Podcast appearances and mentions of julie hoverson

brothers million dollars big brother file six million dollar man julie hoverson

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 11, 2023 142:48

"Big Brother" Airdate: March 7, 1976 Written by Kenneth Johnson Directed by Cliff Bole Synopsis: Steve helps a street kid overcome his gambling addiction by becoming his Big Brother. John and Jerry are joined by voice actor Julie Hoverson as they discuss the music in the episode, the Big Brother program, and the third season over as it comes to a conclusion Bionic Operative Julie HOverson

[Old Time Radio Theatre] Lucille Fletcher's Sorry Wrong Number Starring Julie Hoverson

Sole Twin Audios Network

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 7, 2023 35:24

Sole Twin Audios presents a recreation of Suspense' "Sorry Wrong Number," an episode made famous by Agnes Moorehead who played the main role 7 times for Suspense. Directed and Produced by Rachel Pulliam - https://www.castingcall.club/soletwinaudios Cast: Announcer - Dean T. Moody - www.deantmoodyvoice.com Mrs. Stevenson - Julie Hoverson of @19NocturneBoulevard Operator - Christina Roberts - cnroberts.com Man - Robin Robins - https://www.castingcall.club/robinrvo George - Dean T. Moody - www.deantmoodyvoice.com Chief Operator - Karen Corrado - https://www.castingcall.club/karenm Sargent Martin - Jerry Kokich - http://jerrykokichvoiceactor.weebly.com/ Western Union - Michael Hornstein - https://www.castingcall.club/the-ultimate-voice-actor Information - Madeleine Hamley - https://www.castingcall.club/nossorgs Hotel Receptionist/Caller - Gina Moravec - https://www.castingcall.club/ginam Music by Ross Bernhardt - https://www.bernhardtmusic.com/ FX by freesound.org

theater directed fx starring suspense old time radio agnes moorehead sorry wrong number radio theatre lucille fletcher julie hoverson rachel pulliam

FILE 062: THE BIONIC WOMAN - "Claws"

file claws bionic woman julie hoverson

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 2, 2023 63:28

"Claws" Airdate: Febraury 25, 1976 Written by Sue Milburn Directed by Phil Bondelli Synopsis: Jaime must prove that a mountain lion on an animal reserve is not responsible for the deaths of nearby cattle. John and Liz are joined by voice actor Julie Hoverson as they discuss the better stunt animal, the sudden appearance of an uncle of Jaime's and Tippi Heddren. Bionic Operative Julie HOverson

The Temple, from a story by H.P. Lovecraft adapted by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 9, 2023 34:20

The crew of a U-Boat in the Great War find some danger runs very very deep CAST Cap. Karl Heinrich - Rick Lewis Lt. Keinze - J. Hoverson Crew: Shawn Connor & Bryan Hendricksen Music by: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Art - Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a U-boat of the Kaiserliche Marine - can't you tell?" ______________________________________________________________ THE TEMPLE Cast: Lieutenant Commander Karl HEINRICH, Graf von Altberg-Ehrenstein, Lieutenant-Commander in the Imperial German Navy, Prussian (mid 30s?) Lieutenant Jurgen KIENZE, second in command, "womanish Rhinelander" (30) Boatswain MULLER, elderly "superstitious Alsatian swine" SCHMIDT [mid 20s - goes mad] ZIMMER [mid 20s - leads delegation to get rid of idol] BOHIN [mid 20s - goes mad] RAABE [early 20s - engineer] SCHNEIDER [early 20s - engineer] OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a U-Boat of the Kaiserlich Marine, can't you tell? (That's World War I, for all you younger folks...) [My apologies for any mischaracterization of Germans - it's all from Lovecraft's original text. His complete lack of knowledge of U-Boats also - But I had to leave in the portholes to support the story. Any mistakes in military etiquette of the time are probably mine, though.] MUSIC SCENE 1. AMBIANCE U-BOAT ENGINE SEAMEN [murmuring voices] SOUND HATCH OPENS, CLANGING FOOTSTEPS KIENZE Achtung! Kapitanleutnant Heinrich on deck! SEAMEN [instantly silent] HEINRICH [commanding, slightly angry sounding] Ser gut! I have been reviewing the log regarding the sinking of the British freighter Victory, and I must say [getting ominous] that you are - most definitely - [spitting out the words] the single, absolute, most efficient U-boat crew in the Atlantic. [laughs] At ease, at ease. SEAMEN [Excited chatter] KIENZE I myself cannot wait to view the film we took. HEINRICH Ya, ya. [aside] The camera was off before we sank the lifeboats? KIENZE As always, Kaleu. SOUND HEARTY CLAP ON SHOULDER HEINRICH Most excellent. Come Kienze, I have a bottle of some fine Schnapps. You must help me celebrate. MUSIC in then under SCENE 2. HEINRICH [on a recording, tired sounding] On August 20, 1917, I, Karl Heinrich, Graf von Altberg-Ehrenstein, Lieutenant-Commander in the Imperial German Navy and in charge of the submarine U-29, deposit this bottle and record in the Atlantic Ocean at a point to me unknown but probably about North Latitude 20 degrees, West Longitude 35 degrees, where my ship lies disabled on the ocean floor. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 3. SFX SUBMARINE SURFACES SOUND HATCH OPENS AMBIANCE CALM SEA, OCCASIONAL BIRDS SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH [grunt - stretching noise] There is nothing like the first step out on deck after a victory, eh?. KIENZE A "Victory"? [chuckles] Ya. Very amusing. MULLER [off] Kaleu, sir! Come! SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH What could be so-- Oh! MULLER He must be from the Victory, sir! KIENZE Alive? HEINRICH Don't be foolish, Kienze, we were far too long submerged. He would have had a better chance if he let go and braved the waves. [shouting off] Remove the corpse! [NOTE - red text will come back at the end in echoes] ZIMMER Sir! His hands are in a death grip! HEINRICH Fingers break more easily than railings. ZIMMER [hesitantly] uh... Aye sir! SOUND POUNDING NOISES HEINRICH [sanctimonious] One more victim of the unjust war of aggression the English schweinhunds are waging upon the Reich. KIENZE Truly, he is our victim. Nothing more. HEINRICH You do not see the whole picture - [amused] Just like a soft-headed Rhinelander. If you were a solid Prussian like myself-- SEAMEN [OFF - NOISE OF AN ALTERCATION] HEINRICH Vas is los? Go and see. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL KIENZE What is this? What is this? Achtung! SOUND SCRAMBLE OF MEN GETTING TO THEIR FEET KIENZE What is so very exciting? ZIMMER Sir! Schmidt took something from the pocket of the ... [gulp] d-dead one. KIENZE Schmidt? Would you show this to me? SCHMIDT It is nothing, Leutnant. KIENZE I will judge that. Give it me. [beat] Well, this is... certainly something. I am confiscating it - now put that over the side. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH So? KIENZE A bauble. Ivory, I think - looks like a classical bust, ya? HEINRICH Not a senator, though - this one is much too young and handsome. KIENZE Possibly a kaiser? HEINRICH Or a god. KIENZE [reluctantly] It is yours, if you want it. It might be valuable-- HEINRICH No, no. I have not the sentimental-- MULLER [off, screams] SOUND FOOTSTEPS RUNNING ON METAL HEINRICH [puffing only slightly] What is it? SCHMIDT [shivering with fear] Muller, sir - it is Muller! KIENZE Muller's unconscious. HEINRICH Wake him. SOUND SLAPS MULLER [wails] SOUND ANOTHER SLAP MULLER [gasps, is silent] HEINRICH Get him up here. [command] Stations! SOUND RUNNING FEET CLANG AWAY KIENZE Are you going to talk sense now? MULLER [hollow] His eyes! His eyes! KIENZE Whose eyes? Speak sense! SOUND SLAP HEINRICH Enough! Muller. Tell me what is wrong. MULLER Ya, mein kapitan! [trying to calm down] The body - the eyes were closed. But when they rolled it over the side, they opened - and they were mocking us! HEINRICH [casual] Superstitious rubbish. Muller, you have seen corpses before now, and-- MULLER Sir! But that is not all! He-- [sullen, inward] You will not believe me! KIENZE You are under orders to speak. MULLER I-- watched as the body hit the water. I saw it sink beneath the waves, and-- HEINRICH And--? MULLER [almost a whisper] It drew its limbs in, and swam away. KIENZE You filthy lying--! [grunt as about to slap him again] HEINRICH Nein, Leutnant. [calming] Muller. You know this cannot be true, don't you? MULLER But I saw-- HEINRICH Water is deceptive. It is strange, ya, that the body simply sank - but that is probably due to its waterlogged condition after being held under on our railing for hours. Beyond that--? It is all a trick of the light. MULLER Truly? HEINRICH I will hear no more about it, ya? MÜLLER But you should keep no part of him on the ship - it is bad luck. The statue-- HEINRICH Is nothing. It is a trinket. You go about your duties now, Boatswain. SOUND RELUCTANT FOOTSTEPS AWAY HEINRICH Pfaugh. [muttered growl] Superstitious Alsatian swine! Why am I surrounded by inferior-- KIENZE Kaleu? Do you wish that I throw the bust overb-- HEINRICH Nonsense. We do not give in to fear. We are men of the twentieth century - and, more importantly, officers in the Kaiserliche Marine. KIENZE I could... tell them I threw it-- HEINRICH Do not show weakness. It makes you sound unreliable. MUSIC in and under SCENE 4. HEINRICH [canned] The next day a very troublesome situation was created by the indisposition of some of the crew. Evidently suffering from the nervous strain of our long voyage, they had had bad dreams. When weather turned choppy, we descended to a depth where the sea was comparatively calm, despite a somewhat puzzling southward current which we could not identify from our oceanographic charts. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 5. SOUND HATCH CLOSES SFX SUBMARINE SUBMERGES SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL RAABE Under-Engineer Raabe, here to make a report, sir! HEINRICH Where is Schneider? RAABE He is ... unwell, sir. HEINRICH What is wrong? RAABE He... did not sleep well, sir. HEINRICH What? KIENZE It is the same with many of the men, Kaleu. They are feverish and say they have had bad dreams. HEINRICH If they are shirking, I will-- RAABE Sir, no! Schmidt is burning up with fever, screaming all night in his berth. HEINRICH [sympathetic] Then you did not sleep well either, I expect? RAABE Nein, Kaleu. HEINRICH [very pleased] Yet you are here, like a good sailor. Good man-- MULLER [muttered off] It is the idol. It is accursed. HEINRICH What? Muller? MULLER [panicky] Nothing. I said nothing sir. KIENZE He said-- HEINRICH [grim] I heard what he said. Muller, I will have none of this wild peasant superstition on my ship! KIENZE [amused undertone] You forget, mein noble Kapitan, I am a commoner as well. HEINRICH [dismissively] Burgher stock. [teasing slightly] And they made you an officer - you must have some good qualities. MULLER What does it matter? We are all doomed! RAABE [dismissive] Doomed? Because some men are sick? HEINRICH Sehr gut. We must remain rational at times like these. Retain our iron German will. [sharp] Kienze? KIENZE [snapping to] Ya mein kapitanleutnant? HEINRICH Remove Boatswain Muller. KIENZE Ya, Kaleu. MUSIC in and under SCENE 6. HEINRICH [canned] The moans of the sick men were decidedly annoying; but since they did not appear to demoralize the rest of the crew, we did not resort to ... extreme measures. It was our plan to remain where we were and intercept the liner Dacia, mentioned in information from agents in New York. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 7. SOUND INSIDE THE BOAT. MANY FEET RUNNING ACROSS METAL, FEET STOP ABRUPTLY CROWD [muttering, backs up Zimmer throughout the scene.] HEINRICH Und vas is los? ZIMMER [clears throat] Kapitanleutnant, we must request - most strenuously - that you-- HEINRICH Is this about that knickknack? What sort of Gypsies are you, to believe such phantasms? ZIMMER But what could it hurt, sir? It is surely not so valuable that it is worth risking-- HEINRICH What? Risking what? The only thing we are risking here is our mission. BOHIN We will all die! ZIMMER Shh. [trying to sound reasonable] Morale, mein kapitan. It is such a small thing, yet would mean so much to the men. HEINRICH [low, despising] I see no men here. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 8. HEINRICH [canned] Everyone seemed inclined to be silent now, as though holding a secret fear. Many were ill, but none made a disturbance. Lieutenant Kienze chafed under the strain, and was annoyed by the merest trifle - such as the schools of dolphins which passed the U-29 in increasing numbers, and the growing intensity of that southward current which was not on our chart. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 9. SOUND HATCH CLANGS SHUT AMBIANCE UP TOPSIDE SCHMIDT That makes seven of us. We can surely-- ZIMMER Muller is still in irons. He can be no help. BOHIN Muller saw them! ZIMMER Shh. None of the crazy talk, Bohin. We cannot let ourselves-- BOHIN [too intense to be sane] I have not seen them, but they call to me! Their voices are like the waves - but waves that make words! SCHMIDT [sigh] So there are six of us. SOUND HATCH OPENS, A COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS RAABE What is going on here? SCHMIDT [snort] We are planning a party. What does it look like? RAABE What is happening that makes everyone so-- BOHIN There! In the WATER! They have come! RAABE --Crazy? SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, A STRUGGLE, A BODY SLAMMED AGAINST METAL. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 10. HEINRICH [canned] He was in a detestably childish state, and babbled of some illusion of dead bodies drifting past the portholes; bodies which he recognized, in spite of bloating, as having seen dying during some of our victorious German exploits. And he said that the young man we had found and tossed overboard was their leader. This was very gruesome and abnormal. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 11. RAABE Seaman Bohin tried to leap off the deck. We had to hold him down until the madness left him, sir. KIENZE All for such a small thing. SOUND SMALL IVORY STATUE SET ON TABLE RAABE That is what this is all about? KIENZE Just that. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, STATUE IS SNATCHED UP AND PUT AWAY IN A POCKET ZIMMER Sir! Leutnant Kienze? Bohin is gone! He is nowhere on the ship. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 12. HEINRICH [canned] It at length became apparent that we had missed the Dacia altogether. Such failures are not uncommon, and we were more pleased than disappointed, since our return to Wilhelmshaven was now in order. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 13. SOUND MEASURED FOOTSTEPS AMB INSIDE SEAMEN [Muffled, CHEERS!!!] HEINRICH [sigh] This soft-headedness is not good. Morale is the result of willpower, not coddling. KIENZE Still, I too will be glad when this trip is over. That southern current we have blundered into bothers me. HEINRICH It explains how we missed our target. Not every inch of the ocean is charted properly. KIENZE But it is so strong - to be overlooked. RAABE [clears his throat] Sir? HEINRICH Schneider still not feeling well? RAABE He prefers to remain in the engine room, sir. He does not like ... being near portholes. KIENZE Portholes? RAABE His dreams haunt him. [hurriedly] But he is not impaired in his job. HEINRICH [teasing] Well, certainly you did not come all this way to tell us Senior Engineer Schneider does not like portholes. Out with it! RAABE Something fantastic has happened. The boat - it is surrounded by -- dolphins. HEINRICH Dolphins? How many? SOUND KIENZE'S FOOTSTEPS GO AWAY KIENZE [off] Ya, come and look! They are everywhere! HEINRICH Finally something the superstitious can interpret as a good sign, ya? KIENZE [jubilant] Just as we decide to return to Schlicktown! This should truly mollify them. HEINRICH [dry] How fortunate. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 14. HEINRICH [canned] At noon June 28 we turned northeastward, and despite some rather comical entanglements with the unusual masses of dolphins, were soon under way. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 15. SOUND SNORING [HEINRICH] SFX EXPLOSION HEINRICH [wakes up] What? What? SOUND MANY RUNNING FEET, SOME BARE, ONE PAIR OF BOOTS STOMPS THROUGH CALMLY HEINRICH Report. Someone report! SCHMIDT This is your fault, you swine! You made us‑‑ SOUND SLAP, BODY HITS METAL WALL HEINRICH SHUT UP. Is there anyone who can talk sense? KIENZE [breathless, and coughing] They have the fire out. The explosion was in the engine room. HEINRICH What caused it? KIENZE They have found no cause as yet. The damage is extensive. All systems have not yet been tested, but it is certain we have no steering. HEINRICH No--? What about the air compressors? KIENZE They appear undamaged. But, mein freund-- HEINRICH Ya? What is it? KIENZE Schneider and - and Raabe - they were killed instantly. HEINRICH [long indrawn breath, then cold as he can be] That is most unfortunate. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 16. HEINRICH [canned] Our situation had suddenly become grave indeed; for though the chemical air regenerators were intact, and we could use the devices for raising and submerging the ship and opening the hatches as long as compressed air and storage batteries might hold out, we were powerless to propel or guide the submarine. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 17. SOUND SNORING [KIENZE] SOUND CURTAIN OPENS VERY STEALTHILY, HUSHED FOOTSTEPS, RUSTLING KIENZE [snoring stops] SCHMIDT [gasp] SOUND SCUFFLE SOUND COCK OF GUN KIENZE What is it you think you are doing? SCHMIDT [nutso] He demands it! He will not let me sleep until it is returned to him! HEINRICH [off] Was iss? KIENZE A mutiny, kaleu. MUSIC VERY BRIEF HEINRICH [muttered] Can we do without Schmidt, short as we are of hands? KIENZE Hah! With no engines to maintain, I must always find make-work for the men. They will go mad [bad choice of words] -- they are restless if left sitting on their hands. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 18. HEINRICH [canned] German lives are precious, but the constant raving of Schmidt concerning a terrible curse was most subversive of discipline, so drastic steps were taken. The crew accepted the event in a sullen fashion. MUSIC FADED OUT SCENE 19. AMBIANCE INSIDE SOUND HATCH OPENS ZIMMER [jubilant, yelling down from above] A ship! We are delivered! HEINRICH [composed] Excellent. You see, Kienze? It is never so dark that there is no light. Come along. SOUND STEPS CLIMBING LADDER, THEN OUT ON DECK KIENZE Give me the glasses. ZIMMER But it is a ship, leutnant, isn't that enough? KIENZE [suspicious] Glasses, now! SOUND A BEAT, THEN HEAVY ITEM PUT IN GLOVED HAND. HEINRICH Vas ist? KIENZE [disappointed and disgusted] Yankees. ZIMMER But surely surrender is better than death-- HEINRICH [cold] Zimmer? ZIMMER [braced for the worst] Ya, kapitanleutnant? HEINRICH [colder] Prepare for a dive. SOUND GOING DOWN LADDER. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 20. HEINRICH [canned] We did not descend far. After several hours, we decided to return to the surface, however, the ship failed to respond to our direction in spite of all that the mechanics could do. Some of the men began to mutter again, but the sight of an automatic pistol calmed them. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 21. KIENZE Kaleu, the men are very restless. They fear the worst, being trapped and drifting. They blame us for making a bad decision. HEINRICH [offhand] It was the only decision to make. None but a weakling would surrender to the Yankees. KIENZE Any man may turn weak in such conditions-- HEINRICH [self-satisfied] No Prussian. And if I must be the backbone so my crew can stand straight as men, so be it. KIENZE The men are restless. Angry. HEINRICH [dangerous] If they will not stand, then I will put them down and stamp their bodies into pulp fit only to paint the walls. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 22. HEINRICH [canned] It was about 5 A.M., that the general mutiny broke loose. The six remaining pigs of seamen, suspecting that we were lost, suddenly burst into a mad fury, roared like the animals they were, and broke instruments and furniture indiscriminately. Leutnant Kienze seemed paralyzed and inefficient, as one might expect of a soft, womanish Rhinelander. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 23. SOUND FADING IN, SIX GUNSHOTS, ECHO FADES AWAY HEINRICH [breathing hard] KIENZE [gasping, almost hysterical] HEINRICH [deep breath] Get up. KIENZE [gasps] Did you--? Was that ... necessary? HEINRICH [scornful laugh] You saw them. Now, stand. We need to clean house. KIENZE What do you plan to do? HEINRICH What else? Put them out. We can't keep them here to stink up the place. SOUND SCUFFLING, THEN SHUFFLING FEET KIENZE We can use the top hatch-- HEINRICH Ya, ya. [going off] Make sure they are all dead, will you? KIENZE [calling] Where are--? This will be easier with two. HEINRICH [turning back, briefly] So would killing them, but I had to handle that. This is your part. [leaving again] Let me know when you need help getting them up into the hatch. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 24. HEINRICH [canned] Our compasses, depth gauges, and other delicate instruments were ruined by the rampage of those swine; henceforth our only reckoning would be guesswork, based on our watches, the calendar, and our apparent rate of drift. MUSIC FADED OUT SCENE 25. SOUND FEET COMING IN [KEINZE] HEINRICH Look at this. KIENZE [coming in] Ya? Oh, ya, more dolphins. Very exciting. HEINRICH No, no - this one here. See the one with the scar? KIENZE Ya. HEINRICH How deep are we, did we determine? KIENZE Too deep for dolphins, certainly, but-- HEINRICH I have been watching this one in the searchlight for two hours now - and he has not left our side. Delphinus delphis is a cetacean mammal, unable to subsist without air. KIENZE Perhaps they are magic dolphins. [trying to chuckle] I'm not interested in them until we run out of other rations. HEINRICH It is a very important discovery. Perhaps a new sub-species. KIENZE [sigh] I'm sure the dolphins will be fascinated when you present your paper to them. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 26. HEINRICH [canned] With the passage of time Kienze and I decided that we were still drifting south, meanwhile sinking deeper and deeper. I could not help observing, however, the inferior scientific knowledge of my companion. His mind was not Prussian, but given to imaginings with no value. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 27. SOUND SEARCHLIGHT COMES ON KIENZE Fabulous, isn't it? HEINRICH Sunken ships? Interesting, yes, but fabulous? What else are you likely to find on the ocean floor? KIENZE No, no - look there. To the right. You see? That peak. It is -- HEINRICH A rock. KIENZE No! It is too regular for a rock. You will see when we get closer. HEINRICH Wake me when you can see it, then. I think I will have some sleep. KIENZE You don't care? HEINRICH Ya, ya. Do you need me to remain? SOUND SITS IN CHAIR KIENZE [beat] We have lost our escort. SOUND LEAFING THROUGH A BOOK HEINRICH Vas? KIENZE Your beloved dolphins. They have finally abandoned us. HEINRICH I am more surprised they remained with us so long. KIENZE [beat] What are we to do? HEINRICH Do? About the dolphins? I am sure they can take care of themselves. KIENZE You know what I mean! What are we to do when we run out of... of... everything HEINRICH That is days, perhaps weeks away. Why waste angst? KIENZE But - there is no hope. We will ... we must die. HEINRICH Everyone must die. KEINZE We could try and get to the surface - one of us - in the diving suit. HEINRICH And how deep did we decide we were? KEINZE [beat, sigh] very deep. HEINRICH If you want to take the suit, and try to get it to the surface, you are welcome. But you know what will happen. KEINZE It is possible to survive caissons disease. ["the bends"] Even drastic decompression-- HEINRICH As a cripple? With joints that never work without pain? With skin so damaged no one can look you in the face? Perhaps paralyzed, even? Incontinent? KEINZE [sigh] HEINRICH Better to die as a man than live as a beast. Of course you might be lucky and have an embolism on the way up, and then ride the waves as a corpse. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 28. HEINRICH [canned] His mind was tired, but I am always a German, and was quick to notice that the U-29 was standing the deep-sea pressure splendidly. Our southward speed, as gauged by the ocean floor, was about as I had estimated from the organisms passed at higher levels. MUSIC FADE AND OUT SCENE 29. SOUND BOTTLE POURS KIENZE [slightly drunk] Ya, plenty of air and food, but this [long gulping swig] won't last forever. HEINRICH Not at the rate you are abusing it. KIENZE I cannot lose myself in study as you do. What is the point? So you know so much more before you die. HEINRICH It is not impossible we will encounter another u-boat. KIENZE Wake up Karl! This boat - it is our tomb. We are dead men. All we have left to do is lie down. HEINRICH Go to bed, Leutnant. There is no point in talking when you are totalblau. KIENZE [laughs bitterly] You are going to give me orders yet? What if I disobey? You clap me in irons? You will shoot me? HEINRICH [close and dangerous] I will remind you that you are a man, a trained soldier, and an officer of the kaiser's navy, and as such you should have the will to face death. KIENZE I am a soldier, ya. I can face death in battle. It is this lingering, drifting fate that horrifies me. It is like having a fatal disease - you know you must die, but you cannot know when. HEINRICH Very well, then. SOUND GUN OUT OF HOLSTER, CLICK AS BULLETS ARE CHECKED, GUN DROPPED ON TABLE HEINRICH More air for me. SOUND RATTLE OF CURTAIN, FOOTSTEPS LEAVE, RATTLE OF GUN ON TABLE MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 30. HEINRICH [canned] The fact of our coming death affected Kienze curiously. I was very sorry for him, for I dislike to see a German suffer; but he was not a good man to die with. For myself I was proud, knowing how the Fatherland would revere my memory. MUSIC FADES OUT SCENE 31. SOUND SNORING [KIENZE] KIENZE [waking with a horrified start, screaming] He is calling! He is calling! I hear him! SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR HEINRICH [coming on] What is wrong? KIENZE We must go! He will not call forever! SOUND SLAP KIENZE [gasps, breathing hard, almost sobbing] HEINRICH [commanding] Calm down. Remember yourself, man. KIENZE V-v-vas? Kaleu? HEINRICH There you are. [disdainful] You were having a nightmare. Now you are better. SOUND FOOTSTEPS BEGIN TO WALK AWAY KIENZE No. SOUND FOOTSTEPS STOP HEINRICH [sigh] Vas? KIENZE It was not a dream. It was a voice. I still hear it, you see! I still hear him. He calls to me - to us. I don't know why you cannot hear him! HEINRICH You are still drunk. Or deluded. KIENZE I am not. Truly. If you do not believe me, look out the porthole, and you will see his face. It is right in front of us. HEINRICH What? Show me. Ah - blackness. Precisely what is between your ears. KIENZE The searchlight - kommen-zie! SOUND FOOTSTEPS, SEARCHLIGHT COMES ON KIENZE There! There! HEINRICH Mein gott! MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 32. HEINRICH [canned] I am not given to emotion of any kind, but my amazement was very great when I saw what lay revealed in that electrical glow. And yet as one reared in the best Kultur of Prussia, I should not have been amazed, for geology and tradition alike tell us of great transpositions in oceanic and continental areas. What I saw was an extended and elaborate array of ruined edifices; all in various stages of preservation. MUSIC OUT SCENE 33. HEINRICH [pleased] Atlantis! And we, Germans, have discovered it! This is stupendous. KIENZE He is out there. His temple lies still before us, and he watches us from afar. HEINRICH You saw this in your dreams? KIENZE [disturbingly reasonable] He told me. We should go. HEINRICH Go? Where? KIENZE To him. Come now - do not wait until later; it is better to repent and be forgiven than to defy and be condemned. HEINRICH You think we should go outside? We have only one diving apparatus. KIENZE [laughs disturbingly] A suit? We need no suits - he will gather us to him. HEINRICH You have finally crossed into madness. I will find you some medication. KIENZE You cannot cure this with your science, Karl. You are so sensible, and what does it get you? Nothing. Nothing! Come now, or there will be nothing left for you! HEINRICH You are mad. KIENZE [losing it] If I am mad, it is a blessing. May the gods pity the man who in his callousness can remain sane to the hideous end! Come and be mad whilst he still calls with mercy! MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 34. HEINRICH [canned] As he spoke he took his ivory image from the table, pocketed it, and seized my arm in an effort to drag me up the companionway to the deck. When that did not work, he fled. In a moment I heard the grind of the first hatch, and understood that he meant to open them both, exposing the U-29 to the water outside, a vagary of suicidal and homicidal mania for which I was scarcely prepared. MUSIC OUT SCENE 35. SOUND THE HATCH WHEEL SPINS SOUND GUN COCKS HEINRICH One more move and I shoot. KIENZE [laughs hysterically] Shoot? I have nothing to fear. He will welcome me. HEINRICH Did I say I would kill you? I will shoot you in the leg, and clap you in irons. KIENZE You ... would do that!? HEINRICH Ya. [jaunty] But, I am not one to hold a man back. If you wish to go, go. I will even run the hatches for you. KIENZE You... why? HEINRICH Further, I will watch and make sure he finds you, once you are adrift. KIENZE [plaintive] But you will not come with me? HEINRICH Nein. I have things yet to accomplish. KIENZE Very well. But he will not be pleased with you if you ignore his summons. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 36. HEINRICH [canned] After I saw that Kienze was no longer in the boat I threw the searchlight around the water. I wished to ascertain whether the water-pressure would flatten him as it theoretically should, or whether the body would be unaffected, like those extraordinary dolphins. I did not, however, succeed in finding my late companion, for, owing to the abruptness of the change of angle, a wire was disconnected, which necessitated a delay of many minutes for repairs. MUSIC OUT SCENE 37. SOUND SEARCHLIGHT OUT [NOTE: "HIS ECHO" REFERS TO HEINRICH'S OWN WORDS FROM EARLIER IN THE SHOW - COMING BACK TO HAUNT HIM. THEY WILL BE PUT IN IN POST, AND HEINRICH SHOULD NOT REALLY PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THEM AS HE SPEAKS, AS THEY AREN'T ACTUALLY CONVERSING.] HEINRICH [slow sigh] HIS ECHO [very quiet] He would have had a better chance if he let go and braved the waves. HEINRICH Alone. To survive until I die. [deep breath] Very well. SOUND FOOTSTEPS HIS ECHO [very quiet] One more victim of the unjust war of aggression... SOUND PULL OUT BOOK, OPEN AND PAGE THROUGH. SCENE 38. MUSIC IN HEINRICH [canned] I must be careful how I record my awakening today, for I am unstrung, and much hallucination is necessarily mixed with fact. Psychologically my case is most interesting, and I regret that it cannot be observed scientifically by a competent German authority. HIS ECHO If you were a solid Prussian like myself-- HEINRICH Upon opening my eyes my first sensation was an overmastering desire to visit the rock temple that stood before the now-stationary U29. HIS ECHO No, no. I have not the sentimental-- HEINRICH a desire which grew every instant, yet which I automatically sought to resist. MUSIC OUT SCENE 39. SOUND VAGUE CHANTING, DEEP UNDER. HEINRICH [Waking suddenly] Heh? What is this? SOUND SCRABBLE OUT OF BED, CROSS ROOM HEINRICH Light? Where is this coming from? [wild hope] Could it be? SOUND RUN THROUGH SHIP HEINRICH Where? Another ship? [muttered] Port side, port side. Aha! [sound of triumph turns into sound of dismay] HIS ECHO Superstitious rubbish. HEINRICH It is alight! MUSIC UP SCENE 40. HEINRICH It is well that the reader accept nothing which follows as objective truth, for the events are necessarily the subjective and unreal creations of my overtaxed mind. HIS ECHO It is all a trick of the light. HEINRICH When I attained the conning tower I found the sea in general far less luminous than I had expected. But the door and windows of the undersea temple hewn from the rocky hill were vividly aglow with a flickering radiance, as from a mighty altar-flame far within. HIS ECHO I will have none of this wild peasant superstition on my ship! HEINRICH The light showed that the friezes which covered the front of the temple, clearly carved from the solid rock of the cliffside, depicted many repetitions of but one face - the same face as the ivory bust which Kienze had carried back to the sea with him. HIS ECHO --this one is much too young and handsome. HEINRICH The rest is very simple. HIS ECHO --a god. HEINRICH My impulse to visit and enter the temple has now become an inexplicable and imperious command which ultimately cannot be denied. HIS ECHO This soft-headedness is not good. HEINRICH My own German will no longer controls my acts, and volition is henceforward possible only in minor matters. HIS ECHO Do not show weakness. It makes you sound unreliable. HEINRICH When first I saw that I must go, HIS ECHO That is most unfortunate. HEINRICH I prepared my diving suit, helmet, and air regenerator for instant donning, HIS ECHO --have an embolism on the way up, and ride the waves as a corpse. HEINRICH and immediately commenced to write this hurried chronicle in the hope that it may some day reach the world. HIS ECHO This is your part. HEINRICH I shall seal the manuscript in a bottle and entrust it to the sea as I leave the U-29 forever. HIS ECHO Better to die as a man than live as a beast. HEINRICH I have no fear, not even from the prophecies of the madman Kienze. HIS ECHO None but a weakling would surrender HEINRICH What I have seen cannot be true, and I know that this madness of my own, will at most lead only to suffocation when my air is gone. HIS ECHO you should have the will to face death. HEINRICH The light in the temple is a sheer delusion, and I shall die calmly like a German, in the black and forgotten depths. HIS ECHO Why waste angst? HEINRICH This demoniac laughter which I hear as I write comes only from my own weakening brain. HIS ECHO blackness. Precisely what is between your ears. HEINRICH So I will carefully don my suit and walk boldly up the steps into the primal shrine, that silent secret of unfathomed waters and uncounted years. HIS ECHO If you wish to go, go. END

Sword Kvetch by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 2, 2023 34:03

When Cael Carzfinker, blade maiden of the ninth rank (etc., etc.) comes to the castle of Evil Wizard Mazurin to rescue a captive prince, the outcome is.... magical. Cast List Cael - Julie Hoverson Amalan - Krystal Baker Mazurin - Gareth Bowley Gigli - Reynaud LeBoeuf Prince Tupin - Abner Senires Music: Celestial Aeon Project and Matti Paalanen Editing / Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why, it's a road through a dark and spooky forest, leading up to an evil wizard's castle" ________________________________________________ SWORD KVETCH Cast: Mazurin, Evil Wizard Cael, Amazon Warrior Tupin, Captive Prince Gigli, Goblin Amalan, Magic Sword OLIVIA What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's the dark woods outside an evil castle, can't you tell? MUSIC AMB SPOOKY NIGHT WOODS SOUND WOLF HOWL IN THE DISTANCE SOUND HOOVES ON DIRT UNDER CAEL [sigh] Typical. AMALAN What? CAEL I could write a ballad already. AMALAN Oh, no. No, no, no - that's not your job. CAEL Shh. I'm composing. [muttering to self] AMALAN [whispered] [sigh] Typical. CAEL Evil castle looms ahead.... Hmm... Nighttime, need to rest my head-- AMALAN You can't rhyme head with ahead. CAEL It rhymes, doesn't it? AMALAN [exasperated sigh] CAEL [vague threat] I'm getting another sword. AMALAN You always say that, but you know you couldn't do without me. CAEL [exasperated sigh] AMALAN And who could you ever pass me off to? CAEL Someone deaf. MUSIC AMD ECHOEY CASTLE SOUND SLAPPY FOOTSTEPS RUN IN GIGLI [coming on] Master! Master! MAZURIN [distracted] Mm? GIGLI Master! MAZURIN Shh-shh-shh. [excited] Do you see what I have here, my smelly little homunculi? GIGLI But master--! MAZURIN [tsks] I've turned this drop of water into an equal measure of dust. GIGLI [flat] Why? MAZURIN It's a vital transmutation. A change like this could make a great deal of difference! GIGLI To a thirsty cockroach? MAZURIN No no, you have to see how, yes, on a tiny scale, this could be a negligible change-- GIGLI [sigh] Sir? MAZURIN --But if you do this a million times at once, with a million drops of water, you could cause an entire lake to suddenly turn to dust, ruining agriculture. And then, with a simple reverse, water from dust! GIGLI Good. Lovely. Can I report now? It's kind of urgent. SOUND FIDDLING ABOUT WITH BOTTLES, ETC. MAZURIN [still distracted] Uh - what? Yes, of course, go ahead. GIGLI Are you listening? SOUND BOTTLE SET DOWN MAZURIN [distant] Of course. GIGLI [exasperated] Oh! SOUND BOTTLE SMASHES ON FLOOR MAZURIN What? Why did you--? GIGLI Listening now? MAZURIN [annoyed] Yes, get on with it! GIGLI Someone is approaching the castle! MAZURIN [losing interest] Oh, well - set up the defenses. GIGLI It's an Amazon! MAZURIN [mildly interested] Oh, that's different. [shrug] Still, the defenses... GIGLI The moat monster is in labor. MAZURIN I thought it laid eggs. GIGLI Well, not after you did one of your little experiments on it. And it's not best pleased about it. MAZURIN Oh. GIGLI And the man-eating vines--? MAZURIN What? I didn't do-- They're not giving birth, are they? GIGLI Think it through? MAZURIN What? GIGLI Man-eating vines? Amazon warrior? MAZURIN [realizing slowly] Oh? Oh! GIGLI [sigh] MUSIC SOUND HOOFBEATS ON WOOD AMALAN Cael, I don't like this. CAEL You mean the way nothing at all tried to stop us from strolling right up to the front door of the evil wizard's castle? AMALAN [sarcastic] No, I meant the two-headed gargoyles - they're so passe'. Of course that's what I mean! There must be a trap-- CAEL I'll keep my eyes peeled. AMALAN Me too. CAEL You haven't any eyes. AMALAN Don't nitpick. SOUND HOOFBEATS STOP SOUND TAPPING OF FINGERS ON THE POMMEL CAEL [musing] No reception committee. No moat monster.... The gargoyles? AMALAN They're tacky as hell, but I don't sense any magic there. CAEL Well, then. SOUND DISMOUNT, HORSE NICKERS SOUND POUNDING ON HUGE WOODEN DOOR AMALAN Subtlety. I like it. CAEL It's what I do. MUSIC SOUND DISTANT BANGING ON DOOR GIGLI [calling from off] Master! MAZURIN Stop banging, Gigli. SOUND SLAPPY FOOTSTEPS APPROACH GIGLI [a little closer] They're at the door! MAZURIN Tell them we don't want any. GIGLI [almost here] The Amazon? MAZURIN Oh, yes. She got through the defenses--? Oh, yes of course. GIGLI What are you going to do? MAZURIN Oh, the usual. GIGLI [sigh, down] Send me to find out what she wants? MAZURIN Good idea. Let me know what she says. MUSIC SOUND POUNDING ON DOOR AMALAN If it's abandoned, that would explain the lack of defenses. CAEL The high council doesn't send a questor to an empty castle. AMALAN They might not know. CAEL Yes. [sarcastic] Why don't you just go and point that out-- GIGLI [yelling from off, above] Hail, warrior! CAEL Hmm. Manners. [up] Who hails me? GIGLI I represent Mazurin, wizard of the crooked path, mage of the 8th tier, sorcerer-- AMALAN [muttered] Yeah, but can he dance? CAEL [side of mouth] Shh. [up] I have come to face your wizard. Open the gate. GIGLI What is your charge? Mazurin is an exceedingly busy mage. AMALAN Crooking tiers? CAEL [tiny sigh] I am Cael Carzfinker, Blade maiden of the 9th rank, slayer of 3 gorgons, and participant in the slaughter of the great red armadillo of Murcie-- AMALAN With a minor in [shudder] songwriting... CAEL --and I am charged by the high council of her most royal majesty Luria the balladeer-- AMALAN [muttered] Ballbuster. CAEL [trying not to react] --to find and recover the missing Prince Tupin of Vagon, with an eye toward marriage. GIGLI And my boss is supposed to care - why? CAEL The scryes say the prince is here - a captive in durance vile under the thumb of this "boss" of yours. AMALAN Excessive. CAEL And thus have I come to reclaim him. GIGLI Oh! Right. Hold on, I'll tell the wizard. CAEL Where'd he go? AMALAN Ducked behind one of those excrescences. CAEL I didn't see any of those. AMALAN [exasperated] The gargoyles. CAEL So we wait for the wizard to speak. SOUND DRUMMING OF FINGERS AMALAN Oh, you're not-- CAEL "Green and crooked, small and beady"... [searching for a rhyme] beady? Beeeee-dy. AMALAN Eyes are beady. He was more... seedy. CAEL Ah! "--Small and seedy, his locks were lank and eyes were beady". AMALAN [sigh] MUSIC SOUND SCRITCHING OF A PEN SOUND SLAPPING FEET RUN UP GIGLI [slightly puffed, laughing his ass off] Sire! She's here for him! SOUND DOINK AS OF FINGER SNAPPED AGAINST SOMETHING GLASS MAZURIN Him? Oh, well. That's simple then - I'll just un-glaze him, and-- GIGLI You can't just hand him over! MAZURIN Why not? Then she'll go away. Problem solved. GIGLI [exasperated sigh] Tradition? Ring a bell? MAZURIN Tradition? Oh, you're not going to say I have to fight to the death over a trifle like-- GIGLI No! But you're supposed to make her do tasks to earn him, so she'll spread word of your cunning and deviousness. [muttered] And so she'll keep him once she gets him. MAZURIN Oh. I'm far too busy to come up with some silly tasks. What does tradition say? GIGLI I'll make you up some note cards. Want me to let her in? MAZURIN An... Amazon? Don't they sleep in barns or something? GIGLI I certainly wouldn't want to be the one to suggest it to her. I'll find her and tell her you will speak to her at dinner. MAZURIN I will? GIGLI Tradition. MAZURIN [pouting] Fine. Tell her, then come back and find me some [vague] ... robes. MUSIC GIGLI [off] ...This way, and the wizard will be with you shortly. SOUND BOOTED FEET ENTER ECHOEY HALL AMALAN Roomy. CAEL Kind of dusty, isn't it? AMALAN Hard to keep help in an evil castle. CAEL [agreeing] Hmm. SOUND POOF! MAZURIN [booming voice] Dusty? Humph! SOUND POOF! SOUND WATER DRIPPING ALL OVER. AMALAN [doubtful] Impressive? MAZURIN [muttered] Oh, drat. CAEL [wiping her face] Well, that's new. SOUND SPLAT OF WATER SHAKEN OFF MAZURIN [trying to save face "I meant to do that"] It's... something I've been working on. AMALAN You could use it, back home. CAEL Shh. AMALAN You could finally get your quarters clean. CAEL Shh! MAZURIN What? CAEL Nothing. [declaring] Mighty Wizard, I have come to recover the most noble prince Tupin and bring him home to wed. This is my quest. [snarls] Do not stand in my way. MAZURIN Oh, of course not. AMALAN What? GIGLI [hissed] Master! MAZURIN Huh? Oh right - as long as-- um, you-- GIGLI [whispered prompting] Can overcome my challenges three. MAZURIN --Can overcome three challenges. GIGLI [muttered] Close enough. CAEL Of course. Name your challenges. MAZURIN [taken completely aback] Oh! Well-- GIGLI [whispered] You forgot the cards? [stepping forward] My great master will issue you each challenge at the break of dawn on three successive days. Then you will have until sunset on the same day to complete each one. CAEL Morning? Why not start now? AMALAN Tradition. GIGLI Tradition, milady. CAEL Fine. What now? GIGLI Dinner? CAEL Hmm. How about showing me the prince, so I know I'm not wasting my time? MUSIC SOUND RINGING OF CRYSTAL AMALAN Well, it's a guy. CAEL He's... glass? MAZURIN Much less irritating that way. GIGLI [jumping in] For the great wizard finds the company of mere mortals a burden - he turns them into glass to show his mighty contempt. AMALAN That's a lot of contempt. CAEL It's rather a lot of prince. Ok, oh great wizard - let's just get this straight right up front. When I beat your challenges, you'll turn him back to normal before letting me take him, right? MAZURIN That goes without saying-- GIGLI After the first challenge, he will be returned to flesh. After the second, he will awaken, the third, you may take him. CAEL Good, I don't want to have to cart around a giant glass statue - must weigh a ton. And it would be rather unfortunate if I dropped him. MAZURIN Not really. AMALAN Nice. CAEL You said something about dinner? MUSIC SOUND DINING GIGLI More port, sire? MAZURIN [dismissive] Yes, yes. Now um, if you can picture this fork as an oncoming enemy-- SOUND CLINK OF FORK - clink clink clink MAZURIN Then the napkin - I mean the entrapment grass, remember - would of course slow him-- GIGLI Your port. MAZURIN Over there, beside the battlefield. GIGLI [exasperated sigh] SOUND CUP SET DOWN. MAZURIN Where was I, oh yes, slow him-- SOUND CLINKS GET MUFFLED, THEN SLOW MAZURIN --and eventually stop him. SOUND MUFFLED CLATTER AS FORK IS WRAPPED UP IN NAPKIN CAEL [interested] Clever. MAZURIN Really? CAEL Immobilizing an enemy makes him an easy target. So you put your strength into archers, to pick off the enemy soldiers stuck in the fields like-- AMALAN Garden gnomes? CAEL --like so many topiary. Hmm. Not bad at all. I could even write a song about that. AMALAN Oh, please don't - he'll turn you to glass. CAEL Shut up. MAZURIN I didn't say anything. CAEL Not you-- [sigh] I have this curse-- AMALAN I am not cursed. CAEL --of a sword. It talks to me. MAZURIN Do you often hear weapons talk? AMALAN [snickers] CAEL No, really. Here-- SOUND UNSHEATHES SWORD CAEL Say something. [beat] [apologetic] Great, now she's pissed at me. [muttered] Don't make me look bad. [up] When she's in the sheath, I'm the only one who can hear her. GIGLI Your sword is a girl? Isn't that somehow counter-intuitive? AMALAN Big words from a goblin, bub. CAEL [heavy sigh] See? MUSIC SOUND WALKING INTO SMALLER CHAMBER GIGLI Sleep tight! SOUND DOOR CLOSES CAEL I can't believe you would embarrass me that way! AMALAN Embarrass you? Who called who cursed? CAEL No, I said you were "my curse", not that you were accursed. AMALAN Oh. That's different. CAEL How's that damn wizard gonna have any respect for me now? AMALAN Who cares? He's old. And evil. CAEL He's not that old. AMALAN And evil. CAEL [shrug] That's his job. MUSIC SOUND DOOR SHUTS, TIPTOEING SLAPPY FEET MAZURIN [roaring] Gigli? GIGLI Gurk! [deep breath, then bright] Yes, master? MAZURIN What did you think you were doing, insulting an Amazon like that? GIGLI I -- I didn't-- MAZURIN You called her a lummox! GIGLI She was... playing you, sire! I was only defending your-- MAZURIN What? Playing what? GIGLI Playing games. You know no one ever actually listens to you when you rant on about one of your inventions, and there she is [squeaky] "oh how clever! You're so smart!" [normal] blech! And you-- MAZURIN [wounded] Of course people listen to me-- GIGLI I don't. MAZURIN [huffy] You're just a familiar. GIGLI [muttered] Don't remind me. [up] Sire, what I meant is she's trying to soften you up, get you to like her, so the tests will be easier. MAZURIN What's wrong with that? GIGLI [sigh] You have a reputation to uphold, my mighty lord. MAZURIN Oh, I really don't-- GIGLI --and if it gets out that you're a pushover, every Tom, Dick and Harry will be at your doorstep, looking to get something from you. MAZURIN [gasp of panic] GIGLI And when will you ever get anything done? MUSIC SOUND PACING IN THE ECHOEY DINING HALL AMALAN So wizards don't wake up as early as warriors. So what? CAEL It's dawn. He said dawn. AMALAN Barely. Sit. CAEL Nah. I'm hyped. I'm ready for something really difficult. A good fight. SOUND POOF! MAZURIN The challenge is-- CAEL [eager] Yes? MAZURIN Now, if you think the challenge is too hard, you can back out and go away, you know. AMALAN Ri-i-ight. CAEL Not gonna happen. MAZURIN I am not adverse to leaving someone alive to spread word of my cruelty and -- and--. GIGLI [hissed] Cunning! MAZURIN And cunning. CAEL And? MAZURIN And...? [thinks] and... meanness? CAEL [sigh] And the challenge? MAZURIN Right. You must ... empty my entire moat into a single tankard. AMALAN [eyeroll] Oh, jeez. CAEL [skeptical] Are you sure? MAZURIN Sure? SOUND SORTING THROUGH CARDS, STOPS MAZURIN Um... yes. That's the first challenge. AMALAN You wanna tell him, or should I? CAEL Ok, here's the deal. I could go out into the yard, smack a big hole in the bottom of a tankard and then cupful by cupful pour slimy moat water into the now bottomless tankard until there's nothing left in your pond but silt, dying fish and a pissed off moat monster. MAZURIN Oh. [whispered] Would that work? SOUND FLIPPING PAGES GIGLI Uh-- Yeah. CAEL Or I could-- MAZURIN [whispered] I can go on to another one. GIGLI [whispered] Nah. You can't switch horses in midstream. CAEL Is everything all right? MAZURIN [up] Just a moment! AMALAN Ka-ching! CAEL What? AMALAN You aced it - he might demand you actually go through with it, but he seems surprisingly reasonable for an evil wizard. CAEL I still don't think he's all that evil. AMALAN He turns people to glass and makes grass that grabs you. CAEL And I bring in archers to kill the immobilized troops-- MAZURIN All right. We've got this settled. AMALAN He lets his familiar be part of the decision process? CAEL I talk to a sword. [up] Yes, oh mighty wizard? MAZURIN Well. [ahem] Rather than have to restock my pond-- AMALAN Boo-yah! MAZURIN --we're going to take it as read that you completed the first task, and start fresh in the morning. CAEL What do we do for the rest of the day? MAZURIN [at a loss] uh... well... [doubtful] You could... come and see my workshop? AMALAN Spare me. CAEL That would be fascinating. AMALAN No really, spare me! CAEL While we're there, you can turn the prince back to flesh. MAZURIN Oh, right. Of course. AMALAN Couldn't you leave me with the blasted goblin? At least he can hold a conversation. CAEL Shut up. MAZURIN What? Oh, right, the sword. Did I mention that I've figured out how to turn water to dust, and vice versa? Mostly only a drop at a time, just yet, mind you - since it's very hard to control in large quantities - oh, well, except for last night-- CAEL Oh, is that what that was--? MAZURIN --but I was -uh- trying to make an impression. MUSIC CAEL [singing, but a bit shaky] the mighty warrior calms her rage goes into the castle dark and drear wond'ring what sort of wicked mage might be he that liv-ed here and whether she would see another day! SOUND LIGHT BUT ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE MAZURIN [admiring] You wrote that just last night? CAEL I - I couldn't sleep. It's not finished. MUSIC MAZURIN I work on very small amounts at a time - no need, really, to enchant huge things. Saves space and lord knows, who wants seven tons of aspic just lying around? MAZ and CAEL [CHUCKLE] GIGLI [exasperated] On that culinary note - Master, do you plan to dine here in the workshop? MAZURIN Dine? But it's hardly even dark out-- Oh! Well. CAEL No wonder you keep lighting candles. MAZURIN I didn't even notice, I was so caught up-- GIGLI Din-ner? MAZURIN Of course. Of course. Shall we? CAEL [stretching] I hadn't even thought about it, but I am famished. GIGLI And your sword? CAEL don't be silly. Swords don't eat. She's been awfully quiet, though. AMALAN I have been trying to ignore you. You're acting like a scullery maid who got smiled at by a lord. CAEL What? AMALAN And it will get you into trouble- this mage is the enemy. He's enchanting you. MAZURIN Something wrong? CAEL No. [thinking] Nothing. MUSIC GIGLI Sleep well. Challenge at dawn. All that. SOUND DOOR SHUTS CAEL Check me for magic. AMALAN Why? CAEL You're the one who said he's enchanting me. AMALAN I meant he's charming you - not like a CHARM charm, just by being a smooth talker. CAEL So you don't really suspect a spell? AMALAN I don't see anything out of the ordinary. CAEL Whew. That's a relief. MUSIC SOUND BANGING ON THE DOOR GIGLI Rise and shine! It's dawn. SOUND DOOR OPENS SLOWLY GIGLI Hello? Hmm. SOUND FLAPPY STEPS INTO THE ROOM GIGLI Must already be down there... [mischievous] We-e-e-ell. SOUND PAWING THROUGH HER THINGS GIGLI Figures an Amazon wouldn't have anything interesting in the way of undies. Lace would ride up something fierce. What's this? SOUND PARCHMENT UNROLLS GIGLI [reading] "The great and mighty Queen Luria" blah blah blah "doth decree" Oh doth she? Blah blah blah. "That prince Tupin should be returned safely to her royal residence in order to be joined in marriage and alignment with her oldest daughter [ with feeling] princess Cael!" [tsks, then truly rueful] Boss ain't gonna like this. MUSIC MAZURIN The test for today-- [muttered] where is that idiot goblin anyway? [up] Is for you to clean out the stables of my thirty terribly ferocious horses. CAEL OK. But this one's going to be easy too. AMALAN Unless they've been eating fermented oats - remember that one time at bard camp? MAZURIN Oh? CAEL Course. I've spent my entire life around the royal stables. Horses like me. MAZURIN Oh, I suppose we could just call it even and I could show you a few more-- CAEL Nonsense. MAZURIN Nonsense? CAEL Silly! First - I might as well prove I can do something to earn my keep. And second, if it's such a test, I can't imagine the poor horses having to live there without it being cleaned. Which way? MAZURIN Oh, um, I'll take you there. SOUND FOOTSTEPS PROGRESSING THROUGH HALLWAYS CAEL That would be lovely. Oh, is there anything in the tests that says I can't ask someone for help? MAZURIN I'm not sure - Gigli would know, but-- CAEL Well, I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. MAZURIN But there's only really one, well, person, you could call on to help, and Gigli isn't fond of any kind of animals-- CAEL Oh, he's not who I was thinking of. MAZURIN What, who, then? CAEL Nuh-uh. Not until you decide if I can - don't want to give it away. MAZURIN [enjoying the byplay] Shall I guess? CAEL Nope, just decide, then I'll tell you. MAZURIN All right. Yes. You can ask someone, but I can't constrain them into helping you. CAEL [laughs] Fine. You wanna help? MAZURIN Me? CAEL I'll do all the heavy lifting, but I thought maybe once the bulk is gone, there's plenty of dust in a good old hayloft... MAZURIN Oh! [laughs himself] Oh, yes! AMALAN [disgusted] Oh, gods. MUSIC GIGLI No, no, no, no, NO! She wasn't supposed to have any help at all - how could you have missed that part? MAZURIN You weren't there to cue me, so you can't complain. What do you think of my beard? GIGLI Your beard? Why? MAZURIN I've trimmed it down a bit - I think it's rather dashing. GIGLI [disgusted] Dashing? MAZURIN Makes me look a bit of a rakehell. Do you think I should wear the green or the black robe? I like green better myself, but black is so very... oh... manly-- [hums tunelessly to himself.] GIGLI Oh, you moron! [sigh] She's supposed to marry the prince. MAZURIN [hum cuts out with a gasp] wh-wh-whatever do you mean? [Blustering, trying to laugh] What? Ha-ha-ha. [losing momentum, starting to wind down] What did you think I was ... doing? GIGLI I really hate to burst your bubble, especially since you actually eat and bathe right now, but I saw it in her gear. She has to get the prince back and marry him. MAZURIN She has to-- GIGLI Said "Princess Cael" big as life. MAZURIN Oh. MUSIC SOUND CAEL GETTING DRESSED AMALAN Lucky for you, you were in the barn when he doused it. No one likes a smelly Amazon. CAEL Do you remember if I packed my teal chemise? AMALAN Isn't that the one you only wear for state occasions? CAEL Um, yes... AMALAN The one you say rides too tight through the chest and you hate to wear except that it brings out your eyes? CAEL [overly casual] Yes. Did I pack it? AMALAN I distinctly recall the words [mimicking] "phooey, when I go to do battle, who's looking at my... eyes?" CAEL Drat. AMALAN How can you stand him? He's so dull! CAEL Dull? What do you mean? AMALAN I mean what could possibly be more completely boring than turning dust to water - oh, yes. Turning locusts to aspic. That was much more boring. CAEL It was not. It's important magic. He's very clever. AMALAN Clever like a fox. No wait that's wrong... right... anyway, forget it. I means he's deliberately being disarming, CAEL Speaking of disarming... SOUND BUCKLE BEING UNBUCKLED, SWORD LEFT BEHIND AMALAN What are you doing? CAEL Just what you asked me to do - Sparing you. AMALAN What? CAEL No reason I'd need a sword at dinner. Even with an evil wizard. MUSIC SOUND EAGER, MESSY EATING NOISES MAZURIN [heartfelt heavy sigh] TUPIN [mouth full] So where's this princess? She one of those who likes to make an entrance? Man, she must have seriously kicked your ass, eh? Is she hot? GIGLI [muttered] I'd actually forgotten-- SOUND BIG DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS MAZURIN [deeply affected - she looks good] Oh. TUPIN [eating stops, swallow] That her? Man, she's kinda chunky. And old. GIGLI Oh, for a hammer. SOUND [under the talking] MAZURIN'S CHAIR SQUEAKS OUT, HE TAKES A STUMBLING STEP AND THEN PULLS A CHAIR OUT FOR HER MAZURIN [barely able to talk] You look - very nice. Very. TUPIN Aren't you a little underdressed? CAEL I - who? [whispered] Who is that? GIGLI You don't recognize him? CAEL Oh, the prince! Greetings, your highness. So pleased to see you upright - or at least sitting down. MAZURIN Have a seat, milady? CAEL Thank you so much, kind sir. TUPIN I don't have to stand. I'm royalty. CAEL What? TUPIN That crack about me not getting up when you came in - it's not like you're my mom or anything. Princes don't have to stand. GIGLI [whispered] Please let me leave, boss. I'm gonna kill him. CAEL I didn't mean anything-- MAZURIN [whispered] Go, then. GIGLI As you command. SOUND QUICK SLAPPY STEPS, DOOR TUPIN Well, you sounded very critical. I don't put up with that from anybody. Not even other royalty. MUSIC SOUND DOOR OPENS AMALAN Who's there? GIGLI Where is it...? SOUND SLAPPY FEET, SWORD SLID OUT OF SHEATH AMALAN Unhand me! GIGLI Hey, just wanted to ask you a couple of questions - as if I know what to do with a sword... Well, there is this prince... [nasty chuckle] AMALAN Prince Tupin? GIGLI Yeah. What a prize. AMALAN That bad? Is he - of course! He's awake, isn't he? GIGLI Unfortunately. AMALAN Oh, man, and I'm missing it. GIGLI If she doesn't clock him by the end of the evening, I'm no familiar. AMALAN Nah. She's under strict orders. GIGLI Yeah, I know. AMALAN You know.... what? GIGLI Oh, I was scouting for my master, and found the parchment in her things. He was really disappointed, you know. AMALAN Disappointed? Your master? Why? GIGLI That your princess will be marrying the prince. AMALAN Big whoop. She has to marry someone. Besides, it's years off. GIGLI Yeah, but he-- Nothing. AMALAN He what? GIGLI It's kind of amazing, really. Never seen my boss like this before - you know, picking out clothes by more than smell. And then finding out she's spoken for. AMALAN He's interested in the princess? That's kind of creepy. GIGLI Why? He may be a wizard, but he is a man. AMALAN Perv. GIGLI Hey, she may not be my type, but she's not so hard on the eyes. You should be more supportive. AMALAN You're a perv too. The princess is only 13! GIGLI [blink blink] She's really tall, then. AMALAN Huh? Have you even seen the princess? GIGLI [halting] Your... lady warrior? AMALAN Oh, heck no. The princess Cael is-- Oh! You thought my boss was the princess? Gads! Half the girls in the country are named Cael, for the great queen who led her people out of darkness and taught them to fight? GIGLI Oh? Oh! I've got to tell him! SOUND SLAPPY FEET AMALAN Wait! You mean your master is really-- I thought he was just softening her up. GIGLI [snorts] He wouldn't know how to begin. Short of turning her to aspic... MUSIC CAEL With the extra horses, I can him get there and make it back in about two weeks. MAZURIN [a bit negative] Back? CAEL Yes. MAZURIN [grumpy] Why? CAEL [a bit deflated] To... return the horses? MAZURIN Oh, of course. [lying badly] I may not be here. I have a big trip coming up. But Gigli can see that you have a place to sleep... CAEL [backing off] Or I could always send someone with them. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, SLAPPY FEET RUN IN GIGLI Sire! There has been a grave error! MAZURIN [sharp] What? GIGLI It's entirely my fault, I admit - wait, what happened to the prince? CAEL He fell asleep. I think he ate too much. GIGLI [chuckles] I'll bet. Good one, sire. MAZURIN What is your news, mannikin? GIGLI Ah, yes. Um, can you come over here, maybe? CAEL I can... leave. GIGLI No! [urging] Master? MAZURIN Just spit it out. GIGLI [whispered] She's not the one. CAEL Not the one what? MAZURIN Not? What? GIGLI Arrying-may the ince-pray. CAEL Your goblin has lost its mind. MAZURIN Not marrying the prince? You're not marrying the prince? CAEL Me? Oh, gods no!! MAZURIN But he saw-- GIGLI Princess Cael is marrying him. CAEL Yeah. She's my cousin. It's all arranged for her eighteenth birthday. Hey, if they ask, can I tell them you'll turn him back to glass until then? MAZURIN Not you? CAEL No. [thankful and sarcastic] I'm not worthy of one such as him. Besides, he's years younger than me. MAZURIN Then you can marry anyone you want? CAEL Once I successfully complete my quest. That's kind of why I took it. MAZURIN [horrible anticipation] Did you - have someone in mind? CAEL [suddenly shy] No. Why? MAZURIN Nothing. Just-- GIGLI This is disgusting. Just kiss her. CAEL But there's a third test--? MAZURIN Oh, yes... GIGLI [eye roll] The third test was too see if you could listen to the wizard and not fall asleep - boom, you win. Kiss her. MAZURIN [excited] Can we do that? GIGLI The whole test thing was mostly because I was really, really bored. ...And tradition. CAEL We should hold off the kissing until I complete my quest. There's always the chance the prince will get lost in the forest on the way back. GIGLI Now there's an idea... MAZURIN Perhaps an escort would be helpful? Hmm? CAEL ...and a cart. Then he could sleep the entire trip! GIGLI Poor princess. CAEL She throws things. I think they're actually well matched. MAZURIN [giddy] Well, perhaps a toast? CAEL And then you can finish telling me about your research into the relationship between the angle of sunlight and the movements of pond slime. MAZURIN Only if you promise to complete that ballad you were writing and sing it for me on the trip. GIGLI [disgusted moan] END

