Podcast appearances and mentions of Mary Ainsworth

EPISODE 215 Your attachment style, is a psychological blueprint that influences how you relate to others. Attachment theory was developed by British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, John Bowlby and later expanded by American-Canadian developmental psychologist, Mary Ainsworth. Attachment theory is based on how you bonded with your primary caregivers (e.g., your mother, grandmother, aunt, father, etc.) which tends to mirror how you bond with others as an adult. There are four types of personal and professional attachment styles: (1) secure; (2) anxious; (3) avoidant; and (4) disorganized. Attachment style is very important in your personal life. Attachment style plays a surprisingly powerful role in your professional life as well. Your professional attachment style influences leadership, communication, collaboration, negotiation, and even how you handle success or failure. How can you change your current personal or professional attachment style? Creating a new attachment style by rewiring your own emotional habits allows you to create healthier connections and build new relationships in a new way to create a positive impact in your own life. Out There on the Edge of Everything®… Stephen Lesavich, PhD Copyright © 2025 by Stephen Lesavich, PhD.  All rights reserved. Certified solution-focused life coach and experienced business coach. #attachment #attachmentstyle #selfhelp #motivation #personalgrowth #business #businesscoach #lifecoach #lesavich

Maria Esguerra escaped the Children of God at the age of 22 with her two children who have disabilities. Maria's firsthand experience drives her passion to support fellow survivors of cults and institutions, advocating for specialised understanding, interventions and access to governmental schemes such as Redress. Maria has actively engaged in media and advocacy efforts to raise awareness about the challenges faced by people escaping coercive environments. She founded a support group for second and multi-generational survivors (also referred to as SGAs or MGAs) from all cults. It addresses the devastating impacts from these groups, including abuse, denial of basic rights and forced labour. Maria is also a psychologist and the founder of Assessable.Links:Maria Esguerra — LinktreeMaria Esguerra — Director at AssessableDecult profile — Maria's information at the recent Decult ConferenceI lived under the so-called 'law of love' and it was terrifying – cult survivor — by Ryan Boswell, 1News, 17 October 2024CIFS Australia — Cult Information & Family SupportThe Olive Leaf NetworkEscaping Utopia — by Janja Lalich & Karla McLaren, Routledge, 2017The Strange Situation Experiment — more about Mary Ainsworth's work on attachment theoryErikson's stages of psychosocial development — more about Erik Erikson's workMake it Meaningful: How to find purpose in life and work — by Debbie Haski-Leventhal, Simon & Schuster, 2023Walking Free from the Trauma of Coercive, Cultic and Spiritual Abuse: A Workbook for Recovery and Growth — by Gillie Jenkinson, Routledge, 2023Stop Religious Coercion Australia — Advocacy group started by a former Geelong Revival Centre memberWriting to Reckon — Gerette Buglion's workshops, retreats, journal, and moreYou can support us on Patreon. Sarah Steel's book Do As I Say is available on audiobook. Subscribe and support the production of this independent podcast, and you can access early + ad-free episodes at https://plus.acast.com/s/lets-talk-about-sects. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let us hear from you!Have you ever wondered about kids whose behaviors don't neatly fit into traditional attachment theory categories? Those are the "unclassifiable" children first observed by Mary Ainsworth during her "Strange Situation" tests. This video looks at how these unclassifiable reactions led researcher Mary Main to identify a new attachment style known as "disorganized attachment."For more resources and in-depth courses visit www.coparentacademy.com.Have questions or comments? We'd love to hear from you! Send them to ron@coparentacademy.com.

In this episode, Jackie is a guest on The Wholeness Network with Mechelle Wingle. This conversation delves into attachment theory, exploring its origins with John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, the different attachment styles, and their implications in various relationships, including family, friendships, and romantic partnerships. The discussion emphasizes the importance of understanding one's attachment style for personal growth and improving relationships.  Ultimately, they explore the concept of wholeness in therapy, advocating for an integrated approach to mental health.

Let us hear from you!Watch this episode on YouTube:  https://youtu.be/YwBdKE9cSOUDo you ever worry about whether your child feels secure with you—or with your coparent? You're not alone. While there isn't a simple questionnaire to measure a child's sense of security, attachment theory provides valuable insights into how children form relationships with their caregivers.In this episode, we discuss the Strange Situation—a groundbreaking assessment developed by Mary Ainsworth to evaluate a child's attachment style. We break down what different attachment styles reveal about the parent-child relationship and their long-term effects on emotional well-being.Key Takeaways:

Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns? Whether it's constant worry about abandonment or a tendency to keep people at arm's length, these behaviors - known as attachment styles - aren't set in stone. In part one of this two-part series, therapist Tony Overbay examines the science of attachment theory, tracing its development from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's pioneering "Strange Situation" experiment to current research demonstrating how people can actually change their relationship patterns. Through clinical examples and accessible explanations, Tony breaks down how early experiences with caregivers create blueprints that influence adult relationships - and more importantly, why these patterns can evolve. Tony explains how understanding attachment style connects to emotional maturity and self-awareness. Listeners will learn about different attachment patterns, how they manifest in daily life, and why these early-developed patterns aren't a reflection of personal failure - they emerged before conscious choice was possible. This episode provides the foundation for a deeper exploration of attachment style change and relationship transformation. For anyone dealing with trust issues, abandonment fears, or struggles with emotional intimacy, the discussion offers concrete insights into becoming more secure in relationships. Part 2 will delve into specific strategies for building secure attachments and showing up differently in relationships. As Tony often says, "You're not broken, you're human" - and humans have a remarkable capacity for growth. 00:00 Welcome Back and New Beginnings 00:28 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Maturity 02:05 Personal Struggles and Emotional Growth 04:40 Podcast Updates and Future Plans 06:59 Introduction to Attachment Theory 10:06 The Strange Situation Experiment 12:28 Attachment Styles and Their Impact 17:25 Early Childhood and Relationship Templates 21:04 Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood 22:07 The Painful Dance of Intimacy 23:52 The Role of Fathers in Attachment 24:37 Presence and Radiance: A Father's Influence 26:18 Emotional Safety and Consistency 29:31 Navigating Emotions and Independence 39:53 Challenges of Absent Fathers 44:12 Healing Attachment Wounds 44:33 Conclusion and Next Steps Find more from Tony Overbay: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/ Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998 Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Hvor går egentlig grensen mellom å gi barnet store mengder trygghet, kjærlighet og beskyttelse, og samtidig skape rom for at barnet skal utvikle seg til å bli et selvstendig og trygt individ. Når tipper dette over til å bli overbeskyttende?  Her besvarer vi et spørsmål fra en kjærlig far, som ønsker å gi barnet sitt alt - men som også undrer seg over hans egen bakgrunn:  Kan den litt "harde" barndommen ha gitt meg noe positivt?   Å lære barna om følelser er noe av det beste du kan gjøre som foreldre. Vise dem at ingen følelser er farlig og være en trygg favn de kan falle i når de tråkker litt feil.  For det vil skje - det er kun et spørsmål om tid. Vi kommer som alltid med våre personlige erfaringer og reflekterer også over spørsmålene om trygghet, kjærlighet og den potensielle verdien av utfordringer i oppveksten  Barns emosjonelle behov – spesielt behovet for trygghet, kjærlighet og bekreftelse,  er helt avgjørende for en sunn utvikling. Forskning viser at disse elementene bidrar til barns kognitive og emosjonelle utvikling, samt til deres evne til å bygge sunne relasjoner i voksenlivet. Psykologer som Daniel Siegel og Gabor Maté har utforsket hvordan trygg tilknytning og følelsesmessig støtte spiller en sentral rolle i barns utvikling og psykiske helse. Vi tar utgangspunkt i noen kjente teorier fra blant annet: Daniel Siegel, kjent for sitt arbeid med barns hjerneutvikling, hevder at trygg tilknytning danner grunnlaget for hvordan barn oppfatter seg selv og verden rundt dem. Når barn føler seg trygge, kan de utforske omgivelsene sine, utvikle selvtillit og bygge en indre stabilitet. Dette skjer gjennom relasjoner der foreldre er sensitive og responsive til barnets behov. Tilknytningsteori, utviklet av John Bowlby og senere utvidet av Mary Ainsworth, understreker at barn som har et trygt bånd til omsorgspersonene sine, er bedre rustet til å håndtere stress og motgang. Gabor Maté har fokusert på hvordan mangel på kjærlighet og bekreftelse kan påvirke barn negativt, spesielt når det gjelder oppvekst under vanskelige forhold. Han mener at barn som opplever kjærlighet og emosjonell bekreftelse fra foreldrene, utvikler en sterk følelse av egenverd. Dette kan beskytte dem mot psykiske utfordringer senere i livet. Bekreftelse handler om å se barnet for den det er – med alle sine følelser og behov – og gi dem rom til å uttrykke disse på en trygg måte. I tillegg til trygghet og kjærlighet understreker både Siegel og Maté viktigheten av emosjonell støtte og foreldrenes evne til å mentalisere. Mentalisering er foreldrenes evne til å forstå og reflektere over barnets indre tilstand. Daniel Siegel kaller dette "mindsight," evnen til å gjenkjenne og forstå både egne og andres følelser. Dette hjelper barn å regulere sine egne følelser, da de får oppleve at følelsene deres blir møtt og anerkjent.  Her er noen praktiske råd: Vær sensitiv og responsiv: Lytt til barnet og prøv å møte dem med åpenhet, spesielt når de viser sårbarhet. Vis empati og aksept: Anerkjenn barnets følelser uten å dømme eller bagatellisere dem. Dette viser at følelsene deres har verdi. Gi regelmessig oppmuntring og bekreftelse: Ros innsats og følelser, ikke bare prestasjoner. Dette bygger indre motivasjon og en sunn selvfølelse. Mentalisering: Reflekter rundt barnets følelser sammen med dem. Dette hjelper dem med å forstå og håndtere sine egne følelser bedre. Forskningen til Siegel og Maté, sammen med andre forskere innen tilknytningsteori og emosjonell utvikling, viser hvordan trygghet, kjærlighet og bekreftelse er avgjørende for å støtte barns helhetlige vekst. Barn som får disse grunnleggende behovene oppfylt, utvikler evner til selvregulering, empati og sosialt engasjement – egenskaper som er sentrale i et meningsfullt voksenliv Ved å gi barn rom til å føle seg trygge og sett, legger vi et sterkt grunnlag for deres psykiske helse, motstandskraft og evne til å håndtere utfordringer i livet.   Spørsmål til egen refleksjon og samtale med partneren din: Hva er det viktigste du vil at barnet ditt skal føle i oppveksten? Hvordan påvirker dine egne opplevelser som barn måten du oppdrar dine egne barn på? Hvordan kan du best hjelpe barnet ditt med å utvikle selvstendighet og motstandsdyktighet?

Bindung ist die Grundlage vieler heutiger Erziehungsstile, doch was hat es mit Bindung überhaupt auf sich. Woher kommt die Bindungstheorie und gibt es so etwas wie eine Bindung wirklich?

Unlock the secrets of your relationship dynamics  as we take a deep dive into the world of attachment styles. Ever wondered why some relationships feel secure while others are filled with uncertainty? Join us as we explore the foundations laid by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, tracing how our earliest bonds with caregivers shape our adult connections. Discover how understanding these patterns can empower you to break free from generational cycles and foster healthier, more secure attachments. This episode offers not just insights but a promise of transformation, guiding you towards more fulfilling relationships and a deeper sense of self-awareness.As we journey through the intricacies of secure and anxious attachment styles, you'll find yourself reflecting on your own relationship patterns. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, we shed light on emotional intelligence and the importance of self-awareness as cornerstones of personal growth. Whether you're navigating the emotional roller coaster of an anxious attachment or striving for the balance of a secure one, this discussion promises to enhance your understanding and inspire positive change. Remember, self-improvement is a continuous journey, and while this podcast provides guidance, seeking professional help when necessary is crucial. Tune in for an episode that's both enlightening and empowering, and embark on a journey towards healthier, more balanced connections.Send us a text❤️ Are you codependent? Take a Codependency Quiz, https://thecodependentdoctor.com/quiz/✨Please contact me for any questions, comments or ideas for future episodes at codependentdoctor@gmail.com

In this hair raising episode of Put Em On The Couch, we explore the psychology of fear, starting with a chilling reflection on the 1966 mass shooting at the University of Texas. Join me and co-host Nelson as we discuss a range of fears—rational and irrational—beginning with John B. Watson's infamous experiments. Nelson shares his thrill-seeking experiences, while I confront existential fears like extinction and loss of autonomy, drawing on Mary Ainsworth's research in developmental psychology. We also examine Chapman University's latest survey revealing Americans' top fears, including cyberterrorism and corrupt government officials, and how political leaders use fear to manipulate. Our conversation delves into the biology of fear, particularly the role of the amygdala, and the difference between fear and anxiety. We explore quirky irrational fears and the therapeutic potential of fear experiences, as highlighted by researcher Margee Kerr. As we wrap up, we encourage listeners to transform their fears into action as we approach the election, emphasizing the importance of staying engaged and empowered. Tune in for an enlightening exploration of fear—its origins, consequences, and how we can navigate it in our lives! Listen now and confront your fears with us!

