Honest Talk About Heartbreak, Dating and Relationships

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How are people like us... who didn't grow up being taught how to have an authentic relationship or have any great relationship role models... who are facing the usual challenges and stresses of work and life...how do we get over break ups, get into authentic relationships and maintain love and conne…

Rob McPhillips

Ipswich, United Kingdom


    • Apr 22, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekly NEW EPISODES
    • 1h 25m AVG DURATION
    • 145 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Honest Talk About Heartbreak, Dating and Relationships

    Leadership Lessons From Marcus Aurelius

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 22, 2025 42:39 Transcription Available


    In this episode, join Rob and Sarah as they delve into the life, philosophy, and leadership of Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. They explore his humble beginnings, his profound stoic teachings, and how his writings still resonate today. They discuss the essential qualities of stoic leadership, the impact of historical context, and the importance of aligning actions with core values. This deep conversation also touches on personal growth, the Enneagram, vulnerability, and the timeless relevance of ancient wisdom in modern times. A must-watch for anyone interested in self-mastery, leadership, and philosophical introspection.00:00 Introduction to Note Taking and Personal Reflections01:08 The Backstory of Marcus Aurelius02:13 Philosophical Insights and Personal Connections03:49 The Stoic Leader and His Values06:37 Comparing Historical Leaders11:49 Modern Reflections on Leadership and Stoicism20:01 Exploring the Connection Between Ego and Emotion21:23 The Core of Leadership and Vulnerability25:31 Understanding and Resolving Conflict27:13 The Importance of Authenticity and Self-Discovery33:29 The Impact of Industrial Revolution on Human Behavior35:59 Key Takeaways and Final Thoughts

    Stories We Tell: The Power of Narrative

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 7, 2025 69:19 Transcription Available


    £2 trillion was wiped from the world's stock markets last week.Economist's estimate that the cost of Donald Trump's tariffs will be $1 trillion. If you ever believe you alone can't make a difference, consider the impact of Mr Trump. One man creating worldwide havoc financially and diplomatically. Millions of Americans think he's just what America needs.Billions around the world think he's nuts. And dangerous. But the point is, all the upheaval, uncertainty and anxiety is created by a narrative.Every day in our workplaces and families we operate on narratives.Whether it's to fight a war. To work from home or the office. Or to eat your veg and get up at 5am.It's all a narrative.Some are true and positive. Some are dangerous dogma. But we all work from a narrative.Friction in our relationships and our workflows have a cost.That cost is because the narrative we work on isn't true. When people protest at Tesla and in the streets, it's a reaction to not being told the truth. Humans have a built in BS radar for lies and they retaliate.Sometimes with violence and sometimes by quietly disengaging.Some lies are agreed. Some are manipulative. And some are borne from ignorance.The money today doesn't go to the people who do the work.It goes to the people who create the narrative for the people who do the work. Most of us today are knowledge workers. We play our part in creating that narrative.Creating a better narrative is the most valuable activity of our time.In this podcast episode Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I discussed the importance of narratives.

    Friction Points In Teams

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 31, 2025 30:30 Transcription Available


    "Once more and I'm going to deck him".Do you love or hate open plan offices?I tried working at a co-working space at my local Uni. It was quiet when I got in, but once the Uni staff got in, they would be gossiping through the day. I really struggled to be able to concentrate in that environment.When we go to work, we don't choose who we work with. We are put together with a group of strangers. Some become friends. But others grate on us.Their little habits irritate us.The one who chews so loud. The one who plays music so loud through headphones that everyone else has to listen. The person who's always cold and ramps the heating up.It's these little frictions that build up resentments and can explode in anger.Tony Walmsley and I were talking about the personality differences that create these frictions. And how understanding can help us to ease personality conflicts.

    From Theories to Practice: Psychometrics in Leadership

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 24, 2025 39:25 Transcription Available


    Is it fair?Toddlers in pre-school cry that it's unfair.. Elon Musk and Donald Trump are doing much the same. Your team will too.There's a deep human need for things to feel fair.Yet, there is no sign that life and the universe intend life to be fair. Every species is different. And every person is different.Your team will judge you for your fairness.Yet, that doesn't mean that you treat them the same. Sometimes it's been refined into equitable. That everyone has the same chance.Your job as a Manager is not to treat everyone the same.It's to understand which each need. In our conversation Tony Walmsley talked about the differences between Sprinters and Marathon Runners. Each needs different things.Your team members each have different needs... your job is to work out what they are.Today's podcast episode was a discussion with Niki Vinogradoff, Tony Walmsley and myself.

    LEADERSHIP Strategies to WIN the Game of Life

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 17, 2025 42:03 Transcription Available


    Who do you listen to?Your Mentor, Guide or Inspiration is the limit to your potential. The depth of wisdom behind their words is the limitation in how profound their impact is.We often live in a world of superficial knowledge. A world where tactics and fads dominate. But alongside the ephemeral lies some eternal wisdom.The Art of War is one of those deep sources of wisdom.Still required reading on many courses. 2,500 years after being written. And it still holds true in war, business and life.I was joined by Michael, Sarah and Tony to discuss The Art of War and it's relevance today.

