Where's the Lemonade?

Is your marriage stuck in a rut??Darren and Paige have been talking recently about being stuck in a rut, kind of bored, and very predictable. When they aren't traveling or at something for the kids, they watch a show. Until the show ends, they are in a show hole. Or they go out to dinner, but what else can you do…A few weeks ago, they would go out on a date. Paige made 2 jars with restaurants to take the “where should we go” out of it. Then Paige had an idea for a date. Head to Kohls and you each pick out two outfits for each other to try on, something you would like to see your partner in (Paige said no lingerie). Then they went into a big dressing room and had a lot of fun trying on clothes together and seeing what each other would pick out. What else can we do to not be bored:Could you ask yourself why you feel bored?-It's important not to try to fix boredom but to consider the reason behind your feelings.You can take responsibility for changing.- Now that you've assessed the issues around why your marriage has become stale, maybe it's time to make a change. Babysitter for young children, dinner, day trip, weekend getaway. Make it your job to think outside the box and step out of the ordinary.Consider what you used to do when you weren't bored. - When you first got married, you probably made eye contact in conversation and focused on one another. Sometimes, familiarity needs to be revisited. There are emotions and stories that only you share. You can take a trip down memory lane.Be Spontaneous.Change up your routine. Have a picnic. Instead of turning on the TV, turn on some music and dance. If you are bored with your routine, change it. You do that when you decide to be spontaneous.You can start a new habit together.To avoid a boring marriage, it might be time to do something exciting together. Maybe decide to make one day a week special, like Milkshake Monday. Take a class together. Grow and learn together. The article used in the podcast. https://www.markmerrill.com/5-things-boring-marriage/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren & Paige, the hosts of "Where's the Lemonade?" recently sparked debate with their episode discussing whether leaving young kids unattended is okay. While opinions vary on appropriate ages and circumstances, most agree child maturity levels differ. This complex issue has many gray areas.Viral Story Prompts DiscussionThe conversation began when co-host Darren read a viral story about a woman who spotted two young siblings left alone for an extended time at SeaWorld while the parents rode rollercoasters. This prompted the hosts to explore whether this constitutes neglectful parenting or a reasonable level of independence.Cultural and Generational DifferencesDarren and Paige note that attitudes toward leaving kids unattended vary by culture. Some countries like Finland commonly go babies outside in strollers alone. They speculate whether American parents are overly cautious due to heightened abduction fears. As kids themselves decades ago, their parents likely had different standards.Data Diving: Child Abduction StatisticsWhile kidnapping stories spread quickly online, data reveals stranger abductions are extremely rare. Out of thousands of missing child reports yearly, only 20-30 are actual abductions, per FBI statistics. Accurate information could reshape societal views on acceptable parenting choices.State Laws and Judgment CallsMost states allow parents discretion, with no set ages dictating readiness. The hosts agree each child matures differently, so fixed rules are unwise. While vigilance is vital, granting needed independence should be weighed carefully rather than judged harshly. Open minds and compassion for others allow thoughtful discussion on this complex issue.Lemonade Moment of the weekThe boys are headed back to school, which gives more structure to our lives, but we are also losing another kid to College this year. We will miss having Madeline around.Links https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidnapping_in_the_United_States# https://www.pennlive.com/news/2019/07/attempted-abductions-by-strangers-is-very-rare-expert.html ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We just had a wedding!! Julianne and Boyd were married this past weekend and it made us think about the balancing act that they had to do between 3 different families. How can we help them in their balancing act? There are always going to be big events  that you have to attend with your coparent and possibly a significant other. How  can we make this easier on the kids?Over time this evolves too. It can also ebb and flow depending on your relationship with your ex.Polite and friendly should be the very least you should do. Dear Mom and Dad,The operative word here Mom and Dad is My events. You are a guest here and I ask you to act accordingly. My events include but are not limited to:1. My teacher's conferences.2. My athletic events.3. My musical recitals.4. My birthday party.5. My school plays.6. My school graduationsAnd later7. My Prom8. My going to college9. My weddingSo here are some guidelines which I ask if you can't follow, best you postpone coming until you can.Your Divorce, My EventMy life outside my family's divorce is very important to me. It is also what keeps me sane in this world called “figuring out two houses by myself.” Whenever I play soccer, I only want to focus on playing soccer. If divorced parents come to watch our games, I don't want the two of you to stand out. I also prefer you don't rush to bring your latest “squeeze” and I won't be able to tell you my preference. When you both have new people in your life, Dad I don't want you to call Mom's BF a Pr$%^& and Mom I don't want you to call Dad's GF a Wh)(&^*. Yes, this has happened to other kids way too often.If you use my events to vent your anger at each other, I suffer the most. I am embarrassed, ashamed, and I let my team down because I can't focus on the game. Keep your divorce out of my events! Don't use my events for your anger.Be concerned about me!Whenever you come to my teacher's conference remember why you are there. Hopefully, you are there to see how I am adjusting to being the child of divorced parents. My teacher's conference is not a place for you to compete for who is being a better parent. Ask my teacher how she thinks I am doing and what you can do to be a better parent for Me! My teacher's conference is an opportunity for you to find out about my welfare. It is an opportunity for you both to make my life easier by listening to my teacher's recommendations.Respect Me!My school graduations, music recitals, school plays, and even my birthday are my events. Therefore, Once again you are a guest! Ask me if I have any requests from you. Do I care if you sit together or apart? Let me know who is bringing me and who is taking me home. If you have feelings about any of the logistics, work it out with your therapist.I understand if I have one or two contentious divorced parents you will always sit away from each other. Don't scream or yell at each other it is my event. Never try to make me feel guilty if I hug both of you and am nice to both of you. Don't tell me I can't say Hi to my other parent or even try to keep me from greeting my other parent. Yes, this also happens all too often to kids. Once again remember this is an important event for me. Remember it is not about either of you!Move OnThe more you do your inner work and move on from the divorce the better things will be for me. I don't want to be your confidant. I have to figure out love after going through the trauma of my parent's divorce.And, I cannot figure out your love life so zip it. When I go off to college, leave home, get married, and/or all the normal things people do, I expect you both to be focused on what I need not each other and your unfinished business. By the time I get married and I have to figure out how to handle two families to my finances one please understand. Divorce doesn't have to be the end of the world. Divorce doesn't have to be the most traumatic event of a child's life. When parents divorce as adults, get an adequate support system, reinvent themselves, and move on we all benefit. So to recap:1. Remember it is my event and you are a guest.2. Remember no anger allowed at my event.3. Remember no unfinished business at my event.4. Remember I will be greeting and hugging both of you.5. Remember ask about how I am doing if appropriate.6. Remember I want all of us to happily land on our feet.It's pretty simple really. My events are important to me and for me. Please use them to be the great parent I know you can be.Lemonade moment of the week:Broken down car, Broken garage door, Rain, cold, Nothing could stop the wedding.Links:⦁ https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/how-to-attend-an-event-as-co-parents⦁ https://backbonepower.com/etiquette-for-divorced-parents-attending-their-childs-events/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren and Paige have heard about Nacho parenting and always thought it was definitely not for them, but they only had heard about extreme Nacho parenting. After a dive into what it really is, Paige is not totally against it; she can see why some families would adopt this type of parenting in a blended family. So let's take a look.Definition of “Nachoing”:People often ask, what is Nachoing? The Facebook response is usually “Nacho Kids, Nacho Problem.” Well, not quite. The stepkids can definitely be a problem for you. It's “Nacho Kids, Nacho Responsibility.” The stepkids are not the responsibility of the stepmom/stepparent.The Nacho Kids method is a philosophy and methodology for blended families that consists of proven techniques and strategies, the psychology of human interaction, the mind, personalities, personal life experiences, and a track record of positive client results.“Nachoing” as it is often referred to as, or using the Nacho Kids method, is stepping back from situations that cause you and/or your blended relationship stress and realizing when you feel you have “no control,” you actually have the ultimate control. And that is how you let it affect you.Nachoing is to:• Treat the stepkid as you would a friend's kid.• Allow the bio parent to parent their own kid as they deem fit.• Not engaging in negative and unhealthy interactions with the stepkids.• Act as a babysitter in the absence of the bio parent.• Say nothing about, or to, the stepkids unless it's sheer praise.• Remove the target off your back and no longer be the “bad guy.”• Have no interaction with your significant other's ex (the other bio parent).• Let go of the things you cannot control and realize the ultimate control is to control how you let these things affect you.• Help the stepkid if they ask you for help. That help can be by responding with, “Go Ask Your Dad.”A breakdown of the Nacho Kids method:• Understanding you are not their mom legally, biologically, nor through osmosis or a genie in a bottle. They have a mom and a dad, and you are neither.• Learning how to step back from the chaos.• Identifying your personal triggers, the roots of those triggers, and how to avoid/cope with “unhealthy” interactions.• Understanding why the blend is so hard and how even our minds play against the blend being successful.• Focusing on your blended relationship or marriage, not the stepkids or your significant other's ex.• Being supportive of your significant other in their parenting role. It's their job to parent. It's your job to be their partner.• Creating the “stepparent” role that works best for you and your blended family.• Re-engaging with the stepkids in the role you designed to fit your blend!Lemonade Moment of the Week:Great trip with the kids to Italy. Hard time adjusting the the time change when they got back. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Ok, so we all hear the saying, "Don't go to bed Angry." You probably hear this marriage advice at almost all weddings or bridal showers. Is it that important not to go to bed angry? Paige does not subscribe to this myth at all. Just the opposite. She feels that going to sleep during an argument is like a time-out. And then, when you wake up, it doesn't seem nearly as bad. On the other hand, Darren would love to hash it out until it's all resolved and then go to bed since he usually doesn't sleep if he is in an argument.  One of the reasons that they say not to go to bed angry is because it's typically difficult to sleep if you are angry. But what could be worse than going to bed angry is staying up and arguing...Here's what might happen if you stay up and argue:1.      Become more tired.2.      Think less clearly.3.      Get angrier the later it gets.4.      Get more triggered.5.      Say worse things.6.      Get more hurt.So instead of fixating on trying to get thru this fight so that you can get to bed, focus on what would help calm the situation down. Focusing on calming the energy will help you reduce the chance you'll get to bed angry and reduce the fighting.  In 85% of couples, one person is the pursuer, and the other is the distancer.  There's no crime in being either.  Pursuers look to “finish the discussion” to reduce relationship distress.  Distancers use the strategy of pausing an argument and using natural decay of energy to reduce distress.    Work on the Calm. If the argument isn't getting resolved and you're going in circles, try to pause the situation and resume at an agreed-upon time to check-in. This does not mean you are just sweeping the argument under the rug; you still need to discuss whatever upset you, but give it a minute to calm down.  This is a complex skill to learn, pausing,  but it can be helpful with some effort. This might not work for everyone, some might want to keep going at it, but I say, get some sleep and some distance!  Lemonade moment of the week - Julianne and Boyd are getting married, and the rehearsal dinner is out of the house, accelerating the "honey-do" list to 6 six weeks instead of 3 years. Links:  https://www.heartfeltcounselingmn.com/blog/2020/1/30/marriage-myth-dont-go-to-bed-angry - Paige's opinion https://www.verywellmind.com/never-go-to-bed-angry-the-pros-and-cons-of-this-practice-5214352 - Darren's Opinion ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Let's start with a frequently asked question in divorced households: When my child goes to their dad's house, he has different rules. When they come home, they think they can do whatever they want.  I am tired of the battle. How can I help them adjust to the different house rules? This is a brilliantly asked question about a common problem in divorced households. The question is not, “How can I get my ex to parent like me or to agree with me?” By the way, if you ask your ex to do this, they will most likely NOT just because it's you asking. But the question is, “How can I help my child adjust between the two homes?” Brilliant. This is not focusing on your ex, which you have no control over; this is focusing on your child.The answer is complicated… Managing the different rules, expectations, and personalities is challenging for the entire family. This can be highly emotional, and there's likely to be some conflict as you figure out what works best for you, your child, and her father.  But you can help your child understand and respect the different expectations of each parent without battles while still enjoying the time she spends with both of you.The article we are referencing for this topic talks about perspective and how it starts with YOU. PerspectiveThink about your attitude and how you are responding to this situation. If you— understandably—feel angry or stressed, your child will likely feel this way, too. Your words, tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language all communicate how you feel.Try to take the perspective of your child's father {or mother). For example, like other divorced fathers, he may try to make up for the divorce by letting her do whatever she wants, so there is little conflict while they are together or by buying gifts to compensate for the loss. If you understand your child's father's motives, it may make this situation more manageable.Whether or not you and your child's father can work on this together, the task for you is to help your child—as you put it—“adjust between the different house rules.”• Ask your child questions encouraging a back-and-forth conversation, not just a yes or no answer. Ask: “How does it feel to have different rules at your dad's and my house?” The more your child talks about her feelings, the better she can understand and respond to other people's points of view.• Set boundaries about the rules. Although your child may like one set of rules better than the other, it's best to be direct about the fact that the rules are different, and it is her responsibility to follow both sets of rules.• Consistency and Follow Through. Keep your rules consistent, and follow through with the consequences you have decided on. Your child depends on you to stay reliable even if things feel unstable.• Focus on the Positive. If you focus on the negative or get into battles, try reinforcing positive actions by commenting on them, like: “It was so helpful that you threw the trash into the wastebasket!”• Assess Yourself. If you are upset about your child's not following your rules, ask yourself what you expect of her and of yourself. Step back and look at your perspective. Are your expectations realistic? For example, maybe your child can't finish all her homework at her father's house. See if you can reach a compromise that works for all of you.Make a plan together: This is the most critical strategy to use. When you and your child engage in a problem-solving process together, you help her learn to gain Executive Function skills.Executive Functions are the skills we use to manage our thoughts, feelings, and behavior to achieve goals. Studies have found that when children develop Executive Function skills, they are more likely to thrive now and in the future.Determine the problem. Explain to her that you often battle each other and want to devise better management methods.• Talk with her about what's most challenging for her transitioning from one home to another and from one set of rules to another. Please write down the issues she faces without any judgment.Encourage her to think of ways she might solve these problems.• Brainstorm as many ways as you can come up with to solve these problems. Again, write them down without judgment.Evaluate the solutions. Here, you ask your child to take her and others' perspectives.• Ask your daughter what will and won't work for each suggested solution. Have her consider whether it can work for her, you, and her father.Create a strategy to try out to make things better.• Decide together which strategy or strategies you will experiment with. Set a time to get back together to discuss how it works.Evaluate how the solution or solutions are working after some time has passed.• When you get together to talk about what is working and what isn't, make sure that you consider each solution from the perspectives of all involved.When your child takes some responsibility for solving the problems she faces, she is more likely to follow through on the solutions than if she's told what to do. In effect, you are giving her a skill for life!Links:https://www.kith.care/skill/divorced-parents-with-different-rulesLemonade moment of the week: Redoing the laundry room. Frustrating but slowly getting done. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

