Sex with Dr. Jess

We (Dr. Jess and B writing here!) sincerely appreciate you using our affiliate links and discount code DRJESSVIP — your support sustains this work and allows us to keep creating evidence-based, sex-positive resources for everyone. Thank you so very much! Sex Terms You've Never Heard: From CBT to CEI & Beyond

Do opposites attract? Are you really attracted to funny people or do you find attractive people funnier? And which type of dating couple are you? Researchers suggest that there are four types of dating couples and your type can influence whether the relationship lasts. Jess and Brandon explore these research topics in their last episode of 2023. Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 344 4 Types of Couples -- Which One Are You? [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Alright, alright. Are we ready to talk about four types of couples? [00:00:17] Brandon Ware: I'm always ready to talk about four types of couples. Which four types of couples are we talking about? [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: Four types of couples. Which one are you? It reminds me of like a quiz. What type of onion are you? [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I'm a white onion. [00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: You are a white onion. [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: Because I can only name two types of onions. [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: What's the other one? [00:00:31] Brandon Ware: Red onions. [00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: What about Vidalia? [00:00:33] Brandon Ware: I don't know what that is. [00:00:34] Jess O'Reilly: Green. [00:00:35] Brandon Ware: Sure. Green. [00:00:35] Jess O'Reilly: Yes. Spanish. [00:00:36] Brandon Ware: Okay. Listen, listen. [00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: Shallot. [00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Onion connoisseur. [00:00:41] Jess O'Reilly: I like an onion. So we'll be talking about four types of couples and some research. But before we do that, I wanted to very briefly dive into some other research and data that I've come across this week. [00:00:51] Jess O'Reilly: And we have a little announcement at the end, I guess before we dive into it, I need to shout out adamandeve. com because they've got a big, big, big sale going on. And. You can save 50 percent off almost any single item plus free shipping and rush handling with code. Dr. Jess 50, [00:01:08] Brandon Ware: Dr. Jess 50. [00:01:09] Jess O'Reilly: Go buy something that vibrates something. Okay. Question for you. [00:01:12] Brandon Ware: Yes. [00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Are funny people more attractive to you? [00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Funny people are more attractive. [00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Like, are you attracted to funny people? [00:01:18] Brandon Ware: Yes. [00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Hang on. Am I funny? [00:01:19] Brandon Ware: Hold on. Yes. You're very funny, but what, but what else is like, what's the and [00:01:24] Jess O'Reilly: well, the question is, are you attracted to humor? Or do you find attractive people funnier? [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. I'm going to just say this. So I noticed that every little joke, like every little snide remark, every little kind of anything I say, that's even a little bit funny, I noticed you really laugh at, and I'm like, this guy's my biggest fan, but [00:01:41] Brandon Ware: I'm your biggest fan. For sure. [00:01:42] Jess O'Reilly: Is it because I'm funny? Is it because you get my jokes or is it because you just like me? [00:01:46] Brandon Ware: I think it's a combination of all those things. But I also think that I don't want somebody who's. Super funny and not attractive to me.

Isle McElroy joins Jess and Brandon to talk about intimacy, vulnerability and sex -- on paper and in the flesh. An award-winning non-binary author based in New York, McElroy's latest novel People Collide is a gender-bending, body-switching story exploring marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. Isle shares personal insights on what makes for a good sex scene, how inadequacy plays out in relationships and what they've learned from rethinking sex and pleasure. To learn more about Isle McElroy, check out their social media - Instagram and Twitter And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 343 Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Hey, hey, today we're talking about sex, gender, and intimacy with Isle McElroy, an award winning non binary author based in New York, whose latest novel, People Collide, is a gender bending, body switching story about marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. [00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, and this story isn't your traditional kind of body swap, you know, thinking Freaky Fridays. So the story is... Eli, when Eli, the main character, leaves the cramped Bulgarian apartment, he shares with his wife, Elizabeth, who's more organized, more successful than he is. He discovers that he now inhabits her body. [00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: So not only have he and his wife traded bodies, but Elizabeth living as Eli, has disappeared without a trace, and what follows is Eli's search across Europe, to America, to find his missing wife, and an exploration of gender and embodied experience. As Eli comes closer to finding Elizabeth while learning to exist in her body, he begins to wonder what effect this metamorphosis will have on their relationship, and how long he can maintain the illusion of of living as someone he isn't. [00:01:17] Jess O'Reilly: And the questions, you know, are will their new marriage wither completely in each other's bodies, or is this transformation the very thing Eli and Elizabeth need for their marriage? to thrive. So I'm really looking forward to this conversation. I've been reading the book. I'm almost done. I thought I'd be done by today, but I have a lot of questions about some of the messaging and themes, and I think it's going to be a great conversation. [00:01:37] Jess O'Reilly: Now, before we welcome our guest, I'll want to announce a partnership with fellow podcasters Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women. The podcast, season two, is out now and it's hosted by Nana Darkwa Sakiyama and Malaika Grant. The podcast explores African women's experiences of sex, sexuality, [00:02:00] and pleasure and they have a host of fabulous guests in their bedroom this season. [00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: They have top sexpert Ohlone from the UK, fabulous comedienne Yvonne Orji. Feminist powerhouse, Mona Altahawe, and many, many more. And they're asking all their guests, what's your sexy secret? What's your secret, babe? [00:02:19] Brandon Ware: I can't tell you. It's a secret. That's why it's a secret. [00:02:21] Jess O'Reilly: So predictable. Okay. That and so much more in the new season of the Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women podcast out now. [00:02:30] Jess O'Reilly: Listen, wherever you get your podcasts.

What are the signs of burnout, and how do they - show up in relationships? How might the Conservation of Resources theory apply to personal relationships? And how can we use the Conservation of Resource lens to manage burnout and improve relationships? Jess & Brandon discuss these topics and more while exploring specific strategies for dealing with burnout in - the context of personal relationships. Check out the transcript below, and be sure to click here to learn more about the upcoming Temptation Cruise departing from Miami in February 2024. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 342 Managing Burnout In Relationships: Conservation of Resource Theory [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Mr. Brandon Ware, how you feeling today? [00:00:17] Brandon Ware: I'm good. I'm good. I'm a little bit tired. I'm good. [00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: A little bit worn out. [00:00:20] Brandon Ware: Just, just a touch. [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: This is what I'm hearing across the board. [00:00:23] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I hear it from a lot of people these days. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: I didn't even prep you for it. I'm like, if I ask how you're doing, I know you're going to say you're a little worn out because it seems like everybody's feeling that way. You know, I'm hearing from friends who describe their state as frozen. [00:00:36] Brandon Ware: I haven't heard frozen before. [00:00:37] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. Actually two different friends last week said that they feel frozen. Like they don't even feel like replying in our group texts. They don't even feel like talking about what's going on in the world because folks are feeling exhausted and sad. And I think there's a sense of. Hopelessness around some of the, the big issues and power and the way things are shifting and seeing how, you know, even economies are, are shifting so that it's making it harder for people to live. [00:01:05] Brandon Ware: I thought you were going to make reference to, so the feeling numbness, but also the inability to move, is that what you're saying? So it's kind of twofold. [00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Right. Cause we think about fight. Or flight, freeze is another response, fawn is another response, but we're not talking about that today. I want to talk about burnout. [00:01:21] Jess O'Reilly: So I think most folks have heard me talk about the bulk of my work is this marriage as a business program, where I take business models and adapt them to relationships for business leaders. And that's my favorite part of my job. It's super fun. And it's really interesting because it's not like every model can just be. [00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: Shifted into another realm perfectly, but I think they can be adapted and no model is perfect. No theory is perfect, especially when you're looking at, you know, for example, organizational psychology. But I was thinking that it'd be interesting to apply this to burnout today because it seems to be the theme in all the private messages I'm reading and in my friend groups right now. [00:01:51] Jess O'Reilly: And yeah, I was thinking about applying. some theories to burnout today with a lens of an organizational psychology theory, conservation of resources, which I know you're familiar [00:02:00] with. Yes, I am. Studying organizational psych. And I was thinking that we could talk briefly about si...

How do you keep things exciting amid a repetitive routine? How can adults be more playful (because playfulness is associated with happier relationships & hotter sex)? What simple changes can you implement to make your daily interactions more fun, passionate and erotic — even if you're super busy? You're not a light switch, so you likely can't get turned on in the blink of an eye. This week, to celebrate our wedding anniversary, we share 20+ specific strategies and action items you can use to make your relationship more romantic, intimate and erotic. Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 341 Eroticize Daily Interactions: 20 Actionable Tips For Busy Couple [00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, we've got a replay of one of my favorite topics, one of my favorite episodes on eroticizing daily interactions from April 2021. So you might hear some references to a totally different time. It's a time warp. [00:00:12] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:21] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I am your co host, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. [00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey. How are you? I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. I'm interested in this conversation for the two of us as well. We're going to be talking about how to make your daily interactions more erotic. [00:00:39] Jess O'Reilly: And what are you laughing at? [00:00:41] Brandon Ware: I'm immediately thinking about eating a banana. [00:00:44] Jess O'Reilly: Oh my gosh, because I, I, in my presentations, I always talk about how to eroticize daily interactions because you're not a light switch. You can't go from talking about your taxes and your work and your kids and whether or not your dog had a bowel movement on its last walk to just flipping the switch and being, Oh, hi. [00:01:03] Jess O'Reilly: Hey. Tear my clothes off. Right. Hey. And my joke is when I say. to eroticize your daily interactions. I don't mean make everything annoyingly erotic, right? I don't want to be eating a banana and have Brandon look over and be like, Oh yeah, you [00:01:21] Jess O'Reilly: eat that banana. That's what playfulness and flirtation and I don't know, all these different ways to be erotic. It doesn't have to be super sexual or graphic. So we're going to be getting into that. I mean, I guess before we do, I should ask you Do you feel like our interactions are particularly erotic? [00:01:41] Brandon Ware: I don't think that I'm an erotic person. [00:01:43] Brandon Ware: I feel very self conscious whenever I'm trying to do something that I think is erotic, whether I've seen it on, you know, TV movie somewhere, I feel like a goof doing it. So when I see people who are genuinely [00:02:00] erotic and they just exude the sex appeal, I'm, I'm like. Good on you, because when I try that, I feel like I look like a goof. [00:02:08] Jess O'Reilly: I don't know. [00:02:08] Brandon Ware: Or I sound like a goof. Hey, yeah. [00:02:11] Jess O'Reilly: No, but you are naturally charming. Like, flirtation is sort of charming. You may not be overtly sexual about it. [00:02:17] Brandon Ware: Yes. [00:02:18] Jess O'Reilly: I also wonder if you haven't had to be because people like the way you look so much.

Do you want to... Bicker less and catch yourself before you start? Stay calm and empathetic during conflict? Feel more at ease and connected so - that you're less inclined to fight? Tune in for a discussion - of why we bicker and 12 simple strategies to reduce conflict in relationships as Jess and Brandon weigh in on this listener question: "We love each other madly. He's really the love of my life, and we don't seem to have any big, deep issues because we're really aligned - on values, family, spirituality, and the core issues. But we bicker a lot. I don't like - the example we're setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace - because we both work from home." Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 340 How To Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Let's bicker. [00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Let's, what are we going to bicker over? [00:00:18] Jess O'Reilly: You splashing all over the place in the bathroom. Like you're some sort of a hippo in the tub. [00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Well, I can't help it because the sink is too small. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: Cause your head's big. [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I got a big face. Well, you know what? You make a mess sometimes. [00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: We absolutely suck. We suck at this. We're supposed to be talking about bickering today, but when you put us on the spot, listen, when we're in the middle of a bicker, we got it. [00:00:39] Brandon Ware: Things are real. [00:00:40] Jess O'Reilly: We've got it down, but to fake it seems really hard. [00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: Uh, we're going to talk about how to stop bickering and having little daily arguments today. We have a question from, uh, from a listener, and this is a question I kind of get over and over. And over again, because life can be stressful and life can be busy. And I think that's one of the big reasons we bicker. [00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: So before we dive into it, want to shout out our sponsors, Adam and Eve. com. They are offering 50 percent off almost any item plus free shipping, plus free handling, which is Brandon's favorite part with code Dr. Jess 50. So check out Adam and Eve. com. Bildos, vibrators, butt plugs, other fun things that you can use in your body. [00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Adam and Eve. com code. Dr. Jess 50. All right, let's dive right into it. [00:01:23] Brandon Ware: Let's, are we going to continue bickering or is, is this where it stops? [00:01:26] Jess O'Reilly: No, we're going to start bickering. [00:01:28] Brandon Ware: Let's do it. Yeah. Amazing. [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. So we have this note, uh, there's a bit of a preamble, but the bulk of it is we love each other madly. [00:01:35] Jess O'Reilly: He's really the love of my life. And we don't seem to have any big deep issues because we're totally aligned on values, family, spirituality, and all the core issues. But we bicker. A lot. I mean, nonstop. And I don't like the example we're setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace because we both work from home? [00:01:59] Jess O'Reilly: [00:02:00] Yeah,

Do you want to... Bicker less and catch yourself before you start? Stay calm and empathetic during conflict? Feel more at ease and connected so - that you're less inclined to fight? Tune in for a discussion - of why we bicker and 12 simple strategies to reduce conflict in relationships as Jess and Brandon weigh in on this listener question: "We love each other madly. He's really the love of my life, and we don't seem to have any big, deep issues because we're really aligned - on values, family, spirituality, and the core issues. But we bicker a lot. I don't like - the example we're setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace - because we both work from home." Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 340 How To Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Let's bicker. [00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Let's, what are we going to bicker over? [00:00:18] Jess O'Reilly: You splashing all over the place in the bathroom. Like you're some sort of a hippo in the tub. [00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Well, I can't help it because the sink is too small. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: Cause your head's big. [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I got a big face. Well, you know what? You make a mess sometimes. [00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: We absolutely suck. We suck at this. We're supposed to be talking about bickering today, but when you put us on the spot, listen, when we're in the middle of a bicker, we got it. [00:00:39] Brandon Ware: Things are real. [00:00:40] Jess O'Reilly: We've got it down, but to fake it seems really hard. [00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: Uh, we're going to talk about how to stop bickering and having little daily arguments today. We have a question from, uh, from a listener, and this is a question I kind of get over and over. And over again, because life can be stressful and life can be busy. And I think that's one of the big reasons we bicker. [00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: So before we dive into it, want to shout out our sponsors, Adam and Eve. com. They are offering 50 percent off almost any item plus free shipping, plus free handling, which is Brandon's favorite part with code Dr. Jess 50. So check out Adam and Eve. com. Bildos, vibrators, butt plugs, other fun things that you can use in your body. [00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Adam and Eve. com code. Dr. Jess 50. All right, let's dive right into it. [00:01:23] Brandon Ware: Let's, are we going to continue bickering or is, is this where it stops? [00:01:26] Jess O'Reilly: No, we're going to start bickering. [00:01:28] Brandon Ware: Let's do it. Yeah. Amazing. [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. So we have this note, uh, there's a bit of a preamble, but the bulk of it is we love each other madly. [00:01:35] Jess O'Reilly: He's really the love of my life. And we don't seem to have any big deep issues because we're totally aligned on values, family, spirituality, and all the core issues. But we bicker. A lot. I mean, nonstop. And I don't like the example we're setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace because we both work from home? [00:01:59] Jess O'Reilly: [00:02:00] Yeah,

In this Q&A, Jess and Brandon weigh in on listener queries related to "work spouses", dealing with a partner who refuses to go to therapy and "love tattoos": "My husband has a coworker who introduced herself to me as his work wife. I didn't even know how to respond. When I talked to him about it, he said she was just kidding around. I think it's inappropriate. He says it's no big deal. Who is right?" "What do you do if your partner refuses; to go to therapy - but the relationship is on the rocks? Asking for a friend." "I just turned 18, and I've been dating a guy - who is a few years older than me. He comes from money, so he's shown me a lot of things I've never seen before. It has only been a few months, and he wants me to get a matching tattoo. What should I do?" Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 339 Candid Conversations: Managing the 'Work Spouse' and Therapy Avoidance [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, how are you doing? [00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: I'm good. I can see that you're putting on a brave face. I am putting on a brave face. [00:00:26] Jess O'Reilly: You know how I know you're having a date. [00:00:29] Brandon Ware: How? What's my tell? What's my tell? Is it Terry's? [00:00:33] Jess O'Reilly: It's your, it's your left peck. It's my left peck. It's your left peck. It's that I saw the app from your ring on your phone and your stress was way up at the top. [00:00:42] Brandon Ware: So I have an Aura ring and it monitors all your vitals and they just released a stress feature. [00:00:48] Brandon Ware: I'm stressed out today. [00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, left peck going hard. [00:00:51] Brandon Ware: I feel like some people need to talk it out with somebody other than me. [00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: So I think so many of us run into this. I'm not going to obviously speak specifically about your situation. I know what's going on, but I think that sometimes you have people in your lives. [00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: Whether they be friends, or clients, or co workers, or just people in your family, who, they have their own anxiety, and they try and attenuate that anxiety through you. And I don't mean they're dumping their problems on you, but they may be actually, in your case, they are actually saying, here are my problems, fix them, even though you can't. [00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: But, They expect you to kind of jump and dance and twist and twirl around their anxiety as though their urgency is your emergency. [00:01:36] Brandon Ware: Ooh, that's a good one. I have heard that before, but their urgency is my emergency. Yes. [00:01:40] Jess O'Reilly: I think it's Luna who I first heard say that. [00:01:42] Brandon Ware: Was that Luna? Luna Matadas? [00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: It rhymes, you know. [00:01:44] Brandon Ware: It rhymes. I love that. She's a rhymer. She's a plumber. Uh, I, I would agree with that wholeheartedly, and I think once you start paying attention to that, it's easier for me to realize that, Hey, listen, this isn't my problem. This is your problem. And I want to support you. I'm going to be compassionate in [00:02:00] understand...