    What Makes a DIVERSE Team Work Together

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2025 44:12 Transcription Available


    What if your team's differences were it's greatest strength?There's a belief held by many that the 9/11 Twin Towers wasn't seen because of a lack of diversity in the CIA. The CIA argued that it needed the best people to protect the country. So they recruited people who looked and thought like themselves.Until the 9/11 tragedy highlighted a problem.When we don't understand cultural differences we miss nuances in the intelligence gathered. So they started to recruit more diverse backgrounds to cover their blindspots. People who understood the context the intelligence came from.Until Trump put an end to DEI initiatives at least.Diversity is a strength because it can help us get past our own biases. Without it we are vulnerable to believing we're right. And pride always comes before our fall.The old story of the blind men who each feel a different part of the elephant shows us why we need diversity.If we only took one, or even two, we'd never know what an elephant was like. Together we can get a much more accurate perspective.In today's podcast episode Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I discussed how cognitive diversity can be a team's strength.

    How Much Adaptation Tax Are You Paying?

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2025 40:22 Transcription Available


    There's been a lot of talk recently about quiet quitting and burnout.Tony Walmsley talks about something he's made me think a lot about... the cost of adapting.For starters we work in a world that is stressful for our biology.When we then have to change our natural personality to fit a culture or our colleagues it stresses us. These adaptations come at a cost. When we make too many, for too long, we burnout.Friction comes at the cost of efficiency. Sometimes the business pays the cost in lower profit. And sometimes the employees pay the cost personally.As a Manager or an Employee it's something to think about... how much adaptation tax are you paying?

    Setting The Culture Of Your Team

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2025 75:37 Transcription Available


    What is the key task of a leader?Ask 100 people and you'll get 100 answers. When you abstract at the most universal truth of leadership. The key is to connect people to the reality of their situation.We are a world of 8 billion people.Each with our own interpretation of the world. What it means. And what is good or bad.A Leader creates a frame that fences the boundaries of the group.The team then operate within this frame of reality. This defines shared objectives, values and standards. It becomes the culture that creates the performance.What do you think is the key task of a Leader?Today's podcast episode with Clark Ray and Tony Walmsley discussed how Managers can set and control the operating frame.

    How Fragile Are Your Plans, Your Team And Your Career?

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 17, 2025 39:20 Transcription Available


    What's the opposite of fragile?Most people would say something robust. But Nassim Nicholas Taleb says that's a mistake. He argues that the opposite is something antifragile.Something which gains from disorder.In an increasingly volatile world, he says we shouldn't try to protect the fragile. But instead to be more resilient through anti-fragility. Industries like restaurants become better as the fragile get weeded out.The system as a whole becomes stronger. How can we use this principle in our work and life?In this episode Eduardo Dos Santos Silva, Neil Hamilton and I discussed the implications.

    The Dance Between Leaders, Managers And Followers

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 10, 2025 60:37 Transcription Available


    Is a referee a leader or manager?Often today we use the term referee or leader interchangeably. This dilutes the difference those roles have. Which poses the question... is a sports referee a leader or a manager?Establishing the differences, allows us to define the responsibilies of each.In today's podcast, Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I discussed Managers, Leaders and Followers. What are the rights, responsibilities and duties of each?What happens when team members fall short or disengage?Is it the responsibility of team members to follow? Or for leaders to inspire followers to want to follow?Share your thoughts below and as part of The Building Better Leaders Research ProjectLinks:Clark Ray's Linkedin Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/10thman/Clark's Website: https://www.clarkray.comTony Walmsley's Linkedin Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tony-walmsley/Tony's Website: https://theleadersadvisory.comRob McPhillips's Linkedin Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robmcphillips/Building Better Leaders Research: https://robmcphillips.com/building-better-leaders-project/Chapters:00:00 Ben White's Gamesmanship: A Controversial Tactic00:39 Referee's Role: Leadership or Management?01:25 Defining Leadership: A Philosophical Debate02:33 Ethics in Sports: Comparing Football and Rugby03:28 Historical Leaders: Churchill, Blair, and More04:23 The Complexity of Leadership and Followership05:31 The Referee's Ethical Dilemma08:52 Leadership in Crisis: Trust and Authority14:42 The Role of Vision in Leadership20:13 Permission vs. Commitment in Leadership31:42 The Essence of Leadership33:25 The Problem with Modern Leadership34:02 Historical Examples of Leadership Failures35:50 Character and Integrity in Leadership37:12 Leadership in Family and Society39:39 Challenges of Leading in Today's World44:22 The Role of Vision in Leadership54:06 The Importance of Moral Leadership55:45 The Need for Collective Vision58:58 Final Thoughts on Leadership and Followership

    The Importance of Self Awareness and Team Awareness

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 3, 2025 41:39 Transcription Available


    Who do you serve?How do you serve them? Why? And what are the boundaries of that service?The answers to these questions go a long way to clarifying our work. They help define the contexts of our relationships in coming together. They ensure we fulfil our purpose. And they help us frame the decisions we make.This starts with understanding who we are and how us and our colleagues work.Today's episode was a discussion into self awareness informed by Tony Walmsley's work on his SCORE Profiling Tool.Links:Clark Ray's Linkedin ProfileClark's WebsiteTony Walmsley's Linkedin ProfileTony's WebsiteRob McPhillips's Linkedin ProfileRob's Website

    The Surprising Ways We Fool Ourselves

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 27, 2025 42:49 Transcription Available


