Podcasts about nagoski

It's a relevant topic for our stress-filled times of economic and political upheaval, and for our every day “hurry hurry” lifestyle, so the topic seemed apt. I've faced burnout in my past, and I talk about some of that here as we unpack the stress cycle and what to do when you're stuck in that space. I haven't talked much about this before, so this is a new experience for me. I hope you'll find this helpful, and will pick up this book by the Nagoski sisters, “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.” They go into the science and the “how to” of restoration in much more detail than I do here.I hope you've subscribed to us wherever you get your podcasts; please, share my work widely, give us a review or a drop us a few stars, it really does help. If you have comments or questions, please send them to meanderingswithtrudy@gmail.com.Episode links:This podcast is supported by my company, Chapman Coaching Inc.Nagoski sister's websiteInterview with the Nogoski sisters on “Unlocking Us,” Brené Brown's podcast Royalty free music is called Sunday Stroll – by Huma-Huma

Dr. Emily Nagoski joins co-host Sue Marriott for a deep and insightful conversation about desire, pleasure, and the impact of societal norms on sexuality. Together they explore the evolving landscape of trans rights and healthcare, emphasizing patient-centered care and the urgent need for societal support. Through her journey as a sex educator, Nagoski advocates for deeper understanding and connection, while also sharing practical approaches to educating young people about gender and sexuality, managing stress, and finding meaning and purpose in life.

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My guest today is Kim Brundage.Kim is an award-winning headshot and branding photographer on a mission to deliver a truly transformative experience that assures her clients feel nothing short of beautiful and confident, both on and off camera!Kim was a guest on episode 159 and if you haven't heard that conversation, please check it out!In that first conversation, Kim mentioned the book, Come as You Are, by Emily Nagoski, Ph. D.  After hearing about it, I read the book, and reached back out to Kim saying, “Oh my goodness, this book is amazing and transformational!  Want to come back on the podcast and talk about it??”The subtitle of the book is: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life.  The author, Dr. Nagoski is an award-winning author, sex educator, researcher, speaker and lecturer.  Her latest book is Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.So, as you might expect, Kim and I talk about sex in this episode!  If for any reason, it's not your topic of interest, feel free to skip it!I still recommend Dr. Nagoski's book and hope you find our conversation thought provoking and interesting!Website for Emily Nagoski, Ph. D.: https://www.emilynagoski.com/Website for Kim Brundage: https://kimbrundage.com/Make Life Less Difficult

We're kicking off Season 10 with none other than the legendary Dr. Emily Nagoski, the trailblazing author of "Come as You Are." We tackle everything from the art of sustaining a fulfilling sexual relationship to polyamory, and delve into the myths surrounding desire that sex educators hear the most. Plus, Dr. Nagoski generously shares her top three tips for cultivating a vibrant sex life with a long-term partner. And don't miss our new segment, Booty Call, where we share a funny listener sex story! (08:48) - Navigating conversations about sex life in long term relationships (25:18) - Emily's Top 3 secrets for a satisfying sex life (31:31) - Dual control model in sexual response (37:40) - Sex trivia! DR. EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Her latest book is Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. Emily earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist. ——   Do you have a silly sex story to share, need some advice, or have thoughts on the episode you just heard? Send us a voicemail for a chance to be featured on the podcast!  —— Follow Sex Ed with DB on: Instagram: @sexedwithdbpodcast TikTok: @sexedwithdbTwitter : @sexedwithdbThreads: @sexedwithdbpodcast YouTube: Sex Ed with DB Rep your favorite sex ed podcast with our brand new merch! Sign up for our newsletter with BTS content and exclusive giveaways here. Are you a sexual health professional? Check out DB's workshop: Building A Profitable Online Sexual Health Brand. Want to get in touch with Sex Ed with DB? Email us at sexedwithdb@gmail.com. —— Sex Ed with DB, Season 10 is Sponsored by: Lion's Den, Uberlube, and Magic Wand. Get discounts on all of DB's favorite things here! —— About Sex Ed with DB: Sex Ed with DB is a feminist podcast bringing you all the sex ed you never got through unique and entertaining storytelling, centering LGBTQ+ and BIPOC experts. We discuss topics such as birth control, pleasure, LGBTQ+ health and rights, abortion, consent, BDSM, sex and disability, HIV, sex in the media, and more. —— Sex Ed with DB, Season 10 Team: Creator, Host, Executive Producer: Danielle Bezalel (DB) Producer: Sadie Lidji Communications Lead: Cathren Cohen Marketing Coordinator: Mitch Coburn Social Media Coordinator: Emm-Kirsty Fraser

The science of sex drive and sexual frustration from Dr. Emily Nagoski. Is our desire for sex fundamentally similar to our drive for necessities like food, water, and sleep? Sex educator Emily Nagoski argues that the answer is no. Although a lack of sex can lead to frustration, this feeling is fundamentally different from what we experience when deprived of the biological necessities of life. After all, nobody has ever died from a lack of sex. The implication is that common ideas about the existence of a “sex drive” are flawed. Check out this Big Think interview with Nagoski to learn more about the nature of sexual desire, and why pursuing connection and pleasure might be better than pursuing sex itself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- chapters: 0:00 Why sex is not a biological “drive” 1:42 Sexual frustration on the other hand… 3:48 The damage of the “sex drive” myth -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Go Deeper with Big Think: ►Become a Big Think Member Get exclusive access to full interviews, early access to new releases, Big Think merch and more ►Get Big Think+ for Business Guide, inspire and accelerate leaders at all levels of your company with the biggest minds in business -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About Emily Nagoski: Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About Big Think | Smarter Faster™ ► Big Think The leading source of expert-driven, educational content. With thousands of videos, featuring experts ranging from Bill Clinton to Bill Nye, Big Think helps you get smarter, faster by exploring the big ideas and core skills that define knowledge in the 21st century. Get Smarter, Faster. With Episodes From The Worlds Biggest Thinkers. Follow The Podcast And Turn On The Notifications!! Share This Episode If You Found It Valuable Leave A 5 Star Review Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Emily Nagoski is the author of the New York Times bestseller Come as You Are, a self-help manual lauded by critics and readers for its ability to ''offer up hard facts on the science of arousal and desire in a friendly and accessible way'' (The Guardian). With her sister, Amelia Nagoski, she is also the co-author of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an MS in counseling and a PhD in health behavior from Indiana University, where she has conducted clinical and research training at the renowned Kinsey Institute. She now teaches sex education and stress education to women across the country. In Come Together, Nagoski employs scientific rigor, compassion, and humor to create a pragmatic and specific guide for maintaining a fulfilling sex life while in a long-term relationship. Because you love Author Events, please make a donation to keep our podcasts free for everyone. THANK YOU! The views expressed by the authors and moderators are strictly their own and do not represent the opinions of the Free Library of Philadelphia or its employees. (recorded 2/1/2024)

Books on Burnout: Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Nagoski sisters Laziness Does Not Exist, Devon Price PhD Pleasure Activism, Adrienne Maree Brown  The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk  Rest Is Resistance, Tricia Hersey  The Body Is Not An Apology, Sonya Renee Taylor If you'd like to support the podcast, you can do so here:⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://patreon.com/BrilliantDogPod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can Find me at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.FlashofBrillianceDogs.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram.com/FlashofBrillianceDogs⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can contact me at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠FlashofBrillianceDogs@gmail.com

In this episode, Dr. T shares practical insights and real-life examples, offering a down-to-earth approach to incorporating gratitude and self-compassion into your everyday routine.   Dr. T emphasizes the importance of incorporating mindful practices into our daily routines. These practices can help us develop a more positive outlook and become more resilient in the face of life's challenges. Tune in to this episode to learn valuable tips on how to infuse gratitude and self-compassion into your daily experiences.   Whether you're an experienced mindfulness practitioner or just starting your journey, this episode provides a space for reflection and practical takeaways.   References    Germer, C., Germer, C. K., & Neff, K. (2019). Teaching the mindful self-compassion program: A guide for professionals. Guilford Publications.   Nagoski, E., & Amelia Nagoski, D. M. A. (2020). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.   Neff, K., & Germer, C. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook: A proven way to accept yourself, build inner strength, and thrive. Guilford Publications.   Watch Here: https://youtu.be/0eCXoXnJhmM  

In this episode, Brad and Lesley recap their insightful interview with Tamika Robinson, the founder of Jar Fit. They discuss the significance of positive reinforcement, journaling, acknowledging progress in achieving one's goals, and the importance of embracing your feelings. If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co . And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.In this episode you will learn about:Why positive reinforcements create habits to get you closer to your goals.How acknowledging your own progress can make you feel good about your achievements.The importance of writing yourself checks to make financial goals more real and achievable.Why feeling your "feelings" and crying is perfectly acceptable.The importance of narrowing down your to-do lists in prioritizing your tasks. Episode References/Links:Level Up Your Livestream at profitablepilates.com/livestreamBlack Friday, Cyber Monday (BFCM) SaleChat with us!Overcoming Underearning by Barbara StannyBurnout by Emily Nagoski Ph.D. and Amelia Nagoski DMA  If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. Get your free Athletic Greens 1 year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free travel packsGet your discount for some Toe Sox using the code: LESLEY Be It Till You See It Podcast SurveyBe in the know with all the workshops at OPCBe a part of Lesley's Pilates MentorshipFREE Ditching Busy Webinar Resources:Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!Lesley Logan websiteBe It Till You See It PodcastOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley LoganOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTubeProfitable PilatesFollow Us on Social Media:InstagramFacebookLinkedInEpisode Transcript:Lesley Logan 0:00  Positive reinforcement is actually how habits are created. No one gets anywhere being shamed. You cannot shame yourself to hit your goals. Lesley Logan 0:08  Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.  Lesley Logan 0:50  Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life Brad and I are going to dig into the motivational convo I had with Tamika Robinson in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened that episode, feel free to pause this now. Go back, listen to that one, you're gonna hear Tamika and I giggle a lot, especially if you're listening 2x like Brad does, then it sounds like chipmunks. But it's a lot of fun. It's quite motivational. I loved it, it was really great. And then you can come back and listen to this or you can listen to us now and then decide when to listen to that. Whatever you want to do is totally fine. I just want to like highlight for a moment that this is the first time ever I have not tripped up on the intro of the recap. And we should just take a moment because it's what 200 Episode 290. After 145 times of trying here we are celebrating. Brad Crowell 1:34  I also did not interrupt you. So yeah. Lesley Logan 1:36  You didn't interrupt me and I didn't fuck up. And you gotta celebrate when you do things so your dopamine kick happens. And this is now a habit. Lesley Logan 1:45  Okay, so today is November 16. It's Useless Stuff Day. That's so crazy. I think that my FYF for tomorrow is about how I cleared out my closet. I didn't even know that, so great. So the day was created to spread awareness around the clutter of unnecessary things in our homes, especially during the busiest shopping months of the year. It encourages people to adopt a minimalist lifestyle where only the essentials are bought or kept. Keep that in mind as we talk about Black Friday, Cyber Monday, most everything that we're about to talk about is digital. So not gonna take up any space. But I agree, I do think that like, we probably have a lot of things. So maybe pick a room one of the things that Brad and I do on the New Year, which we're going to do this time around Thanksgiving, because we're never home on the New Year's anymore. So I picked a new holiday. So on Thanksgiving weekend we are we go through room by room, like clean out a closet, clean out a drawer and just like get rid of stuff. You're like i What is this? It's taking up space.Brad Crowell 2:41  And it was a hell of a lot easier when we lived in an apartment. Lesley Logan 2:44  Yes, now we don't. But now we have a whole weekend to do it, Brad, because we have Black Friday through Cyber Monday. Brad Crowell 2:50  That's true. That's true. Lesley Logan 2:52  Also, it's it's even if you just start with one room and just do the one room and you go, Okay, I have not used this in so many years like do you really need it, give it away to someone give it to someone. You can sell things on Facebook marketplace, you can make some money so you can actually get paid. Then what's going on. So next month is December. So we'll be on tour for our winter tour. And we've got tons of cities and lots of opportunity. Bring your friends bring your family, there's classes that anyone can attend. And then there's workshops that I designed them so that whether you're a teacher or a client, you can enjoy them. But there are CECs if you are a teacher. So go to opc.me/tour to see what cities we're going to be in. Look we're driving 7000 miles, you can drive two hours. I'm just saying. Brad Crowell 3:36  100% Lesley Logan 3:36  You can be part of if you are like oh my god Lesley, it's a holiday I have a family. I bet you they (inaudible), but you need a break. Or you can bring them and let me entertain them. So opc.me/tour. You're gonna want to be there. Next week is a holiday. Brad Crowell 3:50  It's a crazy tour. We're going to be hitting something like 20-plus locations on this tour.Lesley Logan 3:59  Yeah. I want to light I want to lighten the van that's like you are in Denver and like, hello Denver what's up? Like, then I was like okay, Lesley, you are now in Austin, okay. I'm in Austin, okay, like I need to, I need a flashing light anyways, but let's get back to today. Next week is the official Black Friday Cyber Monday situation. So I know your inbox is full of people who celebrate all month long. But here at our household, we really like nostalgia. And so the earliest we kick things off is next Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, there are lots of opportunities for you to save on mat flashcards, on Pilates workshops, on business workshops.Brad Crowell 4:45  And my special upcoming live webinar.Lesley Logan 4:48  Yes.Brad Crowell 4:49  We're gonna be doing. We're gonna be selling tickets for that over BFCM as well.Lesley Logan 4:54  We might as well go into what that webinar is. Brad Crowell 4:57  What your website needs. Lesley Logan 4:59  You all, websites are not going anywhere. I don't care how important social media seems to be in your life. And no matter what your be it till you see it is I bet you need a website. Brad Crowell 5:09  I'll be catering it specifically towards Pilates instructors. Lesley Logan 5:12  Yeah. But if you're in a service based businessBrad Crowell 5:14  If you're yoga or anything like that, that's super good, you know, it'll be super applicable for you too. And I'm going to be really digging into things like, let's say you actually have no interest in doing the website yourself. By the end of the webinar, you should be able to have a comprehensive, you know, conversation with your web designer, web developer person, so that, you know, you don't feel like they're talking over your head. Lesley Logan 5:40  Well, and also you want to be able to know like, you don't need them to sell you things you don't need. So when you know what your website needs, you can be really clear, like, this is what I want, how much is this and that way you can really price compare, and you can find if someone's not listening to you be like, oh, like you're gonna have a lot more competence in those conversations. So super huge, you're gonna want to make sure if you're in the service-based industry, you're gonna want to make sure you're watching for our Pprofitable Pilates emails, because the best deal is going to be around the Black Friday, Cyber Monday. So we have discounts on OPC and on Profitable Pilates. So you'll have to go to the website specifically to grab all of those. There's options if you're not an OPC member, but you've always wanted to try it out. There's a deal for that. I mean, we are doing all the things most of them are digital so you can still clean out your house and be clutter free and get these things but you're (inaudible) flashcards just saying. Anyways, okay, so that is all the updates for us. Before we get into the episode with Tamika, do we have an audience question?Brad Crowell 6:36  Hey, we sure do. What a coincidence. This week.Lesley Logan 6:42  I just got this question today on Instagram.Brad Crowell 6:44  What microphones do you use to record your Pilates workouts? Lesley Logan 6:47  Yes, so okay, um, in all honesty, I don't know. But Brad probably does. What we do Brad Crowell 6:54  We use whatever Nate tells us to use.Lesley Logan 6:57  Yes, so Nate is the most incredible, most amazing salesperson at Sweetwater sound, and you guys. Sweetwater is like one of the coolest companies because they're like, they're kicking ass when it comes to selling microphones in all the spaces they're just like they sell more than microphones. Brad Crowell 7:14  It's basically that like in the 90s and early 2000s They were competing with Guitar Center which was brick and mortar and they were a mail order catalog only. And then they went online and then now they actually give Amazon a run for their money for music distribution or for music gear distribution.Lesley Logan 7:33  And they have warehouses now in different places, which is a huge new thing for them (inaudible) yeah, and so they can get you stuff so quickly. So Nate is our guy and so here's how you can find out all the information on anything that we use to record for our YouTube videos and our on demand workouts you go to profitablepilates.com/livestream Brad made a fancy guide and has literally all the things you need to level up your live stream you it's free it's free guide just go to profitablepilates.com/livestream.Brad Crowell 8:06  Yeah and if the if the gear, gear changes over time so you know there's there's direct connection to Nate right in the on that guide.Lesley Logan 8:15  Tell him what you're doing and he'll tell you what you should get. Brad Crowell 8:17  Just reach out to him just email him and tell him that you came from us. Tell him what you're looking for. And we'll help you out.Lesley Logan 8:24  He did our podcast mics, he does he helps us with our Pilates mics.Brad Crowell 8:26  Even this lighting.Lesley Logan 8:27  Oh yeah. And speaking of Pilates mics we have to get a new cord because we're at a year and yeah, these cords just so you know, everyone they're not made for filming Pilates. They're made for maybe filming a spin class.Brad Crowell 8:40  They're not made for rolling around on the microphone cord. No.Lesley Logan 8:43  Correct. And so basically like my cord lasts a year. That's all, that's pretty much all it is. And it's annoying and it's frustrating and yes, it's but it costs money. Guess what? It costs money to make money. I don't, I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you, it costs money.Brad Crowell 9:02  The cord's not that bad.Lesley Logan 9:04  It's like 100 bucks. Brad Crowell 9:04  No, the cord, it's like seven.Lesley Logan 9:06  Oh, okay, well spent. But yeah, but like when you invest the first time for the microphone, it's like 100 bucks.Brad Crowell 9:10   Yeah. The microphone is more expensive. Yes. Yeah, the cord is fine. Lesley Logan 9:14  Anyway, so profitablepilates.com/livestream, you guys send your questions in, we answer questions ranging all host of things. So send them on to the Be It pod we can answer your questions on the next episode.Brad Crowell 9:26  Okay, now let's talk about Tamika Robinson, founder of Jar Fit. Tamika shares her journey as a personal trainer, focusing on 80 women to achieve their body goals. She's committed to empowering her clients celebrating their small wins and fostering self-belief through each step of their fitness journey. And I don't know if you've gone to her website to see pictures of her competition body. But she's amazingly impressive. When it comes to, she competes. And I think she's won titles and stuff. So it's amazing to see. You know, so you can do that. Her husband, I believe also competes because he's massive. Lesley Logan 10:13  I know. But you know, like that, that means that parts of the year they only have rice and salmon. And like, that's a whole world of life. We didn't really dive into competitions, just because I wanted to be, yeah, no, yeah. Because I want it to be like what you can be till you see it. And I really like. So we had on James Patrick a while back and he hosts an amazing event every year about getting like booked for gigs. Hello, August. And getting booked for gigs. And we are one of the media outlets that they can get booked on. And he has been on the show. So he knows what we're looking for. And out of the like 500 people he's like, here are the best people I think you'd like. So take a look at all 500. But I think you would love these. And I did look through about 100. But I looked at the five that he sent me. And Tamika, I just like I really so which what came through on her stuff is very much this. Like she said, if you get better 1% every day, that the end of the year, that's 365%. Now I'm sure there's a mathematician who is actually going to say, well, actually, if you start off at 100%, it does compound, so it's even more amazing. It's even more amazing. And I loved it because it made me think of Allen Stein Jr. But how he's always like, did I get 1% closer to my goal today? And so I think like, especially because the women who listen to this podcast, hi, I see, you might type a perfectionist, we tend to think it's all or nothing if I didn't improve 100% I did nothing today. And it's like, actually, what if you do just one thing, one thing today that got you closer to your goal, at the end of the year, it's 365 things, you probably are going to surpass that goal. You know. And so when we make it up so hard, so she, she does this a little bit more specifically, we got into like, how she does with her weight training and like helping people. But I want to like more importantly, I want to talk about how she like, uses positive reinforcement to motivate her clients, you guys positive reinforcement is actually how habits are created. No one gets anywhere being shamed. You cannot shame yourself to hit your goals, period. And I'm sorry, you might be able to shame yourself to get out of the fucking bed a couple times a week or maybe get to the wherever the place but like you cannot shame yourself to achieving anything because it doesn't work is the same thing as like motivation. Like if you're waiting to be motivated, like that's going to come on you I was motivated at 4am this morning. That is not a consistent thing. It's just because we got home and we're still working on getting up at 5am. But I was like motivated and ready to go. That's you know, you can't just wait on motivation. It's going to come up with the worst times, right. And she also talked about like, how she really encourages her clients to journal and on their experiences and reflections. And I think this is really great. We listen to a guy on his podcast and he writes everything down. He must write his everyday down. Because he remember his his stories he's like on this day, 23 years ago, yeah, this thing happened to me. And I'm like, What the fuck? Is he reading his journal? Like, how does he know what happened on this day to himself in 47 years? Like, what is happening?Brad Crowell 13:27  Well, yeah, obviously he has it all catalogued too, so he could flip through? Yeah. And like immediately reference like, this day, on all these years previous. I mean, Lesley Logan 13:38  What if we just did that for that recaps instead of like, it's this day in the world right now. Like, okay, on this day, 27 years ago, in my life, I went on my first date. No, but like, if you can take whether you want to journal in the morning, or in the evening, find a time to like, talk, like write down your experiences from the day write down three things that happened to you, and then reflect on like, how did you like that? What was your favorite part about that? Because those kinds of things help you really understand yourself. I with Brad and I were in a coaching session today with our coach. And I was like, Oh, I journaled today. And I became extremely aware of like, how I've been holding myself back this year. And it's not like in a negative way. It's like, oh, aha moment. Whoa, like, these things are really important. So I love that she does that and then she really encourages them to acknowledge their own progress. So they can feel good about their achievements. So just I think more coaches like her affecting more women out in the world she does it through weight training, but like my goodness, you guys don't You don't have to wait train with her to get this you can actually like take these things and like apply them to your life the way you do them.Brad Crowell 14:42  Yeah, totally. And, you know, when when? Well, she said a bunch of things that I also dug. One I thought it was really fun that she mentioned. She and her partner both share similar personal goals and so that's why they started working together. And that was fun. Because that's how life is for us. And it made me think about that. But I really loved when she was talking about, like her transition into becoming a coach. Becoming a trainer actually. And so she said, if you're planning on starting your side, hustle or leaving your full-time job, you must know what it is that you need to make, so that you can enjoy Lesley Logan 15:31  I knew you'd love this. Brad Crowell 15:32  Yeah. So you can like enjoy being, you know, in your new role. And because she, it was really interesting to listen to her talk about like, the idea of being a trainer. And that being her profession, right, because she comes from like, she went and got a Criminal Justice background degree, like master's degree. She was like, trying to work for the FBI, like three times she applied and wasn't getting the FBI. Lesley Logan 16:02  I mean, their fucking loss, because she's amazing. And also, like, she's so sweet. I feel like the FBI would like just like...Brad Crowell 16:08  Yeah. Let's she, you know, so she had this preconceived notion of like, who am I? What am I supposed to do with my life, and then she just enjoyed the training and then started, you know, she got certified and then started training people. And but I still think even she mentioned that even after she started taking clients, she still wasn't like, convinced herself that this is her job, her profession, right. And it took a long time for her to settle in and actually did really lean into it. And, you know, so I think, when she was first starting out, she was a little unsettled, like, I'm not, you know, making my insurance or I'm not making my, my, you know, the money that I think I should be making or whatever. And so she then reflects on that and teaches her clients like, hey, you know, know what you need to make before you quit. And she said, also, what I thought was really nice is that it was messy. It was a messy process, I thought that was really cool that she was so transparent. You know, it didn't happen overnight, she didn't like immediately start making her goal income right away all the things. In fact, she, she started writing herself a check for 10 grand, every single month, even if she wasn't able to cash that check, she began to visualize this concept of like, this is the amount of money that I know that I want to make. I'm gonna write myself this check until I can cash (inaudible).Lesley Logan 17:38  I'm obsessed with this and so many reasons. reasons. One of the reasons is a too often people who work for themselves don't pay themselves an actual paycheck, they just like take from the bank account. Like, they don't actually get the same paycheck every month. Right? And the other reason I love it is like she's practicing writing down $10,000 paid to, to make it like the reality. Brad Crowell 18:00  I think she started talking about like, Monopoly money, though, because she was like, I don't have a checkbook.Lesley Logan 18:04  Yeah. But also okay. But also like seeing that, or this is something I talked to, like people who like, that's too much money to charge. It's like, say it out loud all the time. So it doesn't sound foreign. It's like, you the those these things can be come a little esoteric, or, or I guess it's the best word for this. Yeah. If you if you only think about them in your head, but if you actually, like, write the check, like we've had, or like, when we got this houseBrad Crowell 18:31  It doesn't feel real like it's you know, it's like, telling yourself, good job, but you don't, you know, doesn't really benefit you.Lesley Logan 18:40  I think like, the best you could do is like write yourself the check. Even if you don't cash it or, you know, grab Monopoly money,Brad Crowell 18:46  You got to associate it with an action, llike doing celebration is more than, you know, you inside your head saying I did it. You have to talk it out loud. You have to like, actually do something.Lesley Logan 18:58  And say, say these prices andthese goals out loud, because $10,000 might seem like a lot. If you're like me, you came from no money. Oh my god. Like, that's a lot of money. But if you start to say it out loud, and you talk about these numbers with your friends and things, I think it's so important for men to talk about how much money they make. And not in a boastful way. This is not like an arrogant way. This is a we have to start seeing these numbers as normal. It is normal to make $10,000 a month. It should be normal. And I know that like if you're like, oh my god Lesley, I barely make $2,000 a month. I'm like, so poor. Yeah, but talk like talk these numbers out so that 10,000 doesn't seem so far away. It seems one, you earned it, you deserve it. You deserve more than that. You're worthy of that and two, when you say your prices, it's not about your budget, right? It's about what you're worth of the effects that you make, that your talent has on these people's lives.Brad Crowell 19:52  The impact that you're having. Lesley Logan 19:54  You're not charging for the 55 minutes you're charging for the impact it's having. And so Danny J, whe should have Danny J and Joel on the pod. We should just do that. Okay. If you're listening, ladies, just text them out for this. But Danny J had us, like, take what we charge and double it and go around and say how much does it cost to work with you? And I'm like, okay, so I took the OPC most expensive membership. And I said, okay, it costs $1,400 a year to take. And I said, How many classes that that membership included was like six times 12 is 64, 66, 64?Brad Crowell 20:31  I wasn't actually paying attention. Lesley Logan 20:33  So how much is 12 times six?Brad Crowell 20:35  You get 104 classes? The most expensive? Okay, so 152.Lesley Logan 20:39  152. So 152 for $1,500 It's only 150 We don't try to generalize guys, but the point was to take what you charge and double it. And so if you think holy, that's fucking $10 cost well guess what, my rates are actually half that. So it's five dollars a class to work with me for a whole year. That's so cheap, right? But we think about oh my god $700. Like we think about the bigger number, right? Breaking it down. So Danny J had us like, take the money, double it. And then walk around saying that so that when you say your actual price, it sounds so inexpensive.Brad Crowell 21:16  Well, in that same vein, I she recommended a book. Lesley Logan 21:20  I can't wait to read this. Brad Crowell 21:21  Overcoming, called Overcoming Underearning by Barbara Stanny. And, you know, it was interesting to listen to her talk about that. I think that would have been really beneficial for me. When I was first getting started, you know, too because I was like, Oh man, if I can only make $100 today, you know, or if I can only make $30,000 a year if I can only make $50,000 a year. And you know, I think it's really important that we, like you said talk about the money side of it. But also it is expensive to live in a city. Period. So doesn't matter which city you're in. It's expensive to live in a city. And you know, to make 50 grand in a city. You're barely paying your bills. You know, 50 grand seems like so much fucking money for me.Lesley Logan 22:18  Yeah. Because I mean, I knew what my parents made, like my mom. I'm gonna say this because you want to know how schoolteachers make. My mom taught private school and in the 2000s. And I guess they call it the arts. I don't really understand what that comes from. In the 2000s. She made $22,000 a year as a full-time fifth grade school teacher. What the fuck? That is McDonald's employees back then made more money in a year full time. Okay, so she's the college-educated person who was making that. My father was making a little over 40 something at some point when I heard his salary. Me getting paid $50,000 I was like, I'm slaying right, I'm killing it. No, I could barely pay my bills, like where I live? Because I live in a city like you did. And so it's like, but because my mindset that seemed like, that's so much money, it was I did not have a mindset that was likeBrad Crowell 23:14  Oh, my gosh, I was like, if I can make 75 I'm going to be rich.Lesley Logan 23:17  Yeah. If you move to I don't know, I don't even know where you can live for 75,000 anymore. Maybe Alabama? I don't know. Brad Crowell 23:25  But, but I think but so this book, it was interesting to hear her talk about it. And so, you know, we're, we're, we're gonna check it out, too. We haven't actually checked it out, but Overcoming Underearning by Barbara Stanny. Yeah. So, you know, she, she also talked about when, you know, identifying her current situation and desired goals, she created a plan, saying I'm going to calculate all my clients figure out what I'm paying rent what I need, and then I'm going to figure out the plan. So for those of you who have worked with us in Agency, that probably sounds really familiar. We obviously talked about the magic number calculator, and it really helps create that clarity for what you need to set for your rates to help you work backwards, just like she was talking about here. So that you can make the money that you need to make to include time off, sick days off, you know, all those kinds of things. And I just thought it was really aligned with what we are all about. So yeah, great stuff.Lesley Logan 24:28  Yeah, I'm in love. Tamika, we love you.Brad Crowell 24:32  All right, so finally let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic, targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Tamika Robinson? She said if you are stressed cry, it's okay, you're allowed. You're allowed to do it. She said feel your feelings crying is perfectly acceptable. So you know this is interesting. I was never really taught this.Lesley Logan 25:00  I cry all the time. Yeah, but I had to remind myself it's okay.Brad Crowell 25:08  All right. Okay, I'm still talking over here. So my so what I was never really taught this and my, my feeling my feelings. I would wait, wait, wait until it became anger. And then I would feel my feelings in an explosive way. And that never benefited me. Anyone else around me none of that stuff. So I thought it was really helpful to just hear that. You know, you're you're supposed to feel your feelings that's being human. And if that, you know, turns into tears, that's okay. It's allowed.Lesley Logan 25:46  Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm really glad that you heard it now. And I thinkBrad Crowell 25:52  Would have been really helpful. 20 years ago.Lesley Logan 25:54  I well. Isn't that the, I think...Brad Crowell 25:56  Even 10. Lesley Logan 25:57  Well, can I just be honest, girls are told not to cry. And especially Brad Crowell 26:01  So are boys. Lesley Logan 26:02  Well, girls can, but not at work. Don't let anyone see you cry at work. And it's like, okay, but your passion is actually super. Like, if you if you're crying all the time, like maybe go take your hormones, but like, if you are so passionate, something you're so fresh, it makes you cry, because like the like, it's okay to like have those feelings, because if you shove them down, there is a really great book. I want to say it's called Burnout. It's like two sisters. I don't know that Burnout. I heard them on Brene Brown's podcast, but they said like that it's so important. To letLesley Logan 26:03  It is Burnout. Yeah, Emily and Amelia Nagosaki. Lesley Logan 26:08  Yes. So they said like, sometimes in the moment, it's not appropriate to feel you're feeling Brad Crowell 26:19  No. Nagoski.Lesley Logan 26:43  Yeah. It's not it's not. It's not always appropriate. So like, for example, you may be walking on the street and somebody like, calls out like, I'll just say, I'll, I'll do an actual example in my life. I was run in LA I used to run and this guy who was dressed like a gnome, I swear to God. Brad Crowell 27:08  A gnome? Lesley Logan 27:09  Yes. You heard me say it. He (inaudible) hobbit. He had a foil, little cap on Brad Crowell 27:14  I was thinking about the Seven Dwarfs. Lesley Logan 27:16  Oh, he, maybe but like really sort of The Hobbit like kind of like the like the bigger guy with a braid on his beard? I'll be running with my own, and he'd go you're a whore. Brad Crowell 27:27  What? Lesley Logan 27:28  Right? Because He's cray. He has he has mental problems. Okay, so he has more problems than I have. It doesn't feel good to feel be called that, right? So when I was out of arm's reach of him, I would laugh out loud because like, if I were just to like, shove that down, and every Sunday, this man would call me a whore. It is actually not Oh, you don't want to be called that doesn't feel good to be called that there was another guy that Eric used to hear. He would like, he was this other crazy dude on Wilshire, and he would call it something. And I just started going, you know, may the Lord open, blessed be like, oh, but I would like to make a joke about it. Because I had to let out I had to have a reaction to let that out. And their whole point is like, maybe in the moment, you can't let it out. Like, in my case, I was in an area where I could like, let like joke about it or laugh it out. But if you do have to, like hold it together, because maybe someone says something in a meeting and you can't say anything in the meeting, you can't cry in the meeting, then you need to actually get home, get to a pillow, scream in the pillow, like let it out. Because if you don't, if you don't feel your feelings, they bottle up and they actually do cost stress on the body. And they can keep you from becoming the person you're meant to be in this world. So I love that Be It Action. Mine is she said to write down 100 things on your to-do list. And I swear to God when she said that I was like maybe we are editing this Be It Action Item. Because this is not aligned with my values. But then she said, then after the fifth thing, cross everything out.Brad Crowell 28:59  She said, Yeah, she said take the top five and cross out 95 of them. Lesley Logan 29:06  Yes, yeah, yes. And I love this actually just kind of a book club meeting with Agency members called do the book was like, Do the One Thing or The One Thing or whatever. And I love this because it's so true. We put all these things on our list. But really the first five things are the most pressing things so they're top of mind the other 95 you're just like, look at me, I'm so busy. Look at me, like all these important things to do. So I thought that is so fun, because then you can get all that shit off your head, anyway. Brad Crowell 29:33  It's brain dump total, brain dump.Lesley Logan 29:34  Such a great brain dump and then you know what your top five priorities are boom, way to go. It helps to underscore the importance of having clear tangible steps and a pathway to achieving your personal goals. So way to go Tamika, you're so fun. I'm so glad that James introduced us. I'm glad you put yourself out there so that you could be on this podcast and I'm excited for what you're doing.Brad Crowell 29:54  Yeah, it was great.Lesley Logan 29:55  It was great. We love it. All right, I'm Lesley Logan. Brad Crowell 29:57  And I'm Brad Crowell. Lesley Logan 29:58  Thank you so much for being here. You all, we could not have the show without you. You just heard the episode 290 which means (inaudible) that means in less than three weeks, we're hitting episode three fucking hundred, holy moly. We have an epic week of episodes for you that week because we got Michael Unbroken coming back. So we want to know what your favorite part of this episode was. You have to actually tell us that.Brad Crowell 30:20  Yeah, you actually have to like send us a DM.Lesley Logan 30:22  I'm gonna call you out, I need you to either email or DM or if you have our phone number, whatever means of ways (inaudible)Brad Crowell 30:33  Chat to us.Lesley Logan 30:34  Whatever, we want to know so we can actually continue to provide guests that you want to hear from but also we continue make this podcast better because holy fucking moly episode 300. Thank you so much for being here. Have an amazing day. And until next time, Be It Till You See It. Brad Crowell 30:48  Bye for now.Lesley Logan 30:50  That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Lesley Logan 31:18  Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. Brad Crowell 31:21  It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Lesley Logan 31:26  It is produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo. Brad Crowell 31:30  Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. Lesley Logan 31:37  Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. Brad Crowell 31:42  Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/be-it-till-you-see-it/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We hear all the time that stress is bad for us, but is all stress bad?  And what can we do to manage the stress that is bad for us?In this episode we will explore:The definition of stressWhat happens in our bodies during a stress response cycle (fight, flee or freeze)Eustress or stress that can be beneficial for usWhat it means to "complete the stress response cycle"Ways that you can begin to complete the stress response cycleDirections for an Abhyangha Self Massage can be found here:https://www.nourishednervoussystem.com/deep-rest-meditation-opt-in-1Sources:Harvard Medical School (2020, June 6). Understanding the Stress Response. Harvard Health Publishing. https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-responseNagoski, A., PhD, & Nagoski, E., DMA (2019). Burnout, the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.Scott, E., PhD (2022, May 11). What is Eustress? Very Well Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-eustress-3145109Find me at www.nourishednervoussystem.comand @nourishednervoussytem on Instagram

