Podcast appearances and mentions of kate mangino

“Relationscapes” is the current podcast by Blair Hodges, host of Fireside. Enjoy this sample episode and be sure to subscribe directly to Relatio0nscapes now, because this episode will fall out of the Fireside feed next month!

Have you ever felt resentment about how responsibilities are divided in your relationship? Kate Mangino joins us to break down why this dynamic exists—and more important, what you can do about it. Outdated gender norms are causing a lot of problems for people whether they're married, dating, or in a queer or straight partnership. Luckily, some small, everyday changes can lead to a more balanced home life where everyone has time for work, family, and themselves. We're talking about the book, Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. SHOW NOTES —State of the World's Fathers Report —"In a Growing Share of U.S. Marriages, Husbands and Wives Earn About the Same," Pew Research Center —"What to Do if You're Doing Too Much," Kate Mangino, Psychology Today ABOUT THE GUEST Kate Mangino is author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as women's empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. Kate's work can be found in Time, Slate, and the Harvard Business Review. Subscribe to her newsletter at katemangino.com. Full transcript available here at relationscapes.org.   

Send us a Text Message.Dr Kate Mangino is a gender expert with a PhD in human rights & social development and the author of the book, Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. In this episode, we unpack the tradwife trend to ask is it a harmless personal choice resulting from the options born of feminism or giant steps backwards for the women's equality? You'll hear the answer to what is a tradwife plus the three types of tradwives, performative femininity, how this lifestyle could have a negative impact on men & the potential motives & outcomes for the women involved. We also take a closer look at some of the internet's most prominent tradwife movement supporters - Estee Williams, Nara Smith & Hannah Neeleman.If you liked this episode, you'll also like episode 210: WHEN THE ROMANTIC DYNAMIC TURNS INTO A PARENTAL ONEGuest: https://www.katemangino.com/ |https://twitter.com/manginokate | https://www.instagram.com/manginokate22/ | https://a.co/d/fWAroni Host:  https://www.meredithforreal.com/  | https://www.instagram.com/meredithforreal/  | meredith@meredithforreal.com | https://www.youtube.com/meredithforreal  | https://www.facebook.com/meredithforrealthecuriousintrovert Sponsors: https://www.jordanharbinger.com/starterpacks/ | https://uwf.edu/university-advancement/departments/historic-trust/ | https://www.ensec.net/

In this episode of Cross The Streams, Kip Ioane delves into three critical topics that every coach, parent, and athlete should consider. First, we explore the often invisible mental load that disproportionately falls on women in relationships and caregiving. Kip shares a personal story from his own life and draws from insights by authors Kate Washington and Kate Mangino, challenging men to step up and share the cognitive labor in their partnerships. Next, we shift focus to the ethics and responsibilities within sports culture. Kip discusses the importance of not just focusing on the game but also addressing the real-world issues that impact our athletes. He introduces Game Plan For Civic Engagement: Coaching Through the Election, a resource designed to help coaches guide their teams through the complexities of voting and civic duty. Finally, Kip leaves listeners with a powerful exit ticket—a conversation starter on reframing power dynamics and misogyny. Inspired by a thought-provoking social media post, this segment encourages you to rethink how we talk about these issues and to use this new perspective to challenge the status quo. Whether you're a coach, a parent, or just someone interested in making a positive impact, this episode is packed with insights and practical takeaways to help you lead with intention and purpose.

329. Mental Load: Find Healing In Your Partnership & Balance Inequality in Your Home with Kate Mangino Gender expert Kate Mangino discusses the depths of carrying the mental load in a family–even when you have a partner who wants to be supportive. Listen to this conversation with your partner(s):   -The stages of mental load – and why “helping out” or completing a task doesn't reduce it; -The cost to partners who miss out on fully participating in the mental load of the household; and  -The shocking statistics about the difference between childcare in the 70s and now. Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home is available in paperback wherever books are sold on August 20th. About Kate:  Kate Mangino is a gender expert who works with international organizations to promote social change. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as: gender equality, women's empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. Kate is the author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. Other episodes to check out: 6. OVERWHELM: Is our exhaustion a sign that we're CareTicking time bombs?  246. The Answer to Caregiving Burnout with Ai-jen Poo To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you shoulder more of the burden than you should when it comes to work around your home? Do you wish you could change that? On this episode, we look at gender inequality at home with our guest, gender expert and professional facilitator Kate Mangino, who's the author of the book, "Equal Partners: Improving Gender Inequity at Home." Her website is https://katemangino.com/ Ritual's clinically-backed Essential For Women 18+ multivitamin has high-quality, traceable key ingredients in clean, bioavailable forms.  It's gentle on an empty stomach with a minty essence that helps make taking your multi-vitamin enjoyable. Here's a special offer for our Nobody Told Me listeners! Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com/NTM.  Start Ritual or add Essential for Women 18+ to your subscription today!

Over the next few months, I'll be mixing in some of our earlier Motherhood Meets Medicine interviews with new episodes. These ‘best of' episodes are the most shared and listened to episodes of all time! Here is today's featured episode with Kate Mangino, PhD all about unlearning traditional gender norms in the household.  Gender norms are slowly changing in the everyday household. Men used to be the income providers and bring home the money while women would take care of the children and house chores. Since times have been changing, women are expecting more from their partners even as little as switching caregiving roles so the women can have some time to themselves for a minute or two. The women in my community have loved Kate's book Equal Partners and requested to have her on as a guest. Kate's role and expertise in social changes provides incredible insight into hard hitting questions from the community and change. Kate Mangino, PhD is a gender expert and professional facilitator who works with international non-profit organizations to promote positive social change. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as: gender equality, women's empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. She brings her lens of gender and social change to her debut book, Equal Partners, which addresses household gender inequality in the United States and offers practical advice as to what each of us can do to rewrite gender norms. While we are still working on changing social norms in this generation. In today's episode, we talk about gender norms and creating household balance. Kate will share what she learned during her research for her book, and she gives some excellent suggestions on how to raise conversations with your partner about gender. She will also share some data on raising boys and give some tips on how we can raise our boys to be caregivers as they grow older. In this episode we discuss: Women who had to leave the workforce to take care of the family and how that impacted the dynamic of the home. How to bring up a life changing conversation about gender roles. Encouraging boys at a young age to feel their emotions and put a name to it. Anyone can work on gender equality- not just those in a nuclear family. Why hours in a work day can be a big issue in dividing up family tasks throughout the day. Resources: Grab a copy of Kate's book, Equal Partners When Moms Outearn Their Husbands, They Gain More Housework, Study Says https://katemangino.com/ https://twitter.com/manginokate My sponsors: Navy Hair Care: Navy Hair Care Shampoo + Conditioner Navy Hair Care Charcoal Mask   Connect with Lynzy: Join the Motherhood Meets Medicine community at patreon.com/motherhoodmeetsmedicine Instagram: @motherhoodmeetsmedicine Sign up for the weekly newsletter here lynzyandco.com Disclaimer: This podcast does not provide medical advice. The information on this podcast is for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Kate Mangino, PhD, is a gender expert and professional facilitator who has been working internationally for nearly 20 years. She is the author of the new book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equity at Home, an informed guide about how readers can rewrite harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. Here's where you can find Kate: https://www.katemangino.com @ManginoKate on X Buy EQUAL PARTNERS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250276117 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid's behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode from our archives, Apple News In Conversation host Shumita Basu talks with Kate Mangino, a gender expert and the author of the book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. Mangino points to research that shows women still take on the majority of household responsibilities in different-sex relationships — and she argues there’s a better way for partners to balance the mental and physical labor of running a home.

Dr. Kate Mangino holds a Ph.D. in human rights & social development & is the author of the book, "Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home." She covers how to know if you're the cognitive laborer, why gender equality is critical for boys & girls, society vs biology, the right and wrong way to divide chores & how to start a conversation with your partner without starting a fight.If you like this episode, you'll also like episode 180: IS YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE RUINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP?Guest: https://www.katemangino.com/ | https://twitter.com/manginokate | https://a.co/d/3FhONCV Host:  https://www.meredithforreal.com/  | https://www.instagram.com/meredithforreal/  | meredith@meredithforreal.com | https://www.youtube.com/meredithforreal  | https://www.facebook.com/meredithforrealthecuriousintrovertSponsors: Ready to shop better hydration, use my special link https://zen.ai/meredithforrealthecuriousintrovert1 to save 20% off anything you order | https://uwf.edu/university-advancement/departments/historic-trust/ | https://www.ensec.net/

Gwendolyn Dolske and Rudy Salo welcome back Dr. Kate Mangino (Equal Partners).  Gwendolyn asks Kate's thoughts on a recent push to end no fault divorce in a few districts.  How do ideas about marriage and divorce reflect gender assumptions/traditions?   We learn about the significance of caregiving from our personal lives and how that role fosters important skills that can be used in the work place.  What are these transferable skills?  How do we discuss our caregiving roles at work?  How can employers view time taken for care as a benefit to their business?  Learn more about Kate Mangino: https://www.katemangino.com Join. our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/GoodIsInTheDetails https://www.goodisinthedetails.com Thank you to our sponosor: http://www.avonmoreinc.com

What "scams" about motherhood have we become subject to without really questioning them? What would happen if we stopped subscribing to these ideas? Raena Boston, founder of the Working Momtras, discusses ways to counteract the sexism inherent in parenting, particularly mothering, and how to make the personal political. Raena is a mom of three, co-founder of the nonprofit Chamber of Mothers, and a fierce advocate for working families. In this interview, Raena and Margaret discuss: Mom guilt as a scam and how we can dismantle it Why dads need parental leave too What federal paid family leave really means Here's where you can find Raena: www.theworkingmomtras.com @theworkingmomtras on IG @workingmomtras on Twitter Listen to our episode with Kate Mangino on her book "Equal Partners" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you feel like you shoulder more of the burden than you should when it comes to work around your home? Do you wish you could change that? On this episode, we look at gender inequality at home with our guest, gender expert and professional facilitator Kate Mangino, who's the author of the new book, "Equal Partners: Improving Gender Inequity at Home." Her website is https://katemangino.com/   We're excited to tell you about another great product from our sponsor, Ritual.  It's called Synbiotic+ and it's a daily 3-in-1 clinically-studied prebiotic, probiotic, and postbiotic designed to help support a balanced gut microbiome.  Ritual's Synbiotic+ provides two of the world's most clinically studied probiotic strains to support the relief of mild and occasional digestive discomforts, like bloating, gas, and diarrhea.  Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide, your insides. It's time to listen to your gut!  Ritual is offering our Nobody Told Me! listeners 10% off during your first 3 months.  Visit ritual.com/NTM to start Ritual or add Synbiotic+ to your subscription today.

