An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven by Tim Bedore

Did you know Catholics have a holy day to bless your throat so you won't swallow fish bones?  What's the difference between Limbo and Purgatory and why is Purgatory like hand sanitizer?  Are nuns not totally human?  Did I ever tell you about the time I put out 50 matches using only my mind and why it is the funniest experience I have ever had?  And let me apologize in advance for all the sound effects.  A better life is awaiting you.  Just subscribe and thrive!

In this episode we straighten out some life and death issues for listeners--you're a dedicated vegan with a mice infestation.  What do you do?  Can sensitive recording equipment hear a tomato scream when cut?  Also, the moment I knew I wanted to be an entertainer, how my mentoring program is going, how I almost killed two people as a delivery boy for a pharmacy and what I learned from that, and how I once convinced three young girls that owls knew our alphabet and how falling for that ruse later affected their adult lives.  So much to learn and it only takes 20 minutes.  Subscribe and thrive.

Has PC cancel culture gone too far or not far enough?  Should you boycott Trader Joe's for using the name Trader Jose on their Mexican food items?  Believe it or not, I fix the whole PC enchilada in this episode.  If it wasn't for cultural theft would we have pizza?  Did I make the world a better place by playing golf with 3 women over 70?  Creative play and kids during the time of Covid-I give parents great advice on keeping their young ones occupied, intellectually stimulated and out of their hair, all at the same time.  If you care about our future subscribe and thrive. 

The Covid pandemic has people acting crazy.  Too many people refuse to wear masks or socially distance.  Are they crazy?  Young and stupid?  Detached and selfish?  Republican?  In this episode I straighten them out, explaining the need for masks, etc., in ways even conservatives can understand. Home schooling?  Can you do it well and sell it to the kids?  Tattoos and a 16 year old daughter.  I life coach a client on this permanent ink issue.  My friends, we're going through bizzaro world times.  And I am just the man to help.  Subscribe and Thrive!  

Can you trust what you hear on the radio or TV?  I tell you who to trust and who you can't.  Ever been on the radio live when a marching band stomped through a mine field of horse droppings?  I have.  Working in radio taught me a lot about what bizarre lies people will believe.  In this episode I recount the strangest thing I ever said and how many people showed up to see humans thrown over 100 yards by a catapult.  I faked a helicopter crash involving our traffic reporter on the air, one morning.  Oh yes, listeners bought it.  I know how gullible you are.  I have tricked you in the past.  And that is why I can protect you from the media, now.  Subscribe and thrive! 

A client has a plan to achieve herd immunity from Covid-19.  Can it be done and is it humane or legal?  Two great old movies, Hud and Dr. Strangelove, get mentioned in response.  Stereotypes?  Are they ever good?  I give some examples of good and bad ways to use stereotypes.  Ever been five years old and have starving, frantic deer eat corn out of your hand, then later that day been forced to sit between two Native American (or Indian) Lakota warriors dressed for battle for a vacation picture your Mom insisted on taking?  Do you still have nightmares from your family vacations?  Subscribe and thrive!  I am here to help, not hurt.

WARNING!  I went nuts with sound effects in this one.  I also help a client who had a fight with his wife, teach you how to use "irony" correctly, describe why my Dad was a hero for killing a cow and why we should ban consultants, as well as give the best advice ever on how to keep a job plus pinpoint why America has turned away from science.  And this life changing advice is all free!  Subscribe and thrive!!!

I've invented a digital device called The Truth Monitor.  It's an automatic non-partisan lie detector.  Want to hear how Trump would sound in a debate if my new invention were used?  I also have some ideas on how to safely do Halloween during Covid.  Is a sense of humor genetic?  I think so and prove it by telling a story about my Grandfather saying something so funny I shot a cherry tomato across the room.  Is full blown bickering good for a marriage?  Lots to chew on!  Subscribe and thrive!  

Conservatives are suffering and need help.  Your life coach is here with sincere advice on how to cope with the disappointment of the recent election.  A client wants to know if she should tell a friend her cheating husband is in a porn video and a young actress wants my advice on whether to do nude scenes in Hollywood.  Sex and politics.  A Hitler anecdote.  Golf addiction and growing up without a sister and ways for our country to heal... or not.  There's much to chew on and all in under 24 minutes of time which you probably have.  Subscribe and thrive.  

In this episode I respond to angry conservatives who were mad I suggested they all move to Texas in the last episode.  Well, because I care I have more advice on how they should deal with the coming post-Trump world.  Is a marriage in trouble if your wife tries to kill you with her car.  Will a deadbolt stop a Lexus from barging through an apartment door?  Is there a way to know when your parents are too old to drive?  Your life coach is here and showing the way forward.  Subscribe and thrive!

In this episode I help someone whose Covid safety bubble has been burst by a room mate whose got a new girlfriend.  Is it safe to let her in their outdoor jacuzzi?  Germ-a-phobes and airport restrooms-recipe for disaster?  In a tight economy do you not quit a job until you have a new one?  Whose the worst boss I've ever had? Why do people drive cars, alone, wearing a mask?  Can old people not feel it when they have large amounts on food on their face?  You have issues and questions-I can help.  Subscribe and thrive!

This episode is late.  But I have a brilliant solution for a client who doesn't want to offend his non-Christian neighbors with their 1/2 scale Nativity scene in the front yard.  I must admit, I really love my solution.  Sound effects.  Do I over use them?  I explain how my obsession with sound effects has made the world a safer place.  Shelter in place, hunker down and enjoy the holiday break with this better late than never episode that makes Christmas an inclusive celebration for everyone.  Subscribe and thrive.  

In this episode I help a woman who suspects she might be dating a gay guy, what I learned from seeing Kenny Rogers perform "Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town," as a party song, some thoughts on the sacking of our Capitol and my They'll All Come True or Your MONEY BACK New Years (yes, a little late) predictions for 2021.  Subscribe and Thrive!  You have nothing to lose but 20 minutes.  

