Podcasts about mormon marriages

This week we invite guests Angilyn and Nate Bagley from the Mormon Marriages podcast. We talk about some of the struggles we fall into in marriage and why it's important to face those challenges and be proactive in creating relationships that are awesome. The Bagleys share personal experiences from their own marriage as well as examples from the many people they've helped over the years. One item in particular we discuss is what the Bagleys term 'Roommate Syndrome', where you fall too much into a comfortable routine and forget what really being in love feels like. This is a natural part of being in a relationship, but it's important to get out of our comfort zone and find lasting ways to make your relationship new and exciting. Enjoy the show!

"Good is the enemy of great."-Jim CollinsOne of the biggest barriers to having a great marriage is being content by simply having a good or mediocre marriage. Nate and Angilyn Bagley have dedicated their lives to helping couples escape  mediocre marriage and understand what an extraordinary marriage can mean for your life!In this interview with Nate and Angilyn Bagley, the hosts of the popular podcasts Growth Marriage and Mormon Marriages, they expound on everything from how to know if who you're dating is right for you, lessons they learned from breaking off engagements, the 3 essential pillars to a strong relationship, and the formula for how to have a difficult conversation. This isn't an episode that you will want to miss if you want to have an extraordinary marriage!Learn more about Nate and Angilyn BagleyEscape "Roommate syndrome" and mediocre marriages by Nate's FREE resource AreWeRoommates.comLearn more and listen to their podcasts Growth Marriage and Mormon MarriagesCheck out Nate's TEDx Talk on Youtube - (4) Fight naked! And other epic love strategies | Nate Bagley | TEDxSaltLakeCity 

In this podcast episode Don Wotherspoon facilitates a discussion with Dr. Finlayson-Fife, Carol Lynn Pearson and Stephen Carter for the Mormon Matters podcast. They cover multiple topics including beliefs that interfere with intimacy in mormon marriages, the effects of the history of polygamy on modern mormon marriages and how marriage can be an incredible opportunity for development and joy!

In this podcast episode Don Wotherspoon facilitates a discussion with Dr. Finlayson-Fife, Carol Lynn Pearson and Stephen Carter for the Mormon Matters podcast. They cover multiple topics including beliefs that interfere with intimacy in mormon marriages, the effects of the history of polygamy on modern mormon marriages and how marriage can be an incredible opportunity for development and joy!

2:29- About Angilyn Bagley 17:38- Forgiveness and how to heal suffering 32:01- How to create of culture of healing in your relationship; companionship inventory 35:46- Conflict as a means to mutual understanding; unsolvable problems 46:07- When to seek the guidance... The post Mormon Marriages Podcast Ep. 455 The Cultural Hall appeared first on The Cultural Hall Podcast.

In a conversation with Nate and Angilyn Bagley of the Mormon Marriages Podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers several questions sent in by listeners.QUESTION #1My wife had a baby 6 months ago, and is afraid to have sex with me again. I've tried to get her to open up to me about what is going on, and why she is so anxious. I've let her dictate the pace of things so far, but if it were up to her, I'm not sure we'd ever have sex again.Before the baby, sex was a struggle for her. She was unsure of what she liked and what felt good. If I accidentally stumbled on something that felt good, and she had an orgasm, I would try to repeat whatever I was doing during the next session, but that was rarely successful. I'm beside myself trying to figure out what can be done to help her learn to enjoy being intimate with me. What can I do? Or, what can I encourage her to do? Help!QUESTION #2I think I had an emotional affair. I’ve been married to my wife for almost a decade, and she’s the absolute best. She truly is my best friend and a wonderful mother to our three kids. After almost 10 years of marriage things have gotten pretty routine, but not necessarily complacent. We still laugh and talk and enjoy each other, but sometimes the routine gets a little stale.A couple of years ago, I texted a female friend. We were friends in high school but hadn’t kept in touch until I reached out about a business proposition. It was pretty innocent, but over time became pretty flirty until she eventually proposed the idea of an affair. I immediately severed ties with her and told my wife what she had said. This happened more 7 months ago. We haven’t spoken since, but I honestly miss her. I think about her all the time, almost daily. I miss how we would make each other laugh and our deep conversations through texts. I miss being desired by someone new... or at all. It has gotten easier over time, but I could use some direction.Was this an emotional affair? Should I tell my wife about it? How can I phrase it sensitively, if so? And how can I deal with this feeling of wanting to reach out to my former friend all the time? How do I replace the feelings of excitement that I was getting from her? Or do I have to learn deal without that excitement all together? I know... I’ve got issues.QUESTION #3My question is about sexuality and chronic illness. How do you navigate sexuality and desire when one partner has a normal high sex drive and the other is sick and has barely any energy for anything. Even washing my hair is difficult most days.Before we were married I had a great drive, but very soon after I became very very sick. I try to be sexual as much as possible, but I feel guilty about not being able to meet his needs. Most of the time I would rather die than put the necessary energy into sex. Do you have any ideas for strategies to employ when his desire is high but my energy is low?To learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s work, visit our Website, check out our Online Course Page, and take a look at our upcoming Events. You can also follow Dr. Finlayson-Fife on Instagram, YouTube, or join her FREE Facebook Group for greater access to her insights.www.Finlayson-Fife.comListen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and Stitcher.To learn more about Mormon Marriages click Here.The advice offered through Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s Podcast Archive is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. Although Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a trained psychotherapist, she is not functioning in the role of a licensed therapist during these sessions, but rather using her training to inform these sessions. Thus, the content is not intended to replace independent professional judgment. The content is not intended to solicit clients or patients; and should not be relied upon as medical or psychological advice of any kind or nature whatsoever. The information provided through the Content should not be used for diagnosing or treating a mental health problem or disease. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.

Marriage! We talk about it all. the. time... but do we really talk about it? Do we really talk about what it means when we say, "Marriage is hard work," or "We have our ups and downs, but we get through them?" What about the cliché advice, like, "Marriage isn't 50-50% - it's 100% and 100%" or "You just put your spouse's needs before your own, and you'll be happy!" or "The closer you get to God, the closer you'll be to your spouse?"Sound familiar?Nate and Angilyn Bagley host an entire podcast - Mormon Marriages - on helping members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints "have a marriage that will make you look forward to eternity" (Mormon Marriages intro). In this episode, we take an hour to just skim the surface of some common marriage myths, as well some actual, sound advice from marriage experts in our very own faith community. Give it a listen, and check out the Bagleys' other resources (listed below).Enjoy!RESOURCES:Mormon Marriages podcast: https://www.mormonmarriages.com/blogGrowth Marriage resources & podcast: https://growthmarriage.com/Epic Wives Experiment: https://epicwivesexperiment.com/go33742143Angilyn & Nate's FREE marriage prep videos: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxiUXYrEgd8DC-71lwsWC6w

In a conversation with Nate and Angilyn Bagley of the Mormon Marriages Podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers several questions sent in by listeners.Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers questions relating to…-Depression and sexual arousal.-Loss of attraction for a spouse.-Sexuality and desire during pregnancy.-Fantasy as a form of intimate connection.-Making sense of the practice of polygamy and how the theology can impact intimacy in modern marriages.To learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s work, visit our Website, check out our Online Course Page, and take a look at our upcoming Events. You can also follow Dr. Finlayson-Fife on Instagram, YouTube, or join her FREE Facebook Group for greater access to her insights.www.Finlayson-Fife.comListen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and Stitcher.To learn more about Mormon Marriages click here.

In this episode of the podcast, Nate and Ang give an update on all things baby!They talk about the ups and the downs of first trimester, what they've learned individually and as a couple, and what they wish they would have known beforehand.Enjoy!

Kattie & Allan Mount are the co‑hosts of Marriage on a Tightrope, a podcast dedicated to navigating a mixed‑faith marriage. Kattie and Allan met in the MTC and both served missions in Barcelona Spain. They were married shortly after Allan returned. In 2017, Kattie and Allan suddenly found themselves dealing with Allan’s decision to distance himself from the church. Frustrated with the lack of support, Kattie suggested they go public about their situation by starting a podcast. Kattie loves all things Disney, and is PTA president of the local elementary school. Allan is a sales director for a South Jordan technology company, is an avid Dodgers fan, and performs improvisational comedy at Comedy Sportz in Provo. The couple has four children, ages 5 through 13.

Today David and Mimi bring their spouses on the show to compete in... *drum roll*... the NEWLYWED GAME! In this game, the girls are asked a series of questions and their husbands guess the answers. Both couples have been married for less than a year but their responses to the questions may surprise you... :) How well do you know your spouse? Would you have done well at this game? Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel: http://saintsunscripted/subscribe :)

As members of the church, one of our ultimate goals is getting married in the temple one day and promising to our future spouse for time and all eternity.So, what happens when eternity doesn't last as long as you thought it would?No one gets married with the anticipation that they will get divorced later. Unfortunately, it happens!Divorce can be a taboo topic in the church. It's not a topic frequently discussed in Sunday School (other than how to avoid it). With so much emphasis on family and temple marriage, it can leave a divorced member feeling lost in limbo, unsure what their place is in the grand scheme of things. There aren't very many resources readily available to help navigate such a troubling time.Thankfully, people like Jenny Rollins Nelson are seeking to change that!Join us for this week's episode as we dive head first into Jenny's personal experience with divorce, re-entering the dating field, relying on the Savior, and learning to love herself again.In her own words, "Yes, there is life after divorce!"

In 2011, Nate quit his job and set out to find the answers to what makes a marriage truly extraordinary.After years of research, seminars, books and trainings, and from talking with top notch couples, therapists, and experts, he has finally been able to sum it up into one simple principle.A good seed, when placed in the right ecosystem - with adequate light, fertile soil, and an abundance of water - has no choice but to grow!Your marriage is no different.Check out this bonus episode to figure out why!

Latter-day Saints have been talking about what an ideal marriage would look like ever since they were a young child in primary."I love to see the temple," they sing, "I'll go inside someday."No one goes into a marriage thinking they are going to experience a betrayal.So, what happens when that story of the ideal marriage gets ripped out of your hands? When betrayal happens, what do you do next? How to you navigate all the emotions that come along with it without dooming the relationship to failure?In this week's episode of the podcast, we continue our conversation with Kristin Hodson, AASECT certified Sex Therapist and LCSW, about how to navigate an intimate betrayal in your relationship.