Show NotesOn today's podcast I chat with Holly and Calisa of Moms Matter Now, a platform for educating and empowering moms in their mental health. We talked about sharing the load, what the deal is with intrusive thoughts, setting yourself up for success, ways to avoid maternal gatekeeping, and more. They've created a signature online course called Expectant Moms Empowered Moms.Holly's mantra: taking care of yourself IS taking care of your kids.Calisa's mantra: I can do anything; I can't do everything.Definitions:PMADS: Perinatal Mood & Anxiety DisordersMatrescence: is the physical, emotional, hormonal and social transition to becoming a mother.Maternal gatekeeping: a mother's/primary caregiver's refusal to let someone else perform care tasks for their child.Resources They SharedPostpartum Support International:https://www.postpartum.net/– Hotline: 1-800-944-4773 – Directory of PMH-C mental health therapists: https://psidirectory.com/Mom Life Comics IG: https://www.instagram.com/momlife_comics/ Fair Play by Eve Rodsky: https://amzn.to/41lbu3W Fair Play Documentary: https://www.fairplaylife.com/documentaryFair Play IG: https://www.instagram.com/fairplaylife/Unicorn Space IG: https://www.instagram.com/unicornspacelife/Equal Partners by Kate Mangino: https://amzn.to/42FGFI3Untamed by Glennon Doyle: https://amzn.to/3MfGdv2We Can do Hard Things Podcast: https://pod.link/1564530722The Moms Matter Now online course: Expectant Moms Empowered MomsConnect with Moms Matter Now:Website: https://www.momsmatternow.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/momsmatternow/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/momsmatternowSupport the showSign up for my weekly email newsletter: https://trainat.li/emails Snag your free download here: The Mindful Mama's Guide to Moving better: 5 exercises you can seamlessly integrate into your busy day: https://trainat.li/field-guide Come say hey on social media! Trainer Natalie's Social Channels: Instagram: @trainernatalieh Youtube: @trainernatalie TikTok: @trainernatalie Facebook: @trainernatalieh Twitter: @trainernatalieh The Resource Doula Podcast Social Channels: Instagram: @resourcedoulapodcast TikTok: @resourcedoula Resource Doula Podcast Youtube: @resourcedoula

Today, Ed is joined by Kate Mangino, a gender expert who works to change harmful social norms through writing, training, and facilitation. She has 20+ years of experience working in the international development sector, writing and delivering curricula in over 20 countries on a range of issues. Kate's debut book, Equal Partners, looks at gender imbalances in our personal life and what we can do about it. Listen in as Kate pulls back the curtain on why “gender” is such a tricky topic to discuss in today's world—and why it shouldn't be. She talks about how married couples can improve gender equity at home by shifting our focus from doing tasks we feel we “ought” to do thanks to our ingrained notions about gender norms, to doing tasks based on what we value the most. Finally, Kate goes beyond gender, explaining why seeing ourselves and our community through an “intersectional lens” is so important to understanding imbalances of power and expectations in society. Key Topics: Why “gender” has become a difficult topic to talk about (01:28) How Kate chose her unique career (04:47) Looking at ourselves and our community through an intersectional lens (09:07) How couples can improve gender equity at home with regard to finances (12:46) Why we need to prioritize values over the tasks we think we “ought” to do at home (18:12) Looking at other factors that impact one's lot in life, from race to social class (28:33) Normalizing healthy masculinity (30:34) Defining “emotional burden/labor” and why “cognitive labor” is a better replacement (38:25) The importance of inviting men into women's spaces (43:17) Resources: Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home Kate's Website Connect With Healthy Love and Money: Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

