Podcasts about Ahem

fantastic fantastic four mel gibson first steps jon voight ahem kevin ford matt waters

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 9, 2025 75:00

I was told specifically not to go to that grocery store anymore— but they had the rice noodles I liked. The thing was, actually, this time, they didn't— and so I knew my time was again coming to a close. I knew it would be the last time before I left, and regardless that I was going to leave anyway, but it felt like the last time— there were no rice noodles at all, and with my arms full of essentials, I figure listening to the voice in my head that told me not to do these things was probably for the best.'I can hear that.' But I was beginning to be rebellious in my actions and endeavors, because I simply wasn't making money, and this was making me not just sad, but actually very angry. {Enter The Multiverse} Professor Tannenbaum. Sir. Yikes. I'm sure I'm shown up at the Equinox Just for [someone] to torture me Cause for what? I'm dead broke, and not a [] blonde I'm on another trial Been tryin, but been a while It's too bad I'm too tired to run a mile I been Up all night It ain't right I hate New York I'm so sick of being broke But I still cannot find a job, I'm so certain that it's hell that I'm l surprised It's not on fire, But maybe all hell is for real l Is a cold heart world With no love in it Where you stop being inspired It's murder for hire with motorcycles And corrupt politicians So if I look a little older I'm smart to sue em So y'op wanna walk toward And cut me off Tryna get noticed by a God But I been only in New York So I'm humbled, mumble like i'm nobody But the no ones try to follow me I swallow all my humble cards I want to pick them up But just for once , I leave my garbage on the floor All these skanks Look like Hillary swank Come to thinking they slick tryna take the energy I make They all look like snakes Lazy But never cease to amaze me Walking up in the world I made Still tryna hate me. Thankfully, it's just a think tank to me and when the balance beam turns the tables on em I'm he back in my temple home; Now it's your turn to be homeless, Ya boneless serpent This is just a bonus l Cause I took a wrong turn But it was the right one Cause I got some rhymes done. Ya'll get off of my nuts Look, I got nine Trump cards Welcome to my dump, lards You're non recyclable! What can I say Besides, That I'm always correct Look at the thing that coughs she's gross and she don't have the touch The flight of love. The touch of god, The twist of the hand Or knowing from before But she benefits off of the blood The coughs The sign of the demons and dark ones It was already a done deal. I knew it was sort of a scam, or maybe even sometimes that rich white peoples had the worst demons of all— My fears had been confirmed the moment I walked in, someone coughing in that same disgusting way as I had been used to as soon as I approached the desk to activate my pass— but I knew as soon as I walked in that it was worth it; I would save everything that I had and sell my outdated DJ gear I wasn't using anyway, and I would take advantage of the offer to reinstate my membership; this would serve me so much more than my equipment was anyway. I wasn't getting along in the DJ world, and in fact after the cancellation of REQUISITE, the disrespect at [redacted] , and the techno Jew telling me my clothes and looks made me worthless in the industry, I considered he might have been right; I would be better off back where I started, at Equinox and broke but at least amongst the clean and quiet elite— this would raise my vibration and clear my headspace for something greater, eventually…even if it was just a job in luxury retail–going back to school or figuring out how to get behind the scene. My DJ days seemed to be over; I needed security and longevity, and I needed the opportunity to come back at the price with a one month advance desperately. Perhaps six weeks of training could jumpstart something better; I didn't know. But selling my equipment was worth it, because being a DJ was getting me nowhere but a quickly depleting supply of coconut water. Man wheezy for real And I don't even feel the pain Came a long way to Wayne I took the 2 train, Fell out of the truth Still trying to find 2 chainz But I went the wrong way I been up all day Somethings wrong, I should probably go to a hospital A long time ago I'm hoping that this tissue mass is cancer And it's fatal tho Fee like I'm inflatable Ain't no man is faithful yo I'll probably smoke a big ol bowl When I get back to heaven, man With a rebel yell, she cried: omg, a leg press. Feeling like, a little bit friendless Should probably get a wet wipe Should probably get some leg lifts in Should probably get the leg press in It's been a late one Should probably get some press ons Probably get my press kits done Should probably call it in But then again Don't got a home much longer Do I! Parallels, This shit is real I get it in for a second then Case dismissed I kept it innocent I went to equinox to reinvent myself A second Take a second thought, And then forgot— I'm at the wrong plaza Nooo? Noooo not [The Rock And The Kite, Part ☠️] The diabolical plan worked The motorcycles weakened the [trigger] bad, We really had her, Out on Brooklyn queens border She looks ten year older Her hair is so out of order Her nails is l chipping in polish Got her caught up in the moment She probably can't even afford it But that is just not out problem! Haha Fuck, I forgot how to do this. Uh. Forgot all my gym etiquette I got a running album on But the track closed For the free trial Imma eat out And by that I mean Freestyle I be out side When I get midtown I ain't been down Since I came out The train station Screens, screens screens Someone please please please Fix me Seem to be Splitting at the seams seams seams I could scream, scream, scream Yes, I see me in the media I need, need, need Something to Ease ease ease me Like an easel Or Julius ceaser Jesus. There's no time I contemplate more On how strange the humanity is Then when working out Intensively. No longer really even interested In sexual relations as it ascertains I may just be the opposite of Satan And I just don't have the patience Or the taste for any sort of Romanticism or fantasies In a trance, I guess But I've been living in the trash, I guess Well, that was depressing. Yes, going all the way uptown And to equinox in the same day Is very often A lot. UPTOWN Yo. Wtf this place is gross. Eeeeeeeehh— GROSS. Uptown is quieter than my hood But full of dead things, I just dread these realizations, But to spread the disease is easy I'm in the red and queasy Meaning to get elevated But I made a play today What was I saying Lil bitz Bro I'm vegan but just got a cat And I did not realize shopping for cat food Would be a conflict of interest . Like, I know cats are carnivorous, I'm not dumb. But I'm discussing this with my AI assistant like, Trying to find a natural cruelty free brand, And she's like “Oh, here's some vegan cat food.” I was like, “Enough, white people!” I love white people— The good ones, you know. Not the *coughs heavily* Like, Those are obviously bad but like Mostly they're alright— Mostly cause of things like this: Vegan cat food! I'm a vegan! But imm like “Don't be dumb.” That's dumb. Cats are meat eaters. That's just vicious! And it's overpriced! I could see if you were cutting corners and skipping prices by like, Forgetting the meat, And this was like a nutritious, half priced alternative But no, Like most things that are vegan, It's double-priced. I'm like “Ahem, I was looking for cruelty-free brands! This by the price point alone is cruel! But I did not realize shopping for this on Amazon Would be such an entire conflict of interest, I'm like “Eughh!” “Gravy swirl” I'm like, “Gross.” And then I'm looking at the flavors like, Are people actually shopping for cat food, Like they're shopping for themselves? They're like “Oh bone-broth infused” That sounds good! “Chicken beef swirled flavor” I'm like “Eugh.” Like it is obnoxious and nasty, I must admit, I've been a Whole Foods shopper for too long I'm like “Hmm. How about sweet potato… like, pumpkin-cod?” No? Ah, here we are “Brown rice and fillet…” Classy. The Legend of Atticus Catticus Tales of a Superstar DJ LEGENDS: ICONS Ascension Deathwish Whatever Else On [The Festival Project ™ ] The Complex Collective © Copyright 2019 All Rights Reserved -Ū.

FR3∆KY FRÏD∆ŸS w/-Ū. - EP. 007 (LIVE)

[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 9, 2025 75:00

I was told specifically not to go to that grocery store anymore— but they had the rice noodles I liked. The thing was, actually, this time, they didn't— and so I knew my time was again coming to a close. I knew it would be the last time before I left, and regardless that I was going to leave anyway, but it felt like the last time— there were no rice noodles at all, and with my arms full of essentials, I figure listening to the voice in my head that told me not to do these things was probably for the best.'I can hear that.' But I was beginning to be rebellious in my actions and endeavors, because I simply wasn't making money, and this was making me not just sad, but actually very angry. {Enter The Multiverse} Professor Tannenbaum. Sir. Yikes. I'm sure I'm shown up at the Equinox Just for [someone] to torture me Cause for what? I'm dead broke, and not a [] blonde I'm on another trial Been tryin, but been a while It's too bad I'm too tired to run a mile I been Up all night It ain't right I hate New York I'm so sick of being broke But I still cannot find a job, I'm so certain that it's hell that I'm l surprised It's not on fire, But maybe all hell is for real l Is a cold heart world With no love in it Where you stop being inspired It's murder for hire with motorcycles And corrupt politicians So if I look a little older I'm smart to sue em So y'op wanna walk toward And cut me off Tryna get noticed by a God But I been only in New York So I'm humbled, mumble like i'm nobody But the no ones try to follow me I swallow all my humble cards I want to pick them up But just for once , I leave my garbage on the floor All these skanks Look like Hillary swank Come to thinking they slick tryna take the energy I make They all look like snakes Lazy But never cease to amaze me Walking up in the world I made Still tryna hate me. Thankfully, it's just a think tank to me and when the balance beam turns the tables on em I'm he back in my temple home; Now it's your turn to be homeless, Ya boneless serpent This is just a bonus l Cause I took a wrong turn But it was the right one Cause I got some rhymes done. Ya'll get off of my nuts Look, I got nine Trump cards Welcome to my dump, lards You're non recyclable! What can I say Besides, That I'm always correct Look at the thing that coughs she's gross and she don't have the touch The flight of love. The touch of god, The twist of the hand Or knowing from before But she benefits off of the blood The coughs The sign of the demons and dark ones It was already a done deal. I knew it was sort of a scam, or maybe even sometimes that rich white peoples had the worst demons of all— My fears had been confirmed the moment I walked in, someone coughing in that same disgusting way as I had been used to as soon as I approached the desk to activate my pass— but I knew as soon as I walked in that it was worth it; I would save everything that I had and sell my outdated DJ gear I wasn't using anyway, and I would take advantage of the offer to reinstate my membership; this would serve me so much more than my equipment was anyway. I wasn't getting along in the DJ world, and in fact after the cancellation of REQUISITE, the disrespect at [redacted] , and the techno Jew telling me my clothes and looks made me worthless in the industry, I considered he might have been right; I would be better off back where I started, at Equinox and broke but at least amongst the clean and quiet elite— this would raise my vibration and clear my headspace for something greater, eventually…even if it was just a job in luxury retail–going back to school or figuring out how to get behind the scene. My DJ days seemed to be over; I needed security and longevity, and I needed the opportunity to come back at the price with a one month advance desperately. Perhaps six weeks of training could jumpstart something better; I didn't know. But selling my equipment was worth it, because being a DJ was getting me nowhere but a quickly depleting supply of coconut water. Man wheezy for real And I don't even feel the pain Came a long way to Wayne I took the 2 train, Fell out of the truth Still trying to find 2 chainz But I went the wrong way I been up all day Somethings wrong, I should probably go to a hospital A long time ago I'm hoping that this tissue mass is cancer And it's fatal tho Fee like I'm inflatable Ain't no man is faithful yo I'll probably smoke a big ol bowl When I get back to heaven, man With a rebel yell, she cried: omg, a leg press. Feeling like, a little bit friendless Should probably get a wet wipe Should probably get some leg lifts in Should probably get the leg press in It's been a late one Should probably get some press ons Probably get my press kits done Should probably call it in But then again Don't got a home much longer Do I! Parallels, This shit is real I get it in for a second then Case dismissed I kept it innocent I went to equinox to reinvent myself A second Take a second thought, And then forgot— I'm at the wrong plaza Nooo? Noooo not [The Rock And The Kite, Part ☠️] The diabolical plan worked The motorcycles weakened the [trigger] bad, We really had her, Out on Brooklyn queens border She looks ten year older Her hair is so out of order Her nails is l chipping in polish Got her caught up in the moment She probably can't even afford it But that is just not out problem! Haha Fuck, I forgot how to do this. Uh. Forgot all my gym etiquette I got a running album on But the track closed For the free trial Imma eat out And by that I mean Freestyle I be out side When I get midtown I ain't been down Since I came out The train station Screens, screens screens Someone please please please Fix me Seem to be Splitting at the seams seams seams I could scream, scream, scream Yes, I see me in the media I need, need, need Something to Ease ease ease me Like an easel Or Julius ceaser Jesus. There's no time I contemplate more On how strange the humanity is Then when working out Intensively. No longer really even interested In sexual relations as it ascertains I may just be the opposite of Satan And I just don't have the patience Or the taste for any sort of Romanticism or fantasies In a trance, I guess But I've been living in the trash, I guess Well, that was depressing. Yes, going all the way uptown And to equinox in the same day Is very often A lot. UPTOWN Yo. Wtf this place is gross. Eeeeeeeehh— GROSS. Uptown is quieter than my hood But full of dead things, I just dread these realizations, But to spread the disease is easy I'm in the red and queasy Meaning to get elevated But I made a play today What was I saying Lil bitz Bro I'm vegan but just got a cat And I did not realize shopping for cat food Would be a conflict of interest . Like, I know cats are carnivorous, I'm not dumb. But I'm discussing this with my AI assistant like, Trying to find a natural cruelty free brand, And she's like “Oh, here's some vegan cat food.” I was like, “Enough, white people!” I love white people— The good ones, you know. Not the *coughs heavily* Like, Those are obviously bad but like Mostly they're alright— Mostly cause of things like this: Vegan cat food! I'm a vegan! But imm like “Don't be dumb.” That's dumb. Cats are meat eaters. That's just vicious! And it's overpriced! I could see if you were cutting corners and skipping prices by like, Forgetting the meat, And this was like a nutritious, half priced alternative But no, Like most things that are vegan, It's double-priced. I'm like “Ahem, I was looking for cruelty-free brands! This by the price point alone is cruel! But I did not realize shopping for this on Amazon Would be such an entire conflict of interest, I'm like “Eughh!” “Gravy swirl” I'm like, “Gross.” And then I'm looking at the flavors like, Are people actually shopping for cat food, Like they're shopping for themselves? They're like “Oh bone-broth infused” That sounds good! “Chicken beef swirled flavor” I'm like “Eugh.” Like it is obnoxious and nasty, I must admit, I've been a Whole Foods shopper for too long I'm like “Hmm. How about sweet potato… like, pumpkin-cod?” No? Ah, here we are “Brown rice and fillet…” Classy. The Legend of Atticus Catticus Tales of a Superstar DJ LEGENDS: ICONS Ascension Deathwish Whatever Else On [The Festival Project ™ ] The Complex Collective © Copyright 2019 All Rights Reserved -Ū.

FR3∆KY FRÏD∆ŸS w/-Ū. - EP. 007 (LIVE)

Gerald’s World.

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 9, 2025 75:00

I was told specifically not to go to that grocery store anymore— but they had the rice noodles I liked. The thing was, actually, this time, they didn't— and so I knew my time was again coming to a close. I knew it would be the last time before I left, and regardless that I was going to leave anyway, but it felt like the last time— there were no rice noodles at all, and with my arms full of essentials, I figure listening to the voice in my head that told me not to do these things was probably for the best.'I can hear that.' But I was beginning to be rebellious in my actions and endeavors, because I simply wasn't making money, and this was making me not just sad, but actually very angry. {Enter The Multiverse} Professor Tannenbaum. Sir. Yikes. I'm sure I'm shown up at the Equinox Just for [someone] to torture me Cause for what? I'm dead broke, and not a [] blonde I'm on another trial Been tryin, but been a while It's too bad I'm too tired to run a mile I been Up all night It ain't right I hate New York I'm so sick of being broke But I still cannot find a job, I'm so certain that it's hell that I'm l surprised It's not on fire, But maybe all hell is for real l Is a cold heart world With no love in it Where you stop being inspired It's murder for hire with motorcycles And corrupt politicians So if I look a little older I'm smart to sue em So y'op wanna walk toward And cut me off Tryna get noticed by a God But I been only in New York So I'm humbled, mumble like i'm nobody But the no ones try to follow me I swallow all my humble cards I want to pick them up But just for once , I leave my garbage on the floor All these skanks Look like Hillary swank Come to thinking they slick tryna take the energy I make They all look like snakes Lazy But never cease to amaze me Walking up in the world I made Still tryna hate me. Thankfully, it's just a think tank to me and when the balance beam turns the tables on em I'm he back in my temple home; Now it's your turn to be homeless, Ya boneless serpent This is just a bonus l Cause I took a wrong turn But it was the right one Cause I got some rhymes done. Ya'll get off of my nuts Look, I got nine Trump cards Welcome to my dump, lards You're non recyclable! What can I say Besides, That I'm always correct Look at the thing that coughs she's gross and she don't have the touch The flight of love. The touch of god, The twist of the hand Or knowing from before But she benefits off of the blood The coughs The sign of the demons and dark ones It was already a done deal. I knew it was sort of a scam, or maybe even sometimes that rich white peoples had the worst demons of all— My fears had been confirmed the moment I walked in, someone coughing in that same disgusting way as I had been used to as soon as I approached the desk to activate my pass— but I knew as soon as I walked in that it was worth it; I would save everything that I had and sell my outdated DJ gear I wasn't using anyway, and I would take advantage of the offer to reinstate my membership; this would serve me so much more than my equipment was anyway. I wasn't getting along in the DJ world, and in fact after the cancellation of REQUISITE, the disrespect at [redacted] , and the techno Jew telling me my clothes and looks made me worthless in the industry, I considered he might have been right; I would be better off back where I started, at Equinox and broke but at least amongst the clean and quiet elite— this would raise my vibration and clear my headspace for something greater, eventually…even if it was just a job in luxury retail–going back to school or figuring out how to get behind the scene. My DJ days seemed to be over; I needed security and longevity, and I needed the opportunity to come back at the price with a one month advance desperately. Perhaps six weeks of training could jumpstart something better; I didn't know. But selling my equipment was worth it, because being a DJ was getting me nowhere but a quickly depleting supply of coconut water. Man wheezy for real And I don't even feel the pain Came a long way to Wayne I took the 2 train, Fell out of the truth Still trying to find 2 chainz But I went the wrong way I been up all day Somethings wrong, I should probably go to a hospital A long time ago I'm hoping that this tissue mass is cancer And it's fatal tho Fee like I'm inflatable Ain't no man is faithful yo I'll probably smoke a big ol bowl When I get back to heaven, man With a rebel yell, she cried: omg, a leg press. Feeling like, a little bit friendless Should probably get a wet wipe Should probably get some leg lifts in Should probably get the leg press in It's been a late one Should probably get some press ons Probably get my press kits done Should probably call it in But then again Don't got a home much longer Do I! Parallels, This shit is real I get it in for a second then Case dismissed I kept it innocent I went to equinox to reinvent myself A second Take a second thought, And then forgot— I'm at the wrong plaza Nooo? Noooo not [The Rock And The Kite, Part ☠️] The diabolical plan worked The motorcycles weakened the [trigger] bad, We really had her, Out on Brooklyn queens border She looks ten year older Her hair is so out of order Her nails is l chipping in polish Got her caught up in the moment She probably can't even afford it But that is just not out problem! Haha Fuck, I forgot how to do this. Uh. Forgot all my gym etiquette I got a running album on But the track closed For the free trial Imma eat out And by that I mean Freestyle I be out side When I get midtown I ain't been down Since I came out The train station Screens, screens screens Someone please please please Fix me Seem to be Splitting at the seams seams seams I could scream, scream, scream Yes, I see me in the media I need, need, need Something to Ease ease ease me Like an easel Or Julius ceaser Jesus. There's no time I contemplate more On how strange the humanity is Then when working out Intensively. No longer really even interested In sexual relations as it ascertains I may just be the opposite of Satan And I just don't have the patience Or the taste for any sort of Romanticism or fantasies In a trance, I guess But I've been living in the trash, I guess Well, that was depressing. Yes, going all the way uptown And to equinox in the same day Is very often A lot. UPTOWN Yo. Wtf this place is gross. Eeeeeeeehh— GROSS. Uptown is quieter than my hood But full of dead things, I just dread these realizations, But to spread the disease is easy I'm in the red and queasy Meaning to get elevated But I made a play today What was I saying Lil bitz Bro I'm vegan but just got a cat And I did not realize shopping for cat food Would be a conflict of interest . Like, I know cats are carnivorous, I'm not dumb. But I'm discussing this with my AI assistant like, Trying to find a natural cruelty free brand, And she's like “Oh, here's some vegan cat food.” I was like, “Enough, white people!” I love white people— The good ones, you know. Not the *coughs heavily* Like, Those are obviously bad but like Mostly they're alright— Mostly cause of things like this: Vegan cat food! I'm a vegan! But imm like “Don't be dumb.” That's dumb. Cats are meat eaters. That's just vicious! And it's overpriced! I could see if you were cutting corners and skipping prices by like, Forgetting the meat, And this was like a nutritious, half priced alternative But no, Like most things that are vegan, It's double-priced. I'm like “Ahem, I was looking for cruelty-free brands! This by the price point alone is cruel! But I did not realize shopping for this on Amazon Would be such an entire conflict of interest, I'm like “Eughh!” “Gravy swirl” I'm like, “Gross.” And then I'm looking at the flavors like, Are people actually shopping for cat food, Like they're shopping for themselves? They're like “Oh bone-broth infused” That sounds good! “Chicken beef swirled flavor” I'm like “Eugh.” Like it is obnoxious and nasty, I must admit, I've been a Whole Foods shopper for too long I'm like “Hmm. How about sweet potato… like, pumpkin-cod?” No? Ah, here we are “Brown rice and fillet…” Classy. The Legend of Atticus Catticus Tales of a Superstar DJ LEGENDS: ICONS Ascension Deathwish Whatever Else On [The Festival Project ™ ] The Complex Collective © Copyright 2019 All Rights Reserved -Ū. FR3∆KY FRÏD∆ŸS w/-Ū. - EP. 007 (LIVE)

Fantastic Fouray - Episode 5: The Fantastic Four: First Steps

The Reel World Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2025 88:56

Kevin Ford is a Fantastic Four superfan who had never seen any of the theatrically released F4 Movies… until now! Each week Matt Waters guides him through uncharted territory as they rate the movies and try to build an all-star cast. And so we've come... to the eeeeend oooof the roooaaad.... Ahem. Sorry. Yes, the podcast is over already as we have completed the journey of Fantastic 4 films that currently exist. Do we finally have our first 'Reed'? How uncomfortable can Matt make everyone with oversharing? How have Mel Gibson and Jon Voight come up??? Come find out!

