Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

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Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But t…

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa


    • Jun 23, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekly NEW EPISODES
    • 1h 49m AVG DURATION
    • 512 EPISODES
    • 17 SEASONS

    4.6 from 324 ratings Listeners of Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast that love the show mention: chrono trigger, final fantasy, boner jokes, fable, ix, rpg fans, mana, fresh eyes, rpgs, square, favorite games, vanessa, wheel of time, playing along, play along, play games, rpg podcast, roots, matthew, julian.


    Ivy Insights

    The Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast is an absolute gem in the podcasting world. It's a show that brings together a group of friends who share a genuine love for gaming and creates an incredibly accessible and entertaining format. Each episode begins with a "Level Up" segment where they check in on each other's lives, followed by detailed analyses of gameplay in the "Quest Log" or its game-specific version. They wrap things up with an analysis of the game in the "Squarely Against" segment. The chemistry between the hosts is evident, and their passion for both gaming and each other shines through the audio. This podcast truly feels like being part of a family.

    One of the best aspects of this podcast is how accessible it is to both new listeners and longtime fans. Whether you're starting from the beginning or jumping into a series you know well, you'll feel right at home. The hosts have a knack for finding hidden gems among classic RPGs, making even unfamiliar games enjoyable to listen to. Their high energy and natural rapport make it easy to get invested in their discussions and feel like you're part of their friend group.

    However, there is one downside to this otherwise fantastic podcast. In some episodes, when one host tries to discuss a particular topic (in this case Taskmaster), they are interrupted or talked over by others. While this may be disappointing for fans interested in that specific topic, it doesn't detract from the overall enjoyment of the show. Hopefully, they will address this issue in future episodes.

    In conclusion, The Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast is an absolute delight for gaming enthusiasts and podcast lovers alike. With its hilarious and entertaining hosts, diverse range of games covered, and engaging format, it's hard not to fall in love with this show. Whether you're revisiting old favorites or discovering new RPGs along with them, this podcast will keep you entertained for hours on end. So, do yourself a favor and check out The Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast - you won't be disappointed.



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    Latest episodes from Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

    Enchanted Arms Part 4: Sweats, Dunce, Pomp and Lil Guy

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 23, 2025 142:54


    Enchanted Arms Part 4: Sweats, Dunce, Pomp and Lil Guy Square Roots - Episode 469 Quest Log: 33:48 Level Up: 01:57:00 We're back on our nonsense! And that nonsense is both the FROM SOFTWARE classic Enchanted Arms *and* the English 80s girl band quintet Toto Coelo. Did Yuki commit the Perfect Crime getting that flute back from the rich old talk show host? Is the secret motivation behind Oboro kidnapping all the women in Kyoto City because they eat cannibal? It's Spy Versus Spy when it turns out that Raigar is NOT a homosexual, and in fact a Powersled who is engaged to a Ninja on the other side of the last war. These are all Toto Coelo songs. Also: * Please Photoshop Matt's Head On Wolverine * Orgone Sex Energy Is Not Real * "That's getting somebody there." * Scrimpy Is A Powerful Metaphor * It's a Real Dora the Explorer * There Is No Court In Junk Town There Is Only Street Justice  This Week: Defeat Oboro for the first time!  Next Week: Defeat the Earth Devil Golem! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    2025: Most Anticipated Games!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 16, 2025 88:41


    2025 Most Anticipated Games! Square Roots - Episode 468 We're taking the week off, which somehow ended up with recording an hour and a half episode where we look through the upcoming games of 2025 and decide which we're into and which we're all like "no thanks, bro!" Some games that piqued our interest: * Middle Earth Trad-Wife Simulator * The Definitely Going To Release In October Vampire The Masquerade Bloodlines 2 * Husky Middle Aged Man Child Tries To Walk * Garfield Kart 2: All You Can Drift * Now You See Me Now You Don't Next Week: Defeat Oboro for the first time!  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Enchanted Arms Part 3: Cowboys & Plow Boys

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 9, 2025 143:18


    Enchanted Arms Part 3: Cowboys & Plow Boys Square Roots - Episode 467 Quest Log: 33:01 Level Up: 02:01:47 She's from [STATE REDACTED]! And he's from Florida! And HE's from Vancouver! She drinks Chamblee! He drinks IPAs! And the other he drinks Diet Pepsis, and that's okay! Nerd girls & Gator Boys & Canadian Bears, some good ol' podcastairs! All three take the time to go through Enchanted Arms's stairs! Boy, they love a FROM SOFTWARE game! Yeah, we got different tastes, live in different states, but we ain't that different when it comes to classic turn based RPGs!  Also: * I'm Not Gonna Top On Top Of Any Table * He Hates A Prologue * Namcai Bando * The Summer Sickies * What About the Slut Tent * Ear Bangs * We Need Children To Be Sad And Bored This Week: Defeat the Emperor of Fire / Efreet in Enchanted Arms! Next Week: Defeat Oboro for the first time!  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Enhanted Arms Part 2: The Guy Who Is Always Stuck At Just Friends

