Movie Improvie: The Film Repair Podcast

Sure, prisons are an inhuman and reprehensible blight on society that should be abolished; but that's only because we lock living human beings inside of them. What if instead they were just full of dead corpses? I'll tell you what then: They'd make the perfect setting for a You've Got Mail style rom-com about two guards who overcome their differences to find love, and that's what why we've transformed the John Travolta mafia garbage fire Gotti into You've Got Jail (For Dead People) staring James Marsden, Luke Evans, JB Smoove, Jackie Earle Haley, and Cobie Smulders. We also fixed the trailers for Alita: Battle Angel and Trading Paint

Yikes! We maybe picked the wrong week to post a Liam Neeson vehicle, huh? Unfortunately we had already recorded this one weeks ago, so now we're stuck with it. We turned the movie Venom into a Bring Me Back My Creature; I Wanna Smooch Me Goomonster romance about an old timey sea captain who just loves to Smooch His Goo (symbiote). It also stars Tom Hardy, Kristin Wiig, and Will Smith. Sorry!

In the long ago year of 1991, a very silly man named Robert Matthew Van Winkle, known professionally as Vanilla Ice, stared in a very silly movie called Cool As Ice, which was, to the surprise of no one, utterly terrible. And so it remained for almost thirty years, until your humble Movie Improvers came along and woke this Van Winkle up to  transform his hip-hop cinema mistake into Horse Drive, a movie that is a lot like Drive except that it stars a horse that is also a motorcycle, and is also the real Hidalgo. Also starring Emily Blunt, Emily Blunt (again), and Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson. We also repaired the trailers for White Space and Tall Tales.

Hi teammates and comrades, this week the bad movie we watched was Jupiter Ascending, which we'd been led to believe was crazy-bad, and was instead just mostly boring-bad. But one thing we did like was Channing Tatum as a shirtless dog boy, so we made a whole bunch of other colorful Tatums, like otter boy Tatum, and cow boy (not cowboy) Tatum, and assembled them into the SuperSpaceTeam movie, Tatum Team Manimal Spectrum 7, starring 8 Channing Tatums. Also we fix the trailers for Detective Pikachu and Replicas

We're back at our oldest watering hole, team. We're back at the Star War Place. After spending one whole podcast series whining about how the Star War is Bad, Actually, we decided to put our lightsabers where our Sarlaacs are and actually fix one to make the rare, unseen, Good Star War. And to get there, we started with one of the worst: Solo: A Star Wars Story. And y'know we'd had sort of enough of Han LonelyGirl15, so we instead wrote A Star War Story about a stormtrooper detective investigating a bunch of creepy teddy bears in The Wicket Man: A Star Wars Story Is Born. Also we fixed the trailers for Between Worlds and Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Gribblegob

You guys know how when you watch a cartoon, you get this nagging voice in your head that says "But it should look more real!" Well our buddy Robbie Zemeckis has a solution for you, and he made a whole bunch of motion-capture animated movies for you to enjoy, you psychopath! Unfortunately, at least one of those movies was bad, 2011's Mars Needs Moms. So we fixed it up this week and finally granted Phil's wish for a Stardew Valley movie by smashing it up into Marsdew Valley: Mars Needs Farmers about a grampa leaving their grandkid his Mars farm, and that grandkid going there to smooch everyone around and also murder some Space CHUDs. Also, we fix the trailers for Speed Kills and The Quake.

HELL-oooooooo, boys and SPOOPS! Welcome to Devil's Night's Eve and the end to the Month of Spoops! We spooped ourselves again this week. With the amount of nonsense in our movie, Leprechaun 4: In Space, you'd think we would've come up with a whole bunch of wacky ideas, but nope! So we let a neural network make a title for us and came out with Boobley of the Dead: The Crooping Tomb! Because we're really trying to push our SEO to it's limits Also, we fix the trailers for Haunting of Fraternity Row and The Other Side of Heaven 2

oooOOOooOOooOOooh! Hey, did you guys know it was the Spoop Month? We did by this week so we fixed a real spooky-dookie fest -- on Phil's birthday, even! We watched Wes Craven's My Soul To Take, a not-so-terrifying tale of some stuff that happened, and we took out all the nonsensical plot twists and bashed it up into a good picture about a spooky haunted knife who possesses folks called Take My Knife, Please! Did I mention it was Phil's birthday?! Also we fixed the trailers for Escape Room and The Possession of Hannah Grace

