Podcasts about me yes

Neil Leyland is a Chief Contact Center Strategist at InterVision, and he is an exceptional PMP and six Sigma black belt certified senior-level program leader and a proven problem-solver. A highly motivated achiever with a career history in sales and operations management for international multi-unit retail operations.  Possessing excellent interpersonal, presentation, written and verbal communication skills, which are used to solve problems, consult on technology projects and develop long-term collaborative relationships.  Questions · Could you share with our listeners a little bit about your journey, how you got from where you were to where you are today. · Could you tell our listeners a little bit about InterVision, what they do and what your role at InterVision is? · When you say holistic approach using AI and machine learning, can you explain to us what that means? Is it that robots are going to replace human beings? Or are you looking more from a support side, just tell us how it is that you actually see it working? · Could you share with our listeners, what's the one online resource, tool, website or application that you absolutely can't live without in your business? · Could you also share with our listeners maybe one or two books that you've read that have had a great impact on you, it could be a book that you read a very long time ago, or even one that you've read recently that has impacted you either professionally or personally. · Can you also share with our listeners what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you are really excited about, either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people. · Where can listeners find you online? · Now, before we wrap our episodes up, Neil, we always like to ask our guests, do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge, you will tend to revert to this quote if for any reason you get derailed or you get off track, the quote kind of helps to get you back on track. Do you have one of those? Highlights Neil's Journey Me: Neil, could you share with our listeners a little bit about your journey, how you got from where you were to where you are today.   Neil stated that you can probably tell, he's not from the US, although he's based there now. Finishing up from university, he went straight into working for enterprise, Rent a Car, did probably 20 or so years with them. Worked from the main counter at a rental office all the way through to leading an area. Then he moved countries during that time and started working more on the technology side and being far more strategic as opposed to tactical.   Then settled in St. Louis, got married, had kids, and then moved through several different companies, picking up good and bad practices along the way, and he's ended up at just coming up to 12 months now with InterVision.   About InterVision Me: Now, could you tell our listeners a little bit about InterVision, what they do and what your role at InterVision is?   Neil shared InterVision is an AWS premier tier partner. They specialize in transforming contact centers to their flagship product, Connective CX, powered by Amazon Connect. They also integrate AI to deliver seamless omnichannel engagements. They address common pain points for call centers, like reducing call volume and the costs associated, they do this through improve engaging efficiency and also enhance customer satisfaction. They can be found at www.intervision.com.  His role within InterVision, he would say is a Contact Center Evangelist. So, he works with clients and look at problems that they face, and then help them find what is either the best operational or technological solution to best satisfy customers' needs or solve problems that the companies have been satisfying those needs, so tying together his history working in retail, as well as time and technology, and sort of blending the two, to give what people consider to be a best in class solution for them.   Understanding the Approach in AI and Machine Learning in the Contact Centre Me: So, you are in the contact center space, and your strategy is to ensure that you have a holistic approach using AI and machine learning, two very popular words that are being used very frequently in the CX space. When you say holistic approach using AI and machine learning, can you explain to us what that means? Is it that robots are going to replace human beings? Or are you looking more from a support side, just tell us how it is that you actually see it working?   Neil stated that he thinks it's actually good to approach it from a journey perspective, if you will. So, if you think about somebody that has a transaction, whether that be online or in person, and then they need some level of support. So, they come through to a contact center, and at that point, contact centers have really embraced AI and machine learning to help customers come through and get a better level of experience. So, whether that be at the starting point when they answer the phone, you can have chatbots either on the website or on the IVR that are able to answer and interact with customers and provide them with quick hit answers and potentially resolve problems for them quickly and efficiently. Now that's one use of AI.  People say, well, is that going to replace people?  He doesn't think it does, because it solves the simple problems AI and ML doesn't have the ability to solve.  So, when people do get to an agent or somebody on the phone, or whether a chat or send an email and get a reply, the agents are able to spend that little bit more time to solve a problem, so it elevates the customer experience even though it's not necessarily AI based.  When you think about that side though, you get AI does weave its way in there and provide agents with the ability to serve customers or call us better. So, you get crazy things like, there are AI tools out there now that will listen to the conversation, will understand the context of it, understand the ask and serve up knowledge or information to the agent real time, so they can better solve the problem.  So, it will literally know this customer sounds like they have a question about x, here's the most common answers to x, is this the right thing to say and serve that up to the agent. So, the agents might not have any real experience of the problem, but they've got a proven history of other people being able to solve that question, or a very similar question, quickly and efficiently, and they can copy it. And then that really helps agents appear to be more efficient, more friendly, and for everybody that's listening, and everyone's been put on hold. No one likes to be put on hold, or “I don't know the answer to that, let me transfer you”, that can go away, which is really, really profound and gives a perception of quality well and above the norm.  And then the other side of it that's kind of cool, is you can have sentiment monitoring. So, if somebody's listening to this call, the AI or ML in the background will be monitoring it, and they can flag calls to supervisors or to other people to say, “Hey, Neil's really happy with this call. Neil's unhappy with this call. We might need some help. Somebody may need to join this call because Neil's struggling with it.”  So, it basically not only gives the ability to empower people and have them answer questions well, but it gives them monitoring so that people can actually get involved and engaged and help customers that have got problems and prevent issues, if that makes sense.   Me: Yes, it absolutely does. I attended a conference, I think it was the first and second of May, hosted by a company called CX Outsourcers Mindshare. They brought together, I believe, close to 80 persons from all over the world, from all different continents, that were in the contact center space. And my role at the event was, I sat on a podcast panel with a podcaster from Brazil and one from South Africa talking about the influence of podcasting on customer experience and the impact that it will have in the contact center space.  One of the things that I found fascinating at the conference, and this was predominantly I believe in, I know in the Caribbean for sure, and definitely in Africa, and you can let me know what your feedback is based on your exposure and experience that hiring, in terms of recruitment was a big issue that they were facing in the contact centers and trying to integrate AI and more importantly, as it relates to recruitment, ensuring that as they go forward and AI is more integrated into the whole process of solving customers problems, having AI do the more simplistic activities and tasks, and then having the agents do more complex tasks. Is that a trend that you've seen happening? Or is there anything else that you'd like to add to that conversation?    Neil shared that it definitely is. It's causing an upskilling, or an appearance of upskilling of people that answer the phone or answer the chats. Because when he started in the contact center space, companies would train an agent for 4, 6, 8 weeks, maybe even more to make sure that they have the skill set and the knowledge to be able to answer not just 80%. Neil shared that Yanique is absolutely correct that AI and machine learning is having a profound impact on the agents and upskilling, because the ability for machines to take away the simpler tasks means that agents can do things that are more interesting and rewarding for one. So, that makes the job more fun, that's an important component.   The other side is, years ago, as companies brought people on board, they'd spend weeks and weeks training them, and nowadays that's just not necessary, because most companies have invested, or are looking to invest in a single pain so all of the information is shared to them, and when that's augmented by machine learning to provide sensible text or answers or knowledge that's appropriate, agents appear to be more knowledgeable with less training, faster and that gives a great different for companies that are embracing it. It's a great differentiate. It really helps the agents feel valued, enjoy the job, and therefore more likely to be retained and that skill level is retained.  So, generally, companies that companies that retain the skill gets better over time, and it also the other piece is, he thinks it helps companies attract people, because the job is more fun and more rewarding. So, the benefits not only in the people that work there, it's about getting the better talent in the front door as well.   App, Website or Tool that Neil Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business When asked about online resources that he can't live without in his business, Neil shared that for him personally, and this is going to sound a little bit old school, he absolutely loves using YouTube, and he will go visit YouTube looking for how to build a presentation, looking for information, ways to do things, learnings, classes, he finds a great value with day to day, he's looking at YouTube and watching videos on lots and lots of topics continually, because he thinks it's a quick and easy way to learn how to do something new or refine what he's doing based on somebody else's best practices, whether that be consultants that have classes on how to do PowerPoint presentations, or even people that do public speaking regularly and share tips and trades on how they do it. So, he uses YouTube a lot, and slowly but surely, he thinks that's starting to be replaced a little bit by TikTok, because he likes 60 second bites as opposed to 20-minute videos.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on Neil  When asked about books that have had an impact, Neil shared that books that he really enjoyed and got a lot out of is a book called Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap…And Others Don't by Jim Collins, it's an older book now, but it's been around for a good few years that definitely influenced his working life, because the ideology is all in the title. So, how can you be better, and how can you differentiate yourself or the company you work for, and make a difference, and then elevate to go from being a good company to a great company or a good employee to a great employee. So, that's one of the books that definitely influenced his career. And he really enjoyed the fact that it had case studies in there that you were able to look at, read and understand, and then it gives you that a little bit more of a practical application when there's case studies that you can look at.   What Neil is Really Excited About Now! When asked about something that he's excited about, Neil shared that he's been with InterVision approximately 12 months, and in that time, they've had a tremendous amount of growth.  They are working a significant amount with Amazon, on Amazon Connect in the contact center space, and watching how that's changing the contact center space is really, really incredible. And with that, they have releases on a weekly or biweekly basis, and you see new technologies and new items come out, and it's actually an interesting challenge making sure that his team is not only at the cutting edge of technology, but what's new and modern today is, for want of a better description, a month old in a month's time.  And making sure that his team are kept current and up to date with all of these technology changes, specifically around AI and ML, that's really an interesting challenge, because the solutions of a year ago aren't solutions for today, and he finds that both interesting challenge from a business perspective, but it's also rewarding because you get the opportunity to have people do training classes and learnings to make sure that they're at the top of their skill game to be able to deliver the best in class products that they like to offer.   Where can listeners find Neil online? LinkedIn – Neil Leyland Website – www.intervision.com   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Neil Uses Me: Now, before we wrap our episodes up, Neil, we always like to ask our guests, do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge, you will tend to revert to this quote if for any reason you get derailed or you get off track, the quote kind of helps to get you back on track. Do you have one of those?    When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Neil shared that it's not quite that, but there's a phrase that he often thinks about in challenges when he's working with his colleagues, or they're looking at a project and how to move forward, and it's directly related to customer service and it's, “The tolerance of poor behaviour is worse than the behaviour itself.”   Me: That's such a powerful statement.   Neil shared that he loves it because it's applicable everywhere. In your personal life, you can choose not to go to the gym, or you can go to the gym. In work, you can watch people do things and managers do things or accept things and that they shouldn't and as soon as a behaviour becomes ingrained, it's far more challenging to remove it.  Me: Yeah, agreed. Thank you so much for sharing. So, we just want to extend our deepest gratitude to you, Neil, for hopping on our podcast today, sharing about InterVision, about your journey, as well as what you're doing at InterVision, the impact of AI and machine learning, the opportunity that workers have in the centers as agents to upskill their competencies and behaviours so that they can better serve customers and solve problems quicker. It was really a rewarding and engaging conversation, and I want to just extend our deepest gratitude to you. So, thank you so much.    Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Links •    Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap…And Others Don't by Jim Collins   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners  Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.” The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

Robert Scarperi, Bob has been a leader in professional services, SaaS, financial services, ad tech mar tech, and management consulting for 32 years. His company, Revenue Vision Partners is the industry's leading data-driven revenue growth consulting firm. Questions · Could you share with our listeners, just a little bit about how you got from where you were to where you are today? · You wrote a book called Data and Diagnosis-Driven Selling with three other gentlemen. So, could you take a minute to kind of just go through maybe three overarching themes that the book focuses on? And just how do you believe this can really help an organization to deliver a great customer experience? · Now, I'd like for you to share with us what's the one online tool, resource, website or application that you absolutely can't live without in your business? · Can you also share with us maybe one or two books that you have read, it could be a book that you read a very long time ago, or even one that you've read recently, but it has had a great impact on your development and even your continued growth. · Now, Bob, could you also share with our listeners, what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about, either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people. · Where can listeners find you online? · Now, Bob, before we wrap up, we always like to give our guests an opportunity to share. I'm not sure if you have one of these but a quote that you would tend to revert to if for any reason you are faced with some form of adversity, or challenge, but that quote will help to get you refocused, get you back on track, and just help you if for any reason you got the real or you got off track. Highlights Bob's Journey  Me: Now, we always like to give our listeners an opportunity to hear from the guest, in their own words, a little bit about your journey. And it has been quite a long journey, 32 years is a good amount of time to have under your belt in all of these wonderful areas. So, could you share with our listeners, just a little bit about how you got from where you were to where you are today?   Bob shared that right around the time he was finishing college, he had a really strong pull to get into sales, he was extremely lucky to have had a best friend's father was the top sales guy at Automatic Data Processing, ADP, which is sort of known to be one of the best and strongest sales driven cultures in the Fortune 100.  And right from the very beginning, all of their structure, rigor, process, intensity really meshed with his personality and his sort of competitive nature. And so, he was lucky enough to have some early success, he's very, very grateful for how much faith they had in him from an early age, giving him opportunities to run sales teams and move and get to experience new geographies and have really great experiences in such a phenomenally well-run company.  And then without going into too much detail, of course, his journey took him through a number of different industries, early days of ad tech, he worked for a long time as an equity sales and trading person at AllianceBernstein. He was lucky enough also to have some leadership positions, run sales teams internationally.  And then toward the last 10 years of his career, he had three Chief Revenue Officer roles in high growth technology companies where he really started to embrace being a leader who prided himself on installing a systematic data driven approach.  And toward the end of that decade, he decided he really wanted to do that as a consultant for a portfolio of companies so that he could be really working through various kind of company challenges in different industries with private equity firms as their partner. So, that's what brought him to where he is now.   About Bob's Book – Data and Diagnosis-Driven Selling and Three Overarching Themes That Can Help Organizations Enhance Customer Experience Me: Now, Bob, you wrote a book called Data and Diagnosis-Driven Selling: Leveraging insights, intelligence and the power of AI to deliver efficient, durable revenue growth with three other gentlemen, Mark Petruzzi, Ray Rike and Paul Melchiorre. So, could you take a minute to kind of just go through maybe three overarching themes that the book focuses on? And just how do you believe this can really help an organization to deliver a great customer experience? And I'd love for you to maybe segment it for us, because selling covers so many different areas. If you're selling to a business versus if you're selling to a customer….an individual, so maybe you could take one of those areas and kind of just break it down for us. And just give examples of what you wrote about in the book can really help teams that are in sales because sales is critical, it's a lifeline of any business. But how can the sales team really drive a quality customer experience that can drive to a high customer retention rate, because at the end of the day, that's really what all businesses are aiming for, as you're going to be able to keep your customers for life.   Bob shared that regarding who it's written for, it would really be for anyone selling to or trying to persuade a group of decision makers, so, usually an organization where a number of people contribute to a decision that is primarily in B2B sales. But if you find yourself in a position where you are trying to convince a town council to vote your way on a specific issue that's been a problem for the community or anything else where there are a group of people who need to kind of come together to make a decision, their book will help you.  And the way that it helps you is it lays out an approach that is not only proven by some of the most successful people in B2B sales, but it's also modern, utilizing the most high quality available B2B data. And they also talk about systems support, and AI as a tool that can help the modern salesperson navigate this very complex selling environment with multiple decisions in a tough time in the market, the macro environment is currently as complex as it's ever been. And being successful in sales at the moment is also as challenging and complex as it's ever been.   Me: So, I kind of wanted you also to maybe just go into, I would say, as I said, three overarching themes that the book focuses on. So, you mentioned AI and it's a very hot topic right across, I think, across the world, really, since it was introduced, especially since it's so accessible to everyone currently. But what does that really mean when you are selling to someone? Because at the end of the day, you're still dealing with human beings, so, what is the data really going to tell you? Or how is it going to help you to navigate that conversation? Because there has to be some human interaction, right? So, I kind of want you to walk us through that process.   Bob shared that the book talks about two different types of AI and it's really exciting because he doesn't think there is a sales book currently that, again, not only combines improving elements with AI and data approaches, but the two types of AI are generative AI, those would be systems like Chat GPT, who can help you create content in order to be compelling in a sales process. And predictive AI, technologies like and he'll use an example, Clari, which is a tool that helps sales teams understand which of their open sales opportunities have the highest probability of closing, based on a myriad of factors. So, they do get into really solid detail and they also have contributors in the book who are experts in various topics and tell stories about how they've used these tools successfully.   Me: So, that's excellent, very good explanation on the generative and predictive AI. Because I do believe that we throw toward around so much in different industries, especially in the customer experience industry, many people believe that artificial intelligence is going to replace human beings and we're all going to be obsolete and not worth any value anymore. But I'm not there yet. And I live in Kingston, Jamaica, where we use technology here a lot, but we are not going to get to that point anytime soon, definitely not in my lifetime where you're not going to need people because we are still a society that is heavily dependent on people interaction. For example, in our banks here, and I compare it to the United States all the time. The banks are still full, 50….40 people standing in the banks. I travelled to the US quite often and I go to different financial institutions, and they are empty, there's nobody physically standing in there, there are no lines lined up outside or people lined up inside. So, just in terms of the culture and the behaviour of people just don't believe that we're going to eliminate the people component in customer experience, because people still like to deal with people, right?   Bob agreed yes, absolutely. And it's funny because he does feel like and the way that they lay it out in the book, AI can put you in a position to have more and better live human interactions with the right audience, if used properly. It doesn't replace humans; it sets humans up to be the best version of themselves and optimize their approach every day.   Me: I love it. So, it's really supposed to help us to interact better, to get to decisions faster, to understand people's behaviours quicker, to find solutions that are more need based, because a lot of times salespeople sell you stuff, they're driven by the quotas that they need to meet, they're driven by the pressures that their organizations put on them. But when you match value to the experience that the person is having and are they really getting the right solution, a lot of times down the road when there is like let's say a survey that's being done, or some form of focus group, especially if they're losing customers over a period of time, you realize that it wasn't even the right solution that was given to the client, or it wasn't being managed the proper way. And I guess, if they had the right data from day one, and it was being provided in the right way, they wouldn't have lost the customer in the first place.   Bob stated yes, he couldn't agree more. The third theme of the book is utilizing simple data science in order to ensure that your sales approach is driven by your Ideal Customer Profile (IDP). And he'll just briefly state that as a sales leader, he had gotten frustrated by knowing that focusing on the ideal customer profile was the right thing and then defining that and making that approach data driven was impossible. It was a very distant and vague concept. But he believes that they own the very best definition now of what the ideal customer profile is and how to take that definition and identify score and rank specific prospects and clients that are the best match to that ideal customer profile and create an entire commercial approach with that as the foundation.   Me: All right, and what is the definition that you have identified in the book as your ideal customer profile?   Bob shared that it's basically utilizing firmographic traits to know what industry, what sub sector, what size of the company, how much it's growing, what web scraping tells you about a company, when you can build a model that identifies those common traits in your best customers, and utilize expert panels to ensure that the model has picked up on the right signals, that is the best way to create an ideal customer profile, and again, score and rank accounts. That's quite technical, but it's all in the book.   Me: Yes, agreed. And our listeners would have tapped into this episode, and they'd like to put their hands on your book, where can they find it?   Bob shared that the book, it's available in all the major outlets, but he will tell you, he's a huge fan of Amazon and is readily available on Amazon in softcover, hardcover, and they'll have an audio version available within three weeks of today (May 09. 2024).   Me: Oh, okay, that was actually going to be my next question. Do you have it available on Audible? And you better get used to this voice because it's 80% of the narration is done by him (Bob).    App, Website or Tool that Bob Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business When asked about online resource that he cannot live without in his business, Bob shared ZoomInfo. ZoomInfo provides a backbone to a lot of the data work that they do at Revenue Vision Partners. And when they were in the marketplace to procure data assets, they did a thorough evaluation, they were convinced at the time and four plus years later, he continued to be convinced that ZoomInfo has the best B2B data available in the market.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on Bob When asked about books that have had a great impact, Bob shared that he would say that far and away, Strategic Selling: The Unique Sales System Proven Successful by America's Best Companies by Robert B. Miller and Stephen Heiman is the number one book that has contributed to the way that he has approached sales since the early 90s. He feels it lays out the most logical and powerful and consistent approach or methodology for B2B sales.  What they tried to do with the new book is take methodologies like Strategic Selling, SPIN Selling, The Challenger Sale, and modernize the approach again with Data and Diagnosis and AI and build upon those methodologies.   What Bob is Really Excited About Now! When asked about something that he's excited about, Bob shared that in their firm right now, they're doing one of these ideal customer profile-based data projects for a very large, diversified industrial company who services about a dozen different end markets. They're a multi-billion-dollar organization, they've run a pilot in one of their key divisions and it's been a phenomenally successful data model.  And he's convinced that their are hundreds of salespeople are going to utilize their time better, they're going to sell bigger and better fit accounts, they're going to be more gratified in their jobs, the company's going to gain market share in a more consistent and repeatable way.  And it's thrilling to do that, because this was the promise that they built their company on, and this couldn't be a better group of humans to work with who he just wants to see them succeed for all the right reasons. So, he's so excited about this journey, they're just far enough along where there's proof that it's working and there's so much ahead of them in terms of their ability to empower them to succeed.   Me: All right, I'm excited too, just hearing all of the great opportunities that lie ahead.   Bob shared that in his tennis game, he feels like his backhand is really ready for summer.   Me: Do you play competitively, or do you just play for fun?   Bob stated that he plays intermediate competitively. So, he can be pretty terrible. He has a couple of great shots and feel really good about himself, but it's a blast.   Where Can We Find Bob Online LinkedIn – Bob Scarperi Company LinkedIn – Revenue Vision Partners Instagram – @bobbyscarp Website - www.revenuevisionpartners.com Facebook – Bob Scarperi   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Bob Uses  When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Bob shared that it's quite a long one, so, he's not going to quote the whole thing, but unless he takes up the rest of the time, but it is, The Man in the Arena, quote by Teddy Roosevelt.  And starting a business in one's middle age with lots of financial obligations, including three kids, two step-kids, etc…etc…has been a really bold decision and quite terrifying at times. And every time he wonders if he's done the right thing, he grounds himself in that amazing speech and always feel like he comes back to believing that he was born to do something bold and that living through terrifying entrepreneurial moments are part of that and the victories that one is lucky enough to experience when they make that brave and bold decision are that much sweeter than then any other career related victories in his life. Of course, his highest highs have to do with his kids, but that whole man in the arena concept keeps him going every day. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”    Me: So, we will have that full quote in the Show Notes of our episode, the Teddy Roosevelt quote, along with what you shared just now as it relates to kind of getting you back refocused on why you do what you do.   Bob shared that and if you saw the Tom Brady roast on Netflix, Matt Damon does a great job of narrating the entire thing.   Me: All right, Bob, thank you so much for jumping on our podcast today and sharing all these great insights as it relates to Diagnostic Selling and Data Driven Selling, as well as Artificial Intelligence and the ICP, it's all great information. I've started consuming a part of the content of the book, but I just believe I'd get so much more from the audible. So, I'm actually going to wait until it's released in the next three weeks to continue, I just believe I get so much more listening to it rather than reading it. But I would recommend for anyone that is a listener to our podcast to tap into this awesome resource that Bob and his team have so graciously given to us in the world, it's a great resource. And I believe that if we continue to try to find ways to add value to people's lives, create opportunities that you're really providing the solutions that your customers want, that will allow them to be your customer for life, through the techniques that you use to ensure that you are selling the right way, making the decisions the right way, your customer experience will take care of itself. So, thank you so much.   Please connect with us on X @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Links •     Data and Diagnosis-Driven Selling: Leveraging insights, intelligence and the power of AI to deliver efficient, durable revenue growth by Bob Scarperi •     Strategic Selling: The Unique Sales System Proven Successful by America's Best Companies by Robert B. Miller and Stephen Heiman    The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners  Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.” The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

Darby Vannier, with over 20 years of experience, is a seasoned leader adept at building and growing organizations. As President & CEO of Indispensable Leadership Group, he excels as an executive coach, consultant, speaker, and fractional COO, focusing on strategic and leadership development. He has led effective teams of more than a 100 employees, coached others into their own leadership positions, and created stability during challenging organizational transitions. Darby built his career on the philosophy that developing the right people is the key to success.  Learn more at www.beindispensable.com.   Questions ·      Even though we read a very short snippet of your journey, your little bio, we always like to give our guests an opportunity to share in their own words, a little bit about how you got from where you are to where you are today. ·      Your book titled, The Indispensable Leader. So, could you share with our listeners a little bit about that book? What was your intention when you wrote the book? What is the book about? Who is the book geared towards and kind of what was your sentiment when you were putting it all together? ·      Which role do you think is more effective, the manager's role or the leader's role? ·     Now in the book, you also talk about, which I found this part really fascinating that you should be curious, and you should engage curiosity. Explained to us a little bit about what you meant when you said, engage or encourage curiosity and being curious as a leader. ·      In the book, you also mentioned the whole conscious competence model. So, I'd love for you to kind of just explain that to the audience as well, the four phases and then the example that you gave to reinforce the concept. ·      Could you also share with our listeners, what is the one online resource, tool, website or app that you absolutely cannot live without in your business? ·    Can you also share with our listeners, maybe one or two books that you've read, it could be a book that you read recently, or even one that you read a very long time ago, but it had a great impact on you. ·      Can you also share with us what's the one thing in your life right now that you're really excited about? Either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people. ·      Now, before we wrap our episodes up, we always like to ask our guests, do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge you will tend to revert to this quote if for any reason you get derailed or you get off track, and the quote kind of helps to get you back on track. ·      Where can listeners find you online? Highlights Darby's Journey Me: Now Darby, even though we read a very short snippet of your journey, your little bio, we always like to give our guests an opportunity to share in their own words, a little bit about how you got from where you were to where you are today.   Darby shared that it's kind of a diverse career actually. So, he started off in retail, actually kind of in the entertainment industry, working as a manager at a 22-screen movie theatre, which is an interesting industry, especially back at that time when it was before digital movies and everything, and everything came in on natural celluloid film and everything.  So, yeah, 22 screen movie theatre, they would serve 1000's of people a day and that was an interesting experience getting started because it definitely was jumping right into that retail type environment, bringing in at that point, you're talking about most of their employees were high school or college aged students and, and so that's just a different level of team member that you're managing.  From there, he kind of jumped even further into retail, he actually became a store manager for Kinkos at the time, so the print shop at Kinkos, which is now FedEx Office, but at the time, it was still Kinkos. And at that time, all the Kinkos were 24-hour stores, like they never closed, didn't close on any holidays, didn't close any hours, nothing. So, that was definitely a learning experience he will say, managing a 24 hour a day business from that standpoint.  And he did that about 6 years and then moved into the non-profit world where he took over as CEO of an International Livestock Association, actually for alpacas of all things. And it's always an interesting story because he tells people when he got the interview for the job, he had to look up what an alpaca was because he had a general idea that it was like a llama, but he didn't exactly know what it was, so kind of entered into a whole new realm there. And he did that for about 11 years where he reported directly to a board, grew that organization, fixed a lot of things in that organization, and then grew that organization. And then they actually went through a merger process and merged with another national organization. And he took over as CEO of the newly created merged organization for that industry.  And then from there, he decided, he's kind of ready to be done with this non-profit thing, and he exited non-profit, went back into the for-profit world, joined a company that does leadership development, strategic planning, executive coaching, that sort of thing, because he's always been passionate about leadership, and did that for about 7 years.  And then last year decided he's going to break off and do his own things. He had a company established previously for some consulting and stuff that he had done and he just expanded that and started offering fractional leadership services and executive coaching on his own and have built that up from there. So, still working on that and that's kind of gets us up to date.    About Darby's Book – The Indispensable Leader Me: Now, as part of this journey, you are also an author and your book is titled, The Indispensable Leader. So, could you share with our listeners a little bit about that book, I do have some questions I want to ask specifically, but I kind of just want to hear in your own words, like what was your intention when you wrote the book? What is the book about? Who is the book geared towards and kind of what was your sentiment when you were putting it all together?   Darby shared that the book is really geared towards anybody, he wouldn't even say young leaders, he would say anybody who's really either starting out in leadership, leading other people or even if they have been leading people and they just want to have some experience and some knowledge to refine maybe their leadership style.  And it's kind of one of those things, he's kind of kept stories over the years throughout his career, because he's sure you have experienced throughout your career, you encounter interesting things, he'll just put it that way, some challenging things and some difficult things, and then some really exciting things.  So, he had lots of things that he has accumulated throughout his career that he felt like these were good learning experiences for him at the time, and had he had this information when he was starting out being a leader, it would have been highly beneficial.  So, in the midst of COVID, back in 2020, when everything kind of shut down, and we all had more time, because we were staying home and everything, he decided that seems like a good time to start writing a book. So, that's when he started on the book.  And the book really kind of goes down the path of taking this idea, he started off the book by basically saying, you hear people say this question….”Are you a manager? Or Are you a leader?”  And he really attacks that and he say, we're really looking at that wrong, because he thinks that's the wrong question. It assumes that people who would probably consider themselves managers of things, cannot be good leaders and that's not the case. He knew a fair number of people who definitely consider themselves managers, who are really spectacular leaders as well.  So, he kind of asked people to look at it a little bit differently and what he thinks people mean is actually more of are you more manager oriented? Or are you more visionary and entrepreneurial oriented?   And if you think about that as a spectrum, everybody exists somewhere on that spectrum. And you don't want to be at the far end of either end of that because you don't want to be too high visionary, that you just come up with a lot of ideas and nothing gets done. But you don't want to be too far managerial where you only care about checking off your list, and you don't really care why you're doing it.  So, what he basically asked people to do is think about this more like a Venn diagram, where you have two intersecting circles and let's take the best traits of both manager and visionary archetypes, and create the best possible leader that you can be because there's only a certain amount of things that you have access to yourself, there's only a certain amount of things that you can gain yourself.  So, let's find those best things and then let's try to release the bad things so the bad traits of those archetypes so that we don't fall into those ruts as well. And he kind of goes down that journey and he uses a lot of stories from his career to illustrate various points on leadership and talking about mentorship and some of those things as well so that people can gain that knowledge that he didn't necessarily have at the time as he was going through it.    The Effectiveness of the Manager's Role and the Leader's Role Me: So, I like the fact that you spoke about, are you a leader or a manager, but even outside of that you talk about in the book, just visionary leaders and I'm not sure what was the other term that you had outside of visionary? Managers.   So, can you just differentiate, I know you said, we look on it from a different perspective. But if we were to put it in terms of hierarchy, or better yet, in terms of in an organization, if you really want to motivate people, get them to do what you want them to do without having to literally stand up over them with a stick over their head saying, “If you don't do this, this is the sanction that's going to be enforced.” Which role do you think is more effective, the manager's role or the leader's role? Darby shared that he would actually say both are important and it's good to have a mix of both types of individuals within an organization.  Here's the reason why. So, people with managerial characteristics who fall more on that side of the spectrum are people who are very process oriented, they're usually very organized, they're the ones who are able to look at something and say, here's how it's going to get done. They can outline the 50 steps it's going to take to get there. They're about creating a list and checking off the things and getting stuff done. They're the ones that are talking about, what are we going to do? And how are we going to do it?  And sometimes they don't always care about the why they should and that's what he means by making sure that they try to pull in the best traits of both worlds. But those are the folks who are going to get stuff done for you. And they are the folks who can execute on a vision. So, basically, they can take a vision of a founder or a visionary and they can translate that vision into the action steps that it's going to take to accomplish it.  So, on the visionary side, you have to have visionaries as well, because the high visionary people, those are the folks who are generating lots of ideas, they're coming up with five or ten new ideas every day, they're usually very passionate about their ideas.  Oftentimes entrepreneurs are visionaries, because that is the type of individuals who are drawn to starting a business and taking that risk and everything. Because in their minds, when they think of an idea, when they envision something, it's done like we're there, and it is done. They're the ones that are more going to be talking about why are we doing something, like they want to be able to explain and show their passion for why is it that we want to accomplish whatever it is that they've come up with.  The difficulty you can run into with a visionary though is, is that they tend to move on very quickly, because if you get a very high visionary person, they only love generating new ideas, they don't want to talk about how to get there, they just want it done.  So, that visionary needs to have people who are more managerial in nature so that they can actually get stuff done. And in most companies, you almost have to have two top individuals who are one is one and one is the other.  That's why you often see a CEO whose high visionary and you see a COO who is the person who executes and those two individuals have to have a high amount of trust, because they will piss each other off and that's the bottom line.  Because what will happen is, is that COO who's more process oriented, who's the one going, “Okay, there's these 50 problems we have to solve before we can get there” they are going to be like saying slow down and pump the brakes, we got to back up here.  And the high visionary CEO is the one saying, “No, we got to move forward. And I want to do all these things, and everything.”  So, in order for their company to be highly successful, you almost have to have that mix. You see this with celebrity leaders he'll call him. So, people like Steve Jobs, for example, it's well known that he was very high visionary, brilliant guy, came up with amazing things, had very high expectations, very passionate about his industry.  But he learned very early on, he basically lost his company initially, before he came back many years later, he learned very early on that he needed to have people that could execute those ideas, because he just wanted to spend time on generating ideas, he needed an execution team as well.  So, eventually, he figured out he had to have individuals who worked with him that he trusted, that could execute those ideas that could challenge him and slow him down, he would on the opposite side of that push them forward. So, it's this weird balancing act. So, every company needs to have a good mix of both in order to be successful.   The Art of Being Curious as a Leader Me: Now in the book, you also talk about, which I found this part really fascinating that you should be curious, and you should engage curiosity. And curiosity sometimes I think can be misinterpreted, sometimes, for example, people will think that curiosity I find is being inquisitive, it's a similar adjective but inquisitive for some reason connotates, almost you being concerned or asking questions about things that should not concern you. But I do believe that that's how we learn right? About asking questions, exploring, experiencing. Explaine to us a little bit about what you meant when you said, engage or encourage curiosity and being curious as a leader.   Darby shared that it certainly can mean inquisitive and that is something that it can mean. But when he talks about being curious and when he coaches leaders and encourage them to be curious, what he's really trying to do is encourage folks to be lifelong learners, like he wants you to be curious about new things, go read books, go meet new people, go join a group that you wouldn't necessarily join because by gaining those additional experiences, and that additional knowledge, you're only going to grow as a leader. So, he's very big on making sure that folks that he coaches and himself, do not get stagnant.  And what that means is you have to be engaged, you have to be engaged in what you do. You have to be engaged in your industry, you have to be engaged in life. So, sometimes it's professional development, and you're joining an association or you're reading a book or whatever.  Sometimes it might be personal development where you're learning a new language or travelling to a country that you've never been to so that you can gain that experience because all of those things are important. They are going to make you a much, much better well-rounded leader, especially as he speaks to college students every now and then.  And as he speaks to college students, that's one thing that he talked to them about is gain a broad set of experiences because a lot of us really end up, in the United States, a lot of folks who go to college end up going to college nearby home, so, they're exposed to, yes, a new set of people, but it may be very similar to what they're used to. So, he encourages people to get out of your comfort zone and go do some other things because the more experiences you have, the better leader you're going to be.  Certainly, looking back at his career, he's sure as you look at your career, every single thing that he dealt with and went through, all of that past history really made him into the leader that he is today. And everything that he's doing today will make him into the leader that he is in five years, that's the bottom line.  So, you got to have that curiosity, if you don't, you're going to end up stagnant, you're not going to really grow as a leader, you're probably not getting promoted up very much. In most industries, you really do need to be curious so that you can continue to expand as well.   Me: Yes, I totally agree that you should definitely be open to learning and from everything that you do, it definitely adds to who you are today, as you said, what you're doing now is building for where you're going be five years from now.   Conscious Competence Model and the Four Phases Me: In the book, you also mentioned Darby, and I was exposed to this many years ago when I had done a leadership course myself, the whole Conscious Competence Model. And I liked the example that you gave with the baby. So, I'd love for you to kind of just explain that to the audience as well, the four phases and then the example that you gave to reinforce the concept.   Darby shared that this is something that really helps in coaching as well, because it's something that everybody goes through, but they don't really pinpoint that they're actually going through it.  So, the idea here is there's four phases of competence. And you really start off no matter what it is, in some new experience, in some new activity, you start a new job, you learn how to drive, whatever it is, you start off this idea as being unconsciously incompetent, which means you're incompetent at whatever you're doing, and you don't even know you're incompetent at it. And that's a big problem because then you're doing things and you don't even know you're doing them wrong.  So, the idea is, hopefully somebody will point out to you or you'll eventually move into the idea of conscious incompetence. And that's really where you're still incompetent at it, but you recognize that you're incompetent at it. So, you know, you're doing it wrong, it's kind of a situation, you know that you don't know something.  And then after that, the idea is that you move into conscious competence, which means that you're competent at it, but you have to think about it all the time, it's not become a habit, like you have to actually think about whatever the activity is. So, if you think about when you're learning to drive, this is a good thing. Or this is a thing we encounter, you have to constantly think about turning your turn signal on or stopping at the stop sign or stopping at the light or seeing the light turn yellow, or whatever that is, you are at that point consciously competent. So, you can do it, but you got to think about it all the time.  The last phase is really where you want to get to, especially with regard to leading people, you want to get to unconscious competence, where it is that you are competent at something and you don't have to constantly think about it, it just happens. So, this basically is the idea of it becomes habit.  There's actually an author named Charles Duhigg, he wrote a book called The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, it's a spectacular book, but he talks about habit loops where your brain is set up so that it creates these habit loops out of things that you do regularly. And that's how you end up, if you've ever driven a car, and then you're driving along, and sometimes you're like, I don't remember the last five minutes, and it kind of freaks you out. That happens because of that, because your brain can handle that sort of thing. And basically, has created a habit loop.  It's the same reason when he left his position last year, and he was no longer going to the office on a regular basis, your habit loop changes. So, normally my habit loop for driving to the office was the same every day, he would do the exact same thing, the exact same route, whatever it was, well, on two different occasions, at the end of the year, last year, he was driving in the direction of where his old office was. And he looked up and pretty soon, like he's driving towards the office, he's going the whole wrong direction for where he was headed. But his brain engaged this habit loop that his brain thought, “Oh, you're doing the habit loop, we haven't done in a while to go to the office.” And then he ended up on the entirely wrong road and everything because he was going to the office. But that's the idea of unconscious competence that you want to get to is be able to create those habits so that things just happen for you on a regular basis.    Me: So, just want to remind our listeners, Darby's book is out, available on all platforms that you would want to purchase a book from, I would definitely recommend that you go and consume some of the great content he has in it. I haven't fully finished reading it, but the parts that I have been able to garner were really, really insightful. And he was able to share a bit of it with our listeners in the conversation today. So, definitely a must have read for 2024. Thank you so much for sharing Darby.   App, Website or Tool that Darby Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business When asked about online resource that he cannot live without in his business, Darby shared that from his perspective, it's LinkedIn just because of the industry that he's in. It is definitely the one online resource he could not live without. There's a lot of things out there, of course, especially with social media, and everything nowadays, it really depends on the industry individuals are in but for him, LinkedIn is it and definitely those who are listening, you can find him on LinkedIn, he will connect with you just search for Darby Vannier, and he's happy to connect with you on LinkedIn as well.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on Darby When asked about books that has had a great impact, Darby shared that there is lot of books that certainly he has utilized over the years. But there is one book that he has bought and given away more copies of this book than any other book.  And it's a book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, it's by a woman, her name is Susan Cain. And it's about kind of leading as an introvert. And the reason that he liked it is that he knows it doesn't always seem like it to individuals when he does these podcasts that he loves to speak to people and stuff like that. But he's a pretty big introvert. And it was the first book that he read that he was like somebody actually gets him.  So, she kind of talks about what it's like to be an introvert and how it's kind of a spectrum. And there are certainly individuals who are introverts who have no desire to speak to people, for example. Whereas, he loves that, if he gets a group of 1500 people to speak in front of great, he's happy. Now, he doesn't want to step down off the stage and talk to you one on one really, afterwards, he'll do it. And you won't necessarily know that he's uncomfortable. But that's not his comfort zone.  So, every introvert's a little bit different and it's more about how your energy is recharged. So, his energy is recharged by quiet time and being alone. He has no problem going on a vacation for a few days and being by himself the entire time and not talking to anybody, that would freak out an extrovert. But the reason he loves the book is and that he's given it to both introverts and extroverts. And the reason it's important for extroverts to read as well is you work with a lot of introverted individuals and this world we live in is catered to extroverts. And it can be incredibly difficult for those of us who are introverts to live in. And we are forced to adjust to you all.  So, he encourages extroverts to read this book as well, because you really learn a lot, especially as you lead and manage people, it will help you better manage individuals, it will also help you understand how to take advantage of utilizing the skills and the experience of introverts that maybe an extrovert doesn't necessarily have. So, from a professional standpoint, he always recommends, he also recommend it for individuals who are married, who have spouses who maybe are the opposite of them, because it will help you to totally understand your spouse a lot more as well.    What Darby is Really Excited About Now! When asked about something that he's excited about, Darby shared that he's still under a year on totally breaking out on his own and building his own company. So, building his business is what he's really passionate about right now. He's working on a new speaking topic regarding the impact that leaders make in the world and even over interactions that they might have considered insignificant. So, it's kind of like the ripple effect, so he's working on this talk and he's excited about that as well to be able to talk to folks about that.  And then just really working to help each one of his fractional leadership clients be as successful as possible. It is so amazing to be able to work with multiple clients and see individual companies continue to grow and scale and to have a part in that as well.   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Darby Uses When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Darby shared that he doesn't really have a quote, but he kind of have more of a philosophy and his philosophy with this. And he uses this again when he coaches other leaders too is, “Everything is temporary. And the one thing you have to remember is, is that everybody around you is going through their own stuff.” So, he always encourages people to be kind when you're dealing with other individuals, because you don't know what's going on in their lives, no matter how well you think you know them, you don't know everything that's going on. So, as he encounters adversity, he tends to kind of revert back to, “Okay, let's control what I can control. And then I need to let the other stuff go.”  He certainly has had multiple times in his career where he's had some very difficult situations that he's dealt with professionally. And that's what he's come back to is okay, can you control this particular thing that's happening? No. But you can control these other two aspects of it and you can make sure that you do those things really well.  And what he has found is if he does that, and he just remember that this is just one more piece of experience in his life and in his career, part of that past history that he said that makes us all who we are, if he can remember that, then it's usually easy to get through those things. Not that it's not a challenge, still can be a challenge, still can be stressful, but it does definitely help you as you move through those challenging times.   Me: All right. So, we will definitely have that summary of what you shared with us in terms of that, quote, or that thought, that helps to get you from one stage to the next if for any reason you feel derailed.    Where Can We Find Darby Online Website – www.beindispensable.com Facebook - Indispensable Leadership Group LinkedIn – Indispensable Leadership Group LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/darbyvannier/    Me: Now Darby, thank you so much for hopping on our podcast today and sharing all these great insights from your book, as well as all of the experience and exposures that you've had over the years that have crafted the person that you are today and the invaluable knowledge and experience and coaching that you've been able to offer to your clients. And so, the information that you shared with us was extremely valuable. The examples that you gave, the characteristics and the comparison as it relates to having a bit of both is critical to the organization success as a manager and a leader was really, really, really insightful and I just want to extend a great amount of gratitude to you for taking time to share with us today.    Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest Links •     The Indispensable Leader: How to Use Your Inner Manager and Visionary to Achieve Leadership Success by Darby Vannier •     The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg •     Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking Susan Cain   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners  Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.” The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience.

when I got up on September 25th 2023, while searching for my glasses in the dark, I touched a little mechanical bear TRANSCRIPTION OF EPISODE (bell and breath) Vancouver, September 25, 2023.  You can hear the city in the background as I record this.  When I got up this morning, searching for my glasses, I touched this little mechanical bear… (Cranking up and unwinding of windup toy) It startled me a bit but it was also enchanting and surprising in a good way. I enjoyed listening to it come to a halt. That morning I was thinking about something  I published on my website on September 20th. I'll read it to you.On September 20 2023, I decided to step back from being ‘me', in the sense of letting go of old habits and patterns and adopting other new ways of being and living. This being said, I will continue to respond to invitations when my presence is useful. What do you think about that, little bear?  (Winding up and release of wind up toy) Now this statement reminded me of traps of how I fall into tarps all the time and maybe you do too? Episode 111 of this season presented two traps and I'll play back excerpts from that episode to you now. The first trap is essentially wanting the world to stop and get off. Stop the world I want to get off. Observer: I notice that you've fallen into a trap called ‘exit fixation' which is where people feel a strong urge to walk out on an existing commitment. For example, when someone realises that the path they are on is full of paradoxes, contradictions, and complicities. Often their first response is to find an immediate exit in hopes of a more fulfilling and/or more innocent alternative or maybe even  an ideal community with whom to continue this work.  Me: Like an escape? Observer: Ya, something like that The second trap is about wanting to erase the past and to find some kind of spiritual haven, which, of course, is an illusion :  Observer:. It's called spiritual bypassing and it happens when spiritual ideas or practices are used to sidestep, avoid, or escape sitting with analyses of historical and systemic violence and the difficulties of one's complicity in historic and systemic harm. Do you know what I mean?  Me: Yes I think I do but I don't think I do this. Observer: (interrupting) maybe not consciously but spiritual bypassing often manifests itself alongside with cultural appropriation which is something you think about every time you record a soundscape with that microphone of yours, right?   Me: I see what you mean. You're quite a good observer.  Observer:  thank you but right back at you. Think of me as a guardian angel. Me: Or the devil…  Observer: Whatever (laughter) Now one of the dangers with spiritual bypassing is to project interpretations of ‘oneness' that erase the realities of historical and systemic inequalities, and interpretations of ‘Enlightenment' that tend to reinforce exceptionalism and you tend to do that… Me: Yes, sure, I do, but it's all part of being an artist..  Observer: (interrupting) True but that does not necessarily make it right, does it? Something to think about... Me: (interrupting) That's a lot to think about, to learn and unlearn. What do you think of that, little bear? (Winding up and release of wind up toy) Do you think it's ok to lose one's mind in a mad world? Do you think it's ok to embrace failure as a path towards learning and unlearning? What do you think about grieving our dying planet and sitting with this sadness? (Winding up and release of wind up toy) * Written spontaneously on September 25th 2023 in Vancouver, this episode brought me comfort. Maybe it will bring you comfort as well? I am grateful and accountable to the earth and the human labour that provided me with the privilege of producing this episode. (including all the toxic materials and extractive processes behind the computers, recorders, transportation and infrastructure that make this podcast possible). My gesture of reciprocity for this episode is to the reseed podcast. *END NOTES FOR ALL EPISODESHere is a link for more information on season 5. Please note that, in parallel with the production of the conscient podcast and it's francophone counterpart, balado conscient, I publish a Substack newsletter called ‘a calm presence' which are 'short, practical essays for those frightened by the ecological crisis'. To subscribe (free of charge) see https://acalmpresence.substack.com. You'll also find a podcast version of each a calm presence posting on Substack or one your favorite podcast player.Also. please note that a complete transcript of conscient podcast and balado conscient episodes from season 1 to 4 is available on the web version of this site (not available on podcast apps) here: https://conscient-podcast.simplecast.com/episodes.Your feedback is always welcome at claude@conscient.ca and/or on conscient podcast social media: Facebook, X, Instagram or Linkedin. I am grateful and accountable to the earth and the human labour that provided me with the privilege of producing this podcast, including the toxic materials and extractive processes behind the computers, recorders, transportation systems and infrastructure that made this production possible. Claude SchryerLatest update on April 2, 2024

Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Text Posts from the Kids Group: 2023 I, published by jefftk on September 5, 2023 on LessWrong. We have a Facebook group for kid stuff, because if we post a mixture of kid things and other stuff FB's algorithm gets very confused about who to show our posts to. While my annual pictures posts mostly cover the visual side, the text posts are only on FB and I don't like that. So: here's the first ~half of 2023. (Some of these were from me; some were from Julia. Ones saying "me" could mean either of us.) Anna: I thought a blue heron was a bird with blue hair that was in? Lily: I've figured out that if you tell grown-ups something is healthy, they're more likely to get it. Lily: [Confined to her room with covid] Could you refill my water cup? Me: Sure! [Gets cup] [Fills cup. Starts doing something else.] Lily: [Over walkie-talkie] I'm having trouble remembering where I put my water cup, have you seen it? Me: [trying not to laugh] Sorry, I forgot to bring it back up! Lily: Your voice sounds funny, are you ok? Me: I was trying not to laugh. Had you actually forgotten or were you being polite? Lily: Mostly being polite; did I do something funny? Me: Yes, I mean no, I mean I didn't that approach was something you knew how to do yet. Lily: Thanks, I guess? (Worrying when your 8yo is better at social stuff than you are.) Anna: dad, I'm really cold. Me: how about a sweater? Anna: I can't find any of my sweaters. Me: have your looked in your drawer? Anna: I don't want to go upstairs! Anna: Nora, should Lily... not be allowed to play in the fort? Nora: ??? Anna: Is that true? Nora: Yeah! Anna: See Lily, you have to get out! Lily: But Nora says yes to everything! Me: I'm worried you're going to jump on me in a way that hurts. Anna: No, I'm only going to jump on the blanket Me: Yes, but I'm under the blanket! Anna: I don't like it when someone wins and I'm not the person who wins Things Nora is really into right now: Balls, or other round things that could plausibly be considered balls (M&Ms, the globe) Shutting the dishwasher door Animals that roar, especially lions, but also bears, tigers, and other animals that she thinks might roar (monkeys, wombats, cows). There's a house near us with concrete lion statues out front, and she likes to go roar at them. Anna: In the story the king got happier and happier as he gave away his things, but that isn't how it is for me. The problem is I get sadder and sadder as I give away things because I like most things. I just really really like things! Anna: I'm always ready for a challenge that's not at all hard Lily: I'm at an age when I get bored easily Anna: I'm at an age where I don't get bored easily, especially when I'm eating cake Anna: "I was standing on the coffee table watching my fish, and then I started to walk away. I forgot I was on the table and hurt my knee when I fell." She was fine in a minute. I'm not sure what she hurt more: her knee or her pride. Me, a month after getting Anna black socks instead of white ones: Anna, where are you putting your socks when they're dirty? Anna: They don't get dirty. Nora really likes ice cream, and signs for it hopefully at many opportunities. Today, when Erika said no ice cream she started alternating between signing it and saying "Papa". I think as in "Papa let's me have it!" I was just telling this to Julia, and because Nora was present I spelled out "i c e c r e a m". Nora immediately started signing "ice cream". Still hard to distinguish from her base rate of signing "ice cream" at people. You know how you can get more food in a burrito at Chipotle by asking for all the fillings? Anna: "I want an ice cream sundae with double chocolate brownie batter ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, caramel sauce, a piece of popsicle, and a piece of the donut." Lily: Anna! You're taking all the gems! ...