In this episode we launch Season 3, introduce that this will be a co-hosted podcast and introduce the host joining Kirsten Wilson, Matthew Caston. Matthew will share with listeners a little bit about himself, his connection to education, and his recent journey with rest and renewal, which is also the theme for Season 3. The episode will end with a new segment “Living in Beta Mode” where co-hosts share a “life-hack”, a great social media educational influencer to follow, a book they recently read, or a podcast to listen to. Theme:Based on the books:  Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle By Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey link to article in the show notes taken from the book by Nagoski and Nagoski “Engage For Success” blog in the article “WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO SCHEDULE DOWNTIME IN YOUR WORKDAY” by author Debbie Lentz Listeners please share your thoughts and ideas with us on our social media accounts on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook @thebulldogedu  You can also follow Matt on instagram @CastIron or Twitter @MatthewCaston and Kirsten on Instagram or Twitter @teachkiwi, or Facebook or LinkedIN as Kirsten Wilson.

In the twentieth century, women's sexuality was seen as "men's sexuality lite": basically the same but not quite as good. Using groundbreaking research, Emily Nagoski changed the game by exposing the truth of female sexuality with her New York Times best-selling book, "Come As You Are". The PSA girls reflect on the truths they gleaned from this book and how the concepts Dr. Nagoski explains go so far beyond sexual wellbeing.

In today's episode I'm going to break down the second tier in the resilience pyramid; the building block on developing internal safety: understanding regulation.  Regulation is our ability to head back to practices that notify our body that we are safe when we feel stress or experience difficult moments or feelings. I'm going to get into some important regulation techniques and also take a minute and explain a bit about stress, stress cycles (a term coined by the Nagoski sisters who wrote the amazing book 'Burnout') and the nervous system. If you want to know how to manage stress and build resilience in your life and work, understanding regulation is going to be KEY. As always, I'm here - willing to chat more - you can email me hello@melwiggins.com if you want to reflect on anything in this episode and if there's anything I can do to go further with this and support you or your maybe even spend some time with your team or workplace looking at resilience building, know that I'd love to do that and you can email me for more details of what that could look like.  And if you're a female business owner keen to do more work on building your resilience as you build your business, we make space for all of this in my four month brand builder programme which is open right now. If you want to chat to me about what the brand builder involves, click here to book a little bit of time with me, for free and chat that through. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melwiggins/message

What is the difference between sex and sensuality? Do you have trouble getting out of your head and into your body during sex? In this episode, Valeria shares how her relationship to sex has changed over the years. She talks with sex educators, authors, and podcast hosts Shan Boodram and Dr. Emily Nagoski to learn how to deepen her sense of sensuality. Tune in to learn about what we often get wrong about sexual attraction, the brain chemistry behind getting turned on, and how joy and confidence, according to Dr. Nagoski, can create satisfaction in bed. You can find Shan Boodram on Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, and TikTok, and Dr. Emily Nagoski on Instagram and Twitter. This Not Alone episode is sponsored by Sakara. Get 25% off your first order of 100% plant-based, organic ready-to-go meals when you go to Sakara.com/VALERIA or enter code VALERIA at checkout. Sakara. Feed Your Spirit. Not Alone is produced in partnership with FRQNCY Media. Producer: Lizzie Stewart  Associate Producer: Emily Krumberger Supervising Producer: Enna Garkusha  Executive Producer: Michelle Khouri Script written by: William Cagle, Ellie Katz, and Sara Naz Jadbabaie  Script editors: Isabel Moncloa Daly and Jessica Olivier Mixer and sound designer: Claire Bidigare-Curtis Session engineering: DonTaé Hodge.    Follow Valeria on Instagram, Youtube, and TikTok.

Cette semaine, on prend le temps de discuter d'un sujet qui reste nébuleux malgré sa popularité dans les médias : le désir sexuel. On définit ce que c'est (selon la science) tout en apportant les différences et nuances des autres termes similaires : désir spontané, désir provoqué, excitation sexuelle, intimité sexuelle… Roxanne, sexologue thérapeute, nous aide à clarifier le tout et donne des exemples tirés de sa pratique clinique. On explore les causes ayant des impacts sur le désir pour terminer l'épisode avec quelques conseils et recommandations pour mieux vous outiller à comprendre le désir sexuel. Bonne écoute!Informations sur le coffret Sexo 100% plaisir:Interforum Canada : Diffuseur de plus de 250 maisons d'édition francophones.Pour découvrir le coffret : https://interforumcanada.com/livres/sexo-100-plaisir/ Suivez Interforum Canada sur les réseaux sociaux!Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/interforumcanada/Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/InterforumCanadaTikTok : https://www.tiktok.com/@interforumcanadaRéférences discutées dans l'épisode:Bancroft, J., & Janssen, E. (2000). The dual control model of male sexual response: A theoretical approach to centrally mediated erectile dysfunction. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 24(5), 571-579.Brotto , L. (2019). Better sex through mindfulness: How women can cultivate desire (2019). Greystone.Brotto, L., & Velten, J. (2020). Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder in Women. In  K. S. K. Hall, and Y. M. Binik, Principles and practice of sex therapy (6th ed., pp. 13-40). Guilford Publications.Caswell, C. &  Schwenck, G. (2022). What's the best way to let your partner know you're not in the mood?Bachet, J. (2020). Charge mentale et baisse de libidoDubé, J (2022). Does how I respond to my partner's low desire matter? Esther Perel (2013). L'intelligence érotique : faire (re)vivre le désir dans le couple. Pocket.Excitation sexuelle ; Intimité  Godbout et al. (2022). Motifs de consultation 2021-2022 des personnes consultant en sexothérapie auprès de stagiaires en sexologie clinique. Document inédit.Les troubles du désir et de l'excitation chez la femme Loss of libido | NHS informMasters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1966). Human sexual response. Little, Brown and Company.Nagoski, E. (2015). Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that will Transform your Sex Life. Publisher: Simon and Schuster, 416p.Natacha Godbout | Trace Parish, S. J., & Hahn, S. R. (2016). Hypoactive sexual desire disorder: a review of epidemiology, biopsychology, diagnosis, and treatment. Sexual medicine reviews, 4(2), 103-120.Trouver votre sexologue - OPSQ

Sheri and Matt review Come As You Are, the best-selling book by Dr. Emily Nagoski. They discuss sexual anatomy and how we all have the same parts just organized in different ways. Matt tells Sheri what a clitoris is, and it is worth tuning in for her reaction. They discuss Dr. Nagoski's explanation of what hits the accelerator, and what hits the brakes, when it comes to desire, arousal, intimacy, and orgasm. And they discuss the incredibly important, and mostly ignored or misunderstood, role of circumstantial and mindset context. As if that isn't enough, Sheri and Matt discuss how this all relates to recovering a relationship from alcoholism. If you blush when you hear the word, "penis," you are going to want your earbuds for this one. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener's question (the book review starts at 23:55). Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Toni Morris, a boomer, and her Gen Z granddaughter, Taylor Herrera, join Yo today to talk about leadership and important perspectives of being a good leader. You may remember Toni from Episode 40 where we discussed Burnout by the Nagoski sisters. Toni and Taylor help us explore the following questions: · What is leadership? · What do we want in our leaders? · Who are or have been great leaders? · What challenges to we face leading people of different generations? Link to Ep 2 with Karyn and Andrea, “Is Leadership Funny?” About Taylor Herrera Taylor has always been a high achiever! She not only graduated early from high school, she also completed her certification as a Master Esthetician shortly after her class graduated. She was drawn to this industry because she enjoyed both the science of skincare and helping people feel good about themselves. While the things that drew her to this industry remain, the work environment turned out to be a big disappointment. After working at multiple med-spas, and in several leadership positions, each seemed to turn out the same- disappointed that the focus was always profit at the expense of service and left her feeling disillusioned about the industry. So, she decided to explore other industries. She landed a customer service job in the business finance industry, where focusing on service could feed her passion for helping others. She has loves this company and their approach to service. She has received repeated recognition for her high level of service and for not only achieving targets, but consistently surpassing them. After only 6 months on the job, she was promoted to a leadership position, where she leads a team of 16 employees. She is excited for this opportunity to be the kind of leader she has always wanted to be. Taylor has a quiet confidence that is her superpower- along with her strong work ethic, desire to achieve, and self-awareness, people have always assumed from her maturity that she is older than her age. Taylor lives in Utah with her fiancé, Nick, and her beloved dog, Lando! She loves to cook, is kind of a health-nut (in a good way). About Toni Morris Toni has served in leadership roles over the last 25+ years. Her experience spans a wide range including new start-up businesses, executive/operations, employee/ physician engagement, organization strategy development, training, consumer/patient experience… She has also developed and facilitated training workshops, lead consulting projects and taught classes at a community college. In 2012, she started a nonprofit called Bridges for Humanity, that offered experiential learning opportunities to students- middle school through college. Toni published her first book in 2016. Her writing has primarily focused on fictional stories that inspire young people to be their best selves, increase their self-awareness, and recognize their own strengths and value. Currently, Toni is a consultant who focuses on projects that drive leadership development, employee engagement and teamwork. She is also a professional coach and is working on two new books- one is a sequel to her first book and the other is a book about the critical role connection plays in successful leadership. Toni is Taylor's super proud ‘Nana'! They have always had a very strong connection! They refer to each other as MBF's (Moon Buddies Forever), nicknames that started from an experience when Tay was about 4. But that's another story… Ways to Reach Yo/Taylor/Toni yo@yocanny.com https://girltaketheleadpod.com Public FB group: Girl, Take the Lead! LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/yocanny

Today we are joined by Dr Emily Nagoski as we discuss how sex works in the brain. During the pandemic she rewrote her best selling book, Come As You Are. What lead to this decision? What exactly did she update? What has changed in the science over the years since she first published the book? To listen to the other episode with Dr Nagoski you can find it here - Responsive Desire #606 Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... Passionately Married Academy: Pick you level of more access, Free, Academy and the new Masterclass level. https://smr.fm/academy The post How Sex Works In Our Brain | Dr Emily Nagoski #606 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Today we are joined by Dr Emily Nagoski as we discuss how sex works in the brain. During the pandemic she rewrote her best selling book, Come As You Are. What lead to this decision? What exactly did she update? What has changed in the science over the years since she first published the book? To listen to the other episode with Dr Nagoski you can find it here - Responsive Desire #606 Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... Passionately Married Academy: Pick you level of more access, Free, Academy and the new Masterclass level. https://passionatelymarried.net/academy

