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Best podcasts about market media

Latest podcast episodes about market media

The CMO Show
The future of retail media with Coles360

The CMO Show

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 17, 2024 33:45


When it comes to disruption, retail media might take the cake – it's a fast growing space transforming right before our eyes.  If you're after a captive audience with costs comparative to TV ads, it might be time to check out the fresh face of retail media.   On this episode of The CMO Show we take a deep dive into the world of screens and supermarkets, joined by Paul Brooks, General Manager of Coles360, and Alex Lawson, Head of Strategy & Media at Market Media. 

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo
Ep153 - Adoption, Family Bonds and Belonging with Julie McGue

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo

Play Episode Listen Later May 8, 2024 41:39


The echo of the past can be filled with uncertainties, especially for those touched by adoption. Award-winning author Julie McGue, a twin adoptee bravely bares her soul in her quest for identity within her richly blended family. Our conversation explores the topic of closed adoption, and highlights not only the obstacles faced by those denied access to their biological lineage and medical history, but also the universal longing to deeply understand our roots. From the insecurities of adoptive parents to the fear of rejection from birth parents, we travel the rocky road adoptees commonly face. But also, the transformative power of community and storytelling that can serve as a channel for the shared human experience that heals and shapes our lives. ⁣ ⁣ CHAPTERS/KEY MOMENTS⁣ 00:00 Intro ⁣ 04:38  Discovering Family History and DNA ⁣ 08:40 Navigating Family and Identity Struggles ⁣ 11:13 Reunion and Discovery⁣ 17:01  Adoption and Loss⁣ 19:15  Community Support  ⁣ 32:54 Ancestral Exploration and Healing  ⁣ 34:35 The Power of Storytelling⁣ 36:25  Rapid Fire Game⁣ 38:05 Julie's final thoughts⁣ 39:45 Hilary's closing ⁣ CONNECT WITH JULIE MCGUE⁣ https://www.juliemcgueauthor.com ⁣ www.facebook.com/juliemcguewrites⁣ www.instagram.com/julieryanmcgue⁣ www.linkedin.com/in/julie-mcgue-a246b841⁣ ⁣ JULIE'S BOOKS ON AMAZON⁣ ⁣”Twice a Daughter: A Search for Identity, Family, and Belonging” and “Belonging Matters: Conversations on Adoption, Family, and Kinship”⁣ ⁣ LEARN MORE ABOUT HAVENING WITH HILARY⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/havening⁣ ⁣RECEIVE THE BRAIN CANDY NEWSLETTER https://hilaryrusso.com/braincandy CONNECT WITH HILARY⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣  https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ ⁣ ⁣ EPISODE TRANSCRIPT ⁣ (Full Transcript https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣)⁣ ⁣ 00:08 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ This is the day that she always feared would happen. And all of a sudden, here it is, it's happening, and she didn't show her best self. Did she come around? Yes, she came around, but it was a tricky mother-daughter conflict. We were adults, so we did work our best at re-encouraging everyone that the love was there. ⁣ ⁣ 00:31 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ We hear a lot of ups and downs when it comes to adoption, but one thing if you are not an adoptee or you're not even connected to the adoption community, a lot of questions come up about belonging, identity, how to make sure you know everything about your health and well-being and I have not covered this topic on HIListically Speaking before and I find this to be something that is extremely important for us to talk about whether you know somebody or you are an adoptee or you have adopted a child and I think one person that is a perfect guest to have on the show is Julie McGue. She is an adoptee, she is also a twin, and she is someone that did not seek out information about her adoption until later in life. And, Julie, this is a topic that I think does need more discussion, and I'm so glad you're here to share your experiences and your story. So thanks for being here. Thank you, yeah, oh. ⁣ ⁣ 01:41⁣ Was Julie adopted together with her sibling? Were they adopted separately, and how the relationship with your sibling and the family really was able to grow and prosper and just create that sense of belonging and identity? Can we go into that first? Oh, sure, I'd be happy to. ⁣ ⁣ 02:01 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ So my twin sister and I were adopted together through Catholic Charities and their policy was always to keep multiple birth siblings together. So right off the bat, my birth mom knew that if she had more than one child which was definitely something that ran in her family that her daughters or her kids would stay together, so that was important to her. One of the things that's interesting about being a twin, especially if you're adopted is one of the things that adoptees often wonder about is who do I look like, who do I take after? And so that sense of belonging is a big question for adoptees. From the very beginning I never had to look understand who I look like. I always looked like my sister. To be raised with a full sibling is a real blessing for any adopted person. So a lot of good things came out of being adopted with my sister. ⁣ ⁣ 03:12⁣ My parents also adopted a boy two years after my sister and I, and how often happens, they were able to have three biological children after all of us. So I grew up in this big Irish Catholic blended family of three adoptees and three biological kids. To my parents' credit, I don't think I could tell any difference, but how they treated any one of us. Everybody had the same rewards, the same punishments. They were pretty strict and they were very clear about how much they loved us and how much they wanted this family that they built through adoption and natural childbirth. ⁣ ⁣ 03:59⁣ So I waited until I was 48 years old to do any research about my adoption. It was closed. Closed means that the birth parents' identities are disguised or hidden, and it also allows adoptive parents to not have that co-parenting situation that sometimes happens with open adoption. But unfortunately, what it does is it doesn't allow an adoptee to have any sense of their identity, from where they came from, who they were before adoption was the plan made for them. ⁣ ⁣ 04:38⁣ So, even though I had this twin sister and I knew I belonged to her and I certainly felt belonging in my family, I had no idea. Was I really Catholic? Was I really Irish? What else did I not know? And then I had this breast biopsy at 48 and my husband insisted that I get at family history if I could. I have three daughters. All of that affected them, and so my first phone call was to my twin sister and it said you know, what do you think? And she said absolutely, I support you completely. It became my journey, my story, but she was involved every step of the way, every decision that we had to make. She and I talked about it. ⁣ ⁣ 05:29 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ So that is a lot. That is a lot later in life to question your family history, knowing that you came from a nurturing, loving family, had a sibling who looked just like you that you can share that experience with, in addition to another sibling who was also adopted. Was there ever, even earlier in life, a desire to want to find out more about your birth mother and your lineage, your past, your DNA? We're doing so many of these DNA tests now. Did that exist? ⁣ ⁣ 06:04 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Yes, that did exist and this is something that adoptees talk about a lot, that we have a lot of fantasies with lack of information. Like anybody, you kind of make up your own story in your head. You know, brene Brown talks about that a lot in her books the stories we make up in our heads to make us feel better about something that just happened. So my sister and I decided when we were teenagers our birth parents must have been teenagers and we decided that maybe he was the star football player and maybe she was the head cheerleader and that they, they were passionate and they wanted to go to college. And this just wasn't what you know. They wanted to do was get married and raise kids. So that appeased us for a while. There also was in the back of my mind and my sister's mind that, you know, maybe it was something else, maybe it was two were too many, maybe that was the reason why we were placed for adoption. So there were a lot of things to think about when you know that the gatekeepers are going to keep you from accessing everything. You just stuck it in a little drawer and every once in a while you take it out are going to keep you from accessing everything. You just stuff it in a little drawer and every once in a while you take it out and you look at it and then you put it back in. What ended up happening? Timing was everything with this. ⁣ ⁣ 07:37⁣ I had the breast biopsy. ⁣ ⁣ 07:39⁣ Turns out I didn't have breast cancer, but the threat that it might be in my family line meant I was going to full steam ahead. I was ready to go, my sister was ready to help with it, and the state of Illinois had changed their policy, their law about adoption, meaning that any adoptee over a certain age could access the original birth record. So I accessed my original birth record. Unfortunately, the search agency I turned it over to figured out that my birth mom had used an alias on the original birth record perfectly legal in 1959 to falsify a public record like that sounding to me, and also perfectly legal to not include the birth father's name. He didn't sign off on his parental rights, which is not something that happens today. ⁣ ⁣ 08:40⁣ So we were kind of stuck and at the same time that we're struggling with getting the search going, my adoptive mom was not happy with me. She really feared that she was going to be set aside as our mother and I had to work really hard and so did my, to prove to her that our bond was our bond. She had raised us, and that was a tricky thing. I'm battling health, I'm battling this search and I'm also having to be really careful with my adoptive mom. So there were a lot of issues at play. ⁣ ⁣ 09:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ And I imagine that this could also bring, were a lot of issues at play, and I imagine that this could also bring up the thought of loss and grief and grief, before grief even happens. Your mom raised beautiful children and, while they might not be from her womb, there's kind of a spiritual womb that exists in families that are well-rounded and close and that can be a disconnection. So, having that conversation and her also knowing that there was another entity that was on Team Julie being your twin, I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for her. But my question is how did you have conversations with your brother about this as well? ⁣ ⁣ 10:04 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Oh, yes, definitely. ⁣ ⁣ 10:06 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Because here is another child in the family that was also adopted, and does it spark that curiosity for your brother as well to try to find his birth parents? ⁣ ⁣ 10:16 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ He was waiting and watching how my parents handled my sister and I going down this path when our search got rolling and I ended up getting involved with Catholic Charities because they had a social worker that did this kind of work. He came to every adoption support group meeting with me, paying attention, seeing how he was going to sort through this for himself. My sister and I definitely blazed the trail for him and by the time he got around to doing it, my parents realized this was going to be okay, the family was going to stay intact, that this was very important to all of us to understand who and where we came from and assimilate that into our personality. My mom did eventually come around. It is kind of a God wink moment, if you will, at the end of the book Twice a Daughter. ⁣ ⁣ 11:13⁣ I won't give everything away, but I do find a brother and a sister, a half brother and a half sister, so we share the same father. And when I do find my birth father, he doesn't want anything to do with my sister and I, but he does give me my medical history, which was what I was after, and he wouldn't comply with DNA analysis. So there was this question was he really the right guy and I really did feel like I needed DNA to know, because breast cancer ran in his family. My aunt had died of breast cancer before she was 40. So big breast cancer scary stuff. And my brother, my birth father, told my brother that you know, there's these two women. One of them is requesting all of this information and testing in and I'm not going to do it. And my brothers just picked up the phone and called me a cold call and, as we often do when we're talking with strangers, you know you're saying where did you go to school and how do you know? How do we, how would our paths have crossed ever? ⁣ ⁣ 12:26⁣ But came out that I knew his wife and that his wife and my family were intertwined. I won't give the whole secret away and because of that, because my adoptive parents and my adoptive family already knew my sister-in-law and her family, we all had probably met my brother and not known he was our brother. It fixed everything, Hilary. Instantly it was my mom realized oh, I know these people. This is great. Let's get together for family dinner. This is an amazing, beautiful moment. So the story, you know, it's ups and downs and it's one setback after another, but in the end there was this beautiful coming together of families that knew each other but didn't know they were biologically related. Do I ever get to meet my birth father? I don't he. He had a cardiac event and died before he changed his mind, so who knows if that would have ever happened. ⁣ ⁣ 13:46 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ It sounds like it is a Godwink moment and so fortunate to be able to have that and have some sense of closure. But not everyone gets that. ⁣ ⁣ 13:56 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ No, you did mention your book. ⁣ ⁣ 13:59 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I want to mention that real quick. Julie has three books. The third one's coming out next year, but the book we're referring to is Twice a Daughter, A Search for Identity, Family and Belonging, and then your second book is Belonging Matters. Those are the conversations of adoption, family and kinship, more like essays, and we'll put all of these links in the podcast notes. But just to go back to that, this is a wonderful turnout. Sounds like a perfect movie where everybody works out like a Hallmark movie in a way. ⁣ ⁣ 14:29⁣ But it's not always like that, Because when you think about and I just know this personally, not from being an adoptee or adopting, but having friends who have and sometimes you don't find the parents, sometimes you find family members and they don't really want to have a connection with you. ⁣ ⁣ 14:48 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Oh, it definitely. At my birth, mom did not want anything to do with us either, so it was not an easy road for her as far as being found. ⁣ ⁣ 14:58 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Right, but when it comes to health, do you think that there are laws and rules that need to be in place? And if that's the case, how would that change adoption for those who would consider putting their child up for adoption but don't want to be found? ⁣ ⁣ 15:16 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ The trend now in adoption is open adoption, which means that an adoptive parent enters into an adoption plan with the birth parents and they establish between them what the contact is going to be. Is it going to be just a yearly phone conversation or cards and letters? So it is between the birth parents and the adoptive parents, so that piece is so much better. When it comes to adoption, closed adoptions really did go out of vogue after 1980. Unfortunately, to your point about laws and statutes those of us that were adopted before 1980 during closed adoption it is up to each individual state to decide what their statutes are and to this point Illinois was one of the first eight states that changed open records acts. New York has changed their laws. There's probably about 15 out of 50 states that allow people my age to access their original birth records and research their family medical history. ⁣ ⁣ 16:32⁣ Unfortunately, dna can help some of us. It can't help all of us because the database is only as good as the people that subscribe to it. For example, my half-brother. That family never would have signed up for DNA. They don't want their specimens anywhere, so I would not have been able to find them through DNA. ⁣ ⁣ 17:01⁣ But some adoptees do the thing about birth parents and I want to emphasize the loss because you brought that up earlier. Loss is prevalent in the whole adoption triad. Adoptive parents most of them choose adoption as the way to build a family because they have infertility. So there's this insecurity about being able to have a biological child, a birth parents, birth mothers generally. It's a searing loss for them to have this situation present themselves where they're not going to parent their child and adoptees lose a sense of their family and their identity. ⁣ ⁣ 17:50⁣ One of the things that happened as a result of my search and my birth mom telling my sister and I I don't want anything to do with these girls I wasn't expecting that, Hilary, I thought I would be the lost girl found that she was waiting for me to find her. In fact, she didn't want to be found. She feared Her family had not. She'd never told her family. She feared my birth father coming back into her life. ⁣ ⁣ 18:22⁣ There was a lot of fear about that and I turned to Catholic Charities and got involved with their post adoption support group and it was one of the most meaningful things that came out of that adoption search because I came to understand the heartache that a birth mother goes through in coming to the decisions that they make and they work just as hard as adoptees do to make contact with their birth child sometimes with no success, sometimes with success and the adoptive parents. My adoptive mom was a little unusual in her lack of support because there were adoptive parents in our group that were supporting their child to find access to information that was important to them. It's a complicated situation for everybody and the people that are outside of the adoption world. I think sometimes there's some preconceived ideas about it. Adoptees like me present themselves until my middle age as being well-adjusted, and I write an essay about that in Belonging Matters. I did feel well-adjusted until I wasn't well-adjusted. I wanted