Housewarming by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2023 31:13

In classic 1940s Hollywood, aspiring screenwriter Fiona Cross discovers the pitfalls of writing remakes - including, perhaps, romance with an undying legend of the silver screen. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Fiona Cross - E. Vickery Victor Malacard - Cole Hornaday George - Jerry Bennett Margie - Kristina Yuen Andy - Michael Faigenblum Additional Voices - Rhea Lutton, Julie Hoverson, Reynaud LeBoeuf Music: Gabriel Garcea (gagamusic.eu) (also available on Jamendo) 19 Nocturne Theme: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Sound effects found on Soundsnap.com Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Cover Photos: (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com) "What kind of a place is it? Why, it's a movie studio office - can't you tell? Where else would you find... a screenwriter?" _______________________________________________ HOUSEWARMING Cast: [opening credits/Olivia] Fiona Cross, screenwriter George Webber, producer Victor Malacard, actor/director Margie, best friend Mason, butler Andy, a Messenger Instructor voice, on P.A. Landlady OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a film producer's office, can't you tell? SCENE 1 MUSIC SOUND EFFICIENT TYPING, PHONES IN THE BACKGROUND GEORGE The bad news is -it's really very good. FIONA [excited] Wonderful! [waitaminute] That's the bad news? GEORGE Yup. Because we can't use it. SOUND SHEAF OF PAPERS TOSSED ONTO TABLE. FIONA What? But ...but Mr. Webber, you said it was GEORGE Practically brilliant. I'll even read your next one, and I don't say that often. [pauses, thinks] Ever. But, Miss Cross... you should know by now that writing remakes is a complete waste of time. There's all sorts of issues. We don't want to get sued. FIONA But The House on the Peak was made- GEORGE Twenty-odd years ago. It's still dicey. Whoever owns it could sue us, and after that fiasco at Champion pictures last year... We're taking no chances. We're not Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, you know. FIONA If ... what if I could make an arrangement with the owner? Would you still be interested? GEORGE [cagey] Well, I said it was good, but I never actually said I was interested. [beat] Come back when you've got a signature. MUSIC BRIDGE SCENE 2 SOUND TINNY PHONOGRAPH MUSIC INSTRUCTOR [off mike throughout] And lift. One. Two. FIONA [puffing slightly throughout] All that work! MARGIE [puffing slightly throughout] Goodness, Fiona, didn't anyone ever tell you never adapt? INSTRUCTOR ...five and six. Arms up! FIONA I guess I figured the studio would handle all that. MARGIE [teasing] Did you just drop off the turnip truck -Oh, sorry, the porkchop truck. INSTRUCTOR ...seven and eight -keep them up! FIONA [teasing back] You just watch it, we Piggottsville girls are tough! [puffs a bit] Now I just have to get up the nerve. MARGIE [sarcastic] Nerve? YOU? I can't imagine! INSTRUCTOR [off] I hear someone talking! FIONA [whispered] Enough nerve to go and talk to Victor Malacard. MUSIC BRIDGE SCENE 3 SOUND CAR DRIVES AWAY. WOODSY NOISES FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA OK, Fee. Let's see what you've got. Scene: Heroine walks up to big spooky house. She is nervous. Almost trembling -wait, no scratch that. She is resolved, plucky. Much better. SOUND CREAK OF WOOD, BIRD CALL FIONA [slightly spooked] Or not. Come on, Fee. You can DO this. Plucky heroine, for goodness sake. Pluck up. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA What a scene. Artfully disheveled garden. Overgrown and dried out fountain. Huge mansion in exactly the proper state of dilapidation. [tries to laugh] I should be taking notes. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD STAIRS FIONA [practicing] Mr. Malacard, I am such a big fan of--No, I'm sure he hears THAT all the- SOUND FOOTSTEPS SLOW DOWN, THEN STOP. FIONA [firm] Mr. Malacard. I have a proposition for--Oh pooh! [ingratiating] Mr. Malacard. How wonderful to finally meet- SOUND DOOR CREAKS OPEN. FIONA [gasp] MASON [spooky and unwelcoming] May I help you? FIONA [muttered] I bet you get a lot of these roles. MASON Hmm? FIONA Sorry. Nothing. I would like to speak to Mr. Malacard. MASON No. SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT. FIONA What? Aren't you supposed to say something like [aping his voice] "I'm afraid Mr. Malacard... isn't himself today." [normal voice] and give me a chance to argue with you? [pause] Huh? SOUND TWO FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD, THEN SHE SITS ON THE STAIR WITH A CREAK. FIONA [calling over her shoulder] Very well, then. I'm not leaving. I'll just sit here until the spiderwebs grow up over me and I become part of the set! SOUND BIRDS. FIONA [muttered] Or at least until I get up the nerve to walk back to town. [sigh] Well, it's kind of nice here, anyway. Peaceful. [takes a couple of deep breaths] SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL APPROACH VICTOR [coming on mike] Can I help you? FIONA What? Oh! [noises, as she stands] Mr. Mal--Wait. You can't be--I'm confused. VICTOR [chuckles] I look just like him, don't I? I'm Victor Malacard the lesser. Call me Vic. FIONA Fiona Cross. I'm so pleased! I'm a writer, you see, and-15 VICTOR [cold] So sorry. Father doesn't give interviews. FIONA Oh, no -I'm a screenwriter. I wrote a wonderful script- VICTOR [perturbed] He doesn't act any more, either. FIONA Does he let people finish their sentences? VICTOR [chuckling in spite of himself] All right. Just point to me when it's my cue. FIONA [deep breath] I wrote a new version of The House on the Peak, your father's masterpiece, and I would very much like to get it produced- FIONA --because I spent a lot of time on it, and I know he would be flattered if he could only read it, because, well, the original was brilliant, but most people DO like sound nowadays, and this would bring his work back for more people to see, and if I could just get his permission, I have a studio which is VERY interested. VICTOR [pause] My turn? Then... all right. FIONA All right then, what? VICTOR Let me read it. I'll see if it's all you say it is. FIONA But your father- VICTOR Is old and very ill -one reason I cannot let anyone into the house. I have all the authority necessary. I assume you brought your script? FIONA Oh, yes! SOUND SNAPS OPEN SHOULDERBAG, PULLS OUT SHEAF OF PAPERS. FIONA Really, I'm a much better writer than I must sound like, from the way I talk. I just get really- SOUND A COUPLE OF PAGES FLIP VICTOR Come back in a couple of days. Saturday. FIONA Oh, no! I've heard that one before. It's not so late, I'll wait while you read it. [BEAT] Besides, I need to borrow your phone to call a cab. VICTOR [cold] I'm afraid you're doomed to disappointment on many levels, Miss Cross. I refuse to read on demand, and you cannot come in. FIONA But it's miles to the nearest- VICTOR You'd better start walking. I will see you on Saturday. MUSIC TIME PASSES SCENE 4 SOUND DOOR OPENS. CRACKLE OF WAXED PAPER. VICTOR [warning] I am not going to--[surprised] What is that? FIONA Lunch. You're not going to what? VICTOR You brought - FIONA If there's one thing that Hollywood taught me, it's come prepared for a siege. You're lucky I didn't have time to make pastrami and onion sandwiches, though they work a whole lot better in an office. VICTOR Work... better? FIONA Nothing like the chance you might stink up someone's office to motivate them to give you five minutes. VICTOR [chuckles] FIONA Want some? VICTOR What? Oh, no -I've eaten. FIONA [snort] Hospital food, I bet -all bland and toothless. It's always like that when someone in the house is sick. VICTOR No, [sighs, then, resigned] no -if there's one thing Mason makes certain of, it's that the food is good. FIONA That your butler? Or is he some kind of nurse? VICTOR Some kind... um, something. FIONA [bright, teasing] So, did you read it yet? VICTOR There's hardly been time- FIONA [Sweetly] Then why waste it talking to me? VICTOR [sad] It's not something I get to do very often. Talking. To someone. FIONA Read the script, and I promise I'll come back and talk up a storm. SOUND DISTANT THUNDER VICTOR [sigh, pause] Speaking of storms, it looks like rain. If you need to walk back to town, you'd best get started. FIONA I'm a farm girl. We're built tough. And reasonably waterproof. VICTOR [chuckle ruefully] SOUND DOOR SHUTS. MUSIC TIME PASSES SCENE 5 SOUND CRICKETS, NIGHT SOUNDS, RAIN [a beat] DOOR OPENS VICTOR Tsk. Do you know what time it is? FIONA Judging from the position of the stars, what little I can see of them -my watch says about 9. VICTOR [a beat, then] I read it. FIONA [gasps, then tight] And? VICTOR It's brilliant. FIONA Really? VICTOR Here's your release. My lawyer can validate it in the morning. FIONA Oh! I could kiss you [SHE DOES] VICTOR [shaken] I... Miss Cross...! FIONA Fiona. You know, you really do look like your father. You're lucky. He was really something, back in the day. It's those eyes. VICTOR Yes, I... [with emphasis] He... SOUND CAR APPROACHES, STOPS. VICTOR What? Who the devil--? FIONA My cab. I arranged for it to pick me up at 9. Siege or not, I'm not sleeping on anyone's doorstep but my own. Thanks again! SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA [off] ...and if you're ever in town...! VICTOR [yelling slightly] Of course...! SOUND CAR DOOR SLAMS SOUND HOUSE DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN. VICTOR [sadly to self] ...not. SOUND SLOW FOOTSTEPS ACROSS THE PORCH. MUSIC SCENE 6 SOUND TENNIS, CROWD, IN BACKGROUND THROUGHOUT. MARGIE So, they loved it. Did you write yourself a part? FIONA What? MARGIE Oh, come on-don't tell me you only aspire to be the pen and not the face? FIONA I just enjoy writing. I'm in complete control of the world. Everyone in my story has to listen to me and do what I say. MARGIE But acting is where the fame is. FIONA Who wants fame? VOICE ON P.A. [filter] Number 33, Court 1 is open. MARGIE Are we getting close? SOUND RUSTLE OF PAPER FIONA Should be next. MARGIE So you're in it for the money? FIONA No... I guess... I'm in it to ... to see it happen. MARGIE [pause] Are you explaining or should I order another drink? FIONA I want to see things from my imagination up there on the screen. I want to create something that people will remember. MARGIE And you don't want to be famous or rich? You're nuts. FIONA Rich would be OK, but famous just means you never get away. That must be why Mr. Malacard lives out in the country -to get away from the craziness. MARGIE Craziness? In Hollywood? Perish the thought! [pause] So, can I have your part? FIONA [laughs] There aren't really any good female roles in the House on the Peak. MARGIE Will I sound hopelessly undereducated if I admit I've never actually seen this fabulous item? FIONA You never--? Where did you grow up, a cave? I mean even in Piggottsville, it showed for three whole nights -and then each year near Halloween. I think the theater proprietress musta had a thing for Malacard. MARGIE Spare me the down home gossip and tell me about this masterpiece. FIONA Well, it's sort of modeled on this story by Edgar Allen Poe- MARGIE Didja have to get permission from him, too? FIONA Shush. He's been dead for -I dunno, a century? Besides, it's not really the same idea, just the tone. See, there's this guy who goes home after his father's death, to see his twin brother who he hasn't seen in years- MARGIE Which one was your mysterious actor? FIONA Oh, Victor Malacard played both brothers. It was groundbreaking at the time -using cutaways and doubles- MARGIE Is this important? FIONA [chuckles] I guess not. But the brother who'd been away was a man of the world, very caught up in business, and the one who stayed was a strange lonely man who talked to himself- MARGIE [sarcastic] In a silent film, no less. FIONA [agreeing] Malacard was a genius. They've got their eye on this new fellow -he was in that film, "Laura"- MARGIE Stick to the point! FIONA Tsk. So it turns out the house is alive, and must have a family member in residence or it will die. But the one who stayed would live forever, barring falling out of a window, which is what'd happened to their father. MARGIE Foul play? FIONA You got it -turns out one of the sons had killed dear old dad to take his place as head of the family, and live forever. MARGIE Was it the creepy one? VOICE ON P.A. [filter] Number 34, court 3 is open. SOUND GLASS PUT DOWN, BAGS SNATCHED UP FIONA I'll tell you whodunnit... but only if you beat me. MUSIC SCENE 7 SOUND CAR DOOR SLAMS. FEET ON GRAVEL. FEET SLOW DOWN. FIONA Oh. Hullo! SOUND CAB DRIVES AWAY VICTOR I heard you coming. FIONA Oh, and here I thought old Igor your butler was a warlock or something. VICTOR Mason is a lot of things, but--[pause] What's that? More scripts? FIONA No, silly. It's a picnic. VICTOR A what--? FIONA Pic. Nic. Food to eat outside so as not to bother those inside whom shall not be named. VICTOR But, you- FIONA I promised I would talk up a storm, didn't I? If Hollywood taught me one thing, it's to keep my promises. VICTOR Well. [bemused, but pleased] Very well, then. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. DOOR OPENS [OFF]. MASON [off] Sir? VICTOR [calling] Don't worry, I'll stay where you can see me. MASON [off] Very good, sir. FIONA Wow, he sure keeps you on a short leash. VICTOR [deep with meaning] So true. FIONA Well, this looks good -and see, there's a window right there where your keeper can peep out and make sure nothing improper happens. SOUND BLANKET SPREAD, THINGS BEING TAKEN OUT OF PICNIC BASKET VICTOR [deep sigh] FIONA [sincere] I do understand. My gramma raised me -she was from the old country, very wild Irish, and hospitals would never, never do. So when she took ill at the end, I had to look after her. And the farm. Just the two of us, right up til she passed. VICTOR So being tired of the sticks, you came right out to Hollywood, no training wheels or anything? FIONA Oh, I figure I'll go back someday -not to the farm, but to the country. Being down here -well, down there -is tough -there are so many people everywhere. VICTOR Better than being lonely- FIONA You can be lonely in a crowd just as easy as on a farm, and it's much noisier. The crowd, I mean. VICTOR More material for your writing. FIONA I don't agree. I figure growing up pretty much alone is why I have such a good imagination. Keeping myself occupied, making up folks to talk to. VICTOR [moving in romantically] And you enjoyed my --my father's film so much that you decided to put words to it? FIONA [slightly breathless] I... I didn't so much write them as sort of translate what he already said. VICTOR [deep and husky] And very well too. FIONA [gasp, deeply important] Before this goes any further, I have to say something. VICTOR [snapping out of it] I--we--of course, we shouldn't- FIONA Since the studio is picking up the cost of lunch, we have to talk business. I hope you don't mind. VICTOR [vastly relieved, deep breath] Of course. Mm, that smells good. No pastrami and onions? FIONA [laughing] No. [serious] See, the studio wants to know if we can add a girl -a romance -to the story. Seems everything just has to have a love interest these days. VICTOR [sharp] A what? FIONA And a happy ending. They don't want- VICTOR No! Under no circumstances! They're not going to ruin my--[through gritted teeth] my... father's vision -with sentimental claptrap. FIONA [teasing] Really? Sentimental claptrap is all the rage nowadays. [change of tone, satisfied] Good. That's what I thought, but they won't listen to me. Business over. VICTOR But you- FIONA Oh, don't get me wrong, I like romance as much as the next girl, but it would weaken the drama. Try a taste of this. VICTOR Um, yes. [takes a bite] That's -mmm, that's delicious. The drama, you say? Have you been writing for very long? FIONA This is my first script. That I've completed, anyway. I've got lots of ideas, but this one just sort of made me finish it. It's a bit of an obsession, I guess. VICTOR You should write more. It was very good. [pause, then throaty] Maybe... romance... next time. FIONA [oblivious] Maybe. I guess it's easier to write what you know, though. VICTOR [still making his move] Really? No romance on the horizon, no beau back home on the farm? FIONA [reacting, almost breathless] No -no one. I've ... never... not really, anyway... Oh. [long indrawn breath, then a teasing whisper] Your butler's watching us. VICTOR [breaks away] Blast! I can't even--! [muttered growl] Look at him. [heavy sigh, then businesslike] This has been very pleasant, Miss Cross, but I must go- SOUND GETS UP, FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, MOVING QUICKLY FIONA Hmph? SOUND BITING A CARROT MUSIC SCENE 8 SOUND BUSY LUNCH COUNTER MARGIE So do you make a habit of scaring off men? FIONA Well -there was this boy back at Jefferson junior high ... No, I'm teasing. I've never had much of a chance to try -guess I'm just a natural. MARGIE And he was circling in for the kill, ready to land a knockout, when- FIONA The ref appeared and he threw in the towel. You don't usually think of grown men as needing a chaperone. MARGIE Maybe he's old fashioned and is trying to look out for your reputation or something. FIONA Old fashioned I would buy. He's got this courtly way about him...just like his father, at least the way he was on the screen. This sort of graceful way of moving that expresses so much. MARGIE And what was he expressing just before the bell rang to call the match? FIONA Well... [blushing] He wasn't afraid -I can say that for sure. MUSIC SCENE 9 SOUND CAR DRIVES AWAY, FEET ON GRAVEL VICTOR You found your way back? FIONA The picnic was to thank you. Now I'm buttering you up in case I want to remake another one of your father's films. VICTOR So what's in the bag this time? Dare I guess? FIONA No, silly. It's a surprise. I figure, not leaving the house much, you don't get to have a lot of fun. VICTOR My... father- FIONA Exactly. So, I figured I'd bring the some to you. VICTOR Fun? FIONA I remembered you had a swimming pool. VICTOR Pool? But--But there's no water- FIONA And swimsuits don't clank. SOUND CLANK OF SOMETHING METAL IN BAG VICTOR Then, what--? FIONA We-e-ell, can we go look at the pool? VICTOR Uh--yes? SOUND FEET ON GRASS FIONA I hope you don't mind my coming up here like this. I'm just so exuberant. Or is that the right word? VICTOR Well, you sound exuberant to me. FIONA Aha, the pool. Oh, good, it's nice and clean. VICTOR Mason sees to the grounds as well as the house. FIONA So, here. SOUND CLANK AS BAG IS SET DOWN, UNTYING OF KNOT VICTOR I--I'm intrigued. What do you have there? FIONA Keep in mind, I'm kind of unsophisticated, here. Another girl might have brought champagne or something. I hope this isn't too disappointing. SOUND METAL CLANK VICTOR I can't even tell what those are -I see metals and wheels, and- FIONA Silly, it's roller skates! MUSIC SCENE 10 MARGIE Roller skates? You had a chance to romance a bigwig, and you took him roller skates? FIONA The pool was perfect -I couldn't resist. MARGIE And the two of you rolled around the bottom of the pool like children? FIONA More or less. Well, mostly me. He was a bit too dignified to give it a fair shake. MARGIE But you didn't roll around like grownups? FIONA What? MARGIE Nothing. MUSIC SCENE 11 SOUND CAR DRIVES AWAY, FEET ON GRAVEL FIONA Hello? [beat, then chuckles] Maybe he didn't see me coming, for once? SOUND FOOTSTEPS IN LEAVES FIONA Hello? How tragic. A perfectly good cab ride wasted. [worried] Maybe his father's not doing well. SOUND DOOR OPENS MASON Miss? FIONA Oh, gosh -sorry! I guess I kind of expected Vic to be around somewhere. He usually is. MASON He's busy. Inside. [ominous] Would you like to come in? FIONA Oh, Vic said it's- MASON It's no problem. Really. FIONA Sure. Thanks a lot. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL FIONA I can always, go, you know. I don't want to be a bother. MASON No bother. You're quite welcome here. SOUND FOOTSTEPS SLOW A BIT ON THE WOODEN STAIRS FIONA It'll be interesting to see inside. VICTOR [distant] Fiona? Is that you? SOUND RUNNING FEET APPROACH VICTOR [angry, worried] What's going on? Mason? [beat] Fiona? FIONA Just looking for you. Mason said you might be inside. VICTOR [angry hiss] Inside? Get out of here, Fiona. Just go. We'll be talking about this, Mason. SOUND FOOTSTEPS DOWN STAIRS INTO GRAVEL FIONA [puzzled] Victor? VICTOR [whispered] I don't want you going in and... catching anything. Understand? FIONA All right. Um, sorry? VICTOR [cold] Goodbye. [up] Mason! MUSIC SCENE 12 GEORGE [very serious] Thank you for coming in, Miss Cross. We have a bit of a problem. FIONA You couldn't get that actor, Price? GEORGE More serious than that. [heavy pause] Mr. Malacard. FIONA What happened? Is Vic's dad OK? GEORGE Sorry, I meant the son. He rang up yesterday and said, well... said you've been pestering him. FIONA [shocked] ...pestering? GEORGE Yes. He said he'll pull the permission for the film if you bother him again. FIONA [nearly in tears] B-but... I--He never said- GEORGE [fatherly] Just lay off, at least until the film is finished. Once it's in distribution, you can pester him all you want. FIONA Oh! [sobbing] SOUND CHAIR SCRAPE, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, DOOR BANGS OPEN. MUSIC SCENE 13 SOUND COCKTAIL LOUNGE, MANY ROWDY PEOPLE IN BACKGROUND FIONA [very down] Pestering. That's what he said. Apparently. Vic couldn't even tell me to my face, [breaking down into tears] he had to send it through- MARGIE There, there. [calls] Waiter! Bring another one. [half whispered] A double. FIONA No. I really shouldn't. [moping again] I guess I deserve it -he didn't say I could come back, but... The picnic was NICE. Everything was nice. He was nice. Real nice. I thought. MARGIE They all seem nice -say, you didn't let him ... have his wicked way with you, didja? FIONA What? No! [melting] I mean, he almost kissed me at the picnic, but the butler was watching. MARGIE That's it, then. The butler did it. Probably threatened to quit or something. Good help is a lot harder to find in this town than pretty girls. [lecturing] Most servants are just actors waiting to be discovered -they're just not very good, or they'd be able to act like servants. FIONA [almost a laugh] Hmph. MARGIE That's better. What you need is a night at a dance hall -meet some nice guys, wear yourself out, then you can sleep. I promise, all you'll be worrying about in the morning is your bunions. MUSIC SCENE 14 SOUND PERSISTENT CITY NIGHT NOISES. SOUND PHONE RINGS, OFF [PAUSE] THEN POUNDING ON A DOOR FIONA [waking] Yes? Mm-what? LANDLADY [very annoyed] Phone for you. MUSIC SCENE 15 SOUND CAB PULLS UP, DOOR SLAMS, RUNNING FEET ON GRAVEL FIONA [panting] SOUND FEET RUN UP WOOD STAIRS, POUNDING ON DOOR FIONA Hello? Hello? SOUND DOOR SWINGS OPEN MASON [very calm] Oh, good. Come in. FIONA Mason? What happened? You said it was an emergency? SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE UNDER MASON This way, miss. FIONA [getting more panicky] But, is Vic hurt? Did his father...? What could he --what could he want me here for? MASON Through here. SOUND DOOR OPENS MASON The master will be right in, Miss. SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT. FIONA [gasp, then yelling] You could at least turn on a light! [to herself] Which master? Maybe I'll finally- SOUND DOOR OPENS MASON [off] Just through here, sir. SOUND RELUCTANT FOOTSTEPS MASON [off, condescending] I think this will help with your --mood, sir. VICTOR [coming on] I can't think of anything worth getting me up in the middle of the--Fiona? [truly upset] MASON [off, condescending] Now everything will be better. FIONA Oh, Vic, I shouldn't have come. I'm so sorry! Please don't- VICTOR Oh, no! No! FIONA But Mason called me. He said- VICTOR Mason! That filthy--!! SOUND DOOR SLAM CUTS HIM OFF FIONA What is it? VICTOR We must get you out of here! SOUND RUNNING FEET, POUNDING ON WINDOWS, TRYING TO GET THEM TO OPEN FIONA I don't understand, Vic? VICTOR Blast it Fiona, help me. FIONA No. I want to know what's going on. VICTOR Is this one of those things Hollywood taught you? Take a bad situation and make it worse? FIONA No. Oh, here [grunt as she helps try and push] I wasn't going to ... to not help. I'm just confused. VICTOR [grunt, then angry noise] No use, they're sealed. FIONA They are glass. There must be a chair or something- VICTOR It's never that easy -trust me. This way. Come on. SOUND RUNNING FEET, SLAM AGAINST CLOSED DOOR BOTH are getting BREATHLESS FIONA Locked! VICTOR Maybe down here! SOUND MORE RUNNING FOOTSTEPS FIONA Don't you know your own house? VICTOR [harsh laugh] Don't slow down. SOUND RUNNING, SCRAMBLE, RATTLE OF LOCKED DOOR FIONA Victor, wait! VICTOR No! I will NOT let him get you! SOUND POUNDING ON DOOR, BUT SLOWER VICTOR [sobs] I won't let IT! FIONA Victor. Breathe, Victor! VICTOR I'm so sorry, Fiona. I don't understand why it brought you here. FIONA It? Oh! [dawning] Um, I guess everyone agreed the story needed a bit of romance. VICTOR What? FIONA Your house. It's just like the film -or close to it -isn't it? VICTOR How could you think--How could you know? FIONA I told you I have a good imagination. VICTOR But you- FIONA And you're the one and only Victor Malacard. VICTOR You're mad! I would have to be- FIONA Almost 60. I looked it up. And you don't look a day over 35. Coincidentally, the age you were when you went into seclusion. You look like him, move like him -even the way your lips move when you talk -not even father and son can be THAT much alike. VICTOR It's... the house. FIONA And Mason? VICTOR Mason's not a... person. Just part of it. The house. He... speaks for it. FIONA And watches over you. VICTOR Keeps me prisoner, you mean. [sadly] And now, you too. Fiona, I am so dreadfully- FIONA Shh. [calling] Mason? I want to talk to you -whatever you are. MASON [deep, on filter] Yes miss? VICTOR [yelling] You let her go, you wretch! FIONA Shh. Victor. It'll be fine. VICTOR No...! FIONA Yes. [SOUND -brief kiss] If there's one thing I learned in Hollywood, it's there's always room for negotiation. [calling, sweetly] Mason? MUSIC, fades into- SCENE 15 MUSIC 1960S BUBBLEGUM POP ON A TINNY RADIO, DISTANT, WITH BIRDS AND OUTDOOR NOISES. SOUND MOTORCYCLE APPROACHES, STOPS FIONA [coming on] Ah! Over here, Bobby! Oh! I was expecting- ANDY Sorry! I'm Andy -Bobby retired. FIONA [chuckles] It's so hard to keep track. Well, then, Andy. Do you have my packages? SOUND LOADING UP WITH PACKAGES AS HE SPEAKS ANDY Yup, packages from Woolworth's and Mays, a big bundle of magazines, and here's one from the studio -a film canister -gee do you have your own theater? That's way out there, man, I mean ma'am. FIONA [chuckles] Just leave everything on the porch. The butler will see that it all gets inside in one piece. And here's my latest screenplay -hardly a fair trade, but an easier trip, eh? Get it to George -no, wait... I mean Harold, don't I? Harold Mills is in production these days, right? SOUND SCRIPT CHANGES HANDS ANDY Umm... [working up to say something] So you're Fiona Cross Malacard? The one who wrote Trapped by Love? That was a groovy flick, even if it is kind of ancient. FIONA Well, thank you, Andy. [chuckles] I guess. ANDY But you don't look--I mean, you're really much--oh, criminee. I mean to say- FIONA You're trying not to say I must be older than I look? ANDY Uh-huh. FIONA I'll take the compliment. I put it down to clean country air, good healthy food... VICTOR [way off] Fiona? Was that the deliveries? FIONA ...and a wonderful husband. ANDY Having servants don't hurt neither, eh? FIONA [ironic] No -no, it don't. MUSIC TO END

love music halloween father business hollywood house real speaking sound food price irish hospitals champion court phone rain breathe goodness crowd peak arms stops fees instructors editing trapped blast siege goodbye peaceful nic vic igor mm sir distant nerve scramble perish webber mays waiters sentimental music scene pluck reissue woolworth housewarming jamendo plucky landlady metro goldwyn mayer overgrown artfully hullo soundsnap hmph julie hoverson nocturne boulevard sound running victor how victor no fiona fiona victor it victor there

For Art's Sake by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 16, 2023 29:59

[mature language and violence] Roy Chambers, self-proclaimed "artist of junk" becomes suspicious about the intricate work of another sculptor. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Roy Chambers - J.D. Lloyd Gwynneth Robinson Molly Tollefson Vivienne - Rhys TM Robert - Mr. Synyster Arturo - Philemon Vanderbeck Solange - Angela Kirby Penelope Cartwright - Kris Keppeler Hank Norton - Powers Chamber 19 Nocturne Theme: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) All other music by Professor Kliq (Creative Commons License) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Photo: (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com) "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an art gallery - can't you just smell the culture?" _________________________________________________________ FOR ART'S SAKE Cast: Announcer Cabbie Olivia Roy Chambers, artist of junk Gwynneth Robinson, gallery owner Robert [ro-BEAR], art critic Vivienne, art critic Arturo, sculptor Solange, a supermodel Hank Norton, grieving brother Penelope Cartwright, psychic Gordie, aspiring young critic OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's an art gallery. Can't you just smell the culture? SCENE 1 MUSIC - PRETENTIOUS GRUNGE/INDUSTRIAL, BUT LOW. AMBIANCE LOW CROWD MUMBLE ROBERT and VIVIENNE sound bored and disinterested - very, very jaded intellectual. They are sort of fencing with each other. ROBERT It's so innovative, it's almost retro. VIVIENNE Jejune, yet piquant. ROBERT The raw power of the chain link simply draws the eye. VIVIENNE The underlying metaphor behind the cracked concrete base is very telling. ROBERT Trash cans have been overused this season. VIVIENNE Which is precisely what this piece is trying to say. It is a commentary on the current state of the art world. ROY That it's all garbage? ROBERT [snort of derision] Garbage? Perhaps to the petty and feeble mind, incapable of looking beyond the component parts-- VIVIENNE --this one would look at a forest and see trees. [ROBERT AND VIVIENNE chuckle.] ROY Oh, I understand this piece just fine. ROBERT Do you? Do you really? VIVIENNE What, then, is this putty-like brown graffitti in its indecipherable scrawl? ROBERT And that smell - it's almost visceral. ROY It's crap. ROBERT You'd best keep your voice down, dear fellow. The artist is a good friend of dear Gwynneth, our host tonight, and I hear he's actually graced us with his presence. ROY No- no. It's actually feces. The graffitti. I'm Roy Chambers. The artist? VIVIENNE F-feces? Excrement? ROY Yup. VIVIENNE B-but... doesn't it ... lose pungency after a time? ROY Of course. I freshen it up every couple of days. I hope you don't mind if I don't shake hands. A BEAT OF SHOCKED SILENCE, THEN ROBERT Well, that does put a new [trailing off] face ...on ...it. VIVIENNE Oh, look, they've opened the champagne. SOUND HURRIED FOOTSTEPS AWAY ROY [chuckles] GWYNNETH [sigh] Darling, you'll never sell anything if you keep telling people your work is shit. ROY [laughs harder] You know that's not the point. I just love seeing the look in their eyes. GWYNNETH Well, you may have the luxury of not needing to make your way as an artist, but I still need-- ROY I can always-- GWYNNETH [indignant] Write me a check? Not on your life, handsome. If I can't make it, I'll fail on my own two feet. [softening] But you can buy me dinner. Again. ROY [chuckling] I wasn't going to suggest charity - but since I seem to be the one losing you sales on my pieces, you could let me pay rent for the space-- GWYNNETH I don't understand why you're so down on your art. [serious] It's good Roy. It's powerful. I wouldn't have it in my gallery otherwise... [rowr] no matter how terrific you are in bed. ROY It makes me uncomfortable, like I'm ... exposing myself. GWYNNETH That's what makes it so strong-- SCENE 2 SOUND A COMMOTION IN THE BACKGROUND - SOMEONE YELLING - GETS LOUDER AS GWYNNETH AND ROY APPROACH GWYNNETH [muttering as she hustles] Oh, goodness, it's not the man enclosed in legos with his winkie hanging out again, is it? ROY [right behind her] Maybe a critic's seeing eye dog got at the sculpture in baloney. GWYNNETH Poor dog - that meat's been here a week. ROY Either one. SOUND COMMOTION HAS ENDED - JUST HEAVY BREATHING FROM A COUPLE OF GUYS GWYNNETH [authoritative] What is going on? ARTURO This ...person... was ...molesting... my statue. ROY [muttered] Is it the baloney? GWYNNETH [muttered] No. ROY [muttered] The winkie? GWYNNETH [muttered] Shh. ARTURO I demand charges be filed. HANK I was only-- ARTURO No one cares what you were trying to do, you philistine! GWYNNETH Arturo. ARTURO Luddite! Peon! GWYNNETH Arturo! Please, calm down. I promise I shall handle this personally. ARTURO [going off] Just make sure he keeps his filthy hands off my beautiful marbles. ROY [muttered] Maybe his marbles should meet lego man's winkie. GWYNNETH [trying not to laugh] Ahem. Now, sir, I'm Miss Robinson - and this is my gallery. And you are? HANK [subdued, apologetic, aw shucks] Hank - Henry, that is - Norton. GWYNNETH What were you doing, then? HANK The statue - it looks like Lizzie - Elizabeth - my sister. Just like her. ROY That not what she asked. HANK Well, I was thinking it might be like that old movie where the guy kills people, puts them in plaster and gets famous for his art... Lizzie's missing, ever since she wrote and said she had a job modeling for this guy. So I wanted to... check and see... GWYNNETH [gentle] I don't know the movie, Hank, but I'm pretty sure you can't put someone in marble the way you might with plaster. It simply doesn't work that way. HANK No? GWYNNETH No. ROY Hank, let's get us a glass of that champagne. GWYNNETH [stage whisper] Thank you! SOUND QUICK KISS SCENE 3 MUSIC A LITTLE TIME PASSES SOUND EXCITED COMMOTION, CAMERAS GWYNNETH Oh, god, what is it this time? ROBERT [in awe] It's Solange. She's here! VIVIENNE [going off] If I were only into women... ROBERT [going off] Me too... GWYNNETH [sigh, then clearly trying to convince herself] It's good. Publicity. I like supermodels. ROY [coming on] Who--? GWYNNETH Solange is the latest sensation. So bloody skinny. ROY Better keep her away from the baloney. GWYNNETH [slightly venomous] It would do her good. ROY I didn't mean her - just the dog. SOUND FOOTSTEPS AND JINGLE OF DOG HARNESS APPROACH GWYNNETH Solange, I am honored. SOLANGE [strange accent] Ah? Sorree, and you are? GWYNNETH I'm Gwynneth Robinson. This is my gallery. We are truly-- SOLANGE Where ees Arturo? GWYNNETH Right over there. SOLANGE Take mee to heem, pleez. SOUND JINGLE OF DOG'S HARNESS, SCRABBLE OF CLAWS ON FLOOR. GWYNNETH My pleasure. My arm is just to your right. Would you like something to drink? [fading out] Perhaps some water for your service animal? ROY Is that the latest thing - blind models? VIVIENNE 'Differently abled' darling. You could get sued -- ROBERT Or at least censured. VIVIENNE --for use of non-PC language. ROBERT Besides, with a body like that, who cares if she can see? And the dark glasses are her trademark - she's never seen without them. ROY Hmm. You two seem like just the type I need. VIVIENNE I don't do threesomes. ROBERT I do. ROY No, no - not like that, but [buttering up] you really seem to be in the know... VIVIENNE Of course. ROBERT Pity. ROY This Arturo guy - what can you tell me about him? VIVIENNE Quid pro quo, dear friend - tell us about you first. ROY Well... It's brownie mix - the brown stuff. ROBERT Re-e-e-eally...? SCENE 4 MUSIC SOUND CLUNK OF OVERHEAD LIGHTS GOING OFF GWYNNETH [coming on, low and sultry] So. The lights are off. The crowd is gone. And the door is locked against the night. You know what that means? ROY Hmm? GWYNNETH Come on, love. I need some serious stress relief. ROY In a moment. GWYNNETH What is so fascinating about these things? First that poor little man - now you? ROY Have you really looked at them? GWYNNETH Dearest, I don't really look at anything that goes in here, beyond deciding if I think it will sell. That way lies sheer madness. ROY How did legoman get in? GWYNNETH Oh, that. [sigh] I'm still not certain about that one. ROY Anyway, these statues - I don't know anything about marble sculpting, but I would assume it's not the easiest thing in the world, even with modern technology. GWYNNETH I suppose. ROY Look at the detail here. The clothes, hair - rivets in the jeans, even. Everything is exact. Perfect. GWYNNETH So he's anal. Surely you're not thinking that Arturo whats-his-name has somehow immured people in marble. ROY Nah. But I can see Hank's point. His sister's statue looks - almost alive. And she's not happy about it. MUSIC SCENE 5 AMBIANCE RESTAURANT GWYNNETH Where were you? I really could have used you at the gallery tonight. ROY Why? What happened? GWYNNETH I asked you first. ROY [sigh] I-I was trying to find that artist - the one with the statues. GWYNNETH And--? ROY He's harder to track down than ... than me. GWYNNETH [laughs] Perhaps he's another eccentric with more money than sense. ROY Hey--! I thought that was part of my charm. GWYNNETH No. I love you. But I don't make any claim to understand you. You don't even like your own art. ROY [slightly uncomfortable] It just comes out that way. SOUND A MOMENT OF EATING GWYNNETH [unpleasantly surprised] Oh god! Don't look. It's her. Just act normal. ROY What? Who am I not looking at? GWYNNETH The commotion. I mean the woman who caused the- PENELOPE [off] Hello! ROY I think she's seen you. GWYNNETH Oh, god. ROY Is there anything I should know before she gets here? GWYNNETH I'm going to be a coward and duck out for the loo. ROY About her, I mean. [beat] You've got a moment, the maitre d' has her in a headlock. GWYNNETH [laugh] She claims to be a psychic and made a fuss over Arturo's marbles. God, I'm seriously regretting ever taking them on. ROY Why did you? I mean, looking at his stuff, he could be showcased in the biggest gallery in town, and- [trails off uncertainly] GWYNNETH Rather than a piddling little upstart like mine? Oh, hell- See you! SOUND GETS UP FROM CHAIR, DASHES AWAY ROY Chicken. PENELOPE [slightly off] Miss Robinson! SOUND CHAIR SCRAPES ROY She'll be right back. PENELOPE [coming on] Oh. I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to interrupt - are you - you're her beau, aren't you? ROY I'm her boyfriend, yeah. SOUND CHAIR SCRAPES, SHE SITS DOWN PENELOPE I could tell the moment I really looked at you. ROY [giving her nothing] Ah. Well. PENELOPE Oh, I'm so sorry. She probably mentioned me, I'm Penelope Cartwright. [confidential] I'm a certified psychic. ROY Oh. Well. PENELOPE Oh-ho! I can tell you're a disbeliever, Mr. -? ROY Don't you know? You're the psychic. PENELOPE [laughs] It's not like that, handsome. Well, sometimes it is. Let me see, let me see. Hmm. I'm feeling the letter T. Can I see your hands? ROY [over-eager] T? As in Thomas? PENELOPE [pleased] Aha! Your palm? There. You work with your hands, are you in construction? ROY [noncommital] Mm. PENELOPE But there's something else - your money line is a bit baffling. Very strong - not what I usually see in someone doing manual work. And something about cats... [Surprised as he snatches his hand away] What?? ROY Look, Miss Cartwright. You've been right about one thing - and only one thing - I'm a skeptic. PENELOPE But, I-- ROY But, nothing. I think you'd better go before I feel like embarrassing you in front of Miss Robinson. PENELOPE Please-- ROY Go. PENELOPE [beat] Very well. [intense] But you need to hear this-- [before he can speak] No! I have to say it, and if you won't let me wait to tell her, then you have to hear it. ROY Fine. Whatever. Quickly. PENELOPE The statues - there's something very wrong with them - worse even than that painful installation near the front door with the brown stuff- I just walked past, and they shouted to me - screamed for help - as if they were alive! ROY Right. PENELOPE You don't have to believe, but you must hear me. I felt such evil in the presence of those poor dear things. ROY [very sarcastic] They're... evil statues? PENELOPE Oh, no. They're evil's victims. SCENE 6 MUSIC AMBIANCE STREET GWYNNETH I can't believe she would do that! You're such a saint to put up with everything. ROY Saint? No. Just amused by people. Probably why I like the gallery scene - art folk are hilarious. GWYNNETH Like Vivienne and Robert? ROY Who? GWYNNETH You were talking to them at the gallery last week - after that young man made the fuss over the statues. ROY Oh. Bert and Ernie. GWYNNETH Vivienne IS a female. I've known her for years. ROY The way they dress, who could tell? And who would care? GWYNNETH Dare I ask what 'the statue whisperer' had to say? ROY She said they were crying out for help, blah blah blah. GWYNNETH Oh, good, now we have two loonies who believe the statues are somehow alive. ROY Oh, and she apparently hates my work too. GWYNNETH [joking] Well. Then she must be normal. MUSIC SCENE 7 SOUND HEAVY DOOR OPENING ROY [echoey] Hello? SOUND ECHOEY FOOTSTEPS, SECOND HEAVY DOOR OPENING ROY Hello? I know you're in here. ARTURO [distant sigh, then, off] Come on, then - to the left. SOUND HESITANT ECHOEY FOOTSTEPS, ANOTHER HEAVY DOOR ROY Isn't it a bit dark in here for a studio? ARTURO [still distant] You want light? SOUND LOUD RUSTLE OF CANVAS, as a heavy curtain swoops to the side. ROY [reacts to sudden brightness] Jeez! Good thing I'm not a vampire. ARTURO [close] You come to steal my secrets? ROY [jumps, then laughs] Not my style. I sculpt from garbage. ARTURO [disdainful] Yes. I have noticed. So why? ROY You interest me. ARTURO I thought you were sleeping with our blonde gallery owner. ROY Um, and you're seeing the supermodel. So? ARTURO Not that kind of interest? ROY [reacts, then] Not very sociable, eh? ARTURO Hmm. Perhaps that is why my place here is unlisted and no one visits me. You have explained a lot. Feel free to leave. ROY [beat] I don't see any materials - working on anything? ARTURO I am planning. I don't sculpt here. It is much too noisy. ROY The sculpting? ARTURO The city. [beat] And the work. ROY Your work is very detailed. Do you model from life or photos? ARTURO [a bit odd] From life. ROY How do you find your models? ARTURO Anyone can be a model. [a bit threatening] Perhaps I should ... immortalize ... you? ROY I'm not that cute. ARTURO [uncomfortably close] You don't see yourself clearly. You're a perfect type - strong, but not silent. Yet-- SOUND CELLPHONE RINGS ROY That's me. Sorry. SOUND CELLPHONE ON ROY 'lo? Yeah, I'm there now. No, won't be long. SOUND CELLPHONE HANGS UP, TURNS OFF ROY Sorry about that. ARTURO [backed off] Of course. You are interested in my work - My next major project is a woman. That is all you will know. Now leave me. SCENE 8 MUSIC SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS APPROACH, COMPUTER NOISES ROY I've been doing some googling-- GWYNNETH [slightly off] You don't even look up. I could be anyone. A serial killer? ROY Reflection in the screen. GWYNNETH [close up] Oh, well, then. [hug and kiss noise] So what have you been googling? ROY Turning people to stone. GWYNNETH [sigh] Oh god, not Arturo again? ROY He creeped me out. I'm not sure if he was about to kiss me or stab me. And when he said his next project was a woman - all I could think about was that poor blind girl. GWYNNETH Yes. [mock sympathy] Poor little skinny bitch blind supermodel. ROY Right. So, disregarding the E-L-O song, there are myths all over the place about people being turned to stone. Gorgons, Basilisks-- GWYNNETH Medusa-- ROY --yeah, gorgons-- GWYNNETH What? ROY Medusa's a gorgon. Like Dracula's a vampire. GWYNNETH Fine, so I slept through my classical education. What have you come up with, then? ROY Disregarding the mythological crap, then, there are a number of fictional stories dealing with it. GWYNNETH Why disregard the mythical crap? ROY Right. Have you seen any women wandering around New York with snakes for hair? Or a giant lizard? GWYNNETH Hmm. [shrug] It is New York. So you lean towards fiction as being more reliable? ROY When you put it that way... GWYNNETH What's the front runner, then? ROY [very serious] Some sort of alchemical process or machine that changes flesh to stone. [laughs] But it's still nuts. SOUND LAST COUPLE OF KEYS BEING HIT GWYNNETH If you're so creeped out by him, perhaps I should send him on his way. ROY Nah. GWYNNETH Good. He sells. [teasing] Unlike some... ROY Most of your art crowd creeps me out. A little. GWYNNETH And me--? ROY Definitely. [chuckle] Not. SOUND SMOOCHING SCENE 9 MUSIC GWYNNETH [talking on phone] --shipped out first thing. Crating and handling will be fairly expensive-- [some talk] --very heavy, yes. SOUND TAP ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS QUIETLY GWYNNETH [covers phone, whispers] just a second. [back to phone] I'll email you the invoice, and that should go out this afternoon. SOUND PHONE HANGS UP GWYNNETH Can I help you? VIVIENNE I hate to bother you, but-- [deep breath] GWYNNETH Nonsense. Have a seat. SOUND CHAIR SHIFTS VIVIENNE Could you perhaps see your way to telling me how to find that sculptor? The one who does the truly amazing marble statues? GWYNNETH [muttered] Not another one. VIVIENNE Huh? You see, Robert-- that fellow asked him to model, and being the narcissist that he is, he was entirely unable to refuse-- GWYNNETH Oh. Um, I might be able to-- VIVIENNE I don't want to make any trouble, but his partner, you know, blames me-- SCENE A1 MUSIC AMBIANCE NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY ROY Hello? PENELOPE [off, musical] Just a moment! SOUND RATTLE OF BEAD CURTAIN, FOOTSTEPS PENELOPE [over the top] Welcome to-- [tone change] oh, it's you. Come to sneer? ROY [soft laugh] No. I wanted to ask you a few questions. PENELOPE You saw my sign - it's all entertainment. ROY It also said this-- SOUND SLAP OF MONEY ON TABLE ROY --buys me an hour of your time. PENELOPE [sigh] It's your dime. SOUND MONEY SNATCHED UP PENELOPE One of many, if I recall your money line. ROY I want to know what put you onto the statues. Did a guy named Hank Norton hire you? PENELOPE Hire? You think I've been paid-- ROY Were you? PENELOPE [sigh] Yeah, I really love making an ass of myself in public. Tscha. If I was that much of a masochist, I'd'a taken up mime. You may not believe it, but I truly felt something in there. ROY Screaming? PENELOPE It's not that specific. I have to exaggerate - to translate - when I tell people about my "feelings." They only want to believe things they can relate to. I felt ... unease. Fear. [sigh] A definite flavor of more than one mind. ROY You were in a crowded gallery. PENELOPE More than one mind in distress. Since then- [breaks off] ROY Yes? PENELOPE Can you do me a huge favor? ROY Maybe. PENELOPE Can you try to hold your laughter until you're back out on the street? ROY I think so. PENELOPE I've been having dreams. ROY [snort] PENELOPE [warning noise] I couldn't move. And I couldn't feel anything - but I could see. I could even hear. And be afraid. It was - fear was the biggest part of it. [beat] You seem to be with me so far-- ROY Yes. PENELOPE Well, here's where I'll lose you. I don't usually feel things in words, but in flavors, and colors, and textures. ROY Like auras? PENELOPE No. It's - like with you, I taste brick and brown, and smell the tang of old wires. ROY [uneasy] Whatever. Get on with it. PENELOPE The feeling in my dream - the flavor of it, if you will - was identical to what I felt at the gallery. SCENE a2 MUSIC ROY [off, calling] Gwyn? VIVIENNE [muffled] Eh? ROY [coming on] Gwyn? [muttered] Oh, it's Bert. Or Ernie. VIVIENNE Hmm? She's out. Asked me to run some numbers for her. You didn't realize I have skills beyond those of mere mortal critics? ROY [snarky] You'd have to. VIVIENNE Look. Maybe you can help me - Gwyn seems to put a lot of faith in you, despite your obvious attitude problems. ROY [snort] VIVIENNE Robert - you recall Robert? Well, he's gone missing, ever since agreeing to model for Arturo, and I don't know what to-- ROY He probably just went off with someone. VIVIENNE He wouldn't-- ROY And you're such a judge? VIVIENNE I know Robert-- ROY I thought he was into guys. VIVIENNE [really mad] That does not make him a slut who would run off without a word. ROY [backing down a bit] Ok, fine. You know your friend. But everyone has a dark side. VIVIENNE True. [quick, stabbing] Why do you hate yourself? ROY What? What are you, a shrink? VIVIENNE There's a lot of psychology in art. Your work says a great deal about you. Self loathing fairly screams from every line. ROY [still trying to brush her off, but with an edge] Maybe why it doesn't sell. VIVIENNE I didn't say it wasn't brilliant - it is. It's much too powerful for most people. They see what you show them, but don't know how to handle it. ROY You should meet that psychic. You'll get on like a house on fire. VIVIENNE Marines? ROY [sharp] What? VIVIENNE Special forces? You either saw action or spent a lot of time in prison. You don't have the stance of an abused child. ROY Look lady-- VIVIENNE Or the tats of a career criminal-- ROY Shut up! VIVIENNE Those are the main ways to reach such a depth of hatred for yourself-- SOUND A COUPLE OF QUICK FOOTSTEPS ROY [close] Is there a point to this? VIVIENNE [not backing down] I needed to show you I understand people. You. Gwynneth. And Robert. And he wouldn't go off and leave Gregoire without a word like that. ROY Ok, I believe you. Get the fuck out. VIVIENNE First, tell me how to find Arturo. If you don't care what happened to Robert, I do. ROY What makes you think I know how to find him? [beat] All right. SOUND SCRIBBLING, PAPER TEARS ROY Here. SOUND FOOTSTEPS RECEDE, THEN STOP VIVIENNE [slightly off] She doesn't care, you know. ROY [tries not to respond, then] What? VIVIENNE Gwynneth. She knows you, and for some reason she still loves you. SCENE a3 MUSIC GWYNNETH She really said--? ROY [uncertain] She was full of it. GWYNNETH Well, if that looney's psych-ee sense is right, and they are cursed, at least they're not my problem - all six of them have sold for huge amounts, and I've a list of commission requests as long as my arm to pass on to Arturo as soon as he gets back in contact. ROY Have you checked out his so-called studio? GWYNNETH He never told me where it is. ROY I was there. GWYNNETH You beast! ROY I guess I forgot to mention it. Money does have some privileges. SCENE a4 MUSIC SOUND STEALTHY FEET. EVERYTHING ECHOES SLIGHTLY GWYNNETH [whispered] This is madness. ROY You're the one who spotted Vivienne's car. GWYNNETH Doesn't mean we needed to break in. ROY It was unlocked. No breaking. SOUND RUNNING FEET APPROACH, SLIGHTLY MUFFLED ROY Stay back, someone's-- SOUND FEET ARE CLEAR VIVIENNE [panting, then gasps in muffled terror] SOUND FEET COME TO AN ABRUPT STOP GWYNNETH Viv? VIVIENNE [gasping, trying to calm down] We need to get out of here - call the police! GWYNNETH What? Why? VIVIENNE It's Robert! A statue! There's no way he could have carved so fast-- SOLANGE [far off scream] VIVIENNE [gasp] He's doing something terrible to her, too--! ROY You get out of here - I'll see what I can do-- GWYNNETH Yes, get going. SCENE a5 SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR ROY [to Gwyn] You too. GWYNNETH Nonsense. You stop him, I'll help her-- SOUND THEIR SNEAKING FOOTSTEPS ARTURO [off, calling] You think you can get away? Darling? If you hide, it just makes me angry. GWYNNETH We can at least see what's coming at us. ROY That's not always a good thing. SOUND DISTANT DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN ARTURO [off] Here? No? GWYNNETH I plan to stare death in the face and spit in its-- SOLANGE [off, whimper] GWYNNETH Shh! Did you hear that? ROY [moving off] Over here— SOUND CUPBOARD DOOR OPENS SOLANGE [gasp] Who ees thees? GWYNNETH It's all right. We'll get you out. Feel my hand? ROY He's getting closer. GWYNNETH I've got her. Up you come. ROY We need to move. SOLANGE Are wee neer zee door say ehkseet? GWYNNETH Exit? [looking around] Oh, yes – there. Come on. SOUND CAREFUL FOOTSTEPS, DOOR QUIETLY OPENS, THEN STARTS TO CLOSE BEHIND THEM GWYNNETH Roy? ROY Get her out of here. I'm going to stop Arturo. GWYNNETH Roy! SOUND GRAB, RUSTLE, KISS ROY Get clear. SOUND DOOR SHUTS SCENE a6 SOUND QUIET CAREFUL FOOTSTEPS ARTURO [off, calling] Come out, come out? SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, OFF SOUND ROY'S FOOTSTEPS STOP ARTURO [Getting closer] There is no place to run to— SOUND A's FOOTSTEPS APPROACH ARTURO Don't make this any more difficult-- SOUND SCUFFLE. GRUNTS. BODY FALLS ROY [whispering, close, puffing a little] Not difficult at all. [chuckle] SOUND HANDCUFFS RATCHET, SLAP SHUT ARTURO [puffing, hard to breathe] And Solange? ROY Out of your reach. ARTURO [wheezy evil chuckle] In reach of your young lady, though. [laughs again] ROY What? ARTURO Don't worry - you still can get away. ROY [dawns on him] Shit! SOUND BODY DRAGS, DOOR OPENS ROY [Grunt as he shoves Arturo into a closet] SCENE a7 SOUND DOOR SLAMS, LOCKS, HURRIED FOOTSTEPS ROY [edge of panic] Gwyn? You here? GWYNNETH [muffled gasp of pain, distant] SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ROY Where are you? SOLANGE [off, too sweetly] Over heere. SOUND BANKS OF LIGHTS COME ON, ONE AT A TIME SOUND FOOTSTEPS SLOW, CAUTIOUS ROY You can't hide in the light— SOLANGE [closer] I 'ave no weesh to. I hwant you to see— GWYNNETH [off] Roy! Get out! Get the police! Don't— [breaks off with a long gasp] SOLANGE [off] Are hyou zee hero? Cohm and geet her. Hyou might steel sehv her. SOUND FOOTSTEPS STOP ROY [very sotto] Shit. [up] I've got Arturo – let's make a trade. SOLANGE Heez a tool. I can find anozzer. ROY What? You--? SOLANGE [disparaging] Zee great arteest. A mere saylzman. He is un‑eemportant. Come out and aye weel no hert her more. GWYNNETH [gasp] Get out, Roy— [ends in a hiccup of pain] ROY Gwyn, whatever you do, keep your eyes shut – can you do that? GWYNNETH [fights to make an affirmative sound] SOLANGE So you Zink you noh somezeeng? Come clozer, man. [kissing noise, like summoning a dog] I could reemov her eyeleedz, you know. It is chust zo – barbareec. GWYNNETH [High squeal] ROY Why? I mean, why do it? What are you? SOLANGE Stop moveeng! Hwonce, we wayr feered and worshipp-ed. GWYNNETH [gaspy] So now you're a supermodel - what's the diff-- [gasp] SOLANGE Hyou ask why I turn peepul to stone? ROY [muttered] Just a bit closer. [up] Yeah, what's the deal? SOLANGE Chust for the look on zayr face! [laughs merrily, then gasps] Ow! SOUND SCUFFLE, THEN QUICK FEET SOLANGE You Beech! You BEET mee! GWYNNETH Come on! SOUND RUNNING FEET SOLANGE [going off] You cannot geet away! SCENE a8 SOUND FOOTSTEPS RUNNING MADLY, SLAM THROUGH SEVERAL SETS OF DOORS, FOOTSTEPS STOP BOTH [breathing hard, Gwynneth gasping a bit in pain] ROY Sorry. GWYNNETH Let's get out, then you can apologize all over me. ROY [chuckle] SOUND HIT BAR ON NEXT DOOR. IT WON'T MOVE. ROY Shit! SOUND POUNDING ON DOOR, TRYING TO MAKE IT OPEN SOUND BEHIND THEM, A DISTANT SET OF DOORS SLAMS OPEN ROY Shit!! GWYNNETH What is it? ROY She's a gorgon – medusa. That's why she always wears the shades- Whatever you do, don't look in her eyes. SOUND ANOTHER DISTANT SET OF DOORS SOUND PUSHING ON THE NEAR DOOR. NO LUCK ROY [almost giving up] shit. GWYNNETH [strangely calm] We're trapped? ROY She did it. Just like this. Hunted them down and caught them - no wonder they all look so damn scared. GWYNNETH Well... [gasp] hold me? At least that way, we end up a statue together. ROY [chuckle dissolves into gasping sob] SOUND LAST DOOR BUT ONE SLAMS OPEN. FOOTSTEPS CAN BE HEARD COMING CLOSER ROY [deep breath] Do you trust me? GWYNNETH Of course. I love you. ROY I – I love you, too. GWYNNETH I know. I – SOUND LAST DOOR SLAMS OPEN. SLOW OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS, SLITHERY NOISES ACCOMPANY HER ARRIVAL GWYNNETH [Scream of agony] SCENE a9 MUSIC AMBIANCE GALLERY. BUZZ. MUSIC. GORDIE Is that the owner? Seems funny to run a gallery, being blind and all. VIVIENNE [sounding older, wiser] She trusts my judgment. GORDIE Was she born blind? VIVIENNE Oh, no – there's a tragic story there. GORDIE Do tell! VIVIENNE Some years back, our dear hostess was madly in love – you've seen the statue in the corner near her office? GORDIE That fabulous marble of the hunk? Sylvester said it was the last piece Arturo ever sculpted. VIVIENNE The – model – for that was the man she loved. GORDIE [a little bitchy] Oh, how sweet, and she keeps it to remind her of him? VIVIENNE He was the one who put her eyes out. END

Exit Strategy by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 9, 2023 28:24

Gamers on their way to a convention run afoul of violent criminals on the run. Can they use their "skillz" to survive? [warning - some violence, language, and mature situations] Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Abby - Beverly Poole Mark - Brian Lomatewama Justin - Mathias Rebne Morgan Brianna - Lyndsey Thomas Tyler - Michael Faigenblum Clark - Brandon O'Brien News Report - Gwendolyn Gieseke-Woodard Man - Bill Hollweg Music of DARKEST OF THE HILLSIDE THICKETS! used with permission Show theme and Incidental Music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a van on a road in the middle of nowhere, can't you tell?" _______________________________________ EXIT STRATEGY Cast: Mark - Game Master, in a wheelchair Abby - strategy girl Justin - the driver, Mark's brother Brianna - nurse, dating Tyler Tyler - wiry LARPer, dating Brianna Clark - a criminal Thug - another criminal SOUND FOOTSTEPS OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a car on a stretch of road in the middle of nowhere, can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND INSIDE CAR NOISES SOUND Music plays on the radio SOUND "BING" FROM THE DASHBOARD SOUND Justin turns down the stereo JUSTIN We're riding E. [up] Eyes peeled for a gas station, everybody! MARK Hey, Justin, remember when it used to be sooo cool to cross the state line? JUSTIN Yeah - some things just lose their charm as you get older, little bro. MARK And can drink legally in your own state... ABBY Don't drink and game. It dulls your edge. JUSTIN You've got enough edge for all of us, Abby. BRIANNA [slightly off, giggles] I would too. TYLER [slightly off] That is so great. You are so great. ABBY You do realize we can hear you? JUSTIN Keep it clean back there. I'll lose my damage deposit on the van if it comes back stained. BRIANNA Ew! We were just-- TYLER [defiant] I was just telling Bree that if she ever got possessed by a demon, I would totally kill her. BRIANNA [squeaky] Isn't that sweet? ABBY [baffled] Yeah. [whispered] What do you think brought on this declaration of undying love? JUSTIN Tyler brought his DVD player. I think they're watching Evil Dead. ABBY Oh. [that explains it] MARK You guys are all going to help with the "Super Five" tournament, right? I can count on you? ABBY Well-- MARK Well? ABBY [hesitant] I was checking, and the final round of the "AfterBlast" championship is in the same time slot. MARK [excited] You really think you have a chance? ABBY Hell yeah. I plan to kick ass and take names. MARK That rocks. JUSTIN I-- I noticed you were the only - um - ABBY Discernibly female? JUSTIN Yeah, that - name on the semi-finals roster. ABBY Yup. Time to represent. MUSIC JUSTIN Pit stop! MARK Man, you are this close to losing your deposit. JUSTIN Shit. Your chair's packed! BRIANNA I got you, Mark. SOUND DOOR SLIDES OPEN, SHIFTING SOUNDS AS SHE GETS OUT SOUND FRONT DOOR OPENS BRIANNA Come on, then. TYLER [teasing, going off] No groping my girl, now. MARK Hey! My hand slipped. Once. BRIANNA Girl. [snort] I am a woman. [grunts as she gets Mark on her back] OK, hold on. Tyler, got the door? TYLER [off] Getting it! SOUND QUICK FOOTSTEPS ON CONCRETE SOUND DOOR OPENS. MEN'S ROOM SOUND FLUSH, STALL DOOR OPENS MAN Hey! You can't be in here! BRIANNA Puh-lease. I'm a nurse. Almost. [sarcastic] And you should get that looked at. MUSIC AMBIANCE NIGHTTIME ROAD, VERY QUIET MUSIC VERY QUIET ON THE STEREO JUSTIN [quiet] Hey Abby? ABBY [quiet, tired] Hmm? JUSTIN Just wanted to see if you're awake. ABBY Really? Nice of you to check. JUSTIN Well... I'm not sure how much farther it is to the motel, and I was starting to fade a bit. Help keep me on the road? ABBY [half yawning] Sure. What's on your mind? JUSTIN Any chance you and I - you know - sometime? ABBY [half a laugh] I've sworn a blood oath not to date any man who can't beat me in a fair game of AfterBlast. JUSTIN Really? ABBY Something like that. No offense, OK? You're nice. But we're kind of different worlds. JUSTIN I used to game-- ABBY Used to. You traded in your dice for the corporate world. JUSTIN It's not that bad-- [sudden change] Whoah. ABBY What? JUSTIN Nothing. Just - there's headlights behind us. They weren't there a minute ago. ABBY Must have come round a corner. SOUND CREAK, TURN ABBY [turned to look] Hmm. How fast are we going? JUSTIN Why? ABBY They're catching up. Should I wake everybody? JUSTIN Well... if there's a crash, they're better off asleep. Relaxed. It's a fact - why drunks walk away more often-- ABBY It's still coming. Can we get off the road? JUSTIN There just isn't any place to go! The ditches are ... gaping black chasms! ABBY What's our speed? JUSTIN Seventy. So far. SOUND GROWLING ROAR, GETTING CLOSER ABBY How much can you push a minivan? JUSTIN Don't know. It's a rental. ABBY All right. [thinking] Turn off the headlights. JUSTIN What? ABBY There's a good moon - the road is straight as far as I can see right now - can you hold the wheel straight while you're blinded? SOUND ROARING REVVING APPROACHES JUSTIN I... guess-- yes. SOUND HEADLIGHTS TURN OFF JUSTIN [heavy breathing] ABBY Once our eyes adjust, we can look for a turnoff - in the dark, with the headlights, we won't see it until it's too late. JUSTIN Does that work? ABBY I don't know. Yes! There, to the left, a road. JUSTIN We're going too fast! ABBY Start the turn early, and run in at an angle. It should work. MARK [half asleep] Yeah, the roll factors are considerably less-- JUSTIN Roll factors? MARK "Street Wars," core manual. The turn gauge modifiers. JUSTIN Whatever, here we go! SOUND SCREECH MUSIC AMBIANCE OUTSIDE SOUND TICKING OF THE ENGINE MARK I'm suitably impressed. JUSTIN Thanks. Me too. ABBY It worked! JUSTIN A flat tire-- ABBY Just one. MARK --is not bad, all things considered. ABBY [encouraging] Besides you missed the ditch, and the car didn't even flip. MUSIC SOUND ON THE ROAD AGAIN TYLER Doesn't this whole thing remind anyone of a movie? JUSTIN Movie? What, Texas Chainsaw Massacre? ABBY Wo! We do have the right carload for leatherface. MARK Hey, Justin, don't pick up any strangers, kay? I don't wanna be the first to die. TYLER No.... OK, think. A brother and sister in a car, in the middle of nowhere-- BRIANNA [helping] In the middle of the day-- TYLER Run off the road by a huge spooky truck--? Hmm? MARK That wasn't a truck. ABBY It wasn't? MARK While you guys were watching the road, I watched it go by - It was big and square-- TYLER A truck. MARK No. Better than that - I saw words on the side. BRIANNA A truck? MARK [sigh] Nope. I must have made a perfect success on my perception roll, though - it was an armored car. JUSTIN In the middle of the night? In the middle of nowhere? ABBY Radio. There must be something. SOUND RADIO ON, SURF CHANNELS, STOP ON AN AD MARK I like N-P-R. ABBY News channel, bub. [Moment just listening.] JUSTIN OK, enough with the ads - give us some news. TYLER If this was a movie, the minute we switched over, the news bulletin would come on right then. Cheesy, eh? BRIANNA It's just a genre convention - a way of condensing all this boring time spent listening to-- JUSTIN Shh. SOUND TURNS VOLUME UP NEWS ...the third armored car hijacking this year, and the second one with fatalities. Three security guards were injured in the attack-- JUSTIN Wow. We should call someone. ABBY Already on it. SOUND CELL PHONE BEEPS ABBY Damn. No reception. NEWS --two are in critical condition. Pursuers lost the car in a high speed chase when the hijackers realized they were being tracked and dumped the onboard GPS at the side of the road. JUSTIN Well, the motel must be close. They'll have a phone. NEWS Police believe that one of the hijackers may have been injured in the attack... SOUND CLICK RADIO OFF - no music here MARK I thought we were supposed to reach it by ten? JUSTIN Well, with all you small bladdered people, we had a lot more potty breaks than I allowed for. And, o'course, getting run off the road... Changing the tire... TYLER There was that. BRIANNA Think your Uncle Joey'll give us a discount for coming in so late - half the night, half price? TYLER I'll ask him. [yawns] In the morning, though. MUSIC SOUND CAR, SNORING FROM ALL BUT JUSTIN SOUND BUMP, THEN CAR PULLS TO A STOP JUSTIN [trying to stay awake noise] Holy crap, I think we're here. ABBY [waking] Mmm? Oh good... JUSTIN One moment and I'll go and check in... ABBY No, I'll get it. Gotta pee anyway. Small bladder. [yawns] All that. JUSTIN [receding] I didn't mean.... SOUND CAR DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, DOOR, BELL JINGLES ABBY Hello? Hello? SOUND RINGS DESK BELL SOUND DOOR OPENS SOMEWHERE ABBY [calling] Look, I'm sorry to be coming in so late! We had car trouble. Can we get a room? [beat] Hello? SOUND FLUSH OF A TOILET ABBY [needs to pee] Oh, jeez. [deep shaky breath] Hello? SOUND DOOR OPENS CLARK Hey. Sorry about that. I was catching a few. You want a room? ABBY Yeah, my friends and I - if you have a room with a couple of queens, we'll be fine. CLARK Uh, sure. Probably. [looking around] Nobody really here, tonight. ABBY Could we have the one out on the end, then? CLARK Don't see why not... um... ABBY Says here it's room 14. CLARK There you go. [unconvincing laugh] So tired my eyes won't focus. SOUND KEY SLAPPED ON TABLE ABBY How much? CLARK Oh, pay when you leave. ABBY Hmm. Are you Joey? CLARK Joey who? ABBY [sharp intake of breath, then faking being ditzy] Sorry - you look a lot like the cousin of a friend of mine. CLARK I get that a lot. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENS ABBY Oh, can I use your bathroom? It's kind of an emergency. CLARK [too sharp] No! I mean, sorry - no can do. Absolutely against policy. Too bad you didn't get a room closer in, eh? ABBY [flat, suspicious] Yeah. SOUND DOOR SHUTS, JINGLE MUSIC SOUND HOTEL ROOM DOOR SHUTS, FEET STUMBLE AROUND, BAGS DOWN, ETC. SOUND BODY FLOPS ONTO BED JUSTIN I am dead. As driver, I call a bed. SOUND WHEELCHAIR ROLLS MARK I'm with you. SOUND FLUSH BRIANNA I suppose Abby and I should share the... other...? I thought she said the room would have two beds? SOUND DOOR OPENS ABBY That clerk didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Did you park right next to the door Justin? JUSTIN [half moan] Yes. Why? ABBY I have a bad feeling about all this. TYLER Any chance it has something to do with all the spooky movie talk in the car? BRIANNA And the guy who ran us off the road? ABBY Maybe. JUSTIN Well, unless you're ready to drive - and pay for the extra insurance - We're not moving from this spot until I wake up. ABBY But the clerk - there was something wrong there. Really. God, for a chance at a spot hidden roll. MARK [more awake] Describe him. BRIANNA [groans] Come on - it's beddy-bye time! MARK Abby's got good instincts, Bree. You know how hard it is for me to fool her. ABBY That's just in game. I'm not-- JUSTIN [half asleep, but trying] But you are the only girl-- BRIANNA [half-hearted] Woman. JUSTIN --to make it into the ... strategic final thingee-- ABBY Ok. Shit I'm tired. [long deep thinking breath] He wouldn't let me use the bathroom. He didn't try and hit on me. Didn't know which number room was the one on the end. Didn't ask how many "we" were. Didn't know which rooms have queen beds. Didn't ask for a credit card. TYLER So? He's dead tired too. Big whoop. It's [looks] 2 freaking 55 in the morning. MARK Jeez, folks, we've had sessions which went long past 3! What's wrong with you? JUSTIN [muttered into the pillow] Getting old. MARK Yeah. You 25-year old over the hill codger, you. Abby, what would you do now? ABBY What? MARK This is the scenario. Right here. What would you do? TYLER Sleep. BRIANNA Seconded. JUSTIN [Snoring] MARK Assume it's unlikely we can drive out of here - at least not conveniently. How would you secure the room? ABBY [perking up] We could set watches-- TYLER [mumbled] Screw you! ABBY I can't watch all night. Adrenaline is only good for so long. MARK That guy struck you that bad? ABBY Yeah. I'm probably just-- MARK Let's assume otherwise. We have a map - of sorts - on the door there. Take a look. ABBY I - well, I got the room on the end, since we'd have a better chance of seeing or hearing anyone coming. MARK [chuckles] ABBY I can't help it. I'm already in strategy mode. Ok, the room has windows at the front and back and a bathroom that abuts the next room. No windows in the end wall. If we could keep an eye either side-- SOUND FEET ON CARPET, CURTAIN PULLED ASIDE, THEN WHIPPED BACK INTO PLACE. ABBY Oh, shit. MARK What? ABBY God, I hope no one saw the light. MARK I'll turn it off. Let them think we're asleep. SOUND CLICK OF SWITCH MARK Now? ABBY It's the truck - car - whatever! The one that almost ran us off the road! MARK [gasps] Are you sure? ABBY Come and look! MARK I believe you. We need everyone if this is a real situation. Shit. ABBY There's woods - cover - right out back. If Tyler was up, he could go look. MARK He's not going to be up any time soon. ABBY I know what will-- I'm going to take a chance and get my other bag from the car. I'll see what I can see. MARK I'll try the phone-- ABBY No! MARK Why? ABBY Switchboard - I saw a switchboard in the office. MARK Shit. Major "notice," though. Good one. SOUND DOOR OPENS MARK Abby? ABBY I'll be careful. MARK [encouraging] I'm glad it's you. SOUND DOOR SOFTLY CLOSES MARK Shit. SOUND A moment of just snoring MUSIC CREEPS IN, JUST A BIT MARK [snorty, "almost fell asleep" noise] Abby? What time--? Shit. SOUND WHEELCHAIR SHIFTS MARK [urgent hiss] Justin! Wake up, dammit! JUSTIN Wha--? MARK Wake Up! SOUND DOOR OPENS QUICKLY, FEET COME IN, DOOR SHUTS AGAIN MARK God! You nearly gave me a heart attack! ABBY Sorry - I spotted someone out in the parking lot, just after I got in the van, and I didn't want to move again until it was clear. JUSTIN [almost awake] What's going on? ABBY I'll get Tyler up. MARK Go for it. I doubt you'll have much luck. ABBY Ah, but I have a secret weapon - I always pack a sixer with me to gaming cons. SOUND SLOSHING OF LIQUID MARK [almost drooling] Energy shots. ABBY Un-huh. It may take a minute or two, but we'll get everyone up and running. MUSIC TYLER All you had to do was shout "Bob! Bob is coming!" and I woulda been up and running without the taste of ass - Bob was the demon in the larp last weekend, and man was he-- MARK Shush. EVERYONE [Murmurs of assent] MARK Let's assume this is not a drill. EVERYONE [a bit undecided murmurs] ABBY I know there's something odd here. I feel it. JUSTIN Are you sure you're not just jittery about the tourney? ABBY Probably am, but that doesn't make me think I'm wrong. BRIANNA [Still groggy] What do you want us to do? MARK Tyler, are you up for something that could be really dangerous? TYLER Hell yeah. BRIANNA [cautioning] Tyler? TYLER Well, how dangerous? MARK Abby? ABBY Out the back window of the room, I think I saw that armored car that nearly ran us down. It's parked in a dark spot. If it's really the one, and there's any chance it's the same one that was stolen, there's a good chance we've walked in on a den of thieves. We need to know. Can you get within range of it and have a look? TYLER Gimme a second. SOUND FEET. CURTAIN MOVES BRIANNA When you say "really dangerous"--? MARK They already killed a couple of guys during the holdup. I can't see them hesitating at shooting a few more bystanders. BRIANNA Tyler? ABBY Bree, I've Larped with him, and if anyone can really sneak, it's Folemon. BRIANNA But that's his character! ABBY In live action games, there are things you either can do or you can't, and sneaking is‑‑ TYLER [voice slightly different - "in character" as Folemon] I spy the brigands' carriage. I will hence and reconnoiter. BRIANNA Be careful. TYLER Fair maiden, with you to return to, I cannot fail. [kiss on hand] Douse the lanterns, lest my shadow betray me! MUSIC SOUND LIGHT TAPPING NOISE, WHICH GOES ON THROUGHOUT JUSTIN What are you doing? ABBY What does it look like? I'm checking for trap doors. JUSTIN You're joking. BRIANNA Didn't you see that movie Vacancy? There was a trapdoor in the bathroom floor. ABBY That was so annoying. They were so stupid about that. JUSTIN About what? ABBY Did you see the movie? JUSTIN Well, no. ABBY They could have easily blocked the hatch. But they didn't and ended up fighting guys popping up out of it. BRIANNA They couldn't block it - they tried. There wasn't any heavy furniture. ABBY [derisive laugh] What do you call this? SOUND DULL THUMP JUSTIN A mattress. ABBY Have you ever had to move one? From a dead lift? And if that's not enough, the trapdoor was right next to the tub - you just soak the damn thing and no one - not even Schwarzenegger-- BRIANNA Well, back in his prime-- ABBY Is going to be able to shift it. JUSTIN You ...actually ...thought about this? ABBY [matter of fact] It's what I do. SOUND KNOCKING BRIANNA Lights out - it's the door. SOUND SCUFFLE OF MOVEMENT BRIANNA Tyler? ABBY Folemon! TYLER [muffled] I return triumphant! SOUND DOOR OPENS AND QUICKLY SHUTS AGAIN, LOCKS TYLER And, I have a prize! SOUND TAP ON SOMETHING METAL SOUND LIGHT CLICKS ON JUSTIN What the--? MARK No, that's good. If we can get to the authorities, we can prove we saw the damn thing. JUSTIN You coulda taken a picture - you think they're not going to notice a missing license plate? TYLER [chuckling, full of himself] I think they'll have other things on their mind. ABBY Oh, god, what did you do? TYLER I had my thieves tool handy-- JUSTIN What? BRIANNA Pocketknife. TYLER So I hobbled their horses. ABBY We need to go now. JUSTIN You did what? BRIANNA He let the air out of their tires. Tyler, sweetie, speak English so I can stop translating. TYLER Hey, what? They won't be able to come after us-- ABBY But they will know someone was spying on their truck. They might not notice the plate, but-- aagh! TYLER I was... um... in the zone? My character would have-- MARK Understandable. Let's deal with it. Were there any other cars out there? TYLER Not out back. MARK Justin? JUSTIN What? MARK Any other cars out front? JUSTIN I didn't notice. Sorry. MARK See what happens when you give up gaming? You lose your edge. You remember anything Abby? ABBY Not in the parking lot. I can take a look. MARK Hold off. What do we have for weapons, if it comes to that? JUSTIN Jack Shit. ABBY Torchiere for a club. BRIANNA No - no heft. ABBY We can wire the doorknob as a last resort - give someone a bitch of a shock. TYLER Shh! [They all do.] SOUND SLIGHT CRUNCH, MIGHT BE FOOT ON GRAVEL MARK Posts. SOUND VERY QUIET MOVEMENT ABBY Uh-uh. BRIANNA shit. MARK The front? BRIANNA Movement. ABBY Window? Door? BRIANNA Distraction. [starts moaning, loudly - very sexy] ABBY Stay out the way of the window. BRIANNA Uhh! [whispered] Watching. [Up] Ohh! TYLER [joins in] JUSTIN You won't be able to hear-- ABBY Neither will they! SOUND WINDOW SLIDES OPEN WITH A PROTESTING SQUEAL ABBY Shit. If we're going out this way, we're doing it sharp and hard. MARK Out front? TYLER [still groaning] BRIANNA Someone's right outside. Ohh! Just a shadow. Ohh! Peeping or about to try something. Ohh! JUSTIN This is insane. This does not happen in real life. MARK Look, bro- you can play along, and worst that happens is you look like an idiot with the rest of us, or you keep saying it can't be real and maybe take a bullet. Why not play along? JUSTIN Shit. What do you need me to do? I am not joining that party. [Moans continue intermittently] MARK Can you see what's at the top of the closet? Usually if there's access to an attic space, that's where it would be. JUSTIN Sure. MARK And you're tall enough. JUSTIN No problem. [suddenly serious] If this is some psycho situation, you know I won't let anyone get you, right, bro? MARK Shithead. Get everyone else out first! I'm the burden - now get in the damn closet. SOUND CLOSET DOOR OPENS ABBY You're not a burden. MARK Physically, I'm a drag on the party. ABBY Mentally, you're the only one keeping us together. So you can just shut up. MARK OK, shutting. BRIANNA He's making a move. MARK Shit. SOUND KNOCK ON THE DOOR BRIANNA [loud] Ooh! Oh, shit! Huh? TYLER [loud] What the fuck? MARK Abby? Where are we? ABBY Tyler, get behind the door. Ready to slam it if you gotta. TYLER Check. SOUND KNOCK AGAIN ABBY Brianna, the torchiere, stay below the window, trip anyone coming in. BRIANNA On it. SOUND KNOCKING INSISTENT ABBY [trying to make up her mind] Door - wall - wall - door. Shit! [deep breath, then calling out] What? SOUND SHIFTING FURNITURE CLARK You all right in there? ABBY What? CLARK I heard a noise. JUSTIN [whispered] See? Normal. ABBY No. At the very least, he's peeping. No way he'd hear anything from the office. [up] Everything's fine. We were watching a movie. MARK Good one. JUSTIN Oh, this is idiotic. SOUND WALKS, UNLOCKS AND FLINGS OPEN DOOR TYLER Hey! ABBY No! SOUND GUNSHOT, BODY DROP JUSTIN [screams in pain] SOUND DOOR SLAMS CLARK [screams in pain] ABBY Bree, can you get the lock, without getting in front of the door - it's crap, but-- BRIANNA Done. Justin - is he--? SOUND LOCK FUMBLED SHUT JUSTIN [sounds more annoyed than hurt] I'm shot. ABBY At least now we know it's not a drill. SOUND GUNSHOT, WINDOW SHATTERS ABBY Down! SOUND BODIES FALL, WHEELCHAIR RATTLES AND TIPS MARK Get him. I'll cover Justin. SOUND CAUTIOUS STEP ON BROKEN GLASS ABBY [scream, distracting him] SOUND FEET TURN ON THE GLASS, GUNSHOT ABBY Bree! BRIANNA Yaaaah! SOUND THUMP - BODY DROPS CLARK Yowtch! ABBY Sit on that bastard. Tyler, check for backup? SOUND HEAVY CRUNCH ON GLASS CLARK [Whimper] TYLER On it. SOUND CAR STARTING TYLER Oh shit - he's in for a surprise. Front's clear. JUSTIN You seem to all be ignoring the fact that I've been shot. MARK I've been applying pressure. JUSTIN To my mouth. MARK oh, yeah, I was supposed to be stopping the part that got shot, not the part that shot off, right. ABBY Brianna, swap - you take a look at Justin, see if we can move him. I'll hold down the ...fort. TYLER Fart. [Snickers all around.] CLARK [Moans, then grunts when Abby turns him over] SOUND CRACKLE OF GLASS UNDER HIS BODY ABBY Need something to tie him with. TYLER Gotcha. Thieves tools to the rescue again. SOUND RIPPING FABRIC - GOES ON FOR A WHILE BRIANNA Tyler, toss me your flint and steel. SOUND CATCH, THEN FLASHLIGHT COMES ON BRIANNA Looks superficial. I was hoping I knocked you down quickly enough, but I wasn't sure. JUSTIN I've been shot. BRIANNA Yes, but not badly. I'll bandage it in a second. TYLER Here's your fifty feet of rope... ABBY Check the back? TYLER I am fleet enough to be in all places at once. SOUND ENGINE STOPS TYLER Oh. ABBY [grunts as she ties a knot] OK, shithead. Talk. CLARK What? ABBY Well, we have your gun. And a pocketknife. You want to choose which one I do you over with? CLARK What? I was just-- ABBY Shooting in through our door? CLARK I thought you were - TYLER Shut up. ABBY No, let him talk. I want to hear this. CLARK Nothing. ABBY Oh, well. How many friends you got out there? CLARK None. ABBY So that's Christine out back? Or are you Knight Rider? CLARK Ow! No - No! Stop! JUSTIN Let me. I'm the one he shot. CLARK No! There's just the two - and B-Ball's shot. ABBY Anyone else? JUSTIN Is this what you were doing? CLARK OWWW! No, no one! ABBY What about the real clerk? CLARK Oh - um - ABBY Right. We need to dump this guy somewhere. TYLER Out back? ABBY Chances are, we can get out the front. JUSTIN Chances? I don't want-- ABBY No worries. Tyler - eyes on the back until I signal, OK? TYLER Sure thing. BRIANNA What now? ABBY We do what we have to do. Mark, you ready to take a chance? MUSIC SOUND OUTSIDE - DOOR OPENS SOUND WHEELCHAIR BUMPS NOISILY OUT THE DOOR ABBY No shots. Good. We're moving out. Justin, you're behind me and the chair - get your ass into the car and start it. We'll pile in, peel out, and worry about belts and seats later. JUSTIN Are you sure this is safe? ABBY Nope. Tyler? Got the rear? TYLER Got it. ABBY Bree, you're first in. I'll cover you. SOUND GUN CLICKS READY BRIANNA Check. Hold tight! SOUND WHEELCHAIR GRINDS ALONG THE GROUND TYLER He's coming! ABBY Everyone - Move! Justin - get it in gear! JUSTIN Yeah... SOUND JINGLE OF KEYS, THEY DROP TO THE GROUND JUSTIN Shit! ABBY Dammit! Bree, get your ass to the other side of the car! SOUND HEAVY FEET RUNNING ON GRAVEL TYLER I'll-- SOUND GUNSHOT ABBY You'll go. Move it. I'll cover you. [solemn] Don't fumble the keys. TYLER I won't. SOUND RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF ACROSS THE GRAVEL, snatch up the keys. SOUND GUNSHOT ABBY [Gasps as she shoots] Damn, that's a kick. SOUND GUNSHOT SOUND CAR DOOR OPENS ABBY Yessss! SOUND ABBY SHOOTS SOUND SIDE DOOR SLIDES OPEN ABBY [yelling] Stop shooting at the crip, you scumbag! You'll be sorry! SOUND WHEELCHAIR MOVES SLOWLY, ODD FOOTSTEPS AS ABBY CROUCHES BEHIND IT ABBY Nice to have friends, isn't it? SOUND GUNSHOT ABBY [yelling] You really should stop that! THUG [evil laugh] ABBY I told him. TYLER Come on! ABBY Bye-bye SOUND WHEELCHAIR PUSHED, ROLLS SOUND GUNSHOT SOUND GRUNT OF PAIN [CLARK] SOUND RUNNING FEET SOUND CAR REVVING SOUND JUMP SOUND GUNSHOT, PINGS OFF METAL OF CAR TYLER [grunting to pull her in] Come on! SOUND CAR MOVES, FEET DRAG BRIANNA Here. SOUND GRAB, DRAG ABBY [grunting] SOUND DOOR SLAMS SOUND TIRES SPIN IN GRAVEL, CAR ZOOMS OFF ABBY [sigh] OK, whose lap am I in? MARK Mine. Sorry about that. ABBY Hey, we're all here, no one got shot-- JUSTIN I did! MARK And we had to dump my chair... ABBY No one got killed, and we're back on the road. I'm gonna feel like shit for the tourney, but who gives a crap? [giggles] [All join in the hysterical relieved laughter.] MUSIC SOUND OUTSIDE ROAD - MORNING NOISES ABBY [waking up noises, suddenly awake with a gasp] MARK [whispering] Shh. It's ok-- SOUND RUSTLE AS SHE TRIES TO SIT UP ABBY Was it - It was a dream? MARK Hell no. But once you passed out, we figured you deserved it. Let you sleep. ABBY Oh... MARK Hey Justin? When's the next bathroom? BRIANNA And a phone. JUSTIN Like anyone's gonna believe us. BRIANNA You did get shot. TYLER And I still have my trophy. SOUND PING AGAINST METAL OF LICENSE PLATE MARK Shh. Abby's out again. ABBY Hmm? [rousing herself] Like hell! Justin? Crank the music!! END

god time english woman talk energy news holy watching normal wake front shit dvd gotta gps gamers eyes thieves screw evil dead texas chainsaw massacre no no crank exit strategy relaxed cheesy snickers adrenaline mmm thug vacancy bball knight rider ohh shh reissue peeping moans larpers uncle joey douse pursuers mark you justin oh mark no mark yeah julie hoverson mark tyler justin tyler nocturne boulevard tyler tyler mark let mark they justin it justin yeah justin you mark see mark hey mark out justin there

