The Rabbi and The Shrink

What do you do to be a bad boss?What's the greatest gift you can give?Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself?These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Brain Science maven Melissa Hughes, Ph.D. joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissahughesphd/https://www.melissahughes.rocks/2:00 Knowing our past gives us a sense of direction for the futureFrom 4th grade teacher to neuroscience researcherWe all have access to information; how are we using it?6:30  What do you do to be a bad boss?Traditional hierarchy vs. teamsPsychological safety and Maslow's hierarchy of needsWe all want to feel that we belongInnovation is all about challenging the status quo“This is how we do it” vs. “Can we do it better?”11:00 Who is wise?  One who learns from every personWe have to know what works, but also what doesn't workObstacles vs. challenges:  the brain loves challengesLeaders who listen to employees create a culture of problem solving15:00 The best way to learn is to teachWe all teach and we all learnWe all contribute and we're all recognizedThe brain doesn't differentiate between physical and emotional threatsDiversity of perspective leads to full understandingWhat's the greatest gift we can give?19:30  When we contribute we fee ownership and controlPatterns and self-fulfilling propheciesWe notice what we're looking forWould I talk to another person the way I talk to myself?Showing gratitude benefits us more that the object of our appreciation 25:00 The brain's bouncerThe brain let's in what we tell it to29:30  The word of the day: Adumbrativeserving to foreshadow; faintly indicativeWe create our own reality through our experiences, habits, and expectations

How does pleasure distract us from our own unhappiness?How is social media designed to control our minds and behaviors?What is the formula for good digital health and well-being?Learn the answers to these and many other essential question when digital wellbeing expert Giancarlo Pitocco joins The Rabbi and the Shrink in this episode from the archives.https://www.linkedin.com/in/gcpofnyc/purposeful.co1:00 We need to reclaim control of our lives from technologyShift your attention from being hijacked by our devicesFB has been exploited and misused by unethical players to manipulate and serve their own agendasDo you know how much time you're spending in front of a screen?4:30 We don't know what happiness is.Pleasure often distracts us from our own unhappiness.If you're not dependent on external factors for happiness, you're in control of your life and live more fully7:00  Is it good to be easily amused?Being delighted by simple pleasures makes the experience of living richer.Social media is designed to keep us consuming, almost but never quite satisfied.11:00 Are you making your future self proud by what you're doing now?What happens when our lives become all about comfort, convenience, and stimulation?The purpose of the game is to play the game; the purpose is the processWe're living in the Roman Empire14:00 What are you doing with your life if you don't have aspirations and values?Pushing the boundaries of comfort and familiarity keeps us growing and truly alive“The obstacle is the way”We can be navigators of our lives, or we can be carried on the current.Prioritization give us control19:00 The five stages of digital well being1. Attention -- you want to be the DJ of your life by placing the needle where it should be2. Values -- Evaluate how new technology affects your relationships, your work, and your attitudeswe can't eliminate technology from our lives, but we can choose how to allow it in.Google “dark patterns” to learn the dangersSocial media is designed to make you addicted; they are selling your time and attention, turning you from a consumer into a commodity.“The Attention Merchants” by Tim Wu35:003. Boundaries -- without priorities, you never get to the important stuffDon't plug in your phone next to your bedBuy an alarm clock37:304. High quality leisure timeUnwind doing something projective and creativeSpend time with people39:005. Solitude -- learn to be with yourselfThe fundamental value of self-discipline.Easy and fun entertainment seduces us from doing what we know is in our best interest.No one changes behavior without incentive.  That's why a clear WHY is critical to our digital health.44:45 The word of the day: dissilient -- bursting open or springing apart (Yiddish: plotz)We should be living with so much enthusiasm welling up inside us that we don't seek or respond to external distraction. 47:00 Education can be merely a form of entertainment if it doesn't lead to action.Go into your phone and look at screen time or digital wellbeing and see how much time you're spending on your device.49:00  How would your life and relationships be healthier if you spent less time on technology?What will you do or have you done to make a positive change in your life?

How do we nurture our passion when the world around us stands in our way?What's the difference between passion and indulgence?How can employers increase passion?These and other important questions are addressed when passion guru Kira Day joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://thepassioncentre.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kiraday/1:00 What is the passion gap?Too many people don't care about their workConfusing passion with mission sends us down the wrong pathOften we need to come from a place of darkness to appreciate light4:30 Our pains become our passions, and tension produces balanceWhat is the Passion Test?What are the internal and external drivers of passion?Passion makes us better9:00 The four passion bucketsWhat are the underlying reasons for our passions?Internal -- natural interestsSocial environment -- connections and safetyFunctional -- support and developmentPsychological -- autonomy, mastery, purposeDifferent people can be passionate about the same thing for very different reasons14:00 Why are we passionate about spectator sports?Gladiatorial battle or hero's journey?If entertainment distracts us, does that make us less passionate?18:00 What's the difference between passion and indulgence?Passion = meaning x investmentPurpose = passion sharedOverindulgence reveals imbalance24:00 How can employers increase passion?Care more!Put more heart into a job by allowing people to be people… give them a reason to be loyalYou can't buy loyalty with money but with meaning28:00 Why do ethics produce passion?Why is procrastination a gift?31:00 Word of the day: Imputresciblenot liable to decomposition or putrefaction; incorruptible:Keeping passionately alive ensures our spirit won't putrefy and we won't corrupt our core valuesPassion is the lift inside of us which connects us to the world around us34:00 How do we nurture our passion when the world around us stands in our way?You -- obstacle -- passionBelieve in yourself and your purpose, then obstacles will move out of your way39:00 With passion anything is possibleWhen in doubt, pretend to be you

What's the difference between influence and manipulation?How has COVID created the need for a new leadership breed?How do you lead those who don't want to take risks to do what's right?These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Judith Germain, the Mindful Maverick, joins the Rabbi and the Shrink in this archive episode..https://www.linkedin.com/in/judithgermain/https://themaverickparadox.com/1:00 What is the Maverick Paradox?What kind of leader will risk everything to do what's right and give up everything to defend it?Why do companies hire mavericks and then resent them?You can be a maverick by personality or by visionMaverick leader is who you are and what you actually doEveryone can be a maverick leader5:00 We all have the potential but we don't all have the will“Maverick leaders will swim upstream like a salmon even though they know there's a bear waiting for them7:30 How do you lead those who don't want to take risks to do what's right?All of human experience is paradoxicalLeaders need to be consultants and promote an antifragile culture12:00 How do we help mavericks grow?The difference between extroverted mavericks and introverted mavericksPatience is a learned traitManage the tension between independence and interdependenceAuthentic leadership is getting others to want to do the right thing15:00 What's the difference between influence and manipulation?It comes down to intentionEventually people revolt against manipulationMaverick leaders are great storytellersWhat's the difference between socialized mavericks and extreme mavericks?19:00 It's lonely being a maverickPull yourself out of the fight to carry on the fightWhen does tension lead to innovation?How has COVID created the need for a new breed of leaders?25:00 If you're not being challenged, something is wrong.Unanimity is overratedIf a maverick stops arguing, it means they've stopped caring29:00 Four different personalitiesConformist, maverick behaviorist, socialized maverick, and extreme maverickBalance the good of others and the good of themselvesWhat are the defining characteristics of a maverick leader:DeterminedReputation -- character and competenceInfluenceVersatilityExecutionNarrationDifferences with a sense of common vision drives success34:00 Trust is built or undermined over timePrincipled leadership inspires trusting followershipGrover ClevelandUnreasonable expectations sabotages the systemEthics always begins with accountabilityOnly through passionate engagement and constructive disagreement can we get closer to the truth45:00  Word of the day:  iconoclastChallenge the conventional wisdomWhen politics becomes religion, there can be no ethical debateStrike the balance between civility and being contrarian

How do we defend and secure free speech in a culture that is increasingly uncivil and disinterested in facts and logic?This is the topic we take up when self-care guru, corporate trainer, and motivational speaker Breeda Miller joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.Here are the bullet points:The elements of free speech: ability, consequences, and responsibility.Language and thought -- one can corrupt the otherCandor vs courtesyThe ability to disagree without being disagreeableIs it okay to speak up when you don't understand the culture?We can't legislate good behavior, but we can legislate responsible behavior.Curiosity vs. judgmentalism.Relationships can change hearts and minds.Tone is integral to communication, and we have to give others the chance to know us.We have to be willing to question where our beliefs come from.Travel -- broadening our boundaries -- provides us the opportunity to appreciate different outlooks and perspectives.Oppressive culture suppresses thought by controlling speech.How do we engage people who reject facts and logic?Challenge yourself to articulate opposing points of view.Good intention, clear thinking, informed action lead to ethical decision making.Free speech isn't free, freedom is earned, and rights go hand in hand with responsibilities.