Stephanie is joined today by a very special guest, Andrea Goulet. Andrea founded Empathy In Tech as part of writing her book Empathy-Driven Software Development (https://empathyintech.com/). She's also the founder of the community Legacy Code Rocks (https://www.legacycode.rocks/) and the Chief Vision Officer of two companies: Corgibytes (https://corgibytes.com/) and Heartware (https://www.heartware.dev/) (which provides financial support to keep Empathy In Tech running). Stephanie has strong opinions about the concept of "Makers and Menders" that the Corgibytes folks have written/spoken about, especially around those personas and gender stereotypes. Andrea joins Steph to evolve the conversation and add nuance to the discussion about legacy code/maintenance in our community. This episode is brought to you by Airbrake (https://airbrake.io/?utm_campaign=Q3_2022%3A%20Bike%20Shed%20Podcast%20Ad&utm_source=Bike%20Shed&utm_medium=website). Visit Frictionless error monitoring and performance insight for your app stack. Makers and Menders from Corgibytes (https://corgibytes.com/blog/2015/08/14/makers-vs-menders/) Empathy in Tech (https://empathyintech.com/) Legacy Code Rocks (https://www.legacycode.rocks/) Forget Technical Debt — Here's How to Build Technical Wealth (https://review.firstround.com/forget-technical-debt-heres-how-to-build-technical-wealth) Equal Partners by Kate Mangino (https://bookshop.org/p/books/equal-partners-improving-gender-equality-at-home-kate-mangino/18336353) Sustainable Web Development Episode (https://www.bikeshed.fm/368) Transcript: AD: thoughtbot is thrilled to announce our own incubator launching this year. If you are a non-technical founding team with a business idea that involves a web or mobile app, we encourage you to apply for our eight-week program. We'll help you move forward with confidence in your team, your product vision, and a roadmap for getting you there. Learn more and apply at tbot.io/incubator. STEPHANIE: Hello and welcome to another episode of The Bike Shed, a weekly podcast from your friends at thoughtbot about developing great software. I'm Stephanie Minn., And today I'm joined by a very special guest, Andrea Goulet. Hi, Andrea. ANDREA: Hello, thanks for having me. STEPHANIE: So here on The Bike Shed, we like to start by sharing something new in our world. Could you tell us a bit about yourself and anything new going on for you? ANDREA: Yeah, so I have a background in strategic communications, and then kind of made a windy journey over to software. And so, for the past 13 years, I've been focused on modernizing legacy systems. And legacy is kind of a loose term; something you write today can be legacy. But essentially, we kind of help modernize any kind of software, any language, any platform, any framework. And so, over the course of doing that, in the work that I did before I came to software, I had a very technical understanding of empathy and communications and had just done a lot of that. And I just noticed how much that mattered in creating healthy and sustainable codebases. So now I'm kind of taking that experience, and I've got a book contract called "Empathy-Driven Software Development." So I've been working on just diving into a lot of the really deep research. So that's been kind of my focus for the past two years. And it's been really surprising because there were things that were positioned as truths, and then it's like, wait a second, neuroscience is completely upending everything. So it's been a fun learning journey. And I'm excited to share some of the things that I've learned over the years, especially [laughs] in the past two years with this book. So that is the new thing with me. And it's...I was telling you before it just feels like a constant new thing. Anybody who's written a book...it's the hardest thing I've ever done, so... [laughs] STEPHANIE: Yeah, that sounds tough but also kind of exciting because you're learning so many new things that then kind of shape how you view the world, it sounds like. ANDREA: Yeah. Yeah, it really does. And I think I really like diving into the details. And I think what started this was...my business partner, Scott, at the time, really embodied the stereotypical 2010 software developer down to the scruffy beard and dark-rimmed glasses. And what I found incredibly interesting was he had this belief of I'm good with machines, but I'm bad with people. And he just had this really deeply ingrained. On the flip side, I had this belief of, oh, I'm good with people, but I'm bad with machines. I'll never learn how to code. And I found that really interesting. And personally, I had to go through a journey because we went on...it was the first time either of us had ever been on a podcast. So this was about ten years ago. And at the end of the podcast, Scott was the only one on there. And he said, you know, the person asked about his origin story and about our company Corgibytes. And he was like, "Yeah, you know, Andrea is amazing. She's our non-technical founder." And by that time, I had been coding next to him for like three years. And I was like, why the heck would you call me non-technical? And I just felt this...what is it that I have to do to prove it to you? Do I have to actually go get a CS degree? I know I'm self-taught, but does that mean that I'm not good enough? What certificates do I need? Do I need to sit down next to you? Do I need to change my lifestyle? Do I need to look like you? So I was really upset [laughing] and just thinking through, how dare you? How dare you label me as non-technical? And Scott is very quiet and patient, great with people, I think. [laughs] And he listened and said, "I use the words that you use to describe yourself. When we were in a sales meeting right before that phone call, I paid attention to how you introduced yourself, and I pretty much used the same words. So when you call yourself technical, I will too." That shattered my world. It shattered my identity because then it put the responsibility of belonging on me. I couldn't blame other people for my not feeling like I didn't belong. That journey has just been so profound. This is what I see a lot of times with empathy is that we have these kinds of self-identities, but then we're afraid to open up and share. And we make these assumptions of other people, but, at the same time, there's real-world evidence. And so, how do we interpret that? In addition to this, Scott...like, part of the reason I called myself non-technical was because all of the people I saw who were like me or had my background, that's the word that was used to describe someone like me. And when I would go to a conference, you know, I have a feminine presentation. And this was ten years ago. My very first conference was 300 software developers, and there were probably about 295 men. And I was one of five women in the room. And because I looked so different and because I stood out, the first question that anybody would ask me, and this was about 30% to 40% of introductions, was, "Are you technical or non-technical?" And I had to choose between this binary. And I was like; I don't know. Am I technical? Like, is it a CEO that can code? I don't know. But then I have this background. And so I would just default to, "No, I guess I'm non-technical," because that's what felt safe because that's what they assumed. And I just didn't know, and I didn't realize that I was then building in this identity. And so then, as part of trying to create a warm and inclusive organization, we did one of the unconscious bias surveys from Harvard. And what astonished me when I did that myself was that I didn't have a whole lot of bias, like, there was some. But the most profound bias was against women in the workplace, and it stood out a big one. I was like, how is it that I can be someone who's a fierce advocate, but then that's my own bias against people like me? What the heck is going on? So really exploring all of this. And I think Scott and I have had so many different conversations over the years. We actually ended up getting married. And so we have a personal reason to figure a lot of this stuff out too. And when we start to have those conversations about who am I and what's important to me, then all of a sudden, we can start creating better code. We can start working together better as a team. We can start advocating for our needs. Other people know what we need ahead of time. And we're not operating out of defensiveness; we're operating out of collaboration and creativity. So the book and kind of everything is inspired by my background and my lived experience but then also seeing Scott and his struggles, too, because he had been told like, "You're a geek. Stay in the computers. Stay in the code. You're not allowed to talk to customers because you're bad at it," and flat out was told that. So how do we overcome these labels that people have put on us, and then we've made part of our own identity? And which ones are useful, and then which ones are not? Because sometimes labels can create a sense of community and affinity and so how do we know? And it's complicated, but the same thing, software is complicated. We can take skills like empathy and communication. We can look at them schematically and operationalize them when we look at them in kind of detail. So that's what I enjoy doing is looking under the hood and figuring out how does all this stuff work? So... [laughs] STEPHANIE: I did want to respond to a few things that I heard you say when you're talking about going to a conference and feeling very much in the minority. I went to my first RailsConf in 2022, my first RailsConf in person, and I was shocked at the gender imbalance. And I feel like every time I used the women's restroom; I was looking around and trying to make a connection with someone and have a bit of a kinship and be like, oh yes, you are here with me in this space. And then we would have a conversation and walk out together, and that felt very meaningful because the rest of the space, you know, I wasn't finding my people. And so I feel that very hard. I think this is also a good time to transition into the idea of makers and menders, especially because we have been talking about labels. So you all talked about this distinction between the different types of work in software development. So we have greenfield work, and that is writing code from scratch, making all the decisions about how to set up an application, exploring a whole new domain that hasn't been codified yet. And that is one type of work. But there's also mender-type work, which is working in existing applications, legacy code, refactoring, and dealing with the complexity of something that has stood the test of time but may or may not have gotten a lot of investment or care and bringing that codebase back to life if you will. And when I first heard about that distinction, I was like, yes, I'm a mender. This is what I like to do. But the more I thought about it, I started to also feel conflicted because I felt pain doing that work as well. ANDREA: Oh, interesting, yeah. STEPHANIE: Especially in the context of teams that I've been on when that work was not valued. And I was doing maintenance work and fixing bugs and either specifically being assigned to do that work or just doing it because I knew it needed to be done and no one else was doing it. And that had caused me a lot of frustration before because I would look around and be on a team with mostly White men and be like, why aren't they picking up any of this work as well? And so I was thinking about how I both felt very seen by the acknowledgment that this is work, and this is valid work, and it's important work, but also a little bit confused because I'm like, how did I get here? Did I pigeonhole myself into doing this work? Because the more I did it, the better I got at it, the more comfortable and, to whatever degree, enjoyed it. But at the same time, I'm not totally sure I was given the opportunity to do greenfield work earlier in my career. That could have changed where my interests lie. ANDREA: Yeah, it is. And it's funny that you mentioned this because I actually I'm a maker. But yeah, I created this community, and I'm known for this thing. And I had a very similar experience to how do I exist as someone who's different in this kind of community? And I think part of it is, you know, there's a great quote by George Box, who is a statistician, and he says, "All models are wrong; some are useful." And I think that's kind of the whole idea with the maker-mender is that it is a signal to be like, hey, if you like fixing stuff...because there is so much shame, like, that's what we were responding to. And Scott had the opposite problem of what you have experienced, where he was only allowed to work on greenfield work. They were like, "No, you're a good developer. So we want you working on features. We won't let you fix the bugs. We won't let you do the work that you like doing." And so that's why he wanted to create Corgibytes because he's like, "This work needs to be done." I am so personally passionate about this. And when we were having these conversations 13 years ago, I was talking to him about product/market fit and stuff like that. And I was like, "You like fixing software, and there's a lot of software out there to be fixed." I just was very, very confused as to why this kind of existed. And we had been told flat out, "You're never going to find anybody else like Scott. You're never going to be able to build a company around people who find a lot of joy in doing this work." And I think that this comes down to identity and kind of the way that Legacy Code Rocks was built too. A lot of the signaling that we put out there and the messaging and stuff really came from Scott's feeling of, like, I want to find more people like me. So being in the women's bathroom and like, how do I find more menders? Or how do I find people...because we were walking through a Barnes & Noble, and it was like a maker fest, maker everything. And he's like, "I don't have a community. There's nowhere for me to go to create these meaningful connections," exactly like you were saying. "I have maybe two people in my network." And then we were at a conference in 2015. We were at the large agile conference. And it was one of the first ones that I've been to that had a software craft track. And we met like 20 people who were really, like, I just saw Scott light up in a way that I hadn't seen him light up because he could geek out on this level that I hadn't seen him do before. And so when I asked, like, "How do you guys stay in touch afterwards?" And they're like, "Oh no, we don't. We don't know how to build a community." And it's like, well, okay, well, we can get that started. To your response of like, how do you operate when it is presented as a binary? And it's like, am I this, or am I this? This kind of gets down to the idea of identity-wise, is it a binary, or is it a spectrum? I tend to think of it kind of like an introvert-extrovert spectrum where it's like there is no wrong or right, and you can move in different places. And I think being able to explain the nuances of the modeling around how we came up with this messaging can get lost a lot of times. But I'm with you, like, how...and that's kind of something now where it's like, okay, maybe my role was to just start this conversation, but then everybody's having these ideas. But there are people who genuinely feel seen, you know. STEPHANIE: Yeah, that's really interesting because what I'm hearing is that when there's this dominant narrative of what a developer should be, and should be good at, and what they should do, it's kind of like what you were saying earlier about how hard it was for you to claim that identity yourself. People who feel differently aren't seen, and that's, I think, the problem. And I'm very, very interested in the gender aspect of it because one thing that I've noticed is that a lot of my female developer friends do do more of that mending work. So when you talk about feeling like there was no community out there, it just wasn't represented at the time, you know, a decade ago for sure. And still, even now, I think we're just starting to elevate those voices and that work. I wanted to share that at thoughtbot; we have different teams for different business verticals. And so we do have a rapid validation prototyping team. We do have a greenfield like MVP, V1 product team. And then we also have a team, Boost, the team that I'm on. That is more team augmentation, working with legacy code and existing systems. And it was not lost on me that Boost has the most women. [laughs] ANDREA: Yeah, because you have the concept of cognitive load and mental load. STEPHANIE: Yes. ANDREA: Women at home end up taking a lot more of this invisible labor that's behind the scenes. Like, you're picking the kids up from school, or you're doing the laundry, or all these things that are just behind the scenes. And this was actually something...so when Scott and I also got married, that's when I first became aware of this, and it was very similar. And it was, okay, how do I...because Scott and I, both in our business and in our personal partnership, we wanted it to be based on equity. And then also, like, how do I show up? And for me, the hardest thing with that was letting go of control where it's like, it has to be a certain way. It's hard for me to comment on the broader enterprise level because what I see at Corgibytes is we have gender parity. That's been pretty balanced over the course of our..., and we're a small boutique company, so it's different. But then, in the larger community of Legacy Code Rocks, it tends to be more male. There are actually fewer women in there. And I think, too, like there's this idea of testers and QA, like, I think that falls in there as well, and that's heavily dominant. And I think sometimes it's like, oh...and I think this kind of comes to the problem of it, like, it's the way that we think about the work in general. And this might be useful just to think about kind of the way that it came about was, you know, makers and menders was we were putting together [laughs] actually this talk for this conference that we went to. And my background in marketing, I was trying to wrap my brain around when is it appropriate for mending? And I had my marketing degree. It's like, oh, the product lifecycle. And Scott's retort was, "It needs to be a circle. We're agile, so it needs to be a circle." And I was like, this doesn't make any sense. Because look, if you have maturity and then you have it...oh my gosh, it'll link back to innovation, and then you can do new stuff. And so yeah, I think when we describe makers and menders, and this is true with any label, the idea in the broader model is that makers and menders aren't necessarily distinct, and your team should 1,000%...everyone should be contributing. And if you only have one person who's doing this work, you're at a detriment. That's not healthy for your codebase like; this should be baked in. And the mender is more of like, this is where I get my joy. It's more of an opt-in. But I think that your observation about the invisible labor and how that gets translated to maintenance work is accurate. A lot of times, like when Scott was describing his thing, it's like, there's the movie "Office Space." I might be dating myself. But there's this guy, Milton, and it's like, "Just go to the basement." He was told maintenance is where good software careers go to die. [laughs] And so over the years, it's like, how do we celebrate this and make it more part of the maker work? And it's similar to how introverts and extroverts...it's like, we all work together, and you need all of it. But there is an extrovert bias. And extroverts are seen more as, oh, they have leadership traits and stuff. But increasingly, we're starting to see, no, actually, that's not the only way that you can be effective. So I think it's hard. And I think it does come down to belonging. And I think that there are also different cultural impacts there. And it comes down to just a lot of different lived experiences. And I so appreciate you sharing your point of view. And I'm curious, what would help you feel more like you belong? Is it the work and the environment that you're in that's kind of contributing to this feeling? Or is it other things in general or? STEPHANIE: Okay, so I did want to address real quick what you were saying about mental load and household labor because I think I really only started thinking about this after I read a book called "Equal Partners" by Kate Mangino, where she talks about how to improve gender equality at home, and I loved that book so much. And I suddenly started to see it everywhere in life and obviously at work too. And that's kind of what really drove my thinking around this conversation, maintenance work being considered less skilled labor or things that get offloaded to someone else. I think that really frustrates me because I just don't believe that's true. And to get back to what you were asking about what would make me feel more seen or valued, I think it's systemic. But I also