One Life, One Skin

Getting to know your FEELINGS Better    I feel. How many times have you heard yourself say this? Everybody feels. I feel. You feel. We feel. He feels. She feels. They feel. But what are feelings? How do we express them and how do we measure them?   Tears prickle down our cheek after watching a dog die in a film – we’re feeling sad. We smile wide after our beau tells us they love us – we’re feeling happy. We walk along with our head held high, like we’re walking on air – we’re feeling good. Feelings dominate and dictate to us how we live, how we act and behave. Without feelings how would we ever know anything? How would we know how to react to something? We’re around someone we like and are attracted to them and we catch feelings. Are feelings contagious? Where do they come from? How do feelings differ from emotions? I reckon that to understand more we need to understand what emotions are first and foremost.   Well, emotions obviously originate in our brains and they’re caused by lower-level responses made in the parts of our grey matter that’re associated with our conscious thoughts, reasoning and decision-making. It’s these little responses that are firing off all the time that create biochemical and electrical reactions in our bodies which then in turn alter its physical state. There you go. That’s how we experience emotions – they’re essentially bodily reactions activated through neurotransmitters and hormones. Emotions shape us, who we are and how we deal with stuff and navigate through life. We can be heavily swayed by our emotions and they can mould how we see things and how we therefore react.   So, feelings are a conscious experience of our emotional reactions. I guess it’s a bit like your brain trying to compute and analyse the emotion and then assigning a meaning to it.   How can we measure feelings? They’re very much qualitative as opposed to quantitative. You can ask someone outright how they’re feeling. You can ask them to draw on a sliding scale of how they are feeling that particular day or about a particular topic or theme. You’ve no doubt seen those scales – a sad face at one end and a smiley one at the opposite end. In retrospect you can ask how something made someone feel.   We all have them, whether we want them or not. They’re there and they often tug away at us to let us know that they’re there and they take no prisoners. Can you recall times when you’ve tried like hell to block them out or completely unacknowledged altogether? They aren’t in the habit of letting you off the hook so easily.   There’s such a huge volume of them and they can all attack at once at times, especially if you have suffered with mental health conditions, leaving you confused and simply exhausted. And then people expect you to talk about them. How can you talk about something you don’t understand yourself. Feelings don’t discriminate – they’re just there existing and doing their job, shouting and screaming the loudest, attempting to hold your attention.   So, how do we often go about expressing ourselves? Thanks to social media we can be lazy so-and-sos about it, simply expressing our thoughts and feelings using a string of emojis. No need to actually write a response to a message, we can just tap on one of our faithful friends – the emoji. Job done and all is clear to the recipient. People may choose to express themselves through the medium of the written word and scribbling or typing away can be very therapeutic. Diaries and journals can be a fantastic release, as can blogs. People may prefer to speak and there’s multiple platforms for this, including vlogs or live stream videos.   If you’re not used to sharing sensitive stuff about yourself, bad feelings can have a nasty habit of becoming buried and hidden, you may find you’re topping up with negativity. Oftentimes it won’t go away no matter how hard you’re willing it to. It’s made of robust material and will keep elbowing its way back into your stream of consciousness. It’s at this point that you’ll have to find a healthy way to cope, or you’ll plunge head-first down a deeply darkened path. There are loads of reasons why we don’t share; fear of judgement or ridicule, hopelessness, low self-esteem, afraid to admit negative feelings… all incredibly valid. Here are some ways in which you can try to combat the crap in your head and save it from engulfing and suffocating you:   Tough one this, but try NOT to obsess TOO much. You know the drill, you’re harbouring bad feelings about something and your mind is itching to keep it hostage. You’re replaying it over and over and over again. It’s worse than a scratched record and goes on for longer than those 80s pop extended 12 inch mixes. These nasty little seeds will grow as they’re fed and watered by more feelings and they will bloom like a ten-foot, terrifying man-eating plant, so try and dial it down. What’s brought on these feelings in the first place? Offer yourself a balanced perspective. Weigh up both sides. Is there a worse case scenario? Yes absolutely acknowledge it but also acknowledge other probabilities and the more likely outcome. Feelings build up and can harm, hinder and cloud your judgement so thinking rationally and lucidly should offer you a way to fight through the fog. As Frankie said, “Relax.” Try and park the feelings and concentrate on doing something you enjoy and will bring you much-needed respite from your feelings. Even if you can forget for 5 or 10 minutes, maybe condition yourself to push those feelings aside for longer, gradually. Read a book or magazine, take a bath or a walk, or go and get your nails done. Learn to be mindful when you are hit with these feelings and as you learn more about how you handle them, you should get better at doing so, and recognising dangers earlier. Try and loosen the anchor the feelings have over you so they’re not so wedged in. If you’re constantly revisiting these feelings, you’re robbing yourself of valuable time living your life.       Treatments such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy are aimed at presenting you with coping mechanisms for negative feelings and emotions and allow you to pinpoint them, the reasons why they’ve got such a firm grip on you, and assist you to change the way you behave, act, and think in response to those bad feelings. There’s absolutely no shame in visiting a medical professional if it’s all getting on top of you. Again, if you struggle to get the words out, write it down and simply hand it to them.   Feelings make us human and they make us unique. So, embrace the good feelings, the ones which help us feel alive. The ones which make us giggle and laugh out loud, the ones which make us beam with pride, the ones which make us feel alive and that our existence is fabulous. Celebrate and acknowledge them – the good, the bad and the ugly – they’re part of us and life would certainly be boring without them. To feel is to truly feel alive.   Is there any topic you would like me to cover? I’m here to try and educate, inform, reassure and spread a bit of light and love in a world that at times can feel dark and despairing. We all need the positivity and to raise our vibration. There are different ways that you can reach out to me. Follow my page on Facebook, One Life, One Skin. I also have a One, Life, One Skin group you can request to join. I keep my R U OK podcast up-to-date and add regular topics and themes. You can check out my website www.ashleycahill.co.uk which list my treatments and products. Do get in touch. I’m open to hearing your opinions and answering your questions. I love helping people be the person they were born to be.   You may be interested that I will be running an online course in health, wellbeing and lifestyle later this year. Do let me know if you’re wanting to know more and I can get you signed up to my mailing list.    

LIVING WITH DEMENTIA   This is an incredibly emotive subject area for me – living with dementia. It touches every part of my life and my dear parents are both living with dementia. It is a monumentally tragic and heart-breaking condition. I wanted to chat a bit about it here to attempt to shine a small light on what it is, the signs and symptoms to watch out for, and how to support someone living with it. As you know from listening to my podcasts, I’m all for educating and extending my knowledge out to you. So, if I can raise crucial awareness and, maybe, bring comfort to someone who’s affected, then I’ll be a happy and content woman.   By the year 2025, it’s estimated that around 1 million people in the UK will either have a diagnosis or developing the condition. There’s about 850,000 now so a significant rise is, sadly, on the horizon.   It impacts EVERYTHING, and I mean everything. There’s no way to shine this, or sugar-coat in sprinkles, it’s hard. If you’re a fan of Casualty, you’ll no doubt have been moved to tears by Duffy’s battle which got progressively worse and her deterioration, in front of her beloved husband, loved ones and friends, was painfully said to witness. I do commend the programme on highlighting such a devastating condition, particularly in a prime-time Saturday evening viewing slot.   So, what exactly is it. It’s a syndrome, meaning a group of associated symptoms, that relate to an ongoing decline of functioning of the brain. The brain is damaged and it’s progressive which basically means that things will get worse over time. Treatment is fairly limited and there’s nothing which will suit all the varying types. There are many ways in which it can affect a person, such as:   Difficulties with carrying out activities on a daily basis Loss of memory The speed at which you are thinking Understanding Judgement Your mood Mental quickness or being mentally sharp   Drilling down a little further into what the types are, let me just cover the basics of each for you…   Alzheimer’s – notably the most common, making up a lot of diagnoses, and the one most of you will have heard of before. Early on, it will affect the brain’s hippocampus, which holds our bank of memories. Forgetting peoples’ names, places and conversations are indicators of the fist sign of Alzheimer’s. It progresses slowly and can be difficult to pinpoint and is often just put down to ‘getting old.’   Vascular dementia accounts for about 150,000 people in the UK and the second most common. About a fifth of people who have a stroke go on to develop this and that person may also suffer TIAs, which are Transient Ischemic Attacks or mini strokes.   Dementia with Lewy bodies. This can exhibit the same symptoms as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s and can actually get misdiagnosed. Years before they’re diagnosed it can cause disturbances with sleep in some people. A lot of people with it have visual hallucinations and problems with movement, putting them at higher risk of having a fall.   Frontotemporal dementia, this is less common and is also referred to as frontal lobe dementia or Pick’s disease. It tends to affect those under 65 and diagnosis generally happens between 45 – 65. Memory isn’t really impaired but there can be problems with language, behaviour and changes in personality.   Dementia in younger people is a thing. Those who display symptoms before 65 and regarded as having something called younger-onset dementia and about 42,000 people fall into this category.   Around 10% are diagnosed with mixed dementia which is usually a combination of Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, or Alzheimer’s with Lewy bodies.   So, things to be increasingly mindful of. You may have your concerns about someone dear to you. This is by no means an exhaustive list but a snapshot of symptoms. Nor is it a diagnostic checklist and it doesn’t necessarily mean that person has dementia. I hope this helps:   Feeling a constant need to walk or pace around Have trouble focussing on their usual hobbies or TV shows Losing their personal items, like glasses Poor judgement Becoming paranoid or delusional Resistant to any change Struggling to swallow food Changes with their continence Hesitating when floor coverings have been changed Personality changes Trouble with completing simple daily tasks Confusion with the time of day Getting lost in usual and familiar places Mobility issues General problems with using language Repetition of words, phrases or asking questions Mood swings   If you have concerns or suspicions never, ever just leave it and assume it’s just an ordinary sign of aging. Though the above listed signs don’t mean they automatically have dementia, it’s crucial you seek help, guidance and support. Better to be safe than sorry and you may end up regretting not taking it seriously.   Treatments can include medication and complementary therapy such as CBT or life story work. It’s vital to note that they might also have other health conditions such as Diabetes or heart disease, so they will have to have support juggling any medication.   It’s a monumental life event to be diagnosed, not just for the one living with it, but for loved ones. There’s lots of factors to take into consideration and many adaptations and alterations may have to be made.   I’ve listed some ways in which you can provide support and help:   Preserving loving and emotive memories will be important, and there are ways in which you can help with this, such as using life story books, prompts from past times which may trigger memories, etc Making sure they have a healthy and balanced diet, and that it looks appealing and appetising. Be mindful of any swallowing difficulties Making environmental adjustments, like specialist aids and adaptations, like dementia-friendly clock, handrails, well-lit seating areas, setting maximum TV and radio sound levels Accessible garden area with sensory stimulation Alarms, detectors and sensors for things like water flowing in baths and sinks Instruction signs around the home   These are just a few, of which there will be many. The main thing to note is that you may feel useless and that you’re not offering much help and support. You’re doing the best you can and all you can. It’s tough for you aswell so look after yourself because you can’t run on empty and if a loved one has become dependent on you, you need to be at the top of your game, mostly reacting and staying vigilant and high-alert. Always be kind to yourself and never, ever blame that person. It’s not their fault and they may not understand what is happening to them. Get support when you need it and never try and bear the brunt yourself, speak to your GP and don’t be ashamed to admit it if you’re struggling.   Is there any topic you would like me to cover? I’m here to try and educate, inform, reassure and spread a bit of light and love in a world that at times can feel dark and despairing. We all need the positivity and to raise our vibration. There are different ways that you can reach out to me. Follow my page on Facebook, One Life, One Skin. I also have a One, Life, One Skin group you can request to join. I keep my podcast up-to-date and add regular topics and themes. You can check out my website www.ashleycahill.co.uk which list my treatments and products. Do get in touch. I’m open to hearing your opinions and answering your questions. I love helping people be the person they were born to be.   You may be interested that I will be running an online course in health, wellbeing and lifestyle later this year. Do let me know if you’re wanting to know more and I can get you signed up to my mailing list.      