Why are New Year's resolutions so hard to keep?Do we want to change enough to really commit ourselves?What are some basic strategies to do and be better?These and other critical questions are addressed in this archive episode of The Rabbi and the Shrink.1:00 Repentance means a return to the straight and narrow through 1) stopping the improper behavior, 2) feeling remorse, 3) verbalizing our apology, and 4) planning a strategy not to backslide into old behaviors.  Without a specific, concrete plan we have little chance of achieving lasting change.4:00 The story of the first time Rabbi Goldson observed the Sabbath according to Jewish law, which demonstrates that the promises we make to ourselves may be the most important promises we keep.9:30 Many people are not good to themselves, which may be why ethics really does start at home.  What do you do to take care of or honor yourself?11:00 Is there any sin that is truly unforgivable?  According to the sages, only seven biblical figures totally forfeited their share in the world to come through actions that led others to sin. 13:00 Start with achievable goals. Find accountability partners.15:00 Are there do-overs?  Aside from the most egregious and lasting harm we might cause, we should be able to hit a reset button and commit to better behavior than wallowing in regret or resentment.If a sin leads me to set higher standards for myself, then it actually becomes metabolized into something positive.18:00 Look at the past with fresh eyes, recognize each party's responsibility, evaluate with empathy, identify what needs fixing.We are heroes and victims and witnesses in almost every situation.  We need to ask ourselves: how do we become heroes?21:00 There's no app for being ethical, and there shouldn't be.  It's by grappling with gray areas that we develop our ethical muscles.When it comes to our errors, we can always make ourselves better, but we can't always repair the damage we've done.23:30 Moderating our response to others' mistakes, especially children.25:30 The Nazi officer asked a camp inmate for forgiveness.  Should the Jew have forgiven him?28:00 Does mental illness exempt a person from culpability?  But it shifts responsibility to seeking help and to those in a position to help.  Sometimes we just have to struggle with the impossibility of finding closure.33:00  What was, what can be, and what should be, is the path forward.Continuing behavior should not be forgiven unless it is uncontrollable or no effort is being made to control it.  The evils of sarcasm.39:00 Word of the day: incogitant -- thoughtless, careless, or lacking the faculty of thought.  We have to be thoughtful to be ethical, but we also have to balance high standards against reasonable expectations for others and ourselves.The Hebrew word for rebuke shares its root with the word for vindication.42:30 How do we understand the biblical command not to bear a grudge?  We can't control our feelings, but we can control whether we act on or articulate our feelings.We don't have to say everything we think. Only speak when it's likely to do some good.47:00 If two people both think they're doing the right thing and they disagree with each other, how do we reconcile their different perceptions?Schedule a time to discuss disagreements; don't ambush people.“I'd like to understand your point of view.”54:00 How do parents confront school policies or actions by the school that the parents see as unethical.  Often a third party intervention can de-escalate conflict.

How do you tell the truth when there's so much pressure to do the opposite?How do we stop greasing the slippery slope to hell?What is “ethical fading” and what can we do about it?These and other compelling questions are addressed Courageous Leadership pioneer Brooke Deterline joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.thecourage2lead.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/brooke-deterline-428aa7/1:30  Our most real beliefs may not be true“The Heroic Imagination Project”It's easy for good people to do the wrong thing under pressureThe danger of situational influences“Now that we know, what will we do?”8:00 Brooke's own epiphany of moral vulnerabilityResponding through social fitness against our biologyProfessor Dumbledor's wisdom to combat groupthinkCourageous democracyGrief is a powerful connector14:00  Strengthening ethical decision-making through cognitive behavior trainingPhysical mindfulnessWrite down your negative automatic thoughts, i.e, fearsIdentify the behaviors emerge in stressful situations and what's the likely impactWhat we can do that's helpful to ourselves, e.g., give ourselves distanceWe can always circle back if we don't get it right in the momentForward-cast others in their best roles22:00 Even if it's not my fault, it might still be my responsibilityIn teams, we learn how to give those around us the support they want and needDon't be afraid to askSimulations need real anxiety to create muscle memoryWhat are the outcomes we want based on our values?33:00 Have we thought enough about our core values?We may not have learned to articulate themGod created difficult people for our benefitThe domino system of learning empathyInvite participants to take the role as leaders39:00  The 4 stages of psychological safetyBelonging safetyLearning safetyContribution safetyChallenger safetyTransform anxiety into excitementThree contrarians can create safety to challengeThe danger of ethical fading48:00 Why do we miss the gorilla in the room?Learn to see in 3-DDon't trust yourself until the day you dieWe need to keep each other honestThere's no such thing as an expertDissoluteindifferent to moral restraints; given to immoral or improper conduct; licentious; dissipated.DissolutiveDecomposition into fragments or parts; disintegration. Termination or extinction by disintegration or dispersion: Indulgence in sensual pleasures; debauchery. The dissolution of the empire was remarkably swift.Joseph's brothers and Reuben's irresolutionWhen we see ourselves as individuals, we lose conviction in carrying though on our valuesConnection with the right people is a source of moral strength

How do you make the leap from damage control to prevention?What question should leaders be asking themselves?What is the ROI of generosity?These and other transformational questions are addressed when generosity guru April Shprintz joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/aprilshprintz/https://drivenoutcomes.com/1:30 What are magic blue rocks?We don't always recognize how we can inspire othersMindset makes all the differenceThe power of authentic storytelling6:30 The belief that life can be differentWe can feel shame for circumstances beyond our controlWhen generosity becomes a reflex, it means nothing to us but everything to othersWe don't see what grows from the seeds we sowIn order to serve others, we have to see the bigger picture14:15 Things in life happen for you, not to youWorking on how you view the world is the best thing you can do for yourselfWhat's with the leopard print?Dressing your truthThe sages' lesson from the animal world21:00  The ROI of generosityPour into your people, your clients, and your communitySymbiosis survives and thrivesWhen leaders don't recognize their own resourcesWhat are The 5 Questions?27:00  Leaders need to ask themselves:  is your culture healthy?The consultant as a member of the pit crewHow do you define “leader”?Generosity should be a no-brainerPeople who guard their “secret sauce” may have little that's actually worth guardingWe're in business to make ourselves obsolete32:00 Is generosity a hard-sell?When people are ready, then it becomes easy to show them the solutionMake the leap from damage control to preventionYou don't have time?  You don't have time not to!Firemen are sexier than building inspectors36:00 The word of the day:  Effluencethe action or process of flowing out; efflux.something that flows out; emanation.Effluence is close to affluence -- when we pour into others, we serve ourselves as well

Does our proclivity to manipulation disprove free will?If human beings have free will, do animals?Is surrendering to a Higher Power an act of free will, or the abdication of free will?These are some of the questions we address in this episode of The Rabbi and the Shrink.Bullet points:Can the paradox of free will and predestination be resolved?Some biologists assert that we are merely products of our genetics and environments, which program us how to respond.We have to live an examined life in order to make ourselves aware of the forces at play on us.If our minds are lazy, why do some of  us like to think, study, and debate?If the body is lazy, why are so many people at the gym?The wisdom of Flip Wilson:  "The devil made me do it."No, he didn't.The word Satan means "adversary." We have a moral sparring partner that trains us to be stronger.Free will takes place on the battlefront.  Struggle is the evidence that free will exists.Mindfulness model: the daily struggle with temptation.Awareness and discernmentThe struggle to choose goodThe struggle to resist evilWe need trusted advisors to give us a reality check when we ask or impose and intervention when we don't.We have to be grateful for challenges and criticism to protect us from ethical fading.Three steps to right action according to The Path of the Just:In times of calm, evaluate objectively what is right and what is wrong.In times of decision, apply our conclusions to our decision-making process.After the fact, intuit whether our choice felt right.Meeting emotion with logic inevitably fails.What made the Framers different from politicians today?Our temperament, our family, and our friends largely influence our political outlooks.  How do we avoid being slaves to circumstance?You learn the most from those with whom you disagree.Constructive disagreement: conservatives and liberals need each other.The best professor I ever had.The wisdom of Sister Rita.Don't react, but respond -- which is the root of responsibility.What kind of person do you want to become?The word of the day: azimuthA bearing from where I am to where I want to getWe need to know and see our destination, or else we'll travel in circles.

How can we be happy if we don't have an accurate definition of what joy is or where it comes from?That's the question we address in this episode of The Rabbi and the Shrink.Here are the bullet points:Eight words in Hebrew translate as joy or happiness -- all have root meanings of growth or progress.Budding -- the joy of potential about to be brought into the worldBlossoming -- the joy of growth about  to reach fruitionSatisfaction -- absolute fulfillment, which succeeds joy, but is often followed by letdownIn the West, we conflate happiness and pleasure.  Pleasure is not a source of happiness, but distraction from unhappinessPleasure and pain are not opposites; they go hand in handJoy contains an element of the transcendentIs joy a function of purpose or of connection?  Or are these really the same?Find joy in correcting our mistakesHappiness is a choice we make that emerges from gratitudeIf I'm entitled, I have no gratitude and nothing to work towardAchievement without struggle can be deeply dissatisfyingHappiness comes from choosing the things that matter most and relinquishing the things that matter lessWe have to let go of pettiness if we want to attach ourselves to nobilityInvestment is not sacrifice; maturity is recognizing that we can't have everythingDon't be a monkey trapped by its own unwillingness to let goWhat's in your monkey trap?

