Podcast appearances and mentions of anne lamont

Out of the gate today we are into all the TMI topics like how to wear your gown at the Doctor's office, mammograms, and what stage of menopause we are in. (Did you know there are five?) Cynthia's family keeps it real as usual by washing their healthy vitamins full of fruits and veggies down with Diet Dr. Pepper.  Next up we discuss the Olympics, from what our favorite sports are to handball and break dancing, which we are pretty sure are made-up sports. I rehash my prolific synchronized swimming career and share how I impressed (read tortured) my boys on vacation by showing off my skills. Both of us are fresh off of summer family trips where I bribed my boys to play family games, and Cynthia got recognized in a hotel lobby while sternly talking to her family about taking a good picture.  Cynthia is reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont and gives some ideas on how to slow down and take note of the little things in life so we can remember them later. I share how the pressure to list all the needed family improvements can get overwhelming so I am choosing to list what is going well this season. Come laugh with us and be reminded that no matter how messy summer is making memories and taking time with family is invaluable.  Connect with Cynthia Yanof:  Website:  https://cynthiayanof.com/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cynthia.yanof Instagram:  @cynthiayanof  Podcast: MESSmerized  Links Mentioned:   Hiya kids vitamins (see link and discount below) Ilona Maher (@ilonamaher) Crazy Rich Asians | Prime Video Bird by Bird: By Anne Lamott NYT Games: Word Games and Sudoku Cynthia's apple watch band The Bear (TV Series 2022– ) - IMDb Satin Heatless Curling Set  Bruce's flat iron from when he chemically straightened his hair Related Episodes: The Goal Isn't Happy Children :: Cynthia Yanof – Summer of Mentorship – Wk 6 [Ep 419] A Mash-Up of Summer Support [Ep 411] Breaking Up with Perfect :: Summer of Mentorship Week 4 Featured Sponsors:  Hiya–We've worked out a special deal with Hiya for their best selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/DMA . This deal is not available on their regular website Skylight Calendar-As a special, limited-time offer for our listeners, get $40 off your purchase of a Skylight Calendar when you go to skylightcal.com/ALONE . Find links to this week's sponsors and unique promo codes at dontmomalone.com/sponsors. 

Hello Libration Nation - I'm back! So, after all these interviews talking with wonderful people about their favorite books, I felt it was time to share some of my own things, and who better to do that with than my husband Bill as our first guest host?! This week we are talking Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont, one of my favorite books, and a source of inspiration for doing this podcast as well. Our drink this week is a GigiRita, which is just a Margarita with Grand Mariner that a I gave this silly eponymous names a few years ago after making them at home with friends, they are amazing and a staple at my house when hosting! GigiRita1 oz Grand Marnier2 oz Tequila1 oz Simple Syrup or Agave.5 oz Lime JuiceAdd salt if you want!In this episodeSmall Victories by Anne LamottOperating Instructions by Anne LamottSomehow by Anne Lamott

My Story: Finding my voice. My twenties were categorized as driven and successful. My resume boasted of working for influential organizations. I was a popular communicator traveling across the globe to speak to students. And I became an author at the young age of 27.  But then, I turned 30, had kids, faced some rejection and was felt like I had peaked in life. Where the twenties were driven with confidence, my thirties felt like a lonely space. Having accomplished so much in life to that point, I wondered if this was it. I felt like there was a formula to life, a certainty to things. But my thirties proved that life was more uncertain than I had believed.  In those years, I longed to communicate with women again. I longed to connect with others through conversation. In October of 2015, the podcast, Surviving Sarah, was born. It was to be a place where I could use my voice again to help other women know they aren't alone. It was a place where I could help women survive right where they are—in their life, their relationships, their work and their faith. After years of living and learning, I wrote a new book about how motherhood has raised me. “A Mother's Guide to Raising Herself: What Parenting Taught Me About Life, Faith and Myself” is a guide that captures that journey of realizing that as I was parenting my girls, I was actually parenting myself. In 2024, I released my next book: “Is Everyone Happier Than Me? An Honest Guide to the Questions That Keep You up at Night.” This book is an honest look at the questions we ask in midlife. It's a book that helps us navigate those questions and hopefully discover how to find a sense of happiness, peace and connection right where we are. Now, my forties are categorized as a different confidence—a confidence in the journey of discovering who I am and stepping confidently into that person. It's a journey defined by curiosity and surrendering to the uncertainty of it all. And as Anne Lamont says, “The opposite of faith is not doubt, it's certainty.” By embracing the uncertainty with curiosity, my faith has been reconstructed. WEBSITE: Sarah Bragg INSTAGRAM: @SarahBragg AMAZON: Book: is everyone happier than me?

Inspired by Matthew 18:3 - "And he said, truly I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."  Inspired by Reagan S, Yoga Sutras, Collette O'mahony, Roshi Joan Halifax, Alberto Villoldo, Jim Morrison, Anne Lamont, Neal Allen, Ram Dass, CTR, Jonathan B, and Hayao Miyazaki. Audiobook.  Mature listeners only (18+).

Rev. Shannon Cook reads part of Anne Lamott's Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers

I hosted a virtual Christmas party in my membership program, Your Platform Matters (YPM). At the party I encouraged a writing exercise: Christmas Reflections. I asked these writers to close their eyes and go back in time to a warm and wonderful Christmas memory from their childhood. Rather than trying to capture a big, sprawling scene, I asked them to zero in on a detail. Using the one-inch frame Anne Lamont talks about in Bird by Bird, they narrowed their focus to a detail that they could see, smell, taste, touch, or hear. We captured those multi-sensory, concrete, specific details in words and phrases, dropping them in the Zoom chat. What a quiet, creative gift it was to share those memories with each other, to go back in time, to reflect...to write. After the party sendoff, I assembled the snapshot memories (with their permission) to create a free verse poem: Christmas Reflections Popcorn captured on strings strung on the tree,Mom, sis, and I around kitchen table, molding memories out of salt dough ornaments.Snowed in with guests,ice skating on the road,fluffy snowflakes falling on faces,magic in the night sky. Carols around the old upright piano—the twinkle in his eye bounced off his rosy cheeks as hisfamily sang the familiar tune.Pinecandlelightblack hairsparkling crystal necklacegreen silkreaching and hitting the high notes. Candles glimmered in hands lighting evening darkness.The lonely ceramic clown tucked in the Nativity scene—family humor nestled amidst the holy.I bend pipe cleaner arms around tree branch—the hand-crafted felt mouse smiles back at me.In the midst of the darknesswe sat in the puddle of light from the tree. Wrapping paper rustling in the night.Excited anticipation waiting at the top of the stairs,kitchen breakfast smells wafting up to us:bacon, sausage, cinnamon buns.We tiptoed down the stairs,our slippers silencing our steps.Cookies set out for Santa—only crumbs in the morning.Fireplace crackling—Santa's in the kitchen!Afraid of men with beards, I was assured thatSanta Claus was gone. Shiny blue bicycle.Silver blue-tinted ball ornament.The young girl looking back at methrough the ornament's reflectionwas full of joyful smiles.Surrounded by the rapidly torn wrapping paper—utter delight.My fingers swiftly undid the twist tiesso I could stroke the loop braidsof my doll come to life from my favorite books. Are we there yet? rang from the backseat.Grandma's house full of warm laughter.Wrapped in blankets on the floorplaying the Authors card gameand Monopoly—the world was clear and bright. Try it! Take a moment to try this yourself. Close your eyes and capture that one-inch square of a warm and wonderful Christmas memory from your childhood. Share it in the comments below. I want to go back in time with you to see, smell, and hear your Christmas reflection. We so enjoyed the magic of creating this in community. I hope you find your writing community, as well. You're always welcome to be part of Your Platform Matters! Merry Christmas from the writers of YPM—and from me! ________________________________

In a quote by Anne Lamont, she expresses, I do not at all understand the mystery of grace, only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us. How would we describe grace? Would it simply be a footnote, an afterthought, or an anecdote, given little or no regard, or would we genuinely be able to comprehend the expanse of God's grace (loving kindness) towards us? In life's most consequential moments, in shame, hardship, trouble, turmoil, doubt, fear and heartache, His grace is more than sufficient. Grace, grace, God's grace, Grace that will pardon and cleanse within; Grace, grace, God's grace, Grace that is greater than all our sin! (Julia H. Johnston, 1910) Today's podcast is titled. Improbable Grace Hebrews 12:15 15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Who can justify grace? Who can lay claim to it? Who can justly and righteously disseminate it among God's creation? It is this thing that while seldom seen, and hardly borne out of the bosom of humanity, we plead for God, to have mercy, and He delivers unto us grace. A gift that is neither earned or deserved, and yet because of His unfailing love towards us, His mercy and grace endure forever, Hebrews 4:16 confirms, Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. As we yield, we at last discover peace through grace, God's persistent effort to reach us just where we are. Some may say, I've neither heard nor witnessed this grace, but I submit to you, Psalm 27:13-14, in which David declares, 13 I would have fainted, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/david66634/message

I like the definition of courage from Anne Lamont."courage is fear that has said its prayers"In this episode, I thank you for being a part of The Team Meeting Community. I also talk about how to exercise your courage muscles, which is what we do here. Let those muscles burn baby.If you're growing and learning and healing you will come to seasons in life where you are very uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable does not mean you're off track.You're probably exactly where you need to be.Let's start the meeting.And, thank you for listening.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey did you know we have any Esty Store loaded with products that will help you exercise your courage muscles?Join me on Instagram @Tauralynn

S3 E6: Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy by Anne Lamott Welcome to The Book Dialogue! Thank you for listening in. “Mercy is radical kindness. Mercy means offering or being offered aid in desperate straits. Mercy is not deserved. It involves absolving the unabsolvable, forgiving the unforgivable. Mercy brings us to the miracle of apology, given and accepted, to unashamed humility when we have erred or forgotten.” Anne Lamott, Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy Anne Lamott defines “Mercy” as radical kindness. What is radical kindness? And how do we experience it within our daily interactions? Join Sarah and Rebecca as they discuss Anne Lamott's book, Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy. Music by Johannes Bornlöf "As I Dream" #EpidemicSound https://www.epidemicsound.com/track/4cUBo6wPFR/

