Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons

In this powerful episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies, Jason and Lauren Vallotton welcome two courageous women: Kirsten Lapp, Executive Director of Northstate Care Clinic, and Lauren Hodgson, a mother of four who walked through an unexpected pregnancy and found hope in the face of overwhelming pressure. This is the second part to a conversation that began in episode 122.When Lauren discovered she was pregnant with her fourth child, it came as a complete shock. That shock deepened when she learned her baby had Down syndrome. Surrounded by doctors quoting grim statistics and suggesting termination, Lauren found herself in a vulnerable and isolating place—until she connected with Northstate Care Clinic. There, she encountered something radically different: compassion, clarity, and care. All offered freely, without pressure.Now, 18 months later, Lauren's daughter Millie is a joyful, thriving little girl. In this deeply honest conversation, the hosts explore the realities women face during a crisis pregnancy, the unique challenges of raising a child with special needs, and the profound impact of having a supportive community.This episode covers:What defines a crisis pregnancy and the pressure many women experience from the medical system and cultureThe emotional and spiritual strength required to say yes to life when fear and uncertainty are loudThe vital role of Northstate Care Clinic in providing non-judgmental, life-affirming support and resourcesThe need for continued after-birth resources, including housing, especially for women without stable home environmentsA unique opportunity for listeners to help Northstate raise $300,000 to close escrow on a permanent home by July 14thJason and Lauren share that they are contributing to this campaign and invite their listeners to join them in funding a place of real hope for women in Northern California.To learn more or to give, visit:

In this powerful episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with Kirsten Lapp, Executive Director of Northstate Care Clinic, to unpack the emotional, spiritual, and practical realities surrounding crisis pregnancy. With empathy and clarity, Kirsten shares what women are really facing in these moments—and how we can all play a part in offering hope.In this episode, they discuss:What defines a crisis pregnancy and why many women find themselves in one The cultural and social pressures women face—from social media to the healthcare system Myths and misconceptions about women in these situations How Northstate Care Clinic provides compassionate care, from the first phone call to long-term support What empowerment really looks like in the face of fear and uncertainty A historic opportunity to help NSCC purchase a permanent home across from the local abortion clinic to serve even more women in Northern California Jason and Lauren also share that JVM is contributing $1,000 to help make this dream a reality—and they invite listeners to partner with them in this mission.To support the building campaign, learn more, or refer someone in need: Visit friendsofnscc.org !“We believe every woman deserves to be seen, supported, and strengthened—especially when the stakes feel highest.”PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

 In this powerful episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton explore the quiet, often unnoticed habit of self-betrayal—the moments when we say “yes” to others while saying “no” to ourselves. Whether it's to avoid conflict, gain approval, or protect a fragile connection, self-abandonment can masquerade as kindness while silently eroding trust, peace, and authenticity.Jason and Lauren unpack the mindsets that often drive this behavior—like the belief that it's selfish to have needs, or that disappointing others is dangerous. With wisdom, compassion, and real-life stories, they offer a roadmap back to honest boundaries, emotional integrity, and deeper connection with both self and others.In This Episode, They Discuss:What self-betrayal looks like in daily life and relationshipsHow people-pleasing and performance mindsets take rootThe difference between peacekeeping and true peaceCore beliefs that lead to self-abandonment (“If I say no, I'll be rejected”)Why honoring your limits is essential to relational and spiritual healthPractical language and tools to say no with clarity and compassionReflection Questions:Where in your life have you been betraying your own needs to keep the peace?What fear is hiding underneath your yes?What would it look like to practice honest, courageous boundaries this week?Listen in and be reminded: You don't have to disappear to be loved. Wholeness begins where self-betrayal ends.BraveCo Conference Registration - hereBraceCo Gala Registration - herePatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this honest and heartfelt Q&A episode, Jason and Lauren answer your real relationship questions—from navigating breakups to leading well in marriage. Whether you're dating, newly married, or wrestling with relational roles, this episode will give you insight, encouragement, and a few powerful reframes.

“Most of the world is built on the invisible labor of mothers.” In this heartfelt episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton turn their attention to the sacred, unseen work of motherhood. Picking up where their recent Fatherhood episode left off, they dive into the beauty, burden, and spiritual authority of moms—the ones who so often hold the soul of the home together.This isn't a conversation about Pinterest lunches or parenting perfection. It's an honest look at the emotional, mental, and spiritual load that mothers carry, and the divine calling woven into every unnoticed act of love.In this episode, they explore:More Than a Milestone Tracker: Why motherhood is far more than meal plans and playdates—and what Scripture reveals about its true meaning.The Weight No One Sees: From overstimulation to spiritual burden, Lauren shares stories from her journey through blended family life, miscarriage, and motherhood.The Lie of the Perfect Mom: How culture pressures women to be everything—and why presence is more powerful than perfection.The Spiritual Authority of Moms: The quiet ways mothers set the spiritual tone of the home, and how every unseen act counts in the Kingdom.With raw vulnerability and deep encouragement, Jason and Lauren remind moms everywhere: You're not just holding it all together. You're building something eternal.PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this powerful conversation, Jason and Lauren Vallotton unpack one of the deepest needs of our time: the restoration of godly masculinity. Drawing from personal stories, biblical wisdom, and their experience walking with men and families, they explore why a man's role in the home matters more than ever—and how the next generation is suffering without clear markers of maturity and initiation.Whether you're a father, mentor, or just a man asking deeper questions about your purpose, this episode will stir your spirit and point you toward courageous leadership. It's also an invitation to join the movement at this year's BraveCo Conference, where men are being called up, healed, and commissioned.In This Episode:Why men matter in the home The emotional and spiritual covering fathers provide—and what happens when it's missing.What sons need from their fathers and male mentors Identity, blessing, and challenge. The sacred elements of healthy male initiation.The pain of passive or absent masculinity How a culture without rites of passage has left young men lost, angry, or apathetic.Stories from the field Real moments of breakthrough, father wounds healed, and identity restored at past BraveCo events.Why the BraveCo Conference is different It's not hype—it's holy. A sacred space where men return to the Father, face their pain, and rise into purpose.Join the Movement:The BraveCo Conference isn't just a weekend event—it's a call to rise.Register now for the conference and be part of a movement that's raising up healthy, whole, and wholehearted men!Check out more about BraveCo here!PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

"Your gifts might open doors in ministry, but your emotional health and family life will determine how long you can stay in the room."In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton dive into the crucial (and often overlooked) connection between emotional health, family life, and sustainable ministry. Ministry isn't just about being gifted—it's about being grounded. Whether you're a pastor, leader, or someone pursuing a call to serve, this conversation offers a timely reminder: who you are behind closed doors matters more than what you can do on stage.

