Podcasts about noooooo

El Machina Caballero” Wait, you're married to Catherine Heinowitz? I was Like THE Heinowitz? As in Rebecca Heinowitz? —Katie Heinowitz! YES. Like the guys who made Church Factory! You're a Sasquatch. I know. All the TV people are smaller in person In one way or another— Live or behind the scenes Believe me The tv people need you Just as much as You need your TV Please believe me Everything is not what it seems to be As Seen on TV [The Tv People Theme Song] Yes. What is WRONG with you? Something. Marc Shultz? I fucking guess. You're Jewish? If I wasn't before, I am now! You can't be seeious. All I see And all I am Is you and I Inside The Eye ___ This is mescaline. Okay. I take this when I get too—(he spins his finger) spun around, wound up. I get that. You want to go with me? No, but I'll watch over you, at least. That's all I ask. Patrick and Esha under the guidance and guise of the eye are best friends, have become bound by blood in such a sacred oath that one does not function without the other, and although moving without restraint or restriction independently, grow magnetically and enigmatically together by force of nature, as we learn to understand that the connection precedes the bond by which the sacred oath has bound them, and also is Also is what! Goddamn! Idk, lost my train of thought. The irony of irony, is that Patrick tends to get away with his bizarre and off the wire behavior, because he is surrounded by people who love him for his talent and open heart— his downfall often being that the only person who doesn't love Patrick, is himself. 1-888-788-0099. You know what DNA stands for? Do not attempt to talk to me when I'm fasting. I'm not in my body, almost at all. Trying to get God to talk in English is like, A task, Do not attempt. I don't know what channel you're on. Ah, the dreads. The olden ones seem to have known I was coming. More coffee. No, no coffee. Breakfast is— No, I need you fasting for this. For what. Come on. That's not my God. You know what. I know that. Your God is money. Go back to California! I WISH, if I could have an apartment like this in California, I would have been gone, however There is a lot of love in New York. That's the reason it's still standing up. When is this? I don't know. Couldn't have gone too far back, you know— I was still at least 3 days in And three days out, And completely full of shit, Which must mean I'm WHERE'S JIMMY FALLON. I'm Jimmy Fallon. No, the REAL Jimmy Fallon. Go, quickly. Yes, sire! You know, I'll scratch your eyes out. That might take a long time; I have eyes all over this city. Uh, line? Come, ishii, and Quickly. How did I spell that again? One way, or another, All the series are going to collide with all the series, At some point! Listen, Emmitt… Yes. I'm going to need you to explain this experiment to me.,,very—simply. It is simple! You know this! I know this trick! Follow me. I need a safety. I'm oooh, shiny! Whatever. Come on. This is FUCKED UP THIS IS FUCKED UP THIS IS FUCKED UP FUCKED UP TRUMP CITY, USA Just fucking kill me. SETH. Rogen, or Myers? Both of you. What? Really? Yes. Okay. GO, So you know all this to be true, right? Yes. Correct, So if you know that, Then you know I'm not the real Jimmy Fallon… Exactly. I trusted you! Trusted me for WHAT. Not to LOOK. Look. No. Look at me. NO. Oh good, the piano bar. I told you she was gay. I'm not gay, I'm just. Please, just one drink with me. NO, Satan, Jesus. Okay, Jesus, relax. Quit saying your own name. I OWN YOU. You are my SLAVE. Okay. That's…. That's not okay! You killed my boss! Is this like a 3D thank you card, or something? He writes my checks! Did you check his pockets? Severance pay, maybe. How many days is this fasting? I don't know, maybe like 1, 2 Two days? I can do that. Three hundred and 80 MESSAGES. Hey, this is— BEEEEEEP. Messages erased! Hey! What the fuck! You can't have these things, Jimmy! That's just my stage name! Listen to me Was it Connie?! I hope it was Connie! JUST—SHUT UP. Come with me. Why r u following me?! GARY! GARY! SAVE ME! Okay, this is strange, but the subtle SpongeBob references in this series Now make everything crazy. If I kill myself today, you know, he wins at everything. Why would I kill myself on my wedding anniversary. Why would you kill yourself on my birthday. Cause, Plus One, Because, Johnny, I loved you— And I never told you that. Actions speak louder than words. Way, way louder. This is a class action lawsuit from 96 celebrities. What are you suing me for?! Nothing?! MY CORNBREAD RECIPE?! SERIOUSLY?! Who the fuck is driving this thing? It's not me, actually. You should ask the conductor— I'm just having an out of body experience. Okay, that cop did look like Dillon Francis. I thought Dillon Francis was Satan. I thought so too, but then— NICOLAS?! AHAHAHAH. Oh no! He's taken another hostage. Yep. Poor thing! NICKELODEON WOULD YOU DO THIS. Uhhhh—- maybe DOUBLE DARE. FUCK, MAN! Okay, whose driving?! Satan, take the wheel for a second. Okee. *instantly crashes* Instant death! Instant infinity— Dammit. I'm telling you, god is actually winning this thing. WHERE IS HE?! Jim, get out of New York City, Take your family, Take everything with you. Okay. I'm— Wait WHAT. What did you just say?! Nothing, I'll kill you, you know. GOOD. Hello? This is the Illuminati speaking. Okay. Meet me at. What is this, I don't know. The Heineken factory?! I'll give you $36 dollars, every time you say. Why are you doing this? I don't know: That's right! You don't know! Are the eyes in yet? Not yet. Are the headmasters here? Almost. Great. This is going to be a great project— I CANT DYSFUNCTION. Don't you mean. You can't “function “ Well— Yes, and no— It's just MY EYEs! MY EYES DONT WORK. But it's amazing, it's almost as if— You know what. I like these traits. I'm keeping them. NO, LET ME GO. No, little man. Stay in the box, like you're supposed to— Oh and— NO, DONT SHUT ME— imm not shutting you off. I'm just turning the volume—doooown.. No, wait— (But quiet) Ya. I also wish I was white. YUCK. What am I doing like this? Idk. Kill yourself. Right? I wish. BLACK IS BEAUUUUUTIFUL. Yeah. It is. But— Look, don't— Avoid these creatures. Hey baby! wtf is he saying. Idk. I think he speaks English. Switch to English. Uhhh, who am I again. The band made her smile, But the dancer made her laugh. She liked the band; But the dancer made her laugh The band made her happy, But the dancer made her laugh I don't follow a man, unless— The music, yes. Follow that. He's got my heart in his hand And she's got the world in her eyes And he's got his hands on my heart The sermon of sorts, The rock and the kite THE FOURTH REIGHT HAS RISEN! THE SOUTH WILL RIIIIIIIIIIIIZE OH SHIT, I almost forgot this guy WILL FERAL. lol. That actually happened. You shouldn't fast like this City sickness, city sickness Perhaps you should move to Ohio, dear matron, if all you can say is Words with hatred When I loved you in the first place. Hey, Satan. But I just couldn't take it The white devil had his day in my Spiritual Parisian The nuptial edits. The wedding band, Remote controls and Architects Sages and pages of Architects Art directors, Casting agents And I just can't handle it I just need managers Booking, Writing books And keeping close tabs On their dialects Who dialed you in God 9/11 Who dialed you in on 420 The devil himself And my mom must have warned them She warned them with Fireball A cannon Never had a Catastrophe You summoned her, didn't you?! WHO? Which— My MOM! No, MAYA, actually no! You did! You I did not Look, SEYONCE wants you to dance with her. Dance? I can't. That is tragic. He's a GOD, I tell you that! Did I tell you that?! Now, fist bump the trash can. Nah. Dammit. Fuck, man. Yes, I win! That one scene where Patrick sells all of esha's guitsrs— You sold all my stuff?! What is that, anyway?l Liked”, a shrine!!?! What?! Fuck you! —fuck you. I'm a collector! Well, guess what?! Now you're a contributor— What?! You want your precious, fuckin— It's a collection Yeah, well your collection is sitting in an exhibit at your favorite musical in Manhattan How would you know what's my favorite— —let's just say I guessed — Fantastic. you— I donated them. You what— You don't have to thank me, either— One day, that museum will be honored and redededicsted entirely in your namesake I fucking hate you, How would you even know these things. Somethings you've yet to see, But I've seen them, and believe me The Eye is Aching for it For what? The tears in his eyes have turned into l glowing halos, and the whole world becomes something other than what it was, the office, fading into what seems to be a single soundstagec and as the halos in his eyes begin to transform into other worlds, the present becomes the past, as he has been altered—to becom The One; the original Predecessor of The Eye. I don't— What show is this? I don't know. [The Festival Project] …did you dream last night, Esha? …what do you mean? Did you dream? I did dream of him, Last night Two dreams I dreamed A weeklong song, I sung An aching heart I woke with I KNEW THERE WAS HONEY IN THIS. —just—hold onto this for a minute, would you? Sure, I— Aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa So that's where I left it. Hm. THE VEGAN VERSION USES AGAVE AND ROASTED— shhhhhh. This is my recipe now. My secret recipe. Don't spoil it. Sh! OH, ROASTED— ssh! I'm shook. Oh look. There he is again. Fuck!, dude how did you do this?! I don't know! Run! SHOOT HIM. what. Just— Shoot him. I got the gangstas With the pizzas YEET. No, try something else. What, you don't like this one? No, it's not- I YEETS THE PIZZA I EATS THE PIZZA Oh, apparently they were Lizzing at this shit yesterday. For WHAT purpose. That's not funny. Remember: Comedy is always tragic— What. What's this. Oh, that is funny, When it isn't you. It's true. It did seem my baby at one point had a death wish. Oh, look, Yay. Go baby! You're doin it! Woo! Now watch this: [baby attempts to run into oncoming traffic ] Mommy NOOOO! Haha. I remember those days. My baby fever is out of control. LOOK AT HIM W0000000W LOOK AT THESE JEANS YUM. LOOK AT THESE hair, he has nice hair. Try not to scare her: AH. Fuck. Yikes. Okay, I can't see again, which means. I'M BLIND! She took— MY EYEBALLS. Here, use mine. Thanks, uhh— Satan. Oh, thanks Sa— Wait. But my friends and fans call me SKRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL THATS THE X! What?! THATS YOUR X?! NO. WELL, yes, but THATS “THE X” Aw, man. What the fuck, God. I swea,r an extra small And I'm still too fat Let's go to McDonald's I LOVE MCDONALDS OH. Hey. Oh, I remember this it's EXIT NO EXIT NOW, before my *before my life gets hacked. lol fuck these fags. Seriously, it's like Well, I'm on my own time NY YOURE ON MY TIME YOURE ON CITY TIME YEh, exactly. This is NO, THIS IS MY TIME always let the white girls go ahead of you; They're trying to be angrily mean and flamboyant, but trust this; She's going to tell you how rough the waters are by taking the journey before you And though she will not show it Maybe ever She loves you As her sister As a woman Okay, you little black bitch Am I little now, the other day I was FAT 8mm I'm gonna kill you. Great, my life is ruined. Ok. I just want like Cereal Some English muffins Like, Oatmeal, Quinoa, I don't care Whatever This ruins you, you know. That's ok. I'd rather be killed by every white girl in the Illuminati, than by my ex husband again. Seriously, is this not torture to you? It is, it's just This is MY magic. That's the—that's the white devil, it's pretty much, I told you this lol I love New York This white girl— I actually liked her She was a bag lady, Uptown, You could tell she was just-/ Stuck in this fucked up world too long, Cause I smiled at her, Cause I liked her Crackheadedness, I guess But you could tell she wasn't on crack Cause she didn't have the crack swagger You know, the— *crack swaggers* That shit. And she was just like Cracked. Probably cause she lived uptown. I personally prefer anything below. 80th She was somewhere like, Above 96th, And I was just like— Lost, with no phone, on God Mode like Well, my eyes don't work and I no longer speak proper English, I'm some kind of bird, I guess And I'm lost as fuck Taking the extra long way home because, I was literally trying to go One fucking place On what is literally the worst day in history: 4/20 Not only because it was Hitler birthday, Or because everyone is now smoking like government funded weed, Which could never be a good thing— But because the only train, Or one of the only train lines That goes directly from this one place to my house Was just— magically “Out” that day Cause, you know— New York City. And this lady gets on the train, Just fucking rambling, And I laughed— Actually out loud, Because, I left my house at like 10 in the morning And I didn't get back until almost midnight, Just trying to get to this one place and like— Couldn't. Or, actually by the time I did I was just— So fucking hungry That everything around me Was some kind of Something I made up Or was working on writing— This also happens when I'm fasting Everything just turns in to [the festival project] Which I thought Nobody else in the world even knew or cared about except for God And the aliens that have been writing it— Which is usually Come on. Where are we going? “Staples” EXT. ONE WORLD TRADE CENTER. DAY AWTF NO. They put his NAME on a BUS. Why would they do THAT?! If you're a whole bus, Then I must be the motor… Satan is my motor His name on a building— Oh hell no. This is the wrong place and time Something is wrong! NO. FUCK THAT GUY FUCK THIS DAY. Just — Dissociate! Dissociate! Uhhh—- I gotta go back in time and stop myself from getting married. Why?! Cause! Everything is his now. We like him better than you. NOOOOOO. KILL YOURSELF THEN. I tried. I was like “Look, Ali” He was like: “Over here” Oh. EXT. ST PAUL'S CEMETARY, DAY. Where you going? Idk. What is that sound. Idk. ELON ALIAS? Uhh__ I don't have an alias for you, son, I'm sorry. You're just ELON MUSK ELON! ELON! Oh, my—christs, what's happened to you? I don't know! My eyes! My eyes! Mmmmm. Rye bread sounds fucking awesome right now. Tight. *sniffs* Tight. Tight. WHOOPDEWOO. Yep. You know—WHOOPDEWOO. WHOOPDE— WHOOPI. What the FUCK. WHAT. I was. Well. That's good. What. I don't know what I'm looking at but I'm starting to like these eyes. What! Whose eyes are these?? Idk. But once I found out I was using Satan's— WAIT, like, the DEVIL?! Yes, Jason Sudakis. yes. You can come. Where are we going?! To get alcohol poisoning. There is a song Kissing the barrel of a gun Protect the land, they sing However, It is he that banishes The truth from nature The apocalypse has been upon us Since the collapse of these mighty towers The collapse of the mighty dollar I'ma still Riding MY BICI— BLAM! AHHHHH! You shot me! I'm sorry son! I thought you were black! I am— Kinda— Or was. *dies melodramatically* NOOOOOOOO! We shot one of our own! —Kinda… Fuck man, I'm gonna get so fired for this. Or like, at least laid off… Well, let's just hope it's a paid leave! [two racist cops— Ahem— Decide rather than going to jail, they will just shoot anybody who comes to the scene of the crime Damn, this gets levels Cause —to summarize, eventually the standoff ends, And when they get to heaven The kid they shit is God(s) “God The Judge” Welcome to my world The only law of the land, is There is no law Bound by the law, Is the land you've let behind All for the better The lost souls They know not to harm one another From the suffering, It's up they come From whence there on, We rise up Leave them in the dust From behind Let's to suffer under us Suffer under us You know what I want? A malotov cocktail For all of the tales I have yet to tell And I never will Cause you've lost my trust There's none of us left you know Where we left you The world we left to suffer under us Serivice, you servitor I see it in your eyes I am in another realm So high above you That you can't deny my diety You can deny my animal My wild side My life inside my life inside my DIE! —just die already Trust me, I'm trying. I'm just a horse I, Race—- —Course These nigga is racist These bitches is heated Cause she see I need him It's all DJs on walls Broken mirrors And broken bottle Alcoholics Mescaline And city sickness [Esha's addictions resurface, Patrick's use peaks at its all time high— ] She ravages the grocery store in search of comfort foods— Patrick is arrested after destroying an entire Liquor store I just had to Run a Madonna Why you thinking about my husband— at all!? I wish I knew, madam I wish I knew the answer I just had to Suffer through An album called Forgiveness I got get this I don't have nothin But suffering to do And I've already done that so, Shut up I couldn't have ever fathomed A cannon so handsom I have a bazooka Bubblegum It matches you cannon See, That's how far up I am— Fall back That be Of course not That's his father, Don't you know? I had to ask, Have you passed on, sir? And if you have— How is your son? That's my hat, though I only know them Once they become broken No promises though On the whole order of it See how far This is my home This is my temple You are my archer, Who holds now and arrows These are my horses These are my stables Run, rabbit, run For I am not stable Run, rabbit, run, rabbit Sit at my table All hail the archer King James, your majesty I called you Saint, Because, This is my masterpiece This is my hand, And this, is my label Come archer Come one and all Sit at my table I called you Saint Because I am unstable I painted this picture, Come sit at my table A land made of glass, And the casket, the cradle I made you up, because I became able to Ableton I only hate you Cause I can't have you I'd only date you If it weren't random Damn, this is tragic Taking my hand like that Showing me magic I'm not taking it back; You're a maniac, man And imm mad at you— Handsome professional Dads have it best I guess father know best And she's perfect The family is golden Her aura was always my horrible An honor it was To serve, you, sire The patriarch Of such a remarkable War with us The hers, and the girls Vursus, Woman lust over what are overuses are Sure enough Assuredly a certain Azure after all, is coming up I'm coming off this fast, man But to be grandfathered into The master craft By the madmen of Manhattan Is Damn. I was hungry. Well DUH. Just shut up and run, would you Shouldn't have uttered it Once is a curse, It's enough Just to be as unloved as I ever was But this one is fucking up my consciousness Of all the award I never won And everyone around Is the mother of his sons But, Where does that come from? The comfort was torn from her heart, Where she left it, On the alter, Still bleeding And his heart never beats for her Evil, she thinks If the keeper of the keys She had bathed/ Or had mated with— But she sees this: “Stamatina” And know there's some Jesus In this Genius And the trickery That just may be as fatal As Mother Nature In his genes, The super creeps and creperies Another demolished apostle For falling in love, She collects, of cours Albums as tokens In the exchanges, she lays all her eggs The jogs toning her legs for the right one, And all out of protein She gobbles the apples and ashes, Ambidextrous Dexters watching all this as the butcher of Some harbor Stuck in New York, New story, With the same old habits All this was a tragic And unhappy accident As cellibacy creeps up In the form of Some imaginative masturbation Fascinated with the fashion And architecture of summon city A portal gun, One dollar bill Some pills Some fuckin remedy for Whoever that shapeshifter Posing as Jimmy Fallon Actually is Cause none of this Can never And never did happen And. When your spirit is floating down that tunnel towards the light— You know what's behind the light? It's not God, it's— LORNE MICHAELS (ME) Uh oh. —and I don't know how you did this, but— {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