Have you ever questioned whether you deserve to be a writer? Or what you should be writing? Anna Conathan never wanted to be a screenwriter, and yet found herself working in LA for some of the world's biggest production houses including Disney, Sony, Warner Brothers, and Paramount. Then motherhood hit and she not only felt like an imposter in her highly paid Hollywood role, but was totally drowning with medical complications and depression. The one thing that stayed consistent throughout her journey, helping her find her place and herself despite all of the challenges is her voice. In this episode, Anna shares this journey and how she is supporting other moms and writers find their own voice and place in the world as a writing and life coach and chief creative officer at LUMO Leadership (https://www.lumoleadership.com/) and Luscious Mother (https://www.lusciousmother.com/). Connect with Anna on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/annaconathancoaching, on her website: http://annaconathancoaching.com, on Instagram at annaconathancoaching or email her at anna@annaconathancoaching.com. Resources mentioned: Anne Lamont's Bird By Bird Connect with the These Mums Write Community Join the These Mums Write Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thesemumswrite/ Get my freebie guide on creating more time to write: https://www.subscribepage.com/tipsforfindingtimetowrite Find out about upcoming workshops on creativity and writing for mums by joining my newsletter: https://www.subscribepage.com/c1z8b4

I don't think there is ever a time when we won't feel fear. I like the definition of courage from Anne Lamont."courage is fear that has said its prayers"Today we talk about how to overcome fears. I give you a few tips I use to help me deal with uncomfortable and unknown situations. If you're growing and learning and healing you will come to seasons in life where you are uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable does not mean you are off track.You are probably exactly where you need to be.Let's start the meeting.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey did you know we have any Esty Store loaded with products that will help you exercise your courage muscles?Join me on Instagram @Tauralynn

When we know people in our life are struggling, “what do I say to them?” is often the wrong question we ask ourselves. There's a better question we can ask that will comfort and encourage people. Listen in to learn more. Episode 148 left us hanging Episode 148 from last week talked about five things NOT to say to people close to us who are going through a rough patch in their life. I'll have a link to it in the show notes. So if we know what not to say, then what are helpful things we could say? We'll tackle this question in today's episode. Words matter I love words. I love people who write them well. I like how Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz and other best-selling memoirs uses words. He incorporated as a company simply called “Donald Miller's Words.” Our daughter has a friend who does free-lance copywriting. She calls her business "Words for Sale." I like Anne Lamont and how she uses words. Of the many books she's written, one of my favorites is her book about 3 types of prayer. It's called Help. Thanks. Wow. Three simple words. Three powerful prayers. In talking about the wow of God, she frequently uses the phrase, “It's God showing off.” It's the best description of sunsets, the Grand Canyon, and childbirth I can think of - God showing off. In William P. Young's book, The Shack, he repeats the phrase “God is especially fond of you” in addressing, Mack, the main character of the book. What a beautiful phrase and powerful theological truth. “God is especially fond of you” These are all beautiful words. Words have their limits But words have their limits when it comes to knowing what to say to people going through a rough patch in their life. I find myself saying things like, “I am so sorry you're having to deal with this.” It's truly how I feel, but it seems hollow sometimes. When it comes to our friends dealing with a death, we often say “I'm sorry for your loss”, or if it's a sudden, tragic death, “I have no words.” And that's the problem, we often don't have words to express how we feel inside for the pain someone close to us is experiencing. So few of us are like Donald Miller, Anne Lamont, or William Young with our words. I so wish we had a larger menu, like they have at Chinese restaurants, of comforting words and phrases to choose from. Beyond Words But then I think, are better words really the answer? It seems to me words are just a means to an end, not the end itself. We use words to connect us with people, to show how our emotions align with theirs. To let them know we want to be part of the journey they are on in dealing with a loss or difficulty in their life. Words are the dots to connect our heart with the heart of another. Maybe there are other ways beyond words that connect us with each other. In last week's episode, I mentioned our friend whose 40-something daughter became very ill, and how our friend was filling in for her daughter by managing the household, helping her son-in-law, and caring for her grandkids. The weight of all that had to be done was overwhelming for our friend. Preparing meals, dealing with the ever-growing pile of laundry. All at the time she was caring for her very-sick daughter. What do I say to a friend who's feeling overwhelmed like this? My first thoughts went to one of the things mentioned in episode 148, God Never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully I resisted that thought. Then several Bible verses came to mind. Verses I know our friend was well schooled in. Verses about how God is always there for us, how God cares for us when we are struggling. She may have even memorized them. When our friend shared the bad news about her daughter I don't remember saying anything, I just listened. And gave her my handkerchief she used to dab the tears from the corner of her eyes. It was the best I could do at the moment. A helpful quote Days later I came across a quote that I sent in a text to our friend. I wrote: “Here's a quote from Seth Godin I came across the other day that reminded me of you when you feel overwhelmed with doing all that your daughter does to manage the household. Godin said, ‘I'm pretty confident that when the Titanic went down, the deck chairs were cleaned and well-ordered. It's a shame no one talked about the icebergs.'” And then I added, “Keep up the good work in keeping your priorities straight! I'm continuing to pray for your daughter.” In my thinking, the housework that was crying out for attention was her deck chairs on the Titanic. The physical and emotional needs of her daughter were the icebergs - the most important things to attend to. All analogies break down at some point, but in using the words from this quote I was trying to affirm her wisdom in caring for her daughter at the expense of the piles of laundry. It was the best I could do at the moment. Sometimes the best we can do to connect with people is to show we are thinking about them and remembering their struggles, even when we're not together. Our words are not as important as what we do. So what does all this mean for YOU? I wonder if there are people in your life going through a difficult time who would appreciate you connecting with them. And maybe doing so without words. Connect with them by showing you haven't forgotten their struggles and that you are paying for them. Here's the main takeaway I hope you remember from today's episode When people in our life are struggling, “What do I say to them?” isn't as important a question to ask as “What can I do?” I'd love to hear any thoughts you have about today's episode. Closing In closing, I hope your thinking was stimulated by today's show, to reflect and to act by letting someone you know who's struggling that you haven't forgotten them. That you are praying for them, and that they are not alone in whatever difficulty they are going through. It will bring out the best in you and go a long way in helping you experience the joy of relationships God intends for you. Because as you know by now, You Were Made for This. That's it for today. In the meantime, spread a little joy in your relationships this week. Until we meet up again next week, goodbye for now. Related episodes you may want to listen to 148: What Not to Say When Bad Things Happen to Good People 139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast? Our Sponsor You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. We depend upon the generosity of people like you to pay our bills.  If you'd like to support what we do with a secure tax-deductible donation, please click here. Thank you.

Rayna Neises, ACC, host, reflects on the topics shared during last week's interview with Debra Hallisey. She revisits the concepts around relationships that Debra shared from her book, The Caregiver's Relationship Contract. In addition, Rayna explores how to set boundaries and navigate renegotiating them. Be sure to download the free resource Rayna provides related to these topics.All relationships require boundaries.Understanding your emotions can help you see if your boundaries are as strong as they should be.Healthy boundaries ask others to respect your uniqueness, your choices, and your autonomy.When caregiving, the needs are legitimate and real, but your boundaries need to be there as well.Remember the quote from Anne Lamont, “No is a complete sentence.”When setting boundaries, say, “I want to help, and this is what I need to be able to.”Check out Debra's book to view her suggestions to better navigate these conversations.Download a FREE tip sheet at www.aseasonofcaring.com/podcastPlease help spread the word to other caregivers by visiting the podcast platform you listen to and leaving a quick review of just a couple of sentences. 

Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. Philippians 4:2 NLT   ANYTHING OR ANYONE DIFFERENT CAN BE DIFFICULT   If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:18 ESV   THREE HINDRANCES OF CONFLICT HINDERS MY CONNECTION WITH GOD …Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:7-8 NLT HINDERS MY PRAYERS In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together… Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 NLT HINDERS MY HAPPINESS So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6 NLT   HOW DO WE HAVE HEALTHY CONFRONTATION?    1. WE MUST VALUE THE PERSON   I love you and long to see you, dear friends, for you are my joy and the crown I receive for my work. Philippians 4:1 NLT   The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7   SEEING VALUE IN PEOPLE IS NOT ABOUT THEIR VALUE TO YOU, BUT THEIR VALUE TO GOD.   YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR THEM NOT AGAINST THEM!   If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. Matthew 10:14   2. YOU CAN'T SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG   Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. Philippians 4:2-3 NLT   DON'T ADDRESS IN AN EMOTIONAL STATE Again I say, don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 2 Timothy 2:23-24 NLT   GIVE ENOUGH TIME FOR EMOTIONS TO SUBSIDE, BUT NOT ENOUGH FOR ANIMOSITIES TO BUILD DON'T ADDRESS IN PUBLIC DON'T TALK ABOUT THE PERSON. TALK TO THE PERSON. If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.  James 1:26 NLT   A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don't hang around with chatterers. Proverbs 20:19 NLT   A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.  Proverbs 16:28 NLT   A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. Proverbs 11:13 NLT   Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 NLT   3. LISTEN FOR THE HURT   Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19   HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE.   THE SOLUTION ALWAYS BEGINS WITH UNDERSTANDING   For we must bear the “burden” of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others… Romans 15:2 TLB   “You cannot effectively move toward conflict resolution until each participate experiences for themselves to be fully heard with regard to their perspective-what they want and why” -Jim Melamed   Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:4-5   WHEN YOU ACTIVELY LISTEN EMOTIONS DROP AND THE TRUTH COMES OUT.   4. ADMIT YOUR PART OF THE CONFLICT   DON'T TRADE AWAY YOUR INTEGRITY FOR JUSTIFICATION   “And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye. Matthew 7:3;5   5. WE MUST FORGIVE PEOPLE   “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.”  -Anne Lamont    Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:15   UNFORGIVENESS WILL HARBOR RESENTMENT AND THAT WILL TURN INTO BITTERNESS   UNFORGIVENESS, BITTERNESS, RESENTMENT HAS NO AUTHORITY IN MY LIFE AND THE ANTIDOTE IS FORGIVENESS….   Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34   Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?' Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Matthew 18:32-35 NLT   ALTAR

Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. Philippians 4:2 NLT   ANYTHING OR ANYONE DIFFERENT CAN BE DIFFICULT   If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:18 ESV   THREE HINDRANCES OF CONFLICT HINDERS MY CONNECTION WITH GOD …Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:7-8 NLT HINDERS MY PRAYERS In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together… Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 NLT HINDERS MY HAPPINESS So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6 NLT   HOW DO WE HAVE HEALTHY CONFRONTATION?   1. WE MUST VALUE THE PERSON   I love you and long to see you, dear friends, for you are my joy and the crown I receive for my work. Philippians 4:1 NLT   The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7   SEEING VALUE IN PEOPLE IS NOT ABOUT THEIR VALUE TO YOU, BUT THEIR VALUE TO GOD.   YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR THEM NOT AGAINST THEM!   If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. Matthew 10:14   2. YOU CAN'T SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG   Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. Philippians 4:2-3 NLT   DON'T ADDRESS IN AN EMOTIONAL STATE Again I say, don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 2 Timothy 2:23-24 NLT   GIVE ENOUGH TIME FOR EMOTIONS TO SUBSIDE, BUT NOT ENOUGH FOR ANIMOSITIES TO BUILD DON'T ADDRESS IN PUBLIC DON'T TALK ABOUT THE PERSON. TALK TO THE PERSON. If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.  James 1:26 NLT   A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don't hang around with chatterers. Proverbs 20:19 NLT   A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.  Proverbs 16:28 NLT   A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. Proverbs 11:13 NLT   Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 NLT   3. LISTEN FOR THE HURT   Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19   HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE.   THE SOLUTION ALWAYS BEGINS WITH UNDERSTANDING   For we must bear the “burden” of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others… Romans 15:2 TLB   “You cannot effectively move toward conflict resolution until each participate experiences for themselves to be fully heard with regard to their perspective-what they want and why” -Jim Melamed   Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:4-5   WHEN YOU ACTIVELY LISTEN EMOTIONS DROP AND THE TRUTH COMES OUT.   4. ADMIT YOUR PART OF THE CONFLICT   DON'T TRADE AWAY YOUR INTEGRITY FOR JUSTIFICATION   “And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye. Matthew 7:3;5   5. WE MUST FORGIVE PEOPLE   “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.”  -Anne Lamont   Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:15   UNFORGIVENESS WILL HARBOR RESENTMENT AND THAT WILL TURN INTO BITTERNESS   UNFORGIVENESS, BITTERNESS, RESENTMENT HAS NO AUTHORITY IN MY LIFE AND THE ANTIDOTE IS FORGIVENESS….   Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34   Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?' Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Matthew 18:32-35 NLT   ALTAR

I recently read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont, a book of advice for writers. Although it is intended for writers, there are some really nice lessons for us music producers. This episode of the podcast is all about those lessons and how we can apply them to our music making. Listen on Apple or Stitcher or Google or Spotify; watch on YouTube Show Notes: Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont - https://amzn.to/3nJfdaZ On Writing by Stephen King - https://amzn.to/2ZgHNqK War of Art by Steven Pressfield - https://amzn.to/3r1Oubp Seth Godin on Writer's Block - https://seths.blog/2020/06/the-simple-cure-for-writers-block/ Make Bad Music Music Production Podcast #2 - https://brianfunk.com/blog/2017/3/5/2-make-bad-music "Highway Patrolman" by Bruce Springsteen - https://youtu.be/o7v1YwubWw8 Brian Funk Links: Website - https://brianfunk.com Ableton Live Pack Archive - https://brianfunk.com/blog/ableton-live-pack-archive Music Production Club - https://brianfunk.com/mpc Music Production Podcast - https://brianfunk.com/podcast Save 25% on Ableton Live Packs at my store with the code: PODCAST - https://brianfunk.com/store Thank you for listening.  Please review the Music Production Podcast on your favorite podcast provider! And don't forget to visit my site https://BrianFunk.com for music production tutorials, videos, and sound packs. Brian Funk Watch the Music Production Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLk4jo7_Rx2-2mjUoTXTL4u0iUH5_XqBYi

Sarah's Story: Finding my voice. My twenties were categorized as driven and successful. My resume boasted of working for influential organizations. I was a popular communicator traveling across the globe to speak to students. And I became an author at the young age of 27. But then, I turned 30, had kids, faced some rejection and was felt like I had peaked in life. Where the twenties were driven with confidence, my thirties felt like a lonely space. Having accomplished so much in life to that point, I wondered if this was it. I felt like there was a formula to life, a certainty to things. But my thirties proved that life was more uncertain than I had believed. In those years, I longed to communicate with women again. I longed to connect with others through conversation. In October of 2015, the podcast, Surviving Sarah, was born. It was to be a place where I could use my voice again to help other women know they aren't alone. It was a place where I could help women survive right where they are—in their life, their relationships, their work and their faith. After years of living and learning, I wrote a new book about how motherhood has raised me. A Mother's Guide to Raising Herself: What Parenting Taught Me About Life, Faith and Myself is a guide that captures that journey of realizing that as I was parenting my girls, I was actually parenting myself. Now, my forties are categorized as a different confidence—a confidence in the journey of discovering who I am and stepping confidently into that person. It's a journey defined by curiosity and surrendering to the uncertainty of it all. And as Anne Lamont says, “The opposite of faith is not doubt, it's certainty.” By embracing the uncertainty with curiosity, my faith has been reconstructed. Related Links: WEBSITE: sarahbragg.com INSTAGRAM: @sarahbragg FACEBOOK: @SURVIVINGSARAHPODCAST