    How good are you at making decisions?How confident are you in your answer? The more aware you are of the way your mind works, the less sure you will be of your answer. Our decisions are fraught with biases and distortions.Thinking Fast and Slow is one of the most respected books on decision making. Daniel Kahneman's work won him a Nobel Prize for Economics. Some call it the bible for the developing field of Behavioural Economics.In it he shows a number of surprising ways we fool ourselves.Eduardo dos Santos Silva, Michael Ward, Romana Prochazkova and I met to discuss our insights from the book.Links:Eduardo Dos Santos SilvaMichael WardRomana ProchazkovaRob McPhillipsChapters:00:00 Introduction: Understanding Decision-Making Systems00:17 Key Insights from the Book01:10 Exploring Biases and Decision-Making01:40 The Importance of Diverse Teams02:55 Personal Reflections and Comparisons04:51 Frustrations with System One and System Two05:16 Regression to the Mean: A Key Concept06:13 Psychological Soundness and Boredom06:58 Head, Heart, and Gut: Different Systems?09:27 Decision-Making Processes and Logical Thinking13:04 The Book's Audience and Writing Style21:17 The Legacy of Kahneman and Tversky23:00 Visual Learning in Mathematics24:08 The Pyramid Pattern and Pattern Recognition26:57 Heuristics, Algorithms, and AI28:10 Cultural Differences and Fairness28:39 Book Readability and Summaries

    How Identity And Psychology Impact Our Leadership Style

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 21, 2025 53:19 Transcription Available


    Clark, Tony and I discussed our ideas of leadership. We talked about how our own sense of identity and our psychology impacts our thinking and behaviour as a leader using examples from history and personal experiences. Links: Clark Ray's Linkedin Profile: / 10thman Clark's Website: https://www.clarkray.com Tony Walmsley's Linkedin Profile: / tony-walmsley Tony's Website: https://theleadersadvisory.com Rob McPhillips's Linkedin Profile: / robmcphillips Rob's Website:

    Managing Conflict To Raise Performance

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 16, 2024 40:10 Transcription Available


    Want to really know someone?Get into a fight with them. Especially one that hits all their hot buttons. You'll soon see the worst of them. Conflict does funny things to people.It is one of the few times we drop our carefully crafted social masks. It's one of the reasons couples think their partner has changed. Because they just didn't get to see this side when everything was smooth sailing.Work is the other place where conflict can often happen.It happens because we care. We see our future as being tied up with the future path we choose. And so we get threatened.How we deal with conflict is the key determinant of how effective we will be.All too often, we avoid conflict. Or we become over-aggressive. In today's episode Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I talked about conflict at work.

    The Path of Mastery: Discussing Robert Greene's Book

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 9, 2024 59:06 Transcription Available


    What did you want to be when you were a child?Before the world filled you with doubts. Before you learned to subjugate yourself to it's rules. What did you love to be?I loved @Michael's quote from Gustave Flaubert in this context'Genius... is childhood rediscovered'One of the most influential schools of psychological thought is that of Behaviourism. That children are blank slates. And we can program them to be whatever we want.Yet to be human is something much more than one of Pavlov's salivating dogs.We are born with something, that flavours everything we do. Today's podcast episode is our discussion of the book, Mastery by Robert Greene.I was joined by:Eduardo Dos Santos Silva: https://www.linkedin.com/in/eduardodossantossilva/Michael Ward: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-ward-7a4671227/Saurabh Debnath: https://www.linkedin.com/in/saurabh-debnath/00:00 Introduction and Initial Impressions00:06 Different Versions of the Book01:01 Author's Background and Controversial Works02:41 Personal Reactions to the Book03:39 Comparing Mastery with Other Books07:12 Themes and Commonalities Among Masters13:38 Education and Mastery23:20 Socioeconomic Disparities and Their Impact25:16 Global Perspectives on Poverty28:47 Aid to Africa and Global Wealth Disparity30:10 Work-Life Balance and Cultural Pressures in India32:38 The Influence of Social Media and Role Models35:37 Economic Systems and Societal Values39:41 The Concept of Mastery and Personal Growth46:59 The Role of Coaches and Mentors48:26 Ego and Mastery in Various Disciplines56:02 Final Reflections on Mastery and Ego

    Navigating Authenticity and Truth As A Leader

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2024 53:23 Transcription Available


    In this episode, Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I talked about the power of authentic leadership.How do we know what's authentic? We discussed psychological safety, the pitfalls of social media's lack of authenticity, and the importance of staying true to oneself. The conversation also tackles the role of universal truths, conflict resolution, and the 10th man concept in leadership and personal development.00:00 A Chance Encounter: A Story of Unexpected Connection02:01 Reflecting on Authenticity and Psychological Safety03:00 The Cost of Social Media and Authentic Interactions05:49 The Complexity of Authentic Leadership14:19 Universal Truths and Leadership Models23:49 The Importance of Honesty and Self-Awareness26:50 The Nature of Truth and Belief27:41 Religious Beliefs and Personal Values29:30 Self-Limiting Beliefs and Authenticity30:10 Understanding Assumptions and Wisdom32:02 Coaching and Leadership Challenges34:23 The Role of the 10th Man47:06 Conflict Resolution and Communication52:07 Dogma and Open-Mindedness

    What Is Leadership Beyond Theory?

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2024 59:00 Transcription Available


    What is Leadership beyond the theories?This episode explores the core principles of effective leadership, emphasizing humility and the importance of values. Through the lens of experiences in sports and business, the discussion covers situational leadership, the impact of values like honesty and integrity, and the power dynamics in relationships. The episode features anecdotes, such as Unai Emery's interaction with his set piece coach and the challenges faced by leaders in fast-growing companies. It advocates for a values-driven approach to leadership, recognizing the critical role of self-awareness, the need to yield when necessary, and the importance of relationships in maintaining influence and authority.00:00 Introduction to Leadership Philosophy00:16 Analyzing a Real-Life Leadership Example03:59 The Role of Humility in Leadership06:05 Challenges of Situational Leadership15:41 The Importance of Values and Moral Compass23:46 Building Trust Through Conflict29:57 The Concept of Leadership30:20 Defining Good Leadership32:06 Values and Principles in Leadership38:23 Leadership in Relationships49:42 Influence and Organizational Leadership