How are fear and love two sides of the same coin?How do we describe something that is truly awesome?What are the foundations that allow love to flourish?These are some of the questions addressed when The Rabbi and the Shrink explore the interplay of love and fear.Here are the bullet points:What does it mean to invest love in the people and institutions that fill our lives.How are zeal and jealousy connected?Love comes from investment; it's not about what we get, but about what we give.The Four Loves:Philia -- familyEros -- romanticStorge -- empathyAgape - platonicMary Matalin and James Carville: how a conservative and a liberal can find loveWhy love is like a flameShalom means harmony, when all the pieces fit and work togetherBravery is not the lack of fear, it is facing fearAgreeing to disagree diminishes diversityEngaging respectfully despite profound differences makes us stronger individually and collectively

How do we escape from the prison of our mind?How do we acquire the mindset to transform failure into victory and success?What do we want our life and our legacy to be?These and other pressing questions are addressed when a Muslim ex-con, a Catholic shrink, and an Orthodox rabbi sit down together on The Rabbi and the Shrink.  Don't miss this episode with Lester Young!https://www.linkedin.com/in/lester-young-b1b6a0106/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7Y3oh7l_wqJSCPtitB9BFw1:30 How a life sentence became a life's missionWhat do we want our life and our legacy to be?One man, one book, made all the differenceWe are all masters of our own fateAuthentic leaders inspire us to challenge ourselves4:00 Free will: the past does not have to define usWe can't necessarily change our circumstances but we can change ourselvesDissociation started a process that ended with prayerA perpetrator can honor a victim by becoming a new personThe path to reconciliation and redemption14:00  How do we truly make amends?The most horrific failures can be transmuted into unimaginable victoriesWhen we can resolve our differences and errors we don't need the justice system to do it for us17:00 Witnessing a victim's pain evoked empathyVictims of pain and violence can become perpetratorsWe can always grow to recognize how to reinvent ourselves and take responsibility21:00 When you prepare yourself, providence provides the opportunityJournaling and gratitudeFive stages of incarceration:  denial, anger, victimization, asking forgiveness, self-forgivenessThe need for prison reform:  Recriminalization vs. Decriminalization25:00 Wisdom attracts adherentsChange yourself, change your environmentWe are all living in prisons of one kind or another29:00  We all need advocates and supportRehabilitation begins the day you walk into prisonAddressing the collateral damage victimsWhy aren't our correctional facilities corrective?35:30 Word of the day:  allyshipthe status or role of a person who advocates and actively works for the inclusion of a marginalized or politicized group in all areas of society, not as a member of that group but in solidarity with its struggle and point of view and under its leadership:Genuine allyship does not come with special recognition—we do not get awards for confronting issues people have to live with every day.the relationship or status of persons, groups, or nations associating and cooperating with one another for a common cause or purpose:Joseph went from prison to king of the world in a dayNelson MandelaNever lose hope -- break out of the mental prison walls and the opportunities that will appear

What is the difference between rational and irrational fear?How often does fear sabotage our success and set us up for failure?How can unfounded fear lead to unethical decision-making?These and other questions are tackled when The Rabbi and the Shrink tackle the topic of fear.Here are the highlights:FEAR: False Expectations Appearing RealWhy are we so afraid?How much of irrational fear is rooted in ego?Don't let fear stop you from doing what's right.Courage is facing fear, not the absence of fear.There's the fear of "no," but also the fear of "yes."  Which is more debilitating?We need a "board of advisors" we turn to when we are paralyzed by fear.Don't be afraid of failure, since failure is the best teacher.Reframe fear as excitement and eagerness.If you're not nervous, you're not ready.Churchill:  Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.NASA:  Failure to learn from failure is not an option.Teddy Roosevelt: Not the critic but the man in the arena.Silence your inner critic and surround yourself with people who will support you through your successes and your failures.Risk greatness!

Why is anger like idolatry?If anger doesn't translate into behavior, is it still a problem?Can there ever be benefits to outrage?These and other highly relevant questions are addressed when The Rabbi and the Shrink investigate the challenge of anger.Here are a few highlights:The world was not created to conform with our desires.We have a responsibility to the world; the world is not responsible to us.Shouldn't we respond to irresponsible behavior that puts others in danger with anger?If we can channel anger in a positive direction it can be a force for good.Anger often is an expression of our own ego.Are we justified in taking it personally when others show no interest in setting the ethical bar where we've set it for ourselves?Sister Rita's strategy: assuming responsibility for others.Arrogance is the death of compassion.Sometimes, being our authentic selves is not in anyone's best interest.Civility is the filter through which we allow our authentic selves engage the world.We're all wonderful; we're all awful. They're both true.The lesson of the donkey, the rooster, and the lantern.

Why do so many of us not achieve our own potential?What can we do to turn failure into success?How do we bridge the gap between perception and reality?These and more topics are addressed when  concierge, high performance, psychology coach Dr. Robyn Odegaard joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/https://drrobynodegaard.com/It's easy to be mediocre, because if you don't try, you can't fail.Don't repeat the mistake of Cain.Five step paradigm:1) What is your goal?2) What is your plan?3) What do I need to know or know how to do that I don't know now?4) What are your psychological barriers?5) What people, places, or habits are helping or hurting us?Changing our environment can help us change what needs to be change.Once you make the choice to change, change becomes easier and more likely.Talking about ourselves can be limiting.Giving advice is dangerous; giving good advice is deadly.Rebuke is validating when it's given with care and concern.Shame is imposed from the outside, but it's our choice whether we accept it.Ethics demands that we make ourselves competent.Have the courage to question your own expertise, competence, and objectivity."Perception is what you think; reality is what I think."Learn from the intellectual integrity of Abraham Lincoln.Listen to everyone, then make your own decisions.Don't compromise with the middle.Employees who are overworked, overwhelmed, and underutilized is a formula for disaster.The word of the day: Hegira [ hi-jahy-ruh]Flight or journey to a more agreeable locationRabbi Akiva's transition from illiterate shepherd to the leader of his generation via the coaching of his wife, Rachel.

How do you enter into a relationship for your own benefit without making it all about you?Why is ethics essential to successful networking?When does "How can we help each other?" become a form of manipulation and misrepresentation?These and other highly relevant topics are addressed when networking guru Greg Peters joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/thereluctantnetworker/How did reluctant networking grow into the next big idea?If people want to work with people they know, like, and trust, unethical behavior will sabotage your success.How can engaging in a conversation that doesn't interest you lead to successful relationship building?The complicated business of referral fees.If something is objectively ethical, can it still be a bad idea?We have nothing more valuable than our good name.A networking event is not a place to look for sales.Look for a common point of reference.  Ask open-ended questions not about work.Being a little vulnerable makes us more accessible so others will do the same.The power of "and you?" or "What a great question! What answers have you gotten?"Respond without I, Me, or My.If you pretend to have interest, you might spark some genuine interest.Is it ever too late to follow up?The Word of the Day:  Gulosity Excessive appetite, greedinessDon't indulge in "what's-in-it-for-me?"Look for ways to be of serviceZig Ziglar: You can have everything you want in life if you help enough other people have what they want in life.

How does the story we tell ourselves determine who we become?How do we determine which values are authentic and which are misdirected?How do we find the courage to reject fear-based decision-making?These and other fascinating topics are addressed when executive coach and anxiogenics expert Mary Kutheis joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/marykutheis/http://www.mckcoaching.com/What choice can I make or action can I take in this moment to create the greatest possible value?Can we change neuropathways to steer ourselves on a more successful course?Why do we choose to repeat the same mistakes over and over again?The sooner we recognize and correct unhealthy thinking patterns the more quickly we can reduce anxiety and discover solutions.Knowing our fears and our triggers empowers us to change our behavior.What appears to be failure is often success.If we can't lead ourselves, how can we successfully lead other people?Word of the Day: macadamizeTo pave by laying and compacting successive layers of broken stone, often with asphalt or hot tar. Broken pieces can be repurposed to build and progress; success emerges out of failure."What's the best mistake that happened today?"How snowplow parents do their children a disservice by denying them the benefit of learning from failure.The difference between flipflopping and principled change of outlook.Ponder fearlessly and don't be afraid of silence.

How do you create a context that promotes everyone's success?How do you communicate information for maximum impact?What are your unconscious operating systems and are they serving you?How do you find and foster successful partnerships?What should your target be to increase your chances for success?Join us as we discuss these and other fascinating questions with Bob Burg, NYT bestselling author and Hall of Fame speaker on The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://burg.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobburg/https://twitter.com/BobBurghttps://thegogiver.com/1:00 How the rabbi met BobExtraordinary accomplishments while keeping the common touch3:30  What is a go-giverFocus on others is the best formula for businessInternally motivated but outwardly focusedEthics: being selfless is selfishBusiness is about how we make others feelBenevolent context for everyone's success8:00 Collaboration is people with different skill sets complementing each otherStories carry the message so they become implanted in usParables and allegories14:00 Being a giver is not being a doormatHow Bob got his start18:00 Knute Rockne -- invest in people19:30 How do we get people to connect with our message?Unconscious operating systems make us think others think like usValue is in the eye of the beholderSuccess begins by asking questions, then listening with every part of your body24:00 Dialogues of the deafParaphrasing establishes understanding and trust25:30  Compromise is not the answerFirst look for the win-win27:00 Go-Giver success alliance29:00 Finding and fostering successful partnerships35:00 Word of the day: meliorism -- the belief that the world can be made better through effortDon't make making money your target; aim to serve others, and success will follow.

