Don't Cut Your Own Bangs

Is it too late to start over? Maybe you're not wondering whether you're capable. Maybe you're wondering whether you've already missed your chance. If you've ever looked at your life and quietly thought... "I should have started sooner." "Maybe I waited too long." "What if I fail?" This conversation is for you. This week I'm joined by entrepreneur, community builder, and founder Martha Hoover—a woman who has reinvented herself again and again without waiting for certainty, permission, or the perfect moment. Together we explore what it really means to commit to something meaningful, navigate change, redefine success, and discover that beginning again isn't a sign you've failed... It may be the bravest thing you ever do. Whether you're considering a career change, wondering if your best work is still ahead of you, or simply trying to trust yourself enough to take the next step, I hope this conversation reminds you that you don't need every answer before you begin. Sometimes you just need to trust that you'll figure it out. In this episode we explore: • Why it's never too late to begin again • The surprising freedom that comes from letting go of perfection • How change becomes less frightening when you stop expecting certainty • Why comparison quietly steals joy—and how to stop measuring your life against someone else's timeline • The power of knowing your non-negotiables • Why creativity—not calm—is often the opposite of anxiety • Martha's unforgettable "stick shift" story that completely changed how I think about commitment. Three Takeaways 1. You don't have to know exactly how to do something before you begin. Sometimes commitment comes first. Confidence catches up later. 2. The goal isn't to avoid failure. The goal is becoming someone who isn't afraid to learn from it. 3. Your life doesn't end after one career. One identity. One dream. Or one chapter. You can always begin again. "If Plan A is meaningful enough, there shouldn't be a Plan B." Reflection Question Where in your life have you been waiting to feel ready... instead of simply allowing yourself to begin?   If this conversation encouraged you today, would you take 30 seconds to help more people find it? Following the show on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, leaving a rating, or writing a quick review tells those platforms this is a conversation worth sharing. It's one of the simplest ways you can support the show, and it helps more high-functioning humans with big feelings discover that they aren't carrying all of this alone. Thank you for being here. Martha Hoover Won't Stop Hospitality https://www.wontstophospitality.com/who-we-are/ A Longer Table https://alongertable.org/ MSH Collective https://mshcollective.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/msh_collective/ Danielle Ireland Website https://danielleireland.com Substack https://danielleireland.substack.com YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

Something feels off—but what if you're wrong about what you're feeling? Self-validation is the practice of naming what is true about your experience without dismissing it, or demanding that you immediately know what to do next. It can quiet anxious spiraling, calm self-doubt, and help your nervous system settle enough to find clarity. In this solo episode, therapist Danielle Ireland explores why we so often question our own feelings, how unanswerable "why" questions intensify anxiety, and why saying "I don't know" can be more grounding than forcing certainty you don't yet have. You don't need to prove that your feelings are reasonable before you acknowledge that they are real. Sometimes the most stabilizing thing you can say is simply: This is hard. This is what I feel. This is what I know right now. In This Episode You'll learn: What self-validation is—and what it is not Why acknowledging your feelings does not mean agreeing with every thought How anxious "why" questions create more uncertainty instead of clarity Why "I don't know" can be an emotionally grounding answer How naming the truth of your experience can calm your nervous system A simple practice for moving from spiraling to greater self-trust Three Practical Takeaways 1. Name the experience before trying to solve it You don't have to know what happens next before you can acknowledge what is happening now. Try: "I feel scared." "This is disappointing." "I don't know what to do yet." A truthful statement with a period can be more regulating than another question your mind cannot answer. 2. Replace unanswerable questions with what you know Instead of repeatedly asking: "Why did this happen?" "Why haven't they called?" "What if I made the wrong choice?" Pause and ask: What do I know right now? You may know that you made the best decision you could. You may know you are breathing. You may only know that you do not know yet. That is still somewhere solid to begin. 3. Let your experience be real without making it anyone else's responsibility Validation means recognizing that your feelings make sense within your experience. It does not mean someone else must agree with you. It does not mean you know the entire truth of the situation. And it does not mean your feelings get to make every decision. It means your experience belongs in the conversation too. The Clip Moment "The truth, no matter how hard, is the right kind of hard—and arguably more certain and more settling than any beautifully told half-truth." The Heart of This Conversation The hardest part is not always the feeling itself. Sometimes it's the fear that you are not allowed to trust it. Self-validation helps you stop fighting for permission to have your own experience. It gives you a place to stand before you know what to do next. Pull-Over-the-Car Insight Your body responds to truth. You may still have work to do after admitting what is real. But clarity often begins the moment you stop negotiating with your own experience. Reflection Question What is true about this for you—even if you do not yet know what to do with that truth? Take a breath before answering. And if the answer is: "I don't know." Try following it with: "What do I know?" A Gentle Next Step If this episode helped you put language to something you have quietly been carrying, share it with someone who may need permission to believe their own experience too. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen so you never miss a new conversation. And if the show has helped you feel more understood, leaving a rating or review is one of the most generous ways you can help another high-functioning human with big feelings find their way here. Listen, Connect, and Explore Website: https://danielleireland.com/ Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 Before you go. If this conversation helped you feel a little clearer or a little less alone, follow Don't Cut Your Own Bangs wherever you listen. It makes sure you never miss an episode, and it helps more high-functioning humans with big feelings find these conversations too.

What happens when the life you planned disappears—and something even more meaningful begins. What if the hardest thing you've ever lived through wasn't the end of your story—but the beginning of becoming someone you never would have met otherwise? There are moments in life that divide everything into before and after. Sometimes it's a diagnosis. Sometimes it's grief. Sometimes it's becoming a parent, losing a relationship, changing careers, or waking up one morning and realizing the life you imagined isn't the life you're living. The details are different. The question is the same: Who am I now? If you've ever found yourself wondering whether you'll ever feel like yourself again, I think this conversation is for you. This week on Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I'm revisiting one of my favorite conversations with magician, speaker, TEDx presenter, and storyteller John Kippen. John walked into the hospital expecting answers. Instead, he received a diagnosis that would change every part of his life. He had no way of knowing that saying yes to a life-saving surgery would also mean saying goodbye to the face he'd always known, the future he'd imagined, and the version of himself he thought he'd always be. He thought he was fighting to save his life. He didn't know he was about to discover it. What followed wasn't simply a story of survival. It became a story of grief, healing, identity, connection, and discovering that the most meaningful parts of ourselves sometimes emerge only after life asks us to let go of the plans we thought we needed. In many ways, the greatest magic trick John has ever performed wasn't on a stage. It was learning to love the person he became after everything changed—and sharing that hope with others. In this episode, we explore: • Why major life changes often leave us asking, "Who am I now?" • How grief and possibility can exist in the same season. • Why curiosity can become one of the kindest ways to meet change. • What it means to stop chasing the life you imagined and begin discovering the one that's unfolding. • How self-acceptance becomes possible, even after life changes in ways you never would have chosen. One sentence from this conversation has stayed with me ever since: Sometimes the greatest magic isn't becoming who you used to be. It's discovering there's still so much of you left to meet. I have a feeling I'll carry that one for a long time. Maybe you will too. Reflection Where in your life are you still measuring yourself against a version of the future that no longer exists? What might become possible if you allowed yourself to get curious about the person you're still becoming? The Heart of This Conversation Sometimes surviving isn't about finding your way back to who you used to be. It's about discovering there's still so much of you left to meet. If this conversation resonates... My hope is that every conversation leaves you feeling a little more understood, a little less alone, and a little more curious about yourself. If this episode brings someone to mind, I'd be honored if you'd share it with them. Sometimes the right conversation arrives at exactly the right time. If you're enjoying the podcast, subscribing and leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify is one of the best ways to help more high-functioning humans with big feelings discover these conversations. Connect with John Kippen Website: https://www.johnkippen.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/johnkippen/ Connect with Danielle Website: https://danielleireland.com Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

"If what I want is for someone else to respect my time, then maybe I'm the one who needs to respect my time first." Oof. That realization hit me right between the eyes. Have you ever noticed how quickly frustration turns into a story about someone else? The person who cancelled. The coworker who dropped the ball. The partner who isn't helping. The kids who need one more thing. And sometimes that's true. But sometimes the thing you're frustrated with isn't actually the problem. "Your frustration isn't the problem. It's the clue." Sometimes frustration is the moment your needs, boundaries, exhaustion, or truth have been trying to get your attention for a while—and you've been too busy carrying everything else to hear them. In this solo episode, I'm unpacking two frustrating experiences from my own life and walking you through the exact process I use to understand what frustration might actually be trying to tell me. Because emotions aren't the problem. They're information. And frustration is one of the most revealing emotions we have. Together we'll explore why frustration almost never stands alone, how it can point us toward unmet needs and hidden truths, and a simple framework you can use to move from irritation to clarity. In This Episode • Why frustration is always trying to tell you something • The surprising difference between being frustrated with someone else and being frustrated with yourself • How irritation can reveal needs you've been overlooking • Why emotions work like an internal compass • A simple reflection process you can use anytime frustration shows up • The powerful shift that happens when you stop asking "Why am I so frustrated?" and start asking "What is this trying to teach me?" Three Takeaways Your frustration isn't the problem. It's the clue. Frustration often points toward something important that needs your attention. Sometimes frustration is what happens when you've abandoned yourself. Not intentionally. Not dramatically. Just quietly, one small compromise at a time. Emotional clarity begins with curiosity. The goal isn't to get rid of the feeling. It's to understand what it's trying to show you.   Reflection Question What would your frustration say if it trusted you enough to tell you the truth? Before you go... If this episode felt like a conversation you needed today, would you share it with someone who might need it too? Follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and help more high-functioning humans with big feelings find a little more clarity, connection, and calm without having to earn it.   Links & Resources Website: https://danielleireland.com Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

Have you ever looked at your life and thought: "This isn't what I pictured." Not necessarily bad. Not necessarily wrong. Just... different. A different career. A different timeline. A different version of yourself than the one you imagined years ago. And somewhere underneath all of that, a quiet question: What if I missed my chance? This week's conversation has stayed with me long after we stopped recording. My guest, Eli Martinez, spends his days leading wildlife safaris around the world, photographing sharks, whales, crocodiles, anacondas, and some of the most breathtaking places on earth. But what struck me most wasn't the wildlife. It was a story about a fractured hip, a dream that didn't work out, and the surprising realization that not becoming a professional bull rider ended up giving him a life he never could have planned for. The more we talked, the more I realized this episode isn't really about sharks. It's about grief. It's about letting go of the future you thought you'd have. It's about curiosity. And it's about what becomes possible when you follow curiosity faster than disappointment. In this conversation, we explore the healing power of nature, why understanding creates connection, what happens when life takes an unexpected turn, and how some of the greatest gifts in our lives arrive disguised as detours. 3 Things You'll Take Away From This Episode • Sometimes the thing you're grieving is making room for something you couldn't have imagined yet. • "Something's wrong" is often where emotional awareness begins—not where failure begins. • You don't always need a new plan. Sometimes you only need enough curiosity to take the next step. Clip Moment "Not becoming a professional bull rider was the best thing that never happened to me." Shareable Quote "Sometimes 'something's wrong' is where emotional awareness begins." Pull-Over-The-Car Insight The thing that broke your plan might be the thing that gives you your life. Reflection Question What dream, timeline, or version of your future are you still grieving—and what might become possible if you loosened your grip on it just a little? If This Episode Resonated If this felt like a conversation you needed today, share it with someone who might need it too. Follow the show wherever you listen so you don't miss next week's episode, and if you've been enjoying the podcast, leaving a rating or review helps more people find these conversations. Connect with Eli Martinez Website: https://sdmdiving.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sdmdiving Connect with Danielle Website: https://danielleireland.com Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

Why can't this feel easier? Maybe you've been carrying that question around for a while. Maybe you're doing all the things. Showing up. Working hard. Taking care of people. Following through. Keeping promises. Building the life you wanted. And somehow you're still exhausted. Not because you're doing it wrong. But because somewhere along the way, you started believing everything had to be hard to count. In this conversation, I'm revisiting one of my favorite interviews with cake artist, educator, and creator Asia Coffee. What starts as a conversation about creativity, business, and baking turns into something much bigger: a conversation about permission. Permission to stop proving. Permission to let things be good enough. Permission to choose ease when ease is available. Asia shares her journey from posting imperfect YouTube videos to growing a community of more than 100,000 subscribers, competing on Food Network, navigating imposter syndrome, and learning one of the most powerful lessons I've heard on this podcast: "I can do hard things. And how hard do I want to make things for myself?" If you're a high-functioning human with big feelings who is carrying a lot right now, this episode might feel like a deep exhale. Three Takeaways: • Consistency often matters more than perfection. • Just because you can do hard things doesn't mean everything has to be hard. • Sometimes growth looks less like pushing harder and more like offering yourself grace.   "I don't think we're always exhausted from doing too much. Sometimes we're exhausted from believing everything has to be difficult to be worthwhile."   Reflection Question: Where in your life have you been proving you can do hard things when what you really want is a little more ease?   If this felt like a conversation you needed today, send it to someone who's carrying a lot right now. Share it with a friend, a coworker, a sister, or someone who keeps trying to earn rest instead of receive it. And if you haven't already, follow the podcast so you don't miss next week's episode.   Connect with Asia Coffee Website: https://www.cakesbycoffee.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrs.coffeescakes/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/AsiaCoffee Connect with Danielle Website: https://danielleireland.com Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922  

There are a handful of conversations that have stayed with me long after the microphone turned off. This is one of them. In fact, this may be the episode that changed how I think about effort, desire, and building a life that actually feels good to live. Because if you've ever found yourself wondering: "Why does everything feel harder than it should?" I think this conversation is going to feel like a deep exhale, and exactly why I chose to release it a secind time. It's that good. My guest today is coach, author, and speaker LaShell Wooten, and together we explore what happens when we stop treating ourselves like projects that need fixing and start listening to ourselves differently. We talk about emotional intelligence as an internal GPS, why so many high-achieving people get trapped in "efforting," and how freedom often starts by getting honest about what you actually want. If you're functioning externally while quietly feeling overwhelmed internally, this episode might offer a different way forward. Three Takeaways • Sometimes staying busy feels safer than looking at what's driving it. • The goal isn't becoming a better version of yourself. It's becoming more aligned with who you already are. • Emotional intelligence isn't about controlling your feelings. It's about listening to what they're trying to tell you.   Quote For You "I don't think most people are tired from doing too much. I think they're tired from being disconnected from themselves for too long." Reflection Question Where in your life are you currently forcing something that might be asking for a different kind of attention? CTA If this conversation felt like something you needed today, send it to someone who's been carrying a lot lately. And if you haven't already, follow the show so you don't miss future episodes. Every week we're helping high-functioning humans with big feelings feel a little calmer, a little clearer, and a little less alone.   Connect with LaShell Wooten Website: https://www.liinks.co/lashell.wooten Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lashellwooten   Connect with Danielle Website: https://danielleireland.com Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922  

Have you ever noticed how quickly you reach for noise the second things get quiet? Another project. Another scroll. Another task. Another thing to organize, clean, fix, or plan. Not because you actually want to. But because sitting still feels strangely uncomfortable. In this episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I'm exploring something I think many of us quietly struggle with: the fear beneath the busyness. Because sometimes staying busy feels safer than looking at what's driving it. As a therapist, I've noticed that the people who seem the most capable on the outside are often carrying the heaviest emotional load on the inside. They're functioning externally and exhaling privately. They're exhausted, but they can't seem to stop moving. They're desperate for rest, but the moment things get quiet, they reach for more noise. If that's you, I want you to know this episode isn't about becoming more productive or finding a better routine. It's about understanding what your exhaustion might be trying to tell you. Because I don't think most people are tired from doing too much. I think they're tired from being disconnected from themselves for too long. In This Episode We Explore: • Why your brain won't shut off even when you're exhausted • How busyness can become a way of avoiding difficult emotions • The hidden fear underneath productivity, perfectionism, and constant striving A Few Things I Hope You Take With You: • Rest isn't always hard because you're busy. Sometimes it's hard because quiet creates space to feel. • Exhaustion can be a signal, not just a problem to solve. • You are not failing. Your nervous system may simply be responding to more than you've acknowledged.   "Sometimes staying busy feels safer than looking at what's driving it."   A Quote To Keep "I don't think most people are tired from doing too much. I think they're tired from being disconnected from themselves for too long." Key Insight The goal isn't to stop thinking. The goal is to become curious about what your mind is working so hard to keep you from feeling. Reflection Question If your busyness suddenly disappeared for a day, what feeling might finally have room to catch up with you? Before you go If this felt like a conversation you needed today, would you share it with someone who might need it too? And if you haven't already, follow the show so you don't miss next week's episode. Every week we're making big feelings feel a little less scary and a little easier to understand. I'm so glad you're here. My Links Website: https://danielleireland.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

You know that feeling where you're technically functioning… but internally it feels like your nervous system is running on fumes? You're answering emails. Making dinner. Showing up. Smiling. Handling responsibilities. Maybe even achieving things you once prayed for. And somehow, underneath all of it, there's this quiet fear: "What if I'm not actually capable of holding the life I worked so hard to build?" In this episode, I'm starting a brand new 3-part series called You Were Never Meant to Live Like a Machine. We're talking about burnout—but not just the productivity version of burnout. We're talking about the emotional layer underneath it: The fear that struggling means failing. The shame that shows up when the thing exhausting you is also something you deeply wanted. And why so many high-functioning people quietly override themselves in order to keep everything moving. I also share some very personal reflections about stepping back into public speaking, navigating motherhood, marriage, ambition, and the uncomfortable reality of reaching for a new version of your life while feeling terrified you won't be able to sustain it. If you've been telling yourself: "I just need to get through this week…" this episode is for you. 3 things we explore together in this episode: • Why burnout often starts long before exhaustion • How fear of disappointing others quietly fuels over-functioning • Why honesty—not rest—is often the first step toward burnout recovery The thing exhausting you may not actually be the workload—it may be the fear of what slowing down could mean about you. What part of your exhaustion have you been afraid to acknowledge because of what it might say about you? If this episode felt like a conversation you needed, send it to someone else carrying too much quietly. And if you haven't already, make sure you're following the show and leave a rating or review—it genuinely helps more people find these conversations.   Mentioned in this episode: The Treasure Journal https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus The Bangs Club https://danielleireland.substack.com My Links: Website https://danielleireland.com/ YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs Listen on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Listen on Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

There's a version of boundaries we don't talk about enough. Not the empowering kind. Not the "protect your peace" Instagram quote kind. I mean the kind that once genuinely protected you… but now might quietly be keeping you disconnected, guarded, lonely, or stuck. The boundary that made perfect sense after heartbreak. The emotional distance that helped you survive chaos. The "I'm fine on my own" identity that once felt safe. And now? It might fit a little like an old jacket hanging in the closet—familiar, broken in, but not quite meant for the version of you you're becoming. In this conversation with Teresa Sabatine of Love Lizzy, we talk about the complicated space between self-protection and self-abandonment, the grief of outgrowing old identities, and how sometimes the things that once kept us safe can slowly start keeping us small. This conversation is warm, honest, deeply reflective, and full of those "oh… I've never thought about it like that before" moments. A few things we explore in this episode: • Why some boundaries start as protection but slowly become fear dressed up as safety • How grief shows up when you begin changing old relationship patterns • The difference between honoring yourself and emotionally hiding "Not every protective strategy is meant to become a permanent personality trait." One thing I hope you sit with after this episode: What if the thing you call a boundary is actually an old form of protection that doesn't quite fit anymore? If this episode felt like a conversation you needed, send it to someone who might need it too. And if you haven't already, make sure you're following Don't Cut Your Own Bangs so you don't miss next week's episode. And if you've been listening for a while, rating and reviewing the show genuinely helps more people find these conversations. Reflection question: What's one form of protection in your life that once helped you survive… but might not fit who you're becoming anymore? If this felt like a conversation you needed, share it with someone who needs it too, and follow so you don't miss next week. Guest Links: Love Lizzy Website: https://lovelizzy.co/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovelizzyco Mentioned in Episode: The Treasure Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling A Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus My Links: Website: https://danielleireland.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs Listen to the Podcast: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

Have you ever felt like you're somehow too much and not enough at the exact same time? Too emotional. Too needy. Too sensitive. And also not smart enough, interesting enough, lovable enough, together enough. In this episode, I'm talking about why those two thoughts are not actually opposites. They're often two sides of the same wound: shame. The belief that if people really saw you, they might not choose you. And oof. That one lands. This episode is about the tug-of-war between performing, disappearing, overexplaining, people-pleasing, and quietly abandoning yourself in the process. We'll talk about how to recognize where you're leaving yourself behind, how to start listening to what you actually need, and why your emotions may be the closest thing you have to an invisible care card. Because you are not too much. You are someone with needs that may not have been fully honored yet. Three things I want you to take with you: – "Too much" and "not enough" are often shame wearing two different outfits – When you don't know what you feel, it becomes harder to know what you want – Your emotions are not proof that you're a problem—they're information about what you need   RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO "DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS" Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    JOIN THE BANGS CLUB If you've ever finished an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs and thought, "okay… but how do I actually do this in real life?"—The Bangs Club is for you. It's the cozy corner of the internet where we take the conversations from the podcast a little deeper through therapist-informed journal prompts, voice note meditations, emotional reframes, and gentle tools to help you understand what you're feeling and know what to do next. Think of it like the after-party version of the podcast for smart, self-aware, overwhelmed humans with big feelings. Or more specifically: the place you come before dramatically changing your entire life or cutting your own bangs. Come hang out with us here: https://danielleireland.substack.com   Thank you for your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Website - https://danielleireland.com/ The Treasured Journal - https://danielleireland.com/journal Substack - https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Blog - https://danielleireland.com/blog/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW Podcast on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured      

You wake up early. You try to get it right. The routine, the habits, the intention setting. And somehow… your brain still won't shut off. You're exhausted, but your mind keeps running. You're doing everything you're supposed to do—and still feeling like you're falling behind. If that's you, this episode is going to land. In this solo episode, I'm breaking down why your brain won't slow down—even when your body is tired—and what's actually happening underneath that constant mental noise. Because this isn't about discipline. And it's not about needing a better routine. It's about the quiet pressure to feel okay… by doing everything right. And how that keeps you stuck in a loop of trying harder instead of actually feeling better. We'll talk about the difference between performance and connection, why your current routine might not match your current life, and how to shift into something that actually supports you instead of draining you. What you'll take away from this episode: Why your brain won't shut off—even when you're physically exhausted The hidden belief driving your need to "get it right" A simple, grounded way to start your day without adding more pressure If this resonates, follow the show so you don't miss what's next, and if you've ever thought "why does this feel harder for me?"—you are exactly who this space is for. And if someone came to mind while you were listening, send this to them. You never know who needs it. Mentioned in Episode: The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus My Links: Website: https://danielleireland.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Podcast: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

Anger isn't always the problem. Sometimes it's the signal. The tight chest, clenched jaw, looping thoughts, and sudden heat in your body aren't proof that you're overreacting. They're your system's way of saying, something here matters. Something crossed a line. Something needs your attention. In this solo episode, Danielle unpacks anger through a therapist-informed lens that feels grounding instead of shaming. She explores the difference between anger that protects you and anger that disconnects you, why anger often shows up after you've minimized your own discomfort for too long, and how to start listening to it without letting it run the show. If you've ever found yourself replaying a conversation in the car, talking yourself out of your own reaction, or wondering why something "small" made you this angry, this episode is for you. This is a conversation about emotional regulation, self-trust, boundaries, and learning how to hear what anger is trying to say before it has to scream. Three takeaways from this episode: Anger is often information, not failure. It can be your system's attempt to help you get your power back. Not all anger is the same. Some anger protects your dignity, and some anger gets tangled up in ego, control, or disconnection. The goal isn't to suppress anger or explode with it. The goal is to interpret it, listen to it, and respond from a clearer place. If this episode resonates, follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who's ever said, "I'm not mad, I'm just frustrated." Want more support in the in-between moments? Join The Bangs Club   Mentioned in episode: The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com Stay Connected: Website: https://danielleireland.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Children's Book: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

You're exhausted… but your brain won't shut off. You finally get a moment to sit down, maybe even lay your head on the pillow, and instead of slowing down—your mind speeds up. Replaying conversations. Running through everything you didn't finish. Trying to solve problems that don't actually need solving at 10:47pm. And suddenly, you're wide awake inside your own head. If that's you, this isn't about discipline. And it's not because you're doing something wrong. In this episode, I'm walking you through why your brain feels so full—especially when you've been "holding it together" all day—and how journaling can become a place where your thoughts finally have somewhere to go. Not perfectly. Not performatively. Just honestly. Because sometimes what looks like overthinking… is actually unprocessed emotional weight. And your brain is just trying to carry it the only way it knows how. ✨ 3 Key Takeaways: • Your brain doesn't shut off because it's still holding onto everything you didn't have space to process • Journaling helps regulate your nervous system by slowing your thoughts down enough to understand them • You don't need a perfect routine—you need a place to come back to yourself If this episode resonated, follow the show so you don't miss what's coming next, leave a rating or review, and send this to someone whose brain won't slow down at night. Because sometimes the goal isn't to fix your thoughts— it's to finally let them land.

