A Way Beyond the Rainbow

Send us a textA glimpse into the new sequel podcast series, "Voices from Beyond the Rainbow", starting summer 2025, inshaAllah.Voices from Beyond the Rainbow podcast websiteTo sign up as a guest: Sign-up FormBackground music: "Perfection" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)

In the podcast finale, we take a look at the entire journey across all five seasons and reflect on key take-home messages and memorable words from my guests and co-hosts. We wrap up with acknowledgments, a dedication, and final words and prayers.Link to A Way Beyond the Rainbow bookBackground music used in the episode:(0:39-4:14) Now We Are Free (theme from Gladiator), 2CELLOS(4:14-7:39) River Flows in You, Yiruma(7:39-13:51) Adagio in G Minor (Albinoni), HAUSER with the Zagreb Philharmonic Orchestra(13:51-17:21) The Lonely Shepherd (Georghe Zamfir and James Last), HAUSER with the London Symphony Orchestra(17:22-23:04) My Heart Will Go On (theme from Titanic by James Horner), 2CELLOS(23:05-31:00) A Way of Life (theme from The Last Samurai), Hans Zimmer(31:01-33:53) Once Upon a Time in the West (Ennio Morricone), HAUSER(33:54-37:31) Tennessee (theme from Pearl Harbor), Hans Zimmer(37:32-39:28) La Valse d'Amélie (Version orchestre), Yann Tiersen(39:28-44:26) Never Too Late, Yanni(44:27-48:56) Playing by Heart, Yanni(48:57-51:45) House of Cards, Audiomachine(51:54-57:45) Guardians at the Gate, Audiomachine (extended)(57:46-1:01:12) Song of the Caged Bird, Lindsey Stirling(1:01:13-1:07:29) Farewell - In His Purest Form, Yanni(1:07:30-1:10:23) Breath and Life, Audiomachine (extended)(1:10:24-1:13:07) Above and Beyond, Audiomachine(1:13:08-1:17:07) In the Mirror, Yanni(1:17:08-1:20:04) Almost a Whisper (Seléna's Theme), Yanni(1:20:45-1:25:20) Chopin's Nocturne in C Sharp Minor (Frédéric Chopin), HAUSER with the London Symphony Orchestra(1:25:25-1:28:41) Mia and Sebastian's Theme (theme from La La Land by Justin Hurwitz), HAUSER with the Zagreb Philharmonic Orchestra(1:28:43-1:31:31) Valerie (theme from V for Vendetta), Dario Marianelli

A blooper reel featuring many of the out-takes with Amina and Aadam that didn't make it to the final cut.

This episode is a discussion with Imam Dawud Walid on the current challenges facing imams, chaplains and community leaders given the current global pro-LGBT socio-political climate, and how we, as Muslim communities, can help our imams and community leaders navigate these challenges so they can, in turn, effectively help their communities.What are some of the struggles that imams and community leaders face in their mosques and communities as far as issues related to same-sex attractions or gender dysphoria? Why are imams scattered when it comes to these matters and not unified in their stance? What is the "jurisdiction" of imams and community leaders in that regard, and what is out of their league? How can we support our imams, chaplains and community leaders as we pave our way together amidst all of these challenges? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Imam Dawud Walid's books:- Towards Sacred Activism- Blackness and Islam- Centering Black Narrative: Black Muslim Nobles Among the Early Pious Muslims- Centering Black Narrative: Ahl al-Bayt, Blackness & Africa

This episode is a discussion with Br. Yahya Van Rooy on the current challenges facing teachers, educators and school administrators given the LGBT paradigm, and how Muslims parents and teachers can navigate them together.How can we provide the Muslim youth with firm footing so as not to be swayed by modern media and pop culture? How can we help students navigate challenges with regards to the LGBT narrative within their own schools? How can we support teachers and parents navigate those challenges? How do we, as fellow students, teachers and staff members, deal with students "coming out" in our schools? What resources are available for Muslim teachers and educators? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources mentioned in the episode:- ISLA course outline "Addressing LGBTQ issues in our schools and communities" (with resource links)- Working Towards Principles on Islamic Sexual Ethics (slideshow)- Religious Schools and Colleges Guidance for Same Sex Issues, Sample and Model Policies from the Christian Legal Society

This is part II of a two-episode series with Dr. Ty Mansfield and his wife Danielle where we talk about their personal experience with their mixed-orientation marriage.In this episode, we dive deep into spiritual themes, as well as how we can support men and women experiencing SSA or GD in our communities. How important is recognizing one's Divine purpose in our individual and collective journeys? What can Muslims learn from the Mormon experience in providing appropriate safe spaces and support systems for men and women experiencing SSA or GD? What are ongoing projects that we can help support and learn from? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode. References mentioned in the episode:- North Star International- Voices of Hope project- Voices of Hope: Latter-Day Saint Perspectives on Same Gender Attraction- An Anthology of Gospel Teachings and Personal Essays- In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction- Voices of Hope podcast

This is part I of a two-episode series with Dr. Ty Mansfield and his wife Danielle where we talk about their personal experience with their mixed-orientation marriage.In this episode, we explore Ty and Danielle's personal journeys, how far Ty has come with his own journey of healing and growth, as well as Danielle's perspective as a wife of a man who experiences SSA. We talk about spirituality and God's love, vulnerability, intimacy and growth. What are the challenges of going into a mixed-orientation marriage, and how can we navigate that? How can we cultivate more intimacy in this marriage context? How do we deal with other people's assumptions and judgments? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode. 

