The Mildly Alarming Podcast

The lads return with important news about the nature of podcasting. Then it's off to the races with Wrong About Books segment about Jo Furniss's lovely novel, All the Little Children. Plus an ad for a chair, and some other stuff, too! Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the duck farm, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are too many bills, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 58632: “Are Badger Bites Venomous?” An informational pamphlet from the office of the Prime Minister Segment 1: Wrong About Books - "All the Little Children" by Jo Furniss Spoilers start at 13:40 and end at 37:18. Episode Sponsor: Fartsorbent Office Chairs Music in this episode: "Meanwhile in Bavaria" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

After a long absence, the boys return to tell you all about their Protospiel escapades, in an episode rife with references to people who are completely unaware of how many nicknames they have. Revel as we tell you about prototypes that we got to play with, but you never will. Plus an all-new Mildly Alarming Theater. Also, this whole episode was broadcast from inside a huge clown. It doesn't come up, but you probably want to keep it in mind. Cold Open: Hideous Vats of Saliva Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the cave where Patrick Stewart goes instead of aging, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is an autographed 8 by 10 glossy, thank you Mr. Stewart, loved you on Star Trek, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 846: When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie That's Excruciatingly Painful Segment 1: Protospiel 2017 Retrospective Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Chicken Monster and Dave

This is an episode of the podcast. It has a first segment, and a second segment. There are also some funny joke commercials. Please enjoy responsibly. Intro Gag: Comin' to you live from the MEAT-ing room, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a conference table made of ham, and this is the mildly alarming podcast. Episode Bacon Chairs: The Whiteboard is Steaks because the room is all meat, it's a meating room, like a meeting room but with meat, get it Segment 1: Board Games Based On Video Games Here's that GamesRadar article we talked about Episode Sponsor: ThickPins Segment 2: Themeballin' Here's that video (and an article with pictures) about the new Chernobyl containment structure Outro Gag: SuperTies Music in this episode: 'Electrodoodle' and 'Voice Over Under' by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

This week, in the book review segment of their board game podcast, the boys review a video game. Because we live in a world of uncertainty, and you could die at any second. LIKE RIGHT NOW! Or maybe a different second. Watch out. Intro Gag: Comin' to you live from the Good Ship Cupcake, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a substance wholly unsuited to being a boat, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Threef: Pro Nography - A Study in Holiday Drink-Based Image Capture Segment 1: Wrong About... Video Games? - Firewatch Spoilers start at 13:02 and never end. Actually. Firewatch Official Website Firewatch on Steam To the Moon on Steam Dear Esther on Steam The Stanley Parable on Steam Episode Sponsor: The How-ta-do Show with Leon and Beardy Paul Music in this episode: "Cowboy Sting" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Q: When is a Mage also a Knight. A: Only when you can Ranged Attack 3 by using a white mana token on your Swiftness card to knock out a werehorse before it can kick you. That's right, kids: we talk about Mage Knight this week, and then have another round of Elephant v. Library. Adventure! Excitement! Hot, creamy dog barf! The Mildly Alarming Podcast. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the Jungle of Hair, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a man called The Juicebeard, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 90210: The Tragedy of Sir Roland Cruspick Twun and His Many Dogs Segment 1: Game Review - Mage Knight As promised, here is an image of some Mage Knight monster tokens. Witness their arcane iconography! Episode Sponsor: The How-ta-do Show with Leon and Beardy Paul Segment 2: Elephant vs. Library - Round 2 Remember to vote for the winner on Twitter! Follow the links below for each individual poll. Round 1: Queen vs. Bruce Springsteen Round 2: Darius vs. Maurice Round 3: Dynamite vs. Paper Outro Gag: Skooshy's No-slip Shower Fungus Music in this episode: "Cowboy Sting" and "Comic Hero" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Well, the boys are at it again as they talk about what happens when you click Like buttons (goblins steal your shoes) and also what happens when you combine Settlers of Catan with Time n' Space (goblins return your shoes). Really, the whole thing was just an experiment to figure out what goblins do sometimes. Also: broccoli. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the buffalo farm, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are freshly-sprouting buffalo, far as the eye can see, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 6.8: Well, Heck, You Can't Paint It! Segment 1: Liking Things Is Bad How the Like Button Ruined the Internet Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break Segment 2: Remaking the Game - Settlers of Catan Important Videos on YouTube Warning: We didn't watch all of them. Advance past the first few at your own peril. Outro Gag: Thundermittens

Apparently Tom has given up on writing these episode summaries, so I'm just going to put the lyrics to Hocus Pocus by Focus. Joladadijoladadijoladadijoladadi Joladadijoladadi-jo-o-ooh! Joladadijoladadijoladadijoladadi Joladadijoladadi-jo-o-ooh! Oooooh-oooooh-oooooh-oooooh... Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from aboard a Nantucket sleighride, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are a bunch of dudes who do NOT appreciate Jingle Bells, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 810: My Porcupine is Obese! Segment 1: Mildly Alarming Theatre - Papal Bulls Episode Sponsor: Ear Quotes Segment 2: Themeballin' Outro Gag: Spill-Proof Cup Music in this episode: "Zig Zag", "Deadly Roulette", "Tech Live", and "Bummin' on Tremolo" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0 La Cathedrale De Saint Gall Tuotilo, Hodie Cantandus Est Nobis

This week the boys review Lev Grossman's "The Magicians" and have so much to say it takes up the whole hour, and then some! Do you think they liked it? You'll have to listen to find out. (Hint: They did not.) Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the alphabet uprising, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me is always is the new king and first letter, Q, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Niner: Great Hug, Good Buddy! Segment 1: Wrong About Books - The Magicians by Lev Grossman Spoilers start at 00:13:05 Spoilers end at 01:01:10 Outro Gag: Great Hug!

