropriate. And you are certainly right. It is at an extreme where, when you go off to college, you better have a fair amount of self-discipline and self-regulation. And the kids who do, are fine, the kids who don't, are not. Now, one thing, this may not be the most elegant solution. Colleges do differ in the amount of structure that they impose and the ground rules. I'm not sure that's the basis on which I'd want to choose a school. But if I had a kid who I thought was a pretty loose cannon, that might go high on my priority list. Susan Stone:                    What about a gap year? Because I'm a big- Dr. Mark McConville:     Oh, I love gap years. I love gap years. There's a book by a scholar named Jean Twenge, came out a year or two ago. She's what you call a demographer. She studies generations. And she makes a very plausible research case for today's generation being a new distinct generation. She calls it iGen. They were born after the introduction of the iPhone. And then she goes through all the ways that that and technology generally has changed her life. And one of the things she noted that was fascinating, that this generation of high school teenagers, less drug abuse, fewer pregnancies, fewer instances of diagnosed oppositional defiant disorder, like everything bad about adolescences is settling down. It's not unusual for a 16 to 17 year old today to say, "I'm going to stay in and watch a movie with my parents." Or, "Yeah, I'll play Scrabble, give me a board. I'll participate." And the initial interpretation, Twenge says, is that these kids are growing up faster. They're seeming more like adult-like in their late teens. But she said as the research piled up, they came to the exact opposite conclusion. They're actually growing up slower. So they're more comfortable with attachment and dependence, and the sort of mandatory distancing from your parents. You remember the book from 25 years ago, mom, would you please drive me and Sally to the ... Oh, mom, I hate you. Get out of my life. But first, please drive me and Sally to the shopping center. That kind of teens, they must rebel. You don't see it so necessarily today. And so that gap year is exactly ... I wish it was like Israel, where you have to do two years of civil service, because there's so much growing up that takes place. And you're not being measured every time. You're not on a timetable of assignments handed in and quizzes taken. I just think it does more to change how you feel about yourself. My kids go the gap years the year after college. They did a thing called Jesuit Volunteer Corps. And so they were doing social service work, but it was so useful in giving them a taste of being viable and useful in the adult world. Kristina Supler:               It sounds like what you're saying is that this transition into adulthood really requires adolescents and young adults to have a sense of responsibility, self-discipline, self-reliance. And so for parents, when you have an 18 year old who's really struggling to take on any sense of responsibility for oneself, what are parents supposed to do now? I mean, a hard line approach of, get out of my house, get a job. You got to pay your own bills and make your way. Do parents have to let their kids crash and burn fail? Or is there a softer approach to helping foster that sense of responsibility in your child? Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. I call that the Archie Bunker Approach. It used to be called tough love. I'm not a fan of tough love, partially dispositionally. It's not in my character. I mean, this is the argument my book makes, you can set limits and boundaries, and have expectations and consequences. And you can do that in a way that conveys tremendous love and support. Kristina Supler:               That's beautiful. Dr. Mark McConville:     I'll give you an example. This is just so garden variety. Not this summer, the summer before, I had a kid I'd seen off and on in high school. And he has to come back, because he was doing a lot of headbutting with his parents. And it turned out his mother had driven him to the session, so she was in the waiting room. He was 19 years old, a college student. Their argument du jour was, she's saying, "You have a dentist appointment on Friday. It conflicts with your work schedule, call the dentist's office and reschedule." And he just doesn't do it. "I'll do it. I'll do it. Get off my back." But he doesn't do it. And I said to him, "Would it be okay if I brought your mom in?" And I talked him into it. So she comes into the office, and I watched them go at it, just to kind of witness the argument. And finally I turned to him and I said, "I have a question. What do you think happens when you call a dentist office to cancel an appointment?" And he says, he looks down, he grumbles a little, he says, "They get pissed." Now, anyone who has ever called a dentist office, they are the most canceled healthcare providers. If you call them to reschedule, they want to send you roses. They are so delighted. So I said to the mom, "Would you be willing to call on speaker phone and cancel the appointment for him and reschedule?" She said, "Sure." And of course, you know what happened. "Oh, Mrs. Jones, thank you so