Today, I'm sharing a preview of a new podcast I'm enjoying and think you will, too. On Come As You Are, educator and bestselling author Dr. Emily Nagoski answers questions about sex with the latest science. You'll get a modern guide to sexual wellbeing, backed by groundbreaking research about desire, anatomy, orgasm and much more. In conversation with her producer, Emily debunks cultural myths and flips the script on everything you thought you knew about sex and sexuality. In this preview, Emily answers a listener question about losing the motivation to have sex and introduces us to a concept known as the "dual control model,” which offers a simple but radical shift in the way we think about horniness. Listen to Come As You Are at https://podcasts.pushkin.fm/caya?sid=db. --- Follow Sex Ed with DB on: Instagram: @sexedwithdbpodcast TikTok: @sexedwithdb YouTube: Sex Ed with DB Twitter: @sexedwithdb Facebook: @edwithdb --- Want to get in touch with Sex Ed with DB? Email us at sexedwithdb@gmail.com. Want exclusive Sex Ed with DB content? Join DB's crew on Patreon. --- About Sex Ed with DB: Sex Ed with DB is a feminist podcast bringing you all the sex ed you never got through unique and entertaining storytelling, centering LGBTQ+ and BIPOC experts. We discuss topics such as birth control, pleasure, LGBTQ+ health and rights, abortion, consent, BDSM, sex and disabilitity, HIV, sex in the media, and more.  --- Sex Ed with DB, Season 7 Team: Creator, Host, Executive Producer: Danielle Bezalel (DB) Co-Producer and Communications Lead: Cathren Cohen Co-Producer: Brian Peoples Social Media Intern: Sarah Kelly

For some fall is a refresh but for others, the change can feel overwhelming. Wherever you land on the spectrum, Lesley is sharing her best things that are supporting her in “Being It” until she sees it and the routines that are changing the way that she shows up every day. Maybe there is something to add to your fall routine to run into winter confidently. If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co . And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.In this episode you will learn about:Fall catch up with Lesley.The importance of prioritizing yourself.The top books to read for fall 2022.Things and products Lesley is loving.The value in acting "as if" before you are ready. Episode References/Links:Podcast survey!E-squared Pam GoutThe Game of LIfe and How to play it - Florence Scovel ShinnBurnout by Emily and Amelia NagoskiThe SourceSauna Space, Red light therapyHigher Dose, PEMF matContrology Wunda ChairNaboso hand weights  If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.Be It Till You See It Podcast SurveyUse this link to get your Toe Sox!ResourcesWatch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!Lesley Logan websiteBe It Till You See It PodcastOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley LoganOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTubeProfitable PilatesSocial MediaInstagramFacebookLinkedInEpisode Transcript:Lesley Logan  Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.Hey loves, how's it going? It's just me today. It's just me today. So hopefully that's exciting for you. We did solo episodes a little bit earlier in the summer, and we got some great feedback from you guys. So we'll be tossing these in. And every once well, especially when it applies to what kind of timely right now, and that is that this is the, that those last few months of the year and they can feel very, they can feel a little worrying, right? Like it starts to get really busy. I know for me, it's very busy. So at the time I'm recording this, we are getting ready for Agency Mini, by the time you share this, we probably have already finished it. But I'm also before that going to Nashville, coming back doing Mini and going to Chicago, coming back doing something else then going to Cambodia. Oh, I forgot there's new people at my house in between all of that for our business retreat. And then and then it's Thanksgiving, and all of a sudden it's Thanksgiving. And so this is a time of the year that can feel really overwhelming. There's a couple things I want to actually remind you of. You get to do this, like you get to do this. And I really, if you are struggling, if you're feeling overwhelmed, I really want you to reframe a little bit and just go, "I get to do this." Now if you don't want to do what you're doing, that is something to write down. So something I think is really cool about how we feel about things is that they are there, there are signs that you don't want to be doing the thing, or you don't be doing the thing with that person or that time. And you the more you pay attention to these things, the more you make notes, the more you can make conscious decisions. So for example, I actually love to travel, I love to go to Cambodia, there are so many things I love to do about it. So I am this busy season, not at no point am I going, oh my God, I have to do all this stuff, I get to do all this stuff. And I actually plan for all these things to happen when they're happening because this is kind of the time of the year that I really like to do all that. I like to pack it in, I like to make sure that we see all the faces of the people that we love. I really do like to do all of those things. Now, in the summertime, when I like want to be in chill vibes, I am not planning those things. I'm not doing them. In fact, when we did do them this summer, just like as a trial, my body was like, "Why are you doing this? It's summertime, it's summer vibes." So what is cool about journaling, or even just documenting or taking note somewhere about how you feel in your body, about different things as they can give you signs, about what to say yes to and no to in the future. And so there have been people who have been requesting a retreat for us to do in the summertime and we're not doing that. Now, there are a couple reasons I can say I don't do that. And they're very valid, that the weather in Cambodia is not exactly, exactly ideal for doing a retreat. Not only is it hot, but there's monsoons and we can't control them. And it's crazy rain, and I don't want people to fly all the way out there. And then we can't see the temples because the rain is insane. Right. So those are some reasons. And the other big reasons I don't want to. I don't want to I want to use my summers to reflect on the meaning of the year to plan for the fall of the year, to make sure we're all set up to rest, relax, to visit with friends as they come into town. So and those are all things I learned over the last couple of years of testing things. So it's okay that you didn't know about the things that you said yes to that you didn't maybe like the time that they were, the location that they were until you did them. That's okay. You don't have to be a psychic. Most of us are not. And in fact, some people who are aren't. So, so I think it's just really important to be kind to yourself, and acknowledge when things feel really good. Okay, what about that feels really good? What is it that people that you're with? Is the time that it was? Is it how it was planned out? What about that feels really good so that you can a) use those as green lights and green signals to say yes to in the future? What about it, didn't you like so you can use those red flags? And so every time I get asked to speak every time we plan a thing we could to look back at, like what didn't work before, what we liked about it, what people liked about it and then make decisions going on, which is why perfect is boring, which is why that waiting until something's perfect is the wrong thing to do. I wouldn't know 90% of this information until I had gone in there, done a retreat in August, done different things at different times of the year. That said yes to programs that were unorganized, disorganized, you know, that kind of thing. So I wouldn't know that, I wouldn't know what is actually important to me about organization and what isn't had I not experienced it and then felt it in my body. And so all of this is to say if you had a summer or for my southern hemisphere people had a winter where there was things that you loved and things that you didn't love, pay attention to what those things are and then use those things for moving forward. Okay.So that is kind of kind of how I kind of kind of it is exactly how I try to say yes or no to things and plan things on our calendar. And it's just really important to me. The other way is just really listening to you guys. So those of you who fill out the surveys at beitpod.com/tellme. Thank you, those are really great, when you interact with us in any of our other programs, Agency, OPC, we do a lot of surveys, we love surveys. They really help us figure out how we can be better at things, what things actually matter to you, you can be really easy ladies too. And I say ladies, I know there's a few good men listening, hello. But there's it can be really easy to think we need to add more, do more, give more. And truthfully, sometimes that can be overwhelming. Or they can be really overwhelming for some people. We'd ask them their server like, "Would you like more episodes?" And some people said, "Yes." And other people said, "It's enough." And I'm like, "Great. I'm not going to do dailies, if you don't want that." Now, if you all want that, then let me know. But we truly don't I don't want to overwhelm you without your request. And also your acknowledgement that that's what you want, right? So this is really great. Whether you're in business or not. And maybe you're like Lesely I'm not in business. You can survey with the people around you. You can you can ask questions, you can get feedback from people about yourself, you can even say, "Hey, you know, I'm actually trying to figure out what I want to do for the end of the year. Can you think of a time this summer where you notice that I was a little bit more frantic, frenetic, exhausted? And can you remember time this summer that I was excited, jubilated and joyful feeling at ease?" People around you spend time with you will know, they'll know. They'll remember. And that can be really helpful. Okay, so I say all this because in the last solo episode, I told you, I was being it till I see it. And right now, and I really have been working on that. And I noticed that there's an old story, I'll have to tell myself, which is that I'm too busy. Maybe you know that one, maybe you know that story. And sometimes I, in order to feel like I am in control of things that are uncontrollable, I will do more. So then they're not easy. And, and I'm getting stressed out and, and so that doesn't work. So I've been really working on some mantras and daily meditations, I've actually changed my morning routine a ton, and I'm still tweaking it as we speak. And for someone who loves routine that can be overwhelming, and also can be really exciting. It's really all how you reframe it. So one of the things that I am trying to do is a) work on my sleep. I've actually always had struggle with sleep situations, and stress. So I am someone who just because the childhood that I had I and it wasn't bad. Honestly, it wasn't bad. It just that I, as an oldest child of little kids and we're all born around the same time. I definitely took on a lot of stress around me and tried to fix a lot of things and do over the doer. I'm a doer. And I pride of myself on that actually I'm an, it's one of my strengths, I'm really good at. But a strength can be a weakness if you don't know when to use it and when not to use it. Right. So in these last couple of months, I've been really looking at my morning routine and seeing where parts of it can be switched into the afternoon because I do work from home. And what I could add to my morning that would allow me to set myself up to be in the most abundant receiving ease, ease full mode, strength base mode, just totally in tune like I really want the mornings to feel less like, Oh my God, I have all these things to do." And more like, "Okay, I get to do these things," kind of like how I started this episode. And that's something I share with you because something that I have always struggled with like I'm a very positive person like bright side up kind of person, but equally can get a little down about things especially when things are out of my control.So then I start to do more and then when does it happen is I'm not in receiving mode, I'm not actually noticing opportunities around me and I'm too busy to be the person I want to be for those I love. So that is not prioritization of self, that is not putting myself first, that is not taking messy action, that is trying to be perfect in some other way. And so the last couple of months I've really been doing that and I started off with adding in my red light therapy to that routine. I also stopped doing my morning Instagram talks, you guys it's not because I don't love doing them. I just was like I really want to take in the surroundings more, I really want to be at ease more. I don't actually want to have to work right now. Right. So that doesn't mean I won't do them anymore. It just means I need to do them later in my morning and I'm working on putting them back in. So as I be it till I see it, what I am doing is catching myself when I say I'm too busy and doing what I would think a non busy person who is confident and positive and abundant and supportive of their business and their team and their dreams would do? So that's the whole premise of the Be It Till You See It Podcast acting as if before you're ready, right? So if I look at, if I think what a woman who runs a massive company, who takes care of herself, what does she do? How is her morning routine? What is that setup? So I did a lot of research on things you can do to make your body sleep better. As I mentioned, I'm working on my sleep. So your sleep for the night starts in the morning before and we can thank Huberman for his podcasts on that. But and there's a bunch of other studies on that. But really, truly, like, I do already wake up pretty early. So I do get the morning light of the day. And so I was like, "Okay, well, that's helping my sleep out. So what else can help my sleep out?" So I've been working on doing those things. So I've been changing my morning routine up to rabbit symbol, what I imagine a woman who runs a company, who prioritize prioritize their self first but do the morning. And that required some changes in my morning because I was really pushing a lot of things into my morning routine, and feeling the sense of urgency that they had to get done, and they weren't of ease. And of course, that's what we're trying to be until we see is that easefulness on this and running this business. And so I have in the last few weeks shifted that morning routine to my workout. Some of them happen a little later. Sometimes they happen in the same time. So every day is actually now different, which is weird for me. But I'm finding a lot of fun in that and flow in that and a little bit of like rebelliousness that I don't always let myself have in that. So that's super cool. I will when we get to my favorite things list off a lot of the things that I'm doing in the morning that you can borrow, we've got affiliate links or links below that you can enjoy. So as I be it till I see it in that what it is challenging me on is watching my responses to things because no longer do the old responses, the quick responses apply, I actually need to take a step back. And so when I say, "Oh, I don't have time." I actually go right now. When does that need to be done and then I look and see when I can get it done. And it's kind of amazing. I used to also think I didn't have time to meditate every day. Wrong. I have since figured out that I can. So watching the stories I tell myself that are keeping me from being it till I see it is something that I am in constant practice with. And I wonder if I always will be. I don't know, jury's out, I'll keep you posted. So hopefully that is helpful for you just like seeing like, not perfect. We're still working on it. Every day is kind of a challenge based on like the old way of thinking and the stories I told myself that made me feel safe and made me feel secure, that made me you know, not go off and do some crazy things. And now those things are actually holding me back and the growth of what I'm trying to do. And like I am on a mission, more bodies doing Pilates, and I cannot do that if I don't think I have time. Because I need to be able to create time so I can tell you how to create time. Right.So okay, now, some of you always ask us, like, what are some books I'm reading right now. And I am going to let you know, since I talked to Coach Lee, I have been doing my E-Squared book, I'm not doing it as quickly as I did the first time, I'm kind of stopping at different chapters and waiting until I want to do the experiment before I go on to the next chapter. So I it's actually going really cool and it's actually a really good reminder. There are some things that she wrote in there that I want to just like paint on my walls. So E-Squared by Pam Grout, she's still on the list to get on the pod. So if you know her hook a sister up. Okay, um, then I was I had some girls out, you may remember Brad and I the time I had some girls come to visit that I kind of met through friends of friends. And we all like, "Let's do a friend's weekend." And I highly recommend you do that. I know that can sound really scary. And really, it can be even expensive sounding. The truth is you can you can make it whatever it needs to be. But shared experience is really do make a difference in how you feel and who you surround yourself with makes a difference. We have had multiple multiple guests come on, and we have another guest coming up who is going to tell you that it really does make a difference who you invite into your energy, who you invite into your circle and how much time you spend around them. And so it might require some boundaries. So on that girls weekend, they ment... mentioned, Florin Sho... Scholar Shine. Hold on, let's just pull up her book because I just finished it. It's actually really old. Okay, so I listened to it on Audible and I'm going to be super, oh Florence Scovel Shinn, there it is. So, my autocorrect, I got that weird. So I got the complete works on Audible. I don't even think it charged me a credit. And somebody reads it. The words that she uses, like Victrola. And I just imagine people walking around like the old old New York of like, the 1890s As I'm reading it, but the stuff still makes sense. And it does mention God a lot. So you can insert your own word for that there. And she does and occasional spots but I listened to it on a dog walk because I was like, I just need to be around as much positivity as I can. And the first book I will say is the best one of all of them. A great reminder of being very like actually knowing what you need more of, and, and asking for that. And then being aware of that we've talked about that with Dr. Philippe Douyon, where it's like your eyes and ears are seeing what your brain is looking for. So if you're very co... conscious of what it is that you're looking for, you will then look for evidence for that. And there was some really cool stories in that first book. So I really recommend it. The rest of them it was it was good. I think the first one is a good good place to stop. I have Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagos... Nagoski, on my Audible that I'm going to next. It's actually part of the book club that we have for Agency. And I'm really excited about I heard them on Brené Brown, and I've had it on my list for a long time. It is a long book. So it's just been working my way to it. And then I just bought the source that we talked about in Stef Caldwell's episode, there's actually a couple books called The Source. So if you actually look back at Stef's episode, we'll put the link in the show notes. There's a specific the source that we want. But again, it just goes into this. There's science around manifestation. And when you can't just do all the things like we... it is we're telling ourselves a lie if we think that we can control all the parts are going to make anything happen. There are a lot of things, there's always a lot of things going on. In fact, like there's stuff in your personal life that's going on, great and not so great. There's stuff in your professional life that's going on, great and not so great. There's stuff in your health that's going on, great and not so great. Right? It is like a disservice and illusion if you think you can actually control all of those things you can't. So you can do what you can do. And then the next thing you have to do is like think like Hazel Ortega have some miracle goals around it be really specific, and then start looking for evidence for it to be true. So I'm like big on those books, I really think that they're gonna help me as I close up this year. As I plan for what we're gonna do in 2023, it has been an interesting 2022 and just doing a lot of things, testing things, changing things. And so I am trying to spend a lot of time on what do I really want? What are we doing all this for? How do we want to be when we're doing that? That's what I'm working on. So as with those books are going to you'll see there's a theme there. As always, you know, you can ask us any questions, you can DM the pod on Instagram and ask us any questions that you have around business, health, personal goals, and Brad and I will answer them on the recaps. And we want your question. So please do DM us. Okay, now, two of my favorite things. Okay, so I Brad calls me a total consumer. It's true. I am, I I really am and I have a lot of fun trying out new things. I do, I don't do a ton of research but I will oftentimes, like want something, look it up. I say yes to all the cookies, because I'm like, yes, track me down, ratio this to my face, let me know when you're having some Labor Day sale.You know, I'm like a, I'm a big fan of cookies. And you guys, you can all use cookies and ads to like, help you see the things you want to see. So you can hate them. But like that's how small businesses make money. And also big businesses too. But the other thing is, is like you can actually say yeah, actually, I would love it if you show me more of this, you just click on the ad and then that they'll, make sure you see that more often. So anyways, um, couple of these things gonna talk to you about are things that have been on my list for a while. So first thing, we talked about my red light therapy before, I really love the one that I have. I have it on, I actually bought like a tray for it that's on wheels, it's like a little stand on wheels, so that I can wheel it in front of my meditation chair, and then I can wheel it back into the closet. So I'm super excited about that. First I had to just like out on a thing, and I had to move it, move it back. And you know what, let's just be really honest, people, it's hard, we're not going to do it right. So I had to, I had to go buy a tray on wheels to make it a little easier. But it is one of the best purchases I've made to go along with that. And there is a ton of studies on red light therapy for people, especially in the morning. And so I'm a big fan of that. And I will say that I have sat in front of it even in the evening when I haven't been feeling as my positive self. And I feel better when I'm done being there. So it's great. I'll read a book on that. What like I'll read a book on my meditation chair in front of the lamp, I'll do breathwork in front of the lamp. I read some emails the other day in front of the lamp like I that's where going back to my morning routine changing on different days, the red light is either part of my meditation, or it's just part of my morning work day so that I can still get it in which is actually super, super cool. Then to go along with this, my chiropractor now light he had both this red light and something called a PEMF mat and I put the link it's my actual affiliate link below. So it should get you directly to the mat and also some fun little goodies that go along with it. And I am I've been wanting this mat for about six months. Every time we go I lay on I have like an hour, I really, it's hard to explain how amazing it makes me feel. But it really does make me feel great. And so I've been saving it, letting it, show up in my ads all the time. And we finally got one and I have used it everyday since. And I'm, this is where I go back to that story. I told myself, I'm too busy. Well, guess what, folks, I wasn't too busy to find an hour each day to lay on it. Since I've got it. So um, so it's kind of crazy. I think when you say you're too busy, you either don't want to do the thing, or you're avoiding doing the thing. And if you're already doing the thing, you're either avoiding it because there's something that scares you about it or you just don't want to do it. So so let that be testament because I bet you the things you really want to do you make time for. Right. So anyways, that link is below I'm obsessed with it. Last time I did a solo episode I told about my favorite water bottle. I'm still obsessed with it. In fact, I have since had a couple of different facials, I have had seen a doctor and my holistic doctor and like, at no point has anyone said I'm dehydrated. I looked hydrated, everything is normal. Everything is great. And I'm super just stoked about this water bottle like it's one of the my favorite things in life. So that link we actually have the affiliate link now and it's below and a bunch of my friends have already bought theirs. We we now I literally almost bought myself another one. And I decided I have to hold back until it's like actually the color I want. So we're patient, we're patiently waiting. Also, I finally got myself a Contrology Wunda Chair. So as you know, if you're in the Pilates world, listening to this. I'm a big fan of that Contrology equipment for my studies with Jay Grimes, like I just really love the way the old equipment was built. And even classical equipment today is not built the same way it was before. And so Contrology has done a wonderful job, really doing a lot of research going back and seeing those old piece of equipment using the old springs to make these new springs and it's incredible. It's very different. We actually got it because we're making the flashcard deck for the chairs now. So if you need an affiliate link to anything by Balanced Body, you can always hit us up, you can those exist on all of our YouTube tutorials. But also, the Contrology equipment is built by Balanced Body and I have an affiliate link for that. But get the Contrology chair is new, it came at the same time as a Ladder Barrel. And I'm sure I'll end up with that. But I really wanted the chair now because we're doing the decks now. And I got it in a really cool blue. I know you've seen my chair, it's hot pink, that color doesn't exist anymore. So I got a hot blue to go with it. I'm just really excited. It's like Barbie pink and Barbie blue like chairs. And I'm just, I think I'm gonna take pictures with them like going to on a date together.Okay, last couple of my favorite things. Naboso hand weights. So I met this woman at Momentum Fest. And I really liked the way that her hand weights felt in my hands like the texture she put in, there's a bunch of science behind it. And as you know, when you do Pilates, you only want one to two pound hand weights. Unless you're my bigger guys. And of course, I'll let you up to five, but nothing more than that, because it gets really distal, and I don't want you to be in your shoulders prefer three actually for you. But anyways, these hand weights are great. They're super fun, you can use them for anything, not just Pilates, and she's got a bunch of other good stuff for waking up your feet, and things like that. So check that out. And then finally, for my business folks who are thinking that they're just too busy, and like, "Where does she find the time?" Here I'm gonna tell you a little secret. In our household, and in our business, we Loom everything. Oh, actually, I'm gonna just be really honest, I don't log into the Loom account as much as everyone else says I'll use Zoom. But Loom Loom is the best. And so you can actually use my affiliate link below. And what it allows you to do is anything that you're already repeating in your life that you do, that you know, you want to someday hand off so life or work, you can Loom. So for example, let's say I don't want to schedule my newsletters anymore. So the next time I go to schedule one, I'm actually going to log into Loom so use my link below to get your account, you'll log in. And then you'll literally just talk to yourself, scheduling your next newsletter. And it will record your screen, record your clicks, record your voice, and you just label it, put in your Dropbox folder. And then when you do hire someone and go, "Here's how you do that. Go take a look at it. Let me know if you have any questions." And hopefully they're able to do it seems to train them. It's all done. So those are my favorite things. Some of them are well most of them are personal health related, then there is some Pilates related and then the business one related. I hope that these are helpful for you. Let me know if you liked this episode, if this if it's if it's good for you to hear like my thought process. I'm a total verbal processor as you can tell, and then what I'm reading and how that helps me be it till I see it and then what I'm using so I can support myself. Y'all, it takes a village okay, it really really does. I do understand that some of the things I'm talking about do come at a cost. And I understand that. So if right now, money is not something you have access to to support who you want to be in this world, can you please take a note out of Rachel Rodgers book, We Should All Be Millionaires. We've talked about this on the podcast before and use the word 'and' instead of 'but I don't have any money', and I don't have any money. And then I really do want you to then listen to that Flo... Florence Scovel Shinn book which I'm pretty sure it's free on on Audible, and hear how like, you can actually just be very specific on what you want. And then your eyes and ears are gonna see an opportunity. Maybe one of these things I've listed, but I say I love ends up at your neighbor's, like, garage sale, maybe ends up on a Facebook sale. Maybe someone's just like, "Hey, I'm moving. I can't take this with me." Right. Like you'd be surprised. What can come to you when you're in receiving mode and when you're aware of what you want. And I hope that these podcasts really help bring that to light and give you something to think about in your life is you can have everything you want. You can. You just have to a) know you want it and then also believe you deserve it, which you do. You don't have to have an excuse for that. You don't have to reason for that. You don't have to explain it to ... to anybody including me. I love you all so much. It is so fun to record these podcasts for you. The solo ones are unique and new for me, so I really do hope that they're helpful. And please if you have feedback, if you have questions, if there is ... guest you want to hear or if you want more solo episodes, then go to beitpod.com/tellme and then we can get you and give us that information and then we can continue to fine tune everything to help all of you, Be It Till You See It.That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review. And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day! 'Be It Till You See It' is a production of 'As The Crows Fly Media'. It's written produced, filmed and recorded by your host Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.  Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing. Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianranco Cioffi. Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can't see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all videos each week so you can.  And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.Transcribed by https://otter.aiSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/be-it-till-you-see-it/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Let's talk about burnout. Whether from a parenting or business ownership perspective (there are surprising overlaps!) Billie and Jordan share what burnout feels like to them and how they try to cope with it while balancing all of the other responsibilities that they both have. Mentioned: Brene Brown Ep – https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-emily-and-amelia-nagoski-on-burnout-and-how-to-complete-the-stress-cycle/ Nagoski book – https://www.burnoutbook.net/ Britt Hawthorn IG – @britthawthorn