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 2, 2025 143:20


    Enhanted Arms Part 2: The Guy Who Is Always Stuck At Just Friends Square Roots - Episode 466 Quest Log: 04:00 Level Up: 01:45:25 Welcome to London! Sure, it kind of looks like an old Tooter village, but it's actually one of the only cities on this big island we call earth! But we need to take the short walk back to Yokohama, which makes sense in this game. We're playing Enchanted Arms! By FROM SOFTWARE! Everyone loves FROM!  Also: * Totally A Steiner * She's Going to Join the Party, Matt * My Only Golem For Life * Moron Moron Moron Moron Moron Moron! * Arm Fall Off Kid * Lisa Rinna Hair * An Italian Seal! * Sephiroth Does Spend A Lot Of Time In A Library * Hit So Hard He Turned Straight This Week: Defeat Professor Kou in Enchanted Arms! Next Week: Defeat the Emperor of Fire / Efreet in Enchanted Arms! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Enhanted Arms Part 1: Bang-Maid

    Play Episode Listen Later May 26, 2025 166:41


    Enhanted Arms Part 1: Bang-Maid Square Roots - Episode 464 Quest Log: 28:40 Level Up: 02:32:46 Dust off saxophone and charge up your magical arm, it's time for Enchanted Arms! Get it! Enchanted ARMS? Because his arm is enchanted! We discover all the little ways that Miyazaki put lil pieces of Dark and Demon's Souls into this FROM SOFTWARE turn-based JRPG!  Also: DL Free Workaholics Non-Joke Whiteboard Take The Night Off, Grandpa It Was An Act Of Generosity And Love I want to give him a little pizza golem kiss This Week: Wake Up in Prison in Enchanted Arms! Next Week: Defeat Professor Kou in Enchanted Arms! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Grim Fandango Part 2: Johnny Troublehands

    Play Episode Listen Later May 19, 2025 142:04


    Grim Fandango Part 2: Johnny Troublehands Square Roots - Episode 464 Quest Log: 27:11 Level Up: 01:49:50 Who do you call when life gives you trouble? JOHNNY TROUBLEHANDS! And he's joined by Matthew Dangerfist! Jim Blazin! And Vanessa Deathteeth! And we finish the LucasArts adventure classic, Grim Fandango! Is Grim a sociopath? Is Glottis better off without him? Was Meche right in holding him at gun point? YES! Also: The Clicker Genre "And Yet I'm Not." Source: Vanessa A Towel Made of Fruit Roll-Up How To Knock Out A Skeleton This Is Nothing Like The Breakfast Club! Tofu Gwace! This Week: Finish Year III and Year IV in Grim Fandango! Next Week: Wake Up in Prison in Enchanted Arms! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Grim Fandango Part 1: A Mnemonic Tube

    Play Episode Listen Later May 12, 2025 156:19


    Grim Fandango Part 1: A Mnemonic Tube Square Roots - Episode 463 Quest Log: 29:00 Level Up: 02:05:00 Welcome to the BONE ZONE! This week on the Bone Zone we're checking out LucasArts's pinnacle of adventure gaming, Grim Fandango. In it you start as a reaper, which Matthew informs us is named Grim Fandango.  Join these Hep Cats as we get people murdered, trick penguins, and abuse the trust of your man-child elemental buddy. Also: A Little Tiny Computer! Nice Meche! Matt's Wild and Wacky Florida Tour! It Was Rutger Hauer! MANNY, YOU PROMISED! This Week: Finish Year I and Year II in Grim Fandango! Next Week: Finish Year III and Year IV in Grim Fandango! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Grandia II Part 6: The Birthplace of the Gods Was A Research Facility

    Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2025 138:47


    Grandia II Part 6: The Birthplace of the Gods Was A Research Facility Square Roots - Episode 462 Quest Log: 28:40 Level Up: 01:48:15 GOTCHA! The Birthplace of the Gods was a research facility, which definitely means that Granas and Valmar were scientists who got turned into gods, and weren't aliens. With the Birthplace of the Gods being a research facility my logic is flawless and Matthew, who still needs to mail me ten dollars, is left speechless as we finish GameArts's classic JRPG! Also: We All Have An Oblivion We'd Rather Be Playing Chris Plante Sent To A Nice Click Farm Upstate A Lot Of Tiddy Talk It. Popped. Out. Tomax and Xamot Fan Fiction Vanessa's Private Network In The Krang Bin This Week: Finish Grandia II! Next Week: Finish Year I and Year II in Grim Fandango! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Grandia II Part 5: Mareg's Bara Tiddies!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2025 143:20


    Grandia II Part 5: Mareg's Bara Tiddies! Square Roots - Episode 461 Level Up Starts at 01:53:00 Johnny gets to see Mareg's big manly chest in a pre-rendered cutscene, and he does NOT shut up about it throughout this episode. Sure, the Dreamcast game's pre-rendered cutscenes have the look of 1996's Tekken 2, and the scene is bizarrely animated, but Johnny hasn't been on a date in a while so give him a break. Oh yeah, this week in GameArts's Grandia II we also discover a sword that may have a second purpose! AND GO TO THE MOON! Also: Proud Boy King! Vanessa Will Never See That Ten Dollars! Elena Likes Drinking Juice And Singing Gospel Songs About Granas! The Squeak-baa Pasture Is Empty! Classic Disc Three Crazy! Uterus! OR Womb! Who knows! Matt's Manly Football Injury! This Week: Return to Cyrum! Next Week: Finish Grandia II! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Grandia II Part 4: Droppin' Hot Yomis