IMMUNE SYSTEMS  Lockdown has catapulted us into a new world. One that is certainly strange and unprecedented. I think you’ll all agree it’s tough to comprehend it. How did this even happen you might well be wondering? Whatever your views are on this rogue virus that has insidiously crashed like a tidal wave onto global shores and seeped through countries like a molten lava, being in lockdown will have taken some effect on aspects of your life – your job, your income, your family and friends, your health…   I want to discuss the immune system today; what it is, how it protects us, how we can have weakened systems and the types of things that cause it, and how we can keep it boosted and ourselves fighting fit. It’s in your best interests to make friends with your immune system, if you haven’t already, and at this pivotal point, you must do all you can to keep it topped up. Whilst we are all shielded away from society, there is a very real risk your immunity will start to suffer, so please take heed!   What is it? It’s simply our body’s defence against disease and fights off nasty infections. It’s an extremely complicated network of cells and proteins, all beavering away doing their job and trying to make you as safe as possible. It keeps a tally of every rogue germ it’s ever successfully fought off, like a photographic memory. If it comes into contact with those germs again, it sends it on its way. When we’re born and first vacate the womb we slowly build up our immunity.   As humans we have three basic types of immunity:   Passive – which is borrowed from another source but it doesn’t last for a long time. So, think antibodies in a mum’s breast milk that she’s using to feed her new-born baby with. Innate – what we’re all born with. A general blanket of immunity and protection we all have. So, think about your skin and how it blocks germs from getting into your body, that sort of thing. Adaptive – this is something that will alter and develop throughout our lives. This is the result of when we’re exposed to germs and diseases and also vaccinated against those diseases, producing the immunity to them.   Antibodies are produced by the immune system and these are vital as they help stop viruses from entering the body, springing the immune system into action and hopefully bat the infection off and keep you well.   Of course, there’s a shed load of illness and conditions that can indicate there’s a problem with the old immune system and you’re most probably aware of most, if not all. You’ve no doubt had a fair few too. Here are some warning signs to keep a watchful eye on:   Cold hands Prolonged bouts of diarrhoea or constipation Tiredness Dry eyes A mild fever Headaches Joint ache Repeated infections Sensitive to sun Numbness or tingling in your hands and feet   By listening to your body and knowing when something’s not quite right is key because if your immunity is down then you’ll be highly exposed to catching all kinds. Sadly, there are those of us who have a weak system, and that’ll mean they’re far more prone to picking up bugs, etc. Certain illnesses can batter down the immune system and cause people to become immunocompromised. These can include HIV, some cancers and viral hepatitis.   So, what kinds of things can keep it supressed?:   Not getting enough sleep Stress and anxiety Not enough levels of Vitamin D Paltry amounts of fruit and veg High-fats Too much time staying indoors Alcohol and smoking Not enough exercise Grief   It doesn’t take a genius to work out that while panic, fear and anxiety is rippling throughout the globe, people’s immune systems may be suffering as a result. Also, if we’re asking people to stay indoors apart from essential shopping trips, meds runs, exercise, etc, there’s still a real risk that pure fear will keep people inside because they’re terrified of picking up Covid-19. So we have to make sure we’re doing all we can to keep ourselves – and our adored loved ones – fit and healthy.   Going by the list above it’s a pretty fair indicator of what we need to be doing. Overdose as much as you can on fruit and veg. I promise you that it tastes nice. Supermarkets should have an ample supply of the leafy greens and the citrus fruits and the other good stuff we ought to be cramming into our diet. Some immune-booster foods are button mushrooms, acai berries, wheat germ, watermelon, oysters, spinach, low-fat yoghurt, sweet potatoes, tea, garlic, broccoli, chicken soup and ginger. So grab these and also consider making sure those who are vulnerable have some in too.   If you’re not wanting to leave your home to exercise, there’s other stuff you can do to get it in and even better if you can make it part of your routine. Walk up and down your stairs if you have them or jog on the spot, maybe start off jogging for a minute or two during Corrie’s commercial break! Regular aerobic exercise helps stave off infections and it helps keep the blood pumped around your body. Try and keep the stress and anxiety on the downlow. There’s some practical ways of doing this such as switching off the news and limit your scrolling on social media time – this is where hysteria can spread more than any virus with misinformation! Try and focus on your breathing and being ion the now. You could download a mindfulness app or listen to some of your favourite music to chill you out – whether it’s a bit of Kylie, Mozart or Pavarotti, whatever helps, helps. Force yourself to go outside where you can be exposed to the sun; there’s no better feeling than have it beating down on your face and it might lift your mood and spirits. Even if it’s 20 minutes. You could walk or just go into your garden or yard, or sit on your step or wall. Try and curb the alcohol and smoking. I know it feels like it’s an extended bank holiday that lasts for weeks on end but that’s no excuse to ply yourself with booze all the time. Limit your intake. Your body and your mind will thank you for it. Isn’t it refreshing to wake up minus a hangover, especially if you can’t even go to Maccies for a bacon and egg McMuffin for a cure. Same goes with smoking, try and decrease slowly.   Attempt to get restful and uninterrupted sleep and establish a healthy pre-bedtime routine that will leave you sleeping soundly. You could see if reading helps you to nod off, whatever helps, and you’ll find your own routine eventually.   Uphold basic hygiene and your immune systems will be happy and you’ll be less likely to get infections. I know it’s been hammered home to us but do wash your hands properly (and also get yourself a nice hand cream to give your hands some much-needed TLC). Hang back on sharing dishes, utensils, glasses and cutlery you know have been used by others. If you get a graze or cut, wash and bandage appropriately. Also, don’t pick at any cuts, sores, pimples or wounds. Basically, look after yourself and follow the rules you mum and dad were always drilling into you growing up.   By picking up healthy habits and behaviour, you can give your immune system a bunk-up, allowing it to protect you and keep you from harm’s way as much as it can. Be kind to your body and your body will be kinder to you.   Is there any topic you would like me to cover? I’m here to try and educate, inform, reassure and spread a bit of light and love in a world that at times can feel dark and despairing. We all need the positivity and to raise our vibration. There are different ways that you can reach out to me. Follow my page on Facebook, One Life, One Skin. I also have a One, Life, One Skin group you can request to join. I keep my podcast up-to-date and add regular topics and themes. You can check out my website www.ashleycahill.co.uk which list my treatments and products. Do get in touch. I’m open to hearing your opinions and answering your questions. I love helping people be the person they were born to be. You may be interested that I will be running an online course in health, wellbeing and lifestyle later this year. Do let me know if you’re wanting to know more and I can get you signed up to my mailing list.