In this first ever LIVE recording of an Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist podcast episode Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins the Mormon Marriages team to address the following questions… Question # 1 - “My wife and I are trying to conceive. This is one of the most stressful times of my life, and stress is a major anti-aphrodisiac for me. How do I confront the pressure to perform?” Question # 2 - "My wife has a “fun” sexual past with her high school boyfriends. Before we dated she had shared too many of those experiences with me. I was fine with it, until I woke up to her crying on our wedding night. It triggered a jealousy and resentment where I feel she gave “them” her fun self. I got the Mormon prude and they got the fun girl. I love her, but I feel like she has never chosen me. I get that I’m at fault with the unforgiving heart and mad with jealousy that has built emotional walls. I feel like all our sex has been mercy sex. I don’t even want to have sex with her because that’s what it is. When we become intimate all I can see is her doing “this” with “them.” It makes me regret and feel bitterness that I strived to stay a virgin and be as "clean" as I could. I feel like I have lived life wrong. Since she is a terrific good person and she has the “dirty” past, she is the better more healthy person while I am the bitter/resentful seminary graduate boy. It makes me hate myself that I can’t get over that. I’m over 15 years into this and the cloud just gets darker and bigger. How can I start becoming more intimate with my wife while suffering with this intense jealousy? I just finished your course enhancing sexual intimacy and I am grateful for you and what you are doing. So, thank you and I would love to here your answer knowing it will be painful.” This episode is part two of the two part live podcast recording. To learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s work, visit our Website, check out our Course Page, and take a look at our upcoming Events. www.Finlayson-Fife.com This episode was originally aired on October 11th 2019.

In this first ever LIVE recording of an Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist podcast episode Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins the Mormon Marriages team to address the following questions…Question # 1 - “My wife and I are trying to conceive. This is one of the most stressful times of my life, and stress is a major anti-aphrodisiac for me. How do I confront the pressure to perform?”Question # 2 - "My wife has a “fun” sexual past with her high school boyfriends. Before we dated she had shared too many of those experiences with me. I was fine with it, until I woke up to her crying on our wedding night. It triggered a jealousy and resentment where I feel she gave “them” her fun self. I got the Mormon prude and they got the fun girl. I love her, but I feel like she has never chosen me. I get that I’m at fault with the unforgiving heart and mad with jealousy that has built emotional walls. I feel like all our sex has been mercy sex. I don’t even want to have sex with her because that’s what it is. When we become intimate all I can see is her doing “this” with “them.” It makes me regret and feel bitterness that I strived to stay a virgin and be as "clean" as I could. I feel like I have lived life wrong. Since she is a terrific good person and she has the “dirty” past, she is the better more healthy person while I am the bitter/resentful seminary graduate boy. It makes me hate myself that I can’t get over that. I’m over 15 years into this and the cloud just gets darker and bigger. How can I start becoming more intimate with my wife while suffering with this intense jealousy? I just finished your course enhancing sexual intimacy and I am grateful for you and what you are doing. So, thank you and I would love to here your answer knowing it will be painful.”This episode is part two of the two part live podcast recording.To learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s work, visit our Website, check out our Course Page, and take a look at our upcoming Events.www.Finlayson-Fife.comThis episode was originally aired on October 11th 2019.

