Naming the Real

At the center of our cultural crisis is a clash of values. The current administration's actions reflect an age-old paradigm: us versus them, winners versus losers. It is driven by animal kingdom values, where “might makes right.” In this episode, we explore a different paradigm and a different set of values for transcending such limited thinking.

We are living through perilous times—an age of anxiety, crisis, and polarization. In this return to the Our Cultural Crisis series, we explore the 9 mechanisms—emotivism, blindness, tribalism, victimization, moral posturing, de-humanization, outrage, one-sidedness, and violence—that drive our current predicament. These dynamics are as old as time but pertinent as ever. By naming them, we can engage the work of transcending them, sobering up to our times and reckoning how to live powerfully and humbly in such an age of anxiety.

Transformation ultimately has less to do with thinking our way into change than living into it in  bodies that have been trained to feel and be fully present. In this episode, we explore a way to create a strong foundation for ongoing transformation by not only recognizing glimmers—moments that slow your body down into an experience of calm and beauty—but challenging yourself to experience more glimmers than you might have thought possible. As you expand your awareness about just how much calm and beauty you can experience, you create the possibility of full embodiment and of living in radical abundance.

In this third conversation with John Phillip Newell, author of The Great Search and numerous books on spirituality, we explore what we talk about when we talk about “oneness.” Oneness, as Carl Jung, Julian of Norwich, and Jalaluddin Rumi help us discover, is an archetypal way of experiencing reality. In simple, pragmatic ways, we can grow our awareness of oneness—of our interconnectedness with all things—which unlocks our spiritual experience and our experience of the divine.

There are many competing formulas for happiness. In this episode, exploring the tale of Abd al-Rahman III and his fourteen days of fulfillment, we look at two such formulas. What emerges is a conclusion backed by science: only experiences of beauty and connection make our lives meaningful and, therefore, happy. What then, do we find most beautiful and how do we pursue it? If we can name this, we can identify simple practices for living in the truly beautiful, which is the only path to abiding happiness.

In this second conversation with Nolan Kim, director of Power Coaching, we explore more practices for befriending the body. We begin with a dive into the science behind cold plunging and how a simple breathing practice from Wim Hof can radically boost your immune system. Nolan also outlines a number of exercises that will help you ground in your body, lower your blood pressure, and do the hard things that life requires of all of us. Since learning to be fully in your body is the foundational base of so much transformational practice, this knowledge and these exercises can be, quite literally, life-changing.

Breathing well is central to living well. In this conversation with Nolan Kim, director of Power Coaching, we explore the simplest practices for transforming your sense of presence and power through the transformation of your breath. But this is bigger than breath: ultimately Nolan invites us into a conversation about how to truly choose life while we draw breath, because our time is too precious for anything else.

One of our most profound capacities as humans is the ability to re-story our lives. In this final episode of the storytelling series, we explore the movement from shame to compassion/self-compassion. This is primarily a somatic or embodied process, allowing our bodies to release the stored vital energy that may have become stuck in our system, with groaning, yelling, and whatever else creates emotional flow. With practice, we can release our bodies into new stories, for our sake and for the sake of the world around us.

As a conclusion to the storytelling series, we explore one of the hardest things we ever learn to do: refusing self-judgment and embracing every part of us with compassion. Self-compassion has nothing to do with going soft on ourselves or giving ourselves a pass; in fact, it demands ruthless self-awareness and integrity. It is the death of our ego's self-focus and, for many, a path to the Divine. If we can learn to hold our story and ourselves with compassion, we are well on our way to becoming wounded healers in a hurting world.

We have four “characters” in our brains: two in our left hemisphere and two in our right. These characters have vastly different concerns and focuses, and when we find ourselves mired in the more self-absorbed or anxious characters, we can feel really stuck. In this episode, following the work of Jill Bolte-Taylor, we explore a way of getting unstuck. By knowing these characters and addressing them directly, we can toggling between them. And by toggling, we can shift our experience in any given moment to broader perspective, stories, and possibilities.

