Lead Your Leaders

In the last episode we talked about how to uncover the strengths of your team even in the middle of chaos. Not the individual team member strengths – but what collectively as a group emerges when you work together that makes the team better together. Let's take the question deeper:  “How can we leverage the strengths we've identified for our team to work better together?” If you've named that a strength of the team is that they are responsive to the needs of each other >> well then tomorrow when you go to work you might start seeing how they listen, step up, and help others.  You've put on a lens that changes how you see what is going on around you. Now that we see them, how do we reinforce them? UNCOVER STRENGTHS STORIES - ON REPEAT Every 3 to 6 months, repeat the session from the last episode where you identify the strengths you see in the stories. You'll also get a chance to notice trends over time. What are some of the new strengths you see emerging?  When you add people to the team, how does it influence team strengths? What do you notice about what the team is capable of?  REINFORCING KEY STRENGTHS You see it's not only about naming the strength, but clarifying the situations where that strength is a strength and what situations might derail that strength and burnout the team or negatively impact the client served by the team. If your team has a strength of responsiveness, then try out some questions like this: What makes responsiveness an important strength for our work? What are the kinds of situations that we need to respond to? What are the situations that are okay to let go and not be so responsive? How do we manage this strength of responsiveness so that doesn't burn us out? EMBED A STRENGTH INTO A PROCESS It's really about creating norms for how this team does what it does. All too often, norms are more like unwritten rules. If you're around long enough you might be able to pick up on the team's strengths, but nobody has really solidified that into the way work gets done. People just have to figure it out as they go. A way to really leverage a strength is to take the implicit understanding of how things get done and why it matters and make that explicit. The more you can make the strengths you have as a team move from the unwritten rules to embedded in the way things get done then the more you are able to leverage that strength. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 65: Uncover Strengths Through Stories Episode 38: Shift the Negative Vibe on the Team Episode 32: Starting Your New Team Off Right Learn more about Annie

“How do we figure out what our strengths are in the middle of all the chaos that we are dealing with that tends us towards focusing on what's wrong or what we need to fix?” Let's dive into a way for you to work with your team to change the narrative through a storytelling activity. Listen to the podcast for the full description and use the instructions below as a guide if you'd like to facilitate your own team activity.  PREWORK:  Set a meeting time – 90 to 120 minutes. To prepare for the session, ask participants to think of one or two stories BEFORE they come to the meeting.  Plan your meeting in 3 steps! STEP 1. Have everyone think of their one or two stories they prepared on how they experienced the team at their best. Ask them to write down a few notes on a piece of paper to remind them of the story. Give them 5-10 minutes. Use these question prompts: What happened?  What contributed to making that experience good?  What was the result of the team working at their best? STEP 2. Everyone takes a turn sharing a single story - round robin style. It's okay if someone wants to “pass”. They can still contribute to the discussion, because there are two roles to play: The storyteller shares what happened, what made it good, and what was the result of the team being at their best – and in 2 minutes or less. You'll need a timekeeper. It's not a deep dive into one story – but seeing trends across many stories.  The audience in the room writes on post it notes a word or phrase that describes the strengths that they hear demonstrated in the story. After the storyteller is done, the audience shares their post it note and places it on the wall. Then move on to the next story  After everyone who wants to share has told one story, you can wrap around again to people who might have a second story to share. You can't have too many because in the next step we will narrow it down.  STEP 3: After you're done storytelling, leave the last 30 minutes of the meeting to step back and cluster like post-it notes together as a group. Which ones are duplicate words that came up across the stories? What are similar themes that emerged through the storytelling? If your list still seems too big and a little unwieldy, then have the group vote on their top three with check marks or sticky dots. When you've narrowed it down, ask the group to reflect on the strengths they see and ask a few reflection questions like: How do these strengths make us a better team? What are we doing right now that could benefit from leveraging more of our strengths? Sometimes strengths go unnoticed and then underutilized. By mining for strengths through storytelling you can find ways to “formalize” the use of strengths in the way you structure work or project timelines. You end up solving problems without overfocusing on what's wrong, instead you're focusing on what is right about the team. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 38: Shift the Negative Vibe on the Team Episode 32: Starting Your New Team Off Right Learn more about Annie

What makes someone a leader? It seems like some people are thrown into leadership and others strive for it?  You can hear both parts of the question that are really linked together. One, what is a leader? And the other is how does one become a leader? Last episode we walked through the conversation on what actually is a leader? But how do leaders of any kind become leaders? It seems like some people are thrown into leadership and others strive for it. THROWN INTO LEADERSHIP There are some leaders who seem to just fall into it. Even at a young age people recognize their influence and follow. They may rise up quickly and can be given higher levels of responsibility and influence. There are strengths and shadows on both sides of being thrown into leadership. Strengths – In these moments when someone sort of “falls into leadership” the key relationships and the natural charisma  contribute to influence. They can be like accelerants that open doors more quickly so it can seem like they are “born leaders.” These qualities allow them to rally followers and create momentum into the future.  Shadows – Quick rise risks not developing the character needed to sustain the pressure of leadership or they may be sidetracked by the realities of living leadership in the trenches. It creates a potential blindside that if left unaddressed can lead to burnout or poor choices in personal morality that can have devastating effects on other people. Leaders that “fall into leadership” have a great responsibility to steward their gifts, opportunity and relationships with humility and put in the work to surround themselves with honest friends.  STRIVE FOR IT Leadership isn't handed to them, but they have to work for every ounce of influence they have, they have to pursue positions that might not be readily handed to them. There might be more asking – and having to face some rejections along the way and rebound from it.  Strengths - influence through the setbacks is a more sustainable influence built on experiences that ultimately followers can resonate with.  Shadows - resentment can build up in the face of life's setbacks and some give up the striving.  Many potential leaders do the work, get the training, have the expertise and can still hit a glass ceiling or unfair limitations. If you're one of those striving for leadership and hitting a ceiling, my challenge is to broaden your definition of leadership if you haven't already. Check out the last episode! The risk in either scenario is that you focus on leadership rather than the person who you want to be and the person God wants you to be. So, do the work to build your character. Surround yourself with people who can be honest with you. Walk in humility and self awareness. Continue to pursue growth. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 52: Leading a Mentored Life Episode 47: Leading From Your Center Episode 35: A Non-Anxious Presence in an Anxious World Episode 27: The Biggest Mistakes Leaders Make Blog: Let Your Values Be Your Guide Learn more about Annie

Are leaders born or made? It's human nature to sort things by comparing this or that. However, this kind of sorting has significant limitations. In spite of that, this exercise of sorting can help us achieve a deeper understanding of a thing or get clearer on our criteria for a decision. Add to it a lens of both / and it can be helpful in answering today's question.  What makes someone a leader? It seems like some people are thrown into leadership and others strive for it? Let's first dive into the question of “what is a leader?” Next episode we'll talk about how  some people are thrown into leadership and others strive for it. So, what is a leader… Positional Leadership In my opinion this is the least influential type of leader. You could say they have followers because the org chart draws a line from other people to the leader. But, if you define followership as loyalty and support – well, it doesn't take much to see how limiting this definition of leadership really is.  Expert leadership When people see competency they are drawn to it. There have been leaders – without an organizational title – that have changed the world and people have followed the ideas of inventors or scientists and that influence has moved well beyond any organization. It also shows up in other roles like trainers, or consultants, or contractors; an author or podcaster who contributes their expertise to influence the direction or capacity of the team.  Thought leadership Closely associated with this subject matter expert or expert leader is a thought leader. A thought leader is more like a mentor or a sage. Someone who has been where you are and offers insight and wisdom into your situation because they have been there before. Roles might look like a board member who serves as an advisor, it might be a senior leader who offers advice to other leaders, it could be a consultant outside the organization who brings their wisdom from experience to you to share.  Relational leadership There are people on our team that are just natural at creating allies, networking across the organization and bringing people together. This relational influence is powerful when accompanied by a positional role, but doesn't require a position to be leadership. If you look around your team or your organization, you'll notice the people that have influence regardless of position. People know them. People go to them. Their words have impact. People will follow their lead even if they don't have the position.  Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 52: Leading a Mentored Life Episode 48: Helping Others Embrace Change Episode 47: Leading From Your Center Episode 27: The Biggest Mistakes Leaders Make Learn more about Annie

"As I take on more leadership responsibilities, I'm finding that I need more time to step back and do more planning and strategizing. How do I make that time productive so I don't just spin my wheels?" It's true that the more responsibilities you take on the more time you need to step back and plan things out a bit. You can actually keep falling behind if you don't step back and get a little strategic. It is actually a productivity strategy.   PLAN YOUR TIME TO PLAN First, you do have to plan the time. Block it on your calendar. Notice when you blow through the time block and do something else instead. You need to run a few experiments. Try different times of day. Try different techniques during the time you block. Give yourself a trial period maybe weeks or months FIND THE RIGHT TIME Everybody has a “most productive time of day.” It's usually a block of 2-3 hours when we feel fresh. Creativity is easier to access. You have the capacity to do things that require focus. Finding the right time for thinking time is about that space in the day when you are most alert and ready to engage creativity, strategy and imagination. If you are low on energy when you start, you'll likely quit and as the brain will go back to the easy thing. ENGAGE THE SENSES Another way you can help your brain be activated during your thinking time >> thus making it more productive >> is to engage your senses. It's not just reflection but writing too. Not just dreaming but drawing too. Not just planning, but sharing the plan or talking it through with others. STRUCTURE YOUR TIME One of the reasons your thinking time can turn into just wheels spinning is because you don't have a goal or a framework for your time. Having a target for your time will make it more productive. And, a framework can accelerate your thinking. Give you a track to run on so that you move toward your goal. Play with some of the ideas and then step back and reflect on what's working and what's not.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 60: Finding the Unasked Question Blog: Eisenhower Matrix Blog: Meeting Framework Blog: Team Decision Making Framework Episode 10: Questions to Help You Make Decisions Learn more about Annie

If you are changing something and you want to know if it's working or not, the place to start is making sure the target that you're aiming for is clear. Without that clarity, you can't know if you're hitting it or not. With that clarity, you can notice the clues that tell you you're on the right track. How do I know if an idea for improving our program is working or not? We've got some great testimonials, but that's about it. What else should we be looking for? GET CLEAR ON THE TARGET If the target is too big, it's hard to collect data so we tend to focus on stories. You can't adapt and make changes if you only focus on stories. Objective measures are needed to know if your target is actually the right target.  If it's too narrow, then you only look in one place, one data set: the number of participants or attendance. If you do that then you might miss some of the other clues that your change is having an impact.  BEYOND THE TESTIMONY Program outcomes are sometimes harder to measure because they are less tangible than say profits or number of sales or something easier to capture. That shouldn't stop us from trying. Let's make it simple and talk about the words you use. Verb: If you are making a change to your program, then you should be using a verb, right? Verb is action – you are doing something, taking some sort of action that will have a different result. So, what's your verb? Noun: Once you have your verb, then think about your noun. Who or what will be affected by the change? Find your WHO will need to make change and WHO will benefit from the change. Then, identify a NOUN that describes the WHAT. What behaviors will change in either the participants or the program leaders to reach your target?  WHAT TO MEASURE You can start with testimonies and stories you're hearing and even proactively collect them with targeted questions that help you see if the change is working. Then, add some other objective measures: It might be financial measures like cost or cost savings or revenue generation. It might be more outcomes based, like activity or satisfaction data It could also be that pre-data and post data comparison over time  You could also tract participation or even retention over time Any of these measures add more nuance to the testimonies and stories you collect. All of those things together can help you know if your idea is working or not.            LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 60: Finding the Unasked Question Episode 48: Helping Others Embrace Change Episode 10: Questions to Help You Make Decisions Learn more about Annie

If simply stating the future reality or making a plan to solve the challenge actually got us there then the journey from today's reality to tomorrow's future would be easy. The unknown and often overlooked space is the gap between the current state and the future state. And too often we are unaware of the obstacles that we are about to hit on the journey from point A to point B. That's where the unasked questions need to be asked.  Finding the Unasked Question When faced with a problem, a current reality that is not working the way we had hoped, we tend not to think about asking a question. Instead, our tendency is to resort to making a statement about our current reality or what we see as the solution. Things like: “The problem is _________” “What we need is ________” “The solutions is __________” Any of these statements create a fact in our brain and trick us into thinking the situation is a fact and not a question filled with possibilities. To find the unasked question frame each of these statements into a question that opens the door to multiple options. Finding the Right Question Instead of “What we need is ________” frame a question. “If we need _________, what is holding us back from getting it? Are there other needs that we have that we might not be noticing right now? How will meeting this need make a difference? What will it cost us to meet this need in time and resources? How realistic is it for us to be able to meet this need? Asking the unasked question about the situation could reveal the deeper problem or deeper need. You could try asking things like, “How did it get this way? Why does it stay this way? What would it look like if it was working the way we intended?” Anytime you find yourself facing a problem by making a statement, pause, turn to each other and ask: “Is there a question we should be asking instead?” Finding Thinking Time It is an intentional activity to step away and force time to find that unasked question. We need questions more than statements to move forward into options and possibilities instead of narrowing it down to a solution statement.  Your goal in leadership and helping others lead well is to guide yourself and others in a process of finding the obstacles that stand in the way of your solution.  To do that you need to find the unasked questions.  Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Annie's Blog: Turn Your Advice into a Good Question Episode 1: Asking Powerful Questions Episode 10: Questions to Help You Make Decisions Episode 20: Back Pocket Questions to Save the Day Episode 30: Questions: To Ask or Not To Ask Episode 40: The Question You've Always Wanted to Ask Episode 50: What's Your Question Asking Style?