“El Machina Caballero” Wait, you're married to Catherine Heinowitz? I was. Like THE Heinowitz? As in Rebecca Heinowitz? —Katie Heinowitz! YES. Like the guys who made Church Factory! You're a Sasquatch. I know. All the TV people are smaller in person In one way or another— Live or behind the scenes Believe me The tv people need you Just as much as You need your TV Please believe me Everything is not what it seems to be As Seen on TV [The Tv People Theme Song] Yes. What is WRONG with you? Something. Marc Shultz? I fucking guess. You're Jewish? If I wasn't before, I am now! You can't be serious. All I see And all I am Is you and I Inside The Eye ___ This is mescaline. Okay. I take this when I get too—(he spins his finger) spun around, wound up. I get that. You want to go with me? No, but I'll watch over you, at least. That's all I ask. Patrick and Esha under the guidance and guise of the eye are best friends, have become bound by blood in such a sacred oath that one does not function without the other, and although moving without restraint or restriction independently, grow magnetically and enigmatically together by force of nature, as we learn to understand that the connection precedes the bond by which the sacred oath has bound them, and also is… Also is what! Goddamn! Idk, lost my train of thought. The irony of irony, is that Patrick tends to get away with his bizarre and off the wire behavior, because he is surrounded by people who love him for his talent and open heart— his downfall often being that the only person who doesn't love Patrick, is himself. 1-888-788-0099. You know what DNA stands for? Do not attempt to talk to me when I'm fasting. I'm not in my body, almost at all. Trying to get God to talk in English is like, A task, Do not attempt. I don't know what channel you're on. Ah, the dreads. The olden ones seem to have known I was coming. More coffee. No, no coffee. Breakfast is— No, I need you fasting for this. For what. Come on. That's not my God. You know what. I know that. Your God is money. Go back to California! I WISH, if I could have an apartment like this in California, I would have been gone, however There is a lot of love in New York. That's the reason it's still standing up. When is this? I don't know. Couldn't have gone too far back, you know— I was still at least 3 days in And three days out, And completely full of shit, Which must mean I'm WHERE'S JIMMY FALLON. I'm Jimmy Fallon. No, the REAL Jimmy Fallon. Go, quickly. Yes, sire! You know, I'll scratch your eyes out. That might take a long time; I have eyes all over this city. Uh, line? Come, ishii, and Quickly. How did I spell that again? One way, or another, All the series are going to collide with all the series, At some point! Listen, Emmitt… Yes. I'm going to need you to explain this experiment to me.,,very—simply. It is simple! You know this! I know this trick! Follow me. I need a safety. I'm oooh, shiny! Whatever. Come on. This is FUCKED UP THIS IS FUCKED UP THIS IS FUCKED UP FUCKED UP TRUMP CITY, USA Just fucking kill me. SETH. Rogen, or Myers? Both of you. What? Really? Yes. Okay. GO, So you know all this to be true, right? Yes. Correct, So if you know that, Then you know I'm not the real Jimmy Fallon… Exactly. I trusted you! Trusted me for WHAT. Not to LOOK. Look. No. Look at me. NO. Oh good, the piano bar. I told you she was gay. I'm not gay, I'm just. Please, just one drink with me. NO, Satan, Jesus. Okay, Jesus, relax. Quit saying your own name. I OWN YOU. You are my SLAVE. Okay. That's…. That's not okay! You killed my boss! Is this like a 3D thank you card, or something? He writes my checks! Did you check his pockets? Severance pay, maybe. How many days is this fasting? I don't know, maybe like 1, 2 Two days? I can do that. Three hundred and 80 MESSAGES. Hey, this is— BEEEEEEP. Messages erased! Hey! What the fuck! You can't have these things, Jimmy! That's just my stage name! Listen to me Was it Connie?! I hope it was Connie! JUST—SHUT UP. Come with me. Why r u following me?! GARY! GARY! SAVE ME! Okay, this is strange, but the subtle SpongeBob references in this series Now make everything crazy. If I kill myself today, you know, he wins at everything. Why would I kill myself on my wedding anniversary. Why would you kill yourself on my birthday. Cause, Plus One, Because, Johnny, I loved you— And I never told you that. Actions speak louder than words. Way, way louder. This is a class action lawsuit from 96 celebrities. What are you suing me for?! Nothing?! MY CORNBREAD RECIPE?! SERIOUSLY?! Who the fuck is driving this thing? It's not me, actually. You should ask the conductor— I'm just having an out of body experience. Okay, that cop did look like Dillon Francis. I thought Dillon Francis was Satan. I thought so too, but then— NICOLAS?! AHAHAHAH. Oh no! He's taken another hostage. Yep. Poor thing! NICKELODEON WOULD YOU DO THIS. Uhhhh—- maybe DOUBLE DARE. FUCK, MAN! Okay, whose driving?! Satan, take the wheel for a second. Okee. *instantly crashes* Instant death! Instant infinity— Dammit. I'm telling you, god is actually winning this thing. WHERE IS HE?! Jim, get out of New York City, Take your family, Take everything with you. Okay. I'm— Wait WHAT. What did you just say?! Nothing, I'll kill you, you know. GOOD. Hello? This is the Illuminati speaking. Okay. Meet me at. What is this, I don't know. The Heineken factory?! I'll give you $36 dollars, every time you say. Why are you doing this? I don't know: That's right! You don't know! Are the eyes in yet? Not yet. Are the headmasters here? Almost. Great. This is going to be a great project— I CANT DYSFUNCTION. Don't you mean. You can't “function “ Well— Yes, and no— It's just MY EYEs! MY EYES DONT WORK. But it's amazing, it's almost as if— You know what. I like these traits. I'm keeping them. NO, LET ME GO. No, little man. Stay in the box, like you're supposed to— Oh and— NO, DONT SHUT ME— imm not shutting you off. I'm just turning the volume—doooown.. No, wait— (But quiet) Ya. I also wish I was white. YUCK. What am I doing like this? Idk. Kill yourself. Right? I wish. BLACK IS BEAUUUUUTIFUL. Yeah. It is. But— Look, don't— Avoid these creatures. Hey baby! wtf is he saying. Idk. I think he speaks English. Switch to English. Uhhh, who am I again. The band made her smile, But the dancer made her laugh. She liked the band; But the dancer made her laugh The band made her happy, But the dancer made her laugh I don't follow a man, unless— The music, yes. Follow that. He's got my heart in his hand And she's got the world in her eyes And he's got his hands on my heart The sermon of sorts, The rock and the kite THE FOURTH REIGHT HAS RISEN! THE SOUTH WILL RIIIIIIIIIIIIZE OH SHIT, I almost forgot this guy WILL FERAL. lol. That actually happened. You shouldn't fast like this City sickness, city sickness Perhaps you should move to Ohio, dear matron, if all you can say is Words with hatred When I loved you in the first place. Hey, Satan. But I just couldn't take it The white devil had his day in my Spiritual Parisian The nuptial edits. The wedding band, Remote controls and Architects Sages and pages of Architects Art directors, Casting agents And I just can't handle it I just need managers Booking, Writing books And keeping close tabs On their dialects Who dialed you in God 9/11 Who dialed you in on 420 The devil himself And my mom must have warned them She warned them with Fireball A cannon Never had a Catastrophe You summoned her, didn't you?! WHO? Which— My MOM! No, MAYA, actually no! You did! You I did not Look, SEYONCE wants you to dance with her. Dance? I can't. That is tragic. He's a GOD, I tell you that! Did I tell you that?! Now, fist bump the trash can. Nah. Dammit. Fuck, man. Yes, I win! That one scene where Patrick sells all of esha's guitsrs— You sold all my stuff?! What is that, anyway?l Liked”, a shrine!!?! What?! Fuck you! —fuck you. I'm a collector! Well, guess what?! Now you're a contributor— What?! You want your precious, fuckin— It's a collection Yeah, well your collection is sitting in an exhibit at your favorite musical in Manhattan How would you know what's my favorite— —let's just say I guessed — Fantastic. you— I donated them. You what— You don't have to thank me, either— One day, that museum will be honored and redededicsted entirely in your namesake I fucking hate you, How would you even know these things. Somethings you've yet to see, But I've seen them, and believe me The Eye is Aching for it For what? The tears in his eyes have turned into l glowing halos, and the whole world becomes something other than what it was, the office, fading into what seems to be a single soundstagec and as the halos in his eyes begin to transform into other worlds, the present becomes the past, as he has been altered—to becom The One; the original Predecessor of The Eye. I don't— What show is this? I don't know. [The Festival Project] …did you dream last night, Esha? …what do you mean? Did you dream? I did dream of him, Last night Two dreams I dreamed A weeklong song, I sung An aching heart I woke with I KNEW THERE WAS HONEY IN THIS. —just—hold onto this for a minute, would you? Sure, I— Aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa So that's where I left it. Hm. THE VEGAN VERSION USES AGAVE AND ROASTED— shhhhhh. This is my recipe now. My secret recipe. Don't spoil it. Sh! OH, ROASTED— ssh! I'm shook. Oh look. There he is again. Fuck!, dude how did you do this?! I don't know! Run! SHOOT HIM. what. Just— Shoot him. I got the gangstas With the pizzas YEET. No, try something else. What, you don't like this one? No, it's not- I YEETS THE PIZZA I EATS THE PIZZA Oh, apparently they were Lizzing at this shit yesterday. For WHAT purpose. That's not funny. Remember: Comedy is always tragic— What. What's this. Oh, that is funny, When it isn't you. It's true. It did seem my baby at one point had a death wish. Oh, look, Yay. Go baby! You're doin it! Woo! Now watch this: [baby attempts to run into oncoming traffic ] Mommy NOOOO! Haha. I remember those days. My baby fever is out of control. LOOK AT HIM W0000000W LOOK AT THESE JEANS YUM. LOOK AT THESE hair, he has nice hair. Try not to scare her: AH. Fuck. Yikes. Okay, I can't see again, which means. I'M BLIND! She took— MY EYEBALLS. Here, use mine. Thanks, uhh— Satan. Oh, thanks Sa— Wait. But my friends and fans call me SKRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL THATS THE X! What?! THATS YOUR X?! NO. WELL, yes, but THATS “THE X” Aw, man. What the fuck, God. I swear, an extra small And I'm still too fat Let's go to McDonald's I LOVE MCDONALDS OH. Hey. Oh, I remember this it's EXIT NO EXIT NOW, before my *before my life gets hacked. lol fuck these fags. Seriously, it's like Well, I'm on my own time NY YOURE ON MY TIME YOURE ON CITY TIME YEh, exactly. This is NO, THIS IS MY TIME always let the white girls go ahead of you; They're trying to be angrily mean and flamboyant, but trust this; She's going to tell you how rough the waters are by taking the journey before you And though she will not show it Maybe ever She loves you As her sister As a woman Okay, you little black bitch Am I little now, the other day I was FAT 8mm I'm gonna kill you. Great, my life is ruined. Ok. I just want like Cereal Some English muffins Like, Oatmeal, Quinoa, I don't care Whatever This ruins you, you know. That's ok. I'd rather be killed by every white girl in the Illuminati, than by my ex husband again. Seriously, is this not torture to you? It is, it's just This is MY magic. That's the—that's the white devil, it's pretty much, I told you this lol I love New York This white girl— I actually liked her She was a bag lady, Uptown, You could tell she was just-/ Stuck in this fucked up world too long, Cause I smiled at her, Cause I liked her Crackheadedness, I guess But you could tell she wasn't on crack Cause she didn't have the crack swagger You know, the— *crack swaggers* That shit. And she was just like Cracked. Probably cause she lived uptown. I personally prefer anything below. 80th She was somewhere like, Above 96th, And I was just like— Lost, with no phone, on God Mode like Well, my eyes don't work and I no longer speak proper English, I'm some kind of bird, I guess And I'm lost as fuck Taking the extra long way home because, I was literally trying to go One fucking place On what is literally the worst day in history: 4/20 Not only because it was Hitler birthday, Or because everyone is now smoking like government funded weed, Which could never be a good thing— But because the only train, Or one of the only train lines That goes directly from this one place to my house Was just— magically “Out” that day Cause, you know— New York City. And this lady gets on the train, Just fucking rambling, And I laughed— Actually out loud, Because, I left my house at like 10 in the morning And I didn't get back until almost midnight, Just trying to get to this one place and like— Couldn't. Or, actually by the time I did I was just— So fucking hungry That everything around me Was some kind of Something I made up Or was working on writing— This also happens when I'm fasting Everything just turns in to [the festival project] Which I thought Nobody else in the world even knew or cared about except for God And the aliens that have been writing it— Which is usually Come on. Where are we going? “Staples” EXT. ONE WORLD TRADE CENTER. DAY AWTF NO. They put his NAME on a BUS. Why would they do THAT?! If you're a whole bus, Then I must be the motor… Satan is my motor His name on a building— Oh hell no. This is the wrong place and time Something is wrong! NO. FUCK THAT GUY FUCK THIS DAY. Just — Dissociate! Dissociate! Uhhh—- I gotta go back in time and stop myself from getting married. Why?! Cause! Everything is his now. We like him better than you. NOOOOOO. KILL YOURSELF THEN. I tried. I was like “Look, Ali” He was like: “Over here” Oh. EXT. ST PAUL'S CEMETARY, DAY. Where you going? Idk. What is that sound. Idk. ELON ALIAS? Uhh__ I don't have an alias for you, son, I'm sorry. You're just ELON MUSK ELON! ELON! Oh, my—christs, what's happened to you? I don't know! My eyes! My eyes! Mmmmm. Rye bread sounds fucking awesome right now. Tight. *sniffs* Tight. Tight. WHOOPDEWOO. Yep. You know—WHOOPDEWOO. WHOOPDE— WHOOPI. What the FUCK. WHAT. I was. Well. That's good. What. I don't know what I'm looking at but I'm starting to like these eyes. What! Whose eyes are these?? Idk. But once I found out I was using Satan's— WAIT, like, the DEVIL?! Yes, Jason Sudakis. yes. You can come. Where are we going?! To get alcohol poisoning. There is a song Kissing the barrel of a gun Protect the land, they sing However, It is he that banishes The truth from nature The apocalypse has been upon us Since the collapse of these mighty towers The collapse of the mighty dollar I'ma still Riding MY BICI— BLAM! AHHHHH! You shot me! I'm sorry son! I thought you were black! I am— Kinda— Or was. *dies melodramatically* NOOOOOOOO! We shot one of our own! —Kinda… Fuck man, I'm gonna get so fired for this. Or like, at least laid off… Well, let's just hope it's a paid leave! [two racist cops— Ahem— Decide rather than going to jail, they will just shoot anybody who comes to the scene of the crime Damn, this gets levels Cause —to summarize, eventually the standoff ends, And when they get to heaven The kid they shit is God(s) “God The Judge” Welcome to my world The only law of the land, is There is no law Bound by the law, Is the land you've let behind All for the better The lost souls They know not to harm one another From the suffering, It's up they come From whence there on, We rise up Leave them in the dust From behind Let's to suffer under us Suffer under us You know what I want? A malotov cocktail For all of the tales I have yet to tell And I never will Cause you've lost my trust There's none of us left you know Where we left you The world we left to suffer under us Serivice, you servitor I see it in your eyes I am in another realm So high above you That you can't deny my diety You can deny my animal My wild side My life inside my life inside my DIE! —just die already Trust me, I'm trying. I'm just a horse I, Race—- —Course These nigga is racist These bitches is heated Cause she see I need him It's all DJs on walls Broken mirrors And broken bottle Alcoholics Mescaline And city sickness [Esha's addictions resurface, Patrick's use peaks at its all time high— ] She ravages the grocery store in search of comfort foods— Patrick is arrested after destroying an entire Liquor store I just had to Run a Madonna Why you thinking about my husband— at all!? I wish I knew, madam I wish I knew the answer I just had to Suffer through An album called Forgiveness I got get this I don't have nothin But suffering to do And I've already done that so, Shut up I couldn't have ever fathomed A cannon so handsom I have a bazooka Bubblegum It matches you cannon See, That's how far up I am— Fall back That be Of course not That's his father, Don't you know? I had to ask, Have you passed on, sir? And if you have— How is your son? That's my hat, though I only know them Once they become broken No promises though On the whole order of it See how far This is my home This is my temple You are my archer, Who holds now and arrows These are my horses These are my stables Run, rabbit, run For I am not stable Run, rabbit, run, rabbit Sit at my table All hail the archer King James, your majesty I called you Saint, Because, This is my masterpiece This is my hand, And this, is my label Come archer Come one and all Sit at my table I called you Saint Because I am unstable I painted this picture, Come sit at my table A land made of glass, And the casket, the cradle I made you up, because I became able to Ableton I only hate you Cause I can't have you I'd only date you If it weren't random Damn, this is tragic Taking my hand like that Showing me magic I'm not taking it back; You're a maniac, man And imm mad at you— Handsome professional Dads have it best I guess father know best And she's perfect The family is golden Her aura was always my horrible An honor it was To serve, you, sire The patriarch Of such a remarkable War with us The hers, and the girls Vursus, Woman lust over what are overuses are Sure enough Assuredly a certain Azure after all, is coming up I'm coming off this fast, man But to be grandfathered into The master craft By the madmen of Manhattan Is Damn. I was hungry. Well DUH. Just shut up and run, would you Shouldn't have uttered it Once is a curse, It's enough Just to be as unloved as I ever was But this one is fucking up my consciousness Of all the award I never won And everyone around Is the mother of his sons But, Where does that come from? The comfort was torn from her heart, Where she left it, On the alter, Still bleeding And his heart never beats for her Evil, she thinks If the keeper of the keys She had bathed/ Or had mated with— But she sees this: “Stamatina” And know there's some Jesus In this Genius And the trickery That just may be as fatal As Mother Nature In his genes, The super creeps and creperies Another demolished apostle For falling in love, She collects, of cours Albums as tokens In the exchanges, she lays all her eggs The jogs toning her legs for the right one, And all out of protein She gobbles the apples and ashes, Ambidextrous Dexters watching all this as the butcher of Some harbor Stuck in New York, New story, With the same old habits All this was a tragic And unhappy accident As cellibacy creeps up In the form of Some imaginative masturbation Fascinated with the fashion And architecture of summon city A portal gun, One dollar bill Some pills Some fuckin remedy for Whoever that shapeshifter Posing as Jimmy Fallon Actually is Cause none of this Can never And never did happen And. When your spirit is floating down that tunnel towards the light— You know what's behind the light? It's not God, it's— LORNE MICHAELS (ME) Uh oh. —and I don't know how you did this, but— {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

