Podcast appearances and mentions of Mary Ainsworth

272. Pathway to Joy and Happiness in Parenting with Amy Rienow   Psalm 144:15b NKJV, "Happy are the people whose God is the Lord!"   *Transcription Below*   Questions and Topics We Cover: Will you share your story of God revealing a spirit of perfectionism was sneaking into motherhood? How can we recognize our own spirit of perfectionism and what can we do about it? What is one thing you've found every mom needs more of and how can we get it?   Thank You to Our Sponsor: MidwestFoodBank.org   Amy Rienow's first ministry is loving her husband and nurturing faith in their seven children. She and Rob founded and lead Visionary Family Ministries, a ministry created to equip parents, encourage couples, and help families live for Christ. She attended the University of Illinois, followed by Wheaton College Graduate School, where she earned her MA in Clinical Psychology. She is a licensed clinical professional counselor. Amy has her hands full as a mom, partnering with Rob, and serving in the women's and worship ministries at church.   Savvy Sauce Episodes Mentioned in Episode: Special Patreon Re-Release: Discipline that Disciples with Dr. Rob Rienow Five Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman 87 Visionary Parenting and Grand-Parenting with Dr. Rob Rienow 182 Things I Wish I'd Have Known Before My Child Became a Teenager with Dr. Gary Chapman 220 Cultivating Healthy Family Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman 245 Stories Series: Miracles Big and Small with Dr. Rob Rienow 230 Intentional Parenting in All Stages with Dr. Rob Rienow   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook, Instagram or Our Website    Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)   Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   *Transcription*   Music: (0:00 – 0:09)   Laura Dugger: (0:11 - 1:43) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.   Thank you to an anonymous donor to Midwest Food Bank, who paid the sponsorship fee in hopes of spreading awareness.  Learn more about this amazing nonprofit organization at MidwestFoodBank.org.   I'm thrilled to get to introduce you to my inspiring guest for today, Amy Rienow. Now, that last name may sound familiar because Amy's husband, Dr. Rob Rienow, has been a previous guest multiple times, actually. So, I'll make sure and link his previous episodes in the show notes, along with other episodes that we recommend in this conversation.   Amy and Rob are founders of Visionary Family Ministries, and they are parents to seven children. Amy is also an author, podcaster, and she's practiced as a licensed clinical professional counselor in the past, so she's going to combine all of this experience together, and her wisdom just pours out as now she's going to seek to encourage us to seek the Lord and follow His guidance, especially as parents in our parenting journey. Here's our chat.   Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Amy.   Amy Rienow: (1:44 - 1:51) Hi Laura. I'm so glad to do this with you. It's been a while since we've talked about it, and I'm excited to be here today.   Laura Dugger: (1:51 - 2:00) Well, I'm thrilled to have you join, and I'd love to just dive in and hear how did Jesus Christ become your personal Lord and Savior?   Amy Rienow: (2:01 - 3:39)  I love that you start with that question. I grew up in a home with a Christian mom and a non-Christian dad, but they had made an arrangement before they were even married. She did have the wisdom to ask her husband to give her the domain of that, like picking a church, and he was willing to go with us as a family to church, even though he was not a believer, and that was very clear.   But she led me to the Lord when I was about four years old, and I grew up going to church, and that was my first. I feel like I never kind of have a lot of memory of not knowing Jesus, but I would say that my faith increased and became even more my own. I feel like it was always my own, but in high school, I went on a missions trip to Mexico, and I will never forget the experience of being in a very poor town in Mexico, and there was this horrible storm coming in, and all of us Americans were afraid of the storm, and we ran into the church while the service kept going on, and literally none of the Mexican people that were outside in the service, the storm didn't faze them at all.   They just kept going on, and honestly, that was such a pivotal point in my life where I was like, that is the type of faith that I wanted to have. I mean, it really cemented. I feel like that's when the Holy Spirit just helped me to know that that's who I want to be.   I want to be a person of that kind of faith in the Lord that is not budging when the storms come.   Laura Dugger: (3:40 - 4:04) Love that. Thank you for sharing, and since that time, you've added some people to your family, so I'd love to get a snapshot of your family right now and then share some more about motherhood, specifically in one of your books you wrote about recognizing that you had a spirit of perfectionism. So, I'd love to hear more about that because I think it's very relatable.   Amy Rienow: (4:05 - 6:43) Well, my family right now, I've been married to my husband Rob for 30 years. I have seven children, R.W., Lissy, J.D., Lainey, Millie, Ray, and Rush.  And R.W. is turning 28 this year. He has one little boy.   His name is Cliff, so that's my grandbaby number three. My daughter Lissy is married to Bond, and she's about to have baby number three, so that will be my fourth grandbaby. She has Avey, Bondy, and then this little new one on the way. And then my son J.D. just got married to Brooke last summer, so that is exciting. We're thrilled, thrilled, thrilled to have Brooke in our family. Lainey is graduating from Olivet. She graduated in three years, which we're really proud of. Millie is a junior.   Ray is a freshman, and Rush is in fifth grade, and I still homeschool those three. They kind of do part-time at a Christian school here, and then I homeschool the rest of the time. So, that is my current family.   It's expanding. As you will find out when you get to the stage, expansions come very quickly, and it's exciting, exciting times. But about that spirit of perfectionism, actually, even before I became a mom, I was convicted of a spirit of perfectionism because I had always been very critical of myself.   I had a very critical spirit. Just I don't know if it was, you know, the peer pressure, what those components are. I'm a middle child, but I just tended to critique myself very harshly.   And after I was married, even about a year, the Lord showed me how, because of my husband and I were becoming one flesh, I was really turning that critical spirit onto him. But then there was a book called The Fly Lady. She is a home organization.   I think I mention it in my book, but that is when I really began to understand that I struggled with perfectionism, and that's often what kept me paralyzed. It often keep me with that, you know, I would say engaging with that critical spirit, communicating a lot of criticisms, whether it be to my children or to my husband. So, that was, you know, so it started early in marriage, but by the time I was well into motherhood, I was really starting to understand what this was. What the critical spirit was, and it really was a spirit of perfectionism.   Laura Dugger: (6:44 - 6:52) Well, and the Lord met you there, and there is a story that you share related to picture frames. Would you be willing to tell that?   Amy Rienow: (6:52 - 9:07) Yeah. So, my daughter, Lissy, was graduating from high school, and it was classic me. I was trying to like get this massive graduation party together, and I'm sort of a procrastinator and life is busy.   So, it's like we are, okay, I got to get this done before this big party, this big event, and had a friend who was a decorator to kind of give me an idea of what to do. And so, my husband and really the whole family was kind of working overtime to get everything ready for this big event. And he had helped my, we had this huge wall that had to be that my decorator friend suggested a gallery wall.   So, we had all of these pictures up and I was looking at it late at night, kind of exhausted. We're talking about past midnight and I know it wasn't just my husband helping. I had JD helping.   I don't remember where I was, but we were just all working hard to get this ready for this party. And I was laying there as past midnight looking at that wall and so frustrated, like so frustrated because all those pictures I kept looking at like, Oh, this is going to be a mess. Like they're all, they're not like, you know, they're not command stripped.   Right. And so they're all going to be, I just felt like, what have I done? It's looking crooked already.   And it was so frustrating to me. And that is when the Holy spirit completely convicted me with just like, Amy, you should be looking what's in those pictures and not whether they're crooked or not crooked. Like, first of all, like all the family has been helping me with this vision.   Right. And it's not really their vision. It's my vision.   They've all been supportive of me in front of me. It was a wall of all the memories of all these beautiful pictures. And here I was so focused on my right angles and having it look perfect for the crowd coming in at the graduation party, as opposed to what everything on that wall represented.   And so, it was a very convicting moment to me of just like, I have a choice. Am I going to embrace everything in those pictures and everything my family's done to help us get to this special day? Or am I going to come in and be fixated on how crooked those picture frames look to me right now?   Laura Dugger: (9:07 - 9:19)  Appreciate you sharing that. And I'm wondering for any parent, especially listening, if they find themselves identifying with that spirit of perfectionism, what can we do with that?   Amy Rienow: (9:20 - 11:11)  It's a challenging one because I think our culture promotes it. And I also think I'm on the flip side of the positive side of it. Let me just say, I believe there's a vision of perfect in our hearts because we were created for perfect.   We're created for heaven. And the Bible says that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, or no mind has even conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. So, there's this drive for perfect that I think is very good and right.   And so, we don't want to give up like excellence, or we don't want to give up that we have that drive. The problem is that the enemy, in fact, I've actually done more research on this. There's really can be a demonic spirit of perfectionism where we're trying to create heaven here.   We're trying to think in our own flesh and our own strength that we can take care of all of our sin, take care of all of our flaws. We can take care of our children's flaws. We can take care of our husband's flaws.   That is actually from the enemy in the sense that we believe in our own strength. And you can look at that through history. It's basically a form of humanism that we can fix everything in ourselves.   God makes it very clear in scripture that that is not possible. So, I think understanding this tension, that it's okay to want things to be wonderful, that's not bad. But what's bad is when we leave God out of the picture and we put this pressure on ourselves and on the people around us to accomplish what only can God can do.   And we don't accept God's timing. We don't have patience with who we are, our sinful nature and really put our trust in Christ and not in ourselves.   Laura Dugger: (11:12 - 12:56) Let's take a quick break to hear a message from our sponsor.   Midwest Food Bank exists to provide industry leading food relief to those in need while feeding them spiritually. They are a food charity with a desire to demonstrate God's love by providing help to those in need.   Unlike other parts of the world where there's not enough food in America, the resources actually do exist. That's why food pantries and food banks like Midwest Food Bank are so important. The goods that they deliver to their agency partners help to supplement the food supply for families and individuals across our country, aiding those whose resources are beyond stretched.   Midwest Food Bank also supports people globally through their locations in Haiti and East Africa, which are some of the areas hardest hit by hunger arising from poverty. This ministry reaches millions of people every year. And thanks to the Lord's provision, 99% of every donation goes directly toward providing food to people in need.   The remaining 1% of income is used for fundraising, costs of leadership, oversight, and other administrative expenses. Donations, volunteers, and prayers are always appreciated for Midwest Food Bank. To learn more, visit midwestfoodbank.org, or listen to episode 83 of The Savvy Sauce, where the founder, David Kieser, shares miracles of God that he's witnessed through this nonprofit organization. I hope you check them out today.   You also write in one of your books that there's one thing that you found every mother needs. So, what is it and how can we get it?   Amy Rienow: (12:56 - 14:56) That one thing is joy, joy, joy. And, and I like to use the word happiness, honestly, because I feel like that happiness got a bad rap, I say, in Christian world for like a while, in my opinion. I don't know if it's still that way, but so often I heard sermon saying, you know, like we don't want happiness.   We want joy. Like there's these two different major things, like, you know, almost like a rejection of happiness for this deeper spiritual joy. Well, finally, the Lord really convicted me that deep, deep inner joy that doesn't show is an oxymoron.   Like, you really should see happiness. You should feel happiness. You should feel those things.   If you ever come across someone's like, oh no, I have a deep joy, but like, there's no evidence of it. Well, that's a red flag. That's a problem.   The Lord, you know, in the King James version, it actually says happier people whose God is the Lord. And I believe every mom desires that happiness. And sometimes they don't even really know that that's the most important element that they want in their home, you know, because it's so easy to get, I don't know, sidetracked on things that feel more important that you kind of forget how important happiness is.   And, you know, we can take it for granted. I feel like very easily because often when our kids are little and we don't have not entered that world of, whether it be academic or whatever into the greater world, let's just say in your home, you can kind of have like a natural happiness and joy that's just there, but it's so easily stifled. When we start putting our self into the world of either comparing ourselves to other moms, comparing our kids to other kids, stressing about the expectations or what we think our kids need.   We can often find that happiness slipping away. And I believe we do not want that to happen in our homes and in our hearts.   Laura Dugger: (14:57 - 15:08) And so how can we get more of that, both as parents and how can we train our kids to be happy and joyful as well?   Amy Rienow: (15:09 - 17:18) It's such a good question and a hard question. Cause I don't think it's just like we can snap our fingers and just do that. I think that it's really important that we are seeking the Lord and helping him order our priorities.   You know, God gave us 10 commandments for a reason. And if you look at the first one, it says, “You know, you'll have no other gods before me, you'll keep him first.” And part of the reason why I think that commandment is both like the first and also in many ways, very abstract, like, you know what I mean?   How do you even do that? You know, it's confusing, I think, but I think that's what the Lord wants is of a seeking of helping us keep him first. Because when we help to keep God first, number one, and number two, we don't have idols that we bow down to, that we place above him. Like, let's take an example of motherhood.   Let's say the idol might be, um, I have to have super smart children. Let's put it that way. You know, your joy is going to be robbed when you keep sacrificing to that idol, because that's a trap.   Like the enemy wants to trap you there to make the wrong sacrifices. And that is why I think God knows this. Like he's telling us right in those 10 commandments, you know, you need to keep me first.   You can have no, do not worship to idols. Because when you're making the sacrifices to eternal God, who is the author of joy, the author of love, the author of peace, those are the things he gives back to you. No other idol can give you peace.   No other idol can give you joy. So, I think when we look at the lack of joy that we see in a lot of our homes in our culture, it's because we've been ensnared into an idolatry where we're making the wrong sacrifices. We're sacrificing things that we don't realize the consequence of that until we're in it.   And we're like, wait, this didn't produce the happiness and joy that I expected it to produce. Cause we were tricked.   Laura Dugger: (17:19 - 17:27) Do you have any examples from your own life or friend's stories where that really comes to life?   Amy Rienow: (17:27 - 21:22) Oh boy. There's lots of examples and lots of friends stories, but I'm going to say one that's more of a story that I'm well aware of and not, you know, personally walk hand with. But I think it's always struck with me because it was so painful story. You know, I grew up, I've raised a lot of athletes in my home and my son, especially my first born very athletic boy.   And we were kind of at the beginning of the cusp of how important travel was, you know what I mean? Travel baseball and travel, you know, sports in general. And there's that pressure.   You need to choose this. You need to do this or else you are going to, you know, ruin the advantages for your child. If you don't do this, even if choosing that is going to mean you're going to sacrifice family time, you're going to sacrifice finances.   You are going to sacrifice your Sundays. I could go on and on. The world will tell you you have to do this in order to get to the prize that you're looking for, or your son is going to be disadvantaged.   If you don't choose that. And it took a lot to be like, no, we're not going to make, we're not going to make that trade. And there was a lot of pressure.   There's a lot of pressure with our son, you know what I mean? With him feeling sometimes neglected and having to deal in that relationship. So, it's not like that's immediate happiness or immediate joy, you know, but what did it did allow us to disciple him through all that.   It allowed us to see God, you know, use him, whatever team he was on, give him a lot of joy in sports. The blessing of it is that we saw him in high school, you know, excel in baseball, always rise to the top, win character awards. He eventually did go on to play college baseball and AIA, not like D1, but he got to play, got to use that gift to pay for his education.   But most importantly, he was a joyful, happy kid. Baseball didn't control his life. And I just praise God for that.   And in contrast, he, at the same, his age, same age level, there were these two boys who were twins were very well known for being top, top, top, top players. And they were just elevated in many circles we were in. And, you know, you, when you're in the baseball world, baseball moms will understand this, you know who the top players are.   You see the name, like, you know, when your son's in the paper for something, you know, he was listed in the number of top of DuPage kids. And obviously that's a feather in your cap and you're really proud of that. These boys were top of the top D1, but I'll never forget.   They went to different D1 schools and one of them ended up taking his own life his freshman year. I believe it just the most devastating thing. I could not, I cannot speak to any of those situations.   I don't know his family background. I do not know any history of at all. All I can say is it hit me really hard in the sense that these were the boys that so many parents were envying, envying of their success and of their status.   And that was so jolting to, to know that they'd received, you know, hit so many of these incredible hurdles that every parent thinks they want their kids to achieve. But obviously there was something amiss because there was a lack of joy, lack of happiness. I don't know the whole story.   But that just strikes me again of just how important it is to again, go back to keeping God first, make sure you're making the right sacrifices.   Laura Dugger: (21:23 - 22:43) That's a good word. It's such a sobering story, but making sure we're making the right sacrifices or really listening to God's counsel. That reminds me where I was this morning, Psalm 25.   I read it in the amplified version, but it was talking specifically that some of his guidance comes from his word. Like it's amazing. It's incredible.   It's important to pray and to be around others who are godly and do other spiritual rhythms, but there's nothing like reading his word to hear from him. And let me try and find the verses. Verse 14 in the amplified version says, “The secret of the wise counsel of the Lord is for those who fear him and he will let them know his covenant and reveal to them through his word, it's deep inner meaning.”   And the next verse, just the first part goes on to say, “My eyes are continually toward the Lord.” And that was such powerful takeaway this morning, but then I'm hearing it through the way that these lives played out. Because when you look, is it my understanding correct?   That you did travel sports, but they were not, your children chose not to do Sundays.   Amy Rienow: (22:44 - 25:52) Well, we did not even do travel sports for my oldest. It was back in the day when park district actually, you could, you know, like there were enough kids. So, we, my son did only park district all the way through eighth grade, but then he kind of, because he was like young for his age, he had one sort of gap year in between high school before he started like high school sports.   And that's when he did play a travel sport. We found one that honestly was not good at all. I don't think the level was any better than park district, but they accepted the no Sunday situation.   So, that's what we did. And you know, it was a losing team. Like he was on losing teams, like most of his baseball career until he got to high school.   So, it really was you know, the opposite of what the world said he needed. And yet he was able to, to rise and, and achieve. And honestly his high school experience was being able to always, he was a starter all the time and he his teams won.   So, it was like years of like, not, you know, kind of paying these prices I would say. And that's neither here or there. The winning or the losing is really not important.   The important was keeping baseball in its proper place, enjoying the gifts that God has given you, not letting, listening to the world. I'll just throw this in because we are what you said about sound. First of all, I love the amplified version.   So, that blessed me that you read the amplified, but you know, seeking the council, you, we must be as parents in his word, like regularly listening to how he's speaking to us because we also, it's so interesting. Rob and I live in a very interesting world. We had one foot, especially back then, one foot in the homeschool world, one foot in the public school area, public school community, lots of public school friends.   And then also the Christian school is where my son played. But you know, if we'd go to homeschool conference, there were tons of messages that you should not have your kids in sports at all. Sports are wrong.   Sports are a waste of time, you know? So, that was a strong message of sort of like condemnation almost for being in sports at all. So, my point is there was no one community that said, okay, this is the way, you know what I mean?   We had to seek the Lord, you know, for ourselves, for our family, for our son, knowing this was his love and his giftedness and continue to look for wisdom and how he should grow in those gifts. You know, and how he wanted to use it in his life, but not let it take over his life. And isn't that the lesson for all of us?   So, anyway, it depended on that seeking the counsel of him, both myself with my husband and then also with our W. It wasn't like we kept him out of the picture. We were praying the three of us for wisdom and all those things.   Laura Dugger: (25:53 - 26:42) I love hearing that because you're right. It's not about black and white decision of travel sports are always wrong or always right. But the main takeaway is seek the Lord because he has wisdom for our individual unique situation.   And I want to go back and close a few other loops. Sure. Please.   One of those being that even with perfectionism or with comparison or when we're choosing godly values that may contradict worldly values, I'm hearing a theme that there's a, it's a fight and that there's a spiritual battle. And you even said you had researched some of this, Amy, how do you personally learn about that and be aware of the spiritual realm?   Amy Rienow: (26:44 - 30:42) We, we really, I can't say it enough that we do need to be so aware of the spiritual realm. I didn't understand. I didn't understand in my early years of parenting at how important that was to pay attention to.   And here's the thing there's, I feel like there's the Lord brings us on a path along the way with the knowledge we need at the time. And then he wants us to stretch and grow and learn a little bit more. So, there was a season in my life.   When especially we began homeschooling, the Lord brought us into all these new teachings that we didn't really understand was so powerful. It was so wonderful. We were very blessed by all of those teaching and the conferences that we were attending.   But what began to happen for me is that the perfectionism that I knew was there kind of gotten folded into that teaching because all of a sudden I kind of wore as a spiritual, like pride that I, I called it my noble list. Now I, when I talk about my book, Not So Perfect Mom, I, this is not in the book, but this is part of my talks. Like I kind of replaced the world's list of great athlete, great, you know, so smart, all those things with my noble list.   My child will have wonderful character. My child will read God's word. My child will know what it means to serve, but you see what I mean?   We're still dealing with a list. God had to call me out of that way of thinking back to the importance of a relationship with him, meaning for myself and meaning for my kids. Because when my oldest was 12, I was starting to see that we could be raising a Pharisee. If we keep focusing on this noble list, like if he knows all of his Proverbs, if he obeys perfectly, if he, you know what I mean?   Like life is not supposed to be, God never called us to do that. He desires a daily relationship with us. And that's what he desires for our kids.   So, that was beginning to suffocate my oldest for sure. And my, I would say, and my daughter right underneath him because they felt the weight of this, you know, we need to arise to this, this standard. So, like that perfectionism can take on this, this type of robe that makes you feel very noble about it.   