Podcasts about Urk

De fiscaliteit kent qua instroom van jonge professionals een paradox: het vak wordt, mede door AI, afwisselender en uitdagender, maar kampt tegelijk met een groeiend tekort aan jonge aanwas. Wat moet de branche doen om een nieuwe generatie professionals enthousiast te maken voor een vak dat op veel vlakken juist aansluit bij wat jonge mensen professioneel zoeken? In deze RB Podcast praten we hierover met Ynze Scheffer, partner fiscaal & advies bij Profinis op Urk.Over jonge trainees en zij-instromers, ondernemerschap, begeleiding en maatschappelijke relevantie. In gesprek met Sylvester Schenk, directeur fiscale zaken van het RB en de vaste host van de RB Podcast.Regelmatige luisteraar van de RB Podcast? Laat ons weten wat je er van vindt én stuur ons suggesties voor nieuwe afleveringen

Op Terschelling zijn de cranberry's veel meer dan een vrucht: ze zijn onderdeel van de geschiedenis van het eiland. In deze aflevering vertellen de broers Joop en Evert van Urk over het Terschelling van vroeger, het leven op het eiland en hun blik op de toekomst. Centraal staat het bijzondere verhaal achter de cranberry's en de rol die Joop daarin speelde. Hoe raakte hij verzeild in deze wereld? Welke tegenslagen kwam hij onderweg tegen? En hoe wist hij uiteindelijk met Eilandwinkel Wuxalia (vernoemd naar de oude naam van Terschelling) een bloeiend bedrijf op te bouwen vol eilandproducten, verhalen en eilandgevoel? Een warm, eerlijk en nostalgisch gesprek over ondernemerschap, doorzetten, familiegeschiedenis en een eilandicoon dat onlosmakelijk met Terschelling verbonden is.

In de nieuwste De Urkerland Sportcast is Lucas Nagel, speler van Urk 1, te gast. Een paar weken geleden maakte hij bekend te stoppen met voetballen in het eerste elftal van SV Urk. Na 17 seizoenen en in totaal bijna 500 wedstrijden hangt hij zijn voetbalschoenen aan de wilgen. In gesprek met Jelle Loosman en Klaas Ras blikt hij terug op zijn voetbalcarrière, die hoogte- maar ook dieptepunten kende. Naast het sportmoment van de week en de dilemma's, probeert Lucas alle trainers die hij meemaakte bij het eerste elftal in één woord te kenschetsen.

Van een verdwenen vissersboot op Urk tot liefdesbrieven van een kampbeul: in deze Nacht van… BNNVARA gaat presentator Bemshi de Visser in gesprek met journalist en schrijver Rik Kuiper. Hoe maak je van echte gebeurtenissen een verhaal waar je helemaal in wordt gezogen? En hoe krijg je mensen zover dat ze hun persoonlijke verhaal aan je vertellen? Dat hoor je in deze aflevering van De Nacht Van… BNNVARA.

Ligt het aan Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker, of zijn er nog nooit zoveel jonge ganzen en zwanen te zien geweest op Urk? Het is in elk geval een prachtig gezicht; al dringt langzaam het besef door dat donzige kuikens ook grote brutale beesten worden. Urkerdag en Urk 1 worden nog even besproken en ook de politiek komt aan bod. Over een opvallende bijdrage van een raadslid uit een geslacht van geheelonthouders. En over de verraderlijke wandelgangen, waarin onlangs een zeer opvallende naam van een kandidaat-wethouder klonk.

Previously on Saga of the Jewels…The life of seventeen-year-old RYN, bookish son of a wealthy landowner, changes forever when his hometown is destroyed by the EMPIRE and everyone he has ever known is killed. Ryn discovers that the Empire are seeking TWELVE PRIMEVAL JEWELS which grant the power to manipulate different elements, and that his father had been hiding the FIRE RUBY. He sets out to take revenge on the Imperial General who killed his family and retrieve the Fire Ruby, and along the way meets NUTHEA the lightning-slinging princess, SAGAR the swaggering skypirate, ELRANN the tomboy engineer, CID the wizened old healer, and VISH the poppy-seed-addicted bounty hunter. Together the companions decide to find all of the Jewels in order to stop the EMPEROR from finding them first and taking over the world. They have thus far succeeded in retrieving the Fire Ruby, borne by Ryn, and the Lightning Crystal, borne by Nuthea. They have now come to the land of FARR where they intend to compete in a hand-to-hand fighting tournament in order to attempt to win its prize, the EARTH EMERALD…EPISODE THIRTY-NINE: THE TOURNAMENT: QUARTER FINAL TWO: SAGAR OF IMFIS VS. HIUNA OF FARRTen minutes earlier.Sagar strode out of the dugout shoulder to shoulder with his opponent.He felt almost naked without his coat and swords, but his shirt and trousers would have to do.As they reached the open air of the little concourse that led from the tunnel mouth to the stone tiles of the arena, people must have spotted them, because a wave of cheers and applause from the thousands-strong Farrian crowd swelled to greet them……then subsided again to about half its original volume, breaking into a buzz of confused chatter.No wonder, Sagar thought as he stepped onto the arena floor and began to make his way over to one side of it. I'm not a Farrian, after all; I'm another ‘filthy foreigner' you weren't expecting–just like the pup was.And his opponent was a Farrian–but she was also a woman. As far as Sagar understood, women did not normally become monks, or fight, in Farrian culture, as was quite right and proper. How this woman had managed to progress to the quarter finals, he had no idea. Maybe she had had a free pass like him, Ryn and Vish for some reason.He regarded her where she took her place now opposite him about fifteen paces away on the other side of the arena, standing in a simple stance with two fists bunched and knuckles-down on either side of the top of her hips. She wore a leaf-green robe liked the baldies did, tied with an earth-brown sash at her waist. Her build was slight and slender. Like all Farrian women she had dark hair, except it was cut short like a Dokanese man's. Only the femininity of her cheekbones betrayed her as a woman, but had you not been told you might be forgiven for mistaking her for a man.Why do I always get paired up with these women who act like men? Sagar thought. It was like someone was trying to teach him something. At least hopefully this one won't also turn out to be my long-lost sister.He had begrudgingly learned not to underestimate women who looked a bit like men from his experience with Elrann. But Elrann had so far only beaten men in drinking competitions (probably by cheating) and only been able to make a laughing stock of him when she had her firearms at her disposal. Elrann had never fought him hand-to-hand, and Sagar knew that if she ever did, he would win. Just like he was going to win in this fight against this Farrian woman.Because if there was one thing that growing up on his father's skyship had taught him, it was how to fight, with a sword–or without one. He hadn't needed the scumsucker's ridiculous ‘training'.So I'm sorry, little Farrian girl, he thought, still regarding her with his exposed eye, but there's not going to be any glory, or prize money, or Jewels for you today. Those belong to me.“Ready?” the announcer said to him.Sagar nodded, smiling.His opponent did the same.“Then…...FIGHT!” The announcer shouted the word so loud it rang out over the crowd, then immediately rushed off to the sand that bordered the side of the arena to get out of the way.The woman standing across from Sagar pointed a finger at him and called out in a loud, theatrical, somewhat angry voice:“Sagar of Imfis! My name is Hiuna of Farr, and I am going to win this tournament! My whole life I have sought to prove my right to fight alongside men, and in this tournament I am going to do just that, first by defeating you, Sagar of Imfis!”Sagar winced at the repetition of his name. Did she have to underscore that, when he was a man wanted by the Empire? The woman, ‘Hiuna', had shouted loud enough for the whole audience to hear. They went quiet in the wake of her strange announcement, tensing to see what would happen next.“Er…okay?” Sagar said at a normal volume. Who did she think she was to challenge him, a fearsome pirate skycaptain? “Show me what you've got, then,” he invited, beckoning with a finger.And then Hiuna was sprinting straight at him.“HA!” She gave an aggressive yell, then leapt into the air, aiming a flying side-on kick at Sagar's chest.He got his hand up in time to deflect it as he stepped to one side out of the way, but boy did it hit hard as it glanced off his palm, sending a ripple of shock down his arm.Hiuna landed, then immediately sprang back up and launched a barrage of punches at him. High. High. Low. Middle. High.Sagar blocked or dodged all of them, then jumped backwards to put some space in between him and the woman and buy himself some more time.But she didn't give him any. She ran forward at once, closing the gap, came in with another kick, another flurry of punches, more kicks.Sagar blocked them all, tendons tightening in his neck from the effort.Hiuna came out of a roundhouse kick and continued rotating with her body, spinning around with a wicked surprise punch aimed at Sagar's stomach.Time slowed.Sagar could see that he was going to be able to block the punch in time, but it was coming towards him with such force that the impact of it might just knock him backwards all the same…backwards and out of the arena, the perimeter of which Hiuna had driven him to with her barrage of strikes.His instincts activated.Just before the punch connected, Sagar summoned the wind.A localised gust of air rushed from the open palm with which he had been about to block the woman's punch, so forcefully that it stopped her fist in mid-air, then pushed it–and her–backwards.Sagar stepped into the gust and drove his palm forwards to conceal his wind attack, connecting with Hiuna's hand as it moved backwards and making it look as if he had somehow blocked her blow and followed through with a counter-strike in the same rapid movement.He extended his arm fully, and Hiuna went staggering back a few paces towards the centre of the arena, grunting, almost losing her footing and falling over.She regained her balance, then came back into a fighting stance, this time with her two fists held out in front of her ready to fend off whatever Sagar might throw at her next.But Sagar did not follow up with another attack…yet.He was trying to work out if he could win this without more obviously resorting to his wind power, or ‘projection', or whatever the princess called it.She had pushed him to use it so soon. Much sooner than he had anticipated needing to use it in this tournament.The Farrian's delicate face was still fixed in an angry frown of determination, but now her brows crinkled even further, betraying puzzlement.She knows something is amiss.“You have some skill!” Sagar called out so the nearby audience members would be able to hear, deciding to follow up with a verbal assault, “I'll grant you that. Not bad, not bad at all, especially for a woman who wants to be a man!”A few snickers fluttered across the crowd, reaching Sagar's keen ears. He needed to keep up this momentum.“But you're still outmatched, I'm afraid!” he yelled, baiting her for all she was worth. “I'll make quick work of you, woman!”“You got lucky, foreigner!” Hiuna shot back. Sweat beaded on her forehead. Good. “I almost had you beaten in ten strikes! You got a lucky hit in, somehow! I won't let that happen again!”Pounce when they least expect it, rang a remembered voice in Sagar's head. The voice of the man he hadn't known was his father until it had been time for him to say goodbye. When they're most riled up and ready, that's when you get the jump on them. It supposedly applied to bedding, but also to fighting.Sagar bounded forward, coming on with a vicious right hook aimed at the woman's head.She got her forearm up to block it, and he followed up with a left jab, which she smacked out of the way with her other hand.He kept the pressure up, bombarding her with more punches. She blocked three more, then danced out of the way of the next.Damn it, he thought as he kept up the barrage, unable to land a hit. She is skilled. And surprisingly strong. He wished that he could take off his eye patch to see with both eyes. He would have to resort to his other trick again.He counted one, two, three more useless punches, then suddenly crouched and spun, whipping out his leg like a dog flicking out its tail, bringing it around in a low, sweeping kick.As he did so he summoned the wind to assist him so that he spun round impossibly fast, his kick moving with the speed of a gale. A small whooshing noise followed his leg round.He felt the kick connect with the woman's legs before he saw it happen. The back of his calf blossomed with brief impact as he swept her legs out from underneath her and she went over on her back, smacking against the stone with a satisfying slap.Sagar came up immediately and sprang forwards, aiming a gut-punch at her prone form.Before he landed, the woman rolled to the side and out of the way, and he punched the air where she had just been, pulling back just in time to stop his knuckles from hitting the stone of the arena floor.He watched as the woman kept rolling, then pushed herself up from the ground with her hands and, keeping her momentum, twirled around several times in the air, before landing in her double-fisted fighting stance again some distance away.Well, that was pretty impressive, he supposed.The woman scowled at him, more furious than ever.“What are you doing?!” she called out. “I am your better many times over, and yet you keep scoring surprise hits on me! You are cheating, somehow, foreigner!”Sagar shrugged exaggeratedly, making a show of it. “You can think that if you like, lady! Whatever helps you to feel better about yourself!”“Raaargh!” she cried out in anger and rushed at him again, arriving with a furious punch which he parried. She kept on at him, throwing strike after strike, so that Sagar had to consistently use the wind to speed up his responses, to nudge himself out of the way of an attack, to nudge her slightly away from him.She was throwing everything he had at him, making him sweat now, too.And it would have been enough…were it not for his special ability.Sagar pushed one of her high punches further up, past his shoulder, then saw an opening. Her stomach was exposed.He brought his knee up hard, even harder than he could normally, by propelling it with a gust of air.Spittle and a humiliating “Urk!” issued from the woman's mouth as she took the hit, then flew backwards through the air and landed on her back on the arena floor again.The skypirate turned away out of embarrassment for her.To his great delight, the crowd was cheering his name.“SA-GAR! SA-GAR! SA-GAR!”Apparently they knew a good fighter when they saw one, ‘filthy foreigner' or not.“One!” someone yelled. The announcer beginning his count.“Save your breath,” Sagar said to him where he knelt in the sand at the edge of the arena near to where Hiuna had landed. “I hit her very hard. She won't be getting up any time soon.”“Two!” called the announcer.He turned back to the crowd and started motioning with his hands for them to cheer louder. They obliged him.“SA-GAR! SA-GAR!”He clasped his hands together and held them aloft, shaking them together to proclaim himself the champion.“Thre–oh!”The crowd gasped all of a sudden.“Huh?”Sagar spun round just in time to see Hiuna running towards him.She barrelled into him, grabbing hold of his arms and headbutting him in the face.Pain erupted across Sagar's nose. He went over backwards, the woman still gripping his arms.His hit the ground and on instinct rolled to the side, immediately hoping to pin Hiuna down just as she had tried to do to him.Instead they kept rolling across the arena floor, shoulders banging against the stone, as the woman kept converting their momentum into another roll, and he did the same in turn.Eventually, their momentum ran out, and Sagar found that he didn't quite have the strength left to bring her over in one final roll.He sank back against the stone, banging his head. The woman lay on top of him, her face close to his, bright bands of pain around his forearms where she still held them tight.Damn, but she's surprisingly strong.“I don't know what trick you were pulling, foreigner,” Hiuna growled, huffing and puffing right in his face, expression furious and determined, “but I'd like to see you try it while I'm holding onto you.” Her breath smelled of jasmine.Sagar tried to think up a response, but found that his mind–and his body–had suddenly become very distracted by something.He had a woman on top of him. This was the first time he had ever had a woman on top of him.He had dreamed about it plenty of times, of course, but this was the first time he had ever had a real woman on top of him. In real life. Reality. A woman.And she was quite beautiful, if you took the time to notice. Her cheek-lines had a kind of delicate defiance to them, and her eyes burned with a green fire.And through his shirt, through her robe and under-garment, he could feel pressing up against him the unmistakable shapes of two small, but nonetheless round and firm, breasts.His loins stirred. So what if apparently he had a thing for women that looked a bit like men? At least she was still a woman.Hiuna must have noticed something was happening because her frown deepened. A very pretty frown, really, if you took the time to notice. Above pink, inviting lips.The woman's face was just inches away from Sagar's.He tilted his head up a little, closed his eyes, and kissed her on the mouth.He felt her body tense with surprise. Then, after a moment, to his own surprise and delight, she relaxed, and kissed him back.A hot, sticky kiss. A passionate, heat-of-the-moment, wrestling-on-the-arena-floor sort of kiss.His first ever kiss.“Five!” the announcer shouted somewhere above them.What?Sagar managed to ignore his shock and continue kissing Hiuna, but only barely.“Six!”The announcer had started the count and he hadn't even noticed. That's right, he was being pinned to the ground, after all!Was that why Hiuna was kissing him back? To keep him pinned down?“Seven!”But if she was doing that, then why had she also relaxed her grip on his arms?“Eight!”Did he even want to win this tournament any more, or had he found something–someone–better to preoccupy himself with?“Nine!”But she might just be trying to win too. What was he thinking?! Of course he wanted to win this tournament. Death or glory!He brought his free hands in under Hiuna's stomach.Her eyes opened wide and her face spasmed, breaking the kiss, just before...Sagar pushed upwards.As he did so, he projected a gust of air, and managed to get his feet up and under her too to lend the appearance of a double-footed kick helping her on her way.Hiuna flew backwards off of him, over his head.Sagar managed to scramble up and twist his body around in time to see her arms and legs flailing wildly as she described a high arc through the air, turning over a couple of times, then landed with a thump in the sand to the side of the arena.“Out of bounds!” the announcer yelled immediately. “Sagar of Imfis wins!”The crowd roared.No sooner than he saw her hit the ground, a dread weight tugged down at Sagar's guts, and his head went foggy and dizzy.What was this feeling?Oh, poodoo.He hadn't recognised it at first because he wasn't used to feeling it.It was guilt.He had made the wrong decision.Had he? Hiuna had only been kissing him back in order to keep him pinned in place, hadn't she? Or had she?He sprinted across the arena floor to where she was standing up and brushing herself down, face set in grim fury.“Hiuna,” he said when he reached her, ignoring the announcer who was squawking something behind him. “I'm sorry!” The unfamiliar sound of his own apology astonished even himself, but he meant it. “I didn't mean to–”“Don't!” Hiuna burst out at him, voice atremble. She began to run towards the dugout, covering her face with her hands. Was she crying?“Wait!”Sagar ran after her, following her into the dugout. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sagaofthejewels.substack.com