“El Machina Caballero” Wait, you're married to Catherine Heinowitz? I was. Like THE Heinowitz? As in Rebecca Heinowitz? —Katie Heinowitz! YES. Like the guys who made Church Factory! You're a Sasquatch. I know. All the TV people are smaller in person In one way or another— Live or behind the scenes Believe me The tv people need you Just as much as You need your TV Please believe me Everything is not what it seems to be As Seen on TV [The Tv People Theme Song] Yes. What is WRONG with you? Something. Marc Shultz? I fucking guess. You're Jewish? If I wasn't before, I am now! You can't be serious. All I see And all I am Is you and I Inside The Eye ___ This is mescaline. Okay. I take this when I get too—(he spins his finger) spun around, wound up. I get that. You want to go with me? No, but I'll watch over you, at least. That's all I ask. Patrick and Esha under the guidance and guise of the eye are best friends, have become bound by blood in such a sacred oath that one does not function without the other, and although moving without restraint or restriction independently, grow magnetically and enigmatically together by force of nature, as we learn to understand that the connection precedes the bond by which the sacred oath has bound them, and also is… Also is what! Goddamn! Idk, lost my train of thought. The irony of irony, is that Patrick tends to get away with his bizarre and off the wire behavior, because he is surrounded by people who love him for his talent and open heart— his downfall often being that the only person who doesn't love Patrick, is himself. 1-888-788-0099. You know what DNA stands for? Do not attempt to talk to me when I'm fasting. I'm not in my body, almost at all. Trying to get God to talk in English is like, A task, Do not attempt. I don't know what channel you're on. Ah, the dreads. The olden ones seem to have known I was coming. More coffee. No, no coffee. Breakfast is— No, I need you fasting for this. For what. Come on. That's not my God. You know what. I know that. Your God is money. Go back to California! I WISH, if I could have an apartment like this in California, I would have been gone, however There is a lot of love in New York. That's the reason it's still standing up. When is this? I don't know. Couldn't have gone too far back, you know— I was still at least 3 days in And three days out, And completely full of shit, Which must mean I'm WHERE'S JIMMY FALLON. I'm Jimmy Fallon. No, the REAL Jimmy Fallon. Go, quickly. Yes, sire! You know, I'll scratch your eyes out. That might take a long time; I have eyes all over this city. Uh, line? Come, ishii, and Quickly. How did I spell that again? One way, or another, All the series are going to collide with all the series, At some point! Listen, Emmitt… Yes. I'm going to need you to explain this experiment to me.,,very—simply. It is simple! You know this! I know this trick! Follow me. I need a safety. I'm oooh, shiny! Whatever. Come on. This is FUCKED UP THIS IS FUCKED UP THIS IS FUCKED UP FUCKED UP TRUMP CITY, USA Just fucking kill me. SETH. Rogen, or Myers? Both of you. What? Really? Yes. Okay. GO, So you know all this to be true, right? Yes. Correct, So if you know that, Then you know I'm not the real Jimmy Fallon… Exactly. I trusted you! Trusted me for WHAT. Not to LOOK. Look. No. Look at me. NO. Oh good, the piano bar. I told you she was gay. I'm not gay, I'm just. Please, just one drink with me. NO, Satan, Jesus. Okay, Jesus, relax. Quit saying your own name. I OWN YOU. You are my SLAVE. Okay. That's…. That's not okay! You killed my boss! Is this like a 3D thank you card, or something? He writes my checks! Did you check his pockets? Severance pay, maybe. How many days is this fasting? I don't know, maybe like 1, 2 Two days? I can do that. Three hundred and 80 MESSAGES. Hey, this is— BEEEEEEP. Messages erased! Hey! What the fuck! You can't have these things, Jimmy! That's just my stage name! Listen to me Was it Connie?! I hope it was Connie! JUST—SHUT UP. Come with me. Why r u following me?! GARY! GARY! SAVE ME! Okay, this is strange, but the subtle SpongeBob references in this series Now make everything crazy. If I kill myself today, you know, he wins at everything. Why would I kill myself on my wedding anniversary. Why would you kill yourself on my birthday. Cause, Plus One, Because, Johnny, I loved you— And I never told you that. Actions speak louder than words. Way, way louder. This is a class action lawsuit from 96 celebrities. What are you suing me for?! Nothing?! MY CORNBREAD RECIPE?! SERIOUSLY?! Who the fuck is driving this thing? It's not me, actually. You should ask the conductor— I'm just having an out of body experience. Okay, that cop did look like Dillon Francis. I thought Dillon Francis was Satan. I thought so too, but then— NICOLAS?! AHAHAHAH. Oh no! He's taken another hostage. Yep. Poor thing! NICKELODEON WOULD YOU DO THIS. Uhhhh—- maybe DOUBLE DARE. FUCK, MAN! Okay, whose driving?! Satan, take the wheel for a second. Okee. *instantly crashes* Instant death! Instant infinity— Dammit. I'm telling you, god is actually winning this thing. WHERE IS HE?! Jim, get out of New York City, Take your family, Take everything with you. Okay. I'm— Wait WHAT. What did you just say?! Nothing, I'll kill you, you know. GOOD. Hello? This is the Illuminati speaking. Okay. Meet me at. What is this, I don't know. The Heineken factory?! I'll give you $36 dollars, every time you say. Why are you doing this? I don't know: That's right! You don't know! Are the eyes in yet? Not yet. Are the headmasters here? Almost. Great. This is going to be a great project— I CANT DYSFUNCTION. Don't you mean. You can't “function “ Well— Yes, and no— It's just MY EYEs! MY EYES DONT WORK. But it's amazing, it's almost as if— You know what. I like these traits. I'm keeping them. NO, LET ME GO. No, little man. Stay in the box, like you're supposed to— Oh and— NO, DONT SHUT ME— imm not shutting you off. I'm just turning the volume—doooown.. No, wait— (But quiet) Ya. I also wish I was white. YUCK. What am I doing like this? Idk. Kill yourself. Right? I wish. BLACK IS BEAUUUUUTIFUL. Yeah. It is. But— Look, don't— Avoid these creatures. Hey baby! wtf is he saying. Idk. I think he speaks English. Switch to English. Uhhh, who am I again. The band made her smile, But the dancer made her laugh. She liked the band; But the dancer made her laugh The band made her happy, But the dancer made her laugh I don't follow a man, unless— The music, yes. Follow that. He's got my heart in his hand And she's got the world in her eyes And he's got his hands on my heart The sermon of sorts, The rock and the kite THE FOURTH REIGHT HAS RISEN! THE SOUTH WILL RIIIIIIIIIIIIZE OH SHIT, I almost forgot this guy WILL FERAL. lol. That actually happened. You shouldn't fast like this City sickness, city sickness Perhaps you should move to Ohio, dear matron, if all you can say is Words with hatred When I loved you in the first place. Hey, Satan. But I just couldn't take it The white devil had his day in my Spiritual Parisian The nuptial edits. The wedding band, Remote controls and Architects Sages and pages of Architects Art directors, Casting agents And I just can't handle it I just need managers Booking, Writing books And keeping close tabs On their dialects Who dialed you in God 9/11 Who dialed you in on 420 The devil himself And my mom must have warned them She warned them with Fireball A cannon Never had a Catastrophe You summoned her, didn't you?! WHO? Which— My MOM! No, MAYA, actually no! You did! You I did not Look, SEYONCE wants you to dance with her. Dance? I can't. That is tragic. He's a GOD, I tell you that! Did I tell you that?! Now, fist bump the trash can. Nah. Dammit. Fuck, man. Yes, I win! That one scene where Patrick sells all of esha's guitsrs— You sold all my stuff?! What is that, anyway?l Liked”, a shrine!!?! What?! Fuck you! —fuck you. I'm a collector! Well, guess what?! Now you're a contributor— What?! You want your precious, fuckin— It's a collection Yeah, well your collection is sitting in an exhibit at your favorite musical in Manhattan How would you know what's my favorite— —let's just say I guessed — Fantastic. you— I donated them. You what— You don't have to thank me, either— One day, that museum will be honored and redededicsted entirely in your namesake I fucking hate you, How would you even know these things. Somethings you've yet to see, But I've seen them, and believe me The Eye is Aching for it For what? The tears in his eyes have turned into l glowing halos, and the whole world becomes something other than what it was, the office, fading into what seems to be a single soundstagec and as the halos in his eyes begin to transform into other worlds, the present becomes the past, as he has been altered—to becom The One; the original Predecessor of The Eye. I don't— What show is this? I don't know. [The Festival Project] …did you dream last night, Esha? …what do you mean? Did you dream? I did dream of him, Last night Two dreams I dreamed A weeklong song, I sung An aching heart I woke with I KNEW THERE WAS HONEY IN THIS. —just—hold onto this for a minute, would you? Sure, I— Aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa So that's where I left it. Hm. THE VEGAN VERSION USES AGAVE AND ROASTED— shhhhhh. This is my recipe now. My secret recipe. Don't spoil it. Sh! OH, ROASTED— ssh! I'm shook. Oh look. There he is again. Fuck!, dude how did you do this?! I don't know! Run! SHOOT HIM. what. Just— Shoot him. I got the gangstas With the pizzas YEET. No, try something else. What, you don't like this one? No, it's not- I YEETS THE PIZZA I EATS THE PIZZA Oh, apparently they were Lizzing at this shit yesterday. For WHAT purpose. That's not funny. Remember: Comedy is always tragic— What. What's this. Oh, that is funny, When it isn't you. It's true. It did seem my baby at one point had a death wish. Oh, look, Yay. Go baby! You're doin it! Woo! Now watch this: [baby attempts to run into oncoming traffic ] Mommy NOOOO! Haha. I remember those days. My baby fever is out of control. LOOK AT HIM W0000000W LOOK AT THESE JEANS YUM. LOOK AT THESE hair, he has nice hair. Try not to scare her: AH. Fuck. Yikes. Okay, I can't see again, which means. I'M BLIND! She took— MY EYEBALLS. Here, use mine. Thanks, uhh— Satan. Oh, thanks Sa— Wait. But my friends and fans call me SKRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL THATS THE X! What?! THATS YOUR X?! NO. WELL, yes, but THATS “THE X” Aw, man. What the fuck, God. I swear, an extra small And I'm still too fat Let's go to McDonald's I LOVE MCDONALDS OH. Hey. Oh, I remember this it's EXIT NO EXIT NOW, before my *before my life gets hacked. lol fuck these fags. Seriously, it's like Well, I'm on my own time NY YOURE ON MY TIME YOURE ON CITY TIME YEh, exactly. This is NO, THIS IS MY TIME always let the white girls go ahead of you; They're trying to be angrily mean and flamboyant, but trust this; She's going to tell you how rough the waters are by taking the journey before you And though she will not show it Maybe ever She loves you As her sister As a woman Okay, you little black bitch Am I little now, the other day I was FAT 8mm I'm gonna kill you. Great, my life is ruined. Ok. I just want like Cereal Some English muffins Like, Oatmeal, Quinoa, I don't care Whatever This ruins you, you know. That's ok. I'd rather be killed by every white girl in the Illuminati, than by my ex husband again. Seriously, is this not torture to you? It is, it's just This is MY magic. That's the—that's the white devil, it's pretty much, I told you this lol I love New York This white girl— I actually liked her She was a bag lady, Uptown, You could tell she was just-/ Stuck in this fucked up world too long, Cause I smiled at her, Cause I liked her Crackheadedness, I guess But you could tell she wasn't on crack Cause she didn't have the crack swagger You know, the— *crack swaggers* That shit. And she was just like Cracked. Probably cause she lived uptown. I personally prefer anything below. 80th She was somewhere like, Above 96th, And I was just like— Lost, with no phone, on God Mode like Well, my eyes don't work and I no longer speak proper English, I'm some kind of bird, I guess And I'm lost as fuck Taking the extra long way home because, I was literally trying to go One fucking place On what is literally the worst day in history: 4/20 Not only because it was Hitler birthday, Or because everyone is now smoking like government funded weed, Which could never be a good thing— But because the only train, Or one of the only train lines That goes directly from this one place to my house Was just— magically “Out” that day Cause, you know— New York City. And this lady gets on the train, Just fucking rambling, And I laughed— Actually out loud, Because, I left my house at like 10 in the morning And I didn't get back until almost midnight, Just trying to get to this one place and like— Couldn't. Or, actually by the time I did I was just— So fucking hungry That everything around me Was some kind of Something I made up Or was working on writing— This also happens when I'm fasting Everything just turns in to [the festival project] Which I thought Nobody else in the world even knew or cared about except for God And the aliens that have been writing it— Which is usually Come on. Where are we going? “Staples” EXT. ONE WORLD TRADE CENTER. DAY AWTF NO. They put his NAME on a BUS. Why would they do THAT?! If you're a whole bus, Then I must be the motor… Satan is my motor His name on a building— Oh hell no. This is the wrong place and time Something is wrong! NO. FUCK THAT GUY FUCK THIS DAY. Just — Dissociate! Dissociate! Uhhh—- I gotta go back in time and stop myself from getting married. Why?! Cause! Everything is his now. We like him better than you. NOOOOOO. KILL YOURSELF THEN. I tried. I was like “Look, Ali” He was like: “Over here” Oh. EXT. ST PAUL'S CEMETARY, DAY. Where you going? Idk. What is that sound. Idk. ELON ALIAS? Uhh__ I don't have an alias for you, son, I'm sorry. You're just ELON MUSK ELON! ELON! Oh, my—christs, what's happened to you? I don't know! My eyes! My eyes! Mmmmm. Rye bread sounds fucking awesome right now. Tight. *sniffs* Tight. Tight. WHOOPDEWOO. Yep. You know—WHOOPDEWOO. WHOOPDE— WHOOPI. What the FUCK. WHAT. I was. Well. That's good. What. I don't know what I'm looking at but I'm starting to like these eyes. What! Whose eyes are these?? Idk. But once I found out I was using Satan's— WAIT, like, the DEVIL?! Yes, Jason Sudakis. yes. You can come. Where are we going?! To get alcohol poisoning. There is a song Kissing the barrel of a gun Protect the land, they sing However, It is he that banishes The truth from nature The apocalypse has been upon us Since the collapse of these mighty towers The collapse of the mighty dollar I'ma still Riding MY BICI— BLAM! AHHHHH! You shot me! I'm sorry son! I thought you were black! I am— Kinda— Or was. *dies melodramatically* NOOOOOOOO! We shot one of our own! —Kinda… Fuck man, I'm gonna get so fired for this. Or like, at least laid off… Well, let's just hope it's a paid leave! [two racist cops— Ahem— Decide rather than going to jail, they will just shoot anybody who comes to the scene of the crime Damn, this gets levels Cause —to summarize, eventually the standoff ends, And when they get to heaven The kid they shit is God(s) “God The Judge” Welcome to my world The only law of the land, is There is no law Bound by the law, Is the land you've let behind All for the better The lost souls They know not to harm one another From the suffering, It's up they come From whence there on, We rise up Leave them in the dust From behind Let's to suffer under us Suffer under us You know what I want? A malotov cocktail For all of the tales I have yet to tell And I never will Cause you've lost my trust There's none of us left you know Where we left you The world we left to suffer under us Serivice, you servitor I see it in your eyes I am in another realm So high above you That you can't deny my diety You can deny my animal My wild side My life inside my life inside my DIE! —just die already Trust me, I'm trying. I'm just a horse I, Race—- —Course These nigga is racist These bitches is heated Cause she see I need him It's all DJs on walls Broken mirrors And broken bottle Alcoholics Mescaline And city sickness [Esha's addictions resurface, Patrick's use peaks at its all time high— ] She ravages the grocery store in search of comfort foods— Patrick is arrested after destroying an entire Liquor store I just had to Run a Madonna Why you thinking about my husband— at all!? I wish I knew, madam I wish I knew the answer I just had to Suffer through An album called Forgiveness I got get this I don't have nothin But suffering to do And I've already done that so, Shut up I couldn't have ever fathomed A cannon so handsom I have a bazooka Bubblegum It matches you cannon See, That's how far up I am— Fall back That be Of course not That's his father, Don't you know? I had to ask, Have you passed on, sir? And if you have— How is your son? That's my hat, though I only know them Once they become broken No promises though On the whole order of it See how far This is my home This is my temple You are my archer, Who holds now and arrows These are my horses These are my stables Run, rabbit, run For I am not stable Run, rabbit, run, rabbit Sit at my table All hail the archer King James, your majesty I called you Saint, Because, This is my masterpiece This is my hand, And this, is my label Come archer Come one and all Sit at my table I called you Saint Because I am unstable I painted this picture, Come sit at my table A land made of glass, And the casket, the cradle I made you up, because I became able to Ableton I only hate you Cause I can't have you I'd only date you If it weren't random Damn, this is tragic Taking my hand like that Showing me magic I'm not taking it back; You're a maniac, man And imm mad at you— Handsome professional Dads have it best I guess father know best And she's perfect The family is golden Her aura was always my horrible An honor it was To serve, you, sire The patriarch Of such a remarkable War with us The hers, and the girls Vursus, Woman lust over what are overuses are Sure enough Assuredly a certain Azure after all, is coming up I'm coming off this fast, man But to be grandfathered into The master craft By the madmen of Manhattan Is Damn. I was hungry. Well DUH. Just shut up and run, would you Shouldn't have uttered it Once is a curse, It's enough Just to be as unloved as I ever was But this one is fucking up my consciousness Of all the award I never won And everyone around Is the mother of his sons But, Where does that come from? The comfort was torn from her heart, Where she left it, On the alter, Still bleeding And his heart never beats for her Evil, she thinks If the keeper of the keys She had bathed/ Or had mated with— But she sees this: “Stamatina” And know there's some Jesus In this Genius And the trickery That just may be as fatal As Mother Nature In his genes, The super creeps and creperies Another demolished apostle For falling in love, She collects, of cours Albums as tokens In the exchanges, she lays all her eggs The jogs toning her legs for the right one, And all out of protein She gobbles the apples and ashes, Ambidextrous Dexters watching all this as the butcher of Some harbor Stuck in New York, New story, With the same old habits All this was a tragic And unhappy accident As cellibacy creeps up In the form of Some imaginative masturbation Fascinated with the fashion And architecture of summon city A portal gun, One dollar bill Some pills Some fuckin remedy for Whoever that shapeshifter Posing as Jimmy Fallon Actually is Cause none of this Can never And never did happen And. When your spirit is floating down that tunnel towards the light— You know what's behind the light? It's not God, it's— LORNE MICHAELS (ME) Uh oh. —and I don't know how you did this, but— {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

