Podcast appearances and mentions of mary abbajay

Dr. Laura welcomes best-selling author, speaker, consultant, and president of Careerstone Group, Mary Abbajay, to the show to talk about her book Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. Through Careerstone Group, Mary offers different organizational and leadership solutions for businesses and government. Her vast experience with all types of bosses, which her book focuses on, compliments Dr. Laura's research into the toxic ones.Mary speaks to how the relationship with one's boss needs to be managed and requires effort to be productive. Through her work, she hears a lot of complaining from both sides without evidence that there's enough attention put towards creating a positive relationship. Mary and Dr. Laura discuss the differences between sucking up and managing up, the positive reactions from bosses and managers to her book, why HR may not be the best place to get help for dealing with a toxic boss, and how to handle toxic management in the workplace. This conversation is filled with real insight from Mary's experience dealing with all manner of leadership. “But managing up the way I see it is about not managing the person, but managing that relationship. It's like taking that power differential and turning it on its side, because in a relationship we all have agency, right? We all have advocacy. And so managing up is about making a concerted and intentional, sometimes a strategic effort to build a productive and positive working relationship so that you can succeed.” Mary AbbajayAbout Mary Abbajay:Mary Abbajay, author of the best-selling, award-winning Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss is the president of Careerstone Group, LLC, a full-service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions to business and government. As a sought-after author, speaker, consultant, and trainer, Mary helps clients develop the strategies, skills and sensibilities needed for success in the 21st century. Mary is the co-host of the weekly workplace advice podcast, Cubicle Confidential, and is a highly-rated LinkedIn Learning instructor. As a frequent expert contributor for television, radio, and print publications Mary provides practical leadership and career guidance. Her work and advice have appeared in the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Forbes, The Financial Times, The Wall Street Journal, the Huffington Post, Money Magazine, Southwest Airlines Magazine, CNN.com, Monster, CNBC, and the BBC. Resources:Website: CareerstoneGroup.com | ManagingUpTheBook.comMary Abbajay on InstagramMary Abbajay on LinkedInMary Abbajay on YouTubePodcast: Cubicle Confidential“Managing up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss” by Mary AbbajayLearn more about Dr. Laura on her website: https://drlaura.liveFor more resources, look into Dr. Laura's organizations: Canada Career CounsellingSynthesis PsychologySponsor For This Podcast:This episode is brought to you by The improve it! Podcast with Erin Diehl, a top 1% global podcast.Are you ready to transform your life through laughter, lifelong learning, and a little bit of improv magic?Well, get ready because The improve it! Podcast with Erin Diehl is here to add a dose of playfulness to your Wednesdays. Erin sits down with personal and professional development gurus to explore the pesky and beautiful aspects of life. They dive deep into the things that make us tick, laugh, and sometimes even cringe. You can find The improve it! Podcast on Apple, Spotify, or learntoimproveit.com. Subscribe today!

Many of us have had the boss from hell at some point--that person calling the shots who was absolutely horrible to work for. And while many in this situation just quit, walking away from the job isn't your only course of action. You can practice the art of managing up instead.As the author of Managing Up, Mary Abbajay literally wrote the book on it. So, if you want to move up, win at work, and succeed with any type of boss, then listen in as she talks about what it means to manage up and how it impacts your relationships.In this episode of the Branding Room Only podcast, you'll learn how to manage up within a simple framework as you build your brand. Mary will also teach you how to give constructive feedback and overcome three things that might trigger you when receiving feedback.1:39 - What personal brand means to Mary, three words that describe her, her favorite quote, and the hype song that plays every time she steps on stage5:10 - Mary's journey to discover what she wanted to do and how she defined and built her personal brand11:08 - How luck links to success and how it helped Mary become a LinkedIn Learning Instructor and an author16:32 - What managing up means and how doing it impacts your personal brand22:43 - The simple framework for managing up and how it helps you build better professional and personal relationships26:52 - The art of receiving feedback, its effect on your brand, and how to deal with the three feedback triggers31:17 - How to give potentially challenging feedback in a constructive way and how it impacts your brand39:47 - A brand aspect that Mary will always stand by, her Branding Room Only magic, and a fun sidebar on bartendingMentioned In How to Practice the Art of Managing Up and Navigating Feedback with Mary AbbajayManaging Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss by Mary AbbajayMary Abbajay on LinkedInThe Careerstone Group | InstagramCubicle Confidential podcast: Apple | Amazon | iHeart | Spotify“2024 Intention and Goal Setting Webinar” | YouTubeIs Your Women's Group Winning?: Strategies For Building A Stronger Women's Initiative In Your Organization“Some People Are Just Lucky. You Can Make Yourself One of Them.” by Rachel Feintzeig | Wall Street Journal (subscription required)Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen This episode is brought to you by PGE Consulting Group LLC.To learn more about Paula and her services, go to www.paulaedgar.com or contact her at info@paulaedgar.com, and follow Paula Edgar and the PGE Consulting Group LLC on LinkedIn.

Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work https://amplifypublishinggroup.com/product/nonfiction/business-and-finance/leadership-and-management/why-i-find-you-irritating-navigating-generational-friction-at-work/ Are your colleagues in distinctly different age groups? Are you sometimes baffled or frustrated by their decisions and behaviors? You are not alone. Since the workplace is made up of multiple generations, you are likely to experience generational friction firsthand. But let's be clear: these are not problems to fix. Rather, they are differences to understand, appreciate, and—ultimately—leverage. Organizational behavior expert Chris De Santis has studied the literature on par­enting, generational research, and the evolving American worker and workplace for decades. This deeply researched book reveals a fresh and easily implemented framework for understanding genera­tional perspectives, explaining when it makes sense to talk about these differences and when it doesn't. In Why I Find You Irritating, you'll learn why organizations need to embrace lop­sidedness as a way of reversing the commoditization of talent while simultaneously respecting what is unique about each of us. By understanding and appreciat­ing our colleagues, we can reduce friction, increase engagement, and improve both productivity and job satisfaction. 1-Multigenerational Negotiations 2-Hybrid Negotiations Listen to Cubicle Confidential Podcast, hosted by Mary Abbajay & Chris DeSantis on Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cubicle-confidential/id1575418679 cpdesantis.com https://cpdesantis.com/ Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work https://amplifypublishinggroup.com/product/nonfiction/business-and-finance/leadership-and-management/why-i-find-you-irritating-navigating-generational-friction-at-work/ Contact ANI Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company: https://www.americannegotiationinstitute.com/services/workshops/ Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kwamechristian/ The Ultimate Negotiation Guide: https://www.americannegotiationinstitute.com/guides/ultimate-negotiation-guide/ Click here to buy your copy of How To Have Difficult Conversations About Race!: https://www.amazon.com/Have-Difficult-Conversations-About-Race/dp/1637741308/ref=pd_%5B%E2%80%A6%5Df0bc9774-7975-448b-bde1-094cab455adb&pd_rd_i=1637741308&psc=1 Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!: https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Confidence-Conflict-Negotiate-Anything/dp/0578413736/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2PSW69L6ABTK&keywords=finding+confidence+in+conflict&qid=1667317257&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjQyIiwicXNhIjoiMC4xNCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMjMifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=finding+confidence+in+conflic%2Caps%2C69&sr=8-1

Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work https://amplifypublishinggroup.com/product/nonfiction/business-and-finance/leadership-and-management/why-i-find-you-irritating-navigating-generational-friction-at-work/ Are your colleagues in distinctly different age groups? Are you sometimes baffled or frustrated by their decisions and behaviors? You are not alone. Since the workplace is made up of multiple generations, you are likely to experience generational friction firsthand. But let's be clear: these are not problems to fix. Rather, they are differences to understand, appreciate, and—ultimately—leverage. Organizational behavior expert Chris De Santis has studied the literature on par­enting, generational research, and the evolving American worker and workplace for decades. This deeply researched book reveals a fresh and easily implemented framework for understanding genera­tional perspectives, explaining when it makes sense to talk about these differences and when it doesn't. In Why I Find You Irritating, you'll learn why organizations need to embrace lop­sidedness as a way of reversing the commoditization of talent while simultaneously respecting what is unique about each of us. By understanding and appreciat­ing our colleagues, we can reduce friction, increase engagement, and improve both productivity and job satisfaction. 1-Multigenerational Negotiations 2-Hybrid Negotiations Listen to Cubicle Confidential Podcast, hosted by Mary Abbajay & Chris DeSantis on Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cubicle-confidential/id1575418679 cpdesantis.com https://cpdesantis.com/ Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work https://amplifypublishinggroup.com/product/nonfiction/business-and-finance/leadership-and-management/why-i-find-you-irritating-navigating-generational-friction-at-work/ Contact ANI Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company: https://www.americannegotiationinstitute.com/services/workshops/ Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kwamechristian/ The Ultimate Negotiation Guide: https://www.americannegotiationinstitute.com/guides/ultimate-negotiation-guide/ Click here to buy your copy of How To Have Difficult Conversations About Race!: https://www.amazon.com/Have-Difficult-Conversations-About-Race/dp/1637741308/ref=pd_%5B%E2%80%A6%5Df0bc9774-7975-448b-bde1-094cab455adb&pd_rd_i=1637741308&psc=1 Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!: https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Confidence-Conflict-Negotiate-Anything/dp/0578413736/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2PSW69L6ABTK&keywords=finding+confidence+in+conflict&qid=1667317257&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjQyIiwicXNhIjoiMC4xNCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMjMifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=finding+confidence+in+conflic%2Caps%2C69&sr=8-1