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 21, 2025 146:41


    Grandia II Part 4: Droppin' Hot Yomis Square Roots - Episode 460 Level Up Starts at 01:51:00 It's Straight Night this week on Square Roots! That's right, the gay is gone, so it's just Matthew, Jim, and Vanessa. Finally they can get to the straight truth: they love being in traffic. Also they played some more Grandia II, this time in a beefy chunker that takes them from a princely mystery to shrimp island and finally the protagonist Ryudo's home town!  Also: Matt Gets Weirdly Aggro About His Vote Weak Nuts Johnny, Vanessa's Little Helmet Hype Man Milennia is the Personification of Elena's Diabetes Vanessa's Vindication Song Returns This Week: Defeat the Horn of Valmar! Next Week: Return to Cyrum! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Grandia II Part 3: Bursting Through the Doors of the St Heim Inn

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2025 156:08


    Grandia II Part 3: Bursting Through the Doors of the St Heim Inn Square Roots - Episode 459 Level Up Starts at 02:08:00 This time on Square Roots Jim's off on an adventure, so it's just Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew trying to sort out what they got wrong about Switch II news this week. But things get weird in this chunk of Game Arts's Grandia II, where we put down a little girl who has been giving a magical third eye, meet a religious fundamentalist who Johnny suspects is gonna be a villain, and finally get to cuddle up to Young Pope Daddy Bear. Also: Jim loves to eat a raw chicken. A legally distinct cover of Madonna's "Sorry" Sondra & Lezzlie What if Daredevil Grow A Weird Little Eye The Lowest Bar to Clear Ryudo Finally Has a Good Take This Week: Play until we leave the St. Heim Papal State! Next Week: Defeat the Body of Valmar! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Grandia II Part 2: The Gen-X Cheech and Chong

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 7, 2025 156:18


    Grandia II Part 2: The Gen-X Cheech and Chong Square Roots - Episode 458 Level Up Starts at 01:55:00 Johnny asks a question that may make you spit out your drink, be warned. Do not drink any liquids while listening to this episode. But anyway! Grandia II! Game Arts's zany adventure gets into gear: you've got the evil brother, a dark secret buried under a town, and 1910s style racism! Plus we talk about the Switch 2 reveal for a long time. Also: Mouse Control Nintendo Spy Cam First Nintendo Game With Finger Stuff Go Back To Lollipop Lane! He's Ryude To People Visible Personality Line Would You Hug A Tween Like That? This Week: Defeat the evil tongue of Valmar boss! Next Week: Play until we leave the St. Heim Papal State Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Grandia II Part 1: Max Load

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 31, 2025 149:45


    Grandia II Part 1: Max Load Square Roots - Episode 457 Level Up Starts at 01:58:30 Are you ready to dive back into the exciting world of Game Arts's Grandia on this exciting new chapter of Square Roots? We ask all the important questions, like what is a geohound? A guy looking for rocks? A risk breaker? A dog looking for rocks? We can't be sure, but we do know one thing: Ryudo is a big ol' asshole. Hopefully this is setting him up for a Zidane style JRPG character arc.  Also: A Little Baby Bird Sega CDX > Dishwasher Slide a Dollar Under Matt's Door Magic Comes From Eggs A Common Pope Name  This Week: Get to the city of Agear in Grandia II! Next Week: Defeat the evil tongue of Valmar boss! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 5: Stevie Nicks, You're Going To Jail

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 24, 2025 141:47


    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 5: Stevie Knicks, You're Going To Jail Square Roots - Episode 456 Level Up Starts at 01:57:45 We speed towards the finale of Sonical Chronicles by BioWare, fast like a hedgehog through a loop-de-loop. Does Sonic nail the landing? Or is he all out of rings? Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew debate the pros and cons  and finally decide: are they Squarely Against or Roundly For this speedy rodent adventure? Also: I Can Be Any Kind of Hulk I Wanna Be, It's 2017 Not Agreeing Bad Boyness I'm D-d-d-danny They're All Children, Johnny Each Party Needs A Hedgehog This Week: Finish Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood! Next Week: Get to the city of Agear in Grandia II! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 4: Bon Vi Von

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 17, 2025 156:14


    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 4: Bon Vi Von Square Roots - Episode 455 Level Up Starts at 01:38:00 Finally the whole squad is back for an episode where we are definitely very good at staying on topic as we get to the strange sci-fi worlds of Chapter 7 and 8 of Sonical Chronicles! There's rock men, goo men, and even robomen! But not Eggman, he stayed home. Also: An Exhaustive Explanation of Julius Pringles Hot Rahul Kohli News Vanessa's Tight Five on Hit Single Your Love Pan's Just For Women Michaelogical This Week: Finish Chapters 7 & 8! Next Week: Finish Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022

    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 3: The Return of Boys Night

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2025 105:03


    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 3: The Return of Boys Night Square Roots - Episode 454 Level Up Starts  at 01:15:30 With Vanessa out at a show or something, it's another BOYS NIGHT! So gather round, crack open a beard, and name your favourite monster trucks with us as we play through two more chapters of Sonical Chronicles! There's meatbag hating robots! Annoying drones! Super cool ninja echidnas! Also: Never Forget What Sonic Did To Metropolis Zone The Grandia Problem Strikes Back Matthew Hates A Split Party Shedding Chao Eggs Very Silly Robots This Week: Finish Chapters 5 & 6! Next Week: Finish Chapters 7 & 8! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 2: A Chat About Eggs, Man

