Podcast appearances and mentions of edwin friedman

In A Failure of Nerve, Edwin Friedman maintained that societal regression is counter evolutionary. In this episode, I unpack his five evolutionary principles of life as leadership principles.Show Notes:Become a Patron for as little as $5/month.Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ email newsletter.

Joe Rigney's War on Empathy was inspired, in part, by Edwin Friedman. Here's where I agree and disagree with him.Show Notes:The Sin of Empathy — A Conversation with Joe Rigney - AlbertMohler.comThe Anatomy of a Steer by Joseph RigneyBecome a Patron for as little as $5/month.Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ email newsletter.

Martha Beck's concept of the anxiety spiral and creativity spiral resonate with Edwin Friedman's definition of a non-anxious leader. Here's how.Show Notes:Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity and Finding Your Life's Purpose by Martha BeckA Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin FriedmanBecome a Patron for as little as $5/month.Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ email newsletter.

How we respond to challenge and crisis is a big factor in whether we will survive and even thrive. These three factors come from a lecture that Edwin Friedman gave in 1985.Show Notes:Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and SynagogueThe Center for Family ProcessSubscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ email newsletter.

The staff dive into one of the pivotal mindsets that has shifted culture at Kinwell: embracing the spirit of adventure instead of safety. When the school has embraced keeping things the same because of normalcy and consistency, students get stuck in rhythms and their perspectives cannot be shifted to see what's possible. Edwin Friedman calls this "imaginative gridlock" in his book, A Failure of Nerve. Instead, stepping into the unknown and taking risks, sometimes deeply personal, has led to a true change of culture in our school. Hear some of the great stories from school in this process!Support the showwww.kinwellacademy.orgSign up for newsletter

Our special guest today is Adelaide Garner. Adelaide is wife to Ben, and mother to four little treasures. They are Reformed Evangelical Christians. She was a pastor's wife for many years, but their family has moved into Ben owning a small business. Adelaide and Ben are second generation homeschoolers and use Charlotte Mason's principles. They live in a 120-year-old farmhouse on several acres outside of Houston, Texas. Six years ago, Adelaide, after many years of struggling with her own health. decided to become a certified health coach. When she learned to ask better questions, she found better answers for her health and the health of her family. She enjoys helping women find a grateful, sober-minded, and non-anxious approach to caring for the wellbeing of their families, to the Glory of God.  We had a few audio issues during this recording, so you'll have to forgive us for the handful of snags you hear along the way. With that said, today's conversation was fascinating because it combines a book we all read for last year's mentorship, A Failure of Nerve, by Edwin Friedman, with issues surrounding autism and other special needs. *** The live kickoff for our newest Scholé Sisters mentorship took place a couple weeks ago. Our mentorships are for Sophie-level Sistership members.  However, our kickoff was for everyone, even those of you on our free plan. If you are not yet in the Sistership but want to watch the replay of the live kickoff for the Mentorship (which we've named Stable and Steadfast: Standing on Your God-given Rights), go to scholesisters.com/join and sign up! *** Click here to access today's show notes. Click here to join the FREE area of the Sistership.

In this episode, host John Terrill has a conversation with Michaela O'Donnell and Lisa Pratt Slayton about their new book, Life in Flux: Navigational Skills to Guide and Ground You in an Ever-Changing World. We explored how internal and external reactions are crucial in effective leadership and the importance of profound inner work. Here are three key takeaways:

Lantz and Tod Bolsinger discussed the role of leadership in facilitating transformation, with a focus on personal growth, adaptive leadership, and the importance of transformation. They also explored the differences and similarities between the marketplace and ministry worlds, the concept of sabotage in leadership, the importance of mentorship in personal and professional growth, and how if you don't have a mentor you are committing leadership malpractice. Additionally, they delved into the classic book by Edwin Friedman and Lantz's number one most recommended leadership book "Failure of Nerve" and its insights on family systems theory and adaptive leadership, and how these concepts can be applied in your leadership. Tod Bolsinger https://www.aesloanleadership.com Get your copy of the Practicing Change Leadership series. -- Lantz Howard is your trusted advisor and guide for solving complex leadership problems and reaching your next goal with your whole heart. www.lantzhoward.com

Listen in as a Joe Rigney and Michael Carlino join David Schrock to discuss Joe's book Leadership and Emotional Sabotage and to apply the lessons from this book to the Southern Baptist Convention. Timestamps Intro – 00:28 Joe Rigney's Time and Interest in the SBC - 03:26 The Genesis of Joe Rigney's Book and Edwin Friedman 05:45 Rigney's Influence on Michael Carlino - 10:18 How Do We See the Sin of Empathy Being Worked Out in the SBC Today? - 13:34 Friedman's Fable Regarding Empathy - 16:35 Neutralizing the SBC and the Progressive Gaze - 21:54 Being Fractured and Frustrated - 26:14 Sensing the Steering - 27:22 How Does the Law Amendment Help the SBC to Not Be Steered? - 29:43 Feminism and Femininity -33:21 Women Should Not Be the Barometer for the Church - 36:04 The Female Gaze - 38:21 Deborah, Barak, and Jael - 39:51 The Levites Being Able to Suppress Brotherly Affection - 41:49 Closing and Outro - 45:16  Resources to Click “The SBC Isn't Drifting, It's Being Steered: A Sober-Minded Response to Emotional Sabotage” – Michael Carlino “Of Empathy and Monsters” – Joe Rigney “With One Voice” – Joe Rigney Center For Baptist Leadership Podcast Learn about the Law Amendment at SBCAmendment.org The Sin of Empathy – Doug Wilson and Joe Rigney Donate to the SBC Giveaway of Leadership and Emotional Sabotage Register for SBC at a Crossroads Theme of the Month: Great Books Throughout the Ages Give to Support the Work  Books to Read Leadership and Emotional Sabotage – Joe Rigney The Things of Earth: Treasuring God by Enjoying His Gifts – Joe Rigney A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix – Edwin Friedman Friedman's Fables – Edwin Friedman

Support the show!! - https://www.patreon.com/chasedavishttps://emotionalsabotage.com/“Leadership and Emotional Sabotage” - https://amzn.to/3TdlIkCJoe Rigney Twitter - https://twitter.com/joe_rigneySummaryIn this conversation, Joe Rigney discusses his book on leadership and emotional sabotage. He explores the concept of institutions as shock absorbers and the importance of non-anxious presence in leadership. Rigney also delves into the role of passions in leadership and the dangers of highly empathetic communities. He emphasizes the need for boundaries and sober-mindedness in order to navigate emotional dynamics effectively. In this conversation, Joe Rigney discusses the importance of recognizing and resisting the steering wheel of slander. He emphasizes the need to be aware of when slander is being used to manipulate and steer others, and to have clarity on the purpose and mission of the institution. Joe also addresses the issue of cowardice and its contagious nature, highlighting the importance of courage in standing firm on God's Word. He encourages Christians to be winsome by being courageous and faithful in their speech and actions.TakeawaysInstitutions can serve as shock absorbers in times of crisis, providing stability and a sense of calm.Non-anxious presence is not about making others feel comfortable, but about being steady and steadfast in the face of turmoil.Passions, or instinctive and impulsive reactions, can either be a blessing or a destructive force when they run the show.Highly empathetic communities can be prone to enmeshment and lack of boundaries, leading to emotional volatility.Sober-mindedness is the ability to govern and shepherd one's own passions, avoiding being controlled by them or by the passions of others. Recognize when slander is being used to manipulate and steer others.Have clarity on the purpose and mission of the institution to resist being derailed by emotional pressures.Be willing to be slandered for the sake of faithfulness, but also ensure that the slander is false.Respond to slander with curiosity and clarity, seeking to understand the motivations behind it.Courage is contagious and can be a powerful witness to the world.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Book Discussion13:04 Institutions as Shock Absorbers18:13 Understanding Non-Anxious Presence25:30 The Role of Passions in Leadership29:39 The Dangers of Highly Empathetic Communities35:36 The Importance of Boundaries and Sober-Mindedness38:01 Recognizing and Resisting the Steering Wheel of Slander47:19 Dealing with Slander and False Accusations51:31 Responding to Accusations with Courage and Clarity59:42 The Pitfalls of Winsomeness and Cowardice01:07:09 The Contagious Nature of Cowardice and the Power of CourageSupport the showSign up for the Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/chasedavisFollow Full Proof Theology on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fullprooftheology/Follow Full Proof Theology on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/fullprooftheology/

Edwin Friedman's last book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, challenges us to lead differently. Here's how. Show Notes: A Failure of Nerve, Revised Edition: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jack-shitama/message

As we've heard on multiple occasions, Sunday is like the fat kid spinning the merry-go-round roundabout on the playground for all the other kids. In this analogy, the other kids are the other days of the week. The kids aren't very interested in how he's going to spin them, as long as it gets accomplished. But, this Considerable Kid has his techniques.I was talking to Calvin Higgins about baseball pitching techniques. I am as much a sports guy as most of you are Russian. I appreciate the identity, and at times wish that I could identify as such, but the reality is that the identity isn't mine. A pitcher gets the power for the throw not from his arm or shoulder, or even his back. The kinetic energy build up starts in the legs. The pitcher generates mechanical energy in one leg, passes it back and forth, before transferring it through his body, whipping his arm, and into the ball.In the same way, the Considerable Kid stepping up to the merry-go-round is ready with his technique. He builds his mechanical energy, winds the swing back, transfers to a forward movement, and launches the play-set into a spin.If we were to zoom in on that final moment of him launching the set, to see what happens when he lets go, that moment is what I'll scratch at today.# Equipped To GoJust like the baseball pitch, and the Considerable spin, our Lord's Day Liturgy is structured a specific way, to accomplish a specific result. Last Sunday, Sean talked about our aim in our worship liturgy, as our "progress and joy in the faith."I'd like to build on that foundation. We are aiming to make progress in our faith, and to increase the joy of our faith, but what does that look like when it happens? What does a community of people who have made and are making progress in the faith look like?The point of all the energy being put into the spin is for the merry-go-round to spin. Being equipped with what we receive in worshipping the Lord, we are then sent out. We have a considerable blessing here at Trinity Evangel Church. The fundamental, decisive factor in why we love what we have here is God's blessing. Every Sunday His blessing equips us.But it doesn't equip us in order for us to then sit still on the play-set. That would be like the Considerable Fatty Kid cranking his body back, twisting forward, and right before the launch, he has a sudden jerk and stops the expected spin because everybody was so happy and comfortable on the play-set. "Why would we ruin it? We're having such a good time. It's going to get messy. Let's not risk it."That would be ridiculous. We're on this thing in order to be spun. We come to church in order to be sent out. The TEC Bubble is a thing. It's comfortable here. Yes, that is one of God's blessings on us. But, we are to be sent out. There are those in our body who's role it is to cultivate and maintain the condition of our community. And then there are those who's role it is to go and build something. We are meant to subdue the earth - to subdue Marysville - under the Lordship of Christ.A people who are making progress and increasing in the joy of their faith are a people who are not sitting still. They're taking ground. Our Lord's Day battering ram efforts are setting the tone for the rest of our week.The Bible warns against a lack of enthusiasm. Once Spurgeon was preaching to a sleepy congregation who had eaten too much before the service. When he couldn't get their attention he shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" When they jumped from their seats and asked where it was, he said, "In hell!"Young people are too often lethargic in their progress because they think they have time. "I have all my life before me. What's the rush?" While the more advanced in age can be lethargic in their progress because they think they don't have much time. "My life is behind me. What's the use?" And so, with a lack of expediency, Christians continue in their lukewarmness.We are under God's provisional hand here at Trinity Evangel. Livy's analysis about Hannibal's army is something for us to look out for. After multiple victories on the part of the Carthaginians, the solders got confident in the wrong things and grew comfortable and complacent.> The habit of idleness which each day made more seductive, so weakened the fibres of both body and mind that from that time forward it was their past victories that protected them rather than their present strength.We don't want to be a people that only looks back, grows comfortable and complacent. We want to trust God for his blessings on us as we go and advance.# Equipped With ConfidenceThe Lord's Day equips us for the advancement of our faith. So what does it equip us with? What is the kinetic energy transfer from the Call-to-Worship, through the Cs, and out the Commissioning?Hebrews Chapter 11 defines and demonstrates a life of faith in different circumstances in response to the call for a life of faith that Chapter 10 gives. If we're going to talk about progress and joy in faith, the second half of Hebrews 10 is not a bad place to get our feet wet.Hebrews 10:19-25> Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.- We are called to draw near to God with ***confidence to enter*** in verses 19-20.- We have full ***assurance of faith*** with clean hearts and washed bodies because of our Great Priest in verses 21-22- We are ***steadfast in the confession*** of our hope in verse 23.- And we are ***encouraged through fellowship*** and communion in verses 24-25.This is our Call-to-Worship, Confession, Consecration, and Communion.And what we are receiving for each of those things is:- Confidence to enter- Full assurance of faith- Unwavering steadfastness, and- Encouragement in our assemblingApart from other things, the blessing that we're receiving from worshipping the Lord is a **Confidence of Faith**. This is the kinetic energy transfer through our worship service that launches us out.Our worship creates in us a **Confidence of Faith**. We then see a pattern of Commissioning in verses 26-39. Verses 26-31 say that in our assurance of faith, we do not go on sinning. And Verses 32-34 say that being enlightened, we endure suffering well. As we go out, we are to be confident when we are under temptations to sin, and trails of suffering.There is this pattern of Call-to-Commission that we see in Hebrews 10:19-34. And it culminates with the "therefore" in verse 35.Hebrews 10:35-39> Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For,> “Yet a little while, > and the coming one will come and will not delay;> but my righteous one shall live by faith, > and if he shrinks back, > my soul has no pleasure in him.”> But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.# Anxiety Brings DestructionWhen people shrink back, they do so because they're in an unpleasant place. They're under some kind of pressure where it is easier to give way than hold their ground. They're in a tight, constricted, painful place.***"angh"***: tight, constricted, painful, strangled, and compressed - Angst - Anger - Anguish - AnxietyWe feel squeezed and pressured - with fear or pain - and so we shrink back. We live in an anxious world.Edwin Friedman, in ***A Failure of Nerve***, presents this sort of culture of chronic anxiety as the thing that destroys institutions - from families, to churches, to nations. He says that "America has become so chronically anxious that our society has gone into an emotional regression."A downward spiral towards ultimate destruction. He says,> The anxiety is so deep within the emotional processes of our nation that it is almost as though a neurosis has become nationalized.Friedman was not a believer. But he did point out the truth that the author of Hebrews asserts in this verse.The phrase "who shrink back and are destroyed" could be better translated as "those of timidity unto destruction." There's a clear connection between the shrinking back - being of timidity - and the destruction that is more direct than just an "and" communicates. One leads to the other.When we shrink back in timidity, when we are anxious, we are anxious unto destruction. Anxiety brings destruction.Anxiety manifests itself in our demonstrations of faithlessness. We yield to the pressure of temptations or trials and don't do what we ought, focusing on the frustrations of our circumstance instead of the confidence of our faith.The author of Hebrews contrasts shrinking back with having faith. Which means, the reason we shrink back in anxiety is due to a lack of faith. We doubt God's promises. (10:36) Doubt is the petri dish in which the culture of anxiety grows. We shrink back from being steadfast and head into destruction when we throw away our confidence. (10:35)We have received confidence to enter, assurance of faith, unwavering steadfastness, encouragement in communion. Therefore, do not throw it away.Doubt brings anxiety. Anxiety brings destruction.# Faith Brings LifeHebrews 10.39Our worship and liturgy is meant to equip the progress of our faith so that we may hold fast in confidence without any doubt. Our worship brings about an assurance of faith.- In our Call to Worship we are equipped with the confidence of God's presence.- In our Confession we are equipped with the assurance of forgiveness.- In our Consecration we are equipped with steadfastness in our confession of hope.- In our Communion we are equipped with encouragement in fellowship.So that in our Commissioning, we may be equipped with the sort of faith that brings life everywhere it goes.The phrase "who have faith and preserve their souls" could also be better translated as "those of faith *unto the preservation* of their souls." The faith leads to the preservation of the soul. We are not to be timid and cowardly moving backwards. We are to be confident and assured, advancing forward.There is a wrong way to be confident. In 2017, Sean gave me one of the best rebukes I've ever received, "Your level of confidence doesn't match your level of competence." That could be written on my gravestone. "He had more confidence than competence."Being confident in ourselves is not the Confidence of Faith that we're after. "Believe in yourself," although is usually said with good intentions, is arguably the worst advice you can receive.G.K. Chesterton has the famous section in Orthodoxy when he's criticizing "believing in yourself." He said a publisher once commended a person for believing in himself. To which Chesterton replied:> Shall I tell you where the men are who believe most in themselves? For I can tell you. I know of men who believe in themselves more colossally than Napoleon or Caesar. I know where flames the fixed star of certainty and success. I can guide you to the thrones of the Supermen. The men who really believe in themselves are all in the lunatic asylums.In our day, the lunatic asylums have been let loose. We have men fully confident that they're women. Women confident that their men. Identity crises everywhere. He goes on.> Complete self-confidence is not merely a sin; complete self-confidence is a weakness.It's not self-confidence that we have. I've never liked the phrase “Work like an Arminian, sleep like a Calvinist.” Its awfully misguided. Having to rely on yourself and working like God doesn't control the outcome is extremely discouraging, frightening, and angst-producing. No. Work *and* sleep like a Calvinist.Having an assurance of faith in the sovereignty of God is like strapping jet-packs to whatever it is you're doing Monday-Saturday. If God wills it, then what you're endeavoring to do will work. And if He doesn't, you'll be the better for it, and you don't need to be anxious. Your confidence is to be in Him, not in yourself.Self-confidence is usually a demonstration of a masked lack of confidence. There's a type of assertive brashness that pours out from a pitcher of insecure restlessness. Having to prove your worth or flex your size, in front of others or for your own reassurance, is not confidence. The goal is not to act confident. It's to be so.David demonstrates this kind of confidence in Psalm 27, which Jonathan read for us.Psalm 27:1> The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?Psalm 27:3> Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.And notice why David has this confidence of faith.Psalm 27:4> One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.David wants to be in God's presence. He wants to look upon the Lord.Psalm 27:8> You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”David seeks the Lord, and believes that he will look upon Him.Psalm 27:13> I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!He encourages us to do likewise.Psalm 27:14> Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!The confidence that we receive from the Lord comes out of our faith in the Lord and His word, as we stand in His presence, giving Him our worship and our praise, Sunday to Sunday. We spin on the merry-go-round, and every cycle the Considerable Day grabs the handle and launches us again. Our worship creates a Confidence of Faith that brings about considerable life everywhere we take it, not a timid anxiety that carries with it a shriveled destruction. We go out into the anxious world, with an unwavering presence.# We Have The Confidence of FaithVerse 39 doesn't just tell us that faith brings life. The entire structure of the verse, and the half-chapter leading up to it is to demonstrate to us the assurance that we do have the confidence of faith.Faith, not fear.Advancement, not anxiety.Trust, not timidity.Preservation, not perdition.Confidence, not cowardice.We don't wait for confidence in order to then obey in faith. We are already of those who have faith. Do not throw away your confidence.# ConclusionWhat do people with the faith that we're equipped with every Sunday and make progress in look like? They look like a confidently joyful people with an unwavering presence bringing life into an anxious world.When we look at the world's anxiety, it is tempting to join them in it, in a sort of hysterical reaction. It gets personal out there. The enmity is not between two abstract energy sources. The antithesis plays out through flesh and blood, voices and votes, diapers and spanking sticks.We're tired of the repetitive lessons with our kids, and the ongoing rebellion. Their disobedience feels personal, and we're tempted to shrink back and respond with a lack of faith, with frustration and anger, a lack of endurance and steadfastness.Or perhaps your kids are grown and not walking with the Lord. There is contempt and brokenness in your relationship. You are tempted to misplace your faith, shrink back into anxiety leading into further destruction, instead of demonstrating a calm confidence and assurance of faith, leading to the preservation of your soul.Perhaps its with your work that you are tempted to shrink back and throw away your confidence. Your plans are not aligning like you wanted them to. Things are not working out as you had hoped. So, you're tempted to be anxious and timid, leading unto destruction, instead of holding fast to the confession of your hope with cheerful boldness.Perhaps you're in much pain, day in and day in, acute and encompassing. Not shrinking back is a daily, raging battle for you. You're tempted to doubt the goodness of the Lord, and let go of your endurance. Remember, that "you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." "Do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward."We run into anxiety nearly everywhere we go. In the midst of all of that, do not throw away your confidence. Hold fast to the confession of your hope - that Jesus Christ is Lord, and it will all be okay.We make progress in faith and in joy my getting deeper and deeper rooted in our assurance of faith. We are not to be an anxious people in an anxious world.If our liturgy was focused on ourselves, or held us in our guilt, or gave us merely information about the truth, or was a memorial instead of a celebration, we would be well-equipped to join the world in their anxiety.But our worship every Lord's Day brings us into God's presence with confidence, gives us the full assurance of faith with clean hearts, makes us steadfast in our confession of hope, and encourages us in our communion with God and one another. All to make us a confident people with an unwavering presence in an anxious world.We want to be the kind of people that run into the battle without hysteria and panic. We want to be a people that are confident, competent, and calm. We receive this blessing of the confidence of faith when we enter into God's presence in worship, and then we take it with us as we go out to live a life of faith through embodied joy under the Lordship of Christ.----------## ChargeYou know that without faith it is impossible to please God. Do you know, though, that God *rewards* those who draw near in faith? It's the same verse (Hebrews 11:6)! You believe, keep seeking His blessing. You believe, keep doing good by faith. You believe, go in the confidence of His blessing.## Benediction:> To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Thessalonians 1:11–12 ESV)