Link to original articleWelcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Text Posts from the Kids Group: 2023 I, published by jefftk on September 5, 2023 on LessWrong.We have a Facebook group for kid stuff, because if we post a mixture of kid things and other stuff FB's algorithm gets very confused about who to show our posts to. While my annualpictures posts mostly cover the visual side, the text posts are only on FB and I don't like that. So: here's the first ~half of 2023.(Some of these were from me; some were from Julia. Ones saying "me" could mean either of us.)Anna: I thought a blue heron was a bird with blue hair that was in?Lily: I've figured out that if you tell grown-ups something is healthy, they're more likely to get it.Lily: [Confined to her room with covid] Could you refill my water cup?Me: Sure! [Gets cup][Fills cup. Starts doing something else.]Lily: [Over walkie-talkie] I'm having trouble remembering where I put my water cup, have you seen it?Me: [trying not to laugh] Sorry, I forgot to bring it back up!Lily: Your voice sounds funny, are you ok?Me: I was trying not to laugh. Had you actually forgotten or were you being polite?Lily: Mostly being polite; did I do something funny?Me: Yes, I mean no, I mean I didn't that approach was something you knew how to do yet.Lily: Thanks, I guess?(Worrying when your 8yo is better at social stuff than you are.)Anna: dad, I'm really cold.Me: how about a sweater?Anna: I can't find any of my sweaters.Me: have your looked in your drawer?Anna: I don't want to go upstairs!Anna: Nora, should Lily... not be allowed to play in the fort?Nora: ???Anna: Is that true?Nora: Yeah!Anna: See Lily, you have to get out!Lily: But Nora says yes to everything!Me: I'm worried you're going to jump on me in a way that hurts.Anna: No, I'm only going to jump on the blanketMe: Yes, but I'm under the blanket!Anna: I don't like it when someone wins and I'm not the person who winsThings Nora is really into right now:Balls, or other round things that could plausibly be consideredballs (M&Ms, the globe)Shutting the dishwasher doorAnimals that roar, especially lions, but also bears, tigers, andother animals that she thinks might roar (monkeys, wombats, cows). There's a house near us with concrete lion statues outfront, and she likes to go roar at them.Anna: In the story the king got happier and happier as he gave away his things, but that isn't how it is for me. The problem is I get sadder and sadder as I give away things because I like most things. I just really really like things!Anna: I'm always ready for a challenge that's not at all hardLily: I'm at an age when I get bored easilyAnna: I'm at an age where I don't get bored easily, especially whenI'm eating cakeAnna: "I was standing on the coffee table watching my fish, and then I started to walk away. I forgot I was on the table and hurt my knee when I fell."She was fine in a minute. I'm not sure what she hurt more: her knee or her pride.Me, a month after getting Anna black socks instead of white ones: Anna, where are you putting your socks when they're dirty?Anna: They don't get dirty.Nora really likes ice cream, and signs for it hopefully at many opportunities. Today, when Erika said no ice cream she started alternating between signing it and saying "Papa". I think as in "Papa let's me have it!"I was just telling this to Julia, and because Nora was present I spelled out "i c e c r e a m". Nora immediately started signing "ice cream".Still hard to distinguish from her base rate of signing "ice cream" at people.You know how you can get more food in a burrito at Chipotle by asking for all the fillings?Anna: "I want an ice cream sundae with double chocolate brownie batter ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, caramel sauce, a piece of popsicle, and a piece of the donut."Lily: Anna! You're taking all the gems!...

Link to original articleWelcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Text Posts from the Kids Group: 2023 I, published by jefftk on September 5, 2023 on LessWrong. We have a Facebook group for kid stuff, because if we post a mixture of kid things and other stuff FB's algorithm gets very confused about who to show our posts to. While my annual pictures posts mostly cover the visual side, the text posts are only on FB and I don't like that. So: here's the first ~half of 2023. (Some of these were from me; some were from Julia. Ones saying "me" could mean either of us.) Anna: I thought a blue heron was a bird with blue hair that was in? Lily: I've figured out that if you tell grown-ups something is healthy, they're more likely to get it. Lily: [Confined to her room with covid] Could you refill my water cup? Me: Sure! [Gets cup] [Fills cup. Starts doing something else.] Lily: [Over walkie-talkie] I'm having trouble remembering where I put my water cup, have you seen it? Me: [trying not to laugh] Sorry, I forgot to bring it back up! Lily: Your voice sounds funny, are you ok? Me: I was trying not to laugh. Had you actually forgotten or were you being polite? Lily: Mostly being polite; did I do something funny? Me: Yes, I mean no, I mean I didn't that approach was something you knew how to do yet. Lily: Thanks, I guess? (Worrying when your 8yo is better at social stuff than you are.) Anna: dad, I'm really cold. Me: how about a sweater? Anna: I can't find any of my sweaters. Me: have your looked in your drawer? Anna: I don't want to go upstairs! Anna: Nora, should Lily... not be allowed to play in the fort? Nora: ??? Anna: Is that true? Nora: Yeah! Anna: See Lily, you have to get out! Lily: But Nora says yes to everything! Me: I'm worried you're going to jump on me in a way that hurts. Anna: No, I'm only going to jump on the blanket Me: Yes, but I'm under the blanket! Anna: I don't like it when someone wins and I'm not the person who wins Things Nora is really into right now: Balls, or other round things that could plausibly be considered balls (M&Ms, the globe) Shutting the dishwasher door Animals that roar, especially lions, but also bears, tigers, and other animals that she thinks might roar (monkeys, wombats, cows). There's a house near us with concrete lion statues out front, and she likes to go roar at them. Anna: In the story the king got happier and happier as he gave away his things, but that isn't how it is for me. The problem is I get sadder and sadder as I give away things because I like most things. I just really really like things! Anna: I'm always ready for a challenge that's not at all hard Lily: I'm at an age when I get bored easily Anna: I'm at an age where I don't get bored easily, especially when I'm eating cake Anna: "I was standing on the coffee table watching my fish, and then I started to walk away. I forgot I was on the table and hurt my knee when I fell." She was fine in a minute. I'm not sure what she hurt more: her knee or her pride. Me, a month after getting Anna black socks instead of white ones: Anna, where are you putting your socks when they're dirty? Anna: They don't get dirty. Nora really likes ice cream, and signs for it hopefully at many opportunities. Today, when Erika said no ice cream she started alternating between signing it and saying "Papa". I think as in "Papa let's me have it!" I was just telling this to Julia, and because Nora was present I spelled out "i c e c r e a m". Nora immediately started signing "ice cream". Still hard to distinguish from her base rate of signing "ice cream" at people. You know how you can get more food in a burrito at Chipotle by asking for all the fillings? Anna: "I want an ice cream sundae with double chocolate brownie batter ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, caramel sauce, a piece of popsicle, and a piece of the donut." Lily: Anna! You're taking all the gems! ...

Conversation with Dr. Wendi Davis, ND. Estimates at least 80% of her clients have sleep trouble. Why is sleep so important? You can't be truly healthy if you're not sleeping well. Sleep is when our brain detoxes, our body recovers, it helps regulate mood, hormones and metabolism. Sleep deprivation causes magnesium deficiency, brain fog, lack of focus, lack of energy, poor diet, mental health problems, and just affects every area of life. Causes of sleep deprivation: stress - high cortisol levels decreases melatonin production. Pain - from autoimmune issues or otherwise, chronic pain can't sleep well. Diet - not eating the right foods, not regulating blood sugar. Hormones - perimenopause or menopause (progesterone helps us produce GABA which helps us fall asleep.) One sleep remedy isn't going to work for everyone. Exercise - be careful of the type of exercise and when you exercise. Diet - food is medicine or a slow form of poison. The biggest thing is sugar. It is poison, kryptonite. At every meal, have good protein and fat to keep your blood sugar stable and get the nutrients you need. The body is one unit, start to put things together and things fall into place. Diet is the foundation. The connection between sleep and mental health. I wish there was more investigation when people have sleep problems, finding the root cause and finding what's not working. (Me: Yes! Yes! Yes!) Recommends 7-9 hours for adults. Advice for those struggling: Focus on your sleep routine, get into bed earlier! Limit blue light before bed, instead have warm, low light to get your body producing melatonin. Diet: what are you eating on a regular basis? do you need a snack before bed or not? Exercise - try to move it earlier in your day so it's not right before bed Deep breathing/meditation/prayer, to bring cortisol down Supplementation - magnesium glycinate, melatonin, herbal teas, essential oils Pay attention to your exposure to emfs Get help! If you are still struggling with sleep after trying a few things. Find a practitioner that will help you find out why! Gut health - you are what you eat, but you are what you eat and absorb. If your gut health is off, then that can definitely affect your sleep. (Seratonin and melatonin production.) CBD good for sleep? Medicinal use of cannabis for sleep can be great for some people. Some need to be careful using it long term. Wendy recommends: A great cookbook! - One of my favorites: Paleo Press Cooking Her favorite snack - dehydrated apples with nut butter She would love to see on the podcast - Lewellyn Melnyk - author and her book Rooted Kyla Johanson - Live Blood Cell Analysis and here Nancy Wozniak - stage 4 colon cancer survivor Connect with Dr. Wendy Davis, ND Website and blog Shop with Dr. Wendy Instagram Connect with the Daily Wellness Community website: dailywellnesscommunity.com IG: @dailywellnesscommunity Facebook: Daily Wellness Community Leave a podcast review on Apple Podcasts Some products I mention may be affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission if you decide to make a purchase through one of my links. Our family greatly appreciates your support, it helps us keep creating the free resources we make for you all! DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

This might be a hot button topic.   In the time between when we recorded this and posting it, I had a situation where I did call someone out. Not for an inappropriate joke exactly but for using a slur to “jokingly” insult someone.   Frank Galindo, Paula Jenkins and Dr Cole Galloway had this really tough conversation with me. Listening back to it, I wish I had taken my own advice and asked the person why they thought it was okay to use the slur they did.   I would love your thoughts on the content of this video, what you do in situations like this and your feedback on the situation below. Was I a bully for creating a boundary?   This happened at a private, social, non-work event. All of the parties are personally well known to each other. There is a power difference between Person A and Person B. Person C is at the same level as Person A. None of us work together.   Person A: You look like a (insert homophobic slur).   Person B: Looked embarrassed and did not respond.   Me: You can't say that. It's rude and not cool.   Person A: Reasons and excuses why it's okay and none of my business.   Me: I am not going to stand by and allow abuse to happen. If I hear it it is my business and I am going to say something. Please do not use that language around me.   Person A: It's not abuse.   Me: Yes. It is.   Persona A: Awkwardness and glaring but no verbal response.   Later –   Person C: If you want to be part of this social circle you really need to mind your own business. We go along to get along here. Stop policing and bullying. Just because you have a problem doesn't mean it is actually a problem. If you REALLY can't help yourself, say something privately. Not in front of other people.   Me (repeating myself): I am never going to let abuse just happen. If the culture here is to let abusers slide and not let the person being abused know I'm not okay with what is happening, this group isn't my people.   Person C: You made the situation really uncomfortable for everyone.    Me: As opposed to it being uncomfortable just for Person B.   Person C: If they have a problem, they can speak up for themselves.   Me: Since I'm being shut down for speaking up and I have more power/status in this group then they do, I doubt it.   What is the right thing to do in that situation?   Connect with the panelists: Cole Galloway, PT, PhD: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cole-galloway-1ba715107/ Paula Jenkins, MBA: https://www.linkedin.com/in/paulajenkinslfsconsulting/ Francisco "Frank" Galindo: https://www.linkedin.com/in/frankgalindo-mba/ Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/ Concierge High Performance Psychologist providing luxury level support to executives, entrepreneurs, celebrities, dignitaries and athletes as well as the Facilitator of the Quick Hits podcast   Want a summary of the Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/    #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

(bell, breath and occasional balloon sounds)Me : have you ever had the feeling that you were being observed?Observer : I'm observing you. Me: Who are you and what are you observing? Observer: Ah, well, I'm a part of you and  I'm observing the traps that you fall into.Me:  Traps?Observer : Do you remember the Facing Human Wrongs course you took during the summer of 2022Me: Ya.Observer: The one about navigating paradoxes and complexities of social and global change and all those trappings along the way?Me: Ya, I remember. Easier said than done, though.Observer: YupMe: So. What are you observing? Observer : Well, what can I say? I notice that you've fallen into a trap called ‘exit fixation' which is where people feel a strong urge to walk out on an existing commitment. For example, when someone realises that the path they are on is full of paradoxes, contradictions, and complicities. Often their first response is to find an immediate exit in hopes of a more fulfilling and/or more innocent alternative or maybe even  an ideal community with whom to continue this work. Me: Like an escape?Observer: Ya, something like thatMe: BTW where are those balloon sounds coming from?Observer : Oh, that's from your imaginationMe: hum. It sounds like …Observer: (laughter) it could be anything Me: OK. Anyway, what else do you see?Observer: Well. I also see a trap called proselytizing which happens when people try to teach and convince others that a particular issue of interest should be the most important thing for everyone. Me: Wait a second, I do that all the time as a climate activist and with my art and ecology podcast and… Observer :(interrupting) of course you do and well you should - no worries - but, the danger is that your work could be perceived as an effort to assert ‘moral high ground' and while this trap may be driven by a genuine passion for an issue, and you certainly are passionate about your work, it has the potential to impose onto others in a way that does not respect their own un/learning journey, and often actually has the opposite effect, pushing people away rather than inviting them in. Me: ok. Ya, I see. Let me think about that.Observer: Sure and when this trap occurs, it can be useful to ask, you know, why do I need to teach or convince or inspire others about my learning experience? Where is this perceived need stemming from?  And if you really feel you need to bring something to the attention of others, maybe you can ask yourself: What is the most pedagogically responsible and effective thing to do so that your message can land?Me: ok. What else? Observer:  I also see some virtue signalling and self-righteousness trappings, which is when you assert yourself  as having the best, most righteous, most critical, most insightful, most creative, most valid or, the most marginalised perspective. Observer: This approach tends to be focused on wanting to be seen in a certain way by others or by oneself, and may be motivated by a desire to minimize or deny one's complicity in harm. Me: maybe subconsciously, but it's a catch 22, isn'it ?Observer: (interrupting) more like a labyrinth or a dilemma that you need to sit with… You remember when Donna Haraway says that we need to ‘stay with the trouble'. Something like that. (silence) ok. one last trap?Me: SureObserver: This is a tough one for you. Me: hum…Observer: Hey I need you to be strong here buddy, okMe: Ya ya ya I'm listening Observer:. It's called spiritual bypassing and it happens when spiritual ideas or practices are used to sidestep, avoid, or escape sitting with analyses of historical and systemic violence and the difficulties of one's complicity in historic and systemic harm. Do you know what I mean? Me: Yes I think I do but I don't think I do this.Observer: (interrupting) maybe not consciously but spiritual bypassing often manifests itself alongside with cultural appropriation which is something you think about every time you record a soundscape with that microphone of yours, right?  Me: I see what you mean. You're quite a good observer. Observer:  thank you but right back at you. Think of me as a guardian angel.Me: Or the devil… Observer: Whatever (laughter) Now one of the dangers with spiritual bypassing is to project interpretations of ‘oneness' that erase the realities of historical and systemic inequalities, and interpretations of ‘Enlightenment' that tend to reinforce exceptionalism and you tend to do that…Me: Yes, sure, I do, but it's all part of being an artist.. Observer: (interrupting) True but that does not necessarily make it right, does it? Something to think about...Me: (interrupting) That's a lot to think about, to learn and unlearn.Observer:  what are the traps in your life? *This episode is longer than the usual 5 minutes ( 7 minutes) because that's how long it took to tell this story.This episode  comes from learnings I received from taking the Facing Human Wrongs course during the summer of 2022 with support from Azul Carolina Duque.The sound of balloon came to me while I was deflating a balloon while creating sound for a theatre production called Why Worry About their Future, produced by my colleague Sanita Fejzić, as part of the undercurrents festival here in Ottawa, when I realised that the sound of air being released from a balloon was the right sound to accompany this 2 person play. I am grateful and accountable to the earth and the human labour that provided me with the privilege of producing this episode. (including all the toxic materials and extractive processes behind the computers, recorders, transportation and infrastructure that make this podcast possible).My gesture of reciprocity for this episode is to the South American Indigenous Network Emergency Fund (second donation). *END NOTES FOR ALL EPISODESHere is a link for more information on season 5. Please note that, in parallel with the production of the conscient podcast and it's francophone counterpart, balado conscient, I publish a Substack newsletter called ‘a calm presence' which are 'short, practical essays for those frightened by the ecological crisis'. To subscribe (free of charge) see https://acalmpresence.substack.com. You'll also find a podcast version of each a calm presence posting on Substack or one your favorite podcast player.Also. please note that a complete transcript of conscient podcast and balado conscient episodes from season 1 to 4 is available on the web version of this site (not available on podcast apps) here: https://conscient-podcast.simplecast.com/episodes.Your feedback is always welcome at claude@conscient.ca and/or on conscient podcast social media: Facebook, X, Instagram or Linkedin. I am grateful and accountable to the earth and the human labour that provided me with the privilege of producing this podcast, including the toxic materials and extractive processes behind the computers, recorders, transportation systems and infrastructure that made this production possible. Claude SchryerLatest update on April 2, 2024

Rama Sreenivasan is a co-founder and CEO at Blitzz, a live remote video support and inspection platform. Rama has led the company through its initial inception launch and subsequent growth to several million video support minutes per month. Major customers include BMW, Sealy, FedEx, and Rogers Telecommunications. Before founding Blitzz in 2017, Rama spent several years working as a Scientist and Educator. His biggest joy comes from helping others solve their problems and he is passionate about finding effective ways to disseminate knowledge. Rama has a PhD and MS in Chemical Engineering from the University of Maryland College Park. He also did his Postdoctoral research at MIT in Cambridge, Boston.   Questions We always like to give them an opportunity to share in your own words, how you got to where you are today and why you ended up on this journey that you are on? So, could you share with our listeners a little bit about Blitzz? What does Blitzz do? Is Blitzz an acronym for something and may I ask? I'm not sure if you actually have a reason for it. But like, what inspired you to name the company Blitzz? The whole method of augmented reality enabled Smart Glasses that your company is using to enable hands free support, making it even easier to fix a car stereo appliance and more. Could you share a little bit about how that works? And what the process is? And how easy has it been for customers to transition using this new method of resolution? What are some trends that you see emerging in 2023 and beyond as it relates to technology, maybe one or two that you have observed, or you see that are emerging that you'd be willing to share with our audience? Could you also share with our audience what's the one online resource, tool, website or app that you absolutely can't live without in your business? Could you also share with us maybe one or two books that have had the biggest impact on you? It could be a book that you read very recently, or even one you read a very long time ago, but it really has had a great impact on your life, and you just believe it would be a good value to share with our audience. Could you also share with our listeners, maybe one or two things that you do personally to stay motivated every day, despite any challenges or adversities that you may face? Could you also share with our audience, what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about, either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people? Where can listeners find you online? Do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge you'll tend to revert to this quote, it kind of helps to get you back on track if for any reason you got derailed.   Highlights Rama's Journey   Me: So, even though we read the bio of our guests, the formal constructed background of where our guests history is, and how they got to where they are today, we always like to give them an opportunity to share in your own words, how you got to where you are today and why you ended up on this journey that you are on?   Rama stated that that's a pretty deep question. Start with a little bit about his background, he grew up in India and Indonesia, so two countries far away from here. And always been guided by a lot of the values from his parents, his dad was an engineer. He's retired right now and back in India, and his mom was a teacher as well. So, a lot of great values growing up and the fundamental thing was always trying to care for people, to help them. And his strength in math and science naturally led him to be an engineer, just like his dad.   And he always looks for opportunities to help people out with technology. And that's been his journey so far. But one thing led to another and here he is, running a software company, although, all his education was in chemical engineering, he did my Master's, his PhD post-doc, worked for a couple of semiconductor companies. But it was during that journey that he saw the need to help people with technology, as they struggled to troubleshoot equipment.   And so, the equipment came in through his engineering, the desire to help came through his value system. And then he started looking for technologies, he stumbled across technologies and he puts all these together and that's how Blitzz was born when he met his co-founder, KR, who used to work at Google before he joined him in starting Blitzz.   What Does Blitzz Do?   Me: So, could you share with our listeners a little bit about Blitzz? What does Blitzz do? Is Blitzz an acronym for something and may I ask? I'm not sure if you actually have a reason for it. But like, what inspired you to name the company Blitzz?   Rama shared that he'll start with the name Blitzz. Blitzz with one Z actually means getting something done fast and efficiently. There's also another meaning, which refers to the Blitzkrieg during World War. But the second meaning is what they're referring to here. The reason why they went with two Z's was honestly because one Z the website was already taken, so they went with two Z, that it was also a little cooler with two Z's. So, that's what Blitzz means to get something done fast and efficiently.   And regarding what it does, so they provide a way to have an app free live video call with anyone on the planet. As most people know today, in the video calls are pretty rapid, especially the pandemic got people started on video calling, especially in not just personally but at work as well. But many people don't know that it can be done without an app download.   And there are specific reasons why you want to do it without an app download especially when you're helping out a customer who's calling in into a contact centre, as you very well know, in customer service, you get a call in from someone that you've hardly met, you probably talking for the first time, they're probably frustrated with a piece of equipment, or perhaps their internet router, right? And to get on a video call with that person by asking them to download an app only frustrates them even more. So, there's got to be an easier way and that's what Blitzz is. He hopes that explained clearly what Blitzz is.   Smart Glasses – How it Works and the Process   Me: So, what intrigued me Rama, about interviewing you was this whole method of augmented reality enabled Smart Glasses that your company is using to enable hands free support, making it even easier to fix a car stereo appliance and more. So, I am all into customer experience, as you know, because that's the podcast Navigating the Customer Experience.   But I thought this was so cool that you could literally work with a client to not physically be in the same space but be using that technology to help them get their issue resolved. Could you share a little bit about how that works? And what the process is? And how easy has it been for customers to transition using this new method of resolution?   Rama shared that let him clarify that the Smart Glass hands free use case is, it's a different use case when it comes to someone, a consumer calling a contact centre. So, the Smart Glasses doesn't apply to that. That applies to technicians out in the field who are probably climbing up a windmill or cell phone tower or need their hands free to hold them to the study as they climb a piece of equipment or hold tools in their hands to follow instructions from a remote expert. So, that's the Smart Glass site.   But with consumers calling and say, if you've got a problem with your charger, as you charge your car in your ED vehicle, and you're not able to charge it, and you call the one 1800 number in the US, for example, that's what do you typically call for customer support. Somebody at a contact centre picks up the call and today they want to help you out, the whole idea is to get you going on your way.   But today, most of them operate blind meaning that they can't see your problem. And when they operate blind, they tend to ask a bunch of questions, which is typically aggravating because you're thinking to yourself in front of the car, if only you could see this. Well, that's what Blitzz is. At that point in time, the way it works is as a contact centre agent, you would simply send them a text link, they would get it on their phone.   So, while they had the phone to the air, now they will get a link to look at the phone take it away from their ear and look at the screen, they would click on the link, immediately the back camera turns on and within a few seconds without an app download, the contact centre agent is actually looking at the charging port of the car. So, just cuts down all those extra questions and they could point to things, they can mark images up, they can communicate very clearly as if they were standing right next to the person in front of the car just through remote video.   Me: All right, amazing. And how do you find technology helping customers because a lot of organizations are using technology and I do believe that it really should be used to enhance the experience to make things frictionless or effortless for the customer. But I also believe that the human element is still very critical to the experience that the customer has, because technology can fail. And so, how do you think as we transition and we move forward because I'm sure there's more opportunities for technology to be infusioned into the experience that we have, that we blended in such a way that they complement each other rather than create further frustration and pain and discomfort for customers.   Rama shared that he couldn't have said it any better. But right on point. The blending of technology and the human empathy is very important and that's what they focus on when they take Blitzz to the contact centres. So, the ability to get the customer agent eyes on the problem brings in that technology piece. And because of being able to see the problem and connect with the consumer who's calling in a pain free, frictionless manner, like you just mentioned, make sure that they're in sync, they understand each other. And then as they see the problem, now they can solve it better and perhaps, most of the cases, what happens is they're able to solve the problem and avoid sending out a technician or avoid sending the product back to the manufacturer and saving a ton of trouble by just being able to see it and solve it within a few minutes.   Trends Emerging in 2023 as it Relates to Technology   Me: Have you seen, you're in the whole technology space, I would say trends that you see emerging in 2023 and beyond as it relates to technology, maybe one or two that you have observed, or you see that are emerging that you'd be willing to share with our audience?   Rama shared that yes, absolutely. There are lots of tools that are AI related, even in the case of video, as video's getting more rampant in businesses, not just in personal communication, technologies like Blitzz come in almost every other month and capture more data and that data is fed into machine learning. And you can use that data very effectively to make downstream processes more efficient.   For example, even during a Blitzz call, how do we empower the agent to provide the right solution to the caller? Imagine the agent is able to immediately get access to an instruction manual based on the make and model of the equipment that the agent is supporting to troubleshoot, being able to pull that resolution step or the answer to the problem and giving the agent immediate access so that they can help the customer and have them go about their day, very, very quickly, is very powerful.   So, AI, augmented reality video are all the tools that are coming out with great efficiencies, much like 10 years ago, chat came about for customer experience. So, he would like to say that video is like the new chat, because now your eyes are on the problem.   App, Website or Tool that Rama Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business   When asked about an online resource that he can't live without in his business, Rama shared that that's a good one. He's been thinking about it for a bit. He would say, for him, the biggest value is just the cloud, even if he loses his laptop today, and there are lots of tools, but all those are cloud based tools. Even if his laptop is lost, he can go get another one and just seamlessly continue working as if nothing was missing. Because all the data, be it Gmail, be it tools, collaborative tools like Slack, or be it a CRM like HubSpot for his business. All these tools are on the cloud and he could just go get another laptop and continue working.   So, he would say, connectivity to the cloud is what he would need absolutely for the business. And they're all cloud-based tools important to migrate. It's really important to migrate to the cloud for businesses who are looking to the future because of the ease of working in the cloud is just incredible.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on Rama   When asked about books that have had the biggest impact, Rama shared that the book that comes to him was The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. That's more of a personal journey of being very mindfully aware of his strengths and weaknesses, it's kind of a metaphysical book, but it really made him aware of his own thinking process, and who he is as a person. And what does he want to do with his life.   There's also another book, he's actually looking for around as he speaks. It's a more recent book, it's by the author Dan Bapani and he has written a very good book on the ability to concentrate or the power of concentration. And he's really enjoyed reading that book because it again, helps him be very mindfully aware of everything he does on a daily basis and be the best he can be. Both these things have really helped him be very present and live consciously.   How Rama Stay Motivated   When asked about how he stays motivated, Rama shared that he would say that would be definitely some yoga and meditation, that really puts him centre and it makes sure that things that really keep him keep me on track, he doesn't give up on those habits.   The funny thing about great habits is they get you to a spot where you're really enjoying life and that paradoxically also makes you not pursue those habits. So, you have to keep doing what you did to get there in order to be able to stay there. For him that is yoga and meditation.   What Rama is Really Excited About Now!   When asked about something that's going on right now that he's really excited about, Rama shared that he would say being a father of two small kids, 5 and 7. And running a company, trying to scale it. He's always trying to find more balance and one of the other things he's added in his life that he's actually gotten back to because he couldn't do it when the kids were younger, was climbing. So, he loves climbing and what he's really excited about is to get back to Yosemite, which is really close by in the valley and do some multi pitch climbing, which means climbing several pitches of rock. And that is pretty, pretty adventurous and exhilarating for him.   Me: Yes, that sounds very exciting and dangerous. But I suppose it depends on your perspective.   Rama shared that it's actually surprisingly, if you do it well, a joke to people, what typically is more dangerous is driving to Yosemite, rather than climbing because it's easier to get into trouble driving a car too fast than doing something very slow, like climbing, which is actually very controlled, provided you're very mindful.   Me: Yeah, and I do imagine there's some amount of skill involved in climbing as well.   Rama agreed, yes, there is but it does take some time and definitely getting trained with a good teacher is important, but again, what he's realized is being very conscious about everything you do, being very hyper aware of what you do, really helps to be safe.   Where Can We Find Rama Online   LinkedIn – Rama Sreenivasan Website – www.blitzz.com   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Rama Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Rama shared that he thinks of Bill Watterson, he's the author of Calvin and Hobbes, and he tries and bring in a little bit of humour in the face of adversity, and he said it through Calvin, his quote was, “God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I'm so far behind that I am certain that I shall never die.”   Me: Okay. And would you like to expound on that for our audience and explain what that means?   Rama shared that he just thought it was really funny, he was kind of a self-deprecating humour. I'm here to accomplish a certain number of things. And we all get stuck in the rat race, right, trying to do so much but what when you stop back and think, right now, it's nice to laugh at yourself and say, “Hey, we're so far behind and all the list of things that I have to do that if I have to get all of them done, according to God, I should never die because I'm so far behind.”   Me: Oh, my goodness. Yes, it's quite comical. If only that were true, we all do have an expiry date, we just don't know when.   Rama agreed yes. But sometimes he feels at least his personality, he tends to take himself too seriously. So, he has to remind himself to also lighten up, let go and we're all here to help each other out and have a good time and take care of other people.   Me: Indeed. Well, thank you so much Rama for taking time out of your very busy schedule, to hop on our podcast, Navigating the Customer Experience and just share with us some of the trends that you see emerging in the technology space, why technology needs to still be fused in with the human interaction, the human experience, because at the end of the day, neither of them can function on their own and blended together that will definitely create a better experience for customers. And so, we appreciate you sharing all of the great nuggets and insights in our conversation today and so we just want to express our gratitude to you for that.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners   Links The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Toole   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

We have a return guest Jason Ten-Pow. Jason was on our podcast last year September and he has returned. Jason is the son of immigrants, moved to Canada with his family when he was seven years old. His passion for customer experience was sparked as a teenager while working behind the meat counter of a carnival-themed grocery store in Toronto, Ontario. From there, Ten-Pow co-ran a niche computer technology company, Visionary Enterprises, that built and installed computers and networks.   This venture taught him the basics of running a business and his commitment to customer service sparked the confidence to found ONR, his CX consulting firm in 2001. As the founder and president of ONR, Ten-Pow has expanded his lifelong passion for creating unbreakable customer relationships into an organization with more than 20 years of experience helping renowned brands evolve their customer success stories.   Questions   What is Blockchain? what are you talking about? So, could you share with us a little bit about what Blockchain is and how that even can impact customer experience? Could you give me in real life terms like, I'm a business; let's say, for example, I own a retail outlet, how does Blockchain affect me, I'm selling stuff online, I have a retail store where customers can come in face to face. What does that mean for my customers? Who do you see adopting Blockchain in terms of customer? Could you expound for us as it relates to data transparency and consumer loyalty? Could give them maybe one or two CX tips that you think will allow them to really connect with their customers, build better and stronger and deeper relationships. What would those two tips be for 2022? Could you share with our listeners, what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about? Either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people. Where can listeners find you online? Do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge, you'll tend to revert to this quote, it kind of helps to get you back on track if for any reason you get derailed? Do you have one of those?   Highlights   What is Blockchain?   Me: So, we're having Jason back on our podcast. As I mentioned, he was here with us last year September talking about his book Unbreakable: A proven process for building unbreakable relationships with customers. And today he's here to share with us a little bit about his release that was released earlier this month. The title of the article was Wider Blockchain Adoption Will Impact Customer Experience. And so, my question to you Jason is for those persons that are listening to me are probably saying to themselves, what is Blockchain? what are you talking about? So, could you share with us a little bit about what Blockchain is and how that even can impact customer experience?   Jason stated that Blockchain can be many things, but at its core, it's the ability of information to be transferred either by the customer or by a product. So, information is tagged and carried along a pathway that can be picked up and shared, but it's also a very secure way of sharing information. And at its core, the value or the benefit for businesses is that it allows them to acquire a lot more information about their customers and more holistic information about the customer. And for the customer, the benefit is they can have a much better understanding of the product itself, where it was created and where it was manufactured and how it ended up in their hands.   So, Blockchain is really about a safe way of transmitting information back and forth amongst various sources. And the benefit for CX is that it allows businesses to have to acquire much deeper knowledge about its customers. And for the customer, it allows the customer to understand the product they're purchasing, and where it came from in a much more deep and meaningful way.   And this is exceptionally important today because, well, you think of movements such as ESG, which is Environmental Impact, Social Responsibility and Governance, which is very important considerations for customers that are purchasing a product, it's good to have an understanding of who's manufacturing, where this product is from, and if it was manufactured in an environmentally, with minimally environmental impact, and in a socially responsible manner. And so, these are very important bits of information that are being transformed.   How Does Blockchain Affect a Retail Outlet Owner?   Me: All right, now, you kind of gave us the book definition just now of Blockchain. Could you give me in real life terms like, I'm a business; let's say, for example, I own a retail outlet, how does Blockchain affect me, I'm selling stuff online, I have a retail store where customers can come in face to face. What does that mean for my customers?   Jason stated that what that means for your customers is that you have a lot more information about your customers when they make a purchase. And you'd mean, not just simply their transaction information, but you can have depending on what's in that Blockchain, you can have much deeper information like their age, if they share that with you, like a whole host of very important demographic information that is now connected to the actual purchase of the product, which allows you to know the customer in a much deeper way, in a much easier manner than you've ever been able to before.   Me: Now, what are some of the industries that you see adopting this new method of payment?   Jason stated that it's funny, he thinks any industry that is transacting online, this will be huge for, financial institutions are going to be right on top of this, retailers are going to really care about this. Why? Because it's an easier way to acquire knowledge, and to know your customer. Now, for example, the types of customers that will care about this, especially customers that are trying to be socially responsible, making sure that their products that they're purchasing are having minimal negative impact on the environment, or that the company that's building this product is being inclusive in their hiring practices, all this type of information can be shared across this Blockchain.   And so, at the end of the day, that's the overall sort of long-term benefit. Now, we're right in the infancy of this new technology so that's what's very exciting. But at the same time, we're seeing a lot of changes in how customers make decisions, where price used to be the primary drivers, and even for companies, revenue used to be their sort of main goal that they wanted to achieve. Now you're seeing much wider, sort of the range of metrics that companies measure themselves against for success, including things like environmental impact, social responsibility, and governance, which the short term for that is ESG, which is a really hot topic right now, because customers are very interested in understanding the impact their products are having, both socially and on the environment.   Customers Who Are Adopting Blockchain   Me: Now, in your release, you had mentioned that Blockchain Adoption has highlighted some customers, how some customers are looking for new different offerings, it's new, and you know for example, as it relates to the different types of buying personas, if that's the best way to describe it, you will have like the millennials, you have the Gen z's, who do you see adopting in terms of customer base because for example, I don't see my mom engaging in this.   Jason stated no, absolutely. This is definitely for the next generation. We know the up-and-coming generation, the young folks, they are much more cognizant of the environment, and of social justice and equality and those are the customers and the ability to have this information will really benefit, not only because they're more likely to purchase online, but also because they care about these things when they're making the purchase decision much more so than previous generations have.   Me: Okay, and when you say they care, is that kind of tying back into where you said, emotion will now take an even larger role in decision making all because of the fact that they're concerned about equality, justice, fairness, those are things that are high on reasons why they buy from a company?   Jason agreed. You better believe it. You're absolutely right. And what we're seeing more and more today is that it's not simply a price comparison, a lot of the products that the younger generation are purchasing, there's deep reasons behind why they're purchasing that's very different than previous generations. And so, absolutely, that's a huge selling point. And that's just literally where the marketplace is going in the future, because at the end of the day, why do companies care about ESG? It's because the customers are demanding that brands be socially responsible, take care of the environment and that has to be taken into account when you're looking at whether your brand is profitable or not.   Data Transparency and Consumer Loyalty   Me: Now, you also mentioned in your article that there in this whole process, it's important for the companies to adhere to industry regulation and improve supply chain management and there are three things that you touched on industry regulation, data transparency, and consumer loyalty. Could you expound for us as it relates to data transparency and consumer loyalty?   Jason shared that this is where you intersect a lot of different new trends that we're seeing. So for example, if you want to be considered environmentally friendly, the government has set up regulations and standards of which to measure your level of environmental impact the company's having, and in the USA, it's now starting to roll out and become more adhered to. However, other standards around for example, social responsibilities really haven't been set. So, how you measure a brand's level of social responsibility is really up in the air.   And so, right now you're having different ways of measuring it. But what is going to happen eventually, is that there's going to be a standardized way of measuring it and this is where it comes back to customer loyalty. Because if these customers care about these things, they'll be looking at these indicators to understand how the brand they want to purchase from measures up across these very important dimensions.   Me: I get you. So, it's all connected. And then the general supply chain, how does that tie back in?   Jason stated that supply chain exactly, where are your products coming from? Is it being manufactured in a place that is not setting socially responsible markers for how they treat employees, there's in terms of wages, in terms of environmental protection in all of these different areas. So in the past, a company could afford to just measure where they're going to manufacture a product simply on which is the cheapest location - that is going to change as well. Because if that information becomes freely available, customers will be thinking, “You know what, I don't want to purchase this shirt that's made in this part of the world where they're using child labour. I would prefer to pay a few dollars more to purchase it from a brand that's socially responsible.” Does that make sense?   Me: Yes, it does, it totally does. But it also, I think, will require a lot of research on the part of the consumer or the way how the Blockchain system is set up now, they will be able to delve and capture that information readily when they're making the purchase.   Jason stated that that's the future and that's the sort of Holy Grail is to be able to look at the product, scan this code, be able to understand exactly where all this information about the product and it's all at your fingertips. So, the customer can make a much more informed decision than they ever have been able to do before.   Me: Over the years I've definitely seen customer experience evolve, at one point, if you look back at how customers made decisions before, it was heavily driven by what the organization told them, especially before the age of the internet where you could do your own research. And it's like the tables have totally turned Jason where I mean, the ball is fully and even more so as you mentioned, this new technology, this new way of decision making, as we go forward, it's even more in the court of the customer, because the customers are given so much more ammunition now and they should be, because at the end of the day, they're the ones that are opening their wallets, and spending to create these astronomical profits for these organizations globally. So why not put the decision-making capability in their hands, so they can really make a choice for the product or service that they want to purchase holistically.   Jason agreed, absolutely. And what it's going to put a lot of pressure on companies to really deliver a bespoke customer experience that's unique to the needs of every customer, so it will be slightly different. Why? Because that's what customers are going to demand, “You're going to care about the things I care about, right? And you're going to tell me exactly how you are manufacturing these things, and you're going to deliver a shopping experience the way I want a shopping experience to be delivered.”   And what that allows companies is to actually be able to build a more customized experience, because they will have that information readily available. And so, the transparency that will be possible will benefit both the brands if they take advantage of it. But it's definitely going to put a lot more power in the hands of the customer especially because it's exactly you said, knowledge is power and the more knowledge the customer has, the more informed decision they can make.   CX Tips That Will Allow Businesses to Connect and Build Better and Deeper Relationships with Their Customers   Me: Now, Jason, I know the first quarter of the year has passed, but we're in the beginning of the second quarter. But could you give our listeners maybe one or two CX tips that you think, outside of this new technology, because as you mentioned, it's still in its infancy stages, but let's say where they are currently in their business, they're just not there yet clearly. But they're looking to ensure that they employ maybe the best, if you could give them maybe one or two tips that you think will allow them to really connect with their customers, build better and stronger and deeper relationships, what would those two tips be for 2022?   Jason stated that 2022 is the year of Listening and here's why, the marketplace has changed coming out of the pandemic, customers have different expectations for shopping and purchasing experiences and it's different than ever before. And the customers are really going to dictate how they want to shop and how they're going to purchase moving forward. There's a lot of companies out there that are just thinking to themselves, “Oh, I'm just going to hold out until we get back to how things were before.” And the truth of the matter is, things are not going to go back to how they were before, things have changed, and they are different.   And unless you start listening more closely to your customers in every interaction, whether you're a restaurant listening to your patrons and their feedback in terms of what they want, and how they want it delivered, to major brands who are selling investments in ESG, stocks and ETFs, all and everywhere in between.   If you're not listening to your customers and understanding how their wants, needs and desires have evolved, you are going to be left behind and that is really his encouragement to companies coming out at the pandemic to start listening to your customers more closely than you ever have before. Because their opinions and their values have changed.   Me: I've heard some organizations say that they think customers are way more sensitive, they complain about the least little thing since the pandemic, what are your thoughts on organizations that view their customer feedback as customers being too sensitive and it's almost like they're not open to being flexible or being adaptable to take the feedback that the customer is giving them.   Jason shared that it's funny, the brands that they work with that they hear this from are brands that are stuck in the past. And he often hears, “This is the way we've always done it.”   And so, those are the brands that that may have been the way you've done it in the past, but if you don't change your focus from short term financial, quarter over quarter goals, to a longer-term view of what success really means beyond just simply your short-term financial metrics, you're going to be in big trouble. And this is really the tug of war that's going on, it's the old sort of dynamic of, okay, near term profits at any cost versus taking a longer view of your brand, and your brand's health. And let's be honest, public corporations are the ones that have been most guilty of that and those are the ones that he believes are going to be at biggest risk if they don't adapt themselves to the evolving customer.   What Jason is Really Excited About Now!   Jason shared that they're working to develop a better understanding of the impact ESG is going to have on decision making over the next 12 to 24 months. So, over that time, they'll be speaking to investors and customers, as well as business leaders to understand who is driving from an organizational point of view, interest in ESG. And what measures companies are taking to implement tactics that address customers ESG concerns? And how important is ESG becoming in the decision making of customers? So, those are the three angles they're looking at. And so, it's going to be quite interesting, because he thinks what we're talking about Blockchain is just one aspect of the bigger evolution that's taking place.   And so, it's going to be interesting to see how these things evolve together, because there's still many that think that this is a fad, it's going away. They're betting against that, they're saying no, these things are here to stay, and these are the changes in evolution and how business is being conducted. So, it'll be interesting to see what business leaders are thinking in terms of these new and various approaches to thinking about the company's success.   Where Can We Find Jason Online   LinkedIn – Jason Ten-Pow Website – www.onrcx.com   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Jason Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Jason stated yes. First thing is, “Stop” whatever you're doing stop, take a deep breath. If you have a big problem, the first thing you want to do is you want to cut that problem into smaller chunks that are manageable, that are solvable, and then create a pathway ahead, don't just see a problem and dive in and try to solve it. Because that's the biggest issue that companies and that's why they hit the wall, “Oh, I want to improve customer experience. Great. I want this metric up 10%. Let's throw money at the wall and see what sticks.” No, that's never the right approach. You have to take a very strategic approach to these types of problems and these types of challenges, and you have to always have a plan. So, make sure you stop and take the time to plan.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners   Links Unbreakable: A proven process for building unbreakable relationships with customers by Jason Ten-Pow   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Common Knowledge is a Circle Game for Toddlers, published by ryan b on April 13, 2022 on LessWrong. I wanted to jot down a particular instance of a common interaction I have with my daughter. My child, wife, and I are sitting around the coffee table in the living room discussing the plan to take the car to the mechanic the next day. We describe this as going on an adventure to the child as a lingering holdover from isolation during covid, which seems to be fine because she enjoys car rides. What is different from the usual this time is that I am coming; normally car adventures are my wife driving, because she runs most of the errands. The following (simplified) dialogue takes place: Child: "Dad, can you come in the car tomorrow?" Me: "I am coming in the car tomorrow." Child: "Really?! You are coming?" Me: "Yes." Child: "Mom! Did you know Dad is coming in the car tomorrow?" Mom: "Yes! He is coming with us tomorrow." Child: "Dad! Mom knows you are coming tomorrow! You are both coming!" Me: "Yes!" Keep in mind we have all been present for the whole conversation. We are sitting around a coffee table. None of us are more than three feet from each other. It struck me that what my daughter was doing was trying to explicitly track what her mom and I knew. I expect this falls somewhere under the theory-of-mind stage of development, but what stuck out to me was the procedure she undertook, which looked something like three loops: One loop with me, of establishing the fact and confirming the fact. A lateral loop to mom, of establishing that mom knows the fact and confirming that mom knows the fact. A lateral loop back to me, of establishing that I know that mom knows, and confirming that I know that mom knows. The looping strategy reminded me of Circle Games, and only after this did it occur to me that the object of the game was common knowledge. My child has been playing these kinds of games for a while now, on reflection; but recently they have grown in frequency and elaboration enough that I began to wonder why she seemed to be spending more time on what I instinctively treat as mundane details. The connection to common knowledge did not crystalize until this event. Thanks for listening. To help us out with The Nonlinear Library or to learn more, please visit nonlinear.org.