"Most people want to reconnect with their spouse—but they don't know how to hit the mark when emotions are high. They either get defensive, spiral into shame, or shut down. Today, I want to help you learn how to truly connect when it matters most—especially when there's pain involved."In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton break down what happens when emotional disconnection builds over time and how to move toward reconnection with empathy, responsibility, and compassion.This episode explores:Why disconnection happens: How unmet needs and unresolved pain quietly widen the emotional gap between partners.The shame spiral: Why shame convinces people they are the problem, and how shifting to personal ownership can restore emotional safety.Empathy, sympathy, and compassion: A practical breakdown of each—and why compassion is the key to repair.A step-by-step guide to reconnection:Get curious, not defensiveListen without fixingValidate and empathizeTake ownershipOffer a sincere apologyFinal encouragements:For those who've been hurt: Give space for ownership—don't force it, but don't shrink back either.For those who missed it: Perfection isn't required, but presence is.This episode offers practical steps and real-life insight for any couple looking to reconnect—especially when it matters most.PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this vulnerable and practical Q&A episode, Jason and Lauren tackle some of your most heartfelt questions—from dating dynamics and stepparenting to conflict in marriage and unmet emotional needs.With their trademark honesty and experience, they unpack the real stuff of relationships: fear, longing, love, and how to keep showing up even when it's hard.In this episode, the Vallottons respond to questions like:“How do I take dating slow while discerning if I can handle marrying someone with kids?”“Why do I shut down in conflict, and how do I stay present when fear hits?”“I'm walking through divorce and financial fallout—what now?”“Any tips for surviving the newborn season… with our marriage still intact?”“What do I do with my unmet desire for intimacy, pursuit, and emotional connection in marriage?”From practical tools to spiritual insight, this episode is full of compassionate, grounded advice for anyone trying to navigate love in a complicated world.Whether you're in the trenches of parenting, learning to love through pain, or just trying to figure out what's next—this one's for you.PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

“She never wanted to fight her husband. But somewhere along the way, she stopped feeling safe—and started showing up in survival mode.”In this episode, Jason and Lauren unpack the emotional toll disconnection takes on a woman, especially when she's forced to lead, manage, and defend in her relationship. They explore what masculine energy looks like in a woman, why it's often a trauma response—not rebellion—and how emotional safety (not control) is the key to restoring connection.You'll hear:A real coaching story of a disconnected coupleHow a woman feeling safe, seen and known activates connectionWhat healthy masculinity is designed to bringPractical steps to rebuild trust and intimacyPatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Spring cleaning isn't just for your closet—what about the things we've been carrying in our hearts, homes, and relationships that need a reset?In this episode, Jason and Lauren take the idea of spring cleaning beyond junk drawers and cluttered cabinets and dive deep into the unseen spaces of our emotional, relational, and spiritual lives. From the bathroom cabinet that hasn't been cleaned out in a year to the mental tabs we've left open way too long, they explore what it looks like to make space for peace, connection, and growth in every area.What You'll Hear:

The public school system is broken. Too many kids feel left behind, uninspired, and stuck in a one-size-fits-all model that doesn't prepare them for real life—or real relationships. As a dad and leader, Jason believes we need a radical shift. That's why he sat down with Dr. Tyler Thigpen, an education innovator, to explore a new approach—one that fosters independence, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence.In this episode, Jason and Tyler unpack why the system is failing, what's working in learner-centered models, and how parents can take the lead. These new environments don't just teach facts—they shape identity, build resilience, and equip kids for healthy, whole lives.If you care about how your kids are learning and growing, this episode is for you. Let's raise a generation ready for both life and love.More about Dr. Thigpen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thigpentyler/Tyler grew up in Georgia and has worked in innovative district, private, and charter schools, as well as statewide and national nonprofits. Tyler is co-founder and CEO of The Forest School: An Acton Academy in Trilith, The Forest School Online, and the Institute for Self-Directed Learning, Academic Director at the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education, and Guest Lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. Formerly, Tyler was partner at Transcend, a national nonprofit in school redesign, and worked closely on innovative school projects such as nXu, Whittle, The Academy Group, Washington Leadership Academy, Art in Motion, Hebrew Public, Teton Science's Place Network, EL Education, and the Brooklyn STEAM Center. Tyler also co-founded MENTOR Georgia, Transforming Teaching at Harvard, and the Chattahoochee Hills Charter School. Earlier, Tyler worked as head of the upper school at The Mount Vernon School in Atlanta, Spanish teacher in Gwinnett County public schools, and minister at the Grace family of churches where he led international development in Peru in areas of healthcare, education, poverty reduction, and infrastructure. Tyler holds a doctoral degree in education leadership from Harvard Graduate School of Education, a master's in public administration from Harvard John F. Kennedy School of Government, and a master's in theological studies from Regent College of the University of British Columbia. Tyler has written about the future of learning in the Washington Post, Education Week, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Getting Smart, and others. Tyler lives with his wife and four children, all of whom attended The Forest School, in Trilith, GA.PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Preparing teenagers for adulthood might be the most crucial—and challenging—phase of parenthood. In this candid conversation, The Vallottons explore the essential transition from raising dependent children to launching capable, confident adults.When parents focus solely on creating a fun and carefree childhood, they risk raising young adults unprepared for real responsibilities. Drawing from their experiences launching three young adults (now 25, 22, and 20) while still raising younger children, Jason and Lauren share both their successes and the lessons they've learned through missteps.The key insight? Start early. Children who learn to contribute to family life from a young age develop a sense of capability that serves them well into adulthood. But for those who realize they've started later than ideal, Jason and Lauren offer practical strategies for reframing expectations with teenagers—positioning them not as arbitrary rules, but as essential preparation for their future independence.This episode includes real-life examples from their own family, including the transformative story of their son who chose to move out one week before high school graduation. Rather than creating distance, this experience strengthened their relationship as he gained a newfound appreciation for the guidance he had once resisted.The conversation also delves into the different approaches needed for raising sons versus daughters, teaching emotional regulation, and establishing standards for family interactions. Ultimately, successful parenting isn't measured by how much children enjoy their childhood, but by how confidently they navigate adulthood.Ready to shift your parenting approach from control to coaching? This episode provides the framework to help parents prepare their teenagers for a successful launch into independence.

