What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't

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Relationships matter. Do you want to know the nitty gritty of what makes a relationship work? Get your answers to relationship questions. Learn how to keep respect alive & well, because lack of respect is why people get divorced.  Learn what builds trust & how to recover from infidelity, drama or co…

Rhoda Sommer on Relationships


    • May 13, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • every other week NEW EPISODES
    • 27m AVG DURATION
    • 143 EPISODES

    4.6 from 242 ratings Listeners of What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't that love the show mention: practical advise, healthy relationships, couples, easy to digest, examples, homework, partner, conversational, issues, movies, honest, useful, would love, earth, point, short, advice, real, insightful, relatable.


    Ivy Insights

    The What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't podcast is an incredibly informative and insightful show that delves deep into the complexities of relationships. Rhoda Sommer, the host, provides valuable advice and guidance on how to navigate the challenges and constant evolution of relationships.

    One of the best aspects of this podcast is its ability to provide a renewed perspective on relationships. Listeners are reminded that relationships take work and effort, but they also have the potential for growth and improvement. The show emphasizes the importance of self-discovery and personal development in order to be a better partner. Additionally, the diverse range of topics covered in each episode ensures that there is something for everyone. From discussions about attachment styles to exploring what we can learn from LGBTQ+ couples, this podcast offers a holistic approach to understanding relationships.

    However, one small drawback of the podcast is that sometimes it feels like Rhoda is reading from a script or notes. While her content is still valuable, this speaking style may not resonate with all listeners who prefer a more conversational tone. It would be great if there were more guest speakers invited onto the show, as their perspectives could provide additional depth and variety to the discussions.

    In conclusion, The What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't podcast is an essential listen for anyone seeking to improve their relationship skills and gain insights into maintaining healthy partnerships. With its practical advice, thought-provoking topics, and emphasis on personal growth, this podcast has undoubtedly helped many individuals navigate challenging times in their lives. Rhoda Sommer's dedication to providing valuable content shines through each episode, making it a highly recommended listen for those interested in relationship dynamics.



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    Latest episodes from What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't

    My Decade Behind The Mic On Relationships and 40+ Years As A Therapist

    Play Episode Listen Later May 13, 2025 18:33


     There have been a lot of experiments on my path to becoming a therapist over the last 40 years. And I am celebrating a decade of podcasting in April of 2025. Making uncertainty bearable in order to take risks, experimenting with choices and exploring is the best path to find your best life. My podcast isn't about changing the essence of who you are. It's about becoming more whole, adding to your abilities not subtracting them

    Survive Cheating: Transform Pain into Growth

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 30, 2025 52:15


    Today we tackle one of the most painful and challenging experiences anyone can face in a relationship—infidelity. If you've found yourself navigating the emotional turmoil that comes with betrayal, you're not alone. Infidelity shakes up the very foundation of trust & turns the world upside down. We'll dive into the complexities of infidelity and how to start the process of recovery, whether you're the one betrayed or the one who broke the trust.

    Money Matters in Love: How to Overcome Financial Struggles Together

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 16, 2025 46:58


    We're diving into one of the most challenging yet crucial aspects of any relationship, managing money. If you are sharing finances with someone, financial struggles are bound to come up at some point. Money touches almost every part of our lives. And when couples aren't on the same page about how to manage it, stress can quickly build.

    Stop the Cycle: How to Handle Conflict and Reduce Resentments

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 2, 2025 36:02


    Couples never fighting, means at least one person is catering too much by swallowing their disagreement, which makes things so not interesting. So it may have the appearance of constant joy, but underneath, unspoken resentments are piling up because pretending the differences are not there doesn't work over the long haul. Listen & learn how to make conflict be respectful and not destructive. 

    Elevating Love: How Growth, Responsibility & Purpose Strengthen Bonds

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 19, 2025 43:28


    Growth in love requires openness to change, the willingness to challenge old patterns, and the courage to embrace transformation in the pursuit of something greater. It is the conscious effort to evolve together that truly sustains a relationship. Relationships flourish when both partners take accountability seriously.

    TRUST IN LOVE & LIFE: How to build, keep & Repair it

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 5, 2025 48:37


    Trust is basic to the infrastructure of every relationship. Trust goes beyond simple honesty. Trust opens the doors to vulnerability & deeper intimacy. Trust means we are able to share our deepest fears, dreams & our true selves which leads to stronger connections that stand the test of time.