Especially if you're in certain circles, like spiritual circles, where if your kids look right, dress right. You know, say yes, ma'am and yes, sir. Then we're all assuming that they're wonderful and we're not really getting to the heart underneath, but that is, there's a tension and a spiritual battle.   That's far. That's super important to pay attention to. And the way the Lord showed that to me is that I would often say the phrase in conversation.   Oh, it's a battle. Oh, it's a battle. We're in a battle.   I'm the Lord. I don't know what they gave me a vision. That's too strong word, but I had this sort of, I, I guess it's a vision.   I imagine that I was on, I was sitting in a coffee, like at a table with a friend drinking coffee. And we were just, you know, chatting and yet that coffee table was in the middle of this bloody battlefield. And the Lord was just kind of showing me, this is how your attitude is about saying that it's in a battle.   Like you're sitting here, just talking with your friends, drinking coffee and chatting and laughing. And this is the battlefield. It's all around you.   What are you doing about the battle? You know, when you are following after the Lord, you need to expect opposition. You need to understand that your kids are under spiritual attack.   And if we're not praying and putting on that full armor of God and recognizing it, we're not engaged in it.   Laura Dugger: (30:42 - 31:41) When was the first time you listened to an episode of The Savvy Sauce? How did you hear about our podcast? Did a friend share it with you?   Will you be willing to be that friend now and text five other friends or post on your socials? Anything about The Savvy Sauce that you love. If you share your favorite episodes, that is how we continue to expand our reach and get the good news of Jesus Christ in more ears across the world.   So, we need your help. Another way to help us grow is to leave a five-star review on Apple podcasts. Each of these suggestions will cost you less than a minute, but it will be a great benefit to us.   Thank you so much for being willing to be generous with your time and share. We appreciate you.   When you go back to your family of origin, did your father ever find a saving faith in Jesus Christ as well?   Amy Rienow: (31:41 - 33:11) He did. He did actually. That's such a wonderful question. And he did when my husband and I were married for about a year. And he, at Christmas day in front of our whole family, after we were sitting at the table at dinner, he kind of waited for all the gifts to be open and be at a different spot.   And he said, “Well, I opened one more gift today and it was the gift of salvation.” Wow. I still tear up thinking about it and thinking about my older brother's response, who was not an emotional person.   And I saw tears in my older brother's eyes, but I just want to even in saying that, that taught me a lot because even at the time when he accepted salvation, he even said, I don't necessarily believe all the Bible's true. He really, you know, he accepted in faith and now he doesn't, you know, the Lord took him from evolutions. Now he's probably more conservative or believes the Bible in a way that I would say many other Christians maybe wouldn't believe, but I'm saying that it was a process watching him grow.   And my kids don't even understand that, that we call him Bop Bop. He used to be a man who, you know, let the communion plate pass every week. And he was not a believer because they see him so much as a spiritual leader now, but you see how faith moves and how faith changes us.   And we need to be patient with God in ourselves, with our kids, you know, and trust in that walk with Him. Love it.   Laura Dugger: (33:12 - 33:23) Well, I'm going to change gears here a little bit. Yeah. Will you explain attachment and share why you're so passionate about this topic?   Amy Rienow: (33:24 - 37:18) That is, I do feel like I love talking about attachment. I feel like it's an underrated thing to talk about. Some of you might be familiar.   I don't know if any of these names like Mary Ainsworth or the Harlow experience, you remember the monkey Harlow experience. It's most, most kids who've had like even a high school psychology class, know that the story of the monkey who has the wire surrogate mom with the bottle. And then has like the fuzzy mom that doesn't have the bottle and the monkey goes and gets its food from the bottle of the wire mom but continues to go over to the furry surrogate mom for comfort.   That's some of the original psychology on attachment but I was started my professional job in a school with children with behavior disorders and autism. That's one of my first jobs. And, and because of that, I went to different seminars for continuing education.   And one of them was a woman who specialized in attachment. And part of the reason she specialized in attachment because she'd adopted so many children and she was sort of a professional on adoption. And that's when I really did a deeper dive into attachment and specifically something called reactive attachment disorder.   I can't go into that. It would be a long tangent. But she was such an eye-opening time.   And this is even before I had children. But she said that, you know, she couldn't say everything she wanted to about attachment and the effects specifically of daycare on children, because it wasn't politically correct. That she would lose her funding basically, if she gave her true opinion on some of the things that our culture was doing to destroy attachment among families.   And it was just very eye opening to me that, you know, when we get our baby development books, the time that I was having kids, it was What to Expect When You're Expecting and What to Expect for Your One Year Old and all these milestones that moms are looking for. And obviously moms generally love their kids. I will stand by that over and over, you know what I mean?   That's the norm. And, you know, you're told to look for all of these milestones, but really attachment is not even mentioned in this book of how important it is. What are the signs of a securely attached child?   And yet this is so significant. And it's not just in the Christian world that we can recognize this. This is universally known in the psychology world, how important attachment is.   So, let's go back to that spiritual battle. Why is it that that is not discussed? Or why is that not focused in the development book?   Or why is it that if you're going to adopt a child, you're going to learn all about attachment, but that's not something that you may necessarily come into contact with if you're just having your own children. But attachment is essential for all healthy relationships. And specifically attachment with the mother.   I mean, we can use the term primary caregiver. Yes, to other people come in and be a primary care. I'm not saying that, you know. It's not just the mom, but this relationship with the mom, this, this attachment is so significant because God created it that way.   And it, how that relationship and how that attachment happens will have this impact on all the other relationships that your child is going to have in their life. So, it's something that we need to be talking about. And I pray that it becomes more and more common for people to talk about it.   Laura Dugger: (37:18 - 37:25) Well, and I'm even curious that speaker was that Karen Purvis?   Amy Rienow: (37:25 - 38:04) Oh, I don't even remember her name. I apologize. She was not a Christian. She was not a believer.   She, well, if she was, I don't know that. Cause I was, I was listening to her in a secular setting. You know, so she might've been, I don't, so I don't know, but I, the reason why it was so curious to me that the time most of the children on my case list that I had at this school were adopted.   So, I found that so interesting, like, and that was why I went to her seminar to try to understand more that connection of the adoption. And you know, how did that play into some of the problems that these children were, were having.   Laura Dugger: (38:05 - 38:20) Well, and just to go a little bit further with attachment, let's take it from the positive side. What are some proven examples or ways that we can form that healthy attachment with our children and that bonding?   Amy Rienow: (38:21 - 40:38) Yeah, well, a lot of it is just a spending time with your child, you know, and that's why I want to be very gentle here. Cause the world that we live in, I mean, I know for a fact that there are so many moms in situations where they have to go back to work right away. There are difficult circumstances.   And I'm, I am not here to say that then you don't have an attached relationship with child. Cause that is honestly not true. But I will say that if you have any opportunity to be home with your children, please, please, please take that opportunity because your children need that contact with you to form that attachment.   I mean, the number one thing for attachment is presence, time, touch, eye contact, and smiles. I mean, like it is what the baby that interplay that's happening with the baby and the mother and, and the why babies love faces. I mean, like they, we need to have that time with our children.   We need to be the ones to know our children the best that only comes with time. But even a mom who maybe for reasons have to be away from their baby, the important thing is that when you're with them, that you are engaged. You know, I even, I don't have my phone in front of me.   Even the phone takes away attachment. You know, when you're looking at another screen, as opposed to paying attention to that communication with the baby long before they're communicating long for the communicating with words, they are interacting and communicating with you. So, God knew what he's doing when he created mothers with the ability to feed their babies.   Nursing enables attachment, you know, because the baby is dependent on the mother. So, all of these things play into why God created our system the way it is because it was designed not to just physically feed our babies, but to emotionally create this attached, secured relationship where that enables a child to feel safe, feel security.   Laura Dugger: (40:39 - 40:54) Well, that makes me think of another a word that you wisely encourage us. And that is the word affection. So, can you share why this is also important to shower on our children?   Amy Rienow: (40:55 - 43:47) Yes. You know how it is when you become a mom, there's all these new parenting styles out there, things that you get bombarded with, or should I do this? Or, you know, and I think I was really impacted by a Bible, small group where a woman was talking about her six-month-old needing disciplining her six-month-old.   And it hit me really negatively because I just heard a woman who had had like, I think she has 17 children who talked about, you know, there's, you cannot spoil and she used, you cannot spoil anybody under the age of two. I would say it's as much as under three with as far as attention and love and affection, affection, your children need your affection. Again, let's go to how this, how Satan, let's go back to that spiritual battle.   We can keep going back. Cause I often find you can see God's truth with how it's perverted in the world. So, let's look at how we have a sex education system now in so many schools, including in Illinois that tries to teach younger children horrific adult sexual behaviors, correct?   And they are manipulating what needs to, what children do need, which is positive, a non-sexual physical connection with their parents, with their siblings, with aunts and uncles. So, so in some ways I can remember early in my career and either in my development in getting my classes, my masters, you know, in some ways they demonize, you know, like parents are afraid to sometimes have too much physical touch or too much of this because it's almost like, Oh, we can't, you know, we have to make sure our children are more independent, you know, like, like for example, co-sleeping, which builds a lot of affection between parents, which is normal in most cultures and normal throughout history can be viewed as really negative. Like, you know, you gotta get your kid in another room and another, like pushing them out early and yet look at what we see from the world, which is an encroachment of inappropriate touch, inappropriate sexuality at younger and younger ages.   And obviously kids who don't have positive, strong, physical affection are more inclined to fall for Satan's counterfeit. And desire and need touch, but they, they, it's been twisted from the world's perspective.   Laura Dugger: (43:47 - 44:17) Does that make sense? Are you tracking with that? I am.   And it's even making me think of a previous guest, Dr. Gary Chapman, talking about mostly the five love languages of in marriage and how those are displayed. But we also discussed with children and the parent child. And I'm just thinking as you're giving examples of affection, it, it even goes beyond the hugs and kisses and appropriate touch to acts of service and lighting up with them and spending that quality time and all those love languages.   Amy Rienow: (44:18 - 46:16) That's right. As the kids get older, I mean, my, my, we joke about, you know, I have certain sons that, did not want to be touched at all when they were 13, 14. We laughed at my son J.D. like he would want to come give me hugs and he would want to, but it had to always be on his terms.   Like I could never come up, you know what I mean? And how can you, my affection towards him was I'll get you a double cheeseburger. I will make you a milkshake.   That was the way I communicated my affection to him, but it was also my presence in listening to him when he needed to be listening to. There's so many ways as we get older. Right.   And I love Gary Chapman's work as far as like understanding our kids love, love languages, but I'll never forget, you know, I just had JD's wedding and he surprised me with the mother son dance and he had a song ready for me. I'm going to cry again, but it was this wonderful, he had told his siblings that he was probably going to cry on his wedding day when he saw Brooke and when he danced with his mom. And I had so many, and he was really hugging me and holding on and not afraid to be affectionate with me during that dance.   And that's because affection has always been a normal part of our home and a normal part of our relationship. And so, I just want to encourage parents out there not to be afraid of both physical affection when they're young and don't push your child. If your child is needing you or wants hugs, I would say, don't hesitate to give those to them because there is a culture again that pushes kids like, Oh, you shouldn't need that now.   You shouldn't, you're too old for that. Let them determine those boundaries. You give them the hugs and the affection as long as they still want it.   Cause I promise you they're all going to come to a day and they're not gonna want it. And you don't need to worry about if they're looking for that for you, it's a need that, that you can still meet.   Laura Dugger: (46:17 - 46:34) Well, and one other piece of parenting. I know we oftentimes hear mom guilt. I don't know if dads experienced the same thing, but how can we overcome that?   And what do you see as being at the root of struggling with sometimes that false guilt?   Amy Rienow: (46:35 - 49:52) Yes. Well, that I think comes so much again. Well, for me, it came internalized.   I had, I carried some internalized guilt with me, but that's compounded by a culture that puts so many expectations and demands on us as mothers. Where we are bombarded with another ideal, another sense of where we're falling short. And again, I know I keep coming back to the spiritual attack, but the point is I want to lay it out there that sometimes, sometimes moms can feel like, especially in an area, this sounds interesting, but because so many more children have been in daycare or exposed to a lot more developmental things at young ages. If you are like home with your kids, if you feel like, well, gosh, I'm not providing a craft every day.   I'm not, you know, I'm not reading. I went to the library and it literally had this whole campaign on a thousand books before kindergarten. Like, are you kidding me?   And that's the kind of thing. It's like, you're just having a normal mom day and all of a sudden you walk into the library and you get bombarded with what? I'm supposed to read my child a thousand books before, like a new standard that's just put in front of you.   And the enemy uses that to, to make women feel that they're not enough, you know? And first of all, we have to go back to God's word. That says, “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”   And to really understand that, yes, we need to be open to be convicted to sin. But when we are convicted of something that our heavenly father wants us to change, we will experience a freedom and a lightning when we repent. And it'll be like a burden lifted up.   And as soon as you have that revenge, you feel like you've been given a gift. It's not something that's a burden. So, that is always my guide for women.   Like if you are under something that you feel like is a burden that you're carrying around, um, this sense that you're not doing enough or that you're a bad mom, that is not coming from your Heavenly Father. You need to reject that in the name of Jesus Christ, because this sense is clearly from the accuser. The Bible says Satan is an accuser and he stands accusing us, but Jesus is there to, you know, to say, no, that's my child.   They're covered by my love covered by my grace. So, we don't want to live under that over that guilt, bad mom guilt shadow for whatever, you know, God knows our faults. He doesn't expect us not to have faults, and your children are going to have faults and your husband are going to have faults.   So, if we think that the Lord is, you know, carrying around our faults, hanging over this, we need to, we need to be reminded that that's not from him and we have to reject it. And again, we're talking about a spiritual battle. You might have to reject the same lie 20 times a day until you find real freedom from falling for that guilt trap.   Laura Dugger: (49:53 - 50:12) Well, and along those lines, as you talk about engaging in the battle, you encourage us as children to woo our children in this same way that the Lord draws us close to him. So, how can we go and do likewise as the Lord does?   Amy Rienow: (50:12 - 52:09) Woo our children's hearts. Like I think it's important to know that the relationship that we have, our kids will, the more we model our relationship, our parenting off of how our heavenly father parents us, the easier it will be for our kids to kind of what I, I have a visual in my mind that I'm walking with my child's hand and I'm holding Jesus hand and I'm gradually through this parenting, trying to connect my child's hand to Jesus hands.   Like that's the picture that I want to be guiding my parenting, not I'm trying to raise you to be X, Y, Z, da, da, da, da, da. I'm trying to lead you to your Heavenly Savior. So, you're going to walk with Him.   So, Jesus is, you know, there's many components of our relationship with Jesus and the Heavenly Father and Holy spirit. But one of them is that God woos the hearts of his people. When you read scripture, He desired, He's always telling them you walk with Me.   “My burden is easy. My yoke is light.” You know what I mean?   He's, He's showing us this freedom and this love and grace. He's not coming with a sense of, see, you're doing this and this and this and this and this. And that's why. You know what I mean?   Like you see God's everlasting love for his people. And we want to woo our children with that same kind of everlasting love. You know, I always say, say you can, you can demand your kids to obey you.   You can demand your kids to respect you, but no one can demand love. Even our Heavenly Father doesn't demand love. He gives us free will and choice to choose to love him.   And so, we want to remember that with our kids to woo them. We want them to choose to love us. So, we woo our hearts.   You already mentioned Gary Chapman by understanding our kids' love languages. You know, realizing that's part of our job as a parent is to woo their hearts.   Laura Dugger: (52:10 - 53:13) So, I love how you're drawing this out as the Lord being the best parent ever and that we can learn from Him. That was something that I felt like he was really teaching me in my quiet time this week. And I wanted to take it one step further.   So, for me applying that, I just made a note on my phone and now anytime I come across a parenting scripture, I want to put it in this same list and go back and review it and be prayerful that the Lord can change me to be more like Him as a parent. So, I'm just going to share the first verse that inspired me to do this this week is Luke 6:36 and the amplified version again, “Be merciful, responsive, compassionate, tender, just as your Heavenly Father is merciful.” And so, Amy, just as He's a great parent and we can learn from Him, I appreciate you just drawing us back, pointing us to the heart of the Father.   And if we want to continue learning from you after this chat, where would you like to direct us?   Amy Rienow: (53:13 - 55:30) Well, I'd love you to come to our website at visionaryfam.com and listen to us at our podcast, Family Vision. You know, we named it Family Vision kind of like television because television really changed the American family. It did when it first introduced on to the scene and our heart is that family vision.   Our podcasts would help give your family a new vision, a vision from God's word for all that he wants to do in your family. You can also find our books well on our website, but also on Amazon. We have, I brought a couple today, but Not So Perfect Mom: Learning to Embrace What Matters Most, which is what you're talking about today.   And this book is very close to my heart because it really was wonderful. It was the easiest book I've ever written because I just felt like it was being able to talk about how God has worked in my own life and my own journey. And it just was the like culmination of so many conversations I've had with moms like all over the country, but really overseas and over the world.   And we're all battling some of the same exact things. So, I just, I would encourage you to pick up Not So Perfect Mom: Learning to Embrace What Matters Most. And then the other book that is, it's not new, it's called Shine Embracing God's Heart for You.   I'm actually leading a group of women through it on a zoom study right now. Um, but I actually wrote this, originally back in 2005 when I was a youth pastor's wife. Um, but really it's all about kind of what I talked about earlier of just, recognizing how to, to trust and believe the Lord.   I said, you know, wholeheartedly with our head and our hearts and our hands and, and really going back to, you know, keeping God first, identifying idols in our life. So, we, you know, the more that we get our own relationship with the Lord centered and we kind of figured that part out. I feel like everything flows from that in our homes, in our marriage, in our other relationships. So, I highly recommend, um, picking up this shine and there's a prayer journal to go with it.   There's a leader's guide. If you'd like to lead a group and that's all on Amazon or at our website.   Laura Dugger: (55:31 - 55:48) Wonderful. As always we'll add the links to that in the show notes for today's episode and Amy, you already know that we're called The Savvy Sauce because Savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, as my final question for you today, what is your Savvy Sauce?   Amy Rienow: (55:48 - 57:06) I love that question. My Savvy Sauce is actually mentioned in Not So Perfect Mom, but it's when the Lord gave me that quote, “whatever is worth doing is worth doing poorly.” I feel that perfectionism kept me paralyzed so often.   If I couldn't do things exactly the way I thought that they should be in my head, then I was kind of pathetic and wasn't going to do it at all. And so, my encouragement in any area, if you know something is worth doing. Let me give you a practical example really quick on this, even when it comes to like, um, when you're struggling with your marriage. I know I had some issues in my marriage with my husband where I was getting to the point where I didn't even really want to go out on a date, you know, because it was just discouraging and whatever's worth doing is worth doing poorly. So, knowing that, you know, even when my relationships aren't living up to my expectations, or even when I'm feeling hurt, the Lord tells us to press on. Don't, don't stop doing what you know, God wants you to do, um, because you don't think it's living up to your expectations.   Do it. Just do it.   Laura Dugger: (57:07 - 57:38) That's a good word. And Amy, you have so much to share. Our family has benefited so much from the ministry and work that you and Rob do through Visionary Families.   And I am just so grateful for your time and you just to share all of this parenting wisdom. It felt like a mentoring conversation. I loved hearing all the ways that you've been intentional in what you've learned from the Lord. So, thank you for seeking Him.   Thank you for sharing with us and thank you for being my guest.   Amy Rienow: (57:39 - 57:58) Thank you, Laura, for having me. It's been a delight. I love connecting hearts with people who are like-minded.   I love what you're doing with The Savvy Sauce. In fact, my neighbor is one of your devoted followers, and she was so excited to hear about your podcast. So, thank you so much for having me and it's truly an honor and a pleasure to be here.   Laura Dugger: (57:59 - 1:01:13) One more thing before you go, have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you, but it starts with the bad news.   Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved.   We need a savior, but God loved us so much. He made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him.   That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life. We could never live and died in our place for our sin.   This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished. If we choose to receive what he has done for us, Romans 10:9 says, “that if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”   So, you pray with me now. Heavenly father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you.   Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life? We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus name we pray.   Amen. If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me. So, me for him, you get the opportunity to live your life for him.   And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So, you're ready to get started.   First, tell someone, say it out loud, get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes and Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible and I love it.   You can start by reading the book of John. Also get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.   We want to celebrate with you too. So, feel free to leave a comment for us here. If you did make a decision to follow Christ, we also have show notes included where you can read scripture that describes this process.   And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “in the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.   And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