“The Failure of Nerve” by Edwin Friedman is one of the best leadership books I’ve…Continue readingEp. 57 – The Sanctified Differentiated Leader The post Ep. 57 – The Sanctified Differentiated Leader first appeared on Business 300.

Today's episode is the annual episode we recorded at the retreat when we were together in real life, which means we have to apologize to you for the sound. You'd think it'd be better in person, but the reality is that a single shared microphone is a questionable idea. With that said, we had so much fun discussing a portion of Edwin Friedman's excellent on leadership, A Failure of Nerve. You're going to love this conversation! *** Have you heard about our upcoming Sophie Mentorship? It starts very soon on October 23rd! If you like today's podcast discussion, you will love the mentorship because we'll be spending extended time immersed in ideas surrounding being an adult and becoming a strong leader. In fact, the mentorship is called Grow Up: Courage to Be the Adult in the Room. We'll be reading from four different books (including the classic Art of War by Sun Tzu) and having various types of rich discussions as we flesh out how to grow up so that we can better mother our children. Just go to scholesisters.com/sistership and join as a Sophie to be a part of this fabulous four-month study. *** Click here to access today's show notes. Click here to join the Sistership.

Edwin Friedman's book Failure of Nerve is a hidden gem for personal and organizational leadership. In this episode, Cole and Terry discuss the key ideas and the ways Friedman's work compares and contrasts with Christian wisdom for leaders. 

We're back for more *altar commitments*, as in, more of what life as a living sacrifice looks like. A bunch of this applies to body life; if the individual members of the body used their gifts for the body and then treated one another according to these “one anothers” in verses 9-21, we'd be built up and blessed. Paul gives us more of the Ancient Jealousable Ways, and verses 14-16 are particularly outside the world's pattern. These are commitments for what living sacrifices look like, but also *altar perspectives*, *how* living sacrifices look. These perspectives put our self-absorbed attitudes up on the altar to die. For the first time we hit actual imperatives in the original text. Verse 14 alone has three of them, and there's another one that finishes verse 16. But, as in verses 9-13, there are some secondary verbs that should be taken as modifiers, which hardly any of the typical English translations recognize. I'd propose this way of reading the passage:> **Bless** the ones persecuting you; > **bless** and **do not curse**.> [**Seek**] *to rejoice* with those rejoicing, > *to weep* with those weeping.> *Thinking* the same toward one another, > *not thinking* highly, > but *associating* with the lowly, > **do not be wise** according to yourself. We've considered in verses 9-13 the requirements to Love Discriminately, Honor Surpassingly, and Christian Zealously, and there are three more in these verses. There's plenty to make your teeth hurt so good, like biting into orange juice concentrate. # Bless Transcendently (verse 14)Don't fake love, don't phone in serving the Lord, be helpful to those with needs, so said verses 9-13. While that actually can be challenging enough, verse 14 takes the challenge up to another level. In fact, obedience here it requires seeing beyond the field immediately in front of you. > **Bless** those who persecute you; > **bless** and **do not curse** them.To **bless** has obvious verbal implications. First, it's built into the word; *eulogeo* is from *eu* meaning good/well and *logeo* meaning speak, so “good wording” or “speaking well,” so our word eulogy means a speech of praise. Second, it's contrasted with cursing (and with reviling elsewhere), which is also primarily associated with words. But blessing others in the Bible is more than a spoken formula, it includes the desire for the other person to receive good - beyond what the situation calls for. For Christians, when we bless someone else, we want God's special favor to be given. We bless our kids, we bless our friends, we want God to give them good. Here we are commanded to bless our hostiles, “the ones persecuting you.” This is a substantival participle, characterizing the ones who harass, pressure, and attack. Bless *them*. Remember that this is the first explicit command since verse 9, and it is immediately repeated and followed with a prohibition. To **curse** is more than to complain, though it includes that. It's to desire the harm and/or misery of someone else, invoking supernatural power to bring about the pain. You almost always have a *reason* to get back at them. Be careful little mouth what you say. There's much more about this in verses 17-21. Since we've got more than Romans, I think this is encouraging:> Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. (1 Peter 3:9 ESV)It is the Christian's calling to do the contrary than be conformed to the world's ways *so that* we may obtain a blessing. That requires faith, a transcendent perspective and trust in the “faithful Creator” who works suffering for good while we're doing good (see 1 Peter 4:19). Jesus taught that it is no big deal to love those who love you; loving lovers is the natural, *worldly* way (Matthew 5:44, 46). What if the ones persecuting you are the government? What if they are a business—that you paid for—with shoddy products/service? The primary context is interpersonal, but if your reactions are as self-absorbed as the world's, then don't expect to obtain great blessing yourself. # Relate Sympathetically (verse 15)There is no explicit command in verse 15, but two parallel phrases that start with infinitives. Rather than understand the command “be (something)” as in the previous verses, here something such as “seek” or “pursue” works better. > [**Seek**] *to rejoice* with those who rejoice, > *to weep* with those who weep.There are “rejoicers” and there are “weepers.” To the Corinthians Paul had them connected within the church body:> If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. (1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV)In the previous verse we wouldn't think of persecutors as being brothers in Christ, but we're also not supposed to think the same thing as non-Christians like in the following verse. We can at least say that this verse applies to rejoicers/weepers we worship with, and yet there are ways that we can relate even to unbelievers. It is mean to delight in another person's loss, but it is a different challenge to celebrate with their victories. The temptations to envy are legion compared to the temptations to being aloof. This is good, old-fashioned sympathy, shared *pathos*, understanding between people and having a common feeling. So compassion represents a suffering with, a concern for the pains of others. It's mutually exclusive with self-absorbed attitudes. There is discrimination involved. If the other person is weeping that his adultery didn't work out, you should rejoice in that. If she is weep-cursing her neighbor, don't have a good gripe-session. Give the benefit of the doubt, and also don't believe everything they say, at least not right away. Don't complain with those who complain-weep, and for that matter, don't immediately criticize those who weep as complainers. Don't sing songs to a troubled heart (Proverbs 25:20), and also, don't curse those who are trying to help, even if clumsily. # Think Accommodatingly (verse 16)There is an explicit imperative in verse 16, but comes at the end. Three participles (the verbs ending in -ing) before it prepare the way. > *Thinking* the same toward one another, > *not thinking* highly, > but *associating* with the lowly, > **do not be wise** according to yourself. The first phrase is turned into a command differently by some good translations: “Live in harmony with one another” (ESV) or “Be of the same mind toward one another” (NASB), but it could be “the same thing unto one another **thinking**.” The nuance of this word for thinking might be about carefully considering your opinion about a thing (BAGD). As it modifies the imperative coming at the end of the verse, it means that this is required, and so a kind of shared thinking is to be *pursued*. You can try it, make progress toward it. Harmony requires adjustments on *your* part. The same participle for **thinking** is used in the second phrase, with a negative for being “high,” and so figuratively referring to what is haughty, proud. This is apparently a big deal to Paul, since he stated it in 12:3 too, don't be “high-thinking.”In contrast we (gladly) bring ourselves to be **associating** with the lowly. Again, we adjust ourselves. We accommodate, which has the idea of providing space or even adapting the space so that things will fit. We adapt, we get our bearings where they belong, not thinking that we are all that. So the final imperative, **Do not be thinking (self-smart) in the sight of yourself**, is a play on words. Think accommodatingly not alienating-ly. Watch out when you estimate your perspective to be better than everyone else's, when you think of yourself as the standard rather than thinking of yourself in light of the standard, and along with others. This is ancient wisdom: Do not lean on your own understanding, be not wise in your own eyes (Proverbs 3:5, 7). Those who are self-absorbed are notoriously relentless and invulnerable to insight (Edwin Friedman). # ConclusionThese altar perspectives are more of the Ancient Jealousable Ways. All these require that we life from faith to faith, living in an awareness of God's oversight and governance. We must put our preoccupations with our own feelings, our own concerns, up on the altar to die. ----------## ChargeDon't be a blessing bully. Be sure that a rejoicing brother is rejoicing in *evil* before you try to “bless” him by confronting his rejoicing as wrong. Likewise, there is a time to weep and a time to mourn; don't “bless” them by demanding a dance out of season. Likewise likewise, if you can/must bless those who persecute you, then you can bless those who misunderstand what you're going through. There is no third line (in Romans 12:15), “Be angry with those who didn't rejoice or weep with you as they should have.” That's not a blessing either. ## Benediction:> Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.> The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. (2 Corinthians 13:11, 14, ESV)

According to Edwin Friedman, one of the characteristics of a chronically anxious society is the desire to seek safety instead of adventure. Non-anxious leaders seek adventure and learn to love it. Here's how. Show Notes: The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times by Michelle Obama A Failure of Nerve, Revised Edition: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jack-shitama/message

Episode 43 of Season 3 is a reflection on Edwin Friedman & Peter Steinke's A Failure of Nerve where they look at the human tendency to react to the most dysfunctional person in a family, group, or organization and in so doing abdicate much-needed stability. How can we respond in this hour? Take a listen to hear more. Connect with us at ideologypc@gmail.com // feel free to share, subscribe, rate, and/or comment Episode notes: - A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman & Peter Steinke

We live in a hurried age, that's obvious. And yet we still fail to grasp how imperative slowing down and living in unhurriedness is for everything that matters in life. In this episode, we explore why and how slowing down matters so much and what it opens up for us. And we explore six practices that you can engage to live in unhurriedness, even if your calendar remains full and busy. Because there's great hope: you can be quite busy and yet become and remain absolutely unhurried in all things.

Edwin Friedman described five characteristics of systems that promote burnout among their leaders. Understanding this can help you avoid the same fate. Part 1 goes through the characteristics. Part 2 helps leaders respond appropriately. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jack-shitama/message

Edwin Friedman described five characteristics of systems that promote burnout among their leaders. Understanding this can help you avoid the same fate. Part 1 goes through the characteristics. Part 2 helps leaders respond appropriately. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jack-shitama/message

How we respond to challenge and crisis is a big factor in whether we will survive and even thrive. These three factors come from a lecture that Edwin Friedman gave in 1985. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue The Center for Family Process Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jack-shitama/message

Tod Bolsinger and Markus Watson discuss this quote from A Failure of Nerve, by Edwin Friedman.“In any type of institution whatsoever, when a self-directed, imaginative, energetic, or creative member is being consistently frustrated and sabotaged rather than encouraged and supported, what will turn out to be true one hundred percent of the time, regardless of whether the disrupters are supervisors, subordinates, or peers, is that the person at the very top of that institution is a peace-monger.”Learn how to lead your church into ministry that matters. Check out my online course, Engaging God's Mission.