March 2020 was the beginning of a new reality for most of us—kids at home, adults at home, adult kids at home, everyone at home. As time passed, kids went back to school, but many adults continued working from home, which could be a significant change for many of us. There are so many good things about parents being at home, there for the kids, and there to help with the kids; when kids are napping, one parent can be at home while the other runs errands, so they have more time together. Some things may need improvement about both parents being at home, roles requiring clarification, and maybe too much time together. Seeing each other every day, all day, and all night might get annoying and on each other's nerves. Let's talk about how to cope with spending so much time together. Don't hold grudges:  When you are constantly together, the only way to get through the day is to either spill or let it go. Always remind yourself to let go of things that aren't important. If something is bothering you, take a minute and talk about it. Make time for each other: I know this sounds silly when you spend every day with each other, but you still need quality time together. Plan something fun to do, not just the mundane that is life. Play a game, go for a walk, go out to eat… Compromise: Spending so much time together, there are going to be things that you are struggling with that your partner is doing. You have to discuss these things and devise a compromise so you don't go crazy on each other. Maybe it's something as small as you feeling like you are constantly checked up during the day; compromise might be staying in different sections of the house until certain times, like lunch. It might be as simple as changing your approach, but discuss it and meet in the middle. Admit when you're just fed up: Sometimes, we are in a bad mood and need space. Everything the other person does gets on your nerves; you need space. Let the other person know you are having a bad day so they can be more sensitive and not take too much personally.  Time Out: Be honest if you need some time alone. Don't just be grumpy and out of sorts with each other; take time for yourself. Go for a walk by yourself, play pickleball with friends, read a book, watch a show you want to watch all by yourself, whatever you need for a few hours to get away from each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder…does it??  I hope these tips help you cope with so much time together. Please send us any suggestions you might have. Lemonade moment of the week: Paige is out of town, so Darren is busy re-doing the laundry room.Links:  https://www.bustle.com/wellness/too-much-time-together https://www.lovearoundme.com/blog/too-much-time-together-leads-to-an-unhealthy-relationship https://twogetlost.com/how-cope-spending-time-with-partner   ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