How do you define cheating? And how do you recover once trust has been broken? How do you deal with sexual pressure from a partner? Womanizer Premium Eco Jess and Brandon weigh in on person questions from listeners. They also share an offer from Womanizer in honour of Breast Cancer Awareness month: if you're a survivor, request your Womanizer Premium Eco by emailing info at sexwithdrjess dot com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Sex & Relationship Q&A: Cheating, Trust & Sexual Pressure Episode 338 [00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey, hey, we're back at it after a week off. Are you, are you feeling rested? [00:00:19] Brandon Ware: I feel refreshed. [00:00:20] Jess O'Reilly: You do? [00:00:21] Brandon Ware: Not at all. [00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: In 400 or so episodes, or maybe we're not quite at 400. I think we've only missed two weeks. [00:00:27] Brandon Ware: About three 50. And that's impressive that you've only missed. Two weeks. [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Is it? For me it is. For another person who's not as, uh, commitment phobic. Not that impressive, but apologies for missing last week. Not gonna get into it, but happy to, happy to be back chatting with you today, babe. Yeah, always happy to be here. [00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: We've got some questions from some listeners that, uh, I'm always kind of intrigued by and intrigued to hear what you have to say and what others think. So we do have a bit of an alternative sponsor for Breast Cancer Awareness Month as well. Uh, because cancer diagnosis and treatment have repeatedly been shown to adversely affect sexual function. [00:01:03] Jess O'Reilly: We know that, for example, 83% of breast cancer survivors meet the clinical criteria for sexual dysfunction. We know that a very small percentage actually receive supports in this area. So our sponsored womanizer has. partnered with charity, the leading research hospital in Berlin for a breast cancer clinical study on sexuality and libido for breast cancer survivors. [00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: And they already have some preliminary data in this study showing that masturbating helps with libido loss and sexual self worth in breast cancer survivors who have undergone treatment. So I am looking forward to seeing some of those. Some of those formal results once published, and Erica Hart, who is a fellow sex educator, they're an activist, a breast cancer survivor themself, they advocate for an active pleasure approach to breast cancer survivors treatment. [00:01:51] Jess O'Reilly: They are also on board as part of the project. And the reason we're bringing this up is that Womanizer, you know I'm a fan of this brand, a huge fan of their [00:02:00] technology, Womanizer is giving away. a whole lot of premium ecos. So those are their premium version of womanizers, but they're recyclable. So they're made from recyclable material. [00:02:12] Jess O'Reilly: The product itself is recyclable. It uses less packaging, all that jazz. And so if you are a survivor and you're interested in a free womanizer premium eco, just let me know. So shoot an email over to our admin over here at sexwithdrjess, it's info at sexwithdrjess. com. Just let us know you'd like one and you need to send your name and shipping address and we'll have it shipped out to you. [00:02:37] Jess O'Reilly: So if you're a breast cancer survi...

In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners' insights on threesomes and discuss couples' privilege. Check out the questionnaires below, and be sure to check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any item with FREE shipping. Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire Why do you want to have a threesome? Where did the idea of a threesome come from? How do you feel about this source? What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome? What are the perceived risks/costs? With whom would you like to have a threesome? Do you know if they're open to it? How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome? What excites you most about a threesome? What motivates you? What concerns you about a threesome? Do you have any hesitations? What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered? How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise? Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries? What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication? What does your ideal threesome entail? Consider the setting, relationships, involved parties, sex acts, etc... Threesomes: Managing Jealousy, Insecurity & Distress Am I comfortable admitting to feelings of jealousy, insecurity and distress? I tend to feel jealous/insecure/distressed when… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, it shows up in my body as…(emotional presence) When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I want to… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I can self-soothe by… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I'd like you to… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I don't want you to… You'll know when I feel jealous/insecure/distressed when I… Some other cues to look for include… Threesomes: Couples' Questionnaire Whose idea was it? Do you feel any pressure? Have you (in)directly pressured your partner? Why do you/we want to have a threesome? What do you/we hope to get out of the experience? What are my/our concerns about the experience? Have we talked about jealousy, insecurity and other potentially challenging emotions we might encounter? What would it look like if it goes well? What might it look like if something goes awry? How will we communicate and respond? What do we value in a third party? What type of person do we want to connect with? Do we want to involve a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend and/or a sex worker? Have we considered our couples' privilege and how we can ensure that all voices are heard and respected? And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 337 How To Plan A Successful Threesome drjess_10052023 [00:00:00] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. And I'm looking at Dr. Jess with a giant smile on her face. [00:00:05] Jess O'Reilly: You like that? It's a Terry Crews smile. [00:00:06] Brandon Ware: I do like that smile. [00:00:08] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. [00:00:08] Brandon Ware: Why are you so happy? [00:00:09] Jess O'Reilly: Because you walk past my laptop just now and I shut it. So you wouldn't see what was on it. [00:00:14] Brandon Ware: I, nothing shocks me. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Nothing surprises me. [00:00:16] Jess O'Reilly: It's not porn.

Most people fantasize about threesomes, but not many people - actually dive in. In part I of our Threesomes podcast, we dive into the data and get some practical advice from Justin Lehmiller - who answers your questions including: How common are threesomes? What counts as a threesome? How does a threesome affect relationships for couples? Who is having threesomes? How do people find threesomes (e.g. through apps like Feeld)? What's the appeal of threesomes? Next week, we'll dive into how to prep for a threesome with prompts, conversations and more! Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. All About Threesomes Episode 336 [00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are talking threesomes today and we are doing a throwback to a two part series with Dr. Justin Lehmiller on the doc today, because I received three questions about threesomes over the weekend and I think it's a sign. So here we go. Have a listen to this throwback with Dr. Justin Lehmiller. [00:00:27] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. [00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are talking threesomes today and it fits that today's episode is brought to you by FIELD. And FIELD is the first dating app for couples and singles. They're a pioneer in allowing couples to kind of explore dating together as a pair, and they're open to all genders, all sexual identities, [00:01:13] Jess O'Reilly: all sexual orientations from basically for anyone who's interested in either ethical non monogamy or alternative relationship structures, or simply those who are curious and looking to kind of dip their toe into the pond. So do check them out. Field is spelt feel and a D so F E E L D and you can download the field app. [00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: It's free and you create a profile. And once you have liked someone and they've liked you back on the app. You become connections and you're able to chat. And if you want to, you can share photos and they also often offer an upgraded membership option with extra features. And yeah, so do check out FIELD. [00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: They're one of the largest online communities for fun stuff like this. And it's interesting. I actually came across FIELD in my research a few years ago. when I was prepping a training for therapists on threesomes and ethical non monogamy and they really are the [00:02:00] perfect partner for this podcast because we're talking about threesomes and of course there are people on field looking for threesomes and later we're going to be talking with their expert Dr. [00:02:08] Jess O'Reilly: Justin Leigh. But before he joins us, I wanted to kind of dig into some of the data on threesomes. And later on, I also want to talk if we have time about how to prepare for a threesome, like in terms of communication and reflection and just topics to address before you start exploring. I don't know how much time we'll have. [00:02:27] Jess O'Reilly: I might have to split it into a couple episodes, but we will get there. It's interesting because when you think about. Threesomes. Don't you think porn has kind of made threesomes seem like, like they're the norm. Everybody's doing them. Yeah, I mean when

Curious about kink, spanking, ethical porn and how to have better sex? The inimitable King Noire shares his perspective of pleasure, pansexuality, performance and much more in this candid conversation with Jess & Brandon. King Noire is an accomplished and award-winning writer, porn performer, artist, Master Fetish Trainer, MC, and global activist using the proceeds of his album ‘Music Is My Weapon' to build a school, freshwater well, and medical clinic in West Africa. He raises consciousness around kink safety for people of color, provides lectures on the decolonization of sexuality, and offers sex education to audiences ranging from college students to medical providers. Check out King Noire's website here, and follow him on his social media accounts - Instagram and Twitter. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Pleasure, Spanking & Masculinity with King Noire Episode 335 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are here in Atlanta at sex down south with the King Noir. I have to read your bio before you come on. It's the boys. King Noir is an accomplished award winning writer, porn performer. Artist, master fetish trainer, MC, we're going to be playing his music, global activist who uses the proceeds of his album, Music is My Weapon, to build a school, a freshwater well, a medical clinic in West Africa. [00:00:40] Jess O'Reilly: He raises consciousness around kink safety for people of color. He provides lectures on the decolonization of sexuality and offers sex education to audiences ranging from college students to medical providers to those of us in the field. You have a big following. Thank you so much for being here. [00:00:56] King Noire: Thank you. [00:00:56] King Noire: Thank you for having me. It's good to be back. All right. [00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: So you just, you won a big award, a big award in the industry. So Urban X Awards, Pansexual Performer of the Year. [00:01:06] King Noire: Yep. [00:01:06] Jess O'Reilly: What's that mean, Pansexual Performer? [00:01:08] King Noire: Oh, shit. It's interesting because I think this might have been either one of the, either the first or one of the first years that they've actually had that as an award. [00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. [00:01:17] King Noire: So I'm honored to win it either way. I think. Pansexual as I guess as a sexuality is kind of like you fuck who you're attracted to and you don't let Gender or orientation or anything like that get in the way of you fucking who you want to fuck. I like that That's that's how I define it and then I think for the award I think the reason that I was even nominated for that award is because I do a lot of work with trans performers as well as cisgender performers, so I was extremely honored to get it cuz We putting in work. [00:01:49] King Noire: So I want, I want to be honored for that work and it feels good to be honored by, you know, Urban X's is big in the industry. So it's like people are seeing it. People are acknowledging it. And a [00:02:00] lot of times they think that, you know, black men can't do it. So that's like one of those things. That's just another arena that we're looking to. [00:02:07] King Noire: Expand people's sexual pleasure and understanding. [00:02:11] Jess O'Reilly: And pleasure is pleasure, isn't it? [00:02:12] King Noire: Facts.

  How do you cultivate deeper connection through communication? How can you summon compassion in the heat of conflict? How do you define non-violent communication? What is polyvagal theory?           Sander T. Jones joins Jess and Brandon to explore these questions and share additional concepts from their book, Cultivating Connection: A practical guide for personal and relationship growth in ethical non-monogamy.  Have a listen and follow Sander on socials: Facebook and Instagram. And to learn more check out Sander's website here Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. A Guide to Compassionate Communication Episode 334 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: here in Atlanta at sex down south. And the reason you know, we're at six down south is that I have no voice left. [00:00:21] Brandon Ware: I was going to say, you got your sexy voice going on. [00:00:23] Jess O'Reilly: Oh my dear God. And it's not from being in the dungeon. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: It's not from doing anything fun. I think it's just from dry air. [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: You should have said it was something fun. [00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: I know. I know. I wish it was something more fun, but we are having a great time. And if you've ever listened before and heard me talk about Sex Town South, I think it's the most brilliant sex conference. [00:00:39] Jess O'Reilly: It is my absolute favorite. Uh, I'm such a massive fan of Marla and Tia, the founders. Marla, of course, is the coauthor of our latest book. And, uh, among the brilliant minds who are presenting here in Atlanta, we have with us right now, Sander T. Jones, a licensed clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist. [00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: Ooh, I want to ask you about that. author. Uh, you're located in Atlanta. You have over a decade of experience and you've recently released Cultivating Connection, a practical guide for personal and relationship growth in ethical non monogamy. Thank you for chatting with us. [00:01:08] Sander T. Jones: Thank you so much for having me. [00:01:10] Sander T. Jones: It's really an honor to be on your show. [00:01:11] Jess O'Reilly: Oh, well, we're, we're so appreciative. I'm excited to learn from you. I've looked over all of the wealth of info. in your latest book, Cultivating Connection. I think it's your first book, right? It is my first book. Yes. Congrats on that. Well, first and foremost, tell us about you. [00:01:24] Jess O'Reilly: Tell us a little bit about your background, professional, personal, anything you feel like sharing. [00:01:27] Sander T. Jones: Okay. Professional background. I specialize in treating people in the ethically non monogamous communities. Also LGBTQ plus communities, kink, BDSM and leather communities and people who do voluntary sex work. [00:01:39] Sander T. Jones: Therapeutically, I specialize in treating trauma and doing relationship therapy. My personal background is one where I come from a background where I went through a lot of abuse as a child and spent a good 25 years working on myself before I became trained to be a therapist. And so a lot of what has motivated me to write a book and the future books I plan on [00:02:00] writing is that when I was young,

Couples in The Lifestyle (AKA Swingers) practice a form of ethical non-monogamy that usually involves sex play with other singles and/or couples. In this quickie episode, Jess and Brandon discuss advice from three swinger couples who share their insights for happier relationships (and, by extension, hotter sex). If you're here for the Womanizer X Lovehoney Advent Calendar, CLICK HERE, and be sure - to use code DRJESS to save. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. 3 Sex & Relationship Lessons From "Lifestyle" Couples Episode 333 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Dr. Jess, how are you feeling today? [00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: I'm feeling all right. I'm feeling good. Talk to me. Why is that? We have just disembarked the Desire Cruise, and I don't know if this was maybe number six for us in terms of Desire Cruising, but we just came off a week in Greece with one stop in Turkey. [00:00:33] Jess O'Reilly: It was a lot of fun, but it was pretty intense. [00:00:34] Brandon Ware: Yeah, it was intense. [00:00:36] Jess O'Reilly: Lots of socializing. [00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Yeah, that's an understatement. I always like to party. Oh my gosh. I can't keep up. I don't know. I gotta, I gotta tell you, I don't know how they do it. They're up at like seven in the morning and they party hard until like three in the morning. [00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Is that, is that their schedule? I don't know. I'm asleep long before [00:00:52] Brandon Ware: that. I'm, I'm, I'm impressed. [00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: But it's super friendly crowd. Oh yeah. Like it's so much fun while you're on, but then, you know, when you come off of something that's so highly social, at least me. Oh, I feel like a total drop. I just need to be quiet for a bit. [00:01:07] Jess O'Reilly: Need some time to chill. Yes. Now we are also on route to Atlanta for Sex Town South via Toronto. Very excited for this. So this is definitely a quickie episode because we just don't have a lot of time. We're stopping in Toronto overnight. So that I can feed my dad and see my mom and my stepdad. Check on my plants. [00:01:26] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, drop off my cleats to my friend's house because I'm gonna, I need her to carry them to a tournament for me in Montreal. But what for? What are you playing? We're not talking about that right now. Okay, I play Ultimate and Brandon likes to make fun of it. [00:01:39] Brandon Ware: Hope Adam's listening right now. Adam Maurer. [00:01:41] Jess O'Reilly: Oh my gosh. [00:01:42] Brandon Ware: I feel like we've bonded over this. [00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: Brandon calls it Frisbee. If I call it Frisbee, people who play Ultimate are going to get mad at me, but it's the least Ultimate. It's Ultimate. Anyhow, we have a short amount of time, so we are going to get in to three lessons that I learned from lifestyle couples on the cruise.[00:02:00] [00:02:00] Jess O'Reilly: Three lessons from swingers, basically. These couples are swingers now. Definitely not all the couples on the cruise are swingers or lifestylers. I want to say it's about 50 50. Yeah, I would, I would say so. But everybody's pretty open minded. There's a lot of, you know, playfulness. A lot of flirtation. A lot of flirtation, but not, uh, I don't know. [00:02:18] Jess O'Reilly: It feels pretty low pressu...

