How Rude! The Full House Podcast

Well, here it is, gang, the very last episode of How Rude! The Full House Podcast. There really isn't much to say here because we honestly left it all on the field during our recording. A sports metaphor? Here? And now? You know it, baby. Here are the returning voices you'll hear during this big ass finale: Eddie Klinker, Molly Jones, Lindsay Lewin, Johnny Kyle Cook, Brian Holden, Clayton Margeson, James Dugan, Bill Nielsen, Tony Springs, Alyssa Davis, Hope Rehak, Fred Pelzer, Chris Johnson, Matt Kidd, and Alex Marianyi. They're amazing people, as are all 134 honorary Rude Dudes and everyone who has listened to this goofy show. Should we even bother to mention how Steve's girlfriend in Fuller House is named CJ and not JD? Probably not. It's the last episode! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 

Brandon and Jon are back for one final bonus episode, and for this solemn occasion they're bringing two more torrid tales from the world of FH literature. In "Sugar and Spice Advice", idiot mop Stephanie decides she's old enough to run her own business before proceeding to run said business into the ground. Stephanie, you may be able to cook (under special circumstances), but the world of business? She ain't for you. She's ain't. FOR YOU. I mean for God's sake, she considers naming her business Good Food. What the fuck is wrong with this person? In "Hip, Hip, Parade!" we follow 4th Grade Class President Michelle as she tries to cobble together a school float for the Erotic Fall Festival Parade. Will she succeed, or will she be undermined by novelty fish heads, grumpy ass fuck face 5th grades, and one prig fuck dance instructor? Only time will tell. Full House books, it's been a blast, but we gotta say goodbye once and for all. So goodbye. Once and for all! XOXO

Ethan Link (co-host of the Don't Quote Me podcast) is a yummy little macaroon ally of the LGBT community and our FINAL honorary Rude Dude. But that doesn't mean we treated Ethan any differently, no-no-no, far from it. Ethan, like his 133 predecessors, had to watch a perilously awful bit of television, and that bit of television is known as "All Stood Up". Jesse and Kimmy are at war. DJ and Michelle are at war. Stephanie and her new beau Ryan? Oh, they be at war, especially after Ryan makes the mistake of standing up our poor, sweet, dumb as potted dirt Steph. Who will win? Who will lose? WILL THE WORLD EVER BE THE SAME? Also: We preview some red hot summer bops from the impending How Rude! album, assess the acting skills of the Zwick children (they stink), and play one last round of Catchy Catchy, so don't move those earbuds from your waxy canals. We absolutely forbid it! COMING UP: One last bonus episode before the big finale! XOXO 

Will Biby (proud cat owner and former resident of Mulkeytown, IL) is our penultimate guest, which means he had to sit down and watch a particularly tiresome retread of an episode known as "Leap of Faith". Remember the what has to be nearly a dozen episodes in which Jesse worries about losing his mojo? Remember how in every single one of them he learns family is more important than risking your life for a cheap thrill? Well, now Becky gets to learn that lesson. Except, no, in this instance she learns that taking a risk can be exhilarating, especially when the person you love is right there beside you. But also ... Jesse is a sexist asshole who shouldn't enforce double standards on his wife. And also ... fuck it, God almighty just fuck it. Michelle is soy excited about seeing the Counting Cows in concert, the twins are flushing anything they can get their salty sodium hands on, and Joey cannot stop eating. Don't worry, we take more than a bit of time up top to discuss the menu and oppressive work culture of El Bloato, rest assured. Want us to read your email during our Saturday, July 1 finale recording? Shoot that lovely message over to thehowrudepodcast@gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you one last time! XOXO

Ballroom dancer and Holidazzle alumni Grace Pelzer joined us this week to watch and discuss "Up on the Roof", in which Joey's latest business venture proves to be his stupidest and DJ's attempt at campus levity results in a man's death. Wait, does it? Does this end with a murder? I can't really remember in hindsight. Look, there's a sweaty security guard and a principal who rocks a toupee, that much I do remember. Meanwhile, Brandon is defending the Dust Buster, Jon is leading an improv workshop, and the group is reflecting on senior pranks, skips, and struts. It's classic How Rude! shenanigans, and if you miss out then you lose out, ya hear? XOXO

Bo Durham is a master of confectionary creations and his redneck wedding is going to knock your socks off (because no one wears socks to a redneck wedding). He's an honest to God Wizard of Oz ruby red gem and we're so glad he joined us to discuss "Taking the Plunge". DJ didn't get into Stanford and she's bummed. Kimmy didn't get into a single school she applied to and she's genuinely depressed. Everyone cares about DJ, no one gives a genuine shit about Kimmy (not really). It is in this moment Kimmy finally realizes what she needs to employ, and that's straight up fucking Emotional Blackmail. Disturbing? Yes. Effective? God yes. Meanwhile, Brandon has thoughts on Hotel Transylvania 2, runts, and Frankenstein mice. You know, the usual shit Brandon has rolling around in his Brandon brain. YOU KNOW. XOXO