 When a relationship is new, you see the world through rose-colored glasses. Everything is fresh and new. As you look at each other, you see someone who is exciting and perfect. Even the world around you seems brighter and happier than before you found each other. In that “new” stage of a relationship, it's easy to say loving things to each other. Those sweet words come naturally when you are together and then via text or phone at all hours of the day and night apart. Over time, however, things start to change. Challenges occur, and flaws emerge. The rose-colored glasses come off, and reality sets in. This is when love begins to morph a bit.  Saying loving things toward each other takes a bit more effort. Love takes more effort, but practice makes perfect! As you weather storms together, you develop a more profound love and appreciation for each other than ever before.If you've been out of that “new” stage for a while and need some ideas to freshen your love up, here we go: YOU LOOK GREAT! Compliments work and mean a lot. Don't hold back. We need to hear it! THANK YOU! After you've been together for a while, taking each other for granted is normal. Thank you is very simple and extremely important. It's saying I appreciate what you do for me. I THINK YOU'RE AMAZING! We sometimes think that our partner knows magically what we are thinking. So, we stop vocalizing those thoughts. I LOVE YOU ANYWAY…When your spouse makes a mistake, it can be challenging for both of you. But what you say at that moment will have a lasting impact. When you say, “I love you anyway,” you're telling them regardless of the mistake, I will still love you. WE'LL GET THROUGH IT! This is saying we're a team, and I'm on your side. A marriage can go through many trials, and it's essential to make sure your partner feels your love through it. YES, I'D LOVE TO! Maybe the theatre or sports aren't your things, but if your spouse loves those things, show your support. If they ask you and want you to join them, do it. That may not always be the case; sometimes they may want to go with friends or family who have the same love of that thing, but when they want you to go, go. I UNDERSTAND - Saying “I understand” really says, “I get you.” It's a comfort to know that someone gets you without even really having to explain your feelings. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? One of the most basic definitions of love is putting another's needs before our own. We may find this easy for our children, but sometimes we forget to do it for our spouse. Remember to ask your spouse, “What can I do for you?” which says, “I want to support you and lessen your burden.” Sacrificing your time for something your spouse needs will strengthen your bond. I'M HERE FOR YOU! Remind your spouse that they can always count on you. Always have each other's backs. I LOVE YOU! These 3 simple words should be said every day. They confirm your care and devotion Do not let one day pass without saying loving things like these to your partner. Always ensure your spouse feels appreciated, validated, safe and secure with you. Pick several short phrases to say daily, and soon you'll feel more loving toward each other.Lemonade moment of the weekPaige and Darren attend the youngest of their children's swim meet in the snow!!!Linkshttps://www.verywellmind.com/simple-phrases-keep-you-in-love-4060485 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

This week Darren and Paige asked their listeners to submit questions that we have not addressed on the show. Some of these questions were hard to answer but we did it anyway. Check out the questions below.Have you been able to stay friends with other couples who had previously been friends with you & your ex?  If so, have those couple friends become friends with you & your new spouse?I am always interested in how couples attack the money issue…. I would say that is the hardest part of a marriage, I think kids are the hardest part of a marriage also without kids around what would there be to argue about except for money!What was the main motivation to decide to jump into the dating scene again after your divorces?Weren't you scared of getting into a relationship again? Especially with someone who was also divorced?How did you tell your kids and how did they respond when you told them you were getting remarried and they were going to have to live with step siblings etc? How hard was that?What advice would you give to someone just very recently divorced? What thoughts, attitudes, or actions help things to go well. Or, with hindsight, what things do you wish you had done differently? Any good survival tips for the frustration times during and early after?What advice do you have for someone who is a friend watching someone they love go through a divorce?How did you both deal with being in the same ward and church with Darrens ex?Lemonade Moment of the WeekThis week we went to Yosemite to take in the beautiful waterfalls and incredible views. After a great morning hiking to Vernal Falls, we decided to head over the Yosemite falls and then El Capitan. We hoped in the car and saw a line of cars blocking our way out of the Park. A rockside blocked the road out of the park. We took a detour to Currey Village for a two hour lunch to wait for the traffic to clear. Traffic appeared to be moving so we hopped in the car and headed out of the park. Four hours later we left the park, with great memories of the Park. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

 Are we saying the wrong things to our kids about the divorce??? Probably!! We think we are saying good healthy things to help our kids thru the divorce, but are we? I know we are just human and we are trying our best. But it is hard, we are stressed, emotional and have never been thru this before, so we are struggling to say the right things and hope that we are. We want to have our kids get thru this devastating life changing with as little trauma as possible.  Our research department found information from psychologists on what are some phrases we are saying to our kids that we need to stop! I guarantee that we have and maybe still are saying some of these. Lets dig in: “Your dad” or “Your mom” – that tiny addition of the word “your” creates otherness in the family. If you are now saying “your” the child is now hearing a separateness in who they are connecting with. Divorce does create changes in the family dynamic, but honoring how the child sees the parent can help keep a sense of cohesion.   Nix the “your”.  “The Situation” – You are talking with your friend and the kids are in the room and she brings up “The Situation” and how “The Situation” is affecting everyone.  “When you speak in code, it makes it seem like something sinister is going on.” The more you try to obfuscate what's happening, the more anxious and curious your kids may become. “  Say instead – There are ways to explain divorce that is less abstract. You could even mention people they know who are divorced. “It's not about you” - When your instinct is to keep your children from thinking they're to blame for the divorce, this probably feels like a totally logical and constructive response. But according to Dr. Rubenstein, this phrase isn't specific enough to quell the “well then what caused it?!” anxieties, because for kids, something had to cause it.“Children have active imaginations and can conjure many scenarios that have nothing to do with the       cause of the divorce,” she tells us. “It's not about you” also negates the fact that the divorce very much        involves your kids, which, Dr. Rubenstein explains, can wind up complicating your child's feelings and experiences and what they're willing to share with you.Say instead – You can explain that mom and dad are not getting along and don't feel they can resolve it. Grown ups have adult issues that sometimes cannot be solved, as hard as they try. “This is a good thing” – Sure,it might be a good thing for the family in the long term, but from a child's persepective…not so much. This phrase sweeps their pain under the rug. “Almost every child wants their parents to be together under one roof. Even if one parent has addiction issues, anger issues, or other things a child can observe, most children want to believe in the fairytale that somehow things will all work out. It is challenging for them to see divorce as a benefit,” Say instead – Acknowledge that this is really, really hard on everyone! That your decisions was a last resort made to have the children grown up in a home without fighting or discord.  “You will get double everything! – While this is true, most kids want two parents in the home instead of more things. This is another example of minimizing your child's feelings, even thought it done out of your desire to protect them.  Say instead – Emphasize that they will get more quality time with each parent individually. Get them excited about decorating a new room. Get their feedback on their new accomodations. “Not much will change” – This is  lie. And if you tell children a lie, they are less likely to trust you in the future. “For a child, their world is forever changed.”Say instead – Be honest that things will change, but that change is sometimes good. Yes they will miss certain traditions of family structures, but play up the realistic advantages they can expect. They will model your behavior and reactions in the face of change and learn resiliency.Lemonade moment of the weekValentines Day auction adds more neighbor kids. Links: https://www.purewow.com/family/divorced-parents-phrases-stop-saying?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=referral ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

The first year of blending families can be pretty tricky and downright horrible. In this episode, we talk about the challenges of throwing two families together and how we dealt with the obstacles we ran into.Listen to this EpisodeLove does not conquer all. For those of you that think everything has been rosy. It has not. This has brought up some tension and memories of the hard times. Sacramento Airport. We were naive enough that we thought love would be able to handle all of the problems we faced. That helped but was not enough. Everything was hard. Meshing kids. We had two 16-year-olds that were completely different from different kinds of friends. One very social and another not very social at all. You cannot force them to be friends; they don't want to be. Now they are excellent friends. Meshing rules. Is there a double standard for some of the kids? Or is everything the same? Meshing discipline. Understanding boundaries with stepkids was rigid. Older kids and younger kids. Expectations for a clean house.  Darren's idea of cleaning is picked up. Not clean. Paige wanted things cleaned. Logistics of a blended family Moving Logistics. What to keep, what to throw out? Where do we fit everything? Two households crammed into one place. Moving kids from schools, friends, and church. Etc. Paige and the kids are trying to overcome feeling like guests in the house. Finances were hardFood was hard, what to cook, what did kids like, what did they not like. How much to cook? Going to church in the same congregation as Darren's Ex-Wife Whose friends are whose?  Who can I talk to?  Who do I vent to, etc.? Going out to dinner was a challenge. Soda or water? Why was it contentious? Remember your kids in the changes Kids have such little control over the situation, so they want some control over it. Mountain Dew (Jake), Jacob with his long hair. The kids need to feel like they have some control and some say.  Marriage counseling and other help got us through it. Marriage Counseling was a big win for us. The night we got engaged was our first counseling session. Consistently working with a counselor allowed us to establish communication patterns faster. Something we needed to navigate all of the stuff we brought with us. Kids, Exes, jobs, debt, etc. Empathy – Get in the trenches with each other. Instead of getting upset with what they are feeling, try to understand it. And why they are feeling that. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Assume the best first. Don't find fault with your spouse; you will find it. Communication, laughter, alone time, intimacy, not wanting to fail. Lemonade Moment of the WeekDarren and Paige head to Las Vegas, to catch some shows and brave the strip with all the craziness. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