Happy couples from across the globe share their best advice for richer relationships. From the relational to the emotional to the sexual, the happiest couples - of all ages weigh in on what makes their relationships thrive. This episode is brought to you by Desire Cruises - a unique experience for adventurous couples! Join us as we cruise to the Greek Isles in August and the South of France next Spring 2024. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Top Relationship Tips From Happier Couples: 8 Secrets To Success Episode 332 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight. [00:00:13] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. And today we are about to head out on the desire cruise. [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: That's right. We're hitting the Greek isles. We're hitting Turkey. You're going to make a cruise sound. [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: No, I'm, I'm so much more mature than that. [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: Don't you know me better? [00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: I can see you. Yeah. Yeah. Why does your boat sound like a donkey? [00:00:34] Brandon Ware: I don't know. It just does. [00:00:35] Jess O'Reilly: If I heard that sound, I'm not getting on the boat. [00:00:37] Brandon Ware: Yeah. Okay. [00:00:37] Jess O'Reilly: So, pretty excited. This is, I don't know. Is this our sixth Desire Cruise? [00:00:41] Brandon Ware: I believe that it is. [00:00:42] Jess O'Reilly: We've been on pretty much all of them except the ones over New Year's because that's our week off. [00:00:47] Jess O'Reilly: And every time we're on board, I'm collecting information. Not necessarily... data, but people's insights and experiences because it's just such a broad range of guests here. So there are around 700 people on board. There are 44 countries represented. I don't have the breakdown of this specific cruise, but from the last one, a few months ago, from that, I know that there were of the 700, around 300 Americans, 50 Canadians, 57 Mexicans. [00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Handful from India, 16 Brazilians, another handful of Colombians, around a hundred from Europe. When I kind of look, okay, that's the UK. They've exited. I did. [00:01:29] Brandon Ware: I also did the German though, or maybe it was Austrian. [00:01:31] Jess O'Reilly: Actually UK is a big contingent. I don't know why I didn't write them down, but there's a good number from the UK. [00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: Folks from New Zealand, Singapore, South Africa, Taiwan, a nice contingent from. Central and South America. So I met Chileans, Costa Ricans, Ecuadorians, Venezuelans, a handful from Lebanon. I met a couple from Korea. And so, and there's, there's kind of a broad age range, right there. I think there might be a couple who are quite young in their twenties, but just like a handful of, let's be [00:02:00] honest, women. [00:02:00] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. I don't think there's any guys in their twenties, then a handful in their thirties, many in their forties. And then a bunch in their fifties and beyond. And so for me, there's just so much learning here because people hail from all over the world. They come on this cruise for so many different reasons. [00:02:16] Jess O'Reilly: You know, I've spoken about this before that yes, it's clothing optional in certain areas. Yes, it's erotic themed. Yes, there are very interactive workshops and there's even a playroom should you deci...

Has your partner lied to you about their finances? Have you ever hid spending (or debt) from a partner? Do you and your partner disagree about money - saving, spending, sharing, etc? Do you struggle to talk about money without fighting? What constitutes 'cheating' or financial fidelity? Jess and Brandon discuss their experience with financial infidelity and dive into why people lie about money. They also share prompts & language to help you navigate sensitive conversations related to financial values. Be sure to check out Bloomi in a Target near you, or check out their website for your Bloomi needs. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Financial Infidelity & How To Talk About Money Episode 331 [00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:13] Brandon Ware: Today, we're going to be talking about financial infidelity, [00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: talking about money, money, money, honey. Okay. Are we good at talking about money with each other? [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I think we're good about talking about some aspects of money. [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, let's start with the good. [00:00:31] Brandon Ware: I think we communicate a lot when it comes to certain investment opportunities. Oh, sure. Uh, things like that. Um, I think we're both generally on the same page in terms of how much money we have. So those are some good things. I don't know. What do you, what are your thoughts? [00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: You know, it's funny. As soon as you start talking about money, especially, You know, with others in the room with us, so to speak, it's, uh, I get uncomfortable. Like I feel uncomfortable. [00:00:56] Brandon Ware: I grew up with the understanding that talking about money was something you did not do. And it's becoming much more open now where people talk about how much money they make at work and how much money, um, I guess they, they want to have in the future and how much they currently have. [00:01:10] Brandon Ware: But I did not grow up like that. You do not talk about money. [00:01:13] Jess O'Reilly: No, and we, we do need that transparency because one, you know, exercise of power from people who do have money, who control the resources involves convincing everyone that we shouldn't talk about it so we don't know about their billions and whatnot. [00:01:27] Jess O'Reilly: But I have to admit that it's definitely not in my background to talk about it. I can talk about it in specifics when it's relevant to the conversation. Like anytime I've done business with family, we've been very open, very straightforward about the projects themselves. But not about specifics that are personal. [00:01:45] Jess O'Reilly: So I feel a little bit nervous, but we're going to get into it. So, okay. You said we're good at talking about certain things. What do we struggle with? Do you think? [00:01:53] Brandon Ware: Sometimes I think that there's a difference in terms of where we want to spend our money and how we want to spend our money. [00:02:00] Um, so that's the first thing. [00:02:00] Jess O'Reilly: You mean I want to spend it? [00:02:02] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I want to spend our money too. I don't want to hoard. I don't want to hoard my money. Okay. I do want to spend it. I want to enjoy it. I think because of my upbringing, because about, I think there's an element of shame, of guilt,

Would you rather give up sex or social media? The results from a new Canadian study may surprise you! Jess and Brandon explore new research findings and answer a listener question about bellybutton fetishes -- the what, why and how. Find Bloomi in a Target near you, or check out their website for your Bloomi needs. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Sex Q&A, Alvinophilia & Sex vs. Social Media Episode 330 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight today. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: We are going to be talking about social media. And sex. And you've got a question about belly button fetishes. [00:00:24] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, really beautiful one. Okay, have you been on social media today? [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: Of course I have. Yes. [00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: How soon after you wake up are you on social? [00:00:33] Brandon Ware: Within the hour. [00:00:34] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, that's not that soon. Yes. As soon as I get my phone, I'm like, I'm super important. Gotta scroll instagram. [00:00:41] Brandon Ware: I'm not interested in opening up right away because I know I also don't feel good when I'm on social sites. Uh, if I'm on. Instagram, like, why am I there? [00:00:51] Brandon Ware: If I'm there to, you know, to have a laugh or something like that, it's great. But what, what am I, what's the real issue? Like, why am I here? [00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: I think you're there to, uh, look at dogs. [00:01:00] Brandon Ware: Yes. [00:01:00] Jess O'Reilly: Because your entire feed is dogs. [00:01:02] Brandon Ware: If you look at my search feed, it's all dogs. And it's also people. Slipping and falling when they're surfing and like snowboarding and stuff like that. [00:01:09] Jess O'Reilly: Shall we psychoanalyze that now? [00:01:10] Brandon Ware: Yeah, really. [00:01:11] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, so I bring, I bring up social media because this new Canadian study was published and in the study they looked at 750 participants between the ages of 16 and 30. So a little younger than us. Just a little. And they found that 8. 8% would rather give up sex than give up social media. [00:01:29] Brandon Ware: Really? [00:01:30] Jess O'Reilly: It's such, that's an easy one for me, sex or social media. [00:01:32] Brandon Ware: You'd give it up. [00:01:33] Jess O'Reilly: What? [00:01:34] Brandon Ware: The sex. [00:01:34] Jess O'Reilly: No, I wouldn't. You. Would you, would you give up sex or social media? No. Like, it's not even a thought for me. [00:01:38] Brandon Ware: Not even a question. I'd, I'd give up social media in a heartbeat. I want to give up social media right now. [00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: I want to give up sex. No, just kidding. I got my fix. I'm good. [00:01:47] Brandon Ware: Yeah. [00:01:48] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. No, I, I mean, I'm on social media all the time. I definitely use it for work, but I use it for, I don't even want to say pleasure. It's just a distraction. for me, for the most part. I do a lot of learning on there. Like I [00:02:00] will say, I'm, I sit in admiration of a lot of accounts and do a lot of learning, but it's mostly just kind of random scrolling, uh, doom scrolling, as they call it. [00:02:08] Jess O'Reilly: So I would absolutely positively give up social media before sex, but. You know, I mean, still 8. 8% is a small minority, but a considerable minority.

Looking for a quick exercise to offset the potentially harmful effects of conflict? Jess & Brandon explore a 7-minute solution to support "cognitive reappraisal" as they share the details of their latest fight: the Popsicle incident. In one study, three simple 7-minute writing interventions over the course of a year were shown to improve relationship quality in newlyweds and long-term couples alike. Have a listen to learn more and give it a try yourself to improve your relationship in just 21 minutes per year. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Jess & Brandon's Latest Argument. And A 7-Minute Solution Episode 329 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Today we're going to be diving into an exercise that just brought to my attention and asked us or asked me to define or what would you say? Write out, explain our most recent argument. [00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: Yes, from a neutral perspective. So we're going to try an exercise that has been shown to lead to happier relationships, and it relates to conflict and how we view it. And so basically, Brendan and I wrote out Why are you laughing? How we view because honestly, I can't even finish a sentence because we had to describe our most recent conflict from a neutral perspective, and I think we sound ridiculous. [00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: Like speed bags. It's about popsicles. I was going to say that. The conflict is about, it's about chill pops. [00:01:00] Brandon Ware: My headline for the, for this was the popsicle fight. [00:01:04] Jess O'Reilly: Oh my gosh. [00:01:04] Brandon Ware: I'm like, oh man. [00:01:06] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, let me give you a bit of background on this exercise. So, you know, it comes from this study where researchers from four different universities were working with 120 couples over the course of two years. [00:01:14] Jess O'Reilly: So some of these couples were newlyweds and some had been married for years. And during the first year of the study, all participants, all couples were assigned to write about the most significant marital conflict they had experienced in the previous four months. So they did this three times a year, and they were also collecting info on, you know, their relationship overall. [00:01:34] Jess O'Reilly: So intimacy, trust, passion, commitment, satisfaction, and love. So that's what they did in the first year. They, three times a year, they wrote about their most significant marital conflict. After year one, the whole group was divided in two. So one group, the control group, kept doing the same activity that they did in the first year, wrote about their most significant conflict. [00:01:52] Jess O'Reilly: But the second group, did an additional writing activity that took around seven minutes on average. And so the quote, [00:02:00] each partner wrote about the conflict from the perspective of an impartial observer who wants the best for both partners. So they did this three times a year and apparently it made a really significant difference. [00:02:12] Jess O'Reilly: Just writing about the conflict from a neutral perspective, from the perspective of somebody who wants. both parties to come out on top as a team. And with just three seven minute writing exercises or interventions, they saw really interesting results. And so I'll quote to you from the lead author a...

Do you struggle with rejection? How does your response vary from the boardroom to the bedroom? Do layers of your identity affect how you deal with rejection? We surveyed our community regarding their experiences of rejection, and we shared their insights in this week's episode. We think it's a great one! Thank you to those who sent messages. We appreciate you. Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save! And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. 12 Strategies To Deal With Rejection Episode 328 [00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, Hey, we're diving into part two of rejection today. And it's, it's a throwback to follow up from last week and next week, I promise we'll be back with something brand new. Actually, it's a seven minute writing exercise to protect relationships. in the long run. And I'm actually really excited for this upcoming episode because I found my half of the exercise super useful to help reframe how I see conflict and my role in it. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: And I know Brandon hasn't done his half yet, but we'll come back next week and try the collaborative part together and see how it goes. So I'm looking forward. All right, without further ado, let's dive into rejection. Part two, [00:00:44] Jess O'Reilly: you're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:53] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. [00:00:59] Jess O'Reilly: Well, hello. Hello. I'm good, I'm good. We're going to be talking about rejection because we started talking about rejection last week by accident, sort of, and I got a lot of feedback actually on that episode and people had a lot of questions and maybe felt we didn't go as much into depth as we could have and also people shared their insights. [00:01:15] Jess O'Reilly: So today we're going to talk about how to handle rejection and potentially boost confidence and I have insights from over a dozen people who sent short messages, longer messages, uh, and all really helpful. stuff actually. [00:01:26] Brandon Ware: I feel like I did go very deep personally. [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Oh, and it was, uh, to be clear, people weren't complaining. [00:01:32] Jess O'Reilly: They just kind of wanted more of it. [00:01:33] Brandon Ware: Oh, okay. Well, I mean, rejection is something that everybody deals with. So let's do it. [00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. And last week, actually, we talked about the fact that you don't feel badly when I reject you sexually. It's when it's otherwise. Mm hmm. Yes. And that's really interesting because one of the first comments I received, and then I received a number along this theme, is around why women can say no to sex, but when a guy says no, it's absurd or crazy, and there were a bunch of other kind of descriptions there. [00:01:58] Jess O'Reilly: And it really does speak to these [00:02:00] gender double standards that are rooted in, I think, social capital around, along gender lines, right? Men are supposed to always want sex, they're supposed to be good at sex, they're supposed to take it personally if a partner doesn't want them. Um, and for women... It's a little bit different. [00:02:13] Jess O'Reilly: Now, I definitely work with a ton of women who feel pressure to have sex, especially in relationships and in marriages, but we do, we, we,

Rejection is a life skill. This week, Jess and Brandon revisit a previous conversation about how to deal with someone who pulls away without explanation. They share their own experiences, and weigh in on how to manage the "in-between" when you're not together but haven't quite split up. Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save! And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. How to Manage Rejection Part 1 Episode 327 [00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are running a repeat podcast today on the topic of rejection because it's, it's a week of rejection emails. [00:00:10] Brandon Ware: If you're going to rejection, that's my jam. I'm totally like, let's go. Let's do this. [00:00:14] Jess O'Reilly: It's your specialty, receiving rejection or rejecting others. [00:00:17] Brandon Ware: Both. [00:00:18] Jess O'Reilly: Oh, really? Okay. Uh, anyhow, we received so many questions about dealing with rejection this week. [00:00:23] Jess O'Reilly: Sometimes these things come in waves and themes and questions about rejection in and out of the bedroom. And a while back, we covered this topic. So we're going to do it again. And I'm going to share that episode with you, which is perfect for me because we are down at my family reunion. Over 60 of us, Chinese Jamaicans, Changs. [00:00:40] Brandon Ware: This is where the rejection came in. I tried so hard to talk to people, but they just kept rejecting and not listening to me. [00:00:46] Jess O'Reilly: Well, my family's on transmit, not receive. We talk more than we listen. Anyhow, we're down here. Lots of distractions, lots of food, so much chaos. So much love and I'm happy to get to enjoy it. [00:00:57] Jess O'Reilly: So without further ado, we'll throw it back to I think March 2022. Here you go. [00:01:07] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:01:16] Brandon Ware: Welcome to sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other Dr. Jess. [00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: Hello. I'm glad you've stopped making those ASMR sounds. I can do it again for everyone. It's really creepy, your tongue ASMR sounds. [00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: I like the sound. There you go. It's the look of your tongue coming out of your mouth I don't like. That's not the point. Ah, well tonight... We're having a quickie. It's the way I like it. I know. Cool brag. Cool, cool brag, bro. We're going to be talking about dating and what to do when someone pulls away. So not when they ghost you, but when they kind of back out out of nowhere. [00:01:57] Jess O'Reilly: So I did this interview. And people had sent [00:02:00] in this hodgepodge of questions. Hodgepodge? You're 90. Smorgasbord of questions about what to do when a love interest pulls back out of nowhere. So they said, for example, you're hitting it off and then all of a sudden things change. Text messages are sparser. [00:02:15] Jess O'Reilly: They used to text every day. They don't initiate contact like they used to, but they still respond to you or they're answering with like one word. Whereas they used to call and, you know, send essays, or they're saying that they're busy all of a sudden and don't have as much time, but then they come back and they're messaging you. [00:02:31] Jess O'Reilly: So basically, they're not communicating that they want to end things, but they're sort of dragging you along so you ...