This episode is dedicated to current and potential spouses of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions and/or gender dysphoria.In this episode, I read out survey responses sent by members of the online Straight Struggle community addressing current and potential spouses, and we discuss pertinent themes for spouses and answer frequently-asked questions. Why didn't he/she inform me before marriage and wait until now? Will he/she ever change? How do I deal with other people's opinions and judgments, particularly those coming from family? How do I deal with my insecurity and jealousy from my husband seeing other men or being with them, even though I know that there's nothing sexual or intimate going on? I discovered my spouse has a porn and masturbation addiction, or he's sexually acting out and has a sex addiction, what should I do? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard CohenInternational support systems for family members (including spouses):- Straight Struggle support group (online, Muslim-based, international)- Strong Support's "Spouses Support Circle" (Muslim-based, UK and international)- Positive Approaches To Healthy Sexuality (PATHS)- Brothers Road (US and international), including resources for wives, "A Woman Who Loves" (retreat), "A Woman's Heart" (coaching), relevant Facebook groups, and webinar - North Star Alliance (Mormon-based, international), including Voices of Hope and Journeys of FaithRelevant articles:- ‘What I Wish My Wife Understood About My Same-Sex Attraction': What Men Say- ‘What I Wish My Husband Understood About How His Same-Sex Attraction Affects Me': What Women SayFor porn and sexual compulsive behaviors:- Counseling services: Sexual Recovery Institute, Purify Your Gaze (Muslim organization), Life Star Network, Bethesda Workshops- Information for Spouses and Partners of Sex Addicts- Other helpful resources: Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), NoFap (main website, Reddit “NoFap” forum, Reddit "Muslim NoFap" forum)- Coffee With Karim podcast episode 59: "My Spouse has a Pornography Addiction" with guest speaker Zeyad Ramadan

This is part IV of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).In this episode, Aadam and I wrap up the discussion on healing with the topic of community healing, and then we answer frequently-asked questions from parents and family members of individuals experiencing SSA or GD. How important are therapists and mentors in the healing journey, and what are their responsibilities? Will my child ever "change"? If my child or sibling invites me to read their pro-LGBT material or attend their meetings, should I do that? How can I help my child overcome his/her porn habits and unwanted sexual behaviors? My son or daughter is having a gay wedding, should I attend? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi

This is part III of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).In this episode, Aadam and I discuss practical tips and advice for parents and families of individuals experiencing SSA and GD, and we tackle proper communication skills and conflict resolution techniques. To what extent are time, touch and talk important in the lives of children, adolescents and young adults, and how can I offer that? How and why should the same-sex parent become more invested and the opposite-sex parent take two steps back? If my son is rejecting me, how can I, as a father, rebuild my relationship with him? Why are hands-on activities, sports and physical roughhousing necessary in the lives of boys and men, and how can we invite them to participate in these activities? How do we know if what we're doing is right and the level of intervention is appropriate? If I am a single mom or a single dad, how can I best guarantee the proper gender development of my opposite-sex child? How can I improve my communication skills with my child, resolve conflicts with them and learn more about their love language? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode. References used in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames NicolosiOther references mentioned in the episode:- Scene from the movie, Good Will Hunting- The Five Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman- The Five Love Languages Quiz- "Knowing Your Child's Love Language" - summary document

This is part II of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).In this episode, Aadam and I discuss the notions of gender confusion in childhood and highlight important considerations for parents dealing with young boys and girls as well as adolescents experiencing gender nonconformity, SSA and/or GD. What are signs that my child or family member is experiencing gender identity confusion? What are some possible causes for this? When should I be worried? How can I replace cross-gender toys and clothes to which my child is attached with more gender-affirming toys and clothes without hurting his/her feelings? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.References used in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi

This is part I of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).In this episode, we read out survey responses sent by members of the online Straight Struggle community addressing parents and siblings, and we cover pertinent themes related to personal healing for parents and family members. What do men and women experiencing SSA or GD hope to get from their parents and family members? How can I, as a parent, sibling or family member of an individual with SSA or GD, navigate the "shock factor"? How can I step into their world and see things from their eyes? What does "unconditional love" mean, and can I still love them unconditionally while disagreeing with their behaviors and lifestyle choices? Why is doing my own work necessary before I help my child, sibling or family member who experiences SSA or GD? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.References used in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames NicolosiInternational support systems for parents and family members:- Straight Struggle support group (online, Muslim-based, international) - Strong Support's "Parent's Support Circle" (Muslim-based, UK and international)- Positive Approaches To Healthy Sexuality (PATHS)- Brothers Road (US and international)- North Star Alliance (Mormon-based, international), including Voices of Hope and Journeys of Faith- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX)- Focus on the Family, Jeff Johnston (Christian-based)- Courage International (Christian-based)Healing seminars and family healing sessions:- Positive Approaches To Healthy Sexuality (PATHS)- Mankind Project (MKP)- Adventure into Manhood (AIM)- Brothers Road (US and international) - Woman Within- COR Experience: Noble Man and Women's Immersion Weekend - Celebration of Being - for men and for women

This is part II of a 2-episode series with Sh. Mustafa Umar addressing Shar'i perspectives related to gender nonconformity, gender dysphoria and transgenderism.Is gender transitioning unconditionally prohibited in Islam or are there particular exceptions?  How do we, as families and communities, deal with individuals undergoing gender transitioning? How do we deal with individuals who identify as gender non-binary or gender-fluid, particularly if they are Muslim? How do we deal with situations where we have to "declare our preferred pronouns"? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.

This is part I of a 2-episode series with Sh. Mustafa Umar addressing Shar'i perspectives related to gender nonconformity, gender dysphoria and transgenderism.Are the gender roles defined by Islam rigid or flexible compared to modern Western notions of gender roles? If gender roles are, to a degree, socially determined, what are the permissible limits of not conforming to such gender roles? Where do individuals who identify as gender-fluid or gender non-binary fit in the Islamic paradigm? For individuals who imitate the opposite gender, what does imitation involve and what would be considered blameworthy? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.