Hello, Movie Improvers! We're back after a break while James tried to save our last recording from the dumpster fire and failed and had to go to the trash hospital to recover from his trash burns. But we came screeching back into familiar territory this week with the Nic Cage superhero flick Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. This movie, while a delight for the comedy stylings of Mr. Cage's very sincere performance, was pretty bad. So we gave the lonely Ghost Rider some friends to hang with and made a movie about them called A Ghost Rider Elements Story: Hog Fighter (Origins), starring Kelly McDonald, Sterling K. Brown, and Nick Nolte Also we fix the trailers for Holmes & Watson and High Voltage

This week we're here to party like its 1499, cause we are repairing the criminally boring conspiracy thriller and Tom Hanks wig mistake known as The Da Vinici Code. Through the mysterious power of Cryptogeology, we transformed this airport bookstore potboiler into the erotic western masterpiece Lil' Jon's Big Rock-Hard Cowboy Adventure, staring Jamie Foxx, Ronke Adekoluejo, and T.I. We also repaired the trailers for Alright Now and Another Time.

Hello people it is your friends Bill and John here this week OH WAIT! Did we fool you with our slick textual disguise?? No? Well then we're on par with the title character of our movie this week, Val Kilmer's The Saint. In it, a spy man who steals important things puts on disguises that are 100% greasy wigs and jewelry, and 0% convincing at all, so we, Phil and James, who we actually are, threw all that out the window and actually just made a The Crow movie about a spooky Borzoi pupper avenging his spooky Goth family from some evil, evil Juggalos, and also he even gets after ICP themselves! It's our most dog-based movie yet, and it's called The Crow (Dog): Down With The Clown. Also we fixed the trailers for S.M.A.R.T. Chase and The Happytime Murders

Beep boop bloop, folks! We're back in the game zone this week, as we sat down to watch the nonsensical cyberpunk adaptation of everyone's favorite plumbing simulator, 1993's Super Mario Bros., starring Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo. Although this movie had not one idea about anything, we had plenty of ideas for how to Improvie it, and we ended up going with a story about an ancient wacky wizard unlocked from a slumber in a  Blade Runner-esque future, and we called it H.A.R.D.D. Scrabble's Magic Scramble, starring Gemma Forbes and Mike Epps! Also we fixed the trailer for Viking Destiny, and though we didn't fix the trailer for Boar, we did make it a nice companion piece to be friends with!

Welp gang it happened again. We watched Dracula 3000, a movie that wasn't just bad, it was super duper racist and sexist also. So we just launched that trash fire right out the space airlock and reconstructed a brand new movie in it's place: Space Wolf: Too Many Moons, the tragic story of a werewolf astronaut who keeps murdering her crew because of all those moons up in space, starring Uzo Aduba.   We also fixed the trailers for A Wizard's Tale and Aquaman

We finally done did it, gang. Despite Mae's off-mic protests that it's perfect and doesn't need to change at all, Phil and James sat down to fix the infamous 90-minute McDonald's commercial Mac and Me, and y'know the whole McDonaldsyness of it got us thinking about hey what if other fast food folks had their own movies? So we honored the great Dal Popehands and his classic fast food chain Popeye's Chicken, by making a movie where he's played by Jeff Goldblum as a mad scientist who puts chicken skin where folks' faces should be. Also we fix the trailers for Nutcracker: The Four Realms and Along Came The Devil

They say that one man's trash is another man's treasure, and this week we've transformed Roland Emmerich's trash movie Godzilla (1998) into the beautiful treasure kaiju heist flick One Big Job, staring Melissa McCarthy, Sam Neil, and David Spade. We also fixed the trailers for Christopher Robin and Urban Country and dive into Jame's strange and elaborate hoagie addiction.