    Women Finding Love: The Ultimate Guide to Successful Dating

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 19, 2025 39:33


    Dating can be exhausting. Meeting people & dating is a messy business. We humans desire connection so let's improve your odds for success with online dating. Dating can be confusing with so many choices, the search for a partner can feel like an endless series of trial & error. It can leave you wondering if the right person will ever show up!

    Attachment Anxiety: How Insecurities Affect Your Relationship

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 5, 2025 47:01


    Only  38% of Americans say they have a secure attachment style. This episode will explore all the ways our insecurities contribute to our struggles with having healthy relationships. Our insecurities contaminate our relationships and any ability to see things clearly. Our insecurities make us want to leap into the arms of any nearby rescuer/prince to fix our unhappiness. Our insecurities twist us into pretzels of doubt. It is a mindset that creates obstacles to secure attachment.

    GET CONNECTED TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 22, 2025 42:04


    Learning how to be better connected to yourself and others is the key to everything you want. There is nothing more important than relationships and they can be very bewildering. We are often mystified and confused trying to understand ourselves. We find it hard to forgive or even give others the benefit of the doubt in these polarized times. Our disconnections are too plentiful and the easiest thing to do.

    Codependency: Losing Track of You in Relationships & How to find yourself again

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 2, 2025 24:21


    Listen if you are wondering how to determine how much is too much codependency or suspect you are codependent then you may have neglected too many important parts of your own life. Like a juggler in the circus you need to be aware of your own needs not just your partners and sense when you've begun to lose track of yourself.

    Navigating Common LGBTQ+ Challenges: Solutions for a Better Future

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 4, 2024 43:41


    We delve into the experiences of the LGBTQ+ community, focusing on the common challenges faced and the innovative solutions that are paving the way for a brighter future. Whether you're a member of the LGBTQ+ community, an ally, or someone looking to deepen your understanding, this episode promises to offer valuable insights and actionable advice.

    Compulsive Behaviors including Sex Addiction & Pornography: How to Make Progress in Recovery

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 19, 2024 54:44


    Both pornography & sexual addiction are very challenging issues for couples. There can be real communication challenges because porn use & sex addiction can make communication about intimacy and sexual preferences impossible. Individuals may find it difficult to discuss their feelings or concerns openly, fearing judgment or rejection. Shame makes this difficult to admit, even to therapists.

    Key Couples Skills for Lasting Love

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 30, 2024 58:01


    Relationships take work, like anything worthwhile. This episode is going to help you develop skills as a couple. Just like the work of flossing your teeth is better than just brushing, there are skills one or both of you can learn to improve your relationships. Building trust is not an act of magic, it is built on being honest about disagreement and transparency. Creating a solid foundation that helps both of you feel like you are a team is a huge accomplishment.

    Stress Less: Strategies to Soothe Your Brain and Find Balance

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 16, 2024 46:37


    Stress, is the ever-present companion for most of us in our daily lives. Chronic or excessive stress can take a toll on our physical and mental well-being. Your Brain can be an extremely useful tool in reducing stress. Relieve stress and you will enjoy life & live longer. In today's episode, we delve into the fascinating relationship between stress and the brain, exploring how this intricate dance shapes our mental and physical well- being.

    Low Sexual Desire & What To Do About It

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 1, 2024 60:39


    Sexual well being can relieve stress & contributes to bonding with your partner. Yet it's so easy to give up and not even try to begin talking about it. It's the lack of communication about sex that is the real problem. Pleasure is the measure according to Emily Nagoski. Learn how to improve your sex life.

    Unlocking Emotional Intelligence: Improving You & Your Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 9, 2024 58:11


     Understanding our own emotions is a whole lot of work, much less understanding someone else's.  Understanding our own emotions is a whole lot of work, much less understanding someone else's. The process of successful communication and negotiation are closely linked to high levels of EQ. The good news is you can improve your emotional intelligence.

    Navigating Relationships: Understanding Expectations and Projections

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 20, 2024 47:44


    Listen to understand projections & expectations which impact all of our relationships. We all have selfish expectations that cloud our perceptions. If we lack self-awareness then there is even more at stake. We all project aspects of ourselves onto other people, especially the parts of ourselves we don't take ownership of…which easily contaminates relationships.  