In this episode, Br. Mobeen Vaid and I discuss the Islamic perspectives on gender-reassignment surgeries as well as the ripple effects of the modern day transgender movement.What are the major Islamic fatawa regarding sex-reassignment surgeries within Sunni and Shi'a Islam? On what grounds were such fatwas issued to begin with? Do communities like the Hijras in Pakistan and Bangladesh as well as the Warias in Indonesia represent legitimate "third gender" communities? What are the ripple effects of the modern trans movement on family units, schools and academia, Muslim scholarship, as well as our mosques and  places of worship? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 2) by Mobeen Vaid and Waheed Jensen- When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment by Ryan Anderson- Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters by Abigail Shrier- The Man Who Would Be Queen: The Science of Gender-Bending and Transsexualism by Michael Bailey- 4thWaveNow website

In this episode, we dive deep into the topics of gender dysphoria and transgenderism from scientific and medical perspectives, by exploring the most recent research and developments on the topic.Are there biological factors that contribute to transgenderism? Is gender dysphoria one entity or are there different kinds of it? What is the genesis of gender dysphoria and how is it treated nowadays? Is the “affirmative model” healthy and appropriate for individuals struggling with gender dysphoria? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used in this episode:- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 2) by Mobeen Vaid and Waheed Jensen (references for medical articles included therein)- Time to Hit Pause on 'Pausing' Puberty in Gender-Dysphoric Youth- Transgender Docs Warn About Gender-Affirmative Care for Youth- Sex Change RegretSupport groups and relevant resources:- International: Genspect, Partners for Ethical Care, Parents of ROGD Kids, Our Duty,  Gender Identity Challenge Scandinavia (GENID)- USA: 4thWaveNow, Child and Parental Rights Campaign- UK: Bayswater Support Group, Transgender Trend,  Safe School Alliance UK, Fair Play for Women- Canada: Canadian Gender Report, Detrans CanadaDetrans support groups: Reddit detrans server, Post Trans, Detrans Voices, Lost in Transition,  Pique Resilience Project

In this episode, we continue our discussion of gender nonconformity with Br. Mobeen Vaid, and we discuss the notions of gender atypical individuals from an Islamic perspective, as well as the concepts of intersex/disorders of sexual development from a medical perspective.What are the differences between al-khunthā al-mushkil (ambiguous khunthā), al-mukhannath al-khilqī (congenital mukhannath) and al-mukhannath ghayr al-khilqī (affected or non-congenital mukhannath)? Does khunthā represent a third gender? To what extent does Islam accommodate gender atypical individuals and guarantee their legal rights under Shari'a? Who is the verse in the Qur'an about "men who possess no sexual desire for women" referring to exactly? Biologically and medically speaking, how do intersex syndromes arise and how can they be treated? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used in this episode:- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 1) by Mobeen Vaid- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 2) by Mobeen Vaid and Waheed JensenExtra resources:- Intersex Society of North America - official website- Support and advocacy groups for intersex individuals - here and here

With this episode, we begin a series of episodes addressing the topics of gender, gender nonconformity, gender dysphoria and transgenderism.In this episode, Br. Mobeen Vaid joins me in a discussion on gender and gender nonconformity in the modern world and from an Islamic legal perspective. Why are we witnessing an explosion of gender and sexual identities nowadays, and where is this expansion heading? Does Islam have a constructionist or essentialist view when it comes to one's gender? Does Islamic Shari'a allow flexibility in terms of our gender expression, or are we limited to strict and predefined “gender roles”? Does Islam allow for leeway in non-typical interests and pursuits for men and women? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References mentioned in the episode:- “And the Male Is Not like the Female”: Sunni Islam and Gender Nonconformity (Part 2)Relevant writings by Br. Mobeen:- On Openness- Men, Women, and the Perils of Constructionism- On Gender Wars, #Metoo, and Building a Program of Virtue and Dignity- Appraising Motherhood- On Muslim Masculinity- Why Marriage Requires Meaning

This is part II of a 2-episode series with Sh. Mustafa Umar addressing contemporary issues and Shar'i perspectives related to same-sex attractions and gender identity issues.Is Islam a "homophobic" or "transphobic" religion? Where do we, as Muslim communities, stand on "LGBT rights" and same-sex marriage? Is it permissible for me to attend a same-sex marriage? How do we deal with "progressive" or "reformist" Muslims pushing pro-LGBT agendas on our communities? How do we deal with Muslim reverts who identify as part of the LGBT community? How do we deal with particular workplace rules and regulations that are pro-LGBT and may be in direct contradiction with our Islamic values? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.

This is part I of a 2-episode series with Sh. Mustafa Umar addressing contemporary issues and Shar'i perspectives related to same-sex attractions and gender identity issues.How can parents, family members and friends support and embrace individuals with same-sex attractions and/or gender dysphoria without compromising their values and Deen? How do we deal with men or women in our families/circle of friends who have "come out" as part of the LGBT community and are living the lifestyle? From an Islamic legal perspective, what are the punishments of same-sex sexual behaviors and some of the common misconceptions surrounding that? Do same-sex sexual acts, the declaration of such acts as halal, or being in a same-sex marriage put one out of the fold of Islam? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.Talks given by Sh. Mustafa Umar:- Islam and Homosexuality: Drawing the Lines- What Does Islam Really Say About Homosexuality?- Teaching Transgender Ideology In California Schools: What Muslims Need to Know