You know what we all need in these days of strife and weirdness? A happy little night at the theater. You know, some men go on a stage and make sounds, we eat the corn that has popped, some other men put bags on our heads and spirit us away in a black van to wile away our days digging up soup in the soup mines. You know. Normal stuff. Stuff that is in no way weird. Totally. Normal. Stuff. Also, and this is just an experiment: Broccoli. Broccoli. Brocc. O. Li. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from a creepy murder dungeon, I'm Tom Rich and that siren just gave me away, I should probably run, this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast bye! Episode 81: A Visit to the Butt Implant Factory Segment 1: Mildly Alarming Theater Presents - The Elephant in the Room Episode Sponsor: The Sponsor of this Episode Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater Presents - Phone Support Outro Gag: Pants of Holding Music in this episode: "Meatball Parade" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

The boys triumphantly return to talk about alliances for a while: how they work, what they are, and whether or not they qualify for federal subsidies under the Board Game Development and Redistribution Act. Then they're off to a magical land of pony and dog shows to talk about some other things. Plus a guy named Larry Mayonnaise and the hottest review show on YouTube. Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from the ice-pits of Frakrajoon, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a clan of highly-intelligent frost baboons, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 738: ‘Kissing Spiders on the Mouth', and Other Tales from the Boy Scouts Segment One: Partnerships and Alliances Prisoner's Dilemma Wikipedia Article Split or Steal (Prisoner's Dilemma game show thing) Also, turns out I guess we didn't review Two Rooms and a Boom. Check it out here! Episode sponsor: Larry Mayonnaise Segment Two: How to Harpoon Whales and Save Money on Bear Insurance **Outro Gag:**Bad Product Reviews Music in this episode: "Shiny Tech" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

This week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, your hosts review Knot Dice, the new game from Black Oak Games. They also completely fail to avoid the insipid "Knot/Not" joke, and thus consign themselves to comedy hell. Then it's time once again to ball a few themes with Themeballin'. Plus an ad for some sort of animal, and a visit from your favorite news team. Don't miss it! Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from an igloo, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is butt frostbite, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 7.9: It is Because the Toilet is Made of Ice, You See. Segment 1: Celtic Knot Dice Black Oak Games Knot Dice on Kickstarter Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break Segment 2: Themeballin' Outro Gag: Scott's Pet

This week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, we talk all about a game that Tom played at an office Christmas party, and how it might be made more gamerly. Also, it's our Christmas spectacular this week, with a very special Mildly Alarming Theater, and an advertisement from an actual saint. Also something about walruses. Don't miss it! Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from a sleigh ride together with you, I'm Johannes Stauffer with with me as always are horse farts, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 301: Yule Log: COOL Log! Segment 1: The Game Tom Played at an Office Christmas Party Episode Sponsor: Good King Wenceslas's Fine Dining Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Lords-a-Leaping

Once upon a time, Johannes and Tom's friend Devan said "hey guys, give me some of your money and I'll buy us the opportunity to be locked in a room where we have to solve puzzles in order to get out." And they did, and it turned out to be a heck of a good time and not, say, a front for illegal organ harvesters. They tell you all about it on this episode of the podcast, and then talk about elephants and libraries. Welcome, friend! Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the wrong side of the tracks, I'm Johannes Stauffer and… wait, no, this is the right side, that's… no, I'm wrong… they look exactly alike. They're the same. This is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 999: Gelatin, the Doom of Man. Segment 1: Escape Rooms Breakout Escape Rooms' website Breakout Escape Rooms on Facebook Episode Sponsor: Barry's Biscuit Bar Segment 2: Elephant Versus Library Vote on Twitter Round 1 - Arkham Horror vs. Eclipse Round 2 - Interstellar vs. The Last Unicorn Round 3 - Elephant vs. Library Outro Gag: Keepin' it Creel with Gary Smoolihan Music in this episode: "Meatball Parade" and "Comin' Round the Mountain" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Sing, O goddess, the folly of the Mildly Alarming Podcast / that brought countless ills upon the nerds who made it. / Many a brave soul did it send smacking hand to forehead / and also side to side shaking the craggy brows. / For so were the councils of Jove fulfilled that day, when first the Ger-Man, Johannes, did go upon the internet with the Wee Little Ginger One. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the highest mountain peaks, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a man named Carl, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 18: Edward and the Giant Blender Segment 1: Route-Building Games Ticket to Ride Age of Steam 1830: Railways & Robber Barons Episode Sponsor: EatMyTorts.com Segment 2: Remaking the Game - Clue(do) Outro Gag: The Adventures of Sun-Puncher Music in this episode: "Take a Chance" by KevinMcLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Gather around a serious table with all the other serious people to talk about serious things. Then retire to your serious room at the serious conference to tell all of your serious friends about how you lied at the other thing. In case you don't get my elaborate reference to the Treaty of Versailles: this week we talk about negotiation in games! It's fun! Also the triumphant return of Board Game Smasharama, and some other stuff probbably. I dunno. Johannes was standing on my throat while I wrote this. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the distant suns of the Calmagulon Galaxy, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is STILL MORE ELECTION NEWS WHAT IS THIS HELL and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 2: A Non-agrarian Nonagenarian Segment 1: Negotiation in Games Sponsor: Dealing with Difficult People with Dr. Simon Toosh Segment 2: Board Game Smasharama - Captain Sonar and Time n' Space Outro Gag: A Superior Means of Hand Hygiene Music in this episode: Memories - www.bensound.com Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

The boys become obsessed with a new hashtag this week while simultaneously hoping that it doesn't turn out to be something disgusting. They talk about the difficulty of designing with tiny amounts of components, mock people who play bass, and make jokes about cattle in wedding dresses. Plus a message from your favorite news team and something about science. Adventure! Excitement! Jokes that in retrospect probably aren't ok! **Intro Gag:**Comin' to ya live from underneath your eighth grade history desk, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a boogers, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode False: True! Segment 1: Making Nano Games is Hard Button Shy Games Nano Game Contest Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break Segment 2: Themeballin' Outro Gag: Science! Music in this episode: Chucky the Construction Worker Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

Maybe dumb jokes will take the edge off that whole election thing? Maybe? We made some. Enjoy them!