When Yellow Casts a Crimson Shadow by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 3, 2023 31:00

Thanks for your patience! Winter is tough. ______________________________________________ This episode includes graphic violence, archiac psychiatric attitudes and terminology, gaslighting, and misogyny. It was written intentionally to emulate the style of Italian "GIALLO" thriller films of the 1970s and 80s. ______________________________________________ Hot chicks in peril, black leather-gloved killer, faces through plate glass, badly-dubbed voices, and lots and lots of the red stuff! Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Dr. Silver - Anthony D.P. Mann Jessica - Julie Hoverson Adrienne - Robyn Keyes Dana - Kate Waterous Chris - Tanja Milojevic Inspector Gules - Glen Hallstrom Manager - Dru Williams Voice on Phone - Lord Blood-Rah Cop1 - Desmond Reddick (Dread Media) Cop2 - Miguel Guerreiro (FearShop.com) Coroner - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Detective - Caretaker (Graveyard Show) Music: Professor Kliq Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a psychiatrist's office, can't you tell?" ________________________________________ WHEN YELLOW CASTS A CRIMSON SHADOW Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Jessica Dr. Silver Dana Adrienne Chris Detective Gules Manager Voice Cop1 Cop2 Detective Coroner OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a psychiatrist's office, can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND LOW MUSIC PLAYS SOUND DOOR OPENS JESSICA Dr. Silver? SILVER Ah, you must be Jessica. Come in! Come in. Your father has spoken of you often. JESSICA Mm. He told me to come to you if I.... needed anything. SILVER Come in! Sit down! I can't tactfully say I am pleased to see you, but I can heartily say I am most happy to make your acquaintance. JESSICA Oh. Yeah. Thanks. SOUND DOOR SHUTS QUIETLY, SHE CROSSES ROOM AND SITS SILVER There. Now tell me what I can do for you. JESSICA Since I moved to Florence, I've - I've been doing really well. Sleeping. Even without the drugs. SILVER You haven't been taking your prescriptions? JESSICA My doctor back home said I could cut back some - once I started feeling better. SILVER Your doctor--? JESSICA Dr. Gelb. Joan Gelb? SILVER Ah, yes, I am familiar with some of her work. Go on. JESSICA Go... on? SILVER You had a reason for coming to me, didn't you? JESSICA Oh! Yes. [very down] The dreams. SILVER [after a beat] Yes? JESSICA Well, I came here to attend university. And be closer to my father. SILVER He is not in the United States? JESSICA No. He's on diplomatic attachment in the Netherlands - [amused] but I don't understand any Dutch. SILVER [chuckles] JESSICA So I found a room with three other girls from the college. They're all models. To pay for their classes. Well, except Dana - she just models for fun... Sorry. That's probably not important. SILVER Don't let it worry you. Go at your own pace. JESSICA Can I have a piece of paper? SILVER You want to take notes? [teasing] That's really my job. JESSICA No, no! It helps me concentrate. Please? SOUND PAPER RIPPED FROM NOTEBOOK, PASSED OVER JESSICA Thank you. SOUND PAPER FOLDED, TORN - UNDER THROUGHOUT JESSICA So, Dana, Chris, and Adrienne - are all gorgeous. I'm the mouse. [heavy sigh] Don't get me wrong - they're all very nice. SILVER But you are a bit jealous? JESSICA They've all got legs all the way up to their shoulders! SILVER [musing] A woman with legs up to her shoulders might be missing a heart. JESSICA [startled, laughs, relaxes a bit] I like that. But, they're nice - really nice. SILVER You're lucky. Good friends are hard to find. JESSICA Yes... [trails off, sighs, then absently] The dream. SILVER Whenever you're ready. JESSICA You're going to think I'm horrible! SILVER Nonsense. Dreams are primarily symbolic, and everyone dreams about things they are embarrassed by. I promise not to judge you. JESSICA [gulps, long breath] In the dream, I come home. Our apartment is on the top floor, so I walk up and up the endless stairs. It's the type that goes round and round an open space. [her voice slowly picks up an echo, as if in a stairwell] You know, where you can look all the way down to the ground floor - as long as you don't have to worry about vertigo? SOUND [under] FOOTSTEPS ECHOING UP THE STAIRWELL SILVER Mm. JESSICA And the door was ... open. JESSICA [under] Hello? JESSICA I pushed it the rest of the way, and went in. And everything was red. Red on the walls. I couldn't understand. All I could think was - did we repaint? SILVER Yes? JESSICA And then I looked up and saw the light fixture. It was red too. Red and dripping. [slowly] Slowly dripping. SILVER [after a pause] Is that when you woke? JESSICA [hollow, numb] No. [coming back] Can I have another piece of paper? I'll trade you. SILVER A crane? Very nice. JESSICA It was... part of my therapy. SOUND PAPER RIPS, PASSED OVER, MORE FOLDING BEGINS SILVER Still... very nice. JESSICA Thanks. [deep breath] I went into the next room. [half a chuckle] Out of the foyer into the frying pan. [lame laugh] You must think I'm awful, to be able to joke at a time like this! SILVER No. Humor is a very common way to deal with painful circumstances. Don't concern yourself with what I think. JESSICA Adrienne was in the sitting room. [trying not to choke up] Dead. She was - all cut up, and the mirror next to the kitchen door was smashed and bloody. I could see my reflection in the shards ....sticking ...out of her ...eyes. JESSICA [tinny] [screams] SILVER [after a short moment] Was that where the dream ended? JESSICA [trying to be chipper] Yes. Just that. Just... seeing her dead. SILVER I'd... like to venture an interpretation of this dream that might help you... come to terms with it. JESSICA Yes? SILVER It's a manifestation of a deep-seated jealousy. JESSICA I'm not jealous! SILVER It's normal - don't worry. She's a beautiful model and you want to see yourself in her eyes as she appears to yours. JESSICA [brightening] Really? But it was so bloody. SILVER Symbolism again. Red is the color of jealousy and passion. Nothing more. MUSIC SOUND HER FOOTSTEPS ECHO UP ENDLESS STAIRWAY SOUND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS BELOW SOUND HER FOOTSTEPS STOP SOUND A COUPLE OF HEAVY FOOTSTEPS, APPROACHING SOUND HER FOOTSTEPS, RUNNING UP THE STAIRS SOUND SHE PAUSES AGAIN JESSICA [heavy breathing, trying to be quiet and listen] SOUND NO FOOTSTEPS SOUND THUMPING SOUNDS APPROACH - SETS OF FOUR SOUND TURNS OUT TO BE A BALL COMING DOWN THE STAIRS SOUND SHE CATCHES THE BALL JESSICA [sigh, chuckle] CHILD [strangely bland] My ball! JESSICA [gasp, almost a scream] Oh! [more normal] I've got it. SOUND HER STEPS BEGIN AGAIN MUSIC SOUND DOOR OPENS DANA [lecturing] I only eat chocolate off a man. JESSICA [gasp] CHRIS Ha! What a line to come in on! Dana was just explaining her perfect diet plan. ADRIENNE It makes perfect sense - work up a sweat, then have all the chocolate you want! JESSICA You girls. DANA Don't tell me you wouldn't, if you had a chance? JESSICA Well... CHRIS Maybe she doesn't like chocolate! ADRIENNE Maybe she doesn't like men. JESSICA I like chocolate! My father sent me some cocoa - the good Dutch kind. DANA I'm surprised you like men any more, Adrienne, after all that bastard Alberto put you through. ADRIENNE Don't get me started. [beat] You should really be allowed to shoot men when you're through with them. CHRIS I'd have a trail of bodies stretching to the sunset. JESSICA Are there any more of those apples? DANA Catch! SOUND CATCHING AN APPLE CHRIS What would we do when we run out of men? ADRIENNE [bitter, haunted] Not all men, just the ones who want to track you down and torment you. DANA He didn't! CHRIS Again? JESSICA [bites into apple, then chewing] What? DANA You should tell her. ADRIENNE It makes me sound like such a victim. DANA Why do you think she never does bikini shots? CHRIS She's moved three times in the past year - but he always finds her. DANA She's got the scars to prove it. MUSIC SOUND SOFT MUSIC PLAYS SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, HURRIED FEET ENTER JESSICA It happened again! SILVER Calm down, Jessica. JESSICA I'm - I'm so sorry to burst in here like this-- SILVER Sit down. JESSICA But I - I can't concentrate on anything today-- SOUND PAPER RIPPING FROM NOTEBOOK SILVER Here. Now sit. SOUND SHE SNATCHES THE PAPER, FLAPS IT JESSICA Thank you. Are you sure it's ok? SILVER I've got plenty of paper. JESSICA [chuckles] No, I mean-- [sighs] Thank you. SOUND SHE SITS, BEGINS FOLDING JESSICA I feel like such a fool. SILVER It obviously upset you. Sharing will make you feel better. You had another dream? JESSICA No! That's the weird part - it was the same dream! SILVER The same? JESSICA Well, it started the same. Going up the stairs, and the blood on the light, and ... [almost a whisper] Adrienne. SILVER And...? JESSICA It was all the same - except the ending. SILVER How did it end, then? JESSICA It didn't. I mean - it went on, from where I woke up before. SILVER Hmm. JESSICA I was staring at myself in the mirror shards - but then I realized it wasn't me. Not Jessica. Not this time - that was different. SILVER Who was in the reflection? JESSICA I think it was.... the killer! [NOTE - now the voices in the consulting room are tinny, as the scene plays out underneath] SOUND [repeat of Jessica's scream from the first dream, which trails off into a weird noise of breathing] SOUND FOOTSTEPS WALK SLOWLY THROUGH SQUISHY BLOODY PUDDLE SILVER Be as specific as you want. You won't shock me. You can give me every detail. JESSICA I can smell the blood. It's everywhere. SILVER It's quite a distinctive smell. JESSICA Yes. SOUND DOOR PUSHED SLOWLY OPEN, FOOTSTEPS MOVE INTO DRY SPACE SOUND SQUEAK AS KNIFE IS CLEANED OFF - LEATHER AGAINST METAL SOUND FOUR TAPS OF KNIFE AGAINST WOOD JESSICA It was Dana's room. And she was sleeping. SILVER So this was nighttime? JESSICA [slightly confused] I don't know. Dana sleeps late. SILVER Jessica - in the dream, are you Jessica, or are you the killer? JESSICA I - I'm not sure. I'm not... thinking in the dream, just seeing and feeling... and smelling. I can't see a face - even in the mirrors - I just knew it was the killer looking back at me, but I couldn't tell you what he...I...looked like. SILVER [too interested] What are you wearing? JESSICA Boots. Black. Leather gloves. I move toward Dana's bed... SOUND CREAK OF THE LEATHER GLOVES SILVER Do you stab her too? JESSICA [offhand] Oh, Adrienne wasn't stabbed - at least... that wasn't how she died. She was strangled. SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER DANA [gasps, awakens, tries to breathe] SOUND CLAWING AT LEATHER, SHAKING OF BED, POUNDING SILVER And then she died? JESSICA Oh, no. That would be too quick. I let up just in time - she's out. SILVER [licks his lips] Do you tie her up? JESSICA Yes. I tie her to the bed frame. Up and down. SILVER What is she wearing? JESSICA A scarlet negligee. She got it after one of her modeling shoots - the picture is on the wall over the bed. Huge. Her. Posed in red. Enticing. SOUND [tinny] CRUMPLE OF PAPER SILVER And then...? JESSICA [coming out of it] I-I- can I have another piece of paper? SILVER [breathing a bit heavily, trying to calm down] Of course. SOUND PAPER TORN RATHER CLUMSILY OUT OF NOTEBOOK - RIPS IN HALF SILVER Damn. What will you make? SOUND TEARS ANOTHER PIECE, SHE SNATCHES IT AWAY FROM HIM, BEGINS FOLDING JESSICA A box. I feel like I'm in a box. SILVER Perhaps you should make something more... open. Something you can get out of. JESSICA Maybe next time. SILVER All right. Was there more to the dream? JESSICA A little. After Dana woke up. SILVER [trying to hide his excitement] What happened? JESSICA [evasive] I just... killed her. MUSIC ESCALATES SOUND STABBING - SETS OF FOUR DANA [Screaming, begging, gurgling] SOUND SPLATTER DANA [gurgling] SOUND A COUPLE MORE KNIFE STABS DANA [death rattle] SOUND DRIPPING SOUND WIPING KNIFE WITH GLOVES AGAIN MUSIC SOUND FOOTSTEPS IN STAIRWELL, STOP FOR A SECOND SOUND FAR AWAY, DOOR OPENS JESSICA [sigh] SOUND TWO STEPS SOUND DOOR NEARBY SLAMS OPEN SOUND FEROCIOUS DOG!!!!! JESSICA [screams, then smothers it] SOUND SCRABBLING OF DOG NAILS ON TILE FLOOR JESSICA Mrs. Amarelo! Mrs. Amarelo! Please! MUSIC SOUND TEAPOT WHISTLING, TAKEN OFF, WATER POURS JESSICA [talking loudly to someone in another room] She really needs to keep that dog on a shorter leash. She's lucky I didn't jump back and fall down the stairs. SOUND DOOR OPENS, SLIPPERED FEET IN DANA [half awake] Mm. Coffee? JESSICA [silly!] Cocoa. [gasp] Oh! DANA You don't like it? It's imported French lace. JESSICA I'm just not used to-- DANA And red is such a good color on me. ADRIENNE [calling from the other room] --she's just shy. SOUND FOOTSTEPS COME IN ADRIENNE [close] Haven't you ever wondered, Jessica? JESSICA [disturbed] Wondered... what? SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS DANA Mmm? ADRIENNE What it would be like with a woman? JESSICA [disturbed] Um - no. Uh, I don't even know anyone who does-- ADRIENNE Anyone who you KNOW does, anyway. JESSICA Um... I guess. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN CHRIS [freaking out, out of breath] Oh, god! SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT, BODY THUMPS AGAINST IT ADRIENNE What's wrong? Sit down! SOUND DOOR LOCKS JESSICA Cocoa? CHRIS Thanks! [sips, then shudders in a breath] ADRIENNE What happened? CHRIS [gasping it out] On the street. A gun! It was so loud! DANA Someone was shot? I'm phoning the police. ADRIENNE Give her a minute! She's nearly hysterical! CHRIS No! No! Call them! The sooner I tell, the sooner he'll be caught! JESSICA Did you see the guy? CHRIS Uh-huh! [yes] MUSIC SOUND LOW MUSIC PLAYS SOUND PAPER FOLDING JESSICA I have this awful feeling-- SILVER Yes? JESSICA That this is all... some kind of premonition. SILVER You think you're seeing something that might happen in the future? JESSICA It would make so much sense. SILVER Is there anything in the dream that makes you think it will happen? JESSICA Like what? SILVER Something with the date? A newspaper, perhaps? JESSICA [concentrating] Mmm, no. None of us really reads the papers. Magazines, yes, but they don't come out that often. [beat] And they all kind of look the same. SILVER Have you ever had a dream - any dream - come true in the past? JESSICA What? [half a chuckle] No! SILVER Then I think you are safe. [teasing, fatherly] But make sure to lock your door. JESSICA [laughs a bit] SILVER [getting back on track] So. The dream came back. Again. JESSICA [quiet, sad] Yes. SILVER And it was--? JESSICA Longer. SILVER [avid] So once again, you saw your first two friends strangled and tortured and-- [swallows] mutilated. JESSICA Yes. SILVER And then? What about your third friend - what was her name? JESSICA Chris. [numb] Chris was in the hall. She must have heard the commotion with Dana. I... feel like the killer was - ummmm - surprised. Like he didn't expect her to be there. SILVER Why do you say that? JESSICA I don't know. Just that he - I - had to chase her down. SILVER Be specific. JESSICA I came out of Dana's bedroom-- [office voices go tinny] SOUND SQUISHING FOOTSTEPS, WIPE FEET AND STEP ONTO TILE SOUND DOOR OPENS CHRIS Dana? What? Oh, god! [screams] JESSICA I hesitate, stunned. Just long enough for her to run back into her room. SOUND DOOR SLAMS SOUND HEAVY FEET RUN, SLAM INTO DOOR CHRIS [muffled] No! No! SOUND SLAM INTO DOOR, WOOD CREAKS AND CRACKS JESSICA There's such a - a rush as the door gives way. SILVER Where is Chris? JESSICA She's pressed again the window, outlined in light from the pink and red neon across the street. SILVER Ahhhh. What is she wearing? JESSICA Silk. A blue slip-- SILVER Blue? Are you sure? JESSICA Yes. Why? SILVER The neon light - it might be deceptive. JESSICA I saw it in the hall. SILVER Ahhh. What color is her hair? JESSICA Chris? She has long straight blonde hair. SILVER And very pretty. JESSICA Yes. SILVER Mmmmm. SOUND WINDOW SLAMS OPEN JESSICA I raise the knife and she screams again, trying to climb out the window. SILVER Can she? JESSICA We're six stories up. That's why there's all those stairs. SILVER Do you... cut her? JESSICA Better. I set the knife aside again-- SOUND LEATHER ON METAL JESSICA --and take her by the throat. The black leather of the gloves looks strange in the neon pink glow - especially against her pale white throat. SILVER Does she struggle? JESSICA Like a fiend. She strikes and kicks, but it is all in vain. [coming out of it] The killer must be a man. SILVER [startled out] Um? Of course-- Um, [swallows, clears throat] The um - the killer in the dream. JESSICA That's what I meant. SILVER Right. More paper? SOUND RIPS PAPER OUT OF NOTEBOOK JESSICA Thanks. SOUND TAKES IT, STARTS FOLDING SILVER You've made me quite a little collection here. What's this one? JESSICA A knife. SILVER [amused] A paper knife. And this? JESSICA A shrew. SILVER No more cranes? JESSICA Cranes are peaceful. I haven't been feeling very... peaceful. SILVER Do you want to continue? JESSICA Don't you have another appointment? SILVER No. Your case is fascinating, so I cleared some extra time for you. JESSICA Oh. All right. SILVER At least follow the dream to the conclusion. JESSICA Where was I? SILVER [too quick] You were strangling Chris. SOUND STRANGLING NOISES UP AGAIN SOUND HAND POUNDING AGAINST GLASS [voices go tinny again] JESSICA Right. Then she passed out. SOUND STRUGGLE STOPS, SQUEAK OF HAND SLIDING DOWN PANE SILVER Gooood. SOUND ROPE PASSING THROUGH HANDS SILVER And--? JESSICA I took the cord from the blinds and wrapped it around her neck. SILVER Strangling her? Again? Why? JESSICA It wasn't tied that tight. SILVER Then, what? JESSICA Then I cut her a little. Not deep. Just enough to see red - just enough for the blood to flow. Shoulders. Thighs. Chest. It took a long time for her to wake up again. SILVER Did you cut her blue slip off? JESSICA It's not blue any more. Now it's wet and dark in strange rivulet patterns. So is the floor. SILVER And then? JESSICA Her eyes open - and once again I see my own reflection twice in one face. And this time I can almost make out who I am. If it weren't for that darn pink neon, I might be able to. SILVER Does SHE recognize you? JESSICA [dismissively] Maybe. She tries to scream. But I already gagged her. [little sigh] She was asleep a long time. SILVER Uh-huh? JESSICA I pull her up by her hair - her long blonde lovely hair. The word "tresses" pops into my mind. SILVER Tresses. That's a good word. JESSICA She squirms and tries to escape. Her eyes plead with me. But I don't waver. I show her the knife and she closes her eyes. I run the hilt of the knife over her forehead and she squeals - when really all I want to do is press her eyelids open. SILVER She can't understand that, can she? JESSICA I just want her to see. She was always a big one for seeing things. SILVER See what? JESSICA The window. SILVER Is there something outside? JESSICA Not yet. SILVER Oh? JESSICA As soon as her eyelids flutter open, I turn her toward the window and slam her face into it, shattering the glass. Something breaks in her, too, and I hear her muffled agony. SILVER Her nose? JESSICA I don't know, since as soon as the glass is gone, I push her out. SILVER On the cord? JESSICA She dances so prettily. SILVER Do the people outside see? JESSICA No, the music from the club with the neon is very loud, and no one ever looks up. SILVER What about the blood? JESSICA I don't know. I woke up. SILVER [breathing heavily, calming down] JESSICA What do you think? SILVER We definitely have some work to do. You'll see me each afternoon for a while - can you promise me you will? JESSICA Of course, if you think it's important. SILVER Very. And here is my home number-- SOUND SCRIBBLING ON A CARD SILVER --In case anything else comes to mind. JESSICA You're sure you don't mind if I call you? SILVER No. Of course not. In fact, I insist. I am here for you. MUSIC AMB STREET, NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE AROUND SOUND JESSICA'S STEPS, HURRYING SOUND A STRANGE TAPPING NOISE - SETS OF FOUR - GETTING CLOSER SOUNDS SHE SPEEDS UP SOUND THE TAPPING GETS CLOSER SOUND SHE SPEEDS UP MORE JESSICA [gasping] SOUND GRAB AND FLING OPEN DOOR SOUND FEET RUN INTO BUILDING SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT JESSICA [breathing heavily] SOUND TAPS GO PAST OUTSIDE JESSICA [sighs, almost laughs] MANAGER [off slightly] Scotomaphobia? JESSICA [gasps] SOUND THUMP AS SHE RECOILS JESSICA What? Mr. Cramoisie? You - you startled me! SOUND CIGARETTE CRUSHED OUT MANAGER The fear of going blind. JESSICA Huh? Me? MANAGER I saw you run from the white stick. [chuckles] And I don't know a word for fear of a blind man. MUSIC SOUND DOOR OPENS TENTATIVELY JESSICA [clearly worried] Hello? ADRIENNE Jess? Is there something wrong? JESSICA [sigh of relief] No. Nothing. Glad to be home. SOUNDS STEPS COME IN, DOOR SHUTS SOUND REMOVING COAT, ETC. DANA I was just putting on some tea - want some? JESSICA No, thanks. Save me some water, though? ADRIENNE You and your cocoa. Come in here - we've got company. SOUND A FEW SLOW STEPS JESSICA Oh? Hello. GULES Ah. This must be your other roommate. Very pleased. Four such lovely ladies, [slightly ominous] all alone. CHRIS This is Detective Gules. That is Jessica. Sit down Jessie. JESSICA Detective? SOUND CHAIR CREAKS AS SHE SITS CHRIS He's investigating - um - [whispered] what I saw yesterday. GULES We suspect the murder she witnessed was gangster-related, and are concerned for her safety. Your safety, too. This isn't a very secure building. You don't even have grilles on the windows. DANA Pssht! We're six floors up! Who needs grilles! Here, Jess. Water-- SOUND MUG SET DOWN DANA And your precious cocoa. SOUND TIN SOUND SPOON DROPPED INTO MUG DANA [to the room, teasing] I wouldn't dare measure it for you. JESSICA [laughs] That's perfect, Dana, thanks. SOUND MIXES UP THE COCOA GULES I'm trying to convince Chris to let me take her into protection. [getting darker] We want to make sure she stays where we can put our hands on her. MUSIC SOUND PHONE PICKED UP JESSICA Hello? VOICE [harsh whisper] Four girls. Could be three. Or one. JESSICA Who is this? You're scaring me. VOICE Will it be you? JESSICA I'm hanging up now! SOUND PHONE SLAMMED DOWN DANA [worried] Jess? Who was that? JESSICA A heavy breather. You know the type. DANA I didn't even hear the phone ring. JESSICA Oh? Umm... I must have picked it up just as it was starting. Who did you think it was? DANA Oh, Michel. My brother. He's been asking for money again. JESSICA What's wrong this time? DANA Same old shit. Someone's going to break his legs. Someone's going to kill his dog. [disgusted noise] He ran through his half of the inheritance years ago. JESSICA And you don't feel sorry for him? DANA I felt one hundred thousand dollars sorry for him, and that was in the first month after he flushed all his cash down one toilet and another. Since then. [shrug] Not so damn sorry. MUSIC SOUND SNORING [Dr. Silver] SOUND PHONE RINGS SOUND PHONE PICKED UP SILVER [not awake] mmm Hello? JESSICA [on phone, hysterical] Doctor? Please? Something terrible has happened! SILVER [snapping awake, but still groggy] Jessica? Wha-what's going on? JESSICA [on phone] You have to come, Doctor! I need help! [backs off and screams] SOUND [on phone] PHONE DROPS, THUMPS A FEW TIMES. SOUND BED CLOTHES FLUNG OFF MUSIC SOUND DOC'S FEET COMING UP THE STAIRS, QUICKLY SILVER [reading door numbers] 601... 602...? JESSICA [moan] SILVER Jessica? What has happened? JESSICA D-doctor? SILVER Come out here. My god - what--? JESSICA A nosebleed. I - I get them sometimes. SILVER With the dreams? JESSICA Uh-huh. SILVER Why are you out here in the hall? JESSICA I didn't want to wake anyone. SILVER They're your friends. They will surely understand. Let's go inside. [suave] Maybe have some of your famous cocoa? JESSICA [small laugh] That would be nice. SILVER Invite me in? SOUND DOOR OPENS JESSICA You're invited. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS, A SLIGHT SQUISH SILVER [slight shock] What? MUSIC JESSICA [sips, then] The dream was sooo bad this time. SILVER [grunt] JESSICA Then I found these-- SOUND SLAP OF LEATHER GLOVES JESSICA And suddenly everything started to be so real. But it can't be, can it? SILVER [grunt] JESSICA I hoped I would wake up, and the gloves would be gone, but here they are. SOUND GLOVES CREAK SILVER [agreeing grunt] JESSICA It's really good isn't it? Is it too hot for you? SILVER [slight overreaction negative grunt] JESSICA My father sent it. From the Netherlands. He's always somewhere else. I mean somewhere else from where I am, anyway. Did I tell you how my mother died? SILVER [negative] JESSICA She committed suicide when I was 5. I found her. Dr. Gelb says that's why I can't sleep. She says I can never forget my mother's dead eyes. SILVER Hmm? JESSICA They looked at me, but they weren't really her any more, you know? SILVER Hmm. JESSICA [briskly] But this is all beside the point. I'm so glad the girls are heavy sleepers. So we can talk. SILVER Mm-hmm. JESSICA [very important] I finally saw myself in the dream. SILVER Mmm? JESSICA I mean, I, in the killer's eyes, saw me - Jessica. Do you know how frightening that could be? The idea that I could not only watch myself be butchered, but that I would somehow be behind the eyes of the one doing it? SILVER [sigh] JESSICA [sips] SOUND SETS DOWN CUP, PICKS UP PIECE OF PAPER, STARTS FOLDING JESSICA Somehow, when I have a piece of paper in my hands, the dream fades into something that might have been on the television. SILVER Hmm. JESSICA [beat, then] Once Chris was dead, the killer must have pulled her back in. She was on the bed, starred with glass in the dark. Pink stars, catching the neon. SILVER Mmm. JESSICA I watch his black gloved hand push open my own bedroom door. I'm lying on the bed, tossing in my sleep. SILVER Umm. JESSICA The knife in my - his - hand leads me to the bed. To the woman. To me. SILVER Umm? JESSICA [agreeing] I know. SOUND [off slightly] DOOR SLAMS OPEN JESSICA What? COP1 [off] Oh my god! COP2 [off] [trying not to hurl] SOUND HER SQUISHY, STICKY BARE FOOTSTEPS JESSICA [way too calm, calling] Chris? Did you call for the police? [to the police] You should have knocked. COP1 What the hell? What... the ... hell! COP2 Is all that...blood? JESSICA What? Oh, the nosebleed. Sorry, I should have changed into something fresh. Would you like some cocoa? COP1 [calling back over his shoulder] Watch where you step! MUSIC SOUND GURNEY AFTER GURNEY BEING WHEELED OUT BEHIND THEM SOUND DOG BARKING DOWN THE HALL, KEEPS GOING COP1 It's bad, sir. COP2 You might want some shoe covers. DETECTIVE Who could have done such an awful thing? COP2 Someone crazy. Truly out of his mind. DETECTIVE Or her mind. COP1 Do you have any reason to suspect a woman? DETECTIVE [shrug] I suspect everyone. How many bodies? CORONER Four bodies. And one clinging to life. DETECTIVE And the smell? CORONER Rotting flesh. [long sniff] Been lying here several days, if I don't miss my guess. MUSIC end

Journey #183 - The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether by Edgar Allan Poe

Journey Into...

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2023

A man gets more than expected when he visits a French asylum to learn about a new and intriguing system of treatment for its patients.To download, right-click here and then click SaveJoin the Journey Into Patreon to get extra episodes and personal addresses, plus other extras and rewards.Narrated by Dave RobisonOther voices include: Bria Burton, Barry Haworth, Rish Outfield, Gino Moretto, Big Anklevich, Julie Hoverson, and me, Marshal Latham.Theme music: Liberator by Man In SpaceTo comment on this or any episode:Leave us a voicemail at 77-JINTO-107 (775-4686-107)Send comments and/or recordings to journeyintopodcat@gmail.comTweet us us TwitterPost a comment on Facebook here

french doctors professor system edgar allan poe liberator tarr bandid julie hoverson dave robison rish outfield marshal latham big anklevich

Project Top Hat by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard Reissue of the Week)

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 22, 2022 38:51

once more, we return to the world of zombies.... Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson [warning - foul language] ******************************************************************* Tammuz Corporation has barely settled back in as top producer of undead workforce, when something much worse comes out of R&D. Cast List Fred - Leonard Streeper June - Melissa Bartell Dill - Mark Olson Chambers - Dave Marshall Dr. Plasmus - Kim Poole Landon Frost - Chris Barnes Pamela Frost - Julie Hoverson Doctor - James Sedgwick Nurse - Rachel Cavic Interviewer - Russell Gold Music by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com Cover art by Julie Hoverson INTERLUDES: Cricket - Reynaud LeBoeuf, Julie Hoverson, M. Siero Garcia, Katy Fontenot Courtroom - Carl Cubbedge, Tanja Milojevic Champion Chum - Katy Fontenot, Rachel Cavic, Reynaud LeBoeuf Save the Zombies - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard New Year's Head Swaps - Justin Charles, Crystal Dennis Life Insurance - Joe Stofko Big Bob's - Richard Summers Lecturer - Robert Cudmore Classroom - Janny Hilverts, Katy Fontenot, Sirena Carroll, Mike Campbell, James Sedgwick, Julie Hoverson Zombie Show - Gareth Bowley Survivalists - Dave Fontenot, Matthew McLean "Working Stiff" - Chris Stockett Edna's Chum - M. Siero Garcia Scam - Rick Lewis Zombie Lib - Derek Koch Old Zombie Spice - Morgan Brown "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a secret lab, deep in the Tammuz Corporation, can't you tell?" *************************************************************************************** Project Top Hat Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Landon Frost, TV show host Pamela Frost, his wife Fred and June Doctor Plasmus, top researcher Chambers - executive Dill - less important executive OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a Top Secret Lab, on the human side of the wall, in the world of zombies, can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND computer and lab noises LANDON [on TV] I'm Landon Frost, and tonight on "the Z word," we'll take a behind the scenes look at how zombies are used in the manufacture of your dog's kibble. FRED How can they feed zombies to dogs? JUNE Ambulates make the food - prepare it. It's illegal to terminate them without "just cause." FRED As opposed to "just cuz"? [laughs] JUNE Hah. That's what "the Z word" is about - exposing the ways zombies are exploited. LANDON [TV] You'll be watching this series throughout the holidays, and I'll be tucked up at home with my family. JUNE He's always busy. Hardly ever gets to see them. FRED Oh, boo-hoo. This Frost guy gets to fly all over the world, cussing on TV, and making zillions of dollars, and he wants sympathy? JUNE Don't forget taking his shirt off... [chuckle] But he's also a romantic - always talking about how he misses his wife Pamela. FRED So? He could retire. JUNE Helping improve "life" for ambulates is like a crusade for him. SOUND DOOR OPENS, CUTTING HER OFF FRED [muttered exclamation] Oh shit! SOUND CHAIR SQUEAK, SCRAMBLE LANDON [TV] I'll be meeting my wife in secret at‑‑ SOUND SWITCH, TV OFF DILL [coming in talking] We should be able to improve the bottom line. CHAMBERS AND not expose Tammuz to any more... liability. We are just starting to get back to where we were before Mrs. Skray's... DILL Unfortunate accident? CHAMBERS [grim] Breakdown. DILL Ah. CHAMBERS I need your personal guarantee this won't come back to bite us in the butt. DILL If it does, my butt will have your back. CHAMBERS What? DILL uh... nothing. Dr. Plasmus is expecting us. CHAMBERS Plasmus? What kind of a name is that? DILL Dunno. I only know results, and the good doctor facilitated the "crickets". Look what they've done to help us get back in good odor over the last 18 months. CHAMBERS [favorably impressed] MMmm. DILL And now - [announcing] Project Top Hat! SOUND DOOR OPENS SOUND MUSIC SCENE CHANGE TV DUDE [ON TV] Do you ever have behavior problems with your ambulates? ZOMBIE Grr. OLD LADY [pleased] Cricket! TV DUDE Do they sometimes seem to have a mind of their own? ZOMBIE2 [weird noise] MAN [smug] Cricket. TV DUDE Would you ever have them in the house without it? WOMAN Around my kids? Forget it! KIDS Just CRICKET! TV DUDE Yes, Cricket, the "behavioral reminder" Implant that reminds zombies to toe the line. TV DUDE [quiet, rushed] Results may vary. Some side effects may occur. No guarantee of bodily safety is implied or express in the sale of this product. Not available in all areas. [up] Get Cricket today! Brought to you by your friends at Tammuz Corporation. SOUND MUSIC SOUND WALKING, DOOR SWOOSHES OPEN SOUND ZAPS and SQUISHY NOISES PLASMUS You're early. DILL Uh, no. It's - um - six? PLASMUS It is? Hmm. Well, just let me finish this, and-- SOUND BIG ZAP CHAMBERS What are you working on? PLASMUS Shh! DILL [hushed] Sorry, the doc doesn't multitask. CHAMBERS What? SOUND ONE FINAL ZAP PLASMUS Done. He means I do not work and talk. When you have worked directly in as many brains as I have, you begin to value each function for its own worth, and not merely as a gestalt whole. CHAMBERS Uh, right. So are you ready to gestalted [get started] now? DILL Gestalt isn't-- CHAMBERS I KNOW. PLASMUS It was a bit of a joke? [small dry chuckle] Am I right? CHAMBERS Yeah. PLASMUS I thought as much. I fear that the humor seat of my own brain has probably been left a wee bit underdeveloped. Oh well. Could be MUCH worse. I could have an atrophied hippocampus! [laughs riotously] DILL Uh, yeah. [toady laugh] CHAMBERS That would be unfortunate, indeed. PLASMUS [stops laughing suddenly] But you are not here for pleasantries. You are here to see what I have wrought! CHAMBERS Aha! So that's the smell in here. PLASMUS What? CHAMBERS Rot? PLASMUS [laughs] MUSIC SCENE CHANGE to TV LANDON What the fuck do you think you're doing? You can't have rats in any ambulate work area, you moronic lavat'ry brush! They may not decay, but can still be damaged - do you want to be the one providing your workforce with replacement parts every time rats gnaw a bit off? Or perhaps rats are the only protein going in to your fucking kibble? SOUND MUSIC DILL So now the doctor will demonstrate--? [hint] PLASMUS Have you forgotten the name again? DILL [uncomfortable] No. no, I just was giving you a chance to - you know - take the glory. PLASMUS You should have warned me. [sigh] It is project top hat for a very simple reason-- SOUND METAL CLANK CHAMBERS It looks like a top hat. Original. DILL And what does it do...? [hinting] PLASMUS Stop doing that. DILL Sorry. PLASMUS [launching into lecture mode] The ambulate workforce is sturdy, capable - albeit slow - and cheap, since all they require is chum, unlike human workers who not only need food, shelter, sleep, etc., but also WANT things. DILL [muttered] Zombies want things too. That's part of the problem. PLASMUS Shush. It is this volition which is the only real drawback to the use of ambulates for many sorts of work - and which gives rise to the various debates over ambulate sentience, and to use an inexact phrase - over their "personhood". CHAMBERS None of this is news. PLASMUS I am setting it up. So if there was a way to mix the useful qualities of the ambulate with the mindless diligence of, say, a computer, wouldn't that improve their value? CHAMBERS [interested] Yessss.... DILL Of course. PLASMUS So this mechanism will do that - replacing the corpse's brain with a limited function computer, only able to obey commands. CHAMBERS You specify "Corpse"? PLASMUS [pleased] Ah, you caught that. [chuckles] Much like the pre-edict abortion debates, this idealization of ambulates leads to the nasty question of when, precisely, one goes from human, to dead human, to ambulate. DILL You've seen the courtroom reality shows. MUSIC COURT REPORT We'll catch the plaintiff as she leaves. Missus Feinman, Missus Feinman? How do you feel about the jury's ruling? MISSUS Act of god, my eye! My husband had a very clear "do not reanimate" clause in his will - but that doctor failed to catch him at the exact moment to remove the head and prevent reanimation, and now he's stuck. MISTER [zombie moan] MISSUS I can't even have him decently put down, what with the iffy legal status of zombies. [sniffles] COURT REPORT [bland] You have our sympathy, I'm sure. In just a moment, we'll speak to the doctor and his attorney. MUSIC PLASMUS So we must catch them in that window - that tiny "between states" period when we can still legally treat them as objects. CHAMBERS And--? PLASMUS Remove the head. Once the head is gone, the body may yet convert, but does not move, as it has little sensory input to motivate it. CHAMBERS You remove the head? [Slowly gets it] And then you do - oh - ohhhh. The Top Hat. PLASMUS I see you are a quick thinker, Mr. Senior executive. Yes. The unit replaces the so-called "mind", by which we truly mean the physical brain, giving the animated carcass sensory input, all the while leaving complete control with the human controller. CHAMBERS Can the body re-animate, without the head? PLASMUS Do you know how the ambi-twist works? CHAMBERS The what? DILL [muttered] The T virus. PLASMUS No, no! That is a trademarked name and cannot be used without possible reprisal! DILL Sorry! That's what most people [call it]. PLASMUS I don't want to hear it! Besides, the ambi-twist does not make ravenous beasts. Animates are gentle. Like kittens. MUSIC COMMERCIAL AMB GROCERY SHOPPING SUSY Gee, mommy, Rolf pushes the cart real well, don't he? MOMMY That reminds me! We need to pick up some chum! ROLF [eager zombie noise] SUSY He knows THAT word! ANNOUNCER Of course he does, but can he tell the difference between Champion Chum and the bargain brand? MOMMY Is there a difference? ANNOUNCER Just ask Rolf! ROLF [sticky zombie eating noises] SUSY [laughing] Oh Rolf! ANNOUNCER Every zombie, every day, chooses Champion brand chum! MUSIC CHAMBERS They're tame enough with the cricket. If they were naturally docile, we wouldn't need it. PLASMUS And with the top hat, there will be no need for the cricket. Let me show you. SOUND CAGE OPENS CHAMBERS [horrified reaction] Oh! DILL ugh [bland] PLASMUS This stray dog was humanely euthanized, and the top hat was immediately attached-- SOUND COMPUTERIZED BARK PLASMUS We had to use a fairly large dog, so the top hat unit wouldn't overbalance it. It was designed for a human frame-- SOUND COMMOTION OUTSIDE PLASMUS What is this? SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN JACKIE All of you! Over by the wall! [to june and fred] Get in there! FRED Right, of course. JUNE Excuse me. Just - um - going through. CHAMBERS Who the devil are you? JACKIE I'm the one with the gun! And I said over by the wall! DILL She means it. Move it! Move it move it move it.... PLASMUS But the dog-- SOUND COMPUTERIZED BARK SOUND GUN SHOT INTO CEILING JACKIE And don't get any funny ideas. I'm not alone. CHAMBERS [reasonable and placating] Tell us what you want. JACKIE [almost a yell] I want you all over by that wall! SOUND COMPUTERIZED BARK DILL Already here! JUNE Me too! PLASMUS Allow me to-- [take the dog] JACKIE Leave that poor thing! SOUND COMPUTERIZED BARK JACKIE That is exactly the kind of horrid monster we're here to put an end to. PLASMUS Ah. Activists. [chuckling] CHAMBERS Don't mock the woman with the gun! PLASMUS Oh. Of course. JACKIE And what's behind here? PLASMUS No! Don't! It's not ready yet! CHAMBERS What IS it? SOUND CURTAIN OPENS JACKIE Mother of god! MUSIC SCENE CHANGE, AND then WUSSY POPSTAR I know all of you have heard and most of you have enjoyed my hit single "walking away with my heart" about the plight of the ambulate. ZOMBIE [pathetic moan] POPSTAR Too many of these poor once-human creatures are abused, neglected, and sometimes even abandoned to fend for themselves - forced to sell their bodies, bit by horrible bit, for the chum they need to survive. Can't you spare just a little - the price of a cup of coffee - to help? MUSIC CHAMBERS Just tell us your demands, and let's get on with this. JACKIE [horrified] What have you done to this man? PLASMUS It is not a man. It is a corpse. JACKIE It's moving. PLASMUS There's no one there. As you can see, the computer has taken the place of its entire head, thus removing all chance of-- CHAMBERS [hissed, annoyed] You didn't say you'd already done this to a human - [correcting himself] a human corpse, that is. PLASMUS I simply hadn't got to that part of the presentation, yet. JACKIE [distracted and horrified] But why? FRED Hi-YAH! SOUND THUMP, SCUFFLE DILL Wow. SOUND GUN GOES OFF DILL Stay back! JUNE [indecisive but encouraging] Get her, Fred! SOUND SCUFFLE ENDS FRED Got her. PLASMUS Can I have her as a specimen? JACKIE You can't do that to me! PLASMUS Of course we could. We simply record that you died in an attack on our security, and your corpse will be ...recycled. JACKIE NO! CHAMBERS That's a bit much, isn't it? PLASMUS [quiet] Drat. [up] Heh-heh. Of course. Just a bit of - intimidation. Hah. Hah. DILL Right. PLASMUS What this young lady doesn't seem to understand is that there are many people who don't wish to return as a shambling, slow, and stupid ambulate. Many would rather know that their mind - their "soul" - had been allowed to pass on. JACKIE How the hell do you think you're doing that? PLASMUS Cutting off the head. The body is still useful - as you can see. It can be of service to the living. JACKIE The soul isn't in the brain. The soul is - the soul. It will stay around no matter what. PLASMUS [derisive laugh] MUSIC SOUND PARTY! BRANDON And we're here on the dead side with the new years crowd! They start a week early, since they know it'll take 'em that long to arrive! Whoo! ARIA And the hottest thing this year is head swaps! BRANDON [prompting, not really questioning] Head swaps, Aria? ARIA That's right, Brandon! You know how zombies can cut off and attach body parts? They recently discovered that they can swap heads! They say it's totally the ultimate! BRANDON Unless they sew it on backwards! Man, that would be a pain in the ass! ARIA Yeah, but at least you could see your ass! BOTH [LAUGH] MUSIC CHAMBERS Where's security when you need them? JUNE I just called them, sir. Apparently, they've had a number of ...insurrections. DILL Must be how she slipped by. JACKIE You won't get anything from me! PLASMUS I suppose you two will have to take her to the security office for detention. FRED Gotcha. JUNE Oh, me? Oh all right. SOUND SHE CROSSES JUNE What was it she was looking at, anyway? [horrified gasp!] PLASMUS What's wrong? JUNE [too quick, very nervous] Nothing! I just thought it - he - it - moved. PLASMUS Nonsense. I haven't even woken the unit yet. Get along. JUNE [still nervous] Yes, yes of course! Come on! FRED What's wrong? JUNE [growl] Post traumatic stress! Get moving! SOUND THEY LEAVE PLASMUS Some people simply cannot handle pressure. Come have a look at my human automaton. CHAMBERS [slightly suspicious] He looks ... fresh. DILL Nice physique! CHAMBERS You didn't - uh - kill him, did you, doc? PLASMUS [laughs flatly] No. He was killed in a car wreck, this afternoon. His legs sustained some damage, but mostly superficial, and his head was completely severed. CHAMBERS How did you get him so quickly? The notice to the family won't even go through-- PLASMUS [pissed] I could not wait for petty family concerns when this perfect specimen fell into my very lap! And he is perfect! DILL Ew. PLASMUS So I snatched him out of the hospital upstairs. Besides. He is an organ donor. MUSIC INSURANCE Do you wonder about your insurance coverage? Concerned that you may some day cease to be human, and therefore void your policy? We here at Practical Undead National Trust can fix that for you. For only a few dollars a day, you, too, can have coverage that extends beyond the expiration of the body. MUSIC SOUND HALLWAY, DOOR SHUTS, FOOTSTEPS FRED Whew. Should we go back, do you think? JUNE [still bothered] I - I don't know. FRED OK, what's going on? JUNE Oh, Fred! This is horrible! FRED It was just a gun. I don't think she would have shot either of us anyway. JUNE Not that. FRED Then what? JUNE That body back in the lab? That perfectly sculpted torso? Did you see that tattoo on the shoulder? FRED Not my type. Sorry. JUNE [very important and horrible] THAT was‑‑ [cut off with a gasp] SOUND DOOR OPENS MUSIC LANDON [outside, loud over background noise] You would think this was a prime place for ambulates - garbage reclamation. SOUND CRUNCHING EQUIPMENT LANDON They don't mind bad smells, can't catch diseases -- and yet, most of the workers hired on at this particular municipal tip don't stay. Let's find out why. MUSIC CHAMBERS [gritted teeth] What do we do if there's a lawsuit? PLASMUS [shrug] If they push it, there is an incinerator in the basement, and as long as we first remove the computer unit, the organic evidence could be reduced to ashes in a matter of hours. CHAMBERS [annoyed, but not knowing] Do you even know who this person - corpse - is? PLASMUS [shrug] I read the driver's license. Why? DILL [confident] We'll fabricate records. Show it was cremated by mistake. Apologize. Give the widow some ashes and a check. CHAMBERS Sounds like you've done this before. DILL [smug] Things... happen. MUSIC BOB Come on down to Big Bob's bob-o-rama for the finest in pre-owed ambulates! We have 'em all from this big brute for heavy lifting-- ZOMBIE [deep moan] BOB To this hot little number, [hinting] nice for in-house work. GIRL ZOMBIE [sexy moan?] BOB Come on down this weekend, and my own gramma, an ambulate herself, will be here with her special milk and cookies! Trade-ins are always given full greybook value. MUSIC NURSE I'm so sorry. There's been a little mixup. He's... um... missing. PAMELA [low snarl] As god is my witness, if my husband's body turns up somewhere - anywhere - on a celebrity zombie show, I will personally sue you, the hospital, Tammuz, and anyone else our lawyers can think of! NURSE But I-- DOCTOR What seems to be the problem? PAMELA Are you the person I should be screaming at? DOCTOR Well, I don't know about that-- PAMELA Then you best point me at the right one, since some screaming is well overdue. DOCTOR Just tell me - calmly - what this is about. NURSE It's her husband. PAMELA My husband's BODY, you mean! [starting to move from anger into tears] I was informed of his accident, that he was declared [suppressed sob] dead at the scene, and when I come to claim him... [deep breath, furious snarl] He's missing. NURSE I'm sure it's just a paperwork snafu. PAMELA AND I know how some of you bastards are about selling celebrity corpses! Don't think you can pull that crap on me! DOCTOR Celebrity? What was -uh, is - your husband's name? MUSIC SOUND ZOMBIE MOAN LANDON This fucking pisses me off no end - look at that poor bastard. SOUND ZOMBIE MOAN LANDON Look at this hand. Three fingers gone, from a bloody hazardous environment. [up] They may not be human any more, but you sons-of-bitches still have to look after these beggars! MUSIC JUNE Landon Frost! FRED What? JUNE I swear it was! It's the snowflake on his shoulder. He got it for his wife! FRED Oh. That can't be good. Should we ... tell them? JUNE Well...he IS dead. Nothing'll change that. SOUND DOOR OPENS, MANY FEET COME STORMING IN PAMELA I already have Landon's private security at all your exits, and will personally go through each and every room until I find him - so you might as well hand him over. DOCTOR But, but.. PAMELA First, you are taking Big bill, here, and I down to your bloody incinerator -and don't try to tell me you don't have one. DOCTOR Why? PAMELA So no one has access to destroy the [falters] the ...evidence. SOUND DOOR OPENS, THEY PASS OUT AGAIN FRED Is that--? JUNE [fatalistic] Oh boy! MUSIC LECTURER We must stop treating ambulates as objects and start treating them as people - people very nearly like you and me. With a bit of practice, anyone can speak clearly and slowly enough for a zombie to pick up on it. SOUND ZOMBIE MOAN LECTURER If we could only follow the moans and groans of a group of zombies, I'm sure complete and fascinating conversations are going on, right under our disinterested human noses. MUSIC DILL [on phone] So soon? Well, I guess we move on to plan B. [pause] She is? [upset] oh. SOUND PHONE DOWN CHAMBERS What is it? DILL I - they-- PLASMUS Quiet, please! Time to turn it on! DILL This may actually be a very bad... thing SOUND A COUPLE OF ZAPS SOUND RUSTLE CHAMBERS Is that it? PLASMUS Do you need me to shout "it's alive"? LANDON [computer noise, not quite speech] DILL Ohhhh boy. CHAMBERS Does that thing make it able to talk? LANDON [machine, more gobbledygook] PLASMUS Ambulates have always been able to talk. They simply operate on a much slower scale than we do. It is something about the brain synapses, the ambi-twist simply cannot get them back to normal speed. DILL [prompt] They're how much slower than humans? PLASMUS I said not to do that. DILL I was just asking,. Really. PLASMUS They operate somewhere between 20 and 50% slower than humans. That is why they have to be spoken to slowly. LANDON [machine] Fuck you! PLASMUS [chuckles] Or not. DILL [gasp] Is it supposed to do that? CHAMBERS I thought you said that removing the head should negate the personality. PLASMUS I'm sure it is just something programmed in. My computer expert has quite a sense of humor. LANDON [machine] What the hell is going on? PLASMUS [worried now] Or... not. DILL This was supposed to make it docile! CHAMBERS At least the thing is tied down. SOUND RIP OF RESTRAINTS PLASMUS [frightened] Or... not! MUSIC TEACHER Turn to page 40. The chapter on the ambi-twist. Amy, will you start? [grade school students, who read more or less well] AMY The ambi-twist was a genetic modification first pioneered by Tammuz Corporation. BOBBY With the best of intentions, this benevolent corporation was trying to help people. CORA To overcome the issues with tissue rejection and make transplants one hundred percent successful. DESMOND But the ambi-twist went a bit awry. [after a pause] ELLIE [whispered] You have to read more. DESMOND nuh-uh. Not my fault it's a short sentence. ELLIE Fine! [ahem] The ambi-twist altered the genetic makeup of the intended cells, yes, but it did not stop there, instead running amok through the entire body and giving the cells a life of their own. FRANK Most of the population now carries the ambi-twist virus, which has little to no effect on them ... during their lifetime. DESMOND [spooky noise] ooo-OO-oo EVERYONE [joking zombie groans] MUSIC NOTE LANDON IS COMPUTERIZED FROM HERE ON OUT LANDON Why so gob-smacked? Where the fuck am I? SOUND THUMP GETTING OUT OF BED, FOOTSTEPS PLASMUS This is very bad. DILL It's coming over. Let me guess, it can see and hear through the computer unit too? PLASMUS [wry] Of course. What use is a unit that bumps into walls and can't follow orders? LANDON Is anyone planning to answer me? CHAMBERS Look, you. You've died and are now property. Just lay back and shut up. DILL Oh boy. LANDON No, you look here, you lump of festering dog turd! If I were dead, and I don't believe it for a minute - I have very specific contingencies in my will. PLASMUS [chuckles] Speaking of contingencies-- SOUND SHOTGUN RACKING PLASMUS I would call this experiment a conditional success. SOUND SHOTGUN BLAST MUSIC HUSHED MC And the ambulate "Gracie's darling" is now approaching the steps. This is a level three hazard, since it typically takes an ambulate several tries. Oh! She's on the first step! Very nicely corrected a stumble and managed to stick the second step. Ah, but she's faltering -- Momentum can only carry one SO far, and this is where balance truly comes into play. [gareth bowley] MUSIC SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT CHAMBERS Holy cow! PLASMUS [gleeful] Did you see how fast it was? DILL You mean when it walked off with your shotgun? I thought we were done for! CHAMBERS Looked like it nearly took your hand off, too. PLASMUS [dismissive] It's broken, It's fine. [up] We must follow it! CHAMBERS Get security on all the doors! DILL On it. PLASMUS Try not to hurt it! CHAMBERS Belay that order. Take that thing down at all costs. And definitely before it leaves the building! MUSIC SURVIVALIST1 I don't care how many times they take this feed down and report me - I ain't gonna stand by and let them goddamn walking dead take over. Since every one of us as dies turns into one of them, ain't no way we can keep ahead unless we thin the herd a bit. SURVIVALIST2 Hell yeah. Now on the chart behind me, you see a human-- SURVIVALIST1 or zombie-- SURVIVALIST2 right, "or zombie," body with various areas marked in red. Those are your standard targets, right there. The head is, of course, the primary, since the bastards won't stop walking without that being gone. SURVIVALIST1 Even that don't put 'em down right away, but if you can get it GONE-- SURVIVALIST2 Sure is funny to watch them bump into walls, in't it? BOTH [laugh] MUSIC AMB HALLWAY SOUND ALARMS, RUNNING FEET IN DISTANCE JUNE Why do I suddenly feel like a job change? FRED I'll help with the resume. Let's scat. SOUND RUNNING FEET APPROACH JUNE Oh shit! [dragging him out of the way] Over here! LANDON Run, you little buggers! I'll blow your fucking pop stand wide open! FRED Holy crap! JUNE Ssh! Maybe it won't notice us! LANDON What are you looking at? FRED Too late! JUNE Please don't hurt us! LANDON Hurt? HURT? I'm going to ruin you snotty little gits! FRED Ruin, I can live with. SECURITY Stop right there! SOUND ASSORTED ZOMBIE MOANS JUNE Sock troops! LANDON [machine] Is this some kind of a sick joke? Turning THEM against ME? SECURITY Lay down the weapon and come along quietly, Top Hat. FRED Top hat? What is he, a Batman villain? MUSIC MOVIE ANNOUNCER He was a normal boring man. NORMAL MAN Hey honey - be late tonight. MOVIE ANNOUNCER With a normal boring Life. NORMAL MAN Yes, sir, I can get that done for you this afternoon. MOVIE ANNOUNCER Until the day he died. NORMAL MAN Excuse me - I feel - my chest - urk. SOUND THUMP, DROP PHONE, ERROR TONE MOVIE ANNOUNCER Now he was to work his way back to the top, against all odds... Coming soon-- NORMAL MAN [zombie moan] MOVIE ANNOUNCER --A NORMAL MAN starring Justin Bieber and an undead Jim Carrey. MUSIC JUNE [up, yelling] We're not with him! LANDON Toady. JUNE We DO work at Tammuz. LANDON This is Tammuz? SECURITY You have a count of 5 to put down the shotgun. ONE. [continues] TWO. THREE. FOUR. FRED Haven't you noticed the logo everywhere? LANDON My vision is ... strange. [musing] Tammuz. The one place I could never get into... FRED Not surprising. SECURITY FIVE! Get him! JUNE They won't shoot in here - too many things might blow up. LANDON What? Helping me? JUNE I love - loved your show. LANDON Don't be surprised if I'm back on the air soon. SOUND HIGH PITCHED WHISTLE FRED Ow! JUNE What the heck? SECURITY I said get him, you maggoty turds! Why are you stopping? LANDON huh. Funny how I knew to do that. MUSIC NOTE Ad also plays, under, at very slow speed - for the ambulates watching. EDNA Edna's chum on the go! Whenever you're out and about, and no time to get home and feed the ambulate in your life, drop round to Edna's Chum. We have the best quality, tastiest chum around - hot and fresh, just like mother might have made. Available for dine-in, drive through and even delivery! MUSIC PLASMUS They have him cornered in sector five, west corridor! Checkpoint X-14. I must reclaim the unit after they take the body down. SOUND PHONE RINGS DILL I'll catch up. You guys go on ahead. CHAMBERS Hah! You're not weaseling out that easily. DILL One sec [to phone] Yeah? Oh brilliant. That's just the cherry on top. SOUND HANGS UP CELL DILL [annoyed] Guess what? PLASMUS [threat] I have a taser here somewhere-- DILL Okay! Okay! There's a woman upstairs demanding her husband's body. And because this night isn't deep enough in the shit, I have a feeling she's related to-- CHAMBERS Oh IS she? [chuckles] We might be seeing daylight. Come on. MUSIC NIGERIAN SCAM With reverence I am contacting you. I hope you will overlook my poor typistry. I am a recently deceased individual that managed to conceal a large sum of money before joining rank one of the walking dead. MUSIC SECURITY Tell me you saw that, too. FRED You mean how he just, like, whistled and all the zombies trotted off after him like the pied piper of Hamlet? JUNE Hamlin. SECURITY Yeah, that. Good. Now when I make my report, you two can back me up. FRED Oh, uh-- We were actually leaving. SECURITY I don't think so. JUNE Not Leaving leaving. We have to get back to our -uh- posts. SECURITY That's different. I'll give you an escort. FRED Oh, boy. SOUND DISTANT FOOTSTEPS PAMELA You! You there! I want a word with you! FRED Us? JUNE Him. you. SECURITY Oh, me. Yes ma'am? PAMELA You look like someone in charge here. You will tell me where my husband's body is! JUNE Oh that. He went thataway. PAMELA WHAT? MUSIC ZOMBIE LIB If you can understand this, you are one of us, my zombie brother or sister. Come to the house with three crescent moons over the door, and we will guide you safely to our side of the wall. Liberty for all! MUSIC SOUND SHOTGUN SHOT INTO CEILING LANDON I'm done fucking around. You let us past, or the next shot brings you to OUR bloody side! COP I can't! I-- the door is on autolock! Please, uh, mister - I got a wife and kids-- LANDON You stupid little shit! I have - had a wife to, but whatever genius did this-- PAMELA [off a bit] Landon? LANDON Oh my god. Pamela? PAMELA What did they-- [more concerned than panic] your head! LANDON It's some insane experiment. I'm dead. PAMELA You can still see and hear me? [wonder] But you're not slowed? LANDON Yes, I-- [REMEMBER STUPID ZOMBIE DOG ALL THIS TIME] COP Sorry, sir, but I have to-- SOUND SHOT ZOMBIEDOG Leaps in the way of the bullet, body drops and hat goes flying, COP Oh, shit. LANDON Give me a minute, dear. PAMELA [furious] Give me your gun. LANDON No need. SOUND WHISTLE ZOMBIES [attack] COP I was - I didn't - oh! LANDON Poor stupid animal. PAMELA If not for that thing, you'd be dead. LANDON I'll take this. SOUND PICKS UP TOP HAT CHAMBERS [coming in] No, we'll take that. Both of them, in fact. MUSIC ZOMBIE MAN Look at me. Now look at your zombie. Now look back at me. Your zombie will never look as good as me, but it can smell as good as me, with special deodorant soap from--[danar?] MUSIC FRED [quiet] back away, quietly. JUNE [quiet] If we can just get past the corner... LANDON Who the fuck do you think you are? FRED Helps that he's keeping their attention. CHAMBERS We're the owners of that gadget you're currently wearing, and we want it back. YOU, on the other hand, are expendable. LANDON And you think I'm afraid of your gun? If anyone knows how durable the undead are, I should bloody well think it was me. FRED [quiet] I'm clear! JUNE Just a bit more... SOUND GUNSHOT CHAMBERS The next one goes into HER. JUNE [off] Her? [gasp, then relieved] Oh - her - his wife. LANDON You wouldn't. PLASMUS You might want to consider-- CHAMBERS Shut up - this is all your fault anyway. PLASMUS But-- LANDON Get behind me, dearest. PAMELA He can't be mad enough to shoot me! CHAMBERS Oh, I'm flipping furious, lady! LANDON She doesn't mean that kind of "MAD", you festering moronic baboon! MUSIC INTERVIEWER We have an interview with someone actually on the scene. What precisely was going on? JUNE It was pandemonium! The ambulates were just walking away after the ... uh, stranger. Interviewer Like the pied piper of hamlin? JUNE Or like spartacus. FRED And when Mr. Chambers - I mean the defendant - shot Mrs. Frost-- JUNE We're not supposed to talk about that! FRED That's why they're pixilating our faces, isn't it? JUNE That's next week's interveiw - this one is live! FRED Oh shit. Oh! INTERVIEWER Now that you've started, you might as well finish. What happened next? JUNE [exasperated sigh] There goes our exclusive! MUSIC SOUND GUNSHOT LANDON Bastards! SOUND HIGH PITCHED WHISTLE SOUND ZOMBIE MOANS IN RESPONSE LANDON [snarl] Bring me THAT one! PLASMUS Which? Oh! CHAMBERS Stay back! PAMELA [expiring] Landon? It hurts! LANDON Hold on, dearest. Keep breathing. SOUND GUNSHOT SOUND ZOMBIE MOANS CHAMBERS Get out of my way, you maggots! FRED Come ON, June! JUNE I have to see how it ends! SOUND GUN SHOT JUNE [gasp] Or not! SOUND ZOMBIES MOAN PLASMUS Let go! don't touch me! Ew! Does anyone have some purell? PAMELA [very weak] Landon? What- [gasp] what are you thinking? LANDON Is it hard to implant the top hat device? PLASMUS It's quite simple really - the connections are made remotely inside the wiring, so the longer it is on, the more enmeshed the interfaces become-- LANDON Take this. SOUND CLANG OF DOG'S UNIT PLASMUS What do you--? [realizing] Oh. MUSIC INTERVIEWER But the zombies didn't harm Mr. Chambers? JUNE He wanted - Landon wanted for him to stand in a human court for trial. FRED He said something about rotting in hell, but his accent was getting really thick. JUNE He was crying! FRED He's a computer. I mean, the voice, at least, is computerized. Why would it get choked up? INTERVIEWER [to camera] Even now, Chambers is standing trial for the murder of Mrs. Pamela Frost. While the videographic evidence is very convincing, the lack of an actual body has been a point hammered on by the defense. MUSIC SOUND CRACKLE of STATIC, THEN FOCUS SOUND [both are clearly computerized] LANDON Can't broadcast too long, don't want you to trace us. PAMELA We want to reach out to everyone who has been affected by the blight that is Tammuz. LANDON Know this - relief is coming soon. For now, just walk away, wherever you are. We'll find you. PAMELA And Merry Christmas, everyone. SOUND HIGH PITCHED WHISTLE SOUND ZOMBIE MOANS FILL SOUNDSCAPE END

tv time head man body speaking batman funny celebrities trade original zombies champion hurt senior momentum fuck results justin bieber kevin macleod mad breakdown cricket jim carrey concerned chambers mister hamlet activists apologize static r d implants corpse rolf interviewer ew dill old lady oo whoo chum top hat hah reissue heh tammuz mike campbell incompetech music sounds big bob animates drat court report julie hoverson nocturne boulevard hi yah project top scene change june it jackie you jackie it june please june just