This is part II of a 2-episode series with Br. Mobeen Vaid addressing revisionist arguments pertaining to homosexuality within Islam.In this episode, Mobeen and I discuss the punishments of sodomy according to Islamic Shari'a, to what extent Islam can be considered a "sex positive" religion, as well as the notions of marriage and celibacy for men and women who experience same-sex attractions. Under what conditions is sodomy punished by Islamic law, and why is there no consensus on this matter? Since a lot of homoerotic prose and poetry were written during the Islamic Golden Age, and we also know of famous Islamic scholars from the past, like Ibn Dāwūd al-Ẓāhirī, Ibn ʿArabī, and Ibn Ḥazm who had homoerotic feelings, wouldn't all of this constitute an acknowledgment and acceptance of homosexuality? Is it fair or just that Islam denies men and women who experience same-sex attractions their rights to sexual fulfillment? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources used and references mentioned in the episode:- "Can Islam Accommodate Homosexual Acts? Quranic Revisionism and the Case of Scott Kugle" by Mobeen Vaid

This is part I of a 2-episode series with Br. Mobeen Vaid addressing revisionist arguments pertaining to homosexuality within Islam.In this episode, Mobeen and I discuss the sociocultural backdrop of this kind of revisionism, particularly within Islam, and we address relevant arguments related to terminology as well as the story of the people of Prophet Lut (PBUH). What are the broader assumptions taken for granted by revisionist narratives? Does the Qur'an explicitly and unequivocally prohibit same-sex sexual acts? What were the people of Lut (PBUH) condemned and punished for according to textual proof? Do the themes of "rape" and "consent" have any room in the interpretation of the relevant verses? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources used and references mentioned in the episode:- "Can Islam Accommodate Homosexual Acts? Quranic Revisionism and the Case of Scott Kugle" by Mobeen Vaid

In this episode, we tackle the notions of toxic masculinity and discuss the waves of opposing feminist movements with their ripple effects on the global community. We also highlight the importance of the Prophetic example in paving the way for God-conscious, healthy masculinity.What are the "Man Rules" and "Woman Rules" that we take for granted, and how do they contribute to toxic masculinity in our cultures? Are gender differences socially constructed? What does Islam say about the similarities and differences between the male and the female? How can we reclaim our masculinity in light of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)'s Sunnah and Divine Revelation? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in the episode:- A Man's Way through Relationships: Learning to Love and Be Loved by Dan Griffin- A Man's Way through the Twelve Steps by Dan Griffin- Dan Griffin's podcast, "The Man Rules Podcast"- Helping Men Recover: A Man's Workbook, Special Edition for the Criminal Justice System by Stephanie S. Covington, Dan Griffin and Rick Dauer- Boys will be Boys - Gender identity issues by Sh. Abdal-Hakim Murad- Fall of the Family by Sh. Abdal-Hakim Murad- Islam, Irigaray, and the Retrieval of Gender by Sh. Abdal-Hakim Murad- "Gender, Sexuality, Morality and Identity" webinar by Dr. Sharif El-Tobgui- Addressing the Specific Behavioral Health Needs of Men by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)- Feminist movements and waves of feminism explained here and here- “Be a Man!” Constructing Prophetic Masculinity by Yaqeen Institute- Talks with Gabriel Al-Romaani: The Prophet of Masculinity and How to be a Real Man

This is part II of a 2-episode series that addresses the history and politics of the gay liberation movement, the influence of the LGBT movement on countless aspects of everyday life and how far things have progressed in a few decades.How has the LGBT movement influenced media outlets, religious discourse, school curricula and global corporations over the past few decades? Why and how did the American Psychological Association (APA) remove homosexuality from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)? How did we get to a point where any therapy other than gay- or trans-affirmative therapy is outlawed? How does the trajectory look like moving forward, and what can we do as Muslims and members of faith communities around the world to stay true to our faiths and value systems? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources used and references mentioned in the episode:- A Queer Thing Happened to America: And What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been by Michael Brown- "Can Islam Accommodate Homosexual Acts? Quranic Revisionism and the Case of Scott Kugle" by Mobeen Vaid- Strong Support webinars: Therapeutic Choice with Mike Davidson; Trends in Therapy for Unwanted Same Sex Lust and Q&A with Andrew Rodriguez; Them Before Us with Katy Faust- Them Before Us: Why We Need a Global Children's Rights Movement by Katy FaustAdditional relevant resources:- "Where The Rainbow Ends: American Muslims And LGBT Activism" by Mobeen Vaid- Same-Sex Marriage: Not Best for Children - statements, Amicus briefs, research, press releases and commentaries- Homosexual Parenting: A Scientific Analysis by the American College of Pediatricians- No Basis: What the Studies Don't Tell Us About Same-Sex Parenting by Robert Lerner and Althea K. Nagai

With this episode, we commence the fifth and final season of the podcast which focuses on sociopolitical and religious topics, themes related to gender and transgenderism,  as well as broader topics of relevance to the larger community. The season premieres with a 2-episode series that addresses the history and politics of the gay liberation movement, the influence of the LGBT movement on countless aspects of everyday life and how far things have progressed in a few decades.How did the gay liberation movement start and progress over the past few decades? In what ways was the book After the Ball foundational in laying out the vision and plans for society's desensitization towards the LGBT community, as well as the acceptance and even celebration of queerness and homosexuality, as part of a fight towards civil rights and integration into mainstream politics? In what ways have the Orwellian themes of Newspeak, thought crimes and thought police become a tangible reality in today's world? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources used in the episode:- After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred of Gays in the '90s by Marshall Kirk and Hunter Madsen- A Queer Thing Happened to America: And What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been by Michael Brown

This is part II of a 2-episode series on the topic of self-esteem and becoming more confident in our lives.In this season finale, Aadam and I discuss imposter syndrome, how to deal with fear of rejection and criticism, as well as practical tips to boosting one's confidence. What are the different kinds of imposter syndrome and how can we overcome them? What's the difference between feedback and criticism, and how can I deal with the latter? How can I stop taking things personally in my life? How can I build my sense of self-confidence on a daily basis? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Imposter Syndrome Test (Clance IP Scale)- "The Surprising Solution to the Imposter Syndrome " TED talk by Lou Solomon- "7 Psychology Tricks to Build Unstoppable Confidence" video by TopThink- "How To Improve Self Esteem" video by Marisa Peer- "How not to take things personally?" TED talk by Frederik Imbo- "How to Deal with Criticism" - A Monk's Perspective- "How to Build Self Confidence" TED talk by CeCe Olisa