Have you ever known exactly what you wanted to say… and then didn't say it? You replay it later. You feel it in your body. You tell yourself, "I don't know… maybe it's not that big of a deal." But deep down—you do know. In this episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, therapist Danielle Ireland explores what's really underneath "I don't know"—and why difficult conversations often have less to do with clarity… and more to do with trust. Because most of the time, you're not actually confused. You're navigating the moment right before truth becomes real— and once you know, you can't unknow. This is a gentle, honest conversation about emotional overwhelm, self-trust, and what it takes to say the thing that's been sitting heavy on your heart. If you've been holding something in, avoiding a conversation, or questioning your own instincts… this episode will meet you right there. "I don't know" isn't always confusion—it's often protection Sometimes what sounds like uncertainty is actually your nervous system buying time before you're ready to face the truth. Clarity isn't the hard part—what comes after is Once you let yourself fully know something, it creates momentum. And that's often the part we're avoiding. Confidence comes from trusting what you already know You don't need the perfect script or therapist-approved language. You need enough self-trust to stay with your truth long enough to hear it. If this episode resonates, send it to someone who might be holding something in too. And if you're navigating big feelings in a very full life— you're exactly who this space is for. Make sure you're following the podcast, and if you haven't yet, take a moment to rate and review—it helps more people find these conversations. Because you don't need a perfect answer. You just need a better question.  

There are moments in life where something feels impossible… until you see someone else do it differently. Not perfectly. Not easily. But together. And suddenly, something shifts. In this conversation with Brent and Kyle Pease, what looks like a story about endurance racing becomes something much deeper—about trust, brotherhood, and what happens when you refuse to accept a version of the world that leaves people out. Because yes, they've completed some of the most physically demanding races in the world—but that's not the point. The point is what becomes possible when you stop trying to eliminate the hard… and start learning how to move through it with someone beside you. This episode is about habits, motivation, confidence, and self-worth—but not in the way you might expect. It's about how we build those things in real time, inside the messy, uncomfortable, very messy moments we usually try to avoid. What you'll take with you from this episode: The first step is often the hardest—not because it's physically difficult, but because it requires you to willingly step into discomfort You don't need to eliminate struggle to build confidence—you need to learn how to stay with yourself inside it Support doesn't mean someone takes the weight away—it means you don't have to carry it alone If you've been feeling stretched, overwhelmed, or standing at the edge of something that feels just a little out of reach… this conversation is going to meet you right there. If this episode resonates: Follow the show so you don't miss what's next Leave a rating or review—it helps more people find this space Send this to someone who's doing something hard right now

Have you ever left a hair appointment thinking… "Wait, do I like this?" Same stylist. Same haircut. Same color. But somehow… a completely different feeling. In this solo episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I'm unpacking why a "good hair day" has very little to do with your hair—and everything to do with your expectations, your nervous system, and the invisible stories running in the background of your mind. Because sometimes it's not the haircut. It's the pressure we didn't realize we were carrying into the chair. What This Episode Is Really About This episode is a gentle, honest look at the expectation gap—the space between what we hope something will make us feel and what it actually delivers. From salon chairs… to online shopping… to a very real Disney cruise moment that didn't feel quite as magical as expected—this conversation explores how we attach meaning to experiences and why that shapes how we feel about them. It's not always the experience—it's the expectation When we attach big emotional hopes to something (a haircut, a trip, a purchase), our brain is waiting for transformation. If it's just "good," it can feel like a letdown. You're not chasing the thing—you're chasing the feeling It's rarely about the hair, the sweater, or even the vacation. It's about wanting to feel confident, grounded, radiant, or like yourself again. Your nervous system is the filter Same outcome, different internal state = completely different experience. Calm, rested, present → "I love this" Overstimulated, stressed, self-critical → "Something feels off" "I don't like this yet" might just mean "this is new" Your brain has a mental snapshot of you. When something changes—even in a good way—it takes time to catch up. Confidence isn't created in the mirror The moments you feel most like yourself usually have less to do with how you look—and more to do with how safe, supported, and regulated you feel. Mentioned in This Episode If this conversation resonated and you're wanting a deeper way to connect with yourself: The Treasured Journal A guided journal designed to help you process your thoughts, slow down, and hear yourself more clearly https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: For Little People with Big Feelings A children's book (that adults love too) about understanding and sitting with big emotions https://danielleireland.com Listener Invitation If you've ever sat in your car after an appointment thinking, "Be honest… do I like this?" Send this episode to that friend you text in those moments. And if you're someone navigating big feelings inside a very full life— you're exactly who this space is for. Follow the show so you don't miss what's next.

What if the thing you need most right now isn't more information, more productivity, or a better system — but community? In this episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I sit down with Sarah Harker, Chief Growth Officer of The City Moms, for a conversation about motherhood, mental load, burnout, risk-taking, friendship, and the kind of support that makes life feel a little lighter. Sarah's story begins in a place I think a lot of women will recognize: a season where life isn't exactly wrong, but it also doesn't feel quite right anymore. Before helping grow a national community for moms, Sarah spent 10 years working as a cardiac nurse and hospital administrator. Over time, she realized she was becoming just as invested in the well-being of the people she worked alongside as she was in the patients she cared for. That curiosity led her toward entrepreneurship, leadership coaching, and eventually to a dinner party where she met City Moms founder Janine Bobmeyer over a shared Anthropologie dress and an honest conversation about isolation. What followed was the beginning of a friendship, a business partnership, and a bigger vision for helping moms feel more connected, supported, and less alone. This conversation is honest, funny, and practical. It also has a very real-life-mom-energy feel in video form — including an interruption from Sarah's son's school and a quick pivot before another broadcast interview. In other words: it's polished and delightfully real. Be sure to follow along on YouTube too. In this episode, we talk about: Burnout, motherhood, and the mental load women carry Sarah's path from cardiac nursing to entrepreneurship The origin story of her partnership with The City Moms Why community matters more than perfection How growth gets easier when you stop trying to do it all alone A few standout lines from this episode: "Anytime I think someone is too busy, it's like God's laughing." "Motherhood wasn't meant to be done alone." "I just have to work a little harder — I think that's such a lie, especially for women and moms." "There's plenty of room for everybody." "What's draining you? What can be delegated?" Why this conversation matters What I love about Sarah — and about The City Moms — is that the mission doesn't feel performative. It feels practical, generous, and deeply rooted in real life. This isn't about being the perfect mom, doing more, or finding the one magical system that fixes everything. It's about making life more supported and more connected. And honestly? I think we need a lot more of that. Connect with The City Moms The City Moms: https://thecitymoms.org/ Mentioned in the Episode Fair Play Card Deck / Fair Play system: https://www.fairplaylife.com/ Who Not How: https://whonothow.com/ The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Connect with Danielle Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq?si=JyAzazfISPWyg6I11hAylg Watch and follow on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Website: https://danielleireland.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com Rate, Review, Subscribe + Share If this episode resonated with you, please take a minute to rate, review, and subscribe to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. It helps more people find the show, and it really does make a difference. And if you know a mom, entrepreneur, helper, or high-functioning friend who needs this message right now, share this episode with them. This one is especially fun in video form too, so make sure you're following along on YouTube.

What was supposed to be a 30-minute indroductory wedding dance lesson turned into something completely different. Picture this: A ballroom dance studio. Michael Bublé playing on a loop. A bride to be in white satin heels trying to learn the foxtrot — whlie slowly losing confidence with every step. The steps weren't the real problem. What was happening underneath the choreography was something deeper: emotion, vulnerability, and the desire to feel like she truly belonged on her wedding day. That moment — and several others like it — sparked a question that would eventually change the entire trajectory of my life. In this shorter solocast episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I share the one of the stories that lead me from working as a ballroom dance instructor to becoming a therapist, and the simple questions I return to when life feels overwhelming or unclear. This episode also marks a new storytelling format I'm experimenting with on the show — similar in many ways to my other solo episodes but more story driven with some reflections, and practical mental health tools alongside my guest interviews.  Seven Questions I Use When I Feel Overwhelmed Over the years, I've learned that clarity often starts with a better question. These are seven simple check-in questions I return to when I feel stuck, overwhelmed, or emotionally foggy. Where can I be more honest right now? What am I avoiding? Where am I holding tension? If I were more gentle here, what could change? HALT: Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Who am I jealous of right now — and what might that be telling me about something I want to create? Sweet or savory? Sometimes clarity begins with a very small decision. A Few Lines From This Episode "Emotions aren't problems. They're information." "The moments that change our lives often start with a better question." "You don't always need the answer — sometimes you just need the next right step." Key Takeaways • Emotional awareness begins with curiosity, not criticism • A better question can unlock clarity when you feel stuck • Emotions are signals that guide us, not obstacles to eliminate • You don't have to solve everything — sometimes the goal is simply the next right step Resources Mentioned Treasured: A Guided Journal https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus: For Little People with Big Feelings https://danielleireland.com YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs If This Episode Resonated With You Please rate, review, and subscribe to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. Reviews help more people discover the show, and if someone in your life might need this message today, share this episode with them. Your time and attention mean the world to me. Until next time, Take good care of yourself. And remember… Don't cut your own bangs.

What if the problem isn't that you're broken… but that you've been handed a measuring stick that was never made for you in the first place? In this episode, I sit down with my dear friend Ashlyn Thompson for a deeply honest conversation about the pressure to keep fixing yourself, the myth of "normal," and how easy it is to confuse self-growth with self-rejection. Ashlyn opens up about life as a medical mom with ADHD and the layered complexity of trying to function in a world that constantly suggests there's a better, more optimized, more "together" version of you just waiting on the other side of the right routine, system, planner, diagnosis, or breakthrough. Together, we explore what happens when the pursuit of becoming "better" starts to feel exhausting instead of supportive. We talk about the difference between self-renovation and self-reclamation, why "normal" is often a flawed and painful benchmark, and how to start listening for what actually fits you instead of forcing yourself into what looks right from the outside. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like a project. Anyone who has ever thought, Why does this feel so hard for me? Anyone who is tired of chasing the version of themselves they think they're supposed to become. There's a lot of truth in this one. And also a lot of relief. In this episode, we talk about: The myth of normal and why "average" is not the same thing as healthy The pressure to constantly improve, optimize, and reinvent yourself How self-help can quietly become another form of self-criticism The difference between seeking growth from love versus from shame Why "within range" doesn't always mean well The emotional toll of feeling like you don't fit the world around you How to notice what actually feels good, safe, warm, and true for you Why creativity, play, and small moments of delight matter more than we think The difference between problem-solving and solution-seeking A gentler way to ask: What would make this feel a little easier? Resources Mentioned Ashlyn Thompson's podcast — Empowered by Hope https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/empowered-by-hope/id1658629344 Parent Empowerment Network https://parentempowermentnetwork.org/ Good follow-up listens from Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Bridge to Believed: A Mindful Rant and Release (https://youtu.be/uzXuD-xvyyc)  A solo episode on what to do when everything feels like too much, how to stop fighting your feelings, and how to come back to yourself in real time. Pain as a Professor (https://youtu.be/QrZg4lKwxSg)  A previous conversation with Ashlyn about pain, perspective, and how hard things can shape us without defining us.   Help the show grow If this episode resonated with you, it would mean the world if you: Follow or subscribe to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Share this episode with a friend who might need this message today Word of mouth is how this community grows, and I'm so grateful you're here.

Today's solo episode is coming straight from my real life and into our cozy little corner of the internet. You know those days where everything hits at once… and you're like, "Cool cool cool, love this for me"… except you still have to show up, be a person, and function? That was me. And instead of offering you a perfectly polished "stress management in theory" conversation, I'm sharing what I actually do when the shit hits the fan: a visualization I call the Bridge Meditation, some very therapeutic rage journaling, and the moment that helped me loosen my grip on the deeper fear underneath it all—this old story that gets loud when life piles on: "I'm not believed." This episode is honest, meant to feel like a deep breath and to help us explore the question - What do you actually do when everything feels like too much—and you still have to be a person in the world? IN THIS EPISODE: What I do when everything feels like too much (and I can't just "take a break") Why toxic positivity makes me want to throw my phone into the sea The difference between capital-T Truth vs. lowercase-t truth (moment-truth) My Bridge Meditation (basket + river stones + letting water do the work) Why emotions don't last forever… unless my thoughts keep reloading them How I use rage journaling as healthy anger (not aggression) The root pattern I spotted underneath my spiral: "If I'm not believed, I'm not safe." A small practice that's simple but weirdly powerful: looking in the mirror and saying, "I believe you." How doing this work first changed a conversation I had later RESOURCES I MENTION: The Treasured Journal (A Journal for Unearthing You) https://danielleireland.com/journal  Wrestling a Walrus (For Little People with Big Feelings) https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus  My Bridge Meditation (I describe it in this episode — and I'm planning to record a standalone version soon) CONNECT WITH ME (Danielle): YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Website: https://danielleireland.com The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod Listen on Apple Podcasts:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 Listen on Spotify:  https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq?si=JyAzazfISPWyg6I11hAylg Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com SUPPORT THE SHOW: If this episode felt like a nervous system hug, you can help the show grow by: Subscribing / following Leaving a rating + review Sharing it with a friend who's also holding a lot Sending me a note: danielle@danielleireland.com ABOUT THE SHOW: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs is a cozy corner of the internet for high-functioning humans with big feelings — the capable ones who get things done but quietly wonder if something's missing. If you're the unicorn in a power suit (or a perfectly neutral sweater), building a life that looks "right" on paper but still craving something freer and more alive — you're in the right place. I'm Danielle Ireland — therapist, author, and your guide for turning emotions into allies instead of obstacles. This space is for comfort, community, clarity — and a few laughs along the way. Because you deserve calm without having to earn it.

Life keeps lifeing—and sometimes you need a reminder that pauses don't mean you're failing, and hard seasons don't get to decide your worth. This week I'm sharing one of my favorite conversations with Ashlyn Thompson, co-founder of Parent Empowerment Network. Ashlyn is one of those rare humans who can hold heavy things without making them heavier—and somehow still make you laugh, breathe deeper, and feel less alone. We talk about: Why asking "why me?" keeps you stuck (and what to ask instead) The expansion and contraction of life—and why rest isn't something you have to earn Why the opposite of anxiety isn't calm... it's creativity How to stop shrinking your world when life feels overwhelming The difference between being victimized and victim mentality Why your emotions deserve space before your logic gets a turn If you're in a season where you're just trying to keep your head above water, this one's for you. And if you needed permission to breathe, consider it granted. Resources mentioned: The Treasured Journal: Treasured: Self Discovery Journal for Women - Guided Journal Mental Health Wrestling a Walrus (Children's Book): Wrestling a Walrus | Emotional Regulation Book for Big Feelings Parent Empowerment Network: https://parentempowermentnetwork.org/ Ashlyn's Original Interview: Pain Is a Professor Coming soon: Ashlyn and I are doing a pod swap! If you have a question you want us to answer together—about navigating hard seasons, building hope, parenting through the messy middle, burnout, or big feelings—email me at danielle@danielleireland.com. - subject line BANGS KEY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE "Pain is not personal. Your story is personal, but pain is not personal." "Doubt doesn't mean you're done. Taking a pause doesn't mean you're stopping forever. You can't just exhale forever—you eventually have to breathe in." "The opposite of anxiety is not calm. It's creativity." "If you ask yourself 'why does this feel painful?'—consider pain as a potential teacher, as a professor, rather than pain as an enemy or destroyer." "Your emotions never lie to you. Logic is not loud—our emotions are loud, and they get louder the more we push them back." "Every emotion your child experiences is not a direct reflection of who you are as a parent." REFLECTION QUESTIONS Take these with you this week: What's one "why" question you keep circling that isn't giving you anything back? What would happen if you swapped it for a "how" or "what" question instead? Where are you asking yourself to "expand" right now when you actually need to "inhale"? What's one tiny creative action you could take this week that would help your body feel like it has somewhere to put the feeling? CONNECT WITH DANIELLE Listen on Spotify: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Listen on Apple Podcasts: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Website: Indianapolis Mental Health Educator, Speaker & Therapist for Women Wrestling a Walrus (Children's Book): Wrestling a Walrus | Emotional Regulation Book for Big Feelings The Treasured Journal: Treasured: Self Discovery Journal - Guided Journal Mental Health Substack: Danielle's Substack | Danielle Ireland | Substack Instagram: Danielle Ireland | Therapist (@dontcutyourownbangs) • Instagram profile TikTok: DontCutYourOwnBangs on TikTok ABOUT THE SHOW Don't Cut Your Own Bangs is a cozy corner of the internet for high-functioning humans with big feelings — the capable ones who get things done but quietly wonder if something's missing. If you're the unicorn in a power suit (or a perfectly neutral sweater), building a life that looks "right" on paper but still craving something freer and more alive — you're in the right place. Hosted by therapist and author Danielle Ireland, this show feels like sitting on the couch with your best friend — if your best friend happened to be a therapist. Together, we untangle burnout, anxiety, pressure, and comparison, and learn how to turn emotions into allies instead of obstacles. This is a space for comfort, community, clarity — and a few laughs along the way.  

What happens when sobriety stops being your whole identity—but honesty still matters? In this episode, I sit down with journalist, creator, and host Cat Greenleaf for a wide-ranging conversation about sobriety without performative seriousness, the exhaustion of high-functioning addiction, and the courage it takes to walk away from something—even when you're good at it. Cat is the creator and former host of Talk Stoop, a groundbreaking celebrity interview show that paved the way for digital content before platforms like TikTok even existed. Now she hosts the Soberness podcast, where she brings her signature warmth and realness to conversations about recovery with celebrities and public figures navigating sobriety in the spotlight. We talk about shame, ambition, therapy skepticism, creative identity, aging, and why "go where the water's warm"—a piece of advice from Brooke Shields that Cat received 16 years ago—might be the most trustworthy life guidance there is. If you've ever looked successful on the outside while quietly unraveling on the inside, or if you've felt that nudge that something in your life is done, this episode is for you. In This Episode: What high-functioning addiction actually looks like and how Cat knew it wouldn't go well from the start Why she spent 10 years sober without attending AA meetings The moment at a wedding that changed everything "I hate therapy" (and why that's perfectly okay) Why Cat is shifting her Soberness podcast from recorded interviews to live storytelling events The "be kind" tattoo story—and why she's having it removed How to know when it's time to walk away from something that's no longer working People's commitment to their own joy (and what that means for the rest of us) Guest: Cat Greenleaf is a journalist, creator, and host of the Soberness podcast. She's the creator of Talk Stoop, where she interviewed celebrities on her Brooklyn stoop before digital content became what we know it as today. She's currently pursuing her master's in forensic mental health counseling and has been working with incarcerated individuals for the past two years. Cat has been sober for 12 years. Connect with Cat: The Soberness Podcast: Soberness Podcast | Celebrity Interviews with Cat Greenleaf on Recovery and Sobriety Instagram: Soberness (@sobernesspodcast) • Instagram profile YouTube: Soberness Podcast with Cat Greenleaf Resources Mentioned: Talk Stoop (Cat's groundbreaking celebrity interview show) Brooke Shields' advice: "Go where the water's warm" The Algonquin Hotel (Cat's base for live Soberness events in NYC) Subscribe to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs: New episodes drop regularly with interviews, solo casts, and all the hope you need to keep going. Connect with Danielle: Website: Indianapolis Mental Health Educator, Speaker & Therapist for Women Instagram: Danielle Ireland | Therapist (@dontcutyourownbangs) • Instagram profile The Treasured Journal: Treasured: Self Discovery Journal for Women - Guided Journal Mental Health Wrestling a Walrus (Children's Book): Wrestling a Walrus | Emotional Regulation Book for Big Feelings Don't Cut Your Own Bangs is a cozy corner of the internet for high-functioning humans with big feelings — the capable ones who get things done but quietly wonder if something's missing. If you're the unicorn in a power suit (or a perfectly neutral sweater), building a life that looks "right" on paper but still craving something freer and more alive — you're in the right place. Hosted by therapist and author Danielle Ireland, this show feels like sitting on the couch with your best friend — if your best friend happened to be a therapist. Together, we untangle burnout, anxiety, pressure, and comparison, and learn how to turn emotions into allies instead of obstacles. This is a space for comfort, community, clarity — and a few laughs along the way. Because you deserve calm without having to earn it.  