It seems like as soon as I tackle one thing and regain a little hope that I've got this thing handled, the next thing comes along and throws me for a loop. How do I manage this cycle that keeps getting repeated in my leadership? I'm reminded of Jesus who said, “in this world you will have trouble, But take heart, I have overcome the world.”  He didn't say there's gonna be trouble, but don't worry, you'll overcome it.  Instead, he said, “you'll have trouble, but don't fret because I've overcome the world.”  So, how does this understanding play out in our resilience – our capacity to handle adversity and the ability to bounce back from it? BUILDING CAPACITY TO WITHSTAND ADVERSITY When I think about building capacity I get this image of stretching or expanding to make room for something.  To create capacity by doing hard things over and over then you are going to have to have some supports in place that make it possible to stay “loose” — or maybe rubbery like a rubber band that can stretch.  What if our job in building capacity isn't about doing the right thing, sucking it up and making things work, what if it's about staying “loose” and flexible and moldable.  I'm not trying to minimize hard things – they are hard. It's okay to sit down and grieve a little bit – to get sad or angry and even feel like you're gonna throw in the towel.  But, add to that space other people, moments of meditation or music, add in a walk or a run. Noticing that these simple activities move you toward faith. Toward the belief that things will work out.  BOUNCING BACK FROM ADVERSITY It would be really hard to bounce back if you don't feel like you have solid ground to stand on. I think this is where we go back to our “Why” – our purpose and anchor back into that. And sometimes we need other people to remind us of our why – there was a reason we said yes to leadership. That purpose stabilizes the shaky ground. Remember, rarely does anyone bounce back alone. It's a together sort of thing.  It's a life long journey of stretching and growing in the face of adversity. We don't have to do it alone. Jesus already did it and we can lean into that confidence and surround ourselves with people who will help us walk through.      Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 41: Bouncing Back From a Team Fallout Episode 35: A Non-Anxious Presence in an Anxious World Learn more about Annie

I'm often reminded about how I need to pause to celebrate accomplishments. But what if it's been a season of near misses when it comes to accomplishments? How do I celebrate that?  Let's talk about a reframe around celebration today. How celebration time is productive time. How missing that moment is detrimental to the mission. And how even failures are worth celebrating. Are you ready for that one? All of these “how tos” stem from a recent question I've been asked. REFRAME THE CELEBRATION Celebration is productive time. If we don't pause to look back and notice where we are, then our forward momentum can be unproductive. Celebration is productive time because it helps us make sure we're on the right track.  Missing this moment is detrimental to the mission. Whether we hit or miss one of these smaller goals on our way doesn't change the mission. Without the pause to stop and look at the compass, we can get off track. It's worth it to celebrate those near misses.  Celebrating failures sort of feels like an oxymoron. We can celebrate near-misses. Because we can gain so much from those seasons. And that gain is worth celebrating.  THREE QUESTIONS: What do I need to let go of from this season?  When it comes to failures, we can carry into our next season unhelpful things that will actually hold us back from taking a risk or put us in a place to do a “pendulum” swing in our next season because we are over reacting to our last failure. Release those things in this past season that could hold you back.  Which is: What did I learn in this season? When we forget to “celebrate” the good and the bad we miss out on the learning that can happen in either season. Whether it was just a near miss or an utter failure, it is worth celebrating what we learned – or what we have gained in this season.  What do I want to take from this last season into my next season? Noting what was gained in the former season will help you accelerate your next season. It's like a building block and if you build on the good in the former things then the next season becomes stronger.  It's in the celebration of accomplishments as well as the near mission that we learn. In the layering of that learning you grow, your team grows and you will grow into your mission.           Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 41: Bouncing Back From a Team Fallout Episode 35: A Non-Anxious Presence in an Anxious World Blog: Leading the Way to Confidence Blog: Four Confidence Building Strategies Learn more about Annie

What questions can I ask in an interview to find out what I really need to know about the job candidate? If you're looking for that next addition to your team and you want to find that right fit, it can be challenging. You've probably had an experience before where you've thought you've found the right person and it didn't work out.  So, how do you discern if this candidate is the right one for the job? Start with 3 - 5 critical qualities that you're looking to assess in the interview. Then design the process to help you assess each candidate against those qualities.  Number 1: WATCH OUT FOR YOUR OWN BIAS Rather than ignoring them, name them so they don't drive the interview in the background. Be willing to challenge yourself so you don't default to stereotypes. Design the interview to allow the candidate to challenge your assumptions.  Number 2: DON'T INTERVIEW ALONE Sometimes other people can see things we can't see. Maybe they have a different experience and interaction with the role you're hiring for. Just be clear right at the front end what you are expecting from them, if they have a vote or just feedback. Then clarify the feedback you're looking for is not whether they like the candidate or not, instead feedback for each candidate on the 3 - 5 qualities you are assessing.  Number 3: ASK BETTER QUESTIONS Ask Specific Questions: Move beyond strengths and weaknesses to asking about the specific skills you need. Example: “Tell me about a time when you had to take initiative and lead a project or team. How did you handle it and what was the outcome?”  Ask Behavioral Based Questions: When you are designing questions, think about the kinds of situations they will face in the role and the skills you are trying to assess. Then ask specific, behavior-based questions like: “Tell me about a time someone criticized your work. How did you respond and what did you learn?” Number 4: DO MORE THAN JUST INTERVIEW #1 – make sure to check references and stay open minded about what you hear.  #2 – don't be afraid to ask for examples of work or give them an assignment. #3 - use a hiring assessment. There is no guarantee that if you do a better interview process you will be guaranteed to find the perfect fit. But, if you do a more intentional process focused on assessing the right stuff you'll increase your chances and reduce your risk.  Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 53: Three Ways to Inspire Reflection Episode 18: How Do You Hire the Right One? Episode 5: Write a Job Description that Fits Right Blog: Hiring “Right” the First Time Learn more about Annie

If you're facing a conundrum, when do you hold that close to protect the team from the complexity of it all and when do you bring in the team on the conundrum because they can help or they just really need to know because it will affect them?  That's our big question today. Let's listen in on this leader's question: “We're facing a difficult situation and I'm not exactly sure the best step forward. Should I bring the team in on the situation? If so, what is the best way to do that?” WHEN DO YOU BRING THEM IN? WHEN THE STEP FORWARD IS UNCLEAR: Involve others. It might be your team – but it could also be your board, a coach or mentor, a spiritual advisor, a networking group. WHEN CONSEQUENCES IMPACT THE TEAM: The consequences of moving forward OR even of not moving forward will impact the team - a role, relationships or responsibilities. WHEN YOUR TEAM HAS THE EXPERTISE: Maybe they have information because of their role. Maybe you've experienced their wisdom in previous situations. Maybe they have resources or know someone outside the organization who can offer expert advice. HOW DO YOU BRING THEM IN? Quick answer … give them the simplest true thing and then add in the complexity.  SHOW CONCERN Verbalizing and acknowledging how they might feel or the potential impact or possible risks shows that you're concerned about them. They matter and their emotional and psychological needs are in your view. REINFORCE STABILITY You'll want to remind them of the facts, figures, timelines and plans for the situation. Things like:   Remind of their job security Give financial data to demonstrate stability Share the plan for how to deal with the situation Think about  what your team will need to know that you've got this thing and you'll lead them through. OFFER HOPE Offering hope is painting a picture of the future that can pull people forward. Keeps them from getting stuck or afraid. You want your hope to be somewhat realistic. If it's too “pie in the sky” it can have a counter effect, but a realistic hope can be a powerful motivator that can help your team bring their best selves to the situation. LEVERAGE TRUST There is a daily discipline of building trust. Bank it up before the problem ever begins is going to help you deliver the message well and will carry you even if you don't. It will also help reinforce everything you do as you show concern, and offer stability and hope.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 36: When You've Got Bad News to Share Episode 34: A Non-Anxious Presence in an Anxious World Episode 24: What if We Disagree on Direction? Learn more about Annie

How do I deal with a co-worker when I feel like they rub me the wrong way when we interact?  One of the hardest things on a team is when people struggle through the personality clashes that are inevitable when different people try to work together.  Yet, the diversity of different personalities working together can create such rich perspectives and deep insight into a situation.  But before you can benefit from that kind of diversity, you've got to navigate beyond the personality clash.  You'll need to find your own way through – but you can gain an awful lot of ideas from hearing how other people have done it. Thanks for asking me to share! Here's a few things to think about: SEEK TO UNDERSTAND The natural human assumption is that people think and see the same way that we do. Even though we might know in our head that's not true, our behaviors don't follow suit. We go into the default mode of our own personality and expect people to approach things the same way.   The expectation that others will be like us and need what we need can backfire and create the personality clashes you're talking about. Learning the styles and approaches of others on your team using one of many assessments can help you gain understanding and give each other more grace. Once you have some understanding, then, go deeper with more conversation and asking more questions. The kinds of questions that demonstrate that you want to listen and understand to build a deeper relationship. INITIATE RELATIONSHIP When people don't make sense to us it can be really easy to retreat or avoid. We can tend to create work-arounds so that we actually can sideline the other person from our experience. Who wants to deal with a difficult personality anyway, right? What if you change the story . . . instead of avoiding or deflecting, what if you go toward that difficult person? If someone has offended us or frustrated us and we start to retreat we can begin to tell ourselves the story that they need to fix it and they need to make it right. And while that may be true, if you keep telling that story over and over the personality clash will remain and likely get worse with some pretty tough consequences for the team. BELIEVE THE BEST When we experience personality clashes, it's really hard to believe the best about people. Usually things have been said or done that may be experienced as hurtful when personalities clash. The natural response is to see the other person as an adversary.  What if we instead started to think about the other person as an ally that hasn't yet been won over? Or a skeptic that might be able to offer a different angle or perspective that we might need to hear? It doesn't always work to navigate personality clashes on your own. Though, I challenge you to give it a go before you bring in others or create those workarounds that hinder teamwork.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 45: Reshape the Conflict Triangle Episode 50: What is Your Question Asking Style? Episode 26: Disagreements and Team Cohesion Learn more about Annie