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Urk heeft een vernieuwd gemeentewapen, inclusief de vertrouwde schelvis. Waar hebben we die vis eigenlijk aan te danken? In de nieuwste aflevering van De Urkerland Podcast belanden Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker via het wapen al snel in een complottheorie, die te maken heeft met de Noordoostpolder; toch al een rode draad dit keer. De aanzet tot het nieuwe Urker college kwam immers ook vanaf de bodem van de voormalige Zuiderzee. Sjaak Simonse (en z'n Ome Jan) hebben er subtiel hun stempel op gedrukt. En woon je nog wel op Urk als het kerkje van Tollebeek zowat op loopafstand ligt? Wat gebeurt er trouwens als de dominee van ons buurdorp zich op de fiets over Urk beweegt?

In de nieuwste De Urkerland Sportcast is sportondernemer en danscoach Herma Radewalt te gast. Deze enthousiaste plaatsgenoot is de oprichter van Sportcentrum KeepFit en blikt in het gesprek met Jelle Loosman en Klaas Ras terug op de ontstaansgeschiedenis van haar bedrijf. Herma vertelt over de hevige brand die op 9 oktober 2025 in het sportcentrum woedde, maar kijkt ook vooruit. De kracht van Urk, die ze daarna sterk mocht ervaren, blijft niet onbesproken. Verder komt een onuitputtelijke danscoach, het ontstaan van NNKS, de ‘vernieuwbouwing' van het pand aan de Vlaak en de toekomst van het bedrijf aan bod. Ook de dilemma's komen deze keer weer op tafel. 

In deze aflevering ontvangt Nathan de Vries actrice, theatermaker en cabaretier Isabelle (https://www.instagram.com/isabellekafando/) Kafando (https://www.instagram.com/isabellekafando/). Isabelle speelt momenteel de voorstelling Rof Daaimund (https://www.theater.nl/rof-daaimund).  De tips van Isabelle: Podcast: De zeven levens van Betty (https://podcastluisteren.nl/pod/De-zeven-levens-van-Betty) Toneel: Ada Ozdogan – The Imposter (https://orkater.nl/voorstelling/the-imposter) Musical: Stoornis of my life (https://stoornisofmylife.nl/) Cabaret: Bro's met bromens (https://www.instagram.com/wijzijnbros/) Tentoonstelling: In frequencies we can not name (https://brakkegrond.nl/agenda/801/in-frequencies-we-cannot-name-language-sound-silence) Museum: Buro Stedelijk (https://burostedelijk.nl/), Huis Marseille (https://huismarseille.nl/) Openbare kunst: De Orka op Urk (https://www.orkaopurk.nl/) Recent album + liedje: FAMME – Leys (https://open.spotify.com/album/2vjWX8DJJVEYT4fuVide4s?si=5437d4ef7f6b401e&nd=1&dlsi=a2cfe543dcf3450f), Jamais Aankomend concert: Bad Bunny (https://www.mojo.nl/concerten/bad-bunny) Festival: Designweek Eindhoven (https://ddw.nl/) Nu in de bioscoop: The Making of Jeugd van Tegenwoordig (https://3voor12.vpro.nl/artikelen/overzicht/2026/februari/The-Making-of-De-Jeugd-van-Tegenwoordig.html) Film op streaming: The Substance (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt17526714/) Docu: Secret of the Whales (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12824750/) Club/uitgaansavond: CHAMOS (https://www.instagram.com/wearechamos/) Kindercultuur: Welkom in de middeleeuwen (https://schooltv.nl/programma/welkom-in-de-middeleeuwen/afleveringen) Gratis: Vondelpark openluchttheater (https://www.openluchttheater.nl/) Een andere culturele favoriet: Peper en Zuur (https://peperzuur.nl/) Heb je cultuurtips die we niet mogen missen? Mail de redactie: eenuurcultuur@vpro.nl

Stel je voor dat een grote groep katholieke Duitsers op Urk een St. Johann-momentje zouden willen beleven. Zou dat mogelijk zijn? Het is een van de vragen die Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker bespreken in de nasleep van de krokusvakantie. Verder komen de verkiezingen uiteraard weer aan bod tijdens de meest recente podcast van Het Urkerland. Hoe doen de partijen het? Wat kunnen we nog verwachten in aanloop naar woensdag 18 maart? Wel is duidelijk dat er één partij is waarover het deze keer beslist niet moet gaan. De mannen staan ook nog even stil bij het verbijsterende nieuws dat Urk ook op lange termijn niet kan rekenen op extra water.

Met advocaat Hans Bügel en kerkrechtdeskundige Leon van den Broeke. Mag je als christen je eigen broeders en zusters voor de rechter slepen? De lokale Christelijke Gereformeerde Kerken van Lelystad en Hasselt zien geen andere oplossing dan een kort geding tegen hun zusterkerk Eben Haëzer op Urk. Ook al waarschuwt Paulus ertegen (1 Korintiërs 6) en zet het de spanningen in het scheurende kerkgenootschap nog verder op scherp. Hans is advocaat van Lelystad en Hasselt. Hij legt uit waarom procederen soms onvermijdelijk is. En waarom dat niet on-christelijk hoeft te zijn. ‘Dit is juist om de vrede te herstellen.' Over de vraag of je als christen naar de rechter mag stappen, hebben christenen altijd veel nagedacht, vertelt Leon. Hij somt opvallende zaken van de laatste jaren op, waarbij kerken betrokken waren. Meest tragisch was misschien wel onlangs de zaak van de hersteld-hervormde dominee Willem Jan op ‘t Hof tegen zijn kerk in Driedorp. Het overlijdensbericht van de predikant en oud-hoogleraar kwam op dezelfde dag als het bericht dat deze rechtszaak zou worden voortgezet.  Eerdere afleveringen van Dick & Daniël over de CGK: #54 Gaan de Christelijke Gereformeerde Kerken uit elkaar vallen? https://open.spotify.com/episode/3rcSN0yy8MO30k8TiuKHK4?si=AymTAR-dT9WP20Muoc1gjg #160 Waarom de kans groot is dat de Christelijke Gereformeerde Kerken gaan scheuren https://open.spotify.com/episode/4dhqCkO490VrZ5ZBDPo77g?si=L8I4N9YsQXaFBY2TqtsZqA #174 Wat vrouwen zelf eigenlijk vinden van de vrouwendiscussie in de Christelijke Gereformeerde Kerken https://open.spotify.com/episode/4tEZDycqAU6Ly3FK8aSc9x?si=JFaqIJQnSTacRkMYxso9Qw #187 Gaat deze oplossing de Christelijke Gereformeerde Kerken redden? https://open.spotify.com/episode/7gbaZCOkV3zmi7m9SLPUN0?si=-xbAHC53Szm3bompjijaKg #208 De Christelijke Gereformeerde Kerken storten in. Hoe moet het verder? https://open.spotify.com/episode/3sO3yjK78loEWCnsxz836I?si=Z1AZOcGhTZ-UivprLh6hLw #226 Het is zover: de Christelijke Gereformeerde Kerken zijn gescheurd. Wat betekent dit voor gewone kerkleden? https://open.spotify.com/episode/6iX3ar0oV6kwRtVhNgYTqw?si=o3u8jtg4SfihXU5zPTbT9Q

Albert Brouwer verblijft momenteel in de Franse Alpen en Jelle Bakker zit op de redactie van de krant. Daarom bespreken de heren deze keer telefonisch het laatste nieuws met elkaar. Het zijn vooral de aanstaande verkiezingen die hen bezighouden. De een na de andere partij geeft duidelijkheid over de kandidaten. Tegelijk zijn er ook partijen die daar wel druk mee bezig zijn maar nog steeds geen helderheid kunnen geven over wie er in maart gekozen kan worden. Daarnaast is er aandacht voor de mannen van Hart voor Urk, die met behulp van een podcast (met beeld) de aanval op 'ze' geopend hebben. Brouwer en Bakker nemen daarnaast ook even de tijd om het te hebben over de diverse trieste en zorgelijke berichten van de laatste paar dagen.

Op' Urk staat het hoofdkwartier van de Nederlandse Vereniging voor Medische Geschiedenis. In loodsen vol met leerboeken, studiematerialen, medische instrumenten en objecten wordt de geschiedenis van de geneeskunde, verloskunde en verpleegkunde in Nederland verzameld en bestudeerd. Wij mochten op die magische plek in gesprek met Mart van Lieburg, Marten van Wijhe en Frits Schuitemaker om te praten over de geschiedenis van ons mooie vak, de longgeneeskunde. Luister mee naar Met Volle Teugen - de medische podcast voor longartsen, Aios en iedereen met liefde voor het vak.

Užsienio reikalų komiteto (URK) pirmininkas Remigijus Motuzas sako, jog įvertinusios Rusijos opozicionieriaus Leonido Volkovo teiginius šalies tarnybos turėtų atsakyti, ar jis gali toliau būti Lietuvoje.

Pak de poeiermelk en kerstkransjes er maar bij, plof op de bank en laat dit voorleesverhaal van Het Urkerland in je oren klinken. Redacteur Andy Wernke neemt je mee naar 1952, het jaar waarin een verhalenserie verscheen over 'De barre en wondervolle tocht van 1867'. Het verhaal is van Fokke Post, die als 11-jarige jongen een hachelijk avontuur meemaakte. Lukt het ze om met kerst weer op Urk te zijn?

Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker spreken elkaar misschien wel voor de laatste keer in 2025. Ze hebben veel te bespreken. Over een plaatsgenoot die ondanks een flinke val in Frankrijk de moed erin houdt. Over een enorme berg stenen die in de haven gekieperd wordt en over de decembermaand die op Urk bekend is komen te staan als culinaire marathon. Het onderwerp dat dit keer echter de meeste aandacht vergt, is het veelbesproken interview met Christiaan Wolff Mitchell-van Dijk, sinds kort remonstrants predikant in Leiden en Alphen aan den Rijn. Het stuk in de krant van vorige week leverde een golf aan zeer uiteenlopende reacties op. Hoe gaat de redactie daarmee om? En welke overwegingen speelden een rol bij het besluit om dit verhaal te publiceren? In deze podcast worden ook de laatste Urkerland-mokwinnaars bekendgemaakt. De prijzen kunnen tijdens kantooruren worden afgehaald op Het Spijk 4.

Dick en Daniël smeden nu al plannen voor 2026. Wat vind jij als luisteraar? Welke onderwerpen moeten zij oppakken? En wie wil jij dat er aanschuift? Denk mee op nd.nl/denkmee en win een boekenpakket! Te gast zijn CGK-dominees Alwin Uitslag en Cees-Jan Smits. Ze staan hetzelfde in het geloof en óók in de gevoelige discussies als over de vrouw in het ambt. Ze willen allebei christelijk-gereformeerd blijven, en zouden zo samen avondmaal kunnen vieren. En toch horen ze straks niet meer bij hetzelfde kerkverband. De scheuring van de Christelijke Gereformeerde Kerken was al een tijdlang aanstaande, maar is nu een feit. Hoe kon dat zo mis gaan? Alwin, dominee op Urk en lid van de ‘Rijnsburg-groep' en Cees-Jan, dominee in Papendrecht en vastbesloten om ‘gewoon christelijk-gereformeerd' te blijven, gaan daarover met Dick en Daniël in gesprek. En met elkaar. ‘Hoe ver gaat de liefde dan volgens jou?', vraagt Alwin aan Cees-Jan. ‘Is een onderdeel daarvan elkaar ook niet de waarheid zeggen?' Bij Cees-Jan overheerst het verdriet. Hij hoopt intussen maar dat de scheurende christelijk-gereformeerden een ‘wakeup-call' voor de gereformeerde gezindte zijn. ‘Misschien dat een onafhankelijke, derde partij eens met ons kan meekijken? Zelf komen we er niet meer uit.'

Hoe raakte Anja Keuter ooit in de politiek verzeild? Jelle Bakker denkt het antwoord te hebben en haalt in De Urkerland Podcast een verhaal op over een onbegrijpelijke miskleun van de gemeente. Verbaasd hoort Albert Brouwer het verhaal aan. Hoe kan het dat er geen belletje gaat rinkelen? In hun gesprek gaan Brouwer en Bakker ook nog even in op een bijzonder gesprek met een groep Urkers: 25 jaar geleden keken ze vooruit naar het jaar 2025. De verwachting was destijds dat Urk dan toch zeker een eigen ziekenhuis zou hebben. Onlangs keken ze terug op toen én vooruit naar 2050. Een andere opvallende bijeenkomst was een reünie van een groep predikanten. Maar die ene dominee was er niet bij.