If you've been feeling like you need someone to flip on a light switch in a dark room right about now, this episode is for you. And listen, I get it—February can be rough. All that January enthusiasm starts to fade, the Midwest winter is doing its thing (where did the sun go?), and suddenly that phone in your hand feels less like a tool and more like a stain you can't get out of your clothes (or out of your hand). So today, I'm offering what we all need: a little bit of hope. This is a cozy solo cast that's a deep dive into what I'm learning in real-time about habits and what they reinforce. The truth: I've been doom-scrolling between client sessions like it's my job, and my nervous system has some thoughts about that. We're talking about: How to gently take inventory of what you're consuming (media, food, habits, all of it) The homework my therapist gave me that changed how I show up in every relationship What you're actually responsible for (hint: it's less than you think) Why knowing your philosophy matters—whether you're a therapist, a parent, or just a human trying to navigate this wild world Plus, I'm giving you a sneak peek at two incredible interviews coming up this month with Cat Greenleaf (host of the Soberness podcast) and the one and only Ashlyn Thompson from the Parent Empowerment Network. If you need someone who makes heavy topics feel like a warm hug, Ashlyn is your person. She's basically the Ted Lasso of emotional work. KEY TAKEAWAYS "The things you repeat are what you reinforce." —James Clear, Atomic Habits This quote is the backbone of the episode. What are you repeating? Is it serving you? If not, what's one small shift you can make? You can't function for the responsibilities of your life if your nervous system is constantly firing. If you're feeling less Cinderella-with-birds-making-your-bed and more like you need to hide under the covers, it might be time to look at what you're consuming. Boundaries aren't just for other people—they're for what you let into your own mind and body. This is the work. What's yours to own? What's not? Getting clear on that changes everything. QUOTES THAT HIT "When you turn on a light in a dark space, the darkness isn't gone. But the darkness can't deny the light." "I wasn't clear on what I was actually responsible for. If I was responsible for their breakthroughs, then was I also responsible for what they didn't understand?" "Happiness can also look like having a lollipop for breakfast, lunch, and dinner—and then that creates a whole other issue." COMING UP THIS MONTH Cat Greenleaf from the Soberness podcast—talking celebrity sobriety, digital content, and constantly evolving Ashlyn Thompson from the Parent Empowerment Network—bringing the heart-centered wisdom with humor and warmth YOUR HOMEWORK (IF YOU WANT IT) Grab a journal, go for a walk, or just sit with these questions: What am I repeating? What is that reinforcing for me? Do I like what I'm reinforcing? If not, what's one subtle adjustment I can make? And if you need a place to process all of this? The Treasured Journal was made for exactly these moments. It's got prompts, sentence stems, and space for you to dig a little deeper with a little more safety and context. Link's in the show notes. THINGS THAT WILL MAKE MY WHOLE WEEK Rate and review the podcast wherever you're listening—it helps more people find this cozy corner of the internet Subscribe so you never miss an episode (we've got some good ones coming up!) Share this episode with someone who needs a little bit of hope right now Your time and attention mean everything to me. Thank you for being here. Now go have an incredible day. You've got this. —Danielle   RESOURCES MENTIONED Atomic Habits by James Clear Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings (my children's book!) The Treasured Journal (for all your processing needs) CONNECT WITH DANIELLE (links) Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq?si=JyAzazfISPWyg6I11hAylg Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Website: https://danielleireland.com/ Children's Book: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod?_t=ZP-8yFHmVNPKtq&_r=1  

If you're a capable, driven woman who's doing everything "right" — and still feeling exhausted, stuck, or quietly blaming your body — this episode is for you. In this deeply meaningful conversation, I sit down with Dr. Erica Bove, double board certified physician, fertility specialist, and founder of Love & Science Fertility, to talk about what happens when high-achieving women bring the same hustle-and-push mindset into their bodies… and why fertility, healing, and clarity ask for something different. We explore how self-compassion, nervous system regulation, and trust aren't "soft skills" — they're foundational tools for healing, decision-making, and moving forward with more ease and confidence. This episode blends science, lived experience, and real talk — with humor, honesty, and a few moments that might make you pause and say, oh… that's me. In this episode, we cover: Why trying harder often backfires in fertility and healing How hypervigilance and chronic stress impact the body What it actually means to trust your body again The difference between the inner critic and the inner coach Why creativity can calm anxiety faster than "trying to relax" Dr. Erica's powerful Don't Cut Your Own Bangs moment Key takeaways: Healing responds to safety, not pressure Your thoughts and feelings are data, not flaws Self-compassion improves clarity and follow-through You're not broken — your body is communicating with you Quotes from the episode: "Trying harder doesn't work in fertility — safety does." "Your thoughts and feelings are data." "The inner coach is so much better than the inner critic." Resources mentioned: The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Dr. Kristin Neff Stand With Minnesota: https://www.standwithminnesota.com Links & Resources Connect with Dr. Erica Bove https://www.loveandsciencefertility.com/ https://www.loveandsciencefertility.com/thepodcast https://www.loveandsciencefertility.com/starting-to-thrive-course https://www.instagram.com/loveandsciencefertility Connect with Danielle Podcast (Spotify): https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Podcast (Apple): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Website: https://danielleireland.com/ Children's Book: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod

Hello friends—welcome back to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, the cozy corner of the internet where we let our tender, imperfect selves exist.  This week we're talking about sustainable self-care—not the kind that turns into a color-coded assignment, but the kind that actually supports you in real life. I'm sharing two simple processes you can use anytime (even if you're burnt out, busy, or running on the last 3% of your battery). Plus: a few examples to help you rethink what "self-care" can look like when it's truly working. In this episode, we explore: What makes self-care sustainable (and why "a list of habits" often backfires) A quick "ideal day" exercise that helps you tune into what you actually need A simple somatic body-scan practice (hello, nervous system support) How to tell if a self-care practice is helping: before / during / after Real-life examples—from travel planning to solitude to tap dancing Key takeaways Self-care is only self-care if it's working—and "working" can change by season. Sustainable self-care is a process, not a perfection plan. Your body gives honest feedback—sometimes before your brain catches up. A couple of great lines from the episode "There's a difference between what I knew… and what I was actually embodying." "We deserve calm without having to earn it." Quick encouragement If self-care has felt like one more thing to do "correctly," let this be your reminder: you don't need a perfect routine. You need a kinder relationship with your needs.   If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe—it helps this cozy little corner grow and find the people who need it.   Episode Links: Podcast (Spotify): https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq?si=JyAzazfISPWyg6I11hAylg Podcast (Apple): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Website: https://danielleireland.com/ Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod?_t=ZP-8yFHmVNPKtq&_r=1 Children's Book: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal

Hello hello — I'm Danielle Ireland, and you're catching an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, the cozy corner of the internet where we answer the timeless question: Do I really want bangs… or do I just need to talk about my feelings? (Spoiler: it's often the feelings. And also sometimes bangs. We can be multidimensional.) In today's episode, we're talking about planting good seeds — not the aggressive "new year, new you, fix your entire personality by Tuesday" energy, but the soft, intentional, nervous-system-friendly kind of reset. Because if January were in charge of its own PR? It would be branded as recovery + reflection + gentle reorientation, not a monthly audition for your worthiness. We use a seed metaphor (because nature gets it), talk about rest as a generative space, and explore why the opposite of anxiety isn't necessarily calm… it might actually be creativity. I also share a very humbling moment at acupuncture where my body had a lot to say and I hadn't been listening.  In this episode, we talk about: Why the beginning of the year is a great time to set intentions, not punish yourself with "perfect" Rest as resistance (and why your body is not a machine) The surprising idea: the opposite of anxiety is creativity Micro-rest: how to make space for yourself even in a busy life The 4 questions that can reveal where you've lost your spark: When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop feeling enchanted by stories? When did you stop sitting in stillness? How breadcrumbs (like a screenshot of a dance class) can lead you back to yourself A gentle reminder: you are the expert in you — advice is useful, but you're not required to outsource your inner knowing A couple quotes from the episode: "Plant the seed… and then leave it alone. Give it the space and grace it needs to thrive." "Rest is a generative space. There is information for your healing in the dream space." "The opposite of anxiety is not calm — it's creativity." "Knowing something and doing something are not the same." (…my acupuncture appointment would like to cosign this.) Gentle invitation for the week: Pick one small "good seed" to plant — a tiny act of rest, wonder, play, or creativity — and let it be enough. Links + Resources Mentioned: The Nap Ministry: https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/ Martha Beck: https://marthabeck.com YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Website: https://danielleireland.com/ Children's Book: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod?_t=ZP-8yFHmVNPKtq&_r=1 Want to talk to me directly? Email me at danielle@danielleireland.com and put "bangs" in the subject line — questions, stories, topics you want on the pod… I'm in. And yes, I really will respond. Free Gift: Grab my free meditation here: https://danielleireland.com/free Quick favor (it helps more than you know): If this episode felt like a deep exhale, please rate, review, and subscribe — and send it to the friend who's been treating January like a final exam.

Reimagining January: Reflection, Creativity, and the Messy Middle Happy New Year — and welcome to the very first episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs in 2026. If you're feeling a little tender, tired, hopeful, unsure, or all of the above… you're in exactly the right place. This episode is not about reinvention. It's about reflection and reimagining. In this solo conversation, I'm sharing why I believe the beginning of a new year isn't meant for pressure, perfection, or becoming a brand-new person overnight. Instead, it's a powerful opportunity to pause, look back with honesty, and gently reimagine what you want more of — and less of — as the year unfolds. I reflect on the journey of this podcast, the role creativity has played in my life (from ballroom dance to therapy to children's books), and why making things for joy — not productivity — has been one of the most grounding decisions I've ever made. We also talk about: vulnerability and creativity anxiety and burnout why "do I need bangs or do I need to talk about my feelings?" is actually a very real question and how slowing down can literally change your experience of time (hello, Andromeda Paradox ✨) This episode is an invitation — to breathe, to soften, to stop attacking your goals, and instead commit to what matters. No resolutions required. Key Takeaways Why January is better for reflection than reinvention How creativity can calm anxiety and clarify decision-making The real meaning behind "Don't Cut Your Own Bangs" Why we're not as alone as we think (and why that matters) How slowing down can change your experience of time and overwhelm Quotes to Remember "You don't need to start from scratch. You're allowed to carry yourself forward." "If it isn't joy, it isn't right." "We are not unique in the things we fear — and thank God for that." A Note Before You Go If this episode made you feel a little more grounded, a little less alone, or helped you exhale — please rate, review, and subscribe. It's how this podcast continues to grow and reach people who need it. And if a friend popped into your mind while listening, share it with them. The best things in life are shared.  You can email me questions for the podcast at danielle@danielleireland.com - subject line (Bangs). 

Today's episode is the final part of our Best Lessons of the Year series, and it's dedicated to the part of you that's exhausted trying to figure it all out… because some seasons don't come with clean answers (rude). In this episode, we talk about surrendering the outcome—not in a giving up kind of way, but in a coming back to life as it is kind of way. You'll hear a powerful perspective from Dr. Tasha Faruqui on living in the gray when even science doesn't have the answers. And then I'll walk you through practical "anchors for your energy"—small, doable supports you can return to when you're depleted, overwhelmed, or stuck living for "after." If you've been telling yourself, "Once things calm down, then I'll breathe," this is your gentle reminder: you don't have to wait for life to be fully resolved to feel a moment of peace. In this episode, we talk about: Why "after" can drive survival-mode What it means to surrender control without surrendering hope How uncertainty can drain your energy (and how to reclaim it) Choosing joy intentionally (without forcing toxic positivity) Anchors for your energy: small practices that stabilize you during turbulence Quotes to remember: "Some seasons don't come with clean answers." "Surrendering the outcome doesn't mean surrendering your hope." "Joy often doesn't arrive… it's something we pursue." "Burnout isn't a symptom of failure. It's a symptom of fatigue." Key takeaways: Surrender = reclaiming energy you were spending trying to control what you can't. Joy can be a practice, not a mood you wait for. Anchors create stability in turbulence—pick one kind thing and return to it. A "one-degree shift" today can change how you land later. Your gentle invitation for the week: Pick one anchor: a walk outside, a one-minute pause, water before coffee, a phone boundary, or one brave little no. Try it. Keep it kind. Let it count. Full episodes from today's clips: https://youtu.be/EvzEljacc08 https://youtu.be/L-TvYBPKAso Mentioned: Sarah's Substack (recipes + joy + your new secret ingredient): https://substack.com/@activepalate?r=1sx5ib&utm_medium=ios Free meditation gift from Danielle: https://danielleireland.com/free RATE • REVIEW • SUBSCRIBE Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe, you help more people find this community—and it also helps me keep making the show better (for real). Thank you for being here. Connect with Danielle: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Website: https://danielleireland.com Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod  

If you've ever ended the day completely wiped out and thought, "Why am I this tired? I didn't even do anything that big…" — hi. Same. And this episode is for you. In Week 4 of our Best Lessons of the Year countdown, we're revisiting two of my favorite conversations because they speak to a very real modern experience: carrying a thousand invisible things… and then wondering why your nervous system feels like it's running a marathon in jeans. First, we dip back into my Solo Cast on the invisible mental load — that constant background hum of remembering, planning, worrying, organizing, anticipating, and basically being the "tabs open in your brain" person. Then, we revisit my conversation with Jordan Arogeti (co-founder of Support Now) to talk about Support Languages — a framework that helps us understand how we give support, how we receive it, how to read the room, and how to repair when we didn't show up the way we wish we had. So if you're listening while wrapping gifts, doing dishes, working out, or hiding in the car for five minutes of peace… welcome. You're in the right place. In this episode, you'll hear: Why the invisible mental load is exhausting even when your calendar "doesn't look that full" A tiny practice that helps an anxious brain actually tolerate stillness (yes, even for one minute) How your body often says "no" before your mouth does What Support Languages are (and why support isn't one-size-fits-all) The lost art of reading the room (and remembering you're not the main character in every chapter

Hello, hello! In this week's "Best Lessons of the Year" recap, we're diving into two surprisingly connected themes: How easy it is to lose ourselves in conflict How possible it is to find ourselves in nature We start with a clip from my solo cast, Winning Isn't Everything, where I break down what really happens when our nervous system floods and suddenly our partner becomes… the enemy. (Yes, even if 10 minutes ago they were our favorite person.) Then we shift into wide-open wonder with adventurer and wildlife guide Eli Martinez, who reminds us that reconnecting with the natural world isn't just "nice" — it's an actual portal back to intuition, presence, and our truest selves. Some quote that stand out "Stepping out of win-lose dynamics isn't weakness. It's wisdom." "When we stop fighting for control, we start listening — and that's when we find our way back to ourselves." "Wonder cracks us open in ways certainty never can." Key Takeaways Winning in conflict often means both people lose. We aren't built for battles in our closest relationships. Curiosity is a superpower — in conversation, in conflict, in connection. Nature resets the nervous system. Watching a sunset can be more therapeutic than a dozen self-help books. Adventure and intimacy feel the same in the body. Fear + excitement + vulnerability = transformation. The real lesson? Learning to trust yourself is a practice, not a one-time achievement. Full Episodes Featured Exploring the Wild with Eli Martinez https://youtu.be/nLyXdWeEKI4 Winning Isn't Everything https://youtu.be/VHc_kt3yQ3U Rate, Review & Subscribe If this episode sparked something in you — a whisper, a nudge, a little "Oof… that's for me" — please rate, review, and subscribe. It helps the show grow and helps conversations like this reach people who need them. Connect with Danielle Podcast: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Community: Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod Books & Journals: Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus (Children's Book): https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Website: https://danielleireland.com/  

Welcome back to The Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Countdown: Best Lessons of the Year — your cozy December rewind of the conversations that cracked me open, cracked me up, or came back to whisper, "Hey… you needed to hear that again." This week we're celebrating two big themes we ALL lived through this year: 1. Learning in real time (aka: The Messy Middle) 2. The courage to say a brave, wholehearted "No" You'll hear moments from my solo cast on "Tech Sweats" (yes, the kind where you curse at software and question your entire identity), plus one of my favorite conversations of the year with CityMom founder Janine Bobmeyer. Her story of burnout, truth-telling, and redefining success is one of those episodes you feel in your chest. A few moments you'll hear: • "Learning is rarely graceful. It's… sweaty." • "A 'no' spoken from truth is always a 'yes' to something better." • "Being in the middle of a mess doesn't mean you're doing it wrong — it just means you're in the middle." If you want the full episodes these clips came from, you can watch them here: • Full Jeanine Interview • Full Solo Cast: What It Feels Like to Learn in Real Time Please rate, subscribe, and leave a comment — it truly helps grow our community and connects these conversations with people like you :) Connect with The CityMoms:  https://thecitymoms.org/ Connect with Danielle Podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Podcast on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 Watch the show on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Community: Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod For purchase: The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus (Children's Book): https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus Free Gift for You: https://danielleireland.com/free

Welcome to The Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Countdown: Best Lessons of the Year — a special December series celebrating the moments, conversations, and insights that stayed with us long after the episodes ended. This week's theme: Frustration… and Magic. We're kicking things off with highlights from my solocast What Is Your Frustration Telling You? — an episode where we explored frustration not as a problem, but as information. As a whisper. As guidance disguised as discomfort. A favorite moment from the solocast: "Your emotions aren't roadblocks. They're signposts pointing to what matters most." Then we shift into an unforgettable conversation with coach, speaker, and magician John Kippen, pulling some of the most moving and resonant moments from his story of resilience and healing. ✨ A favorite quote from John's interview: "Magic didn't just save my life — it gave me a reason to keep choosing it." This curated "Best Of" isn't linear — think of it like flipping through a scrapbook of the most meaningful moments from the year. If a clip resonates, you can always listen to the full episodes below. Watch or listen to the full episodes anytime: ✨ What Is Your Frustration Telling You? (full solocast) Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs ✨ John Kippen Interview – Magic Saved My Life Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs Please rate, subscribe, and leave a comment — it truly helps the grow our community and connects these conversations with people like you:) Learn More About Today's Featured Guest: John Kippen Website: https://www.johnkippen.com Watch John's TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/john_kippen_magic_saved_my_life Connect with Danielle For the show: Podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq Podcast on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922 Watch the show on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs For community: Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod For purchase: The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Wrestling a Walrus (Children's Book): https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus For FREE! https://danielleireland.com/free

Welcome back to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs — the podcast that makes big feelings feel less scary and approaching them feel possible. Today I'm joined by someone who embodies ease and joy and wants to help you do the same - La Shell Wooten, and this conversation is one you're going to feel in the best way. We dive into the messy middle — that "What the hell am I doing?" space we all land in sometimes — and explore how to stop ditching yourself when life gets overwhelming. Instead, we talk about how your emotions can become your emotional GPS system guiding you forward — toward ease, possibility, and joy that doesn't require heroic effort or a personality makeover. What we explore: Why the messy middle is unavoidable (and often surprisingly useful) The difference between self-abandonment and self-trust Seeing emotions as information, not something to fear How to find "the next right thing" without forcing it The power of choosing joy — even when life is uncertain Favorite moments & quotes: "Your emotions aren't obstacles — they're messengers." "You don't have to overhaul your life to invite joy in." "Sometimes clarity whispers before it ever shouts." This episode is warm, funny, and deeply grounding — the perfect companion for your walk, your car ride, or your "I need a moment" moment.

This week on Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I welcome back one of the most impactful guests in the show's history — Marianne Talkovski, emotional wellbeing strategist, acupuncturist, Chinese medicine practitioner, author, coach, and the creator of The Wellbeing Code. Marianne has been one of the most trusted practitioners in my personal healing journey, and in this conversation she breaks down the deep connection between our emotions, our physical body, and how burnout and anxiety take root when we ignore what we feel. Through her lens of Chinese medicine, emotional intelligence, and nervous-system regulation, Marianne helps us understand:

Welcome back to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs — the podcast that makes big feelings feel less scary and approaching them feel possible. In this week's episode, I sit down with Jessica Fein, author, storyteller, and self-described reluctant grief expert. Jessica's story is both heartbreaking and life-affirming. After losing her two sisters and her teenage daughter, Dalia, she discovered that the greatest act of love we can offer is to say the name and share the story. Together, we explore how grief transforms us, how to stay connected to the people we've lost, and how storytelling can bring light to even the darkest seasons of life. This episode is an invitation to soften your heart toward your own pain and let love — not fear — lead the way. Key Takeaways Saying their name is sacred. It honors both memory and love. Grief and joy can coexist. Healing isn't about "getting over it" — it's about learning to live alongside it. Creativity helps us find joy again. Making something — a story, a meal, a moment — reconnects us to life. Connection begins with honesty. You don't have to fix someone's pain to be present for it. Mentioned in This Episode

Welcome to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs — the podcast that makes big feelings feel less scary and approaching them feel possible. I'm Danielle Ireland, LCSW, and today's episode is your Stress Reset: Holiday Boundaries and Presence — your one-stop, low-stress recap of my five-part series Put Down the Panic: A Kinder Guide to Stress. Think of this episode like a cozy audio love note — equal parts humor, heart, and a gentle nudge to slow down before the chaos of the season pulls you under. I'm walking you through: - Why exhaustion isn't laziness (it's a signal, not a flaw). - What burnout really looks like — and how to catch it before it pulls you under. - The power of saying "no" kindly (and why that's a gift to everyone). - How to turn down the volume on stress when life gets too loud. - And why your body's signals are the wisest holiday planner you have. Together we'll laugh, breathe deeper, and hopefully feel seen — because no, you're not the only one who's almost cried during family photos or used caffeine as a coping mechanism.

Welcome (back!) to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs — the podcast that makes big feelings feel less scary and approaching them feel possible. I'm Danielle Ireland, LCSW, and in this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Kate Lund — psychologist, TEDx speaker, and author of Step Away: A Modern Guide for Overwhelmed Parents to Reclaim Strength and Connection. If you've been feeling burnt out, stretched thin, or overwhelmed by life, this conversation will help you find calm in the chaos. Dr. Kate shares her story — from growing up with a rare medical condition to parenting twins — and how those experiences shaped her understanding of resilience, context, and compassion. Together, we explore what it really takes to bounce back, not by pushing harder, but by slowing down and reconnecting with what matters most. ✨ In this episode, you'll learn: A 5-minute relaxation technique to instantly reduce overwhelm Why intentional living beats perfectionism when you're stretched thin How to build emotional resilience and model calm for your family Small daily habits that create space, peace, and perspective Favorite Quotes: “Intentionality is the antidote to overwhelm.” “Context is your lane — drive that road well.” “Start the day modulated, not already maxed.” Because you deserve calm, clarity, and connection — without having to earn it.