"What do I do when the workload is more than what I can do and everybody on my team is in the same place. I've always been able to just work harder to get through, but that doesn't work anymore and there just isn't anybody to delegate to without adding to the overwhelming workload they already have." We've all gone through seasons in our work that are overwhelming. Often our approach is just to “get through it” and we push toward the light at the end of the tunnel. That is one strategy we can use, but probably not the only one. Especially when that overwhelm becomes chronic and you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Rachel Uthmann, Director of Training for International Association for Refugees speaks to this question of overwhelm through this lens of deeply caring for the people we serve and those chronic spaces when secondary trauma contributes to our own overwhelm as leaders. Check out the highlights from this episode: When the needs are truly overwhelming from a human perspective, it's easy to keep pushing harder and harder until you break. It's important to step back and ask, what is my role? My place? What is it that I've been called to do, my motivation, the fuel that drives me.  I encounter people with burnout working with refugees or in other kinds of social service areas to where their motivation is coming from wanting to achieve something. Some tangible outcome (no child goes hungry; everyone has a home) usually requires change and or cooperation from other people or systems beyond yourself.  Whenever that becomes your motivation, you're destined for burnout.  Steve Cuss in his book Managing Leadership Anxiety talks about how we're perfectly human sized. And that's actually all we were called to be. And what a gift.  I can't solve the world's pain at the moment. I can be that fabulous friend to the person in front of me. I can honor the story of the one who's sitting across from me. These questions help me when I get overwhelmed with the need or the chaos: What is it that is mine to do?  What is it that is actually within my capacity?  What is it that you've called me to in terms of my responsibility?  What am I unable to do?  What is it that belongs to someone else today?  What is it that belongs to God alone?  And before you ask those questions, when you feel that anxiety building of the impossible is being asked of you. Go take a walk. Get a snack. Take a nap. People can get to that place of compassion fatigue, or secondary trauma – sometimes called vicarious trauma or the concept that trauma is contagious. Caregiver experiences, to a lesser degree, have the same symptoms the person experienced; dreaming about it at night; hypervigilant because of someone else's story. Some people can be more vulnerable to secondary trauma, like having your own experience of trauma, being a survivor of trauma, and being high in empathy.  When I listen to someone's story it's like they hand me a stone, a precious gift. I'd stick it in my pocket and then the next person, the next stone until my pockets were full of rocks. I had to learn to take the rocks back out of my pocket and put them somewhere important to me. Like finding ways to express what I have heard and seen.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Learn more about International Association For Refugees: Training Opportunities American Bible Society's Trauma Healing Institute Connect with Rachel through Transform Minnesota's Trauma Healing Steve Cuss, Managing Leadership Anxiety Learn more about Annie

When we pause to reflect AND when we reflect with others, we embed that learning more deeply into our heart and soul. In this episode I invite you to join me in 3 different ways to engage questions to leverage reflection to become the leader we were meant to be.  HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS My 11-year-old daughter's favorite conversation at the dinner table is to ask the questions: “What's the best part of your day?” and “What's the worst part of your day?” And then we each have to go around and answer.  Both lenses of the highs and lows give us the opportunity to notice what has happened . . . but reflection is actually more than that because while we want to notice what happened, we also want to ask why it was significant and what meaning you are assigning to that experience.  Two new ventures pushed me to grow this last year. My initial reflection is that I don't like uncertainty. I learned something in that space of uncertainty, though. I found my courage because of the supportive people around me cheering me on and challenging my thinking.  Lesson Learned: Time I spend investing in my support network is well worth it! SUMMARY REFLECTIONS Putting it together into a memorable nugget helps me to remember things. It also reminds me of some of those old testament stories where God did something significant and the children of Israel named the place with a “bottom line” sort of word that described the experience so they would remember what God had done.  Coming up with one word was kind of a killer for me. Just one? I can't do that. So, I didn't. Instead, I popcorned out a list of words. Things came to mind for me like, partnerships; influence; bold, trying new things; energized; recharged.  Energized jumped off the page for me. Things have happened that cost me energy in the last year. And other activities have energized me.  Lesson Learned: Energy needs to be managed if we want to lead well.  GROWTH REFLECTIONS Expanding on the lens of what happened or what is happening in our external world, I also like questions about what's happening on the inside of us. Some of the questions I reflected on with my mentor in our discussion last week were: What character trait did you develop most over the past year? What character trait did you rely on the most in the last year? How did you take care of yourself this year? The character trait that I worked on and relied on in the last year was learning to let go of the outcomes. Some things are mine to do and other things are God's job or someone else's job.  Lesson Learned: Challenge myself to let go of the outcomes and do my part to the best of my ability.  As I invest in my support network, and manage my energy, and let go of outcomes, I also need those moments of holy uselessness I talked about in Episode 28. I challenge you to interject an intentional pause regularly in 2023 to reflect and leverage your learning with others! LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 52: Living a Mentored Life Episode 28: What is a Moment of Holy Uselessness? Episode 47: Leading From Your Center Episode 49: Recovering Confidence After a Tough Season Blog: Let Your Values Be Your Guide Learn more about Annie; Email Annie

"Sometimes I feel caught in the middle of meeting the needs of the team I lead and meeting the needs of my own leader. What are some ways you navigate leading in the middle?" Leading in the middle is this unique position in the organization where your team is looking to you to meet their needs and ALSO the leaders in the organization are coming to you with likely a different set of expectations. Join me with Laura Flanders, MA, BCC as we answer this question through the lens of living a mentored life  Actual learning, actual reflection is with another human person beside us.  How we learn is am important thing to keep our finger on throughout life We never stop learning – and it requires some internal work Leading means having to let go of my own tendency towards perfection First, learn active listening to understand their true need and what's yours to do Their needs may be reasonable for you; but others may need to meet it, too Communicate the expectation that they need to work to meet their need – you aren't all the solution even if you are a part of the solution Coach, the person not the problem.  Learn how tro ask high-level coaching questions that are really open ended and help them come up with their own solutions.  Your new job is not getting all those tests done. Your new job is leading people.  The art of listening is the primary skills for a new leader in middle management Don't think one  mentor – but a whole constellation of mentors – some who served you for just a day; others long term; others for a few months to help you learn one specific skill. There's no such a thing as a perfect mentor; rather a perfect constellation of mentors.  Intentionality toward learning; it's a relational process, relational life towards that, then it's we're living and mentored life.  Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Living a Mentored Life Course Connect with Laura on LinkedIn Email Laura Learn more about Annie

"I've recently been promoted to a new role as leader and manager of this team. I'm excited, but as someone who's always had the checklist of to-dos, how do I think differently about this role? What do I not know that I should know?" The beginning of a thing can be hard. That's the scary space where you're not sure you have what it takes, and you just don't know what you don't know. Rather than getting things done on a check list. All of the sudden you're in the space of building relationships, winning people over to ideas or change, setting aside thinking time to be intentional in leadership. EMPOWERING VS. DOING A huge mindset shift for you is going to be figuring out how to empower others to do the work instead of doing it yourself. You've got some muscle memory going on and it might be easy to fall into the trap of getting into the details and keep doing the work yourself. If you do, you'll end up micromanaging instead of empowering.  Managing people is time consuming and you can't check that off a list. You might have to shift your view of productivity. Rather than getting things done, the quality of your productivity is now defined by how well you can build relationships and coordinate workflow.  COACHING VS. PROBLEM-SOLVING Your team will come to you with problems to solve and you're used to doing that – so it will be easy to simply tell them how to solve their problem – because it's probably a problem you've seen before.  Now that you are a leader, rather than a goal of solving problems it's about how well can you coach others to solve their own problems.  As leaders, we need to equip our teams to solve their own problems, or we will be dragged into the trenches and our team will never grow to achieve their full potential.  COORDINATION OF DELEGATION Affirm the strengths you see in your team. Keep delegated assignments consistent with what they have been doing without making any big changes in the early days. Don't pull the positional authority move of – “I'm the manager”; but use relational influence as your first foot forward.  LETTING GO WHILE MANAGING TO OUTCOMES At the end of your day the success of each individual on your team is a reflection of your success as a manager. You will be held accountable for the results of your team so you'll have to share that accountability with the team. As leaders we often must learn to let go of the specifics of how a thing gets done and focus on managing to the outcomes. Certainly, you want to equip people with steps and procedures that have worked to get to the outcomes but give some freedom to make changes without compromising the outcomes.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 6: Leading Differently in a Remote World Episode 14: Invite a New Leader to Hire a Coach Episode 51: What's Your Question Asking Style? More information on Communication Styles Assessment and Tips Learn more about Annie

Why is it that someone's well intentioned question might land the wrong way?  if you are going to ask great questions – you've got to understand that it's more than just asking open-ended questions. It's helpful to know how others will hear and experience your questions. Let's explore four different styles based on Myers Briggs Personality preferences. STRATEGIC THINKER Strategic Thinkers seek to understand a thing by turning it upside, inside-out and over and over again. They ask more questions that help them see the big picture and strategy from all the angles. However, in pursuit of satisfying curiosity and wanting to understand, these questions can sound like debating and trigger a defensive response unintentionally.  Pro-tip – notice body language. If someone's posture changes, if their tone gets more tense, if their face gets tight or their responses more terse, then shift your question asking style. BRIDGE BUILDER Bridge builders look to ask questions that help find common ground. It's less about specific detailed content and more on making connections by asking questions. However, these questions can sometimes feel disconnected. Less than relevant. And lingering too long feels like derailing the conversation. Pro-tip – notice confusion or frustration or tuning out. Switch to summarizing or paraphrasing to capture the conversation. PROBLEM SOLVERS Problem solvers are able to see all the parts and details and that's where they camp out when asking questions. They see everything through the lens of problems to be solved. Sometimes people aren't ready for the next step.  Pro tip - notice if the next step is a no-brainer but other people in the room aren't getting on board; then pause and back up by asking different kinds of questions.  COMPASSIONATE CONNECTOR Compassionate Connectors will ask questions that help them step into other people's shoes and understand their situation so they can gather details and understand what people need and what action can be taken.  Pro-tip – notice when people respond with a “but wait” tone or answer your very direct and specific questions with a “left field” sort of answer. That's an indicator that you and that other person are probably looking through a different lens of curiosity and you can ask different questions.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording More information on Communication Styles Assessment and Tips Annie's Blog: Turn Your Advice into a Good Question Episode 1: Asking Powerful Questions Episode 10: Questions to Help You Make Decisions Episode 20: Back Pocket Questions to Save the Day Episode 30: Questions: To Ask or Not To Ask Episode 40: The Question You've Always Wanted to Ask Learn more about Annie

"We've been through a tough season and it was really hard on all of us. We made it, but my confidence is a bit shaken. What can I do to rebuild my confidence and give my team a boost?" If you're in leadership for any length of time you are going to have seasons that shake your confidence. Leading is filled with the unexpected and sometimes it's those things that you have zero control over that wreak the most havoc on confidence. How do you build confidence in the hard seasons? ACKNOWLEDGE THE SEASON As a leader you call out the season for what it was – HARD. Then, turn it over to the team. Ask a few open ended questions, like: What was hard about this season for you? What did you learn about yourself in this season? What is your take away from this season? It's like shedding light on the dark season and that alone can restore confidence in you and in the team. CAPTURE THE LEARNING It could be an informal conversation and you just make a mental note of what you are hearing from others. Or capture a list on a flip chart in a meeting. Keep a journal. You could even pick something you might invest in for personal development or team development in the future.  You're not letting that hard season rob you, because you're going to take away some learning from that experience and that's going to propel you differently into the future.  GET MORE TOOLS What do you know about yourself that helps you to gain confidence? What is it that you can learn that would help you to feel more confident? For me it was grad school. It could also be reading a book. Taking a course. Getting a certification. Engaging a mentor. PARTNER WITH AN EXPERT Maybe you don't have to be great at everything. The idea is for you to know your limits and stay in your wheelhouse as a leader. Stay in that space where you do feel really confident and then partner with others that have expertise different than your own. TRY AGAIN . . .  When it comes down to practical, hands-ons ways to build ideas. The best idea is to experience a positive situation. When we feel accomplished, we gain confidence.  Force yourself into it – but don't freak yourself out – just do a small thing. A first step. Create safety nets. Seek wise counsel. Do some research. Use a framework. Rather than ignoring the hit to our confidence, we can take time when things aren't as hard to intentionally reflect on and restore confidence, so we are ready for the next time.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Blog: Four Confidence Building Strategies Blog: Confidence is a Leader's Friend Blog: Leading the Way To Confidence Learn more about Annie