that. ⁣ ⁣ 19:47 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ When was that? ⁣ ⁣ 19:49 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Well, I needed to know this family history and I couldn't have it, and it made me mad, and I think that you know there are a lot of angry adoptees out there. I think maybe that's some of the voices that people hear adoptees that aren't happy about their situation or they can't find, um, their relatives, um. But I felt like the, the support group that I I'm still involved in that, by the way, it's been 15 years, um, I think when you start listening to everybody else's perspective and you realize this isn't just about you, there's other things at play here. I think it allows us not only to heal personally but to have empathy for the other members in the triangle. ⁣ ⁣ 20:44 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, it's a sense of community, knowing that you're not alone, even if your story is different. It's giving you a sense of community and a collective of those who are going through something with that similar attachment. ⁣ ⁣ 20:57 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Yes, exactly. ⁣ ⁣ 20:59 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ So that anytime we can have a support and a community, and I imagine sometimes that's even a community of people who aren't connected to your story personally. Right, so that, and it's beautiful that you're still involved with that that the thought that is coming up to me is you were 48 when this awareness of I need to make some decisions and get some answers came to pass. But were there moments earlier where you really felt that pull? I mean, you mentioned making up the stories with your sister. Have you approached your parents, your adopted parents, prior to look into this earlier? ⁣ ⁣ 21:45⁣ And were you shut down? Were you supported? ⁣ ⁣ 21:55 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ you shut down? Were you supported? Really good question. So when I always knew that I was adopted. So that was a conversation my parents must have had with us when we were three or four or something, but every once in a while, around our birthday, they would sit us down in the living room and we'd have the adoption talk and they'd ask us you know, is there anything we can help you with? If you want to research your adoption, we'll help you, okay? So that conversation happened a handful of times when I was growing up. So my mother's reaction to me deciding to eventually search at 48 came out of nowhere and, as we talked about earlier, I know now that it came out of fear. She was worried that this woman was going to be a threat to her and in talking with the social worker about her reaction, she said you know, this is the day that she always feared would happen. Yeah, and she put it out of her mind. ⁣ ⁣ 23:00⁣ And all of a sudden, here it is, it's happening, and she didn't show her best self. Did she come around? Yes, she came around. Self Did she come around? Yes, she came around. But it was, you know, a tricky mother-daughter conflict. You know, we were adults, so we did work our best at just re-encouraging everyone that the love was there. ⁣ ⁣ 23:28 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I imagine that is a conversation that parents who have adopted children have with themselves quite regularly, because you especially when you mentioned the fact that there are different reasons why people adopt many times it might be because they can't have their own children and when you finally have that moment, you're like holding your breath, that first year especially, you know, will anything change? Is this going to become an adoption? If it started in foster care, then adoption so many different avenues that people can take and then, as the child gets older, they become so much a part of you. If it is that well-balanced family environment, you stop thinking about those things, but it's still there and there's that thought of loss before a loss even exists, right, so the brain tends to go there. We go to the negative. It's how we keep ourselves alive. So creating that nurturing reminder to your mom and letting her know that it's still something I'm sure she thought about every day in some way, you know. So what would be your advice? And before we even go there, I just want to mention again, if you did miss it the first time Julie is an adoptee. ⁣ ⁣ 24:48⁣ She's also a twin and she pursued finding her, adopted, her birth mother at 48 years old due to a potential health issue which we're happy that you're not dealing with. But then you have to think about your own family, like your children. You said you're a mother of three daughters, and then where do we go from there? So Julie has two wonderful books that are out very different and they kind of build on each other. I imagine you have Twice a Daughter A Search for Identity, family and Belonging, and then Belonging Matters Conversations on Adoption, family and Kinship, which is more of the essays, and then a new book coming out, which is another memoir in 2025, which is Twice the Family a memoir of love, loss and sisterhood. Really beautiful. Build on these three areas in your life, like, basically it's it's three stages in your life and building on that, was it, was it ever a thought, to become an author? Did you think about that? ⁣ ⁣ 25:50 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ I have always been a writer but a journaler, so more of a private writing experience. So when Twice a Daughter, the story of the adoption search was unfolding, I was keeping copious notes with my journals and the more I told people the story of what was happening. And you know, I can't find my birth mother. Now I found my birth mother and she doesn't want to know us and my mom doesn't want to help me with this and the health stuff was going on whole saga which was five years from beginning to end. People would say, gosh, I hope you're going to write a book about this. And I thought, wow, I wonder if I should. And so I started taking writing classes at the University of Chicago in downtown Chicago, and so the book came together in 2021. And right right after COVID. I mean, I was writing the book during COVID. ⁣ ⁣ 26:51 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Great time to write. ⁣ ⁣ 26:53 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Yeah, what's interesting about having written the story and one of the things I like to speak to is this is my story, yes, but every struggle that I went through in that process is the same thing that other adoptees go through. They struggle with support from their adoptive family. They struggle with connection to make with their birth parents, to make with their birth parents. Some adoptees find siblings and in the communities that I'm involved in, most of us have better relationships with our siblings the siblings that we find than we do with our birth parents, because they don't have any skin in the game. They don't have any baggage to bring to the relationship. They're excited. They have two new siblings that they didn't even know that they had and there are a lot of similarities and it's been a lot of fun getting to know my new brother and sister, although my brother always says I am not your new brother, I have always been your brother, so I find that very sweet. I've also one of the things that I've written essays about is getting to know beyond this immediate circle. ⁣ ⁣ 28:15⁣ My birth mom didn't want to tell her family. She wanted to keep us a secret. Her family, she wanted to keep us a secret, and this whole theme of secret keeping is, and shame is, at the very core of adoption from the closed adoption era. She had a hard time letting people know, because she had taken on society's shame and blame, viewed herself as a sinner, that she'd had this relationship outside of marriage and he wouldn't marry her, and it was something that she kept inside her identity. She didn't marry until she was in the late 40s. I don't have any other siblings from her, and so it has never been easy for her to introduce us to other people, and some of the things that she did to my sister and I not introducing us to family members and not inviting us to family reunions is foreign to me. My family that I grew up in was very loving. We had a lot of family gatherings, family reunions, big parties. ⁣ ⁣ 29:30⁣ I couldn't understand my birth mother's attitude about including my sister and I, and I have finally come to the place I talk about healing that. I realize it's not my problem, it's her problem. I can't fix her. I would love for her to be fixed so that she could find joy in this relationship with her two daughters that she never could claim. I mean, think about how hard that is on Mother's Day to pretend that you are not a mother, so I have a lot of empathy for her and her situation. That was not easy to come to. A lot of self-work on that front. I also have forgiveness for my birth father. He chose not to meet us. ⁣ ⁣ 30:21 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ That was my first question. ⁣ ⁣ 30:22 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Yeah, I was gonna ask you about that, because yeah, he chose not to meet my sister and I, and that situation is complicated by a second marriage or whatever. I had a great dad growing up. My adoptive father was just amazing, everyone's favorite, and so I don't feel cheated. There is one thing I do feel cheated about. ⁣ ⁣ 30:46 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ What's that? ⁣ ⁣ 30:46 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ I found out that my sister and I are strongly Native American on both sides of my biological families. I was deprived of knowing that, identifying with a culture that was mine to know my adoptive parents it's not their fault, they were not given any of that information, so I didn't find out about this culture that I belonged to until I was in my 50s and it's a little late then. Also, because my birth father's name is not on my original birth record means that I can't claim to be a Chippewa, so denied on many fronts, and so I'm still figuring that out. Here I am 65 and I'm still trying to figure out. How do I feel about this identity piece? I want to belong in that culture, I want to understand it, but I am denied access. ⁣ ⁣ 31:53 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ And I imagine that goes back to the feelings associated with ancestral and generational trauma. You never connected to it knowingly, but when? And this I think this goes back to the DNA testing, all these DNA testings that we're finding out about now and using, and people are finding families that exist all over the world. Being able to attach yourself to a lineage, a culture, a heritage that you had no clue about and wanting to learn more about it, but then for you not being able to actually claim it is, in some ways, another loss. ⁣ ⁣ 32:37 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Definitely is. ⁣ ⁣ 32:38 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, yeah. So do you still feel a connection to it, to where you want to explore, learning about it, even if you can't claim it? ⁣ ⁣ 32:53 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Absolutely. I have some trips planned to northern Minnesota to see where my birth father is from Minnesota, to see where my birth father's from. He grew up very poor on the outskirts of the Chippewa Reservation in northern Minnesota, and so I do have plans to visit those places. I did extensive genealogy and have a lot of family history that I find fascinating, and so do my children, which is kind of fun. Three of my kids played college sports and that was kind of a joke in my family because I didn't have access to where did that come from, and so we never really knew. And then we found out that our birth father played college football, and so some of these things have fallen into place, made sense. ⁣ ⁣ 33:47 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ It really is putting together a puzzle. Yeah, yeah, it really is. And how beautiful it is that you're experiencing all these things with now, your own children and your sister and family members that are curious. It's a curiosity, you know, but you know, with these traumas, as I often say and you mentioned as well, you find the healing there's a little bit of humor there's always you're confronted with your health turns into those triumphant moments, you know, and your mess is your message, basically. So what is next for Julie, in addition to the book that you have coming out, what is it that you are exploring now, in this stage of your life, with all of this beautiful knowledge? ⁣ ⁣ 34:35 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ One of the things I really like to do is write short essays. For example, I had I was on vacation. I came back I was dreading going out to the mailbox and getting the mail and paying the bills and doing all that and so reluctantly went out there and the mail hadn't come yet. I didn't realize that. But inside my mailbox was a little card. A child had drawn it and a message inside and it said you won the mailbox project, love Layla. ⁣ ⁣ 35:12⁣ So I just wrote an essay about this and it just caught me at the right moment. Here was an innocent child doing a random act of kindness, stuffed a little note in my mailbox and I came upon it right when I needed to. So that another little God wink moment. Going back to my comment earlier, I love finding these quirky little moments in life and building them out and writing a story about it. I write often about my grandsons and some of the fun, cute little stuff that they do. In fact I wrote an essay last fall that is in belonging matters, and I just recently found out it won a couple of different awards. ⁣ ⁣ 36:00⁣ So I think I think I'm done writing memoir, but I think I'm not done being a storyteller. ⁣ ⁣ 36:09 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ That's great, yeah, we. Our stories are so much a part of our healing you know, and hopefully they'll touch, move and inspire someone else, right? What is it Brene says one day, your story will be somebody else's survival guide. ⁣ ⁣ 36:22 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Yes, oh yeah. So well said Something like that. ⁣ ⁣ 36:25 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Yeah, yeah. Well, I want to have a little fun with you for a moment before we close. Sure, I've been writing down some words that you've said and what I do is a rapid fire, which is basically word association. I'm going to throw out a word that you said and you just come back as fast as you can with one word that associates with that one. What comes to mind first. Okay, Okay. All right, here we go. Ad Self Heritage. ⁣ ⁣ 37:05 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Ancestry, family, belonging Community, neighbors. Author Writer Loss. Writer Loss. ⁣ ⁣ 37:27 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Grief DNA. ⁣ ⁣ 37:30 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Biology Support Community. ⁣   37:39 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ Beautiful and we do need community. We really do, and this big part of what this show is about is bringing people together, you know, to find those trauma, to triumph moments and know that even if their stories are different, there's a connection in some way. So I appreciate you sharing your story and do you have any final thoughts that you want to share with listeners and those who tune in? ⁣ ⁣ 38:10 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ One thing I like to say to people is if you are not in the adoption community, but you know somebody that's touched by adoption, sit back and listen to what they have to say, or their viewpoint or their hurt, because so often we jump in and we offer an opinion or we have a perspective that we're not willing to change without really listening to somebody and I think this follows through with other hot topics. It doesn't have to be adoption. If we take the time to listen, time to listen and have empathy for the speaker, I think that we have the potential to invoke change in our societies and our communities, but we have to be willing to do that, to be willing to listen. ⁣ ⁣ 38:54 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ That's beautiful, always coming from that place of compassion and empathy. It doesn't have to be our story, but that's what connects us. Thank you for sharing that. That's beautiful. We will share all the information on your books, julie McGue. Three books In 2025, we'll see three out there. Maybe even more with all these essays you're writing. Who knows? But Twice a Daughter A Search for Identity, family and Belonging, belonging Matters, conversations on Adoption, family and Kinship. And in 2025, twice a Family A Memoir of Love, loss and Sisterhood, and all of that will be in the podcast notes. I highly recommend sharing this, taking time to read these stories and see what your connection is and the empathy that you might have to this conversation, julie, thank you so much. It's been a pleasure. ⁣ ⁣ 39:42 - Julie McGue (Guest)⁣ Thanks, Hilary. Thanks for your thoughtful questions and really easy conversation. ⁣ ⁣ 39:52 - Hilary Russo (Host)⁣ I appreciate it, my pleasure. All right, my friends, if this conversation with Julie McGue inspired you in any way, like it did me, consider leaving a rating and a review wherever you're tuning in. It will help others find this podcast when you do that, and they might be the ones that really need to connect to the story. So do yourself a favor and do us a favor, and do others a favor and pay it forward. And if you want to connect with Julie personally, learn more about her stories or her books, I've shared all that information in the notes of this podcast. That includes her two books that are out right now Twice a Daughter A Search for Identity, family and Belonging and Belonging Matters, which are conversations on adoption, family and kinship, and, of course, her soon-to-be-released book in 2025, which is Twice a Family, which is a memoir of love, loss, sisterhood. That comes out in February. ⁣ ⁣ 40:41⁣ And, yes, you can connect with me and learn more about how you can turn your traumas into triumphs, how you can hug it out with Havening with me as your guide, and you can also join us for Havening happy hours every month or any other event that I might be hosting. You can find that information on how to attend those events to connect with me. In the notes of this podcast as well, there's links for everything you need. HIListically Speaking is edited by 2 Market Media with music by Lipbone Redding and tuned into by you. So thank you for returning week after week and being part of the process, and never forget, no matter your journey, you do belong and your story does matter. I love you, I believe in you and I will see you next week. Be well. ⁣ ⁣