A pregnant listener wants to know how to deal with hurt feelings; after her partner; interrupted a conversation to check out another woman. Jess and Brandon share their thoughts on how to deal with sensitive issues like body insecurity, affirmations and feelings of un-attractiveness during pregnancy and throughout life's transitions. Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Attraction & Body Image: Communication for Couples Episode 326 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight. [00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess, and today we are talking about body insecurity and how we respond to our partners when they make requests. [00:00:27] Brandon Ware: I mean, it sounds like it would be very simple, but [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: there's always nuance, isn't there? [00:00:31] Brandon Ware: Always. [00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. So we received a question from a woman who says she's pregnant with her third child. She's been with her partner for many years, and here's what she says. I've been entrusting him with my physical insecurities during this pregnancy, and I find it hard. [00:00:47] Jess O'Reilly: to see my body change in this way. So we were at the pool the other day, with our kids, and we were having this face to face conversation with, when suddenly, kind of mid conversation, he checks out this other woman getting out of the pool, in a very obvious way, very much in front of my face, so I'm feeling very hurt from this incident, because I've been really open about how I'm feeling about myself, and his attraction towards me, and I don't really know how to address this. [00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, why don't you go? [00:01:14] Brandon Ware: You want me to start? I mean, okay, maybe he's a dick. Whoa. Maybe. Well, I mean, maybe it was also, he noticed something. I mean, I feel like in this circumstance, you got to pay attention to your partner and their request. They're saying, I need this from you. I feel this way. And I feel like perhaps this person didn't listen. [00:01:34] Brandon Ware: Isn't heeding their advice. Yeah. Heeding like, and responding to their request. [00:01:38] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. I'm thinking about folks who are going to say like, Oh, well you're responsible for your feelings, but come on. That's not the whole picture. Right. Right. I think we also. I know we have to be considerate of other people's feelings like we're not responsible for our partner's feelings entirely that but that doesn't mean we can't hurt their feelings you know if you're mid sentence with me and you stop paying attention not just to check someone out but just period I'm gonna have some [00:02:00] feelings if you stand me up I'm gonna have some feelings if you greet me with a big smile I'm likewise gonna have some feelings in response to you right so we say oh people are responsible for their own feelings but we don't live in a in a vacuum so um You know, if I've already told you that I'm feeling out of touch, I'm feeling uncomfortable with my body, and you're ogling someone else in an obvious way, I'm probably going to have some feelings. [00:02:21] Jess O'Reilly: And it's not necessarily that your ogling is entirely responsible for them,

Have you encountered scammers while dating online or in person? We received this query from a loyal listener: "I started dating after divorce (I was married way too young at 19 years old, I'm 28 now), and I'm devastated after being scammed. He took over 20K from me, which I know is not as bad as some of the stories in the media, but it's a lot for me. The worst part is I really did love him, and now I'm nervous to even; date again. I live in a smaller town, so online is really my only option unless I want to date someone from my high school who has already dated half of my family. I'm exaggerating, but for real online dating is my only option. How do I make sure; this doesn't happen again, and also; how do I deal with the embarrassment? I've had to move home with my parents (I'm lucky we get along so well), but I haven't told anyone why." Romance scams are more common and sophisticated than you may think. According to the Federal Trade Commission in the USA, in 2022, nearly 70,000 people reported a romance scam with losses of $1.3 billion. And it's growing year over year. The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre received 1,928 reports of romance scams totalling $64,604,718 in losses, compared to 1,546 reports and $28,989,750 in losses in 2020. An estimated 5% of victims report romance scams, so this number is much higher in reality. Jess and Brandon share their perspectives on how to date with confidence and protect yourself in the changing dating landscape. Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Romance Scams & How To Date Safely Episode 325 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm Brandon, your cohost here with the lovely Dr. Jess. [00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, I'm a new woman today. [00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Why is that? [00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: Because I discovered the excitement of an electric bicycle. [00:00:27] Brandon Ware: It's, it's, it's a whole new world. [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: For the whole bike ride yesterday, I was like, this is a whole new world. Did you hear me screaming it? [00:00:35] Brandon Ware: Is it because you didn't actually ride the bike? [00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: No, so I didn't know that these electric bikes, you just touch the pedal and then they move for you. So I'm not good on a bicycle. Yeah, we know that. Yeah, like I get on a bicycle for 10 minutes and I'm in pain and I know that I need to get like my pelvic floor fixed, but I've torn my hamstrings so many times that something about sitting on a bike doesn't work for me. [00:00:57] Jess O'Reilly: Like I usually rollerblade next to my friend Mel who cycles and I have to bust my ass on blades and I have no problem with that. But the. Bicycle hurts my butt. [00:01:05] Brandon Ware: Yeah, no, it's not. My sits bones hurt today. [00:01:08] Jess O'Reilly: Until yesterday, because it's still hurt to sit on it. But anyhow, you just touch the pedal and the bike moves for you. [00:01:15] Jess O'Reilly: And I'm probably 10 years behind everybody else, but I'm super excited about this because I don't know, it opened up a whole new city to us. We were able to go way across the city and here it's, you know, traffic's so bad that it's faster on a bicycle than getting in a taxi and I think...

How does your relationship affect desire and libido? How do you rekindle connection and desire after breaking up and then reuniting? How do you rebuild trust when you get back together? In this episode, we respond to a listener question: her partner left her and then returned, and now she's dealing with low libido and painful sex. We discuss the complexities of rekindling desire, reigniting the flame and rebuilding trust. Don't forget to go back and listen to these related episodes: Painful Sex: It's Not In Your Head How To Get Your Libido Back If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save! If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript:   This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Q&A Quickie: Sexual Desire & Painful Sex Episode 324 [00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we've got a quickie episode for you, babe. How are you doing today? [00:00:19] Brandon Ware: I'm awesome. Thank you. How are you? [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: I'm good. I'm good. We are in the heat of summer. We're in Barcelona, our now second home. [00:00:27] Brandon Ware: It's hot and it's hot. [00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: I guess it's our first home now, but the streets are super packed with tourists. Of course. It's a really young city. Like, I definitely am on the, I feel like I'm on the older side here. I don't know when that happened. You wake up one day and then you're old. [00:00:43] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I mean, yes. Welcome to my world. [00:00:46] Jess O'Reilly: Young people here for a ton of music festivals, right? [00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: I feel like there's just a music festival every weekend here, and so I stumble trying, trying to be one of the cool kids. I never go to the music festival, so no. I'm like, I'm in bed before they start dinner here in Barcelona. They eat dinner at 11 o'clock at night. [00:01:01] Brandon Ware: Yeah, you gotta gotta find that early. [00:01:03] Brandon Ware: It's kinda like being in Florida. [00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: I need the senior special. Absolutely. Well, actually it's weird. It's easy to adjust to the lifestyle here, I've found, because the sun goes down at like 10 o'clock at night. [00:01:13] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I feel ridiculous when I'm wrapping up my day getting ready for bed and I can hear kids playing inside. [00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: But it's also, I find we end up going to dinner later because it's so bright out, right? Like seven and eight o'clock at night. Everything's. Alive, sort of like the Sanka set, like the um, after work thing back, back in Toronto and in North America. But I was thinking about music festivals because you see, um, every weekend there seems to be a change of attire on the streets. [00:01:40] Jess O'Reilly: Cuz I guess different festivals attract different demographics and there tends to be a look, right? Like when you think about Coachella, there's a look, I know people dress differently, but there's some thematic elements and love honey with whom I'm good friends. They did a, a survey. To find out how many people are actually having sex. [00:01:57] Jess O'Reilly: At these music festivals. Have you, have you had sex at a concert? [00:01:59] Brandon Ware: [00:02:00] No, I have not had sex. I, no,

  https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/wp-content/uploads/Dr.-Antony-Chum-Website-Promo-1.mp4   What's the difference between an ally & an accomplice? How do health risks intersect with sexual orientation? What can we do to support those who are at greater risk? Why are discussions of interracial and mixed orientation relationships essential to DEI + justice work? Dr. Antony Chum of York University joins Jess and Brandon to discuss his recent research, which explores the link between sexual orientation and self-harm -- including the finding that bisexual women are three times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual women and gay men and lesbians are twice as likely as straight folks to engage in suicide-related behaviours. They discuss both causes and solutions -- on both personal and policy levels. Sexual expression and freedom for all are essential to pleasure for each of us, so this is an essential conversation for folks of all gender identities and sexual orientations. Antony is the Canada Research Chair (tier 2) in Population Health Data Science. Drawing on the disciplines of social epidemiology, geospatial analytics, and machine learning, Antony's research investigates the social and built-environmental determinants of health and evaluate policies to build healthier cities and communities, especially for marginalized groups such as the homeless, low-income, racialized, and LGBTQ+ people. His research approach combines population health data sciences (“big data” analysis) and the application of rigorous social theories (e.g. intersectionality, social ecological theory, minority stress theory, etc.) to investigate social determinants of health and to evaluate interventions aimed at eliminating health disparities. And don't forget to follow Dr. Antony on his Twitter. Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. How to Be An Ally & Accomplice Episode 323 [00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice You Can Use Tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Hello. Hello. Good day to you. Today we are talking about a number of topics, including what it really means to be an ally, and we're gonna look at the distinction between allies and accomplices. You know, this week I just hosted a, a session. [00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: That I, I loved working with this group on healthy relationships as a key component of d e I and justice work, and it was with Com community and government reps in Southern Ontario. Uh, and I think that, you know, a big part that of d e I or justice work that's left out is just the relationship piece around interracial relationships, mixed orientation relationships, and. [00:00:47] Jess O'Reilly: Brandon and I of course have talked about our personal experience, but the leaving out of these topics, their absence, I think is at a huge cost. So we're gonna get into that shortly. Quick reminder, since we're on the topic, we have an old podcast on our interracial and our mixed orientation relationship where we talk a little bit, well, really I talk about my needs and Brandon Ways in. [00:01:08] Jess O'Reilly: So if you can go back, uh, and have a listen to that one and please share. It's a few years old, but, uh, but still relevant. So we're gonna dive into that. But we're all. Also going to be talking about a really important study out of York University,

Why do we develop fetishes and kinks like heirophilia and small penis humiliation? How do you tell a partner about a specific desire, fantasy or kink? What are the costs of not opening up about a kink or fetish? If you're into something and they're not, how can you bridge the gap? Carli DeVille, the ultimate guide to all things tantalizing and titillating, joins us to answer these questions are much more. As a sexologist, licensed psychotherapist, and relationship coach, Carli specializes in kinks, fetishes, sissification, and domination training. With their unapologetically flirty approach and extensive expertise, they help individuals and couples navigate their deepest desires and embrace their naughty side. Carli's passion for empowering others to celebrate their sexuality shines through in their role as the captivating host of the Naughtylicious Sex Podcast. Here, they delve into sizzling topics, address intriguing intimacy issues, and ignite open conversations about everything from the everyday to the forbidden. When they're not offering sex coaching or hosting their podcast - Carli can be found captivating their YouTube audience with their magnetic personality and salacious advice. Whether it's discussing the latest sex trends or providing guidance on spicing up your love life, Carli's wit and charm keep viewers coming back for more. As your guide to unlocking hidden pleasures and unleashing your inner vixen, Carli DeVille is the perfect companion on your journey to a more passionate, fulfilling, and deliciously naughty life. No question is too naughty; and no fantasy is too wild for this audacious expert. So go ahead, dare to explore, and let Carli show you the way with their irresistible wit, charm, and naughty sense of humor. Follow Carli online, on YouTube, and on the Naughtylicious Podcast (Apple Podcast or Spotify). Also, be sure to check out their brand new book. This episode is brought to you by Desire Cruises - a unique experience for adventurous couples! Join us as we cruise to the Greek Isles in August and the South of France next Spring 2024. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. How to Explore Kinks & Fetishes Episode 322 [00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you Can Use Tonight. [00:00:13] Jess O'Reilly: Today we are talking kinks and fetishes, and this is gonna be a good one. We've talked about kinks and fetishes before, and just as a brief, Brief recap. Kink generally refers to anything unconventional, which of course, you know what's unconventional for me may not be unconventional to you. [00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: It might be your regular Monday afternoon routine. And fetishism different than kink generally refers to an actual need for a specific act or object to be present in order to experience arousal and satisfaction. So again, kink is more of a preference, and then fetishism tends to be more of a strong, strong preference or need. [00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: And here to help us break it down. We have sexologist and psychotherapist, Carly Deville, host of the Naughty Licious Sex podcast, and author of a book by the same name, Naty Licious. And first and foremost, tell us all about your brand new book. [00:01:04] Carli DeVille: Oh, hello. So good to be back. So my book, it's actually kind of like a hybrid. [00:01:11] Carli DeVille: It's a book. But more importantly, it's a game. So what I kind of did was, you know,

When is it okay to pass gas in front of a new partner? Is it ever okay to snoop in their messages? Should you ask about their past? When should you introduce kids to a new partner? We don't have their answers, but we share our imperfect thoughts on your "when is it okay to...?" questions. Get 15% off with by using the Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Q&A Quickie: Passing Gas, Snooping & Ex-Lovers Episode 321 You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon here with my Love. The other half, Dr. Jess. [00:00:20] Jess O'Reilly: Hey. Hey, today's a quickie. [00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Yeah, I love quickies. [00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: You do love a quickie. Just get it over, wham. Bam. Thank you, ma'am. [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: Yeah, just when there's time constraints, I'm down. [00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: All right. So we are, we're on the road this week, so we're gonna keep it kind of short, but I think it's an interesting topic. I've been trying to kind of group together some of the questions that come in for the podcast thematically, and today is about timing. [00:00:41] Jess O'Reilly: Relationship milestones. So when is it okay to fart in front of your partner? When is it okay to introduce kids to a new partner? When is it okay to snoop on your partner's phone, et cetera, et cetera. I'm sure you have some thoughts on those. I do. Uh, but before we dive into that, I wanted to quickly talk about a study that's sort of relevant, not sort of extremely relevant to you and me, and, uh, let's make it about us. [00:01:06] Jess O'Reilly: This is a study outta Michigan that found that one in five adults do not plan on ever having children. [00:01:13] Brandon Ware: I found that number very high initially when you said it to me. 20% seems a lot higher than I I, I think the general population, but again, this is representative of the entire. Us? [00:01:24] Jess O'Reilly: Well, yeah, [00:01:24] Brandon Ware: that it's a sample. [00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: So this is a sample out of Michigan. But what they said in the study is that the, it's a state whose population is representative of the US more generally in terms of demographics. So it's a, it's a, it's a good sample and so they consider it nationally representative and 20% not having kids. Now, that sounds really high, but if you look around us, especially in our closest friend circle, so many of us don't have kids. [00:01:50] Brandon Ware: I mean, I, I, the last studies in Canada that I read, I think our birth rate was neutral. Without immigration, we would be alright. It might actually be negative, but I think we'd be [00:02:00] du our country would be shrinking. [00:02:01] Jess O'Reilly: Shrinking. Yeah. And our land is just like massive. We need some people. Well, we're bringing a lot, which is great. We need people to come in and, uh, yeah. Cuz you know, jerks like us aren't having kids. [00:02:11] Brandon Ware: Yeah. Yeah. [00:02:12] Jess O'Reilly: It's interesting because this is a huge topic and we're not gonna, you know, spend forever on it. Maybe we can do a full episode on it. But there definitely, for me as a woman, I do think I'm seen as selfish for not having kids. I don't know if you, you probably don't get that as a dude. I don't know.

What are swallowing disorders? Who can benefit from the support of a Swallowologist? Can you learn to control your gag reflex? What do therapists need to learn from SLPs? Scientist and professor; Dr. Ianessa Humbert joins Jess and Brandon to address these questions and more. Dr.Humbert has been on faculty at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, the University of Florida, and the University of Iowa. She has also co-founded a range of online learning tools including STEP (Swallowing Training and Education Portal), lovingly known as Swallowing Netflix. The content from Dr. Humbert's courses are supported by scientific evidence from her laboratory, from the larger body of research literature, and of course, common sense! Follow along and learn more about her work on Instagram and Twitter. Get 15% off with by using the Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Swallowing, Gag Reflexes & SLPs Episode 320 [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: Happy to be back on solid ground. I bet you are. Yeah. The, the world is still moving for me. After getting off the cruise, [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: how long does that last for you? [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: For most people, it lasts like a day or two for me, I'm, I'm still going in, I, I don't know if it's because I feel like I'm swaying back and forth gently, like I'm still on the boat, but also just spending a week with so many happy couples. On the desire cruise. I just can't stop reflecting on all the lessons, all the conversations. [00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: It's kind of interesting, right? Rather than having, you know, intense sessions with individuals or individual couples. You talk to so many people over breakfast, lunch, dinner, walks in the port, and the big lesson, my big takeaway, and I've been posting about this on Instagram with more specificity. My big takeaway from the whole cruise and all these couples is do not wait. [00:01:10] Jess O'Reilly: Like act now in your relationships, but also in life. If you're unhappy, don't assume that things will get better. Don't leave it the first sign, but also don't stick around or stay quiet because what, what we're hearing is, you know, you'll blink and 2, 4, 10, 20 years pass you by. And on the flip side, you know, kind of off the cruise from other people. [00:01:31] Jess O'Reilly: I'm hearing from so many people right now who are. Unhappy in their relationships. I mean, to the point that they're down so much of the time, like they can't focus on work because they're preoccupied with conflict or hurt or stress or betrayal in their relationships. And what I'm really saying seeing is that they don't wanna face it. [00:01:49] Jess O'Reilly: You know? So they focus on their kids instead, and there's an avoidance. They're really not ready for either the tough conversations or in many cases, the tough decision, right? [00:02:00] This is what I'm seeing. So the decision is, do I wanna stay? Partners, like life partners with someone who isn't a fit for me or whose behavior causes me ongoing distress for months, for years. [00:02:11] Jess O'Reilly: Do I wanna say with someone who cheats or someone who refuses to have sex or even talk about it...