THE TORCH OF LIBERTY

HOT COPY RADIO THEATER

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 11, 2022 42:29

An angry mob, in a small town, believes that a local German-American family are Nazi agents, that blew up an aircraft factory.Newspaperwomen Anne Rogers and Spritely Poole unravel the truth.Adapted from the script of a lost episode of the radio drama “Hot Copy”.Original broadcast on Sunday, December 5th, 1943.OUR CAST:Rhonda Sigler-Ware … Anne Rogers. Samantha Thompson … Spritely Poole.Erin Suminsby ... Martha Wallace Christian Neuhaus … David Wallace.Jerry Kokich … Papa Schneider and Officer O'Malley.Julie Hoverson ... Mama Schneider.Chrisi Talyn Saje ... Mrs. Brent.Angelique Bone ... Mrs. Poole.Miss Kit Caren ... Kitty.Scott Barry ... Joe.George Worrall ... the Factory Manager.Frank Guglielmelli ... Mr. Schmidt.Dan Ware ... Mr. Weinbaum.The following voices were also heard on this episode:David Robbins …Jeff Richardson …John R. Worsley … Aaron Ratzan Emily A. ColeDuane Parker Ethan HortonandLogan Smith ... Announcer.Jim Goodluck ... Producer / Director / Audio Editor.SOUND EFFECTS CREDITS:Freesound.orgThunder Tube - Inspector JCONTACT US!If you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please feel free to email:hotcopyradiotheater@gmail.comTwitter: @hotcopyradioFacebook page:https://www.facebook.com/HotCopyRadioTheater Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

original nazis acast schmidt torch announcers poole adapted german american weinbaum julie hoverson angelique bone

The Gift of the Zombi by Julie Hoverson (with a wink and a nod to O. Henry) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 8, 2022 35:04

Ben and Mia, young zombies in love, search for the perfect xmas present in a world of the walking dead. Cast List Mia - Brenda Dau Ben - Derek M. Koch of Mail Order Zombie Geek - Glen Hallstrom Tick - Frankenvox Chuck - Bob Noble Andy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Doris - Julie Hoverson Sheri - Crystal Thomson Ted - J. Spyder Isaacson Voicebox - Beverly Poole Fred & Bob - Big Anklevich & Rish Outfield of Dunesteef Audio Magazine Ben's Double - Danar Hoverson Mia's Double - Julie Hoverson Other zombies: Al Aseoche, Jacquie Duckworth, Reynaud LeBoeuf, Jack Hosley, Sidney Williams, Glen Hallstrom, Bob Noble, Brian Weingartner, Ferguson and family, Robyn Keyes, Kim Poole, Michael Hudson. Music by Jason Shaw (Audionautix.com) Show theme: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an apartment on the wrong side of town, can't you tell?" ******************************************************************************************** GIFT OF THE ZOMBI Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Mia, zombie (20s) dating Ben Ben, zombie (20s) dating Mia Ted, zombie (30s), Mia's horny neighbor Andy, henpecked zombie (40s) Doris, Andy's wife (40s) Geek, a broker (30s) Sheri, a lovelorn friend (20s) Tick, an unscrupulous intact (human, 30s) Fred, a zombie (any) Bob, another zombie (any) Chuck, overseer zombie (any) Voicebox - mechanical translator ALL ZOMBIES (unless noted as exceptions, below) have dual vocal tracks - the "zombie-voice" track, which is unintelligible, but vaguely mirrors the normal voice and events, and the "mind voice" (sounds like a voiceover), which is how they sound to each other. /n = normal"mind voice" /z = "zombie voice" There are places where we only hear the zoombie voice. Exceptions: DORIS has no "mind voice", just incoherent shrieks GEEK only has a zombie voice, but he is clearly understandable, if still zombie-like TICK is human, and has no zombie-voice. NOTE: The zombie apocalypse has come and been dealt with more or less. Zombies might still attack humans, if they see them, but humans tend to live in the walled cities and have become somewhat mythological to the zombies outside. Zombies still are self-aware, but they think and speak so very slowly that they are difficult for humans to understand. Conversely, to a zombie, humans seem to speak incredibly fast - almost incomprehensibly so. That's why humans developed the voicebox to take what they say and slow it down enough for a zombie to understand. OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a crumbling apartment building, can't you tell? MUSIC SCENE 1. MIA'S APARTMENT SOUND WIND-UP ALARM GOES OFF SOUND FLIES IN THE B/G THROUGHOUT MIA/Z [distant moan of awakening, which continues, sporadically, punctuating the narrative] MIA/n I hate Mondays. SOUND ALARM SLAPPED OFF TABLE, STOPS RINGING SOUND STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS MUSIC VAGUE WARPED CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYS SOMEWHERE MIA/n It doesn't help that it's two days til Christmas and I haven't got Ben his present. MIA/z [roar of anger] SOUND SOMETHING CRASHES TO FLOOR, GLASS BREAKS. MIA/N The holidays just bring out the worst in me. SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE MIA/N [sigh] Checking my stitches in the mirror - nice to see nothing weird happened in the night. I love the hot pink against my pale skin. [beat] I know I'm swimming against the tide, but I still like to look nice, even when no one else gives a hang. They're welcome to run around unwashed, in raggedy-ass clothes, just leaves more Prada for me. SOUND SPRAY CAN PSSHT, FLIES STOP, TINY DROPPING NOISES MIA/n A little spray - no water, that's just asking for mold - and I'm ready to face the day. SOUND [under the next] SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS OUT OF BATHROOM AGAIN, STRUGGLES FEET INTO SHOES, NOW SHAMBLING FEET ARE IN HEELS. MIA/n Ben's gift is the big problem. I know what I want to get him, but it won't come cheap. There just aren't that many floating around out there. MUSIC SCENE 2. OUTSIDE SOUND NO TRAFFIC. JUST BIRDS, SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS, OR OCCASIONAL BREAKING THINGS. SOUND STRUGGLE WITH OBJECTS, THINGS FALL AWAY BEN/z [moans, fighting his way to his feet] BEN/n [hungover sounding] Wow, what did I do last night? BEN/z [shake head noise] BEN/n Oh, crap - Mia'll be expecting me-- SOUND SHAMBLING FEET SPEED UP BEN/n For all her persnickityness, Mia is totally the greatest babe around, and I am sooo lucky that I'm the one she's into. I figured for the longest time that she was just slumming with a grot like me - right up until we really did it. Went whole hog and did the handfast. It's like always having a piece of her with me. [note: in this case, the handfast was actually trading hands. zombies can buy and sell body parts and trade them with one another] ANDY/z [morning] BEN/z [yo! How's it going?] ANDY/z [falling moan, ending in a squeal] BEN/n Don't I know it! Man, if ever a guy was whipped, Andy is the poster boy. He's gonna catch hell for not getting home to Doris last night. Almost tempting to stay and see the fray, but meeting Mia is the only thing on my maggoty little mind right now. MUSIC SCENE 3. MIA'S STAIRCASE SOUND BODY FALLS DOWN STAIRS, FOLLOWED BY THE CLATTER OF A SHOE. MIA/z [distraught moan] MIA/n Darn stair carpet. Darn heels. SOUND FEELING AROUND FOR THE SHOE AND PUTTING IT BACK ON MIA/n Alas, vanity doesn't come cheap. Ben loves my little foibles. He understands why it matters so much to me, to be beautiful for him. Looking back at my pink stitches, almost tripping as I crane my neck to see, I wonder whether he will like them as much as I do. SOUND SHAMBLING FEET IN HEELS AGAIN, ANOTHER SET OF FEET COMES ON TED/z [moan approaches, vaguely suggestive] MIA/z [dismissive moan] MIA/n Not today, Ted. I don't have time for any of your nonsense. TED/z [moan ending in a squeak/question] MIA/n I'm with Ben, Ted. You know that. I'm not giving up what I have with him. He has my hand, and my promise. He even has my heart ... just in the old-fashioned way. TED/z [mournful and pissed moan] MIA/n Yeah, yeah, yeah - if you were the last one on earth, maybe. MIA/z [roar/moan as she brushes him aside] SOUND STUMBLING FEET QUICKLY TO DOOR, SLAMS OPEN, TUMBLES THROUGH MIA/z [roar of triumph] MIA/N First time!! [made it on the first try!] This is gonna be a great day! MUSIC SCENE 4. OUTSIDE, NEAR BEN ANDY/z [cursing groan] ANDY/n Come on, Ben. Doris likes you! If I say you needed my help, she'll buy it! BEN/z [dismissive groan] SOUND SHAMBLING FEET MOVING AWAY, STUMBLING AFTER ANDY/z [dude] ANDY/N Dude! Come on-- DORIS/z [distant strident squeal] ANDY/n Oh, crap! SOUND SOMETHING WET SPLATS ON PAVEMENT, THEN DISTANT FEET APPROACHING ANDY/z [strange gurgling warble] ANDY/n [sigh] I lose more tongues that way. DORIS/z [strident squeal, closer] MUSIC SCENE 5. OUTSIDE NEAR MIA'S BUILDING SOUND HIGH HEEL SHAMBLE MIA/z [low moan] GEEK/z [he speaks clear enough to understand, but still zombie-like] [hey, fingers!] MIA/z [quizzical] MIA/n Yeah, what's it to you? GEEK/z [you got any to spare?] MIA/n No! I like mine right where they are. GEEK/z [get you a good price. Fingers are always top value.] MIA/z [sharp moan of anger] MIA/n Look - these five are my boyfriend's, and this one says-- MIA/z [fuck you] GEEK/z [you'll be back [louder] they always come back!!] MIA/n Damn parts brokers - [jealous] always have the best tongues. MUSIC SCENE 6. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE [note: throughout the rest of the show, unless otherwise noted, appropriate zombie noises play under] MIA [calling] Hey babycakes! BEN [off] Yo sweet thang! SOUND PLODDING FOOTSTEPS COME TOGETHER MIA Mm. Missed you! BEN Double that. SOUND DISGUSTING SLOPPY LICKY KISSY NOISES MIA [mild slurp, then hot] You are such a good kisser. BEN Don't know how I'd get up each day without you to look forward to. MIA [giggles] BEN Let's walk. Want to show you something. MIA Oh? Well, I've got a little time before hitting the old treadmill. BEN You know I'd support you if I could-- MIA I like looking after my own needs. [flirting] Leaves you to look after my wants. BEN Ooh! MUSIC SCENE 7. OUTSIDE, NEAR STORE SOUND PLODDING FEET MIA I should have worn more convenient shoes. BEN Sorry! Almost there. MIA What is...it...? [awe] Oh! BEN I thought you might say that. Just saw them. Of course, they're not cheap. MIA [drooling -- zombie noises under get really slobbery] Patent leather, thigh high - oh, I'd never have to take them off! BEN The heels aren't too high, are they? MIA [sigh of ecstasy] I love stacks... MUSIC SCENE 8. OUTSIDE, Later BEN [bummed] I was right, she loved the boots. ANDY And how much did you say they were? BEN More than I've had in living memory. ANDY At any one time? BEN EVER. ANDY Woah. Well, suppose you can hit the mills like the rest of us schmoes - if you're truly that desperate. BEN [scoff noise] The mills? It'd take me ten years - and they'd probably sell by then. ANDY What, then? Go out snatching? That's pretty much your only other option. BEN [sighs] I thought I might ask around, see what I could borrow-- ANDY Woah, there! You know Doris holds the purse strings! BEN If I was going to snatch anyone, I'd snatch her - she's got enough body for three. ANDY [musing] You know... That's not a bad idea. BEN [disturbed] Serious? ANDY Nah. I'd fall apart without her keeping me moving. I guess that's love. BEN [agreeing hmph] MUSIC SCENE 9. TREADMILLS SOUND HEAVY WHIRRING NOISE UNDER. DISTANT NORMAL STREET SOUNDS MIA Hey! OTHER ZOMBIES [Morning!] [nice to see you!] [Mia! Looking good!] SOUND MANY PLODDING FEET MIA Hey Chuck! Got a space? CHUCK For you? Always, babe. Wanna lose the heels first? MIA Brought my work shoes. Just need a moment at the bench. CHUCK I'd offer to help, but...[chuckles] Thank god for velcro, eh? MIA Hah! I have all my fingers. CHUCK [chuckles] Coulda fooled me - [teasing] That looks like your fellow's hand...? MIA [chuckles] Jealous? MUSIC SCENE 10. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE [note - Ben has zombie noises under, geek does not - he always sounds like a zombie trying to talk] GEEK [Psst.] BEN What? GEEK [heard you were having some money troubles.] BEN What's it to you? GEEK [I might be able to help you with that.] BEN I don't think so. I don't have anything I feel like selling. GEEK [You got some extra fingers. An entire hand that looks... spare] BEN No way. Man! That's - that's Mia's hand! I should smack you with it just for suggesting that! GEEK [Hey! I don't want no trouble! I'm just a businessman!] BEN [spits out the word] Businessman. You're a parts broker. GEEK [Yeah, and we both know you come to me when you need something, then you spit on me when I try to help you out.] SOUND SHUFFLING FEET START TO LEAVE BEN Wait. GEEK [what?] BEN What - what's in high demand? GEEK [What?] BEN I mean, if I was... going to sell something ...just if... what would you be [reluctant, forcing the words out] paying the best prices for? GEEK [[chuckles] See? When you need me--] BEN Cut the crap and tell me. GEEK [Appendages are always good. Fingers, noses, ears. And soft parts, like tongues and, uh.... [suggestive] you know.] BEN [gulp] GEEK [Toes not so much - most just get by without - unless you have a complete foot somewhere - those are collectible, but only in pristine condition. Eyes are pretty good, and you hardly need two.] BEN What about parts that - aren't mine? GEEK [Stolen parts? What makes you think I trade dirty?] BEN Your type always does. GEEK [[pissed again] My type? My type? I think you just talked yourself out of a good deal, pal.] BEN Shit, I-- GEEK [incoherent roar, as he leaves] MUSIC SCENE 11. TREADMILL AMB - underlying zombies moans, many many plodding feet MIA [no specific moaning for this speech] Being on the treadmill gives you plenty of time to think. You stare at the back of the guy in front of you and wonder what's going through his head. Ben doesn't like the nine to five, but I figure - heck, you gotta do something, and if you feel the urge to walk, might as well get paid for it, right? SOUND SOMEONE CLIMBS ON THE TREADMILL [vocals have zombie noises under again] TED Hey Mia! MIA [sigh] Hi Ted. TED Funny running into you here. Shove over? MIA Right. Like I don't do this every day. No room. SHERI Hey Mia! [warm] Hey Ted. TED [dismissive] Sheri. [wheedling] Come on, Mia, squeeze in a little. There's space next to you if you make room. MIA Sorry, Ted [she's not]. Been saving that for... Sheri. SHERI Huh? TED Sheri won't mind - will you? SHERI I - I guess not... MIA Oh, no Ted. We have girl talking to do. Bye-bye. Hop up Sheri. TED Fine. See you at end of shift? MIA [muttered] Not if I see you first. SOUND TED FLOPS OFF MIA [up] I don't know what you see in him, Sher. SHERI Neither do I. Pheromones I guess. MIA Well, he does smell. SHERI [on an ecstatic sigh] Yes. MIA [ugh] Hey, Sher, I gotta problem. SHERI Oh? [horrified] You didn't... break up with Ben? MIA No! Why would you say that? SHERI Nothing. MIA Did you hear something, or are you just worried that Ted might somehow luck out and catch me on the rebound? SHERI Um. The second one. MIA Kinda thought so. O-K, passing over your insecurity, can we discuss my problem? SHERI [relieved] Sure! MIA I found the perfect present for Ben, and I don't know how I'm gonna afford it. SHERI You mean...um...what you said he's missing? MIA Yeah. All his fleshy parts haven't lasted so well - I keep telling him that sleeping rough isn't good for him, but he hates being cooped up. Says being nibbled on by rats is preferable to a cage. SHERI You live in a cage? MIA He means an apartment. SHERI Oh. Well, I'm sure he looks fine without one. You see plenty of missing ones out there every day. [NOTE: they're discussing noses, but it makes it sound like something more suggestive] MIA I know, but he would - well, from things he's said, he would actually LIKE one. Make him feel like a new man. I thought I might get him one of those artificial ones - you know, cast in plastic? In a skin tone, though - not one of those weird colored ones. SHERI They're all the rage with the trendoids these days, the neon ones. I guess they figure if it's gonna look fakey, might as well make a statement. And some of them get freakishly big. MIA Well, I found a place to get something real high quality. Won't look fake at all. They'll even tint it to match his skin. And it won't rot or fall off. Guaranteed to last. Not even a nibble. SHERI It won't make him smell any better. MIA No, but I get the feeling he would be more secure in our relationship if he - well - if he fit more the image he thinks I'd go for. SHERI Someone with all their parts? MIA Oh, heck. I'd love Ben with or without any number of parts, but he seems to think I'd like him better if he actually had a nose. SHERI [hmm] I could maybe loan you a little-- MIA No, this guy charges a bunch. I'm actually tempted to sell a part or two - something I don't use, or not so much, you know? SHERI Don't go there. Starts out simple, a finger here, an ear there, and then - voila! You end up checking people in at work like "Chuck, the torso" - stuck in admin cuz you got no limbs left. Or worse - that guy who talks out his neck since he woke up one morning and his head was gone. MIA [sigh] You're probably right. MUSIC SCENE 12. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE AMB SLIGHT ECHO - AND A DRIP SOMEWHERE SOUND FLOPPY STEPS IN WATER [note Tick speaks slowly and has no zombie echo, Ben sounds completely zombie - no voice over - for this scene TICK You looking for me? BEN [gasp] [what?] SOUND STUMBLE FLOPPY STEPS IN WATER TICK Don't bother - just stand still. BEN [you're a - an intact?] TICK And you're a dead lump of shit, but maybe we can help each other. BEN [moan of acceptance] TICK Good. Now stay quiet while I tell you what we're doing here. BEN [slurpy gasp] TICK That's disgusting. But I need a heap like you to front for me. I have some... parts... to be disposed of, but I can't just wander into maggotville myself. BEN [Why me?] TICK My source says you're tough and desperate. And stupid. BEN [stifled annoyed noise] TICK So maybe he's wrong. BEN [I am desperate] TICK [snort] Fine. Here's the deal - I don't give a flying fluck about your crappy corpse cash. On the other hand, I like having folks - dead or alive - who owe me. BEN [What you need from me?] TICK I'll tell you when it comes up. Right now, I just need this bag of ... parts to vanish. BEN [It's illegal.] TICK [cajoling] They're nice and fresh. [impatient] Fine. Clock is ticking. Tick tock. Tick tock. You even remember what "time" is, maggot? BEN [It's almost Christmas. [beat] I'll do it.] MUSIC SCENE 13. TREADMILL SOUND TREADMILL, FEET PLODDING SHERI You ever wonder what they do over there? MIA [lost in a daze] Hmm? Over the wall? SHERI Yeah. The [awed whisper] In-tacts? MIA Don't know. Don't care. Except for when they come over here and drag off my friends, I say leave them alone. SHERI But you do believe in them, don't you? MIA Believe in them? What's to believe - we see them marching on the wall, and they're the ones who shell out for us to walk on this damn treadmill day and night. They're as real as ... as... shoes. SHERI Some say we all came from in-tacts, way back when. MIA [lightly sarcastic] Yes, and a wasp nest in your head is a sign of good luck and not just poor hygiene. I swear Sheri, you'll believe anything. SHERI You believe they carry people off, though? MIA Well, yeah - we've all seen that. They appear from nowhere, in those dark helmets and suits, and by the time you catch your breath, someone's vanished. SHERI [awed] I saw one once. MIA A kidnapping? SHERI An in-tact. MIA [half-teasing, half worried] You know, they say if you mentioned them three times, they'll appear out of thin air. SHERI [agreeing, distant] They are really fast. MIA [exasperated] Sheri! Don't-- SHERI I did, though! I really saw one. Not just in a suit and helmet like they usually are, but one right... up... close. MIA [sighs, feels her pain] Tell me about it? SHERI It was a guy, I think, and the funny part is he looked so much like a regular person. Just that he was so fast and he was - well - he had everything. His skin was perfect, no holes or anything, and it was this warm rosy color. I... yearned to touch him, but when I reached out, he turned and ran away. MIA [uncertain] That...must have been ....weird. SHERI [almost teary] It was like I saw an angel, and it saw something horrible in me. MIA Oh, Sheri-- SHERI Maybe that's why Ted won't love me? Because I'm horrible inside? MIA Aw, Sheri. [reassuring] We're all horrible inside. And if anyone's seen an angel here and not realized it, Ted's the one. He sees you every day and misses out every time he turns his back. SHERI [sniff sniff] MUSIC SCENE 14. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE SOUND BAG PASSED WITH A SQUISH GEEK [you sure you don't want any of them?] BEN [upset] I... don't need any girl parts, thanks. GEEK [Squeamish? All you had to do was lug a bunch of fresh merchandise here to my humble workshop.] BEN I've never.... felt... they were so [disgusted] warm. GEEK [Fresher just means it'll last longer. Nothing more. You want your pay or not?] BEN [down] Yeah. MUSIC SCENE 15. TREADMILL SHERI --you know that guy Sam I was dating? MIA [worn down] Yeah? SHERI And how he was always mouthing off about-- SOUND WHISTLE, END OF SHIFT MIA [heartfelt] Oh yesss! What a relief! SHERI [not getting it] Yeah! Let's go somewhere - I was in the middle of telling you about Sam. MIA [almost panicky] Nah, save it for next time - I have to meet up with Ben. SHERI It's so great to have someone to talk to while we walk - Tomorrow, same time? MIA [transparently lying] Sure! Oh, no - wait - I promised I would do this thing with Ben tomorrow. SHERI What thing? MIA [panicky, trying to cover] You mean I didn't mention the thing? I--uh-- SOUND DISTANT ZOMBIE NOISES AND SCREAMS SHERI What the--? MIA Come on! SOUND SLOW PLODDING. LARGE GROUP OF ZOMBIES GATHERING MUSIC SCENE 16. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE SOUND SLOW PLODDING, ONE SET OF FEET ANDY [distant] Ben! Ben! BEN [sigh] SOUND PLODDING STOPS BEN Yeah? SOUND ANDY'S FEET APPROACH ANDY [panicky] Ben, man, am I glad to see you - it's Doris! Jeez, she slipped and I think something's broken! BEN [muttered] Lucky you. [up] What do you mean? ANDY Her leg - it snapped and now she can't get up! What am I gonna do, Ben? BEN Andy, Doris is such a-- ANDY I know I know. She gives me hell and treats me like a dog, but what can I do, Ben, I love her! You gotta help me. I'll do anything! BEN Let me take a look. MUSIC SCENE 17. ALTERCATION SOUND LOTS OF SHAMBLING FEET, MOANS MIA What happened? SHERI Where's everyone going? FRED It's one of the overseers! MIA An in-tact? What happened? BOB I seen the whole thing! He fell off the wall and someone made a grab fer him! SHERI Oh no! FRED Oh, yeah! He's somewhere in the middle of the dogpile there. MIA Isn't anyone helping? BOB What are you, some kind of pervert? This is an [spits out the word] In-tact. [excited] They're tearing him apart! MIA We should get out of here! SHERI B-but - They're gonna kill him! MIA [sad] I know, and there's nothing we can do about it. And we want to be out of here before they bring out the big guns. SOUND DRAGGING, SHUFFLING AWAY FROM THE FRACAS SHERI But what if he's that same one I saw before? MIA By now - you probably wouldn't know him. MUSIC SCENE 18. ANDY'S PLACE DORIS [squeals piteously] BEN Yep, that's a bad one. Twisted all up like this. ANDY Can't we do anything? BEN I'm no reconstructor. Maybe some duct tape and a stick? DORIS [Squeals angrily] ANDY He's just trying to help, honeybuunny. BEN Yeah, chill honeybunny. DORIS [squeals again, sort, sharp, warning.] ANDY [quiet] You gotta help me, Ben - you're the only one I can turn to! BEN Jeez Andy... [sigh] You'll pay me back? ANDY You know I'm good for it! Soon as that leg's on, we'll both hit the treads every day til we cover it. BEN [down] Sure. I-- ANDY Yes? BEN [muttered] I didn't like the way it felt anyway. [up] Here. SOUND PACKAGE CHANGES SLOPPY HANDS ANDY What - is it? BEN Enough to get her fixed up - you might go ahead and get her a new tongue while you're at it. ANDY [very quiet] Oh. No. Let's not go completely overboard... MUSIC SCENE 19. OUTSIDE, LATER, TOGETHER SOUND OUTSIDE. SHUFFLING FEET APPROACH MIA There you are - I was beginning to worry. SOUND BODY FALLS TO THE GROUND "ben relaxes" BEN [oof, then] It's been a really... weird day. SOUND BODY FALLS TO THE GROUND "mia relaxes" MIA [oof, then agreeing] Tell me about it. BEN [muttered] I would if I could. MIA Hmm? BEN Nah. Doris broke her leg and Andy needed help with getting her fixed up. MIA They better get her a good big leg. She goes through so darn many. BEN Really? It's happened before? MIA Every couple of years. I think the last time was before you showed up here. BEN I am such a sucker. MIA Whenever you start thinking like that, just look at Andy. That'd make anyone feel superior. BEN You always know just the right thing to say. MIA Can't help it. We're in tune. BEN Yeah, I guess we are. About Christmas-- MIA Don't worry - I love the boots! BEN Oh, the boots... MIA But only if you can afford them. If you can't, I might be able to get them myself. [sexy] You still get to enjoy them, though. BEN [grim] I'll get them-- MIA [sorry] I was just teasing. BEN Don't worry. [softening] Like I said, it's been a really strange day. MUSIC SCENE 20. SEWER AGAIN TICK [really fast] Yeah what? BEN [slow gasp] TICK [fast] crap. [deliberately going slower, down to normal speed] What do you want? BEN Geek said you have another job? TICK Not so much a job as a favor. BEN Need money. TICK What happened to the packet I gave you before? Never mind - don't want to know. [speeding up a bit] Look. I'm not some magic money tree. BEN Oh. TICK [slowing again] See right now, you owe me a favor - but I can be gracious about it. You give me what I need, and I will advance you what you need against the next job I give you. Sound good? BEN [carefully articulating] You pay now for next job if I do favor? TICK There you go. [quick] not so damn stupid after all. MUSIC SCENE 21. MIA'S APARTMENT SOUND ALARM CLOCK SOUND KNOCKED OFF TABLE MIA [just like at beginning] I hate Mondays. SOUND DOORBELL RINGS MIA Huh? MIA/Z coming! SOUND BAREFOOT SHUFFLE SOUND DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN, QUICKLY AND REPEATEDLY MIA/Z Hold your damn horses! SOUND DOORKNOB FUMBLES, DOOR IS SLAMMED OPEN. SOUND BODY FALLS MIA/Z [annoyed] hey! SOUND FEET MOVE QUICKLY INTO APARTMENT, SLAM DOOR MIA/Z [scared] Who are you--? SOUND SUPER-QUICK WHISPERED VOICES IN BACKGROUND VOICEBOX [mechanical voice] You were at the altercation near the wall yesterday. MIA/z uhhh VOICEBOX Yes or no. We ask yes or no questions. Answer yes or no. MIA/z yesss. VOICEBOX Did you take part-- MIA/z NO! VOICEBOX Did you see any of those who did? MIA/z [uncertain] no. VOICEBOX There was another female with you. Did it see anything? MIA Sheri? MIA/z No. VOICEBOX Please identify this female. MIA/z No. VOICEBOX That was not a question. Identify the female that was with you. MIA Yeah, right. MIA/z [incoherent moan] VOICEBOX Speak clearly. MIA/z Naaame isss [incoherent moan] VOICEBOX We are prepared to remove parts if you do not cooperate. SOUND STRUGGLE, KNIFE SNICKS OPEN MIA/z ohh! MIA No! that's Ben's! [the hand they're threatening] VOICEBOX Last chance. The name. MIA/z Naaame isss shhh-jerry VOICEBOX Jerry? MIA/z [reluctantly agreeing] Uh-huh. VOICEBOX Good. [commanding, disgusted] Let it go. SOUND BODY FLUNG TO FLOOR MIA/z [moans unhappily] SOUND FEET MARCH CRISPLY AWAY MUSIC SCENE 22. SEWER BEN You want WHAT? TICK Not like you'll miss it. BEN I-I don't-- TICK Hey, take it or leave it. You owe me, but not like I'm gonna wrestle you down and steal it from you. I got people - and your kind - who can do that for me. BEN When you need? TICK [irritated, speeding up] What do you mean when? You think I don't mean now? [like the crack of doom, slowly and clearly] Now! BEN Now... TICK Tick-tock. BEN [moans uncertainly, then glumly] yeah... MUSIC SCENE 23. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE MIA/z [muffled whispered moans] MIA Psst! SHERI Mia? What's with the getup? MIA Get over here! SOUND SHUFFLING SHERI/z [whiny querulous moan] SHERI What? MIA Ok, no one can see us-- SHERI You look like a clown. MIA Shh! Sheri, have any of the overseers [gulps] "talked" to you? SHERI In-tacts? No! MIA They found me. They'll find you. They want to know who killed that - in-tact - yesterday in the riot. SHERI Gary? Why? MIA No-no-no-no! I don't WANT to know who did it! They're asking, and they threatened to cut... off-- [sob] Th-they threatened me! SHERI [still not understanding it] Why? MIA They want to get the one who did it, I suppose! They'll come after you! SHERI How will they know to come for me? MIA [evasive] Well - how did - how did they know to come for me? SHERI Oh! MIA So now you're warned - stay away from the treadmill! SHERI [annoyed moan] MIA Well, I wanted to warn you. SOUND MIA STARTS TO WALK AWAY, STRANGELY LIMPING SHERI What's wrong? Mia? You're limping. MIA Nothing. Figured if I can't make the treadmill for a while, I'd need something to live on. SOUND STUMBLING FEET APPROACH SHERI and MIA [gasping moans] FRED [gasp] Oh, hey! Don't tell anyone I'm here. MIA They found you too? FRED I - I heard they're coming - how'd you know? SHERI We saw it happen. FRED Woah! You better hide. Least for a while. They're taking folks again. MUSIC SCENE 24. MIA'S APARTMENT BEN Mia? SOUND TAPPING ON DOOR, DOOR CREAKS OPEN BEN [worried now] Mia? TED [off, questioning moan] BEN You Ted? TED yeah [affirmative moan, voice getting clearer] BEN Where the hell's Mia? TED She took some stuff and left. What's it to you? SOUND SHUFFLE TURN BEN I'm Ben. TED Ugh! What the hell does she see in you? MUSIC SCENE 25. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE MIA [off a bit] Ben? BEN [phantom of the opera cringing noise] What? MIA Ben - I'm over here. BEN Mia - don't look. MIA [almost laughing] What? BEN Please. MIA All right. I'll close my eyes. BEN Thanks. SOUND SHUFFLING STEPS TO MIA BEN Why are you hiding? MIA I saw something - there are in-tacts maybe looking for me. I don't know. BEN They're just full of surprises, aren't they? MIA Are they? SOUND MOMENT OF JUST PLODDING ALONG TOGETHER BEN Helluva way to spend the holidays. MIA It is Christmas, isn't it? [beat] Can I look now? BEN No! [short barking laugh] I - I know it's silly for me to be vain, but, uh - I lost something. MIA I got you something! BEN Don't turn around-- Ohhhh. [disappointed] MIA [concerned] What happened? BEN Some guy named Gary needed a new face. MIA [concerned for him] I hope you got something good for it. BEN Actually I did. Take off your shoes. MIA [more panicked than should be] No! BEN Don't worry - I'll carry them for you. MIA No - I... I kind of needed to make a trade too. BEN Your leg--? MIA I guess feet with toes are sort of collectable. BEN Oh. I hope ... [chuckles] I hope you got something good for it. MIA [laughs a bit] SOUND STICKY SOUND AS SHE STROKES HIS RAW FLESH MIA At least you kept your lips. BEN Are you kidding? Had to keep those - they're my best feature. MIA Well, here's a new one, but I don't know how it will go on - you might have to wait until you have a place to hang it again. SOUND PACKAGE UNWRAPS, OPENS BEN It's beautiful. MIA It's latex. It won't rot or get chewed on by rats. I think I got the right color, but now - BEN It's a fine nose. MIA Not too big? I mean, I never saw you with-- BEN It's perfect. MIA We should get going. If they're still after me, we'll have to ... find some place else to-- BEN Waitaminute. Now you have to open yours. MIA Oh, you--! SOUND UNWRAPPING OF PAPER MIA The patent leather! BEN Yeah. You know, maybe you could brace and stuff them-- MIA It's just the one foot. BEN Ok, stuff the one, and still walk on it. MIA Not if we're going a long way - I don't want these puppies to get worn out on any stupid road trip. [ecstatic intake of breath] This is the best Christmas ever! BEN You know? I think you're right... Here, take my hand. MIA [teasing sweetly] That's my hand. BEN Come on. [grunt to help her up] MIA Which way? [their voices, along with their moaning and plodding footsteps, begin to slowly fade out] BEN A wise man once said "the sun never sets on those who ride into it". [the quote is from the end of Shock Treatment] MIA Which wise man was that? BEN Um.... MIA Are we talking like "three wise men" kind of wise man? BEN Um - no. I think it was... Richard O'Brien. MIA Who? BEN You know, the time warp guy. MIA Oh, man - I haven't been to THAT movie in months. CLOSER "The Gift of the Magi" is a famous story by O. Henry where a newlywed couple (around 1900) each sell something to buy the other a present - He sells his watch to get her a fancy hair comb and she sells her long hair to get him a new watch fob. The entire story is inspired by this.

christmas music man sound zombies starts identify geeks checking missed eyes clock hop editing ferguson won fingers nah guaranteed magi tick jealous twisted alas conversely patent businessman prada figured wink darn shove music scene ticktick jeez zombi reissue o henry ben ben michael hudson voicebox kevin macleod incompetech ben it julie hoverson ben you nocturne boulevard ben oh andy you ben thanks jason shaw audionautix chuck for jack hosley

Quail Seed (adapted by Julie Hoverson from a story by Saki) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week!

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2022 20:33

(sorry i missed a couple of weeks - been crazy busy) Quail Seed A timely tale of marketing and social networking. [Saki was often way ahead of his time!] Announcer - Jennifer Dixon Mr. Scarrick - John Lingard Jimmy - Will Watt Lucy - Tanja Milojevic [Lightning Bolt Theater] Boy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Man - Anthony D.P. Mann [Horror Etc.] Miss Fritten - Robyn Keyes Mrs. Greyes - Jennifer Dixon Mrs. Gordon - Judith Moore Gloria - Beverly Poole Other women - Julie Hoverson Music by Kevin McLeod (Incompetech.com) Picture by lucias_clay, found with help from Bill Jones. Quail Seed Cast: Announcer Mr. Scarrick, shopkeeper Jimmy, Assistant Lucy, Jimmy's girl Boy Man/Beard Miss Fritten Mrs. Greyes Mrs. Gordon Miss Jones Miss Smith Gloria Mrs. Lipping SAKI OPENING MUSIC SOUND SHOP DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS LUCY Hello? Helloooo? JIMMY [close] Morning, Lucy! LUCY [startled gasp] Jimmy! There you are. Bit... empty in here, isn't it? JIMMY [heavy sigh] A bit. LUCY But where are all the Christmas shoppers? JIMMY Shh! Whatever you do, don't ask that in front of Mr. Scarrick. You'll quite set him off. LUCY Oh! JIMMY It's all right, he's out at the moment. LUCY [impressed] He left you in charge? JIMMY [heavy sigh, morose] Only in the certainty that there won't be a stampede on our services. LUCY That bad, eh? JIMMY Quite. SOUND DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS Miss Smith Hello? SOUND QUICK STEPS JIMMY Yes? How may I assist you? Miss Smith [nervous] Oh, I was -um- just looking for a railway timetable? I'm going up to the city-- [breaks off] JIMMY Sorry. Clean out. Perhaps next week. MISS Smith Ah. Thank you. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, BELL DOOR LUCY You might have made a sale! JIMMY She just wanted to look. LUCY You don't know that. JIMMY [bitter admission] She's the fourth today. Everyone would rather take the train to town and shop in a big department store than [quoting] bother to take advantage of the convenience-- SOUND DOOR BELL MISS Jones Hello? JIMMY ...and that's five. MUSIC SOUND PUB SCARRICK The outlook is not encouraging for us smaller businesses. SOUND POURING DRINK SCARRICK These big concerns are offering all sorts of attractions to the shopping public which we couldn't afford to imitate, even on a small scale--reading-rooms and play-rooms and gramophones and Heaven knows what. BOY [normal, commiserating] People like shiny objects. SCARRICK And they don't care to buy half a pound of sugar nowadays unless they can listen to Harry Lauder and have the latest Australian cricket scores ticked off before their eyes. MAN Seems like quite a trip for sugar. SCARRICK With the big Christmas stock we've got in we ought to keep half a dozen assistants hard at work, but as it is my nephew Jimmy and myself can pretty well attend to it ourselves. In fact, I've left him in charge. I've never done that before. BOY I'm sure he'll be fine. SCARRICK [drinks] It's a nice stock of goods, too. I could run it all off in a few weeks time, but there's no chance of that--not unless the London line was to get snowed up for a fortnight before Christmas. MAN [musing] How you gonna keep them home on the farm? MUSIC SOUND SHOP DOOR, BELL MRS. GREYES --so tedious, but there it is, and what else is one to do? MISS FRITTEN We shall simply wait for the next-- SCARRICK May I help you ladies? MRS. GREYES Oh! [evasive] Really, we just stopped in to see about --- about-- MISS FRITTEN Bootlaces. MRS. GREYES Bootlaces! Yes! I've been in dire need of some-- SCARRICK [hearty] Of course. Over on the left wall, near the back. MRS. GREYES Of course. [whispering] You knew he'd try and sell us something if we came in here! Bootlaces indeed. I already have more laces than boots! MISS FRITTEN At least if we do make a purchase, they're small enough to carry when we go to-- MRS. GREYES Shh! SCARRICK Finding everything? MRS. GREYES Oh, yes. This is the best ... um... anchovy paste. Just what I was looking for. MISS FRITTEN Just lovely! SCARRICK Perhaps you ladies could help me. I was thinking of adding a little entertainment to the shop. MRS. GREYES Oh? SCARRICK I did have a sort of idea of engaging Miss Luffcombe to give recitations during afternoons; she made a great hit at the Post Office entertainment with her rendering of 'Little Beatrice's Resolve'. MISS FRITTEN [very uncertain] Oh, that would be ...just ... lovely. SOUND DOOR OPENS, BELL RINGS ODDLY SCARRICK What? SOUND ODD FOOTSTEPS ENTER SCARRICK [excusing himself] Your pardon. SOUND SCARRICK GOES TO THE COUNTER MRS. GREYES [whispered] Perhaps we should just do our shopping here. MISS FRITTEN But I'm in my best hat! MRS. GREYES Shh! Shh! Look at that! MISS FRITTEN What an odd looking boy. Brown as a nut, but we've not had sun in weeks! MRS. GREYES And those clothes. Like something out of the Arabian nights! SOUND CLANG BOY [accented now] Six pomegranates, please, and a packet of quail seed. MISS FRITTEN What's the bowl for? MRS. GREYES To carry the pomegranates? MISS FRITTEN Why not a string bag? MRS. GREYES Allergies? Shh! SCARRICK [business as usual] Here you are. We have some lovely pomegranates. MISS FRITTEN He doesn't even look surprised! MRS. GREYES The boy must have been here before. SOUND COIN SKITTERING, CAUGHT BOY The wine and figs were not paid for yesterday. Keep what is over of the money for our future purchases. SCARRICK [formal and serious] As you wish. SOUND BOY LEAVES, DOOR SHUTS SOUND SKITTERING OF LADIES FEET MISS FRITTEN [to Scarrick, hinting] A very strange-looking boy? SCARRICK [final] A foreigner, I believe. MRS. GREYES Does he shop here often? Surely there can't be much call for ...quail seed... at this time of year. SCARRICK It takes all sorts. SOUND DOOR OPENS SOUND HEAVY OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS MISS FRITTEN [gasp] MRS. GREYES Oh! [covering her consternation] Oh, I forgot those bootlaces! [hissed] Come on! SOUND THEY SKITTER AWAY MAN [accented] I wish for a pound and a half of the best coffee you have. SCARRICK [wary] Certainly sir. MRS. GREYES Look at that beard! MISS FRITTEN Like a comedy Russian. MRS. GREYES No, more like an ancient Assyrian. MISS FRITTEN Who do you think he is? MAN [suspicious] Has a dark-faced boy been here buying pomegranates? SCARRICK Can't say that I've seen anyone like that. MRS. GREYES Oh! [muffles self] MISS FRITTEN [whispered] How could he! SCARRICK [offhanded] We have a few pomegranates in stock, but there has been no real demand for them. MAN My servant will fetch the coffee as usual SOUND COIN SKITTERS, HEAVY FEET START TO WALK AWAY, THEN STOP MAN [very importantly] Have you, perhaps, any quail seed? GREYES AND FRITTEN [gasp] SCARRICK [unhesitating] No. we don't stock it. SOUND FEET WALK AWAY MRS. GREYES [whispered] What will he deny next? MISS FRITTEN And I always believed Mr. Scarrick to be such a truthful man. Heavens! He just presided at a lecture on Savonarola. SOUND DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES MRS. GREYES Don't let's bother about the 3.12. Let's dash, and talk this out at Laura Lipping's MISS FRITTEN Perhaps we should buy a few things first. Since we're here. MUSIC SOUND TEA MISS FRITTEN [recounting lusciously] Turning up the deep astrakhan collar of his long coat, the stranger swept out of the shop, with the air of a Satrap proroguing a Sanhedrim. MRS. LIPPING Do Satraps prorogue? MISS FRITTEN [coldly superior] Have you ever seen one that didn't? GLORIA I don't even know what a Sanhedrim is. Is it a dance? MISS FRITTEN It is a simile and hardly matters. Or do I mean an allegory? MRS. GORDON And the boy? MRS. GREYES I should have though him Greek, but after seeing that beard-- MRS. LIPPING They could have been unrelated. MISS FRITTEN Unrelated? And both asking for "quail seed"? Mark my words. There's something afoot. MRS. GREYES What bothers me most is this unprecedented streak of falsity in our local grocer! GLORIA I've never known Mr. Scarrick to prevaricate like that before! MRS. GREYES It's the influence of that artist that took the flat above the shop. Mark my words. [importantly] Bohemian. MRS. GORDON [tragically] I shall never again be able to believe what he tells me about the absence of colouring matter in the jam. MUSIC SOUND DOOR, BELL SOUND BROOM LUCY Jimmy? JIMMY Here. LUCY Goodness, it looks like a tornado touched down. JIMMY Fabulous, isn't it? LUCY But, what happened? JIMMY This afternoon, from tea onwards, we had a constant stream of shoppers. LUCY Is this something to do with the odd individuals who may or may not have been in this afternoon? JIMMY [overly innocent] Whom do you refer to? LUCY Come on! It's all over town. People talked about it at tea, and more people talked about it at supper. I expect they're all talking about it over Bridge even as we speak. The dark young man and the Beard. JIMMY Sounds a bit like a music hall act. LUCY [speculatively] Yes... yes, it does.... MUSIC AMBIENCE SHOP [MANY CUSTOMERS] MISS SMITH Is this the freshest jar of pickles? JIMMY Miss? I suppose so. MISS SMITH It looks a little dusty. JIMMY That would be my fault-- SCARRICK [commanding] Jimmy! JIMMY So sorry, must jump. MISS FRITTEN [whispered] Do you think they will return? MRS. GREYES I have it on good authority someone's rented that house at the far end of Plummergen. MISS FRITTEN But why should they come all this way to shop? MRS. GREYES [knowing] Plummergen drapers don't stock quail seed. MISS FRITTEN [getting it] Ah! SOUND REGISTER NOISE SCARRICK That will be three shillings and four pence. SOUND COINS MRS. LIPPING I'm looking for something interesting for a savory. Have you any-- SOUND GENERAL HUSH MRS. LIPPING [nervous] --any, um-- SCARRICK [as if nothing is amiss] I have some pickled olives. Imported from turkey. MRS. LIPPING Yes, anything. SOUND JAR SET DOWN, CASH REGISTER SOUND JABBER BEGINS AGAIN SOUND DOOR OPENS, BELL, JABBER SLOWLY DIES AWAY. SILENCE SOUND BOY WALKS IN. SOUND BOWL SET DOWN. SCARRICK [normal] What can I get for you today? BOY I require a pound of honey. SOUND BREATH BEING LET OUT ALL OVER BOY and - [quieter] and a packet of quail seed. SOUND GENERAL INTAKE OF BREATH, GIGGLE QUICKLY MUFFLED SCARRICK Very good, sir. SOUND CONVERSATIONS, FORCED LAUGHTER, BUT MUTED, LISTENING MISS FRITTEN [excited whisper] We might be living in the Arabian Nights. MRS. GREYES Hush! Listen! SOUND THINGS PLACED INTO BOWL, BOWL REMOVED, BOY STARTS TO LEAVE. SOUND QUICK FOOTSTEPS JIMMY [hurried, fraught with meaning] We have some very fine Jaffa oranges. Around behind here. SOUND QUICK SHUFFLE OF FEET SOUND DOOR OPENS, MAN STRIDES IN. SOUND GASPS SCARRICK [unperturbed] What may I get for you today, Sir? MAN A pound of dates and a tin of the best Smyrna halva. MISS FRITTEN Halva? What is that? MRS. GREYES It comes from Smyrna - that's figs, isn't it, Smyrna is? GLORIA Who would want dates AND figs? MRS. LIPPING Hush. SCARRICK There you are. MAN hmm [evaluating noise] Yes. SOUND COINS DROPPED MAN Has the dark-faced boy, of whom I spoke yesterday, been here to-day? GLORIA [stifled squeak of excitement] SCARRICK We've had rather more people than usual in the shop to-day... but I can't recall a boy such as you describe. SOUND [gasps] MRS. GREYES [satisfied] Didn't we say? MISS FRITTEN It's too too terrible. MUSIC TEA MRS. GREYES It is deplorable that anyone - particularly someone in a position such as Mr. Scarrick -should treat the truth as an article temporarily and excusably out of stock. MISS FRITTEN More quail seed! Those quails must be voracious! [realizing] or else... perhaps it isn't quail seed at all. MRS. GREYES I believe it's opium, and the bearded man is a detective. MRS. LIPPING I don't. I'm sure it's something to do with the Portuguese Throne. MISS FRITTEN More likely to be a Persian intrigue on behalf of the ex-Shah. The bearded man belongs to the Government Party. The quail-seed is a countersign, of course; Persia is almost next door to Palestine, and quails come into the Old Testament, you know. GLORIA [exasperated] Only as a miracle. [knowing] I've thought all along it was part of a love intrigue. MRS. LIPPING I distinctly saw a snarl of baffled rage as the man departed, sandwiched between that heavy moustache and upturned astrakhan collar. GLORIA I can't imagine that that boy is the guilty party here. Much more likely he's simply perishing of love for someone - perhaps the daughter of the beard, but the match is quite unsuitable-- MISS FRITTEN Honey and pomegranates - of course!!! MUSIC SHOP, NIGHT, QUIET SOUND DOOR, BELL JIMMY [calling from off] Closed! LUCY I know, mutton head. JIMMY Oh, Lucy! SOUND BROOM DOWN, STEPS LUCY Another busy day? JIMMY The busiest. Another day or two of brisk trade and we'll be--[cut off with a gasp] SOUND KISS LUCY [laughing] I was here today, you know. JIMMY [uneasy] Oh? LUCY [indulgent] You were quite the hero. Hustling that poor young man off behind the biscuit tins in the very nick of time. JIMMY [flustered] Well, I have a good view of the street from my post at the cheese and bacon counter. LUCY [pouty] Jimmy. Have you EVER known me to gossip? JIMMY You, Lucy? I don't think so. LUCY Quite a vote of confidence. JIMMY I didn't mean that-- [sigh] No. No I've never known you to gossip. LUCY Let me in, then! Perhaps there's something I can do to help? MUSIC PUB SCARRICK It was quite marvelous! And we sold out of that blasted Halva. MAN It looked crowded, but were they actually buying? SCARRICK They bought and bought - some came back three or four times, just to have an excuse to linger. BOY "Oh, I forgot" and "silly me, one more thing." SCARRICK exactly. Even those women whose purchases were of modest proportions dawdled over them as though they had, uh-- MAN Brutal, drunken husbands to go home to? SCARRICK [chuckles] I've even had to take on a couple of extra assistants for tomorrow. MUSIC STORE - BUSY MISS FRITTEN What do you think? Is this bowl anything like the one that young gentleman carries? MRS. GREYES Nonsense. His is brass. Or bronze, perhaps. That one is copper. MISS FRITTEN Still, it's got a lovely patina. MRS GORDON Ducks? SCARRICK [distracted] Pardon? MRS GORDON Ducks? I found a lovely recipe for Bombay duck, and was wondering if a domestic duck would suffice. SCARRICK I suspect that ducks are much the same the world over-- [small gasp] SOUND DOOR OPENS, BELL GENERAL EXPECTANT HUSH MRS GORDON oh! SCARRICK You'll excuse me. SOUND BOY'S FOOTSTEPS, SCARRICK MEETS HIM SCARRICK Sir? BOY Yes? SCARRICK [overtly confidential] I must warn you-- SOUND [gasps] SCARRICK [as if saying something else] We have run out of quail seed. MRS GORDON Oh nO! BOY [shocked and disappointed] Oh. I should-- I must-- SOUND SCUTTLING FEET JIMMY [excited] We do have some much finer oranges today, if you want to step over here. BOY [dramatic gasp] SOUND BOY RUNS MISS FRITTEN [whispered] Watch the door! SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, BELL SOUND OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS MRS. GORDON [voice over] I found my self sub-consciously repeating "The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold" under my breath. SCARRICK [very tense] Ah. Coffee again today sir? Perhaps figs? MAN I am looking for-- LUCY [in disguise, foreign sounding] Jaffa oranges, I think. MAN What? MRS GREYES [voiceover] She slithered out of the aisle like the lady in the lake. LUCY Your Excellency does his shopping himself? MAN [suspicious] I order the things myself. I find it difficult to make my servants understand. MISS FRITTEN [voiceover] How ever did we miss a mysterious veiled lady, right in the midst of us all? LUCY I was saying... They have some excellent Jaffa oranges here. [tinkling laugh] SOUND HER FEET TAP AWAY TO THE DOOR, BELL MAN [considering] Hmph. MRS. GORDON [gasp] MAN You! SCARRICK [tense] Yes? MAN You have, perhaps, some good Jaffa oranges? GLORIA [voiceover] Everyone expected an instant denial on the part of Mr. Scarrick of any such possession, but before he could answer‑‑ BOY No! SOUND RUNNING FEET, DOOR, BELL MISS FRITTEN [voiceover] Holding his empty brass bowl before him he dashed into the street. His face was masked with studied indifference SOUND THE VOICEOVERS START TO FADE INTO TEA MRS GREYES Overspread with ghastly pallor! MRS. LIPPING I would call it blazing with defiance. GLORIA How defiant could he be! He was so terrified his teeth chattered! MRS. GORDON I distinctly heard him whistling the Persian National Hymn. MISS FRITTEN But the bearded man - his face was a mask of abject terror! MRS GREYES I thought he would dash out after the boy, but he just paced to and fro like a caged animal - seeking an outlet for escape. GLORIA He couldn't take his eyes off the door. MRS GORDON Did he ever come back for his purchases? Or send his servant? MISS FRITTEN I've not had the nerve to ask Mr. Scarrick. The whole thing was so ... overwhelming. MUSIC LUCY It was so overwhelming. Trying not to laugh while watching all their faces. JIMMY You did a fabulous job. LUCY You like me in a veil? JIMMY I can think of a veil I'd like to see you in. LUCY [interested, pleased] Really? JIMMY Mm-hmm [yes] SOUND KISS MUSIC PUB SCARRICK I can never thank you fellows enough. MAN We enjoyed the fun of it. [laughs, then talks like beard] And the figs. BOY It was a welcome vacation from posing for hours for 'The Lost Hylas' MAN You just have to sit still. I'm the one who has to make you look good. SCARRICK What do I owe you? MAN No, no. It was far too entertaining. BOY We did get all those lovely pomegranates. SCARRICK At any rate... I insist on paying for the hire of the black beard. END

christmas man sound australian turning russian coffee night greek holding bridge old testament seed picture boy palestine closed pardon beard resolve bit shah heavens persian persia sir smyrna post office adapted hustling bombay bohemian arabian assyrian quail arabian nights imported saki jaffa shh reissue halva bill jones savonarola hmph julie hoverson man what man it nocturne boulevard miss smith lucy oh lucy you kevin mcleod incompetech

19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week: THE PERFECT PIGEON

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 20, 2022 25:15

A classic-style caper, chock-a-block with art theft, swindling, and romance! Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Algernon Winthrop - Will Watt Bartholomew Hetheredge - Glen Hallstrom Harriet Carter-Nelson - Julie Hoverson Attendant - Russell Gold Music by Laché Swing (Free Music Archive) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Julie Hoverson (in the style of the Dell Mapback mystery covers) with help from Steve Guy "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a gentleman's club in the 1930s, can't you tell?" *********************************************************************** THE PERFECT PIGEON Cast: Announcer Algernon Winthrop, a young gentleman whose profession is art broker - with a secret life as a gentleman thief Harriet Carter-Nelson, country heiress, who has inherited some paintings Bartholomew Heatheredge, elder bachelor, friend and confidante of Algernon Butler, discreet and very well trained THE PERFECT PIGEON MUSIC TO OPEN - LIGHT 1930s JAZZ OLIVIA What do you mean what kind of place is it? Why it's a private room in a proper Gentleman's Club in London in the 1930s - can't you tell? MUSIC SCENE 1 THE CLUB ROOM SOUND RADIO PLAYS JAZZ IN ANOTHER ROOM ALGY Bartholomew, old man - believe it or not, I've been HAD. BART [mock incredulous] Algernon Winthrop the third? "Had"? Hold on, shh! [beat] No, no... I don't think I hear the trumpet hailing the end of all things, so how could You possibly-- ALGY Hush! Do you want to hear the story or not? BART [teasing] I dunno - do I? ALGY You're the only one I can tell, so I expect you can guess what this is in regards to. BART [knowing smirk] "Art"? ALGY Yes. I was approached last Wednesday week by [wistful] a vision of loveliness-- BART Male or Female? ALGY Female, of course! You know which direction my loveliness runs. A trim auburn lass with a back like she'd been born on a horse. BART There is something to be said for centaurs. ALGY She said she had been referred to me as a leading authority on certain kinds of paintings. BART [chuckles expectantly] A-ha! ALGY Well, I am! And I have the advantage of being outside the normal rope and cap mobs. BART Someone with no affiliation to bat for. ALGY Correct. [sigh] She invited me to her country estate, and how could I refuse? There are untold treasures hidden in mouldering attics throughout the land! BART Better you than me. I loathe the country. ALGY You loathe anything beyond a ten minute walk from this club. BART Very true. [arch] Oh, you've reminded me, we're in a club. That means there is hot and cold running alcohol to hand. Shall we? ALGY I'll stick to a weak Gin and Tonic, if you don't mind. I may have ...work... to do later. BART Oh-ho!! SOUND GENTLE BELL RINGS, GENTLE DOOR OPENS BUTLER Sir? BART Drinks, please. G and T, heavy on the T, and some of that port I'm so fond of. BUTLER Excellent selections, sir. SOUND DOOR CLOSES ALGY [chuckling] He'd say that regardless of what you asked for. BART True, but he would say it with a subtle sneer in his voice. Frankly, I can't remember the vintage of the port in question... but apparently he does. ALGY Indispensible. BART I know you won't recount anything juicy until he returns, so tell me more about this girl? ALGY Harriet Carter-Nelson. Last heir of some family or other. Was left the only house not entailed to a distant chinless wonder. Took possession, found it rather a crumbling heap, but discovered there were some potentially salable items hidden about the place. BART Items in the "canvas" line, I assume? ALGY Precisely. SOUND TAP AT THE DOOR BART Come in. SOUND BUTLER ENTERS, PUTS DOWN DRINKS, LEAVES ALGY [sips] Perfect. Gem of a man. BART Can't remember his name any more than the vintage, but I do try and appreciate him whenever I have the chance. ALGY Appreciate him a bit for me, too, would you? BART Certainly. [drinks] Now, the canvasses. ALGY After an hour or so of driving - the place was halfway to Inverness - I came upon a stark silhouette set against a striking sunset. BART You paint such pictures with your words. ALGY I suppose an eye is an eye, for all that. Checking the coordinates, I discovered I had arrived. More striking still was the vision of loveliness that greeted me at the door. BART NOT a butler, then? ALGY No. There was some sort of staff about, but she was expecting me, and made certain to be ready upon my arrival. BART Curiouser and curiouser - a woman who doesn't make one wait an half hour for her entrance? I like her already. ALGY [rueful] As do I. She lacks that sheen of plasticine that so many women don the moment they "come out" and never seem to take off again. Everything about her seemed so natural. So genuine. MUSIC TRANSITION SCENE 2 OUTSIDE THE HOUSE SOUND FROGS, NIGHT NOISES HARRIET I'm so pleased you found it! Come in, come in! Oh, no wait - sorry. You should turn your car around before the light goes. Some of the ground is boggy and it's quite treacherous in the dark. ALGY I'll be perfectly fine. HARRIET [mock sigh] Your funeral. Come along. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL THEN WOOD, DOOR SHUTS ALGY I didn't realize there was any civilization this far into the hinterlands. HARRIET Oh, there isn't. Not really. But I love it out here. The country is so beautiful - nine weeks out of the year. Between mold season and mosquito season. ALGY [laughs] BART [Voice Over] Enough with the flirting - tell me about the paintings. ALGY [VO] Give me a moment to wallow in our collective wit, won't you? BART [VO] One more moment, then. Proceed. HARRIET There's a set of rooms that's quite liveable, and a few larger enclosed spaces that might pass for human habitation. [drops the banter] I'm hoping - truly - that some of the paintings will be worth enough that I can sell them and [loving] rescue the poor house. [clipped again] You did say you have contacts and know people who might be looking to buy? ALGY I shall do the best for you that I can. ALGY [VO] And I would. Whatever my other interests are, once I give my word, I always keep it. BART [VO] Particularly to such a lovely young thing, eh, wot? HARRIET It's very kind of you. ALGY Well, I do expect to make some little commission on it, of course. HARRIET Of course. Right through here. MUSIC SCENE 3 THE CLUB ROOM SOUND ALGY DRINKS ALGY [disgusted sigh] and it was ... tragic. BART Strong word. ALGY Strong feeling. The room she took me into was hung with a dozen limp landscapes. BART Limp? ALGY Oh, you know the type "Aunt so-and so painted this in 1860 on the French Riveria". Or "Grandmama was always well regarded for her eye for beauty". BART Good night. And after such a long drive! ALGY And watching that look of hope slide off her dainty face. The light going out in her hazel eyes. MUSIC SCENE 4 INSIDE THE HOUSE SOUND SLIGHT CREAKS WHEN THEY WALK HARRIET That bad? ALGY I may be able to get you an odd bob or so - perhaps from an American. Not more. HARRIET Oh. ALGY It happens to the best of us. ALGY [VO] She turned away, and the line of her shoulders spoke volumes. BART [VO] Reading her shoulders? On a first date? [chuckles] ALGY I-I-- Perhaps I should... go? HARRIET No. [coming to a decision, almost teary] I... Can I trust you? ALGY Goodness, would anyone say no to that? HARRIET [burst of laughter] Goodness be blowed! I'm going to take a chance. People have said good things about you. Come along. SOUND WALKING, CREAKING, UNDER VO ALGY [VO] She took me deep into the bowels of the house, into some sort of secret room. I watched closely as she tweaked various odds and sods on a rococo mantlepiece, and a panel slid open. SOUND CREAK AS PANEL SHIFTS SOUND HOLLOW MOANING WIND HARRIET There's a family ghost, but it's benign. ALGY Spirits have never bothered me. ALGY [VO] And in this room - by gad! BART [VO] Yes? ALGY [VO] Arrayed around the walls were a good dozen of what looked like genuine Old masters. Undiscovered, possibly unknown. BART [VO] Real? ALGY Real? HARRIET Yes, but. Problematic. ALGY How so? HARRIET Apparently, according to unverifiable family lore, one of our ancestors was quite the notorious bandit. ALGY Bandit? HARRIET Highwayman, I believe they called the titled ones. He raided everything within a week's ride, they say, and stashed most of the boodle here. Everything that could be sold easily, went long ago. Gold, jewels, things like that. ALGY Well, if they were stolen so long ago, I doubt there would be any debate as to the ownership. HARRIET [very doubtful] Oh... I'm sure. It's just... ALGY Yes? HARRIET [pitiable] There's no money. Not a sou. I can't possibly defend even the slightest case. A solitary whisper of doubt, and I'll lose everything. ALGY I see. HARRIET And without concrete provenance, there's no legitimate way I can sell even one of these. Tragic, isn't it? ALGY There are plenty of people who would buy, provenance or no. You might not get full measure, but that all depends on your patience and negotiating talent. HARRIET [exasperated] Buyers there may be, but I wouldn't know where to find them! ALGY I would. HARRIET [still fuming, not hearing him immediately] And even if I did, I wouldn't know the first thing to say-- [breaks off, realizing] What? ALGY I know all the right people. If you can trust me with any one of those, I'll get you top dollar. HARRIET But why would you help me? And how can I possibly trust you? ALGY Oh, I'll take my standard commission, of course. And I'll play you fair on the first one, if for no other reason than in hope that you'll let me take on the rest. HARRET [worried musing] It's a big step. The mere thought of letting them out of my sight terrifies me. It's not as if I have insurance or anything. If the worst should happen - I'd be lost. ALGY If I could, I would buy one outright from you - at a discount, you understand - and hazard a chance I could make a profit. But these are far out of my range, unless I were to insult you by offering a pittance. HARRIET A pittance would at least keep body and soul together until you were able to sell it. Could you - manage something in a down payment? Even just call it an assurance - we could write up a contract and everything! ALGY Oh, I don't think we need go that far. But I could advance you something, if you don't mind waiting a day or two. HARRIET [musing] Let's see - a day or two for you to get back, then I have to arrange a lift into the city, to get to the bank, and back.... ALGY [amused] Are you hinting that you would prefer cash? HARRIET Am I that transparent? [sweetly] I used to be quite a good liar, I'm told, but desperation does wear one's nerve a bit thin. And the local shops no longer honor this house with credit. ALGY I could manage, say, a thousand pounds assurance. If you'll let me take that small one. HARRIET A thousand? You think this is worth so much? ALGY Ten times that, at least. HARRIET My hero! I'll have it crated and ready for transport when you return, will that be all right? ALGY Certainly. MUSIC SCENE 5 THE CLUB ROOM BART You didn't. ALGY I did. BART And which one of the limp landscapes did you purchase for a thousand pounds? ALGY [sigh] A rather dreadful view of some lighthouse that's slightly off plumb. BART [laughs heartily] And what do you plan to do about it? ALGY What do you think? BART Can you find your way back in again? ALGY I believe so. I truly would have played fair with her, but... BART What can she expect? Swindling a notorious art thief like "The Badger"? MUSIC - TIME PASSES SCENE 6 THE CLUB ROOM - NEXT DAY SOUND DOOR OPENS ALGY [entering melodramatically] Oh, Bart! Bart, my old chum! All is lost! SOUND DOOR SHUTS BART Sit, dear boy. Sit and tell! Is this your enchanting titian-haired siren? ALGY Enchanting! Enchantress is more like it! BART Why? Don't tell me you couldn't get back into her secret painting room? ALGY [chortles sarcastically] Oh-ho-ho. It's far worse than that. BART Ah. Good thing I laid on some rather strong liquor when I got your cable. Drink up. ALGY [drinks] There's really not much to tell. BART I hope you have more than that! This is expensive stuff! ALGY I got into the house. Even managed to find the right combination of whorls on the carving - she'd pushed a number of extra thingumees, did I mention that? BART So she knew you were watching? ALGY [sighing admission] Yes. She's frightfully brilliant. BART Let me get this straight - this charming chit of a girl has fooled you twice, and yet you still admire her? ALGY I admire her because she has fooled me twice. BART And her loveliness has nothing to do with it? ALGY Well... [smiling] it certainly doesn't hurt. BART [beat] So... you got into the room. ALGY Yes. Yes. I got in. BART [exasperated] And? ALGY Every one of the frames that I had so closely examined not two weeks before was filled... with landscapes! BART THE landscapes? ALGY For all I know she has an infinite supply of the blasted things! [sudden realization] By Jove! BART What? ALGY I can't believe it never occurred to me before - what if I'm not the first? BART Whatever do you mean? ALGY What if this little minx has pulled this same trick on other so-called art dealers? BART [chuckles] Are you outraged at her daring, or because she didn't pick you first? ALGY There she was, dressed in plain homespun, crying infinite poverty, when she may have just held up half the crooked daub handlers in Piccadilly! BART I can see why you admire her. ALGY The beast! BART I can't wait to meet her. ALGY Wretch! BART You'll have to bring her around sometime. ALGY What? BART Well, you are going to see her again, aren't you? ALGY You old dog. You know everything. [beat] She should be here any minute. BART Then I expect it's a good thing I've dropped a word here and there about a niece who might be coming into town any day now, isn't it? ALGY I don't know why I even try-- SOUND KNOCK AT DOOR BART Yes? SOUND DOOR OPENS, BUTLER ENTERS BUTLER Sir, there is a young lady here to see mister Algernon Winthrop. I told her merely that I would inquire...? BART Proper, as always. Don't give her any definite answer, there's a good chap, but bring her on up. BUTLER [slightly miffed] Very good, sir. SOUND DOOR CLOSES BART That. That is definitely the sound he would make if I placed an order for anything substandard. ALGY I say, Bart, hide me, would you? BART What and leave your young lady entirely in my clutches? ALGY I know you'll get something out of her, and all the more if she doesn't realize I'm here. BART [indulgent] That door there. It has a lovely large keyhole, and a connection to the corridor. I'll ferret out whatever she's hiding. You'll get your hands on those paintings yet. ALGY Oh, I already have plans for that. BART Oh? What--? SOUND KNOCK ON DOOR. SOUND SCRAMBLE AS ALGY HIDES SOUND HIS DOOR QUIETLY CREAKS SHUT BART [calling] Come in. SOUND HER DOOR OPENS SOUND BART POURS DRINK BUTLER [introductions] Miss Harriet Carter-Nelson. Mister Bartholomew Heatheredge. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SHUTS [NOTE: from this point until she "overplays her hand", BART and ALGY are pulling a con on Harriet to get her to trade back the painting] BART [suddenly stern] Please have a seat, Miss Carter-Nelson. I pray you won't take offense at my not rising, but my gout has been simply murder this past week. HARRIET [uncertain] But... I was invited here by Mister Winthrop? BART I have sent him on some trifling errand, in hopes that we might finish our business without his interference. HARRIET Business? BART Poor Algy has a lamentably sentimental nature when it comes to these things. HARRIET Pray enlighten me of "these things" that you are speaking of? BART I assume you will not be adverse to endorsing this. SOUND PAPER PRODUCED WITH A FLOURISH HARRIET What is it? [almost a laugh] A bill of sale? For-- BART The painting currently in Mr. Winthrop's possession. HARRIET But it's-- BART Practically worthless? Nonetheless, Mr. Winthrop requests that you make it over to him in its entirety, in return for monies which have already changed hands - to wit, one thousand pounds. HARRIET Why should he want to claim ownership of the silly thing? BART [fraught with ominous meaning] Why indeed. [brisk] All you need concern yourself with is your signature on that document, placing the item into legal custody of my client. HARRIET Client? BART Did he fail to mention that I am his family solicitor? HARRIET [worried] Solicitor. Yes, I believe he overlooked that. BART Come, come. He won't be gone all day. HARRIET No. I would like to hear the reason for this. BART [furious] Miss Carter-Nelson! I am not here to give explanations, merely to get one of two outcomes from you - and while my preference would be for you to regain your painting, and my client his money, that is undoubtedly out of the question. Should the need arise, I am also prepared to begin legal proceedings. HARRIET [gasp] SOUND KNOCK ALGY [outside] I say, Bart, have you got someone in there? BART Drat. HARRIET [musing] Lamentably sentimental, you say? BART Mister Winthrop, perhaps you would-- HARRIET [loud, over him, cheery] Come in! SOUND DOOR OPENS, ALGY ENTERS ALGY Good gracious! Are you keeping secrets from me, old man? BART I am merely trying to legitimize the transaction that passed between you two-- HARRIET [flirty] He's trying to get me to sign over all ownership of that painting. ALGY Oh! Good job. Go on. HARRIET You... you actually WANT it? ALGY [hinting] It's not a matter of what I want-- BART [cutting him off] AHEM. It's a matter of making the entire situation clear and above board. The painting has more than been compensated for. HARRIET [suspicious] What do you plan to do with it? BART [rising irritation] That is none of your concern! The only thing that needs to happen here and now is for you to transfer title or return my client's deposit. HARRIET This is hardly fair. I should need to consult a solicitor as well - see to it that this bill of sale is proper and aboveboard! BART You're right, of course. If you will give me the name of your solicitor, I can contact him directly. [muttered] Probably best to have him on hand, regardless, just in case Mr. Winthrop decides to take my advice as to... legal action. HARRIET Mr. Winthrop, I just want to-- ALGY You can call me Algernon, if you like, Miss Carter-Nelson. HARRIET [hesitant, confused] Algernon. Very well, but I-- ALGY And perhaps I might be allowed to call you Harriet? HARRIET [a bit wry] Will it help convince you this does not require legal action if we are on a first name basis? ALGY [laughs] Perhaps. HARRIET [slightly wheedling] Will it help convince you to let me in on the big secret about the... uh... painting in question? ALGY Oh, that. It's really quite simple-- BART Ahem. ALGY [fatuous] Hush, Barty. I know how to handle women. BART AHEM! ALGY Shall I ring and have someone bring you a lozenge? No? Very well. [confidential, pleased] Now Harriet. I can take a joke as well as the next fellow. Don't you agree? HARRIET You've been a pip. ALGY And I'm sure you feel that perhaps I've only got what I deserve, as I may very well have been on the verge of stealing your lovely old master, or at the very least short-changing such a poor but lovely young heiress. HARRIET You would be surprised how many might consider such dastardly deeds, given our relative positions. ALGY [annoyed] How many? [smooth again] Well, I can assure you that I would have played fair with you - and got you the best possible deal-- BART That is all moot. Why don't you just null the entire transaction and give the painting back. The colonel-- [catching himself in a mistake] I mean, the person in question - ahem - has stated a clear unwillingness to own any piece of dubious origin. ALGY A-HEM. HARRIET [musing] A Colonel? ALGY I suppose you must have realized by now that I have a potential buyer for the painting, and that I will be making back - mm - more than my thousand. HARRIET For that drab thing? ALGY Some pieces sell on merit, others on sentiment. The best salesmen are those who find the right customers. HARRIET How much? BART As far as you are concerned, it is one thousand pounds, already paid, and an agreement on my client's part not to litigate for false pretenses. HARRIET No, really, [very warm] Algernon. How much? ALGY [melting] I've been offered five thousand, but only with a clear title. HARRIET [shock] Five? For Great Aunt Ermintrude's "Impressions of a Baltic Lighthouse?" BART [muttered] A leaning Baltic lighthouse. ALGY [annoyed] A Baltic lighthouse a certain colonel recognizes as a place near where he was once stationed in his youth. A place he used to meet his one true love. HARRIET [amazed] Truly? ALGY So he says, and I was of no mind to disabuse him. HARRIET Suddenly I have been hit with a terrible guilt complex about having taken such foul advantage of you. ALGY Oh really? HARRIET Such a sentimental streak - I never would have suspected it. ALGY I hide it well. BART [snort of laughter turned into cough] HARRIET I think the best way to handle this is to give you your money back and call it all even. ALGY Oh, really? HARRIET Yes. And, just to show what a good sport I am, I'd - I'd like to make a present of the silly thing to your friend -um- colonel, uh...? [hinting] ALGY [breaks down laughing] BART I fear you've overplayed your hand, young lady. HARRIET I? Whatever do you mean? ALGY You are adorable. HARRIET [offended] You make it sound as if I was a puppy! ALGY [still trying to stop laughing] No, no, no. You are far cleverer than any puppy. HARRIET I should hope so. [huff] I think this is where I should take my leave. ALGY [suddenly sober] No. HARRIET [wary] Why? ALGY There's still the matter of my money. HARRIET Get it from your colonel! SOUND A BIT OF A SCUFFLE AS HE STOPS HER FROM LEAVING BART Here now! Here now! I will not have this! Sit down, both of you! SOUND THEY BREAK APART WITH A GASP BART I said sit! SOUND CHAIR NOISES SOUND DRINKS POURED BART I have the perfect answer to this dilemma, if you will just be quiet and listen. ALGY He probably does. He's very clever. HARRIET I think you both find yourselves too clever by half. ALGY You fit in quite nicely, then, don't you? BART How odd. I distinctly recall-- Did I not say to be quiet? ALGY [teasing] We'll be good, papa. HARRIET Are you planning to mete out justice like old king Solomon? BART Do you want half a painting? [beat] Good. Now. The way I see it, your problem, Miss Carter-Nelson, is you wish to preserve your home, and are going about it in this rather nefarious manner. HARRIET Well... BART This is no time for prevarication, miss --Harriet. HARRIET I am using what little I have to save my home. Yes. BART Very well. HARRIET And if I happen to take slight advantage over those who otherwise would have taken similar advantage of me-- ALGY I already told you, Harriet darling, I would never have-- HARRIET But I couldn't know that, could I? BART Hush! [beat] I swear you bicker like-- well, we'll leave that for the moment. [chuckles] And your problem, dear boy, is you would love to get your hands on the lovely old masters this young woman consorts with. HARRIET [amused] You make it sound quite filthy! ALGY [quiet] Not the only thing. [up] Yes. I would love to be the one to discover such lovely pieces and be able to find them good homes. Even legitimate ones. BART Oh, well then - the answer is simple. HARRIET Oh? Really? BART You two should marry. HARRIET [startled, outraged] What? ALGY Capital idea. Was thinking something along those lines myself. HARRIET oh! [indignant gasp] Here! SOUND PURSE CLICKS OPEN, COUNT OUT MONEY HARRIET Here is your blasted thousand pounds. SOUND MONEY TOSSED ON TABLE SOUND PURSE SNAPPED SHUT HARRIET [huff] Good day! SOUND SHE LEAVES, SLAMMING THE DOOR BART [chuckle] She suits you. ALGY [confident] Just a matter of time. BART Make sure to send along some of the wedding cake, there's a good chap. THE END ANNOUNCER [credits]

