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In Part 1 of her Listening to Yourself series, Lesley Logan unpacks what intuition actually is and why so many of us struggle to hear it. Drawing on personal stories and current research, she explores how subconscious pattern recognition, past experiences, and inner calm shape the way our gut speaks to us. She also names the noise that drowns it out: fear, trauma, social pressure, and over-reliance on logic. This episode is a grounded reset for anyone who's lost trust in their inner voice. If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co mailto:beit@lesleylogan.co. And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.In this episode you will learn about:What intuition actually is, and the science of subconscious pattern recognition.The reason a gut feeling can seem illogical now but make sense later.Three books that explain fear, trauma, and your inner voice.Ways fear, anxiety, and past trauma quietly disguise themselves as intuition.The difference between calm intuition and loud, urgent fear.Episode References/Links:Quora: Why Is It So Hard to Trust Intuition - https://share.google/xCow6Q7yTdKUQMPkoMedium: What Intuition Really Is and Isn't - https://share.google/DBWNMS5g6vafDOAejIPC: What Exactly Is Intuition - https://share.google/eH2S0zlOENreq2AsVPsychology Today - https://share.google/gDyxkjMpOgu31QO75The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - https://a.co/d/03NEtJNIWhat Happened to You by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey - https://a.co/d/0aOdhLkoGetting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix - https://a.co/d/07Ct9mnJCatch and Kill by Ronan Farrow - https://a.co/d/0aEu2NNzMoonBrew - https://moonbrew.co/lesleylogan20Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSIDEALS! 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DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentCheck out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper's Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentBe in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlistBe It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-surveyBe a part of Lesley's Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/Resources:Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gLesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQProfitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/Follow Us on Social Media:Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gFacebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilatesLinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses Episode Transcript:Lesley Logan 0:00  Trusting your intuition is difficult because it's easily confused with fear, anxiety or past trauma, rather than a purely rational guide. It is built on learned experience and subconscious pattern recognition, meaning it can be biased or inaccurate. New situations, additionally high stress, societal pressure and logical over-analytical thinking, often drown out inner quiet knowing. Lesley Logan 0:19  Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. Lesley Logan 1:01  All right, Be It babe. Hi. We're gonna have a really fun series for you, two episodes. I know, isn't it fun? I certainly hope so. So if you're new to the Be It pod. Normally, in the past, we always had an interview on Tuesdays and a recap on Thursdays. And after five years of doing that, I talked to so many people, I've had so many requests on topics that sometimes it's hard just find a guest who wants to talk about that for like, 20 minutes, right? And so I thought it'd be fun to take some of the topics that you guys have been requesting and then do some deep dive research myself, share them with you, and then we can have other guests come on after that that kind of dovetail into that topic. And so we have a great episode coming out next week, that's all about listening to your body and what it's telling you and healing yourself. And so that led me to going, like, can everyone listen to their intuition? Like, do we all have it? Is it easy to listen to yourself? And so I don't know, let's, let's talk about it, right? I think, as someone who's an Aquarius, who's in her head all the time, I was like, is it, is talking to myself as an Aquarius with ADHD in my head all the time, the same as intuition? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, like, I don't think so. I think that's just like self-talk. But what we'll see, what the research says in just a second. But I will also say, like, I can think of certain times where, like, there was a very clear voice that came through in my life about what I should be doing next. And I remember going, that is such a weird thing to hear or say or think, and so that's why I feel like it's not the same as, like just talking to yourself. I think there's like a clear voice that cuts through and it's like, hey, hold on. Pay attention to this. I'll tell you a couple of them. Lesley Logan 2:38  One, the voice that I heard in my head when I was in a Pilates class, and this had been in 2007, I did Pilates for a couple of years at that point, and I was, like, it was probably around April or May of 2007 and because I moved into a couple months later. So actually, no, in my mind it must have beenJune, because I, like, was such a quick turnaround, like 30 days. So it must have been June. So I was in a Pilates class, and I heard my voice go, I don't like living here, in the Pilates class, I don't like living here. And I remember going, what a weird thing to say because the truth is, like, consciously, I love living where I live. I live by the beach. Who wouldn't wnat to do that? I've been living by the beach for almost seven years. At that point, like the one of the luckiest people, I had the greatest job. And so for me to say I don't like living here, was kind of like a big thought to have, and that that thought later that day, when I went to work and I picked up the phone and somebody was like, hey, Lesley. She had my same job at a different location in L.A. in Santa Monica, so it was also by the beach. And she said, hey Lesley, she's like, I put my two-week notice in, and it was like, my my mind was like, remember the thing that I heard, and my mind goes, oh, I'm gonna put in for your I'm gonna put in transfer for your job, right? And so then I so that was one moment where, like, the intuition was just so clear for me, for like, what I need to do and how I need to change my life. Another time that I can share with you about, like, listening to my intuition is one of my clients. So two, two parts. So in December of 2019, Brad and I were in Vegas, kicking off our very first tour ever. And we were at Vesta Coffee Shop. It's on Casino Center Drive, shout out to our neighbors, and I've never been there. We're waiting for our pop up to start. And we were having coffee, and Brad goes, I could live here. Said that, right? And I looked around, and I was like, I know it feels like the weird side of Melrose, like the place in town, like we've always want to kind of live at and we didn't have it, and it didn't even feel weird to even think because we loved L.A. So like, it's kind of just a little weird that, like he would say that, and I'm like, we love L.A. So like, why would I go, yeah, you know? And so then I gathered some information. Later that day, I asked my brother, like, do people live here who don't like work in the industry here? And he's like, oh, yeah, you know. And so put that aside. Like Brad said that thing, I had this feeling like, oh. And I got some more information. Then, two weeks after shutdowns and Covid, so we're in April, one of my clients said, hey, this company I work for is going to be working remote until June of 2021, so I think you should break your lease, cancel it, put yourself in storage like you know. And my immediate thought when she said that, my brain was like, space is going to become a commodity. Brad and I need to move to Vegas now, right? And so that was just like this intuition moment that I could then take action on and then, and on June 1st we moved. So I think that, like, it really does require a little bit of information and then trust in your gut, but that's what I think. I'd love to know what you think, and here's what the research says. So let's see if we think I'm spot on, or if you agree with me or agree with the research. Lesley Logan 5:40  So I have two things for today's episode. Today's episode is like, what is intuition? And then also, why is it difficult for us to hear or trust our intuition? Thursday's episode is going to be on tools to actually hear your intuition better. Okay? So that's the breakdown of our lineup. So, and then the sources for this information are always gonna be in our show notes. So, what is intuition? Intuition isn't magic or fantasy. Intuition is the ability to acquire knowledge or understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning or analytical thought, often described as a gut feeling. It acts as an inner voice that processes information, past experiences and pattern recognition on a subconscious level to guide decisions. So you can see from my two examples, like I had to have information. You know, like I I had been living in the place where I've been living for a while, and I've been doing Pilates, and then I had this thought, and then when I went to this to the next part of my day, I got more information. It was like, I can act on that gut feeling, right? Brad and I liked Vegas. Thought about moving here in two or three years, so in 2022 or 2023 and then again, got some information, and my gut feeling is like, oh, I can take action on that. So it's just, it's, it's kind of like the same thing that people could say that luck is the intersection of preparation meets opportunity. I do think that the more I read about this intuition stuff, it's like you have a connection to your thoughts, and then you get, it meets opportunity and information, and then the two connect together and for you to take an action on that, no one else would see, because they're not in you, and they don't, they have different thoughts that get the same information, so it's gonna have a different reaction, right? So key aspects of intuition, there's a subconscious processing. It's not magical, but rather the brain's rapid, automatic analysis of previous experiences, of stored knowledge. So your brain is as a fiel cabinet, and it's got the stuff going on, and then all of a sudden it's a rapid automatic like looking through the files and going, boom, hold on, what? Check this out. Listen to this. Right? Lesley Logan 7:32  Pattern recognition. It functions the mental shortcut, helping individuals recognize patterns in complex situations. One of the things that I joke about, and I feel like several of you listeners have agreed that you have the same thing is like when the shoe drops, I have such clarity of the next thing to go, like the next thing to do, right? So, for example, we were on a plane coming home from Cambodia on March 14th 2020, and I already knew L.A. had shut down. We had heard that the day before, and so we had sent our dog walker to a grocery store, like I just sent her a bunch of money. I was like, please get any groceries you can. Good luck. Stay safe, right? And we're on this plane, and I'm getting all these emails of all these people who are trying to cancel contracts I have for the year. And I told Brad, I said, the Pilates industry does not know how to teach online, and every single person has to go online yesterday, so when I get home, I'm going to teach the people who are in our Profitable Pilates agency membership, how to teach online, I'm going to to do that tomorrow. So I like set it up. I told everyone at this time, at this day, it's your part of your membership. I'm teaching you. And then I had a public one that I charge for for five days later. So I knew based on just how much of my life experience as a teacher that was teaching online, and then so I knew what I had been doing, but most people are not trained to do that, and so it was this like mental shortcut that I was able to go, this is a complex situation. Hold on. I know how to teach this. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna let it go. I'm gonna do it right now. It's like, it was this like urge that I had to get it done. I'm really proud of what we did and how we saved so many people's businesses because of that quick mental shortcut. Pattern Recognition, right? Lesley Logan 9:07  Speed and emotion, intuitive thoughts often appear quickly in consciousness accompanied by an emotional or physical sensation. Right? Speed and emotion, intuitive thoughts often appear quickly in consciousness accompanied by an emotion or physical sensation. Bridge between mind and logic. It bridges the gap between the conscious and unconscious mind operating beneath layers of logic. And I think that is really important, because I believe that in hindsight, we can see how logical some of these gut instincts, intuition moments are, but in the actual moment it it seems illogical if you were to tell people, like, when I came home and told Brad, I was like, space is gonna be a commodity, we need to buy a house right now. Luckily he just, like, had been on board with my crazy thoughts already, but a lot of people were like, you shouldn't be spending any money right now. There's so much uncertain. Like, the logical part would be like, don't buy a house right now, right? So it really does bridge the gap between these two. Lesley Logan 10:00  How it works. Intuition relies on tacit knowledge, which information, which is information gathered over time that is not consciously recalled. It's particularly effective in situations where quick, high stake decisions are required, such as detecting danger, assessing a person's trustworthiness. While powerful, it can be influenced by biases such as past negative experiences. That's important, your intuition can be a little flawed based on your past experience. Experiences, so it's always important that you are growing and learning. Because there's two books I want to that my brain just recalled that I feel like, oh my gosh, we have to talk about these right now. One of these books is called The Gift of Fear. It's by Gavin de Becker, and the book when I read it, so I will say I've read it with a diff in a different place in my life, but when I read It, there's an interesting part about how your gut will tell you, like something, like instinct about something, but then logic will tell you something completely different. And so then you'll lean on logic when your gut instinct was to, like, not trust the person, or not trust the thing. Now with that said, if you have a past experience in the subconscious that can actually affect you reading your intuition a little incorrectly, let me explain that there's. Oh the other book. Here we go. So there's the book What Happened to You, and that is with a great doctor and Oprah, and it talks about how your brain is developing. So as a child, if someone had a special scent or smell or voice or something like that, it will attribute that scent or smell or voice response to some and let's say that person was a negative person in your life, it will attribute that. So if you smell that your your gut instinct might be to feel fear and unsafe when that person has nothing to do with that, and that's in the present moment that has nothing to do with that. And but you're you're you're misreading based on your past experience. So you do want to make sure that you're you, if you have any of any traumas in your life, that you're not necessarily using that trauma to cast a judgment on somebody else you don't know. But so definitely, The Gift of Fear, read What Happened to You, if that's some if you have anything like that, if you smell something and it instantly makes you want to go, oh my god, I gotta leave this place. I would definitely explore that so you can retrain that, because it could be a shitty person. But if it's not, we don't want your intuition to lead to the wrong way. Okay, the third book, I didn't finish this book, I will say, and I have no idea if this author ages well in life, and we're not going to go down that road, but, but in it's called Getting the Love You Want. And I had a lot of parents who were couples read it, and they were a really in problematic relationships. So I don't know why I took the recommendation, but I was in a different relationship, and I was like, okay, I want to read this with you. And of course, big red flag, they did not want to read it with me. But one of the things about in the first chapter of this book, which is, like, the most important part that kind of goes with what I was just talking about in What Happened to You is that when we get into relationships, we fill all of our holes up, right holes with an H, and we fill all of our holes up, and then we project the person that we're with filled those holes up, but we actually just did it ourselves. And then when the relationship is no longer new, and we are tired of filling our holes, we stop doing that, and then we blame the other person for change. Person for changing when really we were the ones that were doing that. But in that book, it talks about how oftentimes we cast judgments on people based on subconscious thoughts from early childhood with different people in our family. So we either trust someone because they seem like their energy, seems like your grandmother, who you loved, or they seem like your your stepfather, who you didn't, right? So, so definitely worth if you have, if you're having a hard time trusting yourself, or you are, you feel like you might be misinterpreting based on past experiences, you might want to check those things out. Or, instead of reading the books, just go get some great, wonderful help. Lesley Logan 13:45  Okay, so back to this, how it works. Remember, I'll just repeat myself. Intuition relies on tacit knowledge, which is information gathered over time that is not consciously recalled. It's particularly effective in situations where quick, high stakes decisions are required, such as detecting danger or assessing a person's trustworthiness. While powerful, it can be influenced by biases such as negative past experiences. So definitely, I agree, like I think that intuition isn't something that's like happening all day long, all the time, although it could be, I guess. But for the most of us, we're really like relying on it and like paying attention to it in times of need, when we have to make a quick decision, and that's almost like you get a little more clarity, right, like the mind chatter does stop, so you can actually hear what's important. So we have some examples. So if a soldier or police officer is sensing danger in a seemingly safe environment, though that could be like, where your intuition is like, ooh. Like, why do I feel weird in this place? It's so perfectly wonderful interpersonal feeling an immediate sense of unease or trust regarding a new person, right? You go to a family event, someone brings a friend, and you're like, I do not like this person. I will say, okay, I remember in high school, I always watched Good Morning America. My mom would always find The Today Show, and I was like that, Matt Lauer guy is weird. There's just something about that. Matt Lauer guy I do not like, and she's