In episode 46 I help Trump supporters who feel unmoored in a strange new world.  My fearful patients worries range from Biden undoing Trump's policies to liberal scientists declaring there is no God.  Just in case that happens I've created a new religion that can co-exist with science and bring us world peace, too. Another client fears having kids in these troubled times.  I deal with that and give advice on parenting and how I, inadvertently, nurtured my daughter into having a nervous personality.  Science, religion, how Trumpers survive without him, and how Bobby Fernandez become 9 Fingers Fernandez.  Subscribe and THRIVE!   

In the previous episode I created the hypothetical Church of Dale, to make a point about religion. Some of you were angry and some want to become Dale-ians. Today, I respond to both groups and discuss my plans for Dale. Trump's 2nd impeachment is here.  I cover how to talk about it without alienating others as well as the proper use of the Hitler analogy. And why is Hitler the ultimate evil when others killed more people? Where does an agnostic find spirituality and wonder in the world?  I have answers. Subscribe and thrive! 

I asked and you listeners told me what filled you with the spirit, joy and wonder and some of you are really creepy. I've got some serious life coaching work to do. Collecting Beanie Babies is a sickness. Also, why my Mom was furious with my Dad for treating his boys to the best day of their lives, as well as why I don't fish. And I help someone name their new novel. I can't write novels but I can name 'em.  Subscribe and THRIVE!   

Would getting the death penalty for lying on the internet be too harsh? Can we improve the death penalty so it's a better deterrent to future crime? What about minimum security prisons on the moon? I'll bet my worst dating experience ever is more bizarre than yours and how it's connected to the Jan. 6 taking of the Capitol. The Truth Monitor makes an appearance as do sound effects recreating a nun hitting me in the back of the head with a dictionary. It's 18 minutes that may change your life. Subscribe and thrive!  

Circumcision? Why did Abraham make THAT covenant with God? I give advice to an online dater with 12 felony convictions. Is there an upside to the pandemic and is it a message from God? Someone asked if I would ever would run for office so I explain my winning presidential platform. Also, I do some Freudian dream analysis for a client plagued by a reoccurring nightmare. Much to learn and in only 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!

In this episode I discuss how long you should wait before deciding someone sucks and how snap judgements can be so wrong, which I learned from the funniest moment of my radio career. Who is Udo Whonall? Did you know Adam had a wife before he married Eve? Have I ever seen the hand of God in the world? What I learned from a mouse turd in a wine glass, proper analogy construction and breathing from a scuba tank are also covered. And a first for me, I swear but the words are covered by plentiful SFX. Subscribe and THRIVE! 

Today I discuss what nationality is OK to use negative stereotypes to describe, the dumbest thing I ever did, why the first MLB baseball game I ever saw was my best ever, better remote control designs for old people, the best argument for getting the vaccine, as well as who shouldn't and why hospitals can kill you.  Friends, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it starts with this episode.  Subscribe and thrive! 

Today I apologize to the whiny Dutch, examine group stereotypes after golfing with a Japanese guy, help a client who wonders if getting a "special" massage once a year equals cheating on his wife, ponder the dangers of an overly "woke" culture, look at why Americans are genetically uptight and the French didn't want to start over here like other wretched refuse. Subscribe and THRIVE!   

One of you asked if God really has a plan for everything. I definitively answer that question- toes and ticks and Lyme disease are involved and I discuss why I learned to drive in a stolen car, the last time I was stoned, why I may need to wear Maharishi type robes instead of pants, how Covid vaccines given to India helps with global warming and why it's important to know pigs and rodents can breath through their butts. And all in one neat package. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!

In this episode I answer those angered by my saying God (if there is one) CAN'T have a plan for everything, what I learned from bricking up the entrance to my high school's library as a senior prank, why the smartest thing you can say sometimes is "I don't know," how I messed people up with bad advice, the Donner and Dahmer Parties, bad names for kids, how your nursing home years will be effected by how much we spend on education today and why we need to worry about today's idiot kids, all in one neat package.  Subscribe and thrive!

In Episode 56 I overuse sound effects to bring to life (or ruin) the story of the worst classmate I ever had and how a good teacher made a big mistake that almost got me killed.  Is life complex with myriad, sometimes conflicting issues driving the way we turn out?  I think so and this story demonstrates that (or doesn't).  Should we strive to help others or take care of number 1?  How many cliches can I jam into 1 episode?  It's all in one snappy 18 minute package.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!  

This is the most stream of consciousness bizarre episode yet (my daughter brought home some edibles). Some of you complained I overuse sound effects so I used even more this time. A few also claimed I make up stories so I made some up to show what it would sound like if I did. Also, how use of cliches and global warming are related and why I don't fear UFOs but welcome alien life forms to Earth.  Disjointed, wacky, silly but easily worth 17 minutes of your time... probably. Survive and THRIVE! 

Simon Biles, why would anyone leave the Beatles, White vs. Black pickup basketball game mores, how I nearly got into the NBA, cognitive dissonance and the Jewish doomsday sect that believed in Jesus, what not to do waiting in line for Heaven (if there is one) anti-vaccine Trumpers are idiots and so much more in Episode 58. Subscribe and thrive!  

Does your mind suddenly go off wandering on its own and leave your body sitting there for long periods?  Or is it just me?  Baby Boomers are hated even though we are the greatest generation ever!  I explain why.  When should you end your life?  As your life (and death) coach I offer a way to know when it's time to check out before the catheters and drooling.  Subscribe and THRIVE (until it's time not to)!

In episode 60 I respond to those critical of my suggestion we spend too much money on the last years of of life and euthanasia as a cost cutter. I tell the SHOCKING story of a DIY assisted suicide got haywire and why we need better methods and 3rd party involvement.  Also, I help someone whose best friend does not know his new girlfriend stars in zoophilia porn videos and what is the best way to handle it.  Life is tough.  You need a coach.  Here I am.  It's FREE!  Subscribe and THRIVE!