Do you like submarines? We like submarines. And by that we mean board games where you drive submarines around, because real submarines involve being under the water for months with a bunch of sweaty sailors and probably smell, just, SO BAD by the time your cruise is done. You gotta really want to be in a submarine under those circumstances. Plus Mildly Alarming Theater and also other things! Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from a llama farm, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are pygmy hair giraffes, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 783: Slip Slap; Oh, Crap! Segment One: Review - Captain Sonar Board Game Geek page for Captain Sonar Amazon page for Captain Sonar Episode Sponsor: Dingo Lingo Segment Two: Mildly Alarming Theater - Hands Up My Butt for Harambe Outro Gag: Truck Nutz Music in this episode: "Chee Zee Beach" and "River Valley Breakdown" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

Chip Beauvais emerges from his eons-long entombment in our green room this week to rule for a thousand years and also to tell us about his new game, Universal Rule. Plus a discussion of indy RPG "Everyone is John," adds for agricultural and laundry products, and Johannes sticks his hand in a blender for 45 straight minutes. Don't miss it! Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from my palatial mansion, I'm Chip Beauvais and with me as always are my adoring fans, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Fifty Billion: Creamed Corn and Salami: A Cautionary Tale. Segment 1: Chip's New Game - Universal Rule BoardGameGeek Page Kickstarter Page www.buttonshygames.com Chip on Twitter Episode Sponsor: Grain Paint Segment 2: Review - Everyone is John imgur image where we discovered Everyone Is John 1d4chan Wiki page for Everyone Is John Outro Gag: Horvath the Mighty's Ironing Horde Music in this episode: "Hidden Past" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Tom didn't write anything here even though it's LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB HE HAS ON THE PODCAST. So I guess I have to tell you that this episode is about how to commit the perfect murder with everyday objects you might find lying about . Y'know, rocks, paper, scissors - that sort of thing. Then we talk about clowns for awhile, which is neat. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from a world of infinite recursion... Segment One: Rock - Paper - Scissors Mechanics Hey, here's that Psychology Today article we talked about! Episode Sponsor: National Council of Guys Name Segment Two: The Scourge of Spooky Clowns Outro Gag: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking Election News Electoral News Break

The boys stumble and bumble their way through a discussion of the etymology of "The Orient" this week, followed by a little recreational themeball, only those things happened in the opposite order in reality land. Plus the latest news from Mildly Alarming Radio News, and a special message from one of our other sponsors that I'm not going to tell you about. I have that kind of power. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from a hot dog farm, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are wiggly pink sprouts, far as the eye can see, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 58: That's Some Good Moosin' Segment One: Themeballin' Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break Segment Two: Word Games Outro Gag: RumprStickers Music in this episode: Voice Over Under Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Tonight, the Mildly Alarming Podcast doles out harsh truths about Trivial Pursuit, strange truths about Gary Smoolihan, and awkward truths about their own interior lives (spoiler alert: they like farting and butts). Plus commercials for leopards, a visit from a guy called Joe, and no references to Star Trek. But WHICH Star Trek? You're going to have to read on to find out! (It's Enterprise) Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the exact center of the galaxy, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are TWO Taco Bells, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 800: A Hundo Six EIghty Three Segment One: Trivia Games Episode Sponsor: Two Leopards Brand Man Cleaner Segment Two: Flight of the Damsels Outro Gag: Sloppy Joe's Jalopy Hoes Music in this episode: "Matt's Blues" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Have you ever wondered what Battleship would be like if it wasn't like the way it is? Well, you're in for a treat today, friend, because the boys spend a solid quarter of this episode talking about ways that Battleship could be different from the way that it is so that it could be better maybe. Plus a discussion of Star Trek, the ramblings of an old woman, the cleaning of jungle cats, and a review of the (spoiler alert) excellent graphic novel Nimona by Noelle Stevenson. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from where the wild men are, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is Milwaukee, it turns out, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Dozens: Guard Well Yon Nipply Men, Oh Squire Mine Segment 1: Remaking the Game - Battleship Sponsor: Two Men Leopard Cleaner Segment 2: Wrong About Books - Nimona Here's a link to Noelle Stevenson's website, where you can find stuff about Nimona and also other things she's done. Outro Gag: Agnes Crinklehorn's Practice Children Music in this episode: Fig Leaf Rag Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

Can you flick a die off the back of your hand while hopskotching, shoot it under a leg, have it bounce off the door, onto the table, into Gary's mouth, out his second mouth, and have it land exactly where you want it? No? Then we absolutely want you for our Dungeon Fighter review. Plus commercials involving jungle cats, sticky balls of rich, lustrous theme, and another hit new crime drama. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from inside of a library, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the magic of reading, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 1234: Sensei Doug and his Magical Karate Friends. Segment 1: Review - Dungeon Fighter Sponsor: Two Men Leopard Cleaner Segment 2: Themeballin' Outro Gag: Lobster Mobster