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2025 133:06


    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 2: A Chat About Eggs, Man Square Roots - Episode 453 Level Up Starts  at 01:39:00 Jim's out on a date, so we're gonna be a little insane on this episode Square Roots. Vanessa's on probation, Johnny's gone waffles crazy, and Matt does nothing but read books now. But we're playing what Vanessa calls a Gateway JRPG, Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood by BioWare. Vanessa is kind of Pokécurious, and the Chaos are somehow making it worse. And now we've got all sorts of new Sonic Friends to join our party, like Big, Knuckles, Cream and Bobby De Niro! Also: One Date Per Year With A Host Of Your Choice The Most Canadian Thing Johnny's Ever Said Eggman's Treasure Trail Marvel Didn't Create Let's Get Some Magic Stones All Hedgehogs Are Related Is This A Snow Zone? This Week: Finish Chapters 3 & 4! Next Week: Finish Chapters 5 & 6! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 1: Charmy the Bee is Still an Ongoing Concern.

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2025 161:44


    Square Roots - Episode 452 Level Up Starts  at 02:09:00 SEGA and BioWare form the ultimate dream team for our new season of Square Roots! That's right, we're tackling the Sonic RPG Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood and finally we get stylus based controls and dialogue trees in our sonic games! Plus this game has all sorts of deep cuts: there's Vector from Knuckles Chaotix on the 32X! Big the Cat! Cream! Rouge the Bat! Who will be next? Fang the Sniper? Espio the Chameleon? The sky's the limit! Also: Maybe if GameStop focused less on woke and more on wake, Alan Wake that is. She seems like a SNES girlie. I don't like a tude dude! Vanessa's good nice water cooler chat! 8 year olds can fly planes, but not very well. This Week: Finish Chapters 1 & 2 of Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood! Next Week: Finish Chapters 3 & 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Thief: The Dark Project Part 5 - The Ratman Mystery

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 17, 2025 119:52


    Square Roots - Episode 451 Level Up Starts  at 01:27:30 We finally meet Matt's favourite friends, Thief: The Dark Project's Rat Men. Or... are they dinosaurs? This might seem like an easy question, but the more images we get of the supposed rat men, the more questions we have. Like: why do they have a forked tail? Are they monkeys? Why do they sound like Gollum? Also: Thief: The Woodsy Conspiracy The Fluffy Wuffy Sonic Boys The Coaster of the Goblin Soft Like A Woman The Terrible Results Of Our Vote This Week: Finish the game! Next Week: Finish Chapters 1 & 2 of Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Thief: The Dark Project Part 4 - A Very Whispery Mission

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 10, 2025 93:24


    Thief: The Dark Project Part 4 - A Very Whispery Mission Square Roots - Episode 450 Level Up Starts  at 01:20:30 This time even the DLC level is pretty great in this penultimate chunker of Thief! It's an eye-poppingly good time as we infiltrate the Hammerites, do chores for a ghost, and go for a surprise night at the opera. Also: - The Gene Shallot of Video Game Hosts - Further Adventures In Jim's Spider Revulsion - Inside Your Mind - Operatic Exposition - It's Not the Lost City, It's *A* Lost City - Bonk All The Boys This Week: Finish missions ten through twelve! Next Week: Finish the game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Thief: The Dark Project Part 3 - This City Ain't Lost Any More, Is It

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 3, 2025 96:02


    Square Roots - Episode 449 Level Up Starts  at 01:19:45 This time in the sneaky Looking Glass classic game Thief, Johnny, Jim and Matthew tackle some levels! Can you guess which ones are DLC and which were in the original release? Probably? There's a chunk of the city that was lost to a cataclysm, some colour coded mages towers, and a chunk of the city also lost to a cataclysm! Also: - Feet Pix Are Classy, Scat Pix Are Nasty - The Puzzle Is Water - A Matt Situation - Earth Towers Are Easy - Good Smooth Brain Puzzles Are Easy - The Lava Lever - It Puts A Little Fire Baby In Your Tummy - The Rope is the First Real Boss of the Game This Week: Finish missions seven through nine in Thief! Next Week: Finish missions ten through twelve! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Thief: The Dark Project Part 2 - A Little Moss Volcano

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 27, 2025 105:00


    Square Roots - Episode 448 Level Up Starts  at 01:24:20 We're all thieves, and sometimes thieves take their time and don't play to where they say they're going to. So we blasted through missions 4 through 6, which takes us through a fancy mansion, two fancy mansions connected by a sewer, and then a fancy but spooky mansion! Fortunately we make a new friend dripping with moss and friendly good intentions! What could PAWSIBLY go wrong?! Also: - Throw Mommy a Bone! - Vanessa Won't Laugh in Her Special Way - No More Bresdan Balls - Tea With Chewsdays Podcast, Innit - Microsoft Edging This Week: Finish missions four through six in Thief! Next Week: Finish missions seven through ten, unless that's too long and then nine. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Thief: The Dark Project Part 1 - Jim's Hole Sale Prices