    The Secret to Finding Purpose in Your Work (Through VALUES)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 4, 2024 48:21 Transcription Available


    Do you feel your work brings you purpose?In all my work with individuals, I've seen three core needs. The first two dominate our early career.To belong and feel part of a tribe.To gain status and value within that tribe.We seek out the field we want to be in. And how we can fulfil our ambitions in that field. But often many then feel a sense that something is missing.A sense of purpose.This relates to the third need. The desire to want to be part of something meaningful. And this is what Simon Gallagher coaches Clients on.In today's podcast we talked about his journey from PHD Chemist to Beer Brewer to Purpose Coach.Links:Simon Gallagher's Linkedin00:00 Finding Your Purpose00:45 Understanding Core Values01:20 A Journey Through Education02:21 Discovering Coaching03:50 The Power of LinkedIn05:16 The Irish Influence13:32 Transition to Coaching19:25 The Coaching Landscape24:45 Values and Purpose: The Foundation of Coaching26:13 The Role of Humor in Personal Values27:27 Navigating LinkedIn with Authenticity and Humor30:59 The Importance of Visual Content on LinkedIn32:37 Mechanistic vs. Aspirational Values37:53 Coaching for Clarity and Performance44:00 The Challenge of Freedom and Self-Validation46:36 The Burden of Comparison and the Education System47:20 Final Thoughts and Future Conversations

    Fail Safe: Insights from Black Box Thinking By Matthew Syed

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 28, 2024 62:24 Transcription Available


    In this episode, we talk about the implications of Blackbox Thinking (by Matthew Syed) for organisations. We talk about how differing companies such as Kodak, Google, and Amazon either learned or ignored the lessons from failure. The conversation explored concepts such as antifragility, psychological safety, and growth mindset. By integrating ideas from various domains, this episode offers insights into fostering a resilient and thriving organizational culture.Links:Michael Ward: Saurabh Debnath: Rob McPhillips: 00:00 Introduction to Black Box and Rebel Ideas00:48 Critique of Matthew Syed's Approach01:31 Ben Hardy and Making Ideas Accessible03:09 Personal Reflections on Failure04:32 Learning from Success vs. Failure11:04 Marginal Gains vs. Kaizen16:35 Corporate Culture and Innovation26:36 Processes and Anti-Fragility30:10 Productivity and Training Methods30:36 David McClelland's Research on Professional Performance32:34 The 10,000 Hour Rule and Perfect Practice34:10 The Role of Psychological Safety in Organizations35:45 Religion, Closed Loop Systems, and Cognitive Distortions44:38 Blame, Emotions, and Learning from Mistakes50:06 System One vs. System Two Thinking58:46 Final Thoughts and Key Takeaways

    How a "CAN-DO" ATTITUDE Made Harit Successful

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 21, 2024 44:00 Transcription Available


    In this episode, dive into Harit Bhasin's journey of becoming a successful Tech Leader. Learn the importance of embracing conflict and building trust, as well as the value of a 'can-do' attitude, continuous self-learning, and personal branding. Discover how integrating diverse knowledge and fostering a growth mindset can lead to professional success. Gain insights on effective networking, mentorship, and balancing various perspectives within an organization. This episode highlights key leadership principles such as empathy, active listening, and resilience in both startups and large enterprises.Links:Harit Bhasin Rob McPhillips00:00 Understanding Conflict in Leadership02:25 Personal Leadership Journey05:46 Career Growth and Networking10:36 Entering the IT World12:12 Challenges and Resilience16:56 The Importance of Mentorship22:48 Beyond Expertise: Expanding Your Knowledge24:35 The Drive Behind Ambition25:13 The Importance of Continuous Learning28:51 Balancing Priorities and Consistency32:56 Empathy and Leadership34:26 Common Leadership Mistakes39:18 Mentoring and Coaching40:30 The CEO Mindset42:22 Final Thoughts and Advice

    How to Actually Create Change in Your Organization (and Stop the Resistance)

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 14, 2024 41:10 Transcription Available


    How do we lead conversations that engage people and create change?All change starts with a leader who can engage their team. True leaders open conversations that engage their teams. Leaders through their example create the organisational culture.They create the context and set the frame that work is done within.In today's podcast episode I spoke to Rachel Gooen about her work.Rachel coaches individual leaders in her Engaged Leader programme. She also facilitates conversations throughout organisations.

    The First Question Every Leader Must Answer

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 7, 2024 35:38 Transcription Available


    What's the first question for every leader to answer?This is the question Romana Prochazkova answered in today's podcast. She explained the answer that is key for every leader. Especially those early in their journeys.Watch to understand what makes the foundation of your leadership style.Until you have that foundation, you cannot be authentic. Integrity will be a struggle. And you will find it a challenge to connect with your team.A key part of authenticity is understanding and embracing your quirks.People will accept them. And you. But you have to accept yourself and embrace who you are first.

    The Five Pillars Of Peak Performance

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 30, 2024 36:18 Transcription Available


    How do we get to peak performance?In an ever more demanding world there are more and more demands on our time and energy. How do we ensure that we meet the demands of our work, home and family and yet maintain our health and wellbeing. Everything we do rests on foundational pillars. Performance too rests on certain foundations. Performance too rests on certain foundations. I talked to Abigail Ireland about her work and journey in getting people into Peak Performance. What are the habits that will really make a difference?She has a model of Five Pillars of Peak Performance which you can hear about in this episode.

    What's The Value You Bring?