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo
Ep144 - Khara Croswaite Brindle: Ruptured Relationships: How to Heal and Understand Mother-Daughter Estrangement

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 14, 2024 37:48


When the bond between a mother and daughter fractures, the emotional fallout can resonate through every aspect of life. Hilary Russo guides this raw and enlightening conversation with celebrated family therapist Khara Croswaite Brindle, author of "Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships,” and peels back the layers of this deeply personal issue. ⁣ ⁣ During this intimate conversation, Hilary and Khara unravel the tangled reasons behind daughters distancing themselves from their mothers, from toxic dynamics to ancestral traumas. Addressing the societal stigmas that often accompany the decision to step back, we shed light on the importance of setting boundaries for emotional health, and how the decision to create distance is rarely taken lightly, but often a necessary step in preserving one's well-being.⁣ ⁣ Touched, moved, or inspired by this conversation? Consider sharing it with someone you know and leave a rating/review wherever you are tuning in. ⁣ ⁣ Connect with Khara and grab a copy of her books:⁣ https://www.estrangementenergycycle.com/⁣ https://www.facebook.com/croswaitecounselingpllc⁣ https://www.linkedin.com/in/kharacroswaite/⁣ https://www.instagram.com/kharacroswaite/⁣ ⁣ Connect with Hilary:⁣ https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso⁣ ⁣https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso⁣ https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://twitter.com/HilaryRusso⁣ https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking⁣ https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast⁣ ⁣ ⁣Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/⁣ ⁣ ⁣ --------- EPISODE CHAPTERS WITH SHORT KEY POINTS ---------⁣ ⁣ (0:00:00) - The Rise of Mother-Daughter Estrangement⁣ Therapy, abuse, trauma, and generational trauma influence the rising trend of estrangement in mother-daughter relationships.⁣ ⁣ (0:04:32) - Understanding and Navigating Family Estrangement⁣ Family estrangement's multigenerational impact, forms of distance, setting boundaries, therapy for affected family members, maintaining emotional well-being.⁣ ⁣ (0:13:54) - Understanding the Estrangement Energy Cycle⁣ The emotional journey of adult daughters dealing with ruptured mother-daughter relationships and how educators can support children experiencing family estrangement.⁣ ⁣ (0:22:16) - Healing Estranged Mother-Daughter Relationships⁣ Nature's complexities of mother-daughter estrangement, generational trauma, and attachment styles, and the value of therapy and coaching for healing.⁣ ⁣ (0:28:09) - Understanding Mother-Daughter Estrangement and Healing⁣ Healing and reconciliation between estranged mothers and daughters, with emphasis on individual journeys and the importance of mutual effort.⁣ ⁣ (0:36:16) - Understanding and Healing Mother-Daughter Estrangement⁣ Healing estranged mother-daughter relationships, prioritizing mental health, and using self-regulation tools like Havening for self-empowerment.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ --------- EPISODE TRANSCRIPT ---------⁣ ⁣0:00:00 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ I think a lot of people are now talking about it. I think it's always been happening, but maybe we're seeing an uptick because people have are going to therapy, they have language for it. Now they're looking at this from the lens of abuse and trauma and that's justifying some of the rupture, the distance between parents and their children. ⁣ ⁣ 0:00:18 - Hilary Russo⁣ One in 12. One in 12 people my friends are estranged from a family member and it's a choice that can be very challenging for many. But when you do the inner work, when you create the space for healthier relationships and for a better understanding of self, it really can pave the way for a new you. And when it comes to mother and daughter estrangement especially where there's been possibly repeated trauma, discomfort, pain, misunderstanding even a daughter's choice to cut her ties from her mother can come with so much emotion and still much pain in the healing process. ⁣ ⁣ Khara Crosswaight Brindle is a licensed therapist who wrote the book about this very thing understanding ruptured mother-daughter relationships, guiding the adult daughter's healing journey through the estrangement energy cycle. And I have to say, Khara, this is such an important topic because of the clients that I see. There's so much parental child estrangement that I've been seeing more so than probably years ago. I feel like people are coming into their own and I'm really happy you're here to talk about this topic because it is a important one and I know you specifically focus on the mother-daughter in this book specifically, but this is happening with many relationships. So thank you for being here, thank you for sharing your voice and your wisdom, thank you, Hilary. ⁣ ⁣ 0:01:48 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, I'm excited to talk about it. It's on the rise, so let's talk about it. ⁣ ⁣ 0:01:53 - Hilary Russo⁣ So let us talk about that when we say it's on the rise and we hear numbers like one in 12, one in 12 seems like a pretty big number when you think about in the grand scheme of things, that that could potentially be a real issue. I don't know. When I growing up, you just respected your parents. You took whatever came at you. In a way, you didn't talk back, and I think we're seeing more people now using words like narcissism, parental narcissism it's not just within intimate relationship and gaslighting and manipulation and I'm curious, these terms tend to be buzzwords now too, right? So how do we define the difference between that and really know that? What's my responsibility in all this, and am I in a position where I'm in a toxic relationship that does need severed ties? ⁣ ⁣ 0:02:52 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, I mean I think this is one of the chapters of the book we go through a bunch of assumptions of estrangement and one of them is that therapists are pushing for clients to stop talking to their parents, especially because we have a generation, or now two generations, that are coming into therapy doing their own work and now have a language for what happened right of trauma, abuse, neglect, something happening in that family relationship that led to that rupture. ⁣ ⁣ And although it's assumptions because you and I as mental health professionals can say like we're not here to champion estrangement, like we're here to say what's best for the client and like helping them discover for themselves what's best I tackled that assumption as well as like this toxic word and it's funny you named it, you said the word toxic, so I think people are overusing that word, but when it comes to estrangement, maybe it's just now a simple, a simplification for what's happened, like I don't want to go into detail about how painful this estrangement was for my parent, but if I say the word toxic, people will respect that and just look it up from like boundaries, and so I think a lot of people are now talking about it. I think it's always been happening, but maybe we're seeing an uptick because people have are going to therapy, they have language for it. Now they're looking at this from the lens of abuse and trauma and that's justifying some of the rupture, the distance between parents and their children. ⁣ ⁣ 0:04:09 - Hilary Russo⁣ And there's some other words that we hear a lot as of late, and it's ancestral trauma, generational trauma and going back to the root of your ancestry, and how do you avoid bringing that into this present generation and generations going forward? I've been hearing that a lot and that's something I think I've even battled. I'm like I don't want to bring that into the next generation. ⁣ ⁣ 0:04:35 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ How do? ⁣ ⁣ 0:04:35 - Hilary Russo⁣ I stop the trauma right here. ⁣ ⁣ 0:04:38 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Absolutely. I'm like, yeah, so in my personal experience, I'm married into a family that has four generations of estrangement and what I noticed because I'm a mental health professional I can see it. I'm not in it. I'm kind of behind it looking at what's going on and it's like now it's been modeled. Now it's modeled that if I have a significant conflict with you I can just cut ties. That's what's been said, is fine, is acceptable in this family, even though there's lots of hardship and lots of grief and loss behind the scenes. ⁣ ⁣ They're modeling for the youngest generation, which I'm now a parent of a two-year-old. So I'm very thoughtful to this. I'm like what are we telling that youngest generation about? If it's a conflict that doesn't feel solvable, resolvable, do we just walk away? Do we just say I'm done talking to you, stay out of my life, and so it's not that simple. But I think a lot of people on the outside are just seeing estrangement as this dynamic of I'm mad at you, so I'm not going to talk to you, when this look goes so much deeper as to what's truly going on, from that cellular trauma level to generations, to modeling, to here's neglect and abuse that was happening for that person. ⁣ ⁣ 0:05:41 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, and the other thing about that is that there's the fine line where, as mental health professionals, our dedication and our loyalty is really to the client or the patient right, but not to tell them what to do, but help them find what works best for them right. It's never telling them, it's never healing them. It's giving them the tools to come to those decisions themselves right. ⁣ ⁣ Exactly. But the part of that is some people don't want that person in other lives, and I've seen that a lot. It's like finding that healthy boundary with that person, whereas is there a level of estrangement where it's not they're totally out of your life, but you have healthy boundaries so that they're still in your life. You love this person. It's obviously a tie, but how do you do so in a way that, where it's not impacting your emotional well-being and you can still have someone of a healthy relationship, even at a distance? ⁣ ⁣ 0:06:40 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, and so you're kind of speaking to. We talk about in the book. We talk about physical estrangement versus emotional estrangement. So physical estrangement is what people's heads go to, their minds go to we're not speaking, I've moved away, you don't know anything about my life, we're never seeing each other at holidays or never at family gatherings. It's kind of like a hard stop, like very dramatic sense of there's grief and loss. This feels like a death when we stop talking to that person. Then there's this emotional estrangement, which is that slow burn of like I'm going to start kind of distancing myself, like when I restrict how long I'm talking to you on the phone, how often I call you, how long I stay at that family event. So it creates some of those boundaries you're naming Hillary with. Like I want some distance, but I'm still connected to them, I'm still talking to them. I'm just creating some boundaries around what that looks like. ⁣ ⁣ 0:07:28 - Hilary Russo⁣ And then you have the other side of it, like other family members who witness that, and I've been in a position where I've had family members who have been estranged or still are, and you so want everybody to get along, you so want to step in and be like, oh gosh, what can I do to help? Even though it's not your place, how do you deal with being the family member who's on the outside looking in and they're the one that wants the piece within everyone? Because I'm sure someone can benefit from this book and pick it up and read it, because maybe there is an estrangement between family members that they love both both of those people. ⁣ ⁣ 0:08:07 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Oh, yeah, yeah. And so we have a section in the book that talks about this ripple effect on families and specifically for siblings. This was inspired by my spouse, who's talking to all four of those generations and the family, but none of them are talking, so he's very much the person saying what you've just said. I want everyone to get along, I want to see all of you, I want us in a room together. I miss us as a family, right? So that's very heartfelt For those siblings or loved ones. ⁣ ⁣ Some of the strategies are know that this is your agenda, this is your desire, this is your wish, your want of the family. Do you go to your own therapy to process the sadness that you have that your family has been fractured in this way? Is it about not taking sides, not bad mouthing one loved one to the other as you're like oh, I'm siding with mom or I'm siding with sister and this mother daughter example of estrangement. But some other tips of like, it's not up to you to fix it, it's not up for you to convince them to reconcile. Actually, it'll backfire if you do. ⁣ ⁣ If you're like just get along, just talk to each other. That creates more damage. But, more importantly, there's this alliance that we have to have, or we feel like we have to have, and I have to choose mom or sister. I cannot be connected to both. And that is where I think doing their own individual therapy is important, because they're feeling caught between and they love both people and they want both people in their lives, but they feel like they can't speak about that person. I can't mention mom to sister and I can't mention sister to mom, and it's just a huge mental energy for them to navigate estrangement this way. ⁣ ⁣ 0:09:36 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, and it can cause a lot of draining of that energy too. You know you don't want to be put in the middle. You have your own relationship that you need to nurture. You might have your own emotional boundaries or healthy boundaries that you need to set with that person as well, or maybe it's even more than one person, because even like you mentioned your husband having an estrangement from a number of people or has a family that has multiple levels of estrangement. You know being able to support yourself is the most important thing. But you know you also mentioned that there is the trickle down and the ripple effect, especially when it comes to children. Like how do you explain that to a child? Like where's grandma, where's grandpa? Why don't we see them? But we see the other grandparents all the time. We're seeing more of that too. ⁣ ⁣ 0:10:21 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Oh yeah, and children are curious Like that's naturally, developmentally appropriate of like where's my grandparent? Here's a social representation of families. My family doesn't look like this. Why is that? So I took this first book that we're talking about and I actually made a children's book in the last two weeks. I actually launched last week. Oh, that's great. ⁣ ⁣ 0:10:41 - Hilary Russo⁣ Can we get the name of that? ⁣ ⁣ 0:10:42 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, it's called Petty Mickey's Family Tree, talking to kids about a strange one. ⁣ ⁣ And so it's a cute little