This week's podcast is largely just us talking about a different episode of a different podcast which aired over two years ago. Because we are professionals. But stay tuned after that for the announcement of an exciting new product from the makers of your favorite sweet-and-savory dessert pastry, and also a new Mildly Alarming Theatre. About liver! It's an action-packed episode! And by "action" we mean "meat products". Intro Gag Comin' to ya live from the inevitable heat death of the universe, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a comfy sweater, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 68: The Amiable Admiral's Admirable Animal Amble Segment 1 - Analysis Paralysis 2: The Paralzyning We revisit Analysis Paralysis in more depth. Check out the episode of the Judge John Hodgman Podcast that we reference here. Episode Sponsor Grab My Thumb with Lester Segment 2 - Mildly Alarming Theatre: Liver Me Timbers Music in this episode: "Quirky Dog" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Protospiel has come and gone again, and the boys talk about what they saw, the feedback they got, and how John "The Iron Lion" Chaffer suplexed thirty men and one musk ox through a brewery floor. We didn't enter this year's Protospiel Rasslin' Championship, but after seeing that musk ox plummet into the depths of hell, we're kinda glad we didn't. Plus something about toilets, and a special message from astronaut Vic Chefterly. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the ladies room, I'm Tom Rich and OH MY GOD! and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 34: There Are Two Snack Bars In Here! Segment 1: Protospiel Hangover Sponsor: Toilets Segment 2: The Feedback That We Got Outro Gag: Vic Chefterly's Outer Space Burrito Stand

Through a combination of dark magic, enormous bags filled with hard cash, and shameless begging, your hosts land an interview with Ethan Nicolle, author of Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and a bunch of other rad stuff. We talk about drawing pictures, writing stories, and then get interrupted by either ravenous bears or the wrath of God (it's unclear). Plus ads for a boarding school, and a special message from a Pacific rim nation. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from Ethan Nicolle's house, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are some keys that I borrowed, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 67: Ethan Nicolle, Why Are You Calling the Police? Segment 1: Interview with Ethan Nicolle Things we referenced (in no particular order): Ethan's website Ethan Nicolle Apology Chumble Spuzz Bearmageddon Axe Cop Axe Cop Munchkin Veggie Tales in the House Rocket Monster Story Club Sponsor: Saint Butterfield's School for Little Chubby Boys Segment 2: Plugs and Letters Outro Gag: The Sovereign Nation of Japan Music in this episode: Olde Timey Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

The boys are SO PUMPED for the upcoming Protospiel game convention that they just have to spill all of their secrets onto the internet for every rival game designer to steal. So enjoy that, rival game designers! Plus commercials for two other shows, and Tom possibly getting his stupid ass fired from the job that pays his rent. He's real dumb. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from the backside of Mount Rushmore, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are big stone butts, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 41: The Time Uncle Wally Shotgunned a Can of Gravy and Threw Up All Night - A Cautionary Tale Segment 1: We're So Pumped for Protospiel Sponsor: Book of the Month with Sam Bubabbun Segment 2: So Pumped You Don't Even Know Outro Gag: The Witching Hour with Tom and Johannes Music in this episode: "Disco Sting" and "Pump Sting" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

It's funny, because there's definitely audio attached, but neither of us has any recollection of making it. That means we don't have any responsibility for the content, right? We're gonna go with right. None of this is our fault, and we can't, say, have all of our assets frozen for putting it on the internet. Really, isn't it YOUR fault for playing it in the first place? In this scenario, are you not, in fact, the villain? Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from a land flowing with milk and honey, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is just a shitload of ants, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Twelveteen: He Who Sniffed It Whiffed It Segment 1: I know we did a segment… what was it… hmm… Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Beak ##Segment 2: THROWDOWN SHOWDOWN! Outro Gag: Chodd and the Professor

Tonight on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, the boys discuss trading in games, and whether or not fistfuls of raw, unprocessed cash should constitute a valid means of interacting with other players. Then it's onward and upward when we take Risk and The Resistance and smash them together in our version of the Large Hadron Collider, which is just us talking on the internet, there are no hadrons. Plus an update on the finest sporting event known to man, and also something else. Podcasts! Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from high atop some greasy dude's head, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is sentient dandruff, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Dope: The Hobo Pope's Oboe Rope. Segment 1: Hot Swapping - Trade in Games Episode Sponsor: Comin' to ya live from high atop some greasy dude's head, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is sentient dandruff, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Dope: The Hobo Pope's Oboe Rope. ##Segment 2: Board Game Smasharama - Risk and The Resistance Outro Gag: An Empty White Box

It's like this. You go down to the VFA and vote for a delegate. The delegate votes for an elector. The elector votes for a representative. The representative goes to a cabin. The cabin is in the woods. The woods take a poll of various dogs, foxes, and species of birds. The results are given to the representative, who reads them, and picks a snake. The snake is now in charge. It's not a great system, but it's the system we have. Enjoy the Mildly Alarming Podcast as your snake overlords decide who to constrict and devour first. Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from high atop Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is another, smaller Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 71: Otto and the Magic Hat. ##Segment 1: Voting Mechanics CGP Grey - Politics in the Animal Kingdom Nomic (Wikipedia) A picture of a baboon Episode Sponsor: Your Mildly Alarming News Team ##Segment 2: Remaking the Game - Chutes and Ladders Outro Gag: Cleanthe Brandlebart's Full-Buttock Chaps

In a truly amazing feat, the lads managed to make it through an entire segment on casino games without once mentioning Kenny Rogers or his seminal song, "The Gambler." Their failure will surely be met by swift and savage retribution from the Kennocracy. If they don't hurry, they'll be taken via freight car to a Kenny Rogers Roasters, there to be Kenny Rogers Roasted. They, um, should probably stop typing this and start running. Anyway, the Mildly Alarming Podcast, everyone! Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from the World Sausage Belching Championships, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is more particulate matter than I'm entirely comfortable with, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 294,628.3: Whence Comes The Dickleberry? ##Segment 1: Themeballin' - Liquor and Homeownership 700 Hobo Names 700 Stripper Names Episode Sponsor: Wilson and Jennifer's All Pork Wine ##Segment 2: Casino... Games?! Outro Gag: The Mildly Alarming Party Needs YOU(R MONEY)!