much. Oh, no problem. We'll see him a week from Thursday." And I turned to the kid, and he looked down, first of all, which is what you do when you're a little embarrassed. And he goes, "Oh, just that. Oh!" That's a little microscopic bit of the psychology of the transitioner. There's this adult world. I sense that it has protocols, rules, structures, dos and don'ts, but it's like ... You may appreciate this. One of you said you're Jewish. Personally I call it my synagogue effect. When I go into a synagogue, I have this, and my background is Roman Catholic, where there are all kinds of rules. Susan Stone:                    We have rules. Dr. Mark McConville:     Okay. So I have this thing of like, I'm sure there are things I'm supposed to do and supposed not to do, but I don't know what they are. And so I get this strange, sort of youthful, portent of shame, like I'm going to do something stupid. Everybody's going to turn ... And I know, it's like, oh, there's my old neurosis. I guess I could have used another year of therapy. But that's where they live all the time. Like the kid who comes in and says, "My mom wants me to fill out this check for you. We owe you some money." And he takes out the checkbook and he stares at it. And after a minute I say, "Have you ever filled out a check before?" "No." And of course he so embarrassed. He's so embarrassed, as if we didn't all go through that exact same kind of experience. Kids don't often enough come and say, "All right, mom, I'll call, but what do I say?" They don't come for that. Like tell me the piece I don't know. Kristina Supler:               So let me ask you then, how do we instill in these transitioners like the idea of what you're getting at. Like, it's okay, just ask for help. Don't feel shame. Don't feel embarrassment. Just ask for help. Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. If they would listen to that kind of straightforward advice, I wouldn't have a job. Kristina Supler:               We probably wouldn't have jobs either. Susan Stone:                    You're right. We'd be out of business. Dr. Mark McConville:     Right. There are a couple of things you can do. I think for no rational reason, parents are often the least ... If I'm your kid and I take your advice, somehow the very active doing so makes me feel more childlike. And keep in mind, I'm only 20 years old, where childhood is nipping at my heels. I mean, I'm a kind of fraudulent adult at that stage. And so I am loathed to do anything that makes me feel like a kid. So you might find an individual that doesn't exert the same response for me. Like it might be the other parent. It might be an older sibling. It might be Uncle Joe, cool Uncle Joe. The Uncle Joe that everybody thinks is funny. And he flunked out of college before he went back, so he may be more approachable. It may be a therapist. It may be attorneys like you who are not mom and dad. So that's one approach. If you have a hit, if you find someone you do, if you don't, you don't. But the other thing is to be a sort of a buddy. Like the mom in my office who essentially showed him how to make that phone call. It would've not been good if she had just made the call without him around. But she did it in a framework that was kind of tutorial. Susan Stone:                    Well, within a therapeutic environment. Because I don't know that the student or child would've stayed, had she said house. Dr. Mark McConville:     You're right. Might not have. Might not have. Susan Stone:                    I mean, you were a great facilitator for that process. One of the questions that I had on your chapter about becoming relational. If you see that your student is hanging out with a group you don't like, or maybe dating someone that you don't want the student to date. I know that the kiss of death is to say, don't hang out with that crowd. That's like a invitation. In terms of you want students to become relational, and I love those chapters, how do you handle it when you know the peer group isn't the right peer group? Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. Well there's no single fail-safe argument. You're so right. If you say I don't like that group, even if the kid were to obey you and to distance from them, that just means he's being childlike. Like mommy doesn't approve. It's kind of a no-win approach. But you can do, there's a kind of questioning that therapists learn. I recently heard it referred to as motivational interviewing, but it's almost entirely made up of questions. So what do you like about this group? Tell me how do they compare to other friends you've had? How do they make you feel about yourself? What do they do that's interesting or funny? Where do you think they'll all be in five years? What do you get from them that you don't get from other people? That's the kind of questioning I do with pot smokers. Because if I tell them to stop smoking pot, I'm just fired. But I will say something like, "I don't know, like in health class, have they said anything about what they think pot does to your brain? I'm just curious." So I'm not asking a question about pot, I'm asking a question about health class. The kid will engage in that conversation because it's a little