Description: How do we heal and transform society through conscious leadership?    Conscious leadership is a turning towards oneself and the questions of one's life.  A conscious leader asks what lines will I not cross ethically?  What really matters?  What is mine to guard and protect?  What is mine to heal and restore?  How can I be in service in society?   We can only become a conscious leader by developing the qualities on the inside that support conscious action on the outside.   In this podcast interview with my friend Mary Abijaay, you will learn the root cause of unconscious leadership, how to manage yourself in the face of unconscious leaders, how to manage up in the midst of difficulty, and what to pay attention to in yourself and others to determine how to achieve success with your boss at work.   Episode Links: Mary's Book Mary on LinkedIn From Triggered to Triumph- Team Experience with Carley How to Coach a Harmful and Unconscious Leader with Carley  Navigating Triggers Meditation with Carley Polyvagal Theory- How to Befriend Your Nervous System with Deb Dana  HBR Article- We need trauma informed Workplaces SHINE Links: Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes  Building Trust Free Gift Carley Links: LinkedIn Consultation Call with Carley Book Carley for Speaking Leading from Wholeness Learning & Development Carley's Book Executive Coaching with Carley Well Being Resources: Inner Game Meditations Inner Game Leadership Assessment Social:  LinkedIn IG Website Shine Podcast Page IMPERFECT SHOW NOTES Carley Hauck  0:10   Hi, my name is Carley Hauck and I am host of the shine podcast. This podcast has been flickering strong since May 2019. I began the podcast due to all the research I was conducting in interviews with organizational leaders, lead scientists, academic researchers and spiritual teachers for my new book shine, ignite your inner game to lead consciously at work in the world. I wrote my book to inspire a new paradigm of conscious leadership and business that was in service of higher purpose to help humans flourish, and regenerate our planet. The podcast focuses on the science and application of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices that you can cultivate to be the kind of leader our world needs now. I will be facilitating two to three episodes a month. And before I tell you about the theme of our season, please go over to Apple podcasts, hit the subscribe button on shine or go to your favorite podcast platform carrier. That way you don't miss one episode. Thank you. This season is going to be focused on what leadership skills are most needed to create a healthy organizational culture. Leadership and manager effectiveness has been deemed the number one priority for HR and 2023. And every person listening whether you have a formal leadership title or not, you are a leader. We all have the responsibility to lead around something that we care about whether it's at home with our family, and our communities and or in the workplace. And on to the podcast. Hello shine podcast listeners. Thank you so much for joining me in this wonderful conversation with my friend Mary Abby, Jay. And Mary. Just a quick intro for folks. I actually found you a couple years ago when I was listening to Sarah holds podcast advice to my younger me, but she just actually finished she finished the podcast I saw her like last post I think it was last week. But I found Sara because she wrote this fabulous book with the same name advice to my younger me and I frankly thought Why didn't I know this in my 30s? Why am I now just discovering this in my 40s Well, she hadn't read it. She hadn't written it yet. And as part of her research, she researched all these incredible women leaders and you were one of the very first interviews that she did and you just really resonated and So I kind of had been holding this idea to reach out and then I did and voila. And I'm so happy. You're connected. And thank you so much for your work. Mary Abbajay  5:10   Well, Carly, that's so sweet. Now I just kind of feel like I just said good night Detroit. Like Thank you tip your waitresses, because that was really, really lovely. Yeah, Sarah is lovely person. And I was so delighted when you reached out to me, so I'm really excited to be here. So thanks for having me. Carley Hauck  5:24   Well, thank you. Could you share a little bit with our listeners about the work that you're doing in the world? And and also anything else you want to share about you as a person? identities? All those pieces? All those hats? We were right. Mary Abbajay  5:41   Oh, my gosh. So well, you know, I'm an introvert. So this is like my worst nightmare to talk about myself. But for you for you, Carly, I will do it. Hello, Shine listeners. My name is Mariana J. I am an organizational development consultant, I have a little boutique firm, called Career stone group. And we like to say that we help people make workplaces that are productive and positive. And we help people to be productive and positive in their workplaces. I'm a Gemini, I live in Washington, DC, I am married with one little furbaby named Valentino, he's a little rescue shitzu, if you've ever heard of such a thing, and I'm the author of a book called Managing Up, how to move up when at work and succeed with any type of boss, and it's all about how you can really take control of your career and be successful. I love what I do. I am a workaholic. Mostly because I love my work. Because I get to do cool things like this all the time. And that really, really feeds my soul, I have this diluted sense that by helping people make their work lives better, I'm doing just a little bit to make the world a better place. So that's, that's kind of under passion about what I do. So that's, that's me. Carley Hauck  6:54   Thank you. I love hearing all those other parts about you. Some of those I knew, because you're pretty transparent in the book. Well, I have to say this book is phenomenal. Like I have a high bar for books, being an author myself. And I just think this is so needed. And so for those of you that have had a boss or have a boss, they'll get this book, there will be links in the show notes, show notes, but I highly recommended. And before I even got to the part, where you share in the book, Why you actually ended up kind of writing this book, I had this intuition, I bet she had a really bad boss. And for all of them. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so that's really where I wanted to go in our in our conversation today. So they're kind of a couple of threads, I wanted to speak about how we manage ourselves first self management, so that we can confidently and powerfully manage up with any kind of boss. And I also wanted to talk a little more deeply about some of the root causes of why people are acting unconsciously, we could call them you know, bad bosses, I often like to use unconscious leaders because sometimes these behaviors, and even the wounding that is causing these behaviors are unconscious. And so instead of healing, they're hurting, and they're harming people in the workplace. I also wanted to bring in a little bit of the research that I have done and the framework on what are the conscious leadership qualities that we can grow, so that we can actually be more conscious leaders, and people don't have to manage us so much. And then lastly, I'd love to ask you some questions about what you can actually be assessing, when you're first having interviews with this potential new hire or new boss, and also what you might be able to do in the first 90 days to 100 days. And then I thought it could be fun if we role played one of the vos personalities and how you might manage yourself and how you might manage them. So we have a meaty discussion here. Unknown Speaker  9:20   I love it. I can't wait. Carley Hauck  9:22   Thank you. Thank you. Well, for folks that have been listening to the shine podcast, you know that I started this podcast because it was part of the research that I was conducting on my book on conscious leadership. And part of the reason that I wrote that book was because I was seeing lots and lots of folks in different industries over 10 years that were possessing certain qualities of consciousness that then supported more high performing teams psychological safety trust, well being and they were the exception, unfortunately. not the rule. So as a way to discern, and really bring in this framework, I had to see a lot of unconscious leadership, personally and professionally. And so, Mary, this brings us back to the reason that you wrote this book. It sounds like you had multiple leaders that and bosses that were really hard to navigate and to manage up. Do you feel like sharing any story from any one of those? Mary Abbajay  10:33   Oh, yeah. I mean, I share a lot of them in the books me I had, you know, and I think throughout, first of all, all the bad bosses I had led me to decide that if they could be a bad boss, I could be my own bad boss. I didn't need someone else being an asshole. I could be an asshole to myself, like, I didn't need that. So I have so many bad bosses is one of the reasons why I went, I became an entrepreneur. I'm like, I can do this. Like, I don't need this above me. So all in all, it was a good thing. You know, I had a boss, I had a boss that was a horrible micromanager, just horrible, horrible, horrible. I had a boss who was a screaming, shouting bully. I had a boss that was just completely incompetent, inadequate. And of all these bosses, I did have one boss, who was amazing, who was the kind of boss that really partnered with you. He was the kind of boss that really encouraged you. And he was kind of boss that that you could really flourish with. So I have had one good boss, well, the PROSPER not very good, but only one was toxic. And so as we talk about, like difficult bosses or difficult people or unconscious leadership, I think there's a big difference between someone who is an okay person, but not a good boss, right? A good boss for you. But there are people so that maybe they're unconscious of the impact of their of their bossing behaviors. But I do hope we do talk a little bit about like those that are not good people. They're more than unconscious. They're, they're the toxic people, because I think that's a real problem in the world. Carley Hauck  12:06   It is, it is an actually, I wanted to go there a little bit with you right now. So thank you for sharing all of that. So this was one of the quotes that I found in your book, and I, you know, I bring research into everything that I am also talking about, because it it really grounds it in a certain reality, especially for those skeptics, but you shared that research shows that it takes up to 22 months to emotionally and psychologically recover from the trauma of a psycho crazy bully tyrannical screaming egomaniac boss. Yeah, that's a long time. Yeah. And so what would Mary Abbajay  12:47   you say? I'll tell you, Carly. So you know, that was the research that I found a couple of years ago, and I wrote the book. And since then, I have probably spoken to well over like 10s and 10s of 1000s of people. And in every crowd, there's going to be 20%, who have had a psycho crazy, tyrannical, toxic boss, right? And I always ask people, How long did it take you to recover? And I think the 22 months was conservative, because I am hearing people talk about the trauma 23456 years later. So I think that 22 months is actually if I was to rewrite the book today, I might say up to five years, because I have met way too many people that are still struggling and still recovering from that trauma years and years after. Carley Hauck  13:35   I just feel such sadness and heaviness in my heart. Because I know part of why you and I are both here is we want to create healing organizations know that let work be a place where we can thrive. Thank you for for sharing that. Yeah. Mary Abbajay  13:52   And I will say this to any of your listeners, because this is really like this just gets my goat that we still in the 21st century. With all we know about neuroscience with all we know about organizational effectiveness and engagement, that organizations still allow toxic leaders in their organization. It just like I was, you know, we just saw the thing about Jimmy Fallon, like every week and these are famous people. Think about all those organizations that don't have famous leaders that nobody cares that this is happening. So you know, I want people to realize that if you are working in a toxic situation, you have to get out. No one is coming to save you. HR isn't coming to save you. They may want to save you they don't usually have the power to save you because the toxic people usually sit at the very top and toxic workplaces will make you physically ill you have a 60% increased likelihood of cardiac diseases stroke, it decimates your immune system, making you susceptible to all sorts of diseases like flus cold ulcers, it decimated You know, your emotional field, your psychological field, your mental health. And we know that people stay in toxic situations two years longer than they stay in other non toxic situations, because there's a lot of toxicity that goes on and what we call high meaning careers. fields like law fields, like medicine, fields, like politics, fields, like government. So people will tend to stay longer in these fields, because they really love their job, or they're passionate about what they're doing and for whom nonprofits is also a big place for toxicity. And so people tend to stay much longer, I just have to tell you, if you if you are in a toxic situation, you have to get out 10s of 1000s of people, I've asked this other question, too, how long did it take you to recover? And did you leave too soon, not one person has ever said they'd love to soon. They didn't leave soon enough. Carley Hauck  15:58   Thank you for sharing that. And I do believe that some of these conscious leadership qualities that we're going to talk about will actually one really help us to know our value to know our worth, and be able to manage ourselves more quickly, so that we can manage up. But I agree with you. And also would love to just talk about the deeper aspect of why these folks are showing up in the way that they are. We all have trauma, you know, individually, collectively, intergenerationally. And there are folks that are not doing their inner work, have not done their inner work. And frankly, the workplace has not always and mostly has not invested in learning or leadership development. That is why Leadership Development Manager effectiveness is thankfully the number one priority for HR right now. Because that's the only way we're going to be able to create a future of work that actually works for people. And hallelujah, for the younger generations that are really speaking up, they're more socially engaged, they're saying no, and they are the bulk of the workforce. So we have to change, because otherwise no one's going to come to work. Mary Abbajay  17:22   We do have to change, you know, the challenge will be with this change is that will HR be empowered to actually make a difference? I fear that some of this will go by the wayside, like D Ay ay ay is going a little bit by the wayside. Because at the end of the day, a lot of private sector organizations and nonprofit organizations always put their bottom line value on how much money is this organization making. And so I think one that challenges for HR when the opportunities is for them to show the bottom line, cash money value of actually investing in good leadership and good management, and employee health and an employee engagement. And it might take a newer generation of the C suite executives to actually place that value, right to actually be open to looking at that value. Because at the end of the day, for a lot of corporations, Money talks, and employee health walks us. So I really do, I really am I'm very hopeful. And a little cautious around this, I just hope that we can get the C suite to see the actual money value of being a good leader. Because you know, you see all these toxic leaders are all these bad leaders. They're just all these unhappy, low employee, low engagement places, and they still don't do anything about it. So we've got a kind of a new breed of C suites, they actually appreciate this, I think, Carley Hauck  18:49   well, and that's where really investing in leadership development to invest in how to be a co leadership Mary Abbajay  18:55   development only works if the top tier leadership places a value on it. Right? So I'm the you and I are both trainers, right? So we go in and we teach all the great skills, how to be, you know, a great leader, a great manager. And if they aren't rewarded for that, that doesn't happen, right? So their top leaders don't actually invest in making sure and holding those managers accountable for being good people, managers, the managers don't have any incentive. You take an organization, I think it's Deloitte or Accenture, I was getting confused. They got very serious about making sure their managers were more people centric. And so the managers part of their performance review is are you having? I think they have to do like monthly check ins with their people, are you and they're actually grading the managers on the success of their people in terms of their people's happiness and their engagement levels. And that seems to be working. So I think if we're going to do the leadership development, that's the carrot but you also need the reward? Carley Hauck  20:01   Well, I I agree with you. And, you know, going back to what you were sharing, there is more retention, there is more internal mobility, you know, there is more employee well being and people do want to stay when there are strong conscious leaders of the home. Yes, but But going back to leadership development, I started off with my path as a therapist, so I worked a lot with traumatized populations. And so I feel trauma informed on you know, the signs to look for. But we need to be assessing like, who has trauma and who doesn't, and who is doing the inner work, so that that's not being repeated, and they're now traumatizing other people. So I, I don't know if the workplace is ready for that. But like, that's the other piece we have to solve. We have to actually equip trainers, coaches, HR on being informed about trauma, and then and then solutions for healing. Yeah, that's just that's another piece that I see. So we are talking a bit about, you know, leadership manager, effectiveness being the number one priority in HR. And I wanted to talk a little bit about this conscious leadership framework, because I think it complements really well, some of the pieces in your book, and your research. So I distilled that there were nine different leadership competencies, that all worked in tandem, and actually on a continuum. And every person has different ranges of use, but when they're all actually dialed in, at the same time, we end up leading from our best selves, we can empower and lead our teams, we can increase trust, psychological safety, inclusion, innovation, without burning our folks out or further traumatizing them. And so I always like to kind of put myself you know, in the ring and ask my, my guests as well, where they think they are falling on some of these dimensions. So there, there are nine, which is self awareness, self management, empathy, resilience, which is a growth mindset, humility, self belonging, which is really including the dimensions of self love, self compassion, self forgiveness, self acceptance, and then physical, and psychological well being. And so not to put you too much on the spot, Mary, but I feel curious, what are one or two areas that you feel like as a leader, you're really prioritizing you, you're leading from this place, so you can lead others in a more conscious way? Mary Abbajay  22:55   I think for me, I think there's four that I think there's four, I don't know that I prioritize them. But there's four that I think are, are very prevalent in my day to day in my life, and one is self management. I am I'm constantly trying to self manage myself, I try to think about how do I need to say this was my impact for your listeners to know I'm actually like, I'm talking really slow right now. And it's really hard for me, like so like really trying to like in, you know, I'm a very direct, fast paced, you know, I'm a high strung type a person, so I'm always trying to manage that. So self management is a very big priority for me. My empathy is pretty strong. My husband says, It's my Libra moon, and my rising Gemini. I know, that's silly. My husband's on to the horoscope. But I do and I think empathy is really great. I think sometimes empathy gets in the way for me making tough decisions. But there's something that I don't want to lose resilience and a growth mindset are things I really try to prioritize, you cannot be as you know, a business owner, and not have to not cultivate resiliency, and a growth mindset. Because the minute you think that you you're all that in a bag of chips, you're gonna get smacked down. And the minute you think your business is all going good, you're gonna lose a big client. And the minute you think, you know, everything and you start, you stop being a learner, you're gonna lose it. And then humility, I think, I think I tend to be a very humble person. And I think humility is really important. Maybe it verges on the, on the side of self deprecation, which isn't necessarily so good. But yeah, so those are the four that I think are most prevalent in my life. Carley Hauck  24:35   Thank you. Yeah. Thank you self management, of resilience. And then I heard in humility, being humility. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Mary Abbajay  24:46   I can reach my husband says, that means I let my team walk all over me. He's like, You need to just you just need to lay down the lawn like Oh, but they're really busy. I'll just take on this piece of work for them. Carley Hauck  24:57   So when you talk about self management? What are your tips for self managing? I heard you say that you're trying to talk slowly. Why are you trying to do that right now in this moment, Mary Abbajay  25:10   because I lose the idea myself on my podcast and other people's podcasts or on, you know, video of me and I am talking way too fast. So I'm trying to slow it down so that people can hear me and understand. And plus, sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain. That's not always a great thing. But yeah, so when I say self management, I, you know, I'm fairly aware of my, of my tendencies that are not going to have positive impact on people. So I do set an intention around a handful of my less than lovely qualities to try to make them more palatable to other people. I'm a big believer in the platinum rule, you know, really find out to treat others as they want to be treated. And so self managing myself around people who operate differently than me, is something I really work on. I work hard on trying to do. Carley Hauck  26:04   Hmm, thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it. You know, where do you think some of the more unconscious leaders? Where do you think they might be lower Mary Abbajay  26:17   self awareness completely, is completely with self awareness, and then self management. So you know, I think, first of all, let's be honest, human beings are as are not very self aware, we like to think we're self aware. But we are not, I think it's Adam Grant that talks a lot about the lack of our self awareness. And not only are we not really self aware about what's driving us, we really lack awareness, and concern, I think about how our actions, our words, or deeds, and our behaviors are impacting other people. I really liked Tasha, Europe's work on this, in your book insight, where she did, she does a lot of work with C suite executives. And she found like 95% of them think that they're highly, highly self aware, and that she did some research on that by interviewing their teams. And something like only 15 15% of them actually were self aware. So I think that I think self awareness, especially around your impact on others, how other people experience you is very, very low in leaders. And I think it gets worse, as leaders go up the chain of command, because as you go up the chain of command, first of all, people stop giving you feedback, right? They stop telling you the truth about who you are. And I think quite frankly, people start believing their own shit, I'm sorry, that's French, for married, people start believing their own stuff, like I'm so good, I'm this, I'm this important. I'm so smart. I'm up here in the C suite. And I think that people really lose a lot of their self awareness. And if you don't have self awareness, you're not gonna be able to do self management. And the other thing I think that happens in leadership, is, as you were pointing out, we don't necessarily do a great job in America, of actually developing our leaders or managers before they become leaders or managers. Harvard did a study on this a few years back, and they found most managers get their first taste of being a supervisor or a manager in their late 20s, or early 30s. But they don't get significant training on that until their late 30s, early 40s. So for 10 years, they're just kind of making it up, right. And if they're trying to make it up based on a culture that has poor management examples, or poor leadership examples, then they're not going to get any self awareness, therefore, they're not going to get the self management about how the impact of their management style is working or not working. Carley Hauck  28:36   Agreed. And, you know, most people leaders have been advanced for their technical skills, not because of their people skills. That's exactly right. And they're still calling people skills, soft skills. But if we can't manage or empower our people, we're not going to be able to get the deliverables or the business objectives done. Like it's just not going to happen. Mary Abbajay  29:00   I know. And the other thing that I see Carly is that there's a lot of people that are managers, or leaders, they don't really want to manage the people, right? And so it's if you want to be a good people manager, if you're only taking that job to make more money or advance your career, which I understand, but if you don't want the people part of the job, then where's the incentive for you to become self aware, right, or to be have self manage or even to have the the humility or the empathy or the resilience from other people management? Carley Hauck  29:31   So hearing that most people are not very self aware, one of the things that I know that I do, and that I would hope to encourage in more learning and leadership development programs, and I don't do it all the time, but I try to, is to check in on. So what's your reaction to what I just said? Like what was the impact of that? Yeah, and yeah, that takes it down a notch and it does take more time. But how was My Message received? Because if we don't ask, then people are likely not always going to tell us, you and I are more direct. So we will probably tell people in a kind, indirect way, but most people don't feel safe. They don't either feel safe in themselves, or they don't have the courage to say it out loud. Because that that also has not been something that has been very promoted in our culture is Mary Abbajay  30:27   I think you're right. And I think you have bosses like telling me the truth, I want to hear it. But you know, they don't, because their past behavior has shown you that they don't. So I think that's always a very interesting thing. You know, and I think, you know, when you're talking about managing up, you know, I think self awareness and self management is really key for managing up. And so I often tell people, you know, if you really want to understand your impact on people, the best way to do that, and you can do the 360. But it's really to reach out to like, 10 of your colleagues and say, What five adjectives would you use to describe me? What like, what do people say about me when I'm not in the room? You know, what skills or talents Am I known for, and asking the people that will be honest with you, and then being really open to hearing that. So I think that if we can start developing our self awareness of how we as humans, impact other human beings, early on in our career, I think that really helps us develop that openness to feedback, the openness to take a look at ourselves as we move up into the food chain. This is also why I actually do whenever I do like those personality, things like the disc or predictive index, or Myers Briggs, I really liked those in the sense of, if it can open up people's minds as to understanding the difference between their intention and their impact. I think we can go a long way, just knowing that as you know, an introvert, just because I'm not talking doesn't mean I don't care about you, or you know, as a ad on the desk, just because I'm very direct with you. It doesn't mean I don't care about you. So I think the more we can understand how the how our behaviors may be misinterpreted by other people, I think that can help develop more self awareness. Carley Hauck  32:16   Hmm, loving all this input. Thank you. Yeah. The next area that I wanted to go into, and I love that you said, you know, self awareness, self management are the pieces that you think are really low. And these unconscious leaders, I would also say empathy, and humility, which were two of your strengths, I think they tend to be more of my strengths as well, you know, if you can admit that you're, you got it wrong, you made a mistake. If you can't actually emphasize that empathize with what's actually happening for the other person, then again, you're not going to be able to be a very conscious caring leader. Mary Abbajay  32:53   I agree. I just got a call from a law firm that wants me to help them teach their mid mid career associates how to give feedback, they said it, can you also teach them how to be more empathetic? Yes, I will try. But things like empathy, like that's a hard thing to teach. Right, Carly? I mean, you can explain it, you can demonstrate it, you can coach them. But that is kind of at some point, don't you think that empathy is a choice like that you must in some way choose to look at something from someone else else's perspective. At some point, you have to choose to whether or not you want to appreciate their experience or their so I'm curious to hear from you. Like, how do you teach empathy? Carley Hauck  33:40   Great question. Well, in chapter two of my book, which is the inner game of emotional intelligence, I talk about, you have the inner game, which is the self awareness and self management, and then you have the outer game. So when those are cultivated, then you're able to have more social awareness, which is oh, what might be happening for this person. And then number four is the relationship mastery. So those are actually the four facets of Dan Goleman emotional intelligence, however, like they really pertain to the inner cultivation, and then what shows up on the outside, but what, what I would say is, as far as helping people build empathy is that it's really