See, the thing is, that two people build a thing together, and it's theirs. It doesn't belong to just one of them. They sit down to play a board game, and they agree to the rules, and then one of them is jim-jamming the cards, or frosting their dice, or some other rule-breaking crap. And what's the other one supposed to do? What do you do when somebody you trusted takes the whole thing and throws it in the trash? Destroy their car, clearly. This, ah, bit will make sense by the end of the episode. Trust me. I'm a doctor. Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from the Lego factory, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are thick leather socks, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 123: Wouldjas Lookit the Gams on… HIM!? ##Segment 1: Dexterity Games Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break ##Segment 2: Your Cheatin' Heart Will Get Your Face Punched Outro Gag: Lurbapolis Prole Remover

I say, my good chap, how about lovely spot of the old theatre? Sit in a box, watch strumpets with an eyeglass, have a good harrumph. What say you, chap-chap? Perhaps a little skippty-toot? Tumtpy-boodle? Tut-tut, now! (Mildly Alarming Theater makes a triumphant return this week, as does "Tom writing a description guaranteed to make Johannes roar and foam at the mouth!) Intro gag: Comin to ya live from a barrel of monkeys, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is dank, nasty hair, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 814: The Wolves of Wolf Hollow II—Howling Comes the Volfnacht ##Segment 1: Mildly Alarming Theater - Helga is a Witch Episode Sponsor: Hrothgar's Chiropractic ##Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - The Unicorn Outro Gag: Johannes is Trapped in a Huge Box of Bees

Depending on your point of view, your noble hosts either review a game called PushFight and a book called City of Sand, or they're lizards. Not, like, lizard people who secretly control the Vatican through the mole-person banks on the moon, but just regular lizards. You know, basking in the sun, flicking their tongues in and out, sometimes biting people. Lizards. If, um, you want a decent podcast I'd pick the first one. Plus, it contains commercials for unhappy birds, and a visit from an old friend. From our perspective, you've already enjoyed it. Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from an ocean of mayonnaise, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a the Good Ship Tater, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 57: BOOM! FINALLY NAILED ONE! ##Segment 1: Game Review - PushFight Here's what the PushFight board looks like: You can check out PushFight on their website at www.pushfightgame.com or on BoardGameGeek. You can also buy the beautiful edition of the game we have from the Penny Arcade Store. Episode Sponsor: Jerry's Sad Parrots ##Segment 2: Wrong About Books - City of Sand by Rob Kroese Rob Kroese's website. No, I'm not making a joke with that URL. It seems to be his actual website. Giraffe size Elk size Outro Gag: Burpapolis Bear Trap Remover