The week after Christmas was boring…. saying.At the beginning of a marriage, everything feels new and exciting. You've got romantic date nights planned for weeks, and what may become future annoyances are just endearing little quirks that make you love your spouse even more. But unfortunately, that honeymoon stage won't last forever. Eventually, things are going to simmer down, and you might even find yourself feeling, well, bored. You can start feeling that marriage is more like a routine than a relationship.Fighting the MonotonyLuckily, that feeling doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. All it means is that you might need to devote more time and energy to making things exciting again. Let's talk about what might be adding to the monotony of your marriage:You don't surprise each other.It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, but finding ways to surprise your spouse, whether a gift or a thoughtful act, can keep your marriage fresh. “What do you and your partner need to feel loved?” Make sure your surprises match their needs and personality.Sharing too much or not enough.You need to share more with your partner, OR you are joined at the hip! You need to bond with your partner and be vulnerable. Sharing can be the exchange of information, emotions, and experiences. Try discussing some of your fav shared experiences. It will remind you of great times and give you ideas. On the other hand, you need to be your person. Couples who spend too much time together can quickly start to feel bored. Find new hobbies of your own and have experiences away from your spouse sometimes. Then share about those.Technology is consuming you.Ok, people. Get off your phones!! This is for us as well. To avoid “phubbing,” institute some phone free time each day. Be present!!!Your not putting energy into your relationship.We initially go through our romantic stage, but a few years in, that can start to ebb a little. You need to reinvent and rekindle your relationship constantly. Be more deliberate about giving your marriage the care and attention it deserves, even after the butterflies die.Your not setting goals for your relationship.It's pivotal to establish new goals to strive for. If not, you're bound to feel unenthused about the future. Supporting and encouraging each other – whether solo or as a couple – increases love. “Happiness comes from moving toward what you want, not necessarily getting it.”We are too routine.Having a humdrum daily routine can make any relationship feel boring. Try new restaurants, new hobbies, and new places to visit. Get out of your comfort zone.Help availableThere are a lot of other examples in the articles of why we are bored and how to alleviate the boredom. We will keep you posted on how we are doing.Lemonade moment of the weekI enjoyed visiting family and grandkids. At my aunt's 80th birthday party, I saw many cousins we hadn't seen in a while. Fun dancing! Not boring!!Links this Week Boring Marriage Tips MARRIAGE MONOTONY: REDUCING RELATIONAL BOREDOM ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren and Paige have been thinking a lot about 2023. There is so much uncertainty in the future right now. Darren has had a lot of luck with his work and will continue this year. They have had friends lose their jobs, friends waiting to see if they will lose their jobs, companies changing their compensation packages, the economy is slow simmering into a recession…a lot of uncertainty.This brings a lot of anxiety and worry. The article referenced for this podcast says anxiety is our organic coping mechanism for lack of control and information. But at a certain point, anxiety about something we will never be able to control is unhelpful and even harmful. So What Can We Do???Techniques for Coping with Uncertainty:Identify and tune out unproductive worrying"Productive worries tend to lead to actions that give us more control of our environment, whereas unproductive worries make us feel even more anxious and uncertain (thus leading to a vicious cycle)," Aldao explains.With this in mind, try to differentiate how much of your worrying is productive (ensuring enough food in the house) versus unproductive (staying up all night thinking about worst-case scenarios). If you can do nothing about it, it's not yours to worry over.Something to note: Simply "tuning out" worrisome thoughts is not easy, especially for a very anxious person. That said, taking a step back and recognizing what is and isn't worth the worry can be a helpful first step.Practice MindfulnessNot our thing. It says to Feel the Chair under your butt, appreciate the texture of the food as you chew, and note the sensation from going hungry to satisfied… Okie Dokie.Develop habits and routines for a sense of control. We need structure and management on a smaller scale. Hold yourself accountable with daily exercise, changing out of PJs, and trying new recipes. Set up an activity calendar for work and fun and stick to it as much as possible. It will help with your low moods.Focus on GratitudeFind that silver lining!! Perspective is so important!!Seek out HumorWatch a funny tv show or game night with friends; humor is here and now. Takes our minds off the future and uncertainty.Don't rely on temporary distractionsDon't fill the void of uncertainty with escapist behaviors, drinking, eating, denial, etc.Accept what you can't controlEasier said than done, but acceptance is a big step toward peace of mind. Also, obsessive consumption of information -grasping for certainty – can worsen things. "Acknowledging that we can't control and change everything is essential," Aldao says. "Wanting to know and control everything fuels uncertainty. Seeking out information is vital, and keeping up with the news is important—but constantly refreshing your news and social media feeds only adds to the anxiety."How to help your spouseEmpathize with the situation and your spouse. Don't try to fix things; tell them everything will be OK, or it is not that bad. Let them have their moment. Don't let them wallow too long. Go out and do something together. Have a friend take them out to lunch or something. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We're Back!!! It has been a while since we have done a podcast, but we are getting back into the swing of things for 2023.  It was a busy year! 4 of our kids got engaged in 2022!!! So fortunate to have all these new in-laws join our family.  Let's take a look at all the things that happened this year!! January – Darren and Paige went to Palm Springs for a short getaway. Super fun! February – Girls' trip with Ilene and Jill in Sedona and then a quick trip to Utah for Zoey's birthday before Paige's surgery!  March – Quick trip to So Cal to see my mom, sister, Dallin and Alex while Darren had work meetings.  April – Saw Journey and Toto! So fun!! Then off to Idaho for Andie and Jacobs's graduation, we were supposed to head to Brazil, but Darren got COVID. So instead, we stayed home; Paige got Covid too and went to Bodega Bay. Mid-April went to Utah for Julianne's graduation.  June – Portugal, baby!!! And another trip to Utah for Mitchell's first birthday. July – We had lots of summer visitors, which we love!! August – Took the 3 amigos to San Francisco, Alcatraz and China town. September – Paige had a girls' trip to St George with our daughters. Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  October – 2 weddings!! Anna and Matthew in Atlanta worried about the rain, but it was a beautiful day. Then McKayli and Jake were married here in California. Worried about rain again, but ended up perfect.  November – Footloose baby!!!! So fun seeing Sam in the play. Loved all the performances!! Then Thanksgiving week in Europe with Andie and Jacob. Wonderful trip. December – Trip to Utah to watch the grandkids and tortured Boyd when he asked permission to marry Julianne. Then Christmas fun!  A busy but wonderful year, minus Paige's surgery. Looking forward to 2023!! 2 weddings and a family trip!! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Most marriage difficulties center around one fact, that men and women are totally different. There are emotional, mental and physical differences. We can have happier marriages if we make an effort to understand the differences.We are definitely stereotyping and generalizing, so deal with it.  Women tend to be more personal than men. Women typically have a deeper interest in people and feelings, in building relationships.  Men tend to be interested in logical deduction.  Men tend to be more challenge-and -conquer oriented, typically why they like sports. Why would a woman be less interested in a boxing match? It's because close, loving relationships are usually not developed in the ring! Also, watch what happens during many family vacations. He is challenged by the goal of driving 400 miles a day. On the other hand, she wants to stop now and then to have a snack, relax and relate. He thinks that's a waste of time because it would interfere with his goal. Men tend to be less desirous in building intimate relationships. Women are usually the ones to buy marriage books or listen/read to self help books. Women tend to find their identity in close relationships. Men tend to gain their identity through careers/work. Because of a woman's emotional identity with people and places around her, she needs more time to adjust to change. She sees that changes may affect her relationships. A man can logically deduce the benefits of a change. He gets “psyched-up” for it in a matter of minutes. This is not so, with a woman. She focuses on immediate consequences, and needs time to overcome the initial adjustment before warming up to its advantages. Physically women need touch and romantic words.  Women are typically attracted by a mans personality. A man is typically visual, doesn't need words as much as women. When a women feels hurt by her husband, she does not want physical intimacy.  Now that you know WHY men and women cannot understand their respective differences without great effort, I hope you will have more hope. I also hope you will have more patience as you endeavor to strengthen and deepen your relationship with your spouse.Lemonade moment of the week Darren went to help Jacob and Andie with their new house. Paige got some alone time. Linkshttp://marriagemissions.com/understanding-the-differences-between-men-and-women/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Ok, so here we are again in the summertime!! It is a beautiful time of year. Kids are home, enjoying a nice break from school. It's time for them to relax and chill. But what happens when their chillin involves hours and hours of screen time each day? How much is too much? Do we as parents ban screen time completely? Or limit it? Do we keep them super busy with other things? Let's dive in and see what we can figure out.Consider how you manage your families technology:Every family is different. Your schedules are different. Consider: What works well and what is currently working? Model the technology restrictions you expect from your kids. Screen time limits, will you limit by the day or by the week? Will they have things they have to do before they get on?   Setting priorities for the day, instead of monitoring minutes, could be the secret to summer happiness, thanks to less time spent nagging, pulling your hair out, and feeling guilty. Each kid is different. Some of your teenagers may have a job, sports, or camps. Their downtime might be screen time.  Seek Balance: As you consider a new strategy for managing summer screen time over the summer, it's important to seek balance. An outright ban on technology in the home can be frustrating to every family member. Is it screen time or downtime? Know the difference between active and passive screen time: Are they just playing a non-productive game or watching a mindless tv show or YouTube videos? Or are they learning something? Important to know the difference and recognize it with our kids. It's easy to see them on a screen and tell them to get off, but what are they really doing? Search out ways that they can learn on their screen. That's a win-win.  Be ok with the occasional binge. Sometimes our kids are busy from morning to night and others where they have total down time. That's ok for them to be able to chill for a day. Linkshttps://techsavvymama.com/2017/05/managing-summer-screen-time.htmlLemonade moment of the week:The boys are away at camp. Miss them but get to spend time with Madeline one on one.★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren & Paige are in Portugal for a week away from work and kids, but not podcasting. In this week's episode. Find out what they learned not to do when they travel. Some of it from personal experience. Some of it by watching other tourists standing out. :)Second Half of Portugal Sintra and Cascais- Wear great walking shoes. Dress in layers. Rain, no rain, rain, hot, rain. Lots of hills to climb on cobblestone streets and sidewalks. Lisbon on a Sunny Saturday. Incredible city. Very crowded. Everyone in Portugal was there when we were there. Must see the Monastery of Jeronimo, eat at Pastéis de Belém, Pastels de Nata (egg tarts), and walk along the Tagus River to the Tower of Belem. Walk the Rua Augusto near the Praca do Commercial. Too much to see in one day. Beach cities - Peniche, Nazare, and Praia Del Rey The hunt for a porcelain platter  Church on Sunday/ A family moved to Portugal from the states 5 years ago. Great to hear their story. Lisbon Temple on Saturday Don'ts When You Travel Don't order the food they aren't known for and expect it to be good. Mexican food in Poland. Don't go to big cities on Saturdays with good weather. Don't try and park in downtown Lisbon. Don't rely on your mobile phone service. Don't stay in the passing lane on the freeway. Everyone in Europe moves right (Except in the UK) except to pass. .Don't get offended when someone honks at you. Don't be afraid to wear comfy shoes. Don't ignore your concierge. Don't be rude to anyone. Don't be too loud. Notice what other people are doing and pay attention. Poland is a peaceful country. Don't be afraid to make new friends and talk to people. Don't forget sunscreen Don't forget to put on sunscreen that is in your backpack Don't forget to take a backpack with you. Don't park where you are not supposed to. You will get a ticket. Don't get a speeding ticket. Many European countries send you a ticket in the mail months later. Lemonade Moment of the WeekWhile Darren & Paige were in Portugal, one of the kids had an incident with the car. Everything was fine, and a friendly neighbor was there to help the situation. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