Link to original articleWelcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Common Knowledge is a Circle Game for Toddlers, published by ryan b on April 13, 2022 on LessWrong. I wanted to jot down a particular instance of a common interaction I have with my daughter. My child, wife, and I are sitting around the coffee table in the living room discussing the plan to take the car to the mechanic the next day. We describe this as going on an adventure to the child as a lingering holdover from isolation during covid, which seems to be fine because she enjoys car rides. What is different from the usual this time is that I am coming; normally car adventures are my wife driving, because she runs most of the errands. The following (simplified) dialogue takes place: Child: "Dad, can you come in the car tomorrow?" Me: "I am coming in the car tomorrow." Child: "Really?! You are coming?" Me: "Yes." Child: "Mom! Did you know Dad is coming in the car tomorrow?" Mom: "Yes! He is coming with us tomorrow." Child: "Dad! Mom knows you are coming tomorrow! You are both coming!" Me: "Yes!" Keep in mind we have all been present for the whole conversation. We are sitting around a coffee table. None of us are more than three feet from each other. It struck me that what my daughter was doing was trying to explicitly track what her mom and I knew. I expect this falls somewhere under the theory-of-mind stage of development, but what stuck out to me was the procedure she undertook, which looked something like three loops: One loop with me, of establishing the fact and confirming the fact. A lateral loop to mom, of establishing that mom knows the fact and confirming that mom knows the fact. A lateral loop back to me, of establishing that I know that mom knows, and confirming that I know that mom knows. The looping strategy reminded me of Circle Games, and only after this did it occur to me that the object of the game was common knowledge. My child has been playing these kinds of games for a while now, on reflection; but recently they have grown in frequency and elaboration enough that I began to wonder why she seemed to be spending more time on what I instinctively treat as mundane details. The connection to common knowledge did not crystalize until this event. Thanks for listening. To help us out with The Nonlinear Library or to learn more, please visit nonlinear.org.

Will I play your music?  If it RESONATES with ME…YES!  Send high quality sound files to jrprell@mindspring.com.  Sound files NOT videos, NOT SoundCloud links…DOWNLOADABLE SOUND FILES, please and thank you.  Vinyl, CDs, Flash Drives to Jim Prell 990 Fulton Lane NE, Palm Bay, Florida 32905. The Music Authority LIVE STREAM Show & Podcast...listen, like, comment, download, share, repeat…heard daily on Podchaser, Deezer, Amazon Music, Audible, Listen Notes, Google Podcast Manager, Mixcloud, Player FM, Stitcher, Tune In, Podcast Addict, Cast Box, Radio Public, and Pocket Cast, and APPLE iTunes!  Follow the show on TWITTER JimPrell@TMusicAuthority!  Are you sharing the show? Are you listening? How does and can one listen in? Let me list the ways...*Listen LIVE here - https://fastcast4u.com/player/jamprell/ *Podcast - https://themusicauthority.transistor.fm/   The Music Authority LIVE STREAM Show & Podcast!  Special Recorded Network Shows, too!  Different than my daily show! *Radio Candy Radio Monday Wednesday, & Friday 7PM ET, 4PM PT*Rockin' The KOR Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 7PM UK time, 2PM ET, 11AM PT  www.koradio.rocks*Pop Radio UK Friday, Saturday, & Sunday 6PM UK, 1PM ET, 10AM PT!  February 7, 2022, Monday, hour three…@Toothmarks - Little White LiesMalchicks - 01 Head to HeadKai Danzberg with Lisa Mychols - The Day [Euphoria]Keith Slettedahl - 06 Give It Time You'll Be Fine [You Know You Know]The Explorers Club - Look To The Horizon (Goldstar Recordings)65MPH - Secret ValentineTiger Bomb- Baby Come OnChristopher Thomas - Luke And The LionThe Click Beetles- Alone [Pop Fossil] (Vandalay Records)Tommy Gunn Band & @Endangered Species - Carried AwayMick Byrd - 03 GoodNite ToNiteLouise Goffin - I Saw The Light [Someone Anyone]Spygenius - 12 Don't Blame It On Your Mother [Man On The Sea] (Big Stir Records)Matthew Holland & All The King's Men – LoveThe Pink Flamingos - Things I Never SaidThe Gunboat Diplomats - My ValentineBig Star – Thank You Friends

Seeds Seeds are like eggs. Hard outer shell with a proto-life form, armoured at its core. If the character traits for seeds were not realised in the manner that they are today, who knows what sort of genetic response the embryonic stage of plants would have evolved to protect itself. Either way… I'm stoked we have seeds as they are. Super interesting little spheres, oblongs, brain-resembling embossed geometries. They are all good in my book. In fact, in every book that recounts our horticultural histories, you can be sure that seeds were as much a part of the story as plants themselves. Of course, using the egg analogy in this instance draws upon the obvious question. “What came first, the seed or the plant?” Well, I argue it's too far back to know anyway. So I tend not to bother with finding out, for sure. But, a better question I ask myself is… how do I raise my own seeds and be regenerative in the practice of doing so? Well… … The first seed a carbon gardener may want to embrace is that of grass. A simple mixed-species box can be purchased at many garden centres. They're as cheap as chips and are easily spread recklessly across a patch of dirt. You - “Grass seeds!? Are you sure?” Me - “Yes.” I'm thinking about ground covers that want to be on-tha-grow, go, go, go, quick smart. Yes, you did just create all of this lovely soil, composted and complete with complex chains of nutrients and biodiversity you want to brag about. But, all of the grass you're about to grow wants to become soil again anyway. Ironically, you're only worried about it going to seed… The very thought of letting grass go to seed in a productive muti-stratified forest ecosystem may make some ppl implode, but if managed bio-intensively, a well-sized grass system can be the kickstart for your backyard bio-engine. Good bang for your buck too! Remember - Biomass is key in soil production. A heavy seeding of a mixed-grass crop will do 2 important things in your carbon garden. It will please the Genie who still pesters you about not having your soil covered… … annnnd it will create biomass for more soil production. This will happen relatively fast, too! ------- @mr.betteridge --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/solarpunkpermaculture/message

Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: You Only Live Twice, published by Eliezer Yudkowsky on the LessWrong. "It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead." -- The Princess Bride My co-blogger Robin and I may disagree on how fast an AI can improve itself, but we agree on an issue that seems much simpler to us than that: At the point where the current legal and medical system gives up on a patient, they aren't really dead. Robin has already said much of what needs saying, but a few more points: Ben Best's Cryonics FAQ, Alcor's FAQ, Alcor FAQ for scientists, Scientists' Open Letter on Cryonics I know more people who are planning to sign up for cryonics Real Soon Now than people who have actually signed up. I expect that more people have died while cryocrastinating than have actually been cryopreserved. If you've already decided this is a good idea, but you "haven't gotten around to it", sign up for cryonics NOW. I mean RIGHT NOW. Go to the website of Alcor or the Cryonics Institute and follow the instructions. Cryonics is usually funded through life insurance. The following conversation from an Overcoming Bias meetup is worth quoting: Him: I've been thinking about signing up for cryonics when I've got enough money. Me: Um... it doesn't take all that much money. Him: It doesn't? Me: Alcor is the high-priced high-quality organization, which is something like $500-$1000 in annual fees for the organization, I'm not sure how much. I'm young, so I'm signed up with the Cryonics Institute, which is $120/year for the membership. I pay $180/year for more insurance than I need - it'd be enough for Alcor too. Him: That's ridiculous. Me: Yes. Him: No, really, that's ridiculous. If that's true then my decision isn't just determined, it's overdetermined. Me: Yes. And there's around a thousand people worldwide [actually 1400] who are signed up for cryonics. Figure that at most a quarter of those did it for systematically rational reasons. That's a high upper bound on the number of people on Earth who can reliably reach the right conclusion on massively overdetermined issues. Cryonics is not marketed well - or at all, really. There's no salespeople who get commissions. There is no one to hold your hand through signing up, so you're going to have to get the papers signed and notarized yourself. The closest thing out there might be Rudi Hoffman, who sells life insurance with cryonics-friendly insurance providers (I went through him). If you want to securely erase a hard drive, it's not as easy as writing it over with zeroes. Sure, an "erased" hard drive like this won't boot up your computer if you just plug it in again. But if the drive falls into the hands of a specialist with a scanning tunneling microscope, they can tell the difference between "this was a 0, overwritten by a 0" and "this was a 1, overwritten by a 0". There are programs advertised to "securely erase" hard drives using many overwrites of 0s, 1s, and random data. But if you want to keep the secret on your hard drive secure against all possible future technologies that might ever be developed, then cover it with thermite and set it on fire. It's the only way to be sure. Pumping someone full of cryoprotectant and gradually lowering their temperature until they can be stored in liquid nitrogen is not a secure way to erase a person. See also the information-theoretic criterion of death. You don't have to buy what's usually called the "patternist" philosophy of identity, to sign up for cryonics. After reading all the information off the brain, you could put the "same atoms" back into their old places. "Same atoms" is in scare quotes because our current physics prohibits particles from possessing individual identities. It's a much stronger statement than "we can't tell the particles apart wi...

Fred Reichheld is the creator of the Net Promoter system of management, the founder of Bain & Company's Loyalty practice and the author of five books including The New York Times bestseller, The Ultimate Question 2.0. He is currently a Fellow and Senior Advisory Partner at Bain, where he has worked since 1977. Fred is a frequent speaker at major business forums and his work on customer loyalty has been widely covered in The Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Financial Times, Fortune, Businessweek and The Economist.   His upcoming article to be published in November marks his 15th contribution to the Harvard Business Review. In 2012, he became one of the original LinkedIn influencers, an invitation only group of corporate leaders and public figures who are thought leaders in their respective fields. In 2003, Consulting Magazine named Fred as one of the world's 25 Most Influential Consultants.   According to The New York Times, he put loyalty economics on the map. The Economist refers to him as the “high priest” of loyalty. Reichheld graduated with honors both from Harvard College (B.A., 1974) and Harvard Business School (M.B.A., 1978). He's based in Cape Cod and Miami.   Questions   Could you share a little bit about your own journey? How is it that you got to where you are today? Could you explain to us what the Net Promoter system is and how companies should really be using it to yield the best results? Could you share with us maybe two or three things that you believe are contributing drivers of loyalty? What are some things that companies should look at in trying to enrich the lives of your customers? Do they need to understand what type of customer they're serving and does the generation matter? Could you share with us what is Customer Capitalism exactly? And how does that impact the consumer? Could you share with us what's the one online resource, tool, website or app that you absolutely cannot live without in your business? Could you also share with us maybe one or two books that have had the biggest impact on you? Could you share with us what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about? It could be something that you're working on to develop yourself or your people. Where can our listeners find you online? Do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge, you'll tend to revert to this quote, it kind of helps to keep you on track, or at least get you back on track if for any reason you get derailed. Do you have one of those?   Highlights   Fred's Journey   Fred shared that early in his career at Bain & Company, he noticed companies similar to us all, some brand new, some quite mature, but they were all outperforming all of the things he learned at the Harvard. Some were crushing it and a good example was enterprise Rent-A-Car, who started out as a tiny little rental leasing agency in St. Louis, and has grown now to become the largest car rental company on Earth without ever having to tap public equity markets, it's still a private company. And you think, Gosh, what I learned at Harvard was a capital intensive business, low growth industry, low margins, there's no way that you could grow on internally generated cash.   So, when he went to meet with Andy Taylor, their CEO, he said, “Fred, there's no secret, there's only one way to grow a successful business sustainably.” And so, he was listening for this great secret. And he said, “You treat your customers so they come back for more and bring their friends.”   And that basic idea changed his world because that's what he now understands is the key to success. If your customers are coming back for more and bringing their friends, your economic flywheel will crush the competition.   What is the Net Promoter System and How Companies Can Use it to Yield the Best Results   Me: Amazing. So I had an opportunity to get an advanced copy of your book Winning on Purpose: The Unbeatable Strategy of Loving Customer. I really, really love it. I haven't finished reading it as yet, but I've gotten quite far in it. And so, I just wanted you to share with us.   Fred, in the book, especially in the preface and the foreword, you kind of mentioned that you have this net promoter system, but people are not actually using it the way how you created it to be used. Could you explain to us what the Net Promoter system is and how companies should really be using it to yield the best results?   Fred shared that he's long been troubled by the fact that financial accounting is how we run our businesses. And while financial accounting is very good at telling us when we've extracted a million dollars from our customers wallets, it does nothing in helping us understand when we've enriched a million customers lives or when our teams have done work that's meaningful and toward an important purpose.   And Net Promoter was his attempt at helping companies measure that important idea of all the lives you touch, how many are enriched? How many diminished? And that evolved into Net Promoter Score is based on one question, how likely you'd recommend us to a friend, 0 through 10.   And it turns out that when someone gives you a 9, and especially a 10, you've enriched their life, you've lived up to the golden rule of loving your neighbor.   And 0 through 6, you failed, you diminish their life. And so, this notion of Net Promoter Score is just keeping track of all the lives touched, how many enriched, how many diminished, and how many promoters, how many detractors, it's very practical for running a business because your promoters are your assets, who come back for more and bring their friends. But also, it's a little bit inspirational because putting your teams to work, and enriching lives and measuring that outcome and helping them learn how to do better, that's really helping them live the right kind of life.   The Contributing Drivers of Loyalty   Me: So, at the end of the day, we're all trying to build better relationships with our customers. Now, in your book, you also said that loyalty means investing time and resources in relationships.   Do you know maybe could you share with us maybe based on your experience and your research, you've definitely been in the thing way longer than I have; maybe two or three drivers that you think contribute to loyalty.   And this is loyalty in general, which I'm sure impacts business relationships, because I mean, loyalty is something that as human beings, we do link it to a person. For example, if you have an animal, your dog is loyal to you as the owner, in a relationship; you're loyal to the other person that you're in the relationship with, whether it's a personal or professional relationship. So could you share with us maybe two or three things that you believe are contributing drivers of loyalty?   Fred shared that he thinks it's quite poorly understood in this day and age when people are demanding loyalty and trying to get loyalty through gimmicks and marketing, so called loyalty programs. So, he thinks it does make sense to get back to basics.   He thinks loyalty is an investment from you and another person in a relationship. And you think, “Why would I invest in someone else?” Well, it's because they stand for what you believe in you.   You believe that they'll reciprocate and treat you reasonably and not abuse your trust and that you're in a position to actually do something to make their life better. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time.   A lot of people think about loyalty as, “Oh, I want them to be loyal to me.” He thinks the way to start is, “How can I invest in this relationship and love them, make their lives better?”   And that's what great companies' do, that's what great leaders do, they inspire their troops to find ways to enrich the lives of customers sustainably, of course, profitably. But the whole goal in a business is making your customers lives better. Because when you do that, you're investing in the right relationships, they come back for more, they bring their friends, they say great things about you, they become your public relations force, that's how great business works.   And he thinks we get drawn off center a little bit because the larger our company is, the more it's run through financial mindset. It's our accounting numbers that we seem to view as the framework of success, when in fact, no, it's this golden rule ideas, it's love thy neighbor as thyself. And when you do it, you'll see the results because when customers feel the love, they are loyal and that's at the core of loyalty, it's earning loyalty by enriching customers lives. And loyalty from employees, by putting them in a position to earn lives of meaning and purpose, by enriching the lives of customers that they touch.   Me: I like the fact that you mentioned that it's not just about loyalty in terms of you getting the person to be loyal to you, but it has to be earned and it's not something that can be bought. So I'm glad that you mentioned at the beginning that a lot of these loyalty programs and marketing initiatives that organizations have that they dub as loyalty programs are not actually programs that will make or even influence your customers to be loyal to you. So it's good that you identified for us that loyalty is something that is earned.   What Companies Should Look for to Enrich the Lives of Customers   Me: Now, in terms of showing your customers or enriching their lives regardless of the industry that you're in, whether you're a financial company, you sell insurance or you have credit cards, or you're a retail company, what are some things that companies should look at in trying to enrich the lives of your customers? Do they need to understand what type of customer they're serving and does the generation matter?   Fred shared that of course it does. And yet, he finds that the most successful businesses, whether dealing with teenagers today or octogenarians, it's understanding how to communicate effectively, how to always act in your customers best interest, to listen very carefully to how you're doing and what they need. Because at the core, a business is trying to solve the customer's problem, it's trying to turn a frown, into a smile, and the human process of understanding that, he doesn't think that's changed in thousands and thousands of years. Of course, the technologies we use, the innovative approaches, those open up wonderful new opportunities, but the basics, they haven't changed.   One of his colleagues at Bain, they joined about the same year, Scott Cook, who's the founder of Intuit, who has built TurboTax, and other very successful business, huge, huge success.   And he said, “Fred, you want a big business, solve a big problem for your customers.” And that's the right way to think about it, “I am going to be a reliable resource that is going to make a real difference in your life by turning that frown into a smile, and I'm going to measure my success that way.”   Obviously, profits are necessary but those who think of profits as the true objective, they're not going to grow a very big business very long because that's very selfish, “How much money can I extract from your wallet, get away from me, I'm not going to tell you anything about myself for what I need.” If he has someone who actually acts in a loving, caring way, they're a mutually beneficial relationship affair. But that's the kind of person he's willing to actually share his information with and give constructive feedback to because he wants them to succeed, he wants them to succeed in helping him solve problems.   What is Customer Capitalism and How it Impacts the Consumer?   Me: So, while I was reading part of your book as well, I bucked up on a term, Customer Capitalism. Could you share with us what is that exactly? And how does that impact the consumer?   Fred shared that he thinks people have a framework in their heads about capitalism that's just dead wrong, that maximize shareholder value as the underlying concept. Through the years, whether it's Milton Friedman, or Adam Smith, there's an ancient and an out of date framework that people call capitalism, that without giving it this name, it's financial capitalism, because it's based on this idea of profits and shareholder and investor is the king. He thinks that has changed over the last few decades, at least, to where now, there's so much capital in the world; you can raise millions and millions if you have a good idea.   What there's not infinite amounts of are good people with good ideas who are willing to work together in a team framework to serve others.   And the real capital in that system, our customers, all the cash flow comes out of customers' wallets.   So let's keep track of how many customers you have, how many are coming back for more, how many referrals you're getting, that was the basic, those are the keystone metrics in customer capitalism.   And more than anything, it's being clear about the purpose. If the purpose in the old school capitalism was maximizing profits and shareholder value, in customer capitalism, the purpose is to enrich the lives of your customers.   Bain did a survey of a couple 100 Senior Executives around the world, C suite executives and they found that only 10% believe that the primary purpose their business existed was to make customers lives better. They thought it was about profits or great place to work or balance duties to shareholders, stakeholders. He just thinks that is dead wrong. A good business, a sustainable business has to have a primary purpose of making their customers lives better.   Me: Amazing. One of the companies that you mentioned in your book when I was reading was Chick-fil-A and I absolutely love Chick-fil-A, both me and my daughter. But one of the things that I really love about Chick-fil-A was the fact that I remember I traveled a few years ago and my daughter wanted to get something from them on a Sunday and they're actually closed on Sundays and I thought that was awesome, from what I read that was a principle that their organization had and they've lived it up to this day and they've still been very successful even though they're closed on a day when they could be making more profit, as you mentioned.   Fred stated that the purpose of Chick-fil-A is certainly to enrich the lives that it touches. It's interesting, the founder, Truett Cathy was one of his early teachers in his business career, and they're totally different people. He's a Southern, he was a Southern Baptist, very, very conservative point of view. He (Fred) lives up in New England, Unitarian Universalist, you couldn't be more liberal in your religious thinking. And yet they had enormous overlap at the core, he picked a proverb from the Bible, that essentially, it says, “A good name is worth more than silver or gold.” Or in other words, your reputation is everything, which he thinks is so true.   And this notion of net lives enrich and Net Promoter Score, you think about when you enrich a life, you're living up to the golden rule, you're loving a neighbor, when you diminish your life, you're failing.   And so, the reason Chick-fil-A has been very interested and supportive of Net Promoter is because we're trying to achieve the same mission, this is back to Truett Cathy's words, he was inspired to turn frowns into smiles on his customers' faces and that is the purpose of the business.   So, then you mentioned Sunday, he asked him why he closed on Sundays and he said, “It's not a religious thing, Fred.” He's a very religious guy but he's not preachy, their business does not put biblical quotes at the bottom of their cups, and they're not proselytizing in the parking lot. They try to be models; they try to help their people live up to this standard of loving your neighbor. And closing on Sundays, he just knew that you could not run a restaurant and have the manager there 7 days a week, you'll kill yourself. And he said, “Given that, and I definitely want my store operator there running the place not delegating to an assistant.” He said, “We have to close a day and closing Sundays gives this signal that we care about our people, and we care about golden rule.”   As he said, “But you know, Fred, I go to other restaurants on Sunday, it's not like it's wrong to go out and eat at a restaurant on Sunday. It's just wrong for us to try and have our managers running a business 7 days a week.” And he thinks it's brilliant. And it is a signal. He thinks it reminds people that they're different. And you're right, their productivity, they have far higher sales per unit than any of the competitors. And those competitors are open 7 days a week. And it shows you when you get the purpose right; your business can crush the competition.   App, Website or Tool that Fred Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business   When asked about online resource that he cannot live without in his business, Fred shared that it's a new one for him, he discovered a company through one of his Bain partners, it's called BILT. The reason they were intriguing to him was their goal is to help their customers, their customers tend to be consumer brands, like Weber, who makes grills and place at manufacturers and so on. They try to help them build promoters among their customers, to create more promoters.   And what they've done is just taken one of the most painful steps in every customer's journey episode, which is assembly and first use, using paper instructions, which these paper instructions are horrible, let's be serious, they're written by engineers whose English is certainly their second language and they're just totally unintuitive.   So, BILT takes the 3D CAD drawing from the manufacturer, and then turns it into great little 3D instructions on how to assemble and use your product effectively and it's free to the consumer. So you go to a Home Depot or Costco and you'll start to see BILT on the packaging, and you know that you're going to get that home and you'll be able to put this thing together quickly and you'll feel great about yourself or Home Depot will have their faucets or ceiling fans, things that are really tricky to install, or garage door openers, and you go to BILT and you put the product in it and it downloads up to date information about how to put it together in a very intuitive way where you can zoom in and pinch out and rotate upside down and voice activated to help you guide you through your journey, it's just brilliant.   Me: Nice, very good. They obviously saw a need in the market, as you said, a problem that people were having challenges with and complaining about and created a product that would be applicable to make people's lives easier.   Fred stated that try ordering a bicycle online, you get it back to your driveway and then you try to put it together using paper instructions and he thinks you'll see why BILT is so successful.   Me: Yes, I can just imagine and my coordination of doing things like that are extremely poor, so I'm sure I'd benefit from using BILT.   Books That Have Had the Greatest Impact on Fred   Me: Could you also share with us maybe one or two books that have had the biggest impact on you? I'm sure you have many because you've been around for quite some time and I'm sure you've had to read and engage with a lot of authors over the years that have definitely helped enrich your life and the lives of others. But is there maybe one or two that have definitely had a great impact on you over the years, maybe something you read a long time ago, or even something you read recently?   When asked about books that have had biggest impact, Fred shared that he read a lot of books. Actually, he listens to them now; his eyes are so strained from working at his computer and writing a book, he can't read in a relaxed way so he listens to Audible. Probably the most impactful book in the last 10 years was written by a guy who passed away, Clayton Christensen was a business school professor, who he got to know, he worked briefly at Bain and then worked at an entrepreneurial thing and ended up at Harvard.   He wrote a book called How Will You Measure Your Life? And he (Fred) thinks he's just absolutely right. And the reason that helped him is, he thinks you do need to measure a life carefully, that's what a Net Promoter Score is, of all the lives he touched, how many enriched, how many diminished?   That's how you measure a life. And he thinks Clayton put this in very human terms, and thinking about that, not just in a business sense, but all of your relationships in life, how do you think about investing in those relationships and being loving and loyal in a way that's not just correct in your mind, but you know the other party felt the love, you have to get feedback on how you enrich their life. So, How Will You Measure Your Life is a big one.   There's a recent book by Adam Grant called Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know, that he thinks is quite good. Adam is a guy that they must think along the same lines, because it was an earlier book that he wrote about it's called Give and Take. And he just makes the case that the world is full of people; there are some people who are givers, there are people who are matchers, they want a relationship to be in balance and then there are takers. And he said, one of the keys to life is avoid those takers, they're sociopaths, you can try and change them, but good luck.   And he thinks this is important and living a golden rule existence. Not all people want to be part of a community where people are treated with love and care, they'll abuse that community and he thinks if they can't be fixed, they have to be excluded. And then Think Again, Grant just says, we have these mindsets that are fixed, and he thinks of financial capitalism as a fixed mindset for 90% of the world and he needs to change the way people think about the purpose of business and how to enrich a life.    What Fred is Really Excited About Now!   Fred shared that he got the paperback galley of Winning on Purpose just a week ago and he can't take it off on his desk, but very pleased with the way it's come out. And that's going to be every day of his life for the next probably 90 days is how to get people to see the relevance of this book to their personal lives, not just their business lives because the subtitle of Winning on Purpose is “The Unbeatable Strategy of Loving Customers.” And loving customers, it doesn't sound like it's a business book, he doesn't know what it sounds, just a little flaky but it's not because this notion of loving thy neighbor as thyself is the core, it's the highest standard in human affairs. And what he's arguing and Winning on Purpose is that, that is how you win.   When you enrich lives, you have to do it sustainably, and you have to do it profitably, but that's not the magic, accountants can do the profits for you. The magic is figuring out how using your energy and ingenuity to love your customers and have them come to trust you and come back for more and bring their friends but it goes so far beyond business.   So, the great challenge he's got is getting people to recognize, he wrote this book for his granddaughters, infants who he wants them to see how you live the right life. And it sets out a way of measuring progress that he thinks is consistent with what Truett Cathy had in mind of building a reputation that you'll be proud of, and investing in relationships where you can earn people's loyalty.   It's probably a good rule of thumb anywhere to just don't spend time with a person unless you can figure out a way to make their life better. And by the way, the good news, chapter two and five of the book, demonstrate that companies that do this, they're the ones that get rich.   It's not clear from reading the Wall Street Journal, but every company, every industry, where they look at the Net Promoter Score, versus the competition, measured carefully, correctly, not just some self reported vanity metric, but real apples to apples.   It's the company with the highest Net Promoter Score who is growing faster and delivering better total shareholder value. And that's really good news.   But people are the mindset is fixed, they just don't get it. They say, “Oh, that's just some industries.” No, every time they're finding it, how did Andy Taylor grow to be the biggest car rental company on earth? How did Apple become one of the biggest companies on earth? Because they built a set of customers who are Promoters who are out there buying more stuff, and referring their friends and giving good feedback because they trust you, and making your employees feel special and loved, that's the flywheel that's going on. So, he's trying to convince the world that business works in a very different way than they probably learned in business school, or if they read the Wall Street Journal and The Economist.   Me: And you know, one of the things that kind of came in my head just now when you're speaking in terms of what we were taught in school versus what is reality, the reality is, a business isn't a static thing, it's made up of people and without people in the business, there is no business and people are human beings with feelings and emotions. And you get more out of people when they feel loved, when they feel listened to, when they feel heard, as you said, when you enrich their lives. So, if you really do live that principle, I'm sure you'll win in all aspects of your life.   Fred shared that he's worked at Bain & Company since 1977. So what is that 43 going on 44 years now. And they've been through good and bad times. For the last 10 or 20 years, it's been good times. If you look on Glassdoor, the place that rates businesses as great places to work, Bain, this year, it's the best in the world according to Glassdoor, it's always been one of the top several since Glassdoor started. And Bain hires lots of different kinds of people. But these are really ambitious, talented people. And even with that slice of ambitious people, when you look at what makes a person happy at work at Bain, they want to feel loved; they want to feel like they're a valued member of a team that wins with its customers. So it's an act of service and if you ask, remember he said the typical business person in the world, 10% of them think the reason their business exists is to enrich customer lives, at Bain, if you just ask everybody through the company, you find 60% to 70% of the people think the reason Bain exists is to make their clients more successful.   It's a servant culture where love is at the core, helping people succeed and putting smiles on faces and that's what makes it a great place to work.   And the irony is, he knows what makes, at least he thinks he knows what makes Bain a great place to work, it's that they are dedicated to helping their teams make a difference in their clients success, and be recognized and rewarded and part of a team that helps achieve that.   And it's financially successful but that's not the purpose, the purpose is making their customers lives better. And he thinks most great places to work lists, completely ignore that. They think it's refrigerators full of beer in the break room, pool tables and ping pong and cool fringe benefits, that's the fringe, the core is being on a team where you're playing a valued role at really making a difference in a customer's life.   Where Can We Find Fred Online   Website - https://www.netpromotersystem.com/ LinkedIn – Fred Reichheld   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Fred Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Fred shared that he wished he did. When he's preaching to whether it's at the dinner table or elsewhere, he goes back to this idea of how important loyalty is. You got to understand what your life stands for, what is your purpose as an individual and then the way you live that purpose is to invest in relationships with other people who share that purpose. And it's how you can invest and help those people succeed that he thinks helps you achieve your mission. So, “Choose your loyalties wisely, they guide your life and they define your legacy.”   Me: Love it, choose your loyalties wisely, they guide your life and define your legacy. Amazing. Love it, absolutely love it. And I'm sure every person on the face of this earth that wants to do good, wants to leave a good legacy behind. So the only way to do that, I believe, as you had said was to try and live by doing those actions on a daily basis, do it consistently because that's the only way when you leave this world you'll be able to leave that legacy.   Fred stated that and measure, so many people would say, “Oh, I can't measure love.” And he would say, actually you can, you can get feedback from your customers in a systematic Net Promoter framework and understand how many lives you've enriched and that is your legacy. And then you should be measuring your way toward the kind of life you want to lead.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners   Links   The Ultimate Question 2.0 (Revised and Expanded Edition): How Net Promoter Companies Thrive in a Customer-Driven World by Fred Reichheld Winning on Purpose: The Unbeatable Strategy of Loving Customers by Fred Reichheld How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton Christensen Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know by Adam Grant   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

Two things that scare us are corpses and ghosts. Peter Kreeft wrote about this, noting that these scare us because they are separated things that belong together. When apart, dead bodies revolt our senses and spirits terrorize our minds. Horror movie plots depend upon our disturbance at this separation of body and soul, or if not total separation, then the disordering or the dismemberment of bodies and souls. Without the soul the body is not animated, and without the body the soul is as invisible as a passing breeze.Now, I am not a trained philosopher, but it seems fairly straight forward that if God doesn't exist, then our soul fades away with him, and along with those things, so goes our free will. Worse still, in a godless universe where we are happenstances of chemistry, the “do unto others” notion begins to unglue. Things we hold in our minds fall apart quickly once the soul is denied. The soul is like a binding agent, like an egg in a recipe, that keeps the flour of matter held together. Remove either part of the recipe and the whole cookie crumbles.This presented a real problem for me, as the idea of the Golden Rule clung to me even after falling away from faith. The concept of “do unto others” is found in various religions and cultures throughout history. However, the further step of “love your enemy” is unique to only a few. Jesus was quoting the Old Testament in his two commandments to “love God” and “do unto others.” He did not invent it himself, he was quoting Moses and Proverbs, but taking it even further into forgiveness. To make the point stick, he claimed to be God, the actual one and only God, the living God, and then he lived out this practice of loving his enemies, all the way to his final breath on the Cross.This is the trouble with Jesus.He raised the bet so high that even if other books of wisdom say, “love your enemy,” none of them declare that the speaker or author of the phrase was God himself. This claim that he makes cannot be understated. He says he is God in the flesh. Imagine hearing someone say that to you. What is most unbelievable to me is that I believe him when he says it.More strange still is the fact that even non-believers quote and paraphrase Jesus, when they should be rejecting him entirely as a liar. Many atheists are obsessed with Jesus, but only to disprove him or mock him. Yet they can't look away. They can't stop talking about Jesus. The trouble here is that what he says is insane to us, but then he doesn't act insane. Instead everything he says and does becomes convincing that he is not lying, which is why we cannot stop reading and arguing about him, and naturally, those who deny him wind up hating his followers. Oddly enough, Jesus predicted all of this, telling his followers that they would be hated. Wow, was he right about that.If Jesus is not God, then what else would Jesus be but an arrogant and insane person? That's why the response from deniers comes like a hammer. If you don't see the God in Jesus, then the response could only be anger. Really, who could possibly be taken serious saying, “I forgive your sins,” unless the person saying it was God? Who could possibly have the nerve to speak it, and expect to be believed, save God himself?The Thomas Jefferson Bible is an attempt to circumvent this problem of Jesus' divinity, but Jefferson missed the point from the start. Jesus is not only instructing us about God. He is very clearly telling us that he is God. Jefferson cut out all miracles and supernatural events of his Bible, keeping just the teachings of Jesus. As a Deist, Jefferson believed in God, but not in the divinity of Jesus. But why would anyone, let alone the wise Jefferson, keep the teachings of an ordinary flesh-and-bone person that claimed to be God but was lying about it? If Jesus is not God, why would anyone care what he said about anything, on any topic?When I was a non-believer, I thought Thomas Jefferson was onto something, but at some point in my struggle with faith in the Resurrection I realized that if the miracles are not true, then Jesus is not God, and that would make the teachings a complete waste of time. Buddhism has great teachings, so you can get that there. Stoicism has all the morals and self-denial you'll ever need, and a ton of great sayings to use in place of prayer. Greek mythology has more characters and better drama. We don't need or want an “ethical teacher” who says he is God, unless he actually is God. If he is truly the incarnate God, then yes, we want that. We want that very much. More than anything in the world. There are plenty of people in history who have believed they are God. But we don't believe any of those people. We only believe this one carpenter who made the claim.If the miracles and Resurrection did not happen, then Jesus is a fraud. But if the miracles are true, then the teachings matter. No, it's more than that. Then everything he ever said or did matters immensely. Quite honestly I would rather Jefferson had carved a version of the Gospels that kept the miracles instead of the teachings, because while the teachings are wonderful, the Resurrection is why a billion people occupy pews every week. They do not get dressed up for church on Sunday morning because he told the parable of the talents or upbraided some Pharisees about the meaning of the law. The Resurrection is everything. The teachings interpret the rules we are the live by, but they do not provide the reason for belief. The reason for belief is the miracle, not the parables. I don't like rules. But I love the miracle. Thus, I love the parables, too. If the Resurrection didn't happen, then those rules don't matter. But the more I read the Gospels the more I realize that I can not help but see that Jesus is God. There is just no other way around it. I cannot read it any other way.So as a result, if you see that Jesus is the incarnate God, his “do unto others” and “pray for your enemies” become real commands. You don't have martyrs of other faiths praying for their enemies while being tortured and killed, as Jesus did when he cried out, “Forgive them for they know not what they do." Then you have the many saints doing the same thing, like St. Stephen or St. Maria Goretti or Good King Wenceslaus. For a believer the right answer to every situation is to imitate Jesus, but this proves very difficult. This is like reading fan fiction, where the imitator never lives up to the original writer.Sure, praying for your enemies sounds good on paper, but that idea is not natural to us. Love my enemy sounds reasonable when I am comfortable and full and warm. Most of us live in greater comfort than any king who existed before the inventions of refrigeration or indoor plumbing. In a stable society, with well-fed people, in warm houses, and plenty of jobs, then, yes, “love your enemy” seems entirely possible. But many people today can feel how tenuous and fragile this order of our modern society actually is and no prophet is needed to announce that we are likely occupying a temporary state in human history.This problem of being only a creature, only chemistry, is troubling, or should be troubling to us all. If we have intellect but no real free will, with no goal save that of our next meal or personal achievement, hope and charity sink like stones. If we lack souls, then we are solely creatures, and creatures forget “do unto others” when resources grow scarce. When it comes time to eat, a wolf does not think of the good of the pack until its own belly is full, nor does a blade of grass consider its neighbor when searching for water in a drought. Plants and animals do not divest of their resources or pray for their enemies, they merely strive for self-preservation and reproduction. These ideas would sometimes corner me when the “noonday demon” of depression would arrive unannounced, at any hour, not only noon. Then, as a creature, I had few places to turn, but none of those places could really help.Yes, there are pills and therapy, but I could not cry out, "Help me, science!" to answer the deepest longing of my heart, which was never fully satisfied with what this finite world can offer. I could read about Cognitive Behavioral therapy, but that was an arrow still aimed at the self. Mindfulness was another self-buttressing solution, and was a bit warmer to the problem but still faced earthward. Then there was talking to someone, but the talk would give guidance toward lifestyle changes, yoga, hobbies, and offer pamphlets and especially pills. Psychiatry since the time of Sigmund Freud has loathed faith so a nudge never came from there. After making all the lifestyle changes and trying all the suggestions, it always seemed that pills was the actual answer.Doctor: Any tobacco or alcohol or drug use?Me: None.Doctor: So you have a healthy diet and exercise regularly?Me: Yes. Except for daily breakfast cereal with 9 grams of added sugar per serving.Doctor: What about yoga?Me: Yes. I've done that.Doctor: How is your job and family relationships?Me: All very stable.Doctor: And you have hobbies and friends.Me: Yes.Doctor: What about financial difficulties?Me: I have a good job.Doctor: Are you overstressed?Me: Only when I drink too much coffee.Doctor: And you've read those pamphlets I gave you?Me: Yes, and many other books.Doctor: (pensive, coming to the end of his WebMD list of suggestions) Have you tried prayer?I'm kidding. Of course the last comment didn't happen. No, here is what the last comment was:Doctor: (pensive, coming to the end of his WebMD list of suggestions) Well, I guess we can increase your dosage. How many milligrams are you taking? I'll write a new prescription for you.Always pills. Always pills. Hooray for pills! I felt like the scene in the movie Dumb and Dumber where Jim Carrey is stuffing rat poison pills into a man's mouth and telling him, “Pills are good. Pills are good.”Science, that trusty tool to fix all the things, could offer facts and instruct me about neurotransmitters and receptors and synaptic clefts. Better yet, science could do some magic with those pills that seemed to provide a solution. But in the end I realized that pills did not resolve the problem any more than getting high or drunk ever solved a problem. Taking pills to address spiritual problems is like taking Advil to heal a compound bone fracture. It's the wrong treatment.So science wasn't the solution.Nor could I say, “Help me, self!” when the well inside was already dry. The cistern was cracked, my tank was empty, so I could not draw up the strength needed to restore myself, as my self lacked the necessary mortar to seal the drain. In fact, my self was the problem, so I only could pretend for a while to “suck it up” or “man up.” As an employee of large corporations, I was very good at keeping up the adage “Fake it until you make it,” as that is the lifeblood of office culture. But faking takes a toll. At some point, unless you are especially gifted with the twin pillars of pride and vanity, faking it becomes hard to maintain. Along with drinking issues, this is another stop in life where I discovered the flaw in willpower, as the self has its limits. Both science and willpower eventually run into finite walls. What a surprise then when I discovered that the Holy Spirit not only seals the cistern, but it fills it too, and as a bonus it can pass through those finite walls.No knowledge or possessions or status or science or self-assurance could help me with the underlying questions. “If you're felling depressed,” I was told, “it's because there is a chemical imbalance in your brain that requires medication.” Whenever I heard this I could not help but think of Brave New World and the drug called soma, where the characters would take this wonder drug to bury any uncomfortable feelings or questions about their life and the universe. The narrator even says “…that second dose of soma had raised a quite impenetrable wall between the actual universe and their minds.” In fact, various lines from the book says it all. Soma had “All the advantages of Christianity and alcohol; none of their defects.”What I heard from my fellow atheist friends and my doctor was what Huxley's sex-obsessed character Lenina says in the book when Bernard is feeling blue:“…why you don't take soma when you have these dreadful ideas of yours. You'd forget all about them. And instead of feeling miserable, you'd be jolly. So jolly.”So I did. Or I tried to be jolly. I pretended for periods of time to have conquered the problem, but it never truly disappeared. I tried to answer the yearning, to fill the void with sand, to pulverize it, to medicate it, to cure it with therapy, to use mindfulness, and to ignore it through chasing goals. But science and my personal autonomy proved inadequate in fastening any kind of lasting meaning to existence. Science did not satisfy the heart, nor did my own attempts at sculpting truth suffice.Science feeds our need for certainty, for actual answers, and science is excellent for finding truth in certain spaces. I should qualify that; the hard sciences are reliable at finding truth through measurement and experiment. There are various other “sciences” that do not share the same rigor as chemistry and biology and physics, but even these three fields are beginning to have bleed-through from non-scientific political and social ideologies. Yet, even solid science cannot get us all the way to the goal, to the full “why.” The “whys” I am speaking of are all simple sentences: the why of existence, of being, of knowledge, of gravity, of time, of beginnings, of endings, of justice, of truth, of goodness, of beauty, of righteousness, of suffering, of forgiveness, of redemption.The real questions were these subtle “whys.” Like shadows behind a wall, the shapes were papered over, kept in hiding by small talk and distractions. We could all see the shapes but we avoided talking about them. Instead we talked about these things: “Have you seen the ?” “Did you watch the game yesterday?” “Can you believe what President said?” “Have you seen the new ?”Those were not the questions I cared about. The main question underneath, that I was seeking, is encapsulated in this quote:"Man will always yearn to know, at least in an obscure way, what is the meaning of his life, of his activity, of his death." (Gaudium et Spes, 41)I would go to great lengths to find answers to these questions via ideology in a book or through the lens of my self and my experience. But sooner or later, a little tug would come back to me. As it always does, I'd feel the tug, like the nibble of a fish biting a hook.This electric feeling of “the tug” was like that which comes through a fishing pole, when the tug of something on the hook alerts the mind, while simultaneously quickening the heart. Anyone who has gone fishing and had the luck of getting a nibble, or better yet, catching a fish, knows this feeling. The tug of the fish brings full awareness. You become awake to what is happening in the water, where you cannot see, but you know full well something is there because you can feel it. We only have our senses to know anything, but this kind of tug that I'm talking about goes past our usual senses into something deeper, to a sense in the heart that cannot be quantified, captured, or tested like other things.Old ideas would come into motion. Something would hint to me that there is more than just work and paying bills or having sex or drinking beer. But I would shut those thoughts down because I did not want to open those archives. I was worried that what I had denied might be true. That was the real fear. I believed that I had control and that God was not real. But then on occasion the tug became a strike, a direct bite. A fight. Suddenly then I'd be wrestling with the question: what if it is true? What if I am not the creator of my destiny? What if there is something more to life? For anyone who knows what I'm talking about - this feeling of a tug - if you doubt or deny God, you will probably ignore that tug, like I did, and continue onward. No shortage of TV series and movies and hilarious cat videos await, so you can carry on for years with staring into screens. But sooner or later in life you may not want to ignore it. You may not be able to ignore it forever as some event will force the issue. The beauty of free will is the choices we get to make. The path we are being guided to walk is to ignore the tug. That's what we are being told by every part of society: TikTok advertisement: “You are the good thing.” Christina Aguilera: “You're beautiful, in every single way.” L'Oréal Paris: “Because you're worth it.” Nike: “Just do it.” Harley Davidson: “American by birth. Rebel by choice.” Reebok: “Cheat on your girlfriend, not your workout.”I guess the slogan, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner,” will just never do well in sales. Memento Mori sounds better as a slogan, but the translation, “Remember one day you will die,” also probably won't sell widgets. “Take up your cross and follow me” will probably not be a Bud Light Super Bowl ad any time soon. Well, I guess these slogans aren't for the short term. In the long run, however, as in eternity, these slogans work wonders.How funny it is to me that I refused to take orders from anyone, but all the while I was being told, guided, instructed what to do by advertisers and businesses and governments and influential people. As the doctor guided me toward pharmaceuticals, the political parties and ad agencies and sports leagues and social media were going to great lengths to keep me distracted from addressing the tug, from calling on the aching question that was raising its hand. While the world was selling me on freedom and autonomy, they were telling me what to do every step of the way. They were telling me, “Don't be a fool. Don't look into it. Whatever you do, do not ask the hard questions.”But the tug was summoning me to something bigger, to this much greater question, far bigger than what Apple product to buy or Netflix show to watch. And I didn't want anything like God to be true. I did not want it to be valid. Because then someday I would have to revisit those rules, those old bronze age edicts that I felt so unfair, so out of touch with our modern world, and that bothered my sense of freedom because they said “No” to my behavior. I didn't want to be challenged. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.whydidpetersink.com