Bryan Duff doesn't understand why a World Class Stick Man like John Stamos has been relegated to TV while someone like George Clooney is considered an A-lister. What happened? What is George's secret? They were both on ER! We take a hard look at the 3rd Batman's resume while also discussing Don Rickles, lawnmowers, and how Gia is not Hillary Swank, who is herself not Jennifer Garner. Oh, and I suppose we also discuss "We Got the Beat", in which Stephanie humiliates herself by being less prepared for a talent show than small children. One of those small children is Derek, who, I'm sad to say, will never be seen again on 'Full House' after this episode. Goodbye, sweet Derek, we wish you all the luck in the world. Find your community! Follow your dreams! Never back down! XOXO  

Bill Nielsen (host of the So Many Bits podcast) may wind up taking home the prize for Best Childhood Catchphrase. It's honest to God adorable and I would never spoil it here, you'll just have to exercise some patience and hear it for yourself! Bill joined us to watch and analyze "Dateless in San Francisco", in which Danny frets over a Valentine's Day date with Claire (who we never actually seen onscreen, in a clear display of cutting production costs); Aunt Becky frets over the dimming ember that is her love life; Stephanie tries to woo a straight up WEIRD looking dude; and Michelle, having seen all of this heteronormative bullshit on clear display, uses it to justify her obsession with Teddy. It's some of the most White People Bullshit we've ever seen from this show, and that's certainly saying something. Also: Could the Fonz win in a thumb war with Uncle J? And why is Joey still allowing himself to be the subject of unwanted sexual advances? Does he like it? Does he need it? Are we blaming the victim here? Who knows! All we know is that this podcast. Is. Fabulous. XOXO

Alyssa Davis was a wave and a hungry American child. Alyssa Davis is a fan of her manatee, Mr. Jelly Bean. Alyssa Davis will always be a member of the How Rude! family. It's all true! This week we're watching / discussing / groaning over "Air Jesse", in which Jesse feels the sting of homophobia (for once) when it's revealed he knows absolutely nothing about basketball. Ha! Imagine! A man not knowing about basketball! To be fair, he didn't give a shit about the Super Bowl, so this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Meanwhile, Stephanie has made Becky a blouse so hideous it's forcing her to lie like a snake. Does she feel bad about the lie? Sure. Does she care enough to do something about it? No, Becky's fine. Becky's just. Trying. To live. Her LIFE. In other news, we discuss the family appeal of Avatar; discover Alyssa and DJ are hair twins; and concoct a new musical for Patti LuPone. P.S. It's not Baba Booey. It's Baba Looey. Our apologies, Baba! XOXO

Thomas Kelly is another proud member of the We Love Aunt Becky Fan Club. Aunt Becky is kind, smart, and a great mother. Aunt Becky is a beautiful, bodacious babe. And she deserves a hell of a lot more than the callous, petty monster that is Uncle Jesse. It's not like we needed more proof of this, per se, but "My Left and Right Foot" is more than willing to serve it up. It also makes more than a bit of time to examine Michelle's fragile psyche, a delicate glass bauble that shatters with the realization that her feet are fucking disgusting. Really, she's just like Kimmy in that way, and I think we all know how the Tanners feel about Kimmy (they hate her they hate her they hate her). We also discuss the comedian's dress code, tackle some world records, and face some personal demons, all while wondering what it would mean to take your Cat Lady to Shoney's. So don't go anywhere, true believers, because you know what they say: Egg Sell Seashore! Right? Stan Lee? We watched Guardians II this weekend. XOXO

Chris Woolsey is pretty sure you can't waltz into a dive bar like Weeb's with a bunch of small children. He's pretty sure Aaron's father is a disgusting creep and he's pretty sure a hat that has its own HANDS is a fashion no-no. You know what we're pretty sure about? Scratch that, we're certain: Chris is a fabulous fellah and a fantastic honorary Rude Dude! This week we're discussing "Super Bowl Fun Day", in which Joey's decision to become an Official Fan of Football leads him to act like a total fucking asshole, even if it means screwing over DJ's scholarship interview with Mimi. Dear Joey: Fuck you. Also on the agenda: We bask in the glory of Derek's one liners, discover the shallow depths of a dead man's resume, and learn about the single stupidest Super Bowl halftime show in recorded history. Missing out would be a crime, so don't fucking be a criminal! XOXO

Christine Wines adores cooking shows, celebrity news, and a neoprene beer koozie. She's totally chill and nuts-o bananas, the perfect Rude Dude to have by your side while wading through "The Producer". Yes, once again we have to watch a wretched Danny Tanner wrestle with his own ego as Becky rises through the ranks of Wake Up, San Francisco. There's way too much going on at the periphery of this episode, from DJ and Stephanie's infantile obsession with sweets to Joey's snack food crisis and Jesse's inability to discipline his kids. "Wait, how many times has this show talked about how shitty Jesse and Becky are as parents?" Like, at least six. Like, half a dozen times, there's no way it's less. Is the show spinning its wheels, desperately trying to get to the finish line? Oh, you butter your biscuits, it is. Also: Drake Bell is not dead; our branded Apes content goes horribly awry; and we learn about the truly horrifying Blue Whale challenge that's rocking Europe. Get in on it! XOXO  