elementary age child book. That's the audience, it's elementary age children and their parents, and it looks at her coming home saying, hey, I have this assignment, this family tree I'm supposed to put together. I'm having some anxiety, I'm having some worry that my tree looks different than the other kids at school and it really just creates modeling of what it looks like for a family member this case of parent to talk to their child and say, like, what's age appropriate? How do I regulate myself to tell my kid just enough information for them to understand what's going on, without parentifying them, without stressing them out? ⁣ ⁣ So I actually have like five tips in the back of that book for parents of like I want you to breathe, I want you to be curious about what the question they have. You know, these young children of like four or five year olds are like hey, do they look like me? That might be their only question, versus a word panicking that I have to explain. Hey, this is what my parent did for me to not talk to them. So just talking about what's developmentally appropriate and discussing this arrangement because kids do have questions and this book, hopefully, is going to help that conversation. ⁣ ⁣ 0:11:50 - Hilary Russo⁣ I love that you mentioned that. I love that you're bringing up like social, emotional learning tools that children can implement. And that's something that I've been trying to work with the kids, more especially with the havening techniques, which gives them a way to self-regulate for self-love, self-care and just find that calm and the chaos you know when the brain is just not really understanding what's going on, especially at that younger age. Right, but giving them ways to self-regulate and you mentioned that words regulate what other things can they do? You mentioned breathing. ⁣ ⁣ 0:12:25 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, I think even just like talking about this ahead of time. So like when parents pick up this book or hear this podcast, can they be like? What would I say if my kid asked why I don't talk to grandma or to uncle or to whoever it is in the family? So just that like preparation of here's what I would say, so it doesn't feel like it's coming from emotion, it's coming from like this grounded. I know what I want to say to my kid and I'm not going to show them that this hurts. I'm going to be regulated so I don't look sad or angry or upset, because kids can feel that right, so we can feel our own stuff, show up and so if we can take a book or think about this ahead of time, then we can feel more prepared to show up neutrally with our kids and then be really like slow and saying what do you really want to know? ⁣ ⁣ You know elementary age kids might have one simple question, versus a teenager might be like tell me more, like I want to know what really happened with grandma. So some of those tips are about just like being present for the question. Regulate yourself to breathe, grounding, giving them eye contact, validating their emotions, which is important for kids of like you might feel confused by what I just shared. What other questions do you have? That's another tip of encouraging future questions. They might just be like this was enough for now, but I might have a question for you as my parent six months from now about grandma. So it's not usually a one and done conversation and their parents can look at this. These characters go through this little plot line of the children's book or just look at the back of the book for those five tips. I'm hoping they'll feel more prepared. ⁣ ⁣ 0:13:54 - Hilary Russo⁣ And this can also be for teachers as well, because something that I was talking with a mutual trauma informed practitioner and also an educator who works with kids about the castle system, and then you know what? What can we do to understand a child's body language and their behavior? That might be changing the in the in the classroom. Educators, teachers, also need to be familiar with this. So I'm sure this book, the child book especially, can be very helpful for teachers as well to understand what's going on at home with with the little ones you know. ⁣ ⁣ 0:14:29 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Absolutely, and obviously the child therapists are just like eating it up. They want this in our library of, like, let's do some bibliotherapy, let's talk about this. Is this, is this your family? Like talking to me about your family tree? So I just I'm really hopeful that it's going to fill this gap, because I didn't see any literature out there for kids, and parents are desperate to say how do I not harm them further? How do I not put my stuff on them? How do I keep myself in check while answering their question, and I think this book is a part of that. ⁣ ⁣ 0:14:56 - Hilary Russo⁣ So let's mention the two books that you have that we're talking about. The first one is Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships Guiding the Adult Daughter's Healing Journey through the Estrangement Energy Cycle. I want to talk about that real quick. And then the other book mentioned the title again so we can let folks know. ⁣ ⁣ 0:15:12 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, it's called Petty McGee's Family Tree. Talking to Kids about Family Estrangement. ⁣ ⁣ 0:15:17 - Hilary Russo⁣ Wonderful. We're going to put links to both of those in the list of notes of this podcast episode and if you are touched, moved and inspired by this in any way, if you are enjoying this conversation um HIListically Speaking with Khara Croswaite Brindle, please let us know, drop us a line, let us know how we can support you more on this journey. But let us get into the nitty-gritty about the Estrangement Energy Cycle. What does that mean? Can you share? ⁣ ⁣ 0:15:41 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ that, yeah. So the key word here is energy. Like we've already alluded to, just the thought of estranging from a family member is emotional. It takes energy. A lot of these women are coming into therapy trying to figure out what their next move is, and so the energy word is really speaking to. ⁣ ⁣ This might be pre-contemplative, this might be I'm preparing for the worst, and so I'm going through this cycle in my mind, or it could be I'm literally going through these eight stages as I figure out what's happening with mom. Um, so, although the eight stages don't have any particular order, I tend to start talking about it from this awareness of what if I have a realization, as an adult daughter, that this was abusive? Once I have that realization, I can't unsee it right as a woman, and so does that then catapult me into stage two, which is about questioning what do I want to do with this information? Do I want to talk to mom about it? Do I want to broach this with her, bring it up? Do I want to just focus on the relationship now or our future relationship? So if they decide to talk to mom, which a lot of these women feel compelled to do from a place of, I want acknowledgement, I want an apology, I want compassion, I want healing. They might say let's go to mom and talk about it. Worst case scenario depending on how mom responds to this conversation, there could be immense healing that happens of you're right, I made mistakes, I'm so sorry that happened to you, I want to do better, I love you. That'll be the best scenario for going to mom saying, hey, I have this awareness now. Worst case scenario mom gets defensive, mom gets angry, mom starts name calling, mom starts pointing fingers, which unfortunately, a lot of these women then came into my therapy practice devastated because they're like, on top of realizing that this was abusive or traumatic, my parent just minimized my experience and so that leads to that relationship rupture right when it's like I don't know if I can do this with mom anymore. ⁣ ⁣ If they feel like they want to break that pattern, they might consider a strange man, whether it's physical or emotional strange man. Now I'm like I can't talk to mom. I have to have some control over what's happening in my life, and so it might mean mom's not in it Standably. If we choose a strange one, we go into a grief and loss response. The literature, the research says that it feels like a death because it I mean it has that same emotional pull of like I'm not talking to you, it's like you're not part of my life. Might as well feel like you're dead to me. So for a lot of those women they're coming into therapy at that stage too of like this is devastating, I'm depressed and anxious, I'm in grief. Breathe it From there. ⁣ ⁣ They have to start kind of questioning what their identity is Like. What is my self worth without mom? So now is it I have different interests when mom's not weighing in on what I want to do with my life. If mom was maybe overbearing, do I feel like I'm just figuring it out? Who am I without her? What kind of woman am I? What kind of mother am I if I'm a mother, if that's applicable. ⁣ ⁣ And then they go into the deeper work, which is, as a therapist, my favorite, because now they're looking at boundaries, other relationships, attachment styles, what's it look like with romantic partners Now that they have this awareness of what's going on with mom? And then, last but not least, is redefining their self worth. So who am I? But, more importantly, where am I headed from here If mom's not a part of my life? Or not reconciling. How do I navigate milestones, holidays, family events you know it's not a joyful thing for these women. It's usually still quite painful, different points of their life where mom should be present and isn't right. So think of like getting married, having a child. Mom is usually a part of that if it's a healthy relationship. So at no point in this cycle is there like hearts and flowers happening for this woman. But maybe she's starting to feel more empowered by the end of I know where I am, I know where I'm headed, even if it's not with mom in my life. So those are kind of the quick overview of those eight stages in the book. ⁣ ⁣ 0:19:31 - Hilary Russo⁣ It's beautiful. It's beautiful to be able to find yourself in that journey. I mean, you're going to go through, like you said, the stages of grief, but you also are becoming more empowered that for a long time, that daughter could be feeling that everything's her fault you know, or she makes an attempt to reach out and she gets, like you said, she gets very disappointed. She gets disappointment from a defensive parent or mother in this case, right. ⁣ ⁣ And then how do you go from there, like you become vulnerable and take that courageous step to reach out? But also, what's responsibility has the daughter had in all this? You know this is not just to put blame on the mother right, it's also what was my responsibility in this. But if a daughter has reached out and has made an attempt and says I'm willing to see the other side, and then all you get back is the upset from the mother, her side not seeing anything, like you said, where do you go from there? ⁣ ⁣ 0:20:35 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, and I mean a lot of these women. What I appreciated about what I'm hearing from people who've read it so far is I put in nine women's stories and we like continue to kind of see their journey on all eight stages. All nine of these women, some of them reconcile, some of them have permanent estrangement from significant abuse and neglect. But I tried to capture, like here are all different types of women that I've worked with over the years that now embody these stages and how emotional each of them are. And so I call out the people pleasing, I call out the perfectionists, I call out the did I do enough? ⁣ ⁣ Because of course the adult daughter is thinking that at some stage she is asking herself did I do enough? Did I fight enough for this relationship with mom? Should I have done better? Is there a way I could have won her over? Do I deserve unconditional love? Right, I'm like a real deep into the like emotion of it. So I try to name all of that as, like for these women. There's so much to unpack there. It's not just I got to one stage, it's what am I thinking and feeling at each of those stages? And those stories embody that. ⁣ ⁣ 0:21:37 - Hilary Russo⁣ And then you have to think about leader in life, when the mother might need to have a caregiver. Like, how do you abandon that parent who has hurt you in some way? Do you come back full circle and say this person's in the last part of their lives? But I also need to have these healthy boundaries so that I'm not impacted in a negative way while I'm trying to be supportive and of service to this person who is needing support. You know I hear that a lot as well. ⁣ ⁣ 0:22:08 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Oh, yeah, there's this pressure to reconcile. You know, there's the societal message of you're going to regret this. What if they die suddenly? Right? So I have a whole section in the book of, like community members, what we can say and what we shouldn't say. What is actually more hurtful to this traumatic experience of estrangement for this adult daughter? Because, again, an assumption is that this was easy for her, this was impulsive for her, when really it's like months or years of the process. ⁣ ⁣ I have one client that inspired one of these characters in the book that even now, 10 years into her work, she continues every year to question should I reach out to mom this year? Should I talk to mom this year? There's significant trauma there that mom will not own at all, and so it's fascinating how human this is right To say. Am I going to have regrets? Am I going to be sad if I get a call that mom has died? If mom's, you know, going into needing care, how do I show up for her? Should I show up for her? There's so much there and obviously each woman's story is unique as to what they decide. But, yeah, society is definitely saying family first. You're going to regret this, right. So I really try and talk about what we could say differently than that. ⁣ ⁣ 0:23:12 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, being able to support yourself and know how to nurture yourself in that moment and not find yourself in a place where you're oh, I don't know. I mean, like I said earlier, the gaslighting, the manipulation, any kind of toxicity that might come with words, because suddenly you go back to the inner child, suddenly you can be a five year old, hearing words from that parent and you feel it like you did. If you ever witnessed that before as a child. Speaking of children, do you find that there are some women that have made a choice not to have children because they were scared to have the kind of relationships that they witnessed from generations in the past, like if a mother and a daughter or a grandmother and a mother are not communicating or a sister is not communicating generation before you, suddenly you feel like, well, I'm going to just wind up having the same thing, so I'm not having kids, I'm not entering, I'm not bringing anything into this world, because this trauma is just generational. ⁣ ⁣ 0:24:15 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, oh, absolutely. I mean, we actually tackle that in the book as well as, like, one of the beliefs is what if I'm broken? But what if I pass this on to my