Wild and Precious Conversations

Welcome! Today is a special episode where I have a conversation with Deirdre McLaughlin about dignity and compassion for people who are attracted to minors.We explicitly are not talking about people who perpetrate sexual abuse against children. We are in no way conflating child sexual abuse with persons who are attracted to minors.And we would like to ask you to consider this.There are people in our midst who have been dealt a hand where their sexual orientation is attraction to minors and we believe our society could use some support in learning how to talk about this with dignity and compassion. I am going to present here the list of resources Deirdre put together for this conversation, and leave it at that. Our conversation, in my humble opinion, is grace-filled, caring, and well worth your hour. We pause for somatic grounding throughout, and have been very careful to provide a model for how you might have a conversation about extending compassion to this group where — well where society does not readily extend compassion.Yes, trigger warning. But this conversation is therapeutic in nature. We have constructed it as a map of sorts — a way forward. How to have a compassionate, caring, careful, dignified conversation.Resources for MAP — Minor Attracted Persons"Child sexual abuse (CSA) is possibly one of the only offenses where people collectively 'feel the response before they deliberately consider the issue.'"~ Jennifer Parr and Dominic Pearson, Non-Offending Minor-Attracted Persons:Professional Practitioners’ Views on the Barriers to Seeking and Receiving Their HelpTerminology:m.a.p.: minor-attracted personpedophile (a simplified definition): one who is sexually, emotionally, or romantically attracted to childrenchild molester: a sexual offender who has committed either intra-familial sexual offense (incest) against a child victim, or extra-familial sexual offenses against a child victim, or both b4u-actOur Mission: To publicly promote professional services and resources for self-identified individuals (adults and adolescents) who are sexually attracted to children and desire such assistance● To educate mental health providers regarding approaches needed inunderstanding and responding to individuals (adult and adolescents) who aresexually attracted to children and who either seek or are referred for servicesregarding issues identified by such persons or by those referring them forservices● To develop a pool of health care providers who agree to serve individuals(adults and adolescents) who are sexually attracted to children, utilizing thetherapeutic approaches advocated by the organization● To educate the public regarding issues faced by individuals (adults andadolescents) who are sexually attracted to children● To undertake other projects, programs, and activities as the need to do sopresents itselfCircles of Support and Accountability (CoSA)Grounded in restorative justice principles, Circles of Support and Accountability (CoSA)reduces sexual victimization by assisting people who have committed sexual offenses to lead responsible, constructive, and accountable lives in their communities.The Prevention PodcastThe Prevention Podcast is dedicated to addressing controversial topics related to sexual violence prevention, education, and outreach. With this podcast hosted by Candice Christiansen, you will learn from leading experts in the field of juvenile and adult sex offender research and treatment, explore dicey topics including the biology of pedophilia, and the truth about anti-contact pedophiles, and hear about various sexual violence prevention programs around the world. We believe that prevention IS the intervention and that accurate assessments and treatment interventions are key to a safe society.Virtuous PedophilesVirtuous Pedophiles, the organization:● offers support and companionship to pedophiles and other minor attracted peoplein a peer-group setting● seeks to educate the public about pedophilia, including the fact that havingpedophilia does not entail committing crimes● helps pedophiles never to abuse children and supports law-abiding behaviormore broadly● campaigns for better mental health support for pedophiles, including pedophileyouth● argues against stigmas that create unjust discrimination against pedophilessupports research that creates a better understanding of pedophiliaVirtuous Pedophiles● believe that sexual activity between an adult and a child is always wrong, andoppose legalizing it or making it in any way more accepted● believe that material that records abuse and exploitation of real children is alwayswrong and oppose its production, distribution, legalization and useStatistics and Facts(taken from B4U-ACT’S RESEARCH SUMMARY, 2020)It is estimated that from one in five to most men exhibit some attraction to children or pubescent adolescents, and that for 0.5% to 5% of all males, this attraction is preferential.(*However, there is no solid data to support these figures. For perhaps obvious reasons, it is difficult to get clear data on this population. Fear of stigmatization prevents many non-offending pedophiles from seeking help or speaking up. Most research has been conducted on those who have offended.)Though researchers have sought to determine psycho-dynamic, neurobiological,environmental, and genetic bases for pedophilia, results are usually weak andcorrelational rather than causal.What is certain is that minor attraction follows a developmental arc similar to the more common sexual orientations: It is stable, often realized before or during puberty, and encompasses a clear preference in sexual and/or romantic partners for each individual.Many MAPs become aware of their attraction before they are fifteen years of age.Pedophiles and child molesters are not the same thing. In most samples, pedophilesmake up the sizable minority, not majority, of offenders. Estimates of preferentialattraction for children among those who offend are often in the ballpark of 25% to 50%.In other words, one can be a pedophile and not a child molester, and far more child molesters are not pedophiles at all.There is a persistent stereotype that those who have broken a sex law are prone to do it again, despite evidence suggesting that they are as or less likely to do so than those who commit other crimes. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Photo by aisvri on UnsplashI wonder.I mean, honestly, this morning, I have an image of Ukrainian grandmas on my mind. As I write this, as I say this, What would a benevolent world actually look like? It's been on my mind all week. This week has been interesting. I think what I came to at least for my own world is that a benevolent world would be moving a lot more slowly. It seems as though it's the actions and thoughts that happen in the moment really quickly without thought that really sort of push forward a world that's less benevolent. I have a tiny story — Yesterday.I did a simple seemingly benevolent thing for one of my progeny. I made them a smoothie. And no, no one was hurt. But in counseling later that day, this smoothie making became the event that helped me unravel what keeps me from benevolence in my own life. So I'm going to try to try to unravel that here.That thing is safety.I made a smoothie filled with lots of really healthy stuff. Also delicious, just sweet enough. They drank most of it, but not all of it. And so what I ended up doing was even bringing that tiny amount with us in the car. So that they could have one more chance is I implored them to finish the whole thing.He very politely said, no, thank you to their credit and stayed relatively calm while I was, I, I think that the voice I have right now, perfectly sort of mimics what my voice was that morning. Come on. Just one more sip. By the time I got back home, I was aware enough to realize that something was going on.I actually forced myself to measure it out and show myself clearly what was going on that what had been left with negligible. If I were really worried about malnutrition, I don't think that that was a problem. So what was this all about? Obviously not nutrition. The feeling in my body when the smoothie was refused, or again, this tiny amount of smoothie was refused.It was one of foreboding and dread. I'm really not proud of admitting this. In fact, I hesitated, hesitated as I was like, come on, just say it out loud.But it's true.As I drove home from counseling and ran a couple errands on my way home. I was unpacking more, what I think was going on. And I think it is this universal feeling that comes up for all of us, but all of us in a slightly different way.Robert Sapolsky, the Stanford. I believe he's a biologist, almost sure of that. He's written a book called Behave and has several lovely videos out there talking about his work and, and in one of them, he explains that the love hormone, oxytocin, amplifies feelings of love for people who are in our “in group”. But it also amplifies feelings of not love or more exclusion for people who are outside our in group that sets up something kind of interesting.Think about it. We all need to create a sense of I'll call it Eden. A sense of safety. A perimeter around ourselves within which we're at ease.I don't really like noticing that I do this, but I think it's key. I think it's really that key to why benevolence is so hard. Sometimes even with people we adore.My castle walls are built around an idea that our family in our family, we are healthy. Yikes. As you may be aware, there have been marauding vandals and thieves and whatnot banging on my castle walls for the past couple of years, past few years. My castle is also built around an idea that we're immune to violence.Violence happens out there to other people. I'm still not really ready to talk about the super publicly, but it's important for this essay to mention that extreme violence at the hands of the system did happen to our family about a year ago. As I say this, my hands are shaking and my heart is racing.The system metaphorically took a battleram and knocked out one of the metaphorical walls in my metaphorical castle.Metaphorically, but also in a well, in a realer way, realer way, my family, my Eden became fragile.And so I can very much understand not being benevolent. It's literally why I'm in counseling.Back to the smoothie because the smoothie drinking episode deconstructed in counseling began to help me unpack all of this. As I drove home from counseling, a police car passed me and as it did, so I literally sat up straighter tensing up because they are that symbol of the system who introduced violence into our family.I've found my body aware and then. I thought to myself, if we're all quiet, no one gets hurt.And then less humorous a flashback to a scene that had come up in counseling, a scene of early kind of violence in my life at gymnastics. I would have been around 11 years old and at least once we had to sit cross-legged along a wall perfectly still for two hours.And then there's another tiny scene I had just finished bars and was moving to floor, which was a brand new spring floor. And back in those days, very few gyms had those Olympic quality spring floors. My hand was bleeding as it would, uh, from the bars they would rip. Um, so I showed my coach out of fear of getting blood on his floor instead though he took my head hand, considered it a moment of weakness on my part.I think he clearly didn't understand that I was worried about the blood on his floor and was thinking that I was upset because I had a little bit of blood on my hand. He took my hand, yelled at me for being such a baby and ripped this skin off the blister, which was common back in those days.The ntold me to rub chalk in it, which again was common. But I think the key there was the importance of remaining, perfectly neutral showing absolutely nothing on my face. So composure and we won't get hurt. Composure as adults raged was definitely how I stayed safe as a child.In the newsletter I mentioned another early childhood memory, my infamous rubber band incident. I clearly remember that teacher — grade one. I was six. I liked her. She was really lovely. This one day we were all quietly stringing rubber bands onto a grid of nails that had been kind of nailed into a little wooden block.It's hard to explain. I was in a progressive school. I think it was math. I'm not sure how one rubber band got loose to this day. I remember the name Allen as the little boy who shot the rubber band. It was an accident. Immediately though, the teacher commanded all heads down and we stayed there for what seemed like an eternity.I know in this case, it wasn't that. But as she admonished us about the dangers of rubber bands, and I remember being also at the same time, really scared and also understanding how funny this was, even at the time, I really can't remember how it was resolved, but all I know is that we all knew then that it was an accident and that none of us could say that because she wanted a bad guy to punish.So these stories taken together. It's why we can't have nice things. I'm only kidding a little. That was another thought that had come up.As I drove home from counseling, all this came together and I realized that I occasionally create little talismans, little incantations. To keep my personal Eden secure to keep my castle walls strong unconsciously, of course. And it's possible that I making too much of this smoothie, a Tempest in a smoothie cup, perhaps, but also I think there's at least a grain of truth here.There's a feeling in the air recently of needing to magically create safe spaces around certain groups where we feel secure. Certain incantations we do to help delineate a perimeter within which our in-group resides. I don't have any answers. As my dear husband always says, when I bring up the unhoused: “Well, as a Christian, shouldn't you invite them to live with us?But he's got a point he really does. Here's what I think is impossible to do without inviting the sacred into our lives. Not the spiritual exactly, but sacred love, the holy. I think it's impossible to do benevolence.Chances are the unhoused in my city would like a house not to live with me. And chances are certain people who are not in my in-group are perfectly happy being, not in my in-group. We don't all have to have a kumbaya moment together necessarily. What we need, I think goes beyond oxytocin, beyond science, beyond politics.What I need, what we need, I think is to inject an acceptance of sacred love into our daily lives. I think it's essential. This comes not only from my admittedly huge bias as a Christian, but also from my recent book. Books that I've read, not written obviously, but the master in his Emissary by Iain McGilchrist and the Dawn of Everything by the two Davids, I always forget both of their names Wengrew and Graeber.And I think we need possibly a little less spirituality. Bell Hooks said “I'm often struck by the dangerous narcissism fostered by spiritual rhetoric that pays so much attention to individual self-improvement. And so little to the practice of love within the context of community.”She was onto something there.I'm going to leave us here.I think all this needs to settle. I think I need a cup of tea, a long walk.And I welcome feedback about these oral essays as well as the conversations that I've had next week, as I mentioned is likely going to be a conversation that I've worked on for over a year. Now it needed time in contemplate. I am enjoying sprinkling these shorter essays in now. And again, so feedback's welcome.They aren't as amplified as the conversations, but I'm not sure yet if that's because they suck or because they just don't amplify them on social media in any case. Thank you. And please rate, review and subscribe on whatever platform you use to listen to podcasts. If you want to rate review. On a podcast platform, but you don't know how just ask and consider subscribing to the Monday morning newsletter too.You can find everything that I'm doing right now at underbelly, which is at U N D E R B E L dot L. I have a lovely week. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