Imposter syndrome is a very specific type of tyranny, under which many labor. It is the fear of being found out, of being exposed, of being revealed a fraud. It destroys freedom and consumes energy, leading to exhaustion. In this episode, we explore the roots of imposter syndrome and a pathway for confronting it—even stopping it right in its tracks—for the sake of freedom, courage, and hope.

The goal of life is, in some sense, simply to become present. In this episode, we explore micro mindfulness, through which we can train and habituate our bodies to live in a relax, restful, and regulated state (in polyvagal theory, what is called a ventral-vagal state). By recognizing “glimmer moments”—moments of everyday beauty and peace—and then training our brains and bodies to be fully present for them, we can change our lives in simple but endlessly profound ways.

In this second conversation with John Philip Newell, we explore how Celtic spirituality informs a movement back to the soul and to the earth. By framing our core human essence as well as the material world as good (contra much of the dualistic philosophy and theology that has guided Western history), we can discover deeper ways to be human beings. Guided by thoughts from Newell's newest book, The Great Search: Turning to Earth and Soul in the Quest for Healing and Home, we explore big concepts as well as daily practices for grounding and centering our lives.

In this short, we explore the power of immersing one's self in a simple four-word phrase: “It's not about me.” It's a mantra that has the power to reorient our thinking and our entire neurobiology, as we learn to see ourselves as a small part of something much bigger, removing the pressure that can build up when we take our ego, our emotions, or our sense of self too seriously. In the second half of the short, we explore different ways of engaging “It's not about me” on a most practical level in order to cultivate a fully flourishing life.

We live in a left brain world. The brain's left hemisphere is generally concerned with being explicit, certain, and in control. The right hemisphere, in contrast, is focused on story, metaphor, space, and connection. Shifting to the right brain can open up a world of possibility, as we become more concerned with what we experience and how we're connected and less concerned with being right. In this episode, we explore how to shift from left brain to right brain, with a specific meditation practice designed to help you engage this shift.  

We all have automatic negative thoughts and beliefs that can keep us stuck. What's to be done? In this episode, we explore how the unresolved arousal in our stories can lead to beliefs that produce terrible fruit in our lives. And we explore the resource within our agency to renounce those stories, advocating for our freedom. Finding this “hell no” energy within us can be challenging and vulnerable, but it is a road to radical flourishing.

Meditation is great, its benefits incredible. And…most of us resist it. Not just because we are busy, but because meditation—like any space of quiet—would have us face stories and beliefs that we prefer to avoid. In this episode, we explore our resistance to meditation and, hand-in-hand, a practice that may help us look forward to learning meditative practice like never before. This episode launches a mini-series made up of short episodes about meditation for people who know little about meditation, resist meditation, or feel bad at meditative practice.

Every story is an arousal story, because arousal is the soul's ultimate energy: we long for connection and become panicked at the possibility of disconnection. Arousal, in this sense, is far greater than sexual arousal—it is the energy animating all things. In this episode, we explore the idea of resolved arousal and unresolved arousal, with plenty of story examples and illustrations. Ultimately, we invite you to name how you experienced fulfillment or frustration in your, and the beliefs which became operative in you because of it. In this naming, there is a world of agency, action, and potential freedom. 

In this short, we explore the importance of naming our emotions at a granular level as well as exploring how “negative emotions” may be (1) protecting us while (2) keeping us from what we long for. The more fluency we gain in naming our emotions and how they function to protect but also limit us, the more agency—which expresses itself as choice and freedom—we will have in our lives. 

In this Short, we confront our human and cultural tendency to focus on what we don't have rather than what we do. This pressure keeps us from being here and now, in reality, which is the only place we can experience joy. Through focusing on what we have rather than what we want, we can shift everything about our perspective. As always, we explore tangible practices to catalyze this shift in mindset.

In this Short, we confront the pervasive pressure that the word “should” can exert in our lives. In considering how we actually change—becoming the people we want to be—“should” has very limited power to transform us at our deepest levels. Instead, we must practice being held, which requires a different energy and orientation to life. As always, we explore practical ways to put such a shift in mindset into action.

