Podcasts about niobe way

Feeling lonely? You’re not the only one, and it’s not just in your head. The World Health Organization has called loneliness a global health threat, linked to serious physical and mental harm. But researchers say connection is a skill we can relearn, and rebuilding it might just save our lives. This episode originally aired on December 13, 2023. All dates, titles, and references reflect that time and remain unchanged. In this episode: Niobe Way (@niobe_way), New York University Professor of Developmental Psychology Episode credits: This episode was produced by Miranda Lin, Sarí el-Khalili, Zaina Badr, and our guest host Natasha del Toro. Our sound designer is Alex Roldan. Our video editors are Hisham Abu Salah and Mohannad Al-Melhem. Alexandra Locke is the Take’s executive producer. Ney Alvarez is Al Jazeera’s head of audio. Connect with us: @AJEPodcasts on Instagram, X, Facebook, Threads and YouTube

This week, The Pidgin keeps its wits about it and takes on something that's been plaguing our online spaces, and how we interact with them: brainrot. Mind-numbing and addictive, born on TikTok and leaking into real life, brainrot has come to be a quintessential part of contemporary culture. And we're turning it on its head. For our community section, Maggie Stewart talks to sociologist Niobe Way, to Stanford psychologist Judy Chu, and to some of her own male friends, to understand what the internet phenomenon of the TikTok Rizz Party reveals about modern masculinity, and boyhood. Up next, in our culture section, reporters Martiza Roberts and Emilka Puchlaski go to an Everyone Asked About You Concert, and they get the feeling that emo isn't dead, but concert etiquette might be. And for science, we stay on our social science kick, and we have WPRB usual suspect Margo Mattes interviews a sociologist from the Toronto Metropolitan University about the experiences of older adults with social media. This episode of the Pidgin was hosted and produced by Teo Grosu, reported, and recorded by Maggie Stewart, Margo Mattes, Emilka Puchlaski, and Martiza Roberts, and edited by Teo Grosu, Zachary Vernon, Maggie Stewart, Amelia Carneiro-Zhu, Margo Mattes, and Natalia Maidique.(1:54) The TikTok Rizz Party(27:10) Emo Isn't Dead, But Concert Etiquette Might Be(44:11) Not Your Mama's Brainrot

In this episode, Therese Markow and Mark Greene discuss the pervasive issue of mansplaining, a phenomenon where men explain things to women despite their lesser expertise. Mark explains that mansplaining is rooted in "Man Box Culture," a set of rigid masculine rules that discourage emotional expression and promote dominance. He highlights that these rules, which include not showing emotions and being a breadwinner, have been ingrained since the Industrial Revolution and are still prevalent today. Mark emphasizes the need for men to unlearn these behaviors to form meaningful connections and improve their mental health. He also discusses the impact of these cultural norms on men's professional and personal lives, advocating for a shift towards more inclusive and emotionally open masculinity.    Key Takeaways: No culture is monolithic. No culture is non-changeable.  Mansplaining is one direct product of a culture of masculinity that says: Don't show your emotions. Always be tough, be right, know more.. Never talk about anything deep. Man Box Culture is not traditional masculinity The breaking of connection is what leads to Man Box Culture and the increased rates of suicide in teenage boys and mental health challenges in adult men. Authentic, deep, caring relationships require emotional sharing. If you spend your life mansplaining, you don't have connection.   "My work is around the idea that we want to get men to wake up to the limitations of Man Box Culture and shift that culture to a healthier culture of expression and connection." —  Mark Greene   Episode References:  Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608464660  The Man Box Study by Equimundo: https://www.equimundo.org/resources/man-box-study-young-man-us-uk-mexico/  When Boys Become Boys by Judy Chu: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0814764800  Niobe Way: https://www.niobe-way.com/  Catalyst: How Combative Cultures Prevent Men from Interrupting Sexism: https://www.catalyst.org/research/combative-culture-sexism-infographic/  The Good Men Project: https://goodmenproject.com/    Connect with Mark Greene: Website: https://remakingmanhood.com/  Twitter: https://x.com/remakingmanhood  Book: The Little #MeToo Book for Me: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0983466963  Book: The Relational Book for Parenting: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1979378657  Remaking Manhood Podcast: https://remakingmanhood.com/2019/04/01/the-podcast/  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mrkgreene/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remakingmanhood/    Connect with Therese: Website: www.criticallyspeaking.net Threads: @critically_speaking Email: theresemarkow@criticallyspeaking.net   Audio production by Turnkey Podcast Productions. You're the expert. Your podcast will prove it. 

Title: Redefining Masculinity: Mark Grayson on Vulnerability and 'Getting Naked'In this episode of the Mankind Podcast, Boysen chats with Mark Grayson about his book "Getting Naked: A Field Guide for Men," exploring the evolving landscape of masculinity and vulnerability.Mark Grayson, once a corporate leader, found his true calling in redefining manhood. Through his ventures, he has always sought meaningful impact, but his journey into understanding masculinity led him to author a transformative book. A pivotal moment came at a workshop where Mark decided to pose nude, challenging traditional views and embracing vulnerability—an experience that led to personal liberation.Mark's exploration is enriched by insights from influencers like Mark Green and Niobe Way, who have shaped his understanding of "man box culture." These relationships highlight the importance of embracing diversity in redefining masculinity.The Seven-Part JourneyMark's book presents a seven-step journey for men to embrace all facets of their identity, from vulnerability to emotional expression and redefining success. This framework guides men toward a balanced and authentic self.The conversation also explores developing empathy and understanding in relationships, crucial for deepening connections and inspiring cultural change in gender dynamics.Mark is involved in projects that foster spiritual growth and civic engagement, reflecting his holistic approach. His work invites others on a courageous journey toward authentic self-discovery.In "Getting Naked," Mark Grayson challenges societal norms and offers a framework for understanding masculinity, encouraging personal and cultural transformation.Connect with Mark: The Naked Man Collective Get the Book: Getting Naked: A Field Guide for Text Us Your Feedback! (Likes, Dislikes, Guest/Conversation Recommendations). BetterHelp: Get 10% Off Your First Month Of Therapy The ManKind Podcast has partnered with Betterhelp to make it easier for listeners to access licensed mental health therapists who can aid them in their mental health journey. Brandon and Boysen stand by this service as they use BetterHelp for their therapy needs.#Sponsorship #AdSupport the showMagic Mind: Get 50% Off Your Subscription (Black Friday Special) Subscribe/Rate/Review on iTunes ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐: >>>HERE

Cultivating friendships and authentic connection can serve as an antidote to loneliness and mental health challenges. How can we harness these skills in a society that prioritizes independence and rising to the top? In this episode, sponsored by Learning Enterprise at Arizona State University, we talk with young men about masculinity, vulnerability, and close relationships. We also interview Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author, about her research into "boy culture," friendship, and building connection.  To learn more about ASU and This Teenage Life's partnership, go to https://info.learning.asu.edu/this-teenage-life To learn more about Dr. Way's research and read her work, visit https://www.niobe-way.com

Every Saturday, we revisit a story from the archives. This originally aired on December 13, 2023. None of the dates, titles, or other references from that time have been changed. Loneliness is as harmful to a person's health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. The World Health Organization has even declared it a ‘global public health concern,' echoing a warning by the top US health authority. But despite the alarm, experts say there are ways to cultivate a new culture of connection. In this episode: Niobe Way (@niobe_way), New York University Professor of Developmental Psychology Episode credits: This episode was updated by Tamara Khandaker. The original production team was Miranda Lin, Zaina Badr, Sarí el-Khalili, and our host Natasha Del Toro, in for Malika Bilal.  Our sound designer is Alex Roldan. Our video editor is Hisham Abu Salah. Alexandra Locke is The Take's executive producer, and Ney Alvarez is Al Jazeera's head of audio. Connect with us: @AJEPodcasts on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Threads and YouTube

You're listening to Voices of Your Village, and today we get to dive into boy culture and how it affects development with Dr. Niobe Way. For nearly 40 years, NYU developmental psychologist Dr. Niobe Way has been conducting groundbreaking research with teenagers, particularly boys and young men from diverse backgrounds. She's the author of more than 100 peer -reviewed research papers and is a go -to expert for media and the social science community on friendships, loneliness, teenagers, gender stereotypes, masculinity, and the roots of violence. Her work, which focuses on social and emotional development and how cultural ideologies shape child development, has broad appeal and resulted in everything from changes to APA policies and an Oscar -nominated film. Dr. Niobe Way is the author of two books, Deep Secrets and Rebels with a Cause. And this topic that we got to dive into about boy culture and what this means and what it looks like, it feels so dear to my heart as a mom raising a boy and also looking at what we can do to support the boys and men in our culture so that they're allowed to do things like feel sad, and that they aren't suppressing emotions that then come out in sometimes terrifying ways. I am so jazzed for y 'all to get to dive into this conversation. If this podcast is serving you, please take a moment to rate and review the podcast. It helps us serve more folks with free content so that they can build their toolbox right alongside us. Thank you. You are the bomb. All right, folks, let's dive in.  Connect with Dr. Niobe Way: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/niobe-way-75270534 Website: https://niobewaylab.squarespace.com/partners Order the books: Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture, and Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection  Connect with us: Instagram: @seed.and.sew  Podcast page: Voices of Your Village Seed and Sew's Regulation Quiz: Take the Quiz Order Tiny Humans, Big Emotions now!  Website: seedandsew.org Podcast episode with Dr. Nowicki about non verbal communication: How to Raise a Socially Successful Child Music by: Ruby Adams and Bensound Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if deep, intimate, and meaningful friendships could change the world?  Dr. Niobe Way, an internationally renowned Professor of Developmental Psychology at NYU, believes this is the path toward a more humane future. As a leading expert on what she calls the “crisis of connection” affecting boys and men in the U.S. and beyond, Dr. Way draws from over 40 years of research on social and emotional development, exploring how cultural ideologies shape child development and family dynamics. Her research centers around three key insights: (1) boys and men deeply crave meaningful, intimate friendships, (2) our culture stigmatizes male-to-male intimacy, labeling it as soft, feminine, or indicative of same-sex desire, and (3) this cultural failure has fueled a mental health crisis, leading to rising levels of depression, suicide, and mass violence among boys and men. In her latest book, Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture, Dr. Way brings together four decades of research. In our conversation, we discuss her discoveries and how our culture has gendered basic human instincts, prioritizing academic achievement and romantic relationships over friendships. This imbalance has led to a crisis of connection, heightening loneliness, depression, and violence. Dr. Way insists that boys are telling us what they need—we just need to listen. Her earlier book, Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection, inspired the Oscar-nominated film Close, which won the Grand Prix Award at Cannes. Dr. Way is also the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity (PACH) and leads "The Listening Project," an initiative focused on fostering curiosity, connection, and empathy to combat loneliness and anxiety. She has served as President of the Society for Research on Adolescence, holds a doctorate from Harvard School of Education, and completed her postdoctoral fellowship at Yale. This conversation is a must-listen! A thought-provoking discussion on the transformative power of friendships, the cultural barriers boys and men face in seeking them, and why nurturing deep, supportive friendships is essential to addressing many of today's societal challenges. Connect with Zac https://www.instagram.com/zwclark/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/zac-c-746b96254/ https://www.tiktok.com/@zacwclark https://www.strava.com/athletes/55697553 https://twitter.com/zacwclark If you or anyone you know is struggling, please do not hesitate to contact Release: (914) 588-6564 releaserecovery.com @releaserecovery

In today's episode, Dr. Niobe Way- internationally recognized professor of developmental psychology and the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity at NYU joins us for a conversation on boyhood, curiosity, and connection. We explore how boy culture is shaped by societal expectations and how we can redefine it for the better, and how to foster emotional growth and resilience in boys while challenging outdated norms. We also discuss how, in today's world, raising kids with deep curiosity and connection is more important than ever, and how we can nurture meaningful relationships with our children and help them thrive in an increasingly disconnected world.I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK! Order your copy of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans Here: https://bit.ly/3rMLMsLSubscribe to my free newsletter for parenting tips delivered straight to your inbox: https://dralizapressman.substack.com/Follow me on Instagram for more:@raisinggoodhumanspodcast Sponsors:Nordic Naturals: Visit www.nordic.com and use promo code HUMANS for 20% off your next order of omega-3s, vitamins and supplements.SpringHill Suites: Visit Springhillsuites.com to book your next stayKiwico: Get 50% off your first month on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with promo code RGHStrollercoaster: Follow Stroller Coaster on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcastsLittlespoon: Go to LITTLESPOON.COM/HUMANS and enter our code HUMANS at checkout to get 30% OFF your first Little Spoon orderLume: Use code HUMANS for 15% off your first purchase at LumeDeodorant.comPlease note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Niobe Way, author of Rebels with a Cause, talks about the emotional and social lives of boys and what they're telling us about society. Branko Milanovic, author of Visions of Inequality, reviews what economists have said about the topic over the centuries.Behind the News, hosted by Doug Henwood, covers the worlds of economics and politics and their complex interactions, from the local to the global. Find the archive online: https://www.leftbusinessobserver.com/radio.html Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Behind the News, 10/19/24 - guests: Niobe Way on masculinization, Branko Milanovic on economists' view of inequality over the centuries - Doug Henwood

Niobe Way, author of Rebels with a Cause, on the emotional and social lives of boys and what they're telling us about our society • Branko Milanovic, author of Visions of Inequality, reviews what economists have had to say about the topic The post The problem with boys and a history of inequality appeared first on KPFA.

