Podcast appearances and mentions of dan goleman

What is lacking in today’s chaotic world is Emotional Intelligence. People can’t move through conflict, they can’t forgive, never forget, and keep a pound of flesh and a record of wrong. We won’t socialize with someone who votes differently than we do, and we judge others by their external features; The color of the skin, their sexual preference, who they vote for! It is a mess! To quote Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get a long?” What is lacking is EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. Emotional intelligence is now seen as a “need to have” ingredient in the makeup of leaders. One of the early purveyors of the concept of EQ (Emotional Intelligence), Dan Goleman says this about EQ: “Without emotional intelligence, a person can have the best training in the world, an incisive, analytical mind, and an endless supply of smart ideas, but he still won’t make a great leader.” Goleman identified five elements of our make-up that we could attribute to emotional intelligence: 1-Self Awareness – How much do we understand about our own moods, states, and emotions. 2-Self Regulation – How good are we at thinking before we act? 3- Motivation – How strong is your desire to relentlessly pursue your goals? 4-Empathy – How easy do we find it to see another person’s point of view? How much do we understand about the emotional make-up of other people? 5-Social Skills – How easily are you able to build rapport and find common ground to effectively manage your relationships? In today’s hour of power Mr. Black will also share with you 2 tools that he uses to help others GROW THEIR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: Epigenetics and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Warriors it is time to get EQUIPPED- Like IT MATTERS! Be sure to Like and Follow us on our facebook page!www.facebook.com/limradio Instagram @likeitmattersradioTwitter @likeitmatters Get daily inspiration from our blog www.wayofwarrior.blog Learn about our non profit work at www.givelikeitmatters.com Check out our training website www.LikeItMatters.Net Always available online at www.likeitmattersradio.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

**Please Note: There is a small lapse in the sermon at minute 24:55, due to a power failure. There In 1990, the term “Emotional Intelligence” was coined by two researchers, Peter Salavoy and John Mayer in their article “Emotional Intelligence” in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality. It was later popularized by Dan Goleman in his best-selling, 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence. Goleman described Emotional Intelligence as a person's ability to manage their feelings so that those feelings are expressed appropriately and effectively. According to Goleman, Emotional Intelligence is the largest single predictor of success in the workplace. Goleman's book rightfully had a significant impact on Human Resourcing in the workplace. The search for people with “High EQ's” began replacing the search for people with “High IQ's”! In our day “Emotional Intelligence” is sometimes referred to as “Social Intelligence” or “Relational Intelligence”. Interestingly, James, the little brother of our LORD JESUS, wrote about this topic almost 2,000 years earlier, teaching followers of JESUS how to grow in “Relational Wisdom”! In this message, Pastor Joe Still teaches from James 3:13-18 which shows us how we might all grow in “Relational Wisdom”.

In this episode of The Balanced Leader Podcast, I argue that self-awareness is a superpower for effective leadership. Drawing wisdom from Aristotle's words, I share my personal journey as a recovering over thinker with a relentless monkey mind. Self-awareness, as defined by emotional intelligence expert Dan Goleman, becomes a cornerstone for leadership success, fostering productive and creative teams.I share my practical tips for developing self-awareness; from journaling to seeking professional guidance. The episode concludes with a real-life example of a leader, illustrating how self-awareness catalysed her transformation and improved her team's dynamics.Ultimately, the key takeaway is the significance of embracing self-reflection, acknowledging areas for improvement, and taking proactive steps to cultivate the leadership superpower of self-awareness.For the full show notes and transcript, click here.Find out more about Rob Hills: www.robhills.com.auRob Hills Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robhills_Rob Hills Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/iamrobhillsRob Hills LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rob-hills/

When Victoria Feldman speaks about multiculturalism she speaks with the authority of someone who has lived and worked in five different continents. And by her own admission she is an “evangelist” for Emotional Intelligence (EI) and how it is a practice that can help resolve differences and build positive relations between different cultures and types of individuals. In this podcast interview Victoria introduces the practice of ‘empathy mapping' - an exercise that significantly increases team members' understanding of each other. It can also be used for improving communication between cross-functional teams. At one point she hilariously mimics the way the Americans give feedback, sugaring the message, compared to the Israelis who tend to be very direct and blunt. Victoria uses Dan Goleman's material, self-awareness, social awareness and so on to give her students a framework within which to build their EI skills. She talks about making emotions work for us versus against us. Victoria Feldman is clearly an inspiring and distinguished teacher and a highly sought-after speaker and leader in the field of leadership development and organizational transformation. Please listen in to see why. Bio Victoria Feldman is a distinguished multicultural speaker with a wealth of expertise in leadership development, employee development, and organisational transformation. Throughout her career, she has created top-notch talent and leadership development programs, leading to improved performance, engagement, and motivation in organisations. Her record of accomplishment includes working with leading technology and Fortune 500 firms, such as Meta, Paypal, Visa, and Amazon, as well as early-stage startups. Currently, Victoria is serving as the Head of Learning and Development at Amazon, where she is entrusted with the task of establishing and overseeing a strategic framework for training, talent, and leadership development. She is responsible for designing and implementing cutting-edge programmes that cater to the development needs of employees across the organisation. Victoria's vast experience, skills, and accomplishments make her a highly sought-after speaker and leader in the field of leadership development and organisational transformation.