REINVENTING YOURSELF & CHANGING YOUR CAREER   Do you often find that you constantly jolt yourself out of daydreams where the dream theme is your good self doing a job that you’re not doing at the moment? Sure, we are all struck down with work fatigue from time to time, there are so many factors that can come into play – not getting paid enough, awful bosses, not enough holidays, bogged down with too much responsibility, stress and anxiety, feeling underappreciated and undervalued… This list can quite literally run away with itself.   It is one thing to air the occasional grievance, have the odd moan, laugh and joke that you’re being taken the mickey out of by the powers that be. But if the situation is causing you major turmoil, unrest and distress, affecting your mental and physical health, your surrounding relationships, and you want to get out of bed in the morning as much as you want a giant hole in your head, is it time to consider taking the control back and switching career? We’re not just talking about changing job, i.e. going to work for a different company where you will perform the same role, we’re talking actual career change.   Yes, it’s a big almighty scary monster even contemplating doing this. You might have been working there for many years, have your feet planted firmly under the table, have celebrated many career highlights and successes, made firm friends you think more of than your own family, etc. But, on the flip side, has it been equally as damaging? We find that we can become too complacent and our personal and professional growth and development is stagnating as a result. We evolve all the time and are always changing in every way. You may have had your heart set on a particular career from an early age. Ploughed your all into achieving what you set out to do. Studied furiously to get the grades, rehearsed for that interview like crazy, researched the company like nothing before… You knew what you wanted to do and made sure it happened. If this sounds familiar, can you reflect upon what made or steered you down that path? What inspired, motivated and carried you through so much that you were able to reach your destination? More importantly, does that still ring true? Does your career still make you beam so proudly? When you discuss it, does your heart skip a beat because you get that caught up in the excitement? Do you want to be doing this for the rest of your working days? Or, do you yearn for something different?   If you fancy a change and a swift about-turn down life’s long and windy road, that’s perfectly acceptable. We need to thrive and shine and show our potential, it’s an innate part of who we are as humans. As we age gracefully – or indeed disgracefully – many things change – our core belief system, passions, morals, etc. Our priorities or circumstances might alter, or we may have a deep craving to turn to something else, to be something else. Some of the reasons why a career change may suit you can include:   You are screaming out for a new challenge – those company mission statements might not float your boat anymore. You may have grown tired and bored at what you do. You are growing and this career is dragging you back. You have different values or responsibilities – shifts can occur at every turn which will have an impact on this: you might need to seek better or a more relaxed sense of financial security, or you’re braced to brave the world of freelancing or self-employment rather than be shackled to a company you just don’t believe in anymore. You want to shift focus – you might have family responsibilities and reckon it’ time to pull the plug on your career but maybe you fancy doing a little something else on the side, or you’ve set your sights on seeing the world and need a career that can work around your flexible needs. You’ve always secretly fancied trying your hand at something else and forever promise yourself those two words… ‘One day.’ When will that day come though? Maybe it’s time to bring that into the here and now and act soon to make it a reality. We often find our wistful selves pondering over the what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens. Wouldn’t you just want to suck it up and see for yourself? Make new memories and new stories to tell your kids and grandkids? Imagine how inspired they will be when they hear your cool tale. You’re just not happy anymore. Your whole being is shrinking day by day and you are losing your sense of sense, you’re becoming a caricature and you don’t know how to haul yourself out of this hell hole.   Take the time to think about all of this and have the balls to be honest with yourself, you have to be accountable with the person you see before you in the mirror. Are you ashamed to look at who you are or can you look yourself in the eye and know that you’re giving yourself the best possible chances, life, opportunities?   There is every chance that you fell into your existing career by accident. Never quite sure what you wanted to do ‘when you grew up’ has resulted into you fitting snugly into presented comfortable opportunities, and a way to earn your keep. It’s never too late. You may have believed your ideal career was beyond you or you wouldn’t have the talent/skills/knowledge. Then learn. The wonderful thing about the magical organ we have upstairs – the brain – is that it laps up a thirst for knowledge and skills like crazy, like its life depends on it. We can feed our brain forever and it will continue to adore us and want the best for us. Your dream career might be deep-rooted, buried in your subconscious mind. It just needs to be brought to the surface.   Long ago, in a classroom not so far away from you, you might have hankered a dream to become a writer. No chance you said, I can’t write. Then you realise that very recently you had to write a blog or a little how-to guide or article on whatever it is you do now… isn’t that writing? Isn’t that an edge closer to where you wanted to be in life? Opportunities will present themselves. You’ve been desperate all this time to become a tutor… Oh look, there’s a heavily-discounted tutoring course you could very easily do. Open your eyes and if it’s meant to be the universe will sure enough work in your favour. It’s hard. There’s no easy way to shirk the work ahead if you’ve got your heart set on changing career paths. But hard work is the key to success and just imagine what you could achieve. So, what do you do? Once you’ve made that choice to make the leap your heart should be racing and you will stop at nothing to make it happen. You can look at courses, there’s so many online and part-time or evening courses about in almost anything. Seek advice from a careers advisor – they can help you at any age – you don’t have to be a teenager. You should understand that making the transition will take time and you might have to take some sacrifices. Know that you are entitled to feel the way that you do and you ought to be happy. It’s never too late to change career and can happen at any point and age. Have confidence in your ability to make the switch and trust your judgement and your gut instinct. You can do it.   Is there any topic you would like me to cover? I’m here to try and educate, inform, reassure and spread a bit of light and love in a world that at times can feel dark and despairing. We all need the positivity and to raise our vibration. There are different ways that you can reach out to me. Follow my page on Facebook, One Life, One Skin. I also have a One, Life, One Skin group you can request to join. I keep my R U OK podcast up-to-date and add regular topics and themes. You can check out my website www.ashleycahill.co.uk which list my treatments and products. Do get in touch. I’m open to hearing your opinions and answering your questions. I love helping people be the person they were born to be.   You may be interested that I will be running an online course in health, wellbeing and lifestyle later this year. Do let me know if you’re wanting to know more and I can get you signed up to my mailing list.    

THINKING OF MOVING AND LIVING IN AUSTRALIA   Let’s be honest, Down Under has always seemed to have this mass appeal and many of us think it’s simply amazing. We each have our own images when we visualise Australia; the beaches, the laid-back lifestyle, the incredibly cute wildlife, friendly neighbours like the ones who live on Ramsey Street… I could go on. We remain forever envious of their weather. I mean, how wonderful would it be to actually have a BBQ on the beach on Christmas Day. Granted, the novelty would wear off eventually but come on, surely it’s an experience that must be tried and fully appreciated. Compare that to the vast majority of our drenched and soggy summers and you can understand why there seems to be a constant shift of Brits wishing to re-locate to Oz.   Australia is a phenomenal country. It’s breath-taking, unique, magical, vast, and there are so many mind-blowing, wacky and wonderful facts you’ll struggle to get your head around:   Did you realise that if you visited a new beach over there each and every day, it’d take you over a staggering 27 years to see them all Brisbane hosts a cockroach racing world championship The Aussie Alps get more snowfall than Switzerland For the serious gluggers among you, there’s about 60 designated wine regions that churn out nearly one and a half trillion bottles every year It’s home to 21 of the world’s most 25 venomous snakes It’s HUGE, pretty much the same size as the mainland USA The Great Barrier Reef has its own post office box An Aussie guy once tried to sell New Zealand on eBay (I don’t think he got very far) There’s three times more sheep than people Canberra means woman’s cleavage in Aborigine and was named that because the city is cradled between two mountains Oz hosts a mountain called Mount Disappointment, dubbed that because the view from it was so… disappointing Kangaroo meat, which is widely available, is known for its low fat content Melbourne and Sydney argued over who should be the capital city, so the job went to Canberra Most Australians live relatively close to the coast, not surprising really as you would be wanting to make a beeline for there wouldn’t you There’s a few pink lakes, coloured that way due to a type of algae and Halobacteria   There’s just a wealth of information to love and learn about it. No wonder it’s a favoured holiday destination and is always swarming with tourists who are more than content to brace the 22 hour flight. You’ve got to love the beautiful coastlines, the bush and the outback, the hive of activity emanating from the cities, the suburbs…   If you’re wondering about what it could possibly be like to live there, or are giving it serious consideration, make sure you do tons of research into every aspect of life and what you can expect. You should absolutely give some thought to things such as:   It’s size. Here in the UK it’s all so densely populated and definitely not an understatement to say we’re living in each other’s pockets. Down Under is HUGE, make no mistake. It’s arguably the entire size of Europe. That’s right, you can fit Europe into Australia. The sun doesn’t have his hat on all year round and sometimes it will snow (remember I mentioned it having more snow that Switzerland). When the sun comes out it can get really hot, like in excess of 40 Degrees. To adapt to live in this sort of climate you’ll have to make very good friends with sun cream, and prepare to protect yourself with hats and clothing if you want to stay safe. On average you will see 3,000 hours of pure sunshine each year. There’s four seasons, like in the UK; summer is December to March, autumn is March to May, winter is June to August, and spring is September to November. Like the NHS, Australia has a free health service called Medicare, which you can access if you have a permanent residency. Some visitors, such as the UK, can also access it. Be careful if you feel the need to jaywalk because it’s a criminal offence and you can get fined $70, so using a zebra or pelican crossing is a must if you don’t want to fall foul of the law. Don’t be fretting about any nasty creatures out to kill you. There’s only two species of deadly spider and the anti-venom is available and there hasn’t been a spider-related fatality since 1979. Australians are mad keen on celebrating the rights of workers. They’ve got a 40 hour working week and the highest minimum wage (about a tenner per hour) so they know how to look after their workforce. Taxes aren’t as high as in other countries when it comes to the lower earners. Buying a house can be expensive so you will need sufficient funds for a deposit before you contemplate moving out there. Renters might find it difficult to get a foot in the door if you’ve no history there and agencies will insist on Australian references so you can see how tough it can be. Renting an apartment will probably be cheaper than in London. Looking at living costs and getting by on a daily basis, the good news is the reliability of public transport and monthly season tickets for travel are cheaper in Oz. Groceries are around 17 – 24% more costly in Australia and you can only buy alcohol in separate bottle shops, you won’t find any on the supermarket shelves.   So there is some food for thought if you have an eye on making Down Under your home and are tempted by all that it has to offer. You might just have an interest in learning more about this multicultural and diverse vast island which is part of our commonwealth.   Taking it further if you are planning a little recce over there sometime soon, it’s important to have a list of all the practicalities ticked off. Things such as visas, accommodation, luggage (travel as light as possible and if you make the move, you can find a reputable overseas company), having enough cash to support you for however long you’re there, an itinerary of what you want to do and where you want to go, any people already living there who can vouch for you, job searching, etc.   Whatever the reason for your interest, it’s a stunning country, oozing with adventure and enough tourist spots and unrivalled natural beauty to keep you going a fair while. It’s worth considering and imagine the memories you could make over there.   Is there any topic you would like me to cover? I’m here to try and educate, inform, reassure and spread a bit of light and love in a world that at times can feel dark and despairing. We all need the positivity and to raise our vibration. There are different ways that you can reach out to me. Follow my page on Facebook, One Life, One Skin. I also have a One, Life, One Skin group you can request to join. I keep my R U OK podcast up-to-date and add regular topics and themes. You can check out my website www.ashleycahill.co.uk which list my treatments and products. Do get in touch. I’m open to hearing your opinions and answering your questions. I love helping people be the person they were born to be.   You may be interested that I will be running an online course in health, wellbeing and lifestyle later this year. Do let me know if you’re wanting to know more and I can get you signed up to my mailing list.    