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Liath and Little PP start heading towards the old factory on the other side of the jungle. Before they get too far, a random sky car falls into the tree above.A birdman named Urk falls out of the tree and agrees to help them on their journey, but something's not right on this island.Can they figure out how to start up this once prominent factory? Who the hell can speak Elvish in this party? And what the hell is a Sim? Find out now on Botched Podcast!We now have a PO Box! Wanna send us something? PO BOX 3178 Gettysburg, PA 17325All of our previous seasons can be found on our new channel!⁠⁠⁠⁠Botched Archives⁠⁠⁠⁠!A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can take our show on the road! Check out our store over at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Botched Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ where you can find tshirts, stickers, pint glasses and more!Give us a 5 star review on Itunes. Doing so will help the show grow, but we will also read out whatever you write at the end of one of our episodes!Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at ⁠BotchedPodcast@gmail.com⁠Follow us on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, subscribe on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, like us on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.You can watch the show live on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!Check out each of the hosts' Twitch streams! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dennis⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Phil⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tristan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Hosts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dennis⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Phil⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tristan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Steve⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Editor: Philip D Keating And Dennis RobinsonProducer: Phil and DennisExecutive Producers: ⁠⁠⁠⁠James Thatcher⁠⁠⁠⁠, Chronic Ejac, Jim Beverly,Disgruntled Furniture, Chris Wisdom, ShinigamiSPQR,  Jayson Haiss, Toaster Bath and Scabby GoosePublisher: Phil and DennisArt by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Emily Swan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Gozer⁠

Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker becommentariëren in de nieuwste aflevering van De Urkerland Podcast twee weken waarin op Urk heel erg veel gebeurde. Allereerst een zeer pijnlijke zaak, die op Urk veel emoties oproept. Achter de schermen vonden diverse journalistieke afwegingen plaats. Daarnaast maakt Urk zich druk over kost, over gevaarlijke havenkades en werd met enig ongemak uitgekeken naar de intocht van de Sint. Brouwer en Bakker delen alvast een cadeautip: een boek dat leest als een trein.

Maandag 15 mei 2023. Op het IJsselmeer wordt vroeg in de ochtend een onbemande catamaran gevonden. De zeilen staan nog op, maar van de schipper ontbreekt elk spoor. Terwijl meerdere KNRM-stations uitrukken voor een zoekactie, probeert redder Henk Jan uit Enkhuizen zich voor te bereiden op wat hij vreest: opnieuw een fatale afloop. Wat niemand weet, is dat de eigenaar van de catamaran — Jacco Baak — al uren in het water ligt, na een val overboord. Drijvend gehouden door zijn reddingsvest zwemt hij tegen de golfslag richting Urk. In deze aflevering hoor je redder en slachtoffer. Ze vertellen over die nacht op het IJsselmeer, waarin uithoundingsvermogen en verrassing een enorme rol speelden. Het verhaal laat zien wat het met een redder kan doen als een zoekactie wél goed afloopt.

Verder winst voor Almere City FC en renovatie bedrijventerrein Urk.[oproep]Omroep Flevoland praat je elke ochtend bij via de bekende podcastkanalen. Zo zijn we te vinden op Apple Podcasts en Spotify. Zoek op Dit is Flevoland[/oproep] [oproep]Dit gesprek is uitgezonden in het programma Flevoland is Wakker! Elke werkdag tussen 06:00 en 09:00 uur te zien en te horen bij Omroep Flevoland. Tips? Stuur een e-mail.[/oproep]

Over een week gaat de rechtszaak van Marco Borsato van start, waar de zanger lang naartoe heeft geleefd. Volgens Evert Santegoeds zal de zanger uitgebreid antwoord gaan geven op vragen. Donderdag zitten Suzan en Freek bij Eva aan tafel. Het is hun eerste tv-optreden sinds ze het verschrikkelijke nieuws te horen hebben gekregen. Ondertussen ergert Jordi Versteegden zich aan de hoeveelheid politiek op televisie. Is het luiheid van die redacties om alleen maar politici uit te nodigen? Verder in deze nieuwe Strikt Privé: bonje tussen Greetje en Teun uit Urk en Israël is 'geboycot' bij Het Grote Songfestivalfeest op 20 november.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In deze aflevering duiken Barend Baarssen en Jan-Willem Steur in de verrassende synergie tussen IBM Maximo en de motor van Ronald Teijken. Wat begint als een onderhoudsverhaal, ontvouwt zich tot een reis vol inzichten over asset management, slimme dashboards en de kracht van storytelling.Jan-Willem legt uit wat Maximo is, en neemt ons mee in de nieuwste features van versie 9.1 — waaronder de innovatieve AI Agents. Hij laat zien hoe hij Ronalds motor heeft opgenomen in Maximo en hoe je via dashboards waardevolle inzichten kunt verkrijgen. Als kers op de taart heeft hij ook de Orka uit Urk, een lokaal project van Barend, in Maximo gezet. Een aflevering vol techniek, filosofie en een flinke dosis creativiteit.

Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker bespreken in de recentste aflevering van De Urkerland Podcast opnieuw de plaatselijke actualiteiten. Daarbij uiteraard aandacht voor wat een vlag los kon maken op Urk. De heren bespreken de nasleep van een rellerig filmpje en proberen te duiden wat de kwestie losmaakt op Urk. Met ook aandacht voor de bijzondere dynamiek tussen minderheid en meerderheid, zowel landelijk als plaatselijk. Daarnaast worden dit keer twee kleine monumenten opgericht voor vaste columnisten van Het Urkerland. Want: wat kunnen juist zij de ontwikkelingen op ons dorp goed duiden. Na alle serieuze bespiegelingen eindigen de twee jubelend. Want ook daarvoor was dit keer alle aanleiding.

Ter ere van het tachtigjarig jubileum van Het Urkerland voer De Zuiderzee op vrijdag 19 september de Urker haven uit, met een grote groep lezers aan boord. Tussen de bedrijvigheid door ging oud-hoofdredacteur Albert Brouwer in gesprek met diverse plaatsgenoten. De korte gesprekken, die op een drukbezette boot gevoerd worden, gaan over de band met de krant, met Urk en met elkaar. Ondanks de korte conversaties komen er rijke verhalen op tafel. Het gaat over vroeger en nu, over het gezinsleven en over wat er in al die jaren is veranderd. Zussen Anna Kapitein-Weerstand en Trijntje de Vries-Weerstand, familie Ten Napel, Willem van Slooten en Albert en Dina Koffeman passeren de revue.

Urk gaat opnieuw door een periode van rouw en groot verdriet. Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker staan er in de podcast van Het Urkerland ook bij stil. Een overgang naar andere onderwerpen is haast niet te maken. Toch komen nog diverse andere onderwerpen ter sprake. Het SGP-idee voor een nieuwe grote speeltuin bijvoorbeeld. Zit er muziek in dat nostalgisch getinte plan? Daarnaast ruim aandacht voor de reconstructie die het Nederlands Dagblad onlangs publiceerde over een gezin dat opgeofferd zou zijn voor de rust op Urk. Het stuk en de vervolgartikelen roepen serieuze vragen op bij de heren, die beiden geabonneerd zijn op dit christelijke dagblad. Bij een van hen ontlokt de bespreking uiteindelijk een stevige kwalificatie: ,,Skoftig!"

De pop-up redactie van Het Urkerland streek woensdag neer in café Het Haventje van Urk. Redacteur Ruben Romkes ging in gesprek met uiteenlopende gasten. Meindert Kramer en Jacqueline van der Lee vertellen over de maatregelen die vanuit de horeca zijn getroffen voor de Urker jeugd, en Gerrit Post deelt zijn ervaringen als centrummanager van het Oude Dorp. Greetje Hakvoort schuift aan om te praten over haar televisiecarrière, en Jan Anker, ambassadeur van Urk, werpt zijn licht op het toerisme op ons dorp.

  Deze week hebben we een bijzondere gast in de podcast: Elze van Hamelen. Elze is onderzoeksjournalist en auteur van De Grote Verbouwing van Nederland. In dit gesprek neemt ze ons mee in de verborgen agenda's achter de energietransitie, de omgevingswet en internationale verdragen. Waar de overheid praat over duurzaamheid en natuur, ziet Elze vooral een sluipend proces van onteigening, digitalisering en verlies van vrijheid.   In deze podcast:

In aflevering #42 van De Bedrijfsjurist spreken we met Maaike van Urk, Director Business Affairs bij Talpa Studios. Maaike vertelt in deze aflevering hoe ze met frisse tegenzin rechten ging studeren, onverwacht haar loopbaan begon bij de receptie van Filmnet en al na één maand promoveerde naar Legal & Business Affairs. Inmiddels heeft ze bijna 30 jaar ervaring in de media en werkt ze dagelijks aan internationale partnerships en formatdeals. We praten over haar keuzes en successen: van een spontaan start-up avontuur in Londen tot een pittige arbitrage in Hongkong. Maaike deelt openhartig wat ze leerde van een pijnlijke fout en legt uit waarom flexibiliteit, creativiteit én een gezonde dosis lef onmisbaar zijn, óók voor juristen die van zekerheid houden. Tot slot deelt Maaike haar kijk op hoe AI vernieuwing brengt in de bedrijfsjuridische afdeling.

Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker zijn terug van vakantie. In de nieuwste aflevering van De Urkerland Podcast blikken ze terug op een mooie zomer, met een nieuwsaanbod dat op het eerste oog nogal mager was. De mannen praten elkaar bij over de afgelopen vakantieweken en over hoe het was om weer terug te keren op Urk. Het eerste dat opviel was dat de Singel nu weer geopend is voor verkeer. Tja, wat vinden we ervan? En hoe kan het toch dat als je Urkers vraagt om een bijzonder Urker woord in te leveren, er vooral woorden komen die met eten te maken hebben? Het levert in elk geval een smakelijke anekdote op. In deze aflevering worden ook de zevende en achtste winnaar van de Urkerland-mok bekendgemaakt.

Verder nieuw café met aandacht op Urk en Almere City FC moet nog op stoom komen.[oproep]Omroep Flevoland praat je elke ochtend bij via de bekende podcastkanalen. Zo zijn we te vinden op Apple Podcasts en Spotify. Zoek op Dit is Flevoland[/oproep] [oproep]Dit gesprek is uitgezonden in het programma Flevoland is Wakker! Elke werkdag tussen 06:00 en 09:00 uur te zien en te horen bij Omroep Flevoland. Tips? Stuur een e-mail.[/oproep]

Een andere Urkerland Podcast dan men gewend is deze keer. Het heeft alles te maken met het vreselijke nieuws over het ongeval zondagmorgen vroeg, waarbij twee jonge Urkers om het leven kwamen. ,,Sommigen willen stilte, anderen willen het verdriet delen met elkaar. Urk is opnieuw hard geraakt.'' Verder spreken de mannen over het stoppen per 1 juli van Albert Brouwer als hoofdredacteur, en wat dat voor De Urkerland Podcast betekent. Tot slot nog aandacht voor een uniek Urker woord.

In Schaduwdorp van Thysia Huisman keert programmamaker Charlie terug naar haar duistere geboortedorp Urk, waar ze een crimineel netwerk ontdekt en alles riskeert voor de waarheid. Uitgegeven door Xander Uitgevers B.V. Spreker: Christel Schimmel

Het is bijzonder om te zien hoe Urker mannen soms met hun emoties om kunnen gaan. In de nieuwste podcast van Het Urkerland noemen Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker een paar mooie voorbeelden. Dat de vrouw op bijna alle terreinen de baas is op Urk, wordt nog eens bevestigd. Voor de rest komen de fietsende dominees weer voorbij, en is het even de vraag of De Urkerland Podcast ook in de toekomst door zal gaan.

Verder: Bewoners bijgepraat over nieuwe weg tussen A6 en Urk en City-directeur denkt dat Almere in 2026-2027 weer in de eredivisie speelt.[oproep]Omroep Flevoland praat je elke ochtend bij via de bekende podcastkanalen. Zo zijn we te vinden op Apple Podcasts, Spotify en Deezer. Zoek op Dit is Flevoland[/oproep] [oproep]Dit gesprek is uitgezonden in het programma Flevoland is Wakker! Elke werkdag tussen 06:00 en 09:00 uur te zien en te horen bij Omroep Flevoland. Tips? Stuur een e-mail.[/oproep]

Foreign minister Casper Veldkamp finally draws a red line over Israel's intervention in Gaza, but will it be the fault line that ruptures the coalition? The conflict is also the focus of protests at ceremonies to mark the 80th anniversary of the end of the Second World War. But at least one of the coalition parties has something to celebrate, as MEPs vote to downgrade the protected status of the wolf. And the close-knit fishing community of Urk launches a scheme to find former residents who were lost at sea.

Sommige Urkers blijken zich zorgen te maken over ‘de nieuwe Singel', de rechtgetrokken verkeersader tussen de Urkerweg en Staartweg. Nu de asfaltering van de weg gaat beginnen, werd er al geopperd: ,,Dan kunnen ze die weg mooi door Max Verstappen laten openen.'' Het is die Urker gevatheid die aan de orde komt in de nieuwe podcast van Het Urkerland, waarin Albert Brouwer en Jelle Bakker ook serieus ingaan op de wijze waarop Urk zou veranderen en de verschillen van mening daarover binnen ons dorp.

Met dominee Gerard van Zanden. Het is vijf jaar geleden dat de hele samenleving, inclusief de meeste kerken, op slot ging vanwege het coronavirus. Hebben christenen er goed aan gedaan zo veel mee te bewegen, kerkdiensten totaal digitaal te doen, en de ouderen en stervenden niet meer te bezoeken? Gerard, tegenwoordig predikant op Katwijk en in de coronajaren op Urk, vraagt het zich af. De coronamaatregelen van de overheid - adviezen voor de kerken - waren zinvol en nodig, maar over de houding van veel kerkgangers heeft Gerard zich verbaasd. ‘Jarenlang zongen we uit volle borst: ‘Nu jaagt de dood geen angst meer aan', maar dan komt er een pandemie en zijn we allemaal doodsbang.' Op Urk gingen de kerken vaak hun eigen gang ten opzichte van de adviezen. Gerard legt uit waarom dat over het algemeen prima kon en verstandig was. Wat hem als dominee het meest heeft geraakt, is het afscheid van een stervende vrouw terwijl hij helemaal in een plastic pak was ingepakt. ‘Was ik maar meer zoals Jezus. Hij had haar aangeraakt.' Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Paul Buitink spreekt met Ab Flipse over de Nederlandse politiek & economie, de EU en het steeds verder verzwakkende Duitsland. Volgens Ab is Nederland "penny wise, pound foolish". Ab beweert dat onze politici met ‘peanuts' bezig zijn terwijl ze de tientallen miljarden die naar de green deal, oorlog in Oekraïne en het Coronafonds gaan ongemoeid laten. Ab denkt dat we grote problemen als overregulering in ons land niet op de gebruikelijke manier kunnen oplossen, maar dat we met een kapmes door het beleid moeten. Brussel moeten we volgens hem negeren en we moeten onze eigen keuzes gaan maken. Als we niet zoals Javier Milei de kettingzaag pakken, dan lossen we het niet op. Ook bespreken ze de neergang van Duitsland, dat het economisch zwaar heeft en volgens Ab de weg kwijt is. Duitsland schiet zichzelf in de voet met het energie- en klimaatbeleid en de Russische sancties. Volgens Ab maken we momenteel een van de gevaarlijkste periodes mee. Ze bespreken de nucleaire dreiging en de situatie in Oekraïne. Ab vindt dat we moeten de-escaleren. Daarnaast bespreken ze het belang van voorbereid zijn, zelfvoorzienendheid en plan B. Ab geeft een voorbeeld van een gezin dat autonoom leeft maar zich niet als kluizenaar heeft afgezonderd van de maatschappij. Tot slot ziet Ab dat de verzorgingsstaat aan het afbrokkelen is en kan verdwijnen omdat het niet meer te betalen is. Ook onze pensioenen zijn niet zeker. Lees meer over het evenement van Ab: http://gryp.it/radically-ready-urk Overweegt u om goud en zilver aan te kopen? Dat kan via de volgende website: https://bit.ly/3xxy4sY Twitter: @Hollandgold:   / hollandgold   @paulbuitink:   / paulbuitink   Timestamps 00:00 Intro 03:50 Nederlandse politiek, economie & migratie 16:11 Neergang Duitsland 19:16 Klimaat & politiek 23:55 Oorlog & veiligheid 33:13 Goud, zelfvoorzienendheid en plan B 39:10 Afbrokkelende verzorgingsstaat en pensioenen 42:04 Urk & GRYP Let op: Holland Gold vindt het belangrijk dat iedereen vrijuit kan spreken. Wij willen u er graag op attenderen dat de uitspraken die worden gedaan door de geïnterviewde niet persé betekenen dat Holland Gold hier achter staat. Alle uitspraken zijn gedaan op persoonlijke titel door de geïnterviewde en dragen zo bij aan een breed, kleurrijk en voor de kijker interessant beeld van de onderwerpen. Zo willen en kunnen wij u een transparante bijdrage en een zo volledig mogelijk inzicht geven in de economische marktontwikkelingen. Al onze video's zijn er enkel op gericht u te informeren. De informatie en data die we presenteren kunnen verouderd zijn bij het bekijken van onze video's. Onze video's zijn geen financieel advies. U alleen kunt bepalen hoe het beste uw vermogen kunt beleggen. U draagt zelf de risico's van uw keuzes. Bekijk onze website: https://www.hollandgold.nl

Brussenveelo.nl In deze dinsdagaflevering hebben Bert Brussen & Roderick Veelo het over o.a.: - De impact van immigratie en lage verkiezingsopkomst in Nederland; - Politieke provocaties door Pepijn van Houwelingen en Thierry Baudet; - Sobibor-herdenking in Amsterdam: - Internationale spanningen rond antisemitisme en intersectionaliteit: PLUS: In een daad van solidariteit toont Urk steun aan de Joodse gemeenschap door een motie tegen antisemitisme in te dienen!