kid? What if I become my mother, for better or worse? Right In this lens of worse, I think that's such a natural thought. And then I actually, when I started writing this book, I just give birth to my daughter, and so I was very aware that I was writing about attachment and trauma and healing, as I was also trying to build healthy attachment with my infant daughter. And so many people worry about, you know, especially if they're like, tracking all these things in the family tree. I think of even just medical conditions and mental health conditions of like, oh, am I going to bring that into my child's life? Yeah, it's causing a lot of fear for people of like, what if this gets recreated again? What if this estrangement is possible in another generation? That's valid. ⁣ ⁣ 0:25:04 - Hilary Russo⁣ Do you talk specifically about attachment styles in the book? ⁣ ⁣ 0:25:07 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ I do, yep, I talk about the secure, anxious avoidant, disorganized, how that shows up from childhood into adulthood. Absolutely yeah, can't help myself. ⁣ ⁣ 0:25:16 - Hilary Russo⁣ That's definitely an area you're yeah, no, I get it and it's so interesting, but I think we're seeing more people that are diving into not self therapy, because obviously we need support, especially when we're dealing. We need support especially when we're dealing with trauma. Right, never do trauma work on your own. It's good to have somebody on the outside, like a licensed therapist or somebody in the field, that can support you in that area, to help you get a different perspective on things. But I do find that more people are open to learning new things, just so there's an awareness, so that when they're meeting with their therapist or their practitioner, they have a much more, they're much more aware of what is being shared with them, rather than just sitting across from your therapist or practitioner. And this is how it is right, right? ⁣ ⁣ I think, we're becoming our own healthcare advocates. What I'm saying, yeah absolutely, I mean. ⁣ ⁣ 0:26:13 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ I think that's why, when people are like who's this book for, I say it's for the adult daughters and it's for the clinicians that serve them, Because an adult daughter might pick up this book and say this is my experience. I feel seen by the cycle or some aspect of the book. And then there's 24 tools throughout the book that are things they could do on their own, but also I encourage them to do with their clinician to say am I doing a particular exercise? I call them therapeutic tools, but there are things I would have done with a client in the room to say does this help you in your process? Does this move you from one stage to the next? So those tools are something that those adult daughters could read, do on their own or bring into a supportive environment, whether that's a coach, a therapist, a mentor or a family member, depending on what feels appropriate. ⁣ ⁣ 0:26:57 - Hilary Russo⁣ And I think we're also seeing that as well. We're seeing more people reaching out and getting coaching, because sometimes it's just like having a sister or a brother or a friend that's there to help you, that is able to see things from the outside, looking in. That isn't personally connected. There's just so much you can lay this on a family member, especially when you might be sitting there complaining to your real sister or your brother or an aunt or somebody about a family member that they already have a connection with and they have a completely different kind of relationship with. That's not helpful to any party. ⁣ ⁣ 0:27:32 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah, that bias of like oh I can't be neutral for you, I have my own thoughts. Yeah, this is why they go to someone outside the family. That's pretty typical. ⁣ ⁣ 0:27:40 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah. So let's mention the book again. It's Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships, Guiding the Adult Daughter's Healing Journey through the Estrangement Energy Cycle. And Khara also has another book that is written to support the child and the parent and the teacher. We're going to put both of those in the links to this podcast. But I have a question for you Do you find that there might be mothers that would be open to reading this book? ⁣ ⁣ 0:28:09 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ I hope so. I mean, I think there are lots of books out there for parents. When I was doing the research on this, getting this book up and running, I found so many books for parents that really spoke to their the will-dermant, their pain, their anger, their outrage that this was happening, which has its value right. They need to feel seen and supported as well. I feel like the mother who's going to pick up this book is someone who's I'm curious to heal. I want to reconcile, I want to work on myself. I want to understand my daughter's perspective. This book might help them with that because it's really written from the eyes of the adult daughter. So if they're feeling a disconnect where they don't understand why adult daughter has made this choice, this could be enlightening, I would hope. ⁣ ⁣ 0:28:49 - Hilary Russo⁣ And maybe pave the way for a new relationship. ⁣ ⁣ 0:28:53 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Absolutely. ⁣ ⁣ 0:28:53 - Hilary Russo⁣ Or just an evolved relationship. You know it's lovely when we were able to see that. I want to play a quick game with you. Or if there's anything else you want to add. Let me just stop there and say is there anything else about the book you'd like to add, or anything about the Estrangement Energy Cycle? I want to give you the space to share there. ⁣ ⁣ 0:29:10 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Yeah. So one other thing to highlight real quick is that we have some morning signs for both mothers and daughters. So off the top of my head it was things like you know, on the daughter side, a lack of boundaries, resentment brewing, that kind of language was in her checklist as adult daughter and then for the mother checklist it was things like are you steamrolling over those boundaries? Are you calling when she said not to call? Are you making demands? Are you feeling like there's friction? Are you getting feedback from the daughter that she's not happy with the relationship? ⁣ ⁣ So try to itemize a couple of things that both daughters and mothers could look at and say, hmm, is that true for us? Like, is that something in our life right now? Is that in the relationship right now? Is this an opportunity to discuss and heal and grow? Or is it like a ooh, that's me and I need to go do some work around that professionally with a therapist or coach or mentor or whoever? So by no means is it. You have to have one of them and you're in dire straits. It's more like the more you have on this checklist, the more you probably want to sit and think about what do I want to do with this information? Does it catapult me into a growth place of wanting to heal and change? ⁣ ⁣ 0:30:24 - Hilary Russo⁣ And sometimes it might just be that the relationship needs to be on that level of some, some estrangement. Maybe you're not as close to that person and that's okay too. I think that's something I really want to put out. There is that if you come to a decision especially after reading this book, which I'm very excited to get the copy in my hand when you're able to make that decision and know that you have the tools that helped you make that decision, and if that choice is that I really need to have some safe boundaries, but I'm still open to possibly the physical strange or the emotional estrangement, but the physical I don't want to not have this person in my life. ⁣ ⁣ Whatever you choose to do if it's good for you is the right choice because it's self-first. You have to live your life before anybody else's. So everybody's journey is going to be different and I want to make sure we put that out there to those who are listening, to those who might be watching that your journey is your own. What you choose with the tools that you have is the right choice, as long as it's not hurting you or anybody else. You choose to choose and you know what. You can also make a different choice. If you decide down the line, I'm ready now Be open to that as well. ⁣ ⁣ I imagine you agree with that? Yeah? ⁣ ⁣ 0:31:52 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Oh yeah, I'm just sitting here thinking about their seasons of our life right, yeah, or there's a season of independence, which is why a lot of our 20-something year olds are thinking about a strange thing, because it almost feels in alignment with independence I'm out of a nest, I'm doing my own thing. You know, the angry teenage part is like don't tell me what to do. That's what I tell my clients. We all have that angry teenage part of stubbornness, like don't tell me what to do. But then maybe I just I realize I'm going to be a mother. Maybe I'm pregnant and I'm like, wow, I really want my mom in my life. How can I have her in my life in a way that's healthy and supportive at that stage or that season of my life? Maybe I'm getting older and she's getting older, and so I think the bright spot for folks who are like man, we're in a strange moment, or one of those one in 12 people. ⁣ ⁣ There is research saying that you know, about 80% of these women are reconciling with their mothers. Obviously, we can't speak to like how long that took or what happened to make that possible, but if 80% plus percent of these women are reconciling with their mothers, there is hope that the relationship can change, that the season can change, that most of us in the mental health space are going to say we've got to work on it together. This is where, like family therapy or estrangement specialist is going to come into play, because it's complex and so it might not be as simple as just saying I owe you an apology. It might be we're doing some deep work here to have a healthier relationship, so don't feel like you have to do it on your own. I think that's what I'm saying. ⁣ ⁣ 0:33:12 - Hilary Russo⁣ Well, that's the other thing. Well, both parties, or any parties involved, have to do their own healing work and growth work. It's very hard to be able to create a space where the two parties are going to come together, when only one party is willing to do the work and the other might be saying well, everything's your fault, you're the one that needs therapy. So think about those things as well. You can only do so much. It is still teamwork. ⁣ ⁣ There's still a relationship to consider and a relationship takes more than one person, except the one with yourself. That's the most important one to work on. So, with that being said, I have really enjoyed this conversation. This is so great. I cannot wait to get that book in my hands. ⁣ ⁣ You booked this so fast that I haven't gotten the book yet. I'm like I reached out to your publicist. I'm like slam me the book and I want to end with just doing a quick game with you that I do with my guests on the show. I've been writing down some words that are things you've said during this conversation and I want you to come back with the first word that comes to mind. Let's see how Tara's brain is working, oh no. ⁣ ⁣ Sometimes I think I should do this at the beginning of the podcast but then I don't have words to use. All right, you ready, I'm ready, okay, alliance. ⁣ ⁣ 0:34:37 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Relationships Toxic Parenting. ⁣ ⁣ 0:34:41 - Hilary Russo⁣ Estrangement, daughter, children, lovable Valderies, therapy, therapy, that's my word. Come back to that chair. ⁣ ⁣ 0:34:59 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Champion. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:01 - Hilary Russo⁣ And I have to put my glasses on for this last one, because I can't read my own handwriting. Oh, I was trying to write down the name of the character in your book. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:09 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ The Children's Book that name, yeah, so Penny McGee's Family Tree Penny McGee. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:15 - Hilary Russo⁣ Penny McGee. It's Penny Penny McGee, so what would you? It's two words I'm throwing out at you, but what would you say about? ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:21 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ that Vulnerability. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:27 - Hilary Russo⁣ And isn't that? That's a great way to end this, because starting as a child, understanding these things makes you a more well-rounded adult and, as we've heard from Brittany Brown, vulnerability is courage. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:39 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ Right, it is. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:40 - Hilary Russo⁣ Yeah, absolutely is. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:42 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ There's courage in the conversation. That's my hope. ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:44 - Hilary Russo⁣ Thank you. There is and being vulnerable to take that step. As long as it doesn't step on your own boundaries and hurt you, it's okay. It's okay to try that as well. Are there any final thoughts you'd like to leave with listeners? ⁣ ⁣ 0:35:57 - Khara Croswaite Brindle⁣ My hope is it's just gonna speak to the women who felt like they haven't had a voice in this conversation before now. So I'm really grateful that we could talk about adult daughters and what they're going through. As I alluded to, there are lots of books out there for the parents and I definitely recommend a bunch of them, and I wanna make sure these women have a voice too. So thank you for having me on the podcast to talk about it. ⁣ ⁣ 0:36:16 - Hilary Russo⁣ Okay, my friends, if you or someone you know is facing family estrangement, specifically with a mother-daughter relationship, consider putting Khara's book in your hands or paying it forward. That book, again is called Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships Guiding the Adult Daughter's Healing Journey through the Estrangement Energy Cycle. I added a link to that book, as well as her children's book also, and you can also connect with Khara by visiting her website or her social media. You'll find those links as well. And Khara mentioned the importance of self-regulation tools. There are many. We need to put those little tools in our brain candy jar right and pull them out when we need those the sweetest ways to be kind to our mind. As I always say, Havening could be one of those tools. If you wanna learn how to hug it out, how to put the healing in your own hands, set up a call with me. Let's see if Havening is right for you. ⁣ ⁣ HIListically Speaking, is edited by 2 Market Media with music by Lipone Redding and Listen to by you, my listener. So thank you for your continued support. ⁣ ⁣ On that note, never forget the importance of healthy boundaries and if you need support, know that there is always help, because the most important relationship is the one with self. I love you, I believe in you and I will see you next week. 