Do you suffer from infobesity?How do you make billions in 60 seconds?How do you avoid becoming a bore, a snore, and a chore?These and other urgent topics are addressed when Tongue-fu black belt Sam Horn joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.https://samhorn.com/https://www.tonguefu.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/samhorn/1:30  We want to do things worth doingWe succeed through communityAccess to the successful is a shortcut to success4:30  Ink it when you think itIf we don't write down ideas when they enter our minds, we will lose themMake your life your labYou will make a difference in others' lives7:00 Ethics requires us to market the truth to benefit othersBe intriguing to get people on the hookInfobesitiy vs. intrigue: a practical techniqueAlliteration makes ideas memorableRhyme and rhythmCrafting a message changes lives14:00 tonality and musicalityRead out loud to self editShift from undesirable to desirableHow can the study of ethics make us less ethical?The qualities of E.T.H.I.C.S.20:00 Our expertise is perceived by the clarity of our thoughtsHow to not be a bore, snore, or choreHow to make billions in sixty secondsThe goal is to raise eyebrows Ask three “did you know” questions“Imagine this…”You don't have to imagine30:00 Words matter; every one of themDon't yell at a barking dogWhat words can we use to get the desired behavior?Ask for what we wantReal life examples have power35:00 Why was the woman crying on the beach?Arrogance vs. offeringsWe have a responsibility to share the wisdom of our experience39:00 How Tom got to Mission ControlRecognizing our abilities and accomplishments does not make us un-humbleWhat's the greatest gift you can give someone else?45:00 The word of the day: inconcinnitylack of proportion and congruity; inelegance.The way we phrase and frame our message determines how it is receivedShowing order emerging from chaos is the way we broaden thinking46:30 Too many people believe that happiness is selfishFinding our gifts is the purpose of life; giving away our gifts is the meaning of lifeDon't wait until there's no time left to do what you want to do

What makes a successful relationship?Is marriage really the happily ever after part or do they still require work?What is reasonable to expect versus what do you need to accept? Find the answers to these questions and more as we talk to Claire Vande Polder, the author of Making Marriage Happy:  Hard-Won Wisdom from Real CouplesGrab your copy here:Making Marriage Happy:  Hard-Won Wisdom from Real CouplesConnect with Claire onLinkedinInstagram2:45What I came up with is a book that is basically, what happy couples do as told in their own words.  It's the only book, I know of where all the expert advice comes from people who are only experts in their own relationship and what they do that makes them happy.7:00 When I was a younger person I looked at people who had been married for a while and I thought, okay they're just they're like on autopilot right?29:00it took a lot of time before they understood that's not who my husband is, this thing that I really wish my wife was doing? That's really not who she is so, can I just lay off of that and let her be more who she is, and then take more of a look at what am I doing? How could I change myself?  Could I change the way that I think about something because I have more control over that and just learn to love?

Do you often wonder why people aren't listening to you?Can philosophy provide practical solutions to modern problems?Why are we challenged to bring together abstract concepts with down-to-earth issues?These and other persistent questions are answered when practical philosopher and moral alchemist Cristina DiGiacomo joins the Rabbi and the Shrinkhttp://www.moralchemy.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/cristinadigiacomo/1:00  How can philosophy provide practical solutions to modern problems?Why are we challenged to bring together abstract concepts with down-to-earth issues?We are philosophers if we pursue authentic wisdoms7:30 The handshake and the golden rule are examples of accessible philosophyPhilosophy is the love of wisdom and the way we look at lifeAsking questions makes us philosophersPhilosophy is a matter of outlook and perspectiveOur attitudes shape our perceptions12:00  What are the benefits of asking questions?You stop multitaskingTriggers serotoninQuestions lead to intentions which lead to outcomesIf we aren't open to new insights, we can't be ethical17:00  When we know that we don't know, we open ourselves up to possibilitiesToo many people don't recognize the relevance of ethics in their lives19:30  When we face problems, ask where did we go wrong?It's easier to blame individuals that to question the systemThe benefit of 12-step recovery programsMistakes help us become stronger and do better24:30  Why aren't people listening to me?Are we connecting perception with reality?What do the classical philosophers say to address our problems?28:00  Asking questions preempts conflict and promotes self-reflectionOpenness drives progressThe danger and opportunity of “yeah, but.”32:00  The word of the day:  epistemologyHow we know what we knowIf arrive at the correct facts through faulty reasoning we may be setting ourselves up for future errorsWe may need data now, but reason prepares us for the future36:00 “The sage acts without pressure from within or without.”The Hebrew word aliza can mean to relieve pressure or to apply pressureDifferent situations call for different strategies to move us forwardWhat is one question you can ask yourself about your philosophy?When we live from fear rather than from curiosity, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

How does sustainability apply to us as individuals as well as the world?How do we find it in ourselves to forgive ourselves and forgive others?How do quirks and idiosyncrasies forge us into more compete and healthy people?These and many other secrets for self-development are answered when the Ikigai Guy David E. Marlow joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidemarlow/https://www.linkedin.com/company/vluru/1:00 What is Ikigai = Japanese for life + purposeLiving out the essence of you in everything you do3:30 What is a leader?  Someone who enables and empower others to fulfill their potential in a way that betters the worldHappiness emerges from a sense of working toward the fulfillment of purpose5:00  How do you find your ikigaiReflect on moments when you felt fulfilledVisit your values, verbs, and verses7:00 The five pillars include:Choose to be grateful; we control our attitudesMaking a conscious choice to live in the momentForgive the past and yourself10:00 Monotask: start somewhere small and work outwardMultitasking doesn't workEmbrace the gift of small beginningsBeing busy as an excuse for not being productive18:00 How do we forgive people who cause us pain and don't ask for forgiveness?First forgive yourselfForgive without recovering trustThe harm we do ourselves by not forgiving23:00 Without human integrity we disintegrateHarmony and sustainability in how we live completes us so we can live healthy livesBy integrating our values into our mindset and behavior we become people of integrity26:00 What are the five pillars?Being present in the momentStarting smallJoy of little things (gratitude)Harmony and sustainabilityReleasing yourself through forgiveness and reflectionWe strive to uncover our essence30:00 Shalom = harmony = all the pieces are in place and fuse into integrationThe seven levels of spiritual maturity and completionThe conductor is the most important player in the orchestra34:00  Blend your idiosyncrasies with your talents to become your best unique selfYou don't have to change yourself; you have to uncover who you truly are38:00 Word of the Day: diapasonOriginally, the organ stop that releases steam to produce soundNow a burst of force that produces music Our ideal is to release our inner music40:00 When we seek treasure, what will we do if we find it?43:00 Post-interview conversation

Why is talking about teddy bears and goldfish the best approach for solving intractable problems?How can we avoid the pitfalls of an overscheduled life with more scheduling?What are the five things worth having and how can we be happy if we can't have all of them?These and other intriguing topics are addressed when Jason Feifer, Editor-in-Chief of Entrepreneur Magazine and host of Build for Tomorrow  joins The Rabbi and the Shrink to discuss the worldview presented in his new book, Build for Tomorrow.https://www.jasonfeifer.com/https://www.jasonfeifer.com/book/https://www.jasonfeifer.com/build-for-tomorrow/Here are the high points from our conversation.Little known facts can be profoundly relevant to us.We want to simply problems, which inhibits our ability to find solutions.The world is full of people who have devoted themselves to studying topics that never would have seemed worth our time and attention.Five things worth having:  Family, friends, work, sleep, fitness.You can't have them all everyday, but you can have three in one day.  That's balance.Schedule time away from your schedule.  Create systems to resist our system programming.Time is like a balloon.  You don't try to find time; you commit yourself to your priorities and the time appears.We have to challenge our preconceptions, and self-discipline is the means for making the choices we know we should be making.  Without it, we develop learned helplessness.We have agency over our habits and choices.How to use our time and experience to maximum efficiency.Stacking:  grouping similar activities to reduce prep and transition time.Vertical thinking:  Each activity is a foundation for the next step.Don't always start with the end in mind: experimentation leads to unexpected outcomes.Avoid topics that make people run to their corners.  Playful topics lower defenses and can lead to substantive discussion and constructive debate.Consider the impossible and it becomes possible.

How does fitness contain the prescription for going from depression to existentialism?When can a lack of confidence become our greatest asset?These and other questions about out physical and mental wellbeing are addressed when Adam Martin, the Fit Pharmacist joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/fitpharmfam/https://www.thefitpharmacist.com/Here are some of the highlights from our conversation:Physical health leads to psychological strength.Sartre's one truth: existence precedes essence.You must act your way into a new level of thinking, not vice versa.Life is about making good choices, which is how ethics becomes a catalyst for positive change.Become a hope dealer.Apparently successful people may be only surviving and not thriving.Imposters don't suffer from imposter syndrome.Without fear there's no courage.  The antidote of fear is action.  Time is a fertilizer.What you tolerate will continue.  Awareness is always the first step.If everyone else is suffering, that doesn't mean it's okay for me to suffer too.Are we following the wrong metric for success?What is your tickle factor?A smile is an outer reflection of an inner truth.When you change the standards for yourself you give permission to others to follow your lead.Laughter and joy project confidence and authenticity, which promote trust.The word of the day:  Phreatophyte [ free-at-uh-fahyt ]A plant having very long roots that reach down to the water table or the layer above itOur actions form the roots of our values, and our thoughts are the branches that soar heavenward.