like, Lesley, you don't even know him. He is a reporter, and I am not. I could not stand the sound of his voice. So then, when I read Ronan Farrow's book, I was like, fucking knew it. I knew it. I knew it, right? Like it's so, so I will say sometimes it's like, it feels illogical to other people, but you might have an immediate sense of unease or trust regarding a new person. And then skill-based, an expert making a split correct decision in a fast paced game or in a professional setting based on deep experiences. You've seen this in the movies, right? You've even done this, right? So this is, as a Pilates instructor, something I try to teach other Pilates instructors is, like, it takes time for your gut to be like, they need this exercise over here, but it doesn't come if you're talking all the time, right? If you constantly are counting for clients, and you're constantly talking the whole time, you can't actually be present enough to see if, like, what's going on, and then you can't hear the intuition saying, I think they should go to this exercise over here. I'll never forget the time that I was watching Jay Grimes teach, and I said, oh, why did you give him that exercise? He was like, I don't know. My gut just said he needed it, right? Like, that's the that's a skill-based one. That's the one I pride myself in having. Lesley Logan 16:00  Okay, so now let's actually talk about why trusting your intuition can be difficult, like why it might be hard to hear when your intuition is talking to you. So trusting your intuition is difficult because it's easily confused with fear, anxiety or past trauma, rather than a purely rational guide. It is built on learned experience and subconscious pattern recognition. Meaning it can be biased or inaccurate new situations. Additionally, high stress, societal pressure, and logical over analytical thinking often drown out inner quiet knowing. So I'll just say, like, I think sometimes we can't hear it because we don't want to, because we know the answer is probably something that's we're doing that's different, you know, like that past person I was with who didn't really read the book. I remember being on the 101 freeway, and I remember thinking, gosh, I wish he would just break up with me. Right? My thought wasn't like, oh, I should break up with him. It would say, would you just break up with me? And then I was like, oh, my god, and I'd have to move and I have to do these things. And like, he's not a bad guy, and, like, on paper, he wasn't. So like, it's really interesting how we can, like, have intuitive thoughts and then, like, because they don't make sense in logic, we kind of, like talk ourselves out of it. Also say, I remember having, I remember this distinct moment where my brain was like, you should just make a left here. And I was like, why would I make a left here, and instead I made a left, where I always make a left, and I was in a head on collision. So, you know, I don't know why I thought that, but I, like, literally, wasn't listening at that time in my life. And so I think it can be, depending on what's going on in your life, it can be hard to listen to those things, or you might not. You might have a series of time of just actually not trusting yourself and the decisions you made. And so then you when your inner intuition is telling you something you haven't you don't have trust there, right? And so I feel that I see that. Lesley Logan 17:46  So here are some other main reasons why it's hard to trust your intuition, confusion with fear and trauma, what feels like a gut feeling is often an emotional reaction based on past trauma, fear or anxiety causing you to overreact. Anxiety often masquerades as intuition, especially when facing new or challenging but harmless situation. So again, I do think if you know that certain things cause you some anxiety or fear, it is absolutely worth go and exploring that with someone who with a professional because what I don't want you to do, and what you take from this episode is that, oh, when I have fear anxiety, it's like, not real, and I should just listen to my intuition that is like, that's not what I want. I actually want you to get some clear, urgent support, so that you can recognize the difference between anxiety and intuition, right? Context dependency. Intuition relies on learned patterns of the past. If you're in a new or unfamiliar situation, your gut may not have the necessary experience to provide accurate guidance, making it unreliable in, for example, on modern, complex scenarios compared to simple, repetitive ones. So like, I think this is where you can if you are in a new situation, a new job, a new totally different thing, maybe, like, you're supposed to fly into JFK, and you end up flying into some other place, and now you're like, it's gonna be really difficult to hear your gut, because your your your intuition, because your brain doesn't have a file for that place, and so it's, it's almost like a lot of noise, right? So then I would just say, like, don't judge yourself for not being able to hear yourself. Your brain is trying to take in the information it needs before it can even pipe in with some intuition. Logical over analysis. The logical sensor in our brain often dominates decision making, dismissing subtle nonverbal or non logical cues. So if you read The Gift of Fear, he talks about how like he was in a restaurant and it smelled like the smell, smelled like Italian. And he was like, oh, Italian. And he's looking at like the name of the restaurant, and it's Italian. But the pictures everywhere are not Italian restaurant pictures. They're they're quite very they're quite different, right? And so his, he knew he like lot, like his intuition, like, Oh my god, look at this. It's onna be a great Italian meal. But then the logic around him was showing that it wasn't Italian. So he's like, oh maybe it's not Italian, so maybe it's it's whatever he thought it was, and I should order this x, y or z, then the menu came as it was fucking Italian, right? So it's really easy for us to talk ourselves out of what we're actually hearing by using logic. And logic can, logic is there for a reason. I'm not bad mouthing it, but sometimes it can lead you astray, and because your gut had is actually picking up on the subtler things that are, that are actually what's going on. Mental noise and stress. High levels of stress, depression or being a state of shock, can distort or block intuitive signals. So you're stressed out right now, my love like, that's why you're not hearing it right. You're not hearing your intuition because you're in a high stress space. So it's not like a meditation a day is going to solve that problem. You might have to do and make other changes, but be kind to yourself. It's gonna be harder to hear. Got a lot going on. Prior failures, past mistakes can make you lose confidence in your own judgment. And I think this is where we have to be really kind to ourselves, because I always believe we fail forward. I really do believe that like making like if you think you made, in air quotes, a bad decision based on something you thought your intuition, and it led you to door number three. Well, my thing is that, you know, if you didn't die, then door number three is not a bad door it's an experience you need to have. Your brain would actually have more information to make better decisions in the future. And so actually, maybe you're supposed to go through door number three, and your intuition was spot on, right? Like, I will absolutely say, like I would not be here talking to you today had I not gone and taken that first Pilates class when my logic noise was saying, do not do that, right? I would not be here today if I had relied on my past failures. Of like, the first time we did Agency, nobody bought it. But now Agency is, like, eight years old and has helped 1000s of businesses. So I would just say like you're gonna fail in life. It doesn't mean you can't trust yourself. It means you had to learn something so that you can have even greater information and success in the future. But just be kind to yourself. Social pressure, the desire to conform to social norms, where fear of judgment can override your internal signals. I think this is really huge. I will tell you right now, my gut was spot on with all my exes, every single one, but especially my last one. I remember my gut was like, this is I think we should let this one go. And people at my job were like, oh my god, he sent flowers. Oh my god, he picked you up for a date. Oh my god, he did these things. And so then I stopped listening to my gut ended up in a five fucking year long relationship. Right when I can tell you right now, within 48 hours, my gut was like, should move on from this. You know. Anyways, that happens, though, because societal pressure and norms can, like, really change your decisions on, on what you're doing, and make you not listen to yourself. Self-sabotage, sometimes self sabotaging behavior disguise itself is the gut feeling to keep you in a comfortable, familiar, but limiting state. So what I will say is, I have many people saying, oh, gosh, I had this obstacle, which means I'm probably not supposed to be doing the thing that I'm doing. And I would say, like, actually, is that it's saying, or is it saying, like, hey, how bad do you want this? Are you going to work a little harder for it? Right? You know what I mean? Like, I think, like, first of all, I think too many people think that things are going to come like, easy for you, just because you have this great idea that it's just going to be easy to do. Nothing is easy to do. We're working on two major projects right now that scare the fuck out of me, if I'm completely honest. And every time I think maybe we shouldn't do it, my gut's like, oh, you're doing it like you you're supposed to do it. Like, talk about, like, that gut instinct where, like, there's that emotional and physical feeling we talked about earlier in the episode. Like, every time I think I'm not going to do it, I actually feel uneasy. And when I think, like, well, I am going to do it. It's like, yeah, because that makes the most sense. So I would just say that, like, it's easy to self-sabotage and stop yourself and call it intuition, because you're feeling an obstacle, but that's not necessarily what's happening. And how do you know if it's self-sabotage or actually a gut intuition? I think you'll have to actually just look back at your past behaviors. Are you doing something you've done in the past? Oh, something's getting really hard, and so you're talking yourself out of it, right? Maybe you have to ask yourself, like, what is the cost of not doing this? Like, you might have to just take a little bit more time and do some journaling, or give yourself a little bit more time. Let me just hang on a little longer. I can always stop this in the future, but let's just, like, take a little bit longer, get a little bit more information. Now that said, sometimes people are so afraid of self-sabotage that they talk themselves into being in jobs longer and relationships longer and other things longer. So I just say like, you know you the best. This is where you have to get honest with yourself, right? So it's because I don't want you to be like, -h, I'm I don't want to self-sabotage if I stick out this thing and I and Lesley said, so no, I just want you to just pay attention to your own patterns and what is going on. Here's the thing, hearing your intuition is difficult because it is a quiet, subtle inner voice that is easily drowned out by loud, racing thoughts, fear and societal demands for logic. It is often hard to distinguish from anxiety or past traumas, which present as urgent, emotional and reactive, rather than calm and steady, like if you are someone who is like feeling the effects of cortisol has had past trauma, has a lot going on in your mind. You're it's you're there's too much uncertainty in your life. I just want you to know if you're having a hard time hearing what to do next, it's, it's because you got, there's a lot going on and there's a lot going on right now. Oh my god. Like logic and society would say, let's not start anything new right now, right? But I will also say that, like, some of the craziest things I did at times were the so uncertain I am, like, sitting in this beautiful house, that people are like, you're crazy to buy a house when, like, you're not even sure what Covid is going to do with your business right now. Now, I also don't want people to go into debt, because it's, my gut says so, like, we have to really make sure that we're, we're making decisions from the right place and sitting with those things. And as you build that up, you might need to take some time and make sure that, like, it's the same answer. You know, you like, start, like, shake a magic eight ball, and you get an answer. You're like, I don't like this answer, and shake it again to get another answer. This is, like, I would say it's the opposite. It's like, maybe, if you're working on trusting your intuition and not self-sabotage or talking yourself out of things or using society's pressures to stick with whatever you're supposed to do, maybe you're looking for the eight ball to say the same thing three days in a row, right? All right. Lesley Logan 26:22  So just a couple, just to go on to that, because I know, I know you my listener. I know you need more information. So here is more information on why it's hard to hear your intuition. So overthinking and noise, overthinking, chronic overthinking. Hello, my chronic overthinkers. I see you. Stress and anxiety create mental noise that drowns out the quiet, subtle whispers of intuition. So if that's you, might want to be taking some time, maybe the habits to try to figure out, like, what do I do with my overthinking thoughts? I am an over thinker at night. Holy frickin moly, it is insanity. So guess what? MoonBrew, extra magnesium, a little extra support from my hormone specialist, and I can overthink in the morning, and then I'm like this. It's too beautiful to overthink right now, right fear, miss it misidentified as intuition. So true intuition feels calm, while fear-based thoughts are loud, urgent and emotional. We often confuse fear or past trauma, for example, needing to protect yourself for intuition. So I think I love that they brought this up, because it's like, how do you know? And as I've just mentioned a few times, it's one thing I'm thinking of doing every time I think about not doing it, it doesn't feel easy. Every time I think about doing it, this is gonna be the hardest thing I've ever done. But there's a calmness, like a confidence to my body that I feel, right? Over reliance on logic, so society priorities is data, facts and rational thinking, leading us to dismiss gut feelings that lack immediate logical explanation. So just notice, like, look, I do believe in data over dogma, but just kind of notice when you're letting other people's need for data determine what you how you make your decisions, that's their need, not yours. Lack of inner calm, intuition requires a grounded, present state. You're overwhelmed, ungrounded, or disconnected from your body, you cannot hear the physical sensations that often accompany intuitive nudges right. So like, I will just say, if you are not in an inner calm state, you should not be making any decisions. One, you're not gonna hear your intuition. But two, like, we all make poor decisions. Date terrible people pick big fights when we're not in inner calm state. So you might want to figure out things that help you with that. Lack of trust and self-doubt, low self-confidence or history of dismissing your own feelings can make it difficult to trust your inner voice when it does speak. I feel that I get you. I've been there. Lesley Logan 28:27  So my love. I hope this gave you some like kind of thought and some insight about, like, intuition versus inner chatter, versus why it's hard. I hope you know like it's totally normal to feel like you have lost your inner voice, or that you don't have that trust there. I think that there's just so much going on, and I don't know that our intuition can really, like, compete with, like, the scroll, the instant scroll, of so many things that are going on and and, you know, the time I'm recording this, like, you know, the President is, like, threatening to be at war. But also, you know, that's a distraction for the files. And then there's this happening over here, and then the hockey team just bringing up what every single female, like, always feels is happening all of the time. And you're just like, oh my god, and I have to go to work, and I have to fill this thing out, and I have to figure out how I'm gonna make this big decision. And so I just want you to know, like, there is a lot going on, so it can be hard. And I would highly encourage you to figure out, maybe brainstorm, go back to the habits episode and brainstorm all the different things that you could do to try to just like, get a habit or a thing that you could do to help you calm your nervous system so that then you can make decisions from a better place, and just remember that taking all that information is helping you with your intuition. Your intuition relies on information that you have filed away. Hard to have intuition on something you've never done or experienced or know, right? So I think you're amazing. I really hope that you are into this series. So Thursday, I'll give you the tools for listening and hearing it better, and then next week, we're going to have a really great guest who used her inner knowing and inner guidance to help heal herself. So I think that there's there's so much that our intuition and our inner guidance can do if we're listening. And so I hope this gets you started. Lesley Logan 30:18  If you have a topic that you want me to discuss, or if you have something related to this that you want to share with us, you can send it to the beitpod.com/questions. Ask a question. You can share a win about it, or you can you can just tell us, I'd love to hear how this is helping you and until next time, Be It Till You See It. Lesley Logan 30:32  That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.Brad Crowell 31:14  It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.Lesley Logan 31:19  It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.Brad Crowell 31:24  Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.Lesley Logan 31:31  Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.Brad Crowell 31:34  Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this podcast, therapist and author Ross Rosenberg — with 37 years of experience — explains why working harder, being kinder, or trying to "figure out" your partner will never get you the love you crave. The real problem? Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD).Ross breaks down how core shame, pathological loneliness, and childhood attachment trauma keep you trapped in cycles with narcissists — and why no amount of effort can fix a relationship built on an unstable foundation. He introduces his concept of relationship math, explains the difference between self-love deficit and self-love abundance, and shares his 11 promises of what life looks like on the other side.If you're ready to stop running on the hamster wheel and start building real, lasting love — it starts with the person in the mirror.

