Podcast appearances and mentions of Reid Wilson

In this powerful episode of Dawnversations with Anthony, we're joined by renowned anxiety expert and author Dr. Reid Wilson to explore the often misunderstood world of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Dr. Wilson breaks down what OCD really is, how it shows up in everyday life, and how it differs from general anxiety and fear-based behaviors. We also dig into phobias, panic, and the deeper emotional roots of chronic worry—plus, practical strategies to begin taking control. Whether you struggle personally or just want to understand it better, this episode delivers clarity, compassion, and real tools for change. #OCD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #AnxietyRelief #MentalHealthMatters #ReidWilson #Phobias #PanicAttacks #FixOCD #FearAndAnxiety #CopingWithOCD #MentalHealthAwareness #DawnversationsWithAnthony #PodcastOnMentalHealth #IntrusiveThoughts #AnxietySupport

What if the path to peace isn't avoiding hardship, but embracing it? In this episode, we explore what it means to “love the mat”—to welcome the falls, failures, and discomforts that come with a life of faith and growth. Drawing from scripture and insights from psychologist Reid Wilson, we see that real strength is formed not in comfort, but in repeated encounters with challenge. Jesus never promised we wouldn't hit the mat—He promised we wouldn't be alone. When we stop fearing failure and start trusting His presence in the middle of it, we begin to live with an untroubled heart.Join the conversation in our FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1CnqywVp9s/Become New is here to help you grow spiritually one day at a time.John's new book STEPS is out! Check it out here: https://becomenew.com/steps/Want to work the steps with a friend or small group? Visit: DoTheSteps.com

Ballot measures across the country could have profound effects on people's everyday lives from abortion access to criminal justice to the way they vote. Geoff Bennett explored the measures with Reid Wilson, founder and editor of Pluribus News, a digital media outlet tracking public policy in the states. PBS News is supported by - https://www.pbs.org/newshour/about/funders

Ballot measures across the country could have profound effects on people's everyday lives from abortion access to criminal justice to the way they vote. Geoff Bennett explored the measures with Reid Wilson, founder and editor of Pluribus News, a digital media outlet tracking public policy in the states. PBS News is supported by - https://www.pbs.org/newshour/about/funders

Send us a Text Message.Are you tired of feeling overwhelmed by anxiety? You're not alone. In this week's episode, we're diving deep into the concept of "expecting to worry."I'm currently reading an amazing book called "Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents," and I'm so excited about the insights I'm gaining. It's opened my eyes to how normal anxiety is, and how we can actually work with it instead of against it.In this episode, you'll learn:Why expecting to worry is a game-changer for managing anxietyHow to model healthy coping strategies for your kidsThe importance of validating your child's feelingsPractical tips to help both you and your child navigate anxietyWhether you're a parent, teen, or young adult, this episode has something valuable for you. Let's tackle anxiety together!Is it possible to support your teen's mental health, gain confidence in your parenting, and still take care of yourself? Absolutely. I've seen it happen for countless parents.But is it as simple as it sounds? Not quite.To truly make it happen, you need practical and effective strategies and resources. Discover these in the Tools for Moms With Teens masterclass series, where 28+ top parenting and mental health experts, including myself will share their insights.This complimentary series covers effective communication techniques, self-care strategies, resources, mental health support and awareness, and building a supportive home environment.​Secure your spot and transform your parenting journey here. Find my podcastEmail me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.comText me: 785-380-2064More information

Breht opens up about his lifelong struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in the hopes that it might help others. He discusses developing contamination OCD as a child after a traumatic event, reflects on how his OCD has morphed over the years and taken on different forms, and offers words of encouragement, loving compassion, and hope for those dealing with this condition.  OCD Interviews to watch: Interview with Kate Interview with Steve the Clown OCD books to read: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide for Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behvaioral Therapy Rewire Your OCD Brain: Neuroscience-Based Skills to Break Free from Obsessive Thougths and Fears Other OCD Resources: OCD Recovery Youtube Channel OCD and Anxiety Youtube Channel (liscensed therapist) Reid Wilson, PHD (OCD specialist) International OCD Foundation Giving Up The Internal Battle (Fear of Fear in OCD)   Outro Song: "Yellow Datsun" by Neva Dinova

Reid Wilson, founder and editor of Pluribus News, focuses on statehouses across the country as local leaders reckon with AI, abortion and marijuana legalization.

Deemed “The Greatest Political Mind of Our Time” by Comedy Central, Wilson cuts through the spin and tells the truth about politics at the state-level.  Reid Wilson is the founder, chief executive, and editor in chief of Pluribus News, https://pluribusnews.com, the nation's only independent news outlet covering state-level politics and policy. He is an expert in spotting political trends as they develop and forecasting election results long before the ballots are counted. Known for staying ahead of the news through his access to top newsmakers, Wilson is a trusted staple of the political scene. Wilson previously covered politics for The Hill and the Washington Post, and he's the former editor-in-chief of National Journal's The Hotline. His work has appeared in outlets like The New York Times, RealClearPolitics, Atlantic Monthly, New Republic, and other major news networks, and his expertise is frequently also sought-after by MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN, and radio shows across the nation. He is also the Amazon best-selling author of Epidemic: Ebola and the Global Scramble to Prevent the Next Killer Outbreak.

Maggie Mick has joined The Political Life podcast as co-host. Maggie is in the leadership group of the state and local government relations consultancy, MultiState - a PPHC firm, located in the Washington, D.C. area. The first episode of the new season will be next week with Reid Wilson from Pluribus News!! 

Dr. Reid Wilson is a licensed psychologist who has spent over 30 years in the field of self-help for anxiety disorders and OCD. He is the Director of the Anxiety Disorders Treatment Center and an author of several self-help books catering to anxiety disorders. He is also Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine. In 2014, he was honored with the highest award given by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, and was presented the Service Award by the International OCD Foundation in 2019.  In this episode we talk about:  ◾️ A deep dive into anxiety and OCD ◾️ Deciding whether tools or medication are fit for your recovery ◾️ How OCD and anxiety treatment has evolved through the years Find Dr. Reid here: anxieties.com Find Zach here: zachwesterbeck.com @zach_westerbeck This podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, affordable, and convenient OCD therapy. NOCD therapists are trained in Exposure Response Prevention, or ERP, therapy, the gold standard treatment for OCD. With NOCD, you can do virtual, live face-to-face video sessions with one of their licensed, specialty-trained therapists, and they accept most major insurance plans. If your insurance isn't covered, mention discount code ZACH100 for a special $100 rate for the next two months. To find out more about NOCD, visit zachwesterbeck.com/virtual-ocd-therapy/ to book a free 15-minute call. Zach Westerbeck is not a licensed medical professional. Zach Westerbeck is not trained in diagnosing psychological or medical conditions. Zach Westerbeck is not a substitute for medical care or medical advice. If you require assistance with any mental health or medical issue, please contact your health care provider for any medical care or medical advice. Zach Westerbeck makes no guarantees of any kind that the information or services provided by Zach Westerbeck will improve the client's situation. This podcast should not be considered medical advice. Please seek professional assistance from a licensed professional. Zach Westerbeck (https://zachwesterbeck.com/virtual-ocd-therapy/) Virtual OCD Therapy - Zach Westerbeck I've partnered with NOCD to bring you effective, affordable and convenient OCD therapy.

Seeking therapy for you or your child can feel like a big step for many reasons. Combined with busy schedules and long waiting lists, and affordability getting help can be unobtainable. In this episode, we talk about how to overcome some of those barriers, with DIY ideas and great resources available right now. Books, podcast & websites referenced in this episode: ADHD Expert Dr. Sharon Saline How to Recover from Depression: A talk on Youtube by Michael Yapko Breaking the Patterns of Depression by Michael Yapko ADHD DUDE Ryan Wexelblatt The Puberty Podcast The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Damor The Anxiety Audit by Lynn Lyons Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents by Reid Wilson & Lynn Lyons What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck by Dawn Huebner Feeling Great by David Burns Stopping the Noise in Your Head by Reid Wilson Anxieties.com [Website of Reid Wilson] Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally Winston & Martin Seif No Time to Panic by Matt Gutman UPDATED: WE'VE MADE PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents of Anxious Kids, Start Here For those brand new to the podcast, we suggest starting with this playlist featuring Lynn Lyons and the 7-part anxiety disruptor series as well as a 3-part series on the skills most helpful in managing anxious kids: flexibility, problem solving, and autonomy. Consult our Spotify profile for the most up-to-date selection.   WIN A COPY OF THE ANXIETY AUDIT COURSE! We will select two listeners who complete our listener survey. We hope it is you!   FOLLOW US Join the Facebook group to get news on the upcoming courses for parents, teens, and kids. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram. Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube.   VISIT OUR SPONSORS FOR SPECIAL OFFERS JUST FOR YOU: Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to greenlight.com/fluster. And right now, our listeners will get an additional 15% off an annual membership at masterclass.com/fluster. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com/FLUSTER to​get $80 off of your first month​. Join in on the savings with Thrive Market today and get 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Go to thrivemarket.com/flusterclux for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! For a free electric mixer and 40% off the coffee, plus free US shipping, go to Trumeta.com/Fluster to fuel your productivity and creativity with some delicious mushroom coffee. Go to Zocdoc.com/FLUSTER and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our first-ever guest is Lynn's pal and co-author Reid Wilson. Reid and Lynn met in 2007 and that meeting resulted in two books and a fast friendship. Join them as they talk anxiety, self-help, Reid's brilliant OCD work and the tenth anniversary of their book, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents.  NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents of Anxious Kids, Start Here For those brand new to the podcast, we suggest starting with this playlist featuring Lynn Lyons and the 7-part anxiety disruptor series as well as a 3-part series on the skills most helpful in managing anxious kids: flexibility, problem solving, and autonomy. Consult our Spotify profile for the most up-to-date selection. WIN A COPY OF THE ANXIETY AUDIT COURSE! We will select two listeners who complete our listener survey. We hope it is you! FOLLOW US Join the Facebook group to get news on the upcoming courses for parents, teens, and kids. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram. Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube. VISIT OUR SPONSORS FOR SPECIAL OFFERS JUST FOR YOU Get $100 off of your first month with a licensed therapist at Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com and use code FLUSTER. Download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Go to Zocdoc.com/FLUSTER and then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. Go to ThriveMarket.com/flusterclux for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!  Right now, listeners can subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%! Go to earthbreeze.com/flusterclux to get started. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Reid Wilson is the founder and editor of Pluribus News, a 10-month-old news platform that focuses on the states and the policy trends that start there. On this episode, host Tim Storey sat down with Wilson to talk about how states are tackling some of their toughest issues: broadband, infrastructure projects, housing policy and artificial intelligence.Wilson started out his career as an assistant to Chuck Todd on the National Journal's Hotline and also worked for years at the Washington Post and The Hill before striking out on his own last year. He is an astute observer of state policy and politics as well as how the media covers those topics. In addition to state policy, Storey and Wilson also discussed the ongoing changes in the media coverage of legislatures.ResourcesPluribus News

Have you ever found yourself caught in a never-ending cycle of anxious thoughts and compulsive behaviors? Do you constantly feel overwhelmed by the intrusive thoughts that seem to control your every move? If so, you're not alone. Millions of people around the world struggle with anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), but there is hope. In this episode of The OCD Whisperer Podcast, we're chatting with Dr. Reid Wilson, a clinical psychologist who specializes in anxiety disorders and OCD. With his groundbreaking approach, he has helped countless individuals regain control of their lives and find relief from the grip of anxiety. During our conversation, Dr. Wilson shares his incredible self-help program called the 6-Moment Game. This program is all about empowering individuals to effectively manage their obsessions. And let me tell you, it's a game-changer! Dr. Wilson emphasizes that the content of our obsessions is actually irrelevant. It's all about how we handle them. He introduces us to the concept of the 6-Moment Game, which involves being mindful of the present moment and dealing with obsessions and urges as they come up.   In This Episode [00:47] Introduction to Dr. Reid Wilson and his expertise in self-help for anxiety disorders and OCD  [01:12] The importance of understanding OCD [03:47] Introducing the concept of the 6-Moment Game [04:22] The “six moments” process [11:58] The importance of moving forward and not getting caught up in the prepositional phrases of obsessions [15:55] Self-help treatment and collaborative therapy [19:10] The importance of provoking distressing uncertainty. [20:22] Creating rules and following a game plan [24:32] Understanding the simplicity and difficulty of the process of managing OCD   Notable Quotes [03:40] “The six moments are a manifestation of what we've learned. So we learn about principles. We understand that we're playing a mental game against this really very powerful disorder. And when we kind of learn those principles, we're going to bring them down into the moment.” - Dr. Reid [23:14] “The brain works best when the unconscious mind is out of the way.” - Dr. Reid   Our Guest Dr. Reid Wilson Dr. Reid Wilson is  a recognized expert in anxiety disorders and OCD self-help for over 30 years and leads Anxieties.com, an Anxiety Disorders Treatment Center. He has authored several acclaimed books, including "Stopping the Noise in Your Head: The New Way to Overcome Anxiety and Worry" and "Don't Panic," and has appeared on shows like Oprah and Good Morning America. His contributions were honored by ADAA and the OCD Foundation with their highest awards in 2014 and 2019.   Resources & Links Kristina Orlova, LMFT https://www.instagram.com/ocdwhisperer/ https://www.youtube.com/c/OCDWhispererChannel https://www.korresults.com/ https://www.onlineocdacademy.com Dr. Reid Wilson https://anxieties.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/rreidwilson/   ** Please note, while our host is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in OCD and anxiety disorders in the state of California, this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for therapy. Stay tuned for bi-weekly episodes filled with valuable insights and tips for managing OCD and anxiety. And remember, keep going in the meantime. See you in the next episode!

Nationwide, rulings happening in the states are already changing the landscape on abortion and gender-affirming care. Reid Wilson, founder and editor of Pluribus News, and Emily Bazelon, staff writer for the New York Times Magazine, join Chuck to break down the constitutional battles happening stateside.

We talk with Reid Wilson about voting demographics all across the country and how they've evolved and changed the past couple of years.https://pluribusnews.com/

From museums and aquariums to state parks and symphonies, Reid Wilson manages many of the things we love most about North Carolina. As the Secretary of the North Carolina Department of Natural and Cultural Resources, it's his job to promote all of the wonderful things to do and see in our state. In this conversation, Wilson talks about how a thriving arts scene and connections to nature are also important parts of bringing business into North Carolina.

In this episode, I talk about how we need both comfort and discomfort to get us to a better place when it comes to anxiety. I wrote this episode while I was reading 2 books at the same time- The Comfort Book, By Matt Haig, and Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents, by Reid Wilson & Lynn Lyons, and both were giving what seemed like opposite advice. The first was telling me to get over anxiety (and depression) through comfort- enjoying a PB&J, nature, hugs from family/pets etc. The second was telling me that if you don't get out and DO the things you are anxious about (ride in airplanes, go on chairlifts, get on the bus, whatever), you will never become less anxious about it. And, I decided, we need both. We need both the secure base of home AND the challenge/bravery etc. that comes from going out and doing the things we are anxious about. At the same time. Action item: see in what ways you can both make your home more comfortable and encourage yourself to get outside of your comfort zone at the same time!

Often described as “laboratories of democracy,” state legislatures have often produced legislation or ideas that eventually make their way to Washington. And, of course, many of these state executives also find their way into national political office. Helping us dig through the trends, priorities and personalities in state capitols is Reid Wilson, founder and editor of Pluribus News, a new digital media outlet offering the most comprehensive coverage of state-level public policy in America.Cook Political Report subscribers can access the full transcript and video recording. This episode was filmed on February 9, 2023.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation published its annual report on hate crimes, but with incomplete data it leaves more questions than answers. Congress moves forward with negotiations over the 2023 budget as the Friday deadline looms. Sarah Chamberlain, Eugene Robinson and Reid Wilson join the Meet the Press NOW roundtable. Scientists in California make a breakthrough in nuclear fusion research. Nigerien President Mohamed Bazoum joins Meet the Press NOW ahead of the U.S.-Africa Leaders Summit.

A growing number of Republican lawmakers are condemning former President Trump's dinner with Ye and white nationalist Nick Fuentes. Reid Wilson, Maria Teresa Kumar and Sarah Chamberlain join the Meet the Press NOW roundtable to discuss building criticism of the former president. COO of Georgia's Secretary of State's Office Gabe Sterling discusses record early voting turnout. National Security Council Coordinator for Strategic Communications, John Kirby, discusses the latest on Ukraine, China and Iran. NBC News White House Correspondent Monica Alba reports on the administration's strategy to avert a rail strike. Rep. Mary Peltola (D-Alaska) lays out what she hopes to accomplish during the lame duck session.

Governor Jared Polis (D-Colo.) joins Meet the Press to talk about America's gun policy, following last week's shooting at Club Q in Colorado Springs. In an exclusive interview, Rep. James Comer (R-Ky.) talks to Chuck about the upcoming Republican majority and his priorities for the House Committee on Oversight and Reform. Dr. Anthony Fauci discusses his legacy prior to his departure as director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. Matt Gorman, Maria Teresa Kumar, Susan Page, and Reid Wilson join the Meet the Press roundtable.

As Washington further entrenches itself into hostile sides, state legislatures seem to be following suit — with deep partisan rancor turning up the heat in state capitols. Reid Wilson, founder and editor-in-chief of Pluribus News, brings his 50-state analysis to the Chuck ToddCast.

For many voters this year, the focus has been on contests for governor, senator or local representatives, but voters in 36 states will decide the future of abortion access, health care and even voting itself. Laura Barrón-López sat down with Reid Wilson of Pluribus News to discuss the ballot measures. PBS NewsHour is supported by - https://www.pbs.org/newshour/about/funders

For many voters this year, the focus has been on contests for governor, senator or local representatives, but voters in 36 states will decide the future of abortion access, health care and even voting itself. Laura Barrón-López sat down with Reid Wilson of Pluribus News to discuss the ballot measures. PBS NewsHour is supported by - https://www.pbs.org/newshour/about/funders

For many voters this year, the focus has been on contests for governor, senator or local representatives, but voters in 36 states will decide the future of abortion access, health care and even voting itself. Laura Barrón-López sat down with Reid Wilson of Pluribus News to discuss the ballot measures. PBS NewsHour is supported by - https://www.pbs.org/newshour/about/funders

A wide-ranging, exclusive one-on-one with Senate candidate Herschel Walker (R-Ga.). Kimberly Atkins Stohr, Reid Wilson and Sarah Chamberlain join the MTP NOW roundtable to discuss the state of play in battleground Senate races. Russia continues to bombard Kyiv, hitting key electrical infrastructure as well as residential buildings. Eight people are dead after a large fire ignited in Tehran's Evin prison, as demonstrations against the government escalate. Karim Sadjadpour of the Carnegie Endowment joins to discuss the protests in Iran. The Justice Department is asking a federal judge to sentence Steve Bannon to six months in prison for refusing to cooperate with the January 6th committee.

Reid Wilson has spent his career covering states and their importance to the foundation of federal governance.  Today is the first ever repeat guest on the podcast -- because Reid is embarking on a new venture that shines a light on state governments, the importance of their work and the relevance they have in what the Congress ultimately does for the country.It's in the states that the work is done -- to assure that the feds can effect change.  And that is why the work that Reid and his team will do is so critically important to the United States.  Listen in to hear about Pluribus News!