Guys, sometimes it's hard fixin' movies. Cuz how do you fix a movie whose only real crime is its intense and revolting homophobia? We sat down to watch Wild Hogs this week, with John Travolta and Tim Allen, expecting a return to normalcy after the heights of lunacy that were Digimon and Highlander, and instead we got a bunch of old straight white men getting offended that some folks might think for one single second that they're gay. So we just took all those nasty boys right out of there and made a movie called The Greatest Penetration, starring Cloris Leachman, Angela Lansbury, and Kim Novak, about a group of elderly women discovering their sexuality and making bank as they discover late in life their calling as camgirls! It's all body and sex positivity in this one, y'all!   Also we fix the trailers for Second Act and The Package

Welp. It happened. We broke ourselves. In hindsight, it would've been smart to take a break from madness after the incomprehensibility of Highlander 2, but nope! We doubled down into the insanity by watching Digimon The Movie, an utter mess of a film, made up of the scraps and bits of three shorter films that madmen Frankenstein's Monster-ed together. In this movie, we saw the beginning and end of time, our own deaths, and also a bunch of really really awful "jokes," so all of our ideas this week went some pretty dark places. But not to fear! Unlike with Highlander 2, we actually managed to fix the movul this time, by flippin' the ol' scrip and making Anamon: Analog Monsters, about a gross man who fills a bunch of puppets with meat, brings em to life, and then gives them to children! We also fix the trailers for Wonder Park and Goosebumps 2

Oh jeez gang, we tackled a doozy this week, and it might've gotten the better of us. Phil and James took a gander at [one of the four versions of] Highlander 2, a universally despised, 0% Rotten Tomatoes score-having, piece of trash of a movie, and it made exactly as much sense as we predicted: none at all. As a result, that lack of sense permeated all of our ideas for it too, and not one of them was a workable film. So, again this week, we instead took our idea from a trailer, for Kevin Sorbo's newest Jesus strokefest, Let There Be Light, and turned it into God's Not Dead 2bular, a sort of Weekend-at-Bernie's situation but with Jesus this time! We also attempted to fix the trailer for the new Grinch movie, but man it might also have been too bad to fix.

Daaa daa da daaaa da da da da da da daaaaa daaaa! Hm, what's that? You can't hear the pitch I hear in my head for those da da da's? Well guess what, they were the President Theme Song, because we're getting aaaallllll kinds of presidential this week while we fix James' most favoritest awful film, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. James brought some good ideas to the table this week, but Phil brought... THE CREATION. A magical device that just spits out titles for some wonderful president movies that led to the creation of John Tyler: Goblin Helper, a story about America's first, worst, and last goblin president, and the Secret 50 Amendments to the US Constitution that you've never even heard of before, starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Gina Rodriguez, Natalie Portman, and a whole grip of folks from Insidious: The Last Key playing goblins. We also fix the trailers for Race 3 and The Nun  

Guys, let's rap. Sometimes we fix movies here that are just giant lit on fire trash piles and we gotta put out the fire and dig out the gold bars buried under the trash, with our bare hands. Other times, we fix a movie that's maybe just got a little bit of shit on it's face, and that's the case here cuz we fixed Monkeybone, a very very almost-good movie with Brendan Fraser, Bridget Fonda, and Chris Kattan. But with help from our special guest, Executive Producer Maegan Stressman, your Movie Improvers™ Phil and James gave it the little nudge it needed to become Fuckenskylar, a beautiful love story about a smart goth science queen who brings her hot dead idiot boyfriend back from the grave to bone him some more, starring Lizzie Kaplan, Kristen Schaal, Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, and John Cena. We also fixed the trailers for Occupation and The Yellow Birds

Hoo boy gang, we're gettin' UNPRECEDENTED this week! James and Phil sat down to try to fix The Avengers this time. Not the one with the superfolks that you know and love, but the British-type spy flick from 1998 that no one remembers or cares about or knows. And man-o-peets, this movie was so bad that for the first time in our history, we decided to just throw it and all our ideas for it right into the garbage. Instead, we decided to take one of our movie trailers, for the movie Benched, and flesh that out into a beautiful dad-love story called Across the Plate, starring John C. McGinley, Garret Dillahunt, Liam Neeson, and Millie Bobby Brown. But hey, you can still listen to all our bad ideas for the bad spy movie. And also we fixed one more trailer, the one for Zoo. Just... Zoo.