    Thriving Together: Relationship Fun Essentials

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 31, 2024 46:17


    Fun is something that is all too often missing in relationships.Over several decades when I've asked couples, what do you want to do for fun as a couple, not as a family? The response is often blank looks or a downcast glance at feet. It was Plato who said, you can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

    Attachment Anxiety: Tackling Insecurities for Healthy Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 10, 2024 54:23


    Attachment anxiety. Tackling insecurities for healthy relationships. Insecurities can rob us as individuals and in relationships. Insecurities feed everything from a shopping addiction so you look good on the outside or a secret life of porn because real people are confusing and too messy. Fighting our insecurities is a battle all of us share.

    MORE FORGIVING LOVE

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 19, 2024 34:41


    Learn how to be more forgiving in love. Whether you are discouraged about dating or questioning whether your relationship is good enough, we've got some great answers in our interview today. Love sets up a lot of expectations beginning with our own fantasies of what love is supposed to be. When the truth is real love is deciding to do the work of being a better person because you love somebody else.

    BUILDING STRONGER CONNECTIONS WHEN YOUR PARTNER WANTS MORE

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 4, 2024 50:21


    Connection is a tricky business. Creating and maintaining genuine connections within relationships is a multifaceted challenge that holds profound importance in our lives. The intricate dance of understanding, empathy, and communication often proves to be a mystery to all of us. Miscommunications, differing perspectives, and the complexities of individual personalities can leave us confused as to what happened. 

    Healing from Within: Understanding Self-Forgiveness

    Play Episode Listen Later May 20, 2024 51:24


    Self-Forgiveness is an essential aspect of personal growth and well-being, as it enables individuals to move forward, heal, and cultivate a positive relationship with themselves. Forgiving oneself is important because it allows individuals to break free from the shackles of self-blame and regret. We all make mistakes, experience failures, and engage in behaviors we later feel really bad about.

    Breaking Down Barriers: Overcoming Challenges in Sexual Intimacy

    Play Episode Listen Later May 1, 2024 56:22


    Our sex lives are too easy to leave behind. It's so easy to make excuses & dismiss opportunity with “I'm too tired.” Going without sex for long periods of time creates feelings of hurt & rejection that pile up to destroy connectedness. If a couple is unable to talk about sex then negative assumptions are silently stashed.

    Communication Breakdown: Overcoming Challenges in High-Conflict Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 16, 2024 49:05


    Everybody can get stuck in repeating patterns of ugly disagreement. Frustrations run high & solutions seem impossible. Communication can so easily break down for so many reasons. The intensity of the unhappiness that never gets resolved leads to a familiar stickiness that neither feels able to dig out of... The good news is it is possible!

    Feelings Unleashed: Understanding & Harnessing Emotions

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 26, 2024 27:28


    Emotions are messy and confusing - they can so easily take us for a ride. Loneliness can carry us into bad relationships. Our fears can keep us isolated. Our shame can ruthlessly feed self-doubt & self-torture. Our resentments & anger can keep us stuck. We are unable to communicate decently if we don't have emotional balance. Listen & learn what to do about this difficult business of emotions.

    Shame's Stranglehold On You & Your Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 5, 2024 50:53


    Shame strikes at the core of an individual's self-worth. When individuals feel ashamed, they believe that they, themselves, are bad, rather than simply acknowledging that they have done something wrong, which is why shame can be a massive roadblock to healing for so many people.

    DENIAL & SELF-DECEPTION DAMAGE RELATIONSHIPS

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 8, 2024 54:02


    Accepting reality and acknowledging one's strengths and weaknesses is essential for personal development. By denying or distorting reality, individuals may miss opportunities for growth, self-improvement, and reaching their full potential. So lying to ourselves definitely stunts our growth.

    How Couples Can Win with Finances

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 16, 2024 47:35


    Money & how to manage this difficult subject as a team instead of ignoring the problems or constantly fighting. Money is a powerful force that touches every aspect of our lives, and when it comes to romantic partnerships, it can be a source of unity or division. 

    In Pursuit of Wellness: Finding Your Best Therapist Match

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 2, 2024 18:07


    Therapy is a process that has to be honest…it is both an art & a science in my mind. It is impossible to grow if both of your feet are in comfort & support. You need to straddle the line between support, safety & being challenged or uncomfortable. Therapy requires that you be uncomfortable to learn new ways to look at yourself.