 Amanda Louder is a Certified Life Coach who helps women from conservative Christian backgrounds love their sex life. She helps women embrace their sexuality to help them strengthen their relationship with themselves, their spouse, and their Heavenly Parents. As a first step to helping women embrace their sexuality, she has provided a FREE guide to help women understand how they personally experience pleasure. You can get this guide by going to www.amandalouder.com/improvingintimacyIn addition to being a coach, Amanda is also a wife, mom to 3 and step-mom to 2.  In her spare time, she enjoys reading, watching her kids play sports, fishing, and camping.To hear more from Amanda, you can find her on Instagram @AmandaLouderCoaching or her podcast "Live From Love" where she talks about all things sex and marriage.[music]00:02 Voice Over: Welcome to Improving Intimacy, a podcast to help single and married Latter Day Saints strengthen their family connections and marriages. Daniel A. Burgess is the host of Improving Intimacy. Daniel's a marriage and family therapist, father, husband, and author. Here's Daniel on this episode of Improving Intimacy.00:20 Daniel: Welcome to another episode of Improving Intimacy. Today, we have life coach Amanda Louder with us, and I'm excited to explore her journey. I've been through her podcast and her website, and she's a member of the Intimacy Group. And I really enjoy her comments a lot, so I'm excited, and hopefully you are excited, to explore her journey to healthy sexuality here. So, let's jump right into it. Welcome. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Amanda.00:47 Amanda: Thanks so much, Daniel, I'm excited to be here. My name is Amanda Louder. I am a certified life coach. I coach women, primarily from conservative Christian backgrounds, help them embrace their sexuality, learn to love their sex life. I'm married. I'm currently on my second marriage, don't plan to have any more. [chuckle]01:08 DANIEL: Oh, wow.01:09 AMANDA: And together we have five kids, ranging from 11 to almost 20.01:14 DANIEL: That's exciting. So, what took you on this journey? I'm assuming that you weren't always a life coach.01:18 AMANDA: No. [chuckle]01:20 DANIEL: So, what brought you here?01:22 AMANDA: So, when I went through my divorce about eight years ago, it was really a time of discovery for me and discovering myself. And I actually have a great relationship with my ex-husband now, and we co-parent really well. And I'm remarried. I actually got remarried fairly quickly. I met my husband just six weeks after my divorce was final, and we married about nine months later, and we've been very happily married for seven years now. And so, people started reaching out to me for divorce advice, because they could see that, I guess as far as divorce goes, it was pretty successful. [chuckle] And so, I was getting calls like three or four times a month from people either asking for themselves or for a close friend or family member. And I really started thinking about going back to school to become a therapist so that I could help more women who had been in my situation. And I looked into it, and it would have taken me a lot of years and a lot of time that I wasn't willing to sacrifice with my family. I had five children at that point, and I'm very busy with them. And so, it wasn't something that I was willing to pursue. But then I found coaching a few years ago, and immediately, it felt like the right choice. It felt like what I was meant to do.02:44 AMANDA: So, I started coaching, and then I went through a certification program. I started originally just coaching women who were struggling in their marriage and contemplating divorce, helping them come to that decision for themselves with confidence and peace. And as I coached more and more, I found more and more women were struggling with healthy sexuality within their marriage and within themselves. And I was actually just on a trip this summer with a bunch of other girlfriends who are also coaches, and we're sitting around our condo, as girls do, and sex comes up. And so, I started imparting of my knowledge of the subject. And by the end of our trip, all of my friends were like, "Amanda, you have to do this. You have to change your niche. This is what you were truly meant to do. We have learned more from you in a weekend than we have in 15 years of marriage." And I was very hesitant at first. Sex can be a very scary topic for some people. I come from a background... A very private background. My parents are very private people.03:48 DANIEL: Very.03:49 AMANDA: I've never been that way. I'm always been an open book. But respecting where I came from and stuff, I understand that it can be a very scary subject for a lot of people to talk about. But it is something that I am very comfortable talking about. I feel very comfortable in that space and really want to help women love their sex life and embrace that so that they can not only enjoy their marriage more, but truly embrace who they are as a person. And I think it helps them come closer to themselves, to their spouse, and to their heavenly parents.04:20 DANIEL: I think it's impressive as I listen to your podcast. It's one thing to be a coach or even a therapist and work with people with sexual health issues, another have this ability to talk about the very sensitive, private, taboo topics in a way that's very comfortable. And that's one thing I immediately appreciate listening to your podcast. You could say things like vagina, clitoris, masturbation. The one episode I was listening to, I think it was orgasms. And the way you presented the information, you even talked about how using masturbation is a healthy part of discovering yourself. The way you presented it was very impressive. It's very difficult within our culture to even use the word masturbation. You pointed out it's a dirty word, and it triggers a lot of people.05:04 AMANDA: Well, I have to attribute a lot of that to you, Daniel. I listened to a podcast you were on, I think it was maybe the Mormon Marriages podcast, and mainly...05:11 DANIEL: Oh, with Nate Bagley and his wife?05:13 AMANDA: Yes. And it really opened up my eyes to a different way of looking at things. And then, I really started doing a lot of my own research and thoughts and prayer about it to be a lot more open-minded about it.05:26 DANIEL: Thank you. It's been quite a journey, but today's podcast is not about me. I relate to you a lot, just I didn't realize you had this background with your divorce. It sounds almost parallel to my experience. I'm assuming you probably already know. But it sounds like we were even divorced at probably about the same time. And I met my wife shortly before my divorce, and we knew we were gonna get married within months after my divorce was finalized. And so, in my journey, I made the stupid decision of jumping back into school and getting into therapy, and that was... It's difficult. And I knew it was gonna be hard, but I value and appreciate the weight of that journey, and I've been very open and vocal about life coaching and the concerns I have around it. You have something that most coaches don't have, is an actual certificate. You're a certified professional life coach. And I think that's important because one of the things of working with people, especially with this type of subject, is you really gotta understand your boundaries, professionally, ethically, and what the client's responsibility is and your responsibility is. And I think that adds an additional level of safety in the relationship.06:37 DANIEL: And so, very good for you. I admire you for doing that, because you're right. I can't tell you how many people I've seen in our position, try to go back into, or at least pursue therapy as a career, and they have to stop after four or five years because it's gotten too expensive, and the barrier to entry is just ridiculous. And that's why I don't say life coaching is not an option. I think it is definitely an option. In fact, I hire life coaches, and I worked as a life coach for a while. But back to what you do, I love this. So, you're presenting a message of safety to these women and you're giving an example that they haven't seen before. When you say you did a divorce right, I totally understand what you mean by that. No divorce is easy, by any means. But they were pursuing you. What did you notice? What was maybe a common theme or pattern that you saw in the people who were seeking your advice? Kind of a big question there, but what would you sum it up, or did you see any patterns, or was it kind of all over the place?07:33 AMANDA: It's really all over the place. Everybody comes to the table with different issues. Their spouse comes to the table with different issues. And it's just really helping them see how they're interpreting the situation, the story that they're telling themselves, and how that's giving them the results that they're getting in their marriage. I worked with women who were really struggling with their sexuality, I worked with women whose husbands had issues with pornography, I was working with women who have had issues with infidelity in their marriage. And some, they were just unhappy because their husbands weren't living up to what they thought husbands should be, what they thought their spouse was supposed to be, the needs that their spouse was supposed to be meeting in them, and just teaching them how to meet those needs for themselves and just letting their partner be them and choosing to love them anyway.08:22 DANIEL: That's a big one, and one that I don't think even a lot of therapists embrace. Maybe that's not a fair statement. Maybe don't value or understand a lot. We get couples into the therapy room, and we focus on better communication. And those things are important. But I like what you're saying here. And I wanna inquire a little bit more about that, and focusing on the individual and their needs. And I've heard that in a few of your podcasts, the need to turn to yourself and understand what your needs are. Tell me a little bit more about your journey there and how you came to that conclusion.08:54 AMANDA: Well, we all have issues, we all come to the table with baggage. And really, being able to look at yourself and see what you're bringing to the table and how you're contributing to your relationship. Are you being needy? Are you being demanding? Are you being... And they stem from all sorts of issues from your background, but you're showing up in a way that's creating the relationship that you don't want. And so, really taking a look at how your thinking is creating that result for you, creating that relationship for you, and what you can do differently even if your spouse never changes. And sometimes that means making hard decisions. Sometimes, that means setting boundaries, walking away, whatever that is for you. But looking at yourself first, not, "How do I change him?" It's, "How do I change me? How do I get comfortable with myself in this situation, no matter how my partner shows up?"09:54 DANIEL: That's a huge concept. [chuckle]09:56 AMANDA: Yeah, it is.09:56 DANIEL: Big. And I'm curious if you get any push back on that?10:00 AMANDA: For sure.10:00 DANIEL: How do you deal with that? Let's get a little bit more specific here. I think there's this danger, and you pointed out in one of your podcasts is, "Are you blaming me for my spouse's behaviors then?" And that's usually how that phrase is taken. It's like, "Focus on yourself. See what you're doing to contribute to the problem or the issue." How do you navigate that?10:19 AMANDA: Well, it's individual. It really just depends on how they're thinking about it. What I say to all of my clients is, every problem is a thought problem. It's just how you're choosing to think about it. Or, you're believing what your brain is offering to you without questioning it. If you wanna believe something, believe it with intention, not just because that's what's offered to you. One I hear a lot is, like, "My spouse plays way too many video games. I'm sick and tired of him neglecting me, neglecting the house, neglecting the kids, because he's busy playing video games." And this could be a variety of things. It could be watching sports or looking at pornography, or whatever it is. It's his behavior. Well, how are you choosing to think about it? How are you contributing to that situation? One, you can choose to think that it's not a problem. That's totally up to you. But you can also choose to think it is a problem, and then what are the results of that? And are you okay with that? Is that serving you? If it's serving you, go ahead and keep thinking about it. But if it's not, then you can look at what you want to purposely think instead that might change that dynamic.11:25 AMANDA: Try to look at it from his point of view. Maybe he's had a long day at work, and this is how he knows how to unwind. Maybe he's doing that too much and you just need to have a conversation about it. But are you having that conversation in a blaming way, like, "You shouldn't do this," or you're saying, "This is what I see, and this is how it's affecting me. This is how I feel"? And be confident enough in yourself to be able to say those things.11:49 DANIEL: I really appreciate that. I use this example and I appreciate it as an example because we focus on the wrong problem a lot. And when I work with clients and they say, let's go with this example of, "He's gaming all the time. And he won't listen to me, he won't get off. He's absorbed with it." And what the discussion starts to evolve around is, how much he's gaming. But that's not really what we want. We want his attention. And so, I will often say, "Tell you what, let's try this experiment. Why don't you stop talking about the... Don't ever bring up the gaming anymore. And you walk into the house after getting the kids or coming home from work, and you see him gaming with his headphones on or whatever he's doing, and tell you what, why don't you do something a little bit different and go up to him, hug him in a way that's not distracting him but letting him know that you're there, and say, 'I would really love to spend a few minutes with you. I miss you'? And watch how that changes." Now, often, people will... They'll come back and they'll say, "He didn't listen to me."12:55 AMANDA: Keep doing it.12:56 DANIEL: No, keep doing it, day after day. Create a new sense of predictability. I think a lot of couples, depending... Especially if they've been in this rut for so long, it's like, "I'm not trusting that behavior. Where is that coming from?" It becomes a little bit suspicious. "You're actually focusing on me and not the games. Are you just trying to manipulate me?" But we give the gaming, or whatever that problem is or that distraction, all the attention. And it no longer becomes about each other. It's about ending this. As though taking that behavior away will then create a healthy behavior.13:28 AMANDA: Well, so I talk a lot about, like, "Who do you want to be in this situation? Do you wanna be the nagging, controlling wife? Or do you want to be the wife who's loving and compassionate and trying to create that connection with your spouse?" Because really, that's what's happening. You're not getting that connection that you want. He's getting the connection through gaming, or whatever. He's getting what he thinks he needs, but he probably rather get it from you, if you're offering it in the right way.13:55 DANIEL: It's interesting, as I listen to you speak, you're definitely using language, I think you have an advantage as a woman working with female clients. I don't know if I could ever get away with saying, "nagging." "Stop nagging your husband."14:05 AMANDA: [chuckle] Yeah. Women nag, I can say that. We nag. Yeah.14:09 DANIEL: [chuckle] Yeah, that's very good, that's very difficult to do, and be able to focus on the positive behavior. I always call it, "What's the desired outcome?" And they'll say, "Stop the game." No, that's not the desired outcome. The desired outcome is, "I wanna feel closer. I wanna feel connected." Then, let's make that...14:29 AMANDA: Let's make that the goal.14:30 DANIEL: Not the ending. 'Cause really, if your husband... And let's exaggerate a little here, for example's sake. If he's gaming 12 hours a day, but he's providing a living and you feel totally connected to him, is the gaming really a problem? "No, I feel totally connected to him." So, it's not really the gaming. I realize it's an exaggerated example, but usually, is the case. So, excellent, I love that approach. So, tell me a little bit more about how you work with the sexual topic. I know when I first did this, it was... And I appreciate the compliment that you got it from me, but when I first did this, and I've shared this story before. My first blog post was a couple, maybe three years ago, about masturbation, my infamous, seven series blog posts. I remember when I clicked post, I was shaking. I was afraid of how people would perceive me and just the whole cultural phenomenon around that. And so, it took me quite a few years to get to that point where it was even comfortable to say out loud, even with clients. Masturbation. I'm constantly managing that sensitivity around that issue. How do you feel like you've taken that journey and getting comfortable with engaging in those topics with people?15:48 AMANDA: It's just kind of who I am. I'm...15:51 DANIEL: Oh, really?15:51 AMANDA: I think it's become more and more comfortable, but it's never been something that I've really had a problem talking about, body parts and saying vulva and vagina and clitoris and penis. That's never been an issue for me. But that's not how I was raised, so...16:10 DANIEL: Yeah, you were saying you were raised in a very private home.16:13 AMANDA: Yes, very. Very private. So, it's just something that I feel like... I almost feel like it's a gift that I've been given. And that's part of the reason... When I started coaching a year-and-a-half ago, I don't know that I would have been ready at that point to discuss these sexual topics in the nature that I do now and become a sex coach. [chuckle] But now, I'm stepping into my own, that is who I am, and I can see that very, very clearly. And I feel very prompted. I bring prayer and the Spirit very much into every podcast that I do and all of my coaching sessions. I pray about what I'm supposed to be podcasting about that week, and I feel very prompted onto what those topics are supposed to be. And so many times, when I listen to those promptings, the words just flow. And so, I just learned to recognize that this is who I am, this is who I was made to be, and I'm just really stepping into that, and as I do so, my Heavenly Father is blessing me more and more.17:26 DANIEL: I appreciate hearing that. I think one of the collateral damage of work in my type of profession is being hyper-sensitive to people's concerns and not wanting to offend or come across as unempathetic. And I think sometimes that's a detrimental in the sense that I forget my personality in that because I'm so focused. And it's interesting because it's almost like a marriage in a sense, because if I lose myself in that work and that other person, I forget the gifts that I bring. So, that's a really good reminder to me, I appreciate hearing that. And being myself, I think, I've talked about this, written about this, is, I'm gonna say dumb things and I'm gonna say things that are incorrect.18:12 AMANDA: Totally.18:13 DANIEL: I'm dyslexic in my communication, as you probably already can tell, but if I focus more on a fear on not being truthful to myself and offending somebody else, I lose that power in that message. And so, that's a great reminder.18:28 AMANDA: We can't control what other people are thinking, so no matter what we say, people could be offended. [chuckle] So, I would rather just be true to myself and true to who I know I'm supposed