Hello everyone. I'm so glad you've joined us today for the start of Season Six. We begin with Episode no. 121, “Experience the Relational Energy of Fall.” I don't know about you, but I find renewed motivation right after Labor Day in the US when school buses take to the road again. Cooler days with earlier sunsets reinvigorates my energy level to notice all the goodness life has to offer, especially when it comes to relationships. I don't fully understand why this happens in the fall. But it just does. It can do the same for you, too. To show how, I share three examples of renewed relational energy in today's program. Asking others to care I'll start with a post on CaringBridge from my friend David. He is on a waitlist for a liver transplant. David writes: Today I received a call from someone who had a liver transplant 10 years ago at age 62. It was very encouraging to talk to someone who's been through the process. I was able to talk about my fears and ask about the process. He got The Call 3 times! He said the first two were like trial runs. The third call was the charm. The trial runs made it easier for the real deal. He gave me details of the waiting time, recovery time, & life after transplant. The best piece of information he had was to find something that I'm passionate about doing so that I always have a reason to get up in the morning. There is a mentor program with meetings that usually go on in the transplant department at the hospital, but it's all been put on hold since the pandemic. My doctors asked him to call me. I have a little bit of renewed outlook toward getting a liver. It was very encouraging. Feel the relational energy I found David's post energizing on several levels, the first is from the liver transplant survivor, who at age 72 extended himself to a complete stranger to call David and encourage him with what he experienced ten years ago going down the same path Dave is on now. How encouraging to know there are people out there like this man willing to give people hope when hope is in short supply. It's energizing to me to think that sharing how I navigated through some of the difficulties in my life is something God can use to give people hope. Even when I'm older, like this 72-year-old liver transplant survivor. He can do the same for you, too. The second part of David's post I found energizing is his little sentence, “My doctors asked him to call me.” Him being the liver recipient from 10 years ago. We've talked before about the important role remembering plays in relationships, and here are doctors who remembered a patient from a decade ago, and how that patient might be an encouragement to my friend David. Then they acted and asked this guy for help in caring for one of their current patients. They didn't ask for medical help, they asked for emotional help. What a caring thing for these doctors to do. It energizes me to think that one way I can care for people is to ask others to connect with those I care about, to share their expertise and experience in ways that give people hope. I don't have to do it all myself. I can ask others for help, just like these doctors did. And just like you can, too. Relational energy during a time of loss A second example of the relational energy that fall brings comes from my friend Randy in Pittsburgh. You've heard me mention him before. He recently sent me the following text: John, Letting you and Janet know that we had Juno [their dog] put to sleep today. Don't know if you saw the post on FB. The vet at the ER today diagnosed him as likely having a cancerous tumor on his spine which explains his struggles walking and pain in general over the last 6 weeks. While we weren't ready or considered this as an option until today, it was the best decision. Molly was able to join us virtually as I held Juno when the vet administered the drug. One of the most caring parts of it all is that the Vet was crying after Juno was gone. She cared for us all. Randy Janet and I are were well-acquainted with Juno, and we certainly mourn with Randy and his family over this loss. We talked recently about the idea of a podcast episode about our relationship with our pets. More to come on that down the road. Recognizing someone else's pain For today, though, I was energized in thinking about the vet who administered the drug that ended Juno's life. She cried. It energized me to know of someone who so recognized the pain of someone else, and who entered into that pain so deeply that it caused tears to flow. The vet knew in her mind this was the best option for the family pet, but her heart told her there was going to be emotional pain in doing the right thing. Isn't that so true of other areas of life? For you and me both. And I loved how Randy put it, that the vet “cared for us all.” She cared for the physical needs of Juno, their dog, and she cared emotionally for Randy and his family with her tears. You don't learn to do that in veterinary school. There's something quite powerful in knowing that someone else on the planet knows in their heart when our heart is breaking. From Randy's story, I realize I can be like the veterinarian he described. I can care for people when I imagine in my heart what they must be dealing with in theirs. And then feel what they are feeling. Knowing at the same time I'm not responsible for making their pain or problems go away. This energizes me, and I hope it does the same for you. A chance encounter at Office Depot My last story of renewed relational energy happened when I stopped in at our local office supply store, Office Depot. In checking out with my purchase the cashier commented, “I see your last name is Certalic. By any chance are you related to Jennifer Certalic?” “Yes, I said. She's my daughter.” Her eyes lit up and said, “We went to high school together! Please say ‘hi' to Jennifer from me. What is she doing now?“ I filled her in on where life has taken our daughter the past 3 decades, and how she is no longer a Certalic, having gotten married and given birth to our grandson, Nathan. “And how are you doing these days?,” I asked after paying for my purchase. “Oh, I'm doing Okay,” She said rather haltingly. Then placing her hand just below her throat while collecting her thoughts, she clarified her response with a downcast look and, “Well, actually, not so well.” “Really?,” I responded. With her eyes tearing up Stacey (not her real name) disclosed, “My husband told me he wants a separation, and I know it's heading to divorce, and it's tearing me apart inside.” Each tear that fell down her face served to punctuate each pain-filled sentence. “I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't see the kids. And I don't know how I'm going to pay the rent on my own,” she said. How to respond? Whew. I felt completely helpless. I wanted to do something. Fortunately, the store wasn't too busy, but I'm thinking what if her manager walks by and sees what's going on. I needed an emotional bandage to give her, but I didn't have one. It was really awkward. This would have been a great time for me to say that great Anne Lamont prayer, the real short one, “Help!” Help me God to help her.” But I didn't think to do this. Instead, my relational muscle memory kicked in, whispering, “Hey pal, this isn't about you and your discomfort over her sadness and fear. It's about her. Imagine how awkward SHE feels. Her pain isn't yours to heal or fix.” And with that I said, “Oh Stacey, I'm so sorry.” “Please pray for me, “ she whispered. “Certainly, I will pray for you. I am so sorry you're having to deal with this.” “Thank you. Please pray for me.” I said I would. It seemed we both repeated ourselves several times. Feeling helpless I felt so helpless. I wanted to say more. Do more. Make the pain go away. It seemed so insensitive to just say goodbye so the next customer could check out. I have prayed for her numerous times since, and wonder how she's doing. I know that when I've shared the pain I'm experiencing it really helps to simply know someone else knows what's going on within me. Like Randy's vet who put his dog down. She knew. Maybe that's enough, to let someone know with your words and body language that you know they are hurting and wishing you could do something to help, knowing you can't. Except to pray for them, asking God to comfort them, and show his goodness in the midst of their problem. Maybe that's enough. To my way of thinking the best we can do in moments like this is to remember who WE are, and then BE who we are. Not Do, but BE. Remember we are all created in the image of God and on our good days, we share many of his characteristics. So display those to people. Extend compassion, because that is what God does. Be kind, because God is kind. Think about others and what they must be going through because that is what God does. This is the relational energy I found from this chance meeting at Office Depot. It's not that hard to be what God created us to be when we ask for his help to be like Him for people. He does the work; it's all about Him, not about us. Here's the main point I hope you remember from today's episode You can experience renewed relational energy this fall when you notice people caring well for each other. It's a reminder that as an image-bearer of God, you were made to do the same thing yourself. I'd love to hear any thoughts you have about today's episode. Just send them to me in an email to john [at] caringforothers [dot] org. Or you can share your thoughts in the “Leave a Reply” box at the bottom of the show notes. Related episodes you may want to listen to If you're interested in hearing another example of relational energy that comes from people caring deeply for each other, you would do well to listen to episodes 8 and 9. It's an interview I did with a widowed man whose daughter and second wife did something unusual to care for him in a most profound way. They're two of my all-time favorite episodes. I'll have links to them in the show notes. 008: How a Wife and Her Daughter Brought Healing 009: Shadows Connect Us with Each Other 120: The Best Relationship Advice From This Summer Closing In closing, if you found this podcast helpful, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts if you haven't already done so. I hope your thinking was stimulated by today's show, to both reflect and to be relationally energized this fall. So that you will find the joy God intends for you through your relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This. Well, that's all for today. I look forward to connecting with you again next. Goodbye for now. You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. We depend upon the generosity of donors to pay our bills.  If you'd like to support what we do with a secure tax-deductible donation, please click here. We'd be so grateful if you did.

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 120, “The Best Relationship Advice From This Summer.” Did summer go by too quickly for you? It did for me. “Summer deserves a speeding ticket,” as someone once said. Another author commented, “A fallen leaf is nothing more than a summer's wave goodbye.” Before we wave goodbye to summer, and to season 5 of this podcast, I want to share the best relationship advice I came across this past summer. Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young It comes from Sarah Young's devotional book, Jesus Calling. For each day of the year, Young shares her application of two or three Bible verses to encourage people with the hope found in scripture. There are lots of books like this. But what makes her book unique is that it's written in the first-person narrative as if Jesus himself was speaking directly to the reader. I find it quite intimate and personal. Young's entry for August 3rd contains for me, the best relationship advice of this past summer. It's just two paragraphs that I'll start reading, making a few observations as we go. August 3rd entry Picture Jesus calling to you with these words: WATCH YOUR WORDS DILIGENTLY. Words have such great power to bless or to wound. When you speak carelessly or negatively, you damage others as well as yourself. My first observation is that it's interesting to think we damage ourselves when we're negative or careless with our words. In doing so, we move away from the best version of ourself. For the best version of ourself is cautious about the harm we can do to someone. There are times when it is appropriate to deal with the negative in another person, but to do it positively, and carefully. Like a parent correcting a child. Like a friend who shares something negative they observe in you, but who does it in a kind and gentle way to help you become more the person God created you to be. Sarah Young goes on to write, speaking as Jesus, The ability to verbalize is an awesome privilege, granted only to those I created in my image. You need help in wielding this mighty power responsibly. Humans are the only creatures who can bless - or wound - with our words. We're the only ones with language. It's one of the things that makes us human. And we certainly do need help in handling this power we've been give to bless or wound people. Communicate differently from the rest of the world She continues, Though the world applauds quick-witted retorts, My instructions about communication are quite different: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. “ So many comedy TV shows are filled with quick, sarcastic retorts. It's hard to follow sometimes. I picture writers for these TV shows in meetings all clamoring to get their sarcastic one-liner responses into the scripts, and so they add one after the other after the other. But that's not how we talk. It's not how we live. The reference to "be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" is one of my favorites in the Bible. I conduct workshops on this passage from James 1:19, suggesting 5 principles of being quick to listen, and another 5 for what it means to be slow to speak. We'll talk about these in future episodes. I've said this before, but what passes for communication skills in our culture today, is almost always about how and what to speak. Precious little on how to listen. The best one-word prayer: Help! Back to Jesus talking to us: Ask MY Spirit to help you whenever you speak. I have trained you to pray - “Help me, Holy Spirit” - before answering the phone, and you have seen the benefits of this discipline. This so reminds me of Anne Lamont's book about prayer, Help, Thanks, Wow. Help is the most basic of prayers. Sarah Young goes on to say, Simply apply the same discipline to communicating with people around you. If they are silent, pray before speaking to them. If they are talking, pray before responding. These are split-second prayers, but they put you in touch with My Presence. In this way, your speaking comes under the control of My Spirit. What a great way of relating to others, and to Jesus. Asking Him to direct your thoughts and words in relating to others. In meeting with people as my wife and I do, and hearing their struggles, it's often a matter of asking God for help in knowing how to respond. And it certainly is split second. Split nano-second to be sure. The author concludes with, As positive speech patterns replace your negative one, the increase in your Joy will amaze you. Supporting verses from the Bible She then lists the James 1:19 verse about being quick to listen and slow to speak, followed by Proverbs 12:18, which says, “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” And then Ephesians 4:29, “Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” For me, I find all of this the best relationship advice there is from this past summer. I'll read Sarah Young's two-paragraph entry from August 3rd again, without commentary from me so you can soak it all in. The Best Relationship Advice from this past summer WATCH YOUR WORDS DILIGENTLY. Words have such great power to bless or to wound. When you speak carelessly or negatively, you damage others as well as yourself. The ability to verbalize is an awesome privilege, granted only to those I created in my image. You need help in wielding this mighty power responsibly. Though the world applauds quick-witted retorts, My instructions about communication are quite different: Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Ask MY Spirit to help you whenever you speak. I have trained you to pray - “Help me, Holy Spirit” - before answering the phone, and you have seen the benefits of this discipline. Simply apply the same discipline to communicating with people around you. If they are silent, pray before speaking to them. If they are talking, pray before responding. These are split-second prayers, but they put you in touch with My Presence. In this way, your speaking comes under the control of my Spirit. As positive speech patterns replace your negative one, the increase in your Joy will amaze you. Here's the main point I hope you remember from today's episode Let's all of us wave back to summer by applying Sarah Young's best relationship advice. Namely, pray, “Help me, Holy Spirit” before I talk to the silent people in my life, as well as before I respond to those who so readily talk. I'd love to hear any thoughts you have about today's episode. Closing In closing, if you found this podcast helpful, please follow us wherever you get your podcasts, if you haven't already done so. I hope your thinking was stimulated by today's show, to both reflect and to act by asking for God's help through his spirit before you talk to people. This will help you find the joy God intends for you through your relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This. Well, that's all for today. I look forward to connecting with you again next week, and the start of season six of You Were Made for This. Until then, goodbye for now. Related episodes you may want to listen to: 065 End with this Important Question 088 Thank You for Asking 112 Two Ways to Listen Well in 2021 You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. We depend upon the generosity of donors to pay our bills.  If you'd like to support what we do with a secure tax-deductible donation, please click here. We'd be so grateful if you did.