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 20, 2025 133:43


    Square Roots - Episode 447 Level Up Starts  at 01:44:15 Now that Sea of Stars is over we can promise one thing: no more Garl puns. Now we're on to Thief: The Dark Project by Looking Glass Studios. Enjoy the intense 90s cutscenes! Revell in the developers voicing many side characters! Quiet down your steps with moss arrows! Explode some zombies with holy water! We all approach this early first person sneaker in different ways, so play along and get stealin'! Also: - Feed! That! Algorithm! - TOO GROSS! - A Dictate Guy! - Animal Crossing Means Not Okay! - The Raddest Music You've Ever Heard! - Googaws and Boobaws! This Week: Finish the first three missions of Thief! Get it for cheap on GOG today! Next Week: Finish missions four through seven! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sea of Stars - Part 6: James Acaster Plays Leisure Suit Larry

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 13, 2025 142:11


    Square Roots - Episode 446 Level Up Starts  at 02:03:30! It's a wrap on Sea of Stars this chunker, and someone didn't finish! And it's not who you think! We go through the two endings, talk to some fish, meet a tiger man, and go through a gross castle full of goop and body parts. YEAH! Also: - Garl Interrupted - Garl's Just Want To Have Fun - Who's That Garl? - Garls On Film! - Never Met A Garl Like You Before - Garl, You'll Be A Warrior Cook Soon - Brown-Eyed Garl - California Garls This Week: Finish Sea of Stars! Next Week: Finish the first three missions of Thief! Get it for cheap on GOG today! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sea of Stars Part 5: Are You Gonna Be My Garl?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 6, 2025 143:09


    We are sure that the technical issue that caused the original second half of this episode to be lost won't be noticed and the transition to the new recording will be seamless. Garl finds himself being the true hero of this game as he now has a near-death vision explaining what he needs to do before he dies. Level Up: 01:48:15 Also: * Squish Squish Squish * A Lot of Feet Talk * I Might Be The Threshold * Gary Busey in “Make Friends With The Devil” * Jim's second most hated song, Zephyr * Chrono Trigger! Final Fantasy! Hee hee!   This Week: Travel through the Sea of Stars! Next Week: Finish Sea of Stars!   Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcastThanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots!Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sea of Stars - Part 4: A Sith Puzzle For Babies

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 30, 2024 127:46


    Square Roots - Episode 444 Level Up Starts  at 01:36:00! Finally, we return to the Sea of Stars and a lot of stuff happens in this chunker! There's gorilla kids! Elderly enslaved kids! You sail into a mouth! And you get a secret weapon that morphs solstice magic into a [REDACTED] attack! Also: - An Edgier Pac-Man - Don't You Dare Make Fun of Capitalism!   - Matt Loves A Good Pear - Mattholics! - "It's Too Late For This One!" - Garl Is The Wheels of Sea of Stars - Vanessa's Personal Mouse War This Week: Play to the end of the Clockwork Castle! Next Week: Travel through the Sea of Stars! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Square Roots Christmas Gift Guide 2024

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 23, 2024 71:45


    We decided to drop a special Christmas themed bonus episode for you this week! It's the Square Roots Christmas Gift Guide 2024!!! Join us as we discuss what presents we got for all your favorite RPG characters.  We'll be back next week with our regularly scheduled Sea of Stars episode.   

    Sea of Stars - Part 3: Bisects!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 16, 2024 154:49


    Square Roots - Episode 443 Level Up Starts  at 02:00:30! It's a Marvel's Captain America: Civil War on this podcast, as Matthew's Dreamatorium Podcast Within A Podcast is squaring off against Johnny's Dreamcast, a podcast within a podcast. But also we played more Sea of Stars! And we got to the big End of Act 1 twist! Gasp! Things change! Allegiences are challenged! A town with a terrible name has been created. Also: - Blue and Jinkos! - Real Magus fight vibes! - Obligatory Joey from Blossom reference! - Wesowection! - Vanessa's Lazy Findom Kink Returns! - Ah! The Chrono Cross Problem! - You Can't Eat A Bag! This Week: Play to the end of the Tower of Ansudlo! Next Week: Play to the end of the Clockwork Castle! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sea of Stars - Part 2: A Neck Romancer

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 9, 2024 178:56


    Square Roots - Episode 442 Level Up Starts  at 02:23:18 The adventure truly begins as Johnny joins forces with Matt, Jim and Vanessa to tackle the pressing question about Sea of Stars: What the hell is this Wheels game anyway? Also we meet some fourth wall breaking pirates and fight two separate necromancers. Also: - Garl is the Jimminy Cricket - Johnny Hates The Algorithm - Smeared With Working Designs - Jim Only Knows American Who's Line - A Fun Lil Zomboi -  Stonheim Sam   This Week: Playing through the Necromancer boss fight! Next Week: Play to the end of the Tower of Ansudlo! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Sea of Stars - Part 1: But Have You Seen A Whole Boob?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2024 139:49


    Square Roots - Episode 441 Level Up Starts At 01:50:15 On this celestial episode of Square Roots, Jim guides Vanessa and Matt through the opening of 2023's beloved throwback style RPG, Sea of Stars. That's right: Vanessa plays a pixel game like some kind of baby, and it doesn't make her feel better when the game just keeps on the baby-themes for the first half hour or so. But will these special babies birthed by a moon stork save the day, or will they need Garl and his big Ramus energy? Also: - Matthew Rants About DLC Being Nominated For Game Of The Year - The Fat Character Always Has To Be The Cook - Vanessa Eats The World - Jim Loves A Montage Song - It's Just Lavos This Week: Meet the Elder Mist!  Next Week: Playing through the Necromancer boss fight! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Would You Eat This Bird? The 2024 Edition