Everyone has a past, but when it comes to relationships, how can someone be sure it no longer has a hold on their present? Whether in dating or marriage, navigating past mistakes, previous relationships, or personal struggles can be complex. How much should be shared, and when does transparency build trust versus causing unnecessary pain?In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton explore the balance between honesty and wisdom, discussing when full disclosure is valuable and when it may not be helpful. They break down how to recognize genuine healing, build trust, and have important conversations about the past in a way that strengthens relationships rather than creates insecurity.Key Topics Discussed:How to discern if someone has truly moved on from their pastThe role of full disclosure in building trustWhen sharing past mistakes strengthens a relationship versus when it creates unnecessary harmHow to navigate difficult conversations about previous relationships, personal struggles, or past woundsSigns of true healing versus patterns that indicate unresolved issuesWhether preparing for marriage, working through past hurts, or striving to build a foundation of trust, this episode provides insight and practical tools for moving forward in a healthy way.Resources Mentioned:Episode 20 - A Plan for Pain, Part 1Episode 21 - A Plan for Pain, Part 2For more conversations on relational health, subscribe to Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons and share this episode with someone who would benefit!PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this insightful Q&A session, the Vallottons tackle questions submitted by listeners pertaining to marriage and friendship.Questions include:1. When I really like someone I feel like I can't think straight anymore. When I'm around them and start to act differently, and I hate it. What's your advice on that?2. What to do with a man who is confusing with his intentions even after asking for clarity. He's nice and respectful, but I'm still confused.3. What does "leaving and cleaving" actually mean? And what does it practically look like?4. When is the right time in dating to ask someone if they want kids?PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Episode 108 is a special treat! In this episode, the Vallottons share a powerful message that Lauren preached on February 20, 2025, at the Bethel Church Prophetic Conference. Rooted in her personal journey of motherhood and the shifting landscape of 2025, Lauren believes this moment marks the dawn of a new era—one defined by breakthrough for followers of Christ.Drawing from the story of the Israelites' journey to the Promised Land, Lauren unpacks how God invites us to trust, take risks, believe, hope, and contend for breakthrough—especially in the areas of our hearts where long-held desires have been waiting to be fulfilled.She closes with a time of prayer, declaring breakthrough over those present at the conference. As you listen, receive these prayers for yourself—may they bring impartation, inspiration, and deep encouragement.If you experience breakthrough after listening, the Vallottons would love to hear your testimony! Send them your story as they continue to celebrate and share what God is doing in this incredible community of listeners.PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, Jason and Lauren Vallotton explore how friendships impact marriage, parenting, and relational health. While friendships often take a backseat to family life, they are crucial in shaping emotional well-being and offering support.As life gets busier with marriage and parenting, friendships are often neglected. However, research shows that maintaining strong friendships improves marital satisfaction and reduces parenting stress. Jason and Lauren discuss why intentional friendships matter and how to build a supportive community.Discussion Points:Do Your Friendships Support or Strain Your Marriage?Jason reflects on early marriage years when he let go of friendships that didn't support his relationship.Lauren shares how she invested in friendships to have connections in the same life season.The Changing Definition of a Support SystemA survey of 2,000 parents with kids aged 0-6 found 78% believe the concept of a support "village" has changed from their upbringing.Modern parents rely on an average of seven people for support, often leaning more on friendships than family.Jason discusses how founding BraveCo helped him build relationships with men committed to personal growth.How a Lack of Friendships Impacts Emotional Connection in MarriageDespite hardships, Jason's strong friendships provided stability.Lauren surrounds herself with women who invest in their marriages, reinforcing the importance of supportive friendships.The Importance of Same-Sex and Opposite-Sex Friendships in MarriageJason's close friendships extend beyond traditional boundaries, such as walking Sum down the aisle.Lauren highlights the security of knowing she has men in her life who would support her and her children.Friendships and Parenting: How Parents' Friendships Shape Their KidsStudies suggest strong friendships lead to happier marriages and lower stress in parenting.Parents modeling healthy friendships significantly influence their children's social development.Jason and Lauren discuss ways to nurture friendships while raising a family.Takeaways:Strong friendships are essential for thriving marriages and healthy families. Jason and Lauren encourage listeners to assess their friendships, invest in meaningful connections, and recognize their profound influence on every aspect of life.Tune in to this insightful conversation and learn how to strengthen your marriage and family life through intentional friendships!PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Blending a family is both rewarding and challenging, requiring intentionality, patience, and a strong foundation. In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, Lauren and Jason dive into the key strategies for creating a thriving blended family.They discuss the importance of building trust with stepchildren, emphasizing that the biological parent should take the lead in discipline while the stepparent focuses on connection. They explore how to find your lane—leaning into natural strengths to foster strong relationships with the kids.Common challenges in blended families are also addressed, including different parenting styles, loyalty conflicts, and emotional wounds from past relationships. Lauren and Jay break down how to navigate discipline and authority, ensuring unity between spouses without creating resentment.The conversation highlights the importance of setting realistic expectations, recognizing that blending takes time and requires a united front. They stress that prioritizing the marriage is essential—not only for the couple but for the entire family dynamic. When the marriage is strong, children feel secure and receive the stability they need.Finally, they tackle the complexities of co-parenting with ex-spouses, offering wisdom on handling interactions with grace and firm boundaries.Whether you're newly blending a family or years into the journey, this episode provides practical tools to build trust, navigate challenges, and create a home where everyone can thrive. Tune in for an insightful and encouraging discussion!PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Description:We're back with Part 2 of one of our most vulnerable episodes yet—because some questions in marriage are too important to ignore. Last week, we unpacked some of the biggest fears that keep couples stuck, and today, we're digging even deeper.We're talking about:

Description:Some questions feel too big, too scary, or too painful to ask out loud—especially in marriage. But avoiding them doesn't make them disappear. In this episode, the Vallotton's tackle the hardest, unspoken questions that can haunt relationships.Jason and Lauren dive into topics like:✅ Have we fallen out of love or are we just stuck in a rut?✅ What if I'm not attracted to my partner anymore?✅ Is it normal to feel lonely in my marriage?✅ Can we ever repair the damage from past betrayals?If you've ever felt afraid to voice your deepest relationship doubts, you're not alone. These conversations could lead to real healing and change.

In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, Lauren and Jason dive into one of the most profound questions parents face: What story do we want our kids to tell about love? Together, they unpack the meaning of true love, exploring how it can be demonstrated in everyday life and in relationships within the home.Topics CoveredWhat is love and what is it not?We have love because it was given to us. It doesn't start with us, it starts with God.Love is a powerful choice. Love is patient, kind, etc. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)What does authentic love look like in relationships and in marriage?Real love requires a strong sense of self… we enjoy true love when we come fully ourselves into a relationship.It's not the absence of conflict.Love looks like boundaries.Love looks like having the hard conversations, not abandoning yourself.Love requires us to sacrifice and grow in areas that are costing the people we care for the most. Love says I lay things down that cause harm to those I care for the most.Why This MattersOur children's perception of love starts with us. Through our words, actions, and how we treat those closest to us, we're crafting a narrative that can either help or hinder their relationships in the future. Let's make it a story worth telling!Takeaway ThoughtThe story of love we live today becomes the legacy our children carry into tomorrow.PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In today's episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, hosts Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with renowned psychoanalyst and author Erica Komisar to explore the profound challenges and rewards of parenting. Erica, a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), brings years of expertise in child development and the psychological aspects of motherhood and fatherhood. She has authored two insightful books:Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years MattersChicken Little: The Sky Isn't FallingIn this conversation, Erica highlights the crucial role emotional attachment plays in a child's development, particularly during the first three years. She discusses the importance of both mothers and fathers being present and emotionally available, as well as how societal pressures and guilt impact the way mothers show up for their families.What You'll Learn in This Episode:The key ingredients for building a healthy attachment with your child, particularly in the first three years.Insights from Erica's book Being There on the lasting impact of maternal presence during a child's formative years.Why father involvement is just as crucial as mothers in raising emotionally resilient children.How to address societal pressures, guilt, and the overwhelming demands placed on mothers today.The importance of staying engaged with your children throughout adolescence, even when they seem to need you less.About Erica Komisar:Erica Komisar is a licensed clinical social worker and psychoanalyst with extensive experience working in child development and parenting. She has authored two influential books, Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters and Chicken Little: The Sky Isn't Falling. Her work emphasizes the emotional and psychological needs of children, focusing on the vital role parents play in shaping their children's emotional well-being. Erica's expertise has made her a sought-after speaker and resource for parents looking to navigate the challenges of raising children in today's world.Where to Find Erica Komisar:She's on Instagram. @ericakomisar To learn more about Erica's work and upcoming events, visit her official website.PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