SUMMARY:  Today, I share what to do when you get “bad” news.  This episode will share a recent situation I got into where I had to use all of my mindfulness and self-compassion tools.  Check it out! Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com.  CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors.  Go to cbtschool.com to learn more.  Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two).   EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION  This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 288.  Welcome back, everybody. We literally just finished the six-week series on managing mental compulsions. My heart is full, as full as full can be. I am sitting here looking into my microphone and I just have a big, fat smile on my face. I'm just so excited for what we did together, and I felt like it was so huge. I have so many ideas of how I want to do something similar in the future with different areas. And I will. Thank you so much for your feedback and your reviews. I hope it was as helpful as it was for me, even as a clinician. I found it to be incredibly helpful, even as a supervisor, supervising my staff. I have nine incredible staff who are therapists, who help treat my clients and we constantly keep referring back during supervision of like, “Do you remember what Lisa said? Do you remember what Reid said? Listen, let's consider what Jon said or Jon Hershfield said, or Shala Nicely said.” It was just so beautiful. I'm so grateful. If you haven't listened, go back and listen to it. It's a six-week series and ugh, it was just so wonderful. I keep saying it was just so wonderful. So, if you go back, I did an introduction, Episode 282. And then from there, it was these amazing, amazing experts who just dropped amazing truth bomb after amazing truth bomb. So, that's that. Today, I am going back to the roots of this podcast. And I'm sharing with you-- for those of you who have been listening for a while, we usually start the episode with a segment called the “I did a hard thing” segment. This is where people write in and tell me a hard thing that they've done. If you go to my website, which is KimberleyQuinlan-lmft.com. There on the podcast page is a place to submit your “I did a hard thing.” And today's “I did a hard thing” is from yours truly. I just had to share this story with you. I feel like it's an important story to tell you guys, and I wanted to share with you that I'm not just talking the talk over here, I'm walking the walk. So, today's episode is called When You Get Bad News. I'm just going to leave it at that. Before we get started, I would love to leave you and share with you the review of the week. This is from hannabanana3131, and they said: “Fantastic mental health podcast. Such an amazing podcast. I have learned so many useful tools for dealing with my anxiety and OCD. And Kimberley is such a loving, compassionate coach - I feel like she's rooting for me every step of my healing journey,” and she's left a heart emoji. Thank you so much, hannabanana. I love, love, love getting your reviews. It does help me so much. So, if you have a moment of time and the podcasts are helpful for you, that is the most helpful thing you can do back. When we get reviews, then when people who are new come over and see it, it actually makes them feel like they can trust the information we're giving. And in today's world, trust is important. There is so much noise and so many people talking about OCD and anxiety, and it's easy to get caught up in nonsense stuff. And so, I really want to build a trust factor with the listeners that I have. So, thank you so much for doing that. Okay. It's funny that hannabanana says, “I feel like she's rooting for me,” because the “I did hard thing” is me talking about my recent experience of having a root canal. Worse than a root canal. So, let me tell you a story now. I'm not just telling you this story to tell you a story. I'm telling you this story because I want to sometimes-- when we do the “I did a hard thing” segment, it's usually very, very short and to the point, but I'd actually like to walk you through how I got through getting some really bad news. So, let's talk about it. And I'll share. I'm not perfect. So, there were times when I was doing well and there was times when I won't. So, for those of you who don't know, which I'm guessing is all of you, I have very bad gums. My gums, I inherited bad gums. It comes in my family. I go in every three months for a gum routine where they do a deep cleaning or they really check my gums to make sure there's not receding too much. And because of that, I take really good care of my teeth. And because of that, I usually have very little dental issues. I never had a cavity. I've never had any cracks or any terrible swollen problems. That just isn't my problem. My problem is gums and it's an ongoing issue that I have to keep handling. So this time, I go in, I get my x-rays, and the doctor comes in. And I have this really hilarious dentist who has not got the best bedside manner, but I do love him and he has been with me through some really tough times that when I found out I have a lesion on my brain, I fully broke down in front of him and he was so kind and gave me his cell phone number. He was just so lovely. But he comes in and he rubs his hands together and says, “What are we doing here today, Kimberley?” And he looks at the x-rays and I kid you not, he says, “Holy crap!” Literally, that was his response, which is pretty funny, I think. From there, I proceed to go into some version of a panic attack. I'm like, “What? What's wrong? What do you see? What happened?” And I think that was pretty appropriate for me to do that. So, I want to validate you. When you get big news, it's normal to go into a fight or flight, like what's going on, you're hypervigilant, you're looking around. Now, he waited about 45 seconds to answer my question. I just sat there in a state of panic while he stared at the x-rays on the wall. And these 45 seconds, I think, was the longest 45 seconds of my life because he wouldn't answer me. And I was just like, “Tell me what's wrong. What's wrong?” So, he turns around and he says, “Kimberley, you have a dead tooth.” And I'm like, “What? A dead tooth? What does that even mean?” And he says, “You have a tooth infection that is dormant. Do you have any pain? Do you have a headache? What's going on?” And I'm like, “Nothing, nothing. I'm fine. Everything is fine.” And so, he proceeds to immediately in this urgent, panicky way, call in his nurses, “Bring me this, bring me that, bring me this, bring me that. Bring me this tool, bring me this chemical or medicine or whatever.” And they're all poking at me and prodding at me and they're trying to figure it out. And he's like, “I cannot figure out what this is and why it's here.” So, bad news. Just straight-up bad news. Now, the interesting thing about this is, it's hard to be in communication with someone, particularly when they're your doctor and they appear to be confused and panicking. Not that he was panicking, but he was acting in this urgent way. That's a hard position to be in. And if you've ever been in a position like that, I want to first validate you. That's scary. It is a scary moment that your trusted person is also panicking. Just like when you're on an airplane and it's really bumpy. But if you see that the air hostesses are giggling and laughing, you're like, “Okay, it's all good.” But when you see their faces looking a little nervous, that's a scary moment. So, first of all, if you've been in that position, that's really, really hard. What he then proceeded to tell me is, “Kimberley, this tooth has to come out. It has to come out immediately. We cannot wait. It's going to cost a god-awful amount of money. And this has to happen right away.” Now in my mind, you guys know me, I am really, really strict about scheduling. I have a schedule. I'm not compulsive about it, but I run two businesses. I have a podcast, I have two children. I have a medical illness. I have to manage my mental illnesses all the time. So, I have to be really intentional with my calendar. So, this idea that immediately, everything has to change was a little alarming to me. But what I remember thinking, and this is one of the tools I want to offer you for today, is being emotionally flexible is a skill. And what we want to do in those moments, and this is what I practiced was, “Okay, Kimberley, this is one of those moments where your skills come in handy. Thank God for them.” How can you be flexible here? Because my mind wanted to go, “You got to pick up the kids and you've got to do this and you've got to a meeting tomorrow and you've got clients and you can't do this. This can't happen this week.” But my mind was like, “I'm going to practice flexibility.” In addition to that, when things change really quickly, we tend to beat ourselves up like, “Such and such is going to hate me. They're going to be mad at me. They're going to think I'm a loser for having to change the schedule.” And I just gently said to myself, “Kimberley, we're going to be emotionally flexible here and we're going to let everybody have their emotions about it.” So, the kids get to have their emotions about everything changing and my clients get to have their emotions about it too. And having to cancel the meetings, they get to have their emotions. Everyone's allowed to have their emotions about the fact that many, many things are going to be canceled in the next few days. And that has been such a work of art for me, but it has been so beautiful for me to say, instead of me going, “No, no, no, I can't do this,” because I don't want them to have feelings and I don't want them to think this about me, now I'm just like, everyone gets to have their feelings. They get to feel disappointed. They get to feel angry. They get to feel annoyed. They get to feel irritated. They get to feel sad. Everybody gets to feel their feelings about it because that's a part of being a human. That's one of the tools I want you to think about. Just play with these ideas. You've just come off the six-week series. These are some more ideas to play with. But then from there, I had about 36 hours where I had to wait for this surgery. And during that time, I had to have an x-ray where I was told, and this is the real bad news, is this infection, actually, this is gross. So, trigger warning, guys. The infection actually ate through a part of my jaw bone. I know. Isn't that crazy? The infection was so bad and it was right at this area where I guess nerves come out of your jaw. There's this tiny hole right at the front, around the sides where the nerves come out of your jaw and up into your lips and the infection spread and was all over that area. I know that is gross, but it's also really scary. So, not only did I have to think about all of the changes, but he, the doctor, the dentist had made me very aware that this surgery has to go really well, and that if he pushes too hard or he pulls too hard with a tooth or he had to put in a-- there's these words I don't even know, but like a canal, like some kind of fixture so that he can create a new tooth because I had to have a tooth completely pulled out. He was like, “If I push it in too far, I actually may hit this nerve, which could be very, very bad.” So, this uncertainty felt horrible to me. And of course, I'm going to have these intrusive thoughts like, “What if I never get to speak again? What if I lose a feeling in my gums and what if he pushes hard and this is terminal? What if, what if, what if, what if?” And so, my skill here, and we've learnt this from managing mental compulsions, is bring it back to the present. Until there's a problem, we don't solve them. So, that's what I kept doing. “It's not happening now. Kimberley, it's not happening now. It's not happening now,” even though it's a real threat, even though it's going to be something I have to face, because sometimes our fears are like, “What if something happens?” But it's just a what-if. There's no actual event that you know for certain is going to happen. This was like, “Yeah, you're going to do this in literally 30 hours and all of these risks are here.” You guys have probably got stories like this, where you've gone in for some brain surgery or any surgery where there's a risk, but this risk was pretty huge. He was very concerned. I think appropriately concerned. So, here I am for 30 hours, managing this stuff where I'm like, “Okay, this could go really well or this could go really bad, like really, really bad.” I giggle just because it makes me nervous just to think about it. That's a nervous giggle that you just heard me. I don't know. I often giggle when I'm nervous. But it's a big deal. So, I, in these moments, had to weigh up, go back to what Lisa Coyne was talking about. I was like, “Okay, values versus fear. Which one do I consult with?” I had reached out to the dentist to say, “You know what, let's just not do this. I'm not in any pain. Let's just keep it there. Let's just not.” And his response was like, “That's not even an option. If you've already got this much damage, this could get worse and be very, very problematic.” So, I didn't even have the option to back out. I had to do this. And so, as I proceeded forward, I had to keep being aware like what Jon Hershfield talked about and Dr. Grayson and Dr. Reid Wilson, and Shala. I had to really allow all the intrusive thoughts to come like, “Yup. Possible. Yup, that's possible too. Yup, that's possible too. Maybe it does. Maybe it will. Not going to give it my attention right now. I see you're back again. Good one, bro. Hi there, I see you. I fully accept the uncertainty.” That was me for l30 hours, literally bringing in every tool I have. The cool thing is it was a hugely busy week. And because I have been really doubling down on my mindfulness skills over the last few months, that actually really helped. Every time I noticed that I was getting anxious, I was like, “Okay, what does the keyboard feel under my fingers?” I have these fiddles that I play with and I'm like, “Okay, what does this feel like? This rubber feel like, or this metal feel like, and so forth?” So, that was really helpful. The day of the surgery, I go in and I'm fully anxious. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm needing to pee. I feel dizzy. I'm not allowed to be on my medication. Oh, and that's the other thing, is this maybe the-- what do you call it? The silver lining. Just a little update for you guys, is there is a small chance, because this infection has been here for a long time and we haven't actually detected it yet, that it may be the reason for all my POTS symptoms. As some of you may know, I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. It is a chronic illness related to dysautonomia. It causes me to faint and have headaches and nausea and dizziness and blood pooling and it's the worst. And there is a chance that that might be why. So, I'm half scared and half excited all day, which is a lot to handle. But as the day is moving forward, I'm getting more and more nervous and I start to feel the urge to start to seek reassurance. I start to observe the urge to Google. I start to observe the urge to ask the doctors many, many, many, many questions. And when I say it, I'm saying that very intentionally. I observed the urge, which is I didn't do those behaviors. I just noticed the urge that kept showing up. “Ooh, let's try and get this anxiety to go away. Ooh, let's try and get that anxiety to go away.” Knowing that when it's my turn to sit in that chair, I will ask specific questions. So, I'm not saying you can't ask your doctors questions, but that was key for me, was to observe the urge to seek reassurance, observe the urge to go into avoidance. I'm not going to make this story too much longer, but what I will say, I want to tell you the funniest part of this story. I'm in the doctor's office because I had to go in for this very fancy x-ray that does all your nerves because he was afraid he was going to hit one. He's showing me the x-ray and I'm literally looking at it. He's showing me cross-sections of my jaw. And you guys, it was so scary. You can see the hole that it's created. You can see the infection and how it's deteriorated the bone. It was so scary. And so, he puts his hand on my-- and I'm like, at that point, “Is there any way we could get away with not doing this? Because this is really scary.” He puts his hand on my hand, he says, “I'm going to go and take care of all of these last patients I have so I can give you 100% of my attention and I will be back.” You guys, this is the funniest thing ever. So, the dental nurse is there watching me. My heart is through the roof. My blood pressure is all over the place. She stands in front of me and she says, “Miss Kimberley, don't be worried. We've watched all the YouTube videos.” And I swear to you, every piece of panic that I had went out the window for that small second and I laughed so hard. She said, “In fact, that's where the doctor is right now. He's just going to watch the YouTube video one more time.” And I just died laughing. Now for some of you, that may have actually been really anxiety-provoking. But for me, it was exactly what I needed. I needed someone to make this so funny. And it was so funny. I swear to you, every time I think of it, the way she says it in her accent was the most hilarious thing ever. It was so perfectly timed. The delivery was perfect and I burst out laughing. He comes back in-- this is the end of the story. I'm not going to drag it out for too much longer. I promise. But he comes back in, and I just wanted to share with you, because I know last week with Lisa, I had a really emotional moment, and I think it was really tied to this. As he was putting in the IV – because I had to be knocked out. He said he couldn't take a risk of me moving. So, he knocked me out for the surgery – tears just rolled out of my eyes. And I wasn't going to be ashamed of it. And what came up for me was, I said, “Please, sir.” I said “Sir,” which I think is so funny, because I know him by his first name. “Please, sir. Please just take care of me.” And for me, tears were rolling down my face, but that was an act of compassion for myself. Instead of me saying-- because I know two years ago, or even six months ago, I probably would've said, “Please, don't kill me,” or “Promise me nothing bad would happen.” But there was this act of compassion that just flowed out of me, which was like, “Please, sir. Please take care of me.” And it was coming from this deep place of finally in my life, being able to ask to be taken care of. And I've been working on this, you guys, for about a year, is having the ability to actually ask for help has been something I've really sucked at and it's something I've worked so hard at. And for me, that was groundbreaking, to ask for help. Now you could say it was me pleading with him, but it wasn't. It was me. It was an act of compassion. It was an act of saying, “I'm scared. I'm not asking you to take my fear away. I'm just asking you to hold me in a place of kindness and compassion and nurturing and care.” And that for me was profound. So, I just wanted to share that with you. I know that it might not be as skills-based as some of the other episodes, but I love sharing with you hard things and I love sharing with you that I'm a human, messy human who's doing the best they can and is imperfect too. But I just wanted to give you a step-by-step one. It's okay if it's hard and there are skills that you can use and we can get through hard things. It's a beautiful day to do hard things, I always say that. And so, I wanted to just record this and share with you the ups and the downs of my week and help you maybe if there's a time where you've gotten bad news on ways that you might manage it. Now, what I do want to end here with is, I understand my privilege here. I understand my privilege of getting bad news and being able to get medical care and have a lovely dentist and a lovely nurse who makes funny jokes. And sometimes the news doesn't end well, and I get that. I want to honor you that there is no right way to get bad news. And the grief process of getting bad news is different for everybody. This was more of an anxiety process, but I want to honor to you that if you're going through some hard thing in your life where you've gotten bad news, I want to also offer you the opportunity to grieve that and I want to honor that this is really, really a hard thing to go through. So, I really want to make sure I make space for you with that because my experience is not your experience, I'm sure. So, that's it, guys. That's what to do when you get bad news. That's my experience of getting bad news and I hope it's been helpful. We are embarking on some shifts here with the podcast. I am so inspired to be more focused on just delivering the tools to you and being a safe place for you and being a bright, shiny light for you. And so, I'm doing a lot of exploring on how I can do that. So, if you ever-- again, please do feel-- if you want to give some thoughts, please do reach out, send me an email. If you're not on my newsletter list, please do go and sign up. I'll leave you a link in the show notes, or you can go to CBTSchool.com and sign up for the newsletter and you can reply there as well or you can leave a review. All right. I love you guys. Have a wonderful day. It is a beautiful day to get bad news and do the hard thing. I love you. Have a great day.