This is part I of a 2-episode series on the topic of self-esteem and becoming more confident in our lives.In this episode, Aadam and I introduce self-esteem and self-confidence, touch upon some relevant spiritual themes and dive into the six pillars of self-esteem. How does living consciously contribute to my self-esteem? How can I practice more self-acceptance on a daily basis and take responsibility for my life? How can I become more assertive and stand up for my rights and ideas? How does maintaining integrity in my life contribute to my self-confidence? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden - "What Is Spiritually Centered Confidence?" article on ProductiveMuslim- "The Prophetic Model of Confidence Webinar" by The Productive Muslim Company- "The Prophetic Model of Courage & Its Practical Application Today" article on ProductiveMuslim

This is part II of a 2-episode series on the topic of self-discipline and building healthy habits.In this episode, Aadam and I discuss building atomic habits, overcoming procrastination and failure, and developing morning routines. How can I build healthy habits consistently and overcome some of my bad habits? How can I deal with distractions in my life and overcome procrastination? Why is a morning routine important and what does it constitute? How can I develop a contingency plan in case I fail? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in the episode:- Atomic Habits by James Clear- The School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a Legacy by Lewis Howes- Mindful Self-Discipline by Giovanni Dienstmann- "A Better Way to Track Your Habits" video by Thomas Frank (including the Journal Method)- Habit-tracking apps: Habitica, Habit Bull and Strides - Fabulous app - build better habits and achieve your goals- The concept of dopamine detox: example videos here, here and here.- Lewis Howes' "School of Greatness" podcast episodes: on overcoming procrastination + on creating the perfect morning routine- Explanation of the Pomodoro technique- Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...and Maybe the World by Admiral William H. McRaven (also see his viral talk here)- "The Two-Day Rule" by Matt D'AvellaExtra books on time management and overcoming procrastination:- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People  by Stephen Covey- Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy- The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss- Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David AllenMindful time management resources (Giovanni Dienstmann): time planning, boundaries, awareness,  and time focus.

This is part I of a 2-episode series on the topic of self-discipline and building healthy habits.In this episode, Aadam and I outline the differences between self-discipline, motivation, willpower and self-control, highlight the benefits of self-discipline, and discuss practical methods to cultivating that in our daily lives. How can I prevent my "monkey mind" from taking over when I try to work or study? How can I develop practical goals, aspirations and strategies in my life? How can I start building more structure, focus and discipline in my life, and how can I develop more willpower to do the things I have to do even when I don't feel like doing them? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in the episode:- "5 Timeless Strategies for Building Self-Discipline" by Sam Thomas Davies- Dandapani's tips to developing willpower, video on Youtube- "Jordan Peterson's Method for Self Discipline" video by TopThink- Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day by Jay Shetty- "Master Self-Discipline" video by Jay Shetty- The School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a Legacy by Lewis Howes - Mindful Self-Discipline by Giovanni Dienstmann - "Marcus Aurelius – How To Build Self Discipline (Stoicism)" video by Philosophies for Life- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius- Take the Stairs: 7 Steps to Achieving True Success by Rory Vaden- Don't Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and It's All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life by Richard CarlsonDeveloping practical plans of action (resources from Giovanni Dienstmann, in order):- Start with Purpose, Difference between Goals and Aspirations, and Specify Your Aspiration with SMART Goals (also: Want-to Goals vs. Have-to Goals)- Find your: Core Values, Deeper Why and Role Models- Design Your Aspirational Identity, Magnify Your Aspiration and cultivate The Triple Commitment

*TRIGGER WARNING: Episode discusses themes of sexual abuse, assault and rape*This is part II of a 2-episode series on the topic of sexual abuse, assault and rape.In this episode, we discuss the process of defining and processing sexual abuse experiences and outline stages of healing, practical work and different coping strategies. We also cover the topic of rape, as well as the intricacies involved with disclosing sexual abuse experiences to loved ones. We also offer tips to parents, spouses, family members and friends of individuals who experienced sexual abuse or rape.What are some barriers that prevent sexual abuse survivors from healing and recovering? What are the different stages of recovery, and what are practical recommendations to help me heal? Should I disclose my sexual abuse trauma to my spouse, family or friends, and how can I do that? If I am a survivor of rape, what are some important considerations to take into account? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in the episode:- Dr. Jim Hopper's website- Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse, by Mic Hunter- Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman- The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, by Laura Davis (book and workbook) - Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, by Jay Stringer - Sexual Assault Resource Guide from HealthLine- Recommended books and films from the "1in6" websiteMale-oriented websites, support groups and resources: "1in6" website, Male Survivor website, Mankind Initiative (UK), Dr. Richard Gartner's website, Living Well website, British Columbia Society for Male Survivors of Sexual AbuseFor males and females:- Sexual Assault Demonstration Initiative: Online support groups and general resources for survivors of sexual violence- S.H.E UK- Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)- The Survivors Trust (UK)- International support: Handbook of International Centers for Survivors of Sexual Assault and Harassment- National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA)For parents and families: Stop It Now organization, books and films for parentsSuicide Prevention Resource Guide from HealthLine