“El Machina Caballero” Wait, you're married to Catherine Heinowitz? I was. Like THE Heinowitz? As in Rebecca Heinowitz? —Katie Heinowitz! YES. Like the guys who made Church Factory! You're a Sasquatch. I know. All the TV people are smaller in person In one way or another— Live or behind the scenes Believe me The tv people need you Just as much as You need your TV Please believe me Everything is not what it seems to be As Seen on TV [The Tv People Theme Song] Yes. What is WRONG with you? Something. Marc Shultz? I fucking guess. You're Jewish? If I wasn't before, I am now! You can't be serious. All I see And all I am Is you and I Inside The Eye ___ This is mescaline. Okay. I take this when I get too—(he spins his finger) spun around, wound up. I get that. You want to go with me? No, but I'll watch over you, at least. That's all I ask. Patrick and Esha under the guidance and guise of the eye are best friends, have become bound by blood in such a sacred oath that one does not function without the other, and although moving without restraint or restriction independently, grow magnetically and enigmatically together by force of nature, as we learn to understand that the connection precedes the bond by which the sacred oath has bound them, and also is… Also is what! Goddamn! Idk, lost my train of thought. The irony of irony, is that Patrick tends to get away with his bizarre and off the wire behavior, because he is surrounded by people who love him for his talent and open heart— his downfall often being that the only person who doesn't love Patrick, is himself. 1-888-788-0099. You know what DNA stands for? Do not attempt to talk to me when I'm fasting. I'm not in my body, almost at all. Trying to get God to talk in English is like, A task, Do not attempt. I don't know what channel you're on. Ah, the dreads. The olden ones seem to have known I was coming. More coffee. No, no coffee. Breakfast is— No, I need you fasting for this. For what. Come on. That's not my God. You know what. I know that. Your God is money. Go back to California! I WISH, if I could have an apartment like this in California, I would have been gone, however There is a lot of love in New York. That's the reason it's still standing up. When is this? I don't know. Couldn't have gone too far back, you know— I was still at least 3 days in And three days out, And completely full of shit, Which must mean I'm WHERE'S JIMMY FALLON. I'm Jimmy Fallon. No, the REAL Jimmy Fallon. Go, quickly. Yes, sire! You know, I'll scratch your eyes out. That might take a long time; I have eyes all over this city. Uh, line? Come, ishii, and Quickly. How did I spell that again? One way, or another, All the series are going to collide with all the series, At some point! Listen, Emmitt… Yes. I'm going to need you to explain this experiment to me.,,very—simply. It is simple! You know this! I know this trick! Follow me. I need a safety. I'm oooh, shiny! Whatever. Come on. This is FUCKED UP THIS IS FUCKED UP THIS IS FUCKED UP FUCKED UP TRUMP CITY, USA Just fucking kill me. SETH. Rogen, or Myers? Both of you. What? Really? Yes. Okay. GO, So you know all this to be true, right? Yes. Correct, So if you know that, Then you know I'm not the real Jimmy Fallon… Exactly. I trusted you! Trusted me for WHAT. Not to LOOK. Look. No. Look at me. NO. Oh good, the piano bar. I told you she was gay. I'm not gay, I'm just. Please, just one drink with me. NO, Satan, Jesus. Okay, Jesus, relax. Quit saying your own name. I OWN YOU. You are my SLAVE. Okay. That's…. That's not okay! You killed my boss! Is this like a 3D thank you card, or something? He writes my checks! Did you check his pockets? Severance pay, maybe. How many days is this fasting? I don't know, maybe like 1, 2 Two days? I can do that. Three hundred and 80 MESSAGES. Hey, this is— BEEEEEEP. Messages erased! Hey! What the fuck! You can't have these things, Jimmy! That's just my stage name! Listen to me Was it Connie?! I hope it was Connie! JUST—SHUT UP. Come with me. Why r u following me?! GARY! GARY! SAVE ME! Okay, this is strange, but the subtle SpongeBob references in this series Now make everything crazy. If I kill myself today, you know, he wins at everything. Why would I kill myself on my wedding anniversary. Why would you kill yourself on my birthday. Cause, Plus One, Because, Johnny, I loved you— And I never told you that. Actions speak louder than words. Way, way louder. This is a class action lawsuit from 96 celebrities. What are you suing me for?! Nothing?! MY CORNBREAD RECIPE?! SERIOUSLY?! Who the fuck is driving this thing? It's not me, actually. You should ask the conductor— I'm just having an out of body experience. Okay, that cop did look like Dillon Francis. I thought Dillon Francis was Satan. I thought so too, but then— NICOLAS?! AHAHAHAH. Oh no! He's taken another hostage. Yep. Poor thing! NICKELODEON WOULD YOU DO THIS. Uhhhh—- maybe DOUBLE DARE. FUCK, MAN! Okay, whose driving?! Satan, take the wheel for a second. Okee. *instantly crashes* Instant death! Instant infinity— Dammit. I'm telling you, god is actually winning this thing. WHERE IS HE?! Jim, get out of New York City, Take your family, Take everything with you. Okay. I'm— Wait WHAT. What did you just say?! Nothing, I'll kill you, you know. GOOD. Hello? This is the Illuminati speaking. Okay. Meet me at. What is this, I don't know. The Heineken factory?! I'll give you $36 dollars, every time you say. Why are you doing this? I don't know: That's right! You don't know! Are the eyes in yet? Not yet. Are the headmasters here? Almost. Great. This is going to be a great project— I CANT DYSFUNCTION. Don't you mean. You can't “function “ Well— Yes, and no— It's just MY EYEs! MY EYES DONT WORK. But it's amazing, it's almost as if— You know what. I like these traits. I'm keeping them. NO, LET ME GO. No, little man. Stay in the box, like you're supposed to— Oh and— NO, DONT SHUT ME— imm not shutting you off. I'm just turning the volume—doooown.. No, wait— (But quiet) Ya. I also wish I was white. YUCK. What am I doing like this? Idk. Kill yourself. Right? I wish. BLACK IS BEAUUUUUTIFUL. Yeah. It is. But— Look, don't— Avoid these creatures. Hey baby! wtf is he saying. Idk. I think he speaks English. Switch to English. Uhhh, who am I again. The band made her smile, But the dancer made her laugh. She liked the band; But the dancer made her laugh The band made her happy, But the dancer made her laugh I don't follow a man, unless— The music, yes. Follow that. He's got my heart in his hand And she's got the world in her eyes And he's got his hands on my heart The sermon of sorts, The rock and the kite THE FOURTH REIGHT HAS RISEN! THE SOUTH WILL RIIIIIIIIIIIIZE OH SHIT, I almost forgot this guy WILL FERAL. lol. That actually happened. You shouldn't fast like this City sickness, city sickness Perhaps you should move to Ohio, dear matron, if all you can say is Words with hatred When I loved you in the first place. Hey, Satan. But I just couldn't take it The white devil had his day in my Spiritual Parisian The nuptial edits. The wedding band, Remote controls and Architects Sages and pages of Architects Art directors, Casting agents And I just can't handle it I just need managers Booking, Writing books And keeping close tabs On their dialects Who dialed you in God 9/11 Who dialed you in on 420 The devil himself And my mom must have warned them She warned them with Fireball A cannon Never had a Catastrophe You summoned her, didn't you?! WHO? Which— My MOM! No, MAYA, actually no! You did! You I did not Look, SEYONCE wants you to dance with her. Dance? I can't. That is tragic. He's a GOD, I tell you that! Did I tell you that?! Now, fist bump the trash can. Nah. Dammit. Fuck, man. Yes, I win! That one scene where Patrick sells all of esha's guitsrs— You sold all my stuff?! What is that, anyway?l Liked”, a shrine!!?! What?! Fuck you! —fuck you. I'm a collector! Well, guess what?! Now you're a contributor— What?! You want your precious, fuckin— It's a collection Yeah, well your collection is sitting in an exhibit at your favorite musical in Manhattan How would you know what's my favorite— —let's just say I guessed — Fantastic. you— I donated them. You what— You don't have to thank me, either— One day, that museum will be honored and redededicsted entirely in your namesake I fucking hate you, How would you even know these things. Somethings you've yet to see, But I've seen them, and believe me The Eye is Aching for it For what? The tears in his eyes have turned into l glowing halos, and the whole world becomes something other than what it was, the office, fading into what seems to be a single soundstagec and as the halos in his eyes begin to transform into other worlds, the present becomes the past, as he has been altered—to becom The One; the original Predecessor of The Eye. I don't— What show is this? I don't know. [The Festival Project] …did you dream last night, Esha? …what do you mean? Did you dream? I did dream of him, Last night Two dreams I dreamed A weeklong song, I sung An aching heart I woke with I KNEW THERE WAS HONEY IN THIS. —just—hold onto this for a minute, would you? Sure, I— Aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa So that's where I left it. Hm. THE VEGAN VERSION USES AGAVE AND ROASTED— shhhhhh. This is my recipe now. My secret recipe. Don't spoil it. Sh! OH, ROASTED— ssh! I'm shook. Oh look. There he is again. Fuck!, dude how did you do this?! I don't know! Run! SHOOT HIM. what. Just— Shoot him. I got the gangstas With the pizzas YEET. No, try something else. What, you don't like this one? No, it's not- I YEETS THE PIZZA I EATS THE PIZZA Oh, apparently they were Lizzing at this shit yesterday. For WHAT purpose. That's not funny. Remember: Comedy is always tragic— What. What's this. Oh, that is funny, When it isn't you. It's true. It did seem my baby at one point had a death wish. Oh, look, Yay. Go baby! You're doin it! Woo! Now watch this: [baby attempts to run into oncoming traffic ] Mommy NOOOO! Haha. I remember those days. My baby fever is out of control. LOOK AT HIM W0000000W LOOK AT THESE JEANS YUM. LOOK AT THESE hair, he has nice hair. Try not to scare her: AH. Fuck. Yikes. Okay, I can't see again, which means. I'M BLIND! She took— MY EYEBALLS. Here, use mine. Thanks, uhh— Satan. Oh, thanks Sa— Wait. But my friends and fans call me SKRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL THATS THE X! What?! THATS YOUR X?! NO. WELL, yes, but THATS “THE X” Aw, man. What the fuck, God. I swear, an extra small And I'm still too fat Let's go to McDonald's I LOVE MCDONALDS OH. Hey. Oh, I remember this it's EXIT NO EXIT NOW, before my *before my life gets hacked. lol fuck these fags. Seriously, it's like Well, I'm on my own time NY YOURE ON MY TIME YOURE ON CITY TIME YEh, exactly. This is NO, THIS IS MY TIME always let the white girls go ahead of you; They're trying to be angrily mean and flamboyant, but trust this; She's going to tell you how rough the waters are by taking the journey before you And though she will not show it Maybe ever She loves you As her sister As a woman Okay, you little black bitch Am I little now, the other day I was FAT 8mm I'm gonna kill you. Great, my life is ruined. Ok. I just want like Cereal Some English muffins Like, Oatmeal, Quinoa, I don't care Whatever This ruins you, you know. That's ok. I'd rather be killed by every white girl in the Illuminati, than by my ex husband again. Seriously, is this not torture to you? It is, it's just This is MY magic. That's the—that's the white devil, it's pretty much, I told you this lol I love New York This white girl— I actually liked her She was a bag lady, Uptown, You could tell she was just-/ Stuck in this fucked up world too long, Cause I smiled at her, Cause I liked her Crackheadedness, I guess But you could tell she wasn't on crack Cause she didn't have the crack swagger You know, the— *crack swaggers* That shit. And she was just like Cracked. Probably cause she lived uptown. I personally prefer anything below. 80th She was somewhere like, Above 96th, And I was just like— Lost, with no phone, on God Mode like Well, my eyes don't work and I no longer speak proper English, I'm some kind of bird, I guess And I'm lost as fuck Taking the extra long way home because, I was literally trying to go One fucking place On what is literally the worst day in history: 4/20 Not only because it was Hitler birthday, Or because everyone is now smoking like government funded weed, Which could never be a good thing— But because the only train, Or one of the only train lines That goes directly from this one place to my house Was just— magically “Out” that day Cause, you know— New York City. And this lady gets on the train, Just fucking rambling, And I laughed— Actually out loud, Because, I left my house at like 10 in the morning And I didn't get back until almost midnight, Just trying to get to this one place and like— Couldn't. Or, actually by the time I did I was just— So fucking hungry That everything around me Was some kind of Something I made up Or was working on writing— This also happens when I'm fasting Everything just turns in to [the festival project] Which I thought Nobody else in the world even knew or cared about except for God And the aliens that have been writing it— Which is usually Come on. Where are we going? “Staples” EXT. ONE WORLD TRADE CENTER. DAY AWTF NO. They put his NAME on a BUS. Why would they do THAT?! If you're a whole bus, Then I must be the motor… Satan is my motor His name on a building— Oh hell no. This is the wrong place and time Something is wrong! NO. FUCK THAT GUY FUCK THIS DAY. Just — Dissociate! Dissociate! Uhhh—- I gotta go back in time and stop myself from getting married. Why?! Cause! Everything is his now. We like him better than you. NOOOOOO. KILL YOURSELF THEN. I tried. I was like “Look, Ali” He was like: “Over here” Oh. EXT. ST PAUL'S CEMETARY, DAY. Where you going? Idk. What is that sound. Idk. ELON ALIAS? Uhh__ I don't have an alias for you, son, I'm sorry. You're just ELON MUSK ELON! ELON! Oh, my—christs, what's happened to you? I don't know! My eyes! My eyes! Mmmmm. Rye bread sounds fucking awesome right now. Tight. *sniffs* Tight. Tight. WHOOPDEWOO. Yep. You know—WHOOPDEWOO. WHOOPDE— WHOOPI. What the FUCK. WHAT. I was. Well. That's good. What. I don't know what I'm looking at but I'm starting to like these eyes. What! Whose eyes are these?? Idk. But once I found out I was using Satan's— WAIT, like, the DEVIL?! Yes, Jason Sudakis. yes. You can come. Where are we going?! To get alcohol poisoning. There is a song Kissing the barrel of a gun Protect the land, they sing However, It is he that banishes The truth from nature The apocalypse has been upon us Since the collapse of these mighty towers The collapse of the mighty dollar I'ma still Riding MY BICI— BLAM! AHHHHH! You shot me! I'm sorry son! I thought you were black! I am— Kinda— Or was. *dies melodramatically* NOOOOOOOO! We shot one of our own! —Kinda… Fuck man, I'm gonna get so fired for this. Or like, at least laid off… Well, let's just hope it's a paid leave! [two racist cops— Ahem— Decide rather than going to jail, they will just shoot anybody who comes to the scene of the crime Damn, this gets levels Cause —to summarize, eventually the standoff ends, And when they get to heaven The kid they shit is God(s) “God The Judge” Welcome to my world The only law of the land, is There is no law Bound by the law, Is the land you've let behind All for the better The lost souls They know not to harm one another From the suffering, It's up they come From whence there on, We rise up Leave them in the dust From behind Let's to suffer under us Suffer under us You know what I want? A malotov cocktail For all of the tales I have yet to tell And I never will Cause you've lost my trust There's none of us left you know Where we left you The world we left to suffer under us Serivice, you servitor I see it in your eyes I am in another realm So high above you That you can't deny my diety You can deny my animal My wild side My life inside my life inside my DIE! —just die already Trust me, I'm trying. I'm just a horse I, Race—- —Course These nigga is racist These bitches is heated Cause she see I need him It's all DJs on walls Broken mirrors And broken bottle Alcoholics Mescaline And city sickness [Esha's addictions resurface, Patrick's use peaks at its all time high— ] She ravages the grocery store in search of comfort foods— Patrick is arrested after destroying an entire Liquor store I just had to Run a Madonna Why you thinking about my husband— at all!? I wish I knew, madam I wish I knew the answer I just had to Suffer through An album called Forgiveness I got get this I don't have nothin But suffering to do And I've already done that so, Shut up I couldn't have ever fathomed A cannon so handsom I have a bazooka Bubblegum It matches you cannon See, That's how far up I am— Fall back That be Of course not That's his father, Don't you know? I had to ask, Have you passed on, sir? And if you have— How is your son? That's my hat, though I only know them Once they become broken No promises though On the whole order of it See how far This is my home This is my temple You are my archer, Who holds now and arrows These are my horses These are my stables Run, rabbit, run For I am not stable Run, rabbit, run, rabbit Sit at my table All hail the archer King James, your majesty I called you Saint, Because, This is my masterpiece This is my hand, And this, is my label Come archer Come one and all Sit at my table I called you Saint Because I am unstable I painted this picture, Come sit at my table A land made of glass, And the casket, the cradle I made you up, because I became able to Ableton I only hate you Cause I can't have you I'd only date you If it weren't random Damn, this is tragic Taking my hand like that Showing me magic I'm not taking it back; You're a maniac, man And imm mad at you— Handsome professional Dads have it best I guess father know best And she's perfect The family is golden Her aura was always my horrible An honor it was To serve, you, sire The patriarch Of such a remarkable War with us The hers, and the girls Vursus, Woman lust over what are overuses are Sure enough Assuredly a certain Azure after all, is coming up I'm coming off this fast, man But to be grandfathered into The master craft By the madmen of Manhattan Is Damn. I was hungry. Well DUH. Just shut up and run, would you Shouldn't have uttered it Once is a curse, It's enough Just to be as unloved as I ever was But this one is fucking up my consciousness Of all the award I never won And everyone around Is the mother of his sons But, Where does that come from? The comfort was torn from her heart, Where she left it, On the alter, Still bleeding And his heart never beats for her Evil, she thinks If the keeper of the keys She had bathed/ Or had mated with— But she sees this: “Stamatina” And know there's some Jesus In this Genius And the trickery That just may be as fatal As Mother Nature In his genes, The super creeps and creperies Another demolished apostle For falling in love, She collects, of cours Albums as tokens In the exchanges, she lays all her eggs The jogs toning her legs for the right one, And all out of protein She gobbles the apples and ashes, Ambidextrous Dexters watching all this as the butcher of Some harbor Stuck in New York, New story, With the same old habits All this was a tragic And unhappy accident As cellibacy creeps up In the form of Some imaginative masturbation Fascinated with the fashion And architecture of summon city A portal gun, One dollar bill Some pills Some fuckin remedy for Whoever that shapeshifter Posing as Jimmy Fallon Actually is Cause none of this Can never And never did happen And. When your spirit is floating down that tunnel towards the light— You know what's behind the light? It's not God, it's— LORNE MICHAELS (ME) Uh oh. —and I don't know how you did this, but— {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS TEW!!!  He's celebrating another trip around the sun on May 18th!!!!!Chunga and Chandler are sick... They've been really sick with odd symptoms for a while. Just yesterday, the government has released information about a new strain of covid that matches every one of their symptoms AND can't be detected by covid tests!!!  Gregg is sad... It's EDC week in Vegas!  The entire city is full of nearly naked raver girls and he's not in Vegas to see them this year! NOOOOOO!!!!!Hey look!!!!  Heather Snow is here to talk about all of the INSANE entertainment options you'll have at your fingertips on board the Symphony of the Seas! She also got some great news about available staterooms!!!CHUNGA POLL: What's something you'll only do when you're on vacation!?!  Post your answers below!!!!While laying around sick, Chunga and Chandler found an incredible NEW Duran Duran documentary and concert!  It's amazing!!!!!Plus, Gregg has another fantastic video game themed movie shout-out!!! Listen NOW!!! It's on www.radioronin.com and everywhere you get your podcasts!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS TEW!!!  He's celebrating another trip around the sun on May 18th!!!!!Chunga and Chandler are sick... They've been really sick with odd symptoms for a while. Just yesterday, the government has released information about a new strain of covid that matches every one of their symptoms AND can't be detected by covid tests!!!  Gregg is sad... It's EDC week in Vegas!  The entire city is full of nearly naked raver girls and he's not in Vegas to see them this year! NOOOOOO!!!!!Hey look!!!!  Heather Snow is here to talk about all of the INSANE entertainment options you'll have at your fingertips on board the Symphony of the Seas! She also got some great news about available staterooms!!!CHUNGA POLL: What's something you'll only do when you're on vacation!?!  Post your answers below!!!!While laying around sick, Chunga and Chandler found an incredible NEW Duran Duran documentary and concert!  It's amazing!!!!!Plus, Gregg has another fantastic video game themed movie shout-out!!! Listen NOW!!! It's on www.radioronin.com and everywhere you get your podcasts!!