Description: How do we heal and transform society through conscious leadership?    Conscious leadership is a turning towards oneself and the questions of one's life.  A conscious leader asks what lines will I not cross ethically?  What really matters?  What is mine to guard and protect?  What is mine to heal and restore?  How can I be in service in society?   We can only become a conscious leader by developing the qualities on the inside that support conscious action on the outside.   In this podcast interview with my friend Mary Abijaay, you will learn the root cause of unconscious leadership, how to manage yourself in the face of unconscious leaders, how to manage up in the midst of difficulty, and what to pay attention to in yourself and others to determine how to achieve success with your boss at work.   Episode Links: Mary's Book Mary on LinkedIn From Triggered to Triumph- Team Experience with Carley How to Coach a Harmful and Unconscious Leader with Carley  Navigating Triggers Meditation with Carley Polyvagal Theory- How to Befriend Your Nervous System with Deb Dana  HBR Article- We need trauma informed Workplaces SHINE Links: Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes  Building Trust Free Gift Carley Links: LinkedIn Consultation Call with Carley Book Carley for Speaking Leading from Wholeness Learning & Development Carley's Book Executive Coaching with Carley Well Being Resources: Inner Game Meditations Inner Game Leadership Assessment Social:  LinkedIn IG Website Shine Podcast Page IMPERFECT SHOW NOTES Carley Hauck  0:10   Hi, my name is Carley Hauck and I am host of the shine podcast. This podcast has been flickering strong since May 2019. I began the podcast due to all the research I was conducting in interviews with organizational leaders, lead scientists, academic researchers and spiritual teachers for my new book shine, ignite your inner game to lead consciously at work in the world. I wrote my book to inspire a new paradigm of conscious leadership and business that was in service of higher purpose to help humans flourish, and regenerate our planet. The podcast focuses on the science and application of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices that you can cultivate to be the kind of leader our world needs now. I will be facilitating two to three episodes a month. And before I tell you about the theme of our season, please go over to Apple podcasts, hit the subscribe button on shine or go to your favorite podcast platform carrier. That way you don't miss one episode. Thank you. This season is going to be focused on what leadership skills are most needed to create a healthy organizational culture. Leadership and manager effectiveness has been deemed the number one priority for HR and 2023. And every person listening whether you have a formal leadership title or not, you are a leader. We all have the responsibility to lead around something that we care about whether it's at home with our family, and our communities and or in the workplace. And on to the podcast. Hello shine podcast listeners. Thank you so much for joining me in this wonderful conversation with my friend Mary Abby, Jay. And Mary. Just a quick intro for folks. I actually found you a couple years ago when I was listening to Sarah holds podcast advice to my younger me, but she just actually finished she finished the podcast I saw her like last post I think it was last week. But I found Sara because she wrote this fabulous book with the same name advice to my younger me and I frankly thought Why didn't I know this in my 30s? Why am I now just discovering this in my 40s Well, she hadn't read it. She hadn't written it yet. And as part of her research, she researched all these incredible women leaders and you were one of the very first interviews that she did and you just really resonated and So I kind of had been holding this idea to reach out and then I did and voila. And I'm so happy. You're connected. And thank you so much for your work. Mary Abbajay  5:10   Well, Carly, that's so sweet. Now I just kind of feel like I just said good night Detroit. Like Thank you tip your waitresses, because that was really, really lovely. Yeah, Sarah is lovely person. And I was so delighted when you reached out to me, so I'm really excited to be here. So thanks for having me. Carley Hauck  5:24   Well, thank you. Could you share a little bit with our listeners about the work that you're doing in the world? And and also anything else you want to share about you as a person? identities? All those pieces? All those hats? We were right. Mary Abbajay  5:41   Oh, my gosh. So well, you know, I'm an introvert. So this is like my worst nightmare to talk about myself. But for you for you, Carly, I will do it. Hello, Shine listeners. My name is Mariana J. I am an organizational development consultant, I have a little boutique firm, called Career stone group. And we like to say that we help people make workplaces that are productive and positive. And we help people to be productive and positive in their workplaces. I'm a Gemini, I live in Washington, DC, I am married with one little furbaby named Valentino, he's a little rescue shitzu, if you've ever heard of such a thing, and I'm the author of a book called Managing Up, how to move up when at work and succeed with any type of boss, and it's all about how you can really take control of your career and be successful. I love what I do. I am a workaholic. Mostly because I love my work. Because I get to do cool things like this all the time. And that really, really feeds my soul, I have this diluted sense that by helping people make their work lives better, I'm doing just a little bit to make the world a better place. So that's, that's kind of under passion about what I do. So that's, that's me. Carley Hauck  6:54   Thank you. I love hearing all those other parts about you. Some of those I knew, because you're pretty transparent in the book. Well, I have to say this book is phenomenal. Like I have a high bar for books, being an author myself. And I just think this is so needed. And so for those of you that have had a boss or have a boss, they'll get this book, there will be links in the show notes, show notes, but I highly recommended. And before I even got to the part, where you share in the book, Why you actually ended up kind of writing this book, I had this intuition, I bet she had a really bad boss. And for all of them. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so that's really where I wanted to go in our in our conversation today. So they're kind of a couple of threads, I wanted to speak about how we manage ourselves first self management, so that we can confidently and powerfully manage up with any kind of boss. And I also wanted to talk a little more deeply about some of the root causes of why people are acting unconsciously, we could call them you know, bad bosses, I often like to use unconscious leaders because sometimes these behaviors, and even the wounding that is causing these behaviors are unconscious. And so instead of healing, they're hurting, and they're harming people in the workplace. I also wanted to bring in a little bit of the research that I have done and the framework on what are the conscious leadership qualities that we can grow, so that we can actually be more conscious leaders, and people don't have to manage us so much. And then lastly, I'd love to ask you some questions about what you can actually be assessing, when you're first having interviews with this potential new hire or new boss, and also what you might be able to do in the first 90 days to 100 days. And then I thought it could be fun if we role played one of the vos personalities and how you might manage yourself and how you might manage them. So we have a meaty discussion here. Unknown Speaker  9:20   I love it. I can't wait. Carley Hauck  9:22   Thank you. Thank you. Well, for folks that have been listening to the shine podcast, you know that I started this podcast because it was part of the research that I was conducting on my book on conscious leadership. And part of the reason that I wrote that book was because I was seeing lots and lots of folks in different industries over 10 years that were possessing certain qualities of consciousness that then supported more high performing teams psychological safety trust, well being and they were the exception, unfortunately. not the rule. So as a way to discern, and really bring in this framework, I had to see a lot of unconscious leadership, personally and professionally. And so, Mary, this brings us back to the reason that you wrote this book. It sounds like you had multiple leaders that and bosses that were really hard to navigate and to manage up. Do you feel like sharing any story from any one of those? Mary Abbajay  10:33   Oh, yeah. I mean, I share a lot of them in the books me I had, you know, and I think throughout, first of all, all the bad bosses I had led me to decide that if they could be a bad boss, I could be my own bad boss. I didn't need someone else being an asshole. I could be an asshole to myself, like, I didn't need that. So I have so many bad bosses is one of the reasons why I went, I became an entrepreneur. I'm like, I can do this. Like, I don't need this above me. So all in all, it was a good thing. You know, I had a boss, I had a boss that was a horrible micromanager, just horrible, horrible, horrible. I had a boss who was a screaming, shouting bully. I had a boss that was just completely incompetent, inadequate. And of all these bosses, I did have one boss, who was amazing, who was the kind of boss that really partnered with you. He was the kind of boss that really encouraged you. And he was kind of boss that that you could really flourish with. So I have had one good boss, well, the PROSPER not very good, but only one was toxic. And so as we talk about, like difficult bosses or difficult people or unconscious leadership, I think there's a big difference between someone who is an okay person, but not a good boss, right? A good boss for you. But there are people so that maybe they're unconscious of the impact of their of their bossing behaviors. But I do hope we do talk a little bit about like those that are not good people. They're more than unconscious. They're, they're the toxic people, because I think that's a real problem in the world. Carley Hauck  12:06   It is, it is an actually, I wanted to go there a little bit with you right now. So thank you for sharing all of that. So this was one of the quotes that I found in your book, and I, you know, I bring research into everything that I am also talking about, because it it really grounds it in a certain reality, especially for those skeptics, but you shared that research shows that it takes up to 22 months to emotionally and psychologically recover from the trauma of a psycho crazy bully tyrannical screaming egomaniac boss. Yeah, that's a long time. Yeah. And so what would Mary Abbajay  12:47   you say? I'll tell you, Carly. So you know, that was the research that I found a couple of years ago, and I wrote the book. And since then, I have probably spoken to well over like 10s and 10s of 1000s of people. And in every crowd, there's going to be 20%, who have had a psycho crazy, tyrannical, toxic boss, right? And I always ask people, How long did it take you to recover? And I think the 22 months was conservative, because I am hearing people talk about the trauma 23456 years later. So I think that 22 months is actually if I was to rewrite the book today, I might say up to five years, because I have met way too many people that are still struggling and still recovering from that trauma years and years after. Carley Hauck  13:35   I just feel such sadness and heaviness in my heart. Because I know part of why you and I are both here is we want to create healing organizations know that let work be a place where we can thrive. Thank you for for sharing that. Yeah. Mary Abbajay  13:52   And I will say this to any of your listeners, because this is really like this just gets my goat that we still in the 21st century. With all we know about neuroscience with all we know about organizational effectiveness and engagement, that organizations still allow toxic leaders in their organization. It just like I was, you know, we just saw the thing about Jimmy Fallon, like every week and these are famous people. Think about all those organizations that don't have famous leaders that nobody cares that this is happening. So you know, I want people to realize that if you are working in a toxic situation, you have to get out. No one is coming to save you. HR isn't coming to save you. They may want to save you they don't usually have the power to save you because the toxic people usually sit at the very top and toxic workplaces will make you physically ill you have a 60% increased likelihood of cardiac diseases stroke, it decimates your immune system, making you susceptible to all sorts of diseases like flus cold ulcers, it decimated You know, your emotional field, your psychological field, your mental health. And we know that people stay in toxic situations two years longer than they stay in other non toxic situations, because there's a lot of toxicity that goes on and what we call high meaning careers. fields like law fields, like medicine, fields, like politics, fields, like government. So people will tend to stay longer in these fields, because they really love their job, or they're passionate about what they're doing and for whom nonprofits is also a big place for toxicity. And so people tend to stay much longer, I just have to tell you, if you if you are in a toxic situation, you have to get out 10s of 1000s of people, I've asked this other question, too, how long did it take you to recover? And did you leave too soon, not one person has ever said they'd love to soon. They didn't leave soon enough. Carley Hauck  15:58   Thank you for sharing that. And I do believe that some of these conscious leadership qualities that we're going to talk about will actually one really help us to know our value to know our worth, and be able to manage ourselves more quickly, so that we can manage up. But I agree with you. And also would love to just talk about the deeper aspect of why these folks are showing up in the way that they are. We all have trauma, you know, individually, collectively, intergenerationally. And there are folks that are not doing their inner work, have not done their inner work. And frankly, the workplace has not always and mostly has not invested in learning or leadership development. That is why Leadership Development Manager effectiveness is thankfully the number one priority for HR right now. Because that's the only way we're going to be able to create a future of work that actually works for people. And hallelujah, for the younger generations that are really speaking up, they're more socially engaged, they're saying no, and they are the bulk of the workforce. So we have to change, because otherwise no one's going to come to work. Mary Abbajay  17:22   We do have to change, you know, the challenge will be with this change is that will HR be empowered to actually make a difference? I fear that some of this will go by the wayside, like D Ay ay ay is going a little bit by the wayside. Because at the end of the day, a lot of private sector organizations and nonprofit organizations always put their bottom line value on how much money is this organization making. And so I think one that challenges for HR when the opportunities is for them to show the bottom line, cash money value of actually investing in good leadership and good management, and employee health and an employee engagement. And it might take a newer generation of the C suite executives to actually place that value, right to actually be open to looking at that value. Because at the end of the day, for a lot of corporations, Money talks, and employee health walks us. So I really do, I really am I'm very hopeful. And a little cautious around this, I just hope that we can get the C suite to see the actual money value of being a good leader. Because you know, you see all these toxic leaders are all these bad leaders. They're just all these unhappy, low employee, low engagement places, and they still don't do anything about it. So we've got a kind of a new breed of C suites, they actually appreciate this, I think, Carley Hauck  18:49   well, and that's where really investing in leadership development to invest in how to be a co leadership Mary Abbajay  18:55   development only works if the top tier leadership places a value on it. Right? So I'm the you and I are both trainers, right? So we go in and we teach all the great skills, how to be, you know, a great leader, a great manager. And if they aren't rewarded for that, that doesn't happen, right? So their top leaders don't actually invest in making sure and holding those managers accountable for being good people, managers, the managers don't have any incentive. You take an organization, I think it's Deloitte or Accenture, I was getting confused. They got very serious about making sure their managers were more people centric. And so the managers part of their performance review is are you having? I think they have to do like monthly check ins with their people, are you and they're actually grading the managers on the success of their people in terms of their people's happiness and their engagement levels. And that seems to be working. So I think if we're going to do the leadership development, that's the carrot but you also need the reward? Carley Hauck  20:01   Well, I I agree with you. And, you know, going back to what you were sharing, there is more retention, there is more internal mobility, you know, there is more employee well being and people do want to stay when there are strong conscious leaders of the home. Yes, but But going back to leadership development, I started off with my path as a therapist, so I worked a lot with traumatized populations. And so I feel trauma informed on you know, the signs to look for. But we need to be assessing like, who has trauma and who doesn't, and who is doing the inner work, so that that's not being repeated, and they're now traumatizing other people. So I, I don't know if the workplace is ready for that. But like, that's the other piece we have to solve. We have to actually equip trainers, coaches, HR on being informed about trauma, and then and then solutions for healing. Yeah, that's just that's another piece that I see. So we are talking a bit about, you know, leadership manager, effectiveness being the number one priority in HR. And I wanted to talk a little bit about this conscious leadership framework, because I think it complements really well, some of the pieces in your book, and your research. So I distilled that there were nine different leadership competencies, that all worked in tandem, and actually on a continuum. And every person has different ranges of use, but when they're all actually dialed in, at the same time, we end up leading from our best selves, we can empower and lead our teams, we can increase trust, psychological safety, inclusion, innovation, without burning our folks out or further traumatizing them. And so I always like to kind of put myself you know, in the ring and ask my, my guests as well, where they think they are falling on some of these dimensions. So there, there are nine, which is self awareness, self management, empathy, resilience, which is a growth mindset, humility, self belonging, which is really including the dimensions of self love, self compassion, self forgiveness, self acceptance, and then physical, and psychological well being. And so not to put you too much on the spot, Mary, but I feel curious, what are one or two areas that you feel like as a leader, you're really prioritizing you, you're leading from this place, so you can lead others in a more conscious way? Mary Abbajay  22:55   I think for me, I think there's four that I think there's four, I don't know that I prioritize them. But there's four that I think are, are very prevalent in my day to day in my life, and one is self management. I am I'm constantly trying to self manage myself, I try to think about how do I need to say this was my impact for your listeners to know I'm actually like, I'm talking really slow right now. And it's really hard for me, like so like really trying to like in, you know, I'm a very direct, fast paced, you know, I'm a high strung type a person, so I'm always trying to manage that. So self management is a very big priority for me. My empathy is pretty strong. My husband says, It's my Libra moon, and my rising Gemini. I know, that's silly. My husband's on to the horoscope. But I do and I think empathy is really great. I think sometimes empathy gets in the way for me making tough decisions. But there's something that I don't want to lose resilience and a growth mindset are things I really try to prioritize, you cannot be as you know, a business owner, and not have to not cultivate resiliency, and a growth mindset. Because the minute you think that you you're all that in a bag of chips, you're gonna get smacked down. And the minute you think your business is all going good, you're gonna lose a big client. And the minute you think, you know, everything and you start, you stop being a learner, you're gonna lose it. And then humility, I think, I think I tend to be a very humble person. And I think humility is really important. Maybe it verges on the, on the side of self deprecation, which isn't necessarily so good. But yeah, so those are the four that I think are most prevalent in my life. Carley Hauck  24:35   Thank you. Yeah. Thank you self management, of resilience. And then I heard in humility, being humility. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Mary Abbajay  24:46   I can reach my husband says, that means I let my team walk all over me. He's like, You need to just you just need to lay down the lawn like Oh, but they're really busy. I'll just take on this piece of work for them. Carley Hauck  24:57   So when you talk about self management? What are your tips for self managing? I heard you say that you're trying to talk slowly. Why are you trying to do that right now in this moment, Mary Abbajay  25:10   because I lose the idea myself on my podcast and other people's podcasts or on, you know, video of me and I am talking way too fast. So I'm trying to slow it down so that people can hear me and understand. And plus, sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain. That's not always a great thing. But yeah, so when I say self management, I, you know, I'm fairly aware of my, of my tendencies that are not going to have positive impact on people. So I do set an intention around a handful of my less than lovely qualities to try to make them more palatable to other people. I'm a big believer in the platinum rule, you know, really find out to treat others as they want to be treated. And so self managing myself around people who operate differently than me, is something I really work on. I work hard on trying to do. Carley Hauck  26:04   Hmm, thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it. You know, where do you think some of the more unconscious leaders? Where do you think they might be lower Mary Abbajay  26:17   self awareness completely, is completely with self awareness, and then self management. So you know, I think, first of all, let's be honest, human beings are as are not very self aware, we like to think we're self aware. But we are not, I think it's Adam Grant that talks a lot about the lack of our self awareness. And not only are we not really self aware about what's driving us, we really lack awareness, and concern, I think about how our actions, our words, or deeds, and our behaviors are impacting other people. I really liked Tasha, Europe's work on this, in your book insight, where she did, she does a lot of work with C suite executives. And she found like 95% of them think that they're highly, highly self aware, and that she did some research on that by interviewing their teams. And something like only 15 15% of them actually were self aware. So I think that I think self awareness, especially around your impact on others, how other people experience you is very, very low in leaders. And I think it gets worse, as leaders go up the chain of command, because as you go up the chain of command, first of all, people stop giving you feedback, right? They stop telling you the truth about who you are. And I think quite frankly, people start believing their own shit, I'm sorry, that's French, for married, people start believing their own stuff, like I'm so good, I'm this, I'm this important. I'm so smart. I'm up here in the C suite. And I think that people really lose a lot of their self awareness. And if you don't have self awareness, you're not gonna be able to do self management. And the other thing I think that happens in leadership, is, as you were pointing out, we don't necessarily do a great job in America, of actually developing our leaders or managers before they become leaders or managers. Harvard did a study on this a few years back, and they found most managers get their first taste of being a supervisor or a manager in their late 20s, or early 30s. But they don't get significant training on that until their late 30s, early 40s. So for 10 years, they're just kind of making it up, right. And if they're trying to make it up based on a culture that has poor management examples, or poor leadership examples, then they're not going to get any self awareness, therefore, they're not going to get the self management about how the impact of their management style is working or not working. Carley Hauck  28:36   Agreed. And, you know, most people leaders have been advanced for their technical skills, not because of their people skills. That's exactly right. And they're still calling people skills, soft skills. But if we can't manage or empower our people, we're not going to be able to get the deliverables or the business objectives done. Like it's just not going to happen. Mary Abbajay  29:00   I know. And the other thing that I see Carly is that there's a lot of people that are managers, or leaders, they don't really want to manage the people, right? And so it's if you want to be a good people manager, if you're only taking that job to make more money or advance your career, which I understand, but if you don't want the people part of the job, then where's the incentive for you to become self aware, right, or to be have self manage or even to have the the humility or the empathy or the resilience from other people management? Carley Hauck  29:31   So hearing that most people are not very self aware, one of the things that I know that I do, and that I would hope to encourage in more learning and leadership development programs, and I don't do it all the time, but I try to, is to check in on. So what's your reaction to what I just said? Like what was the impact of that? Yeah, and yeah, that takes it down a notch and it does take more time. But how was My Message received? Because if we don't ask, then people are likely not always going to tell us, you and I are more direct. So we will probably tell people in a kind, indirect way, but most people don't feel safe. They don't either feel safe in themselves, or they don't have the courage to say it out loud. Because that that also has not been something that has been very promoted in our culture is Mary Abbajay  30:27   I think you're right. And I think you have bosses like telling me the truth, I want to hear it. But you know, they don't, because their past behavior has shown you that they don't. So I think that's always a very interesting thing. You know, and I think, you know, when you're talking about managing up, you know, I think self awareness and self management is really key for managing up. And so I often tell people, you know, if you really want to understand your impact on people, the best way to do that, and you can do the 360. But it's really to reach out to like, 10 of your colleagues and say, What five adjectives would you use to describe me? What like, what do people say about me when I'm not in the room? You know, what skills or talents Am I known for, and asking the people that will be honest with you, and then being really open to hearing that. So I think that if we can start developing our self awareness of how we as humans, impact other human beings, early on in our career, I think that really helps us develop that openness to feedback, the openness to take a look at ourselves as we move up into the food chain. This is also why I actually do whenever I do like those personality, things like the disc or predictive index, or Myers Briggs, I really liked those in the sense of, if it can open up people's minds as to understanding the difference between their intention and their impact. I think we can go a long way, just knowing that as you know, an introvert, just because I'm not talking doesn't mean I don't care about you, or you know, as a ad on the desk, just because I'm very direct with you. It doesn't mean I don't care about you. So I think the more we can understand how the how our behaviors may be misinterpreted by other people, I think that can help develop more self awareness. Carley Hauck  32:16   Hmm, loving all this input. Thank you. Yeah. The next area that I wanted to go into, and I love that you said, you know, self awareness, self management are the pieces that you think are really low. And these unconscious leaders, I would also say empathy, and humility, which were two of your strengths, I think they tend to be more of my strengths as well, you know, if you can admit that you're, you got it wrong, you made a mistake. If you can't actually emphasize that empathize with what's actually happening for the other person, then again, you're not going to be able to be a very conscious caring leader. Mary Abbajay  32:53   I agree. I just got a call from a law firm that wants me to help them teach their mid mid career associates how to give feedback, they said it, can you also teach them how to be more empathetic? Yes, I will try. But things like empathy, like that's a hard thing to teach. Right, Carly? I mean, you can explain it, you can demonstrate it, you can coach them. But that is kind of at some point, don't you think that empathy is a choice like that you must in some way choose to look at something from someone else else's perspective. At some point, you have to choose to whether or not you want to appreciate their experience or their so I'm curious to hear from you. Like, how do you teach empathy? Carley Hauck  33:40   Great question. Well, in chapter two of my book, which is the inner game of emotional intelligence, I talk about, you have the inner game, which is the self awareness and self management, and then you have the outer game. So when those are cultivated, then you're able to have more social awareness, which is oh, what might be happening for this person. And then number four is the relationship mastery. So those are actually the four facets of Dan Goleman emotional intelligence, however, like they really pertain to the inner cultivation, and then what shows up on the outside, but what, what I would say is, as far as helping people build empathy is that it's really