THE MENOPAUSE  In terms of life events, it’s one of the things that a woman fears the most – I’m talking about the menopause. An event that changes a woman in many ways; physically, mentally, emotionally, physiologically… It’s not something we can escape or hide from. It’s a naturally-occurring process. A fact of life. But it doesn’t have to mean your life is over – far from it. I want to talk about what it actually means, what is happening to you, how you can best support yourself through this experience, and – most important of all – it’s just another chapter in your life. Your life is not going to end in any way, shape or form. Yes, things will alter, you will witness your body and your mind behaving in ways that will be uncomfortable, emotional, painful even. The stress, fear, anxiety will kick in but there are lots of methods of keeping yourself well, healthy and active, and well prepared to face this beast head on.   You may end up seeing the world differently, but does that mean you have to wear a pair of negatively-tainted glasses for the remainder of your days? Never forget you are an inspirational woman who has lived through so much. You may have endured great hardship, loss, suffering, grief… But you may also have a life saturated with love, joy, gratitude, passion… Let’s remember to celebrate who we are, who we have become, and who we can still be.   In a nutshell, the menopause is when you stop having your monthly menstrual cycle and are therefore unable to become pregnant – your ovaries lose their function to reproduce. Typically, this can happen anytime around the ages of 44 – 55, this can vary though. Periods will become less frequent or in some instances can just stop.   There is something called the perimenopause, which is the lead-up to it and this will involve your body naturally adjusting to the menopause. Some women don’t realise they are in this stage, or that it exists at all, and automatically assume they have already hit the Big M. During this time you will start to produce less estrogen and you will notice this happening in your 40s, or maybe your 30s. This can happen over a number of years, and the best method of coping is to stay calm, equip yourself with knowledge, advice and information, and know what to look out for and how you can ease and alleviate nasty symptoms. You’ll have reached the menopause when you stop releasing eggs – it’s fair to say you’ve reached this after a full twelve months without your period. Here are some signs that you could be entering the perimenopause:   Weight gain Changes with your hair Heavier or lighter periods Worse bouts of PMS Headaches Breast tenderness Concentration difficulties Urinary tract infections Aches and pains   If I asked you to name me the number one symptom of the menopause, I’d bet a pretty packet on most of you mentioning hot flushes. There are countless signs and symptoms, some of which I’m going to list (aside from hot flushes because it’s safe to say we’ve covered that one):   Night sweats and trouble sleeping Mood changes Reduced muscle mass Lower sex drive Palpitations Vaginal dryness Memory and concentration issues   There are others but a key message here is that if you are still having your monthlies, you haven’t hit the menopause, this only happens once you haven’t had a period for twelve months consecutively.   Some of the above may occur with other health-related conditions so be mindful, listen to your body and go and see your GP. It’s vital to get that support network up and running as soon as you can and there’s no harm in going for a onceover is there?   You may feel you are able to cope with the symptoms but there are ways to help combat them if you’re finding it particularly tough and it is affecting your quality or life or even your ability to function properly day-to-day. You can get HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) prescribed, but this might not be advisable to certain women who have either had or are at a higher risk of breast cancer. Your GP might suggest other medications such as certain antidepressants or clonidine which treats high blood pressure.   To stave off the sweats or flushes it’s best to wear comfortable and light clothing, keep your bedroom cool and this may also help aid your sleeping. It’s a must to reduce any stressors which could be problematic if this is already sending your stress levels through the roof. Try and take in some regular exercise and lose weight if you’re able to, if you’re overweight.   There are plenty of supplements you can take to help you navigate this traumatic event, to keep your body and mind in tip-top shape and throw a lifeline when you think you’re stuck with all of this. Never feel like there’s no way out or that the light is shining bright at the end of what you perceive to be a darkened tunnel.   Vitamins C, E and 12 are essential I feel to helping you wrestle back the control and fight off the unpleasantness and the distress it might well be causing you. For example, you can get a Vitamin B12 shot which will boost you, revitalise you and give you energy. Getting some sun on your skin is a big yes-yes as this will produce Vitamin D which is useful for strong bones. Taking a natural supplement like 5-HTP can help with your sleeping problems and tackle your low or anxious mood.   You may find yourself scowling in the mirror because the dreaded Big M has wreaked havoc on your skin and you believe you now resemble a bag of something unsavoury. Taking collagen and hyaluronic acid can help improve your skin and bring back the radiance, this giving your confidence and self-esteem a much-needed bunk-up.   Please don’t think this is going to be forever, that this is your life now and this is the way it has to be. It isn’t. You are amazing, wonderful, inspirational and I will bet you loads of money that you motivate and encourage people all the time and you don’t even realise it. You are a force to be reckoned with. The symptoms of the menopause itself typically last for around four years after your last monthly cycle. It could be longer, but this is the average stated timeframe. The point is, you can ride this out. You have got this. Be proud of the woman you are. Do what you need to do to keep yourself well. Get your support system in place. Love you body and your mind and they will love you back. Do you remember when you were young and you had hopes, dreams, aspirations… Could you think of five things you wanted to do or to achieve? Could you do that same list now? Do it. Hitting the menopause is a monumental experience but it’s a new phase, chapter, beginning… whatever you want to call it. You can do and be whatever you want. You are still very much a worthy woman, valued, respected, loved and adored. If you looked back on all that you’ve accomplished, you’d literally astound yourself. It doesn’t have to end there. You can still achieve great things; you can travel, write a book or a screenplay, start a business, make some amazing life-long friends, celebrate life… Reinvent yourself because it really is your time, and you’ll get through it.   Is there any topic you would like me to cover? I’m here to try and educate, inform, reassure and spread a bit of light and love in a world that at times can feel dark and despairing. We all need the positivity and to raise our vibration. There are different ways that you can reach out to me. Follow my page on Facebook, One Life, One Skin. I also have a One, Life, One Skin group you can request to join. I keep my R U OK podcast up-to-date and add regular topics and themes. You can check out my website www.ashleycahill.co.uk which list my treatments and products. Do get in touch. I’m open to hearing your opinions and answering your questions. I love helping people be the person they were born to be.   You may be interested that I am releasing an eBook on the menopause, followed by an online course. Do let me know if you’re wanting to know more and I can get you signed up to my mailing list.

LOVE THE SKIN YOU’RE IN   The skin we are in, we are stuck with from the cradle to the grave, so it’s vital to look after it as much as we can from as early on as we can. The key to confidence and feeling good comes from within and if you shy away from the mirrorbecause you can’t face yourself, you will no doubt feel worthless, your self-esteem will nose-dive and you certainly won’t want to interact with other people.   Skin covers an area of approximately two square metres of our body and accounts for about 15% of body weight, and we have roughly 300 million skin cells. This might surprise you but it’s our largest organ and here are some of the things it can do:   • Detects the heat or cold • Helps to regulate the temperature of our bodies  • Shields, insulates and protects our internal organs, muscles and bones from anything nasty outside, like infection • It exudes antibacterial substances and manufactures vitamin D • It’s a highly versatile organ as it allows us to move around freely • Changes can indicate an ailment, allergy, viral infectionor an autoimmune disease   It actually renews itself every 28 days. We lose between 30,000-40,000 skin cells a minute. That’s a hell of a lot of shedding going on all of the time. For the weight-conscious among you, that’s about 9 pounds a year. Half of the dust in your home is probably your dead skin floating round.   Now we know why it’s so integral to us, we need to look after it. A common question is when to start. As soon as you can is the easiest and beneficial answer. Here are some quick-fire and top tips you can use anytime to help your skin to shine and radiate fabulousness:   • Get enough sleep • Exfoliate gently -  think about it, if you shed thousands of cells every passing minute, lots likely will end up resting on you – so exfoliate them away and make this a regular part of your routine • Get enough exercise • Drink, drink, drink your H2O – can’t emphasise this enough. Get it down you. Glug away. Drain your glass… embrace the wonders of water • Cleanse your face twice daily • Moisturise daily • Be conscious of where you are. For example, air filled with cigarette smoke or air pollution will affect your skinand might cause irritations or allergies • Get more antioxidants inside you, like broccoli, sweet potatoes or blueberries • ALWAYS wear your sunscreen, can’t reiterate this enough • Read skincare labels and have a handle on the personal care and hygiene products you buy. Be mindful of any products kicking off any allergies you might have   So these are general steps you can take to keep on top of protecting and maintaining the health of your skin. I would advise doing as many of these as possible. It’s going to affect your physical and mental health so take heed and those few simple practices will do you world of good.   Drilling down specifically into age ranges, if we take your 30s, it’s usually a time for self-empowerment. We have more often than not found our feet in this world. We may have a new-found confidence, career, relationship… so we want to carry on oozing fabulousness. Hydration is key.   You may start to notice the subtle signs of ageing – lines, wrinkles, pigments, a dullness or dryness about your skin, you feel you’re losing your glow. This is often the prime time to spot these things, so it’s time to get a grip of it, if you haven’t already.   You also might find yourself more prone to cystic acne as thisis the time when your skin is most susceptible to hormonalchanges.   Our skin will start to noticeable lose its springiness – after all, we’re not spring chickens anymore, and its hydration and softness, so need to fully nourish and feed it goodness.    Make sure you exfoliate twice, maybe three times a week, since the cells won’t be turning over as often as they normally would. There are countless scrubs out there so it’s a case of finding one that you’re comfortable using and benefits you.   You might consider swerving the excessive use of face wipes too. These can get quite abrasive once you hit the big 3-0 and beyond and they could have alcohol in them – which will lead to more dehydration.   In terms of a daily routine you can stick to, go for a light cleanse using something as simple as micellar water and cotton wool pad, tone, a serum and moisturiser. Repeat morning and night.   I’m afraid I’m going to have to drag you kicking and screaming into the next decade. As you enter your 40s there’s an even greater need to promote the collagen and elastin – this is a match made in heaven that keeps your skin plump. They start to slowly decline from your 20s but it’s in your 40s when you have to focus on reigniting and clinging on to this little duo.   Use a gentler cleanser so as not to shed too many of your skin’s natural oils, a serum that boosts radiance and is also rich in antioxidants. You produce less sebum which means more exposure to pollution and other environmental nasties. You’ll also want to look for something which includes collagen-boosting peptides. Hyaluronic acid is a must-haveand crucial for healthy skin as you’re now making roughly half the amount of what you used to.   Go for an SPF and become accustomed to wearing it everyday not just when you’re exposed to direct sunlight. Finish off with a good anti-ageing moisturiser. Again, repeat morning and night.   Once you hit your 50s, I’m afraid it’s all about saving your sagginess and collagen. The menopause will affect most women at this time which means a decline of estrogen equating to drier skin. Now is the time to fill your boots with hydrating products and boosting collagen.   You should be using an antioxidant serum or cream to halt inflammation which encourages ageing. Use a hydrating SPF cream every day too. If you haven’t already, use an eye cream to banish crow’s feet, unsavoury lines and dark circles.   In the evening try and do a gentle cleanse which will let the anti-ageing products do their job more productively. Use yourantioxidant cream or serum after that, followed by some decent and effective exfoliating product. This should rally the collagen, make your skin sparkle more and encourage cell turnover.   It’s never too late to commence a routine that will serve your skin well years down the line. You know your own skin so listen to it and look at it, study yourself as this will be paramount. As frightening as it may seem, take a good look in the mirror. Here you will be able to spot any irritability, dark circles, puffiness, lines… then you will know that it’s time to take action.   You should be loving the skin that you’re in. You’re both in it for the long haul so treat it kindly and wisely.  