We are facing some changes in our ministry. It's exciting for some, scary for others. What ideas do you have for how to keep the change going forward and bring people along? One of the challenges of leadership is guiding a group of people through change. People have different needs during change. Different perspectives on what should change or how it would change. Let's add to that the reality that change is always happening around us.  Here to answer this leader's question on bringing people along for the change is Markus Watson who is a seasoned pastor, host of Spiritual Life and Leadership podcast and author of Beyond Thingification: Helping Your Church Engage in God's Mission. Dive into this episode to hear more about: Investing in your early adopters while caring for those with hesitation Listening and asking good questions to engage conversation all along  A story of reflection and direction dinners using appreciative inquiry listening to bring people along in the story of change. Change is coming out of conversations A leader's job is to hold space for people's anxiety even when it's targeted toward the leader Finding your self worth in your relationship with God instead of pleasing people The power of listening God, listening to people and listening to community Using experiments to test ideas, reduce anxiety and involve people in the change Giving people permission to be creative and think outside the box Embracing we are God's beloved and don't need to prove ourselves “I think a lot of times when people feel heard, they're more willing to be open, even if it's not the outcome that they wouldn't necessarily choose for themselves.” “You've built enough of a healthy relationship and listened to them. And they have felt heard, and they have felt like they're part of the process so that they can eventually come along.” “People don't resist change. People resist loss, right? You have to help them grieve the loss of whatever it was.” Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Blog: Lead Through The Complexity of Change Beyond Thingification: Helping Your Church Engage in God's Mission  Free online course - Leading Your Church Through Change Find out more about Markus: www.markuswatson.com Learn more about Annie

As a woman in leadership, I find myself vacillating between pushing hard with intensity OR getting small when there is a lot of push back. I'd like to live more in the center. What are your thoughts on how to do that? Uniquely, for women in leadership, there's a see-saw that we can ride trying to get centered on who we want to be as leaders. Sometimes the cards are stacked against women in leadership and it gives us the impression that we need to prove ourselves in ways that our counterparts don't necessarily have to do. LEAD CENTERED IN YOUR VALUES The pressure to prove ourselves as women and even any leader can get us off-center from our core values. We often don't know values are operating until some conflict rears up – like riding the see-saw, right? At that moment you feel tension within yourself and that tells you that a value is playing out right now. And sometimes that value looks like resistance, frustration, aggressiveness, but it can also look like giving up, walking away or getting small. To get off the see-saw of behavior, you've got to look deeper at what is going on behind the scenes and driving your discomfort or inner tension.  SURROUND YOURSELF WITH WISE, HONEST COUNSEL Whether a male or female leader, those I've worked with find talking through values to be invaluable. We need spaces in our lives as leaders where we can dig deep and articulate our core values. The questions, comments and encouragement from others around us can help us draw out those things which are consistently important to us  Clear values guide decisions and create the center point that holds you from over-intensity or minimizing who you are.  MORE CONFIDENCE WITH EXPERIENCE Anchoring into our values and gaining the kind of clarity that plays out in the trenches is about walking through this over and over again. It will mean coming back to center over and over again. Yep, the challenges you face – especially those that come from people around you will knock you off center over and over. Every single time is an opportunity to practice finding your center.  NEXT STEPS: Get clear on your values Talk it out with your people Live out your values It's probably more like a cycle and less like steps. So, dive in and go around the circle a few times and see what you learn about living in your center.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 35: A non-anxious presence in an anxious world  Values Exercise Learn more about Annie

Conferences that you attend are wonderful moments to step out of the day to day to reflect and learn with others. I had the honor of joining the LeadBold gang at last week's conference and I'd love to share a few nuggets for leadership. COURAGE TO LEAD I resonate with what I hear from leaders, that leadership isn't what we thought it would be. Leaders are often stepping into courageous spaces, like one speaker's reflections on Joshua. Don't you find it interesting that God told Joshua 4 times to “be strong and courageous because I am with you.”? The fourth time God starts off with “have I not told you” in verse 9. I heard it differently this time – it isn't frustration with repeating the message, instead it's like… “Hey, Joshua, notice what I have done for you before. Don't forget to look back and see the good things. Remember what I have said about my presence with you and what you are capable of.”  When we face our next courageous moment – there's God saying, “Don't forget, you got this and I'm with you.” POWER OF COMMUNITY I'm not really up for leading alone. I really don't think that can be done. I definitely don't think it should be done. It's not the way we are wired. Yet, so many times I see leaders pushing forward into the new territory alone or feeling like they are on their own. I suppose that's the beauty of conferences. It brings people in similar situations together and we don't feel so alone. ]I witnessed the power of listening to stories. Not only our own stories, but the stories throughout history and the bible of women and leaders who changed the world and led courageously into new territory. Even if imperfectly, right?!?. WHY LEADERS NEED TO ASK QUESTIONS These two insights on courage and community are reasons why leaders need to ask more questions! You knew I'd turn it around to that, didn't you!?! The kinds of questions that move from the “how to” space into the learning space and cultivating stories space are the ones that expand our perspective and help us see differently and take action more strategically. When we ask good questions, those around us feel heard and then empowered to take the bold step forward into the territory we are leading them into.  So, if you are going to lead your leaders into new territory with courage and community, you'll need to ask good questions.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 1: Asking Powerful Questions Episode 10: Questions to Help You Make Decisions Episode 20: Back Pocket Questions to Save The Day Episode 30: Questions - To Ask or Not To Ask Episode 40: The Question You've Always Wanted To Ask Lead Bold and the upcoming Pastors Cohorts Learn more about Annie

How do we avoid situations where the team talks about each other when there is some underlying conflict or frustration instead of talking to each other? One of the most challenging aspects of leading your dream team is the human dynamics that emerge in communication, collaboration, or conflict. We dream of a team that is cohesive and works better together than they could ever do on their own.  In reality, communication seems like we are speaking a different language, collaboration is clunky at best and conflict — oh conflict – that we'd love to avoid altogether. Hearing other people's perspectives and their journeys through conflict can help inform your own journey, but you'll have to find your own path through. Story 1: SIMMERING CONFLICT A story of how little things fester over time. There is a feeling that something is off, but you can't really put your finger on it. It's hard to notice the point in time when you need to deal with it. Listen to how this leader crafted her conversation to invite mutual dialogue and how even though it didn't go perfect they both learned how to deal with simmering conflict so it doesn't boil over on others.  Story 2: SURPRISING CONFLICT A leader was talking with her team member in a meeting and they were working out some details about a recent event that needed some tweaking when unexpectedly her team member started crying. Out came her frustration at the way the leader was handling the situation. She felt accused and unsupported. Listen in on how this leader navigated the unexpected with asking questions, taking a pause and reengaging conflict quickly so the conversation doesn't start leaking out when conflict lingers. Story #3: BOUNCING BACK FROM TEAM FALLOUT Danielle shares her story of the journey of hurt and grief when the under the surface stuff came up like a volcano in Episode 41: Bouncing Back from Team Fallout. It's so hard as a leader, in that moment, to let go of that dream team you hoped would be yours. Danielle found her anchor in her faith and her dependence on God. She also leaned into her people!  HOW DO WE AVOID IT? The way to avoid the “talking around” that often emerges is by addressing how we talk about “it” before “it” is even there. As a leader you can teach people how to have difficult conversations; you can model how it's done when you show you're willing to engage the small conversations along the way to lay groundwork for healthy conflict.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Episode 35: A Non-Anxious Presence in an Anxious World Episode 41: Bouncing Back from Team Fallout Episode 44: Powerful Questions for Great Conversations Lead Bold and the Chicago Conference, November 3rd and 4th Learn more about Annie

Every leader is engaging in all kinds of conversations every single day. Some simple, some more complex, and others somewhere in-between. Great leaders are always looking for ways to engage conversations with more savvy.  And if you want to ramp up your conversion skills, asking the right question at the right time can make all the difference. In unpredictable situations, remaining curious and asking questions can slow down the conversation just enough, and you might really tap into that unexpected information that changes the conversation and takes it even deeper.  This week I had the honor of joining a conversation with Andrea Coli, Executive Director of Lead Bold. We chatted about an upcoming workshop I will be facilitating at the Lead Bold Conference in Chicago Illinois on November 3rd and 4th.  And I'd like to share the conversation with you. And, of course, I also invite you to jump in a car or hop on a plane and join me in Chicago for the Lead Bold conference on November 3rd and 4th.  Check out these highlights to our conversation: How great conversations contribute to great leadership Not every question is created equal – what questions matter to great conversations Engage curiosity to understand other perspectives and deeper needs Questions are the antidote to assumptions Differences in leaders who engage questions vs. those who don't How questions can help you address problems that seem unsolvable How questions affect collaboration by co-creating solutions Get highlights on how to become great question askers using a three-stage-funnel. Drive the conversation upward toward the top of the funnel by asking expansive questions. Those kinds of powerful questions that uncover deeper needs below the surface that helps people solve their own problems.  Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Lead Bold and the Chicago Conference, November 3rd and 4th Learn more about Annie

You've probably heard, “It's lonely at the top” and as a leader, you've probably felt it even if you're not at what might be considered the “top”. Leadership can be very lonely and isolating. And, it's not often easy to find the advice and support you're looking for.  A few years back I did an informal survey of 35 leaders in ministry about their biggest challenges. I expected "overwhelm" to be #1 because that's another one I hear a lot and it was a close runner up, but the actual top challenge was feeling isolated and alone in leadership!  If we are isolated and overwhelmed – that's a tough combination. It's no wonder leaders are tired. With so many leaders in the same situation – it ought to be easier to bring leaders together to support each other.  In fact, Jay Y. Kim, author of Analog Church and Analog Christian AND our guest on Lead Your Leaders in episode 35, talks about the value of being surrounded by community as a necessary foundation to be a non-anxious presence in an anxious world. One of the gifts we can give the world as leaders is our presence. And if we are holding on to that isolation and overwhelm we are going to engage the world with an anxious presence even if we don't realize it.  So, what do you gotta do to get started? First, prioritize it – make time in the busy of life to look for your community. Second, take the leap to check out new relationships or communities of leaders even if the first “connections” don't work out.   Get started with a few of these resources: Lead Bold a connecting ministry for women in leadership with online and in person opportunities to join with peers in ministry. Lead Bold conference, November 3rd and 4th in Chicago IL for women leaders to be inspired and learn together. I'll be there teaching a breakout session! Amplify Mission Network, Leadership Academy for learning cohorts for middle managers in nonprofit organizations and Executive Directors. Check out networking groups and learning opportunities for other leaders in a similar ministry role.  In the past, I would dismiss opportunities like these because I believed my to-do list was more important or I was more responsible for the relationships I needed to steward than finding relationships that would support my leadership. Now I have and the mentors that speak into my life save me time with advice better than what I would have thought of on my own. They inspire, challenge and encourage me when I get a little flat and start questioning if I can do the thing I'm doing. They remind me of truth when my confidence falters. There is such richness that comes from good community that you really can't quantify it.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Lead Bold and the Chicago Conference, November 3rd and 4th Amplify Mission Network Learning Academy Episode 35: A Non-Anxious Presence in an Anxious World Learn more about Annie

How do I present an idea to the leaders in my organization so it has the best chance of being received? Consider these on what might increase your chances of getting consideration for your idea. CONTENT is KING First of all, content is king! I was so flustered at the suggestion to avoid communication that I plowed right into the conversation without thoughtful consideration on what content really mattered. You've probably noticed this too – without thoughtful preparation on content, people tend to ramble or overshare when presenting a new idea. So try this: Step back and take thoughtful preparation before sharing content. Discern that “bottom line” – if the idea is kind of “in the clouds” rather than “on the ground” it's a good sign you need to take that pause before sharing it. What is the nugget that you need to share first then follow with some supporting evidence? Test out the idea and see if it floats before you share it with leaders.  Learn what your audience wants to hear will help you decide what content is important to your audience. TIMING is QUEEN Too many times we have great ideas, and the need feels urgent to us – but among the list of all the needs a leader is sifting through it may not have the same urgency to them. Ask these questions to test if the timing is right: Is there capacity in the busyness of work for the leader or leaders pause and think through the idea you want to share?  How important is this idea right now in the whole scheme of things? How likely are the resources to be available to actually do something about this idea? PRESENTATION is EVERYTHING Do you need something written down? How do they best receive information? Is it groups or one-on-one conversations? Is it more about stories or statistics or graphics that will help them understand the content you are trying to communicate? Not every idea you present to leaders will be accepted. In fact I probably don't even have a 50-50 ratio myself. Just don't immediately throw it out if it is rejected. It might be timing. It just need to be repurposed and presented in a different way in a different context with a different spin on it. And it might not be a great idea after all. That's okay – there will be more ideas! LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Annie's Blog: Balance the Over and Under of Communication Annie's Blog: Know Your Audience: Not Everyone Hears the Same Annie's Blog: Presentations: What to Cut and What To Say Annie's Blog: Decision Making: Selling the Idea Episode 36: When You've God Bad News To Share Learn more about Annie

