As a young woman, you have been raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above your own (i.e., to be codependent). Now, in your 20s, you're finding yourself exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in crap relationships. You're tapped out at 22, burnt out at 25, or having a quarter-life-crisis as you approach 30 and asking, "If I'm doing everything to make everyone else happy, why am I so miserable?" This podcast is to help you undo all that so you can stop playing small and start taking up space, ya dummy! One episode at a time, I will help you let go of your codependent ways so you can stop being such a codependummy and shine like a codependiamond! Let's get to it!
The Codependummy Podcast is an incredibly insightful and empowering podcast that delves into the complex topic of codependency. Hosted by Marissa Esquibel, this podcast offers a safe space for listeners to explore their own codependent tendencies without judgment or shame. Marissa's conversations are filled with clarity, compassion, and wisdom as she shares her own personal journey and speaks with experts in the field. The wealth of information and compassionate guidance provided by Marissa and her guests is truly invaluable.
One of the best aspects of The Codependummy Podcast is Marissa's ability to offer relatable stories and practical advice. Her vulnerability in sharing her own experiences allows listeners to connect on a deeper level and feel understood. The podcast format makes it easy to digest the content, with each episode providing thought-provoking discussions that encourage self-reflection and growth. Marissa's cadence and storytelling make it effortless to stay engaged throughout each episode.
While some may find Marissa's pauses during interviews, such as in the Paul Gilmartin episode, a bit challenging, they have grown to appreciate her unique cadence over time. Additionally, there may be moments where older listeners might not fully relate to references made about younger generations. However, these minor drawbacks do not detract from the overall value and impact of the podcast.
In conclusion, The Codependummy Podcast is a must-listen for anyone interested in understanding codependency and finding ways to break free from its grip. Marissa's authenticity, passion, and expertise shine through each episode as she provides practical tools for overcoming codependent behaviors. This podcast has the power to transform lives by equipping individuals with the necessary insights and guidance needed to reclaim their sense of self-worth and live more fulfilling lives. Thank you, Marissa, for creating such an impactful platform!
What was it like to give birth as a codependummy? How was I a codependummy during my birth? How was I NOT a codependummy during my birth? Welcome to Episode 166! I'm back after giving birth to my baby–so sorry it took 104 days/15 weeks since the last episode aired. In this episode, you'll hear me share my birth story. You'll hear the ways I was a codependummy and ways I was NOT a codependummy during my birth experience. I hope it resonates with you–whether you have had a child or not–and you can reflect on how your anxiety, self-consciousness, and the internal rules you have for how you can behave impact you during big life events (like giving birth!). It's a must-listen! Support and connect: Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Connect! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about topics you'd like me to discuss or to hear more about my psychotherapy services, coaching, and other offerings. More details on this episode: We begin with me checking in. Like I say in the episode, I'm sorry it took so long. You'll then hear me recount my birth story–my experience of giving birth to my baby boy. I conclude with a reflection on ways I was and ways I wasn't a codependummy during the experience. PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. And share this episode with someone who you sense will resonate with it! We need more ratings on Apple and Spotify. Thank you in advance! And please subscribe on Youtube so you get alerted of new episodes the second they drop. With love, Marissa
-What is the inner critic? -How can we stop listening to or warring with our inner critic? -How can practicing self-compassion help us befriend our inner critic? Welcome to Episode 165! This week, Rachel Koutnik, LCSW, is back to teach us all about the befriending our inner critic through self-compassion! In the episode, you'll hear Rachel walk us through what the ‘inner critic' is, how we may be codependent with our inner critic, and why that may contribute to our codependency in our relationships. Rather than combat or try to rid ourselves of our inner critic, Rachel suggests befriending it through the use of self-compassion. We conclude with tangible suggestions from Rachel on how to cultivate a self-compassion practice. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Rachel Koutnik, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a therapist in private practice working mostly online in Los Angeles and is licensed in both CA and IL. Her approach to therapy is both relational and holistic with a focus on helping adolescents, adults, couples and families repair attachment trauma while integrating healing for the mind, body and spirit. See Rachel on March 16 at the IOCDF Conference: https://iocdf.org/programs/conferences/ Check out Rachel's website for her individual therapy and group offerings: www.rachelktherapy.com More deets on the episode: We begin with revisiting Rachel's definition of codependency that she expands on through the lens of our relationship with ourselves. She describes how we look outside of ourselves for approval and reassurance and behave how we think others want us to be. Rachel opens up about codependency in her own life and how she has been more codependent in relationships where her ‘inner critic' was more at the forefront of her mind. She recalls laughing when things were not funny, having physical intimacy when she wasn't ready, and privileging the other person's needs above her own. We shift focus to Rachel's work to help her clients befriend their inner critic. She utilizes self-compassion, based off the work of Kristen Neff, that defines the practice as mindfulness and how we meet our suffering. Rachel defines self-compassion as developing a healthy relationship with suffering through loving, spacious awareness of all our parts. Rachel asserts how self-compassion helps us stop shaming ourselves while we heal which is a mandate to truly healing! Rachel defines the ‘inner critic' and shares how we can be just as codependent with this internal part as we are in our external relationships. In order to befriend our inner critic, Rachel asserts how we need to recognize it's origin (how old is this part?) then engage in the reparative work: naming it, separating from it, using mindfulness, let compassion in, and provide compassion the way you might to a friend. We conclude with Rachel listing how we can check in with our bodies when using self-compassion: take turns being the observer, the self-compassionate part, and the inner critic part of us to give all three space. Then, to provide compassion, we can tune in to our breathing, provide soothing though, go through a body scan, engage in movement/exercise, and incorporate tapping via Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Thank you for coming on again Rachel! And thank you dear listener for listening! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-How do codependents tend to relate (or not relate!) to their bodies? -Why are our relationships better when we are more connected with our bodies? -How can our boundaries improve if we pay better attention to our physical sensations? Welcome to Episode 164! This week, I am joined by Jacqueline Richards-Shrestha, LPC, about how our codependency is reflected in our connection–or lack there of–to our bodies. In the episode, you'll hear Jacqueline describe the ways codependents relate to their bodies which often fosters a disconnection as a consequence of ignoring, neglecting, or bypassing our physical sensations. Jacqueline suggests ways we can get in better touch with our bodies and how that improves both our relationships with others and our boundaries within those relationships. We conclude with suggestions from Jacqueline on how we can become ‘somatically curious' to change our relationship with ourselves and others. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Jacqueline is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado and a Self- Love Coach world Wide. She is passionate about helping young adult & millennial women who struggle with body dissatisfaction and relationship anxiety build their confidence so they can have better relationships and live more fulfilling lives. She has developed the "5-Weeks To A Better Relationship With Your Body" Self- Love Coaching program to help women move beyond a mean, and maybe even abusive relationship with themselves, to one thats kind, loving, and healthy. More deets on the episode: We begin with Jacqueline's definition of codependency: when someone will self-abandon themself for another person. She describes how it begins via unconscious patterning early on–often preverbal between the ages of 0-1.5 or 2 years old. Jacqueline opens up about codependency in her own life, including with her first boyfriend when she was 19-20 years old. She recalls how she was ‘so into him' and how she eventually lost herself in the relationship as a consequence of abandoning herself to get high off his attention. We shift focus to Jacqueline's specialty of our relationship with our bodies. She lists how codependents abandon themselves, neglect taking care of themselves, skip meals, ignore their bodies, which leads to the development of an inner critic, not feeling good enough, and losing our connection with our authentic self. Jacqueline asserts how “our bodies are awesome” and suggests how getting connected with our bodies can help us have better relationships. We learn to say “yes” when our body says ‘yes,' and “no” when our body says ‘no.' This leads to us being truthful and honoring what we want since we are ‘honoring our system.' In order to notice your boundaries through your body, Jacqueline encourages incorporating a practice of listening to our bodies, our visceral reactions: a tightening stomach, discomfort, things ‘not feeling right,' etc. She emphasizes how everyone's body will speak to them in a UNIQUE WAY. So important to remember! We conclude with the steps Jacqueline takes with her clients to help them improve their relationship with themself: be ‘somatically curious,' start with awareness, slow down, see what comes up, and go from there. Thank you for coming on Jacqueline! And thank you dear listener for listening! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-How can defining our values help us with poor boundaries? -What's the difference between our unconscious and conscious values? -Once we know our values, how can that lead to our increased ability to express ourselves? Welcome to Episode 163! This week, I am joined by Lauren Camacho for her second appearance on the podcast. We talk all about VALUES: the how, the why, and the what when it comes to getting in touch with yours. Lauren describes how values can help us when we are confronted with a big transition in life, when it comes to transforming our boundaries from unhealthy to healthy, and as a way to help us get in better touch with ourselves. Lauren shares about her approach with her clients to help them change their unconscious values (for example, comfort and safety) to conscious (for example, honesty and compassion) as a guide for challenges in life. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Lauren Camacho is a therapist, coach, and founder of her group practice, Anew Counseling and Wellness located in Covina, CA. Anew Counseling and Wellness serves adults, teens, and couples and strives to support them in healing, growing, and thriving so they can feel better and live better. https://www.anewcounselingandwellness.com Be sure to contact Lauren on her website for a free therapy consultation! More deets on the episode: We begin with revisiting Lauren's definition of codependency: taking or giving responsibility to someone or something else in order to meet our needs. She adds how codependents often do not get to know who they are, are unable to honor who they are, and then a piece of us (or all of us) gets lost. She emphasizes how we need to ask questions about what do we value, why we value it, and where are those values present (or not present) in our lives. Lauren opens up about feeling codependent during her recent venture in opening her group practice: “Someone decide for me please!” She reflects on how she yearned for someone else to make decisions for her rather than take on that responsibility herself. Sound familiar?! We shift focus to the codependency Lauren often sees in her practice. One common observation with her clients is how codependent they become while going through a difficult stage in life. Lauren reflects how these patients often regress into codependent behavior where they rely on others, experience choas/overwhelm, get into survival mode, are disorganized, and lack an inner authority. Lauren expands on her observation of codependent clients feeling detached from themselves. She suggests that, in order to get to know ourselves, we need to start with journaling. We can answer questions like: how am I doing? Where am I feeling emotions in my body? What do I need? How do I need that need? In order to create better boundaries, Lauren suggests getting in touch with our VALUES. Once we get in touch with our values, they will guide our boundaries and make it that much easier to set and maintain them. We conclude with hearing how our values can also help us face the times we fear getting rejected since we are in touch with why we are willing to be rejected. We conclude with a helpful reminder to be sure to recognize when your following your fear-based values versus your trust-based values. Thank you for coming on again Lauren! And thank you dear listener for being here! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-What drives codependent behavior? -What are the common reasons that make it hard to stop codependent behavior? -How is codependent just as lethal as substance and alcohol addiction? Welcome to Episode 162! This week, we are joined by Dr. Sarah Michaud, PsyD, who opens up about her own codependent recovery that she documents in her book, Co-Crazy. Dr. Sarah shares with us about her codependent recovery journey and her work with codependent women. She describes where codependent behavior comes from and the factors that make it so difficult to stop the behaviors. We explore how codependency is just as lethal as other addictions like substance use and alcoholism and conclude with hearing why this makes Dr. Sarah so passionate about this work. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dr Sarah Michaud is a psychologist who has worked with clients with addiction issues for over 30 years, She has also been sober herself for almost 40 years…she considers her codependency recovery the post important missing piece to her finally finding freedom and liberation over the last 20 years. www.drsarahmichaud.com https://www.youtube.com/@leavingcrazytown → Be the first of 5 people to subscribe to her youtube channel, email leavingcrazytownshow@gmail.com, and get a free copy of her book! More deets on the episode: We begin with Dr. Sarah's definition of codepdnency: the inability to be with yourself. Codependents cannot speak up, set boundaries, and have an inability to be and know their true self. This leads to feeling exhausted, lost, enraged, detached, and an inabilityt to have true relationships. Dr. Sarah opens up about codependency in her own life, including with her father, first husband, and son. She contrasts these anecdotes by sharing about an interaction with her son after she began recovery and how she offered him support, encouragement, and acceptance. What a transformation! Dr. Sarah suggests where codependent behavior comes from: simplistically, from the lack of knowing yourself. As children, we learn to get what we need and codependents do that indirectly through meeting the needs of others. Codependent behavior is driven by our lack of a sense of self. We explore what makes it so hard to stop codependent behavior: it's uncomfortable, we fear changing our behavior will lead to pain and abandonment, the patterns are so automatic, it takes risk to make changes in our relationships, we have to value ourselves over our relationships, and we fear that we will be perceived as mean and selfish. Dr. Sarah is so passionate about this work since she believes that codependency is just as lethal as any addiction. She has witnessed what happens when people don't take care of themselves and it leads to the same outcomes as addiction: physical and mental suffering. In order to help those who want freedom from codependency, Dr. Sarah wrote her book, Co-Crazy, which is part memoir and part roadmap to recovery. Thank you for being here Dr. Sarah! And thank you for listening dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-How do codependents often switch from people-pleasing to controlling others? -Where does our desire to control others come from? -What can we do to let go of our need to control? Welcome to Episode 161! Kelli Younglove is back for a deeper look at two common sides of codependency: people-pleasing and controlling others. Kelli opens up about her own experiences being a controlling codependent and how this contributed to her poor boundaries. We discuss where these poor boundaries, people-pleasing, and controlling behaviors come from. The episode concludes with Kelli sharing about all the work she has done to address her poor boundaries and how that led her to creating her boundary course. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Kelli Younglove is a Consciousness Coach who teaches her clients a kinder, gentler way to work with their anxiety so they can silence the voice of the harsh inner critic, release stress, and show up in their lives as their happy, confident selves. She's also the creator of the boundary course: Creating the Container of YOU— a self-study e-course that teaches boundary fundamentals for people pleasers and controllers. Kelli's first interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/the-basics-of-boundaries-with-kelli-younglove/ Kelli's course: https://courses-kelliyounglove.thinkific.com/courses/boundaries-creating-the-container-of-you Receive a free admission to her course by emailing Kelli: kelli@kelliyounglove.com https://www.facebook.com/youngloveinc/ More deets on the episode: We begin by revisiting Kelli's definition of codependency and she adds how we “need the hit of approval, that rush that I am okay and alright since others are okay with me.” She emphasizes how codependents are left feeling insecure and scared since they are always looking outside of themselves to feel okay. Kelli reflects on codependency in her own life and reflects on a boyfriend from her early 20s. She recalls how she was controlling since she feared he would leave her by guilting him, giving him the silent treatment, via emotional blackmail, punishment, threats, and acting like a bully. Sound familiar? We explore how codependents, despite being such people-pleasers, are controlling as well. This results in us swinging from one extreme to the other due to our lack of inner boundaries. Kelli suggests that these roles of people-pleasing and control are rooted in the human struggle for survival! This evolved into the struggle for power and we attempt to control as a survival strategy. In order to combat this, Kelli highlights how we need to switch from fear to better awareness and relate to others in a new way–not from a one up, one down position–but as equals. We conclude by hearing about Kelli's journey to create healthy boundaries in her own life which began in 2002 and how that culminated in her creating her boundary course after decades of study! Thanks for coming on Kelli! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-What are the common self-defeating thoughts of codependents? -What is the SNAP method and how can it help change your mindset? -How can changing our mindset lead to more joy, self-love, and self-care? Welcome to Episode 160! This week, I'm joined by Joyologist Coleen Greco to unpack the connection between our mindset and our codependency. Coleen shares with us about the common self-defeating thoughts that codependents have, for example, “I can never do anything right.” She shares the negative impact these self-defeating thoughts can have on us then provides ways we can begin to combat them. You'll hear Coleen share about the SNAP method and how it can be used to promote our healing from codependency. We also explore how changing our mindset can help bring more joy, self-care, and self-love in our lives. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Coleen Greco is a Joyologist helping people feeling amazing in their own skin and remove limiting beliefs so they are able to maximize their full potential. Download her free ebook: CRUSH Limiting beliefs: https://coleen-greco-joyologist.ck.page/limitingbeliefs www.coleengreco.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/thecoleengreco/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/thecoleengreco LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coleengreco/ More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Coleen's definition of codependency: needing someone or something versus wanting someone or something. This ‘something' can be another person, food, alcohol, etc. Coleen highlights how codependency ties into our ability, or inability, to be self-sufficient. Coleen opens up about codependency in her own life, including how she was codependent with food and alcohol after her son's suicidal attempt. Coleen emphasizes how it started out so innocently, as do most codependent relationships, and then it led to dysfunction. She also recalls times when she has been codependent with her coaching clients where she went above and beyond when they weren't even committed to the process. Coleen lists common self-defeating thoughts of codependents: I am not good enough, I will do this for others…in order to…, I am not worthy, I can never do anything right, and I don't have time for myself. In order to begin improving our mindset, Coleen emphasizes journaling. In her work as a joyologist, Coleen helps bring joy to her clients lives which codependents often lack. She distinguishes how joy is based on internal validation and how we can have inner peace, know we are okay, and feel in control of our lives since we are rooted within. Coleen walks us through the SNAP Method: Stop, Notice, Accept, and Practice Gratitude. She adds how the SNAP Method plus getting our nutrition in order, incorporating physical fitness, and addressing our mindset can help us have more joy, self-care, and self-love in our lives. Thank you for coming on Coleen! And thank you for listening dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-How can body work help treat our anxious attachments? -What is a ‘secure attachment' and how can we promote that through our bodies? -In addition to talk therapy, how can body work help promote our healing? Welcome to Episode 159! This week, Randi Kofsky, LMFT, is back! Randi is here to revisit the theme of body work and how it can promote our healing from codependency. In the episode, you'll hear Randi share about the connection between codependency and anxious attachment and how body work can help combat anxiety while fostering a secure attachment within ourselves. Randi lays out how body work can help address anxiety and how she walks her clients through a typical session to get in touch with where their anxiety is stored in the body in order to work through it. We conclude with what you can do before, during, and after a body work session if you choose to add it as a much-needed adjunct to your psychotherapy. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More about this week's guest: Randi Kofsky is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Santa Monica, California. She offers dynamic and experiential therapy that is attachment and trauma-oriented as well as body-informed and, at times, therapeutic touched informed. www.innerrichestherapy.com www.innerwavebodywork.com Randi's original interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/body-ody-ody-work-how-bodywork-can-help-you-heal-with-randi-kofsky-lmft/ More deets on the episode: We begin with revisiting Randi's definition of codependency as well as a codependent experience from her own life. She expands on her definition of codependency to include how we reference something outside of us to feel better on the inside. We shift focus to Randi's specialty of body work. In relation to massage, body work is when you integrate touch and massage with a focus on where emotions are felt in the body. For example, if a patient comes in feeling anxious, Randi may ask them where they sense that in their body and massage/touch/tend to that part of them–potentially for the entire session! Or, she may begin with a focus on a specific area, like the lower back, and then follow the patient's lead if they start to sense their anxiety moving up their spine. Randi describes for us how body work can help promote our secure-attachment since we become attuned to where we hold emotions, unpack what is happening anatomically, and become familiar with our trigger points and how to take care of them. Randi suggests when we hold anxiety in a certain part of our body, “There is something being held here” to work through. Randi lists what we can expect and best prepare for a body work session, including before, during, and after the session. She emphasizes how, in addition to therapy, body work can provide a full-body exploration to connect our body and our thoughts. Thank you for coming on the show Randi! And thank you dear listener for listening! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-What is self-compassion and how can it help heal from codependency? -What are the basic elements of a self-compassion practice? -How is self-compassion not self-indulgence, self-pity, or self-esteem? Welcome to Episode 158! This week, I'm back after a short break to tell you all about SELF-COMPASSION. You'll hear me define what self-compassion is and how creating a self-compassion practice can help us heal from our codependency. I will also break down the three basic elements of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. I end with a discussion on what self-compassion is NOT: it is not self-indulgence, self-pity, nor self-esteem. If you're wanting and needing to be kinder to yourself, be sure to listen to this episode! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More deets on the episode: I begin with an honest apology for not airing an episode for the last 3 weeks! This solocast was originally set to air on Christmas Day and, evidently, my pregnancy and life got in the way! But I'm here now! And practicing compassion with myself for taking a while to get this episode up. We have a brief check in to help you reflect on how you are doing. Next, we dive in to the world of Self-Compassion, which is largely based on my research of the work by Kristen Neff. I break down the discussion of self-compassion in 3 parts: What is Self-Compassion? What are the 3 basic elements of self-compassion: Self-kindness versus self-judgment. Common humanity versus isolation Mindfulness versus over-identification What is NOT self-compassion. It is NOT: Self-esteem Self-indulgence Self-pity I conclude the episode with specific ways you can start to practice self-compassion this week: Remind yourself of the 3 basic elements: common humanity, mindfulness, and self-kindness. Listen to one of Kristen Neff's meditations: http://self-compassion.com/ (go to the Practices page) Review a difficult event through the lens of self-compassion. Thank you for listening! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!
-What does codependency look like in women attempting to date outside their culture? -How can codependency with your family prevent you from dating outside your culture (and what are the short- and long-term consequences?) -If you do date interculturally, what should you be prepared to navigate from the reactions/response from your family? Welcome to Episode 157! This week, I'm joined by Noura Bermudez, LMFT, to explore codependency in women who date outside their culture (a.k.a. dating interculturally). Noura opens up about her own experience being codependent with her father and what that relationship was like to navigate when she started to date (and eventually marry!) outside her culture despite his disapproval. Noura describes what codependency looks like in women and their families when they begin to attempt to date interculturally and the consequences of this. You'll hear Noura list what women should be prepared to navigate if their families respond with judgment, shame, prejudice, and threats to disown them. We conclude with steps you can take to cultivate your own autonomy in these situations. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Noura Bermudez is a mindfulness-based therapist who helps women in intercultural relationships experiencing rejection and/or disownment by their parents, live authentically and confidently with the choices they have made about dating. Has experience working with Middle Eastern women with immigrant parents. Practicing therapy for 10 years and has a private practice in CA. www.bermudeztherapy.com www.instagram.com/bermudeztherapy/ More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Noura's definition of codependency: when someone has to sacrifice their authenticity to have or maintain a connection. Seen when someone disowns themselves or a part of themselves, disowns their needs for something the want–love, approval, affection, etc. Noura emphasizes how there is a perk or benefit to our codependency–we just usually aren't conscious of it. Noura opens up about codependency in her own life, including in her relationship with her father. She describes growing up and trying to meet his expectations and standards as a Muslim. This led to her keeping her dating life a secret from him since she dated outside her Muslim and Middle Eastern culture. She ended up marrying outside her culture and, while this put a strain on her relationship with her father, she was eventually able to heal it by putting intentional distance in their relationship and through conversations. We shift gears to Noura's specialty: dating interculturally! She describes what codependency with family can look like in women who date outside their culture: living a secret life, hiding, secrecy, yearning for her family's approval, not feeling okay until the parents' feel okay, strain in the relationship, feelings like resentment, and attempts to convince/negotiate with family to approve of their partner. Sounds like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, yes??? Noura lists the short- and long-term consequences of codependency in these women, including sadness, a sense of grief, abandonment, underlying unhappiness, and attempts to conform to the family's expectations by dating within the culture. Noura's opinion: codependency and conforming with family's expectations is not sustainable. Noura encourages women who want to date outside their culture to prepare for their family having their own reaction, getting in touch with their values and their ‘why,' leaning on their support system, and inviting conversations. For the harsher realities like racism, prejudice, and disownment that may come when attempting to date outside one's culture, Noura encourages seeking professional help, setting boundaries, and cultivating one's own autonomy. We conclude with Noura emphasizing how radical acceptance, intentional distance, and having conversations with family can help the most in these situations. Thanks for coming on Noura! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! www.codependummy.com See you next week!
-How were you a codependummy this past year? And how weren't you? -What are your takeaways/lessons learned from your codependency in 2023? -What's Marissa been up to since she last recorded a solocast in January?! Welcome to Episode 156! This week, it's me–your hostess mostest–back to share about my reflections on ways I was and wasn't a codependummy in 2023. We start with a few announcements (one is very exciting!) and then check-in with how you are doing. I then reflect on 2023 and ways I did a decent job setting boundaries, honoring my needs, and taking care of myself despite my old codependent patterns. I articulate takeaways thanks to the progress and growth and hope that I model for you how you too can reflect on 2023 and your own codependency this past year. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More deets on the episode: We begin with our old and familiar check in. How you doing boo? I make a few announcements. So exciting! Then I share some anecdotes from 2023 that demonstrate how I was a codependummy (at times) and ways I was not (the majority of the time. Yay!). You'll hear how I navigated self-consciousness with my health, firing my former therapist, dealing with a family member's mental health crisis, and planning a celebration for myself. I list the takeaways from these experiences and hope it serves as a model for you: how have or haven't you been a codependummy this year? What do those interactions/experiences say about you and your overall progress? What takeaways have you made in 2023? I share how I'll likely be recording some more solocasts in the near future as I was graced with so many guests earlier this year and now…not so many. Mother yourself baby girl! I'll see you next week! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! www.codependummy.com
-What does codependency look like in new mothers and fathers? -And how about being codependent with grandparents (your parents as well as your in-laws)? -How can new parents combat codependency generationally in order to foster interdependence in their children? Welcome to Episode 155! This week, I'm joined by Jamie Givens, LMFT, to talk all about codependency in new parents. We discuss what codependency looks like in new parents between each other, with their children, then focus on grandparents - both your parents and in-laws. Jamie describes the short- and long-term consequences of unaddressed codependency in these relationships and what new parents can do to cultivate interdependence to honor their family unit. We conclude with hearing the long-term benefits of this work which can serve as motivation for new parents everywhere. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Jamie Given, LMFT, is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, group practice owner, wife and proud mother of 3 children. Her therapy practice is Given Guidance Family Counseling and emphasizes the importance of counseling for the whole family. https://givenguidance.com (818)446-7488 - call and get $10 off your first session! More deets on this week's episode: We begin with hearing Jamie's definition of codependency with a focus on the individual who does not value themself and lacks self-confidence. She opens up about codependency in her own life via her relationship with her older sister. Jamie recalls how her sister spoke for her, interjected for her, and how they were always intertwined while growing up. As an adolescent, she found her voice and that caused conflict since she previously needed her sister for everything. We shift focus to one of Jamie's specialties: helping new parents transition to parenthood. Jamie discusses how new parents are vulnerable to being codependent on their new baby! This manifests as a new parent perceiving their new baby as the potential source of unconditional love for them. Codependency can also exist between two parents on each other as well as with their parents - the grandparents of the baby. Jamie describes what codependency can look like in a new mother or father both with their biological parent (one set of grandparent) as well as with their in-laws (the other set of grandparents). A new father/husband/adult son can be codependent with his mother/new grandmother and be over-reliant on her for help and advice on how to parent his new baby. This can lead to conflict with his partner/wife/new mother. Jamie lists the short- and long-term consequences, including immediate conflict, disappointment, and unmet expectations. Long-term, this can lead to negative patterns, conflicts and eruptions, separation due to a lack of communication, and unaddressed assumptions. In order to combat generational codependency in new parents, Jamie suggests that partners 1) talk as much as possible (including before the baby comes), 2) have clear communication with the grandparents, 3) know their values and use them as a guide, and 4) involve the grandparents through education. If new parents are able to follow these suggestions and set healthy boundaries, Jamie asserts how this can lead to a healthy and successful family unit with ever-changing conversations that will productively address changing needs with the new baby. This will inevitably enhance the relationships and invite clear expectations between all involved in raising the baby. Thanks for coming on Jamie! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What makes a parent a ‘narcissistic parent?' -How does having a narcissistic parent often breed to codependency in their children and family members? -If you have a narcissistic parent, what can you do to navigate their behaviors during the holidays? Welcome to Episode 154! This week, I am joined by Anna Hollaender-Bird to spare you from your holiday misery if you happen to have a narcissistic parent. Anna discusses the common characteristics of a narcissistic parent and how their children or other family members may develop codependency in an attempt to navigate that relationship. We focus on what a narcissistic parent may act like during the holidays and the consequences if their behaviors go unaddressed. Spoiler: it ain't pretty! We end with concrete suggestions from Anna on how you can deal with your narcissistic parent this holiday season. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Anna Hollaender-Bird is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), public speaker, and wellness advocate specializing in helping women, creatives, and high achievers feel their best. Her favorite topic is dealing with your difficult or narcissistic parent. She runs engaging, informative, and most of all healing workshops on this topic. www.talkwithanna.com More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Anna's definition of codependency: it's caretaking for others based in a survival response. Often seen in taking care of others and putting others needs above our own that's rooted in our past, like our relationship with our parents, that serve as a template for what to expect from future relationships. Anna opens up about codependency in her own life in her relationship with her mother. She reflects on her wedding and how she was caretaking for her mother the day-of after her mother became upset. She lists her common codependent behaviors, including apologizing prematurely, trying to keep her mom happy, entertaining her mother, and planning to spend more time with her to avoid upsetting her. So, what does it mean to be a ‘narcissistic parent?' Anna describes how narcissistic parents, when confronted, are unable to a) apologize and b) self-reflect on themselves. Their traits include being charming and generous then shifting to being blaming/punishing, hold and cold interactions, easily triggered, and focused on their needs. As a child of a narcissistic parent, one can be vulnerable to becoming codependent since they are required to ignore their own needs, keep their feelings to themselves, not ask for what they want, and are often in a fear response of their parent's negative reaction. During the holidays, this can turn into high conflict, high expectations/demands, being performative, creating problems, anger in response to boundaries, and causing problems. If unaddressed, these patterns can lead to burn out, dread for the holidays, and a sense of mourning. Anna suggests practicing mindful self-compassion, setting limits and boundaries, bringing a buddy, creating a level of protection, self-care, and not being so hard on yourself. Thanks for coming on Anna! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-How might codependency in our relationships relate to the weight of our bodies? -What impact does self-neglect have on our relationship with food, body, body image, and weight? -How can codependents prioritize personal rituals in their daily routine to prioritize their physical health? Welcome to Episode 153! This week we are joined by Dr. Susan Peirce Thompson, PhD, to investigate the connection between codependency and weight. Dr. Thompson explains how codependency and weight can relate, including how codependents may cope with their lives through food. We look at topics like self-neglect, self-sacrifice, and caregiving and how those contribute to weight loss or weight gain. Dr. Thompson shares about her work with clients and how she helps them create personal rituals to improve their relationship with food and ultimately themselves. We conclude with specific suggestions from Dr. Thompson on ways to improve our daily routine with food. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dr. SUSAN PEIRCE THOMPSON, PH.D., is the New York Times bestselling author of Bright Line Eating, The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook, and Rezoom. She is an Adjunct Associate Professor of Brain and Cognitive Sciences at the University of Rochester and an expert in the psychology of eating. She is president of the Institute for Sustainable Weight Loss and the founder of Bright Line Eating, a worldwide movement on a mission to help one million people have their Bright Transformations—the full physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional transformation that accompanies healthy, sustainable weight loss—by 2030. https://brightlineeating.com/ https://www.facebook.com/BrightLineEating https://www.instagram.com//brightlineeating/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKNuQvVX_3SzNALJlvieH-Q More deets on the episode: We begin with Dr. Thompson's definition of codependency: when someone is doing for another what they could do for themselves. This may be for love, approval, to feel safe in themselves, or trying to prevent being hurt. She discusses the caregiver part related to IFS (Internal Family Systems) and how we often are wounded and trying to prevent further wounding. Dr. Thompson opens up about codependency in her own life and how her mother was codependent on her while she was an addict. We shift focus to Dr. Thompson's specialty of our relationship to our weight. According to Dr. Thompson, our weight and codependency connect through 1) the addiction pathway; or 2) the consolation pathway. With addiction, codependents may be vulnerable to this pathway since we may rely on substances to cope with life, however, we unconsciously select substances, like food, that help us maintain all of our responsibilities. With the consolation pathway, codependents may reward themselves or view food as a “prize” for all their hard work or when things don't go their way. Dr. Thompson details how codependency may directly impact our weight loss or weight gain. If we use food to help us “keep it together,” then we are likely to gain weight as a consequence. In contrast, if we are so over-focused on others and fulfilling their needs, we may neglect ourselves and lose weight due to self-neglect. She shares about her program, Bright Line Eating, and how she helps people get in touch with the underlying reasons that contribute to their problems with weight. She discusses the connection between weight and food addiction and how addicts and codependents are vulnerable to cross-addictions if they do not address the core issues contributing to their addiction. Dr. Thompson encourages us all to take her quiz at www.foodfreedomquiz.com to discover how susceptible we are to to food addiction. In order to create a healthier relationship with our weight and food, she suggests needing a more structured approach to eating, boundaries around meal time, establishing food rituals, incorporating meditation, inspirational readings, and journaling (ever heard of the 5-year journal?). Thanks for coming on Dr. Thompson!! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does it mean to ‘individuate?' And how does it contrast with codependency? -How can codependents work towards individuating? -If we do individuate, how does that result in our feeling more whole and authentic? Welcome to Episode 152! This week, my guest Jacqueline Schreiber, Associate MFT, is here to talk all about i n d i v i d u a t i o n. Jacqueline describes the common challenges that women face today and how those challenges often result in us being more codependent and reliant on others to meet our needs. In order to combat this pattern, she encourages that we individuate. You'll hear her define the process of individuating and the steps she helps her clients take to work towards it. We conclude with how and why this process leads us to feel more whole, authentic, and aware. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Jacki Schreiber is an associate Marriage and Family Therapist. She received her Masters degree from Antioch University and is pursuing a PhD from Pacifica Graduate Institute. Jacki previously worked as a business consultant and, for the past 16 years, has done process work to heal from her family of origin. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/jacqueline-a-schreiber-los-angeles-ca/1140845 jackischreibertherapy@gmail.com More deets on the episode: We begin with Jacqueline's (aka Jacki) definition of codependent: when two individuals are emotionally or psychologically dependent on one another due to undeveloped parts/skill sets from our development. Jacki opens up about codependency in her own life, revealing how she did not have anyone to attach to. She reflects on the enmeshment she had with her mother and how, at times, it was as if they were merged into one. We shift focus to Jacki's specialty of working with women. She lists the challenges that women are facing today, including how we have too many demands for our attention (which enables our avoidance and ability to disconnect), our cultural conditioning to give, and our conditioning as caretakers. In order to address these challenges, Jacki is a proponent of individuation. This can be seen as the opposite of codependency, similar to interdependence, but the individual's experience of interdependence. Jacki describes how she helps her clients work towards indivdiuating by working with their cognitive distortions, helping them become aware of their unconscious thoughts, creating safety, breathwork, shifting energy, and cultivating wholeness. Stop. Look. Listen. Feel. Trace. This helps us becom eaware of our triggers and look back to see if we can identify where they relate to our past. This leads to women getting in touch with their truth, wholeness, and authenticity. This also promotes our ability to be with ourselves–talk about the ultimate way to combat codependency! Thanks for coming on Jacki! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in the betrayed partners of sex addicts? -How can the safety seeking behaviors of betrayed partners appear ‘codependent' but really be forms of healthy healing? -If you are a betrayed partner, what are the initial steps you can take to heal? Welcome to Episode 151! This week, I am joined by Dan Drake, LMFT, LPCC, CCPS-S, CSAT-S, to talk all about codependency in the betrayed partners of sex addicts. Dan is here to set the record straight on how, despite some behaviors of betrayed partners may appear codependent, they are often necessary, healthy, and healing ways of coping. Dan educates us on the history of treating the betrayed partners of sex addicts and how they were seen as ‘sicker than their partners.' We discuss what treatment of betrayed partners looks like today and end with suggestions on how you can heal if you have been betrayed. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dan Drake is a licensed clinician, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist Supervisor as well as a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor. He has co-authored several books, including Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth after Sexual Betrayal and Letters from a Sex Addict: My Life Exposed. Dan is the is the Founder and Clinical Director of Banyan Therapy Group in Los Angeles. Free Boundary Setting Resources: https://www.banyantherapy.com/resources/ https://www.banyantherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/banyantherapygroup/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9XcxIVClbH3Qjio0AWBs4Q https://twitter.com/i/flow/login?redirect_after_login=%2Fbanyantherapy https://www.facebook.com/BanyanTherapyGroup More deets on the episode: We begin with Dan's definition of codependency: a way of managing one's own internal state through others. Dan reveals his reluctance to use the definition due to the controversy and misdiagnosis of the term in the treatment of the betrayed partners of sex addicts. Dan reflects on codependency in his own life, including how he often deferred to others when it came to deciding everyday things like what to eat for dinner. He also shares how that pattern continues on sidewalks where he defers to others in his path which way he should move to avoid colliding. Can you relate? Dan provides a brief history on the treatment of betrayed partners of sex addicts. Since it is a “process” rather than “chemical” addiction, it is different than treating substances. However, initially, the wives of male sex addicts were seen as the enabling, “sicker,” and neurotic codependent partner. Thankfully, in the early 2000s, this perspective was radically changed as many betrayed partners are not even aware of their partners' addiction due to the inherent manipulation, secrecy, and ease with hiding the addiction. Dan and I explore how and why the safety seeking behaviors of betrayed partners may look codependent–but they aren't! We grapple with behaviors like making excuses, secret-keeping, ‘snoopervising,' and staying in the relationship. We agree that, since sex addiction is a process addiction, the behavior of the betrayed is more nuanced, and thus, more difficult to label objectively as ‘codependent.' Dan discusses ways a partner can discern whether they are being abused/gaslit as they work towards healing. We conclude by healing how Dan helps couples navigate the healing process from sex addiction and how he helps the betrayed partner focus on the integration of their whole self. Thanks for coming on Dan! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does it look like to be addicted to another person? -If we are addicted, how can we detach without the obsession? -How can we avoid relationship addiction through being independent within a relationship? Welcome to Episode 150! This week, Dr. Etel Leit joins us to discuss her book, Unaddicted to You. We take a deep dive Q&A where I take quotes and scenes from her book for her to expand on the codependency and relationship addiction she has overcome in her own life. You'll hear Dr. Etel reflect on the codependency she experienced both at home and in romantic relationships and the impact that had in her adult life. We explore resources for those wanting to detach from unhealthy relationships and how one can do it without feeling so obsessive. To conclude, Dr. Etel describes how one can be independent within relationships–what a concept! It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dr. Leit is a leader in human communication research, family addiction advocate, professor, author, and mentor. She currently serves as a professor at Sofia University and is the owner of SignShine, a parenting center located in Beverly Hills. Her third book, "UnAddicted To You – Loving Yourself Through the Darkness," has become a best-seller and can be found on the shelves of Barnes and Noble. Her book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/unaddicted-to-you-loving-yourself-through-the-darkness-etel-leit/1139014237 >>> Free Relationship Diagnose: https://etelleit.com/relationship-diagnostic-session >>> How to Stop People Pleasing: https://etelleit.com/people-pleasing-program More deets on the episode: We begin with Dr. Etel's definition of codependency: putting someone else as your higher power/God. That someone else could be something, a partner, one's boss, parents, children, people, places, or things. We then take a deep dive into Dr. Etel's book, Unaddicted to You. Here are the quotes she expands on: -I looked at everyone with a magnifying glass yet refused to look into my mirror… Dr. Etel reflects on the codependency from her childhood as well as her adulthood and emphasizes how she struggled to hold a mirror up to herself which made it impossible to access her intuition. -I am terrified to speak about it. know full well that if I dare to bring out the truth, it will certainly destroy me. It will create violent chaos with no way back. It will be better to pretend, hide the fact, and shove it deep into a hidden cabinet so no one will find it. But the truth keeps growing, and I need to block the door because it is in danger of bursting off the hinges. Dr. Etel shares on how we fear the repercussions will be so bad, that no one will believe us, and question ourselves which makes it hard to leave an abusive relationship. -“You are sick, too…you need help, go to Al-Anon.” Dr. Etel recalls her attendance in Al-Anon, psychotherapy, utilizing music, meditating, and building a support system as ways she was able to fight her codependency. -…I can admit it. My addiction was Dan. My addiction was judging him: looking and finding his faults, his blameworthiness, searching with extreme delight for his rotten skeletons in hidden closets…I will take care of myself. I will fight this compulsion. I will find myself in all of it. I will deal with this obsession. I will go back to my children and I will choose life! Dr. Etel recollects choosing herself by setting healthy boundaries and how she was able to stop micromanaging others, including her ex-husband. -When you help someone, consider if they can help themselves…If you realize that you worry more about them than yourself, then you must turn around and start reclaiming your life. We conclude by hearing Dr. Etel's suggestions on how you can be independent while in relationships. Thanks for coming on Dr. Etel! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in 12-step programs (even in Codependents Anonymous)? -What are common vulnerabilities of codependents in 12-step programs? -How can codependents avoid their common pitfalls in 12-step programs to get the most out of them? Welcome to Episode 149! This week, Natalie Friedman is back to discuss codependency in 12-step programs. You'll hear about the history of 12-step programs and how the principles that helped alcoholics get sober also helped their loved ones with their relationships. Natalie describes what codependency looks like in 12-step programs and how members can be vulnerable to codependency due to an emphasis on giving service, helping others, etc. We conclude with suggestions from Natalie on how codependents can participate in 12-step programs while avoiding our common pitfalls like people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, and poor boundaries. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Natalie Friedman is a licensed marriage family therapist in private practice in Santa Monica CA. She has been in practice for about 10 years and is currently seeing people online and in person (prefers in person). Natalie loves working with highly sensitive folks who grew up in addicted/dysfunctional families. www.natalietherapy.com Natalie's initial interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/addicted-and-dysfunctional-families-with-natalie-friedman-lmft/ More deets on this week's episode: We revisit Natalie's definition of codependency and she adds what she's found on Google: that it is described as a pattern, a condition, a set of behaviors, and an addiction. Natalie opens up about her codependent relationship with her mother, reflecting how “we were too close.” She shares how she merged her identity with her mother, was always about to “save” her mother, and felt she was the best caretaker/loyal daughter/needs-anticipator for her mom. We shift focus to codependency in 12-step programs. Natlaie provides some history on Alcoholics Anonymous and how a program for the loved ones of alcoholics, known as Al-Anon, began soon after since there was a recognition that they needed help too. In AA, alcoholics are powerless over alcohol, while in Al-Anon, members are powerless over people. Natalie describes what codependency can look like in 12-step meetings: people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, a need to control, and having high expectations from the program. She discusses the vulnerability of participants in these programs since they are often newly sober, emotionally raw, and susceptible due to their fragile state. This can lead to over-helping, strict adherence to the principles, and neglecting other areas of one's life. Without addressing codependency in 12-step programs, participants are likely to end up feeling out of control, lost, frustrated, resentful, and dissatisfied in their relationships. In order to avoid these pitfalls, Natalie suggests practicing awareness, starting to read about the program (books like Melody Beattie's Codependent No More), and putting language to what is happening. Thanks for coming on Natalie! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is brainspotting and how can it be used to treat codependency? -How can brainspotting help us move beyond our self-conscious thoughts, especially in therapy? -Why is it important to incorporate somatic (body) and subcortical (brain) processing in our healing work? Welcome to Episode 148! This week, I sat down with Lauren Worley, LCSW, to talk all about b r a i n s p o t t i n g. You'll hear Lauren educate us on what brainspotting is, how it can treat codependency, and what makes it so unique and different compared to other forms of psychotherapy. Lauren describes the process of brainspotting that she takes with her codependent patients and how it can help them move beyond the people-pleasing, self-consciousness, and lack of boundaries that unfortunately come up in the therapy room. We conclude by hearing Lauren's observations on how brainspotting has truly helped her codependent patients. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Lauren Worley, LCSW, is a mental health therapist located in La Crescenta, CA. She is passionate about using Brainspotting to help clients who are stuck in a talk therapy rut. She works with youth and young adults, many who are exploring who they might be in terms of gender, sexuality, and life and career paths. She runs a group practice and has two associates who specialize in couples therapy and sports performance. www.foothillspsychotherapy.com More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Lauren's definition of codependency: an imbalanced dependency that can occur in couples, platonic relationships, professional relationships, etc. Codependents often control others because they have no trust in others. Behaviors include people-pleasing, taking care of others, lacking trust, and being hurt or disappointed when their care is not reciprocated. Lauren opens up about codependency in her own life where she found herself “being in charge” of her children's extracurriculars, activities, and scheduling since she did not trust her husband to take care of it. Can you relate?! She admits she was not able to trust him with small tasks and is now making an effort not to parent him nor be in charge. We shift gears to Lauren's specialty: brainspotting! She describes the history of brainspotting and it's connection to EMDR. “Where you look affects how you feel.” Brain spots are defined as where you stare off which can be related to deep trauma. The processing is both somatic and subcortical with an emphasis that the patient knows how to heal themself. We explore how brainspotting can help treat codependency, including help with boundary-setting, building trust with one self, and processing past events/memories. Lauren is able to work with her patients to identify a gaze spot, a memory, and help them revisit their emotions through their bodies in order to come to more empowering conclusions. Lauren shares about what is unique and different about brainspotting: one can process memories and past trauma faster; one can let go of people-pleasing and self-consciousness in session since it is a subcortical process; patients often experience deeper and newer insights. With her new patients, Lauren helps them identify what they want to heal from (front loading), going through the activation process to target past memories, and gain more awareness of where they experience their strong emotional responses in their body. She's heard from multiple patients who have reported “I responded differently than I did before,” “I was calm when I responded,” and different approaches to previous triggers. Amazing! Thanks for coming on Lauren! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What are and what aren't boundaries? -How come the energy that boundaries are derived from (e.g., from a place of fear or love) is so important? -What can you do to set and maintain your internal and external boundaries? Welcome to Episode 147! This week, Karen McMahon is back to educate us all about boundaries! Karen shares with us what boundaries are and what they are not! We also hear about the distinction between internal and external boundaries then learn how to set AND maintain them. Karen shares about how and why the energy we set our boundaries from (e.g., from the energy of fear or love) is so important when it comes to setting authentic boundaries. We conclude with the initial steps Karen takes with her coaching clients to help them get clear on what they need, where their emotions are coming from, and how to channel that into setting healthy and sustainable boundaries. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on thise week's guest: Karen McMahon is Certified Relationship and Divorce Coach and Founder of Journey Beyond Divorce. Karen leads a national team of divorce coaches in supporting men and women around the world to become calm, clear and confident as they navigate divorce. Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast, co-author of ‘Stepping out of Chaos: Turning Pain to Possibility”, creator of JBD's exclusive Accelerated Divorce Recovery Program. You can find Karen's first interview on the podcast focused on Codependency and Divorce which aired in February 2022: https://codependummy.com/codependency-in-divorcees-with-karen-mcmohan-certified-divorce-coach/ Karen's free quiz: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/relationshiphealthquiz https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/ https://www.instagram.com/journey_beyond_divorce/ https://www.facebook.com/journeybeyonddivorce/ More deets on the episode: We revisit Karen's definition of codependency and hear her add about the importance of the emotional energy underneath our behavior. Karen describes how codependency is often rooted in victim and conflict energy whereas, on our healing journy, we move towards energy of personal responsibility and compassion. When we are codependent, we abandon ourselves out of fear of something or a desire to gain something. Karen opens up about two recent experiences related to her codependency. In the first anecdote, she was accused of being codependnet with her adult children while she was grieving the loss of her mother. Karen went to therapy and was able to get clear with herself that it was not coming from a codependent place, but rather, a place of compassion and service for her children. In her second example, Karen noticed she was being codependent with her pets! She noticed herself wondering whether she was doing right by them, realized what she was doing, and laughed it off. We shift gears to Karen's expertise with boundaries. What are boundaries according to Karen? Boundaries are derived from freedom, responsibility, and love. They are a paradigm, a skill, and like a fence around a yard that establishes one's space but has a gate that let's people in and out. Karen contrasts what boundaries are with what they are not: they are not a way to control people, they do not require strict adherence from others, they are not ultimatums, they cannot be used to change another's behavior, and they cannot be weaponized/punitize/penalize others. I ask Karen why she believes we codependents often warp boundaries into attempts to control others. Karen revisits her emphasis on the energy from which they come from: if the boundaries we set are coming from victim energy compared to compassion/service energy, then we may be doing something other than setting an authentic boundary. Karen educates us on the distinction between internal and external boundaries, where internally we can create limits so others aren't able to “make” us feel any certain way. We conclude with hearing where to begin with setting boundaries: ask yourself ‘What do I need? Where am I at energetically? Where are my emotions at?,' own our stuff, and discern who is and isn't healthy in our lives. Thanks for coming on Karen! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in CEOs and leaders? -How can work culture and company values mask codependent behavior in leaders and staff? -What's underneath a codependent CEOs behavior? And how can they begin to address it? Welcome to Episode 146! This week, Melissa Bennett-Heinz is back to expose the codependent behavior plaguing leaders and CEOs. We often do not associate ‘codependent' with the title of CEO, however, Melissa shares with us about how work culture and company values enable codependent behavior like people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, and prioritize the needs of others (i.e., the company) above oneself. Melissa describes the codependent patterns of CEOs and what is often underneath those behaviors, including low self-esteem, boundary issues, and conflict avoidance. We conclude with hearing the initial steps Melissa takes with her CEO clients to help them break their codependent patterns. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on thise week's guest: Melissa Bennett-Heinz is a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in the states of New York, Washington, Texas, and North Carolina and has over 20 years of specialized training and experience in the treatment of PTSD, sexual trauma, childhood abuse, chronic mental illness, and mood and anxiety disorders. Melissa primarily works with adults in both individual and group settings with people who are highly educated and successful, C-Suite executives who appear to have it together and are "happy" but are stuck in old relational patterns, struggle with perfectionism, relationships, and codependency. www.melissabennettheinz.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-bennett-heinz-149807a/ https://facebook.com/melissa.bennettheinz Melissa's first interview on Codependummy: https://codependummy.com/gestalt-therapy-101-with-melissa-bennett-heinz/ More deets on the episode: We begin with revisiting Melissa's definition of codependency and what she has to add today: every relationship has codependency in it, whether it is with a person, children, or an entity like a company/group. The word ‘codependent' is an attempt to explain a relationship dynamic that can go bad, however, there is healthy codependency and unhealthy codependency. Parents, for example, often display codependent behavior that is categorically healthy. We revisit Melissa's previous interview where she shared about a codependent interaction returning her shopping cart at ALDI. Today, she reflects on her codependency as her own CEO of her private practice. As her own boss, she has had to find how she holds boundaries with her business while being fluid with them. Her anecdote about a client who was unable to afford a recent fee raise is the perfect example of how boundaries are relative and not always one-size-fits-all. We shift focus to one of Melissa's specialties: working with CEOs and leaders. She describes codependent behavior in this population, including sacrificing their own needs for the needs of the company. Due to company values, codependent behavior is masked through team work, employee engagement, and customer service. Melissa then contrasts the external behaviors of CEOs and leaders to what is going on underneath: their external motivation and fixation on company success is often derived from their low self-esteem; their servitude, selflessness, and self-sacrifice is rooted in their need for power and control; their people-pleasing and customer service is connected with their insecurity; and their enmeshment with employees is the consequence of their boundary issues. Melissa emphasizes how their key to failure is trying to please everyone. We conclude with hearing how Melissa begins her work to address the codependent behavior in her CEO clients. Due to the stigma of codependency, Melissa starts slow and helps them shift their focus on their problems to their feelings. She helps them find ways to give voice to what is feeding the behavior and educates them on shame, guilt, and fear. Through her work using Gestalt therapy, her clients are able to get back to a healthier place and lead in a more integrated manner. Thanks for coming on Melissa! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in teen boys? -How can adolescence be a “hot bed” for codependency due to developmental, social, and cultural factors? -What are the long-term consequences of unaddressed codependency in the lives of young men? Welcome to Episode 145! This week, I am joined by Sipan Nazaryan, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, to discuss codependency in teen boys. I for one do not think of teen boys when the word codependency is mentioned, however, Sipan is here to educate us on what codependency looks like in the lives of male teens with their friends, parents, mentors, and romantic interests. We explore Sipan's approach when he notices codependent behavior in his teen boys and how he connects with them, especially those who are resistant to therapy. We take a look at codependency between parents and their teen sons and how it harms their ability to individuate. We conclude with hearing about the long-term consequences of unaddressed codependency in these young men. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on thise week's guest: Sipan Nazaryan, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, graduated from Pepperdine the summer of 2023 with a masters in Clinical Psychology. He has worked under Kent Toussaint at Child & Teen Counseling for his traineeship. Sipan currently is working under Anita Avedian at Anger Management 818 / Avedian Counseling Center for his associateship. https://childteencounseling.org/ https://angermanagement818.com/ Contact: sipan@counseling-centers.com Connection Parenting Book Sipan references: https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Parenting-Through-Instead-Coercion/dp/1932279768 More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Sipan's definition of codependency: an addiction to a specific relationship; where one has difficulty distinguishing where they end and someone else begins. And how does that look in the population Sipan specializes in working with: teen boys? Codependent teen boys often see themselves through the eyes of another; they're perspective is skewed through another's lens; they take in another person's perspective to an extreme; they find purpose in a relationship; they “have to” be with someone in particular; and they lose their friends due to an over-focus on another relationship. On social media, these types of relationships are often referred to as “my twin flame” or “soul mate.” So what does codependency look like in teen boys (since we don't often expect them to be codependent)? Sipan shares how teen boys are susceptible to codependency since they are in a state attempting to individuate while also susceptible to the influence of their parents, friends, mentors, coaches, etc. This phase of life requires boundary setting and group embeddedness, however, if they struggle to set boundaries or become too embedded in their relationships, they can fall into the grasp of codependency. And how does Sipan approach working with teen boys, especially those who are resistant to therapy? Sipan acknowledges how this population is often difficult to work with for therapists. Through a series of steps, Sipan connects with his teen client's parents, establishes the teen client's autonomy in therapy, sets boundaries with the parents, and connects with his client through the self-object and timeline activities. Sipan reflects on how work with teen boys and their parents who were codependent on them. This looks like the parent projecting anxiety onto their son, being hyper-protective of them, and an overall discomfort with their son individuating. Sipan works with the parents by providing psychoeducation to help them connect with their son on a deeper level to avoid always providing instruction or correction to him while lessening their codependent grip. We end with hearing a message of warning and hope for young men: if their codependency is unaddressed, their relationships are left fragile and lacking stability. With help from therapy, teen boys are able to create strong, stable relationships and can cope with difficulty much better. Thanks for coming on Sipan! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-How do couples interact when they are under the ‘spell of codependency?' -Why is it that ‘high-functioning' codependents act immature and childlike in romantic relationships? -What can couples do to break their codependent patterns? Welcome to Episode 144! This week, the amazing Connie Morlett Maddison, LMFT, joins us to talk about her experience treating codependency in couples. Connie shares about the couples she has worked with and how the ‘high-functioning' codependent partner often behaves in an immature, childlike, and over-reliant manner when it comes to problem-solving, conflict, and compromise. We also discuss the dynamic between the ‘codependent partner' and the ‘partner they are codependent on' since it is a symbiotic relationship! It's not all on the codependent! We conclude with ways Connie helps couples combat codependency through ‘uncoupling' and improving their respective relationships with themselves. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on thise week's guest: Connie Morlett Maddison, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Claremont, California. She is also an adjunct professor teaching clinical psychology with an emphasis in Multicultural and Latino Community mental health. Connie proudly identifies as Chicana, born in East Los Angeles, and raised by her maternal grandparents in Queretaro, Mexico. www.morlettcounseling.com More deets on the episode: We begin with Connie's definition of codependency: when one surrenders their own identity for the benefits of love, security, safety, belonging, and survival. She emphasizes how being dependent is nothing to villainize and how, from a sociological lens, it is a good thing. However, when relationships become conditional like codependency often does, it is unhealthy. Connie recollects her own codependent relationship with her younger sister. Due to their circumstance, they relied heavily on one another and this lead to each of them wanting the other's approval, love, validation, and so on. Connie highlighted how, if and when she did not get the approval or communication from her sister that she needed, it felt like abandonment. Such a great description of our codependent experience! We shift gears to Connie's expertise: working with couples in therapy. She shares her observations of the codependent parter's behavior, including how we often seize our partners, give up our autonomy/self-trust/wisdom/intuition, become child-like and immature during conflict, and rely on our partner as a “mighty source.” This looks like bickering, fighting, passive-aggressiveness, and name-calling on the day-to-day. And what about the partner of the codependent? We often focus on our behavior but it's a symbiotic relationship! What about the partner in this dynamic? Connie states how the relationships are symbiotic “and they can become parasitic.” The other partner has been codependent too! Their behavior includes staying in the relationship and fulfilling needs despite how draining it is. To address these challenges, Connie has couples ask themselves: how do you get your needs met for yourself first? They must have a willingness and motivation to have a relationship with themselves first THEN address the needs in the relationship. What needs are most important to you? Attention, acceptance, affection, appreciation, or allowance. We conclude with Connie's experience of witnessing couples do the work of “uncoupling” and creating a relationship with themselves: they feel relieved, responsible for their own needs, and become sexy to one another as mature partners! Thanks for coming on Connie! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-How can you shift your mindset from being “chosen” to choosing in the dating world? -What do codependents look like when dating and are trying to be “chosen?” -How can you recognize your own worth whether or not you're in a relationship? Welcome to Episode 143! In this episode, we are graced with the presence of Dontea' Mitchell-Hunter who is here to help us change our codependent mindset when it comes to dating. Dontea' details what codependents tend to look like when we're dating and highlights a common mindset: contorting ourselves to be “chosen” by a partner. We explore how to change this mindset from being “chosen” to doing the choosing! Dontea' provides specific steps we can take to nurture our self-worth and stop defining it through a relationship. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dontea' Mitchell-Hunter is a self-worth coach, therapist, and speaker that helps women get out of unfulfilling relationships and recreate self-love & happiness - single or partnered. Dontea' is also the host of the Situationsh!t Podcast, where she fearlessly tackles those common mental health hang ups that we've all experienced, from feeling like you're too much to not enough at all. She wants women to know their worth doesn't come from being in a relationship nor what others think of them. www.soireesintherapy.com www.dontea.co Free situationship quiz: www.dontea.co/quiz https://www.instagram.com/soireesintherapy https://www.tiktok.com/@soireesintherapy More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Dontea's definition of codependency: when in relation with another, seeing them as a life source. “I need them or else my life will not be as vibrant, hopeful, exciting. I will be nothing and have nothing without you.” Dontea' opens up about codependency in her own life, including a former friendship during college where “we did everything together.” Dontea' recalls how it ended in a big blow up where she was left feeling hurt and with very few connections since she had focused on that friendship so much. We discuss the “codependent fork” she came to and how we all are often presented with these choices: stay with the familiar versus make a change. Oh, how easy it is for us to choose sticking with the familiar, right? We shift focus to Dontea's work with those in the dating world. She lists common codependent behaviors when dating: pressure, especially for women, to “get it right;” avoid scaring a date off, avoid a date judging you, attempting to be “chosen,” get a 2nd date, contort oneself. I recall how I cried when I first met my now-husband since I was so terrified that I could ruin it or scare him off. Dontea' details how we can change our mindset to that of being “chosen” to doing the choosing ourselves. Spoiler alert: it's a process! She emphasizes how we need to: 1) take time to ask yourself and get to know what you want, what you need, and how you want to show up; 2) challenge your old mindset by affirming “I deserve this;” 3) Practice choosing by continually asking yourself if you like the person your dating, whether you want to communicate with them, etc.; and 4) seek support from a circle who have the same mindset. Dontea' offers ways we can recognize our codependency in dating and make changes to nurture our self-worth. She advises to be curious and reflect if you find yourself ruminating, thinking “now my life can start” thanks to being with someone, and think you need to be needed. In regards to self-worth, Dontea' suggests spending time with oneself, creating your own definition of self-worth, and aligning your life with that definition. Thanks for coming on Dontea'! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in families navigating addiction? -Why is it that setting boundaries is so emphasized in these families? -How do you set boundaries with loved ones struggling with addiction? And does it lead to living happily ever after? Welcome to Episode 142! In this episode, Nick Bognar returns to discuss codependency in families navigating addiction. We all know that codependents tend to take on their caretaking roles with dependents (those struggling with addiction or alcoholism) but what does that really look like? Nick describes the common traits of codependents in families navigating addiction and why setting boundaries is so important in these situations. Nick gets specific on what it looks like to set boundaries, both with addicts and other family members, and how to overcome the pain that often comes with boundaries. We conclude with a message from hope about the long-term positive changes boundaries provide. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Nick Bognar is a therapist in Pasadena, CA who specializes in men's issues and codependence. Nick's favorite thing in the world is helping clients learn how to set boundaries. In his spare time, Nick acts in various film projects under the stage name "Ryan Gosling". www.nickbognartherapy.com Resource for therapists: https://go.actionpracticebuilding.com https://www.instagram.com/nickbognarmft/ Nick's first episode on The Codependummy Podcast: https://codependummy.com/codependency-as-a-super-power-say-what/ More deets on the episode: We begin by hearing Nicks' expansion on his initial definition of codependency: taking care of people until it kills you…which is made of a set of behaviors, set of beliefs where there's a non-reciprocity with people or the world. These behaviors, beliefs, and the lack of reciprocity tend to cause a lot of misery, suffering, and lead people into therapy. Nick opens up about codependency in his life, including when he worked as a waiter. He recalls how he was good at it thanks to being adept at anticipating people's needs. He'd extend himself to his customers and often end up feeling betrayed, miserable, and disappointed since he took care of their needs and they did not take care of his. We shift focus to codependency in families navigating addiction. Nick details codependent behaviors in these families, including secret-keeping, an over-focus on a “problem child” while ignoring the addiction, caretaking, and preserving the notion of peace. Nick spells out why setting boundaries is so often emphasized in these families: 1) there is an overstepping of boundaries in said families; and 2) lack of boundaries lead to neglect of self-care. The boundary-less-ness leads a codependent to take on a role of being caring, anticipating needs, allowing abuse, and suffering quietly. We explore what boundaries look like in these families which fall on a spectrum: on one end, boundaries with an addict can involve a complete cut-off from communication; on the other end, it can be refusing to be around them when they drink/use. Nick highlights how boundaries often are confused as a way to say “no,” however, it's truly a way to say “yes” to maintaining relationships. While boundaries are painful, Nick stresses how no amount of help on your part will save a loved one. He recalls helping former clients with setting boundaries and shares a message hope for the positive impact they can have. So go out there and set those boundaries! Thanks for coming on Nick! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is dynamic therapy and how can it treat codependency? -How can dynamic therapy help us develop awareness of our internal world? -What are the initial steps you can take to get clear on what your thinking, feeling, and needing? Welcome to Episode 141! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Ann Krajewski about her specialty: dynamic therapy. In the episode, you'll hear Dr. Ann define dynamic therapy and how it can help treat codependency. Dr. Ann describes how codependency is perceived through a dynamic lens and it's emphasis on helping codependents understand their internal world. We explore defense mechanisms, a key concept in dynamic therapy, as well as the most common defense mechanisms amongst codependents. We conclude with Dr. Ann sharing the initial steps she takes with her clients to heal their relationships with others and themselves. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dr. Ann Krajewski is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Virginia. She works with adults who struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and codependency. She assists her clients in healing their relationship with others and themselves so they can live a more full and satisfying life. www.dynamichealingpsychotherapy.com More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Dr. Ann's definition of codependency. She emphasizes how codependency often develops in individuals who “had something happen to them.” This contributes to an underdevelopment in their sense of self that results in them being attuned to the wants/needs of others while being disconnected from themselves. Ann provides examples, including having a narcissistic parent, experiencing trauma, being the victim of abuse, or chronic neglect. Dr. Ann opens up about codepedency in her own life, personal and professional. As a practitioner, she was codependent on the input and advice from others. Personally, she was convinced her life was “over” after a long-term relationship ended. The latter experience revealed to Dr. Ann that she had unhealed parts of herself to work on (love that term ‘unhealed parts,' right?). We shift to Dr. Ann's specialty: dynamic therapy. She shares how the dynamic approach to therapy is based in psychodynamic and psychoanalytic theory. The emphasis in dynamic therapy is to help a client understand their internal world–how it was formed, how it is sustained, and the patterns that maintain it. She highlights the focus on helping clients put words to their experience in order to develop insights to change their patterns. Dr. Ann details how codependency is seen through a dynamic therapy lens. In the relational sense, codependency develops when needs or feelings are denied/dismissed which results in an underdevelopment in their sense of self. Through the internal aspect, there is a focus on the defense mechanisms that are used (unconsciously) to manage thoughts and feelings. The emphasis is to get to the origin of our defense mechanisms. We discuss common defense mechanisms of codependents, including projection, reaction formation, and turning against the self to avoid feelings like anger, grief, and sadness. Dr. Ann offers the initial steps she takes with her clients to help them heal their relationships with others and themselves. She aims to help her clients develop an understanding of what is happening/their reality, helps them articulate what they are thinking/feeling/experiencing, focus on talking about themselves and their reality, and gives them agency as it is deeply uncomfortable to think for themselves. Thanks for coming on Dr. Ann!! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like with coaches, mentors, and gurus? -What can go wrong when you rely too much on a coach? -How can you focus on your inner work to ultimately decide what is best for you? (rather than continuing to rely on the advice of others) Welcome to Episode 140! This week, Dr. Rima Bonario is back for her third interview! During our time together, we took an in-depth look at what codependency can look like with coaches, mentors, gurus (really any authority figure). As a coach, Rima sheds light on what codependency can look like as a participant/mentee/student: leaving your brain at the door. She describes the good and bad of being codependent with a coach, the long-term consequences, and what codependents can be mindful of to avoid an over-reliance on mentors. We conclude with Rima's advice on how to focus on our inner work to avoid so much outer dependence on others. It's a must-listen. Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dr. Rima Bonario is a Dream Weaver, Soul-Coach and Wild-Heart Healer who draws from the culmination of 30 years of her own evolution to help women experience personal wholeness, relationship harmony, and material abundance in their lives. Medicine, Magic, and Money 5-module course for FREE: https://www.thesevenqueendoms.net/money www.rimabonario.com www.facebook.com/rimabonario More deets on the episode: Rima is back for the 3rd time ya'll! What a gift! We start off with hearing what codependency looks with coaches/mentors/gurus (and other authority figures!). Rima describes how, as a participant, codependency can look like: finding someone you resonate with and concluding “this person has all the answers.” She describes how codependents will “leave our brain at the door” and potentially make decisions that our coach wants, however, are out of alignment with our ultimate goals. We hear how Rima has observed codependency in herself as well as her coaching clients. She describes how, culturally, we love the “expert” archetype. However, if we are not careful, we neglect to think critically about their advice/input/teaching and do things that don't work for us. Rima emphasizes how we must balance our lineage and gnosis. Rima highlights how codependents are vulnerable to vertical and horizontal worship in coaching settings: we worship our coach while attempting to please our peers. “This soothes us but it is a trap.” Ultimately, blind codependency with a coach/mentor/guru can lead us to spend money excessively on their programs, feeling more confused about our direction, relying on outer guidance excessively, and poor self-esteem. How can we avoid codependency with coaches/mentors/gurus? Rima suggests “taking your ‘no' with you,” taking time for inner wisdom/guidance, practicing self-forgiveness and self-compassion, knowing your goals, and inhabiting ease. Rima spells out initial steps to cultivating our inner work, including a focus on being over doing, affirmations, attributing our success to ourselves, using mistakes as teaching moments, co-creating with others (like coaches), and working through a place of ease. Thanks for coming on Rima! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does it mean to “people-please?” -Why do many women, in particular, engage in people-pleasing behaviors? -What are the initial steps you can take to STOP people-pleasing? Welcome to Episode 139! This week, we are graced with the presence of Alyse Freda-Colon for her second interview all about: PEOPLE-PLEASING. In the episode, you'll hear Alyse define what “people-pleasing” means (since we all self-identify as such but do we really know what it means?). We then look into why women in particular are vulnerable to people-pleasing, what it looks like in our day-to-day life, and what the short- and long-term consequences are (believe me, it ain't pretty!). Alyse shares how she helps her clients, especially those in her group Are You Mad At Me?, to stop people-pleasing and embrace that some people may not like us. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Alyse Freda-Colon is a therapist in private practice in New York and has recently launched 2 small group coaching programs-Stop Dating Assholes! and Are you Mad at Me?, the latter is for women who are overthinking people pleasers who are tired of bending themselves into a pretzel to make everyone around them happy, often at their own expense. Coachingwithalyse.com https://www.instagram.com/coachingwithalyse/ Join Alyse's group: https://www.coachingwithalyse.com/are-you-mad-at-me More deets on the episode: We begin by hearing Alyse expand on her definition of codependency: “When you're emotional okay-ness is dependent on someone else.” She adds how codependents cannot compartmentalize or separate themselves from others. We shift focus to what it specifically means to people-please. Alyse describes how it can be seen as a negative description and, in contrast, as a “badge of honor.” This involves self-sacrifice, putting your needs at the bottom of the list, giving without replenishment, doing whatever you can regardless of how it impacts you, and controlling the narrative. Alyse shares with us what people-pleasing looks like day-to-day: with spouses, children, and friends. This manifests through behaviors like: not saying “no,” having a fear of disappointing others, giving excessively, neglecting to asks for needs, and staying quiet to keep the peace. And why are women vulnerable to people-pleasing? Alyse spells out how, due to cultural conditioning, women are concerned with how we are perceived by others. This is a consequence of our modeling of caretaking behavior, reinforcement from others, negative judgment from others, etc. We discuss the short- and long-term consequences of people-pleasing. For the short-term, we end up not getting self-care, feeling unfulfilled, lack time to care for ourselves, and miss out on self-decadence/self-indulgence (the good kind!). For the long-term, the consequences include becoming resentful, martyrdom, identity crises, and not being a person onto oneself. What's a codependent to do to stop people-pleasing? Schedule time for yourself, work through your fears of others being mad at you, use interactions as an opportunity to feel disliked, sit with the feelings, and get comfortable with the fact that not all people will like you. Thanks for coming on Alyse! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-Why do overachieving codependents find it so hard to practice self-care? -How can cooking help one combat their codependency and nourish themselves? -What are the initial steps we can take to focus our attention on self-nourishment? Welcome to Episode 138! This week, I sat down with Kristin Tand, counselor and cooking coach, to explore the magical world of cooking and how it fosters self-nourishment. Kristin describes how overachieving codependents often over-function in their professional lives which leads to them neglecting self-care in their personal ones. We investigate the long-term impact of self-neglect and how cooking can help us bring us back to our bodies. Kristin details the benefits of cooking and how she helps her clients take the initial steps to set time aside to prepare, cook, and serve themselves. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Kristin Tand is a mental health counselor who also loves to cook. She is passionate about helping overwhelmed adults slow down the hustle for perfection and start nourishing themselves in the kitchen. Kristin teaches tips and tricks to get out of your head and into your body, using cooking as a vehicle for living a richer life--while also taking the intimidation factor out of how to cook. www.inthekitchenwithkristin.com https://www.youtube.com/@inthekitchenwithkristin Sign-up for Kristin's reflection bundle on her website: www.inthekitchenwithkristin.com More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Kristin's definition of codependency: an adaptive strategy (often in childhood) used to get your needs met that then becomes unadaptive (often in adulthood). Kristin shares her child development perspective and how codependency often stems from intelligent and strategic behaviors to get one's needs met. Kristin opens up about codependency from her own life, from early dating experiences with her husband to promotions at work thanks to her overachieving tendencies. Her codependency led to her developing fatigue, chronic pain, and eventually quitting her former position to start her own business. We shift focus to codependency, self-care, and self-nourishment. Kristin highlights the common consequences of self-neglect, including fatigue, chronic pain, burnout, shame and imposter syndrome, never feeling satisfied, anxiety, and fear. If one is codependent in their professional life, they may even develop an unhealthy reliance on their partners to take care of household tasks. And how might cooking combat the self-neglect inherent in codependency? Kristin emphasizes how eating is nourishment and how it is a process of slowing down, taking time to make what you want, tap into your 5 senses, get back in your body, and re-parent yourself. Wow! And how does one begin to self-nourish through cooking? Kristin describes her two initial steps: 1) awareness and understanding; and 2) taking small steps. Kristin lists the common objections she hears from her clients when it comes to cooking (failure, shame, limited time, etc.) and how she engages in reflective questioning to help them identify the barriers and make changes in order to start small–like cooking one meal a month. She also notes how she combats codependency from her clients to her by helping them identify their motives: are they looking for a gold star or nourishing themselves. Thanks for coming on Kristin! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is Autism and how does it relate to codependency? -How is “high masking,” a common trait in high-functioning autism, similar and different to codependency? -How can individuals with autism let go of their codependent behaviors? Welcome to Episode 137! This week, we welcome back Gina Metcalf, LCSW, to hear about her recent observations of ASD and codependency. You'll hear about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and how, due to their neurodivergency, many with autism engage in “high masking” behaviors to please and perform for others. Gina details how autism and codependency relate and differ. You'll hear how individuals can distinguish whether they have ASD and how they can then address their codependent behaviors they have developed as a consequence. We end with Gina's take on how we can also be codependent with loved one's who have autism and what we can do to address it. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Gina Metcalf is a Licensed Therapist and Founder of North Star Therapy, a therapy practice specializing in supporting female-identifying clients around issues of anxiety, depression, trauma, and codependency. This is her second time on the show. Be sure to tune into her first episode that aired in March of 2022 titled “That's The Dream.” Gina's initial interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/thats-the-dream-to-be-accepted-and-authentic-with-gina-metcalf-lcsw/ www.northstartherapyinc.com https://www.instagram.com/north.star.therapy/ Resources mentioned by Gina: https://embrace-autism.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Unmasking-Autism-Discovering-Faces-Neurodiversity/dp/0593235231 https://www.instagram.com/neurowild_/ More deets on the episode: We begin by revisiting Gina's definition of codependency: a lack of trust in ourselves and others. Gina describes how codependents often self-abandon, find it difficult to express or know their needs, and fear sharing their truth. Gina encourages her clients to ask themselves: if you could wake up and be honest in your relationships, what would you say? Good prompt to reflect on! Gina opens up about codependency in her own life and how she has been the “emotional taker” in her relationship with her husband. She points out the “secondary gains” of her role and the “shadow side” consequences of her role. Again, healthy to reflect on your own secondary gains and shadow side of your codependency. We then shift gears to ASD: Autism Spectrum Disorder. Gina educates us on how autism is a neurodevelopmental difference in social functioning and hypersensitivity. She describes “high masking” which is a common trait amongst high-functioning autism where one uses strategies to hide autistic behaviors. Gina reflects on her experiences with clients and how autism often is missed due to ableism embedded in the therapeutic process. In therapy and many areas in their life, those with autism can engage in performing and impression-making behaviors in order to “fit in,” however, this results in them feeling lonely and disconnected. Gina distinguishes autism from codependency since it involves: 1) sensory sensitivity; 2) stemming; 3) special interests; and 4) structured routine. If Gina suspects that a client coming in for codependency is also navigating undiagnosed autism, she has learned to seek neurodivergent education, resources, online assessments, and other content and then present her observations to them. We discuss how loved one's and family members can do the same if they suspect autism in others. As a consequence, Gina is then able to help her clients let go of their codependent patterns through awareness, identifying safe relationships to let patterns go, joining strong communities, and practicing self-empathy. Thanks for coming on Gina! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is “work-life balance” and why is it so foreign to codependents? -What does imbalance tend to look like in codependents in work and life? -How can we begin to cultivate balance in our lives? Welcome to Episode 136! This week, I sat down with Naketa Ren Thigpen, Balance and Relationship Advisor, to talk all about work-life balance. We take an in-depth look into what it looks like to have imbalance in your life and the long-term consequences of an imbalanced life. Naketa shares her balance formula and how she helps individuals and couples focus on a) the truth of what they want and b) boundaries to make that truth happen. We explore how codependents can tune out the noise to get in touch with what they want and set boundaries aligned with their needs. We conclude with hearing about Naketa's own work-life balance and how she combats being codependent with her own clients. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Naketa Ren Thigpen is the #1 Balance (and) Relationship Advisor in the World, activating power couples and potent humans who privately identify with witty tongue-in-cheek humor as lazy overachievers. The intersection of work life balance, sustainable business, mental health, and fulfilling relationships is where Naketa thrives at work and in real life. She's marking her legacy of unbound brilliance, beauty, and balance with unapologetic insights on owning the right to be intentionally selfish by leveraging micro sabbaticals that empower you to work less and trust more. https://www.thigpro.com http://www.linkedin.com/in/naketathigpen http://www.instagram.com/asknaketa More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Naketa's definition of codependency: prioritizing someone over yourself. She distinguishes how codependency varies from the unhealthiest to the healthiest version (i.e., giving priority to a child in the moment). Naketa opens up about codependency in her own life with her mother. She recalls how she was codependent with the “potential and possibility” of her mother who struggled with mental illness, substance use, and unhealthy patterns like parentifying Naketa when she was a teen. Naketa describes how this codependent dynamic that she had with her mother repeated in her friendships, professional life, and in her marriage. We shift focus to Naketa's specialty: BALANCE. What does work-life imbalance tend to look like in codependents? Naketa describes how balance is comprised of work, life, and love. When there is imbalance, an individual is not choosing themself–even for a small amount of time. With imbalance, one experiences their energy being sucked by others, saying “yes” when you want to say “no,” and fulfilling the needs of others while neglecting your own. Naketa educates us on her balance formula: T / B. T = the Truth of what you want. B = Boundaries expansive enough to hold space for what you want. But what if codependents struggle to identify their Truth? Or once they have it, they hesitate to create those Boundaries? Naketa details exercises she does with her clients to help them find out what they want related to their “heir” and what they are passing on. She also describes an exercise where she asks: Who is in your kitchen? Through the use of metaphor, Naketa helps her clients decide who they are most intimate with in their “kitchen” and “at their table” compared to those “out in the parking lot.” We conclude by hearing about how Naketa continues to combat codependency with her clients and how she deliberately sets limits to model healthy boundaries for them. Through walking the talk, Naketa empowers her clients to create the same types of boundaries and promote work-life balance. Thanks for coming on Naketa! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in veterans? -Why does a poor transition from military service to returning home often contribute to codependency in veterans? -How can veterans begin to combat their codependency? Welcome to Episode 135! This week, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Daniel Hermosillo, LMFT, and U.S. Army Veteran. Daniel and I discuss what codependency looks like in veterans upon their return from military service. As we heard in last week's episode, many codependent traits and characteristics are beneficial in the military but are harmful upon the return home. Daniel opens up about his own codependency and how he helps his veteran clients let go of their codependent behaviors. While the situation with many veterans may seem dire, Daniel leaves us with a message of hope. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Daniel Hermosillo, LMFT and U.S. Army veteran, provides mental health therapy to teenage boys, men and veterans. Daniel assists the people he works with by assisting them comfront traumas, anxiety, depressions, and relational stressors. Daniel is CBT certified (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), MBSR trained (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction), and TRM trained (Trauma Resilience Model). Phone: (818)744-9551 www.hermosillotherapy.com Veteran Peer Access Network: https://voala.org/vpan/ More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Daniel's definition of codependency: an over-reliance to someone, an object, or an idea. This is related to relational impairments, psychological pain, and behaviors that previously were functional but are now dysfunctional. Daniel opens up about codependency in his own life and how he relied excessively on his ex-girlfriend upon his return from the military. He describes how he constantly needed her feedback as a consequence to receiving so much feedback during his service. His independent thinking was “quelched” and he needed constant feedback, validation, and lacked a sense of self. We then expand our focus to codependency in veterans. Daniel details how veterans will over-rely on partners/family members, seek constant feedback, over-commit to others, hold on to their military identity, have poor boundaries, people-please, self-sacrifice, etc. As a consequence, Daniel has observed their development of cognitive dissonance: “I want it (i.e., validation), but I don't want it.” This has the potential to lead to coping behaviors through substances, video games, etc. In extreme cases, Daniel highlights how codependency can be detrimental and contribute to homelessness, substance abuse, divorce, and joblessness. He emphasizes how veterans dysfunction previously served a purpose. For example, they're ability to “just take it” before in active duty now leaves them vulnerable to working too much in toxic environments. What's a veteran who is really struggling to do? Daniel suggests the need for a good transition home, grieving their military experience and attaching to other things, creating boundaries, and helping them get past their stuck point. In his one-on-one work, Daniel focuses on creating safety, forming a healthy relationship, helping them self-regulate and self-explore, take on “task challenges”, and utilizing their strength. We end on a message of hope as Daniel shares how rich the work is with veterans: they're open-minded, well-traveled, have cultural exposure, good ideas/attitude, and empathy. Thanks for coming on Daniel! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in active duty military members? -How are codependent traits and patterns beneficial in the military? -What are the consequences of unaddressed codependency in the military? And how can we begin to address them? Welcome to Episode 134! This week, I sat down with Austin Koestner, Associate Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Retired Air Force Veteran with 17 years of service. Austin and I take a deep-dive into what codependency looks like in active duty and how many codependent traits/characteristic are beneficial while serving our country. We discuss self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, passive communication, etc. and how they truly have a function in military life. But how can codependency harm mission, morale, and the mental health of military members? We investigate these questions and conclude with initial steps Austin recommends to his active military clients to break codependent patterns. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Support the show!!! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Austin Koestner, Associate MFT and Air Force Veteran, practices in Monrovia CA. He is working towards his AASECT licensure (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) and focuses on serving the LGBTQ population, artists and those who struggle to find meaning, own their identity, and fly their unique flag high without apology. https://openpathcollective.org/clinicians/austin-koestner/ https://www.facebook.com/aoktherapyla/ aoktherapyla@gmail.com Deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Austin's definition of codependency: an excessive reliance on others. He describes how codependents often lack their own self worth, have an inability to validate themselves, often meet the needs of others above their own, and are ever ready to please others. Austin opens up about codependency in his own life related to his time in the military and how he sought his father's approval after every medal, ribbon, and award he received. He felt like the baby bird in Dr. Seuss book, Are you My Mother? “I couldn't inherently validate myself.” It took him having a break-down to finally wake-up to how detrimental his codependency was. We shift focus to codependency in military life. Austin describes how codependency looks like having no sense of self, seeking validation from authority figures, self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, enmeshed boundaries, passivity to commands, and defining one's existence through others. We learn that many of these traits are necessary in order to succeed in the military but, to an extreme, they can be harmful. Austin shares about the impact of codependency on mission, morale, and the mental health of service members. While home in between tours, military members will maintain their codependent traits which leads to self-medicating, suicidal thoughts, angry outbursts, feeling embittered, avoidant behaviors, and self-sacrifice. Unaddressed codependency in military life is not sustainable. Austin's experience demonstrates how his own codependency “almost broke me.” So what can one do to make changes while in active duty? Austin suggests: seek help through base mental health squadron, stop comparing, validate yourself, talk to others, seek resources from local veteran centers (active duty members qualify for services!), and don't let fear stop you from seeking help. Thanks for coming on Austin! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-Why is self-compassion so foreign to codependents, especially those who have food and body issues? -What is mindful self-compassion and how can it help us heal from codependency? -What are the initial steps we can take to cultivate a self-compassion practice? Welcome to Episode 133! This week, Cori Rosenthal, LMFT, is back to educate us on mindful self-compassion. In the episode, you'll hear Cori and I discuss the interconnection between codependency, food, weight, and body image. Cori describes how codependents are vulnerable to said issues since we often have low self-worth, attempt to self-soothe (possibly by over- or under-eating), and receive positive feedback when we meet (or attempt to meet) ideals of conventional beauty. It's a vicious cycle that leaves us disconnected. Cori believes mindful self-compassion can help us heal from all this. She shares about her work integrating self-compassion and how you can start providing self-compassion to yourself asap. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Cori Rosenthal is a licensed therapist based out of southern California. Her training in mindful self-compassion informs her work with teens and adults. Cori specializes in working with intimacy and codependency, food and body issues, trauma, anxiety. SIGN-UP FOR CORI'S FREE SELF-COMPASSION INTRODUCTION by emailing cori@corirosenthal.com Corirosenthal.com https://www.instagram.com/cori_lmft/ Cori's first episode on the Codependummy Podcast: YT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXxEq0yOKDs Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/codependency-and-food-weight-body-image-with/id1550681775?i=1000508146785 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4REHu0vcAXUpiidHY5qAlx?si=6A3MuZSYTBOGGNlr91Y17w More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Cori's definition of codependency: due to developmental “misses” or trauma in childhood–often childhood neglect–one develops a pattern of seeking value from others. Cori differentiates between emotional neglect and “good enough parenting” to help us understand where codependency comes from. As adults, we often don't realize what needs went unmet. We often did not develop an emotional language and our emotions were not validated. Cori opens up about a codependent experience from her own life with a friend. “She was my person and I would suffer on my own until I could talk to her.” She reflects on how she was able to make positive changes thanks to hearing a metaphor on dixie cups that encouraged her to create a “team.” Now, Cori knows her strengths as a friend and the categories of people she needs on her team. She encourages us all to ask: Where are my strengths as a support? and What positions do I need on my team? We then dive into mindful self-compassion and how it helps with codependency, food, and body issues. Codependents are often vulnerable to food and body issues since we have low self-worth, self-soothe (possibly through food), then receive praise from others when we are “disciplined” or meet conventional beauty standards. Mindful Self-Compassion, as created by Kristen Neff, involves: Mindfulness (versus over-identification) Common humanity Self-kindness Cori breaks down how we walk through each aspect and how that helps us identify our needs then take action. In her work with clients, Cori helps them create self-compassion through repetition, identifying emotions and needs, repeating phrases (like I'm human, it's okay), and developing their emotional IQ. It's all about understanding what you didn't get in childhood then giving it to yourself. Thanks for coming on Cori! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is humanistic therapy and how can it help with codependency? -Why is it important to change how we see ourselves with understanding? -How can we begin to improve our self-esteem, self-worth, and sense of self? Welcome to Episode 132! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lindsay Scales, LMFT. Lindsay uses a variety of therapeutic approaches and came to educate us all about one of her specialties: humanistic therapy. In the episode, you'll hear Lindsay open up about codependency in her own life and how, thanks to her own therapy, she's been able to channel that into an impactful career as a therapist. You'll learn about Carl Rogers, the creator of humanistic therapy, and how he treated patients with understanding, compassion, and viewed them as “the expert.” Lindsay details the initial steps she takes with her clients struggling with codependency and you'll leave with useful guidance on how to improve how you view yourself. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Lindsay Scales is an LMFT in Southern California. For the past twenty years of her career, Lindsay's therapeutic skills consist of humanistic, strengths-based, client-centered, and psychodynamic approaches with a holistic perspective; meeting clients where they are in their journey. She has been invited to work with people from all walks of life, at different stages of life, and is always honored by the invitation. Lindsay's professional email and profile: https://www.soultenders.com/therapists/lindsay-scales/ lscales.ip@soultenders.com 45-minute session with Carl Rogers and Gloria: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee1bU4XuUyg More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Lindsay's definition of codependency: the absence of self in relationships, including familial, romantic, social, and professional. She add how codependents often neglect themselves, totally rely on others, and are susceptible to connecting with individuals who struggle with addiction or illness. Lindsay shares with us about her own experiences of codependency, including how she was “set up” as a child of a single parent whose religion, community, and culture encouraged codependent behaviors. Once Lindsay began attending therapy, she realized how her efforts to “show love” to others was misaligned with her needs. We shift focus to one of Lindsay's specialties: humanistic therapy. She describes the humanistic approach: treating the whole individual human rather than the symptom/illness/sickness/disorder. With the approach, the emphasis is on looking back at their whole history and consider all aspects in therapy. Lindsay details how codependents are viewed through a humanistic lens: codependency is a part of the person but does not define them on the whole. Humanistic therapists attempt to offer space for patients to look at other aspects of their lives and focus on their needs. Throughout the therapeutic process, the focus is on building rapport, offering understanding, compassion, creating a safe space, and providing UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD (UPR). UPR was a radical concept created by Rogers where he attempted to provide his patients with unconditionally positive responses in order to combat their shame, embarrassment, and negative self-judgments. Lindsay emphasizes how, through this approach, one is able to radically change their sense of self: they improve their self-worth, self-esteem, self-love, etc. As an initial step, one can ask “how do I currently view myself?” and “how do I want to view myself?” Then, begin to take steps to move towards what you want. Thanks for coming on Lindsay! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What are the root causes of codependency? -How do the root causes of codependency show up in our lives? -Where do we begin if we want to get to the root causes and rebuild from there? Welcome to Episode 131! This week, we are graced with the presence of Lacey Morris, LMFT, for a deep dive into the root causes of codependency. Lacey opens up with us about codependency in her own life and her own root causes that led her to developing a love addiction. Lacey describes the root causes of codependency, ways it shows up in our adult lives, and how it reflects an insecure attachment with others–and OURSELVES! Lacey explains how our attachment style is reflected in our relationship with ourself and what we can do to cultivate a secure self-attachment. We conclude with Lacey's hope and insight on how she helps her clients find a sense of wholeness within. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Lacey Morris is a LMFT therapist. One of her passions and specialties is helping others break patterns of codependency and find a secure bond within themselves. This changes one from the inside out and helps one finally find true freedom and joy. www.laceymorris.com More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Lacey's definition of codependency: where one has too much dependency on others and we abandon ourselves in our relationships. Lacey adds how codependents often are responsible for others' emotions, seek approval from others, and lose themselves in the process. We hear about Lacey's experiences of codependency from her own life, including how she lost her sense of self, lived off “bread crumbs” in her relationships and had little relational nourishment, and formed a love addiction. She used to believe that if she could heal her former partners, then they would love her. This all came to a halt when she had a wake-up call, began her journey to understand her own codependency, and cultivated a sense of worthiness, wholeness, and self-love. Lacey lists the common root causes of codependency: unresolved emotions from childhood, unmet needs from when we were young, childhood trauma, negative early experiences that led us to over-focus on the needs of others in an attempt to meet our own. And what happens when these roots grow as we get older? The root causes of codependency show up in our romantic relationships, familial relationships, friendships, and professional relationships. Lacey details a few examples for the ways the root causes show up in our adulthood. Can you relate? We then dialogue about how codependents often have an insecure attachment with others AND THEMSELVES! Yes, we constantly need reassurance, validation, approval, and love from others. Yes, we are anxious in relationship, worry about rejection/abandonment, and struggle to feel connected. And yes, we may become suicidal when our relationship are going poorly or when we lose them. ALSO, we are insecure with our relationships with ourselves since we often abandon, reject, and avoid ourselves. Lacey suggests 3 ways to begin to form a strong attachment with ourselves: explore the root causes of our codependency: get specific on our relative experience, follow the intricate process in addition to therapy, and re-parent ourselves. This path will lead us to a secure attachment with ourselves. Thanks for coming on Lacey! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What are common characteristics of codependents while dating? -Why do codependents tend to attract assholes when dating? -How can we be more intentional about our needs to find a healthy partner? Welcome to Episode 130! This week, I sat down with Alyse Freda, LCSW, to discuss her approach on helping codependent women who want to stop dating assholes! You'll hear Alyse's observations on the common characteristics of codependents while dating, the common mistakes we tend to make on dates, and the red flags we miss with romantic interests. I even share some anecdotes about my dating history since I had a knack for dating assholes. We look at the long-term consequences if we never address our codependent ways when it comes to romance. Alyse spares us from heartache by revealing the initial steps she takes with her coaching clients to help them be more intentional, aligned, and conscious while dating in order to attract healthy partners. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Alyse Freda is a therapist in New York and has recently launched 2 small group coaching programs for women: First, Stop Dating Assholes! for women who are ready to start dating more strategically. The second is Are you Mad at Me? for women who are tired of bending themself into a pretzel to please others and who are ready to start prioritizing their own needs unapologetically. https://www.coachingwithalyse.com/ Download Alyse's Secret Weapon Dating Guide: https://www.coachingwithalyse.com/ More deets on the episode: We begin with Alyse's definition of codependency: when someone whose self-worth is tied up in someone else.” She details how codependents often develop their sense of self from an external source and are always asking if they are enough, if they are okay, and base their wants on others. And when it comes to dating? Buckle up! Alyse shares common characteristics of codependents: having no idea what we want in a partner, fear around being single, preoccupation with societal and parental pressure to date, settling with partners who are not ideal for us. She adds how codependents often doubt if they deserve a healthy relationship, ignore their gut in relationships, and often spiral about expectations of themselves and others. Alyse details the common dating mistakes codependents commit: we make excuses for our partners behavior, make ourselves responsible for our partners feelings, fail to recognize when a partner is disrespectful, have no sense of our needs, lose ourselves in relationships, and have no clarity on what we are and aren't okay with in relationships. I open up about how I distorted stalking as romantic. And it was not just in one but two subsequent relationships! And the red flags we miss: the fact that we are walking on eggshells, feel like we can't be authentic, fear disappointing our partner, make excuses, and believe lies. We forecast the long-term consequences of these behaviors if they go unaddressed: toxic relationships, wasted time, repetitive patterns, and justifying bad behavior. Alyse spares us of romantic misery by suggesting: adjusting our timetable on love, getting clear on what we want in a partner, cultivate a strong sense of self, determine our dealbreakers/must-haves/key characteristics, reflect on past relationships, and pursue what we want. If you're needing more help to stop dating assholes, be sure to sign up for Alyse's group!!! Thanks for coming on Alyse! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is chronic pain and how does it relate to codependency? -How might codependents sabotage their health? -What are the initial steps we can take to practice self-care and prevent conditions like chronic pain? Welcome to Episode 129! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Andrea Furlan, MD, PhD, on the connection between codependency and chronic pain. In the episode, Dr. Furlan educates us on what chronic pain is and how codependency a) contributes to the development of chronic pain and b) ways that codependents may sabotage their healing from chronic pain since we can't practice self-care. You'll hear ways Dr. Furlan has navigated codependency in her own life, including with her chronic pain patients. We explore Dr. Furlan's eight steps to curing chronic pain and discuss ways you can begin to implement them in your life asap! It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dr. Andrea Furlan, MD, PhD, is an Associate Professor in the Department of Medicine at the University of Toronto and a Staff Physician and Senior Scientist at the Toronto Rehabilitation Institute. Her YouTube page has more than 487,000 subscribers and more than 42 million views. She received a CIHR New Investigator Award, and her research focus is on treatments of chronic pain including medications, complementary and alternative therapies, and rehabilitation. https://www.iwh.on.ca/people/andrea-furlan https://youtu.be/hxP5XKcNGmI https://www.instagram.com/dr.andrea.furlan/ Deets on the episode: We begin by hearing Dr. Furlan's definition of codependency: in a relationship between two people, one person puts the interests of another above their own to help them succeed. Dr. Furlan describes ways that she learned about codependency in addiction medicine and started to see it in her patients who would refuse to take care of themselves. Dr. Furlan opens up about codependency in her own life where, as a mother, she has had to find the balance between doing the right thing for her and her children related to caretaking. She reveals how she and her colleagues often combat codependency with their patients. “We work harder than our patients.” She details empathy research on doctors who prioritize the needs of their patients over their own which contributes to burnout. Can you relate? We shift focus to Dr. Furlan's expertise: chronic pain. We learn what the definition of chronic pain is, the difference between acute pain versus chronic pain, and how it relates to the alarm system in a house. Thing is, with chronic pain, the physical “alarm system” is broken. Dr. Furlan and I discuss the ways she has seen her patients become codependent with their chronic pain where they form an identity as a “chronic pain patient.” We also hear her struggles with codependent patients who have difficulty practicing self-care and sabotage their chronic pain recovery. What's a codependent trying to heal from chronic pain to do? Dr. Furlan suggests these eight steps which she details in her book: Accept you have chronic pain Control your emotions Sleep Nutrition Communication Medication Exercise Goals in life Dr. Furlan leaves us with reminders to practice self-love, compassion, and to create healthy community. Thanks for coming on Dr. Furlan! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in plus-size persons? -How does judgment from others lead plus-size persons to ‘play small' in their relationships? -What are the initial steps to healing from our codependency with body image? Welcome to Episode 128! This week, we are graced with the presence of Annelise Asch, advocate of body neutrality and liberation, to discuss the interconnection between codependency, body image, and plus-size persons. Annelise shares with us how, as young women, we can become codependent on society's standard of beauty and attraction. This, in turn, can lead us to become codependent on our body image and becoming obsessed with morphing and molding our bodies to fit the “ideal.” Annelise opens up about her own codependency with body image and how she was able to break the connection. We conclude with the initial steps she suggests for plus size persons to stop playing small and start taking up space! It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Annelise Asch is the Social media chair for the International Association of Eading Disorder Professionals iaedp LA and a Professional Relations Representative for The Renfrew Center. She is Passionate about mental health and has worked for 3 years providing peer support and coordinating outreach for mental health organizations in Southern California. Annelise is an advocate of body neutrality and liberation and channels that into her work and personal social media presence. instagram.com/anneliseasch Deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Annelise's definition of codependency: when one seeks validation from others and allows others to define one's boundaries. She opens up about codependency from her own life and admits how she used to think it was a compliment! Her former relationship was, unbeknownst to her, extremely codependent where their “compromise” was really them sacrificing their needs. Can you relate? Our focus turns to codependency in plus size persons. Annelise shares about how, as young women, we are vulnerable to becoming codependent on society's beauty standard where we strive to meet the standards of an “ideal body.” This in turn can lead to becoming codependent on our own body image where she obsessively think about, worry about, feel self-conscious about, and hyper-focus on our bodies. Annelise describes her own codependency with her attempts to lose weight and how she was enabled due to the positive attention from others and praise. I ask Annelise about how a plus sized individual may be vulnerable to being codependent in their relationships. If they worry they aren't “pleasing others” with their body, then they may be more agreeable, conflict-avoidant, and appeasing to their partners, parents, and friends. Annelise also describes how being teased, criticized, or shamed by others can lead a plus-size person to ‘play small.' What does recovery look like for a plus-size person? Annelise lists how realization of one's worth, an understanding of body neutrality and body acceptance, finding community, and challenging the beliefs/standards of beauty can free one of being codependent on their body image. Thanks for coming on Annelise! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is purity culture and how does it relate to codependency? -What are the short- and long-term consequences of purity culture? -How can we explore and cultivate healthy intimacy? Welcome to Episode 127! This week, we are graced, for the second time, with the presences of Susanna Guarino, LMHC, to dive into purity culture. In a previous episode, Susanna shared about religious trauma and is here to expand on the impact of purity culture on codependency. We hear what purity culture is, how it left codependent young women to be vulnerable, and the negative consequences it had. Susanna reveals how she helps her clients attempting to heal from codependency compounded by purity culture. You'll be left with insights on how to address issues related to your own lack of intimacy or sexuality. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Susanna Guarino is a therapist in private practice in NY working with couples and individuals who have experienced religious trauma, spiritual abuse, or damaging effects from membership in a high-control group. She is licensed in NY, AZ, RI and FL. http://www.goodearthcounseling.com Deets on the episode: Susanna Guarino is back everyone! We begin with reviewing how she defines codependency: overly focusing on what others need to the detriment of oneself. We connect that to Susanna's specialty working with religious trauma: codependency is seen when one makes decisions based off fear, yields to others influence to avoid sin, and is worried about their eternal damnation if they prioritize their own needs. Susanna opens up about codependency in her own life with an anecdote about purity culture. She describes being part of a Christian church and promising to not have sex until married during a youth gathering. She recalls how, despite the majority making the pledge, two young women defied the leader and refused to acquiesce to the leader's shaming them. We then focus on the interconnection and overlap between codependency and purity culture. Susanna educates us on the history of purity culture, the impact it had on adolescents and teens during the 1990s throughout the US, and it's consequences. Susanna lists various consequences, including internal shame, fear, a lack of sexual pleasure, a lack of intimacy between partners, and a patriarchal/male-centric approach to sex. Many adolescents and teens, especially young women, were vulnerable in this environment and often prioritized the needs of their church leaders, families, and community above their own. We conclude with hearing from Susanna about ways she helps her clients attempting to recover from purity culture through education, developing an understanding, developing comfort discussing sex, cultivating critical thinking, and so on. Thanks for coming on Susanna! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-In our families, how do roles, rules, and responsibilities contribute to our codependency? -As adults, how can we challenge the expectations we have of ourselves and our family members in order to heal? -What are the initial steps we can take to make changes in our families? Welcome to Episode 126! This week, I sat down with Dove Pressnall, LMFT, to discuss her work providing therapy to adult families: between siblings, adult children and a parent, or having a whole family working with her. Dove discusses her approach by helping her clients get clear on their roles, rules, responsibilities and reasons within their family. She opens up about her own role as the “caregiver” and how she was able to heal from that role, especially in her relationship with her mother. We explore how to challenge familial expectations, boundaries, and communication. You'll be left with thoughtful questions you can start to ask yourself to heal your family as an adult. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dove Pressnall, pronouns she/her, is a psychotherapist (all one word, most days) who has been helping individuals, couples and families tackle problems and build the lives they want since 1997. Dove also founded the nonprofit organization Survivors' Truths and, in her spare time, is the single mom to a 15-year-old who is way cooler than she'll ever be. https://www.talkingpossibilities.com/ More deets on this week's episode: We begin with hearing Dove's definition of codependency: when one sacrifices for someone else that is not having the effect one wants. It becomes codependent when what we sacrifice for does not work. She then shares about her approach to codependency which involves looking at her clients' rules, roles, responsibilities, reactions, and reasons. Dove describes her codependency as a child where she was the caregiver in her family. She would roll with the punches, sacrifice her needs, go along with others, etc. She was able to heal from that role and offers hope by sharing about the drastic change she and her mother have had in their relationship. We shift focus to Dove's work with families. She has worked with adult families, including siblings, a parent and a child, or the entire multi-generational family. She helps them question the different expectations in communication, the roles they've had, helps them create space, and explores how they can meet their needs and the needs of others. Dove suggests asking ourselves deep questions like: how and why caring became important to us? When has sacrifice previously paid off? When has sacrifice caused us harm? She concludes by offering her perspective that “good things are going on” when she begins with a new patient. Her focus is to help them become curious about what if things were better? Thanks for coming on Dove! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-How can codependency delay the grieving process? -What are the common behaviors of codependents going through grief? -Why do we need to be mindful and not delay the grief process? What's the worst that can happen? Welcome to Episode 125! This week, I had the pleasure of talking with Kayla Nettleton, LCSW, about codependency and grief. Kayla opens up about her codependency and how it delayed the grief process after the loss of her father. Through sharing her experience, Kayla highlights the common behaviors of codependents who engage in behaviors of people-pleasing and self-sacrifice to “help others,” but, unfortunately, it delays their own grieving after a loss. Kayla describes the consequences of delaying the grief process and suggests steps we can take to move forward if and when we are grieving. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Kayla Nettleton is a Licensed Clinical Social Wworker based in Texas. Kayla loves working with overwhelmed/stressed out women looking to find balance in their life. She also enjoys working with couples looking to get out of a rut. Some of her favorite things include spending time with family and friends, traveling and listening to inspiring podcasts. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/kayla-m-nettleton-san-antonio-tx/883559 More deets on this week's episode: Kayla defines codependency as always wanting or willing to give in relationships and rarely wanting to receive. She describes how codependents often try to be the “hero” as a consequence to how they were raised to offer but not ask for help. She opens up about codependency in her own life and how it led to a pattern where she always wanted her friends to come to her but she never sought their help. We turn our focus to grief and codependency. What is grief? The journey after losing a loved one/someone who meant a lot to you. The grieving process after the loss can be stalled by codependency since, as demonstrated by Kayla's experience, since we dive into patterns that inhibit our own grief. Kayla recalls how she felt needed by her mother, took it upon herself to organize funeral services, and put her grief aside. Kayla shares how she often sees this type of behavior in her client going through the grief process as well as veterans, couples, etc. The consequences of these behaviors leads to anger, resentment, outbursts, and the grief coming up at inappropriate times with inappropriate people. The initial steps Kayla suggests to resolve grief involves going to therapy, sharing our feelings, asking for help, and being more honest. Thanks for coming on Kayla! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like in the children of immigrant families? -How can the immigrant experience lead to the development of narcissism in parents and codependency in children? -How can adult children create healthier relationships with their families? Welcome to Episode 124! This week, I sat down with Henry Au, therapist and son of an Asian immigrant family, to talk about the codependency that develops as a consequence of the immigrant experience. Harry opens up about codependency in his own life as the eldest son in his family. We then explore what codependency looks like in Asian immigrant children and the long-term consequences as they become adults. Harry highlights a narcissitic-codependent dynamic that can manifest and how he helps his clients navigate this. We conclude with the initial steps Harry takes with his clients to help them create healthier relationships with family. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Harry is a social worker and therapist who lives on the Indigenous territory of Dish with One Spoon, which is a Wampum Treaty of the Houdenosaunee and Anishinaabe. This is commonly referred to as the city of Toronto, Canada. https://www.harryautherapy.com/ https://www.harryautherapy.com/newsletter More deets on this week's episode: Harry defines codependency as: really good at knowing what others need, reading signs, honing in on the needs of others. He emphasizes how, in the beginning, this is a great pattern to have in relationships, however, in the end, it results in anger, resentment, and feeling uncared for. Harry opens up about codependency in his own life, including how he took care of his family since he was the eldest, a son, and the son of immigrants in Canada. An interesting experience that Harry had was witnessing his mother's evolution from being a codependent to a narcissist and he ended up taking care of her needs. We explore what codependency looks like in Asian immigrant children: being the translator, protecting your parents, providing for the family's needs, while also neglecting one's needs in order to not be a burden. Harry then reflects on the narcissism that can develop where a parent becomes defensive, blames/shames children, is judgmental, passive-aggressive, and gets their needs taken care of through family members. How does Harry address this narcissistic-codependent dynamic with his clients? He begins by helping them define their emotions, practice embodiment, and set boundaries with non-family members. His work may be focused on helping them cut-off family members, however, he helps them do it in a conscious and intentional manner. Thanks for coming on Harry! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What are attachment styles? -How do attachment styles relate to codependency? -How can we navigate the positive and negative impacts of attachment styles on our relationship? Welcome to Episode 123! This week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Elizabeth Polinsky, LMC, all about attachment styles. Liz educates us on the four types of attachment style: avoidant, disorganized, anxious, and secure. She describes the similarities between anxious attachment style and codependency (since we often are anxious in our relationships, right?). We then explore how attachment styles impact our intimate romantic relationships. Liz shares about her work with couples and how she helps them learn to cope together, foster healthy dependency, and mprove communication. We conclude with hearing the initial steps Liz takes with her clients to help them navigate their attachment style in relationships. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Elizabeth "Liz" Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and Marriage Counselor practicing in Virginia Beach, Virginia. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples. She is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships. www.ElizabethPolinskyCounseling.com www.CommunicateAndConnectPodcast.com More deets on the episode: Liz shares her definition of codependency and describes why she doesn't like the term! However, she often sees it as a pattern where one partner gives up themselves to the other. She opens up about codependency in a former relationship where she worried about conflict, feared being rejected, and did her best not to rock the boat which led to dire consequences. We then focus on Liz's specialty of attachment styles. What is ‘attachment style?' Liz teaches us about anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure attachment styles. The one that is most aligned with codependency is anxious: a template for how I cope by being perfect, needed, caretaking, etc. And what happens when we are in relationships with others who have opposing attachment style? There's stress! Liz spells out how, due to the threat of loss, our attachment style comes “online” and we often end up in a pursue-withdraw pattern. How do we change this to a pattern of ‘coping with?' Liz works with her clients on becoming more flexible, emotionally aware, and cultivating a healthy dependency. We conclude with hearing initial steps: understand the pattern (trigger, emotion, meaning, protective behavior, a.k.a, TEMP) and create a secure bond. Simple but not easy! Thanks for coming on Liz! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does it mean to ‘define a relationship?' -How can we set clear expectations in our relationships through defining them? -Why should we start defining our codependent relationships asap? Welcome to Episode 122! This week, we hear from Jamal Jones, LMFT, on how to ‘define relationships.' Jamal shares with us how, what, why, and when we can take our relationships–especially our codependent ones–and clarify our expectations through defining them. Jamal provides helpful examples to improve our understanding of how we can implement relationships definition in our personal, professional, and social life. We conclude with tangible steps for how to define relationships and hear about the long-term benefits, including self-awareness and healthy boundaries. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Jamal Jones is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Entrepreneur, Speaker and Coach. In his clinical practice he specializes in Marriage Counseling, Therapy For Men, and People of Color. https://www.centralvalleychristiancounsel.com/ https://www.facebook.com/centralvalleychristiancounsel https://www.instagram.com/jamall.jones1/ www.linkedin.com/in/jamal-jones-lmft-4352579b More deets on this week's episode: We begin with hearing Jamale's definition of codependency, which he sees in behaviors like people-pleasing, difficulty making decisions, an inability to acknowledge and own one's needs, etc. Jamal describes codependents often live a life, have a mindset, and display patterns that are focused on pleasing others. Jamal opens up about his own codependency as a professional in his former career. He emphasizes how, as a consequence to his codependency, he was vulnerable as a service-oriented, heart-oriented professional where he sought the approval of his boss. Like many of his clients, Jamal recognizes how he was depressed, anxious, afraid, and suffering as a consequence of his codependency. We shift focus to Jamal's expertise with helping his clients define relationships. Jamal provides an example of a relationship evolving from dating to a long-term commitment. Similar to dating, Jamal encourages us codependents to define relationships in all areas of our life. He describes how we can start to define relationships by identifying what is important to us; by getting clear on who we are, our values, our needs, etc. Jamal suggests Stephen Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People as a start. In addition, he encourages us to be proactive and create a self-care plan to create actions to shift from being dependent to independent. Thanks for coming on Jamal! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is holistic therapy and how can it help treat codependency? -How can you build holistic boundaries? -How can you better prepare if your boundaries piss people off, hurt others, or are met with pushback? Welcome to Episode 121! We have the honor of getting to know Chris McDonald, LPC, and her approach to treating codependency through holistic therapy. In this episode, Chris shares with us on what holistic therapy is and how it can help us set boundaries. You'll hear how Chris helps her clients become more aware of their psychological, physical, mental, emotional, social, and physical selves in order to identify how to better meet their needs. We conclude with hearing unique tips from Chris to set boundaries and realistically prepare for pushback. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Chris McDonald is a Holistic Licensed Therapist and owns a group online practice, “Path to Hope Counseling.” She specializes in treating young adults with anxiety, depression, trauma and grief. Chris is host of “The Holistic Counseling Podcast.” https://www.holisticcounselingpodcast.com More deets on this week's episode: We begin with hearing how Chris conceptualizes codependency: as a learned behavior that is a consequence of unavailable and/or narcissistic parents. Chris describes how codependents often have a core belief that “I don't matter” and prioritize the needs of others, engage in people-pleasing, have a fear of conflict, worry about hurting others, have perfectionistic tendencies, and complain of feeling depleted. Chris shares about codependent experiences from her own life, including an email exchange from earlier in the day! She recalls a codependent relationship from her young adulthood. Can you relate? We shift gears and focus on Chris' specialty as a holistic therapist. She defines holistic therapy for us and how the client is assessed in multiple areas of their life: emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, social, physical, and psychological. In addition to perceiving her clients through this holistic lens, she integrates somatic work and trauma therapy to have an all-encompassing perspective on the client and their needs. And what about setting boundaries in a holistic manner? Chris describes how codependents often do things for others out of obligation. When they get in touch with their needs in a holistic manner, they are then able to better identify their needs and set them with others. Chris details how she has her clients start small, focus on their values, and role-play in order to prepare for the pushback from others. Others might be pissed–they might be hurt. Chris helps her clients by role-playing and preparing for the aftermath of setting boundaries. She also helps empower them by standing firm. As a consequence to setting boundaries, she's observed how her clients then have more time, more ownership of their time, and are able to schedule self-care. We hope you're able to create a holistic boundary this week as a consequence to hearing this episode! Thanks for coming on Chris! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-How does codependency relate to weight, body image, and eating disorders? -If we are always needing the love and approval of others, how does that translate to how we treat our bodies? -What are some ways we can focus on connection with others for who we are rather than how we appear? Welcome to Episode 120! Meredith Blumenthal, MS, RDN, CD, joins us to talk about the interconnection between codependency, body image, weight, and eating disorders. If we, as women, are so preoccupied with being approved and loved by others, then how does that translate to our relationship with our bodies, food intake, and weight? Meredith educates us on eating disorders, disordered eating, and patterns we develop around food and weight. You'll hear how, similar to codependency, eating disorders are often rooted in an attempt to get one's needs met–it just ends up doing the opposite. We conclude with tips from Meredith on how you can focus on connection with others rather than approval from others of your body. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Meredith is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist specializing in nutrition therapy for individuals struggling with food and body image concerns. She owns an all-virtual private practice where she helps clients get to the roots of their unhealthy relationships with food and movement, and reclaim trust in their bodies. Meredith considers herself an "Anti-diet Dietitian" and helps individuals understand how dieting is harmful to their mental and physical wellbeing, and how to honor their body's true desires without depriving themselves of the foods they love, or jeopardizing their physical health. www.nutritionwithmeredith.com More deets on this week's episode: We begin with hearing how Meredith conceptualizes codependency. She prefaces her definition by acknowledging she sees it through her lens as a dietitian: a pattern in relationships–romantic, parental, social, professional, therapeutic–where an individual values the approval of others above their own. Codependent seek validation from external sources. Meredith recalls codependency from her own life and how she often sought validation from external sources. She recalls being praised, approached, and approved of by others for meeting the cultural ideal for those presenting as female. This turned into her always wanting to please others with her looks, outfit, appearance, etc. However, this was met with feelings of isolation and loneliness since she was connecting with others through her appearance. We shift gears to Meredith's specialty: eating disorders, weight, and body image. Meredith educates us on eating disorders and how they can be seen on a spectrum. And how do they relate to codependency? Meredith describes how eating disorders, dieting, and related behaviors often develop as a protective tool where we attempt to connect with others. If I'm thin, others will like me. If I eat healthy, others will approve of me. But then, those with eating disorders, become fixated and over-focus on the eating/weight/body image rather than the connection they hope to garner. We conclude by hearing about ways we can “skip” connecting with people through their approval of our bodies and simply connect with them. Meredith shares an affirmation she uses: I want to be seen for who I am, not for how I physically appear in the world. Thanks for coming on Meredith! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What do addicted and dysfunctional families look like? -How does growing up in an addicted and dysfunctional family contribute to the development of codependency? -What are the similarities and differences between highly sensitive people (HSP) and codependents? Welcome to Episode 119! This week's guest, Natalie Friedman, LMFT, is here to enlighten us on the traits and characteristics of addicted and dysfunctional families. Natalie opens up about experiences from her own family and identifies and common signals of addiction/dysfunction. We explore the consequences of growing up in families with addiction and how it often manifests in codependent relationships. We conclude with hearing Natalie's initial steps she takes with her therapy patients to help them become aware of a) the fact that they have feelings and b) how to feel their feelings. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Natalie Friedman is a licensed marriage family therapist in private practice in Santa Monica CA. She has been in practice for about 10 years and is currently seeing people online and in person (prefers in person). Natalie loves working with highly sensitive folks who grew up in addicted/dysfunctional families. www.natalietherapy.com More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Natalie's definition of codependency. She describes how she relates codependency with recovery, Al-Anon, and the field of addiction. “Codependency is a set of behaviors we learn in systems to stay connected.” She emphasizes how codependency often starts in childhood with good intentions and then turns into less adaptive behaviors as adults. I love Natalie's language, don't you! In intimate relationships: “we get a beautiful view of all these strategies.” “It was like I was body-snatched.” “I dated people who were highly unavailable.” Love it! Natalie recalls a codependent relationship from her early 20s and how her attempts to control him led to his observation: “It feels like you're mothering me.” We shift to Natalie's specialties with highly sensitive people (HSP) who often grew up in addicted/dysfunctional families where there was chaos. As a consequence, children in these households often are hyper-vigilent and sensitive to stimuli–emotional, relational, physical, etc. Common traits include observing, mind-reading, caretaking, sensitivity to the needs of others, and not allowing our own needs. And what happens to this children? Natalie compares resourceful versus unresourceful children. Those who are resourceful end up as “giving” adults, experience relational anxiety, are attuned to others, read moods, become physically ill, dissociate, and are great personal assistants! We wrap up with hearing how Natalie helps her patients recognize that a) they have feelings and b) how to feel their feelings. She suggests rewiring by reading, having a conversation about their feelings (like in therapy), being curious, somatically listening to their bodies, etc. She reads an excerpt from Melody Beattie's book, The Language of Letting Go, from the day we recorded. If you're interested in hearing more about her specialty, Inner-Relationship Focusing, be sure to reach out! Thanks for coming on Natalie! And thank you for being here, dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-How does codependency contribute to burnout in therapists? -What is ‘misattunement' and how can we better understand it's impact during our childhood? -Why is community so fundamental in healing our codependency? Welcome to Episode 118! This week, we are greeted with the presence of Monica Helvie, LMFT, to discuss burn out in therapists. Monica describes what codependency looks like in overworked and burnt out professionals: contorting, insecurity, self-doubt, and maintaining a facade of competence. We explore how our experiences in childhood and being over-attuned to others may make us more vulnerable to burnout as working adults. Monica emphasizes how having a community is fundamental in our healing and offers ways we can start to form our own. We conclude with hearing some tips from Monica on how to address burnout in our lives. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Monica Helvie is an LMFT and trauma coach for audacious, overworked and burned out therapists. She helps her clients find their inner badass again with insight and connection. She uses trauma informed, body based interventions to help healers break through their burnout and achieve authentic alignment with their best self. www.monicahelvie.com Freebie from Monica: Core Wounds Workbook → https://monica-helvie-s-school.teachable.com/p/released-core-wounds-workbook More deets on the episode: We begin with hearing Monica's definition of codependency: when an individual has learned it's safer to attune to the needs of others. Codependents often experience a lot of guilt and shame in response to their needs not being met and then internally make meaning out of it. Monica describes misattunement and how, unfortunately, codependents often develop an internal perception of what they have to do to survive where they minimize their needs. Monica shares with us about codependency in her own life and ways she overattuned to her parents. In her effort to develop safety, awareness, and repair in her relationships, she created a template for how to interact with others and then took that to everyone in adulthood. She turned into the hero, the fixer, the competent one. We shift to Monica's specialty: working with burnt out therapists. Monica lists the common traits: contorting, guilt, shame, self-doubt, insecurity, isolation, and projecting resilience/independence/competence. These traist then often contribute to burnout, exhaustion, imposter syndrome, and isolation. How does Monica help therapists combat burnout and find their inner badass again? Monica emphasizes how therapists have a deep craving for connection and creativity. In order to help them be their authentic and honest self, she empowers them to stop settling for bad work environments. She helps them cultivate radical responsibility, get in touch with their values, and ask the big question: what do I want for me? She offers a community to her clients and tells us why and how we can start to cultivate our own community. Thanks for coming Monica! And thank you for being here dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! Appreciate it! -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What is “yoga therapy?” -How can yoga therapy and other somatic therapies help those who are codependent and/or highly sensitive? -What can you do to start building awareness of your needs through awareness of your body? Welcome to Episode 117! This week, I sat down with Rachel Wilson, LCSW, to discuss yoga therapy: an approach to therapy that incorporates yoga and psychotherapy in order to bring awareness to the mind, body, and spirit. Rachel describes her use of yoga therapy and somatic therapies to help her patients dealing with codependency and/or high sensitivity which helps them develop a better sense of their needs, quality of their relationships, and b o u n d a r i e s. She educates us on the benefits of yoga therapy and provides simple suggestions for how we all can start attuning to ourselves. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Rachel Wilson is a psychotherapist, yoga therapist, and social justice activist committed to supporting people impacted by personal, systemic, and vicarious trauma to re-embody and reconnect. She focuses her work in private practice on helping people who put their energy into supporting others and the community to care for themselves holistically. www.interconnectedhealing.com More deets from this episode: We begin with hearing Rachel's definition of codependency. She describes seeing codependency more in terms of boundaries and lack of boundaries. Codependents tend to focus on others and have difficulty with vulnerability and accountability with others. Rachel highlights the similarities and differences between codependents and highly-sensitive people, a specialty from her practice. Rachel opens up about codependency in her own life and how that has affected her relationship with her parents in the past and present. We hear Rachel's description and differentiation between codependents, empaths, and highly-sensitive people (what stands out to you? can you relate to the traits she describes?) Next, we shift gears to discuss the importance of yoga therapy and other types of somatic therapies to help treat codependency. Rachel shares with us how yoga therapy helps patients develop awareness of their mind, body, and spirit through a individualized practice of yoga poses. As a consequence to practicing yoga therapy, Rachel shares how her patients are able to become aware of their discomfort and then, when helpful, are able to sit with their discomfort. Rachel emphasizes how her approach helps her patients become aware of their need for boundaries and appropriate distance/closeness in relationships. She suggests how we can incorporate deep breathing, stretching, shaking, tapping, journaling, and other tools to cultivate self-attunement. Thank you for coming Rachel! And thank you for being here dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! Appreciate it! -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
-What does codependency look like when it comes to sex? -Why do codependents ‘fake it?' And what can they do if they want to stop? -How can we begin to prioritize and balance our and our partners' sexual needs? Welcome to Episode 116! Rima Bonario is back to talk about codependents in bed! What does codependency look like when it comes to sex? Rima tells all and helps us get real about faking it. You'll hear Rima describe how codependents often prioritize the sexual needs of their partners and the long-term consequences of such behavior. We learn how unsustainable it is to gratify, satisfy, and tend to the needs of your partner while ignoring your own. We end with tips on how to become familiar with our own sexuality and ways we can prioritize our need for sexual pleasure. It's a must-listen! Links for the show: Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show! More on this week's guest: Dr. Rima Bonario is back! Her first episode with us aired on January 9 and focused on feminine sovereignty. Rima is a Dream Weaver, Soul-Coach and Wild-Heart Healer who helps women experience personal wholeness, relationship harmony, and material abundance in their lives. https://rimabonario.com/free-gifts → Three blocks to satisfying self-care AND MORE http://thesevenqueendoms.net/series http://7daystoawaken.com https://www.facebook.com/RimaBonarioTHD More deets on this week's episode: Rima Bonario is back! Let's talk about sex baby! We begin with hearing about Rima's take on what codependency looks like IN THE BEDROOM! GASP! Rima shares with us how codependents will other-reference and cater to what our partners need sexually while abandoning our own bodies. She adds how we also neglect our own bodies response. Rima opens up about her own sexual experiences tainted by codependency. She recalls how, in the past, she was unable to differentiate her partners' pleasure with her own. I also open up about how I often faked it with former lovers and how all that mattered was his pleasure. Can you relate? Rima educates us on the consequences of prioritizing the sexual needs of others while ignoring our own: resentment, sadness, dissatisfaction, and fantasizing about others (which could lead to emotional or sexual infidelity). We learn how, unlike popular culture would like us to believe, the time it takes for sexual pleasure to pique for a woman is 45 minutes! Due to her own exploration, Rima was able to discover how she needed dialogue, safe physical touch (e.g., massage), and other external stimuli (like candles) to help her set the mood. How can you start to explore and do the same? Rima suggests ways we can stop faking it and discover our sexual sovereignty. “The foremost expert on your own body is you!” She instructs us to be curious about our own body, familiarize ourself with the anatomy of a woman, read books, seek professional support, find community with other women, attend support groups as needed, and seek resources. Thanks for coming on Dr. Rima! And thank you for listening, my dear listener! PLEASE: Rate. Review. Subscribe. Share. We need more ratings on Spotify! TY! -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me! -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC See you next week!
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