Bindungsstile im Coaching nutzen   "Ich brauche niemanden, ich komme allein zurecht!" – Kennst du diesen Satz von deinen Klient:innen?

La théorie de l'attachement est née des travaux de John Bowlby, dans le contexte de l'après-guerre, et a bouleversé notre compréhension des relations humaines. Inspiré par les recherches de Konrad Lorenz sur l'empreinte des oisons et d'Harry Harlow sur le besoin de contact des bébés singes, Bowlby a démontré que le besoin de sécurité affective est aussi vital que manger ou respirer. Ses observations sur les enfants séparés de leurs parents ont montré combien l'absence de soins affectifs pouvait freiner le développement social, émotionnel et cognitif. Ses travaux ont été confirmés et enrichis par Mary Ainsworth, qui a mis en évidence les trois premiers styles d'attachement grâce à son expérience de la “Strange Situation”, et par Mary Main, qui a identifié l'attachement désorganisé et créé l'Adult Attachment Interview.Aujourd'hui, ces découvertes nous rappellent que l'attachement n'est pas figé : il se construit et se répare tout au long de la vie, dans chaque relation significative.**********Retrouvez le texte de l'épisode sur notre blog.En vous abonnant sur Itunes pour recevoir les notifications et en nous laissant un avis, vous nous envoyez des bulles de bonheur !En suivant notre actu sur FB @2minutesdebonheur et sur insta @2minutesdebonheur, vous profiterez gratuitement de pleins de trucs, d'astuces et de mises en pratique liés au podcast de la semaine.Inscrivez-vous à la newsletter, vous serez ainsi notifié de nos nouveaux épisodes et vous recevrez un bon de réduction de 5% sur notre site.Et surtout, partagez nos épisodes à tous ceux qui veulent prendre le temps d'être heureux !Hébergé par Audiomeans. Visitez audiomeans.fr/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

Cada martes falo coa Psicóloga e sexóloga Verónica Barros de Barros psicoloxía , un espazo no que se abordan cuestións fundamentais do benestar emocional, as dinámicas persoais e as relacións humanas. Un podcast pensado para quen quere reflexionar, conectar coas súas emocións e aprender ferramentas útiles para vivir con máis saúde mental, autenticidade e respeto propio. Hoxe falamos dos mitos sobre a crianza e dos estilos de apego. 🔊"A autonomía é moi boa, pero un bebé pequeno non pode facer outra cousa que chorar, por eso demanda contacto". 🔊"Temos que ir coa evolución do bebé. O contacto físico ven ben a nivel afectivo e fisico". 🔊"Cando o apego está ben establecido, cando sentimos que a nosa referencia sempre vai a estar aí. Como cando temos a sensación de ter unha casa á que voltar". 📢 Moitas ideas sobre como educar ou criar fillos/as veñen da tradición ou de crenzas sen base científica. Algúns exemplos: ✔️ “Coller ao bebé demasiado fai que se volva malcriado” ❌Falso: os bebés precisan contacto, apego e seguridade. A ciencia demostra que o afecto non malcría, senón que fortalece o desenvolvemento emocional. ✔️“O choro fortalece os pulmóns” ❌Falso: deixar chorar sen atender pode xerar inseguridade. O choro é a súa única forma de comunicar necesidades. ✔️“Os nenos aprenden sós a controlarse se non interviñes” ❌A realidade: a autorregulación apréndese primeiro co acompañamento dun adulto, non de xeito espontáneo. ✔️“O castigo físico é unha maneira efectiva de educar” ❌Falso e perigoso: só xera medo e resentimento. O que funciona é a disciplina positiva e o ensino con límites claros e respectuosos. ✔️“O apego é só cousa da nai” ❌Falso: o apego pode establecerse con calquera figura de coidado principal (pais, avós, titores...). 🤝 Estilos de apego Segundo a teoría de John Bowlby e as investigacións posteriores de Mary Ainsworth, o apego é o vínculo emocional que un neno establece coas súas figuras de referencia. Os principais estilos son: 💡Apego seguro ✔️O neno confía en que a súa figura de apego responderá ás súas necesidades. ✔️Desenvólvese cando recibe atención sensible e consistente. ✔️Adultos con este apego: confianza en si mesmos e nos demais, boa capacidade de relación. 💡Apego inseguro-evitativo ✔️O neno evita mostrar necesidades porque aprendeu que non lle fan caso ou que é rexeitado. ✔️De adulto pode tender á autosuficiencia excesiva e dificultades para expresar emocións. 💡Apego inseguro-ambivalente (ou ansioso) ✔️O neno non sabe se recibirá atención ou non, e por iso actúa con ansiedade ou dependencia. ✔️De adulto pode ter medo ao abandono, necesidade constante de aprobación. 💡Apego desorganizado ✔️O neno recibe mensaxes contraditorias: a figura de apego é fonte tanto de coidado como de medo. ✔️Pode darse en situacións de maltrato, abandono ou traumas. ✔️De adulto pode ter relacións caóticas e dificultades na xestión emocional. 👩⚕️BARROS PSICOLOGÍA, Gabinete de psicoloxía especializado en trastornos do espectro autista e TDAH. Terapia individual e familiar, nenos e adolescentes, dificultades de aprendizaxe, problemas emocionais e de conduta, dificultades sexuais, terapia de parella... 👉Máis información BARROS PSICOLOGÍA: ✔️Barros Psicologia: https://www.barrospsicologia.com/ ✔️Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/veronicabarrospsicologia ✔️Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barrospsicologia/ 🎙️Se che gustan os contidos "SUSCRÍBETE" ao podcast👍 👉MÁIS ENTREVISTAS: https://www.ivoox.com/podcast-salta-da-cama_sq_f1323089_1.html 👉Máis Información e outros contidos: ✔️Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PabloChichas ✔️Twitter: https://twitter.com/pablochichas ✔️Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pablochichas/ ✔️ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@pablochichas

Sevgiliniz yanınıızdan gittiğinde içten içe bir terk edilme kaygısı ile onu kontrol etme dürtüsü yaşıyorsanız bu meselenin kökü çok derinlerde olabilir. Bu bölümde, hep birlikte kıskançlık duygusunun derinliklerine iniyoruz. Özellikle borderline tepkiler, bağlanma stillerive nesne sürekliliği ekseni etrafında kıskançlığın ilişkilerde nasıl göründüğünü inceliyoruz.Psikanalitik kuramdan Melanie Klein, Otto Kernberg, Mary Ainsworth ve Bowlby gibi isimlere başvuruyor; bu kuramsal çerçeveyi Gestalt bakış açısı ile harmanlıyoruz.Ayrıca, “bir baharat meselesi” içeren gerçek bir vaka örneğini de teori ile birlikte inceliyoruz.Üçlemenin ikinci bölümü olan bu bölümde detaylı olarak ilişkilere bakıyoruz.Keyifli dinlemeler olsun.

30-Sekunden Zusammenfassung Die Bindungstheorie von John Bowlby beschreibt, wie frühe Beziehungserfahrungen die emotionale und soziale Entwicklung prägen. Mary Ainsworth beobachtet folgende vier Bindungstypen bei Kindern: Sicher, unsicher-vermeidend, unsicher-ambivalent und desorganisiert. Elterliche Feinfühligkeit ist der Hauptfaktor für den Aufbau einer sicheren Bindung des Kindes. Bindungsmuster sind relativ stabil über die Zeit – allerdings können bedeutsame Beziehungserfahrungen oder Trennung, Tod, Krankheit über das Kleinkindalter hinaus zu Veränderung im Bindungstyp führen. Zwei sicher gebundene Erwachsene führen besonders häufig stabile und glückliche Beziehungen.   Buche dir dein kostenfreies Erstgespräch: Fülle 7 Fragen aus und buche dir ein kostenfreies Erstgespräch zur HEARTset-Journey: Hier klicken! Werde zertifizierter HEARTset-Coach: Lerne Menschen auf ihrem Weg zur emotionalen Resilienz professionell zu begleiten: Jetzt Erstgespräch buchen!   Welcher Bindungstyp bin ich? Kostenfreier Test: Hier klicken!   Studien: Bindungsstörungen: Von der Bindungstheorie zur Therapie: Hier klicken! The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth: Hier klicken! AINSWORTH'S STRANGE SITUATION PROCEDURE: THE ORIGIN OF AN INSTRUMENT: Hier klicken! Attachment security in infancy and early adulthood: a twenty-year longitudinal study: Hier klicken! Adult attachment and romantic partner preference: A review: Hier klicken!