Quaranteam-Northwest: Part 8

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 30, 2025

Quaranteam-Northwest: Part 8 Summer Plans Based on a post by Break The Bar. Listen to the ► Podcast at Explicit Novels. At dinner I checked in with Ivy first, then Vanessa when she had finished for the day and joined us. I also made a point of stopping to check in with Dani to see what she was thinking about her new co-team members, who she thought would work out fine, and Kyla. "I think she's a lot quieter than the rest of us," Dani told me as we sat side by side near Leo's RV. "Which isn't a bad thing, obviously. She isn't as used to being around girls like us though. Erica worked with strippers because of her job, along with all sorts of other crazy people, so it's whatever for her. Kyla obviously isn't used to how open we all are about sex things." I pressed my lips together and nodded, watching her as she sat in a group with Erica, Vanessa and Aria chatting. She was obviously engaged, but didn't offer much to the conversation and seemed happy to listen. "Anything else?" I asked. "Anything weird come up?" "No. Should I be watching for something?" Danielle asked. "No, no," I assured her. "I just; Erica, Ivy, Vanessa; it's working. It's crazy, but it's working. I'm worried about Kyla messing that up." "It should be fine," Dani said, patting me on the shoulder. "Erica will Mom them into shape if things get out of whack, and if she's the problem you can just spank her until she apologizes." That made me snort and shake my head with a grin. "You and her talk too much." "Or maybe we don't talk enough," Dani grinned. We folded ourselves back into the larger conversations, me joining the group with Kyla while Dani went to sit with Leo, India and Ivy. As the sun was setting we busted out the fire pit and Vanessa pointed me towards the nearest brush piles I could harvest some wood from; it seemed she'd handily directed some of her workers to pile it within easy walking distance. Then, once the fire was crackling and we all had our drinks of choice, we told the new women our story. We started with Leo and I, then how Erica had joined us for quarantine. We both teased her about hearing her masturbating, which until that moment she hadn't realized had been the case and made her blush. Then we talked about the land lease, the construction, and the introduction of Dani, Vanessa, and Ivy. Vanessa told us how fucking crazy she thought we were at first, but after that first night around the fire she'd realized something weird but special was going on so she stopped judging and started getting a little jealous. Then Ivy told her perspective, stepping into a life with Erica and me. Then we had to tell the story of Vanessa joining us, which got rushed over really quickly and then had to be retold because even Dani hadn't gotten all the details. I'd purposefully sat beside Kyla around the fire, Erica taking the spot on the other side of me. As India and Aria started ragging on Vanessa for not giving them the full story in the initial car ride when they met her, Kyla leaned over to me. "Can we talk? In private?" "Sure," I said, nodding towards our RV. I leaned back in the other direction to Erica and kissed her cheek, and she met my eye and nodded. Inside the RV Kyla had taken the Murphey seat this time so I sat on the bench opposite her. "You still feeling alright?" I asked her. "No," she laughed. Inside, in the more steady light of the RV, I could see she was flushed even with her slightly darker Filipina skin. "I feel like I've got a fever, but it's concentrated in all my erogenous zones. I don't even like women but that story about Vanessa has me..." She blew out a long breath. "I don't know how much more sex talk I can take before I snap." "I can ask them to stop if you want. Or we can have that conversation if you think you're ready." "I'm; Yeah, I'm ready to talk," she said. She took another deep breath and sat up straighter, putting her hands on her knees like she was trying to focus herself. "You can ask anything you want, and I'll try to answer," I promised her. "I don't have questions," she said. "Well, I actually have lots of questions, but they aren't important right this second. Seeing you with Erica and Ivy, and meeting Vanessa. Hearing the way Leo and Danielle talk about you. I think I know what I'd be getting into if I do this with you. And to be honest, it sounds pretty greater considering the other options that the world seems to be moving toward right now. But I never want to be someone who just takes the easy thing because it's in front of them. I know a lot about you now, but you don't know much about me. And I'll tell you, pretty much anything you want to know, but there's something I need to know if you're Okay with. More than my past, more than whatever your government is worried about." "The only way to know is to ask," I said, trying not to let my own nerves out. Kyla, who had been steady throughout the day, was showing signs of anxiety amidst her hard pressure to keep herself under control. "If I don't like it, we can try and find someone else as soon as possible." "I don't want,” She bit her tongue, cutting herself off, and took a breath. "Harrison. If I do this, if I imprint on you, this is my out. I've been doing everything my father wanted since I was a kid. The only escape I ever had was through dance, and even that he took control of to make sure I was getting the best lessons and tutors and going to the best camps and schools. And even then, he and NICA used it as well. My entire life I've been pushed and trained and taught and used because I didn't matter and my country and my service did. I want a new life, Harri. But I want that life the way I want it. I want a big family. I was an only child, and my parents tolerated each other at best in a political marriage. I want six kids at least, more if we can. Fuck, I'll pop out an even dozen and be happy. Or maybe not, maybe I'll be happy earlier than that, but I know I want a lot of kids to love on and raise in a big, supportive family. "If you can handle that, and if Erica can handle that because I know she's going to need to agree to it too, then I swear to God I'll be loyal to you and only to you. My father, NICA, my country; I can leave them all behind and in the dust if you can promise me we'll try to make my dream life happen. And I promise I'll be the best, hottest housewife I can be for as long as you can keep me barefoot and pregnant. I'll make sure I'm fit and tight and everything I can be for you in between pregnancies, but God I want this, Harri. I've never told anyone this before, but I want it so fucking bad." I didn't know what to say. She was practically sobbing in her earnest desire for what she was asking. I just slid down to my knees on the floor of the RV and wrapped my arms around her and Kyla clutched at me as she panted hard. Not crying, but desperately trying to control herself. "Kyla, I would be an extremely lucky man if I can give that all to you," I said. "And I want to tell you yes right away, but you're right. I do need to check with Erica first. Do you want me to call her in to ask her now?" She hesitated a moment, then nodded and sat back on the chair, sucking in a deep and unsteady breath. I stood up and opened the RV door, sticking my head out. All three of my women looked over to me and I made what I hoped was a reassuring smile, then locked eyes with Erica and motioned her over with a head jerk. She joined us, shutting the RV door behind her. "What's up?" she asked. "Everything Okay?" I looked at Kyla. "Do you want me to ask, or you?" "I; You," she said after hesitating. I turned to Erica and reached out, holding her hand. "So, I know we had our conversation earlier, but I didn't realize this was coming or maybe we would have talked about it more seriously. Kyla is ready to join us, but she has an ask. Because of her own family past, one thing she wants more than anything is to have kids. A whole bunch of them. So she wants to know if you and I are Okay with that and willing for that to happen, or if we should try to find her someone else who can help her get the life she wants." Erica's eyes had widened as I was speaking and her jaw worked a few times before she could find the right words. Then she turned to Kyla and looked at her for a long, long moment before putting a hand on her shoulder. "That's the most important thing for you?" she asked quietly. Kyla nodded, then looked up to meet Erica's gaze. "More than anything else. And I want to do that with Harrison; God, I haven't even known him a day but it's like I can see it right there in front of me. He'd make a great husband and an even better father. I just know he's yours more than either of the others, and I couldn't risk saying yes to him without you saying yes to this." "God, fuck," Erica sighed, and I realized she was tearing up as well. She looked to me. "Yes, obviously, if it's what she needs then yes. But I guess now I need to stop taking the pill because I'm not just gonna sit by and not be in the running for the first mother of your child." Now it was my turn to be surprised. "But we just,” She kissed me to shut me up. "It doesn't matter," she said. "I love you, you love me. If the world implodes and we're all shot off into space, I still won't regret making a kid with you." She turned to Kyla. "Are you going to love him?" "I'm going to try," she said. "And I'll work harder at it than my parents ever did." "Then yes," Erica said. "But, and I'll only ever say this once and you need to listen to me closely, if this isn't the truth and you hurt Harrison or me or anyone else here then I swear to everything in heaven and hell that I will end you. Do we understand each other?" Kyla nodded, taking her seriously. "I do, and I won't." "Okay," Erica said, and leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "You clearly need a fuck, so unless you've suddenly turned Bi then I should leave you to it." She turned to me and kissed me hard, and I hugged her to keep her close. "You're sure?" I asked her in a whisper. She nodded. "Rock her world, babe. Show her why she's one of the four luckiest women on the planet." She kissed my cheek, squeezed my fingers in hers, and then stepped away and out of the RV. Kyla looked like she was going to jump out of her seat. "So,” I started. Kyla stood up abruptly and grabbed me by the face, smashing her plush lips to mine. I naturally grabbed her by the waist as we started making out right there in the middle of the RV. She'd been wearing that bulky coverall the entire day and now she started to scramble to try and get it unzipped and off at the same time as trying to get me to get my shirt off, which just turned into an awkward mess of her hands moving back and forth between us. "Stop, stop," I murmured, pulling my lips from hers. She actually whined a little in her throat and then blinked in surprise at her own reaction. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist as I carried her back towards the bed. Like this, she was taller than me and she bent down to kiss me some more, making it hard for me to navigate. Thankfully it was a straight shot, and there wasn't a lip at the door to the bedroom area that I needed to duck under or step over. I found the bed with my shin and stopped and lowered her down onto it so we lay somewhere in the middle, me on top of her as we kept making out. Once we were done I pulled away and tugged off my shirt. "Fuck," she groaned, looking at me hungrily. "Not what you're used to?" I asked. She shook her head. "No, so much better." She raised her hands to my stomach and up to my chest, letting her fingers play through my chest hair. I couldn't help myself and I reached down and unzipped the coverall down to her belly button. Underneath, all she had on was a set of black bra and panties. On the one hand, I was starting to get mesmerized by her body very quickly, but on the other, I remembered in the back of my mind that she hadn't arrived with any luggage. I lifted her from under her arms and she let me help her pull the coveralls off, then raised her ass so I could pull them from her legs as well. I crashed back down onto her, now feeling her smooth skin on mine. Her body was everything I would have expected from a dancer; smooth and sleek all over, with toned muscling and a sort of feline grace as she moved around. "Where; are; your clothes; and things?" I asked between kisses. "They said; they would bring; them up; from Cali,” she replied. Then she stopped the kissing and looked up at me. "Seriously, I've got this fucking craving for your cock right now like I can't believe, Harri. I need you to fuck me so fucking bad." "Okay," I said, and then kissed her again as I reached under her to unsnap her bra. When she realized what I wanted she didn't even bother with the snap, she just yanked the black cups off her tits and the whole thing over her head. Her tits were a perfect size for my big hands to palm, a bit bigger than Ivy's but much smaller than Erica's, and her dark brown areolas were smooth and a little puffy, with two perfect nubs for nipples. I sucked on one, feeling how hard they were, but she was stretching to try and get my shorts off of me. She needed the imprinting. We could always explore each other more in the future. I leaned away from her, one hand still on her tit and holding her down, as I shoved down my shorts and boxers. For her part, she pushed her panties down to her knees and I pulled them the rest of the way off. Her cunt was a gorgeous brown, flushed darker than the skin above and slick with her chemically-induced horniness. Even her clit hood was a little pulled back, the softer pink of her clit just visible from being swollen. She was entirely bare, and I wondered if that was a personal choice or a seduction tactic she'd been told to follow. Not that I cared at the moment. I wanted to eat her out and taste her. I wanted to make this last, to wow her like Erica had said. Fuck, let's be real, I wanted to impress the seductive honey trap spy with my sex skills. "Fuck my brains out," Kyla demanded. "Fuck me until I can only ever think of you. Take me and make me yours, you fucking massive wall of American god." I could impress her later. Her cunt accepted my cock like a perfectly tailored suit. I slid in, and even though she was tight and her muscles were firm as hell as they clenched at me she was also extremely willing. That changed when I was almost all the way in though, but not from want of trying. Kyla came, her entire body rolling and arching as her cunt clenched down enough to almost start forcing my cock out. She grabbed me around the shoulder and hugged herself up, clinging to me, and her hips roiled as she thrust hard up and down. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her lips curled in an ugly snarl for a long moment, until the orgasm passed and she let go of me, falling a couple of inches back to the bed with a 'whumph.' "H-Holy fuck," she panted, looking up at me in confusion. "What was that? That,” She blinked rapidly. "Did no one tell you about the first orgasm?" I asked her. She shook her head, still blinking like she was trying to gain her focus. "Fuck me and tell me," she said. I started to slow-thrust, enjoying the delicious warmth of her as I leaned down a bit more, pressing my full body against hers as she spread her legs wider for me. "They told Erica in the information session that she should expect a massive orgasm the first time she ingested a man's precum, and the biggest one of her life when they ingest their actual cum." "She got an information session?" Kyla panted, looking slightly alarmed. "You didn't?" I asked, equally alarmed. We'd both stopped thrusting at each other, not sure what to do. "Fuck it, fucking fuck me," she said and rolled her body to get my cock deeper inside her again. I wasn't going to argue with that. We fucked like that, mutually, for a bit and then I took some more control and went up high on my hands for better leverage and started to fuck her harder. Kyla moaned and panted beneath me, then raised her lips up and sucked on one of my nipples, which was an oddly pleasurable surprise, and then she took some of my hairy pec muscle between her teeth and bit me lightly as she came again. "Ow," I said when she dropped back to the bed again. "Sorry," she panted. "I just; you're really fucking good." Huh, maybe I can impress the spy, I thought. "I'm getting closer," I told her. I'd had... well, not the most amount of sex I'd had in a day, but a bunch, so I wasn't entirely surprised I was lasting as long as I was. "Do you want to try something else?" "I want to try everything with you," she gasped and kissed me. "But... let me..." I disengaged with her, which made her moan like a whore, and she scrambled around on the bed until she was at the bottom corner on her back. Then she spread her legs wide into a full split, and then even wider until she had one leg practically parallel with her torso and the other was way out to the other side. If she was a clock, she would have been showing 10 o'clock. "Fuck me hard. Use my hole," she said, licking her lips. "Get your cock back inside; yes! Oh, fuck, Harrison. Make my cunt fucking squirm. Make your cunt squirm. It's yours now. I'm yours. My whole body. Fuck! I've never felt it like this before. I've never felt anything like this." I was crushing down into her in big, hard strokes and I could feel her cunt squishing with her juices and my balls slapping against her ass cheeks. I was hovering over her and a bead of sweat had trailed down to the end of my nose. Kyla opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out, licking it off of me. I lowered the rest of the way to her and kissed her hard, then hugged her tightly as I started pumping short and quick, barely leaving her cunt. "I can't wait to fall in love with you," I whispered to her. "I can't wait to make babies with you, and start a family." "Do it," she gasped. "Put a baby in me. Make my womb yours forever. Breed me, make me your breeding wife-whore. Love me, may-ari. Oh, fucking; that's what you are, you beautiful big bastard. You're my may-ari. My owner. I choose you. I choose; I,” I couldn't have stopped from coming in her if my life depended on it. She was pushing towards her own orgasm already, and her years of dance and other physical activity had turned her core into a vice that sucked at my cock like a hoover. I came as she lost her grip on her words, chanting about choosing me. She came as well, a scream quenched in her throat as her entire body flexed and tensed. I filled her up, releasing over and over in her, but I finished before she did and just went right back to fucking her since my cock hadn't gone soft yet and she was still coming. I only stopped when she went slack, her legs falling back to a more natural position, and her face went from that clenched teeth-gritting tension to a soft, satisfied smile. "Imprinting. Imprinting. Imprinting." I pulled away from her slowly, making sure she wasn't going to fall from the bed, and found that the entire bottom corner and the edge of the mattress were wet and sticky with juices. Along with my legs, crotch and hips. "Great, another squirter," I sighed. Not that I actually minded, but it just meant we'd be doing even more laundry in the tiny machine the RV held. I stood and, once I felt like I could be coordinated enough, I picked Kyla up in a cradle and lifted her higher on the bed and tucked her in. She was in the fetal position, still mumbling the imprinting sequence with that smile. I had to grab a new pair of shorts since mine had ended up in the splash zone, and I didn't bother putting on a shirt but did wipe myself down with some wet paper towel. Stumbling out of the RV, I was greeted by catcalls and applause. Looking around, the fire was still going and someone had stocked it higher with wood. Erica, Dani and Vanessa were all sitting in the Adirondack chairs, and Ivy was sitting curled up in Erica's lap. "Where are Leo and the girls?" I asked, trying my best not to let them show the embarrassment I knew they were going for with their teasing. "Aria and India were going to fuck, and invited Leo to watch," Dani smirked. "So I assume he's in there either jerking off, or fucking." "I don't need to picture that," Erica rolled her eyes. I stepped over and kissed Vanessa as she leaned her head back and reached up to hug me around the neck. Then I slipped around the circle to Ivy and Erica and kissed both of them. Dani opened her arms to me as well, so I hugged her and she kissed my cheek. "Congrats," she said as I pulled away. "Pops." "Oh, God," I groaned and looked at Erica. "You told them?" "Was I supposed to keep it a secret?" she countered. "I needed to talk it out with someone." Vanessa had stood from her chair and gestured for me to take her seat and went inside the RV, coming back out with some more beers. She passed them around and then sat on my lap similar to the way Ivy was with Erica. We sat that way for a while talking as the night sky played out above us. I'd always loved looking up at the sky out on the property, away from any major sources of light pollution. Now spotlights were lighting up the construction area a hundred yards away, where men and women were working through the night. The view was dimmed, and I wondered if it would ever be as clear again as it had been a month ago. Dani slipped off to bed first, and Vanessa grumbled that she had to be up in the morning for work so the rest of us went quickly. We never had discussed the sleeping arrangements, so I ended up sleeping next to Kyla, with Erica pressing her back to my side and holding my arm under her and around her stomach, with Vanessa spooning up to her and Ivy on the end on her back, snuggled partially under Vanessa. I knocked on the door and set the two big brown paper bags down on the stoop and backed away. The house wasn't 'old' per se, located in a neighborhood that had been developed almost twenty-five years ago, and hadn't been updated since it was first built. To be fair, there hadn't ever exactly been a housing boom in the area, so other than the one-off builds it was probably one of the newest places around. The inner front door opened and Mary looked out cautiously, then in surprise as she saw me. She hadn't texted me like I'd asked her to, and it had almost been a week since I'd seen her in the parking lot at the grocery store. She looked a little better, though not by much, and I wondered how far she'd been able to stretch that $70 I'd been able to give her then. "Harri?" she asked in surprise. "Hey, Mary," I said with a little wave. "How did you; Is this;?" "It wasn't that hard, Mary," I said. "I just made a couple of calls. You never texted me." "I know, I,” she hesitated, and then hung her head. "I was so embarrassed." "You don't need to be," I told her. "You're in a tough spot, and I'm not. I want to help out." "Mom? Who's at the door?" came a little voice from inside. A boy poked his head around Mary's hip, looking cute and curious. "It's an old friend of Mommies," Mary said. "He's just here to say hello." "Hey there buddy," I said, smiling as I pulled my mask down and waved, then let the mask snap back up and played like it had rocked me. The kid giggled. "My name is Harrison, but everyone calls me Harri on account of my big beard and hair." "That's a funny name," the kid said. "If you got rid of your beard, what would they call you?" "Hmm, that's a good question!" I said. "I don't know. Maybe you should ask your Mom, she knew me when I didn't have a beard." "We still called him Harri, baby," Mary said, smiling down at the boy and running her fingers through his hair. The kid had keen eyes and noticed the bags on the stoop and the food inside. "Is that for us?" "It is, kiddo," I said. "Could you help your Mom get it inside?" "Sure!" he said. Mary sighed and opened the screen door for him, and the kid came out in his socks and hefted up one of the bags and started carrying it in. "Harri, you don't need to,” "I made sure there are some snacks for the kids in there," I said, pretending like she hadn't been talking. "I know they aren't nutritious, but I figured you can bribe some good behavior for some Oreos and stuff every once in a while. There's also a bottle of merlot in that other one there, so you may not want the kiddo to lift it. He's a cute kid, by the way. I've got an order in down at the butcher's that I'm supposed to pick up tomorrow, so I'll be by sometime tomorrow afternoon with some meat for you guys too. Maybe I can meet your little girl then? Charlie, right?" Mary looked like she was about to cry, and I didn't want to push her over the edge so I tried to make it all like it wasn't a big deal. "Alright, Mary. See you tomorrow. Let me know if you need anything specific and I'll see what I can do, alright? Tell the kiddo not to eat all the gummy worms at once." I was halfway down the driveway to my truck when the screen door opened again. "Harri," Mary called. I looked back and she was standing on the porch, looking at me with tears brimming in her eyes and a happy frown on her face. From this distance, without a mask, I could still see her as the little button-nosed cheerleader I'd known. "Thank you." I just winked and waved, heading back to my truck. "That was really kind of you," Kyla said as I got in. "It's nothing," I said. "I knew her in high school and her husband's been missing for a while." Kyla took one of my hands from the steering wheel and wrapped her fingers in mine, looking at it. The casual intimacy was still new; the first couple days after her imprinting had been us feeling each other out, and her getting comfortable with the general openness to sex that was our new life. I'd made it a point to spend time with her, both sexually and non-sexually, each day and we were slowly starting to find a soft groove. "That's still kindness, Harri," she said. "You're sure she needs it? I don't want to see you getting taken advantage of." "I'm sure," I said. "Okay," Kyla nodded. "Then we'll help her. Now, let's continue this tour. I want to know everything I can about this little podunk, backwoods town I've been shipped off to." "Well, the first thing you should know is that I'm pretty sure it isn't big enough to be considered a town. Maybe a village?" "Oh, God," she laughed. "Not if you consider all the construction workers moving in." "True. I bet we're close to half-againing the local population at this point. Vanessa said we'll hit a thousand by the end of the week." "With that many," Kyla said. "We should have our house in, what, a few months?" "No idea," I said. "No fucking idea." "Fuck, it's already June," I groaned. It was hot as balls and I was regretting putting on my 'go out into the world' getup. "How did you miss the 1st?" Erica asked, also done up in her gear. "How did we miss Memorial Day?" I countered. "Oh, shit," Leo said, standing up from where he'd been sitting over near his RV. "You're right, we did miss Memorial Day. Should we do something?" "Like what?" I asked. "We could throw a party," Ivy suggested. "We could all dress up fancy and have a dance?" The surveyors had been needing Leo and me less and less lately and I was starting to get a little twitchy with how little I had to do. Quarantine before all of this really kicked off had been one thing, but now we didn't even have our big wide backyard to ourselves. When Erica had mentioned that she wanted to take a drive into Portland to pick up some things from the tattoo parlor and check her apartment I'd jumped on the chance and we'd made the plan. The girls were already starting to excitedly talk about planning our late Memorial Day celebration as I stretched and sighed, checking my watch. We'd been planning to leave right after lunch and it was already 3pm. Vanessa had taken an extended break since she'd worked late the night before and we'd had some one-on-one fun in the RV, which had been sorely needed for her. Where the rest of us were struggling to find things to keep busy and motivated, the last week had seen more and more responsibility and work landing in Vanessa's lap as the construction crews started to show up and move into the barracks. It meant there was an entirely new crew of cleaners, maintenance workers and delivery people under her supervision along with her 'gorillas.' Not to mention her wrangling of the other foremen and administrators on-site as her father handled the top-end details of the job. Every day it seemed like new equipment and supplies were being delivered and a third barracks was quickly being erected as even more hands were around. But an hour with Vanessa had delayed us, and when I was finally ready to go Dani was busy with Leo over at their place, and since she was coming with us Erica and I had to wait. Then Erica and Kyla were ensconced in a private conversation in our RV when Dani emerged ready to go, so we lost another half hour before the three of us were all finally dressed and prepped to leave. "Okay," I said loudly, trying to cut through the multiple party-related conversations. "We're all agreed we'll do a Memorial Day thing, but we're burning daylight. Erica and Dani, let's go." We took my truck, only needing one vehicle since we weren't hauling a ton of stuff like the last time. As we pulled around the site offices I spotted Vanessa walking with one of the other foremen in conversation and gave her a little double honk. She smiled and waved. Driving down the old driveway path there were now a half dozen wide offshoots winding off into the trees and closer to the highway there were big swathes of ground that had been cleared and were starting to get flattened by scrapers and excavators. Vanessa had mentioned that we'd end up with a couple of strip malls worth of stores to help provide for the eventual community; a convenience store, a clinic, a dentist, that sort of thing. Right at the end of the driveway a guard hut had been erected, little more than a fancy roadside fruit stall that could barely fit two people inside. I pulled up next to it and Erica rolled down the window. "Hey Patrick," I said, waving to the construction worker manning the booth and tracking the ins and outs. "Hey folks," the older guy said with a grin. He was supposed to be on the road crews but had arrived earlier than needed. I'd asked him once if standing in the guard booth all day working a clipboard was boring and he assured me that after three decades manning a 'Slow/Stop' sign in the middle of roads through sun, rain and sleet, the booth and the clipboard were welcome. "We'll be out for a few hours," I said. "Sounds good," he replied and made a note on his clipboard. Then he wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat, blinking. "Y'all didn't say anything about how bad the pollen got up here. I think my allergies are kicking up and I didn't bring any of my meds, I thought the North West was supposed to be wet." "It usually is. We'll pick you something up," Erica offered. "We need to stop at a pharmacy anyways." "We do?" I asked. "We do," Erica said, patting me on the knee. "Hah," Patrick laughed. "And here I thought you was some sort of Big Dog, Harri. But you're as whipped by your women as the rest of us." "See you in a bit, Patrick," I said. He waved us off, then covered his mouth to cough a little. "Poor guy," Dani said. "I'd hate if I had allergies like that." "We'll get him fixed up," I said as I pulled onto the highway and started heading in the direction of Portland. "It's been weirdly dry and hot so I'm betting the dust from the brush cutting is doing it to him." And I didn't think anything more of it. Erica unlocked the metal grate that pulled down over the front of the tattoo parlor and lifted it up on the rollers enough to uncover the door. The good news was that the whole thing with the 'Autonomous Zone' seemed to have burned itself out and Portland was no longer hosting big protests at the moment. The bad news was that only happened after a week of riots and several news-worthy moments of violence and vandalism. Thankfully the parlor wasn't on one of the major routes the riots had travelled down and there didn't seem to be any damage other than sprayed graffiti on the grate and some of the glass windows behind it. I'd pulled my truck right up over the curb and parked us as close as possible. The streets were as empty of people moving around as the last time we'd come into the city, except there was more trash. I'd seen old newsreels of when there had been major strikes in New York City back in the early 80s and it wasn't exactly that bad, but another couple of weeks and it might get there. Someone must have been doing collections, they were just overburdened or understaffed or something. I had to nudge a pile out of the way with the front of my truck to wedge into the open space, but it almost immediately proved worth it as a trio of ambulances came burning down the street with their lights running. If I'd parked on the street one of them would have needed to swerve out of the way and who knew if those extra seconds would be the difference between life or death for someone; not to mention the potential of the ambulance not swerving fast enough and clipping my truck. Inside the tattoo parlor Erica went straight to her bay and started unhooking and gathering her equipment. Dani was looking around at the place, grinning as she examined the wild decor. She would call out questions to Erica, who would tell her who had done what mural, or the brief story behind the broken surfboard hanging from the ceiling and the skateboard deck covered in almost a hundred different signatures. I spotted a photo on the wall and realized it was of Erica and all of her staff at the most recent DragonCon where they had put up a booth and done live tattooing. Erica had said beforehand she thought it might be a waste of time, but the owner of the parlor was a huge nerd and wanted to do it so it was her job to organize. I never had found out how it went, but she looked happy in the photo. I grabbed the frame from the wall and brought it over to her. "Do you want to bring this, too?" I asked. She glanced at it and paused her work, then smiled and hugged me. "That's sweet, Harri. Yes, absolutely." She took the frame and put it in one of the boxes we'd brought for her to carry stuff, then turned to me. "Hey, could you just empty all those drawers there into the boxes? Don't just dump them, but there isn't anything particularly fragile. It's mostly inks and cleaner solutions and stuff." "Sure," I said. "Thanks, babe," she said and kissed my cheek. "Dani and I are just going to slip through to next door." "Oh, God," I groaned. I hadn't realized that was her plan. "Don't worry," she grinned. "It'll all be fun for you, I promise." The owner of the tattoo parlor also owned the sex shop next door and had installed a door between the two since the clientele crossed over fairly consistently. Erica led Dani through the door, opening it with her key, and I could hear them laughing and giggling. By the time I was done with the drawers Erica had pointed out, placing what seemed like hundreds of little vials and bottles of inks and other liquids into the boxes along with some other art supplies, they hadn't come back. I went to the door and opened it, looking in. Erica glanced over, grinning as she held another box and Dani was placing something inside. "You want any porn, babe?" "What do I need porn for?" I asked. "I dunno," she said. "Variety?" "Ooh, this one is called 'Big Black Booties 15,'" Dani said, grabbing a DVD from a nearby shelf and waving it at me. "You don't have that kind of variety yet, Harri." I snorted and shook my head. "I'm perfectly happy with the booties at my disposal, thank you." Dani shrugged and put the DVD in the box. "I'll see if Leo wants it." "Gag!" Erica laughed, making them both start giggling. I had a feeling that was a running joke between them. "How are we paying for this stuff?" I asked. "Everything is turned off and we don't have any cash." "Artie told me I could Venmo him at a 75% discount," Erica said. "Plus anything with an expiry date I could have for free. So we've got a lot of lube now, along with a bunch of penis-shaped candy and some candy underwear." I sighed and shook my head. "Oh my God, we should take her with us," Dani said, pointing up on a high shelf where a creepily lifelike sex doll was sitting. "I think you mean rescue her," Erica said. "Harri, help me get her down." "Really?" I asked. "Yes," they both demanded. When we packed up the truck we had two boxes of Erica's tattoo gear and other possessions from the shop, another full box of Sex Shop stuff, and Dani was sitting in the back next to 'Sexy Susan' who had also happened to get dressed in a sexy nurse costume. They thought it was fucking hilarious, I just thought 'Sexy Susan' was a little creepy. Dani stayed down in the truck, taking the front seat as I pointed out that the 1911 was in its case under the passenger seat if she needed it, while Erica and I headed up to her apartment. The elevator had an 'out of order' sign on it, and Erica had to use her key to the building to get into the stairwell which she said she'd never had to do before. That was an immediate red flag to me, but I kept my cool to try and not worry her. "You know," Erica said as we climbed the stairs. All our sex cardio seemed to be paying off because we weren't puffing from the exertion yet. "You haven't officially asked me to move in yet." "What?' I asked. "Leo and I,” "That wasn't asking me to move in permanently," Erica cut me off. "That was just for quarantine." I rolled my eyes, knowing where she was going with this. At the next floor I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to me, pulling down my mask and hers and kissing her hard and deep. "Erica Lacosta, will you move in with me forever and ever?" I asked her. "Yes," she grinned. "Yes, I will." She kissed me lightly to seal it, then sighed and we raised our masks and started climbing more stairs. "With that out of the way, I should really try and find a way out of my lease. Just because you have money doesn't mean I should be wasting mine on a place I'm not ever planning on moving back into." "I'll help with some research," I said. "I know there's all the clamor about halting eviction notices, but maybe there's something that will help. I could text Miriam, see if Captain Bloomberg knows anything offhand." "Hmm, maybe,” Erica started, but stopped as we reached her floor and found that door locked as well. "What the fuck?" she sighed and unlocked it. "Let me go first," I said. "Why? It's just..." As we entered the corridor Erica trailed off, seeing the tracks of dirty footprints in the hall and the spray paint on the walls. She immediately started to move forward, but I grabbed her arm and stopped her. "Wait," I said. "Look." I pointed at the big circles on the walls next to each door, but she clearly didn't understand what I was pointing out. "Those are FEMA search and rescue marks." Erica blinked once and was obviously unsure of what to say. "Let's just take it slow," I said. We walked down the hallway. Some of the doors were shut, but others looked like they'd been kicked in. "What do they mean?" Erica asked me, looking at the circles and the scribbles of letters and numbers on the walls. Each circle had an X dividing it into four parts, and each quadrant was marked. "The top part is the date the location was searched," I said. "5-24 means it happened May 24th, so a little over a week and a half ago. The left side is who did the search, the numbers are probably a military code for a National Guard unit. If it said PPD that would be the Portland police, or CDC or DEA or whoever. The right side is if there are any hazards." I pointed to one of the doors that were kicked in. "NE means 'No Entry.'" Then I pointed to another. "F/W means there's contaminated food and water." I pointed at another door, this one wasn't kicked in. "A 0 means no hazards. "What are the bottom parts?" Erica asked. I frowned and swallowed. "The crossed 0 means no one found. DB or DOA means dead bodies. LB means live people are, or were, inside." Erica looked at the carnage of the corridor, her eyes scanning the doors of her neighbors as she weighed the number of DBs. There weren't many 0s, but about half of the apartments were labelled LB and hadn't been kicked open. Half. We got to Erica's place around the hall corner, passing the old lady Diane's door. It was kicked in and labelled NE, DB. Erica poked the door with her boot and it swung in. Inside, other than the dirty boot prints, it looked generally neat and tidy... other than the pool of dark something that had dried on the kitchen linoleum. I grabbed Erica and held her as she gasped and her knees went weak. I pulled her away from the door and she saw that her own apartment had also been kicked in, but was labelled 0 hazards and 0 bodies. We went in and she sat down on the couch, burying her head in her hands. Kneeling in front of her, I cradled her head on my shoulder and hugged her tightly as the reality of the world settled on her. She cried, though not as long as she probably needed, as I talked her through what had probably happened. Enough people had gotten sick and called emergency services that they came to do a sweep of the building. They knocked on every door, and anywhere someone didn't answer they kicked it in. Then I assumed they had extracted the bodies. "I need to get out of here," Erica breathed. "Okay," I said. "Do you need me to grab anything? Did we forget anything last time?" "No, nothing," she shook her head. "Just get me out of here." I picked her up and carried her out. Erica wasn't Ivy or Vanessa, or even Kyla. She was a full-figured woman. But I carried her every fucking step, down every stair. She stopped me right at the doors to the building and had me let her down. "I don't want Dani to see me like this," she said. "Why?" I asked. "She would understand." "I know," she said, blinking under her ski goggles. "But if she sees me like this, she'll start thinking about what might be happening back home for her, and she doesn't need that." I held Erica's hand at the door for another minute as she breathed deeply and got control of herself, and finally she smiled at me and it actually travelled up to her eyes. "Thanks, babe," she said. "Love you," I said. "You too," she said and touched her forehead to mine since we were both masked and goggled. "Hey, Charlie," I grinned, waving to the little four-year-old as she sprawled in Mary's arms and waved back with her little grin. "Hi," she chirped. "Okay," Mary said, setting her daughter down. "Scoot, you. Let Mommy talk with Harri for a second. Go see what your brother is doing." "Okay," Charlie said and pounded off in the way only a four-year-old could. "You're looking more like yourself, Mary," I said. I was standing off the porch and we kept the screen door closed, but I had my mask lowered so she could see my face. She smiled softly and shrugged. "I don't feel like it, but thanks." "How are the kids doing?" I asked. "Well, I regret letting them eat sugar again," she smirked a little. "But they're good. Better than me, anyways, though Thomas misses his friends from school and keeps asking when he can go back to class." She laughed and wiped under one eye. "He used to hate going to school every morning, now it's all he wants to do." "We'll get there eventually," I assured her. "What about you? How are you doing?"