to be, and let them worry about them.18:40 DANIEL: We call that differentiation in therapy, and that's a powerful concept and very difficult for a lot of people to embrace. I've discovered, as I've tried to bring that to the table, and I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this is, as you teach clients how to differentiate and to be an individual, is that scary for them? What's their experience like?19:01 AMANDA: Yeah, I always tell clients it's gonna get worse before it gets better.19:05 DANIEL: What do you mean by that? I think I know what you mean.19:07 AMANDA: Yeah, so when we start showing up differently, the dance changes. We've been doing this dance with our partner, with ourselves, even, for a very long time, and when we start showing up differently, the people around us, and not just our spouse, but our parents, our children, our friends, are like, "Woah, what's happening here? This is not normal." And they're like, "I don't know how to do this dance, I don't know how to respond." But eventually, most the time, they get the hang of it. If we just...19:35 AMANDA: You create a new normal...19:36 AMANDA: You create a new normal. So, I have a client who... She was definitely... Well, she says, "Being controlled," by her spouse. Really, she was letting herself be controlled. We know that it's not... They're not controlling, you're letting yourself be controlled. So, once she learned to step into her own, her spouse was like, "No, this is not happening. I run... This is what I do." And she was like, "Sorry, this isn't the way it's happening." And now, they've figured out this new dance and things are so good, so good. They've learned to give and take more, and she's willing to really say what she's thinking and not be afraid of his response. And he wasn't abusive or mean, or anything, it was just like, "I'm the man. This is the way it's gonna be". And she...20:26 DANIEL: It was his role.20:28 AMANDA: It was his role. And she's like, "Sorry, that's just not gonna work anymore". And it was really rough for a long time, but then he's like, "Okay, this is the new normal. Okay, I can see how this is actually beneficial for both of us. Okay, this is working. Yeah, okay, let's keep doing this, let's do it, let's do this dance now." And it's so much better.20:48 DANIEL: That is so wonderful to hear from you because I think there's a concern when we... When we look at these relationships, we have a difficult time in general. I'm not just talking about life coaches or therapists, is someone has to be bad and somebody has to be good. And so, when we look at these situations I think we have to be very, very careful. And you demonstrated that right now, is where we have... Let's go with this example of the wife coming in, saying, "I'm being controlled." And then, you reframe it to, "You're allowing yourself to be controlled," which is a big concept and a little scary, as you see. But then, the husband's response in this is, "No, this isn't gonna happen." We tend to stereotypically identify that as a manipulative person. But you had this insight is, "Well maybe this is just his training." He's not trying to be a bad person, as you clarify. He wasn't abusive, but his behavior, the way he was raised as an individual, this is his communication style and he doesn't know how to get out of it, so we need to help him out of it. It's not because he's a bad person. But he just doesn't know how to do it.22:00 AMANDA: But he didn't come to coaching, he didn't go to therapy. It was only her. But by her changing the dynamic and changing the way that she was showing up in the relationship, changed the relationship.22:12 DANIEL: Yes, and that's huge. Good clarification there. And you were able to create that change through her.22:18 AMANDA: And it wasn't me creating the change through her, it was her creating the change through her.22:22 DANIEL: But even in that situation... In fact, it could be even more risky, because we could look at this, we don't know the husband, we don't know his behavior, it could become an easy out and say, "He is abusive. You need to get away from him."22:33 AMANDA: Well, you can, but we talk about that and we talk about healthy boundaries, what those look like. When he starts exhibiting more control, maybe using some language that violates one of those boundaries, then you say, "Hey, that's not okay with me. If you wanna keep using that language, that's totally fine, but I'm gonna go, I'm gonna leave the room. I'm gonna leave the house for a couple of hours. I'll come back when you're ready to talk about it again in a better manner," I guess.23:00 DANIEL: I notice on your website, and it sounds like you work exclusively with women, but do you ever work as a couple?23:06 AMANDA: Yeah, I've worked with couples, I've worked with just men.23:08 DANIEL: Okay, so it's not just women.23:10 AMANDA: No.23:11 DANIEL: But that's your primary audience.23:13 AMANDA: Yes.23:13 DANIEL: So, along this line of thinking, you extend this idea of, "You need to take responsibility in your relationship for your own behavior and how you perceive things and create a new healthy or a new normal." You push this idea into intimacy. And I think it was that same podcast I was listening to is, "When sex is requested, say yes."23:36 AMANDA: It's the Nike approach. Just do it.23:38 DANIEL: Just do it.23:38 AMANDA: Say yes to the sex. That's what I say.23:40 DANIEL: And you addressed the concerns around that in the podcast, but tell me a little bit more because there is a risk there. How do you create healthy boundaries in an environment where you're saying yes to sex whenever requested?23:52 AMANDA: Yeah, so of course there's gonna be abuses taken, but what I'm talking about is more just in a good healthy relationship, where a lot of women are just not in the mood, so they're not... They don't wanna do it whenever their husband wants. And I'm really encouraging them to cultivate that connection and that desire within themselves, so that when their husband approaches them, they're ready, they want it too. And the more that they cultivate that within themselves, the more they start to crave it themselves.24:28 DANIEL: Is there ever a time to say no?24:29 AMANDA: Yeah, I've had women who, like, "Well, what if my husband is wanting sex as I go out the door and I need to be somewhere?" I'm like, "Okay, that's not gonna work. But you don't say, 'No, we're not having sex right now,' you say, 'Hold that thought. Let's do it later. I gotta run here.'" So, you're not saying no, you're saying yes, but let's do it later, when it's a little bit more convenient.24:51 DANIEL: You're focusing on the desired outcome. I love it.24:54 AMANDA: Yeah. Another one was like... And this is... Sorry, maybe too much for you, but women are like, "Well, can I say no when I'm on my period?" I'm like, "Well, that's a boundary... "25:03 DANIEL: Not too much here at all.25:05 AMANDA: "That's the boundary you can set for yourself." "Yes, I will say yes to you when I'm not on my period." But I will push you a little bit further and say, "It is totally fine for you to have sex while you're on your period, you just have to make some adjustments. Get a towel. It might be a little messier. Use a menstrual disk so that you can... " There are options. It's just, what are you willing to do for that?25:28 DANIEL: As I said at the beginning, we're gonna meander here. I love having just casual conversation. Let's explore that a little bit more there. I've actually, and maybe it's just being a man, I'm seeing a different perspective here, but I'm curious what you're seeing. Usually, I hear the man doesn't wanna have sex while the wife is on her period. Are you seeing it the other way around, where usually it's the women or is it...25:50 AMANDA: I see both. In my, "say yes to the sex challenge", if the man is saying, "I wanna have sex and I know you're on your period," then what is your hold up? What barriers are you putting into play? Just like, "Oh, I can't do it because I'm on my period," or like, "Is there really a problem?"26:09 DANIEL: Excellent, excellent insight there. I love it. So fascinating. So, what is the maybe biggest obstacles to intimacy that you're seeing for women?26:22 AMANDA: Guilt. Shame. Not knowing their body.26:25 DANIEL: Guilt and shame around what?26:28 AMANDA: I think the cultural dialogues that they've had in their youth, that their sexuality is something that needs to be repressed and is evil and is going to take them to hell, and then all of the sudden expecting that to be different when they're married. And not understanding that we should not be repressing sexuality as teenagers. We should be learning to manage it. And so, now that you're an adult, you've gotta figure out how to manage it as an adult. And that means not continuing to suppress it, and that means doesn't going crazy but learning how to manage it as an adult manages things.27:06 DANIEL: Wow. How does one go about eliminating that guilt? That's...27:11 AMANDA: Figuring out where it comes from, what the thoughts are, and just retraining the brain on... A lot of what I get is women saying, "I feel dirty. I feel un-virtuous. I feel like Heavenly Father is going to be mad at me."27:28 DANIEL: Wait, wait, wait. Are you talking about about when they're having sex with their spouse?27:30 AMANDA: Yes, when they're having sex with their spouse, that it creates all of this guilt and shame that somehow their Heavenly Father is looking down on them for not using sex only for procreation. For a lot of them, it's okay to procreate, but for fun and enjoyment and being closer to their spouse, not okay.27:48 DANIEL: This is actually something that I've discovered more and more. I think I knew it before, but I didn't realize how deep it ran. I knew it did with me, but for maybe other reasons. But this concept, if you noticed in the group and maybe you saw are common, with the new interview, temple-recommended interview questions came out. And the questions around the law of chastity where you're striving to have morally clean thoughts. And some... And this is not to point out anybody or criticize or shame in any way, but a few people were actually saying, "How do I answer that question when I'm desiring sex with my husband?" Or something to that effect. And so, they equated this idea that sex, even with your eternal companion, is dirty and can't be experienced emotionally or mentally.28:35 AMANDA: Or having thoughts about having sex with your spouse is dirty. And yeah, I just... I'm like, "No." And I tried to tell this as much as I can and try to help women understand, like, "This is what's supposed to be happening. This is what your Heavenly Father wants for you. He gave you an entire organ just for your pleasure. It's not... He wants you to be having fun. He created your brain to need novelty and newness and dare we say dirty thoughts to get aroused with your spouse." Now, sometimes minds wander, and that's fine too. But if you're not turning away from your spouse to do that, if you're turning towards your spouse, even if your mind is going a different direction, good on you. That's what's supposed to be happening. This is how your brain was created. This is what your Heavenly Father wants for you. Just changing that dialogue, I think, is so needed, and that's what one of my main messages is. It's like, let's just change this dialogue a little bit. All of these things that you've heard or you heard as youth or you're reinforcing to yourself now, you're interpreting, there's a different way to think about things, and I just want you to open up your mind to that possibility.29:47 DANIEL: Yeah. What a wonderful idea there. That concept of guilt runs so deep and we start to bring so many different perspectives into the bedroom. And...29:58 AMANDA: Oh, for sure.29:58 DANIEL: We gotta get the Bishop out of the bedroom, we've gotta get our culture out of the bedroom. And how do we do that? 'Cause it crushes sex. Do you see... When a client of yours is able to embrace that idea and start to re-map their brain in how they think about this, what do you see happen to their sexual arousal or desire?30:19 AMANDA: It goes way up.[chuckle]30:22 DANIEL: It seems like I led right into that...30:23 AMANDA: Way up, yeah. This has happened with quite a few clients, but I usually see them creating, cultivating that more within themselves. And it just... It makes everything better. I have a little theory here that the anxiety that so many women have is really just that they're sexually frustrated. And I would love to do some sort of study on this. I gotta try and figure it out. But I really think that they don't understand their body well enough to know that they're actually craving it, and they need it. And if they would just let their body do what it was made to do, quit putting on the brakes all the time and just let it run, it would be so much better for every aspect of their life. They would be a better wife, they would be a better mother, they would be a better friend, they would be a better worker. Every single aspect of their life would be better. And I have seen that for myself. I've seen it in my clients. It happens almost every time. Unless there's some sort of sexual trauma, abuse or something that needs to be worked through, and that's not something I do. I turn that over to the professionals. I can work with a therapist when it comes to that, but that's not something that I personally work on, that's out of my scope. But unless there's that there, it's just women putting on the brakes when they don't need to put on the brakes.31:50 DANIEL: Yeah. Have you ever seen... And I appreciate the clarification around the trauma, and I think that's very important to... And thankful that you refer out for that stuff. And I think that it's important to understand too, it's not for everyone to approach it this way. I'm curious if you've ever seen where somebody is working on their guilt and they start to experience their desires in a way that they've never done before. Have you noticed any of them actually get scared of that desire?32:17 AMANDA: Yeah.32:18 DANIEL: Tell me a little bit about that.32:19 AMANDA: Their brain is doing this, like, "I want it, but I can't." And they're just fighting it constantly, and so, it's causing all this friction that they don't understand.32:28 DANIEL: They can't what? They can't have it or... Oh, because it's bad.32:31 AMANDA: It's bad. They shouldn't. But helping them retrain their thinking so that, like, "No, this is a good thing. This is what I was created for. If I can embrace this, my Heavenly Father can give me even more of His Spirit and His blessings. He can bless my relationship, my marriage, even more when I can open myself up to everything that I was created to be."33:00 DANIEL: I've even heard female clients say... I wanna represent it correctly. I think it was, "I don't... " As they're starting to feel this arousal and this orgasm come on, I've heard a handful of them say, "I don't deserve this." It's very self-shaming language. I'm not exactly sure what they're experiencing as a female, and that... 'Cause I know for a lot of men is like, "Yes, we're creating that experience." So, what is this dynamic they're feeling?33:32 AMANDA: I talked about it a little bit in my last podcast, that we...33:37 DANIEL: Was that 77 or... Which podcast was that?33:39 AMANDA: 78, I think. We're told in the proclamation of the family that we're nurturers. We are responsible to nurture our husbands and our children, and we've turned that into, "We need to be self-sacrificing."33:52 DANIEL: That's the language they use. "It feels selfish to have an orgasm." [33:55] ____, yes.33:57 AMANDA: Yes. Yes. And so, they don't feel like they can have that for themselves, because if they do, then they aren't fulfilling their eternal role as a nurturer. And what I say is, "You need to nurture yourself first." Sex isn't about the culmination of a man having an orgasm. That is not what sex is about. And when it comes to sex, yes, you want to take care and nurture your spouse, but you need to make sure that you are taken care of and nurtured for yourself as well. You and your arousal and your feelings and your primary responsibility. It is not your spouse's responsibility to give you an orgasm, it is your responsibility to get yourself in a place where that can happen.34:40 DANIEL: Wonderfully said. And I'm gonna link the listeners to the specific podcast that I'm referencing, we're referencing, in this podcast. But tell me a little bit more about that. I think it was in the orgasm podcast, again, that learning yourself, even through masturbation, it's not just about stimulating your clitoris. Tell me, do you recall what I'm talking about? Tell the audience more about self-exploration, what's involved with that?35:06 AMANDA: Yeah. So many people think that orgasm is the end goal. And really, it's about connection, but it's also about pleasure. So really, understanding how you personally experience pleasure, that can probably get you to orgasm, but understanding your body... We have erogenous zones all over our body. I love that Friends episode. [chuckle] I don't know if you remember that, but I'm sure some of your listeners probably do. The seven erogenous zones. We have so many places on our body that can experience pleasure. And so, if we tune into our body and really understand how we personally experience pleasure, then we are much more able to have that experience and cultivate that within ourselves. Whether that's, we are understanding how we can touch ourselves, or how we can guide a partner to touch us. It doesn't have to be masturbation. You don't have to pleasure yourself to the point of orgasm. It's just understanding what feels good to you, and then, being able to replicate that, either with a partner or on your own.36:17 DANIEL: We refer to this as sensate focus therapy. Touching and even dragging your fingers across your skin, and just becoming present with yourself. And I really valued how you approached this topic in that podcast, and that you're even sharing with the audience. Consider things you haven't considered before, like anal stimulation. And that may seem dirty, but even that concept of it feeling dirty or not even considering is self-shaming and not really considering what your body can or should do or would like to do. You're silencing your body and not actually paying attention to it. And so, in this senate experience, touching yourself all over, your nipples, your anus, your vagina, your arms, everything.37:04 AMANDA: Everything.37:05 DANIEL: Discover what you like and how it resonates with your sexual self.37:10 AMANDA: Yeah, and so, I actually... And I couldn't offer this, and I'll give you a link to put in your show notes. I offer a free worksheet, a download, where it guides a woman through different body parts and how those body parts like to be touched. And it's just... I call it the roadmap to personal pleasure. Really figuring out what pleasure feels like for you. It can be done alone, it can be done with a partner, both, either. You can do whatever you want with it. It's just a guide to get you thinking and get you started.37:47 DANIEL: Amanda, I gotta have you back on, 'cause I would love to continue to poke and prod your knowledge, and I could go on for hours like this. Anything that you would like to... I think you shared a lot here, but anything you'd like to leave the audience with, before we wrap up?38:03 AMANDA: I would love for you guys to follow me on Instagram @amandaloudercoaching. My podcast is called Live From Love. That's what I believe this life should be, that if we live from a place of love, we're not only honoring ourself, but we're honoring everybody else around us, and that's the best place to be.38:20 DANIEL: Amanda, thank you, thank you so much for your time.38:23 AMANDA: You're so welcome, Daniel, thanks for having me.