19 Nocturne Reissue of the Week - Poe-Etic Justice

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Play Episode Listen Later Sep 16, 2022 33:36

[Mature themes and violence] A modernization of the story "Hop-Frog" by Edgar Allen Poe, turning it into a 1980s frat house horror movie. A bunch of pranksters find out the joke's on them. Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Frogger - Brian Lomatewama Lydia - Megan Lane Rex - James Turpin Deanna - Chandra Wade Uno - Justin Charles Buzz - Lothar Tuppan Trey - Danar Hoverson Lucky - Cary Ayers June - Kate Waterous Lisa - Melissa Pang Bob - James Sedgwick Fred - Jonathon del Arroz Dora - Melissa Bartell Kathy - Suzanne Dunn Music by Persson (available on Jamendo) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Thanks to Glen Hallstrom for sound assistance Cover Design: Dennis Hager "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a college locker room, in the classic era of frat-house prank films, can't you tell?" ****************************************************************** POE-etic Justice Loosely adapted from the story "Hop-Frog" by Edgar Allen Poe by Julie Hoverson (19nocturne@live.com) Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Frogger Lydia Tripp Deanna Dora Bob, Fred, Kathy, June FRATS: Rex Mason, fraternity head, etc. Uno Buzz Trey Lucky OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a college campus in the nostalgic era of screwball hijinks films, can't you tell? MUSIC LYDIA (Quotes from the original story) I never knew anyone so keenly alive to a joke as the king was. He seemed to live only for joking. To tell a good story of the joke kind, and to tell it well, was the surest road to his favor. Thus it happened that his seven ministers were all noted for their accomplishments as jokers. AMB LOCKER ROOM UNO Man! Did you see the look on his face! BUZZ Like he'd never seen it bald before. FRATS [Hearty laugh] TREY That was you guys? Oh, man. FROGGER [muttered] It's gonna itch. UNO [less chummy] What? FROGGER [laughs unconvincingly] When the hair grows back. It itches like a sonofabitch. TREY, UNO, BUZZ [chuckle] UNO [pretend serious] And Frogger would know! TREY, UNO, BUZZ [laugh hysterically] REX Cut him some slack, dudes. Frogger's our pal. He's a funny guy. MUSIC LYDIA About the refinements, or, as he called them, the 'ghost' of wit, the king troubled himself very little. He had an especial admiration for breadth in a jest, and would often put up with length, for the sake of it. MUSIC REX Are they gonna get here soon? BUZZ If Studs and Lucky got everything right. REX Cool, then. This is gonna be a laugh riot. BUZZ When the froshes come walking into the rooms, each thinking they're gonna "get a little", oh yeah. REX Got someone with a tapedeck in each bathroom? BUZZ Too right! We had to borrow an extra one from Delta pi, but that's cool. It was Deanna made the tapes anyway. REX Frogger, what'd you get her to say? FROGGER [sigh, then, putting on a matching tone] I gave her this script. Should be funny as hell. BUZZ Here! "oh, good! You got my note! I hope you don't mind that I'm a little... kinky. [laughing and having a hard time reading] I want you to undress and [collapses] REX What? BUZZ Gimme a minute! [laughing, deep breath] undress and put on my underwear. It's right there on the bed. BUZZ and REX [hysterical fit] REX Not laughing, Frogger? FROGGER Just saving it til I see their faces. REX [agreeing chuckle] That'll be boss. Hey, you're into all that educated stuff. What's up with this Woody Allen guy? BUZZ That's that little Jewish nerd, right? REX This chick I was with last week says he's all hilarious, but I watched this movie - well, some of it, I was mostly macking on another hottie, and it was all like whining. FROGGER You want the brainhead answer or the real life one? REX Hit me with the smart one. FROGGER Woody Allen specializes in observational humor - looking at the angst and neuroses inherent in modern life and stepping aside and commenting on them. BUZZ [elaborate yawn] FROGGER But mostly it is just whining. REX [laughs] I knew it! SOUND DISTANT DOOR OPENS BUZZ Shh! Here they come! MUSIC LYDIA I believe the name 'Hop-Frog' was not that given to the dwarf by his sponsors at baptism, but it was conferred upon him, by general consent of the several ministers. MUSIC AMB PARTY REX Grab me a brewski Frogger. FROGGER No problemo. DEANNA Why "Frogger"? I mean, that's not like his real name, right? REX Duh. You just gotta see him cross a street sometime. Freaking funny. DEANNA Why do keep a little toad like that around? Did you like lose a bet? REX Nah. Frogger's pretty frosty, for a complete nerd. He comes up with some truly awesome pranks. DEANNA He would have to. Just looking at him is like visual herpes. REX Nah, the guys like having him around, cuz next to a mini weenie like that, we all look like kielbassas. Not that I don't look good anyway. DEANNA [chuckles seductively] Yeah, takes a whole can of vienna sausage to measure up to one ball park frank. REX Plumps when you get it hot, babe. FROGGER Your beer. And a cocktail for you. DEANNA [cold] Thanks. REX Cool. Hop along now, dude. My term paper is due tomorrow. DEANNA See, that's where it's so much harder to be a girl than a guy. REX Why? DEANNA No matter how smart she was, I couldn't keep a dog like that around. We'd get a rep. MUSIC LYDIA I am not able to say, with precision, from what country Hop-Frog originally came. It was from some barbarous region, however, that no person ever heard of - a vast distance from the court of our king. Hop-Frog, and a young girl very little less dwarfish than himself, had been forcibly carried off from their homes. MUSIC AMB OUTSIDE LYDIA Hiya, Tim! FROGGER [warm] Hey Lydia. LYDIA You, um, doing anything tonight? FROGGER Me? No. Did you need some help with something? LYDIA Me? No. I was thinking there's a showing of L'annee Derniere a Marienbad in Culver Hall tonight. And after what you said about the surrealists [falters] I thought maybe-- FROGGER Like a date? LYDIA [backing off] Maybe. [covering] Or as friends. I mean, you don't have to pay or anything. FROGGER No, no! I'd love to. I'm just surprised you'd still speak to me. LYDIA Because you hang out with the jackasses? Nah. I understand. I wouldn't mind getting on someone's good side. FROGGER [deep] It's not worth it. Really. LYDIA But I'm lucky - I don't do anything that makes me a target. Back in Fulton County, I hated being invisible. Here, though? It's a blessing. FROGGER Even in Fulton, I didn't have much of a choice. Gotta run now. Rex is planning a big party for the long weekend. LYDIA He needs help? FROGGER Mostly he just wants people to give him ideas that he can take credit for later. MUSIC LYDIA The king was sitting at his wine; but the monarch appeared to be in a very ill humor. He knew that Hop-Frog was not fond of wine, for it excited the poor cripple almost to madness; and madness is no comfortable feeling. But the king loved his practical jokes, and took pleasure in forcing Hop-Frog to drink. MUSIC ALL FRATS Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! FROGGER [drinking, gasping] REX Awesome. FROGGER [coughing] BUZZ Weenie. ALL FRATS [laugh] FROGGER [barely contained anger] Keep 'em coming. ALL FRATS [approval] REX Take a breather, dude. Mellow out first. Besides, before you kiss the sky, we need your brain. FROGGER [breathing deep, trying not to get sick] What do you expect it to do? ALL [laugh] REX We heard that Epsilon Omega is having a toga party. ALL Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! REX Shh! We're pissed we didn't think of it first. UNO Very pissed. REX Since we don't want to look like copycatting dildoes, we need to come up with a better party. TREY And quick - it has to be Friday. LUCKY Their party is Saturday. BUZZ And it has to be awesome. UNO And chicks have to be nearly naked. REX Well? FROGGER Hmm. Garden of Eden. BUZZ We don't want any bible crap-- FROGGER You wanted less clothes than togas. UNO That's the dumbest-- REX Hold on. Are we talking fig leaves and stuff? [considering] Hmm... UNO I ain't gluing nothing to MY Johnson. FROGGER Paint the bikini? TREY What? FROGGER Get a bunch of tempera paint, have everyone arrive in bikinis, lay out a bunch of tarps and paint each other. REX You mean paint ON each other, right? FROGGER Duh. I would suggest finger painting. REX [considering] Yeah. FROGGER And then everyone has to shower off... REX [up] Yeah! That is so boss! Half naked chicks, AND you get to put your hands all over them. Frogger, you are the MAN. MUSIC LYDIA On some grand state occasion-I forgot what-the king determined to have a masquerade. Hop-Frog, in especial, was so inventive in the way of getting up pageants, suggesting novel characters, and arranging costumes, for masked balls, that nothing could be done, it seems, without his assistance. MUSIC AMB OUTSIDE LYDIA Hey Tim! FROGGER Lydia! Hey. LYDIA [amused] Is this your idea? FROGGER What? SOUND PAPER FROGGER "you are cordially invited to a bikini painting party--" Uh, no. LYDIA Hmm. Well, someone invited me. FROGGER [up] No! I mean, don't come. Those guys are dicks, and-- LYDIA I wasn't planning to, unless you were asking. FROGGER Good. LYDIA I'm not much for drinking - or being around a bunch of drunks. FROGGER Good! LYDIA I suppose... I suppose you're kind of stuck there? FROGGER I have to be there for a while. Until everyone's drunk enough that I can slip out. LYDIA Let's meet up later, then. SOUND SHE WALKS AWAY LYDIA [calling back] Maybe I'll even let you paint me. FROGGER I-- uh-- okay. TREY Dude. FROGGER [gasp of shock] TREY Nice little number. I bet you get her out of the glasses and baggy sweater and she's a total fox. FROGGER [desperately lying] Nah. She's got no tits at all. Just tissue. TREY Damn. Chicks are such fakers. FROGGER [relieved sigh] MUSIC LYDIA Hereupon the dwarf laughed (the king was too confirmed a joker to object to any one's laughing). Moreover, he avowed his perfect willingness to swallow as much wine as desired. The monarch was pacified. SOUND PARTY, LOTS OF LAUGHING, DISCO MUSIC REX Ni-i-ice. Blondes look good in green. JUNE [GIGGLES] REX But are you a natural blonde? JUNE Only my bikini knows. REX Maybe it will tell me later... JUNE [giggles] REX See ya. Hey Frogger. I notice your hands are clean. FROGGER Just - um- came from the bathroom. REX Hmm. Beauty idea about giving each guy a different color and starting a contest to see what girl can get the most colors. FROGGER Deanna's got quite a rainbow going. REX Is that a crack? FROGGER Huh? No - just admiration. REX Ah, new guests. Gotta mingle. LISA [giggle] Oh, look at you! Are you someone's little brother? FROGGER You ever hear the phrase "Say Hello to my leetle friend"? LISA Yeah? FROGGER That's me. LISA [wide-eyed] You said that? FROGGER [sighs] No that's Scarface. I'm "the leetle friend". LISA [giggles] LYDIA [off, calling] Oh, there he is! FROGGER Oh shit. Excuse me. MUSIC LYDIA There was a dead silence for about half a minute, during which the falling of a leaf, or of a feather, might have been heard. MUSIC FROGGER [hurried, whispered] What are you doing here? LYDIA Didn't you call? Dora, at the dorm said-- FROGGER No, I didn't. You need to get out of here. LYDIA [puzzled, but laughing] Why? It looks kind of fun. FROGGER [frustrated noise] No! They're gonna-- BUZZ I see someone wearing too much clothes! LYDIA Huh? LUCKY Did you bring your bathing suit, foxy lady? FROGGER She's not here for the party. It's a mistake. LYDIA [annoyed] No it's not. TREY Is this cuz of what you said about her? FROGGER Just drop it. You gotta go. LYDIA [sharp] What did you say? FROGGER Nothing. C'mon, let's bail. TREY He said you got no boobs under there. LYDIA What? What is wrong with you? God, Tim, I thought you were my friend. FROGGER Lydia! Don't! I can explain-- TREY Want to prove him wrong? BUZZ Of course, if you don't have a suit‑‑ SOUND RUSTLING LYDIA Actually, I only have a one-piece. FROGGER Don't! LYDIA Chill out. SOUND RUSTLING AS SHE TAKES OFF HER TOP ALL FRATS [approving noises] TREY [walking away] Why don't I start - I am curious. And I'm yellow. FROGGER [weak] No... REX C'mon dude. Bottoms up. SOUND RATTLE OF ICE IN GLASS MUSIC LYDIA Poor fellow! his large eyes gleamed, rather than shone; for the effect of wine on his excitable brain was not more powerful than instantaneous. He placed the goblet nervously on the table, and looked round upon the company with a half-insane stare. They all seemed highly amused at the success of the king's 'joke.' MUSIC SOUND PAINT SLOSH LYDIA [laughing uncomfortably] That's cold! TREY I could warm you up a bit. Maybe a hot shower. I'll scrub your back. LYDIA [uncomfortable] I didn't say stop. TREY I haven't seen you at one of these before. What are you, a hermit? LYDIA Just busy studying. TREY [suggestive] Do you study... anatomy? LYDIA I'm an english major. TREY This--[he's painting on her] is the bicep... LYDIA Yeah, I know. TREY And this-- is the [drawn out] pec-to-ral... LYDIA [gasp of shock] I think I'm - out of my depth. I should go. TREY Nonsense. There's seven more colors to go. Everybody wants to get his hands on you. LYDIA No. No, look, this was a bad idea. TREY This-- is the gluteus maximus. LYDIA Stop! SOUND SLAPPING NOISE TREY Oh come on. You don't want to leave this masterpiece unfinished, do you? LYDIA Let go of me! REX [overplayed] OK, what's going on? TREY Models. They're so high strung. REX You should have a drink. Frogger did. LYDIA I just want to go. REX [raising his voice] Hear that everyone? She just wants to go. ALL [everyone laughing] DEANNA Who does she think she is? ALL [more laughing, mostly guys] SOUND POUNDING ON A DOOR FROGGER [in closet] Stop! No! REX You know, these picnic bottles were a really good idea. SOUND SQUIRTS PAINT LYDIA [surprised shriek] ALL [laugh] LYDIA [crying] Stop! REX Well, being the king, I had her first. Who's next? BUZZ I got red, how bout I KETCHUP! [squirting] ALL [laughing] FROGGER [in closet] Nooooo! MUSIC LYDIA The tyrant seemed quite at a loss what to do or say - how most becomingly to express his indignation. At last, he pushed the girl violently from him, and threw the contents of the brimming goblet in her face. MUSIC SOUND BREATHING IN A CLOSED SPACE. OCCASIONAL THUMPS AS FROGGER BEATS HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL; the party has run down SOUND DOOR OPENS REX Damn. Almost forgot about you. C'mon out. Everyone's all gone home. SOUND FROGGER SCRAMBLES TO HIS FEET, THUMP AS HE SLAMS REX AGAINST THE WALL REX Unh! FROGGER You bastard! You sonofabitch! REX C'mon dude. It was just a joke. No big deal. SOUND DRINKS FROM A BOTTLE REX Here. mellow out. SOUND OFFERS THE BOTTLE FROGGER No big deal? You- you--! REX Have a drink and get frosty, dude. Or I might forget I have a big paper coming up and that you need fingers if you're gonna write it for me. SOUND FROGGER SNATCHES THE BOTTLE, DRINKS DEEP REX There you go. That's a pal. SOUND FROGGER THROWS THE BOTTLE ACROSS THE ROOM, BOTTLE SMASHES REX [laughs heartily] Yeah! You cool? FROGGER [grim, teeth gritted] I'm completely frozen. MUSIC LYDIA Hop-Frog endeavored, as usual, to get up a jest in reply to these advances from the king; but the effort was too much. MUSIC SOUND SHOWER RUNNING SOUND PHONE RINGS, DISTANT, IS PICKED UP DORA Yello? [up] Lydia! LYDIA [yelling, still upset] I'm in the shower! SOUND A MOMENT, THEN POUNDING ON THE DOOR DORA It's that guy you like. He wants to talk. LYDIA Tell him to sit on it! MUSIC LYDIA "The beauty of the game," continued Hop-Frog, "lies in the fright it occasions among the women." MUSIC TREY Man, he went total meltdown. BUZZ His eyes were all bugging out. UNO Gets all squeaky, like a little bitty piggie. REX Shh, Here he comes. [up] Frogger, my man. Have a brewski - we need you at the top of your game tonight. FROGGER Whatever. [drinks] REX Jeez, check out Mr. Dickweed. He needs to mellow out. Bring on Mr. Cuervo. SOUND LIQUID POUR FROGGER Just tell me what you need. REX Nuh-uh. Not until you got a good buzz. [serious] Drink. FROGGER [sighs] MUSIC LYDIA "What do you mean by that? Ah, I perceive. You are Sulky, and want more wine. Here, drink this!" and the king poured out another goblet full and offered it to the cripple, who merely gazed at it, gasping for breath. MUSIC REX I don't know how we didn't hear about it sooner, but Epsilon Omega is doing this medival banquet thing - and it's tonight! It's sposed to be totally off the hook, with jousting and shit. FROGGER [muttered] Jousting's on horseback. UNO We gotta DO something! BUZZ We gotta get in there and mess with them! LUCKY Epsilon Omega are such douches, we gotta show em up! REX But see, they won't let anyone in that ain't in a costume. YOU need to get us in there. FROGGER You can't just rent some stuff? UNO All the shops are sold out! TREY We're like the only ones on the entire campus that didn't get an invite! LUCKY The pussies! REX And we gotta show them up at their own damn game! So it's got be really really medival. Come on! UNO And frogger, man, you're the king of this crap - the bikini painting party was completely the bomb! FROGGER [grim] That. Right. Pour me another one. MUSIC LYDIA The monarch was pacified; and having drained another bumper with no very perceptible ill effect, Hop-Frog entered at once, and with spirit, into the plans for the masquerade. MUSIC FROGGER There is this thing-- BUZZ Yeah? FROGGER Something really authentic and medival-- LUCKY Dude! Just spit it out! FROGGER I'm assuming you don't want to be lepers-- TREY Like the cat? I'd rather be a tiger. FROGGER No! Leper. Like all grody zombie-looking people. REX We could do that. FROGGER But this will be better. REX Yeah? TREY Dude, zombies are medival? FROGGER [sigh] No. No zombies. And it has to be a costume we can put together really fast. REX Duh. Party's tonight. FROGGER Back in the olden days, they had all sorts of weird party stuff they did. And one of them was something called the eight chained orangutangs. BUZZ Orangutangs? Man they rock! [makes farting sound] That's like Clyde in Every which way but loose, eh? ALL [start making monkey noises] FROGGER It does take eight guys, though... REX No problemo. There's five of us here, plus Ricky, Finn, and uh - Marco. FROGGER [dark] Exactly the ones I'd'a suggested. MUSIC LYDIA "The chains are for the purpose of increasing the confusion by their jangling. You are supposed to have escaped, en masse, from your keepers. Your majesty cannot conceive the effect produced, at a masquerade, by eight chained ourang-outangs!" MUSIC ALL [making monkey noises] FROGGER BUT we have to get you dressed up! Come on! REX [commanding] Shut up! Listen to Frogger. Save the monkey shit for later. LUCKY Yeah, man - monkeys throw their shit. We should have something to throw! BUZZ I'm calling the costume shop. FROGGER You can't. BUZZ Who says? FROGGER You want to be all historical, right? REX Duh. FROGGER OK, well they didn't have snazzy costumes way back when. TREY What did they do? FROGGER Covered themselves in tar, then rolled in flax. BUZZ What the hell is flax? FROGGER Fibers. Looks like hair. LUCKY Tar is gross. It never comes off. FROGGER You do it OVER clothes. Like a track suit. TREY You expect us to get all tarred up and roll around in hair? You're a complete-- REX Genius. We break into the party like this, and those dicks at Epsilon Omega will never be able to live it down. MUSIC LYDIA The king and his ministers were first encased in tight-fitting stockinet shirts and drawers. They were then saturated with tar. A long chain was now procured. First, it was passed about the waist of the king, and tied, then about another of the party, and also tied; then about all successively, in the same manner, making a circle. MUSIC SOUND CLANKING, SHUFFLING FEET ALL FRAT [muffled giggling] SOUND PASSING A BOTTLE REX Shh. Watch out for the post, dumbass! TREY There's a buttload of posts in an old warehouse. UNO Man, it's kind of cold. FROGGER [dark] Don't worry - you'll be warm later. SOUND MORE CLANKING FROGGER I checked out the layout earlier. They've got a horseshoe of tables surrounding the middle of the room, with knights and wenches and all seated on the outside. You should go round the outside of the room first, making trouble- TREY Grabbing chicks - "not my fault! Orangutans like boobies!" BUZZ Beep-beep. FROGGER [exasperated] Yeah. [up] But then get to the center of the room, and I'll come in and get the crowd going. REX Dude, you are truly the man. SOUND DOOR OPENS, CLANKING STARTS LOUD ALL FRATS [monkey noises] SOUND [distant screams] MUSIC LYDIA The eight ourang-outangs, taking Hop-Frog's advice, waited patiently until midnight before making their appearance. No sooner had the clock ceased striking, however, than they rushed, or rather rolled in, all together-for the impediments of their chains caused most of the party to fall, and all to stumble as they entered. MUSIC SOUND WALKIE TALKIE NOISE FROGGER [hushed] Ok, they're in. Wait for my signal. SOUND CRACKLE OF STATIC LYDIA [almost unrecognizable, on air] Gotcha. FROGGER We've got about five minutes... MUSIC LYDIA The excitement among the masqueraders was prodigious, and filled the heart of the king with glee. As had been anticipated, there were not a few of the guests who supposed the ferocious-looking creatures to be beasts of some kind in reality, if not precisely ourang-outangs. MUSIC SOUND [screams, laughing, monkey noises - behind doors] SOUND DOOR CRASHES OPEN FROGGER [squeaky british "jester" voice] Good folk! SOUND [some quieting, ape noises still going on] SOUND MICROPHONE SQUELCH FROGGER Good people! SOUND [quiet] FROGGER Good people! I spy beasts in our midst! FRATS [ape noises] CROWD [ripple of laughter] FROGGER they must have escaped from a keeper! REX Dude, is that my mister microphone? FROGGER [not on mike] Shh. [on mike, playing it big] It speaks! Perhaps it is merely a man in a fabulous costume? FRATS [hooting monkey noises] SOUND CROWD APPLAUDS FROGGER Leave them to me! I fancy I know them. If I can only get a good look, I can soon tell who they are! SOUND CHAIN RATTLES FROGGER Look at these muscles. If not a beast, then a beast of a man, don't you think? FRATS [very butch monkey noises] FROGGER Perhaps there is someone here who can help me identify them. You, Milady? NOTE [frogger is using the mike on the people he's talking with, but the frats are just yelling] SOUND SLOW MACHINE NOISE SNEAKS IN THROUGHOUT, A BIT OF CHAINS, TOO DORA Me? FROGGER I think you know that big one in front. Do you not? LUCKY [chuckling] Oh, yeah, she knows me. If you know what I mean. DORA [furious] He got me drunk and took topless pictures of me, that he posted all over the dorm! LUCKY What's a dog like her doing at an Epsilon party? DORA You ... you bastard! FROGGER That's a big clue, but I still don't quite recognize them. Maybe you, sir? BOB [stuttring] They - all of them - cornered me in the locker room and pelted me with jockstraps! BUZZ Dude, it was a joke! BOB Every day? For a semester! It wasn't funny! TREY It was to us. FROGGER And you, fair maiden? KATHY [crying] They tied me up and covered me in dip at one of their parties. UNO What's so bad about that? KATHY I got a rash! And a yeast infection! REX Okay, we're out of here. This ain't funny any more. SOUND CHAINS RATTLE, A COUPLE OF STEPS FRATS [reaction noises - ugh, hey, whoa! - as they trip, get pulled up short] UNO What the crap? REX The chains're caught on something. Frogger! Help us out here. FROGGER [annoucning] How blind they are, eh, gentle folks? SOUND APPLAUSE MUSIC LYDIA With the rapidity of thought, he had inserted the hook from which the chandelier had been wont to depend; and, in an instant, by some unseen agency, the chandelier-chain was drawn so far upward as to take the hook out of reach, and, as an inevitable consequence, to drag the ourang-outangs together in close connection. MUSIC SOUND MORE CHAINS, STRUGGLES BUZZ We're stuck! REX The chains got caught on that hook thing! Can you reach it? TREY Give me a boost! SOUND MACHINE NOISE, HOOK RAISING REX What the crap? UNO We're chained at the waist, dumbass, how far you think you're gonna get climbing? FROGGER Little do they know that this party was thrown in their [sour] honor. Is it not ironic that they were so caught up in their own amusement they didn't recognize a single one of the people they've wronged? REX You are so dead, you little shitball. The minute we get out of here, your life will go to hell. FROGGER My life has been hell, you evil douchbags! You think I liked being your little funny guy - your jester? You think I helped you because I thought it was fun? Every joke I helped with was like ground glass in my soul, and I still feel like I should be hanging up there with you. [to crowd] One more notch, and they'll be on tiptoe. What do you think? CROWD [roars approval] FROGGER It's not as funny when you're the butt of the joke, is it? UNO Dude, just cut it out. We've learned our lesson, and shit. man. FROGGER Lets see what the crowd thinks! CROWD [booo] FROGGER Sorry. Can't let it go just yet. How about you, milord? What's your beef? SOUND HAND OVER THE MIKE NOISE FRED [not on mike] They're gonna bury us. FROGGER [not on mike] Not a problem. C'mon. Think of it as group therapy. SOUND MIKE UNCOVERED FRED [quick, ashamed] They duct taped my - my butt. FROGGER [sincere] I'm very sorry. SOUND CROWD SUBDUED APPLAUSE SOUND ANOTHER CRANK OF CHAIN FRATS [whoa! They've been pulled off the ground] MUSIC LYDIA The jester suddenly uttered a shrill whistle; and the chain flew violently up - dragging with it the dismayed and struggling ourang-outangs, and leaving them suspended in mid-air. MUSIC FROGGER Ah, ha! I begin to see who these "people" are now! But it's so dark in here. Give me a tiki torch, someone. DORA Here. FRED Watch out - they'll kick you! FROGGER They could. But then they'll start swinging. It's not fun, hung up by your waist, is it? UNO You little shit! TREY Your ass is grass, man. SOUND STRUGGLING, CHAIN CREAKING, SWINGING FROGGER [to the crowd] How many of us have been hung like this - by you, or those like you? CROWD [agrees] FROGGER [over elaborate] Watch out! Don't swing too close to the fire! SOUND FIRE CATCHES WITH A WHOOMPH FRATS [screaming] CROWD [screams] FROGGER Whoops! MUSIC LYDIA "I now see distinctly." he said, "what manner of people these maskers are. They are a great king and his seven privy-councillors, - a king who does not scruple to strike a defenceless girl and his seven councillors who abet him in the outrage. As for myself, I am simply Hop-Frog, the jester-and this is my last jest." MUSIC AMB OUTSIDE, NIGHT SOUND DISTANT FIRE TRUCKS LYDIA I can't even feel sorry for them. FROGGER Nope. LYDIA It helps, to know I'm not alone. FROGGER You should never feel alone. I'm here. LYDIA I mean, that they hurt lots of people. FROGGER [self-loathing] And I helped. Too many times. LYDIA They would have done it anyway. FROGGER I can't forgive myself. LYDIA Could I? FROGGER Could you what? LYDIA Could I forgive you? FROGGER [a bit teary] That would be a good start. MUSIC LYDIA It is supposed that Trippetta, stationed on the roof, had been the accomplice of her friend in his fiery revenge, and that, together, they effected their escape. MUSIC THE END ...

Bonus Feature - Women, Gyms & Exercise

Madison On The Air

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 10, 2022 12:24

From not being "ladylike" to "Wellness Trends" to body sculpting to please your husband, women have had society frowning on them breaking a sweat. Madison talks with Julie Hoverson, the voice of the women's gym owner from our Philip Marlowe episode, about a brief history of women and working out. Find us on the web at: MadisonOnTheAir.com

5.4: Soupy For The Soul

Hubris: A 24-Hour Podcast Project

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 4, 2022 29:47

Round 5, Group 4: The Noodle Soup Incident. Transcript here. In an effort to connect with their overworked partner and baffling metamour, an impulsive chef cooks up a child. Will this be the recipe that brings them all together, or a soupy catastrophe? Content Warnings: child endangerment, and cartoonish animal harm. This episode was written by Elisabeth Nyveen and D.J. Sylvis. It was edited by Julie Hoverson and directed by Rel Pepple. Dialogue editing was done by Colton Flick and sound design by Daniel Young. And this episode was transcribed by Martin Dearden. This episode stars Elisabeth Nyveen as both Strone and Mini-Strone, Martin Dearden as Chipwick, Daniel Young as Rel, and Colton Flick as the zoo announcer.

soul dialogue rel content warnings soupy daniel young julie hoverson

Episode 42, Kuiper episode 1

Candy Is Yummy

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 4, 2022 11:09

Episode 1 of Kuiper, our brand new galactic comedy adventure. The actors were Glenda Villamar, Michael Cuellar, Elli Reads, Jordan Kalina, Chrystal Tang, Lane Pride, Julie Hoverson, Kaiya Birch, & Cindy Terry. The episode was written by Josh Busch. The cool music was by Alan Frijns, Electronic Senses, ArtSlop Flodur, ComaStudio, & Penguinmusic. The audio engineer was Glenda Villamar. Please visit FreeRice.com and play their free games, because the revenue generated from the tiny ads displayed there is used to feed starving people around the world. How amazing is that?! Thanks for listening and we hope you'll listen to our next episode.

kuiper comastudio julie hoverson electronic senses

Edict Zero – FIS – EP604 – “Zugzwang”

Edict Zero - FIS

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 27, 2022

EDICT ZERO – FIS – Season 6 Episode 4 – “Zugzwang” #CREDITS# VOICES: James Keller, Julie Hoverson, Phil Rossi, Russell Gold, Tanja Milojevic, Fiona Thraille, Robert Cudmore, Chris Barnes, David Collins-Rivera, Michael Hudson, Pandora Kew, Jennifer Dixon, Owen McCuen, and Jack Kincaid. EXPANDED VOICE CREDITS “The Captain”________________________ Jack Kincaid Drusilla, The Bishop ________________ Jennifer Dixon […]

science drama captain series fiction fis edict zugzwang chris barnes michael hudson tanja milojevic russell gold jennifer dixon julie hoverson phil rossi fiona thraille robert cudmore owen mccuen edict zero jack kincaid edict zero fis

Episode 227: The Final New Episode - Know When To Walk Away, Know When To Run by Rish Outfield

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 15, 2022 70:52

The day has finally come, folks. It's the final new episode of the Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine. We've been at this for fourteen years, but our production has flagged considerably as the years have gone by. Rather than let the Dunesteef fade away slowly, we thought it would be best to give the old girl a proper burial. So, here we are. First, we bring you a story from Rish Outfield called, "Know When to Walk Away, Know When to Run." An emotionally unstable man goes to a casino with his best friend to soothe his pain from the anniversary of being left at the altar. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned, because not everyone at the poker table is who they seem. After the story is over, Rish and Big talk about a number of things, from the happy things that the podcast brought to their lives, to the future of what you can expect from the two of them. We're going to miss you all, but it doesn't have to be the end. Don't say goodbye, say good journey. Special thanks to Julie Hoverson, Tena Kolokowski, and Bryan Lincoln for lending their voices to the story.

run walk away rish julie hoverson rish outfield bryan lincoln dunesteef

19 Nocturne Boulevard - AULD LANG SYNE (parts 1-3 of 6) (Deadeye Kid #5) Reissue of the week

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2022 34:26

A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts. disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid - J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw - J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington - Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design: Brett Coulstock Announcer: Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme: "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves. The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify. Some say he rides alone. That's the Deadeye Kid. ************************************************************* Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM Largest town I been near in a good passel of time. I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW Will it be safe? LEM Safe? FANSHAW I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns. For ... notoriety's sake. LEM Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party? 'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory. FANSHAW Is it worth the risk? LEM [shrug noise] Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM [laughs] Ayup. I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more. Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW [rolling eyes] Yes, yes. LEM Sides, I'm outta coffee. And low on shells. FANSHAW [teasing] Heavens. How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB IN TOWN SOUND WALKING ON WOOD LEM Lotta trade hereabouts. Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW Lem! Soldiers. LEM [voice low] Right. We'll go on over yonder. [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance. FANSHAW I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind. LEM Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW I say. Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM [shrug] Three weeks. Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW I'll-- LISETTE [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE [off a bit] Clary? I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW [stiff, covering] Old acquaintance. Go on ahead! LEM Right. 3_SALOON SOUND HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB SALOON LEM One here. SOUND DRINK POURED BARTENDER There you go. SOUND COINS SOUND LEM DRINKS GRISHAM [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER Something wrong, fella? LEM [coughing, trying to clear his throat] Toothache. Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER [sympathetic] Tarnation. You need it yonked? Barber can‑‑ LEM [finally getting clear] No, no. I kin handle it. SOUND COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM Another. And sorry about the-- BARTENDER [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND MORE COINS LEM Give me the bottle. GRISHAM Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM Ayup. 4_LISETTE AMB OUTSIDE LISETTE [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you! Mustache and all. Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE Oh, how formal. Just like at school. What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE And we used to be such chums. However did you end up here? FANSHAW I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that! You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE [not amused any more] At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW Jolly good. Happy you're dead. Must get along. LISETTE Don't run off so quickly, Clary! FANSHAW [long breath of self-control] LISETTE There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages. FANSHAW How unfortunate. Must rush. LISETTE I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW [quiet] Bloody hell. [up] I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE I'm sure. But he replied. Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW I-- LISETTE Oh, just watch your face! You're trying desperately to come up with a lie! You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW Stop calling me that. LISETTE Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap. I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend. FANSHAW [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB SALOON SOUND LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM [low] Sit. GRISHAM What makes you think I'd sit with you? You done went and killed me! LEM That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you. You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM I ... drifted. LEM That's just what's got me hornswoggled. Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM [sigh] SOUND DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND PIGS LEM Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW That woman - ghost woman. LEM An old flame? FANSHAW Nonsense! We knew each other as ... children. She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here. LEM Spect not. Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW [disgusted] Yes... LEM So? You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW Lisette Carmichael. She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things. About other people. She likes to -- LEM Hold a grudge? Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW Aptly put. Yes. LEM You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you? Leastways not no more. FANSHAW You might be surprised. LEM Who's she a-gonna tell? [realizes] Oh. FANSHAW And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you. Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM [after a moment] Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW What? LEM Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW No. It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW What? LEM Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW You would leave? Over this? LEM I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return. SOUND WALKING IN MUD LEM Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB BARN SOUND TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM You distract her, I'll get the gear. Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW Righty-ho. SOUND LEAVES GRISHAM Running away, eh? Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM [sigh] You're lucky ain't no one about but us. Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM You kilt me! LEM We had it out, fair and square. I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up] I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me. Not on purpose. SOUND LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards. Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM I din't do THAT to you neither. You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM By shooting the Kid? You ain't the first. GRISHAM But you still kilt me. LEM And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more. Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me. Hee-yaw! SOUND RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW Lisette? LISETTE There you are! Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW So sorry. Didn't have much choice. My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE Did you make a clean breast of it? Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say? FANSHAW You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did. LISETTE So bothered over trifles! How much people change! FANSHAW Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you! Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE Carmela? Served her right. FANSHAW She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE She also let herself be compromised! I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right? A champion of truth? LISETTE Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW History is replete with-- LISETTE Oh, spare me. Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW Very well. I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed. Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings. LISETTE [outraged] I--? You--! FANSHAW Kindly allow me to finish. There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved. Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE No doubt. I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW [strange gasp, ending on a laugh] No, but I think I shall. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND HORSES WALKING LEM I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW How odd. Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW And we know the how and why of that. Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM How? And who with? Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed. Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself. LEM Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune. When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW [chagrined] Oh. MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK NOTE Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB SALOON LEM Gimme two. SOUND CARDS LEM [pleased noise] I'll see you and raise-- SOUND CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM Your call. PLAYER1 [shaky] Um... I fold. LEM [chuckles] PATRON1 How can he--? Patron2 Shh! SOUND HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM [heavy menace] You the deadeye kid? LEM [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards. Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM [long dramatic sigh] Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1 [muttered] Uh, yeah. I'm done. Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles. Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM Now! LEM [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER Uh... certainly. GRISHAM I'll do it! I will! SOUND CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM Rightchere in front of all these good folks? And leave the dealer to clean up the mess? [tsks] Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC BACK TO NOW SOUND HORSES WALKING FANSHAW Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Shooting someone in the back. LEM And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over. Ain't no pride in the easy way. FANSHAW Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM Are you stepping? LEM What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes? Milk? [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM [furious noise] I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you. SOUND DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM Barkeep? Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM Rattlin. Yup. There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown. Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW Why not? He called you out. LEM He was halfway round on rotgut. Not a nugget's chance agin me. Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW But you stepped out with him? Even knowing he had no chance? LEM A'course. He wouldn't take no. Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone. I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you. And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so. You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you. That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM You ready? LEM Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow? I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM [duh] Yep. [beat] That's your sole entire reason? You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM And o'course it gots to be a callout. [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford. [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM Come on! Kick it up, Deadeye! Less'n yer yellow! SOUND LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM [maddenginly cool] Oh. I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND G - BODY DROP SOUND LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER. A MOMENT. FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC BACK TO NOW FANSHAW [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM Have to ice over that pond. Hard and cold. Hard and cold. FANSHAW I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving. I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW But men can behave in a civilized manner! Look at we Brits. LEM [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW Do you enjoy it? LEM [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM Hmmm. [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time. FANSHAW The thrill of danger? LEM That, but even more so. If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs. This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it. Kill or be killed. [beat, then not quite truthful] Enjoy? No. FANSHAW Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC FLASH BACK AMB INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN [gasps] SOUND [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM [voiceover] there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best. Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER Your shot, Mister. LEM [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC BACK TO NOW LEM [brisk] It's coming down dusk. Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Look - the horizon! LEM Signal fires, and a lot of em. Damn. FANSHAW They're a little far off to get a better look at. We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM Someone's gotta warn the town. Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM Not so much that I saw. They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there. FANSHAW [heavy sigh] Right, then. SOUND DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW She's neither a lady nor a friend. But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me. [change of tone] We are a couple of hours out. LEM Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin. We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND READYING FOR BATTLE LEM If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER You've done enough already, stranger. Ain't even your fight. LEM I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there. Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM That's fine. Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone. FANSHAW [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE No. I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to. [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town. I'm still not sure how you did that. Or why you came back. FANSHAW We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious. Fanshaw, dear old chum. Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE [surprised laugh] Hah! All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air! And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out. Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it. We have a job to do. LISETTE Wait! FANSHAW [long sigh] Yes? LISETTE Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW I doubt I shall need any. But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND POUNDING LISETTE Oh heavens! Not again! MAN [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND POUNDING STOPS LISETTE Try that scene again from the top. Romeo? FANSHAW [sigh] Yes? LISETTE Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET Oh, I like "him". So terribly byronic. FANSHAW I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY Sir? LEM Yeah? SCOTTY Private Scott. Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM [sigh] Right. You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY O'course. LEM Against a person? SCOTTY Well, against animals. LEM Right. GRISHAM Not everyone can be you. LEM [sighs] SCOTTY Don't you worry! I ain't afraid! GRISHAM This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet. You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM Scotty. Right. You gotta horse? SCOTTY Over there. GRISHAM [rueful] My damn horse. Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets. LEM Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY Right, sir! GRISHAM Ain't he a little young? You should oughtta throw him back. LEM I'm stuck with him. And I never kept notches. GRISHAM That ain't what I heered. LEM Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY Tell me about what? Injuns? [certain] I know all about them. LEM [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB CRICKETS SOUND HORSES FANSHAW They're still out of range. I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM Hmm? FANSHAW I can make out English and Spanish. Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM [quiet] Ain't impossible. Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY What ain't impossible? LEM We're gettin close. Best to go on foot. SCOTTY These here horses are my responsibility! LEM Best you stay and watch'em, then. FANSHAW Don't forget the satchel. SOUND CREAK LEM Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin! I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW [laughs] I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND REMOVING SPURS LEM Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things. If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there. You reckon? SCOTTY How'll you find us? LEM I'll find you. Just be ready. And don't shoot me. SOUND QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK echoey hallway LISETTE [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW Carmichael. LISETTE [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume. Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers. Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE Perhaps plain trousers, then. [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement. [dismissive] But a costume is a costume. I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW I'll have a look round. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM Ooh! Scairt you, din't I? LEM [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM [smug and evil] Well that's good, then. Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM What all do you want? GRISHAM Apart from you in a pine box? I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM Not likely, nope. How'd you follow us? GRISHAM What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW Who the devil is this? GRISHAM Who the devil are you? LEM What'd ya find out? FANSHAW A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle. GRISHAM What kinda girlie man are ya? Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW We need to get moving. GRISHAM I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND KNIFE FANSHAW [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM Oooohhhh. FANSHAW Marquis of Queensbury be damned. We need to go. GRISHAM [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM What'd you do to him? FANSHAW I didn't! I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea? 8_JULIET3 SOUND TAP ON DOOR LISETTE Fanshaw? FANSHAW Come in. LISETTE I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW I was considering what I might do with my hair. To create the right ilusion. LISETTE That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW I prefer not. It looks like an ottoman on my head. LISETTE And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW Whyever not? LISETTE On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE That is the final straw! Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW What? LISETTE That you would take too many liberties. You are out. FANSHAW Out? LISETTE [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW I don't see anyone. Anyone... hostile. SOUND QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM What is-- [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW I don't doubt it. SCOTTY And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM [heavy sigh] Ayup. CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM Good thing I had that with me. Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW Of course. SCOTTY I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son. And you been punished enough. SCOTTY What do you mean? They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW I'll deal with him. LEM I'll leave you to it. SCOTTY What are you doing? LEM Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns. You gon' be all right? SOUND RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place. Especially in the dark. SCOTTY Can't do anything? What are you talking about? FANSHAW Hush, Scotty. Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM Where the hell? [Thunder?]! Goddam rustlers! SOUND MEN WALK BY LEADER Two horses, two saddles. I don't like it. SECOND Guerrero had the kid down before we realized. But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough. LEADER [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND We're nearly ready. 3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY [trying not to cry] So that's IT? I mean this is it? No nothing left? No heaven? FANSHAW There are so many things even I don't understand. I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW Most do. And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW [uncomfortable] Oh, dear. That is a shame. SCOTTY What's it like? FANSHAW [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY Being with a woman? FANSHAW Ohhh.... 4_RUNNING LEM [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM [muttered] Dammit. Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK SOUND NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS [yelling, off] Leastways, there's a good moon! PIEDMONT [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS [off, yelling] Spread out! Don't let that traitor get away! Where's that rope? PIEDMONT [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you? You been all over the place! FANSHAW Oh dear. [up] I've spent most of my life deep in study. I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all. SCOTTY Me too. Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW [after a moment] Women are.... soft. SCOTTY [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW And round. In places where men aren't. SCOTTY But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW [flabbergasted] What? SCOTTY You never don't see none of them out of skirts! Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men. Arms, legs, heads - well, one head. You understand. SCOTTY [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW Yes. Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT Shh! Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT There is no call to use such language, boy. Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM I should hope I do! My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM [pride] Yup. SOUND OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS [outside] Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM I don't fancy getting whupped. I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night. 8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW I was in love. When I was very young. SCOTTY Was she really purtty? FANSHAW [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face. Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW Our parents objected. They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY What didja do? FANSHAW I waited. I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY You waited on a rock? FANSHAW I waited at school. I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY What happened? FANSHAW I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY Yes? FANSHAW That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY She'd gone and -- FANSHAW My "dearest love" had married another. Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY Damn! Women are right terrible. FANSHAW Don't fault women, boy. There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men. We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT Yes. YOUNG LEM Why? What for? PIEDMONT We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM You mean the war? Hmph. My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS There he is! MAN Get him! PIEDMONT [scream] SOUND SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW Yes. We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY How'd it work? FANSHAW Work? SCOTTY I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW I don't know that I have an answer for you. I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY Years? You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW We... help people. And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety. 11_SHOT SOUND LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir! My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take. YOUNG LEM [gasp] Pa? SOUND GUNSHOT SOUND TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on. SCOTTY Business? I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW No, no. For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY Oh. I spose that could happen. FANSHAW Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW [cheering] Or, when the town has been warned. That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY [wailing] Oh no! FANSHAW Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY What if it's ladies? FANSHAW [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward. Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS Good. Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS Yup. YOUNG LEM In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS Yup. [beat] You asking something? YOUNG LEM What if he'd'a kilt me? Or what if you did? ROBERTS [long pause] Life's hard, boy. You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM Oh. SOUND BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS Lem? YOUNG LEM [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY It ain't fair! I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW Life is not fair. Death even less so. SCOTTY I-- FANSHAW [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer. SCOTTY Answer? FANSHAW Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY Oh. And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW What about me? SCOTTY Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW Oh. But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY No? Why? FANSHAW I still have many things to see. And I feel like I'm doing good here. There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY That's crazy talk. FANSHAW That's why it's a story. In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY All right. Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW A talking bug, but yes, a bug. SCOTTY That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW True. [gasp] Look at the horizon! I think they are on the move! SCOTTY Is there something we can do? FANSHAW This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER [commands] We need more shot at the western boundary! Get someone over there! SOLDIER Yessir! SOUND FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2 Sir! Someone's coming! On foot! COMMANDER On foot? SENTRY [off] Halt! LEM [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop... I'm gon fall down... And I gotta get to... The commander. SENTRY Stop, I say! COMMANDER Let him on through. LEM They're a-movin. Deserters 'n comancheros. Have guns. COMMANDER Why are you-- LEM Kilt Scotty. Took the horses. Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND FALLS DOWN COMMANDER Are you all right? [up] Someone get Doc! LEM I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY We got to do something! FANSHAW And just what do you have in mind? I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem. By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY Can't we spook the horses or nothing? That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW I was with you the entire trip out from town. Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY [really down] No. FANSHAW If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him. Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC Can you get yourself around this? LEM [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC [shrug] Mostly brandy. Medicinal. LEM [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE Oh, goodness. I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend. LEM [coughs] DOC Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM [hawks, spits, clear throat] Hits the spot. LISETTE [calculating] And not able to walk away. [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them. You up fer it? LEM Will be... shortly. Any chance of a mite to eat? It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW We've come across... others. But they are very rare. SCOTTY [yelling] I want to DO something! I want to help! FANSHAW There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus! I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY But I-- GRISHAM [off] Will you two shut up? They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW Oh dear. Come along. SCOTTY Where? FANSHAW To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND MEN READY TO GO SOUND MOUNT UP LEM [sigh of relief, but also soreness] COMMANDER You doing all right, there, feller? LEM Better saddle than boots. I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set. Least we can do. Let's go. SOUND HORSES MOVE OUT LEM Commander? COMMANDER Hmm? LEM Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER This town is not a good place for that. Too spread out. And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out. Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER I like the way you think, hombre. [up] Company! [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND PUNCH FANSHAW [casual] shut up. SCOTTY That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW Leave him! [quiet, moving away] We can't actually be hurt. But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to. I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW Blast! He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW How? SCOTTY Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM oof! SCOTTY Better'n pie! You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM [muttered] Fanshaw? Damn. Too far out. COMMANDER What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM Nothing much to speak of. Some hills. A ridge off to the north where first we saw them. No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER Good. Cain't let this sort of thing go. LEM Course not. COMMANDER You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM Ayup. Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER You're sure he's ... dead? LEM I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER [sad] That's too bad. LEM Kin? COMMANDER Nephew. LEM [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW Looks like about three score. Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night. Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK AMB BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA Stop calling me that, nanny! I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY You'll always be my little bunny bug. Oh! Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head? [gasp of fear] Did you hurt yourself? Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA No! I am a pirate. NANNY Do not be so silly. There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA Of course there are. They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA Well not just NOW. When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER Did you see how big a force they had? LEM Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought. At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER [skeptical] Really? LEM They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER [considers, then agrees] No, you don't. LEM 'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER [chuckles] Sound thinking. [up] Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY [pleased] You tired yet, feller? I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM [tired] You little whippersnapper! Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead. More than he will ever know. [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1 Hey! I found something! SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW [worried] Damn! Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2 What? SECOND Silence! RUFFIAN2 [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1 Split it? Nonsense! It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway. Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB Yessir! LEM If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite. COMMANDER You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM [shrug] Someone's gotta. 'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER Valuables? LEM Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY Mister Fanshaw! That fellow just vanished! Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY Why? FANSHAW I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag. Now that it has been found... SCOTTY Why? Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW No. There's something in there - Oh! It's moving. Stay with me as long as you can. SCOTTY Why can't I--? FANSHAW Shh! [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there. And you are on the other end. SCOTTY Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW Basically, yes. You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW Yes! [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA I am going to be a pirate! I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY Stealing is very wicked. YOUNG CLARA But you can't be a pirate without stealing! Then you're just a sailor! NANNY And young ladies do not become pirates. Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA Or nannies. NANNY [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug. You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA I should rather be a nanny. Mummies are boring. Nannies have things to do. NANNY [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate! I want to see the world! NANNY [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA Then I want to be a boy! END Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM I kin look after myself. Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy. I best get a move on. COMMANDER One thing. LEM Yeah? COMMANDER One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM [down] Oh. COMMANDER And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM I- COMMANDER [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous. Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM I kin only do my best. SOUND WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW Blackguards. RUFFIAN2 [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1 [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2 [whisper] Heavy is good! Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1 Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW Such stimulating conversation. I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay. 3_TALLYHO SOUND STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM Nothin. [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off. And ridin. FANSHAW [distant] Tally-ho! LEM [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW Halloooooo! Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM What the devil? [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW [muffled noises] SOUND STRUGGLING GRISHAM Oh, no you don't! SOUND MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me. Long as I ignore it. But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW [noise of effort] GRISHAM [ouch!] Hey! You bit me! FANSHAW Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM Waitaminute. [disgusted noise] FANSHAW [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid-- [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW [noise of effort] SOUND STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM You're a-- ? FANSHAW You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM what the hell? A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER [commanding, but quiet] They're coming! SOUND [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER [a bit superior] I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw. 6_PLAN DOS LEADER Shots? SECOND Sir? LEADER Damn. Someone has seen. Get El puerco and his fellows. Tell them plan dos. SECOND Plan dos, sir? LEADER They'll circle south and get behind the town. We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND Yessir! SOUND RUNS OFF SCOTTY [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW [distant but closer, yelling] Lem! That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM [muttered] Damn. And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM [very quietly] 30...? Nearer fifty. That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND SHOTS! (where the horses went to) LEM [muttered to self] hold on. SOUND NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM [muttered] almost... GRISHAM There you are! LEM [sharp intake of breath] That don't work on me twice. Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM Oh, that girly friend of your'n? Funny thing about that-- SOUND GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM Good riddance. And jest in time. SOUND BEGINS SHOOTING MaN [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER [roaring now] Hold the lines! More shot, boy! BOY Yessir! MAN [hit, argh!] COMMANDER Stay low! FANSHAW All seems rather well here. GRISHAM There you are. FANSHAW Bloody hell. GRISHAM [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND RELOADING SOUND NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM That's nine. SOUND SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY [distant, yelling] Someone! They're circling round! There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM Damn. [listens for a second] Fanshaw? Damn. SCOTTY [yelling] Please! Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse. [chuckles] dead don't get hoarse. But I gotta get one. [clucks to horse] SOUND HORSE BLOWS LEM [grunts as he swings into the saddle] Come on. FANSHAW [a bit distant] Lem? LEM Wazzat? There you are! FANSHAW Close as I can get just now, and can't stay. That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM Grisham? Yeah. FANSHAW The commander seems to be holding well. The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM Good. Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW What message? LEM Just try and tell the boy. So he can rest hisself. [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW Scotty? Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER This is no time to be peaceable. They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND HORSE APPROACHING LEM [distant] Commander! COMMANDER Let him through. [up, to Lem] Looks like we've got nearly all of them. SOUND GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM [to horse] Whoah! I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind. COMMANDER My god! LEM Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER You, boy! BOY Yessir? COMMANDER Bring my horse, quickly! LEM You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts. My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM Sound thinkin. I have been going a bit. COMMANDER Corporal? CORPORAL [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW Lem? I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance. Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND LEM DISMOUNTS LEM Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints. I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL Excellent! FANSHAW I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM Found you! FANSHAW Oh, damn! GRISHAM You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW [hits out] GRISHAM [ungh!] FANSHAW Have to get him out of here, Lem. Too distracting. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [laughs triumphantly] Coward! But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM What? LEM You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet. You hear me? GRISHAM [all the bluster gone] Yeah. LEM Good. I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND GUNSHOT LEM [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM Hah! I still gotcha! LEM [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up? CORPORAL [commanding] Men! SOUND MORE GUNSHOTS LEM [groan] SOUND BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER Hold on, there, fellow. LEM [vague] all's well? COMMANDER We got em. LEM My pack? COMMANDER I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR Bite down on this. He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them. You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN Just a little bit of broth, mister. You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM [annoyed moan] FANSHAW You're awake. LEM [quiet] Anyone--? FANSHAW Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM Good. I been shot? FANSHAW At least twice, judging by the bandages. Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say. I should have been watching. LEM [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin. FANSHAW [awkward pause, then stiffly] Should I ...go? LEM Go? go where? FANSHAW [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace. To rest. I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM [straining a bit] Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM [satisfied] Good. FANSHAW I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW Oh. LEM Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW [bracing breath] Yes. LEM [exasperated snort] Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW Yes. LEM [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW So she did--? LEM [shrug] Yup. So? FANSHAW [surprised] So? LEM You cain't be the first. FANSHAW First? LEM Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW I... don't? LEM 'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants. FANSHAW What? END

god music women time death history lord english business man men dogs work mexico running young sound friend struggle leader spanish safe funny night plan silence poor horses worry serving bridge raise hits picture kick shakespeare boy thunder shooting soldiers blame throw milk gotta spread drunk split roberts coins arms barbers stealing found shots forced doc signal punch editing largest bite bloody commander blast indians nonsense sides halt served ruining scotty heavens mister wreck brits sir guerrero jest din ri hmmm bartenders hush gimme tack dealer mustaches jolly nothin fayetteville marquis lieutenant kin coward nephew tonic corporal medicinal mummies dammit carmichael piedmont auld lang syne sentry lem gunshots ohh hah nearer shh reissue scuffle commotion grisham deserters jorgenson nannies many men yer honeysuckle hee yellin toothache spect aptly robert ford quick draw selfridge valuables deadeye righty queensbury angry mob tarnation barkeep dismount goddam kevin macleod incompetech halloo hmph julie hoverson ungh whatchoo nocturne boulevard blackguards mister roberts unbuckling injuns fanshaw