Curious about anal pleasure and rimming? Luna Matatas has you covered. She shares tips for oral, seduction, confidence and more. Luna Matatas is a Sex and Pleasure Educator with over 15 years of experience teaching sex and empowerment workshops. She celebrates body confidence, self-adoration and building shame-free pleasure in and out of the bedroom. She teaches 30+ sexy skills topics - including threesomes, BDSM and sexual confidence. She created Peg the Patriarchy® and Meditate Medicate Masturbate® brands as part of her sex-positive and feminist merchandise. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Backdoor Pleasure with Luna Matatas Episode 319 [00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship Advice you Can Use Tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: I love Zeik belt. It's a belt zk accent is not good. So I am trying, you know, the bird, the hair on the chin is, uh, It's a build of z [00:00:27] Jess O'Reilly: dicks. If you try and order an oat milk latte in Paris, what do they say? [00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: No, [00:00:33] Brandon Ware: no milk. The animal with the tea, [00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: if it eat from a tea, it's not milk. Milk [00:00:41] Brandon Ware: is not milk. It's O water. [00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: It's o, o, [00:00:46] Brandon Ware: o o o o [00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: o. Folks. I don't know how we got here. [00:00:52] Brandon Ware: This is the Sex with Z. Yes. Podcast. Anna. I'm sorry, I, I default back to my original language and the is here today. She drew the penis on my Chapelle. [00:01:13] Brandon Ware: I'm sorry, my head. [00:01:15] Jess O'Reilly: Today we're at the Sexology Summit in DC and Luna took a picture of Brandon to post on Instagram, and I don't know why she put so many eggplant on his head. Was [00:01:25] Brandon Ware: very many eggplants I not enjoyed very much. [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: What is the perfect amount of dicks on your head? Um, in [00:01:32] Brandon Ware: this particular instance, it was perhaps southern [00:01:37] Jess O'Reilly: Exactly. [00:01:38] Jess O'Reilly: Is it seven? Cuz ice cream doesn't have [00:01:40] Brandon Ware: bones because Yes, that is correct. And oats do not have tits to milk. No oat milk. [00:01:46] Jess O'Reilly: Listen, our job as podcast host is, you know, it's really to make our guests shine, but this is all the Brandon show. I'm okay with this. Welcome today. who are gonna tune out of this just to get away from your voice. [00:01:59] Jess O'Reilly: So [00:02:00] Luna Matata is here. She's a superstar. You're an absolute superstar. Anytime. I can't. Make something, or even if I don't think I'm right, the right fit for it, Luna is my number one pick to stand in and every client raves about her. Every brand is thrilled with her. And you have basically a gazillion webinars online. [00:02:22] Jess O'Reilly: Everything from Eat Pussy, like a Champ to dominant skills. Do you do anything on submission? [00:02:27] Luna Matatas: I do. I have sexy skills for submissive and dirty talk for submissives. Hmm. Are you a switch? I am a switch. Okay. I'm a reading switch. I have a switch [00:02:35] Jess O'Reilly: skills class. Oh, you have a switch skills class, and then you have, do you have like dick pleasure classes as [00:02:40] Luna Matatas: well? [00:02:40] Luna Matatas: Yes. Uh, bj, like a boss. Uh, penis pleasure hand, job [00:02:44] Jess O'Reilly: skills.

Performance pressure can affect pleasure and sexual response from the desire to erections to orgasms and more. In this episode, Jess and Brandon discuss: The most common sources of performance pressure How to talk to a partner about your experience with performance pressure Strategies to reduce pressure and increase pleasure Mindful touch exercises to offset the symptoms of performance pressure Techniques to tune into pleasure Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. How To Get Over Performance Anxiety Episode 318 [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Oh, way to start the podcast. So you knew what I was doing. Yeah, of course I did. I'm making the cruise sound because we're heading out on a cruise tomorrow. [00:00:30] And that's, isn't that the sound They le they they make when they leave point. It's mine. It's not the tutut little engine that could woo your Sounds like a donkey. No, yours sounds like a donkey. You've heard a donkey go-to too? No. What you just did. You were he, have you ever ridden a donkey? Probably, yeah. [00:00:46] When? When I was a kid. I don't know why there were always donkeys in Jamaica to ride. No. Like they'd come by and try and get you to ride the donkey and, but did they say it was a horse? No, I don't know what they said, but there was definitely a donkey and I remember I never had on clothes. So all the pictures of just are genocide. [00:01:02] Naked? Not naked. I had on underwear. Oh, okay. Um, on a donkey. I'm gonna pull up those pictures. Make it the, the profile picture. Profile picture for this, for this one, for this episode. Anyhow, we're heading out on the Venice Rome Cruise with Desire Resorts Clothing optional. I'm there for work, which means I'll be hosting a couple couples workshops. [00:01:20] Will you be riding a donkey topless? Listen, if you wanna ride a donkey topless. Desire cruise, that is the place to do it. Well, actually, on the last cruise, we were on a cruise with them a few months ago, and we were, we went through the Greek aisles. And if anyone's ever been to Santorini, you know, there's a couple of ways to get up the hill when you dock at the bottom. [00:01:40] So you can walk mostly through donkey crap. You can, which is what we did. Which is what we did. Yes, yes. Because there was a six hour line to take the, uh, the funicular, or I don't know what you call it. Some sort of cable car. Yeah, there's a line for the cable car or you can take the donkeys, but I didn't have like five euros, so we walked up through the donkey poo. [00:01:58] It would be [00:02:00] very sexy if somebody had had taken off their top and wrote it up. This switchback mountains. Side full of donkey crap. There was no, there was nothing sexy about it. Do you remember? It was so incredibly hot and it smelled like poopoo. Yeah, we got, but then you got back on the boat and the boat was sexy. [00:02:17] The boat was amazing, and I have to stop calling it a boat. It's a ship. It's a yacht. Anyhow, this time we're going to, we're starting in cia, so just. You know, part of the Venice Lagoon, and then we're heading to two stops in Croatia. Then we're stopping in Montenegro.

Performance pressure can affect pleasure and sexual response from the desire to erections to orgasms and more. In this episode, Jess and Brandon discuss: The most common sources of performance pressure How to talk to a partner about your experience with performance pressure Strategies to reduce pressure and increase pleasure Mindful touch exercises to offset the symptoms of performance pressure Techniques to tune into pleasure If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. How To Get Over Performance Anxiety Episode 318 [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Oh, way to start the podcast. So you knew what I was doing. Yeah, of course I did. I'm making the cruise sound because we're heading out on a cruise tomorrow. [00:00:30] And that's, isn't that the sound They le they they make when they leave point. It's mine. It's not the tutut little engine that could woo your Sounds like a donkey. No, yours sounds like a donkey. You've heard a donkey go-to too? No. What you just did. You were he, have you ever ridden a donkey? Probably, yeah. [00:00:46] When? When I was a kid. I don't know why there were always donkeys in Jamaica to ride. No. Like they'd come by and try and get you to ride the donkey and, but did they say it was a horse? No, I don't know what they said, but there was definitely a donkey and I remember I never had on clothes. So all the pictures of just are genocide. [00:01:02] Naked? Not naked. I had on underwear. Oh, okay. Um, on a donkey. I'm gonna pull up those pictures. Make it the, the profile picture. Profile picture for this, for this one, for this episode. Anyhow, we're heading out on the Venice Rome Cruise with Desire Resorts Clothing optional. I'm there for work, which means I'll be hosting a couple couples workshops. [00:01:20] Will you be riding a donkey topless? Listen, if you wanna ride a donkey topless. Desire cruise, that is the place to do it. Well, actually, on the last cruise, we were on a cruise with them a few months ago, and we were, we went through the Greek aisles. And if anyone's ever been to Santorini, you know, there's a couple of ways to get up the hill when you dock at the bottom. [00:01:40] So you can walk mostly through donkey crap. You can, which is what we did. Which is what we did. Yes, yes. Because there was a six hour line to take the, uh, the funicular, or I don't know what you call it. Some sort of cable car. Yeah, there's a line for the cable car or you can take the donkeys, but I didn't have like five euros, so we walked up through the donkey poo. [00:01:58] It would be [00:02:00] very sexy if somebody had had taken off their top and wrote it up. This switchback mountains. Side full of donkey crap. There was no, there was nothing sexy about it. Do you remember? It was so incredibly hot and it smelled like poopoo. Yeah, we got, but then you got back on the boat and the boat was sexy. [00:02:17] The boat was amazing, and I have to stop calling it a boat. It's a ship. It's a yacht. Anyhow, this time we're going to, we're starting in cia, so just. You know, part of the Venice Lagoon, and then we're heading to two stops in Croatia. Then we're stopping in Montenegro. I've never been to Montenegro, and then we head to AM Mai. [00:02:33] Oh, I'm so excited for that. And Soreto.

Curious about how to overcome sexual repression and boost sexual self-esteem? Dr. Tara has you covered. She joins Jess to share her personal story of sexual empowerment -- from shame to She also shares tips to improve sexual communication even if your partner isn't 100% on board. Dr. Tara is a Los Angeles-based sex and relationship expert, a tenured professor of sexual and relational communication (CSUF), and the viral sex ed creator at Luvbites. Stay up to date with Dr. Tara by following her on her social media accounts. (TikTok, Instagram, Twitter). And take a listen the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Improve Sexual Self-Esteem & Communication Episode 317 [00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:16] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey. I am without Brandon today, but I am going to be interviewing in just a moment. The fabulous Dr. Tara. She's a tenured professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She was tenured at a very young age at 33. She is an award-winning. Researcher, a sex and relationship coach. [00:00:36] Jess O'Reilly: She is the host of Love Bys by Dr. Tara podcast, and there she focuses on sexual wellness and sex exploration. Her work is featured in all sorts of media. I've seen her on K T L A News, Cosmo Women's Health Magazine, insider, and many more. And I'm excited to have this conversation and learn more about sexual self-esteem and sexual communication. [00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: Dr. Tara, thank you so, so much for being here. I watch you from afar on Instagram, on TikTok. I know you have, you have a master's, you have a doctorate in interpersonal communication. Uh, tell me a bit about your story. How did you end up working in sexual communication? [00:01:14] Dr. Tara: Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited I follow you from afar as well, Dr. [00:01:18] Dr. Tara: Jess. So I'm really excited to be here. Well, my story really started, we have to start it from the very beginning. I am originally from Thailand, Bangkok. Have you been? I've [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: been, I love it. I have family there. It's one of my favorite cities. Like I prefer the city to the beaches. Yeah. [00:01:36] Dr. Tara: I swear people that know how to do Bangkok really love Bangkok. [00:01:40] Dr. Tara: So that's where I grew up. I went to an all girls Catholic school in Thailand where you know, As a woman, uh, you learn early on in life that your body is something that you shouldn't, like advertise or be confident about. Uh, because we wore these [00:02:00] uniforms and our skirt has to cover our knees. Because, you know, knees are sexy. [00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: Every time I see a knee, I'm like, I wanna lick that thing. [00:02:09] Dr. Tara: Yeah. So our skirt had to cover our knees, and if the skirt doesn't cover the knees, we get hit on the hands. Oh. So imagine being like eight years old. That's first grade. Right. And that was your learning about your body. And how you should exist in the world as a girl. [00:02:27] Dr. Tara: You know, when I tell people this, some of my friends back home are like, oh, it doesn't matter. Most schools have like uniform code, but I think it's because they haven't thought about it deeply. And I have,

Curious about how to overcome sexual repression and boost sexual self-esteem? Dr. Tara has you covered. She joins Jess to share her personal story of sexual empowerment -- from shame to She also shares tips to improve sexual communication even if your partner isn't 100% on board. Dr. Tara is a Los Angeles-based sex and relationship expert, a tenured professor of sexual and relational communication (CSUF), and the viral sex ed creator at Luvbites. Stay up to date with Dr. Tara by following her on her social media accounts. (TikTok, Instagram, Twitter). And take a listen the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Improve Sexual Self-Esteem & Communication Episode 317 [00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:16] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey. I am without Brandon today, but I am going to be interviewing in just a moment. The fabulous Dr. Tara. She's a tenured professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She was tenured at a very young age at 33. She is an award-winning. Researcher, a sex and relationship coach. [00:00:36] Jess O'Reilly: She is the host of Love Bys by Dr. Tara podcast, and there she focuses on sexual wellness and sex exploration. Her work is featured in all sorts of media. I've seen her on K T L A News, Cosmo Women's Health Magazine, insider, and many more. And I'm excited to have this conversation and learn more about sexual self-esteem and sexual communication. [00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: Dr. Tara, thank you so, so much for being here. I watch you from afar on Instagram, on TikTok. I know you have, you have a master's, you have a doctorate in interpersonal communication. Uh, tell me a bit about your story. How did you end up working in sexual communication? [00:01:14] Dr. Tara: Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited I follow you from afar as well, Dr. [00:01:18] Dr. Tara: Jess. So I'm really excited to be here. Well, my story really started, we have to start it from the very beginning. I am originally from Thailand, Bangkok. Have you been? I've [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: been, I love it. I have family there. It's one of my favorite cities. Like I prefer the city to the beaches. Yeah. [00:01:36] Dr. Tara: I swear people that know how to do Bangkok really love Bangkok. [00:01:40] Dr. Tara: So that's where I grew up. I went to an all girls Catholic school in Thailand where you know, As a woman, uh, you learn early on in life that your body is something that you shouldn't, like advertise or be confident about. Uh, because we wore these [00:02:00] uniforms and our skirt has to cover our knees. Because, you know, knees are sexy. [00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: Every time I see a knee, I'm like, I wanna lick that thing. [00:02:09] Dr. Tara: Yeah. So our skirt had to cover our knees, and if the skirt doesn't cover the knees, we get hit on the hands. Oh. So imagine being like eight years old. That's first grade. Right. And that was your learning about your body. And how you should exist in the world as a girl. [00:02:27] Dr. Tara: You know, when I tell people this, some of my friends back home are like, oh, it doesn't matter. Most schools have like uniform code, but I think it's because they haven't thought about it deeply. And I have,

Curious about what other people get up to behind closed doors and online? Carly from AURORE is here to share. She collects confessional sex stories submitted by people from all over the world. Tune in for her story and; a sampling of real-life literary (and audial) erotica. Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: Real-Life Sex Confessions: AURORE [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hello. Are you looking for a new job? Are you in the market for a new career? It depends what it is. [00:00:27] What are you selling me? Well, I'm proposing you try out for the Orgasm Advisory Board for love, honey. I'm, I'm intrigued. Tell me more. So they're looking to hire a diverse group of 10 sex toy testers from all experience levels. So from somebody who has all the sex toys, which is pretty much you, to somebody who's brand new and every. [00:00:50] Thing and everybody in between. In between. So they're looking to improve basically the quality and inclusivity of their products over at Love Honey. And that's really why, why I'm here today. I'm here in Toronto because there's an event in Toronto. They're going on the road. Basically, they're taking this not antique road show on the road to 16 different cities where we're going to be recruiting sex toy testers and doing a bunch of games and giveaways and stuff on the street as well. [00:01:14] But hold on, it's a real job. It's a job. I don't wanna mess up the details, but it pays a thousand dollars. For the year and every month you get around, okay, around $250 of sex toys that you test out and you provide feedback. I, I would 100% apply for this job. Are you going to, can I put in hold? You get paid to touch yourself and they're gonna send you toys to help you touch yourself. [00:01:36] That's exactly. That's it. Get paid for pleasure. They were in New York, I think over the weekend, this past weekend and this weekend they're heading to Austin, Texas. They're heading to Toronto, Ontario, which is where I'm going to be. They're also gonna be in Denver, Colorado, San Francisco, uh, Phoenix. And then next weekend they're in Philadelphia. [00:01:55] I'm kind of mad that I won't be there. I wish I could be in Philadelphia and next weekend they'll also be in [00:02:00] Chicago and Montreal. And Las Vegas and Seattle and Atlanta and Miami and Houston. And then they're heading to Cheyenne, Wyoming. And I think, you know, the reason they've picked these markets has to do with the way people are purchasing sex toys. [00:02:14] And I think that Wyoming one was, uh, at the bottom of the list in terms of per capita sex toy investments. So they need people to step up their game In, in what city again? Cheyenne, Wyoming, Cheyenne. There you go. If you're there, message me. I'm gonna get you a toy. I'm getting kicked. Yeah. Anyhow, if you are in Toronto this weekend, come on down. [00:02:33] I'm gonna be Saturday afternoon somewhere near the skydome, and we're gonna be, there's gonna be a whole recruitment team there. I'm not a part of the recruitment team. I'm there, you know, helping with any interviews or any questions that people have and there's games and there are probably going to be, Free vibrators if you participate. [00:02:49] So That's amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. They sign me up. Well, there are only nine spots left cuz Brandon just took one. I just took, yes. I think it's a conflict of interest. I don't think you'll get in. I did, I, I think I bring an element of expertise given how much I have touched myself and how many toys I have. [00:03:04] Well,