Rachel Teichman, LMSW, explains the psychological experiment known as the Strange Situation, which examines attachment in infants, while Victor Varnado, KSN, adds his take on how this study has influenced parenting. Part one of this discussion focuses on the experimental setup and the groundbreaking findings by psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Tune in for a deep dive into developmental psychology.Produced and hosted by Victor Varnado & Rachel TeichmanFull Wikipedia article here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_situationSubscribe to our new newsletter, WikiWeekly at https://newsletter.wikilisten.com/ for a fun fact every week to feel smart and impress your friends, and MORE! https://www.patreon.com/wikilistenpodcastFind us on social media!https://www.facebook.com/WikiListenInstagram @WikiListenTwitter @Wiki_ListenGet bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you Anxious in connections? Avoidant to your current partner? Perhaps you're not moving from a place of a Secure attachment style. Today's episode, we are diving into the findings of Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby. After reading the book 'Attached' and going through my own relationship turbulence, I have learnt about attachment styles more deeply, and would love to share my findings with you. How to heal your anxious attachment style is a commonly asked question, and in today's episode, I am sharing my own, or others', tips and tricks to moving toward a Secure attachment style. I hope it helps! See you all next week, Dom x

In the labyrinth of human relationships, the extent to which we reveal or conceal our past experiences can profoundly shape the quality of our connections. This essay explores the intricate dynamics of being a "partially open book" in intimate relationships, drawing from the insights of renowned thinkers such as Krishnamurti, Dr. David R. Hawkins, Robert Anton Wilson, Babette Rothchild, Thomas Campbell, Iyanla VanZant, Amit Goswami, Queen Afua, Eckhart Tolle, Ross Rosenberg, Wayne Dyer, Paramahansa Yogananda, John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Sri Yukteswar, and others.

Understanding Disorganized Attachment with Talia Bombola, LMFT | The Blueprint Podcast Description: In this insightful episode of The Blueprint Podcast, host Jason Smith welcomes licensed marriage and family therapist Talia Bombola to discuss the complexities of disorganized attachment. Talia provides a deep dive into this often misunderstood attachment style, drawing from her extensive training in psychoanalysis and her therapeutic practice. Key Topics Discussed: Introduction to Disorganized Attachment: Talia explains the origins and characteristics of disorganized attachment, referencing the foundational research of Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby. Impact of Childhood Experiences: A detailed exploration of how chaotic and alarm-inducing interactions with primary caregivers shape disorganized attachment, highlighting the prevalence and consequences of such experiences. Behavioral Manifestations: Understanding the unique push-pull dynamics in relationships and the psychological defenses that individuals with disorganized attachment develop to cope with childhood trauma. Comparison with Other Attachment Styles: Differentiating disorganized attachment from avoidant and anxious attachment styles, focusing on the absence of consistent caregiving models and the resulting relational patterns. Challenges in Relationships: Discussing the difficulties faced by individuals with disorganized attachment in forming secure, healthy relationships and the potential for relationship sabotage driven by unresolved trauma. Therapeutic Approaches: Insight into effective therapeutic strategies for managing and healing disorganized attachment, including the importance of therapy in achieving earned secure attachment. Personal and Relational Growth: Emphasizing the significance of self-awareness and therapeutic support in overcoming disorganized attachment and fostering healthier relational dynamics. Join Jason and Talia as they navigate the intricate world of disorganized attachment, providing valuable perspectives for anyone looking to understand this attachment style better, whether for personal insight or professional development. Subscribe & Follow: Don't miss out on future episodes of The Blueprint Podcast! Subscribe and follow us on YouTube for more expert insights and engaging discussions. Connect with Us: Host: Jason Smith Guest: Talia Bombola, LMFT Social Media Links: Follow The Blueprint Podcast on Instagram, and Facebook. Contact Us: Have questions or topics you'd like us to cover? Reach out through my Stan Store! Disclaimer: The training is intended for informational and educational purposes, it is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, and/or treatment. Please consult your medical professional before making changes to your diet, exercise routine, medical regimen, lifestyle, and/or mental health care. Your background, education, experience, and work ethic may differ. There is no guarantee of success. Individuals do not track the typicality of its student's experiences. Your results may vary. https://988lifeline.org/

In the exciting second season finale of ESG Unlocked, we are delighted to introduce a dynamic panel of experts representing three generations. They share their insights, experiences researching, and perspectives working within a workforce spanning five generations. Hosted by Pamela Mutumwa, our esteemed guests include Dr. Joanna Massey, a Board Chair, Director and Management Consultant; Mary Ainsworth, Chief People Officer at Blackline; and Riley Alvis, an Account Executive at ISS-Corporate. Together, they bring a wealth of knowledge and expertise, delving into the challenges, opportunities, and benefits of a diverse age range in the workplace. Tune in as they share their varying generational experiences and explore how companies can embrace these differences to foster a safe, sustainable, and successful work environment.Host: Pamela MutumwaGuests: Dr. Joanna Massey, Mary Ainsworth, Riley Alvis

Today, you'll learn about how our perception of when old age hits is changing, a baby's response to a happy face, and the housekeeping habits of neanderthals. When is Old Age? “Perception of when old age starts has increased over time, shows study.” by Nicola Davis. 2024. “Psychology and Aging.” APA PsycNet database. 2024. “The shift from old age to very old age: an analysis of the perception of aging among older people.” by Emile Escourrou, et al. 2022. Sensative Mothers “Researchers uncover link between maternal sensitivity and infant brain responses to happy faces.” by Eric W. Dolan. 2024. “Mary Ainsworth's legacy: a systematic review of observational instruments measuring parental sensitivity.” by Judi Mesman & Rosanneke A G Emmen. 2013. “Love on the developing brain: Maternal sensitivity and infants' neural responses to emotion in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex.” by Jessica A. Stern, et al. 2024. Neanderthal Homes “Study: Just Like Homo sapiens, Neanderthals Organized Their Living Space in Structured Way.” Sci News News Staff. 2024. “Study Compares Neanderthal and Modern Human Living Spaces.” Archaeology. 2024. “Homo Sapiens and Neanderthal Use of Space at Riparo Bombrini (Liguria, Italy).” by Amelie Vallerand, et al. 2022. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you possess an avoidant attachment style, you might find that your voice grows louder in moments of distress, and you may become critical or demanding. This tendency can often lead you to focus predominantly on the negatives within your relationship, making it difficult to recognize positive aspects unless the relationship ends. Interestingly, these behaviors are often subconscious strategies aimed at creating a sense of safety, yet they can inadvertently distance you from your partner. This may leave you questioning why you react so and wondering if something is fundamentally wrong with you. It's important to understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Your behaviors are adaptations from your childhood experiences, which can be addressed and healed. If you ever feel perplexed by your actions and reactions, I encourage you to listen to this episode. Enjoy! Jen Resources: To learn more about the basics of attachment theory, listen to Episode 1. EP1 - Five Things You Need to Know About Attachment Theory https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/podcasts/psychotherapy-central/episodes/2148037195 To learn more about the basics of avoidant attachment, listen to Episode 2. EP 2 - Avoidant Attachment Explained https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/podcasts/psychotherapy-central/episodes/2148041419 Extra Resources Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon One-on-one Therapy Sessions with Jen or her Team: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/bookings Meet Your Inner Child Course: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/meet-your-inner-child-registration FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Also, join Jen in her exclusive online program to help you heal from an insecure attachment style and break repeating patterns in your relationships: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/rcb-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Connect on socials: • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central • Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central • Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral • Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/psychotherapycentral • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-nurick-psychotherapist

Hey everybody - Travis here - today I am excited to dive into a foundational concept in psychology that's pivotal for personal growth and relationships - Attachment Theory! While we don't have a guest on today's episode, I will guide you through this enriching topic.In this episode, we're going to explore some fundamental areas:1. **Origins and Founders of Attachment Theory**: We delve into the mid-20th century work of British psychologist John Bowlby, often regarded as the father of attachment theory. Bowlby focused on the bond between the child and caregiver and how these early relationships impact emotional and psychological development throughout one's life. Plus, we'll discuss how Mary Ainsworth expanded on Bowlby's work with her famous Strange Situation experiment, which classified different attachment styles.2. **Types of Attachment Styles**: Understanding the four primary attachment styles - Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) - and how each style manifests in relationships and personal behavior. We'll also touch on how these styles influence conflict resolution and mental well-being.3. **Impact on Relationships and Mental Health**: How your attachment style affects your interactions, conflict management, and overall mental health. Securely attached individuals tend to have better stress management and healthier conflict resolution, while those with insecure attachment styles may struggle more in relationships and mental health scenarios.Challenge Question: Reflecting on your personal relationships, can you identify any patterns that point to a specific attachment style you may have? How do these patterns influence your interactions and conflict resolutions with loved ones?So grab a notebook, because you're going to want to take notes as we navigate this complex yet crucial aspect of personal development. And remember, understanding your attachment style can be the first step towards healing, growth, and more fulfilling relationships.SUPPORT THE SHOW:CLICK HERE!JOIN THE MAILING LIST & GET INVOLVED!CLICK HERE: MAILING LISTWATCH ON YOUTUBE:WATCH HEREConnect and Support Travis:YouTube: Travis GoodmanInstagram: @integratedmanprojectCheck out the Website: TBD

When you possess an anxious attachment style, you might find that your voice grows louder in moments of distress, and you may become critical or demanding. This tendency can often lead you to focus predominantly on the negatives within your relationship, making it difficult to recognize positive aspects unless the relationship ends. Interestingly, these behaviors are often subconscious strategies aimed at creating a sense of safety, yet they can inadvertently distance you from your partner. This may leave you questioning why you react so and wondering if something is fundamentally wrong with you. It's important to understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Your behaviors are adaptations from your childhood experiences, which can be addressed and healed. If you ever feel perplexed by your actions and reactions, I encourage you to listen to this episode. Resources: To learn more about the basics of anxious attachment, listen to Episode 3. EP 3 Anxious Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623929027 Extra Resources Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Also, join Jen in her exclusive online program to help you heal from an insecure attachment style and break repeating patterns in your relationships: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/rcb-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Connect on socials: • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central • Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central • Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral • Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/psychotherapycentral • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-nurick-psychotherapist

Discover the transformative power of secure attachment in our latest podcast episode, "The Mindset of Secure Attachment." Hosted by Jennifer Nurick, a seasoned psychotherapist. This episode delves into how developing a secure attachment can significantly enhance your relationships and self-awareness. This episode explores five key aspects of secure attachment. Jennifer provides in-depth analysis and practical advice on cultivating these traits in your life, explaining how they lead to more stable, reliable connections and a healthier, more positive self-image. Listeners will learn how secure attachment allows for self-reliance and meaningful closeness with others, helps manage and express emotions constructively, and encourages a reflective mindset that embraces growth and learning from mistakes. This episode is not only insightful but also offers practical benefits that can improve your interpersonal relationships and personal development. Whether you want to deepen your connections or enhance your emotional intelligence, "The Mindset of Secure Attachment" provides valuable guidance and support. Tune in to build more satisfying and resilient relationships and enhance your journey towards personal fulfilment. Connect with Jennifer on Instagram for personalised advice and insights. Let's grow together in understanding and implementing the principles of secure attachment. Enjoy the show! Resources: To learn more about the basics of attachment, listen to my earlier episodes: Ep 1: 5 Things You Need to Know About Attachment Theory https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623522185 EP 2 Avoidant Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623584769 EP 3 Anxious Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623929027 EP 4 Disorganized Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000624299907 Extra Resources Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Also, join Jen in her exclusive online program to help you heal from an insecure attachment style and break repeating patterns in your relationships: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/rcb-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Connect on socials: • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central • Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central • Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral • Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/psychotherapycentral • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-nurick-psychotherapist