19 Nocturne Boulevard - HAUNTING MELODY (parts 4-5 of 5) (Deadeye Kid #4) Reissue of the week

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 21, 2022 20:58

In their first serialized adventure {in 5 parts}, Lem and Fanshaw accompany a "studier of the supernatural" to face something they may never have seen before - a ghost ... or at least a ghost that can affect the "real world". Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid - J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw - J. Hoverson Dr. Sullivan - Michael Coleman {Tales of the Extraordinary} Mr. Cartland - Reynaud LeBoeuf Emma Cartland - Jacquie Duckworth Melody Heath - Melissa Bartell Red - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Hank - Mark Olson Clyde Wishwell - Bob Noble Mr. Baker - Paul Green {Encyclopedia of Weird Westerns} Add'l voices by Gene Thorkildsen Cover Design: Brett Coulstock [Old photos used to make Fanshaw purchased from www.recycledrelatives.com] Announcer: Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme: "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson ------- No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves. The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify. Some say he rides alone. That's the Deadeye Kid. **************************************************************** Haunting Melody Cast: [opening credits/Olivia] LEMuel Roberts - Spyder Clarence FANSHAW - julie Dr. SULLIVAN - Michael coleman Mr. CARTLAND - Mrs. EMMA Cartland - Jacquie Duckworth MELODY Heath - RED - HANK - CLYDE Wishwell - Bob Noble Mr. Baker, the real expert - Paul Greene OPENER OLD HOSS No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves. The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify. Some say he rides alone. That's the Deadeye Kid. CLOSER OLD HOSS The lonely cowboy cliché, always riding out, heading... yonder. Join us again in two weeks when he rides back over that far horizon. MUSIC SOUND BUCKBOARD, HORSES FANSHAW [straining] I think I can just make out a structure of some sort. LEM Not much further now. SULLIVAN Excellent. I am in your debt for all your help in getting me out here. LEM Woulda been a mite easier if'n you were were saddled, stead of carted. Some of these ruts-- SULLIVAN I've never been much of a horseman. And this is a fairish wagon. FANSHAW Garish, rather. LEM Well, I reckon it was cheap. SULLIVAN Oh, yes. They rented it to me at a very reasonable rate. FANSHAW Ah, rented. That explains why he has not repainted over the "Piewacket Players" placard on the side. SULLIVAN I understand a couple of the actors are - um - incarcerated for some while. Renting me the wagon and horses saved them board and stowage. Everyone benefits. FANSHAW Actually, some of these murals are rather good. If the players are half as talented as their painter, it might be worth seeking out one of their performances. LEM [dubious] I reckon. FANSHAW [musing] King Lear. Julius Caeser. Romeo and Juliet. [chuckles] They seem to perform a lot of the classics. Shakespeare. LEM Mmm. FANSHAW Did you know that in Shakespeare's day - some 250 years ago - it was illegal for women to perform on the stage? LEM Hush. FANSHAW Oh, Lem, do let me impart a little culture for once. LEM [Annoyed grunt] FANSHAW Particularly while you cannot argue. As I was saying, back in the day, all the female parts were played by young men. SULLIVAN Oh, goodness! Look at that! LEM [eager] Whatsat? SULLIVAN That's an awfully steep hill up ahead. You think the wagon can manage it? LEM I reckon so, reverend. SULLIVAN "Doctor", please. I prefer it as an honorific. LEM [puzzled] But you're a "man o' god"? SULLIVAN And a man of science as well. I firmly believe that the church cannot simply deny science, but must embrace it, and hand in hand we shall move forward into the next century! LEM [dubious] A'right then. FANSHAW Fervent, isn't he? SULLIVAN Sorry. I find I must defend myself constantly - both against those who find science and religion incompatible, and against those who pooh-pooh my branch of science entirely. LEM Oh? SULLIVAN [defiant] I have made a comprehensive study of the existence of ghosts. LEM [choking back a cough] OH. FANSHAW Oh, dear. MUSIC MELODY [off] [wailing, hysterics] SOUND DOOR OPENS, WAILING UP CARTLAND Don't that girl ever shut up? EMMA Bart! She swears she's being tormented. SOUND DOOR SHUTS CARTLAND Hysteria. You women can't stop yourselves from being women, but the least you can do is keep quiet when a man wants to think. EMMA What do you want me to do? Lock her in a madhouse? She's my own flesh and blood! CARTLAND Your sister is pitching a fit 'cause she ain't getting her own way. Nothing more. EMMA But what if it is something more? CARTLAND I got that well in hand. EMMA What? How? CARTLAND Don't go questioning me, woman. Where's my grub? MUSIC SULLIVAN [pugnacious] Do you, or do you not believe in ghosts? FANSHAW [short bark of a laugh] LEM [dry] I reckon I do. SULLIVAN Many people believe that the supernatural is somehow at cross-purposes with the bible, but it isn't so. Ever since Solomon, the wisest men in the good book studied the ways of the supernatural, in order to overcome it. LEM Solomon. Izzat the king fellow? FANSHAW Famous for his wise judgment. And not cutting up the baby. SULLIVAN Traditionally, many have always believed that the dead may carry on, side by side with the living, unseen but always present. LEM Ain't this more of a church question? SULLIVAN What do you mean? LEM Well, if you believe folks just hunker down once they passed on, then what you think of heaven? SULLIVAN I don't believe every soul lingers. Have you ever heard of Purgatory? FANSHAW Oh, goodness. LEM Ain't that a town in Nevada territory? SULLIVAN In the bible, purgatory is a place where people who are not good enough to go to heaven nor evil enough to go directly to hell are judged. FANSHAW Which bible, precisely? LEM Guess I never got that far in bible learnin. SULLIVAN It is the premise for all my theories that purgatory is not a place, but merely a "state"-- LEM [playing dumb] Wyoming? [1890] FANSHAW [grim] Ask him which bible. SULLIVAN [trying not to get exasperated] --and that spirits that need to be redeemed, or to mend their ways, may in fact be "in purgatory" much like someone could be "in a foul temper" - right next to us. FANSHAW Balderdash! Utter rubbish! LEM Looky there! That should be the ranch now! MUSIC MELODY [heavy breathing, end of crying jag] SOUND TAP ON THE DOOR, DOOR OPENS EMMA Melody? Are you feeling a little better? MELODY [sullen] I been bit. EMMA Bit? By what? A rat? MELODY Come and look. EMMA I'll fetch a lantern. MELODY No! EMMA Or open the shutters? MELODY No!! They don't like the light! I kin only open them at night. EMMA [very upset] oh. What can I do to help? MELODY [disheartened] Nothing. EMMA Are you hungry? There's some good stew. MELODY I can't. I just can't. EMMA Here, show me that bite. MUSIC LEM [quiet] What's gnawing on you? FANSHAW I do not consider myself a particularly religious fellow, but if there is one thing I have found quite frustrating about the wide open west it is that so many people simply decide that they are experts on this or that subject, and other people believe them, for lack of any alternatives. LEM Mm? FANSHAW He claims to know the bible, but then he goes on about this spiritism nonsense. And purgatory! I may not be a divinity scholar but a childhood of churchgoing taught me that that is a catholic conceit, and he's got it wrong anyway. Purgatory was where souls waited out a period of penance, while their friends and family prayed for their release. LEM How'd they know if they got out? FANSHAW I believe the priests would tell them. It always smacked of extortion to me. LEM [laughs] Well. How's all this gonna make a damn lick of difference just now? FANSHAW What? LEM Whatever it is he believes - it gonna change the price of oats? FANSHAW [sigh] No. LEM Good. That's cleared up, then. Road's widenin up, and we'll be alongside the wagon agin soon. MUSIC EMMA We need to send Melody somewhere. If only you had let her marry-- CARTLAND She's 16 - too damn young, and don't know her own mind. EMMA I know, but if she was away-- CARTLAND Dammit woman. You are my wife, and I will not be argued with. EMMA Of course. [beat] Something bit her. CARTLAND Bit? Like a snake? EMMA The marks....um... they looked-- CARTLAND Oh, just spit it out. EMMA They looked like they were made by a man! MUSIC SOUND THEY ARE STOPPED. HORSES, HARNESS, DISMOUNT, ETC. SULLIVAN Thank you ever so much for helping me to find my way. I'm not much of an outdoorsman. Or horseman. FANSHAW Nor much of a cleric, apparently. LEM Right happy to help. Why is it you were comin all the way out here in the first place? [chuckles] Not to put on a play. SULLIVAN [chuckles] It is rather a curious wagon, isn't it? But I am afraid my job here is rather confidential. CARTLAND [yelling from off] Is that the Reverend? Get on in here! SULLIVAN [dithering] Oh, um I-- LEM I'll look to your horses. You get along. SULLIVAN Excellent. FANSHAW I don't like him. LEM You don' like his views. FANSHAW They're gibberish! LEM 'Zat anythin like folderol? [serious] Why'n't you go on in and see what brand o' folderol he's spinnin to the good folks inside. FANSHAW [stiff upper lip] I shall try and keep my temper. LEM [muttered] Tryin never hurt no one. SOUND A FEW MOMENTS OF UNHARNASSING, THEN SUDDEN TUSSLE, RED GRABS LEM AND SLAMS HIM INTO THE WALL OF THE BARN SOUND HORSES ANNOYED, SHYING SOUND GUN COCKS RED [snarled] The Deadeye Kid. MUSIC SOUND FANSHAW ENTERS CARTLAND --convince her it ain't nothing but temper! EMMA But the bite! SULLIVAN A bite? EMMA She looks like she was bit, bad. CARTLAND There's no way anyone could get in there and bite her. SULLIVAN It isn't unheard of. FANSHAW A bite? CARTLAND [suspicious] Really? EMMA See! SULLIVAN Manifestations have demonstrated their ability to affect the material world in any number of ways. FANSHAW [suspicious] Oh. Do tell? CARTLAND There's a simple answer for this. She bit her own damn self. She pulls one more shenanigan, and I'm taking a strap to the damn girl. EMMA Never! Our father wouldn't-- CARTLAND He shoulda! If your sister weren't spoiled, we wouldn't have to have this idjit in. SULLIVAN Sir! I am well respected in-- CARTLAND [furious, overbearing] You are here to prove this ain't nothing but women's hysteria and a mulish girl's temper. EMMA But if it is something else? FANSHAW What do you think it may be, I wonder? CARTLAND Either she's doing this to herself, or she's plumb loco. Which way do you prefer? She's your flesh and blood. SOUND BEHIND DOOR - CRASH MELODY [screams] [BREAK] MUSIC RED What the hell are you doing here? LEM Do I... know you? RED Mebbe not, but I know you. You're the Deadeye Kid. LEM [resigned] Who'd I kill, that yer so riled about? RED What in tarnation is wrong with you? LEM Aside from being slammed up agin a barn, with iron in my face, nuttin comes to mind. RED I'us there in Carson City. Five years ago. Watched you take down Iron John Sandoval. LEM [after a pause] And? RED Saw how fast y'are. Hmph. Used to be. LEM Mmm? RED [offended] You din't even see me comin. LEM My mind was took up with sumpin else. SOUND HAMMER EASES BACK RED You should vamoose. This ain't no place for them as has lost their edge. LEM You might wanna back off a piece. RED Whyzzat? Can't look me in the face and admit you're getting old? LEM My gun hand's starting to cramp up sumpin fierce, and I cain't ease down til you pull your cohones off'n the barrel. RED You - what? [looking down, gasps] LEM Right shame to shave your stumps - seein as we're all compadres now. SOUND BACKS OFF SOUND HAMMER DOWN, GUN INTO HOLSTER, SLAP ON THE BACK LEM You look like a man that might could use a drink. MUSIC SOUND HORSES, BARN SOUND FANSHAW ENTERS FANSHAW I say, Lem? Are you alone? LEM Lessen you wanna chat with the hosses. FANSHAW What do you really think of this fellow? LEM From yer tone, I'm guessin you mean the reverend - doctor. FANSHAW Ye-ess. LEM I figger he's harmless. Cain't actually know a lick about all's he's talkin about. FANSHAW Right. [beat] Do you ever wonder? LEM I wonder alla time. Any particular wonderin yer wonderin about? FANSHAW About this. About spirits. About good and evil. LEM Never reckoned on em hitched like'at. FANSHAW You don't think of ghosts as being somehow inherent wicked? LEM You havin a crisis of faith? I reckon jest like with anyone, only you can know if you're evil. FANSHAW I - well, I don't mean myself, I suppose. LEM [teasing] So you think you're better than e'rbody else. FANSHAW No. I don't know. LEM What brought all this on? FANSHAW From what I observed in the house, there may be an argument here for an evil spirit of some sort. LEM And? FANSHAW And? And what? LEM Spirits're just as evil or saintly as the folks they used to be. Don't make no nevermind to no one but me. FANSHAW I mean an evil spirit with ... powers. LEM [sure] Ain't no such thing. FANSHAW Are you so very certain? MUSIC SOUND OUTSIDE, WALKING LEM I ain't never seen no spirit could touch nothin in the real world. FANSHAW Neither have I, but what if there is? LEM We do whatever we gots to. SOUND FEET APPROACH RED [coming in] Kid! LEM [sigh] Just Lem, if'n you please. RED Oh, drat. Right. You done with them horses? LEM Tucked up tight. You ast about the job? FANSHAW Job? RED Mr. Cartland's right happy to have another hand, even if you don't plan on staying fer long. With all that's been a-going on-- LEM What all is it that's been a-goin on? FANSHAW Evil spirits. LEM Is it what's been drivin off all your help? RED Come on, let's getcha some grub. Hank'll be pleased to have someone new to jaw to. MUSIC SOUND KITCHEN, EATING SOUND DOOR OPENS HANK Red. RED Hank. This is Lem. Come in with the doctor fella. LEM Hank. HANK You work for the reverend? RED He's-- LEM I work fer jest about anyone as needs me. Doctor needed a guide. RED Lem's gonna help out round here fer a while. LEM Long as the doc's on hand, might as well make myself useful. HANK Did you tell him what's going on? What cleared us out? RED Here, have a plate of stew, Lem. I'm sure Hank can tell it better'n me. HANK [uncertain] Oh, I--- RED He actually saw it. LEM Saw what? HANK That girl. She's possessed! LEM Possessed of what? HANK No! Possessed! Taken over by an evil spirit! LEM [considering] I don't figger I put much stock in such things. Ain't no other explanation? HANK What else could explain how I - I saw a strange light in her window late at night-- LEM What were you doin' out? HANK [thrown off] What? I was - uh - having a smoke. LEM She a good-lookin' girl? Apart from whatever travail she's in? HANK That ain't the point. I was off a ways and saw a light. It din't look natural. So I went closer to see. LEM How high's this window? HANK I don't know! Chest-high, I s'pose. But I sawr everything! [yarning] Right from the first, I was froze to the spot. Couldn't look away. In this strange blueish colored light, there was something flyin back and forth across the room-- LEM A bird? HANK No! A cushion or a hat or something - something that had no damn business flyin! LEM [mild amazement] Oh! HANK And then I saw the girl herself crawling about the floor like an animal. LEM Mebbe she dropped sumpin. HANK But it weren't natural! You can explain away one thing after another, but that light won't never look right. LEM I meant no disrespect, just know how late at night moonlight can be a bit mazy. Can make things look wrong way round and bigger than life. HANK Well, this weren't out in the moonlight - it was in her room. LEM Right. HANK You ain't a-scared? LEM I'm a bit behind when it comes to afearin things. Got to see sumpin for myself before I can work up to gooseflesh. Yerself? HANK I'm pert near hightailing it out of here, I tell you what. One more night like that and you'll be seeing the back of me. RED Ain't likely, Hank old hoss. You relish the tellin of your tall tales too much to miss a chance fer another one. MUSIC CARTLAND It's pure mulishness, is what it is. The girl wanted to marry, and I said no. SULLIVAN You're surely not her father, though? CARTLAND Father's passed on. I ain't blood, but I married her sister and that makes me the lawful man of the house and head of this family. She gots to understand that. EMMA I still think-- CARTLAND Regardless of whether she's old enough to marry, I wan't about to let her run off to the damn Wishwells and take half the ranch with her. EMMA Our father left us even shares. FANSHAW Hmm. And that man married yours. SULLIVAN Ah. I should talk to the girl, now. MUSIC HANK Well. SOUND SLAPS THIGHS, GETS UP HANK That hay won't pitch itself. Care to lend a hand, feller? LEM Lem. I-- RED I need him yet fer a mite. I'll send him along when we're through. LEM That's a mighty fine looking belt buckle you got there, Hank. Turquoise? HANK Yup. LEM And silver. [musing] Mighty fine. SOUND WALKS OUT DOOR LEM Why d'you stay, Red? RED Been with Mr. Cartland for nigh on 10 years. Since before he married the missus. Fact is, that was when we came through Carson City. LEM You friends? RED Nah, he ain't one fer making friends of the hands. But he's fair. Hard, but fair. LEM Now tell me. [a bit humorous] Apart from having the nerve of a grizzly, why ain't you scairt? RED I plumb don't feel it. Whatever's a-going on with the girl, it don't hit me here. You ken? LEM I reckon. RED It's like ... play actors. They can make you like the story, but they cain't never make it real. LEM Gotta good solid head on them shoulders, Red. I purpose to find out what all's transpirin here, and if'n yer strapped fer it, I'd shore thank'ee kindly for any help. RED [admiring] You ain't lost none of yer sand, have ya? LEM I reckon the wind's just blowin it in the right direction these days. MUSIC SOUND DOOR CREAKS OPEN SULLIVAN Young lady? MELODY [very tired and small sounding] Who's there? CARTLAND It's the feller gonna tell you what a liar you been. EMMA Husband! CARTLAND Go on then. Tell her. EMMA I'll open them shutters. MELODY No! EMMA Just a crack! It's fair dark in here! SOUND FEET, SHUTTERS SULLIVAN Sir! I must insist on being able to interview the girl in relative peace! CARTLAND I ain't a-stopping you. SULLIVAN You must be quiet and leave the girl to answer for herself. EMMA Please! CARTLAND [somewhat subdued] Go on. SULLIVAN Miss Heath, your lady sister has told me some of your symptoms, but I would like to hear them from you. What is your chief complaint? MELODY They never let me sleep! FANSHAW [far corner] Poor girl does look tired. CARTLAND Nor us out here! I ain't had a good night through in weeks. SULLIVAN [sharp] Shh! [calm] They? Who are "they"? MELODY You won't believe me any more than anyone else does. CARTLAND Hmph. SULLIVAN I believe a great many things. Pray, humor me. MELODY They come at night, and pinch me. Pinch my arms and legs - all over! And one bit me - See here! CARTLAND You bit your own damn self! MELODY [whimpers] SULLIVAN Sir! Would you be kind enough to leave? As long as you insist on berating the poor girl, she will never be calm enough to tell me all her troubles. CARTLAND Fine. Come on, woman. SOUND DOOR ROUGHLY OPENS EMMA Shouldn't I stay? For decency's sake? CARTLAND Man's a holy father, even if he is a soft-headed idjet. Whatcha think he might do? EMMA I suppose. MELODY I'll call if I need help! EMMA You do that. SOUND DOOR SHUTS MUSIC SOUND MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH RED From his yarn, Hank was right about'chere when he saw the lights. LEM Hard to reckon what this'ud look like in full dark. What'us the moon like? RED Middling, round about. LEM Hmm. And that'ud be the window? RED Yup. Though way Hank tells it, it was full open when he was looking. LEM [surprised] Oh! RED What? LEM Let's fade back a bit. Don't want anyone to spy us. RED Why? Mm? [sees] Oh! MUSIC [BREAK] AMB OUTDOORS FANSHAW There you are! I've just witnessed the most appalling-- RED Did we really see what I think we jest saw? LEM I'm afeared so. RED That varmint! Taking advantage of a nice-- LEM She din't look "put out" to me. Any fired-up on her part weren't the angry kind, if you catch me. FANSHAW [sarcastic] Oh. So you saw it too. How useful am I? LEM Mighty useful. [slightly different] To know that sumpin's up with them. Looked like they knowed each other afore this. RED I guess you could safely say that. FANSHAW I tactfully took my leave. SOUND HOOFBEATS APPROACH RED Who in tarnation? Damn! LEM What? RED [heavy import] That's Clyde Wishwell and his boys! MUSIC SOUND TAP ON DOOR EMMA Doctor? Is everything all right in there? SULLIVAN [within] Yes! Quite. SOUND FOOTSTEPS APPROACH THEIR SIDE OF DOOR SULLIVAN [within] I have all I need for the moment. SOUND DOOR OPENS SULLIVAN [cautious] Is your husband ...nearby? EMMA He had to step out. SULLIVAN [relieved] Ah. EMMA I have the guest room ready for you. Your drover can bunk with the men. SULLIVAN My--? Oh, yes. That fellow. My guide. SOUND STEPS OUT, CLOSES DOOR EMMA Is she... Is she going to be all right, sir? SULLIVAN I think this will take some time, but yes. I believe she can be saved. EMMA Saved? You talk like she's ailing! SULLIVAN [serious] She is. It is an ailment of the soul. MUSIC SOUND GENERAL DISMOUNTING, ETC. CARTLAND [barely concealed hostility] Wishwell. WISHWELL Mr. Cartland. I hope you don't mind the intrusion? CARTLAND What do you want? WISHWELL We found a fellow lost on our property, claims he'us supposed to be coming here. We decided to give him an escort. BAKER [a bit too much swagger] Yes, yes. Many thanks. You may go ahead and leave. WISHWELLS MEN [annoyed muttering] CARTLAND Who the devil are you? BAKER You sent for me. WISHWELL He was mighty tight about his business with you, Mr. Cartland. I'm right curious. BAKER That is between Mr. Cartland and myself. Are you waiting around for a reason? I could-- SOUND COINS RATTLE WISHWELL [civility slipping] No need, sir! I reckon a man does you a good turn, seeing you to your destination, rather than shooting your backside fulla buckshot as a trespasser, he deserves a bit of an explanation! CARTLAND Yeah. Explain. BAKER [exasperated] Very well. I am the ghost expert you sent away for. MUSIC AMB OUT BACK LEM Why'm I all of a sudden smellin a rat? FANSHAW You mean Sullivan's obvious "familiarity" with young miss Heath? LEM Biggest rat I seen recently. RED You think they got somethin "on" between them? LEM I'm wondrin has anyone actually clapped eyes on the fellow she got her heart pinned to. RED How'd you hear about that? FANSHAW Damn! LEM [calm] I just hear things. RED Oh. But it was one of the Wishwells she was a-hankerin after. FANSHAW And the Wishwells just rode in. Perhaps we should go and take a look at the other side of this little chess match. LEM Lets go get us a look at the Wishwells. RED Right. FANSHAW I'll stay in the house - keep an eye on the courting. MUSIC CARTLAND YOU'RE the expert? Then who the devil we got inside? [yelling over his shoulder] Emma! BAKER [smug] Well, I can't help you there, I'm no clairvoyant - merely a seeker after truth in the field of spiritualism. WISHWELL [a bit worried] Really? Hmm. SOUND DOOR OPENS, EMMA COMES ONTO PORCH EMMA What is it? Oh! Comp'ny! CARTLAND They ain't compny, they's Wishwells. Get that city slicker out here. We got a bit of a branding problem here. BAKER Are you implying there's someone here claiming to be me? CARTLAND Someone here's claiming something, but I don't know which of you it might be. SOUND SWITCH OF PERSPECTIVE, FEET APPROACHING - RED AND LEM BAKER [off a bit] I have credentials and letters of recommendation. RED That's Ezekial Wishwell, in the tan hat. He's a big rancher over t'other side of the valley. LEM And if one of his marries that Miss, inside- RED Reckon he'll get his hands on her half of the ranch here. LEM Hmm. SOUND FADING BACK TO CARTLAND's POV WISHWELL You sent off for a ghost hunter, and you cain't even remember his name? CARTLAND I contacted him through some damn psychical society in the newspaper out of Carson city. BAKER Yes. Precisely. The "friends in passing". CARTLAND And it's bad enough I gotta do such a damn fool thing just so's I can put my wife's mind at rest about her damn fool sister-- SOUND DOOR OPENS, FEET ON PORCH EMMA Here he is. SULLIVAN You needed me for something? [FADING BACK TO LEM] WISHWELL Whatcha gonna do with two of them? SULLIVAN Two of who? BAKER Is that the imposter? EMMA What? RED It's the doggonest thing I ever heered of! LEM It's a wonder, sure enough. FANSHAW They've vacated the - ahem - bedroom. RED You think there's gonna be a fight? Dunno that them two guys would make much of a scrap - that first one's too prissy and citified, and the other's kind of a runt. But it might be something to see. LEM I need a chance to palaver. FANSHAW This might explain the idiotic views of Sullivan - I mean, if he is the imposter. LEM [muttered] People can be thick as two thumbs and still ain't liars. Happens all th'time. SOUND FADING BACK TO CARTLAND RED Whazzat? LEM Trying to logic out which might be the one sposed to be here. FANSHAW Oh, there's the girl! SOUND BARE FEET ON WOODEN PORCH [argument that runs under above] SULLIVAN I am an ordained minister, sir, of the church of the holy seekers after truth! BAKER That hack cabal? They wouldn't know a phantom from an apparition. I have trained with the most respectable societies in the British Isles! SULLIVAN Hidebound stick-in-the-muds! BAKER Newfangled snot-nosed infants, tampering with forces outside your ken! SULLIVAN Infants! I'll have you know-- SOUND MELODY'S BARE FEET RUN OUT ONTO THE DIRT MELODY Stop! Please! [scream of terror, some thrashing about] CARTLAND What the devil? SULLIVAN Quickly, bring some warm tea, and a cold compress, if you have one. EMMA Yes! SOUND SHE DASHES INTO THE HOUSE BAKER Stay back! The girl is under attack. WISHWELL Looks like some kind of fit. CARTLAND Fit o' temper. Get up, girl! SOUND FEET ENTER LEM Mr. Cartland, might could I drop a word in your ear? CARTLAND Who the hell are you? Oh, right, you come in with the preacher - maybe preacher. LEM Something you need to know. FANSHAW Are you planning to tell him about the assignation? He'll do something terrible to that poor girl - you've seen how beastly he is to her. LEM I know you're looking after the best interests of your family here. FANSHAW He threatened to beat her! CARTLAND I do what I gotta. FANSHAW Even if she is feigning all of this, surely she doesn't deserve-- LEM And I can tell you're purt near your wits end. CARTLAND zat so? LEM I think you done took more than most men can take, so I don't fault you none for flyin off the handle. I might could have an answer for all this. CARTLAND [interested] Really? LEM Yup. It was somethin that Sullivan fellow said regarding the bible. CARTLAND [disbelieving] Really? LEM Once they get this little dustup sorted, mebbe could I try something? CARTLAND What you planning? LEM I promise you, I don't reckon no one'll get hurt - leastways not bad - but beyond that, can't tell you much or it'll fall flat. CARTLAND Is this some of this spiritual hoodoo manure? LEM Well, let's say I'm gonna connive them into believin it is. CARTLAND Hmm... [chuckle] Go on, then. MUSIC EMMA She's settled again, but she keeps tossing and a-turning. CARTLAND [calmer] If I'm right, and she's just doing this all out of pique, what do you think should be done? You really think us going on and giving in is gonna make everything all right? EMMA Me? I-- but it's too drastic to be-- CARTLAND I ain't asking if you think she's making it all up, just what you reckon we should oughtta do if she is. EMMA Oh. [pacing] Well. It's a terrible thing she's doing - if she's doing it. But it can't be easy on her, either. All them hurts she's took. CARTLAND Lotta effort to make you feel sorry for her. EMMA If she's faking, then wouldn't the reverend know it? CARTLAND Stick to the question at hand. EMMA You're much less riled than you been in days - do you know something? CARTLAND With two doctor types on hand, how can I not see a light at the end of this here tunnel? EMMA Oh. CARTLAND [almost gentle] I'm waiting. EMMA I agree - we can't, in good conscience, let her get her way through these kinds of shenanigans - always assuming she's-- CARTLAND Yes, yes. We're assuming. EMMA But what can we do for punishment? Lock her away? I couldn't bear that. CARTLAND What'choo think about schooling? EMMA What? CARTLAND Send her off to school - back east or somewheres where rich folks send their girls, and take the cost of the schooling out of her half the ranch. We'll call it bail. EMMA It would keep her away from the Wishwells. And it would get her away from-- CARTLAND Us? EMMA [sigh] Yes. MUSIC LEM I may not have the booklearnin y'all have, but I did have me a granny who did midwifing and could see and talk to all manner of spirits. SULLIVAN Really? How ...rustic BAKER You should never pooh-pooh the lay folk. Many have toiled in the fields of the supernatural without even realizing they did. Back home in-- SULLIVAN Of course, it is only a pity that so often they were seen as enemies of the church and persecuted, rather than embraced and put to good works. FANSHAW Good gad, they're even worse in harmony. LEM Well, Granny once told me of a sure cure for a plague of spirits. BAKER Oh yes? FANSHAW Watch out, he'll write a monograph on your granny. Did you really have one? LEM O'course. It ain't easy, and it ain't exactly safe. But when the only other path is being ridden round with spirits all your life, it's sometimes a risk you gots to take. SULLIVAN Dangerous? LEM O'course. You got to make the spirits flee outta the afflicted one, and t'only way to do it is to convince them you're about to kill that person. SULLIVAN [horrified] KILL? BAKER That makes a strange sort of sense. LEM Best ways are violent. You cain't sneak up behind 'em, since half the convincin has to be that the one what's afflicted gots to believe it. FANSHAW Mention the flagellants in the bible. They used whips to cleanse themselves of-- SULLIVAN But we can't - that-that poor girl! BAKER I am not certain I could do it myself, but I would be most interested in observing. LEM Oh, I can do it. You two should oughta make sure no one else gets in the way, though. SULLIVAN But you wouldn't really hurt her? LEM I s'pose it depends. Sometimes, the spirits are figurin you wouldn't really hurt no one, and they hang on for the first hurt or two. Like them fellas that whip themselves bloody right there in the bible. SULLIVAN [horrified] Oh no! I can't let you do that to any poor defenseless woman. LEM Don't think it's your choice to make, old hoss. BAKER As long as she is afflicted, it will have to be dealt with. SULLIVAN Let me try something else, first! I might have a way to-- LEM That's right fine. We'll come along and observe your way. SULLIVAN No! It's -- it has to be performed in total secrecy. LEM Cain't hide from the spirits, though. FANSHAW I take the hint. BAKER You should be grateful for the help. SULLIVAN Leave me alone for a minute! I have to - to pray! SOUND WALKS OFF FAST LEM [almost a chuckle] BAKER What got into him? FANSHAW I think he truly cares for the girl. LEM A mighty old spirit indeed. MUSIC [BREAK] EMMA They're gonna hurt her? CARTLAND They don't think it will come to much. Just enough to scare the spirits out of her. EMMA Melody's my sister - I cain't just let them beat her! CARTLAND [trying to be comforting] Don't sound like there's any other way they're gonna manage this. [beat] This feller sounds like he knows what he's doing. EMMA [incredulous] Sounds like he--? How can you say that? CARTLAND [curt] I will stop him before he does anything too... drastic. EMMA You got no fine feelings about seeing her hurt. You would have-- CARTLAND [getting annoyed] I'da punished her, yeah. Now get out my way. I'm done talkin! MUSIC RED Lem, over here a minute. LEM [queit] Yeah? [up] Mister Baker, why don't you see if the lady of the house might be able to find you a spot to sleep tonight? BAKER And that charlatan? LEM Doctor Sullivan? You let me handle him. Oh, and - sunset. That's the time to deal with ghosts. BAKER Sunset? LEM So says my gran. BAKER Right. I am quite interested to see how this goes. SOUND BAKER WALKS OFF LEM Sorry about that. RED What are you up to? LEM Takin a tip from the bible. You with me? RED Spect so. WISHWELL Could I have a word with you, sir? LEM [sigh] Spect so. MUSIC SOUND TAPPING ON WOOD [Sullivan sounds very different, western, rather than citified, and is speaking quietly, to avoid being overheard] SULLIVAN Melody? Melody? FANSHAW Hmph. Praying indeed. I would say he's rather old for her, but that moustache doesn't do much to hide a cheek that's barely seen a razor. SULLIVAN Please, Mel, honey! SOUND TEENSY CREAK OPEN MELODY Wallace? You shouldn't be out there! FANSHAW Wallace? SULLIVAN I had to come! Everything's falling apart. MELODY What do you mean? SULLIVAN They've got some cockamamie scheme, and sounds like they're planning to hurt you. Maybe bad. MELODY Emma'd never let them do that! SULLIVAN There's enough people here got no patience left, I doubt but that she couldn't stop them. Can't you turn this? MELODY It's got away from me! What can I do? SULLIVAN Maybe just say you're cured? MELODY And then what? That leaves me here with folks that hate me and no chance o'nothin'? No chance of... us? I'll die first! SULLIVAN I'll try and come up with something. But if it comes down to it, stop them before they hurt you. Please promise you will! MELODY [grim] I'll do what I gotta do. MUSIC WISHWELL What you fixing to do, sir? LEM Come sunset, I'll take drastic measures to free that girl from her torment. WISHWELL You sound like you might have to kill her. LEM I'm sure the reverend - uh - doctor sullivan can speak you best on torment and the afterlife. He's got a nose fer it. WISHWELL But what exactly are you planning to do? FANSHAW Don't turn round. Sullivan is lurking. LEM [sigh] I hate to see anyone in pain. But sometimes, ain't no choice. If'n there's a spirit a-punishin that child, it ain't gon be easy to spook it out. I may have to shoot her. SOUND [men - including RED, WISHWELL, react] LEM [matter of fact] Don't worry none, though. I once shot a man eight times - a'purpose - and he din't die. [shrug] Can't use one hand no more, but apart from that he all healed up jest fine. WISHWELL [horrified] And Cartland's gonna let you go on and do this? LEM I get the feeling that if his wife would allow, he'd do it hisself - he's that plumb wore out with the girl. WISHWELL And what if we all decide to stop you? LEM I don't see as how it's any of your business. SOUND GUNS OUT WISHWELL [sterner] And what if we all decide to stop you? SOUND SHOTGUN COCKS CARTLAND [off] I think mebbe it's time fer you to get along home, then, Wishwell. SOUND GUNS UP WISHWELL [forces laugh] We were just looking out for your best interests, Cartland. Have you heard? This here fellow is fixing to shoot your sister. CARTLAND Well, something's gotta be done with the girl. FANSHAW Is he serious, or did you have a chance to warn him? LEM Glad to see you took my counsel serious, Mr. Cartland. FANSHAW Ah. CARTLAND And now Wishwell, you and your boys can take my counsel - Git! WISHWELL I'll be telling the sheriff about these goings on. CARTLAND You do that. Sunset's about an hour away - you won't get there and back by then. And I figure this way. If my wife's sister can be bit by ghosts, maybe she can get shot by them too. Ain't no one here gonna say otherwise, once all's said and done. MUSIC SOUND TAPPING ON SHUTTER MELODY Wallace? FANSHAW [explaining] That's Sullivan. SOUND TAPPING LEM [indistinguishable grunt] MELODY Wallace? SOUND SHUTTER CREAKS OPEN MELODY Are you-- [gasp of fear!] LEM You want to talk to me, girl. And you want to stay quiet. MELODY My sister is jest in the next room. LEM I know. And I ain't askin fer nothin improper. Cartland's got Sullivan sewed up in argument fer the moment, so I got one chance for you. MELODY Chance? Fer what? LEM Wallace. You in love with the boy, or jest lookin fer a way out from under your folks? MELODY We're in love. LEM You want him more than you want your share of the ranch? MELODY [teensy hesitation] Yes. LEM And would he and his take you without you had that parcel to offer? MELODY He would. LEM And his pa out there? Mr. Wishwell? MELODY [gasp] You know? LEM I know a lotta things. F'r'instance, tonight's gonna be an interestin night. MUSIC FANSHAW So if they're genuinely in love -- LEM I think they are. He's plumb torn up about the chance as she might get hurt. Mebbe she's not so worried, but she seems true. FANSHAW Then this is just like Shakespeare - Romeo and juliet. Families opposed to one another, romance between the younger generation. LEM 'Zat give us any aid with sorting out this rats nest? FANSHAW Well, they both died. So I guess not. LEM Hmm. Plays. FANSHAW What are you thinking? LEM Well... I was playing at solomon. Threatnin the girl to bring out-- FANSHAW [realizing] The real-- Yes! I've got it. Jolly clever. LEM I'm thinkin mebbe I got the wrong baby. FANSHAW The wrong what? MUSIC In house CARTLAND Can't be long now. EMMA You won't let him really hurt her, will you? CARTLAND [gentle] Emma. He promised he wouldn't. We have to convince her he would, though. She gots to believe it. EMMA Why? CARTLAND If she's faking, she has to cry off. If she ain't... well... he says the spirits gotta be convinced she's gonna die, so they'll haveta leave. EMMA Oh. I see. Thank you. CARTLAND [uncomfortable] Right. Just find us one of them schools, woudja? MUSIC OUTSIDE LEM [talking to a crowd] Much as it pains me to have to do this, um, I reckon there ain't no way to solve this problem til we drive out the spirits here. BAKER Where is the girl? LEM She's a coming. SOUND DOOR OPENS LEM Speak of the devil. SOUND SEVERAL PEOPLE WALKING OUT ON WOOD MELODY Please! What are you going to do? SULLIVAN I protest! I don't think this is safe! LEM [muttered] We got any other company? FANSHAW The wishwells never went very far. Just out of sight, then circled back. They're behind the barn. LEM Good. FANSHAW Red appears to be in his allotted position. Hank is nowhere to be seen. LEM Hmph. [up] Get on over here miss. MELODY I'm scared! CARTLAND It gots to be done. EMMA Be strong, Melody. FANSHAW No arguments? Hmm. I sense a reconciliation in the family. LEM Harmony ain't no bad thing. FANSHAW Rather goes with melody, actually. MELODY What is it you plan to do? LEM Gon' drive the evil sprits out. Need you to stand right here, miss. Don't move a muscle. You got me? MELODY Emma! I don't want to do this! EMMA Melody, there ain't no choice. Not no more. SULLIVAN I agree with the young lady - I feel this is too dangerous. MELODY Dangerous? Wh-what's a-going to happen? CARTLAND [commanding but not being mean] Stand still, and let the man do his work. LEM All y'all back on the porch now, if'n you please. SOUND FEET LEM Now miss, if you'll hold yerself real still. MELODY I'll do my best. SOUND GUNSHOT, HITS WOOD MELODY [screams!] [break?] EMMA Be careful! MELODY What did you do that for? LEM I'm shooting the ghosts. That's why you gotta hold real still. SOUND GUNSHOT MELODY [gasp] You nearly hit me! FANSHAW The wishwells are getting closer. LEM Good. SOUND THREE GUNSHOTS MELODy [scream of pain!] EMMA What's that? You said you wouldn't hurt her! Is that blood? LEM That's jest splinters. Stay back. SOUND TWO GUNSHOTS MELODY [scream] SULLIVAN Nooooooooo! SOUND RUNNING FEET, SLOW MO SOUND GUNSHOT SULLIVAN [argh! Death rattle] MELODy [scream, death rattle] FANSHAW [dry] Two with one shot. Oh my. EMMA [screaming] SOUND RUNNING FEET LEM Mr. Cartland, hold your wife. Mr. Baker? BAKER [flustered] um, um - yes. LEM You got any doctoring? BAKER Yes, yes, of course. I'll check on them. WISHWELL [coming roaring in] Nooo! CARTLAND What the devil you doing here, Wishwell? LEM Stay back, there. Let the doctor do his business. WISHWELL Wallace! Damn you, you sidewinder! You are a dead man! SOUND GUNS DRAW WISHWELL You ain't steppin in this time, Cartland! CARTLAND If I just saw what just happened, you kin have him. LEM [Unconcerned] Afore you start throwin lead, mebbe you two should take some of the blame on yerselves. CARTLAND What? WISHWELL You can go to blazes! LEM If you two weren't such prickly porcupines on the subject of them kids getting married, none of this woulda ever happened. CARTLAND That's who she wanted to marry? And he's a wishwell? WISHWELL He's my youngest, you son of a buzzard. Sent him off back east to school, make a better man of him. And now all that's ashes. CARTLAND He ain't a reverend, then? FANSHAW Goodness, they're a bit slow. LEM Hush, now! Now you two can be joined in your misery, like you might have been joined by them kids. Only damn fool you gotta hate now is me. CARTLAND He ain't said they're dead. Doctor? BAKER [calling] I'm doing what I can. WISHWELL My son? Is he still with us? LEM Hold it. SOUND GUN COCKS WISHWELL You stay out my way. SOUND SHOTGUN RACKED RED I think you better drop that gun Mr. Wishwell. CARTLAND I'll go and-- RED No, sir. You wait too. With all due respect. LEM If them kids survive this, you let em marry? CARTLAND They're too young. She is, anyway. [don't forget the bit about sullivan not being as old as the moustasche and beard make him look] WISHWELL You just don't wanna lose half the ranch. CARTLAND I got plans for that half the ranch. I got it planned right up til she comes of age. LEM Mebbe if they can marry, she can leave you in charge til she comes of age. Let you carry through your plans. EMMA None of this matters! Let me go to my sister! RED Lem? LEM Give em sumpin to live for, you two. Make this up. Tell them they ain't gotta be dead to be together. WISHWELL You think that would help? LEM I been near dead once or twice, and havin hope is a mighty fine thing. EMMA Bart? Please let her, Bart! If you don't care to give Melody some hope, give me some! CARTLAND If Wishwell agrees that I keep control for five more years. WISHWELL We're gonna have to set this down in writin. EMMA There ain't no time fer writing now! [sharp] You say it! Both of you! CARTLAND Fine. Melody! If'n you can hear me, you listen. I'm telling you, you can marry that... boy. We got it all worked out at this end. WISHWELL Wallace? Fight Wallace! You idjit, jumping in front of a bullet fer a girl! But you can have her if you want her. Izzat good? CARTLAND You all gonna put down yer guns now? LEM That sounds fine. What you'all think? MELODY [perfectly fine] I think it sounds good. But I gotta have a real fine dress. Understand? EMMA [astonished] Melody? MELODY I'm all right. SULLIVAN We're both just fine. WISHWELL Well... Damn! CARTLAND All right, somebody better start explaining. RED Lem? Lem? MUSIC SOUND RIDING SLOWLY LEM Much as I hate walkin the horses by moonlight-- FANSHAW I do think it's best to get while the getting is good. Do you think they will keep their promises? LEM Got witnesses enough between Baker and Red. FANSHAW Whatever happened to Hank? LEM That was probly me - I think I suspected his belt buckle too loudly and he took fright. FANSHAW Paid to tell a tale? LEM Ayup. FANSHAW Solomon to Prince Escalus in one step. I'm impressed. LEM What are you jabberin on about? FANSHAW That back there was Romeo and Juliet, was it not? LEM Mebbe just a little. [beat] You ever done any of them plays? FANSHAW Oh, yes. School. LEM You gotta be the one in the dress? Like you were sayin? You got a voice that might could pass. FANSHAW Oh... [dropping voice as low as possible] No. Actually, I often was the lead. I even played romeo. I was rather good at learning lines. Of course, someone always had to put on the dress. Boys and girls do not attend school together - not our sort of boys and girls, anyway. LEM Seems like puttin a hat on a pig. FANSHAW No. It's just "theater." END

death father school man young stand care sound doctors boys evil pray speak tales poor horses saved families husband praying dangerous kitchen feet nevada shakespeare manifestation paid gotta spirits plays goodness mighty wyoming haunting lock bart sunsets editing nah ye bit infants comp harness watched mm wreck sir traditionally chest reverend renting looked hush granny purgatory hysteria announcers jolly encyclopedia pinch possessed gon mmm git whatcha fer british isles dammit annoyed utter wh amb lessen king lear lem tucked fervent gunshots reckon turquoise shh reissue tryin dunno carson city spect balderdash music sounds middling afore deadeye hammer down unconcerned looky newfangled music break dismount kevin macleod incompetech garish cartland julius caeser hmph julie hoverson nocturne boulevard fanshaw

Edict Zero – FIS – EP603 – “Ante Bellum”

Edict Zero - FIS

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 19, 2022

EDICT ZERO – FIS – Season 6 Episode 3 – “Ante Bellum” #CREDITS# VOICES: James Keller, Julie Hoverson, Phil Rossi, Russell Gold, Tanja Milojevic, Fiona Thraille, Robert Cudmore, Chris Barnes, Bill Walsh, David Collins-Rivera, Pandora Kew, C. Edward Reed, and Jack Kincaid. EXPANDED VOICE CREDITS Ambassadors _________________________ Jack Kincaid Special Agent Nick Garrett __________ James […]

science drama series fiction ante fis bill walsh edict chris barnes bellum tanja milojevic russell gold julie hoverson phil rossi fiona thraille robert cudmore edict zero jack kincaid edict zero fis

19 Nocturne Boulevard - HAUNTING MELODY (parts 1-3 of 5) (Deadeye Kid #4) Reissue of the week

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 14, 2022 36:11

In their first serialized adventure {in 5 parts}, Lem and Fanshaw accompany a "studier of the supernatural" to face something they may never have seen before - a ghost ... or at least a ghost that can affect the "real world". Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid - J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw - J. Hoverson Dr. Sullivan - Michael Coleman {Tales of the Extraordinary} Mr. Cartland - Reynaud LeBoeuf Emma Cartland - Jacquie Duckworth Melody Heath - Melissa Bartell Red - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Hank - Mark Olson Clyde Wishwell - Bob Noble Mr. Baker - Paul Green {Encyclopedia of Weird Westerns} Add'l voices by Gene Thorkildsen Cover Design: Brett Coulstock [Old photos used to make Fanshaw purchased from www.recycledrelatives.com] Announcer: Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme: "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson ------- No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves. The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify. Some say he rides alone. That's the Deadeye Kid. **************************************************************** Haunting Melody Cast: [opening credits/Olivia] LEMuel Roberts - Spyder Clarence FANSHAW - julie Dr. SULLIVAN - Michael coleman Mr. CARTLAND - Mrs. EMMA Cartland - Jacquie Duckworth MELODY Heath - RED - HANK - CLYDE Wishwell - Bob Noble Mr. Baker, the real expert - Paul Greene OPENER OLD HOSS No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves. The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify. Some say he rides alone. That's the Deadeye Kid. CLOSER OLD HOSS The lonely cowboy cliché, always riding out, heading... yonder. Join us again in two weeks when he rides back over that far horizon. MUSIC SOUND BUCKBOARD, HORSES FANSHAW [straining] I think I can just make out a structure of some sort. LEM Not much further now. SULLIVAN Excellent. I am in your debt for all your help in getting me out here. LEM Woulda been a mite easier if'n you were were saddled, stead of carted. Some of these ruts-- SULLIVAN I've never been much of a horseman. And this is a fairish wagon. FANSHAW Garish, rather. LEM Well, I reckon it was cheap. SULLIVAN Oh, yes. They rented it to me at a very reasonable rate. FANSHAW Ah, rented. That explains why he has not repainted over the "Piewacket Players" placard on the side. SULLIVAN I understand a couple of the actors are - um - incarcerated for some while. Renting me the wagon and horses saved them board and stowage. Everyone benefits. FANSHAW Actually, some of these murals are rather good. If the players are half as talented as their painter, it might be worth seeking out one of their performances. LEM [dubious] I reckon. FANSHAW [musing] King Lear. Julius Caeser. Romeo and Juliet. [chuckles] They seem to perform a lot of the classics. Shakespeare. LEM Mmm. FANSHAW Did you know that in Shakespeare's day - some 250 years ago - it was illegal for women to perform on the stage? LEM Hush. FANSHAW Oh, Lem, do let me impart a little culture for once. LEM [Annoyed grunt] FANSHAW Particularly while you cannot argue. As I was saying, back in the day, all the female parts were played by young men. SULLIVAN Oh, goodness! Look at that! LEM [eager] Whatsat? SULLIVAN That's an awfully steep hill up ahead. You think the wagon can manage it? LEM I reckon so, reverend. SULLIVAN "Doctor", please. I prefer it as an honorific. LEM [puzzled] But you're a "man o' god"? SULLIVAN And a man of science as well. I firmly believe that the church cannot simply deny science, but must embrace it, and hand in hand we shall move forward into the next century! LEM [dubious] A'right then. FANSHAW Fervent, isn't he? SULLIVAN Sorry. I find I must defend myself constantly - both against those who find science and religion incompatible, and against those who pooh-pooh my branch of science entirely. LEM Oh? SULLIVAN [defiant] I have made a comprehensive study of the existence of ghosts. LEM [choking back a cough] OH. FANSHAW Oh, dear. MUSIC MELODY [off] [wailing, hysterics] SOUND DOOR OPENS, WAILING UP CARTLAND Don't that girl ever shut up? EMMA Bart! She swears she's being tormented. SOUND DOOR SHUTS CARTLAND Hysteria. You women can't stop yourselves from being women, but the least you can do is keep quiet when a man wants to think. EMMA What do you want me to do? Lock her in a madhouse? She's my own flesh and blood! CARTLAND Your sister is pitching a fit 'cause she ain't getting her own way. Nothing more. EMMA But what if it is something more? CARTLAND I got that well in hand. EMMA What? How? CARTLAND Don't go questioning me, woman. Where's my grub? MUSIC SULLIVAN [pugnacious] Do you, or do you not believe in ghosts? FANSHAW [short bark of a laugh] LEM [dry] I reckon I do. SULLIVAN Many people believe that the supernatural is somehow at cross-purposes with the bible, but it isn't so. Ever since Solomon, the wisest men in the good book studied the ways of the supernatural, in order to overcome it. LEM Solomon. Izzat the king fellow? FANSHAW Famous for his wise judgment. And not cutting up the baby. SULLIVAN Traditionally, many have always believed that the dead may carry on, side by side with the living, unseen but always present. LEM Ain't this more of a church question? SULLIVAN What do you mean? LEM Well, if you believe folks just hunker down once they passed on, then what you think of heaven? SULLIVAN I don't believe every soul lingers. Have you ever heard of Purgatory? FANSHAW Oh, goodness. LEM Ain't that a town in Nevada territory? SULLIVAN In the bible, purgatory is a place where people who are not good enough to go to heaven nor evil enough to go directly to hell are judged. FANSHAW Which bible, precisely? LEM Guess I never got that far in bible learnin. SULLIVAN It is the premise for all my theories that purgatory is not a place, but merely a "state"-- LEM [playing dumb] Wyoming? [1890] FANSHAW [grim] Ask him which bible. SULLIVAN [trying not to get exasperated] --and that spirits that need to be redeemed, or to mend their ways, may in fact be "in purgatory" much like someone could be "in a foul temper" - right next to us. FANSHAW Balderdash! Utter rubbish! LEM Looky there! That should be the ranch now! MUSIC MELODY [heavy breathing, end of crying jag] SOUND TAP ON THE DOOR, DOOR OPENS EMMA Melody? Are you feeling a little better? MELODY [sullen] I been bit. EMMA Bit? By what? A rat? MELODY Come and look. EMMA I'll fetch a lantern. MELODY No! EMMA Or open the shutters? MELODY No!! They don't like the light! I kin only open them at night. EMMA [very upset] oh. What can I do to help? MELODY [disheartened] Nothing. EMMA Are you hungry? There's some good stew. MELODY I can't. I just can't. EMMA Here, show me that bite. MUSIC LEM [quiet] What's gnawing on you? FANSHAW I do not consider myself a particularly religious fellow, but if there is one thing I have found quite frustrating about the wide open west it is that so many people simply decide that they are experts on this or that subject, and other people believe them, for lack of any alternatives. LEM Mm? FANSHAW He claims to know the bible, but then he goes on about this spiritism nonsense. And purgatory! I may not be a divinity scholar but a childhood of churchgoing taught me that that is a catholic conceit, and he's got it wrong anyway. Purgatory was where souls waited out a period of penance, while their friends and family prayed for their release. LEM How'd they know if they got out? FANSHAW I believe the priests would tell them. It always smacked of extortion to me. LEM [laughs] Well. How's all this gonna make a damn lick of difference just now? FANSHAW What? LEM Whatever it is he believes - it gonna change the price of oats? FANSHAW [sigh] No. LEM Good. That's cleared up, then. Road's widenin up, and we'll be alongside the wagon agin soon. MUSIC EMMA We need to send Melody somewhere. If only you had let her marry-- CARTLAND She's 16 - too damn young, and don't know her own mind. EMMA I know, but if she was away-- CARTLAND Dammit woman. You are my wife, and I will not be argued with. EMMA Of course. [beat] Something bit her. CARTLAND Bit? Like a snake? EMMA The marks....um... they looked-- CARTLAND Oh, just spit it out. EMMA They looked like they were made by a man! MUSIC SOUND THEY ARE STOPPED. HORSES, HARNESS, DISMOUNT, ETC. SULLIVAN Thank you ever so much for helping me to find my way. I'm not much of an outdoorsman. Or horseman. FANSHAW Nor much of a cleric, apparently. LEM Right happy to help. Why is it you were comin all the way out here in the first place? [chuckles] Not to put on a play. SULLIVAN [chuckles] It is rather a curious wagon, isn't it? But I am afraid my job here is rather confidential. CARTLAND [yelling from off] Is that the Reverend? Get on in here! SULLIVAN [dithering] Oh, um I-- LEM I'll look to your horses. You get along. SULLIVAN Excellent. FANSHAW I don't like him. LEM You don' like his views. FANSHAW They're gibberish! LEM 'Zat anythin like folderol? [serious] Why'n't you go on in and see what brand o' folderol he's spinnin to the good folks inside. FANSHAW [stiff upper lip] I shall try and keep my temper. LEM [muttered] Tryin never hurt no one. SOUND A FEW MOMENTS OF UNHARNASSING, THEN SUDDEN TUSSLE, RED GRABS LEM AND SLAMS HIM INTO THE WALL OF THE BARN SOUND HORSES ANNOYED, SHYING SOUND GUN COCKS RED [snarled] The Deadeye Kid. MUSIC SOUND FANSHAW ENTERS CARTLAND --convince her it ain't nothing but temper! EMMA But the bite! SULLIVAN A bite? EMMA She looks like she was bit, bad. CARTLAND There's no way anyone could get in there and bite her. SULLIVAN It isn't unheard of. FANSHAW A bite? CARTLAND [suspicious] Really? EMMA See! SULLIVAN Manifestations have demonstrated their ability to affect the material world in any number of ways. FANSHAW [suspicious] Oh. Do tell? CARTLAND There's a simple answer for this. She bit her own damn self. She pulls one more shenanigan, and I'm taking a strap to the damn girl. EMMA Never! Our father wouldn't-- CARTLAND He shoulda! If your sister weren't spoiled, we wouldn't have to have this idjit in. SULLIVAN Sir! I am well respected in-- CARTLAND [furious, overbearing] You are here to prove this ain't nothing but women's hysteria and a mulish girl's temper. EMMA But if it is something else? FANSHAW What do you think it may be, I wonder? CARTLAND Either she's doing this to herself, or she's plumb loco. Which way do you prefer? She's your flesh and blood. SOUND BEHIND DOOR - CRASH MELODY [screams] [BREAK] MUSIC RED What the hell are you doing here? LEM Do I... know you? RED Mebbe not, but I know you. You're the Deadeye Kid. LEM [resigned] Who'd I kill, that yer so riled about? RED What in tarnation is wrong with you? LEM Aside from being slammed up agin a barn, with iron in my face, nuttin comes to mind. RED I'us there in Carson City. Five years ago. Watched you take down Iron John Sandoval. LEM [after a pause] And? RED Saw how fast y'are. Hmph. Used to be. LEM Mmm? RED [offended] You din't even see me comin. LEM My mind was took up with sumpin else. SOUND HAMMER EASES BACK RED You should vamoose. This ain't no place for them as has lost their edge. LEM You might wanna back off a piece. RED Whyzzat? Can't look me in the face and admit you're getting old? LEM My gun hand's starting to cramp up sumpin fierce, and I cain't ease down til you pull your cohones off'n the barrel. RED You - what? [looking down, gasps] LEM Right shame to shave your stumps - seein as we're all compadres now. SOUND BACKS OFF SOUND HAMMER DOWN, GUN INTO HOLSTER, SLAP ON THE BACK LEM You look like a man that might could use a drink. MUSIC SOUND HORSES, BARN SOUND FANSHAW ENTERS FANSHAW I say, Lem? Are you alone? LEM Lessen you wanna chat with the hosses. FANSHAW What do you really think of this fellow? LEM From yer tone, I'm guessin you mean the reverend - doctor. FANSHAW Ye-ess. LEM I figger he's harmless. Cain't actually know a lick about all's he's talkin about. FANSHAW Right. [beat] Do you ever wonder? LEM I wonder alla time. Any particular wonderin yer wonderin about? FANSHAW About this. About spirits. About good and evil. LEM Never reckoned on em hitched like'at. FANSHAW You don't think of ghosts as being somehow inherent wicked? LEM You havin a crisis of faith? I reckon jest like with anyone, only you can know if you're evil. FANSHAW I - well, I don't mean myself, I suppose. LEM [teasing] So you think you're better than e'rbody else. FANSHAW No. I don't know. LEM What brought all this on? FANSHAW From what I observed in the house, there may be an argument here for an evil spirit of some sort. LEM And? FANSHAW And? And what? LEM Spirits're just as evil or saintly as the folks they used to be. Don't make no nevermind to no one but me. FANSHAW I mean an evil spirit with ... powers. LEM [sure] Ain't no such thing. FANSHAW Are you so very certain? MUSIC SOUND OUTSIDE, WALKING LEM I ain't never seen no spirit could touch nothin in the real world. FANSHAW Neither have I, but what if there is? LEM We do whatever we gots to. SOUND FEET APPROACH RED [coming in] Kid! LEM [sigh] Just Lem, if'n you please. RED Oh, drat. Right. You done with them horses? LEM Tucked up tight. You ast about the job? FANSHAW Job? RED Mr. Cartland's right happy to have another hand, even if you don't plan on staying fer long. With all that's been a-going on-- LEM What all is it that's been a-goin on? FANSHAW Evil spirits. LEM Is it what's been drivin off all your help? RED Come on, let's getcha some grub. Hank'll be pleased to have someone new to jaw to. MUSIC SOUND KITCHEN, EATING SOUND DOOR OPENS HANK Red. RED Hank. This is Lem. Come in with the doctor fella. LEM Hank. HANK You work for the reverend? RED He's-- LEM I work fer jest about anyone as needs me. Doctor needed a guide. RED Lem's gonna help out round here fer a while. LEM Long as the doc's on hand, might as well make myself useful. HANK Did you tell him what's going on? What cleared us out? RED Here, have a plate of stew, Lem. I'm sure Hank can tell it better'n me. HANK [uncertain] Oh, I--- RED He actually saw it. LEM Saw what? HANK That girl. She's possessed! LEM Possessed of what? HANK No! Possessed! Taken over by an evil spirit! LEM [considering] I don't figger I put much stock in such things. Ain't no other explanation? HANK What else could explain how I - I saw a strange light in her window late at night-- LEM What were you doin' out? HANK [thrown off] What? I was - uh - having a smoke. LEM She a good-lookin' girl? Apart from whatever travail she's in? HANK That ain't the point. I was off a ways and saw a light. It din't look natural. So I went closer to see. LEM How high's this window? HANK I don't know! Chest-high, I s'pose. But I sawr everything! [yarning] Right from the first, I was froze to the spot. Couldn't look away. In this strange blueish colored light, there was something flyin back and forth across the room-- LEM A bird? HANK No! A cushion or a hat or something - something that had no damn business flyin! LEM [mild amazement] Oh! HANK And then I saw the girl herself crawling about the floor like an animal. LEM Mebbe she dropped sumpin. HANK But it weren't natural! You can explain away one thing after another, but that light won't never look right. LEM I meant no disrespect, just know how late at night moonlight can be a bit mazy. Can make things look wrong way round and bigger than life. HANK Well, this weren't out in the moonlight - it was in her room. LEM Right. HANK You ain't a-scared? LEM I'm a bit behind when it comes to afearin things. Got to see sumpin for myself before I can work up to gooseflesh. Yerself? HANK I'm pert near hightailing it out of here, I tell you what. One more night like that and you'll be seeing the back of me. RED Ain't likely, Hank old hoss. You relish the tellin of your tall tales too much to miss a chance fer another one. MUSIC CARTLAND It's pure mulishness, is what it is. The girl wanted to marry, and I said no. SULLIVAN You're surely not her father, though? CARTLAND Father's passed on. I ain't blood, but I married her sister and that makes me the lawful man of the house and head of this family. She gots to understand that. EMMA I still think-- CARTLAND Regardless of whether she's old enough to marry, I wan't about to let her run off to the damn Wishwells and take half the ranch with her. EMMA Our father left us even shares. FANSHAW Hmm. And that man married yours. SULLIVAN Ah. I should talk to the girl, now. MUSIC HANK Well. SOUND SLAPS THIGHS, GETS UP HANK That hay won't pitch itself. Care to lend a hand, feller? LEM Lem. I-- RED I need him yet fer a mite. I'll send him along when we're through. LEM That's a mighty fine looking belt buckle you got there, Hank. Turquoise? HANK Yup. LEM And silver. [musing] Mighty fine. SOUND WALKS OUT DOOR LEM Why d'you stay, Red? RED Been with Mr. Cartland for nigh on 10 years. Since before he married the missus. Fact is, that was when we came through Carson City. LEM You friends? RED Nah, he ain't one fer making friends of the hands. But he's fair. Hard, but fair. LEM Now tell me. [a bit humorous] Apart from having the nerve of a grizzly, why ain't you scairt? RED I plumb don't feel it. Whatever's a-going on with the girl, it don't hit me here. You ken? LEM I reckon. RED It's like ... play actors. They can make you like the story, but they cain't never make it real. LEM Gotta good solid head on them shoulders, Red. I purpose to find out what all's transpirin here, and if'n yer strapped fer it, I'd shore thank'ee kindly for any help. RED [admiring] You ain't lost none of yer sand, have ya? LEM I reckon the wind's just blowin it in the right direction these days. MUSIC SOUND DOOR CREAKS OPEN SULLIVAN Young lady? MELODY [very tired and small sounding] Who's there? CARTLAND It's the feller gonna tell you what a liar you been. EMMA Husband! CARTLAND Go on then. Tell her. EMMA I'll open them shutters. MELODY No! EMMA Just a crack! It's fair dark in here! SOUND FEET, SHUTTERS SULLIVAN Sir! I must insist on being able to interview the girl in relative peace! CARTLAND I ain't a-stopping you. SULLIVAN You must be quiet and leave the girl to answer for herself. EMMA Please! CARTLAND [somewhat subdued] Go on. SULLIVAN Miss Heath, your lady sister has told me some of your symptoms, but I would like to hear them from you. What is your chief complaint? MELODY They never let me sleep! FANSHAW [far corner] Poor girl does look tired. CARTLAND Nor us out here! I ain't had a good night through in weeks. SULLIVAN [sharp] Shh! [calm] They? Who are "they"? MELODY You won't believe me any more than anyone else does. CARTLAND Hmph. SULLIVAN I believe a great many things. Pray, humor me. MELODY They come at night, and pinch me. Pinch my arms and legs - all over! And one bit me - See here! CARTLAND You bit your own damn self! MELODY [whimpers] SULLIVAN Sir! Would you be kind enough to leave? As long as you insist on berating the poor girl, she will never be calm enough to tell me all her troubles. CARTLAND Fine. Come on, woman. SOUND DOOR ROUGHLY OPENS EMMA Shouldn't I stay? For decency's sake? CARTLAND Man's a holy father, even if he is a soft-headed idjet. Whatcha think he might do? EMMA I suppose. MELODY I'll call if I need help! EMMA You do that. SOUND DOOR SHUTS MUSIC SOUND MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH RED From his yarn, Hank was right about'chere when he saw the lights. LEM Hard to reckon what this'ud look like in full dark. What'us the moon like? RED Middling, round about. LEM Hmm. And that'ud be the window? RED Yup. Though way Hank tells it, it was full open when he was looking. LEM [surprised] Oh! RED What? LEM Let's fade back a bit. Don't want anyone to spy us. RED Why? Mm? [sees] Oh! MUSIC [BREAK] AMB OUTDOORS FANSHAW There you are! I've just witnessed the most appalling-- RED Did we really see what I think we jest saw? LEM I'm afeared so. RED That varmint! Taking advantage of a nice-- LEM She din't look "put out" to me. Any fired-up on her part weren't the angry kind, if you catch me. FANSHAW [sarcastic] Oh. So you saw it too. How useful am I? LEM Mighty useful. [slightly different] To know that sumpin's up with them. Looked like they knowed each other afore this. RED I guess you could safely say that. FANSHAW I tactfully took my leave. SOUND HOOFBEATS APPROACH RED Who in tarnation? Damn! LEM What? RED [heavy import] That's Clyde Wishwell and his boys! MUSIC SOUND TAP ON DOOR EMMA Doctor? Is everything all right in there? SULLIVAN [within] Yes! Quite. SOUND FOOTSTEPS APPROACH THEIR SIDE OF DOOR SULLIVAN [within] I have all I need for the moment. SOUND DOOR OPENS SULLIVAN [cautious] Is your husband ...nearby? EMMA He had to step out. SULLIVAN [relieved] Ah. EMMA I have the guest room ready for you. Your drover can bunk with the men. SULLIVAN My--? Oh, yes. That fellow. My guide. SOUND STEPS OUT, CLOSES DOOR EMMA Is she... Is she going to be all right, sir? SULLIVAN I think this will take some time, but yes. I believe she can be saved. EMMA Saved? You talk like she's ailing! SULLIVAN [serious] She is. It is an ailment of the soul. MUSIC SOUND GENERAL DISMOUNTING, ETC. CARTLAND [barely concealed hostility] Wishwell. WISHWELL Mr. Cartland. I hope you don't mind the intrusion? CARTLAND What do you want? WISHWELL We found a fellow lost on our property, claims he'us supposed to be coming here. We decided to give him an escort. BAKER [a bit too much swagger] Yes, yes. Many thanks. You may go ahead and leave. WISHWELLS MEN [annoyed muttering] CARTLAND Who the devil are you? BAKER You sent for me. WISHWELL He was mighty tight about his business with you, Mr. Cartland. I'm right curious. BAKER That is between Mr. Cartland and myself. Are you waiting around for a reason? I could-- SOUND COINS RATTLE WISHWELL [civility slipping] No need, sir! I reckon a man does you a good turn, seeing you to your destination, rather than shooting your backside fulla buckshot as a trespasser, he deserves a bit of an explanation! CARTLAND Yeah. Explain. BAKER [exasperated] Very well. I am the ghost expert you sent away for. MUSIC AMB OUT BACK LEM Why'm I all of a sudden smellin a rat? FANSHAW You mean Sullivan's obvious "familiarity" with young miss Heath? LEM Biggest rat I seen recently. RED You think they got somethin "on" between them? LEM I'm wondrin has anyone actually clapped eyes on the fellow she got her heart pinned to. RED How'd you hear about that? FANSHAW Damn! LEM [calm] I just hear things. RED Oh. But it was one of the Wishwells she was a-hankerin after. FANSHAW And the Wishwells just rode in. Perhaps we should go and take a look at the other side of this little chess match. LEM Lets go get us a look at the Wishwells. RED Right. FANSHAW I'll stay in the house - keep an eye on the courting. MUSIC CARTLAND YOU'RE the expert? Then who the devil we got inside? [yelling over his shoulder] Emma! BAKER [smug] Well, I can't help you there, I'm no clairvoyant - merely a seeker after truth in the field of spiritualism. WISHWELL [a bit worried] Really? Hmm. SOUND DOOR OPENS, EMMA COMES ONTO PORCH EMMA What is it? Oh! Comp'ny! CARTLAND They ain't compny, they's Wishwells. Get that city slicker out here. We got a bit of a branding problem here. BAKER Are you implying there's someone here claiming to be me? CARTLAND Someone here's claiming something, but I don't know which of you it might be. SOUND SWITCH OF PERSPECTIVE, FEET APPROACHING - RED AND LEM BAKER [off a bit] I have credentials and letters of recommendation. RED That's Ezekial Wishwell, in the tan hat. He's a big rancher over t'other side of the valley. LEM And if one of his marries that Miss, inside- RED Reckon he'll get his hands on her half of the ranch here. LEM Hmm. SOUND FADING BACK TO CARTLAND's POV WISHWELL You sent off for a ghost hunter, and you cain't even remember his name? CARTLAND I contacted him through some damn psychical society in the newspaper out of Carson city. BAKER Yes. Precisely. The "friends in passing". CARTLAND And it's bad enough I gotta do such a damn fool thing just so's I can put my wife's mind at rest about her damn fool sister-- SOUND DOOR OPENS, FEET ON PORCH EMMA Here he is. SULLIVAN You needed me for something? [FADING BACK TO LEM] WISHWELL Whatcha gonna do with two of them? SULLIVAN Two of who? BAKER Is that the imposter? EMMA What? RED It's the doggonest thing I ever heered of! LEM It's a wonder, sure enough. FANSHAW They've vacated the - ahem - bedroom. RED You think there's gonna be a fight? Dunno that them two guys would make much of a scrap - that first one's too prissy and citified, and the other's kind of a runt. But it might be something to see. LEM I need a chance to palaver. FANSHAW This might explain the idiotic views of Sullivan - I mean, if he is the imposter. LEM [muttered] People can be thick as two thumbs and still ain't liars. Happens all th'time. SOUND FADING BACK TO CARTLAND RED Whazzat? LEM Trying to logic out which might be the one sposed to be here. FANSHAW Oh, there's the girl! SOUND BARE FEET ON WOODEN PORCH [argument that runs under above] SULLIVAN I am an ordained minister, sir, of the church of the holy seekers after truth! BAKER That hack cabal? They wouldn't know a phantom from an apparition. I have trained with the most respectable societies in the British Isles! SULLIVAN Hidebound stick-in-the-muds! BAKER Newfangled snot-nosed infants, tampering with forces outside your ken! SULLIVAN Infants! I'll have you know-- SOUND MELODY'S BARE FEET RUN OUT ONTO THE DIRT MELODY Stop! Please! [scream of terror, some thrashing about] CARTLAND What the devil? SULLIVAN Quickly, bring some warm tea, and a cold compress, if you have one. EMMA Yes! SOUND SHE DASHES INTO THE HOUSE BAKER Stay back! The girl is under attack. WISHWELL Looks like some kind of fit. CARTLAND Fit o' temper. Get up, girl! SOUND FEET ENTER LEM Mr. Cartland, might could I drop a word in your ear? CARTLAND Who the hell are you? Oh, right, you come in with the preacher - maybe preacher. LEM Something you need to know. FANSHAW Are you planning to tell him about the assignation? He'll do something terrible to that poor girl - you've seen how beastly he is to her. LEM I know you're looking after the best interests of your family here. FANSHAW He threatened to beat her! CARTLAND I do what I gotta. FANSHAW Even if she is feigning all of this, surely she doesn't deserve-- LEM And I can tell you're purt near your wits end. CARTLAND zat so? LEM I think you done took more than most men can take, so I don't fault you none for flyin off the handle. I might could have an answer for all this. CARTLAND [interested] Really? LEM Yup. It was somethin that Sullivan fellow said regarding the bible. CARTLAND [disbelieving] Really? LEM Once they get this little dustup sorted, mebbe could I try something? CARTLAND What you planning? LEM I promise you, I don't reckon no one'll get hurt - leastways not bad - but beyond that, can't tell you much or it'll fall flat. CARTLAND Is this some of this spiritual hoodoo manure? LEM Well, let's say I'm gonna connive them into believin it is. CARTLAND Hmm... [chuckle] Go on, then. MUSIC EMMA She's settled again, but she keeps tossing and a-turning. CARTLAND [calmer] If I'm right, and she's just doing this all out of pique, what do you think should be done? You really think us going on and giving in is gonna make everything all right? EMMA Me? I-- but it's too drastic to be-- CARTLAND I ain't asking if you think she's making it all up, just what you reckon we should oughtta do if she is. EMMA Oh. [pacing] Well. It's a terrible thing she's doing - if she's doing it. But it can't be easy on her, either. All them hurts she's took. CARTLAND Lotta effort to make you feel sorry for her. EMMA If she's faking, then wouldn't the reverend know it? CARTLAND Stick to the question at hand. EMMA You're much less riled than you been in days - do you know something? CARTLAND With two doctor types on hand, how can I not see a light at the end of this here tunnel? EMMA Oh. CARTLAND [almost gentle] I'm waiting. EMMA I agree - we can't, in good conscience, let her get her way through these kinds of shenanigans - always assuming she's-- CARTLAND Yes, yes. We're assuming. EMMA But what can we do for punishment? Lock her away? I couldn't bear that. CARTLAND What'choo think about schooling? EMMA What? CARTLAND Send her off to school - back east or somewheres where rich folks send their girls, and take the cost of the schooling out of her half the ranch. We'll call it bail. EMMA It would keep her away from the Wishwells. And it would get her away from-- CARTLAND Us? EMMA [sigh] Yes. MUSIC LEM I may not have the booklearnin y'all have, but I did have me a granny who did midwifing and could see and talk to all manner of spirits. SULLIVAN Really? How ...rustic BAKER You should never pooh-pooh the lay folk. Many have toiled in the fields of the supernatural without even realizing they did. Back home in-- SULLIVAN Of course, it is only a pity that so often they were seen as enemies of the church and persecuted, rather than embraced and put to good works. FANSHAW Good gad, they're even worse in harmony. LEM Well, Granny once told me of a sure cure for a plague of spirits. BAKER Oh yes? FANSHAW Watch out, he'll write a monograph on your granny. Did you really have one? LEM O'course. It ain't easy, and it ain't exactly safe. But when the only other path is being ridden round with spirits all your life, it's sometimes a risk you gots to take. SULLIVAN Dangerous? LEM O'course. You got to make the spirits flee outta the afflicted one, and t'only way to do it is to convince them you're about to kill that person. SULLIVAN [horrified] KILL? BAKER That makes a strange sort of sense. LEM Best ways are violent. You cain't sneak up behind 'em, since half the convincin has to be that the one what's afflicted gots to believe it. FANSHAW Mention the flagellants in the bible. They used whips to cleanse themselves of-- SULLIVAN But we can't - that-that poor girl! BAKER I am not certain I could do it myself, but I would be most interested in observing. LEM Oh, I can do it. You two should oughta make sure no one else gets in the way, though. SULLIVAN But you wouldn't really hurt her? LEM I s'pose it depends. Sometimes, the spirits are figurin you wouldn't really hurt no one, and they hang on for the first hurt or two. Like them fellas that whip themselves bloody right there in the bible. SULLIVAN [horrified] Oh no! I can't let you do that to any poor defenseless woman. LEM Don't think it's your choice to make, old hoss. BAKER As long as she is afflicted, it will have to be dealt with. SULLIVAN Let me try something else, first! I might have a way to-- LEM That's right fine. We'll come along and observe your way. SULLIVAN No! It's -- it has to be performed in total secrecy. LEM Cain't hide from the spirits, though. FANSHAW I take the hint. BAKER You should be grateful for the help. SULLIVAN Leave me alone for a minute! I have to - to pray! SOUND WALKS OFF FAST LEM [almost a chuckle] BAKER What got into him? FANSHAW I think he truly cares for the girl. LEM A mighty old spirit indeed. MUSIC [BREAK] EMMA They're gonna hurt her? CARTLAND They don't think it will come to much. Just enough to scare the spirits out of her. EMMA Melody's my sister - I cain't just let them beat her! CARTLAND [trying to be comforting] Don't sound like there's any other way they're gonna manage this. [beat] This feller sounds like he knows what he's doing. EMMA [incredulous] Sounds like he--? How can you say that? CARTLAND [curt] I will stop him before he does anything too... drastic. EMMA You got no fine feelings about seeing her hurt. You would have-- CARTLAND [getting annoyed] I'da punished her, yeah. Now get out my way. I'm done talkin! MUSIC RED Lem, over here a minute. LEM [queit] Yeah? [up] Mister Baker, why don't you see if the lady of the house might be able to find you a spot to sleep tonight? BAKER And that charlatan? LEM Doctor Sullivan? You let me handle him. Oh, and - sunset. That's the time to deal with ghosts. BAKER Sunset? LEM So says my gran. BAKER Right. I am quite interested to see how this goes. SOUND BAKER WALKS OFF LEM Sorry about that. RED What are you up to? LEM Takin a tip from the bible. You with me? RED Spect so. WISHWELL Could I have a word with you, sir? LEM [sigh] Spect so. MUSIC SOUND TAPPING ON WOOD [Sullivan sounds very different, western, rather than citified, and is speaking quietly, to avoid being overheard] SULLIVAN Melody? Melody? FANSHAW Hmph. Praying indeed. I would say he's rather old for her, but that moustache doesn't do much to hide a cheek that's barely seen a razor. SULLIVAN Please, Mel, honey! SOUND TEENSY CREAK OPEN MELODY Wallace? You shouldn't be out there! FANSHAW Wallace? SULLIVAN I had to come! Everything's falling apart. MELODY What do you mean? SULLIVAN They've got some cockamamie scheme, and sounds like they're planning to hurt you. Maybe bad. MELODY Emma'd never let them do that! SULLIVAN There's enough people here got no patience left, I doubt but that she couldn't stop them. Can't you turn this? MELODY It's got away from me! What can I do? SULLIVAN Maybe just say you're cured? MELODY And then what? That leaves me here with folks that hate me and no chance o'nothin'? No chance of... us? I'll die first! SULLIVAN I'll try and come up with something. But if it comes down to it, stop them before they hurt you. Please promise you will! MELODY [grim] I'll do what I gotta do. MUSIC WISHWELL What you fixing to do, sir? LEM Come sunset, I'll take drastic measures to free that girl from her torment. WISHWELL You sound like you might have to kill her. LEM I'm sure the reverend - uh - doctor sullivan can speak you best on torment and the afterlife. He's got a nose fer it. WISHWELL But what exactly are you planning to do? FANSHAW Don't turn round. Sullivan is lurking. LEM [sigh] I hate to see anyone in pain. But sometimes, ain't no choice. If'n there's a spirit a-punishin that child, it ain't gon be easy to spook it out. I may have to shoot her. SOUND [men - including RED, WISHWELL, react] LEM [matter of fact] Don't worry none, though. I once shot a man eight times - a'purpose - and he din't die. [shrug] Can't use one hand no more, but apart from that he all healed up jest fine. WISHWELL [horrified] And Cartland's gonna let you go on and do this? LEM I get the feeling that if his wife would allow, he'd do it hisself - he's that plumb wore out with the girl. WISHWELL And what if we all decide to stop you? LEM I don't see as how it's any of your business. SOUND GUNS OUT WISHWELL [sterner] And what if we all decide to stop you? SOUND SHOTGUN COCKS CARTLAND [off] I think mebbe it's time fer you to get along home, then, Wishwell. SOUND GUNS UP WISHWELL [forces laugh] We were just looking out for your best interests, Cartland. Have you heard? This here fellow is fixing to shoot your sister. CARTLAND Well, something's gotta be done with the girl. FANSHAW Is he serious, or did you have a chance to warn him? LEM Glad to see you took my counsel serious, Mr. Cartland. FANSHAW Ah. CARTLAND And now Wishwell, you and your boys can take my counsel - Git! WISHWELL I'll be telling the sheriff about these goings on. CARTLAND You do that. Sunset's about an hour away - you won't get there and back by then. And I figure this way. If my wife's sister can be bit by ghosts, maybe she can get shot by them too. Ain't no one here gonna say otherwise, once all's said and done. MUSIC SOUND TAPPING ON SHUTTER MELODY Wallace? FANSHAW [explaining] That's Sullivan. SOUND TAPPING LEM [indistinguishable grunt] MELODY Wallace? SOUND SHUTTER CREAKS OPEN MELODY Are you-- [gasp of fear!] LEM You want to talk to me, girl. And you want to stay quiet. MELODY My sister is jest in the next room. LEM I know. And I ain't askin fer nothin improper. Cartland's got Sullivan sewed up in argument fer the moment, so I got one chance for you. MELODY Chance? Fer what? LEM Wallace. You in love with the boy, or jest lookin fer a way out from under your folks? MELODY We're in love. LEM You want him more than you want your share of the ranch? MELODY [teensy hesitation] Yes. LEM And would he and his take you without you had that parcel to offer? MELODY He would. LEM And his pa out there? Mr. Wishwell? MELODY [gasp] You know? LEM I know a lotta things. F'r'instance, tonight's gonna be an interestin night. MUSIC FANSHAW So if they're genuinely in love -- LEM I think they are. He's plumb torn up about the chance as she might get hurt. Mebbe she's not so worried, but she seems true. FANSHAW Then this is just like Shakespeare - Romeo and juliet. Families opposed to one another, romance between the younger generation. LEM 'Zat give us any aid with sorting out this rats nest? FANSHAW Well, they both died. So I guess not. LEM Hmm. Plays. FANSHAW What are you thinking? LEM Well... I was playing at solomon. Threatnin the girl to bring out-- FANSHAW [realizing] The real-- Yes! I've got it. Jolly clever. LEM I'm thinkin mebbe I got the wrong baby. FANSHAW The wrong what? MUSIC In house CARTLAND Can't be long now. EMMA You won't let him really hurt her, will you? CARTLAND [gentle] Emma. He promised he wouldn't. We have to convince her he would, though. She gots to believe it. EMMA Why? CARTLAND If she's faking, she has to cry off. If she ain't... well... he says the spirits gotta be convinced she's gonna die, so they'll haveta leave. EMMA Oh. I see. Thank you. CARTLAND [uncomfortable] Right. Just find us one of them schools, woudja? MUSIC OUTSIDE LEM [talking to a crowd] Much as it pains me to have to do this, um, I reckon there ain't no way to solve this problem til we drive out the spirits here. BAKER Where is the girl? LEM She's a coming. SOUND DOOR OPENS LEM Speak of the devil. SOUND SEVERAL PEOPLE WALKING OUT ON WOOD MELODY Please! What are you going to do? SULLIVAN I protest! I don't think this is safe! LEM [muttered] We got any other company? FANSHAW The wishwells never went very far. Just out of sight, then circled back. They're behind the barn. LEM Good. FANSHAW Red appears to be in his allotted position. Hank is nowhere to be seen. LEM Hmph. [up] Get on over here miss. MELODY I'm scared! CARTLAND It gots to be done. EMMA Be strong, Melody. FANSHAW No arguments? Hmm. I sense a reconciliation in the family. LEM Harmony ain't no bad thing. FANSHAW Rather goes with melody, actually. MELODY What is it you plan to do? LEM Gon' drive the evil sprits out. Need you to stand right here, miss. Don't move a muscle. You got me? MELODY Emma! I don't want to do this! EMMA Melody, there ain't no choice. Not no more. SULLIVAN I agree with the young lady - I feel this is too dangerous. MELODY Dangerous? Wh-what's a-going to happen? CARTLAND [commanding but not being mean] Stand still, and let the man do his work. LEM All y'all back on the porch now, if'n you please. SOUND FEET LEM Now miss, if you'll hold yerself real still. MELODY I'll do my best. SOUND GUNSHOT, HITS WOOD MELODY [screams!] [break?] EMMA Be careful! MELODY What did you do that for? LEM I'm shooting the ghosts. That's why you gotta hold real still. SOUND GUNSHOT MELODY [gasp] You nearly hit me! FANSHAW The wishwells are getting closer. LEM Good. SOUND THREE GUNSHOTS MELODy [scream of pain!] EMMA What's that? You said you wouldn't hurt her! Is that blood? LEM That's jest splinters. Stay back. SOUND TWO GUNSHOTS MELODY [scream] SULLIVAN Nooooooooo! SOUND RUNNING FEET, SLOW MO SOUND GUNSHOT SULLIVAN [argh! Death rattle] MELODy [scream, death rattle] FANSHAW [dry] Two with one shot. Oh my. EMMA [screaming] SOUND RUNNING FEET LEM Mr. Cartland, hold your wife. Mr. Baker? BAKER [flustered] um, um - yes. LEM You got any doctoring? BAKER Yes, yes, of course. I'll check on them. WISHWELL [coming roaring in] Nooo! CARTLAND What the devil you doing here, Wishwell? LEM Stay back, there. Let the doctor do his business. WISHWELL Wallace! Damn you, you sidewinder! You are a dead man! SOUND GUNS DRAW WISHWELL You ain't steppin in this time, Cartland! CARTLAND If I just saw what just happened, you kin have him. LEM [Unconcerned] Afore you start throwin lead, mebbe you two should take some of the blame on yerselves. CARTLAND What? WISHWELL You can go to blazes! LEM If you two weren't such prickly porcupines on the subject of them kids getting married, none of this woulda ever happened. CARTLAND That's who she wanted to marry? And he's a wishwell? WISHWELL He's my youngest, you son of a buzzard. Sent him off back east to school, make a better man of him. And now all that's ashes. CARTLAND He ain't a reverend, then? FANSHAW Goodness, they're a bit slow. LEM Hush, now! Now you two can be joined in your misery, like you might have been joined by them kids. Only damn fool you gotta hate now is me. CARTLAND He ain't said they're dead. Doctor? BAKER [calling] I'm doing what I can. WISHWELL My son? Is he still with us? LEM Hold it. SOUND GUN COCKS WISHWELL You stay out my way. SOUND SHOTGUN RACKED RED I think you better drop that gun Mr. Wishwell. CARTLAND I'll go and-- RED No, sir. You wait too. With all due respect. LEM If them kids survive this, you let em marry? CARTLAND They're too young. She is, anyway. [don't forget the bit about sullivan not being as old as the moustasche and beard make him look] WISHWELL You just don't wanna lose half the ranch. CARTLAND I got plans for that half the ranch. I got it planned right up til she comes of age. LEM Mebbe if they can marry, she can leave you in charge til she comes of age. Let you carry through your plans. EMMA None of this matters! Let me go to my sister! RED Lem? LEM Give em sumpin to live for, you two. Make this up. Tell them they ain't gotta be dead to be together. WISHWELL You think that would help? LEM I been near dead once or twice, and havin hope is a mighty fine thing. EMMA Bart? Please let her, Bart! If you don't care to give Melody some hope, give me some! CARTLAND If Wishwell agrees that I keep control for five more years. WISHWELL We're gonna have to set this down in writin. EMMA There ain't no time fer writing now! [sharp] You say it! Both of you! CARTLAND Fine. Melody! If'n you can hear me, you listen. I'm telling you, you can marry that... boy. We got it all worked out at this end. WISHWELL Wallace? Fight Wallace! You idjit, jumping in front of a bullet fer a girl! But you can have her if you want her. Izzat good? CARTLAND You all gonna put down yer guns now? LEM That sounds fine. What you'all think? MELODY [perfectly fine] I think it sounds good. But I gotta have a real fine dress. Understand? EMMA [astonished] Melody? MELODY I'm all right. SULLIVAN We're both just fine. WISHWELL Well... Damn! CARTLAND All right, somebody better start explaining. RED Lem? Lem? MUSIC SOUND RIDING SLOWLY LEM Much as I hate walkin the horses by moonlight-- FANSHAW I do think it's best to get while the getting is good. Do you think they will keep their promises? LEM Got witnesses enough between Baker and Red. FANSHAW Whatever happened to Hank? LEM That was probly me - I think I suspected his belt buckle too loudly and he took fright. FANSHAW Paid to tell a tale? LEM Ayup. FANSHAW Solomon to Prince Escalus in one step. I'm impressed. LEM What are you jabberin on about? FANSHAW That back there was Romeo and Juliet, was it not? LEM Mebbe just a little. [beat] You ever done any of them plays? FANSHAW Oh, yes. School. LEM You gotta be the one in the dress? Like you were sayin? You got a voice that might could pass. FANSHAW Oh... [dropping voice as low as possible] No. Actually, I often was the lead. I even played romeo. I was rather good at learning lines. Of course, someone always had to put on the dress. Boys and girls do not attend school together - not our sort of boys and girls, anyway. LEM Seems like puttin a hat on a pig. FANSHAW No. It's just "theater." END

death father school man young stand care sound doctors boys evil pray speak tales poor horses saved families husband praying dangerous kitchen feet nevada shakespeare manifestation paid gotta spirits plays goodness mighty wyoming haunting lock bart sunsets editing nah ye bit infants comp harness watched mm wreck sir traditionally chest reverend renting looked hush granny purgatory hysteria announcers jolly encyclopedia pinch possessed gon mmm git whatcha fer british isles dammit annoyed utter wh amb lessen king lear lem tucked fervent gunshots reckon turquoise shh reissue tryin dunno carson city spect balderdash music sounds middling afore deadeye hammer down unconcerned looky newfangled music break dismount kevin macleod incompetech garish cartland julius caeser hmph julie hoverson nocturne boulevard fanshaw

FILE 042: THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN - "The Wolf Boy"

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Play Episode Listen Later Jul 10, 2022 131:35

"The Wolf Boy" Airdate: October 12, 1975 Written by Jerry London Directed by Judy Burns Synopsis: Steve travels into the wild with his friend Kurota to find a feral child believed to be the son of a dead diplomat. John and Jerry are joined by guest Julie Hoverson 19 Nocturne Boulevard. Together, they discuss the phenomenon of finding feral children in media including Lucan, the continuing story of Fujiota, and play a game of This or That. Join us Sunday nights at 7:00ET as we discuss an episode of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN and Wednesday nights at 7:00ET as we discuss an episode of THE BIONIC WOMAN with a fan as well as featuring live commentary from our viewers. Bionic Operative Julie Hoverson

Edict Zero – FIS – EP601 – “Tides of Time”

Edict Zero - FIS

Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2022

EDICT ZERO – FIS – Season 6 Episode 1 – “Tides of Time” #CREDITS# VOICES: James Keller, Julie Hoverson, Russell Gold, Phil Rossi, Tanja Milojevic, Robert Cudmore, Chris Barnes, David Collins-Rivera, Sarah Golding, Dayn Leonardson, Stefan Rudnicki,Jennifer Dixon,Pandora Kew, Tracy Lea-Cudmore, and Jack Kincaid. EXPANDED VOICE CREDITS The Bishop – Drusilla _______________ Jennifer Dixon Drusilla […]

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Episode 41 Sheriff Silver episode 1

Candy Is Yummy

Play Episode Listen Later May 3, 2022 6:49

The episode was written by Josh Busch & Timothy Robare. The actors were Sean Conroy, Jordan Kalina, Kiriko Windgeist, Lane Pride, Julie Hoverson, Chrystal Tang, & Timothy Robare. The cool music was by Ketsa, JPJ Comps, & Psychadelik Pedestrian. Thanks for listening! Why not subscribe to us today? And to stay in the Candy is Yummy loop, follow Josh on Instagram & Twitter where he's @JoshBuschStuff And don't forget to play the free games at FreeRice.com where just by playing free games you can magically feed starving people around the world for free.