SUMMARY: In this weeks podcast, we talk with Dr Reid Wilson.  Reid discussed how to get your them out of the way and play the moment-by moment game.  Reid shares his specific strategies for managing mental compulsion. You are not going to want ot miss one minute of this episode. Covered in This Episode: Getting your Theme out of the way The importance of shifting your additude Balancing “being aggressive” and implementing mindfulness and acceptance How to play the “moment by moment” game Using strategy to achieve success in recovery OCD and the 6-moment Game Other tactics for Mental compulsions Links To Things I Talk About: Reid's Website anxieties.com https://www.youtube.com/user/ReidWilsonPhD?app=desktop DOWNLOAD REID's WORKBOOK HERE  Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com.  CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors.  Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 286. Welcome back, everybody. I am so excited. You guys, we are on number five of this six-part series, and this six-part series on Managing Mental Compulsions literally has been one of the highlights of my career. I am not just saying that. I'm just flooded with honor and pride and appreciation and excitement for you. All the feedback has been incredible. So many of you have emailed me or reached out to me on social media just to let me know that this is helping you. And to be honest with you, I can't thank you enough because this has been something I've wanted to do for so long and I've really felt that it's so needed. And it's just been so wonderful to get that feedback from you. So, thank you so much. The other plus people I want to be so grateful for are the guests. Each person has brought their special magic to how to manage mental compulsions. And you guys, the thing to remember here is managing mental compulsions is hard work, like the hardest of hard work. And I want to just honor that it is so hard and it is so confusing and it's such a difficult thing to navigate. And so, to have Jon talking about mental compulsions and mindfulness and Shala talking about her lived experience and flooding, and Dr. Jonathan Grayson talking about acceptance last week. And now, we have the amazing Reid Wilson coming on and sharing his amazing strategies and tools that he uses with his patients with mental rumination, mental compulsions, mental rituals. Literally, I can't even explain it. It's just joy. It's just pure joy that I get to do this with you and be on this journey with you. I'm going to do this quick. So, I'll just do a quick introduction. We do have Dr. Reid Wilson here. Now we've had Reid on before. Every single guest here, I just consider such a dear friend. You're going to love this episode. He brings the mic drops. I'm not going to lie. And so, I do hope that you squeeze every little bit of juice out of this episode. Bring your notepad, get your pen, you're going to need it, and enjoy. Again, have a beautiful day. As I always say, it is a beautiful day to do hard things. Let's get onto the show. Kimberley: I am thrilled to have you, Dr. Reid Wilson. Reid: Thanks. Glad to be here. Kimberley: Oh my goodness. Okay. I have been so excited to ask you these questions. I am just jumping out of my skin. I'm so really quite interested to hear your approach to mental compulsions. Before we get started, do you call them mental compulsions, mental rituals, mental rumination? How do you-- Reid: Sure. All of the above doesn't matter to me. I just don't call it “pure obsessions, pure obsessionals” because I think that's a misnomer, but we can't seem to get away from that. Kimberley: Can you maybe quickly share why you don't think we can get away from that? Do you want to maybe-- we'd love to hear your thoughts on that. We haven't addressed that yet in the podcast. Reid: Well, typically, we would call-- people write to me all the time and probably do that too, say, “I'm a pure obsessional.” Well, that's ridiculous. Nobody's a pure obsessional. What it really is, is I have obsessions and then I have mental compulsions. And so, it's such a misnomer to be using that term. But what I mean is, how we can't get away from it is it's just gotten so completely in the lexicon that it would take a lot of effort to try to expel the term. Getting the them out of the way Kimberley: Okay. Thank you for clearing that up, because that's like not something we've actually addressed up until this time. So, I'm so grateful you brought that up. So, I have read a bunch of your staff. I've had you on the show already and you're a very dear friend. I really want to get to all of the main points of your particular work. So, let's talk first about when we're managing mental compulsions. We'll always be talking about that as the main goal, but tell me a little bit about why the theme, we've got to get out of the way of that. Reid: Right. And my opinion is this is one of the most important things for us to do and the most difficult thing to accomplish. It's really the first thing that needs to be accomplished, which is we have to understand. And you're going to hear me say this again. This is a mental health disorder and it's a significant disorder. And if we don't get our minds straight about what's required to handle it, we're going to get beaten down left and right. So, of course, the disorder comes into the mind as something very specific. Focusing on the specific keeps us in the territory of the disorders control. So, we need to understand this is a disorder of uncertainty. This is a disorder of uncertainty that brings distress. So, we have that combination of two things. If we're going to treat the disorder, we cannot bring our focus on our theme. But the theme is very ingrained in everyone.  I talk about signal versus noise, and this is how I want to help people make that transition, which is of course, for all of us in all humanity, every worry comes into the prefrontal cortex as a signal. And we very quickly go, “Oh yeah, well, that's not important. I don't need to pay attention to that.” And we turn it over to noise and let go of it and keep going. With OCD, the theme, the topic, the checking, and all the mental rituals that we do are perceived and locked down as signals. And if we don't convert them into noise, we are stuck.  What I want the client to do is to treat the theme as nothing, and that is a big ask. And not only do we have to treat the theme as nothing, we have to treat it as nothing while we are uncertain, whether it's nothing or not. So, in advance of an obsession popping up, we really need to dig down during a no problem time and get clear about this. And then we do want to figure out a way to lock that down, which includes “I'm going to act as though this is nothing,” and it has to be accomplished like that. Go ahead. Kimberley: No. And would you do the same for people, let's say if they had social anxiety or health anxiety, generalized anxiety? Would you also take the theme out of it? Reid: Absolutely. But if the theme is in the way, then we need to problem-solve that. So, if we go to health anxiety, okay, I've got a new symptom, some pain in the back of my head that I've never had before. I have to decide, am I going to go into the physician and have it checked out or am I not? Or am I going to wait a few days and then do it? With that kind of anxiety and fear around health, we have to get closure around “I don't need to do anything about this.” Sometimes I use something called “postponing.” So, with social anxiety, it can-- I mean, with health anxiety, it can work really well to go, “Well, I'm having this new symptom, do I have to immediately go in and see the physician and get it checked out? Can I wait 24 hours? Yes, I can. I've already been diagnosed with health anxiety. So, I know I get confused about this stuff. So, I'm going to wait 24 hours.” So, what does that give us then? Now I have 24 hours to treat the obsession as nothing because I don't need to focus on it. I've already decided, if I'm still worried tomorrow, I'm making an appointment, we're going in. That gives me the opportunity to work on this worry as an obsession because I've already figured it out. The reason we want to do that so diligently is we have to go up one level of abstraction up to the disorder itself. And that's why we have to get off of this to come up here and work on this. Kimberley: This is so good. And you would postpone, use that same skill for all the themes as well? I'm just wanting to make sure so people clarify. Reid: Well, sure. I mean, postponing is a tactic. I wouldn't say we can do postponing across the board because some people have-- it really depends on what the obsession is and what the thinking ritual is as to whether we can use it. But it's one of them that can be used. Shifting your attitude  Kimberley: Amazing. Tell me about-- I mean, that requires a massive shift in attitude. Can you share a little bit about that? Reid: Yeah. And if you think about-- I use that term a lot around attitude, but we've got some synonyms in attitude. What is my disposition toward this? Have I mentioned mental health disorder? What do I want my orientation to be? How do I want to focus on it? And we want to think about really attitude as technique, as skill set. So, what we know is the disorder wants some very specific things from us. It wants us to be frightened by that topic. It wants us to have that urge to get rid of it and have that urge to get rid of it right now. And so, that begins to give us a sense of what is required to get better. And that again is up here.  So, why do you do mental counting? Why do you do rehearsal mentally? Why do you try to neutralize through praying? When you look at some of those, the functions of some of those or compulsions and urge to do the compulsions, it is to fill my mind so I don't get distracted again, it is to reassure myself, it is to make sure everything is going to be okay. It is to get certain. And so, when we know that that is the drive of the disorder, we begin to see, what do we need to do broadly in general? And that is, I need to actually operate paradoxically. If it needs me to do this, feel this, think this, I'm going to do everything I can to manipulate that pattern and do the opposite. It wants me to take this theme seriously, I'm going to work on-- and really it has to be said like that. I'm going to work on not taking it seriously. So, that's the shift. If we can get a sense of the attitude and the principles that go along with all of that, then moment by moment, we'll know what to do in those moments. Do you need to be aggressive with OCD and intrusive thoughts?  Kimberley: We've had guests talking about mindfulness and we will have Lisa Coyne talking about act and Jon Grayson talking about acceptance, and you really talk more about being aggressive. How do you feel about all of those and where do they come together, or where are they separate? How would you apply these different tools for someone with mental compulsions? Reid: Yeah, sure. Mindfulness is absolutely a skill set that we need to have. Absolutely. We are trying to get perspective. We're trying to get some distance. We would like to detach. That's what we're trying to do. But what are we trying to be mindful of? We're trying to be mindful of the belief that this topic is important. We're trying to be mindful of the need to ritualize that is created by the theme. So, the end game is mindfulness and detachment. That's where we're going. My opinion is, the opening gambits, the opening moves, it's very difficult to go from a frightened, terrified, scared, and slide over to neutral and detached. It's just difficult.  And so, I think initially, we need to be thinking about a more aggressive approach, which is I'm going to go swing in this pendulum from, “I can't stand this, this is awful.” I'm going to swing over right past mindfulness over to this more aggressive stance of, “I want this, let's get going. I'm taking this theme on.” The aggressiveness is a determination of my commitment to do the work.  And here's the paradox of it. I'm going to address on the disorder by sitting back. My action is to go, “I'm okay. This is all right.” And that's a mindful place to get to. But you have to know we're going after this big, aggressive bully, and it requires an intense amount of determination and you have to access your determination over and over and over again. You don't just get determined and it's steady. So, we just got to keep getting back to that. “No, no, I want to do this work. I want to get my outcome picture. I want to have my mind back. I want to go back to school. I want to be able to connect with my family in a loving way, with having one-third of my mind distracted. I want that back very strongly. And therefore, If I have to go through this work to get there, I want to go through this work.” We can maybe talk more about what that whole message of “I want this” means, but here it is, which is, “I want this” is a kind of determination that's going to help drive the work. Kimberley: Yeah. Let's go there because that is so important. So, tell me about “I want this.” Tell me about why that is so important. So, you've talked about “I want to get better and I want to overcome this,” and so forth. Tell me more about the “I want this comfort.” Reid: Well, let's think about-- you really only have two choices in terms of your reaction to any present moment, either I want this moment, so I'm present to this moment, or I don't want this moment. It's very simple in that way. When I don't want this moment, I'm now resisting this present moment. And what that means practically speaking is, now I've taken part of my consciousness, part of my mind that is available for the treatment and I've parked it. I've taken it offline and actually provoking myself, sticking myself with, “Are you sure you want to do this? Is this really safe? Don't you think-- maybe we could do this later and not now.” So, there's a big drive to resist that we need to be aware of. Have I mentioned this yet? This is a mental health disorder that is very tough to treat. I want 100% of my mental capacities available to do the treatment. I'll never have all of that because I'm always going to have some form of resistance, but I need to get that resistant part of me on the sideline not messing with me, and then let me go forward all like that.  One of the confusions sometimes people get around this work when I talk about it is it's not, “Oh, I want to have another obsession right now,” or “I want to have an urge to do my compulsion right now. I want that.” No. What we're talking about is a present moment. So, if my obsession pops up, if it pops up, I want it. If I'm having that urge to do my compulsion, I want it. And why is that? Because we have to go through it to get to the other side. I have to be present to both the obsessions and the urges to do the compulsions in order to do the treatment. So, that's the aggressive piece. “Come on, bring it on. Let's get going. I'm scared of this.” Of course, I don't want-- Kimberley: I'm just going to ask. Reid: I don't want to feel it. I don't want to, but I'm clear that to do the treatment, it requires me to go through the eye of the needle. If you're like I am, there's plenty of days when you don't want to go to the gym. You don't really want to work out or sometimes you don't even want to go to bed as early as you should, but if we want the outcome of that good rest, that workout, then we manifest that in the moment and get moving. We're disrupting a pattern. When I talked about postponing, it's a disruption of this major pattern. If we insert postponing into these obsessions and mental compulsions are impulsive, I have that obsession and I pretty immediately have that urge to do the compulsion. And then I begin doing my mental compulsion. If we slide something in there, that's what mindfulness does go, “Oh, there it is again. Oh, I'm doing it.” Even if you can't sustain that, you've just modified for a few moments, the pattern that you've had no control over. So, that's where we want to be going. And you know how I sometimes say it is, my job is to-- as the client is to purposely choose voluntarily to go toward what scares the bejesus out of me. I don't know if you have bejesus over there in California, but in North Carolina, we got bejesus, and you got to go after it. Kimberley: I think in California, it's more of a non-kind word. Reid: Ah, yes. Okay. Well, we won't even spell it. The Moment By Moment Game  Kimberley: That's okay. So, I have questions. I have so many. When you're talking about this moment, are you talking about your way of saying the moment-by-moment game? Is that what you're talking about? Tell me about the moment-to-moment game. Reid: Sure. I'm sure people hearing this the first time would go, “Well, don't be-- you've lost rapport with me now because you called it a game.” But I've been doing this for 35 years, so it's not like I am not aware of the suffering that goes on here. The only reason to call it a game is simply to help structure our treatment approach. Kimberley: That's interesting, because I think of a game as like you're out to win. There's a score. That's what I think of when I-- Reid: That's what this is. That is actually what this is.  OCD and the 6 Moment Game  Kimberley: I don't think of it as a game like Ring A Rosie kind of stuff. I think of it as like let's pull our socks up kind of stuff. Is that what you're referring to? Reid: We've got this mental game that we are-- we've been playing this game and always losing. So, we're already engaged in it. We're just one down and on the losing end, on the victim end. So, when I talk about it as moment by moment, I want to have, like we've been talking about, this understanding of these sets of principles about what needs to happen. It wants me to do this, I'm going to do the opposite, this is paradoxical and so forth. And then we need to manifest it moment by moment. So, how do we do this? I will really talk about six moments and I'll quickly go through the first three because the first three moments are none of our business. We can't do anything about them.  So, moment #1 is just an unconscious stimulus of the obsession, and that's all. That's all it is. Moment #2 is that obsession popping up. And moment #3 is my fear reaction to the obsession because obsessions are frightening by their construct. And so, now I've got those three moments. As I'm saying, we can't do anything about those three moments. These three moments are unconsciously mediated. They are built right on into the neurology.  Now we've got in my view three more moments. So, moment #4 is really the foundation of what we do now, what we do next, which is a mindful response. And it is just stepping back in the moment. Suddenly the obsession comes up and I'm anxious and I'm worried about it and I'm having the urge to do the compulsion. And what I want to train myself to do, which can take a little time sometimes, is when I hear my obsession pop up. The way I just described it right there is already a stepping back. When I recognize that I've started to obsess and sometimes it takes a while to even recognize it, I want to step back in that moment and just name it. They have that expression, “Name it to tame it.” So, it's the start of that. So, I'm stepping back in that moment going, “Oh, I'm doing it again,” or, “Oh, there it is.” Now, the way I think about it, if I can do that and just step back and name it, I just won that moment because I just inserted myself. I insinuated myself into the pattern. OCD doesn't want you anywhere near this at this moment. It doesn't want you to be labeling the obsession an obsession. It wants you to be naming the fearful topic of it. So, I'm going to step back in that moment. And if I can accomplish that, great, I've won that moment.  If I can go further in that moment, of course, in the end, we want to be able to do that, moment #5 is taking the position of, “I'm treating this as nothing. There is my obsession. I'm treating it as nothing.” And there's all kinds of things you can say to yourself that represent that. “This is none of my business. Oh, there it is trying to go after me. Not playing. I'm not playing this game.” Because it really is a game that the disorder has created. And what we're saying is, “Look, I'm not playing your game anymore. I'm playing my game. And this is what my game looks like.” I'm going to notice it when it pops up, the obsession and the urge to do my compulsion, and I'm going to go, “Not playing,” whatever way I say it.  And then moment #6, and this is a controversial moment for others. Moment #6, I'm going to turn away from it. I'm going to just redirect my attention, because this is nothing, but it's drawing my attention. I'm going to treat it as nothing by engaging in some other thought or action that I can find. And even if I can refocus my attention for eight seconds, even if it pops right back up again like, “Where are you going? This is important. You need to pay attention to it,” even if I turn away for eight seconds, I've won that moment because I'm no longer responding to this over here.  