helpful if you have them think about someone that they care about. So just imagine that this person is going through this right now. Like it could be their sister, it could be their daughter, it could be their mother. And once you bring it into somebody in their sphere and circle that they care about, it's much easier for them to then have empathy even for the difficult person. But you I would say start with someone they like first or you know, to build that empathy muscle and then you can start to expand it out even to have empathy for the difficult person because ultimately, it's that difficult person is just hurting, they're wounded, they've had trauma, right? They're not either so conscious of it, or they are conscious of it. But they're still a messy human. And so I can have compassion for their wounding, for their hurting, and also hold really strong boundaries around how I'm going to be put in the line of fire, and also call on allies. You know, this is one thing about managing those more toxic leaders in the eye 100% agree with you, you have to get out this is going in a different direction. But I had wanted to say this earlier, I had just forgotten, I think it's super important that we also find our allies, you know, in the workplace, that are practicing the same kinds of leadership skills, because who we surround ourselves with, is actually going to influence us the most. And if we can have a buffer of people that are validating our experience, that are also able to say, Hey, I had that experience with this person, too, then HR would feel more empowered to do something, right. It's called activating Mary Abbajay  36:10   your support network. That's how I refer to, but you know, but HR is only empowered as much as they're empowered. So we have to be really clear, I don't want to give people false hope, if you go to HR, your problems can be solved. It really depends on how much power HR has and who the toxic person is. Because there's also the whole whistleblower thing, like I could tell you horror stories about people that have went gone to HR and just made things worse for them. So it's really you gotta know, before, before anyone goes to HR, you really need to check out how well your HR has handled situations like this in the past, right? So ask around a little bit. But you know, it's funny, we're talking about empathy around like that. I teach that all the time, when I'm telling people to manage up as well, like, exactly like this person, this boss was a micromanager or this boss that's doing this are annoying you, you know, think for a minute, what's going on for them, right? Or think for a minute, I often do this make for men, the last time that you micromanage somebody, or the last time that you did behavior that you weren't proud of, you know, and that that can help kind of get people out of the amygdala hijack. Because what happens when we're dealing with difficult people, we get very frustrated, very fight or flight, you know, and so you got to get out of that in order to be able to make good choices. Carley Hauck  37:27   Definitely. Well, let's go into an example of a difficult manager and how we might manage ourselves and then manage up. And I also just want to share as I was reading through your book, and there's there's so many different manager types. I could relate more strongly to a few of them. And I'm bringing this up because in the chapter where we talk about the seagulls, which is the oh, goodness, sorry, the the nitpickers in the seagulls. Yeah, as I was, as I was actually reading through the nitpicker, because that comes first and then we go on to the seagulls. I love to the distinction that you put in is that the nitpickers are really about perfection versus the micromanagers are about control. But I'm springing this up because I could see how my team at times has thought of me as a nitpicker. Oh, sure. Because I have a high bar for excellence. Mary Abbajay  38:30   You know, the thing is, we've all done all these behaviors. We've all done them. All right, if you've worked long enough, but we don't judge ourselves as these things right? The circumstances, you know, so yeah, so the nitpicker so micro managers are about control. You're right. So most micro managers tend to be nitpickers. But not all nitpickers are micro managers. Because a nitpicker is the person that's going to nitpick small things for perfection. They may be important things or they might be minor things, you know, but they're probably gonna let you do your your gig your stuff, and then they're gonna swoop in afterwards and nitpick so I can be a nitpicker to my team will tell you that I nitpick their slideshows. That thought Saglie I don't like that graphic. I don't nitpick the content, which is the important thing, right? I have a certain visual I want. So yeah, understood. So if you have a nitpicky boss, it's really important to find out like what they care about, like, you know, like, is it the font? Is it the format? Is it the color? Is it the use of the Oxford comma or no Oxford comma, you know, so don't resist what the nitpicker was, and choose your battles wisely. You know, if you're just and be prepared for it. So if you know that your boss is going to nitpick something, then give them a draft an early draft and let them nitpick the early draft. Find out ask them questions ahead of time is the particular font you want is Is there a format you prefer? You know, what kind of graphics marry do you think would be great for this slideshow? That sort of thing? So find out, I was working with this law firm and this, we're doing a Managing Up course in this first year associate, you know, they have no power, first year associate comes up to me and says, Mary, I need your help. The Managing Partner won't use the extra comma. How can I give him that feedback that he's wrong? It's like, you know what you don't. If he doesn't want to use the extra comma, that's not a battle that that's not a hill, you want to die on your first year. So you have to pick your battles wisely. When it comes to the debt with nitpicker, and then ask questions like find out, you know, so Carly, why do you like things this way? Tell me about your preference for this. Because the more you can learn about what your boss cares about, the more you can figure out how to make things are more in alignment. Now, of course, we're not talking about things that are unethical, or things that are bad or wrong. We're talking about nitpicky things. Carley Hauck  41:04   Well, what I tell my team too, is like, if you're not clear on what I am actually asking for, then don't just do it and get it wrong. Because then I'm gonna go and tell you, you need to redo it. Like if there's even an wrinkle of I don't know if this is right, just text me call me asked me. Let's have a conversation. Because otherwise, it's annoying for you. And for me. Yeah. So, but that one, I just happen to bring it up because it's such a good one. And I bet everybody can relate to that one. But it's in the same chapter. Let's go into this. Because there's two kinds because there's Mary Abbajay  41:40   two kinds. Yeah, there's all seagulls swoop, people all seagulls swoop, you have a sweeper and a pooper and a super, and a scooper. So the swooper and pooper swoops in our project has been hands off, they swoop in, and they poop all over it. Like they just are like, this is awful. This is awful. Damn, why were you guys doing it, I know what you're doing. And they just, you know, Crusher ready. And then they swoop right back out, leaving like doctress of like bad feelings and, you know, crushed hearts and souls. So that's the Super and pooper, then you have the swooper and scooper. And this is the boss that you know, assigns you a project, and then all of a sudden they swoop in and they take the project away for two for their own, they take it away, and they put their name on it. And you've worked hard on it. And suddenly it's away from you, and you are really bummed out. So those are the two different kinds of seagulls. Carley Hauck  42:34   I really appreciate that. So I had this idea that perhaps, you know, we could roleplay this. So let's say that I have a boss that is a super. And I was working really hard on Unknown Speaker  42:45   pooper scooper. Carley Hauck  42:47   As a scooper. Unknown Speaker  42:49   He's super super. Carley Hauck  42:50   Yeah, thank you. So the seagull have a boss us swoops in, and scoops in. And it's a project I've been working really hard on, I'm presenting it to senior stakeholders. And then all of a sudden, they act like it's theirs, they take credit for it. Yeah, as I think about that, I would get triggered. That would be something that I really have to spend a little more time self managing myself my reaction to not take it personally. Yeah, to understand my motive or their motivations. And then therefore to advocate for myself, how would you coach me to manage up in that scenario, especially with senior stakeholders? Mary Abbajay  43:42   Yeah, so there's a couple of things with the you know, with the CIO, there's the scooper, that's gonna steal the credit. And then there's just a scoop of this gonna take over the project. I mean, they're kind of similar, but they're a little bit different. Like, they might actually take over the project and still give you some credit as they finish it. So the first thing I would say to you is, you know, is this a pattern? Like, is this a pattern that this boss does frequently? Or infrequently, they would ask you to kind of look for the patterns, like, as there are certain types of projects that they swoop and scoop on? Are there certain, like what's going on in the culture that makes them like this project suddenly has probably gotten to be high visibility, right? So I asked you about the pattern, so that you can anticipate it. The other thing I'd say is, you know, are you keeping this person in the loop on this, like, Did this person Scoop it because they didn't know how, where it was? Or are they scooping it because they didn't know where it was? And they want to take the credit for it. So then I would want to ask you around like, what, and part of this would also rely on what kind of a boss this person is. Could you have a conversation with this boss about this? Could you go in and say, you know, Hey, boss, I was really disappointed that not gonna be able to work on XYZ project or, you know, I'd really like to get some feedback on my piece of the project. Was my performance not satisfactory, just curious as to, you know what it was? Why, why I'm no longer working out, I tried to avoid saying why you took it away from me. But find a nice way to do that. No, Carley Hauck  45:20   I think leading with curiosity, when you're not in a triggered place is really great. Like, Oh, I wonder why did why did that end up being put on your calendar and not mine anymore? sense it in that way? And Mary Abbajay  45:36   that's something really important when you're not in a triggered state. Carley Hauck  45:40   Yes. Yes, I have a whole framework on triggers, which I'll actually leave in the show notes, because I have to practice it all the time. Yeah. And I think in order to manage up, we have to manage ourselves. Yep. Mary Abbajay  45:54   And then the last thing I'll say about the scooper is, you know, even you know, anticipate this for the next time that they're going to scoop it. But sometimes, if you keep them in the loop, and you see see other people, especially other people that this project is impacting, it's gonna be a lot harder for them to steal the credit if other people know you're working at it. And the last thing I'll say about this is, of course, then you can also when it's all done, you can also go back in and say, I would love to know how that project turned out. How are my pieces, so you can like, get some feedback and like, post thing. And then lastly, and I can't live, we're gonna suggest this, I might deny it. You know, this is what the gossip mill is for. And I don't mean bad mouthing your boss, but make it known, make sure people know, your contribution to this project. You know, like, if you ever run into his boss, and in the elevator or her his or their boss and elevator, and they say what you've been working on, you can say, you know, what, I was really lucky enough to work on that pesky project that my boss handed in, it was really exciting. And I really liked the opportunity to support that project. Don't take all the credit. But you can also do some backdoor self promotion on that. Carley Hauck  47:02   I love that. So holding people accountable by you know, really having all the stakeholders in the same email thread, transparency, and then also just speaking aloud your contribution with other folks and other stakeholders. I think that's, that's really great. Mary Abbajay  47:19   And then finally, you know, if your boss does this a lot and steals credit a lot. Then you may not be he she or they may not be the right boss for you. Because occasionally, you know, because some bosses say, you work for me, your ideas are my ideas. Right. So that's kind of the old school bossiness. You know, the 20 century boss. And if that's not your thing, and I don't blame you, it's not my thing, either, then you, you, maybe you need to find a different boss. Because if you're not getting what you need, as professional as a human being, if you're not being valued, if they don't find you valuable, and your ideas, then there's no shame in quitting like, find something was find a place where people do value you and they do find you valuable, and you get what you need, emotionally, psychologically, intellectually and fulfilling in your career. So you have a scooper and it drives you crazy. Get a new boss, get new jobs. Yeah, those are all really give yourself permission to quit. Uh huh. Carley Hauck  48:19   Yeah. So I've got two last questions for you. Okay. A lot of people are, you know, looking for new roles and new jobs they're interviewing, I am in that boat right now, I'm just going to put myself in the ring interviewing, you know, new potential supervisors for my for my new internal role. What are some things that I can be assessing to figure out? Who is this person, like, what kind of a boss are they going to be? And what's difficult about this, Mary, is that I will have one conversation with this person to be able to say, I'm the right candidate for you. And we may have a half hour, we may have 45 minutes. So ultimately, I'd love to be able to have further conversations, because I'm interviewing them as much as they're interviewing me. And I'm putting myself, you know, in this in the eye position, but I really want this to be in service of everybody that's thinking about this. Mary Abbajay  49:12   Yeah. You know, this is a hard one, I'm much better at telling you what to ask once you get in. But here's what I'm gonna say it for this. First of all, if you're going in person, right, if you're going into a physical office to interview with that person face to face, which I think happens still occasionally, mostly virtual days. But if you do get to go visit, physically, trust your gut, like trust the vibe you feel in the office, because Aska not only tell you a lot, it's gonna tell you a lot about the culture. What do people look like? Are people smiling? Did it look happy? They look stressed. So that sort of thing. So trust and trust, like the vibe you get from someone physically, also trust whatever vibe you can get virtually, although it's a little bit harder. I would ask questions like, you know, tell me about your best employee who's really successful here. What are you doing? Just priorities for your team. So I'd ask things like that. I would say, you know, what drives you crazy about about? I said, what drives you crazy about your employees? Or what are your biggest pet peeves? And you can learn a lot about from people ask about their pet peeves. I would also ask them, What do you like best about being a manager? Hmm, Carley Hauck  50:20   that's a great question. Mary Abbajay  50:22   What do you like best about being a manager? It's hard, because the really the really toxic bosses are just going to be lying. But I would say tell me about your greatest. Tell me. Tell me about if you want to find out about their work life balance, you know, tell me about how you encourage work life balance or? Or how or how do Carley Hauck  50:41   you set boundaries? Yeah. Between work things like Mary Abbajay  50:45   that are really great. Right? What what questions have you been asking? Carley Hauck  50:51   Well, I have been asking great question, some questions when I have an opportunity, because sometimes they don't leave you any room to ask a question. So then I follow up with questions. But I'm always asking them, you know, what is the what is the personality style that's going to be most complimentary with you. And the team is great. And then I also ask, you know, what does success look like in this role in the first three months, in the first six months, in in the first year, because then I know if I'm going to either flop on my face, or if this is going to be a place, I can really bring my best value, and create success, which is what I want, which is what they want, which is Mary Abbajay  51:32   what they want. You know, the other thing you can do, the other thing you can do is you can you can say, Hey, would it be possible for me to talk to another team member? To learn about that? Or do you want to be a little more devious, I don't think is devious. Because you know, you're about to commit, maybe commit to these people. You could literally reach out to somebody Carley Hauck  51:51   done that with other people in the company. What's the culture? Like? Who you Yeah, Mary Abbajay  51:56   what do people say about this boss and things like that? I think that is totally fair game. If you don't know anybody at the company. That's what LinkedIn, that's what LinkedIn is for. cyber stalking. But I think the more I think, you know, I so when I interview for people, people, I actually, I really insist that they talk to my team first. And, and I, my team knows that they, they are really clear about who I am. And they're really honest with with with the people, and then they will come to me and say, Yeah, this person is not for you, or you're gonna love this person. And they're gonna love you. So I really like it when you went hiring bosses, let the team talk to the people too. Carley Hauck  52:39   Well, and then pretty much all the feedback you gave would also the things that you could be assessing in the first 90 days, but also just having more direct conversations with this person, you know, to see, okay, there's going to be certain things that aren't going to work well. But how can I adapt? Right? And and how can how can we have this be a win win for both of us? Mary Abbajay  53:00   That's exactly right. That's exactly right. You because yeah, and hopefully, and by the way, if anyone's looking for work life balance, and you say, you know, what's the culture here, and the boss, the hiring person says to you, oh, we work hard, and we play hard. That's a high work culture. Carley Hauck  53:20   Well, and the other part of your book, which I think is really helpful, too, is that you're able to assess your strengths and your weaknesses, and also what kind of boss you're going to vibe with and best. And so again, this comes back to self awareness, like, you know, own own your, your parts, and then find the right fit for you. Because not everyone is going to be the right fit. Mary Abbajay  53:47   You bless your heart, you are 1%, right, you know, what we tend to do is we all tend to like the way we operate. So when people operate differently than us, then we tend to get really frustrated and make them you know, make us the victim and make them the perpetrator. And the truth is, there are some people like my favorite boss might be your worst nightmare. You know, your favorite boss might be someone else's worst nightmare. And so really be able to own your own piece of the puzzle is really important to be honest with yourself about what what kind of person you are and what kind of person you're going to work well with. And what you might need to do more of less of or differently in order to work well with the boss that you've decided to work for. Carley Hauck  54:25   For sure. And that comes back to the self management, right is owning your reaction to whatever's happening, because because you're the only person that can change that reaction. Mary Abbajay  54:38   Yeah, because we only have control over ourselves. We don't control anybody else. But I do have some questions that you can ask once you start, okay. By the way, if anybody wants these questions, they can just email me because you're gonna put that in the show notes or something reach out to me or find me on LinkedIn. Yes, Carley Hauck  54:53   your LinkedIn will be in the show notes and your website. Mary Abbajay  54:57   And these are really basic questions, but I'm telling you Guys, they work so much. And managers love it. They always know they should be having these with you. But if they don't things simple things like What's your preferred mode of communication? Yeah. How do you like to be approached regarding an issue or challenge or a problem? How often do you like to meet as a team or one on one? Is the question you did before? What does success look like to you defined top performer? How often do you like to be updated? And projects? How do you like your updates? Like I like updates, but I want to be kept in the loop not in the soup. So I have a couple of people on my team that are really detail oriented, and my eyes glaze over. isn't done? That's to my mind. If you had a perfect team member, what would that person look like? What are your top priorities? What the biggest pressure is on you or the team right now? How can I best support you? What do you find annoying about working with others? And then always say, What can I do more of less of a definitely to work well with you? And what else do I need to know about working well with you always say what else and just have this conversation 15 minute conversation, I call it the preferences, priorities and pet peeves. This way, you're going to cover not only their work style, but like what's important to them, what they care about how they like to work, and it's going to be a good conversation. And I will also say this, as Carly and I were saying not everybody's very self aware, take their answers, but also measure them against how that you actually see them behaving. Like what they say, I'm very communicative. I love pop in meetings, and you know that they don't you see the behavior, the doubt. So take what they say, but don't treat it as gospel to actually see that behavior. Carley Hauck  56:44   I love all of those. And being that, you know, I bring a lot of coaching into the work that I'm doing. I've brought in actually a lot of those questions to support leaders, you know, to have conversations with their direct reports and with their supervisors. But then after you get those answers, what I think is even a really good next step is that one, you're writing it down, you repeat back what you heard them, say, so that it's actually correct. And then you create an agreement. So I hear you want me to do this, this and this. And then you say, well, on my side, I'd really love and you request which you need, and then you create an agreement, and you're probably going to make some oops, so then what's your accountability to come back to the agreement that you just had, you know, and this is where psychological safety and trust is built. But this, these types of questions, I think are essential in your one on ones, but also in the team. There's so many teams, senior leadership teams that I get asked to come in, and they haven't done any of them. They don't know how your team wants to work. So how are you even? How are you delivering on projects, y'all? Mary Abbajay  57:56   You know, I love that because I think I think, you know, this is a partnership like employee and leaders partnership. And I love that you are helping the leaders ask these questions downward as I'm helping the employees ask them upwards, because it is a conversation that both should have. And I always say to my folks, you know, hopefully once you ask your boss these questions, they'll turn around and ask you the same questions and listen to them. And it's always makes me sad when someone emails me back and says, You know what, I had this great conversation with my boss, I asked this person all these questions, but they didn't ask me a single one. I was like, wow, that's sad. That's a missed opportunity from that boss, Carley Hauck  58:35   for sure. But this is how we change it. Right? This is this is when everyone's talking about human centered people first. Yeah, you start with connection, Unknown Speaker  58:44   you start with the people. Carley Hauck  58:48   How to Care for this person? Who is this person? How are we going to collaborate? Well, Mary, this was amazing. Thank you. Again, I just love this conversation. And again, everyone, this book is fabulous. And I love all those questions. So you so is there anything else you want to leave folks with? Mary Abbajay  59:07   I just want to say you know your work, you spend so many of your waking hours at work. I truly believe those should be great hours, there should be hours where you can use your mind, your heart, your creativity, your passion, they should be hours that that you that you find valuable and that add to your life, not detract your life. So if you have a bad boss, or you're in a bad workplace experience, do what you can to get a better workplace experience. You deserve it. You deserve it. You only live once and your work should be a bonus to that and nine detractor for your life. So good luck. Thank you, Carly. This was so awesome and get Carly's book people and leader stop being jerks out there. I have I have a presentation that call that's called your team hates you and here's why. Carley Hauck  59:54   Oh wow. Mary Abbajay  59:57   Your direct boss is not being jerks and start Reading current Carly's book. Carley Hauck  1:00:03   Yeah. Be the the leader that others will never want to leave and want to follow. Right? That's right. That's the opportunity right now. Thank you, Mary. Thanks, Carly. Let me summarize some of the key points of the interview before we go and give you some action steps you can put into place today. First, manage yourself. Before we can manage up down or laterally, we have to be able to know what is happening inside our bodies, when to speak and when to be quiet. We want to be the calm in the midst of the storm. And there is emotional contagion, whether you're working from zoom, or you're actually in person, people can feel and sense where you might be in your body. And so navigating your triggers, you'll find a free meditation in the show notes that you can utilize. There's also lots of wonderful practices in my book, on how to be a conscious leader. And there is a very effective framework on navigating triggers. In fact, this topic is one of the most highly sought out team building sessions that I offer with senior leaders. And additionally, the nine leadership capabilities that Mary and I spoke about before, which is this validated framework that I've developed in the last decade. self management is key to that competency. There is also a team building workshop that I am doing in partnership with Team Rothery. And this is also in the show notes. And it's called from trigger to triumph. So if you're interested in that, you can book that with your team. I do that with a lot of teams. Second, manage down, up and laterally. With Remote distributed workforce, we need to begin to have conversations that invite people to share what their preferences for communication are, when they might actually work best during the day, which could be really different. It might be that they take a longer break at lunch, because they want to go exercise and they were up really early hour they've got child care. Find out with your team and your supervisor, how people work best, what is going to actually help them collaborate, communicate with you the best. Third, invest in learning and leadership development for everyone at the company. This is one of the best ways that you can create a whole healthy organizational culture. And we know that culture eats strategy for breakfast. In the conscious leadership programs that I have designed and developed for some really amazing companies, I have validated metrics to showcase that empathy goes up 74%. That's one of the most sought after leadership competencies in our workplace right now. Psych psychological safety goes up by 47% internal mobility engagement goes up by 20 to 30%. And I have many more incredible results that I could share with you. If you're interested in having me partner with you. For an internal director above learning leadership and culture role I am interviewing now for the right boss, team and company to join. I am so excited about this opportunity to serve a thriving organizational culture, please feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn. Number four, if you are in a truly toxic environment with a harmful and unconscious boss, definitely check out Mary's book, there's a lot of really wonderful ways to manage up, and also resources. I also recorded a podcast on this topic a few years ago. And if you go to the shownotes, you'll see it's how to coach a harmful and unconscious leader. There are tips and strategies and as Mary and I spoke about can't change the person. So you do need to leave but before you leave, find your allies. And if it feels safe to do so speak up so that this behavior and this person can be held accountable and so that the hurt and harm doesn't continue. And also so that this person gets help and they get actually taken out of their people leader role. This person is not equipped to lead people. They would be better served to just navigate with technology, or potentially take some time off to do some deep for healing. And the last thing I'd like to preface is that we all are navigating individual, collective and intergenerational trauma. And it's really important as we come together and really create what can be a healing organization that we are trauma informed, and especially in the people function of HR talent, and the chief people officer, we need to know what the signs of trauma are, and also where to give people resources and help. Please reach out to me to have a conversation on this. There's a lot of resources that I have on this topic and other really great people to connect to you to. Again, Mary is amazing. Mary, thank you so much for your service and your leadership. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends, family, or colleagues. We're all in this together and sharing is caring. If you have any questions, comments or topics you would like me to address on the podcast, please email me at support at Carley hauck.com And finally, thank you for tuning in and being part of this community. We have several wonderful future shine podcast episodes, so make sure you don't miss any and until we meet again, be the light and shine your light  