What if the greatest battle you're fighting isn't with your spouse, your kids, or the world—but with yourself? On this episode, the Vallottons dive into the messiest parts of who we are—the stuff we shove aside but desperately need to face if we want to grow in life, faith, and relationships.Jason and Lauren explore the significance of identifying your inner conflicts, the impact of your past experiences, and the role of seeking support in overcoming these hidden struggles. • Discussing personal experiences of battling inner conflicts • Understanding the significance of self-criticism and shame • Exploring the concept of the trauma tree and its visualizations • Identifying signs of an inner battle and unhealthy habits • The necessity of reaching out for help and building self-awareness • Sharing strategies for addressing and conquering internal struggles If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this milestone 100th episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with Jason's parents, Kris and Kathy Vallotton, for a heartfelt conversation about the enduring meaning of Christmas. Known for their leadership and faith, Kris and Kathy reflect on the miraculous story of Christ's birth and its profound blend of humanity and divinity. Together, they share insights on how to hold onto the true essence of Christmas amid the distractions of commercialization, encouraging listeners to reconnect with its true spiritual significance.Kris and Kathy also share a touching personal story about navigating financial hardships with creativity and faith. Recalling a time when scarcity gave way to an unexpected adventure, they draw parallels to the humble circumstances of Christ's birth. The conversation highlights how love and togetherness can transform challenges into cherished memories, offering a powerful reminder of the importance of family and faith.The episode takes a deeper turn as the Vallottons explore the supernatural aspects of the Christmas story and their relevance in everyday life. Reflecting on moments of divine provision, they illustrate how God's presence often surprises us in the ordinary and imperfect moments. Through these reflections, Kris, Kathy, Jason, and Lauren invite listeners to see the beauty in life's messiness and embrace the redemptive power of the Christmas story in their own lives.Join Jason and Lauren Vallotton for this uplifting conversation with Kris and Kathy Vallotton, as they celebrate faith, family, and the transformative hope of the Christmas season. Merry Christmas to you, and we'll see you back here in the New Year!For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Imagine the weight of rebuilding a marriage amidst public scrutiny and personal failure. Laura and Carl Lentz know this journey all too well, and they graciously join the Vallottons to share their path of healing and redemption following Carl's affair in 2020. Through candid conversations, they explore the complexities of maintaining genuine relationships in the face of betrayal, and the powerful role community support can play in times of crisis. Their story is not just one of personal recovery, but also a testament to the resilience found in embracing vulnerability and committing to change.Beyond their personal trials, the Vallottons tackle the broader theme of balancing emotional health with spiritual growth. In a world where hyper-spirituality often masks deeper issues, the Lentzes open up about the necessity of addressing deep-seated pain and the deceptive self-lies that perpetuate addiction. Our conversation digs into the intricate dynamics of rebuilding trust after infidelity, underscoring the pivotal moments of honesty and the proactive steps needed to create a foundation for healing. Laura's experience in setting clear boundaries and expectations highlights the courage required to face the truth and the profound freedom it can bring.Through real-life examples, this conversation illustrates how openness can transform potentially humiliating situations into valuable teaching moments that build trust and resilience. his episode is infused with hope, reminding us all of the transformative impact of perseverance and the lasting benefits of living truthfully amidst life's challenges. This episode dives into the nuances of addressing hidden pain, repairing broken trust, and creating a new foundation for relationships—not by erasing the past but by learning from it.Whether you've faced challenges in your marriage, struggled with trust, or simply want to know that restoration is possible, this episode is for you. It's an honest conversation that doesn't shy away from the hard truths but offers hope, practical insights, and a reminder that no matter how deep the wound, healing is always possible.Connect with Carl and Laura Lentz: Carl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Laura Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Episode Summary:In this special Q&A episode, the Vallottons tackle some of your most heartfelt and practical questions about trust, forgiveness, marriage, and family life. Whether you're looking for ways to rebuild trust, navigate the early months of marriage, or create meaningful family traditions, this episode has something for everyone.What's Covered in Today's Episode:How is trust practically built when it's been broken?Steps to rebuild trust through accountability, transparency, and consistent actions over time.The importance of small, intentional efforts in repairing relational safety.What happens if I forgive but cannot forget?Understanding forgiveness as a journey and why forgetting isn't required.Rebuilding trust is a process that requires seeing repeated success in that area of previous failure and also taking the risk to trust again.How do my wife of 2 months and I better create routine in the craziness of life?Ideas for setting rhythms and routines to strengthen your marriage.Carving out time for intentional connection as newlyweds before the demands of life and family make it harder to prioritize.What's the most repetitive struggle you usually see with men?Insights into common patterns, such as passivity and disconnection.Encouragement and strategies to move past these struggles inside connection with other men through BraveCo.How do you celebrate Advent with your kids?Creative and meaningful ways to engage children during the Advent season.Balancing faith, fun, and family in holiday traditions.Discovering Christmas: A 25 Day Advent Devotional with Activities for KidsCan you share creative family rhythms and traditions that shape family culture?How intentional practices can strengthen bonds and pass on values.Examples of daily, weekly, and seasonal traditions to cultivate connection. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Join the Vallottons as they share insights after leading their recent marriage intensive, where we spent six weeks with couples dedicated to enhancing their relational health. Through real-life counseling scenarios, and rounds of these marriage courses, the Vallottons have discovered what is common to many couples and identify keys to breakthrough in these different areas. Takeaways include:- it's the couples who want to grow and learn who get well- it's not conflict that tears apart connection, but rather behavior in conflict- a lack of self-awareness about what you bring into your marriage can be a downfall- a lack of tools for healthy communication is common and impacts EVERY other area of marriage life Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Life can feel overwhelming when chaos reigns in our hearts, homes, and minds. But did you know that your ability to face and navigate that chaos directly impacts your emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being? In this episode, the Vallotton's are diving into why confronting chaos matters and how it aligns with living a life of peace, purpose, and emotional health.What You'll Learn in This Episode:The Biblical Perspective on Chaos:Explore how scripture addresses chaos and God's desire for us to live in order and peace. We'll discuss how confronting disorder is a step toward aligning with His design.“God is always trying to bring order to chaos.""God sets man up for success by creating divine order.""God's structure fosters perfect love, promotes freedom, and creates powerful living."How Avoidance Fuels Anxiety:Learn why avoiding the mess—whether it's an emotional wound, a strained relationship, or a chaotic schedule—actually makes things worse and undermines your well-being.Practical Strategies to Confront Chaos:Identifying the sources of chaos in your life. "Anything outside of connection is unsustainable."Setting boundaries with wisdom and grace."Boundaries are meant to protect love.""Re-wiring is our job, not God's."The Link Between Confrontation and Emotional Health:Understand why emotional health requires courage to face hard truths. We'll provide tools to manage the discomfort of confrontation while maintaining compassion for yourself and others. "Our ability to create order is only limited by our unwillingness to confront chaos.""Avoiding chaos leads to pain; confronting it brings growth."Inviting God Into Your Chaos:Discover how prayer, surrender, and faith can transform chaos into a catalyst for growth and spiritual maturity. "God believes in our ability to be powerful people who can confront chaos."We're often trying to obtain peace around us so that we have peace inside of us. We were designed to BRING peace to chaos, to bring structure to disorder. That requires that we have peace and order inside of us to bring to the world around us. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this insightful episode, the Vallottons sit down with Robyn Gobbel, an expert in relational neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology, to discuss a transformative approach to understanding and supporting children's challenging behaviors. Robyn shares her journey from being a psychotherapist to becoming a dedicated advocate for families, particularly those dealing with complex trauma or adoption histories. The conversation centers around her influential book, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies That Really Work, which has been a key resource for the Vallotton family as they navigate their daughter's sensory modulation challenges. Robyn's guidance encourages parents to look beyond difficult behaviors and address the underlying needs driving them, ultimately fostering deeper connections.The discussion delves into the dynamic relationship between "connection" and "protection" modes within the nervous system, highlighting how these states impact both parents and children. Robyn explains the pivotal role of safety in building healthy connections and offers practical insights for handling real-life scenarios, such as when a child reacts with unexpected aggression. The Vallottons and Robyn explore the journey parents often face—from feelings of guilt to a deeper self-awareness—while learning to support their children's emotional regulation and maintaining their own.Listeners will also be introduced to the "owl, watchdog, and possum" framework that helps parents decode children's behaviors as signs of their needs rather than intentional defiance. The episode wraps up with actionable strategies for supporting children's emotional regulation, emphasizing that a parent's regulation is equally essential. Robyn's compassionate and knowledgeable approach equips parents with valuable tools to nurture strong connections and guide children through their toughest moments. This episode is essential listening for parents seeking a new perspective on navigating complex behaviors and fostering resilient, loving relationships with their children.Where to find Robyn Gobbel:https://robyngobbel.com/@robyn.gobbel Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Episode Summary:As we wrap up the year, the last few months often bring holiday stress, busier schedules, and the opportunity for intentionality. This episode dives into why the fourth quarter of the year is a pivotal time for strengthening relationships and offers practical tips for deepening connections, navigating holiday tensions, wrapping up the year with relational intentionality.1. The Fourth Quarter MindsetWe still have time to go! We can win big. Discuss why the 4th quarter is a natural time to invest in our closest relationships.There unique dynamics at play: busy schedules, increased family gatherings, and holiday expectationsBut we can really capitalize on our culture's emphasis on the holiday season by making it an incredible season of intentionality2. Balancing Holiday Stress with Relational ConnectionThere are great strategies for managing holiday stress without letting it impact your relationships.It's important to set boundaries, prioritize quality time, and manage energy levels to stay present with loved ones.It's important to create space for intentional moments with family and friends amidst the busyness of the season.It's also important to make time to recharge 3. Reflect and Reconnect: End-of-Year ConversationsReflect on how the holidays went last year, and contemplate how you want them to feel this year!Ask questions like,How did the holidays go LAST year, and what would we want to do the same or differently? What would make this holiday season feel really rich and meaningful to you?Are there any conversations I need to have before the holidays to prepare for great moments of connection with my spouse/kids/parents/friends/extended family? Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Description: Life is hard—and family and marriage, as part of God's design, come with their own challenges. Just because something is hard doesn't mean it's wrong. In this episode, we unpack the tension between fulfilled dreams and unmet expectations. We explore the trap of believing, “I'll be happy when…” and how comparison can steal our joy. What happens when reality doesn't match the dreams we had?We dive into the truth that God's dreams for us are often bigger—and harder—than what we imagine. Yet, it's through surrender and perseverance that we discover deeper joy. Drawing from Scripture, we reflect on what it means to embrace the hard work, steward what's been given, and trust that barren places can become fertile ground for God's purposes.Key Themes:The mindset of "I'll be happy when…" and the dangers of unrealistic expectationsHow comparison leaves us disappointedTrusting that God's dreams for us are greater than our ownEnduring hard seasons with faith, knowing that God rewards those who steward wellScriptural Truths:Romans 12 – Living as a sacrifice, transformed by GodLuke 9:23 – Taking up our cross dailyProverbs 3:5-6 – Trusting and submitting to God's planPsalm 23 – Finding comfort and provision in every seasonReflection Questions:How do I surrender and grieve disappointments when things don't go as planned?What does it look like to truly give my dreams to Jesus?Is the joy I seek found in a fulfilled dream, or in surrendering my dream to Him?Can the barren places in my life become fertile ground for God's purposes?Join us as we reflect on the joy that comes not from ease, but from faithfulness, endurance, and trusting God's bigger picture—even when it looks nothing like we imagined. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Episode 92: Why Isn't This Working?What to Do When Your Attempts at Healthy Conflict Resolution Seem to FailIn this episode, Lauren and Jay dive into the frustrating moments when your best efforts at conflict resolution just aren't cutting it. If you've ever wondered, “Why isn't this working?”—this one's for you! They walk through five key checkpoints to help you figure out where things might be going wrong and how to adjust.5-Point Check for Healthy Conflict ResolutionAre We Even Talking About the Same Thing?Heated arguments are often not just about the issue at hand.Ask yourself: What's this really about? Are there underlying issues driving the conflict?Are You Able to Communicate a Real Need?When you struggle to express your needs, you might shut down or get angry.Take a moment to dig deep and identify the real need behind the emotions you're feeling.Send the Right “I-Messages.”Keep your message concise—too many words can muddy the water.Remember, you're responsible for how you communicate, not how your partner responds.Your partner might respond poorly, especially if they feel shame or misunderstood, but focus on managing yourself.Plan Ahead for Triggers.Know what tends to set you off and create a strategy to stay on course.When those triggers hit, stick to the plan—no detours!Stick to the Script—Your Way Isn't Working!Use tools like our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet to stay on track. (Get it by taking our free marriage assessment [link].)What if your partner isn't playing by the rules? Stay focused on what you can control and keep improving.Bonus Tip: Learn from Feedback“We grow to the level of feedback we are willing to take.” After each conflict, reflect on what worked and what didn't. This is how real growth happens.Tune in now for practical advice, personal stories, and tips you can apply today to navigate conflict with more success.Resources Mentioned:Take the free marriage assessment and receive the Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet [https://www.jasonandlaurenvallotton.com/]. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