Curious about what other people get up to behind closed doors and online? Carly from AURORE is here to share. She collects confessional sex stories submitted by people from all over the world. Tune in for her story and; a sampling of real-life literary (and audial) erotica. Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: Real-Life Sex Confessions: AURORE [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hello. Are you looking for a new job? Are you in the market for a new career? It depends what it is. [00:00:27] What are you selling me? Well, I'm proposing you try out for the Orgasm Advisory Board for love, honey. I'm, I'm intrigued. Tell me more. So they're looking to hire a diverse group of 10 sex toy testers from all experience levels. So from somebody who has all the sex toys, which is pretty much you, to somebody who's brand new and every. [00:00:50] Thing and everybody in between. In between. So they're looking to improve basically the quality and inclusivity of their products over at Love Honey. And that's really why, why I'm here today. I'm here in Toronto because there's an event in Toronto. They're going on the road. Basically, they're taking this not antique road show on the road to 16 different cities where we're going to be recruiting sex toy testers and doing a bunch of games and giveaways and stuff on the street as well. [00:01:14] But hold on, it's a real job. It's a job. I don't wanna mess up the details, but it pays a thousand dollars. For the year and every month you get around, okay, around $250 of sex toys that you test out and you provide feedback. I, I would 100% apply for this job. Are you going to, can I put in hold? You get paid to touch yourself and they're gonna send you toys to help you touch yourself. [00:01:36] That's exactly. That's it. Get paid for pleasure. They were in New York, I think over the weekend, this past weekend and this weekend they're heading to Austin, Texas. They're heading to Toronto, Ontario, which is where I'm going to be. They're also gonna be in Denver, Colorado, San Francisco, uh, Phoenix. And then next weekend they're in Philadelphia. [00:01:55] I'm kind of mad that I won't be there. I wish I could be in Philadelphia and next weekend they'll also be in [00:02:00] Chicago and Montreal. And Las Vegas and Seattle and Atlanta and Miami and Houston. And then they're heading to Cheyenne, Wyoming. And I think, you know, the reason they've picked these markets has to do with the way people are purchasing sex toys. [00:02:14] And I think that Wyoming one was, uh, at the bottom of the list in terms of per capita sex toy investments. So they need people to step up their game In, in what city again? Cheyenne, Wyoming, Cheyenne. There you go. If you're there, message me. I'm gonna get you a toy. I'm getting kicked. Yeah. Anyhow, if you are in Toronto this weekend, come on down. [00:02:33] I'm gonna be Saturday afternoon somewhere near the skydome, and we're gonna be, there's gonna be a whole recruitment team there. I'm not a part of the recruitment team. I'm there, you know, helping with any interviews or any questions that people have and there's games and there are probably going to be, Free vibrators if you participate. [00:02:49] So That's amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. They sign me up. Well, there are only nine spots left cuz Brandon just took one. I just took, yes. I think it's a conflict of interest. I don't think you'll get in. I did, I, I think I bring an element of expertise given how much I have touched myself and how many toys I have. [00:03:04] Well,

Are your sleep habits adversely affecting your relationships? Is a lack of sleep affecting your sex life? Do you want to sleep better and wake up rested? Board-certified sleep expert Ellen Wermter joins us to share her top tips for a better night's sleep and why sleep is essential to happy relationships. Ellen Wermter is a Board Certified Family Nurse Practitioner through the American Nurses Credentialing Center and a member of Sigma Theta Tau National Honor Society. She earned her Bachelor of Science in Nursing at the University of Virginia and her Masters of Science at Virginia Commonwealth University; and is a member of the Virginia Council of Nurse Practitioners (VCNP). Ellen is a dedicated sleep professional both board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine (DBSM) as well as being certified in cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia and who actively treats patients full-time. In her free time, Ellen prefers to be outside in nature - and stays active running; and practicing yoga. She lives on a farm with her husband and four children - where she grows apple trees and keeps honeybees. She also enjoys singing loudly in the car and rarely gets the lyrics right. Check out the BetterSleep.Org to learn more about the Better Sleep Council. Stay up to date with the Better Sleep Council by following them on their social media from Twitter to their Instagram accounts. Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. How to improve sleep for better relationships (and better sex) Episode 315 [00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jessica O'Reilly: Hey, babe, are you well rested? No, I am not. When was the last time you felt well rested? [00:00:21] Brandon Ware: It's been a very long time. I can't remember the last time I woke up and felt refreshed. I don't think I ever wake up and feel refreshed. [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: You know, some people wake up and they spring outta bed. Me, I fall outta bed because I'm still [00:00:33] Jessica O'Reilly: asleep. So Did you have a good sleep last night? I slept well, but not very long. Yeah, it was a little bit of an nap. We had an early morning flight today. [00:00:40] Brandon Ware: Yeah, we did. When was the, here's the real question. When did you last have a full night's sleep where you felt well [00:00:45] Jessica O'Reilly: rested? [00:00:46] Jessica O'Reilly: Okay, so I do sometimes feel well rested, but I swear I don't [00:00:49] Brandon Ware: sleep. Oh my God, you 100%. You don't sleep. I like [00:00:53] Jessica O'Reilly: sleep with one eye open. [00:00:55] Brandon Ware: You're like a dog. You always got one eye open. [00:00:57] Jessica O'Reilly: Yeah. Just to see what, what happens next. Don't miss anything. We're gonna be talking about how sleep affects our overall health, our relational health, sexual health, all that jazz. [00:01:06] Jessica O'Reilly: We have an expert because I am the anti expert, not anti expert. I'm the antithesis of an expert when it comes to sleep. I suck at it. So Ellen Morter is a board certified. Family nurse practitioner through the American Nurses Credentialing Center. Uh, she's a member of Sigma Theta Tao National Honor Society. [00:01:22] Jessica O'Reilly: She has a long resume. Okay? She has a Bachelor of Science in nursing,

Are your sleep habits adversely affecting your relationships? Is a lack of sleep affecting your sex life? Do you want to sleep better and wake up rested? Board-certified sleep expert Ellen Wermter joins us to share her top tips for a better night's sleep and why sleep is essential to happy relationships. Ellen Wermter is a Board Certified Family Nurse Practitioner through the American Nurses Credentialing Center and a member of Sigma Theta Tau National Honor Society. She earned her Bachelor of Science in Nursing at the University of Virginia and her Masters of Science at Virginia Commonwealth University; and is a member of the Virginia Council of Nurse Practitioners (VCNP). Ellen is a dedicated sleep professional both board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine (DBSM) as well as being certified in cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia and who actively treats patients full-time. In her free time, Ellen prefers to be outside in nature - and stays active running; and practicing yoga. She lives on a farm with her husband and four children - where she grows apple trees and keeps honeybees. She also enjoys singing loudly in the car and rarely gets the lyrics right. Check out the BetterSleep.Org to learn more about the Better Sleep Council. Stay up to date with the Better Sleep Council by following them on their social media from Twitter to their Instagram accounts. Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. How to improve sleep for better relationships (and better sex) Episode 315 [00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jessica O'Reilly: Hey, babe, are you well rested? No, I am not. When was the last time you felt well rested? [00:00:21] Brandon Ware: It's been a very long time. I can't remember the last time I woke up and felt refreshed. I don't think I ever wake up and feel refreshed. [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: You know, some people wake up and they spring outta bed. Me, I fall outta bed because I'm still [00:00:33] Jessica O'Reilly: asleep. So Did you have a good sleep last night? I slept well, but not very long. Yeah, it was a little bit of an nap. We had an early morning flight today. [00:00:40] Brandon Ware: Yeah, we did. When was the, here's the real question. When did you last have a full night's sleep where you felt well [00:00:45] Jessica O'Reilly: rested? [00:00:46] Jessica O'Reilly: Okay, so I do sometimes feel well rested, but I swear I don't [00:00:49] Brandon Ware: sleep. Oh my God, you 100%. You don't sleep. I like [00:00:53] Jessica O'Reilly: sleep with one eye open. [00:00:55] Brandon Ware: You're like a dog. You always got one eye open. [00:00:57] Jessica O'Reilly: Yeah. Just to see what, what happens next. Don't miss anything. We're gonna be talking about how sleep affects our overall health, our relational health, sexual health, all that jazz. [00:01:06] Jessica O'Reilly: We have an expert because I am the anti expert, not anti expert. I'm the antithesis of an expert when it comes to sleep. I suck at it. So Ellen Morter is a board certified. Family nurse practitioner through the American Nurses Credentialing Center. Uh, she's a member of Sigma Theta Tao National Honor Society. [00:01:22] Jessica O'Reilly: She has a long resume. Okay? She has a Bachelor of Science in nursing,

Family lawyer Justin Lee sees relationships and marriages from both sides: couples come to him before they get married (or move in together) and when the relationship has come to an end. His perspective offers a view of the good, the bad and the ugly. He joins Jess and Brandon to discuss: The benefits of prenups & marital contracts Why marriages fall apart Why all couples should talk to a divorce lawyer before getting married Infidelity clauses Why he still believes in true love despite seeing so many breakups   https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/wp-content/uploads/IG2-Marriage-Advice-from-a-Divorce-Lawyer.mp4   Justin is a Toronto-based family & divorce lawyer. He is a graduate of the University of Toronto Law School and is a founder of his own family law firm, JLEE Family Law. He practices in all areas of family law, including high-conflict parenting disputes, complex property issues, domestic contracts, and child and spousal support. You might know him better as the divorce lawyer or “jleejd” on TikTok and Instagram, where he posts divorce-related content to over 450,000 followers across both platforms. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Marriage Advice From A Divorce Lawyer Episode 314 - Marriage Advice From A Divorce Lawyer [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware and I'm very excited. For today's conversation because we are gonna be speaking with Justin Lee, who is a divorce lawyer, gonna be giving us his take on relationships and relationship advice. [00:00:30] So we're gonna start right off. Justin, a Toronto based family and divorce lawyer. He's a graduate of the university Toronto's Law School, a founder of his own family law firm, Jay Lee, family Law. He practices all areas of family law, including high conflict parenting disputes, complex property issues, domestic contracts, and child and spousal sup. [00:00:49] Port, but you might know him better as the divorce lawyer or j Lee JD on TikTok and Instagram where he posts divorce related content to over 450,000 followers. I'm one of those followers, so am I. I'm one of 450,000 and I, I gotta say, I really like Justin's perspective, his insights on Instagram, so I'm excited to dive just a little bit deeper because of course you're getting short form. [00:01:14] Content on those platforms and it, it's interesting because I think everyone in the public eye these days, all the influencers, everyone has something to say about relationships, which I actually think is fabulous. I think it's really cool to hear so many perspectives. I do think the challenge is when people either pass off their experience as expertise. [00:01:31] Or assume that their experience can be globalized or is universal. That's when I get into kind of murky waters in that space. But, uh, Justin to me is the exception. I've kind of gone through all of his content I've been following for a while, and, uh, man, the relationship advice or insights really are really sound. [00:01:48] So I'm excited to dive a little deeper into this conversation now. Thank you so much for being here. Um, I'm a huge fan of your content. I have gone through all of your relationship advice on the [00:02:00] other end, and it seems like all of it is. Really sound, and I guess you have this super unique perspective as a divorce lawyer.

Family lawyer Justin Lee sees relationships and marriages from both sides: couples come to him before they get married (or move in together) and when the relationship has come to an end. His perspective offers a view of the good, the bad and the ugly. He joins Jess and Brandon to discuss: The benefits of prenups & marital contracts Why marriages fall apart Why all couples should talk to a divorce lawyer before getting married Infidelity clauses Why he still believes in true love despite seeing so many breakups   https://happiercouples.com/wp-content/uploads/IG2-Marriage-Advice-from-a-Divorce-Lawyer.mp4   Justin is a Toronto-based family & divorce lawyer. He is a graduate of the University of Toronto Law School and is a founder of his own family law firm, JLEE Family Law. He practices in all areas of family law, including high-conflict parenting disputes, complex property issues, domestic contracts, and child and spousal support. You might know him better as the divorce lawyer or “jleejd” on TikTok and Instagram, where he posts divorce-related content to over 450,000 followers across both platforms. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Marriage Advice From A Divorce Lawyer Episode 314 - Marriage Advice From A Divorce Lawyer [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware and I'm very excited. For today's conversation because we are gonna be speaking with Justin Lee, who is a divorce lawyer, gonna be giving us his take on relationships and relationship advice. [00:00:30] So we're gonna start right off. Justin, a Toronto based family and divorce lawyer. He's a graduate of the university Toronto's Law School, a founder of his own family law firm, Jay Lee, family Law. He practices all areas of family law, including high conflict parenting disputes, complex property issues, domestic contracts, and child and spousal sup. [00:00:49] Port, but you might know him better as the divorce lawyer or j Lee JD on TikTok and Instagram where he posts divorce related content to over 450,000 followers. I'm one of those followers, so am I. I'm one of 450,000 and I, I gotta say, I really like Justin's perspective, his insights on Instagram, so I'm excited to dive just a little bit deeper because of course you're getting short form. [00:01:14] Content on those platforms and it, it's interesting because I think everyone in the public eye these days, all the influencers, everyone has something to say about relationships, which I actually think is fabulous. I think it's really cool to hear so many perspectives. I do think the challenge is when people either pass off their experience as expertise. [00:01:31] Or assume that their experience can be globalized or is universal. That's when I get into kind of murky waters in that space. But, uh, Justin to me is the exception. I've kind of gone through all of his content I've been following for a while, and, uh, man, the relationship advice or insights really are really sound. [00:01:48] So I'm excited to dive a little deeper into this conversation now. Thank you so much for being here. Um, I'm a huge fan of your content. I have gone through all of your relationship advice on the [00:02:00] other end, and it seems like all of it is. Really sound, and I guess you have this super unique perspective as a divorce lawyer.