It’s snowing lightly and the sun’s last glow is obscured by mist. My teenager is practicing cello in a small, quaint cabin nearby while I meander in the woods and along the lakefront, stopping briefly on the dock to see if I can see any stars emerging.I’m listening to a book by Iain McGilchrist called “The Master and His Emissary” and it’s in turns riveting and excruciatingly boring as he describes the dire straits we’re in.Pre cello lesson, I’ve been nursing one of Brene Brown’s “vulnerability hangovers” so bad that all I have wanted to do is dig a deep pit, crawl into it, and hide.Of course, my better senses prevailed and the ground is still frozen here, so here I am, strolling in these woods as I wait for my progeny to finish.As my neck hangs back, my eyes searching for that first star which I am determined should be visible through the light fog, my ears register this:“The philosopher Gabriel Montell speaks of the difficulty of maintaining one’s dignity as a unique individual subject in a world where a combination of the hubris of science and the drive of technology blots out the awe inspiring business of conscious human existence.”I briefly lose my balance.Ahhhh…Science and Technology. Or, Hubris and Drive.A few days prior, and I am bungling as I “help” with the tech in my ongoing Cultivating Humility class. The past couple years seem to have been spent being admonished to head into the woods, value my fellow humans more, and “be kind”. Here I am, taking a year-long course called “Cultivating Humility”. Being the consummate good citizen, I am ticking off all the boxes.I find myself wracked with guilt and angst — zoom meeting after zoom meeting, days isolated and alone in my home where I find myself talking to my cats a bit more often than is likely healthy. Although this last bit likely will keep me from undue Hubris anytime soon, it definitely reminds me of the lack of conscious human existence in my life.We are told to “be kind” and then given herculean constraints that make kindness nearly impossible. We are told to head into nature at the same time that mountaintops are “removed” and “placed” into formerly pristine valleys. We are told how crucial it is to have a supportive group of friends and family and then — well, you know.We need to make a decision to turn toward what is good and right and beautiful and honorable and just. And even when we want to turn away, just for a moment, we need to shore up all our inner strength and steadfastly remain facing that light.Now — what on earth is the word for that? Someone mentioned the Nguni word "ubuntu" this week. At first, I thought, am I bold enough to use a word from a culture I know little about, potentially out of context? And then I remembered the late Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and felt that if he shares the concept with the world, I can humbly offer it as well.Ubuntu, according to Desmond Tutu, means “My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in what is yours."What if we, all of us who dare to stay connected to each other even as those who admonish us to do so effectively try to rip us apart — what if we dared?What if we dared to remain truly kind to each other, the masses, the vast majority of humanity who is not a billionaire, who is not “in power”? What if we dared to stay connected to each other, to do unseen and unheralded selfless acts for each other? What if we danced daily, played music loudly, listened more? And listened to our odd coworker, not Fox or MSNBC or whichever corporate entity is on your screen? Listened to our ranting uncle? Our crazy neighbor? You get the idea? And not listen to get enough information in order to change their minds so that they also agree with whichever screen is favored on your device but listened just so that other is heard, feels heard and seen?Underbel.liMonday Morning Newsletter — 10 Wild + Precious ThingsYou Tube Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild + Precious conversations — This week, a replay of our November 12, 2020 conversation with Lisa Richardson.This week I had a chance to speak for the first time with Lisa Richardson, a writer based in Pemberton, British Columbia. Lisa’s writing moves me.It would be wonderful if there were so much strategic planning around this project that I could honestly say that is why I asked her to talk about movement.Alas, no. Movement was our loose theme but perhaps more correctly, we spoke of growth through the metaphor of gardening.And the movement of becoming unstuck, lifting each other up, turning toward light, dancing our messages — I encourage you to listen for the gems Lisa scatters throughout the entire conversation. I felt it was an honour to converse with her and I am excited to share our conversation with you.One simple takeaway: Gardening is a terrible metaphor for parenting.Notes:Wellness Almanac — A community almanac from Pemberton, Lil'wat, Area C and N'Quatqua.Lisa Richardson, Bylines — Lisa’s writing portfolio - “Mountain Culture from Everywhere but the Sidelines”Onward. In the next few weeks, we introduce the first in a series of what I am calling “shadow” conversations with Deirdre McClaughlin. In this series, we tackle themes that no one wants to hear about in a way that you will want to listen to... This series was put on hold for over a year because the topic needed that much time to simmer. In fact, I reached out to a few people in order to more fully discuss the topic and no one would engage with me. Stay tuned.Wild + Precious Conversations is the podcast in Underbelly — a project that just keeps growing in often unexpected ways :) And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Wendy here: This is kind of scary to be honest. Welcome. To another episode of wild and precious conversations. An edited, abridged version of the podcast/video cast :) Yes, if you would like to actually look at someone very, very real, I uploaded this to YouTube. But let’s start with that quote, that's often miss attributed to Voltaire. “I disagree wholeheartedly with what you say, but I will defend to my death, your right to say it.” And I realized that there's a lot in that quote. First of all, let me defend to my death. My God.But also just that holding tight to yeah. Let's Lean in. That turn of phrase has gotten so. Co-opted and misused, but let's literally lean in to our friends and our enemies and our acquaintances. And when they say something that really tweaks or shows up as irritation or whatever.I would put forward that an appropriate human response.Is to listen.And learn. As we sit in this really warm, nurturing compost, and yes, that's a euphemism. For the. S H I T that life sometimes hands us. When we're sitting in that. Nurturing pile of s**t. With another human. You know, Think about the growth.Are you with me?So I was contemplating that a lot.And I woke up.to a lovely quote By Martin Luther king Jr. In the Riverside Church Speech he said something that hit me. "I am convinced that if we are to get on the right side of the world revolution, we as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin the shift from a "thing-oriented" society to a "person-oriented" society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered."I honestly, when I woke up to that,I just thought, well, there you go. I do believe though that what is happening is that we're just simply out of practice. Out of practice with simply being human. ****But if our thoughts and prayers, don't also include going into the trenches with our friends and enemies, sitting quietly with them.Listening to them learning what they need and what is not being heard. Then we are failing. The secular humanists among us I imagine, know this well. ***I'd like to now ask it here to consider your day.And consider.What percentage of your day is spent doing things that humans do?Comforting each other and yourself encouraging. Wandering in nature, caring for each other. Mending creating, growing. What percentage of your day is spent outdoors or natural light? What percentage of your day spent calmly, quietly listening to another human. Not trying to convince another human of something.Not trying to coerce or persuade.Not talking about superficial stuff only.How much of your day is spent in natural surroundings.What time, what percentage of your day is spent playing music?I could go on.***I don't really care. How your life. Appears to be.I really do care.How real it is.One of my very favorite books of all time is the Velveteen rabbit. The subtitle for that book is how toys become real. It's a book that honestly brings me to tears.I'm going to paraphrase the book and it may have gotten a little wrong. This is my memory. It's the story of a young boy. You ended up with Scarlet fever and who loved his stuffed rabbit fairy. Very much. He loved it so much. They didn't ended up with a little missing fur, and I believe its button eye was loosened, maybe missing.It's exactly. I think really, you know, kind of what we mean when we say something's well loved.In the end when the boy’s belongings needed to be burned because this book was written quite a long time ago. To make sure that the Scarlet fever was completely gone. His dear stuffed rabbit ended up coming to life and joining the other rabbits in the garden.You really should read the book.I realized though. I think that that's what I'm doing is trying to move awkwardly, moving toward a life that is becoming real.And that, you know, I'm just going to say it here now, sometimes that can be a little lonely.But I find that I'm naturally gravitating toward people. Who are also wanting to become real.And I'm noticing a joy. In the mutual recognition.When we both kind of go, oh, “You too? Come on, let's go”.When I began this project. A little over two years ago.I only knew that I wanted to begin to use my writing, my passion for mental health and my hobby for programming.To a purpose driven end. It's all I knew.And. Completely organic heart - driven way. Until two and a couple months in. Here I am.And I'm noticing that as my life awkwardly and sometimes painfully blossoms. I understand. This project is about becoming real.It's about making peace with myself and asking others to make peace with themselves. It's about training. To become freer, less obedient to the world, too. Less obedient to a “thing oriented society.” More joyful.I'm at a point where I'd really like to invite you in.I feel ready. My weekly newsletters sets you up for a week of inquiry and practice and no. You won't become more productive. You won't become richer.You won't gain any fashion sense.You might though become real.Notes:Velveteen RabbitRiverside Church Speech TranscriptUnderbel.liIf you listen to other podcasts, you can find Wild and Precious Conversations wherever you listen — Apple, Spotify, iHeart, Google, etc. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Invited to have a conversation about the book “The Dawn of Everything”, Jean Russell did her level best to stay on topic. :) I did not help, mostly because her life’s work on Thrivability is so compelling. A brief introduction of Jean: She has been passionate about co-creating a more thrivable world since 2007.

Welcome to a world of collaboration, consent, intimacy and deep rich relationships based on trust!Erica Scott is a consent educator working hard to make consent culture a reality. I feel honored to share our converstaion with you. The book launch begins January 21, 2022, so I am going to make our show notes short this week, in order to get this episode out in time.We discuss the collaboration in consent, the reason a “gatekeeper” relationship limits us, the possibilities that unfold when relationships are interwoven with collaboration and consent.At the 42:00 mark, Erica gives a gorgeous explanation of the freeze response — there’s a hint of a trigger warning here, but the gist is a wonderfully positive description of what the freeze response looks and feels like — a rare gift.Thanks, and take care of yourself and at least one other person this week!