Hey guys we said the name Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson too many times in the last episode, and like the spoopy lady in the mirror, we summoned D"TR"J's scariest apparition: his terrible bad 2005 video game movie, Doom. This bad movie about alien jeans and the scary monsters in someone's basement on Mars sure did suck, but we retooled it into the far superior Satan party movie Dr. Demon, Medical: Demon starring Rosamund Pike, Cate Blanchett, Margot Robbie, and Mike Myers. We also fix the trailers for breath and Action Point, and give you a backdoor pilot for our new History of Doo-Doos podcast

Hey guys, y'know why we put these episodes out on Tuesday? Because no reason, it was arbitrary. But if we were a big fat orange monster cat, we might say it's because we hate Mondays! That's the level of humor we're bringing to this episode, as your Improvie Team fixes 2004's Garfield, starring Bill Murray and Jamie Kennedy Or Breckin Meyer Or Someone Like That. We took an insufferably dull movie about the famous CGI orange cat, and made it into a movie about a bunch of real life animals who HATE the man Andy Serkis and want him dead. Also, we fix the trailers for Another Soul and Skyscraper

Hey guys this time we go all bold-like to some places that no folks ain't ever been to! Meaning, we fixed a Star Trek movie! Specifically, we fixed the most old-guys-climbing-ladders-centric Star Trek movie, Star Trek Generations, and because Phil and James REALLY want you to know what nerds they are, we slapped a Dungeons and Dragons campaign on top of it and made Spell Trek: The Next Jammeration, so get ready for lots of talk about classes and alignments for all your favorite Trek types, like: Half-Orc Worf! Rakish Rogue Riker! And Wesley Crusher, the useless Halfling Bard! Also, we fix the trailer for Bohemian Rhapsody (but we did not fix the damage it did to James' soul) and the trailer for Adventures in Public School 

Hey hey hey peebles! Continuing our long standing trend from last week, we watched another bad late-90s superhero movie, only this time it was the beautiful horse-boy Billy Zane in The Phantom. While this movie did have a very pretty Billy Zane in it, it was also totes boring, so we bashed it and crashed it until it became Stop, Or My Mom Will Darkhawk, a mom-based superhero romp starring Maya Rudolph, Dylan Minnette, and Aidan Gillen, where a mom of a superhero--*record scratch*-- becomes hero?! Also we fixed the trailers for Another Goddamn Shit-Ass Robin Hood Movul and Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again

If Space Jam taught James anything, it's that movies starring basketball players are very very good always, but oops not this time! This week the Movie ImproversTM watched Steel with Shaquille O'Neal, where he plays a fella who builds himself a suit out of foam that's supposed to look like metal and fights crime. Hoo boy is this movie a hot pile of trash fires, but not to worry, we fixed it up into the much much better Gregular Guy starring Rosa Salazar, Terry Crewes, Catherine Keener, and Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson. We also don't fix any trailers this week, whaaaaaa? We tried something fun and different instead. Take a listen to find out!

Hey guys, y'know how we used to do a differenter podcast and there was a third person on it? And her name was Mae? Well guess what, she's here on this podcast this time! Mae stopped in about 2/3 of the way through our recording talking about Monster Trucks (a movie that actually turned out to not be that bad but we fixed it anyway) and took on the role of producer to tell James and Phil that their ideas are bad and they should feel bad. Using Phil and Mae's favorite anything ever, My Hero Academia, as well as the Cars universe for inspiration we fixed it up into Monster Eat Trunk World (Truck World), about a bunch of sentient cars with Monster Truck superpowers stopping an evil oil-drinking monster from murdering their friends. Also, The Shape of Water comes up an awful lot in this episode, because it's very good and we're very into people fucking strange beasts. DISCLAIMER: James would like it known that he did not endorse that title and it does not have his blessing and he is sorry for it.

Hey you guys, remember how Ancient Egypt was chock fulla white folks? No? Oh, well huh Alex Proyas, director of Gods of Egypt seems to disagree. Oh and also he made a bad movie, oops Alex! So we watched this Gods of "Egypt" movie and we fixed it up into the much much better Taramorphs, presented by Laura Linney playing Tara Reid. Its about a group of rowdy Egyptian teens who turn into animals with the help of their friends the Andalites to fight evil grey brain slugs, so it's actually Animorphs, but Tara insisted her name be in the title, so ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Also we fixed the trailers for Followers and Johnny English Strikes Again