    From Clashes to Connection: Using Disagreement to Deepen Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2023 49:55


    Agreement and harmony are too often celebrated as the cornerstones of strong relationships, it is only in the presence of healthy disagreement that truly adds depth, resilience, and growth to these bonds. Disagreement, when approached constructively and respectfully, can foster better understanding, promote critical thinking, and lead to enhanced empathy and connection. When people stop avoiding hard conversations and plunge in to the risk of disagreement there is a deep richness to the more honest conversation.

    Sleep: Separating Fact from Fiction for Better Sleep and Stronger Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2023 41:06


    Sleep is a universal experience that affects everyone. Sleep is particularly relevant to relationships, as poor sleep habits can impact both partners and cause relationship stress. Sleep disorders can also affect sexual intimacy, emotional regulation, and communication within relationships.

    Building Trust: The Foundation of Strong Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 23, 2023 43:13


    Trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship. It gives it its foundation, making sure everything else can fall into place and stay there. Without trust, relationships don't stand much chance for success - infidelity or poor communication can lead to disputes which often cause hurt feelings on both sides involved. So if you're looking for advice on building trustworthy bonds with those around you then come join us as we explore all aspects related to creating such an environment!

    Unlocking The Secret To No More Arguing

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 2, 2023 48:46


    Couples need guidance for navigating conflict wisely and skillfully. Hearing what someone has to say is integral in communication, particularly when working through a conflict. Being able to really listen and take in another person's perspective can be the difference between resolving an argument or making it worse. Good listening means hearing them out without judgment, being curious instead of critical. Curiosity keeps the door open. Criticalness slams the door shut. 

    Relationships with Yourself & Others While In Recovery

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 12, 2023 20:36


    Recovery can be very difficult because of shame. Shame is an obstacle to healing for everybody. How do you face hard truths about your own dark side without drowning in the shame? Learn how to balance the footprint of shame that stomps on your soul. The only way to continue to respect that your partner's generosity is used up is to recognize that actions speak louder than words. The work of recovery is totally worth it!

    IMPROVE PARENTING TEENS & REDUCE STRESS ON COUPLES

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 21, 2023 43:17


    Parenting teens can be a struggle and an additional stress on relationships. Your sweet easy to maneuver children turn into road blocks & obstacles. Parents wonder what happened & where did they go wrong. It's really not about what went wrong it's about understanding you've entered a new world and you have to find the flexibility to do things differently. Teens are hungry for respect & the power to decide things.

    Relationship Goals: Prioritizing Personal Fulfillment for Lasting Love

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 31, 2023 46:09


    We'll explore how prioritizing our own personal growth and self-care can translate into stronger and more fulfilling relationships with our partners. We'll also be sharing tips and strategies for cultivating a sense of inner fulfillment and well-being, and how to apply these principles to our relationships.

    Unpacking The Benefits Of A Healthy Sex Life

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 11, 2023 55:38


     Insights from a Sex Therapist Expert. Why not prioritize your sex life and wellness? Listen if you are curious about how your sex life stacks up against the rest of America.  Did you know that men feel greater distress when they're not content with their sex life? Communication is key if you are looking to improve satisfaction in your sexual relationship.

    Creating A More Satisfying Relationship

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 21, 2023 32:43


    Relationships can be very confusing. We are taught reading, science, history & if we are lucky sex ed but not anything about what creates trust, why repair is important or how to communicate especially when we are vulnerable. Learning about connections, how to build them & keep them is sorely missing. This episode will fill that knowledge gap! 

    How To Make Conflict Work For Real Intimacy

    Play Episode Listen Later May 30, 2023 32:41


    We all believe it is ideal not to fight, this is complete fantasy. The only way to have real intimacy is to be authentic about our differences instead of swallowing our secret truths. We all want to avoid the messiness of conflict and being uncomfortable which is short term thinking. We all make excuses easily "I didn't want to hurt you" which is really about avoiding hard conversations which leads to a mountain of resentments long term.

    Embracing Conflict To Improve Your Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2023 0:23


    People love to avoid conflict because it is messy. Conflict makes people uncomfortable and they don't like not knowing what will happen. Conflict is really important to growing up. My definition of growing up is honestly facing painful situations. Conflict offers an opportunity to grow up, and it's certainly not easy. Learn in this episode how to step into conflict in a respectful way.