For this episode, I am thrilled to have the author of one of my favorite books, Chris DeSantis. Chris is the author of the phenomenal Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work. In addition to being a great author, Chris is an expert in his field with so much experience with global brands in understanding the changes we're currently seeing in the workplace. Now, more than ever, there are more generations working at the same time. It is such an interesting topic and very timely. In our conversation today, Chris shares the differences between people of different generations, what they expect from the workplace and the changes we will continue to see over time. What We Talked About in This Episode: Chris's background and expertise The timeliness of his book's topic Bringing clarity to a complex issue The differences between the upbringing of each generation The impact of Gen Z on the workplace The mistakes we make regarding the judgment of generations The pitfalls of a hierarchy business model for younger employees What we need to offer to attract a new workforce Chris's advice for a leader in this situation right now Chris's book recommendations and daily rituals About Our Guest: Chris De Santis is a speaker, author, consultant, and most recently podcaster specializing in Management and Organizational Development issues and interventions. He specializes in assisting individuals or groups in identifying and overcoming obstacles to effectiveness. He brings with him thirty-eight years of experience in training and development. He has an undergraduate degree in business from the University of Notre Dame, a graduate degree in Organizational Development from Loyola University in Chicago, an MBA from the University of Denver, and previous work experience in manufacturing, professional services, and not-for-profit environments. Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work is the culmination of speaking on or about this topic over the past fifteen years. You can also listen to his advice podcast, “Cubicle Confidential” along with his co-host, Mary Abbajay. Connect with Chris Desantis:  Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work by Chris DeSantis Chris DeSantis Home Page Chris DeSantis on LinkedIn Connect with John Murphy: LinkedIn Twitter YouTube Facebook If you liked this episode, please don't forget to subscribe, tune in, and share this podcast. Thanks for tuning in!