You didn't just want love…you wanted to be chosen.And without realizing it, that need can turn into something deeper—an identity.In this video, we're talking about what happens when your sense of self becomes tied to who chooses you… and why rejection feels so personal, why you stay longer than you should, and why it's so hard to let go—even when you know something isn't right.Because this isn't just about relationships.It's about the meaning you've attached to being picked.At some point, you stop asking “Do I even want this?”and start asking “Why don't they want me?”And that shift changes everything.This video will help you understand: • Why being chosen feels so important to you • How this pattern shows up in dating and relationships • Why you lose yourself trying to be chosen • And how to rebuild your identity without needing validation from someone elseIf you've ever felt like your worth increased when someone chose you… or decreased when they didn't, this is for you.✨ Let's connect:

Are you attracting the right people or stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing? In this candid recap, Lesley Logan and Brad Crowell dig into the highlights from the recent interview with Barb Betts, a powerhouse keynote speaker and author of The Relationship Advantage. With over 20 years of expertise, Barb's insights on choosing genuine connections over surface-level relationships will transform your perspective on your own identity. This episode explores the provocative idea that authenticity isn't about "doing" something new, but rather "undoing" the layers that aren't actually you.  If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co mailto:beit@lesleylogan.co. And as always, if you're enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.In this episode you will learn about:Building a relationship with yourself before connecting with others. Stop people-pleasing by undoing everything that is not you.Replace envy with curiosity to escape the comparison trap. Apply visibility, vulnerability, and relatability to build real trust. Release relationships that require you to show up inauthentically. Episode References/Links:Pilates On Tour® (London, UK) - xxll.co/pot      OPC Spring Training (Virtual Event) - opc.me/events   eLevate Mentorship Program - lesleylogan.co/elevate   Submit your questions or wins - beitpod.com/questionsBarb Betts Website - https://www.barbbetts.comThe Relationship Advantage by Barb Betts - https://therelationshipadvantagebook.comGetting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. - https://a.co/d/0dGm43Y3 If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSIDEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentCheck out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper's Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose, AG1 and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipmentBe in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlistBe It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-surveyBe a part of Lesley's Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/Resources:Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gLesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQProfitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/Follow Us on Social Media:Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-gFacebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilatesLinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses Episode Transcript:Lesley Logan 0:00  If you're not clear on who you are, you actually fill in these gaps you people, please, and then you're wondering, like, why you have relationships that, like, don't represent you, or don't feel right or don't fit, it's because you didn't know who you were, and you you brought that on yourself. Lesley Logan 0:14  Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. Lesley Logan 0:56  Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the candid convo I had with Barb Betts in the last episode. If you haven't listened to that one, you didn't hear it, and you're not gonna understand what we're talking about, but.  Brad Crowell 1:09  Well that's true. If they didn't listen to it, then they didn't hear it. Lesley Logan 1:11  Well, we're thrilled you're here. So if this you might, this might be the first, Be It hot episode.Brad Crowell 1:17  We're so happy that you're here. Lesley Logan 1:18  You know, it's taken 665 episodes. We didn't realize maybe this is the first one, and that's why you didn't listen to it. And I shouldn't say you fucking missed out, because, like, you're new. How would you know? So welcome. This is not what my voice normally sounds like. It doesn't normally sound like I'm on the brink of a sneeze, but I have a sinus stitch, and here we are. We are gonna while you're listening to this, we are in Europe, and we have to record these things early, and so we can't wait any longer. This is how it's gonna be. So stick around.Brad Crowell 1:46  That's true. Lesley Logan 1:46  It does get better than this. It's basically just it sounds less Lesley. Today is April 9th, and it's National Unicorn Day. Brad Crowell 1:53  That's right.Lesley Logan 1:54  You're fucking welcome.Brad Crowell 1:54  You are very welcome. National Unicorn Day.Lesley Logan 1:57  There are other days that we can celebrate. But, I mean, come on, hello. National Unicorn Day is a day to celebrate the most popular mythical creature ever. Why? Because if we don't take time to celebrate a beautiful horn, rainbow, printed mythical creature, then we're most definitely missing a trick. I don't think it's trick. You've been missing out. Brad Crowell 2:17  You're missing out.Lesley Logan 2:17  You're missing out. It's missing out. The unicorn is a symbol of happiness, fantasy and wonder. It's an icon of color, of childlike splendor and magic. They often make appearances on birthday cakes and children's clothing. And let's be honest, quite a lot of US adults still dig them, too. I mean, hello, my Lisa Frank people. My Lisa Frank people, I love you probably have as a tattoo, because adults need stickers too. National Unicorn Day is your chance to express some unicorn love. So show some color and delve into the magnificence of unicorns with us.Brad Crowell 2:47  No, we're saying that word one more time.Lesley Logan 2:50  Show some color and delve into the magnificence. Brad Crowell 2:54  That is the word. Take three. Yes, you did two times. Lesley Logan 3:05  Keep sake. Alright. Oh my gosh I wish you guys knew what I'm happy about. Anyways, leave it in. Delve into the magnificence. You guys, I have a bright yellow box, kind of like a pizza box size that my dad gave me a gift in and on my 41st birthday, maybe was my 40th birthday, probably, probably my 41st anyway, in front of everybody before I had ordered a drink. I just want to put that there. There's, we're at a bar, but I have not had a drink. So it's, we can't blame anything. We cannot blame it on anything. Lesley Logan 3:49  My dad hands me this gift, and it has words on the front, and Brad goes, What does it say? And I said, it says, Keep sake. And Brad is looking at upside down.Brad Crowell 3:57  I was upside down, and I was like, Is that what it says? And I read it. And I was like, try again.Lesley Logan 4:03  I said, keep sake.Brad Crowell 4:05  Like, hello, I'm reading it. Lesley Logan 4:07  I'm reading it. Brad Crowell 4:08  Keep sake.Lesley Logan 4:09  And he's like, you want to try that one more time? And I'm like, it says, keep sake. And it's Brad said, what does it say babe?Brad Crowell 4:16  Definitely says keepsake. Lesley Logan 4:17  Keepsake. Brad Crowell 4:18  Yeah, but we'll go with keep sake.Lesley Logan 4:19  Now, anyone who was there understands how hilarious it was and signs off all text messages to me. Keep sake. I want to frame it so bad. I just don't know that I got to do it anyways. Keep sake. Lesley Logan 4:33  All right, you guys. We're on vacation right now, so I don't know why you're not, but we are. We are somewhere in France, but we're going to see you very soon. If you are in London at POT check out.Brad Crowell 4:43  Yeah we're celebrating our 10th year anniversary, actually.Lesley Logan 4:45  Yes, we are. Brad Crowell 4:46  Decided to take some time off. Lesley Logan 4:47  It's actually the exact dates that we did our honeymoon 10 years ago. So, it is. We did it in March.Brad Crowell 4:54  Of 2016, holy cow.Lesley Logan 4:56  You didn't know I that's why I said it's our second honeymoon. Because it's the same time.Brad Crowell 5:00  You're totally right. It's 10 years after the first honeymoon. Lesley Logan 5:03  I know. Brad Crowell 5:03  Wow, amazing. I didn't even put that together. Incredible. Well, we are going to be in London next week. Or actually, hold on, today is the ninth so in like two or three days, we're gonna be at POT.Lesley Logan 5:12  No, we're literally on a train from Paris to London in this moment.Brad Crowell 5:16  Yes, in this exact moment, we are traveling underwater.Lesley Logan 5:20  That's what they say. So if you want to see us, if there's any tickets left, you want to go to.Lesley Logan 5:24  xxll.co/potLesley Logan 5:26  And it's just in case you're wondering, it's xx not excess, the letters. Brad Crowell 5:33  Yes, as in kiss, kiss, hug, hug, xx and LL, because we thought that was cute. Okay, after that, we're heading back home. We're going to be back in Vegas for spring training. Spring Training is with onlinepilatesclasses.com we love to call it OPC and we do an annual event. Yeah, you know me, we do an annual, annual event. This is called Spring Training. And this year it's all about getting upside down.Lesley Logan 5:57  Yeah. OPC members, it's free for you.Brad Crowell 6:00  Free for OPC members.Lesley Logan 6:01  If you're not an OPC member, you are missing out. I'm just telling you. It really is for Pilates lovers. It really is one of the best things you could subscribe to, because you can do it in addition to your other things, like it doesn't have to be your only thing, but we actually give feedback on your form, like for exercise you're struggling with. We have a really amazing community that answers lots of questions. We can support you on the equipment choices, all that good stuff, and we help hold you a candle to your Pilates practice. And we do this fun event. It's free if you're a member, and it's not free if you're not a member, so then you have to pay for it if you're not a member, so you're gonna go to opc.me/events. To get on the waitlist for that. Actually, probably right now you can sign up for it. And I don't know how much it is on this date, but it's available for you to register for. If you go to opc.me/events it should direct you to where that is.Brad Crowell 6:46  Yes, opc.me/eventsLesley Logan 6:49  And then at the time I'm recording this, there's five spots left in my mentorship program. Just five. It could be gone by now. I have no idea. Unless you want to go to lesleylogan.co/elevate if it's sold out, I'll say so on the website. And if it's not sold out, you can apply to be in the mentorship program. Once I've accepted all the applications and they have accepted their spots, it's you have to work on 2028. Oh, geez, that's far okay. Brad Crowell 7:16  Oh, don't sit on it. Lesley Logan 7:17  Oh, my God, do not. I don't wait that long to work with you. It's way too much fun.Brad Crowell 7:21  Yeah, right. Well, before we dig into this amazing conversation that you had with Barb Betts, we have a question. Today's question is from @marthanovera on YouTube, and she was commenting on the Teaching the Hundred to Beginners video. She said, Hey, amazing tips. Quick q, when preparing for roll ups, when you say you don't like arms holding behind the knees, would it be helpful to have the client let go and reach the arms forward as they curl to their lowest point? Would it be a useful prep for an actual roll up?Lesley Logan 7:55  Trying to picture what you're saying. Sorry, it's not you, Martha, it's it's my sinus medicine. Brad Crowell 8:01  Okay, so. Lesley Logan 8:02  I understand. Brad Crowell 8:03  You do understand. Lesley Logan 8:04  You're preparing for roll ups and I don't like when people hold behind the knees because they just use their arms, which is why I don't like it. I but I understand why a half roll up exists. I have it in my flash cards. I actually have information on how to best teach it. And if they're holding behind their thighs, like close to their knees, just wanna make sure that they're not using their arms to do it. But of course, they might need but, of course, they might need to. But is it helpful for them to reach forward as they curl their lowest point like so they let go? It could be, it might be extra to be honest. Here's the problem. People make Pilates too complicated. What I mean is like, okay, curl forward. Okay. Now, right there. Stop. Reach your arms forward and keep going.Brad Crowell 8:41  I think people like, whip up. They like, you know, to get up into that roll up. That's what I did at first, for sure.Lesley Logan 8:48  All right, so what I would say, Martha is, if they're not ready for the roll up, maybe we need to do other things. Maybe they need to do some pre Pilates work.Brad Crowell 8:56  Yeah, I was gonna say everybody's favorite elbow slip will really help with the roll up.Lesley Logan 9:00  That might even be too hard. Maybe they actually get. Brad Crowell 9:02  It's really hard. Lesley Logan 9:03  Honestly, look, if they don't have access to a Cadillac, that would be a bummer, because where I'm thinking they need to go is the half roll up with the roll back bar. Actually need to use the springs that help them go down and up, versus just working on themselves. I would also say stomach massage on the Reformer would be really great. I would say push down on the Wunda Chair can be really helpful. And if they don't have access to any of that equipment, Martha, then I would put them on the wall, and I'd practice the roll up at the wall. Clearly, something is tight and something is weak. So instead of trying to modify the roll up again and again until it's almost nothing, like the roll up, which is basically like borrowing cash off a credit card, which is the highest interest rate, makes it really hard to pay back whenever you use too much modifications. Are they ever going to be able to do the actual exercise? Ever, right? It's gonna take years, it's gonna take months. So I would say, put them at the wall and work on the roll down, up and down the wall. So they go put their back and then work on exercise that would stretch the front of their thighs and strengthen the back of their legs and then add the exercise back in. It's perfectly fine for them to skip it, get better at it. And I know that that sounds terrible. Sometimes people like I'm just trying to make Pilates accessible. I'm not saying don't make it accessible. What I'm saying is.Brad Crowell 10:14  Yeah, but there are building blocks here, and maybe you haven't built the foundation necessary to be able to do the roll up without either cheating or hurting someone, right, so.Lesley Logan 10:22  Correct and here's the other thing, you remember how. Brad Crowell 10:24  Not that you're hurting them, but they could hurt themselves. Lesley Logan 10:26  Training wheels work. They like, don't actually touch the ground. It's like, if you lean to one side, a training wheel touches the ground, right, catches you. Then I saw someone's training wheels that like, touch the ground, having training wheels that touch the ground on both sides. That kid is never riding a bicycle, ever. It's never gonna happen. So you have to actually make sure that you're not putting a tripod on a bike, versus actually something that will help them test the waters. Brad Crowell 10:51  It's a great visual. Lesley Logan 10:52  Thanks. I just came up with it. Now, how did I not think about that genius example? But another thing I'll just say is, like, not every exercise is for everybody at that time, and we have to understand that, like our job as the teachers who are teaching people is to make sure that we understand, by looking at a body what they're ready for, and then prepare them for what they're ready for. And for the clients, it is understanding that if you can't do an exercise yet, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It means that we actually have to find the connections to help you get there. And for whatever reason, this is completely normal at a gym. Like, no one would go, Oh, my God, I can't bench press. You've got to make this bar lighter. Rogue should make a lighter bar. No, they're like, here are some lighter dumbbells. Here is another way you could do push ups at the wall. There's like, all these different things. You take bands and you build up your flexibility and your abilities.Brad Crowell 11:47  It's like doing pull ups, right? Like, the same thing. This is a great these are great parallels.Lesley Logan 11:50  For whatever reason, at a gym, people are understanding that they have to build up their strength to do something. But in Pilates or even in yoga, I would argue, people are like, you should make the exercise possible, no.Brad Crowell 12:00  I mean, even when you are like, I can like, even when you're like, I got this, I can do a squat with 175 pounds. You don't, your first squat is not 175 pounds. You build up your bar to get to 175 pounds, even if you know you can already do it.Lesley Logan 12:15  Today, I Dave, I back squatted 120 pounds today. Brad Crowell 12:18  Did you just call me Dave? Lesley Logan 12:20  Babe. Brad Crowell 12:20  Oh, babe. Lesley Logan 12:21  What's this with the sinus infection sounds like Dave, but it's babe. Hey, babe. Hey, Dave, I back squat 120 pounds, which you know how much I started with? Brad Crowell 12:29  Tell me. Lesley Logan 12:29  65 pounds. Did three reps then I added 20 more pounds, 85 pounds, then I got to 105 and did six reps. Now I started my rounds, and I went to 110 then 115 120 why? Because you have to get your brain connected to it. And I just, I just want to say, like, for whatever reason, people like, oh, I have to make Pilates accessible to everybody. No, you have to make everybody ready for the exercise you're gonna give them. That is your job. If you're a teacher, that's your job. If you're a teacher, and if you're not doing that, then you're not helping people. You're just putting a tripod on their bike and going see you did it. You did Pilates. That, to me, is almost lying to them. Anyways. Now I'm on a ped, I'm on a fucking like.Brad Crowell 13:06  Now you're on your own tripod. Lesley Logan 13:08  No, what do you call those things? I'm on a pedestal. I'm not pointing fingers at people, Martha, I just want to say also. Brad Crowell 13:14  Your soapbox, you mean. Lesley Logan 13:15  My soapbox. That's what I'm on. Telling you guys the day will hit. Martha, I appreciate this question. I know it comes from a place of love and wanting your clients to get it, and I love that you're trying to be creative, and so I hope I'm not. I hope you don't feel like I'm like, attacking you. I just, I want to give you different perspective of how to think about readying your clients, and I hope that gives you some.Brad Crowell 13:34  I like it. I like it. Well, that's a great question. Martha, thanks for writing that in and feel free to keep writing in questions. If you have a question, text it to us at 310-905-5534. We also love to celebrate wins. If you haven't, if it is your first episode tomorrow will be Fuck Yeah Friday, and that's gonna be amazing, so.Lesley Logan 13:52  One of, one of, one of the people who sent a win in, they're like, I don't know if it's qualifies. They're in one of our they're like, an eLevate grad and like, I know if it qualifies as a win, but I heard my win on the FYFs today that I sent in, and it's been months since I've had that win, and being able to hear it and recelebrate that is another win.Brad Crowell 14:12  Well, if you have either a win or a question, you can also send it in at beitpod.com/questions be it pod.com/questions and we can't wait to celebrate yours, so stick around. We will be right back. We're going to talk about Barb Betts. Brad Crowell 14:28  Barb Betts is a keynote speaker, author and recovering real estate broker who turned an accidental speaking career into a full time role as a thought leader with over 20 years of experience, she helps professionals understand how relationships drive leadership, sales and long term success. She's the author of the relationship advantage, and is known for her practical, trust-centered approach to relationships, and I think her book has just come out. So we're really Barb. We've known Barb now for like, five or