Sextember continues! Did you know there's no such thing as a sex drive? In this episode, Rhett and Link are joined by Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, and they take her Sexual Temperament Assessment to see where they fall on the sexual spectrum. Plus - Link's party glasses are back, and this time, Link has competition. To learn more about the Dr. Nagoski's work or to get a copy of her book, visit www.emilynagoski.com To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why did I take April off?  ...because I was experiencing early signs of burnout!  And in this episode, I'll discuss how those signs showed up for me in real-time and finally convinced me to take some time off and truly investigate what was going on in my world.  I'll also share a few tips to break the stress cycle as outlined in the Nagoski sisters' book on the topic.  You won't want to miss this cliff notes version of burnout prevention from someone who knows it all too well.   This is the first in a series on Burnout and Burnout Prevention...so take a deep breath and Enjoy! Jes

In today's podcast I talk a little bit about understanding trauma, burnout, and stress after an aquired brain injury. I talk a bit about the stress cycle. I do a deep dive in my free email course. Check that out here: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/606e5015d0ab2d0103020f8a Look out for a blog on my website soon on this topic with even more information www.tbitherapist.com Tips for completing the stress cycle Move–You may have heard that "Exercise is medicine,” and it's true. Movement is key for all humans, and helps with completing the stress response cycle. Aerobic exercise in particular is linked to improved cognition, decreases in mental illness, and improvements in concussion recovery outcomes (APA, 2020). Interestingly, it may mimic physiologically stressful situations in the brain and aid in overcoming other stressful situations. Cry--It's true! Crying or engaging in time to grieve/feel the emotion is a powerful tool. To move through an emotion, we need to see its end, as the Nagoski sisters discuss in Burnout. In EMDR we do this by noticing the thoughts, images, body sensations, and emotions that come up with a particular memory. We then follow the channels of association or go down the emotional tunnel until there is no distress in the body. Connect: Social Interaction is also medicine, with potentially even larger implications than exercise! A meta-analysis of social relationships and mortality risk indicates that we should really think about “prescribing” more social interaction, for our clients as well as ourselves. The researchers argued that “People with stronger social relationships had a 50% increased likelihood of survival than those with weaker social relationships." They further stated that "These findings indicate that the influence of social relationships on the risk of death are comparable with well-established risk factors for mortality such as smoking and alcohol consumption and exceed the influence of other risk factors such as physical inactivity and obesity." In other words, it's not only fun to connect with your social network, it's also really important for your health. (Holt-Lunstad, J. Smith TB, Layton JB, 2010)”

In today's podcast I talk a little bit about understanding trauma, burnout, and stress after an aquired brain injury.  I talk a bit about the stress cycle.  I do a deep dive in my free email course. Check that out here:  https://view.flodesk.com/pages/606e5015d0ab2d0103020f8a Look out for a blog on my website soon on this topic with even more information www.tbitherapist.com   Tips for completing the stress cycle   Move–You may have heard that "Exercise is medicine,” and it's true. Movement is key for all humans, and helps with completing the stress response cycle. Aerobic exercise in particular is linked to improved cognition, decreases in mental illness, and improvements in concussion recovery outcomes (APA, 2020). Interestingly, it may mimic physiologically stressful situations in the brain and aid in overcoming other stressful situations. Cry--It's true! Crying or engaging in time to grieve/feel the emotion is a powerful tool. To move through an emotion, we need to see its end, as the Nagoski sisters discuss in Burnout. In EMDR we do this by noticing the thoughts, images, body sensations, and emotions that come up with a particular memory. We then follow the channels of association or go down the emotional tunnel until there is no distress in the body.   Connect: Social Interaction is also medicine, with potentially even larger implications than exercise! A meta-analysis of social relationships and mortality risk indicates that we should really think about “prescribing” more social interaction, for our clients as well as ourselves. The researchers argued that “People with stronger social relationships had a 50% increased likelihood of survival than those with weaker social relationships." They further stated that "These findings indicate that the influence of social relationships on the risk of death are comparable with well-established risk factors for mortality such as smoking and alcohol consumption and exceed the influence of other risk factors such as physical inactivity and obesity." In other words, it's not only fun to connect with your social network, it's also really important for your health. (Holt-Lunstad, J. Smith TB, Layton JB, 2010)”

Today on the show, I am sharing my interview with Farzana Doctor where we talk about non-monogamy, what sexuality looks like in your 40s, and what it means to be a quote unquote “good woman.” We also discuss her new book that is a collection of poetry, You Still Look the Same. I particularly resonated with her poem Boundaries and I know it's a topic a lot of folks have asked me about. Resources from the Show! Farzana Doctor: https://farzanadoctor.com/ You Still Look The Same Discount Code: use DOCTOR20 at check-out at https://freehand-books.com/ (https://freehand-books.com) Audiobook link: https://libro.fm/audiobooks/9781778520648 Seven Link: https://farzanadoctor.com/seven/ Interview with Farzana in Season 2: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-love-doctor/id1519672109?i=1000536137699 Burnout by Nagoski sisters: https://www.burnoutbook.net/ Internal Family Systems therapy: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/internal-family-systems-therapy Polysecure by Jessica Fern: ​​https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52569124-polysecure Metamour definition: https://www.polydictionary.org/metamour/

This month we have Lillian Bailey, MS, LMFT, back again! Check out Episode 25 if you haven't yet. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist whose practice has a large focus in sex therapy. Lillian is back with a Q and A for all your burning questions. We discuss the complexities of sexuality, pleasure and how your mental health and pain can play a role in orgasms! And Lillian never leaves us empty handed-We came away with a ton of resources to share as well. Another fun conversation with Lillian, take a listen! References: “All about S.E.X.: The Scarleteen Book!” Scarleteen, 18 Apr. 2022, https://www.scarleteen.com/article/read/all_about_s_e_x_the_scarleteen_book. “American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists |.” AASECT, https://www.aasect.org/. Body brain and pain episode 15 and 25 - Take a listen if you haven't! Hartman, Dee, and Elizabeth Wood. The Pleasure Prescription: A Surprising Approach to Healing Sexual Pain. Lillian Bailey, MS, LMFT, https://www.lillianbaileymft.com/. Nagoski, Emily. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2021. “Our Mission - the Smitten Kitten.” The Smitten Kitten Inc., 24 Nov. 2021, https://www.smittenkittenonline.com/. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. https://www.psychologytoday.com/. We really like this article on massage tools and what they're doing actually! https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/massage-gun-theragun-worth-the-money Disclaimer: This podcast contains general information for community education purposes only, and does not take into account your specific comorbidities that your current healthcare provider may be managing. Please contact your care provider with questions regarding anything particular to you.

This is a Spotlight episode, where the goal is to shine a light on certain topics together with an expert and explore it through different lenses. In this episode, we discuss emotional agility: What it is, why it's important, and how to develop it as a skill. We speak with Andreia Lungulescu, who is a hands-on people and organizational development consultant and coach with a passion for nurturing and championing human potential. She has a background in clinical psychology and cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy, with specializations in schema therapy, co-active coaching, and compassion-focused therapy. Her knowledge about human emotions and behavior, combined with her years of practical experience in organizations and her spot-on pop culture references, make this an insightful and fun conversation. Further readings and resources mentioned in this episode: Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Vermilion. Interview of Brené Brown by Oprah Winfrey on this book and related topics: https://www.oprahdaily.com/entertainment/books/a38569758/brene-brown-o-talks/  David, S. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. Avery. Brené Brown podcast (part 1) with Susan David: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-dr-susan-david-on-the-dangers-of-toxic-positivity-part-1-of-2/ Brené Brown podcast (part 2) with Susan David: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-dr-susan-david-on-the-dangers-of-toxic-positivity-part-2-of-2/  TED How To Be A Better Human podcast with Susan David: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-to-nurture-your-emotional-agility-with-susan-david/id1544098624?i=1000544114715  TED Talk by Susan David: https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage Frankl, V. E., (1959). Man's search for meaning. Beacon Press.  [Original German publication: Frankl, V. E. (1946). Ein Psychologe erlebt das Konzentrationslager. Verlag für Jugend und Volk]  Frankl, V. E. (1979). The unheard cry for meaning. Touchstone. Nagoski, E. & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine. Brené Brown podcast on this book: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-emily-and-amelia-nagoski-on-burnout-and-how-to-complete-the-stress-cycle/ Sapolsky, R. (2017). Behave: The biology of humans at our best and worst. Penguin. Willcox, G. (1982). The Feeling Wheel: A tool for expanding awareness of emotions and increasing spontaneity and intimacy. Transactional Analysis Journal, 12(4), 274–276. Films and television shows mentioned in this episode Doctor, P. (2015). Inside Out [Film]. Pixar Animation Studios; Walt Disney Pictures. (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2096673) Nolan, C. (Director). (2010). Inception [Film]. Warner Bros.,;a Legendary Entertainment (in association with) Syncopy. (

In this episode, Laura talks with Dr. Amelia Nagoski, DMA, co-author of the New York Times bestselling book, "Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle." They discuss Dr. Nagoski's career, the reality of COVID and its effect on the lives of artists, the patriarchy, and burnout. As many artists are enduring or have endured tough transitions in the last two years and are experiencing burnout, this is an important episode to remind us of how, and why, we make music and what it does to us as people, inside and out. Notes Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle Unruly Wellness Donate to CSI Join CSI Digital Listen to us on Spotify --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/cincysong/message

It's been a busy couple of weeks leading up to the end of the year for both Inger and Jason. There's a lot of cars on their respective work highways. While Inger was 'snappish', Jason suddenly found himself Overwhelmed by everything. Jason describes his  terrible, no good Tuesday and tells Inger how he ate hot chips, went to afternoon Brazillian JuJitsu and bullet journaled his way out of it.  Inger knows the ways of Burnout after she got carried out of a lecture theatre to hospital in 2018, after a terrible no good 2017. Inger explains to Jason  why his strategies worked according to Science, using the wonderful feminist self help book 'Burnout' by the Nagoski sisters. Apparently it's all about running away from the lion, which is why Jason deciding to have his face mashed into the mat by a BJJ sparring partner was exactly The Right Thing To Do.In other news, Jason has been trying to read 'Risk: a user's guide', but is annoyed about the writing style. Inger had the opposite reaction to 'The Game' by Sean Kelly (she even sent him an admiring note about his use of Gerunds. In the 2 minute tips section Jason shares a new #bujo innovation and Inger shares the 'one decision that saves 100 decisions' about peer reviewing. Links:Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycleRisk: a user's guideThe Game: a portrait of Scott Morrison The Year America's Hair Fell OutAnd in case you were wondering, of course Inger bought the new Version Two Bullet Journal A billion-dollar donation: estimating the cost of researchers' time spent on peer reviewMy personal reviewing policy: No more billion-dollar donationsLeave us a message on www.speakpipe.com/thesiswhisperer. Email Inger, she's easy to find. You will not be able to find Jason's email (he likes it that way).Talk to us on BlueSky by following @thesiswhisperer and @drjd. Inger is sadly addicted to Threads, but cannot convince JD to join. You can find her there, and on all the Socials actually, as @thesiswhisperer. You can read her stuff on www.thesiswhisperer.com. You can support the pod by buying our Text Expander guide for academics from the Thesis Whisperer website.

This month we have Lillian Bailey, MS, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist whose practice has a large focus in sex therapy. She shared with us her personal experiences with persistent pain and how that impacted her desire to help others with pain. She also explains her role as a mental health therapist in the more broad interdisciplinary pain team and we dive into what sex therapy actually entails and how to seek it out. Lillian highlights the problems with our societal expectations of sex and the negative impacts they can have on our mental health. Lillian also tests Erin and Kayla's sex fact knowledge! We enjoyed our conversation and learned so much this month. We hope you do too! References: - “American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists |.” AASECT, https://www.aasect.org/. - Lillian Bailey, MS, LMFT, https://www.lillianbaileymft.com/. - Nagoski, Emily. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2021. - “Our Mission - the Smitten Kitten.” The Smitten Kitten Inc., 24 Nov. 2021, https://www.smittenkittenonline.com/. Pearsall, Paul. - The Pleasure Prescription: To Love, to Work, to Play-- Life in the Balance. Hunter House Publishers, 1996. - Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. https://www.psychologytoday.com/. Disclaimer: This podcast contains general information for community education purposes only, and does not take into account your specific comorbidities that your current healthcare provider may be managing. Please contact your care provider with questions regarding anything particular to you.

It's book club day! We are diving into one of the most recommended powerhouse texts in the sexuality space: Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. Here with Caitlin to discuss is Cassandra Corrado, a superstar sex educator who uses Nagoski's work in her own practice. We break down "accelerators" and "brakes" that impact sex, the importance of context, and ways to expand the work to be as inclusive as possible of trans and nonbinary people. _________________________Show NotesScarleteen websiteYou Deserve Good Sex YouTube seriesBetween The Pages The Monster Under The Bed episodeCassandra's websiteRegister for the Self-Lust Retreat September 2022Follow Cassandra on Instagram @feministsexedBuy Come As You Are: Revised and UpdatedFucking Trans Women ZineTrans Bodies Trans SelvesNina Here Nor There_________________________You can find all book recommendations mentioned on the podcast on Bookshop.org here (and if you shop through the affiliate link,  Caitlin gets a little commission!)Remember to rate, review, and subscribe to help the pod grow!You can follow the podcast @betweenthepagespod on Instagram and Caitlin's bookish content @bookescait on Instagram

Strefa żółta to być może najmniej kojarzona strefa regulacji. Tym chętniej zapraszamy do zapoznania się z nią, z tym trybem podstawowym (default mode), którego bardzo potrzebujemy. Tym razem przegadujemy: jak i skąd wzięła się koncepcja żółtej strefy i pod jakimi nazwami możemy j spotkać; jak długo i po co warto być w żółtej strefie; że potrzebujemy wdechu i wydechu; co pomaga nam włączać regenerację i odpoczynek; przekonania, które powodują, że trudno im być w żółtej strefie; kwestię relacji pomiędzy strefami - czy są konkurencją, czy raczej uzupełniają się i każda z nich wspiera co innego; oceny i osądy, jakie pojawiają się nam, gdy odpoczywamy; traktowanie odpoczynku jako kolejnego zadania/obowiązku; proces kiszenia ogórków, pory roku i porządki w bibliotece, które pomagają zrozumieć wagę żółtej strefy; ciężką pracę mózgu, która odbywa się podczas naszego “nic się nie dzieje”; wpływ napięcia na możliwość odpoczywania; szukamy sposobów na redukowanie napięcia, ale też tego, do czego nam to napięcie służy i czego może być sygnałem. Wspominamy o: Teorii poliwagalnej; “Mózg na tak” - książce Daniele Siegela; https://www.justinlmft.com/podcast; “Wypalenie” - książkę sióstr Nagoski; “Sapiens. Od zwierząt do bogów”. - książce Y.N. Harari; “Dlaczego rodzice tak cię wkurzają i co z tym zrobić” - książce Deana Burnetta;

Zaczynamy od razu od zielonej strefy w praktyce - zaskoczyły nas nowe ustawienia lajwów na Facebooku i będąc już na wizji, uczymy się ich z dużym spokojem. A potem rozmawiamy o tym, jak to jest być w zielonej strefie, czym się ona charakteryzuje i co się w niej dzieje: kontakty międzyludzkie są raczej łatwe; mamy poczucie bezpieczeństwa; niejasności i nowości traktujemy jako wyzwanie, okazje do rozwoju; różnice traktujemy jako różnorodność i zasób; łatwiej jest prosić o pomoc, gdy napotyka się na przeszkody; towarzyszy nam w niej opowieść o obfitości; ciekawość historii drugiego człowieka bardziej niż walka na rację; jest większa dostępność do oglądu sytuacji z metapoziomu - lotu ptaka, z szerszej perspektywy; jesteśmy “tu i teraz”; jest większa świadomość tego, co czuję i zdolności nazwania tego; bierzemy pod uwagę siebie i bierzemy pod uwagę innych ludzi. W Pogadance pojawiają się nazwiska, tytuły, terminy: Campy - Rodzinne wyjazdy, w których od lat uczestniczymy - www.pasikonie.pl; pytanie pomocne w wielu sytuacjach wyzwań - co najgorszego mogłoby się stać?; okno tolerancji (Peter Levine i Bessel van der Kolka); kucie żelaza póki zimne - za Jesperem Juulem; Deb Dana i jej sposób opisywania stref; connecting knowing - pojęciu zaczerpnięte od sióstr Nagoski; narzędzie przeramowania - dodawania nowej ramy do sytuacji; (jak zwykle :) - Kasia Urbaniak - tym razem w kontekście ćwiczeń pełnych zabawy; książka/broszura “Motivational Forces Underlining learning” Harry Harlow; książka “Drive” Dan Pink; książka “Wypalenie” E.Nagoski; książka “Sex for one” - Betty Dodson; Hanna Olechnowicz - w kontekście bodźców wizualnych, słuchowych i dotykowych; “koło zgody” Betty Martin.

In this episode, we unpack and explore what burnout looks like, share our personal experiences with burnout, and provide resources and strategies that can help with burnout recovery. Here are some of the resources that we mention in this episode: 1. Burn-out an "occupational phenomenon": International Classification of Diseases. World Health Organization. (2019, May 28). https://www.who.int/news/item/28-05-2019-burn-out-an-occupational-phenomenon-international-classification-of-diseases. 2. Nagoski, A., & Nagoski, E. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books. 3. Smith, M., Segal, J., & Robinson, L. (2020, October). Burnout Prevention and Treatment. HelpGuide. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm#. Enjoy the episode. Please follow the podcast, leave a review, and share with loved ones. We appreciate your support! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sistersthrivingspendidly/support

Learn or review the key takeaways of Burnout by Emily Nagoski PhD and Amelia Nagoski DMA in minutes: https://go.getstoryshots.com/o2Xo (https://go.getstoryshots.com/o2Xo) Life gets busy. Has https://geni.us/burnout-free-audiobook (Burnout) been gathering dust on your bookshelf? Instead, pick up the key ideas now. We're scratching the surface here. If you don't already have the book, order it https://geni.us/burnout-book (here) or get thehttps://geni.us/burnout-free-audiobook ( audiobook for free) on Amazon to learn the juicy details. Emily Nagoski's Perspectivehttps://geni.us/emily-nagoski (Emily Nagoski) began her career as a sex educator in 1995 when she became a peer health educator at the University of Delaware. She was trained to teach her fellow undergraduates about stress and physical activity. She went to Indiana University for a M.S. in Counseling Psychology, completing clinical internships at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic and the IU GLBT Student Support Services Office. Nagoski continued on to earn a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a concentration in human sexuality.  For eight years, she worked as a lecturer and Director of Wellness Education at Smith College, before transitioning to full-time writing and speaking. She now travels all over, training professionals and teaching college students. Introduction https://geni.us/burnout-free-audiobook (Burnout) aims to explain the primary causes of one of the worst health crises in the modern world: emotional exhaustion. The authors argue that stressors are part of life, but most of us struggle to break a stress cycle. Staying within a state of stress for long periods without breaking it up with exercise, social connections and rest will lead to overexhaustion. Burnout aims to help readers understand which stressors can be controlled and how you can go about controlling them. StoryShot #1: Try to Close the Stress CycleStress is a neurological and physiological response that is generally associated with threat. The purpose of these responses is to help you run away from these threats. This is why the first hormone released during threatening situations is epinephrine, which pushes blood into the muscles. This blood movement leads to a higher blood pressure and faster heart rate. To help preserve energy, the body chooses to slow digestion and reproduction. The issue with this is that it is easy to get stuck in the emotion of stress, which Nagoski calls the stress cycle. If the emotion of stress takes over your life, then your body will struggle to deal with these constant stress responses. Your blood pressure will remain high, leaving you at risk of heart disease. Your body will also heal slower, as your immune and digestive systems will be constantly slow. All of these signs point to our need to close the stress cycle. One effective way of closing your stress cycle is exercising. Moderate physical activity for 20 to 60 minutes will help shift your mood and tackle your body's stress response. This is because, after exercising, your muscles relax and you feel the shift from breathing heavily to taking deep and slower breaths. This should provide you with an emotional release. An alternative to physical exercise would be creatively expressing yourself. This might be in the form of painting, singing, playing an instrument, or sculpting. These expressions can be complemented by completing them with other people. Positive social interactions, especially those that suggest a return to safety (e.g. hugs and laughter), will help you close your stress cycle.     StoryShot #2: Fight Stress by Building Your Resilience To fight stress you have to start developing resilience and persistence. One of the most effective ways of doing so is knowing what you want and having your life aligned with these wants. That said, you must also align your life with something bigger than yourself. Meaning is the best antidote to...

Nie pierwszy raz bierzemy na tapet strefy regulacji. Była już Pogadanka #38, w której przyglądałyśmy się zbiorczo im wszystkim, miesiąc temu zaprosiłyśmy na wycieczkę do strefy niebieskiej, a tym razem do - jak się wydaje - lepiej rozpoznawalnej i bardziej widocznej - czerwonej. Przyglądamy się: czarno-białemu językowi z czerwonej strefy; ucieczce (której jesteśmy fankami), różnym jej formom i narracji, jaka im towarzyszy; przekonaniom wokół dominacji, które odkrywamy na spacerach z psami; o strategii “nie teraz”; umysłowi początkującego - otwartemu na różne możliwości; obserwowaniu siebie bez oceniania, czy to dobre, czy złe; spowolnieniu, jako sposobowi na zadbanie o siebie; magicznemu zdaniu na czerwoną strefę - “Czy jest zagrożenie zdrowia i życia? Czy ktoś umrze, jak przez 3 minuty nic nie zrobię?”; o wędrówkach między różnymi strefami i dyskomforcie, który może temu towarzyszyć; różnym sposobom radzenia sobie, także takim, które wyglądają na nieradzenie sobie; pytaniom, które mogą pomóc w dzieleniu dużych, trudnych dla nas spraw na mniejsze elementy; zapisywaniu i opowiadaniu, które pomagają oglądać, układać i porządkować własne myśli wokół trudności; dostarczaniu sobie bodźców, na które ma się wpływ; różnych sposobach na regulację; Wspominamy o: książce “Say what You mean” J.S.Orena; koncepcji myślenia słabego profesora Bogdana de Barbaro; efekcie Dunninga-Krugera; Kasi Urbaniak i jej metaforze zdrętwiałej nogi; koncepcji drabiny stanów emocjonalnych Deb Dany; książce “Wypalenie” sióstr Nagoski; książce “Nie strach się bać” L.Cohena; książce “the art of receiving and giving” Betty Martin; książce “Sapiens” N.Y. Harari; Pani Swojego Czasu.