Well gang we went back to the ol' Diesel Well awful quick, because this week we watched Vin Diesel's extended D&D cosplay video, The Last Witch Hunter also co-starring Michael Caine, Rose Leslie, and Elijah Wood. Someone gave our boy Vin $90 million to film a movie about his own Dungeons and Dragons character, so we went ahead and did basically the same thing, and we came out the other side with Dungeons and Dragons 2: Dungement Day, a spoopy horror movie starring Topher Grace, Alan Cumming, and a boy from Dunkirk.   Also we fix the trailers for Bus Party to Hell and Shifting Gears

Hey gang, do you like VIDYA GAMEZ? What about MOVIES based on VIDYA GAMEZ? Oh, right, no one likes that second one. Well we watched one of those this week, Assassin's Creed starring Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard, and sure enough it was bad again this time! So we fixed it up into a sort of 15th-century Wild at Heart, and we didn't hide that fact at all and we called it Lo! Thou Art Wylde at Hearte, starring Madeleine Petsch, Saiorse Ronan, Nicolas Cage, and our dear dear friend Laura Dern. Be glad, guys, Phil almost made us make a Waluigi movie. Also, we fix the trailers for Status Update and No Postage Necessary

Hey gang, we fixed The Shack this week. The movie we fixed is called The Shack. I wanna make that totally clear, cuz Phil and James forgot to say the title of the movie at any point in the podcast. The Shack, which was our movie this week, is about God and Jesus and how great those two fellas are, so obvs we threw all that out the window and made it about three of the wonderful kind boys from Queer Eye helping a man have his own sexual awakening, in Daddy Shack. It's a very nice time. Also, we fixed the trailers for Sherlock Gnomes and Deadpool 2

Hello everyone! Phil came back from Palms Spring, so we came back from vacation! Some time ago, Phil and James watched xXx: The Return of Xander Cage and took some notes about it, so they tried to decipher their own cryptic, inscrutable notes on it to deliver unto you a better film. And they achieved their lofty goals with Gunboys: Kissboiz, an adaptation of William Shakespeare's Hamlet but in samurai times but with guns and also but with kissing. Do we remember Hamlet super well? No! But who cares when you've got beautiful, kissing boys shooting each other's heads off! Also, we fix the trailers for Getting Grace, The Humanity Bureau, and CrossFit Presents: Redeemed and Dominated: Strongest on Earth, which is somehow not a title we made up

Hey you guys, did you know there was a fifth Underworld movie? Or a fourth Underworld movie? Us neither! But who gives a shit about that, cuz it's bad so we fixed it into the next global smash, X-Monster-Men Meet Van Helsing Meet Abbott and Costello, starring a whole grip of randomly generated folks, including 2 Hugh Jackmans, Ryan Reynolds as not Deadpool, Jeff Goldblum AS Deadpool, and of course, our muse, our lucky rabbit's foot, Mr. Armie Hammer. Also, we don't fix the trailer for Venom, but we do fix the trailers for Death House and Hellraiser: Judgment

*deep breath* Hooooo jeez o' peets guys. Just a fair warning, this episode is our biggest, hottest pot of nonsense that we have ever put on the internets. So we watched The Cloverfield Paradox, which is a movie some people probably made and were in, (we've already forgotten) and, like an alchemist trying to make gold from lead, we accidentally bungled up our organs drinking mercury and we turned it into Arm & Hammer Presents: Arm and Hammer, the Armie Cloverfield Hammer Story, based on the real, actual, for sure happened life of Armie Hammer, who, as we all know, was born as just a single human arm and became an actor. We also say Laura Dern's name so much her ears are probably now actually on fire, and we fixed trailers for Death Wish, The Cage Fighter, Living Among Us, and 7 Guardians of the Tomb. Our sincere apologies to Armie Hammer.

Wowee wow, that sure is a long title, huh gang? Well we just needed more words to get across how awesome this movie is! We took the Academy Award nominee Boss Baby, which is pretty mediocre and forgettable, shoved it in the Movie Improvie Movie Grinder™, and we formed that gross nastiness into a delicious Movie Burger called Rosemary's Baby 2: Toss Baby, This Time The Baby Is The Weapon, starring Daniela Vega, Alia Shawkat, and Nicolas Cage, and hoo boy I think we have another franchise on our hands, friends and neighbors. Also, we went ahead and fixed the trailers for Hurricane Heist, Deep Blue Sea 2, and Jurassic World 2 while we were at it! Tune in your earholes!