In this first ever LIVE recording of an Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist podcast episode Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins the Mormon Marriages team to talk about… The story of what inspired Dr. Finlayson-Fife to dedicate her education and career to helping LDS women and couples improve their relationships and their lives. Two questions are answered, both asked by women: Question ONE addresses the cultural pressure to suppress sexuality and how to overcome it. Because the stereotype of a good LDS woman seems to not include comfort with her sexuality, how does one not succumb to this instinctively? Question TWO addresses one woman’s inability to orgasm. Dr. Finlayson-Fife talks about the psychological shifts as well as behaviors that can help achieve or expand one’s capacity for climax. This episode is one of two parts of the live recording. Part 29 is the second half of this live interview. To learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s work, visit our Website, check out our Course Page, and take a look at our upcoming Events. www.Finlayson-Fife.com This episode was originally aired on October 6th 2019.

In this first ever LIVE recording of an Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist podcast episode Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins the Mormon Marriages team to talk about…-The story of what inspired Dr. Finlayson-Fife to dedicate her education and career to helping LDS women and couples improve their relationships and their lives.-Two questions are answered, both asked by women:Question ONE addresses the cultural pressure to suppress sexuality and how to overcome it. Because the stereotype of a good LDS woman seems to not include comfort with her sexuality, how does one not succumb to this instinctively?Question TWO addresses one woman’s inability to orgasm. Dr. Finlayson-Fife talks about the psychological shifts as well as behaviors that can help achieve or expand one’s capacity for climax.This episode is one of two parts of the live recording. Part 29 is the second half of this live interview.To learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s work, visit our Website, check out our Course Page, and take a look at our upcoming Events.www.Finlayson-Fife.comThis episode was originally aired on October 6th 2019.

The Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist podcast series has moved from Rational Faiths to Mormon Marriages with Nate and Angilyn Bagley. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife covers topics such as managing different levels of desire and premature ejaculation.

The Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist podcast series has moved from Rational Faiths to Mormon Marriages with Nate and Angilyn Bagley. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife covers topics such as managing different levels of desire and premature ejaculation.To learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s work, visit our Website, check out our Course Page, and take a look at our upcoming Events.www.Finlayson-Fife.comThis episode was originally aired on August 14th, 2019.

In part 2 of our LIVE recording, we tackle two more questions from the guys! Question #1“My wife and I are trying to conceive. This is one of the most stressful times of my life, and stress is a major anti-aphrodisiac for me. How do I confront the pressure to perform?Question #2"My wife has a “fun” sexual past with her high school boyfriends. Before we dated she had shared too many of those experiences with me. I was fine with it, until I woke up to her crying on our wedding night. It triggered a jealousy and resentment where I feel she gave “them” her fun self. I got the Mormon prude and they got the fun girl. I love her, but I feel like she has never chosen me. I get that I’m at fault with the unforgiving heart and mad with jealousy that has built emotional walls. I feel like all our sex has been mercy sex. I don’t even want to have sex with her because that’s what it is. When we become intimate all I can see is her doing “this” with “them.” It makes me regret and feel bitterness that I strived to stay a virgin and be as "clean" as I could. I feel like I have lived life wrong. Since she is a terrific good person and she has the “dirty” past, she is the better more healthy person while I am the bitter/resentful seminary graduate boy. It makes me hate myself that I can’t get over that. I’m over 15 years into this and the cloud just gets darker and bigger. How can I start becoming more intimate with my wife while suffering with this intense jealousy? I just finished your course enhancing sexual intimacy and I am grateful for you and what you are doing. So, thank you and I would love to here your answer knowing it will be painful.”

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.  She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she offers online relationship and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals.  Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and write articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith.

In March of 2012, Brittany Fisher Frank was involved in a rappelling accident in which she fell 80-100 feet. The injuries she sustained from the fall left her paralyzed from the waist down.After her accident, she had many concerns including the worry of what dating what be like. But, when she met Trevor, he jumped right in - loading her wheelchair into his car on their first date!Though living with a disability comes with many challenges and difficulties, Trevor & Brittany share with us how they move forward in their marriage and in their lives with optimism, faith, and joy.Trevor and Brittany have been married for 3 years, and are the parents of an adorable little boy and the cutest dog.

Dani was widowed by suicide in March of 2019. Soon after, she began writing about her late husband, Denny, and about her experiences in real time as she and her two daughters go through life after a traumatic loss.She has become an advocate for mental wellness and stopping the stigma against suicide. You can read more on her blog at danibates.com or listen to her podcast “Make It Awkward” on any major listening app. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for the latest. 