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 25, 2024 97:48


    Square Roots - American Thanksgiving Bonus On this Square Roots, we're going to learn how to say no to drugs when a 8 year old tries to give you free weed. Or how you'll deflate like a balloon on your couch. Wait, no, that's not what we do on this episode. On this episode we look at sixteen birds - 15 of which are from Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth so be aware of mild FF7 Rebirth spoilers. This Week: Enjoy a lovely game of Would You Eat This Bird?! Next Week: Meet the Elder Mist!  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Dishonored Part 6: BAMF!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 18, 2024 120:24


    Square Roots - Episode 440 Level Up Starts at 1:47:45! Today is all about silly funny fun. There's goofy fun adventures, and our bestest princess of light and good and low chaos allows an old man to continue to live tied to machines and under the control of his slightly mad nurse. She also helps an unconscious woman have her dream wedding with a corpse. ALL IN THE NAME OF GOOD! - Daud Puts the U into Dad - Splinter, Dead, Dura and Soft Cells - You Can't Get A Canal - The Truth Of The Dressmaker - The Teen Witches of Brigmore - A Sewer Adventure! - A Witch With A Waist - You Go Into Paintings In A Lot Of Games This Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore! Next Week: Enjoy a lovely game of Would You Eat This Bird?! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Dishonored Part 5: Big Labia Energy

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2024 151:36


    Dishonored Part 5: Big Lesbian Energy  Square Roots Episode 439 This ep has a LOT of positive energy! We're all in a GREAT mood!  Too much talk about labias Imperial Majesty Vanessa  Hot Gay News!  Johnny pulls a real life Mr. Bean and plays the wrong DLC EVERYTHING IS AWESOME  This Week: Knife of Dunwall Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Dishonored Part 4: Is Harry Anderson An 80s Era Brian David Gilbert?

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 4, 2024 138:55


    Dishonored Part 4: Is Harry Anderson An 80s Era Brian David Gilbert? Square Roots - Episode 438 Level Up Starts at 1:55:00! Apologies to Italy, again. There are disparaging remarks made on whether Johnny did or did not finish Dishonored. These are all fabrications. Johnny has submitted video evidence to the Facegroup Group. He has the cheevos to prove it. These accusations are flagrant. They're idolatrous. And they are wrong. - Paul-i-tics - Laurie Metcalf for Mortal Kombat - Matt Is Lost in the World of the Go-Go 90s - Mister Bean, the Original Sim - A Crower, Not A Shower - Making Soup With Granny - Russian Water This Week: Finish the main game! Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Dishonored Part 3: Are You Going To Believe The Outsider, Or Are You Going To Believe Adam Christopher?

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 28, 2024 158:04


    Square Roots - Episode 437 Level Up Starts at 2:01:33! Finally, we get to go to a party! And what a party it is. Lady Boyle sure had a blast in Jim's game. It was one hot party! Her outfit was straight fire! Jim shot her with incendiary bullets! Also Johnny and Vanessa do some ethical kidnapping, and Matthew is sad he didn't just kill all three sisters. Oh yeah, and we deal with the Lord Regent! - It's A Part in Canada! - Some Sisters Are Triplets! - Doxxxed! - Yeah But It's Webber... - YOU CAN POSSESS A FISH?! - Hanging Turt? This Week: Finish Lady Boyle's Last Party and Return To The Tower! Next Week: Finish the main game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Dishonored Part 2: There Are No Skirts Or Dresses In This Universe

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 21, 2024 150:40


    Square Roots - Episode 436 Level Up Starts at 1:56:45! Don't worry if you tranq'd the dogs like Matt did, the dogs are fine! They were just asleep, and now they're at big farms in Tyria where the dogs can run and play! Such are the cruel realities of Dishonored, the Arkane Studios immersive funulator! - Lactaid is the PreP of the Dairy World - Let Me Solas Him - Vanessa Doesn't Like To Acknowledge The Passage of Time - There's A Scary in the Sewer - Are Ill People Zombies? - More Of A Johnny English Episode - I DON'T KNOW YOU - Electricity Makes People Sleepy This Week: Finish The House of Pleasure and The Royal Physician! Next Week: Finish Lady Boyle's Last Party and Return To The Tower! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Dishonored Part 1: Booby Trap

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 14, 2024 176:20


    Square Roots - Episode 435 Level Up Starts at 2:44:00! Matthew defeated nature and survived another hurricane, and we start a new game! This time it's the classic RPG (?) Dishonored, one of those immersive sims. Or 0451 games. Whatever you want to call it! We don't follow the Five Foot Rule of murders, get into jail, get out of jail, navigate some sewers and then deal with the High Overseer! - Upgrade Your Rat Stats - Gen Z doesnt even know what Planescape Is - It's not the request log - Johnny's super amazing joke - Its Imogen Heap, come on! - 1998 to 1993 This Week: We start Dishonored, until the end of the Overseer Campbell mission! Next Week: The House of Pleasure, The Royal Physician, Lady Boyle's Last Party Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Tactics Ogre Part 7 - Slam In The Back of My Dorgalua

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 7, 2024 149:13


    Square Roots - Episode 434 Level Up Starts at 2:07:45! I was thinking about making this episode description in the style of the Rob Zombie song, but that was too hard. Also? The lyrics are pretty weird. "Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat, tender is the fur, dying as you purr"? Alright there Robert. BUT! On this chunker we finish Tactics Ogre! All of us! Surprisingly. Some of us are crowned king! Some of us go on exploring! Some of us get shot! There's a lot of options for endings here at Tactics Ogre. Also: - The Chaos Gate (Prounounced Chaos) - Welcome to the Ogre - The Real Tactics Ogre Is The Friends You Made Along The Way - A Mister Bean Run - The Original Sexy Grandma  This Week: Finish Tactics Ogre! Next Week: We start Dishonored, until the end of the Overseer Campbell mission! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Square Roots vs. Themselves!