In Episode 44, we threw it back to the end of Season 1 with host interviews! So much has changed since we first launched the pod and we thought it would be good to check back in. This week, Ashley was in the hot seat and we chatted all about her publishing experience (yay agent & book deal!!), writing process, and why thinking is writing too.  Life Hack: Mojo In Our Words:  Ashley: Before and After the Book Deal by Courtney Maum, On Writing by Stephen King, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont, Follow @ericsmithrocks on Twitter (lots of good publishing content), Print Run (podcast) Gabrielle: Neon Literary Substack, Agents and Books Substack Music/Songs:  Ashley: “The story of two lovers, I was your treasure and you were mine.” Gold by Jake Isaac ft. India Arie Gabrielle: “Will you be mine, beginning, my middle, my end?” —Beginning Middle End by Leah Nobel Ashley’s Agent & Pitching Tracker Remember to rate, like, and subscribe to this podcast. Tell a friend about EightyTwo NinetySix and join the conversation on social media @eighty2ninety6 or with #eightytwoninetysix.

How do I forgive? Matthew 6:14-15  //  For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Luke 22:32-33  //  Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with [Jesus] to be executed. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” How do I forgive like Jesus? Pray for those who hurt you. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Luke 6:28 NLT  //  Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. Matthew 5:43-44  //  You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Your prayers may not change them, but it will always change you. Colossians 3:13  //  ...Forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Forgiveness will not change the past, but it can change the future. “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” – Anne Lamont

Cultivating curiosity will eventually lead you to compassion. Although today’s guest, Craig Constantine, describes himself as just a regular guy, he is an absolute jewel, and he has a myriad of different projects on the go. Vivian was fascinated by his project on cultivating curiosity, and then that leading to compassion, so she spoke to him about it. Today, we offer their conversation to you, the listener, as a gift from us.  Life is constantly changing. Along the way, Craig came to realize that compassion was like a doorway that he had always passed by without ever bothering to look at it. In this episode, he talks to us about his journey, and he explains how he discovered compassion and began to change. Join Vivian today to hear her sincere and heartfelt conversation with Craig about compassion and find out how being curious can help you to find compassion within yourself.  Show highlights: Craig shares his background.  How Craig discovered compassion. What prompted Craig to change his default stance on his perspective of life. The importance of having good role models. Craig discusses his tipping point for change. The kind of support that Craig received when he began changing. Craig talks about the things that boys are missing out on today. Craig explains what parkour is all about. How Craig dealt with the uncertainty and chaos around who he was. The importance of being curious about everything. Why Craig encourages everyone to keep a journal. Cultivating your curiosity. Serving with compassion and empathy. Using humor with compassion. Craig discusses what it takes to be a great listener and what constitutes a good conversation. Craig talks about perspective. Using the notion of novelty to help you move through shifts. The power of the human voice and listening without looking. Links and resources: Craig Constantine's website PARKOUR & THE ART DU DÉPLACEMENT: Movement of Three We need laughter in our lives. Laughter is carbonated holiness. It’s like the cavalry arriving to help us get our sense of humor back. Anne Lamont https://breakingthejump.julieangel.com/ https://www.podchaser.com/

Lynette Goddard is Professor of Black Theatre and Performance at Royal Holloway, University of London. Their research and teaching is focused in the area of the politics of contemporary Black British theatre and performance, including work on new writing by Black playwrights and contemporary Black productions of canonical plays.   In this episode of the podcast Lynette reflects on the experience of undertaking a PhD whilst also working and how the pattern of writing that was developed during that period has proved productive throughout the progression of their career.   We then talk about the Phenomenal Women project which Lynette was part of.  This was commissioned by Dr Nicola Rollock and grew out of her research work into the experience of black female academics.  You can find out more here: https://nicolarollock.com/black-female-profs.  The exhibition is documented here: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/art-exhibitions/phenomenal-women   We talk about finding mentors within the academy and Lynette references authors that have been inspirational.  These include: bell hooks Audre Lourde Patricia Hill Collins Andrea Davis   Lynette encourages PhD students not to be afraid to look outside their discipline - and even outside the academy - to find a community that will support their work.   Lynette also emphasizes the importance of finding your “why” and using your sense of the legacy you will leave as a motivational force within the PhD process.   A ‘top tip' book from Lynette is to work ‘bird by bird' as outlined in the book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont. The advice is to set time aside to write and trust that the creativity will be there and your work will develop.  Lynette also advises not to judge your work but just to commit to the writing.  

In this episode we are going to talk about how much our inability to say no and manage our personal time effects our lives in education. In our society we have a huge people pleasing problem. So much of our identity is tied up in how other people think about us. The most crazy part of this is a majority of the time it is just our thoughts about what we think the other people in our lives are thinking about us. If there is even a possibility of another person thinking that we weren't amazing we form an instant story in our head about what that means. They are going to be upset, disappointed, let down, and on and on. This drives us to lead such stressed and over scheduled lives that it is killing us at every turn. We have practically zero margin and the margin we do have we are so mentally, physically, and emotionally drained that using the margin to enjoy life and enhance others is not even a possibility. We just vegetate, watch tv, and sleep to try and recoup. What if we actually just learned to say “no?” Just no, not no with a bunch of strings attached and guilt and stress later. Just no. and being okay with it. What if when people tell us no we are actually okay with it and we totally understand instead of pressuring them. Anne Lamont said, “no is a complete sentence.” So awesome and profound. We really don't have to justify our answers or feel bad for making a great decision. See when we feel the need to justify it is because we have done something we feel is out of alignment with our values. If this is you then you need some thought work about why you are actually doing the things you are doing. As much as we want to please people all the time we really need to take a step back and understand the demands on our time in order to make more informed decisions in our lives! Agreeing to everything in order to try and look good and then doing a poor job with a task or project makes you look worse than you did in the beginning. I am a big fan of the principle of “unless it is a heck yes, then everything is a no until further review.” If the individual asking is not okay with the further review then the answer is going to be no. We need to be prepared and okay giving this response. This does not make you a lesser person, I promise! If the demands on your time seem endless then come work with me and I can help you straighten out those thoughts and free up the margin you desire! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 50 where today we consider three reasons for why relationships are worth the work they take to grow and maintain. Before we get into this, I know some of our listeners aren’t aware of my private email list I use to send a brief email every Wednesday. It’s my Every Wednesday email that offers an insight, thought, or tip to find more joy in your relationships. To get access to my Every Wednesday email, just go to johncertalic.com/podcast, and fill in the blue and while form you’ll see on the page. Back now to the topic for today’s show. Do you ever wonder if relationship are worth it? Even in the best of circumstances, they can be a lot of work. Misunderstandings. Unmet expectations. Communication breakdowns. Hurts, etc. Are relationships worth the work they take? In last week’s episode, "Sacrifice in Relationships," We saw in Romans 12 of the New Testament the apostle Paul speaking of how relationships require sacrifice for them to work. To sacrifice means we have to give up something. And it has to be something important. It’s not like a veagn or vegetarian giving up pork chops for Lent. That’s not a sacrifice at all. To sacrifice in our relationships means saying no to our natural inclinations. In the 21 verses of Romans 12, 8 of them are directives to “do not.” All 8 of them are what we naturally gravitate toward in our relationships. Is it worth the effort to counter these proclivities of ours? Listen in today where we look at 3 reasons why relationships are worth the the effort to make them the best they can be. I start with the premise that we are all made for relationships. We were made for this. Given this fact, relationships are worth the hard work they require because first of all, We were made to have a personal relationship with God so we can reflect his image and character. There’s a wonderful relationship with the Trinity. Father, son, and Holy Spirit. We have the distinct privilege of reflecting the image of God, which is steeped in relationship. Relationships reflect the character of God. God wants a personal relationship with us. This is the very first thing I learned about God when, as a 19-year-old college freshman, Carol our executive producer told me about him. I talk about this in episode 21, “The Most Important Relationship of All.” I also mention it in chapter 7 of my book, THEM. If God values relationships with human beings this much, maybe I would be wise to do the same. Among other things, we learn in our relationship with God that he is all about truth. He’s all about forgiveness, grace, and justice. He’s all about love, kindness and compassion, and so many other qualities. We have the privilege of reflecting these and other characteristics of God to people. When we give people a picture of who God is by how we relate to them, it certainly pleases God, just as Romans 12:1 states. Secondly, We were made for our relationships to impact the world for good Relationships are how we leave our mark on the world. Go to most funerals and what’s talked about concerning the deceased is the mark they left on their relationships with people. Carol’s 97 year-old mother, Emma, died recently and the funeral took place yesterday, the day before this recording. Gray harried 80-something’s of the ladies guild sang a song in tribute to Emma. The tone of voice of the lady who introduced the song spoke volumes of the depth of the relationship. Emily, one of the granddaughters, spoke of her love for her grandmother, and how she taught her how to knit a wash cloth. Pastor described her as “my friend Emma.” He always knew where he stood with her. If I were still teaching, I would take kids on a field trip to funerals. I’d have them listen to the relationship stories shared. Then we’d talk about them, back in the classroom. What did those stories tell you about that person? What qualities of the deceased were admired? What was not said? What about the funerals where little or nothing was said about the relationships of the deceased? What do you want said about YOU at your funeral? What are you doing now as a 7 or 17-year old to build relationships with people? What are you doing to impact the world for good through your relationships? Thirdly, We were made for our relationships to grow us human beings created in God’s image Our relationships is an important tool God uses to complete the good work he started within us, as mentioned in Philippians 1:6 (he who began a good work in you will complete it…) Our relationships bring out the best in us, especially when we bring out the best in others. We learn about ourselves through our relationships. We learn about our self-centerdness in relationships. We learn how to be more loving and compassionate in our relationships. We learn how to both extend, and receive, grace through our relationships. EXAMPLE: A staff member took a candid photo of Janet’s mom at the memory care facility where she lives. It shows Elda feeding her table mate, though she can barely feed herself There is something deep down in her character that caused her to help someone. Alzheimer’s has robbed her of much, but not this relational quality. Here’s what I learned today. Here’s what struck me Life-giving, fulfilling relationships don’t happen by accident. They take work, it takes changing our natural inclination in how we relate to live counter - intuitively. It takes doing the opposite of all the 8 don’t’s Paul talks about in Romans 12. And they take time. Lots of time…. But it’s worth the work. And it the work that only God can do through us. We need his strength and power to make our relationships the best they can be. If you forget everything else, here’s the one thought, the one idea, I hope you remember from today’s episode. Our show in a sentence. In spite of their difficulty at times, relationships are worth the effort, because we were made for this. It’s who we are. Without relationships we live a narrow, self-centered life, where we never grow as a person. With them, we have the potential to impact the world for good, one relationship at a time. Here’s what you can do in response to today’s show. Think about one relationship in your life that needs some improvement. Ask God to show you how you could make that relationship just 1% better today. Ask him for the power to do, so it reflect more on him that you. Closing I hope your thinking was stimulated by today’s show, to both reflect and to act. So that you will find the joy God intends for you through your various relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This. Now for Our Relationship Quote of the Week To have a few amazing friends on this side of eternity, this sometimes grotesque amusement park is the greatest joy. We cannot depend solely on our spouses to dump on, to share our intimate thoughts with or reveal our deepest truths to. Trust me, they have been through enough with us. Our yokes are heavy.                                   ~ Anne Lamont, Almost Everything - Notes on Hope, p. 57 That’s all for today. See you next week. Bye for now.