Is it ever wise to take advice from someone on the radio versus a burning bush? When should older people with bladder issues play golf? Could sitting in my grandma's lap at age 4 prompt me to get into radio and comedy and did 80's era radio air guitar competitions and midget toss contests ruin America? Can you churn butter in a washing machine? Is it immoral to self identify as female just to get an athletic scholarship? Are unisex bathrooms the answer? 17:30 gets it all done and it's free! Subscribe and THRIVE!

How to correct an infuriating "Hit it Alice" misogynistic golf buddy, perception vs. reality in conservatives and Catholics, if you buy a Saint bone sliver are you protected from tornados, the worst thing I have ever heard someone do while singing Oh What a Beautiful Morning, why I had a dog for only a week when I was young and why I would clone our late Lexie as an adult and way too many sound effects all in 18 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!  

Want practical ideas on how you can stop Global Warming? This episode is for you. What do Mennonite high school cheerleaders chant before a free throw attempt? If there is a God does He or She have a plan for your sex life, including wet dreams? Are humans born to be annoying? Are there benefits to growing up with a Boo Radley character on your block? Is an air purifier lousy if dust collects on its top? Should kids play in a fenced yard with a BEWARE OF DOG sign posted on it? And loads of unnecessary SFX. Subscribe and THRIVE! 

In this episode I make my case for a new annual holiday giving thanks to the Beatles, why the Singing Nun was filthy, my dorkiest moment ever, my happiest moment ever, emotional scars from pedal pushers and crewcuts, perception v. reality, Thanksgiving through the eyes of the Original Owners, why we need more holidays, and why we should all be more like Buddy Rogers. All in 18 minutes that might change your life. Or, not. Subscribe and THRIVE!

Christmas is the worst time of year for some people. Here are some of issues facing my clients-- What should a person of faith do if they see a classified ad in the newspaper selling "The Skull of Christ?"  If your outdoor Christmas lights disappear is it OK to hate liberals?  How to respond to neighbors who mock your nativity display with naughty words spelled out in Christmas lights and what to do if blinking outdoor Christmas lights trigger flashbacks of being arrested for DUI's? People have questions, I have answers. Subscribe and THRIVE!

As well as being a life coach and spiritual guru I am also a prognosticator. The Middle East, Covid, Trump's plans, climate change, the Super Bowl winner, a new FOX show called Numb Nuts... here are my bankable predictions for the new year. Also, clients wonder if you can be vegan with a pig heart valve transplant, if God loved us wouldn't sharks be vegetarians and what bacon flavored vodka has to do with universal health care as well as concave little old man butts I saw at the gym.  Subscribe and THRIVE!

Why are people so pissy with one another? Is it OK to laugh at an immigrant's 2nd language mistakes? Is all comedy immoral? Is the NextDoor app a sign of the coming apocalypse? Are PC/millenial attitudes ruining comedy? How can anyone wear a bad toupee? Were puns ever funny? 19 minutes of insight or weird bloviating awaits. SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!

In this episode-who had the cooler super power-Moses or Obi Wan Konobi? If you want to believe your neighbors are jerks visit NextDoor.com. Can a man be in heat? Better to have smart or stupid criminals? Is world history safe in a Photoshop world? Nude selfies-good or bad idea? How soundly does my wife sleep? Benefits of a National Must Be Nude Day. Subscribe and THRIVE!  

Where did all this partisanship come from? Why is no one happy? Have you ever seen a pig on a leash in an urban setting? What's ruining America's kids? What's the meaning of a dream where you get to drum for the Beatles but instead of drum sticks you brought Q-tips? Can you get kids at home to shut up and have fun too? You have questions, I have answers. Subscribe and THRIVE!  

My patients are having dreams/nightmares of Nazi zombies, human babies with fish heads, being an Indian mystic named Kashi Kashi Bing Bing, being a whore and going to hell because Rev. Arango used one wrong word in their baptism, going to the crossroads but the Devil won't trade for their soul, and I do helpful analysis, and create Biblical Era versions of classic board games. Subscribe and THRIVE! 

Why you stay in a mediocre marriage, the upside to losing body parts, bimbo bachelorette partiers at the State of the Union address, what do pine trees think of telephone poles, more Biblical board games, why some friend's great marriage became the worst ever, the best way for older couples to end life, and maybe I can read minds. All under 18 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE! 

In #72 I go Will Smith on a conservative critic, take a mind reading challenge, Fernando Lamas appears again, help clients who want to place a nasty obituary about their mother, tell how a balata Titleist saved me from a bear attack, prove how tough liberals can be, fix the transgender athlete issue, suggest Job Hijabs as a company name for a client and overuse sound effects, all under 18 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!! 

My daughter broke her leg rock falling, proving I'll be a worried Dad, forever. I also help young clients whose sex positivity has led to sex negativity (can't say NO to a spanking/choker), invent a new app that fixes the problem, discuss if early humans would have evolved if women's sex drive was as strong as men, advise a couple on how to deal with carjacking, and help an omnivore whose partner is Meat is Murder vegan.  Subscribe and THRIVE!

Is social media the Devil's tool? Are you sick if you post Wordle scores? Are the Kardashians poison? If a God spoke to us directly what would happen? Are humans devolving while animals evolve? What does spider sex sound like? Even if this podcast is a time waster it's all over in 18 minutes and you heard spiders having sex. Subscribe and THRIVE!

Today's episode is a lighthearted romp through mass shootings, the economic benefits of abortion and the Bible's position on it, Ronald Reagan's responsibility for all bad Republican politics, their 2nd amendment confusion, what movies shaped how conversatives see themselves, fantasy versus reality and more in one tidy little package.  Subscribe and THRIVE!

Are you morally responsible if you slice a shot off a golf course and kill a jogger? My client needs help and I have the answers. I also help two sex deviants and a young comedian who worries all comedy is at someone's expense by analyzing two of my favorite all-time public domain jokes. Why do people hate Baby Boomers? I think I know. Subscribe and THRIVE!

Guns, abortion, public Christian prayers at midfield after a football game, the Supreme Court and the failings of the Uber Left... this episode is filled with lighthearted fare just in time for summer vacation travel. It's fun for the whole family. Where is it polite to pee on a golf course? What to do when there's a man in the Ladies Room at Wal-Mart. People have problems, I have answers. All with too many SOUND EFFECTS! Subscribe and THRIVE! 