The holiday season is here, and with it comes an avalanche of invitations, requests, and expectations. Parties, bake sales, family gatherings, end-of-year deadlines—it's the season of “yes.” And before I know it, my energy tank starts flashing empty. In this final episode of Put Down the Panic: A Kinder Guide to Stress, I wanted to end on one of the most important themes of the entire series: boundaries—and how to say no kindly, clearly, and without guilt. If the word no gets caught in your throat or you find yourself agreeing to things you never actually wanted to do, you're not alone. I've been there too. Saying no can feel like disappointing people or breaking some invisible rule about being “nice.” But I've learned that boundaries aren't about rejection—they're about clarity. They're not a way of shutting people out; they're a way of keeping myself grounded and connected. In this episode, I share why it's so hard to say no, what our early attachment patterns have to do with it, and how we can begin to change that story. Many of us—especially women —were conditioned to be accommodating, pleasing, and available. But constantly saying yes doesn't make us generous; it makes us exhausted. I'll walk you through a few of my favorite tools and gentle language swaps to make “no” feel a little lighter, including: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can't commit right now.” “I don't have the capacity, but here's another option.” “No, thank you.” (Yes, that's a full sentence!) I also talk about one of my favorite practices: treating boundaries as an act of self-partnership. I imagine my past and future self as teammates. The version of me from three days ago who blocked out time on the calendar, made lunch plans at home, or said no to something that would've drained me—she was taking care of me. And the me right now? I'm doing the same for the future version who'll thank me later. Boundaries aren't punishment; they're protection. And when I honor my energy first, I can show up more fully for the things and people that truly matter. If you've ever felt the pressure to do it all, to say yes to every request, or to overexplain your “no,” I hope this episode feels like permission to breathe again. Saying no with kindness and calm is one of the most loving things we can do—for ourselves and for everyone around us. Resources Mentioned: – The Treasure Journal: A 7-part guided journal and meditation series to help you reset before burnout sets in.  – Wrestling a Walrus: For Little People with Big Feelings: A playful tool for helping kids (and grown-ups) name and navigate big emotions with compassion. FREE mediation download Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram If this conversation helps you take one deep breath or say one kinder no, share it with a friend who might need the same reminder. Because you deserve calm—without having to earn it.

“If Plan A is meaningful enough, there should not be a Plan B and a Plan C.” Martha Hoover joins me for a wide-ranging, candid convo on vision, hospitality, change, and unapologetically starting your “second rodeo.” We talk about building something distinctive, even if the world isn't ready for it, parenting and businesses growing up like “twins,” learning to say "no", and why perfection is a trap. Martha shares stories—from sexism at the bank to learning stick shift in one afternoon—that show how courage, clarity, and follow-through beat “shoulda-coulda-woulda” every time. In this episode, we cover: Hospitality is its own “superpower”: making people feel truly welcomed in your sacred spaces Creating what you wanted—and trusting others want it, too Change as the only constant (and how to lean into it) Energy budgeting: non-negotiables, boundaries, and saying no without guilt Parenting, business, and growth on parallel timelines Ageism, relevance, and launching a “Second Rodeo” in your 70s Failing with joy, learning publicly, and persisting without a Plan B 3 Key Takeaways Define and defend your non-negotiables. Write them down, communicate them, and hold them—because expectations go both ways. Change isn't the enemy—resistance is. Treat pivots as progress: if something doesn't work, you've learned… and you can change again. Commit to Plan A. When the goal matters, ditch the escape hatches. Commitment calms the noise and focuses your energy. Links & Mentions Martha Hoover on Instagram Martha's MSH Collective: helping women thrive in life and business A Longer Table (Formerly known as the Patachou Foundation) The Mother Load by Sarah Hoover (audiobook recommended) “Learning How to Surf” short film (Hurley) — a blueprint for learning anything Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus If this episode made you braver about your next chapter, share it with a friend and subscribe, so you don't miss the next conversation.

Stress symptoms you've been brushing off aren't flaws—they're messages. In this Don't Cut Your Own Bangs mini-series - Put Down the Panic: A Kinder Guide to Stress, therapist Danielle Ireland, walks through the quiet ways stress shows up (jaw clenching, gut flutters, broken sleep) and how a few gentle shifts can keep those whispers from turning into burnout—perfect timing as the holidays approach. Here's the heart of it: your body is a messenger, not a problem. “The way your body is responding to stress is not failure—it is information.” You also can't outrun stress—“Suppressed stress doesn't vanish.” High thresholds only delay the crash. The good news? Tiny things work. A one-minute body-scan, a short walk or stretch, and a slow, deep breath can reset more than you think when you do them consistently. Want ideas you can try today? Do a quick head-to-toe scan to notice tension, add a few minutes of gentle movement, and breathe slowly—simple box breathing (4-4-4-4) if that helps. These aren't grand gestures; they're steady, doable practices that add up. Resources • The Treasured Journal (7-part guided journal + meditations) • Wrestling a Walrus For Little People with Big Feelings Watch the show on YouTube follow on Instagram Stick around to the end for a reminder you'll want on repeat—and subscribe so you don't miss the final episode of this mini-series (there's a special audio-only gift inside). If this helped, a quick like, subscribe, and review helps more people find calm.   00:00 Why small signals matter 02:20 Common stress signs 08:50 Why we minimize 12:20 Hustle

In this week's episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I sit down with the radiant and insightful Angie Arkin — an internationally known intuitive healer and psychic channel whose work has guided clients around the world. Angie and I talk about what it means to trust your intuition, how to distinguish between the critical inner voice and the deeper truth inside of you, and why healing often begins by simply asking, “What do I need right now?” Whether you're brand-new to the world of energy work or already well on your way in your spiritual practice, this conversation offers gentle entry points, grounded wisdom, and plenty of heart. Plus, Angie shares a don't cut your own bangs moment you won't forget — complete with dolphins and a near-miss with a shark!

Burnout doesn't just wear you out physically—it scrambles your thoughts, blurs your focus, and leaves you feeling lost in life. Even on days when “nothing big” happened, you can still feel completely drained, overstimulated, and like you're drowning emotionally. In this solo episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I share a personal story of navigating one of those days when the noise of burnout got way too loud—and the small but powerful shifts that helped me reclaim clarity and calm. This conversation is part of my Put Down the Panic: A Kinder Guide to Stress mini-series, created to help you lower the volume on burnout, quiet the noise, and make space to hear your own voice again. Three Key Takeaways 1. Overstimulation fuels burnout more than we realize. “It's so easy for overstimulation to fuel the burnout we're trying to avoid.” Our brains weren't built for nonstop notifications, interruptions, and mental multitasking. Recognizing overstimulation is the first step toward recovery. 2. Tiny resets create big clarity. “One little notch down in the volume makes it that much easier for you to hear yourself—the truth of your own experience." Even a one-minute pause or a few minutes of “sensory white space” without screens can help you reset and reconnect. 3. Rest and repair are not weaknesses. “The break I gave myself didn't reinvigorate me—it repaired me. And that was exactly what I needed.” Repair days protect you from deeper burnout. They're just as valuable as days when you feel fully energized. Resources Mentioned The Treasure Journal – a 7-part guided journal and meditation series → The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus: For Little People with Big Feelings – my children's book to help kids (and adults) navigate emotions → Wrestling a Walrus Watch the show on YouTube Instagram If you've been feeling lost in life or thinking, “I feel like I'm drowning emotionally,” I hope this episode offers you a breath of fresh air and a gentle reminder: you don't have to earn your peace—it's waiting for you in the pause. Don't forget to subscribe to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with someone who might need a moment of calm today.

This week on Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I'm joined by the incredibly talented (and incredibly sweet!) Asia Coffee—award-winning cake artist, YouTube creator with over 100,000 subscribers, Food Network alum (Holiday Wars, Season 3), and “Sugar Angel” with Icing Smiles. Asia's journey is inspiring, relatable, and sprinkled with wisdom. From overcoming imposter syndrome to navigating burnout after the spotlight, she shares how consistency, creativity, and a dash of grace helped her grow a thriving business and community. Consistency beats perfection — “It wasn't about making it perfect, it was about showing up anyway.” Imposter syndrome doesn't get the final say — “The best is yet to come—keep going, things will change for the better.” Grace is part of growth — “I can do hard things. But I also get to ask—how hard do I want to make them for myself?” If you've ever wondered whether you started too late, felt like you didn't belong, or questioned your creative path—Asia's story will remind you it's never too late to begin. Visit the links to Asia's work, her YouTube channel, and the incredible nonprofit she volunteers with, Icing Smiles. YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/AsiaCoffee Sweet Treats Blog: https://www.cakesbycoffee.com/cake-decorating-blog  Website: www.cakesbycoffee.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/Mrs.CoffeesCakes  www.facebook.com/CakesByCoffee RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.   Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus  

Ever felt like you're low-level drowning, even though everything looks “fine” on paper? That's burnout—and it doesn't show up with fireworks. It creeps in quietly until suddenly you've hit a wall and wonder: How in the heck did I get here? In this solo episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs (episode 2 of the Put Down the Panic: A Kind Guide to Stress mini-series), Danielle shares what burnout really looks like, how to spot the sneaky signs early, and the surprisingly gentle ways you can climb back without guilt—or another mountain of “shoulds.” Grab your tea, light a candle, and let's walk through this together. Because you deserve calm without having to earn it. Recognize the early signs — “When the little things that normally bring you joy don't anymore, that's a red flag your body is waving.” Rest is not optional — “Burnout recovery is like a broken bone. You wouldn't skip the cast—so don't skip rest.” Anchor back to yourself — “Anchors are small daily choices—like a walk outside, drinking water before coffee, or asking for help—that root you in calm instead of chaos.” If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who might need the reminder that burnout isn't failure—it's just your body's way of saying: enough, please. Resources Mentioned: The Treasured Journal – Danielle's guided journal for self-reflection Wrestling a Walrus – A children's book for little (and big) people with big feelings Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.   

We've all been there — someone we love is struggling, and we desperately want to help… but we don't know how. Do we step in? Step back? Offer words? Bring dinner? Sometimes, the hardest part of supporting someone is figuring out what support actually looks like. In this heartfelt conversation, Jordan Arogeti, co-founder of Support Now and speaker of a powerful TED Talk explains why knowing someone's Support Language is the key to giving the kind of help that actually makes a difference & introduces the idea of Support Languages — a way to identify and honor the unique ways people want and need care. She shares her personal journey through motherhood, identity shifts, and invisible labor, and why learning to give and receive support has changed everything. Together, we unpack the myths of “having it all,” the weight women silently carry, and why support isn't a sign of weakness — it's one of the bravest, strongest choices we can make. ✨ What you'll hear in this episode: Why “having it all” leaves women exhausted and unfulfilled How Support Languages make offering help easier and more meaningful The invisible mental load most of us never name — but always feel Jordan's path to co-founding Support Now and reimagining care for families Why asking for and receiving help is an act of strength, not failure “Support isn't weakness — it's the strongest choice we can make.” Connect with Jordan: Learn more about Support Now:  Take the Support Languages quiz Watch Jordan Arogeti's TED Talk:  RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.   Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus  

Ever feel completely drained at the end of the day… but can't point to one big thing that explains it? That's the invisible mental load - at work, at home, in life. In this solo episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, Danielle Ireland unpacks the unseen weight of constant remembering, planning, and worrying—and how small, doable shifts can lighten that load. ✨ This is part of the Put the Panic Down mini-series, a kind guide to stress—because you deserve calm without having to earn it.

When life doesn't go as planned, how do you keep going — and still find joy along the way? In this moving conversation, pediatrician, rare disease advocate, and author Dr. Tasha Faruki joins me to share her extraordinary journey as a mother navigating her daughter's complex medical needs. From the first whispers that something was different, to the raw reality of “failure to thrive,” to redefining joy through Make-A-Wish surfboards in Hawaii, Dr. Tasha's story is one of grit, surrender, and radical love. We talk about: Trusting your instincts when everyone says “don't worry” Letting go of the plan you thought your life would follow Siblings, family repair, and the unspoken challenges behind the scenes The power of asking “Why not?” instead of “Why me?” Living by the family motto: Suck the joy out of life Some quotes from the episode: "Our children carry the medicine we need." "I had to stop waiting for joy to fall into my lap and start intentionally finding it." "It's incredibly brutal and it's incredibly beautiful — and both can be true."

Welcome to a solo cast episode of ‘Don't Cut Your Own Bangs'! In this episode, I dive into tackling my tech nightmares, facing limiting beliefs and how my experience connects to a client's deeper understanding of their relationship patterns. I share relatable stories and actionable takeaways to help you navigate your own learning process: 1) The consistency of the learning process - a question or obstacle always initiates it. 2) The importance of compassionate curiosity - shifting 'Why' questions to 'How' and 'What' questions. 3) Embracing the spiral nature of progress - each iteration helps us move closer to our goals. Join me in making big feelings feel less scary and more approachable. As I say, 'The process of learning is always the same, and it often starts with discomfort.' Tune in and let's unlearn to relearn together! 00:00 Introduction and Podcast Intentions 03:36 The Learning Process: Personal Tech Challenges 14:45 Client Story: Relationship Patterns and Learning 19:13 Embracing Discomfort and Growth 21:19 Conclusion and Listener Engagement   RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.   Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus Learning Process solocast [00:00:00] [00:00:08] ​ [00:00:08] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching a solo cast of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And I wanted to hop on quickly because I had a killer session with a client that had some awesome takeaways that I think everybody could benefit from hearing and I've had a lesson repeatedly coming up in my life that also mirrors what my client was experiencing. [00:00:31] And I think the. The two stories together may offer something to you. So that's the hope. That's what we're gonna do. And the other thing I wanted to do was reintroduce the intention and the concept of this podcast, which is to make big feelings, feel less scary and more approachable, interpreting the information of our emotions to help guide us. [00:00:54] Into making the next right step for ourselves. Shrinking the gap between knowing what we feel and knowing what we wanna do with that feeling is where a lot of tension lives. So I wanna help shrink that gap, and then I wanna do it in a way that helps us feel light and. Maybe even have some knowing laughter in the face of our big feelings, because when we are met with truth, there's an opening and expanding clarity, and sometimes there are tears, which I think can keep people maybe stuck from looking at them because we don't wanna cry, which I get. [00:01:27] But the other thing I wish everyone could experience is the deep, profound belly laugh that happens in therapy sessions, in treatment rooms, in group therapy, in addiction groups, in. The profoundly just meaningful, vulnerable conversations between friends. The feelings we so often run from are the birthplace of a deeper, more meaningful connection and so much laughter and joy, and that's the hope here. [00:02:03] I want to have conversations like that with my guests. I want to have conversations like that with you. [00:02:08] [00:02:12] [00:03:27] ​ [00:03:30] I wanna offer a couple of stories, a couple of key takeaways, and then we're all gonna go on with our day. The process of learning, the process of learning is always the same. The process of learning is always the same, and I'm saying this multiple times for myself as much as anyone else because it seems particularly for me when it comes to technology. [00:03:55] I have a story about myself in approaching tech. My story is technology is hard and I'm not good at technology and I don't always read directions, and then I get tech sweat and I get in my head and I either want to abandon the tech altogether, I wanna abandon the project altogether. I wanna distract myself with something else more familiar and comfortable, which working from home can be chores or I'll find a way to busy myself to avoid the thing that makes me so deeply and profoundly uncomfortable. This story that I've been telling myself about tech, I have also disproven and I have plenty of evidence to the contrary many times over. [00:04:34] This isn't about unpacking the story or worrying about where the story comes from. That can be another podcast for another time. But today it is about looking at the process of learning. It is always the same. It is often uncomfortable. And I have a story about a client who has gone through in her own way, a similar iteration with my tech story, with relationships and it's different experiences, but the lesson and the through line of what it really means to learn something new about yourself and carry that information forward. [00:05:13] It's a simple process to say. It is harder to see when it's happening to you, and that is my hope in sharing it with you here today, is that you can see yourselves and my story or in an aspect of my clients, and then apply it to yourself and it won't be so hard for you when it comes up. [00:05:30] The process of learning starts with a question, a problem, or an obstacle. The question of how do I figure this thing out in my case? I have been converting my podcast to video. Very exciting. Hello, if you're watching, thanks for watching. Converting the podcast to video has added many layers of new technology and excerpt cut to me excessively sweating in a corner, thinking about how in the hill am I gonna figure this out? [00:06:00] Every podcast I have had a new challenge. I've met the challenge and I figured it out. And also every podcast I'm looking at the previous one, thinking, oh God, I could have done that. I could have done that. And this particular challenge for me earlier this week was I had recorded it in Zoom. [00:06:18] There was an issue I didn't save it in the way that I needed to save it, to make it more manageable and malleable. So I'm left with a block of video that is a very thin landscape within a landscape, which is not ideal, and had to find several workarounds to make it look correct in the format of. [00:06:42] The YouTube channel. And then of course it can't be the same like every credit card machine has its own freaking process. Had to figure out how do I then get it to convert into clips that look appropriate for social media? Because social media doesn't want it horizontal, they want it vertical. [00:07:02] I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, but I'm pretty sure this is not an exaggeration. It took me about three hours to figure out a workaround with the raw material of the video I had and how to get it to actually fill the horizontal space for the YouTube channel correctly and then figure out how to work around, flip it and reverse it and make it work for the vertical. [00:07:25] I am just grinding my gears, trying to figure this out, but to bring it into the process of learning is the same every time. It started with, I have a problem and my problem is my video isn't filling out the view of the format correctly. [00:07:42] How do I do that? How is a great question. Not, why can't I figure this out? Why isn't this working? Why does this always happen to me? But once I'm in the process of learning, it almost always starts with a what if? What if this were possible? How could I make it possible? What do I need to do? [00:07:59] What And how are great questions to activate this process if you're stuck in a spiral? But since we're in the process of learning itself. It starts with a how? How do I figure this out? That led me to a series of Google searches and YouTube videos, and then my brain was saturated with information. Then I try to take that information and distill it into figuring it out one slow, heavy click of the keyboard at a time. Little by little, I'm actually starting to get something that looks closer to the way that I want it to look and. [00:08:33] Just side note, it still looks like amateur hour in comparison to people who have been doing this for a really long time. But I'm also super proud of myself. Both things can be true. I can be an amateur and a novice, which I am in many ways, and I can also be really proud of what I've learned so far, which has been a fuck ton. [00:08:49] I have something that's much closer to what I wanted the end product to be. And I figured out actually some really cool functions within the software that I use called D Script to try to record my video podcasts. [00:09:03] I figured out a lot of interesting workarounds and tools and functions that I would've otherwise never known existed had I not tried to solve this problem. So the process of learning is always the same, only always the same. Forever. It starts with a problem, an obstacle, a need. Then it leads to a question, a form of curiosity. [00:09:26] How would I approach this? How could I figure this out? What if I was able to do this? Is it possible for me to do this? And then I go through the process, the next step after the question is where 90% of the discomfort lives. Because you're actually muscling through something brand new that you've never done before. [00:09:47] Postulating a question that actually is almost more romantic and fun. It's brainstormy. Not that there can't be energy and output put into the question, but in the actual execution of trying to do the damn thing, it's awkward and uncomfortable. And sweaty, and at the end of that three hour chunk after already having worked several hours on other things that were a little bit more practiced in me, I was spent, but then I immediately, and this is new for me, after shutting the computer down, sitting back, I had one thought, which was, damn. [00:10:27] That took. Forever. And then the other was, I know a lot now. I was able to, almost in the same moment, think, oh, that was really freaking hard and. I know so much more about this. I bet I'm going to be able to do the next one that much better. Knowing what I know. I know how to save. [00:10:52] I know how to record. I know how to set up my guest. Better for success I know that if, God forbid, all these other things fall apart I'm also able to now carry this workaround into that with more confidence because I know how to do it now. [00:11:09] I know what the functions are. I know all the mistakes I made that I won't make again and. I was actually really proud of myself. The elements of the learning process that have always been true, they start with a question and a curiosity, and then the discomfort of figuring it out. The part that I wanna share and because I'm excited about it 'cause it's newer, for me, is I really allowed that effort to inform my new sense of confidence. [00:11:38] Moving into the next project. And do you know what, the uncomfortable day was three days ago, and I was able to actually prove myself correct yesterday, like this is very, very recent. [00:11:51] Now I'm sitting again with raw material. Raw editing material that I'm gonna have to do the exact same workaround that I did on Monday, but I know how to do it. I'm halfway done and it has taken a fourth, like a fraction of the time. It took me the first time, and it's only the second time I've had to do this. [00:12:10] Knowing what I know now . I know with a much deeper, more profound sense of knowing that I am capable of figuring this out. I am working with technology that my old story is really just that an old story. [00:12:24] It's old news, and I have new information now that I also need to allow to exist because it is true at one point in time technology. Was really hard for me. I don't know where the origin story came from. But the new element to this process of unlearning for me is adding the other things that are true in a way that is kind and compassionate to myself, which is, Hey, you figured it out. It was hard and uncomfortable, and no, you don't wanna do it that way again, but you figured it out. [00:12:56] You know the discomfort of this moment will inform future setups and give you that much more of a push to ensure that you follow the steps that can make your life easier. That's really good information to have. That's good experience to have, and. The process of getting there was uncomfortable. [00:13:16] I share this because it is so easy to look at lessons in hindsight and only want to reflect on the learnings and takeaways and not actually when you are in that sweaty, uncomfortable, is this ever going to come together? Am I ever gonna get their ? [00:13:34] It's so easy to feel alone in that process. It's so easy to feel incredibly stuck because in some ways you may be stuck. It's like trying to move through mud, up to your knees and trying to get one foot in front of the other. It's just feels so damn slow, and that's not a personality trait if you are having a hard time in that active learning process. [00:13:56] That is just true of you're forming new neural pathways. It is a new pattern in you, and so the neurons haven't fired in the same way the practiced behaviors in you or the practiced stories in you. They're like a super highway. that's freshly paved, blacktop, and perfectly smooth. [00:14:14] That's just your mind knows how to operate in that pattern. It doesn't know how to operate in this new way. So comparing, smooth blacktop, super highway to a little pebbled path in a patch of woods behind your house maybe gonna get to your intended destination, but the path of getting there is gonna look and feel a lot different. [00:14:36] Having that information in my peripheral vision as I was experiencing the discomfort earlier this week helped me out a lot. I then had the benefit of today sitting in a therapy session with a client that I've worked with for a really long time, and there is a relationship pattern that this person has found themself in, where faces have changed, names have changed, but the way that they're treated and the relationship has, and particularly in conflict, has felt very familiar and. [00:15:12] Each time, and I wanna highlight this image 'cause it's important. Each time that this is experienced, what my client has done is another iteration of this learning process. [00:15:23] The process of once we get through either the more shame or stress or anxiety inducing questions like, why am I not enough? Why isn't this working? Why is this always happening? When we shift that type of questioning to. How do I want to be treated? How do I want to feel? [00:15:40] Am I treating myself with the kindness and respect that I am expecting of them? Am I treating myself the way I wanna be treated? And each step that is. Positioned through the lens of compassionate curiosity. It's more actionable. It also leads to a more tangible step it leads you to a new understanding. The progress with that type of questioning and self-examination. [00:16:10] When we make progress or we come out of a hard situation, what we want to think is that relationships look like stair steps just like this. So if you're watching on YouTube, you can see the Post-It note I'm holding up. But if you're listening, we want it to be like a stair step. We move up, we learn something new, we move forward, we never have that mistake again, and then we move up and learn something new and then we move forward. [00:16:31] We never have that situation again. Wouldn't that be great? But. The truth with a capital T, is that learning something new feels more like this and I'm holding up a post-it note that shows a little spiral. Each time we go through the same situation again or the same learning again. For me, it's every time I'm approaching a new piece of technology. [00:16:55] In my client's case, we're reflecting on a romantic relationship. What I'm actually measuring my progress on is not that, oh, I'm confronting new technology and feeling stressed. Ugh, I'm failing. Because if I'm looking at it from the stair step point of view, that's when it's gonna feel like I'm sliding backwards. [00:17:13] But from the lens of the spiral, each time I go deeper, deeper into the spiral, I am able to make the connection sooner. I'm able to see the situation clearer, sooner the fear spike that I may have when approaching this new project because I have more experience and therefore confidence behind me to know that I've done this before, I'll probably have a better chance of figuring it out. [00:17:39] It shrinks the gap of. Having the feeling of discomfort, and knowing what to do with that feeling of discomfort. And in this case, and if you're not watching on YouTube, I'm holding my hands together. And so each iteration of the spiral, my hands are getting closer and closer together. [00:17:53] That gap is getting smaller. And my client had this experience today at the end of a relationship with someone they love and loved dearly, the love doesn't just go away. They realized with this new profound sense of clarity and confidence that this relationship was progressed by every standard of where they had been before. [00:18:19] What they know now, the information they hold now and how they want to that information to inform their life moving forward. This relationship no longer serves them now, just like my story about technology doesn't serve me anymore because it's not entirely true or nor is it true at all. And in this case, with my client sitting in the discomfort and then allowing that compassionate curiosity of. [00:18:43] How do I wanna be treated? How do I wanna feel? What if I treated myself with the same respect that I'm wanting this other person to treat me? Moved them forward with new information. The relationship ending while hard, because it always is, it's never easy. The relationship ending was a beautiful and tender goodbye. If there was anything to take away from either my example or the example of my client, it's that if you are in your own version of a struggle or very active learning process right now where it feels so slow, like you're moving through mud, remembering that. The perspective. [00:19:32] That's why I try to hold the image of the spiral up as often as possible. So maybe grab your own post-it note and just draw like a little spor spiral circle where it just gets tighter and tighter. 'cause for me, seeing the struggle as this is a moment in a process versus a problem, that this is a challenge that I'm meeting in a much larger process that is going to lead me in the end to a new outcome. [00:20:00] Whatever that outcome is. I don't know. I'm not there yet because I'm in this part of the process, but knowing that that's all this is, gives me a sense of relief because what my fear is often telling me is that my pain and discomfort are permanent. This will always be hard. This will never get easier. [00:20:20] This will never work out, and remembering, okay, this discomfort. Is very real and it is a part of a larger process that's gonna lead me to something new. And that new something will hopefully help me make a better, quicker, more gentle decision in the future. I hope my story is proof of progress that. Your old stories, they may always be a part of you a little bit. Oh, there's that old story coming up. There it is, and I'm feeling the discomfort of that. But ask yourself some other questions like, is it true? [00:20:55] Is it really true? Is it the same as it was last time? Is it exactly the same? How is it a little different? Those compassionate questions, how and what, what if this worked out? What could I do with this information? How is this maybe working for my benefit? How is this serving me? How can this help me in the future? [00:21:13] The how and the what are much better in process questions when you're trying to figure something out. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for joining me in this solo cast on Don't cut your own bangs. Sharing this space with you is. Something I treasure deeply. There's so many places you could be, and the fact that you're spending time here means more to me than you could possibly know. [00:21:35] What I would love to invite is ask me some questions. I wanna answer your questions in the solo cast specifically, so you can email me at danielle@danielleireland.com and just put in the subject bangs and just hit me up with a question you have. This isn't podcast therapy. I can't diagnose or therapize you through this, but I can certainly answer your questions. [00:21:57] I can answer therapy questions, relationship questions, process questions, wherever you're finding yourself hitting a stumbling block when it comes with big feelings. I've got you. This is a container and a community for you, so let's dive in. Remember, please, please, please to rate, review and subscribe to the podcast, particularly the subscribe one. [00:22:16] It makes your life easier. Two, it helps the podcast grow. But any way you choose to interact with this podcast helps other people find it. Thank you for being here. I hope you continue to have an incredible day.