So, you're in a new job. Do you know how to set healthy boundaries? This week on New Here, we learn why it's important to set your boundaries at work from day one – and how to do it. Host Elainy Mata talks with her own therapist about how boundaries come into play at work, how to define them for yourself, and how to handle the discomfort you feel when a colleague crosses your boundaries. Then Elainy and her work friends Dustin Brady, Jhymon Moodie, and Cheyenne Paterson discuss her therapist's advice and share what they've learned about how it feels when boundaries get crossed at work. Have a career question? Let us know at NewHere@HBR.org. Key topics include: communication, difficult conversations, work-life balance, mental health, careers. Read More:· How to Spot a Bad Boss During an Interview (Sara Stibitz)· Ask an Expert: What Should I Do If My Boss Is Gaslighting Me? (Mary Abbajay)· The Right Way to Give Negative Feedback to Your Manager (Tijs Besieux)]]>

As a skill, managing up can do more for your career than simply 'networking' ever could—and this episode shows you how. Learn to manage up and achieve success in the workplace with any type of boss with leadership coach and author, Mary Abbajay.Weekly Newsletter Sign-Up: http://bit.ly/37hqtQWFollow Career Contessa: http://bit.ly/2TMH2QP Mary's Email: mary@careerstonegroup.comCommunication Worksheet: https://bit.ly/3Ojy5bIManaging Up Book: https://managingupthebook.comEpisode Perks:This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Zocdoc: Go to zocdoc.com/CONTESSA and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

IN EPISODE 141: Life would be so much easier if it weren't for other people, right? Learning how to deal with difficult people - especially when they're your boss - can be a gut-wrenching, angst-ridden experience, but it doesn't have to be a career killer. In Episode 141, Mary Abbajay shows us how to manage up without falling down. You'll learn how to identify and work alongside two distinct workplace personas, how to spot and maneuver around three dominant personality types, and why you shouldn't leave your success to someone else. Whether your boss is a micromanager, ghost or flat-out narcissist, Mary has practical tips to help you become a career victor, not victim. ABOUT MARY ABBAJAY: Mary Abbajay is president of Careerstone Group, which provides talent and organizational development solutions for business and government. She's also the author of the best-selling, award winning book, Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Forbes, Financial Times, the Wall Street Journal and other major outlets, and she's the co-host of the weekly workplace advice podcast, "Cubicle Confidential." LINKS: Twitter: @maryabbajay LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mary-abbajay-managingup/ Instagram: @maryabbajay YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/maryabbajay Websites: www.careerstonegroup.com | www.managingupthebook.com Podcast: http://cubicleconfidential.com

In 2019, I looked good on the outside. My insides, another story. More like a Jenga tower ready for one wrong move, and splat. That's when I met Mary Abbajay. Matter of fact. Full of and vinegar and those words, "You know, nobody is gonna save you" Today, years later I still credit her, her words to my ability to remove and save myself. Mary is no stranger to toxic bosses and workplaces – having been there herself. This is precisely what led her to writing "Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss," is a practical guide to thriving in any work environment. In addition, she hosts the "Cubicle Confidential" podcast, where she shares powerful tips and strategies for achieving career success. In this episode, we discuss how to: Spot workplace toxicity and taking control of your work experience Taking responsibility for your workplace happiness through managing up Strategies for surviving and thriving in toxic workplaces Rebuilding your career after leaving a toxic workplace Building positive and productive relationships with your boss while maintaining your integrity and dignity Confronting a boss who takes credit for your ideas and diminishes your efforts while effectively managing up On the market and ready to get results NOW? Join the 30Day Blast on May 3rd Why? In just 4 weeks, you'll gain the tools, strategies, and confidence to make a successful career transition. Additionally, we've priced this program affordably, so you can invest in yourself without breaking the bank. This is not just another program; it's based on the success of over a hundred clients from a private executive network. They did the work, and achieved exceptional results and you can too. Join the 30Day Blast on May 3rd For hidden job market insider tips and stories subscribe to Loren's newsletter here: "Out of Hiding" Newsletter Connect with Mary: Website: https://careerstonegroup.com/ Email: mary@careerstonegroup.com Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cubicle-confidential/id1575418679 Twitter: https://twitter.com/maryabbajay LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-abbajay-managingup/ Book: https://www.amazon.com/Managing-Up-Move-Work-Succeed-ebook/dp/B07BB4QFDF Connect with Loren: Website: https://www.portfoliorocket.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lorengreiff/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/portfoliorocket/ Email: Loren@portfoliorocket.com

Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company: https://www.americannegotiationinstitute.com/services/workshops/ Are your colleagues in distinctly different age groups? Are you sometimes baffled or frustrated by their decisions and behaviors? You are not alone. Since the workplace is made up of multiple generations, you are likely to experience generational friction first­hand. But let's be clear: these are not problems to fix. Rather, they are dif­ferences to understand, appreciate, and—ultimately—leverage. Organizational behavior expert Chris De Santis has studied the literature on par­enting, generational research, and the evolving American worker and workplace for decades. This deeply researched book reveals a fresh and easily implemented framework for understanding genera­tional perspectives, explaining when it makes sense to talk about these differ­ences and when it doesn't. In Why I Find You Irritating, you'll learn why organizations need to embrace lop­sidedness as a way of reversing the commoditization of talent while simulta­neously respecting what is unique about each of us. By understanding and appreciat­ing our colleagues, we can reduce friction, increase engagement, and improve both productivity and job satisfaction. 1-Multigenerational Negotiations 2-Hybrid Negotiations Listen to Cubicle Confidential Podcast, hosted by Mary Abbajay & Chris DeSantis on Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cubicle-confidential/id1575418679 cpdesantis.com https://cpdesantis.com/ Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work https://amplifypublishinggroup.com/product/nonfiction/business-and-finance/leadership-and-management/why-i-find-you-irritating-navigating-generational-friction-at-work/ Follow Chris DeSantis on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/cpdesantis/ Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kwamechristian/ The Ultimate Negotiation Guide: https://www.americannegotiationinstitute.com/guides/ultimate-negotiation-guide/ Click here to buy your copy of How To Have Difficult Conversations About Race!: https://www.amazon.com/Have-Difficult-Conversations-About-Race/dp/1637741308/ref=pd_%5B%E2%80%A6%5Df0bc9774-7975-448b-bde1-094cab455adb&pd_rd_i=1637741308&psc=1 Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!: https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Confidence-Conflict-Negotiate-Anything/dp/0578413736/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2PSW69L6ABTK&keywords=finding+confidence+in+conflict&qid=1667317257&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjQyIiwicXNhIjoiMC4xNCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMjMifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=finding+confidence+in+conflic%2Caps%2C69&sr=8-1

Mary Abbajay is a career consultant and president of Careerstone Group, an organizational and leadership development consultancy for business and government. She is also the author of bestselling career guide, “Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.” Nearly a year later, Mary and Mark nailed their predictions about the post-COVID workforce, and reconvene to discuss presence bias, hybrid mentoring, and novel workforce expectations. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Mary Abbajay is a career consultant and president of Careerstone Group, an organizational and leadership development consultancy for business and government. She is also the author of bestselling career guide, “Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.” Nearly a year later, Mary and Mark nailed their predictions about the post-COVID workforce, and reconvene to discuss presence bias, hybrid mentoring, and novel workforce expectations.

What's the difference between being cheap, stingy, or frugal? And when is it a problem at work? How do you deal with In this week's episode, Mary Abbajay and Chris De Santis hear from three listeners who are trying to navigate the financial failings of others. And as a special treat, they also field a question about an employee's dirty bathroom habits. Yes, Mary and Chris are going to talk about poop...Tune in to hear their answers to:My Boss is a Cheapskate in Chesapeake is embarrassed and a bit horrified at their boss' cheapness. The boss is a skinflint when it comes to tipping and it's driving her crazy. Should she call her boss out on this reprehensible behavior?Bathroom Bandit in Bellevue has an employee with gross bathroom habits. How does one even go about addressing this issue? Help!I'm Poor Not Cheap in Portland is an entry-level employee who enjoys happy hour with his more senior colleagues, but he can't afford their champagne tastes on his beer budget. How can he keep the camaraderie and still be able to pay off his student loans?Pilfered in Poughkeepsie has a business partner that constantly pilfers office supplies like toilet paper, napkins, post-it notes, cleaning supplies—you name it. And they do it in front of employees—which clearly can't be sending a good message. Are they overreacting or is this a problem? We're here to help you succeed! Send us your workplace dilemmas or career questions. Email us: info@cubicleconfidential.com or tweet us: @cubicleconfide1. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent...Thanks for listening! Connect with us on LinkedIn or Twitter!

What's your comfort level with personal disclosure at work? Do you lean more private or more public? Is sharing caring? Or is sharing TMI? When does a lack of sharing become a problem and when is oversharing, well, just too much? In this week's episode, Mary Abbajay and Chris De Santis answer listeners' questions about how to navigate the private-public continuum.There's a fine line between transparency—which can build trust—and oversharing which can diminish trust. Close the Open Book in Chelsea has an employee who clearly overshares. This employee feels the need to bring everyone up to speed on his private life – including clients. He shares his opinions, his family dramas, his personal struggles, his health issues, you name it, there are no boundaries and no limitations on what or to whom he shares. What can the manager do to curb this employee's TMI tendencies?All's Quiet on the Home Front in Raleigh is struggling to get noticed by her design firm colleagues. Her boss tells her that in order to get better projects, she needs to make herself “known” to others at the firm. As a self-described introvert—how can this listener begin building better relationships and letting others get to know her?You Can Take Me Out of Iowa, but Can You Take the Iowa Out of Me just got her dream job at a fancy New York City advertising agency. While she is thrilled and excited, she can't help but feel that being a “country-come-to-town” girl might not be the best image. How does she make a good impression while still being authentic?We're here to help you succeed! Send us your workplace dilemmas or career questions. Email us: info@cubicleconfidential.com or tweet us: @cubicleconfide1. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent...Thanks for listening! Connect with us on LinkedIn or Twitter!

The end of the year is a great chance to create your own Year End Review with your boss. Want a raise, more opportunities, or maybe even a promotion? It's time to start putting the building blocks in place! Join Mary and I as we discuss how to manage those above you, get the recognition you deserve, and advocate for yourself effectively in review meetings. We also talk about great ways to give feedback to those around you. If there's a chance to raise other people up, why not take it?Notes:10:25 Preparing For End Of Year Reviews17:40 Managing The Relationship20:58 Tips For Having Honest Conversations24:44 Keep Them In The Loop Not The Soup29:25 how To Disagree/Correct A Higher Up32:00 Managing A Toxic Boss41:18 How To Get Your Ideas And Thoughts Taken SeriouslyIf you loved this episode you should check out this episodeHow To Speak Confidently At Work With Jessica ChenIf you enjoyed today's episode, please:1.) Sign up for notes at copymyhomework.com for a full list of resources, links and recommendations listed on today's episode.2.) Post a screenshot of the episode & tag me on LinkedIn or Instagram @kimkaupe so we can talk about your favorite parts!3.) Leave a positive review (shameless, but someone's gotta say it right?!)4.) Subscribe for new episodes every Tuesday on your favorite podcast app. Connect with Kim over on the socials!Instagram + TikTok: @kimkaupeLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimkaupe

Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work Are your colleagues in distinctly different age groups? Are you sometimes baffled or frustrated by their decisions and behaviors? You are not alone. Since the workplace is made up of multiple generations, you are likely to experience generational friction first­hand. But let's be clear: these are not problems to fix. Rather, they are dif­ferences to understand, appreciate, and—ultimately—leverage. Organizational behavior expert Chris De Santis has studied the literature on par­enting, generational research, and the evolving American worker and workplace for decades. This deeply researched book reveals a fresh and easily implemented framework for understanding genera­tional perspectives, explaining when it makes sense to talk about these differ­ences and when it doesn't. In Why I Find You Irritating, you'll learn why organizations need to embrace lop­sidedness as a way of reversing the commoditization of talent while simulta­neously respecting what is unique about each of us. By understanding and appreciat­ing our colleagues, we can reduce friction, increase engagement, and improve both productivity and job satisfaction. 1-Multigenerational Negotiations 2-Hybrid Negotiations Listen to Cubicle Confidential Podcast, hosted by Mary Abbajay & Chris DeSantis on Apple Podcasts cpdesantis.com Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn Follow Chris DeSantis on LinkedIn Click here to buy your copy of How To Have Difficult Conversations About Race! Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!

Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work Are your colleagues in distinctly different age groups? Are you sometimes baffled or frustrated by their decisions and behaviors? You are not alone. Since the workplace is made up of multiple generations, you are likely to experience generational friction first­hand. But let's be clear: these are not problems to fix. Rather, they are dif­ferences to understand, appreciate, and—ultimately—leverage. Organizational behavior expert Chris De Santis has studied the literature on par­enting, generational research, and the evolving American worker and workplace for decades. This deeply researched book reveals a fresh and easily implemented framework for understanding genera­tional perspectives, explaining when it makes sense to talk about these differ­ences and when it doesn't. In Why I Find You Irritating, you'll learn why organizations need to embrace lop­sidedness as a way of reversing the commoditization of talent while simulta­neously respecting what is unique about each of us. By understanding and appreciat­ing our colleagues, we can reduce friction, increase engagement, and improve both productivity and job satisfaction. 1-Multigenerational Negotiations 2-Hybrid Negotiations Listen to Cubicle Confidential Podcast, hosted by Mary Abbajay & Chris DeSantis on Apple Podcasts cpdesantis.com Order Now The Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn Follow Chris DeSantis on LinkedIn Click here to buy your copy of How To Have Difficult Conversations About Race! Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!

Work can be stressful enough but what happens when your boss is not just a poor leader but toxic? A toxic boss is not only a bad boss but also a bad human being who thrives on humiliating their employees. It's easy to get trapped working for a toxic boss but chances are, they're there for the long term. How do you know you're working for a toxic boss, and more importantly, how do you leave one?  Mary Abbajay, president of Careerstone Group, LLC, a full service organizational and leadership development consultancy, is here to explain what happens when you work for a toxic boss. Mary explains the difference between a bad boss and a toxic one, how these bosses survive in organizations, and what happens when you work for one. She walks through how you can get stuck working for a toxic boss, the toll on your health, and how to quit one. Mary also tells us her story of working for a toxic boss and what happened when she quit.  For show notes and links mentioned, visit: https://bit.ly/GTIPodcastNotes To sign up for 2 Tip Tuesday, visit: https://bit.ly/2TipTuesday 2 Tip Tuesday is a weekly email that break down podcast episodes into practical resilience tips you can put into action straight away.