Lauren Walker is our honorary Rude Dude for the week and she is more than a little suspicious of the "park vandal" subplot that resides within "D.J.'s Choice". And for good reason, since it really, really reeks of white suburbanite disdain. But you know what cures white suburbanite disdain? Wiping. Wiping will cool the embers of this outrage. Quick, the rags! To the slide, everyone! WE MUST WIPE! Elsewhere, D.J. is being torn between two guys who cannot stop yanking on her Goddamn arm. Nelson: Maybe use some of your money to take a gender politics class. Viper: Maybe take a break from penning garbage love songs and learn to accept a woman's clear fucking answer. Men: Maybe get it together overall. We also learn about the Golden Gate bridge, watch an insane commercial, and learn which singers you should hire if you want to win our love. It's great!  P.S. We totally forgot to discuss this episode's "cold stinger", in which Jesse punishes Joey for destroying a hammer by stapling him to a fucking fence. Enter a mangy dog who may or may not proceed to piss on Joey / eat his ass out. Who the fuck even knows with this show anymore? XOXO

Aasia LaShay Bullock and Jon are in agreement when it comes to Santa: He is not necessary. If you want to raise your children sans Claus, then you should do it and save yourself the trouble of spinning progressively more complicated lies. Brandon Shockney does not agree with this opinion. Brandon's grip on the joys of Santa is like that of a bear trap upon your very leg. It is unyielding. It is dangerous. And it is probably going to kill us with time. But enough about Brandon being crazy. It's Christmas time at the Tanner house once more! "Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen" sees the Nuggets turning a sickly yellow at the very mention of old Chris Kringle, while Jesse and Michelle are finding themselves the hostage of a wildly cranky Mickey Rooney. Will anyone make it to Christmas Day alive? Doubtful! In other news, Aasia is taking us on a tour of hands free wine tech while waxing on her love for teen witches. And that movie we discuss? It's called 'The Star' and Oprah is not playing one of the animals, spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, Keegan-Michael Key is the dove, and Kelly Clarkson is playing a Goddamn HORSE.  Did we mention how thankful we are for the 101 RATINGS in the iTunes Store? Because we're incredibly thankful and are so happy to have you as a listener. "Me?" YES, YOU. Thank you! XOXO

Kip "Kippy" Reiserer has so many genuinely great / mildly disturbing stories about living the frat life you'd need at least two Late Plates to get through them at all. He's just the Rude Dude you wanna have in the room when watching / discussing "Under the Influence", in which Kimmy acts like a total asshat at her first frat party and manages to dig up a ghost from DJ's past in the process. That's right, we're finally going to learn about how Pam died. Finally. In season EIGHT. We're also going to talk about food maids, group showers, and pass out a few frat-appropriate nicknames, so if you're ready to stink it up college-style, we got ya covered. Hashtag meat muffins. Hashtag sleeper dorm. Hashtag rock chalk. Be sure to follow Kip on Twitter (@kipreiserer / @ww2facts) as well as Instagram (worldwar2historypics)! P.S. The viciously chronic eater Kip talks about in this episode absolutely had a nickname, as verified by Kip shortly after we completed our recording. That nickname: Mad Dawg. Sounds about right!

Lisa Beasley has mastered the escalators and navigated the mall and its many splendors. She is between five and six Subway sandwiches high and was slash is a fan of Full House, so does that make her an honorary Rude Dude? Yes, of course it does, you dumb dummy. She's great! We were so happy to have her by our side as we watched and discussed "Stephanie's Wild Ride", in which Steph and Gia meet a pair of impossibly stupid high school boys and Michelle's hazily defined video game becomes an obsession for the adults in the Tanner home. We also take time to marvel at the casual viciousness of childhood slang and tell stories we would have never told our parents when we were still in our youth, so stay tuned! Never let your mind wander from this podcasting greatness for a second! XOXO And remember, we're aiming for 100 reviews in the iTunes Store, so don't abandon us in our hour of need. Write. Those. Reviews! We're at 95!

Take a peek at our forthcoming podcast venture with this special pilot recording! We tackle the last week in movie trailer releases and rate them according to a scientific system: Stub It, which means we'd pay to watch it on the big screen; Stream It, which means we'd be willing to rent or check it out via Netflix or a similar service; or Skip It, which means we're likely never going to see it in our lifetime. What do we cover in this session? Check it out: The Boss Baby / The Last Face / Black Butterfly / My Cousin Rachel / Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie / Baywatch / Wish Upon / Churchill / Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri / Queen of the Desert / Justice League Stick around as we pick our Best of the Week and journey into The Vault to watch a trailer from the not so distant past. Wanna hop on this podcast juggernaut as early as possible? Follow us on Twitter, @thetrailerspod, and you'll be the first to know when the show has officially gone live. You won't regret it! XOXO