Some of you INSIST the Lord works in mysterious ways and has a plan for EVERYTHING! I think, NOT! Can you get your money back from a non-healing Faith Healer? Consumers are pissed about prices and packaging and corporate lies and I just might get involved in the fight. Also, why I turned down a chance to be a marriage counselor, do some yoga poses look like a mime who ran into a ghost, is he a sex fiend or normal guy... people have questions and I have answers. Subcribe and THRIVE! 

In episode 79 I help a client whose inviting his devote Southern Baptist parents to a pagan wedding, another patient is shocked at seeing sex toys at Target and bent carrot TV commercials, a new patient doesn't want to have anything to do with taking care of the corpse of his abusive mother but I explain why they should, and has woke culture run amok, are all dealt with in under 20 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!  

If a man is marrying a man who dresses like a woman when do you tell  your parents about everything that's under the wedding dress?  What ruined America and how can we fix it?  If you could take one person out of history who would it be?  A client sees no reason to go on because he's not made a mark on the world.  I offer a different perspective that has to do with Elvis dying on the toilet.  Ever eat a sandwich that has a pound of bacon?  Should you trust carpet cleaning ads on the radio?  You have questions and I have answers.  Survive and THRIVE!    

In episode 81 I help a polyamorous client figure out how to bring two men to her Mom's house for Christmas, explain why we need to tax the hell out of the rich, predict why the Trumps end up in Moscow, determine if it's moral to root for a neighbor's death so you can get their kidney, devise an experiment to see if prayer helps pro athletes and explain how magic works while SC Judge Brett Kavanaugh makes an appearance plus so much more all in under 18 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!  

Episode 82 deals with more proof God (if there is one) hates me, I help a client whose toddler poops the bed to protest a new baby being in the house, examine liberal vs. conservative thinking, determine if the stereotype of women being shoe-obsessed is fair, expose what the "Wizard of Oz" was really all about, discuss if the Polish are stupid or just absent minded, investigate the myth Mr. Rogers was a Navy Seal sniper and killed the guy who played Eddie Haskell on "Leave It To Beaver" in Viet Nam and suggest what you can do to make the world a saner place. Subscribe and THRIVE!  

In this episode I help the worst patient I've ever had to endure- a classic "Karen," explain why my lawyer doesn't want me to see patients in person, is ageism the hot new prejudice, wonder if 'with age comes wisdom' is true, did Native American elders screw the pooch when they let the Pilgrims ashore, help a patient determine if her new beau is a real moron or just an idiot and help someone avoid cliches like 'I'm sorry for your loss,' etc. at a funeral but still say something meaningful... hopefully, anyway.  All in just 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!

In ep. 84 I respond to your responses to ep. 83 because some people just can't shut up or be happy, again discuss what to say at funerals, advise a Lutheran client who just found out he's Jewish, discuss if we are our genetics or culture or just who we say we are, anaylze the story of the unluckiest guy in the world, opine on why aliens don't stop to give us advice, help with whether to say "Thank you for your service," describe how we honored my Dad's war injury and more, all in under 16 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!

In recent episodes I came up with non-cliche things to say at funerals which struck a nerve with some of you. Today, I strike back. Just in time for Xmas I am selling An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven-The Board Game. A client has naked neighbors in a hot tub and his wife wants him to build a fence. Should he? For the first time ever I recommend a divorce. Helicopter parents and what might not be a temporary tattoo on their daughter. A client fears eating the food at the holiday office party. Sick freaks are everywhere and I have advice, all in 17 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!

Just in time for the holidays- I give the only true meaning of Christmas and/or holiday season, my best and worst Christmas memories including playing Santa, in costume, very badly on TV and freaking out kids and parents, why when you see the image of Santa I see a dead bat, why a truckload of abandoned potatoes was the best toy ever, playing army with sticks, how to handle a snippy mother-in-law and advise a client on serving THC edibles instead of martinis before a holiday feast, all in 19 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!  

Episode 88 features my first use of a dirty word, what famous stripper Carol Doda taught me, how fireworks produced our nervous daughter, woke people (over)respond to my road-kill-pigeon-funeral analysis, is a flamethrower totin' guy dressed as The Joker shooting fireballs at cars nuts, the 2nd Amendment, Creeping Charlie, my wife and a friend were stoned in Chinatown, why are actresses nearly naked at the Oscars and my newest client is 23 and has two pregnant girlfriends. You won't find all that anywhere else. Subscribe and THRIVE!  

In this episode I explain why I don't want patients to have my phone number (I screwed up someone's life), dementia and adult education, if intercourse is making love is foreplay making like, advise some murder mystery podcasters with a serious moral dilemma, discuss is stealing ideas immoral or just show business and read an excerpt from my I-made-up-a-horrible-childhood-backstory-so-you'll-feel-sorry-for-me-and-buy-my-book phony memoir called Forest of Ennui. It only takes 19 minutes you weren't going to be doing much with anyway. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

Some of you didn't listen closely enough to EP 89.  I was NOT kidnapped by circus animals, as I wrote in my phony autobiography, Forest of Ennui.  But thanks for your concern. One of you thinks I should give up on golf, I explain why I can't, we discuss why professional miniature golf was bad TV, why axe throwing in bars is fun but stay away from political arguments, a visit to the Bobblehead Museum in Milwaukee, I tell a lie but the Truth Monitor catches me, I counsel a Jewsih client worried that veggie bacon is an abomination, and guess why a Home Depot clerk reacted poorly to a client who might have been a psycho killer and the advice I gave to them and any angry people who want to shoot up public places all in 16 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

It's Lent.  I help a client pick what to give up to honor the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Another client had a DNA test- he is NOT Lutheran but Jewish. I advise on how to proceed. Someone wonders why Jesus appears to be a blue-eyed European and not a Middle Eastern Jew in the paintings. I have a theory. The worst mother-in-law ever! We may have found her. I devise a survival strategy for a new client. And another emailer wants to know if they saw the hand of God or Karma at work and it involves a dead cat. All in under 17 minutes accompanied by too many sound effects. Subscribe and THRIVE!  