Chris Desantis is the author of Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work. In this discussion we talk about those differences and how you can navigate them in both directions! Chris also co-hosts his own podcast, Cubicle Confidential, with his colleague Mary Abbajay. Connect with Chris on LinkedIn at: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cpdesantis/

The ability to engage in “healthy” conflict at work is essential for promoting and encouraging diverse viewpoints. But how much conflict is too much? And what if your team doesn't ever disagree with each other? Is that just as bad? In this episode, Chris De Santis and Mary Abbajay tackle listeners' questions about how to disagree without being disagreeable… Put a Lid on It in New Hampshire has an employee who likes to argue about everything with everyone. His constant contentiousness and criticisms are driving his boss and his coworkers crazy. What can be done? How should his manager approach this situation? Spine Free Zone in Manhattan has the opposite problem. She finds herself leading a team of “yes-men” and it is driving her crazy. She wants her team to engage in more healthy debate—so how does she get them to see the value of sharing different viewpoints?  Six to One Odds in Kansas City is one of six partners in a law firm. She has been tasked to lead the firm in its ESG efforts. The problem? She is the sole black woman in a sea of white male partners who are resisting all her ideas. How can she get them to stop arguing with her and start supporting her?Show us your love. Please give us a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. We're here to help you succeed! Send us your workplace dilemmas or career questions. Email us: info@cubicleconfidential.com or tweet us: @cubicleconfide1. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent...

Mary Abbajay, President and co-founder of Careerstone Group, and Stefan Midford, President and founder of Capango, agree that the workplace is in the midst of a fundamental shift. From the restaurant and retail industry to corporate America, being physically present with colleagues and superiors is essential for career advancement. Don't miss this special mashup episode that compares, contrasts, and predicts the future of work, from two experts who know it best.

Chris DeSantis is a speaker, author, and consultant specializing in workplace interventions. With nearly 30 years of experience as an independent organizational behavior consultant, Chris is a trusted partner to some of the world's largest companies in the professional services, tech, and pharmaceutical industries. When working with clients, his goals are to dig deeper, treat the root causes, and offer user-friendly solutions aligned with company initiatives.  Before becoming an independent consultant, Chris was the Director of Management Development and Training for the American Medical Association and a Human Resources Development Manager at Brunswick Corporation. Chris has a BBA from the University of Notre Dame, an MA in organizational behavior from Loyola University in Chicago, and an MBA from the University of Denver. Chris is the Author of Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work. He's also the Host of the Cubicle Confidential podcast, where he and Co-host Mary Abbajay share advice on outrageous workplace questions, comments, and concerns. In this episode… When it comes to generational differences, we're all generalizing and fitting each other into categories — because it makes society easier to navigate. Based on these generalizations, we develop perceptions of others and judge them through the lens of who we are. However, these perceptions often cause friction in the workplace. So, what can you do to maneuver generational challenges? Chris DeSantis says we need to embrace the differences. If we want to get rid of generational tensions, we should reserve judgment, think rationally, and give people the benefit of the doubt. We're all complex human beings whose experiences and characteristics amount to more than just a generational category.  In this episode of The Lawyer's Edge Podcast, Elise Holtzman is joined by speaker, author, podcaster, and consultant, Chris DeSantis, to talk about strategies for navigating generational differences in the workplace. Chris discusses where generational characteristics are derived, advice for accepting other generations, and how embracing differences can help create more diverse, collaborative workplaces.

After two years of wearing our dress shirts with pajama bottoms, it's time to dress up for work again. Which for many of us, means the reappearance of the fashion crisis. Just exactly what does “business casual” really mean?  And can I still wear my yoga pants to work?In this week's show, Chris De Santis and Mary Abbajay help listeners navigate the new rules of office dress-up. Hint: the days of mullet dressing are over…Dapper in Delaware wonders if he is just a bit too well dressed for the office. Should he tone it down a bit?Dis-Dressed in Silicon Valley hates the bro-culture hoodie look in Silicon Valley. Does dressing like a teenager equal “business casual?”Well Suited in Syracuse thinks his people are dressed too casually for the office. Is it time to institute a dress code?Show us your love! Please give us a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. We're here to help you succeed! Send us your workplace dilemmas or career questions. Email us: info@cubicleconfidential.com or tweet us: @cubicleconfide1. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent...

Chris De Santis shares helpful insights about each generation and how to work more effectively across ages. — YOU'LL LEARN — 1) How to turn generational friction into an opportunity 2) How to give feedback that works for every generation 3) How to motivate people from every generation Subscribe or visit AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep768 for clickable versions of the links below. — ABOUT CHRIS — Chris De Santis is a speaker, author, consultant, and most recently podcaster specializing in Management and Organizational Development issues and interventions. He specializes in assisting individuals or groups in identifying and overcoming obstacles to effectiveness. He brings with him thirty-eight years of experience in training and development. He has an undergraduate degree in business from the University of Notre Dame, a graduate degree in Organizational Development from Loyola University in Chicago, an MBA from the University of Denver, and previous work experience in manufacturing, professional services, and not-for-profit environments. His book, Why I Find you Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work, will be available in May 2022 but until then you can listen to his advice podcast, “Cubicle Confidential” along with his co-host, Mary Abbajay. He resides in a quiet corner of Lincoln Park in Chicago. • Book: Why I Find You Irritating: Navigating Generational Friction at Work • Website: CPDeSantis.com — RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE SHOW — • Book: Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind by Geert Hofstede • Book: Delta Of Venus by Anais Nin • Book: Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Mary Abbajay is the Author of the best-selling book Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. She is also the President of Careerstone Group, a full-service organizational and leadership development consulting agency that provides facilitation, training, consulting, and coaching services to businesses and government entities. Mary is a highly-regarded author, speaker, consultant, and trainer, helping clients develop the strategies and skills needed to stimulate professional and personal excellence, growth, and success in the 21st-century workplace. She is also the Co-host of the workplace advice podcast Cubical Confidential and is a contributor for television, radio, and print publications, with her work and advice appearing in the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, and Forbes, among others. In this episode… Are you a junior staff member on your team who feels like your boss isn't valuing your ideas? Are you a senior member of your team feeling dissatisfied with your job? Mary Abbajay is a trusted author and consultant with over 20 years of leadership experience. As a former bar and grill owner, her background helped her launch Careerstone Group, an organizational leadership consulting firm focused on helping companies create effective and productive workplaces. Now, Mary is here to make sure that you can take control of your own career. You'll learn tips on maintaining a positive workplace attitude to manage relationships, make professional decisions, and communicate effectively, straight from her best-selling book Managing Up. In this episode of the Lead Like a Woman Show, Andrea Heuston joins Mary Abbajay, Author of Managing Up and President of Careerstone Group, to discuss personal workplace authority. Mary talks about maintaining control of your career, how to navigate professional relationships effectively, and how to persist in your role.

Mary Abbajay is a career consultant and president of Careerstone Group, an organizational and leadership development consultancy for business and government. She is also the author of bestselling career guide, “Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.” On this episode of What's Working in Washington, Mary discusses the future of post-pandemic work, explains how to advance your career in a work-from-home environment, and provides tips on building a successful career when faced with a difficult boss.

Let's talk about money. In this episode, Mary Abbajay & Chris DeSantis discuss why talking about money is so taboo and they answer listeners' questions about how to get paid. If you want your work to show you the money, then this episode is for you.  Exhausted in El Paso is frustrated because they are being paid less than their colleagues--how can they get what they are worth? Is this an example of gender pay disparity? First Time Raise in Racine asks for advice on how to ask for her first raise! Chris lays it out and tells Racine how to get their boss to show them money! Tentative About Transparency in Tucson is an HR manager who is tasked with implementing a pay transparency policy at their tech firm. Is this a good idea? How can organizations do pay transparency well?  Show us your love! Please give us a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Send us your workplace dilemmas or career questions. Email us: info@cubicleconfidential.com or tweet us: @cubicleconfide1. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent...

Name: Mary AbbajayCurrent title: President & CEOCurrent organisation: Careerstone Group LLCMary Abbajay, author of the award-winning, best-selling Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss is the president of Careerstone Group, LLC, a full service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions to business and government. As a sought-after author, speaker, consultant, and trainer, Mary helps clients develop the strategies, skills, and sensibilities needed for success in the 21st century. Mary is a frequent expert contributor for television, radio, and print publications where she provides practical leadership and career advice. In addition to her role as a Forbes.com contributor, her work and advice have appeared in the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, The Financial Times, Money Magazine, Monster, CNN, CBC, and the BBC. Mary is also a co-host of podcast "Cubicle confidential". Here's the link to her podcast- https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cubicle-confidential/id1575418679Resources mentioned in this episode:Free Download of The Leadership Survival Guide (10 World-Class Leaders Reveal Their Secrets)The Leadership Conversations PodcastThe Jonno White Leadership PodcastThe Leadership Question of the Day PodcastClarity Website7 Questions on Leadership SeriesWe'd Love To Interview YOU In Our 7 Questions On Leadership Series!Subscribe To Clarity's Mailing ListJonno White's eBook Step Up or Step OutJonno White's Book Step Up or Step Out (Amazon)

It's hard out there for working parents--especially for working mothers. Mary Abbajay and Chris DeSantis tackle listeners' questions about balancing the duties of parenthood with career goals. "Bundle of Nerves" wants to know when the right time is to tell her boss that she is pregnant. "Kid Proof" is annoyed that their boss' kid is constantly derailing team meetings. "Mom's the Word" struggles with the uneven playing field at work between working mothers and working fathers. Chris DeSantis recommends these books to help working parents:Unfinished Business: Women Men Work Family by Anne Marie SlaughterWhat Works for Women at Work by Joan Williams and Rachel Dempsey.  What Works, Gender Equality by Design by Iris BonnetForget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor by Sylvia Hewlett.If you have workplace dilemmas or career questions, send them to us! Email us: info@cubicleconfidential.com or tweet us: @cubicleconfide1. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent...

In this week's show, Mary Abbajay and Chris De Santis address listeners' questions around overblown expectations and dehumanizing work.  Flaming Out worries about unrealistic expectations once they return to the physical office. Big Brother is Watching is creeped out by the fact that their employer uses spyware to monitor them. Dumping is Not Delegating is miffed about doing their boss's work. If you are tired of feeling like a cog, this episode is for you.If you have workplace dilemmas or career questions, send them to us! Email us: info@cubicleconfidential.com or tweet us: @cubicleconfide1. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent...

In this special episode, Cubicle Confidential goes live to answer workplace questions from a bunch of lawyers! The Legal Counsel for Leadership Diversity invited Mary Abbajay & Chris De Santis to provide workplace and career advice to lawyers while playing the “Hybrid” workplace drinking game. What could go wrong?If you have workplace dilemmas or career questions, send them to us! Email us: info@cubicleconfidential.com or tweet us: @cubicleconfide1. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent...

Hear about workplace trends in the ongoing pandemic, as well as tips for at home & in office work options, from author and consultant Mary Abbajay. Info: www.careerstonegroup.com

On this episode, Mary and I talk about the challenges of working in a hybrid organization and how we can manage up in a number of new circumstances. Mary Abbajay, author of the best-selling Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss is the president of Careerstone Group, LLC, a full service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions to business and government. As a sought-after author, speaker, consultant, and trainer, Mary helps clients develop the strategies, skills and sensibilities needed for success in the 21st century. Mary is the co-host of the weekly workplace advice podcast, Cubicle Confidential and is a frequent expert contributor for television, radio, and print publications where she provides practical leadership and career guidance. Her work and advice have appeared in the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Forbes, The Financial Times, The Wall Street Journal, the Huffington Post, Money Magazine, Southwest Airlines Magazine, CNN.com, Monster, CNBC, and the BBC. Email: mary@careerstonegroup.com Phone: 202-965-1144 Twitter: @maryabbajay LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mary-abbajay-managingup/ Instagram: @maryabbajay YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/maryabbajay Websites: www.careerstonegroup.com | www.managingupthebook.com Podcast: http://cubicleconfidential.com

Ken Landau talks with Mary Abbajay, President of the Careerstone Group and the author of "Managing Up," about options for lawyers and other professionals as they "fall back to working in the office."

Most of us are stuck in cubicles (at least when we're physically in the office these days). Workplace expert Mary Abbajay delves into the rules of engagement for surviving cubicle culture.  Mary is the co-host of the podcast, Cubicle Confidential, which you can find here. I found this podcast and really appreciated the kind, yet firm advice Mary and her co-host deliver to solve everyday problems, which y'all know I'm all about. She also authored a book, Managing Up, available wherever books are sold. Get your copy here.

In this episode of Beltway Broadcast, your Metro DC Chapter of ATD hosts Mary Abbajay. Mary is an acclaimed public speaker, organizational consultant, and corporate trainer. She is the president of Careerstone Group and the author of the best-selling Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. In this episode, Mary explains why managing up is good for you, your boss, and the organization as a whole and discusses how to build real relationships with people who have influence over your career.  If you'd like to learn more about Mary, visit her website. To download Manage Up Conversation Template, go to Manage Up Conversation Template and Tips. For more info about the Metro DC Chapter of ATD, visit DCATD.org.  Episode Credits: Series Announcer: Julie Waters Hosts: Christina Eanes, Stephanie Hubka, Laëtitia Gnago, and Halyna Hodges

Today we discuss what Prop 12 is and why bacon lovers are worried. Also,  what to do if your company wants to be like a family and you've got boundaries; we all got those here! Plus, what is compassion Fatigue and why it's impacting conversations around those who are unvaccinated, and so much more! Let's go there!    Special Guests:  Dr. Michael Saag - Physician, Infectious Diseases expert, Professor of Medicine Director, UAB Center for Aids Research author. Kelly Vaughan - Staff Writer for Food52. Mary Abbajay - workplace expert, leadership consultant, and author of Managing Up: How to Succeed with Any Type of Boss. Dr. Chavi Eve Karkowsky, a high risk doctor and author in New York City. Her new book, "High Risk: Pregnancy, Birth and the Unexpected". Brian Dunning - Science writer, host and producer of the Skeptoid podcast and the author of seven books on scientific skepticism.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Climbing the corporate ladder.For many professionals it's an ongoing goal. Raises, bonuses, awards, and industry-leading successes. Those are the boxes that millions aspire to check off. But even more employees don't achieve the success they seek because of they don't know how to navigate the landmines that come with dealing with the person in the corner office.As the President and Co-Founder of Careerstone Group, a woman owned consultancy focused on leadership and development, Mary Abbajay guides success. Her book is called “Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.”In this episode, Ms. Abbajay arms readers with savvy advice for improving their relationship with their boss and getting the most of out of their job without “kissing up” or stepping on toes.Careerstone Group websiteRead more about Mary AbbajayFollow us on Twitter @speakgoodpodCheck out our blogGot an episode idea?