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19 Nocturne Boulevard - B&B Investigations, Case 1: CRY WOLF (Reissue of the Week)

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2022 27:28

CRY WOLF (B&B Investigations, Case 1) In a world part 1940s film noir and part Grimms, B&B Investigations are hired to clear the name of one "Mr. Wolf", who was allegedly killed after devouring a grandmother... Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Paul Bette - Joel Harvey Donna Bella - Julie Hoverson Captain Oftheguard - Reynaud LeBoeuf Mrs. Wolf - Rhys TM Rumplestiltskin - Philemon Vanderbeck Red - Julia Carson Little Boy Blue - Beverly Poole Portia - Chandra Wade Prince - Mr. Synyster Additional Voices - Cole Hornaday Music: Buz Hendricks, Somewhere Off Jazz Street (via Jamendo) 19 Nocturne Main Theme: Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover design: Front: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a private detective's office, can't you tell?" ************************************************ CRY WOLF Cast: Olivia (opening credits) Donna Bella - slumming society dame Paul Bett - roughneck P.I. Mrs. Wolf - distraught widow Red - hot tamale and damsel in dis dress Captain Oftheguard - police investigator Boy Blue - patticake ragamuffin Winky, Blinky, Noddy - sewing Crones Rumpy Stiltskin - snitch Portia - Lawyer from across the pond Prince Officer Sees-Real-Far ANNOUNCER 19 Nocturne Boulevard. CABBIE Nocturne Boulevard? Not far. When you hit Howard, hang a right. Howard meets Phillip at a weird kind of angle, then you cross James and Poe. You can't miss Nocturne - it's just past the automat. ANNOUNCER 19 Nocturne Boulevard, your address for suspenseful stories of the speculative, strange, and supernatural. Tonight's story is called Wolf's Clothing SOUND KNOCK ON DOOR. DOOR OPENS. OLIVIA [sultry voice] Yes. This is 19 Nocturne Boulevard, won't you step inside? SOUND FOOTSTEPS OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a private detective's office, can't you tell? MUSIC SULTRY NOIR SAX MRS. WOLF I know he was a beast-- PAUL Hey! MRS. WOLF But he was mine. And now he's dead. DONNA Seems like a cut and dried case, Mrs. Wolf. What exactly do you want us to do? MRS. WOLF They're saying my dear sweet husband Loopy killed this old lady and was taken down by a "good Samaritan" before he could escape. But he would never do anything like that! VOICEOVER MUSIC BEGINS DONNA [voiceover] We'd seen it all before. But that's what you get in P-I work - more of denial than Egypt in flood season, and more grief than happily ever afters. Lives are like mirrors - once they're shattered, they can never be quite put back together. PAUL [voiceover] Mrs. Wolf was a typical criminal's window. Never willing to admit that the dead beloved might have actually been a predator-- DONNA [voiceover] Hey! This is my voiceover. PAUL [voiceover] You said we were going to start splitting them. And you kept top billing. DONNA [voiceover] That's my Paul. Paul Bette. Despite his excruciatingly gruff and intimidating exterior, he always has to be the logical one. PAUL [voiceover] And that's my Donna. Donna Bella. She's a lot more than just a pretty face. VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS TO FADE OUT DONNA [voiceover] I am right here. PAUL [voiceover] Hmph. Maybe you'll learn something. Is it my turn now? DONNA [voiceover] Nah, let's cut back to the scene. VOICEOVER MUSIC ENDS MRS. WOLF It's like you're not even listening to me! DONNA Sorry. So your husband was killed in the commission of a crime-- PAUL Alleged crime. Alleged commission. MRS. WOLF Loopy would never do that! He's always been a good husband and father-- DONNA Forgive me for asking, Mrs. Wolf, but has he been known to, well, hunt in other pastures? PAUL That was surprisingly tactful. DONNA Thank you. MRS. WOLF You're asking if he ever ran around on me? DONNA You know, a little howl at the moon? A little lamb on the side? MRS. WOLF Well Loopy was no saint-- PAUL It will help us help you. MRS. WOLF [Sobs, then grudgingly] Yes. I always knew he was a bit of a dog, but I loved him. And there were always the cubs to consider. DONNA Let's get down to the teeth of the matter. What exactly do you want us to do? Your husband's killer is no secret - in fact he's all over the papers as a big hero. "Simple woodcutter saves young girl from fate of devoured gramma." Story on page 7. MRS. WOLF It's the insurance. They're refusing to pay out since he died while committing a crime. I wouldn't ask if it was just for me, but our pack - well, we'll hardly be able to hold our muzzles up in public. VOICEOVER MUSIC BEGINS PAUSE DONNA [voiceover] ... OK, you go. PAUL [voiceover] Thank you. The case was the biggest thing to hit the hot sheets since the disappearance of debutante White last year. Nothing sparks the interest like someone getting devoured. DONNA [voiceover] ...And a little heavily implied sex. The facts were pretty cut and dried. Red reached gramma's cottage at 10 p.m., only to find the door unlocked and most of the light bulbs unscrewed. A voice from the bedroom called out for her to come in. VOICEOVER MUSIC CUTS OUT PAUL We should check and see if Mr. Wolf was known for voice impersonations. DONNA Noted. So-- PAUL [cutting her off] So Red went in to deliver gramma's goodies-- DONNA [upping the ante] --and didn't realize at first that the person tucked up in bed was not her dear sweet gran-- PAUL [stealing the punchline, almost breathless] --but a bloodthirsty wolf, dressed in the clothes of the little old lady he had devoured just moments earlier. DONNA [sigh] Why didn't she notice? We need to check on Red's eyesight. Seems fishy to me. Could she have been expecting something? PAUL I've heard some interesting things about Red. Maybe I should tackle her alone. DONNA Me too - [catty] I've heard that if her riding hood was a car, it would come with a rumble seat and a convertible roof. PAUL [wolfish] They do say she likes to run around with the top down. DONNA [sweetly] Well, you go on ahead. I'll stop in on the Captain and see if I can wiggle loose a copy of the official report. PAUL Nothing doing! I know just what kind of wiggling you-- [cut off by music] VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS DONNA [voiceover, very satisfied] So we paid a little call on Red. Together. PAUL [voiceover] Hey! Let me finish. DONNA [voiceover] Tell me on the way. SOUND CAR DOORS. CAR DRIVES OFF CAR ENGINE UNDER PAUL Bella? DONNA [romantic-ish] Yes, Paul? PAUL [musing] What would you do if you walked into, say, my bedroom... DONNA Oh, Paul? PAUL [not noticing] And crept up to the burly figure tucked up in bed.... DONNA [giggles] Um-hum? PAUL [still oblivious] and when you got close enough to get a good look, you see-- DONNA [sultry] What would I see, Paul? PAUL --A wolf in a nightcap? DONNA What? I mean, you're a bit shaggy around the edges, but-- PAUL Huh? I was thinking of Red. What were ... you...? DONNA [snappish] Teasing. You're right. Even if she had to get close before noticing, there's too much chance she'll spot the switch. That's quite a risk he took. PAUL Why are you so flushed? Are you OK? DONNA Huh? [covering badly] Thrill of the chase. Are we there yet? VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS DONNA [whispering] I think he's - yep - he's gone. Well, as you might have noticed, my big lug of a partner doesn't seem to know I'm alive - except as a sidekick and a sleuth. I've heard of girls who want to be loved for their minds, but everything from my neck down was getting lonely. So I --- Oops, here he-- [clears throat] When we got to Red's address-- PAUL Did I miss anything? DONNA Nope! --the windows of the bungalow were dark and a FOR SALE sign sat in the yard. PAUL What's ... wrong? DONNA [snap] Nothing. VOICEOVER MUSIC ENDS SOUND OUTDOOR NOISES PAUL No, really. DONNA Well, there is one thing... [beat] Why would she sell her house right after her brush with death? PAUL Bad memories? DONNA But that would be Gramma's house, wouldn't it? PAUL So where's Red? CAPTAIN [off, coming on] She's staying at the Perrault Hilton - makes it easier to avoid the press. DONNA [all sweetness, not fake] Captain Oftheguard, what are you doing here? PAUL [growls] CAPTAIN I could ask you the same thing. What's the deal? This is hardly the most interesting case in town, seeing as we've already got everything handled - one dead killer, one live hero-- PAUL And one red hot media bombshell. Getting any good press lately? DONNA Ssh! We've been asked to look into a couple things. You know how insurance companies are. CAPTAIN [warning] Look, this case is wrapped up tighter than a ballgown in a walnut, and the last thing I need is you two poking your noses into it and messing it up. I don't want to see you anywhere near this case, you hear? I've got a glass mountain just waiting for the first one to get in my way. PAUL Oh yeah? DONNA Shh. Bruce-- CAPTAIN [softening, but stern] Don't Bruce me, Donna. Why a nice girl like you wants to be a private eye is beyond me. Call me when you want to go legit. PAUL [growls] CAPTAIN Take it up with the king, pal. SOUND FOOTSTEPS STOMP AWAY DONNA Why can't you be civil? PAUL I don't like him. He treats you like you should be locked in a tower. DONNA Tsch. He just-- BOY BLUE Pardon me, good miss, good sir, have you seen a mangy cur? PAUL Pfui. Get away. DONNA No need to-- PAUL I hate patticakes. DONNA If not for them, who'd do all the scut work? Cartoon mice? Paul, why don't you run along and see if you can talk to Red? I'll catch a cab late - it's Bee night anyway. PAUL But--? VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS DONNA I have to explain the patticakes, dear. You'll have plenty of time to get across town. PAUL [muttering, going off] They come in here, take all the jobs... DONNA You may have noticed a certain theme to our world. Well, the patticakes hail from a completely different land. PAUL [off, yelling] They don't even speak good English! DONNA [sigh] They're stuck in the past, and limited in their abilities, but they do just fine at menial labor, so they get hired under the table by people too cheap or too broke to find someone local. Luckily, when I was a kid, my nanny was an old woman who lived in a shoe, so I knew the lingo. VOICEOVER MUSIC ENDS PAUL [yelling, off] And they do stupid things like jump over candle-sticks-- DONNA [yelling back] It's over! PAUL [off, not yelling] Oh. DONNA [sigh] Right. Hmm... [thinking noises] question - no that's a hard one, little boy blue... wait, no... I've got it! [to boy] I've seen no dog, my boy in blue, but I have something to ask you. BOY BLUE Lovely Lady, kind and fair I'll answer anything I dare! DONNA Just a moment. [thinking again, then] I need to know about Miss Red Or about the wolf that's dead BOY BLUE The wolf is dead? Oh lackaday! He had me watch his car for pay. DONNA You mean the wolf came here? What-- oh! [thinking hard, trying to rhyme] BOY BLUE I see the sinking of the sun My mother worries - I must run! SOUND FOOTSTEPS RUN OFF DONNA Damn! But why would Mr. Wolf have come here? If Red knew him-- VOICEOVER MUSIC CUTS HER OFF DONNA What? PAUL I need to muse. Take a break. DONNA Are you spying on me? PAUL [genuinely shocked] No! I wouldn't-- DONNA Good. PAUL [clears throat] I figured this was as good a time as any to tap my underworld contacts, see if there was any connection between red and the wolf-- DONNA Don't you dare! That's my clue! PAUL Now who's spying? DONNA I'll go away, but only if you don't follow my clue. PAUL [growl] Oh, Done. DONNA Fine. PAUL [loudly] Then I decided to tap my underworld contacts to see if the woodcutter had any prior grudge against the wolf-- DONNA [off] That's better! PAUL And I figured after that, I could swing by ...Captain ...Oftheguard's... office-- [quietly] Donna? [waits] Whew. [chuckles, then fondly] She's a real salamander when she gets started. Look, don't tell her this, [listens again for a second] but, I feel like such a - well, a beast - when I see her and Oftheguard together. He's an old friend of the family - when her father the big time importer had a few bad business breaks, he helped them keep the wolf from the door, and I always figured it was to get close to her, since her sisters are no prize. That's how Donna ended up coming to work for me. Times were tough. [putting a brave face on it] Now that her father's back in the shipping fast lane, I figure it's just a matter of time before she gets bored with keeping company with a roughneck like me and goes back to her high society friends. PAUL [breaking a little] I don't know how I'll get by without her, but there's no way a gorgeous dame like her could ever be interested in a big hairy brute like yours truly. And what could I say? Every time I try and come up with something romantic, all I think of is "will you marry me?" which is bound to be slapped down. So I make light and pretend I don't see her lovely eyes and shiny red hair... [sigh that's almost a growl] DONNA I'm back - miss me? PAUL I, no, I-- [going off] have to meet a guy. DONNA I'll never understand him. [beat] What? Oh, fine - [sigh] I got to the bee. [beat] Why isn't the music ending? I've arrived. [beat] Tsk. [exasperated sigh] Grand balls may be the obvious social events of high society, but the sewing bees are the true heart of the old dame's network. We get together to spin and weave and sew ... and dish. [calling off] Good enough? VOICEOVER MUSIC ENDS ABRUPTLY DONNA [sarcastic] Thanks. SOUND KNOCK ON DOOR WINKY [muffled] Come in! SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS DONNA Hey, ladies! Winky, nice glasses. Blinky, how's the gout? Nod - What happened to your hunch? NODDY [sounding like Marty Feldman] What hunch? DONNA Huh? Nevermind. I brought Pies! THE LADIES [noises of happy excitement] WINKY Is this that Pieman friend of yours? DONNA Might be. [chuckles] Never hurts to have pals in low places. Hey, Tilda's not here? Did she finally finish those shirts for her seven brothers? BLINKY All but one sleeve, can you believe it? No one ever understand how long these things take. DONNA I'd'a thought she be here chatting up a storm, just about now. NODDY She's on her honeymoon, the wench! PAUL [off, calling] Enough of this Lifetime moment. Can I have the narrative for a while? There's actually something happening over here. DONNA [loud whisper] Oh, all right, but - where's the-- VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS HASTILY DONNA and PAUL Thank you! PAUL May I? DONNA [fondly] Brute. [long sexy sigh, then fading away] Very well. PAUL [lustful growl, then shakes himself out of it] That woman. Where was I? Right. My best contact, Rumpy - that little weasel - was just coming out of his basement for the night as I rolled up. VOICEOVER MUSIC FADES SOUND STREET NOISES, FOOTSTEPS PAUL Hey Rump. Any straw to gold today? RUMPY [surprised] Oh! Oh, it's you, Bett. Whadja want? PAUL Come on old pal! Can't a guy just look you up for old times sake? RUMPY You know, and I know, we got no old times, me old son. Show me the money. Unless you have, uh, something a bit more round and pink handy? PAUL No babes today, Rump. You're old enough, you wouldn't know what to do with one if you did get one. Right, then. I want the skinny on the Wolf massacre. RUMPY Wolf? I don't seem to recall-- SOUND CLINK OF HEAVY COINS PAUL This refresh your memory? RUMPY Oh, you mean the Red Riding Hood rescue. PAUL I want to know more about the wolf, and I heard you two sometimes ended up at the same watering holes. What kind of guy was he? RUMPY [losing the sly undertones] Truly, I never would have pegged him as a grammavore. Never saw him touch anything harder than lamb kebobs, if you get my drift. PAUL No steak tartare? No little pigs? RUMPY Truly, Bett, on my mother's grave. He was a bit secretive the last few days, though, leering and preening and hinting he had a new lady friend. Said something about her being real hot stuff. PAUL Red hot? RUMPY [cagey again] Yes... he might have said something like that. But he did say one thing solid, that I almost recall... SOUND CLINK OF MORE COINS RUMPY Ah, yes, it all comes back to me. He mentioned how she was, um, a bit experimental, in the... boudoir, so to speak. PAUL Kinky? RUMPY To put a bald face on it, yes. He said she liked him to 'dress up'. VOICEOVER MUSIC DONNA [after a pause] What, no snappy wrap up? PAUL Frankly, I'm a little creeped out. DONNA Oh, all right, let's meet up outside the office. PAUL Yeah, good. VOICEOVER MUSIC FADES AMBIANCE STREET NOISES SOUND HORSE GOES BY QUICKLY, THEN SUDDENLY HOOFBEATS STOP DONNA [yelling off] Hey! Just because that thing can fly doesn't mean there isn't a scoop law! PAUL [very tired] Morning. DONNA What happened to you? Phew - you smell like an elvish cobbler shop. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON SIDEWALK, THEY AMBLE OFF TO WORK PAUL I was tapping rumpy. [flustered] I mean , I was getting the low-down from my contacts. DONNA Stiltskin's about as low down as they get... PAUL You get anything at the Bee? DONNA Not much. Neither one sees to have run in our circles. Seems Gramma didn't get out much, and Red moves in - well, much FASTER circles... PAUL I see. DONNA One thing, though. Rapunzel showed up for a bit - she's legal counsel for the highway board, you know? - and said that SHE'd heard of Gramma‑‑ PRINCE Halt there! PAUL What? It's too early for-- PRINCE Unhand that fair maiden! PAUL Who, her? DONNA What? PRINCE Don't worry - I am here to save you! Take heart, dear lady! PAUL Um, fellow-- DONNA [ramping up] What? PRINCE This foul beast cannot harm you ever again! Rescue is at hand! PAUL Look out, he's gotta sword! PRINCE Have at! Hah! DONNA WHAT! MUSIC STING CAPTAIN I am disappointed in you. That poor, poor prince-- PAUL [muttered] He started it. CAPTAIN Brawling on the street like a couple of - drunken... um... drunkards. DONNA He must be annoyed, he's dropping his similes. CAPTAIN Shut up! You'll be lucky if he doesn't press charges! I'm still trying to decide if I should toss you in a dungeon. DONNA Huh? I didn't even break his nose until he brought up Stockholm Syndrome. PAUL She was very understated. DONNA Thank you. CAPTAIN I don't CARE! I won't have it in my town! PAUL Look, if it will get him to forgo filing a complaint, tell him he can tell everyone it was me that done him over. Much less embarrassing to the folks back home. CAPTAIN [sigh, resigned] Fine. Get outta here. I know where to find you. SOUND CHAIR SCRAPE, FOOTSTEPS, THEN STEPS PAUSE PAUL One thing, Captain - was there an autopsy on Mr. Wolf? CAPTAIN Autopsy? Why would we do that? It was obvious how he died! PAUL I was more interested in his stomach contents... CAPTAIN Besides, after the woodcutter got through with him, there wasn't much cutting left to -- stomach contents? PAUL Just curious. We'll get out of your way. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SHUTS DONNA Think he'll go for it? PAUL fifty-fifty. DONNA Is that a bet? VOICEOVER MUSIC PAUL We decided to speak with the only killer we were sure of - even if he was the hero of the day. The woodcutter had been mighty quiet.... END VOICEOVER DONNA That was short and sweet. PAUL I'm still hung over. DONNA This is the place. SOUND KNOCKING ON A DOOR, PAUSE THEN KNOCKING AGAIN PAUL Uh-oh. DONNA What? PAUL In the window. DONNA [gasp!] Is he--? PAUL Well, he could be sleeping. On the floor. In a puddle of blood... Here--[effort] SOUND DOOR BEING FORCED, HIS FOOTSTEPS DONNA [off, calling] Anything? PAUL Nothing obvious. DONNA [off] Check him for combs and poison apples, but be careful, Paul! PAUL [quiet] I love it when she worries. DONNA [off] What? PAUL Nothing. [grunts as he rolls him over] Aha. Stabbed in the back. DONNA With what? PAUL I have an idea... And look at this! SOUND HER FOOTSTEPS COME ON DONNA What is--? Why would he have one of those? PAUL Maybe a souvenir from Gramma's house? DONNA No - she only had one, and the wolf was wearing it when he died. PAUL Hmm.... DONNA I'll call Captain Oftheguard-- PAUL No, we'll need him. DONNA Need him for what? VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS PAUL [importantly] The denouement. DONNA Are we there already? PAUL Oh, yes. [clears throat] So we rounded up all the unusual suspects - DONNA There's actually only the one. Red. PAUL Oh, well, we got Red and Oftheguard to meet us at Gramma's cottage, a one-room, run-down little affair that had definitely seen better days - three or four kings ago. VOICEOVER MUSIC STOPS DONNA All present and -- who are you? RED [VERY SULTRY] That's my attorney Portia. PORTIA [VERY BRITISH, acknowledging the intro] Most noble lady. PAUL Portia? DONNA [whispered] I think she's from across the pond. PAUL [growls, then mutters] First patticakes, now Shakespeareans - what's next? DONNA Shh. Denouement, remember? PAUL Right. [pulls himself together] Daymoo-- [sighs, almost a growl] Denouement. DONNA Should I start? RED Well somebody should. CAPTAIN We're all here. PAUL Fine. We were hired to investigate the circumstances of a violent death-- RED My Gramma? PAUL Actually, no. We're talking about the death of Mr. Wolf, at the hands of a woodcutter. RED But he was protecting little old me. That's not murder! DONNA Stuff it up your riding hood, Red. Let Paul talk. PAUL [growls appreciatively] As I was saying, Wolf's wife, loyal to the end, insisted that while he might have been on the prowl, he wasn't a killer. And she was right, wasn't she, Captain? CAPTAIN He? [grudgingly] Turns out you're right. There was no sign of gramma in the wolf's stomach contents. DONNA Great! CAPTAIN [defensive] But there was Gramma - bits - found in his mouth and teeth - so there was no reason for us to look any farther. PAUL Understandable. CAPTAIN The guard is always busy, and understaffed. DONNA We're agreeing with you. PAUL So the wolf was a patsy. A fall guy. PORTIA What, like icarus? DONNA Don't confuse him. PAUL And once we rule out who seemed to be the murderer, we have to look at motive. CAPTAIN Which is? RED Yes, enlighten us - If you think I want to own this run-down little rathole, you're sadly mistaken. It's so old, it might as well have been built out of gingerbread. DONNA Ah! Well I found out, from a contact in the D-A's office and highway planning board, that there's been a highway supposed to go through this very spot, but it's been held up in the planning stages, since Gramma didn't want to sell. RED [gasp] PORTIA Is there something I should know? SOUND KNOCK ON THE DOOR CAPTAIN That will be Officer Sees-Real-Far. [raising voice] come in! S-R-F We did what you said sir, and-- CAPTAIN [lowering his voice] And? S-R-F [low] out behind the woodshed sir. CAPTAIN Very good. PORTIA In the interest of disclosure, sire--[don't forget her best line - the devil is in the details, milord] CAPTAIN In a bit. Go on. DONNA But even if Red had a very good motive - by the way, my contact also said the board bought the land this morning - and for a pretty penny. RED [petulant] I may be in mourning for my gramma, but business is business. DONNA Right. We come to the death of the woodcutter. Supposedly an innocent bystander, dragged in to the whole mess out of pure chivalry and civic duty. PAUL Or was he--? RED What are you implying? You won't find anyone who saw us together until AFTER the fact. PORTIA I ought to caution you to remain silent. RED Why? I have nothing to hide. PORTIA Yes, I can tell by your dress. DONNA Back to the subject. PAUL Funny you should mention dresses, there, mouthpiece. Because the wolf - who also was probably never seen with you, Red, was howling to all his friends about a hot little number‑‑ DONNA --red-hot-- PAUL --who was keeping company with him, and how she was a little kinky. RED Shut up! PAUL She liked him to dress up-- RED Tell him I'll sue! PAUL In an old lady's nightgown. RED [collapses into tears] DONNA It started out as part of the plot, didn't it? Just a way to get him into the nightie before he tucked himself up and waited for you? PAUL But you realized it really got your ball rolling. DONNA Otherwise, why would we have found this-- SOUND NIGHTGOWN PULLED OUT OF BAG DONNA In the woodcutter's bedroom? CAP, RED, POR [GASP!!] RED I forgot about that... PAUL Not hard, since just as you didn't actually kill the wolf, you didn't actually kill the woodcutter either. DONNA [completely surprised] She didn't? PAUL [pleased with himself] Nope. Captain, I think you already have that killer in custody. CAPTAIN [baffled] I do? DONNA Come on! Spill! PAUL That prince who attacked us on the street, beautiful. While you were -- CAPTAIN Causing a disturbance. DONNA Defending myself. PAUL Turning into a whirlwind, I happened to notice his sword had a tiny smear of dried blood on it. It didn't strike me at the time, except that he was pretty careless with his weapon. DONNA And the woodcutter--? PAUL When I saw the stab wound in his back, I thought it looked strange - awkward. Sword's aren't made for that, but they'll do. I think you'll find, Captain when you do an autopsy on the poor fellow, that it's the same caliber. CAPTAIN Swords don't have calibers. DONNA So it's an Ex-caliber? PAUL [growls] Size, shape, whatever. Don't nitpick, this is the big payoff! DONNA So she vamped him into killing the wolf-- PAUL Not too hard, a poor but honest woodcutter, and a tamale like that-- DONNA He must have thought he died and went to heaven. PAUL And he did, just the other way round. CAPTAIN So this prince--? DONNA She must have heard we were onto her. PAUL And she gave him a sob story and sent him round to take me out. DONNA Possibly hoping I'd get caught in the crossfire-- um cross sword, um... PAUL Fray? DONNA Fray. Yes. PORTIA But you still have no proof of any of this. CAPTAIN [chuckles] That's where you're wrong, milady. PAUL Oh? CAPTAIN My officer just now? Well, I had some of my boys dig around out back, and guess what they found? RED Oh No! PORTIA My client is admitting nothing. CAPTAIN They found Gramma. Dead. Buried under the woodshed. And I think we're going to find she wasn't killed by wolf, woodcutter or demented prince. Eh, Red? RED All right! I did it! She was a tiresome senile old biddy who stockpiled newspapers and put food out for the bluebird of happiness! She had no reason to live, let alone to keep me from my dreams! DONNA Which are? RED [unconvincing] Oh, you know - fame fortune, marry a prince. PAUL Really? RED [admitting] Ok, so my only dream is to kill her and get a bunch of money, is that so wrong? VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS DONNA A nice end to another tough case. Mrs. Wolf got her insurance money, and the cubs can go to college-- PAUL Red got her comeuppance, and the prince went into therapy-- DONNA And the money from the sale of gramma's land went to a distant relation living in a pumpkin shell. PAUL [grumbling] Patticakes. DONNA And we-- PAUL --we got our fee-- DONNA --and the warm feeling-- PAUL --of helping someone in need. DONNA Stop! Darn it Paul. I'm tired of this. PAUL Of what? DONNA All of this. Fighting over voiceovers, everything. PAUL You-- you mean? DONNA Yes. PAUL Well, I can't say I wasn't expecting it. DONNA I've just been holding out to be nice. PAUL [wilting] Of course. DONNA So, as of tomorrow-- PAUL [growly sigh, very small] Yes? DONNA I want my own damn voiceover music! PAUL [immensely cheered] Oh! CLOSING OLIVIA Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back. Maybe next week? Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...

(FRESH!) Talk The Talk from 19 Nocturne Boulevard!

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 20, 2022 33:20

HELP SUPPORT NEW EPISODES! Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/19Nocturne Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/a_d_infinitum Next month (May 2022) will be one of the following (contact us through twitter or facebook or email to vote!): A. Deadeye Kid prequel B. Fatal Girl, season 2, episode 1 C. Something else entirely Ko-fi votes count for every dollar donated!!! TALK THE TALK Written by Julie Hoverson, sound mixing by Neil Gowland CAST Lydia Farnsworth - Julie Hoverson Thomas Farnsworth - JD Lauriat (Haunted House Flippers) Alice White - Shannon Perry (OZ-9) Phone - Pete Lutz (Narada Radio) Judge - Russell Gold Foreman - Jay Langejeans D.A. - Kerr Lordygan Guard - Jimmy Robbins Couch - Chris Hart Elevator - Cary Michael Ayers Lighter - Richard Hand Lamp - Boyd Barrett Sink - Blythe Renay Gun - Thomas Rippert Closet - Joe Griffin WHISPERS Erin Suminsby James C. Taylor Ruya Telhami Julie Hoverson David S. Dear Fiona Thraille *************************************************************** TALK THE TALK Cast: Olivia Lydia Farnsworth Thomas Farnsworth Alice White Judge Foreman D.A. Guard Phone Couch Elevator C Lighter Lamp Sink Gun Closet MUSIC OLIVIA Why, it's a courtroom, can't you tell? Where else would you find... a murderer? Scene 1. LYDIA [condescending, replying to a question] Lydia Farnsworth - Everyone here knows that. ... Yes, yes. ... I killed him. It was self-defense. He was planning to kill me. ... [hesitant, lying] An anonymous phone call. [narrating] Of course I can't say who told me - everyone would think I was utterly insane. When it started, Icouldn't even understand it, much less believe - how could I convince anyone else? MUSIC Scene 2. STING LYDIA [narrating] I know I am a joke. An older woman, rich and prominent, married to a much younger - well, a youngerman. And I'm not THAT old - 40 isn't really, and everyone says I look more like 35. But he looks 29 - which he is - so ... tongues will wag. SOUND Tom screams, long, distant and echoey. LYDIA Oh, that was later. Tom almost never screams. TOM [screams, but happily] Hey! SOUND ROULETTE WHEEL. TOM Didja see that? Boy oh boy, if I could bottle that! LYDIA [purring] You're a lucky man. TOM [interested] We-e-ell.... I guess I am. Hey Kitten, wanna help make a rich man poor again? MUSIC Scene 3. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] It was that moment that I fell for him. He didn't know who I was, but he wanted to give me a treat. I kept it up for a while, pretending to be just another secretary on vacation, not letting on. I felt so guilty, letting him pay for all those dinners, the gifts... TOM Kitten, this necklace is just aching to be around your neck. Hear it? [silly voice] Hey lady, take me home, I love you.... LYDIA [narrating, suddenly struck by something] Oh. [beat] No, no - never mind. TOM Don't you know that everything has a voice? Listen to the wind - it calls your name to me, telling me I gotta keep hold of you. Whattaya say, Kitten? Wanna make it permanent? MUSIC UNDER LYDIA [narrating, shaken] Yes, he DID say things like that - perhaps that was why... [beat] Tom worked late a lot - particularly after I told him I was - we were - wealthy. It was like he felt he had to make up for something. He never even introduced me to his family - just said he grew up dirt poor. I think he was ... ashamed. TOM [filter] Sorry, Kitten, but I gotta really burn some oil on this one. You understand, right? LYDIA Of course. [narrating] What else could I say, it was so sweet of him to worry. To want to make me proud. Scene 4. SOUND Candlestick phone hangs up. Footsteps walk away. PHONE [Male voice, filter] He's cheating on ya. LYDIA [panicked, slightly distant] What? Who? PHONE [filter] The husband. Tom. He calls HER all the time when you're out. You want her number? LYDIA Who is this? Where are you? PHONE [filter] Right over here, where I always am. LYDIA [getting more agitated] I don't see anyone! Is this some kind of game? SOUND Footsteps, hesitant, then dashing about. PHONE [filter] I wanted to show my appreciation, see, for not throwing me over when the new model came out - LYDIA What? Where are you? SOUND Door opens. LYDIA [muffled slightly] Hello? Where...? PHONE [filter] No one understands a classic any more. SOUND Door slams. LYDIA [sobbing] This is not funny! I don't know who you are, but you can just get out! PHONE [filter, very close] I'm right here. Look down. LYDIA [quavering] Wha-a-at? [relieved] Oh, the line must still be open. SOUND Candlestick phone picked up, taken off the hook, tap of cradle. LYDIA [loudly] This is not funny, whoever you are. I don't... SOUND Dial tone - continues in background until stated. LYDIA What...? PHONE [filter] I'm not ON your phone, lady. ... I AM your phone. SOUND Clatter of phone hitting floor, dial tone continues, but distant. PHONE [filter] Hey! I'm trying to help you here! LYDIA Nooo! SOUND Phone is kicked across floor. SOUND Dial tone stops. LYDIA [breathing hard] SOUND hesitant footsteps, continuing. PHONE [Unintelligible, distant whisper] LYDIA [whispered] How can you be talking? PHONE [whispered, wavering] Closer, come closer. LYDIA I'm... I'm sorry I kicked you. PHONE [moans, slightly closer] LYDIA Are you ... all right? PHONE [whispering] I gotta ... you need to hear this. SOUND Phone picked up from floor. LYDIA Yes, I'm listening. PHONE [shouting] Don't DO that! SOUND Phone hits floor again. MUSIC UNDER LYDIA [narrating, matter of fact] I felt so bad. But it wasn't hurt. They really built those old phones to last. And what it toldme...! PHONE Sunset 1-1-9-7. I don't know who she is, but what he says to her - whoo-wee. Scene 5. LYDIA [narrating] But how could I tell anyone? My PHONE spoke to me? I told THEM I got an anonymous call. And of course, the phone never used a name, so it wasn't precisely a LIE... TOM Kitten, I'm home! LYDIA Oh, yes. Tom. The phone line lothario. [calling away] Darling, was it a good meeting? TOM The best. [SOUND: KISS] Not better than coming home, though. LYDIA [neutral] Of course. TOM Oh, you're not mad, are you kitten? It's important that I do my time at the office, don't you see? Show everyone - show you - that I'm not just a... a... PHONE Gold digger. LYDIA What? TOM You know, a social climber. PHONE Gi-go-lo. LYDIA Did you hear that? TOM What? If it's the Joneses and their idiot record player again... LYDIA No. It's nothing. LYDIA [narrating] It wasn't nothing, of course. Soon, other supposedly inanimate objects began to have their little piece to say... Scene 6. SOUND water running SINK [cheery] Almost out of soap! And my drain will clog if you don't stop him from washing down his coffee grounds! LYDIA Him? SINK [significant, like a hint] Him. LYDIA [narrating] After the initial shock wore off, it was so EASY to listen. SOUND Click of light being turned on. LAMP [high squeaky voice] On! Better? LYDIA [startled] What? LAMP Are you going to read? Knit maybe? HE likes the dark. Especially when she's here. SOUND Light switched off. LAMP [voice now low] Off. Yep. Just like that. LYDIA [narrating] At first I thought I was crazy, but then I realized - if I was crazy, how could I know all the things they were telling me? SOUND plumping up pillows COUCH [seedy voice, out the corner of the mouth] I know who she is. SOUND Plumping stops, Lydiasits on couch. COUCH Hey, I didn't ask you to sit on me! LYDIA Oh! Who is she? COUCH I would recognize her from behind better, if you catch my drift... LYDIA You mean she actually sat on you - I mean on MY COUCH? COUCH You don't have to rub it in. LYDIA [narrating] I had to have it out with her. I COULDN'T just let this - this farce - go on, right under my nose and behind my back! PHONE Sunset 1-1-9-7? You got it. SOUND Phone dials. LYDIA What'll I say? PHONE I could tell you what HE says... SOUND Phone picks up. LYDIA Shut up! ALICE [filter] Well! SOUND Slams phone down. LYDIA This is hopeless. How can I find a person from her phone number? PHONE All you need is a good story. COUCH [off mike] I know a couple of good stories... PHONE & LYDIA Shut UP! LAMP [high squeaky voice] You tell 'em! Scene 7. SOUND Phone is dialed. Picked up. ALICE [filter] Hello? LYDIA [brisk, but clearly reading] Telegram for Sunset 1-1-9-7 - May I have your name please? ALICE [filter] White. Alice White. [concerned] A telegram? LYDIA Good. Miss White, can you confirm your address, in case we need to forward a copy to your home? ALICE [filter] What's the message? LYDIA I have to confirm your address, miss. The message is marked urgent. ALICE [filter, more worried] 24 Topham drive, floor 6. Now what-? SOUND phone hangs up. LYDIA & PHONE collapse into giggles. COUCH & LAMP laugh too. SINK [far off mike] What? What's so funny? MUSIC Scene 8. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] I went. I had to. I needed to see this cuckoo's egg. Alice White. What a name - plebian, that's what I call it. Strictly middle class. AND the elevator was broken in her building. SOUND Buzzer, door opens. LYDIA Alice- ALICE [friendly] -- White. And you? LYDIA [narrating] She was horrible. Horribly perfect - buttermilk complexion, flaxen hair... She should have been a dairymaid in one of those travel posters for Holland or Sweden - one of those places with dirndls and windmills and tulips. ALICE Can I help you? LYDIA [narrating] At least I had my story straight this time - my phone is VERY handy with a lie. [to Alice] I am here seeking donations to the Mid-Town Orphanage. Can you spare anything? [Narrating] From the looks of her - the threadbare, out of fashion dress, the tatty carpet in the hall, she was sure to laugh in my face- ALICE Oh, gosh... [going away] I'm sure I've got something. Hmm... here! [coming back] Can you maybe use this? LYDIA [numb] A lighter? ALICE I think it's real gold, and I don't smoke. I couldn't think what to do with it. LYDIA Won't... your husband... be annoyed? ALICE [giggles] Got none. Not yet. It was sort of a present - kind of like for emergency money, but I'd feel bad just selling it or throwing it out, but this sounds like a real good cause. LYDIA [narrating] I walked away with the gold lighter in my hand - the gold lighter I GAVE him for our honeymoon... LIGHTER [British accent] I say, don't I know you? LYDIA [narrating] I waited until we were alone. [to lighter, whispered] How did you get THERE? LIGHTER [whispering] Oh, this is jolly exciting, just like Scotland Yard... LYDIA Answer me! LIGHTER If you must take that tone! Young Thomas gifted me to her. I see almost as much of him here as I ever saw in his flat. LYDIA MY flat. LIGHTER Oh, like that is it? Well well well... MUSIC Scene 9. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] It was all true. And she was so darned NICE I couldn't even hate her. Just HIM. I felt like a character in a bad drama - the cheated wife. So alone... But I wasn't alone, you see. I had all of THEM. SOUND Door shuts, footsteps. LYDIA [off mike] Dear? Are you home? SOUND phone hanging up. TOM [on mike] You bet, Kitten! LYDIA Oh, good. I was afraid you'd forgotten-- PHONE You asked me to let you know if anything interesting happened? LYDIA ...our anniversary? PHONE He was just talking to ... HER. TOM Now what kind of a husband would that make me? PHONE A heel. [admonishing] On your anniversary. LYDIA [shaky] I need to ... to powder my... SOUND footsteps running away TOM Hunh. Women. PHONE You can say that again. SOUND door slams. NEW SCENE_9.5 LYDIA [crying] Oh, Tom! CLOSET Psst, over here. LYDIA What? Over where, Who is--? CLOSET I'm the one with the suits hanging in my rear, whaddaya think? LYDIA [sighs] Oh. [sniffs] SOUND footsteps LYDIA [weakly] Yes? CLOSET Check the top shelf. [annoyed] On his side! SOUND door opens. Boxes shift. Something metal is picked up. LYDIA A gun? When did Tom get a gun? TOM [off mike, muffled] Kitten, honey? We need to get shuffling. Are you powdered enough yet? LYDIA [calling] Almost! [whispered] When? Tell me! CLOSET What am I, a calendar? I don't know dates from donuts. LYDIA [frustrated noise] CLOSET But what I DO know is that that piece of hardware wasn't in me until... yesterday. LYDIA Yesterday? TOM [muffled, off mike] Kitten? I'm coming in! LYDIA Don't you dare! SOUND doorknob rattles, Lydia's running footsteps, door slams shut. LYDIA I'm - I'm wrapping your present, darling. You've got to give me a moment. TOM [pleased] Ohhhh. All right, I can wait. I hope it's a lighter - I've only been hinting ever since I lost that great one you gave me before. SOUND Gun cocks. LYDIA [muttered] I should give him the same one - see how he laughs at that. SOUND Footsteps back to closet. Boxes shift. LYDIA I think it was ... [grunt of effort] about there. GUN HEY!!! What are you, crazy? Never leave me lying around cocked! I could go off! MUSIC Scene 10. STING LYDIA [narrating] I thought about it for a long time. About the gun. About what it meant - being in Tom's closet and all. And I wondered if he could possibly be planning what I might think he was planning.... Even if he did intend to kill me, could I do something about it? Get him before he got me? I LOVED Tom. And he'd always been so sweet... PHONE Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. What you need is gumption, sweetheart. LYDIA Just because he's cheating doesn't mean he's planning to ... to-- PHONE To buy a gun? Too late. What else do you think he's NOT planning to do? LYDIA He wouldn't - couldn't - hurt me. Any more than I could hurt him-- SOUND door opens TOM Oh, hi! [puzzled] Hello? Kitten, who're you talking to? LYDIA [easily] Just the phone, dear. SOUND short smooch. LYDIA [narrating] I was getting rather good at lying. Almost as good as the phone - now, THERE was a champion. I guess it came from hearing all those lies... All the time. TOM [talking on phone] Bob? Listen, it's me, Tom Farnsworth. Yes, from Farnsworth & Wilson. Now, we need to talk... PHONE [over Tom, whispered] Funny, Bob's usually a fella's name... LYDIA [reacts] PHONE He's getting worse. You need to DO something. TOM [continues under Phone] Yes, that's right - tomorrow for lunch. ... Dinner instead? I think I can... Let me just check. [to Lydia] Kitten, can you spare me for dinner tomorrow? Big client... LYDIA [long beat] Of course. Dear. I have someone I really need to talk to anyway. [narrating] The next night, I knew where to find him. Unfortunately, I couldn't take any of my ... friends ... with me - except the lighter, and that accent was getting on my nerves. LIGHTER I say! Scene 11. LYDIA [snorts] But when you're like me, there's always someone around to answer questions... ELEVATOR ...about five minutes ago? Yeah, I know the guy. He's a regular. Sometimes I even take him up. LYDIA Are you working today? ELEVATOR [huffy] Whaddaya mean? I'm always working! LYDIA But the sign... ELEVATOR The super puts the sign up to save electricity - cheapskate. Now, if youknow how to run me up... LYDIA [deflated] I'm not sure... ELEVATOR Step in, it's pretty much automatic. SOUND elevator gate slides open ELEVATOR See the button there.... MUSIC UNDER LYDIA It's funny how every THING I ever talked to wanted to be so helpful, when all the people around me weren't. The elevator even gave me a little tip... ELEVATOR That little knob right there - that's what keeps the door shut when I'm not around. The spring pushes it out - and then, when I come up, it gets pushed in, and voila...! You don't want the door comin' open up here when I'm in the basement, eh? LYDIA Oh, no. SOUND DISTANT BELL. ELEVATOR Whoops! That's me. Would ya' get the door? I gotta go, sweetheart. LYDIA Oh? Oh, certainly. SOUND ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES. LYDIA I crept down the hall, ever so quiet. SOUND door opens TOM [off] ...right back - just need - [on mike] Oh. Lydia. LYDIA [deep breath] You needn't worry. I'm leaving. SOUND Sharp footsteps TOM Lydia. Kitten. It's not what you think! SOUND Tom's footsteps rush to catch up to her. LYDIA Stay away from me, Tom. TOM Just stop! LYDIA [reacts as Tom grabs her] Uh! Let go of me! SOUND Slight struggle. Lydia's footsteps running. LYDIA I had only one chance...I ran for the elevator. But the gate wouldn't open! I pushed and pushed-- SOUND Elevator door opens. Lydia's footsteps stop, Tom's footsteps catch up. TOM Let me-- LYDIA No! Let go! [sound of exertion, pushing him away] SOUND Tom's footsteps stagger, then... LYDIA Oh, no! It's NOT--! TOM [screams as he did at beginning] LYDIA And that was that. I tried to stop him from going over. At least I think I did, but it WAS my fault. ALICE [coming on mike, breathless] What...? Where's Tom? You're that lady-- LYDIA Tom? He's MY husband! How dare you-- ALICE [panicking] What have you done to Tom? Where's my brother? MUSIC Scene 12. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] And that's why I'm here. If he was cheating on me, I would have fought harder. Could have gotten away. But the look on that girl's face... My own sister-in-law. TOM [screams again] LYDIA Yes, and poor Tom. SOUND Gavel hits twice D.A. Your name please? LYDIA [condescending] Lydia Farnsworth - Everyone here knows that. D.A. And you are testifying in your own behalf of your own free will? LYDIA [testy] Yes, yes. D.A. You are on trial for the murder of your husband, Tom Farns- LYDIA I killed him. It was self-defense. I thought he was planning to kill me. D.A. What led you to think your husband had such designs? LYDIA [hesitant, lying] An anonymous phone call. [narrating] I suppose I could have admitted everything, made a plea for mercy on the grounds of insanity, but I-- TOM [screams again] LYDIA [narrating] I simply couldn't get Tom out of my head. I don't know how all these murderers do it, just kill people and walk away. SOUND Gavel bangs JUDGE Has the jury reached a verdict? FOREMAN We find the defendant ... guilty. LYDIA [resigned] I was relieved, actually. I believed I could face anything, since I would never really be alone. Even the judge's gavel had a kind word. ...Though not the judge. JUDGE For your heinous crimes, I hereby sentence you to death. CROWD [Reaction, gasps] MUSIC Scene 13. STING LYDIA I suppose it was only right - and I really had no reason to go on living, without [SOUND: same scream] Tom. Funny how I look back and see how badly mistaken we all were. It's far too easy to blow things right out of proportion. SOUND footsteps, cutlery set on plate. GUARD You done with that? LYDIA Yes, thank you. It was ... surprisingly tasty. GUARD It's time, then. Come on. SOUND jail door opens, footsteps slowly walk. VOICES [Whispers begin comforting at the start, build.] LYDIA [whispered] Thank you. Thank you all so much. GUARD What? LYDIA Nothing. [narrating] Everything is so encouraging, telling me how brave I am. I'm not brave, really, just ... just tired. GUARD Stop. SOUND KEYS JINGLE. LYDIA Such a relief, really. And then... I'll be with Tom. SOUND LOCK UNLOCKS. Scene 14. WHISPERS [fade out] LYDIA I didn't notice it immediately. My mind was miles away, thinking about how I would make it up to him - he'd certainly understand, about how it was really an accident and all. SOUND SQUEAKY DOORKNOB TURNS. LYDIA But the voices were gone. Even when I closed my eyes and concentrated, there was nothing. It left me feeling ... very ... alone. Oh, well, it wouldn't be for long. SOUND [DISTANT, OFF MIKE] PHONE RINGS. GUARD Stay here. LYDIA What? Of course. I've nowhere to go. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, phone picked up LYDIA Once I rejoined Tom, everything would be all right. I wouldn't NEED them - my friends - any more. Just him. GUARD [behind and under Lydia] Yeah? Who? LYDIA That's why I let it get this far. Fired my lawyer. Made no defense. Admitted everything. GUARD [behind and under] Uh-huh? Got it. LYDIA Just to bring me to this moment. And I wasn't afraid - no matter what this room, this horrible room, might have to say, I was ready. SOUND FOOTSTEPS COME BACK LYDIA And it wouldn't take long. Not long at all, they say. And then, [happy sigh] Tom. GUARD Come on. SOUND KEYS JINGLE LYDIA Well, it's about time. Isn't everyone waiting? GUARD [beat] Not any more, lady. SOUND LOCKING DOOR LYDIA You're an idiot. Open this door. GUARD I may be an idiot, but you're a loon. [beat] That was the governor. You've been commuted. Come on back... LYDIA [gasp, then sharp] Don't talk nonsense. [plaintive, ending in a wail] No! I can't be left all alone! You simply have to kill me! MUSIC

music women sound open funny fresh phone sweden dinner boy dear guard holland fired closer telegram i am couch whispers sunsets ko lie elevators darling boxes sink lamp footsteps picked strictly kitten lighter joneses knit music scene scotland yard admitted horribly wha talk the talk whaddaya my phone julie hoverson soundclick alice white tom you nocturne boulevard whattaya i gave my couch tom oh miss white

19 Nocturne Boulevard - DUPLICITY - Reissue of the week

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2022 27:40

Written by Julie Hoverson, loosely based on a story by O Henry (The Duplicity of Hargraves) An actor takes a chance to help out a friend. Cast List Hargraves - Charles Austin Miller Governor - Dave Marshall Lydia - Dawn Harvey Music by Enox Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Charles Austin Miller What kind of a place is it? Why it's an unfashionable residence hotel on a space station, can't you tell?" ************************************************ Duplicity [Loosely inspired by the Duplicity of Hargraves by O. Henry] Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Governor Pendleton, elderly man, slightly senile Lydia, his daughter Anthony Hargraves, the actor/Mac Bac OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a quaint old boarding hotel on a teensy out of the way unfashionable space platform, of the classic sci fi kind, can't you tell? MUSIC SCENE 1. AMB GOVERNOR'S HOME SOUND SCI FI DOORS SHUSHS OPEN GOVERNOR Anthony! So pleased to see you. Come right in. ANTHONY Thank you so much for having me, sir. SOUND DOOR SHUSHES SHUT GOVERNOR Have a seat. [commanding] Gamma mu? [beat, waiting] Gamma mu? [petulant] Where is that robot? LYDIA [coming in] Oh, father. I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you. Gamma Mu is in the shop. GOVERNOR That's preposterous! Back in my day, they built robots to last! LYDIA Gamma Mu is getting on in years, just as you are father. [choking up a bit] It should be back in working order in a couple of days. I - I think I smell something burning-- SOUND SHE DASHES OUT GOVERNOR [courtly again] If you will excuse me, Anthony, I shall have to go and fetch the drinks tray myself. ANTHONY Oh, please, don't bother yourself, Governor! I'm happy to do that. GOVERNOR You are a guest in my house, young man. ANTHONY And I am quite used to having to look after myself. [a chuckle] Besides, I'm sure Lydia has everything ready - it won't take any effort on my part at all. GOVERNOR She's a good girl. Too bad she never married. ANTHONY [agreeing, but not encouraging] Yes. SOUND DOOR SHUSHES OPEN, SHUT LYDIA [crying quietly in the background] ANTHONY Lydia? LYDIA [gasp, then trying to get over the crying jag, sniffling, wiping her face, etc. A couple of breaths, then an attempt to be cheery] Over here. SOUND HE TAKES A COUPLE OF STEPS. SOUND SHE PUTS GLASSES ON A TRY ANTHONY What's wrong? LYDIA [brittle, pretending cheer] Oh, Mr. Hargraves. What makes you think something's wrong? ANTHONY Lydia. If there's one thing any actor worth his salt learns before anything else, it's how to tell when someone is lying. LYDIA [sniffle, almost loses it] It's - it's not your problem. ANTHONY Will you let me help? Is it something about Gamma Mu? I mean, I know you've had that robot for years-- LYDIA [sudden rush of admission] I pawned it. ANTHONY What? LYDIA It's not broken. And it's not coming back. [heavy sigh] We needed the money. ANTHONY But your father's estates-- LYDIA Venus is in a recession. And the incomes simply can't keep up with the cost of living. Space station habitats are so expensive. ANTHONY You could-- go back to a surface home? LYDIA Hah. No place will have father, even now. We're just lucky that HERE, in a place so [distasteful] mercenary, no one cares about what he did any more. Hmph. If they ever did. ANTHONY He was never prosecuted. LYDIA He didn't do anything worse than any other territorial governor. He was ... made an example of. And, being father, he refused to unbend and let some PR firm mend his reputation. He truly believes he was, and always has been, in the right. ANTHONY [gentle] The Venusians see it differently. LYDIA [bitter] Oh, yes, take their side. ANTHONY I'm not! I just... once you've played both the good and the bad enough times, you start to see things from everyone's side. You simply can't help yourself. SOUND RATTLE OF GLASSES ON TRAY LYDIA [controlled again] Here. Father will be wondering where you got to. ANTHONY [cajoling] Lydia-- LYDIA [dismissing him] Mr. Hargraves. SOUND DOOR SHUSHES OPEN, SHUT LYDIA [heavy sigh] SOUND DOOR OPENS AGAIN IMMEDIATELY ANTHONY [rushing back in, hushed] How much? LYDIA What? SOUND DOOR SHUTS ANTHONY [normal volume] How much did you get for Gamma Mu? LYDIA [rueful laugh] Turns out the old Mu line are classics. Collectible. They gave me 200 credits. Would have been more, but I refused to sell it outright. [little sigh] Yet. ANTHONY You have hope of getting some money before the time is up? LYDIA Hope is what we live on. ...and memories. ANTHONY Hmm. [making a decision] Right. SOUND DOOR SHUSHES OPEN AGAIN GOVERNOR Where's Lydia? ANTHONY She - uh- wanted to freshen up. GOVERNOR [chuckles indulgently] "Put herself back together" as she says. As often as she needs to do that, you'd think the girl was as badly in need of replacement parts as our poor servo robot. ANTHONY [laughs] GOVERNOR More likely she just wants to leave you on your own to put up with my storytelling. ANTHONY Sir, I - GOVERNOR No, no. Until we made your acquaintance, young man, there was no one to tell my stories to but my poor dear Lydia, and saint that she is, she put up with it. ANTHONY [oh, come on] Sir! GOVERNOR That girl should have married, and left the nest, 20 years ago. [sadly, drifting into memory] But after all that happened-- ANTHONY Why don't you make us your famous Venusian aperitifs, sir? GOVERNOR [brought back with a tiny gasp] Ah? [befuddled] Oh, yes. I was about to do that, wasn't I? ANTHONY No one makes them like you do, sir. GOVERNOR Of course not! I invented the drink. Everyone nowadays makes these with an extract of Venusian basil - or god forbid synthetic - But I must have the real thing or nothing. [musing again] Lydia somehow always manages to have a pinch or two ready for me, no matter the cost. ANTHONY She is very concerned about your comfort. Shows a great deal of character. SOUND DOOR SHUSHES OPEN GOVERNOR What is it you actors say? "As if on cue?" [chuckles indulgently] ANTHONY [chuckles] GOVERNOR My dear, will you join us? LYDIA I already have a drink of my own, but I might stay and keep you gentlemen company -- for a little while. ANTHONY Certainly! GOVERNOR Capital. I shall make us just the two, then. ANTHONY As many times as you've treated me to these, I should definitely reciprocate. GOVERNOR Nonsense. ANTHONY Or at least bring you some of the basil? GOVERNOR No, no. Hospitality is what you give freely, with no thought of reciprocation. Otherwise it becomes merely [disgusted] commerce. ANTHONY I see. LYDIA [changing the subject] You said you had a new show going up soon, Anthony? ANTHONY Oh, yes. LYDIA [teasing a little] And what are you playing this week? ANTHONY Guess. [cuts them off with a sharp intake of breath] But I will warn you it has more than four limbs. LYDIA [laughs] You and your alien roles. Is it just the one extra, like the Venusians, or the full complement of a Martian? ANTHONY Actually, this time I'm from Pluto. GOVERNOR Plutonians? But they never come this close to the sun! ANTHONY Artistic license. The story is a murder mystery set at a diplomatic event near the asteroid belt. GOVERNOR [amused] What will they come up with next? LYDIA I can understand why you have to double for a plutonian, but why not get real Martians to play Martians and real Venusians to play Venusians? ANTHONY Martians don't like being too close to humans, say we smell too unpleasant. For moving pictures, you can still shoot scenes in pieces and clip them together, but in stage work it doesn't go at all. LYDIA And all the extra body mass? ANTHONY Elementary rotoscoping replacement on film, Padding and exoskeleton on stage. Simple servo mechanical movements. And of course the voice changer. GOVERNOR [half asleep] Wonder of wonders. ANTHONY And most people have only seen them - either Venusians or martians - on screen. LYDIA But isn't that expensive? ANTHONY Well, if all else fails, if there's just the one extra arm, you stick it in a sling and pretend it is broken. LYDIA [laughs for real] GOVERNOR [splutters a bit, waking, then] That is just what I like to hear, my dear. ANTHONY The problem with using real Venusians in any kind of show - well, their artistic culture is one of unfettered improvisation and sudden impulse - they haven't really adjusted to the concept of scripted material. [realizing he's getting into potentially bad territory] They've ... only dealt with a written language... for a very short time. GOVERNOR [sigh, then regretful] That was one of the reasons for such a debate about accepting them as a truly sentient and evolved species. ANTHONY [eager] Yes? GOVERNOR Having some form of recordation of history and science - we don't include fiction as being necessary for sentience, you understand? ANTHONY [joking] A lot of people don't. GOVERNOR [slight indulgent chuckle] You see, as they had no recording system that we could fathom, it was hard to be entirely certain that they weren't simply bright, imitative animals. ANTHONY Which was why you were put in charge of the planet. GOVERNOR I ran a tight ship, and made that planet [sigh, reminiscing fondly] one of the most profitable in the entire solar system. MUSIC SCENE 2. AMB GOVERNOR'S HOME GOVERNOR [querulous] Where's young Anthony got to? Haven't seen him in weeks. LYDIA [amused] He's been filming again, papa. And he's not precisely "young". He's my age. GOVERNOR Yes, I have been meaning to talk to you about that. You could do worse than that young fellow. LYDIA Papa! GOVERNOR Actor or not, he's a fine young man. Knows how to treat his elders properly. Shows respect. [i] Like him. LYDIA Father, I am hardly young either, I-- GOVERNOR Should have married and left the nest a donkey's years back. Precisely. LYDIA I can't leave you alone, papa. [trying to be funny, but starting to sound teary] At least not until they fix the robot. GOVERNOR [gently] You mean at least not until I have gone on to a better place, don't you? LYDIA [almost crying] Papa! GOVERNOR I am old, my child, and I realize that there will come an end. Not today, or tomorrow, but I don't want to see you spending your time in regrets because you clung to this sinking spar when you could have been taken off in a lifeboat. [Silence] LYDIA [trying to change the subject] I'm sure... Anthony will come back and visit again soon. GOVERNOR [befuddled now] What was it you said he was doing? LYDIA [relieved] Filming, papa. He said he'd be gone for a month while they made a movie. GOVERNOR Will we be able to see it? LYDIA If it broadcasts on one of the stations we can receive. GOVERNOR [grumbling] Used to be more channels. I swear I recall- LYDIA Yes papa! There were, but most of them have become so ... violent and unpleasant. I canceled them. GOVERNOR You are such a sensitive young lady. LYDIA [deep sigh, melancholy] Yes. MUSIC SCENE 3. AMB GOVERNOR'S HOME SOUND CLEANING, WASH BUCKET SOUND SPACE AGE DOORBELL LYDIA Huh? SOUND FEET, INTERCOM LYDIA Who is it? ANTHONY [on intercom] Me! I mean Mr. Hargraves. I just got back and have a copy of my new film. I thought I might bring it over and show it to you - you both. LYDIA You can't come in now! Neither of us is ... prepared to see company. You know how papa insists on being in full governor regalia to entertain! ANTHONY Gosh, I'm sorry! I only wanted to surprise you. LYDIA Surprise us again in an hour, if you please. ANTHONY [laughing] Anything to oblige a lady! SOUND INTERCOM OFF. LYDIA Oh, goodness. How will I ever get the cleaning finished? SOUND HURRIES AWAY LYDIA [off slightly] Papa? You might wish to prepare yourself for company! MUSIC SCENE 4. AMB GOVERNOR'S HOME SOUND TV TURNS ON, TUBE WARMS UP GOVERNOR [querulous] What was this movie about? ANTHONY [eager] You'll just have to see. I think you'll like it. SOUND MUSIC CHANGES GOVERNOR Oh, my. The old place. ANTHONY They found some cracking stock footage. GOVERNOR Can you make it a bit bigger? My eyes aren't what they once were. ANTHONY [really proud] Absolutely sir. I want you to be able to see this! ANNOUNCER Many people think they know about the early days of the Venus colony, but all they really know is the rumors. GOVERNOR [a bit annoyed] What? LYDIA Oh, no. ANTHONY Shh-shh! This is the good part! ANTHONY [on screen, sounding exactly like the Governor] Hospitality is what you give freely, with no thought of reciprocation. Otherwise it becomes merely [disgusted] commerce. GOVERNOR [low growl] What have you done? ANTHONY [completely surprised] Sir? ANTHONY [on screen] I invented this drink, you know. GOVERNOR Get out! ANTHONY You don't understand! All I wanted to do was show the reality under all the terrible stories that people bandied about - show the humanity! GOVERNOR Get OUT! LYDIA You had better go. ANTHONY At least let me reward you for the help you gave me - even though you didn't know you were doing it. GOVERNOR Are you insinuating you will pay me for this impersonation? For stealing my -my - entire ---[splutters] LYDIA Shh! Shh! Father. [a little frantic] Mr. Hargraves, you are no longer welcome in this house. Leave! SOUND DOOR SHUSHES OPEN SOUND HE TAKES A COUPLE OF STEPS GOVERNOR [off slightly] For this LAMPOON! ANTHONY [wince noise] [quiet] Lydia? LYDIA Don't! ANTHONY I thought this would be a way to help you. Both of you. LYDIA [quietly furious] Help? By driving papa into a veritable fit? Go! MUSIC SCENE 5. AMB GOVERNOR'S HOME GOVERNOR [sounding weaker] Lydia? LYDIA [worried] Yes, Papa? GOVERNOR Lydia? Hasn't young Anthony visited? LYDIA No, papa. [lying] He - he's been away for the last week, filming. GOVERNOR Again? Did we see his last film? LYDIA Yes, papa. It was very nice. GOVERNOR Good, good. He's a nice young man. You could do worse. LYDIA I know, papa. SOUND DOORBELL GOVERNOR Who's there? LYDIA I'll go and see. GOVERNOR Are we expecting someone? Is that why I'm in my uniform? LYDIA [whispered aside] I just thought it might make you feel better. [up] We weren't expecting anyone so early. SOUND INTERCOM ON LYDIA Hello? MAC BAC [alien voice] Greetings. Is this the living place of Previous Governor Pendleton? LYDIA [panicky] Oh! what now? SOUND PUSHES BUTTON LYDIA [Striving to keep calm] This - um - yes - this is the place you are looking for. MAC BAC Is the Previous Governor available? I would like to speak with him. LYDIA He's not feeling well today-- GOVERNOR [more perky sounding] Lydia? Is that a Venusian voice. How interesting! Let's see what the green fellow has to say for himself, eh? LYDIA [sigh] Yes papa. SOUND INTERCOM ON LYDIA Please come in. SOUND DOOR SHUSHES OPEN SOUND WEIRD NOISE OF STRANGE MOVEMENT AS IT ENTERS. GOVERNOR [grunt as he gets up] LYDIA Papa! You don't have to--! GOVERNOR Nonsense. It is only common courtesy to meet a guest on your feet. [up] Greetings. May I ask what occasions this visit? You are very far from your home world. MAC BAC Many years have passed, previous governor. And yet you have not changed so much. Do you not recall Mac Bac? This one was an aide in the mansion. LYDIA [surprised] Oh! GOVERNOR My stars! Yes! Oh, Mac Bac. [delighted] I never thought to see anyone from those days again. Why don't you-- [falters] LYDIA [hurriedly picks up] Would you like a bench to accommodate your form? MAC BAC This one would be most grateful. GOVERNOR Would you be a dear and bring us some refreshment, Lydia? LYDIA Certainly. SOUND BUSTLES OUT GOVERNOR Now that we are alone, what is it that brought you here? MAC BAC This one has come to repay a debt, previous governor. GOVERNOR A debt? I cannot think of anything-- MAC BAC When your office made your departure, you gifted Mac Bac with a number of items. GOVERNOR Oh, yes.... I seem to remember... MAC BAC Among those was a vehicle, given as you could not transport it off planet. GOVERNOR Yes! Now I recall. I apologize for my forgetfulness, but it has been a very long time. MAC BAC This visit is to repay that gift. GOVERNOR Repay? MAC BAC The previous governor said at the time that if a gift was unacceptable, the vehicle could be considered a loan to be repaid at a later date. Many years have passed, for the previous governor's location is not easily uncovered. GOVERNOR [truly touched] And you came all this way to pay me for my old hovercar? MAC BAC The vehicle became the center of a profitable business, transporting visiting dignitaries. After some years, more vehicles, more transporting. Mac Bac has become very comfortable, as you say, and it came upon this one a desire to travel. Travel without purpose is enjoyable, but achieving a goal is more so. GOVERNOR [slightly condescending] You have come a long way to pay back such a slight debt. The car couldn't have been worth more than a hundred credits. MAC BAC Considered as a loan, or even an investment in the business of Mac Bac, this hundred credits has grown like a precocious fern monkey over the past many years. LYDIA How much? GOVERNOR Do not be crude, dear. Never mind the amount, it is the thought that is important. Whatever you feel is necessary to pay, Mac Bac, will be more than enough. MAC BAC This one has had the tabulations done, and this is the amount which is correct. SOUND METAL SET DOWN LYDIA [gasp] GOVERNOR B-but Mac Bac-- MAC BAC One Thousand credits. GOVERNOR But surely you-- MAC BAC Mac Bac does not take charity. This one must even all debts before end of life comes, or debts will follow to next world. GOVERNOR Oh. Yes. We are all getting a bit old, are we not? LYDIA Father! GOVERNOR Lydia, why don't you go and do something for yourself and leave us old fellows to talk. I'm quite certain that we shall bore you to tears with our stuffy old stories. Eh, Mac Bac? MAC BAC Indeed. Old times become very close when one approaches the fading of the light. MUSIC SCENE 6. AMB HUSHED CROWD SOUND QUICK WOMAN'S FOOTSTEPS, SHUSH OF DOOR LYDIA [crying] SOUND DOOR SHUSHES SHUT LYDIA Oh, father what will I-- [cuts off with a gasp] ANTHONY Lydia! I'm so sorry I'm late. I didn't hear until Wednesday, and I couldn't get transport. LYDIA You're here? Even after father drove you out? ANTHONY I can't begrudge him his pride. I just hope that he might have forgiven me, at the end. LYDIA I think-- I'm sure he forgot the entire incident. ANTHONY [sad realization] Forgot. Yes. LYDIA He would have forgiven you, though! Father was never a vindictive man. ANTHONY You, at least, know I never meant the play as any kind of insult. LYDIA I - I guess. I never got to see more than that opening. He was so furious. ANTHONY But you - you will forgive me, won't you? I would be mortified if we couldn't get past this. LYDIA I... [small self-deprecating laugh] I can't stay mad at you. And I certainly don't have so many friends that I can throw one away over such a ... trifle. ANTHONY Good. LYDIA And... and from the little I did see-- [trails off] ANTHONY Yes? LYDIA [uncomfortable, blushing] Oh, just that you did a very good - you did the acting very well. ANTHONY [warm] I'm glad you didn't hate it. LYDIA Of course I didn't! Don't tease so! ANTHONY I promise. [beat, changing subject] Well. At least he had some good days, there at the end. [prompting] And you look like things are going a little better. Was that Gamma mu I saw, standing by the casket? LYDIA [pleased but sad] Yes. We were very lucky. Father came into some unexpected money. ANTHONY [way too pleased] I know. LYDIA What? How did you hear? ANTHONY [eager] You really didn't know? LYDIA [horrified realization] You - you paid that Venusian! ANTHONY [barely contained excitement] Oh, you really underestimate me, Lydia. Didn't you believe me when I said I do very well in alien roles? CLOSING