Does your dog really love you?Why do liberals and conservatives need each other?If we're physiologically programmed to make the choices we make, what's the point of trying to better ourselves?These are some of the topics that arise when the Rabbi and the Shrink discuss the ethics of free will.Why do we exert ourselves at the gym?  Because we recognize that we can make our bodies stronger.  Why shouldn't we be able to the same thing with our minds?Is "I had no choice" just a cop-out?Obviously genetics and environment influence our actions.  But do the exempt us from responsibility?Temptation is an opportunity to summon our better angels.Life is like a battlefield.  Habits are conquered territory.  Aspirations are territory I hope to conquer.  Free will takes place on the battlefront.Struggle is the evidence that free will is in play.There are three times when free will are in play:1) When we are aware of our choices.2) When we are tempted to do good.3) When we are tempted to do bad.Reaching out to the "life line" of a trusted friend or advisor for help or counsel can give us strength to resist or avoid wrong choices.Three steps to ethical choices:1) Objectively evaluate ethical principles.2) Logically evaluate choices in the moment.3) Intuitively evaluate choices after the fact.Feelings are part of the process but often unreliable because of our natural and unconscious biases.The worst thing you can do when a person is emotional is respond with logic.Human beings are psychological, not logical creatures.Awareness of our predispositions then making the effort to understand is how we restore rational equilibrium.Listen to people you disagree with and you will learn more about yourself.Constructive disagreement: conservatives and liberals need each other so they don't mutate into extremist ideologies.What makes an effective teacher?Ask yourself: What kind of persona do you want to become?Response vs. reaction.  Response is the root of responsibility.The word of the day: azimuthAn arc on the horizon; a bearing from where I am to where I want to get.If we don't have a clear focus on our destination, we'll go around in endless circles.Struggle is the proof of free will and the method of strengthening our free will.

Why can't we resolve our differences using facts?What is the difference between misinformation and disinformation?Why aren't good intentions good enough to promote positive change?These and many other compelling topics are addressed when critical thinking guru David Hundsness joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://hundsness.com/https://foolacy.com/https://www.tiktok.com/@pet.earthlinghttp://jupitered.com/about.phpInspired to create the Critical Thinking Project.Critical thinking isn't taught in our schools.When we teach to the test, what happens when there's no test?When learning is entertaining, we can draw students in.Ask unexpected questions to elicit thinking.If I'm confident in my point of view, I don't have to resort to deception.The danger of rationalization: no one more dangerous than a true believer.Critical thinking is a tool that can be used or misused.The danger of relying on intuition.There's no shortcut to the truth or to sound decision-making.  We have to develop our thinking skills.People are seeking a calm voice of reason.Don't think like a lawyer; think like a judge.The Word of the Day:  InscrutableThat which cannot be known; unfathomable or unknowableWe justify willful ignorance by convincing ourselves alternative viewpoints cannot be understoodYou have to want self-improvement.Rather than ridicule, make it safe for others to change their minds.

Does thought influence language of does language influence thought?Is it worth the risk to offer constructive criticism?Can you set high standards and remain respectful when others fall short?Discover the answer to these and other highly relevant questions as Grammar Goddess Susan Rooks joins The Rabbi and the Shrinkhttps://grammargoddess.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanrooks-the-grammar-goddess/https://twitter.com/Grammar_Goddess2:00  The importance of preserving the integrity of languageWe are what we say and what we thinkLanguage is only as perfect as how we use itObjective vs. subjective perception8:00 Words are free, but it's how you use them that costsWe get defensive when we don't like what we hear“You can do [even] better”11:00  It's risky to offer correction or disagreeStart with a smileYou can have high standards and still be pleasantSmile at strangers16:30  What's the effect of grammar mistakes?The power of positive speakingTechnology can bring us closer togetherAccept people for where they are coming fromLook for the nobility in others25:00  We've become more abruptWe have a responsibility to choose our words carefully30:00 Be curiousWhen you hear an accent, adjust expectations“You'll see the robot in the street”33:00 Onomatopoeia -- a word that sounds like what it isIn Hebrew the same word means “word” and “thing”Respecting the meaning of words is respecting reality36:00 How do we further meaningful discussions that increase understandingListen to learn, not to respondEverybody knows something you don'tThe sages teach:   Who is wise? One who learns from every person39:00 How do you keep words freshStrike a balance between tradition and progressionWhy can't our language be poetic and elegant while preserving the integrity of words?43:30  Should some of us impose usage on others?Orwell's vision of thought control through speech controlChoose to speak respectfullyAll content © 2022 The Rabbi and The Shrink.

How can we solve problems of communication when we aren't even aware of them?How do we turn authenticity from a cliché into a mindset?Is it hypocritical or authentic to present myself as the person I want to become?These and other contemporary questions are addressed when award-winning communication guru Lucille Ossai joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucilleossaicommunicationspro/https://www.lucilleossai.com/Put yourself in the shoes of your audience to create connection with them.What's the difference between simple and easy?Body language cues us to be more aware of our own verbal communication.Don't be afraid to ask for clarification.What are Dialogues of the Deaf?How body language triggers confidence in yourself and a positive impact on others.Authenticity misapplied can become incivility.It's authentic to be aspirational.Have the end in mind when you know where you're going.  The courage of curiosity leads us on a journey of discovery that can lead to wonderful destinations we never imagined.What are the impediments to effective communication?Great leaders need to be great communicators.Gratitude and appreciation forms the bonds of mutual respect and trust that facilitate communication.We have to be aware of the message we might be projecting even if we have no intention of doing so.The word of the day:  euphonyagreeableness of sound; pleasing effect to the ear, especially a pleasant sounding or harmonious combination or succession of wordsOur style of speech established credibility, trust, and connection so the message will be received.Give yourself permission to be yourself.

How does our focus on big wins set us up for failure?How can you be confident without sounding arrogant?Why is it self-destructive to identify ourselves and other by performance?These and other confidence-boosting topics are addressed when peak performance coach Jeff Koziatek returns to The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.coreauthenticity.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffkoziatek/Focusing on little wins sets us on the path for huge success.Every time temptation comes, either we push back and get stronger or give in and stay as we are.  Over time, we develop the habit of pushing back or giving in.Confidence without competence is not a recipe for success.Ethical leadership acknowledges mistakes, takes responsibility, and looks for lessons and solutions.Is there ever a time to reward failure?Failure is the time when loyalty really reveals itself.When the team manager ignores the demands of 40,000 fans.Churchill:  Success is going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.Focusing on short-term wins often sabotages long term goals.The word of the day:  Simulacrum [ sim-yuh-ley-kruhm ]Superficial representation or likenessLeaders whose top priority is the appearance of competence or power are not genuine leadersOvervaluing performance can make us go out of our way to prove something that was never true to begin with.Keep asking until you understand.  No one knows everything all the time.

Should we be more afraid of pit bulls or chihuahuas?How do the rules of the war room apply to the rules of the boardroom?What are the six phases of crisis response?These and other compelling questions are addressed when retired Naval Commander Mary Kelly joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmarykelly/https://productiveleaders.com/How can we transform our daily professional lives in five minutes a day?Every morning ask yourself:  “What does my leadership need to look like today?”Leadership skills prepare us to default to the right decision amidst chaos and confusion.Proximity to greatness makes us great.What are the ethics of self-sacrifice vs. scapegoating?Use the Socratic method to correct bad behavior.Influencing through facts vs. emotions.Civility allows us to disagree while remaining friends.Leaders have to create commonality and channel emotions in a healthy way.Establish your reputation as a person of honor and integrity.Value individuals for who they are, not for assumptions we make based on their identity labels.The job of a team is to support decisions once they're made even if we don't like them.Choosing character over ideology is key to success.Earn trust and loyalty by admitting mistakes and take responsibility for them.How do we balance hierarchical structure against individual initiative?Word of the Day:  Martineta strict disciplinarian, especially a military one.someone who stubbornly adheres to methods or rulesSuccessful leaders demand high standards and respect while showing respect and earning trust.Kīnāʻole:  Do the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, in the right place, to the right person, for the right reason, and with the right feeling, the first time! In other words, “Just do the next right thing!”