six years, and yeah, this is really exciting for her. So we're fired up.Lesley Logan 14:59  She's kicking ass.Brad Crowell 15:00  Yeah, fantastic. So one thing, oh, actually.Lesley Logan 15:02  It's my turn. Brad Crowell 15:03  It's your turn. Lesley Logan 15:04  I start. I always start. It's my turn. Brad Crowell 15:06  It's your turn. Lesley Logan 15:06  Yeah. She said, I love this so much. She said, to have a real relationship with anyone else, you first have to have relationship with yourself. You guys, this is like. Brad Crowell 15:14  This is like, this is like, mic drop moment, boom.Lesley Logan 15:17  Y'all. This is, like, every time I have people in my life who complain about the people who are dating, gonna go, there's something wrong with you, because you, if you keep attracting people, like one of our friends today, I'm excited for them, but like, I saw online that they're just talking about, like, this is the third person that's ghosted me, and it's like, why do you people three people in a row ghost you like what are you putting out in the world? Because one person goes to okay, that like lightning strikes once in a while, but like, three there's something going on there. So she mentioned that relationships are a mirror of yourself, you're only capable of building a relationship with someone else to the capacity you have one with yourself. So she also argued the biggest problem we have in life is we're trying to build relationships with others, and we don't even know who we are. So we show up to these relationships. Inevitably, we people please and present an inauthentic version of ourselves. And I have a series coming up on I think it's listening to your inner self. And I brought up a book called Getting the Love You Want. And I also just want to say, I have no idea if it ages well. I have no idea if that person's like a real marriage counselor. But there's this thing about in the book that talks about how when you get into a new relationship with anybody.Brad Crowell 16:28  Harville Hendrix. Lesley Logan 16:30  You, you fill in all of your holes, so to speak, you fill them in, but you think that the other person you're with fill them in, and then in a few months, when you're exhausted and tired, you don't fill them in anymore. And then you're like, you've changed. And it's like, actually, you changed because you were filling those things and you were presenting an inauthentic version of yourself. And so I just think that, like, what if you are someone who's wanting new friendships, new relationships, better clients, you know, Barb's big thing is that, like, if you have really great relationships, you can have great longevity in your business and things like that. But if you don't know who you are, you're not going to be attracting people that you want in your life, whether they're clients, friends, a romantic partner, any of that kind of stuff. You gotta know who yourself is.Brad Crowell 17:07  Harville Hendrix is a doctor. Lesley Logan 17:09  Okay, great. Brad Crowell 17:10  So they have a PhD. I have no idea in what, but it's Dr Hendrix. So yes. Lesley Logan 17:15  Yeah, I remember it being great. I also only read the first chapter. I kind of got the point. Do you ever do that you're like. Brad Crowell 17:29  I'm like, okay, got this chapter, I see where, yeah, this is like, ADHD. Am I finishing your sentences? How about I finish your book in the first, I'm like, got it.Lesley Logan 17:39  But, but I will just say, like, I appreciate that thought. And it comes to this, it's like, if you're not clear on who you are, you actually fill in these gaps, you people please. And then you're wondering, like, why you have relationships that, like, don't represent you, or don't feel right, or don't fit, it's because you didn't know who you were, and you you brought that on yourself.Brad Crowell 17:57  Yeah. Well, I got really into when she was kind of dissing the word authenticity, yeah, even though the irony is, she wants people to be authentic, and she also she acknowledged that, and she said that, but she said her big beef with it is the word authenticity is like so overused, and it's also under explored. And she said she critiques the common self-help mantra of just be yourself, you know? And she argues that to be is a verb, that the verb to be is inherently performative, right? Comparing it to deciding what to be for Halloween or when you grow up, right? So if we are going to, like, I think the Halloween parallel is perfect, like, I am going to be Iron Man for Halloween, and you're like, putting on a costume to be Iron Man for the night, but then we're also told to be authentic. And we're like, okay, I gotta, like, be authentic in this moment coming up right now, but like, in my real life, am I actually authentic, or am I putting on the costume of authenticity for this thing? I'm gonna go do whatever, right? And so I think that that was, like, that was really intriguing to me, because she said, that's, I think, how most people are thinking about it, like, okay, I got to put on my two my authenticity hat. Now, you know, she said, authenticity is not about doing anything. Authenticity is about undoing everything that is not you. Lesley Logan 19:16  I love that, and I think that that makes it a lot easier.Brad Crowell 19:18  Another mic drop moment, like, I seriously, there was some, like, really deep stuff in this episode with Barb, and she was just casually throwing out these, like, epic topics. I was like, whoa. Let's dig into that more. She started talking about comparison, and she said, comparison is actually the thief of authenticity. When you're comparing, you are now all of a sudden, adding things into your life that are not you. But if authenticity is about undoing everything that isn't you, then comparison is really the number one trap. But if you compare yourself to someone else for different reasons, you're running a race, you cannot win. She advised that to we need to reframe comparison by replacing envy with curiosity, right, which I love. Wow. Look at them. How are they doing what they're doing? Yeah, you know, rather than feeling defeated by someone else's success, we should view them as showing us that there's a path that's possible, or maybe even literally showing us the path. Oh, I could do that too, right? You know, and how you could achieve it your own way. So I just thought it was powerful. Really, really concisely well said. Lesley Logan 20:19  I mean, we've been listening to Barb talk about building great relationships for a really long time and so does that see her be able to put in a concise book that anyone because she does this on speaking. But when are you gonna go see or speak you'd have to be at one of those speaking places, right? And like, this is something anyone can use. And I think, like, I love the word authenticity, like it's a value that we have at our company, a value that I think is really important, but I agree with her, I is overused and under explored. It's kind of like the word Pilates. Gonna be really honest, it's very similar, like, I do Pilates, but most of the time, people tell me that I'm like, oh, and then I'm like, where do you do it? And they're like, I do it over this place. And I'm like, those aren't even reformers. Why is the room hot? What are we doing? Oh, and you're and your shoulders hurt later, you're not doing Pilates. But I don't want to be the person who tells them that, like, like, that's just an annoying thing. So I kind of feel like I understand, and I love Pilates, and I love being authentic. So I feel it's a predicament. I'm in a I'm in a conundrum.Brad Crowell 21:20  Conundrum. Yeah, it's something we have to remove. All right. Well, anyway, we will be right back. We're going to dig into some Be It Action Items that you covered with Barb Betts, stick around. Brad Crowell 21:30  All right. So finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Barb Betts. She said there are three things that have to be present to have a real relationship with others and even with yourself. She calls it the VVR formula, visibility, vulnerability and relatability. VVR. So visibility, are you actually showing up and being present? Visibility, are you actually showing up and being present. She links this to a really interesting law called propinquity, which I have never looked up and thought that was interesting. She said that the greater proximity increases the chance of a relationship. So if you're not in the room, you can't have a relationship.Lesley Logan 22:15  Oh, that's kind of like how Hinge, the dating app, used to start. It was based on if someone had ever been in a location that you've been to? That's how Chris and Laura got together. They both went to some area in Century City Mall, crazy. She shopped there, and his office was down there. And so they're like, you two are near each other some of the time. Brad Crowell 22:33  Love that. Well, yeah. So visibility, obviously. Vulnerability is the second thing. And I thought, again, this was another really powerful thing. And she said, there has to be some level of vulnerability in your life with other human beings. So are you willing to say, I don't know the answer to that? Or text someone and just be like, Hey, I was just thinking about you. I miss you, right? And there's that is being vulnerable. And when you do that, it really does, like let them know that they're special, that they're they care. So you know, by being vulnerable, you're helping connect the dots, and it builds relationships. The third is relatable relatability. You have to have a point of connection or common ground. She believes that this is often something forced, that people are forcing right? I mean, you know, it's like, I think actually people who get in a relationship and they they say things like, Oh, we love the same music and movies and all this kind of stuff, but, like, that's the only things that are a part of it. There's got to be more the vulnerability is, like, super important, you know, and honesty and trust and, of course, all those other things. But relatability is a definitely the beginning. It will help jumpstart all these conversations and all these things, but you know, if you're forcing it, you're not being vulnerable.Lesley Logan 23:52  I mean, that's yeah, that's kind of it. Brad Crowell 23:54  Yeah. She emphasized that if you don't have these three things, then you won't build a relationship.Lesley Logan 23:59  Yeah. I believe that. Brad Crowell 24:00  Yeah, what about you? Big takeaway. Lesley Logan 24:02  Okay, stop hiding. Let your walls down. Let people in. Admit you're not perfect. Admit where you know your vulnerabilities are. Pay attention to how you feel on social media. Pay attention to what you're looking out and how you're comparing yourself to others. I mean, these are great things to like even journal on. They kind of help with what you were talking about before, first of all, if you're listening to this podcast, you're already admitting you're not perfect. You've been listening to us. I sound like a fucking shit right now. I sound like a Bakewell. But I also think, like, when you admit those things, it you don't have to pretend, and you you can just, it doesn't mean you get to like, it's like a bus pass to like, being an asshole, but you can just be like, like, I am not an organized person. I'm not I It's not something I'm going to learn to do. I put things down. I don't put them away. I'm not a dirty person. I'm a messy person, you know. So I that means I have to know that those are my things, and I need people in my life who will put things away or keep things out of my hands so I can't fuck it up, you know. You just have to know these things. And if you do feel like shit when you're watching social media, stop doing it. One of my clients, she just, social media doesn't make her feel good, so she doesn't have any account. She just, she's like, I just, like, I have no idea what's going on, and that's okay, because, like, honestly, like, I don't it wasn't helping. The benefits of being in on, like, whatever is something that is like people are talking about don't outweigh the negatives of how I feel about myself when I watch it. So I think this is really important. And I I understand if you've been hurt before, it's hard to let your walls down, but you waiting for someone to be trustworthy enough to let your walls down. Guess how you do that? You trust them. You have to like, let your wall like the way it works you have to let your walls down first so you can trust them. Let your walls down. That's how it goes. So if people suck, go find new people. I also just want to say, like, I love.Brad Crowell 25:49  Burn those relationships or not relationships, because they're not relationships. Lesley Logan 25:54  No, I think, like, I love how Barb talks about, like, building authentic relationships. I made big fan of just like (inaudible) just don't go like, I'm amazed at how many friends you have from like, different parts of your life, and like. Brad Crowell 26:05  Who, me? Lesley Logan 26:06  Yeah, and I have I, if I saw those people in a place right now, I would not avoid them. I would absolutely go, oh my god, hi from high school, if I to be honest, and no offense even from high school, if I recognized you. I really didn't know who I was in high school, so I don't know, like, who you remember, because probably, but like, I would just say, like, I don't have those but I wouldn't be like, Oh, I don't talk to those people anymore. It's just like, I outgrew those things because I got to know myself more, and it's not a slight to them. It's just like, you keep going. So it's okay to let relationships go, if you have to show up inauthentically to be in them, yes, and I think that that's really important information, you know.Brad Crowell 26:47  I think, I think that's worth saying again, you know, like, and I it's something I struggle with, is letting a relationship go, you know, because, for me, I value relationships really highly. But I love the idea that if you have changed to the point where being in a relationship with a friend or even a family member means you have to be inauthentic to be in that you're allowed to hit pause, you know. So yeah, and it's gonna be healthy for you in the long run, and it is something that we have to protect ourselves, you know? Because, like, think about this. We talk about this all the time. When we let our friends or family, we tell them our dream, and then they shit all over it, and then we take that seriously, you know? And it's like, like, we all know that that has happened, but also too, like, clearly, there's a discord there. Doesn't mean we're firing those friends, but the point is that if we are aware, conscious enough that we should protect our dreams when we're sharing them. You know, in that way, it's also okay as you shift, change and grow. If you have to, like, pretend to be your old self to be in a relationship with someone, maybe you move on.Lesley Logan 27:53  Well, I'll just say, like the other day we were at, not the other day, the other day, but a while back, we were at an event, and I saw some people in person for the first time in six, seven years in our industry, and I used to handle the lot, and there was just a few different times they showed me, kind of like, who they were and how I needed to be in their relationship with them. And they're not bad people by the way. They just their needs and how they want to be and what they want to talk about, are things that are not something I want to do, and how I'd have to be in a conversation with them is not authentic to me. And I went up, I hugged them, I genuinely said, how are you what's going on? And they did vague, this is what's going on, even like they were not vulnerable, no. And what they did say was like. Brad Crowell 28:39  I literally know the conversation you're talking about. Lesley Logan 28:42  They were like, they were like, kind of pumping up whatever it was they were doing in a very like, I'm over here and this is over here. And I was like, yeah, I'm really glad that I'm saying hi, and I'm so glad that over the last six years we haven't been in contact, because, like, who they want me to be in that conversation is not who I am and I have voiced multiple times things that, like, I was like, ooh, I don't really like this, X, Y and Z, yeah. And guess what? So I voiced it. They didn't want to hear it, or they don't care, or they don't see it that way. You have to be a negative. It's just like, it's, we're different. And I think.Brad Crowell 29:15  But this comes back to knowing yourself. So because you know yourself, it allows you to be like, ooh. Lesley Logan 29:20  Yeah. So because of that, so it was great to just have a check in. Like, oh, did I let something go? Was it me? No, actually, we are oil and water and that is okay, and we can exist as balsamic and oil. Sometimes they're great on bread. Sometimes, there's gonna be people who glad that we're both at the exact same event, but I don't have to pour myself into their bowl for the for it to.Brad Crowell 29:45  To finish the metaphor. Yeah, love it. Awesome. Lesley Logan 29:47  All right. I'm Lesley Logan. Brad Crowell 29:48  And I'm Brad Crowell. Lesley Logan 29:49  You guys are amazing. I just am so grateful for you. Thanks for sticking it out with this voice. I hope that we record in a couple of days better. If it's not, you're gonna keep. Listening anyways, because you love me and we are hopefully really helpful, and so you're gonna leave a review, too, me hypnotizing you leave a review show this with a friend who needs to hear it. Until next time, go Be It Till You See It. Brad Crowell 30:10  Bye for now. Lesley Logan 30:12  That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.Brad Crowell 30:54  It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.Lesley Logan 30:59  It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.Brad Crowell 31:04  Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.Lesley Logan 31:11  Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.Brad Crowell 31:14  Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.Lesley Logan 31:27  There's a gnat that is just like. Brad Crowell 31:29  I know I tried to kill him twice on my screen without shaking my camera.Lesley Logan 31:32  Flying around my face. I feel like that dog today. I'm like. Gonna wash my hair after this.Brad Crowell 31:44  Yeah, the more you keep touching it, the more amazing it looks on camera.Lesley Logan 31:53  Yeah, what is happening? Okay, that's pretty good. Nope. Do I look like a unicorn?Brad Crowell 32:09  Yes, you are always a unicorn babe. Okay, ready? Okay, let's talk about Barb. Betts. Barb is a keynote speaker, author and recovering real estate broker who turned and we are on a roll. All right, let's start that over. Brad Crowell 32:38  She said there are three things that you have to have to be present. Sorry. She said there are three things that you have to be present to have. This is fucked up. There are three things that have to be oh, that not you. It's just have to be present. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Does No Contact Work on a Separated Spouse?When a spouse pulls away, giving space can feel like the safest move. But when the relationship is already damaged, no contact often does not rebuild anything and can leave you losing valuable time. In this episode, Coach Jack explains why common pursuit behaviors create more rejection and what helps your spouse feel better about contact instead.What You'll Learn:How to tell when giving space protects a relationship versus when it stalls reconciliationWhy no contact does not make a separated spouse miss you if love, trust, or goodwill are already lowHow needy or persuasive communication increases stress and pushes your spouse further awayWhat kind of gradual, non-pushy reconnection helps rebuild positive contactWant to Work With Coach Jack?If you want help rebuilding connection without creating more rejection, Coach Jack's Re-Connections Coaching Package is designed to help you take the right steps at the right pace. It can help you communicate in ways that reduce pressure, increase safety, and support genuine reconnection.Key Takeaways:Space can reduce damage, but it does not rebuild a relationship by itself.No contact only works when your spouse already fears losing you.Pursuit and persuasion create rejection.Reconnection requires positive interaction.Your spouse must feel better, not worse, after contact.Additional Resources:Trial Separation blog post by Coach JackOvercome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhDRe-Connections Coaching PackageFree DownloadsWork one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