CORONAVIRUS   Times are uncertain, times are angst-ridden and panic levels have reached an all-time high as we are facing the most monumental public health battle of our generation. We have been thrown into a position where we have to struggle to survive and to protect ourselves and the ones that we care for.   Covid-19 is accelerating at an alarming rate, make no mistake. The news is saturated with advice, statistics, data… it’s horrendously overwhelming. Social media news feeds and timelines are flooded with just about every type of post imaginable about it; informative, misleading, panicked, downright frenzied… it is deeply troubling knowing what to believe, what to think and, more importantly, what to do to prevent and minimise your chances of becoming infected with coronavirus and shielding your vulnerable loved ones as much as you can.   There is literally no escaping from the speculation, assumptions are rife and you need to know concisely what it is, what are the signs and symptoms to look out for and measures we should be taking.   Knowing what to look out for will give you the best shot at defining what you’ve come down with. I guess it’s tough with us being in the flu season, but take no chances. Be extra mindful. Even if it’s flu, you’d still take heed wouldn’t you? You’d be scrapping visits to your elderly relatives, you’d knock the night out on the heed, you’d swerve that concert. Common sense should prevail.   We already know it’s primarily a virus that results in a cough, a new continuous cough, which is accompanied with a high temperature. Anyone displaying these symptoms should self-isolate for 7 days and if they live with others, the whole household needs to stay indoors for 14 days. This is current government advice which, we are starting to see, is changing and evolving, as the situation is escalating.   We know there are certain groups of people more at serious risk and they are:   Those over 70 Pregnant women Those who have an underlying health condition Those who have a weakened immune system   We absolutely must do all that we can to protect these people. No doubt they will be very scared, anxious, distressed. If you know of anyone vulnerable, do check on them. Even if it’s a quick call or a text. Offer to get them supplies if they are unable to get out. Knowing they will have the basics in will do them the world of good, because imagine how stressed you’d be if you were constantly thinking about where your next meal is coming from as the tins in your pantry are vastly reducing.   So, what can we do to eradicate risk and make ourselves safer while we are out and about?   It’s been hammered home to wash your hands. I mean, come on, this is basic hygiene and if the world needs a full-blown pandemic to remind us to give our hands a scrub then something’s not quite right here. Ordinary soap and water will do the job. Do it for at least 20 seconds. Sing or hum whatever tune you want to or just do a count in your head. Wash your hands when you come in if you’ve been out, and if you’re about to go out. Especially if you’ve been to the shop. Who knows how many grubby hands have been on those food boxes or cartons of milk. You can also use hand sanitizer but good old soap and water is just as good.   If you can’t hold it in and feel the need to let out a cough or sneeze, cover your nose and mouth with a tissue or your sleeve. Don’t be using your hands to catch your sniffles. Absolutely not! Put your used snotty tissues in the bin as soon as you can and, again, wash those mitts.   If you know anyone who has been displaying symptoms, steer well clear. Don’t be crossing the street to give them a hug and a kiss when a cheery hand wave from afar will suffice. You can always message or call them at a later date to see how they’re doing.   Use buses, trains, ferries, etc, only when you absolutely need to. Public transport can be a potential hotspot for anything nasty. Think of the underground in particular… all that hot air blowing around, circulating goodness knows what. Also, consider the handrails when on buses, again breeding grounds for viruses so avoidance where possible is key.   I know this is a toughie, but avoid social activities and gatherings of people where you can. It’s hard, especially with Mother’s Day on the horizon. You want to spoil your mum and take her for that lovely three course meal and treat her to a bottle of something delicious. But isn’t it more vital to have her stick around to celebrate next Mother’s Day? You can put the meal on hold, if it means that vulnerable people aren’t unnecessarily exposed to the risk. Same with regular nights out. You can have those drinks and that chinwag any time.   If possible, definitely work from home. Your place of work might have a policy and should have their own contingency plan.   Now, it’s all very well having to endure a period of self-isolation. It’s crucial for your physical health. But spare a thought for mental health too, this needs to be taken into consideration. Just imagine how the person feels who has OCD and already has a hand-washing or scrubbing compulsion – imagine how they’re trying to cope. This will be hell for them. Think of those with social anxiety who become totally overwhelmed with the need to avoid other people. Imagine those who have fears of crowded spaces anyway. Their mental health will deteriorate. Think of those who isolate themselves already through depression and anxiety. Think of those who mostly stay home alone and they rely on social interaction to keep them mentally well and functioning.   In short, think of others too. Be considerate and compassionate. If you know someone is struggling through these turbulent times, reach out because they might not have the capacity to do it themselves. Be on the lookout. Be kind – this was the widespread message we were spreading not so long ago. Let’s not go back on our work. Let’s all be in this together. Let’s not panic-buy just for the sake of it.   If your eyes are glued to the news or your finger is sore from constantly refreshing Twitter and it’s making you feel anxious or mentally unwell, try and stop. Have designated periods of shortened time when you do keep up-to-date with what is a rapidly altering situation. Get the facts. Don’t believe all the hype, the doom and the scare-mongering. Too much of that will end up controlling you and you will easily get sucked into taking misleading and false information as gospel.   Let’s help one another. This thing will pass. Let’s not surrender to it. Love and support is key to combatting this almighty mess. We can get through it. No-one is alone. Help those who need it and understand your own body. You know when something isn’t right. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Eradicate any risk you can, you’ll be thankful that you did in the long run. The only thing which can’t be cancelled or postponed is loss of human life. Do your bit, pull together and let’s connect as a community to pull each other onwards and upwards.      