Leaders in the Trenches
Creating a Culture Where You Promote From Within with Tom Carolan and Jennifer Rollins at Digital Market Media

Leaders in the Trenches

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2023 28:26


Companies that promote from within have a competitive advantage over those that rely heavily on external recruitment. Creating a culture where you promote from within is an effective way to improve employee retention and build a more engaged and loyal workforce. It demonstrates a commitment to employee growth and development, which can lead to increased job satisfaction and motivation. To promote from within, organizations must have a clear career progression plan and offer opportunities for upskilling and professional development. Today's guests are Tom Carolan, Co-founder and CEO and Jennifer Rollins, the Senior HR Advisor at Digital Market Media. Inc Magazine ranked their company #2276 and recipient of the Power Partners Award. Digital Market Media is a national award-winning performance marketing company that enables the world's leading brands to acquire valuable new customers at scale. Providing media buying, lead generation, and live transfer calls for the insurance, financial services, and healthcare sectors. In this podcast, Tom and Jennifer talk about the benefits when organizations promote from within and create a culture that fosters career growth and advancement opportunities. They also talk about shared goals and values alignment. Tune in to learn more about creating a culture where you promote from within and strategies for developing and retaining top talent.   Get the show notes for Creating a Culture Where You Promote From Within with Tom Carolan and Jennifer Rollins at Digital  Market Media Click to Tweet: Listening to a fantastic episode on Growth Think Tank with #TomCarolan #JenniferRollins featuring your host @GeneHammett https://bit.ly/gttTomCarolanJenniferRollins   #PromoteFromWithin #GeneHammettPodcast #GHepisode968 #Inc2022 #performancemarketingcompany Give Growth Think Tank a review on iTunes!

This Is Called The Show
28: Scale or Die

This Is Called The Show

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2023 55:51


Hank and Lauren want out! Even as an entrepreneur, the only way to NOT work for your company, is to put your company to work for you.. that means you need to scale. It's time for 2 Market Media to scale. Hank and Lauren start to break it down for you and for their own future.

scale market media
HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo
Ep103 - Kitt O'Malley: Finding Balance with Bipolar Disorder

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 2, 2022 53:14


Imagine being a young therapist who walked away from her career due to her own mental illness. As a mother and wife, Kitt O'Malley was confronted with that choice when she noticed a shift in behavior that was detrimental to herself and others. On this episode of HIListically Speaking, she shares more about the stigma between bipolar and depression that haunted her for two decades. How her psychotherapy background helped her show up powerfully for her son and his emotional well-being and some sage advice to parents when it comes to accountability. What it means to successful. And a reminder from one perfectionist to another, you are enough. To grab a copy of Kitt O'Malley's book,  Balancing Act - Writing Through a Bipolar Life, find it on Amazon.  You can also connect with her on her website https://www.kittomalley.com or instagram at  @kittomalley If this conversation touched, moved or inspired you in any way... leave a review, pass it along, and consider signing up to receive info on upcoming HIListically Speaking episodes at http://hilisticallyspeaking.com/ Connect with Hilary on Social Media @hilaryrusso Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/hilaryrusso Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking/ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking Website: http://www.hilaryrusso.com/ Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD9Zog7G0YoglxYEiftvGqtJbirq474J3   HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo Created/Hosted by Hilary Russo Music by Lipbone Redding Edited by 2 Market Media

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo
Ep102 - Danielle Allore-Taylor: Stuffed with Love: Healing Anxiety & Restoring Friendships

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 19, 2022 59:38


They provide comfort, companionship, and make agreeable partners in crime. From stuffed animals to baby blankets, you likely had one that never left your side. And for good reason. These fluffs of comfort are an important part of childhood development. And if you're like me, they are still in your life. Danielle Allore-Taylor understands the importance of our first childhood love more than anymore. She restored thousands of childhood memories for people looking to preserve their memories. When I stumbled across her popular TikTok, I was hooked. And you will be too. On this episode, we dig deep into our own anxiety. You'll discover new ways to connect with your first true love. Danielle even shares the story of one very special bear that made her restoration project more of a healing movement for those she helps, including herself. Plus, a chance for you to join her movement, meet our first besties and perhaps find a way back to your first true love too. Connect with Danielle on TikTok and Instagram @A_Tall_Glass_Of_Anxiety https://www.tiktok.com/@a_tall_glass_of_anxiety  https://www.instagram.com/a_tall_glass_of_anxiety or reach out to her website. FluffStuffedAnimalRestoration@gmail.com And while you're TikTok, connect with me as well: https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking. Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso/ Want to learn how you can take control of your own anxiety, set up a call with me and let's HUG it Out and put the power of active emotional well being in your own hands.  https://hilaryrusso.as.me/hugitout If this conversation touched, moved or inspired you in any way…pay it forward. And be sure to subscribe wherever you listen or if you watch on YouTube. Connect with Hilary on Social Media @hilaryrusso Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/hilaryrusso Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hilaryrusso/ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking Website: http://www.hilaryrusso.com/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD9Zog7G0YoglxYEiftvGqtJbirq474J3 HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo Created/Hosted by Hilary Russo Music by Lipbone Redding Edited by 2 Market Media 

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo
Ep101 - Dr. Ellen Albertson: How to Rock Your Midlife