Your hosts delve into the higher forms of culture today, starting out with a discussion of acting in games and how that impacts the design process. Then get out your berets and turtlenecks and get ready to snap your fingers, smoke clove cigarettes, and get hit on by a guy named Carnival Moon, because it's Mildly Alarming Poetry Corner time. Plus a note on conservation, and a very real message from a very real astronaut. Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from a big bowl of soup, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is POTATOS! and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 61: Clamparts ##Segment 1: Acting, Role-playing, and You Sometimes games require you to act like a thing that you are not. Sometimes this is charades-style, sometimes it is D&D style. What considerations go into designing and playing games like this? This is what the "Ph.D. in Nanas" thing was referencing Episode Sponsor: Calvonimous Bro Preserve ##Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Poetry Corner Tom Once upon a Sunday queery, while I Iabored—well, in theory— Over many a quaint and curious volume of our podcast lore As I droolded, clearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. “Must be Snoop Dogg,” did I mutter, “rapping at my chamber door. Only this, and nothing more.” Ah, distinctly I recall it, for I had just lost my wallet, After landing fall-down drunk upon a barroom's sticky floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow—vainly, I had sought to borrow Twenty bucks to ease my sorrow—sorrow at my podcast chore. At that pain-in-buttock tasklist that I call my podcast chore To which I'm chain-ed evermore. And the silken, sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me—filled me with a deep confusion never felt before; So that, now, to still the beating of my heart I stood repeating “I do not remember seating purple curtains here before— Have no memory of buying purple curtains long before Snoop Dogg turned up at my door.” Johannes Waiting outside ever longer, as my rage grew in me stronger, “Doofus,” called I, “get your lazy carcass off the floor. Clearly, I have caught you napping, or, if I'm unlucky, crapping, But most likely you were napping, napping on your chamber floor. I can see you through the window, lying there upon the floor. A moron there, and nothing more." Through the window I stood peering, (as if) my eyeballs could be searing Work ethic into my co-host, who rose, shaking, from the floor. But his silence was unbroken, and his stillness gave no token, And the only words he'd spoken had been muffled by the door. Something about Snoop Dogg, likely, muffled by his chamber door. Likely that, and nothing more. Away from the threshold turning, all my wrath within my burning, Soon I heard him tapping, louder than I tapped before. “Surely,” said I, “surely he is on his feet now, thinking ‘Geewhiz, He'll most likely break my kneeses, if I don't complete my chore, Break ‘em with a hammer if I don't complete my podcast chore.' Now open up your stupid door!” Tom Open wide I flung the shutter, and with many a flirt and flutter Out through the window stepped I, like a burglar of yore. Not the least obeisance made I; not a minute stopped or stayed I; But, dashing cross the sidewalk made I directly toward the door— Sprinting like a sumbitch aimed directly at his truck's front door. “Yolo!” called I, “Swag galore!” Johannes No he didn't; he is lying, clearly, for some reason, trying, To convince you, and by rhyming, upon your good-sense implore That you might believe this fable, to our podcast fix the label Of ‘exciting,' ‘thrilling,' ‘able'—from the list pick one or more. Look down a list of good descriptors and, from it, pick one or more. That's what he's after, the dumb whore. Tom Much I marvel, this ungainly fellow to discourse so plainly Though his mock'ry fails to cut the issue to its core. For, though yes, my goal's amusement, and is fueled by a boozement, Parody's the thing, I'm choosin' it, as I labor at this chore. The fun of parodying poems sets me working at this chore. Only this, and nothing more. Johannes I must ask, you goofy midget, think you that I am an idjit Who didn't know you had that motive, it and likely several more? For instance, note that I have uttered—with my nipples lightly buttered— Several stanzas deeply cluttered with phrasing that's a dreary chore. Phrasing hard to say aloud—you gave me this insipid chore. Delib'rate, say I, that and more! Tom Startled, my reverie broken, by reply so aptly spoken, Duder, say I, we should punch this up a good deal more. For though I like a good parody, thicky, creamly, and most carroty, We gots to take especial careody—your assistance I implore. With the next turn of this po-em, your assistance I implore. Come inside, and shut the door. Johannes Though it could get somewhat hairy, we could still poke fun at Gary And the predilections he indulges on the shore. See now, here's what I am thinking: He's aboard a ship that's sinking, And hears the sound of sea-shells clinking on the cabin floor. The sound of sea-shells clink-clink-clinking on the tilted cabin floor. List'ners, this, would never bore. Tom Funny, yes, but I am guessing, if this idea you're expressing Goes where Gary jokes have oh-so-often gone before, If our imaginations, fertile, must return, again, to turtle Then the shark our podcast hurtles, and the readers it will bore. We'll leap a shark if we talk turtle, and the readers it will bore. And they'll read us nevermore. Johannes Fair enough, you measly gno-em, but how will we end this po-em, And, these stanzas, stow-em in a package we can store? If Gary jokes are off the table, Alphonse jokes must be a fable, And I'm unsure we will be able to come up with something more. And will the listeners listen if we give them nothing more? Answer, answer, I implore! Tom Co-host, says I, your point I mind, co-host still, if rather unkind, It may be that of content we're unlikely to find more. Desolate, and rather daunted, by this lack of humor haunted, by impending failure taunted—shall we, then, press on no more? Is there beef at Taco Bell—tell me truly, I implore? Yo Quiero, anymore? Johannes Co-host, say I, loutish laggard, co-host still, if super-slaggard, You can't use a dirt-cheap taco to evade your podcast chore. This bit now's the sixteenth stanza, a cheesy, beefy, word bonanza, An excess, an extravaganza—just complete it, I implore. There can't be many stanzas left—tell how many, I implore. Tell me, now, how many more? Tom I believe that there are lurking, if my count has not been shirking, Two more stanzas left to send up ere we start meal number four. Lest our readers think us lazy, lest their patience wavers, hazy, Lest they take to acting crazy—complete, we must, this awful chore. Let us have mercy on the readers and complete this awful chore. Or they will read us nevermore. Johannes So here's how this podcast endeth, as to rhyme scheme words we bendeth, And thru' tortured language wendeth, so that meter up we shore. And as the lines draw to the finish, our hunger will soon diminish With food that tastes a little tinnish from the Taco Bell next door. We'll feast on deeply healthless foodstuffs from the Taco Bell next door. And do this segment… nevermore. Outro Gag: Vic Chefterly's Outer Space Hair Cream Music in this episode: "Mesmerize" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Imagine your hosts, standing on a subway platform. Tom extends a hand to Johannes, who turns away. "No," he says. "You have written the bad story." Tom drops his hand. "But I thought it was the good story," he says. "And also we agree that board games are arts." Johannes turns away from the platform. "Go to your faraway place," he says. "Games are arts, but you have made me sad." I should mention that all of this was translated from The Mildly Alarming Anime. That probably would have made it make more sense. Anyway, it's all about games as art and asymmetric player powers this week. Plus an ad for (against?) vaccines, a Mildly Alarming Theater, and a note for new readers. Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from inside my bedroom closet, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is some sort of weird dog out there please send help, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Tenty-ten: Beeman! Champion of Heroics! ##Segment 1: Variable Player Powers and Asymmetric Games 6 Documentaries that were shockingly full of crap from Cracked.com The guy who only eats Big Macs is Don Gorske Chess 2: The Sequel To the Moons That Dragon Cancer Episode Sponsor: Vaccines PSA ##Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Clown College Outro Gag: An Introduction for New Readers

Ok, so, how this week's podcast works is that you have three actions points, and listening to any one ad or segment costs one point, so you can only listen to a few of them on your turn. One of the segments is about action points, the other is about liquor and weed, and the ads are for space men and wizards. I have a dollar; Johannes is made of old soap and doesn't read what I write here. Tom is dumb and doesn't check back on these after he writes them. Your plan? Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from a place in France, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are completely intact walls and disappointment, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode a Million: Lyle has two mommies, three daddies, an uncle, and a dog. Slippery slope my ass... ##Segment 1: Action Point Allowance Systems Episode Sponsor: Valitar Krambuthax, Ambassador of the Nebulons ##Segment 2: Booze 'n the News Facebook bans users from promoting posts with the word "Scunthorpe" in them Kasich defends eating pizza with fork Radioactive wild boar roaming Fukushima countryside Longtime marijuana use may make you a loser Touching robots can arouse humans Snoop Dogg launches nature show Outro Gag: Incantrathubacazdrathorn's Golemry Music in this episode: "Angevin" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