 How to Reconcile When Your Wife Is Angry and Doesn't Trust You When your wife stays angry and distrustful, it is easy to push harder with logic, apologies, or pressure and end up making the distance worse. This episode helps you understand what may be driving her anger and how to respond in ways that lower defensiveness, rebuild trust over time, and keep you from giving up too soon.What You'll Learn: How to recognize different reasons your wife may be angry or unable to trust you  What to do when reassurance, logic, or repeated apologies are making things worse  How boundaries can reduce destructive patterns without becoming threats or pressure  What rebuilding connection looks like when trust has been deeply damaged Want to Work With Coach Jack? If you want help applying these principles in a steady, practical way, Coach Jack's Re-Connections Coaching Package can help you rebuild connection, improve your responses, and create the consistency needed for trust to grow again.Key Takeaways: Feelings have to be addressed at the emotional level, not argued away with logic.  Anger and distrust can come from insecurity, punishment, self-protection, or emotional detachment.  Reassurance given on demand can strengthen unhealthy testing patterns.  Boundaries work best when they are loving, consistent, and never used as threats.  Rebuilding trust usually starts with empathy, validation, connection, and time. Additional Resources: Re-Connections Coaching Package  Overcoming Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhDFree downloads to help your spouse enjoy talking with you againWork one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

Why Is My Spouse Becoming Cold and Distant from Me?When a spouse feels cold or distant, it is easy to react with more pressure, more honesty about frustrations, or repeated attempts to fix the problem. Those responses often increase defensiveness and emotional distance instead of rebuilding closeness. In this episode, Coach Jack helps listeners look at what may be driving the distance and how to replace unhelpful patterns with behaviors that create safety, connection, and steadier progress.What You'll Learn:How to tell whether the distance may be tied to stress, substances, health issues, an affair, unavailability, or needy behaviorHow to identify relational blind spots that may be pushing a spouse further awayHow to replace criticism and arguing with behaviors that protect closeness while still addressing problemsHow to make gradual, practical changes that help a spouse feel more loved, valued, and emotionally safeBuild a Closer Relationship With Your Spouse: The Re-Connections Coaching Package helps you respond to distance in ways that can improve connection, rebuild emotional safety, and create more closeness in your marriage. It is designed to help you know what to say and do to increase your spouse's desire for you.Emotional distance often has more than one possible cause.Waiting passively rarely improves disconnection.Criticism and arguing can reduce love and closeness.Positive requests, validation, and boundaries are stronger alternatives.Small, consistent changes can create meaningful improvement.Additional Resources:Overcome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhDCoaching ConsultationsContact PageWork one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

Join My Weekly Newsletter - https://www.thechrisgeisler.com/midweekmedicine*Join WHISPR - https://ref.wisprflow.ai/christopher-geisler*My Top 20 Books Every Man Needs To Read: https://bit.ly/3NnVqNzSven Loss is a relationship and transformation coach dedicated to helping people build healthier relationships with themselves and others. After facing his own struggles with self worth, confidence, and unhealthy relationship patterns, Sven began a deep personal journey of inner work, learning from coaches, therapists, and leading practitioners. Today he guides clients through emotional healing, self awareness, and breaking unconscious patterns so they can experience authentic connection, mental freedom, and more fulfilling relationships.====== SVEN LOSS =====IG ▶ https://www.instagram.com/sven_loss/WEBSITE ▶ https://svenloss.com/====== CHRIS GEISLER ======WEBSITE ▶ thechrisgeisler.comMEN OF EARTH ▶ www.menofearth.co.ukMENS Community ▶ https://www.menofearth.co.uk/innercircle====== PODCAST ======Support The Podcast: https://www.patreon.com/thechrisgeislerWhatsapp Communty: https://t.me/thechrisgeislerpodcast=======TIMESTAMPS=======0:00 - Intro00:16 - Why Is Self Worth Overlooked?03:39 - How Long Do You Need To Be In A Relationship Before You Know It's Not Right?05:09 - What Is Chemistry In Relationship?08:21 - Why We Attract The Same Unhealthy Patterns12:26 - What To Do If You Are Stressed In Relationship18:56 - How To Be More Present To What Is?21:46 - Seth's Backstory25:43 - Not Feeling Enough And What Happens In Relationship31:57 - Healing The Nice Guy41:19 - Inner Child Healing48:10 - How Do You Create Freedom?53:12 - Those Who Can't Feel Pain, Can't Love55:28 - Finding Faults And Avoidant Tendencies59:48 - Being Loved Beyond Belief Heals Everything

Ep. #185 Capacity Matching: The Love You Want vs. The Capacity You HoldThis one hits different if you're ready to reflect.Ask yourself:Where have I limited the love I actually want?Where am I holding patterns that no longer align?This episode is about expanding your capacity to receive the love you're capable of holding, whether you're single, divorced, widowed, or whatever the case may beReal Conversations. Deep Impact.The Psychology of Repetition: Why you keep attracting the same “type,” how familiarity drives attraction, and how attachment patterns quietly shape who you bond with.Shifting from Compatibility to Capacity Matching: There's a difference between your potential and your current relational ceiling. When capacity is unmatched, connection turns into strain, admiration turns into resentment. Feminine Flow & Masculine Expansion: The feminine and masculine principles.  Dating in 2026: The Cultural Reality: Economic pressure, digital dating fatigue, AI illusion, emotional burnout, trauma awareness without healing, and the paradox of too many options.When You Outgrow Someone: Why some relationships end due to not matching capacity, not “toxicity”. What happens when one partner evolves, and the other doesn't?For all things mentioned and all things "The Zen Effect Show" ⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://thezeneffectshow.komi.io⁠

 How To Talk To Your Spouse About Problems Without Starting A Fight When every attempt to bring up a problem turns into defensiveness, arguing, or shutdown, it's easy to stop trying or to push harder and make things worse. Common “clear communication” tactics can backfire in a strained relationship because they feel like criticism or control, even when they're meant to help. In this episode, Coach Jack explains a calmer, more effective way to raise issues while protecting emotional connection and increasing cooperation over time.What You'll LearnHow to bring up a problem in a way that reduces defensiveness and keeps your spouse emotionally engagedHow to prepare the relationship so requests land better and don't trigger a fightHow to choose the right timing and wording so the conversation feels natural instead of threateningHow to use a simple win-win method (and a Plan B) so problems actually get solved instead of repeatedWant to Work With Coach Jack?If you want step-by-step help applying this approach to your specific situation, Coach Jack can help you build healthier connection, improve communication, and address hard issues without escalating conflict. The best starting point is the Difficult Partner Coaching Package, which focuses on ending a spouse's damaging behavior and building respect.Key TakeawaysDirect “I statements” can still trigger defensiveness when the relationship is strained.Strengthening everyday connection often needs to happen before problem talks.Talk about problems when both of you are relaxed, not while the issue is happening.Lead with validation and keep the conversation natural and low-pressure.Solve one issue at a time using a win-win plan, and use boundaries when discussion won't work.Additional ResourcesOvercome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhDConnecting Through "Yes!" by Jack Ito PhDLove Language Quiz12 Ways  to Revive Your Love for Your SpouseWork one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

Start Your 14-Day Free Trial to the All-Access Pass and Keep the Master the Dating Stage of Relationships Course for Life as a Free Bonus. https://offer.personaldevelopmentschool.com/valentines-day?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=valentines-day&utm_medium=organic&utm_content=pod-02-14-26&el=podcast Do You Actually Want Love… Or Do You Just Want to Be Chosen? The feeling of not being chosen by someone you deeply care about can feel devastating. But what if the real wound isn't about love at all? In this powerful episode, Thais Gibson breaks down the deeper subconscious pattern behind the need to be chosen and how it may be rooted in unresolved childhood experiences. You'll learn why this pattern keeps repeating, what healthy love is actually supposed to feel like, and how to finally shift out of chasing and into secure connection. Episode Summary The desire to be chosen often masks something much deeper: a subconscious belief that being selected equals worthiness. When this pattern forms in childhood through not feeling fully seen, safe, or special, it can show up later as chasing emotionally unavailable partners or investing in people who don't fully choose you. In this video, you'll uncover the five pillars of healing this wound, including understanding your subconscious comfort zone, recognizing how you may be recreating unresolved childhood experiences, and learning how to truly choose yourself first. Because the truth is: healthy love is not supposed to feel like auditioning. Key Takeaways • Why not being chosen feels so painful and grief-oriented • How wanting to be chosen can stem from childhood experiences • The difference between conscious desire and subconscious programming • Why we subconsciously choose familiar (even painful) dynamics • What secure love is actually supposed to feel like • How choosing yourself rewires your subconscious comfort zone • Practical steps to begin healing and building self-alignment Timestamps 00:00 – The Feeling of Not Being Chosen 01:27 – 1. Think of a Time When You Wanted to Be Chosen 03:36 – 2. The Desire to Be Chosen Is a Recreation of an Unresolved Childhood Event 05:16 – 14-Day Trial Promo 06:06 – 3. We Choose What to Invest in From Our Subconscious Mind 09:12 – 4. Love Is Not Supposed to Feel Like That 11:24 – We Heal This When We Learn to Choose Ourselves 12:32 – 5. In Order to Change, You Have to Start With Your Subconscious Comfort Zone 14:51 – Steps to Heal Meet the Host Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and a world leader in attachment theory. With a Ph.D. and over a dozen certifications, she's helped more than 70,000 people reprogram their subconscious and build thriving relationships. Helpful Resources:

What to Do When Your Wife Wants to Divorce and Be FriendsWhen your wife wants to divorce but still be friends, it can feel confusing and heartbreaking. Trying to reason with her or become a better husband often only reinforces her belief that this "best of both worlds" plan will work. In this episode, Coach Jack explains the mindset behind her decision and how men can respond in a way that protects both their marriage and their dignity.What You'll Learn:How to recognize and interrupt your wife's “divorce and friendship” fantasyWhy self-improvement and pursuit often backfire in this situationWhat boundary-based strategy can shift her mindset without pushing her awayHow to avoid common mistakes that sabotage reconciliationWant to Work With Coach Jack? If you're ready to reconnect with your wife in a way that rebuilds desire and respect, Coach Jack's Re-Connections Coaching Package can help you become the kind of man she doesn't want to lose—without chasing or convincing her.Key Takeaways:Women often pursue divorce with friendship due to misplaced hope, not despairStaying friends after divorce only works short-term and often leads to regretClear boundaries—not ultimatums—help her face the real cost of divorcePursuit and emotional appeals typically reinforce her decision to leaveYou must be secure enough to say no to friendship while still being kindAdditional Resources:Re-Connections Coaching PackageOvercome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhDFree Communication EbookWork one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