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Bridge that Love Built Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       The Art of Parenting: Relationships (Day 1 of 3)  Bob: All of us, as parents, want our children to be able to form healthy relationships as they grow up. Dennis Rainey says, for that to happen, moms and dads need to know how to skillfully pursue a strong relationship with each of their children. Dennis: First Corinthians 13 says, if you've missed love, you've missed life; so these little children that you're raising, who will become big people, have to be trained in the basics of love. That begins with us as parents. You and I, as parents, are God's physical arms of love to these little people to tutor them in what love truly means. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, December 5th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Don't assume that your children are going to be naturally good at forming strong, healthy relationships; that's a bad assumption. They need your help to know how to develop those kinds of skills.  1:00 We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. You know, when I think back on all of the things that Mary Ann and I thought about—in terms of “These are things we need to make sure we teach our children,”—I don't know that it ever dawned on us that one of the things we needed to teach our children was how to be good at relationships. I don't know that that was ever a conscious thought—that teaching them how to be good at relationships was something we would need to do. I guess we just thought: “Well, that just happens,”—right?—“You grow up, and you're good at relationships.” Dennis: Right. And you're supposed to know how to do it naturally; right? I want to ask my bride, Barbara—we just celebrated our 46 years of marriage,— 2:00 Bob: Congratulations, by the way. Barbara: Thank you, sir. Dennis: —and we had six kids that are all married now: “Go back to the beginning. Did you and I ever have a conscious—we probably had some, when we were unconscious, raising kids—[Laughter]—Did we ever have a conscious thought about training our kids to love others?” Barbara: Not early on, but I remember having conscious thoughts about it when sibling rivalry was at its peak; because then I'm thinking, “Oh my; I have to teach these kids how to relate to each other.” Bob: —“how not to kill each other.” Barbara: Yes; so it was defensive. Bob: I do remember that—that you have to teach them how to get along with one another and, maybe, how to get along with kids on the playground. But again, the whole idea that relationship training is a part of a parent's responsibility—I think that's one of the big ideas I think you guys have captured in your book, The Art of Parenting. It's what we're going to spend time talking about on today's program. Dennis: You know, you never know, Bob, who's listening to the broadcast. I had a young lady come up to me in Boulder, Colorado, this past summer— 3:00 she said: “I grew up in Southern California. In the backseat of our car, as my mom would be driving me to school, I'd be listening to FamilyLife Today.” [Laughter] She said, “I listened to it for years—all the way through elementary school, junior high, high school. Then I kind of left the faith.” She said: “I went to Stanford, and I kind of lost my way; but graduated—came out the other side—and was listening to FamilyLife Today again when it got my attention. It was like, ‘I need to come back to what I had heard.'” She said: “I'm not married. I have a couple of kids. All that training—all that training I heard—as a little girl, growing up—is now paying off for me, as a mom. I just want to say, ‘Thank you to FamilyLife Today for doing what you do.'” Bob: Well, you know who we need to say, “Thank you,” to— Dennis: I do! Bob: —the people, who have made this program possible over the years. Dennis: That's what I want to say to our listeners right now: “Would you make this broadcast possible to another little girl like that?”—  4:00 —“maybe to their mom and dad,—maybe to a couple, who are engaged, who need to go to a Weekend to Remember®,” You've heard about it here, so you know how to get them there; but to do that, we need folks, like you, standing with us, financially, with generous gifts, here at yearend. Over 40 percent of our donations come in in the next 30 days, and those 30 days make the other 11 months possible.  Bob: Yes; that's right. Dennis: Would you stand with us? I'm serious. I've been doing this now for 27 years, and none of your money is sticking to my fingers—trust me. It's all going in to provide help and hope—biblical help and hope—for marriages and families, all across the country, and around the world. Bob: Well, and here's why right now is a really good time for you to make a yearend donation. We have some friends of the ministry, who have come along, and offered to match every donation that we receive, as a ministry, between now and the end of the year, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. You make a $50 donation; we get $50 from the matching fund.  5:00 You make a $100 donation; we get $100. We're hoping to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. That's why we're asking you, as a listener, to be as generous as you can possibly be, here at yearend, and help us head into 2019 fully ready to take on the challenges that are in front of us, as a ministry. If you can help with a donation right now, we'd like to say, “Thank you,” by sending you a gift. Several months ago, FamilyLife® had our first feature film—a movie called Like Arrows in movie theaters. That movie is not yet available for purchase on DVD, but we have a limited supply of the DVDs that we're making available to those of you who make a yearend donation. Again, it's our thank-you gift when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Again, we appreciate your support of this ministry and your partnership with us, here, on FamilyLife Today. 6:00 Now, we're talking about big ideas in parenting. This idea of helping your child know how to do relationships—this is key for parents to get their heads around. Dennis: It's one of four big ideas that we want to challenge parents with. What I compare these four with is reading, writing, and arithmetic to education. Those are the basics; those are the fundamentals. If you know how to do reading, writing, arithmetic, you can be fairly well-educated. Well, in raising kids, there are four biblical issues/big biblical issues. What I want to encourage—what Barbara and I want to challenge parents to do is establish the target. Know what you're aiming for; you might just hit it. So the reading, writing, and arithmetic of parenting are these four.  Where we're going to start today—relationships—Bob has already talked about that.  7:00 Second one—character—this is helping your kid be wise and not a fool: choosing right and not wrong, not destroying his or her life.  Third area is identity—spiritual identity: we're made in God's image; sexual identity: “Male and female created He them.” You're helping your kids determine: “What does it mean to be a boy?” “What does it mean to be a girl?” and “What are the distinctives there?” Number four—mission—teach your child he was made for a mission. Psalm 127, verses 3 through 5, says children are a blessing—they're a reward; they're a heritage—but they are also “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior…” You, as a parent—and we'll talk more about this when we talk about mission later—you, as a parent, are compared to a warrior.  8:00 And if you've never felt that in this culture, you've had your head in the sand; because you are battling for the next generation. Your children/your arrows are in your hand. How are you going to help them head to the right goal in the midst of so many confusing targets that are being thrown at them? Bob: I preached a sermon at our church recently. I said, “We tend to think of the big story of the Bible around the four themes of creation, and fall, and redemption, and then consummation.” People have heard those categories before; but I said: “What's common in all four of those periods—creation, fall, redemption, and consummation—what's common is the big idea of relationship.  “In creation, we were related in perfect harmony with God and with each other. In the fall, our relationship with God was broken; and our relationship with each other was messed up. In redemption, what was broken is put back together and repaired; and so we begin to re-cultivate a relationship with God and with one another.  9:00 “And in consummation, it's a perfectly-restored relationship that lasts for eternity.” The idea of healthy, relational functioning—the idea of the fact that we have good relationships is central to God's design for humanity.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: I want to talk about relationships, and I want to use an illustration to do it. A Christian leader, that will remain unnamed, had just completed a 14-city book tour. He was on his way back home when he found a note that he was to have lunch with a person, who had won the bidding contest for having lunch with him after the tour was over. But he wasn't surprised at all that somebody had spend $500 in the bidding contest for lunch with him.  10:00 What surprised him most was that the person, who won the bidding, was his daughter. She wanted to have lunch with Daddy—she wanted a relationship with him. I think we forget our children were made for relationship. As Bob said earlier, they were made to be trained how to do this right.  If you think about the great commandment—when Jesus was asked, “What's the greatest of all the commandments?” what did He say? “Love God; love others,”—it's all about love. You go over to the Book of 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13 and what did Paul say?—he said: “If I speak with the tongues of men and angels but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith so as to remove mountains but have not love”—listen to these words/three words—“I am nothing.” 11:00 First Corinthians 13 says, if you've missed love, you've missed life; so these little children that you're raising, who will become big people, have to be trained in the basics of love. That begins with us, as parents. You and I, as parents, are God's physical arms of love to these little people to tutor them in what love truly means. Bob: And Barbara, our kids are not naturally good at relationships any more than we are naturally good at relationships; because when we rebel against God—when we reject Him and say, “I'll be my own authority,”—that puts all of our relationships out of whack. Ultimately, for us to have healthy relationships, we have to have our relationship with God realigned. But as we raise the next generation, we just need to recognize our kids are not going to naturally and instinctively be good at loving one another; right? 12:00 Barbara: Yes; and I think that's one of the things that was so hard for me, as a mom, is that I expected more of my children than they were capable of giving. I think that's true, universally, because it would be so much easier for me, as a mom, if they would get it sooner and become mature quicker. But children are children, and it takes time for them to learn these lessons over and over again; because they're born selfish, just like we are. That training and teaching them: how to have a good relationship, how to ask for forgiveness, how to apologize when they've made mistakes, how to restore the relationship—that is the kind of teaching that has to be repeated over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.  It wears us out, as parents; but it is the goal—is teaching them how to have good relationships and realizing that it takes the entire 18 years that they're in your home for them to develop the kind of competence in relationships that will serve them well as they become adults. 13:00 Bob: The starting place for all of this with your kids—and this is one of the things you say in the book I think is so helpful—our kids need a healthy, loving, strong, connected relationship with us. Dennis: Yes; yes. Barbara: Right. Bob: That creates in them an awareness of what strong relationships are all about—a thirst for those kinds of relationships to be a part of their life. This is where, in the early years, moms and dads need to be focusing on building the kind of relationship with their kids that their kids—well, they want to spend $500 to have lunch with Daddy; because they crave that relationship. Dennis: And in the book, we compare loving your child to building a bridge. Now, think about a bridge for a moment. A bridge is something that is built across obstacles—it may be a river, it may be a canyon, could be a forest— 14:00 —but a bridge connects two different sections of land to each other so that traffic can go back and forth. With parents, you are given the assignment by God to, first of all, build the lanes across the bridge to your child's heart; okay? The way you do that—we have three ways/three lanes that you build. Number one: You love your child unconditionally. Number two: You pursue your child. Number three: You make forgiveness a part of your family's DNA. Let me tell you something—if this bridge goes up, and it doesn't have the third lane, the first and second are going to be crossed out by people disappointing each other. What you're doing, as a parent, is—you're training your kids to know how to love an imperfect person. Bob: And these three lanes—unconditional love, pursuit, and then forgiveness—these are lanes that you may establish early, but there are roadblocks that go up all during adolescence/pre-adolescence.  15:00 We have to keep those lanes clear, because they can get clogged over time; can't they? Barbara: Yes. And this is where parents have to be parents—they have to be mature; they have to be the wiser one and not drop down to your child's level. Really, what we're doing, as moms and dads, is—we're modeling God's love. We're showing our kids what God's love looks like. Dennis: And I'll tell you—here's the surprise in all of this. This is very simple. I thought, at the beginning, God gave us six kids to raise them. He, in essence, gave us six kids to help us grow up and learn how to love truly—a truly Agape love that loves another person, despite their attitude/their behavior. I want to tell you—when they were teenagers, they would mud-wrestle. They'd try to get you in the mud-hole with them and mud-wrestle with emotions. What you have to do is love them enough not to get in the mud-hole. 16:00 Bob: Yes; and here's the key takeaway, I think, here in the area of unconditional love: When your children experience consequences/when they experience discipline for bad decisions—and they're going to; they're going to have to be disciplined; they're going to have to get some time-outs or some privileges taken away—but what they should never experience in that is any sense that their relationship with you— Dennis: Yes; the bridge can't go down. Bob: —has been threatened at all. Barbara: Yes; yes. Bob: They have to be able to go to bed at night, going, “Okay; I got what I deserved, but Mom and Dad still love me.” Barbara: Yes; that's exactly right. Bob: Yes. Dennis: And that's where the pursuit of the child comes in. Pursuing them when they want to talk is not always going to be convenient, but you go to their room. If you have one of those moments, you pursue them and you just build that bridge. You just pursue them and let them know—and then you praise them, believe in them, especially if they're filled with self-doubt. 17:00 And by the way, most teenage boys and girls are filled with all kinds of self-doubt. They need Mom and Dad to fiercely, fiercely believe in them— Barbara: Agreed. Dennis: —and to keep expressing those words. Bob: You guys were hugely busy with what was going on in the ministry as you were raising your kids. You had six kids. I'm thinking: “One-on-one interaction with each of the six kids”—you know—“did that happen like once a quarter?” [Laughter] Dennis: How do you spell “Loser”? I felt like a loser most of the time as we were raising our kids. Bob: But you tried to be purposeful there, to say: “Okay; I need time—I haven't had time with this child for awhile. I have to get some time away,”—whether it's go to the hardware store together, or we go out for ice cream together, or we—you just tried to make sure that you were getting some one-on-one time with each of your kids all the way through the process; right? Barbara: Well, and sometimes it's just going into their room at night and getting next to that child's bed and talking to that child.  18:00 I think another thing that's really important, too, in pursuing is praying specifically for that child, by name, with him or her; because there's something about being prayed for that makes you feel loved and cared for. All the way through their years, we would go into their rooms at night—and all of them always shared a room, so they weren't really ever alone in their room when we did this—but we go to their bed and we would talk to that one child, eye to eye; and we would pray for that one child, eye to eye. We didn't do it every single night, but we did it a lot. Even those two or three minutes of one-on-one time at night in their bedroom before they turned off their light I think is also an investment that's important. Dennis: We have to get to the third lane. Bob: Forgiveness? Dennis: Forgiveness. We have to get there, because it's the core of how God relates to us: “…forgiving one another just as God in Christ forgave you.” Listen to me, parents—  19:00 —your assignment is to communicate the forgiveness of God, practically, in all the different ways they disappoint you. In the many foul-ups and the many failures, you are modeling something that is supernatural.  I have to share this quote by an unlikely source: Anne Lamont. Listen to this statement she makes about forgiveness: “Earth is forgiveness school. You might as well start at the dinner table; that way, you can do this work in comfortable pants.” [Laughter] Isn't that a great quote?! Bob: It is. Dennis: Start at the dinner table; because you can do the work of forgiveness and feel comfortable, in a family, doing it. Bob: And as you said, over and over again, part of the whole forgiveness equation is modeling for our children what it looks like to seek forgiveness when we've done wrong so that they can then know how to seek forgiveness when they've done wrong.  20:00 This whole idea of, not just granting forgiveness to our kids when they've disobeyed, but showing them, when we mess up, we need forgiveness as well—and I know that's a part of the dynamic.  I'm thinking about what you shared in the Art of Parenting™ video series, where one Thanksgiving you sat down with your kids and you had to ask for their forgiveness for how you had been harsh and critical with them. Barbara: Yes, yes; that was a real milestone, I think, in our family. Dennis and I made it a practice, all the years we were raising our kids, to apologize when we made mistakes. I apologized every day, multiple times, for all kinds of things, to our kids.  But I went through a season of really understanding—God was working in my life, and I was really coming to an understanding that I was really broken and wicked at the core. I wanted my children to understand that it was more than just I made occasional mistakes, here and there; but I wanted them to know that I was a sinner and that I was not— 21:00 —I was not infallible. I wanted them to hear me say: “I am really sorry that you have had to experience my sin nature/my old sin nature. I wish that I could have bottled it up, and hidden it more or protected you from it more, but there it is.” I just wanted them to know that I recognized that I was a sinful person, and that living with sinful people is harmful, and I wished I could have done it differently. Dennis: And at that point, you wept. Barbara: Oh, yes; yes, I was heartbroken; because I didn't want to do that to my kids. I didn't want to harm my children.  Dennis: I don't think the kids had ever seen you weep. Barbara: Well, not like that; no—no. Dennis: But she had a godly sorrow about her sin; and then she asked them, “Will you forgive me?”— Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —and went around, person by person. Barbara: And the great thing about kids is that they are always eager to forgive; because they love Mommy and Daddy, and they want a relationship. Bob: Yes.  22:00 The significance of these three lanes on this bridge can't be overestimated.  Barbara: Yes; yes.  Bob: While you're building them, it doesn't feel as significant; but when the tension comes up/when there's conflict later on, having these lanes working—unconditional love, and pursuit, and forgiveness—keeps the relationship alive and thriving. I would hope our listeners would get a copy of your book, The Art of Parenting. It is now available, and you can go online to order at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. This is a great book for moms and dads to read together. Again, the title is The Art of Parenting. There's a DVD series that goes with it that you can use with a small group. The information about the DVD series and the book are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us, online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order: 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” 23:00 Now, speaking of The Art of Parenting—this year, we produced a feature film that was a part of the Art of Parenting project. In fact, many of you saw it in theaters, back in May. It's a movie called Like Arrows. That movie is not yet available for purchase on DVD; it will be available in early spring of 2019.  We do have a limited number of DVDs we're making available this month to those of you who can help with a yearend donation to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today. As you heard Dennis mention earlier, the need is significant; but so is the opportunity. We have a matching-gift fund of $2.5 million that we're trying to take full advantage of. Every donation you make, here at yearend, is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to that two-and-a-half million dollar total.  If you're able, go online and donate at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate.  24:00 Again, we'll say, “Thank you,” by sending you a special pre-release DVD of FamilyLife's movie, Like Arrows. It's our way of saying, “Thank you for your partnership with us in this ministry.” And we hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when we're going to talk about one of the very important skills our kids need to learn as they form healthy relationships—and that's how to seek forgiveness, how to grant forgiveness, how to resolve conflict effectively. We'll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