Welcome! Wow — 2022. This week I am sharing a short 20 minute episode riffing on what I have learned about effortlessness over the past few days. Specifically, incorporating Julia Gillmor’s Facebook Livestream on Resistance and Russell Brand’s YouTube video on Laziness.Here is the script I read from for the podcast:Hi - Wendy here - welcome to another episode of wild and precious conversations.This week, a short interlude.I have lined up a pretty cool list of conversations for the coming year, and I thought it might be a good idea to pause and give a little context to what on earth we are doing here.I am also dipping my toe into the idea of uploading video content as well, for a few reasons. So, for this week, a short discussion about the idea of effortless and how to incorporate that into your life.Which, let’s be honest, feels pretty impossible sometimes.Last week, Marla Estes used the metaphor of compost to describe that place of uncomfortableness we need to stay in sometimes. As she described it, it’s a place where growth can happen.True enough — and jumping off of that, my friend Julia Gillmor did a Facebook Live (I will link in the show notes) about resistance and how to move through it. Important. Finally, I was influenced by a 2 or 3 year old video I noticed by Russel Brand on the idea of laziness.So, dear listener, as we move into 2022, I can say that I am definitely mired in - or nestled in? Compost. I can almost feel the growth happening and I can say that I can feel the roots growing down, digging down through the rich soil for nutrients. I can also, maybe? Feel the growth beginning upwards, searching for the sun.Having said that, Staying with the metaphor of a young plant growing in compost…having watched Julia and Russel and having been taken by their thoughts which converge with the idea that yes, it is important to take daily action to do those things you don’t want to do. And yes, rest is important, but no, (and this is riffing on what Russel Brand said) passing out on your couch in your week-old jammies with an empty bag of potato chips balancing on your belly is maybe not the best way to “do self care”? And, I will add - maybe it is, for you, in that moment - that one is hard to say. Suffice it to say, though, that for each of us, there comes a point where we know…we just know…it’s time to get off the couch, dip ourselves in some freezing water, sit quietly in contemplation, take a walk in the woods, or otherwise more forward moving stuff.As Russell Brand says, though, so eloquently, “we’re always applying moral attributes to our actions and objects — as my counselor would say, “evaluative judgement” — that food is “good” or “bad”, lying on the couch is “bad”, sleeping in “bad”, etc…Here are a few thoughts. Russell Brand talks about laziness as being a “sort of personal nihlisim a sort of well, what’s the point of doing anything?”And that is I believe, what Julia is thinking about when she talks about resistance - that moment when you being to try to convince yourself that there is no point, “Why you?” As Julia says, “What is your thing? When you look in the mirror, and you say, “I’m not ___________ enough”” What is your thing? What is your resistance? As she says, this force is universal - everyone has their own, personal resistance, gravity maybe, :) trying to gently coerce, pull them down into the much of the compost they find themselves in…I think this metaphor works really well, actually..Russell talks about his daily habits that he now does no matter what - run with his dog, jui jitsu, meditation, cold plunges.What Julia calls resistance, and Russel doesn’t name exactly, I call “our inner critic” I actually made a course in 2017, when I first started playing around with making content around my passion for mental health, called “making friends with your inner critic” or embracing your inner critic - because in my world view, it’s a good idea, similar to the way Aikido works, to use the power of our adversity to help propel us forward. When we acknowledge our inner critic, listen to it, actually, listen to it, acknowledge that it is doing its best to help, and then gently but firmly let it know that you are taking its voice under advisement but that you are in control now, not the inner critic :) You then have a wiling partner who knows its place…and the voice gets quieter and also more respectful.As Russel says, “I think it’s okay to relax, I think it’s okay to rest” Damn straight it is. It’s essential.Sometimes our inner critic might say something like, ‘What do you think you are doing? You’re not nearly prepared for this…” or similar… and, in my world view - sometimes there’s a grain of truth to that…The inner critic is noticing something and doing its best to alert you. Maybe you need a nap. Maybe you need a snack. You definitely need to help your inner critic learn how to say these things in a more encouraging way :) but maybe you do need to pause for a bit, take notice of your surroundings and move forward better prepared, rested, rejuvenated.Is any of this “effortless”? Here’s the thing. I can tell you, it becomes more effortless the more you practice. You likely know this yourself. I do believe I am in the fortunate group of people, similar in some ways to Russell Brand, who did not have a choice. I am trying to be more open about this part of my life as I move through the shame of it. Hell, it’s been decades! But for me, the best I could do as a young person to try to cope with some pretty heinous that happened to me was to develop some severely disordered eating. Severely disordered for about 12 years.I had to stop and I knew I had to stop. That “stopping” took a long time and resulting in huge growth for me…that never stopped. Once you recover from something that huge, I can say definitively, you kind of become hooked on healthy living. So — while “recovery” didn’t make me rich, or beautiful, or hip, or fashionable, or whatever…it made me real - yes, as in Velveteen Rabbit real. And it is continuing to make me real. And yes, it is getting more and more effortless as the years go by. Life is still exhausting at times. The things that happened leading up to me beginning this project in December 2019 felt more exhausting and difficult than I thought I was capable of working through. Fast forward through the last two years and I can tell you — there were moments I was prostrate on the ground, crying my eyes out, not thinking I could continue. I can also tell you, that by following the very basic things I have been practicing over the past decades, I was able to not only continue, but I would say thrive through what life handed to our family - and continues to seems to hand to our family. I notice that we are all in this compost together. Some of us are trying to escape it because it feels yucky…for them, things aren’t going to feel effortless any time soon.Others are digging their roots in a bit, facing their resistance, taking action, and daily committing to loving this life we’re in. I’m committed to daily, incremental improvement, to honing my voice, my offering, making sure that I am at least a small drop of positive in this vast sea. Thank you! Next week we have a conversation with Jean Russell - an amazing woman with a long pedigree of accomplishments who will be discussing the book The Dawn of Everything with me. Let’s do this! Thank you for listening - and as usual, I love feedback, love reviews, and please consider subscribing. Actually, yeah, please subscribe. Take care of yourself and at least one other person this week!Notes:Video of the podcast — Let’s see where this goes, shall we?Julia Gillmor’s Facebook Livestream on Restistance — You may need to join the group to see the video - it’s worth it.Russell Brand’s YouTube Video on LazinessThank you. Let’s see where 2022 takes us. Feedback welcome, always (be kind) and yes - please go to your favorite palce where you listen to podcasts and rate, review and subscribe. If you’re not sure what I mean by this, send me a message and I will explain further - and THANK YOU! Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Cultivating Humility. Huge growth potential if you can get comfortable being uncomfortable. (And I would add, let’s make the uncomfortable place as welcoming and inviting as possible.)Joe Burgo’s website announced this course at the bottom of a blog post (as I recall). Marla Estes’ site was a humble outreach; I joined the class and am now an advocate for cultivating humility.In fact, I chose to open 2022 with Cultivating Humility — it is what I want to see more of in my life, in my family, in my community.{My introduction and “outro” are both as short as possible because I needed to find a quiet corner of my home rather than recording from my podcast fort and the sound quality is not great - be forewarned. The quality of the actual conversation is good enough :) }We dive in at 2:09 with Joe Burgo’s story of humility — and we’re off from there. At 6:14, Craig Markin’s book on rethinking narcissism is mentioned and the idea of passing shame from one person to another like a hot potato.At 7:52 Marla introduces the idea of being ashamed of being ashamed and that flows into the idea of levels of shame:embarrassmenthumiliationshameand how to normalize it…Marla shares a great story at 9:03 that helps with how to process shame and has been core for me at times over this fall where I do need to process shame.at 11:19, Joe introduces the idea that sometimes there is a good reason why you might feel ashamed and that it’s an opportunity to grow.At 13:20, Joe processes shame in the moment — what a lovely offering that is. I remember while recording really feeling more deeply connected to both of them and realizing how important this stuff really is.What else is there in this life if there isn’t relationship — and can you have relationship if you’re not willing to get a little uncomfortable once in awhile?At 18:36, Joe introduces Marla’s concept of having a working hypothesis and the difference between not having an opinion and being dissociative.At 23:13 … what about when you honestly just don’t know enough to have an opinion, a seat at the table?At 26:53, Marla gives us three ways to building a bridge to change. To move from that paralyzing place of shame to a place where you take your seat at the table.At 30:56 we open up the conversation about how humility is a weird word sometimes in our culture…uncomfortable, with connotations that aren’t super positive.34:07 — the difference between healthy pride, arrogance and narcissism is introduced. And so, at 36:52, Joe aptly introduces the idea of confidence into this mix. And we flow into the idea of confident humility Confident humility is my personal goal for 2022. Expect lots of stumpling around toward this goal :) Join me?At 39:05, Marla introduces the acronym we use in class “WAIT” Why Am I Talking?At 41:35 Joe asks about our shame, “What is it telling you?”

Well, good morning! I recorded a new introduction to this, my second ever episode of this podcast. This morning as I was getting my coffee, I was overcome by a wave of hopelessness — things looked bleak. The hopelessness rises when things seem certain — and that’s when I remembered that the one thing we can count on is change and uncertainty. And that gave rise to a bit of hope.A few notes: I listented to a wonderful podcast episode this morning with Steven Leavitt of Freakonomics fame. His podcast, People I Mostly Admire, is lovely. This episode is a hope-filled beauty with B.J. Miller, a doctor who focuses on end of life care.Of the people I am closest to who have died, I am very blessed that all of them died peacefully at home, surrounded by those they loved. This is weirdly rare, and B.J. Miller is working to change that.His life story that centers on uncertainty, though, is also important: When he was a sophomore at Princeton studying Chinese, he and some friends were out walking late at night to get a sandwich when they stopped to climb around on a trolley car. B.J.’s metal watch arced to the tram’s electric cable and he nearly died. Listen to his story on the podcast - well worth the time. He lost limbs and his story of re-emerging into life is an important story about uncertainty and how to approach this one wild and precious life we are given. I encourage you to listen.The theme this week was Uncertainty and man alive was that easier to do in a highly controlled written format.This week, after many, many, many iterations, I just hit record, entered the arena and started talking. See what you think: I start with a small 2-minute rant, then move into a lovely way to frame both unhelpful and helpful responses to uncertainty and finish with a story shared this week by a friend. Yes, she shows up with a healthy dose of courage and vulnerability in the face of uncertainty and slays.LinksPeople I Mostly Admire — Interview with B.J. Miller Medium — Facing the Scary Boundary Between Competence and IncompetenceLife On the Lake — All About Growing Up and What Defines Our Very SelvesYou can find Wild + Precious Conversations everywhere you listen to podcasts as well as here in the newsletter. Please rate, review, subscribe and share with anyone you think might enjoy this.Thank you. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Recovery — Stephanie Bonastia is an intuitive eating coach who thought she could never feel sane around food — that she was “broken” and unfixable…what she discovered and what she shares in our conversation and in her practice is life changing and hope full. From her website:Life opens up to you. Creativity, passion, and purpose is a part of healing. Find what lights you up.Our conversation covered classism, racism, shame — and processing our shame, mindfulness and integrating our dark and light sides.About mindfulness, we talk about how “mindfulness” has kinda been co-opted by the diet and wellness industry and Stephanie takes down that way of “rule based” mindfulness and describes the practice of true mindfulness around food and approaching eating. If you have ever struggled with binge eating and that feeling that you might never be able to just feel comfortable around food again, give this conversation a listen…you might just enjoy your holiday dinners.Notes:Fearing The Black Body — Book mentioned in the conversation around the historic origins of “thinness as a goal”I Am Stephanie Michelle — Binge recovery and body image coachingWild and Precious Patreon — Contribute if you feel like it. Or don’t - that is more than okay!Wild and Precious NewsletterWild and Precious BlogOnward. As we heal the otherness in us, in our communities, in our world.The Underbelly Project: Visit us at underbel.liIf you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Good Enough — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation replay where I tell a story about a “Good Enough” life and give some ideas for how you can get one of your own. I forgot about using this photo. I needed one of me and took this with my phone as I was working. Why I look so surprised (and a little bemused, maybe?)For this week — as my young adults return from school, my youngest is busy running from work to school to cello to — whatever — and I feel like a full time listener to a litany of “good enough” angsts, I actually decided I would replay my most popular episode.And…I was a little surprised that is this one. In a lot of ways, understanding “good enough” or “perfectly imperfect” is core to this project, and what I hope for all of us. In any case, enjoy! I began by diving into Winnicott and his ideas about the “good enough” care giver. What that means, why we mostly unfortunately didn’t have “good enough” parents and probably weren’t good enough parents ourselves. Also 1000% no shade to parents — first, we’re all in the same boat, trying to follow the latest expert advice rather than our “good enough” inner voice. And second, we know about this thing called resilience. We can learn to be “good enough” at any age.What I talked about:First, Who was Winnicott and what was his message — and why was it so counter culture? What was the prevailing message for how to parent?Second, What happens when we don’t have “good enough” parents?Third, Okay — Great. What can we do to become “good enough”?Fourth, I tell a really inspiring story about a “good enough” person. I really hope that when you hear this story you will be inspired to do the work to become “good enough”.Notes:Winnicott — Really good article about him, his radio broadcasts and the time that he lived in.Caroline McHugh — The Art of Being YourselfChiune Sugihara — A good enough person.Onward! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday. I would love to hear from you! I’m really passionate about all of us living “good enough” lives. What do you do in your life to stay true to yourself? What do you need more of? What, if anything, can I do to help? Honestly, if you let me know and I know of a resource, I’ll send it your way. Thank you!The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Subscribe/rate/review at Apple podcasts — or Spotify, or Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Response — Rebecca Hunter went to Fairy Creek to help in the kitchen. While there, she saw sadistic, cruel and unnecessary violence on the part of people whose sole job is to protect and serve.She saw this. Now what?That’s what we’re talking about in this two-part episode of Wild and Precious Conversations.This week we continue but focus on what we can do.I’ve been noticing a lot of writing on staying numb. It’s nuanced. We don’t have to jump in on every situation that is unbalanced in the world. To have strong boundaries and know when something “is not yours” is super important.But there are times in our lives when something is handed to us — and we can no longer look away.Staying numb, I think, is when something has been gifted to you and you still choose to try to look away. Go shopping. Drink. Gamble. And — Even here — I think it’s an absolutely reasonable response much of the time. There is a need for rest. And sometimes, our bodies force us into “rest” by offering us maladaptive ways of resting. And for a time, these are vital. It’s the basis for the harm reduction strategy.But — there are times when we feel we need to take action. And for those times, what can we do?This conversation offers a few ideas — and they can be boiled down to two main things:Maintain a curious stance and start conversations

Action — Rebecca Hunter went to Fairy Creek to help in the kitchen. The first morning there, RCMP raided the camp, arrested first only people of color (skipping over the young white women in the peaceful protest line) and wrecked havoc at the camp, taking pictures of their post-wrecking and lying to the public saying that the disarray was caused by the land defenders themselves, being the reason they needed to arrest them.She saw all of this. Now what?That’s what we’re talking about in this two-part episode of Wild and Precious Conversations.It’s Becca’s story and I stand with her - it takes great courage to tell such a personal story and to do so without prejudice. Both of us have witnessed extraordinary cruelty and immature behaviour by people in authoritative leadership positions this year and we are both trying to make sense of it.Neither of us is super mainstream :) We homeschooled our kids together in this lovely mountain town we live in, known for its progressive politics.At the same time, we’re both basically tea drinking, slightly salty, middle aged women who care deeply about the planet we’re leaving to our children and also would rather just get on with our lives — preferably, I think, with more adults in the room (I guess that is my interpretation. Not 100% sure if Becca agrees.)This conversation is her sharing, in full, what she saw at Fairy Creek this summer. It’s violent, with blatant racism and compromised behaviour on the part of the RCMP working there.Because British Colombians have paid $20 million so far to help Teal Jones, the logging company trying to extract old growth logs from Fairy Creek and Coastal GasLink, because over $1 million of the RCMPs pension is tied up in Teal Jones, and because 92% of British Colombians are apparently against this form of logging, we are confused by both the behaviour of the RCMP officers she saw at Fairy Creek (unfortunately, they don’t all wear their badges when they are doing this sort of thing, so we have to call out the entire profession instead of the officers who did these things.)Have a listen and do let us know your thoughts. Notes:Story in The National Observer Video of teen in tripod — Video mentioned in podcast of the teen tumbling 15 feet to the earth in a sleeping bag and then roughly arrested with no check that he’s in good health.Poll showing 90% of British Columbias support protecting old growthWild and Precious Patreon — Contribute if you feel like it. Or don’t - that is more than okay!Wild and Precious NewsletterWild and Precious BlogOnward. As we heal the otherness in us, in our communities, in our world.The Underbelly Project: Visit us at underbel.li If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Otherness: What happens when we are bullied, isolated, left out and “othered” — let’s learn how to heal that part of us so we can move into “Togetherness”I am so happy to have had a chance to talk with Dr. Stacee about her new book: The Healing Otherness Handbook.Our conversation goes from speaking about how to muck around in the compost of our lives and do our small things to create more beauty — to how to free ourselves when we are in isolation — to Jewish faith and the idea of Tikkun — to transgender ideas and how we can adapt to more pronouns :) and just what a lovely, fluid moment we are in right now.Notes:Dr. Stacee Reicherzer — Her website is full of resources and other good stuff.Dr. Stacee at TEDx — Taking Power Back from the COVID-19 BullyWild and Precious Patreon — Contribute if you feel like it. Or don’t - that is more than okay!Wild and Precious NewsletterWild and Precious BlogOnward. As we heal the otherness in us, in our communities, in our world.The Underbelly Project: Visit us at underbel.li If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Sustainability: Andrea and I know each other from homeschool days — we’ve seen each other at our most unsustainable and we’re still friends. Andrea runs a {gorgeous} sustainable lifestyle magazine called Trend Privé, so that is how this conversation started…“The part that I think needs to be addressed is that it's totally okay to be overwhelmed and feel frustrated and really angry and hurt and sad that the powers that be have let us down or that we didn't realize earlier, or however it is that that's showing up for people, it's important to say:Okay. That's okay.” — Andrea at the 46:00 mark We're talking sustainability today. Do you feel like you have a sustainable life? Do you work for a sustainable company? Do you have a sustainable family? Do you feel like this earth is sustainable?We start off talking about the magazine. And then into that idea of the fashion, beauty, wellness industries. They're not highly regulated industries. And so of all the places to start with sustainability. That's an interesting, challenging choice. We discussed coveting money, whether or not that's a good idea. The TV show Maid — I added in a break so you can skip in case you haven’t seen it. There’s a mild spoiler — We talk about activism. We talk about my need for a punching bag. We talk about grandmothers chained to old growth forest trees 20 years ago. And what came of that? And we end with the idea that the house is on fire. A little bit of it as a dramatic ending. Enjoy. See what you think as usual. Love to hear from you. So please stay in touch. Give me feedback. I do plan on dropping these once a week. Again, we took a little hiatus while I was. Supporting a family member. And necessary hiatus, but I feel like we're back and ready to do the weekly drops. Notes:Trend Privé Magazine— Sustainable Lifestyle Magazine.Wild and Precious Patreon — Contribute if you feel like it. Wild and Precious Newsletter — on Revue Wild and Precious Blog — at underbel.li Onward. Toward a sustainable future.The Underbelly Project: Visit us at underbel.liIf you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Subscribe at underbelly.substack.com

Organizing: We take on harm reduction, labour organizing, what happens if we succeed in dismantling capitalism, and why we need access to nature — Can we actually find labour that is not extractive but meaningful and fulfilling, and so. much. more!So…next time you’re at Thanksgiving Dinner, why don’t you ask around and find out a little more about your cousins? Maybe you might have an activist sitting next to you?My northern California cousin is in the Wild and Precious House this week — I feel really blessed / lucky to be able to talk with James Tracy, long-time social justice organizer in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is the founder of the San Francisco Community Land Trust and has been active in the Eviction Defense Network and the Coalition On Homelessness, SF. He has edited two activist handbooks for Manic D Press: The Civil Disobedience Handbook and The Military Draft Handbook. His articles have appeared in Left Turn, Race Poverty and the Environment, and Contemporary Justice Review.He’s also in conversation at an event tomorrow night 7:00 PST through San Francisco State University called Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz, Amy Sonnie and James Tracy, reading and in conversation.This is the first part of what likely will be 3 part conversation on topics ranging from labour, organizing, working toward a just society and onward from there.This stuff is important — wouldn’t it be lovely to start with ourselves, create functional families, and then…one day, live in functional communities? I think it’s possible. It all starts with us doing the necessary work to learn to love ourselves (even the mucky unlovable bits)Notes:James Tracy Author — This is where it all starts. Linton Kwesi Johnson— Wow - singer mentioned in the podcastAnd Beauty for AllJeannie LittleSarah L. JaffeNancy FraserWild and Precious Patreon — Contribute if you feel like it. Or don’t - that is more than okay!Wild and Precious NewsletterWild and Precious BlogOnward. As we heal the otherness in us, in our communities, in our world.The Underbelly Project: Visit us at underbel.liIf you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Otherness: What happens when we are bullied, isolated, left out and “othered” — let’s learn how to heal that part of us so we can move into “Togetherness”New month, new podcast episode! I am so happy to have had a chance to talk with Dr. Stacee about her new book: The Healing Otherness Handbook.Our conversation goes from speaking about how to muck around in the compost of our lives and do our small things to create more beauty — to how to free ourselves when we are in isolation — to Jewish faith and the idea of Tikkun — to transgender ideas and how we can adapt to more pronouns :) and just what a lovely, fluid moment we are in right now.Notes:Dr. Stacee Reicherzer — Her website is full of resources and other good stuff.Dr. Stacee at TEDx — Taking Power Back from the COVID-19 BullyWild and Precious Patreon — Contribute if you feel like it. Or don’t - that is more than okay!Wild and Precious NewsletterWild and Precious BlogOnward. As we heal the otherness in us, in our communities, in our world.The Underbelly Project: Visit us at underbel.li If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Flourish: To get to flourish, you start with learning how to care — for yourself, your work colleagues, your neighbour.This episode marks our return to podcasting. Season 2 let’s call it. Beginning in February, I needed to take a break due to a family situation. If you want to learn more, I have written about it here.Wild and Precious Conversations returns today, however, with a conversation that will fill you with tools, enthusiasm, and motivation to create a more caring world where we can all flourish.We talk about how hard it is to talk about, the grief that happens with diagnosis and how hard that is to process while holding down a job. We talk about how everyone benefits when we make work places more human.We talk about suicide prevention and how important it is to know how to QPR. We talk about how important it is to have agency in your recovery and diagnosis managment. In other words, there are lots of ways to manage your illness/disorder. You need to work with your psychiatrist to find what works best for you. We talk. This conversation is close to my heart and I am in deep deep appreciation. Notes:Emily Morrison on Instagram @iloveyouspoonEmily Morrison on Twitter @iloveyouspoonBasic Information on Bipolar — from NIHKnox County Suicide Prevention CoalitionQPR — Suicide PreventionMental Health First AidEarly Assessment and Support AllianceROSC oriented system of care — This is specifically geared toward substance use but I felt like it was well laid out and easy to understand.Wild and Precious Patreon — Yup - always a joy to make Wild + Precious Conversations happen and support is welcome. Support feels a bit like a hug sometimes, a high-five, a bit of confetti.Wild and Precious NewsletterWild and Precious BlogOnward. As we flourish.The Underbelly Project: Visit us at underbel.li If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Refresh: I know I needed a refresh this week and so I am delighted to share this conversation with Reena Friedman Watts: Entrepreneur, podcaster, mom of four kids, wife, coach, community grower, storytelling junkie.You’ll want to listen for the recurring chorus of fail better, keep doing your best, tell your story, your voice matters, shine on.Reena’s podcast is called Better Call Daddy, and, yes, it turns out that her daddy is her talisman, her go-to in the times she needs a boost, and her champion. It was so heartwarming and a huge boost to hear about her relationship with her daddy.We also connected over our knowledge of Los Angeles culture — which anyone from Los Angeles will agree is a bit different. I have lived in so many different places, none compares to Los Angeles.