“And Jesus came and touched them, saying, ‘Get up and do not be afraid…” (Mt. 17). Grace Cathedral, San Francisco, CA 2D12 Last Epiphany (Year A) 11:00 a.m. Sunday 19 February 2023 Exodus 24:12-18 Psalm 99:1-8 2 Peter 1:16-21 Matthew 17:1-9 Last week in an email my friend Hugh Morgan observed that when it comes to social justice the Old Testament prophets sound strikingly modern to him. He wonders if the Old Testament has a stronger social justice message than the New Testament. [1] Today we consider this question.   But first let's define social justice as equality in wealth, political influence, cultural impact, respect… in opportunities to make a difference, to love and serve others. It involves creating a society in which every person is treated with dignity as a child of God, as bearing God's image. Jesus calls this the realm of God. Martin Luther King calls it “the beloved community.”   Today we celebrate the Last Sunday of Epiphany. Epiphany means a shining forth. You might call it a realization that utterly transforms us. The culminating story of this season occurs on a mountain top when Jesus' friends experience a mystical encounter with God.   In a recent conversation the law professor Patricia Williams spoke about two epiphanies that she had had. [2] For her whole life she had taken at face value family stories she had heard about her great-great-grandmother. These described her as a lazy person who was constantly fishing, as someone that no one liked. Then when Williams was in her twenties her sister discovered the bill of sale for their great-great-grandmother. In an instant she realized the truth. At the age of eleven her great-great-grandmother had been sold away from all that she had ever known. Two years later she was pregnant with the child of the dissatisfied thirty-five year old man who had bought her. She was traumatized so alienated from his children, who were taught to look down on her, that the only thing they chose to tell her descendants was that she was unpopular. To get to the truth Patricia Williams had to interpret those two stories together and to have empathy for someone's suffering. We have to do the same thing in order to understand the Bible.   Getting back to our question, Hugh makes a wise observation about the importance of social justice in the Old Testament. The deceased Berkeley sociologist Robert Bellah (1927-2013) wrote a book called Religion in Human Evolution: From the Paleolithic to the Axial Age. He asks about how religious belief makes large human societies possible. He notes that Israel first appears in Egyptian records in the year 1208 BCE, long before anything written in the Bible.   He points out two notable features about the social world that produced the Old Testament. First, that this it attempts to establish a society not on the role of one man as a divine king (like most Egyptian pharaohs) but rather on a covenant between God and the people. Moses is a prophet not a divine king.   The second thing he notices is that the prophets, for instance, Amos does not just condemn failures of religious ritual but the mistreatment of the weak and poor. Amos criticizes both foreigners and his own people. He writes, “Thus says the Lord: For three transgressions of Israel, and for four I will not revoke the punishment; because they sell the righteous for silver and the needy for a pair of shoes” (Amos 2). [3]   At this point I feel compelled to tell you more about the Old Testament. It will be a long time before Chat GPT can write an accurate sermon. I am totally astonished by how incorrect search engine results are when it comes to some of the most basic issues in religion. This includes how we determine when these books were written. There was no journalist taking notes in the Garden of Eden or the court of David. The books of the Bible were not written in the order in which the events they record happened, or in the order in which they are presented. One way to look at it is to see them growing up around the two ideas I just mentioned from the prophet Amos – that there is one God for all people and that God cares how the poor are treated. Scholars believe that the words of the prophet Amos were among the first in the entire Bible. So it is not as if the world was created, Noah built an ark, Abraham met God, God chose the Tribes of Israel, David's kingdom was established, many other kings reigned and then social justice became important. Social justice, this idea of God's universality and the dignity of every person, comes first. The other stories are ancient but put together by writers with this conviction in mind.   So the twentieth century rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel calls the prophets, “the most disturbing people who ever lived” and “the [ones] who brought the Bible into being.” They “ceaseless[ly] shatter our indifference.” They interpret our existence from the perspective of God. Heschel writes that the prophets have assimilated their emotional life to that of the Divine so that the prophet, “lives not only his personal life but also the life of God. The prophet hears God's voice and feels His heart.” [4]   The Old Testament was written mostly in Hebrew with three main types of literature the Torah (instruction or) the law, the Nevi'im or prophets, and the Ketuvim or the writings. The New Testament was written in Greek under Roman occupation and includes totally different genres: gospels, epistles or letters, and John's apocalyptic conclusion the Book of Revelation. As Jesus alludes to in the Book of Matthew, the New Testament is built on the foundation of the old – that there is one God for all the nations who cares about human dignity. It has a different feeling because it is composed at a different time, under different social circumstances for a different audience. But for me it is not less focused on social justice. Christians do not worship the Bible, but the person of Jesus. Jesus is how we understand our lives and our connection to God.   We see this in today's gospel. The story of the Transfiguration is not so much about a private mystical experience, but a meditation on Christ's passion. It exists to shape our response to Jesus' death on the cross. Imagine the Book of Matthew. We climb up one side through Jesus' teaching and healing until we finally hear Jesus describe how his death will be. The disciples cannot take it in. We go down the other side to Jerusalem where Jesus will be killed. And for a reassuring moment we linger at the mountaintop.   Let me briefly tell you three things about the Greek text. Matthew uses the emphatic word idou or “Behold! Look!” three times. First, before the appearance of Moses who represents the law, and Elijah who stands for the prophets. Then again when a shining cloud appears and yet again when God says, “This is my Son, the Beloved; with him I am well pleased” (Mt. 17). Jesus' friends feel so afraid they fall down like dead people. Jesus tells his friends to rise up and uses the same word he does when he says that the Son of Man will be raised from the dead. Jesus touches them in a reassuring way. The Greek word hapsamenos means to touch, hold or grasp. But it also can be translated as to light or ignite a flame.   What does it mean for social justice, to have at the heart of our religion a man who gives up his life and is executed? It is not just what Jesus says that matters. He gives his life to help make real this idea that God loves every human being, that each life has innate dignity. This includes the truth that death is not the end.   Although Christians often get lost in the belief that faith is about an isolated individual's personal salvation, there is a deep tradition of meditating on the way Jesus' death reverses the overwhelming evil all around us. I do not have time for more examples but I would like to mention Basil of Caesarea (330-379).   In the Gospel of Luke Jesus tells the story about a rich man who has so much property that he decides to build a bigger barn to hold it all so that he can “eat, drink and be merry” (Lk. 12). That night the foolish man dies. So the fourth century Basil wrote a sermon about this. He says that what we think we need constantly changes. We are metaphorically building smaller and bigger barns all the time. When we think we need too much we cannot be generous to others.   Basil says, “How can I bring the sufferings of the poverty-stricken to your attention? When they look around inside their hovels… [and] find clothes and furnishings so miserable… worth only a few cents. What then? They turn their gaze to their own children, thinking that perhaps by bringing them to the slave-market they might find some respite from death. Consider now the violent struggle that takes place between the desperation arising from famine and a parent's fundamental instincts. Starvation on the one side threatens horrible death, while nature resists, convincing the parents rather to die with their children. Time and again they vacillate, but in the end they succumb, driven by want and cruel necessity.” [5] The Christian tradition in every generation is filled with appeals like this. They beg us to recognize the full humanity of every person.   Let me tell you the second of Patricia Williams' two epiphanies. When she was a child there were very few women or Black people who were judges, law professors, law partners, attorney generals, etc. Virtually all law had been written by white men. Because of this there were blind spots, basic failures to understand society that had crucial legal ramifications. [6]   Professor Williams and other intellectuals invented Critical Race Theory to address this, to help the law work for all people, not just those in power. These debates were largely for people in universities until about ten years ago. In our conversation Professor Williams expressed her surprise when she heard a powerful political consultant talk about how he had made millions of Americans fear and hate this social justice project. He had successfully convinced them to regard Critical Race Theory as divisive and dangerous to white people. He explicitly stated that increasing their anger was a means of getting their votes. [7]   The great twentieth century Jewish expert in building healthy religious congregations Edwin Friedman frequently repeats this warning. “Expect sabotage.” [8] When we are working for good, to change how things are, we will be opposed. Those who care about social justice need to understand that there will be people who actively seek to thwart it.   Patricia Williams is a prophet for me, shattering my indifference. Many here this morning are prophets to me also. Behold. Be ignited. Shine forth. Let the realization of Jesus' love utterly transform us. [1] Hugh Morgan, 9 February 2023. “In reading Isaiah and the minor prophets, I am struck by how modern they sound, when calling out issues of social justice.  Of course, our thinking has been influenced by the enlightenment and all that came after it, so my brain may be predisposed to see these threads in the text.  But they are there. You do not see the same strength of views on social justice in the New Testament, certainly little about upsetting the then current order.  And I do not think you see similar messages supporting the oppressed in Greek or Roman writings (I have a super limited sense of what these are.) And, you do not see "social justice thought" - a very modern thing - called out, developed, emphasized from the OT texts in the early church, nor through the reformation, not even in the revivals in America and England in the late 1800s. Two questions to ponder 1. Where did the social justice message in the OT come from? 2.  Are there strains of this message in church history that I / we are not aware of?” [2] Patricia J. Williams on the Grace Cathedral Forum, 1 February 2023. https://youtu.be/8h-xHY7OIuY . Also see Patricia J. Williams, The Alchemy of Race and Rights: Diary of a Law Professor (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1991) 17-19. [3] Robert Bellay, Religion in Human Evolution: From the Paleolithic to the Axial Age (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2011). Quoting Michael Walzer and David Malo on a covenant between the people and God (310f). Amos' ethical statements (302). [4] Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Prophets: An Introduction, Volume One (NY: Harper, 1962) ix-26. [5] “How can I bring the sufferings of the poverty-stricken to your attention? When they look around inside their hovels… [and] find clothes and furnishings so miserable… worth only a few cents. What then? They turn their gaze to their own children, thinking that perhaps by bringing them to the slave-market they might find some respite from death. Consider now the violent struggle that takes place between the desperation arising from famine and a parent's fundamental instincts. Starvation on the one side threatens horrible death, while nature resists, convincing the parents rather to die with their children. Time and again they vacillate, but in the end they succumb, driven by want and cruel necessity.” Basil of Caesarea, “I Will Tear Down My Barns.” Tr. Paul Shroeder. Cited in Logismoi. http://logismoitouaaron.blogspot.com/2010/03/on-social-justice-by-st-basil-great.html [6] Professor Patricia J. Williams and I talked about “stand your ground” laws that result in much higher rates of death among Black men, because white people are more likely to be afraid of them. [7] In an online interaction I heard from someone who is monomaniacally focused on the idea that Critical Race Theory must necessarily involve government forced discrimination against white people. He did not have the time to see the Patricia Williams interview. He had already made up his mind. [8] “Sabotage is part and parcel of the systemic process of leadership.” Edwin Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (NY: Church Publishing, 2017 revised).

In this Magic in the Room episode, Luke reflects on Edwin Friedman's concept of a differentiated leader. A differentiated leader has done the work of self-definition and self-regulation. This leader knows who they are and their purpose so well that they are not swayed by the reactivity, herding, blaming, and short-term thinking of the anxious system around them. Instead, they have a strong vision and invite people to join them.  Research in this episode:    Find Luke's Twitter thread here.    A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman  A Leadership Paradox: Influencing Others by Defining Yourself by Greg Robinson  Spiral Dynamics by Don Edward Beck and Christopher Cowan  The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business by Patrick M. Lencioni  The Fifth Discipline: The Art & Practice of The Learning Organization by Peter M. Senge    Music by evangrimmusic.com  Support from techblogwriter.co.uk 

Understanding the nuances of emotional process will make you a better leader. These four tips will help. Show Notes: The Center for Family Process The Center for Pastoral Effectiveness in the Rockies The Family Systems Institute The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family Tending the Fire Lombard Mennonite Peace Center --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

In this episode of SoundNotes, Len Greski joins Dave to discuss leadership and emotional systems. Len is a Principal Consultant at LeadingAgile and he has a background in sociology. As Len explains, “The most difficult challenge in delivering great products is getting people to work together." During the interview, we explore emotional systems theory and how that can be applied within our organizations and teams to create sustainable change and deliver great products. The Bowen Family Systems Theory was developed by Dr. Murray Bowen. It is rooted in taking a systems view in studying families and the relationship patterns that develop between family members. Bowen's theory and the eight concepts that came out of it can also be applied to the workplace and the emotional systems we create and participate in day to day. The better you are able to understand these systems, the more able you will be to foster systems that lead to a positive outcome for your team, your organization, and your customer. Links from the Podcast Bowen Family Systems Theory: https://www.thebowencenter.org Johari Window: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johari_window A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman  https://amzn.to/3Cxc6dD Contacting Len Greski If you'd like to contact Len, you can reach him at: LeadingAgile: https://www.leadingagile.com/guides/len-greski/ LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/leonardgreski Twitter: https://twitter.com/lgreski GitHub: https://github.com/lgreski Email: Leonard.greski@leadingagile.com Contacting Dave Prior If you'd like to contact Dave, you can reach him at: LeadingAgile: https://www.leadingagile.com/guides/dave-prior/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mrsungo Twitter: https://twitter.com/mrsungo Email: dave.prior@leadingagile.com If you have a question you'd like to submit for an upcoming podcast, please send them to Dave.

What do we do when things fall apart? The way we answer this question shows us the truth of who we are. We all look great when things are comfortable. It's in the times of challenge, when the building is burning down around us, when all that we've held onto dissolves in our arms, that our true allegiance, our true character, our true identity get revealed. We are busy people living in a busy world, and it causes us to seek life in the rapid and immediate. Yet our culture seems more anxious, lonely, and depressed than we ever have - our insta-culture is failing to provide us the lasting life we're looking for. Listen as Pastor Clint explores the life of Jeremiah, which served as a salve to the futile, shallow pursuits of his own world and led Jeremiah to a robust, holistic, meaningful life. As it turns out, true life doesn't come through the rapid and immediate: it comes through a long obedience in the same direction. Sermon Resources: 1. Study on smartphones: https://www.businessinsider.com/dscout-research-people-touch-cell-phones-2617-times-a-day-2016-7 2. “Horror Vacui” - Baruch Spinoza 3. "passion for the immediate and the casual..." Gore Vidal, "Matters of Fact and Fiction: Essays" 4. “The anxiety is so deep within the emotional processes of our nation that it is almost as though neurosis has become nationalized.” -Edwin Friedman, "A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix" 5. Camino de Santiago: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camino_de_Santiago 6. “The essential thing in heaven and in earth is that there should be a long obedience in the same direction that thereby results, in the long run, in something which makes life worth living—virtue, art, music, dancing, reason, spirituality—anything whatsoever that is transfiguring, refined, foolish, or divine.” -Frederick Nietzsche, "Beyond Good and Evil" Join or follow us below: Facebook: www.facebook.com/midtownpreschurch Instagram: www.instagram.com/midtown.pres/ Website: www.midtownpres.org/ Community Groups: www.midtownpres.org/community-groups Sunday Services: www.midtownpres.org/

Sometimes, we want SO HARD to make people be other than what they are that we lose sense of who we are in the meantime.

In a two-part discussion, Autumn and Hunter consider a book by Pastor and Author Mark Sayers entitled “A Non-Anxious Presence: How a Changing and Complex World Will Create a Remnant of Renewed Christian Leaders.” Sayers observes that the moral, geopolitical, and cultural norms of the past many years are being challenged and will eventually give way to a new order. We are moving into an undetermined era which Sayers calls a “gray zone,“ filled with upheaval and tension. In a modern gray zone, super-charged by our complex, networked reality, tension manifests as collective anxiety. However, a more compelling, brighter reality comes into focus in Sayer's writing. God repeatedly uses these moments in history to bring about renewal through leaders who maintain a non-anxious presence, deeply connected to God regardless of the cultural and political melee. Resources mentioned in this episode: "A Non-Anxious Presence: How a Changing and Complex World will Create a Remnant of Renewed Christian Leaders" by Mark Sayers (https://www.amazon.com/dp/0802428576/) "A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix" by Edwin Friedman (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1596272791/)

In his book, Jacob the Baker: Gentle Wisdom For a Complicated World, Jewish poet-philosopher, scholar and theologian, Noah BenShea, writes, “Either the key to a man's wallet is in his heart, or the key to a man's heart is in his wallet.  So, unless you express your charity, you are locked inside your greed.”  Did you hear that?  Unless you express your charity, unless you live generously by giving of what you have to others, you are locked inside, you are imprisoned in your greed!  Wow!!  I think Jesus would have liked what BenShea has to say because Jesus also has something to say about greed.  Today, we hear Jesus tell us, “Take care!  Be on your guard against all kinds of greed.”  Today, Jesus takes us to a place where most of us do not want to go as he draws us into a conversation about money.  Quite frankly, talking about money makes us uncomfortable as individuals, uncomfortable within the context of our faith communities, and causes great anxiety.  Many of us learn from a very early age that conversations about money are taboo.  Avoiding such a conversation is one of those unspoken rules in our culture.  We find it very uncomfortable to talk about the amount of money we make, the amount of money we tightly hold on to, the amount of money we hold in investments, the amount of money we have as disposable income, the amount of money we pay in taxes, and the amount of money we give away.  Well, today, Jesus breaks this unspoken rule and takes us into territory of the taboo as he talks about money.  Today, Jesus exposes human greed and anxiety about money, and he uses his famous teaching tool, a parable, to burn away any illusion we may have that a godly life is synonymous with our American ideals of prosperity and success.   Quite frankly, Jesus talked more about our relationship with money and our possessions more than almost any other topic, and today is one example.  The writer of Luke's gospel tells us Jesus is with a crowd of people and he is teaching.  He is approached by a man who asks him to arbitrate an inheritance dispute he is having with his brother.  A family feud is set before him, and Jesus opts out of getting involved in the squabble.  Instead, he uses the opportunity to talk about money and a right relationship with money.  Jesus tells a story that has become known as the Parable of the Rich Fool.  Now, it is important to recognize that the man in this parable is not portrayed as particularly wicked.  He is not defined as one whose wealth was gained by illegal means.  He is not one of those despised tax collectors and he has not stolen anything.  From the little we do know about him, we can surmise that he became wealthy by the sweat of his brow, by very honest means.  He is a farmer, and his land has produced immense harvests.  Truthfully, his decision to save for the future by building bigger barns does not seem all that unreasonable.  He simply needs space for his abundant harvest.  So, I must ask, what is wrong with saving for a rainy day? Well, the truth is there is nothing wrong with saving for a rainy day.  This rich fool's foolishness is not necessarily about his plan to build a bigger barn.  His foolishness has everything to do with his heart!  His foolishness is all about the relationship he has with his money and possessions.  Did you happen to notice the dialogue this man is having with himself?  If we take a deeper look at the inner conversation going on within this man, it becomes rather enlightening.  He says, “What should I do, for I have no place to store my crops?  I will do this.  I will pull down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods.  And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.'”  Did you notice the hubris, the focus on self, the attention and emphasis on the me, the importance of the “I”?  As Episcopalian priest Anjel Scarborough points out, “In this short internal dialog, consisting of approximately 60 words, the man uses 11 references to himself with the personal pronouns ‘I' and ‘my'.  If we add to this the words that reference ‘soul' and ‘you' as part of that inner dialog about himself, then we have 22 percent of the words in this short passage talking about, well, ‘me.'”  Yes, it is all about him.  Everything revolves around him!  You see, this rich fool's foolishness has everything to do with his heart.  Here we get a glimpse of this man's spiritual illness.  As my colleague says, “This man is all about the unholy trinity of me, myself, and I.  There are no references at all to others – not to family, friends, or those in need, and certainly no references to God.  He is under the mistaken belief that all this wealth is his:  it is his possession, it is in his control, and he lives with the delusion that he alone produced this wealth.”  This man has much money, but the key to his heart is in his wallet and his heart is spiritually, morally, and ethically bankrupt! Well, that is not the end of the story.  His narcissistic perspective is not his only delusion.  The other delusion that truly distorts this man's relationship with his wealth is brought to light when God addresses him.  God says, “You fool!  This very night your life is being demanded of you.  And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?”  Oh my!  Here we get to something that is so important, something that none of us want to face.  Here we get to the heart of what is really true about life, and that is the stark reality of death.  It is here where the truth is revealed.  You see, when we face this ultimate reality, we soon discover that no amount of wealth or possessions can save us from our own finitude.  This man will die.  We will die.  And, you know what?  Death is the great equalizer because, when we die, our net worth in dollars is really zero!  And nothing, no matter how hard we try, can prevent our death.  With death we discover all that we have, all that we own, all our striving to make it to the top – all of these are temporal and none of these things are of ultimate worth.  None of these things will save us.  Theologian, David Schlafer, when talking about today's gospel reading and our relationship as a community of faith with money, shares these words of wisdom:  Money serves as a kind of thermostat for issues of anxiety and control within our congregations.  As the work of Edwin Friedman and Peter Steinke on family systems illustrates, money matters often reveal the true heart of a church organization, as well as of our individual households.  Money is always about more than money.  Our spending, our saving, and our general attitude toward material wealth are all invested with emotions and memories.  A capacity to trust in God can deepen only as other matters lessen their grip in our lives.  Today's Gospel text sets that reality before us in the starkest terms.  (Feasting on the Word, p. 312) Our money and possessions are not going to save us.  Yet, while we know this in our heads, our hearts have a difficult time believing this.  Our anxiety over money issues controls us and determines our actions and the way we live as stewards of all that we have been given.  We are anxious about our jobs, about our retirement and the way a bi-polar stock market effects our 401(k)'s, about putting our kids through school, about paying all our bills, about inflation, and so much more.  As we look at our anxieties regarding money, do you see how they are all focused on the self?  This internal focus on self becomes one in which the key to our hearts is in our wallets and we become imprisoned in our anxieties and our greed.  As Christians, we are called to shift our attention and emphasis away from the small, vain, egocentric self and focus outward by living into a radical trust in God.  When that happens, we view wealth very differently.  In fact, we begin to see that our money and possessions are not really ours at all.  They all belong to God.  All that we have and all that we are comes from God and really is only on loan.  God invites us into a life that is greater than our anxious fear over things that have no ultimate worth.  God invites us into a deeper relationship with God's very self and with each other.  God invites us into the eternal economy of God's grace, mercy, and love – the immeasurable love we see exhibited in the self-emptying life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  In Jesus, we see the very heart of God, and that is where we find the ultimate and lasting treasure – the key that unlocks our hearts so we can live for others, the key that enables us to live lives that are rich toward God.

In communities, including families and congregations, we sometimes encounter people who seek to disrupt and even abuse other community members. How do we engage with them? Do we name the behavior, or walk on eggshells?

Why is modern disagreement loaded with anxiety and emotion? The answer might surprise you. Dr. Alastair Roberts looks at how Christians can remain both confident and calm in disagreement while seeking solutions and understanding. We also dive into the concept of self-differentiation, gridlock, and the difference between reactivity and response.  Book References "Self and Leadership" by Alastair Roberts: https://alastairadversaria.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/self-and-leadership.pdf "A Failure of Nerve" by Edwin Friedman: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1596272791/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_ATMMKE23KKW86WAD2MN5 For more resources from Alastair visit: https://alastairadversaria.com Check out Alastair's daily Bible reflections: https://adversariapodcast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @thatllpreachpodcast

Every system has interlocking triangles. This episode uses a case study from Edwin Friedman's Generation to Generation to explain how they work and how to unlock them. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

In Part 2 of this series, Ken Shuman and a group of Faithwalkers continue the conversation about what it looks like to live in a regressive society. When a society is regressive, anxiety is really high, and people's level of emotional maturity and ability to manage anxiety decreases, resulting in worse and worse behavior. In this episode the group considers and discusses the remaining three ways that people behave when society is in regression (Edwin Friedman). This conversation was recorded on March 4, 2022.