EPISODE 215 Your attachment style, is a psychological blueprint that influences how you relate to others. Attachment theory was developed by British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, John Bowlby and later expanded by American-Canadian developmental psychologist, Mary Ainsworth. Attachment theory is based on how you bonded with your primary caregivers (e.g., your mother, grandmother, aunt, father, etc.) which tends to mirror how you bond with others as an adult. There are four types of personal and professional attachment styles: (1) secure; (2) anxious; (3) avoidant; and (4) disorganized. Attachment style is very important in your personal life. Attachment style plays a surprisingly powerful role in your professional life as well. Your professional attachment style influences leadership, communication, collaboration, negotiation, and even how you handle success or failure. How can you change your current personal or professional attachment style? Creating a new attachment style by rewiring your own emotional habits allows you to create healthier connections and build new relationships in a new way to create a positive impact in your own life. Out There on the Edge of Everything®… Stephen Lesavich, PhD Copyright © 2025 by Stephen Lesavich, PhD.  All rights reserved. Certified solution-focused life coach and experienced business coach. #attachment #attachmentstyle #selfhelp #motivation #personalgrowth #business #businesscoach #lifecoach #lesavich

Maria Esguerra escaped the Children of God at the age of 22 with her two children who have disabilities. Maria's firsthand experience drives her passion to support fellow survivors of cults and institutions, advocating for specialised understanding, interventions and access to governmental schemes such as Redress. Maria has actively engaged in media and advocacy efforts to raise awareness about the challenges faced by people escaping coercive environments. She founded a support group for second and multi-generational survivors (also referred to as SGAs or MGAs) from all cults. It addresses the devastating impacts from these groups, including abuse, denial of basic rights and forced labour. Maria is also a psychologist and the founder of Assessable.Links:Maria Esguerra — LinktreeMaria Esguerra — Director at AssessableDecult profile — Maria's information at the recent Decult ConferenceI lived under the so-called 'law of love' and it was terrifying – cult survivor — by Ryan Boswell, 1News, 17 October 2024CIFS Australia — Cult Information & Family SupportThe Olive Leaf NetworkEscaping Utopia — by Janja Lalich & Karla McLaren, Routledge, 2017The Strange Situation Experiment — more about Mary Ainsworth's work on attachment theoryErikson's stages of psychosocial development — more about Erik Erikson's workMake it Meaningful: How to find purpose in life and work — by Debbie Haski-Leventhal, Simon & Schuster, 2023Walking Free from the Trauma of Coercive, Cultic and Spiritual Abuse: A Workbook for Recovery and Growth — by Gillie Jenkinson, Routledge, 2023Stop Religious Coercion Australia — Advocacy group started by a former Geelong Revival Centre memberWriting to Reckon — Gerette Buglion's workshops, retreats, journal, and moreYou can support us on Patreon. Sarah Steel's book Do As I Say is available on audiobook. Subscribe and support the production of this independent podcast, and you can access early + ad-free episodes at https://plus.acast.com/s/lets-talk-about-sects. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let us hear from you!Have you ever wondered about kids whose behaviors don't neatly fit into traditional attachment theory categories? Those are the "unclassifiable" children first observed by Mary Ainsworth during her "Strange Situation" tests. This video looks at how these unclassifiable reactions led researcher Mary Main to identify a new attachment style known as "disorganized attachment."For more resources and in-depth courses visit www.coparentacademy.com.Have questions or comments? We'd love to hear from you! Send them to ron@coparentacademy.com.

In this episode, Jackie is a guest on The Wholeness Network with Mechelle Wingle. This conversation delves into attachment theory, exploring its origins with John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, the different attachment styles, and their implications in various relationships, including family, friendships, and romantic partnerships. The discussion emphasizes the importance of understanding one's attachment style for personal growth and improving relationships.  Ultimately, they explore the concept of wholeness in therapy, advocating for an integrated approach to mental health.

Let us hear from you!Watch this episode on YouTube:  https://youtu.be/YwBdKE9cSOUDo you ever worry about whether your child feels secure with you—or with your coparent? You're not alone. While there isn't a simple questionnaire to measure a child's sense of security, attachment theory provides valuable insights into how children form relationships with their caregivers.In this episode, we discuss the Strange Situation—a groundbreaking assessment developed by Mary Ainsworth to evaluate a child's attachment style. We break down what different attachment styles reveal about the parent-child relationship and their long-term effects on emotional well-being.Key Takeaways:

Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns? Whether it's constant worry about abandonment or a tendency to keep people at arm's length, these behaviors - known as attachment styles - aren't set in stone. In part one of this two-part series, therapist Tony Overbay examines the science of attachment theory, tracing its development from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's pioneering "Strange Situation" experiment to current research demonstrating how people can actually change their relationship patterns. Through clinical examples and accessible explanations, Tony breaks down how early experiences with caregivers create blueprints that influence adult relationships - and more importantly, why these patterns can evolve. Tony explains how understanding attachment style connects to emotional maturity and self-awareness. Listeners will learn about different attachment patterns, how they manifest in daily life, and why these early-developed patterns aren't a reflection of personal failure - they emerged before conscious choice was possible. This episode provides the foundation for a deeper exploration of attachment style change and relationship transformation. For anyone dealing with trust issues, abandonment fears, or struggles with emotional intimacy, the discussion offers concrete insights into becoming more secure in relationships. Part 2 will delve into specific strategies for building secure attachments and showing up differently in relationships. As Tony often says, "You're not broken, you're human" - and humans have a remarkable capacity for growth. 00:00 Welcome Back and New Beginnings 00:28 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Maturity 02:05 Personal Struggles and Emotional Growth 04:40 Podcast Updates and Future Plans 06:59 Introduction to Attachment Theory 10:06 The Strange Situation Experiment 12:28 Attachment Styles and Their Impact 17:25 Early Childhood and Relationship Templates 21:04 Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood 22:07 The Painful Dance of Intimacy 23:52 The Role of Fathers in Attachment 24:37 Presence and Radiance: A Father's Influence 26:18 Emotional Safety and Consistency 29:31 Navigating Emotions and Independence 39:53 Challenges of Absent Fathers 44:12 Healing Attachment Wounds 44:33 Conclusion and Next Steps Find more from Tony Overbay: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/ Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998 Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Hvor går egentlig grensen mellom å gi barnet store mengder trygghet, kjærlighet og beskyttelse, og samtidig skape rom for at barnet skal utvikle seg til å bli et selvstendig og trygt individ. Når tipper dette over til å bli overbeskyttende?  Her besvarer vi et spørsmål fra en kjærlig far, som ønsker å gi barnet sitt alt - men som også undrer seg over hans egen bakgrunn:  Kan den litt "harde" barndommen ha gitt meg noe positivt?   Å lære barna om følelser er noe av det beste du kan gjøre som foreldre. Vise dem at ingen følelser er farlig og være en trygg favn de kan falle i når de tråkker litt feil.  For det vil skje - det er kun et spørsmål om tid. Vi kommer som alltid med våre personlige erfaringer og reflekterer også over spørsmålene om trygghet, kjærlighet og den potensielle verdien av utfordringer i oppveksten  Barns emosjonelle behov – spesielt behovet for trygghet, kjærlighet og bekreftelse,  er helt avgjørende for en sunn utvikling. Forskning viser at disse elementene bidrar til barns kognitive og emosjonelle utvikling, samt til deres evne til å bygge sunne relasjoner i voksenlivet. Psykologer som Daniel Siegel og Gabor Maté har utforsket hvordan trygg tilknytning og følelsesmessig støtte spiller en sentral rolle i barns utvikling og psykiske helse. Vi tar utgangspunkt i noen kjente teorier fra blant annet: Daniel Siegel, kjent for sitt arbeid med barns hjerneutvikling, hevder at trygg tilknytning danner grunnlaget for hvordan barn oppfatter seg selv og verden rundt dem. Når barn føler seg trygge, kan de utforske omgivelsene sine, utvikle selvtillit og bygge en indre stabilitet. Dette skjer gjennom relasjoner der foreldre er sensitive og responsive til barnets behov. Tilknytningsteori, utviklet av John Bowlby og senere utvidet av Mary Ainsworth, understreker at barn som har et trygt bånd til omsorgspersonene sine, er bedre rustet til å håndtere stress og motgang. Gabor Maté har fokusert på hvordan mangel på kjærlighet og bekreftelse kan påvirke barn negativt, spesielt når det gjelder oppvekst under vanskelige forhold. Han mener at barn som opplever kjærlighet og emosjonell bekreftelse fra foreldrene, utvikler en sterk følelse av egenverd. Dette kan beskytte dem mot psykiske utfordringer senere i livet. Bekreftelse handler om å se barnet for den det er – med alle sine følelser og behov – og gi dem rom til å uttrykke disse på en trygg måte. I tillegg til trygghet og kjærlighet understreker både Siegel og Maté viktigheten av emosjonell støtte og foreldrenes evne til å mentalisere. Mentalisering er foreldrenes evne til å forstå og reflektere over barnets indre tilstand. Daniel Siegel kaller dette "mindsight," evnen til å gjenkjenne og forstå både egne og andres følelser. Dette hjelper barn å regulere sine egne følelser, da de får oppleve at følelsene deres blir møtt og anerkjent.  Her er noen praktiske råd: Vær sensitiv og responsiv: Lytt til barnet og prøv å møte dem med åpenhet, spesielt når de viser sårbarhet. Vis empati og aksept: Anerkjenn barnets følelser uten å dømme eller bagatellisere dem. Dette viser at følelsene deres har verdi. Gi regelmessig oppmuntring og bekreftelse: Ros innsats og følelser, ikke bare prestasjoner. Dette bygger indre motivasjon og en sunn selvfølelse. Mentalisering: Reflekter rundt barnets følelser sammen med dem. Dette hjelper dem med å forstå og håndtere sine egne følelser bedre. Forskningen til Siegel og Maté, sammen med andre forskere innen tilknytningsteori og emosjonell utvikling, viser hvordan trygghet, kjærlighet og bekreftelse er avgjørende for å støtte barns helhetlige vekst. Barn som får disse grunnleggende behovene oppfylt, utvikler evner til selvregulering, empati og sosialt engasjement – egenskaper som er sentrale i et meningsfullt voksenliv Ved å gi barn rom til å føle seg trygge og sett, legger vi et sterkt grunnlag for deres psykiske helse, motstandskraft og evne til å håndtere utfordringer i livet.   Spørsmål til egen refleksjon og samtale med partneren din: Hva er det viktigste du vil at barnet ditt skal føle i oppveksten? Hvordan påvirker dine egne opplevelser som barn måten du oppdrar dine egne barn på? Hvordan kan du best hjelpe barnet ditt med å utvikle selvstendighet og motstandsdyktighet?

Bindung ist die Grundlage vieler heutiger Erziehungsstile, doch was hat es mit Bindung überhaupt auf sich. Woher kommt die Bindungstheorie und gibt es so etwas wie eine Bindung wirklich?

Unlock the secrets of your relationship dynamics  as we take a deep dive into the world of attachment styles. Ever wondered why some relationships feel secure while others are filled with uncertainty? Join us as we explore the foundations laid by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, tracing how our earliest bonds with caregivers shape our adult connections. Discover how understanding these patterns can empower you to break free from generational cycles and foster healthier, more secure attachments. This episode offers not just insights but a promise of transformation, guiding you towards more fulfilling relationships and a deeper sense of self-awareness.As we journey through the intricacies of secure and anxious attachment styles, you'll find yourself reflecting on your own relationship patterns. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, we shed light on emotional intelligence and the importance of self-awareness as cornerstones of personal growth. Whether you're navigating the emotional roller coaster of an anxious attachment or striving for the balance of a secure one, this discussion promises to enhance your understanding and inspire positive change. Remember, self-improvement is a continuous journey, and while this podcast provides guidance, seeking professional help when necessary is crucial. Tune in for an episode that's both enlightening and empowering, and embark on a journey towards healthier, more balanced connections.Send us a text❤️ Are you codependent? Take a Codependency Quiz, https://thecodependentdoctor.com/quiz/✨Please contact me for any questions, comments or ideas for future episodes at codependentdoctor@gmail.com

In this hair raising episode of Put Em On The Couch, we explore the psychology of fear, starting with a chilling reflection on the 1966 mass shooting at the University of Texas. Join me and co-host Nelson as we discuss a range of fears—rational and irrational—beginning with John B. Watson's infamous experiments. Nelson shares his thrill-seeking experiences, while I confront existential fears like extinction and loss of autonomy, drawing on Mary Ainsworth's research in developmental psychology. We also examine Chapman University's latest survey revealing Americans' top fears, including cyberterrorism and corrupt government officials, and how political leaders use fear to manipulate. Our conversation delves into the biology of fear, particularly the role of the amygdala, and the difference between fear and anxiety. We explore quirky irrational fears and the therapeutic potential of fear experiences, as highlighted by researcher Margee Kerr. As we wrap up, we encourage listeners to transform their fears into action as we approach the election, emphasizing the importance of staying engaged and empowered. Tune in for an enlightening exploration of fear—its origins, consequences, and how we can navigate it in our lives! Listen now and confront your fears with us!

Rachel Teichman, LMSW, explains the psychological experiment known as the Strange Situation, which examines attachment in infants, while Victor Varnado, KSN, adds his take on how this study has influenced parenting. Part one of this discussion focuses on the experimental setup and the groundbreaking findings by psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Tune in for a deep dive into developmental psychology.Produced and hosted by Victor Varnado & Rachel TeichmanFull Wikipedia article here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_situationSubscribe to our new newsletter, WikiWeekly at https://newsletter.wikilisten.com/ for a fun fact every week to feel smart and impress your friends, and MORE! https://www.patreon.com/wikilistenpodcastFind us on social media!https://www.facebook.com/WikiListenInstagram @WikiListenTwitter @Wiki_ListenGet bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you Anxious in connections? Avoidant to your current partner? Perhaps you're not moving from a place of a Secure attachment style. Today's episode, we are diving into the findings of Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby. After reading the book 'Attached' and going through my own relationship turbulence, I have learnt about attachment styles more deeply, and would love to share my findings with you. How to heal your anxious attachment style is a commonly asked question, and in today's episode, I am sharing my own, or others', tips and tricks to moving toward a Secure attachment style. I hope it helps! See you all next week, Dom x

In the labyrinth of human relationships, the extent to which we reveal or conceal our past experiences can profoundly shape the quality of our connections. This essay explores the intricate dynamics of being a "partially open book" in intimate relationships, drawing from the insights of renowned thinkers such as Krishnamurti, Dr. David R. Hawkins, Robert Anton Wilson, Babette Rothchild, Thomas Campbell, Iyanla VanZant, Amit Goswami, Queen Afua, Eckhart Tolle, Ross Rosenberg, Wayne Dyer, Paramahansa Yogananda, John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Sri Yukteswar, and others.

Understanding Disorganized Attachment with Talia Bombola, LMFT | The Blueprint Podcast Description: In this insightful episode of The Blueprint Podcast, host Jason Smith welcomes licensed marriage and family therapist Talia Bombola to discuss the complexities of disorganized attachment. Talia provides a deep dive into this often misunderstood attachment style, drawing from her extensive training in psychoanalysis and her therapeutic practice. Key Topics Discussed: Introduction to Disorganized Attachment: Talia explains the origins and characteristics of disorganized attachment, referencing the foundational research of Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby. Impact of Childhood Experiences: A detailed exploration of how chaotic and alarm-inducing interactions with primary caregivers shape disorganized attachment, highlighting the prevalence and consequences of such experiences. Behavioral Manifestations: Understanding the unique push-pull dynamics in relationships and the psychological defenses that individuals with disorganized attachment develop to cope with childhood trauma. Comparison with Other Attachment Styles: Differentiating disorganized attachment from avoidant and anxious attachment styles, focusing on the absence of consistent caregiving models and the resulting relational patterns. Challenges in Relationships: Discussing the difficulties faced by individuals with disorganized attachment in forming secure, healthy relationships and the potential for relationship sabotage driven by unresolved trauma. Therapeutic Approaches: Insight into effective therapeutic strategies for managing and healing disorganized attachment, including the importance of therapy in achieving earned secure attachment. Personal and Relational Growth: Emphasizing the significance of self-awareness and therapeutic support in overcoming disorganized attachment and fostering healthier relational dynamics. Join Jason and Talia as they navigate the intricate world of disorganized attachment, providing valuable perspectives for anyone looking to understand this attachment style better, whether for personal insight or professional development. Subscribe & Follow: Don't miss out on future episodes of The Blueprint Podcast! Subscribe and follow us on YouTube for more expert insights and engaging discussions. Connect with Us: Host: Jason Smith Guest: Talia Bombola, LMFT Social Media Links: Follow The Blueprint Podcast on Instagram, and Facebook. Contact Us: Have questions or topics you'd like us to cover? Reach out through my Stan Store! Disclaimer: The training is intended for informational and educational purposes, it is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, and/or treatment. Please consult your medical professional before making changes to your diet, exercise routine, medical regimen, lifestyle, and/or mental health care. Your background, education, experience, and work ethic may differ. There is no guarantee of success. Individuals do not track the typicality of its student's experiences. Your results may vary. https://988lifeline.org/

In the exciting second season finale of ESG Unlocked, we are delighted to introduce a dynamic panel of experts representing three generations. They share their insights, experiences researching, and perspectives working within a workforce spanning five generations. Hosted by Pamela Mutumwa, our esteemed guests include Dr. Joanna Massey, a Board Chair, Director and Management Consultant; Mary Ainsworth, Chief People Officer at Blackline; and Riley Alvis, an Account Executive at ISS-Corporate. Together, they bring a wealth of knowledge and expertise, delving into the challenges, opportunities, and benefits of a diverse age range in the workplace. Tune in as they share their varying generational experiences and explore how companies can embrace these differences to foster a safe, sustainable, and successful work environment.Host: Pamela MutumwaGuests: Dr. Joanna Massey, Mary Ainsworth, Riley Alvis