In this episode, Ryan and MEZ talk about the journey of Ghazghkull and his rise to greatness as the prophet of Gork and Mork, and how he took charge of all the ork clans on Urk! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iteratorsoftheimperium/message

Greetje Hakvoort bij Andy in de auto! Al jarenlang de ster van de hit Reality-serie Urk! Onlangs gescheiden van haar man na een 13e -jarige huwelijk. Staat nu weer super positief in het leven en is nog steeds te bewonderen in de serie. Leuke, gezellige vrouw en mooi om deze Topper in de auto te hebben!

(1) Obesitas verandert ook de hersenen (2) Het Ontbreekwoord (3) Urk, het meest gelovige dorp van Nederland, is een draaischijf in de Europese drughandel. Middagjournaal van Bas Birker

In this episode of the Talking Lead Podcast we continue our coverage of the 2023 SHOT Show from the “Official Leadquaters” of KelTec. To kick off this round of interviews Lefty is joined by Dwight Settle owner of SEAL 1 to introduce their new Universal Rifle and Pistol cleaning kits. The SEAL 1 URK and UPK includes everything you need to keep your firearms clean, accurate and … Talking Lead 471 – Black Rambo; US Arms Co; Tactical Rx; SLNT Read More »

https://chtbl.com/track/118312/traffic.libsyn.com/secure/talkinglead/TLP_471_BRambo_USArmsCo_TacRx_SLNT_Seal_1.mp3 In this episode of the Talking Lead Podcast we continue our coverage of the 2023 SHOT Show from the "Official Leadquaters" of KelTec. To kick off this round of interviews Lefty is joined by Dwight Settle owner of SEAL 1 to introduce their new Universal Rifle and Pistol cleaning kits. The SEAL 1 URK and UPK includes everything you need to keep your firearms clean, accurate and corrosive resistant. Next up is Bret Hunter with Tactical Rx to talk about their new eye protection offerings and Arron Zar with SLNT to tell us about their patented line of Faraday bags. Wrapping up this episode is a wild one. We have the guys with US Arms Company drop by to talk about their new Azrael Bolt Action Rifle and their new M905 muzzle device that reduces recoil by 95%. To help them introduce the new products Black Rambo joins us along with Mark Choppa and Jeff Hornsby. Black Rambo talks about his appearance on the new season of Swamp People! Talking Lead Podcast - "Leaducating The Unleaducated" since 2012 US Arms Co, Mark Choppa, Lefty, Black Rambo, Jeff Hornsby SLNT, Lefty, Tactical Rx Seal 1 CLP

Opening theme by Logan Howard Zine Give-Away blog post 20. The Desert Moon of Karth, Joel Hines, 2021. [Discussed on Between Two Cairns.] Small moon sandbox for Mothership with a space-western feel. 21. Low Country Crawl, John Gregory, 2019. Southern Gothic (US) OSR goodness. 22. Mudwarren Alley, Jennifer "Moonpoison" & Evelyn Moreau, 2018. Collaborative OSR, copiously-illustrated dungeon. Fun, weird, and evocative. 23. Mothership (signed), Sean McCoy, 2018. Bought by me at Gen Con 2018 and signed by Sean on site. Popular horror-survival-SF RPG. This is the original zine edition. 24. Dead Planet, Fiona Maeve Geist, Donn Stroud, Sean McCoy, 2018. "A violent incursion into the land of the living for the MOTHERSHIP Sci-Fi Horror Roleplaying Game." 25. Cosmic Crawl, Evelyn Moreau, 2018. Lovecraftian astral goodness with EM's awesome illustrations. 26. Lighthouse at the End of the Universe, Ella Lim, 2021? Contemplative solo RPG about ... (the titel). 27. The Eternal Caverns of Urk (mini), Nate Treme, 2019. "A procedural science fantasy underground" with it's own system, Tunnel Goons. Caverns of Urk solo play 28. The Temple of the Blood Moth, Jacob Butcher, 2019. [Discussed on Between Two Cairns.] OSR goodness/weirdness. 29. Mutants of Ixx (trifolds), Karl Stjernberg, 2019? Gamma world style hack using Into the Odd mechanics. 30. Cairn, Yochai Gal, 2021? An original, new school revolution adventure game. Cairn Capsule Review BONUS: Apocalypse World PROTOTYPES - four pocket mods handed to me by Vincent Baker at his house after a night of playing 3:16 in the year of our Lord 2007. The origins of PbtA! Emotional Damage Epic Moment by Kirk Osamayo --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/plundergrounds/message