Noooooo oneeee pods like Gaston, goes on tangents like Gaston, speculates on how bad being the Beast's toilet would be like Gaston! Caroline Darney, Ryan Nanni, and Kyle Bandujo continue on with animated movie month by finding a way to talk about Russian women's hoops, The Jetsons, and how annoying 11 year olds are in breaking down "Beauty and the Beast." Follow Caroline on Twitter @cwdarney, Ryan @celebrityhottub, and Kyle @kylebandujo Buy "Movies With Balls: The Greatest Sports Films of All Time, Analyzed, Mapped, and Illustrated" here or wherever books are sold. You can support Big Screen Sports, get schedule updates, and pick movies to be covered in upcoming episodes by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/bigscreensports. Big Screen Sports is hosted/edited by Kyle Bandujo, and produced by Aaron Figueroa, Mike Schubert, Steve Rogers, Kevin Frost, Mike Dries, Ryan "Nigel" Yager, Mike D, Chris Mycoskie, Andrew Tuegel, John Craig, Zach Rich, Jason Alba, Stephen DeBow, Kevin Enkelmann, Dan McFall, Mac Lindsey, Curt Ritchie, Robert Dove, Andrew Tuegel, Jeff Estes, Anthony Scafone, Benjamin Baumann, Taylor Logan, Shawn Hoffman, Peter Robl, and Classic Stadium Fire. Art for Big Screen Sports was created by Riki Prosper. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