(Sidenote: Go LA - doing a great job getting the population vaccinated. Amazing roll out!)Near the end of our conversation Reena shared a great vignette about acceptance and the need to know when to keep going. The recording cut out the first bit, so that’s a bit awkward. I introduce it at around the 25 minute mark, so listen for that.Notes:Reena on LinkedIn Better Call Daddy Reena on InstagramOnward. Refreshed:The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe laugh a bit together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong. If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Renwal: Our theme for the week led me to a new podcast series: “Loving the Unlovable” First up, a conversation with my sister, Tamara Brown. Her MA in Human Development is what got me to call her but it was our relationship as sisters that helped us talk about the unlovable.Literally, my sister didn’t have a photo of herself so I went to unsplash and typed in “unlovable” This is what I got!What makes us lovable? Why is that such a cringey question? My sister and I dive in, staying on the edges of her professional background as a child development expert but really talking a lot about where we are as far as our lovability.The idea for this series came from fellow podcaster, Leah Carey, whose podcast, Good Girls Talk About Sex is, IMHO, a must listen. Learning to love the unlovable bits about us — including the unlovable bits in our friends and neighbours suffering from narcissistic personality disorder or similarly challenging mental illnesses — is really in large part what being human is all about.If you come from a Christian perspective (as I do) your one job is to love your neighbour as you love yourself. Our first step, then, is to learn to love our unlovable bits to pieces so that we can go out into the world and love each other to the same degree.Tammy and I talk about weight, sexual orientation, disordered eating, sexual abuse, racism (though we just touch on this as neither of us is a POC), and more. We learn that one of us feels that she loves herself while the other isn’t quite there yet.Notes:James Fallon — Neuroscientist who discovered that he suffers from psycopathy and has since become an advocate for the disorder; challenging people to train themselves to be pro-social (my cliff notes)Onward. With deeper love:The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe laugh a bit together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong. If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Perception: It’s all in how you see — the angle, the lens, the depth. This week, we continue our conversation on family, immigration, vulnerability and beauty with Stan Smith, adjunct professor of social work at USC.You have to wait until the 37 minute mark to get there, but this is where we end up:“I think it's true. Family is beautiful. Not Just the family that I think I deserve to have, or my kid deserves to have, or the family you deserve to have, or the one sitting across the pew from me at St.Charles or whatever church body that I claim affiliation with, not just the ones that are part of the same school or part of the same culture. Family is beautiful simply because of what family is. Period. Family is beautiful across our. Institutional lines and across our affiliations of culture to a central more deeper place that I think that has meaning with our species.”It’s worth it, though. I have been learning all along, but recently set aside still more time to learn sound editing — I think you will agree that it paid off. We speak about keeping families together, the work many people are doing to keep kids safe, the reason that our own vulnerability or lack of vulnerability keeps us from making positive changes, and so much more.It’s all in our perception.Notes:Stan Smith — Contact email for Stan.Hull House — Jane Addams, the “patron saint” of social work.Onward. With deeper perception:The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe laugh a bit together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong. If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Persist! It’s those little efforts we make that, over time, move mountains. Today I get to share the first part of a two part conversation with Stan Smith, social worker and adjunct professor of social work at USC (University of Southern California).So, awhile back, I asked Stan about children as possibly the most vulnerable members of our society.He responded with: “We are the vulnerable ones who are afraid of that vulnerability.” I start this episode off with that exchange, and we go from there. It’s obvious that Stan has taught for a decade because it didn’t seem to matter what question I threw at him, he answered with a depth and grace that I am really honoured to share.This episode is divided into two parts. Today, we mainly tackle what we as a society should provide families and children so that they can thrive. What should that framework look like?At around the three minute mark, Stan notes that what we might value is not necessarily what we make rules and regulations around because the stuff we value isn’t necessarily stuff that can be commodified. Unlikely adoptions are shared, where families end up with more children than were planned for, and what a positive outcome that can be.How having enough abundance, enough affluence, makes it sometimes more difficult to see the cracks in society.At around the 19 minute mark: “Think about it, right? Because that is in essence what a civil society is trying to do, right. Is create a commons for which children have certain basic needs met.”At around 28 minutes, I ask, “what if we just flip that script and when we see somebody suffering and it could be a welfare region suffering — instead of wanting to punish them, we ask them what they need and we give it to them.”We end with: “If somebody points a finger and says, this woman went into a job interview and she committed abuse while doing it, that's one perspective. Another perspective was she didn't have enough resources.”Another perspective…Next week, we continue this wild and precious conversation. Thanks for listening!Notes:Dare mo Shira Nai — Nobody Knows — I mention this movie in the introduction to this episode. It’s a 2004 movie set in Tokyo. Four kids are living alone in an apartment as they try to figure out how to survive.Onward. We persist.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe laugh a bit together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong. If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Joy! This week, Anna Katarina and I speak about Rumour Mill, the band she created with Aline Daigle — and why you (we) should all sing, support live music, and music, music, music.Sing! Singing helps us move from our reactive (fight, flight, freeze or fawn) “lizard-brains” and into our grounded, responsive, fully-alive, fully-human selves.Singing makes it possible to access a full range of emotions. We *know* this, but sometimes we need a reminder.Anna Katarina (with lifelong friend Aline Daigle) created Rumour Mill, a West Coast Canadian indie band that has brought be to tears more than once.I feel so honoured to have had a chance to have a conversation with Anna recently. We speak about shame - and how it seems to stop us from singing, when really, singing should be part of our daily experience.We talk about harmony, and the lovely tension of harmony, where we all follow our own path, coming together on the same note, moving away again, then coming together. And - Rumour Mill will be performing live(stream) at the Capitol Theatre in Nelson, BC, on Friday, December 18, at 7:00. Link below. For a taste of their music, I included Song for a Winter Night and Only Love at the end of this episode. Enjoy!Notes:Rumour Mill — Aline Daigle (violin and vocals) and Anna Katarina (piano and vocals)Capitol Theatre Instagram post about Rumour Mill Livestream — Friday, December 18Rumour Mill Livestream at the Capitol Theatre — December 18, at 7:00 pm (PST)Onward. Toward a more joyful way of living together.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe laugh a bit together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, a conversation with Dr. Jennie Barron, executive director of the Mir Center for Peace.Jennie spoke with me about her dissertation which is her research into urban orchards.Urban orchards is code, I found, for some awfully subversive ideas.Jennie unpacked these for me as one might a series of very cherished gifts — first, by challenging my understanding of ownership. Imbuing it with the sense that it’s something we’re responsible to. (@10:55)There’s a decoupling of inputs and outputs…”they thought not what they were getting from the community orchard, but really what they were giving”We talk about the “Why” of the community orchard, and one response given is “It makes us whole”We are ostensibly talking about orchards but what happens when we use an orchard — a friendly, nonthreatening concept like a bunch of fruit trees — to talk about concepts like giving and gifts and sharing and community is that we are able to talk about our responsibility to one another and how we can live together in harmony, in peace, without touching a nerve.Have a listen. This conversation goes very well with last week’s conversation with Cam Brewer, also about the Commons.Notes:Community Orchards and Hyde’s Theory of the Gift — by Jennie BarronMir Centre for PeaceOnward. Toward a more peaceful way of living together.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe laugh a bit together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, a conversation with Cam Brewer, lawyer, activist, author.I told Cam that we would be speaking about the commons.Ha.I planned to have this conversation and then put it out as a helpful adjunct to another couple conversations I am waiting to share with you about both our collective responsibility as a society and our how we can use that collective responsibility as an empowering force for good in the world.Well, as we conversed, I realized wholeheartedly that this conversation was filling me with hope.Hope for us as humans. Hope for us — that we really can wrap our brains around the idea that we are enough, we have enough, and we can share. As much as we had to learn that as little children, as much as we teach our own children.We can step into our responsibility and make really mature, good, healthy choices about how to use our natural commons, our economic commons, our digital commons and our communities. Have a listen!Notes:Cam Brewer — Bio in the TyeeGrameen BankFounders of BioNTechOnward. Excited to begin more conversations again. I have HOPES and plans for the next few weeks. Stay tuned :)The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, I speak with David Hall, soon-to-be Registered Nurse specializing in Geriatrics.This week I had a chance to speak with my cousin, David Hall. Deciding to make a career chaing in midlife is one thing, becoming a registered nurse specializing in geriatrics is another.First, fingers crossed as I upped my sound editing game this week. Feedback welcome.I start the conversation (I feel) rather abruptly, throwing us into a contemplation of the commodification of self care.As a future nurse, David introduces us to really what nursing is in this modern era and we move quickly into talking about nursing ethics…Which leads us to thinking about what happes when you don’t have a code of ethics…which leads us to…what if you do have a code of ethics but you are a serial killer?

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, I am introducing the idea of integrity. Due to a series of unfortunate events, which honestly included a trasnformer blowing up or catching fire (or something like that ) this week’s episode does not have a guest. But I think that’s exactly what needed to happen.Next week, we get a conversation with Cam Brewer, lawyer, activist, *accountant*, entrepreneur. This week, we get a short introduction to integrity.A short, 17 minute introduction that took me days to complete. I start with this:“Everyone is wildly ‘pro-integrity,’ but ask them what integrity actually means and they can rarely tell you, let alone translate their definition into specific behavioral expectations.” (Christopher Bauer)Can you tell me, first, whether you think integrity is important to you; and second, can you list for me a few specific behavioral expectations for yourself and those around you?I ended up, through the help of this fabulous article in Psychology Today by Leon F. Seltzer, realizing that for us, integrity should be considered in the context of our emotional health.And should be smoothered in a healthy dose of compassion, both for ourselves and for others.Consider that, when you integrate all the dissperate parts in yourself, you end up with integrity.Have a quick listen and let me know your thoughts!** I want to make a quick note here that I think Internal Family Systems is a really helpful model for looking at integrity. I don’t necessarily adhere to every aspect of this model. Notes:How and Why You Compromise Your Integrity Why Integrity Remains One of Leadership’s Top Attributes Photo by Natalie Rhea on UnsplashOnward. Excited to begin more conversations again. Ha! Is this section *ever* accurate? Hopefully, next conversation is with Cam Brewer discussing Integrity. The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, I speak with Lisa Richardson, writer.This week I had a chance to speak for the first time with Lisa Richardson, a writer based in Pemberton, British Columbia. Lisa’s writing moves me.It would be wonderful if there were so much strategic planning around this project that I could honestly say that is why I asked her to talk about movement.Alas, no. Movement was our loose theme but perhaps more correctly, we spoke of growth through the metaphor of gardening.And the movement of becoming unstuck, lifting eachother up, turning toward light, dancing our messages — I encourage you to listen for the gems Lisa scatters throughout the entire conversation. I felt it was an honour to converse with her and I am excited to share our conversation with you.One simple takeaway: Gardening is a terrible metaphor for parenting.Notes:Wellness Almanac — A community almanac from Pemberton, Lil'wat, Area C and N'Quatqua.Lisa Richardson, Bylines — Lisa’s writing portfolio - “Mountain Culture from Everywhere but the Sidelines”Onward. Excited to begin more conversations again. Next week, we introduce the first in a series of what I am calling “shadow” conversations with Deirdre McClaughlin. In this series, we tackle themes that no one wants to hear about in a way that you will want to listen to... .The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, I speak with Jackie Tahara, licensed surface pattern designer, illustrator, and artist.This week feels really special because wild and precious conversations is again a real conversation! When I met Jackie Tahara years ago, she was a lawyer. Fast forward many years and she makes her living through her art as a licensed surface pattern designer (notice the patterns in her image, above!) I really wanted to listen to her talk about getting there, getting to a place where art was a permanent fixture in her life. And, continuing with my theme of (not) magic, I do happen to know that Jackie’s background is heavily laden with art: art degree, textile diploma, and more. I didn’t know, but am not surprised, that a lovely, wonderful high school art teacher had a part to play (so important — we need more amazing art teachers!)But what is the path to carving out creativity in your everyday life?Well, you have to listen to find out! But we go there. And, yup, it’s not magic.Notes:UnBlink Studio — Jackie’s online portfolio.UnBlink Shop — Jackie’s shop. You can buy her patterns on flipflops (!) and much, much more.UnBlink IG — UnBlink Studio’s Instagram account.UnBlink Studio FB — UnBlink Studio’s Facebook account.Onward. Excited to begin more conversations again. Next week, a conversation with Lisa Richardson.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, I contemplate the power of the curse in our modern lives: The nocebo effect.This week, I have been contemplating the power of our words. There’s quite an industry dedicated to the idea that affirmations, positive thinking, and the like can make you rich, powerful, beautiful and healthy.Contrast that with the reality (which hit me this last week) that there is one emotion we all struggle mightily with that we use as a curse: Shame.We have a fraught relationship with shame, as we do with many of our emotions. My Dad introduced me to John Bradshaw’s “Healing the Shame That Binds You” and the idea of toxic shame. More recently, Bréne Brown has taken up the conversation around how much shame can hurt us.But obviously, sometimes shame is exactly what we should feel. If we’ve done something horrid, the appropriate feelings is shame.What, then, is up with our weird relationship to this emotion? I believe it’s the fact that it’s the only emotion we use as a curse.“Shame on you!” is a pretty powerful thing to say to someone. I go into more depth in the podcast on this topic, leading from shame to other ways our words can and have had a “nocebo” (“I will do harm”) effect on people. There are plenty of interesting examples.My point being, basically, that it isn’t really “magic” but our words, thoughts, and actions do have an effect and we should choose them wisely.We should consider whether we have the luxury of evoking negative past and future events, or whether you (like me!) don’t really have space for that in our lives.