Now, why I say this is controversial for some folks is it sounds like distraction. It sounds like, “Oh, you're not doing exposure. You're just telling the person to distract themselves. And that's opposite of what we want to be doing.” I don't see it that way.  Kimberley: No, I don't either. I think it's healthy to engage in life.  Reid: And if we think about, what we're really trying to do is to sit with a generic sense of uncertainty, then this allows us to do it because, in essence, the obsession is a kind of question that is urging you to answer. And when you turn away, engage in something else, you are leaving that question on the table. And that is exposure to pure uncertainty. I just feel like in our field, in exposure, we're doing so much to ask people to expose themselves to the specifics and drill down about that as a way to change neurology. And we know that's really the gold standard based on all the research that has been done. But I think it really adds a degree of distress focusing on that specific that maybe we can circumvent.  Kimberley: Do you see a place for the exposure in some settings? I mean, you're talking about being aggressive with it. Does that ever involve, like you said, staring your fear in the face purposely? Reid: Well, yeah. And how do you do that? Well, what you do is you either structure or spontaneously step into circumstances that would tend to provoke the obsession. So, do something that I've been avoiding for fear that thought is going to come up or anything that I have been blocking or avoiding out of fear of having the obsession or anything that tends to provoke the obsession. I want to step into those scenes. So, step into the scene, but the next move isn't like, “Okay, come on obsessions. I need to have an obsession now.” No. If you step into the scene that typically you have an obsession with and you don't have the obsession, well, that's cool. That's fine. That's progress. That's great. Now you got to find something else to step into it with. However, most people with thinking rituals, it goes on most of the day anyway. So, we're going to have a naturalistic exposure just living the day.  Kimberley: The day is the exposure. Reid: And for people who are structuring it and you know you're about to step into a scene where you have the obsession, you can, in that way, be prepared to remind yourself, cue yourself ahead of time what your intention is. The more difficult practice is moving through your day and then getting caught by it. So, you get caught by it and then you start digging to fix the content and it takes a little more time to go, “Oh, I'm doing it again.” We're doing exposure. This is exposure. You have to do exposure. I'm just saying that there's a different way to do it instead of sitting down and conjuring up the obsession in order to sit with the distress of the specific. Kimberley: I'm going to ask you a question that I haven't asked the others, just because it's coming up specifically for me. Some clients or some of my therapist clients have reported, “Okay, we're doing good. We're doing good. We're not doing the mental compulsion.” And the obsession keeps popping up. “Come on, just a little. Come on, let's just work it out.” And they go, “No, no, no, not engaging in you.” And then it comes back up. “No, no, no, not engaging in you.” And much of the time is spent saying, “Not today, not today,” or whatever terminology. And then they become concerned that instead of doing mental compulsions, they're just spending the whole time saying, “Not today, not today.” And they're getting concerned. That's becoming compulsive as well. So, what would you say? Are you feeling like that's a great technique? Where would you intervene if not? Reid: Well, I think it's fine if it is working like we're describing it, which is not today, turning away, engaging in something else. So, we've got to be careful around this “not today” thing if you forget to do-- Kimberley: The thing Reid: Moment #6, which is find something else to be engaged in. Then you're going to be-- it's almost, again, you're trying to neutralize, “Oh, this is nothing.” So, we want to make sure that we really complete the whole process around that. And the other way that we-- again, mindfulness and acceptance, the way we can get to it is we have the expression of front burner and back burner. So, we want to take the obsessiveness and the urges and just move them to the back burner, which means they can sit there, they can try to distract you, they can try to pull your attention. So, here you are at work and you're really trying to do right by the disorder, but you're trying to work, and it's still coming over here trying to get to you. You're going to be a little distracted. You're not going to be performing your work quite as well as you would if your mind were clear. And that is the risk that you need to take. That is the price that you need to pay. And that's why you need to have that determination and that perspective to be able to say, “Geez, this is hard. This is what I need to be doing.” You have to talk to yourself. You have to. We talk to ourselves all day long. This is thinking, thinking, thinking. So, we know people with thinking rituals are talking about the urges and so forth. And we've got to redirect how we talk about it in the moment. Kimberley: Okay. So good. What I really want to hear about is your ideas around rules.  Reid: Sure. And again, nobody seems to talk about rules. I'm a very big component or a proponent of rules. And here's one reason. What are thinking rituals all about? It's all about thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking. What do we need to do in the treatment strategy? Well, first off, the disorder is compelling me to fill my mind with thoughts in order to feel safe. I need to come up with a strategy and tactics that reduce my thinking. Then if I don't reduce my thinking, I'm not going to get stronger. One of the ways to reduce my thinking is to say, “I don't need to think about this anymore. I've already figured out what I need to do.” So, during no problem times, during therapeutic times, whether you're sitting with your therapist or figuring this out on your own, you come up with literally what we've been talking about, “What I need to do when an obsession takes place? And then here's what I'm going to do next.” Kimberley: So, you're making decision-- Reid: I'm going to turn my attention. I'm sorry, go ahead. Make Decisions Ahead of Time Kimberley: Sorry. You're making decisions ahead of time. Is that what you mean? Reid: Absolutely. You're making decisions. This is rules of engagement. So, we're not talking about having to get really specific moment by moment. We're talking about thinking rituals. So, it's rules of engagement. Well, simply put, initially, the rule of engagement has to do with those six moments we talked about, which is, okay, when this pops up, this is how I'm going to respond to it. So, we want to have that. All that we've talked about decide that ahead of time. And then as I would say, lock it down, lock it down. And now the part of you who is victim to the disorder, when the obsessiveness starts again, when the urge to do the compulsion starts again, I want to have all of me stand behind the rules, because if we don't have predetermined rules, what is going to run the day? What's going to win the day? What's going to win the day in the moment is the disorder shows up. The victim side, the victim to the disorder is also going to show up and it's going to say, those rules that I was talking about before, “This seems like a bad idea. I don't think in this circumstance that's the right thing to do.” So, if we don't lock it down and we don't have a hierarchy, which is, what I was saying, we're not killing off the side of us that gets obsessive and is being controlled by the disorder. But we are elevating the therapeutic voice, “I'll do that again with my hands.”  This is a zero-sum game. So, if I bring my attention to what I've declared what I need to do now, then by default, my attention toward that messages of my threatened self are going to diminish. And this is what I've been talking about with you around determination. You have to be so determined, because it's so tantalizing. Even if they say this isn't going to take me very long to complete this mental ritual, and then it'll be off my plate, and I won't have to be scared about the outcome of not doing this, why wouldn't I do that? So, that's what we're really competing against in those moments of engagement. Thinking Strategically Kimberley: Right. So good. I'm so grateful for what you're sharing. Okay. I want to really quickly touch on, and I think you have, but I want to make sure I'm really clear in terms of thinking strategically. It sounds like everything you just said is a part of that thinking strategic model. I love the idea that you come into the day, having made your decisions upfront with the rules. You've got a plan, you know the steps in the moment. Thinking strategically, tell me if that's what that is or if there's something we've got to add to it. Reid: Yeah. So, yes, all that you just said is that, that we're understanding the principles of treatment based on the principles of what the disorder has intended for us. And then we're trying to manifest those principles in, how do we act in the moment? How do we engage in that in the moment? The other thing we want to think about in terms of how I think about strategic treatment is we're looking for the pattern and messing with the pattern. So, I talked earlier about postponing. We insert postponing into the pattern. It's much easier to add something to a pattern than to try to pull something away. So, if we add postponing or add that beat where I go, “Oh, there's my obsession,” now we're starting to mess with the pattern. I'll give you a couple of-- these are really tactics. Let me tell you about a couple of others and these seem surprisingly ridiculous. Okay, maybe not surprisingly ridiculous.  Kimberley: Appropriately ridiculous.  Reid: I'm sure you experience this. I experience a lot where people go, “Look, I'd love to do what you're saying, but these obsessions are just pounding away at me all day long. I can't interrupt them. I can't do it.” What I would like people to be focused on is, what can we do to make keeping the ritual, keeping the obsession more difficult than letting it go? So, we talked about postponing. That doesn't quite do what I'm saying right now. One of the things I'll have people do is to sing it. I know, and I'm not going to demonstrate. Kimberley: Please. I will.  Reid: And here's what you do. If I can't stop my obsessions, I can't park them, then when I notice – there's moment #4 – when I notice my obsessions-- and we can do this in a time-limited-- I'm a cognitive therapist, so we do behavioral experiment. So, we can just do an experiment. We can go, “Okay, for the next three days, three weeks, three hours, whatever we decide, anytime I notice the obsession coming up, instead of saying it urgently and anxiously in my mind, I must sing it.” It just means lilting my voice. “Oh my gosh, how am I ever going to get through this? I don't count the tiles on the ceiling. I'm not sure I can really handle what's going to happen next. Oh my gosh, I feel so anxious about--” you see why I don't demonstrate. Kimberley: Encore, encore. Reid: SO, it's just lilting the voice like that. A couple of things are going on. One is obviously we're disrupting the pattern. But just as important, who in their right mind, having a thought that is threatening, would sing it? So, simply by singing my obsession instead of stating it, I'm degrading the content, I'm degrading the topic. And so, that's why I would do it. And again, that's what we were saying. You got to lock it down. You got to go signal versus noise. This is noise. It's acceptable to me to be doing this. This is very difficult. With such a short period of time, I don't drill that home as much as I might. This is really, really hard, but it is an intervention. So, singing it is one thing that I will sometimes have some people do. And the other one is to write it down. And this means literally carrying a notepad with you and a pen throughout your day. And anytime your obsession starts to pop up, you pull that notepad out and you start writing your obsession. And I'm not saying put it in an organized paragraph fashion or a bulleted list or anything like that. We're talking about stenographer in the courtroom. I want to, in that moment, when I start obsessing, to step back, pull out my notepad, because I said for the next three days, I'm going to do this, and then I'm going to write every single thing that's popping up in my mind.  Kimberley: So, it'd be like, “What if you want to kill her? You might want to kill her. There's a knife. I noticed a knife. Do I want to kill her with a knife? Am I a bad person?” Reid: Oh, it's harder than that. It's harder than that, Kimberley, because you're not only saying, “Do I want to kill her? There's the knife. Oh, what did I just say?” Now I got to write, “Oh, what did I just say? Oh, the knife. Oh, the knife. Do I want to kill her with the knife?” So, every utterance, we're not saying every utterance. And so, there's going to be a message of, “Did I just say that right? Now I can't remember what I said. Damn it, damn it.” All of that. Now, again, a couple of things are happening. I'm changing modes of communication. The disorder wants me to do this by thinking. You and I know, you can have an obsessive thought a thousand times in a day. You can't write it a thousand times. So, now we're switching from the mode of communication that serves the disorder to a mode of communication that disrupts it. And if I really commit myself to writing this, after a while, now I'm at a choice point. Now when obsession pops up later and I go, “Oh, I'm obsessing again. Well, I can either start writing it,” or “Maybe I can just let it go right now because I don't want to write it. It's just so much work. Okay, let me go distract myself.” So, all of a sudden, we've done exposure and response prevention without the struggle, because I don't want to do what I have agreed to do locked down, which is write this.  So, it empowers. Writing it, just like singing it, empowers me to release it, especially people with thinking rituals. The whole idea of using postponing around the rituals, singing the obsession if I need to, writing down the obsession as tactics to help break things up, and then just keep coming back to what's our intention here. This is a mental health disorder. I keep getting sucked into the topic. I don't think I can-- here's I guess the last thing I would say on my end is, this is it, which is, I don't know if this is going to work. I don't know how painful whatever is coming next is going to be by not doing my ritual. I am going to have faith. I mean, this is what happens. You have to have faith and a belief in something and someone outside of your mind, because your mind is contaminated and controlled by the disorder. You can't keep going up into your thinking and try to figure out how to get out of this wet paper bag. You're just not-- you can't. So, you got to have faith and trust. And that's a giant leap too. Because initially, when we do treatment with people, however we do it, they've got to be doing something they don't know is going to be helpful.  When people start doing the singing thing or the writing down thing, for instance, after a while, they go, “Wow, that really worked. Okay, I'm going to do that some more.” And that's what we need. Initially, you just have to have faith and experiment. That's why we like to do short experiments. I don't say, “Hey, do this over the next 12 weeks and you'll get better.” I go, “Look, I know you think this over here, I'm thinking it's this over here. How about we structure something for the next X number of minutes, hours, days, and just see what you notice if you can feel like you can afford to do that.”  Kimberley: So good. I've just got one question and then I'm going to let you go. I'm going to first ask my question and then I want you to explain, tell us about your course. When you sing the song, I usually have my staff sing it to a song they know, like Happy Birthday or Auld Lang Syne, whatever it may be. You are saying just up and down, “No, no, no,” that kind of thing. Is there a reason for that? Reid: Well, I don't want people to have to make a rhyme. I don't want them to have to-- Kimberley: It's just for the sake of it. Reid: I'm totally fine with what you're saying. Okay, I'm going to-- you can figure it out. It's like going, “Okay, anytime I hear my obsession come up, I'm going to make my obsession the voice of Minnie Mouse. So, I'm going to degrade it by having to be a little mouse on my shoulder, anything to degrade it.” If you've got to set little songs or you ask your client what they would put it to, then yeah. And then in the session, we're talking about the therapist, demonstrate it and have them practice it with you in order to get it. Kimberley: Right. I've even had clients who are good at accents, like do it in different accents. They bring out-- Reid: You've got a good one. You're really practicing that Australian accent. Kimberley: Very. I practiced for many years to get this one. All right. You talk about the six-moment game. I've had the joy of having taken that course. Can you tell us if that's what you want to tell us about, about where people can hear about you and all the good stuff you've got? Reid: Sure. Well, I would start with just saying anxieties.com. It's anxieties, plural, .com. And that's my website, a free website. It's got every anxiety disorder and OCD. You've got written instruction around how to do some of the work that we're talking about. And then I've got tons of free video clips that people can watch and learn a bunch of stuff. I laid out, in the last two years, a four-hour course, and I filmed it. And so, it is online now. I take people all the way through what I call OCD & the 6-Moment Game: Strategies and Tactics, because I want to empower people in that way. So, I talk about all the stuff that you and I are rushing over right now. It's got a full written transcript as an eBook, a PDF eBook. I've got a workbook that lets people figure out how to do these practices on their own. All of that. In fact, you can get-- I can't say how to get it at this moment. Maybe you can post something, I don't know. But I will give anybody the workbook, that's 37 pages, and it takes you through a bunch of stuff. No cost to you, send it to anybody else you want.  So, I feel like that, first off, we don't have enough mental health professionals to treat the people with mental health disorders in this world today. And so, we need to find delivery systems. That will help reach more people. And I believe in Stepped Care. And Stepped Care is a protocol, both in physical medicine and in mental health, which says that first step of Stepped Care and treatment is self-help. And I call it self-help treatment, because the first step is relatively inexpensive, empowering the patient or the client, and giving them directions about how to get stronger. And a certain percentage of people, that will be enough for them. And so, all of us who have written self-help books and so forth, that's our intention. And now, I'm trying to go one step beyond self-help books to be able to have video that gives people more in-depth.  What I want is for that first step, the principles that are in that first step, go up to the next step. So, if a self-help course or a book or whatever is not sufficient to finish the work, then you go up one level to maybe a self-help group or a therapeutic group and work further there. And if you can't complete your work, then go up the next step, which is individual treatment, the next step, which is intensive outpatient treatment, the next step, mixture medications, and so forth. And so, if we can carry a set of principles up, then everybody's on the same page and you're not starting all over again. So, I focus on step one. I'm a simple guy. Kimberley: I'm focused on step one too, which is what you're doing with me right now, which makes me so happy. I'm so grateful for you for so many reasons. Reid: Well, I'm happy to be doing this, spending time with you. It's great. And trying to figure out how to deliver the information concisely. It's still a work in progress. Thank you for giving me an opportunity. Kimberley: No, thank you. I've loved hearing about all of these major points of your work. I'm so grateful for you. So, thank you so much for coming on again. I didn't have a coughing fit during this episode like I did the last one. Reid: Nothing to make fun of you about. Kimberley: Thank you so much, Reid. You're just the best. Reid: Well, great constructing this whole thing. This is what I'm talking about too, is to have a series of us that eventually everybody will see and work their way down and get all these different positions and opinions from people who already do this work. And so, that's great. You have a choice, so that's great. Kimberley: Love it. Thank you. Reid: Okay. Talk again sometime.