think that organizations can make change within their cultures around incentives especially. When you are only promoted if you do greenfield work and write thousands of lines of code, [laughs] that's what people will want to do. [laughs] And not even just promotions, but who gets a kudos in Slack? Or when do you get positive encouragement? As a consultant, I've worked on different client teams that had different values, and that was when I really struggled to be in those environments. I have a really strong memory of working on a greenfield project, but there was another male developer who was just cranking out features and doing all of this work and then demoing it to stakeholders. But then there was one feature that he had implemented but had faked the data. So he hadn't finished the backend part of it but just used fake data to demo the user interface to stakeholders. And then he moved on to something else. And I was like, wait; this isn't done. [laughs] But at that point, stakeholders thought it was done. They thought that it was complete. They gave him positive feedback for finishing it. And then I had to come in and be like, "This isn't done. Someone needs to work on this." And that person ended up being me. And that was really frustrating because I was doing that behind-the-scenes work, the under-the-hood work for something that had already been attributed to someone else. And yeah, I think about that a lot and what systems or what the environment was that led to that particular dynamic. MID-ROLL AD: Debugging errors can be a developer's worst nightmare...but it doesn't have to be. Airbrake is an award-winning error monitoring, performance, and deployment tracking tool created by developers for developers that can actually help cut your debugging time in half. So why do developers love Airbrake? It has all of the information that web developers need to monitor their application - including error management, performance insights, and deploy tracking! Airbrake's debugging tool catches all of your project errors, intelligently groups them, and points you to the issue in the code so you can quickly fix the bug before customers are impacted. In addition to stellar error monitoring, Airbrake's lightweight APM helps developers to track the performance and availability of their application through metrics like HTTP requests, response times, error occurrences, and user satisfaction. Finally, Airbrake Deploy Tracking helps developers track trends, fix bad deploys, and improve code quality. Since 2008, Airbrake has been a staple in the Ruby community and has grown to cover all major programming languages. Airbrake seamlessly integrates with your favorite apps to include modern features like single sign-on and SDK-based installation. From testing to production, Airbrake notifiers have your back. Your time is valuable, so why waste it combing through logs, waiting for user reports, or retrofitting other tools to monitor your application? You literally have nothing to lose. Head on over to airbrake.io/try/bikeshed to create your FREE developer account today! STEPHANIE: Do you have any advice for leaders who want to make sure there's more equity for people who like to do mending and legacy code work? ANDREA: Yeah, absolutely. I am so grateful for your questions and your perspective because this is not something that's talked about a lot, and it is so important. I wrote an article for First Round Review. This was in 2016 or 2017. And it was called "Forget Technical Debt — Here's How to Build Technical Wealth," and so if you want to link to it in the show notes. It's a really long article and that goes into some of the specifics around it, but it's meant for CEOs. It really is meant for CEOs. And I do think that you're right; some of it is that we have lionized this culture of making and the work that is more visible. And it's like, oh, okay, great, here's all the visual design stuff. That's fantastic, but then recognizing there's a lot of stuff that's behind the scenes too. So in terms of leaders, I think some of it is you have to think about long-term thinking instead of just the short-term. Don't just chase the new shiny. Also, you need to be really aware of what your return on investment is. Because the developers that are working on maintaining and making sure that your mission-critical systems don't fail those are the ones that have the highest value in your organization because if that system goes down, your company makes money. Greenfield work, yes, it's very...and I'm not downplaying greenfield work for sure. I'm definitely, [laughs] like, I love doing that stuff. I love doing the generating phase. And at the same time, if we only look towards kind of more the future bias...there's a great book that we were featured in called "The Innovation Delusion" that talks about this more in general. But if we only look at the visible work that's coming, then we forget what's important now. And so for leaders, if you're running a software company, know where your mission-critical systems are and recognize the importance of maintaining them. That's the very first step. The second step is to recognize the complexities of a situation, like, to think about things in terms of complex systems instead of complicated systems. And I'll describe the difference. So when I came to software, I had been working in the creative field, like in advertising, and branding, and copywriting, and all that. And we got inputs. We kind of ran it through this process, and then we delivered. And we did a demo and all of that stuff. It was when is the timeline? When is it done? Big air quotes. And we were pretty predictably able to deliver on our delivery day. Sometimes things would go wrong, but we kind of had a sense because we had done the same pattern over and over again. You don't get that in legacy code because the variables are so immense that you cannot predict in the same way. You have to adopt a new strategy for how do you measure effectiveness. And the idea of measuring software productivity in terms of new features or lines of code, like, that's something that goes all the way back to Dykstra [laughs] in the 1970s around, is that the right way? Well, a lot of people who code are like, "No, that's not." This is a debate that goes back to the earliest days of computing. But I think that the companies that are able to build resilient systems have a competitive advantage. If a leader wants to look at their systems, whether that is a social system and the people in their organization or whether or not it's their software if you look at it from a systems thinking, like, there are interactions that I need to pay attention to not just process, that is super key as well. And then the last one is to recognize, like, one of our core values is communication is just as important as code. I would be remiss to neglect empathy and communication in part of this, but that really is so important. Because when we position things in terms of...and I don't know as much about thoughtbot and kind of the overall strategy, but kind of an anti-pattern I have seen just in general in organizational behavior is that when you structure teams functionally and silo them, you're not getting that diversity of thought. So the way that we approach it is, like, put a mender on a maker team because they're going to have a different perspective. And then, you can work together to get things out the door faster and value each other's perspectives and recognize strengths and shadows. So, for me, as a maker, I'm like, I've got a huge optimism bias, and we can go through all this stuff. And for Scott, it's like he struggles to know when he's done. Like, for me, I'm like, cool, we're 80% done. I got it. We're good to go. And for Scott, he'll work on something, and then it's like, I have to stop him. So recognizing that we help each other, that kind of thought diversity and experience diversity goes across so many different vectors, not just makers and menders. But I think, to me, it's about reframing value so that you're not just thinking about what it is right now in this moment. And I think a lot of this comes down to investor strategy too. Because if you've got an investor that you're trying to appease and they're just trying to make short-term monetary gains, it's much harder to think in terms of long term. And I think it's developers understanding business, business understanding the struggles of developers and how they need lots of focus time, and how estimating is really freaking hard, and why if you demand something, it's going to be probably not right. And then coming up with frameworks together where...how can I describe this in a way? So to me, it really is about empathy and communication at the end of the day when we're talking about interactions and how do we operationalize it. STEPHANIE: I like what you said about reframing value because I do believe that it starts from the top. When you value sustainability...my co-host, Joël, had an episode about sustainability as a value in software development. But then that changes, like I mentioned before, the incentive structures and who gets rewarded for what type of work. And I also think that it's not only diverse types of people who like doing different types of work, but there is value in doing both. And I know we talked about it being a spectrum earlier, but I strongly believe that doing the legacy code work and experiencing what it's like to try to change a system that you are like, I have no idea why this decision was made or like, why is the code like this? That will help inform you. If you do do greenfield work, those are really important skills, I think, to bring to that other type of work as well. Because then you're thinking about, okay, how can I make decisions that will help the developers down the line when I'm no longer on this project? ANDREA: Exactly, which is a form of empathy. [laughs] STEPHANIE: Yeah, it is a form of empathy, exactly. And the reverse is also true too. I was thinking about, okay, how can working in greenfield code help inform working with legacy code? And I was like, oh, you have so much energy when the world is completely open to you, and you can make whatever decisions to deliver value. And I've really struggled working in legacy code, feeling like I don't have any options and that I have to repeat a pattern that's already been set or that I'm just kind of stuck with what I've been given. But I think that there is some value in injecting more of that agency into working with legacy code as well. ANDREA: Well, and I think, too, I think you hit it on the head because, like I said, with the mental load at home, it was like, I had to be okay with things failing where it's like, it wasn't exactly the way I would do it, and I had to be okay with that. Like, oh, the dishes aren't put in the dishwasher exactly the same way I would do it. I'm not going behind it. And like, okay, it's not perfect. That's...whoo, it's going to be okay. And I think that's kind of what we experience, too, is this idea of we have to figure out how we work together in a way that is sustainable. And I think that, similar to my experience with the technical, non-technical piece, there is an onus. Now, granted, I want to be very careful here to not...there is trauma, and there is absolutely horrific discrimination and abuse. And that is not what I'm talking about here in terms of power dynamics. I am talking more about self-identity and self-expression. And I think that if you are in a community like makers and menders, yeah, we're less represented. There is a little bit of an onus, the technical, non-technical, like the onus of understanding what non-technical means and where I can push back is really important work for me to do. Because what I was surprised with was everyone there, like, when I started asking...so my response ended up being, "Help me understand, why did you ask that question?" And I took ownership of the narrative. And it was like, oh, well, what I found was that most of the people were like, if you're a recruiter, I don't want to waste your time with a bunch of stuff that you don't want to talk about. And then being able to say, "Oh, okay, I can see that, and you assumed that I was a recruiter because of the way I looked. And I understand the intention here. Next time, if I'm at a software conference, assume that I know how to code and assume that I'm here for a reason." And a great opening question is, "What brought you here?" I'm like, oh, okay, when we ask a close-ended question, we position things as a binary, like, are you technical or non-technical? That creates a lot of cognitive dissonance, and it's hard. But if I open it up and say, "What brought you here?" Then I can create my own narrative. There is an aspect of setting boundaries and pushing back a little bit like you said, agency. And that can be really hard because it gets at the core of who you are, and then you have to really explore it. And what I found, at least, is in the majority, there have been exceptions, but in the majority of the male-dominated groups that I've been in in my career in software, the majority are very welcoming and want me to be there. But I feel inadequate, and it's more impostor syndrome than I think it is people being discriminatory. Learning about the differences between that and where is my responsibility and where's your responsibility in this that's a tough tension to play. STEPHANIE: Absolutely. And I think that's why it's really important that we're having a conversation like this. I think what you're getting at is just the harm of the default assumption that is chronic, [laughs] at least for me sometimes. And you mentioned earlier the history of computing a little bit. And I was really excited about that because I did a little bit of digging and learned about women's history in computing and how after World War II, programming, you know, there were so many women. In fact, I think by 1960, more than one in four programmers were women, and they were working on mission-critical work like for NASA for, you know, during World War II for code-breaking. And I read that at the time, that work was deemed boring and tedious, and that's why men didn't want to do it. They wanted to work on hardware, which was what was the cool, creative, interesting work. And the computing work was just second class. That's changed, but in some ways, I'm thinking about, okay, where are we now? And to what degree are we kind of continuing this legacy? And how can we evolve or move beyond it? ANDREA: Yeah, you're absolutely right. And in some of the research for the book, one of the things I learned is a lot of people know the name, John von Neumann. He created the von Neumann architecture, that is the foundation of all the hardware that most of us use today. And the very first kind of general purpose digital computer, ENIAC, all...I think it was eight of the people who were programmers for that were women. That team was led by John von Neumann's wife, Klára, and you never hear about Klára. You have to go digging for that. And The Smithsonian actually just about 8, 10 years ago did a big anniversary and then realized none of those women were invited to the press conferences. They were not invited. And so there is kind of this...similar to generational wealth, it's the thing that gets passed down. Like, if you're in the rooms in the early days...there was a quote by John Backus, who created FORTRAN and the Backus–Naur principle, where he talked about programming in the 1950s. He has an essay, and he was like, yeah, I mean, an idea was anybody who claims it, and we never cited our sources. And so it was whoever had the biggest ego was the one who got credit. And everyone's like, great; you're a hero. And so I think that's kind of the beginning of it. And so if you weren't invited into the room, because in the 1950s, in addition to gender, there was legislation that prevented...we weren't even allowed to use the same bathrooms. You had White bathrooms and Black bathrooms. So you had very serious barriers for many different people getting into that room, and I think that gets to the idea of intersectionality as well. So the more barriers that you had, the harder it was going to be. And so then you get the stereotypes, and then you get the media who promotes the stereotypes. And so that is what happened to me. So I grew up in the '80s and '90s, and just every movie I watched, every TV show portrayed somebody who was, quote, "good" with computers in a very specific way. I didn't see myself in it. So I was like, oh, I'm not there. But then, when I talk to Scott, he's like, "Oh, I never saw that. I never saw the discrimination. I just saw this stuff." That's part of it is that if you were in that position where discrimination, or difficulties, or stereotypes had been invisible to you, the onus is on you to learn and to listen. If you are in a situation where you feel like you have been in the minority, the onus is on you to find ways to become more empowered. And a lot of times, that is setting boundaries. It's advocating for yourself. It's recognizing your self-worth. And those are all things that are really hard. And saying, hey, if we want to be sustainable, everyone needs to contribute. I'm happy to train everyone, but this is not going to work. And being able to frame it, too, in terms of value, like, why? Why is it a benefit for everyone building that empathy? And you're right, I mean, there are absolutely cultures where...who was it? I think it was Edward Deming. And he said, "A single person is powerless in the face of a bad system." And so if you're in a system that isn't going to work, recognizing that and can you move into a different system? Or can you change it from within? And those are all different questions that you've got to ask based on your own fortitude, your own interests, your own resources, your own situation. There is no easy question. But it's always work. And no matter who you are, it's always work. [laughs] STEPHANIE: Yeah, yeah. I joined as co-host of this podcast just a few months ago. And I had to do a lot of reflecting on what I wanted to get out of it and what my goals were. And that's why I'm really excited to have you on here and to be using this platform to talk about things that are important to me and things that I think more people should know about or think about. So before we wrap up, Andrea, do you have anything else you want to say? ANDREA: I want to reinforce that if you feel joy from mending, it's awesome. And there are communities like legacycode.rocks. We have MenderCon, and it's a celebration of software maintenance. So it can be really great. We have a virtual meetup every Wednesday. And there's a kind of a core group of people who come, and they're like, it's like therapy because there are a lot of people who are in your situation where it's like, I'm the only person on my team who cares about automated tests, and I have no idea like...and just having people who kind of share in that struggle can be really helpful, so finding your community. And then I think software maintenance is really, really critical and really important, and I think we see it. Like, we're seeing in the news every day in terms of these larger systems going down. Just recently, Southwest Airlines and all of these flights got canceled. The maintenance work is so, so valuable. If you feel like a mender and you feel like that fits your identity, just know that there is a lot of worth in the work that you are doing, an immense amount of worth in the work that you are doing, and to continue to advocate for that. If you are a maker, yes, there is absolutely worth in the work you're doing, but learn about menders. Learn how to work together. And if you are a leader of an organization, recognize that all of these different perspectives can work together. And, again, reframe the value. So I am so grateful that you framed the conversation this way. It's so important. I'm very, very grateful to hear from you and your point of view. And I hope that you continue to push the narrative like this because it's really important. STEPHANIE: Aww, thanks. And thank you so much for being on the podcast. ANDREA: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Thanks for having me. STEPHANIE: Show notes for this episode can be found at bikeshed.fm. JOËL: This show has been produced and edited by Mandy Moore. STEPHANIE: If you enjoyed listening, one really easy way to support the show is to leave us a quick rating or even a review in iTunes. It really helps other folks find the show. JOËL: If you have any feedback for this or any of our other episodes, you can reach us @_bikeshed, or you can reach me @joelquen on Twitter. STEPHANIE: Or reach both of us at hosts@bikeshed.fm via email. JOËL: Thanks so much for listening to The Bike Shed, and we'll see you next week. ALL: Byeeeeeeeeee!!!!! ANNOUNCER: This podcast is brought to you by thoughtbot, your expert strategy, design, development, and product management partner. We bring digital products from idea to success and teach you how because we care. Learn more at thoughtbot.com.