In this episode, Ken Shuman shares an update on good things happening in Faithwalking and then he and a group of Faithwalkers talk about what it looks like to live in a regressive society. When a society is regressive, anxiety is really high, and people's level of emotional maturity and ability to manage anxiety decreases, resulting in worse and worse behavior. In this episode the group discusses the first two of five ways that Edwin Friedman noted people behave when society is in regression. This conversation was recorded on February 18, 2022.

In Episode 29 of Season 2, Drew and Mick begin a discussion generally assessing power dynamics and common misuses of power in relational and organizational settings. Connect with us at ideologypc@gmail.com // Like what you found here? Feel free to share, subscribe, rate, and/or comment. Episode notes: - The work of Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey on "deliberately developmental organizations" in An Everyone Culture - Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman

“In any type of institution whatsoever, when a self-directed, imaginative, energetic, or creative member is being consistently frustrated and sabotaged rather than encouraged and supported, what will turn out to be true one hundred percent of the time, regardless of whether the disrupters are supervisors, subordinates, or peers, is that the person at the very top of that institution is a peace-monger.”--Edwin Friedman, A Failure of NerveClick HERE to download my free online course, "Leading Your Church Through Change." Or go to markuswatson.com/leadchange.

Edwin Friedman described 11 tensions in leadership. This episode explains them so you can use them as a guide to leading through self-differentiation. Show Notes: Leadership through Self-Differentiation, a home video of an Edwin Friedman divinity school lecture. Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

We are back! Talking about all kinds of things, including New Years and cleaning, Edwin Friedman's theory of differentiation and a Lightning Round of Random! (Obviously the LRoR is way in our wheelhouse.) Also, we narrowly missed becoming a baseball podcast. You are welcome. P.S. Here's Edgar Martinez and his light bat - quite entertaining. P.P.S. Here's "Four Days in October" for any interested parties! P.P.P.S. Whatever Mo said about The Natural had all the wrong details. SHOCKER. Spoiler alert! Here's a clip of the final home run.

Spoiler Alert : The moral of the fable is "The unmotivated are notoriously invulnerable to insight."How should leaders lead when they are the only one's who are motivated? Can we see overfunctioning and underfunctioning in this fable? Love us? Or even just a like us? Find more [of Leadership] at...Our website ofleadership.comOn FacebookOn TwitterVia email at ofleadership@gmail.comAnd don't forget to subscribe to our podcast and leave a review!Our friends...Like the tunes? Check out JetlerCheck out Where Would You Like To Start by by Dr. David Freeman and Avrum Nadigel

In this episode Jenny talks to former employer and self-made serial entrepreneur Brad Woodgate about his achievements, his lessons, his setbacks and his accomplishments in the dietary supplement space. Brad shares his story of how it all started, and recounts the amount of doors that closed in his face before he finally found success. We hear how an idea to suit his own path to living a healthier lifestyle turned into an innovative and inspiring business concept that has helped thousands of people live and eat cleaner. Jenny and Brad agree that entrepreneurial success is really fueled by the people you surround yourself with, and that it's ok to lean on the right people for business, familial, and mental support. We get the full scoop on the No Sugar Company, and what it took to get to where he is today. If you are interested in a Body Transformation, please use this link and fill out the Questionnaire If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating  and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser and Castbox. STRONG Fitness Magazine Subscription Use discount code STRONGGIRLResourcesSTRONG Fitness MagazineSTRONG Fitness Magazine on IGTeam Strong GirlsCoach JVBFollow Jenny on social mediaInstagramFacebookYouTube  

In Episode 55, Aaron Blue, CEO of The Charis Project in Thailand, talks with Phil about how he ended up working with people on the Thailand/Burma border, how soccer is an integral part of his ministry, why soccer is such a powerful cross-cultural tool, and how his soccer coaches in his early years impacted him for reasons you wouldn't expect. Specifically, Aaron discusses: His story, how he developed his passion for leadership and ministry (1:53) How The Charis Project is using soccer to transform lives of the youth and others on the Thailand/Burma border (9:42) Why soccer is such a powerful tool for cross-cultural leadership development and ministry (27:06) The raw and vulnerable lesson he learned from his coaches in his early playing days, which have inspired him four decades later (32:45) His #1 Leadership book recommendation of all time (46:41) Resources and Links from this Episode The Charis Project website Uncut Video of the Episode HSEL Facebook Group A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, by Edwin Friedman  

Welcome to Episode #93 of the Red Ink Revival Leadership Podcast. In today's episode Patrick is continuing with one of the most important factors for successful leaders, differentiation. Self-differentiation is a human flourishing code cracker. If you have wondered why you can't seem to get the ‘wins' you work so hard for, even after training with conferences, consultants, books, podcasts, and mentors, this episode is for you!   This episode takes us into the following:   * We review Dr. Murray Bowen's Family Systems Theory applied to restoring families. * We share how Edwin Friedman's famous book, A Failure of Nerve, takes Family Systems Theory and applies it to organizations, leaders, and organizational flourishing. * We show the Biblical foundations of identity and self-differentiation. * We begin looking at 5 components to mature in self-differentiation: A-R-T-S-Y. * We see how our identity is matured by awareness, responsibility, and transparent truth. * We learn how our identity was originally formed through interpersonal neurobiological interactions with our family of origin. * We look at how to grow in self-awareness. * We discuss the 3 R's of practicing awareness: 1) Recalling grievance memories, 2) Reflecting on event feelings, and 3) Recognizing associated narratives and meanings. * We present the “Feelings Wheel” as a tool to discover various feeling states. * We walk through how an event turns into an emotional experience, then a looping narrative script, then an emotional meaning around our self. * We see how disputing false interpretations gives new meaning and relieves anxiety.   ▷   Visit our Red Ink Revival website: https://redinkrevival.com   https://www.redinkrevival.com/blog/categories/podcast   ▷   Connect with Patrick on social media: FB: https://www.facebook.com/redinkrevival FB: https://www.facebook.com/patricknorris IG: https://www.instagram.com/redinkrevival/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/norris.patrick/ LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patrick-norris-4b733412/   ▷   Subscribe to the podcast, then rate, review, and share it! YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAFa7APH8IY1o-bO9eGPUVQ APPLE PODCAST:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/red-ink-revival-leadership-podcast/id1483717555 SPOTIFY:  https://open.spotify.com/show/5PYiyjQhfrTKTLxnHyEj7E AUDIBLE:  https://www.audible.com/pd/Red-Ink-Revival-Leadership-Podcast-Podcast/B08JJPN2W6 PANDORA:  https://www.pandora.com/podcast/red-ink-revival-leadership-podcast/PC:24055 LIBSYN: https://redinkrevival.libsyn.com/   If you have questions you would like addressed in a future episode, topics you would enjoy hearing, or just want to give us feedback, we would love to hear from you. Email us at redinkrevival@gmail.com.   Edited and produced by Evan (Emac) McAlister.

Edwin Friedman described five characteristics of systems that promote burnout among their leaders. Understanding this can help you avoid the same fate. Part 1 goes through the characteristics. Part 2 helps leaders respond appropriately. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Edwin Friedman described five characteristics of systems that promote burnout among their leaders. Understanding this can help you avoid the same fate. Part 1 goes through the characteristics. Part 2 helps leaders respond appropriately. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue Join the FREE Family Systems Book Study Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