A note from Jason and Lauren: Ever feel emotionally disconnected, even in a healthy relationship? That was us this past month. Life got busy, stress built up, and before we knew it, we hit a wall—what we now call “disconnection week.”In this episode, we're pulling back the curtain to share how we navigated those difficult moments in real time. Whether you've been married 5 months or 50 years, connection takes intentional work. Conflict will come, but how you handle it makes all the difference. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this insightful Q&A session, the Vallottons tackle 5 questions submitted by listeners pertaining to marriage and friendship.Questions Answered in This Episode:1. When one spouse feels the need for separation to heal and rebuild, but the other is unwilling, what do you do?Make a real plan if you separate, and get help doing itBuild a NEW marriage, not fix the oldFocus present-future, and not on the tangle from the pastReal justice is getting what God paid for, not getting an apology2. What specific emotional needs are unhealthy in opposite sex friendships?It's less about a specific list of needs that are or aren't ok to be met by an opposite sex friend. It's more about the depth of intimacy in ANY area that you allow yourself to go to.When you invest emotional intimacy into friendships with the opposite sex, and then that person finds a committed partner, you're putting yourself in a position to be left and wondering if your heart is valuable.Our single seasons are meant for investing in same-sex friendships and vibrant community, not opposite-sex intimacy.3. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with narcissistic tendencies in a spouse?Be careful not to label your spouse with a disorder! Selfishness and an inability to care for you well does not make your spouse a narcissist.There are true narcissists, however! You should get a professional to help you diagnose and treat. Ultimately a narcissist will need a full rewiring, which they'll need a professional to help with.Use healthy boundaries in the process!4. How do you recharge well when you have a marriage and family and work to take care of?Plan aheadGet small breaks but plan for the full recharge momentsGrow in an awareness of HOW you like to fully rechargeBecome a great teammate with your spouse so you get the support you need without derailing your family when you need to recharge.5. I'm a husband and a father that loves God, but I just don't feel a lot of purpose or motivation, and I keep getting stuck in this rut. What should I do? Men get trapped in being self-focused and forget that the POINT of focusing on me is so I can be great for other people. Cure to addiction, not wanting to be present at homeLife should be about leading others well, not just selfBeing a leader is one of the most important jobs on the planet. Moses freed 400 years of bondage because he lead… Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Have you ever wondered how faith can transform your life and relationships? In this special episode, the Vallotton's are honored to be joined by Dru Hammer, an extraordinary woman whose journey of faith and resilience shines through in every aspect of her life.Dru Hammer, originally from Tulsa, Oklahoma, shares the profound spiritual awakening of her father, which is captured in her book Hammered. Her story reveals the power of faith to transform individuals and families, especially in times of hardship. From navigating divorce and infidelity to finding peace and healing through a spiritual pilgrimage to Israel, Dru's journey of forgiveness, resilience, and the divine guidance that shaped her path offers hope to anyone facing life's struggles.One of the most powerful moments in this episode is when Dru talks about a heart-shaped stone she found on her trip to Israel, symbolizing renewed hope and God's ever-present love. She emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive friends, spiritual leaders, and immersing in Biblical teachings to find strength during life's darkest moments.Parenting and personal growth also take center stage as Dru shares her experiences raising children with strong faith-based values in a world that increasingly questions religion. She opens up about her son Armie's journey from deep church involvement to questioning his faith, and the challenges she faced as a single parent post-divorce. Her volunteer work at the Los Angeles Dream Center adds another layer to her story, revealing how helping others in recovery led to her own unexpected spiritual growth and support.This heartfelt episode closes with Dru's inspiring message about the importance of faith, resilience, and never giving up, no matter the challenges. Whether you're seeking solace, direction, or simply want to hear an incredible story of hope, this episode is a testament to the power of faith to heal and transform.Tune in for a conversation full of wisdom, faith, and the reminder that you are never alone in your journey. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Lauren introduces the episode by announcing that applications for The Marriage Intensive are open!As the fourth and final episode in The Measure of Marriage series, the Vallottons introduce Riley and Candace Stuart to listeners as a young married couple who have been able to identify issues, work on them, and experience the beautiful fruit of working hard on their marriage connection. Get ready to be inspired by their love story and the practical insights they offer from their six-year relationship.Ever wondered what it's like to navigate the early stages of marriage? Riley and Candace open up about the unexpected pressures and challenges they faced in their first year. Riley reveals the stress and anxiety he felt trying to live up to his own expectations as a husband, while Candace emphasizes the transformative power of empathy and compassion. Their stories of personal growth and mutual support highlight the essential role of humility and understanding in overcoming marital hurdles.Investing in your personal growth and relationship can be truly transformative. Riley and Candace discuss the pitfalls of passivity and people-pleasing, and the significant impact professional help had on their communication and emotional well-being. Learn from their experiences about the importance of validating each other's emotions, preparing for future challenges, and maintaining a strong, connected partnership. Don't miss this episode packed with practical tools and heartfelt stories that can help any couple foster a deeper, more resilient bond. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Lauren opens the episode by setting the context for today's discussion as part 3 in a 4-part mini series with today's topic being “dynamic” couples. Listeners should visit jasonandlaurenvallotton.com to take the free marriage assessment to get a real-time look at the state of your relationship. Understanding the three possible categories is essential to chart a pathway forward for growth in your marriage.Segment 1: What Does a Dynamic Marriage Feel Like?Jason begins by describing the feelings associated with a dynamic marriage, where both partners feel valued and connected:For Women: Feeling known, seen, heard, and valued.For Men: Feeling respected and believed in.Trust and Safety: Both partners believe they can tell the truth to one another and that the other is their safest place.Presence and Teamwork: Feeling each other's presence and making decisions as a team.Hope for the Future: Believing in their ability to navigate hardships together with hope.Jason emphasizes that life isn't necessarily easier for these couples, but they have practiced the necessary skills so much that they know what to do when challenges arise.Segment 2: Contributors to a Dynamic MarriageJason discusses the key factors that contribute to a dynamic and thriving marriage:Covenant Commitment: A deep, unwavering commitment to each other.Emotional Connection: Maintaining a strong emotional bond.Communication and Conflict Resolution: Effective communication and the ability to resolve conflicts constructively.Standards and Boundaries: The ability to set and keep standards that support the relationship.Turning Towards Each Other: Making a habit of turning towards each other first, especially in times of stress.Teamwork: Operating as a team in all aspects of life.Segment 3: How to Achieve a Dynamic MarriageJason provides actionable steps couples can take to move towards a dynamic marriage:Understanding Your Normal: Recognizing what is “normal” in your relationship and identifying what adjustments are needed to create a culture that both partners feel good about.Practice Makes Perfect: Continuously practicing new ways of being, thinking, and communicating until they become the new normal.Trust-Building: Trust is often built when someone makes a mistake and then takes responsibility to clean it up, reinforcing safety and reliability in the relationship. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Lauren opens the episode by setting the context for today's discussion as part 2 in a 4-part mini series with today's topic being “developing” couples. Listeners should visit jasonandlaurenvallotton.com to take the free marriage assessment to get a real-time look at the state of your relationship. Understanding the three possible categories is essential to chart a pathway forward for growth in your marriage.Segment 1: Recognizing the Need for GrowthJason describes the subtle signs that signal a marriage needs development. These signs might manifest as a feeling that the marriage should be better, or they might surface after a significant event that reveals the need for work to achieve a healthy relationship.Key points discussed include:"Good Enough" Syndrome: Couples might feel they are “good enough” but still experience loneliness in certain areas, avoiding painful topics while focusing on what works well.Dissatisfaction: A feeling of dissatisfaction without clarity on whether it's valid or how to address it.Partial Understanding: Feeling only partially known by your partner, recognizing areas in the marriage that lack strength, particularly in communication and conflict resolution.Recurring Disagreements: Persistent disagreements that never seem to find true resolution, often leading to fear of expressing true thoughts or feelings.Segment 2: Contributors to a Developing MarriageJason dives into the factors that contribute to a marriage being in a developing stage, emphasizing the lack of intentional growth.Key factors include:Outdated Skills: Many couples continue using communication, connection, and conflict resolution skills that they developed in high school, which are no longer sufficient.Pressure of Life: The added responsibilities of kids and full-time work put immense pressure on marriage, necessitating growth in both capacity and competency.Outdated Operating Systems: Jason likens it to using an old operating system under new pressures, which leads to feeling overwhelmed and quickly bankrupt in key areas of the relationship.Accumulation of Unresolved Issues: Over time, unresolved conflicts build up, creating ongoing pain, and couples have less grace for old, painful habits. The attitude of “that's just who I am” can become a barrier to growth.Segment 3: Moving Toward Connection and GrowthJason outlines the steps necessary for couples to transition from a developing stage to a more connected and fulfilling marriage. He shares insights, observing that many couples experience a great awakening, often after a failure, which leads to a determination to rebuild their marriage.Steps to move forward include:Identifying Pain Points: Couples must be willing to focus on what they are contributing to the issues, taking ownership of their actions.Setting Clear Targets: A clear and consistent plan is essential. Couples should agree on targets and work together to achieve them.Relying on Guidance: Counseling, courses, or other structured programs can be invaluable. Jason emphasizes the importance of trusting someone else's plan rather than trying to navigate the challenges alone. Making an investment in professional guidance can be a game-changer. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Lauren opens the episode by setting the context for today's discussion as part 1 in a 4-part mini series with today's topic being “disconnected” couples. She encourages listeners to visit jasonandlaurenvallotton.com to take the free marriage assessment, a tool designed to give a real-time look at the state of your relationship. She emphasizes that understanding the three possible categories is essential to chart a pathway forward for growth in your marriage.Segment 1: Understanding Disconnection in MarriageJason begins by sharing a profound truth: “People don't fall out of love; they become disconnected.” He then dives into the feelings and signs of disconnection:Your partner feels like the enemy: You might find yourself arguing with them, even when they're not around.Emotional Safety: You feel unsafe to share your true emotions, leading to hiding or dishonesty.Building a Case: You spend time thinking about how you're right and they're wrong, instead of seeking connection.Self-Protection: You stop asking for help, become self-sufficient, and focus on meeting your needs independently.Segment 2: Contributors to a Disconnected MarriageJason shares a personal story from early in his marriage, where unresolved conflict led him to shut down emotionally. He explains that poor communication and conflict resolution skills are major contributors to disconnection. However, he clarifies that conflict itself isn't the problem; it's the inability to work through it effectively.Key points discussed include:Past Traumas and Unhealed Pain: How these can dictate decisions and create barriers to connection.Addictions: The role of substances or behaviors like alcohol, porn, drugs, or overwork in eroding trust and credibility in a marriage.Self-Love: Jason emphasizes that your ability to love and care for yourself directly impacts how you love your partner.Segment 3: Moving Toward ConnectionJason talks about the importance of courage, compassion, authenticity, and vulnerability in creating pathways to connection. He references Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly (link), underscoring that connection starts with personal responsibility.He highlights the following steps:Ownership and Humility: Jason shares a personal story of a fight outside the church, illustrating the importance of focusing on your part in a conflict.Gottman's Repair Attempts: Referencing a fight in Hawaii, Jason discusses the value of repair attempts in restoring connection. He points listeners to Gottman's book (link).Making Amends: Jason advises that sometimes reconnection requires making amends, especially when your partner hasn't felt seen, heard, known, or validated in their pain.Resources:Vallotton's Marriage Connection AssessmentBrown's Daring Greatly: Amazon LinkGottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: Amazon Link Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this enlightening episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with Ken Williams, a father of four and co-founder of the Changed Movement, to discuss one of the most critical and often challenging topics for parents today: how to talk to your kids about sex and sexuality. Ken shares his transformative journey of overcoming same-sex attraction and dedicating his life to helping others.This episode emphasizes the 'first mention principle,' guiding parents on how to be the primary source of information for their children on topics of sex and sexuality. They dive deep into the following points:Key Talking Points:1. When and How to Talk to Your Kids About SexTiming is Key: Understanding when to start conversations about sex with your children and how to approach it based on their age and maturity.Parental Responsibility: Discussing how character development and sex education is primarily the role of the parent, referencing Dr. Stan Jones' principles on the subject.Age-Based Conversations: Jason and Ken outline the age-appropriate conversations every parent should have to ensure comprehensive sexual education for their kids.Resource Highlight: God's Design for Sex by Dr. Stan Jones is recommended as a foundational resource for parents.2. Stewarding the Power of SexualityKen's Insights: Helping your children understand and steward the powerful aspects of sexuality and reproduction responsibly.Vision and Development: Why attaching a clear vision to your children's development helps prevent emotions and circumstances from dictating their views on sexuality.Avoiding the Pitfall of “The Talk”: Exploring where parents often go wrong by treating sex education as a one-time conversation rather than an ongoing dialogue.Purpose Behind the Drive: The importance of helping kids understand why they have a sex drive and how vision gives purpose to the discipline needed to protect it.3. Addressing Gender Confusion and IdentityCultural Shifts: Jason and Ken discuss the rising percentage of young people identifying as LGBTQ+ and the cultural changes influencing this shift.Core Values vs. Cultural Norms: How parents can uphold their core beliefs and values while navigating relationships in a society with diverse views on gender and sexuality.Building Strong Identity: Practical advice for building a strong sense of identity in your kids to combat confusion about gender and sexuality.Compassion and Truth: Encouraging parents to raise kids who show compassion towards others while holding onto truth, and discussing the lies being fed to kids about gender identity.Personal Story: Jason shares his own story of navigating fear and confusion about his sexual identity.Resources Mentioned:Moral Revolution's Parent Well: A valuable resource for parents navigating these complex topics.God's Design for Sex: A recommended read by Dr. Stan Jones.Changed Movement: Visit ChangedMovement.com and check out their ebook “Self Discovery” for more insights and support. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