In episode 92 I help a client who wants to identify as a Sapien instead of a huMAN, what we can learn about non-binary pronoun usage from Japanese people not being able to pronounce L's, why we need gender categories, what to do when your 8 year old sees a racist phrase on a school's bathroom wall, or what to think when a 3td grade teacher breast feeds her baby in class, and I try to help someone whose political ideology has warped their perception of Marjorie Taylor Greene and it's all over in just 17 minutes. It's good and it's good for you.  SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!!!!!  

Just in time for Easter--He IS Risen or He HAS Risen?  If we're banning books in schools should we start with THE HOLY BIBLE?  I read parts of it that are Hitchcock/Tarantino/50 Shades of Grey territory so you can decide. Can vegetarians opt out of the Lamb of God portions of the liturgy? Should there be peanut butter and mint jelly sandwiches? Are nuns the most vicious women on Earth? I discuss a psych experiement I remember that proved they just might be. You have problems, I have solutions. And in this episode I've taken the overuse of sound effects to an all new level. Best of all, it's all over in 17 minutes. So, who am I hurting? Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

In episode 94 we discuss if any or all the Gods exist and what that means for your weekend. A client worries her kids are addicted to video games and I assure her they are in league with the DEVIL and what she should do about it. Every generation thinks the next generation is destroying the culture. Are we right this time? Why I think the Second Coming (if the God that promised it exists) would be a good thing. Or at least good television. If we could ban lawn darts why can't we ban AR-15's? What does a riot at an Easter Egg hunt tell us about people? Is it fair to be punished for what you did in someone's dream? You have questions. I have answers. And it's all over in a snappy 18 minutes. SUBSCRIBE AND THRIVE!!!!!

In this episode I hear it from 2nd amendment types on banning Lawn Darts and AR-15s, why some should stay out of the gene pool, could we de-evolve and lose our opposable thumbs, the downside if Trump is in prison, I've ruined someone's relationship with his sons and apologize, should parents be their kids friends, what do dandelions and Jesuits converting native people's have to do with each other, are there places in Hell better than the bowels AND I give the commencement address our graduates need to hear but never do. All in less than 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!  

Did you know at night I fight crime wearing a Batman Halloween costume? It's just another way I am giving back. In episode 95 I gave a commencement address that some thought a tad pessimistic and I respond with ways our grads can change the world. Why am I agnostic? I explain. What would it take for me to believe in a God? What does it mean to be a man? I believe Artificial Intelligence will end the world. I make the argument to ban AI. AI has written symphonies but is really bad at jokes. I have the proof.  Would we ever know if we were invaded by aliens? Beyond burials and cremation what can we do to dispose of human bodies? You have questions, I have the answers in 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!!

In episode 98 I expose the world's greatest evil. His name is Jon Haney and I describe why. Why phone scams might mean the end of civilization. Is NPR a Debbie/Donald/They downer? Is it possible someone's name should disqualify them from being a pilot? Is Hell a dry or humid heat? What does the Bible have to say about that and how could it affect your lifestyle choices? Good intentions gone bad-I have scars. What's mreo important-- your intentions or results? Best punk band name ever? And why I am certainly voting for Biden, again. You have problems, I have solutions. Subscribe and THRIVE!   

In episode 99 I talk about some of my all-time favorite words, answer a devout Christian's challenge to Agnosticism and contention that America's divorce rate is high because we've turned our back on God, and warn her not to let her guard down because Satan (if he exists) is everywhere, discuss what it means if your marriage is blessed by God (if He exists), help a client whose comfort animal is a goldfish and needs to fly, advise a woman whose boyfriend is in love but she just likes the sex, and suggest what you should say to your younger self if you ever had the chance PLUS lots of sound effects. All in 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

In episode 100 we find out how easy we humans are to manipulate and one techinique to watch out for in particular, I had two women in the same comedy show audience who each shot a moose and what we can learn from them about climate change, I help a Baby Boomer with memory issues, explain why Jewish comics have a built in advanatge and talk from the heart, opening up like I never have before, about some family history and how it led me to being your Life Coach and Spiritual Guru.  And it's over before you know it.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!  

In this episode I respond to conservatives who believe liberals want to give sex toys to kindergartners, warn them they are going to Hell (if it exists) because of this lie, the what you win/what you lose equation for Drag Queen Story Hour performers reading to kids in libraries, I help a woman whose husband treats her like a verbal punching bag by targeting her with jokes and how to stop it, discuss the traits of resilient people and offer a newsletter tip sheet for unresilient people having trouble living in troubled times and reveal why a great uncle working for the Irish Mob in Chicago may have helped me become a Life Coach, all in under 17 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!!!

A shocking new revelation about the past has led me to seriously question my own memory and thus abilities to be a Life Coach. I'm asking myself questions like-Who am I? Do I really exist? Did I really get an archery merit badge while tripping on mescaline? Did I ever open for a magician named The Great Raspini? Can we even marginally trust the jury system and eye witness accounts? And why being a music snob and disc jockey helped me see how disco and the current state of the Republican Party are inextricably linked. Also, if you're dumping on Biden you're a knob. All in 16:16 of snappy paced banter. Subscribe and THRIVE!

In episode 103 I answer continuing questions from you listeners about my recent memory failings and credibility as a Life Coach and Spiritual Guru. My memory is fine. Can you recall with certainty what you wore to your High School Prom? I can. My pants were the color of Trix breakfast cereal and I have pictures to prove it. Although, I am pretty sure I never opened for the Great Raspini. So, yes, some past memories of mine might be... unfounded. Some of you were offended by my blaming disco for turning America to Reagan-- I explain the connection. And Baby Boomers--are we to blame for the world's ills? Younger generations think so and I set out to prove they are wrong... at least about a lot of us Boomers being the problem as well as which ones are to blame. But, if it's true we Boomers saw the the world's doors as always open to us I think I know why. All that in under 15 minutes. With Sound Effects galore. Subscribe and THRIVE!!! 