On the 87th episode of the What is a Good Life? podcast, I am delighted to welcome our guest, Dr. Niobe Way. Niobe is Professor of Developmental Psychology at NYU, founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity (PACH; pach.org), and the Principal Investigator of the Listening Project, which fosters curiosity and connection in schools across New York City. Niobe has served as President of the Society for Research on Adolescence (SRA), holds a B.A. from U.C. Berkeley, a doctorate from the Graduate School of Education at Harvard University, and was a postdoctoral fellow at the National Institute of Mental Health at Yale University.With nearly 40 years of experience researching adolescent social and emotional development, Niobe has authored or co-authored over 100 peer-reviewed articles. She is the author of Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection and her latest book, Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture.In this illuminating conversation, Niobe explores what it means to be human and how this is shaped by cultural context, the clash between our nature and culture, and the importance of listening to stories as well as examining data. She highlights the dangers of living in a culture that no longer listens and how much of what is needed for greater connection already exists within us.If your relationships lack the depth and connection you long for, or if you are struggling to cultivate greater intimacy and curiosity in your life, Niobe offers a wealth of insights, anecdotes, and even exercises for you to consider and practise to reveal your innate capacities for connection.Subscribe for weekly episodes, every Tuesday, and check out my YouTube channel (link below) for full interviews and clips.For further content and information check out the following:Niobe's book: https://www.brilliant-books.net/book/9780593184264Niobe's website: https://www.niobe-way.com/Niobe's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/niobe-way-75270534/Photo credit: Daniel Root- For the podcast's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife/videos- My newsletter: https://www.whatisagood.life/- My LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark-mccartney-14b0161b4/Contact me at mark@whatisagood.life if you'd like to further explore your own lines of self-inquiry or create experiences that lead to more connecting and genuine conversations amongst groups of people or you'd like to join my weekly silent conversation groups.00:00 Introduction03:00 What it means to be human06:30 Crossing the lines11:57 What different groups can teach us about ourselves15:10 Privileging the hard over the soft20:55 Interpersonal curiosity24:00 Thin and thick stories27:00 Breaking stereotypes through stories32:30 Living in a culture that no longer listens40:00 Innate intelligence we have forgotten42:30 The root of our suffering and illness48:05 The fear of not being seen as we see ourselves53:17 The natural skills within us to solve our problems1:01:42 What is a good life for Niobe?

Original Air Date: 8/23/2023 For decades, we have rightly been focused on dialing back endemic misogyny and poking holes in the patriarchy in the hopes of a new normal of gender relations emerging that would be genuinely healthier for everyone, not just women. But, with so much of the focus on the type of masculinity men and boys shouldn't embrace, we may have fallen short on giving positive direction to boys about what they should be and do. Be part of the show! Leave us a message or text at 202-999-3991 or email Jay@BestOfTheLeft.com BestOfTheLeft.com/Support (Members Get Bonus Shows + No Ads!) Join our Discord community! SHOW NOTES Ch. 1: Andrew Tate & Re-examining Masculinity - Long Story Short The Daily Show - Air Date 4-21-23 Jordan Klepper looks at Andrew Tate and breaks down how a void of role models has harmful consequences for young boys. Ch. 2: The new crisis of masculinity - The Gray Area - Air Date 8-7-23 What does masculinity mean these days? Sean Illing speaks with Christine Emba, a columnist at The Washington Post who wrote the piece “Men are lost. Here's a map out of the wilderness.” Ch. 3: The New Masculinity - ON BOYS podcast - Air Date 4-27-23 Boys and men, Manley says, are caught between traditional definitions and understandings of masculinity, and a future definition that hasn't been fully defined. Ch. 4: Redefining Masculinity and Embracing Vulnerability - The Daily Show Beyond the Scenes - Air Date 3-7-23 Host Roy Wood Jr. sits down with the co-founder of “A Call to Men,” Ted Bunch, and developmental psychology professor at NYU, Niobe Way, to chat about boys' friendships and how therapy could be transformative for a lot of men. Ch. 5: What Does Positive Masculinity Look Like? - Paging Dr. NerdLove - Air Date 4-12-18 Toxic masculinity doesn't mean that being a man is toxic, bad, or even undesirable. At the same time, non-toxic or positive masculinity doesn't mean apologizing for being a man or trying to be as gender-neutral as possible. Ch. 6: What is Positive Masculinity: How Patriarchy Oppresses Men - Swolesome - Air Date 12-2-22 Looking at what patriarchy teaches boys to do Ch. 7: Redefining Masculinity and Embracing Vulnerability Part 2 - The Daily Show Beyond the Scenes - Air Date 3-7-23 Ch. 8: The New Masculinity Part 2 - ON BOYS podcast - Air Date 4-27-23 Ch. 9: Why Allan Energy Is The New “Big D_CK Energy” - Barbie Movie - Fashionistas - Air date 8-4-23 Examining positive masculinity through Allen from The Barbie Movie FINAL COMMENTS Ch. 10: Final comments on why emotionally stunted men are a social, not individual, problem

Frank starts the third hour talking about a terrible hazing incident that resulted in the death of a college student. He also talks with Dr. Niobe Way, a NYU professor of developmental psychology. Her book is Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture. They talk about why boys and men are having such a hard time in today's society. Frank then names Listener of the Week and gives the conspiracy of the day about warning people in the past about future tragedies by utilizing a black hole. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Frank starts the show talking with space expert and radio host Steve Kates a.k.a. Dr. Sky. They discuss the blue moon, how the dinosaurs were wiped out, Space X's Polaris Dawn mission and much more. Frank talks about the benefits of cursive writing on the brain. He then talks with Dr. Brian Rosenwald, a political & media historian and the author of Talk Radio's America. They review the first two days of the Democratic National Convention and they also discuss the future of radio. Frank gives the UFO report about a mysterious signal coming from Mars. Frank starts the third hour talking about a terrible hazing incident that resulted in the death of a college student. He also talks with Dr. Niobe Way, a NYU professor of developmental psychology. Her book is Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture. They talk about why boys and men are having such a hard time in today's society. Frank then names Listener of the Week and gives the conspiracy of the day about warning people in the past about future tragedies by utilizing a black hole. Frank wraps up the show talking about a statement by RFK Jr. 's running mate, Nicole Shanahan on dropping out of the race to endorse Trump. He is also joined by Noam Laden for News You Can Use.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Niobe Way, NYU professor of developmental psychology book, "Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture” Topic: Why boys/men are having such a hard time Bio: https://steinhardt.nyu.edu/people/niobe-way  Website: Niobe-way.com Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/667368/rebels-with-a-cause-by-niobe-way/ Social Media; https://x.com/niobe_way?lang=en https://www.instagram.com/wayniobe/ https://urldefense.com/v3/__https://www.linkedin.com/in/niobe-way-75270534/__;!!GLfh-cLJdg!YZGnecCsWBFRjU5aLgO99Uued6AAL_Hi2-ItEUPCXe8hcpYu8DTpFZV48onwokAIcSUSiIR9cIkcpTQIZQlboA$ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

NYU professor of developmental psychology Niobe Way says don't just have a 'boy problem', we have a human problem.

“What I became aware of when I started writing about resistance, and I thought, the healthy body resists infection. We have an immune system. And the healthy psyche resists a culture that's going to infect us psychologically, that's going to keep us from basically being able to function psychologically. And what I realized is that there is, I mean, you see little boys going to school and they come up against it in this school, pre-kindergarten, kindergarten, where to be one of the boys they have to be tough. And then you see girls and adolescents coming into, where to be included, not excluded, to be one of the girls that people want to be with. And that's when you get there. You have to be nice. You have to be seemingly perfect. You know, she's good at everything. She's good at drawing and she's good at sports. And she never, you know, that kind of thing. And so what I'm trying to say is there's a force in the world that you're up against with this kind of stuff. It's not just coming from inside people.” So says Dr. Carol Gilligan, esteemed professor and developmental psychologist, who is the author of a landmark book called In a Different Voice—a book that I talk about and write about all the time. Back in the ‘80s—Gilligan is 87 now and still working—she looked at all the research from the likes of Lawrence Kohlberg and Piaget and made a stunning and obvious realization: These developmental psychologist giants had only ever studied boys. Typically white, middle-class boys. In response, Gilligan did a study on girls and moral development, a groundbreaking look into how culture genders our response to the world: Gilligan found that for girls, morality is relational and rooted in care—not so much law—and that fear of separation from relationship encouraged these girls to stop saying what they know. She struggled to get this study published—it was rejected multiple times—and has since become the most requested reprint out of Harvard. It also became the subject of In a Different Voice, which has sold 500,000 copies—unheard of in academic publishing. Everything that Carol Gilligan shares with us in this conversation is a revelation and also deeply resonant—and something you will know to be true. Before I go, if you missed Niobe Way's episode from a few weeks ago, tune in to that next—Niobe was Carol's student, and has done for boys what Carol has done for girls. MORE FROM CAROL GILLIGAN: In a Different Voice In a Human Voice Why Does Patriarchy Persist? Carol Gilligan's Website Niobe Way's Episode: “The Critical Need for Deep Connection” FROM MY NEWSLETTER: “What Valley Girl's Tell Us” “What Are We ‘Really, Actually” Saying “The Achilles Heel of Women”  “How to Keep Caring”  “Why is it So Hard to Scream?” EPISODES IN THE “GROWING UP” SERIES: Niobe Way, “The Critical Need for Deep Connection” Harvey Karp, M.D., ”The Long-Term Implication of Sleep” Carissa Schumacher To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does America have problem with its boys and men? Yes, says author of Boys and Men, Richard Reeves, a previous guest on KEEN ON. Today's guest, Niobe Way, a NYU professor of developmental psychology, give a more nuanced answer. The author of the Rebels With a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves and our Culture, Way argues that the crisis is one of a culture of “masculinity”. It's our stereotyped “boy” culture which particularly troubles Way. What boys and men want, she argues, are close friendships and meaningful family relationships. But America's “toxic” culture, with its focus on the supposedly masculine values of status and achievement, Way says, isn't allowing its boys to be boys and its men to become real men.Niobe Way is Professor of Developmental Psychology at NYU, the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity (PACH; pach.org), creative advisor of agapi, and the Principal Investigator on the Listening Project. She was the President of the Society for Research on Adolescence (SRA), received her B.A. from U.C. Berkeley, her doctorate from the Graduate School of Education at Harvard University, and was an National Institute of Mental Health postdoctoral fellow at Yale University in the psychology department. Her work focuses on social and emotional development and how cultural ideologies shape families and child development in the U.S. and China. She has been researching social and emotional development of adolescents for 35 years, and has authored or co-authored over one hundred peer reviewed journal articles and seven single authored, co-authored, or co-edited books. Her latest co-edited book is The Crisis of Connection: Its Roots, Consequences, and Solution (NYU Press). She has also co-edited with Judy Chu, Adolescents Boys: Exploring Diverse Cultures of Boyhood (NYU Press). Her last single authored book is Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection (Harvard University Press), which was the inspiration for “Close” a movie that won the Grand Prix Award at Cannes Film Festival and was nominated for an Oscar for best foreign film. She is regularly featured in mainsteam media speaking on the topics of boys, friendships, loneliness, teenagers, gender stereotypes, masculinity, and the roots of violence.Named as one of the "100 most connected men" by GQ magazine, Andrew Keen is amongst the world's best known broadcasters and commentators. In addition to presenting KEEN ON, he is the host of the long-running How To Fix Democracy show. He is also the author of four prescient books about digital technology: CULT OF THE AMATEUR, DIGITAL VERTIGO, THE INTERNET IS NOT THE ANSWER and HOW TO FIX THE FUTURE. Andrew lives in San Francisco, is married to Cassandra Knight, Google's VP of Litigation & Discovery, and has two grown children.Keen On is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit keenon.substack.com/subscribe