This week Darren & Paige are in Portugal. Why Portugal? You have to listen to find out. They talk about some of the travel tips they have learned over the last eleven years of traveling together, including what not to pack and how to tip your waiter.Why Portugal? Resort in Praia Del-Rei Porto Coimbra Travel tips  It might be cheaper to travel from a different airport. SFO was about half as much as flying out of SMF for use. It might be cheaper to rent a car one way than to pay for parking. Check it out before you rule it out. Stay in some place central where you can make day trips into the different cities. We have done this on multiple occasions. Plan out an itinerary but be flexible. We had a rough idea Before you fly Get snacks for the flight Try and switch to a better seat. Unless you are my flight. Have a battery backup or charger for your devices Download shows to watch before getting to the airport. Bring a blanket or sweater. Airplane temperatures are hot and cold depending on who has control of the thermostat. Check out the travel documentation requirements. Including COVID. They are changing all the time. Clothing Do your homework and pack accordingly. Light rain jackets are always good. Proper shoes or sandals. On Paige's first trip outside of the US, she brought plenty of proper shoes. Eating Tipping customs Times restaurants are open or closed. In Portugal, everything is closed down from 3-7pm. What kind of food is local in the places you are visiting. If you are visiting different cities, they have different dishes. Bring snacks in your carry-on and in your suitcases. We have been in situations when nothing was open when we landed or got to the hotel. Find the local hangouts. Ask your uber driver and even someone at the front desk. It is cheaper than the typical tourist areas. Understand the local customs with food and restaurants. Just because bread is free in America, it is not accessible in most places. They may even put it on your table and not tell you how much it costs. Hydration. We are over hydrated in the US and in Europe. Most times, the water is as expensive as soda or beer. Craziness for us. Find out if you can drink the local water. Websites should have this information. Driving and Transportation Look at the travel blogs and Reddit for tips on traveling in a foreign country. Rental cars can give you flexibility if you are exploring. Toll roads are big in almost every country in Europe.  Look at trains and subway systems for big-city transportation. Parking can take time and cost lots of money. UBER and Lyft are great alternatives. Lemonade Moment of the WeekAfter exploring Porto with sore feet and tired bodies after a long day, Darren & Paige walk along the Douro River and find a wonderful evening of music and food.★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren and Paige decided to tackle, "should you blend these two families?" It can be a colossal mistake to blend families too quickly. (says the couple who combined very quickly) There are some essential things to know before agreeing. (Do you like camping, do you want a dog, or do you want more kids??) The need for companionship can drive you too quickly. Let's talk some sobering statistics. In the U.S. 50% of first time marriages, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Ouch! Those are not good numbers. Obviously you can beat the odds if you know what you are getting into and are committed. Of course our research dept found an article listing 5 wise considerations before blending families. Paige and Darren might not have headed all these, lol, or any of them. Let's see: 1. Unload your own baggage. Grieve the loss of your marriage. Give your children attention. Give yourself and your children time to heal. Get back on your feet emotionally, financially and into new routines. Try to gain some insights about your marriage that ended, about your needs and issues. Be ready to show up differently in the next relationship.  2. Prepare yourself for the relationship you want to have and being the partner you want to be. Work on your communication, listening, and conflict resolution skills. Educate yourself about relationships; skills for success and common pitfalls. 3. Once you are dating someone, prepare your relationship by taking time to learn about each other and focus on your partnership. Have you had fights and resolved them? Met each other's families and friends? Have you learned about triggers and vulnerabilities? Are you in agreement on the BIG things? (money, religion, values, sex) 4. Prepare to blend by introducing the kids to your partner. Talk with your children about their feelings. How do they feel about this new person? They don't have to feel the same way you do about this new person, that's ok. Your children have another loss to deal with, the loss of their parents never getting back together. 5. Challenges Ahead! Relationships in blended families will not be equally close, some get along better than others. Do not force everyone to like each other. Let it develop naturally but provide the opportunities to let this happen (picnics, bowling, hiking, movies). Clarify roles of parent, step parent, co parent when it comes to discipline, payment of child expenses, time together. Counseling can be a huge help, don't resist it, give into it. Not everyone has to do all these steps to have a successful relationship, but these are some really great tips. Blending is complicated and hard, but can also be rewarding and amazing. Lemonade Moment of the WeekSchool is ending! Finals week, hard for the kids, but now it is summer!!!!Linkshttps://gabardi.com/2021/09/01/five-wise-considerations-before-blending-families/★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Is there a magic secret to a happy marriage? If we are told to do A, B, and C to make our marriage work would we do it? Do we do it? Or is it different for every single couple? Darren and Paige were curious about the tips that couples would give on how to keep a lasting marriage happy. They asked a lot of their friends and family that have been married for decades to see if there was some advice or if it is entirely different for each couple. Maybe a sense of humor isn't that important to a more severe couple but essential to another. ADVICE!!!!Lets see what our friends and family had to say about what makes a lasting marriage? Focus on your partner's strengths and try to ignore their weaknesses. Treat your partner the way that you would like to be treated. She's almost always right, so just accept it and move on. Keep your promises.Don't take each other for granted. Remember you chose each other. Try to always remember the qualities you love about them. Be fully committed.  Try not to be selfish. Don't compare your marriage to other peoples. Look at your spouse through rose-colored glasses, not a magnifying glass. We all have flaws, but constantly magnifying your spouse's flaws will make you lose sight of their best attributes. (This doesn't mean you should ignore hurtful behaviors) Mandatory walk together each day. Takes just 11 minutes, but recap the day. Praying together at night. Being willing to forgive the little things, and sometimes big things, repeatedly. (as long as your health and safety are not at stake) Weekly date to connect. Do fun things together and find humor in everything you can.  Be a good listener and be interested. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Learn how to enjoy intimacy, it shouldn't be a chore, and you can learn to enjoy it together. Care about your spouse's happiness more than your own. Find what you have in common. Mutual respect. This might be a fun list to go thru with your spouse and see if there are a few things you want to start doing or talk about. Lemonade Moment of the WeekHeidi fell in the pool. Poor baby. Linkshttps://www.brides.com/marriage-secrets-from-married-couples-5184605★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren and Paige had a different podcast subject planned for today. However, after Mother's Day came around, we saw a lot of feelings around this day and thought we would do another episode on this topic. This day is hard for many; how can we make it better????Mother's Day is supposed to be an amazing day!!! Right?So here is another Mother's Day in the books. How was it for all of you? Were your expectations met? Managed? Complete disappointment? This is already sometimes a difficult day for women for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because of unmet expectations. I'm sure some very nice person came up with Mother's Day thinking what a nice thing, to have a whole day to make moms feel special...they had no idea what they were creating. Women can build up this day as a kind of reward for the other 364. When this day arrives and it is not the blissful fantasy we have in our minds, it falls short and reality hits. Now add in the complication of a blended family and oh boy, tricky.What can we do to help the day be a happy one? Plan a group event. Fun to be with many people, friends and family. Helps the focus be off of just you (if you want that). This is not for you is you want all the attention on you. Figure out what is best for your situation. Be specific with gift giving or risk getting a toaster. Some men are great at gift giving and plan creative things way in advance. Most are not. BE BOLD! Don't drop hints that he will not decipher. Be specific, very specific. Maybe have an Amazon list to share with family. If money is an issue, make sure to let it known that you want a card from everyone. Or you want a few hours to yourself, or watch a movie you pick. Let them know in advance you would like a nice breakfast made by not you. Get out there what you want. Not in a bratty way, in a nice, I'm helping you out kind of way. Remember the kids. This is for a blended family specifically. Remember that your children probably did not ask to have a mother and a stepmother in their lives, they have had to adjust to the decisions made around them. Don't make this harder by making them choose who they have to make feel the most special. Let them focus on their mom on this day, if she is in their lives. Pick another day to celebrate with them if that is what you want.  Curb expectations. If you are hoping that your children will make some grand gesture to prove that they love you more than anyone else in the world, you are being unrealistic and a little unreasonable. Set expectations low and reasonable and be pleasantly surprised if it exceeds them. Don't overthink it. Mother's Day is a special occasion, but it is not the end all be all. If things don't work out exactly as you had hoped, don't assume that it is an indication of how your family feels about you. Resist the urge to indulge in self-pity and remind yourself that everyone is trying their best, even if it doesn't live up the the day you've created in your mind.  We all approach Mother's Day with hopes and expectations. Sit down and take 5 minutes and figure out what those (reasonably) are and then communicate to your spouse or/and kids, what you need. Lemonade Moment of the WeekTwo of our boys get engaged. No lemons this week just lemonade.Links https://www.mightymoms.club/mothers/mothers-day-disappointment/ https://www.socialmoms.com/know/parenting-2/navigating-mothers-day-in-blended-families/ French Toast Recipe - Bake in the oven for 12-15 minutes at 350. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