Over half a century, Sarah Blaffer Hrdy has challenged many of our myths about parenting, attachment, and "human nature". In this conversation, we dive into her remarkable career, culminating in her new book, Father Time. [You can now order Father Time via Amazon or Princeton Uni Press] We discuss a variety of topics, from hunter-gatherer parenting to the limitations of comparing humans to chimpanzees. We also discuss "allomothers", attachment theory, and the tragedy of infanticide. We finish with a discussion on the remarkable social changes in fatherhood and the neuroscience that has enabled it. As always, we finish with Hrdy's reflections on humanity. Timestamps 04:15 Myths 10:11 Attachment Theory  20:53 Hunter-Gatherers 24:35 Modern Parenting  26:04 Infanticide  34:00 Monkey parenting (in South America) 36:10 Why we share  40:00 Husbands or aunties? 43:10 Father Brains ANNOUNCEMENT I'm writing a book! It is about the history of humans, for readers of all ages. Do you want access to early drafts? Become a member on Patreon.com/OnHumans⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LINKS Want to support the show? Checkout ⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/OnHumans⁠⁠⁠⁠ Want to read and not just listen? Get the newsletter on ⁠⁠⁠⁠OnHumans.Substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ MENTIONS Terms: allomothers, mobile hunter-gatherers (i.e. immediate return foragers), matrilineal and patrilineal kin Names: Edward O. Wilson, Robert Trivers, John Bowlby, John Watson, Charles Darwin, Mary Ainsworth, Melvin Konner, Barry Hewlett, Nikhil Chaudhary (#34), Nancy Howell, Martin Daly, Margot Wilson, Amanda Reese, Judith Burkart, Carl Von Schaik, Alessandra Cassar, Ivan Jablonka, Kristen Hawkes (#6), Ruth Feldman (#3), Richard Lee

Apego não é papo de hoje, embora desapego pareça que sim. Em 1950 os psicanalistas John Bowlby e Mary Ainsworth desenvolveram a chamada Teoria de Apego. Eles estudaram de que forma os bebês se comportavam ao serem separados dos seus cuidadores e dividiram esse sentimento em quatro “tipos” vamos dizer assim: apego seguro, ansioso, evitativo e desorganizado. E o que nós, mulheres adultas, temos a ver com isso? Pois bem. Lá pela década de 1980, os psicólogos Cindy Hazan e Phillip Shaver descobriram que os adultos exibiam padrões de relacionamento semelhantes em suas relações. Em 2010, Amir Levine e Rachel Heller, transformaram isso em um livro e, claro, em uma hashtag: estilo de apego. Eles revelam que há indícios da evolução humana, inclusive, neste tipos de apego. Segundo eles, “há vantagens evolutivas em sermos mais sensíveis a ameaças ou em sermos mais independentes”. Vimos a febre desse termo por aí e pensamos: será que apego é só ruim? O excesso de desapego pode nos levar a posturas egocêntricas ou ampliar a sensação de solidão? Não temos a menor condição de ter esse papo sozinhas! Estamos muitíssimo bem acompanhadas pela psicanalista e mestre em psicologia pela USP, Fabiana Villas-Boas. ------------------ APOIE O PODCAST! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.apoia.se/donasdaptoda⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- O ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Donas da P* Toda⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ é um podcast independente. Produção, roteiro e apresentação: Larissa Guerra e Marina Melz. Edição e tratamento de áudio: Bruno Stolf. Todas as informações em ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.donasdaptoda.com.br⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ e ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@donasdaptoda⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Vamos conversar? Larissa Guerra: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@larissavguerra⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Marina Melz: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@marinamelz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Bruno Stolf: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@brunostolf⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Join hosts Andrew and Lara as they delve into the intricate world of romantic relationship attachment styles. Unpacking the groundbreaking theories of psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, the duo explores how the quality of our early caregiver relationships shapes our intimate adult connections. Discover the four main romantic relationship attachment styles - secure, anxious, avoidant-dismissive, and disorganized - and learn how each influences how we navigate intimacy, trust, and conflict. Through engaging discussions and relatable stories, Andrew and Lara shed light on the complexities of our relationships, offering valuable insights into why we love the way we do. Whether seeking to understand your attachment style or enhance your relationships, this episode provides practical tips and strategies for building healthier, more fulfilling connections. Tune in to unlock the secrets of romantic attachment and embark on a journey towards deeper self-awareness and emotional growth. Listen to the full episode now.  To read the Healthy Wealthy Wise Artist podcast show notes, Head here Copy the URL: https://larabiancapilcher.com/2024/04/09/whats-your-relationship-attachment-style-discover-why-you-love-how-you-do/

Healing from the invisible wounds of childhood trauma is a journey many embark on, but few speak about with such candor and depth as we do on our podcast. Anchored by the emotionally resonant words of Antoine Fisher's poetry, our latest episode explores the profound effects of early adversities and the resilient spirit that can emerge in the face of such challenges. Drawing from my learnings in a recent class on adolescent and child psychology, I weave a narrative of hope and potential for recovery, inviting listeners to understand the complexities of trauma through a lens of compassion and knowledge.As we navigate the terrain of a child's psyche, we confront the developmental repercussions of trauma and its insidious ability to mold behaviors and relationships. The episode takes an earnest look at the significance of attachment styles rooted in the pioneering theories of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, uncovering the lasting impact of our formative bonds. Such discussions are not just academic; they serve as a beacon for those striving to comprehend their own life stories or seeking to support the vulnerable young souls around them.Concluding with a soul-stirring chapter on faith and hope, I reach out to listeners with reassurances of intrinsic worth and the promise of unwavering love. Sharing my own tales of survival and the life-affirming presence of Jesus, I aim to embolden you to find solace and strength within your own narrative. As we press pause on the conversation, remember that the threads of support and understanding are ever-present, ready to be picked up and woven into a tapestry of healing when we return. Join us as we continue to share heartfelt dialogues that shine light into the overlooked corners of our lives.You ARE:SEEN KNOWN HEARD LOVED VALUED

Ever felt tethered to the past by invisible threads, unsure why your relationships mirror a dance of anxiety, anger, and neediness?  I'm here to explain how the bonds forged in our earliest years shape the way we love, parent, and connect with the world. Our 4-week series through attachment styles starts with the anxious type, revealing how it can subtly dictate our life choices and relationships. Weaving together insights from pioneers like John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, this conversation is a treasure trove for those seeking to understand the delicate interplay between childhood experiences and adult relationships, particularly the less-discussed perks of having an anxious attachment style and the transformative path toward 'earned secure attachment.'This episode is not just about theory; it's a roadmap to self-discovery and healing, particularly for anyone navigating the aftermath of a divorce or striving for healthier partnerships. We'll explore the magnetic pull between anxious attaches and avoidant partners who heighten their insecurities, a paradox that often leads to heartache. It's not all about challenges—there's a silver lining where vulnerability becomes our greatest strength, and an anxious attachment style serves as a community's early warning system. By the end, you'll be equipped with a fresh perspective on how to recalibrate your attachment compass, leading to relationships that aren't just sustainable but deeply rewarding.Loneliness Roadmap on HeartBeatPost Divorce Roadmap - 21 Days of Guided JournalingFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawnInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnwiggins/On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction in the process of forgiveness.

Dagens episode skal blant annet handle om tilknytningsteori, men det skal også handle om tillitsbrudd i viktige relasjoner. Jeg skal snakke om hva som skjer når barn blir sviktet av sine omsorgspersoner og hvordan deres reaksjoner kan ligne reaksjonene til voksne mennesker som blir sviktet. Jeg skal zoome inn på utroskap og hvilke utfordringer som dukker opp når to mennesker skal forsøke å gjenopprette samliv og tillit etter utroskap, og jeg skal innom ulike varianter av utroskap, men alt sammen skal rammes inn i tilknytningsteorien basert på studier av John Bolwby, Mary Ainsworth og mange flere. Som avslutning på dagens episode skal jeg også presentere en ganske interessant liste. Det er nemlig en kjent samlivsekspert og psykologiprofessor som har laget en liste med 15 spørsmål som du kan stille deg selv om din egen relasjon. Dette er et slags svar på et spørsmål denne eksperten, som heter Gary W. Lewandowski får oftest, nemlig«Hvordan vet jeg at jeg er i et forhold med den riktige personen?»Lewandowski er altså parekspert, psykologiprofessor ved Monmouth University i New Jersey, og grunnlegger av nettsiden Science of Relationships.Nå har professoren satt sammen en liste med 15 spørsmål, som skal hjelpe folk å finne svar på dette dilemmaet: Er jeg sammen med rett person? Hvis du lurer på det, kan du få med deg smørbrødlista over relasjonelle spørsmål som gir deg svaret. Hvis du svarer Ja på alle 15 spørsmålene, så er du ganske trygg. Men først skal vi altså gjennom en tilknytningsteoretisk episode av SinnSyn. Velkommen skal du være! Få tilgang til ALT ekstramateriale som medlem på SinnSyns Mentale Helsestudio via SinnSyn-appen her: https://www.webpsykologen.no/et-mentalt-helsestudio-i-lomma/ eller som Patreon-Medlem her: https://www.patreon.com/sinnsyn. For reklamefri pod og bonus-episoder kan du bli SinnSyn Pluss abonnent her https://plus.acast.com/s/sinnsyn. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you are avoidantly attached, dating can feel like a complete minefield. You might have had people tell you that you are aloof, a closed book, secretive or not open to a relationship, even when you would like a relationship more than anything else. Moving into deeper intimacy can feel terrifying, whether you acknowledge it and are aware of it or not. Often, it is part of your subconscious that blocks intimacy before you have any conscious say in the matter. This can be incredibly frustrating and painful for you and your partner. It can be a confusing time. In this episode, Jen discusses the four factors that make dating difficult for the avoidantly attached and her 9 top tips for dating when you have an avoidant attachment adaptation. Resources: To learn more about avoidant and anxious adaptions - listen to Episodes 2 and 3. EP 2 Avoidant Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623584769 EP 3 Anxious Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623929027 Extra Resources Heal Your Anxious Attachment by Jennifer Nurick Attachment by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Follow Jen on: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral Visit my website: www.psychotherapycentral.health