- Max Yoder That divine middle is emotional liberation, where I can be compassionate and show compassion to an individual. But I do not need to carry whatever it is that they are feeling, right, not my responsibility to. And the thing about the thing that I think this is so important for me in my life is I think this was my biggest blocker, my biggest blocker to grow like something that I may have gone through my whole life and never addressed if it were not for something like Lessonly.   INTRO   When companies and individuals think about skilling-up in empathy and compassion, there are common questions that arise.  How can I take on the feelings of others without being crushed by them?  What do good boundaries look like?  How am I ever going to keep my people accountable to their actual work if I start being all touchy-feely with the.    My guest today touches on all of these questions and more.  There are many reasons why you should take the time to listen to Max Yoder:  he is erudite, well-read (see all of the books and authors he noted in the show notes), and he really cares about people.    He is also the co-founder of the continually growing learning platform, Lessonly.  Just last week, Lessonly made headlines in the tech world when they were acquired by Seismic.  And the last few years has been a series of success stories for the company.    Max is much more than an executive and a thinker, he is also a crafter of Lego art.    - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Is there anything that you found yourself giving time to in the pandemic, whether that's like a new pursuit or a hobby that you have particularly enjoyed?   - Max Yoder Yeah. I've given myself a lot more time to make art, and I tend to make art with Legos. I really appreciate this man named Joseph Albers, who was a teacher at Black Mountain College, right. During World War two, post World War II. And he created this series of things called Homage to a Square. And he really like color theory. So he would put basically squares inside one another. And he did about two0 of these over a series of 20 years, I think from his 60s to his 80s, if I recall correctly, so hugely inspired by somebody doing 2001 thing from their 60 to their 80s.   - Max Yoder And these squares, like I said, they're color theory. So he was trying different colors, and he said when I put a blue in the middle and I surround it with a red, that blue takes on a different cue, then it visually looks different than if I surround it with a lighter blue. Like what we put around to color changes the way we perceived that color.   - Max Yoder So during COVID, I started doing all of these squares, and they were these really great free flow activity where I could get a 16 by 16 Lego square.   - Max Yoder And I would create my own version of Joseph Albers Homage to a Square, all these different colors, and I have them all around my attic now. And it was just one of those things that I could do without thinking I sift through the Legos, I'd find the right color. I'd build these squares. It was not taxing, but it was rewarding.   - Max Yoder And so I think in general, what I learned to do during COVID was play and not have a goal. And in one way of doing that with art and just really, truly understand what playing is, because I think I spent a lot of my adult life and I think a lot of my adolescent life achieving instead of playing, and I think you can do both at the same time.   - Max Yoder But I don't think I was doing both. I think mostly achieving I love that.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Well, especially with the relentless pace of work in general, but especially accelerated as a result of the pandemic to actually have spaces of purposeful rest, whether that's like actual physical rest of sleeping or encompassing it with the mental release of play is something that I hear again and again as I work with different individuals, even as being really life giving. Yeah. I love that   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes You also have welcomed, I think, a new little person into your home in the midst of the pandemic you find that that has having a child in the home has unleashed some different capacities in you as well?   - Max Yoder Oh, yeah. So my daughter Marnie, she's eleven months old yesterday and eleven months.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Happy eleven months, Marnie.   - Max Yoder Yeah, pretty special. Full name is Marina. When she was born, we didn't know she was gonna be a boy or a girl. She came out of my wife, and we had three names for girls, picked out three names for boys. Marina was the one that was clearly the winner. And then basically, as soon after that, we just started calling her money. So she came home and just changed our lives there's. Covid before Marnie and this COVID after Marnie and COVID after Marnie is excellent. You know, I think COVID before Marnie was really tough for a whole host of reasons, but when Marnie came, she brought this new life to our house, like literal new life.   - Max Yoder Right. And then just this vitality to just and I of seeing the world differently and being a dad and watching my wife be a mom. And now being a husband to a mother, like all these things are life changing. And I'm 33 years old this year, and I just sent myself shifting from this achievement mentality to more kind of focusing on now, what do I care about? Why do I care about it? And am I doing the things that I care about? And my family is something that I care about?   - Max Yoder Music is something that I care about reading or things that I care about. And the difference between that and achievement and Carl, you the psychiatrist, help me figure this all out is I'm not doing them to impress anybody or to get anybody's. Applause I'm doing them because I care about them. And if somebody doesn't care about them, that's okay by me. And somebody does care about them. That's okay by me. But I'm not doing it for anybody else. Right?   - Max Yoder And being with my daughter is just something that is really important to me because she just wants me to be there with her.   - Max Yoder She doesn't even need me to do anything. She just needs me to be watching her spending time with her. And it's just been really cool to over eleven months. Jess, who's a very calm woman, nurture Marni and love on Many. I think I call myself in a big way in front of Many. Many got her grandpa and her grandma, and then we have a woman named Gabs, who is a friend of ours and the caretaker of Mary three days a week. And all these people just are very calm personalities.   - Max Yoder And Marni has just been wrapped around with so much love and kind of calmness. And what I imagine is going to come from that is what has come from that, which she's very adventurous, like, she's not scared. She's vibrant, and I just feel really lucky because it's not that parents don't want to give that to their kids, right? I think it's just sometimes we just don't have the resources, don't have the time, we're overstressed, and we're in a fortunate position where that's not the case. And it is highly rewarding to see my daughter be that's exploring, creative, laughing kid.   - Max Yoder And I want that for everybody because it's a real gift. I.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Love that enjoyment of just her presence and watching her flourishing.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes And something that you said kind of, like, particularly caught my attention, that I'm not thinking primarily of what I'm doing for her. I'm just being with her. I'm paying attention and the power of presence, which is its own segue into some of what we want to talk about today, which is empathy and connection in the workplace, because although it's not like a paternal relationship with those that you work with, I think there's this deeply human need to be seen and acknowledge, and I'd like to kick it off.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes I know you're a leader that values cultivating this in your workplace. What is a personal story for you about why empathy and human connection really matter specifically in the workplace?   - Max Yoder Yeah. I think empathy allows me to feel as somebody, so it allows me to kind of sit in their shoes and do my best approximation of what's stressing them or what's bringing them joy, like, empathizing with their situation. And I think that's incredibly important to a certain degree. I think the place where I get the most juice is being compassionate. And I think I've learned to recognize feeling sympathy for somebody, understanding that they are going through pain, but not carrying that pain as my owner running those same circuits myself.   - Max Yoder This is something that Robert Sapolsky to a gentleman from Stanford has helped me understand. If I sit there and run the circuits all day long that somebody else is running and I get stressed with them, I wear myself out, but I can be compassionate and sympathetic to an individual. Like, if they're hurting, I can acknowledge that they're hurting, but I don't need to run the same circuits.   - Max Yoder So I think it's really important to be empathetic because it gives me a chance to kind of sit in something and understand. Oh, yeah, that does not feel good. But I can't run that circuit too much because I'll wear myself out. But I can run the compassion circuit a lot longer where I can see if somebody's in pain, even if they're yelling at me or they're frustrated with something that, you know, life is tough there in a difficult situation that you might describe as suffering. I might describe a suffering.   - Max Yoder And to be a calm presence in the face of that is a gift in and of itself. I might not have to do anything more than that. Then just be calm in front of them, not diminish or dilute. What they're saying also enhance what they're saying. Just be there as a calm presence that listen. And who does that take me? Has that taken me a long time to learn?   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Can you give me an example? What has that looked like for you and your leadership over the last year and a half?   - Max Yoder Yeah. I think we can. I go back longer than that because I think the Lessonly journey is nine years long to date, July 12 today. And I noticed that as we hired more and more people, we hit 17 people, and then we hit 25 people and then hit 50 people, that there was always more feelings coming into the business. Right. A woman named Jill Bolte Taylor, a friend and somebody who I love says we are feeling creatures who think, not thinking, creatures who feel feeling, creatures who think.   - Max Yoder So we are a lot of feelings, right. We are very emotional. And for most of my life, I believe that was responsible for people's feelings. And I believed that I was responsible also for their judgments, which kind of two sides of the same coin. I just feeling responsible for two things that are not my responsibility. Right. Feelings and judgments of other folks. So I would try to carry those feelings as my own, and I would kind of assume those judgments as fact and they crushed me.   - Max Yoder So I'm going to focus on the feelings part today, as opposed to the judgments or for this moment, on the feelings part.   - Max Yoder There was a lot of feelings in the business, and every time we hired a new person, just more and more feelings, and we got to 50 people, and I couldn't take it anymore. I was probably a long pass being able to take it anymore. I was stressed, self medicating, trying to keep up with all the feelings. And it wasn't working because the frantic folks around me, if they were feeling frantic, I was becoming frantic myself, and that's just not what people need.   - Max Yoder So I was fortunate enough. One of my teammates, who her name was Casey Combo. At the time, she's since married, she gave me a book called Non Violent Communication, not because she knew I was struggling with this, but because she knew I was looking for different methods for clear communication that was not aggressive, that was not argumentative, but was clear and compassionate. And in this book, Marshall Rosenberg writes about emotional slavery, which was exactly what I was. I was an emotional slave. I believe other people's feelings my responsibility.   - Max Yoder And then he writes about emotional liberation. And he talks about these stages, the first stage, being emotional slavery of I assume your feelings as my own and my responsibility, and I carry them, and I get tired and you get tired. He says that a lot of times when people do that for so long, they might move into the next stage, which is basically disavowing other people's feelings. And right, about 50 people. That's really the only thing I knew how to do at that point. I was like, I can't carry all these feelings, so I'm just going to say no to all of them.   - Max Yoder We hired Megan Jarvis at that point or head of the yeah, wonderful. Right. And I was like, hey, Megan, I'm so glad you're here. I need you to take the ceilings, like, I just need to go high. But, like, that was so not fun for me, because being with people is why I like my job, you know? So hiding from the feelings, man, I wasn't going to like my job, so it was just not going to work. So depending on my energy levels, I'd either carry people's feelings or I would hide.   - Max Yoder And Marshall Rosenberg showed me that there's a third way. So those are two extremes right side of turning feelings all the way down to I don't care at all. So turning it down to 0% or turning it all the way up to a 100% care about everybody's feelings. And he makes it clear that there's this divine middle and that divine middle is emotional liberation, where I can be compassionate and show compassion to an individual. But I do not need to carry whatever it is that they are feeling, right, not my responsibility to.   - Max Yoder And the thing about the thing that I think this is so important for me in my life is I think this was my biggest blocker, my biggest blocker to grow like something that I may have gone through my whole life and never addressed if it were not for something like Lessonly. Lessonly is this thing that's bigger than me, and it needed me. It was either going to crush me if I didn't figure this out, or I need to figure this out to keep my job. I wasn't going to be able to do my job if I didn't figure this out.   - Max Yoder And so this bigger thing than me forced me to figure this out. And Marshall Rosenberg game is a blueprint of emotional liberation, and that's what I began to practice. And I don't know if I'm never going to be the same because of that.   - Max Yoder In a really, really healthy way. I don't feel responsible for other people's feelings anymore. I feel responsible for my feelings and kind of making sure that I take care of myself. I are responsible for my intent behind my behavior. I'm responsible for my behavior.   - Max Yoder I consider myself responsible for those things. Doesn't mean I consider you responsible for yours. I just telling you, I consider my response for those things. And so that's what I focus on.   - Max Yoder And the reason I bring that up is in the journey of lesson. Like, there's been nothing more important to me than this.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes I'm struck in finding that third way that you needed to develop a skill set of perhaps encountering the emotion. And I don't know if discharging is the right word, but even, like, energetically being able to release your feelings of responsibility, what what did that look like?   - Max Yoder Thanks for asking that. I mean, very clumsy at first. Right. Like, understanding something intellectually does not mean that I can do it. Well, I have to practice it again and again and again, which is a whole other topic we should discuss of. Just like, intellectual understanding is not knowing. Knowing is doing. You cannot know something without having done it is otherwise it's intellectual understanding. So I had to practice a heck of a lot and remind myself that when somebody came to me and brought something, it was always coming through the lens of their own experiences.   - Max Yoder And it was never simply about the thing that had happened. They were also bringing to me whatever else was going on in our life, because we can't separate that. We can't separate, like if we're having an emotionally charged home life and something happens at work, and it is like the straw that breaks the camel's back. What I hear from that person is just the work thing, right? What I don't see is all the stuff underneath the water that is happening. That is not my business, but it's always there, right?   - Max Yoder And when I would make a decision network Edwin Friedman, who wrote this book called The Failure of Nerve, he really helped me with this. He helped me understand that I'm always in a relational triangle with each person. And this was a big breakthrough for me. This is like something that intellectually, really helped me break through in terms of my practice, which was when somebody comes to me, there's always a third thing in the room, and that is a prior issue that they might be bringing, or I might be bringing or another person that they might be bringing to the conversation where I might be bringing.   - Max Yoder So to make it clear, like, Liesel, you and I are engaging right now, and we need shortcuts to kind of understand how to behave with one another. So we might filter through other people that we know that remind us of one another. And so when I meet people like Liesel, which this is just a brain by a shortcut, these things you'll come to mind. And in your case, I get a lot of warmth from you. But let's say I reminded you of somebody who really rub you the wrong way in the past.   - Max Yoder You might engage with me through the lens of that person. It's not just about me and you directly. It's a third thing that everything goes through and that's happening all the time everywhere. We're not directly relating to one another, relating through our past experiences and the people that we've known in the past. That helped me a lot, because when somebody would come to me and be really fired up about something that I thought was disproportionate to what it just happened, it helped me understand why that might be.   - Max Yoder There might have been a past issue, that this was emotional wound that was being poked at. It was not my responsibility, right? But I can sit there and be attached into the person. And maybe they don't understand that here, bringing that to the table. But I can have a sense like, this is not just about me and this person and this thing that's happening, they're filtering through their life. Right? And so when I realized that through Edwin Freeman, I realized it almost gave me permission to not carry things, because people are always bringing more to me than was between me and them.   - Max Yoder And I'm always bringing more to people that is between me and them. So I don't want them to carry my stuff. And I don't want to carry theirs. Does that help, or does that make sense?   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Yeah. That understanding. Did you find yourself needing? Some people engage in breathing exercises or they find themselves even to physically move as you are growing in this practice, there were things that you were like reading that were helping contextualize it. Were there other things that you like, embodied practices that were really helping.   - Max Yoder Oh, yeah. Getting sleep sober, sleep hugely helpful. Like, I can show up and be calm in a conversation in a much richer way if I do not drink booze before bed. And I don't mean, like, I mean any amount of booze. And this is a rule that I break a lot for myself, which is like even a glass of wine at 05:00 p.m. Or 06:00 p.m.. It affects my sleep. So if I really want to be the best version of me, I say no, and I sleep better.   - Max Yoder And it's just a fact of the matter. I am much less agitated. I am much calmer. So doing my pre work of getting exercise, eating well, sleeping well. And all those things are intertwined, what I eat and how I exercise to fix my sleep. So that matters to me a lot of just kind of taking care of myself and controlling the variables I can control. And then in that moment, if somebody's losing, they're cool in front of me or I'm losing my cool in front of them.   - Max Yoder And my therapist, Terry Daniel, says it can help basically coach me. It can help to put your hand on your stomach, like, on your skin. And it can be a safer thing to do when we're not physically in the room together. Like, let's say I'm having a different conversation over the phone, like, happening a lot over COVID. And just that skin to skin connection with myself can be very helpful. Breathing. Breathing deeply when I'm with somebody can be very helpful. Breathing and showing them slow my breath down can even be coming to them.   - Max Yoder So, yeah, there's physical things that I can do in that moment. And I hope it's very clear that I'm not suggesting that I nail this every time. Right. These are just tools that I have to do this a little bit better every day.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Yeah. I think that's helpful. As you were beginning, you talked about this inflection point at 50 employees where you started giving more attention to the particular presence that you were bringing. What did you start to notice? Did you notice the difference in people's receptivity to you and the sorts of things they were saying back to you as you grew in this practice?   - Max Yoder Yeah. Here's one thing that comes to mind that I noticed is I noticed I didn't have to solve anybody's problems for them. And I used to think I had to, like, I used to think I had to come up with solutions. And more than anything, now, I can be with somebody ask them questions and ask them questions and do active listening. So, like, one of the things I learned through motivational interviewing is if somebody's telling me something instead of asking a question, saying something like, so maybe somebody comes to me and says they haven't responded to me three times.   - Max Yoder You're frustrated might be the way I summarize where I think that person is at based on what they just told me. And then they had to go, Well, not really frustrated, just a little bit irritated. Or they go, yeah, I'm totally frustrated, and they keep talking. And when I'm getting them to do with this verbally process, and I'm only doing that because when they verbally process this stuff, they come up with answers a lot better. Right. But if I'm talking the whole time, it's tough for them to find answers.   - Max Yoder So when I reflect what I'm hearing with a statement, it gives them a chance to keep talking so that they can kind of maybe all I have to do is just get it out. Right. Not keep it in, just say it to somebody. Some days that's all that happened, and two or three days go by and they call me and they say, I think I figured out what to do. Thanks for listening the other day, it just is it. And I'm somebody who wants to solve a problem.   - Max Yoder Right. But in fact, sometimes I'm doing somebody a major disservice by even if I got the answer right on the off chance I get the answer right. With the limited information I have sometimes saying, hey, maybe here's what you should do is a complete disservice to that individual, because me giving it to them might make them more likely to actually not pick it up and do it. But if I were to just a little calmer and let them give you that conclusion themselves, it's so much more powerful if they thought of it.   - Max Yoder Right. Like, you don't want to be told to do things. So sometimes even if it's the right call, we might do the opposite of what I've just been told because we got told to do it. But if somebody can figure it out themselves, that's the most powerful.   - Max Yoder That's the most powerful recipe, even if it's exactly the same thing I would have said. Right. And most of the time, of course, I don't have the answer. But I guess my point is sometimes even giving somebody the answer unless they're asking me for it.   - Max Yoder Right. Unless they're saying Max, I really want your feedback here, which is a whole different prompt. Right. But if they're not asking for it and give it a I can do a major disservice in that process.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Yeah. I think that's such a good word, because I think especially as people get, we oftentimes promote people on their capacity to solve problems. It's a really valuable skill set to organizational growth and leadership. In my work, I call it the predisposition to be in a Fix-It, Frank.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes And what I heard and what you said is also a comfortability with a slightly extended time horizon. I think as I verbally process something that I see in the leaders that I work with, is there this imperative of like, well, we need to get it figured out now. We need to get it figured out in the moment. And I've got insights and I've got a history, and so I'll give it to you, and then you'll be happy. And how that short circuiting of the process, it can be a move of not believing that there's enough time to let somebody come to their own conclusion or not believing that they have the capacity of do so.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes So I've just got to give it to you in this moment.   - Max Yoder Right.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes And the cost that can be associated with doing that, I think he spoke really eloquently to.   - Max Yoder Well, thank you for hearing me out, because I think that's taking me a long time. Like, what I saw is the people who I would go to therapy with were very reluctant to give answers. So they were modeling for me, and I'd ask them why, and they teach me. And I don't consider myself a therapist. Right. But these people I do consider they are therapists. They're professinally, trained and in some cases, done it for 40 years. That's a long time. And there's a lot of mistakes being made in that process to their admittance, seeing them and seeing how helpful it was for me, but also knowing that there were times when I would go to that person to say I'd really like some advice.   - Max Yoder And I've opened the door at that point to hear them. And many times the advice they give me, I don't take it up with open arms. It's when that advice feels pushed, then that's when it doesn't work, right. When it feels pushed or forced. But when it's invited, that's a whole different motion.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Right. So the acknowledgment of seeing a therapist of some of the things that they have helped you with. You recently did something for your company where you interviewed your therapist to talk about boundaries. I'd like to hear about why that felt important for you to do. And what were some of the key learnings that you felt like were really important for your people,   - Max Yoder Yeah. So while I was important and what do people take away from it? I can only tell you what to away from because they haven't seen the interview yet. At the time of this conversation, we have not shown it to them yet. But I'll tell you what I hope to take away from it. But I'll start with, hey, here's why this is important. Many of my teammates asked me about boundaries just completely unprompted. They would come to me and say, hey, I'm going on a vacation. I know that you encourage us to turn all of our stuff off, to delete our email and our delete our slack from our phones, so we're not going to compulsively check them.   - Max Yoder But I don't know if I'm comfortable doing that. And for whatever reason, they were not willing to accept themselves doing that they were concerned. And that's a boundaries challenge for me. I speak openly about having engaged with people that I love who have substance use challenges. And I speak openly about having to learn about boundaries in that process where I begin and they end in where they end, and I begin. It's a very important part of understanding how to be healthy in the midst of something that is really, really challenging, which is substance use disorder, which you might co alcoholism or any number of things.   - Max Yoder Right. So I speak openly about these things. People come to me, and it's clear to me that this is not something that we get a lot of attention. And I would generally share. See, if somebody wanted something from me, I would generally share a talk by Gabor Monte called "When the body says no" was good.   - Max Yoder He's a master, and he speaks about boundaries. Basically, caregivers tend to struggle taking care of themselves, and they'll just give care and give care and give care, and they will not care for themselves. They'll be asymmetrical in the way they give care. The way that they care for somebody else is one way. And the way that her from themselves is completely opposite. Basically, like, they don't deserve any care, but everybody else deserves all the care. And he basically talks about how this just Withers people away. So all of these things combined, I know boundaries are important in my life, and my teammates come to me and say they matter.   - Max Yoder Gabor Mate gives this talk. And when I share with people, they tell me like, oh, my gosh, my brain just blew open in such an interesting way because he's so profound. So I'm thinking, hey, this is a chance for me, too. And so I asked my therapist about how does he view boundaries? And he gave this just excellent off the cuff answer. And I was like, Can I just interview you sometime about this? And so we can share this with my teammates, because exactly what you just said.   - Max Yoder So he comes in and we talk about boundaries. And I thought it was important because I just it's just not talked about in our world. Right? We think Kind is doing things for other people, kind of at any expense to ourselves. Right. Like, well, they asked for it. So I got to give it because I don't want to be a jerk.   - Max Yoder It's like that. It's not. We have to counterbalance kindness with boundaries, with assertiveness. And I just see people who do not have those tools to be assertive, and it's very stressful for them, and I ultimately think it's slowly killing them. So I think this is important. So here's what I hope people take from it. When they hear a assertiveness, I think they maybe hear aggressiveness. And Terry is very clear that you can be assertive without infringing on anybody else's energy or anybody else's motion. Like, it's not about aggression, right?   - Max Yoder Those are two different things. Assertiveness is the ability to say yes or no based on you wanting to or not wanting to. And he says it ultimately comes from a place of self acceptance. If I enter a space and I accept myself, then I can assert my needs. And asserting my needs does not mean dominating your needs, right? It just means if I'm tired, somebody comes to me and says, hey, can we do this thing today? I might say if I'd like to do it tomorrow, I just don't have the energy today.   - Max Yoder I like to do it tomorrow. And if that person is not willing to accept it, I say I understand, but I still have the energy. Can we do it tomorrow? And he's like, if you don't accept yourself, you won't even ask. You may not even ask the question of can we do it tomorrow? Because you may be coming from a place to say, I'm not good enough in order to feel good enough, I need to answer this request. But he's, like an accepting person, believes they're good enough.   - Max Yoder They don't believe that they're going to be good enough by doing the request on the demanded time. Right. They're just good enough. And so he really clarified in a big way how self acceptance is key here. And what keeps us from exerting boundaries is a fear. And each person's fear might be different. But understanding what that fear is, it might be that you feel like you're not good enough for X, Y, or Z reason might be something different, but getting down to that fear and understanding it and and working through that is the way that we get to a place where we're comfortable enough to say no, thank you and stand by it and not be worried that that person, we're going to lose that person by doing so.   - Max Yoder So there.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Well, and as I think of some of the responses and groups and surveys and the work that I do, I think there's an underlying fear for many people that if I assert this boundary, people aren't going to like me as much. They're going to think I'm lazy. And while you, as a leader, cannot, in a top down way, control people's responses to things like establishing boundaries or expressing vulnerability, that there is an element of culture creation that goes into this. How do we, as a group, you know, not always perfectly respond, but have more of a context where we, like, make the space for that.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes We make the space for it's okay to say no. We make the space for vulnerability. What are some of the ways that you have co created with some of the other leaders at Lessonly, a culture that says it's okay to do that? What are things that you have done that have moved the needle?   - Max Yoder Yeah. So if the executive team at Lessonly is unable to assert ourselves, like, if we are not assertive in a situation, if we say yes to every new thing that comes our way, we are not modeling what we need the rest of our teammates to do. So it's incredibly important that a certain boundaries in my life that the executive team set boundaries and their lives, that when it's too much, we say it's too much. That is the fundamentally most important thing we can do to make it okay for anybody else to do it.   - Max Yoder The opposite approach that does not work is the same as your boss saying, hey, I don't expect you to work on the weekends, but I'm gonna because, you know, I got a lot to do, but I don't expect you to, and that just doesn't work. You know what? People here, I better be working on the weekends, right? If your behavior is not aligned to your words, people are going to look at your behavior, right? Not your words. They're going to trust your behavior, not your words.   - Max Yoder So what I want to do is align my words to my behavior, which is to say weekends are sacred, just like winter is the season that allows for spring. And winter is a season where it looks like there's not a lot happening, but there is a lot happening. Sleep at a time when it look like there's not a lot happening, but there is a lot happening. We need weekends or it looks like there's not a lot happening, but there is a lot happening, right? This resting and recharging is incredibly important.   - Max Yoder And if I don't treat my weekends like I want to people to treat them. And then why would I believe they're going to do that? Right. I can't do anything more than that is just make the space to say like, I mean it when I say this, and I mean it because this is my behavior, and I need my executive teammates to mean it, too. And I need the managers to also mean it, too. And in some ways, that goes well in other ways. It doesn't.   - Max Yoder Right. But it's ultimately out of my hands to some degree. Right. If people are going to pick that up, if we have a chronically, chronic challenge of the teammate, it's my responsibility to have a difficult conversation with them and let them know how important their modeling is, no doubt. But ultimately they're going to make the call if they want to change their behavior or not. And it's out of my hands if I'm doing it myself.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes I'm struck right now that it's a tight labor market for many people.  Lessonly is growing. You're wanting to bring more people on. Do you feel like you have seen a through line towards creating this kind of culture where rests and seasons and vulnerability is upheld and valued and the way you're able to attract and retain talent?   - Max Yoder I think we understand part of the recipe, but we exist in a system, though, that is chronically overworked and systems win. Like individuals, we've created a system a lesson that I'm really proud of. But we're also in this broader work environment, in this cultural environment of overwork. And unfortunately, those systems, if we don't kind of remove ourselves from them and do a lot of extra work, they win. The bigger system wins. The culture wins. If they didn't win, we wouldn't probably have 25% to 50% of the population reporting depressive States.   - Max Yoder Right.   - Max Yoder The culture is winning. We've optimized for economic growth, we've optimized for consumerism, we've optimized for commercialism. We haven't optimized for well being. And look what we're getting, right. We're not getting a lot of well being because the system is not in support of of that. So it's discouraging. It just is. And so we can only do so much less only to turn the tide. But it's our job to at least try. And one of the things that I find complete myself to be completely powerless to change is that there is no winter in software.   - Max Yoder There's no winter in the business world. There is no period of three months like there is for a pro athlete or for a farmer, where we work really hard and we plant and then we harvest. I'm not a farmer, so I'm not going to use all the right words, but we create a crop or mini crops. And then we have this period with winter where we take our time to rebuild. And pro athletes have their own seasoned in their off seasons. And this is wise. This is wise.   - Max Yoder I have not figured out how to recreate that in the business world. And I don't know if I ever will. It just is the system at work, right? Our customers, even if we take that time off, if we were to say less, only going to B nine months out of twelve, we're going to lose deals because there's a lot of deals because people need us for those three months, they were going to be off, right? Because they're going to be on. So, you know, it's not an excuse.   - Max Yoder It's just me saying, like, I don't know how to do it, right.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes The pressures of the prevailing system of capitalism that prioritizes growth and efficiency above all else.   - Max Yoder You said it well.   MUSICAL TRANSITION   We'll return in just a moment for the final portion of my engaging interview with Max.  But I want to take a moment to thank our sponsor, Handle with Care Consulting.  In the midst of the unrelenting stressors the last year and a half, are you giving your people what they need to stay engaged?  Empathy is key to building the sort of culture of connection that Max is talking about at Lessonly.  And the good news is, it is a skill that can be learned!  If you want help in skill-ing your people up in empathy and creating a place where people want to come to work, Handle with Care Consulting can help.  With interactive keynotes, empathy at work certificate programs, and coaching options, we can help you show care when it matters most.   MUSICAL TRANSITON   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes I would love to hear about times when building connection at your workplace have felt easy for you and why you think they felt easy. And then I'm going to have to underside. What are times when building connections felt really hard for you and why you think to start with when it felt easy?   - Max Yoder Yeah. When it's all easy to build connections, when I am accepting on myself to go back to Terry Daniels lesson. I mean, it has everything to do with my my internal system being an equilibrium, you know, which is a delicate thing, right? One night of sleep and throw it off. But when I am in this place of peace with myself, I'm able to bring peace to my connections and not view myself as needing to be anything other than what I am. But when I'm not at peace with myself, I can go to a state of judgment and criticism.   - Max Yoder And if I drop a ball or miss a mark and these are judgments that I would make of myself, you mess that up, you drop this ball, you miss that Mark. Those are all judgments in their evaluator language. It can be very harsh with myself and showing up to a situation. Putting intense pressure myself does not increase my connection to the person in front of me or the room in front of me. But when I show up and just say, like, you know, I accept myself, and acceptance does not equal agreement.   - Max Yoder Like, acceptance does not mean I've got it all figured out. Therefore, I'm good. Acceptance just means I'm willing to look at my own behavior and accept it. Whether it's behavior that I can objectively say is life giving or soul sucking, I have to be able to look at it to accept myself. And once I can look at it, I might be able to make changes. But if I can't look at something, it's tough to change it. Right. So acceptance is not about saying I like everything that's going on in my life, just about saying I'm willing to look at everthing that going in my life with in an even handed way.   - Max Yoder And when I accept myself, I can show up to a room with my new teammates or my old teammates or a mixture of the two and be peaceful in front of them and talk about mistakes without feeling ashamed and talk about things that I'm proud of without feeling ashamed and and share my humanity. And if I can do that, it maybe gives another person's permission to do the same. So I think it has everything to do with my personal system, being in a good spot here and then acknowledging that my personal system is often not in a good spot to folks so that they understand, like, hey, they're not dealing with somebody who's got this figured out, right?   - Max Yoder Like day in and day out. I might have a different equilibrium, or I might have a different disequilibrium, right? It's not about coming at this from a place like I've got this oneness every day. I certainly do not do. Not at all. Right. But when I'm at peace, I can connect better. And I find that to be a really fun time in that journey towards self acceptance.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Something consistent theme that I hear from leaders is just the particular burden of other people's expectations about what it looks like to lead or manage change in a given season; as you are seeking that equilibrium and self acceptance, what about when you smack up against somebody else's? Like, judgment? I needed you to be different. I wanted you. You're not doing it the way that I would like for you to. How do you encounter those voices, real or perceived and still work to maintain well in the balance?   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Because sometimes we do need to change. Sometimes it's like, oh, that was a blind spot. I need to change. And sometimes we need to be able to have the discernment to say, like, hey, that's your stuff, not mine. How do you navigate that process?   - Max Yoder You nailed it, right? How much does this person love me? Is my first question. How well does this person know me? If it's my wife, I know she deeply loves me. And when she brings me something where she says, hey, what I got and what I needed were far apart, I'm listening. I'm not sitting there saying, hey, your expectations of me don't matter, right? I'm listening. It might not be that I agree with everything she says, right? But I'm definitely not shutting it all out either, right?   - Max Yoder She is just like me going to come at this from an emotional triangle of past wounds, but doesn't mean that there's not real meat on the boat when she's frustrated. Right now, if somebody needs something from me and I don't know them very well, and I'm skeptical that they love me or know me really at all, it's not that challenging anymore for me to just kind of let that. There's a moment at first that I go back to my old self of getting defensive or being hurt.   - Max Yoder And it's more than a moment sometimes, right? It could be an hour. It could be 2 hours. It could be 3 hours. It could be a good night sleep that needs me through it. But then I'm like, yeah, that's okay. Life is too short. So it depends on my relationship to this individual. And Brene Brown has the idea of the Square Squad, where, you know, the coal world can't be my critic, and I can't have nobody has my critic either, right? I need the people who love me, care about me.   - Max Yoder And if the Square Squad is the one inch by one inch piece of paper where I can put the names of the people who I know love me, who will tell me the truth as they see the truth, right? They're version of the truth, and I know that they're not going to willingly hurt me for fun. And those are the folks who feedback. I am a lot more. I'm a lot more discerning with. Right? But if somebody's coming out with this condemnation or an unspoken expectation and they say you didn't meet my unspoken expectation, like, that is not my problem because it's an unbroken expectation.   - Max Yoder There was no agreement there. I've got a chapter and Do Better Work, which is a book I got to write a couple of years ago that uses Steve Chandler wisdom of expectations versus agreement. Like, if we did not agree to that thing, then we have to get that agreement now and then begin to hold another accountable going forward. But if we didn't have an agreement and you're mad about not spoken expectation, like, I need you to look in the mirror and say, like, hey, we get an agreement because I don't remember the agreement now, and I can't read your mind, and we don't need to go back and litigate the path that you're frustrated about when we didn't have this agreement.   - Max Yoder Just an unspoken expectation. But we can make an agreement now. And an agreement is not you dictating at me or me dictating you. It's us going back and forth and negotiating a course of action that we say, okay, this feels good collectively. You know, that is a relationship. When we do that, the other thing is just, you know, I can't live in a world where I just have to respond to everybody's unspoken expectations.   MUSICAL TRANSITION   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Something that I like and have appreciated. I think I've been getting your emails for, like, the last two years just because I enjoy reading them.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes But you compiled them into a book that you just referenced. Do Better Work. You have a new book coming out. Tell us about that.   - Max Yoder Yeah. So I took those notes and compiled it. So the first book do better work. I'd been writing notes, took some of those, turn them into chapters. This one is called To See It, be It. And I'll say that a little slower to see it. Be it. The idea is, if you want to see it, be it. And that's the best you can do. Right. I want to see more patience in this moment. Bring patience. If you want to see more creativity in the world, bring creativity.   - Max Yoder And then let go of all the other stuff of what you want other people to be doing, because I think it's just very, very common and very easy to get wrapped around the axle of what other people are not doing. And I honestly think some people will die spending most of their time complaining about what somebody else is or is not doing instead of going, do I do what I value? Right? Do I live by what I value? And, of course, the answer is going to be no, because nobody does that perfectly.   - Max Yoder And then the next question, if the answer is no, what it always is, how can I begin to spend more time doing what I value? And let go of worrying about what anybody else is doing?  And, of course, there's a relationships with husbands and wives and kids were that's incredibly difficult, right. And there might have to be boundary set where I feel like I'm living my values over here and there's somebody else in my space consistently that I just don't feel like I can do my best self around.   - Max Yoder That might require boundaries of separation. I just don't be together anymore. But what I'm getting at is, I think one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves to say what I want to see in the world, and how do I, at the time align to what I want to see in the world? And I think what happens when we do that is we either find that the things we want to see in the world has validity to them. We start to live them, and we start to see that they're very life giving.   - Max Yoder Like, let's just use an example of getting good sleep. I want to see people well rested in the world. Well, I can't control how you sleep. I can control how I sleep. So if I take care of my rest, I want to see it, and I'm being it, right. And I can let go of all the other things. But at least I'm doing the thing that I want to see more people doing, and I'm letting go of whether they're doing it or.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Yeah, not.   - Max Yoder And as I do that, I might say, hey, this feels pretty good. Like I had a hunch that sleep taking care of sleep was going to be helpful. And look how beautiful life is now that I've been able to take care of my sleep, which I understand is not an option for everybody. But I'm saying it's an option for me. So sometimes living my values strengthens those values. Other times, living things that I believe I value, like I intellectually value it, and then I start trying to live it.   - Max Yoder I found out, oh, I don't really value that as much as I thought I would putting into practice. I see that there is that there are problems and there are always problems with any value is taken to an extreme. Like loyalty. I value loyalty. Taken to the extreme, it becomes blind loyalty. If I turn it all the way up to 100% loyalty, I become blindly loyal. If I turn all the way down to 0% loyalty, I don't have any loyalty at all. Right. I need to have that loyalty dialed into something somewhere in the middle counterbalanced with once again assertiveness and boundaries.   - Max Yoder I'm loyal to somebody, but not at the expense of my own mental health and well being. It those two things counterbalance one another. So only by living that value do I learn those hard lessons, in my opinion. Right. I can't learn them intellectually. I have to live them and say, oh, wow, I do value this, but I value a different permutation of it than I thought. That makes sense.   - Max Yoder So that's what the book that's the first chapter of the book is, or the first note in the book. And then there's 24 notes after that of other things that I just think are important, and I share them because they help me and they help somebody else. Great. I just know for a fact that all 25 of them help me. And my hope is that maybe one day somebody picks them up and they want to read the book. Right. They're choosing to read the book. And one of the notes, as as it helps me in the past, helps them in a similar way or a different way altogether.   - Max Yoder That is healing as the whole point of the book.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Right. Well, and your writing is accessible. It's oftentimes encompassing story. It's nice digestible bits of wisdom that you could blaze through all at once, so you could flip through and take a little at a time. So I'm excited about this new offering.   - Max Yoder Thank you for being open to it. It's a great joy for me to write. I got to dedicate it to my daughter, and I dedicated to her because I just want I could get hit by a bus one day. Liesel. My dad owns a funeral home, and my dad's dad started a funeral home. My dad and his brother ran the funeral home for last 30 years, 20, 30 years. And people just get they just leave, right? They don't choose to go a lot of the time. It's not old age that takes us all.   - Max Yoder So I'm very highly aware that, like, is not my choice when I get to go and so writing for me is a chance to capture a bit of my spirit. And if I have to go for whatever reason, my daughter can pick up this book and do better work and and catch a little bit of her dad and deeply special to me to be able to capture a little bit of my spirit. And it really forced the genuineness out of it.   - Max Yoder Right. Because I don't want it.   - Max Yoder I don't want my I got to be genuine under that premise. Right. Like, I got to say what I believe, what I mean and what I stand by, because I don't want my daughter reading about somebody who didn't exist.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Right. Or reflecting in an individual that is not integrated with their best thoughts. Like, we're always seeking that integration, but you don't want a glaring gap between what you say and how you live, right.   - Max Yoder And I want her to see that I hurt. I make mistakes. Right. She's not going to get a picture of a perfect human being because I've never been one of those and they don't exist. She's going to get a picture of somebody who struggled, and that's what I want her to have, because that's the model I want to be. Hey, life is a lot of struggle, and there's a lot of beauty in that, you know, a lot of beauty in that. I've been very fortunate in that struggle, right.   - Max Yoder I always had a roof over my head. I always had food to eat. I don't pretend my struggles like anybody elses, but I can tell you struggle nonetheless. And I don't want her to think that life should just fall into place and be peachy. And that's what life is.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes So as we draw near the end of our time for listeners who say I want to build more connection in my workplace, I want to be part of that change.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes I know it's a broad question, but what words of insight would you offer to them as they think about how to go about doing that?   - Max Yoder So I want people to ask themselves, what do I value? And how do I, 1% of the time seek to live that value and become symmetrical and congruent with what I value in my behavior? And then how do I learn in that process? Because that's the best I can do. And if I'm in a system like, let's say I'm in a work system where it does not align to my values, I have to ask myself, Am I willing to change into those systems value because the work system will change every person in it if they stay long enough, right?   - Max Yoder It could even change them quickly. But if I'm in a system that is not congruent with my values, I'm going to be nervous because it's possible that that system actually has values that are very life giving. It stay long enough, I'll find out. But if I find out they're not life giving, I stick around. There is a casualty there. There is a loss there. So my ask to people is if you want to see it, be it and then pay attention to what the system cares about.   - Max Yoder And if the system is so disproportionately, caring about things that are not what you care about is very important. If possible, you get out.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes That's a good word, Max. Are there any questions that you wish I would have asked you that I didn't ask you?   - Max Yoder Let's see. I mean, I've talked about values a lot, so real quickly, I think something that I love talking about is this idea of reciprocity. Liesel, yeah.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes Tell me more.   - Max Yoder Yeah. So reciprocity is idea of I give what I get. And so let's say I get kindness from somebody, so I give it back. But a lot of times reciprocity comes through in a relationship where people are not communicating very clearly, when maybe somebody is struggling and they take their aggression out at somebody else, reciprocity is oftentimes somebody yelled at me. So I yell at them. Somebody didn't respond to my message, so I don't respond to their message. So it becomes I give what I get. And reciprocal cultures, if we're having behaviors that are life giving really beautiful, right?   - Max Yoder Because somebody gives me patience. Ideally, I respond to them with patience, right? Somebody gives me support. Ideally, I respond to them with support. Reciprocity is not necessarily something that is good or bad. It just is. And it resides about giving what we get. So what's the alternative to that? Well, it's living by values, which is, I think, supremely important to understand. If somebody comes to me, maybe somebody doesn't respond to my message that I sent them. And then later, they need something for me. So now they're asking me for my time.   - Max Yoder If I'm reciprocal, I say, Well, they didn't respond to me when I needed them, so I'm not going to respond to them. But if I value driven, I say I value communication, right? I value support, and I would have value that person responding to me when I needed their help. So regardless of the fact that I didn't get it from them, I'm going to give it to them, not out of fight, not to show them the way. Right. Because I value it. It's really important that we get those two things.   - Max Yoder It's not out of fight, right? It's not to prove anything to this person. It's because I value it. So if you're not having difficult conversations with me, it's not an excuse for me because I'm not living in reciprocal life. I believe in difficult conversations. I believe in having them. I'm going to have them with you. And that's the best I can do. You may not respond in the way that I hope that's out of my hands, right. I just value difficult conversations. I value patients. I value forgiveness whether I get them or not.   - Max Yoder So I think reciprocating can be a race to the bottom. It can be this kind of slippery slope of just degrading cultures, degrading relationships, and values based living. If I do it because I value it, not because I get it in return is the answer, in my opinion.   - Liesel Mindrebo Mertes I love it. I agree.   MUSICAL TRANSITION   Here are three key takeaways from my conversation with Max and I have to confess, there were definitely more than three valuable takeaways, but I have narrowed it down to these three…   Where are you in the spectrum of people pleasing?  Max talked about emotional slavery (feeling responsible for the emotions of others), and emotional disavowal (rejecting the emotions of others), and the third path of emotional liberation:  being able to adknowledge the meotions of others without being ruled by them.  Where are you find yourself most often ending up? Remember, there is always a third person or situation in each interaction:a relational triangle. People bring their previous experiences, their wounding, their successes, and their home life to a given situation.  It is important to acknowledge this reality because it helps us to contextualize situations.  Max encouraged listeners to ask the question, “What are my values?” and then to take a good look at the organization that they are a part of.If you organization is acting, consistently, against your values, there is a cost.  And maybe it is time to leave.    MUSICAL TRANSITION   OUTRO   Max Yoder:  Do Better Work Robert Sapolsky:  Behave:  The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst Robert Zapolsky:  Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers Gabor Mate:  When the Body Says No Marshall Rosenberg:  Non-Violent Communication 