This week, Darren and Paige discuss tips and tricks to help with a problematic co-parenting situation. This is hard stuff!! You are divorced for a reason, and now you still have to make many decisions together around the children. Let's dive in!It's not always rosy after a divorce. In fact it rarely is...So you've made the decision to divorce. Sad. Now you have to co-parent with the person that you decided, for whatever reasons, to not be with anymore. Now parenting will be easy with your spouse/significant other gone, right? Oh, heck no. It is SOOOO much harder, especially in the beginning. Those little things you disliked about your spouse are now huge. And sometimes you just want to stick it to the other, just for kicks. But that is not what is best for the kiddos involved. Not at all. But how do we continue to parent when we disagree, don't get along, and just want the ex to go along with whatever I say because I am right! Here are tips on co-parenting with someone you don't agree with: Set boundaries with your kids. Sometimes we want to be the "fun" parent after a divorce. Kids need consistency. We don't want them to grow up entitled little brats because of our insecurities as a parent. We may be viewed as the "non-fun, serious house," but the kids need boundaries and will thank you later in life. Do not criticize your co-parent in front of the kids or to just anyone who will listen. This is confusing and hurtful to the kids. Also, do not let the kids speak disrespectfully about the other parent. They can vent respectfully.  Be a team. This will be hard, especially at first. The kids need to see a united front if possible. You will have significant decisions about the kids, and it will only hurt them if they know you are divided on certain things and will confuse them. Focus on your child's needs. You may think that this goes without saying, but sometimes you are focused on your anger at your ex, and you have a hard time focusing on your child. Adopt a business-like attitude; the business is the children. Talk only about the children.  Don't talk on the phone. This is especially true in the beginning or if you just constantly argue. Communicate thru texts or emails to give yourself a minute to think and act rationally. This will also let you respond to some things and not to others. Also will give you evidence should you need it one day for court; let's hope not. Don't expect too much. Manage your expectations. It could go either way after the split. They might step up and be a better parent or not.  Have a support system. Many days, you feel like it is just too much dealing with your ex. It can be very hard. Have that one friend or family member you can vent to and maybe get advice from. Don't vent to everyone!!! Pick a few people that you trust. Go to court if you must. If you have tried everything and it is not getting any better, you will go. This is the LAST resort. There is usually no winner in court. It can get ugly. Let the past go. Let it go, Let it go! To succeed in co-parenting, you need to let go of the anger and resentment and start anew. It is no longer about your ex's feelings; it is about the kids. Kids' best interest, repeat frequently. You can do it!! It can be a roller coaster at times. Buckle up and try to enjoy the ride!!Lemonade Moment of the WeekThe last person in our house finally gets COVID. We got to spend some one-on-one time with David.Links https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/9-tips-for-co-parenting-with-a-difficult-ex ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

This week Darren and Paige talk about how to maintain perspective when things don't go they way you planned or want. They will talk about the some challenges and disappointment over the past few weeks. How do you maintain perspective??Happy, Sad, Happy  Darren and Paige had a lot of big plans for April! Graduation, Brazil, Graduation. Lots of wonderful things. Darren blew it! After over two years of not getting COVID, Darren went to DC for a work trip and came home with the VID. They found out after getting back from the first graduation trip, two days before they were supposed to leave for Brazil. Brazil was cancelled. Paige and Darren were home alone while all the kids were off doing fun stuff. Then Paige got COVID, and depressed. Luckily recovered enough to go to the next graduation.  How well do you handle challenges and disappointments? How do we keep perspective?Use these strategies to keep a level head when everything seems to go wrong: Find a way to learn from the challenge....blah, blah blah. But its true. Life would be much easier if we never made the same mistake twice. Be Accurate. Avoid letting your emotions get the best of you. Be objective. Ask yourself what you can do about it. Then listen to the answers and focus on solutions. Exercise. Eat, sleep and get some vigorous exercise. Maintain a positive attitude. Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Realize that the situation is temporary. Just hang on and get thru each day.  Help someone else. There are people all over the world that would trade their best day for your worst day. Serve others, you'll be glad you did. Ask for help. There are people all around you that love you. Find the silver lining. There has to be one. Visualize a positive outcome. In many respects you get what you expect. Your perspective can make all the difference. A negative outlook can make finding a solution much less likely.Lemonade moment of the week: Jacob, Andie and Julianne all graduated. So proud. Also, all ten kids were together for the first time in a very long time. Family pictures!!★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