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Brad Wilcox is a professor in the Department of Ancient Scripture at Brigham Young University where he also enjoys working with such programs as Especially for Youth, Women’s Conference, and Campus Education Week. He is the author of the book, The Continuous Atonement, and the BYU devotional, “His Grace is Sufficient.” Brad grew up in Provo, Utah except for childhood years spent in Ethiopia, Africa. He served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Chile and later returned to that country to preside over the Chile Santiago East Mission from 2003-2006. He and his family have also lived for a time in New Zealand and Spain where he directed study abroad programs for Brigham Young University. Brad has served as a member of the Sunday School General Board. He and his wife, Debi, have four children and six grandchildren. Reading, writing, teaching, and traveling are some of his favorite things. He loves Peanut M&M's and pepperoni pizza, but he realizes that doesn't sound too healthy so he is really trying hard to learn to love salads. 2:54 - Elder Faust asked Brad and Debbie Wilcox to be a model of a happy marriage to their missionaries3:45 - “Always go to the funeral”5:20 - We all want to make a difference in the world, but that starts with making a difference in your family6:00 - What Brad and Debbie are still learning after 35 years of marriage (lifelong learning, “empty nest” stage)7:50 - How Brad and Debbie met and fell in love11:00 - Things fell more into place when the pressure was off11:45 - First Kiss12:34 - Things progress more naturally in dating when there isn’t so much pressure13:45 - Sometimes things don’t just “fall into place” naturally when you meet the right person. It takes an intentional choice to give things a try. It takes vulnerability and risk.15:00 - The transition that happened when baby came along - they had to be more intentional in their marriage15:45 - The purpose of marriage is growth; the relationship matures over time17:15 - “Love isn’t two people looking madly at each other, love is two people looking in the same direction” The maturity and growth happens while working towards a common goal and purpose18:45 - The four “legs on a table” of a relationship (emotional/social, intellectual, spiritual, physical), and how strength comes in having a balance of all four.19:39 - the purpose of an engagement - strengthen the pillars of emotional/social, intellectual, and spiritual before adding in the physical helps to create a strong foundation21:50 - How each of the four pillars of a relationship help with the “hard work” of marriage23:55 - Intellectual - It’s not necessarily about sharing interests, but showing interest in the other person’s interests. Share your world with each other.25:55 - Emotional/social pillar27:00 - Spiritual pillar27:50/31:15 - It’s not always realistic to have scripture study and prayer together as a couple. As long as each individual working on their spirituality separately, that adds to the spiritual pillar of the relationship.29:15 - Simply being active in the church and having a temple recommend helps to be on the same page with core values29:30 - Fear of marriage in young people, and common causes of divorce30:20 - If you can live a certain way before marriage, it is a good indicator that you will be able to continue living that way after marriage (activity in the church, living within your means, etc).30:55 - The church alone can give a couple the spiritual connection the marriage needs.31:30 - Individual spiritual habits fulfill a need in our lives33:30 - Physical Pillar - men and women compliment each other with the emotional and physical sides of an intimate relationship.34:35 - “Choreplay”35:10 - Air traffic controllers vs Bowlers (landing airplanes vs knocking down the pins)37:25 - We’re meant to go together; we teach other to create a fuller and more meaningful experience37:50 - Different temptations for men and women38:10 - Avoidable mistakes of young couples41:30 - Problem solving vs listening41:45 - Asking for what you need instead of expecting your partner to “just know”42:45 - “You’re not allowed to complain about something you’ve never asked for”44:20 - Our society has taught us that asking for what we want is selfish - these leads to covert contracts. “My partner should just know what I need”46:00 - It’s easy to get discouraged, but just caring about making your marriage better shows that you are on the right track.46:30 - Satan will never have a marriage, and will never have a family. No wonder he is out to destroy our families.47:20 - “A problem identified, is a problem half-solved”48:20: - An example of real-life compromise

IN THIS WEEK’S EPISODE OF THE PODCAST WE TALK WITH JAKE AND KRISTIN HODSON ABOUT THEIR OWN KIND OF HERO’S JOURNEY.At the end of 2017, Jake and Kristin realized that they were living their lives in fast forward. With two successful careers, soccer practice, gymnastics, doctor’s appointments, church callings, family and friend duties, and more they felt like they were barely keeping their heads above water rather than being in control of their own lives.Jake mentioned the Three Deadly C’s that had a hold on their family:Consumption, Convenience, and Comfort.Jake and Kris have been married for 12 years and are parents to three wild things ages 10, 7, 4.  They've worked hard throughout the course of their marriage to become partners in parenting, professional pursuits, and personal passions which include travel adventures, surfing, yoga, snowboarding, and anything water related. Jake is a Certified Yoga Instructor and works full-time in the professional world of commercial real estate. Kris is a Certified Sex Therapist,  founder of The Healing Group, a mental health clinic in Salt Lake City, author Real Intimacy: A Couple's Guide to Genuine, Healthy Sexuality, and a regular speaker on sexual health. You can find more about them at TheTaoOfHodson.com

Zack Oates is an entrepreneur, hot tubber, blogger and husband (but not in that order, necessarily). It took him over 1,000 dates to find his wife (worth the wait) and has documented his journey on BowlofOates.com. Annie is a Fashion designer who runs her a design shop and shows off her up-cycling at heyannieo.com when she's not momming or wifing it up like a boss.They are a hashtag power couple.3:30 - The most important mentors in life are those who are just a few steps ahead of you.4:30 - How Zack and Annie met5:20 - Rule #1: You can kiss on the first date, as long as you marry them!6:15  - What Zack learned after 1000 dates7:20 - Fireworks vs Smolder8:40 - “God, if this wrong, tell me now….because I’m going for it!”9:10 - Choose your love, and love your choice.10:15 - Lots of people like to warn us that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it doesn’t have to be that way10:30 - Mission lesson: It’s not about obedience, it’s about love. “Obedience is the first law, but love is the greatest” Marriage is very similar. Love and serve your companion.12:45 - “You’ve made your choice. Now, spend the rest of your life making it the right choice.”14:30 The first year of marriage was not as hard as everyone painted it to be, but it was still an adjustment for them.17:15 - If your friends are having a bad day or do something mean, you can leave. But in marriage, you’ve got to deal with it!18:00 Marriage is easier than dating - it’s a different kind of hard.19:45 There are many people who will say, regardless of what stage of life you’re in, “Oh [this stage] is the worst!”12:30 There are other people who will say that whatever stage is NEXT in life, is the hardest. “You just wait!”21:00 People who are optimistic will always be able to find the good. (and vice versa)22:10 Slug Bug analogy. “You find what you’re looking for.”23:50 If you want to hear the voice of God, listen. If you want to see the hand of God, look. If you want to feel the love of God, serve.24:15 “The world, with all its sham and drudgery, is still a beautiful place.” There is an abundance of joy available to us, but we have to CHOOSE to take it.25:30 The ritual of a Weekly Companionship Inventory26:15 Things that make marriage hard - family, sex, money, communication, and forgetting the small stuff. Companionship inventory helps to address all of these things on a regular basis.27:40 Steps to a good inventory: #1. Offer a reason you love the other specifically from the week #2. Ask what can I do to improve or be better #3. Go over finances #4. Set your schedule for the week.28:45 “Real-time feedback”29:45 Go to marriage counseling BEFORE there is a problem. Gather the tools and skills you need to be prepared when issues arise.30:15 While communicating, learn how to dig for the deeper meaning or intentions behind your partner’s words. Sometimes the conversation needs to keep going in order to truly understand each other. Get to the root issue.31:00 A lot of our actions are rooted in our fears and insecurities. It’s important to understand what our partner’s fears are in order to have context surrounding why they do what they do. This can lead to more empathy versus anger.32:00 Fight or Flight mode is instinctual during arguments and stress. When your partner shuts down, lashes out, or takes flight during an argument, it’s not effective to just tell them to stop or return the anger. It’s important to ask yourself, “What could I be doing that has put them into fight or flight mode? What am I doing that is making them feel unsafe?”33:00 The other person’s perception of reality is the only reality that they have.36:05 Low Negativity Threshold (resolve issues quickly to avoid resentment)37:45 Dishes analogy38:25 Your brain perceives emotional pain in the same place that it perceives physical pain. Our natural instinct is to pull away from whatever is causing us pain. You need to repair that emotional wound in order to close the gap that the hurt created.40:30 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner41:30 Be quick to apologize and quick to forgive. Acknowledge the hurt that was made, heal, and move on.42:05 Give genuine compliments often.44:00 If marriage is for eternity, why not make is something to be stoked about?44:45 Surround yourself with people who LOVE marriage and have a positive outlook.47:10 Find what you value most and have a “thing” that you do together. Always have something to look forward to.49:30 Alma 32 - comparing the seed to love and marriage (it takes effort and nourishment)52:25 In dating, sometimes there are good seeds and good soil that just aren’t compatible with each other, and that’s okay!55:25 When the seed finally takes root and begins to grow, even if it’s slow,it can truly become something “sweet above all that is sweet”56:20 Marry your best friend56:30 “Strive to be happy”57:05 “Teach it to me, or take it from me”

Setema Gali is a world-class coach, speaker, trainer, and author of the book Winning After the Game.He works with highly-committed individuals to identify the necessary required actions to create the kind of life they want.Setema is also a Super Bowl Champion, an invested and attentive husband, and a committed father.Check out his book Winning After The Game to learn how he's created a wealthy life after going bankrupt, losing everything, and even having to sell his Super Bowl Ring.4:16 How Setema met and pursued his wife6:25 They were best friends - he felt like he could not be without her8:50 How they deal with conflict. They have a clear purpose in creating a happy marriage, and they do what it takes to build one despite arguments or disagreements8:45 “I don’t want this. Let’s talk RIGHT NOW” Quickly overcome negativity, bitterness, anger, etc. Clean things up fast.10:55 Clarity is power. If you are really clear on what you want, it is simple and easy to know what needs to be done to get it.11:20 Believe it is possible to have an amazing marriage that works12:35 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner.12:50 You most often don’t hurt your partner on purpose, but it happens. Regardless of whether you meant it or not, it creates a gap in your relationship; a wound that needs to be healed.13:25 When his wife said something that hurt him, his instinct was to shut down and pull away. Because of the clear agreement they have to confront and resolve quickly, he talked with her about it soon after. She had no idea she had hurt him, but she apologized. They hugged, cried and expressed love to each other and the issue resolved.15:10 Ask for what you want and need15:45 The happiest couples have a “low negativity threshold”16:25 Live by agreements; not expectations. Be clear on your goals and purposes, but don’t hold your partner to perfection. This leaves room for being able to communicate your wants and desires.18:15 Don’t be afraid to confront your spouse when something isn’t right. Do it with love, kindness and integrity.18:50 If you ask couples what they really want in their marriage, few will be able to answer with a clear purpose.19:35 Having a clear purpose helps to create and intentional and deliberate way of life.20:20 Be committed to your dreams, goals, and visions. Focus on improving 1% each day.22:05 You can have whatever kind of marriage you want. The marriage that you currently have is the marriage that you’ve chosen to create (for good or for bad). If it’s not what you want, then choose to change and create it.23:00 Before having this type of conversation, set it up with an agreement and a clear purpose. “I want to have a conversation about how we can be better in our marriage, and I want you to be 100% open and honest with how you feel. Can you do that?”23:50 These types of conversations take practice, but the more you do it, the more natural and quickly they can occur.24:05 “What can I do better?”25:05 “What do you want or need [in the home, in our marriage, with finances, sex etc]”25:25 “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” “What’s missing?” “What’s next?”26:50 What do I want in my marriage, and what is required of me to get it?27:00 Effective communication is key28:45 “Where are you at right now?”29:05 Winning after the game31:05 Be clear about what you want, and then be committed to achieving it.31:35 Marriage is the most important thing for our country and for our world.31:40 A happy couple can teach their kids the model of a healthy relationship32:30 Wealth is beyond money32:55 Happy families and happy homes breed powerful people33:20 “Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you have is your choice.”