This is the second part in a three part series on Parenting the Hard Stuff! In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with Ben and Brittney Serpell, parents of three and Senior Leaders at Loving on Purpose, to discuss the challenges of guiding children through the world of dating.Key Discussion Points:Imperfect Parenting: Brittney Serpell shares her thoughts on navigating the ups and downs of parenting, emphasizing the importance of connection with your children.When is the Right Time to Start Dating? The Serpells discuss the idea that there is no "one size fits all" answer, as each child is unique. They stress the importance of maturity, connection with parents, and a relationship with God in guiding this decision.Preparing Kids for Dating: Learn how to set expectations for your children as they start exploring romantic relationships. The Serpells discuss the importance of helping kids understand the emotions and decisions that come with liking someone.Purpose of Dating: We explore the idea that dating in youth should be about getting to know someone, having fun, and learning about yourself—rather than searching for a lifelong partner.Parental Intervention: The Serpells share a personal story about their daughter Delani and how they navigated a challenging dating situation. They also offer advice on when and how parents should step in if things aren't going well.Navigating Screens in Dating: With technology playing a significant role in today's dating world, Ben and Brittney discuss the importance of helping kids filter their communication and make wise choices.Leading Kids Through Dating: The conversation delves into guiding children through the emotional, physical, and relational aspects of dating, emphasizing the need to balance validation with pointing them toward healthy relationships.Understanding Love vs. Passion: The Serpells talk about helping kids differentiate between love and passion, and the importance of maturity in relationships.Affiliate Linked Resources:Imperfect Parenting by Brittney Serpell is recommended for parents who are wanting to grow in connection-based parenting.Dr. Meg Meeker's books are recommended for parents who working to build their sons and daughters.Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Biggest Challenges Parents Face:The primary challenges include managing the pervasive presence of technology and its impact on children. Parents must prioritize training their children in godly principles. The need for intentionality is crucial, as the internet is actively influencing and potentially addicting children to screens.45% of teens report being online almost constantly (Pew Research Center). The average age for creating a first social media account is 12.6 years. Parents must evaluate their own technology use to effectively guide their children.Technology's Influence on Development:Technology affects emotional, social, and cognitive development, particularly in early childhood. Excessive screen time can lead to:Addiction due to dopamine hitsA lack of essential life skills, resulting in instant gratification, a false sense of accomplishment and poor relationship/communication skillsDecreased attention spans:The AAP recommends no more than one 1 of screen time per day for children aged 2 to 5 and consistent limits for older kids. Kids aged 8 to 12 spend an average of 4.75 hours on screens daily (2023 study).60% of parents with children aged 8 to 12 are worried about online privacy.Nearly 40% of children aged 10 to 17 report being bullied online.Practical Suggestions:Teach children that trust and connection are the most valuable commodities. “If I trust you, you get so much freedom.” Create age-appropriate boundaries for technology use.Enforce boundaries without fostering conflict or resentment.Encourage children to set their own boundaries.Delay giving children phones until at least 8th grade.Establish a bedtime for phones.Consider options like the GABB phone and Bark phoneTailor screen time based on the level of freedom your child can handle.Recommended Resources:Defend Young Minds  - Vallotton affiliate linksBrain Defense resources for families, classrooms, schools, etc.Brain Defense home pageAmazon affiliate link to  booksGood Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.Good Pictures, Bad Pictures for older kids Protect Young EyesCommon Sense MediaGuests: Cole & Caitlin Zick, Pastors of Risen King Church in Redding, CA, and Former Directors of Moral Revolution Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Episode Overview:In this heartfelt episode, Jason and Lauren delve into the transformative power of life with Jesus and how it serves as the ultimate foundation for relational health. They share personal stories, reflect on their spiritual journeys, and discuss the profound impact of understanding Jesus as both a savior and a relational companion.Key Discussion Points:The Vallotton's Foundations of Faith:Jason's Upbringing: Jason recounts growing up in a home where the supernatural was a regular part of life. With parents who pastored a small community church, Jason experienced a world where the angelic and the demonic were very real, shaping his understanding of faith.Lauren's Journey: Lauren reflects on her evolving understanding of salvation, contrasting her early perceptions with her deeper, more mature insights today.Understanding Salvation:Early vs. Present Views: Lauren discusses how her concept of salvation as a young girl differed from her current perspective, emphasizing the relational aspect of Jesus over mere religious concepts.Relationship with Jesus: Both hosts highlight the significance of Jesus's promise to be with us, focusing on how this relationship is central to overcoming life's challenges and finding true peace.Favorite Scriptures:Philippians 4: Emphasis on peace and contentment through Christ.James 1: Insights on perseverance and wisdom.Joshua 1:9: Encouragement to be strong and courageous, with God's presence.Isaiah 12:2: The joy and salvation found in trusting God.Christ's Role in Our Lives:Relational Health: The discussion centers on how Jesus takes upon Himself our impossibilities, shortcomings, and burdens, offering a relationship that surpasses mere religious practice.The Ultimate Price: Jason and Lauren reflect on the beautiful truth that Christ not only addresses our struggles but desires a deep, personal relationship with us. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this episode, the Vallottons share some insights after their recent experience when Jason handled solo parenting for six days while Lauren was away. Families can set themselves up for success during these times by paying attention to the following categories and planning ahead!Prep for Leaving:Ask the Right Questions: Before you leave, ask your partner if there's anything specific they would love you to do or set up. It's important to know their actual needs versus what you think might help. Babysitters and Meals: Arrange for babysitters and meal planning in advance to reduce the stress on your partner.Household Tasks: Take care of essential household tasks before leaving to ensure a smooth operation while you're away.Lists: Create a list of important information, but don't be surprised if it's not needed.Packing: Don't wait until the last minute to pack. Being prepared ahead of time reduces stress for everyone.Setting the Kids Up for Success:Thoughtful Gestures: Find ways to help the kids feel connected while you're gone.FaceTime Flexibility: Don't force FaceTime calls if the kids are not in the right mood. It's better to have quality conversations when everyone is in a good place.Routine Maintenance: Keep the kids' routine as consistent as possible, even when one parent is away. This helps provide stability.Activity Planning: Make a plan for fun activities the kids will enjoy.Couples Connect:Virtual Dates: It's possible to have an intimate date via FaceTime. Set aside time to connect as a couple even when apart.Processing Time: Allow each other time to process the separation and share feelings, even while apart.Small Touchpoints: Send small, thoughtful messages or texts to stay connected throughout the day.Think About Re-Entry Ahead of Time:Itinerary Planning: Consider your return itinerary based on your needs and those of the family.Expectation Management: Acknowledge that being away is not always a vacation. Coming home might not mean feeling refreshed. Plan accordingly to accommodate both partners' needs.Physical Intimacy: It's important to discuss and manage expectations about sex when returning from a trip.Re-entry Stress: Talk as a couple about potential re-entry stress and how to mitigate it. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Money can be a tough topic for marriages and relationships, especially in today's challenging financial climate. Finances can become a minefield for some couples, but achieving a life of peace and power in every area, including finances, is possible. Peace isn't about the absence of conflict or troubles; it's about having a plan.In this dynamic and empowering episode, Jason Vallotton sits down with his good friend Chris Lamm, owner of Mortgage One in Redding, California, and host of the Money Whole podcast. Together, they address the keys to moving towards financial freedom and fostering financial harmony in relationships.Seek Expertise: Find someone who's better at managing finances than you and ask for help.Budgeting: Utilize a personal family budget to track and manage expenses effectively.Long-Term Vision: Create a long-term vision for where you want to be financially, then reverse-engineer that vision to set achievable goals.Strategic Financial Management: Be strategic with income, investments, and savings by either increasing your income, cutting unnecessary spending, or both.Overcoming Barriers: Address barriers to financial growth, including fear and uncertainty.Take Action: Take proactive steps towards your financial goals, no matter how small they may seem.Quotes:"Peace isn't the absence of conflict or troubles; it exists when you have a plan.""People want to feel powerful in every area of life, finances included."Resources:Mortgage OneMoney Whole Podcast Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In this insightful Q&A session, the Vallottons tackle some of the most pressing questions about relationships, marriage, and friendship.Questions Answered in This Episode:Sexual Attraction in Marriage After Weight GainDiscussion Points:Understanding how physical changes can impact attraction.Strategies to maintain intimacy and emotional connection.Fostering open and honest communication with your partner about these changes.Dealing with Insecurities: Boyfriend's Gorgeous Female FriendDiscussion Points:Navigating feelings of insecurity and jealousy in a relationship.Importance of trust and open dialogue with your partner.Setting healthy boundaries.Building a Friend Group as a Guy: Importance of Thriving MarriagesDiscussion Points:The challenge of finding male friends who are committed to their marriages.How to cultivate friendships that support and reinforce positive relationship values.Evaluating the importance of shared values in friendships with regards to taking ownership over areas of your life that need work.Knowing When to Stop Fighting for Your MarriageDiscussion Points:Make these decisions with wise counsel who know you and are in your daily life with you.Rebuilding a solid marriage with a willing spouse is always better than divorce.You can't control anyone but yourself.Dealing with Chronic Illness and Sexual Dysfunction in MarriageDiscussion Points:Understanding the impact of chronic illness on marital intimacy.Ways to maintain physical affection and emotional closeness.Communicating needs and finding solutions together as a couple. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In any deep relationship, having hard conversations is unavoidable. It's not the conflict itself that destroys connection, but rather the behavior within the conflict. Research shows that how you start a conversation determines how it ends with 80% accuracy. In this episode, we delve into the essential skill of engaging in difficult conversations in a way that builds connection rather than tearing it apart. Join the Vallottons as they explore practical strategies and mindsets for navigating these challenging moments with grace and empathy, ultimately strengthening your relationships.5 Keys to Having Hard Conversations Well:Leave Assumptions About Motives at the Door:Recognize it's easy to see a situation only from your perspective.Understand there's always another perspective and we rarely assume the best when emotions are high.Avoid deciding why someone does what they do or what is happening for them.Seek to Understand:Ask questions like “Can you help me understand?” instead of “Why would you do that?”Approach the conversation with curiosity and openness.Soft Startup:Use “I” statements to talk about yourself.Avoid using accusatory language like “You always…” or “You make me…”Look for Win-Wins:Strive for outcomes that benefit both parties.Focus on mutual respect and understanding. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