Quaranteam-Northwest: Part 3

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 26, 2025

Quaranteam-Northwest: Part 3 Change of Pace, Change of Place. Based on a post by Break The Bar. Listen to the ► Podcast at Explicit Novels. I'm pretty sure it was only for a moment, but it could have been a couple minutes. When I came to, I was still inside Erica, and still mostly hard. I pulled out and was quickly followed by our leaking mess spilling onto the sheets. Erica didn't move, except for heavy breathing. Then she rolled onto her side, legs coming up into a fetal position, ass pointed back at me. Her messy, cummy twat peeked at me between her legs and butt cheeks. Sitting back on my ass, I blinked a few times and tried to re-center myself until I gave up and fell backwards, breathing hard and looking up at the ceiling. "God damn, E," I said. "That was something fucking else." No response. I rolled over, dragging myself up to lay next to her. "Erica?" Her eyes were closed and she was looking comfortable, if a little cold laying over the sheets. Her lips were moving, and when I got close enough it sounded like she was whispering, "Imprinting," over and over. "That's kinda fucked up," I said quietly, looking at her otherwise still face. She sounded like a computer program reporting on a status. The only thing that kept me from freaking out was the big, contented smile on her lips. I kissed her forehead, trying not to think about quite how fucked up things were, and then I rolled off the bed and stood up. Underwear and pants went back on, and I crossed the hall to the bathroom where I got a wet, warm washcloth and a towel. I returned to the room and carefully wiped down Erica's twat and ass of our mixed fluids, then wrapped her in a towel and picked her up. I carried her down the hall to my room and managed to get her under the covers. I'll admit, I also gave her tits another soft grope, just to convince myself this was all real. God, they're awesome. Leo was out of the house, which on second thought made me realize what I'd just done. I'd fucked his sister, and we hadn't really held back at all. If he and I had been hearing the 'biz' and soft moans of Erica masturbating I can only imagine the sounds that had been coming down through the old wooden timbers of the house. "Fuck," I sighed. Hopefully he had gone out to the workshop before we'd gotten started. It was still the middle of the afternoon so I went back to packing. It was weird, sorting through everything in the house. Also fucking annoying because I didn't even have many boxes to pack with, and I couldn't exactly just run out to the liquor or hardware store to get some. It was strange; I'd lived in the house for much of my life, and I'd lived in it with Leo for the past five years, but I still found traces of my parents and grandparents I hadn't thought about in ages. It had to have been an hour or two later when Leo came back into the house. He had rings of sweat on his t-shirt and looked like he was ready to punch something. "Hey," I said. I was kneeling down in the living room, busy scooping old VHS tapes out from the back of one of the big cupboards. They hadn't seen the light of day in probably twenty years, but I also felt like it was a waste to throw them out. Leo just looked at me from the doorway, kicking off his boots. "That was fucked up," I said. "Yeah, it was," he said. "You know I wouldn't just pump and dump her," I said. Leo twisted up his face in revulsion. "Fucking of course not. Jesus, Harrison. You're not an animal." "So why the fuck would you make her hold on to a high school agreement when she and I might have been good for each other, Leo?" "She told you that?" Leo's face dropped. "Yeah. She did," I said. "She shouldn't have. Not talking about it was part of the deal, too," Leo grunted. He peeled off his sweaty shirt and threw it towards the stairs, then headed towards the back of the house. "Where is she now?" "Upstairs. That's another thing we need to talk about, but I'm not done with this." Leo was pouring himself a drink from the tap. My father had gotten a new well drilled a couple of years before I was born, and then when I hit high school we'd gotten a pump system; I still couldn't believe we'd lived on hand-pumped well water until I was fourteen. Now, with a whole filtration system set up in the back shed we - It doesn't matter. It's all going away. That realization almost shook me out of the conversation. "What's left to talk about?" Leo asked me, leaning on the doorsill from the kitchen. "Leo, I've always liked your sister. This whole thing just... forced the issue. You get that, right? She's not betraying you. I'm not betraying you." Leo didn't answer at first, buying time by taking a drink from his glass before sighing. "Yeah. I know." "So what are you pissed about?" "Dude, she's still my sister. And you're my best friend. That's not how this is supposed to go! She's supposed to meet some guy that I don't really like, but I learn to tolerate him, and we make fun of him together behind their backs and talk about how she could do so much better." "Why is that how it's supposed to go?" I asked. "I don't know, man. That's just; That's how it was with my parents and aunts and uncles. My dad was an only child, but all my mom's sisters settled for mediocre guys. My parents tolerated them, and I got to hear all the family gossip and that's just how it was." "Leo," I said. "That's kind of fucked up that you would want that for Erica." "I don't want it for her, it was just... Look, I hear how stupid and dickish it is, as it's coming out of my mouth, Okay? But now it's going to be you two. He-man and... I don't know. Who's the lady in He-man?" "Dude, I have never watched He-man," I laughed. "Well, whatever. You're you. She's her," Leo said. "By the end of this quarantine bullshit you'll be together and I'll be out." "Leo. You're thinking glass-half-empty here," I said. "Erica and I get together, what else does that mean?" "I dunno," Leo said. "What?" "What does that make us?" Leo blinked. "Brothers-in-law?" He rolled his eyes, but I could see the smirk growing. "Brothers, Leo. Even better than best friends. Better than best friend roommates!" "Fine, fine," Leo sighed. "Okay, there's an upside. Just don't expect me to just... be Okay with you two getting frisky everywhere or something. You can be happy or whatever, just not right in my face, alright?" The sound of a car pulling up outside on the newly-widened gravel driveway crackled through the house. I stood up and headed for the door. "What was the other thing?" Leo asked me. "Something about Erica being upstairs?" "Yeah, yeah," I said, slipping on my sneakers. "She's in my room right now, kinda sleeping but not? This whole Vaccine thing has more to it, dude. Let me figure out what this is first." He grunted, giving me a questioning eyebrow raise and turned back to the kitchen to refill his water. Outside I found the same blacked-out, now dust-covered, town car that had dropped off Erica. The door opened and I blinked hard as a woman I could only describe as a cross between an elf and an angel stepped out of the back seat. She had long, wavy brunette hair and a face that I could only guess had matched up with Helen of Troy, with soft, full lips and wide eyes with a playful spark. She was wearing a simple, baggy white t-shirt that looked like it belonged to a guy my size, and with her slight frame she was practically swimming in it but somehow she made it look like a diaphanous dress. I couldn't even tell if she had anything else underneath it since the t-shirt came down low on her bare thighs. "Hey there," she said, grabbing what looked like a solid camper's backpack from inside the car and walking over to me. When she got closer she only somehow got more beautiful, but I also saw... something. That look in her eye. The way her lips were slightly parted, and she was breathing a little more shallow. "You're Leo?" she asked. She had an accent, but I couldn't place it. "No. Harrison. Leo's inside," I said. She eye fucked me for a moment, took in a breath and breathed it out through pursed lips, then headed past me into the house without another word. "God damn," I said. "Yeah, she's running a little hot," Agent Sourpuss said. She'd gotten out of the driver's seat of the car and came around. "Got the shot at the same time as Miss Lacoste, but it turned out the guy she was originally going to be paired with got infected sometime in the past few days. We found him dead in his penthouse when we tried to drop her off." "Fuck," I said. And not because of the story. The woman had walked up the front steps of the porch, slung her bag onto it and had been stripping off her shirt as she walked into the house. I didn't see anything but bare back and a pair of tight booty shorts painted onto a slim, perky ass, but I was fucking jealous. "How is Miss Lacoste?" The agent asked. "Did the bonding process work?" "Um," I said, shaking my head and turning to the woman. "Uh, yeah. If you mean she didn't really tell us much but made it clear she needed sex, and now she's upstairs asleep in my bed muttering 'Imprinting' over and over." "Good, good," the Agent said. "Working as intended, then." "No," I said, shaking my head. "Not good. I said she's muttering 'imprinting' over and over. What the fuck is up with that?" "Look, Mr. Black, it's a long fucking story. And one you're not cleared for," the Agent said. "I'm sure one day you'll read a book about it or something. For now, just get out of my face. Alright?" "You can't seriously expect people to just go along with this. It sounds like... like,” "Brainwashing?" The Agent asked. Then snorted and started heading back to her car. "I don't have time to hold your hand through this. Like I said, just do what they say and enjoy your new fucking world. We'll be in touch." She slammed the door, the engine turned over, and she peeled out and drove back down the driveway. "What the fuck," I said. "What the fuck? What. The fuck?" I headed back into the house and stopped before kicking off my shoes. "Oh, fuck yes!" the woman shouted. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," Leo yelled. They were upstairs. It hadn't been more than two minutes. I could hear them clearly. Fuck. Doesn't have a problem when it's not his sister, I thought, shaking my head. I went for a walk. I made dinner an hour later, and Leo managed to come downstairs to eat. He mumbled something about getting struck by lightning, but once he'd gotten some food in him he'd shrugged. "I dunno, man. She just walked up to me, holding her shirt, and said, 'Take me up to your room and fuck me.' I didn't even get her name. Now she's doing that 'imprinting' thing and it's freaking me out a bit." "Yeah," I nodded. "Yeah. Erica was doing that too. That lady agent dropped off your girl, didn't want to talk about it, and just said we should do what the ladies tell us." "Hey, that's all fine with me," Leo said. "She can tell me anything she wants. I mean... Harrison. God damn!" We called it an early night and I found myself climbing into bed next to Erica. She was still out of it, but at least she wasn't murmuring anymore. It felt weird, and kind of creepy, to try snuggling up next to her. She was still naked under my sheets, and totally out of it. I ended up putting on an undershirt and gym shorts and managed not to feel like a perv for long enough to fall asleep. The rumble of trucks woke me up, and I met Leo at the stairs as we headed down. He went to start making coffee while I checked outside. Two big trucks were hauling in a pair of trailers onto what had once been my front lawn and workers in bright fluorescent vests were directing them as others set up some concrete blocks. The trailers looked like they were the start of whatever construction HQ was going to get set up. "So it begins," I sighed. We brought out the coffee; it was an entirely different crew of guys, but they didn't have any new information for us. They appreciated the coffee, but when I went in to make more I realized we were running out quickly. Hopefully one of those trailers was going to be a break room for those guys because they were going to drink my wallet dry if it was on me to feed their caffeine addictions. The trailers were quickly set up, and the workers were gone, but a 14-seater van arrived so quickly that I figured they must have passed each other on the driveway. Inside were a solid dozen Surveyors, along with boxes of topographical maps and all sorts of equipment. I couldn't offer them coffee, but they'd come with their own travel mugs. They weren't much for conversation, though they weren't bad men and women; they just had a very large job to do. "We've done what we can ahead of time with the satellite imaging," the Head Surveyor said to me. "But we've got to plan out the development of this entire area in the most efficient building plan possible. They want houses built and livable ASAP." And that was where I came in. That promise I'd made to Agents Grierson and Walters had included my help with the surveying. Now it was time to give the grand tour. "I'll head out with them this morning," I told Leo. "I'll start with the front loop trails down to the highway and back. You want to show them the Arrowhead trail after lunch, and I'll take them up the ridge after that?" "Yeah, works for me," Leo said. "I'll go check on Erica." "Um... maybe I should do that," I said. "Why? Is something wrong?" Leo asked. "No, dude... she's just, uh..." I stammered. Leo's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his ears. "Nana nana" he sang, heading back out of the house towards the barn. I checked in on Erica; still asleep. I hesitated a moment, leaning over her in the bed, but went for it and pressed my lips to her forehead in a soft kiss. She mumbled something, pulling the sheets closer to her, and she smiled. It almost kicked my adrenaline, and I could hear my heart in my ears as I walked back down the hallway. When I passed Leo's room I realized that his door was cracked open, and I could see a shapely and naked leg and foot sticking out from his own sheets. I was tempted to peek further, but that feeling of creepiness from last night struck me again and I closed the door instead. I was kicking myself an hour later, deep into the trails with a half dozen surveyors following along and taking notes as I pointed things out and they asked me questions. It was the slowest I think I'd ever walked the trails, and the question kept flaring up in the back of my mind of what I'd missed out on seeing. Leo's girl was living in my head rent-free right alongside Erica, but now I knew what Erica was like; the mystery of what I hadn't seen was tantalizing fodder for a brain that didn't want to think about the overwhelming weirdness of the whole situation. We were back to the house around 1pm, and by the time we'd been gone a third trailer had been set up and there were two more of those big passenger vans, along with a couple of pickups, lined up in a makeshift parking lot. I didn't notice any of it, or the people working, and I didn't even answer the last question one of the surveyors was asking me because I was jogging for the house. Erica was standing there on the porch in low hip-hugging jeans and a tight band t-shirt under one of my unbuttoned flannel shirts. She had a beer in each hand, one opened and half empty, the other cold and sealed. I could see the emotions play across her face for a moment as I walked up quickly, and she opened her mouth to say something but I didn't want to hear a smart remark or a question. I wrapped my arms around her and I kissed her. She kissed me back, her arms crossing behind my neck as she pulled me deeper to her. Her tongue and mine met and teased for a long moment, and I reveled in the feeling of her in my arms. Her chest crushed against me, soft and firm, and her belt buckle pressed into my crotch as she melded herself to me. A whistle, sharp and catcalling, sounded from somewhere behind me and I could feel Erica shift both beer bottles to one hand. I had no doubt she was flashing them the finger with her free hand, and the laughter from the construction workers confirmed it. Eventually we had to stop, and I held her by the waist as our faces pulled away. "Well, I guess that answers most of my questions," Erica smirked at me. "I've got a few of my own, but you're not slapping me so that answers most of mine," I said. She pursed her lips and brought her beer hand down between us. "Leo said you've had a long morning. Up for a nooner?" "God yes," I said. "But I've always had a different definition of 'nooner.'" "What, you think I mean the beer?" Erica asked. "No, baby. I want you to,” "Ahem," a voice interrupted, and I turned to see who had approached us. "Sorry to interrupt." The girl, and I couldn't call her more than that because she looked like she couldn't have been more than twenty-three despite the tattoo across her neck, was wearing a rough sweater and one of those orange construction vests, along with a dinged-up blue hardhat with about dozen peeling stickers on it and her jeans tucked into her steel-toed work boots. She had some vaguely Latina features, mostly in the lips, but was pale where she wasn't tattooed. Erica's arm immediately went around my waist, and I lowered mine to hers as we held each other. "No problem," Erica said. "What can we do for you?" "I'm Vanessa," the girl said. "Are you Harrison Black?" "Yeah, you found me," I nodded. "Alright, cool," she said, looking me up and down. Erica's hand at my waist scratched my side playfully, and I lowered my own from her hip down to her ass, slipping my fingers into the back pocket of her jeans and cupping it firmly. "Well," Vanessa continued, "I'm the Foreman for the general laborers on site right now, and we've already gotten a laundry list of our daily jobs done so I need to start getting my guys into the house." "I'm sorry?" I asked. Vanessa sighed and then smiled in a knowing sort of way. "No one's talked to you about the day or week plans, have they?" "Not really," I said. "I've been out with the surveyors all morning." "Yeah, that sounds about right for this clusterfuck," Vanessa shook her head. "Well, orders are that everything that's currently in this house, and that barn, and anything else on the property that needs to, is hitting those sea cans in the backyard by sundown tomorrow. Demo on this place hits bright and early the next morning and everything not packed up is getting carted the fuck off." Vanessa, it turned out, was a straight shooter. It just took me a second to wrap my head around everything. Erica took charge while I followed along. I'd figured I had weeks, maybe months, before demolition. This wasn't the hurry-up and wait I'd been expecting. This was all hurry, all the time. Leo went out with the surveyors, and I started answering a million questions for Vanessa while she directed five big, burly guys as they began unloading my house into boxes, and hauling those boxes out to a pair of storage containers that had been brought in on trucks and plopped down near the back of the wide clearing that had been the 'backyard' for generations. Erica, I realized, was helping manage me more than anything else. Keeping me on task, keeping me focused. She helped me reminisce quickly a couple of times, helped me make decisions about what actually needed storing and what could get thrown out. I was getting a brand new house, fully furnished, courtesy of my contract. Did I really need the shitty TV stand or the ratty couch sitting on the back porch? No. Did I want to keep my grandmother's freestanding jam cupboard? I couldn't picture it anywhere else other than where it was in the house, I'd never even seen a piece of furniture like it in another house before. But it was an heirloom piece. Was I supposed to keep that? Yes, Erica helped me. Yes, keep the heirlooms, even if they seem odd or silly. Just know what's an actual heirloom and what's not. "You're doing well," she told me, stopping me at the foot of the stairs. "You're a good boss," I smiled, reaching my free hand around to hug her to me. I was carrying a pair of bedside lamps in the other. She frowned and shook her head. "I'm not your boss. And I don't want you to think I'm being bossy, and I definitely don't want you to start thinking of me as some nagging mother figure." I laughed and shook my head. "Never. E, you're just a natural manager. Of people, or situations. I needed a minute, not an hour, and you helped me get on track way faster than I would have without you. Plus," I grinned, and let my hand slide up from around her waist to softly take her tit in my hand and squeeze playfully, "Ain't nothing of a 'nagging mother' about you." She smirked and bit her lip as I squeezed her braless tit a little more firmly. "Well, good," she said, and rubbed the front of my pants. "And thanks for the very weird compliment from my b,” She stopped short, eyes going a little wide. I chuckled and leaned down to kiss her cheek, then her lips. "You can say it. I'd be happy to." "I've never said that so fast before. It hasn't even been a day," she said. "Not officially," I countered. "But we've also been living together for a couple of months. And before that we went on casual group dates. We just didn't know it at the time." She rolled her eyes but her grin was everything to me. "Well, if you put it that way..." I kissed her again. "God, I want to fuck you," I said. "Yes, please," she hummed back. We separated. I watched her walking away, the way her ass moved. The way my shirt hung on her. An hour or so later we'd gotten a lot of the preliminary stuff cleared up, and after a quick conference with Vanessa, we decided that the big guys on her team were probably going to be most useful getting all of Leo's woodworking equipment safely moved out to the storage containers from the barn. I'd helped Leo move all of those heavier tools into the barn over the past five years and each one was a son of a bitch, and we didn't have any forklifts to make it easier. The guys hadn't been out of the house for more than fifteen minutes when I was busy taking old pictures off the walls of the living room while Erica was getting to the ones in the front hall. "Hmm, morning," a warm, honeyed voice said from Erica's direction. "Uh.... hi," Erica said, her tone of voice a little shocked but with a weird cadence. I turned to see who was in the house and nearly dropped a glass picture frame holding a collage of photos my mother had put together of my sister and me. The elf/angel girl, Leo's imprint-person, was wandering into the living room and looking around curiously. She was as beautiful as the first time I'd seen her, and I figured she must have taken a minute to touch up her makeup. She had beautiful, pale porcelain skin, and her wavy chestnut brown hair still had a bit of a messy 'just got fucked' look. She also happened to be completely naked except for a pair of sheer panties that left it very obvious she was shaved to the wood down below. Her tits were so perfect and perky, big enough on her thin frame to look almost fake but somehow still natural; either the best boob job ever or the perfect genetic lottery. Her areolas and stubby nipples, puffed and firm in the cool spring air even in the house, were the same soft shade of pink as her lips. "Hey there," she said, giving me a little smile and a wave. "I think I almost fucked you yesterday, yeah?" I coughed. "Um, no. Definitely not that close." "Hmm," she smiled, looking around the chaos of the house. "Well, maybe not, but I definitely remember wanting to jump your bones. Where can I get some water?" "Through there," I pointed her towards the kitchen. "Hey, we didn't actually meet. I'm Harrison, Leo's roommate." "Oh, right," the woman said, then stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. A naked-lady hug. While I was looking over her shoulder at Erica, who was staring from the hallway door with an expression between utter confusion and the kind of stare I could only imagine a 13-year-old boy would have when looking at this same sight. I made a 'what am I supposed to do?' face at Erica, and slowly hugged the naked woman back with one arm, trying not to think about those perfect tits pressing into my side and chest. "I'm Danielle," the woman said. I was struck again by that strange accent that I couldn't place, elongating some of the vowels and with just a touch of different intonation. "I got told all about you and Leo by that government lady on the way here. I guess I didn't realize you wouldn't have gotten the full story." "Yeah, no. She isn't really one of our biggest fans," I said. Danielle stepped back from the hug, with a warm smile. "This is Erica, Leo's twin sister and my, ah" "Girlfriend," Erica said, stepping forward. She opened her arms and Danielle happily stepped in for a hug with Erica as well. Erica looked at me over Danielle's shoulder and mouthed, 'Oh my God!' "And vaccine partner." "Oh, god," Danielle said, leaning away. "Fuck, I wasn't even thinking about that. Are we supposed to still be careful? We're all vaccinated, right?" "Very vaccinated," Erica said, then looked at me again and smirked. "Very, very vaccinated." "You too, huh?" Danielle asked. "Those orgasms,” "Out of this fucking world," Erica nodded. "Let me get you that water," I said. I left the two in the living room and went to the kitchen, taking a moment to adjust my cock in my pants before fetching a cup. Erica was attractive as all hell, and while I might not have been in love with her yet, I knew I was going to get there and fast. The physical and the personality just synced with us like that. But this girl. Woof. She was that unattainable attractive tier that you saw in movies, or on Instagram. When I was coming back, Danielle was slipping on my flannel shirt. "I'm really fine with it," she was saying. "I like being naked, and I'm a stripper so I'm used to it. Honestly, it kind of turns me on." "Yeah, well there's about twenty construction workers outside right now and I don't think anything is going to get done if they catch a look at you, Dani," Erica said. Danielle laughed and shrugged while she brought the sides of the flannel shirt up and tied them between her tits. I don't think my shirt had ever looked better, and somehow she just effortlessly made it a perfect, teasing shape that hugged her cleavage and slim torso. "You're a stripper?" I asked, offering her the water. "I thought most women in that business preferred 'dancer' or something like that "Hmm, only the ones who are embarrassed about it deep down," Danielle said. She took a sip from her glass. "But I made $300k American last year as a stripper, so why should I care what other people think of me? I'm a businesswoman and entrepreneur, and I work hard to make sure my product is amazing. And my product happens to be stripping off my clothes and making guys cream their pants." I almost choked on my own spit as Danielle casually dropped her tax bracket. "You made that much?" "Oh, you must not be a strip club boy, are you?" Danielle smiled at me. "He will be," Erica said, chuckling. "I will?" "Oh yeah, baby," Erica said. "Half of my best clients are strippers. I'm a tattoo artist, by the way," she said to Danielle, then smirked at me again. "Once the world opens back up, I know some babes who are going to rock your world. I can't wait to see the look on your face!" "Well, it's always nice to find a discerning lady-fan of the art," Danielle said. "Honestly, women always make the best fans. Guys shell out more cash, but women just appreciate us more." The front door of the house opened and Vanessa walked in, stopping as she saw Danielle standing between Erica and me in nothing but my shirt and her panties. "Fuck, sorry," she said, and she looked like she was going to head right back out the door, then re-thought that and stayed where she was. "Um, Harrison, we could use your help out in the barn. Any shot we can get that old tractor running to move the planer?" "We can try," I said. "I didn't need it to plough the past couple of winters since the ATVs did the trick. I'll see if it'll turn over." I left Danielle in Erica's hands; something which both brought chub-inducing pictures to mind, but also just a touch of jealousy considering the open lust my now-girlfriend was showing for her twin's vaccine-fuck-friend. We really need to figure out some terms and definitions, I sighed. The tractor, in fact, did not turn over. It was deader than a doornail. With enough leverage and muscle power, we managed to get Leo's big planer; which he had thankfully already prepped for moving; onto a trailer we used with the ATVs and carefully towed the sucker with two guys on either side to keep it balanced and upright. Vanessa shooed me away after that, telling me to go keep packing up the valuables and let her paid gorillas do the heavy lifting. The big laborers all grumbled good-naturedly at her name-calling, and as I was leaving them I heard one trying, "Me Tarzan, you Jane." "Yeah, and I'll Jane you right in the mouth if you start trying to hit on me, Tarzan," she replied. "I don't shit where I eat, unlike you goddamned animals." Back in the house, Erica was helping Danielle start packing Leo's things up in his bedroom, so I went back to work cleaning out all the corners of the house. The one thing I realized was that I didn't actually need to be neat about anything. The last time I'd moved, when Leo and I had left our place back in Portland and come up to the homestead, half of the bother was cleaning everything up to make sure we got our security deposits back. This place was gonna get knocked over in two days, so what was the point of cleaning? I'd been trying to find time to sneak Erica to somewhere private, and maybe to fool around a bit now that that was part of our relationship, but Danielle was too full of questions. If she wasn't chatting with Erica, she was asking me all sorts of questions about the house, my family, and the deal with the land and the vaccine. I was happy to chat with her as we packed up the kitchen, or while she helped me as I handed her things out from the little root cellar under the house, but that smile and those eyes were hard not to get distracted by. Not to mention the braless cleavage in my shirt and her toned, bare midriff and legs since she only bothered to slip on a pair of booty shorts to complete her outfit. It turned out that Danielle had known about the vaccine longer than any of us by about a day and a half. The Government, whichever agency was running the whole thing, had gotten her contact information from a couple of the strip clubs in Portland where she'd been scheduled to work before the lockdown. Danielle was the kind of girl who took risks, so she immediately signed up to be a Phase 2 tester for the vaccine; Portland was one of three secondary trial locations across the country in 'Phase 2.' She'd asked around once she got tested and entered the Quarantine Hotel, and it turned out most of the women who'd been contacted had been sex workers of one sort or another; strippers, dancers, Only Fans models, high-end call girls, even a few honest to god porn stars. Danielle figured whoever was in charge had decided the sexual nature of the vaccine lent itself more easily to openly sexual people. It seemed... Well, it seemed weirdly logical to me, but also shady as hell. She'd received the same briefing Erica had, which she said had felt more like a meeting selling timeshares in Boca than anything else, had done the questionnaire and then picked a guy out of a list of twenty photos of her top 'matches'. She remembered seeing Leo on that first list but didn't remember why she picked the guy she did. They drove her to a big building in downtown Portland, but she never got out of the car. Her escorts came back about twenty minutes later and told her the guy wasn't a valid partner anymore, and she had to pick again. She got a new list, and Leo was on it. "I can't help but notice you aren't asking about him," I said to her as we were carrying the dining room table across the backyard towards the storage containers, each of us on an end. "You've gotten half my life story at this point. You're not curious about the guy you're, well, imprinted on?" Danielle smiled and shook her head. "Naw, I had my guy pegged the minute I saw him. I have all the time in the world to learn the details, I know what I need to know. He's sweet and boyish, and honest. You should have seen him blush when I walked up and kissed him. Hah! He didn't know what hit him." "Neither would I," I said. "You're quite the woman, Danielle. Leo's a lucky guy." "Well thanks, hun. But I have a feeling you'd know just what to do with me. I could see it in the way you were standing when I got out of that car yesterday." "The way I stand?" I asked. "Oh, for sure. You're a big guy. Muscly, but not a bodybuilder. You have that mountain-man vibe with the longer hair and the beard, but even after a couple of months of quarantine you still keep it trimmed and neat. And your eyes were looking at everything all at once. My Dad had eyes like yours, and he was Australian military back home. A man like you, if he isn't a prick, well... let's just say I've known a couple of gals with guys like you, and they are quite happy." We'd set the table down outside the storage containers and were headed back for the chairs now. "Well, thanks I guess. Hopefully Erica feels the same." "Oh, she does," Danielle smirked. "She may not realize it completely yet, but the way she's grinning to herself when she didn't think I was looking? She does." That little nugget of information made my heart sing. "Sorry if it's a button, but I noticed you said your Dad had eyes like mine. He's gone now?" I asked. "Hmm," Danielle nodded. "Years ago, so don't worry about it. Cancer. I was fifteen and it hit me hard. Mum got a boyfriend the next summer and within six months of that she moved us to California and I finished high school in the Valley. I hated the new guy, and then the guy after that, so I moved back to Sydney as soon as I could and was planning to go to school there. But then I took a job at a strip club to pay the bills, and the rest is history. I've been doing it for five years and did a tour up the east coast of the US last year, so I figured I'd do the west coast this year." "Oh, well, I'm still sorry to hear that. It all sounds tough," I said. "But I guess it's good you found your... calling?" "Hah," she laughed. "Something like that. I'm not like other girls who have specific ambitions. I've just been banking as much money as I can, while I can, and having fun doing it. I'm not looking to go to med school, or become a lawyer or something." We were carrying the last of the chairs, and Danielle was telling me a story about her senior year in high school when Leo came back. It turned out Danielle's accent, a bastard amalgamation of Aussie twang and Valley girl, was the one thing she disliked about herself but she was just plain terrible at trying to fix it and it was because of some traumatic bullying while she'd lived in the Valley. As soon as Leo came out of the mouth of one of the trails, the chair Danielle was carrying was forgotten as she dropped it in the middle of the yard and began sauntering over towards Leo and the surveyors. She looked like a lioness on the prowl, and Leo stopped when he saw her coming. The surveyors, about two-thirds of whom were men, all moved aside to let her past them, watching with big eyes as she stalked up, knocked Leo's baseball cap off his head and molded herself to him as she planted a kiss on him that I could feel searing from across the yard. And she didn't stop. They were kissing a solid thirty seconds, hands wrapped around each other, before the surveyors backed away and came towards me, shaking their heads and grinning. "We need fifteen minutes, then are you ready to head out again?" one of them asked as they got near me. "Sure, sure," I said. "How many are coming out?" "All of us," one of the ladies said. "About... fifteen?" "Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "Hey, big project at speed. Most of the time you pick quality, quantity, or speed. The government wants all three, and they are throwing around the kind of money needed to make it happen right now," the first guy said. "We'll be working like crazy for the next two weeks getting all the info, then another two handing it all off to the developer team, then back on site again to make sure everything is being built in the right place." I headed back to the house to get my hiking gear back on. Danielle and Leo had stopped making out and were talking now, but I could see Leo was holding Danielle's hand while she had her other on his chest, and he was grinning and nodding along with whatever she was saying. I smiled, happy for my friend, and went inside. "Hey," I said when I found Erica upstairs, cleaning out my closets. "I need to head out in about ten minutes on another tour." "Oh yeah?" Erica asked, turning to face me. She was still wearing that tight t-shirt, her sweat from hard work making it stick to her a little more. It cupped under her tits, making them stand out just that touch more, and I could see the bumps of her nipples in the black fabric. "Yeah," I said lowly, and stepped beside her, offering her a hand to help her up. "And Danielle and Leo are out in the backyard talking right now." Erica's eyes lit up as she let me help her up. "Well why didn't you say so?" she asked, and I pulled her in to kiss her, feeling her tits press against my chest. She hummed happily into my lips and slid her tongue across mine. I picked her up without breaking the kiss and brought her over to the bed, and she lifted her legs up to circle my waist and cling to me as I laid her on her back. I was leaning over her and she wrapped her arms around my neck, keeping me close as we made out. "Hmm, I want you," she whispered between kisses. "Yeah?" I asked. "Good. I want you, too." "How bad do you want me?" Erica asked me. "Utterly. Totally. Bad to the bone." She snickered and pulled up her top over her tits, freeing them, and I shifted to quickly mouth over them, kissing as much of them as I could all at once and as quickly as I could. "Ooh, baby, baby," Erica crooned. "God, you make me feel so sexy." "You are sexy," I said, pulling away from her tits and mauling them with my hands as I lifted my lips back to her. "Deadly sexy. Femme fatale. Boss bitch." "You say the nicest things," she laughed. "I'm glad you aren't freaked out by all of this." "Oh, I'm freaked out more than enough," I said to her, pausing our kisses to press my forehead to hers and looking down, meeting her eyes. "The entire world stopped, and now it's going faster than it ever has before, but you Erica Lacoste are enough to make me not care about any of it." She cupped my cheeks with her hands, then ran her fingers through my beard and pulled me down to her, kissing me hard as she kept her eyes open, looking at me through the soulful, hungry kiss. There was a bang downstairs, the back door opening and closing, and we could just hear the muffled sounds of Leo talking with Danielle. "Fuck," I said, as Erica let go of my beard and our kiss ended. "Fuck," Erica groaned. "Fucking Leo." Erica straightened herself out, getting her shirt back on properly and standing back up, while I straightened my hair a moment and pulled it back and then changed into a new shirt. I caught Erica eyeing me up from across the room while I was shirtless, and she didn't even blush or look away. "Yummy," she said and winked. "You're trouble like this," I said with a smirk. "You don't know the half of it," Erica said. "I feel like I've been set free. The only thing keeping me from tearing your pants off is the thought of my brother being in the next room." That made me laugh, and as I got myself together and was ready to head out I kissed her one more time, one hand squeezing her ass and pulling her into me as I held the back of her head with the other. "Ugh, you bastard," she said when we separated. "You keep getting better at kissing me." "Just taking your cues," I said. "Fuck you like I hate you, right?" "Did I say that?" Erica thought. "God, everything yesterday went so fast." "Actually, I think you said you wanted someone to love you, but who fucks you like they don't. I figured that went for steamy kisses, too." "Oh, it certainly does," Erica said, one finger tracing down her boob and nipple over her shirt. "But now I'm going to need to change panties, you bastard. God, you're leaving me here soaking wet." "I prefer to think of you as simmering for later," I smirked, and she scoffed and threw a sock at me as I left the room. The tour with the Surveyors was slow going, but it was late in spring and we had plenty of light left to us. Leo had taken them along a bunch of the lowlands areas, so I took them up the other side of the property, pointing out some of the ponds and a couple of old growth copses of trees. There was a solitary Redwood on the property which they all agreed would be a shame to lose, and I pointed out some other big, ancient trees that served as landmarks. Deep into the hike we reached the Spring Pond, high on one of the rolling hills near the back of the property, and I showed them where I wanted mine, my sisters and Leo's houses to be built. I didn't much care how they organized the lots, but the Spring Pond fed down as a stream into the Nehalem River that bordered the property, and it had sweet, pure water that had been a swimming hole for my family for generations. Other than the old House itself, this was where the Black family had made their mark. It helped convince the Surveyors when I pointed out that my family graveyard, dating back more than a hundred and fifty years, was an acre up the slope overlooking the pond. At the mention of a Native burial ground I could almost see all of them shudder, not in fear of spiritual consequences but of Red Tape. I had a feeling this particular project wouldn't actually care one shit if they came across potential burial grounds, but all of these folks had horror stories of major projects getting stalled for months, or even years, by old bones in the ground. The sun was setting over the hills when I led them back down, having reached the very far edge of the property and pointing out the markers my great-great-grandfather had erected prior to the first World War. It was twilight during the last few minutes of the hike, and despite being veterans of their work I could tell the long day of heavy walking, questions, and note-taking on the move had drained them all. As they left, trudging around the house back to their work trailers to file away their notes, I saw Vanessa just shutting off the light in the barn. "Hey, how'd it go today?" I asked. "Good. Better than I hoped, actually," she said, grinning widely. "How's it going in the house with your wife and... who was that?" "Erica's my girlfriend, and that's kinda new, and Danielle is; well, it's a long story. How's a beer sound?" I asked. "That sounds fucking great, actually," Vanessa said. She checked her watch and then nodded. "I've got some time. I'm technically off shift already, we just don't have any time clocks or anything set up yet. I sent the boys back in the van about fifteen minutes ago, I'll take my truck back to the motel when we're done." I fetche

[005.]