We discuss our dads on this most auspicious Father's Day, and then learn after the fact that it isn't Father's Day, it's not even close, what the hell you guys. So we move on to do a review of Blueprints, which we like, and discuss team-on-team games, which we have not really experienced but think we might like if we were to find one. There's a break for the news, and a very special announcement related to Donald Trump's hands. Don't miss it! Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from a distant future time, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are bees that produce coffee instead of milk , and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 4: The Final Episode Except We're Doing More Don't Leave Us ##Segment 1: Reviewprints - Blueprints Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break ##Segment 2: Team Competitive Games Outro Gag: Announcing Our Candidacy

An elephant visits the studio this week, but your glorious hosts ignore it to bring you only the finest in podcastery. First, we discuss the novel "The Light of the Fireflies" by Paul Pen in a new edition of Wrong About Books, and then we take our copies of Eclipse and Arkham Horror and smash them together until candy comes out. Plus adverts from the Jeremy's Own and Burpapolis corporations, and a discussion of Donald Trump's tiny hands (spoiler: they are little). Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from a supermax prison, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are macaroni arts and crafts, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 66: The Secret Dog Illuminati. ##Segment 1: Wrong About Books - The Light of the Fireflies by Paul Pen This section has book spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, listen until the banjo music, and then skip to 39:56. You can buy the book here: http://www.amazon.com/Light-Fireflies-Paul-Pen/dp/1503933547/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1460406106&sr=8-1&keywords=the+light+of+the+fireflies Episode Sponsor: Jeremy's Own Brand Pencils ##Segment 2: BOARD GAME SMASHARAMA Outro Gag: Burpapolis Blue Shell Remover Music in this episode: "River Valley Breakdown", "Electrodoodle", and "Spazzmatic Polka" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Things get psychological in the studio as the boys admit the ways in which their brains don't work, and discuss how they work around the problem. Since neither suggests cutting out the gin & tonics, it seems to be a lost cause, but they soldier on to have a chat about an article on playtesting by Jessica Berlin of Galvanized Studios. Plus a Mildly Alarming PSA, and Johannes reveals his new side project. Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from the buffalo Rome, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the Buffalo Pope, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Sechs: That was German for Six! ##Segment 1: Productivity, Bullet Journaling, and You Bullet Journal site Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio Public Service Announcement ##Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Discusses: "Five tips to make your first public playtest a success" by Jessica Berlin Five tips to make your first public playtest a success Tower Sponge Outro Gag: Johannes's Art Gallery

We talk about the fine line between tabletop RPGs and board games and then, as if that wasn't enough excitement for one show, we discuss how different games track the large amount of data that players are required to remember. Plus a message from Jerry Doodio and a spot of news from the world's only news network. Yes, only: the others are gone. We are you information source now. Obey. Obey. Obey. Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from an old timey speakeasy, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a neverending sea of baffling slang, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 37: How to grow out your back hair for fun and profit ##Segment 1: Tabletop RPGs v. Board Games—What We Learned from the Hero Playtest Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break ##Segment 2: Bookkeeping Spaceteam Outro Gag: Tiddlywinks

Steampunk space travel rules the day as we review Mission: Red Planet. Then we kvetch about winter, or, more accurately, how other people experience winter. Will you feel the icy blast of Jack Frost's breath on your neck as we podcast? Probably not, since that isn't how computers work. But you will learn about a cure for a problem that you might have, and find out how the day ends at the Mildly Alarming Daycare. Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from the front of a parade, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is imminent trampling danger, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 900: Grandma's Moldy Pinochle Set ##Segment 1: Review - Mission: Red Planet Episode Sponsor: Burpapolis Pig-man Remover ##Segment 2: Last Night's Snowstorm Outro Gag: Nighty-night Podcast

Our hosts square off in an arena and argue about the quality of "The Just City," a novel about Platonism and menstruation by Jo Walton. Then they talk about Take That! mechanics in board games, because this is a board game podcast by board game designers about board games, you clowns. Yeesh. Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from low earth orbit in the late 1950's, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a whole bunch of frozen space dogs, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Ninety-Twelve: Unpasteurized Beef Albumin ##Segment 1: Wrong About Books Episode Sponsor: Pork Snapplins ##Segment 2: "Take That!" Mechanics Outro Gag: Toebots Music in this episode: "Quirky Dog" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Well, it finally happened--the Mildly Alarming Podcast has sold out, and our new corporate overlords dictate our every word and move. Fortunately, said corporate overlords are the good people at NCBABPS-7, the channel that brings you Crime Mummy. Who's excited? This guy's excited, and that has absolutely nothing to do with generous financial contributions or suspiciously well-armed goons standing right behind me. Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from the set of Crime Mummy, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is the cast of the finest show on television, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast, where it's all mummies, all the crime. Episode Crime: Mummy! Episode Sponsor: Mime Mummy ##Segment 1: TV Review - Crime Mummy Episode Sponsor: Chime Mummy ##Segment 2: Themeballin' - Crime/Mummies Episode Sponser: Rhyme Mummy ##Segment 3: Mechanic Chat - Mummies?! Episode Sponsor: Time Mummy ##Segment 4: Booze 'n' the News Mummy Identification Still an Uncertain Science Change the sheets, give me cuddles and I'll laugh at your jokes: Mummy blogger ditches romance and writes 'real' marriage vows with a list of demands for her husband Trump the Donald Outro Gag: Maritime Mummy Music in this episode: "Private Eye" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Chip Beauvais stops by to tell us about his latest invention, which slices, dices, chops, shreds, gets stains out of carpets, and gives you a warm, sunny feeling inside, the kind that's been absent since that one person left your life. You know who we're talking about. The one who could banish your fears and insecurities just by the way they stood at the counter while they cut up vegetables for the dinners you'll never share, oh God, oh God, how could it all have gone so wrong? Then it's on to a skit about death! Isn't this podcast about board games? Ha! No. It's about the grim fact of your mortality. THAT'S mildly alarming! Intro gag: Comin' to ya' live from the dentist chair, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is the tortured screams of a thousand damned souls, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 12.3: The Mildly Alarming Pod…Cat?!?! ##Segment 1: Chip Beauvais Appreciation Day The website. The hashtag. A catbird. Episode Sponsor: Valitar Krambuthax, Ambassador of the Nebulons ##Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Apprentice Grim Reaper Outro Gag: DANGER COFFEE