MENTAL HEALTH The shocking circumstances surrounding the tragic and massively premature death of Caroline Flack has just shaken me to the core. The emotion that has been pouring out of me since that moment when I read about it is so very raw and I think it will take me a while to come to terms with it. Caroline was a human being; a beautiful soul who just wanted to live her life. Yes she was a celebrity and probably had digits in her bank account some of us will only dream of seeing. But, at what cost? When it came down to it, for whatever reason, she took that heart- breaking decision to end her life. Our mental health is so sacred and pivotal to us, because any mental health issue can be life-threatening, as scary as that may sound but that is the absolute truth. There still appears to be a lot of stigma surrounding it and judgemental opinions, particularly from the uneducated and those who have never had it affect them. It actually affects so many of us and we don’t realise it, we might not even realise it is happening to us. To be blunt, it is an invisible killer. For some reason some of us struggle to get our heads around the fact that if we can’t see something solid, tangible, it doesn’t exist. You can see a broken arm, you can see a scan showing something sinister, you can see spluttering and coughing. What goes on inside our heads is never seen by others. Unless we reach out and say, it will always remain the unseen. If we see it then we don’t question it. You wouldn’t question someone wheezing with Asthma and say, ‘What’s wrong, there’s plenty of air?’ You wouldn’t tell a person with a broken limb to snap it back into place and get on with things. But we have no issue saying, ‘Oh, just snap out of it,’ when someone is depressed or anxious. A big bugbear is hearing someone say, ‘What have you got to be depressed about? There’s worse things happening in the world.’ What an awful, inappropriate and ill-judged thing to say. What happens in that person’s mind is their world and it’s the one they have to live in day after day. Who are we to question who can and can’t feel bad? It’s not our business. Every person has the right to feel how they want to feel. Plus, these feelings, actions and behaviours can’t be stopped, subdued or controlled. Do you really think that someone sets out to have a mental health condition? Do you think that they choose to feel that way? No they don’t. Mental health can take the shape of many different things and there are multiple disorders. Here are just some of them:  Anxiety  Depression  Mood disorders, such as Bipolar  Substance abuse  Eating disorders  Trauma-related disorders, like post-traumatic stress disorder  Personality disorders The spectrums for mental health conditions are so huge and so varied and each person will display differing symptoms. Take Bipolar for instance. If we don’t drill down into what it is then we can very easily be swayed by perceptions portrayed in the media and in TV and film. I remember seeing a movie synopsis and it was about a ‘psychotic Bipolar person… stalking someone…’ Blah, blah. So, basically from that we could assume that all people with Bipolar are psychotic and deranged, obviously. Also, can we please separate the disorder from the person. They are not a Bipolar person but a person with Bipolar – their condition doesn’t define them, and they are much more than that. Someone with Depression probably won’t look ‘sad.’ They might be full of life, laughing and joking, high-functioning, seemingly living an enriched life. But, they may well feel empty and numb on the inside. Saying, ‘But they don’t look depressed,’ is so insensitive and damaging if you think about it. Also, we need to stop trivialising it. People can’t just snap out of it, they can’t just get over their nerves, they can’t just stop drinking. Also, telling someone that, ‘Everyone has ups and downs,’ is a big no-no. Imagine how worthless that person will then feel, knowing that they can’t control their ups and downs. The language we use can be so damaging, and we need to be much more mindful. Your words have a powerful impact so choose them wisely and kindly. The phrase, ‘The pen is mightier than the sword,’ has never been so true and pertinent especially when so many of us feel the need to be validated on social media platforms. The words we use can be wicked and cruel. An awful lot of us are governed by the amount of likes we get, it’s how we define and quantify our worth. Comments on social media have been vile directed at people, both high-profile and ordinary people. It’s all very well having a mass discussion about being kinder but if we then go onto write a nasty and derogatory comment on someone’s status, then we need to make sure our actions aren’t damaging and we have to be consistent. Don’t wait for the next tragedy to be more positive, encouraging and kind. Flood out the hatred and just be nice for the hell of it. The feel-good factor you get from that will be nothing compared to how it could positively affect the recipient. Be a maker, not a breaker – go out of your way to make someone’s day, not break it. Only morons get a kick out of teasing, mocking, being cruel about others online. I knew of a guy who was highly proud of being blocked by celebrities and he would boast and tweet screenshots of the accounts who have blocked him, like gathering trophies. How pathetic. So, what is mental health? It is defined as our cognitive, behavioural, social and emotional wellbeing. If we don’t feel mentally well it can have massive repercussions and impact every aspect of our day-to-day lives. If we don’t seek help and support when we need it our mental health will only suffer more which could have long-lasting and devastating consequences. It affects how we act, feel and think. It impacts how we deal with stresses of everyday life and how we make judgements and decisions. It can deteriorate at any given point to anyone, it doesn’t discriminate. You might have finally got that super job you’ve been working your whole life for, you might have just got hitched to the partner of your absolute dreams, you might have six figures in the bank… mental health conditions don’t care. They can lurk discreetly like an overwhelming suffocating cloud, enveloping you in utter despair. If we are mentally healthy we can function, we will feel more balanced and be more effective. We will feel in control. It’s vital to have that bit of insight. You are the only person who knows what is going on in your mind. You will know if something isn’t right and if things get to breaking point. Please don’t suffer alone because it is one of the most isolating experiences you can ever have. It might seem small… worrying more, feeling empty, needing to depend on something to get you through the day… but it can build up and take over. Getting help is the first step and a brave one and I’m so proud of you for doing that. You can go and see your GP. If you can’t talk about it, write it down. Just write bullet points which describe how you’ve been thinking, feeling and acting, and pass it to them. No need to say anything. The Samaritans are just one organisation you can turn to at any time. You can call them on 116 123 free of charge, there will always be a voice to talk to and a listening ear. Again, if you don’t like talking you can email them at jo@samaritans.org. They do have a response time of 24 hours but it might help to get it off your chest and write it down. They respond to calls for help every 6 seconds. The main thing to remember is that, if you are suffering, you are not alone. You matter and people do care. Your life is worth its weight in gold, even if you don’t reckon so. You deserve to exist and there will be someone who will help you.

THE COMPOUND EFFECT Do you ever really think about your life, the way that it works and are you mindful about the decisions that you make? Do you think that you have your life mapped out and know exactly the steps that you need to take in order to reach your so-called final destination? You may or may not have heard of the Compound Effect; you may be practising its techniques without even realising it. It is a best-selling book penned by an American guy called Darren Hardy who started his first business at the age of 18. Hugely successful guy who has made it by following his own principles that are actually so easy to follow. Quite simply, the core concept around it is that we can make small changes or steps for a big pay-off. Let me give you an example:  We’re overworked and desperate for a holiday but we simply can’t afford one. What can we do? We also like to indulge in a bit of fine vino, so we fork out £15 every week for a nice bottle. So if we didn’t buy that anymore, we would be saving £60 a month which equates to £720. Suddenly after just one year and we set this money aside our bank balance is looking slightly healthier and looks like we can afford a holiday abroad. If we did this over two or three years, we would be able to afford going further afield. What we see there is that we have made a tiny change that will enable us to reap a larger reward. It’s those little things that matter. We all have goals, whether it’s being a millionaire by the time we reach 30, owning a villa in Spain, becoming CEO of the company we work for, writing a BAFTA award-winning TV show, getting a first class Honours degree… the list can go on and on. It doesn’t even have to necessarily be a monetary goal. We may weigh 12 stone and wish to weigh 10 stone, or drop so many dress sizes. It’s all about breaking it right down and disciplining ourselves to be strict and adopt and maintain healthy habits that will help to serve our purpose in the long-term. To enable us to successfully pass that golden and much coveted finish line. Achieving those milestones is about how much effort you put into the daily grind, those unshakeable small habits that become ingrained into your mind and you do them over and over again. Darren Hardy has this life formula which nails it: Your choices (decisions) + behaviour (action) + habit (repeated action) + compound effect (time) = goals. Looks easy enough doesn’t it. It’s probably something we have all tried and may have even mastered, but that’s essentially what it boils down to. We are faced with choices everywhere we turn. They literally hound us; the good, the bad and the ugly. The decisions that we make are projected into a mirror into what our lives are like every day. Darren said that whether we are happy, rich or healthy, or broke, depressed and unhealthy, it is our choices that navigate us. Choices can be so simple but can lead to bigger things. If we stay up super late watching that trashy TV movie, we will feel sluggish the next day in work and we won’t be as productive. If we have the cake instead of an apple, we won’t lose the pounds as fast as we want to. If we splurge our cash we won’t have anywhere near enough for that house deposit. Our habits can either make us or break us. It is said that it takes approximately two months for a habit to be formed and for that behaviour to become automatic. It’s not always going to be easy. We can often find ourselves stuck in a rut and our unhealthy habits are weighing us right down, pressing on us heavier than a ton of bricks, but it is absolutely possible to slowly shift that behaviour and replace with newly-formed and beneficial habits, particularly if we can set our sights on the end-game. Little by little, a small amount of progress can add up to big results, and those results are capable of blowing our mind. After all, it is droplets of water that make an ocean isn’t it. Sadly, we seem to be living in a world of instant gratification. We want it but we want it right now and we are impatient. The thought of saving money for ten years is unbearable, the thought of giving up ice cream is unthinkable, the thought of walking to work rather than a five-stop bus journey on a wet and windy Wednesday makes us shudder. Let’s face it, we can imagine how good we will feel dropping three dress sizes and wearing a stunning ballgown, but for some reason we can only think about the here and now, in that stuffing that ham and pineapple pizza in our mouth will make us feel good for twenty minutes maybe. But then what? We’re back to square one, the dress seems further out of reach than ever before, and the pizza wasn’t even that nice anyway. However, if we can hone our brains and define exactly what it is that we want, we should be able to come to the realisation that the time and effort is worth it. Consistency and being realistic certainly is key here. It would be no good at all if you went to the gym for eight hours straight, it would be far better if you went for half an hour three times a week. You will make progress over time. Think of the end result; visualise yourself having achieved that one goal. How good does that feel? It can absolutely happen over time and you will get your rewards, whatever they may be. Small steps to success should be your life mantra. Imagine if you could set aside half an hour each day to take a small action towards getting something you really want. Thirty minutes is nothing. Time ticks by and we seem to be experts at squandering it. Imagine if we could use that time to our own advantage. Because that’s what it’s all about, giving ourselves the best existence possible. Once you can start off doing something small and consistently, you will soon find yourself on auto-pilot, the habit will be second nature and every single day you will be closer to what you truly want out of life. That one thing that will make you leap out of bed in the morning. As the result or rewards gets nearer and bigger, it will feel so much more real, attainable and satisfying.