This conversation with Daphne Larkin and Dr. Christy Bauman is an exploration of the importance of knowing and telling our hard stories. Through real life-examples, we survey how telling stories creates greater flexibility in our perspective, resilience in our attitudes, and kindness in how we hold our own narratives, as we become empowered to live well. Ultimately, telling hard stories leads us to re-parent ourselves and re-story our lives, leading not only to our flourishing, but to a flourishing world around us. 

In this Short, we explore a simple two-step practice for seizing the day rather than letting the day seize you. The practice is straightforward: a commitment to spend a few moments in a slow, unhurried posture combined with a consistent engagement of your “grounding story.” In this episode, we explain what a grounding story is, how to create one, and how you can use it to pursue freedom and clarity every morning.

In this Naming the Real Short—a bonus episode in our Storytelling Series—we explore the idea of “discharging a loyal soldier,” which is releasing a belief/part of us that kept us safe but now keeps us stuck. By thanking the part, releasing the part, and re-assigning the part to a new role, we can transcend the places where we've got mired and move to greater flourishing. 

The person that we are includes many parts, organized around our true Self. But many times we feel stuck, because we believe our most frustrated or seemingly dysfunctional part is our actual identity, or because we don't how to integrate our parts into a greater whole. In this episode, we consider the reality that you aren't crazy for talking to yourself—far from it! That, in fact, dialoguing with our various parts can release us into freedom. To that end, we consider a rubric for having mindful conversations with our parts, which can call our entire being into wholeness and flourishing.

In this episode—our first Naming the Real SHORT—we explore the two primary ways that Celtic spirituality helps us see the world differently than the way promulgated by Western Imperial Christianity. 

Human beings tend to resist and avoid; it's a default state for us. But resistance and avoidance lock us into a life of gray horizons—on automatic, far from the thrill of fully feeling or fully flourishing. And yet we are never without tools to get us unstuck. In this episode, we explore the incredible power of telling hard stories for reinventing what we see as possible. We dive into some fascinating data and science around what telling hard stories does for our bodies. And we lay out practical steps for taking on your own stories. Finally, we close with an example of a hard story.

Most people feel, to some degree, that they are on trial, that they must prove themselves and “be enough.” Some people experience such accusations in the form of an inner critic who torments and even terrorizes. How do we transcend such inner accusation? In this episode, we look at ancient wisdom as well as modern neuroscience—including the research of Jaak Panksepp—to understand how our brains work, which can point us to a path of freedom. Through intentional practices such as naming, learning to feel emotions more deeply, and playfulness, we can transcend the inner voices of accusation and cultivate a liberating peace within.

In this conversation with Dr. Christy Bauman, we explore the wisdom of the womb and the infinite guidance it offers us. In a world where God has largely been conceived of as male, what does it mean to embrace the divine feminine and the wisdom of womanhood? Ultimately, Christy invites us to become those who do not look away—from reality, from life, from suffering— learning instead to become ourselves through it. 

Learn to access and express your anger artfully for greater confidence, advocacy and intimacy. Anger is commonly seen as wrong or taboo which can generate shame around it whether you experience it often or not. Anger is a gift that when understood, felt, and integrated can increase flourishing. Register now at https://namingthereal.com/product/the-art-of-anger/ to secure your spot and unlock the power of your anger.

We live in a time of crisis, with faith in traditional institutions and power structures falling precipitously, leaving us a dearth of meaningful narratives to which to cling. Many are deconstructing their faith as they find their own spiritual practice hollow. In this conversation with the celebrated spiritual thinker and writer J.P. Newell, new paths forward emerge. Through an exploration of Celtic thought and how its wisdom off-sets the dominant thinking of Imperial Christianity over the last two millennia, Newell invites us to re-think and re-set our relationship with the earth, with ourselves, and with the Divine. From this re-set invitation emerge new (yet ancient) ways of being human beings together, which can bring healing not only in our lives, but all around us. 

What we are we talking about when we talk about God? The God image that has dominated Western history is of an “old man in the sky.” Even if we know this image is metaphorical and laughable, it nevertheless dominates the Western imagination: God is “up there,” transcendent, and we are “down here.” In this episode, we discuss why how we talk about God is so important, because it influences how we think about all sorts of things. And we explore how cultivating a philosophy of the Divine as immanent—“right here”—can change our values and how we not only experience but also participate in the world around us.