Kurt is the founder of the Leading LDS podcast and website. He provides LDS Leaders with tools, resources, and training to effectively do magnify their callings. His interviews are awesome. If you have a leadership calling in the church, he definitely has something to help you do it better.

So, if a Celestial Marriage isn't something that just happens to us on the day we're sealed, how do I create one? What steps do I need to take? What does it even look like?These are the questions we're out to answer on the podcast.We realize most people haven't had many great examples of incredible, lasting, passionate marriages.Most people haven't seen marriages overflowing with kindness, honesty, desire, forgiveness, intimacy, vulnerability, and true charity. And because we don't have these examples after which we can model our behavior, we end up getting stuck, walking on eggshells, avoiding hard topics, watching lots of Netflix, burying our noses in our phones, and stalling our eternal growth.On Mormon Marriages, we will show you what extraordinary love looks like in many different forms. Some of them you'll love, some of them you might bristle at. We'll give you examples you can draw from, and offer you goals you can set for yourself.Our hope is that we will inspire you to build your Eternal Marriage in the way that gets you excited and motivated. You get one shot at creating something legendary that can last forever. Don't waste it! 

Julie de Azevedo-Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.  A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Salt Lake City, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

Josh and KC Brothers met on Tinder and have been messaging each other ever since! Early on in their relationship, they had discussions about their roles as stewards--not only of the Earth, but of each other. This led them to start making small changes in the way they live that would have a positive impact in their relationship with their home, their attachment to material goods, their food, their bodies, and each other. They discovered that no one was showing them how to start living a more conscious lifestyle--so they began documenting all of the baby steps it takes to get there in the hopes that others might be able to follow their trail as they became inspired to make similar changes. You can follow their journey to becoming better stewards on Instagram @consciousliving247.

Jacob 5…It is by far the longest chapter in the Book of Mormon. In seventy-seven verses spanning across six and a half pages, Jacob introduces us to the allegory of the olive tree.Growing up, I dreaded getting to this chapter. It was so long! To be honest, I didn’t really get the point of it. There’s lots of trees and the Lord and his servant go and graft in a bunch of branches and spread a bunch of poop on them, gather up the bad branches to burn them, they go back and forth between good fruit and bad…. yada yada…. On to the next chapter!It wasn’t until I was older that I realized the life-altering lesson in this allegory that I had been missing out on all those years. As I read each verse, the story came alive to me in my mind.We are the olive trees. Each of us. You and me.The Lord of the Vineyard (Heavenly Father) and his servant (Jesus Christ) are working so hard on us. They labor and anguish over us - doing everything in their power to help us grow and develop. They are digging about our roots, casting out the bad in us and cultivating the good.Sometimes, they rejoice because the fruit we are producing is good! And sometimes, they mourn because the fruit we produce is less than ideal. We can be easily corrupted, the wild branches taking over and running rampant in our lives.At one point in the story, the Lord of the Vineyard is about to “hew down” and cast all the trees in the fire. None of them were producing the desired fruit and he lamented saying, “What more could I have done?”The following verse has forever changed my outlook on life:But, behold, the servant said unto the Lord of the vineyard: Spare it a little longer.Spare it a little longer.A simple phrase that teaches a profound lesson.The servant goes on to describe that though the branches have gone wild and the fruit is good for nothing, the roots are still good. They are not too far gone.They can still be saved.No matter what point we are at on our journey, no matter what fruit we are currently producing, deep down our roots are good.Our current state does not define who we are. The Lord and his servant continue to tirelessly work on us, little by little, until the bad has been eradicated and we reach our divine potential of goodness.Do not judge someone for where they are at in their journey. Do not give up if you are not yet where you want to be. Your failures can become your greatest life lessons.Keep going. Keep trying. Allow the Lord to work in your life. It is never too late.Whenever you’re tempted to throw in the towel and stop trying, whether in your life or in your marriage, remember those five powerful words:Spare it a little longer.

What if you want so much more, but you don’t even know where to start?Let’s see what Alma had to say about this:“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” -Alma 32:27In other words, if you’ve got a desire to have an awesome marriage, then you’ve already begun. The next step is to slap on those rubber gloves and protective goggles and start experimenting.experimentex·per·i·ment   ikˈsperəmənt noun: a course of action tentatively adopted without being sure of the eventual outcome.verb: try out new concepts or ways of doing things.My favorite part of this definition is, “without being sure of the eventual outcome.” Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and give something a try even if you have no idea what is going to come out of it. (See 1 Nephi 4:6-7)In this week’s episode of the podcast, we sat down with Celeste and Rich Davis from the Marriage Laboratory to talk about the importance of experimenting.

Daniel A. Burgess, MA, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexuality and relationships. He has also worked as a consultant in Silicon Valley, as well as volunteered within the community in various roles.Daniel is a blogger, speaker, and author of “Reconciling our Divine Sexual Identity”, scheduled for release in early 2019. He also runs an engaging and informative Facebook group discussing marriage and sexuality in the faith, “Improving Intimacy in Mormon Marriages”. For additional resources or questions, connect with him at daniel.burgess@gmail.com. You can also schedule a video appointment with him here.

Kristin Hodson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.  She is Founder and Executive Director of The Healing Group mental health clinic in Salt Lake City and Co-Author of the book Real Intimacy: A Couples Guide for Genuine, Healthy Sexuality (Cedar Fort 2011). Additionally she works as an adjunct professor teaching human sexuality to master level students working to become Social Workers and founded the Rocky Mountain Sex Summit in an effort to increase sexual health competency in mental health professionals. She has a unique ability to break down the topics of sexuality into easily digestible pieces empowering people to further develop their sexual identity, hone their sexual values, improve their communication around sexuality all with the intention to improve people’s relationships with themselves and others.Kristin is approachable, relatable and has a light sense of humor around something that often feels intimidating or heavy. She has been a guest presenter for nationally renowned sex therapist Dr. Gina Ogden and Dr. Tammy Nelson and has contributed to national media outlets including Huffington Post Live, NPR, Women’s Day Magazine and MTV and local outlets including RadioWest, Studio5,The Deseret News, RadioWest, The Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City magazine, various podcasts and local news outlets.  Kristin is a Mom of 3 wild things and a partner to her husband Jake living in Salt Lake City, Ut and Playa Grande, Costa Rica.

Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology from Boston College. She wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, has taught college-level courses on human sexuality, and currently teaches online and community-based relationship and sexuality courses to LDS couples. She is a frequent contributor on the subjects of sexuality, mental health, and spirituality to LDS-themed blogs, magazines, and podcasts. She maintains a private practice in Chicago where she lives with her husband and three children. She is an active member of the LDS church.2:35 Jennifer’s workshop “Art of Desire”4:15 The meaning frames that humans create to justify or explain their circumstances6:45 It is necessary to integrate your god-given sexuality8:00 “False tradition” says that sexuality is a necessary evil8:35 Mormon theology for sexuality9:10 Ways to be evil10:15 Sexuality and goodness11:15 Adjusting to marriage14:00 Steps to cultivating god-given desire14:30 we run our own sexuality, it doesn’t run us16:45 What happens when you’re afraid of your sexuality (repression or indulgence)18:15 Sexual contract - marriage is a chosen relationship; to know and be known20:45 Marriage pushes your development21:30 What can my marriage teach me?22:15 “Ticks and moles”23:10 You live in the environment that you create23:45 We self deceive and collude in not dealing with troubles (polite marriage vs intimate marriage)24:15 Measuring quality of marriage25:30 Can there be room for the best of both partners? We often want our own limitations to prevail while expecting our spouses’ limitations to disappear26:00 Victim mentality (guilt your spouse into submission) It may look like there’s peace, but there will be underlying anger and resentment.27:00 Unrealistic fantasy of “oneness”28:00 Using the validation of others to sustain your own sense of self28:50 “In the name of Love, we can sometimes suck the lives out of our spouses” (validate me, reinforce me)29:45 Choose to love someone, limitations and all30:00 Breaking the bond of using someone else for your own validation31:40 Even if your partner says all the right words, it won’t land anywhere if you don’t feel it in your heart32:30 Taking accountability for your own life33:15 “False tradition” if women want to develop vs nurture, then they are selfish (we’ve come to earth to develop and create)34:30 Create a sense of self34:50 Self deception is Satan’s path35:20 Taking responsibility for your own emotions37:25 Don’t try to manage your partner in order to manage yourself. Trying to control things we have no control over, like our spouses, distracts us from focusing on what we CAN control, like ourselves38:45 What are my blind spots that I have yet to confront?39:00 One of the kindest things you can do for your partner is to manage yourself (anxiety is infectious). This allows them to in turn manage THEMSELVES40:20 Ask yourself “what am I pretending not to know about my role in these circumstances”41:00 Confronting yourself is a scary thing, especially in a sexual relationship42:00 Own your own desire and ask for what you want vs covert contracts42:45 Owning your desire exposes you to the possibility of rejection. This is true intimacy and true vulnerability43:20 “you’re not allowed to complain about not getting something you’ve never asked for”44:05 it’s easier to sit in an entitled resentment thinking “you owe me” instead of asking for what you want and risking not getting it.44:45 When we don’t take responsibility of our desires, we stunt the development of our marriages and of ourselves44:55 if you’re not getting what you want in your marriage - #1 have you asked for it? #2 are you doing your part to create the possibility of getting it?46:40 We’re good at thinking about all of the things we think we are owed, but not so good at confronting our part in he negative reality we are living in47:10 Make it easy for your partner to give you what you want48:25 The theology of Mormonism contains the architecture for creating amazing marriages49:15 you come to know God through behavior, not ideas. It’s the way you act in our marriage that is a reflection of how much you understand God.

Treagan and Kim White have been married for 10 years. They have one very strong-willed six year old girl who keeps them going. They enjoy outdoor adventures and discovering new places to explore. Their world was rocked when Kim was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer (adrenocortical carcinoma) in 2014. They lost their second child at 18 weeks of pregnancy, during Kim’s initial treatment. She was told she only had a few months to live, but those who know Kim know she’s not the type to accept someone telling her what she can and can’t do. So, fighting cancer is this couple’s new norm. They have learned so much about what really matters in this life. They’ve been knocked down so many times that getting back up is just a habit. Together, they have come to know about change, starting over, forgiveness, unconditional love, and daily progress. Cancer has not only blessed their life but it saved their marriage.