“You can't be independent if you're not deeply connected. So what happens to a child that's not deeply connected? What actually happens? Guess what happens? They don't feel the confidence to be able to take risks. They don't feel the confidence to go out and be self-sufficient. They don't feel the confidence in doing it. So we're actually backbiting, right? We're kicking ourselves in the asses when we just focus on independence. Because we need to give them the skills to be able to be independent, which are relational skills, which is knowing that when I need help, I can turn to you and you will help me and I will help you when you need it. So then you can go off and take a risk or go and live in a new city or go have your own apartment and know that you can lean on me when you need to. And so to me, the attachment story that comes out, at this point, almost a century of research on attachment is a gorgeous, gorgeous story.” So says Dr. Niobe Way, an internationally-recognized Professor of Developmental Psychology, the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity (PACH) at NYU, and the Director of the Science of Human Connection Lab. She is also a Principal Investigator of the Listening Project, funded by the Spencer Foundation, the Chan-Zuckerberg Initiative and the Rockefeller Foundation. When she was a student, Niobe studied with Carol Gilligan—if you read my newsletter or listen to this podcast, you know Carol is a hero of mine and will be wrapping up this series as a guest. Niobe has done for boys what Carol has done for girls—and their research intersects and Venn diagrams in fascinating ways. While Carol's research shows that girls come to not know what they know, Niobe traces how boys disconnect from their caring and often enter a period of irrevocably devastating and dangerous loneliness. Niobe is the author of Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection as well as the just-released, Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture, which offers fascinating insight into our culture at large. Along with historical context, Niobe offers beautiful case studies from her research—following and interviewing boys as they grow up—along with notes from boys who have gone on to wreak havoc on the culture, in homicidal and suicidal ways. These notes speak to disconnection, extreme loneliness, and feeling like nobody cares. As I talk about my book in living rooms around the country, I often cite Niobe and Carol Gilligan, specifically the insight that at a certain point—around 8 for boys, and 11 for girls—the word “don't” enters children's vocabulary. For girls, it's “I don't know.” For boys, it's “I don't care.” And of course, girls knows. And of course, boys care. We need to repair our culture so it's safe for them to stay connected. As you can tell, I'm very excited for this conversation. MORE FROM NIOBE WAY, PhD: Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection The Crisis of Connection: Roots, Consequences, and Solutions Niobe Way's Website To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, we had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Niobe Way about her new book, Rebels with a Cause, which expands on her earlier work about boys and friendships. Niobe explores "boy culture," a term she uses to describe the privileging of stereotypically masculine qualities over feminine ones. As she discusses, this creates a crisis of connection for everyone, not just boys and men. Niobe further emphasizes that "hard" and "soft" skills are equally important for being a full human, and should stop being gendered. She also discusses how this cultural imbalance regarding skills affects parenting, research, and societal issues. She encourages parents to foster emotional sensitivity and perspective-taking in their children and to model self-reflection and curiosity. Additionally, Niobe emphasizes the importance of prioritizing relationships and listening to others.  Please join Dr. Way for her book launch of Rebels with a Cause on July 9th at McNally Jackson, Seaport, 4 Fulton Street, New York, NY at 6:30pm.  RSVP

Hi, It's Elise, host of Pulling the Thread. Starting next Monday, I'm doing another special series—this one is about growing up, and no, it's definitely not just for parents. It's mostly about re-parenting, or understanding the driving factors of how we all come to understand the world. You'll hear from four very different voices about childhood, social programming, and development. Two are pioneers in gender development: One of my all-time heroes, developmental psychologist Carol Gilligan, who I write about in my Substack all-the-time who wrote In a Different Voice in the ‘80s, is joining me on the show, and so is Niobe Way, who does for boys what Carol Gilligan does for girls. I'm also talking with legendary pediatrician Harvey Karp, creator of The Happiest Baby on the Block, the founder of the Snoo, and an ardent and early environmentalist—and Carissa Schumacher, a full-body psychic medium and dear friend who is going to talk to us about what it's like to raise and be a highly empathic and intuitive person—and how you can retain and develop those abilities. Or shut them down. It will be a great series, coming every Monday for the next month. I'll see you every Thursday for a regular episode. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, we are joined by Drs Marc Brackett and Niobe Way to discuss the importance of human connection for children, teenagers, and adults. We talk about the significance of supportive relationships for healthy social emotional development, and the potential negative effects of a lack of supportive relationships, including violence and self-harm. Further, Marc and Niobe dive into the topic of relational intelligence and ways in which this can be understood and learned. Finally, we discuss how parents can find ways to be the person their children can turn to and how they can go from passing judgment to being curious role models. To learn more about Dr. Marc Brackett please visit: https://www.marcbrackett.com and howwefeel.org To learn more about Dr. Niobe Way please visit:  https://steinhardt.nyu.edu/people/niobe-way and listen to her Ted talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFsZsn7SRAc   To learn more about Dr. Way's research and the movie Close please visit: https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/movies/story/2023-01-27/lukas-dhont-close-oscar-nominee

Is there a cure for the loneliness epidemic? Loneliness is as harmful to a person's health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. The World Health Organization has even declared it a ‘global public health concern,' echoing a warning by the top US health authority. But despite the alarm, experts say there are ways to cultivate a new culture of connection.  In this episode:  Niobe Way (@niobe_way), New York University Professor of Developmental Psychology Episode credits: This episode was produced by Miranda Lin and host Natasha Del Toro, in for Malika Bilal. Zaina Badr and Sarí el-Khalili fact-checked this episode. Our sound designer is Alex Roldan. Our lead of audience development and engagement is Aya Elmileik and Adam Abou-Gad is our engagement producer. Alexandra Locke is The Take's executive producer, and Ney Alvarez is Al Jazeera's head of audio. Connect with us: @AJEPodcasts on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Threads and YouTube

A meditation on David Whyte's poem "The Well of Grief". I explore how depth psychology, affective neuroscience and Niobe Way's work on gender stereotypes helps inform my work with men's grief in therapy. The Well of Grief (David Whyte) Those who will not slip beneath    the still surface on the well of grief,turning down through its black water    to the place we cannot breathe,will never know the source from which we drink,    the secret water, cold and clear,nor find in the darkness glimmering,    the small round coins,          thrown by those who wished for something else.

Air Date 8/23/2023 For decades, we have rightly been focused on dialing back endemic misogyny and poking holes in the patriarchy in the hopes of a new normal of gender relations emerging that would be genuinely healthier for everyone, not just women. But, with so much of the focus on the type of masculinity men and boys shouldn't embrace, we may have fallen short on giving positive direction to boys about what they should be and do. Be part of the show! Leave us a message or text at 202-999-3991 or email Jay@BestOfTheLeft.com Transcript BestOfTheLeft.com/Support (Members Get Bonus Clips and Shows + No Ads!) Join our Discord community! SHOW NOTES Ch. 1: Andrew Tate & Re-examining Masculinity - Long Story Short The Daily Show - Air Date 4-21-23 Jordan Klepper looks at Andrew Tate and breaks down how a void of role models has harmful consequences for young boys. Ch. 2: The new crisis of masculinity - The Gray Area - Air Date 8-7-23 What does masculinity mean these days? Sean Illing speaks with Christine Emba, a columnist at The Washington Post who wrote the piece “Men are lost. Here's a map out of the wilderness.” Ch. 3: The New Masculinity - ON BOYS podcast - Air Date 4-27-23 Boys and men, Manley says, are caught between traditional definitions and understandings of masculinity, and a future definition that hasn't been fully defined. Ch. 4: Redefining Masculinity and Embracing Vulnerability - The Daily Show Beyond the Scenes - Air Date 3-7-23 Host Roy Wood Jr. sits down with the co-founder of “A Call to Men,” Ted Bunch, and developmental psychology professor at NYU, Niobe Way, to chat about boys' friendships and how therapy could be transformative for a lot of men. Ch. 5: What Does Positive Masculinity Look Like? - Paging Dr. NerdLove - Air Date 4-12-18 Toxic masculinity doesn't mean that being a man is toxic, bad, or even undesirable. At the same time, non-toxic or positive masculinity doesn't mean apologizing for being a man or trying to be as gender-neutral as possible. Ch. 6: What is Positive Masculinity: How Patriarchy Oppresses Men - Swolesome - Air Date 12-2-22 Looking at what patriarchy teaches boys to do Ch. 7: Redefining Masculinity and Embracing Vulnerability Part 2 - The Daily Show Beyond the Scenes - Air Date 3-7-23 MEMBERS-ONLY BONUS CLIP(S) Ch. 8: The New Masculinity Part 2 - ON BOYS podcast - Air Date 4-27-23 Ch. 9: Why Allan Energy Is The New “Big D_CK Energy” - Barbie Movie - Fashionistas - Air date 8-4-23 Examining positive masculinity through Allen from The Barbie Movie FINAL COMMENTS Ch. 10: Final comments on why emotionally stunted men are a social, not individual, problem MUSIC (Blue Dot Sessions)   Produced by Jay! Tomlinson Visit us at BestOfTheLeft.com Listen Anywhere! BestOfTheLeft.com/Listen Listen Anywhere! Follow at Twitter.com/BestOfTheLeft Like at Facebook.com/BestOfTheLeft Contact me directly at Jay@BestOfTheLeft.com

From a young age, boys are inundated with messages that teach them not to cry, openly express emotions, or show any sign of weakness for fear of appearing weak or feminine. And as a result, men experience a lack of intimacy and close friendships. Host Roy Wood Jr. sits down with the co-founder of  “A Call to Men,” Ted Bunch, and developmental psychology professor at NYU, Niobe Way, to chat about how boy's friendships evolve as they get older, the additional cultural pressures that Black and Brown men face, what men can do to prioritize their mental health, and how therapy could be transformative for a lot of men.   Original air date: March 7, 2023   Watch the original segment:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pmiHDeTi-w See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Niobe Way, NYU professor, researcher, and author of Deep Secrets, joins Charles and I to talk about boy's crisis of connection. Way's book Deep Secrets is the inspiration for Director Lukas Dhont's 2022 film Close, nominated for Best Foreign Film at the 95th Academy Awards and winner of the Grand Prix at the Cannes Film Festival. In this wide ranging conversation we pose a simple question. We know what's at the root of boys' challenges. Thanks to Dhont's powerfully conceived and directed film we have an unprecedented opportunity to pay renewed attention to what boys have been saying in over three decades of Way's research. Will we finally listen? Niobe Way's book Deep Secrets is available here. *** As a writer, speaker and consultant, Mark Greene has spent over a decade deconstructing our binary-riddled dialogues around manhood and masculinity. He consults to organizations world wide on diversity, inclusion and masculinity. Mark is the author of ⁠The Little #MeToo Book for Men,⁠ ⁠Remaking Manhood⁠ and is co-author with Dr. Saliha Bava of ⁠The Relational Book for Parenting Their newest book is The Relational Workplace. You can learn more about Mark's work at ⁠RemakingManhood.com⁠ Charles Matheus is an educator and public speaker who has mentored hundreds of men in communication, leadership, & emotional growth. You can learn more about his work at ⁠CharlesMatheus.com⁠ and/or by requesting to join the Facebook Group, ⁠Redefining Strength⁠. Contact: ⁠mark@remakingmanhood.com⁠ ⁠charles@charlesmatheus.com⁠ Theme music composed by Gus Greene. Click here for links to his music ⁠on most streaming services.  ⁠

Dr. Niobe Way is a professor of Applied Psychology at NYU, where she's the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity. Her decades-long research focuses on addressing the “crisis of connection”—a cultural phenomenon of loneliness that plagues our nation. She joins Preet to discuss what's causing this crisis, and how to fix it. Plus, could DOJ strike a plea deal with Trump that would require him to give up his bid for the presidency? And a backstage look at how Preet prepares for Stay Tuned interviews. Don't miss the Insider bonus, where Preet and Way discuss how to be a better friend and maintain strong personal relationships. To listen, try the membership for just $1 for one month: cafe.com/insider.     For show notes and a transcript of the episode head to: https://cafe.com/stay-tuned/loneliness-crisis-trump-indictment-niobe-way/  Tweet your questions to @PreetBharara with the hashtag #AskPreet, email us your questions and comments at staytuned@cafe.com, or call 669-247-7338 to leave a voicemail. Stay Tuned with Preet is brought to you by CAFE and the Vox Media Podcast Network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