more oblique. So that's one thing a parent can try. It'll work with some kids, not with others. Another thing you can sometimes do, is you invite them over. You try to pull them into your circle, where you can assess them a little better. It's also very diagnostic. Like if he brings the girlfriend over, and she won't talk in your presence, and is nudging him to get down in the basement where the two of them can be alone. I mean, again, it just tells you like, yep, I trust my antenna. Again, there's no guarantee you're going to exert some positive influence. At least you'll have more of an idea. And often if they are, if I could use the word generously, bad kids, they're into bad stuff. They're not growing up. They're doing a fair amount of drugs. They're lost in their video game universe. They won't want to come over because you represent a frightening part of the adult world that they need to insulate themselves from in order to feel okay about themselves. Kristina Supler:               That's really interesting. I like what you refer to as the motivational questioning, because Susan and I, in a different way, we have to sort of implement the same strategy a lot when we're talking to our students. Because if we just come right out and dive into the big stuff, they feel judged or they shut down and are just afraid to be open. I think that's a great technique that you've provided for parents to try to use as well. Susan Stone:                    And for us. Sometimes we need to spend a little bit more time with each student to tease it out. Kristina and I often do intakes together. And a lot of people in our own professional development have suggested that, why don't you guys split up more? You could cover more clients, make more money. In fact, all throughout our career, people have tried to separate us. And we say, there's an advantage to both of us being with a young adult, because maybe they'll connect to one of us and not the other, or we can tag team and play good cop, bad cop. And sometimes I wonder if there's that psychological transition because there's two of us. We think it's a better model and we're not abandoning it. Dr. Mark McConville:     No, I could not agree more. We used to do that. When I started my career, we did a lot of family therapy, and we always used two therapists whenever the institution would allow us to. And for exact that, it gives you so much more latitude of role, how you play. You see somebody really needs an ally, so one of you can do that without compromising the larger agenda. Kristina Supler:               Yes, Susan, our decision is intentional and rooted again in psychological theory. Dr. Mark McConville:     Well, you are two smart cookies, I got to say that. Susan Stone:                    Oh, geez. Dr. Mark McConville:     I have three brothers. Two of them are attorneys. One has his own law firm up in Rochester, and he just by virtue of his personality, because he's actually an estate lawyer, but every one of his high school friends, and I have to say me and my three brothers, when our kids were in college and got in trouble, we called Uncle Mike. And Uncle Mike was just a genius at sussing these things out. Now, back in the day, it was not sexually related. It was open carry on a campus, or getting in a fist fight in a bar. He was just elegant of the way he would help people and connect with them. But I think what you guys are dealing with is much more complicated. Susan Stone:                    And scary. Really scary. Dr. Mark McConville:     I had a kid, he was actually a high school kid at a little sibs weekend, and he was urinating against the side of a building out of the way. Susan Stone:                    Got to go. Dr. Mark McConville:     Campus security guy saw him, and they had to lawyer up so that he didn't get charged with sexual, whatever, he had sex crime. It was just ridiculous. Susan Stone:                    Well, let's talk about lawyer ring up. Kristina, we have a good question about that. Kristina Supler:               Yeah. I mean, we sort of were often asked like, did hiring a lawyer for my child make my kid look guilty? Or am I enabling my child by spending my hard earned dollars to hire these brilliant women to defend my child? What Susan and I know is that in this day and age, it truly can be life altering to not have your child ever experience a disciplinary proceeding or some sort of criminal investigation without having a lawyer there to protect the student. And so what would you suggest or how could parents approach this idea of, okay, this is serious. You need a lawyer. I'm going to pay for the lawyer because you make minimum wage. But also not sending the message to your child like, well, if you just screw up, we have the resources. We'll hire a lawyer, and lawyers can make this go away. Dr. Mark McConville:     It's a great question. It's kind of like riddle of the stinks. The hypothetical or theoretical question is, is this scenario likely to prove in retrospect to be a learning experience? Or will it prove in retrospect to be traumatizing? Now, that's a theoretical question. And as you know, sometimes it's fuzzy and gray and you can't quite tell. In which case I personally would err on the