    CULTURE AS A CONNECTION COUPLES CAN SHARE

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2023 66:30


    There are different ways for couples to be connected; mutual religion as a shared values system, all the many physical activities of tennis, rock climbing, dancing or kayaking. Having shared connections of the ways you enjoy life together really matters. Culture offers so much to anyone as an individual or as a couple. David Brooks describes a piece of art…"as a portal to a deeper realm of the mind…art has the potential to humanize the beholder.”

    Ingredients for Relationship Longevity; Imagination, Attention & Gumption

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 27, 2023 22:43


    Longevity in relationships slips so easily through our fingers, it's not a simple or small achievement, unless one partner is almost always submissive & not resentful about their wants being ignored. Two adults who are equal in sharing power over priorities, values & decision making have to be involved in constant work together over the decades. This requires partners have imagination, attention & gumption.

    Empowering Men To Understand Problems In Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 1, 2023 35:30


    This episode is for men who want to do better but don't begin or to know how & their partners who love them.  Women often feel misunderstood & men feel like “What more can I do?” and giving up becomes the path with the least pain attached. This episode is to give men guidance on how to grow into even better versions of themselves…which I believe is the great purpose of relationships.

    EXHAUSTED WOMEN & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 1, 2023 37:07


    Tiredness is often a triangle of trouble that includes guilt & fears. Wading through those feelings is no small task. They stick to your soul like gum on the bottom of your shoe & contaminate your belief in yourself. It helps to remember that your feelings are not facts. Thoughtfully consider what is the evidence for your feelings & don't put so much weight on them as accurate.

    MOTIVATION FOR THE WORK OF LOVE

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 2, 2023 23:16


    What motivates you to have a better relationship or even a better life? Because it will take work. Do you do the work of loving someone? It's work to accept the parts you find annoying or tedious - it's work to make yourself understood - it's work to listen to disagreement - it's work to respect the differences. It's work to to survive important values collisions. It's work in a frantic/busy life to find one-on-one time to deepen your relationship instead of avoiding difficult conversations. 

    Let's Talk About Online Dating & The Data

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 1, 2022 36:15


    Dating is really hard work because there is so much uncertainty. Dating is a dance of two people not knowing each other & trying to figure out is it worth spending more of your precious time with this person. It takes time to really know someone. Dating can be both exhausting & discouraging if your interest is not reciprocated. Today's interview is with the Head of Global Communications for OKCUPID.

    Male Depression & Emotional Inexpressiveness

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 1, 2022 47:46


    Often men keep from being vulnerable by being vague, especially about feelings. Feelings are avoided because they are confusing or hard to identify. Men often aren't encouraged to talk about their feelings. In fact, they're sometimes discouraged from doing so. Additionally, men often tend to shy away from vulnerable conversations. This cultural expectation can easily make things more difficult for men in relationships.

    Understanding The Relationships Between Top Dogs & People-pleasers

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 3, 2022 18:50


    This is an ordinary relationship pattern and it offers a real opportunity for both people to grow & improve who they are. People-pleasers of course go along to get along, they are helpful & kind & often neglect their own needs. A Top Dog goes after their own wants with clarity & drive, and they can neglect others before they will neglect themselves. Opposites attract is exactly why this is a pattern that can be observed in so many relationships.

    Sex & Sexual Desire in Long Term Relationships

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 2, 2022 51:45


    Sexuality is a complex, crucial activity. Only on television where couples reach maximum orgasm easily. Our interest in sex naturally ebbs and flows over the course of a long- term relationship as we age or deal with life changes— It's important to keep in mind that researchers have reliably found that individuals who accept these fluctuations as normal and natural are more sexually satisfied when they hit a bump.

    People-pleasing In Relationships & What To Do About It

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2022 49:20


    People-pleasing is all about being heavily lopsided in pleasing others as a way of gaining their approval & maintaining relationships. People-pleasing is of course on a continuum, at work in a subordinate role & to fit in socially it is very useful. Less useful are those people-pleasers who end up erasing their authentic self in relationships. People-pleasers have to learn to make conflict & disagreement bearable because this is normal. Stop & consider that conflict increases intimacy & your relationships will be less superficial.

    MANIPULATION IN ALL IT'S COMPLEXITY

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 5, 2022 52:03


    Everybody manipulates to get what they want, even 3 year olds. Manipulation is part of our defense system. Manipulation are ways to win, to have power & control. There are caring & acceptable ways in trying to win games or a politician trying to win votes. Negative manipulations are all about avoiding vulnerablity & having power over others to win. There is always a choice to manipulate with caring or fighting dirty.

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