From a young age, boys are inundated with messages that teach them not to cry, openly express emotions, or show any sign of weakness for fear of appearing weak or feminine. And as a result, men experience a lack of intimacy and close friendships. Host Roy Wood Jr. sits down with the co-founder of  “A Call to Men,” Ted Bunch, and developmental psychology professor at NYU, Niobe Way, to chat about how boy's friendships evolve as they get older, the additional cultural pressures that Black and Brown men face, what men can do to prioritize their mental health, and how therapy could be transformative for a lot of men.  Beyond the Scenes is a podcast from The Daily Show. Listen to new episodes every Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts, or watch at YouTube.com/TheDaily Show See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From a young age, boys are inundated with messages that teach them not to cry, openly express emotions, or show any sign of weakness for fear of appearing weak or feminine. And as a result, men experience a lack of intimacy and close friendships. Host Roy Wood Jr. sits down with the co-founder of  “A Call to Men,” Ted Bunch, and developmental psychology professor at NYU, Niobe Way, to chat about how boy's friendships evolve as they get older, the additional cultural pressures that Black and Brown men face, what men can do to prioritize their mental health, and how therapy could be transformative for a lot of men.   Watch the original segment:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pmiHDeTi-w See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, we are joined by Drs Marc Brackett and Niobe Way to discuss the importance of human connection for children, teenagers, and adults. We talk about the significance of supportive relationships for healthy social emotional development, and the potential negative effects of a lack of supportive relationships, including violence and self-harm. Further, Marc and Niobe dive into the topic of relational intelligence and ways in which this can be understood and learned. Finally, we discuss how parents can find ways to be the person their children can turn to and how they can go from passing judgment to being curious role models. To learn more about Dr. Marc Brackett please visit: https://www.marcbrackett.com and howwefeel.org To learn more about Dr. Niobe Way please visit:  https://steinhardt.nyu.edu/people/niobe-way and listen to her Ted talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFsZsn7SRAc   To learn more about Dr. Way's research and the movie Close please visit: https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/movies/story/2023-01-27/lukas-dhont-close-oscar-nominee  

Dr. Niobe Way is a developmental psychologist with a focus on adolescent friendship who has studied human connection for over 35 years. In this episode, she gives insight into what makes childhood boy friendships easy, but adult male friendships hard, how American masculinity creates lonely & depressed men & steps we can take for lifelong connection.If you liked this episode, you'll also like episode 144: DO I HAVE ANY REAL FRIENDS? RECALIBRATING POST-PANDEMICGuest: https://www.linkedin.com/in/niobe-way-75270534/ | https://twitter.com/niobe_way  | Deep Secrets Book https://a.co/d/66Eky0A | The Crisis of Connection Book https://a.co/d/7fbeQtMHost:  https://www.meredithforreal.com/  | https://www.instagram.com/meredithforreal/  | meredith@meredithforreal.com | https://www.youtube.com/meredithforreal  | https://www.facebook.com/meredithforrealthecuriousintrovertSponsors: https://uwf.edu/university-advancement/departments/historic-trust/ | https://www.ensec.net/

Today we are re-airing our episode with Professor Niobe Way. Dr. Way is a Professor of Developmental Psychology, and the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity, at New York University. She is also the mother of two children. Professor Way discusses social connectedness, and how parents can support their younger children and teens in building relationships with themselves and others. We delve in depth into how supporting children's connections, friendship, and relationship is a vital component of supporting their mental health and social-emotional needs. Further, we discuss Dr Way's research on the specific ways that certain mindsets and cultures impact boys' and girls' development.   For more information on Dr. Niobe Way and her lab please visit: https://steinhardt.nyu.edu/people/niobe-way https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-crisis-connection/201809/the-crisis-connection-roots-consequences-and-solutions https://www.tedmed.com/speakers/show?id=729990 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-crisis-connection/201912/the-cultural-roots-loneliness-and-violence https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-crisis-connection/201809/the-crisis-connection-roots-consequences-and-solutions https://www.tedmed.com/speakers/show?id=729990 For more information on Cooper please visit us on instagram @your_cooper and on-line at beta.yourcooper.com . If you are interested in joining a Cooper group please click join Cooper, where you'll fill out a brief onboarding to tell us more about yourself, your family and your parenting needs. Enter code 'ParentingUnderstood' at checkout to receive 20% off your Cooper Membership!'