This week Darren & Paige explore selfishness in Marriage with a quiz. Are you selfish in your marriage? Is your marriage about you or about your spouse? Are you selfish???  We are all selfish, right? Especially before marriage. We only have ourselves to think about. What do I want to eat? What do I want to spend my money on? What music or show do I watch? After marriage, those I's have to become we(s)...This might be harder for some than others. You have to now think of someone else and merge your lives with compromises and solutions that work for you. Obvious signs of selfish behavior: It's all about you! Think you are better than your spouse. Controlling. Don't give or share. Will not compromise. Blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong. Forgiving is difficult. Think that your spouse's feelings matter less than yours. Competing. Harmful effects of selfishness: Creates hurt feelings and resentment. Communication issues. Arguing. Prevents you from thinking the best about your spouse. Doesn't build trust. Marriage will become stagnant. How to Overcome Selfishness in marriage 1. Be responsible and admit you are selfish. 2. Communicate with your spouse about your selfish behavior. Find a balance where you can compromise and decide who gets to pick what. 3. Change your mindset. Start thinking as WE, not I. Ask yourself, Is this what is best for both of us rather than just me? 4. Be patient.  5. Don't blame your spouse for everything they do. You are a team. Work on bringing out the best in each other. 6. Serve your spouse. How can you help your spouse today? What can I do to make my spouse's life easier today?  Remember you cant change anyone but yourself Work on you and keep the communication open about what YOU are learning. Improve yourself, and if you are happy, your spouse will follow. Thinking of your needs and standing up for your morals or values is not selfish; it's what makes you who you are. You also have to stand up for your actual needs, like time alone. You don't want to lose yourself in your marriage. Self-care is not selfish, but DO NOT TAKE IT TOO FAR!!! Quiz:Questions and Answers 1. How often do you tell your lover about what they should do? A. All the time B. Only sometimes C. Very rarely D. Never 2. Do you accept your mistake after fighting with your partner?  A. Yes B. No C. Only when I am at fault D. Sometimes when the fight is too big.  3. Do you have the habit of dominating your partner?  A. Yes, because I enjoy it.   B. Only sometimes when I get jealous.  C. I think dominating the partner is not at all a good thing.  D. No, I never want to control my relationship.  4. Are you happy being a selfish lover? A. Yes, I love it.  B. I'm not a selfish lover  C. Not at all! D. I like it sometimes 5. Do you have the habit of deciding the place to go on dates? A. Yes, because I like doing it.  B. I pick the dating place sometimes. C. No, I don't have this habit.  6. Suppose that you have a strong desire to have sex but your partner doesn't. What will you do?  A. Compel my partner to have sex anyway B. Try to seduce my partner C. Drop the plan because having their consent is equally important D. Wait for my partner to come in the mood.  7. Do you like listening to your partner's opinion?  A. Yes, of course! B. Most of the times C. No, I don't pay much attention to their opinion.  D. I prefer ignoring their ideas because they are never good.  8. Do you have the habit of putting your needs before your partner?  A. Yes B. Not at all! C. Sometimes I do like that.  D. I always put the needs of my partner first.  9. Are you empathic towards your partner?  A. Yes, of course! B. Most of the times C. No D. I was empathic earlier but not now.  Lemonade Moment of the WeekDarren & Paige get fleas at the two youngest boys swim meet.Links Relationship quiz https://ourpeacefulfamily.com/selfishness-in-marriage-how-to-overcome-selfish-behavior-become-selfless-spouse/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

On today's episode Darren & Paige talk about their excursion into watching Korean Dramas. Ok just one K-Daram "Crash Landing On You", but they are considering watching another one.K drama!!!! Darren and I just finished a K drama, Crash Landing on You Paige was very hesitant, don't want to read my tv We had been told by so many people, of all ages and likes, to watch this show What is a k drama? Why it was good for our relationship? had to focus only on the show, talked alot about it after. Writing was great - good story, clean Good clean Entertainment Refreshing to not have garbage to worry about in the show However, they do discuss some serious subjects, suicide. Seems like a normal topic there.  Chemistry between the two leads is great. They are actually a couple in real life! Interesting to see how they portray North Korea vs South Korea. A defector from North Korea that has a youtube channel, says that about 60 percent was accurate.  It was filmed in Switzerland but took place in North and South Korea. Supporting cast was so good.  Show Hole What are we gonna do now??? Have to find some more K dramas!! Lemonade moment of the Week:Went and saw my mom and sister. Also, Dallin and Alex. L.A. traffic is the worst!!! But loved visiting family.LinksCrash Landing On You★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Sometimes in our very busy lives we lose that connection and spark and just get set in the doldrums and monotony of just going through the motions of life. Darren and Paige are somewhat there. They have been through a lot in the last 6 months and need to reconnect in a way that Darren isn't Paige's caretaker.So, how do we start the reconnection process:You can start by intentionally spending time together every single day doing something fun.  For example, doing the dishes, cooking, going for long walks, etc.Lets talk about different ways and simple things you can do to reconnect with your spouse emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, physically and of course, sexually.Emotionally  Cheer each other on. Observe and appreciate the good qualities of your spouse when it comes to them as a person, a spouse, and as a parent. Accomplish a bucket list goal together. Question: What are three of your happiest memories of our early days together?  Intellectually Take a class together. Set Goals together.  Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common? Spiritually Pray together or pray for your spouse. Share what you're learning about or something you have read. What is something that makes you feel fulfilled?  Physically  Go for a walk together / gym.  Give each other a back rub. Hold hands. What did you notice about me first?  Sexually/Intimately  Surprise each other. Schedule time together.  Are you satisfied with the physical aspects of our relationship? Lemonade Moment of the WeekThe kids are graduating from College and they have jobs!! :) Linkshttps://ourpeacefulfamily.com/how-to-reconnect-with-your-spouse-husband-wife-emotionally-sexually-spiritually-intellectually-questions/★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Madeline and Paige were talking the other day about different parenting styles. Some are too lax; they just want to be their kid's friends. Some are too strict, hovering, helicopter parents. Some are too serious; where is the fun?  I said to Madeline in that conversation, “You can have it all! You can have fun while also being strict and having rules.” She then said, “You should do a podcast about that, about having a balance.”  I think it's actually hard to balance it all equally. You are rarely in perfect balance. The scale is mostly always tipped one way or the other, but keep trying. Letting the kids be silly even during serious times, such as reading scriptures, can be significant and frustrating because they go too far with their silliness. I love to have fun, but there has to be order and rules to have the fun. 5 ways to try and find that balance: Always follow through - If you set a consequence for something  they have done, you have to follow thru, even if it is more painful for you!! Help them find a hobby -  kids are much happier when they have something they are interested in, besides video games, and passionate about. If they are having a hard time coming up with something, have their hobby be finding a hobby for a while. Let them choose their bedroom décor -   kids sometimes feel like they don't have enough control over their lives, especially in a divorced family. Let them give their input on the room theme and décor. Give them chores -  This can teach them responsibility, value of hard work and respect. Having said that, teenagers can be quite busy, don't overwhelm them with too much to do, be flexible with what their responsibilities are at different times in their life. Have fun with them and be generous with rewards - Make sure you are having fun with the kids. They need to see a lighthearted side of their parents. Be silly, be funny, be relaxed. And make sure you have rewards for their work. MAybe after you clean the garage, you go get ice cream. AFter they finish studying for a big test, go out to dinner.   Links https://www.betweenthekids.com/2017/05/fun-and-strict-mom/ https://themomkind.com/keeping-the-balance-between-fun-and-discipline/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, Darren talks to three of his kids about what it is like to have two households as teenagers? What it is like now that they are adults? and What advise they have for other kids that navigate two households?Video: https://youtu.be/MIBHpAjpTYcBlog: What's Hard Logistics and coordination are complexes between two houses. Rules are different. How do you manage that? Food can be very different (Vegan, Paleo, etc..) No Settling Understanding the differences between the houses and parenting styles Losing things, Clothes, towels, school books Transitions - Forgetting things, going back and forth. Responsibility at a young age. Being in the middle of the parents. Benefits Two Christmas mornings, Two thanksgivings, two birthdays, double the vacations Bonus Parent - Help you navigate your relationship with your bio parent, expand your possibilities Learn Responsibility Tips & Tricks Make your step parent an ally Understand your parents are trying their best. They are not perfect. Set boundaries with your parents and step-parents Time is limited, so set expectations. This is true when you are adults coming back to visit. Setting a schedule and communicating it. Get comfortable with awkward Take time for transitions Buy toiletries, clothes, and things for both houses. Get two sets of textbooks from the school if possible. Don't have a primary house. Create your own space in both houses, or don't create your own space at all. Find someone to talk to about the situation. Lemonade Moment of the WeekPaige is out recovering from surgery. Darren gets insight from his kids on what it was like to grow up in two households. Linkshttps://www.womansdivorce.com/living-in-two-homes.html★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