*TRIGGER WARNING: Episode discusses themes of sexual abuse, assault and rape*This is part I of a 2-episode series on the topic of sexual abuse, assault and rape.In this episode, we tackle some relevant definitions and statistics, discuss some reasons why survivors do not disclose their sexual abuse experiences, and highlight some of the psychological and emotional repercussions of sexual abuse. We also cover some facts and myths with regards to unwanted sexual experiences, particularly those relating to male sexual abuse.Why do many survivors of sexual abuse experiences keep such incidents to themselves and prefer secrecy? Why is there more shame surrounding male sexual abuse than female sexual abuse? Do childhood sexual abuse experiences contribute to the development of same-sex attractions? Is there a chance for survivors of sexual abuse to become perpetrators themselves? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Guidelines from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry on communicating with survivors of childhood sexual abuse- Jim Hopper: Sexual Assault and the Brain- Booklet “Understanding Children's Sexual Behaviors: What's Natural and Healthy” by Dr. Toni Cavanagh Johnson- "Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children?” online guidebook by  "Stop It Now"- "Why Do People Sexually Use or Abuse Children?" article from 1in6 website- "Am I Going to Become Abusive?" article from 1in6 website

This is the fourth and last part of our 4-episode comprehensive series on understanding and overcoming porn and sex addictions. In this episode, we examine together relevant spiritual themes on the journey of sexual recovery, including patience, perseverance, surrender, repentance and going back to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. We also discuss many lessons from the story of Prophet Yunus (PBUH) in relation to sexual recovery.What are some gems that we can learn from Prophet Yunus (PBUH)'s story that are relevant to our journey of recovery from addictions and unwanted behaviors? How can my temptations, habits and sins turn into prayers and a path to the Divine? How can the themes of patience, surrender, admitting one's powerlessness and tawbah form the foundation of my recovery and healing journey?  These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Coffee With Karim podcast episode 9: "Sex, Porn & Paradise"  with guest speaker Zeyad Ramadan- Secrets of Divine Love: A Spiritual Journey into the Heart of Islam by A. Helwa

This is part III of a 4-episode comprehensive series on understanding and overcoming porn and sex addictions. In this episode, we examine together the withdrawal period, potential pitfalls and mind games on the journey of healing and recovery, as well as practical tips and tools that we can use on our journey. We also talk about helpful apps, websites and support systems, how to deal with periods of difficulty, and how to disclose to people close to you, should you choose to do so.What would I expect to happen when I choose to quit my compulsive sexual behaviors? How do I handle the withdrawal period? What are some games that my mind can play on me during this period? What are some screen control apps, website blockers, online counseling venues and other helpful resources and support groups that can help me maintain my recovery and offer me support on my journey? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame by George Collins- The Porn Pandemic: A Simple Guide To Understanding And Ending Pornography Addiction For Men by Andrew Ferebee- The Easy Peasy Way to Quit Porn- TED talk “How to Make Stress Your Friend” by Kelly McGonigalParental (and personal) screen control/monitoring apps: Bark, Boomerang, Clean Browsing, Net Nanny, Qustodio Parental Control, OurPactWebsite blockers: Cold Turkey, Covenant Eyes, Stay Focused (Google Chrome extension, app on Google Store)Helpful apps on the journey of sexual recovery: Fortify, Brain Buddy, Quit Masturbation Calendar, rTribe, 12-step appsOnline counseling for overcoming porn and sexual compulsive behaviors: Sexual Recovery Institute, Purify Your Gaze (Muslim organization)Other helpful resources: Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), NoFap (main website, Reddit “NoFap” forum, Reddit "Muslim NoFap" forum), Reddit “Porn Free” forum, Reboot Nation, Muslim PMO Central Discord server

A 17-minute meditation that involves mindfulness, breathing and connecting with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala using some of His Divine Names, reorienting our being as we call unto Him and ask for His help.Background music from Benjamin Tissot (Bensound).

A 13-minute meditation focused on breathing and a full body scan to practice mindfulness and demystify triggers.Background music from Benjamin Tissot (Bensound).

A 10-minute meditation focused on grounding and breathing to practice mindfulness and demystify triggers.Background music from Benjamin Tissot (Bensound).

This is part II of a 4-episode comprehensive series on understanding and overcoming porn and sex addictions. In this episode, we discuss many practical techniques to help us demystify sexual triggers and overcome the urges of sexual "acting out". How can I communicate with my "inner addict" and deconstruct my urges? How do mindfulness and conscious awareness exercises help me overcome my sexual triggers? What are some practical tools that can be used when I experience intense urges to watch porn or act out sexually? How can all of this be transformed into acts of worship? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame by George Collins- The Porn Pandemic: A Simple Guide To Understanding And Ending Pornography Addiction For Men by Andrew Ferebee- The Easy Peasy Way to Quit Porn- "Taking Your History" Questionnaire- TED talk “A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit” by Judson Brewer- Secrets of Divine Love: A Spiritual Journey into the Heart of Islam by A. Helwa

This is part I of a 4-episode comprehensive series on understanding and overcoming porn and sex addictions. In this episode, we discuss what addiction is, from physiological, emotional and personal perspectives. We  also look at the damaging effects of porn and the horrifying realities associated with the porn industry.Do I have a compulsive sexual behavior disorder? How does compulsive porn use, masturbation or sexually acting out affect the physiology of my brain and nervous system and lead to addiction? Other than physiology, what are other important aspects of addiction to take into account so we can understand our behaviors and habits? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame by George Collins- The Porn Pandemic: A Simple Guide To Understanding And Ending Pornography Addiction For Men by Andrew Ferebee- The Easy Peasy Way to Quit Porn- Pornified: How Pornography is Damaging Our Lives, Our Relationships and Our Families by Pamela Paul - Resources from Dr. Patrick Carnes: official website and online assessment tests- "Your Brain On Porn" official website- "Fight the New Drug" official website- TED talk “Why I stopped watching porn” by Ran Gavrieli- TED talk “Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong” by Johann Hari