dadAWESOME   We're on a mission to add LIFE to the dad life. We're passionate about helping dads live fully alive as they lead their kids to God's awesomeness.  | YouTube |  Instagram | Facebook | Twitter   Matt Norman   Matt Norman is President & CEO of Norman & Associates. Through Norman & Associates, he helps people think and work together more effectively. Matt's mentorship has helped Fortune 100 corporations, non-profits, and entrepreneurs change the way they engage with their employees and clients.   FATHERS FOR THE FATHERLESS —MINNEAPOLIS, MN — August 28th, 2021 — DENVER, CO — September 18th, 2021 — PHILADELPHIA, PA — October 2nd, 2021 — NEW YORK, NY — October 16th, 2021 — PHOENIX, AZ — November 20th, 2021 Register Here: https://f4f.bike/   Show Notes:   2:23 - New Text Message platform! Text the word "DAD" to 651-370-8618 3:09 - Save the date for June 21, 2021 - dadAWESOME day 5:48 - Creating a pathway for unlimited screen time and how that has contributed to more productive activities for the 13 yr old sons 8:42 - How marriage counseling and being a part of a mens group helped pull out of the darkness of the season of infertility. "I'm part of a men's group that, you know, has been a very important part of my life. And it's been sitting around with those men in a non fixing, non rescuing, non minimizing environment." 11:18 - Book: The Four Patterns of Healthy People  13:08 -  "I just I can't emphasize enough for myself and other people that I've journeyed with the value of finding authentic people that are willing to tell the truth and have grace and love in that." 13:50 - Three questions: (1) Where are we often stuck? Where do I shrink back? (2) What's not working for me in some of my relationships? (3) Where am I getting triggered? Where are my hot buttons? 17:41 - Pete Scazzero - The Emotionally Healthy Leader podcast  18:20 - "And even in our families where we hurt each other....Sometimes we slight each other or wound each other in in intentional ways because we're hurting ourselves and we want to, you know, make ourselves feel better by hurting someone else. But sometimes ...we're wounded. And so we're going to put on this armor and I think that armor... blocks us off from having...more intimacy with the Holy Spirit, more intimacy with our other important relationships, more effectiveness in whatever work may be, because as we work with others, we need to let others in and allow ourselves to be seen if we're going to have 'vulnerability-based trust' in the workplace."  (from Patrick Lencioni's Five Dysfunctions of a Team) 20:22 - Favorite leadership book, A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman  - "The most important characteristic of leadership is to be a non anxious presence." 23:36 - Noticing that positivity can be tied to defensiveness 25:17 - What he hopes his kids say at the end of his life? 28:15 - How do we measure our day? Scoreboard and checklist or relationships and community? 31:35 - "We do all these things to rationalize, justify and excuse ourselves. And yet freedom and joy and connection lies on the other side of growth."   Episode Links:   http://MattNorman.com Four Patterns of Healthy People: How to Grow Past Your Rooted Behaviors, Discover a Deeper Connection with Others, and Reach Your Full Potential in Life and Business Make a Donation to dadAWESOME Join the dadAWESOME Prayer Team   Conversation Transcript: https://dadawesome.org/175notes/

Resilience enables you to be a non-anxious presence in difficult situations so you can respond with your best self. This episode covers the research behind resilience, as well as four steps to becoming more resilient. Show Notes: How People Learn to Become Resilient by Maria Konnikova Episode 92: You Can Change Your Environment or You Can Change Yourself – A Look at Edwin Friedman's Take on Toxicity and Response Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Edwin Friedman's book, Friedman's Fables, is an entertaining way to learn family systems theory. In this episode, I read the first fable, "The Bridge," and unpack the concept of the leverage of the dependent. Show Notes: Friedman's Fables by Edwin Friedman Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Leadership issues as close to home as sibling position and as big-picture as societal regression -- Bowen Family Systems Theory has it all. In the 4th episode in this series, we talk about how our birth order powerfully shapes our behavior as leaders as well as the behavior of those we lead. Then we explore how anxiety shows up in our society in ways that we all recognize from today's headlines and we consider what less-anxious leadership looks like in times of upheaval and uncertainty.  Summary: A theory about how humans actually function Even siblings grow up in a different family How sibling position shapes our behavior and functioning Sibling position in congregations and organizations How society functions like families do Anxiety in society's attempts at problem-solving Strategies for leaders For basic information about BFST, we recommend these resources:  The 8 Concepts of Bowen Theory by Roberta Gilbert Extraordinary Relationships by Roberta Gilbert https://thebowencenter.org/theory/ For a deep dive into Bowen theory in Bowen's own words, try Family Therapy in Clinical Practice by Murray Bowen.  To expand your application of Bowen theory, consider: A Diary of Everyday Growing Up (podcast and blog) by Jenny Brown A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman

How did the role you played in your family shape who you became? How does it shape your leadership? How do the people in your organization express the role they learned in their families? We invite you to consider how your family helped you shape the self that you bring to your leadership as well as how these concepts show up in the organization that you lead.  This is the third in a series of conversations about Bowen Family System Theory, a theory that has deeply influenced us and our book The Leader's Journey.  In this episode, we cover a lot of ground as we look at two of the eight concepts of Bowen theory: the family projection process and the multigenerational transmission process. Summary: Are you flying by the seat of your pants? How testing a unifying theory can integrate your leadership The impact of a family's anxious focus Our roles shape our functioning and our leadership The magic of connecting across the generations A family diagram – a useful tool for families and organizations Resources The Leader's Journey page Jim's Facebook page Trisha's Facebook page Mike's Facebook page As a guide to doing your own family of origin work, we highly recommend the book Becoming a Healthier Pastor by Ronald Richardson. We also find value in A Family Genogram Workbook by Israel Galindo. For basic information about BFST, we recommend these resources:  The 8 Concepts of Bowen Theory by Roberta Gilbert Extraordinary Relationships by Roberta Gilbert https://thebowencenter.org/theory/ For a deep dive into Bowen theory in Bowen's own words, try Family Therapy in Clinical Practice by Murray Bowen.  To expand your application of Bowen theory, consider: A Diary of Everyday Growing Up (podcast and blog) by Jenny Brown A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman

Can you see the triangles in your family and your organization? How do you manage yourself in them? What role does distancing and cutoff have in your relationships over time? Can you imagine a different way of showing up in these intense and anxious relationships?  This is the second in a series of conversations about Bowen Family Systems Theory, a theory that has deeply influenced us and our book The Leader's Journey.  In this episode, we cover a lot of ground as we look at two of the eight concepts of Bowen theory: triangles and cutoff. This sets us up to talk about the rest of the theory in future episodes and to make application to leadership at every level. Summary: Triangles – the basic molecule of human relationships Triangles, anxiety and leadership Taking a healthy position in common triangles Cutoff – managing anxiety with distance Cutoff in families and faith groups What if cutoff seems to be working for us? Imagining change as a path to change Resources For basic information about BFST, we recommend these resources:  The 8 Concepts of Bowen Theory by Roberta Gilbert Extraordinary Relationships by Roberta Gilbert https://thebowencenter.org/theory/ For a deep dive into Bowen theory in Bowen's own words, try Family Therapy in Clinical Practice by Murray Bowen.  To expand your application of Bowen theory, consider: A Diary of Everyday Growing Up (podcast and blog) by Jenny Brown A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman

January 3, 2021 10:00 am Rev. Dave DunnThrough story, parable and fable, rabbi, and family therapist Edwin Friedman portrays a “systems theory” of human behavior. How does this theory govern behavior in our families, workplaces and congregations?Religious Exploration classes for Children & Youth resume next Sunday, January 10.