Chris DeSantis and Mary Abbajay announce the July 7th launch of Cubicle Confidential: Weekly Advice for the Working Stiff.

In this episode, Mary talks about her book(Managing Up) which equips readers with blueprints and practical tools for increasing the odds of successfully working with different types of bosses we'll inevitably encounter. Mary Abbajay is an organizational and leadership development consultant, trainer, author, and keynote speaker dedicated to helping people develop the strategies, skills, and sensibilities needed for success in the 21st century. She is also the president of Careerstone Group, LLC, a full-service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions to business and government. Find out more about Mary Abbajay: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-abbajay-managingup/ Twitter: @maryabbajay Website: https://careerstonegroup.com/ Check out the book Managing Up by Mary Abbajay on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Managing-Up-Mary-Abbajay/dp/8126577703

Welcome to Real Job Talk, Mary Abbajay! Mary is a speaker, consultant, and trainer who works with managers and teams to create productive workplaces. She also teaches at the university and post-graduate level, speaks at numerous conferences, and is an active volunteer. Mary is the CEO of the Careerstone Group, and the author of Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BB4QFDF/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1). Mary wants to make the world a better place by making the workplace a better place. We asked Mary what the biggest challenge has been in the workplace over the last year, and she talks about how teams, managers, and companies weren’t prepared for remote work. Many people figured out how to manage up when they were in the office, but were lost when everything went remote. Bosses changed their approaches and life became complicated. In the beginning of the pandemic, Mary taught managers some skills about remote work such as learning how to manage with results and staying connected. She saw that managers didn’t know how to juggle everything and also manage remotely, and she reminds us to have empathy for our managers too. Managing up isn’t about sucking up and licking boots. It’s about managing that relationship and making sure it’s working well for you, your boss, and your organization. Keys to managing up: understanding the manager has influence over our career, and we can’t change them. People who manage up well understand that adapting how we react to others is an empowering skill. You know The Golden Rule - treat others how you want to be treated. For managing up, try The Platinum Rule -- learn how others like to be treated and then do that. When you give others what they need, it builds trust. Read your boss and how they communicate in order to figure out what will work best for them. Things to look for in your boss: are they focused on tasks or the big picture, do they have a fast-paced or slower work style, and do they like sharing a lot of info or just the highlights. Once you’ve assessed their style, you need to decide how you can and want to adjust. Mary has a conversational template for preferences, priorities and pet peeves….it’s your job to have it with them to build a shared framework for how the relationship will work. LCLD Manage Up HO_2020 You can have a check-in with them using this doc individually or as a team. Learning about them will change the dynamic of how you work together. How do you get better at managing up? First, have the conversation. Train yourself. See who is successful with the boss, and observe them ask them what works. A little of self-awareness, responsibility, and be willing to share new things grows this skill like any other. Mary tells a great story about a micromanager boss and how she changed their dynamic by reading her and how to best work with her Never assume that your boss knows what you’ve accomplished, are working on, or how valuable you are. It’s on YOU to show them how fabulous you are. Keep them in the loop and stay on their radar. Give until they tell you they don’t want it. Big rule: use that cc unless your boss doesn’t like it. The power of the cc is to have your boss know what you’re up to, but also to keep them in the loop so they aren’t caught unaware. Talk about work boundaries, your environment, and if and how you need help with flexibility. There are different types of bosses with keys to each: The “Normal” Boss. This category covers most poeple, whether they are introverts or extroverts, and across different management styles, like advancers, harmonizers, and energizers. The keys to an normal but introverted boss are to be proactive, stay on their calendar, tell them what you want to talk about, and give them time to speak. Manage your chatting….it drives them nuts! The key to an normal "evaluator" boss: they love details and accuracy. Learn to love the details and have the facts when you meet with them. “Difficult” bosses come in different styles, like micromanagers, impulsive boss, seagull boss, ghost-boss, work-a-holic, and “friend boss.” The key to micromanagers is to over-communicate and show them that you will do things the way they want you to. They need to get what they need. “Toxic” basses are those who humiliate, debase, abuse, bully, or are narcissists. Bad people who create toxic work environments. The main key to a toxic boss is to: 1. Get out! You can’t change an asshole, a narcissist, or a bully. Get out. If you find yourself working for a narcissist, you do need to be a kiss ass until you get out, but you have to determine how long you can do that and you protect your professional image. Remember they will raise themselves by pulling you down. In general, managing up is about finding the right strategy that will work with “this boss.” Mary has a great talk on YouTube about successfully working remotely (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZDKYyYOLC0). She advises to stay on the radar, invite your boss for a virtual, meaningful coffee. Ask your boss their preferred communication channel, and USE IT. Ask for feedback on what’s working well and not well, and ask if they’d like to see you change something, and tell them what you think would help. Stay positive and show some concern for your boss. Stay away from negativity and complaints without actions or suggestions Being a complainer is a drain and will do nothing for your career. We asked about working with someone who is fundamentally different from us (e.g., an extrovert working with an introvert). Mary's advice: bring your best authentic self that the situation calls for and build the muscles that will push you to work with others. As always, you need to manage yourself first before you manage others You are the CEO of your career. The book: Managing Up: How to Move up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BB4QFDF/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) LinkedIn Course: Managing Up as an Employee (https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6727341929207496704/) Twitter: https://twitter.com/maryabbajay Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-abbajay-managingup/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryabbajay/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maryabbajay Company: Careerstone Group (https://careerstonegroup.com/)

Mary Abbajay is the President of Careerstone Group, LLC, a full-service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent development solutions to business and government. Mary has over 20 years of leadership experience and is a frequent contributor to print, radio, and television publications such as Forbes, The New York Times, and the BBC.  In addition to this, Mary currently serves on the Greater Washington Market President's Board of BB&T Bank and is a past Chairman of the Board for Leadership Greater Washington. She is also the author of the best-selling book, Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. In this episode… Do you get along with your boss? If not, how much do these workplace relationships impact your career trajectory? And, what are some strategies to start improving your communication with your managers—especially if you're working remotely? While there's no blueprint for workplace relationships, getting along with a boss may be more important for your career than you think. With over 20 years of leadership experience, Mary Abbajay is an expert in all things managing up. As she says, the people above us have a huge amount of influence over our workplace opportunities and success. Today, Mary's here to outline everything you need to know to have a better relationship with your boss and start managing your way up in your organization. On this episode of The Lawyer's Edge, Elise Holtzman talks with Mary Abbajay, the President of Careerstone Group, LLC and author of the best-selling book, Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. Mary discusses the concept of managing up and shares her tips for dealing with difficult bosses, avoiding toxic workplaces, and communicating effectively while working remotely. Stay tuned!   

Managing Up is Not Sucking Up I'm joined by Mary Abbajay to talk about her book entitled Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed With Any Type of Boss. It’s a great read and in today’s discussion, you’re going to learn specific strategies for dealing with different types of bosses. Learn more about Mary and her company at ManagingUpTheBook.com/. Let's Stay In Touch! I hear from listeners almost every day and I love it! How about you and I connect on LinkedIn? Go to https://PeopleAndProjectsPodcast.com/LinkedIn and Follow me (I've maxed out the connections but if you Follow me, I'll Follow you back!) Thank you for joining me for this episode of The People and Projects Podcast! Talent Triangle: Leadership   Funny Adventures by WinnieTheMoog Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/6048-funny-adventures License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license The Final Battle of Superheroes by WinnieTheMoog Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/7418-the-final-battle-of-superheroes License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license The Company Way scene from How to Succeed in Business Without Even Trying (1967), available on YouTube at youtube.com/watch?v=SKC8iPeIvEA

A few years back I started surveying business leaders to get their perspective on the role of the EA and how their EA enabled their leadership and effectiveness. The results continue to be interesting. In this episode I share a couple of the insights. Interestingly whilst leaders SAY they want their EA to demonstrate leadership traits, significantly less respondents agreed with statements that bear out what it LOOKS like for an assistant to be treated as part of the leadership team. This disconnect is something I know many of you will not be surprised by. To share this survey with your business leader go to: https://lizvanvliet.typeform.com/to/aLOWjz I would love to get more responses to add to my research. The survey incorporates ideas from Adam Fidler's EA Manifesto which you can read here: https://adamfidler.academy/blog/2017/6/21/the-ea-manifesto-what-i-am I interviewed Adam for the podcast back in 2017 (Episode 26 and Episode 27) In today's episode I also mentioned the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, Managing Up by Mary Abbajay and Attention Management by Maura Thomas. 

Best-selling author and leadership development expert Mary Abbajay joins The Accidental Trainer podcast host Lisa Spinelli to discuss a variety of "normal" and "bad" boss types. How do you deal (and thrive) with an introvert, impulsive or even the dreaded micromanager boss? Mary has the answers as well as when to stop managing up and start speaking out.  Resources Careerstone Group, LLC (Mary's company) Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss on Amazon Mary's ATD author page  

Today it’s our pleasure to introduce you to Mary Abbajay. Mary is the president of Careerstone Group, LLC, a full-service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers talent and organizational development solutions to business and government. Her work and advice have appeared in the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, Forbes, The Financial Times, and she is the author of the best-selling book, “Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss”. In this interview, Mary and I are going to discuss "How to Manage Your Manager". Bonus Project Management Paradise is brought to you by Cora Systems. Learn why Cora Systems has been named as a Representative Vendor in Gartner’s 2020 Hype Cycle for Project and Portfolio Management by downloading a complimentary copy of the Hype Cycle at corasystems.com/hype Feedback We’d really appreciate it if you could take a moment to leave a review via your podcast app or you can email your comments or guest suggestions to hello@projectmanagementparadise.com

In this episode of Partnering Leadership, Mary Abbajay, President Careerstone Group and author of Managing Up, talks about her story of resilience, journey to leadership transformation and becoming a successful consultant and author.Some highlights:1. How Mary Abbajay overcome her insecurities despite having Bell's Palsy 2. Lessons learned from owning and managing a bar 3. Struggles with selling as a consultant4. Leading change at Leadership Greater Washington5. Tips on approaching challenges in organizations6. The story behind Mary Abbajay’s Managing Up book7. Having Imposter syndrome even with all the successMentioned in this episode:Book AuthorsAdam GrantBrenee BrownBook RecommendationThe Art of Possibility by Benjamin ZanderPodcastsHow we made this Hidden BrainTed Talks Connect with Mary Abbajay:Careerstone Group Managing Up The BookLinkedin: Mary Abbajay Twitter: @maryabbajay Facebook: @maryabbajayInstagram: @maryabbajayConnect with Mahan Tavakoli:MahanTavakoli.comMore information and resources available at the Partnering Leadership Podcast website: partneringleadership.com

Sponsored By: Show Notes [00:01:11] Ari tells us what nextTick is and Tessa tells us about the differences between local and global versions. [00:03:43] Ari and Tessa tell us scenarios they’ve run into as far as needing nextTick. [00:08:26] Ben is curious about “chaining” in nextTick. Tessa explains this and she also mentions her talk she did at VueConf US 2019, where she broke down a bunch of different ways to nest nextTick. [00:13:06] As far as nextTick goes, Ben wants to know if this is something that Ari and Tessa would recommend people only reach out to when things start to be inconsistent or when should someone use this? [00:18:55] Ben wants to know if nextTick is used improperly can it cause performance issues or not quite? [00:23:54] Tessa wonders if Vue3 comes out, if she follows the style where her JS is at the top of her single file component and open it, she will see at the top what props it accepts and also what events that she has decided this component will emit? [00:26:20] Ari and Tessa give some final tips about nextTick stuff. Sponsor: Linode (https://promo.linode.com/vue/) Picks of the week: [00:28:53] Tessa has two picks: Douglas by Hannah Gadsby on Netflix and Managing Up by Mary Abbajay. [00:30:55] Ari has two picks: Queer Eye-Season 5 on Netflix and Queer Eye-We’re in Japan! on Netflix. [00:33:26] Ben’s has three picks: An OXO Good Grips Silicone Pastry Mat, Tessa, who has provided some really great picks and finds for him this week which is Hey.com and Working in Public: The Making and Maintenance of Open Source Software by Nadia Eghbal. Resources mentioned: VueConf US 2019-Back to the Vueture: Stuck in the Event Loop by Tessa (https://www.vuemastery.com/conferences/vueconf-us-2019/back-to-the-vueture-stuck-in-the-event-loop) nextTick (https://vuejs.org/v2/api/#Vue-nextTick) Douglas-Hannah Gadsby (https://www.netflix.com/title/81054700) Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss by Mary Abbajay (https://bookshop.org/books/managing-up-how-to-move-up-win-at-work-and-succeed-with-any-type-of-boss/9781119436683) Queer Eye-Netflix (https://www.netflix.com/title/80160037) Queer Eye: We’re in Japan!-Netflix (https://www.netflix.com/title/81075744) OXO Good Grips Silicone Pastry Mat (https://www.oxo.com/silicone-pastry-mat.html) Hey.com (https://hey.com/) Working in Public: The Making and Maintenance of Open Source Software by Nadia Eghbal (https://nayafia.substack.com/p/22-working-in-public)

Ken Landau speaks with author, management expert, and President and CEO of the Careerstone Group, Mary Abbajay, who explains how both managers and their teams can adopt to the new challenges in the workplace. She also offers other free workshops and is the author of "Managing Up."

Ken Landau speaks with author, management expert, and President and CEO of the Careerstone Group, Mary Abbajay, who explains how both managers and their teams can adopt to the new challenges in the workplace. She also offers other free workshops and is the author of "Managing Up."