In this quickie episode, Jess and Brandon reflect upon a recent argument and share three conversations to address relationship issues. They share their personal perspectives and delve into the importance of addressing three main points when you're struggling: 1. Why you want to work on the relationship 2. How you're feeling vs how you want to feel 3. What you want & what you're willing to compromise If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. 3 Conversations To Save A Relationship: Why? How? What? [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. [00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: Well, hello. I have a question for you. How. How are your stress levels right now? I'm [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: feeling pretty good. Not very high. [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Really? Yeah. On a one to 10 today I'm like a three. Okay. What's your baseline? [00:00:36] Brandon Ware: A seven. No, that's what I was gonna say. Uh, the last six months, probably [00:00:42] Jess O'Reilly: like a five. Okay. And lifetime? Like adult lifetime? [00:00:45] Brandon Ware: Adult lifetime, probably. Yeah. Probably like a six to seven. [00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Oh man. Yeah. [00:00:51] Brandon Ware: Okay. I didn't realize before how high my baseline was until I started to pay attention to it. And, you know, recognizing some of the feelings that I would feel on a regular basis. [00:01:01] Brandon Ware: The, the, you know, the butterflies in my stomach. I was like, oh, it's I'm hungry, or it's whatever. No, it's like, man, this is [00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: stress and has your, Stress overall come down over the last few years as you become more aware of that? Uh, [00:01:11] Brandon Ware: yes it has, but I mean, it's obviously spiked at different points because of different things that have happened. [00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Like I remember, you know, the uncertainty when the, the pandemic first started, like, yeah, I was a bit more stressed out. I remember having some pretty intense dreams those first like four or five weeks or six weeks of the pandemic when it started. Um, and then there have been other things that have happened over the last handful of years that have caused pretty significant spike in stress. [00:01:33] Brandon Ware: But today you're three. [00:01:34] Jess O'Reilly: Today I'm a three man. Why are you feeling [00:01:36] Brandon Ware: good? You know, I don't know. I woke up early, got in, um, did a bit of work, and then got in a good workout, which I wasn't expecting. Mm-hmm. And, uh, after a six hour [00:01:46] Jess O'Reilly: time change Last [00:01:47] Brandon Ware: night. After, yeah, after like a really big time change and, uh, just in a general good mood. [00:01:53] Brandon Ware: So I'm just gonna keep rolling with it. Well, I'm [00:01:55] Jess O'Reilly: here to ruin it. No, just kidding. What? Thank you. No, there just seems to be a lot of stress [00:02:00] in the world. Like the headlines. Yeah, the tragedy. And I am finding that I'm receiving more and more messages from people in distress about life, but particularly about relationships. [00:02:11] Jess O'Reilly: And so that's why I asked about stress, because I, I'm curious, like, does the world feel more stressed right

In this quickie episode, Jess and Brandon talks - about a recent argument and share three conversations to address relationship issues. They share their personal perspectives and delve into the importance of addressing three main points when you're struggling:  1. Why you want to work on the relationship  2. How you're feeling vs how you want to feel  3. What you want & what you're willing to compromise  If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. 3 Conversations To Save A Relationship: Why? How? What? [00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. [00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. [00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: Well, hello. I have a question for you. How. How are your stress levels right now? I'm [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: feeling pretty good. Not very high. [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Really? Yeah. On a one to 10 today I'm like a three. Okay. What's your baseline? [00:00:36] Brandon Ware: A seven. No, that's what I was gonna say. Uh, the last six months, probably [00:00:42] Jess O'Reilly: like a five. Okay. And lifetime? Like adult lifetime? [00:00:45] Brandon Ware: Adult lifetime, probably. Yeah. Probably like a six to seven. [00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Oh man. Yeah. [00:00:51] Brandon Ware: Okay. I didn't realize before how high my baseline was until I started to pay attention to it. And, you know, recognizing some of the feelings that I would feel on a regular basis. [00:01:01] Brandon Ware: The, the, you know, the butterflies in my stomach. I was like, oh, it's I'm hungry, or it's whatever. No, it's like, man, this is [00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: stress and has your, Stress overall come down over the last few years as you become more aware of that? Uh, [00:01:11] Brandon Ware: yes it has, but I mean, it's obviously spiked at different points because of different things that have happened. [00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Like I remember, you know, the uncertainty when the, the pandemic first started, like, yeah, I was a bit more stressed out. I remember having some pretty intense dreams those first like four or five weeks or six weeks of the pandemic when it started. Um, and then there have been other things that have happened over the last handful of years that have caused pretty significant spike in stress. [00:01:33] Brandon Ware: But today you're three. [00:01:34] Jess O'Reilly: Today I'm a three man. Why are you feeling [00:01:36] Brandon Ware: good? You know, I don't know. I woke up early, got in, um, did a bit of work, and then got in a good workout, which I wasn't expecting. Mm-hmm. And, uh, after a six hour [00:01:46] Jess O'Reilly: time change Last [00:01:47] Brandon Ware: night. After, yeah, after like a really big time change and, uh, just in a general good mood. [00:01:53] Brandon Ware: So I'm just gonna keep rolling with it. Well, I'm [00:01:55] Jess O'Reilly: here to ruin it. No, just kidding. What? Thank you. No, there just seems to be a lot of stress [00:02:00] in the world. Like the headlines. Yeah, the tragedy. And I am finding that I'm receiving more and more messages from people in distress about life, but particularly about relationships. [00:02:11] Jess O'Reilly: And so that's why I asked about stress, because I, I'm curious, like, does the world feel more stressed right

            Mike and Denise are one of the happiest couples ever. They've been together since they were teenagers, raised two kids, run a family business, and they're still loving, happy and playful. Have a listen to their story and "secrets" in this casual, candid conversation with Jess and Brandon (Mike is Jess' cousin BTW). There are no magic pills for happy marriages, but every story counts. Warning: gushing contained herein.             Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Secrets of A Happy Couple (After 35+ Years!) 00:02 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. 00:16 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, hey, I'm excited for this conversation and we are going to dive right in because today we are chatting with and getting insights from one of the most happy couples I have ever met. So we are here with my favorite. I'm not going to say cousins because I'll get in trouble. Also, they're not both my cousins. Only Michael is my cousin. My favorite couple. 00:45 I think when you say somebody's your favorite, but then you don't finish it, I think you've just now said they're your favorite. I know. We have a problem in our family, right, Mike, about favorites? Well, you're just stating the obvious. There's a whole bunch of us. So Mike is my eldest cousin, right? Thank you for that. A favorite cousin. Favorite cousin. There's a lot of us. Denise is his wife, and we spend a ton of time with you. We prioritize spending time with you, even though we spend... 01:13 even though we live far, far away from one another, because we love being around you. And Denise has been on the podcast before, so you may remember her from a Christmas episode with her daughter, Annabella, who wrote her dating profile. And if you haven't listened to the dating profile episodes, please, please, please go back and listen to the dating profile episodes. One of them is called, The Greatest Gift Ever and it's free, but definitely check those out. So you might remember Denise from there, but I'll give you a little bit of background on them. They haven't given me their bios. 01:42 but they run a family company with many, many employees and extra special stresses because it's in Jamaica. But they're just the happiest couple. They have two grown kids who are also my favorites. And I wanted to chat with them because they're happy. And I think we all just wanna be happy like they are. Mike, you're happy. I'm always happy. You bring joy. So why don't we just start with how you met? Tell us the story of how you met 30. 02:11 Six years ago, 30, a lot of years ago. A lifetime ago. I think 1989, right? 85. No, 85. How old was I in 85? Mike was a year younger than me, but we met freshman year at RISD. So we were at school and we met a couple of times, I think, at the dormitory, just around campus. And I remember just shaking my head and thinking, no, this guy's crazy. That's most the charm. 02:39 But you also weren't happy at RISD. And I think that's what I was picking up is that you were not happy there. I think it was just coming from South Florida from high school and coming to a Northeast school. I was again, in a whole different world. Right, which was my happy place, but not your happy place. Again,

            Mike and Denise are one of the happiest couples ever. They've been together since they were teenagers, raised two kids, run a family business, and they're still loving, happy and playful. Have a listen to their story and "secrets" in this casual, candid conversation with Jess and Brandon (Mike is Jess' cousin BTW). There are no magic pills for happy marriages, but every story counts. Warning: gushing contained herein.             Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Secrets of A Happy Couple (After 35+ Years!) 00:02 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. 00:16 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, hey, I'm excited for this conversation and we are going to dive right in because today we are chatting with and getting insights from one of the most happy couples I have ever met. So we are here with my favorite. I'm not going to say cousins because I'll get in trouble. Also, they're not both my cousins. Only Michael is my cousin. My favorite couple. 00:45 I think when you say somebody's your favorite, but then you don't finish it, I think you've just now said they're your favorite. I know. We have a problem in our family, right, Mike, about favorites? Well, you're just stating the obvious. There's a whole bunch of us. So Mike is my eldest cousin, right? Thank you for that. A favorite cousin. Favorite cousin. There's a lot of us. Denise is his wife, and we spend a ton of time with you. We prioritize spending time with you, even though we spend... 01:13 even though we live far, far away from one another, because we love being around you. And Denise has been on the podcast before, so you may remember her from a Christmas episode with her daughter, Annabella, who wrote her dating profile. And if you haven't listened to the dating profile episodes, please, please, please go back and listen to the dating profile episodes. One of them is called, The Greatest Gift Ever and it's free, but definitely check those out. So you might remember Denise from there, but I'll give you a little bit of background on them. They haven't given me their bios. 01:42 but they run a family company with many, many employees and extra special stresses because it's in Jamaica. But they're just the happiest couple. They have two grown kids who are also my favorites. And I wanted to chat with them because they're happy. And I think we all just wanna be happy like they are. Mike, you're happy. I'm always happy. You bring joy. So why don't we just start with how you met? Tell us the story of how you met 30. 02:11 Six years ago, 30, a lot of years ago. A lifetime ago. I think 1989, right? 85. No, 85. How old was I in 85? Mike was a year younger than me, but we met freshman year at RISD. So we were at school and we met a couple of times, I think, at the dormitory, just around campus. And I remember just shaking my head and thinking, no, this guy's crazy. That's most the charm. 02:39 But you also weren't happy at RISD. And I think that's what I was picking up is that you were not happy there. I think it was just coming from South Florida from high school and coming to a Northeast school. I was again, in a whole different world. Right, which was my happy place, but not your happy place. Again,

Is scheduling sex a good idea? And how do you deal with a partner - who is struggling with erection issues? Is avoidance of sex but engagement with porn an indication of a Madonna-whore complex? We discuss all this and more with the therapist Kat Kova. Don't forget to check out the Womanizer Starlet, which is on sale this week & you can save an EXTRA 15% with code DRJESS15. Kat Kova is currently; a Ph.D. student in the Social and Personality Psychology Program at York University. She holds a Master of Science Degree in the Couple & Family Therapy Program from the University of Guelph, an Honours BA Degree in Psychology from York University and a Certificate in Sexuality Studies from York University. She is an Associate Member of BESTCO (Board of Examiners of Sex Therapy and Counselling in Ontario) and has completed the Sex Therapy Intensive Training at the University of Guelph. She is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT), Narrative Therapy and mindfulness approaches and personalizes treatment according to your specific needs and the concerns you wish to address. Kat is also trained in embodied experiential dreamwork practices, an effective treatment for alleviating suffering from trauma-related nightmares and PTSD symptoms. Learn more on the Kat Kova Therapy website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Scheduling Sex, Erectile Issues & Sexual Avoidance 00:02 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. 00:17 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Good morning. It is 10.45 on a Monday morning for us here. Yes it is. And at 10.45 in the morning, would you like to schedule some sex? I would sure like to schedule some sex. Where are we going with this? Do you feel like we schedule sex at all? No, I don't. Okay. So I feel like we sort of do. I know that it doesn't go in our calendars, but I feel like we make time for it. Who are you having sex with then? 00:47 I'll invite to the wrong Brandon. Another Brandon. It's another realtor named Brandon. It's really good if anyone's in the market. At multiple things apparently. Okay. I know we don't put it in the calendar. I know we don't say, hey, at 3 PM on Saturday, would you like to have the sex with me? Sexy time. I do feel like we carve out time. I have an idea sometimes of when you're going to want to have sex with me. Do you? Yeah. I've got to tell. I've got to tell. You don't know you want it, but I know you want it. 01:17 I don't know what the tell it. Okay, I'm going to give one example. When I... Please do share more of Brandon's secrets. When I'm on the road for work and I know that I'm leaving, you carve out time the night before. Yes, I do. Not just for sex, but just to be with me, to try and be home, to try and not be working, to try and not have phone calls. And it always leads to sex. It usually does. Yes, you're right. I do do that. So there's some scheduling of sex. And you know, we've got an expert who's going to help us kind of parse whether or not we should schedule sex 01:47 There's research on the topic. Let's schedule in this time to start right now. Let's do this. Before we welcome our esteemed guest, quick note, the Womanizer Starlet is 50% off at lovehoney.com or lovehoney.ca or lovehoney.uk,

Is scheduling sex a good idea? And how do you deal with a partner - who is struggling with erection issues? Is avoidance of sex but engagement with porn an indication; of a Madonna-whore complex? We discuss all this and more with the therapist Kat Kova. Don't forget to check out the Womanizer Starlet, which is discounted to 50% off this week & you can save an extra 15% with code DRJESS15. Kat is currently; a Ph.D. student in the Social and Personality Psychology Program at York University. She holds a Master of Science Degree in the Couple & Family Therapy Program from the University of Guelph, an Honours BA Degree in Psychology from York University and a Certificate in Sexuality Studies from York University. She is an Associate Member of BESTCO (Board of Examiners of Sex Therapy and Counselling in Ontario) and has completed the Sex Therapy Intensive Training at the University of Guelph. She is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT), Narrative Therapy and mindfulness approaches and personalizes treatment according to your specific needs and the concerns you wish to address. Kat is also trained in embodied experiential dreamwork practices, an effective treatment for alleviating suffering from trauma-related nightmares and PTSD symptoms. Learn more on the Kat Kova Therapy website. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Scheduling Sex, Erectile Issues & Sexual Avoidance 00:02 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. 00:17 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Good morning. It is 10.45 on a Monday morning for us here. Yes it is. And at 10.45 in the morning, would you like to schedule some sex? I would sure like to schedule some sex. Where are we going with this? Do you feel like we schedule sex at all? No, I don't. Okay. So I feel like we sort of do. I know that it doesn't go in our calendars, but I feel like we make time for it. Who are you having sex with then? 00:47 I'll invite to the wrong Brandon. Another Brandon. It's another realtor named Brandon. It's really good if anyone's in the market. At multiple things apparently. Okay. I know we don't put it in the calendar. I know we don't say, hey, at 3 PM on Saturday, would you like to have the sex with me? Sexy time. I do feel like we carve out time. I have an idea sometimes of when you're going to want to have sex with me. Do you? Yeah. I've got to tell. I've got to tell. You don't know you want it, but I know you want it. 01:17 I don't know what the tell it. Okay, I'm going to give one example. When I... Please do share more of Brandon's secrets. When I'm on the road for work and I know that I'm leaving, you carve out time the night before. Yes, I do. Not just for sex, but just to be with me, to try and be home, to try and not be working, to try and not have phone calls. And it always leads to sex. It usually does. Yes, you're right. I do do that. So there's some scheduling of sex. And you know, we've got an expert who's going to help us kind of parse whether or not we should schedule sex 01:47 There's research on the topic. Let's schedule in this time to start right now. Let's do this. Before we welcome our esteemed guest, quick note, the Womanizer Starlet is 50% off at lovehoney.com or lovehoney.ca or lovehoney.uk,

Pelvic floor function is essential to sexual health a pleasure, but how much do you know about this key region? Do you know… At what age should you start thinking about the pelvic floor? What daily activities are hard - on the pelvic floor? Which movements can support pelvic floor health? How to care for your pelvic floor during pregnancy? How menopause affects the pelvic floor? We didn't know the answers, so we asked the fabulous Dr. Kamaria Washington to weigh in on these questions; and much more in this content-rich episode. Dr. Kamaria Washington is a proud product of Detroit, MI - and she received her Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan's School of Kinesiology before pursuing her Doctorate of Physical Therapy from the MGH Institute of Health Professions in Boston, Massachusetts. She then went to Therapeutic Associates Bethany in Portland, Oregon for extensive pelvic floor training in conjunction with Herman and Wallace pelvic floor continuing education. Dr. Washington is the founder of Pelvic Noire Physical Therapy & Wellness, where she serves as the CEO, a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist for women's health, and a Birth Prep and Postpartum Coach. Appointments can be held at their office in Metro-Detroit, MI, or virtually; from all over the world. She sees clients' preconceptions through menopause with pelvic pain, urine/fecal leakage, low back pain, reproductive concerns, prolapse, and more. You can keep up with her work and learn bits of pelvic floor education from her on Instagram & Facebook. And you can set up an appointment (virtual or in-person) at Pelvic Noire website. Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. 00:02 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. 00:16 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir here with my lovely other half and Dr. Jess. Hey, hey. Today we are talking about pelvic floor health across the lifespan. And we're going to be joined by Dr. Camaria Washington, also known as Dr. Cave from Detroit, Michigan. She has a Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan School of Kinesiology, like you, baby kinesiologist. Shout out. But then she went on to do her doctorate of physical therapy from the MGH Institute. 00:46 of Health Professions in Boston. She has a lot of schooling. She then went to therapeutic associates Bethany in Portland, Oregon for extensive pelvic floor training in conjunction with Herman and Wallace pelvic floor continuing education. She is the founder of pelvic noir physical therapy and wellness where she serves as the CEO a pelvic floor physical therapist for women's health and a birth prep and postpartum coach. She's amazing. I've been following her on Instagram for some time. I highly, highly, highly recommend 01:16 you follow at dr.kwashington underscore. That one's a bit hard, so I'm going to make sure it's in the show notes and I'll do a shout out on Instagram because her content is so good. On the personal side, Dr. K likes solo traveling, spending time with the locals, food experiences, dancing, spoken word, hiking, reading, spending time with her family and friends and she is a sucker for thrifting. I like that. And big pairs of handmade earrings and she joins us now. Thank you so, so much for being here. 01:46