In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Professor Niobe Way, a professor of developmental psychology and the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity at New York University.  They discuss recognizing the need for closeness and intimacy in boys. The conversation includes why boys have been keeping their desire to have close relationships with fellow boys hidden, the true meaning of deep friendships and how society has gradually been distorting it, and what toxic masculinity is and how it can be prevented. Links: Professor Niobe Way's Webpage: Website: https://steinhardt.nyu.edu/people/niobe-way  Show Notes: (03:10) How Dr. Niobe Way discovered the deep secret that every boy in the world keeps (04:20) How culture is urging boys to keep their need for intimate relationships among other boys a secret (05:17) What each boy who had not grown out of touch with their feelings, unlike the majority, have in common (07:56) Can boys in college form lifelong friendships with other males? (09:04) How can you tell if you and your fellow guy friend actually have a deep friendship? (10:20) What society and their stereotypes is still getting wrong about boys (11:49) What is toxic masculinity? (12:24) Redefining society's concept of what makes boys, boys; aka “boy culture” (14:08) Gender identity and fluidity: are pronouns really the problem? (16:44) How the definition of friendship has been distorted by today's day and age (19:05) Can close friendships outside of your marriage prevent divorce?  (19:47) The 2 things every marriage needs in order to last (20:50) The best piece of advice for every boy mom and dad (21:01) How to get boys to talk openly about their needs instead of engaging in toxic masculinity (22:26) Why you should ask questions and let your boys make their own deductions instead of imposing your beliefs of how males should act or feel  Transcript: Susan Stone: Today's topic is understanding boys and their need for close connection and intimacy. You know, Kristina, when we started out. Our practice, we were mostly representing young men who were involved in disciplinary situations. And it wasn't until recently that I would say our statistics have evened out to a more balanced representation, but we're also the mother of boys. And I think we can both say that having both boys and girls as children and clients, boys are just as sensitive as girls. Wouldn't you think that?  Kristina Supler: Oh, absolutely. I know my, my son is, is. In some ways, if we have the gender stereotypes, there's almost role reversal there. My son versus my daughter. But you know, it's interesting at today's topic regarding boys and intimacy, because I think that through the pandemic, if there's one thing we've really honed in on, it's the fact that all humans really crave connection. Susan Stone: It's a really good point. And with that, why don't you introduce today's guest who's gonna really speak about the topic of boys craving close connection.  Kristina Supler: Today we're pleased to be joined by Professor Niobe Way, who is a professor of developmental psychology and the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity at New York University. She's also the past president of the Society for Research on Adolescence and Co-Director of the Center for Research on Culture Development and Education at nyu. Professor Way's work focuses on the intersections of culture, context, and human development with a particular focus on social and emotional development, and how cultural ideologies influence developmental trajectories. Dr. Niobe Way: That was a mouthful. That is a mouthful. ,  Kristina Supler: thank you so much for joining us Professor Way. We're pleased to have you.  Susan Stone: So let's kick it off with your book that we read and Deep Secrets. Deep Secrets by Doctor or Professor Niobe Way. The premise of your books is that boys crave close connection and that our culture stymies that development of deep friendships in the teenage years. Does that accurately summarize your book, Professor?  Dr. Niobe Way: Yeah, absolutely. And first I wanna say thank you for having me on. I love, this is my favorite topic I've been wanting to engage this conversation, uh, at this point for decades, so I'm, I'm glad that's getting more attention right now, which I think we should talk about at some point. Why is it getting more attention right now?  But but yeah, that does summarize my book. And the thing that's interesting to me is that I have been making these observations and then interviewing boys since the late eighties where they're telling me the same story. By now, it's sort of thousands of boys. I follow them over time. Since I'm a developmental psychologist, I follow the same boys over time. And you get the same story. I got the same story in the early 1980s as I'm, I am getting now. I, I follow boys in different countries, not just the United States. And I get the same story, which is that essentially. They start off in early adolescence when I usually start the interviews, interviewing them about also of parts of their lives, not just their friendships. I interview them about their family relationships and school, et cetera, et cetera, identities. And then we get to a, uh, the section on friendships and investigating friendships, and pretty much the story is same around the world. Which is boys talk about at 11, 12, 13, 14, sometimes into 15 as well. Um, their desire for close friendships, their desire for what boys call it, deep secret friendships, which is they're able to tell, share their secrets with other boys, and specifically with other boys. They, they, some of the boys, we can talk about this. Some of the boys have friendships with girls, of course. That's normal too. But what's interesting to me is that boys will also say even if they have friendships that are girls, they'll talk about wanting friendships, intimate friendships with boys in which they can share their deep secrets. And as they get older, as you mentioned , uh, you know, and we'll talk about, it's specifically an American culture, but American culture gets globalized unfortunately in this, in this respect. That they, it's perceived now the intimacy is perceived as so-called girly and gay. And even in a culture, and this is interesting to me, even in a culture that's becoming more open to different sexualities, it still pathologizes being sort of gay in a homophobic way and thus discouraged for boys, especially boys who identify as straight. And so they struggle to hold onto their friendships as they get older. And many boys, by the time they're young men, are struggling with issues of isolation and loneliness and frustration to not be able to find the friendships they have.  And one thing I do wanna throw out there, just so it can be part of our conversation, Some boys who are an exception to that. And I wanna talk about why I think they, you do get exceptions to that. It sounds like your son makes,  Kristina Supler: What are the exceptions? Yeah, Yeah. Well, that's great. Tell us about that.  Dr. Niobe Way: So, what's interesting to me is, so, so the, the general pattern is that sense of, as the pressures to man up happen over time, through adolescence, boys start to disconnect from their feelings and are sound more, uh, frustrated and angry and sad. Or just disconnected rather than that sort of lovely voice of wanting deep friendships.  The exceptions of the boys that are able to hold onto their friendships. And even through the five, six years of our studies, they, they are able to hold onto these, this close friendship and they sound sort of consistently quite satisfied and happy in their friendships. And the, the key difference in, and I had a student who did a dissertation on this. Was that they had relationships with at least one member of their family that was very, very close. So, and typically it was their mother and sometimes it was their sister. But it was somebody in the family in which they could really be themselves with. And that actually, this is what I wanna say to all mothers and all fathers and all family members, that actually nurtures our human capacity to deeply connect to others because you're learning the skill of it. It's getting encouraged in you. You know the skills. So when there's a problem in the friendship, you know how to deal with it. So it really was having at least one member, and typically it was the mom who actually nurtured that kind of deep connection that allowed the boy to take those skills and use it with their friends. Susan Stone: Professor way, I wanna challenge you a little bit on this. Yes. Because, Contrary to what I think a lot of people will argue, the dangers of fraternities, the pros, the good things about fraternities, and Kristina and I were just on Fraternity Foodie, the podcast. Yep. I will say when we work with boys and fraternities, that they feel very intensely connected to their fraternity brothers. What do you think, Kristina?  Kristina Supler: Well, it's interesting because oftentimes I feel like in those cases, Inevitably things get upside down in, in some respect and relationships. I, I think we regularly see our male students realize that those bonds they thought they had actually weren't as deep and when, when the going got tough, Yeah. All of a sudden, you know, the student, our clients, felt on an island and it's sort of shocking. Like I thought these were my brothers, the deepness. I mean, that's sort of what I see often.  Susan Stone: But on the other hand, I wanna challenge you. We've had, especially in um, certain cases where the boys really did cry over losses together. Sure. Share their feelings. Yeah. Um, and you do see boys during their college years form friendships that last a lifetime.  Dr. Niobe Way: Yeah, I mean, I, I absolutely, I mean that, that's why I said it was important to talk about sort of boys who were able to, I, I'll, I'm gonna answer both of your, your comments boys who are able to hang on to their closest and their vulnerability, and it really is in some sense the, the issue you raise about, Thinking they're close, but they're not as close as they expected was, is a common thing. So oftentimes I, I do a lot of interviews. I do a lot of radio interviews. And I will get men calling me and saying you know, I have, I have lots of friendships. I don't know what you're talking about. And I'll say, Okay. So that's what, first of all, that's wonderful cuz it's nice to have lots of friendships.  And then what we'll get into conversations is there's somebody you could go to if there's something that happens between you and your wife? Or something that happens that's quite vulnerable for you. And he, and then it'll very quickly turn into, well, no, no, no, I wouldn't talk about that. No, I wouldn't talk about that. And then it turns into often, not all the time, but oftentimes I know conversation. Well, it would be nice to have someone to talk about that stuff with. So the, the friendships that boys are really asking for in early adolescent, is not the sort of bromance, uh, the stereotypical brother, which a lot of boys want also.  But oftentimes the boy or the friendships is they're really talking about those they can be very, very vulnerable with, reveal their weaknesses, talk about their insecurities with. And I find that fraternity brothers, which I've certainly interviewed lots of them often times say there's a, there's a sort of a facade of closeness that they have to have as fraternity brothers. But once you scratch the surface, many of them don't feel like they can re really reveal their insecurities and their sense of that they're not quite good enough. All those feelings that most people have especially in college context. So, I think that the desire to have those sort of deep secret friendships where you can truly be vulnerable with that person and not just cry actually, but actually reveal your insecurities with and try to work them through I just think is, uh, is what they're looking for. Now I have to say, cuz we're all moms of sons it doesn't necessarily mean that they find these friends, even if they want them, . So I'm saying even in early adolescence that the theme is that boys talk about wanting them. And then you get a lot of boys, including my son who didn't necessarily find those friendships in early adolescents and middle adolescents. And only, I would say really found them in, in, uh, in eventually in college. Uh, but the idea is that that desire is, is very, very clear. And we don't think it's a desire that boys have. And I have to throw out this cuz it's really important. Even now, even now, 2022, July, 2022, we still have the stereotype that wanting intimacy in your friendship with same sex intimacy where you're not gay is a girly gay thing. So you have it in a recent article in The Guardian. You have a illusion to boys being mil, boys and men being evolutionary different. You know, where their evolution doesn't allow them for that intimacy. I mean, we still have these incredibly misguided false stereotypes about boys and men not wanting that intimacy. Kristina Supler: So let me ask you and, and then this issue of stereotypes. When Susan and I do a lot of work across the country with college students in the Title IX landscape. And we often represent respondents who are more often than not male. Yes. And so we come across the phrase regularly, toxic masculinity. Yeah. Do you, do you agree that toxic masculinity I is a thing? Um, is this label justified or not? And can male students really form friendships while still deep friendships, while still trying to be quote unquote masculine?  Susan Stone: Or circling back to that first point that you wanted us to get to? Yeah. Are we in a crisis? Dr. Niobe Way: Yeah, exactly. Okay, so I have a couple things that you could imagine. I've, I've spent my life thinking about this, so I, I could go on a couple hours about this, but I'll keep it short. There's, of course there's toxic masculinity. We see it in the media. We see it in our movies, we see it in our social media, which is, which is a kind of hostile aggresive violent form of masculinity that is part of our culture, is part of our war based culture, et cetera. Gun based, we have, we're the country with the most guns. So we obviously have toxic masculinity. But I, I am arguing a slightly different argument that, that Oftentimes gets covered over because we get absorbed with toxic masculinity. I'm actually talking about taking a very, very human quality and capacity and need, which is the need for deep connection and giving it a gender and a sexuality. And that that the way we do that is not toxic masculinity.  That's called what I'm calling in my new book. It's about, it comes out in in the spring is boy culture. And boy culture. Boy culture with quotation is not a real boy. It's a construction of a boy where basically all things hard are put on top and valued and all things soft are put on the bottom and seen as less important and as kind of lame in many cases.  And in fact, when as humans, as you both alluded to, as humans, we are both hard and soft. we're a yin and a yang. We're we're, I mean, the hard and the soft work together with us. We're both stoic and vulnerable. We want independence and relationships. But if you live in a culture that basically privileges one over the other and demeans the, the soft part, everybody gets into trouble. And boys in particular, cuz we don't even think it's a boy thing.  Um, and so to me it's not toxic masculinity. It really is a boy culture that where we value so-called hard things over soft things. And it's so bizarre to me. I mean, it's a thinking and feeling. Our human capacities, yet we turn thinking into masculinity and feeling into girliness. Um, Susan Stone: you know, I just wanna say, and I, I hear what you're saying, but we are seeing and working with many more gender fluid students. Yeah. Both on females who identify somewhere on the spectrum and males. And, and actually, I'm just wondering, is it possible that all of this good research is gonna go get outdated as students become more gender fluid?  Dr. Niobe Way: Well, you know, it's an interesting question. It's interesting question because I would actually argue that there's and I, and I say this to my students too, who are about a third of my students identify as they is, uh, in my classrooms at NYU. Um, is that actually I think what's happened because we're not dealing with the root of the problem and the gender binary. It's not just a pronoun problem. It's actually a fundamental value problem, uh, where we value the hard over the soft. That by adding another category of a pronoun is, is, I support it because I think you should always disrupt the gender binary. But it's not allowing us to really dig deeper. So what's happening is that the kids who identify as they are actually exploring these gender binaries in a, it seems like in a healthy way. Uh, but what happens is that he and people who identify with he and she, that is those stereotypes, are getting More and more is, solidified and essentialized. So if you're not, ironically in New York City, at least if you're not a, they. And you identify as a she or a he, you become even more of a stereotype of a he or she. That's interesting. Kristina Supler: I hadn't thought about that. The fact that the, they pronoun in some ways is polarizing or further entrenching gender stereotypes for male and female.  Dr. Niobe Way: We have listeners who identify as they. I'm not blaming it on people who identify as they, I'm not doing that. I'm just saying when, when, as a culture, it's a cultural problem we have. It's not an individual problem. It as a culture, when we, when we identify the problem as only a pronoun problem but we don't go deeper, that we actually only value our hard side and not our soft side. Then we do that, right, Kristina? I mean, then we create that problem of reifying the stereotypes by adding an alternative pronoun that doesn't solve the problem. It's the beginning of a pro. It's the beginning of solving it, but it's not, it doesn't get deep enough. We're, we're a very thin culture. We're a very thin culture. We're very, we treat things on the surface without going deeper, and we have to go deeper. Susan Stone: Let's talk about. Being a thin culture  Kristina Supler: actually that, Yeah. So, yeah. And Professor Way in chapter six, and you talk about the label "friend". And Susan and I, in our cases, we always have a component of social media and students with their friend networks and their friends from campus  Susan Stone: and how many friends they have. And at the same time, I mean, I even see this amongst people, everybody's, Oh, I love them. And I once challenges, actually, my best friend I said, You don't really love that person. Yeah. I mean, what does mean to, like, what does it mean to love, What does it mean a friend? Yeah. Kristina Supler: I mean, professor, do you think social mean is diluted the, the term or the label friend? Dr. Niobe Way: Oh, totally. I mean, I could, Oh, this is another topic I could really go off on. I mean, Absolutely. I mean, every, everything, I mean, you know, we continually stay on the thin of it and the thing that's, I want to yes friend means nothing at this point. And and what's interesting is that even in the New York Times, I'm gonna pick on the New York Times cuz it keeps on reifying, these stereotypes. Susan Stone: And I'm a Times reader every morning.  Dr. Niobe Way: No, I know. So am I. So I. So even in the nine times, they had a piece on how many friends are necessary for good mental health. Oh my goodness. If we're now talking about that quantity matters over quality, that's another, that's another hierarchy we have. Really, you're, as an adult, you're asking how many friends are necessary for mental health? How about the quality of your friendships? I mean, you know, the whole point is how many friends is irrelevant. I just wanna tell your listeners. A quantity does not matter. Qual,  Susan Stone: you know what? Professor Way, my father told me growing up, let's do a shout out to Dick Stone , that if you had one or two good friends, you were really lucky. Dr. Niobe Way: Yeah, it's true. It's true. Yeah, it's true. And that, and that's basically what the research shows. I mean, it basically shows if you have at least one person in your life that you can really rely on and really talk to and really be open with, that's you're lucky, as your dad said. But also that that's the key to mental health, that you have to have at least one person in your life that does that. And it could be your grandmother, it could be your younger brother. It doesn't have to be,  Kristina Supler: can it be your spouse or no?  Dr. Niobe Way: It can be your spouse. What's interesting though Kristina that you raised that is that I get that question a lot. The issue is, is that, and I say this to a lot of wives and girlfriends because they know exactly what I'm talking about. If you only have your spouse to talk about your spouse it's not gonna lead very good places. So you really do need somebody besides your spouse. Because the whole idea and, and Women always laugh when I say that and I say, No, no, I'm, I'm being serious.  Susan Stone: No. You know what?  Most, instead of a 50% divorce rate, if every person shared every thought they had in a marriage, I assure you there w we  Kristina Supler: it would be much higher. Susan Stone: It would be a lot higher. I agree. Oh, absolutely. We cannot, as everybody needs a bud that's completely independent  Kristina Supler: outside the home, outside the.  Dr. Niobe Way: Yeah, and in fact, I wanna go push even further in marriage counseling. I'm divorced, by the way, so I I I know about marriage counseling. So in marriage counseling, the, the advice rather than simply being date night, it should be you go, you guys go, both go out and have friendship night with another friend outside of the marriage. Once a week you do that. Susan Stone: I do that. Wow. That's what you do. I  am regularly, I I have always done that. I need my girl time. Yeah. You know. Yeah, I agree. Yeah.  Dr. Niobe Way: And, and I think we, we tend to think, especially, unfortunately, I think women tend to think this more than men, but we tend to think that if you don't wanna always be with us that somehow there's something wrong in the relationship. And the reality is, is that marriages, marriages that seem to last longer are the marriages where you have autonomy and connection, right? You have autonomy to have your own friendships. And then you have connection within the marriage. And with other people, obviously. But the idea is that even your husbands though, even your boyfriends, even your partners need to have that too. And oftentimes what happens is they don't. And then it becomes a problem in the marriage. Because ultimately they don't have, you know, they don't have a nurturing outside of the marriage relationship, which they really need to have for the he for the sake of the marriage. You know, I mean, that's the key part. Susan Stone: Let's circle back to the book. Yeah. I love that advice by the way. I live it. You're, you're, Yeah. But you know, Kristina and I do this podcast and it's really for parents. Mm-hmm. . So based on your book, Deep Secrets and your other book coming out. Yeah. What advice do you have for parents of boys?  Dr. Niobe Way: So ba basically the basic advice is to normalize this desire. That's the basic advice. And it sounds really simple and it sounds like do that. Yeah. But I'll tell you how to do it. So I'm gonna give you a story, uh, that will tell you how easy it is to do it.  So I'm in a classroom, It's ara, it's a boys all boys class. One all boys school. 25 boys was sitting there. They're reading that first opening paragraph in Deep Secrets where Justin the boy in the book says, I love him so much. I can't live without him. I don't know how to describe it. It's something I can't explain, et cetera.  The boys all read it. They start laughing, they start cracking up. These are 12 year old boys. Uh, they start cracking up. I know why they're laughing. But I want them to articulate it. I say, Why are you laughing? They finally, one boy says, The dude sounds gay. And I said, Well, I, I don't know about the kid's sexuality, but the reality is, is that all teenage boys sound like this at some point in their adolescence. All teenage, most teenage boys, I didn't say all I said, Most teenage boys. They're 12. And the boys all were completely silent. And I said, Yeah, that's what teenage boys sound like. Uh, at some point in their adolescents when they're given a safe space to talk openly. And finally, one boy said, For real? And I said, Oh yeah, for real. And then what happened is the entire classroom started wanting to talk about their own friendships. Two boys wanting to share their breakup story with each other, how they broke up, cause they each hurt each other's feelings. All I did, Kristina and Susan, the only thing I did is I literally just said it's normal. Right. They went from, It's not normal. This dude must be gay to, I said, It's normal, all teenage.  Susan Stone: You open the door Doctor Way. You open that door.  Dr. Niobe Way: I open the door. So the the thing I would say, and this sounds like I'm promoting my work and I'm actually not I'm actually promoting a way to parent. Start the conversation by talking about this podcast. Talk, start the conversation about having them listen to a part of the cod Pass or, Or look at a passage in a book or look at a, I like that. Yeah. Right. And then And then saying, and then basically saying, What do you think? Don't, don't lecture to your son. Just say, What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? Do you think that this is, you know, do you connect to this? Do you not connect to this? Have a family conversation. Don't just include your sons. If you have other kids, your husband, et cetera, your partner, whoever. .  And the idea is that you gotta implicitly and explicitly normalize it. That says, This is the feelings I have. This is the feelings your dad has. Or your, someone male in your life, your grandfather, et cetera. And that, how do you feel about it? But normalize it by showing all the boys that talk like that, you know what I mean? I mean, we had it in a book party and when Deep Secrets came out, we had a really cool looking, uh, very handsome kid, 17 year old kid, get in front of the about 200 people and it included a soccer team. And he talked about how Deep Secrets was his story. And you could see this whole team of soccer players with their mouths open. They could not believe that some cool guy would talk about his desire for closeness and how much his friends have hurt his feelings and how hard it is when his friends hurt his feelings.  And they all looked at my son and they said, Is this, the same kind of question? Is this real? And my son said, Yeah, this is, my mom's been doing this forever. This is what boys, you know, always say to her and her team. And then it opened up a conversation on, on the soccer team. I give talks to soccer coaches and soccer coaches figure out ways to have these conversations with their, with their teams. You just gotta normalize it. And again, normalize also friendships, the importance of friendships. I know all you parents who are listening, you're focused more on the, the grades and the test scores and all those things that we worry about in terms of getting our kids into college. The reality is, is that if our kids are healthy social or emotionally, if they're having nurturing relationships, they will do beautifully in life. And it's much more predictive of all sorts of wonderful things, long term outcomes, than it is what college you went to or what SAT score you got, or what grades you got. So the, the idea is to really think about valuing your kids, and I'm saying this to parents, valuing your kids' academic performance and, you know, they're sort of doing the right thing to get into the right places, uh, in their life as much as you do their relationships and their friendships particularly. And really helping them nurture those, those relationships. Kristina Supler: It sounds like at the heart of, of your messaging Professor Way is, is the idea that so much starts at home. I mean, what parents do to welcome their children into feelings and conversations and having opinions and nurturing that. Well, thank you so much for joining us today. It was such a pleasure having you. We appreciate it. I think that you really offered a lot of food for thought in your book, Deep Secrets. Um, I encourage parents to check out the book and think about how to welcome and invite their own children into these conversations to form more meaningful relations relationships. Uh, thank you so much for joining us Professor way. Dr. Niobe Way: Okay. Thank you. You too. Thank you. Wonderful. Kristina and Susan. Bye.