NOOOOOO!!!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Mask..... Noooooo, not the Jim Carey movie, I'm talking about the mask that people wear to hide their true self from the public. Welcome to the Bare Naked Truth Podcast, where we speak about everything real, and this episode will be no different. Only a few days into the new year, and we already have aliens spotted in a Miami mall, and California has banned pre employment drug testing. also, on this episode, we dive into the infamous Katt Williams interview on Club Shay Shay, we talk about having intercourse with other people, while you are in the talking phase with someone and we also want to know if American children are being fundamentally left behind other children in other nations. While we are speaking on relationships, we wonder why there is so much pushback when men are deemed the prize. Should potential college athletes be eliminated or overlooked because of their social media presence? Should jobs hold people accountable because of their social media posts? Well, we answer all of this and much more on this episode, so make sure you are tuned in and paying close attention because this ride will get bumpy. #explore #motivational #podcast #bntpodcast The fun doesn't stop here. Make sure you check out the website for all things BARE NAKED TRUTH PODCAST related, we have merch, videos, and audio podcasts for you to enjoy. Please support the cause by getting some merch or donating to the brand to help us continue to grow. Make sure you leave a voicemail to let us know you stopped by to show us some love.....so click the link and come hang with us at www.bntpodcast.club

Did you "go crazy" when your ABUSER moved on their next victim? Let's talk about why that might be and what to do about it!Website: thelindsaygoodman.com1:1 coaching/group coaching: calendly.com/thelindsaygoodman --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotallrainbows/support

SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE HORNY GOAT CONTENT!: https://bit.ly/3AeE7nb In this video, I'll show you Vader is Born... NOOOOOO!!! | Star Wars Round Table Episode 3. Enjoy! We are back with the final episode of the prequals and we have quite a bit to cover as this is the longest one in all three of the franchise. A lot of twists and turns happen in this movie and there's going to be quite a bit of banter back and forth between us all about everything that transpires in this movie. So join for the review, stay for the conversation. BE MY FRIEND:

Colby Sapp's Mystery Shotgun 9/26: Aquababy? Noooooo! WEBSITE: https://www.dspmediaonline.com/show/colby-sapps-mystery-shotgun-podcast/ Download the NEW Fan Stream Sports APP on iOS and Android! Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/083xpO2qNh2TKln8EQAwpV Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/colby-sapps-mystery-shotgun-podcast/id1550351698 Follow Colby on X at @ColbySapp Join the NEW Fan Stream Sports Facebook group to interact with hosts and other fans: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1701025303664208 Presented by Turf Life at Turflife.club - The brand that showcases sports, businesses, education, and our enjoyment of the outdoors and Golf Central Magazine at GolfCentralMag.com - Check out the latest issue online for FREE today! Also sponsored by Orca Golf - The Best In Game - Orca-Golf.com.