As leaders you are bound to experience those moments when you are dealing with people and it all falls apart. You question your leadership and you wonder what you could have done differently. It shakes a leader's confidence. I've often said that people are the reason we go into ministry and they are also often the reason we want to throw in the towel.  Danielle Kelly answers today's question: “How do you bounce back from a team fallout?”  Danielle is a pastor's wife, writer, certified professional life coach, and host of the Unashamed and Free Podcast, leader of women's ministry at Chicago West Bible Church. CONVERSATION TIDBITS They tell you during training that there's going to be conflicts, but I feel like nothing can fully prepare you for when it actually happens. (5:40) You can't skip forward in the journey to confidence. Fallout was like a machete to my identity. You're deeply cut. You need to lay down and get restoration. You need to let the Lord deal with those wounds.  (9:34) Condemnation is like you're wrong. And you're never going to get out of it. But I'm like, oh, no, no, no. I think the work of knowing who I am in Christ has helped (13:47) I think that I survived the fallouts because of the work that I did beforehand. It's what you're doing in a secret place, daily habits in your relationship with God. When fallout happens, even though you're like, “Whoa, this stinks.” You are more prepared for it because you've had positive things take root inside of you. (18:11) This does not define me. It doesn't take away my calling. It doesn't. (21:20) I don't like conflict. Sometimes to get back up, you have to go back into the fire. But you have more control of it this time. (22:48) Everybody would experience the fallout. And if I didn't address the elephant in the room, it was just going to create more toxicity. (23:42) I am a justice girl to the core. I'm like you will not get away with this. The Word has been teaching me, “I will fight your battles”. I will rebuild the team. And you don't need to stand up and prove anything. Let me do it.”  (28:12) REGISTER TODAY! Danielle and Annie will both be presenting at the Lead Bold conference in Chicago November 3rd and 4th. Check out the link below! LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Instagram: @unashamed_and_free Email: danielle@unashamedandfree.com Lead Bold Conference: https://www.leadingbold.org/chicagoconference Annie's Blog: Taming the Triggers Episode 29: Making a “No-Win” Decision  Learn more about Annie

When you're wrestling with a question but can't quite put it into words, what do you do?  Frustration, uncertainty, lack of confidence are all clues that deep down there's a question that we haven't yet found the answer to and maybe even have trouble articulating. So what does it take to express the deeper question within you? Typically we keep pushing through but the stress or uncertainty can keep building. Instead, step back formulate the deeper question within you.  START WITH “HOW DO I ____?” How do I get through this? How do I make this happen? How do I know what decision to make? Usually this kind of starter question comes from wanting to solve the uncertainty circling in the background. Naming the problem that you want to solve is an important place to start. WHO DO I WANT TO BE IN THIS UNCERTAIN SPACE? For example, if the “how to” problem solving question is something like, “How do I have this difficult conversation that I really want to avoid?” THEN, pause, and ask yourself WHO you want to be in the conversation. “What is the kind of experience I want to create at that moment?” Maybe even, “What is mine to do and what might I just have to let go of?” WHAT AM I LEARNING ABOUT MYSELF AND OTHERS IN THIS MOMENT? Having clarity on what you can learn in the situation changes your goal. Rather than focusing on having the perfect conversation, you're focusing on the one area where you want to grow. It gives a narrow lens of focus to your approach. It's like creating a baby step.  WHAT MATTERS MOST TO ME? Instead of giving voice to problems, or identity or even growth, this kind of question is getting at your values. Especially in moments where we don't know what to do or the decision is creating some sort of angst for us – that's where our values are probably showing up. We feel the dissonance but we can't always put words to them. Giving voice to what's important to you nuances your question further. Because it isn't a one-size-fits-all leadership world out there. That's why questions that dive deep can be so valuable for becoming the leader you want to be. LINKS TO CHECK OUT Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Annie's Blog: Turn Your Advice into a Good Question Episode 1: Asking Powerful Questions Episode 10: Questions to Help You Make Decisions Episode 20: Back Pocket Questions to Save the Day Episode 30: Questions: To Ask or Not To Ask Learn more about Annie

What do I need to know to navigate transitions well as a leader? Personal and leadership transitions are a natural part of our lives as leaders. There is no question that at some point in your life and leadership you will be navigating transitions. Now imagine you are leading a whole group of people through a transition! The tricky part is that nobody traverses transition in the same way; and you've got to lead them through. Tim Austin joins us today to answer our listener's questions about navigating transitions. Having navigated his own major transitions, Tim also partners with leaders traveling through transitions to use them as fertile ground for clarity and growth. We create space for intentionality AND hold space to become aware of God's surprises that will come up along the way. (1:52) Engage the slowing down process rather than getting to the next thing as quickly as possible. (5:54) Debriefing, unpacking your story, telling your story. It opens up headspace and heart space for dreaming, which comes next. (7:41) If you see it coming and you can work toward building a team that will support you well in that transition and really hold space in different ways (13:41) We can often attach ourselves to our roles. Those aren't really helpful in transition. Transition is kind of a stripping away of these secondary identities to get to our true identity (15:18)  In transition we are simultaneously looking ahead planning, but we're also trying to bring closure to other areas. Use the RAFT Tool: (19:19) Reconciliation - closure to relationships Affirmation - celebrate and affirm Farewell - saying goodbye intentionally Think Destination - don't jump here before RAF While traveling transition, build some intentional rhythm and routines in your life that are non-negotiables. (22:13) LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Learn more about Tim Austin and Encompass Life Coaching Find Tim on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn Annie's Blog: Lead Through the Complexity of Change Episode 35: A Non-Anxious Presence in an Anxious World Episode 33: Stepping Back to Gain Perspective  Episode 31: Leading Well While Grieving Learn more about Annie

Frustration is bound to happen at work. And that frustration can lead to complaining or blaming. If we stay in the valley too long, we're bound to drag people down with us. Well, that's the focus of our leader's question today. Let's listen in: “Our team usually gets along well. It's still pretty good, but lately it seems there is more complaining, talking about each other and just general frustration. How can we keep a positive work culture when the vibe is getting negative?” Let's talk about what you can do to make a shift before the negativity habits settle in and create those ruts that get us stuck. GET CURIOUS, STAY CURIOUS Something has happened that has made you sit up and take notice of the shift on the team. Get curious about those things and start asking questions.  One of the biggest challenges for us as leaders is to not make assumptions about and instead ask more questions to understand what's really going on. The beauty of questions is they may not even know the deeper reason why they are frustrated. When you ask genuinely curious questions they learn something about themselves. And even that can shift negativity. THINK SMALL... it can feel urgent enough to want to do something big to solve the problem. Instead – think smaller! It doesn't have to be a big thing to turn around the culture. Culture isn't built in the one-day team building session. It's built on the small things people do every day. So think small … WHAT IF IT GETS STICKY? Now, here's the dilemma. In asking your questions, you might uncover that there are some BIG reasons behind the frustrations and a small shift isn't really going to solve the problem. You might have to step back and think a little of a bigger shift. Bottom line, when people start complaining and negativity sets in – it means that something is going on below the surface and you'll need to ask more questions to understand the felt need behind the negativity so you make the right shift.                  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Check out Solo Moms Talk with Jennifer Rosemarie Francis Annie's Blog: What Employees Need: A Great Place To Work Annie's Blog: Make Your Team Magic Episode 1: Asking Powerful Questions Episode 20: Back Pocket Questions To Save The Day Episode 30: Questions: To Ask or Not To Ask Learn more about Annie

When leaders are working from the gifts and talents that God has given them, they will contribute with more energy, go above and beyond, and stay motivated in the work they are doing. Even so, it's likely that not everyone on your team has found their niche and is able to bring their best self forward to the work. Let's answer this question today: "Everyone on my team is gifted so differently. How do I help them use their gifts and talents and accomplish our team goals?" One of the foundational things that needs to happen and really be affirmed, is recognizing and making sure that everyone on the team has kind of missional alignment. Are we all understanding our big mission? Are we all passionate about it? Are we all willing to stretch and bend a little bit to make that mission work? (6:16) One of our values is, everything is an experiment. And having that belief really frees us up to try things without that burden of feeling like we're locked in. That goes a long way with being able to try different things and encourage people to just try something. You might discover that you're really good at something that you didn't realize that you were, (8:39) When you see that impact happening in the people that you're leading, you've got to notice it, and you've got to point it out to them. it's a win win, because you're not only narrowing down and having more clarity about their gifts, but you're also being affirming. (14:19) A person also needs to know themselves and to be able to say yes when they want to say yes. And be able to say no, when they want to say no if something's not a good fit. If we could both work together with leaders saying, “Hey, I'm going to challenge you to do this thing that's a little outside of your comfort zone.” And, then as those that were leading, able to look at it and say, “Okay, yeah, I'm a little bit scared, but I can see it.” That's one way to match those up a little bit.  (16:47) At the end of the day, you are in charge of stewarding and shepherding your team dynamic. And sometimes, for a number of reasons, there's somebody who isn't a great fit for the team. And that could be a chemistry thing, that could even be a timing thing, it could even be a personality thing. It's really biting the bullet in a gracious way. Again calling back to the mission. (21:29) Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording Learn more about Andrea Coli on Facebook and Instagram  Check out Lead Bold and the September Conference or the November Conference Check out A Voice for the Hurting Podcast with Lori Armstrong  Annie's Blog: Learning Style Series Episode 13: And People Are So Different

"A proposal we've been working on didn't get approved. How do I break the bad news to the team?" One of those isolating experiences of leaders is the responsibility to deliver bad news. Often taking responsibility for doing the hard stuff even when it's not on you.  STATE THE SIMPLEST TRUTH CLEARLY When we deliver bad news our tendency is to want to soften the blow. Have some sort of “on-ramp” to the bad news. That is usually counter productive. Even a sentence or two announcing that you have bad news can ignite anxiety before you even deliver the bad news. Another mistake you want to avoid is placing blame or adding in excuses. You don't want to throw somebody under the bus. It really won't help. Instead, it's okay to be vulnerable about your own disappointment because my guess is that your team is feeling some disappointment, too. LET THEM GRIEVE I know that you want to move on and grief can be uncomfortable. Yet, it's necessary to create space to let our team feel the loss and express their sadness. You may want to prepare a one sentence statement about the consequences of not getting the proposal. Let the heaviness of the room be an okay space to acknowledge the loss. If someone's expression of grief turns toward blaming. Simply redirect them back to the simplest truth, acknowledge that it's hard and remind them that you will get through it together.  OFFER HOPE In the book Strengths Based Leadership by Tom Rath and Barry Conchie their research with over 10,000 followers in all kinds of industries showed that followers need four things from leaders: Trust, Compassion, Hope and Stability  When it comes to hope . . you may not know what's next. It doesn't have to be a detailed plan B, but a clear next step with a confident statement – “We will get through this. We've been through hard things and we will do it again.” Share stories of how you've overcome to remind them of their hope.  Questions will pop up along the way – so don't hesitate to ask a question!  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Episode 31: Leading Well While Grieving with Michaela O'Donnell Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams and Why People Follow by Tom Rath and Barry Conchie Narrator, Beka Kopenski, host of Open the Door Podcast Send your question HERE - in writing or by recording 