Tyler Samples (Rabbit Hole: A Wikipedia Podcast / The tl;dm Podcast) only had access to ABC as a child, so his television diet consisted entirely of nothing but TGIF programming. He's seen 'em all, my puppies, and that includes "Claire and Present Danger". What's it about? It's about Claire. Well, no, it's not really about Claire. It's about how Claire dating Danny affects Michelle's position in the childhood peking order, and she's not about to have that disrupted. "Oh-uh! I do not think so!" She's livid. Meanwhile, Jesse is trying to make good at a "sold-out" Smash Club performance, but Viper's troubles with DJ may end his comeback before it can even begin. My God, the stakes. The delicious, sizzling steaks! We also make time to discuss a new bottom shelf board game and track the shirtless career of a young, promising actor by the name of Keanu Reeves. This is some good shit! Don't forget, we're aiming for 100 reviews in the iTunes Store before we record our series finale, and at this point we're so close, you guys. So close we can taste it on our pink little tongues. Get us over that hump, me lovelies! XOXO

The boys are back and they're bearin' the books once more for a boo-tiful bonus ep, my bonnie babes! Jon kicks things off with a report on "Truth or Dare", the first in a Club Stephanie trilogy in which the middle Tanner sister finds herself caught between romance and professional aspirations while at Camp Sailaway. Can she achieve her CIT dreams and capture the hearts of a lovely, luscious, oh so lickity-splickity Luke? Jon will never know because again, this is the first entry in a trilogy, and he's never going to read the other two. Oh well! Then Brandon caps the day off with a report on "Problems in Paradise", in which Michelle is haunted by THE CURSE OF THE GREEN LAGOON and Stephanie once again falls ass backwards into the lap of luxury while visiting sunny Hawaii. These books are dumb. Want us to read more? Let us know?  And remember, we're shooting for 100 iTunes reviews by the time we get to our series finale, so if you haven't taken the time to visit the iTunes Store and leave your thoughts, we need you now more than ever. More than ever! XOXO

Megan Brennan may not be the genetic equal of the Olsen twins, despite what her mother may say, but she knew the importance of rules from an early age and how optimism can help you avoid life's phantoms. The world can be a terrifying place, what with the terror of Sneaky Petes, the terror of chicken nugget babies, and the terror of improvising your steps at an Irish feis. That's why we needed Megan as we watched "On the Road Again", a traumatizing tale of fathers and father figures trying their best to bend a nearly grown ass fucking adult woman to their whims. In other news, Jon is learning about Jimmy Eat World and the full color spectrum of noise, and Megan may or may not know about a certain day walker named Blade.  Also: We're shooting for 100 iTunes reviews by the time we record our big finale, so the work starts NOW. We're at 90. Get us. To. 100. Help us achieve our goal!   P.S. The name of the song is "Revolution Mind".

James Dugan knows exactly what he wants from his entertainment, whether it be from the TGIF lineup or the Power Rangers canon, so when he tells you this week's episode of Full House is nonsense, you better believe 'im, baby. "You Pet It, You Bought It" is honest to God one of the stupidest things we've watched since we started this enterprise in May of 2014. It's just straight up about Michelle buying a donkey and that's pretty much it. There are Civil War gags, there's an endlessly reoccurring bit about the Three's Company theme, but beyond that, there is literally nothing here. To make up for the lack of content, Brandon shows off his best Salem, Jon shows off his best Trump, and James talks about the hottest day he can remember. Also, Brandon doesn't know his Hitchcock from his own cock. Stop reading and start listening! XOXO

Geoff Dow spends an inordinate amount of time watching YouTube videos that actively call the viewer's sanity into question. He's a Wood Pusher, a Gladiator lover, and his artistic skills cannot be matched, at least when it comes to sketching one of our beloved Rude Dudes. Can you say the same for yourself, kind sir or madame? I thought not! Geoff joined us to watch and discuss "To Joey, With Love", the first example of a FH episode where the title has honest to God fuck all nothing to do with its plot. Seriously, why is this called "To Joey, With Love"? Please tell us. Please send an explanation to thehowrudepodcast@gmail.com. So what is this about? Well, it's about Joey's disastrous turn as a substitute teacher for Michelle's class, which we're pretty sure is Failed Career #11 for poor Joe-Joe. It's also about Jesse, who hates his brother-in-law, and Danny, who hates the very idea that anything could happen under his roof that doesn't directly beat his ego off. Everyone is a disaster and nothing matters, this show sucks eggs. But Geoff is great! XOXO

Clayton Margeson returned to the How Rude! studio just so he could spend an inordinate amount of time playing Mary-Kate and Ashley: Sweet 16 - Licensed to Drive, a Gamecube title that defies logic and thumbs its nose at the very idea of fun. Seriously, this is a bummer of a game, and we honestly feel sorry for the poor kids who actively sought it out or received it as an ill-advised gift. But hey, if you always thought the Mario Party games were a little bit TOO varied and moved a little TOO quickly for your taste, you're gonna love the fuck out of MK&A:S16LTD. We also take a moment to imagine what a proper Full House video game would be like and quickly come to realize that 2002 was the worst year for music in the history of both music and years. Jeff Coffee, we hardly knew ye. XOXO

Sometimes the content presented in a random episode of 'Full House' reflects the experience of our guests all too well, and that's the case with Damian Anaya. His story about a particularly secret Secret Club is just delightful and we can't wait for you to hear it. Yes, it's time to discuss "I've Got a Secret", a 20+ minute chunk of nonsense that's stuffed to the brim with plot. Michelle is dealing with her batch of doofus chums, Kimmy is sending DJ into a jealous froth by going out with Nelson, the Dads are making back alley bargains with The Seedy Man, and Jesse and Becky are taking a moment to go over their respective Fuck Triumphs. We also discover Share King Aaron hails from the Pet Semetary, no big deal. XOXO P.S. Kathryn Zaremba, who plays Michelle's pal Lisa, comes off as an Annie knock-off because she WAS an Annie knock-off one year prior to this episode, playing the role in a musical sequel called 'Annie Warbucks'. Was it off-Broadway? You bet your sweet buttons it was off-Broadway. But the New York Times loved her, so what the fuck are we even talking about? You're a star, Kathryn, a star!