side of intervening and supporting the kids. But I do occasionally see parents who lawyer up when really the kid needs to have his hand slapped, and it's not going to be a felony and he's going to have to do service or something. And he would get the idea that there are consequences. That choices have consequences. It's like a differential diagnosis where you kind of ... I often think of things like that. Like if I'm going to make a mistake, what's the one I want to make? And I would rather make the mistake that said, I maybe didn't need to intervene as much as I did. Okay. Chalk it up, learn from it. The kid I mentioned to you earlier, the 21 year old who went through this legal nightmare when he was 18, he's been traumatized by it. He's only now stepped back into the educational world. This is a very bright young guy. That's the mistake I don't want to make. Kristina Supler:               Yeah. Susan, when we were talking about the book, you were sharing with me how much the ATM model just really resonated with you. Susan Stone:                    Oh my gosh, you read my mind. We're mind-molding through computer screen, Kristina. So I got to tell you, that chapter struck such an internal chord, because I have actually had teenagers, my own say, "You're like a bank. Just stop being a bank." And how do you communicate, yes, I work for my money. I'm paying for this. I get a say without being a bully, because that's the reality. You take someone's money, my way or the highway, baby. Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. It's a really great question because there's two things involved. One is how do you as a parent change your thinking about money? And the other is how do you then get your kid to begin to think of you ... My kids are grown. They're closer to your age. If I pay for- Susan Stone:                    Well, Kristina's age. Kristina Supler:               My daughter's 10, so we're just starting to get into that period now where like fashion and other things and being cool and all of that. So like I see what lies ahead. Dr. Mark McConville:     Yeah. Right. If I pay for the girls summer camp, my daughter could not be more appreciative. She falls all over stuff. "Dad, you don't have to do this. Are you sure? Are you sure?" Yeah, I joke around with her. I say, "No, really, this is the way that I would love to be helpful." Now my daughter makes more money than I do. So it's not like she needs, it's more like I have a need to participate. I have no worries about it. But if she took it for granted, "Aren't you going to pay for camp this year?" I would have a whole different ... Like, whoa, I don't want that relationship. She's over that hump. But you guys are dealing with kids who are not, they're in the middle of it. And so as parents, first, you've got to undergo the change yourself. I remember when my daughter was a junior in high school, and her French class or something is going to Paris. And I am a fledgling psychologist building a practice, and I can't afford to send her to Paris, but I could not live with myself not sending her. It was the old, I'm working my own guilt agenda, my own self-esteem agenda. Am I a good enough father? That's all my stuff. I should have gone and talked to somebody about it. Until I got over that, which I did more when she was in college, until I worked that out, I wasn't able to have the conversation with her that said, so tell me why this expense is necessary? Tell me why it's important? I want to know what I'm investing in. Now that you're in college or grad school, I don't throw my money away. I don't help you out, out of obligation, but let me know what I'm getting into? Where is this going to lead? Tell me why this is a good idea? So I really am being this small business banker saying, you need to make a case for this. And you need to know that if I write this check or help you get this apartment or pay this tuition bill, that I am expecting a commitment from you to hold up your end of the bargain. So you're trying to get the kid to see it more as a transaction. You know that word's gotten a lot of bad press in the last four or five years, everything being transactional. What I'm concerned about is the relationship that the kid begins to see the parents as people. You're no longer to be taken for granted, but you are people who have stories and worries. And that kind of maturation, what the psychologist, Robert Kagan, calls it mutuality. Like I see you as a person just like me. And so your needs, your financial concerns are just as real. It's actually easier in families that have more limited means where the parents say, "Well, we just can't." In families where the parents are really people of means, and the kid will say, "Well, I know you could afford it," it's a little tricky argument, but I still vote for the argument, which is, "That's not the issue. The issue here isn't whether I can afford to put you up in an apartment in San Francisco. The issue is, I'm a grownup, and I like to know what I'm investing in. I don't throw my money around. So if you're going to be a full-time student, and you have some aspirations, if not goals, then sign me on. I want to help. This is a 50/50 arrangement." So it takes a lot