Pelvic floor function is essential to sexual health a pleasure, but how much do you know about this key region? Do you know… At what age should you start thinking about the pelvic floor? What daily activities are hard - on the pelvic floor? Which movements can support pelvic floor health? How to care for your pelvic floor during pregnancy? How menopause affects the pelvic floor? We didn't know the answers, so we asked the fabulous Dr. Kamaria Washington to weigh in on these questions; and much more in this content-rich episode. Dr. Kamaria Washington is a proud product of Detroit, MI - and she received her Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan's School of Kinesiology before pursuing her Doctorate of Physical Therapy from the MGH Institute of Health Professions in Boston, Massachusetts. She then went to Therapeutic Associates Bethany in Portland, Oregon for extensive pelvic floor training in conjunction with Herman and Wallace pelvic floor continuing education. Dr. Washington is the founder of Pelvic Noire Physical Therapy & Wellness, where she serves as the CEO, a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist for women's health, and a Birth Prep and Postpartum Coach. Appointments can be held at their office in Metro-Detroit, MI, or virtually; from all over the world. She sees clients' preconceptions through menopause with pelvic pain, urine/fecal leakage, low back pain, reproductive concerns, prolapse, and more. You can keep up with her work and learn bits of pelvic floor education from her on Instagram & Facebook. And you can set up an appointment (virtual or in-person) at Pelvic Noire website. Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. 00:02 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. 00:16 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir here with my lovely other half and Dr. Jess. Hey, hey. Today we are talking about pelvic floor health across the lifespan. And we're going to be joined by Dr. Camaria Washington, also known as Dr. Cave from Detroit, Michigan. She has a Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan School of Kinesiology, like you, baby kinesiologist. Shout out. But then she went on to do her doctorate of physical therapy from the MGH Institute. 00:46 of Health Professions in Boston. She has a lot of schooling. She then went to therapeutic associates Bethany in Portland, Oregon for extensive pelvic floor training in conjunction with Herman and Wallace pelvic floor continuing education. She is the founder of pelvic noir physical therapy and wellness where she serves as the CEO a pelvic floor physical therapist for women's health and a birth prep and postpartum coach. She's amazing. I've been following her on Instagram for some time. I highly, highly, highly recommend 01:16 you follow at dr.kwashington underscore. That one's a bit hard, so I'm going to make sure it's in the show notes and I'll do a shout out on Instagram because her content is so good. On the personal side, Dr. K likes solo traveling, spending time with the locals, food experiences, dancing, spoken word, hiking, reading, spending time with her family and friends and she is a sucker for thrifting. I like that. And big pairs of handmade earrings and she joins us now. Thank you so, so much for being here. 01:46

What questions should you consider if you're thinking of opening up your relationship? What issues do couples commonly face when considering polyamory? What is brainspotting? What should solo polyamorous folks consider when dating couples? Which dating sites are best for open relationships? We're joined by marriage and family therapist Joy Berkheimer who weighs in on these questions and shares her personal experience with swinging and polyamory. Joy is a radical force for self-expression that helps women cultivate self-love, and empowers them to fully embody their sexuality so that they may become their best authentic and liberated selves. To learn more about Joy, follow her on her Instagram or on the Joy Berkheimer website. Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. speaker: You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half who's dancing, Dr. Jess. I was really in the mood for this today. You're grooving today. I heard a little scobbyed in the background. It makes me happy. That's your jam. Mm-hmm. Literally, that's your jam. And today, I've been up all morning talking about relationship deal breakers. Do you have any relationship deal breakers? Oh, I have a whole list. I have one that immediately comes to mind. What's that? Smoking. Cigarettes. Cigarette smoking. I'd have a hard time with that. Other substances are acceptable. other substances totally fine. Because you like the smell of other ones, but you don't like the smell of cigarettes. Yes. Yeah. You know, I had, I grew up with one parent who smoked on and off. And I remember that you just turned to them at some point and you're like, listen, I love you and that's going to kill you and I need you to stop. And they did. Yeah, I think I said that to somebody who wants to. They were very disciplined, though. My parents who smoked, like they would smoke in certain places and not in others. They never smoked in the house and they would smoke in certain social situations, but then quit in between for like a year. But I got it. that that's a deal. But I mean, if you were to start, I wouldn't really understand, especially why you'd start at this age. What if I started smoking cigars? Well, I mean, how often would you smoke them? This conversation is getting very detailed. Well, I'm just thinking that a lot of people smoke cigars once in a while. And so I wouldn't always have to be around it. I don't know. I don't know, I really like the smell of a pipe. I was just gonna say, I love the smell of a pipe. My grandfather smoked a pipe and I was like, man, that smells good. Yeah, it's sweet, sweet, but I think it still causes harm. Yeah, I think so. So we were talking this morning about the top relationship dealbreakers and they categorize them into six categories But what comes out on top for all types of relationships is Grossness okay, that's a very vague topic. So do you want to give me some details? Like what was what was gross? So another study found that it's basically if somebody has it disheveled or unclean appearance and then down the list There's lazy too needy lacks of sense of humor lacks of sense of humor. I know all about that one Here's one Have you ever You've seen me first thing in the morning? Speaking of disheveled, the first one? I know,

What questions should you consider if you're thinking of opening up your relationship? What issues do couples commonly face when considering polyamory? What is brainspotting? What should solo polyamorous folks consider when dating couples? Which dating sites are best for open relationships? We're joined by marriage and family therapist Joy Berkheimer who weighs in on these questions and shares her personal experience with swinging and polyamory. Joy is a radical force for self-expression that helps women cultivate self-love, and empowers them to fully embody their sexuality so that they may become their best authentic and liberated selves. To learn more about Joy, follow her on her Instagram or on the Joy Berkheimer website. Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. speaker: You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half who's dancing, Dr. Jess. I was really in the mood for this today. You're grooving today. I heard a little scobbyed in the background. It makes me happy. That's your jam. Mm-hmm. Literally, that's your jam. And today, I've been up all morning talking about relationship deal breakers. Do you have any relationship deal breakers? Oh, I have a whole list. I have one that immediately comes to mind. What's that? Smoking. Cigarettes. Cigarette smoking. I'd have a hard time with that. Other substances are acceptable. other substances totally fine. Because you like the smell of other ones, but you don't like the smell of cigarettes. Yes. Yeah. You know, I had, I grew up with one parent who smoked on and off. And I remember that you just turned to them at some point and you're like, listen, I love you and that's going to kill you and I need you to stop. And they did. Yeah, I think I said that to somebody who wants to. They were very disciplined, though. My parents who smoked, like they would smoke in certain places and not in others. They never smoked in the house and they would smoke in certain social situations, but then quit in between for like a year. But I got it. that that's a deal. But I mean, if you were to start, I wouldn't really understand, especially why you'd start at this age. What if I started smoking cigars? Well, I mean, how often would you smoke them? This conversation is getting very detailed. Well, I'm just thinking that a lot of people smoke cigars once in a while. And so I wouldn't always have to be around it. I don't know. I don't know, I really like the smell of a pipe. I was just gonna say, I love the smell of a pipe. My grandfather smoked a pipe and I was like, man, that smells good. Yeah, it's sweet, sweet, but I think it still causes harm. Yeah, I think so. So we were talking this morning about the top relationship dealbreakers and they categorize them into six categories But what comes out on top for all types of relationships is Grossness okay, that's a very vague topic. So do you want to give me some details? Like what was what was gross? So another study found that it's basically if somebody has it disheveled or unclean appearance and then down the list There's lazy too needy lacks of sense of humor lacks of sense of humor. I know all about that one Here's one Have you ever You've seen me first thing in the morning? Speaking of disheveled, the first one? I know,

How do you manage sexual incompatibility? What do you do when one of you wants sex all the time and the other has trouble getting in the mood? And how do you get yourself in the mood to be a "giver" when it doesn't come naturally? Sex therapist Dr. Donna Oriowo joins us to answer your questions about sex and relationships. Dr. Donna Oriowo (oreo-whoa!) LICSW, CST, is an award-winning DEI advocate, international speaker and certified sex and relationship therapist in the Washington D.C. metro area. Dr. Donna is the owner of private practice, AnnodRight, which specializes in working with Black women on issues related to colorism and texturism and its impacts on mental and sexual health. Dr. Donna specializes in working with Black women to feel Free, Fabulous, and F*cked! She is the author of Cocoa Butter & Hair Grease: A Self Love Journey Through Hair and Skin and the host of a weekly community space for Black women called In My Black Feelings. Dr. Donna collects inspiring quotes, eats donuts, loves pasta, travels to learn, and gives COVID-safe handshakes, warm hugs, and (figurative) knocks on the head. Dr. Oriowo served as DEI Co-chair and Communications Steering Committee Chair for AASECT. She is a member of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN). She can be found on social media @Dr.DonnaOriowo (Instagram and Twitter). OR you can visit her on the interwebs at DonnaOriowo.com OR interact with her by joining the Free, Fabulous, & F*cked Community on Facebook. Be sure to check out Dr. Oriowo's 5-Day Pleasure Challenge Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. Save 25% with code PODCAST at Happier Couples.com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Help! We're not sexually compatible Speaker 2 00:00:05 You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use Tonight. Speaker 0 00:00:14 Welcome Speaker 3 00:00:14 To the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Speaker 1 00:00:20 Hello from Washington DC Speaker 3 00:00:23 Is there a more enthusiastic way to say that? Speaker 1 00:00:25 Good morning, Washington DC Good morning. This is our second stop here in the last couple of weeks. Yeah, Speaker 3 00:00:31 It Speaker 1 00:00:31 Is. We are here for the Sexology Summit in inaugural conference hosted by the folks from Sexpert Consultants and they're doing a great job. It's, it's so nice to be back with colleagues and surrounded by non civilian sex people. Speaker 3 00:00:46 Yeah, I mean, I'm having a great time. I haven't been to a lot of sex conferences. I've been to Sex down South. I've been here. I'm trying to think where else I've been. And definitely meeting people that I've met online and through the podcast. And it's interesting because now I'm actually seeing them, but I feel like I already know them. Like we met Courtney, we saw Courtney Bra the other day. Hang Speaker 1 00:01:05 On though. Courtney Bra is a lot taller than I expected. Yes. He, he's a tall man. Speaker 3 00:01:09 He's, he's a muscular, tall gentleman Speaker 1 00:01:11 In a soft cashmere sweater. My favorite convo, my favorite I you wear He's cashmere. He's a really nice guy. If you let me, I'm gonna touch you. , like, people should really be wearing cashmere pants. . If you want a butt rub, say for, Speaker 3 00:01:24 For the holidays, I, I get cashmere underwear. It's a win-win for everybody.

Sex therapist Dr. Donna Oriowo joins us to answer your questions about sex and relationships. How do you manage sexual incompatibility? What do you do when one of you wants sex all the time and the other has trouble getting in the mood? And how do you get yourself in the mood to be a "giver" when it doesn't come naturally? Dr. Donna Oriowo (oreo-whoa!) LICSW, CST, is an award-winning DEI advocate, international speaker and certified sex and relationship therapist in the Washington D.C. metro area. Dr. Donna is the owner of private practice, AnnodRight, which specializes in working with Black women on issues related to colorism and texturism and its impacts on mental and sexual health. Dr. Donna specializes in working with Black women to feel Free, Fabulous, and F*cked! She is the author of Cocoa Butter & Hair Grease: A Self Love Journey Through Hair and Skin and the host of a weekly community space for Black women called In My Black Feelings. Dr. Donna collects inspiring quotes, eats donuts, loves pasta, travels to learn, and gives COVID-safe handshakes, warm hugs, and (figurative) knocks on the head. Dr. Oriowo served as DEI Co-chair and Communications Steering Committee Chair for AASECT. She is a member of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN). She can be found on social media @Dr.DonnaOriowo (Instagram and Twitter). OR you can visit her on the interwebs at DonnaOriowo.com OR interact with her by joining the Free, Fabulous, & F*cked Community on Facebook. Be sure to check out Dr. Oriowo's 5-Day Pleasure Challenge Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com. Save 25% with code PODCAST at Happier Couples.com.   If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Help! We're not sexually compatible Speaker 2 00:00:05 You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use Tonight. Speaker 0 00:00:14 Welcome Speaker 3 00:00:14 To the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Speaker 1 00:00:20 Hello from Washington DC Speaker 3 00:00:23 Is there a more enthusiastic way to say that? Speaker 1 00:00:25 Good morning, Washington DC Good morning. This is our second stop here in the last couple of weeks. Yeah, Speaker 3 00:00:31 It Speaker 1 00:00:31 Is. We are here for the Sexology Summit in inaugural conference hosted by the folks from Sexpert Consultants and they're doing a great job. It's, it's so nice to be back with colleagues and surrounded by non civilian sex people. Speaker 3 00:00:46 Yeah, I mean, I'm having a great time. I haven't been to a lot of sex conferences. I've been to Sex down South. I've been here. I'm trying to think where else I've been. And definitely meeting people that I've met online and through the podcast. And it's interesting because now I'm actually seeing them, but I feel like I already know them. Like we met Courtney, we saw Courtney Bra the other day. Hang Speaker 1 00:01:05 On though. Courtney Bra is a lot taller than I expected. Yes. He, he's a tall man. Speaker 3 00:01:09 He's, he's a muscular, tall gentleman Speaker 1 00:01:11 In a soft cashmere sweater. My favorite convo, my favorite I you wear He's cashmere. He's a really nice guy. If you let me, I'm gonna touch you. , like, people should really be wearing cashmere pants. . If you want a butt rub, say for, Speaker 3 00:01:24 For the holidays, I, I get cashmere underwear.

Do you have trouble expressing your desires in bed? Are you nervous - to open up about your fantasies? Do you have difficulty tapping into sexual turn-ons? Perhaps the constraints of gender (and the associated shame) are holding you back from experiencing deeper pleasure. Fret not. Dr. Candice Nicole joins Jess & Brandon to help you shed gender shame and bend gender all in the name of hotter sex. Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons is an award-winning associate professor of counselling psychology at the University of Kentucky, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. She is the host; of F*ck the System: A Sexual Liberation Podcast and How to Love a Human, a liberation podcast that asks people with multiple marginalized identities what the world would be like if it loved them. Save 25% with code PODCAST at Happier Couples.com. (See courses below.) If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Can Gender-Bending Improve Sex? Speaker 2 00:00:05 You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use Tonight. Speaker 3 00:00:14 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Speaker 1 00:00:20 Jess. And we're back because we skipped last week. Speaker 3 00:00:22 We did. How do you feel Speaker 1 00:00:24 About that? Not gonna talk about, not gonna talk about it. Honestly, that's the first podcast we've missed in all the years doing this podcast. Speaker 3 00:00:31 All the years. A lot of years. Speaker 1 00:00:32 Many a year. But we're, we're back. And I'm happy to be back and super excited for today's topic because we're talking about gender and sex. And we're going to be joined by Dr. Candace Nicole, who is an award-winning associate professor of counseling, psychology, a sexologist. They work at the University of Kentucky where she studies sexual wellness and liberation and she hosts multiple podcasts herself. She's published over 50 research articles. You probably have seen her in Cosmo, the New York Times, and the like. And she's here to help us break down how considering the possibility of redefining gender can lead to happier relationships and hotter sex. Thank you so much for joining us, Dr. Candace. How you doing today? Speaker 4 00:01:12 I'm doing wonderful, Dr. Jess. It's so good to be here with you. Speaker 1 00:01:15 And tell us, what are you working on these days, Speaker 4 00:01:18 Girl? Trying to get this book proposal accepted by an agent. So that is the word. Speaker 1 00:01:24 Can you tell us anything about the book? Can you tease a little, Speaker 4 00:01:27 Okay, here's a little teaser. So it's going to be about sexual liberation and how these systems of oppression try to fuck it up Speaker 1 00:01:36 And why sex, why? I mean, they're attacking everything, but why sex in particular? Like what? What is it about sex that lets systems exert greater control? Speaker 4 00:01:45 I don't, I don't even know if it's greater control. I just think it's an area where we have an exam, how capitalism and racism and sexism and heterosexism and elitism and all that stuff gets in the way of good sex. Speaker 1 00:01:57 Yeah. And when you say all of those things, I think about performance and I think about pressure and I think about roles, which is really why you're here today. Yes. To help us break down gender roles. And I think when people think about gender inequality,