We krijgen elke dag overweldigend veel info binnen en het toeval (of misschien ook niet) wilt dat ook de burnouts aan een opmars bezig zijn. Het boek ‘Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle' van de zussen Nagoski zit vol handige tips en grappige anekdotes. En laat dat net onze favoriete combinatie zijn. Daarom delen wij de 6 beste tips om burnout tegen te gaan graag met jou: Bewegen Ademen Praten Lachen Huilen Creatief zijn Wij hopen dat ook jij een waar aha-moment beleeft tijdens het beluisteren van deze kwetsbare, maar oh zo nodige aflevering. Bekijk je liever de geschreven versie op je gemakje? We've got you! Ga naar www.alfavrouwen.com/31 voor alle tips op een rij. Wat sowieso helpt tijdens mindere dagen, is een boost van je zelfvertrouwen. Wil je graag wat tips om te leren zeggen waar het op staat en te weten wat je zelf nodig hebt? Dan ben je sowieso geholpen met onze tips via www.alfavrouwen.com/getconfident. 

Hey friend! Thanks so much for listening and visiting the podcast show notes! :) Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to the podcast... Follow me on Instagram @journey.within1 and Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/journeywithinthrivingnotsurviving/ Stay tuned for information on my mini-course on stress. Follow me on instagram for updates! Did you know that emotions and stress live in your body...physically? That's right, the emotions and stress you feel when you get overwhelmed when you are running late to work and someone blasts their horn at you,...that triggers a neurochemical response in your body that can be toxic to all the other vital systems in your body if it hangs out too long, like your cardiovascular system and your immune system. It also leads to burnout and emotional exhaustion. So how do we get rid of all the stress juice pumping through our body every day so that we can feel better physically and protect our bodies? Don't they just leave on their own? Actually, no they don't. Our bodies stay in chronic activation unless we complete the cycle. This episode will help you figure out how to complete the stress cycle in your hectic schedule. Take Aways: The Ideas in this podcast were taken from the book "Burnout" by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nogoski. Make sure you order this book or download it on Audible. It is amazing! Women try to be everything and do everything that the world demands of us, and the problem isn't that we don't know how to practice self-care, it's that it's not realistic to meet our wellness goals unless we have a nanny, Oprah's phone number, and lots of time and money In Human Giver Syndrome, Philosopher Kate Mann describes the giver as someone who isn't allowed to inconvenience anyone with anything so messy as emotions, so givers are trapped in a situation where they are not free to move through the tunnel. The syndrom insists that self-preservation is selfish. Emotions will end on their own, they are tunnels, and if you go all the way through them, you get to the light at the end. Emotional exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an emotion. Stressors are things that can be thought of as threats and they trigger a stress response, a cascade of neurological and hormonal activities that initiate physiological changes to help you survive - that “fight or flight” response but deprioritize your other vital body systems. We have to do something physical with our body to send the message that we are safe, and that we can downgrade our body's stress response. We have to call off the troops, it's ok to send those stress hormones home, and clear them out of your body. This is called completing the cycle. The best way to complete the cycle is with 20-60 minutes of exercise that gets you breathing deeply Some alternative ways to complete the cycle are: breathing exercises, positive social interactions, laughter, affection from humans or pets, crying, and creative expression - such as music, dancing, painting, etc --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jennbohamgmailcom/support

A hundred years ago, if you asked someone about burnout, they wouldn't know what you were talking about. Fast forward to today and there's a good chance they'd say they've experienced it. Burnout's a term psychologist Herbert Freudenberger popularized in the 1970s. He used it to describe the experience of doctors and nurses exposed to long periods of stress and overwork. Over the past 20 years, use of the term has expanded to include people in other industries and roles. And today, during the pandemic, it's become an everyday reference. But just because we know what burnout is, or what it feels like, doesn't mean we know what to do about it. And the advice we often get to "work less" or "have more fun" seems a little too simple. Too binary. That's where the Nagoski sisters come in. My guest, Amelia, and her sibling, Emily, are co-authors of the book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. It's a book filled with remarkable insights. One of the central ones is this: while we often associate stress with burnout, we're unclear on the relationship between them. Amelia and Emily explain that most stress isn't the problem. Instead, it's the stress cycle that kicks in when we don't work through the emotions that accompany our stress. That's the problem. And it's what leads to burnout. Fortunately, in this interview, Amelia not only walks us through the stress cycle, she also explains what we can do to break it. Equally important, she discusses how to avoid it in the first place. Amelia Nagoski holds a doctorate in musical arts and is an Assistant Professor at Western New England University. Her co-author and sister, Emily Nagoski, holds a doctorate in health behavior and is an award-winning author of the bestselling book, Come as You Are. Episode Links The World: A Brief Introduction by Richard Haas Down Girl by Kate Manne Cognitive Reappraisal and Acceptance: Effects on Emotion, Physiology, and Perceived Cognitive Costs Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality Requiem by Andrew Lloyd Webber The Team Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here. How to Support Us If you'd like to support the show, please rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you subscribe, and tell a friend or family member about the show. Ways to Subscribe Click here and scroll down to see a sample of sites where you can subscribe.

Derik Mills speaks with Dr. Amelia Nagoski, the co-author of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Dr. Nagoski explains how stress not only affects our emotional and physical wellbeing, but can remain trapped in our bodies. She discusses the ways patriarchy jeopardizes everyone's health, but especially women and people of color. She also shares the importance of connectedness, the belief in something larger than ourselves, and the ways that radical care for others could be a way to overcome stress and address burnout.Links:Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress CycleFirst We Make the Beast Beautiful by Sarah Wilson Listen to all episodes of The Glo Podcast at http://glo.com/podcast

Zaczynamy od zmierzenia się z bezradnością w świeżym doświadczeniu - ta Pogadanka nie mogła się odbyć tak, jak ją zaplanowałyśmy i na szybko szukałyśmy innych rozwiązań, by spotkać się online i wtedy kolejne techniczne sprawy stawały na przeszkodzie. Okazało się, że nie tylko my miałyśmy myśl o bezradności, ale także osoby oczekujące na transmisję. W tej Pogadance jest mowa: że bezradność to trudne miejsce; o warstwach bezradności, związanych z zamrożeniem i tym, gdzie wędruje uwaga; że bezradność lubi się ukrywać - często za złością; o czapie na bezradności, czyli - przekonaniach, ocenach i krytycznych myślach wokół bezradności; o mocy pytań “co się tutaj dzieje?”, “jaki jest mój cel?”, “po co ja to robię?”; o przyjęciu bezradności jako jednego ze stanów, doświadczeń, momentów; o strefie wiedzy i rozwoju w bezradności; o mikro działaniach, które pokazują i dają okazję doświadczyć własnego wpływu; o sięganiu po wsparcie przy dużej bezradności; o różnych naszych strategiach na doświadczanie bezradności i wychodzenie z niej; o “wspólnym człowieczeństwie” w doświadczaniu bezradności; że pomocne może być udawanie i wyobrażanie sobie, że coś jest możliwe. W Pogadance padają nazwy, nazwiska, tytuły: “Wypalenie” - książka sióstr Nagoski, w kontekście “the monitor”, “kontrolki”; “Unbound” - książka Kasi Urbaniak https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com/unbound-book; Kristin Neff i jej koncepcja “wspólnego człowieczeństwa” https://self-compassion.org/; Milton Erickson;

Szczęście? Nieszczęście? Kto wie… - słowa z chińskiej opowieści stały się trochę mottem naszej Pogadanki. Temat chyba był dla Was ciekawy, bo ponad 300 osób oglądało nas na żywo. Dzięki! A gadałyśmy o: przekonaniach o zdolności do podejmowania decyzji; decyzjach w związkach; plusach i minusach decyzji i gdzie je lokujemy w zależności od sytuacji; konsultowaniu się z innymi, przegadywaniu spraw, które czasem postrzegamy jako nieumiejętność podjęcia samodzielnej decyzji; rozbieraniu ocen i interpretacji na konkretny opis “co to znaczy”; dziennym limicie podejmowania decyzji; sposobach na dbanie o zasobnik z limitem decyzji; niepewności; planie wykreślenia ze słownika hasła “dobra decyzja”; szukanie potrzeb wspiera decyzję o tym o efekcie utopionych kosztów, ciastkach, które można jeść i mieć; serialach, bo dobrze pokazują, że nie da się obejrzeć wszystkiego; porównywaniu się z innymi i przekonaniach, jak wiele owi “inni” robią; efekcie FOMO (fear of Missing Out); realizowaniu potencjału; różnych rodzajach i poziomach niepewności oraz o zdolności do ich obsługiwania (to słowo w tym kontekście jakoś bardzo się Wam podobało, wnioskując po komentarzach :); wiewórce sióstr Nagoski. Wspominamy: Pułapki myślenia. O myśleniu szybkim i wolnym - Daniel Kahneman, wyd. MediaRodzina; Amelia i Emily Nagoski - podcast https://www.feministsurvivalproject.com/ i książka “Wypalenie”; Artur Król https://blog.krolartur.com/nieco-o-mitach-na-temat-milosci/; Elisabet Gilbert “Jedz, módl się i kochaj”; Ruth Chang https://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices?language=pl; o zeszycie o złości https://o-zlosci.mamato.pl/; kursie Agnieszki i Gosi Stańczyk https://platformarozwojowa.pl/komunikacja/ naszym webinarium o decyzjach https://pogadanki.paniswojegoszczescia.pl/ webinarium 13/13 Sylwii https://webinar.paniswojegoszczescia.pl/ i kursie https://kursnws.pl/. Jeśli temat Was zainteresował, to zapraszamy do wysłuchania Pogadanki #32 o STRACIE I ŻAŁOBIE na Spotify.

In this episode, I get real with sexual desire struggles while providing you with the tools and education needed to own your desire! For example, do you know the difference between desire and arousal? You can be physically aroused but not want to act on that arousal. Understanding your body is powerful & confidence-boosting! You're NOT alone in your desire or lack of! Don't miss out on my tips on sustaining long term sexually satisfying relationships.* You can feel physically aroused without wanting to engage in sex.* Recognizing two types of desire: Spontaneous desire and responsive/reactive desire.* Differences between spontaneous and responsive desire* Simplicity of planning sex* The importance of self-discovery Nagoski, Emily. Come as You Are: the Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2021. Let's Connect!Instagram: @The_Rachel_MaineWebsite: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertiseFacebook: @RachelMaineFacebook Group: Owning Your Sexual Self Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com

W tej Pogadance zaczynamy od napięcia w brzuchu Sylwii, który jest fantastycznym punktem wyjścia do rozmowy o stresie - tym codziennym, który się dzieje, czasem w sposób dla nas niezauważalny. Przyglądamy się: po pierwsze przy samym rozumieniu stresu - pojawi się tu tygrys; ewolucyjnym strategiom na stres; domykaniu reakcji stresowych i temu, jak robią to dzieci, a jak dorośli; temu, o czym mówią siostry Nagoski, że stresor i stres to dwie różne sprawy i radzenie sobie ze stresorem, nie równa się poradzeniu sobie ze stresem; roli myśli i interpretacji w odczuwaniu napięcia i niepokoju; stanowi zamrożenia w reakcji na stres; temu, jak się sobą zaopiekować po reakcji stresowej i że to może być ważniejsze niż skupienie się na swoich reakcjach; temu, że każdy z nas najlepiej wie i poznaje to w ciele, kiedy stres mu odpuszcza i ile potrzebuje, by to się zadziało; mocy regulacyjnej przytulasów; drodze prowadzącej do strefy komfortu; Podkreślamy i przypominamy: jak ważne jest, żeby nie stawać przeciwko własnemu ciału; że stan w którym siedzę i nic nie robię w reakcji na trud to nie strefa komfortu, a właśnie zamrożenia; że ze strefy zamrożenia wychodzi się przez walkę, złość; bez własnej równowagi nie pomogę nikomu się wyregulować; że cichy nie oznacza spokojny; że regulacyjny przytulas powinien trwać nie mniej niż 20 sekund; że wystarczy już 6 sekund całowania, by uzyskać ten sam efekt, choć - podobnie jak Sylwia - możecie przekonywać partnerów/partnerki że potrzeba 6 minut :) Wspominamy, polecamy Książki Burnout (wowczas niedostepna na rynku polskim,a teraz juz tak - "Wypalenie") i "Ona ma siłę" sióstr Nagoski teorię poliwagalną stworzoną przez dr Stephena Porgesa. (zaintersowanych tematem odsyłamy też do naszej Pogadanki poświęconej strefom regulacji Annę Dziewulską (pycholog) i jej metaforę polany w kontekście stref regulacji Podkast jest nagraniem rozmowy z 26 września 2019 roku.

To Pogadanka nagrana w iście tropikalnych temperaturach (ok 35 stopni na termometrach), więc od razu czujemy się jak w egzotycznej podróży. I w tych okolicznościach, pod znaną Wam z wcześniejszych Pogadanek mapą, rozmawiamy: czy wyjazdy to aby na pewno przerwa od nauki, czy raczej czas zdobywania wiedzy; że każdy nas ma inne zapotrzebowanie na różnorodność i stałość; że dla dziecka zmiana łóżka, w którym śpi; jedzenia, które je bywa już bardzo dużą zmianą i nie potrzebuje na miejscu dodatkowych atrakcji; że podróże kształcą wtedy, kiedy wyjeżdżamy, ale także wtedy, gdy ktoś przyjeżdża do nas; że poznawanie świata to także wyprawy w bliskie okolice; roli zapachu w odkrywaniu miejsc, a także innych zmysłach; różnorodnej palecie umiejętności i kompetencji, które rozwijają się w podróży; o różnym podejściu do wychowania, ubierania i rozwoju dzieci w różnych krajach i o tym, jak to może wpłynąć na naszą perspektywę rodzicielstwa; że kontakt z drugim człowiekiem jest wielką okazją do rozwoju; o tym dokąd chodzimy z przyjemnością, gdy trafiamy do innego kraju; o tym, że świat jest duży i różnorodny, a jednocześnie… mały! o konfrontacji z oczekiwaniami i o puszczaniu oczekiwań; o Pokemonach :) filmowych inspiracjach do podróży; o kilku praktycznych wskazówkach dotyczących zwiedzania. Wspominamy, pokazujemy, rekomendujemy: Książkę "Dziecko w brzuchu mamy" A.Herzog, Joelle Toulonias; Książkę "Ona ma siłę" Nagoski; Zabawę w "cache"https://pl.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geocaching WorkAway https://www.workaway.info/ Podcast jest zapisem rozmowy z 13 czerwca 2019 roku.

In this episode, Whitney and Sarah reflect on AcaDames Season 4 and share life updates as we wrap up the decade-long year of 2020. They consider key takeaways from this season’s episodes and discuss everything from evolving (or not-so-evolving) taste in music, new workplace hires, COVID-19 vaccines, and chatty toddlers. We wish our listeners a safe and healthy year’s end and look forward to sharing more with you all in Season 5! Click here to subscribe on iTunes! Related readings and links AcaDames S401: Season 4 Launch: https://www.acadamespodcast.com/episodes/2020/8/20/s401-season-4-launch AcaDames S408: Emily: https://www.acadamespodcast.com/episodes/2020/11/26/s408-emily Emily Nagoski Bio: https://www.emilynagoski.com/the-facts Amelia Nagoski Bio (Emily’s twin and Burnout co-author): https://www.burnoutbook.net/about-the-authors Burnout (Book): https://www.burnoutbook.net/ Sarah’s Tweet on 2020 E-mails: https://twitter.com/birkensarah/status/1329566270761656321 Emily Nagoski and the 20-second hug: https://www.npr.org/2019/05/05/720490364/to-help-women-kick-burnout-sisters-write-book-to-understanding-stress-cycle AcaDames S407: Jennifer: https://www.acadamespodcast.com/episodes/2020/11/12/s407-jennifer Alison Gopnik interview Sarah mentions on kids being cute: https://www.edge.org/conversation/alison_gopnik-a-separate-kind-of-intelligence Moderna COVID-19 vaccine press release from 11/16/2020: https://investors.modernatx.com/news-releases/news-release-details/modernas-covid-19-vaccine-candidate-meets-its-primary-efficacy Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine press release from 11/18/2020: https://www.pfizer.com/news/press-release/press-release-detail/pfizer-and-biontech-conclude-phase-3-study-covid-19-vaccine Michael Barbaro NYT Daily podcast episode on the COVID vaccine: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/30/podcasts/the-daily/covid-vaccine.html Brené Brown interview with the Nagoski twins: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-emily-and-amelia-nagoski-on-burnout-and-how-to-complete-the-stress-cycle/ A full transcript of the episode can be found here. Recorded: November 30, 2020 Twitter: https://twitter.com/AcaDamesPodcast E-mail: acadamespodcast@gmail.com Voicemail #: (919) 666-7301 (Voice memos can also be emailed if you would like!) Creative Director: Mara Buchbinder Music by: Grace Mesa — PremiumBeat.com Production, editing, and admin by Meryem Ok Artwork by Melissa Hudgens at Leafy Greens Designs

Join Erin and Michelle as they explore how exercise and breathing techniques can help us better manage stress. You'll start hearing some similar themes here, as these are also great strategies to help manage pain. The coolest part about breathing techniques is that you can literally do them anytime, anywhere! References: - Anderson, E., Huxel Bliven, K. (2017). “The Use of Breathing Exercises in the Treatment of Chronic, Non-Specific Low Back Pain”. Journal of Sport Rehabilitation. 26(5): 452-458. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27632818/ - “Brené with Emily and Amelia Nagoski on Burnout and How to Complete the Stress Cycle”. Unlocking Us with Brené Brown. Cutler Media LLC. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unlocking-us-with-bren%C3%A9-brown/id1494350511?i=1000494687584 - Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend | TED Talk. June 2013. https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en - Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2020). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. New York: Ballantine Books. - Paccione, C. E., & Jacobsen, H. B. (2019). “Motivational Non-directive Resonance Breathing as a Treatment for Chronic Widespread Pain”. Frontiers in psychology, 10, 1207. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01207 - Sesame Street: Common and Colbie Caillat - "Belly Breathe" with Elmo. Oct 2012. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mZbzDOpylA - A fun way to get some breathing in! And kid friendly :) Disclaimer: This podcast contains general information for community education purposes only, and does not take into account your specific comorbidities that your current healthcare provider may be managing. Please contact your care provider with questions regarding anything particular to you.

Dzisiejszy podcast w większości oparty jest o refleksje i informacje, które wyniosłam z lektury książki sióstr Nagoski "Wypalenie. Jak wyrwać się z błędnego koła stresu." To właśnie tam pierwszy raz przeczytałam o zasadzie 42% czasu w ciągu doby, który powinniśmy przeznaczać na odpoczynek. Strasznie śmieszne, prawda?Pora sobie uświadomić, że każdy z nas zasługuje na odpoczynek i to nie byle jaki! A my znów mamy skłonności do odpoczywania byle jak: zbyt rzadko i zbyt mało czasu poświęcamy sobie, zbyt krótko śpimy. Odpoczywamy tylko tyle, żeby jakoś dawać radę. Wyobraź sobie, że twojemu dziecku ograniczane jest jedzenie na stołówce, bo przecież jakoś da radę. Przedszkolaka wybudzają z drzemki, bo przecież jakoś da radę. Psa trzymają na łańcuchu, bo przecież jakoś da radę. Czy słysząc te historię nie reagujesz emocjonalnie? Nie uważasz, że w tej sytuacji "jakoś dać radę" to za mało? To dlaczego robisz to notorycznie sobie?Przeanalizujemy to w podcaście, zaczynamy?Zapraszam na mój Instagram, gdzie będę mieć do rozdania ebooki "Wypalenie" sióstr Nagoski - https://www.instagram.com/annapaluchpsychodietetyk/

Come as You Are blends wit, science, and psychology to help you discover the beauty of sex. Many people feel lost or let down by their sex lives, but sex educator Emily Nagoski wants you to know that it doesn’t have to be confusing. Instead, she argues that sex in its true form is an art which can help you create a beautiful bond with your partner and learn more about yourself. By transcending social norms and relinquishing your inhibitions, Nagoski asserts that anyone can unlock new levels of pleasure. *** Do you want more free audiobook summaries like this? Download our app for free at QuickRead.com/App and get access to hundreds of free book and audiobook summaries.

With the election on top of all the other 2020 madness, burnout this year feels more real than ever. Using their own experiences as therapists, Moushumi Ghose joins Nicoletta for a very real conversation about feeling burnt out. Some topics: what to look for during burnout, what to do about burnout, and how to avoid it in the first  place.    Moushumi: https://www.losangelessextherapy.com/   Other Resources:  - Book by the Nagoski sisters  https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/592377/burnout-by-emily-nagoski-phd-and-amelia-nagoski-dma/ - Talk with Brene Brown https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-emily-and-amelia-nagoski-on-burnout-and-how-to-complete-the-stress-cycle/   FOLLOW US  Twitter Instagram Facebook Send questions, comments, stories, rants to: SlutsAndScholars@gmail.com Sluts And Scholars is a production of sluts and scholars media.

Let's talks about SEX! Mia Fine is our guest this week. We talk about what sex therapy is, why it's important, how your sexual well-being is deeply connected to your overall well-being, and much much more!  You can find Mia's podcast with Kia @sexuali.tea , and Kia @pucksaplenty. You can work with Mia or the other therapists in her practice, go to  PNWsextherapycollective.com and miafinetherapy.com. Other resources Mia mentioned: For therapist education and training: AASECT ; Books: Come As You Are and Burnout by Nagoski;  omgyes.com to explore your sexuality and learn more. Sex education for teens at Scarleteen.  Erotic writing at literotica.com and erotic audio at dipsea. Check out also the Seattle Erotic Art Festival. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/tonitalkstherapy/support

Now seems to be a really, really good time to talk about how to deal with all the things we’re feeling. Grab your notebook and open your heart, and let’s dive in together! In this solo episode, I teach: •The 3 components of BURNOUT and how to end the cycle•What emotions really are… this will […]

Podcast InfoA new podcast episode drops every Monday.  Music credit: L-Ray Music, Courtesy of Shutterstock, Inc.Learn more about your host, Cordelia, by clicking hereBe sure to follow Cordelia on Instagram: @codependentrecoveryWant to help me make this podcast better?  Take an anonymous survey here.---------Workbook + Community + Free ResourcesAre you going through a breakup or divorce?  Here is the link to the 98-page workbook.  Print version + ebook version available worldwide.Want to join the community (i.e., community club or book club)? Click hereWant access to free resources? Click here--------CITATIONS FOR TODAY'S EPISODEHow To Overcome Sexual Shame (And Finally Love Sex) -. (2018, November 11). Retrieved September 21, 2020, from https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/how-to-overcome-sexual-shame-and-finally-love-sex/Nagoski, E. (2015). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life. New York: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.Easton, D., & Hardy, J. (2017). The ethical slut: A practical guide to polyamory, open relationships, and other adventures. Retrieved September 21, 2020, from https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379Spector, D. (2013, October 15). 11 Groundbreaking Findings That Changed How We Think About Sex. Retrieved September 21, 2020, from https://www.businessinsider.com/11-findings-that-revolutionized-our-understanding-of-sex-2013-10Locke, S. (2014, July 01). Sex researchers manage to study the most intimate of human experiences. Here's how. Retrieved September 21, 2020, from https://www.vox.com/2014/7/1/5858034/sex-researchers-manage-to-study-the-most-intimate-of-human---------RESOURCES/EXERCISES FOR YOU TO DO ON YOUR OWNhttps://msha.ke/codependentrecovery/   - Again, Cordelia's website has  "self-healing" resources on the website with free worksheets/etc.Recommended BooksThe Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti:  https://www.amazon.com/Purity-Myth-Americas-Obsession-Virginity/dp/1580053149Unspeakable Things: Sex, Lies, and Revolution by Laurie Penny:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KRDKH2G/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_GUqxFbSK749A9Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive by Kristen J. Sollee -https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996485279/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_wWqxFbMD6Q98FCome as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476762090/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_hYqxFbJV59KF5The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399579664/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_OYqxFbPNZMTY4WorksheetsSex & Gender Messages: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/567a2d961115e097de2ef3df/t/568cbb0704acd3ba59b8295f/1347346680733/Worksheet4_AmINormal.pdfIt helps unpack where you learned about various concepts around sex and gender as a child.Help to Talk about Sex with Partner (and to Figure Out What You Like) - https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/sexapalooza-handout-branded.pdfThis could be used to help you navigate conversations with your partner or figure out what you like.  It covers things like... what you want to do, what you like sexually if you like toys and lubes, what turns you on, boundaries (on what/shouldn’t be said or done).Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist - https://www.scarleteen.com/sites/files/scarleteen/yesnomaybe.pdfYou can either use this as a mental self-evaluation tool or talking with a partner as you go through it together.  Lists like this do not finish lines but starting points: evaluating your own sexuality and/or for deeper conversations with someone else.