Inspired by the classic 1920s Shudder Pulps, a mad scientist has captured a set of victims and forces them to play his hideous game!  Warning:  Mature themes and brutal violence- Seriously Three men, chained in a dungeon!  Beautiful women in peril!  An evil genius doctor!  Villanous minions! Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Garth Jenkins - Chris Stockett Klaus Heinz - Lothar Tuppan Luigi Marconi - David Collins-Rivera Dr. Chnossos - Chris Stockett Grace - Risa Torres Nathalia - Tanja Milojevic Amelie - Julie Hoverson Susanne - Sara Falconer Helga and Oda - Julie Hoverson Mongrel Henchmen - Danar Hoverson & Reynaud LeBoeuf With thanks to The Vault of Evil - where I encountered the dreaded Shudder Pulps!!! Music by Conspiracy (via Jamendo) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a dank dungeon room, sometime in the 1920s, can't you tell?"   **************************************************************************** TROPHY CASE Cast: Garth Jenkins, American athlete 25 Klaus Heinz, Prussian pilot 27 Luigi Marconi, Italian strong man 30 Dr. Chnossos - wheelchair nutjob 60 Amelie, French girl 20 Nathalia, Russian girl 20 Grace, British girl 20 Susanne, American girl 20 Helga, German girl 20 Oda, Swedish girl 20 MONGREL HENCHMEN [any age] OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a dank dungeon room, in the early 1920s, can't you tell?  ROOM WITH BOX, TEASER MUSIC SOUND    DOOR SLAMS GARTH    See if there's something to bar the door with! AMELIE    I can't see - it's too dim in 'ere! SOUND    [outside]  YELLS!  THUMPING ON DOOR GARTH    [grunts, holding door shut] ODA    They are right behind us! NATHALIA    We should kill them.  Then they will never catch us. GARTH    We gotta try and stay ahead of them. GRACE    There's a box over here! GARTH    Can you move it in front of the door? GRACE    Help me, someone! ODA    [plaintive] Is it heavy? GRACE    It's big.  Need to get it away from the wall. ODA    [uncertain] I'll help. SOUND    GRIND OF WOOD ON STONE GRACE and ODA    [grunt, pushing] SOUND    SWOOSH OF BLADE ODA    [SCREAM, gurgle] GRACE    [Scream of fear] SOUND    BODY DROPS ODA    [whimpers, expires] GRACE    [covering mouth, trying to stop screaming] NATHALIA    [excited, but not afraid]  She is dead! GRACE    [hiccuppy gasp, gets control]  That blade just came out of the wall when we pushed the box! AMELIE    [to Grace] You come with me.  We will 'old the door and let monsieur look.  [up to him]  Je ne sais - eh - we do not even know your name! GARTH    Garth.  Garth Jenkins.  AMELIE    I am Amelie.  [hinting] And this is--? GRACE    [almost composed again, but still sniffling] Grace.  I can't believe it.  [starting to lose it again] How could something like that... happen..? AMELIE    'ere.  Lean on the door with me. GARTH    Well...  Stay back, ladies. NATHALIA    I can see perfectly well from here. GARTH    Ok.  She's dead, all right.  That blade must have been on a tripwire of some kind. NATHALIA    It cut her nearly in half. AMELIE    What is this tripwire you speak of? GARTH    A trap.  He said there would be traps.  I guess you need to know why we're here... MUSIC FLASHBACK DUNGEON SOUND     CHAIN, SCUFFLE, ECHO, DRIP LUIGI    [muttered, in pain] Mamma mia! GARTH    Wowsers.  My aching head. KLAUS    [snort of indignation] SOUND    CHAINS RATTLE LUIGI    Hey now!  This is an outrage!  Who are you to do this-a to me! GARTH    Do what?  I can't see a thing.  What's someone doing? KLAUS    [calm, superior] Someone has locked us all in chains. CHNOSSOS [over intercom] Yes. [evil chuckle] You are all my prisoners. GARTH    Wowsers! LUIGI    It is an outrage! CHNOSSOS Yes, yes. I am outrageous.  GARTH    [to doc] You should let us go.  The American government won't like this one bit.  No sir. LUIGI    [to doc] You watch yourself, funny guy!  You come-a let us out now, and maybe we don't-a kill you dreadful! KLAUS    Shut up!  [they do] I wish to hear what this man has to say. CHNOSSOS Very good. I said I am your captor, and this is true.  GARTH    Hey! LUIGI    Outrage! CHNOSSOS I have brought you here to play my game. [evil chuckle] I thought that would silence you.  I am Doctor Chnossos.  Perhaps you have heard of me?  [waits, no reply, then grumpy]  Probably for the best.  I am a secretive genius.  [upbeat again] You see, I have it in mind to find the perfect male human specimen in the entire world, and have narrowed it down to you three. GARTH    Specimen?  I ain't no specimen! LUIGI    Mamma mia!  Look no further!  I am the strongest man alive!  No one can stand before me! KLAUS    [musing] Fascinating. CHNOSSOS Through exhaustive research, I have narrowed it down to you. Garth Jenkins, All-American football star, Olympic runner, and gold medal swimmer. GARTH    I can hold my breath for three minutes! CHNOSSOS Luigi Marconi, European strongman and champion wrestler. LUIGI    I snap you like a twig! CHNOSSOS And Klaus Heinz, fencing master, ace pilot, and big game hunter. GARTH    Really? LUIGI    Pilot, like the Red Baron? KLAUS    I see no point in denying it. CHNOSSOS The game is simple. See who makes it out of my little labyrinth alive. GARTH    Wowsers! KLAUS    Hmph. LUIGI    Santa Maria! CHNOSSOS There is only one exit. Somewhere out there in my maze.  And only one of you may leave.  [ominous] Ever. GARTH    You want us to... kill each other? LUIGI    I'm not-a that kind of feller. KLAUS    It could not be so simple. CHNOSSOS You are right. It is not that simple.  I do not care who dies, only who escapes.  Kill or do not kill - that is no concern of mine. GARTH    Good. CHNOSSOS BUT... whichever ones are left inside will surely die, for I will seal the door the minute an escape is made. KLAUS    Of course. LUIGI    Dios mio! CHNOSSOS And, of course, my beloved maze - it is full of traps! MUSIC Box room AMELIE    They 'ave stopped.  At the door. NATHALIA    Should we open the door and look? GARTH    I don't think so.  It could be a trap. GRACE    [cold] If what you say is true, this entire place is a trap.  I for one would rather die than fall into their hands, if they're anything like the fellows I saw [falters] before... before-- AMELIE    oh!  Moi aussi! GARTH    Nobody's dying! NATHALIA    [snort] GARTH    Nobody else! SUSANNE    [distant] [horrible screams!!!  THEY GO ON A LONG TIME] AMELIE    Mon dieu! NATHALIA    We need weapons. GRACE    I wish she would stop! GARTH    Well, I've checked everything I can think of on this box.  Looks like I can open it, though after what happened, I wish I had a good old pool cue or something to let me stay back. AMELIE    We will stay by the door.  GRACE     Out of your way. SOUND    SLOW CREAK OPEN BOX GARTH    I just wish I knew what that crazy doctor wants with-- [breaks off in surprise]  What the hay? NATHALIA    What is it? GARTH    The box is full of ... [a little worried] weapons. MUSIC FLASHBACK DUNGEON GARTH    Why in blazes are you doing this? CHNOSSOS As I said, I must see who is the most perfect male. Since you each have your own strengths-- LUIGI    Strength!  That is what I have. CHNOSSOS --there is no direct comparison except through competition. To begin with, those chains-- SOUND    CLANK, CLATTER AS CHAINS FALL AWAY CHNOSSOS --must come off. There is no contest in watching strong men starve to death.  Speak amongst yourselves.  I must go and prepare the next challenge. [evil laugh] SOUND    NOISE TO INDICATE SPEAKING SYSTEM IS OFF GARTH    You!  Fellows! KLAUS    Ja? LUIGI    Donchoo come-a no closer! GARTH    See here, we should work together.  If there's danger here, cooperation will be the best thing for it. KLAUS    [considering] But this voice - he said that only one can win. LUIGI    And that one - its'a gonna be me, by all the saints! GARTH    That's all fine and dandy, but right now we're just three fellers in a dark room.  Let's at least stick together til we find a way out.  Or some light. SOUND    DOOR GRATES OPEN KLAUS    I think you get both of your wishes. SOUND    KLAUS WALKS GARTH    Hey, not so fast!  It could be a trap! KLAUS    I think it is too early in the game for that.  No.  This is merely an opening move.  I will make the first counter move. SOUND    LUIGI GETS UP LUIGI    I'm-a gonna wait and see what happens to that bosch before I step up.  No sense a-both of us getting killed alla the same time, eh? GARTH    It looks safe ...so far. MUSIC BOX ROOM NATHALIA    Weapons?  Guns? GARTH    No, no guns.  Hold on.  SOUND    STUFF BEING MOVED, JUST A LITTLE GARTH    Huh. [almost a chuckle] A good old pool cue.  Stay back! AMELIE    Why?  Should we not 'elp? GARTH    I saw something move.  I'm gonna see what I can... SOUND    SOMETHING FLOPS ON THE FLOOR NATHALIA    A whip!  I'll take that. GARTH    You know how to use it? NATHALIA    I had a very unusual ... boyfriend. AMELIE    'Ow unusual? NATHALIA    [laugh]  Oh!  Your face!  He worked with the circus.  Trained animals. GRACE    I don't suppose there might be a riding crop in there?  I'm a dab hand with close cuts. GARTH    Stay back! SOUND    THUMP ON THE DOOR AMELIE    'Elp me 'old the door! GRACE    [grunt, she throws herself against the door]  Find us something we can use - quickly! SOUND    THUMP ON THE DOOR MUSIC dungeon CHNOSSOS Come in gentlemen. [evil chuckle] I can see that physical perfection is no guarantee of courage. LUIGI    I ain't-a no coward - donchoo say that! KLAUS    [from off] I think you had best come in here. GARTH    Come on. LUIGI    I'll a-go first. SOUND    WALKING GARTH    Holy moley! LUIGI    Santa Maria! KLAUS    Most charming, are they not?  Sleeping peacefully in their night shifts. GARTH    Look, here, you!  It's all very well to challenge us fellows, but this-- CHNOSSOS The six ladies you see before you are the most beautiful women in the world. LUIGI    You ain't a-kidding! CHNOSSOS You might recall a recent article about the loss, at sea, of the boat carrying the finalists in the world beauty pageant? GARTH    Jumping jehosephat! KLAUS    [aha] Of course! LUIGI    That explains-a everything! CHNOSSOS It was all a ruse - the boat DID sink, but not until I had "relieved" it of its lovely cargo. GARTH    And the rest of the passengers and crew? CHNOSSOS Unnecessary. They went down with the ship.  Couldn't have anyone left behind to inform the authorities of my presence, could I? KLAUS    What is the matter with the girls?  Why do they not awaken? CHNOSSOS Oh, it's been much easier to keep them drugged until now. They should be coming to any minute.  Before they do, I should tell you the rest of the rules of the game. LUIGI    Game?  This ain't-a no game! GARTH    Shh.  Let him talk. CHNOSSOS No one escapes without a woman. I need two perfect specimens - a male and a female. KLAUS    You sound like you plan to start a master race. CHNOSSOS I leave that to others. Each of you must choose one of the women for your companion.  LUIGI    What do we -uh- do with the girl? CHNOSSOS [juicy] Anything you like. But you must keep her alive until you find the exit. KLAUS    Do you have to keep the same woman?  CHNOSSOS Any woman will do. That's all the same to me. MUSIC BOX ROOM SOUND    THUMP ON DOOR! GRACE    They're going to get through any second SOUND    WHIP CRACK NATHALIA    [vicious, excited] Let them.  GARTH    Here's a knife, and - oh!  SOUND    THUMP OF KNIFE INTO BOX GARTH    Got it! SOUND     THUMP ON DOOR GRACE    [gasp, strain] Got WHAT? GARTH    Something spidery.  Probably poisonous - that's why I'm taking this kinda slow! SOUND    SPIKE COMES CRUNCHING THROUGH DOOR AMELIA    [gaspy scream]  Be more quick! NATHALIA    Let it open. GARTH    All right.  On three, both of you, move over there, quick!  I don't want to lose nobody else. SOUND    THUMP, CRASH! MUSIC dungeon GARTH    What about the others?  CHNOSSOS What? GARTH    The other girls.  There's six of them and only three of us.  What happens to the others? CHNOSSOS [nasty wicked] Don't worry. They won't be alone for long.  [evil chuckle] You think I run this place single-handed?  I have a horde of ..."men" just waiting to [insinuating] make the ladies' acquaintance. GARTH    You fiend! KLAUS    Very clever. LUIGI    You put this into our hands?  You make-a this all our fault! CHNOSSOS [taunting] Your fault? Why, no!  Think of it this way - you each get to save one of these ladies from their fate! GARTH    A fate worse than death! CHNOSSOS Just because those left behind are.... mmm... doomed. GARTH    Well, we won't leave any, will we?  [beat]  Will we? KLAUS    It will make it very difficult to succeed, herding a flock of women through a maze. LUIGI    I like-a the ladies, but they can be a little hard to manage. SOUND    GIRLS BEGIN TO WAKEN GARTH    You heels.  [up, to doc]  Hey!  What if we don't leave any of 'em behind?  What about that? CHNOSSOS You can make that choice if you want. And of course, should any of them die in the traps in this maze-- GARTH    Die? CHNOSSOS --and I assure you gentlemen, the traps are very very deadly! You might do well to take more than one, rather like a spare tire - since no one will make it out without a distaff partner. KLAUS    Nein.  GARTH    No, Six. KLAUS    [exasperated sigh, then "duh"] No.  I will burden myself with only one.  Easier to watch over.  AMELIE    [waking, very French]  Oh la la!  Ou et la? LUIGI     But how do you propose to choose who gets a-which a-one? GARTH    We should make up our minds now - before they all wake up and start a ruckus. NATHALIE    [russian-sounding mutter] KLAUS    I have already decided.  I will have this blonde one. SUSANNE    [waking up]  Oh!! GARTH    Why's that? KLAUS    Simple.  She is the smallest.  Easiest to carry, should something happen.  You, girl. SUSANNE    [gasp, American]  What?  Where am I? GARTH    Hey, you should leave her to me.  She's from the good old U-S of A! KLAUS    Too late.  Come with me, girl. SUSANNE    I don't want to-- KLAUS    [threatening] Do not argue with me.  This is a matter of life and death! CHNOSSOS Too right you are. For in five minutes, that green door on the far wall will open and a few of my choice minions will be let loose in this room.  And you know what will happen then... [evil chuckle] GARTH    Holy cats!  We better get a move on. LUIGI    But where a-do-a we go?  There's the dreadful green door, and the way-a we came in, and then--? SOUND    GRATING OF STONE KLAUS    How convenient.  Three doorways open.  Come girl.  I will keep you alive. SOUND    GRABS UP SUZANNE KLAUS    And we will make our exit, stage left. SUSANNE    But I don't understand! KLAUS    I will tell you all you need to know.  [commanding] Come! SOUND    THEY LEAVE AMELIE    And 'oo will tell us all we need to know? LUIGI    French?  Eh!  I have always favored French girls.  I'll take-a you. AMELIE    [defiant] Take-a me where?  I do not think so! LUIGI    [getting mad] Don't argue a-with-a me!  You won't-a getta better chance-a than this! GARTH    You better go, lady.  Bad things are gonna happen here. AMELIE    Huh!  And no bad tings will 'appen with thees fellow?  Hah! LUIGI    Atsa your bad-a luck, then.  You-- HELGA    Ja? LUIGI    Do notta speak.  Just come. SOUND    HUSTLES HER OFF AMELIE    Hmph.  Adieu. MUSIC BOX ROOM SOUND    MAN CHOKING GARTH    Leave off! NATHALIA    [with exertion] He would be doing worse to me, were our positions reversed! GARTH    We already killed three of them!  We should keep him alive, make him tell us how to get out of here! NATHALIA    Very well. [lets up, then hissed] You!  You will take us through the maze, or He will leave you to me again, and strangling you is NOT the most painful thing I can do with this whip. SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER MONGREL    [gasping] GRACE    Are we certain the others are dead? GARTH    Best as I can be.  AMELIA    I want 'is spear.  Anything to keep terrible things at arm's length. GRACE    I guess that leaves me the knife, unless you want to dig further into that box. SOUND    CREAK OF WOOD GRACE    The box!  It's tipping forward! GARTH    Dang it!  [to the captive] YOU!  Where do we go from here? MONGREL    [gibbers in his language] GARTH    Don't tell me he don't speak no English! AMELIA    If he does not speak, then he is no use!  NATHALIA    Da!  Then he is mine! MONGREL    No!  No! GRACE    There's an opening under the box - and the darkness!  It's moving! AMELIA    Spiders! NATHALIA    Bah!  A whip is useless against such as those - we must leave here! MUSIC DUNGEON GARTH    Gosh.  I can't leave any of you girls here alone.  That wouldn't be right. AMELIE    We can look after ourselves. NATHALIA    Speak for your own self!  I want him to look after me. ODA    Someone tell us, please, what it is that is going on? GRACE    Yes.  Can't you fill us in? GARTH    Not here, not now.  We gotta get moving - bad things are coming. GRACE    Bad things?  Could you be a bit more vague? AMELIE    [troubled] That voice over the intercom - it said that.  I think he is sincere. GARTH    We'll get a move on, and I can tell you as we go. ODA    You are taking her with you? GARTH    Darnitall, I'm taking all o' y'all. MUSIC HALLWAY, KLAUS SUSANNE    [distant, still screaming and gasping, and sobbing] KLAUS    Verdammt.  She must be behind the wall here, somewhere.  [noise as he kicks the wall] GRACE    [distant scream] KLAUS    My apologies, miss America.  