How do we do a better job handling it when we get flustered and defensive?How do we give and receive criticism in a way the builds trust and encourages improvement?What is the alternative to flight or fight that promotes cooperation and collaboration?These and other critical question for success in business and in life are answered when customer service maven Marilyn Suttle joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/marilynsuttle/https://marilynsuttle.com/0:50 Wellbeing and security are critical to a healthy work environment for workers and customersEthics creates a culture of trust, solid relationships, and loyaltyRaising trust increases expectations, which is a good thingDevelop the skill set to deal with difficult and unexpected situationsDifferent values and styles need to be accommodated6:00 Learned behavior is not easily unlearnedHow do we handle it better when we get flustered and defensive?We're 100% responsible for 50% of every relationshipWe make assumptions about the facts, which may or may not be trueWe make up stories that create feelings by exploiting our unmet expectationsWhat outcome do we really want?Clear communication often defuses conflict before it happens.13:00 When we get into fight or flight, our biology hijacks our thinking and decision makingThe other option is a challenge response, which can focus and motivate usBeing honest make us vulnerable, which is frightening but creates the potential for closeness17:30 It's all in the palm of your hand:First impressions -- eliminate the potential for annoyanceLast impressionManage high emotion momentsMarry yourself to your team and your customersMeasure and gauge -- feedback21:15 Value their time and ask only for meaningful feedback and use itHow do you respond to criticismRedirect attention toward the good to promote reframingTake responsibility and show appreciation27:00 Empower employees to address customer issuesHave someone to call to help you regain clarity31:00 Different perspectives generate an ethical view32:00 The word of the day:  pithyWe don't want to reduce all ideas to soundbites, but we do want to be concise so our ideas have impact34:00 Happiness is a profound concept that come from being part of something important36:00 Tailor your customer care according to the needs of each customer37:00 Blaming, complaining, and making excuses are responses that will not lead to improvementThe difference between responding and reactingGet comfortable with silence or pausingCounting to 10 reboots your brainResist the pressure to fill empty space without thinking firstThe benefit of one, two, and three second pausesThe pauses are the most essential part of the classIt takes stress to allev

Is it possible that we share responsibility for how others treat us?What signals are we sending out that promote or allow them to treat us badly?Can individuals with foundationally different values connect civilly and cordially?These and other profoundly relevant questions are addressed when speaker and podcast host Scott Mason joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/smason1/https://www.purposehighway.com/1:00 People are responding to alienation by seeking meaning and purposeProgress and purpose -- the source of happinessYou cannot pursue happiness3:00 Make connections to build communitiesLove emerges through giving and committing ourselves to a common purposeA flame gives without giving anything up We should influence one another in a way that we improve one another8:00 It's a moral imperative to contribute light to the worldA lack of clarity or belief holds us backRecognize your gifts so you can give10:30 A leap into the unknown changed everythingA ride in the dark and the rain produced a service mindsetA new perspective brings new opportunitiesDo we listen when we hear “the voice”?The profound power of humility and opening ourselves to new possibilities16:30 Be Theseus -- meet the challenges that will make you a heroGet out of the comfort boxBuild a circle of laughter and joyWhy is a safe place a place of terror?21:00 Fight fear with fearThe power of shameRecover balance to make the right decision by looking down all roads23:00 Viewing the world as hostile makes us hostileEmbrace the challenges that are beyond our control and respond with what we can do with themRadical accountability turns us into positive extremistsWhat signals are we sending out that promotes or allows them to treat us badly?Is it possible that we share responsibility for how others treat us?32:00 Irreconcilable differences?Can individuals with foundationally different values connect civilly and cordially?Absolute truth is truth, regardless of whether we like it or understand itLiving in a world where we don't all agree on truth, we have to recognize the sincerity and good intentions of those with whom we disagree37:00 Belief in our own soul is transformativeThe nature of the universe transcends our ability to comprehendRespect facts, logic, and reasonSeek commonality of belief and humanity before focusing on differencesDon't be afraid of uncomfortable conversationsIf you personalize every belief, you will find it impossible to coexist with others who have different beliefsWe need to disagree honestly in order to grow and be willing to revisit our beliefs45:00 Befriending “adversaries” may bring us condemnation from our “allies”Every human being is deserving of basic respectMost of us are doing good things despite our shortcomings or errorsPrincipled compromise is not compromising our values49:00  We have to be able to connect and to leadLeadership is impossible without self confidence in who we are and what we believe55:00 Word of the day: gorgonizeWhen we look for the ugliness in others, we petrify our own hearts

What's the single most effective way to avoid ethical pitfalls?Why are so many people afraid to talk about ethics?Has the world gotten less ethical?These and other critical questions for success are answered when ethics auditor Amanda "Jo" Erven joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-jo-erven-ace/http://www.auditconsultingeducation.com/http://www.totalqualityauditing.com/http://www.cpebookclub.com/#27 Amanda “Jo” Erven1:30 Changing one person's mind contributes to a better worldIt's hard to sell ethics because people don't have a definition and are scared by the wordHave an ethics icebreaker Ethics may not be simple, but don't  have to be complicated6:00 Three ethical character typesThe Big MeThe Ethical RationalizerThe Everyday EthicistPeople who call themselves ethicists tend to be less ethical10:00 Unethical behavior encourages others to behave unethicallyCreate your own ethical value statement or mantraWe can't change our circumstances except by changing ourselves14:30  Be ethically pro-active which is pro-selfToo many people don't know their own values16:00 Where do we start to put ethics into action?We don't have to be expertsSometimes we're scared to do what's right18:00 Individual, leadership, and organizational ethicsThe seven deadly ethical sins“Move fast and break things” mentalityDisingenuous leaders -- always speak the truth, even if your voice shakes20:30 Have things really gotten worse?We are definitely more self-absorbed todayWe don't feel shame, but we rush to shame othersThe contradiction of AirBNB24:15 Beware of conflicts of your own interestEthics is threatened by fear and entitlementThe ethics of COVIDDan Ariely's research: thinking of the 10 commandments makes us more honest28:30 Find your trusted advisorFacing and embrace your adversityTeaching surly students in Budapest, HungaryWhen we have to defend our behavior, we think more about our choices33:00 Doing the right thing feels really goodEthical discipline protects others and ourselves38:00 The word of the day:  miscreate -- to produce in a way that is defectiveGood intentions without disciplined execution can have disastrous results40:00 Everyone deserves a better-than-good life

Why are we reluctant to "walk across the cafeteria" to start a conversation?What is the soundtrack to your life?Why don't books and history tell the whole story, and where should we turn to get it?These and other critical questions for building a harmonious world are addressed when award-winning musician and race reconciliator Daryl Davis joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.daryldavis.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/daryl-davis-5226b24/1:00 Music is a bridgeThe benefit of a global perspectiveLegal desegregation took years to take effectAttacked for being a Cub Scout?Learning about racism at age 10How can you hate me if you don't know me?7:30 Responding to injustice and hate with genuine curiosityBreadth of experience provides perspective to moderate our responses10:00 Books and histories did not explain hateMeeting the head of the American Nazi Party as a high school studentThe coming race war?“Joining” the Nazi rally before the White HouseThe “rationalism” of white supremacy18:00 What happens when whites become the minority in the U.S.?What does the fear of that do to people?Charleston, PIttsburgh, El Paso22:30 A chance encounter with the KKKHere was the answer to the question28:00 We have to know who we areExposure to different cultures and ideologies make us broaderThe five values all humans want:Love, respect, to be heard, to be treated fairly, we want those values for our familiesA missed opportunity for dialogue is a missed opportunity for conflict resolution33:00  Meeting the Imperial Wizard of the KKKThe “noise”We all feel fear of the unknown, we are all relieved when that fear is removedWe hate what we don't understand because it frightens usAwareness of our collective ignorance can bring us togetherEducation cures ignorance, which cures fear, which cures violence48:00 What can we all do to transcend and eliminate hate?Spend time listening to people to learn who they areDebate doesn't bring people together; getting to know one another as human beings does53:45 Music contains the keyHarmony allows our differences to become a source of strength and unity57:00 The word of the day:  liminalof, relating to, or situated at a sensory threshold : barely perceptible or capable of eliciting a responseWhat if life had background music?Any moment can offer the opportunity to change our lives and our world

Does the glass ceiling promote pink collar crime?What conditions encourage our "evil twin" to come out from the shadows?How  do we balance trust against vigilance without toxifying the workplace?These and other contemporary challenges are addressed when Pink Collar Crime expert Kelly Paxton joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

How does the “Great Resignation” point the way to creating a workplace renaissance?Why is unlearning a greater challenge than learning, and how does it take leadership to a new level?Why is genuine curiosity an essential component to an ethical culture?These and other enlightening topics are addressed when renaissance leadership guru Jean Marie DiGiovanna joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeandigiovanna/

How does contentment with the status quo prevent us from getting what we really want?What does curling teach us about business and about life?How do we steer away from chaos and crisis by preparing in times of calm?These and other critical questions are addressed when Drop-in CEO Deb Coviello joins The Rabbi and the Shrink?https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborahacoviello/