Join me, Danielle Ireland, on this week's episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs as I chat with Jeanine Bobenmoyer, the founder of City Moms. Jeanine shares her journey from feeling isolated in a new city to building a thriving community for moms that is expanding nationwide. We dive into the power of community building, the importance of saying 'no,' and how City Moms grew from a local network to a national movement. This conversation is filled with heartfelt moments, laughter, and invaluable lessons on self-trust and service to others. Tune in to learn how Jeanine's mission evolved and how you can connect with this incredible community of supportive moms. Don't miss Jeanine's own 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs' moment—it's a story of transformation you won't want to miss!   00:00 Introduction and Guest Overview 01:11 Jeanine's Background and City Moms Origin 02:46 Early Challenges and Community Building 04:39 Meeting Sarah and Business Growth 10:32 Drew Barrymore Show and Indianapolis Love 13:54 Content Strategy and Community Engagement 20:59 COVID Impact and National Expansion 23:05 Expanding the City Moms Community 24:17 Building a Female-Led Team 26:15 Listening to City Moms 28:50 Storytelling Over Sales 36:02 Launching a New Membership Experience 38:32 A Personal Story of Change 50:11 Conclusion and Final Thoughts   RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.   Connect with Jeanine: Website: www.thecitymoms.org Join our membership waitlist: https://thecitymoms.org/join-waitlist  Instagram:@thecitymoms TikTok: @thecitymoms Pinterest: @thecitymoms  Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus Transcript [00:00:00] [00:00:08] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. [00:00:13] And today I have the opportunity to sit down with city moms founder, janine Bobmeyer. Janine is a mom of teens, a yoga addict, a Michigan native, and an avid reader. Her dream vacation includes hiking in national parks with her family and a cup of hot chai. And do we get into the tea in this episode? [00:00:34] But RT is super heartfelt, heart led, and based on community building and vulnerability. If that's the stuff that you're into, then oh, you are gonna love this conversation. Of all the things I took from this episode, what Janine embodies and what you are able to learn from as well is what it means to trust yourself, and that in the process of honoring yourself, giving a wholehearted loving no or saying yes to adventure, it is leading you to something that is not only in service of you. [00:01:09] But in service of others. Janine has founded a community city moms and started as a local community that she built based on her own need in Indianapolis. But it has grown and it is popping up in cities all over the country. We get into the early days and please stay tuned if there was ever a, don't cut your own bang moment to really not wanna miss. [00:01:31] This is a good one. It actually, it bookends the episode perfectly because we start by talking about her business and the community and company that she started, but we understand the why, the deep, profound, heartfelt, why that inspired it all. What I believe to be true that when we act in service of ourself it ultimately rises everybody up with you. [00:01:56] Everything we have leaving up to it is also just equally beautiful, sweet, funny, and endearing. [00:02:03] Thank you for being here. Thank you, Janine, for this beautiful conversation. And I can't wait for you to sit back, relax, or put in your AirPods and go for a walk however you like to listen and enjoy. ​ [00:02:18] Danielle: Janine Bobmeyer. It's such a pleasure to have you on the Don't Cut Your Own Banks podcast. You are the chief executive officer and co-founder of City Moms, and it is the largest growing lifestyle brand in the Midwest. [00:02:31] So I am just so honored to spend some time with you and share all of what you do and what you offer women and mothers in the Midwest, to the Don't Cut Your own Bangs. Listeners, thank you for being here. [00:02:43] Jeanine: Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here. [00:02:46] Danielle: Yeah, so fun fact on how we connected, if I'm remembering this correctly, a couple of years ago, city moms reached out to me to feature Don't cut your own bank podcast in, one of your, articles or newsletters just featuring local podcasts in Indie. [00:03:03] And that was so lovely. That was at a time where I was just starting and didn't know who was listening. It was such a, it was so validating and a real confidence boost for me. So I first wanna just say thank you. [00:03:14] Jeanine: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I remember that article. We were. [00:03:18] Pulling, I think it was the top 10 podcasts you should be listening to in Indianapolis. Specifically founded by females. And you were one of the first that came to mind, because I know you were just launching at the time. You were like, well, hello. Of course you need to be listed on this. [00:03:32] Danielle: When you're just getting something off the ground, there is such a. There's so much space between where you are, right, where you imagine yourself to be or where you wanna be. [00:03:43] And whatever you can do to just keep getting one foot in front of the other, or even getting started takes so much energy and it's vulnerable. And so you and your best friend and business partner Sarah Hawker, are sitting on top of this really beautiful community that you have built. I think community building is just a magic skill. [00:04:06] And so I wanna go back to the early days of City Moms. You have some language on your site that I love. You need a village. We have it. Yeah, I was thinking that we don't need super women. We need supported women. Right. [00:04:20] I've also learned that what we offer others usually starts with the healing we need it. And so you're a mom of teens now? Yeah. So can you tell me a little bit about like the origin of city moms and how you went from I'm imagining having a good idea with your girlfriend to sitting where you're sitting today, being featured on the Drew Barrymore show. [00:04:39] Jeanine: Yeah, I was new to Indianapolis in 2011, so we had moved to the city from Detroit. I'm originally from Michigan, but my husband's from Indy. And in moving here to be closer to his family, I didn't know anybody. And you know, my husband wonderfully, having grown up here, has a lot of friends that are still here, but he's like, let's go out with Davis and let's have, lunch with Johnson. [00:05:02] I was like, I don't wanna do any of that, like . I'm a mom and at the time I had a 1-year-old and a 4-year-old. So you're just trying to keep, your life together in those moments of motherhood anyway. So to be in a new city, and just not know One Soul was really, I mean, just adds more challenges on top of what you're already facing. [00:05:20] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:05:20] Jeanine: So we had been here and just before I moved, a friend of mine in Detroit said, have you checked out Meetup? And I was like, no, what is this? And so she's telling me about Meetup and you can go on, you can kind of filter based on your interests and find a local community. And so I did and I found a couple moms groups that were in the Indianapolis area. [00:05:43] I found that, most of the majority of moms communities that we find really across the nation, even today, are tied to one of two things. It's churches [00:05:51] Danielle: or it's schools. [00:05:52] And we [00:05:52] Jeanine: didn't have either. I decided that that was the moment to potentially launch, my own community. [00:05:58] One that was just open to all moms across Indianapolis, that didn't have those specific kind of school or church affiliation, and we had a hundred members sign up on the first day. [00:06:09] Danielle: Whoa. I I have to pause for just a moment. Yeah. So you were seeking to meet your own need. Yes. And I find that so interesting that's really telling about you. [00:06:20] Just as a person and how you move through the world is you saw a gap for your own experience and then immediately connected it to what? Like, how do I expand this beyond me? Yes. As opposed to like, how do I find my community? How do I find my people? You're like, oh, there aren't people or communities, so I'm gonna build one. [00:06:40] That's really interesting. [00:06:42] Jeanine: Yeah. And for me it was because, I desperately needed community. I desperately was seeking that out. I had never been, shy to creating that myself in prior iterations. I was coming out of the advertising industry in Detroit and even in this really large advertising agency, had found my little corner of people. [00:07:04] At the time, had founded a tiny, I forget exactly what we called ourselves, but we were almost like our cheerleading community of the agency itself, where we started to put on little events for this large agency. And it started just because, we saw that at the workplace, it was just constant go, go, go. [00:07:21] In advertising. And there wasn't that pause to connect with, you know, your your desk mate or a team member. And so that for me, is just something that I've always loved doing. [00:07:31] But in coming to Indianapolis recognized, I also needed a community here and without kids in school, without having a church home, without even having, a neighborhood that I was close to. Just that gap existed and I realized it was something I needed to fill. [00:07:48] Danielle: Yeah. And not only did you, it sounds like fill that for yourself, but then you met a need that many other women in the community had too. Now, how did this, so was Sarah somebody that came with you from Michigan? Did you meet her here? How did that connection happen? [00:08:04] Jeanine: Yeah, so Sarah, my business partner and one of my dearest dearest, I actually met her. [00:08:08] We've known each other seven years now. [00:08:10] Danielle: Hmm. [00:08:10] Jeanine: The city moms community. And membership was running for years. [00:08:15] Danielle: Oh. [00:08:15] Jeanine: I was introduced to her, through a mutual friend. It was such a funny experience because we were at this mutual friend's house for a dinner, and immediately upon meeting her I was like, well, this is someone I obviously need to know forever. [00:08:30] She just has one of the most dynamic personalities. She's so engaging. She just pulls you right in. And she asked me a question about, a dress I was wearing. It was from anthropology. And she was like, oh yeah, I have that dress. I think I have that in black. And you're, you wearing it in like a green. [00:08:45] And I was like, boy. Yes. [00:08:47] Danielle: Yes. It's like that scene in stepbrothers, it's like 1, 2, 3 anthropology. [00:08:51] Jeanine: Yes. Exactly. [00:08:52] Danielle: Exactly. And I [00:08:53] Jeanine: was like, oh, well, we're obviously besties. Yeah. Yeah. At the time, she was in the process of, quitting her nursing job. [00:09:02] Danielle: She said, [00:09:02] Jeanine: yes, I'm really, I think my last day is going to be August 31st, and that happens to be my son's birthday. [00:09:09] And she said, I'm just, I've been working so hard, I making this change. I'm going to start my own company. And I just, I've needed this push for a long time. And I said, I am going to text or call you on August 31st and find out how it's going. And she was like, are you really? [00:09:27] And so there we are two months later. I texted her and I said, how's it going? Did you start your own company? Are you making this next move? And she was like, yes. And this is amazing that you remembered. And we just have been close ever since. So she's one of my absolute favorite people, and as the city moms has evolved, so has her role. [00:09:47] First as a member, then she was a member of our content team, which I'm sure we'll chat about here a little bit. And now she's, my business partner. [00:09:55] Danielle: Wow. That's so beautiful. I find that, women who work together, play together, raise kids alongside each other, it's like in the way that women can change hats in life. [00:10:08] They can do that within relationships. I've just seen really well, is it, I think that there's that old paradigm of which I've never really bought into, which is, check your feelings at the door or leave work at the door. It's like we're all one person. The day where we have all these different parts and that's so beautiful. [00:10:26] How. That sounds like this friendship has grown as well as the business growth. [00:10:30] Jeanine: Yes. [00:10:31] Absolutely. And, you've hinted at the Drew Barrymore Show which was an opportunity that came out in COVID complete surprise. [00:10:40] Danielle: Yeah. [00:10:40] Jeanine: To receive an email from the producers in set by, actually this was like end of July, 2021. [00:10:46] And they said, with COVID having really tampered down, a lot of the programming we're able to do for this show, we're not allowed to travel as much. We are launching a new kind of mini segment inside the show itself. We would love to chat with you about the one that we would like to do in Indianapolis. [00:11:02] We noticed that you're based there. Would you have any interest? And of course, Sarah was my first phone call because [00:11:08] I just like, ah, I need someone to scream with for a moment. Yeah. And because we had no idea or context what the segment specifically was about. And so I called and scream with her and then, immediately called the producers. [00:11:19] And they said, well, what we're looking to do is have two best friends in the city showcase the city together. And what makes your city unique? [00:11:28] Danielle: I mean, who better to do it? [00:11:30] Jeanine: And we were like, Indianapolis is such a incredible city and community to begin with. In just the 14 years that we've been here to see the growth that this area has had. [00:11:40] Just all of the changes downtown, all of these incredible like national events that they bring in, like this weekend being WNBA All Star Weekend. [00:11:49] The city has just shown up for this. They've had the final four. They've had US Olympics pre swim trials. This city knows how to put on, a really incredible display on a national level. [00:12:01] Danielle: Do you know, what you're making me think about is, so in the work I do in therapy, particularly when I'm working, with someone on their relationship, that the longer you've been with someone, or, and you could even, insert really any topic, a job, a place you live in this case, a relationship, it's easy to take for granted what you think. [00:12:23] About them and you lose access to maybe the curiosity and the wonder that allows you to continue to discover. I have lived in Indianapolis my entire life. You mentioned living here 14 years, but when I was preparing for this interview and seeing all the places that you're highlighting, there are places I have never been, and I've been here my whole entire life. [00:12:44] Just because I think I know, like this is where I live. Of course, I know there is so much that I don't know and we're talking about community and we're obviously highlighting City moms, but I think that there are takeaways that can be applied to so many walks of life, which is just when you think you know something, for sure. [00:13:02] Allow yourself a little bit more space. There's this little bit room for a little bit more wonder and curiosity. [00:13:09] Jeanine: Yeah, absolutely. I think that takes it back even to the origin of the city moms, in a big piece of that mission was I wanted to get out and explore this new city and community that we were in. [00:13:21] Just didn't have the roots quite yet to do that. And I wanted to do it alongside people [00:13:25] as opposed to on my own. And, we're talking about all these big events that the city puts on. But the other beautiful thing is that the real fabric of the city lives in its people and those that are here, we see so many that are coming in from other communities. [00:13:41] We see a lot like you that have lived here for forever. But there's such an incredible mix of people in this city that really make it as special as it is. And I love that. [00:13:51] Danielle: Thank you that's such a great response. And your love for the city is so felt. And I, I'm curious about when you're in your content, which by the way, for any, everyone listening, everything is linked in the show notes, all the social media platforms, city moms, where you can join the wait list for their membership program. [00:14:09] All of that is accessible to you in the show notes. So press pause, sign up, follow all the things and then come back. 'Cause the other thing I love about your content is you layer in a lot of humor and, even though it's not maybe spoken this way, there's this quality of, yeah, girl, I've been like, this is messy. [00:14:28] And I'm also wiping up my own mess. I also have coffee stains. I also have food in my teeth. Can we just laugh at the ridiculousness of how hard this is sometimes? And I'm curious about how intentional is it? [00:14:39] Are there like pillars that you try to hit when you put content out? Like it must hit these notes and if so, I wanna know what they are. [00:14:47] Jeanine: Yeah, we really do because I think you're absolutely right for us. And I'll just share a little bit behind the scenes for the city moms, in terms of the tone and voice that we are always after in virtually every piece of our content. [00:14:59] I think this also comes out of my marketing and advertising background, but, the voice and the tone in the brand that we are always aspiring to be. Is your best friend growing up and your best friend growing up was the person you confided everything to Similar to me, screaming at Sarah about Drew Barrymore. [00:15:18] This is the pers there's your first call, that's your first call, your first text. But your best friend's sister, her older sister growing up was the coolest girl that you ever met. She was the girl that had the full pull out posters on her wall. She had the Dr. Pepper lip smackers, she was watching the Hills, and she was the girl that you're like, I wanna be her when I grow up. [00:15:40] She's the person that is just a few steps ahead from where you are , in your current life. [00:15:45] Danielle: Yeah. [00:15:45] Jeanine: stage. And you are constantly keeping an eye on her. That voice, that older sister is the one that we always aspire our city moms brand to be. Because we have been there, we have sat in those shoes. We have experienced a lot of the mess. [00:16:00] But that doesn't mean that we are completely. Removed and away from it. It means that we are just a couple days ahead of where our city mom might be and all of our content will always ladder into that voice to say, yeah, we know it sucks 'cause we've been there. [00:16:17] For us, I think what's so critical when we're selecting what content we wanna put out, so the humor that you see in a lot of our Instagram content . Is something that really is a great way to be super relatable and just, share a lot of those similar moments. The one we posted yesterday, [00:16:33] but, in case anyone wants to go back, either the reel that we posted yesterday is from a creator named Sam, and she's sitting on her bed thinking and speaking aloud saying, why did I say that I was so busy before I had kids? What was I even doing before I was a mom? And I think all of us in motherhood and truly in adulthood [00:16:55] Danielle: mm-hmm. [00:16:56] Jeanine: Have had that moment where even like, what did I do with my time? Like, what on earth was I filling my hours with? [00:17:02] That to be able to have kind of those humorous moments, I think is really critical to making sure that we're connecting with our City mom followers and, prospective, members too. [00:17:14] Danielle: That type of humor makes you feel seen. Yes. It helps you feel seen. And I think some, especially someone who like will grab the shovel and help dig into like the pits of experience with clients, some having the levity. If there was ever a myth I wish I could bust about therapy and community, whether it's group or a community like city moms or any extension when you find that type of connection, yes, you can have like with a best friend or a best friend's older sister, you can have those moments where it may be a tear or two are shed, but when somebody sees you. [00:17:51] There's laughter that happens in every therapy session that either I've participated in my own therapy or have led somebody else through. There is something about the truth, especially the truth that you try so hard to avoid or that this is the one thing I just need to keep tucked in my drawer and never let anybody see. [00:18:07] But then you see somebody else has it and you're like, oh, , you have that dress too. Oh my God. Yes, [00:18:13] Jeanine: yes, yes. Absolutely. And I think too, what's, really critical in doing that is just knowing that you are not living a path that is completely unpaved. [00:18:25] It is so hard in. Those moments when you've had two hours of sleep. It's so hard in those moments when you're like, are we ever gonna get past this phase? But I think what brings so much comfort along the way is knowing that there are other women that have done that. [00:18:38] And for us, that's why it's so critical to have a community that is supportive of each other and really allows you to be in those vulnerable moments with others. [00:18:48] Danielle: What do you think attracts people to you and to your organization? [00:18:51] Because like anything that you're highlighting could also be Googled. Yeah. But there's a way that you offer it and there's a way that you present it that is, it simplifies. It's reliable. There's like this bubbly, sparkling champagne effervescence to it. It just makes it a little shinier. [00:19:09] Jeanine: That's such a good question. I don't, there's some days when I'm like, I have no idea. You're like, we've been doing this for so many years, what are we doing? I really think it's because, and to use your phrase, feeling seen. [00:19:20] And feeling seen and being a part of an club that is all, inclusive and allows everyone to be a part of it. Even in some of our content where we're sharing events that we might have put on for just our membership, so not even just our social media, following our, editorial readers, the people that see us and broadcast and tv, but we do have this community of members as well. [00:19:42] So when we put on these membership events, that are a little more exclusive, we love to share those out with the phrase, steal this idea, because then it becomes less, this is only available to these specific women or these specific members and make it a, this can be your idea too. So steal this idea. [00:20:02] We ordered pizza and we set up a really fun style party, or picnic set up in a park and we didn't invite kids. It was just moms and we gabbed for the entire evening and we had a blast. Yeah, and you should steal this idea too, because it doesn't need to just be ours. [00:20:19] Danielle: I can feel now how that falls. [00:20:20] So in line with your idea of, we wanna be your best friend's, big sister, because that's what they would do. Listen, just take the shirt. You can keep it. It doesn't fit me anymore. I love that. Not only is it generous, but it speaks to, I think with time and experience you realize, oh, there's always gonna be more for me. [00:20:36] So why gate keep it like there's always gonna be more. So you just have some of this. You can share some of this magic. That's so beautiful. Has your mission changed? Since you first started, has it grown or is it kind of the same? [00:20:48] Jeanine: It's evolved. I mean, initially the mission and the focus was always just to create this membership community. [00:20:55] And that would be it. And we just had this, community of women here in Indianapolis. The change happened and evolved in COVID because as everyone knows, COVID forced so many of us home. That ability to connect in person no longer existed. In COVID, we held for our membership a daily call at four o'clock on Zoom that allowed our members to just get on and just have people. [00:21:20] We had moms that were like, I've been in my backyard all day. We had moms that were like, I cannot play with Play-Doh anymore. I just need to have an adult to talk to. It started. With the realization that we couldn't be together in person any longer and we needed to make a shift. [00:21:37] And in making that shift, what we found was that our brand exploded nationally. So it went from we are moms in Indianapolis, to, we are moms that everyone across the nation can now connect with because we are all living the same life together. And it never slowed down. So when we look at the breakout of our following in our audience right now, about 30% of that is in the Midwest and very quickly growing. [00:22:03] But the other pockets are New York. Texas, California. And, it just is such an incredible realization that, what started as this very local idea became a steal. This idea, let's all do this. [00:22:17] And on a much bigger scale. So, now we have this wonderful platform. Our number one driver is certainly Instagram because that's where we, I mean, as almost all women in our age group. [00:22:30] Yeah. We live, we love it. Yeah. So Instagram's kind of our number one. A channel, I would say our second is, broadcast tv. [00:22:38] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:22:39] Jeanine: So in COVID, a lot of broadcast stations around the country, also had to shift to a Zoom model and Yep. Desperately needed content. and started reaching out to us because we provided a lot of lifestyle content. [00:22:51] The here tips for keeping your kids, safe in the new COVID world. Here are tips for planning kids being at home during back to school. And it, we grew from that and we are now in nine different TV broadcast markets around the Midwest. [00:23:04] Danielle: Wow. [00:23:05] Jeanine: In addition to segments we do across the country. [00:23:07] Danielle: Those segments. I mean, not only are they, fun to look at, but they also provide great information. So when everybody listening goes to city moms.org, you'll be able to see all the media outlets that they've been on. [00:23:19] All