Elevated Man Podcast with Apollonia Ponti  Dating A Woman With A Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style! (Make Her WANT You MORE) Do you feel like the woman you're dating is not fully there? Do you see that sometimes, when things get serious, she pulls away? If you ever see her doing the push and pull, but she is not fully committed, Then you might be dating a Fearful-Avoidant, Attachment-style woman. In this podcast episode, Apollonia Ponti delves into the intricacies of dating a woman with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, shedding light on strategies to enhance your appeal and foster a more profound connection while dating a fearful-avoidant attachment style woman.  Apollonia has worked with many clients to see a pattern in a man dating a fearful-avoidant woman.  However, by offering insights into the dos and don'ts of navigating a relationship with a woman exhibiting fearful-avoidant attachment tendencies, Apollonia provides valuable guidance on establishing and sustaining a lasting bond. She will give you essential advice for those currently dating a woman with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, including effective communication techniques to prevent unintentionally creating distance in the relationship. So, if you're struggling to date a woman with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, how do you know if you're dating a fearful-avoidant attachment style woman, and how do you finally open her up? Then, this is the podcast episode for you! Key points in this episode: 0:33 - Apollonia talks about the different attachment styles. But in today's podcast, she will discuss one attachment style: A fearful, Avoidant Attachment Style. 1:25 - A little background on the theory of Avoidant Attachment Style. John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth tested their attachment theories by analyzing babies' earlier experiences. They saw a pattern of how they would develop later in life in personal growth and relationships. 1:50 - People with Secure Attachments are easy to show affection and interest. They uphold their values, exclude confidence, and, most importantly, set boundaries for people around them. 2:06 - What is an Avoidment Attachment style? Unlike Secure Attachment, they value independence. They hate the idea of being controlled or settling; this leads to unfilling or long-lasting relationships. 3:02 - You might see people with an Avoidment Attachment style holding on to friendships or relationships. However, they have one foot out the door, ready to leave when things get serious. 4:04 - They fear emotional and physical commitment and lash out when confined. They often do things alone and would rather not seek emotional support since they don't trust people. 4:18 - Like Avoidant Attachment, Anoxius Avoidant has some same qualities. They lack self-confidence, suppress their emotions and don't seek help. And unlike Avoidant Attachments, who like to do things alone, they would instead be alone to avoid getting hurt. 5:26 - To date someone with a Fearful, Avoidant Attachment style, you must know when and how to communicate your frustrations. When she promises to call or text and still doesn't, don't get mad, and send her a fury of texts immediately. Take a deep breath, relax, and then send your text. 6:08 - Communicate like adults. No demanding, no controlling the situation, talk. List your needs and wants, and listen to hers. 7:05 - Be patient with her. It's hard to do when she keeps pushing her away and wants to be alone. But remember, she likes to be alone to ease her anxiety. She needs time to think, sometimes requiring her to withdraw a bit. 7:50 - Tap into your empathy, but dont try to fix her. Understand her emotions and let her name her feelings. Support her, but don't push her. If you see that she doesn't want to express her feelings or change, except her or move on to another relationship. You can't change someone to fit your needs, but you can express your desires and wants. 9:31 - Respect their boundaries and maintain your independence. Sometimes, trying to rush the relationships and Fearful, Avoidant Attachment may try to run away at the sight of commitment. That's why giving her space is one way to make her know you respect her boundaries while maintaining yours. 10:47 - The most important thing to do when dating and fearful-avoidant attachment is not to be clingy. Picture this: you have a close friend who tries to cling to you and wants to know everything you do the whole day and every day. This can be overwhelming, so give her space. And she will go to you.  "I love Apollonia; her tips have helped me with my dating!"

You suspect (or have been told by your partner) that you are dating someone who is anxiously attached. You are growing in love for them, and want to be close to them, but it feels difficult. You are wondering if there are any tips or things to remember as you move into more vulnerability and connection with this beautiful person. You are in the right place. In this episode, Jen will help you know if you are dating someone with anxious attachment and then give you her six top tips for moving into deeper intimacy. Enjoy! Jen ______ Resources: Heal Your Anxious Attachment by Jennifer Nurick To learn more about avoidant and anxious adaptions - listen to Episodes 2 and 3: EP 2 Avoidant Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623584769 EP 3 Anxious Attachment Explained https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974?i=1000623929027 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Extra Resources Attachment by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon Park, Y., Johnson, M. D., MacDonald, G., & Impett, E. A. (2019). Perceiving gratitude from a romantic partner predicts decreases in attachment anxiety. Developmental Psychology, 55(12), 2692–2700. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000830 FREE TRAINING: I'll take you through the three stages of transformation: Discovery, Healing and Growth. We will explore Attachment Styles, and I'll share with you three things you can do to help you have more effective conflicts that don't deteriorate into relationship killers: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/cycle-breaker-registration Join Jen in her exclusive online program to help you heal from an insecure attachment style and break repeating patterns in your relationships: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/rcb-registration Browse Jen's suite of online courses: https://www.psychotherapycentral.health/store Follow Jen on: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy.central/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/psychotherapy.central/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral Visit my website: www.psychotherapycentral.health