helpful if you have them think about someone that they care about. So just imagine that this person is going through this right now. Like it could be their sister, it could be their daughter, it could be their mother. And once you bring it into somebody in their sphere and circle that they care about, it's much easier for them to then have empathy even for the difficult person. But you I would say start with someone they like first or you know, to build that empathy muscle and then you can start to expand it out even to have empathy for the difficult person because ultimately, it's that difficult person is just hurting, they're wounded, they've had trauma, right? They're not either so conscious of it, or they are conscious of it. But they're still a messy human. And so I can have compassion for their wounding, for their hurting, and also hold really strong boundaries around how I'm going to be put in the line of fire, and also call on allies. You know, this is one thing about managing those more toxic leaders in the eye 100% agree with you, you have to get out this is going in a different direction. But I had wanted to say this earlier, I had just forgotten, I think it's super important that we also find our allies, you know, in the workplace, that are practicing the same kinds of leadership skills, because who we surround ourselves with, is actually going to influence us the most. And if we can have a buffer of people that are validating our experience, that are also able to say, Hey, I had that experience with this person, too, then HR would feel more empowered to do something, right. It's called activating Mary Abbajay  36:10   your support network. That's how I refer to, but you know, but HR is only empowered as much as they're empowered. So we have to be really clear, I don't want to give people false hope, if you go to HR, your problems can be solved. It really depends on how much power HR has and who the toxic person is. Because there's also the whole whistleblower thing, like I could tell you horror stories about people that have went gone to HR and just made things worse for them. So it's really you gotta know, before, before anyone goes to HR, you really need to check out how well your HR has handled situations like this in the past, right? So ask around a little bit. But you know, it's funny, we're talking about empathy around like that. I teach that all the time, when I'm telling people to manage up as well, like, exactly like this person, this boss was a micromanager or this boss that's doing this are annoying you, you know, think for a minute, what's going on for them, right? Or think for a minute, I often do this make for men, the last time that you micromanage somebody, or the last time that you did behavior that you weren't proud of, you know, and that that can help kind of get people out of the amygdala hijack. Because what happens when we're dealing with difficult people, we get very frustrated, very fight or flight, you know, and so you got to get out of that in order to be able to make good choices. Carley Hauck  37:27   Definitely. Well, let's go into an example of a difficult manager and how we might manage ourselves and then manage up. And I also just want to share as I was reading through your book, and there's there's so many different manager types. I could relate more strongly to a few of them. And I'm bringing this up because in the chapter where we talk about the seagulls, which is the oh, goodness, sorry, the the nitpickers in the seagulls. Yeah, as I was, as I was actually reading through the nitpicker, because that comes first and then we go on to the seagulls. I love to the distinction that you put in is that the nitpickers are really about perfection versus the micromanagers are about control. But I'm springing this up because I could see how my team at times has thought of me as a nitpicker. Oh, sure. Because I have a high bar for excellence. Mary Abbajay  38:30   You know, the thing is, we've all done all these behaviors. We've all done them. All right, if you've worked long enough, but we don't judge ourselves as these things right? The circumstances, you know, so yeah, so the nitpicker so micro managers are about control. You're right. So most micro managers tend to be nitpickers. But not all nitpickers are micro managers. Because a nitpicker is the person that's going to nitpick small things for perfection. They may be important things or they might be minor things, you know, but they're probably gonna let you do your your gig your stuff, and then they're gonna swoop in afterwards and nitpick so I can be a nitpicker to my team will tell you that I nitpick their slideshows. That thought Saglie I don't like that graphic. I don't nitpick the content, which is the important thing, right? I have a certain visual I want. So yeah, understood. So if you have a nitpicky boss, it's really important to find out like what they care about, like, you know, like, is it the font? Is it the format? Is it the color? Is it the use of the Oxford comma or no Oxford comma, you know, so don't resist what the nitpicker was, and choose your battles wisely. You know, if you're just and be prepared for it. So if you know that your boss is going to nitpick something, then give them a draft an early draft and let them nitpick the early draft. Find out ask them questions ahead of time is the particular font you want is Is there a format you prefer? You know, what kind of graphics marry do you think would be great for this slideshow? That sort of thing? So find out, I was working with this law firm and this, we're doing a Managing Up course in this first year associate, you know, they have no power, first year associate comes up to me and says, Mary, I need your help. The Managing Partner won't use the extra comma. How can I give him that feedback that he's wrong? It's like, you know what you don't. If he doesn't want to use the extra comma, that's not a battle that that's not a hill, you want to die on your first year. So you have to pick your battles wisely. When it comes to the debt with nitpicker, and then ask questions like find out, you know, so Carly, why do you like things this way? Tell me about your preference for this. Because the more you can learn about what your boss cares about, the more you can figure out how to make things are more in alignment. Now, of course, we're not talking about things that are unethical, or things that are bad or wrong. We're talking about nitpicky things. Carley Hauck  41:04   Well, what I tell my team too, is like, if you're not clear on what I am actually asking for, then don't just do it and get it wrong. Because then I'm gonna go and tell you, you need to redo it. Like if there's even an wrinkle of I don't know if this is right, just text me call me asked me. Let's have a conversation. Because otherwise, it's annoying for you. And for me. Yeah. So, but that one, I just happen to bring it up because it's such a good one. And I bet everybody can relate to that one. But it's in the same chapter. Let's go into this. Because there's two kinds because there's Mary Abbajay  41:40   two kinds. Yeah, there's all seagulls swoop, people all seagulls swoop, you have a sweeper and a pooper and a super, and a scooper. So the swooper and pooper swoops in our project has been hands off, they swoop in, and they poop all over it. Like they just are like, this is awful. This is awful. Damn, why were you guys doing it, I know what you're doing. And they just, you know, Crusher ready. And then they swoop right back out, leaving like doctress of like bad feelings and, you know, crushed hearts and souls. So that's the Super and pooper, then you have the swooper and scooper. And this is the boss that you know, assigns you a project, and then all of a sudden they swoop in and they take the project away for two for their own, they take it away, and they put their name on it. And you've worked hard on it. And suddenly it's away from you, and you are really bummed out. So those are the two different kinds of seagulls. Carley Hauck  42:34   I really appreciate that. So I had this idea that perhaps, you know, we could roleplay this. So let's say that I have a boss that is a super. And I was working really hard on Unknown Speaker  42:45   pooper scooper. Carley Hauck  42:47   As a scooper. Unknown Speaker  42:49   He's super super. Carley Hauck  42:50   Yeah, thank you. So the seagull have a boss us swoops in, and scoops in. And it's a project I've been working really hard on, I'm presenting it to senior stakeholders. And then all of a sudden, they act like it's theirs, they take credit for it. Yeah, as I think about that, I would get triggered. That would be something that I really have to spend a little more time self managing myself my reaction to not take it personally. Yeah, to understand my motive or their motivations. And then therefore to advocate for myself, how would you coach me to manage up in that scenario, especially with senior stakeholders? Mary Abbajay  43:42   Yeah, so there's a couple of things with the you know, with the CIO, there's the scooper, that's gonna steal the credit. And then there's just a scoop of this gonna take over the project. I mean, they're kind of similar, but they're a little bit different. Like, they might actually take over the project and still give you some credit as they finish it. So the first thing I would say to you is, you know, is this a pattern? Like, is this a pattern that this boss does frequently? Or infrequently, they would ask you to kind of look for the patterns, like, as there are certain types of projects that they swoop and scoop on? Are there certain, like what's going on in the culture that makes them like this project suddenly has probably gotten to be high visibility, right? So I asked you about the pattern, so that you can anticipate it. The other thing I'd say is, you know, are you keeping this person in the loop on this, like, Did this person Scoop it because they didn't know how, where it was? Or are they scooping it because they didn't know where it was? And they want to take the credit for it. So then I would want to ask you around like, what, and part of this would also rely on what kind of a boss this person is. Could you have a conversation with this boss about this? Could you go in and say, you know, Hey, boss, I was really disappointed that not gonna be able to work on XYZ project or, you know, I'd really like to get some feedback on my piece of the project. Was my performance not satisfactory, just curious as to, you know what it was? Why, why I'm no longer working out, I tried to avoid saying why you took it away from me. But find a nice way to do that. No, Carley Hauck  45:20   I think leading with curiosity, when you're not in a triggered place is really great. Like, Oh, I wonder why did why did that end up being put on your calendar and not mine anymore? sense it in that way? And Mary Abbajay  45:36   that's something really important when you're not in a triggered state. Carley Hauck  45:40   Yes. Yes, I have a whole framework on triggers, which I'll actually leave in the show notes, because I have to practice it all the time. Yeah. And I think in order to manage up, we have to manage ourselves. Yep. Mary Abbajay  45:54   And then the last thing I'll say about the scooper is, you know, even you know, anticipate this for the next time that they're going to scoop it. But sometimes, if you keep them in the loop, and you see see other people, especially other people that this project is impacting, it's gonna be a lot harder for them to steal the credit if other people know you're working at it. And the last thing I'll say about this is, of course, then you can also when it's all done, you can also go back in and say, I would love to know how that project turned out. How are my pieces, so you can like, get some feedback and like, post thing. And then lastly, and I can't live, we're gonna suggest this, I might deny it. You know, this is what the gossip mill is for. And I don't mean bad mouthing your boss, but make it known, make sure people know, your contribution to this project. You know, like, if you ever run into his boss, and in the elevator or her his or their boss and elevator, and they say what you've been working on, you can say, you know, what, I was really lucky enough to work on that pesky project that my boss handed in, it was really exciting. And I really liked the opportunity to support that project. Don't take all the credit. But you can also do some backdoor self promotion on that. Carley Hauck  47:02   I love that. So holding people accountable by you know, really having all the stakeholders in the same email thread, transparency, and then also just speaking aloud your contribution with other folks and other stakeholders. I think that's, that's really great. Mary Abbajay  47:19   And then finally, you know, if your boss does this a lot and steals credit a lot. Then you may not be he she or they may not be the right boss for you. Because occasionally, you know, because some bosses say, you work for me, your ideas are my ideas. Right. So that's kind of the old school bossiness. You know, the 20 century boss. And if that's not your thing, and I don't blame you, it's not my thing, either, then you, you, maybe you need to find a different boss. Because if you're not getting what you need, as professional as a human being, if you're not being valued, if they don't find you valuable, and your ideas, then there's no shame in quitting like, find something was find a place where people do value you and they do find you valuable, and you get what you need, emotionally, psychologically, intellectually and fulfilling in your career. So you have a scooper and it drives you crazy. Get a new boss, get new jobs. Yeah, those are all really give yourself permission to quit. Uh huh. Carley Hauck  48:19   Yeah. So I've got two last questions for you. Okay. A lot of people are, you know, looking for new roles and new jobs they're interviewing, I am in that boat right now, I'm just going to put myself in the ring interviewing, you know, new potential supervisors for my for my new internal role. What are some things that I can be assessing to figure out? Who is this person, like, what kind of a boss are they going to be? And what's difficult about this, Mary, is that I will have one conversation with this person to be able to say, I'm the right candidate for you. And we may have a half hour, we may have 45 minutes. So ultimately, I'd love to be able to have further conversations, because I'm interviewing them as much as they're interviewing me. And I'm putting myself, you know, in this in the eye position, but I really want this to be in service of everybody that's thinking about this. Mary Abbajay  49:12   Yeah. You know, this is a hard one, I'm much better at telling you what to ask once you get in. But here's what I'm gonna say it for this. First of all, if you're going in person, right, if you're going into a physical office to interview with that person face to face, which I think happens still occasionally, mostly virtual days. But if you do get to go visit, physically, trust your gut, like trust the vibe you feel in the office, because Aska not only tell you a lot, it's gonna tell you a lot about the culture. What do people look like? Are people smiling? Did it look happy? They look stressed. So that sort of thing. So trust and trust, like the vibe you get from someone physically, also trust whatever vibe you can get virtually, although it's a little bit harder. I would ask questions like, you know, tell me about your best employee who's really successful here. What are you doing? Just priorities for your team. So I'd ask things like that. I would say, you know, what drives you crazy about about? I said, what drives you crazy about your employees? Or what are your biggest pet peeves? And you can learn a lot about from people ask about their pet peeves. I would also ask them, What do you like best about being a manager? Hmm, Carley Hauck  50:20   that's a great question. Mary Abbajay  50:22   What do you like best about being a manager? It's hard, because the really the really toxic bosses are just going to be lying. But I would say tell me about your greatest. Tell me. Tell me about if you want to find out about their work life balance, you know, tell me about how you encourage work life balance or? Or how or how do Carley Hauck  50:41   you set boundaries? Yeah. Between work things like Mary Abbajay  50:45   that are really great. Right? What what questions have you been asking? Carley Hauck  50:51   Well, I have been asking great question, some questions when I have an opportunity, because sometimes they don't leave you any room to ask a question. So then I follow up with questions. But I'm always asking them, you know, what is the what is the personality style that's going to be most complimentary with you. And the team is great. And then I also ask, you know, what does success look like in this role in the first three months, in the first six months, in in the first year, because then I know if I'm going to either flop on my face, or if this is going to be a place, I can really bring my best value, and create success, which is what I want, which is what they want, which is Mary Abbajay  51:32   what they want. You know, the other thing you can do, the other thing you can do is you can you can say, Hey, would it be possible for me to talk to another team member? To learn about that? Or do you want to be a little more devious, I don't think is devious. Because you know, you're about to commit, maybe commit to these people. You could literally reach out to somebody Carley Hauck  51:51   done that with other people in the company. What's the culture? Like? Who you Yeah, Mary Abbajay  51:56   what do people say about this boss and things like that? I think that is totally fair game. If you don't know anybody at the company. That's what LinkedIn, that's what LinkedIn is for. cyber stalking. But I think the more I think, you know, I so when I interview for people, people, I actually, I really insist that they talk to my team first. And, and I, my team knows that they, they are really clear about who I am. And they're really honest with with with the people, and then they will come to me and say, Yeah, this person is not for you, or you're gonna love this person. And they're gonna love you. So I really like it when you went hiring bosses, let the team talk to the people too. Carley Hauck  52:39   Well, and then pretty much all the feedback you gave would also the things that you could be assessing in the first 90 days, but also just having more direct conversations with this person, you know, to see, okay, there's going to be certain things that aren't going to work well. But how can I adapt? Right? And and how can how can we have this be a win win for both of us? Mary Abbajay  53:00   That's exactly right. That's exactly right. You because yeah, and hopefully, and by the way, if anyone's looking for work life balance, and you say, you know, what's the culture here, and the boss, the hiring person says to you, oh, we work hard, and we play hard. That's a high work culture. Carley Hauck  53:20   Well, and the other part of your book, which I think is really helpful, too, is that you're able to assess your strengths and your weaknesses, and also what kind of boss you're going to vibe with and best. And so again, this comes back to self awareness, like, you know, own own your, your parts, and then find the right fit for you. Because not everyone is going to be the right fit. Mary Abbajay  53:47   You bless your heart, you are 1%, right, you know, what we tend to do is we all tend to like the way we operate. So when people operate differently than us, then we tend to get really frustrated and make them you know, make us the victim and make them the perpetrator. And the truth is, there are some people like my favorite boss might be your worst nightmare. You know, your favorite boss might be someone else's worst nightmare. And so really be able to own your own piece of the puzzle is really important to be honest with yourself about what what kind of person you are and what kind of person you're going to work well with. And what you might need to do more of less of or differently in order to work well with the boss that you've decided to work for. Carley Hauck  54:25   For sure. And that comes back to the self management, right is owning your reaction to whatever's happening, because because you're the only person that can change that reaction. Mary Abbajay  54:38   Yeah, because we only have control over ourselves. We don't control anybody else. But I do have some questions that you can ask once you start, okay. By the way, if anybody wants these questions, they can just email me because you're gonna put that in the show notes or something reach out to me or find me on LinkedIn. Yes, Carley Hauck  54:53   your LinkedIn will be in the show notes and your website. Mary Abbajay  54:57   And these are really basic questions, but I'm telling you Guys, they work so much. And managers love it. They always know they should be having these with you. But if they don't things simple things like What's your preferred mode of communication? Yeah. How do you like to be approached regarding an issue or challenge or a problem? How often do you like to meet as a team or one on one? Is the question you did before? What does success look like to you defined top performer? How often do you like to be updated? And projects? How do you like your updates? Like I like updates, but I want to be kept in the loop not in the soup. So I have a couple of people on my team that are really detail oriented, and my eyes glaze over. isn't done? That's to my mind. If you had a perfect team member, what would that person look like? What are your top priorities? What the biggest pressure is on you or the team right now? How can I best support you? What do you find annoying about working with others? And then always say, What can I do more of less of a definitely to work well with you? And what else do I need to know about working well with you always say what else and just have this conversation 15 minute conversation, I call it the preferences, priorities and pet peeves. This way, you're going to cover not only their work style, but like what's important to them, what they care about how they like to work, and it's going to be a good conversation. And I will also say this, as Carly and I were saying not everybody's very self aware, take their answers, but also measure them against how that you actually see them behaving. Like what they say, I'm very communicative. I love pop in meetings, and you know that they don't you see the behavior, the doubt. So take what they say, but don't treat it as gospel to actually see that behavior. Carley Hauck  56:44   I love all of those. And being that, you know, I bring a lot of coaching into the work that I'm doing. I've brought in actually a lot of those questions to support leaders, you know, to have conversations with their direct reports and with their supervisors. But then after you get those answers, what I think is even a really good next step is that one, you're writing it down, you repeat back what you heard them, say, so that it's actually correct. And then you create an agreement. So I hear you want me to do this, this and this. And then you say, well, on my side, I'd really love and you request which you need, and then you create an agreement, and you're probably going to make some oops, so then what's your accountability to come back to the agreement that you just had, you know, and this is where psychological safety and trust is built. But this, these types of questions, I think are essential in your one on ones, but also in the team. There's so many teams, senior leadership teams that I get asked to come in, and they haven't done any of them. They don't know how your team wants to work. So how are you even? How are you delivering on projects, y'all? Mary Abbajay  57:56   You know, I love that because I think I think, you know, this is a partnership like employee and leaders partnership. And I love that you are helping the leaders ask these questions downward as I'm helping the employees ask them upwards, because it is a conversation that both should have. And I always say to my folks, you know, hopefully once you ask your boss these questions, they'll turn around and ask you the same questions and listen to them. And it's always makes me sad when someone emails me back and says, You know what, I had this great conversation with my boss, I asked this person all these questions, but they didn't ask me a single one. I was like, wow, that's sad. That's a missed opportunity from that boss, Carley Hauck  58:35   for sure. But this is how we change it. Right? This is this is when everyone's talking about human centered people first. Yeah, you start with connection, Unknown Speaker  58:44   you start with the people. Carley Hauck  58:48   How to Care for this person? Who is this person? How are we going to collaborate? Well, Mary, this was amazing. Thank you. Again, I just love this conversation. And again, everyone, this book is fabulous. And I love all those questions. So you so is there anything else you want to leave folks with? Mary Abbajay  59:07   I just want to say you know your work, you spend so many of your waking hours at work. I truly believe those should be great hours, there should be hours where you can use your mind, your heart, your creativity, your passion, they should be hours that that you that you find valuable and that add to your life, not detract your life. So if you have a bad boss, or you're in a bad workplace experience, do what you can to get a better workplace experience. You deserve it. You deserve it. You only live once and your work should be a bonus to that and nine detractor for your life. So good luck. Thank you, Carly. This was so awesome and get Carly's book people and leader stop being jerks out there. I have I have a presentation that call that's called your team hates you and here's why. Carley Hauck  59:54   Oh wow. Mary Abbajay  59:57   Your direct boss is not being jerks and start Reading current Carly's book. Carley Hauck  1:00:03   Yeah. Be the the leader that others will never want to leave and want to follow. Right? That's right. That's the opportunity right now. Thank you, Mary. Thanks, Carly. Let me summarize some of the key points of the interview before we go and give you some action steps you can put into place today. First, manage yourself. Before we can manage up down or laterally, we have to be able to know what is happening inside our bodies, when to speak and when to be quiet. We want to be the calm in the midst of the storm. And there is emotional contagion, whether you're working from zoom, or you're actually in person, people can feel and sense where you might be in your body. And so navigating your triggers, you'll find a free meditation in the show notes that you can utilize. There's also lots of wonderful practices in my book, on how to be a conscious leader. And there is a very effective framework on navigating triggers. In fact, this topic is one of the most highly sought out team building sessions that I offer with senior leaders. And additionally, the nine leadership capabilities that Mary and I spoke about before, which is this validated framework that I've developed in the last decade. self management is key to that competency. There is also a team building workshop that I am doing in partnership with Team Rothery. And this is also in the show notes. And it's called from trigger to triumph. So if you're interested in that, you can book that with your team. I do that with a lot of teams. Second, manage down, up and laterally. With Remote distributed workforce, we need to begin to have conversations that invite people to share what their preferences for communication are, when they might actually work best during the day, which could be really different. It might be that they take a longer break at lunch, because they want to go exercise and they were up really early hour they've got child care. Find out with your team and your supervisor, how people work best, what is going to actually help them collaborate, communicate with you the best. Third, invest in learning and leadership development for everyone at the company. This is one of the best ways that you can create a whole healthy organizational culture. And we know that culture eats strategy for breakfast. In the conscious leadership programs that I have designed and developed for some really amazing companies, I have validated metrics to showcase that empathy goes up 74%. That's one of the most sought after leadership competencies in our workplace right now. Psych psychological safety goes up by 47% internal mobility engagement goes up by 20 to 30%. And I have many more incredible results that I could share with you. If you're interested in having me partner with you. For an internal director above learning leadership and culture role I am interviewing now for the right boss, team and company to join. I am so excited about this opportunity to serve a thriving organizational culture, please feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn. Number four, if you are in a truly toxic environment with a harmful and unconscious boss, definitely check out Mary's book, there's a lot of really wonderful ways to manage up, and also resources. I also recorded a podcast on this topic a few years ago. And if you go to the shownotes, you'll see it's how to coach a harmful and unconscious leader. There are tips and strategies and as Mary and I spoke about can't change the person. So you do need to leave but before you leave, find your allies. And if it feels safe to do so speak up so that this behavior and this person can be held accountable and so that the hurt and harm doesn't continue. And also so that this person gets help and they get actually taken out of their people leader role. This person is not equipped to lead people. They would be better served to just navigate with technology, or potentially take some time off to do some deep for healing. And the last thing I'd like to preface is that we all are navigating individual, collective and intergenerational trauma. And it's really important as we come together and really create what can be a healing organization that we are trauma informed, and especially in the people function of HR talent, and the chief people officer, we need to know what the signs of trauma are, and also where to give people resources and help. Please reach out to me to have a conversation on this. There's a lot of resources that I have on this topic and other really great people to connect to you to. Again, Mary is amazing. Mary, thank you so much for your service and your leadership. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends, family, or colleagues. We're all in this together and sharing is caring. If you have any questions, comments or topics you would like me to address on the podcast, please email me at support at Carley hauck.com And finally, thank you for tuning in and being part of this community. We have several wonderful future shine podcast episodes, so make sure you don't miss any and until we meet again, be the light and shine your light  