Today, you'll learn about how our perception of when old age hits is changing, a baby's response to a happy face, and the housekeeping habits of neanderthals. When is Old Age? “Perception of when old age starts has increased over time, shows study.” by Nicola Davis. 2024. “Psychology and Aging.” APA PsycNet database. 2024. “The shift from old age to very old age: an analysis of the perception of aging among older people.” by Emile Escourrou, et al. 2022. Sensative Mothers “Researchers uncover link between maternal sensitivity and infant brain responses to happy faces.” by Eric W. Dolan. 2024. “Mary Ainsworth's legacy: a systematic review of observational instruments measuring parental sensitivity.” by Judi Mesman & Rosanneke A G Emmen. 2013. “Love on the developing brain: Maternal sensitivity and infants' neural responses to emotion in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex.” by Jessica A. Stern, et al. 2024. Neanderthal Homes “Study: Just Like Homo sapiens, Neanderthals Organized Their Living Space in Structured Way.” Sci News News Staff. 2024. “Study Compares Neanderthal and Modern Human Living Spaces.” Archaeology. 2024. “Homo Sapiens and Neanderthal Use of Space at Riparo Bombrini (Liguria, Italy).” by Amelie Vallerand, et al. 2022. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you possess an avoidant attachment style, you might find that your voice grows louder in moments of distress, and you may become critical or demanding. This tendency can often lead you to focus predominantly on the negatives within your relationship, making it difficult to recognize positive aspects unless the relationship ends. Interestingly, these behaviors are often subconscious strategies aimed at creating a sense of safety, yet they can inadvertently distance you from your partner. This may leave you questioning why you react so and wondering if something is fundamentally wrong with you. It's important to understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Your behaviors are adaptations from your childhood experiences, which can be addressed and healed. If you ever feel perplexed by your actions and reactions, I encourage you to listen to this episode. Enjoy! Jen Resources: To learn more about the basics of attachment theory, listen to Episode 1. EP1 - Five Things You Need to Know About Attachment Theory https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/podcasts/psychotherapy-central/episodes/2148037195 To learn more about the basics of avoidant attachment, listen to Episode 2. EP 2 - Avoidant Attachment Explained https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/podcasts/psychotherapy-central/episodes/2148041419 Extra Resources Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon One-on-one Therapy Sessions with Jen or her Team: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/bookings Meet Your Inner Child Course: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/meet-your-inner-child-registration FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Also, join Jen in her exclusive online program to help you heal from an insecure attachment style and break repeating patterns in your relationships: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/rcb-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Connect on socials: • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central • Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central • Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral • Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/psychotherapycentral • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-nurick-psychotherapist

Hey everybody - Travis here - today I am excited to dive into a foundational concept in psychology that's pivotal for personal growth and relationships - Attachment Theory! While we don't have a guest on today's episode, I will guide you through this enriching topic.In this episode, we're going to explore some fundamental areas:1. **Origins and Founders of Attachment Theory**: We delve into the mid-20th century work of British psychologist John Bowlby, often regarded as the father of attachment theory. Bowlby focused on the bond between the child and caregiver and how these early relationships impact emotional and psychological development throughout one's life. Plus, we'll discuss how Mary Ainsworth expanded on Bowlby's work with her famous Strange Situation experiment, which classified different attachment styles.2. **Types of Attachment Styles**: Understanding the four primary attachment styles - Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) - and how each style manifests in relationships and personal behavior. We'll also touch on how these styles influence conflict resolution and mental well-being.3. **Impact on Relationships and Mental Health**: How your attachment style affects your interactions, conflict management, and overall mental health. Securely attached individuals tend to have better stress management and healthier conflict resolution, while those with insecure attachment styles may struggle more in relationships and mental health scenarios.Challenge Question: Reflecting on your personal relationships, can you identify any patterns that point to a specific attachment style you may have? How do these patterns influence your interactions and conflict resolutions with loved ones?So grab a notebook, because you're going to want to take notes as we navigate this complex yet crucial aspect of personal development. And remember, understanding your attachment style can be the first step towards healing, growth, and more fulfilling relationships.SUPPORT THE SHOW:CLICK HERE!JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!CLICK HERE: MAILING LISTWATCH ON YOUTUBE:WATCH HEREConnect and Support Travis:YouTube: Travis GoodmanInstagram: @integratedmanprojectCheck out the Website: TBD

When you possess an anxious attachment style, you might find that your voice grows louder in moments of distress, and you may become critical or demanding. This tendency can often lead you to focus predominantly on the negatives within your relationship, making it difficult to recognize positive aspects unless the relationship ends. Interestingly, these behaviors are often subconscious strategies aimed at creating a sense of safety, yet they can inadvertently distance you from your partner. This may leave you questioning why you react so and wondering if something is fundamentally wrong with you. It's important to understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Your behaviors are adaptations from your childhood experiences, which can be addressed and healed. If you ever feel perplexed by your actions and reactions, I encourage you to listen to this episode. Resources: To learn more about the basics of anxious attachment, listen to Episode 3. EP 3 Anxious Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623929027 Extra Resources Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Also, join Jen in her exclusive online program to help you heal from an insecure attachment style and break repeating patterns in your relationships: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/rcb-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Connect on socials: • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central • Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central • Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral • Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/psychotherapycentral • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-nurick-psychotherapist

Discover the transformative power of secure attachment in our latest podcast episode, "The Mindset of Secure Attachment." Hosted by Jennifer Nurick, a seasoned psychotherapist. This episode delves into how developing a secure attachment can significantly enhance your relationships and self-awareness. This episode explores five key aspects of secure attachment. Jennifer provides in-depth analysis and practical advice on cultivating these traits in your life, explaining how they lead to more stable, reliable connections and a healthier, more positive self-image. Listeners will learn how secure attachment allows for self-reliance and meaningful closeness with others, helps manage and express emotions constructively, and encourages a reflective mindset that embraces growth and learning from mistakes. This episode is not only insightful but also offers practical benefits that can improve your interpersonal relationships and personal development. Whether you want to deepen your connections or enhance your emotional intelligence, "The Mindset of Secure Attachment" provides valuable guidance and support. Tune in to build more satisfying and resilient relationships and enhance your journey towards personal fulfilment. Connect with Jennifer on Instagram for personalised advice and insights. Let's grow together in understanding and implementing the principles of secure attachment. Enjoy the show! Resources: To learn more about the basics of attachment, listen to my earlier episodes: Ep 1: 5 Things You Need to Know About Attachment Theory https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623522185 EP 2 Avoidant Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623584769 EP 3 Anxious Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623929027 EP 4 Disorganized Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000624299907 Extra Resources Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Also, join Jen in her exclusive online program to help you heal from an insecure attachment style and break repeating patterns in your relationships: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/rcb-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Connect on socials: • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central • Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central • Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral • Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/psychotherapycentral • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-nurick-psychotherapist

Over half a century, Sarah Blaffer Hrdy has challenged many of our myths about parenting, attachment, and "human nature". In this conversation, we dive into her remarkable career, culminating in her new book, Father Time. [You can now order Father Time via Amazon or Princeton Uni Press] We discuss a variety of topics, from hunter-gatherer parenting to the limitations of comparing humans to chimpanzees. We also discuss "allomothers", attachment theory, and the tragedy of infanticide. We finish with a discussion on the remarkable social changes in fatherhood and the neuroscience that has enabled it. As always, we finish with Hrdy's reflections on humanity. Timestamps 04:15 Myths 10:11 Attachment Theory  20:53 Hunter-Gatherers 24:35 Modern Parenting  26:04 Infanticide  34:00 Monkey parenting (in South America) 36:10 Why we share  40:00 Husbands or aunties? 43:10 Father Brains ANNOUNCEMENT I'm writing a book! It is about the history of humans, for readers of all ages. Do you want access to early drafts? Become a member on Patreon.com/OnHumans⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LINKS Want to support the show? Checkout ⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/OnHumans⁠⁠⁠⁠ Want to read and not just listen? Get the newsletter on ⁠⁠⁠⁠OnHumans.Substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ MENTIONS Terms: allomothers, mobile hunter-gatherers (i.e. immediate return foragers), matrilineal and patrilineal kin Names: Edward O. Wilson, Robert Trivers, John Bowlby, John Watson, Charles Darwin, Mary Ainsworth, Melvin Konner, Barry Hewlett, Nikhil Chaudhary (#34), Nancy Howell, Martin Daly, Margot Wilson, Amanda Reese, Judith Burkart, Carl Von Schaik, Alessandra Cassar, Ivan Jablonka, Kristen Hawkes (#6), Ruth Feldman (#3), Richard Lee

Apego não é papo de hoje, embora desapego pareça que sim. Em 1950 os psicanalistas John Bowlby e Mary Ainsworth desenvolveram a chamada Teoria de Apego. Eles estudaram de que forma os bebês se comportavam ao serem separados dos seus cuidadores e dividiram esse sentimento em quatro “tipos” vamos dizer assim: apego seguro, ansioso, evitativo e desorganizado. E o que nós, mulheres adultas, temos a ver com isso? Pois bem. Lá pela década de 1980, os psicólogos Cindy Hazan e Phillip Shaver descobriram que os adultos exibiam padrões de relacionamento semelhantes em suas relações. Em 2010, Amir Levine e Rachel Heller, transformaram isso em um livro e, claro, em uma hashtag: estilo de apego. Eles revelam que há indícios da evolução humana, inclusive, neste tipos de apego. Segundo eles, “há vantagens evolutivas em sermos mais sensíveis a ameaças ou em sermos mais independentes”. Vimos a febre desse termo por aí e pensamos: será que apego é só ruim? O excesso de desapego pode nos levar a posturas egocêntricas ou ampliar a sensação de solidão? Não temos a menor condição de ter esse papo sozinhas! Estamos muitíssimo bem acompanhadas pela psicanalista e mestre em psicologia pela USP, Fabiana Villas-Boas. ------------------ APOIE O PODCAST! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.apoia.se/donasdaptoda⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- O ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Donas da P* Toda⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ é um podcast independente. Produção, roteiro e apresentação: Larissa Guerra e Marina Melz. Edição e tratamento de áudio: Bruno Stolf. Todas as informações em ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.donasdaptoda.com.br⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ e ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@donasdaptoda⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Vamos conversar? Larissa Guerra: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@larissavguerra⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Marina Melz: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@marinamelz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Bruno Stolf: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@brunostolf⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Join hosts Andrew and Lara as they delve into the intricate world of romantic relationship attachment styles. Unpacking the groundbreaking theories of psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, the duo explores how the quality of our early caregiver relationships shapes our intimate adult connections. Discover the four main romantic relationship attachment styles - secure, anxious, avoidant-dismissive, and disorganized - and learn how each influences how we navigate intimacy, trust, and conflict. Through engaging discussions and relatable stories, Andrew and Lara shed light on the complexities of our relationships, offering valuable insights into why we love the way we do. Whether seeking to understand your attachment style or enhance your relationships, this episode provides practical tips and strategies for building healthier, more fulfilling connections. Tune in to unlock the secrets of romantic attachment and embark on a journey towards deeper self-awareness and emotional growth. Listen to the full episode now.  To read the Healthy Wealthy Wise Artist podcast show notes, Head here Copy the URL: https://larabiancapilcher.com/2024/04/09/whats-your-relationship-attachment-style-discover-why-you-love-how-you-do/

Healing from the invisible wounds of childhood trauma is a journey many embark on, but few speak about with such candor and depth as we do on our podcast. Anchored by the emotionally resonant words of Antoine Fisher's poetry, our latest episode explores the profound effects of early adversities and the resilient spirit that can emerge in the face of such challenges. Drawing from my learnings in a recent class on adolescent and child psychology, I weave a narrative of hope and potential for recovery, inviting listeners to understand the complexities of trauma through a lens of compassion and knowledge.As we navigate the terrain of a child's psyche, we confront the developmental repercussions of trauma and its insidious ability to mold behaviors and relationships. The episode takes an earnest look at the significance of attachment styles rooted in the pioneering theories of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, uncovering the lasting impact of our formative bonds. Such discussions are not just academic; they serve as a beacon for those striving to comprehend their own life stories or seeking to support the vulnerable young souls around them.Concluding with a soul-stirring chapter on faith and hope, I reach out to listeners with reassurances of intrinsic worth and the promise of unwavering love. Sharing my own tales of survival and the life-affirming presence of Jesus, I aim to embolden you to find solace and strength within your own narrative. As we press pause on the conversation, remember that the threads of support and understanding are ever-present, ready to be picked up and woven into a tapestry of healing when we return. Join us as we continue to share heartfelt dialogues that shine light into the overlooked corners of our lives.You ARE:SEEN KNOWN HEARD LOVED VALUED

Ever felt tethered to the past by invisible threads, unsure why your relationships mirror a dance of anxiety, anger, and neediness?  I'm here to explain how the bonds forged in our earliest years shape the way we love, parent, and connect with the world. Our 4-week series through attachment styles starts with the anxious type, revealing how it can subtly dictate our life choices and relationships. Weaving together insights from pioneers like John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, this conversation is a treasure trove for those seeking to understand the delicate interplay between childhood experiences and adult relationships, particularly the less-discussed perks of having an anxious attachment style and the transformative path toward 'earned secure attachment.'This episode is not just about theory; it's a roadmap to self-discovery and healing, particularly for anyone navigating the aftermath of a divorce or striving for healthier partnerships. We'll explore the magnetic pull between anxious attaches and avoidant partners who heighten their insecurities, a paradox that often leads to heartache. It's not all about challenges—there's a silver lining where vulnerability becomes our greatest strength, and an anxious attachment style serves as a community's early warning system. By the end, you'll be equipped with a fresh perspective on how to recalibrate your attachment compass, leading to relationships that aren't just sustainable but deeply rewarding.Loneliness Roadmap on HeartBeatPost Divorce Roadmap - 21 Days of Guided JournalingFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawnInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnwiggins/On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction in the process of forgiveness.

Dagens episode skal blant annet handle om tilknytningsteori, men det skal også handle om tillitsbrudd i viktige relasjoner. Jeg skal snakke om hva som skjer når barn blir sviktet av sine omsorgspersoner og hvordan deres reaksjoner kan ligne reaksjonene til voksne mennesker som blir sviktet. Jeg skal zoome inn på utroskap og hvilke utfordringer som dukker opp når to mennesker skal forsøke å gjenopprette samliv og tillit etter utroskap, og jeg skal innom ulike varianter av utroskap, men alt sammen skal rammes inn i tilknytningsteorien basert på studier av John Bolwby, Mary Ainsworth og mange flere. Som avslutning på dagens episode skal jeg også presentere en ganske interessant liste. Det er nemlig en kjent samlivsekspert og psykologiprofessor som har laget en liste med 15 spørsmål som du kan stille deg selv om din egen relasjon. Dette er et slags svar på et spørsmål denne eksperten, som heter Gary W. Lewandowski får oftest, nemlig«Hvordan vet jeg at jeg er i et forhold med den riktige personen?»Lewandowski er altså parekspert, psykologiprofessor ved Monmouth University i New Jersey, og grunnlegger av nettsiden Science of Relationships.Nå har professoren satt sammen en liste med 15 spørsmål, som skal hjelpe folk å finne svar på dette dilemmaet: Er jeg sammen med rett person? Hvis du lurer på det, kan du få med deg smørbrødlista over relasjonelle spørsmål som gir deg svaret. Hvis du svarer Ja på alle 15 spørsmålene, så er du ganske trygg. Men først skal vi altså gjennom en tilknytningsteoretisk episode av SinnSyn. Velkommen skal du være! Få tilgang til ALT ekstramateriale som medlem på SinnSyns Mentale Helsestudio via SinnSyn-appen her: https://www.webpsykologen.no/et-mentalt-helsestudio-i-lomma/ eller som Patreon-Medlem her: https://www.patreon.com/sinnsyn. For reklamefri pod og bonus-episoder kan du bli SinnSyn Pluss abonnent her https://plus.acast.com/s/sinnsyn. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you are avoidantly attached, dating can feel like a complete minefield. You might have had people tell you that you are aloof, a closed book, secretive or not open to a relationship, even when you would like a relationship more than anything else. Moving into deeper intimacy can feel terrifying, whether you acknowledge it and are aware of it or not. Often, it is part of your subconscious that blocks intimacy before you have any conscious say in the matter. This can be incredibly frustrating and painful for you and your partner. It can be a confusing time. In this episode, Jen discusses the four factors that make dating difficult for the avoidantly attached and her 9 top tips for dating when you have an avoidant attachment adaptation. Resources: To learn more about avoidant and anxious adaptions - listen to Episodes 2 and 3. EP 2 Avoidant Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623584769 EP 3 Anxious Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623929027 Extra Resources Heal Your Anxious Attachment by Jennifer Nurick Attachment by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Follow Jen on: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral Visit my website: www.psychotherapycentral.health

Elevated Man Podcast with Apollonia Ponti  Dating A Woman With A Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style! (Make Her WANT You MORE) Do you feel like the woman you're dating is not fully there? Do you see that sometimes, when things get serious, she pulls away? If you ever see her doing the push and pull, but she is not fully committed, Then you might be dating a Fearful-Avoidant, Attachment-style woman. In this podcast episode, Apollonia Ponti delves into the intricacies of dating a woman with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, shedding light on strategies to enhance your appeal and foster a more profound connection while dating a fearful-avoidant attachment style woman.  Apollonia has worked with many clients to see a pattern in a man dating a fearful-avoidant woman.  However, by offering insights into the dos and don'ts of navigating a relationship with a woman exhibiting fearful-avoidant attachment tendencies, Apollonia provides valuable guidance on establishing and sustaining a lasting bond. She will give you essential advice for those currently dating a woman with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, including effective communication techniques to prevent unintentionally creating distance in the relationship. So, if you're struggling to date a woman with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, how do you know if you're dating a fearful-avoidant attachment style woman, and how do you finally open her up? Then, this is the podcast episode for you! Key points in this episode: 0:33 - Apollonia talks about the different attachment styles. But in today's podcast, she will discuss one attachment style: A fearful, Avoidant Attachment Style. 1:25 - A little background on the theory of Avoidant Attachment Style. John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth tested their attachment theories by analyzing babies' earlier experiences. They saw a pattern of how they would develop later in life in personal growth and relationships. 1:50 - People with Secure Attachments are easy to show affection and interest. They uphold their values, exclude confidence, and, most importantly, set boundaries for people around them. 2:06 - What is an Avoidment Attachment style? Unlike Secure Attachment, they value independence. They hate the idea of being controlled or settling; this leads to unfilling or long-lasting relationships. 3:02 - You might see people with an Avoidment Attachment style holding on to friendships or relationships. However, they have one foot out the door, ready to leave when things get serious. 4:04 - They fear emotional and physical commitment and lash out when confined. They often do things alone and would rather not seek emotional support since they don't trust people. 4:18 - Like Avoidant Attachment, Anoxius Avoidant has some same qualities. They lack self-confidence, suppress their emotions and don't seek help. And unlike Avoidant Attachments, who like to do things alone, they would instead be alone to avoid getting hurt. 5:26 - To date someone with a Fearful, Avoidant Attachment style, you must know when and how to communicate your frustrations. When she promises to call or text and still doesn't, don't get mad, and send her a fury of texts immediately. Take a deep breath, relax, and then send your text. 6:08 - Communicate like adults. No demanding, no controlling the situation, talk. List your needs and wants, and listen to hers. 7:05 - Be patient with her. It's hard to do when she keeps pushing her away and wants to be alone. But remember, she likes to be alone to ease her anxiety. She needs time to think, sometimes requiring her to withdraw a bit. 7:50 - Tap into your empathy, but dont try to fix her. Understand her emotions and let her name her feelings. Support her, but don't push her. If you see that she doesn't want to express her feelings or change, except her or move on to another relationship. You can't change someone to fit your needs, but you can express your desires and wants. 9:31 - Respect their boundaries and maintain your independence. Sometimes, trying to rush the relationships and Fearful, Avoidant Attachment may try to run away at the sight of commitment. That's why giving her space is one way to make her know you respect her boundaries while maintaining yours. 10:47 - The most important thing to do when dating and fearful-avoidant attachment is not to be clingy. Picture this: you have a close friend who tries to cling to you and wants to know everything you do the whole day and every day. This can be overwhelming, so give her space. And she will go to you.  "I love Apollonia; her tips have helped me with my dating!"