Today, Lisa Wexler chats with William Inboden, author of The Peacemaker: Ronald Reagan, the Cold War, and the World on the Brink (0:00); author Jane Green of "Sister Stardust" (13:37); and Dr. Niobe Way (32:07). Image Credit: jovan_epn / iStock / Getty Images Plus

Men have fewer friends than ever, and it's hurting their health. But why? What is behind the steep decline in friends and how is it harming men in society? Niobe Way, Professor of Developmental Psychology and the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity at New York University, joins the show to discuss her research into male friendships and the crisis of connection, including the history of the problem, what she has learned from her discussions with boys about the subject, and solutions for creating the meaningful relationships males need in society today.

In today's episode, we are thrilled to be joined by Professor Niobe Way. Dr. Way is a Professor of Developmental Psychology, and the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity, at New York University. She is also the mother of two children. Professor Way discusses social connectedness, and how parents can support their younger children and teens in building relationships with themselves and others. We delve in depth into how supporting children's connections, friendship, and relationship is a vital component of supporting their mental health and social-emotional needs. Further, we discuss Dr Way's research on the specific ways that certain mindsets and cultures impact boys' and girls' development.   For more information on Dr. Niobe Way and her lab please visit:   https://steinhardt.nyu.edu/people/niobe-way https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-crisis-connection/201809/the-crisis-connection-roots-consequences-and-solutions https://www.tedmed.com/speakers/show?id=729990 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-crisis-connection/201912/the-cultural-roots-loneliness-and-violence https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-crisis-connection/201809/the-crisis-connection-roots-consequences-and-solutions https://www.tedmed.com/speakers/show?id=729990 For more information on Cooper please visit us on instagram @your_cooper and on-line at beta.yourcooper.com . If you are interested in joining a Cooper group please click join Cooper, where you'll fill out a brief onboarding to tell us more about yourself, your family and your parenting needs. Enter code 'ParentingUnderstood' at checkout to receive 20% off your Cooper Membership!'