Welcome to the StreetSmart Wisdom Podcast! In this episode, we dive into the fascinating world of emotional intelligence with the renowned author and researcher, Daniel Goleman. With over 25 years of dedicated research under his belt, Goleman provides insight into the power and impact of emotional intelligence in our personal and professional lives.   In their conversation, host Steve Stein delves into the history of emotional intelligence, from its inception as a concept to its growth into a movement. Goleman shares his journey of discovering the importance of emotional intelligence, influenced by his observations of highly intelligent individuals who lacked interpersonal skills. He also discusses the surprising findings and developments that emerged from his extensive research, including the identification of competencies and the role of the amygdala in emotional responses.   If you're curious about how emotional intelligence can optimize your inner state and enhance productivity, relationships, and overall well-being, this episode is a must-listen. Join us as we explore the wisdom of emotional intelligence and its profound impact on our lives.   [00:01:51] Book called Optimal argues emotional intelligence matters. [00:05:45] High IQ doesn't guarantee emotional intelligence. [00:06:36] Harvard article on leadership sparked emotional intelligence movement. [00:12:00] Breathing technique and mindfulness shift metabolism. [00:13:50] Smart people lack emotional intelligence; self-awareness is key. Mindfulness helps manage emotions in the moment. Workshop on dealing with triggers and recovering. Book on healing emotional patterns is recommended. [00:17:53] Emotional intelligence is vital for success in work and personal relationships. [00:20:45] Surprising school shooting led to emotional intelligence programs. [00:23:15] Team player teams benefit from emotional intelligence. Norms are established to guide behavior. At Ideo, breaking norms results in stuffed toy pelting.   Connect with us: Steve Stein Facebook: https://bit.ly/FBpageWF Instagram: https://bit.ly/RealWisdomFeed WisdomFeed Website: https://bit.ly/WisdomFeedHome BetterListen Website: https://bit.ly/BetterListenWebsite Free Resources: https://bit.ly/FreeResourcesFromWisdomFeed    Daniel Goleman Website: https://www.danielgoleman.info/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/DanielGolemanEI Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielgoleman/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniel_goleman_/ Podcast Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/first-person-plural-ei-beyond/id1538498597 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/74GsVXnZJokajP5blgnk37