Sarah answers the question: Should the penis be required equipment for one to be in a leadership position? Short answer. No. Long answer. Noooooo.    Continuing our cult series, we round the corner into milieu control, which is fun to say, hard to spell, but fascinating to dive into. Click the play button, dear listener, and let's go on a magic podcast ride. Heads up, this episode has salty language but lots of love and mental health discussion.    Sarah's recent apperance on the Almost Awakened podcast.    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLq34QmiHsNjc0OsEuCziKhCIJeRL7h-Pn       Steven Hassan: The BITE model.   https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model/ Recovering Agency by Luna Lindsey Corbden. Pg 142-156. https://www.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Luna-Lindsey-audiobook/dp/B01M9JSIRU/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3TF4WZFLCD00I&keywords=recovering+agency&qid=1685207345&sprefix=recovering+acency%2Caps%2C103&sr=8-1  

There are some things you only learn through experience, and understanding how to get and retain a woman's attention is one of them. Female dating coaches don't have the experience of talking to literally hundreds and hundreds of women like Mark has, all they can do is offer their own singular perspective which will not apply to the large majority of girls you talk to. So today Mark is setting the record straight on what you ACTUALLY need to do in order to keep a girl interested in you long term. Get Your FREE 1 on 1 Breakthrough Session By CLICKING HERE Watch UMP Episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCybix9PZoDgcyyt5hNxPLuw Grab Mark's Free Program: "The Approach Formula": http://www.CoachMarkSing.com/The-Approach-Formula Follow Mark on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachmarksing/ Contact Mark Directly: CoachMarkSing@Gmail.com

NOOOOOO!!!!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Raven is about to buy something new for his house, but Anna realized this purchase may have some implications for his marriage! (:15) Do you or one of your kids have a peanut allergy?  According to Dr. Jennifer Wider, there may be something you can do about it! (3:47) It's never ok to steal, but if you decide to be a thief and can't even get yourself a proper mask first, that's all I need to know about you! (7:48) Are you up to date on this week's biggest news stories?  Anna and Raven will get you caught up on what's trending, including the massive merger in the world of sports! (10:52) We've all heard of dating “red flags” but what about beige flags?  Anna and Raven found a TikTok video that shows you how to avoid ending up with a boring partner! (14:51) When was the last time you yelled “noooooooo”?  Anna's younger daughter can be a handful, but even Anna was shocked when her toddler started doing something hysterically inappropriate in the dog park! (18:50) Do you listen to ASMR before you go to sleep?  Anna and Raven found some ASMR clips that are so relaxing, a major hotel chain has started using them! (26:01) Do you have a unique middle name?  Anna and Raven only recently found out that their boss has a middle name that caused him a lot of grief in middle school! (29:57) Chris and Becky adopted a puppy two months ago and named him Clifford. Now, Becky's sister has reached out because she would like to name her newborn son Clifford and wants her to change the dog's name. Becky doesn't think it's a big deal, it's her nephew- plus, it's only two months, the puppy won't know the difference. But her husband, Chris, disagrees. He thinks they named their dog first, why do they have to change it? No one is going to confuse the dog and the baby. What do you think? (37:16) Stacey has got a shot at $1500! All she has to do is beat Raven in pop culture trivia! (45:24)

The girls read and react to your toxic friend stories! Follow us on IG: @tellmesispodcast https://bit.ly/3sPtSTs Follow us on TikTok: @tellmesispodcast https://bit.ly/3WniYlB Listen on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3SZoSa7 Listen on Apple Podcast: https://apple.co/3e70iFC Follow + Support Alex IG: http://bit.ly/1TUKMdB TikTok: https://bit.ly/3sp0hA5 YouTube: http://bit.ly/1UWrxxq Follow + Support Kyla IG: http://bit.ly/1L24YEd tellmesispodcast@gmail.com

don't skip this episode!! i know because it sounds boring, or you think you got it all figured out you think, "okay, maybe skipping one episode won't hurt!" NOOOOOO you've got it all wrong! this episode is suprisingly entertaining, (we go off topic a lot, lol) and pretty beneficial! it don't matter who you are, you can probably benefit! (unless you're like a really cool genius person who's got it all figured out...) then yeah i give you permission to skip this... but anyway, enjoy!

... and that is unhealthy -- for YOU.Healthy relationships have equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. Toxic relationships do not. You will be coping tooooo much, and in balance tooooo little.Does that sound familiar? You could be giving your life away to a narcissist with nothing but promises in return. Listen in to this episode and find out what's true for you.To cope is defined as "to deal effectively with something" (Oxford) or to "deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties." When you have to do that ALL the time because you're with a person, partner, or parent who demands it, it's exhausting. Sure, we can cope with emergencies. That's normal and healthy. BUT, COPING all the time? NOOOOOO! That's what it feels like when you're with a narcissistic Hijackal, right? Everything is an emergency that you have to deal with: their emergencies, needs, demands, or directives.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why coping is an interim strategy, NOT a lifestyleWhen you find yourself running to please someone else, you can lose yourselfWhy it's important to see the narcissistic behavior clearlyHijackals don't change except for a hot minute when they want something from youIdentify if you are exhausted from coping with a narcissist for yearsI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community #copingisexhausting #narcissistisdemanding #hijackalisdemanding #copingskillsexhausted #copingistoomuch#emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NOOOOOO!!!! NOT TECH!!! Colleen, Daniel and Anders are here to pour one out for their fallen brother! This week, we break down the 2-part season 2 finale of the Bad Batch on Disney+: Summit and Plan 99.We go through all of the easter eggs and callbacks to other Star Wars properties, reflect on the season as a whole and start theorizing about where the cliffhangers will go in Season 3.www.forgottenentertainment.comwww.bohemiangeekstudies.com

Good morning, afternoon, and evening! Hope you're ready for a double feature because we're about to dive to the depths and take to the sky! In this episode, Kaylie, Bodio, and Gibby discuss the iconic games Bioshock and Bioshock Infinite. Where do their famed narratives and aesthetics succeed? Why do we connect with these games so much? How did we come to take the name "Big Daddy" so seriously? All these questions will be answered! All questions about Bioshock 2 will not. Apologies to all twelve of its fans. Also included: Rap God Hank Trills, The Beaver Lord Bucc-ee, Poochie the Dog, a screaming Picard, and being very defensive about Michigan.

Crystal Simmons talks about the power of a "NO" and a smile.  Feeling like you're losing track of your time OR working late and don't know why?  What about not spending as much time with your family or friends?  This episode is for you. Let's Noooooo. The Crystal-Clear Purposes in this week's show are: 1. How often do you say NO? 2. The perks of a NO 3. Putting that NO into action For more clarity, check out www.CrystalClearPurposes.com [ ] Increase your AWARENESS with one small step --->>> https://app.acuityscheduling.com/catalog.php?owner=22935311&action=addCart&clear=1&id=1329319 [ ] Masterful, Melodic Music Production by: @evthehealer on IG https://instagram.com/evthehealer?utm_medium=copy_link [ ] Phenomenal Podcast Editing by: 4 Sight Media LLC https://instagram.com/mike_boogi3?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= ☆ Tell them,  Crystal sent you! ☆ --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/crystal-simmons2/support

*Content | Trigger Warning* There are brief mentions of suicide. If you or someone you love needs help please visit https://www.samhsa.gov/ for resources. Men have never been worse. Noooooo, I don't mean toxic masculinity. Dr. Josh joins me to discuss the crisis that is men's mental health. The stats in the US are alarming with more men losing their battle with mental health then ever before. Dr. Josh shares what men uniquely grapple with, how they can better access support and the importance of that support. He also gives a great answer as to why men participate in toxic masculinity which I will forever be grateful to him for giving language to. Where to find us:Learn more about Dr. JoshFollow Dr. Josh on Instagram Subscribe to the How to be Human Substack Leave a message on SpeakpipeHow to Be Human InstagramAnna's InstagramBook a session with Anna

On this special rambling episode of the show, I gently ramble about strange websites I've found online including Noooooo.com, Virtual Toilet Paper, The Collective Unconscious, Gravity Points, and much more. Enjoy! --- Tip / Buy us a coffee! buymeacoff.ee/sI5ZB4N --- FOUR SIGMATIC Delicious and almost-magically easy products to help you achieve elevated wellness and feel your best. Products ranging from coffee to protein powder. Enjoy 10% off at foursigmatic.com --- SHOW PARTNERS My sponsor, Betterhelp: https://Betterhelp.com/Relax 10% off exclusive offer to Sleep and Relax ASMR listeners. BetterHelp is the largest online counseling platform worldwide. They offer convenient, discreet, and affordable access to a licensed therapist. Available worldwide Jupiter Organic CBD Get 10% off your order of Jupiter CBD by visiting GetJupiter.com and using code ASMR at checkout https://www.getjupiter.com/sleepandrelaxasmr --- DOWNLOAD: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sleep-and-relax-asmr/id1133320064 Anchor: https://anchor.fm/sleepandrelaxasmr Radio Public: https://radiopublic.com/sleep-and-relax-asmr-6pAPm8 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4VvI482AIUgKZGfOWqjuyw Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sleep-and-relax-asmr Castbox: https://castbox.fm/channel/id356618 TuneIn Radio: http://tunein.com/radio/Sleep-and-Relax-ASMR-p899136/ Pobean: https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/tvjti-4fcb7/Sleep-and-Relax-ASMR-Podcast --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sleepandrelaxasmr/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/sleepandrelaxasmr/support

*** Episode 69: " LCD Talks About... Our Influences! PART 1" drops tonight at 7:00PM EST! *** Howdy y'all, and welcome to the first #LCDPodcast episode of 2023! We went back to the original format for this episode - this time, it's just Shay, LMC and Jeremy hanging out and talking about what has influenced us over our years in the minitruck world. This is a true parking lot BS session. This topic was WAY too much for just one episode, and will be revisited with more parts soon! PS: There might be an unplanned surprise phone call from an upcoming major guest! That's what we get for forgetting to put the phone off the hook while we record! For now, "Enjoy" what made us "famous" (at least to 8.5 listeners!) by pulling up a chair and sitting around with us as we tell old stories that are irrelevant to anyone else! EPISODE AT A GLANCE: Guests: None JV Team: Jeremy GMDOTD: Kroger Big K Citrus Drop Shay Offensiveness Count: Mostly during the intro! How LATE was Shay: On time. If he's on time once more, we are removing this Should Jon Lily's Kids listen? No. Noooooo. No. -=-=- Find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever else you do your podcast tradin'! For more old parking lot stories told by slightly offensive #hillbillies, check out the #lcdpodcast for all things #minitruckin and #appalachia. Straight from the hills and hollers of Eastern Kentucky, listen and find out why we are YOUR #voiceofthelowlife !

On Jan. 3, Ronzoni announced that it would be discontinuing its Pastina -- and Sue and Kendra are not happy about it. Then we all started thinking about other food favorites that have been discontinued. 

Reddit rSlash Storytime maliciouscompliance where "Just do your job and shut up!" Noooooo problem. I was given the choice of option A or option B. I chose option B, the admins regretted giving me the option, and then it got personal. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

That one time when the Black Panthers, the militant Weather Underground and the surf mafia The Brotherhood of Eternal Love came together to free a psychedelic charlatanSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

NOOOOOO!!!!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Geez you're so drama, honey!!! You don't want something, you want it to change, but if it doesn't change on your terms you're gonna dig your heels in and pout about it. What's that all about?!?! Your dead people are gonna tell you in this episode cuz they're so over watching you make your life way harder than it needs to be!What if you trusted that the universe always is on your side? What if changes that happen in your life are all aligning perfectly to make your wildest dreams come true? And what if you could let it all happen FOR you, rather than thinking it's all happening to you and setting you up for something bad to happen?  This is your invitation, honey. So press play and enjoy!!