those clips are saved there. It's like in this beautiful little library bank that you can watch. So it sounds like it's changed, it's grown rapidly. Beyond, or I would say even within the container of the community that you've created in Indianapolis, there's also a growing community for the business itself. [00:23:35] There's many direct reports and people who are working within the city moms organization, and also supporting in other ways. So I'm curious, just from a business owner standpoint, how has that, 'cause that, as your community expanded, it's also like the call's coming from within the house, there's growth happening inside too. [00:23:53] What has that been like? [00:23:55] Jeanine: It's been incredible. , Because again, we really thought that, in initially creating this community, we were going to live as a micro kind of nano events community would probably be the best way to put it. Or we put on events for our members and we would just keep putting on events for members. [00:24:09] And we had our social channels to share out some of that information. But I thought for a long time that it was just gonna be isolated in this teeny circle. And now, we have a extremely popular blog. We have a digital editor, an entire writing staff that works under her. We have a completely female, based staff. [00:24:28] Every member on our team is female. We've got this digital editor writing staff under her. We have a content team separate from the writing staff. They are the ones that go out and gather a lot of the content that we put across social and broadcast. We have project management team for all of our brand sponsorships that we work on. [00:24:47] Our newest hire is a Pinterest expert, which has been so fun. Pinterest is one of those sleeper cells that, not a lot of emphasis gets put on for lifestyle media brands, and we've decided to invest a person in that. She does a wonderful job at getting our editorial and our broadcast out in Pinterest. [00:25:06] And then, there's Sarah and I who provide leadership Sarah has been a co-partner now for, four months, or we're going into our fourth months together. So we're still figuring out those little funnels right now. We're just having fun, overlapping, and living everything together. [00:25:21] And where she was that first call, I made for the Drew Barrymore show, she's now my first call literally for everything. We've got this big event coming up on Saturday. We need to figure out, the backdrop we're gonna have behind that. [00:25:31] She called me yesterday and I said, Hey, work wife, because that's, we've definitely become for each other in addition to Best Friends. [00:25:38] Danielle: Yeah. Is it an instinct? Is it research? Is it a combination thereof of how you stay connected with what moms really need? Yeah. Is because , I'm a mom of littles. I have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old and almost 2-year-old. He'll be two later in August. And I, I know my experience, but you seem to have a really strong sense based on the way people are really connected to this community, of staying connected with what mothers specifically really need. And I'm curious how you stay current with that, or is it more that the needs really haven't changed? [00:26:15] Jeanine: No, I think that, for us, because we have such a large staff, [00:26:20] and for the most part, the majority of those women are mothers. [00:26:24] Danielle: Yeah. [00:26:24] Jeanine: All of us are living a different little phase of motherhood. [00:26:28] I have teens, Sarah has 12, 10, and eight. Our photographer Brittany has four and two just like you. So everyone is living in a different stage and I think not only do we have each other from our team perspective but because we have our membership community who is most certainly living all of this. [00:26:47] We are able to lean on their experiences in addition to our own. [00:26:52] And then, one of the biggest things that I really implore our team to do is listen and constantly listen about what city mom and we call our avatar is city mom. And, regardless, again, if she's a member or if she's a follower of our brand and another channel, we call her city mom. So I'm always pushing to listen to city mom, listen to where city mom is right now, what things are the hurdles in her life, what she's up against. [00:27:19] And listening is the most important thing because the last thing that I wanna do in managing and running a brand and spearheading a brand is to not listen and just assume. I think when I also talk about voice, one of the biggest things that, we've talked about as a team as well, is I'm hearing a lot of we [00:27:39] and I'm not hearing enough of you. And by that I mean. We can't come out and say, we know that you're so tired. We know that you're doing all of these things and say, you're telling us that you're tired. You're telling us that you need some space or you need some tips on this. And by making that switch in kind of that voice that helps city mom understand that we are listening, [00:28:02] Danielle: Ooh. [00:28:03] That is a, that's a really powerful language shift. And it's amazing how adjusting a word from a we to a u can really make something washed and vague to very specific and like straight to the heart. I think that there's something too. The language of clarifying what is a really a we what is a you and it speaks straight to the heart of what I think we want, which is to be seen. [00:28:30] There's something about your community that doesn't beat you over the head with messaging. That's one thing that I was really impressed with , is that you get the sense of the essence of what you're saying, but there's not like a slogan. But the sense of the community is so clear. [00:28:47] Jeanine: Yeah. [00:28:47] Danielle: Which I find really beautiful. [00:28:49] Jeanine: I appreciate that. I think, one of the things that we've forever wrestled with was, is really that idea of sales. [00:28:56] I am, I and my team has heard me say this a number of times. I've always been a bigger fan of storytelling over sales and, storytelling kind of an experience as opposed to, you should buy in today. Deadline is this day, you gotta get in now, join here. This is the link. Because we get sold on almost everything across our lives. [00:29:18] And it's, something as little as, the gym to making a donation to a school, your kid's school to just, everything else you can think of under the sun. To me, it's important to continue promoting the essence of a community that you belong to as opposed to an idea that you need to buy into with dollars. [00:29:37] And, that's one of the reasons that we transformed the city moms into a completely free membership. [00:29:43] That also came out of COVID and hearing a lot of city moms say, I have to make some concessions right now. We had to shut off Netflix. We're not doing our Netflix subscription anymore because we're just so worried about budget. [00:29:56] And, that 9 99 a month that we were initially charging for membership, I was like, no. Done. That's out. [00:30:03] Danielle: Never [00:30:03] Jeanine: We will never go back to a paid membership. It will always be free because it needs to be accessible to everyone. [00:30:10] Danielle: So taking away a paid membership that sure, that money was budgeted and allocated for you to operate what you do, it sounded like it was absolutely the right call for your community and your business, but how did you know that that would work? [00:30:26] Or did you [00:30:27] Jeanine: It didn't. No. For a little bit it didn't work, and I'll say that because I think. A lot of us are parts of, Facebook communities that are very, spirited, maybe in some ways that, bring a lot of entertainment. And we were nervous that that would essentially be the transformation that we would undergo. [00:30:47] But, we have all members incoming. Agree to specific member guidelines. And, the number one guideline that is in there is every mom, parents in her own perfect way. And we use that specific language because, in some of similar to a lot of things that we've talked about, the fact is we're all doing our absolute best that we can. And you need to be able to have some space held for you to do that. [00:31:13] Rather than us identify our community based on your specific parenting model, we said, Hey, everyone is welcome here and we're going to honor you for being the parent that you are because we are all parenting in our own perfect way. [00:31:26] Danielle: Yeah. And nobody knows. Yes. No one has any, nobody knows. [00:31:31] That's always the gift of captain Hindsight, who comes in after a crisis and it's what should have happened? It's you know what studies are showing now. You're like, where were you before? I, I, so you talked about, advertising and with all of the products and content and methodologies that are targeted to parents, but more specifically moms, what are the values that you look for when you're filtering through? Who do you partner with? Who do you highlight? Who do you say yes to? Like, what's the value that you're really looking to offer? [00:32:02] Jeanine: I'm so glad you're asking that because, I think the space that we sit in. We often are, seeing a lot of influencers and content creators that they are really working hard to grow their brand and do that by signing with any partner that they can. And you find that there can be a real, I don't wanna say a moral gap because again, I'm just coming off saying everyone parents their own perfect way. [00:32:25] So everyone pulls content and creates content in their own perfect way. But, in, looking and evaluating the partners that we wanna work with, it's really critical to us that they offer a strong, supportive, product or experience for our members and for our followers. We do a lot of partnership with tourism, with attractions, that offer something for you to really be highlighted as the queen of your family. [00:32:51] 'cause you're like, Hey. We're gonna go to Nashville for the weekend, and I've been able to put together a whole itinerary, thanks to the city moms maybe tipping me off about a couple things. But now I've gone out and sourced this great itinerary, or I have been able to enhance our nursery because we found this one product that the city moms recommended. [00:33:09] All of that to say it's really important to us. We spend a lot of time vetting the products that we suggest we spend a lot of time working with or having conversations with the brands that we bring in. That's never just a, Hey, we want to, compensate you X and you guys promote us, and we'll be like, okay, perfect. [00:33:25] There's a lot of time that we spend really making sure that is going to make a lot of sense. In fact, one of my favorite things to say is, no, Sarah will tell everyone this. [00:33:33] Danielle: Tell me more about that. [00:33:34] Jeanine: Yes. Just did this yesterday. I love when we are being, approached by a particular brand or a client or prospective partner. [00:33:41] And I love going through that vetting process and saying, you know what? We spent some time looked into this and this isn't gonna work for us. Case in point, the brand I turned down yesterday is something that we actually use a lot. Sarah and I are big fans of a couple of their products. [00:33:57] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:33:58] Jeanine: And they approached us about a new launch they're doing and said, we would love to ship you, two of the new products, but we want all of this content, you need to send it to us for review. [00:34:08] You can only post on the dates that we want. You need to release it all to us that we can use it for our future advertising. By the way, the cost of the products that we're sending you in total is $300. And, the amount of media that was gonna be attached to that from our side was about $5,000. [00:34:26] We have a staff I need to pay, we have a team that, relies on us. We have a full following that relies on us to make sure that we're being authentic in what we are bringing forward. I talked to Sarah about it a little bit and I said, I'm gonna tell them no. And I'm gonna say there's a big value gap here. [00:34:41] Not just from the official bottom line kind of payment side of this, but also because I never wanna put someone into a brand consideration when that brand's not considering them. Just considering their own needs and their own drivers. [00:34:56] Danielle: Oh, that's so strong. And not an answer I expected, but when I so appreciated on a personal level, a professional level. [00:35:04] I don't know, if you've ever done Myers-Briggs, it's a test that Oh yeah. There's so many beautiful like personality assessment profiles, but I'm an extroverted, intuitive feeler perceiver, so I'm all the, ooey, gooey side, the mussies. And, when I see people who maybe from the outside seem to have a very discerning methodology for how they make decisions. [00:35:23] I find that so appealing because I'm such a heart led gut check, first kind of person, I don't always know why it's a yes or a no yet. It's like I feel it first, and then it works its way up into my brain and then whatever reasoning is sort of filtered through will come from that. [00:35:41] But I love that you saw value in yourself, how you believed in the value of what you offer, and you also saw the gap in representing that product or that brand, that didn't fully appreciate the value you were. I just, I love that answer so much. I'll be thinking about that after this, so thank you. [00:36:01] Jeanine: Yes, absolutely. [00:36:02] Danielle: Absolutely. You have a new membership experience starting. [00:36:05] We do very, very soon. This episode, I believe, will be being released mid-August, so, we could safely say it's live, what do you want people to know about what's coming and as far as what you can say, what do you want people to know so that if they wanna participate, get involved, they can. [00:36:23] Jeanine: So our new city moms membership is, officially launching to our, we will be, rolling it out to our existing members starting August 1st, and then it will be available to everyone starting, early September. [00:36:34] Danielle: Awesome. [00:36:36] Jeanine: So we are shifting into a different platform than we have used previously. It's called Circle and it's a wonderful space where we not only can have our full national city mom community, you're gonna find chat groups where you can connect with other city moms across the country there, because, me having like toddler woes in Indianapolis is no different from something having toddler woes in Seattle, Washington. [00:37:01] So why shouldn't you have access to that mom and her, lines of recommendation and such. So we'll have these national chat groups. We also have an opportunity, we'll be doing a lot of lives inside the community that are member exclusive, that we can connect you to some of these, brands and partners that we work with. [00:37:17] And then we are doing nano communities inside of that so that you can hyper connect with women inside your own city. So Indianapolis obviously will be our first big pilot there, but we have Dallas and Cincinnati that are also existing inside, that nano community area. And we have, three other cities that we think are going to be quickly following in 2026 as well. [00:37:40] Danielle: That's so incredible. Congratulations. It sounds like your own city mom social network. Yes. Yes, it totally is. I'm excited for everybody who's an existing member to get to benefit from that. And then the new members who continue to join to get involved in that. [00:37:55] That's incredible. [00:37:57] Jeanine: Thank you. Yeah, it's been one of Sarah's biggest passion projects as she's been getting her feet wet and she's done an incredible job with it. The other really exciting benefit is there are perks, not only for our national members, but then in your hyper local communities too. [00:38:11] So, here in Indianapolis, we've got some great perks with, the Ile Jordan Museum, with the Children's Museum, even dry bar, face Foundry, 'cause we need space for us too, all of those exclusive perks will be part of that too. [00:38:25] Danielle: Beautiful. So not just stuff for the family, but also like ways for moms to take care of themselves too. Exactly. Gorgeous. Yes. Well, Janine, I would be remiss if I signed off without asking you about your, don't cut your own bangs moment because I, it is good. So if you are good taking it away, I would love to hear [00:38:43] Jeanine: yeah. I just wanna tell you, I love this so much. I've listened to so many of your other podcasts and these are the moments I just feel like really are the ones that sit with me the most so I'm so thrilled that you have this as kind of just, that final vehicle to the podcast content. [00:38:59] But mine's a little different because there is, a little sadness tied to it, but it brings a great lesson. [00:39:05] Danielle: Yeah. [00:39:05] Jeanine: So I had mentioned that I worked in advertising for 10 years. I worked on the agency side and I was working in Detroit at the time. And I had a newborn. My daughter was a newborn, and then I had my son who was three years old at the time, and my client was based out of Germany. [00:39:25] It's a very large grocery chain that happens to be based in Germany and they have a lot of outputs here in the US And at the time, we were all going through just a horrible recession in the world. And I was working about 60 to 70 hours a week. Advertising is one of those, especially on agency side. [00:39:44] It's one of those industries. It is go, go, go. And it is never stopping. My husband also works in advertising. It's actually how we met. He at the time was doing about 90 hours a week. We never saw each other, we rarely saw the kids. So my day normally started around 3:00 AM because that's when the German, office was open. [00:40:03] And it normally coincided with the time I was feeding my newborn in the middle of the night. So I would have my phone with me, feeding her, scrolling through email and catching up with the German team, put her back to sleep. Then, I would get up around six when my toddler was awake and finally get the two of them off to daycare. [00:40:18] And I made the decision, which a male boss of mine later told me was selfish to go work out at a gym that was halfway between daycare and, work every day. So I didn't get into the office until around 8 45. Technically our office started at nine. I would work absolutely all day and then race out of my office at 5 51 because if I could leave at 5 51, I could literally run down the street to our parking garage, get in my car, drive as fast as I could at daycare and be there before the seven minute grace period was over. [00:40:50] Danielle: You had it down to the minute? [00:40:52] Jeanine: Down to the minute and. It was coming at a time where it was just, I was so burnt out. My husband was so burnt out this one day I got to daycare. My kids were always the final ones getting picked up. And I had a phrase for my toddler at the time where I'd always say, mommy always comes back. [00:41:11] I would say that to him every morning when I dropped him off. And I ran into daycare this day and my son was crying. I could hear him in the toddler room. So I grabbed the newborn. She was already in her carrier. And then I went in to pick him up and he's crying. And I said, honey, I'm here. [00:41:26] And I got down and gave him a hug. And I said, sweetie, what do I always say? Mommy always comes, Ooh, this makes me tear up. Even think about all this years later. And he goes Last, mommy always comes last. And that was the most soul crushing thing I had ever heard in my life. And I cried the entire way home. [00:41:47] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:41:48] Jeanine: And we put the kids down to bed after dinner and after their bath, and I turned to my husband, I said, we cannot do this anymore. I'm done. We're done. We can't keep this schedule going. This is just, this is not gonna sustain us anymore. And we made the decision that night that was the end of this work experience for us. [00:42:08] And, we immediately put resumes and feelers out and that is what made, the transition to Indianapolis possible. It took months, but we eventually found ourselves here and it was the best decision that we ever made. [00:42:21] And what it all came down to was in my don't cut your own bangs moment, was it is okay to say no. It is okay to take that stop. And is it okay to invest in yourself and your family if that's what really matters to you? I think maybe that's what the critical note is. It's okay to invest what matters to you. [00:42:39] To me, that has always been the moment that I have seen as a turning point and, has really been probably the most critical thing for me. [00:42:48] Danielle: Thank you so much for that story that my whole body, it was waves and waves went through, with that and you, when you said it earlier in the interview, but I can really feel the truth of that in a different way. [00:43:05] That you love saying no. Yeah, because I think what I hear in that is it's a fully embodied no is also a yes to something else. [00:43:17] Jeanine: Yes, [00:43:18] Danielle: it is its own. Yes. Like I'm saying no to this offer to position your brand. And I'm saying yes to my integrity. I'm saying no to the needs and the demands that this company and this industry has for me and my life. [00:43:35] And I'm saying yes to my son. Yeah, my infant, like I'm saying yes to me. Oh, I, that reminded me, I hadn't thought of this in so long, but it brought me back to when I. Made the decision to start my, when my husband and I made the decision to start to try to get pregnant, the journey was, knowing what I know now, far less complicated than it is for many. [00:44:01] But it didn't happen the way I thought it would. And that is almost always where suffering comes from me. When there's an unmet expectation and I could, you're taught your whole life. It's like if you look at a penis or sit on a toilet seat wrong you never know how you're gonna get pregnant. So when you first start trying it like, what do you mean it didn't happen right away? What do you mean? My first pregnancy I was a new-ish therapist. I think I had been practicing for, I'm gonna say two and a half, two and a half-ish years, three, maybe three. [00:44:28] But I had, the process of going back to grad school, finding I didn't have the credits I needed to even qualify to apply to the grad program. All of this work and effort. It was like once I set my sights on, I think this is something I want for myself, there was almost immediately after, oh my God. [00:44:46] But I figured that out so late in life and I gotta go, go, go, go, go. So I burnt myself to a crisp getting through all of the hoops I needed to get through to do the job. And I didn't realize the grind on my body, on my mind, on my life. I just didn't see it. I joked that it felt like the road runner and coyote running off the cliff and you didn't realize you were over the cliff until you looked down and my moment of looking down and falling was when I lost that first pregnancy. [00:45:14] And, I don't blame myself for it. It's not that. But there was a clarity in the grief and I think the grief I felt in my own body. Yeah. Your son spoke his truth to you. I felt like my body was, the grief in my body was revealing a truth to me that I wasn't willing to see, which was [00:45:36] there's no room for me in this life that I've built and I have to cut back. And it brought up like being a good girl, being a strong woman, being a strong feminist, being a diligent employee, being reliable, all of these roles and these external things that I was chasing in the pursuit of being really good at my job. [00:45:58] Mm-hmm. That loss was just, oh, actually none of this matters as much as I thought it did. Not that it doesn't matter, but it didn't matter because I thought it did and my hours cut dramatically back and it didn't work for the practice that I was working for before the hours that I would be willing to do. [00:46:18] But then I realized with my husband's support that, oh, I actually can go out on my own. And life has unfolded. It wasn't like magically overnight any more than city moms was created magically, overnight. But it got you to Indianapolis. Mm-hmm. It's like the breadcrumb trail that you were following to freedom led you to something so beautiful that you probably couldn't have imagined at that day at your son's daycare picking them up. [00:46:43] Jeanine: Absolutely. And I think, it's kind of the power of listening and that's one of the things I love so much about your podcast is being able to listen to the other stories that come from your guests and really, that you have the ability to tease out such a gift and clearly the path that you have followed has allowed you to be there too, in, that space of, [00:47:05] beauty and it's just, it's wonderful. [00:47:08] Danielle: Thank you. Thank you, Janine. Thank you so much. I'm going to bring us to a close 'cause we can't get any better. That was so, great. I will definitely encourage, again, for everybody listening to please visit the show notes before you click back into your life and take your AirPods out or, get off of your walk or wherever you are in life. [00:47:29] Like to hop over the show notes, check out city moms, follow them on social media. They make it very easy to find what you need to know, so all the places you can follow them. [00:47:37] But thank you again. Thank you. Thank you Janine. And, [00:47:40] Jeanine: Thank you so much for having me. [00:47:42] ​ [00:47:42] ​ [00:47:44] ​ [00:48:52] ​ [00:50:11] Thank you so much for joining me in this week's episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. I hope that you enjoyed listening because I thoroughly enjoyed making it. Before you hop away, please check out the show notes, everything that we mentioned here in this conversation, as well as links that you can stay connected with me. As well as everything needed to connect with city moms. Please remember to rate and review and subscribe to the podcast. It helps the podcast grow. It helps other people find this that could benefit from it too. Thank you so much for being here. [00:50:37] Your attention means the world, and I hope you continue to have a wonderful day.