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 12, 2025 62:44

For awhile I thought I wanted to be on SNL. I really thought “maybe I could do that.” Especially after all the 50th anniversary specials and documentaries and stuff, I was like “This is speaking to me.” “I should do this” “I've done stand up exactly five times!” “I should be on SNL. Yes.” So i started to think about it; I got really into it, actually, I'm like “Yeah, i just gotta be really good st stand up, I'll climb the ladder…” So i start watching more SNL, I'm playing along, i'm like “yeah, i'm gonna do this”, And i start studying the history, and the people– I get to know everybody who's ever been on the show… And that's when I realized, “Wait a second. I can't be What's the short version of the joke? Uh. I can't be on SNL. You know why? [Why?” Well, I don't know– it either goes. “Because i'm a Ravenclaw.” or “Because I'm not a Gryffendor” I think it's that. See, almost everyone would immediately get the reference to harry potter if I said “gryffendor” It was “I'm a hufflepuff.” But i'm not a Hufflepuff. Jimmy Fallon is a Hufflepuff. Sshh–that's later. That's why I was breaking down the joke. Ok. So how's it go? So I start getting real familiar with all the players, And that's when I realized, “Wait. I can't be on SNL!” Goddammit–I'm a Ravenclaw. Almost everyone who's ever been on SNL is a Gryffendor! Everyone! Except Seth Meyers: He's definitely a Slythern (--and Jimmy Fallon– He's very obviously a hufflepuff– And they both have their own shows now so this says something. Very obviously, almost everyone else– Gryffendor. [Insert Crowd Work?] –Perhaps… You don't think so? Watch. You'll see. I can't be on SNL. I look, all I see is Gryffendor, a couple of Slytherin, and a very obvious HUfflepuff– But no ravenclaw! Goddammit! Maybe we're too analytical. I don't know. I'm not a Gryffindor. Not a hater. Just not a gryffendor. It's a good house. But i'm a ravenclaw. Why the fuck am I writing jokes? Cause it's Saturday. Yo, but here's this dude–my favorite comedian of all time–and he's almost entirely improvisational. But here I am, when I go on stage, and I just go blank. I can talk for hours to myself but suddenly i'm in front of people on a stage and I'm not myself. For whatever reason, I feel myself becoming whoever they think I am–and I can't know it–but I can feel it. So i stopped performing stand up, because most importantly, new york just simply wasn't funny to me anymore–I just didn't like it, or at least the part of it I was seeing–but maybe, the part of it that I was seeing was the only part I could see, because i was just myself. Almost as if I didn't deserve midtown–but didn't enjoy the rest of it knowing it was there. NT. THE LIBRARY. AT DAWN. Do you want to ride my little pink pony? Ah, come on! Ahem— do you want to ride my little pink pony? -[a moment of begrudging hesitation, before he finally obliges] Ah, yes; yes. I would like to ride your little pink pony. Well, then. The admiral slips the general a pink bank note, which at first glance appeera to be a 5 dollar bill. It slips into his hand as he remains composed. Butultimately, he seems nervous, and somewhat defeated. Later, sucka. The admiral pumps his collar and walks away, straightening his back and giving a clever smirk as he walks away smugly— the general stands and also pops his collar a bit as his back stiffens and he stands for a moment in the center of the grand central ballroom; a luxurious dining hall, which is also still even more importantly, an wxquisite library. He turns to one of the shelves, passing by a waiter with a golden platter, who offers him o'derves; even the waiter seems a big smug, and the general, though keeping his composure, squints with a resentment, opting instead for a cocktail on the table beside him; it is clearly not his cocktail and now he is reflecting this smugness, the waiter shrugs it off and in an instant he is alone again in the shimmering opulence of the room; it's hard to believe this palace of sorts is hidden deep inside the crevices and hidden alleyways of a— —ahem— Sorry. You're right. —tucked away in a secret location. He turns to one of the shelves and runs his fingers along the grand row of books which happen to be at eye level; knowing the exact volume at which he places his index fingerc, tapping it above a blue book with a golden embodiment and a red seal; the book appears of course to be somewhat magical in nature, and he as well taps the cover three times before opening it to nearly the center, placing the l pink currency within its pages, and shutting it intently; as he does, the startling discovery ther an very smal man has been standing behind him for an undetermined amount of time… he jumps, but the smaller man does not merely even flinch. CONSTABLE Meow, goes the cat! GENERAL Agh… And bark goes the dog. CONSTABLE Ahaha— And what of the mouse? GENERAL The mouse calls not at all (In unison) Because the mouse has gone!/. CONSTABLE Aha! GENERAL Yeah, just. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

saturday night live library copyright jimmy fallon nt ahem hufflepuff slytherin gryffindor ravenclaw sunn sshh at dawn

[007.]

The Girl Dad Show: A Professional Parenting Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 12, 2025 67:03

TROUBLEMAKER enters through the foyer. Troublemaker— I never though I'd see you again. — you won't. Yo what do I owe the displeasure? Fascinatingly inept. Ahem, excuse me— to what do I owe the nauseating discomfort? Better, but still no dice. What are you going here, exiler? “Exiler” well now, here we are making up words after a rusty start. What do you want? Where are they? Who do you mean? Birdsong and Hawkeye? I'm supposed to know? You do know. Do I now? Now— tomorrow— always and forever. Don't play mind games. But oh, a game it was to have given you the mark of the call in the first place. The what? I made my time with you and you alone; and you as well as I remember this; I know what you know, and I am where you are at all and any given times. So then, you can find them all on your own. Clever but not! Without seeing both eyes, I have none at all. What are you seeking? The hidden truths. Well then; you're going to have to kill me. Then I will. MONARCH THE SUFFERER enters through the galley in extreme panic. STOP, STOP! WAIT AT IT. MEANWHILE Okay, Conan, what gives? Nothing! Should this mean something at all? This is innapropriate, So you are—completely lucid. Of course I am; I'm an astral traveler, aren't I? I don't know what you are? For now, as it appears, just a thought. Well, if I give you my eyes, will you sprout arms or something? The mystic waits and ponders; this seems to be an enlightening thought; filled with amusement, she replies. Why, yes, Conan. Give me your eyes. Are you serious? What a remarkable thought. Actually! Wait a moment. Please be in jeans and a t shirt not a sweater or a jacket or a suit When I please you want you to be my teacher In this essence, you are light and I'm the truth Feed me See me for my demons As I need your for your weakness Only on the weekdays, and never on the weekends We hiatus summers— Smart, huh DJs on the long nights, Your festival seasons Turtlenecks at Christmas, No hannukah for Christians, I'm waving at the Krishnas in the station And I'm brace to even right this; As I brace myself for impact, Saving Grace is in its place I guess the last days have to happen As the last act take its placement —Ace of Spades. Somebody kill me I need to get pass go Collect $200 dollars And never ever roll again To roll the dice To troll the doll —someone's lost in the mall, alright, I bet. I thought it was a poker game I even hoped, But no, Just lunch and cake. Amen. A dog in the host suit On octopus arms How alarming. How are you? I'm no good, No good, No good, America No good, No goon, But too false for truth, America No words, No news— Who ties the noose, America? No time for booze, America Just cut me loose, America. Patrick! Patrick! What about the offer? There was no offer! I lied, to you! But why would you do that? To get the most out of you. Well— you certainly did do that. You certainly did do well. Certified freak; Shh, I can't leak the secrets. I could be speaking in codes, Or keep cleaning my creases with bleach If you mean what you mean, Death. I sure do think, You are in for The ride of your life The ride of your life I sure do wish, That I just didn't have eyes m Just didn't have eyes Just didn't have— Here's a thought: who'd you wash in the laundry? Were you hoping that I'd wander? Mayday — lost focus That is just not your business! Keep it simple Keep it tie dye Keep it strange And keep it rowdy Keep it pushing Keep it pouty Keep it off the walk And show now panty lines No petty theft No truth remarks No sighs No heavy dining Bleeding Eating Breathing Thinking Where were for you when I marked you though and then? This is no Romeo and Juliet! Did you forget your lunch? Oh you forgot, You know I'm just old fashioned. That was passionate For a paraground in parameters of iambic Drenched in suffocating silent Lock box I have the option I have the option I have the option But I'd rather not! Ha ha Charade you are Ha ha hav Show me what you got Ha ha. Ha ha A hallmark card marked Penny in a fountain. That's the address, Well, send it back then! Which fountain? Which penny? Which wish, Which which And which Christmas. I don't get it I took a half wit plastered bastard and had him hammered into a masterpiece; Now I'm the madman. Now what's the matter? Now what's the difference in a fan and a friend Or a cat in a hat or Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat Is it just as indifferently anyway just another day In fact, It's opposite independence Interestingly in this circumstance I am imprisoned Listening to indefinitely And whether or not I'd never admit it This Is In me. Never friend, However, In the final act, Holding hands as the curtains lift, And the audience stance, The simple tremble of a pulse Which resembles the flicker of definite grip Rather publicly, In fact, Center percentium How's that for a show of affection? The drop of a hat, Or as light as a feather Who goes there Or yonder. “I ponder on that,” “Very often” Said Cheshire Cat. Don't forget how long it's been since Alice had originally fallen, And that all along we've all been in and under, up and down in Wonderland. (and also, it's the phantom of the opera) Come crashing down now the silvered chandelier of crystal and of course the precious iridescent diamonds. How remarkable the art but perched and parched above it he shadow lives in sawdust And showtunes And auras And hauntings And mayday And mating calls And over all The body calls to rotting soul To find a plug to pull A bull to taunt Another fan that wants you. What the fuck would love fall upon of not the shoulders of the golden one. You're doomed. I don't know what that means. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

[005.]

[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 12, 2025 62:44

For awhile I thought I wanted to be on SNL. I really thought “maybe I could do that.” Especially after all the 50th anniversary specials and documentaries and stuff, I was like “This is speaking to me.” “I should do this” “I've done stand up exactly five times!” “I should be on SNL. Yes.” So i started to think about it; I got really into it, actually, I'm like “Yeah, i just gotta be really good st stand up, I'll climb the ladder…” So i start watching more SNL, I'm playing along, i'm like “yeah, i'm gonna do this”, And i start studying the history, and the people– I get to know everybody who's ever been on the show… And that's when I realized, “Wait a second. I can't be What's the short version of the joke? Uh. I can't be on SNL. You know why? [Why?” Well, I don't know– it either goes. “Because i'm a Ravenclaw.” or “Because I'm not a Gryffendor” I think it's that. See, almost everyone would immediately get the reference to harry potter if I said “gryffendor” It was “I'm a hufflepuff.” But i'm not a Hufflepuff. Jimmy Fallon is a Hufflepuff. Sshh–that's later. That's why I was breaking down the joke. Ok. So how's it go? So I start getting real familiar with all the players, And that's when I realized, “Wait. I can't be on SNL!” Goddammit–I'm a Ravenclaw. Almost everyone who's ever been on SNL is a Gryffendor! Everyone! Except Seth Meyers: He's definitely a Slythern (--and Jimmy Fallon– He's very obviously a hufflepuff– And they both have their own shows now so this says something. Very obviously, almost everyone else– Gryffendor. [Insert Crowd Work?] –Perhaps… You don't think so? Watch. You'll see. I can't be on SNL. I look, all I see is Gryffendor, a couple of Slytherin, and a very obvious HUfflepuff– But no ravenclaw! Goddammit! Maybe we're too analytical. I don't know. I'm not a Gryffindor. Not a hater. Just not a gryffendor. It's a good house. But i'm a ravenclaw. Why the fuck am I writing jokes? Cause it's Saturday. Yo, but here's this dude–my favorite comedian of all time–and he's almost entirely improvisational. But here I am, when I go on stage, and I just go blank. I can talk for hours to myself but suddenly i'm in front of people on a stage and I'm not myself. For whatever reason, I feel myself becoming whoever they think I am–and I can't know it–but I can feel it. So i stopped performing stand up, because most importantly, new york just simply wasn't funny to me anymore–I just didn't like it, or at least the part of it I was seeing–but maybe, the part of it that I was seeing was the only part I could see, because i was just myself. Almost as if I didn't deserve midtown–but didn't enjoy the rest of it knowing it was there. NT. THE LIBRARY. AT DAWN. Do you want to ride my little pink pony? Ah, come on! Ahem— do you want to ride my little pink pony? -[a moment of begrudging hesitation, before he finally obliges] Ah, yes; yes. I would like to ride your little pink pony. Well, then. The admiral slips the general a pink bank note, which at first glance appeera to be a 5 dollar bill. It slips into his hand as he remains composed. Butultimately, he seems nervous, and somewhat defeated. Later, sucka. The admiral pumps his collar and walks away, straightening his back and giving a clever smirk as he walks away smugly— the general stands and also pops his collar a bit as his back stiffens and he stands for a moment in the center of the grand central ballroom; a luxurious dining hall, which is also still even more importantly, an wxquisite library. He turns to one of the shelves, passing by a waiter with a golden platter, who offers him o'derves; even the waiter seems a big smug, and the general, though keeping his composure, squints with a resentment, opting instead for a cocktail on the table beside him; it is clearly not his cocktail and now he is reflecting this smugness, the waiter shrugs it off and in an instant he is alone again in the shimmering opulence of the room; it's hard to believe this palace of sorts is hidden deep inside the crevices and hidden alleyways of a— —ahem— Sorry. You're right. —tucked away in a secret location. He turns to one of the shelves and runs his fingers along the grand row of books which happen to be at eye level; knowing the exact volume at which he places his index fingerc, tapping it above a blue book with a golden embodiment and a red seal; the book appears of course to be somewhat magical in nature, and he as well taps the cover three times before opening it to nearly the center, placing the l pink currency within its pages, and shutting it intently; as he does, the startling discovery ther an very smal man has been standing behind him for an undetermined amount of time… he jumps, but the smaller man does not merely even flinch. CONSTABLE Meow, goes the cat! GENERAL Agh… And bark goes the dog. CONSTABLE Ahaha— And what of the mouse? GENERAL The mouse calls not at all (In unison) Because the mouse has gone!/. CONSTABLE Aha! GENERAL Yeah, just. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

saturday night live library copyright jimmy fallon nt ahem hufflepuff slytherin gryffindor ravenclaw sunn sshh at dawn

[007.]

Gerald’s World.

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 12, 2025 67:03

TROUBLEMAKER enters through the foyer. Troublemaker— I never though I'd see you again. — you won't. Yo what do I owe the displeasure? Fascinatingly inept. Ahem, excuse me— to what do I owe the nauseating discomfort? Better, but still no dice. What are you going here, exiler? “Exiler” well now, here we are making up words after a rusty start. What do you want? Where are they? Who do you mean? Birdsong and Hawkeye? I'm supposed to know? You do know. Do I now? Now— tomorrow— always and forever. Don't play mind games. But oh, a game it was to have given you the mark of the call in the first place. The what? I made my time with you and you alone; and you as well as I remember this; I know what you know, and I am where you are at all and any given times. So then, you can find them all on your own. Clever but not! Without seeing both eyes, I have none at all. What are you seeking? The hidden truths. Well then; you're going to have to kill me. Then I will. MONARCH THE SUFFERER enters through the galley in extreme panic. STOP, STOP! WAIT AT IT. MEANWHILE Okay, Conan, what gives? Nothing! Should this mean something at all? This is innapropriate, So you are—completely lucid. Of course I am; I'm an astral traveler, aren't I? I don't know what you are? For now, as it appears, just a thought. Well, if I give you my eyes, will you sprout arms or something? The mystic waits and ponders; this seems to be an enlightening thought; filled with amusement, she replies. Why, yes, Conan. Give me your eyes. Are you serious? What a remarkable thought. Actually! Wait a moment. Please be in jeans and a t shirt not a sweater or a jacket or a suit When I please you want you to be my teacher In this essence, you are light and I'm the truth Feed me See me for my demons As I need your for your weakness Only on the weekdays, and never on the weekends We hiatus summers— Smart, huh DJs on the long nights, Your festival seasons Turtlenecks at Christmas, No hannukah for Christians, I'm waving at the Krishnas in the station And I'm brace to even right this; As I brace myself for impact, Saving Grace is in its place I guess the last days have to happen As the last act take its placement —Ace of Spades. Somebody kill me I need to get pass go Collect $200 dollars And never ever roll again To roll the dice To troll the doll —someone's lost in the mall, alright, I bet. I thought it was a poker game I even hoped, But no, Just lunch and cake. Amen. A dog in the host suit On octopus arms How alarming. How are you? I'm no good, No good, No good, America No good, No goon, But too false for truth, America No words, No news— Who ties the noose, America? No time for booze, America Just cut me loose, America. Patrick! Patrick! What about the offer? There was no offer! I lied, to you! But why would you do that? To get the most out of you. Well— you certainly did do that. You certainly did do well. Certified freak; Shh, I can't leak the secrets. I could be speaking in codes, Or keep cleaning my creases with bleach If you mean what you mean, Death. I sure do think, You are in for The ride of your life The ride of your life I sure do wish, That I just didn't have eyes m Just didn't have eyes Just didn't have— Here's a thought: who'd you wash in the laundry? Were you hoping that I'd wander? Mayday — lost focus That is just not your business! Keep it simple Keep it tie dye Keep it strange And keep it rowdy Keep it pushing Keep it pouty Keep it off the walk And show now panty lines No petty theft No truth remarks No sighs No heavy dining Bleeding Eating Breathing Thinking Where were for you when I marked you though and then? This is no Romeo and Juliet! Did you forget your lunch? Oh you forgot, You know I'm just old fashioned. That was passionate For a paraground in parameters of iambic Drenched in suffocating silent Lock box I have the option I have the option I have the option But I'd rather not! Ha ha Charade you are Ha ha hav Show me what you got Ha ha. Ha ha A hallmark card marked Penny in a fountain. That's the address, Well, send it back then! Which fountain? Which penny? Which wish, Which which And which Christmas. I don't get it I took a half wit plastered bastard and had him hammered into a masterpiece; Now I'm the madman. Now what's the matter? Now what's the difference in a fan and a friend Or a cat in a hat or Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat Is it just as indifferently anyway just another day In fact, It's opposite independence Interestingly in this circumstance I am imprisoned Listening to indefinitely And whether or not I'd never admit it This Is In me. Never friend, However, In the final act, Holding hands as the curtains lift, And the audience stance, The simple tremble of a pulse Which resembles the flicker of definite grip Rather publicly, In fact, Center percentium How's that for a show of affection? The drop of a hat, Or as light as a feather Who goes there Or yonder. “I ponder on that,” “Very often” Said Cheshire Cat. Don't forget how long it's been since Alice had originally fallen, And that all along we've all been in and under, up and down in Wonderland. (and also, it's the phantom of the opera) Come crashing down now the silvered chandelier of crystal and of course the precious iridescent diamonds. How remarkable the art but perched and parched above it he shadow lives in sawdust And showtunes And auras And hauntings And mayday And mating calls And over all The body calls to rotting soul To find a plug to pull A bull to taunt Another fan that wants you. What the fuck would love fall upon of not the shoulders of the golden one. You're doomed. I don't know what that means. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

[005.]

Gerald’s World.

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 12, 2025 62:44

For awhile I thought I wanted to be on SNL. I really thought “maybe I could do that.” Especially after all the 50th anniversary specials and documentaries and stuff, I was like “This is speaking to me.” “I should do this” “I've done stand up exactly five times!” “I should be on SNL. Yes.” So i started to think about it; I got really into it, actually, I'm like “Yeah, i just gotta be really good st stand up, I'll climb the ladder…” So i start watching more SNL, I'm playing along, i'm like “yeah, i'm gonna do this”, And i start studying the history, and the people– I get to know everybody who's ever been on the show… And that's when I realized, “Wait a second. I can't be What's the short version of the joke? Uh. I can't be on SNL. You know why? [Why?” Well, I don't know– it either goes. “Because i'm a Ravenclaw.” or “Because I'm not a Gryffendor” I think it's that. See, almost everyone would immediately get the reference to harry potter if I said “gryffendor” It was “I'm a hufflepuff.” But i'm not a Hufflepuff. Jimmy Fallon is a Hufflepuff. Sshh–that's later. That's why I was breaking down the joke. Ok. So how's it go? So I start getting real familiar with all the players, And that's when I realized, “Wait. I can't be on SNL!” Goddammit–I'm a Ravenclaw. Almost everyone who's ever been on SNL is a Gryffendor! Everyone! Except Seth Meyers: He's definitely a Slythern (--and Jimmy Fallon– He's very obviously a hufflepuff– And they both have their own shows now so this says something. Very obviously, almost everyone else– Gryffendor. [Insert Crowd Work?] –Perhaps… You don't think so? Watch. You'll see. I can't be on SNL. I look, all I see is Gryffendor, a couple of Slytherin, and a very obvious HUfflepuff– But no ravenclaw! Goddammit! Maybe we're too analytical. I don't know. I'm not a Gryffindor. Not a hater. Just not a gryffendor. It's a good house. But i'm a ravenclaw. Why the fuck am I writing jokes? Cause it's Saturday. Yo, but here's this dude–my favorite comedian of all time–and he's almost entirely improvisational. But here I am, when I go on stage, and I just go blank. I can talk for hours to myself but suddenly i'm in front of people on a stage and I'm not myself. For whatever reason, I feel myself becoming whoever they think I am–and I can't know it–but I can feel it. So i stopped performing stand up, because most importantly, new york just simply wasn't funny to me anymore–I just didn't like it, or at least the part of it I was seeing–but maybe, the part of it that I was seeing was the only part I could see, because i was just myself. Almost as if I didn't deserve midtown–but didn't enjoy the rest of it knowing it was there. NT. THE LIBRARY. AT DAWN. Do you want to ride my little pink pony? Ah, come on! Ahem— do you want to ride my little pink pony? -[a moment of begrudging hesitation, before he finally obliges] Ah, yes; yes. I would like to ride your little pink pony. Well, then. The admiral slips the general a pink bank note, which at first glance appeera to be a 5 dollar bill. It slips into his hand as he remains composed. Butultimately, he seems nervous, and somewhat defeated. Later, sucka. The admiral pumps his collar and walks away, straightening his back and giving a clever smirk as he walks away smugly— the general stands and also pops his collar a bit as his back stiffens and he stands for a moment in the center of the grand central ballroom; a luxurious dining hall, which is also still even more importantly, an wxquisite library. He turns to one of the shelves, passing by a waiter with a golden platter, who offers him o'derves; even the waiter seems a big smug, and the general, though keeping his composure, squints with a resentment, opting instead for a cocktail on the table beside him; it is clearly not his cocktail and now he is reflecting this smugness, the waiter shrugs it off and in an instant he is alone again in the shimmering opulence of the room; it's hard to believe this palace of sorts is hidden deep inside the crevices and hidden alleyways of a— —ahem— Sorry. You're right. —tucked away in a secret location. He turns to one of the shelves and runs his fingers along the grand row of books which happen to be at eye level; knowing the exact volume at which he places his index fingerc, tapping it above a blue book with a golden embodiment and a red seal; the book appears of course to be somewhat magical in nature, and he as well taps the cover three times before opening it to nearly the center, placing the l pink currency within its pages, and shutting it intently; as he does, the startling discovery ther an very smal man has been standing behind him for an undetermined amount of time… he jumps, but the smaller man does not merely even flinch. CONSTABLE Meow, goes the cat! GENERAL Agh… And bark goes the dog. CONSTABLE Ahaha— And what of the mouse? GENERAL The mouse calls not at all (In unison) Because the mouse has gone!/. CONSTABLE Aha! GENERAL Yeah, just. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

saturday night live library copyright jimmy fallon nt ahem hufflepuff slytherin gryffindor ravenclaw sunn sshh at dawn

[007.]

[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 12, 2025 67:03

TROUBLEMAKER enters through the foyer. Troublemaker— I never though I'd see you again. — you won't. Yo what do I owe the displeasure? Fascinatingly inept. Ahem, excuse me— to what do I owe the nauseating discomfort? Better, but still no dice. What are you going here, exiler? “Exiler” well now, here we are making up words after a rusty start. What do you want? Where are they? Who do you mean? Birdsong and Hawkeye? I'm supposed to know? You do know. Do I now? Now— tomorrow— always and forever. Don't play mind games. But oh, a game it was to have given you the mark of the call in the first place. The what? I made my time with you and you alone; and you as well as I remember this; I know what you know, and I am where you are at all and any given times. So then, you can find them all on your own. Clever but not! Without seeing both eyes, I have none at all. What are you seeking? The hidden truths. Well then; you're going to have to kill me. Then I will. MONARCH THE SUFFERER enters through the galley in extreme panic. STOP, STOP! WAIT AT IT. MEANWHILE Okay, Conan, what gives? Nothing! Should this mean something at all? This is innapropriate, So you are—completely lucid. Of course I am; I'm an astral traveler, aren't I? I don't know what you are? For now, as it appears, just a thought. Well, if I give you my eyes, will you sprout arms or something? The mystic waits and ponders; this seems to be an enlightening thought; filled with amusement, she replies. Why, yes, Conan. Give me your eyes. Are you serious? What a remarkable thought. Actually! Wait a moment. Please be in jeans and a t shirt not a sweater or a jacket or a suit When I please you want you to be my teacher In this essence, you are light and I'm the truth Feed me See me for my demons As I need your for your weakness Only on the weekdays, and never on the weekends We hiatus summers— Smart, huh DJs on the long nights, Your festival seasons Turtlenecks at Christmas, No hannukah for Christians, I'm waving at the Krishnas in the station And I'm brace to even right this; As I brace myself for impact, Saving Grace is in its place I guess the last days have to happen As the last act take its placement —Ace of Spades. Somebody kill me I need to get pass go Collect $200 dollars And never ever roll again To roll the dice To troll the doll —someone's lost in the mall, alright, I bet. I thought it was a poker game I even hoped, But no, Just lunch and cake. Amen. A dog in the host suit On octopus arms How alarming. How are you? I'm no good, No good, No good, America No good, No goon, But too false for truth, America No words, No news— Who ties the noose, America? No time for booze, America Just cut me loose, America. Patrick! Patrick! What about the offer? There was no offer! I lied, to you! But why would you do that? To get the most out of you. Well— you certainly did do that. You certainly did do well. Certified freak; Shh, I can't leak the secrets. I could be speaking in codes, Or keep cleaning my creases with bleach If you mean what you mean, Death. I sure do think, You are in for The ride of your life The ride of your life I sure do wish, That I just didn't have eyes m Just didn't have eyes Just didn't have— Here's a thought: who'd you wash in the laundry? Were you hoping that I'd wander? Mayday — lost focus That is just not your business! Keep it simple Keep it tie dye Keep it strange And keep it rowdy Keep it pushing Keep it pouty Keep it off the walk And show now panty lines No petty theft No truth remarks No sighs No heavy dining Bleeding Eating Breathing Thinking Where were for you when I marked you though and then? This is no Romeo and Juliet! Did you forget your lunch? Oh you forgot, You know I'm just old fashioned. That was passionate For a paraground in parameters of iambic Drenched in suffocating silent Lock box I have the option I have the option I have the option But I'd rather not! Ha ha Charade you are Ha ha hav Show me what you got Ha ha. Ha ha A hallmark card marked Penny in a fountain. That's the address, Well, send it back then! Which fountain? Which penny? Which wish, Which which And which Christmas. I don't get it I took a half wit plastered bastard and had him hammered into a masterpiece; Now I'm the madman. Now what's the matter? Now what's the difference in a fan and a friend Or a cat in a hat or Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat Is it just as indifferently anyway just another day In fact, It's opposite independence Interestingly in this circumstance I am imprisoned Listening to indefinitely And whether or not I'd never admit it This Is In me. Never friend, However, In the final act, Holding hands as the curtains lift, And the audience stance, The simple tremble of a pulse Which resembles the flicker of definite grip Rather publicly, In fact, Center percentium How's that for a show of affection? The drop of a hat, Or as light as a feather Who goes there Or yonder. “I ponder on that,” “Very often” Said Cheshire Cat. Don't forget how long it's been since Alice had originally fallen, And that all along we've all been in and under, up and down in Wonderland. (and also, it's the phantom of the opera) Come crashing down now the silvered chandelier of crystal and of course the precious iridescent diamonds. How remarkable the art but perched and parched above it he shadow lives in sawdust And showtunes And auras And hauntings And mayday And mating calls And over all The body calls to rotting soul To find a plug to pull A bull to taunt Another fan that wants you. What the fuck would love fall upon of not the shoulders of the golden one. You're doomed. I don't know what that means. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project™ ] {Enter The Multiverse} L E G E N D S: ICONS Tales of A Superstar DJ The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū Ascension Deathwish -Ū. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019-2025 ™ All Rights Reserved. -Ū.