Welcome to the StreetSmart Wisdom Podcast! In today's episode, we have a special guest - Daniel Goleman, the OG (Original Goldman) of his field. We delve into his wisdom profile, exploring his background, career, and the driving forces behind his work.   Daniel takes us back to his humble beginnings in Stockton, California, sharing stories of his ideal childhood in a town that has unfortunately seen better days. From there, he takes us on a journey through his education, starting with his surprise acceptance into Amherst College and eventually pursuing a graduate degree at Harvard.   As a writer for The New York Times and Psychology Today, Daniel explains how his passion for writing and translating complex topics for a wide audience led him to these esteemed publications. We learn about his unique ability to cover psychology in a way that appealed to millions of readers, while still pleasing the experts in the field.   But what drives Daniel's work? He reveals that his guiding principle is to make the world a better place. He sees emotional intelligence as a powerful tool for creating kinder and more effective workplaces, as well as fostering personal growth in individuals. His mission aligns with his mother's advice to always leave a positive impact on the world.   Throughout his career, Daniel has made some bold bets on topics like meditation and ecological intelligence. He shares how his pioneering work on meditation and stress reactivity paid off, challenging conventional wisdom and paving the way for greater acceptance and understanding.   Join us in this thought-provoking episode as we dive deep into Daniel Goleman's wisdom profile, uncovering the driving forces behind his work and exploring the impact he has made in his field and in the world.   [00:03:13] Graduated Harvard, intrigued by meditation, joined magazines. [00:04:37] Different writing experience for Psychology Today, therapist's advertising. [00:08:23] "Books on meditation and ecological intelligence." [00:12:31] Appreciation for viewers, ending with special moments.   Connect with us: Facebook: https://bit.ly/FBpageWF Instagram: https://bit.ly/RealWisdomFeed WisdomFeed Website: https://bit.ly/WisdomFeedHome BetterListen Website: https://bit.ly/BetterListenWebsite Free Resources: https://bit.ly/FreeResourcesFromWisdomFeed 