MORE ABOUT ME AND MY STORY I started to do these podcasts because I have such a passion for helping people through my treatments and through my words. I wanted to provide some insight into various topics covering health, wellbeing and lifestyle. I don’t profess to be a top expert but what I do bring to the table is my vast experience, knowledge and my willingness to help make a difference. If listening to this podcast gives someone a giggle, some hope, a light-bulb moment, some respite from their crappy life, then I know that I will have done my job. That sort of thing gives me great pleasure. I spend my life working with and around people and I put time and effort into their needs and what is going to be only beneficial for them. There is far too much negativity floating around, it’s so insidious. We are often keen to knock others down, for no reason at all. We validate our own sad existence by making someone else feel bad. It’s not on. Kindness costs nothing. I want to do my bit and spread some love, have some cracking discussions about things that affect us all on a daily basis. I want to offer my insight and possibly sage words, but you’ll have to be the judge of that. I want to be thought-provoking. It’s my aim to get those cogs in your mind turning, maybe offer a fresh perspective and challenge your own views. You never know, you might end up learning something new. As I’m researching these podcast topics, it’s been a blast getting to grips with some delicate and sensitive subject areas. I’ve learned so much and it’s made me think twice about certain things. I do love to challenge myself and I like to discover the whole picture; not just the rose-tinted one I might have held in my own mind. So, that’s all well and good. I’m sure you’ll be wondering who I am. Here’s a bit of an insight into my backstory. I have been in business for almost 20 years. Gosh, when I look back at the differing types of businesses I’ve owned. From property to beauty and skincare, including an international company spanning the Middle East, USA, Australia and Europe. This one started off as a small one-room beauty salon I bought from eBay. I also owned the oldest estate agency in Liverpool. I have created businesses from scratch with no funding and taken over a 150-year-old business that was on its knees and turned it into a thriving business within 3 years. That’s no mean feat. I’m incredibly proud of what I have achieved. I’ve poured blood, sweat and tears into it, and am so lucky to have got to where I am. I have got a solid and credible reputation from my business peers which means the world to me. But I’ll keep on going, no resting on my laurels here. I’ll keep plugging away, trying to excel even further and smash even more personal goals. One thing it’s never been is easy, not one jot. I have my own life struggles and challenges. My beautiful daughter has liver disease and my beloved mum Dolly has lung cancer and both my parents have dementia. It can be tough but I do my utmost to stay positive and upbeat. I try my hardest to keep on going and I always manage to stay afloat, I always stay on top of things despite it being a massive struggle at times. What I have realised is that mental health plays such a huge part in my life. I’m always mindful of how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. I have people who depend on me and I have to stay strong for them. I refuse to let it get me down. With doing my beauty treatments, it’s so easy to see that it is not just a treatment bed. It’s not just somewhere people come and lie down while they have a particular treatment, get up, leave, end of story. As soon as they lie on it, it instantly becomes their safe place, their sanctuary, the opportunity to truly be themselves. I believe in the healing power in beauty treatments. People open up. They get on that bed and they open up to you. I might be the only person they reveal things to; their fears, their anxieties, and I’m honoured and privileged to be that outlet for them. People might not feel able to open up to a therapist but will find it more comfortable chatting casually with their beautician. Think about it. You’re having your hair done, they ask the obligatory, ‘Are you going on holiday this year?’ Soon enough, you’re chatting like old friends revealing things you wouldn’t normally consider talking about. It’s a safe, warm, non-intimidating and relaxed environment. It’s a hell of a lot different than, say, sitting formally opposite a therapist. The barriers don’t seem to be there. You become their confidante. There’s no pressure on them to talk. Not like in the therapist’s office when there is immense pressure to reveal what’s been troubling them. On the treatment bed it’s totally up to them, there is no judgement whatsoever. A bonding process is created from the outset. You’re helping them to feel good about themselves, to be the best version of who they are, and you’re on their side. Physically, you could be making something go away that has been causing them great distress, to hide away, anxious to face the world. Something simple like a facial can give them confidence and enhance their self-worth. You’re investing time and effort into them and they acknowledge the role you’re playing in assisting them to feel better or be better. They’ll find themselves offloading without even realising it because it’s that type of secure environment and they’re more likely to volunteer information about themselves. There’s a great sense of satisfaction and pride in what I do and knowing I may have shaped someone’s day for the better by doing a little treatment is just wonderful and heart-warming.

GETTING A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE Do we really give much thought to our sleep and if we actually get enough or get what we need to function? You’ve either said this yourself or heard others say it – ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead.’ Sleep is so underestimated. It’s incredibly vital to us, it’s how we keep ourselves well and ticking over. If we don’t get enough ZZZs then we are going to end up doing serious damage to both our bodies and our minds. Who on earth would want that? For the sake of getting your head down and taking that time out to recharge and reinvigorate, isn’t it better to be in tip-top shape while you’re awake? We need to be mindful about looking after ourselves. We only live one life, get one body and one mind, don’t we want to have a crack at having the best possible ones? You might not even realise how much grabbing your forty winks is going to help you, it’s astonishing what it does impact. Okay, I’m going to be talking to you now about what happens when you sack off your siestas and don’t get enough sleep. Poor sleep can put you at risk of so many health problems – heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and it can shorten your life expectancy. So when you do say, ‘Oh, I’ll sleep when I’m dead,’ that might be coming quicker than you would have imagined. Also, there are other health conditions you’ll be more of a higher risk for – high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat and stroke to reel off a few. I mean, who would want that? A consistent lack of sleep could make you very ill. If we don’t get enough shuteye we can get cranky, irritable, snappy, miserable, and who wants to be around that? Okay, so just one night with little sleep isn’t going to be enough to trigger these issues but it will make you flat out exhausted and the next day will be a nightmare. You don’t want to slowly be seeping into a sleep deprived schedule, believing it won’t affect you, it will. The damage may not necessarily be visible to the eye but your body can only take so much before it starts to shut down, before it’s had enough and goes into meltdown mode. After a spate of sleepless nights your concentration and focus might will get impaired; you’re definitely not on top of your game. Your memory will take a knock and it’ll affect the way your process information and reason. You’ll be introduced to the not so wonderful world of brain fog, you’ll want to nap during the day, which is great if you’re able to do so but not so great if it means your boss finds you face-planted on your keyboard. Gradually over time, you can even start to suffer with symptoms of depression. A lot of people who have that or anxiety tend to get less sleep of a night. Insomnia can even be an indicator of depression so maybe more mindful when you constantly find yourself tossing and turning. They kind of bounce off each other, and not in a good way, believe me. It’s a vicious circle you certainly don’t want happening to you. If you have ever felt low, you’ll know only too well how tough it can be to fall asleep, or when a million thoughts are whizzing around your little head. The point being, they feed each other. Your skin will definitely suffer and not thank you for it. You might have recoiled in shock facing yourself in the mirror one morning; you are genuinely aghast seeing this sallow- skinned, puffy-eyed person glaring back at you. You may notice awful dark circles around your eyes and lines that have decided to take up unwanted residence on your face like annoying squatters that just won’t leave, now they are tenants you definitely need to evict as soon as possible. Lack of sleep causes your body to release more cortisol, which is a stress hormone. If there’s a lot of it, it can break down collagen which is what keeps your skin smooth and elasticated. It also makes us produce a smaller amount of a growth hormone which helps us thicken skin, increase muscle mass and strengthen bones. I hope I’m painting a picture of why you need to sleep. It is pretty much related to everything. One other thing to add is that it can contribute to obesity. This will probably blow your mind. Not getting enough ZZZs can spike your appetite and your hunger levels and you might feel more likely to want to devour crap or whatever you can get your hands on. As if that wasn’t bad enough, you tend to get more high-fat, high-carb cravings. You might be wondering, okay well I’m definitely going to give myself plenty of shuteye, but what is enough? Most healthy adults need between 7 – 9 hours of kip every night. That is the baseline amount but of course personal circumstances may vary slightly. You might need more and you might bounce out of bed all fresh and perfectly healthy on less. It’s a matter of adapting your body and it will sure as hell tell you, scream and shout, if you are mistreating it. Let’s journey to the flip side now as I’m sure I’ve depressed you enough with all the bad stuff. Let’s go into the benefits of getting decent sleep. You’ll probably find that you pick up bugs less often and you don’t catch colds as regularly. Who wants the dreaded flu, or, if you’re a bloke, Man Flu. Your weight may be more regulated and you won’t feel the need to reach for the family size bag of crisps or that tub of Haagen Daaz. Your stress levels will reduce and will put you in a lighter and happier mood. Your risk levels for conditions like heart disease or diabetes will be lower. You will think more clearly, with a level head, and more rationally. If aspects of your life depend on the decisions you make, whether your career or personal life, then this is vital. You won’t feel drowsy during the day – if you drive or operate machinery, this could be extremely dangerous, so if this podcast makes you sit up and listen to one thing, let it be this. You will look more refreshed making you want to go out and face people. Your skin will look better and nicer, and that should boost your confidence and self-esteem. We just need to find our regular schedule and little routine to stick to so that we are getting enough hours of a night. It might be worth seeing what would help to wind you down before your head hits the pillow. You could read, listen to some soothing and calming music, maybe stay off your phone and avoid social media, light a scented candle like lavender or drop some lavender on your pillow. It’s trial and error really but it’s worth it and one of the most important things you can ever do for yourself.