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, I introduce you to the FREE Science of Well Being class taught through Cousera by Dr. Laurie Santos at Yale.This week, I think Dr. Laurie Santos’ Yale course was on my mind as I contemplated Magic vs Science. I took her “Happiness Class” a few years ago when my family needed, frankly, a reminder of what happiness was.I think that is what was behind my thesis that emotional fitness ain’t Magic — It’s science. And kinda boring science, too. The podcast episode is admittedly a bit meandering this week but the gist is that the Wellness Industry was worth 3.72 TRILLION dollars back in 2015.Clearly, there is nothing wrong with spending money on things like a spa vacation, or a beautiful serene home. Clearly, there are people who can’t afford even basic things and struggle to feed their children and stay warm in winter.Between those extremes, many of us eek out our lives trying to get more emotionally fit — more emotionally well. We occasionally splurge on expensive solutions to our wellness deficit, buying a program or spa package or fitness thingy when, really, that is all smoke and mirrors or snake oi.Speaking of snake oil…have you ever wondered where that term came from? Turns out, there’s a bit of truth to it but, like many things, the medicine got diluted over time and when money started changing hands…Turns out, the best ways to become more emotionally it, achieve wellness as it were, are the following:Practice what you are good at.Savor your life — Notice things like your bare feet on the floor, the fact that you have hot water, the feeling of snow on your face.Practice gratitude Kindness for othersStay socially connectedExerciseSleep wellMeditateCarve out timeThese are all things that are taught in Dr. Laurie Santos’ free class, by the way…Notes:Wild and Precious Courses. — The Self Care Course Gives much more detail on the steps to take in order to fully feel all your emotions in a healthy way.Photo by Greg Rakozy on UnsplashThe Science of Well Being — Dr. Laurie Santos’ course on happiness.What Wellness isBest Self Care is Kindness to OthersTrue Story of Snake OilOnward. I have changed course a bit and we are moving into magic.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, you have an assignment: either go and listen to Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us episode interviewing Emily and Amelia Nagosky, or sign up for my free Self Care First Aid Kit Course. This week I spent a good amount of time editing again — I will admit that I had gotten lazy, but a wonderful piece of feedback gave me renewed resolve to spend the hours editing. Let me know your thoughts....This week in the newsletter, I wrote that the opposite of uncertainty is boredom. This is true and we will always have uncertainty with us. The key is learning how to live with uncertainty.This really requires two things, which can be neatly tied up in a mantra I use in my own family: “Feel all your feelings; choose your behavior”After listening to Brene Brown’s interview with Emily and Amelia Nagosky, I realized I ought to spell out both parts.Feel all your feelings. This means not only feel every feeling, but fell your feelings all the way through. Really allow your feelings to flow through you, from beginning to end. This requires some (fun!) strategies, since we often need to “smile and wave, boys” during our day, and then allow ourselves to feel our feelings when it’s safe.In other words, perhaps you’re in a very dysfunctional work situation. You can’t express your emotions at work; it’s not safe. You wait until you get home, to a safe space and time, and then you go ahead and continue to feel your feelings.What happens when you don’t feel your feelings all the way through? You get stuck. You either get sick, yes, physically sick. Or you numb your emotions through one of several methods: alcohol, shopping, gambling, bingeing/purging (my old fav), porn, etc. Or you both numb and get sick.Why? Because emotions are “involuntary neurological events in your body”

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week contemplating happiness, as in why we should not strive for it. I tell the story of Nick Brown, who called “b******t” on a mathematical constant in positive psychology. This week I begin with the story of Nick Brown, a veteran IT guy who, after turning 50, changed into Human Resources and ended up smack dab in a Positive Psychology course in East London.He learned that we need a ratio of 2.9 positive emotions to every 1 negative emotion and when we attain this golden ratio, we achieve well-being, happiness, nirvana, bliss.He learned that this was empirically proven using SCIENCE.He called b******t and spent the next several years enlisting a mathematician to debunk this.Positive psychology in its essence makes a lot of sense. We should move away from outdated therpaies and theories that resulted in “learned helplessness”However, according to more people than just me :) feeling a full expression of emotions is very healthy.Rumination is not healthy — and I postulate that rumination (getting stuck) on any emotion, positive or negative, is unhealthy.The key is acceaptance of all your emotions, as they arrive, observing them as visitors in your lived experience. You then have the agency to choose how to respond. That is golden.Notes:The Underbelly Website.Photo by Nghia Le on UnsplashNick BrownBrain PickingsOnward. Next week we continue this series on Connectedness (see, it’s all connected :)) We move into the idea of kin and what that means. Guests are imminent.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week contemplating retreat. Using Norm MacDonald, Trader Joe, and Sun Tzu. So, this week, it’s just me again, no guest. Retreat. When my husband said he needed to retreat (not his words, but I think appropriate) and that I was welcome, I hesitated. I felt the transition was too much. I only went because I knew it was important to him and I felt like I wanted to support him.The retreat — 4 days camping in the rain — restored me. Nature: woods, lake, mountains, mist, ducks and no human made noise other than conversation. For four days, I unplugged and sat still, not fighting, not doing, just being.In the podcast are my thoughts from that retreat. I begin with the thought from the 5th century Art of War by Sun Tzu, that winning over your enemy without battling ought to be the goal.You don’t get gold stars because of how much you fight. We tend, I think, to get wrapped up in the battle, the fight, the constant struggle, and forget to ask ourselves what our strategy is.Perhaps similar to that metaphor of the frog who stays in the pot of water as the temperature slowly rises, acclimating instead of taking appropriate action, we react and adjust to what life throws at us without a strategy, without a plan.And perhaps, perhaps, that is because we have not taken time out to care for ourselves, to retreat, to pause, to consider.Norm MacDonald, the Canadian comedian, has a sketch (link below) about his uncle’s courageous battle with bowel cancer. Perhaps it’s not really a fight worth pursuing. Last, a favorite retreat story of mine comes from Trader Joe, the business person who began a small chain of grocery stores called Trader Joe’s after his first grocery chain failed. He told a story about retreat to my high school economics class that I have kept close at hand for decades. Retreat. It’s essential.As I mentioned last week, I have been spending all my extra time over the last few weeks creating my website (underbel.li), creating courses (Create your own self care kit and Journal to Your Heart) and a little bookshop (Buy Indie books online — my first curated list is related to another course I created).What I talked about:First, My retreat.Second, The Art of War and the art of not battling.Third, Norm MacDonald.Fourth, Trader Joe.Notes:The Underbelly Website.Photo by Danielle MacInnes on UnsplashNorm MacDonaldThe Art of WarOnward. Next week we continue this series on Connectedness (see, it’s all connected :)) Who knows what I will explore next week?The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week it’s just me again, this time contemplating value. What it is, what we value, and what we should value. I have been spending all my extra time over the last few weeks creating my website (underbel.li), creating courses (Create your own self care kit) and a little bookshop (Buy Indie books online — my first curated list is related to another course I created).So, this week, it’s just me again, no guest. I hope I did the idea of value justice. I definitely will come back to it when I hear back from the expert I contacted…But for now, a few thoughts. First, what do we value? It wasn’t until the mid 19th century that we coupled value to cold hard cash…and since then, I believe, we have commoditized value and tended to place things that are commodifiable at a higher value in our lives.What we tend to value? Intelligence, atheticism, financial ability, and beauty.What we ought to value? Wisdom, courage, restraint, and justice.What do you value in yourself? Whaen you follow or admire someone, what are the values that stand out?What I talked about:First, What is value.Second, What do we value?Third, We all have intrinsic value.Fourth, What should we value?Notes:The Underbelly Website.Onward. Next week we continue this series on Connectedness (see, it’s all connected :)) Who know what I will explore next week?The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.Photo by Quentin Lagache on Unsplash Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week it’s just me again, this time contemplating boundaries. What they are, how to know and set your limits, and why or why not this should start early. Of course as soon as I decided that I was going to take a look at mental flexibility via relationship boundaries, I knew I was in trouble.Boundaries and I have a long and fraught history. A child of the summer of love, I came of age when it was normal to fire “stewardesses” for getting married or, God forbid, pregnant. It was pretty normal to tolerate people disrespecting your physical boundaries in the workplace and at home, “all in good fun.”You know, “the good old days.” So, over the past week or so, boundary issues have popped up here and there and I have been really aware of them. A few examples: A lovely dear old friend who I think of as an aunt posted a meme about how important it is to be “color blind” I know she meant well, but for many reasons, I decided to respectfully stand by my sister and explain that many people take issue with color blindness when it comes to race/ethnicity. Yikes. Boundaries. It felt important but it also brought up the boundary in that relationship…and that I was pushing up against it. Uncomfortable but healthy.Or this morning, when, instead of focusing on my own stuff, I decided to spend a good long time worrying about and considering my family’s stuff…even though I wasn’t asked, it wasn’t needed, and the net result was that my stuff is still there, waiting for me to deal with it. Uncomfortable, but in a slightly unhealthy way. :)The limits we set in our relationships — boundaries. These can beRigidDiffuse or WeakHealthyWe often fluctuate between weak and rigid…beginning with weak boundaries, where we may say “Yes” too often in order to avoid conflict, we may share too much, and we may end up feeling exhausted, taken advantage of, depleted.At which point, we may valiantly say, “Never again!” and put up rigid boundaries, where we say “No!” too often in order to protect ourselves, not share at all, and feel alienated, misunderstood, and lonely.There are lots of ways to slice boundaries but what works for me and may work for you is to divide them into 5 categories:PhysicalIntellectualSocialSpiritual EmotionalYou have the right to know and set limits in these 5 areas of your life in your relationships. At work, school, home, etc. The best way to learn healthy boundaries is through modeling, which happens as you grow in your family of origin. At home, school, sports teams, religious organizations, etc, healthy boundaries would be modeled for you and you would then learn, easily, what the healthy limits are in your culture.So. In case that didn’t happen for you as a child growing up, it’s doable to learn as an adult. First, simply becoming aware of what your limits are is helpful. I didn’t mention this in the episode, but a couple obvious things to note here: First, we do live in social groups and there are norms that do exist. Most of the times, the negotiation is subtle and happens fairly naturally, but there is a give and take with all boundaries. An example was how challenging the #MeToo movement was for some people. Our cultures boundaries changed, quickly. Second, this podcast episode is not tackling serious boundary abuse — in cases of serious physical or emotional abuse of boundaries, it’s important to seek professional help.What I talked about:First, What are boundaries.Second, How can we recognize our limits?Third, What are some examples of boundary limits?Fourth, I bring up a recent video of a young child eating raw cocoa powder.Notes:The Underbelly Website.Onward. Next week we continue this series on Connectedness (see, it’s all connected :)) I’m going to explore boundaries for one more week as I look at them from childhood on and how they have changed culturally over the last decades.