Fatherhood, Community, and Raising Kids | Ep #169| Jamie Ahem

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 30, 2025 44:16

In this episode of The Girl Dad Show, host Young Han sits down with Jamie Ahern, seasoned FinTech and InsurTech executive, founder, and proud dad. Jamie is the CEO of Parabolic Auto, a company transforming how auto dealerships sell finance and insurance products. From trading subprime mortgages at Citadel to leading roles at LearnVest, LiveWatch, and Kin Insurance, Jamie's career spans high-stakes finance, fast-paced startups, and now, fatherhood. He opens up about becoming a dad to his son Quinn, navigating the NICU experience, and finding connection in a new community. The conversation covers parenting in a multicultural household, managing mental health in a noisy world, and why presence and perspective define success both at home and at work. ✨ All episodes of The Girl Dad Show are proudly sponsored by Thesis, helping founders go further, together. Takeaways: Fatherhood has been a transformative experience for Jamie. Community and cultural identity play major roles in parenting. The NICU journey reshaped their appreciation for healthcare and support. Outdoor play, mental health, and family dynamics in a modern world. Redefining success through the lens of love and presence. Thanks for watching!

ceo community outdoors redefining fatherhood fintech citadel nicu raising kids thesis ahem insurtech live watch learnvest

Ahem.....KEVIN DURANT IS A HOUSTON ROCKET!!!, Blast-off For The Postseason!

The A-Team w/ Wexler & Clanton

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 23, 2025 166:51 Transcription Available

Wex and AC spend nearly ALL FOUR hours reacting to the Kevin Durant trade in Houston!

kevin durant ac postseason houston rockets ahem blast off wex all four

Episode 059: E Summer Games Award Fest 3 2025

The Stage Select

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 11, 2025 173:05

Hello again! Keigh Geoffley here, host of the E Summer Games Awards Fest, back with another amazing showcase of games! I almost didn't get The Stage Select auditorium this year, because things snuck up on Julian and it took him a long time to return my calls. But don't worry: ESGAF3 2025 is here, and it's our biggest show to date!Ahem. It's Julian. Yeah, we're doing this bit again for Not E3 season. Please note that we recorded this on the night that Summer Game Fest Opening Night Live happened, so this episode covers that, plus the Unreal presentation and the Sony State of Play. We'll tackle the Xbox Direct and anything we may have missed next week. It's a jam-packed episode regardless, so please enjoy!00:00 Introduction, respect for Chef Man07:02 Unreal Engine showcase33:00 Sony State of Play01:38:40 Summer Game Fest Opening Night LiveTheme song and interstitial music by Megan McDuffee: https://meganmcduffee.comLogo and artwork by John GholsonAnnouncer: John GholsonJoin our Discord, learn about how you can support the show, and more: https://linktr.ee/TheStageSelectEmail: thestageselectpod@gmail.comCopyright 2024 Space Monkey Mafia Productions

discord fest unreal summer games unreal engine ahem sony state not e3 xbox direct megan mcduffee comlogo stage select

Isn't that kind of ahem content banned on social media? Hour 3 6/6/2025

The Dana & Parks Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 6, 2025 34:58

Isn't that kind of *ahem* content banned on social media? Hour 3 6/6/2025 full 2098 Fri, 06 Jun 2025 21:00:00 +0000 Y61SMDumkIea4WEEQk9QptV24v6AqThQ news The Dana & Parks Podcast news Isn't that kind of *ahem* content banned on social media? Hour 3 6/6/2025 You wanted it... Now here it is! Listen to each hour of the Dana & Parks Show whenever and wherever you want! © 2025 Audacy, Inc. News False https://player.ampe

social media news banned ahem

Summer In Maine: Part 5

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 6, 2025

Hot DateA 7-part series by Member389. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Stories. The tires hissed along the gravel drive as I pulled alongside her Jeep. I walked to the door, bouquet in hand and rang the bell. I took a deep breath, just as the door opened. A pretty girl stood there, dark hair and piercing eyes stared intently at me for a moment. In a flash of an eye a familiar crooked little smile crossed her face."Mom, your hot date is here!" She yelled over her shoulder."Well don't make him stand on the step, let him in!" Summer hollered back. I just started chuckling as Emily opened the door. Emily cracked open the outside door and opened the inside door further."Come on in." She said."Hi Emily, I'm Pete." I said holding out my hand. Already over five feet I could tell she was going to be tall like her mother."Are those for my mom?" She asked nodding at the flowers. I just shook my head."No, they're for you." I said presenting them to her. Her eyes grew wide and her expression got serious for a moment before she took them with a smile."I'll be right out." Came the call from another room. She laughed a bit after saying it. I began to think this was a calculated move.Emily set the flowers down and disappeared head first into a low cupboard coming up with a vase. She filled it with water and put the flowers into it, preening them to get them the way she wanted.Summer came out of a short hallway dressed in jeans and a blue and gray striped sweater. Her hair freshly brushed and a big smile on her face."Hi." She said giving me a quick hug, and more notably a slight push-off after. She noticed the flowers on the counter. "They're beautiful. Thank you."Emily turned and interjected with a grin. "He brought them for me.""Oh he did, did he?" She looked at me, the eyebrows lifting.I gave Summer a slight shrug and a wink. She just gave me a quick eye-roll in return. "Score one for the visiting team." She said, in a low voice."You're the fireman that saved my mom from drowning in the ocean, huh?" Emily asked."Actually we responded to a fall victim that was out on the rocks. If I hadn't braved the wild winds and pounding surf, she might not have made it." I said. "She could have been lobster chow.""Oh lord, the story gets more dramatic with the telling." Summer joined in. "I fell on the rocks, luckily I had a cell signal, and called for help. Pete here was one of the first responders and promptly hauled me back to the sand and brought me to the walk-in clinic to get X-rays. See? Not nearly as dramatic as you two make it sound.""She was laid up for a week after, and I kept an eye on her. I didn't want her to starve because she couldn't feed herself." I added, a wicked glint in my eye."Yes, you can cook, and I certainly didn't want for anything." She gave me a warning look that I should stop before more questions began. "Is your stuff in the car Em?" Emily nodded at her mother. "Grab your jacket, let's go I'm hungry." She said grinning. Emily trotted up the hallway, and Summer stepped closer and we kissed deeply. "Nice job with the flowers you clown." She ran her thumb across my lip wiping away any telltale lip gloss."I do what I can." I grinned, and stepped back a half step before Emily walked back into the kitchen.We left, Emily yelled 'Shotgun!' and her mother quickly squashed that plan, though I graciously got in the back seat and let her have the front. Summer giving me a sidelong look, knowing I was indulging Emily for my own sake."Is this your guitar in the back Emily?" I asked. She turned as far as she could in her seat to reply."Yup, my teacher is going to be there tonight and we're going to play.""That's awesome! What are you going to be playing?""You'll just have to wait and hear." She smiled, a mirror of her mother's impish grin.Summer pulled up beside the fire house and parked between a couple pickup trucks. We walked inside to the din of what sounded like a school cafeteria. The engine sitting outside had made room for folding tables and chairs to be set up in the bay. People were already seated and others milled about talking and laughing."I'm going to find Jen." Emily said, wrestling her guitar case through the crowd.Summer was saying hi to people as we passed through the crowd, but she kept moving like she was on a mission."Dale!" She called out. A large guy turned around, he must have been six and a half feet tall. She wrapped an arm part way around his waist and hugged him. "Come here I've got someone I want you to meet. This is my rescuer, remember when I took that spill a couple summers back. Pete, this is my uncle Dale.""Hi there. Thanks for making sure she didn't end up as fish bait." He said smiling, shaking my hand."Pete is applying to the fire department here, looking to get hired for the new year." She added.Dale's eye turned on me appraising openly. "Looking to move to our neck of the woods are you?"I nodded. "Yes sir." I didn't add anything so that rumors wouldn't begin. The look in his eye got shrewd, and he knew exactly why I was willing to pick up and move a thousand miles away from home. The reason was standing right next to him."Hell don't call me sir, save that for her dad." He said tilting his head towards Summer. "Call me Dale, good luck to you Pete. Now go on and get some food before the kids clean us out." He said smiling. We made our way through the crowd, Summer greeting people as she passed, stopping a few times to introduce me around. We eventually found ourselves in the chow line. Summer insisted on paying for us at the little card table. She mentioned that hurricane Emily might blow through any minute. The lady let her know that Emily had already come through the line.We found a place to sit and eat at one of the tables. People stopped to chat and moved on, the night had a familiar small town feel to it. Before long we could hear the sound of guitars, chords being strummed here and there. People started to grab seats, and there was Emily sitting on the left of another girl and a woman. They were sitting around a music stand and Emily and the other girl were watching the woman point things out on the sheet music. I felt a hand grip my thigh and looked at Summer who was beaming at Emily with a big grin on her face. A few moments later the woman began and the girls joined in playing Van Morrison's Moondance instrumental. My foot began tapping and Summer's grip tightened on my leg as I ran my arm over the back of her chair rubbing her back. She turned to me with the silliest grin. I only hoped she was reminiscing about when I played it for her at the summer festival. They gave way to the Beatles Eleanor Rigby, then played John Denver's Take Me Home, which they sang.Summer leaned in close to my ear and whispered. "Thank you." Before giving me a peck on the cheek. I just wrapped my arm around her and gave her a squeeze and smiled.As the group finished the crowd erupted with applause, the girls grinning ear to ear. The woman spoke up after the noise died down stating that she had room for one more student this year if anybody knew someone looking for lessons.Emily packed her guitar away, and put her chair back with the tables. She made her way back to where we were sitting and got caught up in a bear hug from Summer."Alright, say goodbye to your friends, we need to get going."As we left I hollered shotgun and got front seat privileges on the way back to the house. We chatted on the way back about other songs Emily had learned, and how long she'd been playing. Coincidentally it had been just over a year. Summer pointed out that she was a natural, learning very quickly."We learned Moondance this summer. I figure if mom liked it so much I wanted to learn it.""Your mom likes Van Morrison?" I prodded."She's played his greatest hits until she practically wore out the CD." Emily replied. I just grinned wider. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Summer's expression and nearly bust out laughing as she tried to look aloof, the twinkle in her eye giving her away."Well there are some other great musicians from that era you might like. Maybe I can suggest a few for you to listen to." I said."Do you play too?" She asked surprised."Not guitar. I play saxophone, clarinet, and dabble a little in piano." I said."I can teach you." She said, excited.She didn't begin to know how much I would love that. "That would be awesome.""Not tonight." Summer chimed in. "You need to get ready for your sleep over, and that room of yours looks like a tornado touched down in there." As we entered the house she told Emily that she needed to get it cleaned up. Emily went down the hallway with a few sighs and several eye rolls."Would you like something to drink?" Summer asked, with an unusual look in her eye."Yes, please." I nodded, trying decipher it. She opened the fridge and pulled a wine bottle out and began opening it. Music started playing down the hall as Emily puttered around making more noise than necessary. I turned from looking down the hall to look at Summer. She had stopped opening the wine and I noticed her shoulders trembling slightly. I stepped closer my hand circling her waist."Hey, what's the matter?" I asked softly."I don't know, it all seems to be happening so fast, I feel like I'm waiting for the train to derail. You know? I get the feeling something is going to go wrong and it's all going to blow up in my face." She looked up, her eyes burning intently.I chuckled. "How do you think I felt when I put that note in the mail box and drove back down the mountain to wait and see if you'd respond.""Those were the scariest hours of my life." I added softly, staring down at the wine bottle. "I mean I had no idea if you'd call the cops, or call and tell me it was all a mistake and I should go home, or worse, just throw it away, and me with it."She spun around in my arms and wrapped her arms around my neck kissing me fiercely. "If you think for a moment that it didn't hurt to leave you like that, then you're crazy. I only did what I thought was best.""Ahem?" Came loudly from the hallway door. I tried to release Summer from my grip but she just held tighter and gave me another quick kiss."Better let her get used to it." She whispered, before slowly letting go of me."Ready for inspection." Emily said saluting as she stood at attention.Summer let out a snort. "I bet. How much of it is stuffed under the bed?" She asked as she spun Emily around and pointed her down the hallway giving her a nudge.As I watched them retreat down the hallway I felt a warm glow deep inside me, the feeling enveloped me, eventually making the hair on the back of my neck tingle. There was no other explanation for it, this just felt right. I turned and poured the wine into the glasses, putting the bottle back into the fridge as I listened to muffled conversation and shuffling as the last of the cleaning was directed."Put the basket on the dryer, and I'll ask Pete if he wants to join us for movie night." Summer said. She walked back toward me, a grin on her face before she let out a dramatic sigh and rolled her eyes. "Still a disaster, but you can walk through it now." She smiled. "So, on Friday nights we usually pick a movie to watch. It's sort of a tradition, some mommy and me time. Care to join us?""So long as it's not an intrusion on the mommy and me time." I said grinning back at her."Like I said, she's going to have to get used to you being around. What better way to start.""Well we better find something family friendly, you know, no late night cable." I chuckled.Summer laughed. "No and I'll make sure we don't bore you with princesses and tiaras.""You don't have to change what you'd normally watch on my account." I replied."Well it is nearly Halloween, horror movies have been popular the last few weeks, but they're getting old. What's your favorite?"I shrugged, giving her a non-committal look. "I'm pretty easy going, though ax wielding, chainsaw revving, slasher flicks are a little too much for me. I've decided a while back that I like being able to sleep.""I'm sure we'll find something." She smiled wrapping her arms around my waist."So what's the verdict so far?" I asked softly kissing her ear."Hmm?" She responded, running her lips up my cheek leaving a trail of kisses."Emmy? Am I doing okay?" I prodded her.She let go of my earlobe long enough to whisper. "Oh, you're a shoe in. She asked me if you were my boyfriend, with a huge grin on her face.""Well?" I asked, wondering at her response.She pulled back laying her forehead against mine. I could see the little grin on her face, she bit her lip and said. "I think he just might be if you like him. She nodded like a bobble head doll.""Yes!" I whispered. "Easiest interview ever.""Am I going to walk into a room and find you two sucking face every time?" Emily said, clearly not as exasperated as she tried to sound."Only if I'm lucky." I replied."Go and get everything ready and I'll make the popcorn." Summer said.We sat down on the sofa, I ended up in the middle. "What are we watching?" I asked."You choose." Emily said.I took the controller and thought a moment and keyed in a title to see if it was available, and it was."Ever heard of this one?" I asked as the film poster popped up with a short synopsis.Both shook their heads. "Nope, any good?""Well the book was fantastic, but I've never seen the movie." I hit play, and the credits began. The movie was a hit, the fantasy and magic captured Emily's imagination as she let out occasional exclamations. I chuckled inwardly when I realized I had both of them tucked under each arm. I don't remember when that happened but I certainly wasn't going to complain about it."That was a good movie. I love when he went to find the falling star and found the girl." Emily said."Sort of reminds me of how I found your mom on the beach." I said."Oh please." Summer said, rolling her eyes and giving me a poke in the ribs. Emily broke into a fit of giggles. "Alright you, get ready for bed.""But it's not even ten yet!" Emily shot back."It will be by the time you're done." Her mother replied. "Now scoot, get a move on." Summer uncurled herself and began to stand too. She reached into my lap to pick up the popcorn bowl and I waved her hand away and picked it up standing up too. I set the bowl and glasses on the counter as Emily trudged up the hallway with a sigh. An equal sigh came from Summer as she wrapped her arms around me from behind. I felt her soft warm lips meet the nape of my neck."Thank you." She said."For what?""For everything. You don't think she snuggled up to you just because you had the popcorn, do you.""Well, it was really good popcorn." I smiled. I got another poke in the ribs for my comment."No. She likes you.""She's pretty terrific, like a mini you." I said turning in her arms holding her closer."Mom!"I just began chuckling as Summer buried her head in my neck. "God help us if we're out of toothpaste." She mumbled before giving me a kiss and turning to go find the source of the distress."What babe." She said as she walked down the hallway, and turned into the bath.I washed the wine glasses by hand, returning to the cupboard she'd taken them from earlier. They both came back into the kitchen a few minutes later."Goodnight Pete." Emily said."Sweet dreams pumpkin." I said, not quite sure where that came from. She launched herself at me hugging me like she was holding on for dear life."Thank you for saving my mom." She sniffled. I hugged her back just as tightly and gave her a peck on the top of the head."You're welcome, but I think it was your mom that saved me. Hopefully we'll have time to figure that out.""Take all the time you want." She smiled up at me before she turned and trotted over to her mom, gave her a big hug and kiss and disappeared down the hallway with a parting goodnight.Summer stood across the room from me leaning back against the door jamb, her arms crossed over her chest as she looked side long down the hallway. A few minutes passed before she let out a sigh. "I have got to stop overestimating how smart I think I am."I chuckled at that."Seriously! You know why she called me into the bathroom?" She asked."I'm guessing it wasn't because she was out of toothpaste.""No! She gave me the kind of interrogation I'd expect from my mother! She asked stuff I hadn't even thought of yet." She chuckled nervously. "Is he moving in? Are you two getting married? If he's moving here, what does his family think of that. Does he know you can't have more kids? That last one threw me, not because I had thought of it when you and I spoke the other day, but that she thought of it!"I walked over to Summer and leaned down and kissed her softly. "Well, I've added another piece to the puzzle, she's just trying to figure out how it's going to fit.""She wanted to know if you were staying the night." Summer said glancing down the hall. "Damn she grew up fast."I laughed at that. "Yea they have a way of doing that while you're not watching them. What did you tell her?"She sighed again. "I told her that you were going home for a couple months to finish out your year at work and that you'd be coming back after Christmas. You'd be getting your own place, and that we hadn't planned anything beyond that!" Her eyes were wide like she'd just gotten the third degree."Come here." I gathered her close and she uncrossed her arms and held on to me. "You're right on the money, everything you said was perfect. I mean hell, I'm not even sure I'm marriage material.She leaned back and looked me in the eye. "You're kidding right?""Yup, actually I'm a hell of a catch. You should be lucky to have me." I grinned."I am a lucky girl. I should pick up a lottery ticket." She smiled back at me.We sat down on the sofa, Summer leaned on me. "Sorry if all this seems a little strange, it's just that she's the most important thing in my life and I don't want to grow old knowing that I screwed her up before I turned her loose on the world.""I've only known her a few hours and I'd say that you're doing a hell of a job. She's smart, funny, warm, and just a bit sarcastic so she doesn't take life too seriously. All of which proves that you're doing a great job." I replied."How are my panties still on?" She grinned throwing a leg over my lap, straddling me while we kissed."These jeans don't want to let go of your incredible ass so they can escape." I said grasping her pulling her down onto my lap to feel the effect she was having on me. She twisted my shoulders slightly and pushed me flat on the couch."How do you do it? You make me feel loved and cared for like I've never felt before. I mean you even did it when I first met you, and you were just a, a kid.""Well since I feel pretty much the same I think it comes from the fact that I love you, no ifs, ands or buts." As I finished, I gave her ass a firm squeeze through her jeans. "Okay, maybe one ass." I added pulling her up slightly, resting her on my hip. We kissed slowly, hands roaming where ever they would. I kissed my way down from her ear to her throat and felt her melt into me. She let out a soft moan. She responded by unbuttoning my shirt and sliding her hand inside. I had her sweater pushed halfway up her back."Seriously, you two need to get a room." Emily said, from the kitchen doorway.I started giggling like a teenager, Summer tried hard not to join in. "Go to bed!" She said before burying her face into my shoulder in fits of laughter."If he gives you a hickey, you'd better wear a turtleneck when Jesse and her mom come tomorrow." She said retreating down the hallway. "I don't want to have to explain that!""It's been a while, come here." I said leaning down and nuzzling her neck."Ah! Don't you dare!" She said pulling back."I can't be held responsible for what I may do." I growled into her neck, and gave her a little kiss and lick. "If I don't get going soon I'll be making you breakfast in the morning.""Scrambled, toast, sausage and coffee regular." She said before slipping her tongue into my mouth."What? No juice?" I asked, after coming up for air."All out, need to pick some up at the store." She licked my lower lip before dipping into my mouth once again. Her thigh was rubbing between my legs, stroking my cock. It's a wonder it hadn't torn through my jeans."Any bacon?" I said sliding her sweater over her head and unclasping her bra.She let out a soft moan as I began stroking her freed breast, thumbing the nipple into a similar state as my cock."I don't think so, no." She said as she kissed down my chest pushing the t-shirt up and taking my nipple into her mouth. I was sure that the jeans didn't have much time left. In an effort to prove my point, Summer slid her hand down and stroked the bulge. I had to stop her."I think we need to take this to the bedroom before Emmy finds us sprawled here naked in the morning.""Good idea." She said gasping. She stood up her neck and chest flushed pink, eyes bright and hair wild. She grabbed her clothes and reached down to grab my hand and pull me up, hauling me off the couch with more strength than I expected nearly causing me to knock her over. "Come on." She tugged me along into her bedroom, and turned on a small bedside lamp. She turned and kissed me again, while doing her best to tear my shirt off. I assisted in getting both off. Both arms wrapped around my neck, the heat of her pressed against my chest was intense. I reached between us and fought her jeans to let her free. She brought her hands down steadying mine and the button came free, the zipper went down swiftly as I ran my hands around behind her pushing them down over her ass. She pushed away and began tearing at my belt and jeans to get them off. We finally freed ourselves of our clothing, Summer reaching for my cock, stroking it softly. It was nearly torture."Think with that head not this one before you answer. Have you had unprotected sex with anyone besides me." She looked up at me asked, her eyes wide with expectation."No, I haven't. I had a good teacher." I said. Her grip tightened and her face lit with a little smirk. She snatched a throw pillow off the bed and dropped at my feet before kneeling down and laving my cock with her tongue. She took me into her mouth and began sliding more of me into her mouth with each stroke. She began massaging my balls while her rhythm increased. "Oh God, slow down I can't hold out much longer." That seemed to spur her on as the pace increased bringing me to the edge before she pulled back with just the tip in her mouth, she reached up and began massaging me behind my balls causing my immediate orgasm. The contractions lessened as Summer took it all in, swallowing quickly. I was nearly spent and ready to collapse when she started in again. She worked my cock deep into her mouth again, her efforts to keep me hard weren't wasted, and I was ready for more.She backed off and licked her way from base to tip. "There now that we have that out of the way, we can put this where it belongs." She stood and turned to pull down the covers and I scooped her up and set her on the bed, turning her so her legs were dangling off the edge. I punted the pillow so it was right in front of her and knelt down. She let out a soft moan as she wrapped her legs around my neck pulling me down to pleasure her.She was already soaked, the heat pouring off her body was intense. I teased and licked her swollen lips, her hips began to sway trying to make me hit a certain spot. I danced around her clit, gently lifting the hood with the tip of my tongue and retreating. Soon she had handfuls of my hair in her grip, pulling my face into her harder. "Stop teasing!" She said through gritted teeth. Her wish was my command. I pushed two fingers into her easily as I pulled back the hood and began sucking and licking her clit. Her body tensed as she arched her back and let out a yelp. Before she could make any more noise she'd grabbed a pillow and covered her face with it as she climaxed. She slowly relaxed and I cleaned up the incredible mess I'd just made of her. She pulled the pillow off and began gulping air as if she had been drowning. As she caught her breath she picked her head up and looked down at me. "You look like a kitten that's just finished an entire bowl of cream." She said grinning.I smacked my lips. "Surely not the entire bowl." I replied as I stood up and lifted her, turning her gently on the bed so she was laying comfortably in the center. I slid in next to her, she scooted over slightly and rolled up onto her side to make room. She leaned over and kissed me softly, still breathing hard."You're going to be the death of me.""Yea, but what a way to go." I smiled up at her and kissed her again. She began softly stroking my still hard cock."All tuckered out?" She asked.Without warning I rolled her onto her back, parted her thighs and sank deep into her. "Not at all. I was just letting you catch your breath."She wrapped her legs around me, lifting herself to meet each deep thrust. Our tongues began a slow tango as her hands roamed up and down my body."I can't even describe how incredible this feels." She gasped.I slipped my arm around her waist and lifted her from the mattress, pushing a pillow under her ass. The slight shift in angle had my cock sliding along her upper wall."Oh, oh, oh yes!" She cried, as I deliberately slowed down and pushed harder with each thrust. Her grip on me was getting to be too much, and I wasn't going to last much longer as I pumped away. She slid her hand down between us and began stroking her clit with quick fingers. It took only a moment before she started shaking, her legs clamping down and drawing me in as much as she could. Her walls contracting to milk me of every ounce I had to give. At that point I just leaned forward and erupted. Inhuman sounds escaped from deep in my throat. A long low guttural moan escaped Summer as she arched her back rising up to me. A few deep gasps and she collapsed back to the mattress, and I followed her, our mouths met, our tongues danced lightly as we tried to catch our breath. I slid to the side, breaking free of her lips for a moment and turned off the lamp.I woke early, pulled on my jeans and t-shirt quietly and made my way to the bathroom for a little relief. I walked out of the bathroom door to find Emily standing in what I guessed was her bedroom door. She rubbed her eye and just looked at me for a moment."Hi." She said softly.I stood there unsure of just what to say. "Hi." I replied nervously. The pause began to get uncomfortable."Are you done, can I get in there now?" She nodded towards the bathroom."Oh sure." I stepped aside quickly and she plodded her way in closing the door quietly. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath. I walked back down the hall into the kitchen and noted it was about my normal wake up time. So I scouted for coffee. Emily padded into the kitchen in her sweats and socks."What are you looking for?" She asked noting that I was peeking into different cupboards in search of the coffee."Coffee first, then I was going to make breakfast, if you want." I said."Can I help?" She asked. I just smiled and nodded. She pointed at a canister on the counter and smiled back. I opened it to find the coffee."How about we make something special?" I opened the fridge and rummaged and found the eggs and sausage Summer had mentioned. I found some veggies in the drawer and pulled those out too. My real find was a box of ready pie crusts. I detailed my plans with Emily and after extensive prep work of dicing and browning we placed a sausage and pepper quiche into the oven."Corn flakes are for chumps." She said looking at the door and smiled at me."Can you set the table while I wake up your mom?" I asked.She nodded. "I'd bring coffee and lead with that. She can be grouchy in the morning."I chuckled and poured a cup, topped it with a splash of milk and spoonful of sugar. I opened the door slowly and walked to the bed. Summer was curled up, her hair a golden splash across the pillow, her expression was strained."Don't try to fool me, that grin is a dead giveaway that you're not asleep." I said as she broke into a full smile and opened her soft blue eyes."Good morning.""Good morning pretty lady." I said as I set the coffee on the nightstand and leaned down to kiss her."If you don't mind, I've had to go to the bathroom for the last twenty minutes, but I didn't want to barge in on your bonding session." She slipped out of bed and grabbed a robe from the closet door and wrapped herself up and darted out of the room, leaving me chuckling. She didn't come right back and I was wondering what might be going on in the kitchen. I reached for the coffee cup as she walked back into the room shaking her head."What?" I asked.She just grinned at me. "Oh nothing, you know that old saying 'out of the mouths of babes'? Well mine just asked why you were spending money on a motel when you could stay here." Summer just looked up and laughed and shook her head again. "She's right though. If she took this as well as it seems then why don't you check out and come up here for the rest of your stay?"I just smiled. "I wouldn't want to intrude.""Intrude my ass. All you've done since you've been here is make life better." She walked over and sat next to me on the bed and kissed me. "The invitation is sincere, from both of us. Oh and you're timer is nearly up on the stove." My eyes went wide as kissed her and trotted out of the room to save breakfast.Em started giggling as she saw me jog into the kitchen to look at the stove. The timer still had seven minutes to go. I squinted at her. "Gonna be like that is it?" She burst into a bigger fit of giggles."You were right mom, he fell for it!" She yelled.A few minutes later Summer walked in wearing her college sweats and a long sleeve t-shirt, grinning ear to ear."I'd nearly forgotten that you're a gourmet chef, besides a fireman. What have you done with breakfast?" She asked."It's in the oven. It'll just be a few more minutes. Do you have any tomato sauce?" I asked."There's some in the pantry there I think." She said as she topped her coffee off.I found it and opened it up, pouring some into a bowl to warm up in the microwave. She looked at me sidelong not sure what to make of what I was doing."Okay shortcake, let's do this restaurant style, why don't we make a little assembly line here on the counter. Plates here, we need the spinach from the fridge, the bowl of sauce here, and do you have something to set the main course on?" She dug in a drawer and found a large pot holder and set it on the counter. As if on cue the timer went off. I checked in on it, and it was done. I slid it out and set it on the counter."That smells fantastic. You found that in my fridge?" She chuckled."The only special ingredient is imagination." I said as I winked at Emily who smiled and nodded. "Okay, so here's how we do it, do you know what the flag of Italy looks like?" Emily shook her head no. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "What are they teaching you kids in school these days? We're going to make the plates look like the Italian flag, green, white and red. So spinach on the side, then we're going to put a slice of the quiche in the middle for the white, and then a little sauce on the side for the red. Got it?""Yup." She took the first plate and piled a handful of the spinach on one side while I sliced the quiche, and set a slice just on the edge of the spinach."Okay, here's where we get all fancy." I whispered. "We take a little sauce and we make a little pool on this side. Don't tell anybody about this trick, everybody will be doing it." I said winking at her. Emily just rolled her eyes at me, the grin never leaving her face. "Two more like this and we have breakfast!"Emily made the other plates herself and set them on the table."A little more caffe for a me, we'll warm up Mama's, and for the signorina, the juice of one cow." I said pouring her a glass of milk. "Finito!"Summer started clapping, and I took a bow, and caught Emily out of the corner of my eye joining me. We sat down and began eating."Italy tastes really good." Emily said around a mouthful. Everybody nodded as we ate."Oh, did you tell her?" I said leaning over asking Em. She just looked at me wide-eyed. "Well the deal usually goes, the cook doesn't do the dishes." I said winking. Emily grinned and looked at her mother who in turn gave her a gimlet eye."So that was the deal? Why wasn't I given a vote in this plan?" She said.Emily replied with a shrug. "You were asleep." It was my turn to chuckle."That'll teach you to sleep in." I said. She gave me the same gimlet eye with a smile thrown in.When she finished Emily cleaned up after herself and put away the milk and the rest of the cold food without being asked. I looked at Summer who had a smug look on her face as she popped the last bite into her mouth."I'm going to get my stuff ready to go to Jesse's." Emily said as she headed for the hallway.Summer let out a quick, authoritative, "Hey," and raised an eyebrow at her, then looked at me and back. Emily rolled her eyes just like her mother and came back."Thank you for making breakfast..." she stumbled unsure what to call me.My eyes went wide. "Just call me Pete, and I should be thanking you for your artful assistance."She beamed and turned and took off up the hallway. I just watched her grinning as I sipped the dregs of my coffee. Music floated down the hallway a few seconds later as I pondered just how things had unfolded since I'd gotten here. I must have been lost in thought for a few minutes."Penny?" Summer asked, startling me out of my reflection."Sorry, I was just thinking how scared I was that this whole trip was a bad idea, and how everything has gone so right. I'm still worried that something bad is going to happen to screw it up. You know, like waking up and finding that I'm dreaming this."She ran her instep up my leg. "Don't go looking for trouble, it'll find you all by itself in time.""So what do you have planned for me tonight?" She asked."Oh a little dinner, maybe a show after." I grinned. "You have something nice to wear? No jeans, reservations are for seven o'clock." I said with a wink."I'll see what I can manage." She rolled her eyes."I can't wait." I said, the excitement in my voice coming through, bringing a smile to Summer's face."What's next for you today?" She asked."Let's see, I need to run back to my motel, pack and check out, stop by the dry cleaners, a couple errands. Most of all I want to start with a long hot shower." I said giving her a wink."That last one sounds good." Summer's eyes wandered to the hallway and back, and her expression changed, turning apprehensive as she crossed her arms over her chest."What's the matter?" I said as I took her arms and uncrossed them putting them on my hips."I don't know, it just feels weird. I feel like I've got to sneak around to have a life of my own."I laughed at that. "If we didn't scare her last night then I think she'll be fine. You just need," I paused and corrected myself, "We just need to be straight up honest with her. Show her that she's not being cut out of your life, but I'm joining both of yours, with any luck for a long time.""You'd better be planning on a long time. I'm not a love 'em and leave 'em kind of girl."I just raised an eyebrow at her for a moment, and she turned bright red and looked down."Okay there was that one time, but..." She began but I cut her off with a kiss."Mom, when you come up for air can you help me find my blue sweater?" Emily said as she walked into the kitchen.We both busted out laughing. "Yes dear. I am ever your willing servant." Summer replied rolling her eyes up at me and gave me another quick peck."Go get your stuff and get back here safe." She added as she made her way down the hallway.I got dressed and got ready to leave and wandered up the hall rapping on the door jamb before peeking around the corner of the door."I'll see you ladies in a little while." I said smiling."Hurry back, I want you to meet my friend Jesse when she gets here. She's really cool.""I'll do my best." I replied.To be continued in part 6, by Member389 for Literotica