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 23, 2024 83:12 Transcription Available


    Why should someone choose you?For the job. The project. Or the contract.We live in a world of overwhelming choice and yet each of us is trying to stand out and be valued.The social media world has created the personal brand which can seem contrived. At it's worst it's creating a false image to sell. But at it's best it's about clarifying what you do best, who for and the unique flavour you bring to your work. Clark, Tony and I discussed our experiences and understanding of explaining who we are and what we do.On the surface we each do something similar. But our personality and backgrounds mean our focus and style is different. Tony gets people ready to perform under high pressure. This comes from his background of operating at the highest level in football.Clark challenges so people not only make decisions in the right way, but they make the right decision. This comes from his background in manufacturing where decisions make the difference.I give people understanding about themselves and the context they are operating within. This comes from my therapy background in helping people make sense of their problems.Each of us is unique, but we have to identify the flavour we bring and who it brings most value to.That's the core of authentic branding for me. To do the work for others to understand what you do and who for. So they can say yes or no.

    Rebel Ideas By Matthew Syed Book Club Discussion

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 9, 2024 44:28 Transcription Available


    Why do groups of the smartest people make dumb decisions?The Bay of Pigs invasion. The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour. Blair and Bush's war on Iraq.Every day in smaller ways groups make terrible decisions because of groupthink.Yet the increasing complexity of the world shows that collective intelligence is key. Overwhelmingly, science, business and social breakthroughs happen through teams. Individual brilliance is no longer enough.Rebel Ideas by Matthew Syed shows how teams get it wrong. People not speaking up. The people who could see the flaws not being in the room. The unconscious biases that mean we don't know what we're missing.If you lead or are part of a team, it's a must read.Here's our Book Club discussion with:Eduardo Dos Santos SilvaNeil HamiltonMichael Ward

    Beliefs, Change and Empathy

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 2, 2024 59:23 Transcription Available


    Whenever we introduce change we meet resistance.Every change involves loss of some sort for someone. That person is likely to be the person who most resists the change. How well we address their concerns determines the smoothness of change.We can push past resistance, but when we don't address these concerns we suffer.Either we get silent conflict and disengagement. We get loss of trust or active sabotage against us. Or we get outright conflict.The success of any change over the long term comes from the ability to change old beliefs.When we leave someone behind. Knowingly or not. We have created a pothole that will eventually cost us.The key to bringing everyone along is empathy and curiosity.Finding out where people are. How they feel. And what is behind their resistance.Links:Clark Ray's Linkedin ProfileClark's WebsiteTony Walmsley's Linkedin ProfileTony's Website Rob McPhillips's Linkedin Profile Rob's Website

    Does It Make The Boat Go Faster?

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 19, 2024 55:38 Transcription Available


    Why do we do this?Whenever we join together, there's a sacrifice. We give up time, resources or autonomy. So why would we join?Humans have always joined together because some goals we can only achieve in numbers.Once that was to succeed in the hunt or to stay safe. Now it is to achieve increasingly complex goals. Or even to have a stable wage.We sacrifice something to get something greater together.At the core of what makes a group effective is clarity in that purpose. When we recognise the payoff, we accept the trade-offs. We accept what we have chosen to sacrifice for the greater purpose we are striving for.In this episode, Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I talked about purpose in groups and tried to relate it to why we gather to talk.As Tony says, every group needs a clarifying question that guides every decision.What's yours?

    Ego, Stress and Leadership

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 12, 2024 69:47 Transcription Available


    How do I get people to do what I want?Change is notoriously difficult. So is leadership. But why?Because often the change we seek to make isn't for the greater good.It's for what I want. For my personal agenda. And that's why we can't get people on board with it.Leadership isn't about how good you are.It's about how good you can make others. It's about how little of your own agenda is involved. The best leader needs little from the group.They don't need their ego stroked. The fantasy of a new leader is that now I'm driving the bus. I can put my ideas into practice. I can set the strategy and prove myself.When reality hits they find they are in the middle of everyone else's demands.They can only steer when they subdue their needs and give the group what is needed.In today's podcast Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I talked about ego, stress and leadership.

    Making Sense of The UK Riots: The Danger of Division

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 9, 2024 44:38 Transcription Available


    Everyone wants to feel good about themself.Our inner narrative is driven by this imperative. No-one wants to hate. We hate when we're empty. We need to find a scapegoat that explains why we're not doing as well as we wish we were.In the UK this week there have been shocking scenes of anti-immigration riots. On the surface it looks like racism. Actually there's a bigger problem.This is about hopelessness and groups of people being manipulated.Politicians and Social Media Influencers are creating a narrative that serves their agendas. There are sections of society that feel like failures. And they are being given a narrative that creates a scapegoat.This is nothing new.It's been the story of human civilisation for years. This issue is too big and complex for us to really do justice to. But it is a dynamic that threatens every team.Division.I got together Michael Ward, Clark Ray and Michele to try and make sense of the issues we've been seeing with the UK riots.

    Outliers: Identifying The Ingredients For Success

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2024 59:06 Transcription Available


    Why are some people so much better than everyone else in a given field?What makes a Usain Bolt or Steve Jobs so successful? Is it nature or nurture? Outliers by Malcom Gladwell seeks to answer these question.An Outlier is an anomoly. Most people think of the average as the mean. But most science (at least social science) tracks the mid point. Otherwise the data will be skewed by Outliers.That is, those that fall so far behind, or ahead that they skew the mean. Gladwell focused on those people who achieved outlandish success. Like Bill Gates, The Beatles and Robert Oppenheimer. To try to understand the ingredients of success.Our book club chose it as our first book to read and review. Here's my conversation with:Eduardo Dos Santos SilvaNeil HamiltonSaurabh Debnath

    Which Force Is Winning In Your Team?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 22, 2024 12:43 Transcription Available


    The world is changed by those who can inspire and unite.Whether it's Martin Luther King giving a dream for the civil rights movement. Nelson Mandela uniting South Africans as a new nation. Or a team unifying around a shared goal.We achieve by working together as one.While this is magical when it works, it more often than not doesn't work. It doesn't happen by chance. Because human forces are working to divide your team.It happens when we have a strategy to unify the team.So what's your strategy? Most people don't have a strategy. They think adults will naturally get along.In today's podcast I wanted to talk about the three types of people that make up teams. Why by default we end up with divisive forces. And how we can create the conditions so teams do unite.