We needed to know... do truly equal partnerships exist? To help us answer that question, we interviewed Kate Mangino. In this episode, we talk through some highlights from her book, and she gives us some fantastic tips for how we can all work towards an equal partnership at home.

Gwendolyn Dolske and Rudy Salo welcome Kate Mangino to discuss her book Equal Partners. Improving Gender Equality at Home.  Who does the work at home?  How can we communicate our needs in relationships?  What does gender equality look like?   Learn more about Kate Mangino: https://www.katemangino.com Read Kate's essay "You Might Want to Quiet Quit Housework, Too." Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/GoodIsInTheDetails    

How do you understand gender equality? Our guest Kate Mangino has written a book guiding you through how to break out of gender norms and build more significant household equity. Click here to buy "Equal Partners" https://www.katemangino.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/homedadchat/message

Gender inequality is real and can become a determining factor in many relationships. What real world issues are driving gender expectations in the home? And how can we find a middle ground that makes things more fair for both parties? Gender expert Kate Mangino tackles this in her new book, EQUAL PARTNERS (St. Martin's Press, June 2022), which is filled with stories and interviews that show how to address gender inequality at home. The book is for men as well as women, and it draws from experts to offer practical examples of a new model of gender.

Gender inequality is real and can become a determining factor in many relationships. What real world issues are driving gender expectations in the home? And how can we find a middle ground that makes things more fair for both parties? Gender expert Kate Mangino tackles this in her new book, EQUAL PARTNERS (St. Martin's Press, June 2022), which is filled with stories and interviews that show how to address gender inequality at home. The book is for men as well as women, and it draws from experts to offer practical examples of a new model of gender.