The quality of the relationship with your boss has a major impact on your career, satisfaction and even your overall wellness and health. And yet, it’s much easier to find advice and guidance on how to be a good boss than on how to manage a relationship with one. In this episode, Mary Abbajay, the author of the best-selling Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. shares how you can take control of your career by managing up.  Episode Highlights Here are some of the themes that we explore in this conversation: Why so many people still have terrible bosses The unique nature of the relationship between a boss and a team member What’s at stake when you are not managing the relationship with your boss The boss spectrum: from the unicorn boss to the toxic boss The three choices we have when faced with a difficult situation Why people tend to spend 30% more time working for toxic bosses than for good bosses Key principles to managing your boss really effectively How to avoid being delusional about who we are and who our boss is How to give feedback to a boss that has a negative impact on the team’s culture How to deal with a micromanager

The current pandemic has forced many leaders and their teams around the world out of offices and into virtual workplaces. Many are trying to transition to working from home for the first time, while also managing a workspace that now includes their families as well as a slew of new technology. Thankfully, Mary Abbajay, president of Careerstone Group, is saving the day with a host of tips and tricks for both managers and employees on navigating these tough times. Mary is a sought after author, speaker, consultant, and trainer helping clients develop the strategies, skills, and sensibilities for success no matter what comes their way, resulting in people looking to her leadership during this unprecedented global crisis. In today’s episode, Mary touches on some things to consider as companies transition to working from home, as well as five foundational platforms that bosses should be setting up. She talks about possible traps that both managers and employees may experience while in a virtual workplace, like overworking, social isolation, and lack of trust that work is getting done. Mary shares tips for fostering connection in virtual teams such as virtual happy hour and daily team and one on one check-ins. She explains how conference calls can be less painful, and how her process of managing up still works in a virtual workplace. Finally, she leaves us with tangible action steps for both employees and wellness professionals. This episode is sponsored by Health Enhancement Systems (HES).  I’m thrilled to announce HES is launching a new emotional well-being campaign called Work of Art on May 1. I’ve been anticipating the release of Work of Art for a while and I’m implementing it for a client later this year. Be sure to check it out at myWorkofArt.com.  HES has agreed to award 1 FREE Work of Art implementation to a Redesigning Wellness podcast listener. This is the only place you can get the address and enter the random drawing, go to hesonline.com/jen and register. The winner will be announced Friday, May 1! Enter here for the Work of Art giveaway from Health Enhancement Systems For full show notes and links mentioned visit https://redesigningwellness.com/ To join the Redesigning Wellness Community visit: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rdwellnesscommunity/

“Look at who your boss is; understand how they operate—don’t judge; understand how you operate; and then assess the gap.” —Mary Abbajay, organizational and leadership development expert and author, Managing Up Most leadership books focus on how to manage the people who report to you. But equally important is how you manage your boss. (And […] The post How to Manage Your Boss appeared first on The Conferences for Women.

As The Boss, you probably have a lot of power.  So much power that your direct reports might feel power-LESS.  That's not good.  Our guest today is Mary Abbajay and she's the author of Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.  Mary is going to tell us how to manage OUR boss which is advice for you too.  Then, she'll tell you how to be more approachable so your employees can better communicate with you.  Mary is a lot of fun and full of energy.  I heard her speak at a conference recently and she knows her stuff.  

As an HR professional, you may feel a bit powerless as you work with your Boss.  That's not good.  Our guest today is Mary Abbajay and she's the author of Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.  Mary is going to tell us how to manage OUR boss which is advice I'm sure you'll find very useful and practical. Mary is a lot of fun and full of energy.  I heard her speak at a conference recently and she knows her stuff.  

In this episode, Mary Abbajay, author of Managing Up, discusses how you can improve your relationship with your boss by figuring out their workstyle and then adapting your workstyle to better match his or hers. You’ll hear: How to tell whether your boss is an introvert or extrovert – and what to do with that information. What the four common workstyles are – and how to work with each. How to improve your relationship with your boss by adapting to his or her workstyle. Email: mary@careerstonegroup.com Twitter: @maryabbajay LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mary-abbajay-managingup/ YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/maryabbajay Instagram: @maryabbajay Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maryabbajay (@maryabbajay) Websites: www.careerstonegroup.com | www.managingupthebook.com Sara can be reached on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. Leave a review:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/advice-to-my-younger-me/id1101880566

How do you conduct effective workplace meetings that employees won’t hate? Employment consultant Mary Abbajay tells iHeart Radio’s Bernie Lucas how to design meetings & conference calls that are engaging & improve productivity. INFO: www.careerstonegroup.com

In this episode of Quit Bleeping Around®, awesome superachiever, author, and former FBI violent crime analyst and senior manager Christina Eanes interviews Mary Abbajay. Mary is the author of the best-selling book Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss and president of Careerstone Group, a full...Read More

Mary Abbajay is an author, consultant, speaker, trainer, and former bar owner and adjunct professor. Her career trajectory is a great example of how life’s experiences will prepare you for entrepreneurship and leadership.•Her best-selling book, Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss, is a MUST-READ. Yes, every woman leader should read this book. Why? Because as a leader and employee we have to be adaptable to our work environment.•Plus, we talk about bad bosses and how you can evaluate whether it is time to Manage Up or look for a new opportunity. •You can also watch the chat on Facebook and listen to it on iTunes, and Google Play. Be sure to follow Mary on Twitter and Instagram: @MaryAbbajay. #LifewithChelsi #ChatswithChelsi

Hour 1~5:00 PM EST: Mike Fitzpatrick, Cyber Security Expert, Founder & CEO NCX Group Security talks, "Convenience or Security, Which Matters More?".Hour 2~6:00 PM EST: Mary Abbajay, President & CEO, Careerstone Group LLC talks "Managing Up and How to Deal with Difficult Bosses"

Hour 1~5:00 PM EST: Mike Fitzpatrick, Cyber Security Expert, Founder & CEO NCX Group Security talks, "Convenience or Security, Which Matters More?".Hour 2~6:00 PM EST: Mary Abbajay, President & CEO, Careerstone Group LLC talks "Managing Up and How to Deal with Difficult Bosses"

Hour 1~5:00 PM EST: Mike Fitzpatrick, Cyber Security Expert, Founder & CEO NCX Group Security talks, "Convenience or Security, Which Matters More?".Hour 2~6:00 PM EST: Mary Abbajay, President & CEO, Careerstone Group LLC talks "Managing Up and How to Deal with Difficult Bosses"

75% of people say their boss is the most stressful part of their workday. Couple that with the fact that 56% of American workers claim their boss is mildly or highly toxic boss, then poor management becomes a serious obstacle to employee wellbeing. Today's guest, Mary Abbajay, provides valuable insight into the many facets of a bad boss. Mary is the president of Careerstone Group, LLC, a full service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions to business and government. She’s also the author of Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss.   In this interview, Mary defines a bad boss, the ramifications of reporting to a bad boss and the difference between a bad boss and a toxic boss. I ask Mary how you make companies aware bad bosses are a problem without putting them on the defensive. Mary also tells us her own bad boss story and leaves us with tangible tips for both managers and wellness pros who may want to broach this subject in their organization. You’re Invited to our Encore Webinar: If you’re still on the fence about joining our training, Rebecca and I are hosting an Encore Webinar, “The Critical Steps to Increase Your Impact and Influence as a Wellness Professional” on January 17th at 2 pm EST. Register HERE. Many health promotion efforts are stuck in an old paradigm, operating on outdated thinking or flawed assumptions. This webinar will separate myth from reality – and jump start your path to confidently bringing your organization into the next generation of worksite wellness. You’ll leave with valuable insights and practical takeaways on how to increase your influence in your organization You can register for the webinar HERE. For links mentioned in today's episode visit  http://bit.ly/Redesignpod To join the Redesigning Wellness Community, visit https://www.facebook.com/groups/rdwellnesscommunity/

Mary Abbajay,President of Careerstone Group, LLC and author of Managing Up. A must read for surviving and moving up in organizations. Mary currently serves on the Market President's Board of BB&T Bank and is past Chairman of the Board for Leadership Greater Washington where she also chaired and led the adult Signature program, the Youth Leadership Program and the Rising Leaders Program. She was a volunteer mentor for Mentor's Inc., an urban youth mentoring program and served for six years on the Board of Directors of the Woolly Mammoth Theatre and was president of the Adams Morgan Business Association. Mary earned a master's degree in organizational management from Fielding Graduate University in Santa Barbara, CA. and a degree in organizational development from Georgetown University's Organizational Development Program and the Coaches Training Institute. She earned a bachelor's degree in English from Kenyon College. In 2010, Mary was named as one of Washington Business Journal's Women Who Mean Business and was a Smart CEO Brava Award Recipient in 2017.

Sue hosts Mary Abbajay, President and Founder of Careerstone Group, LLC, a woman-owned professional development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions. Mary brings 20 years of experience in leadership positions, a Master’s Degree in Organizational Management, and post-graduate certificates from Georgetown University and the Coaches Training Institute. She has served as adjunct faculty at George Mason University’s School of Management and has taught at both Montgomery College and the Georgetown University Center for Professional Development. Mary is the host of “Women Talk” and a regular contributor on “The Working Life,” two iHeart Media radio shows broadcast in the Washington, D.C. area. Mary was named as one of Washington Business Journal’s Women Who Mean Business and was a Smart CEO Brava Award recipient in 2017. Mary is the author of the new book, Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss. Mary and Sue discuss: + Why managing up is a skill you need + How to get along with any boss + How to increase organizational trust + How to manage your own professional success

Working for someone you believe is a bad boss is extraordinarily difficult. Some people stay in these awful situations, others leave in search of a more satisfying work environment. But before you start floating your resume, consider Mary Abbajay’s simple advice.

In a recent New York Times interview, Mary Abbajay, the author of “Managing Up, How to Move Up, Win at Work and Succeed With Any Type of Boss,” gave these examples of three types of bad bosses. Are you reporting to one of these?

You have the choice to take your career seriously. Mary Abbajay is the author of Managing UP and joins Kevin to discuss how leaders, at any level, can develop strategies so you win and your boss can win. Managing Up is not about sucking up. Managing Up is about relationships, leadership, and followership. Mary shares information about different boss types and real-world examples to bridge the gap and collaborate.

Bill Horan talks with Mary Abbajay, author of “MANAGING UP.” Mary will discuss what she means by "managing up," what are the 3 choices you have in any situation, how to know if your boss is an "innie " or an "outie," why you should follow the "platinum rule” of treating others as they would like to be treated, and what are the 4 common workplace personalities?

Bill Horan talks with Mary Abbajay, author of “MANAGING UP.” Mary will discuss what she means by "managing up," what are the 3 choices you have in any situation, how to know if your boss is an "innie " or an "outie," why you should follow the "platinum rule” of treating others as they would like to be treated, and what are the 4 common workplace personalities?

Mary Abbajay, expert on leadership management and career development and author of Managing Up: How to Move up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Boss, discusses how writing a book can give entrepreneurs and leaders access to a wide range of opportunities they couldn't otherwise achieve.

If “I quit” pops into your head at work, listen to this interview for reasons to quit, reasons not to, the right way, when to do it and other tips, as told to iHeart’s Bernie Lucas by employment consultant Mary Abbajay. Hint: be professional and don’t burn bridges.

Adapting Your Work Style to Any Type of Boss—ECEO044 Mary Abbajay, President of Careerstone Group You may not be able to choose your bosses or clients, but you CAN choose the way you interact with them. Rather than letting ego get in the way and communicating the way YOU prefer, it’s in your best interest to gain an understanding of […]

Toxicity from your work environment can spill over into every other area of your life. It can really suck the wind out of your basic human right to happiness. Mary Abbajay says managing up isn’t about sucking up but taking control and creating the work culture you desire. Mary is the CEO of Careerstone Group and delivers organizational development solutions to workplaces. You know the effect your work environment can have on your health. The most popular day for heart attacks is Monday, because people dread going back into a work environment they hate. Don’t allow your challenge of having to provide food, clothing and shelter rob you of the life you deserve. Achieving balance, contentment and even happiness requires change. This Monday, take the tips Mary gave us in the interview and give Managing Up a try.

How do you conduct effective workplace meetings that employees won’t hate? Employment consultant Mary Abbajay tells iHeart Radio’s Bernie Lucas how to design meetings & conference calls that are engaging & improve productivity.

We’re all too busy; so take time to hear tips & techniques for effectively dealing with busy work lives; goals, priorities, self-management. Employment expert Mary Abbajay gives iHeart Radio’s Bernie Lucas all the info.

Good boss? Bad Boss? Hear about a strategy to improve your relationship with the boss. Career consultant Mary Abbajay gives iHeart Radio’s Bernie Lucas the details.

Mary Abbajay, author of “Managing Up,” offers solutions to succeed in your professional life, no matter what kind of manager you have. Read more: https://mackinstitute.wharton.upenn.edu/2018/managing-up-mary-abbajay/ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Mary Abbajay shares how to manage up, understand who your boss is, and adapt to different personality types.   You'll Learn: One tiny, yet powerful, thing you can do to differentiate yourself from 99% of employees Obstacles to managing up Strategies for dealing with difficult bosses   About Mary: Mary Abbajay is the president and co-founder of Careerstone Group, LLC, a woman-owned, full service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions to the public and private sectors. She currently serves on the regional Market President’s Board of BB&T Bank. She was Chairman of the Board for Leadership Greater Washington where she led the adult Signature program, the Youth Leadership Program and the Rising Leaders Program.   View transcript, show notes, and links at http://AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep275

Mary Abbajay shares how to manage up, understand who your boss is, and adapt to different personality types.You'll Learn:1) One tiny, yet powerful, thing you can do to differentiate yourself from 99% of employees2) Obstacles to managing up3) Strategies for dealing with difficult bossesAbout MaryMary Abbajay is the president and co-founder of Careerstone Group, LLC, a woman-owned, full service organizational and leadership development consultancy that delivers leading-edge talent and organizational development solutions to the public and private sectors. She currently serves on the regional Market President's Board of BB&T Bank. She was Chairman of the Board for Leadership Greater Washington where she led the adult Signature program, the Youth Leadership Program and the Rising Leaders Program. Items Mentioned in this Show:Sponsored message: Abby Connect answers your calls when you can't.Mary on Twitter: @maryabbajayWebsite: Careerstone GroupBook: Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale HurstonCompany: Toledo LoungeThe Pomodoro TechniqueView transcript, show notes, and links at http://AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep275. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

People spend a lot of time worrying about whos managing them, but less about managing up.

Mary Abbajay shares how to manage up, understand who your boss is, and adapt to different personality types. Mary Abbajay is the president and co-founder of Careerstone Group, LLC, a woman-owned, full service organizational and leadership development cons