Surena Marie's first party had all the conventions of a TV sitcom: Saying you're going over to a friend's house? Check. Teenagers drinking? Check. Sneaking back home without anyone noticing? Check and check! So you can see how she could relate to "Making Out Is Hard to Do", in which Stephanie stumbles into a steamy lip-lock marathon hosted by bad girl Gia. Except ... do make out parties exist? Have they ever existed, or are they merely the creation of creeps who write for TV sitcoms? The world may never know. Plus: Jesse is having his 40th mid-life crisis, Jon is talking way too much about Starbucks' history with boycotts, and the Rude Dudes find out they're honest to God no better than the Rush Hour Renegades. It's ... a chilling moment, to be sure. P.S. What the fuck happened to Mickey? Did Gia kill Mickey? REST IN PEACE, MICKEY. XOXO  

The Rude Dudes are on their tummies for another delightful bonus episode ... but are those tummies ... filled with ... pizza-pizza? No-no-no. Too early for pizza! Instead they gorged on heaping helpings of 'You Again?', a 1986 sitcom in which John Stamos and Jack Klugman bounce off each other in true Odd Couple style, and 'Topsy-Turvy House', the honest to God Russian adaptation of 'Full House' in which a creepy as fuck ginger monster dotes on frightfully skinny children. Neither is ESPECIALLY compelling, but hey, you're not here for the content. You're here for those goofy, doofy, oh-so poofy Rude Dudes! Right? You're here for them? Please love us. Them. Us. THEM. XOXO

Mike Migdall has a girlfriend. Okay? Do we have this down? He's also our guest and the latest in a long line of honorary Rude Dudes, which means we made him sit through the thoroughly uninteresting and wildly pointless "Breaking Away". Yes, it's finally time for Nicky and Alex to enter preschool. Remember when they were admitted into that fancy preschool like ... two seasons ago? Well, NOW it's time for them to go. Except now they're just going to some public skank ass preschool so I guess absolutely no one in that writer's room gave a flying fuck. We can assume there was a high amount of turnover in that room though, right? Maybe literally no one remembered that original plot point. Who cares! We also learn a lot about Jackie Chan Adventures while trying to determine if Mike has ever ordered a pizza. Has he? We're asking. And then: We read a very nice email from a listener! It's great! XOXO

Lindsey Smith had a dream of one day visiting the mysterious and exciting world of her local (dilapidated) mall's Under 18 dance club. Alas, like the dreams of sitcom characters we know all too well, her dreams were stymied ... by FAMILY. Oh, family, when will you set us free? Why do you pin us to the earth when we so long to FLY? Lindsey, otherwise known as Boss Mommy, is here to help us discuss "Comet's Excellent Adventure", in which Jesse's dream of being a rock star officially dies because no one will leave him the fuck alone for two Goddamn minutes. Meanwhile, Comet is getting straight fucked as if he's not going to be dragged kicking and screaming back to the Astroturf hellscape that is the Tanner home. Live life while you can, Comet old boy, because that sweet Lassie love won't last forever! XOXO

Sometimes it's difficult to see the forest for the trees, and sometimes you have to say fuck the trees and burn down the forest if you hope to make it out alive and with your sanity intact. That's why we invited Brad Pike back to watch and discuss EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of 'Full House' Season 7. Those episodes: It Was a Dark and Stormy Night; The Apartment; Wrong-Way Tanner; Tough Love; Fast Friends; Smash Club: The Next Generation; High Anxiety; Another Opening, Another No Show; The Day of the Rhino; The Prying Game; The Bicycle Thief; Support Your Local Parents; The Perfect Couple; Is It True About Stephanie?; The Test; Joey's Funny Valentine; The Last Dance; Kissing Cousins; Love on the Rocks; Michelle a la Carte; Be Your Own Best Friend; A Date with Fate; Too Little Richard Too Late, and ... last but not least ... A House Divided. We survived, damn it, and now we can tell the tale of our experience. Is it harrowing? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT BY GOD.