Jonathan de Potter is the founder and CEO of Behold Retreats, and advocates for self-improvement and elevating consciousness as the most meaningful way to better the world.   Jonathan's priority is to raise education and awareness about plant medicines like Ayahuasca and Psilocybin, and guide others to maximize the potential benefits - ultimately leading him to launch Behold Retreats.   Questions   Could you share with us a little bit about what your company does, Behold Retreats and just a little bit about your journey? How is it that you got to where you are today? What were some of the things that may be catalyst that led you into the path that you're currently on? Plants in our introduction, Ayahuasca and Psilocybin, I'm sure like our listeners, I have no clue what it does and how it impacts your life. So could you just enlighten us on those two? So as you know, this podcast is all about navigating your customers experience. So I would love to tie this into how is it that this particular approach or strategy in terms of integrating plant medicine into your life will allow individuals to improve on their customer experience? Could you maybe share one, two or three things that you've seen? Do you work with corporate entities; do you mostly work with individuals? How does this really tap back into the primary reason of our work show? Maybe could you share with us maybe one or two things that from this type of strategy and approach on an individual level, the person was able to manifest better things in their lives, not just remove barriers, but there were results that were on a higher level, maybe with their business, whether it was a one man shop, or they were a manager in a business, or maybe even enhance the quality of their family, maybe they had better relationships or just to see what are some of the results that an individual can really supremely achieve if they really commit to this process? Could you share with us maybe one or two books that have had the biggest impact on you? It could be a book that you read recently, or a book that you've read a very long time ago, but it still has had a great impact on? Could you share with us maybe one thing that's going on in your life right now, something that you're really excited about - it could be something that you're working on to develop yourself or your people. Where can listeners find you online? Do you have a quote or saying that during times of adversity or challenge you'll tend to revert to this quote? It kind of helps to refocus you or get you back on track if for whatever reason you get derailed. Do you have one of those?   Highlights   Jonathan's Journey   Jonathan shared that it all started for him personally, about 5 years ago, when he was living in Hong Kong. He was working as a Strategy and Management Consultant for Accenture, one of the big, big giant consulting firms, there 5 years in Hong Kong and he was working really long hours, usually about 12 to 16 hours a day and chasing big deals and chasing new clients and he was on a bit of a treadmill, and chasing the next promotion. And after about 5 years of that, he thought to himself, there must be more to life and he was an atheist at the time, and didn't really believe in anything spiritual. And so, he decided to take a year off and as part of that year, he travelled through South America and wound his way to a Ayahuasca retreat with two friends of his in Peru. And fundamentally, that just opened the door to spirituality, taught him so many humbling lessons and over the past 5 years he kind of been learning about plant medicine and preparing for launching Behold Retreats, which is really focused on guiding people towards really high quality, psychedelic or plant medicine experiences, so that they can really get the most out of them and improve the quality of everyday life.   What is Ayahuasca and Psilocybin and the Impacts They Have?   Me: So I pronounced two mouthful of plants in our introduction, Ayahuasca and Psilocybin, could you share with us, I'm sure like our listeners, I have no clue what I just said and what it does, and how it impacts your life. So could you just enlighten us on those two?   Jonathan shared that Ayahuasca is a combination of two plants that are often found in Central and South America and brought together they combine in a powerful Ayahuasca brew that is very highly hallucinogenic.   And it can facilitate very powerful healing on the level of the mind, on the level of emotions and on the level of the spirit. And so, what we're looking to achieve through this work is to harmonize the subconscious mind with the conscious mind.   And so, what these powerful medicines do, for example, Ayahuasca or Psilocybin, which is the active compound in magic mushrooms, or psilocybe mushrooms. So what these powerful medicines do is they amplify what's happening in our subconscious mind and they give us greater access to what's happening in our subconscious minds.   And so, through that we're able to come face to face with some of the skeletons that you may say might be lying around in our closet and to begin to process the associated emotions in the approach associated limiting beliefs and limiting thought patterns that we have hanging out there in our subconscious minds. And as we do so then we can really make significant improvements to ourselves.    Approach or Strategy in Terms of Integrating Plant Medicine to Improve Customer Experience   Me: So as you know, this podcast is all about navigating your customer's experience. So I would love to tie this into how is it that this particular approach or strategy in terms of integrating plant medicine into your life will allow individuals to improve on their customer experience? Could you maybe share one, two or three things that you've seen? Do you work with corporate entities; do you mostly work with individuals? How does this really tap back into the primary reason of our show?   Jonathan shared that there's probably a couple of layers to this that we could explore. So he'll share a few thoughts, and then you can guide the conversation and the direction that you think your audience will find most helpful.   He shared that the first is really in relation to our experience, so any customer experience that we might imagine, or design or develop, is a function of our own thinking. And so, these powerful medicines have highly creative potential to them because they really remove constraints from the way that we think, often we've been so programmed, or we've been so conditioned through our parents, through society, culture, etc. to think in a very particular way.   And so, when we think about and speak about things like customer experience, then those influences do find their way into the ways that we define design, any set of customer experiences. So he thinks as and when we peel away those layers of programming, then there's an opportunity there to enhance our creativity and be able to see significantly new ways to think about customer and think about design and think about the customer experience. So he thinks that's one.   And then the second that he would mention would be, he thinks honestly speaking, it's a little bit early for the B2B aspect of this work, he thinks it's still rapidly gaining in popularity on the level of the individual. And so, they always say about their clients that the soul needs to be calling this is very deep and can be quite challenging work.   And so it's important that people individually feel ready to do the work. But there are certainly companies that are taking that next step and leadership teams coming together to try to re envisage their own strategy, their own vision for the company to really kind of set a very bold 10x or 100x vision for what the customer experience might be or what the outcomes that they're looking for, for the organization, and then using the plant medicine as a bit of an accelerator to just to removing the barriers to thinking, changing the paradigm to removing the ego, as often a limiter in terms of what's stopping a leadership team from working most efficiently together to achieve the vision that they're passionate about achieving together.   Using this Strategy or Approach to Manifest Better Things   Me: So, a few things popped in my mind just know when you were sharing those two points. One was, because I'm sure you have clients already that you've worked with, I'm sure there are some success stories out there. Maybe could you share with us maybe one or two things that from this type of strategy and approach on an individual level, the person was able to manifest better things in their lives, not just remove barriers, but there were results that were on a higher level, maybe with their business, whether it was a one man shop, or they were a manager in a business, or maybe even enhance the quality of their family life, maybe they had better relationships or just to see what are some of the results that an individual can really supremely achieve if they really commit to this process?   Jonathan stated that he should probably caveat his answer here by stating that plant medicine is a very powerful tool. So, a powerful tool can help you achieve the thing that you're trying to achieve but in of itself, it's not necessarily the answer, if that makes sense. So, it's the person that builds the house, the hammer just helps us get it done is an analogy that comes to mind. And so, what he might share here, he believes that everything that's possible with plant medicine is otherwise possible say through meditation and through other means. So, he just wants to caveat that, he's not saying this is some sort of a silver bullet in any way, shape, or form, it's a powerful tool. So yes, as Yanique alluded to, step one, he guesses, in relation to this work is often removing those limiting beliefs, kind of letting go of the past.   But step two, and kind of much more interesting and exciting than that is, “Okay, great, fantastic. But what are we bringing into our world?” And so, what is possible in relation to this is really up to the individual in terms of what they are? What is in alignment with what they can manifest it into the world?   There's is a very interesting paper that he came across about six months ago which is by the American CIA and what the paper describes is that the nature of the universe is a hologram of consciousness or a matrix of consciousness. And so, when we hear about books like The Secret, or when we hear about things like The Law of Attraction, the reason that that stuff works is that the nature of the universe is consciousness and so obviously, we are highly conscious beings. And so there's a relationship between the nature of the universe itself, and this very powerful tool that we have which is our consciousness and our imagination. And so, when you speak about what we're able to manifest, what we're able to attract into our lives, then virtually, he doesn't think that there's any limitation for anyone in terms of what they can manifest and attract into their lives.   Now, of course, there's a part of our brain, there's a part of our rational mind that immediately thinks, “Well, hang on. Well, that's not my experience of the world, I've got this 3D existence, and I've got taxes, and I've got people who depend upon me and a job and these other things. And so, I'd love to just be able to manifest whatever I want into my experience.” But it doesn't quite work like that.   But actually, it does and so what becomes very exciting is that as we begin to remove these limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns and dot, dot, dot, and I'm not good enough, and all of that, that we really can manifest whatever it is that we want in our life. So whether that means a new job, whether that means improvements of the quality of our health, whether that means great relationships, a loved one, more free time, whatever it is that we'd like to manifest into our experience, if we're very clear on that and we're very determined in the way that we approach that then his genuine, honest opinion is that we can manifest virtually anything into our experience.   Books That Have Had the Greatest Impact on Jonathan   When asked about books that have had the biggest impact, Jonathan stated that he'll share two books. The first is Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by Dr. David Hawkins. And that's a very simple book but it's such a powerful book and so what he teaches is the various levels of consciousness. So, from the lowest level emotions like shame, guilt, fear, apathy, grief, and then up to the higher level, but still negative emotions like desire, anger, pride, etc, up into the very higher states of consciousness, like peace, love, and joy. And so, he's mapped out these various stages of consciousness and also provides tools for people to, number one, understand where they are in relation to these levels of consciousness. But number two, also to begin to make steps towards letting go which is the key to being able to move to higher levels of consciousness. So, that's number one.   And then number two is very much in relation to what they were just talking about, which is manifestation. And it's a wonderful book by Kidest OM, she's a great author. She's got a bunch of books out there and as you might imagine, the book is about how to manifest Anything You Want.   What Jonathan is Really Excited About Now!   Jonathan shared that the first one that he's excited about is they've just adopted two stray cats. And their existing cat is not particularly happy about that. So there's energetic dynamics in the house, as everything kind of evens out. But more broadly than that, there's two things that they're involved in that he's super excited about.   The first is bringing more spiritual knowledge into some of the psychedelic science. So they've got some really impressive science that's happening at Johns Hopkins University, at NYU, at Harvard, Yale, Imperial College in London, some of the leading academic institutions out there. But they're taking a very deterministic and science based approach to this work. And so, some of the spiritual mentors that exists within Behold Retreats are bringing some more of this knowledge into the scientific world, which he thinks is very exciting and will prove its value and its ability to accelerate some of the scientific understanding. So, that's one piece that he's very excited about besides the cats.   And then the second is, he's just speaking to a couple of governments in the region, he's based in Thailand. And they're trying to establish the first legal option for plant medicine in the region, because, as you may be aware that this work is illegal in the overwhelming majority of countries, which is why they do a lot of this work in Costa Rica, Mexico, Peru, Netherlands, and in soon Jamaica.   Me: Yes, I'm sure you'll get good support from Jamaica, because we do believe in natural approaches to dealing with our health in Jamaica, that's part of our culture and our history. So, I think once you can provide justification as to how this will help you, if it's going to renew cells, cause rejuvenation, as I was mentioning earlier in the conversation, show results, people will definitely embrace it because it's a way better option than swallowing pills on a daily basis, which can't be helpful for you.   Jonathan agreed and shared that what's interesting about this medicine compared to our Western paradigm, in our Western understanding of medicine, is that this medicine really requires a very highly capable practitioner alongside it, it's not that you can just take a couple of mushrooms or take some Ayahuasca and that your life improves, that's really not it, these, these plant medicines, or these psychedelics, in of themselves are not necessarily positive, it's how we use them and who were guided by that makes fundamentally the difference between a very high quality healing or growth experience and just, honestly, just taking some psychedelics, taking some drugs, if that makes sense.   Where Can We Find Jonathan Online   Instagram – @behold_retreats Website – www.behold-retreats.com   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Jonathan Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Jonathan stated that he does, a quote he really loves is “A ship is safe in harbour but that's not what ships are for.” He applied to both the context of the individual as well as what a group of individuals may be achieved, trying to achieve together. And so, in relation to that, we are all here individually to evolve ourselves and so it's very easy to stay at home and watch Netflix on a Friday night, but there's much more interesting and better things that we might be doing with our time and with our energy. And so, the way that he always interpreted that quote is, yeah, you can stay at home or you can limit yourself or there's many ways to be comfortable in life. But when you put yourself out there as a ship out of harbour then good things happen.   And yes, there are challenges but that's what this life is all about. It's about facing those challenges that we may encounter and seeing if we have it within ourselves to meet those challenges and potentially even to overcome those challenges.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners    Links Anything You Want by Kidest OM Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by Dr. David Hawkins   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

Mark Smith is the President of Kitewheel. With over 20 years of global experience in Marketing Applications and Analytical CRM, Mark is a leader in building, growing and managing successful companies. Currently in “innovation mode” as the President of Kitewheel, Mark is focused on helping marketing agencies deliver better customer engagement through solutions that unify the “logic” layer of today’s customer-facing technology for their large brand clients.   Mark’s journey into customer behaviour and experience started early in his career. Shortly after achieving his Ph.D. in Mathematics and Statistics from the University of Edinburgh, Mark founded Quadstone – the first data mining company to focus explicitly on the analytics of customer behaviour. In the years that followed, Mark moved to Boston to build the US business and oversaw revolutionary analytic progress at clients including T-Mobile, Dell, Merrill Lynch and Fidelity. His leadership role expanded to global sale, marketing and product teams that led to a series of 3 successful M&A transactions over the last 10 years.    Questions   Mark can you share a little bit about your journey? How you got to where you are today, what is Kitewheel and what do they do? What are some key performance indicators that you would need to watch in the business as it relates to the data analytics in order to ensure that you can predict behaviour or at least nudge them as you had suggested on what they would need to do next or what they would need to be reminded of. We hear a lot also about an Omni-channel experience. An Omni-channel means that everything is connected, as you were suggesting just now. Could you give us an example of a company that you know, whether maybe you've worked with as a service provider, or a company that you are a customer of theirs? And maybe they haven't mastered it, they've come very close to mastering an Omni-channel experience? Who should own customer experience in a company? Could you share with us if you have a website, app, tool, anything that you absolutely can't live without in your business? What's the one thing that you use in your business that you can't live without? It could be a tool, it could be a website, it could be an app. Could you share with us maybe one or two books that have had biggest impact on you? It could be a book that you read a very long time ago, or maybe even one you read recently, but it still has had a great impact on you. Could you share with us maybe one thing that you're working on in your life right now, something that you're really excited about? It could be something you're working on to develop yourself or your people. Where can listeners find you online if they wanted to connect with you even more? Do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge you'll tend to revert to this quote or saying, it kind of helps to refocus you or just get you back on that path to whatever goal you are working on originally.   Highlights   Mark’s Journey   Mark shared that he’s the President of Kitewheel, they are a company that helps deliver great experiences to the customers of typically large organizations, by helping them manage the journeys that their customers are on. He has been doing this for a long time now, over 20 years he has been helping organizations understand the behaviour of customers from a kind of an analytic perspective. And at Kitewheel, they've kind of tuned that and moved more into the orchestration area, as they call it, which is helping businesses actually make a difference to the customer by changing the process, and helping the customer along their journey, so that they have the best possible experience.   Me: So customer journey mapping and customer orchestration. Those are kind of big terminologies in the customer experience space, for those members of our audience that may not necessarily know what that entails, could you break down for us what that is in the simplest possible terms, maybe give us an example of what it means to a business to understand that process?   Mark shared that journey mapping is certainly something that's been around for quite some time in the customer experience area, that the whole process of designing out the steps that a customer goes through on their journey, journey has become very popular, particularly the last few years, because organizations see it as a way managing that journey, is a way of kind of being somewhat in control of the experience and try and allows the business to do the best possible job of delivering a great experience. And so organizations are trying to understand so what is the journey?   And what ways do customers interact with my business? Which channels do they use? What things do they look for on different channels? And when do they use them? And what order did they do things?   Too many businesses are very kind of focused on things from their perspective. And they would like customers to do things in a certain order, but it's all really about the customer, and they do things their way. And different customers do things in different ways and so they're often on different journeys, and organizations trying to map those out.   What Kitewheel is focused on is actually using the data inside organizations to do what they call journey analytics. So not just theoretically, what do we think the customer journey is, but actually using the data from all these digital tools that we now have, and all these channels systems that record everything that happens, let's take those and start to analyze what's the real journey that the customers are on and let's visualize that so that the business can really understand not just what they think the customers doing or not just what the customers say they're doing through feedback surveys. But actually, what are they doing in terms of real behaviour.   Let's look at that. And that's journey analytics. And that journey analytics then gives you a frame, once you can see what the customers are really doing and you understand what makes them happy and or unhappy, then you can start to orchestrate, which is the process of actually changing things for the customer, helping them along their journey, nudging them this way, nudging them that way, reminding them of something they need to do. And that all helps them get to their end goal of getting a question answered, getting a customer service issue dealt with, buying a product, whatever it may be. If we can help get them there more smoothly, quickly, easily, the customer is going to regard that as a great experience and be very happy.   Key Performance Indicators in the Business to Predict Behaviour on What to Do Next   Me: What are some key performance indicators that you would need to watch the business as it relates to the data analytics in order to ensure that you can predict behaviour or at least nudge them as you had suggested on what they would need to do next or what they would need to be reminded of.   Mark shared that that's a great point. And what the organizations often have to do here is develop a small number of new performance indicators that are connected to journeys.   Lots of businesses today, they track things by channel or by product or by business unit and they know how many people visit the website, they know how many people open emails, they know how many people call the call centre, they know how many people say they're a net promoter and how many people complain. But few organizations have tied all of that together to understand it as a connected experience and understand it as a journey.   And the key new metrics that need to be developed are how many customers are going down different journeys and what is the overall satisfaction of customers who go down these different experiences.   And the data is all there, it's just a matter of connecting it together so you could see it as a connected journey. And then say, customers would go down this journey, they're much happier than customers who go down this different journey, let's align the right customers with the right journey.   Today, most companies can only control those things, channel by channel, or activity by activity, interaction by interaction. And the best results come from moving on to a connected experience of lots of interactions or across lots of channels.   Mastering the Omni-Channel Experience   Me: We hear a lot also about an Omni-Channel experience. An Omni-Channel means that everything is connected, as you were suggesting just now. Could you give us an example of a company that you know, whether maybe you've worked with as a service provider, or a company that you are a customer of theirs? And maybe they haven't mastered it, they've come very close to mastering an Omni-Channel experience?   Mark shared that the Omni-Channel concept, it's supposed to mean, all channels, all possible channels. The idea being that we as customers can make any choice we want, we as customers can one day go online to get a product, another day walk into a store, another day phone up, shouldn't really matter, we should get the same level of experience, have access to the same products regardless of where we choose, or how we choose to do business.   And the great companies are able to connect those channels together so that it's seamless. And no matter what the customer chooses, as they move from potentially one channel to another, it's a seamless experience for them, that's what we all would regard as a great experience that if he’s on the website looking at something, can't find an answer to his question, so he calls for help, it's always great when your call goes through the customer service person talking to you knows why you're there. And you can say, you’re calling because of a problem with your bill, because those channels have been connected and they know that he was just on the website with a billing problem, and therefore can help him instantly with that problem.   And so, that ability to connect those channels is where the kind of leading organizations are going, he had a great expert, you asked me for a specific example.   And he had a great experience just recently, he and his wife bought some new furniture from a company called Floyd who are an American manufacturer based in Detroit. And like everybody these days, like most people these days, they bought their furniture online, sitting at home, because they can't go anywhere. And they've done a fantastic job of making that a super kind of connected, highly branded experience. So, they half did the order on a mobile phone and then moved to a laptop.   But that went through, they instantly got confirmation and they got handed to a shipping company and actually there was something that had to be made and then handed to a shipping company. But that was completely seamless, they had communications coming from both the shippers as well as the manufacturer. But they were totally connected, each one knew what the other one was doing. And they gave them advance notice of when the delivery was going to be arrived exactly on time. They then phoned to check it was all correct, send them a survey following it. Just everything works so smoothly, despite the fact that they were two different companies involved and like four different channels. And when those things work well like that, what happens? You tell everybody about it, and that's what we're all looking for. We all want businesses promoted by advocates who think we do a great job. And here he is, doing exactly that because it was a great experience.    Who Should Own Customer Experience in a Company   Me: So we are in that era now, as you said, people are way more aware of customer experience, there's clearly a lot more attention given to it. A lot of organizations maybe 10, 15 years ago that never used to allocate a budget towards customer experience definitely by force, the customer has forced them to realize the direct correlation between having customers and their bottom line, they certainly realize that they need to give some emphasis to customer experience. But who should own customer experience in a company?   Mark stated that this is a great question. And it really has changed dramatically, just in the last one or two years. Because he thinks it's raised up significantly who owns customer experience, certainly, in the forward thinking businesses, the ones that are approaching customer experience the right way, they have realized that it's suddenly become this huge differentiator for the business from the competition.   In the old days, customer experience was seen as more a lower level thing in the business, it was a problem solving issue resolution thing, it was like the customer complaints department.   And now, the real forward thinking organization see it, “No, customer experience is actually about the whole business, in a way, it's what our brand is, this is the core message we give out to the market is the kind of experience we deliver.” And it's the number one thing people look for to differentiate one company from another. So it has to span the whole business.   And so, we see a lot of big CX initiatives now lead from the board level, real C level executives, and more and more companies are hiring Chief Experience Officers or Chief Customer Officers, who are going to take this customer centric view and drive experience as a connected thing across the typical three big divisions of sales, marketing, and service.   And oftentimes, customer experience was just in the service department but he thinks the real thinkers are bringing it up to be across all of them because every one of those communications, whether it comes from marketing, or customer service, or loyalty, or wherever, they're all part of the experience that the business delivers. So connecting them requires a top level very senior person to really lead this new generation of CX initiative.   Me: Amazing, thank you so much for sharing Mark. I did a training session earlier today with a financial organization. I'm here in Jamaica, actually. Are you in the States or in the UK?   Mark shared that he is in the States. He lives just outside Boston but his accent does come from the UK originally.   Me: Yes, it's still very strong. So one of the things that came up in the training session earlier today, and it's actually a great pet peeve of mine is sales and customer service, I strongly believe work hand in hand. And I find that a lot of companies that have sales representatives, they're extremely eager and enthusiastic and just on it to get the business, that first sale, but then to get me to buy again, or to follow up to ensure that I'm okay with the product or the service, whatever it may be, whether it's tangible or intangible, that's where they fail. Is it something that needs to be psychological from a sales perspective for it to be merged with customer experience that they don't just look on it as a one-time sale. I get it, you have a target, you need to earn X amount of dollars per month. But those customers that you signed on in November 2020, have you even reached out to them since the year started? Where do we close that gap? Or how do we close that gap?   Mark stated that that's a great example of that sort of systematic systemic problems that organizations have to do this kind of customer experience delivery right and that's the sort of silos, the organizational silos that exist in so many businesses, driven by management structures, team structures, and sadly, often incentive structures that really govern what people do, what your teams do, the lifeblood of the company, the people, what they actually do, if those are not connected and everybody from the top down is focused on the experience goal, then you'll get this kind of situation. And that's why you need a top level leader around these initiatives to make sure that the organization lines up. It's funny he often thinks that the real challenge these days of getting these stuff right is not technology anymore, it's not data, it's the organization actually doing the right things and behaving the right way. And so, if your sales team is totally incented, and motivated around just getting the deal in and then they hand it on to somebody else to look after that customer, then they're only going to care about it up to that point. And if their incentives and their commission is purely based on that, then that's where it stops, and they move on to the next thing.   Now, that can work if you've got a good customer success group who picks up the customer and their job is making sure that customer’s happy and they pick up. That's what actually what they do at Kitewheel is a nice handoff between the sales team who bring the customer up to the point of becoming one of their customers and then their customer success group picks them up and they're responsible for every week, every month, making sure that customer’s happy and successful. And ultimately, in two years-time, three years-time would renew and stay with them. And as long as there's a connection and the handoff happens, and you've got people caring about both sides, that can work. The problem is when there isn't anybody to hand it to, they’re just sales are being done and immature businesses can often be like this, they've just bring sales in, but no one picks them up. And it seems like no one cares about you. We've all experienced that, you buy a product and then it feels like no one's interested in you anymore, they've got your money, and you're on your own kind of thing.   App, Website or Tool that Mark Absolutely Can’t Live Without in His Business    When asked about an online resource that he can’t live without, Marks shared that for his business today, it would almost certainly be Zoom. They have suddenly moved a year ago now almost, to be in a virtual business, no one goes in the office anymore, everybody works from home, he used to travel almost every week to visit customers. And now he has been sitting in the same room for the last 12 months doing everything virtual. So if they didn't have these tools, it's not always Zoom, many customers use Microsoft Teams or WebEx. But those online collaboration environments is undoubtedly the most important tool in his life right now to keep the contact going. Keep connected with the customer, make sure they're happy.   Books That Have Had the Greatest Impact on Mark    When asked about books that have had the biggest impact, Mark shared that an interesting question. The best recent book he read actually just literally a few weeks ago, he read Ben Horowitz’s The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers, which is a great business book. It's like he's gone through all the things that he (Mark) has gone through running a company over the last 20 years. And just full of great kind of down to earth advice on how to handle difficult situations and lots of stories about how this sort of thing happens all the time, it's always difficult, there's always completely unknown things that come around the corner that you need to be able to adapt and handle. So, he really enjoyed that read a few weeks ago.  And then the other classic business book that he read a long time ago was Geoffrey Moore's Crossing the Chasm, which is all about how you go from early kind of inventive ideas to more mainstream business. And he feels like that's where the customer experience world is at the moment, it's gone from early stage stuff to suddenly, it’s like every company out there is suddenly interested in customer experience. And we're definitely going through that kind of transition right now.   Me: I think COVID has actually brought it to the forefront even more, that has been my experience here in Jamaica for sure. They're more sensitive, and they pay more attention to the quality of the experience that they've gotten and I don't know if it's because safety has been like the new buzzword, how safe do you make me feel if I have to come into your environment and that a lot of times falls on how to services delivered. Something as simple, which has nothing to do with the product or service that you deliver but something as simple as when you actually arrive at a client's location and they are taking your temperature and spraying you, sometimes they're spraying it with things that you're not aware of. And nobody is actually saying to you, may I please sanitize your hands, and the liquid that we're using for the sanitation is alcohol mixed with lemongrass oil, or whatever concoction they've put in a bottle, but I think it is courteous, you should exercise courtesy and tell the customer what you are sanitizing their hand with.   Mark agreed and shared that Yanique made a really interesting point. And one of the things that worries him about the whole pandemic is we're being moved all this digital sort of human less contact mechanisms and people are going to forget about how to actually interact with each other, those kind of situations where people don't talk to you anymore, maybe because they're a bit scared because this situation is scary. But he knows exactly what you mean about that kind of personal interaction thing. But he also thinks this COVID, it has totally changed the business world as well and it is driving this interesting customer experience, because for so many businesses, their customers have totally changed how they experienced that business. All of a sudden all of our customers are also at home, like we are, and also having to do things on new channels, on more digital channels and that's a whole different experience for a lot of people. And so, the smart companies are suddenly focusing on, “We better investigate this area and do the best we can to make this experience for the customers a good experience.”    What Mark is Really Excited About Now!    Mark shared that Kitewheel has been around about 8 years and their business has been very focused on very large organizations who have been the sort of real leaders in this customer experience space and the first ones to move into, try and manage journeys better, and connect their channels and use all their data and so on. And the thing they’re working on and kind of launching in just a few weeks time, is how they bring those same things, the things that the big guys have been pioneering? How do they bring that to everyone?   How can they package that up, and make this sort of a journey approach, accessible to a lot more companies, a lot more businesses by essentially simplifying it and packaging it up so that everyone can kind of benefit from those, the early work of the kind of pioneers.   And that's very exciting. And it's a sort of reaction to get so many people asking them for that. They don't necessarily have a big army of internal developers to do things themselves but they'd still like to start taking this more customer experience centric approach to things. So, that's their big initiative that they're working on this year, and in fact, launching in a couple of weeks.   Where Can We Find Mark Online   Website – www.kitewheel.com Email – msmith@kitewheel.com LinkedIn – Mark Smith   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Mark Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Mark shared that he has a lots of those, he’s well known for having lots of quotes for different things. One of the mottos of the business, actually, they have a motto which is, “Work hard and be nice to people.” They have a poster that hangs in the office. No one sees it anymore but it does hang in the office. But he grew up in Scotland and there's a great there's matching quote from Scotland which is that, “Hard work never killed anybody.” And that would be his quote for when times are tough, you should remember that hard work never killed anybody, which is an old Scottish expression.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners   Links The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers by Ben Horowitz   The ABC’s of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC’s of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

It’s time for some fun in this not your daughter’s workout Not your mother’s workout episode. We spent an hour comparing and contrasting Millennials & Gen X/Boomers (50+). So get your long hike shoes on and be ready for the ride. There are a lot of pearls inside. Moms round up your daughters, in-laws and let’s do this. Are you working out with your daughter? Giving her tips so she can start exercise or get better results? I’m here with my good friend and the Millenial health expert Dr. Debbie Bright to discuss what’s same and what’s different about your workouts. My Guest Weight loss and gut-health expert Dr. Debbie Bright is an internationally recognized and board-certified Functional Medicine Physician, Exercise Physiologist and Nutritionist. As the Founder and CEO of the International Millennial Health™ Movement, Dr. Debbie helps millennials discover their hidden food sensitivities so they can heal their face (skin), fat and fatigue all within 21 days or less. While weight loss is what Dr. Debbie does—restoring self-worth is who she is. Not Your Daughter’s Workout Not Your Mother’s Workout, Or Is It? Both generations know they need to exercise/move more. When it comes to weight loss the first thing they think is, “I need to get into the gym.” They both falsely believe in the old science of eat less, move more — they think body composition is all about calorie restriction and cardio. So, they start eating more fruit, skipping meals, feeling like crap and jogging. The results they do get are not sustainable and they  rebound or yo-yo diet. I think it’s very common for both generations to always be on a diet in some way shape or form. They still falsely think they should be grazing too or eating their 100-calorie snack packs! Gen X & Boomers go for the treadmill (or the elliptical or walking) and Millennials go for the spin bike. Very cardio-driven mindset. We all need to move more. For Millennials it’s a very sedentary lifestyle due to long hours sitting at the desk and scrolling social media. For Gen X & Boomers it’s being planted in front of the computer too, and then the TV, and caring for aging parents. There’s a little social media time there too.  What Happened? BOTH: What used to work before is no longer working anymore (caloric restriction). Depending on age of Millennial (24-38), they’re also starting to experience hormonal shifts. Gen X & Boomers 50-75 experiencing after-effects of no weight lifting while working and no emphasis on it while they were young adult women. Stress Levels? Millennial women are career-driven, typically have a lot of student loan debt, depending on where they’re at in the age-range they are moms…very busy lifestyle and challenging to keep up with… Dads are getting the dad bods and I don’t see them recovering from it. Women 50+ are still working, juggling home, or now home and juggling more at home, more college kids not at college, young adults displaced due to COVID, aging parents whether very close or very far – both cause stress. Male boomers are losing muscle (and hair) gaining belly fat and slowing down…especially if alcohol is still a big part of social life. For men and women - Still working, don’t want to be working, stopping working, identifying with the career, or worrying about not having the income from working and will it be enough. What’s driving the Millennial generation to choose their workouts? Social interaction and a sense of community, which is why they’re skipping out on the regular do-it-yourself gym memberships and aiming for boutique-style group classes. What’s driving 50+ Women to choose workouts? “Don’t Hurt Me!” and fat loss, belly fat loss promises. So, they’re vulnerable. They can fall for the snake-oil salesman and a savvy marketer. Look, even a beautiful 50 something trainer with flat abs doesn’t guarantee she’s using a hormone balancing exercise prescription that is based on YOU and individual need. What are the top 5 most popular fitness activities among the Millennial generation? Yoga Spin like SoulCycle HIIT training or bootcamps Pilates CrossFit Women 50+ exercise favorites Walking Pilates Yoga, Barre Zumba Elliptical, rowing, “toning classes" What do you see as beneficial or not with these workouts? Let’s be real…spin is NOT a full-body workout! Yoga keeps you soft. Lots of injury with CrossFit and bootcamps. Moving is great, but only focusing on any one of these and skipping weight training does you no favors at all! There are (7) functional human movements include: pushing, pulling, squatting, lunging, hinging, rotation/anti-rotation  gait We never drop into pushups on a bike or lift your baby with your feet pedaling beneath you — not functional. Dr. Debbie Tip: When I’m on a spin bike and they go to weights, I crank my resistance up so high that I can now use the pedal as a ground reactive force so I can engage my core and I don’t blow out my shoulders with 2 pound weights. I understand grip strength and how that protects the shoulder… I frown on this style of false "full-body" workout. Debra Tip: I leave.  I’ve got less time on this earth for nonsense than you. Professional and Olympic athletes don’t even do crazy stunt workouts, so why would you? There is exercise (full of creativity and variety for variety sake) and then there’s training. ME: Let’s clarify that statement. We don’t want necessarily to train like professional and Olympic athletes … they train twice a day, they nap and treat nutrition like it’s their job between, it’s their life. But … the point… that you train with specificity. What do you want to be better at? What aren’t you good at now? What hurts? What doesn’t feel good? What do you want to be able to do? Not Your Daughter’s Workout Not Your Mother’s Workout on Social Media True for BOTH: Too many Instagram stars doing the most ridiculous workouts! Oh, god, thank you for that! And too many who have clearly had surgery – be it boob, belly or butt – that viewers are believing they’ll get that look if only they repeat. True for BOTH: Pink dumbbells outside of rehab are just embarrassing. Skipping weights is a huge disservice to longevity. Me: and it’s asking for disability. End stages of perimenopause, early stages of post menopause, muscle and bone losses are accelerated. So offsetting those with strength training and protein is mandatory unless you just want to say… okay… just say bring it on aging. But during COVID if you felt more stress, isolation, flirted with depression or anxiety and you’re taking medications, those can also compound body composition changes. This minute we’re in right now is lasting longer than anyone wants it to…and we need to decide right here and now we take back control in 2021. Your choices during the pandemic especially if you’re in menopause will determine your next 10, 20, and 30 years. Spin Bunnies? Spin bunnies and boot campers are NOT functional trainers. They don’t even know human anatomy or those basic 7 human movements if you asked them!! It’s embarrassing!! Me: And they literally just “spank” participants. As if the worse you feel, the more you can barely walk leaving or tomorrow, the more “it was a great workout.” In 2020 that kind of mentality costs you immunity. That kind of muscle breakdown – catabolism – on top of emotional, financial, stressor… Example: Pull-ups or chin-ups work the core. Put in a tampon and do them and tell me your core and pelvic floor aren’t activated enough to push that thing out of place. Me: True! And that I hope ever Flipping 50 listener has at least one tampon lying around to go try this. Where Not Your Daughter’s Workout Not Your Mother’s Workout Collide Weights do not make you bulky, weights make you toned, sexy, lean…you need to be strong as you age. Me: Truth. Let’s get to the bottom of "bulk" when doing weights. A sign you are retaining water, puffy, and a hormone imbalance A sign you are not eating enough protein but have justified just eating more, and making it carbs – of the not so resistant starches kind A sign you’re not adhering to a smart schedule of training and recovery. What drives Millennial women crazy if you say/advise them ______________ Being confronted with the idea that what they’re doing isn’t really serving them—cardio, caloric restriction. They don’t know how to train functionally. They don’t understand they need to rest! They think it’s go harder, stronger,  longer and they’re heading towards burnout with the poor food choices and excessive exercise.  Frequency Reality Dr Debbie: I only train 2x a week coming out of burnout myself, but people look at me and claim I must train 2x a day, 7 days a week.  And to dive deeper into rest. After about 40 the need for recovery time increases. I always like to emphasize there isn’t a reduced need for stimulus, meaning you need to lift, and you need to lift to fatigue. But you will enjoy greater strength and fitness gains if you recover fully and that is more often 72 hours than the 48 between strength training sessions you used to do. You can workout once with your daughter and then the rest of the week you’ve got unique needs for recovery. Me: Yes, A 67-year old client of mine recently crossed the 100 lb weight loss threshold, and she recently had a PR doing a virtual 5k (she does many). A member of our community asked in a post whether she runs every day? She runs just twice a week at most, one is a short hill interval workout and another is a low to moderate mileage easy jog – always with a purpose. That might be she does 2.5 miles and I ask her to go out easy and then have a negative split – making her second half of the run significantly faster. We don’t just log miles. That’s like eating chips. Junk food – junk miles. Where can you connect more with Dr. Bright? https://www.Weightlossawarenessquiz.com Instagram: @drdebbiebright Show notes: /notyourdaughters

'After this, Jesus revealed Himself again to His disciples by the Sea of Tiberias. He revealed Himself in this way: Simon Peter, Thomas (called “Twin”), Nathanael from Cana of Galilee, Zebedee’s sons, and two others of His disciples were together. “I’m going fishing,” Simon Peter said to them. “We’re coming with you,” they told him. They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. When daybreak came, Jesus stood on the shore. However, the disciples did not know it was Jesus. “Men,” Jesus called to them, “you don’t have any fish, do you? ” “No,” they answered. “Cast the net on the right side of the boat,” He told them, “and you’ll find some.” So they did, and they were unable to haul it in because of the large number of fish. Therefore the disciple, the one Jesus loved, said to Peter, “It is the Lord! ” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tied his outer garment around him (for he was stripped) and plunged into the sea. But since they were not far from land (about 100 yards away), the other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish. When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire there, with fish lying on it, and bread. “Bring some of the fish you’ve just caught,” Jesus told them. So Simon Peter got up and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish — 153 of them. Even though there were so many, the net was not torn. “Come and have breakfast,” Jesus told them. None of the disciples dared ask Him, “Who are You? ” because they knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread, and gave it to them. He did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to the disciples after He was raised from the dead. When they had eaten breakfast, Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these? ” “Yes, Lord,” he said to Him, “You know that I love You.” “Feed My lambs,” He told him. A second time He asked him, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me? ” “Yes, Lord,” he said to Him, “You know that I love You.” “Shepherd My sheep,” He told him. He asked him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me? ” Peter was grieved that He asked him the third time, “Do you love Me? ” He said, “Lord, You know everything! You know that I love You.” “Feed My sheep,” Jesus said. “I assure you: When you were young, you would tie your belt and walk wherever you wanted. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will tie you and carry you where you don’t want to go.” He said this to signify by what kind of death he would glorify God. After saying this, He told him, “Follow Me! ” ' John 21:1-19 https://my.bible.com/bible/72/JHN.21.1-19

Me: Hello, I would like T*tties, Booty and Lips please. Her: Would that be all? Me: Yes. Her: Your total is 183.57 Me: Umm.. is that Pesos??

How Do We Respond… Part 2 – No Fear A balanced approach: Look at and stand on the truth of God's Word. When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. (Psalm 56:3-4) “Everything is being canceled. The NBA games. The NHL games. March Madness. Broadway plays. Flights. Cruises. Cancellations, everywhere! But can I tell you the one thing that has not and WILL not be canceled? God will never cancel his promise to take care of us. Do not interpret the presence of problems as the absence of God. God has promised, ‘Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.' He is with us. He is for us. He offers us peace in the face of uncertainty, and hope in exchange for heaviness.” [Max Lucado, https://maxlucado.com/listen/peace-in-the-face-of-uncertainty/] When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. (Psalm 94:19, ESV) When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. (NIV) “The enemy is vicious but he is not Victorious. I may sometimes feel afraid, but I don't have to live afraid. Most importantly, I can remember that fear doesn't have to pull me away from trusting God. Fear can actually be the catalyst for me choosing to trust God more than ever. Some things and situations have happened in the last week that could put me in a huge state of fear. Have I been a little anxious? Yes, but I am choosing to put my trust in the One who has been faithful and will continue to be faithful.” [Michelle Hoffman, posted on Facebook, 26 March 2020] But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” (Isaiah 43:1-2) Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. (John 14:1) “Drenched head to toe from the rain and seawater, Captain Wessler clung to the ropes that kept him upright as the ship climbed and dove over every large wave. He and his crew were weathered, experienced sailors, but three days of nothing but storm and wave, lightning and thunder, will take the starch out of anyone. Three days of storm meant three nights with no stars, no moon, no sightings. With nothing to navigate by, they could only keep their bow pointed into the waves and hope for the best. Who knows what might confront them out of the dark and rain? How long could this blasted storm continue? The worst part was the feeling of helplessness. At sea in the middle of a storm, there's only so much you can control. Captain Wessler was doing his best to keep up the spirits of his sailors, but they all knew that their fate didn't rest in their own hands.” [John Barcanic, Uncertain Seas, ©2020, Intersekt, pages 21-22] Roller coasters: We're not in control. "In his 6th-century commentary on the Book of Job, St. Gregory pointed out that the Lord's ways are very mysterious in that he sometimes allows GOOD things to happen to GOOD people. Back then, they expected the Christian life to involve suffering and sacrifice, and used to worry if they were not suffering enough. Today, suffering is seen as a problem without easy answers. The general insight from Christianity is that, while suffering is not good in itself, there is no suffering in this life that cannot be turned into an instrument for good." [Andrew Pinsent, quoted by Leonard Sweet on Facebook] I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33) Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7) Make a “thanksgiving list.” ADDITIONAL NOTES FOR FURTHER STUDY AND MEDITATION: Pastor Joel Christensen on Facebook: “Anxiety blinds us to the power of God. As we find ourselves becoming anxious, stop and pray! His peace will guard our hearts and minds!” Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) A.W. Tozer once said, "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." So, for example, if we think of God as being distant—we talked about that last week—then difficulties will jolt us far more easily than if we see Him as near, as close, as intimate. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. (Psalm 139:2-12) The God who is the Creator of everything is with us. He knows us intimately and still loves us. He knows every detail of your life, and He's crazy about you. And if He's taking care of sparrows and flowers, what are we worried about? God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:9) …casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7) Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31) Tim Keller on Facebook: “Difficulties take away earthly comforts and then, through prayer and reflection on the Word, we are driven closer to God to get His unique consolations. The process is long and in many parts painful, but the fruit is a spiritual poise that no trouble can dislodge.” One of our congregation posted this on Facebook: Me: Okay, God, here's the thing. I'm scared. I'm trying not to be, but I am. God: I know. Want to talk about it? Me: Do we need to? I mean, you already know. God: Let's talk about it anyway... We've done this before. Me: I know, I just feel like I should be bigger or stronger of something by now. God: *waiting patiently, unhurried, undistracted, never annoyed. Me: Okay. So, I'm afraid I'll do everything I can to protect my family and it won't be enough. I'm afraid of someone I love dying. I'm afraid the world won't go back to what it was before. I'm afraid my life is always going to feel a little bit unsettled. God: Anything else? Me: EVERYTHING ELSE. God: Remember how your son woke up the other night and came running down the hall to your bedroom? Me: Yes. God: You were still awake, so when you heard him running, you started calling out to him before he even got to you... remember? Do you remember what you called out to him? Me: I said, "You're okay! You're okay! You're okay! I'm here." God: Why did you call to him? Why didn't you just wait for him to get to your room? Me: Because I wanted him to know that I was awake, and I heard him, and he didn't have to be afraid until he reached the end of the dark hallway. God: Exactly. I hear you, my child. I hear your thoughts racing like feet down the dark hallway. There's another side to all of this. I'm there already. I've seen the end of it. And I want you to know right here as you walk through it all, you're okay. I haven't gone to sleep, and I won't. Me: *crying. Can we sit together awhile? Can we just sit here a minute before I go back to facing it all? God: There's nothing I'd enjoy more.