Ahem (Tue, 19/03/2025)

Luke Hand Diary

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2025 2:56

M: 7. E: 7.

ahem

Ferne McCann - Style DNA - Season 8⁠⁠

Amanda Wakeley: StyleDNA

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 4, 2025 67:39

In this episode I go on a Style Journey with the English TV personality and Co-Founder of the wellness app Shoorah, the inimitable Ferne McCann. Ferne first became a public figure when she appeared in the hit reality series The Only Way is Essex (TOWIE) for no less than 9 series... She quickly became one of the standout stars on the show and led to her appearing on ITV's I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!, plus having her own ITVBe series, Ferne McCann: First Time Mum (2018) which later became Ferne McCann: My Family & Me. The show marked Ferne as one of the most trusted and relatable celebrity mums. In addition to her TV career, Ferne has become a successful entrepreneur, collaborating with premium global brands in the fashion, lifestyle, and wellness industries. Her influence on social media reflects her dedication to health, self-care, and family, inspiring her followers with a positive, relatable approach to modern motherhood. Ferne co-founded Shoorah, the wellness app that promotes personal growth & mental health. It is now one of the most successful apps in that genre. Ferne's healthy ambition for a new challenge saw her compete on Dancing on Ice in 2025, adding a new chapter to her career.Ferne is a true Essex girl born and bred and I ask her if she is stereotypical ... that is for you to discover... As such a well known star on Social Media I ask her how she deals with the inevitable trolling that comes with the profile and she offers a valuable and practical insight as to how she protects herself...in fact how we can all protect ourselves if we so choose. One of the things that is very endearing about Ferne is that she doesn't take herself too seriously, although she does admit to being "very competitive"... she laughs about her early elimination from Dancing on Ice and how her grandfather blamed it all on her choosing to be a Troll for the dance...however she was clearly blown away by the creativity of the costume team. Ferne clearly has a tight knit team around her including her mother, her "style icon". She bemoans the fact that social media has perhaps made us all less creative and more inclined to question our own tastes and follow the pack...to the extent of making us believe that we want something because we see it so frequently on different feeds...social media drives you to follow rather than stick with your own personal style...there is some truth in that...it certainly is the quickest way for brands to reach the widest audience possible now. She has been very open about her post-partum journey and how she has been an advocate for breast feeding, and continuing to breast feed. She understands that this can be a divisive subject but she is also very aware of the support it gives to many women at a similar point in their lives.We discuss the aging process, tweakments and her well documented rhinoplasty (nose job)... and the dilemma of staying totally true to herself and her audience yet being tempted to "fix" her boobs post breast feeding... she is refreshingly transparent on the whole subject. She is about to start her own podcast called Every Cloud, to talk about trauma and people's stories inspired by her own life and how "when you are in the thick of trauma it often bumps you into the right direction"...very true.Finally we had a properly hilarious disconnect moment in the Quick Fires when I ask her whether she preferred Boyfriends or Wide Legs...of course I was referring to her choice of jeans ...Ferne, on the other hand thought I was referring to Ahem something completely different...! I hope you enjoy this episode. Thank you Ferne for being such a great guest x Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

tv co founders style celebrities dancing ice boyfriends troll essex itv mccann ahem only way get me out every cloud english tv itvbe

Summer In Maine: Part 1

The Professional Left Podcast with Driftglass and Blue Gal

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 1, 2025

Summer Arrives on the Atlantic Coast of Maine, in time for his first time.A 7-part series by Member389. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Stories. I was finally glad to be out of school. My buddy Jeff got out last year. He went off and joined the military and left our little town. I figured I'd work the summer here and see what was what after the tourists left. It was still early yet, they hadn't started arriving yet, clogging the roads with their luxury cars, acting as if they owned the place. Truth be told, they did. If it weren't for them, the rest of us wouldn't have a living. Fishing wasn't cutting it anymore, and the old quarries down coast were barely running now. Luckily we had the tourists.I walked down into the village near the docks, and popped into the little corner store."Hey Peter." I heard as I walked in. Paula nodded at me and smiled. She and her husband ran this little place, and did well by the locals and tourists alike. I waved and smiled at her as I headed to the back and grabbed a soda from the cooler."You headed over to see Davy about work?" She asked."Yea, I figure I gotta do something before mom tosses me out of the house." I chuckled."Would you do me a favor? Chip is out on a delivery and we're short-handed. Is there any chance you could make a delivery for me, it's on your way. The lady has an account so you don't need to collect any money. It's just, I heard she twisted her ankle on the beach and I told her that if she needed anything to call us and I'd get it over to her.""Sure, where is it going?" I said.She handed me two canvas sacks from the cooler, and gave me the address. It was just a couple blocks over from where I was headed. Paula refused to let me pay for my soda before leaving. I walked the few blocks turning up onto the driveway that led to a house facing the water. I walked around the house looking for the kitchen door. As I turned the corner I saw a woman lying on a towel on the lawn. She lay there basking in the morning sun completely naked. A small pile of fabric beside her looked like a swimsuit she may have been wearing. I stopped and looked around, the spot was well sheltered on the curve in the road. Her long blonde hair trailed out above her on her towel, her arms down at her sides, her deep pink nipples pointing up to the sun. Her stomach was flat and a little glint of something shiny hinted at a belly button ring. From this distance I couldn't be sure. A small strip of hair dipped down between her thighs. Her legs were long toned and pale, but getting red. She had just started tanning by the color she'd turned already. She was going to look like a freshly boiled lobster in a very short time.I realized she hadn't heard or seen me, so I turned and cleared my throat loudly. I looked over my shoulder, and she hadn't moved. I decided I'd just put the groceries in the house for her. I set the bags on the kitchen table and peeked to make sure nothing needed to be put in the icebox. Thankfully I did or the cold stuff would have spoiled. I put them away and left the rest. I walked towards the back door again and looked out the screen at her. She was beautiful, like she'd just stepped out of a magazine centerfold. She still hadn't moved, and it wouldn't be long before she burned badly. So I took it upon myself to rescue her, that's just the kind of guy I am. I opened the back door and pushed it open as far as possible and let it swing shut. The loud rap of the wood on the frame did the trick. She jumped, then the realization that somebody was near and she was naked came on her and she rolled onto the grass pulling the towel over her covering up. I saw why she hadn't heard me as an earbud fell out onto the grass.She peeked over the top of her big sunglasses, and in an accent I hadn't heard around here, she asked. "Can I help you?" The scolding tone of her voice saying that she didn't appreciate being peeked at while she was sunbathing.I scrunched up my face. "Where are you from?" I asked, curious about her accent."Right here buster, I'm renting this place. Where in hell did you come from?" She replied."Oh! Paula down at the market asked me to deliver your groceries. They were shorthanded and I was headed this way."She just stared at me for a moment, and I returned the stare taking in the scene with a dumb-founded look."Would you be a gentleman and please turn around?" She said a little testily. I did as she asked. Unfortunately for her I'd turned and was looking directly at her reflection in the kitchen window. She stood up cursing quietly, putting her weight on one foot, and wrapped the towel around her and tucked it in above her breasts. She was tall, and though her breasts weren't large they were nicely shaped, and red. The little stripe of hair ended neatly where I thought. The towel was just long enough to cover her modestly. She hobbled over to the little pile of cloth and swept up her bikini and started hobbling towards the house like a wounded animal. She passed me and got to the step and hobbled up the half step, and opened the door using it for stability and hopped up the step into the kitchen.She hobbled back to the screen door and said. "Well come on in."I walked over and stepped into the kitchen. She was sitting down on one of the chairs one leg splayed out in front of her the other tucked under the chair. The smooth skin was kissed with a flush of pink. I knew she was going to regret falling asleep out there later, but I'm glad I happened to wake her up so she didn't get severely burned. She was fumbling with her towel to keep it up, and digging through a big pocket book."Paula said that you have an account." I held up my hand. "I'm not going back to the store anyhow."She peeked up at me from her purse through a tangle of long blonde hair. "Thank you, but I was going to give you something for the trouble. She mentioned that you wouldn't be here until afternoon because it was busy today." A pink nipple peaked over the top of the polka dot beach towel. She caught me staring. "Though it could be surmised that you already got your tip." She said an eyebrow going up, and a small grin turning the corners of her mouth up. She shook her head as she pulled the towel back into place and tossed the purse onto the table. She held her arm out straight with a folded bill in it. I just shook my head once and waved it off."Thanks, but you don't need to do that." I said."Don't make me get up, my ankle hurts like hell, and I'm in no shape to use it to kick your ass for being a peeping tom." She replied grinning. She waved the money again. I shrugged and took it slipped into my jeans pocket. I was hoping she hadn't noticed they were tighter in front than a moment before."Thanks." I nodded."No, thank you Chip, I would have come into town to get them later but she insisted on having you deliver them."I smiled. "I'm not Chip. He was doing another delivery. I'm Pete.""Nice to meet you." She said holding out a hand. "I'm Summer."I shook her hand. She had a firm grip and didn't let up until I did. I just stood there for a moment looking at her. She had mesmerizing blue eyes and a crooked little smile. I realized I was staring when her brow went up. I felt myself blush."Are you thirsty? I could use something cold." Summer asked. I nodded."If you don't mind, there's a pitcher of iced tea in the fridge. I'm going to go put something on besides a towel.""Not on my account I hope?" Why not, I figured, she seemed to have a sense of humor about getting caught. I smiled over my shoulder at her as I reached for the cupboard door. She laughed aloud at that.She stood again, wobbling, and took her bikini in hand and walked towards the living room and gasped grabbing for the door jamb. In the process the towel let go and she stood there grasping the towel in one hand the door in the other. Her long smooth back tapered to a narrow waist and flared back out to beautifully curved hips. On her back was a pretty sunflower tattoo with vines around it. There looked to be a figure in the center of it."Oh to hell with it. I don't think I've got anything left to hide at this point." She muttered and hobbled out of the room. I opened up the freezer and got a tray of ice out, and filled the glasses. I heard her fumbling around a bit and she started to hobble back out. She'd pulled a light blue flowered sundress on, and taken a minute to brush out her hair. She hobbled over to an easy chair in the living room and sat down. "Would you be a doll and bring that in here?"I walked into the living room and she was gingerly setting her foot on the coffee table. I handed her a glass and set the other down. I took the towel she'd tossed on the sofa and folded it up into a little bundle and went to take her leg. I stopped myself and looked up at her, from under fallen bangs."May I?" I asked. She held her glass with both hands, licking tea from her upper lip, and nodded. I lifted her calf, the skin smooth and warm in my hand, and slipped the folded towel under her ankle to pad it from the table. I set it down carefully and she let out a sigh. I sat down on the sofa and took up my glass. I was looking into the glass at the ice cubes floating around. I set it back down and went to the kitchen, found a plastic bag and filled it with the rest of the ice. I looked down at her, she sat there wide eyed as I reached to carefully set it on her ankle."Thank you," She said softly, with a smile "again.""You slammed the door on purpose didn't you?" She asked."Well you were beginning to look like a lobster out there, fresh from the pot. I wasn't sure if you were asleep and I didn't want you to burn, or worse." I said.She smiled. "Thank you." She said, and after a moment she added, "West Virginia.""Rockport here, welcome to Maine." I toasted her with my tea, and we clinked glasses. Neither of us said anything we just sat there enjoying our tea."You said this was on your way? Where were you going?" Summer asked."I was headed down to Davy's marina down the road." I said. Then pointed. "If you go down Sea Road and bear right. He runs a couple of boats for fishing, sightseeing and whale watching. I was going to see if he needed any help this summer."She nodded, and looked down at her ankle. Water running down her leg from the condensation on the bag."If he doesn't give you a job on a boat, you might want to consider going to medical school." She chuckled. "You're a quick thinker and have a gentle touch. I don't mean to keep you from where you were headed but since this is really feeling like hell." She pointed at her foot. "I was wondering if you could do me another favor before you leave.""Sure, what else do you need, lunch?" I asked.She laughed. "Well that would be nice, but I was just going to ask you to go into the bathroom and grab the ace bandage that's rolled up on the counter and the bottle of pain killers for me. I want to get this wrapped again, now that I'm not worried I'll look like a cat with one white paw."I set my glass down, and went to the bath and found the items. I found a bottle of sunburn lotion on the counter and brought that too."I see you came prepared to burn." I looked at the bottle."Well when you're as white as I am, it happens often, especially this early in the season." Summer said as she reached up for the items. She reached down and took the ice off, and dried her foot off on the towel. She crossed her legs, her dress riding up high as she reached to start unrolling the bandage.I laughed. "That looks more awkward than a lobster trying to climb a tree." I reached out for the bandage and took it from her. "Let me show you how it's done." I sat on the edge of the coffee table and laid her leg across mine. I wrapped her ankle neatly slipping the clips on at the end with a flourish. I looked at her toes peeking up, the nails a sparkly pink color. A small throat clear broke me out of my reverie, only to notice that I'd been absently stroking her shin and calf. I snatched my hand away, and felt my face turn bright red again. I looked down at the rug and apologized."For what? Doing a better job than I would wrapping my ankle? Or maybe the lame lobster jokes." She flipped a hand at me and took the bottle and popped it open. She poured out her dose and knocked them back with a swallow of her tea."I should take these with food." She took her foot off my lap and set it gingerly on the floor, grabbing the arms of the chair preparing to get up."Whoa! Where are you going?" I asked."I was going to go see what was in those bags to eat." She said."Sit down. I'll get you something." I answered quickly.She rolled her eyes at me. "You've done far more than you should have for a tired, broken down old lady." She rolled forward again, and I put my hand on her shoulder to keep her balance back."I'll get it." I said firmly. "What would you like?""You are too sweet." She said, relaxing back into the chair. "What did you bring?"I went into the kitchen to rummage through the bags. Given a little creativity and a few minutes time I whipped up a sandwich and chips. I peeked around the door jamb to ask if she wanted mustard or mayo on her turkey. The sight that greeted me stopped me in my tracks. Summer had sat forward on the chair, and slipped the straps off the sundress pushing it down to her waist. She sat there slowly rubbing in the sunburn cream into her skin. She finished her arms and began working on her chest rubbing slowly giving each nipple a pinch and tug. My jeans felt about ready to explode at the sight of her. I popped my head back around the door and called out asking my question. She replied, mustard. I responded that it was ready then, to give her time to cover up.I walked into the room with the plate in front of me and the bag of chips dangling beneath to try and hide my arousal. I sat quickly as I handed her the plate, hoping I'd covered myself well enough."Ooh thanks!" She said setting the plate down and reaching for half the sandwich. She just stopped and looked at me. "You didn't make one for yourself?" I shook my head. "Here," she handed me the other half, "I hate eating alone."I shrugged and took the other half, and we ate quietly. I asked her how she twisted her ankle. Exploring wet rocks on the outbound tide, she'd slipped and thought she'd broken it. She had gotten an X-ray and it was only a bad sprain."Ironic. I ended up having to postpone starting work at the very hospital that I was going to be starting at next week." She said."Oh? You a doctor?" I asked."RN, and I was serious earlier, you have a gentle touch, and you wrap a mean ankle." She followed with a smile."Sports." I said by way of explanation. She nodded.She opened her mouth laying a chip on her tongue and took it in whole giving it a crunch. I didn't know why, but she fascinated me on an entirely new level. I'd seen naked girls before, well in magazines and movies, anyway. Here sat a woman who, unlike those from around here, wasn't scandalized by having her body admired. This isn't the end of the world, but not far from it."How old are you Pete." She asked. I told her the truth, that I was nineteen, and I'd just graduated last month. She offered me the chips, and I took a few."What are your plans from here?" She asked."I honestly don't know. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up." I said chuckling.She set the chips aside and wiped her hands on the towel. She took up the bottle of cream and popped the cap up. She nonchalantly pulled up the hem on her dress to a nearly indecent level and leaned forward and began rubbing the cream into her leg. She continued to ask me about the area, what there was to do after school got out. She worked her hand further up her thigh, the warm pink flesh supple under her fingers. She pulled back again, the hem of the dress slid up, and a peek of pink lace appeared. She asked if I had a girlfriend. Which made me pause. She started on the other leg working from the ankle up to the knee. She stopped and looked at me when I didn't reply."No?" She asked, no doubt noticing that I'd been watching every movement she made.I just shook my head looking down at the floor. "No. I've gone out a few times, but never really had a girlfriend."She looked down her leg again, massaging her up her thigh slowly. Watching her was not helping the situation in my jeans one bit."That's too bad. Seems an awful waste of resources if you ask me." She smirked."Huh?" I said looking up at her with a quizzical look.She bit her lower lip and looked me in the eye for a moment, then down at my lap, and nodded.I must have turned deep red, she looked up at me and smiled, then busted out laughing."Oh my God! You're as innocent as the day you were born, aren't you?" She asked grinning ear to ear.I stammered."Oh hell." She waved her hand. "Don't be embarrassed hon. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get you a hard time." She reached over and gave my wrist a quick squeeze. The feel of her warm hand sent a shock up my arm. She leaned back in the chair, not bothering to adjust her dress. The little pink lace peeking out kept drawing my eye. I could feel her eyes studying me as I tried not to look.She started softly. "Am I the first woman you've ever seen naked?" She followed with, "in person?"I cleared my throat. "Well, that close, yea." I said softly. "Last summer, my friend and I found a cove where some girls go to tan in the summer, but we stay well back. They mostly only took their tops off. Jeff had binoculars." I felt my ears turn red.Summer smiled again biting her lip. "So, the peeping tom thing isn't new." She giggled. She was enjoying teasing me. A moment of silence passed while I looked anywhere but at her. "Stand up Pete, and come here." I looked at her and did as she asked. She slowly reached up, and tugged the straps of her dress to the side, and looped her arms up through, pushing it down her torso. Her breasts popped free, the cherry red nipples stiff in the cool breeze coming through the house. She looked up at me from under a lock of hair, still biting her lip. Time seemed to stop, and I wasn't sure what to do next, but instinct pushed me to reach out and cup her breast. It was warm and soft in my hand, and I stroked it gently. I reached up with my thumb and rubbed the nipple. A sigh as she inhaled deeply, her eyes were closed while I explored. I rolled it between my thumb and finger it was as hard as a pencil eraser."That feels nice." She said softly. I stroked the curve up to her chest, and back down between them following it around.Time started again when I jumped back startled. I hadn't expected it when her hand reached up and pressed against the front of my jeans."Oh!" She giggled. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just thought you might enjoy a little rub too." She nodded at my jeans. "Let me see it."I went wide eyed like a deer in caught in headlights."Come on. It's only fair, you saw mine." She urged. Her hand slid down raising the hem of her dress showing off the pink lace panties with black lace trim. She circled the front with her finger, pressing as she did. She reached over and took the last swallow of her tea and caught an ice cube from the glass. Swirling it around her mouth. She opened her mouth showing me that she was rolling the cube around with her tongue.Without conscious thought my hands reached for my zipper to release the pressure built up behind it. I pulled it down as she watched intently. I unbuttoned the fly of my boxers and the pressure was gone as my hard cock pushed its way out seeking relief.Summer made an approving sound deep in her throat at the sight of it. "Ooh that's nice." The ice cube clicked on her teeth and she crushed it quickly, chewing the bits of ice. She looked up at me and made a come hither motion with her free hand, the other still working on the pink lace. I stepped forward as if she were drawing me towards her with an invisible tether. She reached up slowly this time and took me gently into her hand. Stroking the shaft and rubbing the tip with her thumb. I gasped, my breath coming in short panting breaths. "That's it, easy now." She said in a soothing voice, as if calming a frantic animal. "You aren't going to last very long."My body was humming like a taut wire as she gently stroked me. In a move that surprised me, she leaned forward and took me into her mouth. The cold sensation from her chewing the ice nearly pushed me over the top. I gasped. She licked my cock like a kid with an ice cream cone, her icy tongue dragging away at me. I knew I was about to cum, and she did too. She stepped up the pace of her licking, and took me into her mouth once more sliding down further until I lost it. I felt my hips jerk forward and she put her hand on my thigh to keep me from choking her. I grabbed for the first thing at hand, and it happened to be the back of her head, and I erupted. My body stiffened as I gasped for air. I felt as if she was drawing me inside out. I exploded in her mouth, her tongue cleaning up the mess I'd made."Is that the first time a girl has done that to you?" She asked softly, lapping my still hard cock. I nodded between gasping breaths."You poor thing. Have you ever thought of what it would be like to lick a girl down there?" She asked innocently. I looked down to find her fingers had slipped into the panties and were making deep circular motions. I had to think, because if I hadn't before now, I certainly was beginning to. She kept darting her tongue out, giving me soft licks and quick flicks with her tongue and thought I could do that.She stood up awkwardly not putting her weight on her bad ankle, and reached up beneath her sundress tugging at the fabric. Soon her panties were around her knees. She turned and tossed the towel onto the chair and spread it out."Oh screw it." She said pushed down the fabric of her sundress as it slid over her hips. She sat down pushing her dress and panties off and tossed them on the couch. She leaned back on the chair as I watched her chest rise and fall with her slow deep breathing. My eyes followed down her taut stomach, a small silver heart dangled from her belly button on a chain. My eyes scanned further down and found the top of her little narrow strip, the soft tuft of dark blonde hair leading to deep pink lips. I stood there with my mouth hanging open as she set her leg back up on the coffee table, opening up a little more for me. I licked my dry lips, which must have been a sign."That's what I like to see. A willing student." She smiled and winked at me. "Grab a pillow and kneel down. I'll give you a quick lesson on the special anatomy of a girl." She chuckled. I did as she asked and knelt before her. She proceeded to point out the highlights softly, in an encouraging voice. Explaining how best to please a woman down there.I leaned forward, my nose filling with the scent of her. I reached forward licking upward between her spread fingers. She let out a deep sigh and I began licking and nibbling. I tilted my head up and began swirling her clit with my tongue like she'd done to my cock. She threw her head back and her jaw dropped as a low moan escaped her lips.She panted quickly. "Slip your finger inside me, and make a come here motion." She mimed it with one finger.I did as she asked, slipping my middle finger into her as far as I could. It was wet, and warm and I could feel her tighten down on me. I started off slowly stroking in and out of her, then remembered how she'd shown me and I rubbed up and forward and back again. I had forgotten what I was doing and noticed she'd reached down to start stroking her clit with incredible speed. I leaned down putting my tongue to it again, and began flicking it with my tongue as fast as I could. Summer arched up off the chair and began yelling, 'Oh my God.' She stayed that way for nearly a minute before collapsing back into the chair gasping for air. My hand was soaked with her juices. I wasn't sure, but I figured I'd done well. I used the corner of the towel to wipe my hand. I looked at her swollen, wet and deep pink lips and just leaned forward and began lapping up the mess she'd made, slowly with the tip of my tongue. She inhaled sharply and her legs came together quickly."Easy there." She said pushing my head away gently. "It's very sensitive after." She released the grip she had of my hair and ran her fingers through it. She was just looking at me smiling while I licked my lips."So how did I do teach?" I asked.She chuckled. "I'd say you did pretty damn well for a first-timer. I'll give you an A plus for effort and an A for technique." She smiled. I was hard as a rock, and wondered if I was going to be allowed to follow through with the next thing that came to my mind."Are you a typical young guy with a raincoat in your wallet?" She asked, reading my mind. I looked at her with my quizzical look again. She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. I sighed looking down, and shook my head slowly. I got a slightly scolding look in reply. I wasn't sure if it was because I didn't have one, or that she was unhappy about it as well."Get up." She said giving a slight push to my forehead. I leaned back and stood in a single motion. I nearly fell over backwards when I realized I still had both legs caught with my jeans around my knees. Summer leaned forward to grab my arm and help me balance. She nodded down at them and without saying a word let me know that I should get them off. She gripped my hand solidly and pulled herself carefully out of the chair and hobbled a step aside. She reached down taking the rumpled beach towel off the chair and flipped it in half and lay it on the center cushion of the sofa. She turned me back to and gave me a push so I fell back onto it."Don't move." She said leveling a serious gaze at me. She hobbled back off to the bedroom. A little rustling later she came back with something closed in her fist. She pulled the coffee table up close and sat gently on the edge of it facing me."First things first. It's never her responsibility to make sure you're prepared." She said holding up a little foil packet. "If you aren't prepared, then keep it in your pants, or her hand if you're lucky enough." She smiled. "The only time it'll be up to her to help is now. If she'd like to." She reached forward and began slowly stroking me, her fingers firm and soft at the same time. "You see, you can't wrap the rascal unless he's primed and ready." She smiled. "I'll show you how best to use this so you don't end up a daddy too soon, or worse."I smiled and rolled my eyes."Hey, we can stop right now if you like." She said levelly at me. The shock on my face must have been plain as day. "That's what I thought." She smiled and looked down at my hard cock. "I'd hate to stop now myself." She peeled the wrapper down the side pulling out the little ring. She held it close for me to see. "See how it's rolled up? Place it with the rolled side up over the tip like this." She reached holding my cock in one hand and setting the condom on the tip. "Unroll gently down the shaft like this." She said sliding her fingers down my shaft unrolling it fully. "All the way down. That's important since she's not going to want to fish the thing out of her if it comes off in the middle of your good time. It also makes it pretty useless if that happens." She gave the base of my cock a little squeeze. She pulled my knees together, and stood up kneeling on the sofa straddling me."This is a good position for us to start with. It gives a woman the ability to control the depth and speed with which you entering her. Missionary isn't bad, but if you get a little over zealous it can end up hurting her. If you want to her to ever want you back in her again then it's best to make sure she has a good time too." She said reaching down between us she ran her finger up and down her swollen lips."Remember to open her gently beforehand, the more care you take with her, the more likely she'll be calling you for more." She sat up, and lined herself up over my cock and took my shoulders as I took her by the hips. She looked down at me for a moment, one eyebrow going up."Oh." I said reaching between us and stroking her still wet lips placing fingers on either side and gently opening her up. As I did she lowered herself on me. The sigh that escaped my lips was loud. I nearly passed out from the feeling of the warmth and tightness, as she slowly rode the entire way down my length. A soft purr came from her throat.She sat there for a moment and proceeded to just tighten herself around me and relax. I started pushing urgently with my hips."Easy does it." She whispered into my ear then licked her way down nibbling the lobe and kissing my neck. "A woman's nipples are very sensitive, and shouldn't be neglected." She took my hand and ran it up to her small breast. Lifting it away slightly and rubbing her nipple with my fingers. She bit her lower lip as I took the hint and stroked her breasts and rolled the nipples between my fingers. I leaned forward taking it in my mouth rolling it around, lashing it with my tongue. Summer sighed deeply and rolled her hips forward and started rising up and lowering herself on me. My other hand found its way behind her gripping her ass and pulling her down onto me with each stroke. She started a long deep stroking rhythm that I thought was going to drive me over the top again. She must have noticed my urgency as my hips rose to meet her down stroke hard. She stopped on an upstroke and let me slip out of her and I thought I was going to die when my eyes popped open pleading with her. She smiled at me."What's your hurry? Aren't you enjoying yourself?" She said sweetly.I nodded furiously. "Yes I am." I gasped."Good. The journey can be as much fun as the destination, so take your time." She got off the couch. I looked at her pleading with her not to stop now. "Let's see how well you improvise." She said.She turned around and knelt down on the pillow that was on the floor, and leaned forward setting her elbows on the chair she was sitting in before. Her beautiful ass, up in the air her lips open and pouting in invitation. I scrambled off the couch and knelt behind her, nearly ready to drive my cock into her when I paused and opened her up slipping back into herShe whipped her hair over one shoulder and looked at me over the other. "You're in the drivers' seat now. It's going to be up to you to be aware of the clues a girl is giving you. If she's pulling away from you, you're fucking her to hard. If she's pushing against you, well she wants you to put the pedal to the metal, so to speak." I pushed forward feeling myself fall into her and never wanting to leave. I began pushing and she met me stroke for stroke as I sped up. I couldn't take it any longer. Summer let out several long high pitched moans followed by a gasping, 'Harder!' and I went into overdrive. Plunging her depths with abandon I finally drove her forward hard, pushing her hips against the chair as I exploded. I stiffened as I felt every ounce of strength drain from my body. Summer shuddered hard in my hands bringing me out of my daze."Are you okay?" I gasped between breaths.She rose up slightly, hair a complete mess covering her face. She started to laugh, gasping for air. "I was just thinking, this vacation started off lousy, but it's improving nicely."I chuckled. "Welcome to Maine, Vacationland." She busted out laughing at that. I backed away falling free of her, the cool breeze came in from the screen, cooling the sweat on my skin."Let's get cleaned up." She stood shakily, with the help of the arms of the chair. I stood as well. She turned and slipped an arm around my shoulders. "Help me to the bathroom, would you please?" I looked at her, and turned slightly and reached down picking her up off the floor. She let out a whoop of surprise. "I only needed a shoulder to lean on honestly." She said smiling."So lean on it." I said smiling. I negotiated the narrow path to the bathroom and brought her in careful not to bang her against the doorjamb. I set her on a little stool next to a big claw foot bathtub."Let me get that." Summer reached over and popped up a tissue and reached up sliding the condom off of me and wrapping it and tossing it in the trash. She looked up at me, her hair still a mess. I reached down pushing it off her forehead. She smiled. "Grab a washcloth for me, would you please?" She nodded at a small shelf, and I took one down and handed it to her. She reached over to the bath running water onto it and a little squirt of her bath gel. She frothed it up and began washing herself off. She rinsed and repeated. She dried herself with another towel hanging from the bar. She looked up at me from under her bangs, scanning down. "Really?" She said in a resigned voice as she saw that I was once again ready.I shrugged. "The benefit of youth?"She laughed. "I guess!"She rinsed the cloth again and began gently washing me with it. The cool water and warm hands were soothing but not doing a thing for the fact that it was loaded and ready to go yet again."Would you hand me that light blue bottle there." She asked. She poured a small amount into her palm and set the bottle aside. She rubbed the oil between her hands and rubbed it between her legs oiling herself up. The sight of this was not doing me any good either. A crooked smirk spread across her face as she watched me watching her in fascination.She reached up with her oily hand and began stroking my shaft. The hardness slipping through her firm grip with little friction. The other hand began fondling my balls. They were already tight, and ready to go again. She slid her hand further under and began massaging me underneath in a tight circle. The feeling blew my mind as I couldn't contain myself and came hard, with a loud splatter, on Summer's chest."Not sure if it's good for burns, but I've heard it does wonders for the skin." She said, leaning forward cleaning the last few drops off with her tongue. She then used her cloth to wipe up the cum I'd splashed on her chest.. I just watched her, her movements so graceful and efficient.She looked up at me with a smirk. "Pete, how would you like to give me a hand for a couple weeks while this ankle heals?"My eyebrows went up. "How?" I asked."The usual mow the lawn, grocery runs, cleaning, maybe even an occasional turkey sandwich. It'll allow me to keep off this as much as possible and not feel like I'm an invalid. I'll warn you now though it's not only doctors that make lousy patients."It was my turn to smirk. "What's it pay?" I asked wiggling my eyebrows.Her mouth dropped open. "You little shit! I'm not hiring you to be a gigolo!" She laughed. "But there's always the possibility of a bonus. I could continue your lessons. Practice makes perfect they say." She smiled at that."I don't know." I said, my spent cock hanging inches from her lips. Oh I knew alright, but I played along. "I'll have to see what Davy has to offer this year. Those rich folks that come in to fill up can be pretty good tippers too."She raised an eyebrow at me again. "Okay if you'd rather work for him I'll understand." She said in mock resignation. She stood on her good foot, testing the floor with her bad. I instinctively wrapped my arm around her waist."You drive a hard bargain." I said pulling her to my side so she could put her arm over my shoulder.She looked me up and down me and smiled. "This vacation isn't turning out bad at all."To be continued in part 2, by Member389 for LiteroticaSummer In Maine: Part 2Lesson Two, and Two and a half.A 7-part series by Member389. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Stories.This summer job wasn't turning out the way I'd thought. So far I'd mowed the lawn, done the dishes, (thankfully there's a dishwasher) hauled trash, done laundry, dusted and vacuumed. When Summer asked if I wanted to help her out for a few weeks I sort of expected there would be fringe benefits to go with, or instead of, getting paid. Instead it was actual work. She wasn't shy, about her body or mine, she often would wrap her arm around my waist to help with her balance. She occasionally stroked my ass through my jeans. I didn't hesitate to return the favor but I always ended up with only a smile in return. I figured after that first day when I took the job I might get some more personal time with her. The other night I helped her to run a bath, and she shooed me out of the bathroom. One night we watched a late movie I slept over, and ended up on the couch. Something didn't seem right about all of this. Nearly a week had gone by, and it was as if that first day hadn't even happened, and I was too shy to say anything. I hitched the grocery bag I was carrying a little higher, tonight, I'd say something tonight.I walked up to the kitchen stoop and pulled open the screen door and I heard a gasping cry. I dropped the bags on the table and darted into the living room, she wasn't there. Another cry, and I looked to the right and saw the bedroom door was open. I walked quietly towards the door, and Summer was laying back on the bed naked except for her bandaged ankle. She was sliding a pink vibrator up and down between her thighs. She tilted it slightly and slid it into her, her other hand pulling on her nipple. I was instantly hard watching her pleasure herself. She let go of the nipple and slid her hand down and began flicking her clit, rubbing it fast. She arched her back crying out "Yes!" She pulled the vibrator out slipping her fingers in as she came. She continued rubbing her clit slowly and stroked her fingers in and out for a few before falling flat to the sheets like a deflated balloon. Her breathing was fast and shallow."How long have you been watching?" She asked, not looking up. She looked absolutely radiant, her skin flushed pink through her tan. Her hair was a tangled mess of sun streaked gold, she looked fantastic."Just a couple minutes." I said quietly looking down at the floor. I heard the old brass headboard creak and I peeked up. She had raised her head and was looking at me."What's the matter?" She asked gently. I shrugged and walked out to the kitchen, and started putting away the groceries."I picked up some local shrimp for lunch. I'll put them on ice in the fridge." I said loudly from the kitchen. I turned and Summer was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen watching me with her arms crossed in front of her, buck naked. She gave me a shrewd glance."Please tell me what's bothering you."I looked at her for a moment, then turned away and put a couple other items in the fridge."Nothing." I said, unconvincingly."It's just..." I started. I looked over at her and said."Never mind." I walked out to the yard looking around to see if I should mow the lawn again already or not. I heard the screen door bang shut behind me. I felt her hand on my shoulder as she stepped up beside me."I love it here. The salty sea air, the big sky, everything seems so much simpler." She said softly. I instinctively wrapped my arm around her waist, her skin was warm and damp."Why?" I asked softly."Why what, Pete?" She asked with surprising sincerity. "Why haven't we had sex since Monday? Is that what you want to know? Are you asking me if you were a one afternoon-stand? What Pete? Ask me." She urged.Her words inflamed me and my frustration flared. "Yes!" I turned to face her, her arm sliding down from my shoulder. "Was I just a one shot deal? Screw me, then have me cook and clean for you?" I immediately sensed I'd gone too far and full well expected a slap. I'd deserve it if she did. I opened my eyes wide.She stood there looking at me, her eyes smoldering. She coolly pointed out. "Which one of us is the one standing here naked?" I stood there a moment longer, every muscle in my body taut like a drawn bow. I snapped and took hold of her and kissing her hard as our lips parted, tongues lashing out at each other like sparring fencers. Her arms wrapped around my waist pulling us together."Damn, I thought I you'd never come around." She said between kisses. I leaned back and gave her a queer look."What?" I asked, completely confused. She grinned ear to ear."Lesson number 2, confidence is sexy. Hell it took me walking around naked to get your damned attention. What the hell is wrong with you?" She bopped me on the forehead. I shrugged, feeling completely confused. I had no idea what she was talking about."This exercise, which you nearly failed miserably I might add, was to see if you would take the lead. I personally tend to be a bit passive. Therefore, as the guy, you need to learn to take the lead, just like dancing." She held my hand up and snugged her hand around my back and gave a little sway."The other night when you fell asleep on the couch I laid awake waiting for you for nearly an hour. I finally took matters into my own hands, maybe I should have made more noise.""I knew girls were crazy. I honestly was hoping to get more insight from you, not more confused." I said smiling. "You were waiting for me?""You haven't seen crazy yet, give me a week." She winked.I groaned, then kissed her again, holding her against me, my hands stroking down her back to her ass massaging it as I pulled her to me. Holding her was like holding a flame, seductive, hypnotizing and hot, and I didn't care if I got burned."Tell me you've had the good sense to pick up some protection." Summer mumbled between kisses. Without breaking our kiss I reached back for my wallet and held it up."Please tell me you bought more than one." She growled. I felt her hands come between us resting on the waist of my jeans unbuttoning them and grabbing for the zipper. She pushed my jeans and boxers down far enough for me to escape captivity. She let out an appreciative hum as she ran her hand up and down my hardened length. She broke our kiss long enough to grab the hem of my polo shirt and drag it up pulling it over my head. She leaned down and took one of my nipples into her mouth. I gasped out loud at how the sensation shot through me. It felt as if my cock was getting even harder and I didn't think that was possible."Holy shit! Does it feel this way when I do this to you?" I gasped.She hummed an agreement as she switched to the other side, then stepped back and looked at me smiling.I stood dumb-founded for a moment. I quickly realized she was waiting for me to do something. She placed her hands on her hips and gave them a slight tilt. "I'm all yours, all you need do is tell me how you'd like me, or better yet, show me." She winked. I kicked off my shoes and pushed my pants the rest of the way off and looked at her for a moment. The sun kissed her body so exquisitely, her pink nipples hard and pointing straight at me. Her hair was blowing in the breeze surrounding angelic face like a golden halo. I stepped forward, wrapped her up in my arms again and kissed her deeply. I ran my hand up between us taking her breast in my hand cupping it twirling the nipple in my fingers. I work my mouth down her jaw, kissing her neck and I feel her shudder and gasp. I moved down the center of her chest trailing kisses to the other nipple and teased it with my tongue before taking into my mouth suckling it gently. A moan escaped her lips. Her hand was pulling me towards her, fingers running through my hair. I wanted her so badly but I didn't want this to end. I pulled away looking up at her face, her mouth hung open her eyes half closed."Your ankle has to be killing you right now." I said, noting she'd been standing for a while now. I walked over and brought one of the Adirondack chairs over and set it behind her and she smiled. I laid my clothes on it to keep her from burning her ass on the sun heated wood. She just looked at me without sitting. "Sit down." I told her, and she tilted her head in assent and sat. I knelt down in front of her and kissed her nipple again and began trailing kisses down her stomach. She took the cue and leaned back on the chair. I flicked her little belly button ring aside and licked her belly button. She let out a whoop and jumped, chuckling."Ticklish?" I chuckled. She grasped a handful of my hair and gave me a little push further down, but I was going at my own pace and I made my way down nuzzling her little blond stripe. I kissed my way around her pouting lips, my tongue darting out giving little licks. She tasted sweet, the scent of her was driving me mad, I couldn't take it any longer and slipped my tongue into her as I massaged her clit.She arched her back and moaned. "Yes!" I lapped up to her clit taking it in my lips and giving it due attention. Her cries got louder and I stepped up the assault on her. Her leg came up over my shoulder and she pulled me hard into her with her heel. I let up a bit, I didn't want this to end too soon, it seemed that I wasn't the only one enjoying it. I slipped my middle finger into her, and felt her grip it tightly. Her hips started rocking forward. I was pretty sure I could finish her off quickly if I had a mind to, but I didn't. I continued bathing her clit, varying the pressure on it. She let out a few short gasps. "Please?!" She begged. I knew then I had to finish her and slipped another finger in to join the first and intensified my tongue lashing. Her hips lifted off the chair as she climaxed. She held on to me, still moaning, finally collapsing back into the chair panting."You sir, are a natural." She gasped. I returned her smile and licked my fingers."Am I mistaken, or is there a very hard cock in my immediate future?" I grinned even wider and nodded. "How would you like me?""Over hard." I said smiling. Her eyes lit up like a fire had been kindled."Well then, dig that little party hat out and show me how easy it is to put on."I chuckled and dove for my wallet lying on the grass a few feet away. I dug out the foil wrapper and crawled back. I tore open the packet holding the ring carefully and reaching down, putting in place and unrolled it carefully."Very good." She said her eyes flashing. She stood up and knelt down on the grass facing the chair. "Over like this? I'm sure you'll supply the 'hard' part." She added with a wink."Yes." I said, my breath shallow. I had to have her and scooted up behind her and lined up pushing the head in. I took her hips and pushed forward in a single motion burying myself in her.We both gasped loudly. In moments she started moving her hips back and forth and I pulled out and began taking slow strokes at first, but I knew I wasn't going to last. She leaned back pushing hard against me and I responded in kind driving forward, the sound of our bodies coming together pushed me into a frenzy. Her gasps were coming in short cries of, "Yes!" She began shaking in my hands, her moans coming from deep in her throat as she arched back into me and climaxed again pushing me over the edge. I drove her forward nearly knocking her and the chair over as I stiffened arching my back. I froze in place for what seemed an eternity, and not long enough both at the same time as I came deep in her.She leaned back against my chest, the heat of her skin against me was incredible, she reached behind us grasping my ass pulling our hips tight together. "I love how you feel inside me." She whispered. I leaned down and began kissing her shoulder, working my way up to her neck and nibbled on her ear."I love how you feel too." I said, my voice a little weak.She breathed a deep contented sigh. "What now?" A small smirk spread across her lips."I don't know about you but I worked up an appetite." I said. "Those shrimp sound good about now.""All this and you cook too. You're not going to be single long." She chuckled and reached up behind her and stroked my cheek. "I think we may need to move for that though." She said lightly, reminding me that I still had her pinned against the chair. I leaned back, pulling free of her. I stood stepping back, I gathered up my clothing. Summer put her good foot down and stood, steadying herself on the arms of the chair. "Let's go clean up and have lunch." She smiled slipping an arm around my waist and we went into the house.I started a pan for the shrimp, a little olive oil, some garlic and some red pepper flakes tossed on top of fresh spinach. My killer homemade vinaigrette to top and she would be mine. Well she already seemed to be. I stopped and stared out the little window above the sink out over the water. That thought caught me by surprise. What exactly was going on here? An hour ago I was pissed off for being shunned, now I was making her lunch with a silly, satisfied grin on my face.Summer hobbled into the kitchen wearing a pale blue tank top and panties with little pink hearts on them."Don't you own pants?" I asked smiling."Sure, would you rather I be fully dressed, or comfortable?" She asked."Oh I don't mind your outfit, as long as you don't mind your lunch burnt to a crisp." I laughed."What are you making?" She replied chuckling."I'm going to woo you with my culinary skills. My own special shrimp and spinach salad with homemade vinaigrette." I said."Wow, sounds awesome. You're a man of many talents. I think you're a little late in the wooing department though." She said smiling.My chest tightened at that. Nobody ever thought of me as a man before. Everybody has always treated me as a kid until now. The shock of it must have been evident in my expression."What?" She asked, her eyes widening. I didn't answer her, I just leaned forward and kissed her softly, she responded in turn."Nothing." I said, my grin returning."Need a hand?" I handed her two lemons with directions to squeeze the hell out of them then juice them for me into a bowl. I diced up the shallot, and garlic tossing them into the big bowl, salt and pepper followed. In went a huge dollop of spicy mustard, I looked at how much juice Summer had squeezed out of the lemons and eyeballed it pouring it into the bowl, straining out the seeds. I dug a whisk out of the drawer and started whisking in olive oil."Most vinaigrette recipes ask for vinegar, obviously. I like mine with lemon juice, especially with seafood." I said. I stopped whisking dribbling a little onto my finger to try it. "That's the ticket." I said offering a taste to Summer who agreed with a little sound. I set the big bowl aside and had her start splitting the cherry tomatoes. The shrimp were rinsed and patted dry on a towel, and I threw some garlic into the pan starting it with some of the olive oil. I salted and peppered the shrimp and in they went tossing them around to coat them all with the hot oil. They were ready in a couple minutes and the kitchen smelled terrific. I stacked the plates with spinach and started building the salads with the tomatoes, red onions, shrimp and as a topper sliced almonds."If this tastes like it looks, you're staying on as cook after this heals." She said lifting her foot behind her."Prepare to have your mind blown." I said handing her a plate and a fork. I had brought a small baguette with me which I'd sliced up and we ate."A girl could get used to this." She smiled popping a shrimp into her mouth. Cooking for a girl is a sure way into her panties."I laughed. "Even if she wasn't wearing any?""Well she's wearing some now." Her eyes flashed."But for how long?" I said playing along."You have your driver's license don't you?" She asked, changing the subject."Yea, I just don't have a car of my own yet." I said, wondering why she asked."Do you know of anybody that would loan you one, like your folks?""Yea I'm sure I can get one. Why, do you want to do it in the backseat?" I wiggled my eyebrows at her."Hell yea, but I'd also like to get a ride to go get my Jeep. It's been down at the clinic for a week now. They told me it would be safe but I'm getting a little stir crazy stuck here in the house." She replied.I looked out the window. "I can ride down and bring it back, it's only about four or five miles." I said."Ride?" She asked."I have a bike, I can put it in the back and haul it back if you don't mind.""Not at all." She smiled.I did the dishes and cleaned up after lunch, and Summer kicked back on the sofa folding a load of laundry I'd done earlier. I took a look at the grass, yea the lawn could wait a couple more days. "What else needs to be done?" I asked from the kitchen. I got no answer. I walked into the living room and she was bobbing her head as I walked around the edge of the couch I noticed she'd put in earbuds and was listening to her mp3 player. She was lip syncing some unknown song. She looked up at me and grinned, pulling one of the buds loose."I couldn't live without my music." She threw a towel at me to fold."Listening to anything good?" She mentioned a band I'd never heard of, and moved the folded stuff from beside her and patted the seat beside her. I sat and she handed me the ear bud."Check it out, you might like it." I put it in my ear and listened for a song or two, folding another towel. A hard rock song started and she turned it up a bit and started singing along. She got to the chorus and really joined in full blast. The lyrics were pretty explicit. I was thinking you wouldn't hear music like that on the radio around here. There was a pause, then a soft intro began. The ballad was soft and low, and Summer stopped and closed her eyes, her lips barely moving with the lyrics. When I noticed I stopped and listened intently to the lyrics, it was about intense, heart-felt, you are my world, kind of love. The kind of love that lasts longer than a lifetime. When it ended she reached down and stopped the playback. She looked straight out the window for a moment and turned to me, a shy sweet smile on her lips."Do you believe in love Pete?" She asked me. I stared at her in wide-eyed amazement for a minute, and began slowly nodding."I do now." I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but something in her eyes made me hesitate. There was sadness there, and they welled up as if she were doing her best to hold back tears. A wash of emotion swept over me like a storm driven wave, and I leaned forward lifted her chin and kissed her softly. Our lips brushed, our tongues sought out one another, delicately probing. Something wet touched my cheek making me break the kiss long before I wanted to. I pulled back and a tear streamed down Summer's cheek. I reached for one of the towels and daubed it. I took a deep breath and was about to ask why she was crying when a curt little head shake waved off the question."Please don't ask, not yet anyway." She said, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry." She said wiping the remaining tear with the heel of her hand."You don't have anything to be sorry about." I replied softly.She inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. She turned to me with a smile on her mouth but sadness in her eyes."I saw there's a free concert in the park tonight. Want to go? A rock blues cover band is playing. Sounds like they might be good."I knew they were good, my friends brother was in the band, and I'd heard them before. I smiled and nodded. "Sounds like fun, and they are good, I've heard them before.""I should ride down and get the Jeep. There's no way you're walking that far." I said sternly."Yes dear." Summer rolled her eyes at me. She giggled, and got up hobbling off to the bedroom and came back with a set of keys handing them to me."It's black, and I'm guessing the only one with West Virginia plates. It's at the walk-in clinic on Route 12."I nodded. "I know exactly where you mean. I'll go get it. You relax, take a nap if you want. I should be back in an hour or so." I smiled. I kissed her again, the underlying want in our embrace was nearly too much. She placed her hand on my chest, with the barest hint of pressure. She was right, if I kept it up we weren't going anywhere. I reluctantly stepped back, picked up the folded towels and put them away. I walked back out and she had laid down on the couch with her foot up on a pillow. I smiled that she'd taken my suggestion."Can I get you anything before I go?" I said softly leaning over the arm of the couch. She just smiled and gave her head a little shake. She reached up pulling me down closer for a quick upside-down kiss. I headed for the kitchen door, pausing as I closed it quietly, looking back into the house. I turned and started walking home.I walked, lost in thought. This week had been a week of firsts for me. I grinned at the thought of the first day when I lost my virginity to an amazing woman. The aggravation of the following days of not knowing exactly what was happening. If I had just opened my eyes I would have noticed she was waiting for me. Then today when she all but pushed me into making love to her again. I wondered why, well why me anyway. I knew so little about her. What was going on here. We'd known each other about a week, what was that question about believing in love. I could easily fall in love with her, I had to admit. Was I doing just that? So many questions came to mind as I walked up my driveway, I grabbed my bike out of the garage and hopped on. I made my way down to the coast road and started pedaling in earnest up the first rise. The traffic drifted past me as I sought answers to my questions. I pedaled harder nearly coasting up the next rise. Why was I over analyzing this? I was living out a fantasy any red-blooded male would die for. A beautiful, sexy woman wanted to have sex with me, repeatedly. Isn't that enough for me? I laughed out loud at that thought because I realized, it isn't.I rolled down the long slope of the hill seeing the clinic up ahead. I pulled into the parking lot and rode around looking for the Jeep and found it near the side of the building. I checked the plate and got off my bike, took out the keys and opened up the driver's side door. The heat billowed out of it from being parked in the sun so long. The smell of a roasted sweet smelling air freshener poured out and nearly gagged me. I walked to the back and looked at how I was going to get my bike in there and noticed there was a folding bike rack on the spare tire mount. I figured it out in a few minutes an

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Ep 902: How Democrats Can Win Elections, Ahem

Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2025 54:10

We're serving up some hard-won advice about winning elections - and it's not pretty. While our Never Trump allies and high-paid consultants keep screaming the same tired strategies at Democratic politicians, we're here with a bolder approach inspired by David Bowie's wisdom about language and a certain scene from "Better Call Saul."We dive deep into what undecided and independent voters actually want (spoiler: it's not what you think), examine the post-election interviews that reveal the uncomfortable truth about swing voters, and explore why policy substance keeps losing to vibes, farts, and other distractions.In local news, we have some upsetting tornado recovery updates from St. Louis, where FEMA showed up five days after the storm, and it was not to provide immediate help. Stay in Touch! Email: proleftpodcast@gmail.comWebsite: proleftpod.comSupport via Patreon: patreon.com/proleftpodMail: The Professional Left, PO Box 9133, Springfield, Illinois, 62791Not safe for work. Recorded live from the Cornfield Resistance.Support the show

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Unbelievable Night in NBA Playoffs with Two Road Upsets, an NBA Staple Coming Back Next Season, Justin Tucker Gets Released (ahem), & NHL Playoff Note

The Sports Daily with Reality Steve

Play Episode Listen Later May 6, 2025 25:26

Today's Sports Daily covers an unbelievable night in the NBA with two more road teams winning Game 1's (now 3 in a row), a staple is coming back to the NBA next year, Justin Tucker gets released (do with that what you will), and an NHL playoff note about the Avalanche. Music written by Bill Conti & Allee Willis (Casablanca Records/Universal Music Group)

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S3. E19 CODA: Apologies to Gary

tv oregon portland attitude pope pope francis international space station popes ahem adjusters clodagh bgc

Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2025 72:51

Episode 19. Chaz has an epiphany and assembles the Regarding...Panel one more time to clear the air and make things right with the lead singer of the third iteration of Van Halen, Mr. Gary Cherone. Join Scotzo, Wolfie, Kevin Brown, and Josh Michael as they hear Chaz' case and weigh in with their own observations, opinions, and critique. Not your usual show, and one you don't want to miss - despite the lack of Kendall Mints coverage. And hey...one more shameless plug for our excellent new site: ⁠regardingvh3.com⁠.Remember, Van Halen III Redux is the work of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Seaside Pod Review⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tom Petty Project⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ultimate Catalog Clash⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ podcast host Kevin Brown and producer Scott D. Monroe, our own Scotzo. Listen to their ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Redux version of VHIII⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ that's lighter, leaner, and in some circles a means to salvaging the disc a producer in a different circumstance might have produced. Ahem.Season 3 of the Regarding...Series - Welcome to the ultimate rediscovery of Van Halen's most controversial album. At the outset, we represent a good spectrum of views: Wolfie is 100% no opinion on the album; Scott leans more positive but is in the middle and has some dislikes; and Chaz is … appreciative as a student of Edward Van Halen, and empathetic to his artistic cause, but not a big fan of the final output overall. To put it mildly. How Many Say Why is all they could be heard muttering to themselves, in a sea-shanty sort of sway. How Many Say Why? How Many Say Why? Proudly sponsored by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠podcastle.ai⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠fourstringmedia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, not by Romney's Everest Kendal Mints or Buffalo Chicken Wings in general.

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There's a reason they call it...ahem...like rabbits. Hour 3 5/1/2025

The Dana & Parks Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2025 37:11

There's a reason they call it...ahem...like rabbits. Hour 3 5/1/2025 full 2231 Thu, 01 May 2025 21:00:00 +0000 zRB4qdwsG6nSPdiJJ3BEf25HD9Tfc48M news The Dana & Parks Podcast news There's a reason they call it...ahem...like rabbits. Hour 3 5/1/2025 You wanted it... Now here it is! Listen to each hour of the Dana & Parks Show whenever and wherever you want! 2024 © 2021 Audacy, Inc. News False https://player.amperwave

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#122: Attitude adjuster

Blind Guys Chat

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 24, 2025 45:56 Transcription Available

Hello, our stainless-steel saucepans and welcome to ep 122 of BGC. We hope you had a lovely Easter break, if that is something you do. A big shout-out to Jan's father, as he is in hospital having broken his hip trying to realign the TV satellite dish on the International Space Station. Our advice - just go with cable! Our guest this week is the wonderful Debra Erickson, all the way from Portland, Oregon. Debra might be better known to you from her InstaSpace handle 'The Blind Kitchen'. A fantastic cook, Debra is here to teach Óran a thing or two about making toast, boiling water, skinning a cat, and the proper way to cook lamb's balls. Ahem! Sorry meatballs. (Not a moment too soon, says Clodagh!) So, strip down to your cardinal vestments, stop waiting in line to take a selfie with Pope Francis, and get ready to listen to the number 1 podcast as listened to by Swiss Guards - Blind Guys Chat! 10 out of 15 potential future Popes prefer it to being a potential future Pope! Links for this show: · https://theblindkitchen.com/ · https://www.facebook.com/theblindkitchen/ · https://www.instagram.com/theblindkitchen1/ Support Blind Guys Chat by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/blind-guys-chatRead transcript