Brandon and Jon are ringing in the New Year by taking some recent feedback to heart and trying something different for the podcast. This week they're deconstructing "Fuller House: New Year's Eve Countdown", which is about the Fuller House characters counting down to the New Year on New Year's Eve. We hope you enjoy the trivia and our overall explanation of what happened. XOXO

Justine Krueger is back to help us sift through the remains of 'Fuller House' season two: A Tangled Web! Glazed & Confused! New Kids in the House! DJ and Kimmy's High School Reunion! Nutcrackers! Happy New Year Baby! We got through every single sloppy second of it and were pleasantly surprised to find that it's actually better than the former half of the season ... in some ways. Pro: Multiple black actors are given speaking roles. Con: The show decides to give Max a girlfriend in a display of bizarre, difficult to quantify homophobia that is honestly astonishing. Important note: We're taking two weeks off for the holidays, me lovelies, so we'll see you again come January 9. We love you. We'll miss you. But you will never be far from our minds. Creepy, right? XOXO

Carlos Luna is back in the Rude Dude Studio to discuss the first SEVEN episodes of 'Fuller House' season two. "Welcome Back" introduces us to the Ashton Kutcher xerox of a xerox that is Jimmy Gibbler. "Mom Interference" introduces us to CJ and Crystal, characters I'm sure we'll all grow to love over the next twenty seasons of this Goddamn show. "Ramona's Not-So-Epic First Kiss" introduces us to the Irish culture while freaking Brandon right the fuck out. "Curse of Tanner Manor" introduces us to Halloween while "Doggy Daddy" introduces us to a dog who can really take a hot corned cob down his throat like a champion. "Fuller Thanksgiving" introduces us to a hip as fuck Danny Tanner (who we somehow completely forget to mention), and "Girl Talk" introduces us to the new and improved Gia. Also: Straight twelve-year-old Jon asks Carlita out to the Hippie Hop and it doesn't go well. XOXO

Brandon and Jon are back and their bellies are fit to burst with boffo bonus babies, baby. That's right, they're giving birth to little bonus babies. Isn't it beautiful and also a word that starts with "b" that is synonymous with disgusting? This time around your intrepid Dudes are forsaking screens and diving into the world of fine literature with "My Best Friend Is a Movie Star" and "The Story On Older Boys". In the former, poor Michelle must contend with the fact that some people are more treasured than her if she's ever going to make a rich as fuck friend. In the latter, a 14-year-old Stephanie manages to convince everyone at DJ's college she's a freshman because everyone at DJ's college is a fucking moron. Also: Brandon takes a Best Friends Test that may or may not determine the future of his friendship with Jon. Who knows? It may ... and it also may not! XOXO

Flip on your snit and bop on your soggy bounce because it's time for another delicious / nutritious bonus episode! This week our tummies our full of pizza once more as we discuss the 1986 Bill Allen / Lori Loughlin vehicle 'Rad'. It's the timeless story of a white guy who wants to do something and everyone else is like "No way!" and the white guy has to take a stand be all "YES way." Have you seen any number of underdog sporting flicks from the '80s? Then you 100% know what you're getting into with this nonsense: Gouda good music, villainous yuppies backed by snarling, corporate bastards, and enough Canadian background extras to fill three Tim Hortons. Maybe you didn't expect the Canadians. How am I to know? P.S. Jon accidentally refers to the miniseries 'V' as 'Z', so if you wanna call him out on that ... don't. Be nice. Being mean is not rad! P.P.S. Brandon still has that third floating wish from when we covered 'The House Meets the Mouse' and God help us all when he chooses to have it granted. XOXO

Numbs 1: Meghan Murphy is a fantastic, extraordinarily funny person and we were so happy to have her serve as our latest honorary Rude Dude. Numbs 2: She's an enormous Disney nerd and an expert when it comes to their theme parks, which makes her the perfect person to discuss "The House Meets the Mouse". Is it little more than a 40-minute commercial for people who were on the fence about visiting Walt Disney World? Of course not, and we wouldn't have it any other way. Numbs 3: Brandon got a black eye while riding a damn roller coaster and only his Mother can provide answers as to why this happened to him. For why, mother? For why? P.S. Did you notice Brandon never cashed in his third wish? Brandon just has a floating fucking wish that he can use whenever he wants now! He's more dangerous than Michelle Tanner, I do say, I do say. XOXO

Rob Grabowski of the Remake podcast and Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts in Chicago joined us just in time to mourn the death of democracy ... in more ways than one. True, Trump is our next President, and that's beyond horrifying, but what the fuck is going on at Steve's senior prom? Who's counting THOSE votes and why are we assuming they have our best interests at heart? All I'm saying is that if Kimmy and Gorilla had been taken seriously as candidates they would have been wearing those crowns at the end of the Goddamn day. But no, heaven forbid Rachel and her Stevie not get to stand on that stage, they "earned" it! LOCK. HER. UP! So anyway, "Prom Night" is on the menu this week and it's real fucking dumb and I cannot believe Trump is going to be our next President. But hey, we're still alive, we're having fun, and Jon's gonna throw a pizza prom next year, so maybe it will all be okay. Maybe. XOXO

Nathan Kaplin could have gone to his very grave without having seen a second of the nonsense that is 'Full House'. But what happened to him? We happened to him, we did, we did. We took Nathan, we sat him down, and we made him watch "Room for One More". Fine, we didn't *make* him watch it. We asked him very nicely and he agreed to do it. But even so. Even so! We ruined this young man and for that we should be punished. Punish us. "Room for One More?" is all about Jesse and Becky wanting to have another kid. Their ultimate decision blows our minds and from this point forward we honestly have no idea what is coming next. Like, seriously, what the fuck is going on? Also, a pig named Scruffy is on the scene to warm our hearts and make our blood run cold, and he's the best part of the entire episode. We love you, Scruffy, please eat us out. XOXO