Interview with Kate Mangino / Gender Expert, Researcher, AuthorHOSTED BY PAUL SULLIVANSplitting up work at home equally doesn't mean you do the dishes and I take out the trash. It means both partners share the mental load of running a house, raising children and tending to all the things that crop up. Kate Mangino spent time with 40 men who are equal partners to their spouses – as verified by their spouses – to write her new book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. What she found was the upbringings of the 40 weren't always traditional – some were raised by single parents, some felt different growing up, some came from violent households. But their willingness to take on more of the mental load when they got married was summed up in a positive way: they felt it was better for them to be equal contributors in their relationships and they didn't feel like that was a sacrifice. Admirable stuff. But listen to learn why so many of the 40 asked for anonymity and still don't know each other.

Over the past few decades, we've made some huge strides toward building equality in our relationships. It's no longer rare for a woman to be her family's primary breadwinner, or to see a dad perusing the produce aisle with a Baby Bjorn strapped to his chest.  Yet, for many couples who arrive in couples counseling or relationship coaching, the division of household labor is still a perennial source of conflict and resentment. Many couples still fall into traditional gender roles when it comes to who's doing the cleaning, the cooking, and the shopping, even though it's now the norm for both partners to work full-time.  Furthermore, tasks or roles associated with “women's work” are often viewed as being less valuable and important than activities associated with traditional male roles. Even relationships between career-focused women and stay-at-home dads can have issues with power imbalances and inequality because we value these types of work differently based on our attitudes about gender. Relationships that feel imbalanced and unfair are not only bad for the partner who's doing most of the daily household tasks. They're bad for the relationship itself, and for both partners inside of it. Becoming truly equal partners is often the path to creating a happier, more connected, and more fulfilling relationship (and, interestingly, a better sex life), and that's what we're discussing on today's episode of the podcast.  My guest is Kate Mangino, a gender expert, speaker, and the author of “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home.” Kate is sharing wisdom from her extensive social science research, her two decades of work within the international development sector, as well her own life and relationship, to help you find more balance and create a truly equal partnership that feels fair and fulfilling.  I hope you'll tune in to this important conversation on equality in relationships, which not only applies to heterosexual couples, but to anyone who has some internalized gender scripts to interrogate (in other words, everyone!)   With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.GrowingSelf.com

Kate Mangino – Equal Partners: Improving gender equality at home...with TRE's Hannah Murray

Household heteronormativity is soooo yesterday, everyone. Or at least, it should be. Kate Mangino, author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home, joins Biz to discuss cognitive labor, the many lies of television, and how there is no "outside" and "inside" work. Plus, Biz saw a change.Get your copy of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home wherever books are sold. Learn more about Kate Mangino by visiting her website katemangino.com. Follow Kate on Twitter @manginokate.Thank you to all our listeners who support the show as monthly members of MaximumFun.org. Share your genius and fail moments! Call 206-350-9485Be sure to tell us at the top of your message whether you're leaving a genius moment, a fail, or a rant! Thanks!!Share a personal or commercial message on the show! Details at MaximumFun.org/Jumbotron.Subscribe to One Bad Mother in Apple PodcastsJoin our mailing listJoin the amazing community that is our private One Bad Mother Facebook groupFollow One Bad Mother on TwitterFollow Biz on TwitterLike us on Facebook!Get a OBM tee, tank, baby onesie, magnet or bumper sticker from the MaxFunStoreYou can suggest a topic or a guest for an upcoming show by sending an email to onebadmother@maximumfun.org.Show MusicSummon the Rawk, Kevin MacLeod (www.incompetech.com)Ones and Zeros, Awesome, Beehive SessionsMom Song, Adira Amram, Hot Jams For TeensTelephone, Awesome, Beehive SessionsMama Blues, Cornbread Ted and the ButterbeansMental Health Resources:Therapy for Black Girls – Therapyforblackgirls.comDr. Jessica Clemmens – https://www.askdrjess.comBLH Foundation – borislhensonfoundation.orgThe Postpartum Support International Warmline - 1-800-944-4773 (1-800-944-4PPD)The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Helpline - 1-800-662-4357 (1-800-662-HELP)Suicide Prevention Hotline: Call or chat. They are here to help anyone in crisis. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org and number 1-800-273-8255 and there is a chat option on the website.Crisis Text Line: Text from anywhere in the USA (also Canada and the UK) to text with a trained counselor. A real human being.USA text 741741Canada text 686868UK text 85258Website: https://www.crisistextline.orgNational Sexual Assault: Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.https://www.rainn.orgNational Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/help/Our advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in more than 200 languages. All calls are free and confidential.They suggest that if you are a victim and cannot seek help, ask a friend or family member to call for you.Teletherapy Search: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/online-counseling

Are women naturally more nurturing or are these roles simply the result of social conditioning? Any discussion revolving around a given gender's “natural” propensity towards certain roles is guaranteed to quickly get heated. In her book, Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home, Kate Mangino makes the case for gender parity within households. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nitajain.substack.com

The majority of women due far more housework than men (in heterosexual relationships). According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, women spend 47 minutes more on housework on average than men each day. This translates to roughly 5 ½ more hours each week, which doesn't include childcare, grocery shopping or errands (which women do more of as well). This gender gap has an effect on everyone.  In this episode, Dr. Kate Mangino discusses what she learned from interviewing 40 men in equal relationships to show how gender norms can restrict one or both partners in a relationship compared to what it looks like in equal relationships. Kate Mangino, PhD is a gender expert who works with international organizations to promote positive social change. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as: gender equality, women's empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. She brings her lens of social change to her debut book, Equal Partners, which addresses gender roles in the American household. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 5:51 Promoting social change as an expert and a parent. 9:14 Taking the gender equality conversation into the community. 14:02: How gender norms create inequity and limit the potential of one or both partners. 23:29 An illustration of how partners' tasks are typically divided. 37:42 What exactly is the EP40, and what did Dr. Mangino learn from them? Mentioned Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Connect with Dr. Kate Mangino Websites: katemangino.com Twitter: twitter.com/manginokate Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 5:00 The increased domestic violence during the pandemic. 7:02 Dr. Kelley's “aha!” moment that got her interested in helping people who have experienced trauma. 9:49 Why do people react differently to trauma? 14:38 Signs of a potentially abusive person. 28:50 Significant reasons why people are unable to confront or exit this situation. 38:52 Why highly sensitive people struggle more with decision making. 42:41 How to discern whether or not you should end the relationship and where someone in an abusive relationship can find support. Mentioned What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Internal Family Systems Model (*Wikipedia) Connect with Amelia Kelley Websites: ameliakelley.com — insighttimer.com/kelleycounseling Facebook: facebook.com/DrAmeliaKelley/ Twitter: twitter.com/DrAmeliaKelley Instagram: instagram.com/drameliakelley/ Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

More men and women these days are both working full-time, yet household tasks are still unevenly handled predominantly by women. We sit down with gender expert Kate Mangino about this imbalance in cognitive labor and physical chores and how more of a balance can be carved out in current relationships and future generations. Learn more: https://viewpointsradio.org/breaking-gendered-roles-in-the-household/

On this week's 51%, we speak with gender expert Kate Mangino about her new book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home, on how couples can better balance household work and promote gender equality in their personal lives. We also speak with a pair of professors at the University at Buffalo who are studying the ways college women support and protect each other at college parties. Guests: Kate Mangino, author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home; Dr. Jennifer Read, Department of Psychology chair at the University at Buffalo; Dr. Jennifer Livingston, associate professor of nursing at the University at Buffalo 51% is a national production of WAMC Northeast Public Radio. It's produced by Jesse King. Our executive producer is Dr. Alan Chartock, and our theme is "Lolita" by the Albany-based artist Girl Blue.

Gender norms are slowly changing in the everyday household. Men used to be the income providers and bring home the money while women would take care of the children and house chores. Since times have been changing, women are expecting more from their partners even as little as switching caregiving roles so the women can have some time to themselves for a minute or two. The women in my community have loved Kate's book Equal Partners and requested to have her on as a guest. Kate's role and expertise in social changes provides incredible insight into hard hitting questions from the community and change. Kate Mangino, PhD is a gender expert and professional facilitator who works with international non-profit organizations to promote positive social change. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as: gender equality, women's empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. She brings her lens of gender and social change to her debut book, Equal Partners, which addresses household gender inequality in the United States and offers practical advice as to what each of us can do to rewrite gender norms. While we are still working on changing social norms in this generation. In today's episode, we talk about gender norms and creating household balance. Kate will share what she learned during her research for her book, and she gives some excellent suggestions on how to raise conversations with your partner about gender. She will also share some data on raising boys and give some tips on how we can raise our boys to be caregivers as they grow older. In this episode we discuss: Women who had to leave the workforce to take care of the family and how that impacted the dynamic of the home. How to bring up a life changing conversation about gender roles. Encouraging boys at a young age to feel their emotions and put a name to it. Anyone can work on gender equality- not just those in a nuclear family. Why hours in a work day can be a big issue in dividing up family tasks throughout the day. Resources: Grab a copy of Kate's book, Equal Partners When Moms Outearn Their Husbands, They Gain More Housework, Study Says https://katemangino.com/ https://twitter.com/manginokate   Discount code from my sponsors: Use code LYNZY for 30% off Navy Hair Care: Navy Hair Care Shampoo + Conditioner Navy Hair Care Charcoal Mask Connect with Lynzy: Join the Motherhood Meets Medicine community at patreon.com/motherhoodmeetsmedicine Instagram: @motherhoodmeetsmedicine Sign up for the weekly newsletter here lynzyandco.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kate Mangino, Ph.D., is a gender expert and newly-minted author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. Kate has been a leader in the gender equity space for over 20 years and has worked in in women's empowerment, HIV prevention, and forced childhood marriage prevention. This week, Kate sits down with hosts Dee Martin and Caitlin Sickles to discuss the importance of couples sharing both good and bad stories, how language and set terms can help enable conversations on gender equity in the home, and her new book which serves as a guide to facilitating hard conversations with friends, family, and yourself.   Kate also gives advice for new and aspiring writers to become a part of the community and the importance of trusting yourself. This is an episode you won't want to miss!