There is perhaps no experience more visceral and soul-consuming than shame. And shame is opportunistic—it can enter our lives and bodies not only through things we've done, but by things done to us. Further, we can often feel absolutely powerless in the face of shame. But we do not have to resign ourselves to hopelessness. A life of flourishing of freedom is available. It requires courage and practices for engaging shame discharge. In this episode, we cover some simple—but not simplistic—practices for discharging shame and living in freedom, authenticity, and resilience.

Our culture is in crisis, revealed in skyrocketing rates of anxiety and depression, even (and especially) amongst the most comfortable and well-off. Dr. Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation, diagnoses our cultural crisis as rooted, in part, in the "druggification" of our society. Specifically, she explains how addiction functions writ large across our culture through an over-abundance of dopamine triggers, utimately leading to dopamine deficit states—a state in which it is not possible to enjoy anything at all. Her answer? Lean into pain and discomfort. Her message is counter-cultural, but it may very well change your life.

In part 2 of a conversation with Dr. Stephen Backhouse, we explore how Christian Nationalism trains people to be anti-Christ. You cannot walk the way of Jesus—the way of non-violence and of caring for your neighbor, let alone your enemy—while abiding by the tenets of nationalism. Understanding these dynamics helps us not only understand our own lives, no matter our orientation to faith, and helps us make sense of the polarized world around us.

In this conversation with Dr. Stephen Backhouse, we explore how the philosophy of 19th century Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard illuminates the dynamics of our own day. Specifically, how the phenomenon of Christian Nationalism—the fusing of Christian spirituality with the lust for power (which ultimately obliterates the former)—seems to recur in some shape or form in every era, and certainly our own. In recognizing this lust for power, which is antithetical to spirituality and certainly to the teaching of Jesus, we can transcend many traps and live not in fear but in courage, hope, and love.

We are often tempted to orient our lives around some sort of arrival point—enough money or fame or religion to give us certainty, to give us power, but flourishing life is about learning to live in the surrender of constant tension and balance. In this episode, we explore how balance underlies all of reality and how pursuing balance will lead us into practices that leave us in a state of awe, mystery, and unhurriedness.

In this new series, “Scripture, Science and Spirituality,” we will explore what it takes to flourish as human beings in the midst of a culture that is increasingly disconnected and despairing. Using the wisdom of the Judeo-Christian scripture as our guide, we will focus on the nature of desire, what actually satisfies our desire, and the practices it takes to thrive as human beings. In this first episode, we dive into a vision for living in balance and connection, as we avoid the ego temptations of mere appearance and the allure of false certitudes and ground our lives in courage, hope, and practices for sustained change and transformation.

Season 3 Part II will be dropping soon, with new episodes about spirituality and what it means to be fully human. In the meantime, learn out more about the 12-week Restoried Coaching that is launching in November. This coaching process will cover all the fundamental practices and disciplines of change and transformation and is designed to support you as you create something completely new in your life! More information at https://namingthereal.com/coaching/

In this follow-up to our series on Internal Family Systems, therapist Vanessa Trine takes us deeper into the IFS framework. She unpacks what IFS is as well as how understanding and implementing its core tenets can lead to a much fuller and whole-hearted experience of life—a life of deep meaning, purpose, and connection.

Megan Dietrick (meganraecoaching.com) is a Methodist worship director as well as a coach who helps people recover from religious-based trauma and cultures of fear. In this episode, which hits on a number of ideas previously discussed in this podcast (purity culture, faith deconstruction/reconstruction, a critique of evangelical Christianity), Megan brings a unique, hope-filled voice while not failing to name with unflinching honesty many of the failings of cultures that become guided by fear rather than love. What emerges in the conversation is hope for pursuing lives that transcend fear and trauma, and for building communities centered in hope and resilience.  