The world of relationships and attachment styles from a neurodivergent perspective is complex and sometimes misunderstood as characteristics of neurotypes and attachment styles overlap and shape social interactions and dynamics. In this episode, Patrick Casale and Dr. Megan Anna Neff, two AuDHD mental health professionals, talk about partnerships, attachment theory, and relationships across various neurotypes. Top 3 reasons to listen to the entire episode: Understand the unique challenges neurodivergent individuals face in feeling connected and present in social situations, and how their experiences with attachment styles can differ significantly from societal norms. Identify how the impact of sensory and neurodivergent perspectives on attachment styles can shape relationships in profound and often misunderstood ways. Hear the personal stories and experiences of Patrick and Dr. Neff in relationships before diagnosis and after, including the fantasy of relationships and whether behavior is based on attachment styles or neurotypes. By exploring the complexities of the neurodivergent experience and attachment styles, it can become clearer how you communicate and what you need to enjoy more balanced and healthy relationships where your and your partner's needs can “mostly” be met. Additional Resources Neurodivergent Insights Interpersonal Workbook: Neurodivergent Insights Workbook: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/neurodivergentstore/p/interpersonal-workbook Can Autistic Children Be Securely Attached? By Debra Brause Psy.D. (Psychology Today) The Attachment Project: Great articles and resources on attachment theory   Transcript PATRICK CASALE: Okay, so welcome back to another episode of Divergent Conversations Podcast. Megan and I haven't recorded in a couple of weeks, because I've been traveling. We are back, I am sick, Megan has brain fog, story of our lives. MEGAN NEFF: This will be an interesting episode. PATRICK CASALE: This will be an interesting episode. So, we were bouncing around the ideas of talking about attachment theory, and neurodivergence, and potentially, even dipping our toe into the water of just discussing partnerships within our own neurotypes and our own relationships. So, where do you want to start? MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, those are big topics. I think attachment theory would provide the structure to then talk about partnerships. So, attachment theory? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. So, Megan may or may not give the bird's eye view on attachment theory. And we don't want to go too far into the clinical realm of that. But we do like to set the stage. So, if you have something you want to share or kind of- MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. PATRICK CASALE: …put a foundation? MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, before recording, I was saying like, I like doing that bird's eye view, but also brain fog. It would be easier if I had a transcript. And I think some of the theory will naturally interweave as we talk. But bird's eye view goes back to the 60s, John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. And initially, it comes from kind of parent-child interactions, and that they noticed distinct patterns of how infants responded when… it's called the Strange Situation, is kind of the big study that's often cited and how infants responded, well, typically, mom, again, talking about 1960s. So, there's a lot of gender and it was typically mom and baby who went into the study, into a room, and then mom would leave, and come back. And they were gauging, like, how does the infant respond? For securely attached infants, mom was like a kind of safe haven, a secure base is what they call it. And so because mom was there, the child felt more free to go and play with the toys and to explore… there's another, the researcher, there's another person in the room. With more anxiously attached children, they protested when mom left, and then had a really hard time letting mom up or not letting mom, being soothed by mom. Again, typically mom, care provider, primary attachment figure, we'll say that, when primary attachment figure came back would have difficulty being soothed by them. With a securely attached kid, they'd still protest, but they could be soothed by the caretaker when they come back. And then with avoidant, kind of, didn't protest as much when caretaker left and it wasn't as easily self-soothe. But then what they noticed is like heart rate still went up. So, stress markers still went up. Okay, that's my brain fog version of this strange situation. Where the research got, I think, even more interesting is when they started realizing that attachment style continues, and started looking at adult attachment style. And then that shows up in romantic partnerships. And I think that's probably where we'll talk more about today. But it gets pretty interesting when we start looking at attachment theory and neurodivergence. Like, some of the questions that come to my mind is, you know, does this theory and framework fit for us? Is one of the questions I have. The research shows ADHD and autistic people tend to be more insecurely attached than neurotypical people, which makes sense to me. But again, I wanted it to be like, well, how much is that capturing our true attachment style? And how much is that capturing other traits that might make us look avoidant? Or look insecure really? Or anxiously attached? How was my brain fog version of attachment theory? PATRICK CASALE: I think you did a wonderful job. So, you know, as Megan kind of said, attachment theory is interwoven throughout not just childhood development, but throughout adolescent and young adult development too, certainly plays a role in both platonic and romantic relationships, and how you kind of show up, and how you feel safe, secure, connected to the people around you. And I think there's some, like, stuff that's really interwoven here when we're talking about neurodivergence, neurodevelopment, and we're talking about like, feeling safe, feeling secure, feeling like you're attached or connected to, or safe with someone. And this goes far beyond just, like, that emotional feeling of safeness, right? Like, there's also just the ability to be mentally safe and to be neurologically safe, too. So, this is a complicated conversation. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, for sure, for sure. So, one of the interesting things about attachment theory is the idea the first year your attachment to your primary caregiver becomes kind of like a blueprint, that that becomes your template. And you tend to continue to attach that way. And it can vary, of course, and people can… it's called earned security, when you earn a secure attachment. But this is where I think cross-neurotype gets really interesting. Like, if you've got a primary caregiver and an infant who are cross-neurotype, typically, you're not going to know that in the first year. And what might be attunement to one neurotype, right? So, like, eye contact, holding, touch, right? Well, might be attunement for say a neurotypical infant, might be dysregulated and intrusive for an autistic infant. So, I think that's pretty interesting when we start thinking about early development and cross-neurotype and attunement, because that attunement is what's so important for that secure attachment to take root. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, and that attunement can so easily be missed, or misidentified, or misclassified, especially, when we're talking about infancy and, you know, any sort of development where the child is not able to actually communicate their needs or have their needs met. And then it can also play a role for that caregiver, too, if it's really challenging to cap that connection with the child as well. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. And the caregiver, like, might be really confused, because things they've learned is like, this is supposed to be soothing for my child, but it's not. And then depending on that caregiver's role, like that can activate their own attachment stuff. Yeah, it gets, I think, really complex, and yeah. PATRICK CASALE: What's been the- MEGAN NEFF: So, what, oh, go ahead. PATRICK CASALE: Go ahead. MEGAN NEFF: I was like, "Okay, this is a lot of theory." I was going to ask, I was going to take it to our experience, because I know we've both talked about, like, "Yeah, we're avoidant." PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. Oh, for sure. I mean, when I started learning about attachment theory, I was like, I think there was a part of me that was probably like, "I resonate with anxious attachment." And there's some anxiety of like, that push/pull kind of mentality of like, I come closer you back away, or vice versa. But then I realized more and more like, by doing my own work avoidant style made a lot more sense. And, you know, to all the folks who are, you know, well versed in attachment theory, a lot of folks that are labeled as avoidant attached get a bad rap. You know, because we feel like, this person is self-soothing all the time, this person wants to do things on their own, they cut people off very quickly, they disconnect very quickly, they look for the littlest thing in relationship to kind of move away. It's really hard for me to create this, like, connection. It feels one-sided. And I think that is a challenging label sometimes for people to kind of be classified under when you start talking about all of this different characteristics of attachment. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah, I would say both forms of insecure, both avoidant and anxious get pretty bad raps of like, anxious on the other side is like, oh, you're so needy, blah, blah, blah. Avoidant, like you don't care, you're cold. And I've heard it said that behind every avoidant attachment person is a very anxiously attached person, which I was like, I think that's an interesting idea to play with. But also, yeah, I mean, these things ebb and flow more than any attachment grid will show, right? Like, based on context, and relationship, and life. Yeah, so the thing I'm curious about, Patrick, for me is before I knew I was autistic, when I learned about attachment, I was like, "Okay, yeah, avoidant, totally ticks the boxes." Now, I'm wondering, like, "Okay, how much of that has to do… Like, how much of that is true attachment stuff, like, from my early childhood and these things, and how much of that is autistic traits?" Like, I don't like touch. Touch is really hard for me. I like to be alone. I get overwhelmed by people's emotions, positive or negative, so I retreat. A lot of that is due to my autistic neurology more so than… it feels like more so than my attachment. So, that's where I'm like, huh, it's hard to tease out what is my autistic needs and self-soothing versus what is like true attachment style. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, that's a great point. Like, how do we differentiate what is neurology? What's attachment system related? What is interwoven and connected? I think about this exercise I did, I was doing this like intensive three days somatic-based attachment training several years ago, DARE training. I think it's dynamic attachment re-patterning experience. And one of the… what's the word I'm looking for? One of the workshops or the protocols that we were doing was like, all right, come into a room, walk towards the person sitting on the couch until you can tell that they no longer want you to walk any closer to them based on like, eye contact, based on body language, based on posture. And that's like your window of attachment or tolerance. And I felt like mine was, like, so massive, because I was like, "I don't want to make any eye contact. You know, like, I don't want to have any of this connection in terms of you walking directly at me to, like, approach me in this way." So, that's something that stands out to me in terms of like, chicken before the egg situation. Like, how to literally figure out which is which? Or which is both. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, because like, yeah, same for me. People approaching me feels very intrusive. And yeah, I think probably both, because having those needs, and I would say, like, sensory needs, because a lot of being around people is a sensory experience, probably then shapes our attachment style. So, yeah, I don't think it's an either-or. PATRICK CASALE: What about you for your experiences? You said you felt like, okay, you're on more of the avoidance style. But if we were to take that step back and say behind every avoidant is an anxiously secure, or anxiously attached, do you have any examples of that for yourself? MEGAN NEFF: Totally. Oh, yeah, I want to talk about this too. Like, so there's this study. I don't think it was peer-reviewed, but it was really interesting. And it's been a while since I looked at it, but looked at like infatuation kind of predating during dating, and maybe attachment or just connection between autistic and non-autistic people, and it showed autistic people tend to have higher infatuation, like, before dating, and then it decreases kind of more rapidly than neurotypical. So, I was like, "Oh, that relates." In college. I had three month's relationships, but I always… so there's this idea of like, a person can become a special interest, right? And I've definitely had that experience. And I would say when a person becomes a special interest, that more anxious attachment stuff does show up. But it's complicated, because part of my attachment is to the fantasy of that person. And I would now say, okay, this is going to sound weird, the fantasy, oh, gosh, this is one of the things I'm like saying and I'm like, "I'm not sure what to say." The fantasy of being non-autistic. Oh my gosh, I'm actually getting emotional, because in the fantasy when people become special interests, I can be close to them and it's not intrusive. And I can feel connected in the way that like I long for. And that's really hard for me, because being in relationship and being close to people feels so intrusive. But in my fantasy, especially, when people become special interests I get to experience a non-intrusive intimacy. PATRICK CASALE: Thank you for sharing that, and just being willing to share that, and be really vulnerable about it. Yeah, I can sense that emotion, I can feel that, and I can really take that in. That makes a lot of sense when you put it that way too, because it allows you to feel deeply connected. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: So, I would like to just name that and put that out there. MEGAN NEFF: I mean, I don't like emotion. I talk about that pretty regularly. I also think the most… what's the phrase? Like, the most personal is the most global, I think. Perhaps even now based on conversations that there will be people that relate to that. For me, like I have talked about this in writing, this is the hardest part about being autistic is, the way I put it in writing a couple years ago is like, my soul longs for connection and my body longs for isolation. And that to me is the hardest part about being autistic. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I can deeply relate with that. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, does my emotion bring up anything for you? PATRICK CASALE: I'm feeling like protectiveness of you. And, you know, you hate physical touch, I hate physical touch, but it makes me want to, like, hug you, embrace you. But I think you just said that perfectly, too. Like, the soul longs for connection and the body yearns for isolation. I think that is pretty spot on. And you know, I say so often, like, the autistic existence is a torturous one. And I think that always my world that I seem to default to. And I think that's why is just that intense push/pull of "Damn, I want to feel like connected a part of, attuned to. And damn, I need to get away as fast as possible, because I am so uncomfortable physically." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Uncomfortable, dissociated, foggy. Like, I used to say that all the time, like, I just want to be in my experience. And what I didn't realize I was saying is like, I'm dissociated and I'm not in this moment. And particularly, in like social, like, the things that you're supposed to feel connected in, right? The big ceremonies, and rituals, and holiday gatherings, these are times where I'm, like, supposed to feel connected and around people. And these would be times that I'd feel the most disconnected. PATRICK CASALE: Which, you know, in regards to what we're talking about, it has further impact in terms of like, your attachment system, too, when these big societal norms/like cultural norms for certain pockets of people, and you're supposed to be connected, and feel joyous, and celebrate, and close to, and present, and all you can feel is dissociated, or foggy, or numb, or just not present in any form. It makes you feel even further other than those situations where it's like, "See, I truly, really don't belong here." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, and then the like, "What's wrong with me?" Narrative comes on of like, "What's wrong with me? Like, these people are in this experience. Why can't I just be in it?" PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. It's a weird timing that we're talking about this considering, like, we're going into like, some major holidays in the United States. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. I think holidays is a hard season for a lot of us. I mean, for a lot of humans, but I think, especially, autistic people. Yeah, you know I talk about clashing needs a lot, like in clashing values. Like, talk about clashing values. Like, I want my kids to have memories with extended family over the holidays. I don't want to travel. I don't want to be in a room with more than seven people. Like, yeah, it's a hard time of year for a lot of folks. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, it's a hard time in so many different ways. And then bring in the neurodivergent component. And there's almost, like, anticipatory grief. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: Like, we're recording, what's the day? November 14th. I have no idea when this will air, probably after Thanksgiving here in the States, but it'll probably air before Christmas. And there is anticipatory grief, for me, at least. I'm sure for you in some ways, too. You've mentioned about your kiddos and your husband. But like, my wife wants to be around her family. She wants to go be close, and connected, and all the things, and there's, like, this anticipatory grief for me where it's like, I can't show up the way she would want me to in a lot of ways. And I also I'm like, conserving energy for a month straight to be able to participate for six hours of my life, which will then therefore drain me for a week of it. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, gosh, I have so many visceral memories. We don't travel as much. But like, when we did travel to see Luke's family or even sometimes, like, extended time with my family, like, I would feel like I became someone else. Like, I'd become a very irritable version of me and again, I couldn't be present, I couldn't get into the experience. And I always do this preparation thing of like, okay, like you're going to be yourself this time. Like, I didn't have other any other words, and just like I don't become myself. And I didn't understand what was happening. I just knew that anytime, especially, if we traveled, like, I became a version of myself I really didn't, like, I'm not normally a very irritable person, but I certainly am when I have lost my routines, and I'm traveling, and I'm, like, all the things. So, I hear you on, it's like the grief of, I know I'm not going to be able to show up the way I want to for my wife's family. Like, I feel that. And like, for you, as I remember, for me, I'd be like, "Okay, I just need to flip a switch, I can do it." Like, is there that kind of like belief you should be able to just flip a switch and show up the way you want? PATRICK CASALE: Oh, totally. I mean, and I think that can even be enforced sometimes like, or reinforced through messaging that you receive. And I know like, before, maybe my wife and I really knew each other or like what I needed, my system needed, and that it wasn't just being selfish, or like, I didn't want to participate, where it would almost be like a pep talk of like, "You can show up for one day of your life. Like, you can do that." And sometimes I will even have to say it out loud to myself, like, give myself like this, you know, man in the mirror speech where I look at myself, and I'm like, "Yeah, you can do this, you can like, handle six hours, you can manage this. So, you can make it through whatever the event is." Not specifically just talking about her family, because that's not the truth of it, truly any gathering. And then, so often, just, you know, continuously having to rely on just either one alcohol or two complete silence and isolation. And I would become also like, irritable, short one to two-word answers. When people are talking to me, people would label that as like antisocial, dismissive, rude, whatever labels we want to throw on to that presentation. And it just further makes you feel disconnected, because I think, for me, and I don't know about for you, I then go into, like, this internal dialogue of like, trying to force myself out of that reaction where it's like, "Stop reacting like this. This is not how you want to come across. Like, all you have to do is like, just respond for two sentences." And maybe that will break down this, like, internal barrier, but then you just default back to the same, and it feels harder and harder and harder to then like, really show up in a way that you want to. I don't know if I'm making sense. MEGAN NEFF: It makes so much sense and I relate to that so much that like, okay, don't do it this way, do it this… and like that becomes part of the stress, right? Of like, again, this idea I should be able to do something different here. PATRICK CASALE: Yes. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. That is where, like, discovering autism has been really helpful, because I was genuinely just so confused. And of course, reverted to, like, I'm a bad person, or now it's like, "Okay, I understand that I have an inner part of my nervous system that is shut down. And like, that's what's happening to me right now." And it doesn't mean that I, like, feel awesome about the situation or the engagement, but I understand it, which is helpful. PATRICK CASALE: I agree, 100%. The understanding may not always be helpful in some ways, but it is helpful in other ways, where it's like, at least you're no longer doing this, like existential search for what the hell is happening here? And you just default to like, okay, this is happening. Doesn't make it any more awesome. Like, the experience is still painful, but at least I understand why it's painful. I think that helps a little bit. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. Oh, for sure. I mean, I think, you know, I feel like I talk about this a lot here. I'm such a fan of, like, self-attunement through self-narration, of like if I can narrate what's happening, that is a form of like, radical self-attunement. So, I think that opens up the opportunity for self-compassion in those moments of like, okay, this is a hard moment, versus like, I know, for me, what it was before is, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just get in it?" And I was like, "Okay, this is a hard moment, this is what's happening." It's a very different self-experience in those moments. PATRICK CASALE: So true, so true. We diverge mightily. MEGAN NEFF: I mean, it's all like- PATRICK CASALE: It's all connected. MEGAN NEFF: …clustered around attachment and intimacy. And yeah, it's interesting. I'm not a dualist in the sense of like, I don't like to separate kind of mind, body, you know, that kind of Descartes dualism that took hold and shaped much of western history. But when it comes to this conversation, I actually find the dualistic lens a little bit helpful in a sense of like, there is this really very real split I experience of like, what I long for, and then what my body can handle. And I do think that, of course, it's going to shape attachment, then, an attachment style. PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely. I also think, you know, just on that, in this perspective too, it's like, for those of you listening and wondering, okay, am I just now forever labeled avoidant attached, insecure, anxious attached? You can actually be in different attachment styles with different people in different relationships. And those can evolve based on learning, healing, growth, introspection, understanding. So, this is not a like, black and white, and all be all situation, either. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And that's where, like, an ebb flow, kind of hold on attachment theory, I think is really helpful of yeah, like, there's an attachment quiz out there where to, like, map you out on quadrants, like, both your parents, friends, and then romantic partners, kind of how you lean in those different relationships, which I think that's interesting. But yeah, the idea that like we can heal secure attachment and I think it's going to look different for autistic people. Like, actually I feel really securely attached to my spouse, my children, I would even say my parents. It doesn't look the same way. I need a ton of space. If you were looking at me, you might not say I'm securely attached, you'd say avoidant, but I do think I am securely attached in those relationships. PATRICK CASALE: I actually think that's the perfect, like, depiction of what we're trying to talk about right now, is that from the outsider's perspective, right? If you're just taking into consideration attachment theory, which there's a lot of things that are missed and mismarked opportunities there as well, in attachment theory, but if we're talking about like, for just specifically, looking at it from attachment theory perspective, and you're saying, oh, well, Megan's disconnected, Megan's on their own, isolated, whatever, must not be secure attachment. But what I'm hearing from a neurotype perspective, and a neurology perspective is, is very secure if the people on the other side are also understanding like, mom needs a break, mom needs to read, mom needs to self-soothe, mom loves us, and is in a different room. Like, that takes into account the sensory needs, which I think is where we're trying to create that much more complex picture. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely. And that's where like, I would love to see attachment theory kind of adaptive for neurodivergent folks of like, what are kind of the markers? Because I think, like most things, you have to go more into the subjective experience and rely less on those behavioral markers. PATRICK CASALE: Right. And I think that's so important to make a notation of too, is to create some evolutionary language and vantage points on terms of how we view attachment theory for neurodivergent folks, because if our neurotypes are different, if we're talking cross-neurotype relationships, if we're talking about, you know, a neurotypical parent, and a neurodivergent kiddo, or vice versa, or partnership, there's going to be all of these new almost like things, and what's the word I'm looking for? There's going to have to be new ways to really, I don't want to use the word adapt, that's not the right word, to become more comfortable within relationship, understanding that not every single relationship is going to look like this, you know, textbook definition of what one needs to look like. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And I think for both partners and parents who aren't also, specifically, autistic understanding, because like, I'm sure you see this a lot, right? In cross-neurotype partnerships where, you know, one person's need for space, like that can activate a whole story for the other partner of like, this person's pulling away from me and… oh, I lost the thought. There was a thought but it flew away. PATRICK CASALE: It's probably because I took so long in that convoluted way of saying what I was saying. MEGAN NEFF: I don't think it's… Oh, my brain [INDISCERNIBLE 00:30:01]. PATRICK CASALE: You're right, though. I mean, and I think, like, if we're talking about, okay, this person needs space, this is what their sensory system needs is space, but the attachment system doesn't need space. Like, in their embodied experience this is actually like the safest place for them is to have that space, because that means they feel very connected to you to be able to take that space, but then you have someone who might be on the anxious insecure side where it's like whoa, this person is pulling away, they don't love me anymore, they don't care about me, let me come closer. And then odds are you back even further away and it creates that anxious avoidant man. PATRICK CASALE: Yes, what is it called? Brain fog is so interesting, like things I used to be able to pull into mind dance something pattern, it comes from EFT, the pursuit distance or dynamic is a kind of a classic, because here's the interesting thing, when you are insecurely attached, you're actually more likely to partner with someone who's also insecurely attached but from the other side of the road. So, like if you're avoidant, you might partner with an anxiously attached vice versa, which then of course, there's going to be like, some messy dynamics that show up so that distance or pursuer is what's talked about of like, there's the pursuit, because for… We haven't talked a whole lot about kind of anxious attachment but for anxious attachment, when there's an attachment, kind of insecurity, they need closure. Like, they need to work it through with the person. The avoidant person needs space to regulate, to be able to come back to our conversation. But that can create that pursuer's coming closer because that's what their attachment needs to down-regulate. The avoidant person's distancing, because that's what they need space to down-regulate. And then the pursuer distance or dynamic because it, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: And around, around we go. MEGAN NEFF: And around, around we go, yeah. Yeah, so I'm married to someone who's securely attached, but like, introverted and does really well with alone time. And I realized the reason all my other relationships didn't work before I met Luke was they weren't as independent. And so at some point, my relationships always made a turn where they started feeling really intrusive and really not good. And so that's been interesting. Typically, too, like, avoidant people don't get together romantically. And again, I wouldn't say Luke and I are truly avoidant, but we're very independent. And like, it's not a classic pairing you see a lot. But I realized, like, I absolutely needed someone like that. Like, I wouldn't work with someone who also had like high need for independence and wore separations okay, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I think that's a good point. And it's good to know what you both need and then to be able to find it is, I wouldn't say it's a rarity, because it's certainly not. But it does take a lot of like, introspection, and discussion, and communication about needs too. And then each partner being confident in their ability to offer that and offer themselves what they need. I think that's equally as important. Like, knowing what you each, you've mentioned this before, when we're talking about partnerships, but like, just the fact that partnerships, you should not always be solely rely on your partner for joy, happiness, contentment, relational like connection. Like, you've got to get that elsewhere too. And I think you have to have the confidence in both of yourselves and each other to be able to have that space to also have your own interests, to also have your own friendships, also have your own like downtime where every single second doesn't have to be interwoven. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: What are you thinking about that? MEGAN NEFF: I was just thinking about how helpful it would be like, you know, when people are making life partnerships, like to know about things like attachment style and neurotype and like, how these things overlay, and like, just think about how helpful all these lenses are, and how, like, rarely, I think the younger generation they're getting there, but how rarely we enter into these partnerships with these lenses that I think can really unlock so much understanding and alleviate a lot of pain. PATRICK CASALE: For sure, for sure. I don't even think I knew the word attachment until I was like 26, 27. You know, I really didn't know much about my own neurodivergence at that time, if any at all, and then, you know, through partnerships like doing a lot of trying to figure out like what's working? What's not working? Why are certain relationships typically ending? What am I missing upfront or vice versa? And I think for, like, my marriage, you know, we're going on 10 years of being married at this point in time, a lot of it at first was doing that dance of like, that anxious avoidant like situation. And I would say my wife is way less avoidant or anxious, probably more secure than a lot of folks. But ultimately, when I would push away, because I needed to push away and I didn't know why I needed space, or I didn't know why I needed to isolate or disconnect, she wouldn't go anywhere. And I think that created that feeling of safety of like, now I can start verbalizing like, this is what I need, this is why I need it. It had nothing to do with you. I just didn't realize like I need a lot of time to be alone, and to be autonomous, and to be independent. MEGAN NEFF: I love that. I love she didn't go anywhere. And that's a secure base, right? Like- PATRICK CASALE: Exactly. MEGAN NEFF: She stayed secure. She was there. And she wasn't punishing like when you came back. It wasn't, "And you need to be punished before we can reunite." PATRICK CASALE: Exactly. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. I don't know if this relates, I'm curious. So, yeah, dating, I did it a bit. And yeah, again, I'd hit a part like where it started feeling intrusive and I'd get, oh, this sounds really bad. I'm going to have a vulnerability hangover after this episode, Patrick. Now, again, I understand it, but when it started feeling intrusive, I would get grossed out but my partner's and once it turned it was really hard to unturn it. I now realize I think it was kind of a sensory, like, you know, I have misophonia. So, like, I joke with my spouse of like, I just won't be in the same room when he's eating cereal. Like, because I will forever be like, grossed out by him and it'll linger for a while. But it would do this thing where it would turn in my relationships and I want to be able to recover. And I think it was kind of a sensory grossed-out meats intrusion. And I couldn't then like recover from that feeling of intrusion. So, I definitely had a point of like, am I ever going to find a long-term partner? Is marriage ever going to work for me? Or am I always going to have this experience of it turning? And then, right, all or nothing. Like, once it's ruined, it's ruined. Was dating hard for you? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. So, I'm actually glad you named that, too. So, I had similar experiences where like, if I was dating, I was really… I wouldn't use the word infatuated, but I was definitely much more excited about the relationship and the person at first. And then- MEGAN NEFF: Same. High, high infatuation or like [CROSSTALK 00:37:56]- PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, so I was like, and you probably then come across like more charismatic, you come across like more interesting, you come across- MEGAN NEFF: Well, special interest energy, right? Like special interest energy plus new, like romance energy. Like, oh, my gosh, it is a powerful combo. PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely, absolutely. So, this is, again, another example of where we could say attachment, or neurotype, or neurology, right? Or the combination of the two. So, a lot of people who are attachment-oriented therapist would say, like, "The avoidant style, that's very typical." Where, like, you would get really infatuated, you'd be really excited. And then you'd start to pull away, you'd start to find little things about your partner that make you no longer feel connected to them so that you could have your autonomy, and your freedom, and your independence, and you could no longer be connected. But if we're framing it from the neurodiversion perspective that you are mentioning, like the sensory component, and the intrusiveness, and the feelings of like, "Oh, my body no longer feels safe and it no longer feels like excited, it no longer feels secure in this." That's exactly what I think is missing from a lot of this literature, too. MEGAN NEFF: And that's where, to return to what I was saying earlier, which I can now revisit without so much emotion. Like, I think a lot of us spend a bit of time in fantasy. And I think, like, that's where fantasy of an ideal relationship or an ideal person, especially, in that early infatuation period becomes so seductive because in fantasy we aren't sensory creatures, in fantasy we don't have, like, that turn when there's a sensory unpleasant experience. And I think that can make relationships hard, right? Like, we are infatuated, many of us might be fantasizing. Okay, I'll speak from my experience. I get super special interest energy, so curious about the person. I think the person would, typically, like my curiosity and my interest feel, I don't have the word… But then I would do a lot of fantasizing, and idealizing, and building it up. No relationship can live up to that, no reality can live up to that. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. And then when it doesn't and you're no longer in that special interest energy, and maybe your sensory system is being more activated, because of some sort of partnership or relationship, and then all of a sudden the pendulum swings almost the complete opposite way. And I wonder, even like, we're talking a lot about this from an autistic perspective, which I feel like we tend to frame most of this podcast from, but I wonder about the ADHD type 2 where stimulation and you know, really [CROSSTALK 00:41:05]- MEGAN NEFF: Oh, my gosh, yeah, absolutely. PATRICK CASALE: Right? And like, yeah. MEGAN NEFF: No, that's a huge like, okay, I'm going to do a little detour. I was talking with one of my children and I could just tell their affect was a little bit different. I was like, "Are you sad?" And they were like, "No." And then they were like, "I feel sad, but I don't know why." And then I looked, and I was like, "Are you understimulated?" And their eyes opened up and they're like, "Yes, I'm understimulated." And I've started noticing, you know, I've been married 15 years, that like times when I have, like, started to feel discontent in my marriage and I just think everyone experiences seasons of that, if you're married for a long time, what I've realized is like, oh, I was under-stimulated. And that lens of understimulation has been really helpful of like, I'm not discontent with my spouse, I'm like experiencing under stimulation. Okay, I need an infusion of creativity or some sort of stimulus. But I think that happens a lot for ADHDers is, once the relationship is not as stimulating, it can be tempting to let me go look for that elsewhere. PATRICK CASALE: Yep, yep, I agree with that 100%. So, you know, stimulation seeking, right? And then when we have that dopamine, when we have that adrenaline rush, when we have all the feel-good chemicals in our body, and then all of a sudden it's like, well, that same person, that relationship, the stimulation is missing, so it must be something wrong with the relationship. MEGAN NEFF: Right, right. PATRICK CASALE: And how often can you be in partnership where it's stimulating 100% of the time? I don't think that's possible. MEGAN NEFF: Right. But I think when our, like, especially, if we don't understand our like, need for stimulus, yeah, exactly. It's so easy to go that narrative of like there must be something wrong here, because we're, yeah… So, okay, kind of a rabbit trail, but also, I think, important, because we're both, as far as I know, from you, Patrick, we're both in monogamous arranged partnerships. A lot of neurodivergent people are polyamorous or have different structures. And I think this is perhaps one of the reasons, especially, for autistic ADHDers, like if you have a frame that supports that, I see why that works for a lot of people, because you get the new relationship energy, and you have the secure base when well done, right? When there's a lot of good intentional conversations and the framework around it is setup well. So, it kind of, I thought about that of like, yeah, that makes sense where that works well for so many folks. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, I think that makes perfect sense in a lot of ways. I think that's why my marriage works really well even though it is a monogamous one. It's non-traditional in a sense, where people will look at the fact that we spend a lot of time apart from one another and say, like, "Is everything okay at home? I see that Patrick's traveling by himself all the time and you're never with him." Or she like has so many friend groups, and so many book clubs, and so many things that she's involved in. And I don't often go to those things, or to those events, or to those parties, or any of those things. So, there is this, like, level of autonomy, and independence, and almost separateness within the marriage and relationship despite, like, neither one of us very often feeling disconnected from each other. MEGAN NEFF: That like, yeah, I'm smiling so big right now, because like, yeah, that's my marriage, and that's why it works. Does it work for Arielle? PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, for Arielle, it works. I think there are definitely times she would prefer that I would definitely come to a get together, or a party, or like, I could at times be more spontaneous with my answers instead of nine times out of 10 being like, "Nah, I don't want to do that." But I think it does work for this stage of our lives. I think the first couple of years it was challenging for her to be like, "What fuck is going on? Like, my husband doesn't want to come to anything with me." MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And essentially, as soon as I asked that I'm like, "Oh, of course, it works for Luke." But Luke is also, my spouse, I might have him listen to us before we are just to make sure, you know, he's cool with everything. He's a very, very, like intense people-pleaser. So, I also realized, like, and one thing I've been encouraging him to do… Again, this might sound controversial, I've been telling him like, "Hey, I both celebrate and grieve my, like, autism diagnosis. You get to do that, too, because like, it impacts our relationship." And he's started slowly, like, you know, there's a concert in town that he was like, "Oh, yeah, I did have the thought of, like, it'd be nice to like, go to that with you. And I know that that wouldn't happen. Or that if we did that, that would be really hard for you." And I'm encouraging him to explore his grief around this. So, I'm also realizing, yeah, I do think it mostly works for us, but also that there can be grief for the spouse. And I think it's so important we let our spouses experience that without it feeling like that's ableism, that's just part of the complexity of human relationship and emotion. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, and you've actually mentioned that exact scenario on here a couple of times now. And I think it's important, like, it's not only important, it's like paramount to be able to really help support your spouse have their own emotional journey within partnership about what their experience is like, because I'm sure there are times where Arielle is like, "Man, I'm going to this thing tonight, and there's going to be a lot of people there. And I might be one of the only partnered people that is there solo." And that can feel like, you know, there's something wrong on the home front. When I'm traveling all over the damn worlds by myself and people are always like, "Oh, are you married? Do you have a partner? Like, where are they? Like, do they come with you on these events?" I'm like, "Yeah, they do. They have four weeks of time off and they hate traveling. So, this is just the balance that we have found that works for both of us." And I think it gives me that stimulation, and that sensation seeking that I need, and that freedom. And it just works. So, I do think finding out what works is important, like you said before, have we had known this earlier on in our lives, it would probably save ourselves, our partners, our friends a lot of pain, but I'm glad to have arrived to it now. And before it was too late to do that. MEGAN NEFF: I think what I'm feeling like just a lot of gratitude that we both found people that like, because I think for both of us it takes kind of unique people to be able to be married to us. PATRICK CASALE: Yes. MEGAN NEFF: And I'm really glad we both found people for whom we've been able to build a life that's secure and also like works with our sensory needs. And I think sounds like works for our partner's needs as well, mostly. PATRICK CASALE: For sure. I like the mostly caveat, because that's probably the case. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, I mean, I don't want to, like, be, yeah, totally works for me. I'm sure of it, yeah, mostly. PATRICK CASALE: This will be a good episode to then have both of them on here, like we talked about. MEGAN NEFF: We talked about that. We have talked about having, yeah, do you want to do like a four-way conversation? PATRICK CASALE: I think it'll be pretty cool. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Oh, goodness. I think that'd be really interesting. Yeah, I'll try to see if Luke's up for that. PATRICK CASALE: No pressure. But yeah, I think, again, as so many of these conversations are, there is so much nuance and complexity here. And it's not just attachment style, it's not just neurotype or neurology, it's everything. And I think we have to assess and look at everything when we are trying to figure out not only our client's, you know, struggle areas in terms of their relational relationships and their attunement, but our own, and our friendships, and our partnerships with our families, et cetera, and really taking neurodiversity into account and consideration when we are looking at relational dynamics. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, absolutely. PATRICK CASALE: Other thoughts? MEGAN NEFF: Is this our ending? Yeah, I don't feel like I have anything to add to that. I kind of feel like we're at our awkward goodbye time. PATRICK CASALE: I like that it started awkward. We both were kind of foggy, we both were kind of cloudy. And then it developed into what I think was a really good, powerful conversation. And I'm just grateful for you too, in terms of if we're looking at attachment in friendships, because we haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks. And we're both not feeling great, but I'm pretty happy with how that turned out. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, same, same. PATRICK CASALE: All right, everyone who's listening, so Divergent Conversations is out every single Friday on all major platforms and YouTube. You can follow us on Instagram as well. Like, download, subscribe, and share. And, goodbye.