    Is Change Art or Science?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 15, 2024 72:03 Transcription Available


    Business wants to be scientific.Managers want to see data, facts and evidence to base decisions on. The last thing anyone wants to do is to put the company at risk. No-one wants to be blamed for being reckless.So we buy based on logic.But when we sell logic to people they resist. We buy proven tech and initiatives, but employees don't use it. Because people have their own opinions, preferences and concerns.Every change is made with the promise of a better future.But it's only scientific if we precisely know the outcomes of every eventuality. Science isolates variables and seeks to make choice into maths. Art is based on a best guess that we can make something more appealing.Change in organisations is a guess that what we do makes a better future.Better is subjective. Who is it better for? And how can we know another choice wouldn't be better?We make business decisions never knowing if another is betterNever knowing how the variable of different people will respond. In the clip Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I talked about change. From a football manager's perspective. To the implications for business and politics.Links:Clark's Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/10thman/Clark's Website: https://www.clarkray.comTony Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/tony-walmsley/Tony's Website: https://theleadersadvisory.comRob's Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robmcphillips/Rob's Website: https://robmcphillips.com/

    The Power of Ideas

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 8, 2024 83:13 Transcription Available


    Every life has value and lessons.Hollywood and the mainstream media look for the blockbusters. But often the insights and lessons we need come from people like us. People living everyday lives who have seen something that we haven't.A book has a life's experiences encoded into a few hours read.Those few hours can let us vicariously experience a lifetime of insights. Someone who's worked 30 years in a narrow field can have the insights we need. Not Nobel Prize winning, but enough to solve the problems we face.Michael Ward is a man who has lived a full life.Business Owner. Management Consultant. Author.He's spent many years working in, and with, organisations. He's written popular books on Management and on his passion, Climbing. He's also ghostwritten a number of other booksNow he helps people share their ideas and lessons with the world.He works with them to structure and write books that make an impact. People who might not otherwise ever contribute their ideas. Whether through lack of time, writing skills or confidence.We had a wide ranging discussion covering Psychology, Politics, Economics and much more.Links:Michael Ward: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-ward-7a4671227/Should You Write A Book PDF: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Z1DwF-s-gqZSlXEBGOS4RvUEnlOg4ysg/view?usp=share_linkMichael's Website: https://michaelwardghostwriter.com

    The Danger of Groupthink

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 4, 2024 34:33 Transcription Available


    When we gather together, there's pressure to agree.Groups create norms. And belonging often means we have to conform. Challenging those norms threatens the group.And so it can put our belonging at risk.As a result there is a dynamic to agree. To choose people like us. To conform to the pack for safety and harmony.But we become blinded to danger.We make poor decisions that threaten the group's safety. We don't see what was obvious to others. It happens over and over again in all kinds of groups.The key is in having diversity of thinking.But this means we have to create the safety to challenge. And the ability to be challenged internally. All, so we can safely navigate the real external dangers.In this podcast episode Clark, Tony and I discussed diversity, conflict and groupthink.

    Being Ready To Take Your Shot

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 1, 2024 54:20 Transcription Available


    If you had one shot...One opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted...Would you capture it or let it slip?We never know when an opportunity will fall to us. And often they fall when we're not prepared. We kick ourselves for not having the presence to say what we later think of.That moment slips because we weren't ready.Mastery means training to be better when we need to be. It's mastering the extra 20% that most people won't put in the work for. It's preparing for any eventuality.All so when the moment drops into your lap you're ready.Jung coaches personal mastery so that when those moments arise, his Clients are ready. They take their shot. And don't regret fluffing their lines.In today's podcast Jung and I talked mastery and his journey.In this clip he tells about a pivotal moment in his career. In front of 2,000 people his CEO belittled and ridiculed him. He spoke about how he responded and how that helped him to grow.How would you respond in that moment?Links:Jung's Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jung-wing-wan/Website: https://jungpersonalmastery.com

    Developing Presence and Power At Work

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2024 43:43 Transcription Available


    Where does power come from?Does our authority come from our position? Or from our presence? Our belief will affect how we show up.People who see their power as their position will seek to build their status.People who see their presence as power, will seek to engage to develop their influence.We aren't always in control of, if and when, we get a position of power. But we are in control of developing our presence to influence others. We can develop our skills to communicate effectively.Pallavi Sidhra is a Coach helping women leaders to access the magic inside themselves.We discussed life, communication and relationships

    Smashing Middle Eastern Stereotypes With Corina Goetz

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 24, 2024 42:48 Transcription Available


    250 years ago the founding fathers drew up the U.S constitution.They had been able to learn lessons from older nations and avoid some of their mistakes. This disparate union of states grew to become the world superpower. Today, there is a new and ambitious union that is looking to launch itself as a global player.As a region it is having to unify many tribal interests in massive unified goals.I'm always interested in examples where groups unify behind a single goal. It is also a great source of opportunities, but it has a very different culture to the western world. The result is we have a lot of misconceptions about doing business in the Middle East.Corina Goetz is doing her best to smash those stereotypes.Corina grew up in Communist East Germany. She moved to London when she could. As a German (especially as an East German) she felt misunderstood and stereotyped.She saw the same misunderstandings in Westerners dealing with Middle Eastern Clients.Now she works to bridge these gaps. As a non-Arabic speaker. A German woman, she nonetheless works with Gulf Clients from Royalty to VIP.And now she helps others to avoid the mistakes that cost contracts.Her agency Star-Cat teaches people who want to do business in the Gulf region what they need to know. From finding opportunities to cultivating relationships. To making sure Clients are satisfied.