"What advice would you give leaders – especially those entering leadership for the first time" In this episode, we are joined by Jay Kim to answer our leadership question. Jay serves as lead pastor at WestGate, a multi-congregational church in the Silicon Valley of California. He's the author of several books. Jay is stretching our perspective as Christians on the human need for analog connection and our role as leaders in setting the stage for that human connection we need in a digital world. LESSONS FROM A LEADERSHIP JOURNEY What I have learned is that if there is a tension between going too slow or going too fast, my suggestion would be to err on the side of going too slow. I have discovered that in the moments when we chose to go slow, if we realized that we had maybe gone slower than we should have, there were creative ways that we could do the work to catch up. But in those experiences when I went too fast, the damage done is pretty difficult to undo.” (3:10) Almost always my instinctive reaction or response to a particular situation or circumstance, or challenge or obstacle is always immediately sort of the jumbled mess of my insecurity mixed with wisdom. Lack of experience mixed with my drive. I have found it's worth taking the time to take a deep breath, to walk away, to ask for time when necessary, to not respond right away, to not allow external forces to impose an immediate response or reaction. What I'm trying to achieve is clarity. I just don't want to make a decision until I have some semblance of clarity. (6:35) ADDRESSING THE FRENZY OF LEADERSHIP Frenetic shallowness is essentially the state in which most of us live most of the time, specifically in the digital age. It's frenetic not only because of our digital devices, it's frenetic because we are constantly moving from one thing to the next. (11:16) It's called frenetic shallowness, because that's what our frenzy does to us. It makes us really shallow. It actually just whittles us down to our most animalistic bare bones instincts. (12:46) BECOMING THE NON-ANXIOUS LEADER One of the primary responsibilities of a leader is to be a non anxious presence. If we live in a constant state of frenetic shallowness, we will be nothing but anxious. (15:10) What this demands is that we detach and untether ourselves from the frenzy and the frenetic shallowness that surrounds us. (16:26) [READ MORE about how to untether from the frenzy…] LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Connect with Jay Y. Kim or follow him on Twitter or Instagram (@jaykimthinks) Deep Work by Cal Newport A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix Notre Dame Study on Wellbeing at Work for Clergy What are Alpha Brain Waves and Why Are They Important Episode 28: What is a Moment of Holy Uselessness Learn more about Annie

“If a team member is under performing, what steps can I take to help them improve?” We all face those moments when someone on our team isn't performing the way we expected. The reason for underperforming isn't always what we think it is. What are the steps we need to take when trying to help someone improve? DON'T ASSUME. ASK. When things don't get done right, mistakes are made, deadlines missed, attitude surface or any other number of performance concerns … our natural response is to make some assumptions about why it's happening. We assume they don't know how to do something, when instead it was lack of clarity in the assignment.  (A simple fix is to improve clarity) We assume it's because their workload is too much, only to find out it's a skill they lack in prioritizing. (A simple fix is helping them develop the skill with accountability and support) We assume they are avoiding a task because they don't like it, but maybe it's lack of motivation due to a crisis at home, lack of role clarity or not understanding the “why”. (A simple fix is to address the lack of motivation)  BE CLEAR. BE KIND. I live in the land of Minnesota nice where direct communication tends to be avoided in favor of trying to be “nice.” When delegating tasks, communicating expectations, and getting the job done well, “Minnesota nice” needs to be set aside in favor of clear and kind communication.  Offer clear and well-defined expectations Give direct and kind feedback sooner rather than later Keep an open-door policy for clarifying questions along the way When the behavior of someone on your team is starting to frustrate you it can be easier to swing to being too kind or being too direct. Finding the middle space that is both clear and kind starts with getting clear on what specific behaviors need to change and why.  GET RESOURCES! I have a natural preference for Myers Briggs iNtuition preference in how I process information. I see in big pictures and general gut impressions of what the right direction is to go. At one point I was leading a team where everyone else on the team preferred the opposite – using Myers Briggs Sensing preference details and concrete steps is how they processed information.  Once I learned the differences in the way we communicate it was a lot easier for me to be clear in the way they needed me to be clear.  I learned that did a better job of being clear when I wrote it down – I would take the images in my head of what could be or should be and make them more concrete and put it into steps. That didn't always come naturally for me, but it's what my team needed from me to be clear; and that's kind. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Download a Communication Style Assessment based on MBTI Blog: Four Keys to Unlock Performance Episode 13: And People are SO different Episode 2: Offering Feedback Well Learn more about Annie

"It's been a surprising season in our ministry. Some great things are happening, and we've had a few setbacks, too. How do I step back and gain a little perspective and help my team do the same before we dive into this next season?" When things are a little busy in life and things are constantly coming at you – both the good things and the bad things, our vision can narrow and we might not notice some of the adjacent things going on that require some attention or even just noticing what we are learning or how we are growing in this season. Stepping back to get perspective is a leadership practice we can put in place in our life and leadership and that's the focus of our leader's question today. I've asked Lisa Lewis to join us in answering the question. The mindsets that we have as leaders that stand in the way of our leadership Addressing the self-limiting leaders have on how and when they can step back  Reflecting on the model of Jesus to step back and rest and care for self and others How to build in breaks into the different seasons of your life to care for the soul Finding rhythms of stepping back regularly or at times of transitions Changing spaces changes perspectives so change it up Responding to resistance to stepping back with “regardless“ and “nevertheless” Recognizing the deeper need within yourself and others to gain perspective Links to Check Out: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Find out more about Lisa Lewis Coaching Follow Lisa on LinkedIn Check out Let Go Lean In Podcast Episode 13: And People are SO different Learn more about Annie

My team is pretty new. How do I get a jumpstart on evaluating their capabilities? This honeymoon stage of a new team is a beautiful thing. A friend of mine recently started a new job and is living on cloud nine with excitement about the work, the role and her team. Everyone around her kept saying, “just wait a few months – you'll see how much work there is to do.”  That makes me a little sad – I know the honeymoon stage has to end and we need to get into the nitty gritty of work, but I just don't want to miss out on the good things that come in that season. Rather than just waiting for it to wear off, is there a way we can leverage that honeymoon season to establish some really great patterns and connections that make it better when we get to the hard stuff? I hope so . . . and the leader that offers us our question today is exploring the same thing. My first team that was new from the ground up was when I was managing a mental health clinic and we were awarded a grant that expanded our services significantly. I was a solo manager with one receptionist and we went to a team of five basically overnight.  After the frenzy of writing job descriptions and hiring and getting all the nuts and bolts in place it was my job to bring the team together. Now you have to remember this was pretty early in my leadership and I was pretty green. I think I saw the “task” or the job to be done as the most important thing we had to do. I organized, clarified, supervised – but was less effective at building team relationships. We stumbled our way through but I could have been a lot more intentional about investing in that honeymoon stage with more than tasks and structure. I wish I would have invested more in the relationships.  Now that I've gotten a little more seasoned, I would look back on that experience and offer myself three things: GET TO KNOW YOUR PEOPLE: Once you know what makes people tick – then you can help them design a quick win in those early stages which fuels their success and their willingness to stick it out later when the going gets tough. ADD A PERSONAL TOUCH: There is a role for friendship to play as we work together to achieve a purpose. Building that kind of relationship in that honeymoon stage would have really helped me when the honeymoon was over.  CELEBRATE THE CLARITY AND COMMUNICATION: I would also affirm my younger self for her ability to create clarity and communicate well. That really set the stage for my new team's success. Research on onboarding your new team talks about three things in the first 90 days to succeed: build relationships, clear expectations and establish quick wins.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Episode 9: Leading Your Friends First 90 Days: Proven Strategies for Getting Up To Speed Faster and Smarter Email me to ask about how you can use Myers Briggs, Clifton Strengths or Enneagram! Learn more about Annie

"How do you lead well while grieving?" In leadership you will face a variety of different seasons. Sometimes those seasons can be rough, and we will have to walk through grief while also leading well. That's the focus of our listener's question today and I am joined by Dr. Michaela O'Donnell to explore how to do that well. Michaela speaks from her experience and research on meaningful work expressed in her book Make Work Matter: Your Guide to Meaningful Work in a Changing World. The book is for all of us who want to untangle ourselves from all the mantras about work that don't quite work. Check out these highlights from our conversation: Managing loss and the risk of loss in the midst of adaptive change (5:32) Going through pain instead of around it without getting stuck in it (6:21) Understand the rhythms and name the layers of grief as you experience it (9:52) Collective grief to recalibrate to mission internally and the society at large (10:30) Learning how to lean in and let go in the face of grief (14:03) Three things you can do as a leader: Model effective capacity to manage grief in the midst of work (17:07) The capacity to enter into someone's grief, but not take it all on (18:44) A team that knows how to go in and out of grief with each other (20:13) The capacity to grieve in tandem with hope (20:48) God that chose to weep with us and is present in our grief (24:55) The arc of things being better than they are now, of God making all things new (25:31) Hope leads to resilience and navigating through the grief of failure (25:55) LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Learn more about Michaela O'Donnell and Max De Pree Center for Leadership Follow Michaela on Instagram or LinkedIn Get Michaela's book: Make Work Matter Connect with our narrator Jeffrey Hardwick and A Transforming Word Ministries Episode 11: Stop the Stress, Please! Episode 3: When the Workload is Too Much Learn more about Annie

Questions are a great way to draw out the great potential with your people: to solve problems, to grow, to perform better. We can use questions as leaders to explore, to listen, to understand.  You've got to ask yourself, though, is there a time where questions are not useful?  My answer is definitely yes!   WHEN YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER These are the kinds of questions that start with “Have you thought about …” and then you offer the answer. Asking a question like this can feel condescending without meaning to. It may insinuate that your team member didn't know what they needed to know. Your intention to empower and draw out the best in our team is not the impact you actually had with the question you asked. If you already know the answer, it's best to just share it rather than ask a question. Sometimes as a leader your job is to offer a directive rather than use a question. WHEN YOU NEED TO GIVE ADVICE Advice as questions sounds something like, “Why don't you just do THIS?” Advice disguised as questions can shut down the conversation rather than adding to it. For advice to be effective, it needs to be accepted or rejected by the receiver of the advice. When the conversation shifts from questions to advice, it's best to signal your shift in the conversation. Ask if you can offer advice or simply say that you would like to share some insights from your own experience. If it's advice and not a directive, then they have the option to take it or leave it. If it needs to be a directive, simply tell them what they need to do.  CORRECTING PERFORMANCE Rather than being direct and clarifying expectations, leaders can sometimes think it will soften the blow if they phrase their performance expectation as a question. It sounds something like, “Why did you finish the report like that?” It can accidentally put your people on the defensive feeling like they have to justify their behavior by answering the “why” of your question. You're better off just clarifying what you need by saying something like, “Thanks for doing the report. I was looking for additional information about X. Can you add that in by Friday?” We will keep playing with questions in this podcast. They are a great tool to help you build that team you've always wanted and help them become the leaders they want to be. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Episode 1: Asking powerful questions Episode 10: Questions to help you make decisions Episode 20: Back pocket questions to save the day Learn more about Annie

The team is split on a decision we need to make. It's a no-win situation. How can I approach making an “unpopular” decision? Before I dive into today's question, let's talk about what you could do to avoid or minimize those no-win situations. YOUR PRO TIP: Talk about how you will decide before you have to decide. For example: (1) Define what decisions can be made by individuals, the team as a whole and what goes to the leader. Talk through specific examples to see where they fall. (2) Open up the conversation with a qualifier – If you set the expectation of what you need from them at the beginning of the conversation, you'll do less clean-up work. When you are about to make the unpopular decision – and you might not even be sure it's the right decision, here's a few tools to have ready in your toolbox: Tool 1: THE MEETING BEFORE THE MEETING You probably know which people on your team are going to be unhappy with the decision. Talk to them before you make the announcement to give them a heads up on the direction you are going OR use that conversation to get clear on their concerns so you can be prepared to manage the resistance that will come after the decision. Tool 2: EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING Sometimes people don't need you to agree with them or decide their way – they can move forward if they feel understood.  Restate their position in your own words so they know you get their point Validate ideas that you would consider even if the timing isn't right Affirm the value you place on their input even if you decide different Tool 3: ALIGNMENT NOT AGREEMENT So your third tool is to think of your goal as alignment (moving in the same direction) rather than agreement (they share my stance or opinion on this decision). What is it that they can align to and move forward even if they don't agree? Try these two questions: I know this isn't the decision you expected. How can I help you support the decision? What will you do going forward to make this decision work for you? The biggest mistake in making unpopular decisions is moving too quickly away from them to avoid the backlash.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Meet our narrator, Eric Nevins of Halfway There Podcast  Join Eric in Christian Podcasters Association today. Episode 27: Disagreements and Team Cohesion Episode 24: What If We Disagree On Direction? Episode 10: Questions to Make Decisions Blog: Need a Team Decision-Making Framework? Learn more about Annie