Jim Herrington has been a pastor for 45 years, as well as serving as a denominational executive and pastor to pastors since 1989 where he first began coaching leaders. He has worked with hundreds of congregations from a variety of traditions around the challenges of personal and congregational transformation. Jim is the co-founder of Faithwalking, and co-authored Leading Congregational Change: A Practical Guide to the Transformational Journey,  The Leader’s Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation, and Learning Change: Congregational Transformation Fueled by Personal Renewal. Jim lives in Houston and has been married to his best friend, Betty, for 45 years. They have five children and four grandchildren. In this episode of the How To Plant A Healthy Church podcast, Jim and our host Michael Gatlin talk about church planting in a hyper-polarized culture and how the church can show up in a post-Christian world. Jim also shares some of his formative leadership stories, the importance of engaging in healthy community and expanding our capacity for emotional maturity. As a beautiful follow-up to last week’s conversation with Jim’s co-author Trisha Taylor, this episode will continue shaping our hearts and minds towards healthy, Jesus-centered leadership.   Show notes: To register for the Multiply Vineyard Summit, go to mvsummit.org The Leader's journey by Jim Herrington, Trisha Taylor and R. Robert Creech https://amzn.to/3nHDpI9 Faithwalking http://faithwalking.us Tempered Resilience by Tod Bolsinger https://amzn.to/3nHgj4i Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard https://amzn.to/34y1j1j The Spirit  of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard https://amzn.to/3h6j6Sn The Wisdom Pattern by Richard Rohr https://amzn.to/3mG6ylR A Failure of Nerve, Revised Edition by Edwin Friedman https://amzn.to/34vwo5x Jim's email Jim@theleadersjourney.us Looking for a coach/consultant? theleadersjourney.us

Trisha Taylor is a counselor, author, consultant and speaker based in Houston, TX. As a counselor she works with individuals, couples and families and seeks to provide a safe space where people who are hurting or confused can find God’s grace and wisdom. Trisha also co-authored the book “The Leader’s Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation”, which challenges leaders to see their congregations as living systems and to respond to leadership challenges with emotional maturity, leading as Jesus did, from the inside out. In this episode of the How To Plant A Healthy Church podcast, Trisha and our host Michael Gatlin share a thorough discussion of the role of empathy in leading a church: Is all empathy beneficial? How do boundaries tie in? How can we partner with others in developing the kind of empathy that will truly serve the church? Trisha also shares tips on how to find a good coach to walk through ministry with, as well as several valuable resources for further learning. This conversation is chock-full of wisdom nuggets that will benefit even the most established of pastors. Show notes: The Ferment Podcast – Trisha Taylor https://bit.ly/2WfTw3C The Leader’s journey by Jim Herrington, Trisha Taylor and R. Robert Creech https://amzn.to/37kPL3a Edwin Friedman’s Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple https://bit.ly/2KxxB5e A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman https://amzn.to/2K7LYNY Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman https://amzn.to/2IT8olx Leadership in Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin https://amzn.to/3qUaqCW Faithwalking https://faithwalking.us

What theories do you have about leadership? How do they guide the work you do? Whether we can articulate them or not, we all have assumptions about human behavior and how people change and what good leadership looks like. When we can make them explicit and test them in our experience, we are able to be more thoughtful and intentional about how we lead.  This is the first in a series of conversations about Bowen Family Systems Theory, a theory that has deeply influenced us and our book The Leader's Journey. You may have heard about triangling or about being a less anxious presence or about being defined and connected without knowing much about the deeper theory that underlies those popular ideas.  In this episode, we cover a lot of ground as we look at two of the eight concepts of Bowen theory: the nuclear family emotional system and differentiation of self. This sets us up to talk about the rest of the theory in future episodes and to make application to leadership at every level. Summary:  Systems thinking Anxiety and togetherness fusions Family relationship patterns Relationship patterns in congregations and organizations  The role of leadership and coaching The differentiation of self scale and levels of functioning Togetherness and autonomy Resources: For basic information about BFST, we recommend these resources:  The 8 Concepts of Bowen Theory by Roberta Gilbert Extraordinary Relationships by Roberta Gilbert https://thebowencenter.org/theory/ For a deep dive into Bowen theory in Bowen's own words, try Family Therapy in Clinical Practice by Murray Bowen.  To expand your application of Bowen theory, consider: A Diary of Everyday Growing Up (podcast and blog) by Jenny Brown A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman

Edwin Friedman maintained that paradox and playfulness were important to maintaining a non-anxious presence. The leverage of the dependent and the conflict of wills are key concepts to understanding how this works. Show Notes: Friedman's Fables by Edwin H. Friedman Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Resilience not only promotes growth, it enables a leader to maintain a non-anxious presence when facing challenge. Understanding resilience will help you do this more effectively. Show Notes: Episode 92: You Can Change Your Environment or You Can Change Yourself – A Look at Edwin Friedman's Take on Toxicity and Response Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Conflict hurts! According to our guest Dr. Daniel Borg, conflict “divides people, destroys careers, devastates friendships, and distracts churches from their God-given mission. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Jesus called His followers to unity, forgiveness, and reconciliation.” Sit with us as we talk with fellow PIR Regional Director Dan Borg, who has studied, taught and lived out conflict management. In this episode we discuss: · Why is church conflict so prevalent? Is it inevitable? Can it be avoided? · What’s a helpful perspective to have about conflict in the church? · Why do pastors struggle with managing conflict? Why do so many seem to get conflict “wrong”? · What happens to the church and to the pastor when conflict goes unaddressed and/or unmanaged? · What is a healthy role for a pastor to take in church conflict? · What should a pastor do when they realize they have been/are managing conflict poorly? · What should a pastor do when they are overwhelmed by conflict and want to give up? · How do you deal with difficult people and those who create/thrive on conflict? · How do you know when to get outside help? Resources mentioned in this podcast: v Watch the Managing Conflict Videos v Check out Dan’s Book When Christians Clash v Contact Dr. Daniel Borg dborg@pirministries.org v Sean mentions Edwin Friedman’s book A Failure of Nerve

Edwin Friedman said that the strength of toxicity in a system could be expressed as hostile environment divided by the response of the organizm (HE/RO). This episode unpacks what this means for the non-anxious leader. Show Notes: Toxicity and Response by Edwin Friedman Read the Full Transcript on The Non-Anxious Leader website. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Twenty years ago, Greg Holder left corporate America because of an unyielding ache to make a difference. Since then, Greg has been lead pastor of The Crossing, non-denominational church, passionately calling tens of thousands of people from a diverse spiritual backgrounds to consider what it means to follow Jesus in today's world. Today, Greg shares how many slowly, over-time begin to lead less satisfying, less fulfilling, less hopeful lives and how to break that cycle.   This conversation will remind you that your life has significance and you have the potential to change the world through your life’s impact. SHOW NOTES: Over 20 years ago, Greg left corporate after being called to be a pastor because of a longing desire to make a difference. We're living in a VUCA - volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguious - world. “People are longing for a world view that gives us a way out of a VUCA world, while acknowledging we’re in it.” Here I stand, I can do no other. Greg leans on his trusted community to collaborate when he’s being called into something more. Faith is not living in denial. Desire to flourish yet accept settling: We play it safe and surround ourselves with people exactly like us and attempt to blend in by being ghosts of ourselves because we forget we were made to make a difference. It’s not doubt that’s toxic to faith. It’s silence. By getting permission to ask hard questions, particularly in faith, Greg has been able to explore the answers, even when their may not be “answers”. “My dad left a legacy that I don’t think he fully appreciated. He set off so many chain reactions of love and goodness.” Spend less, give more. As part of Advent Conspiracy movement, thousands of people have chosen to celebrate Christmas in a counter-cultural way. Greg shares the story of a son who gifted his dad coffee beans with a note requesting they only drink the coffee together while having meaningful conversations. The open-handed generosity + hospitality Greg recieved while doing mission work around the globe has been life-changing for him. "I’ve been on the receiving end of meals that I know cost more than any meal I’ve served to a guest. That’s as humbling as it gets." Cultivate a culture of listening. In these particular days, Greg seeks to continue to learn by having conversations where truth can be spoken and where we listen to each other.  Learn more about Greg Holder here. Get a copy of Greg Holder's book Never Settle. GREG HOLDER'S LIVE INSPIRED 7 1. What is the best book you’ve ever read? A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman and the Bible. [John asked Greg what book of the Bible he recommends for listeners. If you’re looking to get familiar with the voice of Jesus, Greg recommends Matthew, Mark, Luke or John of the New Testament, or the Book of Philippians.] 2. What is a characteristic or trait that you possessed as a child that you wish you still exhibited today? Be less self-conscious + be freer. 3. Your house is on fire, all living things and people are out. You have the opportunity to run in and grab one item. What would it be? Two journals I kept from my daughters first year away at college. 4. You are sitting on a bench overlooking a gorgeous beach. You have the opportunity to have a long conversation with anyone living or dead. Who would it be? C.S. Lewis  and I'd ask him to tell me about his writing process. 5. What is the best advice you’ve ever received? Lean into the gifts you have and stop trying to be someone you’re not. 6. What advice would you give your 20-year-old self? Trust Him sooner. Jump into the story with both feet 7. It’s been said that all great people can have their lives summed up in one sentence. How do you want yours to read? He followed Jesus fully and loved his friends with all his heart. *** About our sponsor: Keeley Companies wholeheartedly believes that if you get the people right -the results will follow. They set themselves apart with a forward-thinking culture that empowers their people and fosters loyal partnerships. Keeley Companies are a proud sponsor, partner, and super fan of the Live Inspired Podcast. Learn more about Keeley Companies.  *** Pre-order your copy of IN AWE today to receive access to fun, interactive bonus features emailed to you in the lead-up to the book’s release! Visit ReadInAwe.com.  *** Did you enjoy today's episode? Share it with your friends! Then subscribe, rate + review on Apple Podcasts. Live Inspired with John daily on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram + get his Monday Motivation email.

Wien and Jessie talk about many things in this episode, from leadership, to abuse, to awareness and authenticity. 2:12 - The Wounded Leader 6:59 - Mental health 9:35 - Spiritual abuse 12.15 - Emotional abuse 13.15 - Awareness and authenticity 15.17 - Harmony vs hierarchy 16.45 - Authentic redemption 21.13 - Reconciliation/relationships 23.41 - Family systems therapy 27.40 - Awareness, authenticity, action 33.27 - Conflicts Website: https://www.woundedleader.com/ Wien recommends the book 'A Failure of Nerve' by Edwin Friedman. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/acrossculture/message

Edwin Friedman described a set of tensions that every leader faces. Understanding context and emotional process helps the non-anxious leader navigate these effectively. Show Notes: Leadership through Self-Differentiation, a home video of an Edwin Friedman divinity school lecture. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Keeping things in perspective is essential for the non-anxious leader. This episode unpacks three important of perspectives that make it easier to be a non-anxious presence. Show Notes: Episode 49: Hot States, Cold States and Self-Regulation (Part 1 of 2) Episode 50: Hot States, Cold States and Self-Regulation (Part 2 of 2) Leadership through Self-Differentiation, a home video of an Edwin Friedman divinity school lecture. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Chad and Brian discuss self-differentiated leadership championed by Edwin Friedman in his book A Failure of Nerve. The five aspects that Friedman says self-differentiates leaders are: A capacity to get outside the emotional climate of the day. A willingness to be exposed and vulnerable. Persistence in the face of resistance and downright rejection. Stamina in the face of sabotage along the way. Being “headstrong” and “ruthless”—at least in the eyes of others.

A key difference between Edwin Friedman and Murray Bowen is the concept of Sabotage. Both would agree on the emotional process involved, but Bowen never used the term. This episode explains why. Show Notes: Bowen and Friedman: Two Systems Thinkers from The Bowen Center for the Study of Family Podcast The Non-Anxious Leader Network --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

In part 2 of this conversation, we continue to discuss author Edwin Friedman's insights on anxious systems and explore how the coronavirus pandemic has influenced human behavior over the last 8 weeks.

We are well into week seven of the Coronavirus pandemic and these last seven weeks have provided many interesting observations of human behavior in a time of crisis. In this episode, we discuss those observations as well as some of author Edwin Friedman's insights on anxious systems.

Here’s some of what we’re talking about:Fionn and the Salmon of Wisdom, as told and discussed by David Whyte in his book, The Heart Aroused.“Above, not through.”  The value of not focusing on “getting through” but being above.Edwin Friedman, systems theory, and the value of a non-anxious presence (more in this post here)Note: Fionn should be pronounced "fin"! Our sincerest apologies to our Irish friends for not looking up the pronunciation prior to the podcast!

20. The Alchemy of Anxiety through Self-Care Part 1 w/ Wanda BrothersDuring these uneasy times, anxiety effects us all. On this episode, Scott Wildey and Wanda Brothers start the conversation about why self-care is crucial for care-givers (leaders) during such a time as this. And, during this uncertain time, being grounded with God and in one's own body can make all the difference.Wands Brothers is a body focused therapist. She helps people heal from trauma, reach their goals, and assists them to learn how to evict anxiety and live life with joy and vitality. Wanda has been an adjunct professor of psychology and give lectures and presentations on Anxiety, Trauma and the Body, to name a few. Her website is wandabrothers.com. Part of Wanda’s mission is to befriend their body, because “A world with less stress, anger, and anxiety is a world where love and peace can flourish.”Wanda recently led an online Workshop with pastor Adam Klekowski, and in case you missed it, you can watch it at YouTube.com/FloodSanDiego.Recommended Resources:WandaBrothers.comSDTraumaTherapy.comBooks Mentioned:The Pastor in a Secular Age, by Andrew RootThe Magnificent Story, by James Bryan SmithA Failure of Nerve, by Edwin FriedmanAtomic Habits, by James Clear

21. The Alchemy of Anxiety through Self-Care Part 2 w/ Wanda BrothersOn this second part episode, Scott Wildey and Wanda Brothers continue the conversation about why self-care is crucial for care-givers (leaders) during such a time as this, diving into practical tools of how to alchemize anxiety.Wands Brothers is a body focused therapist. She helps people heal from trauma, reach their goals, and assists them to learn how to evict anxiety and live life with joy and vitality. Wanda has been an adjunct professor of psychology and give lectures and presentations on Anxiety, Trauma and the Body, to name a few. Her website is wandabrothers.com. Part of Wanda’s mission is to befriend their body, because “A world with less stress, anger, and anxiety is a world where love and peace can flourish.”Wanda recently led an online Workshop with pastor Adam Klekowski, and in case you missed it, you can watch it at YouTube.com/FloodSanDiego.Recommended Resources:WandaBrothers.comSDTraumaTherapy.comBooks Mentioned:The Pastor in a Secular Age, by Andrew RootThe Magnificent Story, by James Bryan SmithA Failure of Nerve, by Edwin FriedmanAtomic Habits, by James Clear

In this episode, Trevor Lee discusses the importance of getting past the ministry model that just tries to get people through our discipleship programs. Instead, we need a model that values the uniqueness and inherent worth of each person. We also talked a lot about suffering. And we talked about the part suffering plays—ironically!—in the healing of the world.THIS EPISODE’S HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE:Trevor Lee is a Development Representative with Made to Flourish and host of Speak in the Suffering podcast.The most formative book Trevor has red is A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman.Trevor learned through Made to Flourish that the work of every person is sacred and is a participation in the mission of God.The mission of Made to Flourish is to help pastors bridge the gap between Sunday and Monday for their congregations.Made to Flourish is focused on equipping and forming pastors to walk their people to live for the good of the world in their places of work and home.There is no inherent distinction between sacred and secular, between clergy and laity.A great idea is to do interviews with people about their work in the worship gatherings. Trevor got mixed reviews when he did this in his church.The mission of Trevor’s former church was worded like this: “Participating with God in the renewal of all things, and people in particular.”The mission involves evangelism, but it points toward something even bigger—the renewal of everything.Trevor defines shalom as everything being as God intended.God wants people to be made whole.God wants the harmony of all things.Suffering plays a unique part in the fulfillment of God’s mission. God uses suffering in profoundly redemptive ways that nothing can replace.Trevor shares about the challenges he faced in his last congregation.Embracing our suffering can help us move through the pain and into healing on the other side.Markus’ experience of suffering changed the way he thinks about what really matters in ministry.Markus suggests that organizations like Made to Flourish and Flourish San Diego want to help pastors humanize their people.The key quality a pastor needs to help people flourish is humility.You can find out more about Made to Flourish at https://www.madetoflourish.org/ RELEVANT RESOURCES AND LINKSSpeak in the Suffering podcastBooks mentioned: A Failure of Nerve by Edwin FriedmanManaging Leadership Anxiety by Steve CussMade to FlourishWebsite: https://www.madetoflourish.org/Twitter: https://twitter.com/MadeToFlourishTo leave a review of Spiritual Life and Leadership: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/spiritual-life-and-leadership/id1435252632— Links to Amazon are affiliate links. If you make a purchase through any of these links, I’ll receive a small commission–which will help pay for the Spiritual Life and Leadership podcast!