Early on in life, Reid Wilson concluded from his parents' disintegrating marriage that happiness and financial success did not necessarily go hand-in-hand. What followed was an intense personal journey that ended in self-acceptance, forgiveness, and the reconciliation of a family. On this episode of Ascendants, Reid details his lifestyle experiment of extreme giving and self-denial (and how this was an expression of self-hatred), the “superpowers” he inherited from his parents, and the moment of silent prayer that sparked a revelation.

SUMMARY:  In this weeks podcast, we have my dearest friend Shala Nicely talking about how she manages mental compulsions.  In this episode, Shala shares her lived experience with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and how she overcomes mental rituals. In This Episode: How to reduce mental compulsions for OCD and GAD. How to use Flooding Techniques with Mental Compulsions Magical Thinking and Mental Compulsions BDD and Mental Compulsions Links To Things I Talk About: Shalanicely.com Book: Is Fred in the Refridgerator? Book: Everyday Mindfulness for OCD ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com.  CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors.  Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 284. Welcome back, everybody. We are on the third video or the third part of this six-part series on how to manage mental compulsions. Last week's episode with Jon Hershfield was bomb, like so good. And I will say that we, this week, have Shala Nicely, and she goes for it as well. So, I am so honored to have these amazing experts talking about mental compulsions, talking about what specific tools they use.  So, I'm not going to take too much time of the intro this time, because I know you just want to get to the content. Again, I just want to put a disclaimer. This should not replace professional mental health care. This series is for educational purposes only. My job at CBT School is to give you as much education as I can, knowing that you may or may not have access to care or treatment in your own home. So, I'm hoping that this fills in a gap that maybe we've missed in the past in terms of we have ERP School, that's an online course teaching you everything about ERP to get you started if you're doing that on your own. But this is a bigger topic. This is an area that I'd need to make a complete new course. But instead of making a course, I'm bringing these experts to you for free, hopefully giving you the tools that you need.  If you're wanting additional information about ERP School, please go to CBTSchool.com. With that being said, let's go straight over to this episode with Shala Nicely.  Kimberley: Welcome, Shala. I am so happy to have you here. Shala: I am so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. Kimberley: Okay. So, I have heard a little bit of your views on this, but I am actually so excited now to get into the juicy details of how you address mental compulsions or mental rituals. First, I want to check in with you, do you call them mental compulsions, rituals, rumination? How do you address them? Shala: Yeah. All those things. I also sometimes call it mental gymnastics up in your head, it's all sorts of things you're doing in your head to try to get some relief from anxiety. Kimberley: Right. So, if you had a patient or a client who really was struggling with mental compulsions, whether or not they were doing other compulsions as well, how might you address that particular part of their symptomology? Shala: So, let me answer that by stepping back a little bit and telling you about my own experience with this, because a lot of the way I do it is based on what I learned, trying to manage my own mental rituals. I've had OCD probably since I was five or six, untreated until I was 39. Stumbled upon the right treatment when I went to the IOCDF Conference and started doing exposure mostly on my own. I went to Reid Wilson's two-day group, where I learned how to do it. But the rest of the time, I was implementing on my own. And even though I had quite a few physical compulsions, I would've considered myself a primary mental ritualizer, meaning if we look at the majority, my compulsions were up in my head. And the way I think about this is I think that sometimes if you have OCD for long enough, and you've got to go out and keep functioning in the world and you can't do all these rituals so that people could see, because then people will be like, “What's wrong with you? What are you doing?” you take them inward. And some mental compulsions can take the place of physical compulsions that you're not able to do for whatever reason because you're trying to function. And I'd had untreated OCD for so long that most of my rituals were up in my head, not all, but the great majority of them.  Exposure & Response Prevention for Mental Compulsions So, when I started to do exposure, what I found was I could do exposure therapy, straight up going and facing my fears, like going and being around things that might be triggering all I wanted, but I wasn't necessarily getting better because I wasn't addressing the mental rituals. So, basically, I'm doing exposure without response prevention or exposure with partial response prevention, which can make things either worse or just neutralize your efforts. So, what I did was I figured out how to be in the presence of triggers and not be up in my head, trying to do analyzing, justifying, figuring it out, replaying the situation with a different ending, all the sorts of things that I would do over and over in my head. And the way I did this was I took something I learned from Jonathan Grayson and his book, Freedom From OCD. I know you're having him on for this series too. And he talked about doing all this ERP scripting, where you basically write out the worst-case scenario, what you think your OCD thinks is going to happen and you write it in either a worst-case way or an uncertainty-focused way. And what I did was after reading his book, I took that concept and I just shortened it down, and anything that my OCD was afraid of, I would just wrap may or may not surround it.  So, for instance, an example that I use in Is Fred in the Refrigerator?, my memoir, Taming OCD and Reclaiming My Life was that I used to-- when I was walking through stores like Target, if I saw one of those little plastic price tags that had fallen on the ground, if I didn't pick it up and put it out of harm's way, I was afraid somebody was going to slip and fall and break their neck. And it would be on some security camera that I just walked on past it and didn't do anything. So, a typical scrupulosity obsession. And so, going shopping was really hard because I'm cleaning up the store as I'm shopping. And so, what I would do is I would either go to Target, walk past the price tag. And then as I'm just passing the price tag, I would say things. And in Target, I obviously couldn't do this really out loud, mumble it out loud as best, but I may or may not cause somebody to kill themselves by they're going to slip and fall on that price tag because I didn't pick it up. I may or may not be an awful, terrible rotten human being. They may or may not catch me and throw me into jail. I may or may not rot in prison. People may or may not find out what a really bad person I really am. This may or may not be OCD, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.  And that would allow me to be present with the obsessions, all the what-ifs – those are basically what-ifs turned into ‘may or may nots' – without compulsing with them, without doing anything that would artificially lower my anxiety. So, it allowed me to be in the presence of those obsessive thoughts while interrupting the pattern of the mental rituals. And that's really how I use ‘may or may nots' and how I teach my clients to use ‘may or may nots' today is using them to really be mindfully present of what the OCD is worried about while not interacting with that content in a way that's going to make things worse. So, that's how I developed it for myself. And I think that-- and that is a tool that I would say is an intermediary tool. So, I use that now in my own recovery. I don't have to use 'may or may nots'. It's very often at all. If I get super triggered, which doesn't happen too terribly often, but if I get super triggered and I cannot get out of my head, I'll use 'may or may nots'.  But I think the continuum is that you try to do something to interrupt the mental rituals, which for me is the 'may or may nots'. You can also-- people can write down the scripts, they can do a worst-case scenario. But eventually, what you're trying to get to is you're trying to be able to hear the OCD, what-ifs in your head and completely ignore it. And I call that my shoulders back, the way of thinking about things. Just put your shoulders back and you move on with your day. You don't acknowledge it.  What I'll do with clients, I'll say, “If you had the thought of Blue Martian is going to land on my head, I mean, you wouldn't even do anything with that thought. That thought would just go in and go out and wouldn't get any of your attention.” That's the way we want to treat OCD, is just thoughts can be there. I'm not going to say, “Oh, that's my OCD.” I'm not going to say, “OCD, I'm not talking to you.” I'm not going to acknowledge it at all. I'm just going to treat it like any other weird thought that we have during the day and move on.  Your question was, how would you help somebody who comes in with mental rituals? Well, first, I want to understand where are they in their OCD recovery? How long have they been doing these mental rituals? What percentage of their compulsions are mental versus physical? What are the kind of things that their OCD is afraid of? Basically, make a list or a hierarchy of everything they're afraid of. And then we start working on exposure therapy. And when I have them do exposures, the first exposure I do with people, we'll find something that's-- I start in the middle of the hierarchy. You don't have to, but I try. And I will have them face the fear. But then I'll immediately ask them, what is your OCD saying right now? And they'll tell me, and I'll say, “I want you to repeat after me.” I have them do this, and everyone that I see hates this, but I have them do it. Standing up with their shoulders back like Wonder Woman, because this type of power pose helps them. It changes the chemistry of your body and helps you feel more powerful.  OCD thinks it's very powerful. So, I want my clients to feel as powerful as they can. So, I have them stand like Wonder Woman and they repeat after me. Somebody could-- let's just say we are standing near something red on the floor. And I'll say, “Well, what is your OCD saying right now?” And they'll say, “Well, that's blood and it could have AIDS in it, and I'm going to get sick.” I'll say, “Well, that may or may not be a spot of blood on the floor. I may or may not get sick and I may or may not get AIDS, but I want to do this. I'm going to stay here. OCD, I want to be anxious, so bring it on.”  And that's how we do the exposure, is I ask them what's in their head. I have them repeat it to me until they understand what the process is. And then I'm having them be in the presence of this and just script, script, script away. That's what I call it scripting, so that they are in the presence of whatever's bothering them, but they're not up in their head. And anytime something comes in their head, I teach them to pull it down into the script. Never let something be circulating in your head without saying it out loud and pulling it into the script.  I will work on this technique with clients as we're working on exposures, because eventually what we'll want to do is instead of going all over the place, “That may or may not be blood, I may or may not get AIDS, I may or may not get sick,” I'll say, “Okay, of all the things you've just said, what does your OCD-- what is your OCD scared of the most? Let's focus on that.” And so, “I may or may not get AIDS. I may or may not get AIDS. I may or may not have HIV. I may or may not get AIDS,” over again until people start to say, “Oh, okay. I guess I don't have any control over this,” because what we're trying to do is help the OCD habituate to the uncertainty. Habituate, I know that'd be a confusing word. You don't have to habituate in order for exposure to work due to the theory of inhibitory learning, but we're trying to help your brain get used to the uncertainty here. Kimberley: And break into a different cycle instead of doing the old rumination cycle.  Shala: Yes. And so then, I'll teach people to just find their scariest fear. They say that over and over and over again. Then let's hit the next one. “Well, my family may or may not survive if I die because if I get a fatal disease and I die and my family may or may not be left destitute,” and then over and over. “My family may or may not be left destitute. My family may or may not be left destitute, whatever,” until we're hitting all the things that could be circulating in your head.  Now, some people really don't need to do that scripting because they're not up in their head that much. But that's the minority of people. I think most people with OCD are doing something in their head. And a lot of people aren't aware of what they're doing because these mental rituals are incredibly subtle at times. And so, as people, as my clients go out and work on these exposures, I'll have them tell me how it's going. I have people fill out forms on my website each day as they're doing exposures so I can see what's going on. And if they're not really up in their head and they don't really need to do the ‘may or may nots', great. That's better. In fact, just go do the exposure and go on with your life. If they're up in their head, then I have them do the 'may or may nots'. And so, that's how I would start with somebody.  And so, what I'm trying to do is I'm giving them what I call a bridge tool. Because people who have been mental ritualizing for a long time, I have found it's virtually impossible to just stop because that's what your mind is used to doing. And so, what I'm doing is I'm giving them a competing response. And I'm saying here, instead of mental ritualizing, I'd like you to say a bunch of 'may or may nots' statements while standing up and say them out loud while looking like Wonder Woman. Everybody rolls their eyes like, “Really?” But that's what we do as a bridge tool. And so, they've lifted enough mental weights, so to speak, with this technique that they can hear the OCD and start to disengage and not interact with it at all. Then we move to that technique. Flooding Techniques for Mental Rumination Kimberley: Is there a reason why-- and for some of the listeners, they may have learned this before, but is there a reason why you use 'may or may nots' instead of worst-case scenarios? Shala: For me, for my personal OCD recovery journey, what I found with worst-case scenario is I got too lost in the content. I remember doing-- I had had a mammogram, it had come back with some abnormal findings. I spent the whole weekend trying to do scripting about what could happen, and I was using worst-case scenario. Well, I end up in the hospital, I end up with breast cancer, I end up dead. And by the end of the weekend, I was completely demoralized. And I'm like, “Well, I don't bother because I'm going to be dead, because I have breast cancer.” That's where my mind took it because I've had OCD long enough that if I get a really scary and I start and I play around in the content, I'm going to start losing insight and I'm going to start doing depression as a compulsion, which is the blog we did talk about, where you start acting depressed because you're believing what the OCD says like, “Oh, well, I might as well just give up, I have breast cancer,” and then becoming depressed, and then acting like it's true. And then that's reinforcing the whole cycle.  So, for me, worst-case scenario scripting made things worse. So, when I stayed in the uncertainty realm, the ‘may or may nots' that helped because I was trying to help my brain understand, “Well, I may or may not have breast cancer. And if I do, I mean, I'll go to the doctor, I'll do what I need to do, but there's nothing I can do about it right now in my head other than what I'm doing.” Some people like worst-case scenario and it works fine for them. And I think that works too. I mostly use 'may or may nots' with clients unless they are unable through numbing that they might be doing. If they're unable to actually feel what they're saying, because they're used to turning it over in their head and pulling the anxiety down officially, and so I can't get a rise out of the OCD because there's a lot of really little subtle mental compulsions going on, then I'll insert some worst-case scenario to get the anxiety level up, to help them really feel the fear, and then pull back into 'may or may nots'. But there's nothing wrong with worst-case scenario. But for me, that was what happened. And I think if you are prone to depression, if you're prone to losing insight into your OCD when you've got a really big one, I think that's a risk factor for using that particular type of scripting.  Magical Thinking and Mental Compulsions  Kimberley: Right. And I found that they may or may not have worked just as well, except the one thing, and I'm actually curious on your opinion on this and I have not had this conversation, is I find that people who have a lot of magical thinking benefit by worst-case scenario, like their jinxing compulsions and so forth, like the fear of saying it means it will happen. So, saying the worst-case is the best exposure. Is that true for you? Shala: I have not had to use it much on my own magically. I certainly had a lot of magical thinking. Like, if I don't hit this green light, then somebody's going to die. But I think the worst-case scenario, I could actually work well in that, because if you use the worst-case scenario, it can make it seem so ridiculous that it helps people let go of it more easily. And I think you can do that with 'may or may nots' too. I'll try to encourage people to use the creativity that they have because everybody with OCD has a ton of creativity. And we know that because the OCD shares your brain and it's certainly the creative stuff And to one-up the OCD, you use the scripting to be like, “Gosh, I may or may not get some drug-disease and give it to my entire neighborhood. I may or may not kill off an entire section of my county. We may or may not infect the entire state of Georgia. The entire United States may or may not blow up because I got this one disease. So, they may or may not have to eject me off the earth and make me live on Mars because I'm such a bad person.” This ‘may or may not' is in all this crazy stuff too, because that's how to win, is to one up the OCD. It thinks that's scary, let's go even scarier. But the scary you get, it also gets a little bit ridiculous after a while. And then the whole thing seems to be a little bit ridiculous. So, I think you can still use that worst-case stuff with may or may not. Kimberley: Right. Okay. So, I mean, I will always sort of-- I know you really well. I've always held you so high in my mind in just how resilient and strong you are in doing this. How might you, or how do you help people who feel completely powerless at even addressing this? For you to say it, it sounds very like you're just doing it and it's so powerful. But for those who are really struggling with this idea of like, you said, coming out of your head, can you speak to how you address that in session if someone's really struggling to engage in 'may or may nots' and so forth? Shala: Yeah. Well, thank you for the kind words, first off. I think that it's really common for people with OCD by the time they get to a therapist to feel completely demoralized, especially if they've been to multiple therapists before they get to somebody who does ERP. And so, they feel like they're the victim at the hands of a very cruel abuser that they can't get away from. And so, they feel beaten down and they don't know how to get out of their heads. They feel like they're trapped in this mental prison. They can't get out. And if somebody is struggling like that, and they're doing the 'may or may nots' and the OCD is reacting, which of course, it will, and coming back at them stronger, which I always warn people, this is going to happen. When you start poking at this, the OCD is going to poke back and poke back even harder, because it wants to get you back in line so it can keep you prisoner.  So, what I'll often do in those situations, if I see somebody is really feeling like they have been so victimized, that they're never going to be able to get over this, is the type of script I have them do is more of an empowerment script, which could sound like this: “OCD, I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm not doing what you want. I am strong. I can do this.” And I might add some 'may or may nots' in there. “And I want to be anxious. Come on, bring it on. You think that's scary? Give me something else.”  I know you're having Reid Wilson on as part of this too. I learned all that “bring it on” type stuff and pushing for the anxiety from him. And I think helping people say that out loud can be really transformative. I've seen people just completely break down in tears of sort of, “Oh my gosh, I could do this,” like tears of empowerment from standing up and yelling at their OCD.  If people like swearing, I also just have them swear at it, like they would really swear at somebody who had been abusing them if they had a chance, because swearing actually can make you feel more powerful too, and I want to use all the tools we can. So, I think scripting comes in a number of forms. It's all about really taking what's in your head, turning it into a helpful self-talk and saying it out loud. And the reason out loud is important for any type of scripting is that if you're saying it in your head, it's going to get mixed up with all the jumble of mental ruminating that's going on. And saying it out loud makes it hard for you to ruminate. It's not impossible, but it's hard because you're saying it. Your brain really is only processing one thing at a time. And so, if you're talking and really paying attention to what you're saying, it's much harder to be up in your head spinning this around.  And so, adding these empowerment scripts in with the 'may or may nots' helps people both accept the uncertainty and feel like they can do this, feel like they can stand up to the OCD and say, “You've beaten me enough. No more. This is my life. I'm not letting you ruin it anymore. I am taking this back. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care what I have to do. I'm going to do this.” And that builds people up enough where they can feel like they can start approaching these exposures. Kimberley: I love that. I think that is such-- I've had that same experience of how powerful empowerment can be in switching that behavior. It's so important. Now, one thing I really want to ask you is, do you switch this method when you're dealing with other anxiety disorders – health anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder? What is your approach? Is there a difference or would you say the tools are the same? Shala: There's a slight difference between disorders. I think health anxiety, I treat exactly like OCD. Even some of the examples I gave here were really health anxiety statements. With panic disorder-- and again, I learned this from Reid and you can ask him more about this when you interview him. But with pain disorder, it's all about, I want to feel more shorter breath, more like their elephant standing on my chest. I want my heart to be faster. But I'm doing this while I'm having people do exercises that would actually create those feelings, like breathing through a little bit of cocktail straw, jogging, turning up a space heater, and blowing it on themselves. So, we're trying to create those symptoms and then talk out loud and say, “Come on, I want more of this. I want to feel more anxious. Give me the worst panic attack you've ever had.” So, it's all about amping up the symptoms.  With social anxiety, it's a little bit different because with social anxiety, I would work on the cognitions first. Whereas with OCD, we don't work on the cognitions at all, other than I want you to have a different cognitive relationship with your disorder and your anxiety. I want you to want the anxiety. I want you to want the OCD to come and bother you because that gives you an opportunity to practice. That's the cognitive work with OCD. I do not work on the cognitive work on the content. I'm not going to say to somebody, “Well, the chance you're going to get AIDS from that little spot of blood is very small.” That's not going to be helpful  With social anxiety, we're actually working on those distorted cognitions at the beginning. And so, a lot of the work with social anxiety is going to be going out and testing those new cognitions, which really turns the exposures into what we call behavioral experiments. It's more of a cognitive method. We're going out and saying, “Gosh, my new belief, instead of everybody's judging me, is, well, everybody is probably thinking about themselves and I'm going to go do some things that my social anxiety wouldn't want me to do and test out that new belief.” I might have them use that new belief, but also if their anxiety gets really high and they're having a hard time saying, “Well, that person may or may not be judging me. They may or may not be looking at me funny. They may or may not go home and tell people about me.” But really, we're trying to do something a little bit different with social anxiety. Kimberley: And what about with generalized anxiety? With the mental, a lot of rumination there, do you have a little shift in how you respond? Shala: Yeah. So, it's funny that the talk that Michelle Massi and others gave at IOCDF-- I think it was at IOCDF this year about what's the difference between OCD and GAD is they're really aligned there. I mean, I treat GAD very similarly the way I treat OCD in that people are up in their heads trying to do things. They're also doing other types of safety behaviors, compulsive safety behaviors, but a lot of people GAD are just up in their head. They're just worried about more “real-life” things. But again, a lot of OCD stuff can be real-life things. I mean, look at COVID. That was real life. And people's OCD could wrap itself around that. So, I treat GAD and OCD quite similarly. There are some differences, but in terms of scripting, we call it “worry time” in GAD. It's got a different name, but it's basically the same thing. Kimberley: Right. Okay. Thank you for answering that because I know some folks here listening will be not having OCD and will be curious to see how it affects them. So, is that the practice for you or is there anything else you feel like people need to know going in, in terms of like, “Here is my strategy, here is my plan to target mental rituals”? What would you say? Shala: So, as I mentioned, I think the 'may or may nots' are bridge tool that are always available to you throughout your entire recovery. My goal with anybody that I'm working with is to help them get to the point where they can just use shoulders back. And the way that I think about this is what I call my “man in the park” metaphor. So, we've all probably been in a park where somebody is yelling typically about the end of the world and all that stuff. And even if you were to agree with some of the things that the person might say from a spiritual or religious standpoint, you don't run home and go, “Oh my gosh, we got to pack all our things up because it's the end of the world. We have to get with all of our relatives and be together because we're all going to die.” We don't do that. We hear what this guy's saying, and then we go on with our days, again, even if you might agree with some of the content. Now, why do we do that? We do that because it's not relevant in our life. We realize that person probably, unfortunately, has some problems. But it doesn't affect us. We hear it just like when we might hear birds in the background or a car honking, and we just go on with our day. That's how we want to treat OCD. What we do when we have untreated OCD is we run up to the man in the park and we say, “Oh my gosh, can I have a pamphlet? Let me read the pamphlet. Oh my gosh, you're right. Tell me more, tell me more.” And we're interacting with him, trying to get some reassurance that maybe he's wrong, that maybe he does really mean the end of the world is coming soon. Maybe it's going to be like in a hundred years. Eventually, we get to the point where we're handing out pamphlets for him. “Here, everybody, take one of these.” What we're doing with 'may or may nots' is we're learning how to walk by the man in the park and go, “The world may or may not be ending. The world may or may not be ending. I'm not taking a pamphlet. The world may or may not be ending.” So, we're trying to not interact with him. We're trying to take what he's saying and hold it in our heads without doing something compulsive that's going to make our anxiety higher. What we're trying to do is practice that enough till we can get to the point where we can be in the park with the guy and just go on with our day. We hear him speaking, but we're really-- it's just not relevant. It's just not part of our life. So, we just move on. And we're not trying to shove him away. It's just like any other noise or sound or activity that you would just-- it doesn't even register in your consciousness. That's what we're trying to do.  Now I think another way to think about this is if you think-- say you're in an art gallery. Art galleries are quiet and there are lots of people standing around, and there's somebody in there that you don't like or who doesn't like you or whatever. You're not going to walk up to that person and tap on their shoulder and say, “Excuse me, I'm going to ignore you.” You're just going to be like, “I know that person is there. I'm just going to do what I'm doing.” And I think that's-- I use that to help people understand this transition, because we're basically going from 'may or may nots' where we're saying, “OCD, I'm not letting you do this to me anymore,” so we are being really aggressive with it, to this being able to be in the same space with it, but we're not talking to it at all because we don't need to, because we can be in the presence with the intrusive thoughts that the OCD is reacting to, just like the presence of all the other thousands of thoughts we have each day without interacting with them. Kimberley: That's so interesting. I've never thought of it that way.  Shala: And so, that's where I'm trying to get people because that is the strongest, strongest recovery, is if you can go do the things that you want to do, be in the presence of the anxiety and not do compulsions physical or mental, you don't give anything for OCD to work with. I have a whole chapter in my memoir about this after I heard Reid say at one of the conferences, “We need to act as though what OCD is saying doesn't matter.” And that was revolutionary to me to hear that. And that's what we're trying to do both physically and mentally. Because if you can have an obsession and focus on what you want to focus on, do what you want to do, you're not giving OCD anything to work with. And typically, it'll just drain away. But this takes time. I mean, it has taken me years to learn how to do this, but I went untreated for 35 years too. It may not take you years, but it may. And that's okay. It's a process. And I think if you have trouble trying to do shoulders back, man in the park, use 'may or may nots'. You can use the combination. But I think we're trying to get to the point where you can just be with the OCD and hear it flipping out and just go on with your day. OCD, BDD, and Mental Rituals  Kimberley: In your book, you talk about the different voices. There is a BDD voice and an OCD voice. Was it harder or easier depending on the voice? Was that a component for you in that-- because the words and the voice sound a little different. I know in your memoir you give them different names and so forth, which if anyone hasn't read your memoir, they need to go right now and read it. Do you have any thoughts on that in terms of the different voices or the different ways in which the disorders interact? Shala: That's a really great question because yes, I think OCD does shift its voice and shift its persona based on how scared it is. So, if it's a little bit scared, it's probably going to speak to you. It's still going to be not a very nice voice. It might be urgent and pleading. But if it's super scared, I talk about mine being like the triad of hell, how my OCD will personify into different things based on how scared it is. And if it's super scared and it's going to get super big and it's going to get super loud in your head because it's trying desperately to help you understand you've got to save it because it thinks it's in danger. That's all its content. Then I think-- and if you have trouble ignoring it because it's screaming in your head, like the man in the park comes over with his megaphone, puts it right up against your ear and starts talking, that's hard to ignore. That's hard to act like that's not relevant because it hurts. There's so much noise.  That's when you might have to use a may or may not type approach because it's just so loud, you can't ignore it, because it's so scared. And that's okay. And again, sometimes I'll have to use that. Not too terribly often just because I've spent a long time working on how to use the shoulder's back, man in the park, but if I have to use it, I use it. And so, I think your thought about how do I interact with the OCD based on how aggressive it's being also plays into this. Kimberley: I love all this. I think this is really helpful in terms of being able to be flexible. I know sometimes we want just the one rule that's going to work in all situations, but I think you're right. I think that there needs to be different approaches. And would you say it depends on the person? Do you give them some autonomy over finding what works for them, or what would you say?  Shala: Absolutely. If people are up in their heads and they don't want to use 'may or may nots', I'll try to use some other things. If I really, really think that that's what we need right now, is we need scripting, I'll try to sell them on why. But at the end of the day, it's always my client's choice and I do it differently based on every client. For some clients, it might be just more empowering statements. For some clients where it's more panicky focused, it might be more about bringing on your anxiety. Sometimes it might be pulling self-compassion in and just saying the self-compassion statements out loud. So, it really does vary by person. There's no one-size-fits-all, but I think, I feel that people need to have something to replace the mental ritualizing with at the beginning that they've been doing it for a long time, just because otherwise, it's like, I'm giving them a bicycle, they've never ridden a bicycle before and I won't give them any training wheels. And that's really, really hard. Some people can do it. I mean, some people can just be like, “Oh, I'm to stop doing that in my head? Okay, well, I'll stop doing that in my head.” But most people need something to help them bridge that gap to get to the point where they can just be in the presence with it and not be talking to it in their heads. Kimberley: Amazing. All right. Any final statements from you as we get close to the end? Shala: I think that it's important to, as you're working on this, really think about what you're doing in your head that might be subtle, that could be making the OCD worse. And I think talking and being willing to talk about this to therapists about putting it all out there, “Hey, I'm saying this to myself in my head, is that helpful or harmful?” Because OCD therapy can be pretty straightforward. I mean, ERP, go out and face your fears, don't do rituals. It sounds pretty straightforward. But there is a lot of subtlety to this. And the more that you can root out these subtle mental rituals, the better that your recovery is going to be.  And know too that if you've had untreated OCD for a long time, you can uncover mental rituals, little bitty ones, for years after you get out of therapy. And that's okay. It doesn't mean you're not in recovery. It just means that you are getting more and more insightful and educated about what OCD is. And the more that you can pick those little things out, just the better your recovery will be. But we also don't want to be perfectionistic about that like, “I must eliminate every single mental ritual that I have or I'm not going to be in a good recovery.” That's approaching your ERP like OCD would do. And we don't want to do that. But we do want to be mindful about the subtleties and make sure to try to pull out as many of those subtle things that we might be doing in our heads as possible.  Kimberley: Amazing. Thank you. Tell us-- again, first, let me just say, such helpful information. And your personal experience, I think, is really validating and helpful to hear on those little nuances. Tell us where people can hear about you and the amazing projects you've got going on. Shala: You can go to ShalaNicely.com and I have lots of free blog posts I've written on this. So, there are two blog posts, two pretty extensive blog posts on 'may or may nots'. So, if you go on my website and just search may or may not, it'll bring up two blog posts about that. If you search on shoulders back or man in the park, you'll find two blog posts on how to do that technique. I also have a blog post I wrote in the last year or so called Shower Scripting, which is how to do ERP, like just some touch-up scripting in the shower, use that time. So, I would say go to my website and you can find all sorts of free resources. I've got two books. You can find on Amazon, Everyday Mindfulness for OCD, Jon Hershfield and I co-wrote. And we talk about ‘may or may nots' and shoulders back and some of the things in there just briefly. And then my memoir, Is Fred in the Refrigerator?: Taming OCD and Reclaiming My Life, is also on Amazon or bookstores, Audible, and that kind of thing.  Kimberley: I wonder too, if we could-- I'm going to put links to all these in the show note. I remember you having a word with your OCD, a video? Shala: Oh yes, that's true. Kimberley: Can we link that too? Shala: Yes. And that one I have under my COVID resources, because I'm so glad you brought that up. When the pandemic started, my OCD did not like it, as many people who have contamination OCD can relate to. And it was pretty scary all the time. And it was making me scared all the time. And eventually, I just wrote it a letter and I'm like, “Dude, we're not doing this anymore.” And I read it out loud and I recorded it out loud so that people could hear how I was talking to it.  Kimberley: It was so powerful. Shala: Well, thank you. And it's fun to do. I think the more that you can personify your OCD, the more you can think of it as an entity that is within you but is not you, and to recognize that your relationship with it will change over time. Sometimes you're going to be compassionate with it. “Gosh, OCD, I'm so sorry,” You're scared we're doing this anyway. Sometimes you're going to be aggressive with it. Sometimes you just ignore it. And that changes as you go through therapy, it changes through your life. And I think that recognizing that it's okay to have OCD and to have this little thing, I think of like an orange ball with big feet and sunglasses is how I think about it when it's behaving – it makes it less of an adversarial relationship over time and more like I have an annoying little sibling that, gosh, it's just not going to ever not be there, but it's fine. We can live together and live in this uncertainty and be happy anyway. Kimberley: I just love it. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your experience and your knowledge. It's so wonderful. Shala: Thank you so much for having me.