What causes stress and what will relieve it?If work-life balance isn't the cause of our stress, what is?Can you reorder your stress environmentThese and other urgent questions for our personal well-being when anti-stress guru Eliz Greene joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizgreene/https://elizgreene.com/1:00 Lessons from cardiac arrest while carrying twinsA bubble of contentment protects us from tragedy and traumaWhere we want to be vs. where we need to beIt's harder to watch someone you love going through uncertaintyDenying our pain can be fatalSubtle pain can be just as deadly as intense pain9:00 Gauging early warning signs against the fear of hypochondriaJob stress can have consequences at homeWhat causes stress and what will relieve it?Overwhelm and uncertaintyNOT work-life balance95% of our efforts are trying to solve the wrong problem15:00 Stress is good in crisis, but dangerous when chronicWe're stressed about being stressedFirst responders are most at risk for stressPay attention to what you're experiencing20:00 What we can do to release stressChanging focus relieves our cortisol levelThe power celebrating little victoriesThe time and place for stoicismProblem-solvers are vulnerable to difficult-to-solve problemsWonderful is not always relaxingUnreasonable expectations are the source of anxiety27:00  We don't live in joy all the timeJoy vs. contentmentHow to keep stress outside my bubbleThe sticky note solutionCan you reorder your stress environmentEthics requires us to balance our responsibilities to others and to ourselvesWe can't mortgage ours health for the benefit of the team32:00  We don't do what we should because we know we shouldVisualize what-ifs and what-if-nots“I will because…”Meet the goal, know why it's important, do it your own wayRebuke = validation, if it's done the right way for the right reasonsThe power of reward systems47:00 The Word of the Day:  Averted visionWe perceive brightness and color through the cones that are concentrated in the fovea, the central part of the eye.  Fainter objects are more easily detected by the rods, which occupy the outer regions of the eye and perceive dim, monochromatic light.First alluded to by Aristotle, the phenomenon called averted vision allows us to process information by looking away from an object of interest, just as a filter makes it possible to study the nuances of the sun's surface by eliminating the intense light that makes direct observation impossible.  Since the cones that make up the fovea register brighter light, we have to rely on the peripheral rods to capture subtleties of shading.  But that only works when we look away.We can overlook what's right in front of us no matter how important it isConsequences live at the periphery of our visionLooking away can help us see more clearly

What does it say when we fail those who have given us so much?How does the structure of our society complicate our problems?Why does the stigma of mental health endure?These and other critical questions are addressed when military mental health advocate William Negley joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/wwnegley/https://sound-off.com/1:00 How do we ensure mental health care for those who protect our country?Sound offFighting stigmaWhy chaplain care is not always enoughFilling in the gapsMeeting people where they are6:00 Why mental health stigma persists?Bureaucracy, trust, complexity, desire for anonymityFear of blowback10:00 The tragedy of crisis going unnoticedWhat is the national security cost?Meeting the need for anonymous careContext creates awareness23:00 What is the cause for explosion of PTSDDoes returning to a fractured society magnify the effects of trauma?Lack of shared experience and resulting isolation27:00 The ethics of responsibilityThe ethics of awareness and guidanceHow can we help?Repaying our debtWhen service itself places us among the vulnerableThe ethics of self-care36:00 The word of the day: Pentimentothe presence or emergence of earlier images, forms, or strokes that have been changed and painted overMona Lisa is painted over multiple imagesOur unseen layers shape and form who and what we becomeBy probing the underlayers with the intent to heal the whole person

Why do employees sometimes pretend to be someone they're not?When is bending norms the key to a healthy culture?How do we avoid inadvertently projecting disrespect?These and other highly relevant questions are addressed when neurodiversity expert Susan Fitzell joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanfitzell/https://susanfitzell.com/1:30 The origins of neurodiversityAutism initiatives at StanfordExecutives and administrators were unprepared for working with the neurodiverse and neurodivergentAsking questions and listening to answers opens doors and possibilities5:30 Brains are wired differently from birthWe don't always understand each otherAwareness and initiatives creates a vibrancy and multiplicity of perspective that sameness does notDyslexics as codebreakers10:00 We hire for diversity but train for samenessEfficiency often filters out talent and encourages a monolithic cultureWe make mistaken judgments because we don't respect differencesYou will lose people because of harassment or mis-measuring16:30 We may unconsciously project messages we don't intendCreate a user's manual or bio-deck for each employeeMorning check-insHow accepting is our company cultureAre we providing options?“Masking” increases stressHow kung-fu changed Susan's life26:00 The importance of asking for helpWhat do you do when you empty the transmission fluid instead of the oil?Managers need to ask for help and ask the right person for helpWe live in a world framed by a deficit mindset rather than a gift mindset36:00 How do we promote diversity?Address the issue to create the cultureFlexibility leads to success according to every metricConcrete strategies -- Slack, chat, phone, email, etc.Dress code flexibilityBrainstorm solutionsThe perception of unfairness or arbitrariness promotes an unethical culture48:00 The word of the day: Palimpsesta parchment or the like from which writing has been partially or completely erased to make room for another text.something that has a new layer, aspect, or appearance that builds on its past and allows us to see or perceive parts of this pastThe Mona Lisa and many layersOgres are like onionsThe importance of taking advantage of youth and remaining child-like in our learning

What are the triggers, patterns, and conditions that set us up for failure?Why are we voyeurs of depravity rather than students of dignity?Why are good-hearted leaders not more successful?These and other critical questions are addressed when transformation guru Ron Carucci joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/roncarucci/https://www.navalent.com/1:45 The origins of truth, justice, and purposeWhy are good-hearted leaders not more successful?Truth-telling makes all the differenceTell the hero storiesWhere does knowledge take us?  That is the road to wisdom8:30 Why are we voyeurs of depravity rather than students of dignity?Stories of heroes inspire heroism in us11:00 Four preconditions for successBe true to who you are -- unfulfilled values are destructiveJustice and accountability -- measuring intangible contributions with integrityGovernance -- make decisions honestly and transparentlyCross-functional relationships -- seamless cohesion and conflict resolutionIf you're good at all four, you're 16 more likely to have a healthy and vibrant work cultureHonesty is not a trait, it's a muscle20:00 It's so obvious, why don't people get it?Leaders believe these things will take care of themselves; THEY WON'T!Good intentions are a good start, but design is what makes them happenThe Jewish triad of truth, justice, and kindnessOur brains are hardwired for these values, if we don't short-circuit them28:30 What's one big first step?Start with you: be honest about your dishonestyKeep a journal of where your behavior needs improvementWhat are the triggers, patterns, and conditions that set me up for failure?32:00 The word of the day:  Casuistry (/ˈkæzjuɪstri/ KAZ-ew-iss-tree) a process of reasoning that seeks to resolve moral problems by extracting or extending theoretical rules from a particular case, and reapplying those rules to new instances. This method occurs in applied ethics and jurisprudence. Commonly used as a pejorative to criticize the use of clever but unsound reasoning, especially in relation to moral questions (as in sophistry)Fact-driven decisions, not decision-driven facts

What happens when the people responsible aren't responsible?When is learning on the job dereliction of duty?Do I really want to work for a company with a bad reputation?These and other penetrating questions are addressed when auditing aficionado Julie Thompson joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://auditingalliance.org/https://www.linkedin.com/in/thejuliethompson/3:00 Why is auditing the last line of defense?Anticipate problems and prepare for when they inevitably happenTrust but verify --  no gotchaLike ethics, auditing calls for constant improvementDo you want to work for or with a company with a poor reputation?The power of objective opinion8:45 What makes a good (or ethical) auditor?Am I qualified for the job being offered?Pressure to overlook problem situations as “outliers”Downplaying as “low-risk”Neglect in one area implies neglect in anotherVan Halen and the red M&Ms15:30 Covid masks on airlines or in places of businessLasting effects and oversightInternal vs. 3rd party follow up23:00 What happens when people who are responsible aren't responsible?Inexperience = insecurityFear of asking questions or inefficiencyThe enemies of ethicsRationalization, fear, and deflectionThe whistleblower's dilemmaDavid and Goliath32:00 The word of the day:  contumaciousstubbornly perverse or rebellious; willfully and obstinately disobedient.Mark Twain's three kinds of liesWe have to have a sincere desire to do what's rightJudaism's internal self-audit

What is your reason for getting up each morning?Why are distraction and FOMO so dangerous to our well-being?How is the media consciously sabotaging our efforts for success?These and other highly relevant questions are addressed when David E. Marlow, the Ikigai Guy, joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidemarlow/2:00 What is Ikigai?Your reason for getting up in the morningLiving in the moment of doing what you are uniquely created to doDoors open naturally when we are aligned with our true purpose4:00 Is this different from living according to God's will?Living your essence in the best way you canDisintegration is the opposite of integrityFinding our balancing point between focus on our higher purpose and focus on our community9:00 What is MOAI?Connection to family, friends, and community11:00 How David found his IkigaiWhat came to him in a dreamLooking back, we see how seemingly disconnected events are connected by a common threadThe blessing of Providence and serendipity appear when we pay attention20:00 What to do if you feel you're wasting your lifeThe power of self-reflection and monotaskingDistraction and FOMO destroy productivity27:00 More views, less newsSet priorities and eliminate noiseDon't let the media manipulate you and steal your timeFeeling alive vs. true livingWe uncover rather than discover our true selves38:00 The word of the day:  hedonic adaptationthe return to our emotional default settings that follows experiential peaks and valleysWe conflate pleasure with happinessIt's not moments of elation but the differentiation between states of beingLottery winners are no happier than paraplegics45:00 Start small to go bigInvest in yourself and believe that your essence is there waiting for you to uncover itBegin working to define your purpose