(Episode #320) If love has been messing with your nervous system lately, you're doing the work, you know your worth, yet the pattern keeps repeating, you didn't miss your moment. You didn't miss “the one.” You're not behind. You're exactly where you're supposed to be.In today's Valentine's Day episode, I'm taking you behind the scenes of my January (including a major timeline moment), the collective numerology forecast for February 2026, and answering your love + relationship questions. From emotional unavailability, to calm love feeling scary, to trusting divine timing when it hasn't unfolded the way you thought it would by now, I've got it all for you.In this episode, we talk about: (00:00) Life and Business Updates and What You Can Expect (22:16) Personal Year 8: Learning What It Means To Be A Leader (31:05) February Numerology: How Communication and Expression Shape The New Cycle (36:22) Why do you keep attracting emotionally unavailable people?(42:08) Can you deeply love someone who isn't your life partner?(44:19) How do you trust divine timing when love hasn't shown up yet?Join the Pajama Party! http://zoeygreco.com Take my FREE quiz! What's your intuitive style? Discover your unique intuitive gifts with my free quiz: http://zoeygreco.com/quizMeet me in the studio. Watch this full episode and see all the magic unfold on YouTube: https://youtu.be/WEnnKyHVCP4Did you love this episode? The Higher Self Hotline Team lovingly asks for your support! We'd be eternally grateful if you'd rate, review, and subscribe! We want to make sure you never miss a dose of divine guidance.If this conversation resonated with you, we hope you share it with someone you think would connect with the message. Stay connected with us and your higher self! Follow Zoey on socials. Connect with Zoey here: Instagram: @thezoeygrecoTikTok: @thezoeygrecoWebsite: ZoeyGreco.comAudio Editing by:Mike Sims | echovalleyaudio.comContact: echovalleyaudio@gmail.com

How to Stop Your Wife from Complaining All the TimeDoes it seem like the more you do for your wife, the more she complains? Trying harder to please her often leads to more frustration and less connection. In this episode, Coach Jack shows how to stop the cycle of reacting or explaining and instead use your wife's complaints as an opportunity to build connection and create real change.What You'll LearnHow to respond to complaints without defending, fixing, or reassuringWhat makes your wife's criticism intensify and how to stop reinforcing itHow to identify whether a complaint is valid, partially valid, or invalidA simple pattern to turn any complaint into a chance for connection and growthWant to Work With Coach Jack? Working with Coach Jack in the Difficult Partner Coaching Package can help you build consistency with new skills that improve connection and reduce conflict with a difficult spouse. You'll learn how to respond in ways that create lasting change in your relationship.Key TakeawaysReasoning with complaints usually makes things worseEmotional validation stops rewarding negative behaviorFrustration from lack of reaction leads to less complainingBehavior change is more powerful than verbal reassuranceComplaints can lead to connection and better solutions when handled correctlyAdditional ResourcesConnecting Through “Yes!” by Jack Ito PhDOvercome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhDCoaching PackagesWork one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

Heal Yourself So You Can Finally Have The Love You Want w/Valerie GreeneValerie Greene, a renowned relationship coach, mentor, and author who would be an outstanding guest for your show!Valerie specializes in helping successful couples break free from patterns of attracting unavailable partners, guiding them toward the love they truly deserve. Her approach transforms relationship challenges into opportunities for deeper intimacy, with emotional attunement as the cornerstone of lasting love. Valerie's insights are sure to resonate with your audience, who are eager to cultivate more fulfilling relationships.Since 2005, Valerie has been helping women and couples attract, reignite, and sustain lasting love. She offers an effective alternative to traditional relationship therapy by fostering secure emotional connections. Her expertise has been featured on numerous relationship podcasts, consistently leaving audiences with transformative insights.Links:https://coachvaleriegreene.com/free-strategy-session/https://www.instagram.com/val_greene/Tags:Anxiety,Communication,Conflict Resolution,Dating Advice,Emotional Intelligence,Human Emotion Expert,Intimate Relationships,Love,Marriage,Relationships,Live Video Podcast Interview,Podcast,Phantom Electric Ghost PodcastSupport PEG by checking out our Sponsors:Download and use Newsly for free now from www.newsly.me or from the link in the description, and use promo code “GHOST” and receive a 1-month free premium subscription.The best tool for getting podcast guests:https://podmatch.com/signup/phantomelectricghostSubscribe to our Instagram for exclusive content:https://www.instagram.com/expansive_sound_experiments/Subscribe to our YouTube https://youtube.com/@phantomelectricghost?si=rEyT56WQvDsAoRprRSShttps://anchor.fm/s/3b31908/podcast/rssSubstackhttps://substack.com/@phantomelectricghost?utm_source=edit-profile-pageIntroduction

Use Boundaries the Right Way Without Pushing Your Spouse AwayIntro When boundaries don't work, they often make conflict worse or quietly increase distance. Many people either use boundaries too early or turn them into rules that provoke resistance. This episode helps listeners understand how to use boundaries in a way that protects the relationship while restoring love and respect.What You'll LearnHow to tell the difference between boundaries that heal connection and boundaries that push a spouse awayWhen boundaries are effective in marriage and when they are likely to backfireHow to sequence self-change, connection, and boundaries for lasting improvementWhat healthy boundaries look like in real, everyday situationsWant to Work With Coach Jack? If using boundaries feels confusing or emotionally difficult, working with Coach Jack can help bring clarity and confidence. The Difficult Partner Coaching Package can you get more respect and love from your spouse.Key TakeawaysBoundaries work best in relationships where connection is already being rebuiltBoundaries are actions under personal control, not rules imposed on a spouseUsing boundaries too early can increase resistance instead of changeConsistency and calm follow-through matter more than explanationsAdditional ResourcesOvercome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhDSocial Skills QuizWork one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

 Hope for Your Marriage: When to Hold On, When to Act, and What Actually Helps Intro: When your marriage feels uncertain, fear of wasting time or facing more rejection can keep you stuck and anxious. Common reactions like waiting, pushing for talks, or relying on feelings often make things worse instead of clearer. In this episode, Coach Jack explains how to assess real hope, take the right kind of action, and move forward without losing yourself in the process. What You'll Learn:How to tell the difference between false signals of hopelessness and the real indicators that matterHow matching and mismatch affect attraction, connection, and long-term viabilityWhat actions increase the chances of reconciliation without creating resistance or rejectionHow to decide your next step with more clarity and less fearWant to Work With Coach Jack?: If you want clarity about whether your marriage can improve and what path makes the most sense, a one-on-one Coaching Consultation with Coach Jack can help.  Coach Jack also offers other coaching options designed to support people at different stages of uncertainty and rebuilding.Key Takeaways:Feelings alone are unreliable for deciding whether to keep tryingMatching values, attitudes, and behaviors is central to reconciliationTaking early, low-resistance action improves outcomesOne person's behavior can change the trajectory of a marriageProgress comes from focusing on the next step, not the entire outcomeAdditional Resources: Overcome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhD - Often the first step to reconciling.Connecting through "Yes!" by Jack Ito PhD - Helps with validating those hard to agree with things a spouse might say.Work one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

 No Contact or Low Contact? Get it Right for Reconciling with Your Spouse When a husband or wife becomes rejecting, distant, or checked out, most people respond by increasing contact, reassurance, and attention. But that often makes things worse. In this episode, Coach Jack explains how the right amount of contact can create desire, rebuild connection, and help a spouse become willing to work on the marriage again.What You'll LearnWhy too much contact pushes a rejecting spouse even further awayHow “low contact” creates desire without triggering resistanceWhen to initiate, how long to interact, and when to end the interactionHow to become someone your spouse doesn't want to loseWant to Work With Coach Jack?If you're trying hard but your spouse is pulling away, Coach Jack can help you rebuild connection using the same process he teaches in this episode. Learn how to use low contact, enjoyable interactions, and attraction-building to restore your marriage with Coach Jack's  Re-Connections Coaching Package. Additional Resources:Recommended Book: Overcome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhD Recommended Podcast: Does Giving Space or Going No-Contact Help to Reconcile?Recommended Quiz: Social Skills Quiz (Needed Skills for Marriage Improvement)Work one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

The Yearbook Journal ❤️

Difficult Spouse? Get Improvement without Conflict (Part 1: Taking Charge)When your spouse is critical, blaming, or distant, trying to fix them usually makes things worse. In this episode of Reconciling Marriages with Coach Jack, learn why direct confrontation fails—and how taking charge of your own behavior can bring lasting change without conflict or resentment.What You'll Learn:Why trying to fix your spouse leads to more fightingHow to take responsibility without taking the blameWhy therapy often backfires for difficult spousesHow to use reconciliation coaching principles to regain influence in your marriageWant to Work With Coach Jack? If your spouse's behavior is wearing you down, but you still want a loving marriage, reconciliation coaching can help. Learn how to rebuild desire, respect, and connection even when your spouse won't cooperate. Difficult Partner Coaching Package.Key Takeaways:You can't change your spouse by arguing or explaining.The healthiest partner has the most power to create change.Coaching focuses on doing better, not just feeling better.Your behavior determines how your spouse feels about you.Stop needy behaviors like criticism, complaining, or arguing to restore connection.Additional Resources:Book: Overcome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhDBook: What to Do When He Won't Change, by Jack Ito PhDQuiz: What's Your Conflict Style?Work one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

This week's episode features iconic relationship expert Harville Hendrix, PhD. We'll discuss his work in Imago Therapy and seminal book, Getting the Love You Want (A Guide for Couples). Harville Hendrix, PhD began his career as a therapist and educator at the Pastoral Counseling Center of Greater Chicago in 1965 where he was Clinical Director He received his doctorate in Psychology and Theology in 1970 and became a member of the faculty of Perkins Divinity School at Southern Methodist in Dallas, Texas where he taught for nine years. In 1979 he entered private practice as a therapist. In 1977, Harville met Helen LaKelly Hunt and they married in 1982. They are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, a couple's therapy and co-authors of three New York Times best sellers (Getting the Love You Want-(4 million copies); Keeping The Love You Find, and Giving The Love That Heals), Receiving Love, and Making Marriage Simple and six other books on relationships Imago Relationship Therapy has been featured on the Oprah Winfrey show seventeen times, one of which won for her the "most socially redemptive" award for daytime talk shows. It has also been featured on many other major television shows, in countless radio shows, newspapers and major magazines. Harville and Helen founded the Institute for Imago Relationship Therapy to train therapist in the Imago process and to develop workshops for couples and singles. Later called the Imago International Training Institute, which was forty faculty members, the institute has trained over 2500 therapists who practice Imago Relationship Therapy in over 60 countries and nearly 200 workshop presenters who conduct workshops around the world. These Imago professionals founded Imago Relationships Worldwide for professional growth and development and created an international Imago community. In 2015, Harville co-founded, with Helen, an organization called Safe Conversations LLC. This training institute teaches a relational intervention based on the latest relational sciences that can help anyone shift from conflict to connection. Harville and Helen believe that Safe Conversations can contribute to a more relational world, with more gender and racial equity. To that end, the aim of SC LLC is to teach Safe Conversations, over the next 30 years, to 3.2 billion people (the tipping point of world population in 2050) with the intention of facilitating that shift from our current "individualistic" civilization to a relational civilization, the fourth stage in human social evolution.

Can Your Marriage Be Saved? What Really Determines ReconciliationIs it too late to save your marriage? In this episode of Reconciling Marriages with Coach Jack, listeners will discover why a spouse's current feelings, words, or even intent don't determine whether reconciliation is possible. Coach Jack explains what really matters—and how anyone can begin taking the right steps to rebuild, even if things look hopeless right now.What You'll LearnWhy a spouse's current feelings don't decide the future of a marriageThe key factors that actually determine reconciliation successHow to avoid the damaging behaviors that make reconnection impossibleWhy reconciling is like starting a fire in the rain—and how the skill can be learnedWant to Work With Coach Jack? If you still have contact with your spouse, reconciliation is possible. Coach Jack's Re-Connections Coaching PackageKey TakeawaysA spouse's words today don't predict tomorrow's actionsReconciliation depends on skills, consistency, and disciplineLuck has nothing to do with it—methods and effort doStarting small and building step-by-step is the only real way forwardHalf-hearted attempts won't work; it takes full commitmentAdditional ResourcesOvercome Neediness and Get the Love You Want, by Jack Ito PhD- Stop the behaviors that are driving your spouse away.How to Rebuild Your Marriage in 7 Steps - A podcast to help you not skip steps when you are working on reconciling.Work one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

Are you Blocking the Love you Want?

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2695: Tonya Lester challenges the traditional timeline of relationships by unpacking the emotional and psychological layers behind the question “Should we get married?” She offers a deeply reflective guide for couples to explore their inner motivations, values, and past wounds, helping them make a conscious and grounded decision about commitment. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.tonyalester.com/blog/should-we-get-married Quotes to ponder: "Marriage is not a prize for being in love; it is a particular structure that requires a particular set of traits and values." "If we are still in a dynamic where we are trying to prove we are ‘enough' for the other person, then we may be trying to use marriage to validate ourselves." "If you are trying to earn worthiness or avoid abandonment through marriage, it will not work." Episode references: Getting the Love You Want: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797 Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love: https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2695: Tonya Lester challenges the traditional timeline of relationships by unpacking the emotional and psychological layers behind the question “Should we get married?” She offers a deeply reflective guide for couples to explore their inner motivations, values, and past wounds, helping them make a conscious and grounded decision about commitment. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.tonyalester.com/blog/should-we-get-married Quotes to ponder: "Marriage is not a prize for being in love; it is a particular structure that requires a particular set of traits and values." "If we are still in a dynamic where we are trying to prove we are ‘enough' for the other person, then we may be trying to use marriage to validate ourselves." "If you are trying to earn worthiness or avoid abandonment through marriage, it will not work." Episode references: Getting the Love You Want: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797 Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love: https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week's episode features iconic relationship expert Harville Hendrix, PhD. We'll discuss his work in Imago Therapy and seminal book, Getting the Love You Want (A Guide for Couples). Harville Hendrix, PhD began his career as a therapist and educator at the Pastoral Counseling Center of Greater Chicago in 1965 where he was Clinical Director He received his doctorate in Psychology and Theology in 1970 and became a member of the faculty of Perkins Divinity School at Southern Methodist in Dallas, Texas where he taught for nine years. In 1979 he entered private practice as a therapist. In 1977, Harville met Helen LaKelly Hunt and they married in 1982. They are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, a couple's therapy and co-authors of three New York Times best sellers (Getting the Love You Want-(4 million copies); Keeping The Love You Find, and Giving The Love That Heals), Receiving Love, and Making Marriage Simple and six other books on relationships Imago Relationship Therapy has been featured on the Oprah Winfrey show seventeen times, one of which won for her the "most socially redemptive" award for daytime talk shows. It has also been featured on many other major television shows, in countless radio shows, newspapers and major magazines. Harville and Helen founded the Institute for Imago Relationship Therapy to train therapist in the Imago process and to develop workshops for couples and singles. Later called the Imago International Training Institute, which was forty faculty members, the institute has trained over 2500 therapists who practice Imago Relationship Therapy in over 60 countries and nearly 200 workshop presenters who conduct workshops around the world. These Imago professionals founded Imago Relationships Worldwide for professional growth and development and created an international Imago community. In 2015, Harville co-founded, with Helen, an organization called Safe Conversations LLC. This training institute teaches a relational intervention based on the latest relational sciences that can help anyone shift from conflict to connection. Harville and Helen believe that Safe Conversations can contribute to a more relational world, with more gender and racial equity. To that end, the aim of SC LLC is to teach Safe Conversations, over the next 30 years, to 3.2 billion people (the tipping point of world population in 2050) with the intention of facilitating that shift from our current "individualistic" civilization to a relational civilization, the fourth stage in human social evolution.