SUMMARY:  In this weeks podcast, we have my dearest friend Shala Nicely talking about how she manages mental compulsions.  In this episode, Shala shares her lived experience with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and how she overcomes mental rituals. In This Episode: How to reduce mental compulsions for OCD and GAD. How to use Flooding Techniques with Mental Compulsions Magical Thinking and Mental Compulsions BDD and Mental Compulsions Links To Things I Talk About: Shalanicely.com Book: Is Fred in the Refridgerator? Book: Everyday Mindfulness for OCD ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com.  CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors.  Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 284. Welcome back, everybody. We are on the third video or the third part of this six-part series on how to manage mental compulsions. Last week's episode with Jon Hershfield was bomb, like so good. And I will say that we, this week, have Shala Nicely, and she goes for it as well. So, I am so honored to have these amazing experts talking about mental compulsions, talking about what specific tools they use.  So, I'm not going to take too much time of the intro this time, because I know you just want to get to the content. Again, I just want to put a disclaimer. This should not replace professional mental health care. This series is for educational purposes only. My job at CBT School is to give you as much education as I can, knowing that you may or may not have access to care or treatment in your own home. So, I'm hoping that this fills in a gap that maybe we've missed in the past in terms of we have ERP School, that's an online course teaching you everything about ERP to get you started if you're doing that on your own. But this is a bigger topic. This is an area that I'd need to make a complete new course. But instead of making a course, I'm bringing these experts to you for free, hopefully giving you the tools that you need.  If you're wanting additional information about ERP School, please go to CBTSchool.com. With that being said, let's go straight over to this episode with Shala Nicely.  Kimberley: Welcome, Shala. I am so happy to have you here. Shala: I am so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. Kimberley: Okay. So, I have heard a little bit of your views on this, but I am actually so excited now to get into the juicy details of how you address mental compulsions or mental rituals. First, I want to check in with you, do you call them mental compulsions, rituals, rumination? How do you address them? Shala: Yeah. All those things. I also sometimes call it mental gymnastics up in your head, it's all sorts of things you're doing in your head to try to get some relief from anxiety. Kimberley: Right. So, if you had a patient or a client who really was struggling with mental compulsions, whether or not they were doing other compulsions as well, how might you address that particular part of their symptomology? Shala: So, let me answer that by stepping back a little bit and telling you about my own experience with this, because a lot of the way I do it is based on what I learned, trying to manage my own mental rituals. I've had OCD probably since I was five or six, untreated until I was 39. Stumbled upon the right treatment when I went to the IOCDF Conference and started doing exposure mostly on my own. I went to Reid Wilson's two-day group, where I learned how to do it. But the rest of the time, I was implementing on my own. And even though I had quite a few physical compulsions, I would've considered myself a primary mental ritualizer, meaning if we look at the majority, my compulsions were up in my head. And the way I think about this is I think that sometimes if you have OCD for long enough, and you've got to go out and keep functioning in the world and you can't do all these rituals so that people could see, because then people will be like, “What's wrong with you? What are you doing?” you take them inward. And some mental compulsions can take the place of physical compulsions that you're not able to do for whatever reason because you're trying to function. And I'd had untreated OCD for so long that most of my rituals were up in my head, not all, but the great majority of them.  Exposure & Response Prevention for Mental Compulsions So, when I started to do exposure, what I found was I could do exposure therapy, straight up going and facing my fears, like going and being around things that might be triggering all I wanted, but I wasn't necessarily getting better because I wasn't addressing the mental rituals. So, basically, I'm doing exposure without response prevention or exposure with partial response prevention, which can make things either worse or just neutralize your efforts. So, what I did was I figured out how to be in the presence of triggers and not be up in my head, trying to do analyzing, justifying, figuring it out, replaying the situation with a different ending, all the sorts of things that I would do over and over in my head. And the way I did this was I took something I learned from Jonathan Grayson and his book, Freedom From OCD. I know you're having him on for this series too. And he talked about doing all this ERP scripting, where you basically write out the worst-case scenario, what you think your OCD thinks is going to happen and you write it in either a worst-case way or an uncertainty-focused way. And what I did was after reading his book, I took that concept and I just shortened it down, and anything that my OCD was afraid of, I would just wrap may or may not surround it.  So, for instance, an example that I use in Is Fred in the Refrigerator?, my memoir, Taming OCD and Reclaiming My Life was that I used to-- when I was walking through stores like Target, if I saw one of those little plastic price tags that had fallen on the ground, if I didn't pick it up and put it out of harm's way, I was afraid somebody was going to slip and fall and break their neck. And it would be on some security camera that I just walked on past it and didn't do anything. So, a typical scrupulosity obsession. And so, going shopping was really hard because I'm cleaning up the store as I'm shopping. And so, what I would do is I would either go to Target, walk past the price tag. And then as I'm just passing the price tag, I would say things. And in Target, I obviously couldn't do this really out loud, mumble it out loud as best, but I may or may not cause somebody to kill themselves by they're going to slip and fall on that price tag because I didn't pick it up. I may or may not be an awful, terrible rotten human being. They may or may not catch me and throw me into jail. I may or may not rot in prison. People may or may not find out what a really bad person I really am. This may or may not be OCD, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.  And that would allow me to be present with the obsessions, all the what-ifs – those are basically what-ifs turned into ‘may or may nots' – without compulsing with them, without doing anything that would artificially lower my anxiety. So, it allowed me to be in the presence of those obsessive thoughts while interrupting the pattern of the mental rituals. And that's really how I use ‘may or may nots' and how I teach my clients to use ‘may or may nots' today is using them to really be mindfully present of what the OCD is worried about while not interacting with that content in a way that's going to make things worse. So, that's how I developed it for myself. And I think that-- and that is a tool that I would say is an intermediary tool. So, I use that now in my own recovery. I don't have to use 'may or may nots'. It's very often at all. If I get super triggered, which doesn't happen too terribly often, but if I get super triggered and I cannot get out of my head, I'll use 'may or may nots'.  But I think the continuum is that you try to do something to interrupt the mental rituals, which for me is the 'may or may nots'. You can also-- people can write down the scripts, they can do a worst-case scenario. But eventually, what you're trying to get to is you're trying to be able to hear the OCD, what-ifs in your head and completely ignore it. And I call that my shoulders back, the way of thinking about things. Just put your shoulders back and you move on with your day. You don't acknowledge it.  What I'll do with clients, I'll say, “If you had the thought of Blue Martian is going to land on my head, I mean, you wouldn't even do anything with that thought. That thought would just go in and go out and wouldn't get any of your attention.” That's the way we want to treat OCD, is just thoughts can be there. I'm not going to say, “Oh, that's my OCD.” I'm not going to say, “OCD, I'm not talking to you.” I'm not going to acknowledge it at all. I'm just going to treat it like any other weird thought that we have during the day and move on.  Your question was, how would you help somebody who comes in with mental rituals? Well, first, I want to understand where are they in their OCD recovery? How long have they been doing these mental rituals? What percentage of their compulsions are mental versus physical? What are the kind of things that their OCD is afraid of? Basically, make a list or a hierarchy of everything they're afraid of. And then we start working on exposure therapy. And when I have them do exposures, the first exposure I do with people, we'll find something that's-- I start in the middle of the hierarchy. You don't have to, but I try. And I will have them face the fear. But then I'll immediately ask them, what is your OCD saying right now? And they'll tell me, and I'll say, “I want you to repeat after me.” I have them do this, and everyone that I see hates this, but I have them do it. Standing up with their shoulders back like Wonder Woman, because this type of power pose helps them. It changes the chemistry of your body and helps you feel more powerful.  OCD thinks it's very powerful. So, I want my clients to feel as powerful as they can. So, I have them stand like Wonder Woman and they repeat after me. Somebody could-- let's just say we are standing near something red on the floor. And I'll say, “Well, what is your OCD saying right now?” And they'll say, “Well, that's blood and it could have AIDS in it, and I'm going to get sick.” I'll say, “Well, that may or may not be a spot of blood on the floor. I may or may not get sick and I may or may not get AIDS, but I want to do this. I'm going to stay here. OCD, I want to be anxious, so bring it on.”  And that's how we do the exposure, is I ask them what's in their head. I have them repeat it to me until they understand what the process is. And then I'm having them be in the presence of this and just script, script, script away. That's what I call it scripting, so that they are in the presence of whatever's bothering them, but they're not up in their head. And anytime something comes in their head, I teach them to pull it down into the script. Never let something be circulating in your head without saying it out loud and pulling it into the script.  I will work on this technique with clients as we're working on exposures, because eventually what we'll want to do is instead of going all over the place, “That may or may not be blood, I may or may not get AIDS, I may or may not get sick,” I'll say, “Okay, of all the things you've just said, what does your OCD-- what is your OCD scared of the most? Let's focus on that.” And so, “I may or may not get AIDS. I may or may not get AIDS. I may or may not have HIV. I may or may not get AIDS,” over again until people start to say, “Oh, okay. I guess I don't have any control over this,” because what we're trying to do is help the OCD habituate to the uncertainty. Habituate, I know that'd be a confusing word. You don't have to habituate in order for exposure to work due to the theory of inhibitory learning, but we're trying to help your brain get used to the uncertainty here. Kimberley: And break into a different cycle instead of doing the old rumination cycle.  Shala: Yes. And so then, I'll teach people to just find their scariest fear. They say that over and over and over again. Then let's hit the next one. “Well, my family may or may not survive if I die because if I get a fatal disease and I die and my family may or may not be left destitute,” and then over and over. “My family may or may not be left destitute. My family may or may not be left destitute, whatever,” until we're hitting all the things that could be circulating in your head.  Now, some people really don't need to do that scripting because they're not up in their head that much. But that's the minority of people. I think most people with OCD are doing something in their head. And a lot of people aren't aware of what they're doing because these mental rituals are incredibly subtle at times. And so, as people, as my clients go out and work on these exposures, I'll have them tell me how it's going. I have people fill out forms on my website each day as they're doing exposures so I can see what's going on. And if they're not really up in their head and they don't really need to do the ‘may or may nots', great. That's better. In fact, just go do the exposure and go on with your life. If they're up in their head, then I have them do the 'may or may nots'. And so, that's how I would start with somebody.  And so, what I'm trying to do is I'm giving them what I call a bridge tool. Because people who have been mental ritualizing for a long time, I have found it's virtually impossible to just stop because that's what your mind is used to doing. And so, what I'm doing is I'm giving them a competing response. And I'm saying here, instead of mental ritualizing, I'd like you to say a bunch of 'may or may nots' statements while standing up and say them out loud while looking like Wonder Woman. Everybody rolls their eyes like, “Really?” But that's what we do as a bridge tool. And so, they've lifted enough mental weights, so to speak, with this technique that they can hear the OCD and start to disengage and not interact with it at all. Then we move to that technique. Flooding Techniques for Mental Rumination Kimberley: Is there a reason why-- and for some of the listeners, they may have learned this before, but is there a reason why you use 'may or may nots' instead of worst-case scenarios? Shala: For me, for my personal OCD recovery journey, what I found with worst-case scenario is I got too lost in the content. I remember doing-- I had had a mammogram, it had come back with some abnormal findings. I spent the whole weekend trying to do scripting about what could happen, and I was using worst-case scenario. Well, I end up in the hospital, I end up with breast cancer, I end up dead. And by the end of the weekend, I was completely demoralized. And I'm like, “Well, I don't bother because I'm going to be dead, because I have breast cancer.” That's where my mind took it because I've had OCD long enough that if I get a really scary and I start and I play around in the content, I'm going to start losing insight and I'm going to start doing depression as a compulsion, which is the blog we did talk about, where you start acting depressed because you're believing what the OCD says like, “Oh, well, I might as well just give up, I have breast cancer,” and then becoming depressed, and then acting like it's true. And then that's reinforcing the whole cycle.  So, for me, worst-case scenario scripting made things worse. So, when I stayed in the uncertainty realm, the ‘may or may nots' that helped because I was trying to help my brain understand, “Well, I may or may not have breast cancer. And if I do, I mean, I'll go to the doctor, I'll do what I need to do, but there's nothing I can do about it right now in my head other than what I'm doing.” Some people like worst-case scenario and it works fine for them. And I think that works too. I mostly use 'may or may nots' with clients unless they are unable through numbing that they might be doing. If they're unable to actually feel what they're saying, because they're used to turning it over in their head and pulling the anxiety down officially, and so I can't get a rise out of the OCD because there's a lot of really little subtle mental compulsions going on, then I'll insert some worst-case scenario to get the anxiety level up, to help them really feel the fear, and then pull back into 'may or may nots'. But there's nothing wrong with worst-case scenario. But for me, that was what happened. And I think if you are prone to depression, if you're prone to losing insight into your OCD when you've got a really big one, I think that's a risk factor for using that particular type of scripting.  Magical Thinking and Mental Compulsions  Kimberley: Right. And I found that they may or may not have worked just as well, except the one thing, and I'm actually curious on your opinion on this and I have not had this conversation, is I find that people who have a lot of magical thinking benefit by worst-case scenario, like their jinxing compulsions and so forth, like the fear of saying it means it will happen. So, saying the worst-case is the best exposure. Is that true for you? Shala: I have not had to use it much on my own magically. I certainly had a lot of magical thinking. Like, if I don't hit this green light, then somebody's going to die. But I think the worst-case scenario, I could actually work well in that, because if you use the worst-case scenario, it can make it seem so ridiculous that it helps people let go of it more easily. And I think you can do that with 'may or may nots' too. I'll try to encourage people to use the creativity that they have because everybody with OCD has a ton of creativity. And we know that because the OCD shares your brain and it's certainly the creative stuff And to one-up the OCD, you use the scripting to be like, “Gosh, I may or may not get some drug-disease and give it to my entire neighborhood. I may or may not kill off an entire section of my county. We may or may not infect the entire state of Georgia. The entire United States may or may not blow up because I got this one disease. So, they may or may not have to eject me off the earth and make me live on Mars because I'm such a bad person.” This ‘may or may not' is in all this crazy stuff too, because that's how to win, is to one up the OCD. It thinks that's scary, let's go even scarier. But the scary you get, it also gets a little bit ridiculous after a while. And then the whole thing seems to be a little bit ridiculous. So, I think you can still use that worst-case stuff with may or may not. Kimberley: Right. Okay. So, I mean, I will always sort of-- I know you really well. I've always held you so high in my mind in just how resilient and strong you are in doing this. How might you, or how do you help people who feel completely powerless at even addressing this? For you to say it, it sounds very like you're just doing it and it's so powerful. But for those who are really struggling with this idea of like, you said, coming out of your head, can you speak to how you address that in session if someone's really struggling to engage in 'may or may nots' and so forth? Shala: Yeah. Well, thank you for the kind words, first off. I think that it's really common for people with OCD by the time they get to a therapist to feel completely demoralized, especially if they've been to multiple therapists before they get to somebody who does ERP. And so, they feel like they're the victim at the hands of a very cruel abuser that they can't get away from. And so, they feel beaten down and they don't know how to get out of their heads. They feel like they're trapped in this mental prison. They can't get out. And if somebody is struggling like that, and they're doing the 'may or may nots' and the OCD is reacting, which of course, it will, and coming back at them stronger, which I always warn people, this is going to happen. When you start poking at this, the OCD is going to poke back and poke back even harder, because it wants to get you back in line so it can keep you prisoner.  So, what I'll often do in those situations, if I see somebody is really feeling like they have been so victimized, that they're never going to be able to get over this, is the type of script I have them do is more of an empowerment script, which could sound like this: “OCD, I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm not doing what you want. I am strong. I can do this.” And I might add some 'may or may nots' in there. “And I want to be anxious. Come on, bring it on. You think that's scary? Give me something else.”  I know you're having Reid Wilson on as part of this too. I learned all that “bring it on” type stuff and pushing for the anxiety from him. And I think helping people say that out loud can be really transformative. I've seen people just completely break down in tears of sort of, “Oh my gosh, I could do this,” like tears of empowerment from standing up and yelling at their OCD.  If people like swearing, I also just have them swear at it, like they would really swear at somebody who had been abusing them if they had a chance, because swearing actually can make you feel more powerful too, and I want to use all the tools we can. So, I think scripting comes in a number of forms. It's all about really taking what's in your head, turning it into a helpful self-talk and saying it out loud. And the reason out loud is important for any type of scripting is that if you're saying it in your head, it's going to get mixed up with all the jumble of mental ruminating that's going on. And saying it out loud makes it hard for you to ruminate. It's not impossible, but it's hard because you're saying it. Your brain really is only processing one thing at a time. And so, if you're talking and really paying attention to what you're saying, it's much harder to be up in your head spinning this around.  And so, adding these empowerment scripts in with the 'may or may nots' helps people both accept the uncertainty and feel like they can do this, feel like they can stand up to the OCD and say, “You've beaten me enough. No more. This is my life. I'm not letting you ruin it anymore. I am taking this back. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care what I have to do. I'm going to do this.” And that builds people up enough where they can feel like they can start approaching these exposures. Kimberley: I love that. I think that is such-- I've had that same experience of how powerful empowerment can be in switching that behavior. It's so important. Now, one thing I really want to ask you is, do you switch this method when you're dealing with other anxiety disorders – health anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder? What is your approach? Is there a difference or would you say the tools are the same? Shala: There's a slight difference between disorders. I think health anxiety, I treat exactly like OCD. Even some of the examples I gave here were really health anxiety statements. With panic disorder-- and again, I learned this from Reid and you can ask him more about this when you interview him. But with pain disorder, it's all about, I want to feel more shorter breath, more like their elephant standing on my chest. I want my heart to be faster. But I'm doing this while I'm having people do exercises that would actually create those feelings, like breathing through a little bit of cocktail straw, jogging, turning up a space heater, and blowing it on themselves. So, we're trying to create those symptoms and then talk out loud and say, “Come on, I want more of this. I want to feel more anxious. Give me the worst panic attack you've ever had.” So, it's all about amping up the symptoms.  With social anxiety, it's a little bit different because with social anxiety, I would work on the cognitions first. Whereas with OCD, we don't work on the cognitions at all, other than I want you to have a different cognitive relationship with your disorder and your anxiety. I want you to want the anxiety. I want you to want the OCD to come and bother you because that gives you an opportunity to practice. That's the cognitive work with OCD. I do not work on the cognitive work on the content. I'm not going to say to somebody, “Well, the chance you're going to get AIDS from that little spot of blood is very small.” That's not going to be helpful  With social anxiety, we're actually working on those distorted cognitions at the beginning. And so, a lot of the work with social anxiety is going to be going out and testing those new cognitions, which really turns the exposures into what we call behavioral experiments. It's more of a cognitive method. We're going out and saying, “Gosh, my new belief, instead of everybody's judging me, is, well, everybody is probably thinking about themselves and I'm going to go do some things that my social anxiety wouldn't want me to do and test out that new belief.” I might have them use that new belief, but also if their anxiety gets really high and they're having a hard time saying, “Well, that person may or may not be judging me. They may or may not be looking at me funny. They may or may not go home and tell people about me.” But really, we're trying to do something a little bit different with social anxiety. Kimberley: And what about with generalized anxiety? With the mental, a lot of rumination there, do you have a little shift in how you respond? Shala: Yeah. So, it's funny that the talk that Michelle Massi and others gave at IOCDF-- I think it was at IOCDF this year about what's the difference between OCD and GAD is they're really aligned there. I mean, I treat GAD very similarly the way I treat OCD in that people are up in their heads trying to do things. They're also doing other types of safety behaviors, compulsive safety behaviors, but a lot of people GAD are just up in their head. They're just worried about more “real-life” things. But again, a lot of OCD stuff can be real-life things. I mean, look at COVID. That was real life. And people's OCD could wrap itself around that. So, I treat GAD and OCD quite similarly. There are some differences, but in terms of scripting, we call it “worry time” in GAD. It's got a different name, but it's basically the same thing. Kimberley: Right. Okay. Thank you for answering that because I know some folks here listening will be not having OCD and will be curious to see how it affects them. So, is that the practice for you or is there anything else you feel like people need to know going in, in terms of like, “Here is my strategy, here is my plan to target mental rituals”? What would you say? Shala: So, as I mentioned, I think the 'may or may nots' are bridge tool that are always available to you throughout your entire recovery. My goal with anybody that I'm working with is to help them get to the point where they can just use shoulders back. And the way that I think about this is what I call my “man in the park” metaphor. So, we've all probably been in a park where somebody is yelling typically about the end of the world and all that stuff. And even if you were to agree with some of the things that the person might say from a spiritual or religious standpoint, you don't run home and go, “Oh my gosh, we got to pack all our things up because it's the end of the world. We have to get with all of our relatives and be together because we're all going to die.” We don't do that. We hear what this guy's saying, and then we go on with our days, again, even if you might agree with some of the content. Now, why do we do that? We do that because it's not relevant in our life. We realize that person probably, unfortunately, has some problems. But it doesn't affect us. We hear it just like when we might hear birds in the background or a car honking, and we just go on with our day. That's how we want to treat OCD. What we do when we have untreated OCD is we run up to the man in the park and we say, “Oh my gosh, can I have a pamphlet? Let me read the pamphlet. Oh my gosh, you're right. Tell me more, tell me more.” And we're interacting with him, trying to get some reassurance that maybe he's wrong, that maybe he does really mean the end of the world is coming soon. Maybe it's going to be like in a hundred years. Eventually, we get to the point where we're handing out pamphlets for him. “Here, everybody, take one of these.” What we're doing with 'may or may nots' is we're learning how to walk by the man in the park and go, “The world may or may not be ending. The world may or may not be ending. I'm not taking a pamphlet. The world may or may not be ending.” So, we're trying to not interact with him. We're trying to take what he's saying and hold it in our heads without doing something compulsive that's going to make our anxiety higher. What we're trying to do is practice that enough till we can get to the point where we can be in the park with the guy and just go on with our day. We hear him speaking, but we're really-- it's just not relevant. It's just not part of our life. So, we just move on. And we're not trying to shove him away. It's just like any other noise or sound or activity that you would just-- it doesn't even register in your consciousness. That's what we're trying to do.  Now I think another way to think about this is if you think-- say you're in an art gallery. Art galleries are quiet and there are lots of people standing around, and there's somebody in there that you don't like or who doesn't like you or whatever. You're not going to walk up to that person and tap on their shoulder and say, “Excuse me, I'm going to ignore you.” You're just going to be like, “I know that person is there. I'm just going to do what I'm doing.” And I think that's-- I use that to help people understand this transition, because we're basically going from 'may or may nots' where we're saying, “OCD, I'm not letting you do this to me anymore,” so we are being really aggressive with it, to this being able to be in the same space with it, but we're not talking to it at all because we don't need to, because we can be in the presence with the intrusive thoughts that the OCD is reacting to, just like the presence of all the other thousands of thoughts we have each day without interacting with them. Kimberley: That's so interesting. I've never thought of it that way.  Shala: And so, that's where I'm trying to get people because that is the strongest, strongest recovery, is if you can go do the things that you want to do, be in the presence of the anxiety and not do compulsions physical or mental, you don't give anything for OCD to work with. I have a whole chapter in my memoir about this after I heard Reid say at one of the conferences, “We need to act as though what OCD is saying doesn't matter.” And that was revolutionary to me to hear that. And that's what we're trying to do both physically and mentally. Because if you can have an obsession and focus on what you want to focus on, do what you want to do, you're not giving OCD anything to work with. And typically, it'll just drain away. But this takes time. I mean, it has taken me years to learn how to do this, but I went untreated for 35 years too. It may not take you years, but it may. And that's okay. It's a process. And I think if you have trouble trying to do shoulders back, man in the park, use 'may or may nots'. You can use the combination. But I think we're trying to get to the point where you can just be with the OCD and hear it flipping out and just go on with your day. OCD, BDD, and Mental Rituals  Kimberley: In your book, you talk about the different voices. There is a BDD voice and an OCD voice. Was it harder or easier depending on the voice? Was that a component for you in that-- because the words and the voice sound a little different. I know in your memoir you give them different names and so forth, which if anyone hasn't read your memoir, they need to go right now and read it. Do you have any thoughts on that in terms of the different voices or the different ways in which the disorders interact? Shala: That's a really great question because yes, I think OCD does shift its voice and shift its persona based on how scared it is. So, if it's a little bit scared, it's probably going to speak to you. It's still going to be not a very nice voice. It might be urgent and pleading. But if it's super scared, I talk about mine being like the triad of hell, how my OCD will personify into different things based on how scared it is. And if it's super scared and it's going to get super big and it's going to get super loud in your head because it's trying desperately to help you understand you've got to save it because it thinks it's in danger. That's all its content. Then I think-- and if you have trouble ignoring it because it's screaming in your head, like the man in the park comes over with his megaphone, puts it right up against your ear and starts talking, that's hard to ignore. That's hard to act like that's not relevant because it hurts. There's so much noise.  That's when you might have to use a may or may not type approach because it's just so loud, you can't ignore it, because it's so scared. And that's okay. And again, sometimes I'll have to use that. Not too terribly often just because I've spent a long time working on how to use the shoulder's back, man in the park, but if I have to use it, I use it. And so, I think your thought about how do I interact with the OCD based on how aggressive it's being also plays into this. Kimberley: I love all this. I think this is really helpful in terms of being able to be flexible. I know sometimes we want just the one rule that's going to work in all situations, but I think you're right. I think that there needs to be different approaches. And would you say it depends on the person? Do you give them some autonomy over finding what works for them, or what would you say?  Shala: Absolutely. If people are up in their heads and they don't want to use 'may or may nots', I'll try to use some other things. If I really, really think that that's what we need right now, is we need scripting, I'll try to sell them on why. But at the end of the day, it's always my client's choice and I do it differently based on every client. For some clients, it might be just more empowering statements. For some clients where it's more panicky focused, it might be more about bringing on your anxiety. Sometimes it might be pulling self-compassion in and just saying the self-compassion statements out loud. So, it really does vary by person. There's no one-size-fits-all, but I think, I feel that people need to have something to replace the mental ritualizing with at the beginning that they've been doing it for a long time, just because otherwise, it's like, I'm giving them a bicycle, they've never ridden a bicycle before and I won't give them any training wheels. And that's really, really hard. Some people can do it. I mean, some people can just be like, “Oh, I'm to stop doing that in my head? Okay, well, I'll stop doing that in my head.” But most people need something to help them bridge that gap to get to the point where they can just be in the presence with it and not be talking to it in their heads. Kimberley: Amazing. All right. Any final statements from you as we get close to the end? Shala: I think that it's important to, as you're working on this, really think about what you're doing in your head that might be subtle, that could be making the OCD worse. And I think talking and being willing to talk about this to therapists about putting it all out there, “Hey, I'm saying this to myself in my head, is that helpful or harmful?” Because OCD therapy can be pretty straightforward. I mean, ERP, go out and face your fears, don't do rituals. It sounds pretty straightforward. But there is a lot of subtlety to this. And the more that you can root out these subtle mental rituals, the better that your recovery is going to be.  And know too that if you've had untreated OCD for a long time, you can uncover mental rituals, little bitty ones, for years after you get out of therapy. And that's okay. It doesn't mean you're not in recovery. It just means that you are getting more and more insightful and educated about what OCD is. And the more that you can pick those little things out, just the better your recovery will be. But we also don't want to be perfectionistic about that like, “I must eliminate every single mental ritual that I have or I'm not going to be in a good recovery.” That's approaching your ERP like OCD would do. And we don't want to do that. But we do want to be mindful about the subtleties and make sure to try to pull out as many of those subtle things that we might be doing in our heads as possible.  Kimberley: Amazing. Thank you. Tell us-- again, first, let me just say, such helpful information. And your personal experience, I think, is really validating and helpful to hear on those little nuances. Tell us where people can hear about you and the amazing projects you've got going on. Shala: You can go to ShalaNicely.com and I have lots of free blog posts I've written on this. So, there are two blog posts, two pretty extensive blog posts on 'may or may nots'. So, if you go on my website and just search may or may not, it'll bring up two blog posts about that. If you search on shoulders back or man in the park, you'll find two blog posts on how to do that technique. I also have a blog post I wrote in the last year or so called Shower Scripting, which is how to do ERP, like just some touch-up scripting in the shower, use that time. So, I would say go to my website and you can find all sorts of free resources. I've got two books. You can find on Amazon, Everyday Mindfulness for OCD, Jon Hershfield and I co-wrote. And we talk about ‘may or may nots' and shoulders back and some of the things in there just briefly. And then my memoir, Is Fred in the Refrigerator?: Taming OCD and Reclaiming My Life, is also on Amazon or bookstores, Audible, and that kind of thing.  Kimberley: I wonder too, if we could-- I'm going to put links to all these in the show note. I remember you having a word with your OCD, a video? Shala: Oh yes, that's true. Kimberley: Can we link that too? Shala: Yes. And that one I have under my COVID resources, because I'm so glad you brought that up. When the pandemic started, my OCD did not like it, as many people who have contamination OCD can relate to. And it was pretty scary all the time. And it was making me scared all the time. And eventually, I just wrote it a letter and I'm like, “Dude, we're not doing this anymore.” And I read it out loud and I recorded it out loud so that people could hear how I was talking to it.  Kimberley: It was so powerful. Shala: Well, thank you. And it's fun to do. I think the more that you can personify your OCD, the more you can think of it as an entity that is within you but is not you, and to recognize that your relationship with it will change over time. Sometimes you're going to be compassionate with it. “Gosh, OCD, I'm so sorry,” You're scared we're doing this anyway. Sometimes you're going to be aggressive with it. Sometimes you just ignore it. And that changes as you go through therapy, it changes through your life. And I think that recognizing that it's okay to have OCD and to have this little thing, I think of like an orange ball with big feet and sunglasses is how I think about it when it's behaving – it makes it less of an adversarial relationship over time and more like I have an annoying little sibling that, gosh, it's just not going to ever not be there, but it's fine. We can live together and live in this uncertainty and be happy anyway. Kimberley: I just love it. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your experience and your knowledge. It's so wonderful. Shala: Thank you so much for having me.