There has been increasing attention paid recently to Attachment Theory, which came from research by John Bowlby (1951), and Mary Ainsworth (1967) and has been confirmed and expanded over the intervening decades.  Attachment Theory described the psychological connection between humans, that is based in the connection between babies and their primary caregiver- typically their mother.  According to the theory, early patterns of behaviour establish fundamental feelings of safety and security that play out for the rest of our lives- most recognisably in our adult romantic relationships.  Join your hosts as they discuss Attachment Theory, and how they have experienced it in their lives. Learn about the four attachment styles, and hear methods to progress towards Secure Attachment, even if early experiences set the groundwork for a different style to naturally manifest.  Melon and Mike refer to a free online quiz where you can find your own style: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/?utm_source=google-search&utm_medium=cpc-lead&utm_campaign=18002521897&utm_term=&gc_id=18002521897&h_ad_id=669729918143&utm_content=personal%20development%20school&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA35urBhDCARIsAOU7Qwnf69T3l6RU6CrHOh_xA_inad1keG_8RB-RPmQiKeN6DCim6VOEbs8aAss8EALw_wcB Subscribe, Like, Share and Review our podcast. Don't miss out on our Instagram Christmas Giveaway be sure to enter and follow our kind sponsors! Let us know what you think! Goals for 2023:  -100 ️️️️️ Ratings on Apple Podcasts  -50 Written reviews on Apple Podcasts   -500 Followers on FB, IG, and YouTube!  #PBC #PushingBackChaos #Podcast #HMG #HeroesMediaGrp #Veterans #goals #Transition #Military #Hobbies #Operationonceinalifetime #attachmentstyles #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #secureattachment #attachmenttheory   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attachment Theory has been a part of the conversation in psychology and therapy since the 60's. Listen in this week as Anni shares how learning attachment styles can be helpful not only when talking about children, but how this can influence adult relationships as well. We also learn how our careers are fake. 