In episode #104 I respond to ongoing blowback from younger generations who want me to just "Die Baby Boomer, die."  If you hate disco is it because you're racist or homophobic?  Or just have good taste?  A new client has a dilemma over her daughter's unique name and that name being mocked by a former friend, I try to help by revisting the story of Udo Whonall.  Should a woman who stole a man from another woman attend that man's funeral if the woman who had him first insists the home wrecker not be there?  Why are Beatles records and funerals inextricably linked in my mind? Another new client wonders if the evil internet is spying on him or is he just being paranoid and what does all that have to do with enlarged prostates and self-examination?  All this happens in under 18 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!  Enlightenment is just a click away.

A client has asked his Life Coach/Spiritual Guru (me) to answer the most most provocative question I've ever been asked-"Is today's Uber Left too liberal to be critical of Muslims?"  In this episode I take the bait and skate out onto super thin ice to discuss the Left and Right, Muslims and Jews and Christians, Palestine and Israel, hot dogs vs. kabobs, Jesus vs. Muhammed, "The Blues Brothers" movie and the ACLU, the Immaculate Conception, kudzu vines, who owns the moon, maintaining your spot on the coach by saying "saved," why Catholics celebrate the day Jesus was born but not conceived, the funniest thing my daughter has ever said and more in an attempt to answer that question.  I sincerely apologize in advance if you hate my answer or for even having attempted one.  And all that happens in just 17 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!  

In episode 106 I respond to negative feedback about episode 105 and just let me say, to the Uber Left, if you're all about protecting the oppressed... protect me because now I am the oppressed... by you.  Also, is religion 'a' or 'the' problem in the world?  What is the true meaning of Christmas for Americans?  I have audio of my then 6 year old daughter describing exactly what Christmas means and it's adorable.  Can a whole ethnicity ever be said to be bad drivers and it not be racist?  Does emotion mess up your perception of reality?  And would an AI remake of "It's A Wonderful Life" into "It's A Wonderful Lust" starring Donna Reed and Jimmy Stewart as you've never seen them before be immoral or the best Christmas movie ever?  This is 16 minutes you won't mind wasting.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!

Wouldn't it be nice to know what the future holds?  Well, now you can.  In this episode I give my annual "They will all come true or your money back, totally guaranteed" predictions for 2024.  Find out who will be President, the new changes in baseball, what new crypto currencies to avoid, the next steps in climate change, will Aaron Rodgers ever shut up, will there be a gay float in the Macy's Day Parade and many more bankable prognostications for the next twelve months.  I know the future.  Now you can, too.  Did you ever think I'd find a religion I could recommend?  I have and my support for this religion hinges on a friend who played hockey without a cup and how that relates to Deuteronomy 23:1.  All this in just 15 minutes.  So much to gain, nothing to lose--Subscribe and THRIVE!   

Did you know the Boy Scout Motto is one of my life's guiding concepts but not the Boy Scout Oath?  What does trying to save a drowning person and talking to a Trump Supporter have in common?  An angry wife whose husband called her an "old bag" on vacation asks for some quick help to save that vacation.  I have a solution.  What does the Pony Express have to do with the phrase "old bag?"  Is it ever good to return a hurtful comment with a hurtful comment?  A listenr wonders why their doctor doesn't check his prostate anymore and I try to help explain it.  Do you have a prostate exam joke ready to go at your yearly check up?  I do.  How does your voting history affect whether you get a prostrate exam?  Can you raise a moral person without religion?  What is the only downside to having raised my daughter without any awareness of God?  An evangelical Christian with bowel issues asks if there is any situation where it is OK to lie.  Is lying to a spouse the same sin as lying to a stranger on a bus?  Does Ohio have a problem?  You've got questions.  I've got answers.  Subscribe and THRIVE!

You've heard of the Emergency Broadcast Sytem?  The FCC has chosen my podcast to be part of the Emergency Podcast System and I am very pleased to help out.  A client wants to sue after getting into an accident after reading one of those funny road signs some cities and states put up. I give advice. A mother wanted help getting their son's teacher to give him a better grade and I respond. A new client has a morality question about one of the most unique problems I've ever heard concerning playing online poker against an unaware neighbor and binoculars. Ever see an old lady have to crawl away from the communion rail because she couldn't stand up? Is it wrong to find it funny? What would Jesus do? Did Jesus ever make body noise? Would it be funny? What was the worst introduction I was ever given as a comedian? And I use more SFX in this episode than any other. Subscribe and THRIVE!!! 

This episode is either my most audacious or obnoxious effort yet. Perhaps both. YOU DECIDE! I respond to those who say I should quit "this charade," help a client not worry about Biden's age by explaining he is not actually driving the nation's bus and make an elaborate and calming Star Wars analogy as to which of that movie's characters Biden represents, and somehow Bill Clinton, interns, the Communications act of 1996, how FOX became a thing, unintended consequences that drove down our national IQ, Lent and chocolate, Trump's character, an artificial intelligence TV commercial with Jesus Christ endorsing a presidential candidate and more all gets packed into a SFX laden mashup that's over in just 17 minutes. You don't have much to lose. SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!!!!!

In this episode I discuss what Catholic nuns and OJ Simspon/Trump-type lawyers have in common as do Purgatory and the Baseball HOF, how to get into Heaven without having accepted Jesus as your personal savior, more on the perils of Artificial Intelligence ruining politics, help a 76 yr. old client update their resume for today's work environment and give kindergartners Life Coach advice via a cautionary fairy tale, as well as describe the worst experience I EVER HAD as a parent and how you can avoid it happening to you, all in under 19 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!   

Right after Easter I got pleas for help from clients whose family members wanted to make their Easter dinners more and/or less religious imbued.  This is why I am a Life Coach.  And I think I have solved the problem for future get togethers on religious holidays.  Also, in the Biblical epic The Greatest Story Ever Told why didn't John Wayne play Jesus?  Could Jesus fly if He wanted to?  I give the elevator pitch for Christianity.  What are the best questions you have ever asked for help with?  And why did the USA fall to 23rd place in the lastest World Happiness Report?  I know who and what to blame.  All that in under 15 minutes.  So, what else were you going to do with that time?  Subscribe and THRIVE!  