SOLVING PROBLEMS One of the greatest things about teens? Things change faster than a revolving door most of the time. So whether you’re in a season of solving problems with your teen or everything is peachy, know that you are right where you are supposed to be. Truly. Some of you might be in a challenging season right now. If that’s you, raise your hand if you’re thinking, “HERE? I’m supposed to be here, in this place where I’m miserable and my teen is too, and one of us is going out the window soon, and it might be ME?” YES. Here’s why. LIFE HAPPENS FOR YOU, NOT TO YOU I believe that there is a rhyme and a reason for everything we experience. Whether it’s the rough waves of a challenging circumstance or a smooth stretch where everything is sailing along, or something in between, I believe that life happens FOR you, not TO you. In this podcast episode, I share about a very difficult situation I experienced recently. It was an event that upended me and brought all my work to a halt. While working through this tough situation, I had a lot of opportunities to walk in that value I mentioned – the “life happens FOR, not TO, me” one. Time and again, I had to intentionally CHOOSE to view my circumstances as an opportunity rather than a catastrophe. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE So, why am I sharing all this with you? I want you to know that you have the power to choose how to face any problem, challenge, or difficulty, too. Just like I did, you can look at your circumstances and choose to act as a victim (Let me be clear. I DO understand that there are those who absolutely ARE victims. But if you have a CHOICE – ANY choice, even if it’s not a great one – then YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM.) So, you can choose to see yourself as a victim, or, you can look at those same circumstances and reframe them as an opportunity. IT'S SOLVING PROBLEMS, NOT POLLYANNA-ING I’m not talking about being a Pollyanna. It’s not about candy-coating what you’re experiencing or looking at things through rose-colored glasses. I’m talking about digging into the thing, wrestling with it, and benefiting from what you learn and how you grow. Embracing the discomfort and using it to propel you instead of resisting it and fighting against the pain of it. Using all of your determination, grit, and resources to keep going until you’re through the thing. HARD ISN’T THE SAME THING AS BAD I’m not promising it won’t be hard. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that it will be very hard. But HARD isn’t the same thing as BAD. In fact, discomfort is the currency of change – especially good, healthy change. Having said all that, it can be super-hard to not react when faced with hard circumstances. To stay in your “thinking” brain instead of reacting in flight, fight or freeze mode. Believe me – my knee-jerk reaction to that email I got in November wasn’t pretty. But I was able to respond intentionally and reframe it into an opportunity. Eventually. If I can do that, you can too. SHIFT FROM SOLVING PROBLEMS TO CREATING OPPORTUNITIES Here are the 5 steps you can use to flip those problems, challenges, or difficulties into opportunities. Give yourself time to process. Don’t decide or do anything in the moment. As long as no one is in imminent danger, it’s going to be more beneficial to give yourself time to let yourself feel all the feels and then reign it in and decide how to move forward with your thinking brain. As you move forward, lead with “this is happening FOR me, not TO me.” It takes some practice but reminding yourself that you’re not a victim, you are a responsible, capable grownup with choices, will get easier Call in the cavalry. I’ve found that it’s super-rare for me to be able to handle problems, challenges, and difficulties on my own. Lean on your people for advice, help, or just a safe space to blow off steam when you need to vent. And get their take on things – the people who love us most often see our shortcomings with waaay more clarity than we do. Be willing to listen to their constructive critique. Reflect. Seriously, journaling is what has kept me in forward momentum. There’s something about brain-dumping on a piece of paper – maybe the physicality of literally moving it from your brain, through your hand, to the paper? – that brings a peace and a clarity. Carry on. You may need to rinse and repeat many, many times, depending on the struggle – um, I mean opportunity – in front of you. The best thing you can do is keep showing up. And remember, things change pretty quickly in the kingdom of teens. This won’t last forever. Okay, friends, that’s my secret sauce for solving problems – any you might have. Just remember: it’s happening FOR you, you can reframe it as an opportunity, and just keep swimming. Until next time, remember, we’re all in the middle of it together!

Lesson 1.6:在机场 At the Airport状况二Situation 1:办理登机手续Check in状况二 Situation 2: 在安全检查处 At the SecurityCheckTSA: Do you have any liquids, laptop computers or ipads in your bag?安检人员：你有任何液体、手提电脑、或者平板电脑在你的包包里吗？Me: Yes, I have a laptop.我：是，我有一个手提电脑。TSA: Please remove it and put it in a separate tray.安检人员： 请你把它拿出来放在单独的盘子里。Me: Okay.我：好的。TSA: Any keys, wallet or mobile phones in your pockets?安检人员：有钥匙，皮夹或手机在你口袋吗？Me: No, I've put them in my bag already.我：没有，我已经放在我的包包里。TSA: Okay, please step through the security gate.安检人员： 好的，请走过安检门。（BEEP）TSA: Madam, please step over here… Could you lift your arms up…turn around please.安检人员： 女士，请走过来这，你可以把你的手举高吗？ ...请转身（BEEP）TSA: It's your belt. Could you take it off and put it through the x-ray again.安检人员：是你的皮带。 你可以把他脱掉，并且再过一次安检的机器。Me: Okay.我：好的。TSA: Please step through the security gate again.安检人员：请再一次通过安检门。（NO BEEP）TSA: Alright, no problem. Please collect your bags,have a nice day.安检人员：好的，没问题了。请拿好你的包包，祝你有个美好的一天。Me: Thank you!我：谢谢！跟Lily一起说英语去旅行的训练营即将开营啰！有144节线上课程，针对24个不同的旅游场景循环加深强度，课后你还可以缴交自己的录音还有老师亲自帮助你纠正不好的发音，让你立即开口说英语，在家学习也好像在世界各地游走！现在报名到公众微信帐号guilvte或是Line ID：flywithlily，回覆训练营，跟我们一起学英语环游世界去！

Lesson 1.6:在机场 At the Airport状况二Situation 1:办理登机手续Check in状况二 Situation 2: 在安全检查处 At the SecurityCheckTSA: Do you have any liquids, laptop computers or ipads in your bag?安检人员：你有任何液体、手提电脑、或者平板电脑在你的包包里吗？Me: Yes, I have a laptop.我：是，我有一个手提电脑。TSA: Please remove it and put it in a separate tray.安检人员： 请你把它拿出来放在单独的盘子里。Me: Okay.我：好的。TSA: Any keys, wallet or mobile phones in your pockets?安检人员：有钥匙，皮夹或手机在你口袋吗？Me: No, I've put them in my bag already.我：没有，我已经放在我的包包里。TSA: Okay, please step through the security gate.安检人员： 好的，请走过安检门。（BEEP）TSA: Madam, please step over here… Could you lift your arms up…turn around please.安检人员： 女士，请走过来这，你可以把你的手举高吗？ ...请转身（BEEP）TSA: It's your belt. Could you take it off and put it through the x-ray again.安检人员：是你的皮带。 你可以把他脱掉，并且再过一次安检的机器。Me: Okay.我：好的。TSA: Please step through the security gate again.安检人员：请再一次通过安检门。（NO BEEP）TSA: Alright, no problem. Please collect your bags,have a nice day.安检人员：好的，没问题了。请拿好你的包包，祝你有个美好的一天。Me: Thank you!我：谢谢！跟Lily一起说英语去旅行的训练营即将开营啰！有144节线上课程，针对24个不同的旅游场景循环加深强度，课后你还可以缴交自己的录音还有老师亲自帮助你纠正不好的发音，让你立即开口说英语，在家学习也好像在世界各地游走！现在报名到公众微信帐号guilvte或是Line ID：flywithlily，回覆训练营，跟我们一起学英语环游世界去！

Lesson 1.6:在机场 At the Airport状况二Situation 1:办理登机手续Check in状况二 Situation 2: 在安全检查处 At the SecurityCheckTSA: Do you have any liquids, laptop computers or ipads in your bag?安检人员：你有任何液体、手提电脑、或者平板电脑在你的包包里吗？Me: Yes, I have a laptop.我：是，我有一个手提电脑。TSA: Please remove it and put it in a separate tray.安检人员： 请你把它拿出来放在单独的盘子里。Me: Okay.我：好的。TSA: Any keys, wallet or mobile phones in your pockets?安检人员：有钥匙，皮夹或手机在你口袋吗？Me: No, I've put them in my bag already.我：没有，我已经放在我的包包里。TSA: Okay, please step through the security gate.安检人员： 好的，请走过安检门。（BEEP）TSA: Madam, please step over here… Could you lift your arms up…turn around please.安检人员： 女士，请走过来这，你可以把你的手举高吗？ ...请转身（BEEP）TSA: It's your belt. Could you take it off and put it through the x-ray again.安检人员：是你的皮带。 你可以把他脱掉，并且再过一次安检的机器。Me: Okay.我：好的。TSA: Please step through the security gate again.安检人员：请再一次通过安检门。（NO BEEP）TSA: Alright, no problem. Please collect your bags,have a nice day.安检人员：好的，没问题了。请拿好你的包包，祝你有个美好的一天。Me: Thank you!我：谢谢！跟Lily一起说英语去旅行的训练营即将开营啰！有144节线上课程，针对24个不同的旅游场景循环加深强度，课后你还可以缴交自己的录音还有老师亲自帮助你纠正不好的发音，让你立即开口说英语，在家学习也好像在世界各地游走！现在报名到公众微信帐号guilvte或是Line ID：flywithlily，回覆训练营，跟我们一起学英语环游世界去！

Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.成功是经过接连不断的失败后，依旧保有热情。[ Churchill│邱吉尔 ]行李检查 Baggage inspection Officer: Please bring your baggage here for inspection.请把你的行李拿过来检查。Me: Here you are, officer.好的，先生。Officer: Is all your baggage here?你所有的行李都在这裡了吗？Me: Yes, a camera bag, a travel bag and a suitcase.是的，一个相机包、一个旅行袋和一个行李箱。Officer: Have you got anything to declare?有什麽要申报的吗？Me: No. I have only personal effects.没有，我只有一些私人用品。

Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.成功是经过接连不断的失败后，依旧保有热情。[ Churchill│邱吉尔 ]行李检查 Baggage inspection Officer: Please bring your baggage here for inspection.请把你的行李拿过来检查。Me: Here you are, officer.好的，先生。Officer: Is all your baggage here?你所有的行李都在这裡了吗？Me: Yes, a camera bag, a travel bag and a suitcase.是的，一个相机包、一个旅行袋和一个行李箱。Officer: Have you got anything to declare?有什麽要申报的吗？Me: No. I have only personal effects.没有，我只有一些私人用品。

Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.成功是经过接连不断的失败后，依旧保有热情。[ Churchill│邱吉尔 ]行李检查 Baggage inspection Officer: Please bring your baggage here for inspection.请把你的行李拿过来检查。Me: Here you are, officer.好的，先生。Officer: Is all your baggage here?你所有的行李都在这裡了吗？Me: Yes, a camera bag, a travel bag and a suitcase.是的，一个相机包、一个旅行袋和一个行李箱。Officer: Have you got anything to declare?有什麽要申报的吗？Me: No. I have only personal effects.没有，我只有一些私人用品。

配乐：《Deep East Music - Goodie Three Shoes》笨笨口语四步法Ben's Four Steps第一步：音节分解第二步：逐个单词第三步：连读分解第四步：一气呵成Do you take credit cards/ WeChat / Alipay?可以刷信用卡/微信/支付宝吗？NO.1音节分解（多音节词详细分解，方便读音与记忆）双音节词cre-dit：/ˈkre-dɪt/ n. (名词）信誉，信用双音节词We-Chat：/ˈwi:-tʃæt/ n. (名词）微信三音节词A-li-pay：/ˈæ-lɪ-peɪ/ n. (名词）支付宝NO.2逐个单词（标准美音慢速朗读，讲解拼读、音标、词法、语法）Do you你 take接受 credit信用，信誉 cards卡片WeChat微信  Alipay支付宝拼读与音标拼读cr辅音字母组合/kr/例词：credit（cre-dit）信用crab（单音节）螃蟹cricket（cri-cket）板球crocodile（cro-co-dile）鳄鱼词法与语法无NO.3连读分解（连读略读，全面分解，真正说出一口流利美式英语）连读无略读take credit cards→ take credit cardsta credi cardsNO.4一气呵成（慢速朗读，反复收听，大声模仿，脱口而出)Do you / take credit cards/ / WeChat / Alipay?可以刷信用卡/微信/支付宝吗？英英解释单词学英语思维（既然是英英解释，不再提供中文翻译） credit card:信用卡 A credit card is a plastic card that you use to buy goods on credit.上一篇，咱们聊了酒店住宿情景对话，今天我们聊聊退房结账的事。在英语里，退房叫做 check out。大多数酒店的入住时间是下午3点到4点，而退房却在中午12点到下午1点。所以，大家在入住的时候，就要把退房时间问清楚，提前做好准备，以免出现不必要的麻烦。在结账的时候，前台一般会问你要不要收据 receipt，最好要上一份仔细核对消费明细，如果有差错立即纠正。如果你使用了房间里的消费用品，如瓶装水、小吃、小瓶红酒等，而退房的时候并没有检查出来，一般酒店会在之后把钱扣到你的信用卡上。这点，要留意。情景1：询问结账退房时间Me: What time is checkout?我：什么时间结账退房？checkout：结账、退房Clerk: You need to check out by 12 o'clock pm.职员：您需要在中午12点之前退房。情景2：准备结账退房Me: I'm checking out now. Can I have my bill, please?我：我现在想结账。请给我账单，好吗？bill：账单、清单Clerk: Sure. What's your room number, Madam?职员：好的，女士。您的房间号是多少？Me: It's 1106. Here is my room card.我：1106房间。这是我的门卡。情景3：酒店服务收费Clerk: Wait a minute, please. Did you have breakfast this morning?职员：请稍等。您今天用早餐了吗？have breakfast：吃早餐Me: Yes, but I paid cash for it.我：是的，但是我付的现金。Clerk: And did you use any other hotel services?职员：您还用了别的什么吗？service：服务Me: Yes, I used the mini-bar. I drank two cans of cola.我：是的，我用了小冰箱，喝了两罐可乐。mini-bar：小冰箱 ，小吧台can：容器、罐头cola：可乐情景4： 完成结账Clerk: OK! Here is your bill. Check it, please.职员：好的，这是您的账单，请查看。Me:Do you take credit cards/ WeChat / Alipay?我：可以刷信用卡/微信/支付宝吗？credit card：信用卡WeChat：微信支付（全称：WeChat Payment）Alipay：支付宝Clerk: We accept credit cards and Alipay.职员：我们支持刷信用卡及支付宝。Me: OK. I'd like a receipt, please.我：好的。请给我开张收据。receipt：收据、收条Clerk: We hope you had a nice day here.职员：希望您在这里住得愉快。

配乐：《Deep East Music - Goodie Three Shoes》笨笨口语四步法Ben's Four Steps第一步：音节分解第二步：逐个单词第三步：连读分解第四步：一气呵成Do you take credit cards/ WeChat / Alipay?可以刷信用卡/微信/支付宝吗？NO.1音节分解（多音节词详细分解，方便读音与记忆）双音节词cre-dit：/ˈkre-dɪt/ n. (名词）信誉，信用双音节词We-Chat：/ˈwi:-tʃæt/ n. (名词）微信三音节词A-li-pay：/ˈæ-lɪ-peɪ/ n. (名词）支付宝NO.2逐个单词（标准美音慢速朗读，讲解拼读、音标、词法、语法）Do you你 take接受 credit信用，信誉 cards卡片WeChat微信  Alipay支付宝拼读与音标拼读cr辅音字母组合/kr/例词：credit（cre-dit）信用crab（单音节）螃蟹cricket（cri-cket）板球crocodile（cro-co-dile）鳄鱼词法与语法无NO.3连读分解（连读略读，全面分解，真正说出一口流利美式英语）连读无略读take credit cards→ take credit cardsta credi cardsNO.4一气呵成（慢速朗读，反复收听，大声模仿，脱口而出)Do you / take credit cards/ / WeChat / Alipay?可以刷信用卡/微信/支付宝吗？英英解释单词学英语思维（既然是英英解释，不再提供中文翻译） credit card:信用卡 A credit card is a plastic card that you use to buy goods on credit.上一篇，咱们聊了酒店住宿情景对话，今天我们聊聊退房结账的事。在英语里，退房叫做 check out。大多数酒店的入住时间是下午3点到4点，而退房却在中午12点到下午1点。所以，大家在入住的时候，就要把退房时间问清楚，提前做好准备，以免出现不必要的麻烦。在结账的时候，前台一般会问你要不要收据 receipt，最好要上一份仔细核对消费明细，如果有差错立即纠正。如果你使用了房间里的消费用品，如瓶装水、小吃、小瓶红酒等，而退房的时候并没有检查出来，一般酒店会在之后把钱扣到你的信用卡上。这点，要留意。情景1：询问结账退房时间Me: What time is checkout?我：什么时间结账退房？checkout：结账、退房Clerk: You need to check out by 12 o'clock pm.职员：您需要在中午12点之前退房。情景2：准备结账退房Me: I'm checking out now. Can I have my bill, please?我：我现在想结账。请给我账单，好吗？bill：账单、清单Clerk: Sure. What's your room number, Madam?职员：好的，女士。您的房间号是多少？Me: It's 1106. Here is my room card.我：1106房间。这是我的门卡。情景3：酒店服务收费Clerk: Wait a minute, please. Did you have breakfast this morning?职员：请稍等。您今天用早餐了吗？have breakfast：吃早餐Me: Yes, but I paid cash for it.我：是的，但是我付的现金。Clerk: And did you use any other hotel services?职员：您还用了别的什么吗？service：服务Me: Yes, I used the mini-bar. I drank two cans of cola.我：是的，我用了小冰箱，喝了两罐可乐。mini-bar：小冰箱 ，小吧台can：容器、罐头cola：可乐情景4： 完成结账Clerk: OK! Here is your bill. Check it, please.职员：好的，这是您的账单，请查看。Me:Do you take credit cards/ WeChat / Alipay?我：可以刷信用卡/微信/支付宝吗？credit card：信用卡WeChat：微信支付（全称：WeChat Payment）Alipay：支付宝Clerk: We accept credit cards and Alipay.职员：我们支持刷信用卡及支付宝。Me: OK. I'd like a receipt, please.我：好的。请给我开张收据。receipt：收据、收条Clerk: We hope you had a nice day here.职员：希望您在这里住得愉快。

精品英语口语课，由Alan博士亲自教授，正在火热预报名。咨询请加工作微信：qihangstaff。 情景1：请求帮忙 Clerk:Hello! How can I help you? 职员：您好！有什么可以帮到您吗？ Me: I’d like to rent a car. 我：我想租一辆车。 rent 动词：出租、租用、租借 I’d like 是I would like的缩写，would like愿意、想要，相当于动词：want但语气比 want 更为委婉，后面可接名词、代词或者是动词不定式。如：I’dlike to watch TV.我想看电视。 情景2：询问预订号 Clerk: Do you have a reservation? 职员：您有预订吗？ Me: Yes, and the reference number is 8247. 我：是的，我的预订号是：8247。 reservation 名词：预订 reference number 词组：参考编号 情景3： 询问车型 Clerk: What kind of car are you looking for? 职员：您想要什么样的车？ Me: What ar...

情景1：询问结账退房时间 Me: What time is checkout? 我：什么时间结账退房？ checkout 名词：结账、检验 Clerk: You need to check out by 12 o’clock pm. 职员：您需要在中午12点之前退房。 check out 词组：结账离开 情景2：准备结账退房 Me: I’m checking out now. Can I have my bill, please? 我：我现在想结账。请给我账单，好吗？ bill 名词：账单、清单、钞票 Clerk: Sure. What’s your room number, Madam? 职员：好的，女士。您的房间号是多少？ number 名词：号码、数字 Me: It’s 1106. Here is my room card. 我：1106房间。这是我的门卡。 情景3：计价 Clerk: Wait a minute, please. Did you have breakfast this morning? 职员：请稍等。您今天用早餐了吗？ minute 名词：一分钟、一会儿 have breakfast 词组：吃早餐 Me: Yes, but I paid cash for it. 我：...

情景1：登记入住 Clerk: Good afternoon, can I help you, Madam? 职员：下午好，请问您有什么需要？ Me: Hello！I’m checking into a room. 我：您好，我是来登记入住房间的。 check into 词组：登记入住 情景2：询问是否预订 Clerk: Do you have a reservation? 职员：您有预定吗？ reservation 名词：预约、预订、保留 Me: Yes, my name is Linda. I have a reservation from July 1 to July 2. I called this morning. 我：是的，我叫琳达。预定了7月1日到7月2日的房间。我今天上午打的电话。 情景3：查询预订的房间 Clerk: Show me your ID, please. Let me see what room you have. 职员：请出示您的身份证，让我看看您预订了哪个房间。 ID在这里是：identification 的缩写 Me: OK! Here you are. 我：好的，给您。 情景4：确定预订房间 Clerk: Wait a moment, please. 职员：请稍等。 ...

How Fiona Robertson travelled the world on a shoestring, discovering her life path as she went. Plus the best travel food ever!Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:Adventure was my missing nutrientIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best travel food I know. It's not only packed with nutrients and easy to carry everywhere, but it's also the best food to help eliminate parasites from the body.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Fiona Robertson, the Body Whisperer, who helps people understand who they want to be. Fiona has travelled all over the world and has some amazing adventures to share with us which I think you will find very inspirational.So Fiona, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!Fiona: Yeah, thank you very much for having me. Thanks for inviting me. Nice to meet you here finally, face to face.Me: Yes, exactly! Cause we've known each other for a while, right? But it's been like an internet based...Fiona: An internet-based friendship, yeah, I know (laughs).Fiona's storyMe: Super! So I know that you've got, you've had quite a lot of adventures, but I think you mentioned that your taste for adventure perhaps came from your childhood. Is that right? You said you felt quite different as a child, can you maybe explain why?Fiona: Yeah, 4 years old we went to South Africa to live as a family. We kind of grew up with no shoes. So basically just kind of playing with lizards and centipedes and understanding all about nature and just wanting to be outside climbing trees, being a tomboy.A different way to grow upIt was just a different way for me to grow up. And when we moved back to the UK, I realized I was just different. I wanted to be outside playing in different ways and not playing giggly, schoolgirl games.Me: So how old were you when you moved back to the UK?Fiona: I was nine. Yeah, nine, nine and a half, something like that. Just kind of old enough, over the formative years, you know, that I'd really got a different country and kind of life under my skin. You know, I'd learnt Afrikans, I'd learned there was another language, I'd learnt there were different things going on. We were in South Africa at the time of apartheid as well, so you get a lot of different experiences, you know? We travelled there too on holiday of course.You see, I didn't think it was different, but it is, you're in a game park for a holiday and there's cheetas walking in the car park. It's exciting! And that's what my story's about, I didn't realize that adventure was so under my skin.Into the militaryMe: And so you said that you signed up to work with American Express in the military, is that right?Fiona: Yeah, one of my first jobs when I finished college and school and everything, I didn't want to go on to be an interior designer. That was my dream. But when they mentioned to me that it was four years foundational course and then I could specialize, I was like, “You've got to be kidding me! I can't sit still for that long! I've gotta be out there doing something!”I was interested in travel and so I got a job with American Express and it was on the American Air Force bases in the UK. So I started in High Wyckham and I was basically doing their travel tickets, their military travel tickets, then I ended up going and reliefing on the other different air force bases. So Greenham Common, Huntingdon, the ones in East Anglia, and just travelling around and doing that. Going and doing my travel, my specialist travel stuff for the American air force base.A different worldIt was cool because you walk into a different world. You go on the American an air force base and that land is owned by America. They have their happy hour, they have their bowling alleys, they have their shops, they have their own ways and cultures of doing things.Me: Wow. That just strikes me as really weird, you know? Like I've never, I mean even though I've lived in the UK for quite a while now. I've never been on any of the bases, and so part of me always just thinks, 'you're not contributing to the local economy', you know.Fiona: Oh they are, they don't all live on base, they live outside. But that was when I was nineteen, I started working on the American air force bases.The perfect job in travelLooking back now I just think what a perfect job for me. Working in travel and on an American air force base, you know?Me: So you organized travel for them, is that right?Fiona: I organized travel for them and basically with the old Prestel sets and the old ABC travel guide books we found air flights and all that kind of stuff. So I took all my exams for APTA travel. After that I went on to do incentive travel and after that I went on to sort of venue finding. Anything to do with people and traveling and moving. But incentive travel was very interesting, I liked that too.Me: What's incentive travel?Fiona: Imagine that you've got top salesmen and saleswomen and they're given an incentive. If they're the top team in the whole company in the whole of the country, then they get sent to some glorious destination and everything's paid for. So we used to organize all that, you know? With the ground agents and meals and restaurants. Down to exactly what kind of napkins would be on the table. It was like organizing a big wedding every few months, you know? Everything from the chauffeurs to the taxis to the kind of color-coordinating the flowers, everything.Import, export and video camerasMe: And then you went into a very different kind of business, right? With video cameras or something?Fiona: Yeah, I had another job in between time working for actually Ocean Pacific and I was on the export desk there. And I used to do all the certificates of export, and that was interesting for me. Because other people couldn't understand what these guys were saying, and I was just able to tune into what maybe the Greeks or the Spanish or the...You know, they were speaking pidgin English and wanting to be understood and then I was able to tune in somehow to what they were actually trying to tell me.And then I went on selling military cameras into industry, and again I worked with a lot of people from all over the world. So I listened to their languages and I listened to their accents and I understood about their culturesMe: So what happened when you wanted to go travelling? Because you said that at one point you had this business and then you sold it, is that right?Fiona: Yeah, from running the company I was working with I then set myself up for myself and found all my own clients and things and did that for two or three years. And I woke up one morning and thought 'God do I want to be doing this in five years' time? No! Two years? No!'Time to go travellingMe: So was there any specific incident that prompted this decision? Or was it literally from one day to the next waking up and going 'I don't want to do this'?Fiona: I thought that the company that I'd set up was my baby. I'd been with this other guy who was in the same industry though he ran a different company. So when we split up I think that was probably one of the kick up the backsides. I just said, “No, this is my baby, I want to hang onto this baby, this company” because Vision Source was my baby.But then when I woke up in the morning I just went, 'oh my God what am I doing? Do I really want to be doing this?' And when it was such a loud, resounding 'no', I couldn't not listen to that. I really had to think, 'no I'm just not going to be satisfied, it's going to kill me if I stay in this office and do this'. Even though it was doing really, really well.I managed to find somebody who was interested in selling, I sold the company to them. I rented my house out and I just took a rucksack and started travelling around the world.Me: So then how did you start? I think you said you bought an around the world ticket or something? I'm asking because, you know, if there's somebody listening who thinks 'oh I'd really like to travel around the world', I think some people wouldn't even know where to start, you know?A pink-haired rebel going round the worldFiona: Yeah, I was thirty-nine, I dyed my hair pink. Me: That's hilarious!Fiona: I was like wanting to be rebellious. Most people when they see the photographs kind of say, “Were you fifteen then?” and I say “No, thirty-nine, dyed my hair pink”. And I had my rucksack, a friend just said, you know, grab a rucksack. You buy a ticket that goes one direction around the world, and you can't go backwards so you always find a destination that forwards. And I think I didn't go that off the grid really. Thinking about it in retrospect it was fairly obvious.South Africa I started because that's where I've still got family living. Then, you know, Thailand, Singapore, Fiji, Cook, New Zealand, Australia and America. I really did not want that to end. That was just...no way.Me: But I think at the beginning I mean I imagine you would have had a decent amount of money to do that from the sale of your business, right? At some point did the money run out? I ask because you said that at one point you were just very trusting and that you thought, 'OK how can I just go to this new place with no money and nowhere to stay?'Fiona: I didn't...the business wasn't sold until I came back from my travels. They owed me the money. They were supposed to be selling my cameras and selling everything while I was away, and they just basically didn't. So I had to sort of deal with things until I came back. And my house that was rented only rented for a few months rather than for the whole year. So yes.Me: Wow.How travelling can be cheaper than staying at homeFiona: In fact it's cheaper to travel around the world than it is to live in a house and try and support yourself.Me: Whoa, you're kidding! Really?Fiona: No, I mean you stay in backpackers. You've got no material needs, you've got your shorts, your t-shirts, your toothbrush, you bring everything back to real, real basics. So you've got a book, you finish a book, you swap it for another book. It's just cheap. You stay in youth hostels, you meet fantastic people. Some of them obviously an awful lot younger than I was at the time. I was thirty-nine, they were all on their first out of university experience, they were travelling the world finding out who they were. And I didn't do that till later, but...Then you've also got different generations who decide to do it. But staying in youth hostels, they're pretty much...they're a good crowd of people. And when I really kind of left my rucksack in the first place, I locked it up, I tied it up, I did all the things that I thought I had to do. And then I walked out of the youth hostel and I went, 'no, damnit, I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna unlock everything. We're all in the same boat, we're all from different countries, we're all in the same boat. I've been travelling on an open-sided bus in a tent, on ants' nests and all the rest of it. This is not gonna be a problem for me'.A successful mental mindsetSo mental mindset: “I' am not gonna have any problems with anybody touching any of my stuff. I got nothing they want to steal, we're all in the same boat, we've all got like...” We had our old CD players, we didn't have mobile phones and those kind of things then.Me: That's true, yeah.Fiona: And I carried my passport and my money and my tickets with me in a little bumbag as we had then. Everybody was in the same boat and if you're that open and trusting and you believe you're OK, this is very much the work that I do now too funnily enough, but if you have that vibration running through you, you'll be OK. If you have the vibration running through you like...People before I left wanted to say to me, “Oh my God! Really? You're going to this country? Well don't let anybody put anything in your bag” and “don't put your bag out of your sight” and really all their fears they were trying to put onto me before I left.But if you have this kind of like 'Do you know what? We're all in the same boat, we're all wanting to be experiencing travel and different places and different people and food and...Me: Yeah. So then...Wow! I'm still reeling actually from the previous thing you said about it being cheaper to, you know, travel the world and stay all over the place than to stay in one place, you know. I'm going to be thinking about that for a while!On to Reiki trainingBut I know that you said that at some point you started just like doing things for people to kind of pay your way, right?Fiona: Yeah, it wasn't so much to pay my way but it was just to experiment. During my travels I decided that I would finish off my Reiki. That was a funny story as well.So I'd been travelling, I ended up in Cape Town and I decided to go for Reiki because I enjoyed Reiki. And this guy gave me Reiki and I was completely knocked out. When I sort of came round, he said, “Oh something came to me when I was doing your Reiki. If you're interested in pursuing, maybe finishing off your masters or something like that to do with Reiki, I know a very good woman. She lives in Prince Albert.”And he told me where that was and I thought 'well that's kind of up from where my dad lives on the wilderness in South Africa, I could go and see Valentine and have some time with her'.So I thought about it for a while and I rang, and I rang, and I rang, and I remember writing in my journal, “Bloody hell! This woman is impossible to get hold of!”Changing your thought patternsI scrubbed that out and I put “This woman is easy to get hold of”. I did have a phone, beg your pardon, one of the first kind of Nokia phones. She rang me. So imagine – I'd been saying all this time, 'this woman is really hard to get hold of'.Me: Yeah, and of course she was then.Fiona: Just by scrubbing out that whole thought pattern and changing my thought pattern, I'd actually said 'this woman's gonna be...and she's really easy to get hold of'. My phone then rang and she rang me to say, “Great, I've had your messages. When can you come?”Me: Super! Wow!Travelling with the flowFiona: So I was on this roll when I was travelling of trying to be this very open, flowing person who wanted to experience how easy and safe the world was. Rocking up in an airport like in Australia, I hadn't got any Australian dollars, I hadn't got anywhere to stay. It was kind of one o'clock in the morning when we landed. I wanted to find out how easy it was just by allowing myself to feel easy.Me: And so what happened in that Australian airport at one in the morning?Fiona: Oh God it couldn't have been easier! They are so set up. Maybe in another country it would have been harder.So you arrive in the airport and most people had somewhere to stay and they were being picked up by people. I walked in and I thought, 'oh a cash machine, fine, pop my card in, get cash out, that's easy'. By the cash machine there's a desk there, a welcome desk, there's brochures everywhere for youth hostels and everything. And I thought, 'I wonder if I ring them now if anybody would be on the desk, or if I should have to sleep in the airport'. Which I had done before.And so I rang and somebody said, “Yeah, yeah, no problem, we can come and pick you up, we'll see if there's anybody else coming this way. We'll be there in about an hour”. And they were. Super polite, super easy. Picked up my bags, picked me up, took me to the youth hostel in Perth. Got me a room and that was it.Don't plan too much in advanceMe: Wow. So generally you found that that's the way it worked, right? With the trusting and that it would be easy and things just kind of like fell into place?Fiona: I was told before I left by a girlfriend of mine also called Fiona. She said to me, “Don't book too much up in advance because so many things are changing the whole time. Try not to plan too much because if you plan, you're planning out what the universe might have to deliver to you. Something more fun, something more exciting.”Me: Oh yeah, that makes total sense.Fiona: So don't plan too much. I kind of took it from the other point of view, that I'm a planner, I'm a scheduler, I'm a bulldozer. I'll make things happen. And I was really trying to be experiencing from a different perspective. This was my opportunity to really experience that to live in the flow.And that's really what I want to try and do in my everyday life as a mom now as well. Be more open and understanding and intuitive to...'OK so why did that happen then? Why are they ill?' So this is what brought me...OK raw food kind of came in there as well, but it really brought me to sort of try and interpret what I was being shown.And if you happen to get arrested...Me: Yeah. So did you have moments when you were travelling when the flow just stopped? And you started to feel fear or you were just like 'Oh this isn't working” or... If you did, how did you get back into flow?Fiona: Yeah, I'm trying to think about it. I got complacent, I was in Thailand and I stayed longer than I should so I was kind of arrested when I left.Me: Oh my God, you were arrested!Fiona: Yeah, because I'd overstayed my visa. You're only allowed to stay there a certain length of time so when I left, I just handed in my passport. And they pulled me off to this room and they really interrogated me and I'm just like, 'I was just kind of complacent and I didn't really think about it' and “Well I'm leaving now so just let me go!” (laughs)Me: And so what happened? Did they let you go?Fiona: They let me go, but they made me wait it out. I think I missed that flight so I had to get another one or something. Yeah, they wanted to really make a point there that you can't be complacent. So I thought OK... I wasn't really in charge of looking at my dates in that respect.When you have to push a littleAnother time was when I was in Australia. I was coming down the west coast of Australia and it became a bit of a rush. So I knew that my visa ended at a certain date, I had to be in Sydney so that I could get my flight to New Zealand. The people I was travelling with were under no speed whatsoever. So I realized then 'I have to do something, I have to move this forward faster'. Then I became out of the flow and I was very proactive into getting things moving. And I don't know what would have happened if I'd just bummed along, I don't know.Me: Well yeah but I mean, but then you...that was kind of necessary, right?Fiona: Yeah.A Thailand detox adventureMe: Sometimes you have to do that right? And then you said that at one point you said you kind of discovered raw food and detox and you started coaching girls on your travels?Fiona: I did, that was really fun.Me: How did that happen?Fiona: I was in Thailand and I'd done Thai massage, Thai cooking. And I'd said to the girl that I'd met when I was travelling...I said “God, you know we need to be doing something that we would never, ever dream about doing when we went home”. She said, “Yeah I agree, we need to do something that's kind of off the wall”. I said, “Exactly!”I walked into this bar just to order a water and there was a leaflet on the desk that said The Sanctuary. And it was for detoxing. So I took the flyer and I said, “This really, really hits me! Let's go and try this!” I spoke to the guy behind the bar and he said it's a really cool place in Koh Pang Yang.That's where we went and did detoxing, and they had a fantastic raw restaurant. I'd never experienced raw food before. So we did the detox and I learned what I could from Moon, who was the guy who ran the place and the time. I looked at these menus of these foods and of course your tastebuds change when you do a detox. This was a full detox, colon cleanse, doing enemas, coffee enemas and everything else. Met some fantastic people, had some great conversations, we slept a lot.Simple food for radiant resultsWe met all sorts of shamans, all sorts of stuff. And then I realized afterwards that myself and my friend, our bodies had completely changed, our body temperature had changed.In about three weeks after that, we went for two weeks to another island and we did absolutely nothing. We just ate very, very simply, just raw food. So tomatoes and everything. The restaurants there were very confused. We didn't want the Thai food, we just said, “Basic, plain plate of tomatoes, that's all we want”. So we learned how to say that and we were doing that. We radically shifted some weight and we radically...our bodies changed and our whole energy was completely different. I was like, 'geez I like this! I get this! I feel awesome, I feel radiant!' We were just having so much fun!The coaching beginsMe: So then you started coaching girls? To help them...Fiona: Yeah then in the next place I went to I met some young girls. And a couple of them had said, “We're on our last leg”. They were kind of going the other way around the world. And one of them had kind of said, “You know, I'm a nurse and I left that because I wanted to find myself, I wanted to find out what I really wanted to do. And here I am on the last leg of my journey and I don't think I've found myself at all!”Magical questionsI said, “Oh, OK”. So I just started asking her some questions, and I set her some tasks for the evening. I said, “What do you want to do?” And she said, “I've got no idea!” I set her some tasks for example, I think one of them was 'a hundred and one things that make you happy'. How easy. And setting out what her perfect day would include. They were two of the simplest tasks that I thought that she might actually do or might actually enjoy doing.And the next morning when we were kind of...She was leaving and I was just having breakfast. And she was like, “Oh my God!” She said, “I totally get what I wish I'd known before. I know what it is that I want, I know what makes me happy, I know this and I know that and I know the other” and I was like 'oh my God'. And then just other conversations, it just seemed to be natural for me that when I was speaking to somebody...Not telling them what they should do, but kind of like, 'have you ever thought about what it is you'd like to do? What it is...Who you'd like to be, what you'd like to wear? How you'd like to sound, speak? Do you enjoy singing? Dancing? What is it?' All the different things that make you who you want to be.Me: Wow.Fiona: It came from that, really. Just having conversations. Nothing structured, but just allowing people to find out for themselves what they liked about life, about being alive.Finding a travel partnerMe: And then at one point you met your Dutch partner, right? How did that happen?Fiona: Yes, we met in Australia and we just started travelling together. We were going the same route together. Very interesting conversations. He allowed me to be very profound and very deep. And I found something new about myself as well, which normally I would not have had those kind of conversations with people. In a very deep, delving, wondering, curious, inquisitive, wanting to know more. So that was kind of refreshing and probably why we stuck together for so long because we allowed each other to have those kind of conversations. And I found myself a different kind of person. That I didn't agree with everything that he said, or I had an opinion. I found my strength from having those kind of conversations too, I'd had a strong interior. And I found that I knew what I wanted, let's put it that way.Back home and pregnantMe: I know at some point your trip around the world ended. And then you were...you were back at home feeling sad, right? But then you were...you started travelling again when you were three months pregnant, is that right?Fiona: (laughs) Yeah, I got back to my house in Oxford. We stayed there for a while and I'm just like, 'God, I don't want to be here because I'm gonna end up doing what I used to do and I don't want to do that'. The world's a bigger place, you know?So I was three months pregnant, I was age 40, and I said “Right, that's it. We're gonna take a caravan, and we're gonna find somewhere that makes my heart melt. That really fills my heart, that makes me feel fulfilled”.Me: Wow, what did your partner say? Was he surprised? Or was he like 'yup'...Fiona: He was cool for that, he's now back in Holland, he's not here with me in France. He couldn't make it work for himself. But that's OK. So that was it. He said, 'yeah, great! Let's have an adventure'.An adventure to find your ideal homeWe took a caravan and basically I had a tick list of the things that we wanted. So what would you want if you had everything you could possibly imagine? You'd want the sea and you'd want the mountains. And you'd want the outdoor life because South Africa's under my skin. I'd have the plants in the garden, hibiscus plants and palm trees. It would be very green.So we started travelling, you know, down the coastal route of France, and kind of 'does this place? No. This place doesn't feel good. Does this place?' And “How will you know when you find it?” he used to keep saying. “I'll just know, I'll just know”.Me: And so how long were you travelling before you found it? Because most people wouldn't leave when they were three months pregnant, right? Cause they'd be thinking about 'oh my God'...No tests, no scansFiona: I didn't have any tests, I didn't have any scans, I didn't have anything. And I was huge, I had like a huge baseball, like a beach ball stuck out in front of me. My son ended up being five kilos, he was a big boy. But I was a very happy mom, and I was just really, really happy being pregnant and travelling.Me: And so where was he born? Was he born before...Fiona: He was born in Holland. So we stayed here, we found the place, we found Biarritz Saint Jean De Luz. And I imagined us living here what it would be like. We both had tears in our eyes and it just felt so homely, we had left and we'd come back. And when we came back it felt like we'd come home. So it was all feeling-based.Me: Yeah, I'm the same, I'm very feeling-based so I can totally relate to that.No French, no job, no baby knowledge...Fiona: And so then we found the house and then we went back to Holland. We had Micah in Holland, we lived in a holiday home for two months. Micah was my eldest who's now twelve. He was one month old when we moved back here. I knew nothing about babies, I knew zip! Nothing! Nada! I had his sister who helped me go shopping and all the rest of it. And I was breastfeeding and I thought, 'Well what else do I need to know?' I probably sound like such a hippy!Then we came here, we didn't speak French, we didn't have a job, we had a house, a big house. And we had a baby, and my big dog, he was with us as well, Milo. I sometimes wonder how I managed but I used to speak to my spirit animal and for some reason she used to guide me through and make me feel very comfortable and very safe. And that's how I did it.Me: Wow. And then...well, you speak French now, right?Fiona: I don't think I could ever call myself a good speaking French person. I do my best.Me: Well yeah but you make the effort, right? You do what you can, right?Fiona: Oh yeah, I make myself understood. And even funnily enough when we first moved here he would say to me, “What did they say?” I'd say, “I couldn't repeat it, I don't know what they said. But I know it's OK. And we need to do this, this and this”. It was just like an infusion.Me: Yeah, well like it was when you heard people speaking with different accents before, right? That's cool.Fiona: So I was here on an adventure.The world can come to youMe: Well and I know that you said that you kind of had the world come to you, right? Fiona: Correct, correct.Me: So what happened there?Fiona: What a great thing.Me: And how did you start that, actually?Fiona: My partner at the time was trying to work in Holland and travel. And I just said, “This isn't working, let me have a go”. I'd just had my second baby and he'd just stopped breastfeeding. And I opened up Retreat Biarritz, which is basically a detox retreat. I was running it from home, we had two studios that we'd built. People were staying in the studios and I was basically doing for them what I'd learnt to do when I was in the Sanctuary.So basically they're doing three day fast, colon cleanse, learning all about raw food. We did raw food kitchen. Then I used to take them hiking in the mountains, I used to take them to the beach, I took them to the hammam. We took them to the local markets. Just so that they could have a holiday experience while they were here.Me: That's fantastic, that's really great. Wow. So do you still...what do you do now? I know you do a lot of things, but do you still run the retreats now?Detox retreatsFiona: I still run the retreats for small groups of people. Sometimes individuals come, and again from all around the world. I mean I've had ladies from Greece, America, Australia, Russia. And they just find me, God knows how they find me. They come and they go, “I'd really like to come and work with you”. And I'm like, “OK do you just want a detox? I can just do a straight detox for you”.But at some point always the conversation comes up. They're in an old story or they're stuck, you know? 'I used to have a body like this' and 'I don't understand why my body does this'. And then the body whispering seems to sort of come in, and we have that intuitively guided conversation that helps them understand more about their body.Me: So then how does the body whispering work? Can you give us just sort of like a short, I don't know, a little brief idea?How body whispering worksFiona: Oooh, yeah, how does it work! Goodness me! Basically a lot of the ladies who come, they are stuck in a particular story. There's something that they haven't digested emotionally. It could be that they're feeling anger, but then I kind of go beyond that, what's under that. And if you're feeling anger or resentment and things, often what I'm feeling is that people are feeling very disconnected. They're not feeling any connection to other people, but they're not feeling safe.So one of the main things I do is I help them to feel what it feels like to feel safe. And most people, they have no idea what their safe place feels like. When they can discover what their safe place feels like, you've almost got something to back into when things don't feel comfortable for you. When the shit's hitting the fan or you're at a dinner table or there's a conversation going on that you're not feeling comfortable with, you can kind of go, 'hang on a second, where am I?'Tuning into your bodyZone in – some people might call it being centered or whatever, but you zone in and tune into yourself. You get out of your thinking, analyzing, bulldozing head and you get into your body. So you reconnect with your body and you go, 'wow, there I am'.And it's like 'OK so what's kicking off at the moment? Does it have anything to do with me?' And your body is able to kind of respond to you when you understand how your body works. Your body would kind of say to you, “It's got nothing to do with you”.But you can pick up who it is in the room that's really got the energy, the strongest energy in the room that's affecting you. And you can say, 'OK so if that's the person, has what they've got going on got anything to do with me? No. Back off'. You can back off, you can get back in your own energy.How most of us calm our nervesWhat I found was I used to overeat. When I was in the company of my ex particularly. He had a very chaotic mind unless he was focused, he was ultra, ultra focused, but otherwise he was chaotic. Very argumentative, a devil's advocate. But when he was kicking off, I would find that I would overeat because I wanted to shut that off. Me: Oh wow, OK.Fiona: And I calmed down my nerves... The best and the quickest way to calm down your nerves when you're stressed is for a lot of people to eat. When we don't feel safe, we eat. And our body is protecting us by having the chemical reaction that goes on, the hormones that are released in the body, they lay down fat. That's the body protecting itself. Basically the adrenaline and everything that's going on...There are toxins that run through our body, and I didn't realize how overvigilant I was because of my childhood. Certain things that happened there. I didn't realize how overvigilant I was and how aware I was of feeling empathically what was going on around me. So my only way to control that was food.Discovering how you really feelThat doesn't really tell you what body whispering is. Body whispering for me, when I'm on a call with somebody, if I'm talking to them, I'm tuning in to them. So I can teach them how they feel. Basically ninety-nine percent of anybody who's around doesn't have a clue how they feel. They think, 'oh God that doesn't feel nice' but they automatically go into the thing that makes them feel better which is eating. Or drinking, or smoking, or shopping or whatever it is. I concentrate purely with people to do with food.So basically I can connect in with them and I'm saying “OK how do you feel about that situation?” And they go into their heads and they start describing it in mental ways. I'm like “OK fine, now bring yourself into your body because you're mentally describing and giving me mental feedback. Bring it back from your body. What are you feeling in your body?” And often they'll pick something up but I'm able to help them hone in to what the feeling really is so that they can recognize it the next time.Me: Yeah, I get it, you're teaching people basically how to...Fiona: Read their bodies.Me: Read their bodies, yeah. That's very cool.Fiona: And also what's happening to me is that when I'm reading their body... Even over Skype, it doesn't have to be live, even over Skype. I can say, “OK so I'm picking up...So a thought came to me, I've just been asked to ask you this question. What does this got to do with that?” or “Would this resonate with you?” So I'm allowing myself to be open that I'm picking up something for them.A body scan offerMe: Wow. And so I know that you have something pretty cool going on at the moment which is a body scan offer I think. Do you want to say something about that?Fiona: Yeah, I offer people if they're interested to find out what the undercurrent is that's going on through their body. So basically I help people understand the undercurrent that's going on. There's nothing more responsive to your thoughts than your body.That being said, if you don't know what you're thinking, then how can you possibly change your thoughts? So often people are saying mantras or they're saying positive thoughts. But the undercurrent that goes on behind that is often very subconscious. I call it on a soul level, when you have total disbelief on that ever happening for you. It could be to do with money, but I talk to people about their bodies.How it worksSo what I ask people to do if they're really interested is they can come forward and they can have a body scan. I can have half an hour with them, I ask them some questions. They're very kind of open, big questions that allow me to see where they're coming from. And for example what makes them really happy or really sad, and then I can gauge what's going on. I can gauge their stress levels, and I can feed back to them what's going on and what's the most likely reason things are not working for them. Even if they've been dieting and detoxing and exercising for years. But there's something going on in their bodies that they haven't allowed themselves to let go of. They're still hanging onto something and it's hanging onto their body.Me: And so if people want to know more about that, where's the best place for them to find you and to look at that offer?Where to find FionaFiona: OK I have my website which is fionarobertson dot co. And I don't know how we can do that, but...Me: Well I'll link to things in the show notes anyway.Fiona: Yeah, I'll send you a link to the body scan so that people can come through and they can test out the body scan. Basically have a very happy-go-lucky conversation with me. And yeah, just find out a little bit more about who you are and what your body's asking for, funnily enough. What she needs, what she wants and what she's lacking the most. And it's not nutrients on a vitamin and mineral scale, it's nutrients of other descriptions.Me: Wow super, OK. And is that a free consultation, or...?Fiona: Yeah.Me: OK. I thought so, I just wanted to make sure I said it because some people, that's...they'll want to know that. And then, yeah, hopefully...Well I'm sure that there'll be a lot of people interested in that because I mean I just think that's fascinating!Well thank you so much Fiona for being here to share your story!Fiona: Oh, thanks!Shed your baggageMe: It's been quite a...it's certainly given me a lot to think about around... Well around world travel, really, because I love travelling and I have travelled quite a bit. But I'm gearing up to do some more in the future with not very much baggage at all, so that's...Fiona: Oh, so nice to get rid of your baggage! And what a nice analogy as well, get rid of all your baggage!Me: Yup, all kinds of baggage! (laughs)So thank you so much for that inspiration. It's been really great to talk to you!Fiona: Thank you so much for inviting me, thank you so much.Me: You're very welcome, thank you, have a super, super day!The best travel foodRight, so fantastic! I hope you enjoyed that story. And I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you the best travel food that I know. And that food is...dates!Dates are an amazing food. They're easily portable, you can just pop some into a bag and put them in your suitcase. You can even carry them on a plane with you – at least as of today you can still do that. Properties of datesNow in terms of properties of dates, the first thing about dates is that they are amazing for the digestive system. This is because they are one of the best foods for getting rid of parasites. They basically bind onto and then help sweep away all kinds of nasty stuff: parasites, heavy metals, bad bacteria, viruses, fungus and especially Candida. And if you've got a tendency to constipation, dates can help there too.In addition, contrary to what you might think as they're very sweet, they're excellent for helping to balance blood sugar. The fruit sugar that they contain also helps feed the muscles and refuel the brain – so they're a great brain food too. As well as a great food for sport.And if you often feel stressed, dates can help you there as well. They contain almost 70 bioactive minerals that support the adrenals as they work to help us face various life challenges. On top of that, they've got a huge amount of amino acids which elevates their levels of potassium which in turn helps stop formation of excess lactic acid. Another good reason why they're really good for sport, as well as anti-stress.They're also said to be abundant in anti-cancer properties, particularly for abdominal cancer.And because dates are so high in nutrition, they can help with weight control. For example, some Muslims eat dates with water to break a fast before they eat anything else and one benefit to that is that it helps avoid overeating at that first meal which I think is really cool.Why dates are the best travel foodAnother very cool thing about dates is that if like Fiona you want to go on a travelling adventure and you're not quite sure about how you'll find food, some people say that a wrapped up date in your pocket or in your bag can act like a good luck travel charm. It can ensure you'll always find something to eat. Of course yes you can always eat the date itself, but some say that this little fruit can help you find more than that.For those who want to know what exact nutrients dates contain, well there are a lot. But the ones I'll mention here in addition to potassium are calcium, iron, phosphorus, sodium, magnesium and zinc, as well as vitamin K, vitamin A, thiamin, niacin and riboflavin. It's got loads of stuff.How to eat datesAs to how to eat dates, well you just grab a handful, right? Be sure though to remove the pit inside first please, we don't want an impromptu trip to the dentist. And just 4 to 6 dates a day can give you excellent benefits.They're also one of the key ingredients in many recipes for things like energy balls. So for example you can blitz some dates in a food processor with some nuts and maybe a bit of dried coconut for an instant snack. And if you'd like more recipes where you can indulge in their sweetness, I'll post the link to my 5-Minute Desserts recipe ebook below the show notes for this episode. Which brings us to the end of this week's story! I hope you enjoyed it!And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you! If you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one crazy yet true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Desserts and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article on dates including links to studies and other articles: https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/fruit/health-benefits-of-dates.htmlFiona's website: www.fionarobertson.coFor your free Body Scan session, book a time with Fiona here: https://fionarobertson.acuityscheduling.com/Fiona's bioFiona Robertson, Author, Creator of the Home Detox Box, Retreat Biarritz, and a Body Whisperer intuitive holistic coach - supporting women as they release, reset and re connect with their bodies. I assist the body to consciously re constructing itself from the inside out, releasing the emotions and stress that cause the body to hold onto weight and create digestive and long lasting physical symptoms.