How to Keep Your Marriage Strong and Avoid Divorce Many couples don't fail because they stopped loving each other—but because they stopped doing the right things. In this episode of Reconciling Marriages with Coach Jack, you'll learn what it really takes to maintain a strong, loving relationship—and why most people wait until it's too late to start. Whether your marriage feels stable or is starting to slip, this episode will show you how to stop the decline and build lasting connection.What You'll LearnWhy your effort—not your spouse's personality—determines your marriage's successThe core daily skills every strong marriage depends onThe truth about emotional openness (and why it often backfires)How to stay desirable and connected even in long-term relationshipsWant to Work With Coach Jack? If your spouse is pulling away, waiting won't help. Learn how to rebuild connection with a no-conflict, step-by-step approach that meets your spouse where they are emotionally. Click here to get started with Coach Jack's Re-Connections Coaching Package.Key TakeawaysYou only get to keep what you prioritizeDoing what works matters more than doing what feels naturalDaily connection matters more than occasional “deep talks”Giving comes before receiving in relationshipsAppearing relaxed, friendly, and desirable has more impact than being “honest” when upsetAdditional ResourcesOvercome Neediness and Get the Love You Want (book) – Learn how small daily actions build long-term connectionFree Downloads - Learn how to help your spouse to enjoy talking with you again.Work one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A couple therapist, speaker, author, professor,podcast host, and media personality, Dr. Alexandra is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity,and authenticity to their relationships. She is a clinician educator and a frequent contributor to academic journals and research, and she translates her academic and therapeutic experience to the public through her popular and vibrant Instagram page, which has garnered over 200Kfollowers. She is an adjunct professor in the School of Education and Social Policy atNorthwestern University and is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice. Her hit podcast, Reimagining Love, has reached listeners across the globe and features high-profile guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture. She is the award-winning author of Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You                     Want, Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, and Love Every Day: 365 Relational Self-Awareness Practices to Help Your Relationship Heal,Grow, and Thrive. You can visit her online at DrAlexandraSolomon.com and on Instagram at @dr.alexandra.solomon.

Do you ever feel like you and your spouse have the same arguments and it feels like Groundhog's Day? Today we will unpack why that happens and hopefully offer some relief to get you off the repetitive cycle.  Let me know your biggest takeaway. Also, feel free to reply to this email if you're interested in more info on the letter writing. I'm having so much fun with it and loving sharing it with others. You can sign up for the training here:  https://tinyurl.com/PaidPerLetter2025 Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let's Connect! Here's where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

427. Is Work Stress Sabotaging Your Relationships? | Dr. Alexandra Solomon Renowned relationship expert, Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, returns to help us navigate one of the most common—and least talked about—sources of relationship tension: our careers. From ambition clashes and invisible labor to money resentment and the stress we carry home, Dr. Solomon helps us understand how our work lives can deeply affect our love lives. -The most common work-related conflicts couples face—and how to navigate them-What happens when ambition in one partner sparks resentment in the other-How invisible labor and internalized gender roles impact equality and pride in the home-How to preserve intimacy when you're constantly together (or apart)-Why work stress doesn't stay at work—and how to keep it from wrecking your relationship Resources from Dr. Solomon for the Pod Squad related to our conversations: dralexandrasolomon.com/hardthings. Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A licensed clinical psychologist in private practice, couples therapist, speaker, author, and professor, Dr. Alexandra is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity, and authenticity to their relationships. She is the host of the Reimagining Love Podcast and author of Love Every Day, Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want and Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you fun? Do you have a spark in your eye or are you just a sad sack? You put on your dating face. Your interview face. You're all excited and lighthearted at first. Then what the fuck happens? You turn serious. You start complaining. You focus on what's not happening instead of asking yourself - does this actually work for me? If your happiness depends on external circumstances, you are screwed. In this episode, Tracy explores: * Why we go from fun to fucking serious when expectations aren't met * How much you complain about the person or job (that's your clue) * What happens when you lose your sense of humor * Why everything doesn't have to be your way * How to stop sacrificing your wellbeing for stories in your head "You have a choice. You do. Stop giving up your happiness in favor of trying to change someone else or feeling stuck in a prison you made." ~ Tracy Crossley

Is your inner child secretly running your business and ruining it? Elite leadership coach Annie Yatch is back to expose the hidden saboteurs holding you back. From childhood patterns to business plateaus, we break down how self-sabotage wrecks your success and how to fix it fast.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE   The hidden patterns sabotaging your growth  Proven ways to rewire your mindset for high performance A powerful morning habit to reconnect with your purpose How to identify the childhood beliefs that keep you stuck Why strong home relationships fuel stronger leadership   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. | Kindle and Paperback   Grab the FREE PDF “7 Phrases to Lead at Home and in the Boardroom” from Annie Yatch, perfect for navigating conflict and leading with impact. Want it? DM her on Instagram at @northstarleadership.annie to get your copy!   ABOUT ANNIE YATCH Annie Yatch is the founder and CEO of NorthStar Leadership (also known as Northstar Leadership School), a transformative coach and speaker who has built three 7-figure businesses and guided hundreds of clients, CEOs, entrepreneurs, and executives to break through trauma-driven behavior and unlock their potential. A Georgetown School of Foreign Service alum with a master's in International Security and Counterterrorism, Annie blends her background in elite training with a deep understanding of trauma-informed leadership. Featured in DEALFlow CEO magazine and a guest on podcasts like Freedom Chasers, Flip Empire, Be Inspired Mama, and Rick Jordan's “Trauma Limits Success,” she equips leaders with the tools to confront subconscious blocks, foster authentic confidence, and sustainably scale their impact, helping them “find their light, face their shadows, and step into their most successful life yet.”    CONNECT WITH ANNIE Website: NorthStar Leadership  Instagram: @northstarleadership.annie   LinkedIn: Annie Yatch    CONNECT WITH US: If you need help with anything in real estate, please email invest@rpcinvest.com  Reach Ron: RP Capital Leave podcast reviews and topic suggestions: iTunes Subscribe and get additional info: Get Real Estate Success Facebook Group: Cash Flow Property Facebook Community Instagram: @ronphillips_ YouTube: RpCapital Get the latest trends and insights: RP Capital Newsletter

The sisters are thrilled to welcome Dean Spade to the show! He has been working to build queer and trans liberation based in racial and economic justice for the past two decades. He is a professor at the Seattle University School of Law and author of the new book, Love in a Fucked Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell, Together.Dean and Autumn and adrienne discuss holding anxiety in your body, literally touching and flirting with trees, the most exciting thing on your horizon, giving eachother what we need, self-authorizing, the dangers of isolation, why we become relationship monsters, love as a psychedelic journey, how our childhoods play into our patterns, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, everyone needing good, quality attention, the exclusivity spell, normalizing jealousy, locating our personal sore spots and whether we're gonna be able to move together enough to stop these ecocidal maniacs bent on killing us all!---⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TRANSCRIPT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠---⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SUPPORT OUR SHOW⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Endoftheworldshow---HTS ESSENTIALS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SUPPORT Our Show on Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Endoftheworldshow⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠PEEP us on IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/endoftheworldpc/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠

In this conversation, Nina and Dr. Alexandra Solomon explore the nuanced differences between secrecy and privacy in relationships, emphasizing the importance of trust and communication. They discuss how technology has changed relationship dynamics, the impact of childhood experiences on adult behavior, and the necessity of understanding emotional needs in partnerships. The dialogue highlights the significance of approaching sensitive topics with curiosity rather than accusation, fostering a deeper connection between partners. In this conversation, Nina and Dr. Alexandra explore the complexities of vulnerability in relationships, the importance of understanding boundaries and privacy, and how healthy privacy can enhance intimacy. They discuss the significance of emotional safety and the need for couples to invest in connection and fun to maintain a strong relationship. The dialogue emphasizes self-awareness and the impact of past experiences on current relationships, providing insights into navigating challenges and fostering growth.00:00: Understanding Secrecy vs. Privacy in Relationships02:56: The Evolution of Relationship Dynamics06:00: The Impact of Technology on Trust08:56: Navigating Privacy and Secrecy11:55: Childhood Influences on Relationship Behavior15:11: Effective Communication in Relationships19:45: Navigating Vulnerability in Relationships24:43: Understanding Boundaries and Privacy28:31: The Role of Healthy Privacy in Intimacy35:55: Investing in Connection and Fun in RelationshipsAlexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today's most trustedvoices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness hasreached millions of people around the globe. A couple therapist, speaker, author, professor,podcast host, and media personality, Dr. Alexandra is passionate about translating cutting-edgeresearch and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity,and authenticity to their relationships. She is a clinician educator and a frequent contributor toacademic journals and research, and she translates her academic and therapeutic experience to the public through her popular and vibrant Instagram page, which has garnered over 200Kfollowers. She is an adjunct professor in the School of Education and Social Policy atNorthwestern University and is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice. Her hitpodcast, Reimagining Love, has reached listeners across the globe and features high-profileguests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture. She is the award-winning authorof Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships YouWant, Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want,and Love Every Day: 365 Relational Self-Awareness Practices to Help Your Relationship Heal,Grow, and Thrive. You can visit her online at https://dralexandrasolomon.com/ and on Instagramat @dr.alexandra.solomon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we dive into the heart of one of the most important questions we can ask: What is love, really? Not the fantasy you were taught. Not the version shaped by social media. But the kind of love that holds you, expands you, and grows over time. That steady, deep, real love.You'll learn:The 8 most common myths that quietly sabotage your ability to receive real, lasting loveHow to know if you're wired to resist the love you say you want — and what you can do to shift itThe unexpected ways you may be pushing away healthy connection (even when you think you're ready for it)How to tell the difference between what feels exciting and what's truly alignedWe'll also explore what love isn't—and how recognizing these patterns can free you to experience a love that's sustainable, soulful, and aligned with who you truly are.If you're single and wanting to call in healthy love, or in a relationship that you want to take deeper, this episode is for you.WORK WITH JENELLE:If you're feeling the pull toward soul-deep, secure love—and you're tired of repeating the same painful cycles—I offer private 1:1 mentorship designed to help you shift from survival mode into real, lasting connection.

Have you ever had a conversation where it seemed like you and the other person kept misunderstanding one another? At some point, it may have even felt like you were speaking two different languages. This is a challenge that pops up in many marriages—after all, there's a reason why people say men and women could be from different planets!Teaching others how to have safe conversations is a passion of ours, as this skill has played a big role in taking our marriage to the next level. You may have heard us teach about this topic if you've done coaching with us or attended one of our No More Perfect Marriages Seminars. Today, we're honored to speak with two professionals whose work has significantly shaped the way couples everywhere approach healthy dialogue.Harville Hendrix, Ph.D, and Helen Hunt, Ph.D., are the creators of Safe Conversations®, a training institute focused on relational intervention. They are the co-authors of three New York Times bestsellers, including Getting the Love You Want, which has sold over four million copies. Married for over 40 years, they have six children and seven grandchildren, and they split their time between Dallas and New York City.In this episode, you'll hear:Why it's important to listen more than we speakThe elements of a safe conversationTwo things you can try during your next “negative” conversationAnd more!We are thrilled to have gotten the opportunity to sit down with the two people who laid the groundwork for our understanding of safe conversations!Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: jillsavage.org/hendrix-hunt-241Check out our other resources: Mark and Jill's Marriage Story Marriage Coaching Marriage 2.0 Intensives Speaking Schedule Book Mark and Jill to Speak Online Courses Books Marriage Resources: Infidelity Recovery For Happy Marriages For Hurting Marriages For Marriages Where You're the Only One Wanting to Get Help Mom Resources: New/Preschool Moms Moms with Gradeschoolers Moms with Teens and Tweens Moms with Kids Who Are Launching Empty Nest...