RETHINK THE DRINK How many times have you heard yourself say something along the lines of ‘Never again’? Has your Dry January gone belly up literally days into the New Year because you can’t shake off that craving to have a little tipple? Are you of the opinion that ‘Just the one won’t hurt’? You’re most definitely not alone. Alcohol is a funny one. It can appear to be our best mate, lull us into a false sense of security and have us believe it’s acting in our best interests. It fools us. Yes it can make us feel good, confident, sexy, but what we are plying into our bodies is toxic, poison, and too much can lead to a very dangerous path indeed. Plus, if we start to rely on it, we can end up in an extremely dysfunctional and abusive relationship with the booze. Many of us return to drinking time and time again. Even if it made our memories hazy, even if we were sick on the pavement or in the taxi home, even if the resulting hangover made our heads pound so hard, even if it gave us the dreaded beer fear, even if it made us send unwanted texts to exes or people we hate, even if the acid reflux in our throat was so bad because of all the fizz we’d been knocking back the night before. So yes, we often turn to it given every conceivable emotion; sadness, emptiness, pain, happiness… It appears to have an answer for everything we throw at it. It reminds us that life is so damn short so it ought to be wildly embraced, and if that involves a second pitcher of Margarita then so be it. We gradually become drawn into its bosom. It envelopes us with whatever we want or need at the time – whether it’s love, warmth or acceptance. It doesn’t care about your job, your family, your mates, your responsibilities, your bank balance, your physical body. Oh no, it wants to be selfish and keep you all to itself. Over time excessive drinking will rack up an incredible and sadly undeniable list of damaging things it can inflict on you, and I’m going to go into this right now. Some of it will shock you, and that’s a good thing. Alcohol is a poison, and you’re pouring litres of the stuff into your body over and over again. Would we willingly pick up a strange bottle labelled ‘Poison’ and start to guzzle it without a care in the world? No. Poison is bad, toxic, and doing damage to your insides. It slows down your brain and you can lose your balance, it dehydrates you, it angers your stomach lining which may result in bad acid reflux – quite possibly one of the most uncomfortable sensations ever. It lowers your blood sugar so if you’re Type 1 Diabetic, that’s not going to be fun is it, you could have a seizure. It also lowers your bodily temperature which could put you at risk of hyperthermia. Ale disrupts your sleep cycle leaving you sluggish, lethargic and pretty knackered. While it can help you conk out initially, you’re being deprived more of the restful REM sleep a person needs. You’ll need to get up more to use the toilet so your sleep will be broken and as your muscles are more relaxed you might snore, which is a big fat no-no if you have a partner lying next to you. Regularly drinking more than you should can contribute to high blood pressure which can end up with you having a stroke or heart attack. Plus if you can’t get it back down, you’ll find yourself taking medication for potentially the rest of your life. Don’t even get me started on the number of empty calories we pile away by drinking. Alcohol is full of sugar which isn’t going to be friendly on your waistline. A pint of cider can have five teaspoons of sugar. Think about that when you’ve excitedly finished work on a Friday and you’re headed to the beer garden and fancy a few dark fruits ciders. While it might be a taste sensation, you’re drinking an awful lot of calories, more than likely hurtling over your daily sugar intake, and now it’s given you the munchies to you hit the chippy, consuming more badness and wasted calories. I have to mention the dreaded ‘C’ word because alcohol is associated with many types of it. Excessive drinking will out you in the high risk category of mouth, tongue, stomach, pancreas and throat cancers, amongst others. It also has links to liver, breast and bowel cancers too. Plus, if you’re regularly vomiting back up your booze, that can damage the throat. You don’t want to be ripping your throat and have the shock of your life when you start to vomit blood. It can have a horrible impact on your mental health too. Imagine feeling anxious and not being able to quash it. So you tun to the odd drink to ‘take the edge off.’ It might appear to help and your anxiety fades but you will build up a tolerance and need more to get the same effect. Now alcohol gives you anxiety anyway. Can you imagine having your original angst supercharged and supersized when it merges with the alcohol anxiety to create a monster of dread and fear? It can also give you depression and the suicidal thoughts or urges. Once your inhibitions are lowered you could be more inclined to act upon those devastating thoughts or urges. It might make you feel more aggressive and because your thinking and judgement is impaired, you could misinterpret someone’s actions or behaviour and want to have a go at them or even worse. In addition to the obvious risks associated with alcohol in pregnancy, there’s also the need to be mindful if we’re breastfeeding – it takes two hours for a unit of ale to leave a mother’s bloodstream. Excessive drinking can also lower chances of conceiving. Dependence on alcohol can creep up before we even realise it’s happening. We might enjoy the odd one or two which might turn into three or four and the frequency of when we are drinking will rise without us even thinking twice about it. This is a dangerous routine to get into and once alcohol has us in its vice-like grip, can be tough to get out of. If we think that we have to control our drinking, it’s a fair indicator that we have a problem because we shouldn’t have a need to control it. If you’re worried that your intake has gone west and you know you’re caning it a lot more than you should and are feeling some physical and mental effects, you could try and write it own. Do a drinks diary for a week or a fortnight. Seeing it on the page in black and white will make you accountable, especially if you show it to someone. All these tasty and thirst- quenching drinks can add up and it’s so easy to do, it’s easy to slip into the routine of drinking. It could be familiar, make you feel safe and comfortable. But instead of reaching for the bottle it might be time to reach out for support, be it from your family, friends, GP or other health professional. Your health should always come first. It might be tough to stop or cut down but it’s potentially life-threatening and no amount of drunk ‘Cheers’ is worth that.

IT’S OKAY TO BE GAY! SEXUALITY AND COMING OUT, HOW THE TIMES HAVE CHANGED   Unless you’ve been hibernating or have a self-imposed social media blackout you’ll be well aware of that fact that TV presenter Phillip Schofield recently came out as gay in the most public of ways.   In the immediate aftermath there was a mass outpouring of public support for him; tens of thousands of Tweets, Insta and Facebook posts congratulating him, wishing him well, complimenting him on taking quite possibly the toughest and most difficult decision of his life to finally reveal this to the watching world. A life he’s lived under such scrutiny with eyes on him everywhere. Everyone knows him. That likeable personable guy loads of us used to crush on in his Going Live! and broom cupboard days.   He was cocooned and enveloped in the warmth and support of his colleagues; you may have seen the footage or images of co-star Holly just being that supportive mate, holding him, comforting him to calm his apparent unease and anxiety.   Whether we may have been shocked, gasped out loud, not really bothered, or chunnered under our breath, ‘I knew it!’, there’s no mistaking that coming out is a monumental and life-changing act.   Some struggle to ever do it; the words get stuck in the throat and, for whatever reason, they’re never able to do it. They might not feel safe, that they will be unaccepted and suffer rejection from their nearest and dearest. Everyone is different and will have an opinion on the matter.   While we may have had the odd sharp intake of breath over Phillip, the world didn’t stop and we all just carried on. Nothing to see here really.   You have to hand it to him for taking that leap and allowing himself to be who he is, finally. The guy’s 57 and he can now get rid of some of the burden that’s weighed him down for so long. He can look in the mirror, face himself head on and hopefully he can feel free.   I think regarding sexuality and supressing facets of yourself, it’s important to be true to you and you have to be able to look in the mirror head-on and say, ‘This is who I am.’ And be proud.   We’ve entered another decade and slowly but surely the LGBTQ+ community has been more accepted. Yes there are still pockets of people and communities who will never be able to condone it; look at the recent Hollyoaks storyline with Mitchell, a young black doctor – all his life he was the absolute apple of his grandfather Walter’s eye. That is, until Mitchell came out. Walter, who’s a pastor, was disgusted, wanted to drag his distraught grandson off to church to repent his sins, threw him out of his home, and told him he never wanted to see or speak to him ever again. Homosexuality used to be illegal which is probably a bit mind-blowing. It was only decriminalised in 1967 but only if homosexual acts were conducted ‘in private’ and both partners were 21 or over. In 1965 a UK opinion poll was done and 93% of people said they saw homosexuality as a form of illness that required medical treatment. What’s scary is that the act of homosexuality in the 1800s was punishable by the death penalty. How can you equate something so evil like murder to love and wanting to be with your partner? How frightening must it have been around this time to be gay; you’d be terrified, alone, fearful for your life even. Lots of men were dragged off to have Electric Convulsive Therapy in an attempt to shock the gay out of them, so inhumane. In 1990 the World Health Organisation removed homosexuality from the list of mental disorders. This was hugely momentous and is still massively celebrated to this day – on the 17th May falls IDAHO (International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia) – when the WHO struck it off its list.   The amount of Pride festivals seems to grow year-on-year and it’s encouraging to see the amount of LGBT-friendly people who turn out to show their love and support, it’s very much a family-orientated affair and the clue is in the name – a chance to be loud and indeed proud. You do get the odd few who complain and demand why there isn’t a pride to celebrate being straight. Being straight was never termed a mental illness, you weren’t given shock treatment to get the straight out of you, you could have sex with your partner and not worry about being sentenced to death… The LBGTQ+ community have struggled and fought against so much hate, disgust and judgement, the absolute least they deserve is the right to shout about who they are in a safe and welcomed space. We are all human aren’t we, after all.   I remember an episode of Ellen where, in one of the character’s dream, sexuality was completely flipped over. Basically the majority of people were gay and being straight was seen as the repressed minority. Ellen is by far the best poster girl for coming out; her 1997 episode where she came out as lesbian drew 42 million eagle-eyed viewers.   National Coming Out Day is on 11th October and used to raise awareness of the LGBTQ+ community, a concept originally born out of USA which has crept into other countries like UK, Ireland, Netherlands and Switzerland.   Coming out is a choice and it’s nobody’s business but our own. It’s a big, bad world out there and, while things are so much better, you don’t know what you’re going to come up against. You might be riddled with anxiety and stress. At the back of your mind you could be desperately trying to quash a mountain of fear and unrest; What if they despise me? What if they laugh at me? What if they disown me or don’t want to be my friend anymore? ‘What if…’ is king of the head-wreckers because we can all become so consumed by assuming the worst and suppressing ourselves, we may never take life by the balls and live it the way we want to. No-more cowering in a corner, no-more lying to your family over who you’re dating, no-more pretence and trying to force yourself to be ‘normal’. The point is, it is totally okay to be gay. It’s okay to be gay, lesbian, straight, bi, trans… Being who we truly are is something that should be shouted from the rooftops. We get one life and one existence so why should it have to be wasted or lived half-heartedly? We shouldn’t deprive ourselves of anything. Why must our cups be half empty? Why can’t they run over, filled with an abundance of love, laughter, feeling wonderful about who we are, lifting our head up and looking those in the eye when we say, ‘Actually, this is me, and I’m just as valuable as any other human being.’ If you’re thinking about coming out and are battling with it inside your head, do take these points into consideration:   It’s not something you should be obliged to do to suit other people or make them happy. It’s your life so do it on your own terms. If you’re outed and you aren’t ready, it’s okay to say that you’re not what they’ve said you are. You’re absolutely okay to wait until that very time when it’s right, and it’s when you say so, not anyone else. Coming out might not necessarily be a positive experience and you need to prepare that you might lose friends, but were they ever really your friends? You don’t have to come out and say that you identify as anything. After all, labels are for drinks bottles. If you don’t want to stick a giant fluorescent sexuality label on your head, don’t. How you identify is up to you. There’s no wrong or right way to do it. Whether it’s a Facebook status, WhatsApp group chat, one-to-one and face-to-face, or a casual ‘by the way’ chat over the photocopier at work, it’s all good. Do it how you feel most comfortable. After all, by coming out to people, you’re allowing them to step inside your safe zone.