of- Susan Stone:                    I'm sorry to interrupt, but isn't that how people horizontalize the relationship and make it more even? Dr. Mark McConville:     Exactly. Easier said than done. But if the parent doesn't get into that frame of mind, the kid most certainly will not get into that frame of mind. The record, I know I shouldn't keep records like this, but I have one parent I've talked to whose daughter who's very bright, well educated, and is 49 years old, and lives entirely on the family dole. And it's because, how do we change it after all this time? Which we agree to disagree, but I'm just saying it will perpetuate itself if the parent ... And you're lucky if you've got a kid who is a step ahead of you. "Mom, I want to earn that on my own." That kind of thing. God bless them. Your mother parenting you. Kristina Supler:               So I guess one final question that Susan and I both, we felt there was so much practical advice in your book, but also a lot of nuance that really invites parents to be thoughtful and find the right messaging. I guess my final question to you is the message of parents telling your children, you don't give up, and parents communicating that. Susan Stone:                    Never give up. Kristina Supler:               How do you message this idea of, okay, I'm scaling back financial support, but I'm not throwing you out, picking up on you. We have confidence that you are going to gain responsibility and succeed and all of that. Dr. Mark McConville:     If I could push a little further, you may have a child that you don't have that confidence. Susan Stone:                    Sure. So true. Dr. Mark McConville:     It's like finding the love language for any given kid. I'll answer it with a vignette. I had a dad, a guy I just love, whose son was in his early 30s, and was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, barely functional. Often in and out of small town jail cells, being held for a night or two. Sometimes staying in places where you can stay for the homeless downtown, sometimes under a bridge. And the dad had done, he'd done lawyers, he'd done psychiatric treatment, like a lot of paranoid schizophrenics. He would sometimes be cooperative, sometimes not. But his bottom line was, this is my son. And so what he would do every other week or so is he would buy a carton of cigarettes, and he would make some calls to see where he was. And he would go seek him out and sit down and give him a carton of cigarettes and just chat on a bench for an hour. And that was what he did, because that was something the kid could take in, that said to him, I still have a dad. Now, will that help or not help? I don't know, but it's the right thing to do. And it leaves open the possibility that I think any of us, if we feel connected to our parents, we feel loved by them. Even my parents have been gone 40 and 50 years, respectively, but I still feel loved by them. And it still matters. However you can for an individual child to get that message, and it'll be very straightforward with one kid, and it might be a carton of cigarettes with another. Susan Stone:                    There you go, making me cry again. Kristina Supler:               I think that's a beautiful message to end on. Dr. McConnell, thank you so much for joining us. This was really a pleasure, this conversation. Susan and I were so looking forward to reading your book, and this conversation has just been wonderful, and hopefully really beneficial to our listeners as well. Dr. Mark McConville:     Well, thank you so much. It's really been a joy to meet the two of you. I can't wait for my next college student in trouble to come into my office. I got just the answer for you. Kristina Supler:               Thanks to our listeners. We're so glad you're able to join us today for Real Talk with Susan and Kristina. And if you did enjoy this episode, please do subscribe to our show, so that you don't miss any episodes, where you'll find more content on a regular basis. You can also follow us on Instagram. Just search for the handle @stonesupler. And there's resources available online, studentdefense.kjk.com. Thank you so much for being a part of our Real Talk community, and we'll see you next time.

Comedian Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) joins 16-yr-old host Alyssa Sabo (@alyssa_sabo), 37-yr-old sidekick Ben Cassil (@bencassil), bandleader Janine Hogan (@j9_hogan), and professional audience member July Diaz (@julydiaz) in 1996 to talk about kissing, Hats in the Belfry, Summer Loving, favorite hymns, and play a game called "Make Alyssa's Life Funny!"Follow Paul on Twitter @PFTompkins, and check out his hilarious podcasts: Stay F. Homekins with his wife Janie, Threedom with Scott Aukerman and Lauren Lapkus, Superego with Jeremy Carter, Matt Gourley, and Mark McConville, and The Neighborhood Listen with Nicole Parker! Follow bandleader Janine Hogan on Twitter and Instagram @j9_hogan, and check out her podcast "Jammed Space Pod!"Follow July Diaz on Twitter @julydiaz and check out his podcast "Inside Video Games!"Theme song by Ben Cassil. Email us for advice TotallyRad1996@gmail.com, rate and review on Apple Podcasts. Follow @totallyrad1996 for video content!