    Books That Change Lives

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 20, 2024 30:08 Transcription Available


    Do you like to read?I've always loved to read. It's the possibility of finding new ideas. Ideas are the building blocks I play with.When I read books I want new ideas.Ideas that change my thinking. Ideas reimagined. Or ideas refuted. I love to read, but now it's something I don't always find the time to do.When I realised some of my friends read a lot it gave me an idea. Let's start a regular book club slot on the podcast. We kicked off discussing books that had the most impact on us.Here's some of the ideas we discussed from books.On the panel were:Eduardo dos Santos SilvaNeil HarrisonSaurabh Debnath

    The Unified Team Philosophy

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 17, 2024 15:00 Transcription Available


    Most leadership is remedial.For me, a Leader has three key roles...1. To articulate the vision of what the collective is going to achieve. 2. Agreeing the strategic direction that everyone's going to follow. 3. Carrying the group along and ensuring the values of the beliefs of what it means to be part of the group are upheld. The problem is that much of management is about picking up the pieces. When communication has failed. When there's conflict. Or when people are struggling.We put an enormous amount of pressure on leaders to be superhuman.And then we're surprised when we see so much 'bad leadership'. The problem isn't the person. The problem is we set the bar too high.What if instead of asking one individual to lift the group, we raised the team?What if the team managed their own relationships. Kept communication flowing. And worked collectively.This is what I call a Leader Ready team.Ready to lead. Ready to be led. A team bonded in purpose.Today is a different podcast episode.I wanted to share the philosophy behind The Unified Team Podcast.

    Supporting Men Through Change

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 13, 2024 61:43 Transcription Available


    If you failed at your job more than 50% of the time would you still have a job?Imagine a Surgeon who failed half the time. Or a pilot. Or a production line.Now look at the divorce statistics.More than half of our most commited relationships, marriages, end in divorce. Ok divorce isn't necessarily failure. But we bond together to have something that lasts.And at work, we have the same problems where relationships struggle. This creates divisions, power struggles and personality problems.When failure is this widespread it's not down to an individual, but to the model we operate from.Divorces started to skyrocket about 60 years ago. As the world became more equal, some men are struggling to adapt to the changes. Those struggles affect women in their relationships and interactions with men.Last week, I discussed with Clark and Tony how we as men saw the challenges of being a man today.This week, I discussed with an all-female panel. We discussed how women can support men through a changing world. So we can all get to a world where each thrive.On the panel were:BrankaLisa CunninghamSarah

    Embracing The Dark Side Of You

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 10, 2024 52:31 Transcription Available


    What does it take to lead?To lead others we have to be able to tap into something in them. We have to have the empathy and sensitivity to see how what we do impacts them. We have to have the self awareness to adapt and adjust what we do, based on the feedback we get.Our ability to lead others comes from our awareness of who we are.There are lots of personality tests and tools to find strengths and values. But every strength also has a shadow. A context in which it becomes a limitation.If all we have is a basic set of tools, we will only succeed while the environment fits those tools.Mastery is being able to operate in any environment. That means deeply knowing our self. Even more than knowing who we are, is where that self is limiting.Many entrepreneurs build success through chaos, but destroy it when it needs order.None of us are perfect. We are all flawed. We just need to know and accept our own flaws.Clark Ray, Tony Walmsley and I discussed the importance of knowing yourself. And especially the quirks and flaws you don't want to admit.

    Inspire People To Aim Higher

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 6, 2024 67:24


    How do we inspire others to achieve great things?Saurabh Debnath was on course to achieve his lifelong goal of representing India at cricket. That is to be one of 11 in a country with a 1.4bn population. That is a 1 in 127 million chance.Yet Saurabh was on course to hit it.By 18 he'd played for three years in the Ranji trophy as a fast bowler. He'd been selected to represent the best team, Mumbai. But then disaster struck and he injured his wrist.He switched his focus to his studies and graduated with an MBA.His first job out of Uni had him managing a product with an 800 strong team. This is someone who sets big goals and goes after them full pelt. And now this is what he teaches others to do.His first book teaches how to use the 80/20 principle to make more impact with less effort.He consults with organisations to help them achieve audacious goals together. And he mentors individuals to stretch towards the great things they want to achieve.

    Building Strong Emotional Foundations

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 3, 2024 97:22 Transcription Available


    Do you remember the story of the three little pigs?They each built a house. But only one built one that was strong enough to withstand the big, bad wolf. That saved the day.When you build a house, you dig down to lay strong foundations.These are what give a house its strength. And so when gale force winds and even hurricanes come, the house can often sustain the force. The strength of a house lays in solid foundations.In people, the same is true.We have strength, skills and capacity. But they are dependent on the foundations of how we nourish and supply our energy. Our emotional wellbeing is our foundation.It is the strength we can draw from.Happy and healthy we can operate at full capacity. But when we drain energy without refilling it, we run out and burn out. Just as we need to eat, we need emotional nourishment too.Branka Pestar Hajšek grew up angry and experiences in her teens made her confront her emotions.Since then she's been on a journey to understand emotions and help people listen to them. She's found a richer, happier life through developing her emotional intelligence. And now she teaches others to do the same.We had a deep conversation about emotions.How we both perceive them. How we process them. And how they affect our relationships and work.