In this episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' host Danielle Ireland introduces John Kippen, a resilience and empowerment coach, magician, and motivational speaker. John shares his incredible journey of overcoming a life-threatening brain tumor and how it transformed his life and career.  Throughout the episode, John discusses his healing journey, the power of vulnerability, and the importance of facing one's limiting beliefs. He also reveals the origins of his unique phrase 'impossible really means I am possible' and offers a special gift to listeners. Tune in to uncover valuable wisdom nuggets and be inspired by John's story of triumph over adversity.   00:00 Introduction to the Episode 00:40 Meet John Kippen: A Multihyphenate Talent 01:23 John's Life-Altering Diagnosis 05:46 The Surgery and Its Aftermath 08:04 The Road to Recovery 13:30 Embracing the New Normal 17:29 The Power of Truth and Magic 29:14 The Power of Magic and Connection 29:31 Introducing Treasured: A Journal for Self-Discovery 30:44 The Magic of Personal Connection 32:59 Overcoming Personal Struggles Through Magic 34:38 The Journey to Self-Acceptance 35:42 The Importance of Asking and Vulnerability 50:24 The TED Talk Experience 54:34 Final Thoughts and Encouragement   RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.   JOHN KIPPEN: https://www.ted.com/talks/john_kippen_being_different_is_my_super_power_magic_saved_my_life   https://www.johnkippen.com   DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW Website: https://danielleireland.com/ The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod?_t=ZP-8yFHmVNPKtq&_r=1 Transcript:   John Kippen Edited Interview [00:00:00] [00:00:07] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I have the great pleasure of introducing you to someone I can now call a new friend John Kippen. John is a multihyphenate. He has had quite a life and he's an excellent storyteller. So this episode you're gonna wanna buckle up. [00:00:31] It is so good. Get those AirPods in, go on your walk, get safely in your car, get ready to listen because this is just an absolutely beautiful episode. But let me tell you a little bit about John. John is a resilience and empowerment coach. He was and is the CEO of a very successful IT company. [00:00:49] He was a main stage performer at the Magic Castle in Los Angeles, so if that just gives you a little insight, is the level of his magic. He is a motivational speaker. He's a life coach, and. He has a TED talk that has received over a million views. And the heartbeat of this TED talk is how he triumphs over tragedy with a diagnosis of a tumor the size of a golf ball that is separating his brainstem and the procedure he needed to save his life, changed his life forever. [00:01:23] Doing the work of healing does not come easily to anyone, but as John so beautifully puts in this episode, if John can do it, you can do it. He's using his stories, his vulnerable and raw experiences, and talking about not only what happened to him, but how he moved through the impossible. [00:01:45] He actually coins a phrase that I love and I'm going to keep. Which is that impossible really means I am possible. So the ultimate magic trick, the ultimate illusion is what your limiting beliefs are about yourself, and how do you use facing those fears and those limiting beliefs to transform your life. [00:02:08] And in John's case, he takes that healing and offers it as a gift to us. As listeners to his clients and his coaching practice to the readers of his book, he has authored a book The Forward by None other than the Jamie Lee Curtis from all of the places. You know her most recently. The Bear where she won an Emmy, but everything everywhere, all at once. [00:02:32] She and John are buds, and she believes in him and believes in his work, and as a champion of that work, it just adds a little extra sparkle and fairy dust to the beautiful work that he's already doing to say that he's been vetted by someone who is so sparkly and magnetic and also deeply entrenched in holding space for the truth and honoring the truth. [00:02:52] This is a heartfelt episode, so what I would recommend. If you're in a place to do so is you might wanna jot some notes down because John drops some beautiful wisdom nuggets in this episode. And the book that he authored is playing The Hand You're Dealt. And what I wanna share too, we talk about it in the episode, but I wanna highlight this 'cause it's really important. [00:03:12] John is giving everyone who listens to the episode a free gift, but it is not linked in the show notes. It is only available to those of you who listen. It's a special little surprise embedded in the episode that you have to listen to find, but it is a free gift from him to you. So without further ado, get ready to sit back, relax, and enjoy the beautiful wisdom of John Kippen. [00:03:35] ​ [00:03:36] Kippen, multihyphenate resilience and empowerment, coach magician, keynote speaker, author, and all around. Nice guy. Thank you for joining me today on the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs podcast. [00:03:47] Danielle: Hollywood legend wrote the forward of his beautiful book, playing the Hand You're Dealt Forward by the one and Only Take It Away, John, Jamie [00:03:58] John: Lee Curtis. [00:03:59] Danielle: Jamie Lee Curtis. Yes. So you have to stay and listen to the entire episode because he's going to tease out a special little giveaway that will only be revealed in the audio. [00:04:10] So you gotta listen. It's not gonna be linked in the show notes, folks. So buckle up, sit down. This is gonna be a great episode with a fun gift for you, a special little dose of magic hidden inside. So, John, you, I mean, all the different fun things that we listed about what you do. You're a magician, you're a motivational speaker, you're a coach. [00:04:30] What I know doing the work I do as a therapist is the skills and trade that you're building your life on. Those were skills that they were. Hard one, like nobody chooses, in my opinion and in my experience, no one chooses to go into a helping profession that hasn't needed help in their life. It's like the, our healing becomes our medicine. [00:04:54] And I really wanna learn about not just what you offer, but your healing journey that put you in the unique position you're in to do the work you do. So, welcome and I'd love to hear from you. [00:05:05] John: So just quickly, the Reader's Digest version of my backstory. Grew up Los Angeles, middle class family, two great parents loving, no sisters or brothers, had everything I needed. [00:05:18] They sent me to a nice school and, I got into theater, started doing theater, in college. I studied theater and became the big man on campus because pretty much I grabbed every opportunity that presented itself. Started a computer company out of college. 'cause I'm a creative problem solver. [00:05:38] That's the thread that goes through everything I do in my life. [00:05:42] Mm-hmm. [00:05:42] John: I look at a problem, I say, how am I gonna solve that? [00:05:45] Mm-hmm. [00:05:46] John: And then in June of July of 2002, I was diagnosed with a four half centimeter brain tumor called an acoustic neuroma. [00:05:55] Danielle: Yes. And this was, so it was slowly severing your brainstem? Correct. [00:05:59] John: It was displacing the brainstem. Causing not only hearing issues, but dizziness upon standing or walking. [00:06:07] Mm-hmm. [00:06:08] John: I had to have something done with it. I would not have survived. [00:06:12] Mm-hmm. [00:06:14] John: And. It was a whirlwind , I went and saw the doctor who finally diagnosed it after seeing him the MRI films, and he, he had no bedside manner. [00:06:25] I remember sitting on the examining room table, right. And the, the tissue paper is crinkling under my butt. Mm-hmm. I could feel the, I could sense the temperature. I'm heightened sensitivity. [00:06:37] And he looks up at the MRI after talking to a neurosurgeon, and he turns around and says, John, you have a four and a half centimeter brain tumor. [00:06:46] It's killing you. We're operating you on Friday. You're gonna go deaf in your left ear, and there's a possibility for some facial weakness. We're gonna do everything we can to prevent that. And he left [00:07:01] Danielle: the room. So he knew, and in his own. Brash in abrupt way, essentially prepared you for the outcome and challenges that would come assuming the surgery was a success? [00:07:17] John: Yeah. He is a world renowned acoustic neuroma surgeon. He's one of the guys you go to, when you have this kind of tumor and that's all he does. Wow. But he literally left the room and I'm sitting there and I didn't bring anybody in and [00:07:31] yeah. [00:07:32] John: A tip to anyone who's potentially going in for a serious diagnosis. [00:07:36] Yeah. [00:07:37] John: Bring a friend or a family member. [00:07:39] Because it goes in one ear and out the other, you're in shock. Right. Right. When you get home and you say, wait a minute, he said that surgery gonna be four hours or 14 hours or 20. How, how long ago and you have all these questions. Yeah. And you know, getting ahold of the doctor to ask them again is just not the way our medical system works. [00:08:01] He's back to back, to back to back patients. [00:08:04] So, I checked in the night before, they did blood tests and I tried to get an hour or two sleep, 6:00 AM my clockwork the orderly came in and said, okay, get naked, get on this cold gurney. What a sheet over you and we're going take you to the operating room. [00:08:21] Danielle: I wanna pause your story for a moment. 'cause there's a couple things that I, I wanna tease out a little. So one is you, the way that you tell your story, so well probably because you've told it on stages, you've shared it with others, you've written about it. There is something about a trauma. [00:08:37] That really marks the sort of BCAD of life. And the way you shared, I felt like I was in the room with you when you were getting this bomb of news dropped on you so you were theater trained, theater kid, a creative person, a creative problem solver, and a business owner. [00:08:57] Like I, I think about that often when people are experiencing trauma. What, what was life sort of the, the illusion of normalcy. The, the, you know, the predictability of this is my life and this is my to-do list and this is my calendar. So before that moment, you were just a guy on the west coast running a business. [00:09:17] Is that right? [00:09:18] John: Very successful business. [00:09:19] Danielle: And I, I just wanna share briefly too, I haven't met too many other only children. Theater background 'cause that's me too. [00:09:30] John: Oh, really? [00:09:31] Danielle: I'm an only child and I was a theater major and started acting when I was 13, so before. But, the creative problem solver, God, my theater background has paid dividends in ways I didn't know at the time. [00:09:42] I didn't know that when I was preparing for this interview, but now that you've said that, it's like that thing that I couldn't put my finger on has clicked into place. [00:09:49] John: I love doing improv. [00:09:51] Improv is the, you know, everybody talks about being in the moment. [00:09:57] Yeah. [00:09:57] John: What does that really mean, being in the moment? [00:10:00] When you do improv, you have to be in the moment. Otherwise you fall flat. And everybody, you're doing improv looks at you going. Well, it's your turn. [00:10:10] Danielle: You've tapped in. Now you've gotta say something. How are you gonna move the story forward? [00:10:14] Exactly. I feel most alive when I'm engaged in moments like that. And I, it's, I'm not a, a adrenaline junkie, but I would say that's my high, it's the, rush of connecting with somebody like that. So you were running a very successful business. This bomb has dropped. [00:10:32] You can barely remember what you were told and what your life is likely going to be. Assuming everything goes well, what is going to happen when you wake up off your op? And how long was your operation? [00:10:46] John: 15 hours. [00:10:48] Danielle: And the surgery was a success. They were able to remove the golf ice tumor. [00:10:52] Yeah. So they removed the fall sized tumor. [00:10:54] John: I didn't have time to think, you know, I got one of my guys who worked for me told him that he was gonna be running the company for a month or two. He agreed. [00:11:05] Mm-hmm. [00:11:05] John: Had to shovel up some more money to get him to do it, but, you know, it is what it is. You do what you have to do. [00:11:11] Yeah. And then,, I just tried to think positively, hope for the best. Plan for the worst. You know, I had someone gonna stay with me the first week, make food because I just wanted to recover and I didn't know what it was gonna be like. [00:11:27] Danielle: Yeah. You're like, I just need a week to recover, and then I'm just gonna hop back into life, hopefully. [00:11:31] John: Rolling the gurney into the surgical, prep area. [00:11:35] The nurse saying, Hey John, you know, we know we have to shape after your head. You want me to do it now or after you're under. [00:11:42] Danielle: So you didn't even know that they were gonna shave your head. Well, I didn't think about it. [00:11:48] John: I mean, if I had thought about it, I got a shaved part of my head. [00:11:51] Danielle: Right. [00:11:52] John: I said to her, please. [00:11:56] Danielle: Yeah. [00:11:58] John: And so, they roll me into the operating room. You got these really bright lights, , blinding you, and you're laying there and they're like, okay, you're gonna count back toward five. [00:12:09] The next thing I know, I hear faint voices and it was like I was 30 meters deep in a pool. Struggling to get to the surface. And I remember this like it was yesterday, literally trying to swim to the service to regain consciousness. [00:12:26] And finally when I got enough, I realized that my dad was sitting on the edge of my bed holding my hand, [00:12:34] and [00:12:34] John: he was smiling at me, but I didn't see my mom. [00:12:40] So I asked my dad for my glasses and he handed me the glasses. And I remember trying to put the, and then I realized my head's bandage. [00:12:48] Danielle: Oh, right. [00:12:50] John: So I had to figure out how to get the glasses in Cockeye to get 'em on my face, right? [00:12:55] And the look on her face was one of horror. What did these butchers do to my son's face? And at that point, I didn't know my face was paralyzed. Because I have full feeling, I just can't move it. [00:13:10] Danielle: So you currently, you still have full feeling in your face. You just lost mobility, [00:13:14] John: so I didn't really understand what that look was. [00:13:18] Danielle: Right. How could you? [00:13:19] John: And then my mom handed me her compact makeup. [00:13:22] And I opened it up and I'm like, holy crap. And then, I'm still getting [00:13:30] accustomed to, the one thing I noticed is leading into surgery, I was constantly dizzy and that dizziness was gone. [00:13:38] Danielle: Wow. [00:13:39] John: And that was like, oh my God, what a relief. [00:13:42] Mm-hmm. [00:13:43] John: So the doctor finally made his way in and I was like, so when's my face gonna move? And he said, John, we were, successful. [00:13:50] The tumors removed. Right when we were close the incision, your face stopped moving. But we think it's just to do the swelling, and once the swelling goes down, your face should start moving again. So I'm like, okay. I can handle that. That's a, it's not a permanent thing. I can deal with it. [00:14:05] So I'm in the hospital a week and, they're like, when you can do three laps around the hospital floor, without a walker, we'll send you home. [00:14:16] So that became my goal. I remember getting outta bed and then they said, no, no, no. Wait for the, I said, no. The doctor said that I need to rock three laps around. [00:14:26] I want to get the hell out of here [00:14:28] Five days I got home. My dad drove me home and I sat on my couch and now I'm like, okay, I can start healing and check email here and there. And I was taking lots of naps. And then I coughed and I touched the back of my neck and it was wet. [00:14:45] Mm. [00:14:47] John: Oh, it was a spinal fluid leak on the base of the incision. [00:14:51] Whew. [00:14:53] John: So immediately I called the doctor's office and the said, oh, get your ass back here. And I went back to the hospital three times with them to redo the bandaging to try to prevent the leak. [00:15:05] Danielle: Wait, you call the hospital. Hey, their spinal fluid leaking out of my surgical incision. And they're like, yeah, you should get in a car and drive yourself to the hospital. [00:15:16] John: They didn't say how I should get to the hospital. [00:15:19] Danielle: Okay. Fair, fair. But that, [00:15:22] okay. Wow. ' [00:15:24] John: cause that's not good. [00:15:25] And there was potential for getting, spinal meningitis in that. From what I understand is one of the most extreme pains out there. [00:15:35] Okay. [00:15:35] John: I went back and forth three different times over that week. [00:15:39] They tried to, it was just as right behind my ear, right at the base of the incision. So, there was no way that they were going to be able to, put a pressure manage to keep that and so it could start healing. [00:15:51] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:15:52] John: So they finally said, all right, tomorrow you're gonna come in and we're gonna, redo the incision and pull more belly fat outta your belly to fill the hole. [00:16:01] And Yeah. This time they used staples, man, thick Frankenstein. [00:16:07] All the way up. [00:16:08] But then I'm like, I was only in the hospital for a day. And then, and I'm like, okay, I can relax. I remember getting up and brushing my teeth, you know, and I'm looking at the mirror and God, , I don't recognize that guy. [00:16:24] Yeah. And I got rid of all the mirrors in my house. [00:16:30] I didn't want a constant reminder. [00:16:33] My face was screwed up. [00:16:34] Danielle: I, there's so much specificity to what is uniquely your story. [00:16:46] Mm-hmm. [00:16:47] Danielle: But what I have found is when people. Are able to share elements of their experience. It's when you go into the specificity of what you experienced. I can see myself in so many elements of your story in my own, like when we get in deeper, it becomes somehow more accessible and universal. [00:17:16] And in that way, you're not alone, even though it happened to you and that detail about your removing the mirrors from your home. It, it brings me to something I really wanted to ask you about. You share by saying, and then also , by, actually demonstrating in your TED talk that, once you began the healing process of really addressing your depression after your operation, that, the story, it led you to magic, literally. And I also think in a more magical way, beyond performing an illusion. And I know not to call it a trick, I learned that from arrested development. [00:18:03] But, there's something you said that I wanted to quote that it's amazing how accepting kids are of the truth. You open up your TED talk, which I will link in the show notes so people can see. But that you mentioned that this in a way that your permission and your humor and your honesty, it created levity and lightness. [00:18:27] For something that would be considered maybe so precious and heavy. And what I wanna speak to, and open up a question if that's okay, is, I'm curious what your relationship with the truth is because I think humor in its highest expression is allowing us to laugh at something that we see the truth in. [00:18:49] And yet it's this razor's edge between laughing at someone or laughing at something versus inviting us to laugh at the, the human experience that we maybe don't know how to name or express in another way. But I wanna know personally for you, what your relationship is with the truth and the value of embracing it. [00:19:13] And then in your line of work as a coach, where do you see people struggle with it? [00:19:19] John: Truth is an illusion. [00:19:21] Danielle: Ooh, tell me more. That just, that was a zingy response that you popped right out. Please tell me more. [00:19:28] John: Yeah. Truth. Everybody has their own truth. [00:19:31] Danielle: Oh, well there you go. [00:19:32] John: Their own perspective, [00:19:34] Danielle: uhhuh, [00:19:35] John: And the truth is formed out of your limiting beliefs. [00:19:41] Danielle: So the truth is formed out of your limited beliefs, [00:19:44] John: your limiting beliefs. [00:19:45] Danielle: Limiting beliefs. Okay. [00:19:47] John: Yeah. [00:19:48] I just wanted to take a slight step back. [00:19:50] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:19:51] John: I told you this was gonna be the Reader's Digest version. [00:19:54] Danielle: Yes. [00:19:54] John: But it took me 12 years [00:19:57] To come out of that hiding. Wow. 12 years. [00:20:02] Danielle: How old were you when you had your operation? [00:20:05] John: 33. [00:20:06] Danielle: 33. Okay. [00:20:08] John: And fortunately for me, I could work from home. But I miss so many celebrations with friends and family. 'cause I just didn't want to have to explain it. I didn't want to have to deal with the looks, , and I tell this story on my TED Talk and in my book. You know, at a restaurant I wanted to get a burger at Tony Aroma's. And I'm sitting there by myself and in a booth, and there's a booth right in front of me and there's a family with a kid, two parents and a kid. And the kid's squirming and gets up and turns around and is now on his knees on the bench and looking at me. [00:20:44] And he gets up and he comes over and he says, Mr, what's wrong with your face? And in that moment, I didn't want to have a five or 6-year-old come over and Right. And I'm like, okay, I had the strength to come out and go to a restaurant. I have to deal with this. So I started talking to this little boy [00:21:06] Danielle: Mm. [00:21:07] John: And saying, I had a medical procedure that caused me not to with my face before I could continue his mom grabbing him [00:21:16] mm-hmm. [00:21:17] John: The arm and drug him back and said, don't bother him. The nice man, he has enough troubles already. And I couldn't leave it there. [00:21:25] Mm-hmm. [00:21:27] John: So I had to go to the little boy and I knelt down and I got eye level and I said, I love my new face because it's different. [00:21:34] It's different just like yours. And I remember it like it was yesterday, he took his fingers and he tried to distort his face to be crooked like mine. And he turned to his mom and said, look, mom, I could do that too. And then he went back to eating his meal. His question was answered. [00:21:56] He had no judgment. And his parents were like, holy crap, did we just learn a lesson? How to raise our child? [00:22:03] They whispered, thank you on their way out. [00:22:07] Danielle: But there is something I, there, there's something to that woman's response to you that really resonated with me. [00:22:14] And it also, highlights the point you made so well about the, essentially the truth being relative. Because she projected onto you what her perception of your life was. Don't bother the nice man one, she didn't know you were nice, though. You are. But she didn't know that. Right. And she also didn't know what your troubles were or weren't, and she assumed that. [00:22:39] John: But I always wonder what her motives were. [00:22:41] Danielle: Right. [00:22:42] John: was it to make me comfortable or was it to make her and her son comfortable [00:22:48] Danielle: it for her? I think so. [00:22:50] John: And that's how I took it. [00:22:51] Danielle: I remember. So I have two children and I was pregnant once before and lost that pregnancy. [00:22:57] 12 weeks in. And I haven't thought about this in a very long time, but I remember going into, a annual doctor's appointment and she saw on the chart that I was listed as pregnant and clearly now was not. And it was in her own discomfort of not, she was asking me about the baby thinking, 'cause she was not my ob, GYN it was a different type of doctor. [00:23:20] And, she caught. Oh, and then I had sort of explained to her what that meant, and then she said, well, I'm sure, you blame yourself and I want you to know it's not your fault. Like she took her discomfort and tried to turn it into, she positioned herself above as someone who knew what he was experiencing and wanted to offer me this sympathy that was, one, she was wrong. [00:23:45] I totally misplaced. Yeah. I didn't blame myself. And it, that, that moment was such an extension of her own inability to hold the moment and the discomfort of the moment, and, tried to offer it up as a gift for me, which that's, yeah. [00:24:03] John: It's your perception of how you deal with that. [00:24:06] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:24:07] John: Losing a child can be. Empowering because you know that you can try again and get a child that is not gonna have any kind of defects and is gonna have a good life. And you know whether or not you believe in God or not. [00:24:24] Danielle: Yeah. [00:24:25] John: Things happen for a reason and we don't always understand the reason for them. [00:24:30] Danielle: I don't know if it, what the reason was, but I can say a gift from that was that somebody who lived with a very active monkey mind and a lot of head trash and some anxiety in the experience of the early grief, not for very long, but there was a moment in time where my mind was quiet, not numb, but quiet. [00:24:55] And it helped me realize, oh, there's the observer within me. Then there are the different conversations that are happening in my head that aren't me, which are maybe the perceptions that I call truth sometimes I wanna bring that same question of truth, which you had an answer I was not expecting, which I love when I never see it coming, so thank you. [00:25:18] Where do you see your clients? Because you're a coach, right? You are taking your healing and offering it as medicine to people that are trying to make a connection in their own life. So where do you see people that you work with? Struggle with the truth? [00:25:36] John: Everybody's hiding from someone something in their life. [00:25:40] They have buried something so deep and it keeps them from moving forward in their lives. 