*Eric Zorn and John discuss how protestors outside the homes of Supreme Court justices aren't helping their cause. *Michale Edwards of the Chicago Loop Alliance shares that they are doubling their number of street ambassadors to curb violence downtown. *Greg Hinz of Crain's looks at the new poll showing that the IL GOP gubernatorial race is tighter than expected. *Reid Wilson at The Hill discusses how state GOP lawmakers are getting ready to pounce after Roe is overturned. *Plus, attorney Jaice Zolna talks about the city lawfully overcharging citizens for city sticker violations.

I recently had the privilege of attending the 4th Annual Outdoor Economy Conference in Cherokee, North Carolina, where 600 outdoor industry businesses, conservationists, public land managers, development experts, nonprofit & government leaders, and entrepreneurs are looking to grow the outdoor industry in their communities and craft an economy that's intimately tied to the quality and health of their places.I had the distinct honor of sitting down with D. Reid Wilson, Secretary of the North Carolina Department of Natural and Cultural Resources, who is implementing the largest investment in outdoor recreation in North Carolina's history, and Gayle Conelly Manchin, Federal Co-Chair of the Appalachian Regional Commission. We talked about how the beauty and diversity of the natural assets in North Carolina and the Appalachian Region have helped to help grow the outdoor economy in the region. We talk about how mountain communities & gateway towns in the region are embracing their proximity to natural assets and outdoor recreation, and how they're bolstering quality of life both for residents and potential outdoor recreation employers like manufacturers, guide services, lodging and food, and all sorts of artisans. We also discuss how businesses are drawn to communities that offer employees access to outdoor recreational opportunities & a higher quality of life.Special Thanks & Recognition To:Eastern Band of the Cherokee IndiansOutdoor Economy ConferenceWNC: MADE X MTNSNorth Carolina Outdoor Industry Recreation Industry OfficeOutdoor Gear Builders of WNCMountain BizWorksWestern Carolina University

Anthony and Marshall are joined by Danny Stanley, Reid Wilson, and Addison Mittelstaidet of Big Grove Brewery to discuss creating community within corporations, their business as a connection-building entity in communities, the integration of personal and professional life, and fostering holistic growth within professional life. Big Grove is a brewery located in Iowa that has taprooms in Solon, Iowa City and Des Moines. They have been connected with numerous outreach causes to promote connection, community and mental health awareness. Below is a link to their current "Big Grove For Good" community outreach page. https://biggrove.com/pages/big-grove-for-good

Anthony and Marshall are joined by Danny Stanley, Reid Wilson, and Addison Mittelstaidet of Big Grove Brewery to discuss creating community within corporations, their business as a connection-building entity in communities, the integration of personal and professional life, and fostering holistic growth within professional life. Big Grove is a brewery located in Iowa that has taprooms in Solon, Iowa City and Des Moines. They have been connected with numerous outreach causes to promote connection, community and mental health awareness. Below is a link to their current "Big Grove For Good" community outreach page. https://biggrove.com/pages/big-grove-for-good

*J.D. Tucille of Reason says that the seizing of Russian yachts could lead to the stealing of Americans' property in the future. *Steve Bernas of the Better Business Bureau of Illinois details two powerful tools they are highlighting for Smart Money Week. *Ross Pomeroy at RealClearScience discusses how America has a narcissism epidemic, and it's affecting every single generation. *Doug Bandow from the Cato Institute tells John why preventing war with Russia is in America's best interest. *Plus, Reid Wilson of The Hill looks at the battle between states over NFL stadiums, and John discusses the life of Gilbert Gottfried.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental illness that causes repeated unwanted thoughts or sensations (obsessions) or the urge to do something over and over again (compulsions). It is estimated that around 100 to 150 million people throughout the world live with OCD, with the most common treatment being ERP (exposure with response prevention). In this episode, Dr Chua Sook Ning talks to Dr. Reid Wilson about the nature of OCD and "The 6-Moment Game" he shares to help people overcome OCD, moment-by-moment. Dr. Wilson is a clinical psychologist who directs the Anxiety Disorders Treatment Center in Chapel Hill and Durham, NC. He is also the author of several books including "Stopping the Noise in Your Head: The New Way to Overcome Anxiety and Worry" and "Don't Panic: Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks." To find out more about this approach, visit: www.anxieties.com For more information on Relate Malaysia and our services, visit www.relate.com.my or email us at: inquiries@relate.com.my

It was my honor to get to have this conversation with Dr. Reid Wilson. Dr. Wilson, Ph.D., is the Director of the Anxiety Disorders Treatment Center and is an international expert in the treatment of anxiety disorders, with books translated into nine languages. He is the author of “Stopping the Noise in Your Head,” the classic self-help book “Don't Panic.” and “Facing Panic.” Dr. Wilson is co-author of “Stop Obsessing!”, as well as “Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents.” He is co-author of Achieving Comfortable Flight, a self-help package for the fearful flier. He has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Morning America, CNN, The Katie Show, A&E's Hoarders, and MTV's True Life. In 2014 he was honored with the highest award given by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, and he was presented the 2019 Service Award by the International OCD Foundation. In this conversation, Dr. Wilson speaks passionately and candidly about what it takes to overcome anxiety and live a life with less noise and more joy. Find more about Dr. Wilson's work on his website https://anxieties.com/. Learn more about my coaching services on https://wellnotesforher.com. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/alittlelesshotmess/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/alittlelesshotmess/support

How will independent commissions impact gerrymandering? Rick speaks with Reid Wilson.

This week's episode is a coaching call with Amy, a mom of two young kids.    Amy struggled to get her kids to change tasks throughout the day without having meltdowns, so we talked about different strategies around how to get them to transition peacefully.   Listen in as we talk about: How to get your kids to stop playing and moving to the next task without yelling How to overcome our own fears of what others will think What to do when your child is anxious and how to handle the Worry Brain   Resources mentioned in the episode:  Order the Hey Warrior Book Order Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents by Lynn Lyons and Reid Wilson   Connect with Sarah Rosensweet   On Instagram On Facebook https://www.sarahrosensweet.com   

In this episode, Lynn discusses her work with children and families, and how she developed her approach that integrates family systems, hypnosis, and cognitive behavioral therapy. She discusses working with children and adolescents with anxiety, and how she focuses on the pattern, and helping the clients to see how they are "doing the disorder", and interrupt that pattern, as opposed to focusing on the content of the anxiety. She identifies what skills the family is needing, and helps them develop those to not let worry and anxiety run the family. Lynn Lyons, LICSW is a psychotherapist, author, and speaker with a special interest in interrupting the generational patterns of anxiety in families. Lynn is the co-author with Reid Wilson of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents and the companion book for kids Playing with Anxiety: Casey's Guide for Teens and Kids. She is the author of Using Hypnosis with Children: Creating and Delivering Effective Interventions and has two DVD programs for parents and children. Lynn also hosts her own podcast, FlusterClux, where she helps parents and families with anxiety. She is in private practice in Concord, New Hampshire where she sees families, and she speaks regularly to parent groups, schools, and clinicians.

Many families are feeling anxious about changes to their school routine, both kids and parents. How do we support our kids and teens and help them manage their worry about going back to school? And when does this worry become more serious and lead to school avoidance and school refusal?Lynn references Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD: A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents by Eli Lebowitzand her own book co-authored with Reid Wilson, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents. New episodes arrive Friday at 12:00AM EST.Break your 7 habits of worry with Lynn.Don't Miss the Anxiety Audit available until March 30th!Purchase the self-paced course now.Therapists and school counselors, become a Flusterclux affiliate and sell the course to your parenting community as a fundraiser.Join the email list to get news on the upcoming courses for parents, teens, and kids.Join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask your question on a future episode.Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram.Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast.  Today I want to focus a bit on OCD treatment.  I want to share with you all 8 tips that I think will really help to fast track your OCD treatment.  The first tip is to get support.  That may people from people in your life or it may be from social media, organizations in the OCD community, or online support groups. The second tip is to pace yourself.  Find a pace that works well for you, not too fast, not too slow.  The third tip is to give yourself time to feel all the feelings about your OCD treatment. You are likely going to ride a wave of emotions and that is OK.  The fourth tip is to stop judging yourself for your obsessions and compulsions.  Being critical of yourself on serves to get in the way of your recovery. So go easy on yourself. The fifth tip is to embrace uncertainty.  Learning to live with uncertainty is key to recovery in OCD treatment. The sixth tip is to stare your fear in the face everyday.  Remember when we turn away from our fear, OCD only becomes stronger.  The key is to do those hard things. The seventh tip is to find your motivation.  What is your motivation for wanting to get better?  The eight and final tip is understanding and accepting that you cannot control your thoughts.  The only thing you can control is your reaction to those thoughts.  I hope these tips will help as you progress through your OCD treatment. If I can leave you with just one thought that would be "It's a beautiful day to do hard things." If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Coming in March 19th ERP School will be available with bonus material! Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information. Coming March 15th, we are offering our free training, The 10 Things You Absolutely Need to Know About OCD.     Transcript of Ep. 179 This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 179. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I’m your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn’t get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain’t easy. If that sounds good to you, let’s go. Welcome back, my friends. Hello, Happy Friday. This is when it’s released. If you’re not listening to this on a Friday, Happy whatever day you’re listening, Happy Day. How are you? Take a breath. Where are you? What are you doing? What do you see? What do you smell? It’s a beautiful day. Thank you for being here with me. It is a beautiful day to do hard things, as always. But today, we’re actually talking about exactly that, talking about how to do really hard things in the form of talking about the eight things you can do to fast-track your recovery. It could be OCD recovery, it could be health anxiety, panic disorder, eating disorder, whatever it may be. But we’re probably going to put a focus today on OCD, mainly because I am getting ready. This is very exciting. Let me go off on a tangent. I’m getting ready to relaunch the free training that we offer twice a year called The 10 Things You Absolutely Need to Know about OCD. It’s a free training. We’ve offered it now for almost three years, and I offer it twice a year over... not over a thousand, over tens of thousands of people have watched this training. It’s quite amazing. So many people have given me amazing feedback on it. A lot of people have said that this was their first introduction to OCD and the education to OCD. I’m just so happy to share this with you. We will be releasing this training again on March 15, so get ready. I will send you all the details when we get there, but for right now, you could just get really excited and you can listen to this episode, which is really again, talking about not the basics of OCD, even though a lot of people who’ve taken that free training said they go back every time I launch it and rewatch it because it’s a really great reboot on these major basic concepts. Today, we’re going to talk about bigger concepts, like really looking at treatment and how to fast-track it. So, let’s get started. Before we start, actually, again, I’m going to ask you for a favor, if you would have a moment and you feel so inclined, please go and leave a review. I am on a massive... What would you call it? Effort to get more reviews, not because I need the ego stroke at all, but because I have been told by multiple business people that if you want to help more people and get this free resource out to more people, you do have to have a ton of reviews. The more reviews you have, the more likely people are to click on the podcast and try it. My goal is to create really, really good content, but they have to actually click the content to get helped by the content. So if you could help me with that, that would be amazing. I have offered an incentive. We are having an exciting challenge where we’re challenging ourselves to get a thousand reviews. Once we get a thousand reviews, I’ll be giving away a pair of Beats headphones to one of the lucky reviewers of your color choice as a thank you. So, that’s there. I would love to have you write a review. All right, let’s get into the show. We’re talking about the eight tips to fast-track your OCD treatment. Get support.  This was actually the #8 point, but I actually brought it up to #1. If you are willing to do hard things, which you will because OCD treatment requires you to do many hard things, you will need support. Now I know what you’re probably thinking. “I don’t know anybody who has OCD,” or “I don’t have enough money for treatment,” or “I don’t know who to ask.” And that’s why this podcast is here. This is a free service to help you feel supported. And if listening to this podcast is your form of support, well, I am so, so grateful and blessed to have that opportunity. But even better than that is to get support by people who are in a similar situation and it does not have to cost you money. It does not have to cost you time. The use of getting support for OCD might look like social media accounts. There are so many advocates on social media, Instagram, Facebook. This is a really wonderful way to get support. You might go to OCD Gamechangers or the International OCD Foundation, where they have programs and free town hall and fireside chats where you can feel supported because you’re in an area of like-minded people. You might join a support group. There are many GOALS support groups. It’s G-O-A-L-S support group. If you Google it, there are many around the country of the United States where they’re free support groups for people. They are online forums. I have a free Facebook group called CBT School Campus, which is a group of the most kind of supportive people who are also on their journey. So, get support. You can’t do hard things on your own all the time. You can do them on your own some of the time, but it fast-tracks it if you really do have support and people cheering you on. The other thing to remember is you don’t have to know someone who has OCD. Find somebody who’s also doing something difficult and say, “Hey, I’m doing a hard thing. You’re doing a different hard thing, but I wonder if we could support each other.” Most of the time, people are so relieved not to do hard things on their own. So, get support. Pace yourself. When you want to fast-track your treatment and your recovery, your instinct is to go in great guns. In Australia, we call it great guns. Great guns is full-on going in, giving it your biggest effort. And that’s good. Great guns is awesome, but you have to pace yourself. You can’t sprint a marathon. You’ll get into the first mile and you’ll collapse. This is about pacing yourself and having a clear plan. One of the biggest areas I make as a clinician is when I create a treatment plan for my patient or my client, and it’s not a good pace. It’s not a good beat. You can hear me clicking. You can’t go really fast and then taper out. You lose momentum. So what you want to do is pace yourself at a cadence that feels really right and is doable and is realistic, that you can make a part of your daily life because it’s not realistic to do four hours today and then zero hours tomorrow, and then two hours the next day. Try and find something that you can do a little bit every day. Give yourself time to be mad, sad, sad, resentful, and have whatever feelings you have about this OCD treatment or this recovery process.  You’re going to have lots of emotions and you have to prepare yourself for that. You have to be willing to ride the many emotional waves of recovery. It’s not just a matter of sitting down and doing exposures and going on about your life. You are going to have to feel all kinds of emotions, and that can be really overwhelming and painful. So give yourself time to have those emotions. Stop judging yourself for your obsessions and your compulsions. One of the things that is the most demotivating actions we can do is criticize ourselves for where we’re at. This is a podcast episode about fast tracking. This means what slows us down, looking at what are the things that slow us down so that we can go at the fastest pace possible that is healthy and realistic. And that involves not being critical. Being critical literally does nothing good. It slows you down. It de-motivates you. It disempowers you. It makes you feel more secondary emotions. It does no good. I know you know that, but sometimes we have to remind ourselves that in the moment, when we catch ourselves judging ourselves for the thoughts or feelings we’re having or judging ourselves for the compulsion we’re doing is to go, “Wait, that’s not helping. That’s not effective. That doesn’t get me closer to the goal.” Even if I feel that way and it feels true, I am going to catch this and step out because it’s not effective. Uncertainty is key.  If you are not being uncertain, you are taking a detour. Think of it like you’re on a road and you’ve got a destination and you’re getting there. Every time you go off the road, let’s say, you’re going from A to B, going off the road, going towards C is the equivalent of going to certainty. You want to get off the road of certainty and get back on the road to being uncertain. And you will naturally, oops. Whoops, it’s easy. As we took a little detour back into certainty land, turn around, do a U-turn, come on back to the road of uncertainty. That is the fastest route to your recovery. Then you’ve got like a GPS. Over the GPS if you had one in your car, it would be like, “Please do a U-turn. You have taken the wrong route. You are on the road of certainty. Turn around and proceed to the road of uncertainty.” That’s how I imagine the GPS lady or man speaking to you when you’ve gone down that wrong road. Again, when you catch yourself, don’t beat yourself up. The GPS doesn’t go, “Bad you. You’re a bad person for going on a detour.” She just goes, “Would you please do a U-turn and proceed to the route?” Stare your fear in the face every day, learn to play this game, and it is a gap.  This is talking about a Reid Wilson approach who I adore. Reid Wilson’s approach is, this is a game. Your job is to accumulate points. Every time you stare fear in the face, you accumulate points. And we want more points. We want to take the points away from OCD. I’ll often say to my patients and clients, “I want you to accumulate a hundred points a day.” Let’s say if touching... my bike’s right in front of me. So I’ll say, let’s say touching the handlebar of my bike is a 5 out of 10. If I do that, I get five points. Good job. I’ve only got 95 more to get today. If letting myself have certain thoughts, if that’s a 9 out of 10. Okay, great. Now I’ve got 14 points. I’m getting there. I’m getting closer to my goal. You could say 50 points. If you wanted to start early or easier, you could go to 10 points to start with. That’s fine. But learn to stare your fear in the face every day and play the game. We don’t want OCD getting and accumulating and racking up all the points because they win. Because when we avoid, OCD gets points. We want to try and prevent OCD from hitting its 10, a 100 mark every day. We want to be like, “Nope, I’m going to win this game today.” Treatment requires motivation and fast-tracking requires motivation.  Your job is to identify what will happen if you don’t play this game and stare fear in the face. Identify what OCD has taken away from you. PS, little teaser. Next week’s episode is all about motivation. If you struggle with this, we’re going to deep dive into motivation. It’s something that I have been asked about so much lately. So I, of course, scheduled to talk to you about it. Again, the motivation, it does require a ton. If you want to fast-track your treatment, it does require that you get your wheels moving and you don’t slow down. And that will require keeping in your mind’s eye right in the front. Like, I’m doing this hard work because if I don’t, OCD will take A, B and C from me. Now, little side note, and we’ll discuss this next week. If that feels a little like pressure or shaming or guilt-tripping on you, we can learn to shift the language around that. Your job again is to try not to judge yourself for what it has taken from you in the past. That’s a really important piece here. But again, I’ll pause there because we’ll go through that next week. Drum roll... The final major thing that you have to remember to fast-track your treatment, and I did originally have this as #1, but I’m going to finish with it because it’s probably the most important. Your recovery requires a deep understanding and acceptance of the fact that you cannot control your thoughts.  Most people, by the time they come to me, have wasted so much time and so much of their life in a wrestle, trying to control their thoughts. No judgment there. That is the natural inclination of a human being. But you have to really drop down and recognize that trying to control, which thoughts come in and out of your mind, is a lose-lose for everybody. The only thing you can control is how you respond to your thoughts. Massive, massive point. That is one of the points we do cover in The 10 Things You Absolutely Need to Know about OCD training, but I really wanted to bring it up again because it’s so important. Everyone gets caught in this one. So it’s just a matter of catching it and going, “All right, I’m in a wrestle with my thoughts. I know I can’t control my thoughts. So I’m going to have to try something different.” The only thing you can do differently is to change how you respond. The answer to that, let me give it to you, is just to do something different. It’s basically to go, “Oh, this is too big. I can’t solve this. It’s unsolvable. I’m just going to walk away.” It’s sort of like, sometimes my son’s doing a Lego and he’s getting really frustrated because he just can’t seem to figure out this next step and he’s getting more upset and he’s getting more upset. Now he’s sort of ripping at it and pushing out it and things are suddenly breaking apart. I’ll say, “Whoa, this isn’t working step away. Let’s go do something else. We’ll come back later.” That’s really important. I love you guys. That is the eight tips I have for you to fast-track your OCD treatment. If some of that went too fast and too much, get ready, we’ll do the free training here very soon. I strongly encourage everybody to take it, even if you’ve taken it again, because I’ve added a bonus point this time. Really now it’s 11 things you have to know, but you’ll see that when we get there. All right. I love you so much. Have a wonderful day. It is a beautiful day to do one hard thing. Whether you choose the hard thing or it’s naturally happening, that’s okay. Just do the hard thing. Be in the hard thing. Give yourself permission for things not to be right and perfect. Okay, I love you. Have a wonderful day and thank you for listening. Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbtschool.com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbtschool.com.

In today's episode, Lisa visits with Reid Wilson from The Hill newspaper.  Wilson offers great insight into how public affairs execs can land stories, what works today, and how it is to write a book about a pandemic before a pandemic hits. 

Hola! In this episode, I speak with Dr. Reid Willson and learn about different anxiety disorders, OCD, the importance of self-help, and how to differentiate between valid thoughts and what is simply just "noise in your head". Buckle up and let's go!!Anxieties Help Website: https://anxieties.com/1/freeDr. Reid Wilson's YouTube Page (Super Awesome!):  https://www.youtube.com/user/ReidWilsonPhDDr. Willson's New Book: Stopping the Noise In Your Head: the New Way to Overcome Anxiety and Worry:  https://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Noise-Your-Head-Overcome/dp/0757319068 

After overcoming some technical problems, Don joins Amy for a wide-ranging conversation about national politics and the possibility of the GameStop short squeeze becoming common ground for both ends of the political spectrum. The friends touch on a few items in the news, including the local challenges of providing shelter for unhoused people who have been trying to survive in tents pitched in public parks.Special thanks to Six Umbrellas, whose song "Asset House" provides the beats for Don's debut (presumably) in electronic music.Additional resources:"Trump opens 'Office of the Former President' in Florida" (CBS News, by Melissa Quinn, January 27, 2021)https://www.cbsnews.com/news/office-of-the-former-president-trump-florida/ "Tens of thousands of voters drop Republican affiliation after Capitol riot" (The Hill, by Reid Wilson, January 27, 2021)https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/536113-tens-of-thousands-of-voters-drop-republican-affiliation-after-capitol?rl=1 "Republican Party faces rage from both pro- and anti-Trump voters" (Reuters, by Peter Eisler, Chris Kahn, Tim Reid, Simon Lewis, and Jarrett Renshaw, January 13, 2021)https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-supporters-insight/republican-party-faces-rage-from-both-pro-and-anti-trump-voters-idUSKBN29J08S "Trump political team disavows "Patriot Party" groups" (Axios, by Lachlan Markay, January 25, 2021)https://www.axios.com/trump-political-team-disavows-patriot-party-groups-f97c1a07-2541-4ba9-baee-6e31ced88bfa.html Patriot Party (1960s-1980s) (Wikipedia)https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patriot_Party_(1960s%E2%80%931980s) "GameStop And The Short Squeeze" (NPR, by Paddy Hirsch and Stacey Vanek Smith, January 27, 2021)https://www.npr.org/2021/01/27/961291455/gamestop-and-the-short-squeeze "Saagar Enjeti: Wall Street Elites DESTROYED, Beaten By Redditors At Their Own RIGGED Game" (YouTube, The Hill, January 27, 2021)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ToOGrUQ7ME "Should Betting Against Companies Be Illegal?" (Dave Manuel)https://www.davemanuel.com/2019/05/28/should-short-selling-be-illegal/ "THIS. IS. THE. TYPE. OF. ENERGY. I. NEED. IN. MY. LIFE. DO. NOT. SELL." (Twitter, @GenelJumalon, January 28, 2021)https://twitter.com/geneljumalon/status/1354806165968834568?s=21 "Defund the Mounties? Native peoples call for changes to Canada’s policing" (Christian Science Monitor, By Moira Donovan and Sara Miller Llana, January 25, 2021)https://www.csmonitor.com/Daily/2021/20210125 "Froswa' Booker-Drew: A Champion for South Dallas Nonprofits" (Dallas Doing Good, by Roselle Tenorio)https://www.dallasdoinggood.com/doing-good/froswa-booker-drew-a-champion-for-south-dallas-nonprofits "Where To Find Free Wi-Fi Hotspots In Monroe County" (Indiana Public Media, by Payton Knobeloch, March 25, 2020)https://indianapublicmedia.org/news/where-to-find-free-wi-fi-hotspots-in-monroe-county.php "'Everybody has a right to live': Protesters criticize mayor, BPD after Seminary Square Park eviction" (Indiana Daily Student, by Cate Charron, December 12, 2020)https://www.idsnews.com/article/2020/12/everybody-has-a-right-to-live-protesters-criticize-mayor-bpd-after-seminary-square-park-eviction "Bloomington City Council members drafting ordinance to better protect homeless camps" (Indiana Daily Student, by Madison Smalstig, January 31, 2021)https://www.idsnews.com/article/2021/01/bloomington-homeless-camps-ordinance Buy "Your Racist Friend" by They Might Be Giants on iTunes

OCD Awareness Week Continues this week as Dr. Yip and Noah have Dr. Reid Wilson as their special guest. The author of several classics in the field, and an inspiring teacher to therapists and anxiety-sufferers alike, Dr. Wilson is at the top of his game. He talks about “wanting it,” Muhammad Ali, and his new book Stopping the Noise in Your Head: the New Way to Overcome Anxiety. Make sure and SUBSCRIBE to the podcast and SHARE it with your friends! You can email us with questions and comments at: TheStressLessLife@DrYip.com Visit our website: www.dryip.com/thestresslesslife  

Introducing The Hill's History-Cast: Dive deep into the history and culture of American politics with Reid Wilson, The Hill's national correspondent. In our introductory episode, Reid visits the guy who first got him interested in politics — way back in 2nd grade. Stay tuned for our first full-length episode, debuting Thursday.