But there remain other fish in the ocean. SOUND    HE WALKS AWAY FROM SUSANNE'S SCREAM MUSIC FLAShBACK TO BOAT SOUND    CALM OCEAN, DISTANT MUSIC SUSANNE    Gee, this is swell! AMELIE    You are recovered from your mal-de-mer? SUSANNE    One hundred percent!  Gosh, even seasick sounds so much nicer in French, don't it? AMELIE    [laughs] ODA    Oh, here is where you are!  It is almost time for the curfew.  AMELIE    I don't think it is so dangereuse, to steal a few more minutes of this lovely ocean air! SOUND    FEET APPROACH GRACE    Ah, I'm not the only one with a mind to an evening constitutional?  Makes one sleep quite soundly. SUSANNE    Is that another boat out there? AMELIE    [shrug] Eh.  There are innumerable boats in the ocean. SOUND    BELL SUSANNE    Yeah.  I swear it's coming right at us. ODA    [a bit worried] Oh, come along, we must obey the rules! SOUND    THEY WALK INSIDE, DOOR OPENS GRACE    You'll forget all about strange boats once you get around some warm milk, and tuck up for the night. MUSIC HALLWAY, LUIGI HELGA    I cannot move another step! LUIGI    [threatening] Ahhh!  You know what-a will happen to you if-a you don't! HELGA    [stifled sob] LUIGI    Open that door. HELGA    My hand is still bleeding from the last door! LUIGI    So.  You still have one-a good hand.  [growl] Open it. HELGA    [sobbing breath] LUIGI    [warning noise] HELGA    [takes deep trepidacious breath, pushes door open] SOUND    DISTANT EXPLOSION HELGA    [gasp!] MUSIC FLASHBACK TO BOAT AMBIANCE     BOAT SOUND    EXPLOSION NOTE    GIRLS HAVE BEEN DRUGGED, ARE GROGGY SUSANNE    What?  What's going on? SOUND    STUMBLING TO DOOR SOUND    HUGE CREAK, THINGS SLIDE SUSANNE    What the - oh!!  [stumbles, gasps for breath] ODA    Why is the world sliding to the window? SUSANNE    I'll try to [gasping breath] try to get to the door-- SOUND    STAGGERING FEET ODA    Don't leave me!  I cannot swim! SUSANNE    I'll just-- SOUND    DOOR FLIES OPEN MONGREL    [evil laughter] SUSANNE    [screams] ODA    What is it?  Oh! [screams] MONGREL    [evil laughter] MUSIC OUTSIDE BOX ROOM SOUND    WHIP CRACK MONGREL    [scream of agony] NATHALIA    [ecstatic gasp, laugh!, sound of effort as she brings her arm back for another slice] SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER, CATCH HAND MONGREL    [whimpering] GARTH    [ugh as he stops her] Here, now, that's enough of that! NATHALIA    Hmph.  That one will be of no help! AMELIE    We cannot merely stand 'ere in the corridor!  Something will come! GRACE    She's right.  We should keep moving along. NATHALIA    This one goes first.  If he will not help us find the way, his only use is to find the traps before we do. SOUND    CLUNK, BEHIND A DOOR GARTH    Shh!  There's something in that room up ahead! SOUND    GRAPPLE MONGREL    [whimper] NATHALIA    Open the door, you beast! MONGREL    [negatory noise] NATHALIA    [intense whisper]  You think I've hurt you already?  You have felt nothing yet! GRACE    Here, now - that's quite enough! NATHALIA    Back off, limey!  I have no wish to die! GARTH    Ladies! AMELIE    The only one 'oo wins, if we fight, is the monster 'oo put us 'ere! NATHALIA    If this thing is not going to open the door, it certainly will not be me! GARTH    [determined sigh] I'll open the door.  You three, stand back.  Keep an eye on him. NATHALIA    [muttered] Teach your grandmother to suck eggs. SOUND    DOORKNOB SLOWLY TURNS MUSIC HALLWAY, LUIGI SOUND    ZIPPER HELGA    [sobbing] LUIGI    Get up.  HELGA    No.  I will not. LUIGI    You should be grateful I would even touch you - you sniveling thing. HELGA    I have lost everything.  My hand.  My... dignity.  And now this ... insult. LUIGI    [nasty whisper] Think of it as a compliment.  One last chance to feel like a woman. HELGA    [hissed, angry]  I might feel like a woman, if you felt anything like a man! LUIGI    You bitch!  SOUND    SLAP HELGA    [gasp] LUIGI    I am your only chance to survive.  Once we get out of here, you can go to hell! HELGA    [fiery] You can go to hell right here! SOUND    SHE RUNS OFF, LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY LUIGI    What? SOUND    TAKES A COUPLE OF STEPS, RUSTLE AS HIS PANTS FALL, HE TRIPS LUIGI    [falling, ahhh!  Oof!]  HELGA    [distant - laughter is cut off by a shrill scream, in turn cut off in mid-scream] SOUND    HEAVY THUMP OF A BLADE, DISTANT LUIGI    Biiiiitch! MUSIC HALLWAY, GARTH SOUND    DOOR OPENS GARTH    It's dark. AMELIE    Do not go in.  I'll light something off one of these flames. GRACE    What will burn well? GARTH    I'll open the door the rest of the way, see what I can see-- urk! SOUND    SCUFFLE! AMELIE    Garth? GRACE    Oh god! NATHALIA    Bring it out into the light! SOUND    STRUGGLE STOPS KLAUS    [from within] Step back, ladies.  We are coming out. GARTH    [half strangled] Why I oughtta....! KLAUS    Shh!  This knife says you are now the quiet one.  [up] I suggest you ladies all move over there.  Unless you want your hero to have a very close shave. GRACE    Nathalia!  Come here! NATHALIA    [angry noise] SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER, HER ANGRY FOOTSTEPS KLAUS    Danke shoen.  Let us be Civilized about this. GRACE    Go on then. GARTH    Civilized?  Urk! GRACE    [low and intense] Do not anger the man with the knife! KLAUS    The ever practical britisher.  Hah!  I find myself without a companion. GRACE    Susanne? AMELIE    [gasp] NATHALIE    Fiend! KLAUS    [cold, tinged with anger] She was snatched from behind me by one of the minions.  I turned and saw her pulled through a door, which I could not open.   GRACE    So, being practical, what are you doing here? NATHALIA    Is it not obvious?  He needs a new woman. KLAUS    Ja.  [wry] Have I a volunteer?  Or must I resort to threats? AMELIE    You are not going to kill 'im?  KLAUS    Not if one of you comes with me.  We will walk down the hall, and he will accompany us as far as the intersection there.  AMELIE    Why should we trust you? KLAUS    You have my word as a Prussian. GRACE    And the others? KLAUS    [matter of fact] Wait here.  He will come back for you.  He is such an honorable schoolboy.  Is it a deal, my fine fellow? GARTH    [gasping a bit] Only if the ladies agree. GRACE    One of us will have to-- NATHALIA    I will go. AMELIE    What, you want to go with 'im? NATHALIA    Perhaps I am this tired of boy scouts.  Should I take my pet along with me? SOUND    KICKS MONGREL    [Urk] SOUND    FLOPPY FALL GRACE    Goodness, I think he's... dead! MUSIC HALLWAY, LUIGI SOUND    TRICKLING, DRIPPING NOISES LUIGI    Dios mio!  Such a mess.  Stupid woman! SOUND    DOOR OPENS, DISTANT LUIGI    Too bad-a this blade is too big to take with me.  I am-a left with the same club of wood.  No more blades up above?  [considering noise, scanning the ceiling]   No. nothing else a-looks tricky. SOUND    CAREFUL STEPPING OVER, FOOTSTEP IN STICKY PUDDLE LUIGI    [ech!  Disgusted noise] SOUND    DISTANT FOOTSTEPS, BOOTS SOUND    LUIGI WALKS QUIETLY OFF, STICKY FOOT MUSIC HALLWAY, LADIES AMELIE    What if 'ee does not return? GRACE    He can't get out without one of us.  He must come back. AMELIE    [odd tone] But... 'ee can only leave with one of us. GRACE    We'll sort that all out when we get that far. AMELIE    [musing] Oui.  We will. MUSIC HALLWAY, KLAUS SOUND    SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS KLAUS    There.  Now, you must admit I have done you no more harm than I had to.  GARTH    [angry sigh] Yes. KLAUS    And you swear you will count 20 before you move? GARTH    Yes. NATHALIA    [cold] I do not see why you should not kill him, eliminate the competition now. GARTH    Nathalia! NATHALIA    Garth, dear boy - you are adorable.  But this is life and death, tovarisch. KLAUS    [furious hiss] I have given my word, woman!  NATHALIA    [fierce, But backing down] Very well! GARTH    You should get a move on.  For all we know that eyetalian fellow is already on his way out the exit. MUSIC HALLWAY LUIGI MONGRELS WATCHING, ON THE LEFT, GENERAL CONVERSATION MONGREL    [babbling] MONGREL2    [babbling, slightly higher voice] LUIGI    [on right, whisper]  Bastardos! SOUND    ROCK SKIPS ACROSS FLOOR MONGRELS    [gasp to a stop] SOUND    WEAPONS COMING TO READY MONGRELS     [shushing each other] LUIGI    [whispered] Now for the bait. SOUND    JUICY DRAG NOISE, FLOP LUIGI     [whispered] Look at that a-shapely leg, boys.  How can you resist? MONGRELS    [murmur - excited - wolf whistle] LUIGI    [high pitched gasp, mimicking a girl] SOUND    STICKY FLOPPY NOISE, PULLS SEVERED LEG BACK MONGRELS    [nasty chuckle] LUIGI    Just a few... more... steps... MUSIC HALLWAY, GARTH SOUND    WALKING, TAPPING AHEAD WITH A STICK GRACE    How will we know the exit when we find it? GARTH    I guess, from what he said, I assumed it would be obvious. AMELIE    Do not pester 'im.  'ee is doing the best 'ee can!  [to Garth, warm] I trust you, completemente! GARTH    [a little uncertain] Well.  They went thataway, so I figure we should try this direction.  GRACE    Perhaps he knew something? GARTH    I don't think so. AMELIE    Whichever way you wish to go is fine.  I am right behind you, [sexy] always. GARTH    Come on, then.  SOUND    THEY TAP AND WALK OFF MUSIC HALLWAY, KLAUS SOUND    SCUFFLE, SWOOSH, THUMP, CREAK OF LEATHER KLAUS    [heavy breathing] That was too close! NATHALIA    My God!  That would have cut me in half! KLAUS    You look much better in one piece. NATHALIA    If we do not escape-- [leaves it hanging] KLAUS    This doctor says we will be sealed in here.  Do not worry.  I will kill you quickly.  And then find a way to end myself as well. NATHALIA    Before you do that, we must find a place where we can ...enjoy one last minute together. KLAUS    If it was only a minute, I would call it an insult to both of us. NATHALIA    [ecstatic deep breath] KLAUS    [Deep breath] [clipped, cold] But for now - Let us try still to win, before we plan to celebrate defeat.  MUSIC HALLWAY, LUIGI SOUND    FIGHT! LUIGI    [grunt] SOUND    CRUNCH MONGREL    [squeal, ends in gurgle, dies] LUIGI    Hah! That's-a for you. SOUND    BODY DROP SOUND    SMACKS HANDS CLEAN SUSANNE    [muffled gasp, behind wall] LUIGI    Eh?  SOUND    SCUFFLE SUSANNE    [sob] LUIGI    Where are a-you? SUSANNE    Who - who is it? LUIGI    [low chuckle, then muttered, satisfied]  It's-a someone who needs him a woman. MUSIC HALLWAY, KLAUS SOUND     WALKING APPROACHES, STOPS NATHALIA    Borje-moi!  Another dead end! KLAUS    [furious!]  Gott in Himmel!  [deep hissed breath, calming himself]  Pah!  At least going this direction, we know where the traps are. MUSIC HALLWAY, LUIGI SOUND    DOOR GRINDS OPEN SUSANNA    [hoarse shriek]  No more!  Please! LUIGI    Come out of there.  We need to move along! SUSANNA    [whimper] You're not one of ...them? LUIGI    I am one of-a me.  And I need one of-a you.  Come now, girl, or I will leave you to their mercies. SUSANNA    Noo!!! LUIGI    Come out! SUSANNA    But I-- [whimpers, sniffles]  They took my clothes! LUIGI    You can-a walk naked, can't you? SUSANNA    [cries] LUIGI     Fine.  I take-a you something from these-a dead fellows, eh? SUSANNA    Just anything.  Please. MUSIC HALLWAY, GARTH SOUND    TAPPING, OFF TO THE LEFT GRACE    I know what you're about! AMELIE    Whatever do you mean? GRACE    This helpless act, and agreeing with everything poor Garth says.  He won't be fooled. AMELIE    I am fooling no one.  I truly agree with 'im.  Is it so bad that I wish to survive? GRACE    I shan't play this game. AMELIE    She 'oo does not play cannot 'ope to win! GARTH    [coming in]  Seems clear up ahead.  Come on. MUSIC HALLWAY, KLAUS SOUND    WALKING KLAUS    Shh! SOUND    THEY STOP SOUND    DISTANT DOOR OPENS KLAUS    [whispered] stay close! SOUND    QUIET STEPS KLAUS    [whisper] This way. MUSIC HALLWAY, GARTH SOUND    WALKING GARTH    [whispered] Big open room ahead.  Stay right here, and keep an eye out behind, got it? AMELIE    [fervent] Absolutment! GRACE    [clipped, a bit sour] Yes. SOUND    HIS FOOTSTEPS, THEN A GRATING NOISE GARTH    A gate!  Quick!  Come on! AMELIE    It's coming down too fast! GRACE    Slide! SOUND    GRATING STOPS GARTH    [grunts - effort - holding up the gate]  Come... On!  Quick!  Get under! GRACE     Go!  SOUND    DISTANT MUTTER OF MONGRELS AMELIE    They are coming! GRACE    Move your shapely posterior! GARTH    [lots of effort] Quickly! AMELIE    [breathing heavily] Oh!  Oh!  I am clear! GRACE    My turn, I think. GARTH    HURRRRRRY! GRACE    Oh!  Something's grabbed my foot! AMELIE    [quiet] oh no.  GRACE    Help me!  Amelie!  Ahh!  GARTH    [straining] I can't hold it much longer! AMELIE    [dithering] Oh... [decides]  Oui.  Give me your 'ands! SOUND    HANDS SLAP TOGETHER BOTH WOMEN STRAIN GRACE    I'm loose!  Quick, Pull!! AMELIE    Uuuh! SOUND    RIPPING OF FABRIC GARTH    It's slipping! SOUND    CLANG!  PORTCULLIS DROPS GRACE    Good god - If my feet were a size larger, I'd be lost.  Amelie.  Thank you. AMELIE    [upset] pas du tout.  It was nothing. CHNOSSOS True - I fear your heroics were for nothing, mademoiselle. AMELIE    [gasp] GARTH    What are you talking about? CHNOSSOS You are too late. SOUND    GRATING ACROSS THE ROOM, SCUFFLE AS KLAUS AND NATHALIA ENTER GARTH    Too late?  Too late for what? CHNOSSOS The Italian. He has found the exit.  And even though his female was.... damaged goods... I never specified they had to make it out in pristine condition. KLAUS    And now what is to happen? CHNOSSOS I have what I wanted. You are ...expendable. SOUND    SPEAKING TUBE BEING CLOSED KLAUS    That door - Is that the exit?  Do you know? GARTH    I guess I thought it was. SOUND    DOORS OPENING, ALL AROUND SOUND    FEET ENTER MONGRELS    [many] [laughing evilly] KLAUS    There must be dozens of them! GARTH    Quick!  Circle up!  Face outward.  NATHALIA    No mercy! SOUND    WHIP! GRACE    Amelie, Come on! MUSIC THE WINNER SOUND    MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS, CHAMPAGNE POURS LUIGI    So.  What-a is it that I win? SOUND    MACHINE WHIRS, ENTERING CHNOSSOS [not on speakers] You are the perfect male specimen. LUIGI    I coulda told you that from-a the beginning. CHNOSSOS You are lucky I was only looking for physical specimens. Morally, I fear you are ... flawed. LUIGI    [shrug] You never asked for morals.  You don't-a seem like the type. CHNOSSOS No. I have never been overburdened with morals.  Scientists can't afford such luxuries. LUIGI    [scoffing] Scientist?  A dried up old-a walnut of a fellow like-a you? CHNOSSOS You should be more polite to your host. LUIGI    I think-a we are past that.  So?  What do I win? CHNOSSOS Have some more champagne and I will tell you everything. MUSIC STILL IN THE MAZE BACK TO OUTER ROOM SOUND    FIGHT HAS ENDED.  HEAVY BREATHING ALL ROUND MONGREL    [groan] KLAUS    [grunt as he stabs the man]  GARTH    That looks like the last one moving.  Everyone okay? GRACE    I think Amelie is hurt.  Her thigh. AMELIE    It's just a scratch. GRACE    Why don't you see if you can get the door open?  I'll see to this. NATHALIA    I will watch for any other ... enemies. KLAUS    So, [wry, but with humor] my fellow loser, do we go and take our prizes? GARTH    That sounds jake to me!  Let's get that door open! MUSIC INSIDE DOC'S LAIR SOUND    DOOR CRASHES OPEN CHNOSSOS [on speakertube] So, you have managed to escape! KLAUS    Ja.  CHNOSSOS You are too late! GARTH    All we want to do is get the heck out of here, doc!  You try and stop us, and we'll give you what for! NATHALIA    We are not going to find and kill this beast? SOUND    LIMPING UP BEHIND AMELIE    [whimpers, gasps] GRACE    We simply do not have that luxury.  It is more important to get ourselves clear.  [to Amelie] Come along. KLAUS    [to doc] I doubt that there is one of us who would want any prize that came from the likes of you! GARTH    [to doc] Just you stay out of our way!  You hear? CHNOSSOS Go on. Leave.  I have no need for any of you. MUSIC BOAT SOUND    OCEAN SOUND    CREAK OF BOAT SOUND    FEET APPROACH GARTH    All clear.  And there's even some food in the galley. KLAUS    Get the ladies on board. GARTH    Are you thinking what I'm thinking? KLAUS    That leaving this ... villain... to roam at large is somehow dishonorable? GARTH    I just wanted to whup his fanny, but that sounds real reasonable. NATHALIA    [breathless, worried] You're not going back in there? KLAUS    Ja.  And I am coming back out.  [quiet, intense] You are fierce.  That will give me the inspiration to return. NATHALIA    [gasp] GARTH    Hey. GRACE    Yes? GARTH    Is she... is she doing okay? GRACE    [resigned] She'll survive.  Thanks to you.  Now go on.  Make the world safe for all of us. GARTH    Right.  Come on, Klaus. MUSIC AMBIANCE DOC'S LAIR SOUND    DOOR BROKEN IN SOUND    JUICY PLOPPY CUTTING NOISES GARTH and KLAUS     [react as they stumble in] CHNOSSOS No! Stay away!  I am not finished! GARTH    Holy Cow! KLAUS    Mein Gott! CHNOSSOS You will not take away my perfect specimen! GARTH    I don't want it. KLAUS    But you, old man, must be stopped. CHNOSSOS Nooooo- Urk! MUSIC OUTSIDE SOUND    TWO MEN WALK BACK TO THE BOAT SOUND    BEHIND THEM THE PLACE BURN   KLAUS    Mein gott.  That could have been either one of us. GARTH    We can't tell none of them girls what we saw in there. KLAUS    There is no reason they should need to know. GARTH    Good.  You and me, Klaus old buddy, are the only ones who will ever know what the winner of this damned game was gonna get. KLAUS    ...Skinned and mounted as a trophy. END CREDITS