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.Photo by Quentin Lagache on Unsplash Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week it’s just me talking about how our environment affects our emotional well being…and stuff we can do to get stronger. As I researched this episode, lots of familiar favorite people ventured into my consciousness. A man named Dr. Bruce K Alexander, who famously led the “Rat Park” experiments at Simon Fraser University in Burnaby British Columbia. A priest named Father Greg Boyle, who run the largest gang rehabilitation and reentry program in the world. Joseph Henrich, who wrote a book called “The WEIRDest People in the World: How the West Became Psychologically Peculiar and Particularly Prosperous”. And Roy Baumeister, whose research into self control and willpower I find fascinating.The story I want to tell about our culture, the breakdown of our culture and what that means for us required me to lean on a few (all white male) researchers and activists who I feel have done the important work in this area. So be it this time. This year began, if you will remember, with wildfires in Australia and the imminent extinction of the koala bear.At the time, I remember the uncertainty. The tiptoeing into 2020. Our local community suffered from overdose deaths in our small town that forced us to realize that our first responders (firefighters and one doctor, especially) work too hard in an uphill battle against an out of control problem.We then entered a pandemic. From there, like a bandaid being ripped off too quickly and too soon, we collectively confronted police brutality and racism. I remember the episode I did with my dear friend and mentor Dr. Stacee Reicherzer the week that Ahmed Aubrey’s murderers were arrested. We all, I feel, looked up and around us in a collective “What the heck?” moment. You can be shot dead while out for a jog in 2020?George Floyd’s murder awoke in us a conversation that is still going on. A loud, emotional conversation with family, friends, friends of friends. One of those conversations that we probably should have settled a long time ago, but since we didn’t, it’s going to be loud, chaotic, and more tense. But at least the conversation is happening. I think it’s ultimately positive and leading to a healthier culture.And then, the west coast of the United States caught fire.Have I left anything out?Against that backdrop, I tell about Bruce K Alexander’s research starting with Rat Park, and giving his rats an enriched environment.In this enriched environment, he was able to show that none of them overdosed on drugs. Some dabbled a bit, sure. As he says, “For all we know, maybe some rats like to party.” But none — zero — overdosed. When given an environment full of the things rats need and love: other rats, toys, good food, healthy places to play and live…they did not choose the drugs. They did not choose addiction.It’s safe to say (and yes, there’s mounds of research to this effect) that humans, too, in an “enriched environment” — a healthy culture full of the things humans need — do not overdose. Father Greg Boyle asks “How do we obliterate once and for all the illusion that there is an Us and a Them?”In his work, since 1992, he’s brought his parish together as kin. He’s taken what they already craved and already had — kinship — and strengthened those bonds. Creating an “enriched environment” where there wasn’t one, so that the people in his parish could (and do) thrive.So it’s possible. If it’s possible for one guy to start something in the poorest parish in Los Angeles and grow it into the largest gang rehabilitation and reentry organization in the world, then it is possible for us.It is possible for us to take what we’ve got, the hand we’ve been dealt, and create an enriched environment.Many of us have most likely been using “maladaptive coping mechanisms” for the time being. As placeholders until we learn how to get stronger, healthier, more adaptive so that we can make small changes in our environments — so that, actually, we don’t need to cope — we can thrive.If you have been using shopping, gambling, drinking another beer each night, wine o’clock, or whatever to cope, make sure and give yourself a huge hug. Way to survive. Way to keep going. Way to stay here, in the world, even when things look bleak.At the same time, if you’d like, might I throw you a life vest? A rope? Here are the pillars you can use to create healthy coping skills so you can actually thrive even when times are tough:Mental FlexibilityMindfulnessResillienceWhat I talked about:First, 2020 — Yikes.Second, Bruce K Alexander’s research.Third, Father Greg Boyle’s success.Fourth, Ways you can get stronger so that you can thrive in any environment and eventually make changes to your environment so you don’t have to cope.Notes:Bruce K Alexander website.Talk by Bruce K AlexanderRoy BaumeisterAtlantic review of Joseph Henrich’s book “The WEIRDest”Homeboy IndustriesTalk with Father Greg Boyle, David Vasquez and Ruben RuizBloom Where You Are Planted First Aid for GriefTrain for JoyOnward. Next week we continue this series on Connectedness (see, it’s all connected :)) We’ll focus on Mental Flexibility and learn about how you can get some.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.Photo by Om Malik on Unsplash Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week is a conversation with my sister and my cousins on our perfectly imperfect family. Chalk this up to yet another time I thought I was going to get off easy…After many many hours of deep thought, lots of laughing, and many conversations, text messages, and still more conversations, we have an episode for you.Obviously, we’re not the Kardashians, so it’s fair to ask why you’d want to listen to us talk about our family.We’re not the Cleavers, either, so we certainly can’t lecture you on anything close to “Do this, not that”.What we can do, by opening up a bit ourselves, is to start the conversation.We are a perfectly imperfect family. We enjoy being together, look forward to talking to each other, and genuinely feel close to each other. Join us as we explore what makes us “work” — even in light of lots of reasons we shouldn’t.Beyond this, I am really interested in your family. What makes it work? What do you hold in high esteem? What are you carrying forward into the next generation? What I talked about:First, We introduce the family holiday at the Hall household. Not for the faint of heart but lots of fun.Second, We realize that the creativity runs deep in our family — was it tolerance or true love that allowed us to create elaborate haunted houses every family holiday?Third, No one gets left behind. We explore how it works in our family that we can expand to include whoever and whatever shows up.Fourth, We realize that, like separating the wheat from the chaff, we have carried things forward into the next generation and simply left the things that didn’t work on the threshing floor.Onward to Enriched Environment. We’re still working through connectedness and it seems fitting that the next place to go is to explore our environments. I’m going to look into the Rat Park experiments that took place at Simon Fraser University in the 1970s and learn a bit about the story of Bruce K. Alexander, the man who created Rat Park. Hopefully, we’ll learn a bit how we can create an enriched environment for ourselves and why that is so important.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week is a short episode to queue up next week’s conversation with my sister and my cousins. We talk regularly, so we thought we’d give it a go with a basic theme and ample time to talk…but the conversation just didn’t work as an episode so we’re trying again.This week, you’ve got me for around 25 minutes with some thoughts on the fantasy versus reality of family. Funny, it occurred to me this week that family is most easily the one subject I feel like I can speak on with some authority, humility, and confidence. I know family. And I know I don’t know family. What I know: Family is sacred. Of the relationships available to us in our culture, family is the invited, most-inner circle. The relationship held in highest esteem, the relationship with the most obligation.It’s also, weirdly, given very little space to flourish. I think that is why there is a gap in the fantasy of family versus the reality of family.I take the incredibly sad story of the Stauffer family’s choice to adopt and then un-adopt a son as an apt example of the fantasy of family butted up against the reality.The fantasy says that what you need for a healthy family is a bullet point list of things like a regular schedule, family dinners, neat clothes, good grades, and a mission statement.The reality, it turns out, is much simpler: You, the adult family members, when you get triggered (and you will) need to do your work. Get therapy, heal, whatever you need to do to grow from that trigger until you are triggered no more…until the next trigger, and the next.That simple reality costs a lot of time and money. It is not something most families can afford — either because they don’t have the time, don’t have the money, or don’t have the emotional strength. No shade but until we’re willing to admit that the one thing we need to do to have a healthy family is the one thing we can’t/won’t do, I firmly believe we’re going to continue to have a rather large gap in the fantasy of the healthy family versus the reality. What I talked about:First, Family is sacred.Second, My foray into creating a family — I did not go willingly or easily down the path. I was not naturally nurturing. I never wanted to be a mother or really to have a family at all.Third, Family means nobody gets left behind. Meet the Stauffer family who adopted and then un-adopted their son.Fourth, People, having a healthy family means committing to your own health first. Put your oxygen mask on and then dive in.Notes:Unadopted — Story of the Stauffer Family.Onward to Family, part 2. I love the idea that we choose our family and I love the idea that we nurture the hell out of the relationships with those we did not chose. Both. All. And, I acknowledge that sometimes we need to pause a relationship while the other person catches up a bit. Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and our conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with My Family: my sister and my two cousins. Honestly, it’s going to be quite the conversation. The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Nurturing/Mothering — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Jessica Hessels, Badass Mom of the Badass Moms Club. Our conversation begins at approximately the 5:20 mark with Jessica graciously accepting my affirmation that I wholeheartedly enjoy her youthfulness. I appreciate her young, open attitude toward mothering (and all care giving) and so we start there.We talk a lot about social media - how it can empower and disempower young parents simply through its immediacy and always-on nature. It’s been a full 23 years since I was a new mom, so a lot has changed — I so admire the inclusiveness in modern mothering…but also understand that there is a lot of pressure still to conform.And that is in many ways the essence of what we talk about. I chose to breastfeed all four of my babies, while Jessica chose to share feeding with her husband and use formula. Both are options. Both are valid options.And, onward to more empowerment of those caring for the youngest and most vulnerable. What we talked about:First, Yes, Jessica is young & wise.Second, Breast is {not necessarily} best. It’s a choice, people. As are most decisions we make during mothering an all care giving. The range of acceptable is wide. Third, Mothering, care giving, is a role we take on but which should not define us.Fourth, Let’s make absolutely sure our oxygen mask is on first.Notes:The Badass Moms Club — Cate’s latest space for connection.Onward to Family. I love the idea that we choose our family and I love the idea that we nurture the hell out of the relationships with those we did not chose. Both. All. And, I acknowledge that sometimes we need to pause a relationship while the other person catches up a bit. Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and our conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with My Family: my sister and my two cousins. Honestly, it’s going to be quite the conversation. The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Connectedness — Welcome to the second half of a Wild and Precious conversation with Cate Baio, Transformational Coach. Our conversation begins with Cate speaking about the importance of community in connectedness and how challenging that is right now. She talks about a Brene Brown book, “Braving the Wilderness”, and how important shared experience is to our sense of community. (Heck Yes!)I make a rallying cry for the fact that humans are going to be human, no matter what. And that, with focus and encouragement on healthy ways to connect, we got this.Cate introduces a term from her child’s school “up & clean or down & dirty” — and we talk about some “up & clean” ways to connect…as well as a few “down & dirty”We wind our way into creating a culture where everyone is emotionally strong and healthy. Wow. What a world. I end by sending a shout out to a dear friend who is running for leadership of the British Columbia Green Party, Cam Brewer. A huge boost to ethical, healthy political action.What we talked about:First, Braving the Wilderness of community.Second, We yearn for connection. Let’s do it in an “Up & Clean” way.Third, Let’s work to foster community that’s connected and healthy…maybe even a few politicians? Notes:The Wholehearted Collective — Cate’s latest space for connection.Braving the Wilderness — Brene BrownBritish Columbia Green Party — Cam Brewer’s leadershipOnward to more connection — this time with Moms! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with Jessica Hessels of BadAss Moms Club podcast. The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Connectedness — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Cate Baio, Transformational Coach. Our conversation begins with Cate speaking to the fact that I view her life’s work as being about connection and connectedness. We wind out way through a conversation that goes to ideas put forth in Brene Brown’s book, “Braving the Wilderness” We move from there to the idea of being connected to those around you and seeing yourself though the lens provided by those close to you.We pause for today with the idea that, when we can connect to those around us as our authentic selves, it becomes like a little flame that grows…Next week, we continue the conversation.What we talked about:First, Yes, Cate’s life work is centered in connection.Second, Connection to yourself first…but what does that look like? I put forward that Hannah Gatsby seems to be an idealized example of what might happen if we are truly imperfectly our authentic selves.Third, We consider what happens when we are seen and reflected in the eyes of those closest to us.Fourth, We pause for today with the idea that connection can begin like a little flame….Notes:The Wholehearted Collective — Cate’s latest space for connection.Braving the Wilderness — Brene BrownOnward to more connection! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and part two of our conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with Cate Baio of Cate Baio Transformational Coaching. The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Good Life — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Jeff Strong, pastor of Nelson Covenant Church. Our conversation begins as we dive in with the idea of a rule of life — Jeff speaks about the most recent time he worked on his, which was during vocational formation to become pastor in the Covenant church.We move from there to the idea of balancing our authentic selves with being together in relationship in the world. Mindfulness, listening to our bodies, expressing our emotions — even the negative ones — and being aware of what those emotions really are. It’s all part of the whole.Being in the world — feeling at home in our own skin but also feeling at ease in our relationships with others. How? Well, we don’t come to any definitive 3 point plans by any means but we do narrow it down to the importance of getting still and listening to God’s voice — and the all important — LOVE.What we talked about:First, The brass tacks: what even is a rule of life?Second, We move into the idea of expressing yourself, knowing what you are even feeling, mindfulness, and listening to your body for clues.Third, Going deeper — we all yearn to feel at ease in the world, in relationship with ourselves and others. How can we do this? Through time spent with that “third ballast” (Jeff’s words) God.Fourth, IT all comes down to love.Notes:Mere Disciple — Jeff’s podcastOnward to connection! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with Cate Baio of Cate Baio Transformational Coaching. The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Goodness — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation that’s both about our Goodness and the first episode of my parallel project: People Are Good. The episode begins with a quote from my favorite podcast. I’m a Murderino, a huge fan of “My Favorite Murder” and in episode #185, Karen Kilgarith and Georgia Hardstark nailed it when they said the title of Karen’s next book will be: “Shut Up: You’re the A*****e” — You need to admit, with humility, that you are always an a-hole, and move forward accepting that.The premise today is that you need to give up being a good person in order to do good stuff.The story that I use to really drive that home is the story of dearly beloved, all around “good person” and worldwide hero, Winston Churchill. What I talked about:First, The way that Karen K. and Georgia H. nailed what I wanted to talk about today made me want to force everyone I know to listen to their podcast. Yes, there’s true crime. Yes, there’s comedy. I come for that stuff but stay for the free life coaching.Second, Scott Jefferies, life coach, writes in his article at Psych Central that you must let go of the idea of being a good person if you want to actually do good. I realted that to Carol Dweck’s idea about a Growth Mindset.Third, I tell the story of Winston Churchill with an emphasis on the things he got very very wrong.Fourth, The implication may be that, perhaps, the more one holds tightly to the idea that they are 100% good, the more heinous the evil may be that escapes unwittingly. Perhaps.Notes:My Favorite Murder — My Favorite Podcast. Really.Why You Should Stop Being A Good Person — Scott Jefferies article at Psych CentralGrowth Mindset — Carol Dweck speaking at Google on her idea of the Growth MindsetQuotes (Answers to who said what in the podcast):ChurchillNeither — attributed to Churchill but there is no evidence he actually said it.HitlerHitlerChurchill Onward — The next few weeks we’re talking about how we’re connected! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday.What do you think? Are people good? Let me know. What you can do if you want to support this project:Subscribe/rate/review at Apple podcasts — or Spotify, or Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Subscribe here to the newsletter/podcast combo. Subscribing to the podcast on your favorite platform and subscribing here on substack is a wonderful way to support this project and get great stories every week :) Tell a friend. Actually just tell them. With words. Call them, maybe?Tell me what you think. It helps - it’s so appreciated! Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Good Enough — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation where I tell a story about a “Good Enough” life and give some ideas for how you can get one of your own. I began by diving into Winnicott and his ideas about the “good enough” care giver. What that means, why we mostly unfortunately didn’t have “good enough” parents and probably weren’t good enough parents ourselves. Also 1000% no shade to parents — first, we’re all in the same boat, trying to follow the latest expert advice rather than our “good enough” inner voice. And second, we know about this thing called resilience. We can learn to be “good enough” at any age.What I talked about:First, Who was Winnicott and what was his message — and why was it so counter culture? What was the prevailing message for how to parent?Second, What happens when we don’t have “good enough” parents?Third, Okay — Great. What can we do to become “good enough”?Fourth, I tell a really inspiring story about a “good enough” person. I really hope that when you hear this story you will be inspired to do the work to become “good enough”.Notes:Winnicott — Really good article about him, his radio broadcasts and the time that he lived in.Caroline McHugh — The Art of Being YourselfChiune Sugihara — A good enough person.Onward! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday. I would love to hear from you! I’m really passionate about all of us living “good enough” lives. What do you do in your life to stay true to yourself? What do you need more of? What, if anything, can I do to help? Honestly, if you let me know and I know of a resource, I’ll send it your way. Thank you!The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Subscribe/rate/review at Apple podcasts — or Spotify, or Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Sex — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Leah Carey of Good Girls Talk About Sex podcast. Our conversation began by acknowledging that “the world is on fire”. From there, we dove head first into talking about sex. I’m taking a bit of a departure today for my show notes, because I really like Leah’s bio and want to use it to introduce what we talked about and why I think Leah was the perfect choice as a guest for this subject:Leah Carey is a sex and intimacy coach who works with women who are ready to move beyond laying back and accepting whatever their partner wants to do to them, and want to start becoming equal co-creators of their sexual experience.This work was not an obvious life choice for Leah. Growing up with an abusive father, she learned to be a VERY “good girl.” But she never learned about building a loving, trusting relationship.She got involved in a series of emotionally abusive relationships, always convinced that SHE was the problem – not pretty enough, smart enough, or sexually skilled enough. Even worse: she wasn’t having pleasure during sex, so she was convinced she was broken.At age 42, life threw Leah an opportunity to build a new story: with both parents gone and no siblings, she no longer needed to uphold the family mythology of the “good girl.”Over the course of a year, she challenged her old beliefs about worthiness, attractiveness, and desirability. Watching her phenomenal growth, people started seeking her out to help them do the same.Today, Leah works with women like you to reflect your true sexual nature back to you, without all the judgment, shame, and fear that can get in the way of you seeing it for yourself. She will give you permission to embrace the sexuality that is innately yours, no matter what it looks like. In working with her, you will have the opportunity to sink so deeply into your true sexuality that the person who used to be scared of what she wanted - and terrified to speak it out loud - feels like a mirage from another lifetime.She is the host of the podcast “Good Girls Talk About Sex,” where she interviews women about their personal sexual histories.What we talked about:First, A rather long (7 ish minute) preamble where we talk about what is going on in the world. We each share a pretty vulnerable story about what we have learned recently about our friends who are Black/Brown or African American.Second, We dive into sex. Third, We discuss the importance of relationship, of being vulnerable, of working through the difficult moments to get to the good stuff and how everyone is better off when we can take the time to have a healthy sexual realtionship.Fourth, We get into some very frank talk about what that means — including, and please see the show notes, a great resource for how to talk about your STARS.Notes:Visit Leah at www.leahcarey.com or on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube @GoodGirlsTalkSTARS Talk — STARS talk by Dr. Evelin DackerOnward to Vulnerability. Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with … I’m not sure yet. I am considering a non-guest week! But how is that a conversation? Patcience, grasshopper. It’s all about vulnerability.The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Gratitude — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Matana Poupko Jacobs, of Hope to Recharge podcast. Our conversation began by jumping right in to the reality that gratitude is really easy when life is easy. It becomes precious when life throws you a curve ball, when you have to remember to be grateful for your breath. For your ability to sit down. For the roof over your head. For your food that day. We then wander into a discussion of Sabbath, of taking time to connect to your inner self, to God, to your close family. We talk about the importance of recognizing resentment. Of not just moving to gratitude when it’s false, but taking time to come through resentment to acceptance and finally a real gratitude for something that may surprise you.I decided to give up my slight resentment over wearing masks as an example. Before you send hate mail, please know that I really don’t resent wearing a mask very much — I decided to “go there” as a way to open that conversation that no one really wants to wear a mask when we wake up in the morning…but we do it out of love for our neighbour. Honestly, I think how we broke that one down was gorgeous. Thank you, Matana!The way Matana left the conversation filled me with well needed tears of joy. Listen.What we talked about:First, Gratitude is easy until it is not. At that moment, start small. Start with your breath.Second, We move into a lovely (IMHO) discussion of the Sabbath, going inward to find gratitude, the importance of knowing yourself (that’s my paraphrase…) Third, We discuss being both spiritual and religious and how to find a balance of the two.Fourth, We end on the breath.Notes:Hope to RechargeUnblink Studio — My friend Jackie Tahara’s shop. I can’t be the only one wanting to up my mask game? Onward to sex! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with Leah Carey of Good Girls Talk About Sex. (Yes, your normally modest dare-I-say sqeamish 52 year old gets very frank and mature. Be forewarned.)The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Peace — Welcome to the second half of my Wild and Precious conversation with Kimberly Weeks, Trauma Recovery Coach. Our conversation continues with the reality that you cannot have peace within when your neighbour is in trauma. We really reach deep and talk about the difficult stuff going on in the world right now: the emerging awakening to a world that does not tolerate injustice, that does not tolerate racism. Kimberly shares the 5 steps to recovery from trauma:DenialChaosRecoveryReclamation AdvocacyAnd from there, we speak about what is happening in our world right now while also relating it to our personal experiences in our families and within ourselves.We end our conversation hopeful, a little spent :) and ready to move through the stages to become advocates for each other.What we talked about:First, I started things off by confronting the idea that many of us want to hush trauma. We feel disregulated by other people expressing their grief or rage and need to quieten it in order to calm ourselves…Second, Kimberly jumps in and gives the five stages recovery. Names that hushing space as denial into chaos and helps to hold space for and give hope for what can happen by staying in that difficult and icky feeling process. Third, We dig deeper, both in terms of family systems and the wider world and talk about how hard it is to move through trauma.Fourth, We talk about harmony. Not agreeing with everyone on everything but being able to tolerate a world of differences — different emotional stages, different responses, different levels of trauma recovery, different opinions. And how beautiful it can be, coming from a place of love and being strong enough to listen to the music we play together.Notes:Kimberly WeeksOnward to…I haven’t decided yet! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast with a surprise guest! (I am between three different themes and haven’t decided what comes next…)The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Peace — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Kimberly Weeks, Trauma Recovery Coach. Our conversation began with what peace is. My young, immature self thought peace was easy. My slightly more mature self knows it’s not. Getting there, getting to a place of peace, of wholeness, is where the struggle lies. We talk about what peace is and how to get there. What the struggle feels like when you don’t have peace on the inside but crave peace in your outer world, in your community. Hint: it isn’t going to happen…This is a two part conversation. There was a natural break at the mid-way point, so we’re going to leave you with a cliffhanger :) Can we have peace in our inner selves? Can our communities find peace? What we talked about:First, We ease into the conversation and I left it in there…skip to about 8 minutes if you don’t want to hear me talk about why I have a woodpecker sound for my notifications....Second, Kimberly defines peace and we start in. Third, We move into the idea of starting with inner peace…Fourth, We talk about the unrest in our communities right now and begin to speak about getting to peace.Notes:Kimberly WeeksOnward to more peace! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and the second part of our conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode with Kimberly Weeks, Trauma Recovery CoachThe Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com

Creativity — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Jae Hermann, Badassery Advocate. Our conversation began with my curiosity around Jae’s stint as a Military Police Officer. As soon as I saw that in her bio, I knew I had to ask for more on that story. Our conversation flowed into recommitting to your platform, recommitting to what you stand for on a daily basis, and being willing to change as needed. To reinvent what you do, how you show up.We talk about wanting to ensure that this moment in history, where we’re gaining momentum to really want permanent change, becomes just that. Not a fluke, not a moment in the sun where we promote black and brown and non-white businesses for a few weeks and then stop, but we permanently look for ways to make more black, brown and non-white businesses and creative projects get center stage.And we talk about how important it is now for GenX women and men to rediscover their why, rediscover their energy, their playfulness, their story.What we talked about:First, Synchronicity, creativity, flow — How life unfolds for us.Second, What does it mean to recommit to your platform every day? Third, How can we ensure that black, brown, and non-white businesses stay at the top of our minds? How can we keep the momentum going?Fourth, The importance of helping Gen Xers rediscover their playful side, rediscover their power.Notes:Jae HermannOnward to peace! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode with Kimberly Weeks, Trauma Recovery CoachThe Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong! And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you. Get on the email list at underbelly.substack.com