In this episode of Real Talk, KJK Student Defense Attorneys Susan Stone and Kristina Supler are joined by Dr. Michael C. Reichert, an Executive Director of the Center for the Study of Boys and Girls at the University of Pennsylvania and a Supervising Psychologist at the Haverford School.  They discuss how to raise boys.  The conversation includes how Dr. Reichert pioneered a groundbreaking discovery about boys and the key to their learning, why time and society along with it has revolutionized gender stereotypes and the fundamentals of raising a boy that every parent should know. Links Mentioned In the Show: KJK Student Defense Dr. Michael Reichert's Website https://www.michaelcreichert.com  Show Notes: (03:11) A shocking commonality that Dr. Reichert and Niobe Way discovered about boys and their relationships (03:37) How a theory of voice education was pioneered (04:04) The essential factor required for boys to engage in learning  (04:42) A shocking finding about boys and relationships that baffled even educational and psychological veterans with 50 years of experience combined (07:22) Transformative relationships: do boys become too dependent on their friends? (08:00) How culture and society has caused the context of title IX cases involving males to evolve over time. (09:40) How Kristina and Susan utilized their certification in restorative justice as a means of conflict resolution (11:14)  Why masculinity has historically grown to be weaponized involving title IX cases  (12:38) The turning point of society: finally acknowledging the humanity of males (17:07) Breaking the stereotype: the shift in parenting and their expectations from their male children (21:32) What every parent, particularly mothers, needs to do for their sons before sending them off to college and throughout it.  (22:10) Why the, “Mama's Boy Myth,” has been busted.  (23:58) What every single mom raising a son needs to bear in mind (25:00) We are living in the era of redefining emotional strength Transcript: Susan Stone: Today's podcast, Kristine and I are going to, again, explore how to raise boys. Now I know you guys out there who pay attention to our podcast are wondering didn't you just do that with Niobi Way talk about boys. Didn't we?  Kristina Supler: We did. But you know, we've really had the pleasure of reading quite a few books recently on this topic. And given that in our law practice, while we represent male and female students, we tend to see and deal with cases with boys mostly.  Susan Stone: Yeah. I mean, you have to wonder, especially in hazing cases we represent mm-hmm fraternity members. We have never met, represented a, a sorority sister.  Kristina Supler: Not true. We have, what did don't forget that? Oh, you did.  Susan Stone: oh my gosh. Showing my age, showing my age. Kristina Supler: But you are correct in that 99.9% of the time, our hazing cases are male students.  Susan Stone: Yeah, thanks for calling me out there. That's awesome. But why don't you introduce our speaker? That is your job.  Kristina Supler: Today, we are joined by Michael Reichert, who is a psychologist who has worked in a variety of clinical school, community and research settings over the course of his career. He serves as the executive director of the center for the study of boys and girls lives a research collaborative at the University of Pennsylvania. And he is also a supervising psychologist at the Haverford school, which is outside of Philadelphia. Susan Stone: Very pretty area, Kristina and I were there gorgeous  Kristina Supler: area, gorgeous, fine institutions in that area of the country. Michael has writing has been published in many prominent. Periodicals the Atlantic New York times, Washington post. And today he's joining us to discuss his book, entitled how to raise a boy, the power of connection to build. Good men. Welcome.  Welcome. So we're gonna start with the first question, Michael, in how to raise a boy, you address society's narrow conception of what it means to be a real boy. We had Niobe Way author of Deep Secrets. Talk about how boys crave real friendships, which fade over time as boys hit their teenage years. Can you add anything else to that concept and maybe give us a fresh look about boys, maybe something we don't know about them, even though you guys are 50% of the population. Dr. Michael Reichert: good morning, Christina. Good morning, Susan. thank you for having me. And I'm glad to be here and, and particularly glad to be following my good friend and colleague Niobe. You know, um, I was talking with Niobe recently and we were, we're getting ready to host a webinar. We began the conversation with each other, talking about what has surprised us in our research. What led us to the positions that were, were both in respectively and Niobe's way Niobe's study was about friendship and what she discovered that surprised her was that boys indeed have tremendously intimiate relationships with each other relationships that they would die without they feel my research that, that wound up in a very similar destination came from a very different source. I investigated teaching and learning in schools around the world. and we began our large scale survey, 18 countries, 1500 boys ages 12 to 19, and about a thousand of their teachers. And we asked a very simple question. We asked what's worked, trying to build a theory of voice education inductively from the ground up. And what we found was completely unexpected. Not mentioned at all by the teachers that we interview, we, we surveyed and interviewed, came exclusively from the boys themselves. And essentially what the boys said was we depend upon a connection with our teacher or our coach in order to engage in learning. The vulnerable act of learning from somebody requires that we believe this person cares about us and wants to help. now my part, my research partner, and I, we had 50 years at that point between us in the trenches of boys education, we were unprepared for how powerfully boys described themselves as relational learners. And we realized that there was this fog of stereotype that kept us from seeing boys clearly, not just us, but folks in the trenches and some of the finest boys schools around the world. we all had trouble naming this phenomenon that boys are relational. Fundamentally Niobe found something similar. She found that we have this shroud of, of, of misconception that, you know, what she calls false stories that keep us from recognizing how capable of intimacy boys are in their friendships. I arrived at a similar place looking at boys' relationships with their teachers and coaches. Kristina Supler: That's interesting because this, this subject or this topic of relationships, Susan, and I see it so often at the beginning of episode, Susan mentioned fraternities and hazing, of course, but there's a lot of positive that can come from fraternities in those relationships. And in your book, you talk about this idea of brotherhood being a distinct and integral. Facet in boyhood and you discuss how it's ever present in institutions of boyhood like recess, sports teams, clubs, fraternities. When we represent young men in college title IX cases, we do that work across the country and typically our clients are accused male students. And so often Susan and I have these really difficult conversations. With our clients, these young men who are absolutely heartbroken and shocked when they not only receive the news that, they're respondent in a Campus Title IX case, but they learn that they've been asked to leave or been kicked out of their fraternity. And they're friends with whom they thought they had this deep connection. They're now on an island alone. What can you tell us about this? Or what are your thoughts on why that happens. Susan Stone: Other than the legal aspect? Because we always wonder. Is it really the boys or the boys that succombing to pressure from their chapters saying, mm-hmm we, we don't want our charter revoked. You gotta get that kid out and suspend them and it  Kristina Supler: make it begs the question. How real are the friendships? Yeah. And then that's a painful, uh, ugly dose of reality that these young men are, are navigating on top of everything else. So, Michael, what are your thoughts?  Susan Stone: Are boys really good time, Charlies?  Dr. Michael Reichert: Well, you're saying you're packing a lot into your question. So it, I, I think I need to unpack it a little bit or answer from different angles. Number one boys friendships are uh, transformative just as their relationships with teachers and coaches can be transformative. You know, that's what Niobe Ways research established was that these are relationships in which boys can live. They can breathe, they can be themselves and absent those relationships. Their mental health is, is considerably diminished they're alone. So you know, the feeling that your clients have expressed when they get canceled by their fraternity. Of being at a complete loss. I think that's very real and painful. That's number one, but number two, you know, we are in an era, almost a pendulum swing era in which the realities of title IX and me too are seeping into the culture in ways that I think are largely. There's been this culture, this bro culture that has existed in uh, male development that has been tacitly the dominant, a dominant theme for generations and to be called out now historically, uh, about where aggression in intimate, uh, relationships crosses a line. I think that's actually really healthy and important. And, and it, you know, it sets a bar that I think boys need to recognize and take account of, I think a lot about integrity and what what enables a, a young man to retain his human integrity, his humanity. In the context of a culture that does so much puts on puts so much pressure on boys to lose themselves, you know, this idea, for example, that for most boys, their introduction to their sexuality is in pornography. You know, we're not really, some folks are talking about that, but it's not nearly a pervasive enough conversation, particularly in families raising boys. I, I think that. These, the implementation of title IX rules on campus is I think that is in my mind, historic swing. Do boys at the same time as they're being called out, need to be called in, in some restorative justice context? I do believe that I feel strongly about that. Susan Stone: So do we, you should know that many, many years ago. Uh, Kristine and I went to Swarthmore, your neck of the woods, and we were certified in restorative justice. And you know, we talk about it for years. Kristina Supler: It's a wonderful approach to conflict resolution, repairing but  Susan Stone: harm. But I will tell you by and large, we don't get to employ those skills. We're typically hired to be advisors in a more traditional hearing setting, but we always pitch it. And I'm still waiting for the day where someone's gonna ask us to serve as advisors in a restorative justice setting. Hasn't happened yet. When did we go to Swarthmore?  Kristina Supler: Oh gosh, years ago. I don't remember, but it, it's interesting to see academic institutions embrace restorative justice more for title nine, of course, now that that's permitted with the regulations or student general student misconduct cases, but it's, it has not caught on everywhere. And there's still many students who are very, very resistant to the idea and, and view it as a process that isn't going to help resolve whatever the, the harm in question is. Susan Stone: But we're not, we're not given up on that. Michael, we, we believe in it. ,  Dr. Michael Reichert: My son went to Swarthmore, by the way. And maybe during the time that you were taking your training, your certification,  Susan Stone: you have to ask him and did he see two fabulous women walk across campus? Cause I'm sure it was us. I'm sure Dr. Michael Reichert: The arc of history here is really important to acknowledge, you know, that's really what I was trying to say. Mm-hmm and I do look forward to a time. I believe there will be a time in which you will be asked less to defend young men in these accusations and more to help restore some kind of res you know, some resolution to  I think I mentioned in my notes before your interview today that I'm launching a new study of younger men, 18 to 30 years old in partnership with an organization based in DC, Equa Mundo. We're about to launch a state of American men survey. Probably, uh, within a month or two.  We're very aware of the fact that we're taking, we're undertaking this study in a context in which Senator Holly is coming up with a new book. Uh, and Tucker Carlson is coming up with a new book, both about men and both about sort of celebrating traditional masculinity. The weaponization of masculinity is unfortunately one of the characteristics of our time and your legal practice, my work as a developmental psychologist, a consulting psychologist, and an a researcher it's taking place in this historic context, what I will say. And one of the reasons we're focusing on 18 to 30 year old guys is I don't think there's ever been a better time to be a young man. To be raising a son or educating a son. I think it's actually the first time I, I get grandiose here, Kristina and Susan, and I say, I think the first time in all of human history, in which we're really able to acknowledge the full humanity of male male beings. And in particular, the relational and emotional natures of males I think is for the first time really coming under popular scrutiny. All of these athletes, for example, who are saying, indeed I struggle with anxiety or depression or whatnot, the legitimation of males as people who have deep feelings in relationships have intimacy needs who have lots and lots of feelings and need to express those feelings. I think that's how I. This historic time and we're in a contest for what view of men is going to prevail. We're gonna have a, kind of a militaristic masculinity, you know, a throwback masculinity touted in the public square from some very loud voices. And, uh, I think that in your work defending young men who have been called out fairly or unfairly I'm I'm sure. You know, you get, you get both.  Susan Stone: We do get both. Um, and we see that there is no one flavor of a male respondent. We've had many men tell us that they don't like hooking up. They want the relationships to be deeper than sex. They don't like partying. We've had that. We've had situations where there was rough sex and it was not introduced by the male. It was introduced by the female. So we do see a lot of young men cry. Oh  Kristina Supler: yeah. I mean, it's Michael, it's so interesting to hear you say, uh, that it's such a wonderful time to examine these issues and raise young men because when Susan and I are meeting with young men every day and talking to their families, the constant refrain we hear from parents who are sitting in our office, you know, in tears about whatever the situation at hand is, because they're just in this nightmare that they never envisioned involving their child is it's such a hard time for young men on college campuses in particular.  Susan Stone: I'm gonna throw a question that I we've prepared our questions that occurred to me. um, and this is gonna be a really controversial question. I'm seeing almost the opposite where it used to be, that people would say that their boys need to toughen it up and their girls were allowed to be vulnerable. And lately we're almost seeing a shift in parenting where parents of girls assume that the girls are competent and will take care of things. And that their boys are so fragile that if Kristina and I push hard, for example, when we do mock cross examination to get students ready for a hearing, we hear their boys are gonna break. And so we're actually seeing wouldn't you agree like eggshell males and warrior women?  Dr. Michael Reichert: I love that.  Kristina Supler: yeah, it it's it. You never know that. And that's actually, what I love about what we do for a living is you never know what you're gonna deal with on, on the day to day something new comes in. And just when you think you have a certain conception of how someone acts or responds to a situation you're confronted with something new. But I mean, what are your thoughts, Michael?  Susan Stone: Yeah, because I'm gonna tell you what we're speaking. We, we get asked to speak at the during his places and Wednesday we've been invited into someone's home with a group of young men and their moms before they go off to college, it's coming up, summer's almost over. And we're gonna talk about things that they should be concerned about. Of course we will give you credit, Michael, but can you give us a little something extra to share that we can talk to these boys and their moms about before these boys go off to college?  Dr. Michael Reichert: I'm still thinking about pondering your phrase eggshell boy, eggshell men and warrior women, Susan. I like that. That was  Kristina Supler: a good one. A little. Yeah.  Dr. Michael Reichert: In a nutshell, what I would say is this in a, in a survey that launched. Boyhood campaign global boyhood initiative. Equa Mundo did a survey and, uh, focus group research project. And when they surveyed parents of boys, what they found was that one of the values that parents placed cherished most importantly in their sons is something that they called emotional. and there's different ways of defining that, that I think really does illustrate my point. That there's never been a better time to be a boy to raise a son. Traditionally, emotional strength has been defined as stoicism. Suck it up. Don't show any feelings. Keep it to yourself. Rise above it, be rational. The problem is that that doesn't work particularly well. It comes at a tremendous personal cost that we've just hidden, we haven't really openly acknowledged it's coming out now that football players and star basketball players and all kinds of public figures, have been suffering and quietly believing that they need to some. Rise above that suffering. When in fact, the solution as a therapist, someone in clinical practice for a long, long time, what I know is that the solution to those kinds of struggles is the opposite of keeping it inside. It's letting it out, getting it off your chest, relieving yourself of de tension by finding someone that can quote unquote, hold you, listen to you care about you understand. We're built to cleanse our minds of suffering and struggle, but not by keeping it inside and what the current generations are doing. What younger men are figuring out is that they need to be able to do that. They need the right, the permission to do that. I teach an emotional literacy course that, that boys school outside of Philadelphia, the Haverford school mm-hmm , I've been doing it now for close to 30 years. When we first started out it was suspect. And only a kind of a self-selected few would find their way into the voluntary program. Now, 2022, that program has become what the boys call the best program in the school. The room fills with people coming. And maybe they're coming for the pizza, but I believe they're also coming for the opportunity and it's a drop and a bucket opportunity, you know, but the opportunity to talk to their friends in a real way, and the kinds of profound ways that boys will share stories about what's going on in their lives. Kristina Supler: Your comments are making me think about, of course we're located in Cleveland, Ohio. And so I'm thinking of the Cavalier's player. Kevin Love, who is, well, I'm thinking of Julia. Yes, huge. And everyone loves him for a variety of reasons. But when he came out about his struggles, I. Believe it was depression and anxiety. He, number one, it was so brave of him to share and be vulnerable with the whole country and talk about that. And I think he drew a lot of attention to the issue, but it was also curious to hear people talk about like, gee, how could this. famous, rich superstar athlete have these issues. That's so shocking. And I know Susan, I, I mean, I heard people making comments along those lines and I thought like, of course they do. I mean, this is what we see every day is a certain, you know, conception of masculinity they're struggling and they have these issues and challenges.  Susan Stone: Yeah. I just wanna circle back Michael to our talks with moms and boys, from what, tell me if you agree with this. From what I'm hearing, we really need to say that we know the transition to college is gonna be difficult. So for moms and parents of males going off to college where you are alone, and it's a long haul, that freshman year is hard to make sure that there are outlets for those males to express home sickness and loneliness and fear. Is that the message you think we should send on Wednesday night and in future talks?  Dr. Michael Reichert: Yes. I would say it a bit differently. Would I say to parents who are about to launch their sons to college freshman years? I say what you want is for your son to have you in his hip. If the attachment process in these primary relationships has gone well, so that the boy has a secure sense of being quote unquote, well held by his mom or his dad or both. What we want is for that boy to have easy access to the resource of that relationship, no matter what he's facing. Now the fear is always, you know, we have this phenomenon that Kate Lombardi Stone wrote about in her book. Mama's Boy Myth. We have this fear that many moms carry that if they keep their sons too close, they'll somehow undermine his, his individuation as a masculinity. They'll turn 'em into a mama's boy. And what I say to moms, when I talk to him, Susan, is that's nonsense. It's just the opposite. boys will want to be autonomous and independent and strong, but we don't understand separation any longer in developmental psychology as turning away from relationships or giving up on them, we actually grow in relationships, not out of them. And so boys will use their mothers as sounding boards or as stress relief valve. When they need to provided that the channel for communication is kept clear. Now, a lot of moms do, they're the ones that initiate the calls. They, they can't deal with the separation at their end. That's a different phenomenon. yeah. That's a different conversation. well,  Susan Stone: I actually am reflecting because I have two girls and one boy, and ironically, I do speak to my son more than my two daughters combin.  Kristina Supler: that is true. You say that it's very true. Yeah. Just as an outside observer.  Susan Stone: Yeah. I'm thinking and reflecting. I, I was a single mother raising three kids, and I will say, I always believed in my mind that it's much harder for a mother to raise a son without a dad present that it is a daughter. And there are a lot of single mothers out there. Do you have advice for single mom?  Dr. Michael Reichert: Okay. I have to, um, refer you to a wonderful book written by a famous Ackerman Institute, family therapist, Olga Silverstein. The book is titled the courage to raise good men. And it's a book that's based on her experience as a single mom raising her son. But essentially Susan, what she says that I, I wholeheartedly agree with is. You build this relationship with your son in which essentially you promise him, that you will always be in the background of his life there for him supporting him, loving him, knowing him, willing to hold him when he needs, needs to reveal something that's hard. And there's nothing about becoming a man that requires that your. To turn away from that or give up on that or somehow go without that strength comes from connection, not from separation. And that's the thing. I think that we, psychologists folks like Niobe Way and myself, what we're trying to redefine is what is emotional strength. And it actually is having the courage to acknowledge. I'm scared. I feel bad. I'm upset. And, and acknowledge that in the face of a culture that might derogate you if you reveal those feelings. But that's the good news here, you know, less and less. That's true. It's an exciting time.  Kristina Supler: Well, Michael, this has been a really wonderful, oh my God episode. It's really such a pleasure to talk with you and hear what you have to add to the discussion that you put in your book, how to raise a boy, the power of connection to build good men. And we encourage our listeners to check out the book and thank you so much for joining us today.  Susan Stone: Michael, we could talk to you further, but I think it's really good to end on a note where my mind is just racing because with all the pain going on the world, mm-hmm, leaving on a note that this is a great time to raise a boy. It's a great time to be a male in the face of everything. And that men are more comfortable being more emotional, that bodes well for both men and our daughters and women. So  Dr. Michael Reichert: thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Good luck in your parenting um, thank you both. Thanks for talking with you. Thank you. Susan Stone: Thank you.