Cold Read: https://discord.gg/c3jagscRVb Deadeye Kid:  http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net/all_show_pages/deadeye%20kid/DeadeyeKidmain.htm THE NAKED TRUTH B&B Investigations returns, and this time Paul and Donna have been hired by the personal assistant to Mr. Emperor (of Emperor Pictures), himself. (For case #1, check out Cry Wolf) Cast List Paul Bette - Joel Harvey Donna Bella - Julie Hoverson Captain Oftheguard - Reynaud LeBoeuf Willard  - Barry Northern (Cast Macabre) Tom - Justin Charles (1st Draft Productions) Dick - Big Anklevitch (Dunesteef Audio Magazine) Herbie Taylor - Glen Hallstrom Goldy Taylor - Crystal Thomson Mr. Emperor - Rish Outfield (Dunesteef Audio Magazine) Sherry - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard (Gypsy Audio) Shop Steward - Scott Pigg Argus - J. Christopher Dunn Soda Jerk - Mike Campbell Music by Somewhere Off Jazz Street and Incompetech.com Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock   "What kind of a place is it? Why it's private investigator's office, can't you tell?" *********************************************** THE NAKED TRUTH Cast: Olivia Paul Bette Donna Bella Captain Oftheguard Willard Goldy Taylor Herbie Taylor Tom, Dick Mr. Emperor Sherry Shop steward Argus Soda Jerk OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a private detective's office, can't you tell?  MUSIC 1_EMPLOYEE SOUND    OFFICE SOUND    DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS PAUL    Right this way, sir.  Sorry to have kept you waiting. SOUND    STEPS, DOOR WILLARD    As one of Mr. Emperor's personal assistants, I am not used to-- PAUL    Of course not.  Please, step into my office and have a seat.  I'll get you some coffee? WILLARD    Don't you have staff for that? PAUL    This is pretty much a two-person office... WILLARD    Well, where's your assistant? PAUL    She's-- SOUND    OUTER DOOR OPENS, STEPS BREEZE IN DONNA    Paul?  You're here early. WILLARD    Speak of the devil? PAUL    Hold on just one moment.  SOUND    STEPS, DOOR SHUTS PAUL    Shh.  There's a client. DONNA    Oh?  Great! PAUL    Well, I think he thinks that-- WILLARD    [behind wall, raised voice] Mr. Emperor would never put up with tardiness in his employees. DONNA    [burning] Employees? PAUL    I didn't say anything, he just assumed. DONNA    What? PAUL    Don't get worked up - you know, this is the biz, sweetheart. DONNA    What? PAUL    The client is always right.  Humor him, and we'll have a plum job - he's a personal assistant to Mr. Emperor. DONNA    [big payoff] WHA--?  [then, back to normal suddenly] Of Emperor film studios?  Ooh! WILLARD    [raised, through door] I'm still waiting for my coffee! 2_VO_FEMALE MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER PAUL    The sad fact of detective work - it's just not a job you expect to find a female in, and people have a hard time accepting that my partner in the firm of B&B Investigations - and in fact one of said B's on the door - DONNA    The smarter B. PAUL    Don't be snippy.  It's really not my fault.  DONNA    [sigh] I know.  PAUL    Is Donna Bella, my partner. DONNA    It grates that so many men just don't seem to feel like women - particulary pretty women-- PAUL    Or beauties. DONNA    Me?  Oh, silly!  They don't feel that we can be more than princesses, secretaries, sorceresses, social climbers, or damsels in distress.  Sure, some women make it to prominence for their brains, and then every pair of pants around says "wow, ain't she unusual?" and we gals suffer in silence. PAUL    [hinting] On the other hand, it makes for a good cover - flying way under the radar - to be able to watch goings-on and take notes. DONNA    [reluctant] True. PAUL    Feeling any better? DONNA    A bit.  I guess. PAUL    I probably should... talk to the client? DONNA    Go on ahead.  I'll muse a moment longer. PAUL    [careful] Would you... bring us coffee when you're done?  [quickly]  I mean, let him think that you're-- DONNA    Yeah, yeah.  I'll give you the one without. PAUL    Without what? DONNA    [dark] I have't decided yet. PAUL    [goes off, chuckling] DONNA    The only thing that makes this job bearable - apart from the whole thrill of the chase, which is fun - is my partner, Paul Bette.  Big brute that he is, he never underestimates me.  I think he regards me as a little brother in a dress, which ain't a real pretty picture - you should see his little brother.  Sometimes, I wish he did see me as a woman - in a dress - and treat me like one.  Ah, forget it. MUSIC CUTS OUT 3_CHICORY SOUND    DOOR OPENS DONNA    [way too perky] Two coffees! WILLARD    And about time. PAUL    [sigh] I explained to you about the errend I sent her on-- WILLARD    Yes, yes of course.  But-- PAUL    And this office doesn't exactly put me in Mr. Emperor's class for choice of-- WILLARD    [accepting] Ah, well. [sips, smacks lips]  Interesting flavor. PAUL    [worried] What is it? DONNA    [daggers] Chicory. WILLARD    Hmm.  Yes.  Amusing.  PAUL    Can we get down to business? DONNA    Do you need me to stay? WILLARD    Doesn't she take shorthand or something? PAUL    She does, but [overriding her] she does it out at her desk, over the intercom.  Less distracting that way. DONNA    [huffs as she leaves] SOUND    TAPS OF HER FEET, DOOR SHUTS WILLARD    [confidential] If you plan to keep that one around for... looks, you simply must find an ugly one to do the work. PAUL    Not a bad idea.  Though a bit sexist. WILLARD    I am in the film business. PAUL    Ah.  Now what is the nature of your problem? WILLARD    You are familiar with the prestigious filmography of Mr. Emperor? PAUL    Golden idols, plaques, every movie a winner.  Of course. WILLARD    [coughs delicately] Almost every movie a winner. PAUL    [knowing] Oh, yes.  But still an impressive reputation. WILLARD    And not one to be trifled with.  Unfortunately, my master also suffers from a terrible case of ...hubris. PAUL    Shouldn't he see a doctor? WILLARD    [dry] Funny.  No, it's only-- [sighs, trying to find the right word]  PAUL    Be blunt, this is all confidential. WILLARD    [resigned sigh] It's his ego.  It has simply swollen so large he can no longer see past it.  PAUL    [confused] And you want me to help with that? WILLARD    No, no, it's the consequences which disturb me.  I just don't know where to start... PAUL    The beginning is usually a good bet. WILLARD    Six months ago, a consortium of ...people found their way into Mr. Emperor's social sphere... MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER 4_VO_RODOMONTADE DONNA    Goodness, what a mouth.  He must have it embroidered on his underwear somewhere - "thou shalt not utilize a single clear and plain word when ten or a dozen fancy choices will do the trick."  I was hard put not to fall asleep right on the intercom.  And what did it all boil down to?  He suspected a couple of scam artists of lining his boss up for a sting.  But could he just cut to the point and say that?  Indubitably in the negative. PAUL    The details were interesting but not conclusive. DONNA    There were actual details in there? PAUL    Yes.  This trio had wormed their way into emperor's inner circle, and pitched him on a movie they wanted to make.  He thought it sounded like a winner, didn't run it past anyone, and didn't even stop to read the script - just trusted his instinct that they would be "the next big thing."  He set them up in a closed soundstage, and handed them a check.  Since then, they've been needing more and more money for all those ...things movies have-- DONNA    Actors, costumes, sets, props, film-- PAUL    Yeah, but there's no proof they've ever spent a dime of it.  They've made a big deal of auditioning a bunch of hopefuls-- DONNA    Mostly by letting themselves be wined and dined by all the big names.  Or worse. PAUL    And no one even knows if this movie is actually being made.  DONNA    And Mr. Emperor doesn't suspect anything? PAUL    I dunno.  Willard seemed to think his boss might be beginning to suspect something, but he's got so much invested in the damn project, he can't step away.  His whole ego and reputation - both more monumental than his wallet - are so tied up in this.  He's never had a flop before-- DONNA    Well, there was the one. PAUL    Right - he mentioned something like that.  What's the deal? DONNA    A silly little flick called Gone with the Wind - ever see it? PAUL    Nope. DONNA    Well, neither did anyone else.  Who'd ever buy a story of three pigs and a wolf anyway? MUSIC    NOT QUITE A "WAH-WAH-WAH" 5_OFTHEGUARD SOUND    MUSIC IS INTERRUPTED BY A PHONE RINGING DONNA    Should I get that, [snotty] "Mister Bette"? PAUL    Would you? DONNA    [sullen] Fine.  SOUND    PHONE SNATCHED UP DONNA    [too sultry] B&B Investigations.  How may I direct your call, to B or B? OFTHEGUARD    [on the phone] Donna?  What's got into you? DONNA    Oh, Captain Oftheguard!  [hah!]  I'm just covering the front while we decide on hiring a new secretary. PAUL    A new secretary--? DONNA    Our last one...um... won a bundle of dough in a radio contest and ran off to Barbados.  Who'd'a thunk that being able to name all the dancing princesses--  OFTHEGUARD    Cut the malarkey, Donna.  Is Bette there?  I need to speak to him. DONNA    Yes.  Of course. OFTHEGUARD    [pointed] Alone. DONNA    [to Paul] Everyone wants you today.  SOUND    SLAMS THE RECEIVER ONTO THE TABLE DONNA    I'll just go... buy some shoes or some other feminine pursuit. SOUND    SHE LEAVES - FEET, RUSTLE PAUL    Donna?  What--? SOUND    DOOR SLAMS SOUND    VOICE ON THE PHONE, VERY SMALL AND DISTORTED PAUL    Damn.  [growl]  SOUND    SNATCHES UP THE PHONE PAUL    [still a growl] What? OFTHEGUARD    What brownie crawled in your shoe?  MUSIC IN DONNA    I left them to their little boy games and decided to do the one thing Paul would never think of.  Or approve of. PAUL    [distant] Huh?  What?  DONNA    See you in the movies, babe. PAUL    [getting closer] Movies?  What movies? MUSIC OUT PAUL    [echoey] Donna? OFTHEGUARD    No, it's Oftheguard.  Ain't Donna with you? PAUL    She just stormed out of here. OFTHEGUARD    That girl has a temper.  Anyway, I wanted to discuss her birthday. PAUL    Birthday?  What?  OFTHEGUARD    Didn't you know?  It's Friday night, and I was wondering what kind of arrangements you mighta made.  PAUL    Oh.  We've been really busy here--  [still wondering] Movies? OFTHEGUARD    What? PAUL    Nothing.  [back on point] Friday.  Birthday.  Arrangements.  Right. MUSIC IN 6_AUDITION DONNA    [quiet] I stood outside the studio where the fancy schmancy new movie was supposedly being filmed - a huge building out on the docks with no windows and only one door. MUSIC OUT AMB    PIER SOUND    DOORBELL BUZZER TOM    [on intercom]  Sorry!  Ain't hiring today.  Closed set. DONNA    [breathy, sexy] Oh, please!  I just came in on a bus from Punkinville, and want so badly to be in moving pictures! TOM    Step up to the peephole - there on the left.  Saaaaaay.  You're a real beaut, ain'tcha? DONNA    It has been said.  Back home in Peter Piper Iowa, I was the beauty queen! TOM    I thought you said you were from Punkinville. DONNA    [thinking madly] Oh... I-- [drops voice] Punkinville is the bad side of Peter Piper. TOM    Why don't you come on in?  [lecherous] I might be able to squeeze in a screen test. SOUND    BUZZ, DOOR OPENS DONNA    [deep breath] Thank you ever so.  [muttered] Just be careful what you're squeezing. SOUND    WALKS INTO ECHOEY SPACE 7_EXIT STAGE LEFT MUSIC IN PAUL    I had no idea where Donna had got to, after our little dustup that morning.  And I was skeptical about Oftheguard's ideas for a party.  SOUND    CAR SNEAKS IN PAUL    Seemed pretty frivolous for a captain of his standing, but he was also an old friend of Donna's.  I decided to cut right to the chase and go to the studio. SOUND    CAR BRAKES, SOUND OF PIER PAUL    Work can usually take my mind off of-- SOUND    DOOR BEING SLAMMED OPEN, BODY FALLING OUT TOM    Whoooooah!  [being tossed out] PAUL    I realized Donna had beaten me to the punch. SOUND    CAR DOOR OPENS PAUL    [gasp, startled] SOUND    DONNA GETTING IN DONNA    I don't want to talk about it. PAUL    What's in there? DONNA    I didn't get a chance to see much. PAUL    What happened? SOUND    SNAP FINGERS MUSIC IN SUDDENLY DONNA    I didn't want to talk about it, but he just couldn't seem to take a hint. PAUL    Got it.  Fine. DONNA    Since I hadn't seen more than ten feet into the building - MOST of that being hallway, it wouldn't do ANY good to hash it over anyway. PAUL    I've got it.  Seriously. DONNA    And all because I would not could not on a couch-- PAUL    He offered you breakfast? DONNA    Just drop it! MUSIC OUT 8_BACK TO OFFICE SOUND    MOMENT OF SILENCE, CAR STARTS PAUL    We need to find a way in. DONNA    [almost steaming again] Oh? PAUL    I'm thinking a little piecework. DONNA    [more] OH? PAUL    All it would take is a little pounding, drilling.  In and out.  Simple. DONNA    [furious] OOOOH? PAUL    [noticing her anger]  uh, do you have a problem with me doing some construction work? DONNA    Oh! PAUL    What did you think I meant? DONNA    Nothing! MUSIC IN PAUL    No, really. DONNA    I want to go back to the office.  We do have some bleach there, don't we? PAUL    [narrating]  Back at the office, the phone was ringing. SOUND    QUICK STEPS, PICK UP PHONE PAUL    Hello? WILLARD    Hello? PAUL    Yes, can I help you? WILLARD    Is there anyone there? PAUL    What? DONNA    The music! SOUND    SNAP FINGERS MUSIC OUT 9_PHONE PAUL    Right. WILLARD    Ah, I was wondering.  I have been phoning for simply ages.  Where's your assistant been? DONNA    [dark] I've been to the palace to see the queen. PAUL    [to her, covering handset] No need for that!  [back to the phone]  What did you need? DONNA    [walking away] And pussycat pussycat, what'd you do there? PAUL    [muttered aside] pattycake or not, it's dang sexy when she speaks foreign. DONNA    [almost gone, loud] I'm getting ready to kick what he puts in a chair! SOUND    DOOR SLAMS PAUL    [interested] Oooh! [back to the phone] Sorry about that.  Employee relations. WILLARD    You're not relating to her on MY time, are you? PAUL    [growling] Anything on YOUR time will turn up on an expense account, bub.  Now, what were you calling about? WILLARD    [grumbling] You still need a secretary for the real work.  [up]  Mr. Emperor has finally nailed them down on a debut - Friday night at Grimm's Chinese theater - and we have to DO something before then!  If this is another bomb, he will be ruined! PAUL    We're on it. WILLARD    as long as you're not both on it at the same time, I'll be happy.  Goodbye! PAUL    [GROWLS]  Music! MUSIC COMES IN, BUT DOOR OF OFFICE OPENS A1_GOLDY GOLDY    Hello? MUSIC CUTS OUT PAUL    Uh, what? GOLDY    You're looking for a secretary. PAUL    I'm - what? GOLDY    [long suffering sigh]  Look, I don't mind working for chump change, or even schlepping for a brute like you - no offense-- PAUL    None taken. GOLDY    But I do try to work for folks who get some vocabulary.  I learned.  Had a job once taking dictation from this big black bird.  Couldn't say nothing but-- PAUL    Nevermind.  I'm just surprised.  We haven't actually advertised yet. GOLDY    Oh, sorry!  I spoke with-- [deliberately trails off] PAUL    Donna? GOLDY    Is she here? PAUL    [yes] She's in her office. GOLDY    Then no, not her.  This was a... [thinks]  ...a client. PAUL    Oh, Mr. Emperor's assistant. GOLDY    Yeah.  Him.  He suggested I come by. PAUL    Can you type? GOLDY    You bet. PAUL    Answer phones? GOLDY    I got a gold-plated ear. PAUL    [serious] Really? GOLDY    No. PAUL    Cause I knew a girl once, with-- GOLDY    Do I get the job? PAUL    I have to check with Donna first.  [up] Donna? DONNA    [from off] Still annoyed! PAUL    This might cheer you up! SOUND    DOOR OPENS, SHE STRIDES IN DONNA    What? GOLDY    [admiring] Well, look at you. DONNA    Who's looking at me, kid? PAUL    She came here for the secretary job.  Donna Bella, this is-- uh-- GOLDY    Ms. Lox.  But you can call me Goldy. MUSIC IN PAUL    Goldy's resume looked good-- DONNA    --and freshly typed-- PAUL    So we left her in charge and went looking for a way into the soundstage. GOLDY    Is that the Emperor pictures soundstage you were talking about? PAUL    Hey, this is a voiceover, not a party line. GOLDY    Hmph.  Coulda fooled me. PAUL    Lets take a drive.  Get some privacy.  DONNA    [romantic] Really Paul?      It's so sudden. MUSIC CUTS OUT SUDDENLY A2_PRIVATE CAR SOUND    CAR TURNS ON PAUL    That's exactly what I'm worried about. DONNA    Huh? PAUL    The way she showed up.  Very sudden. DONNA    Oh.  Did you lock up the petty cash? PAUL    Doll, our cash is so petty it ain't worth it. DONNA    [chuckles] So why do you think she popped up just now?  With a freshly minted resume? PAUL    I'm thinking someone's caught onto that valet's worry, and wants to keep tabs on us. DONNA    The potential swindlers? PAUL    We'll see.  