Hello aspiring Movie Improvers™! Hoo boy gang, we got a real stinker on our hands this time. Cuz this time, this time guys? We watched The Book of Henry, directed by Colin Trevorrow, and starring Naomi Watts, Dean Norris, and Sarah Silverman. This movie about a little boy who is a huge dick trying to murder a policeman was very bad, but we smacked it with our hammers and wrenches and we twisted its mangled form into the much better Overwatch the Top, star-- er, excuse me, it's actually called How to Watch Movies to Improve Your English for SEO reasons -- starring Jameela Jamil, Danny DeVito, Akaros, and Charles Melton, in a movie about a mom who *record scratch* plays vidya games? Also, we fixed the trailers for Ready Player One, The Current War, and Show Dogs! It's a real hoot-and-a-half.

Hey everybody! Y'see how Batman's in the title? Well guess what we weren't actually fixing a movie with Batman in it, (even though they need our help badly,) we're actually fixing the bad, unfinished The Snowman, starring Michael Fassbender. We just decided to fix it into a movie franchise for DC about all their cool cold villain folks! So we started off our pitch with Batman v. Snowman: Dawn of Just Ice, starring Paapa Essiedu, Quvenzhane Wallis, Liam Neeson, and Kurt Russell. Also, we fixed the trailers for Death Race 4, Samson, and Alpha. 

Hello, how is everyone? Hey, do you folks like PIRATES? We sure do! So this week, we watched a pirate movie! But not just any one: The fifth one! Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Dead Men Tell No Tales, starring Johnny Depp, Brendon Thwaites, and Geoffrey Rush, is very bad. But what if it weren't? What if it was... good? And what if it had... Cowboys? Gender swapped cowboys? These are the bold questions your resident Movie Fixers had on their mind this week! Also, we watch the trailers for Truth or Dare, Wastelander, and *chicken picture* Blockers, and we went ahead and fixed those too. Also also, this is a 100 PERCENT MEN FREE episode!* *except for James and Phil

Well hello there, Movie Nuffs and newcomers alike! Welcome to our new podcast, this time this one's called Movie Improvie! Phil and James are gonna set out to look at some bad movies, but rather than just be satisfied with movie that is bad, we're gonna make fix em better! This week, we looked at the Netflix Original Pile of Trash™ Bright, directed by David Ayer and starring Will Smith and Joel Edgerton, and we transform it with Improvie Magic into Goodspellas, starring Grant Gustin, Keanu Reeves, Gina Torres, and Michael B. Jordan. How'd we do that? Listen with your earholes to find out!

Happy Christmas or Other Chosen Winter Holiday erverybody! The Haters Cast has been retired, and starting next month we'll have a brand new podcast in this space for you to enjoy. But in the meantime, treat yourself to a little something special: The Origin of Christmas! Bored on a flight home for the holidays four years ago, Phil wrote an insane short screenplay about the true origin of Christmas. With James' help, he then printed copies of this script, highlighted lines, and placed it in the stockings of everyone in the family. Phil and James then forced invited their loved ones to do a table read of that script, and this recording is the result! We hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

Well Haters, we've come full circle. We're right back where we started: The Star War. The Jedi has Returned, and so have we, and if we've learned anything from Mario Kart, it's that the best place to end things is the start. Yes, humble Movie Nuffs, dry your eyes, because this is indeed the FINAL EPISODE of The Haters Cast. We've laughed, we've learned, we've said many inflammatory things about movuls most of you folks probably enjoy. But your Haters Three feel it's time to move on from our shouty, hatey ways. But fear not! Like a phoenix from the ashes, we got a little somethin' special and new coming for ya in just 2 weeks. So stick around.

Well it's The Holiday Month, Movie Nuffs, and you know the pop culture figure most associated with that: Batman, obviously. After our The Dark Knight episode went in the toilet eons ago (in internet time,) we've decided to revisit Mae's hatred of The Caped Crusader with the Christmasiest of Batman films, 1992's Batman Returns, directed by Tim Burton and starring Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Danny DeVito. Will Mae and Bats settle their millennia-old rivalry? Will the Haters be able to withstand The Penguin's overall utter grossness? Take a listen to find out!