In this episode, Hanuman and our guest, Aaron Wolf discuss conflict management. He's a water resources geographer at Oregon State University and a trained mediator. Wolf facilitates dialogue between groups to help them find a shared vision around some big issues. Faith that gets to the core of our identity and water rights, which govern our very survival. First the hosts discuss Dan Goleman's own experience with conflict, sharing how he had to manage a conflict with his department at Harvard before they would endorse his plan to submit a thesis on meditation.Then we talk about Aaron Wolf's career mediating conflicts around the world. They discuss lessons learned from international conflicts over pollution, cultural faux pas, finding humility in conflict and what it feels like when there is change in the room, We finish up with another installment of Ask Dan. This time the question is about how to love and know one's self.  Support the show

Dr. Dan Goleman author of the #1 international bestseller Emotional Intelligence, offers a groundbreaking look at today's scarcest resource and the secret to high performance and fulfillment: Attention. In his new book Focus, he uncovers the science of attention in all its varieties – presenting a groundbreaking look at this overlooked and underrated asset, and why it matters enormously for how we feel, and succeed, in life. Dr. Goleman's most recent books are The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights and Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence (www.MoreThanSound.net). He integrates findings from neuroscience with emotional intelligence. For practical techniques to increase focus, Dr. Goleman created the CD Cultivating Focus: Techniques for Excellence, a series of guided exercises to help people hone their concentration, stay calm and better manage emotions. More info go to: www.morethansound.net

Dr. Dan Goleman author of the #1 international bestseller Emotional Intelligence, offers a groundbreaking look at today's scarcest resource and the secret to high performance and fulfillment: Attention. In his new book Focus, he uncovers the science of attention in all its varieties – presenting a groundbreaking look at this overlooked and underrated asset, and why it matters enormously for how we feel, and succeed, in life. Dr. Goleman's most recent books are The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights and Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence (www.MoreThanSound.net). He integrates findings from neuroscience with emotional intelligence. For practical techniques to increase focus, Dr. Goleman created the CD Cultivating Focus: Techniques for Excellence, a series of guided exercises to help people hone their concentration, stay calm and better manage emotions. More info go to: www.morethansound.net

This is the second conversation in our three part series on achievement, one of four self-management competencies in Dan Goleman's framework of emotional intelligence.Our guest, Peter Haberl, joined the United States Olympic Committee in 1998. In his current position as senior sport psychologist, he provides individual and team consultations and mental training sessions to various national team athletes with a specific specialization in team sports. Haberl has enjoyed the privilege of having worked at nine Olympic Games, four Pan American Games, and one Paralympic Games with U.S. athletes. Prior to joining the Olympic Movement in the U.S., Haberl played professional ice hockey in Austria. Born in Austria, Haberl received his bachelor's degree in sports science from the University of Vienna, Austria. He later earned his master's degree in counseling and his Ed. D. in counseling psychology at Boston University. A licensed psychologist, Haberl focuses on mindfulness and ACT-based interventions. He enjoys using his daughter's art work in his presentations.In this episode, Peter Haberl joins Liz Solomon to discuss how US Olympic athletes, coaches and staff unlock achievement within the system of their teams. Support the show

How do you react to challenging situations and interactions? Are you able to express empathy and understanding even when you're feeling frustrated and unheard? If so, you might have high emotional intelligence (EQ). A high EQ is one of the most important skill sets you can have if you want to thrive in and outside of the office. People with high EQ are more likely to be effective communicators, problem-solvers, and more. If you think you have a low EQ and tend to react based on your emotions, don't worry! Best-selling author and psychologist Dan Goleman knows that these skills can be learned! We can all harness our emotions and use them for our benefit. In this episode, Hala talks to Dan about IQ VS EQ, the link between mindfulness and EQ, the four aspects of an emotionally intelligent person, parasympathetic and sympathetic modes, the relationship between anxiety and performance, and gives actionable tips about how we can learn emotional intelligence.    Topics Include: - Dan's Journey - The basis of his book Emotional Intelligence - IQ VS EQ - Learning EQ and neuroplasticity  - Link between meditation and stress reactivity  - Four parts of an emotionally intelligent person - Value of emotions  - Emotional Stoplight  - Cyber disinhibition - Types of brains and brain biology - Amygdala hijacks  - Steps to developing emotional intelligence  - Inner dialogue and how to speak to ourselves  - Parasympathetic vs sympathetic mode - Relationship between anxiety and performance - Self-motivation and purpose  - “The Good Cry” and why this phenomenon may not hold weight - Recipe for getting over an argument  - How to shift your mood - Three different types of empathy and how you use them - How emotional intelligence impacts society  - How EQ translates into organizational performance - Dan's actionable advice to be more profitable tomorrow - Dan's secret to profiting in life   - And other topics…  Daniel Goleman is the author of the best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, as well as many other works in emotional and social intelligence, leadership, and education. He is also a psychologist, former science journalist for the New York Times, and co-director of the Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations. Daniel co-founded the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning at Yale University's Child Studies Center. He lectures frequently to professional audiences, and is the host of the First Person Plural podcast. He holds a bachelor's degree from Amherst College, and a PhD in clinical psychology and personality development from Harvard, where he also taught.  Sponsored By: Peloton - Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.  Indeed - Go to Indeed.com/profiting to claim your $75 credit before April 30th WRKOUT - Visit wrkout.com/yap to book a FREE Session with a world-class trainer and get 30% off your first TWO MONTHS with code YAP Jordan Harbinger - Check out jordanharbinger.com/start for some episode recommendations Constant Contact - To start your free digital marketing trial today, visit constantcontact.com 99designs by Vista - Head to 99designs.com/YAP to learn more and get $30 off your first design contest! Resources Mentioned: Dan's Books: https://www.danielgoleman.info/purchase/  Dan's EI Assessments: https://www.danielgoleman.info/ei-assessments/  Dan's Podcast, First Person Plural: https://www.keystepmedia.com/first-person-plural/  Dan's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielgoleman/  Dan's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielgoleman Dan's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniel_goleman_/ Connect with Young and Profiting: YAP's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/youngandprofiting/     Hala's Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/htaha/     Hala's Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/yapwithhala/     Clubhouse: https://www.clubhouse.com/@halataha   Website: https://www.youngandprofiting.com/  Text Hala and join YAP's text community by texting the keyword “YAP” to 28046

Think about some of the best leaders you've known in your career. Were they great listeners, empathetic, cared about your and others well-being, and had your back? On this episode, Deloitte Chief Well-being Officer Jen Fisher talks with Dr. Dan Goleman, psychologist and author of the bestseller, “Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships”, about the importance of emotional intelligence throughout the workplace. 

Think about some of the best leaders you've known in your career. Were they great listeners, empathetic, cared about your and others well-being, and had your back? On this episode, Deloitte Chief Well-being Officer Jen Fisher talks with Dr. Dan Goleman, psychologist and author of the bestseller, “Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships”, about the importance of emotional intelligence throughout the workplace. 

Learning to control our response to others is not as easy as it sounds. Learning how to monitor our emotions, how we respond, and learn to work with others is a valuable skill. This week we are talking about Dan Goleman's research into understanding ourselves and our emotions better.

Learning to control our response to others is not as easy as it sounds. Learning how to monitor our emotions, how we respond, and learn to work with others is a valuable skill. This week we are talking about Dan Goleman's research into understanding ourselves and our emotions better.