Wypalenie jest problemem, który dotyka coraz więcej ludzi na całym świecie. Nie uciekniemy przed nim! Gościem dzisiejszego odcinka Czarnej Owczy wśród podcastów jest Natalia Sarata z fundacji RegenerAkcja, z którą rozmawiamy o książce "Wypalenie. Jak wyrwać się z błędnego koła stresu" Dr Emily Nagoski i Amelii Nagoski. Książka, której premiera już 30 września skierowana jest do kobiet. To one najczęściej stają się ofiarą społeczeństwa i środowiska pracy, które wymaga od nich dwa razy więcej, żądając jednocześnie by były zawsze piękne i uśmiechnięta. Czym dokładnie jest wypalenie i jak sobie z nim poradzić? Gdzie szukać pomocy i jak reagować w sytuacjach stresowych? Zapraszamy do słuchania.

In this episode, Judy and Alana discuss what's "normal" in the realm of sex, sexuality, bodies, and bodily functions. Let's be real though, there's no such thing as normal, especially when it comes to sex and sexuality.Citations for this Episode:Nagoski, D. A., & Nagoski, P. E. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: Author.

Welcome Dr. Emily Nagoski, PhD, fellow podcaster and award-winning author of the New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life.    Dr.Nagoski's mission is to help us live with confidence and joy in our bodies! Together, Emily, George and Laurie want to help people have a healthy view of sex and challenge people's assumptions about what they believe and where they get stuck. We all see EFT as a way to help couples deal with the difficult feelings around sex where we often are anxious about hurting our partner's feelings or fearful of being found sexually inadequate.   To help us understand desire, Emily tells us about where to find our brakes (all the good reasons not to be turned on... potential threats) and accelerators (everything we think, believe, imagine & touch, taste, smell, hear that has sexual connotations.)  Fun topics in this podcast: look at your genitals! (if you want to make friends.) She and George talk about the complicated relationship men have with their penises. Nagoski uses a hedgehog visualization to gracefully accept our feelings around sex. Ever wonder why your body may be turned on but you really don’t want sex? Emily shares the concept of non-concordant sex – when our body’s arousal and subjective sexual feelings don’t align. Please help support our podcast and get a 10% discount on Uberlube's fabulous lubrication - Uberlube.com/Foreplay Find Emily!!!: book - Come As You Are workbook -The Come as You Are Workbook new book!! - Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle podcast - the feminist survival podcast 2020

S1E5 Ian Nagoski: Resurrecting Ghosts, Part 2 Ian Nagoski is a researcher and record producer from the Baltimore, MD area who specializes in music of the early 20th century in languages other than English. In the finale of a two part episode, Nagoski describes the detective work involved in piecing together a narrative for each recording he comes across. Artist/recording highlights including Edward Bogosian ("Soode Soode") , the curious case of Dr J.K. Sutherland, and the majestic beauty of the recording "Groung" by Zabelle Panossian. This two part episode focuses on the beginning of the recorded music industry in the United States, with particular attention toward ethnic Armenians recording music in the early 20th century in the languages of Armenian and Turkish. Music Featured Komitas Vartabed- "Hov Arek" (Orfeon, 1912) Zabelle Panossian- "Groung" (Columbia, 1917) All music presented in this podcast is shared with the permission of Canary Records. Please go to https://canary-records.bandcamp.com/music for more information on these and other reissue recordings produced by Ian Nagoski. Ian Nagoski Biography: Ian Nagoski is a music researcher and record producer in Baltimore, Maryland. For more than a decade, he has produced dozens of reissues of early 20th century recordings in languages other than English for labels including Dust-to-Digital, Tompkins Square, his own Canary Records, and others. His enthusiastic talks have been hosted at the Library of Congress in Washington D.C., the Onassis Cultural Center in Athens Greece, the University of Chicago, University of California Los Angeles and Santa Barbara and New York University, and he has presented his work in installation at the Museum fur Naturkunde in Berlin Germany, the Wellcome Center in London England, and the Peale Center in Baltimore Maryland. A fragment of his work is included on the MoonkArk, the first object to be permanently installed on the moon, in 2020.

S1E4 Ian Nagoski: Resurrecting Ghosts, Part 1 Ian Nagoski is a researcher and record producer from the Baltimore, MD area who specializes in music of the early 20th century in languages other than English. In the first of a two part episode, Nagoski takes us from the beginnings of the recording industry in America (late 1800's) into the 78rpm record era (early 1900's) focusing on the recordings of Armenian immigrants from the Ottoman Empire sung in both Turkish and Armenian. Ian's ability to bring recordings to life by giving us detailed backstories on the artist, the song, and the era with which they were recorded provides the listener with a captivating look at recordings otherwise neglected for decades. In this episode, Nagoski describes "Eghin Havasi (Melody of Eghin) by the mysterious Kemany Minas in what is perhaps a reference to the 1894-1896 Hamidian Massacres. A brief overview of Udi Hrant Kenkulian, the blind oud master from Istanbul is also discussed. His version of "Agin", sung in Armenian (which was rare), is also also featured. Music Featured Udi Hrant Kenkulian (oud/voice)- "Anush Yarin" (Smyrnaphone OH-3, 1950's) Kemany Minas (voice)- "Eghin Havasi" (Columbia, 1917) Udi Hrant Kenkulian (oud/voice)- "Agin" (Smyrnaphon OH-4, 1950's) All music presented in this podcast is shared with the permission of Canary Records. Please go to https://canary-records.bandcamp.com/music for more information on these and other reissue recordings produced by Ian Nagoski. Ian Nagoski Biography: Ian Nagoski is a music researcher and record producer in Baltimore, Maryland. For more than a decade, he has produced dozens of reissues of early 20th century recordings in languages other than English for labels including Dust-to-Digital, Tompkins Square, his own Canary Records, and others. His enthusiastic talks have been hosted at the Library of Congress in Washington D.C., the Onassis Cultural Center in Athens Greece, the University of Chicago, University of California Los Angeles and Santa Barbara and New York University, and he has presented his work in installation at the Museum fur Naturkunde in Berlin Germany, the Wellcome Center in London England, and the Peale Center in Baltimore Maryland. A fragment of his work is included on the MoonkArk, the first object to be permanently installed on the moon, in 2020.

Come as You Are blends wit, science, and psychology to help you discover the beauty of sex. Many people feel lost or let down by their sex lives, but sex educator Emily Nagoski wants you to know that it doesn’t have to be confusing. Instead, she argues that sex in its true form is an art which can help you create a beautiful bond with your partner and learn more about yourself. By transcending social norms and relinquishing your inhibitions, Nagoski asserts that anyone can unlock new levels of pleasure. *** Do you want more free audiobook summaries like this? Download our app for free at QuickRead.com/App and get access to hundreds of free book and audiobook summaries.

Join me (Rachel Ingels Bergman) as I discuss life outside of NP school, starting a new job, and dealing with stress. Email us at upfrontnp@gmail.com if you or someone you know would like to be on the show! Music and editing by Daniel Bergman. Referenced: Nagoski, E. & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. New York, NY: Ballantine Books.

In her New York Times bestselling book, Come As You Are, Dr. Emily Nagoski, says that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. This means that things like stress, mood, trust, connection, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Join me in this episode of Natural MD Radio as I talk with Dr. Nagoski about what we can do to cultivate sexual wellbeing in our lives and for the next generation. And catch the transcript and show notes at avivaromm.com/112

In today’s episode, I’m sharing my biggest takeaway from Emily’s Nagoski’s book, Burnout: The Secret to Solving the Stress Cycle: how to rid your body and mind of harmful stress hormones. Related links: Read today’s corresponding blog post Get Emily Nagoski’s Burnout: The Secret to Solving the Stress Cycle Join me at Bossed Up Bootcamp  Join Bossed Up’s Courage Community on Facebook Got a career conundrum you want me to cover on the podcast? Call and leave me a voicemail NOW at 910-668-BOSS(2677).

“Wellness is not a state of mind,” Emily Nagoski says. “It is not coming to a place of loving yourself. Wellness is a state of action. It is the freedom to move through the natural cycles of the stress response.” Nagoski—author of Come As You Are—began her work as a sex educator and went on to earn an MS in counseling and a PhD in health behavior. Her new book, Burnout, explains why women experience burnout differently than men—and how we can all avoid it. This is one of those rare conversations about stress that didn’t make us…stressed. It did make us laugh. (For more, see The goop Podcast hub.)

We are SO excited about this episode. Emily Nagoski AKA one of our idols and author of the groundbreaking book Come As You Are joins us to talk all about female sexuality. We talk vulvas, clits, g-spots, orgasm, and all about how WE ARE ALL "normal”!  We also answer a sex question from a female-identified listener: Are the homosexual thoughts just in my head or should I leave my heterosexual relationship? About Emily: Emily Nagoski, Ph.D is the award-winning  author of the New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life and The Come As You Are Workbook, and co-author, with her sister Amelia, of Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle. She began her work as a sex educator at the University of Delaware, where volunteered as a peer sex educator while studying psychology with minors in cognitive science and philosophy. She went on to earn a M.S. in Counseling and a Ph.D. in Health Behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.

In this week’s podcast, I’m thrilled to be talking with one of my sex ed superhero’s Emily Nagoski.   Listen in as we dive into the keys to understanding the complex nature of women’s desire and pleasure.   We jam on responsive desire and how that affects us as women, the contexts that make great sex, why sex isn’t a “drive”and what that means for our sex lives, how stress and burnout affects sex and what do to about it, how to sustain strong sexual relationships over the long haul, understanding our brains “brakes” vs. “accelerators” and how to reduce the “brakes” so you can enjoy sex more fully, body image and overcoming “bikini industrial complex”, tips on communicating your needs during sex, and much more. I mean, there’s literally a gold mine of goodness and belly laughs in this episode, don’t miss it! Emily is the award-winning  author of the New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life. She began her work as a sex educator at the University of Delaware, where volunteered as a peer sex educator while she studied psychology with minors in cognitive science and philosophy. She went on to earn a M.S. in Counseling and a Ph.D. in Health Behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. After eight years working at Smith College, Emily is now working on her second book, about women's overall wellbeing. It's called Burnout. You can find out more about emily and her work here: https://www.emilynagoski.com. You can Preorder her new book BURNOUT here:https://www.amazon.com/Burnout-Secret-Unlocking-Stress-Cycle/dp/198481706X.  

Sexuality can be a complicated business, very different from how easy it is on television. Interview with Emily Nagoski the author of Come As You Are. Find out what to do about low desire. Most problems with orgasm occur because frustration does not add fuel to the accelerator. In fact, Frustration hits the brakes in sex. Learn here how to improve your context to improve desire.

Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life. She began her work as a sex educator at the University of Delaware, where volunteered as a peer sex educator while she studied psychology with minors in cognitive science and philosophy. She went on to earn an M.S. in Counseling and a Ph.D. in Health Behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. After eight years working at Smith College, Emily is now working on her second book, about women's overall well-being. It's called Burnout. Emily and I dive deep into her work on this episode talking about the dual-control model, what it is and what it means for your sex drive. We chat about what is arousal and why it can be different for all of us. Emily defines and dives into nonconcordance, and why your body and your brain are not always in alignment. Of course, no talk with a sex researcher is complete without talking about the big "O" orgasm. She talks about why desire not pleasure is the measure. We finish out the podcast talking about her latest book she is working on called Burnout. Find the Worksheets Mentioned in the Podcast Here     Find Emily Website: www.emilynagoski.com Instagram: enagoski Twitter: emilynagoski   Show Supported by:  Four Sigmatic - http://www.foursigmatic.com Use code: DIYS to save 10% on your order For All the Companies We Love and Work with Visit: - http://dirtinyourskirt.com/sponsors/   Full Shownotes:  http://www.dirtinyourskirt.com Join the Facebook Group:  http://www.dirtinyourskirt.com/tribe Become a Patreon Patron and Support Independent Media: http://www.patreon.com/dirtinyourskirt    

Sex educator Emily Nagoski breaks down one of the most dangerous myths about sex and introduces us to the science behind arousal nonconcordance: when there's a disconnect between physical response and the experience of pleasure and desire. Talking about such intimate, private moments can feel awkward or difficult, yet in this straightforward talk Nagoski urges all of us to share this crucial information with someone -- judges, lawyers, partners, kids. "With every brave conversation we have, we make the world that little bit better," says Nagoski. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sex educator Emily Nagoski breaks down one of the most dangerous myths about sex and introduces us to the science behind arousal nonconcordance: when there's a disconnect between physical response and the experience of pleasure and desire. Talking about such intimate, private moments can feel awkward or difficult, yet in this straightforward talk Nagoski urges all of us to share this crucial information with someone -- judges, lawyers, partners, kids. "With every brave conversation we have, we make the world that little bit better," says Nagoski. (This talk contains mature content.)

A educadora sexual Emily Nagoski derruba um dos mitos mais perigosos sobre sexo e nos apresenta a ciência por trás da não concordância da excitação: quando há uma desconexão entre a resposta física e a experiência do prazer e do desejo. Falar de tais momentos íntimos e privados pode parecer constrangedor ou difícil, mas nesta palestra direta, Nagoski pede a todos nós que compartilhemos essa informação crucial com alguém - juízes, advogados, parceiros, crianças. "A cada conversa corajosa que temos, tornamos o mundo um pouco melhor", diz Nagoski. (Esta palestra contém conteúdo adulto.)

La educadora sexual Emily Nagoski analiza uno de los mitos más peligrosos sobre el sexo y nos presenta la ciencia detrás de la no concordancia en la excitación sexual, esto es, cuando hay una desconexión entre la respuesta física y la experiencia del placer y el deseo. Hablar de momentos íntimos y privados puede resultar incómodo o difícil, pero en esta conversación directa Nagoski nos insta a todos a compartir esta información crucial con todos: jueces, abogados, socios, niños. "Con cada conversación valiente que tenemos, hacemos que el mundo sea un poquito mejor", dice Nagoski. (Esta charla contiene contenido para adultos)

Die Sexualpädagogin Emily Nagoski entlarvt einen der gefährlichsten Mythen über Sex und gibt uns Einblicke in die Wissenschaft von Diskonkordanz bei sexueller Erregung: Wenn es keinen Zusammenhang zwischen physischer Reaktion und dem Erleben von Genuss und Lust gibt. Über so intime, private Momente zu sprechen kann peinlich und schwierig sein, trotzdem drängt uns Nagoski in ihrem offenen Vortrag dazu, diese wichtigen Informationen mit anderen zu teilen -- Richtern, Anwälten, Partnern, Kindern. "Mit jedem mutigen Gespräch, dass wir führen, machen wir die Welt ein bisschen besser," sagt Nagoski. (Dieser Vortrag enthält Erwachseneninhalte)

In this episode of Simplify, sex educator Emily Nagoski tells Caitlin about ways to improve sexual well-being and sustain a strong sexual connections. As a sex educator, Emily Nagoski sees her main purpose as “teaching people to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.” Step one? Understanding what’s actually going on in there! In this episode, Nagoski employs colorful analogies to illustrate the ways in which our minds and bodies react to stressful situations (spoiler alert: you'll have to use your imagination and become a gazelle) and to describe our physical responses to sexually relevant information (enter: car metaphor). If you’ve been anxious about sex, are struggling to connect to a long-term partner, or just want to understand yourself better, this episode offers lots of calm, informed, empathetic advice on how you can find your way. Stick around after the interview for when Ben Schuman-Stoler joins Caitlin Schiller to talk about the big ideas in this episode and help make a sexy book list for your nightstand. For more info, including links to everything we discussed in the episode and a voucher to use Blinkist for free, go to https://www.blinkist.com/magazine/posts/simplify-sex-emily-nagoski-pleasure-measure-great-sex-life Let us know what you thought of the episode, or just give us some book recommendations on Twitter—we’d love to hear from you! Find Caitlin at @caitlinschiller and Ben at @bsto. That excellent music you heard is by Nico Guiang. You can find more of it on Soundcloud (https://soundcloud.com/niceaux) and Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/niceaux).

As a sex educator, Emily Nagoski sees her main purpose as “teaching people to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.” Step one? Understanding what’s actually going on in there! In this episode, Nagoski employs colorful analogies to illustrate the ways in which our minds and bodies react to stressful situations (spoiler alert: you'll have to use your imagination and become a gazelle) and to describe our physical responses to sexually relevant information (enter: car metaphor). If you’ve been anxious about sex, are struggling to connect to a long-term partner, or just want to understand yourself better, this episode offers lots of calm, informed, empathetic advice on how you can find your way. Stick around after the interview for when Ben Schuman-Stoler joins Caitlin Schiller to talk about the big ideas in this episode and help make a sexy book list for your nightstand. For more info, including links to everything we discussed in the episode and a voucher to use Blinkist for free, go to https://www.blinkist.com/magazine/posts/simplify-sex-emily-nagoski-pleasure-measure-great-sex-life Let us know what you thought of the episode, or just give us some book recommendations on Twitter—we’d love to hear from you! Find Caitlin at @caitlinschiller and Ben at @bsto. That excellent music you heard is by Nico Guiang. You can find more of it on Soundcloud (https://soundcloud.com/niceaux) and Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/niceaux).