How to be happy when my spouse is doing something fun without me????“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.”  Paige recently went on a girl's trip. She has been doing it for 18 years. Darren wasn't always excited about it. Why?  Darren goes out to dinner with co-workers. Is Paige jealous? How can we be happy for our spouses when they have fun without you in a hobby or with friends? Check out the video: https://youtu.be/uYIxYuuo0S4Learn to trust and communicate with your partner.Mostly insecurities keep us from completely trusting our spouse and being happy that they are so glad.Communicate how you feel and why you are struggling with these insecure feelings. If they think you are spending too much time away from them, come to a compromise.Make friends or get hobbies of your own, that makes you happy.Don't just sit around feeling sorry for yourself that you aren't with them. Find your hobbies or friends. If only one of you has friends they do things with, or one of you has hobbies that can be unbalanced. Figure out what you like. Stop being selfish and be there for your spouse; show interest.If your partner is into car racing and you have no interest, give it a shot. Be interested in what they are interested in. It doesn't mean you have to lose yourself and be a puppet for your spouse; it means you take an interest in them and their hobbies. They can still do this without you, but if they know they can talk to you about what makes them happy, you will be become much closer and maybe even learn to love what they love.Find fun things to do with your spouse.After a trip or a fun activity without your spouse, find something fun to do with them. Seeking enjoyment in marriage is vital to building a solid relationship. Do not come home and say, “I just had a great time, why don't we do something fun!.” That can set your spouse off. Instead, have an idea of a fun activity and suggest it.Lemonade Moment of the WeekAfter years of practicing piano, cello, and singing, Jacob shows us his true talent.Linkshttps://www.yourtango.com/2019326841/3-ways-to-stop-being-so-jealous-insecure★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Whether we want to admit it or not, we have certain expectations for each other in our marriage.Darren and I recently talked with a marriage counselor and realized that we needed to be more explicit about our expectations.This can be scary. I asked Darren what his expectations were for me?? What would he say??? Darren then asked me what my expectations were for him. Started a great conversation. 5 Successful Ways to Manage Expectations in MarriageCommunicate!The number one reason for so many let-down expectations is the lack of communication. If you can grasp how to communicate with your partner, you'll see an immediate increase in met expectations.Needs vs. WantsThis is a great question to ask yourself before or when you feel your expectations aren't being met. What do you need versus what do you want?   Draw a line for yourself in between these two. For example, if you and your partner are going on vacation, make a list of things you need to make you happy.Let Go of Control and Don't Control Others.Expectations are under-met goals. Goals are objects of your ambition. Ambition is the strong desire to work hard to achieve something. All of these are you wanting to control a successful outcome, whether it's controlling your environment or controlling your spouse. Don't fall into the vicious cycle of under-met goals. When you learn how to let go of holding your domain and your spouse, you'll gain peace with your outcomes.Don't AssumeAssuming is another dangerous reason why expectations are blown out of proportion and do not meet the standard you would like them to be. Assuming that your spouse understands your needs and even assuming you know your spouse's needs will always end in unmet expectations.Find things you are thankful for when you are struggling.If you find yourself in a moment when your expectations aren't being met, and circumstances are beyond your control, take a moment and list out what you're thankful for. It can be hard to find what fills you with gratitude in moments like this, so start with the basics. Start spreading your thankfulness from those epicenters until you feel like your situation isn't as bad as you thought it was.Lemonade Moment of the Week- Everyone around us has COVID, but we came through without a cough or a sneeze.Linkshttps://tonightsbettertogether.com/2017/04/17/5-successful-ways-to-manage-expectations-in-your-marriage/Video: https://youtu.be/yv4XpEVnuJk★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Why we startedWanted to help and be a voice of “we've been there” for blended familiesWanted to show others that even when life is extremely challenging throwing lemons at you, not going according to your lifeplan at all, you can still be happy - that there is Lemonade somehow, somewhereWhy we stoppedPandemic, life was boringFelt like we had nothing left to say about blended families, that we had addressed most topics that we couldRealized this podcast isn't just about blended families it's about finding the LemonadeWe missed doing the podcast, therapy for usOK so, lets recap of what's been going on:Pandemic still going on…….Darren is halfway thru his PHDPaige has health issues2 teenage drivers with jobsA new grandbaby#WTL #2020 #WheresTheLemonadeCheck out the videoCheck out our blog★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren & Paige look at how kindness or lack thereof can shape a marriage relationship. It does not mean that they don't have disagreements, but they show how kindness can still be a part of everything.

Does your ex-spouse communicate with you? Or is it just silence when you try to co-parent. Listen to Darren and Paige talk about techniques to open the communications channels and improve co-parenting.

In this episode, Darren and Paige look at a 30-day relationship challenge calendar. Find out what they think works and what doesn't work. We used the calendar from the website www.endlessblissblog.com.

In this episode we revisit traditions. We start questioning some of the traditions we stuck with when we first blended after one of our kids mentioned how busy Christmas is and how it would be nice if it was a bit slower.

Have you ever wondered why Valentine's Day is so stressful? We can tell you why. Expectations vs Reality. Listen to the latest "Where's the Lemonade?" to hear how Darren & Paige handle or don't handle this curious holiday so well.

Disneyland Dad Syndrome is real and affects blended families every day. It is so prevalent that there is a legal definition for it. So how do you become a Disneyland Dad? How do you deal with a Disneyland Dad? Darren & Paige give their insight into this problem in Blended Families.

We recently had facebook and google give us reminders of where we were 2 years ago today. What came up is the inception of our podcast. On a trip to Panama for a "getaway" of time "alone together", we dreamt up a crazy idea of podcasting our experiences of blending a large family. In today's episode, we went back and listened to our first episode, and wrote down what we thought.

Blended families bring lots of new stressors into a relationship. Anxiety is high and sometimes your attempts to help your family to blend just increases the anxiety for everyone. In this episode, Darren & Paige talk about causes of anxiety and how to deal with anxiety in your family.

There are many studies on the adverse effects of divorce and the trials of blended families. In this episode, Darren & Paige are only looking at the "Lemonade" of blended families. That is right put on your "Rose Colored Glasses" and look at all of the benefits of a blended family. If you want all of the hard things that come with a blended family check out all of our other episodes. :)

In this episode, we review what happened in 2020. What our plans were, how they adjusted, and how we grew closer together as a family. Learn about travel plans, weddings, eating habits, toilet paper, and how we handled it.

Blended families get judged. No doubt about it. The kids get judged, they come from a broken family, they are going to have issues in school, and in relationships in the future. And the adults do too. They didn't try hard enough in the previous marriage, they gave up too easily, or be careful around them. In this episode, Paige and Darren explore the judgment they have made and have been victims.

In this episode, Darren & Paige try to figure out how to keep things even between the kids, the ex(s), and the different houses. This is not an easy task! In fact, we find that it is impossible and probably a waste of time and effort. Time to swallow your pride and do what is best for the kids and not worry about keeping up with your ex.

In this episode, Darren & Paige discuss how to resolve conflict in marriage. Sometimes things work, and sometimes they don't. Not every resolution results in a WIN-WIN solution, sometimes it is just good enough to push the answer until later. Find out how we navigate this part of our marriage.

In this episode, Darren and Paige discuss how things in a marriage are not always equally balanced, but focusing on unity in a marriage can overcome the ups and downs of the equality equation. How do you balance the leadership roles with household management, discipline of kids, managing money, fostering romance, and providing for the family.

Darren & Paige talk about the big decision on where to educate the kids. Due to COVID-19 and restrictions of being in person face to face. Tough decisions had to be made on what to do with the kids education. Once the decision was made making it all happen and as painless as possible is the next trip. Find out how we navigated the uncharted waters we are traveling.

Find out how to throw a COVID-19 wedding when children of a blended family get married. Something that could be over the top stressful turns out to be wonderful and very low stress. Thank you Jacob and Andie.

Darren and Paige spend a week away from the world with the family. No COVID, no riots, just the forests, canyons, and family. Learn how we disconnect from our worldly cares and have a fun time decompressing.

COVID-19 is starting to divide our nation and its families. Imagine trying to co-parent with different opinions on COVID safety, money problems due to layoffs, or school plans when schools start up again. There seems to be no gray area when it comes to people's feelings on all of these subjects with respect to COVID and the quarantine. In this episode, we call on a dear friend Reice Morris, a life coach, (www.riecemorris.com) to help us understand how people are dealing with this.

COVID-19 and the corresponding quarantine has brought out some interesting stereotypes that we have seen over the last 3 months. This recognition of stereotypes has given Paige and Darren an internal look at stereotypes that they have had about divorce and blended families. In this episode, we expose the different stereotypes of divorced people, their blended families, and how to overcome those stereotypes.