In this episode Steve Cuss, the author of Managing Leadership Anxiety discusses the way anxiety can affect, not only ourselves, but all those around us. We also talk about something called family systems theory, which has to do with recognizing and managing the anxiety in a system of relationships—be it a family, a church, a business, a baseball team, or school.THIS EPISODE’S HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE:Steve Cuss is the lead pastor at Discovery Christian Church in Denver, Colorado, and the author of Managing Leadership Anxiety.Acute anxiety is when you’re in actual danger. The danger is short-term, and then the danger passes.Family systems focuses on chronic anxiety, which has to do with what happens next after you don’t get what you think you need.Chronic anxiety is long-term. It is not an actual threat; it is a perceived threat.Laura Turner had shared on Steve’s podcast, Managing Leadership Anxiety, the idea of anxiety as a pet. It’s helpful to think of anxiety, not as a monster, but as a pet on a leash.It’s helpful to be mindful where your anxiety begins. Does it start in a spinning mind, a racing heart, or a tightening gut?It can also be helpful to ask a friend, “What are two or three things that I think I need, but that I don’t actually need?”Murray Bowen, founder of family systems theory, noticed that our problems aren’t just inside us, but between us.The most powerful person in the room is the most anxious person in the room—unless the room is being led by a non-anxious leader.Edwin Friedman wrote Generation to Generation, which focuses on congregational leadership. He also wrote A Failure of Nerve, which looks at family systems in culture and society.“Differentiation” is considered by Roberta Gilbert to be the cornerstone concept of family systems theory. It refers to your ability to notice when you’re being infected by someone else’s anxiety and how to stop your anxiety from infecting someone else.RELEVANT RESOURCES AND LINKSBooks mentioned: Managing Leadership Anxiety by Steve CussEmotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete ScazzeroThe Leader’s Journey by Jim Herrington and Trisha TaylorFamily Systems and Congregational Life by Robert CreechLeadership on the Lineby Ronald HeifetzGeneration to Generation by Edwin FriedmanA Failure of Nerve by Edwin FriedmanSteve Cuss: Website: https://stevecusswords.com/Twitter: @stevecusswordsInstagram: @stevecusswordsTo leave a review of Spiritual Life and Leadership: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/spiritual-life-and-leadership/id1435252632— Links to Amazon are affiliate links.

Leaders who understand the effects of emotional contagion can help those they work with function at their best. This is especially true in anxiety-producing situations. Humor and playfulness affect both the leader and those around her in positive ways. Show Notes: This article explains how smiling can increase happiness. This article explains emotional contagion and the research that supports the concept. The story about the Rabbi and the 11 year-old who spelled "feces" in Hebrew phonetics is from Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue, by Edwin Friedman, pg. 209. And yes, the story does use the term "Sunday school," which you might find odd for a synagogue. Friedman's words, not mine. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

Leading change requires the ability to express one's own goals and values in non-anxious ways, AND to remain emotionally connected with resistors. Show notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue, by Edwin Friedman, provides great depth on family systems theory and leadership through self-differentiation. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jack-shitama/message

You can feel it, and observe the symptoms, but it’s difficult to see with the untrained eye. You can’t help but spread it to others, and some would say it’s downright contagious. The description is often associated with the flu, or a common cold, but could it also be a picture of true discipleship? Join Rick, and guest host Stephanie Hillberry as they examine what a path to maturity in discipleship looks like, including how true discipleship operates like an infection. Turning to the Bible, they’ll discuss 1 Corinthians 9 and Paul’s description of a decompartmentalized life. Have you joined the Pigs? We're a group of friends ready to go all in with Jesus--to live a life that's “free indeed” because we’re wholly dependent on him. Join us for exclusive behind-the-scenes insights, opportunities to make your voice matter, prayer support, and connections to other Pigs inside our private Facebook group. Join Here- www.mylifetree.com/pratj-member-sign-up/ Related: (Now Available) Spiritual Grit- www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Grit-En…nce/dp/1470750899 Friends of God: A Discipleship Experience- https://www.group.com/product/1210000307958-friends-of-god.do?ecList=&ecCategory= Shrewed by Rick Lawrence- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1434700739/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i5 A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman- https://www.amazon.com/Failure-Nerve-Leadership-Quick-Revised-ebook/dp/B071R6P7MJ/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1537999792&sr=1-1&keywords=a+failure+of+nerve The Family Friendly Church- by Ben Freudenburg and Rick Lawrence- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764420488/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i6 The Unreasonable Jesus by Thomas Christianson- www.group.com/product/9781470748…easonable-jesus.do

This episode is dedicated to the possibility that the majority of leadership thinking is wrong as it is ultimate based on manipulation - trying to “get someone to do something.” Coming to terms with this idea is difficult and not for everyone because it requires us to examine some of our most deeply held beliefs and either dismiss them or at least think differently about them. If you are interested in hearing a conversation about healing leadership, you are invited to listen to this episode with Ron Baker and Ed Kless. This material is based on the work of Howard Hansen and Steve Geske, who have appeared previously on The Soul of Enterprise - Episode # 11.

This episode is dedicated to the possibility that the majority of leadership thinking is wrong as it is ultimate based on manipulation - trying to “get someone to do something.” Coming to terms with this idea is difficult and not for everyone because it requires us to examine some of our most deeply held beliefs and either dismiss them or at least think differently about them. If you are interested in hearing a conversation about healing leadership, you are invited to listen to this episode with Ron Baker and Ed Kless. This material is based on the work of Howard Hansen and Steve Geske, who have appeared previously on The Soul of Enterprise - Episode # 11.

This episode is dedicated to the possibility that the majority of leadership thinking is wrong as it is ultimate based on manipulation - trying to “get someone to do something.” Coming to terms with this idea is difficult and not for everyone because it requires us to examine some of our most deeply held beliefs and either dismiss them or at least think differently about them. If you are interested in hearing a conversation about healing leadership, you are invited to listen to this episode with Ron Baker and Ed Kless. This material is based on the work of Howard Hansen and Steve Geske, who have appeared previously on The Soul of Enterprise - Episode # 11.

This past May I had the opportunity to speak at Pepperdine University for the annual Bible Lecture's series. It's primarily a gathering of a combo of lay and professional ministry leaders, and as this event I was able to talk to them about one of my favorite topics...anxiety.   Anxiety is a huge issue both in and out of the church, and in fact, Walter Brueggemann has stated that it's the primary pathology in our culture that church leaders must deal with (see the excerpt starting at the 41:50 minute mark); I also believe anxiety to be one of the primary issues that our culture struggles with, and it can especially become toxic in a church culture where an extra stigma is attached to it.   In this lecture I walked the audience through several main points to better help them not only understand anxiety, but how to help them reframe it in a positive light, and what tools they can use, and steps they can take, to work with people who have anxiety. In this lecture I: help them identify the importance of what everyone's anxiety story is and how that informs not only how they handle anxiety, but how they perceive it and work through it. help them define what anxiety is and is not. help them define how to best understand anxiety. help them with the key ways to work through anxiety. help them normalize anxiety. help them reframe it as God at work in their lives, and as a friend, not a foe. help them understand how violations of love and trust inform anxiety. help them with tools to work with anxiety.   If you are someone who has struggled with anxiety yourself, or know someone who does, and you want to be of help...then check out this episode.     Resources and Tools Mentioned in this Episode The Concept of Anxiety: A Simple Psychologically Orienting Deliberation on the Dogmatic Issue of Hereditary Sin by Soren Kierkegaard Be Not Anxious: Pastoral Care of Disquieted Souls by Allan Hugh Cole Jr. The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety by Kelly G. Wilson and Troy Dufrene Bill Mounce's Exegesis of the New Testament word Merimnao (anxiety) The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Basel van der Kolk Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy by Terry Hargrave and Franz Pfizer Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth The Meaning of Anxiety by Rollo May The Anxious Christian: Can God Use Your Anxiety for Good? by Rhett Smith Existential Psychotherapy by Irving D. Yalom Failure of Nerve: Anxiety in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman

As we approach our 150th episode, we're revisiting some topics we did early on at the beginning of the podcast. This episode is about the human tendency to go into fight or flight mode in response to anxiety provoking realities. We quote from the book "Failure of Nerve" by Edwin Friedman a few times. Below are the excerpts cited: the possible exception of the first half of the twentieth century, since. While there have been other half-centuries of extraordinary progress, few have involved such fundamental change of direction all across the board. A person born in 1492 could have witnessed in their lifetime: an extraordinary flowering of artistic imagination concerning form and perspective in painting, sculpture, literature, architecture; the Reformation led by Luther and Calvin, ramifying out into almost every subculture and presaging the way religious differences would be formulated for centuries thereafter; the invention of the watch, enabling an unheralded fine-tuning in the measurement and coordination of daily time periods; observations of space and experimentation with lenses that would lead to the creation of the telescope; and the dissemination of the first newspaper, initiating the effects of widespread information-sharing within a community. Underlying all of this artistic, philosophical, and scientific upheaval was an even more basic, all-embracing change: the two worldviews by which European civilization had oriented itself for almost fifteen hundred years (based largely on the scholarship of the second-century Greek thinker and mapmaker, Ptolemy) were turned on their heads. One misperception was the view that the land mass on our planet was situated entirely above the equator, extending contiguously from western Europe to eastern Asia, with the Indian Ocean a land-locked lake. The other was the notion that our planet’s relationship to the rest of the planets and other heavenly bodies was “geocentric”— that is, the other planets and stars revolved around the Earth, which according to this orientation was situated at the center of the universe. Friedman, Edwin H.. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (Kindle Locations 596-613). Church Publishing Inc.. Kindle Edition. Anyone who has ever been part of an imaginatively gridlocked relationship system knows that more learning will not, on its own, automatically change the way people see things or think. There must first be a shift in the emotional processes of that institution. Imagination and indeed even curiosity are at root emotional, not cognitive, phenomena. In order to imagine the unimaginable, people must be able to separate themselves from surrounding emotional processes before they can even begin to see (or hear) things differently. Without this understanding, it becomes impossible to realize how our learning can prevent us from learning more. After all, when Galileo, a century later, tried to reorient the cosmic perspective of his world, he offered in rebuttal to those who were unwilling to learn what he had learned a look for themselves through his telescope. And there were people who not only disagreed with his views but, when offered the opportunity, even refused to peek. Friedman, Edwin H.. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (Kindle Locations 617-624). Church Publishing Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Dr. Cooper’s professional career includes private practice periodontist, academician, researcher, teacher, practice management consultant, corporate consultant, trainer, seminar director, board director, author, entrepreneur and inventor.  In 2011, Dr. Cooper was selected as a coach for the prestigious TED Fellows Program.  In his career, Dr. Cooper has worked with Silicon Valley start-ups, hospitals and hospital systems, insurance companies as well as Fortune 500 companies. Dr. Cooper has worked with dental clients in the U.S., U.K., Australia, Cambodia, Canada, Portugal, Italy, Greece, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Oman, Brazil, Singapore, New Zealand and Israel.   Today, Dr. Cooper’s principal commitments are in educating, developing and training dentist- entrepreneurs and senior executives of emerging or established managed group practices. His work is focused on strategies to succeed in the emerging future of dentistry, leadership development, senior executive development, corporate infrastructure development, and generating high performance cultures. Over the last six years Dr. Cooper has worked with dentist-entrepreneurs worldwide to generate highly successful managed group practices.   Dr. Cooper has also worked in the domain of self-awareness for more than 30 years; est, Landmark Education, The Pathwork, Neurolinguistic Programing, Edwin Friedman and Daniel Goleman’s work on self-actualization and self-differentiation, training and therapy with a Jungian psychiatrist on Individuation, and Buddhist meditation and other meditative programs at Naropa University. He has delivered a variety of programs inside and outside of dentistry on self-awareness.   Dr. Cooper is author of eight successful books; Mastering the Business of Practice, Partnerships in Dental Practice, Running on Empty, SOURCE, Valuocity, Valuocity II, Valuocity III, and The Elder. His electronic newsletter reaches thousands of subscribers in 31 countries. Dr. Cooper also co-developed a suite of online dental practice management assessment tools.   www.MasteryCompany.com

Who does Jesus say I am? When I first met Rick, he talked a lot about this question. He said it was the second most important question in life. And that question scared me, because I have been raised in a world of broken mirrors. Those mirrors have decided to point out all the things that are “wrong” with me, and deep down inside I thought that’s what Jesus was going to do too. When I finally let Jesus in, he set me free. His names were: chosen, daughter, rain that fertilizes and makes things grow, protected, wise, and a destroyer of darkness. He also told me that my life was a beautiful mess, a perfect artwork and that even in the ashes of my darkness he was making a fertile and wild garden. This week join us as we talk about the way Jesus makes art with people’s lives. We’ll share our own practical insights on how we have created space in our lives for Jesus to name us. BONUS Rick wrote a fantastic new free download with his “how to guide” on having a spiritual retreat with Jesus. We will also be inviting our listeners to join a special group. There’s no charge to be a part of it, but if you are a regular listener here we want to broaden our relationship with you. We will randomly choose people to give stuff to you, reach out to get your input and advice on things and we’re going to be praying for you. See below the related articles for details on how you can join. This week we are releasing a new resource for you to learn your name. It’s called Namesake, it’s a new Jesus-Centered Devotional Coloring book. Each page is a reflection of who Jesus says you are paired with a coloring page to engage you while you pray and reflect on the devotion. Related Links and Articles Namesake- https://www.amazon.com/Namesake-Revealing-Jesus-Centered-Coloring-Experience/dp/1470742772/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490995218&sr=8-1&keywords=namesake+coloring+book Namesake Sample- https://2df6ifl6qf726uflde5e28ya-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/namesake.pdf The Jesus-Centered Bible- http://www.mylifetree.com/jesus-centered-bible/ A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman- https://www.amazon.com/Failure-Nerve-Leadership-Age-Quick/dp/159627042X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489785710&sr=8-1&keywords=A+Failure+of+nerve Jesus-Centered Life by Rick Lawrence- https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Centered-Life-Didnt-Think-Possible/dp/1470728273/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489786019&sr=8-1&keywords=Jesus+Centered+Life The surprising thing that happened when I quit applying the Bible to my life- https://www.mylifetree.com/surprising-thing-happened-quit-applying-bible-life/ Two simple steps for changing the way you read the Bible- https://www.mylifetree.com/two-simple-steps-changing-way-read-bible/ Pierced New Testament for Teens- https://www.amazon.com/Pierced-Testament-Devotional-Experience-Youth/dp/1470740095/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490392794&sr=8-1&keywords=pierced+new+testament Join the Paying Ridiculous Attention To Jesus Podcast Community- https://www.mylifetree.com/pratj-member-sign-up/

When you picture someone who has devoted his entire life to the passion of getting people to read the Bible…you might be thinking that person is a bit rigid, and judgmental. You are in for a refreshing surprise this week as we interview Glenn Paauw formally of Biblica and now running the Institute for Bible Reading. We love his heart for making the Bible alive and a story again. Be a part of starting a Bible reading movement this year. Many of our listeners read the Jesus-Centered Bible and we want to encourage you to pick up a half dozen copies and to be praying about who you can give them too. Because it was designed to make the Bible more relate-able and bring out the story of Jesus. Get your Bibles today! We will also be inviting our listeners to join a special group. There’s no charge to be a part of it, but if you are a regular listener here we want to broaden our relationship with you. We will randomly choose people to give stuff to you, reach out to get your input and advice on things and we’re going to be praying for you. See below the related articles for details on how you can join. Related Links and Articles The Institute for Bible Reading- https://instituteforbiblereading.org/ The Jesus-Centered Bible- https://www.mylifetree.com/jesus-centered-bible/ Pierced New Testament for Teens- https://www.amazon.com/Pierced-Testament-Devotional-Experience-Youth/dp/1470740095/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490392794&sr=8-1&keywords=pierced+new+testament A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman- https://www.amazon.com/Failure-Nerve-Leadership-Age-Quick/dp/159627042X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489785710&sr=8-1&keywords=A+Failure+of+nerve Jesus-Centered Life by Rick Lawrence- https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Centered-Life-Didnt-Think-Possible/dp/1470728273/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489786019&sr=8-1&keywords=Jesus+Centered+Life The Surprising thing that happened when I quit applying the Bible to my life- https://www.mylifetree.com/surprising-thing-happened-quit-applying-bible-life/ Two simple steps for changing the way you read the Bible- https://www.mylifetree.com/two-simple-steps-changing-way-read-bible/

You opened your Bible, read a passage and immediately started applying it to your life. You read that part about how God doesn’t want you to tell a lie, and immediately started thinking about the small fib you told your co-worker the other day. Suddenly you’re wrecked with guilt and turning to prayer, or slamming the book closed. The truth is what happened is you missed the whole story. You missed what the passage was telling you about who Jesus is. Join us this week as we take a portion of Matthew 15 and apply a new filter while we read it. Watch as Jesus comes alive, and all of the insights we glean about him from a few paragraphs in the Bible. We want to invite all of you to take this experiment in your own Bible and share the new things you learn about Jesus. Related Links and Articles • The Jesus-Centered Bible- https://www.mylifetree.com/jesus-centered-bible/ • A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman- https://www.amazon.com/Failure-Nerve-Leadership-Age-Quick/dp/159627042X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489785710&sr=8-1&keywords=A+Failure+of+nerve • Jesus-Centered Life by Rick Lawrence- https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Centered-Life-Didnt-Think-Possible/dp/1470728273/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1489786019&sr=8-1&keywords=Jesus+Centered+Life • The surprising thing that happened when I quit applying the Bible to my life- https://www.mylifetree.com/surprising-thing-happened-quit-applying-bible-life/ • Two simple steps for changing the way you read the Bible- https://www.mylifetree.com/two-simple-steps-changing-way-read-bible/