In this episode, we explore the topic of masturbation comprehensively, from its legal (fiqh), physiological and psychological angles, taking into consideration particular complexities and nuances relevant to men and women dealing with same-sex attractions. We also discuss practical tips and tools to help us keep masturbation in check in our lives.Under what conditions can masturbation be considered haram or halal? What are the benefits and harms of masturbation? If a single man or woman dealing with same-sex attractions needs a "sexual release", would masturbation be safe and acceptable? How can we deal with compulsive masturbation? What are some recommendations to help us curb our desires and keep such habit in check? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Fiqh al-Sunnah (فقه السنّة) by al-Sayyid Sābiq (Arabic)- Like a Garment: Intimacy in Islam by Sh. Yasir Qadhi- TED talk “A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit” by Judson Brewer- SA, Sexaholics Anonymous webpage- No Fap website

In this episode, we explore together some of the ripple effects of the sexual revolution and gay liberation movement, discuss the nature of morality in Islam, and introduce relevant sexual ethics and gender norms within Islam based on the male-female dichotomy. What are some of the tangible effects of the sexual revolution that we witness nowadays? How do we understand morality, sexuality and gender norms within an Islamic framework, and how does that contrast with the modern Western paradigm? Are there Islamic legal exceptions or special considerations for men and women dealing with same-sex attractions and/or gender dysphoria when it comes to matters of morality and behavior with members of one's own gender? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used in this episode:- "Boys will be Boys - Gender identity issues" by Sh. Abdal-Hakim Murad- "Fall of the Family" by Sh. Abdal-Hakim Murad- "Gender, Sexuality, Morality and Identity" webinar by Dr. Sharif El-Tobgui

This is part II of a 2-episode series on setting boundaries. In this episode, Amina and I discuss setting boundaries with people who have narcissistic tendencies, how to prepare mentally for any pushback, and how to avoid being pulled into the arena of what many psychologists call "pathological narcissists".What are some characteristics and behaviors of "pathological narcissists", and how might they behave when we start setting boundaries with them? How do I deal with parents, relatives, partners, friends or colleagues who have narcissistic and manipulative tendencies? How do I avoid being manipulated by them? If my parents are actually "pathological narcissists", how do I reconcile being dutiful to them while setting boundaries with them and avoiding their manipulation and mind games? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- Ross Rosenberg's videos: "Observe Don't Absorb" technique (example videos here and here), "Induced Conversation" (part I and part II), "Preparing for the Narcissistic Storm" and "12 Potent Tricks" of narcissists

This is part I of a 2-episode series on setting boundaries. In this episode, Amina and I discuss what boundaries are, how to define your own boundaries, communicate them and maintain them, as well as techniques on how to say "no" and how to clearly communicate your needs  with others in your life.Are my boundaries loose, rigid or flexible? What are the three main types of boundaries, and how can I assess these boundaries in my life? What is the difference between emotional dumping and venting? How do I communicate boundaries, say "no" to others and tell others how I feel and what I want/need without hurting them or second guessing myself? How do I deal with any backlash if it takes place? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover- Ross Rosenberg's videos on codependency- Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr. Aziz Gazipura 

This is part II of a 2-episode series on healing codependency and emotional dependency. In this episode, Amina and I discuss how to reclaim our place and power in relationships, how to help men reclaim their masculinity, how to reconnect with our path and purpose, as well as how to begin to heal emotional dependency.How do I feel more secure in my friendships and romantic relationships? How can a cost-benefit analysis help me continue with or sever a relationship? How can men dealing with codependency and/or same-sex attractions reclaim their sense of masculinity and feel like "men among other men"? How do I begin to chart my own path in life and connect with my purpose? How do I deal with procrastination along the way? If I am in an emotionally dependent relationship, is there hope for healing and growth, or should I sever that relationship altogether? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody- Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattle- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover- How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- Ross Rosenberg's videos on codependency - "When Friendships Become Toxic: Understanding Emotional Dependency" webinar by Brothers RoadAdditional resources (support groups, books):- Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDa) international website- The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents by Melody Beattle- The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation by Melody Beattle- You're Not Crazy - You're Codependent.: What Everyone Affected by Addiction, Abuse, Trauma or Toxic Shaming Must know to have peace in their lives by Jeanette Elisabeth Menter- The Road Back to Me: Healing and Recovering From Co-dependency, Addiction, Enabling, and Low Self Esteem by Lisa Romano- Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency by Robert Weiss

This is part I of a 2-episode series on healing codependency and emotional dependency. In this episode, Amina and I discuss how codependency shares similar traits with addiction, and we explore some of the goals, expectations and practical tips on the healing journey, starting with reclaiming our personal power.How can I stop people pleasing and focus on my own growth instead? What aspects of self-care help me overcome  codependency and emotional dependency? Why are expressing feelings and boundary setting important on the healing journey, and how can we practice them in a safe environment? How can we let go of fear and practice surrender? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody- Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattle- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover- How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- Video on "CoDependency and Addiction Recovery"- Ross Rosenberg's videos on codependency and self-love abundancy pyramids- Ross Rosenberg's "Understanding Trauma and Rosenberg's HITCH", "Healing The Inner Trauma Child (HITCH) Method", and "Healing the Inner Trauma Child Psychotherapy Method"

In our second episode in the series on attachments, codependency and emotional dependency, Amina and I discuss the mental, emotional and behavioral characteristics that many individuals dealing with codependency and/or emotional dependency tend to exhibit. What is the difference between caring and care taking? Why do I avoid confrontation and resort to people pleasing? Why do I hide my mistakes and have an attitude of perfectionism? Why do I enjoy giving but struggle with receiving? Why do I struggle with being too enmeshed in my relationships or too avoidant? What's the difference between codependency and genuine empathy? These and other questions are explored in this episode. References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody- Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattle- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover- How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap by Ross Rosenberg- "The Difference Between Being an Empath & Being Codependent" video- "When Friendships Become Toxic: Understanding Emotional Dependency" webinar by Brothers Road