MUSIC IN PAUL    [muttered]  Follow my lead.  [up]  Since the front door approach had been nixed, I figured on checking out the loading docks. DONNA    Ah!  Drop me at the union hall, wouldja? PAUL    Donna had a promising line of inquiry.  [side of mouth, teasing] Voice over... DONNA    I figured if there was anything coming in and going out - apart from money, there'd be someone at the local 509 who kept an eye on it. PAUL    Can't do anything in the film industry without teamsters. DONNA    [back at him] Voice over.... [whispered] I'll take the voiceover in 15 minutes.  When you're done, you mention a llama. PAUL    [whispered] Beast or priest? DONNA    [whispered] Either way. PAUL    Dropping her off, I went on down to the docks, figuring on asking around, finding out who catered the shop.  Bye, sweets. DONNA    [blows a kiss]  See ya!  SOUND     CAR DOOR SLAMS PAUL    Smart as a whip.  [musing] That's just one of those things you say, but when you really think about it, how smart IS a whip?  And who would ever ask to be "whipped"? SOUND    DRIVING AGAIN PAUL    I found a parking space down at the end of the marina, out of sight, but close enough in case someone decided to take a run-out powder. DONNA    Speaking of powder, I decided to stop in at a Rex druggist for a new compact and a bite to eat. MUSIC OUT A3_SODA JERK DONNA    Bet you get a lot of movie folks in here. JERK    [squeaking] Here?  [clears his throat]  Here?  I mean, not so's you'd notice, why? DONNA    Aren't they making a film down on the pier, there? JERK    Are they?  I haven't heard anything.  Who's in it? DONNA    I was hoping you'd know. JERK    No, but I know who to ask. DONNA    Oh?  Who? JERK    There's this old guy comes in here a lot.  Big nose.  He seems to know everyone.  Baron, Baron--- DONNA    Munchausen?  Hah!  Oops, is that the time?  I was supposed to meet the local shop steward. MUSIC IN DONNA    There's two ways to deal with teamsters.  Hire them and pay them a good wage, or don't hire them and pay them anyway.  That was what all the hullabaloo was about the sorcerer's apprentice - making brooms that can tote water is the worst kind of scab labor. Of course, there are exceptions, and I found out this was one of those. MUSIC OUT A4_TEAMSTERS STEWARD    Foreign soil. DONNA    What? STEWARD    That pier.  Used to be the embassy for Atlantis. DONNA    But Atlantis sank. STEWARD    Yeah, but that pier is still foreign soil.  Any work done there is subject to the local laws.  Of Atlantis. DONNA    But what about things going in and out?  Surely you must be handling deliveries? STEWARD    We would have to.  But there ain't none.  None at all, and we've been keeping our sharpest eye on them.  [up] Argus? ARGUS    Yeah, boss? DONNA    Wow.  I'd hate to be your optometrist. ARGUS    Guess I'm lucky I got 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20-- DONNA     I got it. ARGUS    --vision, eh? DONNA    Yeah.  So, you haven't seen ANYone coming or going? ARGUS    Didn't say that - a couple guys are in and out.  Just not goods or anything that we'd have to handle. DONNA    But the film crew-- ARGUS    What film crew?  It's just these three guys.  No one else. STEWARD    So the crew must be living in there, too.  Which would be a housing board violation, except... DONNA    Foreign soil.  Right.  Thanks for the   help, guys.  Oops - I'm running a bit late.  Come on! SOUND    SNAP FINGERS MUSIC IN DONNA    I wonder when my new music will arrive.  [sigh, up]  It was a mystery all right.  Somehow they had a set with no setup, a cast with no costumes, and a crew with no shore leave.  Far as anyone might know, it could be a big empty building - empty except for the oodles of gold Emperor was pouring into it.  And if there was truly nothing - how to save the studio, avoid embarrassment, and catch the crooks, all at once.  It was about time to grab those three guys and set them adrift in a leaky tub. PAUL    Lama. DONNA    Just like that? PAUL    Yup. Can you get back to the office on your own? DONNA    Ain't a hackie I can't handle. PAUL    Meet you there.  I'll take this for a while. DONNA    Oh, right-- PAUL AND DONNA    [unison, teasing] Voice-over.  [both laugh] PAUL    I had found something - something very interesting - out back of the warehouse, and was bringing it back to the office to examine it more closely.  Too bad it was a little hard to fit into the car.  That was reason enough to get Donna to find her own way home. DONNA    Like a little lamb, dragging my tail behind me? PAUL    Only you could make pattycake sound sexy. DONNA    You should see what I can do with [very sexy] Pease porridge HOT. PAUL    [interested growl] Save it!  Rowr! DONNA    Can we get to the office, already? PAUL    Sounds good. MUSIC OUT A5_HERBIE SOUND    DOOR OPENS, SHE WALKS IN GOLDY    Welcome to B&B Investigations.  Can I-- Oh!  [shrug]  Ehh.  Good practice, I suppose. DONNA    [stunned]  What... happened? GOLDY    Whaddaya mean? DONNA    It's so... clean.  You didn't have a horde of magic forest animals in here, did you? SOUND    DOOR OPENS GOLDY    [hurried] Uh, no.  I just didn't have a lot to do.  [uneasy] I ain't real fond of forests.  Or animals. PAUL    Ahem. GOLDY    Present company excluded. PAUL    Good. SOUND    HE WALKS IN, STRUGGLING MAN WITH HIM HERBIE    Mrph.  Urk. [struggling noises, bag on head] GOLDY    But I draw the line at kidnapping!  What did you do to that poor mug?  PAUL    I put a bag on his head. HERBIE    [muffled] Goldy? GOLDY    [cussing] Oh, Porridge! DONNA    Oh, no, you're not going anywhere, sweetheart. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS, LOCKS GOLDY    You lemme go, or I swear I'll break a chair - on your pretty little auburn head! SOUND    BAG OFF OF HEAD HERBIE    Goldy!  What's all this about, my little housebreaker? DONNA    Whoever you are, you're not alone, and you're embarrassing Ms. Lox. GOLDY    Thank you.  HERBIE    Ms. Lox?  Yeah, twenty years ago, maybe.  Since then, she's been my wife, Goldy Tailor! DONNA    I thought I recognized you.  Aren't you that guy who--? GOLDY     Oh, don't bring it up.  Please! HERBIE    What's wrong with a man taking credit for his past achievements?  So I took out 7 in one blow. GOLDY    Yeah, twenty years ago, maybe.  And they were flies.  This is his big achievement. HERBIE    Honey.  Sweetie.  Who're these folks anyway? PAUL    We're the private investigators who've been hired to find out what's really going on with that "movie" you're filming HERBIE    [suddenly serious] Oh.  That. MUSIC IN DONNA    For all their bickering, I was jealous.  They'd been married for twenty years, and I could see what she really felt by the way she looked at him.  PAUL    That and the fact that he clearly didn't put her up to sneaking in and spying on the spies. GOLDY    You know I can hear you? DONNA    We are definitely going to have to do something about that. MUSIC OUT HERBIE    It started out as a little con job.  Or that's what they told me.  I came in late in the game. GOLDY    Yeah, you're innocent as a baby fresh from a cabbage patch.  And about as smart.  A pair of grifters like that-- HERBIE    They got me in because I know the garment trade, and they needed someone to handle the costumes. DONNA    But there... aren't any costumes? HERBIE    Yeah, that's the funny part.  They mostly needed someone who could write a convincing invoice for the things they weren't buying. GOLDY    I hope you got some decent pay for this. PAUL    You're really better off not discussing THAT in front of witnesses. HERBIE    At first, I thought it was just a joke, and then, suddenly... before I even knew it, I was in it right up to my cummerbund.  GOLDY    And none of this is admissible in court!  I clerked for enough lawyers in my day.  I know all about hearsay. PAUL    Tell us everything you know, Mr. Lox-- HERBIE    Tailor.  Herbie Tailor.  You can call me Herbie. PAUL    Herbie, and we'll do our best to keep your name out of it. HERBIE    Like I said, it's all a scam.  More shell companies than a town full of mermaids.  Constant demands for money - and all to make this movie they say will be over the heads of everyone in the audience.  PAUL    But why? HERBIE    I guess this producer wants to rise above the crowd-pleasing musicals and talking animal flicks he usually churns out-- GOLDY    Apart from that one-- HERBIE    Oh, yeah, that.  Anyway, he wants to do something all intellectual and deep - like a foreign film.  Make a new name for himself. PAUL    Just hoping that name won't be ... um...  [prompting] something bad. HERBIE    Aschenputtel? DONNA    Maleficent? PAUL    Shh!  That one's copyrighted. DONNA    Oh. GOLDY    Just say his name would be mud and move on. HERBIE    Look, if I'm gone for much longer, they're gonna get suspicious.  PAUL    Can you try and find out one thing?  If we agree to help keep you out of the hands of the guard? HERBIE    I dunno.  I don't want to-- GOLDY    [warning] Herbie!? HERBIE    Yeah, all right.  Whatever you want. PAUL    I want to know what they're planning to do.  There has to be something in it for them, or they'd'a cut and run long back. HERBIE    Yeah. I guess. DONNA    True - with the premiere coming up, they must have one last big payoff in mind. PAUL    Why don't you two get outta here? GOLDY    Me, too? PAUL    Sorry, but until this is finished, you're just gonna be in the way. DONNA    And stay out of our voiceovers! MUSIC IN DONNA    It was a pity, really.  Goldy had done a bang up job of cleaning the office. PAUL    Is that what happened?  DONNA    Yup.  But until the case was cleared, there was no way we could let her stick around.  Maybe after the gala on Friday-- MUSIC OUT A6_FRIDAY PAUL    Friday!  Holy cow! DONNA    Whazzat?  PAUL    Nothing.  I need to give Willard a call.  See if there's any new payments going down the line. DONNA    Why don't you let me handle that?  Isn't that what assistants are for? PAUL    We don't get paid if you hurt him. DONNA    Over the phone?  I'll be very nice. PAUL    You go on ahead, then.  I have a few other loose ends to tie up. DONNA    Like? PAUL    Nothing I can't handle.  You go on. DONNA    [suspicious] Riiiight.  I'm out. MUSIC IN PAUL    [long sigh]  I was going to have to call Oftheguard and let him know we were otherwise engaged this Friday.  I hoped he hadn't done much in the way of planning.  But I knew Donna wouldn't want to let anything get in the way of finishing a case.  I was even thinking he might be handy to have around when-- SOUND    PHONE RINGS PAUL    [checking if she's around] Donna?  Oh well.  Music? MUSIC OUT A7_WHISPERS SOUND     PHONE PICKED UP PAUL    Hello? HERBIE    [whispered] I got it. PAUL    Got what? HERBIE    What they're up to.  They plan to claim the film's been stolen, and cash in on the insurance.  Maybe even ask a ransom. PAUL    So - last minute, no film, and they're in the clear? HERBIE    Gotta go. SOUND    PHONE HANGS UP DONNA    Guess it's time to report to the client. PAUL    [surprised] Yah!  Didn't you leave? DONNA    Couldn't think of anything interesting to do.  SOUND    PHONE DIALING MUSIC IN DONNA    Sometimes, the P.I. biz is just a lot of waiting, false starts, and standing around in the rain.  MUSIC OUT A8_REPORT PAUL    Or giving bad news. WILLARD    [on phone] What bad news? MUSIC IN PAUL    I gave him the run-down, and he took it pretty well. MUSIC OUT WILLARD    [screaming] NooO!  You simply MUST do something! DONNA    [off] I could get him some more chicory! PAUL    We were hired to get info, not to-- WILLARD    Then I'm hiring you again!  Money is no object, as long as you save Mr. Emperor's reputation! PAUL    I guess we need to find someone who can make you a movie. SOUND    PHONE HANGS UP DONNA    In two days?  [idea] I'll handle that.  Why don't you figure out what to do with the crooks when we get them? PAUL    But-- DONNA    Then we can skip ahead to the denouement! PAUL    But-- DONNA    This should be fun! A9_EMPEROR SOUND    DOOR SHUTS PAUL    [weakly, disbelieving] In two days?  [sigh]  Well, they can't expect miracles... MUSIC IN PAUL    Oh, all right.  The night of the big show arrived.  The theater was full of all those glittering people who appear out of nowhere every time a red carpet unrolls.  Crowned heads and nouveau riche, stars and those who just had stars in their eyes.  I was with Mr. Emperor only moments before the curtain was to go up. EMPEROR     [emperor only speaks in bellows] [on phone] What are you talking about?  The canisters were just delivered! TOM    [On phone]  They what? EMPEROR    They're being set up this minute - you could have given them some more time, you know. TOM    But, the ransom call just came in! EMPEROR    Must be a hoax.  Come on down and enjoy the show. TOM    I don't-- PAUL    They really should be here to take their share of the credit. EMPEROR    The car should be there about now. SOUND    RECEIVER SLAMMED DOWN EMPEROR    You can go now.  The projector staff have the cans well in hand. PAUL    I'm supposed to stay and keep an eye on them after the debut also. WILLARD    I'll find him a seat somewhere.  EMPEROR    Fine, fine.  See you after the show. SOUND    DOOR SLAM PAUL    Is he angry? WILLARD    No, why? PAUL    Nothing. WILLARD    What if the film is bad? What do we do? PAUL    Plan b is set the projector room on fire after the first reel. WILLARD    Really? PAUL    No!  But what you need to do is go out there and give the film a big buildup.  Make a point that it's very highbrow and intellectual and that only the most perceptive people will understand and appreciate it.  You know the kind of thing - butter up the audience with one hand, threaten them with the other. WILLARD    I work for producers, of course I know. PAUL    Go for it. B1_FINALE MUSIC IN DONNA    The movie had a bit of a rough start, but once the people got used to the pace, they seemed to get into it.  Since there were no kids in the audience to get restless and start saying obnoxious things, it seemed to go over pretty well. PAUL    I made a point of being in the hallway outside emperor's box, and when the culprits tried to slink away at the last minute... MUSIC OUT PAUL    Where do you think you're going? TOM    uh... concessions.  Need more popcorn. DICK    Me too. PAUL    Movie's nearly over.  Don't you want to take your bows? DICK    But it ain't our-- TOM    Stifle!  He meant it ain't our style to be in the public eye, you see.  C'mon-- DONNA    Not so fast. DICK    A big guy and a pair of dames?  Don't make me laugh. PAUL    I wouldn't-- TOM    Oh, jeez!  It's her!  [muttered to dick] We'd have a better chance with the brute. DICK    Really? TOM    [up] What do youse guys want? DONNA     We want to avoid any unpleasantness for Mr. Emperor, so your job is to go out there and take your bows, and introduce your writer-director, Sherry here. SHERRY    Hi! DONNA    She's real good with a story, and saved everyone's butts. SHERRY    You wanted avant garde - and I was dying to try something new. PAUL     I still can't believe you finished it in two days. SHERRY    I had a good subject to work with. TOM    But what're we supposed to do after tonight? DONNA    I suggest take some filmmaking lessons - if this is a success, you're going to have half the studios around looking to hire you, and most are a bit more picky than Mr. Emperor. PAUL    Don't worry - you can always go into seclusion, after completion of your masterwork. SHERRY    Just as long as I get my credit - and since I mastered the final titles, I DO [laughs]. I'll get any work I want after this.  Picture it - "A Scherezade production" in big lights!  I'll keep 'em coming back, night after night. MUSIC IN B2_BIRTHDAY DONNA    And it went over with a bang - primed as they were, no one was willing to admit that the film "wooden you" - a more or less still shot of one guy's face as he answers a series of more and more odd and uncomfortable questions - was strange or incomprehensible, or even dull. PAUL    There was even a certain hush in the theater from time to time - waiting to see if his response would be a lie. DONNA    How she talked Pinocchio into it, we'll never know.  On the other hand, if there's one thing Sherry's good at, it's getting folks to listen to her. PAUL    Sorry to miss your birthday by the way. DONNA    Eek! PAUL    I said I was sorry! DONNA    [warning] Voice over! PAUL    We were just getting back to the office, when-- MUSIC OUT DONNA    ixnay on the irthday-bay. PAUL    I- what? DONNA    I was hoping everyone forgot. PAUL    Oh.  Sorry, then, for that. SOUND    KEY IN LOCK, DOOR OPENS, A COUPLE OF STEPS CROWD    Surprise! PAUL    I didn't - what the - not my fault! DONNA    What? OFTHEGUARD    Didn't mean to startle you - your secretary let us in. DONNA    What? GOLDY    Sorry boss.  Bosses.  Who can say no to such a face? PAUL AND DONNA    Bosses? GOLDY    Try getting rid of me.  Besides, I make a mean cuppa joe! CLOSING