Well everybody, strap in, cuz when your beloved Haters sat down to talk about Love, Actually -- the movie from 2002 directed by Richard Curtis and starring Emma Thompson, Bill Nighy, Colin Firth and about 100 other famous folks -- they talked for three whole hours that has mercifully been pared down for your listening ears. It's the Month of Krampus, so we started it out with a British Christmas love film. Also, Phil and James talk about the dating sims they play in their free time, we talk about our dear sister Emily's bad bad driving, and we spend a whole lotta time talking about Henry Cavill's moustachce. Please to enjoy!

Hey you guys, you remember that movie Cloverfield? Directed by Matt Reeves and starring Jessica Lucas, Michael Stahl-David, TJ Miller and Lizzy Caplan? No? Us neither! But Mae wasn't here this week to stop Phil and James from talking about it. Also, we take a deep, deep dive into Hallmark's thirty-three -- yes, THIRTY-THREE -- Christmas movies releasing this season. So strap on your mistletoe and head on over to wherever The Bramble House is, cuz you're in for a ride.

Well gang, we gave it a whooooole week, and we're BACK IN THE SPOOP ZONE. Our love of horror movuls is insatiable, so we hopped right back in and took a look at Sam Raimi's 2009 return to horror, Drag Me to Hell, starring Alison Lohman and Justin Long. Hey, did you guys forget how racist this movie was? We did! Phil and Mae also give James a big ol' spoiler for Thor: Ragnarok, and hoo boy, we spend a good deal of time talking about the genitalia of Crazy Frog and the Minions. Sorry about that.

With the Month of Spoops behind us, we're back to looking at regular ol' movuls, and this week it's the regular ol' School of Rock, directed by Richard Linklater and starring Jack Black, Joan Cusack, and Miranda Cosgrove. Except we spend roooooughly 80% of this podcast talking about other movies -- like The Emoji Movie, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever -- because Phil hates this movie soooo much and it bummed out Mae and James for most of it. Also, we talk about the dangers of a large group of Ewoks, and what we would do with our own army of kidnapped slave children. It's light and fun!

Boo hoo hoo this week, movie nuffs,  as our time in the SPOOP ZONE comes to an end. But we got just a heckin' good finale for ya, featuring not 3, not 4, but FIVE members of the Haters family, all united together to talk about every single living person's favorite Halloween movie, Hocus Pocus, starring Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, and Thora Birch. Emily? She loves it. Phil and Mae? Who knows. Patti? HATES it. James? He's there too. Find out how Patti has grown a cold enough heart to hate this beloved and cherished masterpiece, and keep listening as she lays out her designs for a rocket powered vibrator. It's kooky!

Welcome back to the Haters Cast! We know you missed your usual spoop zone time last week, so we're back in it this week to talk about all the spooky witch ghosts in The Conjuring, directed by James Wan and starring Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, and Ron Livingston. We go off the rails on this one guys, as we dig in to the Avril Lavigne conspiracy, talk about Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh! for a solid 20 minutes, and we shit all over ghosts and ghost hunters.

Howdy loyal movie nuffs! This week we are eschewing our regular movie hating in order to bring you the pilot episode of your new podcast, SEEINGDOUBLYOU! It's about all things CW, all the time: Arrow. Flash. Riverdale. Vampire Diaries. Supergirl. Gossip Girl. Supernatural. And so on and so forth! If you enjoy it, you can follow it from here on out on it's own feed. Next week, your regular Haters Cast will return!

Welcome back to the SPOOP ZONE, Movie Nuffs! Today, in the first week of the month of spoop, the Haters take a peek at the 1996 slasher parody (?) Scream, directed by Wes Craven and starring Neve Campbell, Skeet Ulrich, and Matthew Lillard. Herein, we mistakenly celebrate our 30th episode (oops), cope with Phil's beardless face, and invent a whole new form of measuring weight! And, get ready next week for a special sneaky surprise from us...

We're back in The Spoop Zone this week, Movie Nuffs, as the Haters get an early start on the Halloween season by taking a gander at The Cabin in the Woods, directed by Drew Goddard and starring Kristen Connolly, Fran Kranz, and Chris Hemsworth. We're kicking off a whole month of (almost) all Spoopy Movul reviews with this one, folks! Listen inside our Nonsense Factory as we talk about Phil and Mae's Grecian honeymoon, the struggles of Twenty-One Pilots, and we do Harrison Ford impressions for just too gosh darn long.