You suspect (or have been told by your partner) that you are dating someone who is anxiously attached. You are growing in love for them, and want to be close to them, but it feels difficult. You are wondering if there are any tips or things to remember as you move into more vulnerability and connection with this beautiful person. You are in the right place. In this episode, Jen will help you know if you are dating someone with anxious attachment and then give you her six top tips for moving into deeper intimacy. Enjoy! Jen ______ Resources: Heal Your Anxious Attachment by Jennifer Nurick To learn more about avoidant and anxious adaptions - listen to Episodes 2 and 3: EP 2 Avoidant Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623584769 EP 3 Anxious Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623929027 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Extra Resources Attachment by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon Park, Y., Johnson, M. D., MacDonald, G., & Impett, E. A. (2019). Perceiving gratitude from a romantic partner predicts decreases in attachment anxiety. Developmental Psychology, 55(12), 2692–2700. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000830 FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Join Jen in her exclusive online program to help you heal from an insecure attachment style and break repeating patterns in your relationships: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/rcb-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Follow Jen on: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral Visit my website: www.psychotherapycentral.health

The world of relationships and attachment styles from a neurodivergent perspective is complex and sometimes misunderstood as characteristics of neurotypes and attachment styles overlap and shape social interactions and dynamics. In this episode, Patrick Casale and Dr. Megan Anna Neff, two AuDHD mental health professionals, talk about partnerships, attachment theory, and relationships across various neurotypes. Top 3 reasons to listen to the entire episode: Understand the unique challenges neurodivergent individuals face in feeling connected and present in social situations, and how their experiences with attachment styles can differ significantly from societal norms. Identify how the impact of sensory and neurodivergent perspectives on attachment styles can shape relationships in profound and often misunderstood ways. Hear the personal stories and experiences of Patrick and Dr. Neff in relationships before diagnosis and after, including the fantasy of relationships and whether behavior is based on attachment styles or neurotypes. By exploring the complexities of the neurodivergent experience and attachment styles, it can become clearer how you communicate and what you need to enjoy more balanced and healthy relationships where your and your partner's needs can “mostly” be met. Additional Resources Neurodivergent Insights Interpersonal Workbook: Neurodivergent Insights Workbook: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/neurodivergentstore/p/interpersonal-workbook Can Autistic Children Be Securely Attached? By Debra Brause Psy.D. (Psychology Today) The Attachment Project: Great articles and resources on attachment theory   Transcript PATRICK CASALE: Okay, so welcome back to another episode of Divergent Conversations Podcast. Megan and I haven't recorded in a couple of weeks, because I've been traveling. We are back, I am sick, Megan has brain fog, story of our lives. MEGAN NEFF: This will be an interesting episode. PATRICK CASALE: This will be an interesting episode. So, we were bouncing around the ideas of talking about attachment theory, and neurodivergence, and potentially, even dipping our toe into the water of just discussing partnerships within our own neurotypes and our own relationships. So, where do you want to start? MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, those are big topics. I think attachment theory would provide the structure to then talk about partnerships. So, attachment theory? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. So, Megan may or may not give the bird's eye view on attachment theory. And we don't want to go too far into the clinical realm of that. But we do like to set the stage. So, if you have something you want to share or kind of- MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. PATRICK CASALE: …put a foundation? MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, before recording, I was saying like, I like doing that bird's eye view, but also brain fog. It would be easier if I had a transcript. And I think some of the theory will naturally interweave as we talk. But bird's eye view goes back to the 60s, John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. And initially, it comes from kind of parent-child interactions, and that they noticed distinct patterns of how infants responded when… it's called the Strange Situation, is kind of the big study that's often cited and how infants responded, well, typically, mom, again, talking about 1960s. So, there's a lot of gender and it was typically mom and baby who went into the study, into a room, and then mom would leave, and come back. And they were gauging, like, how does the infant respond? For securely attached infants, mom was like a kind of safe haven, a secure base is what they call it. And so because mom was there, the child felt more free to go and play with the toys and to explore… there's another, the researcher, there's another person in the room. With more anxiously attached children, they protested when mom left, and then had a really hard time letting mom up or not letting mom, being soothed by mom. Again, typically mom, care provider, primary attachment figure, we'll say that, when primary attachment figure came back would have difficulty being soothed by them. With a securely attached kid, they'd still protest, but they could be soothed by the caretaker when they come back. And then with avoidant, kind of, didn't protest as much when caretaker left and it wasn't as easily self-soothe. But then what they noticed is like heart rate still went up. So, stress markers still went up. Okay, that's my brain fog version of this strange situation. Where the research got, I think, even more interesting is when they started realizing that attachment style continues, and started looking at adult attachment style. And then that shows up in romantic partnerships. And I think that's probably where we'll talk more about today. But it gets pretty interesting when we start looking at attachment theory and neurodivergence. Like, some of the questions that come to my mind is, you know, does this theory and framework fit for us? Is one of the questions I have. The research shows ADHD and autistic people tend to be more insecurely attached than neurotypical people, which makes sense to me. But again, I wanted it to be like, well, how much is that capturing our true attachment style? And how much is that capturing other traits that might make us look avoidant? Or look insecure really? Or anxiously attached? How was my brain fog version of attachment theory? PATRICK CASALE: I think you did a wonderful job. So, you know, as Megan kind of said, attachment theory is interwoven throughout not just childhood development, but throughout adolescent and young adult development too, certainly plays a role in both platonic and romantic relationships, and how you kind of show up, and how you feel safe, secure, connected to the people around you. And I think there's some, like, stuff that's really interwoven here when we're talking about neurodivergence, neurodevelopment, and we're talking about like, feeling safe, feeling secure, feeling like you're attached or connected to, or safe with someone. And this goes far beyond just, like, that emotional feeling of safeness, right? Like, there's also just the ability to be mentally safe and to be neurologically safe, too. So, this is a complicated conversation. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, for sure, for sure. So, one of the interesting things about attachment theory is the idea the first year your attachment to your primary caregiver becomes kind of like a blueprint, that that becomes your template. And you tend to continue to attach that way. And it can vary, of course, and people can… it's called earned security, when you earn a secure attachment. But this is where I think cross-neurotype gets really interesting. Like, if you've got a primary caregiver and an infant who are cross-neurotype, typically, you're not going to know that in the first year. And what might be attunement to one neurotype, right? So, like, eye contact, holding, touch, right? Well, might be attunement for say a neurotypical infant, might be dysregulated and intrusive for an autistic infant. So, I think that's pretty interesting when we start thinking about early development and cross-neurotype and attunement, because that attunement is what's so important for that secure attachment to take root. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, and that attunement can so easily be missed, or misidentified, or misclassified, especially, when we're talking about infancy and, you know, any sort of development where the child is not able to actually communicate their needs or have their needs met. And then it can also play a role for that caregiver, too, if it's really challenging to cap that connection with the child as well. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. And the caregiver, like, might be really confused, because things they've learned is like, this is supposed to be soothing for my child, but it's not. And then depending on that caregiver's role, like that can activate their own attachment stuff. Yeah, it gets, I think, really complex, and yeah. PATRICK CASALE: What's been the- MEGAN NEFF: So, what, oh, go ahead. PATRICK CASALE: Go ahead. MEGAN NEFF: I was like, "Okay, this is a lot of theory." I was going to ask, I was going to take it to our experience, because I know we've both talked about, like, "Yeah, we're avoidant." PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. Oh, for sure. I mean, when I started learning about attachment theory, I was like, I think there was a part of me that was probably like, "I resonate with anxious attachment." And there's some anxiety of like, that push/pull kind of mentality of like, I come closer you back away, or vice versa. But then I realized more and more like, by doing my own work avoidant style made a lot more sense. And, you know, to all the folks who are, you know, well versed in attachment theory, a lot of folks that are labeled as avoidant attached get a bad rap. You know, because we feel like, this person is self-soothing all the time, this person wants to do things on their own, they cut people off very quickly, they disconnect very quickly, they look for the littlest thing in relationship to kind of move away. It's really hard for me to create this, like, connection. It feels one-sided. And I think that is a challenging label sometimes for people to kind of be classified under when you start talking about all of this different characteristics of attachment. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah, I would say both forms of insecure, both avoidant and anxious get pretty bad raps of like, anxious on the other side is like, oh, you're so needy, blah, blah, blah. Avoidant, like you don't care, you're cold. And I've heard it said that behind every avoidant attachment person is a very anxiously attached person, which I was like, I think that's an interesting idea to play with. But also, yeah, I mean, these things ebb and flow more than any attachment grid will show, right? Like, based on context, and relationship, and life. Yeah, so the thing I'm curious about, Patrick, for me is before I knew I was autistic, when I learned about attachment, I was like, "Okay, yeah, avoidant, totally ticks the boxes." Now, I'm wondering, like, "Okay, how much of that has to do… Like, how much of that is true attachment stuff, like, from my early childhood and these things, and how much of that is autistic traits?" Like, I don't like touch. Touch is really hard for me. I like to be alone. I get overwhelmed by people's emotions, positive or negative, so I retreat. A lot of that is due to my autistic neurology more so than… it feels like more so than my attachment. So, that's where I'm like, huh, it's hard to tease out what is my autistic needs and self-soothing versus what is like true attachment style. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, that's a great point. Like, how do we differentiate what is neurology? What's attachment system related? What is interwoven and connected? I think about this exercise I did, I was doing this like intensive three days somatic-based attachment training several years ago, DARE training. I think it's dynamic attachment re-patterning experience. And one of the… what's the word I'm looking for? One of the workshops or the protocols that we were doing was like, all right, come into a room, walk towards the person sitting on the couch until you can tell that they no longer want you to walk any closer to them based on like, eye contact, based on body language, based on posture. And that's like your window of attachment or tolerance. And I felt like mine was, like, so massive, because I was like, "I don't want to make any eye contact. You know, like, I don't want to have any of this connection in terms of you walking directly at me to, like, approach me in this way." So, that's something that stands out to me in terms of like, chicken before the egg situation. Like, how to literally figure out which is which? Or which is both. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, because like, yeah, same for me. People approaching me feels very intrusive. And yeah, I think probably both, because having those needs, and I would say, like, sensory needs, because a lot of being around people is a sensory experience, probably then shapes our attachment style. So, yeah, I don't think it's an either-or. PATRICK CASALE: What about you for your experiences? You said you felt like, okay, you're on more of the avoidance style. But if we were to take that step back and say behind every avoidant is an anxiously secure, or anxiously attached, do you have any examples of that for yourself? MEGAN NEFF: Totally. Oh, yeah, I want to talk about this too. Like, so there's this study. I don't think it was peer-reviewed, but it was really interesting. And it's been a while since I looked at it, but looked at like infatuation kind of predating during dating, and maybe attachment or just connection between autistic and non-autistic people, and it showed autistic people tend to have higher infatuation, like, before dating, and then it decreases kind of more rapidly than neurotypical. So, I was like, "Oh, that relates." In college. I had three month's relationships, but I always… so there's this idea of like, a person can become a special interest, right? And I've definitely had that experience. And I would say when a person becomes a special interest, that more anxious attachment stuff does show up. But it's complicated, because part of my attachment is to the fantasy of that person. And I would now say, okay, this is going to sound weird, the fantasy, oh, gosh, this is one of the things I'm like saying and I'm like, "I'm not sure what to say." The fantasy of being non-autistic. Oh my gosh, I'm actually getting emotional, because in the fantasy when people become special interests, I can be close to them and it's not intrusive. And I can feel connected in the way that like I long for. And that's really hard for me, because being in relationship and being close to people feels so intrusive. But in my fantasy, especially, when people become special interests I get to experience a non-intrusive intimacy. PATRICK CASALE: Thank you for sharing that, and just being willing to share that, and be really vulnerable about it. Yeah, I can sense that emotion, I can feel that, and I can really take that in. That makes a lot of sense when you put it that way too, because it allows you to feel deeply connected. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: So, I would like to just name that and put that out there. MEGAN NEFF: I mean, I don't like emotion. I talk about that pretty regularly. I also think the most… what's the phrase? Like, the most personal is the most global, I think. Perhaps even now based on conversations that there will be people that relate to that. For me, like I have talked about this in writing, this is the hardest part about being autistic is, the way I put it in writing a couple years ago is like, my soul longs for connection and my body longs for isolation. And that to me is the hardest part about being autistic. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I can deeply relate with that. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, does my emotion bring up anything for you? PATRICK CASALE: I'm feeling like protectiveness of you. And, you know, you hate physical touch, I hate physical touch, but it makes me want to, like, hug you, embrace you. But I think you just said that perfectly, too. Like, the soul longs for connection and the body yearns for isolation. I think that is pretty spot on. And you know, I say so often, like, the autistic existence is a torturous one. And I think that always my world that I seem to default to. And I think that's why is just that intense push/pull of "Damn, I want to feel like connected a part of, attuned to. And damn, I need to get away as fast as possible, because I am so uncomfortable physically." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Uncomfortable, dissociated, foggy. Like, I used to say that all the time, like, I just want to be in my experience. And what I didn't realize I was saying is like, I'm dissociated and I'm not in this moment. And particularly, in like social, like, the things that you're supposed to feel connected in, right? The big ceremonies, and rituals, and holiday gatherings, these are times where I'm, like, supposed to feel connected and around people. And these would be times that I'd feel the most disconnected. PATRICK CASALE: Which, you know, in regards to what we're talking about, it has further impact in terms of like, your attachment system, too, when these big societal norms/like cultural norms for certain pockets of people, and you're supposed to be connected, and feel joyous, and celebrate, and close to, and present, and all you can feel is dissociated, or foggy, or numb, or just not present in any form. It makes you feel even further other than those situations where it's like, "See, I truly, really don't belong here." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, and then the like, "What's wrong with me?" Narrative comes on of like, "What's wrong with me? Like, these people are in this experience. Why can't I just be in it?" PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. It's a weird timing that we're talking about this considering, like, we're going into like, some major holidays in the United States. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. I think holidays is a hard season for a lot of us. I mean, for a lot of humans, but I think, especially, autistic people. Yeah, you know I talk about clashing needs a lot, like in clashing values. Like, talk about clashing values. Like, I want my kids to have memories with extended family over the holidays. I don't want to travel. I don't want to be in a room with more than seven people. Like, yeah, it's a hard time of year for a lot of folks. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, it's a hard time in so many different ways. And then bring in the neurodivergent component. And there's almost, like, anticipatory grief. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: Like, we're recording, what's the day? November 14th. I have no idea when this will air, probably after Thanksgiving here in the States, but it'll probably air before Christmas. And there is anticipatory grief, for me, at least. I'm sure for you in some ways, too. You've mentioned about your kiddos and your husband. But like, my wife wants to be around her family. She wants to go be close, and connected, and all the things, and there's, like, this anticipatory grief for me where it's like, I can't show up the way she would want me to in a lot of ways. And I also I'm like, conserving energy for a month straight to be able to participate for six hours of my life, which will then therefore drain me for a week of it. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, gosh, I have so many visceral memories. We don't travel as much. But like, when we did travel to see Luke's family or even sometimes, like, extended time with my family, like, I would feel like I became someone else. Like, I'd become a very irritable version of me and again, I couldn't be present, I couldn't get into the experience. And I always do this preparation thing of like, okay, like you're going to be yourself this time. Like, I didn't have other any other words, and just like I don't become myself. And I didn't understand what was happening. I just knew that anytime, especially, if we traveled, like, I became a version of myself I really didn't, like, I'm not normally a very irritable person, but I certainly am when I have lost my routines, and I'm traveling, and I'm, like, all the things. So, I hear you on, it's like the grief of, I know I'm not going to be able to show up the way I want to for my wife's family. Like, I feel that. And like, for you, as I remember, for me, I'd be like, "Okay, I just need to flip a switch, I can do it." Like, is there that kind of like belief you should be able to just flip a switch and show up the way you want? PATRICK CASALE: Oh, totally. I mean, and I think that can even be enforced sometimes like, or reinforced through messaging that you receive. And I know like, before, maybe my wife and I really knew each other or like what I needed, my system needed, and that it wasn't just being selfish, or like, I didn't want to participate, where it would almost be like a pep talk of like, "You can show up for one day of your life. Like, you can do that." And sometimes I will even have to say it out loud to myself, like, give myself like this, you know, man in the mirror speech where I look at myself, and I'm like, "Yeah, you can do this, you can like, handle six hours, you can manage this. So, you can make it through whatever the event is." Not specifically just talking about her family, because that's not the truth of it, truly any gathering. And then, so often, just, you know, continuously having to rely on just either one alcohol or two complete silence and isolation. And I would become also like, irritable, short one to two-word answers. When people are talking to me, people would label that as like antisocial, dismissive, rude, whatever labels we want to throw on to that presentation. And it just further makes you feel disconnected, because I think, for me, and I don't know about for you, I then go into, like, this internal dialogue of like, trying to force myself out of that reaction where it's like, "Stop reacting like this. This is not how you want to come across. Like, all you have to do is like, just respond for two sentences." And maybe that will break down this, like, internal barrier, but then you just default back to the same, and it feels harder and harder and harder to then like, really show up in a way that you want to. I don't know if I'm making sense. MEGAN NEFF: It makes so much sense and I relate to that so much that like, okay, don't do it this way, do it this… and like that becomes part of the stress, right? Of like, again, this idea I should be able to do something different here. PATRICK CASALE: Yes. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. That is where, like, discovering autism has been really helpful, because I was genuinely just so confused. And of course, reverted to, like, I'm a bad person, or now it's like, "Okay, I understand that I have an inner part of my nervous system that is shut down. And like, that's what's happening to me right now." And it doesn't mean that I, like, feel awesome about the situation or the engagement, but I understand it, which is helpful. PATRICK CASALE: I agree, 100%. The understanding may not always be helpful in some ways, but it is helpful in other ways, where it's like, at least you're no longer doing this, like existential search for what the hell is happening here? And you just default to like, okay, this is happening. Doesn't make it any more awesome. Like, the experience is still painful, but at least I understand why it's painful. I think that helps a little bit. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. Oh, for sure. I mean, I think, you know, I feel like I talk about this a lot here. I'm such a fan of, like, self-attunement through self-narration, of like if I can narrate what's happening, that is a form of like, radical self-attunement. So, I think that opens up the opportunity for self-compassion in those moments of like, okay, this is a hard moment, versus like, I know, for me, what it was before is, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just get in it?" And I was like, "Okay, this is a hard moment, this is what's happening." It's a very different self-experience in those moments. PATRICK CASALE: So true, so true. We diverge mightily. MEGAN NEFF: I mean, it's all like- PATRICK CASALE: It's all connected. MEGAN NEFF: …clustered around attachment and intimacy. And yeah, it's interesting. I'm not a dualist in the sense of like, I don't like to separate kind of mind, body, you know, that kind of Descartes dualism that took hold and shaped much of western history. But when it comes to this conversation, I actually find the dualistic lens a little bit helpful in a sense of like, there is this really very real split I experience of like, what I long for, and then what my body can handle. And I do think that, of course, it's going to shape attachment, then, an attachment style. PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely. I also think, you know, just on that, in this perspective too, it's like, for those of you listening and wondering, okay, am I just now forever labeled avoidant attached, insecure, anxious attached? You can actually be in different attachment styles with different people in different relationships. And those can evolve based on learning, healing, growth, introspection, understanding. So, this is not a like, black and white, and all be all situation, either. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And that's where, like, an ebb flow, kind of hold on attachment theory, I think is really helpful of yeah, like, there's an attachment quiz out there where to, like, map you out on quadrants, like, both your parents, friends, and then romantic partners, kind of how you lean in those different relationships, which I think that's interesting. But yeah, the idea that like we can heal secure attachment and I think it's going to look different for autistic people. Like, actually I feel really securely attached to my spouse, my children, I would even say my parents. It doesn't look the same way. I need a ton of space. If you were looking at me, you might not say I'm securely attached, you'd say avoidant, but I do think I am securely attached in those relationships. PATRICK CASALE: I actually think that's the perfect, like, depiction of what we're trying to talk about right now, is that from the outsider's perspective, right? If you're just taking into consideration attachment theory, which there's a lot of things that are missed and mismarked opportunities there as well, in attachment theory, but if we're talking about like, for just specifically, looking at it from attachment theory perspective, and you're saying, oh, well, Megan's disconnected, Megan's on their own, isolated, whatever, must not be secure attachment. But what I'm hearing from a neurotype perspective, and a neurology perspective is, is very secure if the people on the other side are also understanding like, mom needs a break, mom needs to read, mom needs to self-soothe, mom loves us, and is in a different room. Like, that takes into account the sensory needs, which I think is where we're trying to create that much more complex picture. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely. And that's where like, I would love to see attachment theory kind of adaptive for neurodivergent folks of like, what are kind of the markers? Because I think, like most things, you have to go more into the subjective experience and rely less on those behavioral markers. PATRICK CASALE: Right. And I think that's so important to make a notation of too, is to create some evolutionary language and vantage points on terms of how we view attachment theory for neurodivergent folks, because if our neurotypes are different, if we're talking cross-neurotype relationships, if we're talking about, you know, a neurotypical parent, and a neurodivergent kiddo, or vice versa, or partnership, there's going to be all of these new almost like things, and what's the word I'm looking for? There's going to have to be new ways to really, I don't want to use the word adapt, that's not the right word, to become more comfortable within relationship, understanding that not every single relationship is going to look like this, you know, textbook definition of what one needs to look like. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And I think for both partners and parents who aren't also, specifically, autistic understanding, because like, I'm sure you see this a lot, right? In cross-neurotype partnerships where, you know, one person's need for space, like that can activate a whole story for the other partner of like, this person's pulling away from me and… oh, I lost the thought. There was a thought but it flew away. PATRICK CASALE: It's probably because I took so long in that convoluted way of saying what I was saying. MEGAN NEFF: I don't think it's… Oh, my brain [INDISCERNIBLE 00:30:01]. PATRICK CASALE: You're right, though. I mean, and I think, like, if we're talking about, okay, this person needs space, this is what their sensory system needs is space, but the attachment system doesn't need space. Like, in their embodied experience this is actually like the safest place for them is to have that space, because that means they feel very connected to you to be able to take that space, but then you have someone who might be on the anxious insecure side where it's like whoa, this person is pulling away, they don't love me anymore, they don't care about me, let me come closer. And then odds are you back even further away and it creates that anxious avoidant man. PATRICK CASALE: Yes, what is it called? Brain fog is so interesting, like things I used to be able to pull into mind dance something pattern, it comes from EFT, the pursuit distance or dynamic is a kind of a classic, because here's the interesting thing, when you are insecurely attached, you're actually more likely to partner with someone who's also insecurely attached but from the other side of the road. So, like if you're avoidant, you might partner with an anxiously attached vice versa, which then of course, there's going to be like, some messy dynamics that show up so that distance or pursuer is what's talked about of like, there's the pursuit, because for… We haven't talked a whole lot about kind of anxious attachment but for anxious attachment, when there's an attachment, kind of insecurity, they need closure. Like, they need to work it through with the person. The avoidant person needs space to regulate, to be able to come back to our conversation. But that can create that pursuer's coming closer because that's what their attachment needs to down-regulate. The avoidant person's distancing, because that's what they need space to down-regulate. And then the pursuer distance or dynamic because it, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: And around, around we go. MEGAN NEFF: And around, around we go, yeah. Yeah, so I'm married to someone who's securely attached, but like, introverted and does really well with alone time. And I realized the reason all my other relationships didn't work before I met Luke was they weren't as independent. And so at some point, my relationships always made a turn where they started feeling really intrusive and really not good. And so that's been interesting. Typically, too, like, avoidant people don't get together romantically. And again, I wouldn't say Luke and I are truly avoidant, but we're very independent. And like, it's not a classic pairing you see a lot. But I realized, like, I absolutely needed someone like that. Like, I wouldn't work with someone who also had like high need for independence and wore separations okay, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I think that's a good point. And it's good to know what you both need and then to be able to find it is, I wouldn't say it's a rarity, because it's certainly not. But it does take a lot of like, introspection, and discussion, and communication about needs too. And then each partner being confident in their ability to offer that and offer themselves what they need. I think that's equally as important. Like, knowing what you each, you've mentioned this before, when we're talking about partnerships, but like, just the fact that partnerships, you should not always be solely rely on your partner for joy, happiness, contentment, relational like connection. Like, you've got to get that elsewhere too. And I think you have to have the confidence in both of yourselves and each other to be able to have that space to also have your own interests, to also have your own friendships, also have your own like downtime where every single second doesn't have to be interwoven. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: What are you thinking about that? MEGAN NEFF: I was just thinking about how helpful it would be like, you know, when people are making life partnerships, like to know about things like attachment style and neurotype and like, how these things overlay, and like, just think about how helpful all these lenses are, and how, like, rarely, I think the younger generation they're getting there, but how rarely we enter into these partnerships with these lenses that I think can really unlock so much understanding and alleviate a lot of pain. PATRICK CASALE: For sure, for sure. I don't even think I knew the word attachment until I was like 26, 27. You know, I really didn't know much about my own neurodivergence at that time, if any at all, and then, you know, through partnerships like doing a lot of trying to figure out like what's working? What's not working? Why are certain relationships typically ending? What am I missing upfront or vice versa? And I think for, like, my marriage, you know, we're going on 10 years of being married at this point in time, a lot of it at first was doing that dance of like, that anxious avoidant like situation. And I would say my wife is way less avoidant or anxious, probably more secure than a lot of folks. But ultimately, when I would push away, because I needed to push away and I didn't know why I needed space, or I didn't know why I needed to isolate or disconnect, she wouldn't go anywhere. And I think that created that feeling of safety of like, now I can start verbalizing like, this is what I need, this is why I need it. It had nothing to do with you. I just didn't realize like I need a lot of time to be alone, and to be autonomous, and to be independent. MEGAN NEFF: I love that. I love she didn't go anywhere. And that's a secure base, right? Like- PATRICK CASALE: Exactly. MEGAN NEFF: She stayed secure. She was there. And she wasn't punishing like when you came back. It wasn't, "And you need to be punished before we can reunite." PATRICK CASALE: Exactly. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. I don't know if this relates, I'm curious. So, yeah, dating, I did it a bit. And yeah, again, I'd hit a part like where it started feeling intrusive and I'd get, oh, this sounds really bad. I'm going to have a vulnerability hangover after this episode, Patrick. Now, again, I understand it, but when it started feeling intrusive, I would get grossed out but my partner's and once it turned it was really hard to unturn it. I now realize I think it was kind of a sensory, like, you know, I have misophonia. So, like, I joke with my spouse of like, I just won't be in the same room when he's eating cereal. Like, because I will forever be like, grossed out by him and it'll linger for a while. But it would do this thing where it would turn in my relationships and I want to be able to recover. And I think it was kind of a sensory grossed-out meats intrusion. And I couldn't then like recover from that feeling of intrusion. So, I definitely had a point of like, am I ever going to find a long-term partner? Is marriage ever going to work for me? Or am I always going to have this experience of it turning? And then, right, all or nothing. Like, once it's ruined, it's ruined. Was dating hard for you? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. So, I'm actually glad you named that, too. So, I had similar experiences where like, if I was dating, I was really… I wouldn't use the word infatuated, but I was definitely much more excited about the relationship and the person at first. And then- MEGAN NEFF: Same. High, high infatuation or like [CROSSTALK 00:37:56]- PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, so I was like, and you probably then come across like more charismatic, you come across like more interesting, you come across- MEGAN NEFF: Well, special interest energy, right? Like special interest energy plus new, like romance energy. Like, oh, my gosh, it is a powerful combo. PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely, absolutely. So, this is, again, another example of where we could say attachment, or neurotype, or neurology, right? Or the combination of the two. So, a lot of people who are attachment-oriented therapist would say, like, "The avoidant style, that's very typical." Where, like, you would get really infatuated, you'd be really excited. And then you'd start to pull away, you'd start to find little things about your partner that make you no longer feel connected to them so that you could have your autonomy, and your freedom, and your independence, and you could no longer be connected. But if we're framing it from the neurodiversion perspective that you are mentioning, like the sensory component, and the intrusiveness, and the feelings of like, "Oh, my body no longer feels safe and it no longer feels like excited, it no longer feels secure in this." That's exactly what I think is missing from a lot of this literature, too. MEGAN NEFF: And that's where, to return to what I was saying earlier, which I can now revisit without so much emotion. Like, I think a lot of us spend a bit of time in fantasy. And I think, like, that's where fantasy of an ideal relationship or an ideal person, especially, in that early infatuation period becomes so seductive because in fantasy we aren't sensory creatures, in fantasy we don't have, like, that turn when there's a sensory unpleasant experience. And I think that can make relationships hard, right? Like, we are infatuated, many of us might be fantasizing. Okay, I'll speak from my experience. I get super special interest energy, so curious about the person. I think the person would, typically, like my curiosity and my interest feel, I don't have the word… But then I would do a lot of fantasizing, and idealizing, and building it up. No relationship can live up to that, no reality can live up to that. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. And then when it doesn't and you're no longer in that special interest energy, and maybe your sensory system is being more activated, because of some sort of partnership or relationship, and then all of a sudden the pendulum swings almost the complete opposite way. And I wonder, even like, we're talking a lot about this from an autistic perspective, which I feel like we tend to frame most of this podcast from, but I wonder about the ADHD type 2 where stimulation and you know, really [CROSSTALK 00:41:05]- MEGAN NEFF: Oh, my gosh, yeah, absolutely. PATRICK CASALE: Right? And like, yeah. MEGAN NEFF: No, that's a huge like, okay, I'm going to do a little detour. I was talking with one of my children and I could just tell their affect was a little bit different. I was like, "Are you sad?" And they were like, "No." And then they were like, "I feel sad, but I don't know why." And then I looked, and I was like, "Are you understimulated?" And their eyes opened up and they're like, "Yes, I'm understimulated." And I've started noticing, you know, I've been married 15 years, that like times when I have, like, started to feel discontent in my marriage and I just think everyone experiences seasons of that, if you're married for a long time, what I've realized is like, oh, I was under-stimulated. And that lens of understimulation has been really helpful of like, I'm not discontent with my spouse, I'm like experiencing under stimulation. Okay, I need an infusion of creativity or some sort of stimulus. But I think that happens a lot for ADHDers is, once the relationship is not as stimulating, it can be tempting to let me go look for that elsewhere. PATRICK CASALE: Yep, yep, I agree with that 100%. So, you know, stimulation seeking, right? And then when we have that dopamine, when we have that adrenaline rush, when we have all the feel-good chemicals in our body, and then all of a sudden it's like, well, that same person, that relationship, the stimulation is missing, so it must be something wrong with the relationship. MEGAN NEFF: Right, right. PATRICK CASALE: And how often can you be in partnership where it's stimulating 100% of the time? I don't think that's possible. MEGAN NEFF: Right. But I think when our, like, especially, if we don't understand our like, need for stimulus, yeah, exactly. It's so easy to go that narrative of like there must be something wrong here, because we're, yeah… So, okay, kind of a rabbit trail, but also, I think, important, because we're both, as far as I know, from you, Patrick, we're both in monogamous arranged partnerships. A lot of neurodivergent people are polyamorous or have different structures. And I think this is perhaps one of the reasons, especially, for autistic ADHDers, like if you have a frame that supports that, I see why that works for a lot of people, because you get the new relationship energy, and you have the secure base when well done, right? When there's a lot of good intentional conversations and the framework around it is setup well. So, it kind of, I thought about that of like, yeah, that makes sense where that works well for so many folks. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I think that makes perfect sense in a lot of ways. I think that's why my marriage works really well even though it is a monogamous one. It's non-traditional in a sense, where people will look at the fact that we spend a lot of time apart from one another and say, like, "Is everything okay at home? I see that Patrick's traveling by himself all the time and you're never with him." Or she like has so many friend groups, and so many book clubs, and so many things that she's involved in. And I don't often go to those things, or to those events, or to those parties, or any of those things. So, there is this, like, level of autonomy, and independence, and almost separateness within the marriage and relationship despite, like, neither one of us very often feeling disconnected from each other. MEGAN NEFF: That like, yeah, I'm smiling so big right now, because like, yeah, that's my marriage, and that's why it works. Does it work for Arielle? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, for Arielle, it works. I think there are definitely times she would prefer that I would definitely come to a get together, or a party, or like, I could at times be more spontaneous with my answers instead of nine times out of 10 being like, "Nah, I don't want to do that." But I think it does work for this stage of our lives. I think the first couple of years it was challenging for her to be like, "What fuck is going on? Like, my husband doesn't want to come to anything with me." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And essentially, as soon as I asked that I'm like, "Oh, of course, it works for Luke." But Luke is also, my spouse, I might have him listen to us before we are just to make sure, you know, he's cool with everything. He's a very, very, like intense people-pleaser. So, I also realized, like, and one thing I've been encouraging him to do… Again, this might sound controversial, I've been telling him like, "Hey, I both celebrate and grieve my, like, autism diagnosis. You get to do that, too, because like, it impacts our relationship." And he's started slowly, like, you know, there's a concert in town that he was like, "Oh, yeah, I did have the thought of, like, it'd be nice to like, go to that with you. And I know that that wouldn't happen. Or that if we did that, that would be really hard for you." And I'm encouraging him to explore his grief around this. So, I'm also realizing, yeah, I do think it mostly works for us, but also that there can be grief for the spouse. And I think it's so important we let our spouses experience that without it feeling like that's ableism, that's just part of the complexity of human relationship and emotion. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, and you've actually mentioned that exact scenario on here a couple of times now. And I think it's important, like, it's not only important, it's like paramount to be able to really help support your spouse have their own emotional journey within partnership about what their experience is like, because I'm sure there are times where Arielle is like, "Man, I'm going to this thing tonight, and there's going to be a lot of people there. And I might be one of the only partnered people that is there solo." And that can feel like, you know, there's something wrong on the home front. When I'm traveling all over the damn worlds by myself and people are always like, "Oh, are you married? Do you have a partner? Like, where are they? Like, do they come with you on these events?" I'm like, "Yeah, they do. They have four weeks of time off and they hate traveling. So, this is just the balance that we have found that works for both of us." And I think it gives me that stimulation, and that sensation seeking that I need, and that freedom. And it just works. So, I do think finding out what works is important, like you said before, have we had known this earlier on in our lives, it would probably save ourselves, our partners, our friends a lot of pain, but I'm glad to have arrived to it now. And before it was too late to do that. MEGAN NEFF: I think what I'm feeling like just a lot of gratitude that we both found people that like, because I think for both of us it takes kind of unique people to be able to be married to us. PATRICK CASALE: Yes. MEGAN NEFF: And I'm really glad we both found people for whom we've been able to build a life that's secure and also like works with our sensory needs. And I think sounds like works for our partner's needs as well, mostly. PATRICK CASALE: For sure. I like the mostly caveat, because that's probably the case. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, I mean, I don't want to, like, be, yeah, totally works for me. I'm sure of it, yeah, mostly. PATRICK CASALE: This will be a good episode to then have both of them on here, like we talked about. MEGAN NEFF: We talked about that. We have talked about having, yeah, do you want to do like a four-way conversation? PATRICK CASALE: I think it'll be pretty cool. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Oh, goodness. I think that'd be really interesting. Yeah, I'll try to see if Luke's up for that. PATRICK CASALE: No pressure. But yeah, I think, again, as so many of these conversations are, there is so much nuance and complexity here. And it's not just attachment style, it's not just neurotype or neurology, it's everything. And I think we have to assess and look at everything when we are trying to figure out not only our client's, you know, struggle areas in terms of their relational relationships and their attunement, but our own, and our friendships, and our partnerships with our families, et cetera, and really taking neurodiversity into account and consideration when we are looking at relational dynamics. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely. PATRICK CASALE: Other thoughts? MEGAN NEFF: Is this our ending? Yeah, I don't feel like I have anything to add to that. I kind of feel like we're at our awkward goodbye time. PATRICK CASALE: I like that it started awkward. We both were kind of foggy, we both were kind of cloudy. And then it developed into what I think was a really good, powerful conversation. And I'm just grateful for you too, in terms of if we're looking at attachment in friendships, because we haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks. And we're both not feeling great, but I'm pretty happy with how that turned out. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, same, same. PATRICK CASALE: All right, everyone who's listening, so Divergent Conversations is out every single Friday on all major platforms and YouTube. You can follow us on Instagram as well. Like, download, subscribe, and share. And, goodbye.