How Do I Forgive? (Matthew 6:14-15) For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Luke 23:32-33) Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with [Jesus] to be executed. When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. (Luke 23:34) Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” How Do You Forgive Like Jesus? 1. Pray for those who hurt you. (Luke 6:28 NLT) Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. (Matthew 5:43-44) “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” 2. Forgive as you have been forgiven. (Colossians 3:13) …Forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” ~Anne Lamont

John Trent – Chair of "Gary Chapman Marriage & Family Ministry" at Moody Bible Institute, Founder and President of The Center for Strong Families, a ministry for strengthening relationships within the family dynamic, and Author/Co-Author of over 25 books for adults and children. John shares how growing up in a difficult home prepared him for heeding his calling as a writer and family counselor driven to positively impact the foundation of families.   Episode Highlights: John opens his inner door into how he got closer to God and never gave up on his passion to benefit others. How does John define having a calling and how did God orchestrate his life events that led him along his Calling Journey? How id John’s earlier life growing-up shape him for being used today to positively impact families How many people take their last breath with an unfulfilled divine assignment? What was the event that alerted John that writing was his calling? Would John have become a family counselor if it wasn’t for the struggles in his own family life? 22 publishers turned down the first book John Trent did before the 23rd published it…stay the course and persevere How did John transition into being an entrepreneur? What is John’s perspective on the desire to become a writer? Who is Anne Lamont, and how did her book / work affect John? What is storyboarding and how does John use it to write books? John shares a compelling story of praying for his dad as his dad in his last days. Host Jim Schubert explains his transformational experience related to his adoption. You don’t need a perfect past to move toward your calling…It’s all part of your story and serves in crafting your calling journey What was John’s vision behind his book The 2-Degree Difference? What advice would John Trent give to people to help strengthen their families?   Key Points / Quotes: The first step of figuring out your calling generally is someone points out something that stands out about you. Persevere in your pursuit of your calling and never give up on where you feel you are headed. “How many of you would like to change the pictures of your life story…?” - John Trent “My calling is alleviating people’s pain in terms of the brokenness in people’s families.” - John Trent “Forgiveness” literally means to ‘untie the knot’ in Greek…do we have any knots that need untying” - John Trent   Resources Mentioned: strongfamilies.com Linkedin: John Trent Instagram: @strong.families heedyourcalling.com  