Today I'm going over the history of attachment styles. If you are like me you'd like to know about the history of the things you learn. I go over the beginnings of attachment theory and talk about the pioneers, John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, and Mary Main.  If you don't if your strongest attachment style is the secure attachment style, the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the dismissive avoidant attachment style, or the fearful avoidant, also known as the disorganized attachment style, I have two links for you to find that out. The first link is faster to complete and has some tools to help you with your attachment style. The second link is more detailed and can be taken multiple times to see how you are in different times of your life.  I also provided some book recommendations and online therapy discounts. Attachment Quiz 1 and resources: https://pds.idevaffiliate.com/151.html Attachment Quiz 2: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl Attached Book: https://amzn.to/3XYqMLX Avoidant Book: https://amzn.to/3Dlaovs Better Help Online Therapy 10% Discount: https://betterhelp.com/relationshipattachments Online-Therapy.com https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

For the transcript for this episode, visit the website at http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk Subscribe to the podcastSupport the showOn this episode, I dive into why hoarders are so fixated on stuff. Joining me is Dr Jan Eppingstall, who looks into the theory of transitional objects developed by Winnicott and how they shape our attachment styles. We explore how these objects serve as a source of comfort and self-soothing, representing our primary caregiver. Jan discusses how uncertainty can lead to people-pleasing and masking of emotions. We also learn about the impact of insecure attachment on hoarding behaviours and the role of belongings in forging connections and fulfilling our emotional needs. We also discuss the complex interaction between genetics and environment in hoarding tendencies. Tune in for a deep dive into the psychological factors behind our attachment to our possessions.- Transitional object theory by Winnicott- The role of transitional objects in comforting children, representing the primary caregiver- How transitional objects help children become independent and manage separation anxiety- Uncertainty and people-pleasing behaviours- Excessive attachment to belongings stemming from childhood experiences- Attachment styles and secure and insecure attachment- Using possessions to gain power, impress others, make connections- Attachment theory and its impact on hoarding behaviours- The use of possessions to forge connections - Possessions as non-confrontational and not disappointing compared to people- Attachment insecurity linked to negative thoughts about self-worth, shame, and unstable identity- Growing up in a hoard leading to disorganised attachment and attachment trauma- Understanding why people attach meaning to possessions- Possessions reflecting aspects of personality, intelligence, or past achievements- Ambivalent sense of self in hoarding and its relation to identity struggles- Common themes for hoarding: avoiding negative emotions, holding onto past happiness, validating past pain- Factors contributing to hoarding: instinctual nature of stockpiling and inability to avoid engaging with possessions- Coping mechanisms, their classifications as acceptable or unacceptable, and the tipping point to excessive behaviours- John Bowlby's attachment theory and its focus on distress and anxiety in babies when separated from primary caregiver- Influence of early separation on psychological well-being, based on experimental studies during the Blitz- The role of transitional object attachment - Mary Ainsworth's extension of Bowlby's research through the Strange Situation experiments- Identification of secure attachment and three types of insecure attachment: anxious, avoidant, and disorganised- Hoarding tendencies being more common among first degree relatives- Chromosome regions associated with hoarding, but no clear susceptibility genes identified- Limited support for a genetic predisposition to hoarding- Disproven hypotheses about hoarding and scarcity or deprivation- The interaction between nature (genetics) and nurture (environment) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week my partner Dr. Erin Boyce joins me to talk about one of her areas of study, attachment theory. We discuss childhood development, identity formation, the important of strong attachments to parental figures, authenticity, depression, repression, and lots more.For more on Attachment Theory, check out Mary Ainsworth's work.For more on attachment, authenticity and addiction, check out Dr. Gabor Maté's work. The Spectacle of Punishment and Dr. Junkie available at Amazon and B&N.

Your attachment style is like a blueprint for a house you want to build. You need to know what materials, expectations, etc., you need to make sure that the house will stand the test of time. It's the same for your relationships. You want to understand your attachment style to build a healthy relationship. By getting to know your attachment style, you can gain insight into how you approach relationships and what you need to feel safe and secure. Attachment theory was developed by psychoanalyst John Bowlby and his colleague Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s. Their research on child development and parent-child attachment patterns has since been expanded upon by many other researchers. It has become an important framework for understanding relationship dynamics in both childhood and adulthood.There are four attachment styles, Anxious preoccupied, Dismissive Avoidant, Anxious avoidant, and Secure attachment. To help you zero in on which you might be, I have listed 12 traits in this podcast for each attachment style. You may exhibit a couple or few of the behaviors of all the attachment styles, but we are looking for which you have more traits than others. Remember, this is not a diagnosis but a guide to understanding your attachment and how you can be aware of them to manage your emotions and relationships. The next episode will talk about how we can heal our attachment style. Support the Show.

Today, we're continuing our new podcast series on attachment, by diving into the history of attachment theory. If you like biography episodes, or learning about history, this episode will delight you. In this episode, we'll be talking about 3 of the main attachment players: John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, and Mary Main, and how their work […]

Do you really need another person in your life to be happy, healthy, and reach your greatest potential? When viewed like this, is codependency such a bad word? Sharla and Robert aren't sitting on the fence on this one. In fact, they are challenging the stigmas around the word codependency and the way society teaches us to apply that label indiscriminately — and oftentimes detrimentally.Their reasoning is backed by compelling evidence that ranges from the way mushrooms form underground networks in forests as a way to strengthen through connection, to studies on attachment, the Dependency Paradox, and the results of 'shock tests' administered when you are holding your partner's hand.Sharla and Robert weave their personal stories of childbirth, and surgery, and the profound impact that holding your partner's hand can have on your own empowerment – all the while gently changing the narrative around how we sensationalize independence at the expense of shared intimacy and support. This conversation is worth listening to repeatedly as we celebrate the fact that we are actually hardwired for dependency on the ones we love – and that embracing this fact can lead us to ever greater personal success in life.Join the celebration of the launch of our brand new podcast, "Master Your Marriage," and enter our giveaway for a chance to win an 8-week Coaching Program with us here: https://upvir.al/143028/lp143028"Our culture has taught us to really reject this idea of codependency, believing that true independence and self-sustainability is a much healthier form of attachment." ~ Sharla SnowIn This Episode:- Should we aim for less entanglement in our relationships?- Understanding when dependency is healthy in an intimate relationship- Sharla's recount of the birth of their last child and how Robert inspired and empowered her- What does our culture have to say about codependency – are we being misled? - Understanding why our need for attachment is a human condition- What can we learn from mushrooms about our need for human connection?- Appreciating oneness as a superpower and survival advantage!- How Sharla supported Robert through his hernia surgery- The more dependent we are on each other, the more courageous we tend to be when facing everything outside of our relationship- What if your partner isn't fully available to you? And so much more!Resources:- The 8 Pillars of an Exceptional Marriage - http://bit.ly/3Eksoqs- Attached (Amir Levine) - https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/- Flowers (Miley Cyrus) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7KNmW9a75Y- The Dependency Paradox - https://jeanhuber.com/the-dependency-paradox/- Mary Ainsworth's Attachment Theory - https://study.com/academy/lesson/mary-ainsworth-theory-biography-quiz.htmlConnect with Robert...