'cause it erodes their self-confidence. [00:25:50] That's what I learned through my love for performing magic. [00:25:58] Going to the magic castle, sitting at a table with a paralyzed face. [00:26:03] Yeah. I'm this overweight guy with balding, balding with a paralyzed face. And I could sit at a table and have people come to me. I tell this story sometimes, that the Magic Castle is a place where you have to get dressed up to the nines, you know? And women love to get dressed up [00:26:22] Danielle: That's true. [00:26:23] John: They're wearing their best outfits, right? And all of a sudden I'd have five or six women sitting at the table, and their reactions are very guarded. [00:26:34] Hmm. [00:26:36] John: You know, they're sitting there with their legs and arms crossed. [00:26:39] Hmm [00:26:40] John: they're leaning back. They have a smile that's just more of a grin. [00:26:45] Mm-hmm. ' [00:26:47] John: cause I don't know what I'm about. Sure. They don't know if I'm gonna be inappropriate, if I'm gonna come onto them, if I'm what it is. So they have no expectations other than they're gonna see some magic. [00:26:58] Mm-hmm. [00:26:59] John: So I start my act saying, hi guys. My name is John and I'm doing magic all my life. [00:27:05] But in 2 0 2 I had a brain tumor. And when they cut over my head, they traumatized medication, nerve offense, a paralyzed face. But something happened to me on that talk table that day, Danielle. [00:27:16] Mm-hmm. [00:27:17] John: I'm not sure what it was because I was unconscious. All I know is I recovered. I realized I had acquired some new skills and I pause. [00:27:29] Yeah. And I wait for everybody to get on the edge of their seat. Like, what happened, John, what? Skills. Skills I could acquire. I'm having brain surgery. [00:27:40] Mm-hmm. I [00:27:41] John: looked to my right and I looked to my left like it's the biggest secret. [00:27:45] Lean in and I whisper in a loud voice as I am able to visualize people's thoughts. And then I do some mental magic mentalism. Love it. And what I just did was I turned my biggest challenge into a superpower. [00:28:07] Danielle: Yes, you did. And I wanna pause you because when you said that in your talk, have, have you read Elizabeth Gilbert's book, big Magic? [00:28:15] Yes. [00:28:15] Danielle: When she talks about trickster energy, I was like, John Kippen is a freaking trickster. [00:28:22] That is trickster energy that you can shift. Before someone's very eyes. It's like you are performing magic and you are performing magic. You shifted before them and you invited them, your audience to see beyond their own limiting beliefs, their own projected truth. [00:28:47] John: They were distracted. They wanted to know why it was paralyzed, but they couldn't ask, did he have a stroke? Did he have be palsy? What was the reason? So I found them being distracted when I was performing. So I got that outta way in the first two minutes. [00:29:00] Mm-hmm. [00:29:01] John: I explained why my face is paralyzed. [00:29:03] And now I treat it as the experience is now I'm able to do superhuman things. [00:29:10] And now they're like, okay, cool. So as I perform [00:29:16] I focus on the spectator. Magic happens in your mind as a spectator. [00:29:22] Danielle: Oh, I love that magic happens in your mind [00:29:26] ​ [00:29:31] If you've ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:29:51] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:30:10] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:30:29] So my hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode.​ [00:30:44] John: Magic is what you see in your mind or someone else sees in their mind. [00:30:49] Magic is that thing that immediately makes you present. [00:30:56] Danielle: Yeah. [00:30:57] John: And your, all of your sensors are now in a heightened state , whether it's a sunset or a beautiful beach or a beautiful woman or a magic trick or whatever it is, there's that sense of awe and wonder. [00:31:15] So as I would start to take each spectator, I would learn their names. [00:31:19] And I would use their names throughout the show. [00:31:22] Danielle: People love that. [00:31:23] John: People, I ask them, the one word in everybody's language that they love to hear the most is their own name . and so I use that as a way of engaging the audience. [00:31:33] They start leaning in and now they've got real smiles on their face [00:31:37] and I can literally see this wall that women in today's society are forced to put up as a self-protection mechanism. [00:31:45] Yeah. [00:31:46] John: I see this wall start to grow as they start to identify with me and they're like, I'm okay being myself. [00:31:54] And then the end of this [00:31:56] they're asking permission to hug me. [00:31:58] And , having a creative mind, I wanted to understand. What that is. What that, what was going on. [00:32:06] Danielle: You also, not only through performing magic, inviting the curiosity you could see in other people's faces into your opening act essentially, or your sleight of hand. [00:32:17] I'm gonna show you this over here so that you can not see what's coming here. Vulnerability in its purest form is magic because it's the one thing sharing the story you feel like you couldn't share. Letting somebody see the one part of you that you would never let anybody see 'cause you were so utterly convinced you would be outed or you would be cast out by exposing that vulnerability is the birthplace of true connection. [00:32:47] Yeah. Which is the ultimate magic trick. It's, it's like what they say in nightmares, if you stop and face the thing that's chasing you, it, it can't chase you anymore in the dream. And so you spent a decade, did I remember that correctly, you wanted to be a main stage performer at the Magic Castle? [00:33:06] It took you about 10 years and you did it. [00:33:08] John: I did. [00:33:09] Yeah. [00:33:09] Danielle: 10 years. [00:33:11] John: Yeah. [00:33:12] Danielle: 10 years. [00:33:13] John: It was my creative coping mechanism. I had hit rock bottom, was I suicidal? No, not really. But I was unhappy. [00:33:25] Danielle: Yeah. [00:33:26] John: I was, my girlfriend left me, and, fortunately I had a job that I could focus on. But I needed something more. And through sharing something so personal and tying magic into it and making it a positive instead of a negative [00:33:45] people are attracted to it. [00:33:49] Danielle: Yeah. Well, because you're holding fire in your hand. Yeah. You're not just saying it's possible, but you're living. You're turning it into a performance, which I think for an artist is one of the most selfless, beautiful acts. [00:34:11] John: It's what separates great artists from mediocre artists. What is he giving me to care about? [00:34:18] Danielle: I never thought about that with magic. What are they giving me to care about? [00:34:22] John: Yeah. What do I want them to think when they leave the theater? [00:34:27] Ability to put your own life in perspective. If John can, so can I. [00:34:33] That's my true message. [00:34:36] Any different is your superpower. [00:34:38] Now, my facial paralysis does not have to define me if I don't let it. [00:34:44] You know, Danielle I live my life that it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. [00:34:51] And that's bit me in the butt numerous times. [00:34:54] Danielle: I can also say the opposite, can bite you in the butt. I think I waited probably too long, many times for permission that wasn't really coming because no one can ultimately grant it. Right? Like, if there's a path you wanna carve, like the job that you built, all of the different things that you've done, there's no resume posted on LinkedIn. [00:35:15] No one's hot. Like that's an empowerment coach slash magician slash keynote speaker, slash documentarian like that. You have to get curious and still, and listen to that little voice inside and follow that curiosity to a path that may not make sense for anyone for a really long time. And I didn't do that. [00:35:40] And that can bite you in the butt too. 'cause regret's hard to hold. [00:35:42] John: Alex SBE came out on national television [00:35:45] to his fans, to the world and said, I'm scared. I am fighting the battle of my life and I'm gonna ask for everyone's good thoughts and prayers . of what I'm going through. I reached out to Nikki Trebek, Alex's daughter and I said, Nikki, I need to perform for your dad . we're having a 75th birthday party and we don't have any entertainment. [00:36:13] So if you wanna be the entertainment, and I was like. Damn. Yes. [00:36:18] Danielle: Well, yeah. I will go to his house and perform magic for him. a [00:36:22] John: restaurant, but [00:36:23] Danielle: Oh, a restaurant. Okay. [00:36:23] John: Wrote a unique magic show [00:36:25] With Jeopardy themes and the whole nine yards and he was actually at the table as one of my assistants. [00:36:33] Oh. Along with his daughter. so he was this, he needed to understand how things worked. [00:36:39] Was a genius. And so he was constantly looking at me like, wait a minute. That's not possible. Just embrace it, Alex. You're not gonna figure it out. Just enjoy it. [00:36:52] Danielle: That's awesome. [00:36:54] John: And there's, on my website, john kipp.com. There are some magic videos and there are two videos of me performing for Alex , sat with him, and I said, Alex, I need to share something with you that, when you came out so publicly about your diagnosis [00:37:10] I asked for everybody's support and love and prayers that resonated with me. I am here to give to you. You've been a part of my life and the lives of millions of people. [00:37:27] And your life's work is meaningful. [00:37:30] I just wanted to tell you that, 'cause I had a feeling that no one ever takes the time to say thank you for your life's work. [00:37:37] And he immediately started welling up. [00:37:39] Danielle: Well, anybody who makes something look easy that we do take for granted. [00:37:45] And I think that, like I appreciate so much in the telling of your story, you share not just the struggles, but the time you had a vision of yourself. On the main stage performing at the Magic Castle, like the most elusive place where magic is. And you didn't just wanna get in, you didn't just wanna get an audition, you didn't wanna just like get to per perform an illusion, like main stage. [00:38:23] You didn't just have a goal. You had the goal and you did it, but you also say that it took you 10 years. And there's usually themes that run with anxiety, about not enoughness and the crunchiness of time. There's never enough time. I'm not enough and there's not enough time. And not being worthy. [00:38:42] Yes, yes, yes. One of my main motivations when I started this podcast originally several years ago, was I was. Starting to increasingly feel, trapped in this sort of, world of before and after story. And it was no longer feeling inspirational. It was just another measuring stick for how not enough. [00:39:03] Yeah. 'Cause it, it's great to see where somebody was and where they are, but when I'm knee deep in my own struggle when I'm the caterpillar goo and the chrysalis, and I'm not the shiny butterfly, but I'm also not the caterpillar anymore. What do I do when my life is literally a shitty pile of goo this is something that most clients don't come right out and ask me like in sessions one, two, and three. But it inevitably comes well, I've been doing this for, so many months. How much longer is it gonna take? How long is it gonna take? And I just always, I appreciate when people can acknowledge. [00:39:41] The time and consistency that goes into healing [00:39:47] John: joy is in the journey. [00:39:48] Danielle: Mm. [00:39:49] John: Not in the destination. [00:39:51] And that's the thing I really focus with my clients. [00:39:55] I have clients come to me because they're holding themselves back in their life. [00:39:59] And it's my job to get that out of them by asking open-ended questions, by building a rapport, I can trust this guy. [00:40:08] Danielle: Yeah. Would you say that's your superpower as a coach? [00:40:11] John: Through my journey of reverse engineering who I am and who I wanted to become. Coming out the other side immediately understood that it's not about me. [00:40:24] Danielle: Yes. It's only true every single time. [00:40:27] John: The joy comes from helping others get that realization, [00:40:32] That they understand they are truly powerful and have a chance to shape their destiny. [00:40:40] That's why I talk about limiting beliefs. [00:40:43] And we grow up with our parents or whoever raised us, those are our belief systems. [00:40:49] And so that's what forms who you are. You stop dreaming. [00:40:54] That's what midlife crisis is all about. [00:40:58] Danielle: Yeah. [00:40:59] John: We got educated, we got a job, we built a career. We have a family. [00:41:06] Danielle: It's, I think the version of that I hear in my sessions is essentially I did everything right. Shouldn't I be feeling better than I am? Yeah. Like, I followed all the rules. I'm winning. Why does it not feel like I'm winning? Yeah. And finding our way back to that. [00:41:29] The unlearning and the unraveling. That is a, it's a process. [00:41:34] John: I'll talk to a friend. How you doing? And so many people respond automatically living the dream. But is it your dream? You're living? [00:41:46] Whose dream are you living? Because you're wasting your life by living someone else's dream. And that's why you get to that point in life where it's not enough. [00:41:58] Cause it's not your dream. You just finished the last 30 years building. [00:42:03] Danielle: Yeah. And the joy really is in the process and there's no way to enjoy the process of fulfilling the wishes of somebody else because you, what you're constantly chasing is when I get there, then the relief will come and then you're there and you're like, well, where's my pot of gold? [00:42:22] John: Yeah. I had, I spent 20 years learning how not to hide my face. [00:42:28] And what happened in March in 2020? The pandemic hit [00:42:33] now covering your face with a mask, became not only politically correct. [00:42:41] But government mandated and I'm like sitting there thinking to myself, what do I do? So I found a company who prints things on masks and I sent them a picture of my face and a picture of the lower part of my job. [00:43:01] Danielle: Trickster energy, John Kippen trickster. That's the new hyphen to your list of all of your accomplishments. [00:43:08] John: I would walk around and strangers would look at it and not understand. [00:43:12] Danielle: Right, right. But people who knew me [00:43:15] John: would do a double take. [00:43:17] Danielle: I will not hide. [00:43:19] John: Refuses to hide. [00:43:20] Even through a global pandemic. [00:43:23] Yeah. [00:43:23] John: I'm gonna live my life [00:43:25] Danielle: mm-hmm. On [00:43:26] John: my own terms. [00:43:28] Danielle: Yeah. I work too hard, too long to get free and I will not hide for you. Wow. Wow. And [00:43:37] John: when I share that story, people like, wow, John's done some soul searching. [00:43:44] Danielle: Which is why your clients come to you. [00:43:46] John: Yeah. [00:43:46] Danielle: Yeah. I unfortunately have come across many. People in the helping profession that haven't started with their first client, which is themselves. I put myself in that camp. I've talked about it on the podcast before, but I didn't start seeing a therapist until I became one, which is probably not the right order, but I didn't realize until I was sitting there trying to help people. [00:44:09] And then my own stuff was getting activated in the session. It's called Counter Transference. And, yeah, I was like, oh shit, I gotta look at the mirror. I gotta do a little more digging. But I think a, what leads a lot of people into helping professions is its desire to heal. And it sounds like in your case you did the herculean task of lifting your own self up before you said, now what can I offer you? [00:44:39] I wanna ask, just a purely curious, selfish question before we get to the very end I wanna ask. In your book playing the Hand you're Dealt how did you connect with Jamie Lee Curtis? The same way you did Alex Trebek? Did you just find someone and you DMed them and [00:44:55] John: you're like, her assistant worked for a production company [00:45:00] in a previous job. [00:45:02] Danielle: Gotcha. [00:45:02] John: That I knew. [00:45:03] When Jamie was like, I need it. So help with my computer. Her assistant said, I've got the guy for you. And I remember being at Jamie's house. [00:45:15] She knew me before my facial surgery, and after. [00:45:18] Danielle: So you have a history then? [00:45:19] John: Oh yeah. We met in 2000. [00:45:21] Danielle: Oh, okay. [00:45:22] John: So she saw me before. [00:45:24] She saw the struggle. Sure, she has two. Great kids. [00:45:29] And she adopted me as her third child. Wow. She saw the ability to help me. And so I had a filmmaker friend of mine reach out and said, John, I'd love your story. [00:45:45] I want to film a documentary on you. And I'm like, cool. So I realized I'm paying for the damn documentary. [00:45:51] Danielle: Oh. So I wanna offer you this gift, and by the way, here's the bill. [00:45:55] John: Yes, exactly. But at that point, I'm all in and I'm like, what do I have to lose? I'm a risk taker. I can afford it. [00:46:01] I've got money in the bank. [00:46:03] Let's make sure we stay on budget or close to budget, so there I am working on Jamie's computer and I'm staring at the screen and I'm summoning the courage. Ask Jamie. So I'm telling her the story. My friend Ryan's gonna direct this documentary about my life and my journey, and then I pause and I'm just staring at the screen. [00:46:23] I feel these eyes burning into the side of my head. [00:46:26] Mm-hmm. [00:46:28] John: And Jamie says, and [00:46:32] Danielle: I love that she didn't do it for you, but she made you do it. [00:46:36] John: And then at that point, I realized what the question was. I said, Jamie, will you be in my documentary? [00:46:44] And she goes, fuck yes, I will. [00:46:48] Danielle: Yeah. [00:46:49] John: She gets it. [00:46:50] Yeah. [00:46:51] John: Going through her sobriety, she wears her sobriety on her. Shoulder as a badge of honor. [00:47:00] And that is her message. [00:47:02] Yeah. [00:47:03] John: If she can get people to stop drinking by showing up for people. That's her ultimate goal in life. And so, she saw in me what I didn't see, [00:47:18] Danielle: and you asked the question. I think it's a lesson that I feel like I'm eternally playing a game of peekaboo with where I forget, and then I remember and then I forget and then I remember. But like the opportunities that you're asking for, you have to ask. [00:47:39] Yes. You have to say the thing. Right. Which is so brave and so vulnerable. But then the magic is sometimes when you ask, someone will say Yes. Now, in your case, she was essentially lovingly poking you until you, [00:47:55] John: asked. There was a point where I was debating plastic surgery. [00:48:00] Did I want to try to fix my face? Because at the end of the day, I wanted symmetry at rest. I wanted to be able to get rid of the droopiness and just, have a symmetrical base. That's all I really wanted. Sure. And because I would say, I hit my smile. And I've had friends come up and say, John, your first smile, we love your smile. [00:48:23] But I didn't love my smile. And until I, not up here, not in my head, but in my heart, accepted my smile. I couldn't move forward. I couldn't heal. And once I accepted my new smile, I found joy. I found that I could love myself. [00:48:46] And what's funny is when you get to that point, [00:48:49] yeah. [00:48:50] John: You overcome whatever that thing is that's holding you back. [00:48:53] Yeah. [00:48:54] John: And you want to share it with every person you come in contact with. [00:49:00] Danielle: Yeah. You are the love you're seeking. [00:49:02] John: Yes. Yes. And you are your acceptance. [00:49:05] Danielle: It reminds me of, something. He said in an interview, in, A New Earth, but author Eckert Tolle said that right before his essential death of the, he called it the death of his ego, but we could call it enlightenment or rebirth. [00:49:19] But he remembers the last thing he said before he went to sleep was, I can't live with myself anymore. And it wasn't about in the interpretation , of , taking one's own life . but what he realized is that he couldn't live with the self that was hating him. He couldn't live with that self. [00:49:40] And that self never woke up. But he did. [00:49:45] John: Through my journey [00:49:46] Of coming to accept myself for who I am. I immediately see others. [00:49:53] Yeah. [00:49:53] John: How they're hiding. [00:49:54] Before they recognize it. And so my coaching is all about not saying, this is why you're hiding. [00:50:03] That's what's holding you back. [00:50:06] Danielle: What you said about once you, you see somebody's wall so clearly because you understand your own so well. My less eloquent way of saying that to clients, it's once you smell bullshit, you can't unm it. It's the scent in the air and you're like, huh, what am I smelling? [00:50:23] Oh, it's bullshit. Well, John, I would love to know your, don't cut your own bang moment. [00:50:30] John: I'm backstage. There are a thousand people in the audience and I had theatrical training I had a talk memorized. It had to be 12 minutes long. [00:50:39] I'm doing a magic trick with other people that are coming up stage. I needed to control that. I got there early the morning of the TED Talk and helped the guys focus the lights so that it looked better. I'm all in. I want to shine in this TED Talk. , I remember I'm going up on stage and I'm saying, to the cherry picker operator, can I give you a hand? Because I have lighting experience. And I expected the presenter come and say, no, John, you're the actor. Go in your, the green room and there's some donuts and coffee , and we'll call you already, but you didn't. She knew that I was there to make the entire event better. And she let me do it, [00:51:18] That's awesome. [00:51:19] John: This is my first real speech. Okay, in front of a thousand people. And I knew that I had a limited time to get the audience on my side. [00:51:30] Get the audience engaged. How was I gonna be able to break their, going through their phone, talking to a neighbor, drinking, eating, snacking in a full day of speech? [00:51:41] Yeah. [00:51:43] John: So I said, I wanna go first. And everybody has said, great, but we don't, you can go first. And right before the mc went on stage to introduce me. I did a magic trick war. I turned Monopoly money into real money and then back again. [00:52:00] So as a magician, everything was possible. I turned monopoly into real money, but then I realized that's actually called counterfeiting he stays out for like seven seconds. I did that to the mc and now he just saw a miracle happen. [00:52:16] So he turns around and walks on stage beaming, and he told that story to the audience and said, Hey guys, your next speaker just did a miracle. He turned monopoly money into real money in front of my eyes. Pay attention to this cat. [00:52:37] Yeah. [00:52:38] John: So I walked on that stage. I had the love of everybody in the audience that everybody wanted to see what I was gonna do. [00:52:46] Everybody wanted to hear what I was gonna say, so I didn't have to warm up the audience. I got the mc to do it for me. Genius. And I do that every time I speak because it works but anyway, three quarters of the speech, I'm standing on my red circle and I'm delivering my talk. [00:53:08] And the front lights go out. [00:53:10] Danielle: Wait, you were three fours of the way done when they went out. [00:53:13] John: I'm standing in shadows. And my first reaction was, whoa. That Whoa. Got the lighting guy to realize, holy shit, I hit the wrong button, and he brought the lights slowly back up. [00:53:27] As the lights went back up, I went magic [00:53:32] and so I got an amazing laugh from the audience. [00:53:36] Because I cut the tension, I was doing improv. [00:53:38] I remember walking off stage and the producer of the event said, John, don't worry about, we'll edit that part out. And I said, don't you dare. That was my finest moment. Don't you dare edit that out. [00:53:54] I want that in the video. [00:53:57] She just smiled as I went back to the dressing room and sat down and then the adrenaline was like, whew. Walking out into the audience after the event and having strangers just come up to me and wanna hug me and say, holy cow, I resonate with your message. [00:54:18] And my message on the TED Talk was, treat people are different with respect to compassion. [00:54:23] That's what TED talks are all about. You want one key message and that was my message. [00:54:27] You never know, you might be in their shoes in an instant. [00:54:34] Danielle: I wanna add to that, another way to speak to the value of doing some self investigation, whether that's through journaling, through therapy, or seeking out a coach from someone like yourself is, because that expression of, treat other people the way you would wanna be treated. [00:54:53] What I know is that we don't treat ourselves all that well. A lot of us, many of us don't treat ourselves well, which is why accessing the compassion. Of treating others kindly is sometimes harder for us to find, jumping to criticism or judgment, because there's something we are rejecting in us. [00:55:13] So I think a way to do the thing you're saying , that beautiful treat others with kindness and compassion. The best way to do that is to look within. And I invite anybody listening to go to the show notes, visit John's website, seek out a coaching call, grab a copy of his book. There are resources that can help you be kinder to yourself, to lowering the walls, to lifting the veil, to seeing yourself in a new way, to performing the ultimate illusion, which is [00:55:52] to love yourself more fully exactly as you are so that we can be kinder to each other. 'cause we need that, we need a lot more kindness. [00:56:00] Thank you, John. Do we have the information we need for our listeners to get the special code? [00:56:06] John: John kipping.com. [00:56:08] Slash free gift. [00:56:11] Danielle: Ooh, you heard it here. John kipping.com/free gift. And this is only the gift for those of you who have listened this far. [00:56:20] So if you listen to the beginning and you just try to skip to the show notes, sorry. You ain't getting a gift. Thank you, John. [00:56:28] Thank you so much for joining me on this incredible episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. I hope that you love listening because I thoroughly enjoyed making it. My favorite episodes are the ones where I get to learn something too. I'm also a listener. And benefiting from the wisdom and insights of all of the experts, creatives, performers, adventurers seekers that I get an opportunity to meet in this podcast format. [00:56:56] Don't forget to check out the show notes and please before you sign off , always remember rate, review, subscribe to the podcast when you interact with the podcast. It just helps send it out like a rocket ship to other people that are looking for the same value that you are. And it also helps create a conversation where I can continue to develop and cultivate something that benefits you more and is more fun for you to listen to. Feedback is great, and also if you just wanna throw a compliment, that's sweet too. But thank you so much for being here. [00:57:26] Your intention, your time mean the absolute world to me, and I hope you continue to have an incredible day. [00:57:32] ​