Learning to control our response to others is not as easy as it sounds. Learning how to monitor our emotions, how we respond, and learn to work with others is a valuable skill. This week we are talking about Dan Goleman's research into understanding ourselves and our emotions better.

Fawzya Khosti Interviews LinkedIn's Head of Mindfulness and Compassion Programs, Scott Shute. Change Your Work and Your World from the Inside Out: SHAPE THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF OUR WORKPLACES BY INTRODUCING MORE COMPASSION…AND IT STARTS WITH US. In The Full Body Yes, Scott Shute shares a fascinating tale, well-told, making a heartfelt case for self-awareness, full presence, and compassion. I couldn't stop reading. — Dan Goleman, Ph.D., author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Intelligence. “Scott Shute is an admired leader within LinkedIn, where he has helped individuals and organizations transform. In The Full Body Yes, Scott gives you the secret sauce that will help you transform your work and life?from the inside out.” ?Ryan Roslansky, CEO of LinkedIn “Writing with vulnerability, humor, and compassion, Scott Shute shares his insights and life lessons in The Full Body Yes. You will see yourself in these pages and truly enjoy the journey to more connection with yourself and with the people you lead.” — Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Change.

Fawzya Khosti Interviews LinkedIn's Head of Mindfulness and Compassion Programs, Scott Shute. Change Your Work and Your World from the Inside Out: SHAPE THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF OUR WORKPLACES BY INTRODUCING MORE COMPASSION…AND IT STARTS WITH US. In The Full Body Yes, Scott Shute shares a fascinating tale, well-told, making a heartfelt case for self-awareness, full presence, and compassion. I couldn't stop reading. — Dan Goleman, Ph.D., author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Intelligence. “Scott Shute is an admired leader within LinkedIn, where he has helped individuals and organizations transform. In The Full Body Yes, Scott gives you the secret sauce that will help you transform your work and life?from the inside out.” ?Ryan Roslansky, CEO of LinkedIn “Writing with vulnerability, humor, and compassion, Scott Shute shares his insights and life lessons in The Full Body Yes. You will see yourself in these pages and truly enjoy the journey to more connection with yourself and with the people you lead.” — Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Change.

Dr. Dan Goleman shares how Emotional Intelligence can help us live happier lives and contribute to a better world. This conversation with Dr. Mark Williamson was recorded at an Action for Happiness event on 24 November 2020 www.actionforhappiness.org. Full Youtube conversation with the audience questions available here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ADA5LcNzIE

Dr. Dan Goleman shares how Emotional Intelligence can help us live happier lives and contribute to a better world. This conversation with Dr. Mark Williamson was recorded at an Action for Happiness event on 24 November 2020 www.actionforhappiness.org. Full Youtube conversation with the audience questions available here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ADA5LcNzIE

No speaker in the history of Intelligence Squared has generated as many YouTube views as Daniel Goleman. His 2013 talk for us has been viewed 3.2 million times. Goleman returned to celebrate the 25th anniversary of his number one, multi-million copy international bestseller, Emotional Intelligence. The book, revolutionary at the time, taught us that qualities such as self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, motivation, empathy and social deftness are more important than raw IQ. These so-called softer skills are the ones which determine whether or not people excel at work, have flourishing relationships and are able to navigate difficult conversations.In this podcast, Goleman shared new insights into the brain architecture underlying emotion and rationality, and showed precisely how emotional intelligence can be nurtured and strengthened in all of us. The episode was chaired by host of the Stories of Our Times podcast Manveen ana To buy the book click here: https://www.bloomsbury.com/uk/emotional-intelligence-9780747528302/ Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/intelligencesquared. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Such a fascinating question that I asked myself for the first time last night. The answer came so quickly that it surprised me.   Yes... I am always kidding myself and I do it without even noticing.   The reason I believe that, is based on some things I read once in the book Emotional Intelligence by Dan Goleman. Those things have recently resurfaced In my mind through other authors. Let me summarize it for you.   In the context of our normal human existence, we walk through life on guard against things that threaten our sense of worth and well-being. That’s because we actually have a part of our brain that functions as a watchdog for threats. Most of us have experienced the way our body instinctively responds to perceived danger and are aware of the way fear enables us to perform in abnormal ways for the sake of our physical safety. That doesn’t happen very often but it’s nice to know that we are wired to rise up and protect ourselves if it’s needed, right?   What most of us don’t give credence to is the fact that our brain perceives threats to our emotional security almost continuously. Without even realizing we are afraid, our brain activated the rest of the body and we kick into fight or flight mode.   Last night I had a moment that got me in touch with this reality. In a texting conversation (I know.. that was my first mistake) I asked my son a question that was based in fear, but I had no idea that was true because I didn’t feel any fear. In my mind I was following an urge to be more straight forward in all of my communication; especially with my family. I want us to be more free to say what we think and how we feel. Why does that have to be so hard?   I was genuinely kidding myself, even though I couldn’t see it. The reality that my words were rooted in fear was something I didn’t see. But the reactions of both my son and myself proved that they were. My fear sparked his and... well you know the rest of that story.   It didn’t feel good when I went to bed, but I somehow believed it was good. I believed the words I spoke in Episode 45, “pain always leaves something good behind. It did.   It got me in touch with how important it is for me to be aware of my fears before I enter into conversations, social gathers, or show up at work. If I’m aware of my hidden fears I am able to choose how to relate with those fears. I won’t get caught off guard by them and react, instead I can respond. When I respond it can be from a place of knowing -who I am and what’s important to me.   If this is the normal human condition as Dan Goleman and other respected authors tell us, then calling it normal and expecting it to be present, in both of us, becomes really important. It keeps us dealing with the facts of our lives and not just the stories that form around those facts because we are afraid.   When I am not aware of my fears I believe the stories I make up that give meaning to what happens around me. Once I do that, I will either blame myself for being a loser who deserves disrespect or another for being a selfish and mean person who simply doesn’t care whom they hurt. Blame turns to shame and I will direct it outward “shame on you” or inward “shame on me.”   Neither of those produces healthy communication or satisfying relationships.   It makes the question of If we Matter so important. If I am certain that we all matter regardless of what we do or don’t do, I will devote myself to knowing that I matter and helping others believe that they matter too. I will want to honor all of us.   Our challenge for this week is two-fold. To revisit the idea that everyone really does matter (period) and practice seeing people through that lens. To continually ask ourselves what we are afraid of as we walk through the week. Choosing to be mindful that all of us live with a very real sense that we are not enough to actually matter. From there we live to defend any sense of worth that we have or to perform for the sake of gaining some.   I’m intrigued to discover the impact of owning my fears so they don’t have the power to own me.   Will you practice with me? Share your thoughts with me and/or our Facebook community? Reach out to me for a free coaching session to jump-start this way of living? This IS worth it, because we DO matter!               Want to dialogue more? Join our Facebook group here. Any questions or comments? Email me directly here. Ready to start transforming your relationships? Go to our website and check out the resources on my coaching page.

All throughout school we have been tested on this subject and that subject, all to measure our competence…or more directly our level of intelligence (IQ). Howard Gardner took intelligence a step further and theorized that we have multiple intelligences – that is, humans have specific modalities by which they learn. So, some form of “intelligence” has been studied or theorized for decades. Emotional intelligence is no different. Popularized (though not developed) by Dan Goleman in the 1990s, he brought to light the notion that we can be intelligent in how we use and manage our emotions. The components of Emotional Intelligence include: Personal Competence: Self-Awareness, Self-Management Social Competence: Social Awareness, Relationship Management In this episode, I will unpack emotional intelligence or EQ, its competencies and how you can learn to become emotionally intelligent. The more emotionally intelligent you become, you become more aware of your own emotions, the emotions of others and the role your emotions play in building effective relationships. Unlike IQ, EQ is not static and can be learned. If you've never heard of emotional intelligence, today is your first lesson in beginning a new path to becoming a better you. Music: https://audionautix.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/becoming-a-better-you/message

Let's talk about emotions, today. Notice that I normally tend to use the word “emotions,” rather than the word “feelings.” The word “feeling” often tends to be ambiguous. When I used to ask untrained clients a question like “What are you feeling?” they would invariably answer in a sentence that started with, “Well, I feel like …”. It could be things like “I feel like I'm going to die,” “I feel like he's judging me,” “I feel like I'm letting them down,” “I feel like something bad is going to happen,” etc. Those are not what I call “feeling words,” but judgments. The Classical View of Emotions The classical view of emotion, is the concept that we have evolved specific emotion circuits deep within our brains, and that they produce and encode a set of very basic emotions that have the same fingerprint in any human, and perhaps even in other mammals. When specific stimuli occurring in the world, these circuits will get triggered and produce the appropriate change in our body physiology, our neurochemistry, our perceived sensations, and finally in our behavior. Furthermore, that theory claims that the basic set of emotions is so universal that any culture in the world can recognize which emotion someone expresses, just by looking at their face. Below, you'll see the picture of a man in distress. He's looking like he's about to cry. This man is soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo, and the picture was taken in 2016, at the European Championship final, when Ronaldo was playing for Portugal's national soccer team. France had just scored the decisive goal against his team. Cristiano Ronaldo Except that in that picture, the goal that Ronaldo had just witnessed was Portugal's first goal against France, and the emotion displayed on his face is one of elation, and his watery eyes want to cry tears of joy. If you saw the picture before reading these words, you were primed to see a man who's upset, and you probably agreed. It's only in context that you could tell for sure what the expression on his face meant. Affect and Interoception Coming back to a definition of the word “emotion,” we consider an emotion starts with an internal sensation, using a sense called . Interoception our sense of the internal state of our body. For instance, if I perceive what I label as “anxiety,” I feel a sort of constriction in the center of my chest. This is an example of interoception. But that doesn't have to be uniquely related to emotions. If I have heartburn, I will also feel a strong feeling in the center of my chest, albeit somewhat different. That, too, is an example of interoception. The main difference between anxiety and heartburn is how I interpret the sensation, based on my context. How I give it an emotional meaning. The concept of “” is your basic sense of feeling. It has two main components: Valence and Arousal. The Valence dimension goes from unpleasant to pleasant. The Arousal dimension goes from agitated to calm. Below is a circular diagram called the “Circumplex Model of Affect.” The feeling words are arranged around a circle, positioned roughly according to their level of Arousal and their level of Valence. Circumplex Model of Affect (Russell, 1980; the  did not place the words in such a neat circle) A positive emotion will be associated with pleasant affect. A negative emotion will be associated with unpleasant affect. Interoception and affect are hardwired in us, but our emotions are not. They are constructed, based on a large number of experiences we have had along our lives. The Predictive Brain According to Lisa Feldman Barrett, the brain's job is to manage our energy budget. In order to manage this budget, the brain makes predictions. We predict what's going to happen next and our brain manages our physiology accordingly. Fine-Grained Emotional Concepts The granularity of detail in how finely you can distinguish one emotion from another is a predictor of greater happiness and success in life. This capacity is called Emotional Intelligence, a term coined by Dan Goleman. Practice You'll find below a handout with a list of feeling words. On the front side are words that correspond to a positive Valence—pleasant affect—and on the other side, words that correspond do a negative Valence. The negative side has a list that's quite a bit longer than the positive side. Our culture has a finer resolution for uncomfortable emotions than it does for pleasant ones. But also our brain has a negative bias. Print out that list and expand your emotional vocabulary. When somebody asks you how you are doing, instead of replying a mundane “Fine!” try on the following feeling words, for size: “I'm feeling giddy, today!” “I'm quite cheerful, lad!” “Feeling mellow…”