A client, who grew up in a family that teased hard, often and at each other's expense, wonders if he has crossed the line with a friend or was she being too sensitive.  I try to help him be sure his attempts at humor don't go too far.  I describe the worst thing that I have ever heard of said on a comedy club stage and how it might have affected the price of gasoline.  Is it ever OK to use that horrible word that women hate?  Does foreign royalty deserve the royal treatment here like they get in their messed up homeland?  Did I ever tell you about the time my wife almost killed me on our honeymoon?  Have you ever been saved from sure death by a Fig Newton?  All this in just over 19 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

Reaction to the previous episode was that I veer into odd tangents and in this episode I correct that.  I also respond to my comedian friend who says I demeaned him in 113, that the Saudi Princess totally deserved to be called a ____ and he is not the psychopath I portayed him to be. Well, let's discuss that.  Would at least one of the million monkeys in a room with a million typewriters come up with Shakespeare, as the famous adage claims?  I explain why that's doubtful and how it would be different if they used Bonobos.  Does everyone have their own version of the truth?  Frozen embryos are humans in Alabama now-what's next if we allow religion to be politics and how that could affect the tax code?  I help a client decide if he should get out of a relationship with a drunken big mouth. AND you just won't believe what famous actor is my new patient, coming to me, looking for help.  Subscribe and THRIVE!  

In this episode I prove Artificial Intelligence is the devil we should fear the most by recounting my experience with a cyber hottie named Tess who recently tried to seduce me online. I subjected myself to this exprience so you won't have to. And trust me... Tess was all kind of bizarre... scantily clad AND religious! Thankfully, I can see through the current flailing failings of AI but in the future it will be more subtle and effective and men will become its willing slaves. Also, someone wants help with what to and not to put on their headstone and I help as well as provide an alternative to burial. And it all takes less time than most oil changes. Subscribe and THRIVE! 

In this episode I make the case Broadway musicals have ruined America, why Mamma Mia is torture, suggest a solution to the situation in Gaza, discuss sibling fighting and how it relates to world history, describe when a nation knows they've lost the fight, deflate a conservative religious argument for God not being evil, make the case for religion BEING the problem, and suggest what to make of a mystery mourner that showed up to a funeral and didn't introduce themselves, all in under 15 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!  

If someone door dents your car what does the Bible say about you key scratching theirs?  Vengeance and smiting are discussed.  Could inflammatory rhetoric from Biden and the Left have motivated the Trump shooter?  When is it OK to call a fascist a fascist?  Discussing politics in the work lunchrrom-bad idea?  Should Trump's reaction to being shot disqualify him from being President?  If Hitler is involved do any ends justify the means of removing Hitler?  Presidential debates are worthless unless we include the Truth Monitor.  Hear how it sound to have one going during the last presidential debate.  All this in just 14 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

Some people love the Olympics for the gymnastics. Others, just don't get it. Should this lead to divorce? Should the hammer throw use a real hammer? If you didn't know you can make your own tartar sauce are you an idiot? If you're good at playing brew pub trivia does that mean you're smart? Can you turn a disatrous wedding into a goldmine? Do you have 15 minutes to throw away? Subscribe and THRIVE!!! 

In this episode I help a client whose husband has a medical issue she wants to discuss with him but is having.a hard time bringing up.  A Democratic strategist wants to know how long they should use "weird" to describe Republicans.  I advise on that as well as suggest alternatives.  By using "weird" are Democrats going negative or just being honest?  A senior needs to go back to work and I help modernize his resume. And a listener suggests the only spiritual advice anyone needs is-"What would Jesus do?"  Well, if Jesus were alive today... would he take selfies?  How would he act in traffic?  I analyze the situation.  And you only waste 18 minutes of your time to get all that done.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!!

If the business of America truly is business then wouldn't it follow you could sell advertising space on your headstone?  I have an answer.  Also, the worst obituary ever published, what one cemetery is doing to have a revenue stream other than death, what kind of businesses would benefit from selling THC beverages, the only (but huge) mistake Coca-Cola ever made, are you breaking your marital vows if you want a sleep divorce, why frontier/pioneer families often had 20-30 kids, why conservatives continue to believe Trump's lies and what that has to do with the Bible and some wild digressions by me that suggest ADD or mild schizophrenia in just 20 minutes. SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!!!!!

This election is going to be the most important of our lives and in this episode I give a non-partisan reason for voting for Harris that involves Arnold Palmer.  Like Trump, I too, saw Arnie in a golf course locker room and I want you to know what I thought.  Are you happy with the quality of people who run for Congress?  If not I have a new form of government you might like.  And I have proof that Artificial Intelligence is incompetent, if an AI generated email I got is any indication.  And it's all over in 17 minutes.  You can't lose.  SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!!!! 

In episode 122 I try my darndest to help clients suffering from post election PTSD and pretty much fail. I'm too pissed off myself. But I do grapple with can you fix dumb, should we try to understand the other side, are one issue voters the problem, why does the working class stab themselves in the back, do most Americans hate smart people, is someone with a combover a pathological liar, is there no level of hypocrisy the right won't sink to, what can the gateway theory of communication teach us about today's political climate, what will conservatives say when America goes over the cliff, does the Old Testament advise women to use the rhythm method of contraception, is there a Hail Mary pass to make to thwart the Trump Agenda and what album do I listen to that always gives me peace and serenity?  All that in under 19 minutes.  SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!!!!!  

Does America want politics to be a reality game show? Was Biden competent but boring? A client has a mother-in-law that criticizes her driving. I offer some solutions that involve air bags. Another client's fiance has a tattoo of his past girlfriend that is a problem and she's thinking of calling off the wedding. I might have a work around. For the first time I am thinking of getting some tattoos for very practical reasons that might be helpful for many of us. Does God hate sex? What do the Amish do on the wedding night? Are erotic dreams the work of Satan? And what is the real purpose of saying a prayer before bed? All that and more in just 18:12. Subscribe and THRIVE. The best thriving EVER!