From gender expert and professional facilitator Kate Mangino comes Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home (St. Martin's Press, 2022), an informed guide about how we can all collectively work to undo harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. As American society shut down due to Covid, millions of women had to leave their jobs to take on full-time childcare. As the country opens back up, women continue to struggle to balance the demands of work and home life. Kate Mangino, a professional facilitator for twenty years, has written a comprehensive, practical guide for readers and their partners about gender norms and household balance. Yes, part of our gender problem is structural, and that requires policy change. But much of our gender problem is social, and that requires us to change. Quickly moving from diagnosis to solution, Equal Partners focuses on what we can do, everyday people living busy lives, to rewrite gender norms to support a balanced homelife so both partners have equal time for work, family, and self. Mangino adopts an interactive model, posing questions, and asking readers to assess their situations through guided lists and talking points. Equal Partners is broad in its definition of gender and gender roles. This is a book for all: straight, gay, trans, and non-binary, parents and grandparents, and friends, with the goal to help foster gender equality in readers' homes, with their partners, family and wider community. Jane Scimeca is Professor of History at Brookdale Community College. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/new-books-network

From gender expert and professional facilitator Kate Mangino comes Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home (St. Martin's Press, 2022), an informed guide about how we can all collectively work to undo harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. As American society shut down due to Covid, millions of women had to leave their jobs to take on full-time childcare. As the country opens back up, women continue to struggle to balance the demands of work and home life. Kate Mangino, a professional facilitator for twenty years, has written a comprehensive, practical guide for readers and their partners about gender norms and household balance. Yes, part of our gender problem is structural, and that requires policy change. But much of our gender problem is social, and that requires us to change. Quickly moving from diagnosis to solution, Equal Partners focuses on what we can do, everyday people living busy lives, to rewrite gender norms to support a balanced homelife so both partners have equal time for work, family, and self. Mangino adopts an interactive model, posing questions, and asking readers to assess their situations through guided lists and talking points. Equal Partners is broad in its definition of gender and gender roles. This is a book for all: straight, gay, trans, and non-binary, parents and grandparents, and friends, with the goal to help foster gender equality in readers' homes, with their partners, family and wider community. Jane Scimeca is Professor of History at Brookdale Community College. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/gender-studies

From gender expert and professional facilitator Kate Mangino comes Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home (St. Martin's Press, 2022), an informed guide about how we can all collectively work to undo harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. As American society shut down due to Covid, millions of women had to leave their jobs to take on full-time childcare. As the country opens back up, women continue to struggle to balance the demands of work and home life. Kate Mangino, a professional facilitator for twenty years, has written a comprehensive, practical guide for readers and their partners about gender norms and household balance. Yes, part of our gender problem is structural, and that requires policy change. But much of our gender problem is social, and that requires us to change. Quickly moving from diagnosis to solution, Equal Partners focuses on what we can do, everyday people living busy lives, to rewrite gender norms to support a balanced homelife so both partners have equal time for work, family, and self. Mangino adopts an interactive model, posing questions, and asking readers to assess their situations through guided lists and talking points. Equal Partners is broad in its definition of gender and gender roles. This is a book for all: straight, gay, trans, and non-binary, parents and grandparents, and friends, with the goal to help foster gender equality in readers' homes, with their partners, family and wider community. Jane Scimeca is Professor of History at Brookdale Community College. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/sociology

From gender expert and professional facilitator Kate Mangino comes Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home (St. Martin's Press, 2022), an informed guide about how we can all collectively work to undo harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. As American society shut down due to Covid, millions of women had to leave their jobs to take on full-time childcare. As the country opens back up, women continue to struggle to balance the demands of work and home life. Kate Mangino, a professional facilitator for twenty years, has written a comprehensive, practical guide for readers and their partners about gender norms and household balance. Yes, part of our gender problem is structural, and that requires policy change. But much of our gender problem is social, and that requires us to change. Quickly moving from diagnosis to solution, Equal Partners focuses on what we can do, everyday people living busy lives, to rewrite gender norms to support a balanced homelife so both partners have equal time for work, family, and self. Mangino adopts an interactive model, posing questions, and asking readers to assess their situations through guided lists and talking points. Equal Partners is broad in its definition of gender and gender roles. This is a book for all: straight, gay, trans, and non-binary, parents and grandparents, and friends, with the goal to help foster gender equality in readers' homes, with their partners, family and wider community. Jane Scimeca is Professor of History at Brookdale Community College. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From gender expert and professional facilitator Kate Mangino comes Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home (St. Martin's Press, 2022), an informed guide about how we can all collectively work to undo harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. As American society shut down due to Covid, millions of women had to leave their jobs to take on full-time childcare. As the country opens back up, women continue to struggle to balance the demands of work and home life. Kate Mangino, a professional facilitator for twenty years, has written a comprehensive, practical guide for readers and their partners about gender norms and household balance. Yes, part of our gender problem is structural, and that requires policy change. But much of our gender problem is social, and that requires us to change. Quickly moving from diagnosis to solution, Equal Partners focuses on what we can do, everyday people living busy lives, to rewrite gender norms to support a balanced homelife so both partners have equal time for work, family, and self. Mangino adopts an interactive model, posing questions, and asking readers to assess their situations through guided lists and talking points. Equal Partners is broad in its definition of gender and gender roles. This is a book for all: straight, gay, trans, and non-binary, parents and grandparents, and friends, with the goal to help foster gender equality in readers' homes, with their partners, family and wider community. Jane Scimeca is Professor of History at Brookdale Community College. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://newbooksnetwork.supportingcast.fm/public-policy

As American society shut down due to Covid, millions of women had to leave their jobs to take on full-time childcare. As the country opens back up, women continue to struggle to balance the demands of work and home life. Kate Mangino, a professional facilitator for twenty years, has written a comprehensive, practical guide for readers and their partners about gender norms and household balance. Yes, part of our gender problem is structural, and that requires policy change. But much of our gender problem is social, and that requires us to change.Quickly moving from diagnosis to solution, Equal Partners focuses on what we can do, everyday people living busy lives, to rewrite gender norms to support a balanced homelife so both partners have equal time for work, family, and self. Enjoy an excerpt of this informative new audiobook from Kate Mangino.Purchase Equal Partners at Amazon, Audible, Bookshop.org, or your favorite bookstore.Check out all the Quick and Dirty Tips shows.Subscribe to the Relationship Doctor podcast. Join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter.Links:https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/podcastshttps://www.quickanddirtytips.com/subscribehttps://www.facebook.com/quickdirtytipshttps://twitter.com/quickdirtytips

You have no idea how far we are out of tune...

You have no idea how far we are out of tune...

This interview is part of a new series from Apple News In Conversation called Think Again — a guide to reimagining work, home, relationships, and more. In this episode, In Conversation host Shumita Basu talks with Kate Mangino, a gender expert and the author of the book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. Mangino points to research that shows women still take on the majority of household responsibilities in different-sex relationships — and she argues there’s a better way for partners to balance the mental and physical labor of running a home. Mangino offers strategies to bring more equity and fairness into our partnerships. Below are excerpts from the interview.

Mentioned in this Episode: Equal Partnershttps://read.macmillan.com/lp/equal-partners/  For more on Kate Mangino, you can follow her on Instagram @manginokate22, on Twitter @aManginoKate and through their website https://katemangino.com/.  For more on Argavan Nilforoush, be sure to follow her on Instagram @babystepsnutrition, on Facebook: Baby Steps Nutrition page, on Twitter @argavanRDN, on LinkedIn @ArgavanNilforoush and through her website www.babystepsnutrition.com.

In households all over the world, women continue to do the majority of the cleaning and care giving. We acknowledge it, but often that's is as far as it goes. Kate Mangino is a gender expert who talks to men who do help more.