This week Ron Lynch enters the Green Zoom ... In The Green Zoom is the backstage hang behind the show, except there is no show - it's the main event. Comedians talk about: stand up, sex, movies, politics—nothing is off limits, no one is wearing real pants. Comprised of Stand Up Comedians: Chris Fairbanks, Gareth Reynolds, Greg Barris, James Fritz, Maggie Maye, Matt McCarthy, Nick Flanagan, Paul Danke, Phoebe Bottoms, Ryan Singer + Sara June - depending on quarantined availability Join us LIVE every Tuesday at 7 PT youtube.com/AVAILCOMEDY and jump in the live chat! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us here! IG: @inthegreenzoom Twitter: @inthegreenzoom Facebook: www.facebook.com/inthegreenzoom Patreon: www.patreon.com/inthegreenzoom Merch: www.belowthecollar.com/inthegreenstore An Avail Comedy Production Artwork: Luke McGarry Livestream Produced by: Night Light Podcast Produced by: Brian Granillo Music: Written/Produced by: Jordan Katz & Kenny Segal. Pedal Steel played by Mark McConville

This week, Mark Mcconville delivers a surprise zinger that will have Steve Carell fans laughing out loud, and Jenny Flack delivers a well timed joke in a game of "What are they Famous For?" Plus, the audience has some of the best jokes in Ujokes history about a supervillian with a dog for a head, and a guy with a plant! More details to come on today's Ujokes podcast!Listen to episode 0 now if you need a reminder on what Ujokes is all about: https://www.spreaker.com/user/10204202/episode-0-getting-to-know-ujokes-how-thePlay along live on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAm98RWDq5EFBYyCbeIPd2ADownload episodes of Ujokes Weekly on Spreaker: https://www.spreaker.com/show/ujokes-weeklySpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2EmzI2lahWs0EDTxvZKsNiAnd remember to follow me onTwitter: https://twitter.com/PostmasterRadioInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/postmaster_radio/

Mark McConville (SuperEgo, Talking Tom & Friends) went to college to study music and was denied after his audition freshmen year. We talk about the formation of SuperEgo, the value of intention, landing a job at Disney after working 16 hour days at Starbucks and a retail store, and the importance of creating your own work. FOLLOW THE NEED TO FAIL & DON FANELLI: https://twitter.com/theneedtofail https://twitter.com/donfanelli THE NEED TO FAIL IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-need-to-fail Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matt Gourley, Mark McConville, and Paul F. Tompkins of Superego join Matt Besser for scenes about the origin of Jingle Bells, the phantom of a high school theater, and manipulating the YouTube algorithms.  Plus, they'll get turned on by hydration, a man steals everything from himself, and a reverend performs a wedding song. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace ( www.squarespace.com/IMPROV code: IMPROV).

Matt Gourley, Mark McConville, and Paul F. Tompkins of Superego join Matt Besser for scenes about the origin of Jingle Bells, the phantom of a high school theater, and manipulating the YouTube algorithms. Plus, they'll get turned on by hydration, a man steals everything from himself, and a reverend performs a wedding song. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/IMPROV code: IMPROV).

Mark McConville of Superego and Pistol Shrimps fame joins Zach and Jess for the first in-studio episode of 2019 and an all new Portuguese vacation musical packed with Candy Crush, pickpockets, cops and more! With songs like “A Little Less Screen Time”, "It's A Famous Place That We Have", and "It's Hard To Pick A Pocket", you'll be drinking coke, grenadine, lime, orange and vodka to celebrate after listening to this ep! This episode is brought to you by Leesa (www.leesa.com/offbook), The Real Real (www.therealreal.com code: REAL), and Care/Of (www.takecareof.com code: OFFBOOK50).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Live from the Now Hear This Fest in Anaheim, Doug welcomes Paul F. Tompkins, Matt Gourley and Mark McConville to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.