May Tilden took a short hiatus from writing wedding jingles to help us deconstruct "Grand Gift Auto", in which Uncle Joey desperately tries to assert himself as a person worthy of the family's respect. Can he do it with flashy material goods? Can he do it by appealing to the Tanners' basic human decency? No. And no! You will never be truly loved, Joey, you simple, dithering fool. YOU WILL NEVER BE TRULY LOVED. In the midst of this discussion we also make time to plan a Broadway in Chicago revival of 'Grease!' and solve a maddening food mystery, so if you think that might tickle your fancy bone, then get to listening! Did you write a five star review in the iTunes Store, you Goddamn bum? Can we appeal to your basic human decency? PROVE YOUR LOVE. XOXO

Bonus episode? Bonus episode! To celebrate the Halloween season, Jon and Brandon filled their tummies with pizza and are on the floor to tell you all about "Strip or Treat", the 4th season premiere of Freeform's 'Baby Daddy' sitcom. Our experience with 'Baby Daddy' taught us a few things: Straight male friendships are awesome and uncomplicated, young women are shrews, old Moms don't deserve pleasure, and Latin men are mucho-mucho sex gods. It's a moldy, lame show, is what we're trying to say. We also make time to pitch Brandon's new idea for a series and ask an all too important question: Is Tahj Mowry gay ... or should we just simmer down? Happy spooky-ooky Halloween! P.S. Since the recording, Jon has lowered his rating of "Strip or Treat" to 2.5 Baby Daddies.

Caitlyn Schwimmer is our honorary Rude Dude for the week as we tackle "Subterranean Graduation Blues" from top to bottom. What else do we do? We learn about bar and bat mitzvahs. We tuck in with an icy bowl of Coldies and Cream. We examine Caitlyn’s tomboy / girly girl aesthetic. We diagnose Spacey Lady. We discover a trilogy of Candace Cameron films that simply must be covered in the near future. We create an appropriately disgusting ad campaign for El Bloato. We learn about a cat named Jafar. And we swap terrifying train tales. What more could you want? What more would you have of us in these trying times?! We love you. XOXO

Jack Felker is our honorary Rude Dude for the week and she knows a few things to be true: Dinosaurs are real. You should never come at her thinking you know more when it comes to Boy Meets World trivia. And the little boy from Brooklyn is probably her son. This week we’re trying our best to move through “Please Don’t Touch the Dinosaur”, in which Stephanie cleans Joey’s disgusting car and Michelle destroys a hastily thrown together, four million dollar exhibit. We also conceive of a brilliant series for Netflix (well, we have the brilliant title, at least) and marvel at the intricacies of Crossroads, so don’t miss out! And please, if you please, please do not touch the dinosaur! XOXO

Collin Dahlgren (otherwise known as Brad Pike's nemesis) joined us for what is unfortunately one of the most depressing episodes of 'Full House' in existence. And not simply because it involves child abuse! "Silence Is Not Golden" also makes room for a disgusting gentleman known as the Funny Buddy when it's not being distracted by atrocious book report antics. It's proof that maybe not all shows were cut out to tackle the inherent challenges of a Very Special Episode, is all we're saying. What else do we got? Well, Joey is the last living citizen of Dresden, Comet is a Time Lord, and Collin was a latchkey kid who turned about a dozen of his peers gay through the magic of backyard wrestling. It's great stuff, so get those ears ready, true believers! XOXO P.S. Be sure to check out Collin and Margaret Lebron's new podcast, You Gotta See This, which premieres this week!

Brad Pike thinks you have a beautiful singing voice and that you're a ten! He also thinks your daddy-daughter dance was absolutely disgusting. What is wrong with you? And what the fuck is wrong with poor Michelle in "The Heartbreak Kid"? She's fallen in love with her sister's man and no one is setting her straight. Wake up, you dumb baby, HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. Meanwhile, Jesse is wrangling with his new Xbox 360, Danny and Joe are at each other's throats over a phantom woman from their past, and sexy Garfield is making everyone cum. Yum-yum! XOXO

James D'Amato of the One Shot podcast is here to assure us that lying is fine. In fact, lying could get you exactly what you want, even if people discover you have been lying. It's great! That's what we're supposed to take away from this week's Full House adventure, right? In "Be True to Your Preschool" our resident toe-headed chicken nugget barf blobs are trying to get into Snob Academy and the only thing standing in their way is their own father. Meanwhile, Kimmy is tooling around in The Wild Thing, a car that belongs to an unseen character we could not be more obsessed with if we tried. Who are you, Garth Gibbler? What is your story? In other news, Brandon is over math lessons being injected into FH, James is looking back on his 16th Hibachi Birthday, and Marco the Gangster is terrorizing the San Fran populace from his cell. Can anyone stop him? SHOULD anyone stop him? XOXO P.S. A shoutout to Subi Shah for this week's highly disturbing album art!