Kate Mangino, PhD, is a gender expert and professional facilitator who has been working internationally for nearly 20 years. She is the author of the new book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equity at Home, an informed guide about how readers can rewrite harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. Find out more about Kate at her website: https://www.katemangino.com Find Kate on Twitter: @ManginoKate Pre-order Kate's book here Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  Aura Frame turns your family's past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.  Beam's Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off. Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you'll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING. Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box! Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD. Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you're instantly approved. Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH. Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child's first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more. Pinhook vintages are a little different and feature an up-and-coming thoroughbred on each label. Text “laughing” to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper. Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing. Renzo's Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off. Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features. StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kate Mangino is right: “The last thing any working parent needs is to add ‘solve gender inequality' to their to-do list.”  But if we don't think about gender inequality in the home, we might end up unintentionally perpetuating it. After all, for most of our lives, females have been assumed to be the primary and "natural" caretakers of home and family, while males have been primarily expected to earn a living. Those roles are shifting, of course, but facts are facts: women still bear the brunt of household chores and do most caretaking.  Creating gender equality "We're talking about a social system that we're all born into," says Kate, a gender expert, mom of two, and author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. "The way we raise boys and the toys that we give them and the values that we instill in them lead them to value income generation more than anything else. "We have to recognize these 'tracks' we're putting our kids on and break that cycle." Men who are equal partners in their homes and families are generally very satisfied with their lives. "I feel good about myself," they told Kate. "and have a great relationship with my spouse. I have a great relationship with my kids." When we don't teach boys the skills they need to be equal partners at home, we are unnecessarily limiting them.  Teaching boys to notice what needs to be done "Noticing time" is a strategy Kate uses to teach her son and daughter the cognitive skills required to effectively manage a home. "When I give my kids a chore list, they're not going cognitive labor; I'm training my kids to be helpers," she says. "Noticing time" is intended to help kids anticipate and plan for necessary tasks. Instead of telling her kids what to do, she instead sets a timer and asks them to figure out what needs to be done. "The first time I tried this, it was a joke," she admits. The family living room was a lived-in mess, complete with empty food containers and scattered silverware. But both kids thought the room looked fine. Over time, though, their ability to notice and act improved. "They started to see what gets messy quickly," Kate says. "They realized that the sink in their bathroom is often gross, so that's a good starting point for them. Now, they know what to do and the house looks better. I'm getting both of them to the point where they're capable of doing the cognitive labor" it takes to run a home and family. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kate discuss: Ebbs and flows of gender equality at home Traditional "male" and "female" roles in the home How parenting practices affect gender equality Talking about household responsibilities Valuing caregiving How gender equality in the home benefits boys & men The "men's glass ceiling" Maternal gatekeeping "Noticing time" Establishing family standards Giving boys opportunities to contribute Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home, by Kate Mangino The Equal Partner Quiz -- mentioned at 22:35 Mom's Hierarchy of Needs -- mentioned at 19:01 Single Parenting with Wealthy Single Mommy Emma Johnson -- ON BOYS episode Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen's newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison's real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy  Sponsor Spotlight: Dr. Mary Wilde's Resilience School Online, 8-week program that includes video lessons, a downloadable workbook, and ongoing membership to The Courage Circle, a private Facebook community where families can receive support and celebrate successes.

Modern moms carry an unfair share of the invisible load—the mental and emotional labour of taking care of the house and raising the kids. The problem is widespread—and breaking out of the pattern can be tough. But with the right approach, we can learn how to share the mental load at home in a fair and intentional way. I sat down with Kate Mangino, gender expert and author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home for a two-part discussion on the way gender norms shape the distribution of labour in the home. In part 1, we discussed the impact of that imbalance. Today, we dive into ways we unintentionally reinforce gender norms and how to break away from them. Show Notes: https://bit.ly/3ArFukU

Do you feel you shoulder more of the burden than you should when it comes to work around your home? Do you wish you could change that? On this episode, we look at gender inequality at home with our guest, gender expert and professional facilitator Kate Mangino, who's the author of the new book, "Equal Partners: Improving Gender Inequity at Home." Her website is https://katemangino.com/ Thanks to our sponsors of this episode! --> AirMedCare Network: AirMedCare Network provides world-class air transport services to the nearest, appropriate hospital or trauma center. AMCN Members have the added value of knowing their flight expenses are completely covered when flown by an AMCN provider. For as little as $85 a year, it covers your entire household, every day, 24/7, even when traveling. AMCN is the largest medical air transport membership in the country, covering 38 states. For just pennies a day, you can worry less about what matters most. This is security no family should be without. Now, as a Nobody Told Me! listener, you'll get up to a $50 eGift Card when you join. Visit www.airmedcarenetwork.com/nobody and use the offer code NOBODY. -->Castus: CASTUS is a team of business development experts that enables B2B e-commerce to streamline the relationship between wholesalers and resellers. They create custom digital storefronts that cater to both your products and buyers to drive online orders and strengthen brand loyalty. Castus's in-depth expertise working in backend logistics to frontend consumer experiences, and everything in between makes them the perfect full-cycle partner for your business growth. Visit their website, castusglobal.com/nobodytoldme to set up a no-obligation, one-on-one consultation with one of their experts and learn more! --> Feals: Feals is a premium CBD delivered directly to your doorstep. Simply put, it's a better way to keep your head clear and feel better. CBD isn't about what you feel. It's about what you don't feel – stress, anxiety, pain. CBD is one of the active compounds found in the hemp plant. It works naturally without any mind altering effects or "high" for the person using it. Feals also offers a free CBD hotline to help guide your personal experience so that you find your perfect dose. The Feals Customer Service team is dedicated to making sure you get the best use of your CBD. Joining the Feals monthly membership makes your self-care easy. You'll save money on every order and you can pause or cancel any time. Start feeling better with Feals! Become a member today by going to www.feals.com/NOBODYTOLDME and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The vast majority of my clients who are in different-sex relationships share a common concern. “My husband doesn't help around the house.” The invisible load in the home is real—and gender is the number one predictor of who carries it.  Kate Mangino, gender expert and author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home, joins me to discuss the role gender plays in the distribution of invisible labour. In part 1, we focus on where gender norms in our relationship come from and how they impact all partners. (For the second part of our conversation, how to break out of gender norms and improve equality, catch our upcoming episode!)Show Notes: https://bit.ly/3bydAJo

Hosted by Andrew Keen, Keen On features conversations with some of the world's leading thinkers and writers about the economic, political, and technological issues being discussed in the news, right now. In this episode, Andrew is joined by Kate Mangino, author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. Kate Mangino is a gender expert who works with international organizations to promote social change. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as: gender equality, women's empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. Mangino is a technical advisor and regular contributor to Fathering Together. Her writing can be found on Scary Mommy, Medium, and Substack. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If chores are divided unequally in your household, blame societal norms. Kate Mangino is a gender expert and regular contributor to Fathering Together, and she joins host Krys Boyd to discuss how we can establish household equity through examining cultural expectations. Plus, we'll hear practical tips for sharing the load. Her book is “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home.”

Gender equality is an important issue with broad societal implications. A great place to start addressing gender equality is in your current or future relationships. Listen to today's show to learn more about creating a gender equitable relationship. In this episode with Kate Mangino, we discuss relationship advice topics that include: How to talk about gender equality when dating Who should pay for a meal when you're dating? Addressing the disconnect between values and behavior in ourselves and others What to do when one partner carries more of the load at home and work How men can be an ally to women Talking with your children about gender And much more! Sponsors Like A Kitten curates adult subscription boxes created to inspire and influence female sexual wellness. Like A Kitten is offering our listeners 15% off AND free shipping when you go to LikeAKitten.com/ido OR enter code IDO at checkout. BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Start living a happier life today and get 10% off  your first month by visiting BetterHelp.com/IDO. Foria is an innovative health and sexual wellness company that designs all-natural sexual intimacy products for women, people with vulvas, and the people who love them. Get 20% off your first order by visiting foriawellness.com/ido. Everlywell offers at-home lab tests, vitamins and supplements that can help you get the knowledge and support you need, so you can become a healthier you. Receive a special 20% discount on an at-home lab test at everlywell.com/ido. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah

In this episode, Blessing is joined by Kate Mangino.Kate is a gender expert and professional facilitator. In the past she has been a full-time employee of Social Impact, CEDPA and Plan USA - and for the past 10 years has been consulting for many development organizations: Counterpart International, Encompass World, Plan USA, IBTCI, Peace Corps, White Ribbon Alliance, etc. Kate's debut book, Equal Partners, is out in June 2022.    Blessing and Kate discuss Gender inequality on the Homefront and how social conditioning of boys and girls contributes to it. They also touch on how improving gender inequality takes intentionality by everyone and every arm of our society. They include in their conversation; statistics and data around the issue of Gender Inequality.  This podcast is in partnership with Indeed, the world's number one job site, a company committed to helping women find better work. Visit www.indeed.com/betterwork and join us as we #LevelUpWithIndeed. Become a member of the Mother Honestly Private Network by visiting www.motherhonestly.com/membership and if you are a Company seeking support for your employees and their families, visit www.motherhonestly.com/atwork to provide real solutions at home and at work. The Motherboard has launched! Get feedback, coaching, and advice on big decisions with the nation's leading thought-leaders on the homefront and workfront, visit www.motherhonestly.com/motherboard to get personalized guidance tailored to you. You can also expense this cost as a stipend, Learning and Development, and or Professional Development You can visit today's guest here Kate Mangino 

Kate Mangino, PhD is a gender expert and professional facilitator who works with international non-profit organizations to promote positive social change. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as: gender equality, women's empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. She brings her lens of gender and social change to her debut book, Equal Partners, which addresses household gender inequality in the United States and offers practical advice as to what each of us can do to rewrite gender norms.Today on the show, the two discuss how Kate's passion for gender equality blossomed over time, as well as some of the contents of her forthcoming book, titled “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home”. This episode serves as a reminder to all mothers to rewrite the mother code and that each one of us gets to create our own unique definition of what it means to be a good, quality mother.Today on Mot(HER):How Kate become interested in in studying gender imbalancesSome of the gender imbalances that are addressed in Kate's book, “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home” What does healthy masculinity mean and look like?Creating new meaning when adhering to gendered traditions within weddings etc.Applying gender equality within partnershipThe importance of revisiting gender roles after each big life eventWhy you should establish your own definition of what it means to be a motherConnect with Kate Mangino:Website: katemangino.comBook: “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home” Twitter: @manginokateJoin Dr. Gertrude's community online:Visit her website to learn more about Rewrite The Mother Code®: drgertrudelyons.com/Follow Dr. Gertrude on Instagram: @drgertrudelyonsSign up for Dr. Gertrude's NewsletterDownload Dr. Gertrude's FREE ebooks and explore your own Mothering Journey:To the woman who is unsure if she wants to have childrenTo the woman who never wants to have childrenTo the woman who is certain she wants children in the futureTo the woman who has a childThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions