Two Assholes and a Mic

Send us Fan MailThis one comes with a guest. Joe Cheshire jumps in and suddenly we're swapping old Air Force stories, talking sponsors, Lakenheath, Alaska, Florida, mountains versus beaches, British towns, drunken Bury nights, and the kind of military memories that make you realize none of us have changed that much. Robby also talks bar life, raising kids, empty-nester plans, and why pouring beer is still the superior bartending skill. Then the conversation drifts exactly where you'd expect: AI, artists versus generated images, whether Skynet is inevitable, Terminator, The Matrix, lizard people, conspiracy-theory military instructors, and the fine educational tradition of counting how many times an instructor says “fuck” during class. Support the show

Send us Fan MailThis one starts later than usual, with no judgment from Ian, before Robby opens up about a rough Willow day, PTSD triggers, leaving work early, and how one conversation at a coffee shop turned into an emotional spiral. From there, the internet continues its war against the podcast, Starlink cables become suspect again, and Ian gives the latest painful house update involving rent charges, indemnity policies, lenders, solicitors, and a buying process that has somehow dragged on for a full year. We also get into motorcycles, dirt bikes, go-karts, childhood riding, people at work watching the podcast reels, Robby hating his own accent, British people hearing “Texan,” and the important clarification that it's finance ladies, not fine-ass ladies. Support the show

Send us Fan MailThis one kicks off with Ian finally ordering a new phone, Robby debating the same, and both of us still trying to figure out whether the real villain is the phones, Starlink, the app, or just whatever “bottlenecking” nonsense is happening in the background. From there, we get into Robby's rough Whatnot stream, bar boredom, doom scrolling, walking groups, testosterone checks, bloodwork, and the difference between talking to Alexa and talking to ChatGPT like they might eventually remember who was polite when the machines take over. Then it turns into Lego storage advice, No Country for Old Men GTA references, GTA V chaos, GTA VI hopes, NPCs getting tricked into fighting cops, and Robby's new replacement swear word: “flagnog.” We wrap with world facts about floating clouds, cosmic latte, Hector the Convector, drinkable water, cow friendships, and sloths somehow dropping their heart rate to eight beats per minute underwater. Support the show

Send us Fan MailThis one starts before the intro with Robby deep in Hulk color lore, because apparently there are way more Hulks than anyone needed to know about. From there, we get into Erin's baked ravioli, homemade pasta, pizza-roll logic, and missing the Viking buffet hard enough to cause emotional damage. The dogs then take over with Roxy guarding the fence, Slinky chaos, Amazon driver drama, and a weirdly thoughtful conversation about how animals experience the world through smell, sound, sight, touch, and whatever the hell snakes are doing with their tongues. After some fantasy football draft talk, Predator: Killer of Killers, phone problems, and another house update, we finally circle back to the big science question: what happens if an F-15 flies at half the speed of light? Turns out, nothing good—plasma wake, explosions, vaporized aircraft, mechanical mist, and eventually, according to Ian, pure light-speed glitter. Support the show

Send us Fan MailThis one starts with Ian fully accepting his Pokémon Go nerd era after joining a random walking group on the heath, while Robby remembers chasing PokéStops around Edwards with Justin. From there, we drift into saving for a gaming computer, the never-ending nightmare of buying a house in England, renting houses instead of selling them, HELOCs, mortgage rates, and trying to pay things off without doing too much maths. Robby also finally unfolds the dog pool, Slinky gets dunked, Roxy turns water into a full-body drinking experience, and two forgotten ribeyes become a luxury dog dinner. Then it's earbuds, headset impulse buys, military retirement percentages, mortgage overpayments, Amsterdam plans, Korea memories, Dragon Hill Lodge, Everland, and Robby deciding he's officially in chapter three of life before we invent the “olden years” and butcher the word epilogue. Support the show

Send us Fan MailThis one starts with the podcast already fighting for its life, a questionable pigeon rescue, and Erin discovering a new list of food allergies. From there, Ian vents about the never-ending house process, Robby talks Wing Wednesday chaos, bar staffing, and a possible new Colleyville location, and then we accidentally pick the most boring random-fact topic possible: grass. Once grass lets everyone down, we switch to conspiracy theories instead—moon landing doubts, birds not being real, reptilian elites, Hollow Earth, chemtrails, Antarctica secrets, Men in Black, and the possibility that Earth is basically Australia for space prisoners. Support the show

Send us Fan MailThis one is basically a science argument with technical difficulties sprinkled on top. We start with the classic “can an airplane take off on a treadmill?” debate, break down wheels, thrust, lift, MythBusters, and why billionaires should stop wasting money on boring stuff and finally build a proper plane-sized treadmill. From there, we jump to whether the Moon makes more sense than Mars for our first real colony, NASA's Mars helicopters, nuclear propulsion ideas, Ingenuity's busted propeller, and why Mars drone footage should absolutely be monetized on YouTube. Then we end by Googling how much data Mars missions can actually send back before Robby's connection gives up again. Support the show

Send us Fan MailA short one, but still somehow full of chaos. We start by fighting technical difficulties, blaming Elon's internet, and trying to remember what we were even talking about before the recording fell apart. Then it turns into Slinky's missing balls, dogs barking at neighbours, foldable pools, rock-chewing pets, and a quick dive into weird laws involving suspicious salmon and Switzerland's lonely guinea pig rules. Eventually, Ian figures out Robby's phone storage is probably the real villain, and we call it before the whole thing fully implodes. Support the show

Send us Fan MailThis one starts with Lego Batman problems and quickly gets hijacked by a hummingbird that has apparently chosen Robby's garage as its final boss arena. While Robby tries to figure out why the bird will not leave, Ian tells a baby-pigeon rescue story, we debate bats versus moths versus tiny owls, and Robby explains why his bat house gave up on life. After some fish-cake confusion and ramen hatred, we dive into deep-ocean facts: the midnight zone, snailfish living almost five miles down, giant squid eyeballs, bioluminescence, underwater mountain ranges, Mauna Kea, and whether Megalodon is hiding in the Mariana Trench until someone Googles it. We basically become professors—just, unfortunately, professors of idiocracy. Support the show

Send us Fan MailThis one opens with Robby running late because salami and cheese cubes got in the way, which is honestly hard to argue with. From there, we get into work drama at the bar, tip culture in the States, why servers making two-something an hour makes no sense, and Robby's idea of washing dishes just to fund wings and beer. We also talk remote jobs, paying off debt, the Slingshot versus the EcoSport, planning a future UK visit, Texas heat, actual UK rain, thunderstorm appreciation, and random facts that somehow end with Saturn floating in water, an eight-mile-an-hour speeding ticket, and fax machines existing before telephones. Support the show

Send us Fan Mail This one starts relaxed and then drifts straight into weird territory. We talk Witch's Brew, caramel apples, food videos, Brian Cox, Neil deGrasse Tyson, black holes, dreams, and whether our brains are building reality like some kind of personal simulation. Then Ian brings back the legendary deployment thong stories, including Rudolph, Ellie the Elephant, Ally the Alligator, poker nights in Korea, and the infamous Christmas card revenge plot aimed at one very angry Cowboys fan. Robby's audio and video cut out around the 18-minute mark, so this one leans heavy on the first half and the chaos that made it through. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E51, Robby gets the EcoSport sorted with new tires and “trained” TPMS sensors before we drift into Lego figs, Whatnot sales, Kevin Costner movies, and Robby defending the new He-Man. We also bring back random facts with ancient honey, giant fungus, neutron stars, talking ravens, and the moon leaving us.Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E50, we fight through more technical issues as Robby's phone tries to cook itself, leading to cooling-pack inventions, Alani-assisted troubleshooting, and frozen vegetable solutions. We also debate whether green beans are actually beans, bring back random facts, talk crow taming, ancient history, flamingos, otters, DNA, and finish with the greatest crow dad joke ever: two crows are an attempted murder. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E49, we talk ASMR, crunchy food videos, Oreo-dipping methods, soft cookies, childhood money, and how expensive games were even back in the day. Robby pitches No Man's Sky, pirate games, and “Two Assholes” game reviews before Ian shares another house update, we debate savings versus spending, and somehow end up planning future Space-A travel, C-17 luxury, and a Top Gear rewatch. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E48, we talk nature walks, questionable drink flavours, beard dye, balding genetics, Costco steaks, missing gravy, and Robby's continued refusal to buy a box fan. We then test ourselves with ten random facts involving cube-shaped wombat poop, ancient sharks, unicorns, butt-breathing turtles, and an immortal jellyfish—before Robby demands a Facebook poll to decide whether Ian must finally watch The Princess Bride. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E47, we fall into a Jupiter rabbit hole involving liquid hydrogen, solid cores, and whether throwing a match at the planet could create a new star. We also debate laying the PS5 flat, watch Robby's internet turn him into Megatron again, compare meteor showers and eclipses, discuss another Corso puppy, hype fifty-cent Wing Wednesday, and finish with Ian finally getting closer to completing the house purchase. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E46, Robby checks in from Alaska before flying home as we talk questionable vape flavors, Alaska-grown weed, and Peter Pug getting so excited he nearly shits himself. We also debate AI data centers and renewable-energy storage, hear about Robby's four-wheeler trip through Alaska, and finish with VA claims, helping adult kids financially, and building credit. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E45, we start with Roxy immediately getting in Robby's face, old insults making a comeback, kids casually saying things they probably shouldn't, and Ian trying out new cartridges because the current ones keep clogging. From there, Robby gets ready for Alaska, talks airport arrival habits, and Ian tells the story of Asher wanting to build a giant Zane/Ninjago mech with Robby when he visits. We then get into Power Rangers Megazords, Samsonite being “way off,” and Ian's unexpected shoplifter takedown after seeing a security guard chasing someone through the shops. The episode also covers Riverside/Starlink connection problems, tailgaters being absolute idiots, fast-lane campers, Autobahn dreams, Robby's floaty '66 Mustang, Ian's dad's Econoline van, driving old vehicles in the heat with no AC, Alani Witch's Brew hoarding, panic-buying toilet paper, lettuce recalls, stomach bugs, norovirus horror stories, and the emergency bathroom strategy of choosing whether the toilet or bathtub gets sacrificed first. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E44, we bring Jackson on for the first time and immediately get into Europe, Tucson heat, brick houses that refuse to cool down, and why Ian's biggest complaint is still no AC. Jackson talks about his new private jet flying gig, hitting 49 out of 50 states, Alaska float planes, bush pilots, scary little-plane stories, and why he is absolutely not a water-plane guy. We also get into The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, buying art in Europe and accidentally paying more for shipping than the artwork, trains versus planes, getting stuck on the Dallas airport Skylink, flying railroad security for BNSF, catching people by the tracks with heat cameras, and why train thieves apparently wait for thunderstorms. From there, we talk mechanic life, airline benefits, brutal ramp temperatures, Phoenix heat shutting down takeoffs, negative-fifty cold, Robby's climatic lab memories, cigars, vapes, car wraps, rust, Japan's strict JCI inspections, Jackson's GTI engine disaster, Robby's Beetle still needing wiring and a motor, fun little manual cars, EcoSport Mario Kart energy, drunk Facebook Marketplace decisions, and buying a turbo Beetle because the guy actually drove it down to Tucson. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E43, we start off talking GTA 5 money grinds, warehouses, motorcycle club missions, selling “math,” Coca-Cola, Mary Jane, counterfeit cash, forged documents, nightclub work, bunker runs, and Robby trying to make enough fake money to keep himself entertained before GTA 6. From there, we get into Lego Batman: Legacy of the Dark Knight, Batgirl's annoying hacking mechanic, bad internet, recording locations, Ian's house plans, writing down ideas, conspiracy theory shows, The Simpsons predicting everything, Kamala possibly running again, insane grocery prices, Texas beef somehow still being expensive, raw dog-diet ideas, pig ears, chicken feet, frozen banana treats, and Ian's trip to Felixstowe beach. We also talk about Ian's recent back procedure, tailbone soreness, scar tissue, catheter injections, Robby's heart attack and widow-maker blockage, how much better blood flow can change everything, brain power, Lucy, telekinesis, bloodbending from Avatar, why Ian needs to watch the cartoon, One Piece being way too many episodes, Dragon Ball Z Kai cutting out the fluff, and Robby debating whether to drive the Mustang to work. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E42, we kick things off with Robby doom scrolling One Piece and GTA videos while Ian talks through house plans, office garage dreams, fire pits, fans for the kids' rooms, and eventually getting AC installed. From there, Slinky's cone-head chaos takes over, along with dog feeding routines, Roxy stealing leftovers, giant cow bones, Starlink problems, and Riverside turning Robby into full Megatron mid-conversation. We also get into how we categorize friendships, why some people are long-distance friends versus in-person friends, trying to animate podcast reels, Robby's baseball game, broken bats, expensive parking, mosquito traps, Japan earthquakes, memories of the 2011 disaster relief trip to Minamisanriku, parking-lot etiquette when cars are backing out, Texas Walmart chaos, “People of Walmart” energy, Robby's painted nails and flip-flop uniform, and finally discovering that his Peaky Blinders-looking hat is apparently an Irish flat cap. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E41, we bring John back on and immediately get into retired “love me walls,” coins, shadow boxes, Robby definitely not smoking tobacco in Oregon, Jessie chewing rocks, and whether certain people looked like they grew up eating limestone. From there, we talk big-head headset problems, carbonated “water,” Robby getting caught at the bar when he was supposed to be recording with John and Ian, Riverside connection issues, Brooke having a boyfriend, John teaching his daughters real-world car skills, jump-starting cars, changing tires, oil changes, and why kids should know how to handle basic mechanical problems. We also get into old-man driving habits, having fewer friends after the military, hanging out at the bar just to see familiar people, tattoo ideas drawn by kids, architecture and video game art plans, extroverted versus introverted kids, Asher's nonstop energy, Coraline as a comfort movie, turning podcast reels into animation, hating the sound of your own voice, customer-service personalities, blunt post-military workplace problems, shutting down John's gym after burning himself out, mini-stroke warnings, slowing down after forty, and the dream of paying everything off before getting a chill job at AutoZone for car-part discounts.Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E40, we start with Ian trying to have a sincere heterosexual-life-mate moment before Riverside immediately tries to ruin it with connection issues. From there, Ian talks about the London trip with the family, Asher walking all day without complaining, bumblebees checking out his toy bow and arrow, and the weird balance between letting kids burn off energy versus handing them an iPad. We also get into Slinky getting his nuts taken, Roxy needing approval after barking at everything, brutal Texas heat, and then fully derail into time travel, alternate realities, sacred timelines, whether one country could secretly control time travel, infinite universes, alien civilizations, whether they'd come in peace or murder-death-kill us, the size of the observable universe, black holes, gravity, time, and whether a black hole is really just mass or a tear through spacetime sucking in light. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E39, Ian and Robby start off getting into forgotten water, forgotten phone cords, grocery runs, crock-pot spaghetti sauce dreams, and whether pasta cooked directly in sauce would be genius or absolute mush. From there, we talk Robby getting called into work early, the ongoing beard and mustache maintenance saga, Movember plans, shoehorn mustaches, Oscar and his twin brother looking like real-life Hagrids, and Robby accidentally creating a cursed Voldemort soundboard moment. We also get into beard dye, ginger beard energy, ONE Championship knockouts, lip cuts, elbows, mouth injuries, weird body facts, flatworms eating and crapping through the same hole, fish creating sand, old human remains, Spain's World Cup conversation, soccer versus football versus fútbol, rugby being violent as hell, sumo, and Ian barely making it to the outro before the internet tried to kick him off again. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S1E1, we officially kick off Two Assholes on a Mic with Ian and Robby introducing themselves, explaining how the podcast came together, and immediately proving there was never going to be a strict plan. We talk possible podcast names, the origin of “Kiegel,” British breakfast crimes, Schöfferhofer, Dragon's Milk tasting like farts, Apple Crown versus Jim Beam Apple, and why most of this show is really just two friends drinking and talking shit. We also get into Ian's military-kid background, Lakenheath, meeting Kirstie, the legendary “Karasty” Starbucks cup, Misawa memories, drifting in the bongo, Joy's burger getting thrown into the yard, and Robby's path from Kodiak to Nellis, Japan, Edwards, and Texas. The episode also touches on Robby meeting Erin, their family, Willow's medical journey and passing, the fight to change Texas law, Whatnot LEGO streams, retirement, and why this podcast is meant to be a place for venting, laughing, telling stories, and seeing where the conversation goes. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E38, we start with a creepy Skype story from Ian's time in Korea before getting into Robby sleeping thirteen and a half hours, waking up sore but mentally refreshed, and somehow turning that into a theory about humans tossing and turning for survival. From there, we talk Fortnite mobile players being way too good, self-revives, Ian taking Kai and Asher metal detecting, finding absolutely nothing but nails and earthy “steaks,” and the difference between kids who love getting dirty and kids who want nothing to do with it. We also get into Misawa versus Edwards outdoor life, Robby's increasingly powerful mustache, beard and mustache competitions, Slinky getting stickers stuck in his ear, miniature dachshunds, Neil Armstrong and the moon landing debate, conspiracy rabbit holes, animal control chasing neighborhood goats, whether goats could help Robby defeat the sticker weeds, and why the real problem is keeping them off the vehicles. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E37, we accidentally start with the fastest outro-intro combo ever before getting straight into Robby waking up to emergency poop pains and both of us comparing unfortunate shit-yourself stories. From there, we get into payday beers, no-judgment rules, Ian bouncing back from a rough work week, and Robby realizing that working with Hannah may not be the issue as much as his own delayed hearing and processing in a loud bar. We also talk about people being confidently wrong, the weird contradiction of having a strong work ethic but being lazy at home, video game burnout, World of Warcraft achievements, digital gratification, Robby's old four-wheeler, Ian disappearing mid-recording, and Robby carrying the end of the episode solo with dog updates, Whatnot plugs, no wasp attacks, and a surprisingly peaceful moment watching trees move in the wind. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E36, we start off with Robby getting attacked by a wasp seconds into the episode before Ian talks through one of those chaotic adult-life days where everything seems to go wrong at once. From there, we shift into rainy-day nostalgia, kids running around outside, puddles, homemade sailboats, and missing those simple days when getting soaked in the rain was the whole point. We also get into Robby's casino trip, losing money because the pool was closed, almost winning big, the weird disappointment of lottery payouts, Lisa Frank nails, Trapper Keepers, the Winstar casino, Dallas trip ideas, London show plans, Alaska flights, Space-A and “grey tail” travel, Roxy trying to “vurp” in Robby's face, Slinky's stickers, UK school breaks, and the very important seventh-grade mission of establishing dominance. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E35, we bring on Christopher Smith, the man responsible for calling Ian a Bag O'Douche in his book, and catch up on retirement life, work-from-home setups, gaming headsets, getting older, getting fatter, getting skinnier, and Chris immediately talking shit about Ian having no AC in the UK. From there, we get into CPAP machines, dry-mouth dragon breathing, brutal electric bills, GLP-1s, portion control, running, whiskey collections, and an old deployment gym story involving Robby, pre-workout, and bathroom destruction that apparently sounded like a mortar attack. We also talk about the “she is autism” story, Ian's Texas visit, retirement routines, regular bar spots, LEGO Batman, Star Wars: Rebuild the Galaxy, World of Warcraft, Path of Exile, Diablo, GTA, Phasmophobia, Ian's endless house-buying process, whether he'll stay in England, Misawa dreams, Florida plans, Halloween houses, weather, climate arguments, flat-earthers, and Chris wrapping it up by saying he misses the boys and wants to catch up more often. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E34, we start with Robby's Slingshot finally getting towed off for repairs and a questionable vet adventure involving Slinky, a fresh stool sample, and front-desk confusion that makes absolutely no sense. From there, we get into another update on Ian's house paperwork, mortgage deeds, witnesses, surveys, and the painfully slow UK house-buying process. We also talk about God Save the King still sounding weird, giant cicada killer wasps, mud daubers, bumblebees, using leaf blowers to clean dog fur, Chris coming on the podcast, Wing Wednesday, carnivore diet plans, local butchers, steak cuts, tomahawks, THC-A loopholes, Texas needing to just legalize it already, religion staying out of people's business, and the shocking amount of time Robby spends oiling, brushing, straightening, waxing, and weaponizing that mustache before work. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E33, we start off with a slightly cursed intro before getting into Robby's plan to finally get the Slingshot picked up and looked at, Ian having one of those disconnected “don't want to deal with anything” days, and a heavier detour into crime stories, scams, and why people can be absolute trash sometimes. From there, we lighten things back up with Robby offering to send over some no-box LEGO sets for the kids, Ian picking up a Batman LEGO set for Kai, and Robby talking about taking a quick Oklahoma “tobacco” trip before spending the night in GTA chasing random players around in a cop car. We also get into GTA roleplay servers, GTA 6 hopes, PlayStation versus Xbox, racing games, Forza, Gran Turismo, streaming games live, building gaming PCs, outdated gaming laptops, and somehow end on a clean run with no spam calls or dog chaos. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E32, we start off sweating through another round of Texas garage heat and UK weather talk before Robby gives an update on finally selling the trailer and getting the Slingshot lined up for a tow, repair, and possible sale. From there, Ian drops the big news that the house contract has finally arrived and been signed, which leads into the usual comparison of how painfully slow the UK house-buying process feels compared to the States. We also get into garage cleanouts, weed whacking, property easements, magnolia trees, tattoo ideas, teenage attitude voices, Brooke writing her own stories, Black Mirror, Love, Death & Robots, The Ultimate Fighter, One Piece, Dragon Ball Daima, rewatching The X-Files, childhood sewer-monster trauma, wasp flybys, and why Robby's tattoos apparently go through seasonal phases like the moon. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E31, we bring on our old friend Chance Cunningham and catch up on life after the Air Force. We talk about Chance retiring out of Fairchild, getting medically retired after 21 and a half years, rolling straight into his VA rating, and what it feels like to finally collect the retirement we all beat ourselves up for. From there, we get into kids, college, GI Bill benefits, CCAF/EPR bullet chasing, Course 14/15, NCOA, Crash School, online classes, and why some of us just wanted to do the job without all the extra blue nonsense. We also talk Volkswagens, Mustangs, project cars, welding floor pans, Texas heat versus UK houses with no AC, weight loss, carnivore dieting, Ozempic-style shots, and how retirement can quietly get lonely when you go from seeing your people every day to barely knowing anyone nearby. That leads into a surprisingly honest VFW realization: maybe all those old heads weren't just sitting around telling stories for no reason — maybe they missed the same thing we're starting to miss now. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E30, we kick things off with Ian sweating through the UK heat with no AC while Robby enjoys his precious American cooling. From there, we get into the latest mystery with Kirstie's car, diesel particulate filters, oil dilution, check engine lights that disappear at the worst possible time, and why modern cars are a pain in the ass. We also talk Slinky getting attacked by stickers, Robby losing money at poker, hole-in-the-wall taco spots, horchata, Texas construction, Tiger Woods apparently ruining the roads, esports, Masters of the Universe, and another deep dive into Dragon Ball Z, Daima, Buu, Uub, and why the ending pissed Robby off. Then we somehow end up on fighting anime, dog neutering versus human vasectomies, testicular cancer in dogs, cones versus body sleeves, Comic Con plans, Wing Wednesday dread, regulars at the bar, and Robby possibly needing an Oklahoma casino trip. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E29, we start with Robby showing off a new Sonic LEGO set, Knuckles, Rogue, dual-molded minifig legs, and whether custom 3D-printed LEGO figs are actually a thing. From there, we get into Robby's bar schedule, learning drinks, wine pours, being a “15% handicap” behind the bar, Ian accidentally calling a coworker the wrong name, Uncle Buzz, LEGO reward points, gift cards, kids getting spending money, and trying to push them toward jobs and earning their own cash. We also talk about teenage anxiety, social batteries, feeling guilty when we're out too long, ADHD, auditory processing disorder, Whatnot friends, and finish with Robby telling the story of accidentally traumatizing Autumn with light-up shoes and fake alien attacks in the Edwards desert. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E28, we kick things off with full dad-mode chaos, dog hair everywhere, and Slinky demanding attention like usual. From there, we get into Slinky's stinky feet, dogs sweating through their paws, baby teeth, Roxy trying to sit on Robby, USA versus Australia, clogged “tobacco” carts, pipe cleaners, future podcast guest ideas, becoming a better parent with age, Autumn's online art contest, summer plans, camping, Alaska, Lego Batman, Fortnite, Forza, PlayStation Plus, and why Robby still doesn't fully trust digital games. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E27, we start with Slinky getting seeds and eye goop picked out, Robby waking up in full existential “what am I doing with my life” mode, and Ian talking about the problem with wanting a relaxing “tobacco” morning when you still have places to be. From there, we get into Robby's chaotic Wing Wednesday shift, the many versions of his name at work, UK office heat with no AC, tiny desk fans, Alani energy drink flavors, job satisfaction, expo chaos, yaki, gyoza, and why Japanese barbecue sauce beats regular barbecue sauce. Then the episode fully derails into the real question: why do people call someone weak a “pussy” when testicles are clearly the fragile ones? We break down the logic, build a new insult vocabulary, and land on “ball bag,” “testicular energy,” and “you don't have to get all scrotal about it.” Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E26, we kick things off with Slinky, Roxy's heavy-breathing ass, and Robby showing off his ridiculous Toy Story-themed nails. From there, we get into LEGO pop culture figs, Venomized characters, missing pieces, Batgirl parts that have to stay with Willow's collection, and somehow end up talking about whether riding on the back of a garbage truck would be fun for about a week. We also talk electric vehicles, charging infrastructure, sleep schedules, old mid-shift drinking habits, going live versus keeping the podcast audio-only, pipe screens, “tobacco,” Texas heat versus UK weather, AC in British houses, giant wasps doing Top Gun flybys, Top Gun: Maverick, fighter jets overhead, Misawa swapping F-16s for F-35s, and whether a job in Japan would be enough to make Robby quit “tobacco” and disappear across the world. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E25, we start with Slinky covered in stickers, dog hair everywhere, and Robby debating whether Slinky's “newts” need to go after he marks one of the LEGO boxes. From there, we talk about brushing Slinky and Roxy, Roxy's guard-dog energy, bite strength, and how weirdly gentle she gets when taking treats. The episode then shifts into Ian's ongoing Range Rover nightmare, including the P0341 camshaft position sensor code, the possible timing chain issue, and the brutal £6,000 repair quote. We also get into whether it makes more sense to fix it, trade it in, or sell it to a dealership, before somehow ending up on COVID car prices, Robby's possibly broken toe, dog bite stories, future dog options, pipe screens, frozen video delays, and the unforgettable birth of “Dick Falange.” Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E24, we start off talking about online Goodwill LEGO lots, giant pallets of mystery bricks, Robby's day running around with Autumn, and Kirstie's birthday plans. From there, we get into Dragon Ball, including Robby's hatred for the Vegito-inside-Buu episode and Ian getting closer to the Tournament of Power. We also talk rare Atlantis LEGO figs, old Star Trek toys, childhood collectibles, pawned comics, Robin Hood, Waterworld, comfort-watching old movies, and why familiar shows like Rick and Morty and Gravity Falls are easy background noise. Then the episode takes a turn when Kirstie's Range Rover throws a check engine light, leading to live troubleshooting, dealership diagnostic fee complaints, dream replacement cars, Audi wagons, CTS-V wagons, Dean impulse-buying a Corvette, and a camshaft position sensor code that may or may not point toward timing chain bullshit. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E23, we bring on Rodney, also known as Cuban Bee, and catch up on life after the military. We talk about his move to Florida, retiring in 2023, getting his A&P, teaching aviation maintenance, buying a dream home, and raising two young kids after spending the first decade of marriage travelling and enjoying life. From there, we get into old crash recovery memories, the car crash Ian and Rodney somehow walked away from, life in England, Florida and Texas heat, medical cannabis versus tobacco, working at a sports bar, weight loss, old video games, Call of Duty, GTA, Need for Speed Underground, kids, patches, going back to school, and the reality of being retired but still tired as hell. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E22, we bring on our old Misawa coworker and friend, Josh, to catch up after years of not talking. We get into Josh's retirement life, small-town Arizona living, the opportunity to take over a machine shop, and how machining heads and building engines scratches that old maintenance itch without all the military bullshit from above. From there, we talk about missing the satisfaction of turning wrenches, old crew chief days, small-town life, retirement routines, car projects, Ian's future GTR plans, Josh's '65 and '66 Mustangs, Robby's family truck, painted nails, Whatnot streams, LEGO selling, and the weird balance between hobbies, side hustles, and actual work. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S1E21, we fight through another round of technical difficulties, audio delays, reconnecting issues, and Ian's car trying to hijack the Bluetooth mid-recording. Once we finally get rolling, we talk watermelon flavors, Robby's LEGO zombie Captain America build, weird word mix-ups, missing LEGO parts, Joy's legendary pronunciations, Brooke becoming the cat whisperer, and whether Robby needs a Maine Coon to handle the mouse situation in his garage. We also get into Roxy and Slinky getting brushed, picking up a new Spotify follower, upcoming guests, Slingshot towing and diagnostics, dealership fees, SpaceX and Starlink satellite launches, rocket test explosions, garage wasps, mud daubers, F-35s flying overhead, and why F-15s still sound louder than damn near everything. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E20, we start by talking through the joys of recording issues, missing audio, Bluetooth problems, and the mystery of why some spam calls kill the track and others don't. From there, we get into missing LEGO pieces, memories of Joy, Brooke becoming the cat whisperer, whether cats are useful house tools, overly happy coffee shop workers, and why Green Bean coffee downrange still hits different. We also talk about Robby's otter-like dog Slinky, mowing windows between rainstorms, missing proper thunderstorms, watching for tornadoes from the garage, a wild lightning strike story, giant wasps, mosquito bites, and the important debate of whether you “itch” or “scratch” your leg. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E19, we start with Ian passing his UK driving theory and hazard perception test, including why the hazard section feels odd when you've already been driving for years. We also talk about Kirstie getting back into work, Ian helping out at the Suffolk Show with science activities for kids, and then go off on a run of random movie quotes from Joe Dirt, Anchorman, and Talladega Nights. After that point, Robby's audio track cuts out, but the conversation keeps rolling through spam calls, Brooke possibly becoming a feral cat whisperer, birthday plans, finding a local pub, the weird math behind only needing 33 one-on-one wins to be the last person on Earth, and how Instagram and Facebook somehow feed us completely different kinds of nonsense. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E18, we talk through Robby redoing the Mustang shocks, helping with an oil change, and the never-ending debate between keeping things old-school or upgrading to coilovers. Ian recaps a packed beach day, a failed attempt at metal detecting, and a new tattoo idea involving Ultra Instinct Goku, Ultra Ego Vegeta, anime panels, and space-themed designs. We also get into LEGO side-hustle talk, old friends we should bring onto the podcast, classic car meets, and why the Slingshot might be too damn fun to sell. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E17, we get into Ian forgetting to charge his smoke setup, Robby dodging another day of work, and the questionable origins of drinking beer from a boot. From there, we debate breaded versus naked wings, talk beard maintenance in the heat, check in on Ian's mailed package, and spend a healthy amount of time discussing Roxy, Slinky, dog farts, guard-dog behaviour, and why watching dogs crunch through duck heads is apparently entertaining to both of us. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E16, we get into Robby selling off some of his LEGO collection, Ian's house purchase and plans to hammer down the mortgage, and whether a five-pound steak challenge is actually doable. Along the way, Kai drops into the conversation, we talk family life, hard water, housework, legal weed, Ian's productive day at work, Robby's never-ending Mustang repairs, and one fly that refuses to leave him the hell alone. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E15, we kick things off with Robby's garage run-in with a rattlesnake and Slinky's questionable attempt to claim the kill. From there, we get into gas prices and the proposed federal gas tax suspension, remember the freedom of riding bikes everywhere as kids, talk LEGO side hustles, APO shipping restrictions, and finish with an update on Ian's house purchase—and Robby's very subtle message for the current owners. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, we bounce from garage smoke, bong mishaps, and random weekend plans into a surprisingly real conversation about retirement, Social Security, taxes, and whether people should catch a break after working their whole lives. We also get into insurance headaches, hail damage, car plans, mystery construction next door, missed Wing Wednesday, future road trips, and the usual mix of family updates and random bullshit that somehow becomes a full conversation. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn S2E13, we bring on Niko, aka Bean, and get into life after the military, work travel, living out in Georgia, raising ducks, and trying to balance a normal life with expensive car habits. We bounce through gas prices, EV frustration, Supras, GTR dreams, daily drivers, home projects, and the usual random turns into property, animals, retirement plans, and figuring out how much we really want to keep working. It's another laid-back guest episode that feels like old friends catching up and talking shit about life, cars, and everything in between. Support the show