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it seems too me there’s an awful lot of talk about joy this time of year. December. The Christmas season. The Christmas carols. It’s even gotten into marketing, the joy of this, the joy of that. It seems we all want joy. But for all the talk, where do we see joy and how do we get it? More joy in our life. More joy in our relationships. In this episode, and the next, I want to talk about joy as a gift we can give ourselves. We can give this gift to ourselves, not by manufacturing it, but instead by stepping outside of ourselves and entering into the joy other people are experiencing. People in the midst of joy are almost always willing to share it, because there is plenty of it to go around. It’s not a zero-sum game, where if I share some of my joy with you, it decreases the amount left over for me. It’s just the opposite, in fact. The more you share in my joy, the more my joy multiples. I’ve heard people say, “I need more joy in my life,” followed by speculating what they can do to experience it. Joy is not something to go looking for. Joy is something you wait to come to you. Because the harder we work at finding joy, the less likely we will experience it. To make it easier for joy to find us, we need to have an open and receptive heart to the joy happening around us - joy that doesn’t involve us. But that’s difficult for some of us when we see others experiencing the joy we lack. A number of years ago a missionary couple came to see Janet and me for debriefing of the last term of service in a Latin American country. One of the issues that came up was the disease of envy that had infected their team. It seems that one year in December, the parents of our missionary friends unexpectedly, and generously, bought plane tickets so this couple and their kids could fly back home to the States to spend Christmas with family. Their teammates responded, in one form or another, with “It must be nice.” Rather than sharing in the joy of this unexpected blessing, people chose to turn inward and focus on the absence of this blessing in their life. A more virtuous response would be “Yeah, I wish someone would buy plane tickets for me. But no one is, so the next best thing I can do is share in the joy of my friends . I’m not a victim here. I can actually be happy for them. I can fill in for them, and take over some of their responsibilities while they’re gone so they can enjoy their time away, and not think about what is happening back here. I can experience vicariously the joy of their anticipation of this wonderful gift they have received. And in doing so, I give myself a gift of joy in sharing in their joy. Because some day, my turn may come, and while I’m waiting, I’ll be an active participant in their joy now .” This is what I talked about in episode 4, “The Gift of Even Though,” about my friend Vern. He could not have children of his own, but it didn’t stop him from experiencing the joy of my child. Rather than turning inward with envy, he shared in my joy. Whenever we turn inward, joy will not find us. Envy and joy are like oil and water; they just don’t mix. For joy to find us it helps to be keen observers of the human condition. To be on the lookout for what is happening in our relationships all around us. Even our relationships with complete strangers. For when we notice what is happening to other people, we’ll see both sorrow and happiness. We’ll see boredom and energy. We’ll see remarkable kindness and unspeakable horror. And every now and then, sometimes when we least expect it, joy will find us and call us over to take a look at something good that’s happening. It’s a great gift we can give ourselves. I have a story to share about how joy found me recently While quickly scanning through Facebook the night of November 26, 2018, something popped up on my screen that I wasn’t looking for. It was the video clip of the landing that afternoon of the Spacecraft Insight on Mars that had just completed the journey it started on May 5th, 6 and ½ months ago. The video showed the control room of the Jet propulsion Lab in Pasadena, CA. with what seemed like a hundred scientists dressed in matching company-issue burgundy shirts. Tension was written all over their faces. The success or failure of this $814 million project years in the making would be known in just a few minutes. As the spacecraft descended into the atmosphere of Mars at 12,300 mph. All wondered, would it survive the intense heat? Would it perform autonomously the dozens of operations it needed to successfully complete in order to land? Could it slow down in the 6 and ½ minutes descent from 12,300 mph to land on the surface of Mars at just 5mph? There’s complete silence in the control room, except for the woman scientist in charge of announcing the descent through the 80 miles of Mars’ atmosphere. “2,000 meters. 600 meters. 400 meters. 200 meters. 80 meters. 60 meters. 30 meters.17 meters. Standing by for touchdown.” Then silence. Complete silence. For a longer-than-I-can-stand-it period of quiet. Then it happened. At exactly 2:52.59pm EST, the joyous words “Touchdown confirmed.” The control room exploded with JOY. The cheers go up. High fives are exchanged. Hugs are given all away around. Tears of joy drip down their faces, and mine too. It’s pure joy. As I watched this YouTube video that popped upon my screen, I couldn’t help but think that God was enjoying this moment of Joy too. Much like a dad watching his toddler in her early days of walking. Letting go of the chair in the living room to take the risky journey across the floor without a support to lean on. I imagine God thinking to himself, “Just look what they did, that human race of mine. I gave them numbers, centuries ago. And they took those numbers, and put them together in remarkable ways, to create something out of nothing. And that something showed them how to get to something I created out of nothing. My planet. Mars. I am so proud of them for using what I gave them to explore even more what I’ve created. What joy!” One of my favorite authors is Anne Lamont, and she describes things like this as “God showing off.” Showing off in the best sense of the word. He’s God showing off the magnificence of Mars, at the same time he’s showing off the ingenuity of man to take numbers and use them to send a spacecraft traveling 6 months into space, knowing exactly where it was going, exactly where it would land, and exactly at what time it would land. That was a Monday afternoon like no other. Yet by the Tuesday evening news, the event was forgotten by the rest of the world. It just vanished. That’s how it is with joy. It quickly leaves us, like a hummingbird after feeding off the nectar of a flowering plant in our backyard. But then, when we least expect it, another moment of joy appears, and we savor it, and hold onto to it as best we can, making a deposit in our memory bank. What brought me joy that Monday evening was watching the scientists in the control room and how they all jumped up and erupted in euphoria when those words came over their sound system, “Touchdown confirmed.” My joy came from watching them and thinking about them and what they must be going through. I wasn’t looking for joy. It just popped up on a Facebook feed. It called me over and said, “Hey, take a look at this. You’re going to love it.” And I did. Which leads us to the main take-away from today’s episode, our show summary in a sentence We can transform our relationships when we join in the joy others are experiencing, even when their joy has nothing to do with us. It’s a great gift we can give ourselves. We can respond to today's episode by trying less to manufacture our own joy, but instead look around for the joy others are already experiencing. And then step out of our world for a time, in order to enter their world so we can share their joy Coming up next week In next week’s episode, we will look at part 2 of " The Gift of Joy." It’s an episode a few days before Christmas that brings together, both atheists and people of faith, on something they can agree on. Quote of the Week Real joy never originates from within; it must come from without. Searching for joy within you is like searching for the ocean within a droplet of water. ~ Mel Lawrenz, Christmas Joy, page 18 Resources Mentioned on today’s show Sorge, Bob. Envy - The Enemy Within. Grand Rapids, MI. Chosen Books, 2003. YouTube video, Landing of the Space Craft InSight November 26, 2018

"It may not be about gaining more clients by telling your story, it may just be about connecting with your current clients or showing that you're a human too." - Camille DePutter About a month ago I bought a book called "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamont that was recommended in an email newsletter. The book is fantastic and the newsletter was written by Camille DePutter, the lady I have on the podcast for this episode.  She is a writer and has helped companies like Precision Nutrition as well as many individual trainers tell stories that help people connect with their business. We get into how to start telling our story in this episode as well as how to become a better writer along with lots of great book recommendations. There's also a 10 minute period in this episode where we do a practical exercise Camille created on the spot to show everyone who listens how you can start to piece together your story. Topics Covered: -- Why Camille loves the shitty first draft concept. -- How she got started helping out fitness industry professionals with their writing. -- How to start telling your story. -- How to start shaping it. -- What to do if you feel like you don't have a story. -- Writing advice. -- If you should schedule your writing time.   Books mentioned: - Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont - The Artists Way by Julia Cameron - The Diary of Anais Nin

Ever wondered what the path to being an Amazon #1 bestseller looks like? Meet Taylor Pearson.   Taylor taught himself Portuguese while working as a freelance Spanish interpreter, then bought a one-way plane ticket to Brazil to teach English. Between teaching classes, he played semi-pro football and built a profitable publishing business selling advertising to kitchen furniture manufacturers.   He cold-called marketing agencies using my small kitchen furniture publishing business to get a job. Went from intern to lead project manager in less than six months at the leading digital marketing agency in Memphis. While there, he managed accounts for international manufacturing brands and higher education institutions.   He left that to join the Tropical MBA team, a top 25 iTunes podcast and 10k+ subscriber blog. There he assisted in event planning and community management for The Dynamite Circle, a private mastermind forum of over 1000 of the web’s top location independent entrepreneurs. He also managed the online marketing and sales for a portfolio of 7-figure eCommerce businesses in the hospitality industry, primarily the Portable Bar Company, which grew over 527%. Then, he ran sales and product development for a valet parking software startup, selling into enterprise parking operators while managing product development and strategy.   Now, he primarily writes on his blog and consults with authors, entrepreneurs, and CEOs about how to find clarity and confidence in their businesses, expand their marketing through thought leadership and scale their internal business systems.   Taylor’s Challenge; Publish something publicly this week and share it on social media.   Taylor’s Book = The End of Jobs   Book Recommendations The War of Art by Steven Pressfield Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont   Connect with Taylor Twitter Website email; taylor@taylorpearson.me