In a series of episodes on emotional attachments, dependency and codependency, my friend Amina joins me to discuss the origins and characteristics of these themes as well as relevant and practical healing and recovery work.In this episode, we talk about the origins of attachment styles in adulthood,  the four styles of adult attachment, and we introduce the topic of codependency. Why am I anxious in my relationships with others? Why am I avoidant of commitment and intimacy? What is codependency and where does it come from? These and other questions are addressed in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody- Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattle- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover- How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- Ross Rosenberg's videos on codependency and self-love deficit disorder pyramids- An explanation of Adult attachment styles 

An important theme along the healing and recovery journey is inner child work and re-parenting. In this episode, we dive into childhood attachment theory, introduce the inner child, inner parent and inner adult, as well as the inner child archetypes, and we talk about practical tools of inner child work and the reparenting process.Who is my inner child and how different is he/she from my inner adult? What does this kind of work have to do with the healing and recovery journey? How can I communicate with my inner child? How can I manage my emotional and sexual triggers using inner child work? These and other questions are discussed in this episode.Resources used in this episode:- How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- Coming Out Straight: Understanding Same-Sex Attraction by Richard Cohen- Re-Parent Your Inner Child masterclass by DailyOMRecommended books mentioned in the episode:- Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw- Recovery of Your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione- Healing the Child Within by Dr. Charles Whitfield- Self Parenting: The Complete Guide to Your Inner Conversations by John Pollard- The Inner Child Workbook by Cathryn Taylor- Recovery from Codependency: It's Never Too Late to Reclaim Your Childhood by Dr. Laurie Weiss and Dr. Jonathan Weiss- Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction by Eddie CapparucciSample meditations for connecting with and healing the inner child:- "Inner Child Meditation" by Dr. Nicole LePera- "Healing the Inner Child" meditation by Andrew Johnson- "Inner Child Healing" meditation by Selena Lael- "Inner Child Healing Meditation: Self Love, Inner Power & Self Worth Affirmations" by Kenneth Soares- "Inner Child Healing" meditation by Diane Linsley- "Inner Child Healing" meditation by Oliver Jenkin- "Healing Inner Child & Emotional Processing Meditation" by Erin Colleen Geraghty

This is part 4 of a four-episode series on understanding the origins and characteristics of complex trauma as well as paving a holistic path of healing.In this episode, Aadam and I talk about a holistic approach to healing complex trauma using the bio-psycho-social-spiritual model, wrapping up our series on complex trauma.How do proper nutrition and sleep impact my healing and recovery? What are some grounding techniques that could help me deal with my triggers? How can relationships help me heal my old wounds? Is a spiritual connection a necessary component of the healing process? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources used and mentioned in the episode:- Video series on complex trauma by Tim Fletcher- Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb- How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress-Disease Connection by Dr. Gabor Maté- The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation by Dr. Stephen Porges- Anger release scene from the series, "How to Get Away with Murder",  played by Viola Davis- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by ​​Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk (main book), and related workbook - Secrets of Divine Love: A Spiritual Journey into the Heart of Islam by A. HelwaAdditional resources:- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Dr. Lindsay Gibson- The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame by Pete Walker- Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life by Dr. Sidney Simon and Suzanne Simon- Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker- Polyvagal Safety: Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation by Dr. Stephen Porges

*General trigger warning: episode involves discussion of traumatic events and may be triggering to some listeners*This is part 3 of a four-episode series on understanding the origins and characteristics of complex trauma as well as paving a holistic path of healing.In this episode, Aadam and I continue our talk on the effects and characteristics of complex trauma by discussing interpersonal and relationship aspects. We also cover the topic of trauma bonds developed by Dr. Patrick Carnes.How does complex trauma impact my relationships with family, friends, colleagues and romantic partners? Why do I have issues developing intimacy, trust and respect with people I love and care about? Why do I push people away or hurt them? Why do I end up repeating the same problems but in different contexts? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources used in the episode:- Video series on complex trauma by Tim Fletcher- Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb- Trauma Bonds by Patrick J. Carnes

*General trigger warning: episode involves discussion of traumatic events and may be triggering to some listeners*This is part 2 of a four-episode series on understanding the origins and characteristics of complex trauma as well as paving a holistic path of healing.In this episode, Aadam and I talk about how complex trauma impacts our self-identity and self-perception, contributes to a shame narrative, and leads to a myriad of emotional, cognitive and behavioral effects and characteristics. How does complex trauma lead to the narrative that "I am unworthy, unlovable and not good enough"? In what ways does trauma affect our coping strategies? Why do we sometimes fear change, the unknown, and even success? Why do we feel chronically empty? Why do some of us escape into a fantasy world and dissociate? What are some cognitive distortions to watch out for on the journey of healing and recovery? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources used in the episode:- Video series on complex trauma by Tim Fletcher- Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb

*General trigger warning: episode involves discussion of traumatic events and may be triggering to some listeners*My friend Aadam joins me on a four-episode series that focuses on understanding the origins and characteristics of complex trauma as well as paving a holistic path of healing.In this episode, we talk about the definition of complex trauma and factors that lead to it, the survival brain and the fight-flight-freeze response, as well as the different parental or caregiver dynamics that may give rise to complex trauma during childhood. What is the difference between simple and complex traumas, little t and big T traumas? How does the stress response work, and how does it manifest in our lives as far as our thoughts, emotions, behaviors and relationships are concerned? How can unhealthy parental or caregiver dynamics give rise to complex trauma and influence our thoughts, emotions, behaviors and relationships as adults? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References mentioned and resources used in the episode:- Video series on complex trauma by Tim Fletcher- Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb - How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera- Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Study by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)- ACEs research and publications