    The Problem With Men

    Play Episode Listen Later May 30, 2024 72:36 Transcription Available


    The problem with men is...As a relationship coach I heard the problems of trying to date and relate to men. Sit in a coffee shop or a bar and you'll often hear women talking about men and their shortcomings. The media tells us about toxic masculinity.What's clear is men are struggling.With relationships. Depression. And suicide.The world has changed and there's a section of men who aren't adapting with it.Some of them go online to make sense of their situations. Andrew Tate and co tell them they need to dominate their women. The Red Pill and Incel movements tell them they are victims of an unfair world.It's a problem that affects the individuals, their relationships, workplaces and society.In this episode we tried to unravel what is the real issues making men feel like this. What are the gaps that are leaving women feeling unfulfilled in their relationships. And how can we navigate through this time of change without leaving angry and broken men behind.Thanks to Clark Ray and Tony Walmsley for bringing some light to this critical issue.

    Bringing All of You To Your Role

    Play Episode Listen Later May 27, 2024 59:30 Transcription Available


    How do you answer what do you do?It's a question that many of us hate because we often don't have a concise answer. It might involve a label that limits us. And it doesn't cover the range of how we do, what we do and makes us special. At best, it's limiting and at worst it's confusing.Today is a special episode of The Unified Team Podcast.It's a milestone as it is the 100th episode and my guest is possibly the nicest man on Linkedin.Eduardo was one of my earliest connections on Linkedin. Yet, I never approached him because I didn't see a clear topic to discuss. He is one of those people who are hard to pigeonhole.

    How Do We Emotionally Connect Everyone To The Mission?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2024 78:38 Transcription Available


    I have a dream...With those four words Martin Luther King focused a movement on a dream they could all commit to. Campaigners could unite around the idea of all being equal. It was the core premise they all agreed and identified with.Whether our team is a sports team, social movement or corporate team we need a vision.It is the vision that frames every interaction. Every relationship. And it is what guides their decisions.Done right, it connects to something inside each team member feels and how they see themself.This link between the vision of the collective and the identity of the individual is the core thread. The strength of the team bond comes from this thread. In this episode...Thomas CourtsTony Walmsley...and I discussed vision and identity. With examples ranging from football tribalism to national patriotism. How do we engage and emotionally connect everyone to the mission?

    Engage, Empower and Educate Your Team

    Play Episode Listen Later May 20, 2024 47:43 Transcription Available


    Engage, empower and educate!That's Chris Cotter's strategy for getting teams to work together.Chris visited Japan as a Graduate and never returned. Working as a language teacher he ended up running a language school. Then he moved to a tech startup building a language learning app.This was where he developed his thinking about developing teams.Coming from the United States to Japan, from individualism to a collectivist culture. Chris believes if you engage, empower and educate your team they'll perform at their best. In this episode he shared his thoughts.Listen in to hear his story and philosophy of getting teams to perform.

    Supporting Your Team Through Change

    Play Episode Listen Later May 16, 2024 35:52 Transcription Available


    How can you support your team through change?Change is the norm now. Organisations are almost permanently making some change or another. It's an upheaval while still trying to keep business as normal.How can you get your team through the process?I asked two Change Management Experts for their tips.Listen in to today's Unified Team Podcast to see what Daniel Lock and Lisa Cunningham DeLauney had to say.

    Owning Your Journey with Annika Mohlin

    Play Episode Listen Later May 13, 2024 39:14 Transcription Available


    All of us have been sold a lie!Be a good boy or girl and do well at school. Put your head down at work. And then you'll get your reward and be happy.It isn't what happens.It's why we have mid-life crises. It's why people are turning their back on corporate life to brunch out for themselves. The default model doesn't work out.It was a lie to make you work for other people's goals.Annika Mohlin

    Managing The Tension Between Safety And Performance

    Play Episode Listen Later May 9, 2024 68:04 Transcription Available


    Life exists in tension.Everything we do, is done along a spectrum of tension.Conflicting goals create tension. Leadership is about managing those tensions.Managers want to create a psychologically safe environment.Yet, there is a natural tension with the fear of failure and not performing. When you give a speech, prepare a bid or create something it could fail. That fear is at the root of what drives us to perform.Some of the greatest sportsmen have spoken about the fears that drive them to success.Managers don't create this fear, but they have to manage the tension. At the end of the day we go to work to perform. And if we don't perform jobs are lost and companies fail.So Leaders can't remove the fear completely or they lose the tension to perform.You create the safest environment you can. You give people the confidence, competence and connection to take risks. But you cannot protect them from the reality of results.In the end, we have to perform and that determines our results and career success.And that is scary for all of us. But that's life. From the Savannah to the boardroom.Today's podcast episode talks about managing this tension to get your team to perform with...Clark RayThomas CourtsTony Walmsley - Performance Specialist

    Optimising The Health and Wellbeing Of Teams

    Play Episode Listen Later May 6, 2024 71:24 Transcription Available


    Before teams can perform people have to be capable of performing.Burning out staff through stress or overload of work means the team will crash. Each individual is also facing personal challenges. Now they might not be strictly work related, they impact their ability to focus and contribute.I gathered an expert on mindfulness and neuroscience, another on health and fitness and someone who'd burned out and recovered from addiction.We talked about the challenges team leaders face and how they can navigate through them.

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