This week, on Best Friend Therapy, we're talking about attachments. No, not the Velcro and poppers kind, but the way we *emotionally* attach to other people. We look at the work of psychologists like John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, to get a better understanding of the way we develop expectations of other people, and how we might have created emotional defences to protect our vulnerability.We explain how strategies that set us up for safety in childhood might actually get in our way as adults, when it comes to making successful friendships, romantic relationships and professional connections. Emma tells us a story about a picnic blanket and Elizabeth reminds us of those mice and their cheese machines that we first encountered in Season One. ----This week's references include:"A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder" by Colby Pearce: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Short-Introduction-Attachment-Disorder-Second-dp-1785920588/dp/1785920588/ref=dp_ob_title_bkThe work of John Bowlby: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_BowlbyAnd Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation experiment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_situation---Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. ---Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayEmma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrellBest Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

This episode is heavy.    Mental health has been on my mind a lot lately as I try to figure out how to regulate my own mental health to stay in a place that is operable for everyday life. Lately, I have been struggling with regulating my emotions, grief, loss, and feeling consistent. As a result, I have been on a self-care journey doing reading, listening to experts, paying attention to my emotions and other people's emotions.    In my reading, I discovered the concept of attachment styles. Attachment styles are a theory first described by psychologists Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby which describes how we relate to others in our relationships. Particularly, attachment styles describe how we conduct ourselves during conflicts in those relationships. Our attachment style is shaped early in childhood during our first interactions we have with our caregivers and is later mimicked in adulthood.    Our special guest, Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, will share what these attachment styles are today. Dr. Fedrick is a licensed clinical therapist with a master's in counseling and a doctorate in psychology. She is also the owner of Evolve Counseling in Gilbert, Arizona, as well as the host of the Calm, Cool, and Connected Podcast.   I'm going to question Dr. Fedrick on childhood trauma, how it affects you in adult life, how it affects our attachment styles, different types of therapy, how your body responds chemically to trauma, and much more. We'll also discuss different types of therapy you can do and the role of mental health in society.   I'm really excited to have this conversation with Dr. Fedrick and have her share her expertise with us.     Follow Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick here:   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drelizabethfedrick/?hl=en    Calm, Cool, and Connected Podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1656793    Evolve Counseling: https://www.evolvecounselingaz.com/      Find Nick Thompson here:   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nthompson513/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXipWcR8Pit6vYHd1ZcKgKg

In this episode, Cath looks at how we can balance our own healing with raising children. She shares an analogy which might help you tend to your needs, especially if you struggle to allow yourself to prioritise your needs, because you learnt how to put your needs last. Cath explains why looking afteryourself is vital and an important role as a parent.She shares some concepts from 'Attachment Theory', referencing the work of John Bowlby, Mary Main and Mary Ainsworth. These are important toconsider because secure attachment is what we are aiming for, both for ourselves and our children. Many of us gain secure attachment in adulthood, through therapy and our own healing work. Cath talks about emotional regulation, what happens when we operate out of our survival states and borrows a term from economics as she explains a concept she uses to illustrate what happens when we have big responsesto our children's big feelings. She shares some detailed real life examples to help illustrate the point. This is a de-shaming, educational episode packed with insights.To subscribe to the journal questions please head to psychotherapymum.com or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/psychotherapy_mum/-16 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The girlies unpack attachment styles. They review Mary Ainsworth's original research on attachment, how we can view attachment theory through the idea of a multiplicitous mind, and talk about the many babies who were traumatized for the sake of science. Digressions include two iconic celeb sightings, Dr. Marten's checkered past, and what happens when you play Binchtopia over the frat house aux. Support the podcast on Patreon at patreon.com/binchtopia Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Sam, Diana & Christie chat about the origin of attachment theory, different attachment styles, and how understanding your personal attachment style can be beneficial to the way you relate to others. Together they discuss how to learn from, embrace and work with your attachment style, and build intimacy instead of shame with others. They also talk about how attachment styles might impact patterns of thinking, behavior, and personalities, and what we can do when differing styles cause friction in relationships. Have you thought about what your attachment style might be?Mentioned in the episode:Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's work on attachment theoryAttached by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A.Bridges Mental Health is a stigma-free hub for Asians, Pacific Islanders, and South Asian Americans (APISA) to discuss, navigate, and seek mental health care in NYC.Write to us with comments & questions, we'd love to hear from you.@bridgesmentalhealthbridgesmentalhealthnyc@gmail.comCover photo by Janice ChungTheme music by Will Marshall

Alex and T share a powerful tool they have found in their years of self-exploration and working with others. Attachment theory is one of the most researched and developed ideas in the field of psychology and relationships. Here is a little history both personal and about this amazing field of study. Covered here: the brilliant researchers, many of them women . . . Mary Ainsworth, Margaret Mahler, Mary Main, Patricia Crittenden, Carol George, as well as John Bowlby, and Dr. Daniel Siegel Books: Attached Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Becoming Attached Robert Karen The Developing Mind Dr. Daniel Siegel Strange Situation Bethany Saltman Links: Diane Poole Heller Attachment test Dan Siegel Video on Avoidant Attachment Alex's website: The Woman's Body Coach T's Website: BeingRealNow

In this episode, I talk about the different attachment styles and how they present themselves in infants as well as adults. Through doing this we are able to see the connections between the two stages of life, but also the capability for people to evolve and for their attachment styles to change.Later on, I discuss some research done by Mary Ainsworth that puts these attachment styles into the context of relationships and how different styles would interact with each other. Throughout this episode, you will gain more awareness into your own attachment styles and understand how you can use them to your advantage and create a happier and fulfilling life.

Express yourself fully and speak your truth!In this episode I have my girl Brittany Barcellos whom I met at an events workshop 2 years ago right before the pandemic shut down.How long have you had the fear of being seen? We talk about the attachment theory and how it has affected us as humans. We were raised thinking that we choose more for ourselves and as we get older we notice that we made certain choices because others wanted us to choose for them.Listen to this episode as we get detailed about the connection and disconnection from ourselves. IN THIS EPISODE, I TALK ABOUT:Are you playing small?Why are you hiding and is it a pattern?The attachment theory and the effect throughout life.Are you willing to be vulnerable and exposed? FOLLOW BRITTANY: INSTAGRAMFounder of LeadHer Helping Leaders LEAD THEMSELVES to the Life+Biz of their dreamsUnlocking more Freedom, Impact, & Abundance TOGETHER ​​ ✅  RESOURCES:Text: CREATE to 323-524-9857 to apply for my Get Up Girl Gang community If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating  and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser and Castbox. ✅  LET'S CONNECT:The Get Up GirlInstagramFacebookMonthly online fitness academy 

This week Kevin and Niseema continue thier conversation about Attachment Theory with Bethany Saltman mother and author of Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey Through the Science of Attachment.We continue talking about the Strange Situation Procedure developed by Mary Ainsworth, in the 1970s as a way to observe the attachment styles of children between the ages of 9-18 months. In one stage of the procedure, the mother/ primary caregiver and a stranger sit in a room with the child, and then the mother leaves the room.  The way the child reacts to the mother's leaving and her return is carefully observed and information about the attachment bond is categorized into an attachment style. After documenting tens of thousands of separations and reunions three distinct patterns emerged: securely attached, insecure anxious, and insecure-avoidant, with 65% being securely attached.As Bethany elaborates: "You don't have to be anything special to be securely attached or to raise a securely attached child. All you have to do is to have some experience and some comfort with your own emotions, your own difficult feelings."In our adult life, these attachment patterns can become more apparent when our relationships are under stress like economic strife, pandemic quarantine, illness, or conflict. If your attachment pattern is insecure when stress arises you can feel like a loss is imminent, and a return to connection is impossible. If you both have a basis of secure attachment you can probably weather any of these storms. Knowing your attachment style can help you understand how you are in relationships.----------------------------For more information and to contact Bethany Saltman go to:www.bethanysaltman.comFor more information or support contact Kevin or Niseema at info@thepositivemindcenter.com, or call 212-757-4488. These are challenging times and we hope this episode served to validate and ease your anxiety about what you may be experiencing. Please feel free to also suggest show ideas to the above email. Thank you for listening,Kevin and Niseemawww.tffpp.orgwww.kevinlmhc.comwww.niseema.comwww.thepositivemindcenter.comPRODUCTION CREDITSOpening Music : Another Country, Pure Shadowfax, ShadowfaxBreak Music: Geoff BradyEnd Music : TFFPP Theme - Giullian Goiello for The Foundation for Positive PsychologyThe Positive Mind is produced with the help of:Engineering: Geoff BradyProducer/ Research: Connie Shannon Website Design and End Music: Giullian GioelloMarketing and PR: Jen Maguire, Maguire PR, jen@maguirepr.com

Bethany Saltman, author of, "Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment," introduces us to the Strange Situation Procedure developed in the 1970s as a way to observe the attachment styles of children between the ages of 9-18months. In one stage of the procedure the mother/ primary caregiver and a stranger sit in a room with the child, and then the mother leaves the room.  The way the child reacts to the mother's leaving and her return is carefully observed and information about the attachment bond is categorized into an attachment style.  This procedure revolutionized the understanding of child and adult psychology specifically in relationships and bonding. Join us as we discover how knowing about your attachment style provides a clue as to how you manage the stresses of relationships and parenting as an adult. Knowing this, you can start healing relationship wounds and foster secure relationships with your children and loved ones. Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey Into The Science of Attachment was named one of the best science books of 2020 by The New Scientist.------------------------For more information and to contact Bethany Saltman go to:www.bethanysaltman.comFor more information or support contact Kevin or Niseema at info@thepositivemindcenter.com, or call 212-757-4488. These are challenging times and we hope this episode served to validate and ease your anxiety about what you may be experiencing. Please feel free to also suggest show ideas to the above email. Thank you for listening,Kevin and Niseemawww.tffpp.orgwww.kevinlmhc.comwww.niseema.comwww.thepositivemindcenter.comPRODUCTION CREDITSOpening Music : Another Country, Pure Shadowfax, ShadowfaxBreak Music: Geoff BradyEnd Music : TFFPP Theme - Giullian Goiello for The Foundation for Positive PsychologyThe Positive Mind is produced with the help of:Engineering: Geoff BradyProducer/ Research: Connie Shannon Website Design and End Music: Giullian GioelloMarketing and PR: Jen Maguire, Maguire PR, jen@maguirepr.com

June is allllll about attachment!  We kicked off this special series on attachment last week with my interview with author Bethany Saltman and her memoir "Strange Situation."Today- we are going back to basics.Attachment is something that gets a lot of airtime but also, a lot of confusion.  In today's episode we'll talk about John Bolwby and how he brilliantly noticed that attachment is about physical (and emotional) survival.We explore the difference between safe haven and secure base, and about how attachment is both about connection and autonomy.We look at the three attachment behaviors Bowlby identified:Seek, monitor, and maintain proximity Use the attachment figure as the secure baseFlee to their attachment figure when afraidGoing Back to Basics certainly means highlighting the work of Mary Ainsworth, which ultimately led to The Strange Situation and the attachment classifications we now know as secure and insecure. I'm a big fan of scaffolding (which you know if you're a member of The Club or you've taken Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online digital course) so consider this episode an important part of the scaffolding of attachment.  We've got to get clear on the basics before moving on!Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!There's a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don't have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookOver on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and BrainOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club************If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!https://robyngobbel.com/ebook

Bethany Saltman is the author of part memoir part biography Strange Situation- A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment.  Bethany is a professional researcher, writer, and longtime Zen student who went searching for what she felt was missing when she was a new mom. Like myself, Bethany discovered Dr. Sears' The Baby Book on attachment parenting when she was pregnant with her now 15-year-old daughter (my son is 15 and almost the exact same age!) and had expectations about what motherhood and parenting was going to look like: a blissful time where she enjoyed the natural awakenings of maternal instinct.Which did not happen.  Bethany remembers that she wasn't patient with her daughter.  She didn't feel very loving toward her.  And ultimately she felt broken because Dr. Sears had promised in his book that attachment parenting was easy because it ‘feeds on a mother's natural intuition.'  Bethany stated she was doing her best but also doing a lot of things wrong as a mom- and couldn't figure out why.   So she went on a deep-dive journey into exploring the science of attachment, in particular Mary Ainsworth and The Strange Situation.  Bethany's exploration into the science of attachment led her to the conclusion that behaviors have actually very little to do with attachment. There isn't a checklist.  Raising a child with secure attachment isn't about breastfeeding or co-sleeping. It has to do with how you think and feel about your attachments and how this is transmitted from mind to mind, generation to generation. I can't wait to hear what you think about this interview with Bethany!!!You can find Bethany on instagram @Bethany_Saltman or on her website at www.BethanySaltman.com.  Grab her book Strange Situation wherever books are sold but try to get it from your local bookstore ;)Don't forget to subscribe to Parenting after Trauma with Robyn Gobbel!Then head over to my website and get the free, 45 minute masterclass What Behavior Really Is and How to Change It at www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclassOver on my website you can find:Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and BrainOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club************If you're loving this replay of the attachment series, head over to my website to download the F R E E ebook, The Brilliance of Attachment.Folks are saying that not only does it reframe attachment in a hopeful and inspiring way, but it's also beautiful!https://robyngobbel.com/ebook