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 30, 2024 86:14


    It's a hurricane ep! Matt needs a week off due to weather (coughfootballcough) so the Square Roots gang plays some games and chats about hot gaming news. We will be back next week for the end of Tactics Ogre!  This Week: Hot nonsense! Next Week: Finish Tactics Ogre! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 6 - You Put The Party Dude In The Does Machines Slot!

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 23, 2024 102:08


    Square Roots - Episode 432 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:21:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. Vanessa and Matthew fail at rescuing the princess, who is still a bit stabby. Will Johnny rescue her? Find out next episode because Johnny was about six fights behind. THIS IS A LONG GAME OKAY Also: - Talking About How Terrible The Game AI Is, And Also Adaptive Cruise Control And Other Automotive Safety Features For Some Reason - The Lasagna Castle - People Is You - Fidget Bat-usi - Sometimes The Right Tactic Is To Be An Ogre! This Week: Half of Chapter 4, if possible, finish Barnicia Castle.  Next Week: Apparently finish the game, according to Matt now. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 5 - Not Abuna Prancett!

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 16, 2024 103:08


    Square Roots - Episode 431 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:13:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. On this stabby chunker of Tactics Ogre, the game has gone full Matsuno. Everyone's getting stabbed. The Hierophant's got a knife. Vyce has a knife. Knives everywhere, and lots of people with political grievances. Denam needs a +5 Suit Of No Stabby to get through this one unscathed. Also: - Final Fantasy VII: Repopolis - Vamp the Vamping Vampire - 1v1 NoScope Leonar - Everyone Loves a Ganpp - Zack, Streets, Slatts and Tiffany Turtle - It's a Game Word - Podcast Handsome This Week: Finish Chapter 3! Next Week: Half of Chapter 4, if possible, finish Barnicia Castle.  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 4 - The Grievance Corner

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 9, 2024 106:24


    Square Roots - Episode 430 Matt, Vanessa and Johnny pursue a Jimless chunker as they take a castle for the noble Wallisters! Or maybe for the evil Wallisters. Kind of depends on how you play it. Johnny gets a good time route full of fun banter while Matt and Vanessa are punished for their morality by having to explain to a guy why they killed his wife. Also: - The Taskmaster Cult - Vanessa Ruins Master Chef Kids - Johnny Gemini, Future Cop - Lanselot (Good) - Return of Garbage Orphans  - Mega Man's not about pressing buttons  This Week:  Play through Brigantys Castle in Chapter 3! Next Week:  Finish Chapter 3! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 3 - I'm Big Slubba

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 2, 2024 118:53


    Square Roots - Episode 429 There's so much sports talk at the end of this episode. You've been warned. But otherwise on this episode of Square Roots we make our way through Chapter 2 in Tactics Ogre: Reborn! Jim, Vanessa and Matt are doing the chaos path, meanwhile Johnny is doing the Lawful path on Let Us Cling Together, which he may or may not regret. Also: - Matt Has All The Powers Of A Cellphone Now - Deborah! I'm an Ogre! - Always On The Short List - Pete Gallagher With The Eyebrows - Feet & Pet Pics Tier This Week:  Finish Chapter 2! Next Week:  Play through Brigantys Castle in Chapter 3! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 2 - That's The Ronwey

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 26, 2024 91:59


    Square Roots - Episode 428 Are you ready for a sublime experience of RPG tactics? What I got for you this week is a quick li'l episode of the Square classic Tactics Ogre, and you don't have to practice Santeria to understand that this means Vanessa had to call in sick. But that's okay!  Also: - New Thing Matt Hates: Steam Charts - The DreamCast: Improvising Beastie Boy lyrics - A Life Sized Hank Hill Cutout - Who Doesn't He Think Are Weiners? - Why Are We Friends With Him? - Gastophone the Murderer This Week:  Finish Qadriga Fortress in Tactics Ogre: Reborn / Let Us Cling Together! Next Week: Finish Chapter 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 1 - The Ryan Stiles Tour of Vancouver

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 19, 2024 125:10


    Square Roots - Episode 427 Welcome to this In-Ogre-Al episde of our Tactics Ogre playthrough! You can play Reborn! You can play the PlayStation 1 one! You can play the PSP one! Whatever you want, it's all about various ethnic groups at war. You know it's an Alexander O. Smith translation with all the "neh"s and manses, so get ready for some great but dense text!  Also: - In-Ogre-Al - Is Vanessa JD Vance? - His Name Is Grandma's Peach Tea - A Birthday Cacophany - The Dynast-King Dragula - Duke Wrongway This Week:  Finish Qadriga Fortress in Tactics Ogre: Reborn / Let Us Cling Together! Next Week: Finish Chapter 1!