Have you played Citadels? We have, and we're going to tell you about it. What about Time & Space? We've played it to, and will inflict our opinions of it upon you. Have YOU made a game called Two-Headed Ogre? We made a game called Two-Headed Ogre, and now we're going to tell you about THAT. We're unstoppable telling-you-about-stuff MACHINES! ... love us... Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from inside of a bank vault, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a disappointing lack of gold coins, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 2: Mastodons Were Smaller Than You Might Think ##Segment 1: Fancy Castles and the Space/Time Continuum We got to play Citadels and Time & Space recently, and now we're going to tell you all about it! Episode Sponsor: Weathercorn's Garment Monks ##Segment 2: Two Heads, One Ogre Outro Gag: Durryl's Sweaty Shirts And Also Other Clothes Music in this episode: "Drankin' Song" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0 "She Left Me For a T-Rex (Those Tiny Arms)" by Johannes Stauffer "Lovers' Theme" by Hervé Roy

It's pandemonium as your hosts commit podcast by flowchart and talk about how ogres are kinda' chubby. Will segments about game length drag on entirely too long? Will Tom confess to accidentally shooting one of his college roommates? Will butt-chugging make a triumphant return? Most likely, but tune in anyway! Intro gag: Comin' to ya live from my own living room, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a spread of artisanal cheeses, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 25: Farting in the Shower is the Worst Smell** ##Segment 1: Game Length Episode Sponsor: Teduardo's Finest Fish Emporium ##Segment 2: Lost Forever! Outro Gag: The Mildly Alarming Podcast in a World Where Johannes and Tom Can't Stop Vomiting Music in this episode: "Fretless" and "Loping Sting" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Circuses! Nickleback! Airplanes crashing into turtles! Chaos ensues as the Mildly Alarming Podcast veers wildly between philosophy, lingusitics, medical-grade human crap, and subterfuge the goal of which is keeping away ladies of the evening, but whose actual result is merely a frightened dog. Why is the dog afraid? Why is the buffalo sad? Tune in to find out! **Intro gag:***Comin' to ya live from a Lifetime Original movie, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a strong independent woman who don't need no man, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 52: The Adventures of Sadness the Buffalo ##Segment 1: Themeballin' Episode Sponsor: Dr. Slappy's Mystery Box ##Segment 2: Booze'n the News Man Arrested for posing as policeman to stop his dad hiring prostitutes Calgary-born presidential hopeful Ted Cruz faces potentially damning Nickelback accusation Airplanes hit more turtles than drones Freeze Dried Poop Pills Tested as Solution for Reversing Obesity Physicists and Philosophers Hold Peace Talks Ohio judge uses verse to deny lawsuit Outro Gag: Tearable Podcast Here is the promised album of urinal wall graffiti. Music in this episode: "Meatball Parade" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

After a brief vacation, the Mildly Alarming Boys come home to the studio rested, rejuvenated, and ready to say a bunch of dumb stuff. First, they take another swing at Hasbro (or maybe Parker Brothers) as they discuss what they might have done differently if they'd made Monopoly. Then it's on to a review of RARRR!!, a card game about giant monsters destroying cities. What do breakfast cereals have to do with it? Nothing. It was just a dumb joke for the title. Love us. **Intro gag:**Comin' to ya live from a place with absolutely no furnaces, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a swarm of entirely unburnt baby animals, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode -2: Russia is a Landlocked Asian Nation ##Segment 1: Remaking the Game--Monopoly Episode Sponsor: Beets By Dre ##Segment 2: Review--RARRR!! You can read what other people think about RARRR!! on BoardGameGeek or purchase a copy for yourself on Amazon. Outro Gag: Freddie and Dan's Friction-Style Clothing Store

The boys put on their Santa hats, jingle bells, and thigh-high leather gift-giving boots to bring to you the magic of their very own Christmas special. The first half deals with the tribulations of being and knowing board gamers around the holidays, while the second half... well, you'll just have to tune in to experience the splendid magic of the second half. Plus, a word from our sponsors, because Christmas is a capitalist shell-game. Oink oink, you bourgeoisie pigs. **Intro gag:**Comin' to ya live from Salsabon's Pundricle, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always are a slempt of krevvid murlidoon, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 87 - From Kleptocracy to Egalitarianism: A Paradigm Shift in Modal Administrations ##Segment 1: Tips for a Mildly Alarming Holiday Episode Sponsor: Chest-Hair Charley's Toilet Wine ##Segment 2: A Mildly Alarming Night Before Christmas