396. Can You Change Your Partner? With Dr. Alexandra Solomon   Renowned relationship expert, Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, joins to explore a common dilemma in relationships: determining when to accept a partner's behavior and when to advocate for change – and what role you typically play in this dynamic. -How to become a real-life power couple -Whether you're the changer or accepter role in your relationship -How your childhood could be playing out in your relationship -The importance of understanding your role in relationship dynamics Resources from Dr. Solomon for the Pod Square related to our conversations: dralexandrasolomon.com/hardthings. Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A licensed clinical psychologist in private practice, couples therapist, speaker, author, and professor, Dr. Alexandra is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity, and authenticity to their relationships. She is the host of the Reimagining Love Podcast and author of Love Every Day, Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want and Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Patreon/Supercast Special Release - Taking Sexy Back: A Journey to Empowerment with Dr. Alexandra Solomon This is a sneak peek of our episode with Dr. Alexandra Soloman - available only on our Premium Supercast and Patreon platforms. For as little as $5/month you can have access to special releases like this one, first-to-know about upcoming events and discounts and an ad-free feed. Click here to join & finish the episode!! Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Alexandra Solomon discuss her book 'Taking Sexy Back,' exploring the intersection of gender and sexuality, the impact of societal messages on women's sexual experiences, and the importance of self-advocacy in relationships. They dive into the complexities of desire, body image, and the influence of patriarchy on both men and women - emphasizing the need for emotional awareness and connection in intimate relationships. Explore the evolving landscape of sexuality across generations and the impact of online dating and pornography on sexual experiences. "We are taught to serve, to focus on others, but we need to notice our own feelings." - Dr. Alexandra Solomon Time Stamps for Taking Sexy Back: A Journey to Empowerment with Dr. Alexandra Solomon (261) 02:47 The intersection of gender and sexuality 11:52 Impact of body image on desire 14:52 Patriarchy's influence on men and women 17:55 Emotional complexity in masculinity 28:05 The impact of pornography on sexual experiences 36:45 Embodiment and mindfulness in sexuality 41:50 Exploring pleasure and connection in relationships About our Guest - Dr. Alexandra Solomon Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A couple therapist, speaker, author, professor, podcast host, and media personality, Dr. Alexandra is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity, and authenticity to their relationships. She is a clinician educator and a frequent contributor to academic journals and research, and she translates her academic and therapeutic experience to the public through her popular and vibrant Instagram page, which has garnered over 200K followers. She is an adjunct professor in the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern University and is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice. Her hit podcast, Reimagining Love, has reached listeners across the globe and features high-profile guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture. She is the award-winning author of Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want, Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, and Love Every Day: 365 Relational Self-Awareness Practices to Help Your Relationship Heal, Grow, and Thrive. Find Upcoming Events here!! Special Featured event: Ann and Sue are deep diving into clinical application of their work at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium - March 20-23, 2025. It's an incredible conference - they'd love to see you there! Rethinking Attachment – Using the Attachment Spectrum in Clinical Practice    Our Beyond Attachment Styles course is available NOW! Learn how your nervous system, your mind, and your relationships work together in a fascinating dance, shaping who you are and how you connect with others. Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A's   Integrative Attachment Therapy Course Information Therapists: THIS is our recommended course experience for the most comprehensive training on attachment out there. Use our link for a discount! Thanks for stopping by & for being on this journey with us! 

The people you attract are mirrors of your subconscious beliefs. In this video, I'll show you how to rewire your energy, heal deep patterns, and finally attract the right connections. Have you joined the High Vibe Tribe yet? its my new free community! I go live and do free workshops and meditations in there, join here! https://www.skool.com/highvibetribe/a...

Hey, Sister-friend

From January 8, 1993: Oprah interviews self-help author and Oprah Show regular guest Harville Hendrix, who teaches us how to make our relationships not only last longer, but become happier. He talks about overcoming trust issues, childhood wounds appearing in adulthood and how marriage is a structure for healing. He also works with several couples on making their love last and discusses his books Getting The Love You Want and Keeping The Love You Find. Oprah explains how Getting the Love You Want helped improve her relationship with Stedman Graham. Of Harville's work, Oprah says, “I saw relationships not solely as the kind of romantic pursuit our society celebrates, but as a spiritual partnership that's meant to change how you see yourself and the world.” Harville is a New York Times best-selling author, international speaker and couples therapist with more than 40 years of experience as an educator, clinical trainer and lecturer who has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show 17 times. 

Unlocking Relationship Secrets: Communication, Childhood Patterns, and Dating Advice with Michelle Bohls Michellebohls.com About the Guest(s): Michelle Bohls is a seasoned licensed marriage and family therapist with over 15 years of experience in her field. Prior to her therapeutic practice, Michelle worked with executives to help them navigate career changes and build effective teams. She is part of an international faculty teaching "Imago," a system of relationship intelligence based on the bestselling book "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix and Helen Kelley Hunt. Michelle is deeply passionate about exploring topics such as intuition, money relationships, and romantic connections. Her insights into human interactions have helped countless individuals and couples lead more fulfilling lives. Episode Summary: In this enlightening episode of The Chris Voss Show, host Chris Voss welcomes Michelle Bohls, an expert in relationship intelligence, to discuss the core principles of building sustainable and meaningful relationships. Michelle shares insights from her extensive experience as a marriage and family therapist and touches on themes from the book "Getting the Love You Want." As the conversation unfolds, listeners are treated to a deep dive into understanding the dynamics of personal belief systems, communication challenges, and childhood influences that impact adult relationships. Michelle's expertise provides invaluable guidance for couples and singles alike, offering strategies to foster healthier connections. The episode covers essential topics surrounding relationship dynamics and personal growth. Through candid discussions, Chris and Michelle address common pitfalls in communication and the unconscious belief systems that often dictate our emotional responses and relational patterns. Michelle underscores the importance of understanding unmet needs rooted in childhood experiences, which she likens to a GPS guiding individuals' life choices. This knowledge empowers listeners to embark on a journey of self-discovery, offering them the tools to make more conscious and rewarding relationship decisions. Key Takeaways: Understanding Relationship Dynamics: Recognizing the influence of childhood experiences and unmet needs on adult relationships is crucial for fostering meaningful connections. Communication as a Skill: Effective communication is more about genuine listening and understanding rather than just solving problems or fulfilling one's own agenda. Belief Systems and Personal Development: Our belief systems, developed early on, play a significant role in how we perceive relationships and navigate life changes. Navigating Modern Dating Challenges: The current dating culture involves overcoming option overload and focusing on genuine connections instead of superficial interactions. Building Awareness and Initiating Change: A conscious approach to relationships, supported by tools such as therapy or workshops, can significantly improve personal and relational well-being. Notable Quotes: "Most couples are struggling with an attitude problem… You should be perfect. You should meet all my needs." - Michelle Bohls "Understanding what shaped us early on, what are these needs that were not met… that is operating like a GPS." - Michelle Bohls "Relationships are supposed to be a team sport… when love shows up fully ready to meet your needs, you're like, hmm, no, I gotta pass." - Michelle Bohls "We unconsciously create our greatest fears… we recreate the patterns that we lived through early on unconsciously." - Michelle Bohls "A weekend workshop is great… uncover the trauma buried pretty deep and work through it in a supportive environment." - Michelle Bohls

Chapter 1:Summary of Getting the Love You Want"Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix is a self-help book focused on improving romantic relationships. The book presents the idea that many conflicts in relationships stem from unmet childhood needs and patterns that influence adult behavior. Key Concepts:1. Imago Relationship Theory: Hendrix introduces the concept of "imago," which refers to the unconscious image we carry of our ideal partner based on our early childhood experiences. This image often leads us to select partners who reflect our caregivers' traits—both positive and negative.2. Conflict in Relationships: Conflict arises when partners act out unresolved issues from their past. These patterns can lead to misunderstandings and dissatisfaction in relationships.3. Healing Through Communication: The book emphasizes the importance of conscious communication. Hendrix introduces tools like the "Imago Dialogue" process, which helps couples communicate effectively and empathetically, allowing for deeper understanding and connection.4. The Power of Empathy: By fostering empathy, couples can bridge emotional gaps and support each other's healing processes. The book guides readers in developing this crucial skill.5. Revisiting Childhood Wounds: Hendrix encourages couples to explore their childhood experiences and how they impact their current relationship dynamics, promoting healing and growth.6. Learning to Appreciate Differences: The book highlights the value of recognizing and appreciating differences in partners, encouraging a mindset that views challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats. Practical Tools:- Imago Dialogue: A structured communication technique that involves listening and reflecting back what the partner has said to ensure understanding.- Exercises and Worksheets: The book includes various exercises designed to help couples apply the concepts and improve their emotional connection.Overall, "Getting the Love You Want" serves as a practical and insightful guide for couples seeking to deepen their understanding of each other, enhance their communication, and foster lasting intimacy.Chapter 2:The Theme of Getting the Love You Want"Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" is a self-help book by Harville Hendrix, designed to help couples understand and improve their relationships through a variety of techniques and insights. While it is not a narrative work with a traditional plot, it presents key ideas about relationship dynamics, personal growth, and emotional healing. Here are some key points regarding its content: Key Plot Points (Conceptual Framework)1. Understanding Your Childhood Influence: Hendrix explores how early relationships with caregivers shape our expectations and behaviors in adult romantic relationships. Couples are encouraged to identify their childhood wounds and how these affect their current partnerships.2. The “Imago” Concept: Central to the book is the idea of the "imago," which refers to the unconscious template we develop based on our early relationships. This template influences whom we are attracted to and how we behave in romantic relationships.3. The Stages of Relationships: Hendrix outlines the various stages couples go through:- Romantic Love: Initial infatuation that evolves into deeper connection.- Power Struggle: When differences emerge and conflicts arise.- True Love: Reaching a mature connection where understanding and acceptance flourish.4. Communication Techniques: The book teaches specific communication tools, such as the "Imago Dialogue," to enhance understanding and empathy between partners. This structured communication aims to reduce conflict and promote emotional safety.5. The Role of Intentionality:...

Have you ever needed to have a conversation but felt terrified to carry it out? I'm sure that like all of us, you have. The sad thing is that few of us ever learned how to have difficult conversations. Fear not—help is here! Two people who are experts at dealing with difficult conversations are the guests on this very episode. They are no strangers to this topic, nor are they strangers to SuperPsyched! They are none other than the powerful duo of Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Many years ago, they wrote the classic book Getting the Love You Want. I give this book out frequently to people at my practice and it yields great results. And Harville has been on the Oprah Winfrey show several times, the first of which became the episode that led Oprah to her first Emmy Award! You will hear in this interview how these two masters of couple therapy have applied their tool called Safe Conversations to any type of potentially dangerous conversation: at the workplace, at home, or with friends talking about political differences that might get heated! I like thinking of Safe Conversations as being personal protective equipment to handle potentially combustible topics! Their new book is called How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations. I loved the book and was blown away by how applicable their technology for having Safe Conversations can be to any relationship. So, listen in and learn how Harville and Helen can help you talk to anyone about anything.

Are you unknowingly sabotaging your own happiness when it comes to dating and love?In this moment, #1 Love Coach and bestselling author Matthew Hussey uncovers the surprising ways our instincts can lead us astray in love.Press play to discover: the flawed mindset that often misguides our instincts, the common misconceptions of having “high standards” in dating, and why shifting your focus to how you truly feel — rather than what your ego dictates — can transform your love life.Listen to the full episode: Apple - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/573-1-love-coach-this-is-the-secret-to-a/id1196106699?i=1000653349421 Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7GOTjCfvGIGIE3QJDQy6FM?si=38e9481673f24b23 Hey, do you follow the show? It's the simplest, easiest way to show your support and for us to keep getting more epic humans on the show for you. If you feel called, please hit the follow button and leave a review. I would be so grateful.Get full show notes and links to all resources here: www.melissaambrosini.com/573 Want mentoring from Melissa? Join SheLaunch: www.shelaunch.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to know the best relationship advice no one has ever told you before? In today's episode, Mel is revealing the one rule about relationships you must know.There is a game-changing framework that will help any relationship go the distance, and once you hear it, you'll want to share it with everyone you know. It reveals why some relationships fail, and it also gives you the secret to sustaining a strong and successful relationship.Here to explain this “4 Levels” framework is New York Times bestselling author Matthew Hussey.Matthew has been helping people for more than 17 years to feel more confident and in control of their relationships. His YouTube channel is number one in the world for love life advice, with over half a billion views.By the end of today's episode, you'll know when it's time to let go of a relationship, when it's worth fighting for, and the 4 habits of all successful relationships.For more resources, including links to Matthew Hussey's new book and his videos, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, you'll want to listen to this one next: 3 Simple Ways to Get the Love You Want.Connect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel's newsletter Disclaimer

In this episode, I have the absolute honor of welcoming legendary relationship experts Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt. I had to pinch myself when I met them – it was a full circle moment for me. I found Harville and Helen's work at a time in my life when I was deeply confused about relationships. I didn't know why I was so good at talking about everything but my feelings. I didn't know why I chose the people I chose or was the way I was. Harville and Helen's work and their book gave me context to my personal relational patterns and a framework for relating better. In this episode, Harville and Helen discuss the transformative power of dialogue in relationships and the importance of curiosity and open-mindedness. We explore the complexities of emotional healing and self-awareness in relationships, the concept of unconscious attraction in romantic partnerships, and how childhood needs and experiences shape adult behaviors and relationships. Tune in for a profound conversation that will surely impact the way you relate in your life moving forward. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally respected as couple's therapists, educators, speakers, activists, and New York Times bestselling authors, their 10 books, including the timeless classic, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times! Helen was installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. They have six children and eight grandchildren. —Harville & Helen's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/ —Harville & Helen's Website: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ —Harville & Helen's Website | Safe Conversations: https:/quantumconnections.com —Harville & Helen's Website | Imago Relationship: https://imagorelationships.org/ —Harville & Helen's Book: Getting the Love You Want: https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/getting-the-love-you-want/ —Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick: https://youtu.be/vmE3NfB_HhE?si=QivHWP9_jREexK3s&t=34 If you want to dive deeper into Mark's content, search through every episode, find specific topics we've covered, and ask him questions, go to his Dexa page: https://dexa.ai/markgroves Themes: Authenticity, Belonging, Breakups, Relationships, Boundaries, Self-Worth, Self-Love, Health, Codependency, Dating, Attachment Theory, Transformation, Conflict, Parenting, Mental Health, Dialogue, Curiosity, Childhood Experiences, Unconscious Attraction, Relationship Development, Self-Awareness, Self-Care, Collaboration This episode is sponsored by BON CHARGE: Use code MARKGROVES to save 15% at http://boncharge.com/MARKGROVES Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Original Air Date: March 28, 2003Oprah Winfrey Show: Oprah sits down with author and couples therapist, Dr. Harville Hendrix to discuss his book Getting the Love You Want. We hear from two couples who were on the brink of breaking up. They spend two intense days with Dr. Hendrix applying techniques from his book to hopefully turn their relationship around. Want more podcasts from OWN? Visit https://bit.ly/OWNPods  You can also watch Oprah's Super Soul, The Oprah Winfrey Show and more of your favorite OWN shows on your TV! Visit https://bit.ly/find_OWN   

In this episode, you'll learn what true love really is, along with 3 simple ways to start getting the love you want. Today, you'll learn the art & science of giving and receiving love.You'll get simple tools for all kinds of love: romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, mentorship, and even the smallest, simplest daily acts of love. You'll also learn: The most controversial thing ever said on The Mel Robbins Podcast.The truth about love. (and an entirely new way to think about it)How to instantly shift any relationship for the better.The #1 relationship study of all time: Mel breaks down the takeaways for you.3 things you can do, immediately after listening, to boost your happiness and well-being.How the Law of Reciprocity creates a powerful ripple effect.This person made a huge difference in Mel's life. (and will change yours, too)The secret to inspiring and motivating any person. (yourself included)  For more resources, including links to all studies mentioned, and to go deeper into the themes in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page. Follow Mel: Get Mel's free 29-page workbook to make this your best yearWatch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel's newsletter  Disclaimer