Subi Shah and Cher Vincent are no strangers to the world of deconstructing television: As the hosts of 'Gossip Girls' they know what it means to tackle a show one episode at a time, but they were smart. They picked a show they actually, actively enjoy, whereas we've trapped ourselves in a padded cell with a dopey sitcom we basically can't stand. Thankfully, Subi and Cher agreed to help us bear this wretched cross by watching "Birthday Blues", the episode in which Kimmy finally calls everyone on their shit. Why do they hate her so fucking much? Because her feet stink? As Subi asserts, all feet stink! Butts too. So get the fuck over it, Tanners! Meanwhile, Subi's predictions for the future are scaring the crap out of us, Cher is going into a fugue state while at the bank, and Jon's 21st birthday party was a lame duck disaster. We cannot recommend Subi and Cher's podcast enough, so if you're looking for more TV talk in your life, you're gonna love 'Gossip Girls'. Subscribe today! XOXO

Ian Williams may have had his career as a professional ironing board surfer cut tragically short, but that didn't stop him from being our 101st honorary Rude Dude. We'll hear all about Ian's creepy daycare pal, his first date at the age of sixteen, and get a world premiere catch phrase by the time this comes to a close. Unfortunately, we'll also have to putter through "The Dating Game", which is ... not great! Everyone is trying to capture the elusive magic of the "perfect" first date: Stephanie is trying to court Josh, who may or may not be gay dumdum; Danny is trying to reignite a spark with Vicky with a disgusting meat boot; Joey is desperately trying to fuck his boss, and Steve? Steve's just trying to eat, dude. Whaddya got? Fruit? Cool, dude. Donuts? Cool, dude? Tin can found amongst the briny shoreline rocks? Cool, dude. XOXO

Mary Catherine Curran rolled over to the studio on her fly as hell Pepsi bike because she's our 100th unique guest and that's how she fucking operates. M-Cat joined us for "A Very Tanner Christmas", in which the two youngest daughters learn an important (offscreen) lesson; Steve alters his life plan for DJ, and Becky complains about the gilded cage she has built for herself. Other items on the agenda: Michael Jordan, too much tickling, and sexy dangerous spank bank cinema. Remember, everyone, it's the people that make Christmas special, not the presents, and if someone wishes you a happy holiday season, push their non-secular ass into traffic. P.S. Thank you to Mary Catherine and the 99 incredible Rude Dudes who came before her, you are truly the reason why we have been doing the show this long. Merry Christmas! XOXO

Lilliana Winkworth showed up for the podcast wearing a fabulous loofah costume and she is not apologizing for it because it is 2016, baby! Join us as we review "Designing Mothers", in which Danny must once again tackle his fear of change and the Rush Hour Renegades fear for the soul of rock and roll. Will a new woman in Danny's life ruin his chances for happiness? Will a new woman in the lives of the Renegades ruin their chances for happiness? Do women just ruin shit all of the time, is that what we're supposed to fucking get from this? In other news: Snow globes, Sondheim, and a sexy new woman in Brandon's life might be ruining his chances for happiness. It's a brand spanking new episode of How Rude!, baby, so let's get down to it! XOXO

Greg Yates braved the insanity that is Chicago's Market Days celebration so he could record our 110th episode and for that we thank him. We thank you, dear Greg, for sitting with us and watching "I'm Not D.J.", in which Topanga and Brace Face (AKA "the Jennifers") pressure poor Stephanie into getting her ears pierced. Is she ready? Should she have placed her trust in Kimmy, a girl who is only trying to help but is consistently demonized by everyone around her? Perhaps only Stephanie can answer these questions. She is an individual, after all! Oh, but back to the gratitude: Thank you, Greg, for enduring the scene at Uncle Jasper's Kiddie Kuts, otherwise known as the Well of Infinite Nightmares. And thank you, Greg, for telling us about your retainer mendacity and the worst haircut he ever received. We love you, Greg! XOXO

We learn a lot in this episode: We learn that the childhood fears of honorary Rude Dude, Gabi Moloney, were more than justified when you look at the terrifying evidence. We learn that doing 'shrooms in the forest comes with some basic safety rules you can't afford to ignore. We learn how Emma is a total butt. And we learn that Jon should never be the editor for a sleazy tabloid mag. But more than anything we learn that Michelle has lost her grip on the power she once wielded so effortlessly, all because a Norwegian Goat Boy and the Mutt Man are freaking her shit out on a daily basis. Can she spot a ray of hope in the form of her Uncle Joey, a man who has been terrorized by a closeted homosexual since his college days? We'll learn the answer to that question as well. Learning. Is. Fun. Duh. MENTAL, BABY. XOXO

TJ King could not be more relaxed. With his authentic Japanese fan he is able to cool himself with minimal effort, and he has the sort of confidence one needs when you're a turtle who learns how to fly. He's got that X-factor, baby, and you can't teach that shit! Join TJ and your lovable co-hosts as we dive into "The Play's the Thing", in which an amazing young man named Derek destroys Michelle's world with the kind of talent she'll never possess. EVER. In other news, Danny is fucking with Becky's routine and Steve is being a whiny little prick. We debate the merits of Popeye's versus KFC, envision a better, more honest play for kids called America: The Real Shit, and come to realize that TJ is our second guest to confuse Dave Coulier with Jeff Daniels. LOOK! HERE COMES THAT YANKEE DOODLE BOY. XOXO