Just in time for the holidays, especially if you want to hear something that has very little to do with the holidays, comes a new episode briefly touching on Trump cabinet picks, I help someone who thinks they're the victim of ageism, a gym teacher who endured a serious dodgeball accident, possible jobs for retirement age Baby Boomers, the dangers of senior porn, the slowest standing ovation in comedy history, how to get young people to watch the evening news, are tattoos now necessary to be relevant, what if your last name is Alzheimer or Hitler, surgical mistakes and how to avoid them and what every pregnant woman should do before going to the hospital. All that in just over 18 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE! 

Want to make some money?  My 2025 predictions for the new year come with a money back guarantee.  Want to know what insanity Trump says in his inauguration speech?  I've seen the future and share it with you.  I also help a client who doesn't want to go back to the office as his company is demanding.  Should he quit if they don't let him telecommute?  Are small towns really safer?  Why do some people in small towns freak out?  What does rural Illinois in January have in common with the moon?  AI can do some impressive things but I still know it's the devil in disguise and will end human creativity if we use it.  I describe why the human creative spirit should never be taken out of the equation and the best example in human history of how we get it right.  Would AI ever create the Beatles or even the Monkees or even Beatlemania?  Would you watch a movie mashup called "Whatever Happened to Rosemary's Baby Jane?"  Can AI do standup comedy?  The joke I love the most is sacrilegious but would it ever come my way if AI was in charge?  All this in under 19 minutes.  What do you have to lose (other than that)?  Subscribe and THRIVE! 

Do you need to be dirty to be relevant in today's media climate?  I attempt to straddle the clean/dirty divide.  Does anybody fall for Artificial Intelligence online sex come ons?  Did AI Lisa really make those bikini pictures "just for" me? Are conservatives more likely to fall for AI falsehoods?  How does the Left fight back for the next four years?  A client who wants to gift money to just his family members who are not homophobes (others are) asks for help.  I offer a unique solution.  Do the ends ever justify the means?  Will the murderer who killed the health insurance CEO ever be seen as a folk hero?  Why are "Star Wars," "High Noon," "Ghandi," and Switzerland in my response?  Is the weight loss drug Wegovy the answer to the question "Is big government the answer?"  All this and more in just 20 minutes.  You've done worse things with your time.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!  

OK, this might be the strangest episode yet.  I've either lost my mind or figured out the real reason Trump won. Either way, this one's unique. Also, some of you wondered if you didn't like the Super Bowl half time show does that make you a racist. Is fantasy oxygen for the psyche and the key to our well being? Does religion provide that daily dose of the fantastic and minus religion do we seek fantasy elsewhere in a secular world? Why are there roller coasters on cruise ships? If I went to a Renaissance Festival dressed as Mr. Spock would that be a cruel joke on the maidens faire and scurvy knaves? Does it make sense to talk about "The Odyssey" and "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer" in the same paragraph? And it's all over in under 20 minutes. SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!!!! 

Can an aging senior with memory issues navigate the digital world?  I offer a solution.  A new client had an affair with a married man. Now her religious parents are furious, her lover is over the top mad she let her parents find out, his wife hates my client and has sunk into depression and this client wants to know what to do. My path forward is an outside the box approach that just might thread the needle. Have you ever seen a sentence with three cliches? In episode 127 I infuriated some political conservatives and country music fans and to make up for that unintended slight I wrote and recorded a song to show I do love country music and use it to sincerely apologize to them. My new song is called "We Thank God For Being an American" and I am very proud of it. In fact, I think I may have a hit on my hands. Please take a listen and let me know what you think. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!

Some of you loved my song "We Thank God For Being An American" from the last episode while others were incensed.  I try to apologize.  Did you know the Biblical context for "virgin" just meant a young woman?  Should you always go along with a crowd giving a standing ovation even if you were not that impressed?  Are Nazi analogies fair or overused?  Has politics become another form of entertainment and what to do about it?  If a biological male self-identifies as a female whose pregnant should HR grant maternity leave?  If I swung at a throw over to first base to end a game in Little League was I an idiot or overly optmistic?  People have questions, I have answers.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!   

Would you believe a Christian gospel musical group has recorded a song called "Tim Bedore is Going to Hell?"  They are trying to smite thine enemy through song.  Well, not only do I play their song in this episode but encourage all of you to call Christian music radio stations and request they play it.  Someone has taken issue with my getting a daily dose of fantasy from religion or Trump concept and this time their rejection of me really stings.  Are Uber liberals capable of clinging to absurd fantasy rationalization?  Can you be a moral person if you like the work of an immoral person?  I have an idea on how to deal with this dilemma. If all 170 episodes of Green Acres can fit on a tiny thumb drive have we just witnessed a miracle?  I also welcome a new sponsor-Big Lake Lager-The Only Beer With The Slight Taste of Fish and it's all over in under 20 minutes.  Subscribe and THRIVE!!! 

A frustrated client lives on a golf course and has had it with hearing angry golfers outside his windows all day.  I help him understand why golfers sound so unhappy and what he might be able to do about it.  Someone wants to hear my impersonation of Pee Wee Herman singing the National Anthem and I oblige.  Is there any justification to deny a U.S. citizen the right to vote?  I think I have one.  What should people do on a cruise ship vacation instead of buying art?  Would Percival the Merciful ever beat Vlad the Impaler in a free and fair election?  What's wrong with people?  Subscribe and THRIVE!  All you have to lose is about 17 minutes. 

We're through 2025's commencement address season. I don't mind lofty ideals and encouraging words but isn't a dose of realism also needed?  And that's where I come in.  My first attempts at Life Coaching might be in this unsolicited commencement address to our nation's grads as heard in my weekly feature Vague But True on the the Bob and Tom Show in 2005.  20 years later, was I right?  On tattoos I'll admit I was probably wrong.