It's a holiday week, so let's take a little “vacation” break from answering a question. One thing I like about holidays is that they are like periods in a run-on sentence. A moment to pause and take a breath so you can say or write the next sentence more thoughtfully.  After traveling through a very busy June with a little guilt that I should have been balancing my life better, I took a few days on the lake with girlfriends. I was reading a magazine and the author of the article posed a question, “Can we afford a moment of holy uselessness?” I don't really like the word uselessness so it caught my attention . . . then pairing it with holy? It did bring to mind the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10 when Martha is pulled away by the bustle of the kitchen and Mary chose to sit at Jesus' feet.  As I reflected on usefulness, I felt this release from my overbusy June and the guilt that I had been too much of a Martha. I'm confident I was in the right place and it was the right time to be in my Martha-moment. I'm also confident that I want to be in that simple space of learning how to receive from Jesus in this Mary-moment I am now entering.  Sometimes I need to be a Martha and sometimes I need to be a Mary. The secret for me is discerning which moment I am in.  Holy uselessness is those moments simply for no other purpose than to know Him. To RECEIVE. To hang out with Jesus. What moment are you in? I considered holy moments of uselessness where people in the bible simply RECEIVED. Maybe they will be an invitation to you like they were to me: NOTICING AND WANDERING – like Adam and Eve walking in the garden in the cool of the morning noticing the goodness that God has created. LISTENING AND SOAKING – like Mary responding to the invitation of Jesus to sit at his feet. EATING AND SLEEPING – like Elijah in his exhaustion and disappointment with God was led to the brook where the Spirit fed him, and he rested and then fed him and he rested. PONDERING – like Mary, the mother of Jesus as she heard great things and took them into her heart to think and meditate on them. EXPERIENCING – like the wedding party and the feast where Jesus performed his first miracle of turning water into wine so the crowd could experience celebration and joy. Isn't it interesting that Jesus' first miracle was “useless”? RECEIVING– like the lame man who could do nothing but receive from four friends who brought him to Jesus and tore the roof off to receive the healing and forgiveness of our savior. RELEASING – like Peter at the sea of Galilee with Jesus after his denial and Christ's resurrection. Jesus asks Peter 3 times if he loves him. Each time releasing the doubt, the grief, the shame, the lies to receive truth and love. I'm going to practice some of these other moments and invite you to do the same. Let me know how it goes for you and what you notice! LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Episode 11: Stop the Stress, Please! Episode 3: When the Workload is Too Much Learn more about Annie

What is a mistake you witness leaders making more frequently than others? We are bound to make mistakes as leaders. Some of those mistakes can turn into patterns. And these patterns can really get us in trouble – and make a mess of our teams. Well, let's stop those patterns before they start in this discussion with Tim Winders, strategic coach, author and host of SeekGoCreate, a podcast and youTube interview show. From his own journey, Tim shares with us three principles of leadership he has observed over the years and the mistakes that emerge from the opposites of these three principles: Love, Faith, Peace. The “fix” for leadership mistakes is not more techniques but learning how to be a better human who demonstrates these qualities in every area of life and leadership. LOVE INSTEAD OF APATHY Considering others - schedule time to think about what your people need from you Offering timely praise (and correction) Balancing task-driven results with nurturing and caring for people Study people who work with you and adjust your approach FAITH INSTEAD OF SELF-FOCUS Being a steward instead of “being in charge” Shift from the mindset that it's all up to you Recognize there is more to life and leadership than you See that you need to return what you steward better than you received it PEACE INSTEAD OF CREATING CHAOS Bring peace instead of creating chaos to create job security or dependance on you Remove roadblocks for your people and create an environment to succeed While there is true urgency, if you sense chaos step back and look at why Unsubscribe, turn off notifications and instead build in quiet . . . or even silence!   LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Find out more about Tim Winders and SeekGoCreate Check out the book, Coach: A Story of Success Redefined Find out more about Jeffrey Hardwick and A Transforming Word Ministries Episode 11: Stop the Stress, Please! Episode 3: When the Workload is Too Much Learn more about Annie

We are having a hard time getting through disagreements on the team. What can we do to move through disagreements and create more cohesion? Let's take a deeper look at what could be the source of those team disagreements. Which of these is tripping up your team? Or if it's more than one, where would you start? FACILITATING MEETINGS You will need a brave soul who can facilitate and guide the team through disagreements. Someone willing to learn how to navigate group dynamics to address things like: One person monopolizes the conversation, others don't say a peep  You start on topic, only to have the group get lost down some rabbit trail Someone has a “pet” issue totally unrelated to the topic that derails the conversation Meetings feel unproductive and people are complaining about them A seasoned facilitator uses techniques to keep the group focused while accommodating new information that surfaces and redirecting when necessary for future discussion.  MAKING DECISIONS If you are seeing things like unproductive meetings, returning to the same topics or people lacking commitment later after they agreed to something, you may have a decision making process problem.   How are decisions made on your team?  Who has the authority to make which kinds of decisions? Do people know when they have say-so and when they don't?  Do they know their roles and responsibilities even if they don't agree? Do people have enough information on the decision to execute it? PERSONALITY AND RELATIONSHIPS If it's a personality or relationship source of disagreement, you may still see conflicts surface. Maybe you'll be fielding some frustrations directed toward individuals instead of the topic. People might start taking things too personally and shutting down.  What I am about to say is going to sound crazy simple – are you ready? Sometimes people just need to feel heard and validated instead of having their idea or comment challenged every time they speak up. Listening and validating perspective is not the same as agreeing – but it is like a master key that unlocks the gateway to understanding what people need to be able find agreement OR figure out how they will manage themselves if they can't agree. Cohesion is built by this basic regard for each other in the process of disagreeing. It takes time to listen and seek to understand – but if you do it, you will probably move faster through the disagreement and have more cohesion. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Episode 24: What if we disagree on direction? Blog Series on Meetings Episode 1: Asking powerful questions Episode 10: Questions to help you make decisions Episode 20: Back pocket questions to save the day Learn more about Annie

Now that we are a bigger team we've become more like “silos”. I miss the creative thinking that came naturally to a smaller, adaptable team. What can I do to hold on to that creative thinking? There is something beautiful and wonderful about the creativity and innovation that necessarily emerges in the early growth stages of an organization if the vision is going to survive. As organizations grow they necessarily need to organize some of that chaos of those innovative approaches that are actually working to sustain growth.  So, can we have both structure and creative thinking? I vote yes! I'm an idealist and I always think there is a way – I will almost always answer yes to a “both / and” kind of question like what you are asking. Now, I don't think it will happen naturally. I am not that much of an optimist. You need to be clear on what you want to take with you into the next season of growth and what you are willing to leave behind. Then, you need specific strategies you can experiment with to retain creativity. Here's a few to try: CROSS FUNCTIONAL TEAMS – a cross section of the “silos” in your organization that come together for a specific initiative or to address a challenge that the whole organization is facing. Others start seeing the bigger picture and can share the load of growth of the whole, not just their area.  A “BRAIN TRUST” – Put smart, passionate people in a room together, charge them with identifying and solving problems, and encourage them to honestly share ideas, opinions and criticisms – of the idea and not people! Facilitate it well and hold to ground rules so it doesn't get off track. CLEARNESS COMMITTEE. It's a quaker practice of convening a group of people to join you in seeking Holy Spirit guidance and engaging communal wisdom in a specific situation. The goal is for the participants to utilize listening, questions and discernment to draw out the inner wisdom you already possess but may not currently be aware of. Evaluate the experiment to see what worked and what didn't. Be okay with failure. Challenge your failures so you don't end up with a culture of “we tried that already and it didn't work.” Keep experimenting with new things to find what works right for your team's creativity.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Check out past podcast episodes More on Brain Trust More on Clearness Committee Scott Reavely and Aeirc Estep in City on a Hill Podcast Learn more about Annie

How do I align myself with the leader of my team when I don't quite agree with the decision or the direction we are going? Can good things come from disagreeing with someone? I imagine when you hear the word disagreement your brain goes to arguments, positioning, power plays or even broken relationships. We do live in a world that struggles with disagreeing in healthy ways. Often unity and agreeing are seen as the same. Is it possible to pursue unity with a desire for moving forward together and still make room for disagreements?  The word that catches my attention in your question is “align.” Agreement is having the same opinion about something. Alignment is about the positional relationship between things – an alliance or linkage for the purposes of working together. We need teams that are aligned – but not necessarily in agreement. Listen in for my own story of finding alignment. Here are a few things I learned:  Timing matters – I brought it up early before we moved to execution so there was room to make changes without having to stop the engine and redirect. Humility matters – I was honest and direct in bringing up my concerns but not oppositional. It gave my leader space to explore alternatives instead of digging in his heels. When the decision was final, I chose to follow – You see, I still respected aspects of the decision. I learned more about how the industry works in the process and found the linkages of alignment where I was able to work together.  How do YOU align? It's a personal journey that you have to walk your own journey.  We don't naturally hold space to engage in disagreement well. Respectful dialogue takes practice … something that we don't give ourselves or others the grace to do very easily.  The kind of dialogue you're trying to do is about slowing down, asking questions, listening respectfully – all things we know we should do but are sometimes hard to do in the heat of the moment.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Meet our narrator, Tim Winders of Seek, Go, Create Podcast Check out Tim's book Coach: A Story of Success Redefined Episode 16: Talk to Your Boss About Boundaries Learn more about Annie

  "The impact of the pandemic has left the board less connected to what we are doing in the organization. How can I strengthen relationships with our board of directors." The tension of many Executive Directors I talk with is the delicate balance of reporting to the board and leading their board. The board governs the organization and yet as Executive Director the health of the board is your responsibility.  Well, it's not surprising that the pandemic took a toll on relationships! Crisis has a way of doing that and with the separateness and isolation we experienced in this particular crisis, you're probably not alone in having to manage some of the relational impact on your board. WHERE HAS THE CONNECTION MOST SIGNIFICANTLY BEEN LOST? If they're disconnected to the mission – they might not know all the things you are doing because you've been meeting less or not “in person” it's easy to lose pace with what's going on. It's worth taking the time to bullseye what has been lost so that you can target that bullseye with how you want to re-connect.  WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE CONNECTION BEING LOST, WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM THEM? Once you have a “bullseye” it's time to drill down and get specific on what it is that you really need from them. If you were to imagine a future where your board is “in it with you.” What would they be doing? How would it help you? What would they gain? If you were to ask them to do the one thing that is most important to you, what would it be? WHAT DO THEY NEED THAT THEY DON'T HAVE TODAY TO PURSUE THAT CONNECTION? If you've been thinking through the questions I've mentioned so far . . . and you see what's disconnected and what it would be like to have the connection you want, then it's time to ask yourself: What does your board need that they don't have right now to strengthen that connection? INFORMATION: Do they have the information they need? IMPACT: How do they experience the realities of work you do and its impact? INSPIRATION: So, what's the long game? How does that inspire your board members?   Hey, it could just be that your situation is a board of directors composed of friends and colleagues that came together to launch this ministry. It could just be simple relationship building strategies to get back to that space as friends and colleagues on a mission.  So, get on the phone, behind zoom or over coffee and ask a few questions. Find out where they are at and what they need because needs may have changed! You know me, I'm always a champion of questions. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Meet our narrator, Eric Nevins of Halfway There Podcast  Join Eric in Christian Podcasters Association today. Episode 9: Leading Your Friends Learn more about Annie

Two employees left my team just before the deadline on a big project. How do I change my approach to meet the deadline? We've all been there when our carefully laid out plan goes awry because of circumstances outside our control. Our impulse is to dive in more and drive harder to reach the deadline.  I really like your perspective here about thinking through how you need to change your approach. If you just keep on the same trajectory with fewer people and try to keep it going in the same way that spells disaster. The project will be compromised and you will be compromised because you will be tired, frustrated, burnout and ready to quit.  Taking the time to step back and think about it or talk about it might be more helpful than any thoughts I might share. Let's talk about three approaches: YOUR PROJECT APPROACH One option you have is to take on the tasks of the two people that left and just work harder. You might have some volunteers you can recruit or a temp staff you could hire. And, if this is the first time it's ever happened for you then that might be a great one-time approach.  If it's a worn down path, it's time to rethink the project. Maybe the deadline can be moved, maybe the project can adapt or become more focused. In nonprofits we have big ideas – they really can be tempered and still be effective. It's hard to let go of some of the “cool” ideas we might have but are really time consuming. YOUR PEOPLE APPROACH To narrow the scope of the project probably means having some influencing conversations with people involved in the project >> it might be other leaders in the organization. Board members. Volunteers. Communication is going to be a key to rethinking your people approach. Some people will be on-board and some won't. You're under a time constraint so you may not have the luxury of getting everyone on board.  If it's a repeated pattern, as a leader, you might have to re-think your leadership approach. YOUR LEADERSHIP APPROACH Look at your own work patterns – is your personal drive driving your people crazy? Organizational patterns can be a reflection of the leader – and it cascades down in the organization. Look at your priorities. You probably have too many. Sharpen your focus on those things which are critical or core. Release those which are essential but maybe don't have to happen right NOW and those which are supplemental – great ideas, but not critical to your mission. Putting priorities in those three buckets can help you bring more focus to the projects of your team and be helpful when you have to say “no” to a really good idea. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Narrator, Beka Kopenski, host of Open Door Podcast Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Annie's Blog: Series on Overwhelm Episode 3: When the Workload is Too Much Learn more about Annie