    Quantum Break Part 4 - The DreamCast

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 12, 2024 138:49


    Quantum Break Part 4 - The DreamCast Square Roots - Episode 426 It's TIME to wrap up this TIME TALE. We push through the finale of this game with focus and vigor, like a time train smashing through a time building. But beware the time monster! It's obviously coming, and surely this is going to be a fight for the ages. You definitely are going to fight this time monster. Also: - Watching Hostel is Like Being In Hostel - I Don't Wanna Be a Chronon Active Time Traveller! - Is It Cool If I Call Him JJ? - B Button and the Time Boys - The Mister Bean of Time Travel - If You Don't See A Body, You Can't Get Haughty This Week:  We finish Quantum Break! Next Week: Finish Qadriga Fortress in Tactics Ogre: Reborn / Let Us Cling Together! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Quantum Break Part 3 - All The Ponies Are Made of Butter

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2024 117:07


    Square Roots - Episode 425 On this temporal episode of Square Roots, we explore the conclusion of the Time Knife. It's so long. So, so long. Does SLOBBO die? Does anyone peel off a mask? Whose baby is that, anyway? All this and so much more on tonight's episode of Night Springs. Also: - Matt Is A Blue Mage Now - UFC Surgical Tubing Strangle Attack - More Hatch Lore - Under the Bridge Downtown - It's Not A Frame Rate Drop, It's A Quantum Stutter - Pool Swimming - Beth Did 9/11 Twice This Week:  We finish Act 3 and 4 and Episode 3 and 4 of Quantum Break! Next Week: We finish Quantum Break! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Quantum Break Part 2 - NO LANGOLIERS TALK

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 29, 2024 134:59


    Square Roots - Episode 424 It's a time mix-up game! On this episode of Square Roots we play through Act 2 of Quantum Break, which involves a lot of time ships, time jumps, time shields, time soldiers and time knives. And a severe bob. Just a heads up we misgender Ezra Miller a few times - we'll make sure to be more cognizant of this going forward. Also: - What If Alex Horne Is A Ghoul? - Trashcan Them - DigiLiam - A Straight Up Half Hour Where We All Review The Stand (2020) - Let's Call Her Amby - I'm Football Boy And I Play The Most Good Football - Matthew Summons Rappin' Nessa This Week:  We finish Act 2 and Episode 2 of Quantum Break! Next Week: We finish Act 3 and 4 and Episode 3 and 4 of Quantum Break! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Quantum Break Part 1 - Gandalf has a HUGE ASS

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 22, 2024 137:41


    Square Roots - Episode 423 Please note Johnny misread the number of episodes on his Amazon Prime Video app, and was wrong. Very wrong. You don't need to tell Johnny he was wrong. There are 9 episodes to the 2020 The Stand miniseries. Not 6. Each host has, in turn, told Johnny he was wrong after recording and that's terrible. Alright! It's time to break time, or some quantums. What exactly is a quantum? For years Johnny thought it was a time thing, but learned that this was again very wrong. We're playing Quantum Break by Remedy. The Remedy is that it's serious, it's a dangerous liason. Also the sky is dark because this game is FULL OF STARS! Also: - MyDreamz Dot Net - Door Versus Hatch - Why Are You Looting That Desk - Time Cop Rules Versus Lost Rules - My Glasses Are Gonna Be Circles - Thurgolicious Definition This Week:  We finish Act 1 and Episode 1 of Quantum Break! Next Week: We finish Act 2 and Episode 2 of Quantum Break! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Fallout 3 Part 5 - Biwwy's Waser Wifle

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 15, 2024 132:59


    Square Roots - Episode 422 On this episode of Square Roots we listen to a few more of Sticky's stories in the divisive Fallout 3. Oh yeah, we also finish the game! And there's a robot that sounds like Optimus Prime! And we deal with the problems haunting our Vault! And maybe talk an Ant Lady out of being an Ant Lady and a Robot Man out of being a Robot Man. Also: - The Vanessa Witch TV Show - That Is Men! Put Them In The Bear Suits! - Is Liberty Prime Optimus? - That Bible Fella This Week:  Finish the Game Suggested Side-Quest: Trouble on the Homefront, The Superhero Gambit Next Week: We finish Act 1 and Episode 1 of Quantum Break! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    Fallout 3 Part 4 - Vanessa's Acers

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 8, 2024 140:46


    Square Roots - Episode 421 On this episode of Square Roots, we get to the ROOT of Harold's problem. You might say we cut to the HEART of the issue. And we RESCUE CHILDREN from a slavers camp, which isn't a pun but merely a factual thing that happens. Plus we hear a 100% Authentic Liam Neeson Death Rattle, and prove once and for all that the only thing Humongous about Mungos is our hearts. But not like Harold's humongous heart, I mean metaphorically. Also: - Vanessa Should Back Off Her Burns - Red Head Little Red Boy Cameron Jedi Games - Shoot Their Gibbly Mouth - Convenient Watching Pipe - How Did You Think This Would End? This Week:  Gaining Entrance To Little Lamplight Via Rescue From Paradise Quest, Big Trouble in Big Town, Oasis Next Week: Finish the Game Suggested Side-Quest: Trouble on the Homefront, The Superhero Gambit Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

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