Episode 76 is a message that Jason Vallotton preached at Bethel Church on Father's Day, 2024! Following the annual BraveCo men's conference, Jason recalls testimonies and big wins from BraveCo's  largest men's event of the year before diving into a profoundly impactful message.Drawing lessons from the creation story in Genesis, Jason explores how God's structured approach to creating the world can offer us valuable insights for managing our own lives. Each day of creation holds a lesson on bringing order to our personal chaos.To wrap it up, Jason confronts chaos head-on, exploring themes of divine order and the necessity of setting boundaries. Personal stories highlight financial struggles and the fears that come with instability, offering lessons from biblical stories like the Israelites in the wilderness. He shares the importance of seeking support and true repentance as keys to transforming chaos into order in every area of life. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

After a two-week vacation, the Vallottons are back with an insightful episode on what to do in marriage emergencies. In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies, they dive deep into what truly constitutes an "emergency" in a marriage relationship. Whether it's the utterance of "I'm done" from one or both partners, the toxic presence of the Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling), or severe issues like infidelity and addiction, they explore the signs and solutions. If you're feeling the weight of unresolved conflicts, avoiding emotional and physical connection, or dealing with major mistrust, this episode is for you.Key Points:Identifying an Emergency:One or both partners saying, “I'm done.”Presence of the Four Horsemen: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.Unresolved conflicts leading to bitterness and hopelessness.Avoiding emotional and physical connection.Infidelity and addiction.Major mistrust.Steps to Take During a Relationship Emergency:Don't Try to Solve It Alone:Reach out to a counselor.Seek support from friends.Trust someone more than yourself.Developing a Real Plan:Emergencies require real plans and a willingness to adhere to them.Avoid making plans without accountability. Who's on your team?Ensure your plans are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound), not fluid or subjective.Establishing Boundaries:Understand what boundaries look like in marriage and how they are not “controlling.”Discuss when separation might be appropriate and helpful.Communicating with Your Kids:What to tell your kids and when to share it.Common Mistakes Couples Make:Trying to fix a marriage when they're really burned out.Unwillingness to take ownership of their part.Reluctance to try again after previous efforts have failed.Takeaways:Understanding what constitutes a relationship emergency is crucial for timely intervention.Seeking external help and creating accountable, structured plans are vital steps.Setting and respecting boundaries can prevent further damage and facilitate healing.Communicating appropriately with children can mitigate their emotional burden.Avoiding common pitfalls can pave the way for more effective solutions and renewed efforts in saving the relationship.Tune in to gain insights and practical advice on navigating these challenging times in your relationship. Don't miss out on expert guidance and supportive strategies to help you through your relationship emergencies. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In May of 2024, Jason and Lauren spoke at an online event with the thriving singles ministry at Life Center Church in New York City about the foundations of relational health! This episode is part two of a two part message about connection as the bedrock of relational health.This portion is a recording of the Q&A time we shared with Life Center Church at their singles event. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org

In May of 2024, Jason and Lauren spoke at an online event with the thriving singles ministry at Life Center Church in New York City about the foundations of relational health! This episode is part one of a two part message about connection as the bedrock of relational health. Connect with Lauren:InstagramFacebookConnect with Jason:Jay's InstagramJay's FacebookBraveCo Instagramwww.braveco.org