Dr. Niobe Way talks about her research showing the crucial importance of friendship for boys. Friendship is healthy and normal for boys even though they may be taught as they get older to play cool. There are many simple things parents and educators can do to alleviate the problem. Find more here: https://steinhardt.nyu.edu/people/niobe-way https://www.tedmed.com/speakers/show?id=729990 https://twitter.com/niobe_way

For the last century or so, we’ve been told that we—humans—are the problem, not the society in which we live. What if the opposite was actually true? Dr. Niobe Way thinks so, and she’s ready to tell you why. On this episode of The Sidewalk Talk podcast, Traci sits down for a conversation with NYU professor and founder of the Project for the Advancement of our Common Humanity (PACH), Dr. Niobe Way.  Dr. Niobe founded PACH after spending years talking with students in middle school classrooms, specifically boys, about their feelings when it comes to friendship, life, and connection. Throughout their conversation, Traci and Niobe tackle the many issues embedded within our culture that work to de-humanize us, Niobe’s newest initiative—The Listening Project—and the power of transformative interviewing, and the scientific evidence pointing to the current crisis of connection we’re facing not only in the U.S., but around the world. If you’ve ever wondered if a single person determined to listen and not judge the individual sitting across from them can change the world, this is your proof that listening can in fact restore our humanity and change our culture for the better. Sit with Traci and Niobe as they engage in this heavy, yet hopeful, conversation.    Episode Milestones [00:07] Intro  [03:07] Meet Dr. Niobe Way  [15:05] Issues in the culture that de-humanize us  [21:13] Niobe’s story on friendships between boys in the classroom   [28:45] The Listening Project and transformative interviewing  [45:37] Traci and Niobe’s dreams for disrupting the culture and addressing the crisis of connection  [48:32] The scientific evidence behind the crisis of connection   [54:59] Niobe’s word for you  [1:01] Outro    Resources Mentioned PACH – The Project for the Advancement of our Common Humanity  The Science of Human Connection Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection  The Crisis of Connection: Roots, Consequences, and Solutions    Standout Quotes from the Episode “We born wanting, starving, for connection to each other. And that’s basically all we want in our lives: to be deeply connected to one another and to connect to ourselves as well.” —Dr. Niobe Way  “We’ve created a culture that clashes with our nature.” —Dr. Niobe Way  “We say, ‘the problem is you, not the culture in which you live.’” —Dr. Niobe Way  “The problem is that we have created this culture that’s based on this hierarchy of humanness. It’s very critical that we stop taking the symptom and treating it as if it’s the problem, because it’s a symptom of a problem.” —Dr. Niobe Way  “If it’s just about holding hands and being nice to each other, it’s not going to get far because we’re not disrupting the fundamental structure that creates the problem.” —Dr. Niobe Way  “At the root of all good connection is interpersonal curiosity.” —Dr. Niobe Way  “The question is not, ‘how do we punish that person? But, ‘how do we understand what happened so that it doesn’t happen again?’” —Dr. Niobe Way  “Listening is not just simply about shutting up. It’s about engaging with people around their questions. Learning from someone else about the answers to your own questions. Valuing interpersonal curiosity. Seeing connection not just as connecting on social media, but actually allowing someone to be seen, and heard, and listened to.” —Dr. Niobe Way  “We need to start from a place of humanity and who we are as humans, in order for us to get to a more just and humane place. And until we start from that place, we’re never going to get there.” —Dr. Niobe Way    Connect: Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast At sidewalk-talk.org On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg   Find | Traci Ruble At Traciruble.com On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Niobe Way, Ed. D., is Professor of Developmental Psychology and the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity at New York University (PACH). She is also past President of the Society for Research on Adolescence (SRA) and co-director of the Center for Research on Culture, Development, and Education at NYU. Her work focuses on the intersections of culture, context, and human development, with a particular focus on social and emotional development and how cultural ideologies influence developmental trajectories. The Listening Project, her current project with Joseph Nelson, Hirokazu Yoshikawa, David Kirkland, and Alisha Ali, aims to foster curiosity and connection in and outside of middle school classrooms across New York City. In addition, she created and teaches a core course for undergraduates at NYU called The Science of Human Connection. The course describes her theoretical and empirical framework developed over three decades and discussed in her latest co-edited book The Crisis of Connection: Its Roots, Consequences, and Solution (NYU Press). Dr. Way has also authored nearly a hundred journal articles and books, including Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection (Harvard University Press) and Everyday Courage: The Lives and Stories of Urban Teenagers (NYU Press). Her research has been funded by the National Institute of Mental Health and numerous foundations including The National Science Foundation, The William T. Grant Foundation, The Einhorn Family Charitable Trust Foundation, and The Spencer Foundation. She is a contributor to Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and her research is regularly featured in mainstream media outlets (e.g., New York Times, NPR, Today Show, NBC). Examples include Two Cheers for Feminism!and Guys, We Have A Problem: How American Masculinity Creates Lonely Men. 

"You can really see the whole trajectory of how masculinity and the pressure to Man Up really hurts boys." - Dr. Niobe WayIn episode #008 of The ManKind Podcast, Brandon Clift and Boysen Hodgsen discuss with Dr. Niobe Way why boys who once shared their deepest secrets and feelings with their closest male friends,  become distrustful, lose these friendships, and feel isolated and alone once they become adolescents and men. In This Episode You Will:Discover just how rudimental and important "Connection" is for psychological and psychosocial development.Learn from Niobe's 30 years of research, why boys are moving away from their desires and needs for connection.Did You Enjoy Niobe Way? Here Is How To Find Out More: Niobe's TED Talk: WATCH HEREWebsite:NYU Professor ProfileOrder Niobe's Books: Order HereAdditional Resources:Subscribe/Rate/Review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐: >>>HERE

Today I sit down with Samantha Schmidt, a reporter for The Washington Post. She recently published an article titled, “No game days. No bars. The pandemic is forcing some men to realize they need deeper friendships.” In the article she addresses the changes in our friendships, how men have started to actively search for deeper connections as a result of the pandemic's isolating effects, and insight from a study by Geoffrey Greif (a professor at the University of Maryland), as well as from a book by Niobe Way (a professor of developmental psychology). Enjoy! Article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/road-to-recovery/2020/11/30/male-bonding-covid/

Niobe Way quita el telón de fondo del mito de la insensibilidad masculina.Créditos y referencias:Publicaciones:Niobe Way, "Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection", 2013. Gracias a Felipao (Felipe García) por su colaboración (te quiero gordo).

This episode focuses on the research of Niobe Way from their book: Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection. The book unpacks how our concepts of American masculinity do not always reflect the lived experiences of boys and gender expression. And that the development of masculinity in boys is reflective of how are are all "in the culture" and play a role, and that it speaks to larger systems of culture that influence everyone in the United States. Books I mention in this episode: Deep Secrets by Niobe Way Together by Vivek Murthy Loneliness by John T. Cacioppo Social by Matthew Lieberman If you have any comments, questions or topic suggestions I'd love to hear from you! Send me a message on instagram @aubtron or email meat aubreystarkmiller@gmail.com. I'm also on Clubhouse at @aubtron or just search for my name, Aubrey Stark-Miller. I'd love to open some discussions on topics of social science. Also open to doing collaborations! Wanna co-host a virtual workshop or connect and discuss ideas? Drop me a line! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/structuresofself/support

From the moment we’re born we’re physiologically built with an innate sense to feel connected–to our parents, our siblings, our world. It’s instinctual. So what happens when the world you’re born into or the one you’re raised in turns out to be dark and isolating? Niobe Way, Professor of Developmental Psychology at New York University, shares the research behind “bad people,” and a clear, viable solution on how to change our self-destructive culture. Beyond being a professor, Dr. Way’s also the Founder of The Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity at NYU. From this project, Dr. Way emphasizes the Think and Do Tank that draws from the science of human connection in order to create a just and humane world. “Our theory of change is that transforming the way that we see each other will transform the way we treat each other,” says Dr. Way. Her work focuses on the intersections of culture, context, and human development with a particular focus on social and emotional development and how cultural ideologies influence developmental trajectories. Listen in as Dr. Way shares insight from her in-depth research and latest book, The Crisis of Connection. A more connected, healthier, and happier you starts NOW! Key Takeaways: The universal issue. All too often we criticize ourselves for over-feeling, for not acting with our mind first. Nothing can feel more devastating than being rejected when you put yourself forward emotionally. But what does that do for us as a culture? The research says THIS . . . [13:48]. The simple solution. It seems that all around us people are living in despair. They’re lonely, they’re unfulfilled, and they’re depressed. But at the root of it all, the answer is clear. The ONE thing we need to focus on as a society, as a whole, is . . . [24:41]. The universal change. Our world’s struggling deeply with its need to connect. In every corner of every neighborhood, people are desperately reaching out to build relationships, to find unity. Dr. Way’s naysayers say changing a culture is really hard, but she boldly disagrees. HERE is why . . . [31:17]. Tune in and turn the volume up for a dose of inspiration and life lessons. You're never more than One Idea Away from a whole, new reality. Thank you to our partners at iPEC Coaching! Custom tailor your coaching career to your passion and lifestyle with the support of dynamic business tools, a strong coaching network, and expert guidance from a team dedicated to your success long after graduation. Enroll in the most comprehensive coach training program available, and prepare to exceed your own expectations. Learn more at ipeccoaching.com/oia. 

Adolescent boys are notoriously difficult to deal with. However, some of their behaviors mask a need they have for developing intimate friendships. Being adolescent boys living in a macho culture, many deny that they need these relationships. Niobe Way, EdD, professor of Developmental Psychology at New York University, has spent her professional career studying adolescent boys’ relationships with each other and how they affect their behaviors. She explains how to intervene to help them better understand their needs for intimacy, which, in turn, helps them to better relate with people and avoid unpleasant behaviors. Related article: Loneliness Might Be a Killer, but What’s the Best Way to Protect Against It? CME Quiz The Listening Project  

Men's Friendships (0:00:00) We live in a society that labels many things as “masculine” or “feminine” and these descriptions determine the way we build relationships. Friendship is more often considered a “feminine” quality, and a reason many men distance themselves from male friends as they get older... but how can men maintain friendships with their male friends and why is this important? Here to help us understand what people can do to repair their friendships is Niobe Way, a professor of developmental psychology at New York University and the founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity.   The Rollettes (0:16:11) When Chelsie Hill was a senior in high school, she was involved in a car crash that left her paralyzed from the belly button down. While the accident changed almost everything in her life, Chelsie wouldn't let her condition stop her from dancing. Chelsie also wanted to form a community of women in wheelchairs who defied expectations and continued to dance. Thus the Rollettes wheelchair dance team was formed. Chelsie joins us today to talk about how the Rollettes have helped her and how they help others.   Neighborhood Conflict Resolution (0:35:55) You try to remain calm as your new neighbor's dog barks nonstop for the third night in a row, but your patience is wearing thin and you don't know how to address the issue. In one way or another, we all experience some type of conflict with neighbors, roommates, or people in our community. But it's not like we can just keep moving houses or choosing new neighbors, so how do we resolve these conflicts? Conflict coach and certified mediator, Emily Taylor, joins us to share ways in which we can resolve conflict and maintain positive relationships with those that live around us.   Music and Stories (0:50:36) Master storyteller Sam Payne, of BYU Radio's The Apple Seed, talks with Richie about the influence of music on storytelling. He also performs an original song and talks about the new BYU Radio audio drama, Treasure Island 2020.   Handling Back Pain (1:05:25) Back pain. Most of us have it. Most of us have tried about a thousand exercises and things from the internet to try and relieve it, but nothing works. So, what can we do for something so uncomfortable that we experience daily? Dr. Jesse Lewis is a physical therapist and certified strength and conditioning specialist. With all his experience and the backpain myths he sees all the time, we thought he'd be the perfect person to help us with this.   Mini Book Club: Starting a Book Club (1:21:55) Rachel Wadham of BYU Radio's Worlds Awaiting gives tips for starting your own book club.   Sensory Deprivation Tanks (1:29:21) Sensory deprivation tanks are gaining popularity by the day as celebrities continue to endorse them and more spas open providing their services. If you've never used one of these tanks, they can seem pretty odd and confusing. However, floatation treatments are proving to be a powerful tool to promote self-wellness. Martine Prowty is an avid floater and the marketing director for the float tank company Zen Float Co. He's with us to tell us everything we need to know about this treatment.

Niobe Way teaches men how to strengthen their friendships, Chelsie Hill talks about dancing with disabilities, Emily Taylor explain how to resolve conflicts with neighbors, Sam Payne talks about musical stories, Jesse Lewis gives tips for healing your back, Rachel Wadham talks about starting a book club, Martine Prouty discusses sensory deprivation tanks.

Boys crave emotional closeness with their friends. But by mid to late adolescence they turn away from that platonic intimacy. Why? Because that’s what they’re taught to believe is required of them in order to become men. Developmental psychologist Niobe Way discovered this shift in the behavior of young men, and urges us to recognize that what we see as ‘human nature’ is actually just cultural bias and conditioning. In other words, we don’t have to disconnect from human connection in order to be real men. That’s just what society tells us. Way also points out that late adolescence, that point at which most men stop seeking emotional intimacy with friends, is the age when rates of suicide and violence increase significantly. We need to start teaching boys that they don’t have to be alone in order to be men.

Niobe Way, author of "Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendship and the Crisis of Connections" reveals the intense intimacy among teenage boys during adolescence yet explains as boys become men, they become distrustful, lose these friendships, and feel isolated and alone.

Chris Gondek interviews Niobe Way of NYU about the problems boys have maintaining emotionally intimate friendships with other boys as they enter their teens.

Chris Gondek interviews Niobe Way of NYU about the problems boys have maintaining emotionally intimate friendships with other boys as they enter their teens.