How do you separate fact from fiction when it comes to creating and sustaining sexual desire? In this episode of Relationship Alive, our special guest is Emily Nagoski, author of the New York Times bestseller "Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life." Her work has been cited by both John Gottman and Esther Perel as a must-read for understanding how desire works, and how to nurture a sexual connection over the long term with your partner. Emily Nagoski and I dispel some modern-day myths about sexuality, and then we reveal some of the new science to help you create more pleasure in your life. And, as Emily says, "Pleasure is the Measure!" Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. What if everything that you've been told about sex and desire was wrong? Or maybe not quite wrong, just missing really important bits of information that would help you understand the big picture. As it turns out, there's a lot that we've come to know through science about what turns us on and what turns us off. But this information is relatively new and hasn't quite made it out to the mainstream or the cover of Cosmo, at least not yet. How do you know if what you're experiencing is normal? And what can you do to discover more about who you are as a sexual being and to find more connection and sex in your relationship, without creating pressure on yourself or on your partner? Today's guest has many of the answers to these questions. Neil Sattin: Her name is Doctor Emily Nagoski and she's the author of the New York Times bestseller "Come as You Are", which John Gottman says is the best book he's ever read on sexual desire and why some couples stop having sex. Esther Perel also refers to Emily's work. So, if John Gottman and Esther Perel, who, at the moment, come from different camps on the question of sexual desire, if they can agree on Emily Nagoski's work, then you know that she's done something truly magnificent. There's gonna be a lot to cover and, as usual, we will have a detailed transcript and action guide for this episode available to you at neilsattin.com/normal. Or you can text the word Passion to the number 33444 and follow the instructions to get your copy. Emily Nagoski, thank you so much for joining us today on Relationship Alive. Emily Nagoski: I'm so excited to talk to you. Neil Sattin: So let's start at the very beginning. Emily Nagoski: Very good place to start. Neil Sattin: Exactly. Where did this book come from for you? It's about desire and it's about understanding what makes us tick. And in particular, it's written for women and about women's sexuality, though there's so much relearning for men to do as well. And I'm wondering if you can just create our garden here for us for this conversation. Where did this book come from and why was it so important for you to write it? Emily Nagoski: Sure. I'd been teaching sexuality in some form and some context, for at least 15 years when I started teaching a class called Women's Sexuality at Smith College. Smith is a women's college so I had a class of almost entirely women, 187 of them. And Smith students are not ordinary human beings. Smith alums include Gloria Steinem, and Betty Friedan, and Catharine MacKinnon, and my favorite, Julia Child. And so the very first day, I'm teaching the anatomy class, of course, I just start with the anatomy. And a student raises her hand and says, "Emily, what's the evolutionary origin of the hymen?" And 15 years I'd been a sex educator, I had never even wondered the answer to that question. So I knew it was gonna be an intense, interesting semester. And it really was. They pushed me really hard. I shoehorned in as much science as I could into this beginner level class. After a semester of really hard work, my last question on the final exam was just tell me one important thing you learned. It can be... Just take the question seriously, you can have your two points no matter what you say. Just tell me one important thing you learned after all this cutting edge science. Emily Nagoski: And I thought they were gonna say the evolutionary theory, or attachment theory, or arousal non-concordance, or responsive desire, or any of these other things. And more than half of them, of 187 extraordinary students, more than half of them just wrote something like, "I'm normal. I learned that I'm normal. Just because I'm different from other women doesn't mean I'm broken. I can accept my sexuality as it is, and my partner's even when it's different from mine." I'm grading final exams with tears in my eyes thinking, I don't know what happened in my class, but I think it must have been something extraordinary and I wanna do it again, and I wanna do it on a much bigger scale. And that's the day that I decided to write "Come as You Are." And five years after that is when "Come as You Are" actually got published. Neil Sattin: And I love these... There's so many quotes from your book, and one thing that I really enjoyed about reading "Come as You Are" is that literally every chapter revealed something new. So while it all builds on itself, at the same time, I felt like I was walking through a labyrinth and around every corner I found some amazing gem, which is just so exciting when you're reading a book. But this quote toward the end really was powerful for me. And all it is, is this, "The sexuality you have right now is it and it's beautiful, even especially, if it's not what you were taught it should be." Emily Nagoski: Yeah. Neil Sattin: And that really hit me hard because I think so often we do get lost in thinking it's supposed to be some other way. And when we learn to tune in to what is actually happening in our bodies and accept that, and then use that as the springboard for what happens next, there's so much power in that moment. Emily Nagoski: And in one way it's really obvious that the fastest, easiest way to shut down your sexual well-being is to judge and shame your own sexuality as it - is like is that gonna be a turn on in your brain? For you to hate what's happening in your sexuality, obviously not. But if you can release the judgement and shame and be like "Oh, look, here's my sexuality. Being what it is, doing what it does, I know that I've been given a sort of like phantom sexual self of what I'm told I should be, what I'm supposed to do, what it's supposed to be like, and I know I'm supposed to beat the shit out of myself until I meet that standard, but what if? What if just hypothetically I stopped beating the shit out of myself and just enjoyed my sexuality as it is?" It turns out our ability to stop demanding that our bodies be different and allowing them to be as they are, is maybe the single most powerful thing we can do to maximize our sexual well-being. Is it easy? Nope. But it's almost magical in it's power. Neil Sattin: And this might be a good time to start with talking about the dual control system. This is something that probably most people don't know about in terms of how they think about their own sexual operating system. Can you speak a little bit to what is the dual control's mechanism and how does that affect whether we're into sex or not into sex, or feeling desirous and aroused or not feeling desirous and aroused? Emily Nagoski: Yes, absolutely. This is the fundamental hardware between our ears in the way our sexuality functions. It's a model developed at the Kinsey Institute starting in the late '90s, early 2000s, by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft, and it basically posits that sexuality works the way every other system in our central nervous system works. Which is a dual control mechanism. If there's a dual control mechanism, how many parts are there? Neil Sattin: Two. Emily Nagoski: There's two parts. Exactly, right? The first one is the sexual accelerator. And if the first part's is the accelerator or the gas pedal, the second part must be? Neil Sattin: The brakes. Emily Nagoski: Brake. Exactly. The accelerator is the part most of us are already sort of familiar with... It notices everything in the environment that it codes as sexually relevant. This is all the things that you're seeing and smelling and tasting and hearing and, crucially, imagining, that your brain codes as a sexually relevant stimulus, and it sends that turn on signal that activates arousal and desire. But at the same time that that's functioning, there is also a brake that is noticing all the good reasons not to be turned on right now, everything you see and hear, smell, touch, taste, or, crucially, imagine, that your brain codes as a potential threat, a reason not to be sexually active right now. And it sends the turn off signal. So your level of arousal or desire at any given moment is this balance of how many ons are turned on and how many offs are turned off. Sexual well-being is maximized, that is to say, sexual pleasure in the moment is maximized, when you're turning on all the ons and all of the brakes are turned off. And when I was talking about self-criticism and contempt for your own sexuality being a turn off, obviously, if you're judging your own sexuality, is that hitting the accelerator? Almost certainly not. That's one of the very common things that hits the brakes. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And I think what is confusing is that it's common for us to idealize one and to completely ignore the other. Or, one thing that was really enlightening in reading about these, is that we come with our own set level for these things. So some of us could have an accelerator that's really sensitive and easy to turn on, whereas others may not. And that doesn't necessarily represent a problem that needs to be fixed. And same with the brakes. Maybe you could talk a little bit more about that and why that... Why that's so. Emily Nagoski: Yeah, there, there are individual differences in the sensitivities of the brakes and the accelerator in each person's brain. As far as we can tell from the science so far, they seem to be pretty set. They're not as set as IQ, but we don't know of any specific interventions to change their sensitivity. Let's just assume they're like personality traits like introversion and extroversion, they are what they are. Most of us are heaped up around the middle. We're just sort of all about the same, but a handful of people, for example, will have really sensitive accelerators, and a person with a sensitive accelerator, vroom, right? That's a person who is easily activated, which can be great under the right circumstances and can be pretty dangerous under the wrong circumstances. If a person is experiencing a lot of negative effects, stress, depression, anxiety, loneliness, helplessness, repressed rage we've all got it, and they don't have good mechanisms in place for coping with that negative emotion - they may begin to use sex as an outlet, a way to avoid experiencing those negative emotions. Emily Nagoski: And that's where sexual risk taking and sexual compulsivity can come into play, in those folks who have higher sensitivity accelerators. And on the other end of the spectrum, there's the folks, for example, who might have really sensitive brakes, where the least stray thought, stray fingernail, stray noise in the hallway can just shut everything right down. And those are the folks who struggle most with sexual dysfunction, desire disorders, desire differential in their relationship. For most of us though, it's not that our brakes are overly sensitive. It's that we have just a truck load of stuff hitting our brakes all the time and it's much more common. The usual party line about sexual issues is that, well, you should try adding more stuff to the gas pedal. Try role play, and lingerie, and toys, and porn, and fantasy, and all the things, and those are great and you should try them if you like them. Great. And most people when they're struggling with sexuality, it's not because there's too little stimulation to the accelerator, it's because there's too much stimulation to the brake, which is gonna be - some of it - is that self criticism and body shaming. Emily Nagoski: For some people, it's a trauma history. For some people, it's straight up stress. 80 to 90% of people find that stress and other mood and anxiety issues negatively impact their sexual desire. For some people, it can actually increase it, but that's a different story. And relationship issues, of course are the major factor in things that hit the brakes. Neil Sattin: What's a good way for someone listening right now to get a sense for themselves of what we're talking about and how it impacts them? Like how do I identify what my brakes are and what my accelerator items are? Emily Nagoski: Yeah, most people have a good sense - if they just sit down and think about it... I'm interested in sex when these things are happening and I am not at all interested and don't experience pleasure under these circumstances. You can start in a general way with just lists, like what are the things that stress me out that prevent me from being interested in sex? What are the relationship issues that get me stuck so that when I get in bed with my partner, I'm not just getting in bed with my partner, I'm getting in bed with this laundry list of crap, that's just like gunking up the pipes, and you gonna clean out the pipes before you're gonna be interested in sex. Another concrete specific way rather than just generically...if you could think about one really awesome sexual experience you've had, doesn't have to be the best one you ever had, just like a really great sexual experience. Consider what the context was that might have been hitting the accelerator and keeping the brakes off. So what was your own mental and physical state? What were your partner's characteristics? What were your relationship characteristics? What was the setting? Was it in person? Was it in public? Was it over skype? Was it texting and photos? Emily Nagoski: Was it in the closet at a stranger's house, at a party, against a wall of other people's coats? Or was it in your own bed with the door shut and the kids over at somebody else's house? What was the setting that worked? Other life circumstances is a really important factor. How stressed out and exhausted were you from work and impending nuclear holocaust? What was your overall stress level? And then my favorite relevant factor is that called ludic factors. Ludic related to the word ludicrous. It just means play, how curious and playful and fun could you be? What games were you playing with your partner that were really working for you? There's actually, if you go to my website, there's worksheets, the worksheets are in the book and you can also just download them for free, that walk you through these contexts. I recommend that you think through three great experiences and three not so great experiences, not three terrible sexual experiences just three like, "meh" kind of experiences and look for what wasn't working for you. And when you actually... It takes some time. But when you sit down and take the time to think through what contexts were really working for me. I don't know why that made that sound. Could you hear that? Neil Sattin: No, what did you hear? Emily Nagoski: Oh, sorry, my sister is texting me and the alert came on. Neil Sattin: Okay. Emily Nagoski: Sorry. Neil Sattin: That's okay. Emily Nagoski: It distracted me. Let me go back. It takes a little time to sit and actually think through six different sexual experiences, but people really do have surprising insights. People who really feel like they know a lot about their own sexual functioning, when they sit down and think in this concrete, specific way, will notice things they never heard before. A friend of mine went through it and what she realized... She's in a long distance relationship, and when she actually did get together with her partner, what she noticed was that the expectation that, "Now that we're finally together, we should be having sex." That expectation, that sense of obligation, was absolutely the key to her shutting down her sexuality. And she only figured that out by thinking critically through the factors that were hitting the accelerators and hitting the brakes. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And that's huge, you talk about that particular one like how you feel about whether you are or not having sex, or how you feel about whether or not you should want to have sex in this moment as being another really important factor in whether your accelerator's on and your brakes are out of the way, or your sexual car's coming to a screeching halt. [chuckle] Neil Sattin: I'm curious to know from, yeah, from your perspective. One thing you just mentioned was the people who do have a really light touch accelerator and the danger for those people that sex could become a compulsion if it's that's easy for them to get turned on and to potentially use it as a way to mitigate and cope with the stress and things that are going on in their lives, and in my experience with my clients, and people I talk to, and in my own experience as well, sometimes that those people tend to find themselves in relationships with people who do not have as light touch of an accelerator, and in fact often have quite the opposite. I'm wondering what do you do, and I think part of this is maybe in what you were just talking about with that, the way that you think about whether you should or shouldn't be having sex, but what do you do to give someone hope who is in a situation - and you describe in your book one of the amalgamated characters, someone named Olivia, a woman who it's really easy for her to get into the mood to have sex and she's with a partner named Patrick for whom it's not so easy. And how do you give a couple in that situation Some hope around shifting that dynamic in a way that, that feels positive for both people? Emily Nagoski: This actually touches on what has turned out to be one of the most important ideas in the book, which is the nature of desire itself, how desire is supposed to function in our bodies and our relationships. In the case of Olivia, who is the composite character with a sensitive accelerator, she represents about 15% of women who have pretty sensitive accelerators, it means that she also happens to be a person who, when she is stressed out, her interest in sex actually goes up, which is true for, again, about 10-20% of people. And there's not a gender differential on that one. And she's with a partner, as so many of these folks are, for whom the opposite is true. So if they're both stressed out at the same time, Patrick's interest in sex hits the floor and Olivia's hits the ceiling. And that's not in and of itself a problem, but if they start having opinions about which one of them is doing it wrong, that's when things can get really tricky. Because it's... If you don't have a judgement about who's right and who's wrong and you're just like, "Well, our brains are wired differently. That's how it is," And you can rationally negotiate a compromise, great. Emily Nagoski: But if you start feeling bitter and resentful towards your partner for either being too demanding or too withholding, and you're judging and shaming yourself for wanting too much and being too much, or you're judging and shaming yourself for not wanting enough and not being enough, that's when things get really sticky, which is why the "You are Normal." Mantra comes back over and over the book, You are normal, nobody's doing it wrong. Both people are right and healthy and fine. The emotional weight that we attach to different experiences of sexual desire is just a social construct that we're laying on top of it. You get to feel again, totally normal about the way you're experiencing desire. And the practical solution is just to negotiate. What are we gonna do about the fact that I would like to have the sexy sexes and you are not interested in having the sexy sexes right now? How about we compromise in some way that works for both of us, where you stay with me and put your hand over my heart while I masturbate to orgasm? That way you don't have to do anything you're not into and I get to have the connection and the sexual release. Emily Nagoski: How's that sound? If we can let go of our judgments of what sex is supposed to be and what desire is supposed to be, that's a perfectly reasonable compromise. That's a really helpful compromise. It's only not helpful compromise if you're like, "But it doesn't conform with my expectations about the aspirational culturally constructed ideal of what my sex life is supposed to be." Neil Sattin: Right, right. And so this is great because I'm wondering if you can suggest a good way to notice that in oneself. How do I know whether what I want is culturally constructed, or what I actually want, and what would be really important to have on some level? Emily Nagoski: Dude, I don't know. [laughter] Emily Nagoski: That's the million dollar question, right? I would say that the distinction we're thinking about here is not so much what I want, versus how I feel. The word that I use in the book, that comes from John Gottman's research is meta-emotions. There's how you feel. There's how your sexuality... And this is also language I came up with after I finished Come as You Are. I was traveling all around the country and I was talking to students all over, and a student raises her hand and says, "You say in the book, Emily, confidence and joy. Over and over, you use these words, confidence and joy. Can you tell us what you mean by confidence and joy?" And I was like, "No, I have no idea what those words actually mean." And I had to think about it for a long time. And I finally realized that confidence is knowing what is true, knowing that you have a sensitive accelerator and your partner doesn't, or you have a sensitive brake and your partner doesn't, knowing that the context that works for you is one that is really safe, and familiar, and calm, and quiet, whereas the context that works for your partner is one of novelty, and adventure, and risk. Emily Nagoski: And okay, now you know what's true. Joy is the hard part, and that's loving what is true. Even, as I say in the book, when it is not what you were taught, it was supposed to be true. Even if it's not what you wish were true. Boy, would things be simple if two partners always all the time wanted the same level of sex. Desire differential is the most common reason why people seek sex therapy. Desire differential is also really universal. There is no such thing as two people whose desire tracks the same day-to-day. Emily Nagoski: Sometimes you have a rough day and your partner doesn't, so you're not interested in sex and your partner is. Some days the opposite is true. There is no such thing as people with exactly the same desire all the time. Just being like, "Hey, that's cool." That's what's true. Fortunately, I also love my partner, and so, we're gonna work it out together. We're gonna have conversations that can be calm and loving and affectionate, because we understand what's true about ourselves, about our accelerator, about the context that work for us, and we love each other and the things that are true about our two different sexualities. There are no judgement, there's no shame, there's just accepting that we are two different people, and it's not just that people vary from each other, it's also that people change over time. When you're in a relationship that lasts over multiple years, you and your partner's sexualities are gonna change and they may not necessarily change along the same trajectories. Joy is loving what is true about both of your sexualities and the ways that they change, whether that feels comfortable and easy or not. Neil Sattin: And this conversation, I appreciate that you brought up the requirement to as much as possible have it in a loving way, because those desire differentials can create a lot of stress. And as you just mentioned, for most people, no matter where they are in terms of brakes and accelerator, I think somewhere between 80% and 90% of people, that stress it's going to turn the brakes on. Emily Nagoski: Yeah. Neil Sattin: Can you talk a little bit about this... How the stress that we're carrying around with us every day... What can we do about that? Why is it so important to do something about it, rather than just sweeping it under the rug or pretending it doesn't exist? Emily Nagoski: Right. Neil Sattin: And what's on the other side of doing something about it? Emily Nagoski: There's a whole lot of telling ourselves not to, in a lot of aspects of our lives. We tell ourselves not to feel that way about sexuality. We try to force ourselves to feel a different way than we actually feel. We fight against the truth and reality, and we do that with our stress too. We tell ourselves that we're supposed to experience, "No, I don't need to be stressed out about that." You try to tell yourself, "Relax, just relax." When your partner, if you're stressed out and your partner is like, "Why can't you just relax? Just relax." Is that helpful? Does that help? Does that make things better? Neil Sattin: No, right. Emily Nagoski: No, it doesn't make things better, right? No, obviously. What has to happen is, instead of trying to just like not be stressed out, you have to move in the direction of the stress, sink down into it, and allow your body to experience it. Stress is a physiological process. It's like digestion. It has a beginning and a middle and an end. And if we don't interfere with it, our bodies will move through that entire cycle in a healthy, normal way that doesn't interfere with our lives. But as human beings with giant prefrontal cortexes and massively social tendencies to wanna control our emotions in order to make other people feel good, we tend to keep the brakes on, on our stress in the same way they keep our brakes on, on our sexuality. And so, we're walking around with all these activated stress response cycles, stress is the adrenaline, and the cortisol, and the hypervigilance, and the muscle tension, and the digestion changes, and the cardiovascular changes, and like your whole body, and your immune system is suppressed. Emily Nagoski: Every body system is influenced by the fact that these stress response cycles have been activated. And if you just tell yourself not to feel it, those stress response cycles will stay spinning inside your body waiting to finish and they will wait forever. Most of us are walking around with decades worth of incomplete stress response cycles, just sitting like rocks somewhere in our body waiting for us to let them go. Fortunately, there's lots of research that tells us what the effective strategies are for completing the stress response cycle. For example, physical activity. This is the obvious one, because the stress response cycle is designed for us to survive threats like being chased by a lion. When you're being chased by a lion, what do you do? Neil Sattin: Right, you get the hell out of there. Emily Nagoski: You run. Yeah. Our bodies do not differentiate between stressors, so your body responds basically the same way to a lion as it does to your boss or to your partner shaming and guilting you about sex, right? It's basically the same physiological stress response. It turns out, dealing with the stress itself, the physiology in your body requires basically totally different things from dealing with the thing that caused the stress. There is the calm, rational planning and negotiating that you have to do with your partner and then there is the dealing with the physiological stress itself. Just because you've dealt with the stressor doesn't mean you've dealt with the stress. Physical activity is the single most important thing that you can do - when people tell you that physical activity is good for you, that's for real-sy, every day, 20 minutes if you possibly can, literally any form of physical activity, even if it's just like jumping up and down in your bedroom, any form of physical activity is helpful. Emily Nagoski: We know that sleep is effective, creative self expression, writing and painting, music. We know that sleep is effective, did I say sleep already? Oh, and affection. So, calm, trusting, especially physical affection, but it doesn't have to be physical affection, it can just be the loving presence of another human is great. You know what's also great? The loving presence of a dog. You know what's also great? Loving presence of a God. If that's what makes sense for you. Whatever counts as a loving presence for you sitting and being with that presence helps to return your body to a state of calmness so that your body knows this is a safe place to live. I am safe right now. But it takes doing something for real, not just telling yourself. Neil Sattin: Right. And if you're doing that over and over, especially finding a way to regulate with another with your partner, then that brings about its own level of healing in terms of your right brain coming back online and your ability to operate from the parts of your prefrontal cortex that... Emily Nagoski: Right. To think critically, to be curious and creative, all of that comes back only when you have reduced the adrenaline and cortisol levels and reduce the threat level so that the creativity can expand instead of being so focused on just survival. Neil Sattin: Exactly. Just for your reference listening, if you want to learn more about healing trauma and ways modalities that can help with that we did have Peter Levine on the show, the creator of Somatic Experiencing, that was episode 29. So it's something for you to bookmark and listen to later, and he'll be coming back on the show as well. But somatic experiencing is just one. There are all kinds of modalities if you wanna work with a practitioner to help you... Emily Nagoski: Pat Ogden is another really key person in body based therapy. Pat Ogden and somatic... I forget what it's called. Pat Ogden is amazing and great, and does really, really good work around healing trauma through the body. What I love about body based strategies for dealing, not just with stress but with a trauma is that you don't ever have to have insight. You don't even necessarily have to think about whatever it is that caused the stress or the trauma. It's a different process. You can choose an insight process if you want to, but if you don't wanna go there, if you don't wanna think about it, sometimes you can release this shit from your body without ever having to think about the event that activated the stress. You can just deal with the stress itself without dealing with the event itself, especially if the event is in the past and there's nothing you can do about it now. Body based therapies are wonderfully gentle, indirect, tremendously effective strategy for helping to return your body to a safe state. Neil Sattin: Mm-hmm, big recommend from me as well. Emily Nagoski: There's a chapter on stress and love, and the stress section is pretty much entirely based on the polyvagal theory and Peter Levine's work, somatic experiencing, and Pat Ogden's work in the body-based approach to stress. Neil Sattin: Great. Yeah, and if you wanna learn more about the polyvagal theory, which Emily just mentioned, check out our episode with Steve Porges, which is episode number 34. Emily Nagoski: And so you've just interviewed my entire shelf of reference books. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Basically. That's my goal, Emily. [chuckle] You shouldn't have sent me that photo of your bookshelf, and actually send me more 'cause I don't wanna run out of people. I'm curious if we can talk now about the... 'cause one of the concepts that you discussed that was so fascinating for me was how you broke apart the process of arousal and desire into these different systems in our brain, and there was the enjoying system, the expecting system, and the eagerness system. And I felt like taking it apart like that made it so much easier to understand in a way that's actually practical for people. Can we dive in and just give a little bit more information to our listeners about what I'm even talking about? Emily Nagoski: Yeah. When you read sort of mainstream popular science journalism about brain science, they'll refer to this thing, the pleasure centers of the brain. And if they do that, it's a pretty good cue that they either don't know what they're talking about or they're simplifying it in a way that's really unhelpful, because it's not just the pleasure center of the brain. And calling it the pleasure center is like calling your vulva the vagina, like there's so much more to it, and if we ignore the other parts, we're ignoring some fundamental aspects of how the thing works. So if we break it down, yes, there's the pleasure part, which is just the part of your brain that responds to whether or not stuff feels good, and that's a little more complicated and we can talk about the ways that your brain responds differently to different stimuli as pleasurable or not depending on the context. Should we do that now? Or should I wait? Neil Sattin: Sure. Yeah, let's... Emily Nagoski: Okay. Neil Sattin: And I'll bring us back. Emily Nagoski: Yeah, the pleasure piece of it is slightly complicated because the nucleus accumbens shell in your brain has an affective keyboard. Everybody's asleep now, sorry. [laughter] Emily Nagoski: So the deal is, if you're in a sort of a neutral mental state and somebody tickles you, meh. If you're already in a fun, flirty, sexy, positive, playful, trusting state of mind and your certain special someone tickles you, that even if tickling is not your favorite, in principle, like that could feel fun and lead to other things happening, right? 'Cause your brain interprets that stimulation as something to be approached with curiosity and pleasure because you already feel safe, and trusting, and playful. But if you are pissed off at your partner and they tickle you, you wanna punch them in the face. It's exactly the same stimulation, right? The same tickling stimulation but the state of your mind is different, your brain state is different and so your brain interprets the sensation entirely different, not as something to be approached with curiosity and pleasure, but as a potential threat to be avoided or even attacked. Neil Sattin: Right. Emily Nagoski: And the only thing that is different is your state of mind, so pleasure is not simple. Pleasure is sensitive to the context in which you're experiencing it which is why hot and heavy early on in the relationship, you're in the middle of making dinner and your certain special someone comes over and starts kissing on your neck or whatever. And your knees kinda gets off and you're like, "Oh, that's cool." And things happen. 10 years later, you're trying to make dinner and you've got kids waiting for food and screaming at you and you got 10 years of accumulated frustrations in your relationship. Your certain special someone comes over and kisses on your neck then. You're like, "I'm trying to... Get away from me. What are you doing?" And again, it's exactly the same stimulation, but because the context is different, you experience that sensation in a totally different way, and that is a normal way for us to experience sensations. Emily Nagoski: The problem is not the way we experience the sensation, the problem is that the context changed. And it's not that the context is broken, that's just life. There's always the solution, we don't have to change us in order to find a solution, we just notice what it is about the context that's hitting the brakes and making our brain interpret the sensation as something that makes you wanna smack the person in the face and change the context if you possibly can to something that makes you interpret this person's sensations as something pleasurable to be approached with curiosity. That's the pleasure component of it. The nucleus accumben shell, woohoo. The second part of this pleasure center is actually the desire part. Eagerness, I called it in the book. Kent Berridge, who's... Have you interviewed Kent Berridge? Neil Sattin: Not yet, no. Emily Nagoski: Oh my God, that's the next guy on my shelf. Neil Sattin: Okay. Emily Nagoski: Kent Berridge or Morten Kringelbach. Neil Sattin: Okay. Emily Nagoski: They're the two key authors on this batch of research that distinguishes between wanting and liking. We talked about what liking is and the ways that it's dependent on context. Wanting is moving toward, is the actual activation, the desire, approach piece of it, not just the liking of, like, "Woo!" Or "Gleh!" Right? The classic example, that I actually cut from the book, so this is a thing that you will not read in the book, just to differentiate between wanting and liking, in an experiment, they gave... I always imagine it as one of those beer hats where there's a bottle on one side and a bottle on the other side and straws going into your mouth, do you know what I mean? Neil Sattin: Uh-huh. Emily Nagoski: So they gave one of those to a rat, it's not really like that, but just imagine it's like that. And in one of the cans, there's sugar water, which is delicious to the rat, and in one of the cans with a straw going into the mouth, there's salt water with the salinity of ocean water. How does that taste? Neil Sattin: Salty. Emily Nagoski: Yeah, it's gross. [laughter] Emily Nagoski: It's just a really innately disgusting flavor, because it's a dangerous flavor, it will give you way too much sodium and make you sick. They teach the rat that certain bells are associated with the sugar water coming in. When they get the sugar bell, they get excited. "Yay, here comes the sugar." And when the salt bell comes on, they go, "Ah! - gaddigah - I don't want the salt." But then they give the rat a drug that reduces their salt level. Now, so this is an animal that has zero pleasurable experience with the salty water. It's gross, they don't like anything about it, but when you deplete their salt levels, they will go over to the salt bell and start pushing it and gnawing on it and trying... Be like, "Make this... " They want the salt desperately because you've depleted the... You have a sodium drive that makes you desperate for salts if you don't get it. If you don't have the right sodium levels, you can literally die. So their whole body is in this huge activated, "I want the salt." Though they have zero experience of liking the salt. Does that distinction make sense between wanting? Emily Nagoski: So pleasure, liking is the pleasure part, enjoying. And then there's eagerness, there's desire, there's moving toward and they're overlapping certainly, but they are not identical and it is really important that we distinguish it. And then the third component of this mechanism that we usually just call the pleasure center is associative learning, is basically what it is. When I do PowerPoint presentations, I represent it with a drooling bulldog because of Pavlov's dogs. He trained them to drool with a ring of the bell, all you do is you put food in front of the dog, it automatically starts drooling and you ring a bell. Food, bell, drool. Food, bell, drool. And eventually, you just ring the bell and that's all it takes to get the dog to start drooling. Does that mean that the dog wants to eat the bell? Neil Sattin: No, of course not. Emily Nagoski: Does it mean... Right, of course not. Of course not. Does it mean that the dog finds the bell delicious? Neil Sattin: No. Emily Nagoski: Of course, not, right? It just means that the bell has been made food-relevant. It's associated with food stimuli. So it's now a food-relevant stimulus. Our genital response, blood flow and all the rest of that, is the associative learning component where if you're presented with a sexually relevant stimulus, you will get genital response. This is your activating, this is a sexually relevant accelerator response. It turns out there is a not very relevant overlap, there's not much of an overlap, between what counts as sexually relevant stimulus and what is actually liked, particularly in heterosexual women, so that a person's body can respond to sexually relevant stimulus... In the research, it's almost always different kinds of porn, sometimes it's visual porn, sometimes it's like they're being read an audiobook of an erotic story, sometimes they're even watching bonobo chimpanzees copulating, right? And women's genitals will respond to this, not as much as to the human porn, but significantly above baseline. If their genitals are responding, does that mean they find the bonobo sex like they really want to have sex with the bonobos? Does that mean they like monkey sex? Neil Sattin: This is so important. This is like one of the things in your book that... Not about bonobos necessarily, but... [laughter] Neil Sattin: But this question of how does our genital response correlate to our actual desire, and this might be a great time to talk about non-concordance. Emily Nagoski: Right. And for a lot of people the answer is, it doesn't - particularly for women. There's about a 50% overlap between genital response, and perceived arousal, or subjective arousal in cisgender men. And about a 10% concordance overlap between genital response, and subjective arousal in heterosexual woman. One of the pieces of research that's come out since Come As You Are was published, is the distinction that this arousal non-concordance appears to be a factor really just in straight women. We have no idea why there's a difference sexual orientation, why there's a difference in gender. It doesn't matter why there's a gender difference. We do have this tendency, like is anybody who's sitting here and thinking right now, "Really, there's that much of an overlap for guys, what's the matter with men? There must be... I mean, that's so strange that they have so much concordance between their genital response and their subjective desire. What's going on with that?" No, everybody automatically thinks, "Really, women have 10% overlap. That's really - what's wrong with women?!" Emily Nagoski: That's the patriarchy, that's the androcentric model of sexual desire, arousal, and response that all of us got raised in, assuming that the way a man works is the way a woman is supposed to work. And the extent to which a woman differs from a man is the extent to which she is broken, and needs to be fixed. And that's just not true. When a person's genital response doesn't overlap with their perceived arousal, when their genitals are responding, and they're like, "Nope. Not doing it for me" - what that means is that they've been presented with a sexually relevant stimulus that they do not want or like, which we can only understand if we know that this pleasure center of the brain does have these three separate channels that interact, of sexual relevance, sexually pleasurable, and sexual desire. They're related to each other, but they don't necessarily overlap. And we live in a pretend... In a fucked up enough culture that we're presented with plenty of sexually relevant stimuli in contexts where we neither want nor like what is happening. Neil Sattin: Right. And I would think that another way of looking at the statistic for men, the 50% concordance, is that men have the potential to be victimized by their sexual... By their genital arousal, basically. Emily Nagoski: Yes. Yeah. This narrative shows up a lot in stories of sexual violence against people of every genital configuration. The typical model is a person with a vulva being sexually assaulted, and the perpetrator says, "Well, but you were wet. So obviously, you wanted it or liked it." I cannot tell you how many students have told me, "Oh my gosh, this explains that experience I had where I was like, "Eh, this isn't doing it for me," and my partner was like, "No, you're turned on. You're wet." As though a person's genital response tells us more about what they're experiencing than the person does. And the same thing happens when a person has a penis. If blood is flowing to their genitals, they've been taught that that's an indication of who they are. Like their whole identity is tied to that, and it certainly indicates that they must want or like what is happening. But no, it's a reflex. We would never tell someone, if they bit into a wormy old apple, "Well, your mouth watered when you bit into that wormy old apple, so you must have actually really wanted or liked it. We would never do that. When your doctor taps your patellar tendon and your knee kicks out, nobody is like, "But deep down though, you really wanted to kick your doctor." We don't make this assumption with any physiological reflex, except for genital response. And we do it no matter what a person's genitals are, and it perpetuates a lot of myths around sexual violence. Neil Sattin: Yeah. In fact, I loved your rewrite of Fifty Shades of Grey. [laughter] Neil Sattin: Which I can quote here. In the next edition, Emily thinks that Grey should say to Ana instead of... 'Cause he, right, he spanks her, and she gets wet, is what basically... Emily Nagoski: Yes. She consents to it. She doesn't want it. She doesn't like it. There is not a single word about pleasure. Her face hurts 'cause she's squirming so hard to get away. And then, Christian Grey, the spanker/hero/douche bag, puts his fingers in her vagina, finds that she is wet, and says to her, "Feel this, Anastasia. Your body is soaking just for me." Neil Sattin: Right. "See how much your body likes this." Emily Nagoski: "See how much your body likes this." Likes this. "See how much your body likes this, Anastasia." Neil Sattin: Yeah. So, you're... Emily Nagoski: And I wanted to say. Neil Sattin: Yeah? Emily Nagoski: I want the next person to say, "See how sexually relevant your body finds this. Which tells me very little about whether you want it or liked it." [chuckle] Emily Nagoski: Did you want it, like it? No? Double crap! Double crap is a thing they say a lot in Fifty Shades Grey. [laughter] Emily Nagoski: Let me say that I am a romance reader. I read it with an open mind. It wasn't for me. I value a lot of things the Fifty Shades did for opening up a conversation about erotica and sexuality for women, and it also sold many millions of copies and perpetuated this myth that genital response... 'Cause here's the really bad thing about the book, about this particular aspect of it, is that even though she, in an email, goes on to describe the feeling of being debased, degraded, and abused, still, because he said, "Your genitals responded. Feel how much you like this." She believes him instead of believing what her own internal experience was telling her. 'Cause isn't that what we all get taught, is to believe other people's opinions about our bodies, what they are and what they should be, more than we trust and believe what our bodies are trying to tell us? Neil Sattin: Yeah and that theme runs throughout your book, of learning how to shed the messages that you've been given and the ideas about how things should be, and learning to more deeply trust what comes out of you, what you know about yourself, and what does give you pleasure and what doesn't, and to bring that to the conversation. Emily Nagoski: And I'm remembering the question you asked about how do we tell what's socially constructed and what's what you actually want and like. And sort of almost everything is socially constructed. Nobody is born with any innate sexually relevant stimuli other than just plain old genital sensations. Like nobody is born being turned on by cars, or high-heeled shoes, or smoking cigarettes, or power play. That's all learned from culture. That doesn't mean that it's not real for you and it's what you really do want, it just means that that is what you learned, it's what your culture taught you. And some of those things are just sexually relevant. Like your brain has been taught that those are sexually relevant stimuli. And some of them are things that, in the right context, really do give you gigantic pleasure, and you really do desire them in the right context, in one that facilitates pleasure. Somehow my go-to example of this has been if you fantasize about being cornered by five strangers who just want you sexually and so they take you. Emily Nagoski: If you're alone, safe in your bed, masturbating to that fantasy, in reality, the context is you are 100% safe and in control of that. Whereas if, in reality, five strangers cornered you and wanted to have you sexually, that would be physically unsafe, your stress response would kick in, you would only want to get away, it wouldn't actually be sexy. And the difference is the context. You can, if you wanna create that fantasy for yourself, you can ask five friends to participate in the role play, and communicate really clearly about what everybody's limits are. But that's, again, a really different context from five actual strangers. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so it's important to revisit for a moment... When you were describing context at the beginning, you were talking about all the factors that shape context. It's not just like, "Oh, well, the context is the bedroom's messy and the kids are knocking at the door, so I'm gonna send the kids to Grandma's and clean the bedroom." There's more than just the physical context, there's all of that... Emily Nagoski: Yeah. The stuff in the here and now tends to be the easy stuff to fix, the easy stuff to address. I heard someone joking at a romance writers' conference, "Characters in romance novels have sex when they're being chased and shot at by the Mafia, and I can't have sex if there's still a dish in the sink." [chuckle] Emily Nagoski: That's the easy stuff. The difficult stuff is when what you're bringing to bed and bringing to the context is years of shame, or years of judgement and blame, or relationship conflict, or a trauma history, or body shame, or gendered roles and ideas about how sex is supposed to work and if it's not working that way then it's working wrong. Those are longer term projects. And most of them can be undone through simple, daily mindfulness practices. It does take time. In the same way that it took time to get you to this place, it takes time to shift you out of that place and into a different, more neutral, self-accepting, partner-accepting place. But noticing the gunk, as I call it, the gunk that gets in the pipes, and making a decision to consider the possibility that you could live without the gunk and maybe clean it out is the way to clear up the channel, so that when you get to bed, the context is not one that's bringing with it all of this historical shit. Neil Sattin: Yes. Emily Nagoski: I've been swearing a lot. Neil Sattin: You have! Emily Nagoski: I don't know if that's okay. Sorry. Neil Sattin: This is an explicit show. It's totally fine. Emily Nagoski: Oh good. Neil Sattin: I'm wondering if, before we go, since you just brought up mindfulness, if you could offer just a simple approach to how you've seen mindfulness work. What's something that someone can do that, over time, will effect that great kind of change? Emily Nagoski: The simplest version is simply... So when you're in the process of a sexual experience, you will notice that maybe body-critical thoughts, or sexuality-critical thoughts, or partner-critical thoughts will enter your mind. You just notice them and are like, "Oh, hey! There's that critical thought. I'm gonna have that critical thought literally any other time that I want. For the moment, I'm gonna put it in the back, and I'm gonna return my attention to the pleasurable sensations happening in my body." And another critical thought will float through your mind, and you'll be like, "Oh, hey look! There's another critical thought. I'm just temporarily, I'm gonna put that in the back, and I'm gonna return my attention to the pleasurable sensations happening in my body." And with practice, over and over, we become really skilled at noticing those emotions before they dig deep, and even reducing the frequency and intensity with which they float into our minds. It makes a tremendous... There's a huge body of research. Another person for you to interview, Lori Brotto, does all this research on the impact of mindfulness on women's sexual well-being, especially women who are in recovery from gynecological cancers, and breast cancers, and other diseases, the impact it has on their relationships and their sexuality, and how to use mindfulness and sex education as a way to maximize sexual well-being in the recovery process. Neil Sattin: Amazing. Amazing. And I loved how you brought that in your book as well, not only in how you just described, but also in talking about how important it is to see the ways that you do judge yourself and you're critical of yourself, and how all of those responses are turning your stress inward. You're creating more stress for yourself, which is putting the brakes on for yourself and gets you in that negative feedback loop. Versus... Emily Nagoski: And it takes... Neil Sattin: Being able to heal it through your mindfulness. Yeah? Go ahead. Emily Nagoski: It requires the decision to prioritize turning off the brakes. You have to decide that it matters to you and to your relationship that you access your own sexual well-being. The couples who... What we learn in John Gottman's research is that the couples who sustain strong sexual connections over multiple decades are not couples who, hot and heavy, can't wait to stuff their tongue down each other's throat all the time. They are the couples who, one, have a strong foundation of friendship for their relationship, and two, prioritize sex. So they decide that it matters for their relationship that they set aside this half hour when they stop dealing with the kids, and work, and family, and friends, and Game of Thrones, and all of the other things that they could be paying attention to. They stop all that and they just pay attention to each other in this, frankly, pretty silly, fun way that humans do, because it matters for their relationship that they have that time to play, and touch, and connect. It's not the case for every couple that connecting in this way matters for their relationship, but the couples who sustain strong sexual connections, it's what they do. They make the decision that it matters that they cultivate sexual pleasure and curiosity. Neil Sattin: Well, you're blessing us with a great way to end our conversation, while at the same time reminding me of all the things that we could have talked about. I just wanna say... Emily Nagoski: We could talk about responsive desire, oh... [chuckle] Neil Sattin: Yeah, oh my goodness. Well... Emily Nagoski: Read chapter seven. That's all. Just read chapter seven. They know enough for that to make sense now. Neil Sattin: Do you have time to give a quick blip on that before we go? Emily Nagoski: Okay, really quick. Yes. Neil Sattin: Thank goodness. Emily Nagoski: The standard party line about desire is that it's spontaneous. It just sort of comes out of the... You're walking down the street. You're eating lunch and... Erika Moen, who is the cartoonist who illustrated Come as You Are, she draws this as a lightning bolt to the genitals. Just kaboom! You just want the sexes. And so you go to your partner with, "I have a kaboom. Can I have the sex? Uh?" And your partner's like... [vocalization] Emily Nagoski: So, that is, absolutely, one healthy, normal way to experience sexual desire, is to have it just be... Feel spontaneous and kinda out of the blue. And there is another, totally healthy, normal way to experience sexual desire, it's called responsive desire. See, spontaneous desire emerges in anticipation of pleasure. Responsive desire emerges in response to pleasure, bearing in mind that pleasure is sensitive to context and not simple. The way this works, there's really sort of two narratives of how it works. One is the sort of cuddle, snuggle narrative, where you're just sitting on the couch watching Netflix and your partner comes over and starts touching you, and your body's like, "Ah, that feels really nice." Emily Nagoski: And your partner starts doing other, more interesting things, and you turn and maybe start kissing on your partner, and your brain receives all this stimulation, it's like, "Ah, that feels really nice." And you turn and do maybe some more things, and there's a hand that goes up a shirt, and your brain's like, "That's... You know what, how about the sexy times?" Right? It's kaboom that emerges in response to pleasure. The cuddle, snuggle model. And then there's the Liz Lemon, "Let's do this," model, Where you dump the toys in the toybox, it's 3:00 on Saturday afternoon, you'd said that you would. "You, me, and the red underwear, here we go. Let's just get in the bed and go." [laughter] Emily Nagoski: And you put your body in the bed, and you put your skin against your partner's skin, and you remember that you like this. You like this person. You enjoy these sensations. And you allow your body to remember that this is fun and good. That's responsive desire. And all three of those are 100% normal... Neil Sattin: Normal. Emily Nagoski: Healthy ways. Right? That's... Many people feel that if you have to set appointments, if you don't already crave it when you get in bed, then there's something wrong. Nope. That's how it works sometimes. Most people will experience all of these different kinds of desire in their life. Some people never experience spontaneous desire. Some people have no experience of responsive desire. What matters is that you just notice that there are differences, and there are changes, and they are all 100% normal. And you can maximize responsive desire. The main way to maximize responsive desire is not to judge or shame it, but simply allow it. You allow desire to emerge from pleasure. My three-word... It rhymes and everything, so you can remember it and tell your friends, is, "Pleasure is the measure." Pleasure is the measure of sexual well-being. It's not how much you crave it, it's not how often you do it, or where you do it, or what you do, or how many people, or even how many orgasms you have. It's whether or not you like the sex you are having. Neil Sattin: Mm-hmm. Emily Nagoski: There's this sex therapist in New Jersey named Christine Hyde, who uses this party metaphor, she says to her clients, "If you're invited to a party by your best friend, of course you say yes 'cause it's your best friend and it's a party. But then as the date approaches, you start thinking, 'Ugh! There's gonna be all this traffic. We gotta find childcare. Do I really wanna put on pants on a Friday?'" [chuckle] Emily Nagoski: But like, you go because you said you would and it's your best friend and it's a party and what happens? Most of the time you have a good time at the party. If you are having fun at the party, you are doing it right. Pleasure is the measure of sexual well-being. Neil Sattin: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And just as a quick addendum because I love how you suggest this in your book and it's something we've talked about on the show before, sometimes in that context taking sex off the table or making it okay to... That this isn't leading to sex, this is just about exploring pleasure that can, I think... That's one of those things that takes the brakes off. Yeah. Emily Nagoski: It reduces the performance demand. Yes. Absolutely. Neil Sattin: Yeah. So... Emily Nagoski: I have actually started recommending that couples, when they... If they set an appointment, they set a date of like Saturday at 3:00, you and me, we're gonna do something, they set very firm limits on what they're allowed to do. Sometimes, it means not actually touching each other. Sometimes distance is... And this is the reason why I find both Esther Perel's model and John Gottman's model to be helpful, because people vary a lot in what works for them. Some people crave the closeness in order to facilitate desire and some people really long to have distance to have a bridge to cross to move toward their partner. People just have different strategies in the same way our brakes and gas are different. So figuring out what to do in that chunk of time that you set aside for you and your partner to do something or other that feels good, is gonna be different for you versus from everybody else that you know. Neil Sattin: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So take the time to get to know yourself and what you might actually want in that circumstance. Emily Nagoski: Yeah. Right. Neil Sattin: Oh, so many things, and yet we have run out of time. Emily Nagoski, it is so great to chat with you. I think your book, Come As You Are, is really required reading for people to just come to understand themselves as sexual beings in a totally new, actually based on science and not based on fable, way. And especially if you're a woman, especially if you're in a relationship with a woman, and even if you're a man and not in a relationship with a woman, there's just so much in here that I think will help you... Neil Sattin: And non-binary people too. Neil Sattin: Yes. And anyone, wherever you are on the spectrum, this will help you come to understand yourself and how that all works within you. I'm so appreciative of your contribution through writing the book. And if people wanna find out more about you, where can they find you on the interwebs? Emily Nagoski: The main place to go is my website, which is just emilynagoski.com. Neil Sattin: Great. And we will have a link to that, along with a detailed show guide, if you visit neilsattin.com/normal, though I'm tempted to make it Pleasure is the Measure, but neilsattin.com/normal, or you can text the word Passion to the number 33444 and follow the instructions. Emily Nagoski, thanks so much. Hope to have you back again sometime! Emily Nagoski: Thank you so much! Resources: Check out Emily Nagoski's website Read Emily’s book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that will Transform Your Sex Life www.neilsattin.com/normal Visit to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Emily Nagoski Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out  