You may have heard about emotional intelligence, but have you really ever paused to think about where you fall on the spectrum, and how it’s influencing your relationships and place in the world? It actually impacts everything, from our family lives to our leadership abilities and careers. But it’s something we’re never taught in school and often pressured to ignore when it comes to “being professional.” Luckily, emotional intelligence is something we can work on and grow like many other parts of our lives—you probably won’t be surprised that meditation is one way to do just that. Personally, I have noticed that when I’m staying current with my meditation practice, I’m less easily triggered and more emotionally resilient, which allows me to be more present for my family and my work. This week on The Doctor’s Farmacy, I had the pleasure of sitting down with my good friend Dan Goleman to talk about cultivating emotional intelligence through meditation, and why it matters more than you might think. Daniel is best known for his worldwide bestseller, “Emotional Intelligence,” and most recently co-authored the book, “Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain and Body.” Goleman has been ranked among the 25 most influential business leaders by several business publications including TIME and The Wall Street Journal. Apart from his writing on emotional intelligence, Goleman has written books on topics including self-deception, creativity, transparency, meditation, social and emotional learning, eco-literacy, and the ecological crisis. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Dr. Dan Goleman author of the #1 international bestseller Emotional Intelligence, offers a groundbreaking look at today's scarcest resource and the secret to high performance and fulfillment: Attention. In his new book Focus, he uncovers the science of attention in all its varieties – presenting a groundbreaking look at this overlooked and underrated asset, and why it matters enormously for how we feel, and succeed, in life. Dr. Goleman's most recent books are The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights and Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence (www.MoreThanSound.net). He integrates findings from neuroscience with emotional intelligence. For practical techniques to increase focus, Dr. Goleman created the CD Cultivating Focus: Techniques for Excellence, a series of guided exercises to help people hone their concentration, stay calm and better manage emotions. More info go to: www.morethansound.net

WELCOME to The State of RE PODCAST!! Hosted by Prof DEAN & Coach FoREal: FOLLOW US AT: twitter.com/stateofRE_pod www.instagram.com/stateof_Re_podcast/ www.facebook.com/state.ofre We Back!!!!! State of Re Podcast Episode 12: Where we cover the life and times, of our present day and time, through the lenses of state of re. Meaning reexamine rewind, refine, review, reach, revolutionize, redemption, recruit and refute topics and issues ranging from entertain, sports, education, reality and real issues of the day to day life. Hosted by Prof DEAN and Coach FoREal. 2:00: Shit Is RE-Dunkulous: 82 grams of Drugs found inside of a woman…!? 4:30: Good Reads: the Refugees: by Viet Thanh Nguyen& Milk and Honey: by Rupi Kaur Scripture: Wisdom workout with Coach FoReal Good Reviews: Sicario Day of Soldado & Jurassic World, and Quiet Place (Summer Reviews) 12:00: Rewind- Drake Scorpion Album: Review and Convo. 23:00: Action RE-action Sports talk: Lebron to Los Angeles! A Laker! We called it! But why!! Check our take! It’s to play with his SON!! 27:00: Interlude- Philosophy by the Legendary Bruce Lee on “EMOTIONAL CONTENT,” with music by Mos Def “Umi Says” State Of RE: MAIN COURSE OF RELATIONSHIP CONVERSATION about your 4 Dimensions of HEALTH with your self. Part 1 of a 4 part Series. This is a series about the 4 dimensions of Health in your RELATIONSHIP with yourself and your health. Which include your mental, emotional, spiritual, physical health. Transition of Mental Health to Emotional Health Convo: Review of Dr. Suzuki’s research on Exercise and how it helps you. 1.) Immediate effects on your brain through Increase neurotransmitters increase noradrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, and reaction time. 2.) shift and focus attention for 2 hours. Increase focus for up to two hours 3.) Expand and develop your hippocampus – which captures your memories. (which also fights lewy body dementia, alzheimers, etc. Breaking down the – Emotional health? Defining Emotional Health. What Is Emotional Health? Defining Emotional Health The Help Guide (2016) states that emotionally healthy people are those who can control their emotions and behaviour, who show resilience in troubling situations and can build strong, lasting relationships (The Help Guide, 2016). Emotional health is not merely the dearth of mental health. Just as the absence of depression does not mean that someone is happy or emotionally healthy. It is also important to note that like any desired state emotional health requires dedication and effort. A healthy emotional state doesn’t just happen (The Help Guide, 2016). What is Emotional Intelligence??? And how does that play with JEDI’s? Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) is a term created by two researchers – Peter Salavoy and John Mayer – and popularized by Dan Goleman in his 1996 book of the same name. We define EI as the ability to: Recognize, understand and manage our own emotions Recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others ReLearn: Prof. DEAN = Understanding good and bad emotional health. Embracing your triggers. Assess your emotional health, take an assessment. ReFlect: Coach FoReal = Ability to be aware and express your emotion. Empathy of self and others. “ I have to understand my ability to understand my emotion.” Self Awareness! Taking ownership, and learning first the ability to identify his emotions. REPRISE COMING! WHAT’s the REPRISE!! – Coming this Summer! With Coach FoREAL on the solo dolo tip!! ACTION REaction: with Prof.DEAN emergency podcast! Thank you for listening. And remember everybody, we are our relationships and who we invest in. REAL PEOPLE REAL LIVES REAL STORIES!! Outro Instrumental: T-Pain Boo’d Up remix!”

Enjoy our conversation as we span a range of interesting topics within psychology, including: Can we increase our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) through an app? What is “Digital Cocaine?” What is happening with artificial intelligence and facial recognition, and what are the implications? Can we learn from micro expressions on the human face? How can we use technology to better ourselves psychologically? What can we learn from rejection? How can we effectively give others space when they need it? How can we manage “expectancy effect” or what other peoples’ expectations are of us? Why is accessing emotions important for making good decisions? How do stress responses cause long term physical problems? What is Integrated Psychology and how can psychological care help with medical problems? In this 10th Episode Of Psychology America I interview Silja Litvin, founder and CEO of Psych Apps and creator of eQuoo, an app designed to use games to increase emotional intelligence in adults. (To find this app search http://bit.ly/eQuooiPhone http://bit.ly/eQuooAndroid). This interview took place between myself in New Jersey, USA and Silja Litvin in London and we did it through a Skype call. We have also turned the episode into a YouTube video which can be found on PsychologyAmerica.com or Siljalitvin.com under the same above title. If you enjoyed this episode and others, there are a few ways that you can show your support: 1) visit iTunes and leave us a 5-Star rating, 2) order a book from PsychologyAmerica.com where there is a selection of books I’ve personally chosen (your order will go seamlessly through to Amazon.com) or 3) press subscribe to continue to receive new episodes. Do you want to teach your child nine and under about how to have an optimistic outlook even when things go wrong? Consider purchasing my book entitled: “There’s Always Hope: a Story About Overcoming.” A link to this book on Amazon can be found on The Psychologyamerica.com website or directly at Amazon.com. The beautiful illustrations were painted by Philadelphia resident Briana Giasullo.

Today’s Friday Focus highlights a great Harvard Business Review Interview with Daniel Goleman about emotional & social intelligence. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/businessscaleinsights/support

Dan Goleman and Richie Davidson, both titans in their respective fields and best-selling authors, have co-written a new book out now entitled, "Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain and Body." Goleman, a renowned psychologist and science journalist, and Davidson, a prominent neuroscientist and founder of the Center for Healthy Minds, talk about their cutting-edge research in this new book, comparing brain activity of "Olympic level" meditators (such as monks) to meditation beginners and how mindfulness can be restorative for brain health.

Dan Goleman quotes: ‘Gifted leadership occurs when heart and head – feeling and thought – meet. These are the two winds that allow a leader to soar’. That can only happen when we as leaders take the time to be mindful, reflective, and willing to sharpen our focus and attention to achieve self awareness. The post Stop! Look! Listen to Yourself! appeared first on Connie Warner.

"The human central nervous system and brain is designed the same around the world... and there probably is a lot of spontaneous rediscovery in different areas of different ways you can play with the mind," Dan Goleman, renowned psychologist and author of the best-selling book, "Emotional Intelligence," says in our interview. Goleman has helped spread the concept of "emotional intelligence," or "EQ," and its four parts -- self-awareness, self-management, social awareness (empathy) and relationship management (social skills) -- across the globe and explains why it matters a great deal in leadership.

Join Alexis Robin, Executive Coach for a discussion on the science behind gut feelings. If you are a leader and you want to stay ahead of the curve, you may be able to leverage your smart head and your intuitive gut to stay ahead of the competition. For more detailed research supporting this show, read Dan Goleman's book, "Focus". For more on Alexis and the Team at P.link Link, visit www.plinkcoachingcenter.com

Based on Dan Goleman's "Just Like Me" meditation for children, this short 3 minute meditation will prepare you to be compassionate before interacting with others. Music is by Meditation Masters, Song "Meditating with Your Kids". Speaker is Alexis Robin, Executive Coach, Life Coach and Co-Founder of P.link Coaching Center For Excellence

Dr. Dan Goleman author of the #1 international bestseller Emotional Intelligence, offers a groundbreaking look at today's scarcest resource and the secret to high performance and fulfillment: Attention. In his new book Focus, he uncovers the science of attention in all its varieties – presenting a groundbreaking look at this overlooked and underrated asset, and why it matters enormously for how we feel, and succeed, in life. Dr. Goleman's most recent books are The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights and Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence (www.MoreThanSound.net). He integrates findings from neuroscience with emotional intelligence. For practical techniques to increase focus, Dr. Goleman created the CD Cultivating Focus: Techniques for Excellence, a series of guided exercises to help people hone their concentration, stay calm and better manage emotions. More info go to: www.morethansound.net