Corrina's journey from dating guys to finding a wife...thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you've already found your partner...)In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you've already found your wife or partner).OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.Our guest, Corrina Gordon-BarnesI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships.So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you.Me: Oh well you're so welcome! I love your story and I really can't wait for us to share it with everybody.Corrina's story, starting with being boy madMe: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you...and I've said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner?Corrina: Well, I was boy mad.Me: Boy mad!Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early.I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”.Me: Oh my god!A relationship expert...in primary schoolCorrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don't do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad, and getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me...Me: Sounds familiar, yeah.So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me.Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right?Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17.Me: Wow!We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life... That was the path that I thought I was on at that age.Me: So then what happened to take you off that path?The path to self-discoveryCorrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself.So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan... It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life.Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like 'Oh I think I need to take care of myself more' or become a different person, or...?Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe, and he just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don't you come along”.And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this - “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”.And it was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that's who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I'm a spiritual being”.The layers (or the clothes) fall awayMe: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing...Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off.Me: (laughs) Um...I haven't heard that one before!Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that, and I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being.It was like everything that wasn't true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months.Me: Wow. That's very cool!Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool. I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light. I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful.Me: It's interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that's really interesting.Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment, it was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up.On to Cambridge University...and a fated bus tripMe: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University?Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, I was sat next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just...a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like 'Huh, she's just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?'So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her...I'd already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!”So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice.A brave declarationMe: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later?Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like 'Huh! What is this woman doing to me? What this? What is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier...'Me: Wow!Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized.Me: It sounds like a good, a good...I don't know, I mean, I've never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right?Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of 'switch-on, turn-on, I'm awake, I'm alive, oh my gosh, who are you' kind of thing.Me: Was it the same for her as well?Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I've realized that I'm just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?”Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don't want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did!Corrina: I just did! And that's kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I'm free. You know, I'm free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I'm in love with you, I don't know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn't something that she let herself feel straight away.Determined and keeping faithMe: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out?Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it's not romantic for me”.Me: And how did that make you feel?Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something... it was almost like inside I was going 'You just wait!' (laughs) 'You just wait. I know that you're the one for me, I'll just be patient, I'll just hang on'.Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it.Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this... There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn't ignore it, I couldn't shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where... You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple.And just before Christmas...Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you're friends, it's been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you?Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again.Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it's like 'OK I've already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go'. Right?Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?”Me: Oh my god!Corrina: “I still feel this thing...” and she again was like “No really, we're just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought 'You know what? I'm just gonna take a risk again, I'm just gonna be bold. What's the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What's the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life'.Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so...Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm...Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago.What was she thinking?Me: And so what did she, like...You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like 'oh I didn't know until you touched me' or was she like 'oh I realized it at the same time as you' or was she...Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like 'oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it'.Me: And that's what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you?Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she's gay and I'm bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says 'I'm in love with you', there's gonna be a sense of 'hmm, OK maybe you're just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you're gonna want to be with guys'Me: Yeah, I've heard that, yeah.Corrina: So it's a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don't know what's gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul.Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know?Corrina: Yeah.Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don't know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right?Corrina: Yeah, no she's gay through and through.Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs)How relevant is gender, anyway?Corrina: Well that's the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it's not about the fact that I like men and women, it's the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant.And that's kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it's our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn't have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings.Me: That's amazing because I feel the same way. It's kind of weird how that works, right? It's kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn't the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It's like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It's not that I want your soul, it's that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right?And I think that you know, some people... I mean, credit to Sam as well because she's obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like 'oh well...it's the real me here that's being...I don't know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people...we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so...That brings a level of intimacy that's probably quite cool I would imagine, right?Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don't get me wrong, I love that she's a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it's not like I don't see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for...The spectrum of sexualityMe: Yeah. I mean it's really interesting because I...for me, I'm sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who...Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she's in a playback theater troupe where they're all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was...I just thought it was really cool. They said 'put yourself...if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are'. And it was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we're all...for me, anyway, in my mind we're all spiritual beings and so as you say, there's no gender there, right?Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that's the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they're really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful.What Corrina does nowMe: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how... (laughs)...how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you're helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs)Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely!Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships?Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it's...my clients, some of them it's really about their partner relationship but for others it's about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother.For me, connection...it's a kind of cliche but connection is what we're hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this.And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it's the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection.An example of our made-up storiesSo let's say I'm with Sam and let's say she's saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, 'she's criticizing me, she doesn't love me, she's being mean to me'. You know, 'I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws', all of that. That is all story. It's all mental. It's all...Me: Yes! It's all made up.Corrina: It's all made up! And we don't realize it, we think, 'no but this is true, she's criticizing me, this is what's happening'. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, 'Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what's going on?' Not just is it true that that's what's going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently?Me: OK...Corrina: Like am I sure? So let's say your loved one is truly critizing you. They're saying to you “you're a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I'm always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It's like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way.Our rules...and our scriptsMe: Yeah, it's like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more...the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right?Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It's like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn't be happy, I'd be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don't you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you're meant to do, you're my wife, this is how you're meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like 'oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what's reality, I am causing my own unhappiness'.Corrina's 'big work'Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from...I don't want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam?Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn't be doing this work if I hadn't had to...if this hadn't been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. 'Hmmm, well she's not this' and 'hmmm, she said that and that's not OK' and 'would I be better off with someone who did this' and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it's like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories.Me: Yeah. It's good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right?Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship.A daily practiceMe: And did it take a long time?Corrina: Yeah, it's a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it's like if you want to be fit, like you've done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don't just be like 'oh I'll do it one time and then it's done'. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it's your son or your dad or your sister, there's daily practice to do. There's daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you've got something to look at there.Me: Yeah, but at least you can...I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what's happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go 'OK hang on, I'm doing this again, this is my script'. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren't even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit... well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right?Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you're completely spot on.When you get triggeredAnd you know, now I'm at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I'm on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like 'oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something'. Right? Instantly, 'oh! OK, there's a trigger! A button's gotten pushed'. And now I'm at the point where I'm like 'Oooh, good, what's here for me?'Me: I do the same thing, that's really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I'm like 'OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it's quite cute...' (laughs)We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authorsI'll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she's like 8 years old and she's written a book. Actually she's written 3 books, right?Corrina: Wow!Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought...you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite.So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like 'oh isn't that wonderful' and I was like inside going 'this is making me so angry!' But we all get triggered, don't we, right?Examples of tiny triggersCorrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that's what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can't bring this to you today, it's just so small” and I'm like “No, no, that's exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she's committing against you in that moment that's kind of violating something is like, you know, 'she's further ahead than me' or 'she's achieved one of my life goals' or, you know...Me: Yeah, and she's 8 and I'm 55!Corrina: And she's 8! It's just to be so compassionate with ourselves that 'oh look, there's this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself'.Being compassionate with yourselfMe: Ah, yeah, that's a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of...what's the word, forced smile on our faces, going 'Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform', you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like 'OK what's at the bottom of this!' and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that's what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That's a really interesting point that we don't want to forget. Wow! That's very cool.How to work with CorrinaSo when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you...Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work?Corrina: Yes, so right now it's one to one. There's a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they're wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I'm just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I'm unable to physically meet with.Me: Yeah. That's really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I'll do is, I'll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where's the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you're doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things?An online video library...and a 7 Day Relationship ChallengeCorrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I'll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that's where I've got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that's a really good place just to go, it's like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you.The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go 'oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!' And they apply that tip that I'm sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you...” I do like challenges in the video so they're like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!”Me: That's brilliant!Corrina: It's so good, it's so satisfying. So on the blog page that's where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge.7 days to feel more connectedMe: That sounds intriguing for sure!Corrina: Yes! It's 7 days to feel more connected, that's the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way.Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we're all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right?Corrina: Facebook!Me: Facebook! There's so many...it's a massive, massive topic but...so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you're doing right now, so I'm really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much!Corrina: You're very welcome, thank you so much!A food to help with travel sicknessSo now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is...ginger!Ginger has so many benefits it's ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it's also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well.Why ginger is so helpfulSo this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They're part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom.Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right?And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it's a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it's so good to have ginger tea if you've got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins.Ginger even helps with pain reliefBut did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you're feeling crampy (I don't know if that's a word but I've just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel.Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis.I'll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger's many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you'd like to know more about that. And in addition I'll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger.So how do you eat ginger?If you're feeling nauseous and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece...although I haven't done that myself. Ginger's pretty strong stuff.What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it's got a really strong flavor.Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea.And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys.I'll link in the show notes to some recipes that I've got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry.One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it's always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger!If you do try something new with ginger, definitely share in the comments because I want to know!Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you!Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/265990.phpArticle with general tips to help with travel sickness: http://mentalfloss.com/article/78131/9-scientifically-proven-ways-prevent-motion-sicknessCorrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.Corrina's website: http://corrinagordonbarnes.com Corrina's Feel More Connected: a FREE 7-day Relationship ChallengeCorrina on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube

Jessica Louise Li shares how she went from being in an abusive marriage to creating a legacy with a new love of her life using what she calls the path of Sensational Sex.And at the end of this episode I'll share with you a little food that I bet you don't know is a powerful libido booster – as well as another food that you definitely want to avoid, because it acts like a cold shower of toxicity!Our guest, Jessica Louise LiI am very excited to be joined here today by Jessica Louise Li. Jessica is a former raw food chef who now teaches women how to use the power of sex energy to unleash self-expression in both the bedroom and in business. Now I don't know about you, but that alone would get me very excited. But she's got a lot more to share with us today, so let's get started!Me: So Jess welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm super excited to have you here!Jess: Yes, thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to those tips you have at the end.Me: Yeah, let's see how that turns out! We'll see if you know them – including the toxic one.I'm really glad we're able to do this because we've known each other for quite a while. So I already know your story, but I love it and I think it's quite a powerful one. You went from such a place of hardship to a place of lightness and joy. I think people will be very inspired to know how you went from one to the other, and what it was like for you.I know that for a while you had a bit of a rough time because you were in a bit of an abusive relationship. Do you want to say a little bit about that? Because I think that's where your story starts, if I'm not mistaken?Jess: Yeah definitely.Jessica's storySo I was married for 10 years – I mean it was 14 years in the long run. But it was 10 years into the marriage where things started to accumulate more and more.An abusive marriage from day 1It always...from day 1 it was mentally abusive, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive...There were 5 times when he put his hands on me and of course as we know, one time is more than enough.It wasn't until almost 10 years into the marriage where he had actually tried to take my life.My husband had actually tried to kill me as my 3 children were sleeping upstairs.Me: Oh my God, how old were your children?Jess: They were 7, 9 and 11...or actually no, that was 2010...The kids are 2 years apart so they were 3, 5 and 7.Me: Wow.Jess: They were really young.And I know that's the hard run of the story, but...I want to share it like that because that's an experience. As dramatic and as crazy and wild as it may seem to some people, it's something that I happened to experience in life. But I know that that doesn't define me.A journey tooIt's really the journey of what I experienced back then to what I am now. And that's what I'm really here for, it's the inspiration, it's the whole picture. It's not just that one incident.Me: Exactly. If people were to look at your life now, when people see what you're doing now, it's amazing. I know that you'll say a bit more about that later but it's kind of hard to imagine that you started from that kind of place. Jess: Yeah, totally. I guess that's a testament to how far I've come. It was something that was really horrifying and I wouldn't wish it on anyone for sure.Married to a killer (literally)But here's the thing: when I was in that relationship, I knew that it was wrong. Deep down I knew that I shouldn't be in there. But the thing is that I was living in so much fear, and I didn't feel like I had the resources to be able to leave him.On top of that he was someone who was involved with the gangs, so I was in fear of him having someone follow me. Or, you know, because he was in that lifestyle, he had no qualms about coming after me or trying to kill me.Like when he said he was going to kill me, I like 100% believed him.Me: Wow.Jess: Because he had killed people before. And I can say that freely now only because he passed away. He died suddenly 3 years ago, it's been almost three years now.Living in fearOne of the biggest secrets that I couldn't tell – and I think even when I met you, I couldn't say my whole story. So maybe it's perfect timing now that we're doing this interview!There's only so many details that I could say, right? It's not about ratting him out or like trying to show off, even if you'd consider that showing off. But it's to highlight that I was living in so much fear that every night I knew that I was laying in the arms of someone that has killed before.People ask me, “Why didn't you leave earlier?” A lot of people say that about abused women, 'why do you stay' or 'I don't get why you're still with him'. And I think it's not until or unless you're in that situation that you really understand why a woman stays. Like I said, of course I knew it was a bad thing. As my kids were growing up, I knew that I didn't want my daughter to see that it was OK for a man to hit her and for her to go back. And vice-versa, I didn't want my son to think it was OK for him to put his hands on a woman and then she comes back and all is great.So I had to be mindful of that. When they were younger there was so much that I could get away with, but as they got older they started to mimic certain behaviours. They started to see my ruses, they started to ask “Why does Mommy have a black eye?”The turning pointIt just got to the point where you know what? This was enough. And yeah, unfortunately it got to the night where he attacked me and tried to kill me.Me: And was that the turning point?Jess: That was the turning point, because I was on the sofa, and without going into too much detail... One of the ways he tried to kill me...He was huge, he choked me twice unconscious on the sofa.So I had three thoughts. One, that my parents would find my body here. Two, that my children wouldn't have their mother. And three, that this isn't fair, I didn't get to do everything that I wanted to do.  It was the third thought that was the catalyst. That was what made me want to take my own life, after healing, and create something that was for me. To create the life of my dreams. And to do something that was gonna benefit my kids - I was gonna be happy.I didn't want to waste time, and I didn't want to life my life for someone else. Now I wanted to live my life for me.The scariest momentActually I was very fortunate, because he had stabbed me after I had regained consciousness. He had actually stabbed me in the head.Me: In the head?!Jess: He did, yeah. And I know it's crazy and it was the scariest moment. I mean, the whole night was crazy. Crazy scary. Me: Well it's amazing that you survived!Jess: Yes, but do you know what though Barbara? If you believe in it...I do... it was divine intervention.Face to face with a knifeWhat happened was he had picked up the knife, it was a big stainless steel kitchen knife. He came towards me and he was 6, 6 feet 1 and 270 pounds at the time. Mostly muscle, a big guy. And I'm like 5 feet 4, 5 feet 5, a 140 pounds, 135 pounds.He came to me, basically we were like face to face and he picked up the knife and I shut my eyes and I was hoping that it wasn't going to hurt too much.I was like 'wow, this is the last scene I'm going to see before I die'.And I shut my eyes and I squeezed my eyes so tight, and I was just braced for the knife. I felt the knife go in and out of my scalp really fast. It was really creepy.All of a sudden he backed off. I tried to deflect the knife for one or two seconds and he backed off and I thought this was weird, I was just in so much shock.After he had already punched me, after he had already broken a chair over me, after he'd choked me unconscious twice, and now he'd just stabbed me...my adrenaline was just pumping and all of a sudden he just stopped out of nowhere so I was in a huge state of shock. Then on top of that I was like 'what the heck? What's going on?'So I actually thought he was going to go get...I knew that he had a gun in the house and I thought he was going to go get that.Divine interventionAnd it wasn't till later that I realized when I talked to him that he has a rosary. Usually as you know you don't wear rosaries. But he had his decked out in diamonds, and he made it fancy. So he was wearing his rosary at the time, and it snapped, it broke. He had owned it for years, maybe like 8 years up to that point or so. It broke, and he told me that's what snapped him out of his rage, because when the rosary snapped it took him out of what he was doing to me and he was like 'What the f am I doing?' So I keep that piece with me to this day, I have it in my room. I've done talks when I've spoken in front of organizations and young girls, I've showed it to them. Because that's what saved me. If the rosary hadn't broken at the time, I don't know whether I'd be here talking to you.Me: Wow. Whoof! Jess: Yeah.Me: It's such a powerful story that I'm kind of glued to my chair. I'm kind of like wow, where do you go...Getting out fastSo how did you leave? Was it after that night that you just like left? Did you take your kids? Did you go somewhere?Jess: So after he had left, I guess what he did was he left, he took off in one of our cars because we had two family cars. And as soon as I knew he was gone, I ran upstairs like a madwoman. This must have been like 3 in the morning so the kids were asleep. Thank goodness they didn't wake up and they didn't witness any of this.I ran upstairs, they were all sleeping in one room and I grabbed them and I said “Hurry, hurry guys, we've gotta go, something bad happened”. And they were like, “What's going on?” They were groggy...So I grabbed some blankets, some toys, I threw them in the car...And I literally just threw everyone and got myself out of there so fast, cause I thought he was gonna come back and that was my only way to escape.At one point he said “Do you wanna leave?” And I knew that as a mother I wasn't going to leave 3 kids at home. I didn't think that he would harm them, but as a mother I needed to protect them and I needed to know that they would be OK.So yes it was risky, I knew I was risking my life by staying, but heck, my kids! I grabbed them and I put them in the car, and we left. He didn't come back.Being brave, or a bit nutsAnd I was scheduled to work that night. Two nights of the week I slept over there which was that night. It was crazy because I was trying to be tough, right? So I drove back there with the kids and I wrote a message to him as I was bleeding, saying “I'm so sorry I had to leave early, I'll be back in the morning to finish working”. That was nuts!I got back in the car and I drove to my employer's place. So I was working as a caregiver and her son had hired me to take care of her. Two nights out of the week I slept there and it was that night. I took the kids and I had some skin hanging off of my hand from one of the knife wounds and I looked at the kids and I was like, “Oh man, what am I gonna do now?” And I didn't want to go to the police, I didn't want to go to the hospital because I was afraid they were gonna take my kids away.Me: Oh!When even the police let you downJess: So the last time... I had moved from Ontario which is more on the eastern side of Canada from British Columbia which is on the west coast of Canada.When I lived in British Columbia my husband had threatened me at one time in the past. He didn't do anything but he said that he would kill me. And I had enough courage to go to the police back then.And crazy enough Barbara, they said... I walked up with my two year old at the time and my son who was in a baby carrier. So I walked up the steps and I told them what happened. I said my husband threatened to kill me and it was a female police officer.She said, “Do you have family in the city?” and I said, “Yeah”. Then she said, “Who is it?” and I said, “My uncle”. She said, “Here's the phone” and she hands me the rotary phone and she says, “If you don't call him right now and tell him what happened, I'm gonna have your kids taken away from you”.Me: Oh my God! That's awful!Jess: And I thought... I had gathered so much courage to get to the police! Because in that lifestyle, you're always trained to think of the police as someone that you'd never, ever speak to, you know, that's a bad thing. But I had the courage to go there when he wasn't home, and here she tells me this. Hiding in the hospitalI bawled. I cried – and I thought, “If the police can't help me, nobody can”. So that was the experience I had going into this situation. And I thought, “I can't have my kids taken away from me”. So I was just looking at my wounds going, “Maybe I can get some bandages”.I got some bandages and I was like, “No, this is not gonna work!” So I went to the hospital and I left my kids in the car, and I felt bad.But I went in and I said, “You know, I got this wound from chopping vegetables” and she said “Right handed?” and I said “Yeah” and she said “Hmmm, tell me what really happened because you don't hurt your right hand chopping vegetables with your right hand”.Well she knew, and they're trained to look for these things. I told her, and I told her I didn't want to press charges. And it actually wasn't until 3 months later that he got arrested, and it was because I was seeing a psychologist for some counseling to help me work through some things, and she was the one that said, “You know, just enquire at the police station what would happen if you wanted to report him. Don't say you want to, just enquire”.Me: That's a good idea.More guidance and helpJess: So I drove my way to work one day, and him and I, we were... we thought we would work things out, and things were going okay. And I was like, “See you guys later, I'm gonna go to work now.”Then on my way to work, something just took my hand. As if something just took my hand and made me turn the steering wheel the opposite way. I drove to the police station and I said, “Look, this is what happened to me. What would happen if I reported this?”She comes back and she says, “Let me talk to my supervisor”. And she came back to the front and she said, “Now that the ball is dropped we have to go and arrest him”.I freaked because I said, “You can't arrest him. He's going to come and kill me now!” And she said “I'm sorry, we have to go and get him. We have to bring him in”.I said, “I've got kids, my kids are with him”. They promised that they wouldn't see him getting arrested. Unfortunately my older daughter did see that and that's traumatized her since.The staying, leaving cycle...So yeah, that's how I got out of it. And the funny thing is with abuse – and I think this is an important conversation because there's a lot of people who have gone through domestic abuse. Men and women. There's a lot that don't talk about it, or they don't recognize it. And I know that a lot of men and women, they go back to their abuser and then something happens, right? It's that whole cycle of staying, leaving, staying, leaving. That's what happened to me.So even though he got arrested, I continued to see him for about 4 or 5 months after, going to the jail, saying that I would recant my statement. I would bring the kids to the jail and I would say “Let's work this out” and I really did mean it.Family men to the rescueAnd then it wasn't until I finally got to my lawyers and I told them what happened, and they were like “OK, from this day forward, you cannot go to the jail”. They told me, they shared their reasons that they saw my husband as not a good husband and not a good father.This was coming from men that were family men. At the time I never had male role models to look to. So to have them say that, it put something in me where I was like, “Holy crap, maybe, maybe they're right”. You know?They made me promise, they said “If we're going to work together, you cannot go back there”. And the guy that I was working for said “Look, you've started something, you need to finish it”.So I was lucky that I had those pillars in my life to hold me to that, because left to my own devices, I would have just taken him out of jail, recanted my statement and I don't know if I would be here today. And my life wouldn't be where it's at today. That's how I got out of it.Like I said, looking at my kids going “I can't have them look at me as a role model and going back to an abusive situation”. And that catalyst, that moment I had on the sofa, right? Going 'this isn't fair, I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do'. I'm taking the reins back on my life.The healing beginsMe: And so you must have gone through quite a long process of...I don't know, did you do counseling? What kinds of things did you do to start to, I guess sort of change your world view, or just you know, heal things in yourself to enable you to move forward?Jess: So the psychologist that I was talking about, the police referred me to them because part of the victim services and I don't know if they have that where you are. But they only allow 10 sessions with a psychologist and after that you have to pay and it's really expensive. So I thought any help I can get is awesome, and there was one group I had for mothers and children of abuse. Myself and my youngest two went, my oldest didn't want to go. And after that, honestly it was mostly self work and that's what really shot me into this world of spiritual enlightenment if you want to call it that.I was never someone that I would have considered spiritual before this incident. And I'm grateful for what happened to me because it allowed me to really go deeper into myself and just ask myself.Looking inside and pleasing yourselfYou know, as I was healing physically, I had the time thank goodness to just heal. Like in a great spot with trees and the forest around me and animals. And I would just look outside every day and go “What would  make me happy? What does Jessica want?” That was hard for me because I had lived my life for so many years trying to please somebody else. And I lost who I was, I lost my self expression. I was not allowed to talk to certain people, my friends and family were cut off, so I had to find me again.And so like I said, most of it was work that I did by myself and on myself, and when I was ready, then I started to talk to some people and I started to network after I made the decision, “You know what? I'm going to start a business”. I think that was about the time that I met you, you know, doing the whole raw food thing. Me: Yeah, I remember, yeah.A new career, and maybe a new man?Jess: Yeah, because I became a raw food chef. Because I decided, “You know what? I'm going to go down to New York City, I'm going to train as a raw food chef”.I came back and started a catering company here in Toronto and that's pretty much the time when I had met you. And I thought I would continue my journey that way, and it wasn't until this further journey, a couple of years went by that I said to myself...I knew that I wanted a new love in my life, and what was funny was, and I know that you can relate to this as an entrepreneur because there are so many things on your plate...And I said to myself, “You know what? I want my business to get to a certain level before I start dating again”.Me: That's what I've said to myself! (laughs)Jess: I was cool with that, but then I was like “Wait a second. I could be totally be cutting off the guy that's made to be there in my life.” And when I made that decision, I just declared to the universe that I'm giving this up. If the guy is out there, so be it, I can work through this with my business at the same time”.And really, like within the next two or three months, I met Michael!Enter the relationship coachMe: Wow! How did you guys meet?Jess: So we met at a trade show. He was doing relationship coaching at the time for women, so he was helping women find a great partner. He still does some of that work as well, so he helps women find a really great partner and keep a really good relationship.So he had just released his newest book at a women's trade show in Toronto. I was walking between the aisles and I was like “I know you, I recognize this name from somewhere” and he said, “You do?” And we realized we both belonged to the same entrepreneurial group online.But what was funny was he was in a relationship at the time and I was going into a relationship. So it was one of those like 'here's my business card' and there was some attraction there and then there was no contact at all for 5 months.Dating adviceAnd then one of my friends invited me to a concert that a friend was holding. I showed up early and Michael showed up, and I'm like, “What are you doing here?” So we didn't know that we had the same mutual friends, but the universe is so funny how it works. But he showed up that night, and he was there with his girlfriend, he was waiting for his girlfriend but he came early and I came early, so we just started chatting.And I shared with him where I was at, I was getting out of the relationship that I was previously in. I said, “I know you're a relationship guy, here's the deal, what's up with this guy?”He gave me some dating advice and he said “There's nothing wrong with you, look, I do some matchmaking. Tell me what you're looking for”. And I told him. Sneakily enough, I didn't find out until later, he broke up with his girlfriend that same night!Knowing what you wantSo you know, we were Facebook messaging each other. And I said, “Well if I get too specific, here's a general idea of what I'm looking for in a guy”. Then I said, “You know what? Scratch that, here's my specifics”. And I went very specific, and I guess that on the other side he was like “Oh my goodness, this is me, I'd have everything!”He didn't tell me that, he said, “Awesome, I think I know someone for you. Can you meet me downtown for tea next week?” And I said, “Yeah, sure”. So we met and about an hour, an hour and a half talking, I said, “Where is this guy?” Because I was expecting this guy to show up. And he's like, “OK so you know that guy I was telling you about? Yeah, it's me!”Me: Oh, it's like something out of movie, out of a romcom, right?Jess: Totally! And it wasn't until that moment, until that day, that I found out that he broke up with his girlfriend back at the concert. Like once I know someone's in a relationship, to me they're categorized as off-limits.Me: Yes, of course.Jess: I didn't think that, you know, that it was gonna be him at all. And when he got that he was like 'My ex-girlfriend thinks you're really pretty'. And I'm like 'OK so the girl before this girl? I don't get it'. He said 'Oh, she's no longer my girlfriend, we broke up' and I'm like 'Ohhh...' and that's when it totally clicked in.Friends with benefitsSo we started seeing each other just for sex and he knew I had needs and I wasn't looking for anything serious right now so I was like, “Yeah, sure”. I had a couple of rules and one of them was 'We don't tell anyone about this' so for like 5 or 6 months I would go to his house and I would leave the kids because I had kids at home and he doesn't have kids. And I would drive 45 minutes each way just to go and have sex with him, twice, sometimes three times a week, and we would do this for 5 or 6 months.Then of course feelings started to...We started talking more, and then one day he goes, “I know this is crazy, but do you want to go out on a date?” After like 5 or 6 months of sleeping together, 'do you want to go out on a date'. And yeah, things just went from there, that was 2 and a half years ago and we're getting married in a few months!Me: That is so cool! You seriously have to...that has to be made into a movie, that just has to happen.Jess: Well what's funny about that is there's actually a producer who heard about my story and he wants to make a movie out of my life, so maybe we'll stick that in there.Me: Yes! You have to stick that in there!ForgivenessJess: Yeah, that's where we're at right now and life is just incredible. And see, the thing is after my husband tried to kill me, it took me some time but I forgave him and I got to verbalise that to him before he passed away.He was impressed by my healing and my journey, and he was like “Wow, sweetheart I'm so happy for you, maybe one day you can help me get to where you are”.Me: Oh wow. That must have been...How did you feel when he said that?Jess: Just chills! And it was also because we met up, we weren't talking to get back together. We met because he's the father of my kids but there was no talk of us getting back together. So we had the best communication just before he died, funnily enough. Should I stay or should I run?After they released him from jail, after he got out of jail for what he did to me... Oh by the way I completely freaked out when he was released, I was ready to run. My mom said, “Look, if you need to run and hide, you just run and wherever you are, you just tell me where you are and you're safe.” Like I was ready to take my kids in the car and just, like...Honestly, Barbara, I was Googling things like 'how to become a refugee in Australia'. I was looking for ways to escape Canada. And then I just came to the point where I was like, “If I start running now, I'm going to be running for the rest of my life”.I had a friend who when I was attacked...she's very spiritual and I wasn't there yet. But she said to me, “Jessica, you just need to trust” and I said “No” and in my mind I was like “Are you f-ing crazy? Do you know who... He's gonna come get me!” She grabbed my hand and she was like, “You just need to trust. You just need to trust”.Giving up fearAnd I totally didn't understand that at all back then, and it wasn't till later till I was just like, “I need to just trust, and everything is going to work out. The universe is going to support me. I don't know how, but I just need to give up this fear that I have”. So I decided to stay in Canada.The first conversation I had with him, it was the first time I'd talked to him since I'd left him in jail. Because he was livid when he found out that I'm not going to get him out of jail and recant my statement. I mean he was absolutely livid, he was ready to send someone to kill me. He told me this afterward, but luckily he had the time to just cool off.So when he first got out of jail, I didn't know how he was gonna react. I'm like, “This could be the worst mistake of my life or this could be the best thing”. And I just knew that the first conversation I had with him, I just had this huge feeling rush over me like 'everything is going to be fine, everything is going to be good'. I can't explain, it was just a knowing.And things just blossomed from there. Like I said, not to get back together, we were going our own ways but we were in conversation so it was a big shock that his dad called me one day and just said, “I'm so sorry, he passed away this morning”. He wasn't even sick.A huge shockMe: How did he die?Jess: He died of an overdose, and they thought it was a heart attack because 95% of his arteries were blocked in his heart. But the toxicology report said that it was an overdose and he wasn't someone to do drugs. I think what it looked like was some of the pills he was taking were laced with fentanyl, which is... There's a huge problem in British Columbia with a lot of people dying from fentanyl. They're lacing Fentanyl into other drugs currently.So it was a huge shock, a huge shock. I was driving down the street in Toronto with my youngest daughter and I just collapsed. I had to get out of the car and I collapsed. Then I was screaming, like “Why!” And I had so much of this 'you just left me here and I've got these 3 kids, but... You know, I see signs of him all the time. So even though he did that to me, I still talk to him all the time. And I ask him to look after the kids and support them and look after me, and I know that he's in a better place to be able to support me.Me: That's just what I was gonna say.Taking responsibility to empower yourselfJess: Yeah, totally. And the thing is, I could have gotten hung up on 'I was abused, this happened to me...' Trust me, I've had many more reasons than we've talked about here to keep myself in a place of victimhood and blaming everyone else. But instead what I did was take responsibility.Even when before...you know, we didn't get a chance to talk about gang rape, but in my younger years when I was gang-raped, I took responsibility for my part. Not to excuse them, but there was a certain responsibility that I had to take for myself, and the same thing with my husband.So going back and taking responsibility in those areas really got me empowered, and then, you know, people encouraged me more and more to share my story. And the more I did, the more women would stand up and say 'this has happened to me'. The more I did that, the more I realized that I have a powerful story to share. I can inspire others, hence this podcast.From sharing to teaching to rocking out seminars!And you know I've just realized that the raw food that I was doing before, it's funny how the universe has its plans. It wasn't until I met Michael and we were having this incredible sex... We had a lot of experience prior to meeting each other, but this was something different. One day he was joking around, he said, “You know, this is so great, we should teach this to people”. I said “Yes, we should!” And he's like, “Really? Cause I was just kinda kidding”.But within 5 months of that idea, we sold out our first event in Toronto and we just rocked it. It was amazing! And we have our 7th one coming up pretty soon here. Me: And those are your Sensational Sex Seminars, right?Jess: Exactly, yeah. Hopefully one day soon we can bring it to the UK.Me: You have to bring it to the UK because I want to come!Jess: Yeah!The power of sexual energySo what happened too was my sexual energy, when I was younger I always had this innate feeling of...I don't know what you want to call it. I knew what sex was or sexual feelings before a child should even know what that stuff is. And I couldn't put my finger on it as a kid, but as I got older, people would shame me and I would feel repressed. I felt like I had to shut off that side of me.What I realized was I was cutting off my sexual energy and I completely lost that when I was married. Of course we had sex, but I wasn't in the flow, I wasn't embracing my feminine energy. I didn't know about masculine and feminine energies and honoring them both within each of us, within myself and within my partner.It was the gift that I got afterwards with being with Michael that I discovered how powerful sexual energy is. Because sex energy is how we all got here, it's life energy. It runs every area of our life, it permeates into everything that we do, the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we do business, it's all sexual energy. If we can really tap into that, our life will be remarkably powerful. And that's what I want to spread right now, because I regained my power, my real power, by tapping into, by reclaiming my sexual energy. How to find JessicaMe: Wow! Now I think there's a lot of... I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who would love to know how to do just that. So how do people find you? Because I know that you help a lot of women with precisely that, so where's the best place for them to find you?Jess: The best place right now would be to go to my website, so it's www.jessicalouiseli.com and Louise is l-o-u-i-s-e and Li is l-i because some people ask, so jessicalouiseli dot com.Me: Yeah, I'll link to that in the show notes as well, so... Wow that is fantastic, and yes, you've got to bring the Sensational Sex Seminar to the UK so let me know what I can do to help make that happen!Jess: Definitely! We'll chat!Me: Well, thank you so much for coming onto the podcast and for sharing your absolutely incredible story. I think the image of you with the broken rosary is going to stay in my mind for quite a while, that's really something.Jess: You're welcome!A great libido boosterNow I did mention at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a little food that I have a feeling you may not know can boost your libido – as well as one food that you definitely want to avoid.So as far as aphrodisiacs go, you may be thinking chocolate, right? And yes, chocolate does have lots of substances that give us some feel-good chemicals, but most of us know that. I'm not going there.The food that I'm talking about is...blackberries!Benefits of blackberriesYes, blackberries. Both the berries themselves as well as their seeds are great libido boosters, according to Drs. Anna Maria and Brian Clement, who are the directors of the Hippocrates Health Institute in West Palm Beach, Florida. This is because blackberries are so rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants that they just have a very powerful effect on our wellbeing.Blackberries have lots of other benefits – including helping to relieve PMS and hot flashes, helping with bone health, keeping your hair clean, helping prevent memory loss and loads more. In fact there are way too many benefits to list here, so I'll link to an article in the show notes where you can read about it if you want to.How you use blackberriesHow do you eat blackberries? Well, this is easy. You pick up a big handful, about 10 berries, and that should do the trick! Or sprinkle them on cereal or a fruit pudding. Just don't have them with dairy because dairy is another food that cuts our libido short. It's very clogging, and we don't want clogged bodies, right? We want everything to be working at its max efficiency!Now blackberries are delicious on their own, but if you'd rather have them with a gorgeously tasty yet healthy dessert, I've got loads of recipes that would go really well with blackberries in my 5-minute dessert recipes ebook which I'll link to below as well.One of the top foods to avoidRight, so I have to tell you one of the top foods to avoid. I can't help it, especially because it's famous for being an aphrodisiac. And that food is oysters!Oysters are high in zinc which has been linked to the creation of hormones, but unfortunately oysters, like other bottom-feeders in the ocean, absorb a lot of toxins and parasites. And those toxins far outweigh any benefit you might get from the zinc. Oysters are not a love food, they are a toxic food!So I hope you've enjoyed our story and our foodie tips!Have YOU got a story to share?And if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your situation),  I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESJessica's website: www.JessicaLouiseLi.comArticle on foods that boost (and inhibit) libido: www.fitnessmagazine.com/mind-body/sex/libido-boosting-foods/Benefits of blackberries: www.valuefood.info/1292/health-benefits-for-blackberries5-Minute recipe ebooks: rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes 

Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel shares her story of how she went from an abusive relationship, to losing her job, to freedom in Antarctica. Plus my favorite warming ingredient that you can add to your food AND put on your body, with surprising results.Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:From Abuse and Divorce to Freedom in AntarcticaIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best ingredients you can add to your food when it's cold outside. And you don't have to just use it for food. You can actually add it to something that has nothing to do with food and that I know will surprise you. The best part is that when you do that, nobody has to know!OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story. I am very excited to be joined here today by speaker and visionary Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel, author of the book 'Antarctic Odyssey a New Beginning'.In her own words, Gabriella is A Woman of the 21st Century, Author, Speaker and Female Cycle Consultant and she's got a fascinating story to share with us today, complete with whales, seals and penguins as well as her own life lessons learned.So Gabriella welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Gabriella: Hello Barbara, thank you so much for this opportunity.Me: You're so welcome! I love your story because you overcame some really difficult situations and then you went on to do some amazing things, so I think that people will really enjoy it.Can you tell us – I mean, I know that now you do all kinds of wonderful, beautiful things, but it wasn't always like that, right? I think at the beginning you were talking about a relationship that wasn't exactly ideal for you. Is that the best place to start?Gabriella's storyGabriella: Well I suppose it's the best place to start because to be totally honest, I think that whenever a story starts, meaning an intimate relationship story, nobody really plans to go into something that is not nice.The honeymoon comes, everything's fantastic, but then both the characters start pouring into the relationship their own characteristics, their agenda, their baggage... It becomes like a bit of a murky puddle.Me: I know what you mean, yeah. It doesn't sound like a good thing to have, a murky puddle! I know that it didn't start out as a murky puddle. And I know that you're originally from Italy, right?Gabriella: Yes, I was born in a city called Turin in the northwest part of Italy, at the foot of the Alps. It's in the Piedmont region, from the French “au pied du mont”. It's a very mountainous region with plains and hills and so forth, and Turin is only a few kilometers from the border with France. I grew up in a mountainous environment, going skiing and trekking in the mountains with my parents. And so a few decades later I ended up in flat England.Me: Yeah, with hardly any snow, right?Gabriella: Well, it doesn't snow much but it does sometimes in Scotland. When I went to Scotland it was always summer, but they do ski there I was told. Working in the MaldivesI ended up in the UK passing through the Maldives, because that's where I was working for an Italian tour operator. On the island where I was based I met this Briton in 1997. In my spare time I was diving, underwater with tanks, because I was a diver before. The Maldives is a diver's destination so when I could, I was diving.The diving instructor buddied me up with this chap who was alone who was British. He was actually quite at home in that little island because he had been 10 or 11 times already. We were buddied up together and so that's how it started. As you can imagine, in a very romatic place... we basically met underwater!Me: Oh that's very cool!Gabriella: Sometimes when I think about it, it sounds like it was taken from a fiction book or something. But it happened to me, and then of course... he was there for a couple of weeks and we had opportunities to get to know each other a bit.The island was so big that it would take you 5 minutes walk to go around it. So obviously it wasn't very difficult to keep bumping into each other, that's how it started in a way. And I'm sure that part of the story was because it was in a romantic location even if I was working, and he was on holiday...More trips togetherBut of course what happened was he went back home and we kept in touch. He was writing me letters. And then when I finished my contract there, I went to visit him in London.Of course the fascination hadn't faded yet so a month later I moved in with him for good, and it was very kind of rushed.Me: How long had you known each other at that point?Gabriella: When I moved in with him, basically I had just met him in the Maldives a couple of months earlier and he had stayed there for two weeks. But then when I went to visit him after working in the Maldives, I went to visit him for a week or so and in that week he asked me if I wanted to join him. He was a photographer and he was invited to show his diving photographs at an exposition in Singapore. He invited me to come along, and of course I said yes!From Malaysia to LondonAnd after the diving exposition in Singapore, we went diving in Malaysia. So again it was a very exotic situation where we got the chance to get to know each other a bit more.So then when we came back, I went back home basically to return for good.It was all very nice at the time, but very quick. I don't know what to call it... a story, an adventure. So then I found myself in London, cold, rainy London, and I started the second chapter of my life in the UK, in London.Cultural gapsAnd like in all stories, in all relationships, there are many factors that come into it, that create or direct the story in a certain way. In our case I think there were many gaps. Not just the language. I studied as an interpreter so my English was pretty good, but there was still a cultural gap.Me: Yup, I can relate to that.Gabriella: You might speak the same language, but you speak two different languages. You come from different backgrounds and different countries.Me: Yup, I had that with two husbands, one French one and one Mexican one. I spoke both languages and there's still a cultural gap.Gabrielle: Yes but it's funny though, unless you are in that situation, it's difficult to imagine. Your imagination is never like reality.Me: Of course. And was it hard for you to settle in the UK? In London?Gabriella: Well, it was in a way. But you see, when you're in love, you make everything do because you want it to work. Yes, the weather was...British. Unpredictable, and very variable so it changes from one moment to the next. But mainly it's not continental so it means you don't have the four seasons. You tend to have sort of two seasons really, and that was hard.Paradise for some, hell for othersBut what I want to say is that I was in a paradise on earth. The Maldives is definitely considered one of those places on earth that's perfect for honeymoons, this type of thing. I was working there, of course I wasn't on holiday there. But it was really hard to work there, and it felt to me like hell on earth, funnily enough. Such a paradox. Me: Really!Gabriella: Basically from paradise on earth which for me was feeling like hell, anyway, I fell on 'not paradise on earth' – weatherwise in the UK. But I was very happy because of course I was in this relationship that at the time I loved and cherished so much. That was for me a big lesson that I would never forget – that really, happiness is where your heart is.But of course I have to say that I've been here in the UK for nineteen years and I can say that yes, after a while, the weather gets at you!From holidays to power gamesMe: Yeah of course. But then the relationship started to change, right? Because at first you said it was...Gabrielle: Yes, like all relationships in the beginning it was very easygoing and nice and so forth. But it became more like a power game and I wasn't aware of it. I should have been aware because there were signs from the very beginning, but you know, sometimes we are blind to the signs. We can't hear it even if we can hear physically.Me: I mean when you say power games, can you think of an example?Gabriella: Yes, there was a gap of eleven years between the two of us and I'm a very easygoing type of personality and I don't really want to control anybody. But on the other side there was a person who was obviously much older than me with possibly much more life experience than me.And I am guessing here because the bottom line is that we never really know what happens in another person unless that person tells us, right? But I'm guessing with hindsight that inside there was a desire to create this relationship, he possibly really enjoyed it, wanted it and so forth. He just wanted it to work, but his character was very domineering, he was very controlling.Even if I'm as I said a very easygoing type of person I think, very flexible... I had just left my country, I had just moved here, I started from scratch. That didn't bother me, because I quite like that type of thing.I was the one adjusting to everything basically, but I couldn't adjust to being controlled.Why some people manipulate othersAnd you don't see it in the beginning because you think the other person is like you. You think they just want to love you, things like that. Maybe I was naïve but I'm sure I belong to a big club.Me: I mean, did he just like not let you go where you wanted, or have the friends that you wanted? Or try to tell you how to be?Gabriella: No, it took me a long time to realize it because...because you see, with people who are manipulative by nature... My theory is that they've been wounded or hurt, and so it's their survival instinct to try to manipulate their surroundings so that they can survive. It's very basic.Me: Yeah, that's what I think too.Gabriella: This is my theory, but anyway I think it was definitely applicable to his case.I don't know to this day what his wound was, but he definitely wanted me to be in a certain way, doing certain things. He wasn't so obvious. Otherwise I would have realized this earlier on. He was always camouflaging to this 'good doing', these good deeds that were in my interest and all the rest. Maybe according to him they were in my good interests, but not in mine.If you crush somebody character-wise and you want to control the person, you are actually also discarding all the nice characteristics, all the nice bits of the person. You can't just have a puppet in your hands. Well you can, in certain situations it works. There are certain men and women who are kind of happy in that kind of relationship, but it didn't work for me.Tantrums...as an adult?Me: Was there one event...What happened to make you think “This is enough, I have to leave”. Was it one event in particular?Gabriella: Yes, I was just arriving there. One thing that for me really killed the relationship and the story, and I'm happy to share it because there might be other women in similar situations.He was a very narcissistic type of person, and those people have to crush who is next to them because otherwise they don't feel good enough. One way to have his way was to throw tantrums. Really. Like children do.But you know, if you are a mother and you have a child doing that, you know how to deal with it because it's part of the growing up process.But when you are an adult and you have your partner doing that... Like it happened in the middle of the jungle, he wanted to go back to London and leave me there...Me: Ohhh!Gabriella: Stuff like that. It happened more than once.Maybe the first time you put up with it, you think 'Hmm, strange'. And then the second time you might start thinking, 'What have I done?' Because that's what happens to women, we tend to first check with ourselves. We always are prone to think that we've done something wrong ourselves.Me: Yes, of course.Gabriella: So that's what happened with me. When this was happening, I thought 'I've done something inconsiderate', or 'I'm bad'... I was always feeling guilty for something.Scary stuffMe: Was it scary as well? Because if I imagine an adult, you know, a man, my partner having a tantrum...that would just freak me out.Gabriella: Well yes it was! I can tell you! In certain situations it was, because, you know, like... We were returning to Indonesia, we were on this tour, there were just the two of us with a local guide. I can't remember now exactly what happened. He really literally wanted to go back to London and just leave me there, out of the blue. What do you do with something like that?Of course now thinking about it, I think if I would find myself in a situation like that or similar, I would just deal with it very easily because I've been through it.Me: That's what I was gonna say.Gabriella: If you haven't been there, in a similar situation, you don't know what to do. It's natural that you don't know what to do.What you can do if you're in an abusive relationshipMe: That's what I was going to ask actually, because there might be people that are in that kind of situation now. What would you tell them?Gabriella: Well what I would say is that to realize that you're in an abusive relationship is very difficult. And I'll tell you why. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical abuse, because a moral or emotional abuse is just as difficult. Or even worse maybe, because if somebody beats you up, the blows, the bruises on your skin might go, but the emotions, they stay. And then you have to heal them. It might take the rest of your life to do that.In a way, I wasn't in a physical abusive relationship, but it definitely wasn't a peer relationship. And I can say this because I'm now happily in a very nice relationship and I can see how different it is. I'm not...I'm also very aware that I don't want to make it worse than it was.But my advice would be for a woman to...instead of keeping silent, try to find help, professional help. Because if you just talk to your friends or colleagues or whatever, relatives, they will have their own unconscious agenda. Meaning that they will try to help in their own way, but it won't be maybe the best way for you.But with a therapist or somebody, you start maybe having help that shows you where you are and what's happening. They will play back to you what's going on. That's definitely something that I regretted not doing immediately. I waited because I was in denial and this is typical of women. You think that it cannot happen to you, but it does.The moment of no returnMe: But then once you... I know that you did decide at one point to go through with the divorce.Gabriella: Yes, you asked me what was the moment of no return. The moment of no return was just another tantrum, but this time it was very low key in a way compared to others that had been very magnificently planned, right? It wasn't in an exotic location, it was just in a shop. It was a small shop and in front of the sales attendant he just threw this tantrum and just treated me... like shit, basically. And it just reached a point where I just thought 'This is enough'.I had already matured within the years and realized in my body, really physically, that I was dying.Me: How long were you together?Gabriella: Well not long because it was... I moved to the UK in 1998 and we got married 3 years later, and then the point of no return happened in 2005. So I mean long enough to be damaged.Me: Yes, that's long enough, exactly.Gabriella: But not that long. And I'm saying this because I know that there are women who endure abusive relationships for decades. Finding excuses for the children if there are children involved, is actually the worst way to teach your children for the future because they will remember, they will absorb that.What we unconsciously create...Funnily enough, I have to say, and I'm sharing this as well with no pride, well, hiding my pride simply because I know that it can be useful for others. My parents...I had the example at home of my parents who had a similar relationship.And so what I had done, what happened to me or basically what I had done myself was to put myself in the same type of relationship. Because we do that unconsciously because we want to recover or resolve it. Our mind is always looking for a solution for everything that happened to us. It's so classical, like a psychology manual, right? But when it happens to you it's really...it's different, it hurts. But basically that's what happened.My father had a very old-fashioned type of relationship with my mother. Like what happened in the last century. And so the father would decide everything and the mother would say yes to everything.Even though I was born in the twentieth century, very highly educated, spoke four languages, traveled and all the rest of it, you might think 'You're sorted, girl! You're a girl of the world!'And yes, maybe from the outside. But inside, that wasn't the story and so I ended up in an abusive relationship. Having said that, I learned a lot and even if it was painful, I have to say that I couldn't have become the woman that I am today if that hadn't happened to me. It was a shortcut to really wake up.But for people out there, either men or women, because I know that it can happen to men as well. It doesn't have to necessarily be just the woman being in an abusive relationship being abused by a man, it can happen both ways.The very best thing to do for yourselfThe best thing is to actually listen to what you feel in your body because the body always tells us.But we are maybe conditioned by our upbringing. Or we are as I was saying deaf and blind and we don't want to see it, we don't want to hear it, we ignore the signs. The first step is pay attention to what your body is saying to you. And second, reach out because there are many organizations in the, let's call it the civilized so to speak world. It doesn't have to cost necessarily.The very fact of realizing 'there's something here not right, I want to go and see if I can find some help' is the first step to come out of it. And it helps you psychologically to become aware of what's going on.Me: Yes of course.Gabriella: It's been a long journey!Life putting you in a corner...and whyMe: But then you started to come through the other side, right? I mean, even though...you were made redundant from work? Is that right?Gabriella: Yes, what happened for me is that it was all together.I mean, the marriage wasn't happy already and had been that way for years. But what made it all kind of collapse I think was also the fact that I was made redundant at work, and he was self-employed so he was working from home. So obviously having me around didn't help and I was very aware that being at home it would have been hell, but that was what life served me.Life is very clever, always finding a way to put you in the corner so you then have to do something about it.So I was made redundant and I kind of also lost my social background workwise because that was a very big part of my life. Second the relationship at work was a nightmare and that had to be fixed. From the lowest point, to coming back upWhen the point of no return happened and I realized 'this is it, this is enough'...Because after being in the shop with this tantrum, having things thrown at me and whatever, we went into a supermarket and it went on. So I found myself basically like in film scenes that you see, you know? The film character walking and weeping and crying all over the supermarket, feeling like worse than that you can't go. And I was dying inside. But that was the point of no return where I felt 'Hang on a minute. This is enough! As difficult as it might be to break up and face a life that you don't know what it will be, with a big question mark, is still better than having to put up with the same situation every day that is obviously not going to change'.Me: So then what did you do to change things?Gabriella: Well life served me again, because basically who started the divorce process? Him.Me: Him?Gabriella: Yes, he started the divorce process because it was part of his way of being. He wanted to scare me because he thought that that would be a big scare and I would come back home. And you would do that...I mean, it's funny to say, but that would work with a little girl, not with an adult. And deep inside maybe there were parts of me that hadn't grown up enough, but I wasn't a little girl anymore. I was a woman of over forty years.Grabbing an opportunity, even if it takes yearsSo I realized that that was my chance. I had to grab it to be free again. Meaning, well being free at the time just meant to start feeling better. Not feeling anguished by living with a person who wouldn't respect me. You never knew when he would burst out, but the only certainty was you knew he would burst out at any moment.And I know that there are many people like that. They have that kind of character and some get into violence, they become more violent than others, whatever. But we are not here to make a hit parade of who was the worst and who was the best, you know?Me: No, of course, yeah.Gabriella: It's about making people aware that it can happen and there's no shame in that. We all have parts of ourselves that need to be healed so the best thing is really when we witness stuff like that that's going on, and it's obvious, it's apparent, you can't deny it, then it's time to take action.So I said yes to the divorce, he didn't expect that!That was the start of a long struggle because I was hoping that because he started it, he would want it. I was hoping it would be easy and we would free each other up and that would be it. But he didn't want that.Me: It took a long time, right? I think you said it took two years, is that right?Gabriella: Yes, it took two years.Me: Even without children, which I think is just crazy. That's a really long time.Gabriella: Yes, maybe things have changed now, I don't know. But when you have a party that doesn't want it to happen, they put everything out to put obstacles.Nothing to cling to, and yet...Me: But you had a career change at the same time, right? What did you do before and then what did you wind up doing afterwards?Gabrielle: Well what happened was I was working in the tourism industry and I was made redundant. And I could feel inside me that I needed to change because it wasn't satisfying me anymore.For me that was very scary because it wasn't just to lose the relationship and maybe the stability or the safety, so to speak, of a marriage and a relationship. It was also the fact that I didn't have any friends anymore because all of my friends were work-related or socially related with my husband.So I found myself really alone. And London being a big place... At the same time I couldn't really cling to my work. Because in a situation like that, it's useful to at least have something that you can cling to. It could be different things, it doesn't matter, but at least to have something that stays there and represents stability because otherwise it can be quite psychologically challenging.But I didn't have that. I didn't have any social stability, financial stability, career stability of any sort. So I had to face that as well. And I did some temporary work, still in the temporary industry, and then I went away traveling for a month.That was...even if I was still living separated under the same roof, I went backpacking, travelling through Vietnam. And that really helped me, because I'm a free spirit. That really helped me to rediscover myself as a being, a human being. Even if it was scary – you had to consider that I wasn't in the best position emotionally, but I did it, it really helped me.The learning journey begins...and leads to AntarcticaAt the same time I came across NLP, neurolinguistic programming. I trained in that, and that really helped me to recover. I've always been interested in personal development, the power of the mind, and to explore that for me was fundamental. To really rebuild myself psychologically and emotionally, but also it helped me to find a direction in my life.I did different courses, different things. Because after I divorced, I decided to give myself a bit of time and freedom to be able to look around instead of putting myself into another box immediately. So I started doing different trainings, and I eventually ended up in Antarctica!When in doubt, test yourselfMe: I was gonna ask, how did you get to Antarctica, and what was that like?Gabriella: Well, what happened was, it was funny.Two days, or three days after my second court hearing that really marked the end of my divorce, I came across this opportunity to join this chap. He was an Australian explorer really, an adventurer, a coach, called Peter Blair.He had been himself to the North and to the South Pole. So a very adventurous type of person. And after having been to Antarctica, he was actually starting to take people there as a way to explore yourself, to face your limiting beliefs.Having had the training in neurolinguistic programming which is all about the power of the mind... Having walked on fire...Me: Yup! I did that too!Gabriella: So you know that for me was really interesting. I couldn't resist it, because I wanted to test myself. As if I hadn't done it already... But it was very appealing and besides I always liked traveling. I had never considered Antarctica simply because it's too cold for me.But the idea of joining a group of people to go there to face your own beliefs and limitations and fears was for me irresistible!I had a bit of money that I managed to get out of the settlement for the divorce and so I thought 'Before I go into my mind again and become normal and rational again, let's do this because I know this will be good for me'. So nine months later I ended up in Antarctica.And another trauma...Me: Wow! And then what made you decide...Because you've written a book about your journey, right? Can you tell us about that?Gabriella: Well I wasn't planning to write a book. I was actually planning to produce a documentary about it. But I didn't have the funds to be able to get with me a crew or anything like that, forget it, so I just went with a camera myself and I started filming, not having done it before.But unfortunately something very unpredictable happened during the trip and so what happened was I lost my gear.Me: You lost your gear?Gabriella: Yes, my photographic gear.Me: Oh! Wow!Gabriella: So for me it was really going to hell because I had waited for that trip. For me the best part of it was to be able to go there and witness nature. For me it's a big thing. And you can't go more wild and natural than Antarctica. So I was expecting that, you know I was really preparing for this trip so much, I was really looking forward to taking pictures and filming and the rest. But something that I wasn't planning obviously... Again, life serves you right. I lost my gear!Benefits of lossSo what happened was I went through this trauma again and because it was a trauma for me. When I came back I was still trying to see if I could produce something with the little footage I had and I couldn't find a way, basically. That happened in 2008 and in 2011 I eventually surrendered to the reality of it.And I had this idea, I realized 'OK, it seems that I can't do anything with this experience'. I really wanted to share this experience, right? Because I learn so much from other people's stories and I feel very thankful for the person I've become because other people went to the trouble and the bother to put their story out there.And so this nagged at me constantly and I had this voice inside me that was pushing me to keep closing. But it seemed that all the doors were closed and I didn't know what to do.Eventually three years later I realized that I could write a book. And I thought 'Well at least if I write a book I have my experience there that anybody can read'. And these days technology allows us to be found more easily than in the past.So that's what I did. I went away and in two weeks I wrote my book.Me: Wow! That's fantastic! In two weeks!Gabriella: Yes, and after three years, that happened. But that's me, I found it easy to write. Obviously I have to say for honesty that those three years after the expedition I must have digested the thing.Writing a book and throwing pride to the windMe: Yes, because you put a lot of life lessons in your book as well, right?Gabriella: Yes, the story of the book is the trip on the ship with this group of people. But it's not a book that talks about the beauty of Antarctica. Of course it does because I put pictures in it as much as I could because I think it's worth it. Although it's an inner journey. It's what happened to me internally. I wrote it as raw as it was, I wrote all those things that nobody wants to admit because we think, 'if the world finds out that I do that, that I think that, oh my God it will be the end of it!' Because we all have that side of us that wants to... We're shy, or we're ashamed of some parts of ourselves that we don't want to show.I thought it was worthwhile to do it because if we do it, we allow others to realize how we are all the same. And how vulnerable we are. And how strong we can be at the same time. So yeah, I chuck away my pride and I chuck away my ego and I just wrote it as it was.Some potent teachings that Gabriella shares with others nowMe: So now I mean I know you do some really interesting things to help other people. You mentioned that you help women gain confidence, authority and fulfilment in life by knowing their body, doing all kinds of other things, helping them work with their female cycle... So if people want to know more about that, where's the best place for them to find you? I mean I'll put it in the shownotes, but...Gabriella: Well that's another whole story. I came across a lady called Alexandra Pope who talks about menstrual cycle awareness and that was for me life-changing. And so among the many things that I've done and investigated, that was for me as a woman what really made the biggest impact on my life.So therefore I realized that I wanted to spread the message. Because if I'd been instructed, educated by my mother or any other elder woman when I was young and I'd been raised with that awareness, I would have possibly not entered into an abusive relationship. I could have avoided a very painful and expensive divorce and other things. So I realized the potency of that teaching.Where to find GabriellaMe: So for people who want to find out more about that, that's on your website, right?Gabriella: Yes, flyinginspiration.com They can find out more about myself, what I do...Me: And your book as well, right?Gabriella: Yes, they can find the book but they can find lots of information which is free. There are many interviews, articles... It's all there for you.Me: Super! Well thank you so much! Gabriella thank you SO much for your story. I really enjoyed it and I think, you know, I know that it's been quite a journey for you. So I just wanted to thank you for coming on and sharing it with such honesty and beauty!Gabriella: Thank you Barbara, for the possibility to share the message. Hopefully it will help somebody out there today, tomorrow and for the years to come!What to add to food (and other places) when it's cold outsideSo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of the best ingredients you can add to your food when it's cold outside. And as I mentioned, you don't have to just use it for food. You can sprinkle this ingredient inside your socks to help keep you warm! It's also really tasty, and you only need a tiny bit.Have you got an idea what it could be? It is...cayenne pepper!Benefits of cayenne pepperCayenne and other hot spices are great to add to your food when it's cold out, because they literally trick your body into thinking that the food is hotter than it actually is. Not that you need to eat cold food of course, you can heat up soups and things, but cayenne gives your food an extra kick of heat.And yes, you can add it to your socks. On the inside though, otherwise you won't feel it and you'll just be heating your shoes. And do make sure that you haven't got any cuts or open wounds when you do that. You just need a small amount, like a quarter teaspoon.So why does this work? And what other benefits does cayenne pepper have? Well, cayenne contains a substance called capsaicin which increases the circulation in your fingers and toes.Cayenne pepper is also used internally to help with digestion, detoxification, relieving toothaches, boosting your metabolism and helping reduce inflammation.Another curious thing about cayenne pepperAnother curious thing about cayenne pepper, and I think this is quite cool, it's contrary to what we might think. It actually can help in the prevention and healing of ulcers. This is because it inhibits the secretion of acid and stimulates production of alkaline and mucous secretions.Now that might sound kind of gross, but if you've got an ulcer, you might want to take a look at the research article that I'll link to in the show notes to draw your own conclusions.Some people find that applying cayenne pepper directly to the skin can also help with pain from arthritis and headaches, including migraines. Its effects are still being studied, but I would definitely encourage you to try it out for yourself if you think it might help you.If it doesn't work, you haven't lost anything. But if it does work, wow, right? You'll have yourself the cheapest and healthiest medicine ever, and way better for you than aspirin, right?How you eat cayenne pepperWhich brings me to how you eat cayenne pepper, which is very easy.Just add a pinch to soups, curries and other savory dishes. Simple!And if you'd like some ideas for savory dishes, I'll link to my 5-minute recipe ebooks in the shownotes.Have you got a story to share?So I hope you've enjoyed Gabriella's story today as well as our food tips. And if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have enhanced or even saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Email me at barbara@rockingrawchef.comGot a question, or a comment?If you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCES5-minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article featuring fun tips for your feet, including cayenne pepper: https://feet.thefuntimesguide.com/pepper_for_cold_feet/Article on benefits of cayenne pepper: https://draxe.com/cayenne-pepper-benefits/Study on capsaicin and gastric ulcers: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16621751Gabriella's bio:Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel is an author, speaker, visionary and female cycle consultant who helps women gain confidence, authority and fulfilment in life by knowing better their body. She helps women to make their female cycle their best friend, couples improve their relationship, find a more satisfying way to communicate and have better intimacy.Gabriella's website: http://www.flyinginspiration.co.uk/Her book: Antarctic Odyssey, A New Beginning

Alexandra Merisoiu shares her story of how she went from guzzling Coke and eating at all hours to lean, fit and healthy. Plus a tiny food that you'd never guess has more calcium than dairy, and a food for sport that keeps you going all day long!The food that I'll share with you is not only an amazing source of protein, energy and healthy fats, but one tiny ounce contains 18% of the recommended daily allowance for calcium. So it's also an amazing bone food for all you people who don't eat dairy and might be worried about where you're getting your calcium. And I bet you don't know what it is! Or maybe you do...you'll find out in a bit! Our guest, Alexandra MerisoiuI am very excited to be joined here today by Alexandra Merisoiu, also known as The Body Engineer.Alexandra specialises in working with runners, beginners and advanced, who want to run faster and further, with less effort and fewer injuries. She also has a 3rd Dan Black Belt in Karate Shotokan, and she is a Martial Arts British National Champion, with a host of national and international awards in the sport, including World Cup Champion. And if that weren't enough, in between helping others with their running, Alexandra still competes at an international level!Alexandra's storySo let's get to the story. Alexandra welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Alexandra: Thank you very much for the invitation. And thank you for the introduction as well.Me: Oh well you're welcome! I just find it astounding, everything that you manage to do. And I don't know how you do it, but I'm sure you'll share a bit about that in a moment.I mean, I know when we talked about you coming on the podcast, you mentioned that there was a time when you were drinking like 2 liters of coke a day and definitely with a very different level of health and fitness compared to what you have today.And I would really love for you to tell everybody how you changed your relationship with food, because there are a lot of things that you've overcome that a lot of people still struggle with, you know?Alexandra: Yeah, well that's true. 2 liters of Coca-Cola, 2 liters of Sprite, I kind of changed from one to the other. Me: Variety, yeah...Training hard in RomaniaAlexandra: I mean, back then in my family I didn't have the education that I have today. When McDonald's came to my country, I was there a few times a week. But we didn't really know what and how and why...Me: Oh sorry, so can you remind people where you grew up, then?Alexandra: Oh yes, in Romania. In Eastern Europe.So I was practising martial arts 6 days a week, sometimes 12 sessions a week. Twice a day was in school holidays.Me: Wow!Alexandra: A holiday with my family didn't really exist because I was always training. And yeah, I was just eating, burning calories, eating, burning calories...There was no way I could have put on weight.But fast forward to today, it's not actually about being able to burn calories. It's about what's going on inside your body, it's all about calories.Alexandra's first turning pointMe: I know you had a turning point at one stage, right? Because you said you had Coke and a sandwich, and...what led you to change?Alexandra: Oh yes, I remember it. I was actually a little bit scared. I was twelve, thirteen years old, and I was eating a sandwich really quick. And I was drinking Coke while eating a sandwich, right?Me: As many people do, right?Alexandra: Yes, and two minutes into eating, I just threw it up. And I think from what I remember, that was the turning point. At that point I just stopped drinking Coca-Cola.Me: Yes because you weren't feeling sick, right? It wasn't like you had an illness and threw up, it was actually the...Alexandra: No, no, I actually think I was getting ready to go to my karate training. I actually went!Me: (laughs) That doesn't surprise me!Alexandra: (laughs) Yes, my training is a bit like if I'm not in the hospital...Me: Were you competing at that time too?Alexandra: Yes, yes, I think my first competition was when I was ten years old, or nine. It was an in-house competition, so small. But yeah, I was competing, and then at fourteen I received my first black belt.A definite U-turnMe: Wow! And what were you thinking when, I mean, you've eaten the sandwich, you've drunk the Coca-Cola, you've thrown it up. I mean, what thoughts were in your head when you were like 'I've had enough, I can't eat this way any more'?Alexandra: Oh it's been such a long time, I don't remember. But the shock of throwing up and of feeling sick...I think it was a U-turn, basically. I don't think I thought about it too much. I don't remember thinking 'Oh this isn't too good for my health'.Me: Yeah, a twelve-year-old probably wouldn't think like that, right?Alexandra: Yes, probably I thought 'This made me throw up so I'm not gonna have it anymore'.From training to clubbingMe: Cause you were quite heavier at one point, right? You said that you were like ten kilos heavier at one stage, so how did that happen?Alexandra: Yeah, so when I was eighteen I stopped karate. I did the other martial arts, but I stopped karate because I started travelling. And I kind of...when you are an athlete, you don't go out much. You don't have a lot of friends.So I made some friends and then we started going clubbing and dancing and drinking and all the other stuff. I saw the other side of life and karate all of a sudden didn't seem so fascinating anymore, you know?I trained less, but I was eating the same. And when you're an athlete and you train 6 times a week, maybe 12 times a week, and you eat a certain quality of food and a certain quantity of food, you're balanced. You don't put on weight.Piling on the poundsBut when you stop that, when you take your training to 3 days a week, and you eat the same, you start putting on weight. And you put on weight fast. So that's what happened. I stopped karate and I went to visit my father who was living in France. With my friend. And basically what we were doing was we were eating McDonald's and other fast food at midnight, and you know, watching movies...Me: Whoa! So like the worst time ever to eat the worst kind of food ever!Alexandra: Exactly! So I think I was there for 2 months during the summer holidays. And when I came back I was 10 kilograms heavier and my mom was like, 'What happened to you!'Me: Ohhh!Alexandra: Of course, going from 49 kilos to 60 kilos doesn't seem like such a big thing. But for me it was a huge contrast.Me: Yeah, because you're not like super tall, right?Alexandra: Yeah, exactly. And as an athlete I was skinny, as skinny as...Me: Skinny as a rail, right?Alexandra: Right! So for me that was a bit of a psychological downfall.Me: Yeah, of course.Weightloss: a fast-moving trainAlexandra: No-one was looking at me in any other way, but it was how I saw myself. I mean, I was used to being lean, being fast and strong. And all of a sudden – well not all of a sudden, over a few months – that changed.Me: But it creeps up on you as well, right? I mean, that's the difficult bit. You said you put it on fast, but I imagine it wasn't like all of a sudden you woke up and the 10 kilos were there, right?Alexandra: No, it wasn't. It was a few months. I don't remember exactly because it was a while ago, but probably when I was in France I put a few kilograms on and then...I see weightloss like a fast moving train. It gains momentum. You put on a little bit of weight and then faster and faster until...Me: Out of control!Alexandra: Yeah, and with weightloss the same, but you have to stop the train and then go back and build the momentum. So that's a weightloss lesson, for example.Me: Yeah, yeah.Alexandra's second turning point: in the poolAlexandra: So one turning point was with Coca-Cola, and the second turning point was with the fast foods when I gained weight and I just didn't feel good about myself anymore.Me: So then you made a massive commitment at that point. What did you say to yourself? Were you just like 'This ends here, I have to just change everything'?Alexandra: Well I actually remember – I don't know if this is the first, but I do remember – I went swimming. There's a 50-meter Olympic swimming pool that I learned to swim in. And I was struggling to do 3 or 4 lengths!Me: Wow!Alexandra: In the past I could do 15, 20...I could just do it! So my fitness level was just...And that was the turning point. That scared me and I thought 'I need to get my fitness back'. And I think that was in 2007 when I became a runner.Motivation for changeMe: Did you start both at the same time then?Alexandra: Yeah, I think from what I remember that I used running to lose the weight. I was also going to the United States, it was the first time that summer and I was going with a working travel program on the shore of the Atlantic. At the beach. So that kind of motivated me more, because my swimming suits weren't fitting me anymore!Me: Oh no!Alexandra: My clothes weren't fitting anymore! Now I do have to say this, because it's really, really important. The people you surround yourself with.I had some very good friends. Very good friends, I learned a lot from them. However from a health and fitness point of view, they weren't the best people to be around me. So in the personal development world, you know, they say you're the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with.And looking back, I didn't know about personal development then. I know now, but looking back, I was drinking a lot. And I could take the spirits. I wouldn't have a hangover. It was so easy for me, that I could just drink.Me: (laughs) I can't do that!Alexandra: (laughs) Well, I can't do that either, it's been 4 or 5 years since I've had a sip of alcohol, so...yeah. The swimming pool, that's what turned me around and made me start running and made the commitment to give up the fast foods.And my mom had a very important role in this. She understood that in order for me to lose the weight and get back to normal, I needed to make some drastic but gradual changes.The plan of attackMe: So what were those changes? Because I know you said you cut out a lot of foods, right?Alexandra: Yeah. So first of all, the drinks. My mom always said, 'Don't drink Pepsi and Coca-Cola and all this stuff. These are the first things to cut out.' So we started with that.And I say 'we' because my mom was there all the time. She always said, 'Have one day a week where you can eat whatever you want. Don't deprive your body because then you will crave it'.And she's right again, right? (laughs) Moms just know!So one day a week I would have, I don't know, whatever I wanted. But it's important to say that I made these decisions. My mom supported and advised. She's not a nutritionist but she has a very good intuition when it comes to nutrition and weightloss.The next foods to go were...The second thing I cut out was pretty much anything that had sugar. So any chocolates, ice creams, anything that tasted sweet.And then we started taking out the potatoes, oh and bread. Bread was actually together with the drinks. The drinks and the bread were like the first things we started with.Me: But when you started, you did it gradually, right? First you cut out the bread and the drinks for a little while, but you were still eating ice cream and other sweet things?Easy does itAlexandra: Yeah. But I wasn't replacing. I was still eating the same amount. So it wasn't like, 'Oh, I'm not gonna drink Pepsi anymore but I'm gonna eat 3 more ice creams!' (laughs) I wasn't eating ice cream every day, I was eating ice cream once or twice a week maybe.Me: But I think that's a really interesting point though. That you did it really gradually. Because most of us are like, 'Right! No more ice cream, no more bread, I'm gonna eat super healthy every day'. And then like 3 days later we just fall down, right? Whereas you did it really gradually, right?So for example, just to give people an idea of the timeline, you know? When you said the drinks and the bread, do you remember how long you went before you decided to cut out the next thing? Was it really like...was there a system behind it? Or did you just go with what you felt?How you can know when you're ready to cut out a foodAlexandra: At that point I didn't know about systems. I just went with what felt comfortable. So if I was still thinking about having Sprite or another fizzy drink, then it meant that I'm not ready for taking out the next food or foods.Me: Oh, that makes sense! Oh!Alexandra: Yeah. So once my craving for something or the thought of having something disappeared...Now for example if I think of a sandwich, no matter how good the sandwich looks, I don't really want it, right?So I guess we went with how I felt. And I think to give people an idea, I probably would go 4 to 6 weeks of taking out one group of foods. Or one food, not necessarily one group of foods.Me: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, because they say it takes at least 30 days if not longer to establish a new habit, right?Here's how to test yourselfThat's really cool, I just want to really emphasize that point, because it would never have occurred to me to cut out one thing and then wait until the cravings for that one thing disappeared before cutting out the next thing! I think that is amazing! I've never heard that before, actually.Alexandra: Well, it's just going with what you feel. It's a test. If you think about having bread, how do you feel? Do you really want it? You know, if you have a slice of bread in front of you, are you gonna take it? Or can you just ignore it?So I think that's when the change happens. When you can go to the next phase.Change for lifeMe: Yeah! Plus the other thing that I love about that is...that's like lifetime change, right? That's not the kind of thing where you fall down again after a year. I mean you hear about people who deprive themselves for months and months and then they just...they manage to go past the 30 days and yet they still fall down because they haven't passed the test yet!Alexandra: Exactly! And no matter, it can be 30 days, it can be...you can do the same habit for 2, 3, 6 months and then go back to it. Seriously. Nothing is guaranteed.Me: Yeah, of course.Alexandra: That's why I don't go with 30 days or 44 or 60...Me: Well, we're all different as well, right? One food isn't going to have the same effect on everybody, right?Alexandra: Exactly, yeah.How to refuse politely...Me: Wow, that's really cool. Oh and I wanted to ask you, because you said that in those first 3 to 6 months, that was the worst, right? And that sometimes you had people offering you other foods, foods that you don't eat and stuff. So how did you manage to a) resist the temptation and b) manage to say no in a nice way? (laughs)Alexandra: (laughs) Yeah, well I don't know how to say no in a nice way actually! (laughs) I say “No thank you” and that's it!Me: (laughs) Oh! Ok! The truth comes out... (laughs)Alexandra: Right, well it's about educating the people around me. It's about how you educate the people around you, or reeducate.So they know I like this kind of cheese, it's like a kind of cottage cheese, a type of cottage cheese pie that we make in the east. And I love it, you know? I always loved it. So all of my family, when you go for Easter, they always have it for me. And it has the right amount of cheese in it... (laughs)And you know, in the first 6 months it was difficult because I was trying to cut out all these things. But there you have it in front of you on the table! So...Me: And made by people for you, right? So the guilt thing could come in if you let it, right?Alexandra: Exactly!What to say to friends and familySo there were 2 ways, well a few ways, actually, out of this situation that people can use.First of all, you say “Thank you, but I can't eat anymore”. You know, after your meal, you are full. “Just leave it for later”, right?Sometimes it's good to tell people, “I don't eat this anymore, but I'll just have a small piece”. And you just have a small piece! Not a whole slice, you know?And here's what you tell yourselfBut it's good to voice it. What you tell yourself, that's what you're going to believe. So if you tell yourself, “I can't eat this” or “I can't have this” or “I'm not allowed this”, it's like an interdiction. You tell your brain you can't have it and it wants more.Me: And you want it, yeah.Alexandra: So what I did – unknowingly I did it – I said, “ I don't have this”. I mean, it's my choice not to have this any more. And in my head I always said that, it's my choice to have this or to not have this.Alexandra: And then, you know, people insist, because, you know, that's how family is...Me: Yup!Get a family member to support youAlexandra: And they're right...I love them all. But I have to say that after a few times of insisting, I would start to get a bit bothered or annoyed by it, and that's when they would leave me alone. (laughs)But also my mom was a big supporter, to be honest. Because she would say “No, no, she doesn't eat that”. And when my mom would say it, then everyone would just let me be.Me: Oh, that's really nice!Alexandra: So it's very important if you can have someone in your family to support you and to, you know, be on your side for the first year or so. That makes a huge difference.Make the right choice, every single dayAnd if not, always remember that your mind is the most powerful. So you make the choice, every single day.Me: I love that. I'm glad you said that again because I love that idea of making the right choice every single day and remembering that it's always a choice. Because it's kind of like reminding yourself how powerful you are over your life, right?Alexandra: Absolutely!Me: Yeah, that's really cool!Alexandra: Many times – even today – when I have pizza...Well, I can have pizza maybe 3 times a year even though it's one of my favorite foods. I always say I want pizza but I never get it.How to take charge of your mindEven if I have a pastry or an ice cream, I always tell myself, “I choose to have this. I don't need it, and I don't crave it, but I choose to have it today”. And if I do crave that stuff, I don't have it in that moment.This is basically one of the food discipline lessons. It's like disciplining my mind to say that if it craves something, it doesn't mean it's gonna have it. So there's no point in craving it. It's when I decide.Me: Oh!Alexandra: There's this book, The Chimp Paradox. You know it.Me: Yeah.Alexandra: It's talking with your chimp, telling it “You're gonna have this when I tell you, not when you want!”Me: Exactly, yeah!Alexandra: So that's one of the food discipline lessons: don't have them when you crave them.Cravings: what they really mean...Me: Yeah! That's really good! And also because some people think that...I think it can be an excuse sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes...especially if it's something unhealthy. Some people think, 'Oh well, I have this craving because I'm lacking in iron' or some other nutrient. I mean, I don't know what your take is on that?My take is that if it's a healthy food you're craving, yeah then it's probably true. But if it's an unhealthy one...Alexandra: Yeah, absolutely. That's right. If it's unhealthy...If you lack iron, get foods that have iron. Or, I don't know, vitamin E. Get foods that have that. Don't lie to yourself. Don't say, 'I want this pastry' or whatever it is. Or chips, or ice cream, or whatever, because you crave the healthy stuff that's in the chips.If you crave salt, that means maybe you've trained and you haven't replaced your salts. But you can do that without eating chips.Me: Yeah, exactly, yeah. (laughs)Take your time with the processOh I remember what I wanted to ask you. When I read your story on your website, I remember you were saying that it was really important to you to take your time with the whole process. I think you said the whole process took...How long did it take? Like 1 to 2 years or something?Alexandra: Yes, it took about 2 years to get to a stable point, so I took the 10 kilograms off. Then I would know that I could eat other stuff and not put on weight.But I have to say that I did not want to deprive myself and restrict myself, right? So in the 2 years my weight went up and down. You know, 2 kilos down then half a kilo up, then 1 kilo down and 2 kilos up. So up and down, up and down. I wasn't looking to starve myself. I didn't want to be hungry. That was the last thing.Me: Oh yeah, yeah.Alexandra: So I would eat quite a lot of healthy stuff. I would eat quantity and quality. Both. So that's why my weight went slowly. 1 to 2 years.But at the end of 2 years I could start eating other stuff as well without worrying about it. Although if I had eaten cakes and stuff in the first 6 months to 1 year, I don't think I would have actually taken the weight down. Because I would have just fallen back into...Me: Old habits, right?Alexandra: I still have that one day a week. That's really important.Me: Yeah, that's really good! And so for the other 6 days a week, what do you eat typically now?What Alexandra eats nowAlexandra: Well, since then, this is what I eat. I would say 80% of my food is fresh vegetables. I have salads and fresh vegetables in my fridge day in and day out, 80%. Then about 10% is dairy, 10% is meat. Meat I would say...turkey and...turkey, actually. Chicken very little, and the rest is mostly when I go home and my mom says “Have this because it's healthy”. And I say “Mom even if I don't have it, I'm not going to be unhealthy”. But yeah, meat's about 10%.Me: And fruit? Do you have fruit as well?Alexandra: Yes, I have berries, but not as much as I used to. Berries I have, but not the other fruit. The reason for that is because fruit is healthy but it still has a lot of sugar. I love fruit! I can eat 2 or 3 kilos of apples a day! Without my stomach having any problems.Me: Wow! That's a lot of apples!Alexandra: Yeah, I can eat that. Or clementines...I like them. They're fresh, they're sweet, they have water so they hydrate me, so I like it. So for me fruit is...I need to be in control, because otherwise I could just eat fruit all day!Me: Oh, OK!Alexandra: Yes, it's healthy, but it's a lot of sugar.Alexandra's other food guidelinesMe: And is that something that you suggest to the people that you train? To the people that you work with? To eat very little fruit?Alexandra: Well, I advise them 5 a day, as a nutritional guideline. But obviously you can have 6 or 7, you can have less. Everyone has to know where they're at.Like I don't need that much fruit. I need vegetables, fresh vegetables. If I don't have vegetables...Red peppers, I like red peppers because they are very refreshing with all the water. I like baby plum tomatoes because again, they're slightly sweet, but they have water in them. So for me if I don't have that, at the end of the day I feel like I'm missing something.For some people, if they don't have some fruit they'll feel like that. So you kind of have to look at it and judge the what and how to have the minerals and vitamins that you need. But again I take, upon my Sensei's advice, I take a multivitamin. Because I train so much, he said 'You need to get this, because the foods nowadays are not the ones you grew up with'.You can still do it, even working full timeMe: And one thing that I read in your story where I almost fell off my chair, I mean I was like amazed. When you started running and eating really healthily and doing all the food and stuff, you were working like 8 hours a day? Is that right? In an office?Alexandra: Yeah, at some point I was working 8 hours a day, 9 to 5.Me: Oh wow!Alexandra: So in the morning I would wake up at 5. And I was a student back then, yes?Alexandra's routine (in a full time job)This was my routine, and I loved it actually. At 5 am I would wake up, by 5:15 I was out the door going for a run, running 1 hour. 1 hour meant 12 k for me. Then I'd come back and cook breakfast and cook lunch, had breakfast and took the lunch to go. I took my bike, because I could cycle about half an hour to my office.I was working in corporate banking back then. And, you know, I would stay for 8 hours there. And like anyone who works in an office, people would come with chocolates and with biscuits and all the other stuff. My answer was always, “Thank you, but I don't eat this kind of stuff”. Not like that, but “Thank you, I don't eat that”.And from time to time if it was someone's birthday, I would take a small piece of chocolate. But one – and one every once in a blue moon. Most of the time though I'd say no thank you, even if I was hungry. I would have a tea, I don't know, I would just...Me: Yeah, the reason I ask is because there are so many people who are working full time in an office, and they already struggle with just eating healthy, you know? So being able to do that, plus working in the exercise regimen as well, I mean I just find that really incredible.And evening classes on top of everything elseAlexandra: And after that actually I would cycle to university which was about 1 hour cycling. I would have my master's degree and most of my classes were in the evening by then. It was full time, but classes were in the evening. I would have my master's degree classes, and then I would be back at 7 or 8. Then I would eat something, and then go ice skating if it was winter, or go for another run if it was not winter.Me: Wow! And you were still competing at that stage, right?Alexandra: No, at that stage I wasn't competing anymore. That was...I think I was 19 or 20 years old. So I left karate behind for a while and then I started another martial art: Daitoryu, the ancestor of aikido. I don't remember when I started it, I was doing it at the weekend, 3 hours on Saturday and 3 hours on Sunday I think. It was in the time I was in corporate banking. I think that's what it was, if I remember well.Me: So then how did you...You were in corporate banking and then 1 to 2 years later, you lose all the weight, you get really trim again, and then you went back to competing, is that right?Competing againAlexandra: I went back to competing when I moved to England. So I moved to England when I was 24, I went to London when I was 25, so about 5 years ago. I joined the SKC – Shotokan Karate England. They invited me in the squad and I've been in the squad for 3 and a half years now I think. And now I wear the English flag!Me: That's really cool! That's so cool! I really love your story, I think it's just absolutely incredible. And I really want people to know where they can find you, because you help other people do the same, right?Can you say a little bit about what you're helping people with now, and what you've got going on at the moment?How Alexandra helps others nowAlexandra: Right, so now I specialize in working with runners. I'm very passionate about body mechanics. And that's because I've had a lot of injuries when I was 12 or 13. Structural injuries, damage to joints. So my interest in how the body functions was fueled by that curiosity to understand why that happens.So now I specialize in working with runners who experience these injuries. Obviously not any injury. Some injuries you need to see a physio, osteopath, chiropractor, it depends on the injury. But a lot of aches and pains come from the way we use...the way we move, particularly if you're a runner.I'm also qualified to work with lower back pain...people...so most lower back pain is due to activity - a lack of it, or the wrong type of activity and poor posture, so we work on that. And obviously the nutrition, the food discipline lessons which are part of my system.How people can get in touch with me is through themerisoutechnique.com - or easier – themtechnique.com – m like Mike. And should I say something about my event in the summer?Me: Yes! There's an event you're doing that I've got to have you talk about, because I just think it's fantastic! I looked at the description and if I didn't have events of my own going on, I would be on a plane! I want to hear all about it!Alexandra's summer eventsAlexandra: It's called Dracula's Retreat.Me: Yay!Alexandra: As the name goes, it's at Dracula's castle. Well, it's not at Dracula's castle, it's like 1 kilometer away.Me: But still! That's pretty close!Alexandra: (laughs) Some people think it's scary, but it's not scary.Me: No, it looks beautiful!Alexandra: Yes, and in summer because we will be in the mountains, you have the green, you have the forest, you have trails to go up the mountain.3 aspects to the retreatSo Dracula's Retreat has 3 components.One is touristic, so obviously you learn about the culture of Transylvania, you learn about Dracula's story, you visit the castle, then another fortress which is close by. Then it's the fitness, so we will go hiking. Now hiking is more like trekking. So we don't need axes...Me: (laughs) You're not gonna be chopping down the jungle and stuff.Alexandra: (laughs) Not on this occasion, no. And natural movement fitness. Now if we have runners, we go running. And actually we do have runners as well. And natural movement fitness, which has to do with animal movements, balance, logs: carrying, throwing, lifting logs, slack lines...So for people who don't know, that's a flat type of rope, you'd call it. But it's flat and it's slack, so for upper body exercises. Hanging off of branches...And it's all about exploring nature, leveraging nature. And understanding that to get fit and healthy and to experience the joy of training, you don't really need a gym. So people who are bored with the gym, they come to me, basically. And then there's the social part because you get to be with a group of people and you do the whole thing...The food is also a very important part of it.Me: Yup, I'll bet!Alexandra: Trying to keep it as healthy as possible, but it will be traditional. So there will be the odd pleasure for everyone.Mindfulness and meditationMe: Yup! And there's a meditation aspect to it too, right? A mindfulness component to it?Alexandra: Well, yes. Natural movement and balance exercises first of all, you know, you need that body awareness and mindfulness. But we will go through guided meditations. Guided meditations are a big part of Qigong and Tai chi which are a big part of my personal training.We will practice breathing exercises, mindfulness meditations, and some Qigong exercises. We're gonna look at what Chinese medicine says and how the meridians connect to the internal organs. I'm not a Chinese medicine expert, but I read a lot and I practice a lot, so...I'll be just sharing the knowledge.Me: Oh, that's really cool. And so where's the best place for people to find information about the retreat? I mean, I'll link to it in the shownotes, but...Alexandra: Simply draculasretreat.comMe: Oh! That's easy! Alexandra thank you so much, I mean I just love your story, I mean, it's inspiring and also I learned a lot. I can't wait to hear how Dracula's Retreat went, and I'm definitely coming on one of them!Alexandra: Yes, it's going to be every year. This is it. I have such a big vision for it, and it's going to be an amazing adventure, really. I'm taking people on an adventure, not only on a retreat.Me: No, of course. That's really cool.Well thank you so much, I'll link to everything that you've mentioned in the shownotes so that people can find it easily. I'm going to share our food tip now, and thank you so much! Awesome!Food for sportRight, so I also mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a tiny but amazing food that is an incredible source of protein, energy, healthy fats and calcium. Not only is it a fantastic food for sport, but it's a great bone food as well. And that food is...are you ready?Chia seeds!Benefits of chia seedsChia seeds are one of the best foods ever for everybody to eat in my opinion. I don't really care if you're vegan, vegetarian, paleo, junk food addict – you want to be eating these little guys. They have so many benefits it's ridiculous. I'll link to a really good article that I found in the show notes if you'd like to read more about the health benefits and the nutritional analysis of chia seeds. And a recipe of my own as well.Eating chia seeds has been linked to not only bone health, but also gut health, stabilizing your blood sugar and helping reduce inflammation.Components of chia seedsOne cool thing about chia seeds is that they do contain a good amount of fiber but they're also gentle on the gut. So this is important for people who have trouble digesting high-fiber foods like broccoli and cauliflower. Chia seeds actually are soothing for your whole digestive tract.They're small and hard when you get them in the packet, but when you soak them or when they mix with your digestive juices and things, they puff up and they're quite viscous which sounds horrible but they're actually quite delicious!They also contain minerals like phosphorus, manganese and magnesium, as well as calcium. And for those of you who don't eat dairy and you get people asking where you get your calcium, you can tell them that ounce per ounce, chia seeds actually contain more calcium than most dairy products.Chia seeds are also a complete protein, so if you don't eat meat and you get the 'where do you get your protein' question, well you can tell them that one ounce of chia seeds has 4 grams of protein. So you won't wilt.Why chia seeds are a great food for sport On the contrary. Besides providing protein, calcium, minerals and antioxidants, chia seeds also release energy over a long period of time rather than all at once. That's why they're such a good food for sport.Also if you've got a long day ahead of you and you know you won't be able to eat for a while, chia seeds can help keep you going for longer. You can try this out for yourself actually, have yourself a chia seed pudding for breakfast and see how you feel.How you use chia seedsWhich brings me to how you eat chia seeds. A lot of people just sprinkle the dry seeds over food, like you would any seed. Over salads, for example. Because they absorb liquid, you can also use them to thicken sauces and other dishes.But my favorite way to eat chia seeds is to soak them in some nut milk for an amazing pudding. It's a bit like tapioca, so if you like tapioca, you'll love chia seed pudding.There's a lot of them out there on the internet which you can find, but I've got a gorgeous recipe for chia seed pudding on my website which I'll link to in the shownotes, along with other recipes as well.And as an extra special bonus for you, Alexandra has an extra special recipe that uses chia seeds!Alexandra's super food for sport recipeAlexandra: Right! So I compete a lot. I go to a competition at 8 am and I come back home at 9 or 10 pm, so it's a very long day. And in 12 hours, I probably compete 10 or 15 minutes throughout the day.Me: Wow!Alexandra: Yeah, sometimes I have my fights at like 6 or 7 pm. So it's like, it did happen, I had one fight at 7 pm. You have one event in the evening. Because it's senior – senior meaning plus 21 - you have to wait a lot.So I read in a book this chia seed drink. The first time I had it was the world championships in Bulgaria, and I did not need water, or food, or anything else for the whole day. I was not hungry. And it was really amazing, because by 4 or 5 pm, I would be so dehydrated that nothing – tea, water...No matter how much I would drink, I would be dehydrated. My tissues, my body...my body was just saturated with water.Having this drink, what it did was it kept my energy levels up. I did not need to eat solid foods because it gives you protein, omega 6 and 3 fats, and in the drink it also has carbohydrates. You also have something that gives you a bit of a zing.So I was with my energy levels up, nourished, hydrated, focused...pretty awesome. Strong! Everyone else by 7 pm, they were down, you know, they can't drink anymore...but I was, yeah!How you make itFor the drink, how I make it, so everyone needs to test and see whatever they like. 500 ml of water, 2 tablespoons of chia seeds, the juice of 1 lime...sometimes I put 1 ½ depending on how sour I want it. And 2 or 3 teaspoons of organic honey. You just mix it up, shake it up, and it becomes like a gel to be honest. You just drink it throughout the day.I have 3 or 4 bottles with me when I go to a competition. And I had 3 competitions already. I tested it – it works!No drugs, just food for sportMe: Wow! That is so cool! And I think you said somebody...you were afraid they were gonna think you were on like, you know, performance enhancing drugs!Alexandra: Yeah! Well, you know, it's a food. So if they were to test anything, they wouldn't find anything besides chia seeds! (laughs)Me: (laughs) They'd find a lot of chia seeds!Alexandra: A lot of chia seeds! But yeah, people look a bit weird at you because the bottle is see-through, you know? You can see all the bits, and they don't really know what it is. So you have to say, “It's chia seeds, it's a food”.But you know, it's not their problem. As long as you don't have any weird substances. And you don't need weird substances, you know? You have all these foods...try this! This is good!And for runnersAnd if you're a runner and you do marathons and stuff, see if you can create a thicker gel. You put it in those pouches, and it's a lot better than the geogels and all that other stuff.Me: Oh yeah, yeah.Alexandra: Much, much, much better, so...Me: That's fantastic, yay! You guys have to try it! I'm gonna try it! Thank you so much!Alexandra: My pleasure.Have YOU got a story to share?So I hope you've enjoyed Alexandra's amazing story today as well as our food tips. And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have been helpful, or even saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESAlexandra's website: http://themerisoiutechnique.com/unleash-your-physical-potentialAlexandra's retreat: http://draculasretreat.com/Book The Chimp ParadoxChia seed pudding recipe: http://rockingrawchef.com/gluten-free-rice-pudding-recipeOther 5-minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article on benefits of chia seeds: https://authoritynutrition.com/11-proven-health-benefits-of-chia-seeds/Alexandra Merisoiu, The Body Engineer, is the Founder of The Merisoiu Technique Institute and Dracula’s Retreat. She is also a qualified Low Back Pain Prevention Exercise Instructor and REPS registered. She specialises in working with runners, beginners and advanced, who want to run faster and further, with less effort and fewer injuries. This is done through natural movement fitness and running technique and mechanics.