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 12, 2022 44:50


How are you rocking your midlife?  With October being both menopause awareness month and breast cancer awareness month,  this is the perfect time to reevaluate how you are showing up for yourself. And Dr. Ellen Albertson is here to help.  Called the The Midlife Whisperer™, Dr. Ellen joins Hilary to share her secrets on how to make the years of midlife your best life.  From dating and finding love again to honoring your inner queen with compassion, clarity and kindness. Plus, she shares her own journey with cancer and the holistic approaches that have supported her mind, body and spirit.  And to help you be the rock star that you are:  Dr. Ellen is offering her 10 tips to Rock Your Midlife download: http://eepurl.com/dHqlmT Plus, Hilary's is sharing her guided meditation: Self-Havening to manage your hot flashes and hormones. Access it here: https://www.hilaryrusso.com/hormones Want a chance to win a copy of Dr. Ellen's book? Follow Hilary on Instagram @hilaryrusso and watch for details on how to take home a copy of Rock Your Midlife: Seven Steps to Transform  and Make Your Next Chapter Your Best Chapter.    Dr. Ellen's website: https://themidlifewhisperer.com/  Social media: https://www.instagram.com/the_midlife_whisperer/  Twitter @RockYourMidlife Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrEllenAlbertson  Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drellenalbertson/  Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/tigerwellness1/_created/ If this conversation touched, moved or inspired you in any way... pass it along, leave a review and be sure to subscribe where ever you listen or watch the show.  Connect with Hilary on Social Media @hilaryrusso Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/hilaryrusso Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hilaryrusso/ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking Website: http://www.hilisticallyspeaking.com/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD9Zog7G0YoglxYEiftvGqtJbirq474J3 HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo Created/Hosted by Hilary Russo Music by Lipbone Redding Edited by 2 Market Media

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo
Ep99 - Jeff Johnston: Living Undeterred After Loss

HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 28, 2022 83:26


It only takes one moment to change the trajectory of your life. And on October 4, 2016, Jeff Johnston learned that first hand when his oldest son, Seth, died from fentanyl poisoning. He was 23. In that moment, he realized he had to chose one of two roads: bitter or better.  A few years later, his world came crashing down again when his wife Prudence died from alcoholism. How does one cope? You keep learning, evolving and finding lessons from the losses. Or as Jeff's father used to say, “If you're green you grow, if you're ripe, you rot.”     In today's world of pills, Jeff believes in a “mental health whack a mole” that includes spending 2-3 hours per day on self-care. We learn about the most important minutes of your day, how to achieve a pure lifestyle without resorting to vices. The moral obligation you have as a parent will dictate how you deal with issues with your kids. The difficulties of talking to your kids about serious topics with honesty and not holding back. And why this is vital for their well-being. How Jeff is Living Undeterred and making a difference on on a journey of many miles.  You can find out more about Jeff and Living Undeterred by visiting his website https://www.livingundeterred.com/ Connect with him on social media: IG: https://www.instagram.com/livingundeterred/  Podcast: https://linktr.ee/LivingUndeterred  Twitter: https://twitter.com/undeterreddad  Facebook: https://facebook.com/LivingUndeterred  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffrey-a-johnston/  Book: www.thisonesforyoubook.com If this conversation touched, moved or inspired you in any way... pass it along, leave a review and be sure to subscribe where ever you listen or watch the show.  Interested in learning more about how Havening can help you alter your thoughts, moods and  behaviors, set up a call with Hilary here: https://hilaryrusso.as.me/hugitout Connect with Hilary on Social Media @hilaryrusso Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/hilaryrusso Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hilaryrusso/ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking Website: http://www.hilisticallyspeaking.com/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD9Zog7G0YoglxYEiftvGqtJbirq474J3 HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo Created/Hosted by Hilary Russo Music by Lipbone Redding Edited by 2 Market Media

The Wolf of Queen Street
Media's Impact On Investments | What Is Impacting Investing | Negative Market | Media Influence On Society - The Daily Nugget # 57

The Wolf of Queen Street

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 2, 2022 5:29


Welcome to the daily nugget, property insights across New Zealand. 1 question, 20 minutes or less. Today's topic: Media's Impact On Investments. Hosted by Lawrence Lotze and joined by James Blair. For any details around James please head over to his website: https://lighthousefinancial.co.nz/

The Sports Junkies
Huge score at MGM, Baker Mayfield on the market, Media Day

The Sports Junkies

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 21, 2022 39:14


3/21 Hour 4   1:00 Huge score at MGM 20:00 Baker Mayfield hits the market 34:00 Media Day at Avenel

Media Insultant
Under the bus ya go! Who threw Cox under it? Lee is under assault from Alden and LA is no longer a competitive CHR market. Media Insultant Tuesday Edition 12.14.21

Media Insultant

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 14, 2021 19:14


THE LEE NEWSPAPERS MAY BE THE LAST OF THE SURVIVORS…THE PARTY IS OVER IN LA...ANOTHER BLOW FOR AM RADIO?THE FCC SLAPS COX RADIO OVER THE SALE OF FL STATIONS...AND WHAT DOES NEW YORK HAVE TO DO WITH FM VALUES IN FLORIDA??Welcome to the only Vlog/podcast to examine and offer opinions on the world of media.  Jackson Weaver and Keith Samuels get together each Tuesday and Thursday to spout ideas and opinions about the media space. All our shows are on Vimeo (video) and all podcast platforms – iHeart, Apple, Overcast, Pandora, etc.  Comments anytime at jackson@intownmedia.com and www.intownmedia.com

The Next Play
04: What's Next For You

The Next Play

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 6, 2021 27:20


In this episode, Richie covers the topic of mastering your mind and mental toughness. The information in this episode is the key to go from failure to winning -- or from winning to winning even more! This episode is for you. You wouldn't be here if you weren't already looking to win more. Richie shares a personal coaching experience that led to his breakthrough. Starting to work with 2 Market Media was one of the most emotional weeks of his life and in this episode, Richie plays the recording from his breakthrough call with Hank Norman. Learn more about having Richie speak at your next event or how he can implement the Next Play™ Accountability System in your organization: https://www.relentlessrichie.com Learn more about the Relentless Warrior Fitness accountability and coaching program: https://relentlesswarriorfit.com Free Access to Relentless University: RelentlessUniversity.com Download the Relentless University app free: http://onelink.to/6cjar9 Follow Richie on Social: IG: @RelentlessRichie Facebook: @RelentlessRichie

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The Root of All Success with The Real Jason Duncan
The Reality Of Media And The Future It Brings Ft. Steve Carlis

The Root of All Success with The Real Jason Duncan

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 30, 2021 55:09


Steve Carlis is one of the most interesting entrepreneurs on this show, due to his unique presence in everything media related. Steve was the President of Shooting Gallery, which helped create over 50 films including two-time Academy Award Nominated film, Slingblade. On top of being the winner of the Ernst and Young 2000 Entrepreneur of the Year award, he was also the executive producer of the Academy Award Nominated film - You Can Count on Me. Steve has produced Emmy Award Nominated feature-length documentary, With All Deliberate Speed, and numerous TV shows with Discovery Channel, National Geographic, Animal Planet, and VH1. Steve is now the Managing Partner of 2 Market Media, as well as executive Producer of numerous TV shows and nationally syndicated radio shows and manages the media profiles and business of highly successful media personalities. Join the conversation between Steve and me as we talk about media presence, the keys to selling yourself, and managing relationships.    Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review & share! https://therealjasonduncan.com/podcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Strong Com Podcast
From Weak to Strong - Peacemaker to Earthshaker - Strong Opinions

Strong Com Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 1, 2021 28:40


In this episode I share the outcome of a coaching call I was recently on with Hank Norman and Lauren Pringle of 2 Market Media.  This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit localleadership.substack.com

The Flip
Mass-Market Media with StarNews Mobile's Guy Kamgaing

The Flip

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 4, 2021 27:31


In this episode, we explore entertainment for mass-market consumers in Africa with Guy Kamgaing, the Founder and CEO of StarNews Mobile.Throughout the series of episodes, we're exploring the entrepreneurs in start-ups digitizing informal and fragmented industries on the continent. And in the media space, that means building a product fit for the realities of mass-market consumers. In a world of abundant free content on YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat, and other "data guzzling" platforms, StarNews is building a business selling a la carte microcontent bundled with telco data, and they're selling it to millions of African consumers, while simultaneously helping creators make money off of their content, as well. 04:05 - First question, what is StarNews' background story?06:52 - A deeper dive into the product, from both the content development and distribution perspectives.10:30 - Why would a consumer pay for content when so much free content is readily available elsewhere?15:47 - A discussion on StarNews' growth, and expansion from Côte d'Ivoire, across Francophone African countries, to South Africa.18:05 - On partnering with telcos.20:29 - How are the streaming wars between Netflix and Disney influencing strategy, and why is StarNews investing in content development?This episode is part of our conversational series sponsored by MFS Africa. MFS Africa's competition is with cash, and throughout this series, we'll feature other startups and entrepreneurs who are digitizing, better organizing, and aggregating analog and fragmented industries.Follow The Flip on social media @theflipafrica.

Thinking Outside The Bud
Cynthia Salarizadeh, Founder of AxisWire & House of Saka, Co-founder of Green Market Media

Thinking Outside The Bud

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 12, 2021 30:01


Thinking Outside the Bud is a business podcast devoted to driving innovation in the cannabis space. During each episode, we speak with founders, investors, thought leaders, researchers, advocates, and policy makers who are finding new and exciting ways for cannabis to positively impact business, society, and culture. Have each episode delivered to your inbox by subscribing here: http://www.thinkingoutsidethebud.com/subscribe

Gutter 2 Gutter
#24 - Aaron Andrew Murray (Black Market Media)

Gutter 2 Gutter

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 12, 2020 37:35


In this episode, I am joined by Aaron Andrew Murray of Black Market Media and more recently Black Market FPV. He is pushing the boundaries of what can be done with FPV drones and coming up with amazing footage to prove it. He is the official drone pilot for Pheasantwood Circuit and puts together amazing Photo/Video packages! You can find him on instagram here https://www.instagram.com/blackmarket.media/ and here https://www.instagram.com/blackmarket.fpv/ Don't forget to follow the podcast on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/gutter2gutterpodcast/ and on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/G2GPodcast/ You can also find Static on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/staticstreetcarsandcustoms/

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Black Compass Media
P TALKS "THE CRUCIBLE", ULTIMATE MADNESS & BLAQ MARKET MEDIA HD

Black Compass Media

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 24, 2020 132:07


Producer and Booker, P from URL stops through to talk about THE CRUCIBLE. The details of the tournament, the judges, WHY it's happening and MORE! Hear P's thoughts on conspiracy angles, the past PG process and scouting. He also takes supporter calls! Definitely a MUST LISTEN!

Legally Enlightened with Lisa Fraley
EP59: Kendrick Shope on Making $1M By Age 40 & How Legal Docs Helped Her

Legally Enlightened with Lisa Fraley

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2019 23:50


Today I talk with an expert on authentic selling, Kendrick Shope. Kendrick set a goal to make $1 million before age 40 - and she did it! She credits using legal documents for helping her. In this episode, Kendrick shares how exactly her Client Agreement saved her from throwing in the towel on her business. Even though everyone’s situation is unique and different, Kendrick is sharing her story as a way to inspire other business owners and entrepreneurs to protect their income if they’re truly serious about their business. Kendrick Shope is the creator of the leading sales training for women entrepreneurs, and the Authentic Selling® process which has created millions of dollars in revenue and new business for her clients. Kendrick’s hosts her own daily talk show The Kendrick Shope Show, and the Sell Like A Woman Podcast, reaching nearly 100 thousand followers in six continents. Kendrick’s work has been featured on the Steve Harvey Show, NBC, Forbes, INC, and more. You can learn more about coaching with Kendrick by visiting kendrickshope.com or contacting 2 Market Media regarding speaking or media appearances. In this episode Lisa and Kendrick discuss: Why Kendrick is focused on speaking for 2019 The value of authentic selling - and what that even means Kendrick’s legal protection journey and how her Client Agreement saved her How using legal documents for the first time can be scary   How contracts can create clarity, confidence and boundaries Why Kendrick says you need to question if you’re truly serious about your business Why Lisa believes legal documents protect you practically and energetically Free Gift:Download Kendrick’s free gift - “10 Keys to Double Your Sales in 6 Months”- at kendrickshope.com Resources:Easy Legal Steps - download the first book chapter free! Mentions: Kendrick Shope’s Website Kendrick’s Sales School   Steve Harvey Show Grant Cardone Do you have questions about legal documents? Feel free to reach out to us at clientlove@lisafraley.com. We’re always happy to help you however we can and help point you in the right direction, whether we can help you specifically or whether we refer you to another attorney.