What if we are mistaken about what other people actually believe? Turns out...that's often the case. In this episode, we explore the reality—and the implications—of collective illusions, which is the social phenomenon of people mis-perceiving what the majority actually thinks or believes. Following the work of Todd Rose and the think tank Populace, we dive into the ominous reality that collective illusions are proliferating, and what we can do to reverse the trend. The invitation that emerges is a beautiful one: to do the work of knowing others (and being known ourselves) in entirely new ways.

Dopamine is the brain's reward chemical, crucial for regulating human motivation, desire, and focus. Yet never in human history have so many dopamine-delivery vehicles (from sugar to social media to online shopping) been so pervasive. We live in a dopamine-glutted world. And the overabundance of dopamine creates continual pitfalls of over-indulgence and addiction all around us. In this episode, we explore the neurobiology of dopamine and, following the work of Dr. Anna Lembke, the mindbody's pain-pleasure balance. Because understanding this principle and  engaging core practices to keep your life in balance can radically change you...and help change the world.

We live in a hurried age, that's obvious. And yet we still fail to grasp how imperative slowing down and living in unhurriedness is for everything that matters in life. In this episode, we explore why and how slowing down matters so much and what it opens up for us. And we explore six practices that you can engage to live in unhurriedness, even if your calendar remains full and busy. Because there's great hope: you can be quite busy and yet become and remain absolutely unhurried in all things.

We live in a disconnected world—increasingly alienated from ourselves and our bodies, from the natural world, and from others. Much of this disconnection is catalyzed by hyper-individualism which sets self-expression above self-transcendence. This episode is about encountering the seeming intelligence of the universe which seems to be constantly inviting us into a life of deep connection. Along the way, we explore the world of trees, bees, and other stunning examples of interdepdence in the world around us, and the miracles of our mindbody wiring. What emerges is a pathway to transcending isolation and disconnection in favor of an entirely connected way of being alive as a human being.  

Brandon sits down with one of his heroes to discuss the process of becoming a fully flourishing human, even when it involves walking through trauma and grief. An exploration of mindfulness, presence, the importance of sex, and the need to tell our stories. We start with the reality that we are never fully “healed,” but that life is an ongoing process of stepping into wholeness and healing. And we explore what that takes, in practical terms.  

Are you happy right now? And what do we even mean when we use the word "happy"? Our society has implicit notions of what happiness is and how we attain it, but often these notions are incomplete at best and backwards at worst. In this episode, we explore a rubric for happiness and some practical steps for becoming truly, wildly happy. 

When we think of the brain, what probably comes to mind (pun intentional) is our conscious thinking. And while our pre-frontal cortex and verbal processing is amazing, ninety-five percent of our intelligence is non-verbal, occurring outside of our conscious intelligence. In this episode we explore the “iceberg” model of brain functioning with its three layers (conscious, subconscious, and unconscious). And we explore how we can intentionally create space to receive the messages that our unconscious intelligence has for us. Because by bridging our conscious and unconscious, we can radically change our lives.

We tend to think of emotions as things that “just happen,” and there's a lot of truth in that. But it's also true that we have far more agency to cultivate and develop our emotional life in specific and stunning ways, changing the experience and direction of our lives. We don't have to become stuck in emotions or live devoid of emotion. In this episode, we follow the work of Dr. Candace Pert and explore the physiology of emotions: that emotions are based in chemical realities grounded in “molecules of emotion”—neurotransmitters and neuropeptides. That this physicality is actually the basis of our spirituality. And that we have power to experience emotion in stunning ways which can ultimately help us change the world around us.

We tend to think of emotions as things that “just happen to us,” and indeed that is part of our human experience. But we may also miss the degree to which we have a say over and agency in what emotions we experience and how we experience them. In this episode, the first in a short series on the world of emotions, we explore what Dr. Brené Brown calls “emotional granularity”—the skill of distinguishing between and naming emotions at a refined level. This skill, it turns out, is critical for emotional health and happiness and for living a flourishing life.

We deconstruct trauma by telling stories. In this episode—another conversation with Brandon's cousin, Dr. Alex Gee—the story of their black and white family is told in greater detail. But this episode is not just about race; it's about we connect, how we tell hard stories, how we be human with each other, and how we transcend trauma together.