What do you do to be a bad boss?What's the greatest gift you can give?Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself?These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Brain Science maven Melissa Hughes, Ph.D. joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissahughesphd/https://www.melissahughes.rocks/2:00 Knowing our past gives us a sense of direction for the futureFrom 4th grade teacher to neuroscience researcherWe all have access to information; how are we using it?6:30  What do you do to be a bad boss?Traditional hierarchy vs. teamsPsychological safety and Maslow's hierarchy of needsWe all want to feel that we belongInnovation is all about challenging the status quo“This is how we do it” vs. “Can we do it better?”11:00 Who is wise?  One who learns from every personWe have to know what works, but also what doesn't workObstacles vs. challenges:  the brain loves challengesLeaders who listen to employees create a culture of problem solving15:00 The best way to learn is to teachWe all teach and we all learnWe all contribute and we're all recognizedThe brain doesn't differentiate between physical and emotional threatsDiversity of perspective leads to full understandingWhat's the greatest gift we can give?19:30  When we contribute we fee ownership and controlPatterns and self-fulfilling propheciesWe notice what we're looking forWould I talk to another person the way I talk to myself?Showing gratitude benefits us more that the object of our appreciation 25:00 The brain's bouncerThe brain let's in what we tell it to29:30  The word of the day: Adumbrativeserving to foreshadow; faintly indicativeWe create our own reality through our experiences, habits, and expectations

Why do we choose not to be clear?Are we flawed or are we human?How does nurturing ourselves benefit our businesses?These and other urgent questions are addressed when joyful living guru Cordelia Gaffar joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/cordelia-gaffar/http://cordeliagaffar.com/2:00  The value of joy-mongering and joy-bondingElevate our interactions rather than being transactionalJoy is a function of growth, progress, purpose and connectionOur vocabulary creates our worldHow joy addresses the lack of trust in businessThe corrosive effect of tracking software9:00 How nurturing ourselves benefits our businessesDifferent kinds of rest, diet, and exercise are essential to a joyful dispositionEmotions and thoughts influence and are influenced by our state of beingWe have more control over thoughts than feelings and most control over our actions14:00 Doubt, frustration, isolation, powerlessness depress our attitude and performanceThe complexity of “safe spaces”Culture flows top-down, modeling trusting behavior promotes a culture of trustExperimentation is the human condition19:00 Clear communication leads to productive cooperation and collaborationWhy do we choose not to be clear?We have to know who we are and who others areAre we flawed or are we human?Vulnerability promotes trustAlly-ship and followershipThe value of silence29:00 The word of the day: sesquipedalian polysyllabic; long.characterized by long words; long-winded.We need to communicate in a way that strikes a balance between concise and thorough

#55 Winning through generosity w/ April ShprintzHow do you make the leap from damage control to prevention?What question should leaders be asking themselves?What is the ROI of generosity?These and other transformational questions are addressed when generosity guru April Shprintz joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/aprilshprintz/https://drivenoutcomes.com/1:30 What are magic blue rocks?We don't always recognize how we can inspire othersMindset makes all the differenceThe power of authentic storytelling6:30 The belief that life can be differentWe can feel shame for circumstances beyond our controlWhen generosity becomes a reflex, it means nothing to us but everything to othersWe don't see what grows from the seeds we sowIn order to serve others, we have to see the bigger picture14:15 Things in life happen for you, not to youWorking on how you view the world is the best thing you can do for yourselfWhat's with the leopard print?Dressing your truthThe sages' lesson from the animal world21:00  The ROI of generosityPour into your people, your clients, and your communitySymbiosis survives and thrivesWhen leaders don't recognize their own resourcesWhat are The 5 Questions?27:00  Leaders need to ask themselves:  is your culture healthy?The consultant as a member of the pit crewHow do you define “leader”?Generosity should be a no-brainerPeople who guard their “secret sauce” may have little that's actually worth guardingWe're in business to make ourselves obsolete32:00 Is generosity a hard-sell?When people are ready, then it becomes easy to show them the solutionMake the leap from damage control to preventionYou don't have time?  You don't have time not to!Firemen are sexier than building inspectors36:00 The word of the day:  Effluencethe action or process of flowing out; efflux.something that flows out; emanation.Effluence is close to affluence -- when we pour into others, we serve ourselves as well

How do we stay focused and not slip back into old patterns?What is the difference between kindness and niceness?If it's greater to give than to receive, what is the greatest gift you can give?These and other deep, meaningful questions are addressed when powerful kindness advocate Barbara Vercruysse joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/barbara-vercruysse-431027113/https://www.barbaravercruysse.com/1:00 Kindness is not weaknessGiven six months to liveWhat is my legacy?  What would I do with a second chance?What kind of success leads to happiness?6:00 How do we keep focus and not slip back into old patterns?Gratitude is the foundationWhy waste our days in complaining and negativity?What do challenges and obstacles teach us?Do we give in to the darkness or do we strive to be the light?You are the source of what you are looking for12:00  Why do we think of kindness as weakness?What's the difference between kindness and niceness?Kindness is love-basedIf we meet negativity with negativity, then we are victims, tooAbraham is characterized by kindness and sowed the seeds of kindness throughout the worldEvery human encounter is an opportunity and a sacred momentStart each day with intention and develop resistance to triggers21:00  Lead and teach by exampleAlways leave room for a constructive conversationWhen you embody what you teach, words become less importantIf it's greater to give than to receive, what is the greatest gift you can give?Vulnerability is a form of power25:30  If you're triggered, don't take it personallyWhat is it in me that makes me feel triggered?Secure people don't get offended, even if they have the right to beThe story of the rabbi praising himself30:00 The word of the day:  akrasiaweakness of will; acting in a way contrary to one's sincerely held moral valuesWhy don't we do the right thing even when we know it's the right thing to do?Peer pressure, lack of convictionWe need to build our moral muscle memory

How do you tell the truth when there's so much pressure to do the opposite?How do we stop greasing the slippery slope to hell?What is “ethical fading” and what can we do about it?These and other compelling questions are addressed Courageous Leadership pioneer Brooke Deterline joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.thecourage2lead.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/brooke-deterline-428aa7/1:30  Our most real beliefs may not be true“The Heroic Imagination Project”It's easy for good people to do the wrong thing under pressureThe danger of situational influences“Now that we know, what will we do?”8:00 Brooke's own epiphany of moral vulnerabilityResponding through social fitness against our biologyProfessor Dumbledor's wisdom to combat groupthinkCourageous democracyGrief is a powerful connector14:00  Strengthening ethical decision-making through cognitive behavior trainingPhysical mindfulnessWrite down your negative automatic thoughts, i.e, fearsIdentify the behaviors emerge in stressful situations and what's the likely impactWhat we can do that's helpful to ourselves, e.g., give ourselves distanceWe can always circle back if we don't get it right in the momentForward-cast others in their best roles22:00 Even if it's not my fault, it might still be my responsibilityIn teams, we learn how to give those around us the support they want and needDon't be afraid to askSimulations need real anxiety to create muscle memoryWhat are the outcomes we want based on our values?33:00 Have we thought enough about our core values?We may not have learned to articulate themGod created difficult people for our benefitThe domino system of learning empathyInvite participants to take the role as leaders39:00  The 4 stages of psychological safetyBelonging safetyLearning safetyContribution safetyChallenger safetyTransform anxiety into excitementThree contrarians can create safety to challengeThe danger of ethical fading48:00 Why do we miss the gorilla in the room?Learn to see in 3-DDon't trust yourself until the day you dieWe need to keep each other honestThere's no such thing as an expertDissoluteindifferent to moral restraints; given to immoral or improper conduct; licentious; dissipated.DissolutiveDecomposition into fragments or parts; disintegration. Termination or extinction by disintegration or dispersion: Indulgence in sensual pleasures; debauchery. The dissolution of the empire was remarkably swift.Joseph's brothers and Reuben's irresolutionWhen we see ourselves as individuals, we lose conviction in carrying though on our valuesConnection with the right people is a source of moral strength

Why is company culture necessary for technical skills to make a difference?Who is more essential: workers or executives?Was Jack Welsh good for business?These and other highly relevant questions are addressed when Career Success Accelerator Mark Herschberg joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.thecareertoolkitbook.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/hershey/0:45 Origins of the career toolkitHow can an engineer (or anyone else) learn leadership, communicating, networking, teambuilding, and negotiating?Not just for senior leaders but for everyone3:00 What do you believe that others don't?Why soft skills need another name, and technical skills are not enoughBen Parker's wisdomExpand your rectangle for greater successImprove your weakness as well as your strengths9:00 How to build a high-power networkMore is not always betterSeek quality over quantityWhat can I give, not what can I get14:00 How to make quality connections:Show that you know who they are“Here's an offer to help (not sell)”Follow up without hounding17:00 Leadership mistakesUnlike authority, leadership is not positionalWhy the best CEO does nothingWho is more essential: workers or executives?Why salary differential is both unethical and destabilizingWas Jack Welsh good for business?24:00 The importance of uncomfortable conversationsWe need to change quarterly projections and optimizationB-corps vs. C-corpsNot maximizing profits may be the key to successCreate longer term incentives and obligations30:00 Temperament and consistencyStated vs. practiced values“Blame me” for asking about corporate culture34:00 The word of the day: instantiateEmbody, epitomizeto represent (an abstraction) by a concrete instance.Having real-life examples the demonstrate principles of wisdom, we can better put those principles into practiceCreate your own community to develop these skills and mindset