  From the arms of a martial arts instructor to a Russian yoga teacher, all while mourning the loss of her mom and renewing herself, Francesca shares her journey which has led her to teaching and coaching others worldwide. And at the end of this episode I'll share with you a tiny food that is a big powerhouse for helping fight depression as well as balancing hormones. Our guest, Francesca Gentillé I am very excited to be joined here today by Francesca Gentillé, who is an initiated shaman in 4 traditions, a clinical sexologist, she's an empowered aging specialist, and a relationship counselor. She has published, appeared on television and also teaches all over the world. Francesca has an incredible story to share with us today as well as a really generous gift just for listeners of Clean Food, Dirty Stories, which we'll share with you later. First though, let's get to the story. So Francesca welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today! Francesca: I am so delighted to be here Barbara. Barbara is also one of my favorite people in the world; creative, talented, big hearted. Me: Well we've had a lot of adventures together. We have enough stories to fill up an entire season of a podcasts all by ourselves. But for today's story I know that like me you grew up with depression. Also, you had some quite heavy food intolerances where you may have felt like you were almost in the wrong kind of family. So can you tell us a bit about that? Francesca's story Francesca: Yes absolutely. I was raised in a very loud, periodically, emotionally volatile, creative, dynamic, great cook Italian family, an Italian American family. And my mother was bipolar: it was the worst of times and the best of times, and of course they were cooking Italian. So there were lots of pastas and wonderful homemade pizzas and canola. Me: Sounds like heaven. Francesca: It was on the one hand beautiful and so tasty but I would always feel tired and I would feel depressed and they would say in the family that I was always sleeping. They'd say "Why is she so sensitive?" Enter the food intolerances I think some of our sensitivities are signs of being a shaman and but on the other hand I think some of the sensitivity was exacerbated by the food intolerances. And I didn't know this until many years later when a friend of mine was reading The Body Ecology Diet for candida yeast infection that wouldn't go away. She said that when she started doing the diet her yeast infection not only went away, but within two weeks her body pain went away and within a year she lost thirty pounds. And it was the body pain that I that I kind of tuned into and I decided to try it and as I tried it I realized that my body wasn't hurting. Suddenly I felt like I had more energy and I also felt like my mood was stabilized. Yes, a huge difference. Me: So what food did you cut out for that? What were you intolerant to? Francesca: I was intolerant to gluten. Me: Wow! So Italian food was a big no, no. Francesca: All the breads have lots of gluten. So all the pastas all of that is gluten. We eat that and I was also intolerant to cow dairy; so lactose basically. Me: Well so cheese. Francesca: Cheese, and I could have a little goat or a little sheep but in general they were cooking with cow cheese. And so those were two things that were death to my body and my immune system and really I think creating that leaky gut syndrome for me too. Cutting out the bad stuff Me: I know that you said that later on you solved all of that. So besides cutting out gluten actually what other foods did you cut out? Francesca: Well eventually, I have to say I'm somebody who does my life in like small steps. I'm not someone who has created success by changing my whole life overnight, whether that's in relationships or whether that's in business or whether that's and in food. Normally I'll try one little thing and then try another little thing. Me: Sounds like me. Francesca: At first it was gluten and dairy but I was still eating processed, you know like quinoa pasta and millet bread. And then eventually I went on a two week kind of cleanse where it was no processed flours at all; some grains but no processed flours. No sugar, no caffeine, no dairy of any kind and lots of vegetables - cooked and raw. A little bit of grains that might be cooked and then a small amount of either fish or chicken, but lots of vegetables everyday. Many more than I had normally done in any given day and some fruits. And I found in two weeks that I started to feel better and I found in a few months that even though I actually hadn't lost any weight which was something that I wanted but even though I hadn't lost any weight people would start to say "What have you done to your face? You look younger, you look radiant!" It was all these fruits and vegetables and wonderful fruit and juice smoothies. Then within a year I was down to my ideal weight and I just felt amazing! Me: Wow, that's fantastic! Francesca: I did it the healthy way. Enter the martial arts instructor Me: So then I guess you looked so radiant and so amazing that the martial arts instructor found you right? You mentioned that - how did you meet him and what happened? Francesca: Well in this process it wasn't at the complete end of the steps towards health. But in this process of getting more and more healthy, I am also a teacher of relationships and sexuality, and I teach recovery from trauma, and I teach about tantra in a healing way for couples. So while I was doing this, this gentleman came to one of my classes. I felt some energy between us, but at the same time I had learned that sometimes the man I'm most attracted to is the one that I need to walk away from. My animal instincts that get very attracted to people do not tell me that that person is honest. They do not tell me that that person is good. They only say that we have compatible histo immune systems. I thought I should walk away and I did. But he kept writing to me and one day the email wouldn't work. I tried so many different ways but it would not go through. He had given me his phone number so I called him and I said "Do you know if there's a problem with your email?" and he said "Maybe you're just supposed to talk to me." A beautiful relationship So we started to talk and it developed and it really became a very beautiful and magical relationship. He had been studying Dzogchen Buddhism which is a very spiritual form of tantra for twenty five years. We had a lot in common in terms of core values, and it became a relationship which I think of as a soul mate relationship of the best kind, where we were passionate and compassionate. In the six years we were together we never yelled at each other, we never raised our voices. That's not to say we never had a problem or a disagreement, but we were able to work through those disagreements while staying in a centered, mature, adult state. It was such a grace. When I would walk into the room we'd each take a breath like "ah, now I'm safe, now I'm home". And even though he swore he would never get married because he'd been married twice before and they were these terrible relationships, in four years he asked me to marry him. Are you sure you want to marry me? I always knew he would. Although I thought it was going to take a decade, but I always felt like "yes, he's going to ask me to marry him. He just needs to heal a little bit from these past relationships". So when he asked me to marry him after four years I was shocked. He said "You're not saying yes!" and I said "Well I-I didn't expect you to ask me to marry you yet!" I said "Are you sure you want to marry me? Do you know my flaws? Sometimes I'm messy and I don't clean up right away". He said "Yes, I know that". I said "Oh and I love pretty things and sometimes I can kind of over shop and I'm not good at saving money". He said "Yes I know that". So I was like going through the list of all my flaws and he said, "Why do you think it took four years?" He said "I actually wanted to marry you sooner, but I wanted to make sure that I could hold space for your imperfections". And so I said yes, but we decided to wait until my son graduated from high school. That was a few more years down the road. Good news So you know, things were going well, but his business was failing. He was a full time martial artist, he taught martial arts to school children and adults. And it really wasn't financially successful and that was very hard on his heart. It was very challenging for his self-esteem. One day he came to me and he said "Francesca I have some good news and some bad news". And I said "Tell me the good news!" He said the good news is that a friend of his was selling a fitness center, a gym in town in his town with all the workout equipment etcetera. John said "If I combine fitness and martial arts, maybe that will be the ticket for success". I said "Honey, that's great!" Because of course we want our partners to be happy and fulfil their life's mission. I said "You should do that, what's the bad news?" And bad news His martial arts studio would be open from about 8 or 9 in the morning till 9 at night with some breaks in the day. It would get very quiet until the kids came after school. So it had a certain pace that had some spaciousness in it. And you know 8 or 9 in the morning till 9 at night, although still a long day, is not terrible. He said that this fitness studio was open from 4 in the morning till 11 o'clock at night. Because he was investing his money into it, he felt that for at least the first maybe 4 to 6 months he needed to be there. He needed to see how it was being run so that he could try to change it and make improvements. And he said "For approximately 4 to 6 months sweetheart I'll be getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night and I really won't have any bandwidth". Well, be careful of what you say to the universe! I said "Oh don't worry, our relationship is so strong, we can handle this". And 5 days later... Within 5 days of that my mother died. 5 days after he signed the papers and put the money into the investment. You never know how you're going to respond to the death of a parent or someone that's very, very close to you. You don't know until it actually happens. And I adored my mother but I was also afraid of my mother. I was conflicted and although I had a lot of anger towards her while she was alive, I made a choice never to bring that anger to her. As she got older her bipolar got worse and she eventually had Alzheimer's, and it just isn't appropriate to bring these kinds of unresolved issues to people who are mentally ill. Me: But then you have to solve them for yourself, right? How do you do that? The grieving process Francesca: And all of those unresolved emotions were there. All the anger and rage that I never expressed to her was there. And then the grieving, because since about twenty five till when she died when I was fifty I had chosen to mostly be separate from her even though we'd been very close when I was young. So I was not only grieving that she was now dead, I actually was grieving the twenty five years that I had chosen to be separate from her. Me: And did you regret those twenty five years? Francesca: Yes and no, because if I had to go back I would probably still make the same decision because she didn't feel safe to me. On the other hand, for the little girl like when I was very young and she was a bit healthier, probably from you know birth till about thirteen we were very, very close. And so the little girl in me just missed her mommy. I would be at home alone curled up into a little fetal ball rocking and this little voice would come out of me saying, "I don't understand!" It was this little girl who just didn't understand that her mother was gone and didn't understand that she would never have an opportunity to be close to her. I think the magical child always hoped in some way that they would reconcile. So yeah I was very shattered. My son would later say that it was like I was missing for two years. Me: How old was your son? Francesca: My son was... I think he was either, maybe about fourteen, something like that. Me: Oh wow! Okay, so old enough to know that yeah there was some heavy stuff going on. Walking in the underworld Francesca: And yeah, those two years in many ways are a blur. I would eventually end up going to two therapists a week for over a year, a year and a half. And I really ended up feeling like I was later like I was walking with my mother in the underworld for that time. Me: Oh wow! Francesca: Yes, it was very deep, it felt very profound. Me: That must have been very helpful, very healing. Francesca: Where I am now, I'm at peace with her. I feel her love for me, I feel my love for her. It's like we've completed what we were meant to complete in this life, and I feel like I've known her many lifetimes and I'll probably know her again. Me: Yep, I'm sure you will. The birth of a crazy idea Francesca: But in this time period where so much of my energy is now in the underworld or so much of my little girl is grieving and crying while my adult self is missing...In that time period John is getting three or four hours sleep a night. He needed me more than he ever needed me and I couldn't be there emotionally. And then I needed him more than I ever needed him, and he couldn't be there for me emotionally. Neither one of us were thinking particularly straight. But we were noticing that we were getting more and more depleted, more and more raw. It's almost like when you haven't had enough sleep and your mind is just starting to think sort of crazy, and you almost feel like you're shaking because you're under-slept. Both of us were like that because I wasn't sleeping well with the grieving. Me: Well and you do literally start to lose your mind when you lose sleep, when you don't have enough sleep, right? I mean that's a proven thing. Francesca: Exactly, and we came up with this crazy idea which is "We need more support, we need more energy in the relationship. I know! We'll open up the relationship in a 'don't ask, don't tell' model". Me: Wow! So can you explain? Because some people might not know what that is. How not to navigate an open relationship Francesca: I'm not against open relationships or polyamorous relationships or swinging or anything else. And I think there are ways to have open relationships that are beautiful and ways to do them terribly. Just like there are ways to be monogamous that are beautiful and ways to be monogamous that are awful. I mean it's not the design of the relationship that is the grace or the problem. It's really "Are we centered? Transparent? Collaborative? Compassionate? Do we have good communication skills?" That's what's going to make any design better or worse, depending on who we are bringing to that relationship. Well one of the things as a relationship counsellor that I would say is that if you're going to have an open relationship it's actually healthy to be transparent, to reveal to your partner, to not lie, to not hold things back, to be able to collaborate so you still feel like you're a partnership. So even though you might be dating someone else, or going to a party and canoodling with someone else, you still feel like your home partnership is your best friend, is that place that you're the closest to, is the person that you're revealing everything to. And I think it's very dangerous to try to do this without revealing to each other. It's very easy when we start withholding information, whether about sex or anything else. Sex, money, you name it; when we start to withhold information, it's easy to build resentment. So it's easy to start feeling more and more separated. Now this is a crazy notion that I never would have agreed to in my right mind, but I wasn't in my right mind. Where's my primary care support? So we agreed and we weren't living together at this time. We were living in different houses but we'd see each other every weekend and talk every day. And he ended up having a couple of, you know, kind of flings. Things that were a little lighter, it was fun, it was sexy but it wasn't particularly emotionally depthful. But I felt - oh my God! Barbara, I felt like I was going crazy. I felt like I just wanted someone to hold me when I cried. And I wanted someone to hold me in the night when I felt so frightened and alone. For me, I didn't want just a little sexy fun fling. I felt like I needed what they call in the hospitals in America 'primary care support'. Like when someone is in the intensive care unit and they need twenty four hour care. I felt like that was me. Enter the Russian yoga therapist And there was a man that had been a student of mine who was very, very alluring, kind of reddish brown copper hair, big almond brown eyes, slender...He was a Russian yoga therapist and massage therapist. Me: You already got me intrigued! Francesca: With long hair...and he and I started to spend more time together and he was being emotionally supportive. And when this open relationship design came into being I went to him and I said, "What do you think?" Well he was all over it! Me: Literally! Francesca: Oh my God all over it and all over me! I remember a night, I think it might have been the night where I said you know, we've opened the relationship and we could get together where I think he said like he couldn't get out of this chain link fence, he was somehow locked in. He actually climbed the fence, and he ripped his clothes! You know, this person who's just like running to try to get to you... Me: Like in a movie, right? Francesca: And it was the beginning of...of course it was very passionate in the beginning and we were, you know, making love at night and in the middle of the night, and in the morning, and we were traveling together...within a month I had actually moved this guy in! Me: Wow! Did John know at that point? Francesca: No because we were doing the 'don't ask, don't tell' model! Me: Oh! Oh my God...okay! Francesca: Yes! Life with a sexy fitness coach And this guy was this primary care support where he would cook for me, and he was someone who cooked very vegan, very healthy. So he would cook for me. He was also a fitness coach so in the mornings he would have me do yoga stretches. And it was in a way it was exactly what I needed. I could tell that this was moving too fast and that John... I couldn't keep doing 'don't ask, don't tell'. When 'don't ask don't tell' becomes 'you'd better tell' So I visited John and I said I need to talk to you. I said "I have gone and not just dated someone, I've not just had sex, but I've gone very, very deep. I've formed another primary relationship and I've already moved this person in". And of course John was shocked and hurt but once again he was getting three or four hours of sleep a night. He just didn't have the bandwidth to even talk about it. It was just...we tried to talk, but he didn't have the bandwidth, and I didn't have my normal skill sets. I'm normally quite erudite, normally very adept in language and communication and in graceful language and communication, and I wasn't. Within I would say maybe a couple of months, John called me and he asked me if we were having unprotected sex. And we were. John said, "Were you planning to tell me?" I said "Yes". He said "When were you planning to tell me?" And I said "You know, I think the next time we were going to get together". John said "Well, it's over". Another death to grieve And then I was not only grieving the death of my mother, but I was grieving the death of the relationship with my soul mate. It really was the best relationship I'd ever had and it's now been ten years and it will be best relationship I've had so far; hope springs eternal, but so far - and it was another shattering for me. So now I'm with this seductively charming Russian yoga master, and it seemed like 'well maybe you're supposed to be with him'. Is this my stuff or his stuff? But something starts to happen where I start to feel more and more insecure. And at first you know maybe I'm thinking 'well it's because I'm grieving' or 'it's because I'm not centered' But I've come to find out over the years - I now have a data collection taken from many relationships - that in the relationships where I feel the most calm, I am with someone who is honest, with good integrity and who is in fact trustworthy. And when I'm in a relationship with people who are lying to me or withholding or cheating in some way, I start to feel more and more insecure. Me: Well that makes sense, right? Francesca: There is an exception to this and usually whenever I start to feel a little insecure, possessive and obsessive in a relationship, I make sure to get counselling. I make sure to get the support so that I'm coming back to the center and I've separated out what are my issues from my childhood versus what is my energetic intuition saying about this relationship. Me: Yep I get it. When a healthy influence turns to dysfunction Francesca: And so sometimes we do have some of our own issues from the past. But with all the therapy and everything...One week the therapists both said - even though they weren't talking to each other - in the same week they both said "I think you need to look at your relationship. I think you're not just grieving and I think that there are some things that might be unhealthy in your relationship" and they both said it interestingly enough the same week. So with this guy, something would just snap in him and he would begin to yell at me. He'd yell at me and shame me and denigrate me - not just for like three minutes, but I would time it. For fifteen minutes, for twenty minutes, for twenty five minutes, for thirty five minutes. Me: Right, so super unhealthy. Francesca: Super unhealthy! and I would tell him, you know, "I'm grieving, this is not okay, I can't handle this". It would be fine for a little while and then he'd go back to it again. Very emotionally abusive. I didn't actually find out until after we broke up that he had been... we also ended up teaching together and he had gone to some of the students in our classes after he found out that they had been molested as children, after he found out that they had terrible family backgrounds and it was hard for them to understand their boundaries. After he found that out, he would seduce them. Me: Whoa! He should be in jail! Seriously! Francesca: Yeah! I didn't find this out until after we broke up and then ... Me: So what did you do? What's the lesson here? Francesca: I tried to let my community know that this person was very, very unhealthy. And you know I did my best to get that information. But it felt terrible, really, really terrible. I had allowed him to stand beside me and teach, I'd actually helped promote him in my community. That's still something periodically that's heavy on my heart. And for me I want to say that I've learned to forgive myself and that's an important part of healing. Me: Oh yeah. Francesca: We can't just beat ourselves up, we have to get the lesson. Like what's the lesson? Part of that lesson - this is very interesting - when my mother died, no one came to visit. What do you do when someone dies? Where I come from back in the center of the United States, it's more farmland, it's more...people are in the same area generation after generation, and when someone dies, your friends show up or your family shows up and they bring you food. They understand that you're not going to want to cook, that you're going to feel sort of out of your body. So people show up and take care of you at least for the first couple of weeks if not longer. When my mother died, no one came to visit. I tried to email and say, you know, my mother has died, I feel very shattered, this is so hard, I'm having so many emotions...and no one came. Tough questions and enlightening answers A couple of months later when I was out in the world I would see my friends and I would say "Do you know that my mother died?" "Yes". "Okay uh...I'm curious, why didn't you stop by? Or why didn't you call?" And what I heard really highlighted the wounding that we have in our culture around grieving. So what they said was, "Well you're such an independent woman, I thought you would want to do it yourself". Well this is weird because you know, in most cultures in the world you grieve in community. You don't grieve by yourself! That's such a weird modernization. We're meant to do this together. And so I thought 'hmmm, that's a wound of culture that they thought I needed to grieve by myself'. Some people said that they were afraid of death. I understood that and I could have compassion for it, but I thought that's another wound of culture. Because death is so removed. It's in the hospital, it's far away, it's in a hospice. We don't see death like we would have seen it a hundred years ago, a couple hundred years ago where death was a part of life. You learn to work with it. Once again you learn. People would say "I wouldn't know what to say, I didn't want to make it worse". I would say "Well, let me give you an option. One possible thing to say is 'I'm so sorry for your loss'". Me: Yes exactly! Francesca: Fairly safe, but they literally didn't know that! Enter the life-changing answer So the answer that started to change my life was when people said, "Francesca of course I love you, of course you're important to me, but I thought that you're so well loved that you would have people that were closer to you than me. People who would be with you". And I said "Well what I think I hear you saying is that you don't realise that you're important to me. That you don't realise that you're actually really close to me". And they said "Yes!" and I thought 'Whose job is it to let you know that you're important to me?' Me: Yours! Francesca: It's my job! But I'm not doing a good job of letting people know that they actually matter to me! When walls no longer serve When I saw that I thought 'Oh my God! I have a wall around me'. It's the wall that I built to protect myself. I built it brick by brick as a child, as an adolescent, as a young woman. And I built this wall to try to protect me from being hurt by my family or being hurt by mean kids or etcetera. But now I realize this wall that has been designed to protect me also keeps people from me and I have spent my life proving my independence and that I can take care of myself. So if I need to move forward in life, the next development in life is to let people in to care for me and to let out, to be vulnerable, to reveal how important you are to me. Me: Wow! That is almost freaky because I had the same realization about the wall about a year ago. And in fact that was one of the reasons why I started this podcast! Because I thought, 'What way can I start to share some vulnerability with the world?' How can I start to yeah, just you know, tear down the wall, basically! So that is really freaky because I didn't know that that was going to come up today. Wow! Francesca's gift We have to wrap things up pretty soon but before we do that, I mean what an incredible story! I want to put links obviously to what you do in the show notes. But before we get to the food tips for this episode I know that you have very generously offered a special gift for our podcast listeners. So can you say something about that? Francesca: I have! You know, all of the suffering becomes a grace when we learn from it and in that we can help others. So if anybody's listening and they've suffered a lot, on the other side of that suffering is who you are as a healer. I want to offer my support to all of the listeners and to say that I'm happy to offer you a gift session by phone or Skype. This will be approximately forty five minutes to an hour. You would email relationshipdiva@gmail.com and put in the subject, 'gift session'. I'm happy to collaborate with you and really offer my support for our time together. Me: Wow! That is awesome Francesca, thank you so much. I know that people will take advantage of that because I mean you've got so much to offer in so many areas. Around sexuality and relationships and even, you know, life's journey and the whole thing. So thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it. It's been super, super having you on the podcast! So thank you again so, so much! A food that helps you fight depression and helps with balancing hormones So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a tiny but amazing food that can help fight depression as well as help with balancing hormones. And that food is... Flax seeds! Benefits of flax seeds, including balancing hormones Flax seeds are amazing and if you aren't eating them yet, you've got to get yourself some. The reason they can help fight depression is because they're high in omega-3 fatty acids. But they also can help with balancing hormones. I'll link to a study in the show notes that seems to say that eating flax seeds may help prevent some forms of cancer. Flax seeds are also high in fiber and low in carbs, and they help reduce sugar cravings, they improve your skin and hair...I mean there are just too many benefits to mention here, so I'll link to an article or two in the show notes if you'd like to read more about flax seeds. How you eat flax seeds Now, how do you eat flax seeds? Well, some people buy flaxseed oil and pour that over salads and veggies. What I like to do though is buy the whole seeds and then grind them quickly in a coffee grinder or high-speed blender. You can then sprinkle them over salads or cereals, or use them to make crackers, bread, pancakes and all kinds of things. They're great to thicken recipes. And of course if you want some specific recipes that use flax seeds, I've got a gorgeous recipe for Nut Burgers (and ketchup) in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I'll link to below. Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a true story to share, and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Francesca's website: www.FrancescaGentille.com For a 30 minute Gift Session, email Francesca and mention Gift Session from Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Article on benefits of flax seeds: https://draxe.com/10-flax-seed-benefits-nutrition-facts/ Article on brain benefits of flaxseed oil: http://www.livestrong.com/article/472237-flax-oil-for-mood-brain-functions/ Scientific study on flax seeds and cancer: http://clincancerres.aacrjournals.org/content/11/10/3828.short Recipe ebooks including 5-Minute Mains (for Nut Burgers and Ketchup recipes): https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/   About Francesca Gentillé Francesca Gentillé is a Certified Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Counselor. She is the popular internet radio host of Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra and co-author of the award-winning sex & relationship book "The Marriage of Sex & Spirit." Francesca is the co-director of the The Somatic Sensual Healing Institute, and the founder of The Sacred Courtesan School of Feminine Mystique and Power. She says: "There is no one true, right and only way to design a relationship, fulfill you purpose, or heal from past trauma. Together we will create a path that is uniquely suited to you. In a gentle, graceful yet powerful manner you will deepen your authentic life."

Aasia LaShay Bullock and Jon are in agreement when it comes to Santa: He is not necessary. If you want to raise your children sans Claus, then you should do it and save yourself the trouble of spinning progressively more complicated lies. Brandon Shockney does not agree with this opinion. Brandon's grip on the joys of Santa is like that of a bear trap upon your very leg. It is unyielding. It is dangerous. And it is probably going to kill us with time. But enough about Brandon being crazy. It's Christmas time at the Tanner house once more! "Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen" sees the Nuggets turning a sickly yellow at the very mention of old Chris Kringle, while Jesse and Michelle are finding themselves the hostage of a wildly cranky Mickey Rooney. Will anyone make it to Christmas Day alive? Doubtful! In other news, Aasia is taking us on a tour of hands free wine tech while waxing on her love for teen witches. And that movie we discuss? It's called 'The Star' and Oprah is not playing one of the animals, spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, Keegan-Michael Key is the dove, and Kelly Clarkson is playing a Goddamn HORSE.  Did we mention how thankful we are for the 101 RATINGS in the iTunes Store? Because we're incredibly thankful and are so happy to have you as a listener. "Me?" YES, YOU. Thank you! XOXO

Not a few days before the concert, I stopped by my local record store (yes they still exist), Rasputin’s Music, to ask if they had ‘the new Yes album’. The conversation went something like this: Rasputin’s Associate (RA): Yes album? Me: Yes, that is correct. ~scowls in confusion~ RA: Do you know the name of it? Me: The album cover is blue. ~RA picks up radio addressing front counter~ RA: ____ have you heard of the new Yes album? Counter: Yes? RA: Yes. Counter: The band’s name is Yes? RA: Yes. Counter: Was that an affirmation? RA: Yes. Y-E-S. Yes Counter: OK, let me check ~moments pass~ No. Download (right click and save as) Opening: “Long Distance runaround” Yes- Fragile Closing: “The Game” Yes - Heaven and Earth So in case you want to see what we saw, you can find the entire event (random drunkard screaming included) here. Also, I believe we referred to Steve’s acoustic piece as the Fish, this is a mistake of sleep deprivation on our part, we meant to say Mood for a Day. Sorry for any confusion, but hey, nobody’s perfect right?

Me: In the last episode, we talked about efforts to save charismatic animals from extinction. In this episode, we ask a very different question: is it ever ok to MAKE an animal go extinct? Not me: Of course not. It's immoral to just wipe a living creature off the face of the earth. Me: Well, let me tell you about an animal I - and the U.N. - think should be made extinct: the guinea worm. Guinea worms are these tiny little worms found in Asia and Africa. Not me: Nothing wrong with worms. Me: This worm is a parasite. People drink dirty water containing the worm's larvae, and these larvae burrow into their host's stomach and intestines. Photo from Wikipedia Not me: So what? There's plenty of food to go around. Me: I’ll tell you. After growing for about a year, the worm migrates to your feet, causing excruciating pain as it slithers through your leg. Then…a blister forms. Slowly, a worm three feet long and as thick as a spaghetti noodle crawls through your ruptured blister. The process often takes days, but the worst part about it is the horrible burning sensation you feel while the worm tunnels out of your body. Because it feels like your leg is on fire, you put your leg in water…at which point the worm releases her eggs, and the cycle starts all over again. Not me: KILL IT Me: Not so fast. These worms have brains and heartbeats and little worm children. Not me: KILL IT Me: Well, I do believe the guinea worm should be destroyed, but it helps to use something other than emotion in these decisions. There are generally two ways the value of a species is measured: instrumental value and intrinsic value. Instrumental value is the value of an animal as a means to an end. For example, bees pollinate about 2 billions dollars worth of crops in California each year. Intrinsic value is a little trickier to understand. Basically, it's the value an animal has in and of itself. There is some debate on what makes an animal have intrinsic value, but many ethicists think characteristics like self-awareness, a conception of existing over time, and holding preferences for the future are key. Not Me: So how does the worm stack up? Me: Well, it has negative instrumental value - it causes excruciating pain to people and doesn't seem to have any benefit. And its intrinsic value is pretty low - as such a simple animal, it is unlikely to fulfill many of the requirements of intrinsic value. Not me: So it's okay to get rid of it? Me: Yes, and people have been trying. In 1986, there were 3 and a half million cases of guinea worm disease. In 2010, there were less than two thousand. However, the decision to make an animal go extinct cannot be taken lightly. Just because an animal grosses us out does not mean it's alright to kill it. And many animals have hidden instrumental values. Next episode we'll talk about two more creatures, the disgusting leech and the lethal cigarette snail. Both of these animals, it turns out, have fantastic benefits for humans. But that's all the time we have for today. Thanks for listening. Photo: PD-USGOV.

exapme from the blog click links to read more from Neil. AUDIO from the bbc local radio - suplied from the internet/other podcasts and provided here simply incase you missed it. With the Wife with the Wife in Space Nuffink in ze world can stop us now! Except this story, obviously... A couple of hours before we settled down to watch The Underwater Menace, Sue and I appeared as guests on Bob Fischer's BBC Tees radio show to shamelessly plug this blog. You can listen to the edited highlights below (and Sue's PVC Dalek-suit anecdote was news to me!): Episode One Sue: That's just great. This story is going to star that ****ing hat. I hate that ****ing hat. We both enjoy the opening TARDIS scene, especially Jamie's reactions to the insanity he has walked into. There's a playful edge to the proceedings and a warmth we haven't really felt since the glory days of Ian, Susan and Barbara. We chuckle when Ben sarcastically hopes for the Daleks ("I bet the kids wouldn't have complained") while the Doctor's desire to encounter prehistoric monsters is dismissed out of hand ("not on this budget, love"). Me: Where do you hope they'll end up this time? Sue: Somewhere with decent carpentry. The TARDIS arrives on a beach and when Polly guesses at their whereabouts, Sue declares, in perfect harmony: Sue: Cornwall! It's always ****ing Cornwall! It doesn't take very long for our heroes to find themselves in danger: a platform they have been standing on is actually a lift, and as they hurtle beneath the sea, the TARDIS crew succumb to the bends. Sue: That's very interesting. Ben just asked Polly to get them out of there. He didn't ask the Doctor and he's standing right next to him. I don't blame Ben though; this Doctor is still pretty useless. When they regain consciousness, Polly finds some pottery with the logo for the 1968 Mexico Olympiad emblazoned on it, and then our heroes are confronted by a race of people dressed in clam shells and seaweed. Sue believes she has it sussed: Sue: Are they rehearsing for the Opening Ceremony? Their high priest even sports a fish on his head: Sue: Please tell me the Doctor doesn't get a hat like that. Just as Sue believes she has a handle on events, our heroes are strapped to some slabs and sadistically lowered toward a mad man's pet sharks. Sue: Is this a Bond movie now? Me: Yes. You Only Live 13 Times. Sue: Has this got anything to do with the Olympics? Anything at all? When the Doctor signs his name 'Dr. W', he reignites an old debate: Sue: You can't really argue with that, can you? That settles it: his name is Dr. Who. You'll just have to accept it, love. Me: Unless his real name begins with a W - Sue: Like Doctor Wibbly-Wobbly-Timey-Wimey? Would that make you feel any better? And does it really matter? I call him Dr. Who all the time - Me: Yes, I know. And every time you do it, part of me dies. When Professor Zaroff reveals that they are currently hanging out on the lost continent of Atlantis, Sue doesn't even flinch: Sue: Atlantis. Of course it's Atlantis. Where else would they be in this ****-ed up programme? So, it's James Bond on Atlantis? Gotcha. Thanks to those fainthearted Australians, the cliffhanger moves, although we find ourselves sympathising with the censor as Polly is strapped to a table and threatened with a large hypodermic needle by some evil scientists who want to turn her into a fish. Yes, a fish. Sue: I don't know what Polly is moaning about; I'd love to breathe underwater indefinitely. She could stick around and enter the 1972 Olympics. Mark Spitz would have nothing on her. Episode Two Me: How short is Polly's surgical gown - Sue: Trust you to notice that, love. The hot topic of conversation during this episode is Zaroff. Who else? Sue: He reminds me of that mad scientist from that show you love: Comedy Theater 2000 - Me: Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Sue: That's it. He reminds me of the mad scientist from that: an over-the-top pantomime villain. Me: Believe it or not, the guy playing him is actually a very fine actor - Sue: Oh, I don't doubt it. He's just having a laugh with the part. And who can blame him? How else would you play this character? His plan is completely pointless; there's no clever reason for him to do any of this, he just wants to blow up the world. There's no benefit or motive at all. Me: He's insane. Sue: It's lazy. With no motivation or backstory you have to play him as a larger-than-life lunatic. I like him; he's committed. He's definitely the funniest villain we've had in the series so far. When Ben and Jamie are taken to the mines of Atlantis, a high pitched whining cuts through the scene. We assume it represents the sound of the drilling but whatever it is, it's making our teeth itch. Sue: If we were 16 years old, we would hear that sound whenever we went near an off-license - Me: Have you warmed to Troughton yet? He's basically playing his version of the Doctor now. More or less. Sue: He reminds me of Ken Dodd in some of these stills. That one in particular (see right). The music doesn't help. It's atrocious. It sounds like they've let a small child loose on a Bontempi organ. This is the worst music that I've heard in the series so far. Who's responsible for it? Me: An Australian called Dudley Simpson - Sue: Sack him. He's rubbish. Episode Three Finally, after enduring thirteen consecutive recons (count them! thirteen!), we are reunited with a real bona fide episode. I never thought I'd ever hear myself say this but thank Amdo for The Underwater Menace Episode 3. Sue: Even though the story is still a complete mess, it's a thousand times easier to follow it when it exists. I don't want to state the bleedin' obvious but even the very worst story improves when you can actually see it. The recons I gave good scores to must have been incredible - The highlight of the episode for Sue is, of course, the sight of Jamie and Ben in tight-fitting rubber: Sue: Given the state of some of their costumes, they should have called this story The Underwear Menace. Me: I think the playwright Joe Orton mentioned this story in his diary. Or was it in Salmon Rushdie's The Satanic Verses? No, it must have been Joe Orton; he fancied Jamie in his rubber suit, I think. Or maybe it was Kenneth Williams. My memory is almost as bad as yours. Sue: Jamie and Ben wouldn't look out of place at that nightclub, Heaven. As if to accentuate this observation, Jamie and Ben suddenly launch themselves into the campest salute this side of 'Allo 'Allo. Sue: I'll say no more. Sue: Does Troughton ever go through a story where he doesn't play that bloody recorder? And are there any stories where he doesn't dress up at the drop of a hat (which he'll probably pick up and put on)? He's a borderline transvestite. Me: You might want to hold onto something during the next scene. We're about to meet the Fish People. Sue: They look like a second-rate dance troupe who are waiting to audition for Britain's Got Talent. They're probably going to do a up-tempo version of Yellow Submarine. A miner called Jacko attempts to turn the Fish People into striking militants. He does this by winding them up a bit. At one point he cries, "Are you not men?" and, quick as a flash, Sue replies: Sue: No! We're fish! What are you, blind? Hang on, is that Polly in a snorkel? Me: No, it's a Fish Person. Sue: They're having a laugh. And then it happens. Impossible to describe. Impossible to watch. Sue: This is the lowest point in Doctor Who yet. By some considerable margin. Please make it stop. Me: Is this worse than ? Sue: Oh yes, this is even more half-arsed. Me: It's like a perverse joke: you wait 13 episodes for a real episode and then you get this. Sue: I take it all back - this would have been much better as a recon. Something that really niggles at us is the Fish People's economic impact on Atlantis, which is based on the assumption that the food they farm must be consumed immediately: Sue: OK, let me get this straight: Zaroff has a nuclear reactor but he hasn't got a fridge - or, better still, a fridge freezer - to put any food in? That makes no sense at all. Me: This is your first proper look at Patrick Troughton. Have you formed an opinion yet? Sue: I feel a little more comfortable with him now that I've seen him in action. He's far more animated than I expected and he's definitely got charisma. There's something about him. Sadly, the director isn't doing him any favours so I'll have to reserve judgement until I've seen some more. And then we reach the moment The Underwater Menace is probably best known for. But immediately before it arrives - and I'd completely forgotten this - Zaroff stabs someone with a spear, he shoots someone at point-blank range and then he has two others killed off-screen. It's horrific! But it's completely eclipsed by what follows: Sue: Wow. It's so mesmerising, we have to watch it again. And again. And again. Sue: He's having a whale of a time. Me: I'm glad someone is. Episode Four Sue: I still can't believe he didn't bring some fridges with him. Still, I guess if you are planning to blow up the world you can't think of everything. You know, I think every episode of Doctor Who could be improved with a Zaroff. The only thing missing is a scene of him tearing his hair out as he screams, "Why am I surrounded by idiots!". Me: There's still twenty minutes to go. I wouldn't rule anything out. Sue: I like the way the show has kept to its educational remit. Me: What? Sue: Jamie is from the past and therefore he doesn't understand what radioactivity is. Some of the children watching this wouldn't know either - Me: Yeah, that's great. There's just one tiny problem: they don't explain it. Polly says she can't be bothered! Polly and Jamie are struggling to escape the rising waters of Atlantis: Sue: It's turned into a disaster movie now. Me: Oh, it's a disaster all right. Sue: Why is Polly wearing a fireplace corbel on her head? Me: I don't even know what that means. Thanks to those Aussie wimps, we get to see Professor Zaroff drown. Well, I say drown... Sue: That's not drowning! Zaroff has hours left before the water rises above his head! Maybe he was bored and he decided to commit suicide? The world saved, the Doctor and his companions leave the Atlantans to it. Sue: Why are they bothering to rebuild Atlantis anyway? Why don't they just move up to the surface? They've got fridges up there. And while they missed the 1968 Olympics, Mexico have got the World Cup in 1970. It would be a shame if they missed it. The Final Score Sue: That was bonkers. And a little bit shit. 2/10 Sue: Zaroff was excellent, though. I could watch him all day. I'm not convinced that he's dead either; I think he was just wetting his hair a bit. He should definitely return in the new series. The League of Gentlemen could play him. Me: What, all of them? The experiment continues. Tags: , , , , Click to share this