How do I bring out the best in an employee who has been mandated to a program of professional development — and they absolutely do not want to engage. This sounds like an “eat your vegetables” kind of moment. Am I right? When I first hear this question a knot in my stomach forms >> mandated training just goes against my grain. Yet, when I settle myself down a bit. I know of several situations where I am a firm believer in mandated training. Let me reflect on three of them . . .  Safety – You just can't opt out of this kind of information that could save your life or the life of another person. In this case I would be an advocate for mandated training. Legal - Some churches and nonprofits can get themselves into a mess because they didn't know what they were supposed to know. Mandating this kind of training may be the only way to emphasize its importance because it will never feel immediate until it's too late. Skills development – This third one is probably a little “on the fence” for me. What if you have someone on the team who doesn't have a particular skill that the job really needs. If their job is at risk and it's a critical skill you might need them to develop to do the job. Let's say this third situation is your dilemma. What can you do to reduce resistance? WHAT IS THE “INVITATION” BEHIND THE MANDATE? As a leader we are often the instigators of decisions so we see it deeper. We've had more time to let it “soak” in. You might need to give them the same “on ramp” and time that you have had to see the need and soak in the impact. That's the invitation behind the mandate. Max Yoder in Do Better Work says, “People don't change when they are told to. They change when they're inspired and motivated to.” WHAT IS THE SOURCE OF THEIR RESISTANCE? If you do decide to dig into the resistance, you might find a key that you can unlock to bring out their best – even if it's mandated training that they absolutely do not want to engage. Download a list of questions to brainstorm ways to get below the surface and gain insight into the resistance. UNDERSTAND THEIR LEARNING STYLE People do learn in different ways. I recently did a blog series on different ways we like to learn based on our Myers Briggs Personality Style. Some people are more hands on, others more academic, others learn better with others, still others might be interested in some kinds of content and disinterested in other kinds. Check out more in the Learning Styles Blog Series. If you know their learning style you could look for ways to supplement the mandated training or adjust the training in ways that might connect to how they like to learn.  SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T MANAGE RESISTANCE… Even if the conversation doesn't lead to less resistance, you've still planted a seed that may have an impact even if it wasn't readily received. The best you can do is keep the conversation going.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Annie's Blog: Learning Style Series Episode 19: Recovering from Mistakes Learn more about Annie

If you ask profound questions … you'll get profound answers. If you ask shallow questions … you'll get shallow answers. If you ask no questions … you'll get no answers at all.  ~Bobb Biehl Master Planning Group International Asking great questions is a #1 leadership skill to practice over and over and over.  Good Questions will save you from making mistakes.  Good Questions will save you from offering advice when people aren't ready. Good Questions will save the conversation when you discover hurt feelings, offenses created or resistance to your leadership direction.  The secret to these kinds of conversations is pacing … to slow down. As leaders we are often driving to the conclusion of a conversation – getting to a decision, establishing agreement, planning a next step, collecting the information to take the next step… While not every question needs to be profound, pacing conversations and slowing down with deeper more thoughtful questions when you notice some of those non-verbals: facial expressions, squirming in the seat, looking away or looking down, wringing hands, stunted responses like “I don't know” or “I'm not sure” is your secret to great leadership.  If you've got a challenge, I have three options based on our quote today.  A: I can just let you talk, because you're not looking for answers and questions aren't what you need right now. You haven't found your answers and if you follow my advice, what you do will likely be unsustainable for you and your success will drop significantly.  B: I can ask: “What do you want to do about that?” This narrower question timed right can still be a good question. Timed wrong and I might hear – “I don't know” “I'm not sure” and those shallow answers are unhelpful.  C: I can ask more profound and expanding questions like: “What makes this difficult for you?” or “What is circling in our mind because of this situation?” or “What's the message that you're telling yourself about this?” These kinds of questions tell you that I think you're capable and I care about you The better you get at it, the better your conversations will be. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Annie's Blog: Want to Be A Better Leader? Focus Your Conversations Episode 1: Asking Powerful Questions Episode 10: Questions to Help You Make Decisions Learn more about Annie

"I know everybody makes mistakes. How can I turn mistakes into opportunities for learning and growth?" We all make mistakes and sometimes they can be hard to recover from so we tuck them away someplace safe and hope we never make them again. You're probably noticing that it's not a great strategy. Those mistakes haunt us unless we can turn them around and learn and grow from them. To answer your question I am joined today by Laura Padgett host of Livin' What You're Given podcast and a multi-published, multi-awarded author and dancer. She holds a Master's degree in storytelling through creative movement. Laura's writing, storytelling and dancing is surrounded by the purpose and passion of helping others see their worth and value through the lens of Jesus. I think that lens is so important when we are reframing the mistakes in our life. Listen in to more of our discussion on: Finding hope in mistakes when we look through the lens of Jesus Recognizing that “pobody's nerfect”, Laura's signature saying How perfectionism leads us to deny mistakes and fail to learn from them “If you can't get real, you ain't gonna heal” It's difficult to grow under the umbrella of blame and shame Leaning into the Holy Spirit to reveal the baggage that might be holding us back Simple daily practice to accepting our humanity and the humanity of others Hold space in our life for the lessons from mistake to come to us Denial costs you a lesson. Pushing it down the road means it will happen again Making amends after a mistake is for YOU not others or the relationship Admitting your mistakes ripples through teams creating grace and authenticity   A shout out to J. Rosemarie Francis who offered us her voice as narrator to today's question. She is host of Tools of the Podcast Trade taking the confusion out of podcasting AND Solo Moms Talk, connecting stories of solo moms globally.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Annie's Blog: Mistakes: The Unexpected Leadership Gift Livin' What You're Given Podcast Laura's Books: Dolores Like a River & Jesus in Shorts More about Laura Padgett  Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter Learn more about Annie

Hiring the right person is really tough right now. What do I need to know to hire right and how do I find the right person? Finding the right person – especially as a small business or nonprofit – is challenging. You're in a hurry to get that new candidate in place to do the job but it's slow.  WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW FIRST What are the qualifications and qualities for success…specifically? You need to know specifics – but not just big bucket words like, “organized” “detail-oriented” or “good communicator” or “great at building relationships”. Look at the job description and pick 3 skills to do the job that you can't live without Then identify 3 culture qualities based on your org values or leadership competencies     What are your criteria for evaluating top 3 qualifications and culture qualities?  Develop your own system to prioritize resumes or sort out top candidates after the first round of interviews. Try a (1-5) rating system for each quality. See more HERE. You can't evaluate the culture qualifications in the same way – they most likely won't show up on the resume, but you could create a similar system of evaluation post interviews using a 3-point system or even be a pass/fail scale. How do your interview questions reflect the 3 Qualifications and 3 Culture Qualities? Ask interview questions to evaluate your 3 qualifications and 3 culture qualities. Your questions should look and sound like the qualifications or qualities you are hiring for. Click HERE for ideas to get you started. HOW DO YOU FIND THAT RIGHT CANDIDATE? Document or Talk Through Your Evaluation After you have completed all your interviews and gotten to your final selection or two or three. Document your comparison of candidates for a more thoughtful decision. You might be a verbal processor – so instead find someone talk through each candidate based on the top 3. Seek Wise Counsel Wise counsel is so important when you are on the fence.. Bring in a board member as a sounding board Add others in the organization as interviewers Consider hiring assessments to compare final candidates Spend time praying in through with moments of quiet reflection     It was a broad question and it's a broad answer – but narrow it down! What is most important to you for your next hiring decision? What do you think has been the sticking point for you in the past? What connected most on what could make a difference for your team?   Start with ONE thing you want to try with your next hiring decision. LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Complete Show Notes HERE Learn more about Meg Glesener and Letters from Home Podcast Patrick Lenccioni's Hungry, Humble, Smart Annie's Blog: Hiring Right the First Time Learn more about Annie

What is motivating to one person isn't motivating at all to another. And as a leader, you've probably figured out that not all incentives work the same.  “Some people on my team are motivated by competition. How could I nurture a little competition without compromising the health of the team?” You've done something differently with competition in how you are asking the question. It's that positioning that is key to unlocking the answer to your question.  WHAT IS COMPETITION? Let's start by talking about competition as a strength. That's how you started the question – some of the people on your team are motivated by competition.  A compare and contrast way of seeing the world Motivated by rising above some standard they can compare to others  Looking for something they can measure themselves against Cheering on others to pursue the goal Fueled by people who can push them to be better     LEVERAGING COMPETITION You might be concerned that competition can turn unhealthy in a team setting if you get caught up in comparing. Couldn't it be a vicious cycle? Stop the cycle by anchoring into what success means to the whole team. The beauty of teams – and a healthy team culture is embracing and leveraging this strength for the good of the team. AND sometimes dialing it back so that other team strengths can come to the forefront. Call out other strengths that you see and figure out how you can leverage those in motivating the team.  EXPERIMENT WITH A LITTLE COMPETITION Experiment with an idea. Check in on it with the team about how it felt for them. Reflect on what you would do differently and based on the feedback how often you want to spice it up. Then, try it again. You can use the same approach - experiment, check in, reflect, try again – as you identify other motivations of the team so your only spice in your spice rack isn't competition. Besides it will be more flavorful if you add in a variety of spice combinations. Thanks for the question! You've probably got more questions and you don't have to settle on one. Because in leadership we've got plenty of questions as we live in that tension.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Gallup's CliftonStrengths Theme: Competition Episode 13: And People are SO Different Episode 9: Leading Your Friends Learn more about Annie

  "I work for a boss who does not have good boundaries around work and time. He expects me to continually live in crisis mode...responding to his urgent requests. How do I set and keep boundaries in my workplace so I don't sacrifice my family or my own health?"   Our last episode Eric Bailey and Annie Perdue-Olson discuss the first part of the answer to this question. How do you know what your boundaries are for YOU? Setting purposeful boundaries is the starting point to dive into the second part of the question in this episode. Once you know your boundaries, how do you have the conversation you need to have with your manager? HOW DO YOU MANAGE THE DIFFERING PERCEPTIONS IN THE SITUATION? Perception guides our behavior NOT reality. Perception is not reality! What you say or do matters less than what they hear or what they feel. Shifts the onus of communication to the communicator – “if I need you to hear me right I need to communicate differently.”     HOW CAN YOU DOUBLE CHECK YOUR PERCEPTIONS? Most boundaries are perceived expectations – check in to see if they are true Clarify what they expect and co-design good boundaries with them. As a boss, check on what implied rules you might be communicating. Making demands creates defensiveness; curious questions disarms them     HOW DO YOU MANAGE THE EMOTION AMIDST THE CONVERSATION? Recognize your physiological symptoms that serve as clues. Breathe, ask yourself a difficult question to re-engage your executive thinking function. Tell them the conversation is difficult for you to encourage empathy. Assume they have your best interest in mind – the “how” might be different. Watch for their physiological signs and pause, check in and make them feel safe again.     The most amazing feeling is when we feel completely and totally understood by another person. Why don't we spend more time trying to give that experience to others? It doesn't mean you have to agree. It's this space where you acknowledge you HEARD them. It releases all kinds of oxytocin in our brain that can shift the conversation.  LINKS TO CHECK OUT: Send your question HERE – in writing or by recording  Learn more about Eric Bailey Follow Eric on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter Check out the Cure for Stupidity: Using Brain Science to Explain Irrational Behavior at Work Learn more about Annie