Adventure Traveling Family of Three. Ourselves in 5 words:NELLIE - Outdoors, Yoga, Climbing, Painting, RunningBRYCE - Entrepreneurial, Film, Basketball, Guitar, TravelAVALYN - Milkies, Giggles, Dirt, Sunlight, TreesIn 2015, Nells had a health scare that pushed us to finally pursue our dreams and adventure the world. We started our Youtube channel in hopes to inspire others to adventure more & also to have memories for us. We began hiding treasure bottles everywhere we adventured. Whoever found them received outdoor gear, a vacation, or even money. Go find one!! We hope that by sharing our adventures with you, it inspires you to do the same. Do something memorable this week!

Thomas Harrison has been trained in cognitive therapy, psychodynamic therapy, reality-oriented therapy, and relationship therapy. He has been practicing in Utah with a clinical license since 1977. He has taught at the University of Utah Medical School, Graduate School of Social Work and in conflict resolution and divorce mediation at the BYU Law School.Harrison has postgraduate training in depression, anxiety, sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, sexual addiction, and posttraumatic stress disorders. He has counseled over 4000 survivors of sexual abuse. He treats dissociative disorders and has served on the neuro-trauma team at three hospitals.He has 40 years of experience and assists in the resolution of problems quickly and in the long run for less cost to the client. He is knowledgeable in traditional psychotropic medication and nontraditional approaches to wellness. He is a skilled therapist. He is the author of three published books.

Manuel & Llyly Valdes have a Celestial Marriage of 25 years. They met as Manuel was finishing his mission in the Dominican Republic. The beginning of their relationship was orchestrated by a mutual friend who saw them as eternal. She convinced them to write to each other after Manuel returned home from his mission to Australia. Initially through letters, their friendship soon progressed to what is now, a continuous romantic courtship.Manuel is a senior consultant with an IT solution company based in Melbourne, Australia. Llyly has been a health professional for a number of years and is currently building her own business as a wellness educator. They are the parents of 3 young single adults.Both have served in various church leadership capacities. Manuel has been a branch president, bishop, and member of several stake presidencies (including a stake president in two stakes). While supporting her husband with his demanding responsibilities, Llyly has also served in stake and ward Relief Society Presidencies, and stake and ward young women presidencies. Recently, they both Served together as Multi-stake YSA advisors for the Melbourne and Tasmania States of Australia. They loved this calling because amongst other things, they got to show off their dancing moves in the various YSA dances.We met Manuel and Llyly as they had returned to the USA to celebrate their 25th year wedding anniversary by revisiting the San Diego temple where they were sealed in 1993.

We hear this type of question all the time.You’ve heard it said, “It takes two to tango.”You’ve got all these awesome ideas on how to better your relationship, but no matter how many times you ask your spouse to get on board, you aren’t getting any ounce of participation from them.You want your life to change, but you feel stuck.“I want to be healthier, but my wife hates exercising.”“I want our family to be more spiritual, but I can’t get my husband to initiate scripture reading and family home evening.”“I wish that we weren’t on our phones as much, but everytime I ask my spouse to put their phone away we end up arguing.”“I need more help around the house but I have to constantly nag, yell and scream before anyone lifts a finger.”Do any of these situations sound familiar to you?If so, you’re not alone.So, how do you get your spouse to embrace all of these things and put them into practice?Spoiler Alert…YOU can’t.You can’t make your spouse to do anything, regardless of how hard you try.But why not?!?!If you haven’t learned already, you have zero control over your spouse and their choices.Zero. Zilch. None whatsoever.In fact, there are very few things in life that you actually have control over: Just you… Your thoughts, your actions, your choices.We talk about this all the time on the blog and in the podcast.Just like it would do you absolutely no good to stand outside in the rain and beg the sky to stop, it does you no good to hound your spouse and constantly nag them in hopes that they will see things your way and change.This is type of behavior is more harmful than helpful…So, what can you do?

If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

Jason Coombs is a person in long-term recovery and the Founder and CEO of nationally accredited Brick House Recovery. He earned a Master of Professional Communication Degree (MPC) and has a deep passion for recovery. In fact, he is the author of the newly released book Unhooked: How to Help an Addicted Loved One Recover. He is a professional TEDx Speaker, consultant, and leadership expert.Jason serves in the Meridian Anti-Drug Coalition, Drug Free Idaho, and works closely with the Institute for Addiction Study. Currently, Jason serves on the Idaho Conference on Alcohol and Drug Dependence Board.Jason loves the outdoors and is an ironman 70.3 finisher with his two brothers. Jason and his wife enjoy living in a small town outside of Boise, Idaho with their twin toddlers. You can find him in the Recovery Movement group on Facebook.You can contact Jason directly at info@brickhouserecovery.com.

Tyler and Danelle Beckstrand met in a college math class at Utah State University (go Aggies!) They got married in 2011 and graduated together a few years later. The plan was to have babies right away but they found themselves dealing with unexplained infertility. After six years of trying to build their family, they decided adoption was their next step. In May 2019 they experienced their first failed adoption but came back more determined than ever!Although there are many unknowns in this journey, they are anxious, and ready, to give all their love to the lives that enter into theirs. They look forward to starting new family traditions and excitedly await all the giggles and smiles to come.

Mark and Georgia Anderson are a “2nd chance“ couple who have been married for 15 years. Between them, they have seven married children and going on 13 grandkids. They love to ski, serve, and adventure together, and are creating a second bucket list (since they have lived so long—everything got checked off).Mark is a PT (he will check your knees at parties), and Georgia is a relationship coach at knowhowmom.com.

In this episode of the podcast, we are joined by Brooke and Mike Romney.Brooke is a blogger, speaker and freelance writer, and Mike is in Business Development at a Healthcare Company. They reside just outside of Salt Lake City.They are raising 4 active boys who consistently remind us that they are not nearly as cool as they thought we would be.Brooke loves to write about anything and everything, but especially about things that matter. She is committed to sharing real life with a hopeful twist. Her fresh perspective and relatable style has engaged millions of readers in the Deseret News, Washington Post, Studio 5, and on her own blog and Instagram @brookeromneywrites. She loves writing, speaking and sharing truth any chance she gets.Brooke and Mike will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this December.

In this episode, I interview Nate and Angilyn Bagley. They are the hosts of the Mormon Marriages Podcast and Nate is the host of the Loveumentary Podcast. Not only are they a talented and dynamic duo for relationship coaching, they also collaborate with experts to create marriage-enriching "Date Nights" and other amazing resources. Check below for links to their marriage resources and upcoming events. ----- Nate and Angilyn’s Courses: https://loveschool.first7years.com/courses Utah Date Night with John and Julie Gottman: https://www.utahdatenight.com/optin27726296 Mormon Marriages Website and Podcast: https://www.mormonmarriages.com/ Loveumentary Website and Podcast: https://loveumentary.com/ ________________________________________________________ From Abundant Life Mentoring: All new transformational courses: Communication and Negotiation in Marriage - $47 https://abundantlifementoring.com/register/marriage-communication-and-negotiation/ Rekindling Romance and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage - $77 https://abundantlifementoring.com/register/rekindling-romance-and-sexual-intimacy/ **Join our free Happy Marriage Mastery Facebook Group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1866599246723591/ **To receive the free training, "5 Steps to Saving Your Marriage and Creating Deep Love and Connection, Even When You Feel It's Hopeless", go here and sign up for our free newsletter: www.abundantlifementoring.com **For courses and coaching on how to improve your marriage, go to: https://abundantlifementoring.com/courses-and-coaching/ Music on this podcast by Sokolovsky Music.

Josh and Angilyn Bagley, hosts of the Mormon Marriages podcast, join us to talk about what can be done to truly make a marriage celestial.

Nate and Angilyn Bagley are the hosts of the Mormon Marriages podcast. We talk about their path to getting married, faith trials, the podcast and their passion for helping others have the best marriages possible through online and live events. Nate and Angilyn are so insightful, funny and passionate about what they do. You will love them and you will love this episode.

On this episode of Saints Unscripted (formerly known as 3 Mormons), we got to talk to Nate Bagley about marriage. Nate Bagley runs multiple websites and podcasts including the Mormon Marriages website, utahdatenight.com, and the Loveumentary podcast. All in all, Nate knows A LOT about marriage and relationships so we had a BLAST talking with him about marriage tips, specially for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (otherwise known as Mormons). Nate specially talks about tips that you likely won't hear being taught in the restored church (otherwise known as the Mormon or LDS Church). Check out the podcast for all of his tips :) Wanna share your thoughts? Check us out on YouTube and leave a comment! Or shoot us a DM on Instagram. Thanks for listening :)

Mormon theology, including temple covenants, along with pulpit and lesson rhetoric and cultural and community discourse place a strong emphasis on the family. It also focuses on our becoming as fully like God as we can, including perfecting the combination of strength and vulnerability, and independence and relationality. In Mormon marriages, this means developing full intimacy with our spouses, which requires first a genuine intimacy with ourselves, facing our challenges and becoming whole. All of our theology and values point to this type of “becoming”—becoming one with God, within ourselves, and with our spouse. Yet, are there aspects of Mormon thought, culture, and practice that work against the development of genuine intimacy between spouses? And, if so, how might we come to better understand these in ways that will allow us ultimately to change them, but along the way, for ourselves, to at least transcend them? In this episode, Carol Lynn Pearson, Stephen Carter, and Jennifer Finlayson-Fife join Mormon Matters host Dan Wotherspoon for a focused discussion of intimacy in Mormon Marriages. Pearson alerts us to the negative consequences of the persistence of polygamy in our doctrines, practices, and in the hearts and minds of many Latter-day Saints, leading to a terrific discussion that dives down several more layers and, ultimately, to our imagining a “partnership” future that has transcended the harm engendered by “patriarchy.” Carter takes us into several interesting areas related to gender roles, church structures, and ways that the LDS culture places “value” on and judges the success or failure of a marriage—all of which that work against intimacy. Finlayson-Fife lifts up examples and insights from her career as a marriage and family therapist working with Mormon clientele, along with calling us again and again to pay attention to the core gospel of Jesus Christ, what Christ pointed to, which is internal transformation and development not external performance.