There has been increasing attention paid recently to Attachment Theory, which came from research by John Bowlby (1951), and Mary Ainsworth (1967) and has been confirmed and expanded over the intervening decades.  Attachment Theory described the psychological connection between humans, that is based in the connection between babies and their primary caregiver- typically their mother.  According to the theory, early patterns of behaviour establish fundamental feelings of safety and security that play out for the rest of our lives- most recognisably in our adult romantic relationships.  Join your hosts as they discuss Attachment Theory, and how they have experienced it in their lives. Learn about the four attachment styles, and hear methods to progress towards Secure Attachment, even if early experiences set the groundwork for a different style to naturally manifest.  Melon and Mike refer to a free online quiz where you can find your own style: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/?utm_source=google-search&utm_medium=cpc-lead&utm_campaign=18002521897&utm_term=&gc_id=18002521897&h_ad_id=669729918143&utm_content=personal%20development%20school&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA35urBhDCARIsAOU7Qwnf69T3l6RU6CrHOh_xA_inad1keG_8RB-RPmQiKeN6DCim6VOEbs8aAss8EALw_wcB Subscribe, Like, Share and Review our podcast. Don't miss out on our Instagram Christmas Giveaway be sure to enter and follow our kind sponsors! Let us know what you think! Goals for 2023:  -100 ️️️️️ Ratings on Apple Podcasts  -50 Written reviews on Apple Podcasts   -500 Followers on FB, IG, and YouTube!  #PBC #PushingBackChaos #Podcast #HMG #HeroesMediaGrp #Veterans #goals #Transition #Military #Hobbies #Operationonceinalifetime #attachmentstyles #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #secureattachment #attachmenttheory   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attachment Theory has been a part of the conversation in psychology and therapy since the 60's. Listen in this week as Anni shares how learning attachment styles can be helpful not only when talking about children, but how this can influence adult relationships as well. We also learn how our careers are fake. 

Today I'm going over the history of attachment styles. If you are like me you'd like to know about the history of the things you learn. I go over the beginnings of attachment theory and talk about the pioneers, John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, and Mary Main.  If you don't if your strongest attachment style is the secure attachment style, the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the dismissive avoidant attachment style, or the fearful avoidant, also known as the disorganized attachment style, I have two links for you to find that out. The first link is faster to complete and has some tools to help you with your attachment style. The second link is more detailed and can be taken multiple times to see how you are in different times of your life.  I also provided some book recommendations and online therapy discounts. Attachment Quiz 1 and resources: https://pds.idevaffiliate.com/151.html Attachment Quiz 2: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl Attached Book: https://amzn.to/3XYqMLX Avoidant Book: https://amzn.to/3Dlaovs Better Help Online Therapy 10% Discount: https://betterhelp.com/relationshipattachments Online-Therapy.com https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

For the transcript for this episode, visit the website at http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk Subscribe to the podcastSupport the showOn this episode, I dive into why hoarders are so fixated on stuff. Joining me is Dr Jan Eppingstall, who looks into the theory of transitional objects developed by Winnicott and how they shape our attachment styles. We explore how these objects serve as a source of comfort and self-soothing, representing our primary caregiver. Jan discusses how uncertainty can lead to people-pleasing and masking of emotions. We also learn about the impact of insecure attachment on hoarding behaviours and the role of belongings in forging connections and fulfilling our emotional needs. We also discuss the complex interaction between genetics and environment in hoarding tendencies. Tune in for a deep dive into the psychological factors behind our attachment to our possessions.- Transitional object theory by Winnicott- The role of transitional objects in comforting children, representing the primary caregiver- How transitional objects help children become independent and manage separation anxiety- Uncertainty and people-pleasing behaviours- Excessive attachment to belongings stemming from childhood experiences- Attachment styles and secure and insecure attachment- Using possessions to gain power, impress others, make connections- Attachment theory and its impact on hoarding behaviours- The use of possessions to forge connections - Possessions as non-confrontational and not disappointing compared to people- Attachment insecurity linked to negative thoughts about self-worth, shame, and unstable identity- Growing up in a hoard leading to disorganised attachment and attachment trauma- Understanding why people attach meaning to possessions- Possessions reflecting aspects of personality, intelligence, or past achievements- Ambivalent sense of self in hoarding and its relation to identity struggles- Common themes for hoarding: avoiding negative emotions, holding onto past happiness, validating past pain- Factors contributing to hoarding: instinctual nature of stockpiling and inability to avoid engaging with possessions- Coping mechanisms, their classifications as acceptable or unacceptable, and the tipping point to excessive behaviours- John Bowlby's attachment theory and its focus on distress and anxiety in babies when separated from primary caregiver- Influence of early separation on psychological well-being, based on experimental studies during the Blitz- The role of transitional object attachment - Mary Ainsworth's extension of Bowlby's research through the Strange Situation experiments- Identification of secure attachment and three types of insecure attachment: anxious, avoidant, and disorganised- Hoarding tendencies being more common among first degree relatives- Chromosome regions associated with hoarding, but no clear susceptibility genes identified- Limited support for a genetic predisposition to hoarding- Disproven hypotheses about hoarding and scarcity or deprivation- The interaction between nature (genetics) and nurture (environment) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week my partner Dr. Erin Boyce joins me to talk about one of her areas of study, attachment theory. We discuss childhood development, identity formation, the important of strong attachments to parental figures, authenticity, depression, repression, and lots more.For more on Attachment Theory, check out Mary Ainsworth's work.For more on attachment, authenticity and addiction, check out Dr. Gabor Maté's work. The Spectacle of Punishment and Dr. Junkie available at Amazon and B&N.

Your attachment style is like a blueprint for a house you want to build. You need to know what materials, expectations, etc., you need to make sure that the house will stand the test of time. It's the same for your relationships. You want to understand your attachment style to build a healthy relationship. By getting to know your attachment style, you can gain insight into how you approach relationships and what you need to feel safe and secure. Attachment theory was developed by psychoanalyst John Bowlby and his colleague Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s. Their research on child development and parent-child attachment patterns has since been expanded upon by many other researchers. It has become an important framework for understanding relationship dynamics in both childhood and adulthood.There are four attachment styles, Anxious preoccupied, Dismissive Avoidant, Anxious avoidant, and Secure attachment. To help you zero in on which you might be, I have listed 12 traits in this podcast for each attachment style. You may exhibit a couple or few of the behaviors of all the attachment styles, but we are looking for which you have more traits than others. Remember, this is not a diagnosis but a guide to understanding your attachment and how you can be aware of them to manage your emotions and relationships. The next episode will talk about how we can heal our attachment style. Support the Show.

Today, we're continuing our new podcast series on attachment, by diving into the history of attachment theory. If you like biography episodes, or learning about history, this episode will delight you. In this episode, we'll be talking about 3 of the main attachment players: John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, and Mary Main, and how their work […]

Do you really need another person in your life to be happy, healthy, and reach your greatest potential? When viewed like this, is codependency such a bad word? Sharla and Robert aren't sitting on the fence on this one. In fact, they are challenging the stigmas around the word codependency and the way society teaches us to apply that label indiscriminately — and oftentimes detrimentally.Their reasoning is backed by compelling evidence that ranges from the way mushrooms form underground networks in forests as a way to strengthen through connection, to studies on attachment, the Dependency Paradox, and the results of 'shock tests' administered when you are holding your partner's hand.Sharla and Robert weave their personal stories of childbirth, and surgery, and the profound impact that holding your partner's hand can have on your own empowerment – all the while gently changing the narrative around how we sensationalize independence at the expense of shared intimacy and support. This conversation is worth listening to repeatedly as we celebrate the fact that we are actually hardwired for dependency on the ones we love – and that embracing this fact can lead us to ever greater personal success in life.Join the celebration of the launch of our brand new podcast, "Master Your Marriage," and enter our giveaway for a chance to win an 8-week Coaching Program with us here: https://upvir.al/143028/lp143028"Our culture has taught us to really reject this idea of codependency, believing that true independence and self-sustainability is a much healthier form of attachment." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- Should we aim for less entanglement in our relationships?- Understanding when dependency is healthy in an intimate relationship- Sharla's recount of the birth of their last child and how Robert inspired and empowered her- What does our culture have to say about codependency – are we being misled? - Understanding why our need for attachment is a human condition- What can we learn from mushrooms about our need for human connection?- Appreciating oneness as a superpower and survival advantage!- How Sharla supported Robert through his hernia surgery- The more dependent we are on each other, the more courageous we tend to be when facing everything outside of our relationship- What if your partner isn't fully available to you? And so much more!Resources:- The 8 Pillars of an Exceptional Marriage - http://bit.ly/3Eksoqs- Attached (Amir Levine) - https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/- Flowers (Miley Cyrus) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7KNmW9a75Y- The Dependency Paradox - https://jeanhuber.com/the-dependency-paradox/- Mary Ainsworth's Attachment Theory - https://study.com/academy/lesson/mary-ainsworth-theory-biography-quiz.htmlConnect with Robert...

This week, on Best Friend Therapy, we're talking about attachments. No, not the Velcro and poppers kind, but the way we *emotionally* attach to other people. We look at the work of psychologists like John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, to get a better understanding of the way we develop expectations of other people, and how we might have created emotional defences to protect our vulnerability.We explain how strategies that set us up for safety in childhood might actually get in our way as adults, when it comes to making successful friendships, romantic relationships and professional connections. Emma tells us a story about a picnic blanket and Elizabeth reminds us of those mice and their cheese machines that we first encountered in Season One. ----This week's references include:"A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder" by Colby Pearce: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Short-Introduction-Attachment-Disorder-Second-dp-1785920588/dp/1785920588/ref=dp_ob_title_bkThe work of John Bowlby: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_BowlbyAnd Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation experiment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_situation---Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. ---Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayEmma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrellBest Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

This episode is heavy.    Mental health has been on my mind a lot lately as I try to figure out how to regulate my own mental health to stay in a place that is operable for everyday life. Lately, I have been struggling with regulating my emotions, grief, loss, and feeling consistent. As a result, I have been on a self-care journey doing reading, listening to experts, paying attention to my emotions and other people's emotions.    In my reading, I discovered the concept of attachment styles. Attachment styles are a theory first described by psychologists Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby which describes how we relate to others in our relationships. Particularly, attachment styles describe how we conduct ourselves during conflicts in those relationships. Our attachment style is shaped early in childhood during our first interactions we have with our caregivers and is later mimicked in adulthood.    Our special guest, Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, will share what these attachment styles are today. Dr. Fedrick is a licensed clinical therapist with a master's in counseling and a doctorate in psychology. She is also the owner of Evolve Counseling in Gilbert, Arizona, as well as the host of the Calm, Cool, and Connected Podcast.   I'm going to question Dr. Fedrick on childhood trauma, how it affects you in adult life, how it affects our attachment styles, different types of therapy, how your body responds chemically to trauma, and much more. We'll also discuss different types of therapy you can do and the role of mental health in society.   I'm really excited to have this conversation with Dr. Fedrick and have her share her expertise with us.     Follow Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick here:   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drelizabethfedrick/?hl=en    Calm, Cool, and Connected Podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1656793    Evolve Counseling: https://www.evolvecounselingaz.com/      Find Nick Thompson here:   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nthompson513/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXipWcR8Pit6vYHd1ZcKgKg

In this episode, Cath looks at how we can balance our own healing with raising children. She shares an analogy which might help you tend to your needs, especially if you struggle to allow yourself to prioritise your needs, because you learnt how to put your needs last. Cath explains why looking afteryourself is vital and an important role as a parent.She shares some concepts from 'Attachment Theory', referencing the work of John Bowlby, Mary Main and Mary Ainsworth. These are important toconsider because secure attachment is what we are aiming for, both for ourselves and our children. Many of us gain secure attachment in adulthood, through therapy and our own healing work. Cath talks about emotional regulation, what happens when we operate out of our survival states and borrows a term from economics as she explains a concept she uses to illustrate what happens when we have big responsesto our children's big feelings. She shares some detailed real life examples to help illustrate the point. This is a de-shaming, educational episode packed with insights.To subscribe to the journal questions please head to psychotherapymum.com or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy_mum/-16 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The girlies unpack attachment styles. They review Mary Ainsworth's original research on attachment, how we can view attachment theory through the idea of a multiplicitous mind, and talk about the many babies who were traumatized for the sake of science. Digressions include two iconic celeb sightings, Dr. Marten's checkered past, and what happens when you play Binchtopia over the frat house aux. Support the podcast on Patreon at patreon.com/binchtopia Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I talk about the different attachment styles and how they present themselves in infants as well as adults. Through doing this we are able to see the connections between the two stages of life, but also the capability for people to evolve and for their attachment styles to change.Later on, I discuss some research done by Mary Ainsworth that puts these attachment styles into the context of relationships and how different styles would interact with each other. Throughout this episode, you will gain more awareness into your own attachment styles and understand how you can use them to your advantage and create a happier and fulfilling life.