5 Minute Success - The Podcast
Kendrick Shope - Secrets to Authentic Selling Revealed: 5 Minute Success- The Podcast

5 Minute Success - The Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 28, 2019 28:07


Kendrick Shope is the creator of the leading sales training for women entrepreneurs, and the Authentic Selling® process which has created millions of dollars in revenue and new business for her clients.   Kendrick’s hosts her own daily talk show The Kendrick Shope Show, and the Sell Like A Woman Podcast, reaching nearly 100 thousand followers in six continents.   Kendrick’s work has been featured on the Steve Harvey Show, NBC, Forbes, INC, and more. You can learn more about coaching with Kendrick by clicking here or contacting 2 Market Media regarding speaking or media appearances.     In this episode, Karen and Kendrick discuss: Success Story of Kendrick Commit to Get Leads Prospecting and engagement are the first two steps of the seven-step selling process. Get on social media, put yourself out there. Consult to Sell Be able to answer one question: why would somebody choose me over somebody else? That is the first question that needs answered to close any sale. Connect to Build and Grow Be willing to keep your mouth shut, listen to others, and learn from them, then schedule time every single week for prospecting. Success Thinking, Activities and Vision Believe in your product/service, believe in your ability to sell, believe in your ability to make a difference. Without belief, you aren’t going to help as many people as you can help or make as much money as you can make. Sweet Spot of Success     "You can be anything you want to be in this world, all you have to do is believe."- Kendrick Shope     *5 Minute Success - Listener Giveaway* Go here to receive your FREE 10 Keys to Doubling Your Sales in 6 Months or Less!     Connect with Kendrick Shope:   Website: KendrickShope.com     About the Podcast Join host Karen Briscoe each week to learn how you can achieve success at a higher level by investing just 5 minutes a day! Tune in to hear powerful, inspirational success stories and expert insights from entrepreneurs, business owners, industry leaders, and real estate agents that will transform your business and life. Karen shares a-ha moments that have shaped her career and discusses key concepts from her book Real Estate Success in 5 Minutes a Day: Secrets of a Top Agent Revealed.   Here’s to your success in business and in life!     Connect with Karen Briscoe:   Twitter: @5MinuteSuccess Facebook: 5MinuteSuccess Website: 5MinuteSuccess.com Email: Karen@5MinuteSuccess.com   5 Minute Success Links   Learn more about Karen’s book, Real Estate Success in 5 Minutes a Day   Subscribe to 5 Minute Success Podcast   Spread the love and share the secrets of 5 Minute Success with your friends and colleagues!     Audio production by Turnkey Podcast Productions. You're the expert. Your podcast will prove it.  

Legal Road Map®: copyright, trademark and business law info for online entrepreneurs
Kendrick Shope on the right legal protections (S3E76)

Legal Road Map®: copyright, trademark and business law info for online entrepreneurs

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2019 30:15


The Sales School and Authentic Selling founder shares about hiring a lawyer to create a custom contract for her online sales coaching business, and how her lawyer was able to talk her off a cliff during a difficult customer situation.   Case Study Highlights: How the universe responds when you take your business seriously and set things up the right way How she knew it was time to work with a lawyer on a contract, but really appreciated Having a lawyer on her side later during a difficult customer situation Why you don’t want to be on the wrong side of not having the right protection for your business — you’re working too hard, spending too much time away from your family to lose it Why it’s been important to work with professionals who understand online business The education process of figuring out the legal protections you need for your business Why she does not DIY legal for her fast-growing business KEY TAKEAWAY: Having a trusted legal advisor on your team will help you figure out what to do and get through situations that aren’t so fun.   Kendrick Shope is the creator of Authentic Selling® and expert who empowers women to make millions without sacrificing their integrity. Kendrick also hosts her own radio and podcast show host, is in development with 2 Market Media on her own reality show and is finalizing a deal on her first book, “Sell Like A Woman.” Today, Kendrick runs an online Sales School where she teaches women how to create massive success using Authentic Selling®. Sign up below to get a free 5 Minute Intellectual Property Audit to learn how you can make more money from the copyrights and trademarks in your business (plus be the first to know when new episodes are live). This podcast is information, not legal advice specific to your situation.

Patience & Hustle Daily
3 Tips to improving the audio quality of your podcasts

Patience & Hustle Daily

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 6, 2019 6:27


Thank you for tuning into Patience and Hustle Daily! I have a really big podcast coming soon that you will NOT want to miss! It’s all about the best and greatest tips on branding. I’m not doing the podcast alone though! I am bringing two amazing people to help me with it. I’m bringing in Tim Coe who is out of the UK, he is an incredible marketing expert, and bringing in the Hank Norman of 2 Market Media. Hank is a media guru who has worked with famous people like Grant Cardone! This will be an episode you will want to watch out! In the mean time while that is currently cooking, I want to bring you something fresh to hold you over and give you some added value. I want to give you 3 things you can do to improve the audio quality of your podcast. 1 Get a pop filter, and move a little bit away from the microphone. A pop filter will help screen out some of the air, to help prevent those “Plosives”, like the P, and B. With that you can position that about 5 inches away from the mic to also force you to keep your distance. Why though? This will help you will harsh sounds that may come through when speaking so it doesn’t Peak the signal and cause distortion. 2 Set the recording level accordingly. When you’re testing out the sound, set the volume to just a little over half way on the meter. You don’t want the recording level to be almost maxed out, because if you get louder it could peak the signal, again, causing distortion. When you go back to edit the audio, you can boost the signal, add in compression and make up the couple of decibels that were lost. Setting the recording levels correctly will help eliminate a lot of post editing issues you may come across. 3 When editing, you should always use what is called a “high pass filter” This is done with the Equalization plug in that is in the audio software you’re using. Whether that software is GarageBand, Ableton, ProTools, Audacity, Audition, or something else, it will have an EQ plug in. You’ll want to find a spot between 0 and typically 100 hz, where it just cuts out the low shelf noise, but doesn’t affect the natural sound of your voice. As you move it around, if you cut too much you’ll hear your voice sound thin, and not normal, so you just back it off until you don’t hear an actually difference in your voice. I know that seems weird, like, when you edit, it should change the sound of something, right? In most cases. With editing, sometimes it’s about eliminating something that just doesn’t add any quality. Using a high pass filter will help cut out any low humming noise that may just muddy up the audio quality. There you have it! 3 easy things you can do that will make a big difference! If you have questions, let me know! Hit me up, lance@patienceandhustledaily.com ­ --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/patienceandhustledaily/support

Daniel Alonzo's Wealth On The Beach Podcast
Everyone Needs to be Famous with Hank Norman

Daniel Alonzo's Wealth On The Beach Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 25, 2018 49:42


My guest today is modern day media mogul Hank Norman, who has been creating TV and media stars for over 25 years. He helped create shows and cable networks like The View and Oxygen, and is the co-founder of 2 Market Media. Through his work, Hank understands that everyone needs to know how to get attention, and how to get paid using the media. Tune in for our conversation where we talk about how to put yourself out there and show your real self, and the returns that you will experience as a result.

tv oxygen everyone needs hank norman market media
Legal Road Map®: copyright, trademark and business law info for online entrepreneurs
Kendrick Shope on the right legal protections (LRM S2E16)

Legal Road Map®: copyright, trademark and business law info for online entrepreneurs

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 9, 2017 28:28


The Sales School and Authentic Selling founder shares about hiring a lawyer to create a custom contract for her online sales coaching business, and how her lawyer was able to talk her off a cliff during a difficult customer situation.   Case Study Highlights: how the universe responds when you take your business seriously and set things up the right way how she knew it was time to work with a lawyer on a contract, but really appreciated having a lawyer on her side later during a difficult customer situation why you don't want to be on the wrong side of not having the right protection for your business -- you're working too hard, spending too much time away from your family to lose it why it's been important to work with professionals who understand online business the education process of figuring out the legal protections you need for your business why she does not DIY legal for her fast-growing business KEY TAKEAWAY: Having a trusted legal advisor on your team will help you figure out what to do and get through situations that aren’t so fun.   Kendrick Shope is the creator of Authentic Selling® and expert who empowers women to make millions without sacrificing their integrity. Kendrick also hosts her own radio and podcast show host, is in development with 2 Market Media on her own reality show and is finalizing a deal on her first book, “Sell Like A Woman.” Today, Kendrick runs an online Sales School where she teaches women how to create massive success using Authentic Selling®. Sign up below to get a free 5 Minute Intellectual Property Audit to learn how you can make more money from the copyrights and trademarks in your business (plus be the first to know when new episodes are live). This podcast is information, not legal advice specific to your situation.  

The Secrets to Winning with Dr. Bhrett McCabe
Building a Successful Brand Around Yourself with Hank Norman, Founder of 2 Market Media

The Secrets to Winning with Dr. Bhrett McCabe

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 5, 2017 40:22


Hank Norman is a brand builder to the stars! He's worked with some of the biggest media personalities around such as Steve Harvey, Tim Storey, and Grant Cardone. He's a TV producer, development executive, media coach, and entrepreneur and is founder and partner of 2 Market Media, and he is here today to teach you how to get famous and blow up your business.   This episode brought to you by:  This podcast is brought to you by Amino VITAL, a World Leader in amino acid, nutritional hydration products.  You might not know a lot about amino acids, but if you are looking for a healthy alternative to sugary sports drinks, then you owe it to yourself discover Amino VITAL's new ACTION and RAPID RECOVERY formulas.  Zero caffeine. Non GMO. Certified Vegan — and packed with plant-based amino acids. Discover these and more energizing drink mixes to enhance your active lifestyle at your local Target store or visit amino-vital.com and enter Offer Code: MINDSIDE to SAVE 20% off your order.

Break Into Travel Writing Podcast
BITW 098: Viking Social Christmas Market Media Trip

Break Into Travel Writing Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 5, 2017 72:07


Today’s show focuses on the Viking Cruise media trip I took with the International Food, Wine, Travel Writers Association. I share everything including how I applied and landed this media trip to the amazing Viking Cruise experience and the magical German Christmas markets. To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: Click Here [...] The post BITW 098: Viking Social Christmas Market Media Trip appeared first on Break Into Travel Writing.

Break Into Travel Writing | Travel | Adventure | Lifestyle Design
BITW 098: Viking Social Christmas Market Media Trip

Break Into Travel Writing | Travel | Adventure | Lifestyle Design

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 5, 2017 72:07


Today’s show focuses on the Viking Cruise media trip I took with the International Food, Wine, Travel Writers Association. I share everything including how I applied and landed this media trip to the amazing Viking Cruise experience and the magical German Christmas markets. To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: Click Here [...] The post BITW 098: Viking Social Christmas Market Media Trip appeared first on Break Into Travel Writing.

Real Time: Real Men Only
Episode 53: The "Who" you are Market Media Strategies with Jack Mize

Real Time: Real Men Only

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 16, 2015 48:00


Nic raps with Jack Mize from Authority Alchemy Podcast and Influencers Radio. They chat about the Who you are Marketing instead of the What you are Marketing principle. They discuss trust triggers, the 4 questions you must know that are already in your clients mind before you even meet them. You will hear about addressing the problem versus answering the problem. Find out why the perfect prospect would still not work with you and why. What words you should you in your business. Why is niching down so tough? Why people are afraid of getting a "yes". How to get 3rd party recognition when you are writing a book. What framework you need to position yourself in your business.

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