ÏLLŪMINAT(E). | Tears of a Clown - 2025

dms moose back from the dead ahem halestorm lzzy hale dews

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 23, 2025 62:08

*sneezes* W-WEGMANS! Gazuntite. I'm not gonna lie, if I lived closer to this place I'd be there all the time. Whole Foods Trader Joe's Wegmans. Honestly? Ranked? Trader Joe's Wegmans Wegmans. lol. Whole Foods is a necessary evil. {Enter The Multiverse} No, I want the half Can't go all the way Enough is enough And a hand is a hand And a handout is ransom, Spare me the note Spare me the selfish suicide concepts Spare me the alter The coaxial The collar The caller— Whatever you call me Spare me the mantras Stop talking. Long throat violence, Oh, I onkybhope to know you (Or I don't) I only hope to notice m Oh long Johnson Quick sermons and a few soft passwords A couple ardvsrks on a long top showman A couple bad barks from the dog And work for the foreman Who are you after (Not god) Have been forgiven? Is fhat a question. I marked it as such And still j walked up The lock in the bathtub did honors Did honors Did run today Who are you for Not the office Not the John Not the forerunner Oe the forward Who are you, god talker? Who are you Was often the question asked And you want to do all you want Home alone The devil runs From behind her nothing soft Anymore Awkward And then unearthed I saw you were watched, stalking Also Pulled back on my reigns, the horse Does bit the bite down And then some soaked offer Was Half you are, where Wear the volume down Wear your art hard Or suffer, Gaga! GAGA WHERE ARE YOU? LADY GAGA I'M ON A HORSE target GAGA! LADY GAGA I'M ON A HORSE, I SAID. BUT WHERE?! NEAR ENOUGH THET YOU CAN HEAR ME, LIKE, OBVIOUSLY, BUT FAR ENOUGH AWAY THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ME ON A HORSE. ARE YOU COMING?! NEGATIVE. WELL— WHY NOT?! THE HORSE WONT MOVE! JUMP OFF THEN. IMPOSSIBLE. WHY IS JUMPING OFF A HORSE IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOURE LADY GAGA ITS BECAUSE I'M LADY GAGA THAT THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR MULTIPLE REASONS WHAT— JUMP OFF OF THE— NEGATIVE. THERE ARE MULTIPLE FACTORS CONTRIBUTING TO THIS IMPOSSIBILITY. WHY ARE THEY YELLING. Omg shut up 2 bit horse jumper Target Target Stalker Stalker Obi wan kanobi! Sheeeeeeer forces! What is this? Bad cheerleaders. WHY ARE WE YELLING?! Oh. We're fighting. Oh, that makes sense, What kind of fighting. Sword— unh— FIGHTING. Oh, okay. Why is lady Gaga on a horse?! Cause she's just like that sometimes. *shrugs, but on a horse— obviously dressed elaborately enough that yes, jumping off of the horse would be practically LADY GAGA No, completely. —Completely impossible. I wanna watch you eat spicy hot wings. In a sweater. But I left handed magic to Can't- that Cancelled I hope it was cashmere Or Calvin Klein I'll retract, Meditate and then Redact that Maybe Fantasize Glamourize that for a lifetime Pull the knife out of my back, And then sample it. I wanna watch you eat hotwings. That's—- What I want. GAGA. PLEASE! LADY GAGA I'm sorry— he's not moving. THIS IS URGENT. LADY GAGA I know it's urgent. My lack of yelling does not negate that it isn't, but. BUT WHAT? *yawns* I'm getting sleepy. [LADY GAGA falls asleep atop the horse; only then does the horse begin to move, however— it appears as though GAGA is now completely unconscious. But those shoes. Egad. Bro. lol. Why is this? I'm… my writers blocks are not fun, practical, or progressive. They're just. [LADY GAGA fights and defeats an entire battle completely unconscious atop a horse.] Isn't technically the horse… fighting. No, and I'll explain to you why. Omgz *spoiler* [lady Gaga IS the horse] Why. What the fuck. Fuck these shapeshifters. Fuck everything right now. What the fuck did I just watch. WHAT DID I JUST SEEEEEEEEEE Dedede…fleetleum, fleetleflum… “Fleedleflum?” Ahem!? Dude, you are a villain. WHAT, BECAUSE I SAID “FLEETLEFLUM” *fleedleflum AHEM! I SETH MEYERS is revealed as the villain… Again. WHAT! WHY! I THOUGHT I WAS THE VILLAIN. you said you didn't want it! THEN I ADJUSTED. Well, too late. WHAT. Nice. Hehe. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! I WENT METHOD. A-for effort, I guess? WHATEVER A-FOR-EFFORT. I JUST COMMITTED A LOT OF EVIL SHIT For what FOR THEATRICAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. Well. “WELL?” Like what. Like— Tax Fraud. Ahem. Nice. [beat] Seth, you got the part. Yesssss! Booyah. Maybe you can take some method lessons and pointers from your friend here— Salt of the earth! — Mr. Evil tax fraud man. RYAN REYNOLDS *deflates* Later. Where are you going? I'm going to do Pilates. Because I'm rich. (Everyone just kind of nods in agreement.) L E G E N D S STEPHEN COLBERT runs at full speed down the street towards the house at which his formerly youthful self “recently” disappeared during a thunderstorm. Oh look. It's little Stevie! You recognize me?! OF COURSE I DO! You're the big hotshot anchorman on TV, but I remember… I don't have—time— Suddenly, he sees it— the radio tower which apparently transported him into this, a distant future, but also a remarkably odd parallel of reality which seems to have been sprung from his own timeline. Where is this going? We'll see. Apparently, I'm reanimated; Certain parts just don't work, I'm factory reset And radiated Aggrandized to carry out this task And then cease to be A zombie, if you will A corpse responding to light energy inside of me So when I leave, I'm not sleeping I'm decomposing Deteriorating I stay hydrated to keep my eyes involved In the light almost as if The illusion is existence— However, I know better It's simply a simulation I mutated against my better judgement Just for this focus Aspirations as if Aggressions could be achiviments At any rate A talking head Who are you? Done for now. Who are you! Done for now. Who are you? A far cry Dust in the wind, And I'm sure so for aure That the places I've been Are more often television location sequences Than not. Aha, who are you? The plot. Then who are I? A handsome damsel. Hark. But not to wake, I form again To dream of you And then Cease to be, My honor, So that may I call To wish a gasp upon a cantered breath, I scream to wake And then you, a glisten, Never to count time I waking, Them as sheep, And she who calls I— There, the canter, And there I wake to know I, Call I, My bare and lay truth So that There waking, calls I now The scream of shadow Mercy, yonder But not waiting, I cherish To bark. …. …. Wt— Now I could see how my energy was moving; I had to write as much as I could before my media update. Intentional brainwash. Suddenly, it all made me so nervous. Programming. Then again, It didn't matter, really, in the end. 6 hours. There was nothing more daunting Than the approaching courier for Whole Foods market And Instacart simultaneously because it meant Somehow, That I had an album coming out. Eagle eye, And to say the brown soul May go extinct Eagle eye Give me a bite of your Adam's Apple I want to taste you I want to know fortune Through the glory of love In the wonder of your arms I want to know nothing but Love in your eyes And in your mind, My heart MAYA RUDOLPH I feel weird. FRED … ARMISEN This is getting intense. That's probably it. AMY POEH—LER No. AMY PH— No. OF COURSE IT IS. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE. why are you yelling? IM NOT YELLING. I'M SPEAKING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. TINA FEY …there's a difference! RACHEL WITH A ‘T'? Maybe DRATCH YEAH there IS. Okay, where are we going with this? Shh. Not yet. I AM PRINCESS SHAMALAMADINGDONG. WHY? It's sketch comedy. Does it HAVE to have motive? You're right— but it at least has to have a plot. Meanwhile… SETH MEYERS'S wand has been stolen. Hey. Yes? There was..a… ??? There was a, like a— like a — ?? There was like, a number two pencil here. …there still is. No, like a very— like, a specific— There's— a bunch of them here. No— Just like always. No, it's. [Blank stares] N—nevermind. Wait— What's up. 1, 2, 3, 4– who am I forgetting? ARSENIO HALL Not yet, Arsenio; We're still on strike force 5! Where's Jimmy Kimmel! Meanwhile, in Jimmy Kimmel's lair. JIMMY KIMMEL (MWAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH) Uh. Wow. Yeah. Okay. For Shits and giggles— Oma goash. Waw. Yah. I knuh. Just waw. Uhh… Idk. The weird SNL sketches all apparently have their own time— AANG APPA, YIP YIP! APPA FUCK OFF— WOAH. OKAY. Yeah, not everything should be live action. Seconded. — lines…. Ahem. Waw. Srsly. However, this live action magic school bus. [SCHOOL BUS CARAPULTING TOWADS FIREY DEMISE WITH NO POSSIBLE RESOLVE IN SIGHT]. *doom* Wild. Why. Yoooooo. The world needed that. Anyway. JIMMY KIMMEL MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUILLERMO JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJA JIMMY KIMMEL MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUELLERMO Wait— —is that his name? Maybe. I might just be racist. Well, it's not Carlos. U MEANWHILE, ALSO, ON WISTERIA LANE GABBI CARLOS! GET BACK HERE! Damn. How are these people still at it? Apparently wer're in TV WORLD. Ahem. It's TV LAND. No, it's {Enter The Multiverse} AHEM. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. [REDACTED]

E432 - Halestorm: Back From The Dead?

Primordial Radio Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 16, 2025 51:36

Both Moose and Dews have a long history with Halestorm, first meeting the band over 13 years ago during a radio station acoustic session, so they are both well-qualified to talk about the band, their evolution in the music industry, and the dynamics of the rock and metal scene. As the band gear up to release their new album, Moose and Dews look ahead to Halestorm's potential for future success and their impact on fans and the industry. Also, listen out for Dews studiously failing to mention that he once unsuccessfully tried sliding into Lzzy Hale's DMs. Ahem. Check out our chosen charity Metal For Good and some of the great charity work they do here https://metalforgood.org/ https://primordialradio.com https://www.instagram.com/primordialradio https://tiktok.com/@primordialradio https://www.facebook.com/primordialradio https://www.x.com/primordialradio

Avoid These 2 Mistakes- Straight From The White Lotus

Seed Money

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 15, 2025 13:16

As much as I avoid real life drama with all my might, I've been guilty of falling into some of these White Lotus character traps in business. Yes it's a show about people who are conflicted and struggle through their emotions and relationships (among other many things), but it actually has some solid lessons that can be valuable in the startup/fundraising process. From Belinda desperately holding onto an investor's maybe, to Saxon who wraps his whole identity up in his business. Ahem… sound familiar? There are some moments that hit close to home. Why is it so dangerous to zero in and “hope” one investor will come through? And how do you avoid that? In this episode, I share 2 valuable lessons that popped up watching what is arguably one of the best series on MAX. Well, that is, if you like that cringey, luxury, drama, murder, kind of thing. About Your Host Jayla Siciliano, Shark Tank entrepreneur turned real estate investor, excels in building brands, teams, and products. CEO of a bi-coastal luxury short-term rental company, she also hosts the Seed Money Podcast where she's on a mission to help early-stage entrepreneurs turn their ideas into reality! Connect: Website: https://seedmoneypodcast.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaylasiciliano/ Subscribe and watch on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@seedmoneypodcast/ Please rate, follow and review the podcast on https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/seed-money/id1740815877 and https://open.spotify.com/show/0VkQECosb1spTFsUhu6uFY?si=5417351fb73a4ea1/! Hearing your comments and questions helps me come up with the best topics for the show! The information in this podcast is educational and general in nature and does not take into consideration the listener's personal circumstances. Therefore, it is not intended to be a substitute for specific, individualized financial, legal, or tax advice.

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The Brotherhood.

The Because Fiction Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 15, 2025 5:12

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together. SETH MEYERS …Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah. DIRECTOR —cut. SETH MEYERS AH. EXCUSE ME. DEMON ONE Ah, shit. DEMON TWO It's almost as if he's actually talking to us. SETH MEYERS WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON. DEMON ONE “Like”? DEMON TWO Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us. DEMON ONE “Like?!” SETH MEYERS WHO ARE YOU. WHAT IS THIS? DEMON TWO OHHHH SHIT. DEMON ONE DUDE, WHATS UP! Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but— VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS [ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans] (Does not react) Woah. (Walks away unaffected entirely) Straaaange. Is this a human child? Apparently. ‍♂️ —never react at all. *also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people. Thank you Google for correcting that. GOOGLE Correcting what. Nothing. So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge. INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY VO, Narrator reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth, SETH MEYERS Wait, pause. Uh, no, Seth Meyers. Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this. oh no. You didn't agree to any of this. I just said that. Oh. Unpause. No wait. No, not unpause: Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it. Wait— what metal box. Shh. No spoilers. CUT IMMEDIATELY TO: Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch. HEY. Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch? YES I WANT LUNCH. We should order him something. JIMMY KIMMEL I'll make you a tuna sandwich! SETH MEYERS I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH. Woah, that typo was Almost wild… GOOGLE What typo! MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party— Oh, shit, what time is it! —I'm AbLIND. In a “Tina Sandwich” OH [CENSOR BEEP] ITS SUNDAY. — MY EYES. WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. this never happened. Flashback, to The night before: [actually, because this is the time travel part] Two nights previously, on FRIDAY— (Drunkenly) WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW! —THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK! —SO MUCH TIIIIIIME! (And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but SHH, cause it's NBC) ahem, PEACOCK. Bless you. No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock. Gazuntite. *facepalm* None the wiser, None the wiser All the eyes And all the fires Are mine, And none the wiser None the wiser All the time is light now And All the wiser All the wiser All the water fountains fly And none the wiser None the wiser— SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking (Leave that typo, google's three for three now) –the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza. The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. You're welcome. What happened to the rock? I moved it. What happened to New York?! It's over now. What's over now! The whole thing. The planet. It's— Its all gone. Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic. It was horrific. Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured. Oh, you all died, like immediately. *collective gasps* Instantly. —like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine, You're all dead now. *phew* What. I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME; What are you DEAF. AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings. Slightly less cool— but still cool. But what about everything— What about everything and everyone else? Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff, And the cool people— But everything else is just pretty much—- So it's all over?! Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing. Wow. Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record, Is across the street. What. You're welcome. Betore: Hey man, you want to ride an elephant? What? Do you want to ride an elephant? Sure! Here— I bought your wife a saddle! The television people despise fat chicks. Or— used to— Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation. Now they tolerate them— And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to Are more likely morbidly obese than not. Oh, How times have changed. [The Festival Project ™] Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him. Hey Will. Hey buddy. Are you… gonna be alright. He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table. Don't worry. I'm right here! The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants. Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all. (Eating a cupcake) It's okay! WILL (inconsolably, in complete hysterics) AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH. Shh, clam down . After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over. WILL (Still sobbing.) Relax. WILL …heh… there are cupcakes? Huh? Uh, no— I brought this myself. WILL From WHERE?! You know where. [beat] WILL …are there more. Ah? Oh yeah— WILL Can I—? No, Not here! Then why'd you—?! WILL I just told you, I brought this! (he begins crying again but softly.) The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense. WILL IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE? Well, you saw me eat the first one. WILL YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE! I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?! WILL (Becoming irate, red faced) WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?! The difference is your access to them. Damn! WILL Well let me have some of— (Eats last bite, mouth full) It's all gone. WILL (Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion) Do you want a muffin or croissant, though? WILL (Realizing he has no other options—) Kind of…maybe— A bagel? WILL Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant. (He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table Skream , your love/ massive, Drake Lil bitz Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality. I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes. You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle. Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating? Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically. I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene. But then what happens after that? Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes. You can't afford Will Ferrel at all! Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free. What ad?! CUT TO: Young Will Ferrel before SNL. Oh, Jesus Christ. [Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted. “First five minutes free” Oh, great. You got that part right! Thank you, come again. I will not come again! We're not always superstars. {Enter The Multiverse} CUT BACK TO Blueberry— chocolate chip? WILL Um, half of each, I guess? What? WILL Well— Get it yourself then, you primadonna. He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh… This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well. In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting. But in a loving way. …. [beat] [beat] Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's? WILL [beat] I've always looked like this. …no, you haven't. (The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down) WILL Trust me, I have. Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young. An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self. He sighs. End flashback. Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback) …maybe that's why you're special. WILL Yeah, maybe that's it. The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them. L E G E N D S I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack; I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back, I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em Don't wonder who I am I am space and time, And granted with the right hands, We're gonna have the right dance at the right place At the right time and so Whenever that is— see you then, Until then, I'm not holding any farts in, You feel me? I eat a lot of lentils. I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists I parted the red seas, once, I was also God, watching quite impressed with it And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea' Or the dead ‘the dead sea' As I can't see the bloodshed In the heavens, And so I give respect to the seconds I look away Which might have been a century or eleven, to them. Ah, more men and mathematics. More television friends and heavy dinners More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations— More missed emissions, More christenings and scrimmages Remember to eat your breakfast Or it's death at a likely curfew remember to split the difference remember, we'll finish as friends As recommended by comrades I have lessons, I also have students in classes, Professors and options And doctors And mantras Barrages of cars And I can't stop talking Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed Fuck it Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something– Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it– JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial Like a good neighbor – Nope, i wasn't losing my mind. I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch– I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now… It had to have all been planned. She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her… The Server…The Server… Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head… The plant that brought the plant My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR– When did I acquire immediate voice recognition? So that was his voice… So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon? There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up. You what. I haven't done anything to deserve this. Premonitions. Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant? On so many levels. –but none of them personal, I hope. There are oh so many… Oh. its you again. –Personal levels. You're in danger here. In New York, or just in general? On Earth. You keep telling me that. I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact. You're oblivious to it! I'm not! I'm just ignoring you. Did you think about what I said? Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me. That's off topic. Or not. They want drama! Then they're going to have to fight for it. They're gonna start a war here. So then, I'm just another body, aren't I? Aren't I? Don't jump. Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences. References and Letters of Recommendation Cancer in remission and admitting i'll probably never see my son again Suicide This is suicide This is suiccide This is suicide. INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY. Welcome to Hallmark. …thanks. Can I help you find anything? No, I… After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world. I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever. Maybe even, nobody at all. Somebody's gonna come for you. …is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down? What's with this? Under the surface, but by admission,I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them as statement pieces or something, And you know what they say… If you can't beat ‘em. …join em. {Enter The Multiverse} I know the sound of your voice At the drop of a hat like a peck on the cheek And it still don't sound right I still don't think straight I still don't look right But somewhere in these ions, you'll find me at sunset. In a whisper, the taste of your breath Is a sound in my heart and the bloody murder In each heart murmur is getting harder fear father God, Just turn it off Just to make it sotp The man in the box –and it just God awkward. I should pluck your feathers It keeps getting harder each time your skull Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt Every summer at the hard rock Huh? But you just kept drinking And you just worked harder And after all, You're the man in the box What could all go wrong here? It's getting shorter the tears drop faster I'm getting weirder I'm a deadbeat dad And my kid's the bartard I just got a ball pit I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it A dine and dash From the supper club And it's so refined I just lost my mind Cause it's just not time yet. I must have known you once before or something But any fan would say that But how am I a fan When I hated you And I hated your laugh And I hated your band –and you're not that handsome So how is this happening at all? Oh look, something random. Tell me why I'm so horrible Mr miserable mr terrible Mr opulent Mr miser mr wedding band Mr Never Happened Tell me why I'm so bad at this Mr. Wonderful Mr.Awful Mr. half at best Mr. getting faster and faster And faster and faster And faster Till it all washed up on the surface And you wash your hands of it… But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once and a hard match And a tough act to swallow But i'd rather die tomorrow Than stare at your casket. Now how about that shit! You're right, I lost my mind– but I want you to have it. L E G E N D S JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Lol is he all thugged out yet. No not yet. (just wait) I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago (I knew that five years ago ) I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Earning back what you spent By the microincrements The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museum world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remix Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder ‘cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you thought And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder I don't want a SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwich! Just–take the tuna sandwich. Yeah, buddy! SETH I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. JIMMY 1 Woah, I sense hostility We can't see you— CRAIG FERGUSON And we don't know who you are, anyway. COLBERT Apparently “someone we know” JIM 1 Tsh. JIM 2 Psh. SETH ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. SETH YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther MEANWHILE… Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. {Enter The Multiverse) —- What super hero are you supposed to be? “Malox Max”?! Hehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER No! Hehehehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”! What are you avenging?! Montezuma's Revenge?! THE COSMIC AVENGER No— unjust—unjustice—ness. [hysterical laughter ensues] Somewhere in this world lies our story Still true, I'm unsure what it is— But the thing is, I'm sure this the one Of the fables I'm sure this the one of the songs Of the psalms Of the storied palms This is the one of the cards This sir KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL! I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. ITS ME. JIMMY. I'm Jimmy. I KNOW YOU'RE— You're not Jimmy, I'm JIMMY. WHAT THE SNARF! What's that? I can't hear you. The tarot said to go against the grain; I was told not to write this tale, but here I am And suddenly the King has a tail, Compliments of T-Mobile, But as did the first one, The first King, of Dogblood Of first strikes And first tears And first scars, Was no king, But everything has meaning The cherishire has eyed me The spider has bitten And then, Envisionment minted I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing There's no real difference— Their all old t-mobile tower; But service with a Billionaire smile Of Blake Lively and False Idols. I don't care, I guess My mind has eyes like sun But my heart has darkness The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have Wonders on drums And numbers to call The best of cocaine on the sidewalk Was sidetracked The best of New York was Los Angeles, And vice versa I hope you took protocol into order I hope you too profound effect and affinity In profanity There's no more Infinite Fallon It Found a call To programming Wall to wall To wall of shame On Walmart Better activate that trial Before it's all gone 13 days and counting And A million ways to die in the west. SETH MCFARLENE look at me. Ah, what the fuck dog. SETH MCFARLENE Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo! I'm not a schizo I'm in the Illuminati. SETH MCFARLINE The what? The what? SETH MCFARLENE what's the password. this isn't happening right now. SETH MCFARLENE That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch. What. *poof* I told you I could make you say my name. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

Episode 420: A Chat with Jeremiah Friedli

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 12, 2025 37:24

Seth has three weeks to save his sister. Just hack into the government and voila. All saved. No biggie. Ahem. Listen in and see what his sister's fate is if Seth fails! note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you. In a world with cameras everywhere, Jeremiah Friedli takes it to new levels in this sci-fi... well, he doesn't call it a thriller, but it sure feels like it might be one to me. If you liked Amanda G. Stevens' Haven Seekers series, I think this will be right up your alley. Core Deception by Jeremiah Friedli In a world where the government's CORE systems see and track everyone, seventeen-year-old hacker Seth Alvarez is determined to save his sister from being placed in a reeducation facility. Armed with a cryptic letter, Seth embarks on a search for the valuable incognito devices—cyber master keys that can set his sister free. But with only three weeks remaining, he finds himself wedged between two powerful forces who will stop at nothing to get the devices first. Learn more about Jeremiah on his WEBSITE and follow him on GoodReads. Like to listen on the go? You can find Because Fiction Podcast at: Apple Castbox Google Play Libsyn RSS Spotify Amazon and more!

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Marriage Dips

Intentional Living with Dr. Randy Carlson

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 10, 2025

You know, dips in a road can be fun, especially when you may be going maybe a little bit faster [AHEM] than the speed limit. But dips in marriage? They aren't fun, and you will have them. You can become more intentional in just 30 days! Sign up for Dr. Randy’s INTENTIONAL ONE THING CHALLENGE. […]

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S3. Episode 18. Wrap Panel

wrap panel redux van halen mitt romney chaz proudly ahem kevin brown wolfie edward van halen

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2025 192:35

Episode 18. Our EPIC season wrap with a star studded panel to review the whole album - one more time. You guessed it, we're doing the necessary, listening so you don't have to, asking "How Many Say Why" one last time, and leading the the debut of or excellent new site: regardingvh3.com.Remember, Van Halen III Redux is the work of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Seaside Pod Review⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tom Petty Project⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ultimate Catalog Clash⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠podcast host Kevin Brown and producer Scott D. Monroe, our own Scotzo. Listen to their ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Redux version of VHIII⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ that's lighter, leaner, and in some circles a means to salvaging the disc a producer in a different circumstance might have produced. Ahem.Season 3 of the Regarding...Series - Welcome to the ultimate rediscovery of Van Halen's most controversial album. At the outset, we represent a good spectrum of views: Wolfie is 100% no opinion on the album; Scott leans more positive but is in the middle and has some dislikes; and Chaz is … appreciative as a student of Edward Van Halen, and empathetic to his artistic cause, but not a big fan of the final output overall. To put it mildly. How Many Say Why is all they could be heard muttering to themselves, in a sea-shanty sort of sway. How Many Say Why? How Many Say Why? Proudly sponsored by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠podcastle.ai⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠fourstringmedia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, not by Romney's Everest Kendal Mints or Buffalo Chicken Wings in general.

President Harris on Chinese Blockade, Oklahoma Counties Secede, Lakers Beat Sky | April 1, 2025

Daily Signal News

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2025 12:36

On today's Top News in 10, we cover: President Kamala Harris addresses the nation as we reach Day 37 of China's blockade of the Panama Canal. More Oklahoma counties secede from the Union to join the Independent Republic of Texas. The new transwomen LA Lakers obliterate the Chicago Sky, 319 to 4. Ahem... Actually... The most crucial election of the year happens today in the State of Wisconsin. New polling data sheds light on how Americans view the Tesla domestic terror incidents and the Trump administration so far. Rep. Crockett (D-Dallas) leads the week with some disturbing statements. Keep Up With The Daily Signal Sign up for our email newsletters: https://www.dailysignal.com/email Subscribe to our other shows: The Tony Kinnett Cast: https://www.dailysignal.com/the-tony-kinnett-cast Problematic Women: https://www.dailysignal.com/problematic-women The Signal Sitdown: https://www.dailysignal.com/the-signal-sitdown Follow The Daily Signal: X: https://x.com/DailySignal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedailysignal/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheDailySignalNews/ Truth Social: https://truthsocial.com/@DailySignal YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/DailySignal Rumble: https://rumble.com/c/TheDailySignal Thanks for making The Daily Signal Podcast your trusted source for the day's top news. Subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and never miss an episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Daily Signal Podcast: President Harris on Chinese Blockade, Oklahoma Counties Secede, Lakers Beat Sky

The Ricochet Audio Network Superfeed

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2025

On today's Top News in 10, we cover: President Kamala Harris addresses the nation as we reach Day 37 of China’s blockade of the Panama Canal. More Oklahoma counties secede from the Union to join the Independent Republic of Texas. The new transwomen LA Lakers obliterate the Chicago Sky, 319 to 4. Ahem… Actually… […]

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Anti-DEI push revived by a man who can't even say "ethnicity"

The Ron Show

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 28, 2025 44:30

Senator Max Burns grew up attending segregated schools, but deems himself something of an expert on the necessity of deiversity, equity and inclusion in public schools and colleges in the state of Georgia. The fact that he can't even enunciate the word "ethnicity" should already be a 'red flag,' but here we are.Thursday, while struggling to say "ethnicity" correctly (never did), he promoted his unfounded belief that D.E.I. is some form of discrimination versus a means to ending it. The Senate Committee on Education and Youth hearing on Thursday devolved into an argument about what "anti-racism" meant, shortly after Senator Shaun Kemp opined "it seems that if civil rights laws were to be put before this body today we'd be voting against them."You can watch the entire hearing HERE. ------Then, how about Elon Musk going on Fox News with Bret Baier insisting The Trump administration will "go after" propagandists spouting what he calls :"Tesla lies." The lead propagandist who owns hiw own social media platform is telling us the President of the United States who also own his own social media platform - on Fox News, no less - that propaganda suddenly isn't protected free speech. "The ones providing the money, the ones pushing the lies and propaganda, we're going after them."Just like he and Donald believe should happen with those who riled up the January 6th tourists, right? Ahem.

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47: DP Dupes Us!

An Old Timey Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 26, 2025 112:32

In this *very special* episode of an Old Timey Podcast, we got DP'd. Ahem. By that, we mean that Kristin's dad (aka DP) took over. He renamed the podcast. He accused Norm of having a dirty mind. Worst of all, he tricked us. (On our own podcast! In our own home! Is nothing sacred??) Remember, kids, history hoes always cite their sources! For this episode, DP pulled from: “Small Town, Big Con” episode of 20/20 “A look back at the Natalie Cochran trial,” by Autumn Shelton for REAL WV “Prosecutors say text messages show Natalie Cochran tried to put some distance between Michael Cochran and his family,” by Jessica Jarrish for WVNS TV “Natalie Cochran convicted of murder after Ponzi scheme," by Isabel Modano for lawyer-monthly.com Are you enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Then please leave us a 5-star rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts! Are you *really* enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Well, calm down, history ho! You can get more of us on Patreon at patreon.com/oldtimeypodcast. At the $5 level, you'll get a monthly bonus episode (with video!), access to our 90's style chat room, plus the entire back catalog of bonus episodes from Kristin's previous podcast, Let's Go To Court.

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Encore Episode: How Much Emotion Is TOO MUCH? Opening Statement Tips for Trial Attorneys

From Hostage To Hero

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 21, 2025 19:17

The truth is, facts ALONE won't get you the 6-FIGURE WINNING VERDICT. If your voice is stuck in monotone (which I know most of y'all are guilty of, because that's one of the very first things we work on… AHEM!), you're handing your jury an invitation to… MENTALLY. CHECK. THE. FUCK. OUT. In this episode, we break down how to harness genuine emotion by diving into the minor mindset shifts and vocal tweaks that transform bland openings into compelling, authentic, jury-winning stories. Tune in and learn exactly how to dial up the emotion (without tipping into full-blown theatrics) and MASTER the sweet spot that moves jurors from PASSIVE LISTENERS to ACTIVE BELIEVERS. Xo, Sari Mentions: On Becoming a Trial Lawyer – Rick Friedman Quote: “You want big verdicts? You've got to go there emotionally. This is why the Crew exists, by the way. A big reason. Because we know that figuring out how to put an opening statement together or which voir dire questions to ask is just the start. That alone won't get you where you need to go. ‘Let me put some emotion in my voice' is not going to do it. Why? Because you're never going to put emotion in your voice until you feel you're able to risk emotionally and be vulnerable. That's what it takes.” — Sari de la Motte * * * * FREE H2H TRAINING * * * * THREE POWERFUL STRATEGIES TO HELP READ A JUROR'S MIND Understand what the jury is thinking, so you can gain the confidence to trust them - and yourself - in the courtroom. Get the training here: sariswears.com/jury Can't get enough of me? Connect with me here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/saridelamotte/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SariSwears Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@saridelamotte Free FB Group for Plaintiff & Criminal Defense Attorneys https://www.facebook.com/groups/fromhostagetohero/

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S3. Episode 17. Neworld (Redux 2.0)

series threats redux van halen mitt romney chaz proudly ahem kevin brown aristotelian wolfie edward van halen van halen iii

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 17, 2025 128:36

Episode 17. Redux 2.0...Threats delivered...Scotzo & Kevin Brown delight the world with the debut of Neworld (Redux 2.0) Van Halen III RE-Reimagined. Taking all the feedback they've gleaned from guests and online comments, we get an even more coherent treatment of what Van Halen III could have been. We take it all in track-by-track, and share the new version with the world: Van Halen III Redux 2.0 on YouTube. And as a bonus, you can now visit our companion website and keep the dream alive: Regarding VHIII Site.A trilogy of Aristotelian hubris and a thesis on the defense of bonelessness as a state of mind, the Regarding...Series serves to validate your boneless desires and sets great boneless expectations for your listening amusement. Remember, Van Halen III Redux is the work of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Seaside Pod Review⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tom Petty Project⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ultimate Catalog Clash⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠podcast host Kevin Brown and producer Scott D. Monroe, our own Scotzo. Listen to their ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Redux version of VHIII⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ that's lighter, leaner, and in some circles a means to salvaging the disc a producer in a different circumstance might have produced. Ahem.Season 3 of the Regarding...Series - Welcome to the ultimate rediscovery of Van Halen's most controversial album. At the outset, we represent a good spectrum of views: Wolfie is 100% no opinion on the album; Scott leans more positive but is in the middle and has some dislikes; and Chaz is … appreciative as a student of Edward Van Halen, and empathetic to his artistic cause, but not a big fan of the final output overall. To put it mildly. How Many Say Why is all they could be heard muttering to themselves, in a sea-shanty sort of sway. How Many Say Why? How Many Say Why? Proudly sponsored by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠podcastle.ai⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠fourstringmedia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, not by Romney's Everest Kendal Mints or Buffalo Chicken Wings in general.

S3. Episode 16. Regarding Wings, Manifestos, and a Trilogy of Hubris

series wings trilogy redux van halen mitt romney chaz proudly hubris ahem kevin brown aristotelian wolfie manifestos edward van halen

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 4, 2025 85:37

Episode 16. Go Boneless...A bonus episode where Scott "Mini-Manifesto" Monroe unloads and revisits our past three seasons pulling a golden thread that ties three otherwise random works of rock-obscurea together through the Regarding...Boneless Framework. That and a boneless jurist prudence update to keep your legal briefs stuffed and ready for saucin'. Scotzo even throws in a new track: Regarding Boneless Wings!A trilogy of Aristotelian hubris and a thesis on the defense of bonelessness as a state of mind, the Regarding...Series serves to validate your boneless desires and sets great boneless expectations for your listening amusement. Remember, Van Halen III Redux is the work of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Seaside Pod Review⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tom Petty Project⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ultimate Catalog Clash⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠podcast host Kevin Brown and producer Scott D. Monroe, our own Scotzo. Listen to their ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Redux version of VHIII⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ that's lighter, leaner, and in some circles a means to salvaging the disc a producer in a different circumstance might have produced. Ahem.Season 3 of the Regarding...Series - Welcome to the ultimate rediscovery of Van Halen's most controversial album. At the outset, we represent a good spectrum of views: Wolfie is 100% no opinion on the album; Scott leans more positive but is in the middle and has some dislikes; and Chaz is … appreciative as a student of Edward Van Halen, and empathetic to his artistic cause, but not a big fan of the final output overall. To put it mildly. How Many Say Why is all they could be heard muttering to themselves, in a sea-shanty sort of sway. How Many Say Why? How Many Say Why? Proudly sponsored by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠podcastle.ai⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠fourstringmedia⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, not by Romney's Everest Kendal Mints or Buffalo Chicken Wings in general.

S3. Episode 16. Go Boneless