This week it seems Serena and the ideals of Gilead seem to be gaining a foothold in Canada. NOOOOOO!!!!!! Does Serena ALWAYS get what she wants…?You can find our contact info and all our other shows at: podcastica.com Daphne, Wendy, and Jason would all appreciate it if you'd subscribe to our standalone Handmaid's Tale podcast and help us move it up in the search results.• You can find that at https://podcastica.com/podcast/the-handmaids-tale-podcast • Click “Where to Find Us” for links to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, etc.• If you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a rating or a review.• Thank you!Daphne's Run for Your Lives podcast: runforyourlivespodcast.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This week it seems Serena and the ideals of Gilead seem to be gaining a foothold in Canada. NOOOOOO!!!!!! Does Serena ALWAYS get what she wants…?You can find our contact info and all our other shows at: podcastica.com Daphne, Wendy, and Jason would all appreciate it if you'd subscribe to our standalone Handmaid's Tale podcast and help us move it up in the search results.• You can find that at https://podcastica.com/podcast/the-handmaids-tale-podcast • Click “Where to Find Us” for links to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, etc.• If you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a rating or a review.• Thank you!Daphne's Run for Your Lives podcast: runforyourlivespodcast.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Philadelphia Phillies lose game 4 to the New York Mets by a score of 10-9. WOW What a WHACKY wild one. David Robertson demanded the ball late, Alec Bohm hit 2 home runs, Jean Segura thought he rocked the game winner. What a mess. #Phillies #Mets #MLB SeatGeek Promo Code: BRODES This will save you $20 on your total purchase! CALL OR TEXT THE 24/7 ANY TIME HOTLINE: (856) 442-9805Support the channel: https://www.patreon.com/sportstalkwithbrodesPodcasts: Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sports-talk-with-brodes/id1268899988Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5yKG2JJe3bpoLiCL75d7Lt?si=5WrRXMiPRHKBvGSoTZVMVQGoogle Podcast: https://play.google.com/music/m/I4ilhe3iu5enusddeqzboud3bcu?t=Sports_Talk_With_BrodesGET A SHIRT! : https://www.teespring.com/brodesclothesEmail: Brodes@BrodesMedia.comTwitter & Instagram: @Brodes81 and @BrodesMedia

My daughter has a favourite toy. It's a Squishmallow called Serene. Serene is a round-ish turquoise squirrel. If you're not into soft toys, you may not know how popular Squishmallows are, but to give you an idea... the last time I was in the local toy shop, every one of the four people in the queue to pay had hold of a Squishmallow. But the popularity of Squishmallows isn't the point of this little story. Serene goes everywhere with my daughter and is her best friend - as much as a wannabe toddler can have a best friend. Given how Serene can sometimes be thrown from the buggy with the complete lack of foresight and comprehension of possible events that only a baby has, and the extreme love she has for her, we thought it best to buy a second Serene. "Let's buy a clone of Serene, a new one, just in case," I said to my wife while browsing the toy store and walking past the sizable Squishmallow display. And so it was. This new, untarnished, blemish-free squirrel sits wrapped in a plastic bag on top of the wardrobe in my bedroom. The hope, of course, is that clone Serene, imposter Serene, will never be needed. But if the worst was to happen and OG Serene went to *wink* "stay with Grandma for a while" *wink* or *wink* "went to keep Mummy company at work" *wink*, this currently lifeless squishy toy would be subbed in. She'd look the same ("Serene has had a bath, how lovely!"), but we'd know. Forever, we'd know what we'd done. I'd miss Serene, but I'd never say anything. Occasionally I'd lay awake at night thinking about her, wondering what life she's leading, "living with Grandma." Maybe I'd glance over at a pile of toys, Serene 2.0 staring at me, eyes lifeless but piercing. “Noooooo!” I'd attempt to cry out, but it would be too late. She'd attempt to suck the soul from my body. I'd resist, but she'd be too strong. I'd become trapped inside the lovable squirrel's impossibly soft body. New Serene, inhabiting my body, would glance at me now and again with a look of victory. She'd won. Then one night she'd walk downstairs into the dimly lit living room, calmly and without saying a word placing original Serene down next to me. "You never should have called me a fucking clone," she'd whisper. I can't say a word. Welcome to the VG247 Best Games Ever Podcast, Episode 13: Best game that was called a clone of another game. Please do let us know what you think of the show – and if this is your first time listening, do go back to listen to the previous episodes. If you've got suggestions for topics, we'd love to hear them. If we don't come up with some new ideas soon we'll have to go down the road of topics like, "Best game that James Billcliffe thought was wonderful but every other sentient being on the planet accepted was terrible" (not at all related to this week's podcast!). “What is VG247's Best Games Ever Podcast?” you ask while trying to imagine life inside a soft toy. You can't imagine it. It's a concept ripped straight out of what would be the best episode of The Twilight Zone ever made, such is the quality of the idea. Anyway, this podcast, which is why you're on this page (not to read my pitches for horror fiction), is essentially a 30-minute panel show where people (me and some others on VG247) decide on the best game in a specific category. That's it. It's good. We've got some details on the show's content below (if you want to get a refresher before heading to the comments to make a wonderful, considered post or don't want to listen but do want to know what games we picked), so if you want to avoid spoilers, don't scroll past this warning. W A R N I N G The Best Game that was once called a clone of another game This is the topic of Episode thirteen of VG247's Best Games Ever Podcast. Here's a rundown of who picked what. Tom – Axiom Verge Honestly, this game is so good I'm not sure why the others bothered to argue against it. Axiom Verge is an absolutely brilliant Metroid clone that mixes pin-sharp gameplay with a superb sense of adventure and discovery. Please, please, please give it a look if you've yet to. It's on all current platforms, so there's really no excuse. There's a sequel, too, although I'm yet to be sucked in by it in the same way. Alex – Mortal Kombat For my money, Mortal Kombat is the original video game clone. Everybody described this game as a Street Fighter clone back in the day, even though its core developers maintain to this day that it was primarily inspired by an even older fighting game, with Street Fighter holding little influence over the spine-ripping game that turned arcades upside down in the nineties. One thing was undeniable, however: Midway only greenlit MK due to the success of Street Fighter. The two are inexorably linked, forever. Whatever the truth of inspiration was didn't matter to the press or the public anyway. MK was Street Fighter's brasher, louder, attention-grabbing cousin. Arguably, MK was resolutely American just as Street Fighter was unabashedly Japanese. The two engaged in a war that was as potent and as divisive as Mario vs Sonic. Street Fighter launched the fighting game genre as we know it today, and MK solidified its potential for mass-market success. But even so... people continued to call MK a Street Fighter clone. It's a moniker that will follow it forever - deserved or not. James – Untold Legends: Brotherhood of the Blade When it comes to Diablo clones it's hard to go wrong. All you need is some made-up fantasy words, tons of loot and more spiders and rats than you could fit in the world's largest, spookiest terrarium. The loop of picking up green things, then blue things, then purple things, then orange things as the loot rarity goes up is so insatiably moreish that you're good for at least 80 hours of gameplay regardless of the wrapping. A premium example of this comes in the form of 2005 PSP launch title, Untold Legends: Brotherhood of the Blade - a rock solid Diablo clone with the added bonus of being on an awesome portable console with retro-futuristic discs that still spin inside their plastic cases as you eject them - still hot - from inside the handheld. Come back in a week for another episode of VG247's Best Games Ever Podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Noooooo. Nooooooo. It's not fun. This show's no fun at all. Absolutely revolting. Positively heinous. We're not here to entertain you or make you laugh. Noooooo. Noooooo. Not at all. But I will tell you that we decided to watch the new DC The Sandman show. So maybe we'll talk about that in a bit. Maybe. I mean it's possible that what we talk about is what we'll talk about. So you know. There it is. Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/iamtherealbrian In This Episode We're on YouTube! PLEASE SUBSCRIBE!!

Who was the biggest draw at wrestling Comic Con? John Cena? Sasha Banks? Naomi? Noooooo. It was of course Darragh O'Connor and the folks of the Literally Everything is Wrestling Panel! Relive their talk about wrestling and culture.

Familiaaaa, Hora Miercoles en nuestro sePmento “El Rincon del Drama”…..Noooooo no son los Espectaculos con Said tense quietos omeeeee……bueno como les decia platicamos con el conferensista Jorge Lozano H. sobre como responder a textos de “vatos cucaracha”. Sera usted un “vato cucaracha?” Chan-cha-cha-chaaaaa…… Taen platicamos con el Comediante Teo Gonzalez sobre un infarto que casi lo mata! DOBLE Chan-cha-cha-chaaaaaa….. Y para todos los seguidores y Fanses de la Chika Ferrari el dia de hoy les presentamos “Contenido exclusivo” TRIPLE Chan-cha-cha-chaaaaaa…… Los kero mucho bofones…..que pasen guenas noches.

Start the week of right with Radio Ronin!!!!Chunga, Chandler and Gregg are excited to have everyone's favorite English muffin Chris Tew back on the show!!!!! Although getting him into town was really tough, thanks to the monsoons, which also caused him problems with his pants...wait, what?!?!Hey, Gregg went on a ghost hunt this weekend, and he took his mom!!!While he was busy with that, Chunga, Chandler and Chris went to an amazing museum. It was something far more special than they had anticipated!Last year, Gregg noticed that Reese's Pumpkins we're really hard to find! Chris says this year, they not be available at all!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!Gregg has a double feature movie shout out, AND it's time for a new round of Headline D&D!!! Listen now!!!!!

Start the week of right with Radio Ronin!!!! Chunga, Chandler and Gregg are excited to have everyone's favorite English muffin Chris Tew back on the show!!!!! Although getting him into town was really tough, thanks to the monsoons, which also caused him problems with his pants...wait, what?!?! Hey, Gregg went on a ghost hunt this weekend, and he took his mom!!! While he was busy with that, Chunga, Chandler and Chris went to an amazing museum. It was something far more special than they had anticipated! Last year, Gregg noticed that Reese's Pumpkins we're really hard to find! Chris says this year, they not be available at all!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!! Gregg has a double feature movie shout out, AND it's time for a new round of Headline D&D!!! Listen now!!!!!

Start the week of right with Radio Ronin!!!! Chunga, Chandler and Gregg are excited to have everyone's favorite English muffin Chris Tew back on the show!!!!! Although getting him into town was really tough, thanks to the monsoons, which also caused him problems with his pants...wait, what?!?! Hey, Gregg went on a ghost hunt this weekend, and he took his mom!!! While he was busy with that, Chunga, Chandler and Chris went to an amazing museum. It was something far more special than they had anticipated! Last year, Gregg noticed that Reese's Pumpkins we're really hard to find! Chris says this year, they not be available at all!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!! Gregg has a double feature movie shout out, AND it's time for a new round of Headline D&D!!! Listen now!!!!!

1 2 3 NOOOOOO!! NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! FLOOD ADVISORY UGH WHY??? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bigdcountry/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bigdcountry/support

NOOOOOO PLEASE GOD NOOOOOO EXSSIVE HEAT WARRING!!!!and until 11pm Wednesday?????? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/bigdcountry/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/bigdcountry/support

The Rancid Tacos are dripping swagger and creepiness this week as they channel their inner James Dean with a little trip East...of Eden! Join the fellas as they explore the story of an almost modern day Cain and Abel, with all the filthy twists you've come to expect! Are we finished yet? Noooooo! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/rancidtacos/support

Familiaaaa, Hora Lunes un eskiri-bit de todo...... Fijense nomas, TRAYEMOS Encuesta Piratona, Historia de Don Cheto, Entrevista con Mau Nieto quien nos platica sobre La Academia por Estrella TV, Chino Encuesta y hasta una RISTRAAAA de saludos perros! Noooooo......si ya quedamos......toda la carne al asador. Y, ni se le vaiga occurir pedir porque NO TRAYEMOS MAS!!! buahahahaha Los kero muhco bofones....que descanzen y los esperamos taen mañana Martes eh.

Noooooo....ooooooooone....votes like A-Tourneys, makes great jokes like A-Tourneys!Y'all were crazy (as usual) with this weeks brackets. Tangents include but aren't limited to: Disney sidekicks, Tim Burton movies, and serial killers. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Truly the pinnacle episode of our podcast! This is the one movie that almost everyone believes is better than the original! Today we talk about the mammoth movie that is EPISODE V! Join our 3 month celebration of Star Wars on Patreon with a deep dive on one of the main influences behind the first movie The Hidden Fortress Join our group Facebook

Part 2: MindWe discuss the importance of mental health and our relationships with our minds.You can find us on: Instagram  @whats_up_sexy_  Tik Tok @whatsupsexypodcast

Familiaaaa,Feliz Juevescito de Estreno! Esta mañana platicamos con Lupillo Rivera quien estrena nueva rola entitulada, "La Toxica" pa' que la busque y la escuche en todas las plataformas....creo'ke hasta su nombre va escuchar ahi ome! Bueno, y hablando de nombres, hombres y toxicos - la Seleccion Mexicana obtuvo el gane anoche y como ya es costubre, YOMERO Simpson y Tito Padilla, intentamos resolverles el mundo un dia despues. Usted como los vio a los muchachos? Mandeme su analizis perron por el Insta a @DonChetoalAire y a @TitoPadillaDeportes Y, para las Damas que no siguen el futbol pos Said nos desmenusa entrevista de la Ex-Miss Universo Alicia Machado donde casi casi admite quien es el verdadero Padre de su hija. Noooooo, si ya quedamos, hubo de todo el dia de hoy asi que escuchenos hasta el final pa' que luego usted vaya y les cuente a los de Ventaneando y a los de El Gordo y La Flaca. ajaja Los kero mucho familiaaaa.....verda guena!!!

Familiaaaa, Hora Jueves.....el GRAN regreso de Jueves de Misterio! Otraves, ajajaja. No se lo vaya a perder porque esta mañana les platique sobre "Los Circulos del Infierno" donde despues de un choke un vato asegura que __________!!! Noooooo, si ya quedamos que tuvo juerti, mejor escuchelo completito usted y mosotros pasemos a cosas alegres. Y, quien mas alegre y sangre liviana, que la cantante Angela Aguilar. Que por cieto, precisamente hora en el aniversario luctuoso de Jenni Rivera, con confiesa algo que una vez vio hacer a la Diva y que hasta la fecha no se le ha olvidado. Gracias por escucharnos ebribari......los kero mucho y los espero taen mañana Viernes.....NO KERO FALLAS.

The guys discuss the Russian GP, Lando's hubris, Max kill bill-ing his way through the field, the F1 olympics, and more.