Emily Nagoski, PhD, is the author of New York Times best-seller “Come As You Are: The Suprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.” Emily’s message is powerful to women exploring and understanding their sexuality: you are NORMAL, just as you are! As a professor at Smith College and sex educator around the country with a popular TedTalk, her mission is to help women feel confident and joy inside their bodies and with their sexuality. In our interview, Emily demystifies our sexual biology, explains the accelerators and brakes of sexual desire, what fetishes are all about, and how to come into your “authentic sexual wellbeing. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/lovelink/support

(PART 2 of 2) Add pleasure back in to the conversation about healthy sex and the whole conversation changes! This is the second half of a conversation with Doug Braun-Harvey, co-author of  hear it here: Part 1 (https://www.therapistuncensored.com/therapist-uncensored-season-2-sexual-vitality-new-conversation-sexual-health-doug-braun-harvey-part-1-2-sexual-debut-vs-losing-virginity-wow-fun-2/) How do shared values, honesty and pleasure work into having a healthy sexual life? How do we think of sex addiction and compulsivity as a disease rather than a common problem? How do people individually have to determine if their sexual behavior is out of control?   0:00 – Intro & Recap  1:15 – Distinguishing desire discrepancy and sex frequency. Having sex can actually lead to more desire after the fact.  2:39 – Sexual Health Principle: Honesty  3:03 – There is correlation between anti-masturbation attitudes and lack of knowledge about bodily responses. Parenting tip about honesty: Respond in a way that shows you’re grateful that you’re child is asking you and glad that they’re honest with you. This will make them a better partner in the future.  5:38 – Sexual Health Principle: Shared Values. Shared values = making sure we understand the meaning of sex, even in a case-by-case basis.  8:45 – Sexual Health Principle: Pleasure. 2011 definition of sexual health from the US Government removes the word “pleasure”.  12:18 –  If you don’t let children know that you know sex is supposed to feel good, you’ll appear ignorant.  Incorporating the concept of pleasure in dialogue with not only your child, but with partners. Remove shame from pleasure.   15:43 – Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life – Emily Nagoski   16:30 – Sex Addiction: Where can pleasure go wrong? Sex addiction became a popular conceptualization in the 1980s and was coupled with alcoholism and the advent of HIV. Idea that we cross a threshold into a way of functioning (addiction) and then can’t go back became commonplace thinking. Dialogue about pain of sex rather than pleasure.  21:00 – In the US, certified sex addiction therapists are not certified sex therapists. Sex addiction model is a trauma-focused model. Questioning the idea that something physiologically, psychologically has lead us into this disorder state. Instead thinking of it as a human problem rather than a disease.  23:00 – Braun-Harvey’s definition of out of control sexual behavior: When a person’s sexual urges, thoughts or behaviors feel out of control for them.  24:30 – Often dialogue about out of control sexual behavior comes after a period of secrecy. This can conflict with shared values.  26:00 – Example of a 20-year marriage in a non-sexual relationship. Husband is masturbating frequently, is discovered, and subsequently treated for sex addiction. Instead this is not a behavior to be overly concerned about. It’s consensual solo sex.  28:00 – Construction of sexual imagery as exploitative can lead to arguments. People individually need to determine when imagery becomes exploitive. Interpretation to case: After values conflict surrounding sexual imagery as exploitative or not, they both expressed that they had pleasure from experience and got to know each other better. Sharing who you are erotically is a great way to get to know your partner.  32:50 – Violating values. Idea of being compulsive or having a disease is actually just violating one or more of the principles.  How to find our guest. 35:00 – Wrap-up. Importance of having conversations about sexual health. Treating Out of Control... Support this podcast

Pegging, porn, and prostitution. A listener wrote in with a terrific message and mentioned pegging. Which sent us off on a bender about butt sex. Then, Dawn and Dylan talk about the new pink Viagra pill and why that name is so misleading. Flibanserin/Addyi is not what they're claiming it is, and there are better ways for most people to stimulate low desire. Dawn ran across a fun article about Pornhub viewers that found women (yes, it's heteronormative) watch more hardcore porn than men. We discuss. Finally, after nearly a month, we talk about the amazing Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. With amazing talks by Charlie Glickman, Joan Price, Monica Raye Simpson, and more, it was a powerful weekend of sex and human rights.   You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Our friend Dr. Emily Nagoski debunks tired, widely held ideas about sex and replaces them with perfectly clear, scientifically sound explanations. One of those new ideas totally blew our minds, so we’re bringing you our take on the “Dual Control Model.” Dr. Nagoski has compiled all of her brilliance into a book, called “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Change Your Sex Life,” in stores now. Trust us, it’s a good read. If you’d like a fun illustrated guide that explains the model, check out Oh Joy Sex Toy’s version (the best webcomic in the world).