19 Nocturne Boulevard - The Leech - Reissue

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2022 45:26

Adapted by Julie Hoverson from a story by Phillips Barbee (pseudonym of Robert Sheckley) Published in Galaxy Science Fiction, December 1952 Classic era science fiction about a very odd visitor from outer space. Cast List Professor Michaels - Grant Baciocco (Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd) Frank Connors - Bryan Hendrickson Mrs. Jones - Kimberly Poole (Warp'd Space) Sheriff Flynn - Glen Hallstrom General O'Donnell - Chuck Burke Allenson, scientist - Cary Ayers Moriarty, physicist - Eleiece Krawiec Brigadier-General - H. Keith Lyons Driver - Cary Ayers Soldier1 - John Carroll Soldier2 - Lothar Tuppan Pilot - Mark Olson The Leech - Suzanne Dunn, Will Watt, James Sedgwick, Julie Hoverson Many thanks to Project Gutenberg and Librivox for curating these classic stories. [Link to The Leech in short sci fi collection 24 at Librivox] Music by misterscott99 [Thanx to Steve Guy for suggesting searching YouTube for a Theramin artist!!] Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a cabin in upstate New York, can't you tell?" ************************************************ The Leech By Phillips Barbee (Robert Sheckley), Galaxy Science Fiction December 1952 Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] The Leech Frank Connors, assistant Professor Michaels, anthropologist Mrs. Jones, housekeeper Sheriff Flynn / Jerry General O'Donnell / driver Allenson, scientist Moriarty, atomic physicist [bring in the leech voice, subtle, under the opening credits] LEECH A LEECH hungry. Empty. hungry. Empty. hungry. hungry. Empty [repeats under] OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a professor's rural retreat, circa 1952, can't you tell? LEECH falling falling falling heat impact FOOD! ...eat. MUSIC STING 1_BIG NEWS AMBIANCE OUTDOORS, BREEZE, CREAK OF HAMMOCK SOUND [OFF A BIT] KNOCK ON DOOR, SCREEN DOOR OPENS MRS. JONES What? FRANK Where's the prof? I have to talk to him! MRS. JONES You can give me his mail, young man. FRANK But this is big news! MRS. JONES If it's school business-- FRANK It's not! MRS. JONES It can still wait. This is Professor Michaels' resting week, and you know it. SOUND SCREEN DOOR SLAMS MRS. JONES [fading out] Bad enough those army convoys have to drive by at all hours of the day and night. FRANK Wait! Oh, heck. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS ON WOOD PROF [sigh] [calling] Conners? What the devil are you on about? SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL FRANK Oh! Professor! Say - I'm awfully sorry to disturb you, but there's something damn funny out in the ditch. PROF Ditch? SOUND DOOR OPENS MRS. JONES Oh, you! I told him to go, professor! PROF It's all right, Mrs. Jones. I'll handle this. MRS. JONES Dinner in half an hour! You know how you get when you don't eat. SOUND DOOR SHUTS FRANK So, the ditch. Didja hear me? There's something weird. PROF Of course I heard you. [sigh] You found a pixie. Feed him some milk, and go away. FRANK No sir, I think it's a... a rock. PROF A rock. In the road. How quaint. FRANK But sir-- PROF [annoyed, but languid] What is your job, Frank? FRANK Sir? PROF If you don't know, then perhaps I should hire someone else. FRANK I'm to keep everyone off you while you relax. See to the mail, the shopping. PROF And does any of that involve spotting "rocks"? FRANK No. PROF Warning me of rocks? FRANK No. PROF Protecting me from rocks? FRANK No, but-- PROF So move the rock and get on with your-- FRANK But sir, I tried! See? SOUND SHOVEL MOVEMENT PROF [sigh] what? [sharper] What? SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN MRS. JONES What on god's green earth did you do to my shovel, young man? FRANK I didn't do anything. The rock thing did! MUSIC LEECH B SOUND [UNDER] FEET ON GRAVEL LEECH food dull food warm light FOOD cold dark food slow food sloooooow... MUSIC 2_THE LEECH AMBIANCE OUTDOORS SOUND WALKING QUICKLY FRANK [a bit breathless] I really wouldn't have bothered you for just nothing, but look! SOUND DOINK ON METAL FRANK Two inches! It melted two inches right off! SOUND FEET HALT PROF [incredulous] That? FRANK That! You can see it better from up close. PROF Shh! SOUND SLOWER FOOTSTEPS PROF [whispered] Do you hear anything? FRANK [whispered] No. I mean, not beyond birds and things. PROF [grim] Neither do I. FRANK So? PROF [brighter] Well, it's indicative of something, isn't it? SOUND BRISKER FOOTSTEPS PROF You have a notebook on you? FRANK No. PROF Anything to write on? FRANK Uh, no. Just - just your mail. PROF Here. SOUND SHUFFLE ENVELOPES PROF No... no... no... Ah. Here. They won't notice if I don't respond. SOUND SLAPS PAPER INTO HAND FRANK Okay. PROF We have what appears to be a round item of a stone-like appearance. Greyish-black and striated. SOUND JUGGLE SHOVEL, WRITING NOISES FRANK Gotcha. PROF [dictating] Sitting in the ditch. Nearest edge, say, three feet off the road. FRANK It's a bit farther than that, isn't it? PROF I wouldn't say so. FRANK [acquiescing] Okay. PROF About the size of a truck tire. FRANK No, really now, I think you have your proportions mixed up... SOUND WALKS FORWARD FRANK [dismayed] Oh. PROF What? Think I'm getting senile or something? FRANK No, just... PROF "Just" is not quantifiable. Just spit it out. FRANK It was smaller. Before. PROF How much smaller? FRANK I dunno - an inch maybe. But definitely smaller. PROF Find me a stick. FRANK A... stick? PROF Here. [give me that] SOUND TAKES SHOVEL FRANK Don't touch it! PROF I'm not planning to. Not yet. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS, DRAGGING SOUND PROF As you observe, I am drawing a line approximately three inches beyond the edge of the thing. FRANK [noting] Three inches. Got it. PROF Now, we'll have something to measure by in case it grows again. FRANK Right. PROF Now. Let's see what happens. SOUND METAL ON STONE - SORT OF SOUND SIZZLING NOISE PROF It's not unyielding - the shovel seems to sink in-- FRANK Oh no it's not! SOUND SCRAPE PROF What? Aha! You're right. It's not sinking in, it's being melted away. Gives the same impression. Odd how the mind interprets things.... FRANK I think it just got bigger. PROF Really? FRANK I was watching, and I think it swelled a little. PROF Could be heat waves. I suspect something like this would reflect like asphalt. But let's test it. The shovel's not good for much any more anyway. SOUND METAL ON STONE GRATE, SIZZLING FRANK Don't touch it! PROF My hand is nowhere near touching it. I merely want to see... FRANK Look! It's getting larger! I can see it! SOUND WOOD ON STONE PROF [impressed] Well! [clinical] But it generates no appreciable heat. Odd. I would assume some sort of acidic chemical reaction, which would almost invariably generate heat. FRANK And it grew! Just a fraction of an inch-- PROF I was paying attention to other things. [sigh] SOUND WOOD LANDS ON STONE, SIZZLING FRANK D'you see it swelling? PROF I doubt there was enough left of that handle to do much. What else--? FRANK Rocks? PROF Sound thinking. SOUND PICK UP SOME ROCKS, DROP THEM, SIZZLE FRANK Isn't that just about the damnedest thing you ever saw, Professor? What do you think it is? PROF It's no stone... I'm going to phone the college and ask a physics man about it. Or a biologist. I'd like to get rid of that thing before it spoils my lawn. MUSIC LEECH C LEECH food sharp food fall food lie food move moist food dry food grow food air grow bigger grow.... wake! MUSIC 3_BACON AMBIANCE IN PROF'S HOUSE SOUND DISTANT POUNDING ON DOOR MRS. JONES What is it? SOUND BUSTLING THROUGH HOUSE SOUND DOOR YANKED OPEN MRS. JONES You better have a brilliant explanation for this-- FRANK Absolutely vital. Professor Michaels knows‑‑ PROF I'm coming. It had better be particularly important to drag me away from Mrs. Jones' bacon. MRS. JONES [amused annoyance] And Mrs. Jones better leave you boys to your business and see to her bacon before it all burns away. SOUND BUSTLES OFF FRANK It's nearly eighteen feet across! PROF The thing? FRANK Yup! PROF I was trying some acids on it yesterday, and nothing seemed to even ruffle it. FRANK None of them? PROF Nope. I'll finagle a bacon sandwich or two and we'll head out presently. MUSIC LEECH D LEECH so small. how is one so small. one was large. one was grand. Miniscule now. Hungry. sooooo hungry. food is slow. Dull. Eat... MUSIC 4_SHERIFF AMBIANCE OUTDOORS, AT THE SITE FRANK See what I mean? PROF Seems the larger it gets, the faster it grows. Not surprising, if what I suspect is happening is true. FRANK What's that? PROF Say it absorbs whatever it touches. The more surface area, the more it can touch, the more it can absorb. FRANK That's not good. It's like some kind of... of leech. PROF I don't know that I would characterize it so narrowly just yet, Frank-- SOUND CAR DRIVES UP, STOPS FRANK Morning Sheriff! SHERIFF Morning. What the devil is this? PROF Don't know. Just showed up. SHERIFF Ha. Ha. We gotta get it out of the road! Something like this, you can't let it block the road. The Army's gotta use this road. FRANK We didn't-- PROF Shh. [up, dry] Terribly sorry. Go right ahead and move it, Sheriff. But be careful. It's hot. FRANK [quiet] Hot? PROF [quiet] Close enough. SHERIFF Should just be able to-- SOUND OPENS TRUNK SHERIFF Where is the--? FRANK [quiet] Shouldn't we warn him? PROF [quiet] We'll stop him if he goes to touch it. But if he doesn't see for himself, he'll never buy it. FRANK Oh. MUSIC LEECH E SOUND [UNDER] METAL HITTING STONE, GUNSHOTS SHERIFF [frustrated noise] LEECH slow food. fast! energy impact. ahhhhhh. more. more hit. more energy. give! MUSIC 5_MONKEY'S UNCLE AMBIANCE OUTDOORS, AT THE SITE SHERIFF Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. PROF [quiet] That would make deputy Jerry, there, "cheetah". FRANK [snickers] PROF Ready to listen yet, sheriff? SOUND ARMY CONVOY APPROACHING SHERIFF What? Hey look! NOW we'll get some action! PROF [quiet] That's rather what I'm afraid of. MUSIC LEECH F SOUND [UNDER] CONVOY STOPS, IDLES, DOORS OPEN, ETC. LEECH more energy. more food. need. senses very dim. Thoughts very dim. grow. waken more. food. MUSIC 6_ARMY AMBIANCE OUTDOORS, AT THE SITE O'DONNELL You can't block this road. Clear that away. PROF Sorry. It's not ours. And we can't seem to do anything with it. O'DONNELL What in sam hill is it? FRANK A leech. SHERIFF A what? PROF [annoyed but covering] Simply a name to refer to it by - we have no real idea what it is. O'DONNELL But you've tried moving it? PROF Every way we could think of. O'DONNELL Crowbar? FRANK Didn't help. O'DONNELL Blowtorch? PROF More or less. No effect. O'DONNELL Gunshot? SHERIFF Sad to say... O'DONNELL [calling orders] Driver? Ride over that thing. FRANK But sir! PROF Shh. SOUND JEEP STARTS INTO GEAR FRANK [to prof] We have to stop him! PROF You thought the sheriff was bad, having to see it first? This is the military. FRANK Oh. SOUND JEEP ROLLS FORWARD SLOWLY, TAKES A BUMP, THEN HALTS, SIZZLING SNEAKS IN, UNDER. O'DONNELL [bellowing] I didn't tell you to stop! DRIVER I didn't stop it, sir! O'DONNELL Get moving! DRIVER It's stalled out sir! PROF General? Pardon me, but if you look closely, you'll see that the tires are melting down. SOUND POP, HISS OF TIRE FRANK Yikes! O'DONNELL Criminee! [orders] Driver! Jump clear! Don't touch any of that grey stuff! MUSIC LEECH G SOUND [UNDER] DRIVER CLIMBS ONTO HOOD OF CAR AND JUMPS LEECH large food. energy. much movement. nice. hungry. more large? Need food. waking waking... more self, more hungry. need food MUSIC 7_JEEP AMBIANCE OUTDOORS, AT THE SITE SOUND CAR SLOWLY SINKING INTO THE THING, MUCH SIZZLING DRIVER It's up to the chassis already! O'DONNELL How fast can it eat? PROF [quiet] you are keeping track aren't you? FRANK Sure thing, professor! It's been about three minutes, give or take a few. PROF Make a note - Frank needs a stopwatch. FRANK Oh. Ok. Right. SOUND SCRIBBLING O'DONNELL You called this thing a leech, professor? PROF As I said, it is nothing but a name to refer to it by. O'DONNELL But it is leeching, far as I can tell - eating anything that gets near it. PROF Which bodes rather ill for the underside. O'DONNELL Whazzat? PROF You're only thinking about things that get near it on the top - who knows how far below this thing may have eaten away the dirt, or even the bedrock. FRANK Dirt and stones do seem to digest a bit slower. O'DONNELL You've been experimenting with it, eh? Did you by any chance MAKE this thing with one of your experiments, professor? PROF [sigh] First, general, I am not that type of scientist. I am a professor of anthropology. I do, however, understand scientific method and felt that if we established some parameters up front, such as rate of growth, speed of dissolution, etc., we might be able to more easily convince some of my hard science colleagues to come and have a look. O'DONNELL [after a pause] So you say. SOUND MARCHES OFF FRANK You did that on purpose, didn't you? PROF [over innocent] did what? FRANK Oh, no - don't play innocent! I've seen you lecture someone til their eyes glazed over, before this! PROF [chuckle] DRIVER [background] There goes the aerial! SOUND SIZZLING OUT O'DONNELL [commands, off] You! DRIVER Sir! Yes sir! O'DONNELL [commands, off] Go back and have some men bring up hand grenades and dynamite! DRIVER Yes sir! FRANK That will get it! PROF I am not so sure. O'DONNELL [from off, yelling to prof] I don't know what you've got here, but it's not going to stop a U.S. Army convoy! PROF I pray he's right. MUSIC LEECH H SOUND UNDER EXPLOSIONS - HAND GRENADES AND DYNAMITE LEECH waking more. thinking more. sensing more. hungry. [boom] food! yes yes food! [boom] Ahhhhh eat and grow. [bullets] mass and movement. energy. more. yes. please! [huge explosion] yesssssss! MUSIC 8_EVACUATE AMBIANCE OUTDOORS, NEAR PROF'S HOUSE SOUND WOOD CRACKING THROUGHOUT UNDER MRS. JONES Well, I never. PROF Did you get everything moved out all right? MRS. JONES Well, yes, but I've cooked for you in that very house for nearly ten years now. Where am I supposed to feel at home? Where are you? [supposed to feel at home] PROF [muttered] That may not be a problem for long. SOUND HUGE CRACK, SHATTER OF GLASS MRS. JONES There goes the front porch! Who would have thought such a terrible thing could spread so darn far? PROF The government surely didn't. MRS. JONES It looks like one of them - what's the word? Blasted heath. Yes. That's exactly what a blasted heath would look like. PROF [musing] Or a cooled lava flow. [snapping out] Either way, it's pretty darn blasted. MRS. JONES Blasted leech. SOUND FEET ARRIVING PROF I do wish people would stop calling it that. SOLDIER Pardon me, sir? General O'Donnell would like to see you at the command post. PROF Right. I already know the end to this little melodrama. [to soldier] See to it Mrs. Jones gets back to the city, will you? SOLDIER Sir, I'm supposed to escort you-- PROF But I know where I'm going. She does not. SOLDIER Yes, sir! MUSIC LEECH I SOUND CRUSHING HOUSE UNDER LEECH slow food. want fast food. more awake now. why no more fast come. good energy. big food. hungry. more food make more pieces. more pieces make more hungry. more hungry wants more food. MUSIC 9_PERIMETER AMBIANCE OUTDOORS, AT THE EDGE OF THE LARGER SITE SOUND CROWD NOISE, FADING IN PROF What's that over there? SOLDIER2 Perimeter. Barbed wire. Half mile out. PROF I doubt the barbed wire is making all that noise. SOLDIER2 Oh, them. Reporters. Rubberneckers. FRANK [calling from off] Professor! PROF Assistants. SOLDIER2 You need assistance? PROF Just my assistant. Let him in would you? SOLDIER2 I don't have any orders-- PROF Well, he takes all my notes, so I guess I'll have to stay within earshot. Which ends about here. SOLDIER2 But the general-- PROF Will it be easier to move the general, or my assistant, do you think? SOLDIER2 Um... MUSIC 10_HQ AMBIANCE INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT SOUND TENT FLAP SWOOP, PROF AND FRANK ENTER TENT O'DONNELL I've been put in charge of operation leech. Ah, professor... and...? PROF My assistant. He is also the one who found this thing in the first place. Absolutely indispensable. FRANK Hi. O'DONNELL Is he trustworthy? PROF Think of him as my right arm. FRANK The one he writes with. O'DONNELL You're a professor, right? PROF Yes. Anthropology. O'DONNELL Good. I'd like you to stay around in an advisory capacity. I'd appreciate your observations on the... enemy. PROF I think this is more in the line of a physicist or a biochemist. O'DONNELL I don't want this place cluttered up with scientists. FRANK But he isn't-- O'DONNELL Don't get me wrong. I have the greatest appreciation for science. I am, if I do say so, a scientific soldier. I'm always interested in the latest weapons. You can't fight any kind of a war any more without science. PROF Of course not. O'DONNELL But I can't have a team of longhairs poking around this thing for the next month, holding me up. My job is to destroy it, by any means in my power, and at once. I am going to do just that. PROF I don't think it will be that easy. O'DONNELL That's what you're here for. Tell me what the problem is, and I'll figure out how to solve it. FRANK [muttered] Usually a scientist's job. PROF Very well. As far as I can figure out, this thing-- O'DONNELL The leech. PROF It isn't really-- O'DONNELL It's the codename. FRANK [muttered] I'm the one who called it that in the first place. PROF The "leech" appears to be an organic mass-energy converter, and a frighteningly efficient one. I'm guessing here, and keep in mind that this is really not my-- O'DONNELL Get on with it. PROF It appears to convert external mass into energy, then back into its own internal mass. Energy is directly converted into the body mass. How this takes place, I do not know. The leech is not protoplasmic. It may not even be cellular-- O'DONNELL So we need something big against it. That's all right, then. I've got plenty of big stuff here. FRANK Oh boy! PROF I don't think you understand me. Let me rephrase. [intense] The leech eats energy! It will consume any energy weapon you use against it. O'DONNELL [considering] And what happens if it keeps on eating? PROF I think it will only be limited by its food source. O'DONNELL So when it runs out, we'll all be safe? PROF When it runs out, we'll all be gone. MUSIC LEECH J LEECH senses growing. Feel moving food. Sitting food. Food near. Food far. Waiting for food to come near. Hungrrrrry. MUSIC 11_NEED HELP AMBIANCE INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT PROF I insist you contact some physicists. Biologists and chemists too. Give them a chance to figure out how to nullify it. I can give you some names. O'DONNELL I don't have time to wait while a passel of scientists wrangle! I have this axiom - Muster enough force, and anything will give. Anything. FRANK [muttered] Military thinking. O'DONNELL [pleased] Thanks. PROF [sigh] But I am not that kind of-- O'DONNELL Don't sell yourself short, Prof! And don't underestimate the army. We have, massed under North Hill - right over there - the greatest accumulation of energy and radioactive weapons ever assembled in one spot. I bet even this leech won't withstand the full force of all that. FRANK [worried] Professor? PROF [doubtful] I suppose it could be possible to overload the thing. O'DONNELL [smug] I'll go and give some orders. We're gonna crack that leech in half! SOUND HE LEAVES FRANK Did he listen to a single thing you said? PROF [sigh] He is the military. FRANK Then why are you - we - even here? PROF I fear the general wants to be able to say he consulted a scientist. I'm convenient since I can't possibly have a relevant opinion. MUSIC LEECH K SOUND [UNDER] RAY GUNS, EXPLOSIONS, ETC. LEECH Fooooood! Rich food! Needing more! Ray food, energy food, liquid food! Needing more! More food makes more hungry!!!! Sensing. Sensing for food. Ahhhh. THERE. MUSIC 12_STOCKPILE AMBIANCE INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT O'DONNELL [incredulous and furious] It did what? SOUND NANA OF VOICE ON WALKIE-TALKIE. FRANK It flew! PROF It might be better described as a type of hovering. O'DONNELL Shh! Over and out. SOUND WALKIE SQUAWK - OFF PROF [resigned] Where did it go? O'DONNELL The damned fools! Why'd they have to panic? You'd think they'd never been trained! FRANK They couldn't exactly expect that! PROF [urgent] Where? O'DONNELL North Hill. [angry sigh] Our armory. FRANK But that's a whole mile away! PROF At least. O'DONNELL Sixty-seven men died! And the leech just - just jumped there! PROF I still say it hovered. It definitely moved with some sort of self-propulsion. FRANK I'll write that down. PROF The way it looked, it floated across the sky, blacking out the sun, and then, when it reached its goal, it simply dropped. O'DONNELL [snarling] How can you be so clinical about this? FRANK I - I- PROF It's OUR job to take notes for the scientists you will eventually have to call in. MUSIC LEECH L LEECH So good! So nice! Rich food. Much energy. Growwww. Yessss. Ahhhh. More cells. Now, more hungry. MUSIC 13_EXPERTS AMBIANCE INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT SOUND PACING O'DONNELL Haven't those eggheads made up their minds yet? We've had to evacuate six nearby farms. FRANK It's not like choosing a tie. O'DONNELL But they're the experts! PROF No one's an expert on this. It's never happened before. The physicists consider it a biological matter, and the biologists seem to think the chemists should have the answer. We can't even agree on whose problem it is! O'DONNELL It's the military's problem! I don't give a hang what the thing is! I just want to know how to destroy it! [offhand] They better give me permission to use the bomb. SOUND STRIDES OFF FRANK Will that work? PROF Well, I have a theory. FRANK Yes? PROF Which I hope will remain a theory. FRANK How can I make notes if you don't tell me? PROF The Bomb might overload it. MIGHT destroy it. Or give it what it needs to grow big enough to devour the entire continent. Sooner. SOUND FEET STRIDE BACK O'DONNELL Still talking! Gah! I've been pushing for the Bomb for a week now! And I'll get it, but not til they run out of doubletalk! FRANK Could be a while. O'DONNELL [intense] I am going to destroy that leech. I am going to SMASH it, if it's the last thing I do! It's gone beyond national security now. THIS is personal. SOUND STRIDES OFF PROF I knew you shouldn't have named it. FRANK Why? PROF Once you name something, you get to thinking you KNOW it. And no matter how much you think you won't, you start applying traits to it. Anthropomorphizing it. Attaching motives and feelings to it. FRANK Who says it doesn't feel? PROF It does. O'DONNELL [from off] Here come the bright boys now! MUSIC LEECH M LEECH So big. Big now. Big makes hungry. So much to fill. So much to feed. Need more. More good rich food. MUSIC 14_SCIENTISTS AMBIANCE INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT O'DONNELL Well, have you figured out what it is yet? ALLENSON [weary sarcasm] Just a minute - I'll hack off a sample. Hah. O'DONNELL [exasperated] Have you figured out some scientific way of killing it? MORIARTY [dry, offhand] Oh, that wasn't difficult at all. FRANK Really? MORIARTY Wrap it in a perfect vacuum. That'll do the trick. Or blow it off the earth with anti-gravity. FRANK Can they really? PROF Don't be silly. ALLENSON Failing that, we suggest you use your atomic bombs and use them fast. O'DONNELL Yes! [vainly trying to curb his enthusiasm] Is that the opinion of the entire think tank? MORIARTY [sigh] Yes. SOUND GENERAL HURRIES OFF ALLENSON He should have called us in immediately! There's no time to consider anything but force now. PROF Have you come to any conclusions about the nature of this thing? MORIARTY Only general ones. Very much in line with your notes and conclusions. ALLENSON As you mentioned, it's a perfect converter--it can transform mass into energy, and any energy into mass. MORIARTY Naturally that's impossible and I have figures to prove it. We're positing that this thing was in some dormant spore-stage until it was pulled in by the earth's gravity. ALLENSON Incidentally, we should be damned grateful that it didn't land in the ocean. We'd have been eaten out of house and home-- FRANK Literally. ALLENSON --before we even knew what we were looking for. PROF [musing] I wonder how long it will take him to get permission to use the bomb. MUSIC LEECH N LEECH slow grow. Hungry. No grow. Dull food not enough. Want more. Want grow. Want be big again. MUSIC 15_BOMBS AMBIANCE INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT O'DONNELL Brigadier-General, with all due respect sir, how many MORE scientists can there be? We've been waiting for-- BRIG-GENERAL [on phone] Washington had to explore every alternative before detonating an atomic bomb in the middle of New York! O'DONNELL So now I can use the bomb? BRIG-GENERAL We need some time to evacuate people in an orderly fashion. O'DONNELL Sir! This leech is still growing! We have to stop it before it gets out of hand! FRANK Bit late for that. PROF Shh. He's doing the best he can. BRIG-GENERAL We've signed you out five bombs. Use them well. But not until the order comes through. MUSIC LEECH O LEECH slowing. Drowsing. Waiting. Cells starving. Too much need food. Tired... SOUND EXPLOSION LEECH YESSSS! Foooooood! Much! Too much! Holding! Choking! No! straining.... straining! More cells. Need more cells! Building! Feeeeeeeeding! Choking? [beat] No. SOUND BOMB LEECH Enough cells now. Rich food. More. Grow. Build. JOY. MUSIC 16_SIXTY MILES AMBIANCE INSIDE NEW HEADQUARTERS TENT O'DONNELL Sixty miles across. PROF There was no way to know. O'DONNELL This was supposed to KILL it. FRANK At least there was no fallout. PROF I'm sure it ate THAT too. O'DONNELL I have to KILL IT! Do you hear me! The blasted thing has spread all the way to the Adirondacks! FRANK What's next? More bombs? PROF I don't think it's advisable. If we throw enough at it to crack it, we might crack open the earth's crust. O'DONNELL The leech has to be blown up quick. What are the bright boys hedging for? PROF They don't know what will happen. The concentration of bombs it would require-- O'DONNELL Perhaps they'd like me to order a bayonet attack. FRANK They've got to do something. PROF It's frustrating. I keep feeling like I should be doing more, but this simply isn't my area of expertise! That thing thrives on force - and the scientists don't have time to consider any alternatives. FRANK Fight fire with fire. PROF But it's not fire. Fire is fickle. Fire is Loki. Fire is a trickster. This thing is... is... O'DONNELL Where the heck are the scientists? SOUND TENT FLAP ALLENSON [coming in] We've finished the calculations. O'DONNELL Good. I'll call in the strike. MORIARTY There's a damned good chance of splitting the earth wide open with that much power! O'DONNELL You have to take chances in war. FRANK He doesn't even care! PROF He cares. He just doesn't care about that. Hercules himself couldn't turn the general from his course. ALLENSON Hear us out! O'DONNELL Your own calculations show that the leech is now growing at twenty feet per hour. So how much time is that before it reaches this post? FRANK He's got a point. PROF [musing] Hercules.... Something... ALLENSON And speeding up. But this can't be done in haste-- PROF Aha! O'DONNELL What? PROF I may have a counter-offer. O'DONNELL Does it involve me blowing up the leech? PROF It's a very dim chance, but... [trails off] O'DONNELL Yes? PROF have you ever heard of Antaeus? MUSIC LEECH P LEECH more large. more thought. More memory. Large rock and dirt and stone food. Devoured. Joy. Huge mass of combustibles - light and heat and energy! Food. True joy! SOUND MEMORY SOUNDS LEECH then all devoured. Dark. Cold. Empty. Cells Shrinking, dying, self-devouring self. Moving. Seeking. Food. MUSIC 17_DRONE SHIP AMB OUTSIDE SOUND SMALL PLANE PASSES OVERHEAD FRANK So that's what a drone looks like. PROF Pretty much like any other rocket ship. The pilot just happens to be over there in the tent. O'DONNELL I hope you're right about this, professor. MORIARTY The calculations all validate the hypothesis. If what you said about the creature's motivational capability is accurate-- FRANK There it goes! O'DONNELL Straight up! Son of a biscuit! PROF It's - it's - enormous! MUSIC LEECH Q SOUND FIGHTER PLANE BUZZES PAST LEECH Food! Rich food! Above! Out of reach! Why not fall? Come to me? Food! ... seek. SOUND BUZZ OF FIGHTER PLANE MOVING AWAY LEECH heat! Small food. Cold! Nothing. Ah, little flying food, come to - oh. Oh, yes. Far. There. Huge bright glowing mass of combustibles. Food. MUSIC 18_ANTAEUS AMBIANCE OUTDOORS FRANK Wow. Now, that's a crater. PROF You can look at it later. I keep worrying that I've missed something. FRANK But the leech is gone, professor! Right up and out of the atmosphere. PROF There's no way to be sure it won't come back. FRANK Everybody's going to be watching for the leech. PROF Please don't call it that. FRANK What then? Antaeus? Who's that anyway? PROF Greek Mythology. Son of Gaea and Poseidon - the earth goddess and sea god. He was an invincible wrestler, drawing his strength from the earth itself. FRANK His mom. Apron strings, even in mythology. PROF [chuckles] Well, Hercules had to wrestle him, and every time Hercules threw him to the ground, he rose refreshed. FRANK Didn't Hercules know about the earth? PROF He figured it out. After that, he just held Antaeus up in the air until he gave up. O'DONNELL [off slightly] Come on, join me in some champagne. Even you brainy folks can use a little celebration! MORIARTY [happily] Maybe just a sip! ALLENSON I don't mind if I do. FRANK Be there in a minute! [to prof] So the fighter rocketship they sent up will just keep leading it around in space til it gets tired and drops dead? O'DONNELL Better. It's going to take it right into the sun. Big or not, the damn thing can't eat THAT. PROF Lord, I hope not. O'DONNELL [to pilot] How's the ship, pilot? PILOT Just reached the orbit of Mercury, sir. O'DONNELL Fine! Fine. I swore to destroy that thing. Not the way I wanted to do it - too far out to see it go up with my own eyes - If I had a choice, it would be more personal. But the important thing is the destruction. Destruction is at times a sacred mission. Man, I feel wonderful! MORIARTY [panicky] Turn the rocket!!!! TURN IT! O'DONNELL What the devil? MORIARTY Considering rate of growth, energy consumption capacity, and speed versus projected energy retention, figuring in the energy it will receive from the sun as it approaches-- O'DONNELL Speak English! MORIARTY [dire warning] It's gonna devour the sun. MUSIC LEECH R LEECH closer! Closer! More heat! More light! All! Must have all! Small rich food moving away. Choice. Nearby small food? Far big food? Hungry NOW. Close first. Catch quick, feed enough to move to big food. Yes! MUSIC 19_TURN AWAY AMBIANCE INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT PILOT It's turning, sir! ALL [general sounds of relief] ALLENSON Take it out at right angles to the plane of the solar system. SOUND RADAR [start much earlier] FRANK So the blob is the leech and the dot is the ship? PROF Yes. O'DONNELL What portion of the sky would the leech be in just now? MORIARTY Somewhere out in that section - just over that tree. O'DONNELL Fine. [calling order back over shoulder] Soldier! Carry out your orders! ALL [surprised concern - "what?" "huh" "what are you up to?" etc.] FRANK [calling] The dot is slowing down! The blob is catching up! PROF What are you up to, general? O'DONNELL [grim satisfaction] I told you this was a personal matter. I swore to destroy that leech. We can never have any security while it is alive. [chuckles triumphantly] I had that ship especially built. PROF To do... what... precisely? O'DONNELL Shall we look at the sky? SOUND FEET, TENT FLAP, ETC. as they leave. O'DONNELL Soldier? PILOT Three seconds, sir! O'DONNELL Push the button. PILOT Yes, sir! FRANK is something supposed to-- Whoah! MORIARTY Not a good idea to look directly at the explosion! PROF What... did... you... do? O'DONNELL [smug] That rocket was built around a hydrogen bomb. I set it off at the contact moment. FRANK How come there's no sound? Thought there'd be a loud bang or something. Is it like thunder? ALLENSON Sound doesn't travel in a vacuum. PROF [explaining] We're anthropologists. O'DONNELL [calling to pilot] Anything on the radar? PILOT [from within] Nope! Not a speck, sir. O'DONNELL Men - and scientists - I have met the enemy and he is MINE. Let's have some more of that champagne. PROF I wish I was that sure. MUSIC LEECH S LEECH Catching food. Slowing. Tiring. Catch. Massive surge! Too much! Holding! Holding! Absorbing! Building! No! No! overload! Too much! Breaking! Come apart! Losing thought! Losing cohesion! Breaking. Broken. Shattered. SOUND [long moment of silence, then in squeaky little voices:] LEECHETTE1 Hungry LEECHETTE2 Hungry LEECHETTE3 Hungry LEECHETTE4 cold. hungry LEECHETTE5 Hungry [more and more leechettes until they populate the entire soundscape] LEECH [MANY VOICES] hungry. Empty. hungry. Empty. hungry. hungry. Empty [repeats under] MUSIC END CREDITS

music new york lord man washington men moving energy sound building professor food fire rich army pilot losing wrap cold pop seeking prof military holding dark ride clear fight jump massive tired straight protecting mine dinner feet large soldiers sitting eat failing outdoors hungry empty rocks closer destruction driver catching classic smash loki dirt bomb mercury sad sheriffs editing ditch broken pardon radar anthropology bit aha hercules needing sooner sir slowing cells muster shattered odd sixty breeze reporters adapted explosions biologists sensing dull choking poseidon gotcha assistants greek mythology moriarty nearby leech blasted gunshots terribly idles adirondacks apron perimeter hah absorbing conners brigadier general speak english shh reissue attaching doors open crowbar many voices nearest gah project gutenberg devoured tiring librivox gaea kill it and mrs blowtorch barbed didja antaeus miniscule julie hoverson turn it galaxy science fiction nocturne boulevard steve guy theramin north hill rubberneckers

19 Nocturne Boulevard - From An Amber Block - Reissue

write chip constellations ad infinitum julie hoverson nocturne boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2022 35:34

Adapted by Julie Hoverson, from a story by Tom Curry, as published in Astounding Stories in 1930 A new acquisition by the museum contains a dark dark secret! Cast List Betty Young - Julia Carson Professor Walter Marble - Don Parris Professor Young - Charles Austin Miller Andrew Leffler - Mark Olson Rooney - Reynaud LeBeouf Smythe - Chuck Burke Doctor - Mitchell Carson Fred - Marshal Latham Guard - Reynaud LeBeouf Music by Wynn Erickson Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Charles Austin Miller Many thanks to Project Gutenberg and Librivox for curating these classic stories. "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a special annex at the museum of natural history in 1930, can't you tell?" ************************************************ From an Amber Block [From the story by Tom Curry, published in Astounding Stories, July, 1930] Cast: Professor Walter Marble, young scientist, 30 Professor Young, old museum curator, 55 Betty Young, daughter with a clipboard, 20 Andrew Leffler, millionaire dilettante, 48 Rooney, guard, 57 Smythe, janitor, 40 Doctor, 45 Fred, workman, 25 OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a special annex at the museum of natural history in 1930, can't you tell? MUSIC Scene 1. SOUND ECHOING FOOTSTEPS SOUND WOOD CRATES BEING DISMANTLED AND REMOVED PROF These should prove especially valuable and interesting without a doubt, Marble, old man. MARBLE Have they all been brought in and set up, professor? PROF Check the manifest. Betty dear, do you have that? Should be on the clipboard. BETTY Let's see. Ah, yes - check, check - all checked off, present and accounted for. seventeen huge lumps of prehistoric amber. PROF I've told you time and time again not to bandy such unspecific terms. Until we have them precisely dated, they are assumed to be common cretaceous amber. BETTY Yes, father [correcting self] Professor. But there's nothing common about the size of these pieces! These are quite outside ...the standard deviation. SOUND SHE WALKS ON A BIT BETTY When you see bits of amber worked into jewelry, especially the ones with insects preserved in them, you just can't even picture something on this scale! MARBLE It was tricky getting them out of the ground, too. The workmen seemed afraid - didn't want to handle them for some silly reason. BETTY Is that ...coal in the biggest one? That dark center? MARBLE I am inclined to believe it will prove to be some sort of black liquid, possibly a pocket of colophony. BETTY Which is? MARBLE [somewhat dismissive] An oil derived from amber. [change of tone] Professor Young? PROF Yes? MARBLE Even with the dark central void, I think that big one will turn out to be the largest single piece of amber ever mined. PROF It appears to be several tons. It will take some maneuvering to get a proper weight on it. Betty? BETTY Yes, Professor? PROF Take this down. Stone 1 - we'll call this large one "stone one"-- BETTY Noted. PROF Make up a card when you get a chance. [back to describing] The amber is clear and pure in appearance, probably mixed with lignite. Yellow brown in color, irregular in shape. I think it is merely the thickness of the amber, and not any imperfections in its refractive structure, that make the central dark spot nothing more than a shadow. BETTY It's like a small mountain! PROF Nonsense. Get some specific measurements. Height; width through, say, four axes, at three equidistant levels. BETTY [resigned] Yes, professor. PROF If you need help, Walter here is a dab hand with triangulation. You'll help, won't you, Marble? MARBLE Certainly. Whatever you need. Miss Betty, I think we had better begin by drawing a rough sketch of the block. Scene 2. SOUND DOOR OPENS, ACROSS THE ROOM, CONFIDENT STRIDES ENTER LEFFLER [full of confidence] Well, well, well...what do you think of them? PROFESSOR Ignore him. BETTY Father! You have to play nice. He funds the research and gets to play philanthropic scientist. PROFESSOR You mean pseudo-scientific philanthropist. Yes, yes of course. [up] Mr. Leffler! All present and accounted for! LEFFLER [coming on] Everybody is talking about the big one! Orling is coming to see, along with plenty of others. Marble! Did you happen to catch any stories the workmen down there were telling? I'm thinking I'll publish something on the expedition, and that would be a great little chapter. MARBLE I don't think it was actual stories. Just general uneasiness and rumors of bad luck. Something about a creature swimming in a lake of ink, but the translator says the local dialect was pretty difficult. LEFFLER Well, monster or not, let's hope there's something good in there, something that will make all our effort worthwhile. [walking away] Maybe I can come up with a few tales, just spice, you know... MARBLE Superstition is curious, isn't it? [chuckles] How can anyone think that a fossil of a creature, penned in such a cell for thousands and thousands of years, could do any harm? PROF Superstition, by definition, is unreasonable. These amber blocks were mined in the Manchurian lignite deposits by Chinese coolies under Japanese masters. They believe anything over there. I remember working once with a crew of them that thought— BETTY [off] [scream!] PROF What is it, Betty dear? BETTY It - it - it--! MARBLE Her face is completely white! PROF You'd better sit down. SOUND SCUFFLE PROF What is it that has put you into such a state? BETTY I—I thought I saw something looking out, eyes that stared at me—-! [laughs, but forced] I suppose it was just Mr. Leffler's talk of monsters. There's certainly nothing there now. PROF Perhaps the Manchurian devil just likes beautiful young ladies, eh, Marble? [chuckles] [walking off] Well, be careful, dear. If it takes a notion to jump out at you, call for me and I'll return presently and exorcise it. BETTY [chuckles, but half hearted] I suppose you think I'm being hysterical, too, Mr. Marble? MARBLE [musing] No-o-o. PROF [coming back in] Come along Betty, we must go home. There's a long, interesting day ahead of us to-morrow, [going off again] and I want some time to read Orling's new work on matrices before we begin chipping at block number one. MARBLE [confidential] I... I saw something, too. Could it have been just some refraction of the light? BETTY [gasp] I—I don't know. I thought I saw two terrible eyes glaring at me from the inky heart. But when father laughed at me, I was ashamed and thought it was just my fancy. MARBLE The center is liquid, I'm sure of it. [beat] Well, we'll find out soon enough, once we get started. PROF [off, commanding] Come along, Betty! BETTY Be careful. SOUND SHE WALKS OFF Scene 3. MUSIC PROF Betty? Have you got the specimens we've laid out on tray 15 itemized yet? BETTY Yessir! 8 ants, 14 mosquitoes, 32 unidentified insect portions and 3 bees. PROF Very good. We'll make a scientist out of you, yet. [chuckles heartily] BETTY I'm sure I've got plenty to do as it is. You are being careful, aren't you? PROF That's the dozenth or so time you've inquired. What is it you expect to happen? BETTY I... I don't know. PROF [condescending] The stones are carefully anchored so they won't fall over, and carefully protected by their canvas covers when we're not working on them. BETTY I know. But do be careful. PROF You think the fabled Manchurian beast is going to break out of that stone like a - like a chick out of an egg - and run amok? BETTY You said you plan to work your way into position to tap that dark central core. PROF Between our heaters and our chisels, we'll be through into the central mass sometime tomorrow. It's getting much softer, now the outside shell is pierced. Amber used to be called – still is in some cultures – the stone that burns. BETTY [german name, but quiet] Bernstein. PROF Since not only does it become malleable when heated, it can actually return to its original resinous state – a state in which it is, once again, flammable! MARBLE But, for our purposes, it is soft and permeable – much easier to dig through than say granite or basalt. Pretty soon we'll find out whether we are right about it being liquid. We have to wait, and make some preparations for catching it, just in case. BETTY [nervous] Catching - what? MARBLE The liquid, of course. Some sort of large drainage pan should suffice. SOUND DISTANT BELL PROF And that is time. SOUND PEOPLE PUTTING THINGS AWAY, THE ROOM QUIETING DOWN BETTY Mr. Leffler wants to be here when the final breach is made. Should I call him and issue a formal invite? PROF Oh, don't bother me with him tonight. [walks off] We can summon him quickly enough when we're nearly there - otherwise, he'll spend all day hovering about and getting in the way. MARBLE Here's your coat, miss Young. BETTY Thanks. [sigh] I think it must have been my imagination. I certainly didn't see anything odd today. MARBLE Nor did I, but I kept thinking I heard dull scrapings from inside the block. My brain tells me I'm an imaginative fool, that nothing could be alive inside something that old - but just the same, I keep thinking about those eyes we thought we saw. [shaking it off] Just shows how far the imagination will take one. PROF [calling from off] It's getting dark, Betty! Better not stay here in the shadows or the devil will get you. I wonder if it will be Chinese or up-to-date American! BETTY [laugh, slightly annoyed] Funny how such smart men can sometimes be so dense. MARBLE Oh? BETTY Nothing. Good night! SOUND SHE WALKS Scene 4. SOUND DOOR OPENS ROONEY Here you go, miss Young. BETTY Night, Rooney! ROONEY Stayin' late this evening, are you? BETTY [going off] No, we're calling it a night, Rooney. SOUND HER FEET GO OFF ROONEY Good night, Miss Young. Sleep happy. BETTY [from off] Thanks, Rooney! ROONEY [whistles something irish] SOUND BETTY'S FEET COME BACK ROONEY Is there a problem, ma'am? BETTY You'll be extra careful tonight, won't you? ROONEY Well, miss, I'm always careful. Nobody can get in to harm anything while old Rooney's about. BETTY [reluctant but urgent] I don't mean that. I want you to be careful yourself, when you're anywhere near this room to-night. ROONEY [indulgent] Why, miss, what is there to be wary of? Nothing but some funny looking stones, far as I can see. BETTY Of course. Scene 5. MUSIC BETTY [sleeping fitfully] oh… looking ...at... me! SOUND TELEPHONE RINGS BETTY [comes awake with a gasp] SOUND GETS UP, OPENS DOOR PROF [off] Hello? Yes, speaking. [annoyed] Good morning, Smythe. BETTY Smythe? At the Museum? PROF Shh-shh! [gasp] My God! I—I can't believe it! Is he dead? BETTY Dead? Who? PROF I'll be right down, yes. SOUND HANGS UP THE PHONE PROF Dear, there's been a tragedy at the museum during the night. One of the guards has been killed. BETTY Oh no! Not Rooney! PROF I don't know them by name. Possibly by burglars. And Smythe, who found him, wants me to come down and see if anything has been stolen. I must go at once. The body is in our laboratory. Where did I leave my overcoat...? BETTY [sniffled a bit] Give me a minute to get dressed. PROF No, no. No need. BETTY [firm] I'm going with you. PROF You can come along later, once we have things ...tidied up a bit. BETTY I'll be all right. I promise you I will. And you know I'm the only one who can keep your notes straight. MUSIC Scene 6. AMB MUSEUM SMYTHE I've sent for an ambulance, Professor. PROF Of course, Smythe. Let me see the extent of the damage. SOUND DOOR OPENS SMYTHE Yes, of course. The body is around on the left ...here? Sir? PROF I must check on the stones first. See that nothing has been damaged. BETTY [grumpy mutter] Of course. Rooney's not going anywhere. PROF Aha. Nothing seems missing. BETTY Father, they're too large for someone to just run off with. PROF Why don't you go and check the trays in the lock room. Make sure nothing portable has walked away. BETTY Very well. PROF Smythe? The body? SMYTHE Here. PROF [musing] No pulse. Cold. He's been dead some time. BETTY [coming on] The lock on the room hasn't been tampered with, and – [gasp] PROF There's nothing we can do for him, now. It looks as though the poor fellow was set upon and stabbed a number of times by an assailant or assailants, whoever they were. BETTY Poor Rooney! He was so jolly and red-faced, but now - his skin is like chalk! PROF Rather shrunken, too. Almost as if there's no blood left in his veins. BETTY And that look on his face! He must have been terrified of whoever killed him. MARBLE There must have been several assassins; They beat him up frightfully. It would take more than one man to do such damage. BETTY [quietly] Poor man. Who will tell his grandchildren? MARBLE [quiet, sympathy] Yes. [up] His ribs are crushed in—see, this gash, Professor, that would be enough to cause death without any of the other wounds. BETTY [to herself, horrible fascination] What are they looking at? A horrible... blistered area under his arm? And a gash – oh, that must be what killed him! PROF Bloodless! As I said! It is as if the blood had been pumped out of the body! MARBLE And yet not much blood on the ground. I only see a couple of splotches, and those look like they're from more superficial cuts. PROF Maybe he was dragged here from another room. Perhaps the thieves were here to steal something in another part of the museum. Seems to me that men desperate enough to commit such a murder would not leave without trying to get what they came after. MARBLE Unless, of course, the killing of the guard frightened them away before they could get to their booty. SOUND FEET APPROACH SMYTHE I brought that doctor you asked for, Professor Young. MARBLE Any idea when this happened, Smythe? SMYTHE Well, he punched the clock in here at two A.M. - I seen that. MARBLE And he never made it to his next punch? SMYTHE Nope. [heavy sigh] And it's the last time he'll ever do his duty, poor feller. DOCTOR Curious odor. [sniffs] It smells like musk, but is fetid. I suppose it's some chemical you use in your lab here? PROF I noticed that, too. Nothing I recognize. Marble? Where did he get to? Marble? MARBLE [off] There are wavy black lines on the tiles, leading around back of the block! PROF You will have to be more specific. Wavy lines indeed! MARBLE [moving further off] come and look, then! They go around the back, and – good god! BETTY What? SOUND PEOPLE DASH TO LOOK BETTY That - that dark “hollow” in the stone – it's completely open! PROF Marble, get me samples of that liquid before it all evaporates, would you? Didn't anyone think to check behind the block here? BETTY Everyone was pretty distracted by Rooney. PROF [dismissive] The corpse? I suppose, but he's certainly in no further danger. BETTY [quiet but intense] You're more interested in your black liquid then a man who lost his life. MARBLE [off] It's not liquid at all! At least not any more. It's nearly all dried, Professor Young. [musing] Dried into those strange wavy runnels and patterns... BETTY It looks like black lacquer. And that smell. I see what the doctor meant! PROF Our chipping and hammering and the heat of the radiator causing it to expand must have forced out the sepia, or whatever it is. [disappointed sigh] I had hoped that inside the liquid we would discover a fossil of value. MARBLE Yes... MUSIC Scene 7. AMB CROWD TALKING, OFF MARBLE Look here Betty, I guess it's just you and me that might have seen this… thing. BETTY That hole in the amber – it's awful big! Who knows WHAT might have been inside? MARBLE [dubious] Could have been nothing at all… BETTY Did that black stain look like it could have been enough to fill the entire cavity? I'm quite sure it was full. MARBLE I'll poke around a bit. BETTY Be careful! MARBLE I will. Say, from here, does the giant block look like it's been moved? BETTY Hold on – I have some sketches. SOUND FLIPPING PAPERS ON HER CLIPBOARD BETTY Gosh! You're right! It's shifted just a bit! But it – it's huge! Tons, Father said. [rationalizing] Oh! It must have been the explosion- or expulsion – of all that liquid. That might very well have shifted it, mightn't it? MARBLE [dubious] Maybe. BETTY You're worried about those marks in the black gunk, aren't you? MARBLE They look like claw marks, not mere natural striations. BETTY Professor Marble? Please don't look any longer. Let's leave this terrible place - for the day, anyway - until we see what happens in the next twenty-four hours. MARBLE I must make a search. My brain calls me a fool, but just the same, I'm worried. BETTY Do you really think ...? MARBLE I fear so. MUSIC Scene 8. BETTY Is there any further word on the murder? MARBLE Your father has dismissed it as a botched theft attempt. BETTY I – I can't believe it. And what about the blood? MARBLE The blood? BETTY Father may be able to disregard it, but he's the one who pointed out that all of poor Rooney's blood was… missing. Were there any other signs of struggle? Anywhere? Or even some sign of a break-in? MARBLE No. [dubious] But it might be the work of a slick professional cracksman. BETTY And how many of those would rather randomly kill a man than hide until the guard has gone on along his rounds, tell me that? MARBLE [chuckle] I didn't say that was MY opinion. BETTY I'm going to try to take father home, right after lunch, if he'll go. He's so stubborn. If you must stay, would you – please – carry a gun? MARBLE Very well. Not that I think it would be of much use, if I did find—-[cuts himself off] SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, IMPERIOUS FEET ENTER LEFFLER [from across the room] What's this I hear? A watchman killed in the night? Carelessness, man, carelessness! MARBLE [quiet] Betty, see if your father needs anything. BETTY Good idea. LEFFLER The authorities here are absurd! They hold priceless treasures and yet they allow thieves to enter and wreak their will. [arrived] You, Marble! What's all this mean? MARBLE We do the best we can, Mr. Leffler. It is unlikely that anyone would wish to, let alone be ABLE to, steal such a thing as that block of amber. LEFFLER And why not? It cost ME thousands of dollars! MARBLE It took the use of several large machines and a good deal of manpower to bring it INTO this room. Any attempt to similarly leave – well, it would hardly pass unnoticed. LEFFLER Hogwash! I understand it's been broken into! There's pieces of my beautiful stone gone missing, mark my words! SOUND BELL BETTY It's time for lunch, Professor Marble. MARBLE You'll excuse us? Good. SOUND THEY WALK AWAY, LEAVING LEFFLER [fading as they leave] OF all the things! I have contributed considerable sums to this museum, and to see my money treated as if it were no more valuable than the general run of arrowheads and pot shards! MARBLE Phew. Thanks for coming to my rescue. BETTY He'll still be at it when we get back. MARBLE yes, but I will have had some coffee! SOUND DOOR SHUTS, CUTTING OFF LEFFLER MARBLE Poor Rooney. It's been preying on me. Betty, I feel more or less responsible, in a way. BETTY No, no! How could you have foreseen such a thing? MARBLE Those eyes. I shouldn't have discounted what we saw. I should have taken precautions. But I had no idea it could burst from its prison. BETTY You will get a revolver before you search further? [firm] I'm going to, too. Smythe has one, and I know he'll lend it to me. MARBLE I believe Leffler has seen something, too. That's why he keeps talking about it being our fault. His talk about the devil inside the block was half in earnest. BETTY He never seemed to take it any more seriously than – than father does! MARBLE Perhaps he put it down to imagination, or even did not think this fossil could be dangerous. BETTY I think Rooney could show them the error of their assumptions. MUSIC Scene 9. SOUND OUTSIDE BETTY There's some kind of commotion at the museum entrance! MARBLE Figures. We leave the building for just long enough to eat, and something happens! SOUND CROWD MURMURS GUARD Stay back, folks. The museum is closed. MARBLE Let us through! GUARD The museum is closed to the public, sir! MARBLE I'm not the public! I insist you tell me what's going on! GUARD Come inside, then both of you. SOUND DOOR SHUTS, CLOSING OUT CROWD GUARD Somethin's happened up in the paleontological laboratories. Dunno just what, but orders come down to clear the rooms and not let anybody in but members of the staff, sir. MARBLE Blast! SOUND QUICK WALKING BETTY Walter! Please wait! Get yourself a gun. MARBLE All right. You! GUARD Me? MARBLE [to guard] Give me your gun. [to her] Betty, you need to stay here, where it's safe. BETTY I'm going with you. MARBLE As a senior staff member to a junior one, I order you to remain downstairs. BETTY Hmph. Very well. SOUND HIS FOOTSTEPS GO ONE WAY, THEN HER FOOTSTEPS GO OFF IN ANOTHER DIRECTION Scene 10. MUSIC SOUND CHECKING AMMO IN A GUN SOUND BETTY STRIDING PURPOSEFULLY BETTY [talking to herself] Good. I knew Smythe would come through for me. Marble may be a bright fellow, but anyone could see another gun will come in handy— SOUND RUNNING FEET COMING FRED [panic heavy breathing] BETTY What is it? Fred! Look at me! Tell me what's going on! FRED [gasping and babbling] There was a black fog—I saw a red snake with legs— BETTY A what? Oh no! You get on out of here! FRED B-but where are you going? BETTY To make sure the professors are all right! Scene 11. SOUND HER RUNNING FEET, THEY SLOW BETTY [coughing] What's that [cough] in the air. Phew! It smells like—[suddenly alert] It smells like whatever came out of that stone! LEFFLER [distant horrible SCREAM] BETTY Walter! SOUND SHE RUNS, GASPING, THROUGH THE FOG BETTY [muttered] It just keeps getting thicker and thicker – I can barely see! [up] Walter?? SOUND FOOTSTEPS SLOW, PATTING ALONG WITH HAND BETTY Ah, the door. LEFFLER [whimpering, distant] SOUND DRAGGING JUICY AWFUL NOISES BETTY [sharp whisper] Where are you? LEFFLER [whimpery scream, cut off – urk!] BETTY If only the sun would come out, the skylights might cut through some of this murk! [up] Walter! MARBLE [quiet but urgent] Go back, Betty, go back! SOUND HER SLOW STEPS MARBLE [disgust and sorrow] Oh, Leffler! [groan] BETTY [gasp] Here you are! MARBLE I told you to get out of here! BETTY Is he hurt? MARBLE He's dead. Just like Rooney, far as I can tell. BETTY But he just twitched! MARBLE Something must have a hold on him! BETTY Some thing? [screams] SOUND SHE RUNS MARBLE Get out of here, Betty! Get to safety! SOUND SLITHERY NOISE MARBLE I'll keep anything from following you. BETTY [scream breaks off with noise of effort] SOUND SMASH OF GLASS Scene 12. MARBLE What are you doing? BETTY Terrified or not, I'm not leaving you, Walter! [noise of effort] SOUND ANOTHER WINDOW BREAKS BETTY But unless we get some air in here, that nasty haze will be our undoing! MARBLE [astonished] Good girl! It's starting to clear a bit. BETTY Where are you? I can see Leffler's … body… now, but-- Walter? MARBLE [loud whisper] Stay clear of the amber. BETTY Which one? MARBLE [loud whisper] All of them. I think IT is hiding among them, somewhere. BETTY How can we tell? MARBLE [strange urgency] Betty, please go outside and call some of the men. BETTY What are you looking ...at...? Oh. That black smoke – that's not moving because of the open window, is it? MARBLE [strained, conversational] It's coming out from under that canvas cover. BETTY [shocked but trying to sound calm] That's where it is! MARBLE The cover is too big to move all in one go by myself. BETTY I can get— MARBLE Don't come any closer! BETTY I'll grab the rope from here – between us, we can flip it! SOUND SUCKING TENTACLE NOISE BETTY [stifled noise of horror] MARBLE Well, it's definitely under there. SOUND ANOTHER SLITHER MARBLE All right... now! SOUND FLAP OF CLOTH Scene 13. MONSTER [hiss] BETTY [scream] MONSTER [shriek] MARBLE All red, with black patches! Reptilian, but some sort of secondary nostrils on the – aha! That's where the black miasma in the air comes from! BETTY IS coming from! It's trying to blind us with its smokescreen. MARBLE Did you see where it went? BETTY Other side of the block, I think! Oh, that smell! MARBLE It must have been right there, under the canvas, all day. BETTY Within arm's reach of the whole staff? How awful! MARBLE [disgust] It came out only when there was comparative quiet, to get its food.... BETTY We-we must kill it! [slower] We... must… MARBLE Betty! Its eyes – they're hypnotizing her Like a snake! Snap out of it, Betty! SOUND SLITHERING SLURPING NOISE MARBLE Betty! SOUND THUMP, SKID, AS HE KNOCKS HER OVER, GETTING HER OUT OF THE WAY BETTY [snapping out of it] Its mouth – that long fanged tongue! MARBLE [noting to self] It has the thick body of an immense python and the clawed legs of a dinosaur. BETTY And it's horrible! MARBLE But it also appears to have tentacles, like some sort of terrestrial octopus.... BETTY Still horrible! MARBLE Betty, no one has ever had such an experience as this, seen such a sight, and lived to tell of it. It must be ravenous with hunger, shut up in its amber cell inside the black fluid. I— SOUND WHISTLING HISS – INTAKE OF AIR BETTY I have a feeling it's about to blow! MARBLE I think it's armored. I'll have to aim for the head. SOUND SIX SHOTS BETTY [screaming] It's coming! SOUND WEIRD SLITHER THUMP AS IT MOVES BETTY Come on! SOUND THEY BACK AWAY MARBLE It's in front of the door! BETTY We can't go out the window! We're too high up! Here. SOUND HANDS HIM GUN BETTY I counted and you're just about out. SOUND CLICK MARBLE Good gravy you're right. [ugh, throws the empty gun] Thanks. Now you get moving while I distract it! Hurry! Run for your life! BETTY Oh, Walter! SOUND SHE RUNS SOUND SLITHER, SNAP, GUNSHOTS BETTY [off] Oh, there MUST be something! Aha! [Ugn! Breaks glass case] SOUND GLASS BREAKS, GRABS FIRE AXE SOUND MONSTER LUNGES AT MARBLE, MORE GUNSHOTS, CLICK BETTY [muttered] I won't let you die, Walter! SOUND SHE RUNS, THEN BETTY UGN!!!! SOUND CHOP OF AXE INTO FLESH MONSTER [HORRIBLE SCREAM!] MARBLE No! Over here, you beast! Keep looking at me! BETTY And again! SOUND THUMP, SQUISH MONSTER Scream! SOUND THRASHING MARBLE Look out Betty! The tail! BETTY What? Ugh! [smacked down] SOUND BODY DROP MARBLE No! Betty! FADE INTO BLACKNESS AND SILENCE Scene 14. MUSIC STUMBLES IN BETTY [waking, muttering] What?? What happened? [sudden gasp, freaking out] The monster! MARBLE [manly agony] Oh, my darling! Are you badly hurt? BETTY [calming down] No. I'm—I'm all right. But—but Walter—did it—? PROF He's fine, but the monster is hacked to pieces, and don't think I'm simply using an unscientific term. MARBLE I – i- when I saw you fall, I think I went a bit mad. And then the axe was in my hand, and – PROF [stern] And he utterly mutilated a marvelous and unique specimen. BETTY Father! We could have been killed! PROF [relenting] Well, there are still some remains to examine. They're taking the rest of it away now. PROF I think we will find it to be some sort of missing link between the dinosaurs and mososaurs. Thus, the tentacles. SOUND HE WALKS AWAY PROF [lecturing as he leaves] It is surely unbelievable that such a creature should be found alive; but perhaps it can be explained. It is related to the amphibians and was able to live in or out of the water. MARBLE Hmph. Oh, to the devil with paleontology, Betty. You saved my life. Come out and let's get married. I love you. PROF [droning on in the background] Now, we have many instances of reptiles such as lizards and toads penned up in solid rock but surviving for hundreds of years. BETTY At least we're safe, Walter. And unique! MARBLE How's that? BETTY It's not every woman who is helped by a living fossil to make the man she loves realize he loves her! PROF Evidently this great reptile went through the same sort of experience. I would say that there has been some great upheaval of nature, that the reptile was caught in its prison of amber thousands and thousands of years ago. Through hibernation and perhaps a preservative drug it emitted in the black fluid, this creature has been able to survive its long imprisonment. Naturally, when it was released by the cutting away of part of the amber which penned it in, it burst its cell, ravenous with hunger. SOUND HE FADES OUT INTO CLOSING MUSIC ENDING

19 Nocturne Boulevard

The First Episode Of

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2022 32:44

Julie Hoverson, the creator of the horror/sci-fi anthology 19 Nocturne Boulevard, talks about the audio drama scene in 2008, the challenges of marketing, the freedom of anthology writing, her AD Infinitum project, and the importance of paying your mixer. Listen to 19 Nocturne Boulevard on most major podcast platforms, or find it at http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net/ Chip in to support the conversation: https://glow.fm/thefirstepisodeof The theme music is "Mockingbird (Instrumental Version)" by David Mumford, used under a CC-BY 4.0 License. Write to the show at TheFirstEpisodeOf@gmail.com. Follow us on Twitter: @firstepisodeof For more information and to sign up for our newsletter, visit http://thefirstepisodeof.com Check out The Book of Constellations, too!

19 Nocturne Boulevard - Bread Overhead - Reissue

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2022 34:51

The Puffy Loaf corporation takes the next "logical" step to make their bread fluffier and lighter ...possibly lighter than air. (adapted by Julie Hoverson from the story by Fritz Leiber, published in 1958) ***************************************** Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Julie Hoverson (with help from Brett Coulstock) What Kind of a place is it? Why it's a lovely white bread future (by way of 1958) can't you tell? Cast List Megera Winterly - Melissa Pang Roger Snedden - Russell Gold Phineas T. Gryce - Glen Hallstrom Tin Philosopher - Jerry Bennett Rose Thinker - Kris Keppeler Congresswoman - Sharon Delong Aide - Steve Guy Robot Tour Guide - Derek M. Koch (Mail Order Zombie) Henpecked pilot - Jack Hosley (Wander Radio) Kathy - Kim Poole (Warp'd Space) June - Shelbi McIntyre Preacher - Ferguson (Cadavertrax) Child - Spawn of Ferguson Radio Moscow1 - Reynaud LeBoeuf Government Official - Master Payne Radio Moscow2 - Julie Hoverson Delhi Telefax - Ayoub Khote General - Bryan Hendrickson Scientist - Frederick Greenhalgh (Final Rune Productions) Doomsayer - Danar Hoverson Father O'Malley - Clarence Fanshaw Geneva telefax - Julie Hoverson Hawker1 - Jeff Pittman Hawker2 - Jeff Taylor Hawker3 - Shayla Conrad-Simms Hawker4 - Mark Olson Hawker5 - Connor Olson News1 - Jerry Bennett News2 - Julie Hoverson Naturalist - Brett Coulstock News - Jerry Bennett Radio Moscow - Reynaud LeBoeuf Russian Wife - Gwendolyn-Jensen Woodard Arabic Storyteller - Terry Cooper Interviewer - Ellen Vickery Climber1 - J. Christopher Dunn Climber2 - Mark Olson Climber3 - Brody Walker (Rainbow Reels Cinema) [Anyone not mentioned was probably Julie Hoverson.....] ********************************************* BREAD OVERHEAD (From the story by Fritz Leiber, printed in Galaxy in 1958). Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] MAIN STORY SCENES: MEGERA Winterly (F20s-30s), Secretary in Chief ROGER Snedden (M30s), Assistant Secretary Phineas T. GRYCE (M50s), chairman of the board ROSE THINKER (F/any), optimistic robot TIN PHILOSOPHER (M/any), serious robot INTERVENING SCENES Scenes 1 & 3 Congresswoman (F40s) Aide (any) Tourguide (any) Scene 5 Hungover man Scene 7 June, housewife Kathy, housewife Scene 9 Preacher Child Congregation [crowd] Scene 11 Radio Moscow Government Press Release Scene 13 Delhi Telefax Scene 15 Moderator General Scientist Crowd [cheers] Scene 17 Doomsayer TV Host Father O'Malley Scene 19 Stockholm Telefax Scene 21 Hawker1 Hawker2 Hawker3 Hawker4 Scene 23 News1 News2 Scene 25 Naturalist Scene 27 Reporter Radio Moscow Scene 28 Russian girl Russian grunt Russian wife Scene 29 Arabic Storyteller Scene 30 Interviewer (talking to survivors of a rock climbing incident) Member1 Member2 Member3 _______________________________________________________________________ OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a lovely white bread future by way of 1958, can't you tell? MUSIC SCENE 1. SOUND OUTDOOR NOISES, MACHINERY CONGRESSWOMAN As your duly elected congresswoman, I am so pleased to be able to come here and officiate at this... very splendid and worthwhile uh ...endeavor. AIDE New bread making plant. CONGRESSWOMAN [quiet] Bread making? It looks like a giant robot centipede! AIDE [duh!] The tour? They're about to-- TOURGUIDE So pleased to see you, Congresswoman. If you would step right this way? CONGRESSWOMAN [confident] I am so pleased to be able to be the first to see your new breadmaking facility. TOURGUIDE This is a great step forward [chuckles] in every sense of the word - for breadmaking, for the United States, and of course for the Puffy Loaf Corporation. MUSIC SCENE 2. AMB PUFFYLOAF OFFICE MUSIC SOUND SWOOSH DOOR, HUSHED FOOTSTEPS MEGARA [striding in] Why don't you jump out the window, Roger, remembering to shut the airlock after you? You have about as much chance of talking me into marriage as a starving Ukrainian kulak now that Moscow's clapped on the interdict. ROGER [bringing up the rear] A lot of things are going to be different around here, Meg, as soon as the Board is forced to admit that only my quick thinking made it possible to bring the name of Puffy loaf in front of the whole world. MEGARA [musing] Puffy loaf could do with a little of that. The way sales have been, it won't be long before Fairy Bread just waltzes right in and asks us to take the Big Jump. But just where does your quick thinking come in? You can't be referring to the helium--that was Rose Thinker's brainwave. ROGER Well, I-- MEGARA You've birthed another promotional bumble, Roger. I can see it in your eyes. I only hope it's not as big a one as when you put the Martian ambassador on 3D, live, and he thanked you profusely for the gross of Puffy loaves, assuring you that he'd never slept on a softer mattress in all his life! ROGER Listen to me, Meg. Today--yes, today!--you're going to see the Board eating out of my hand. MEGARA Hah! I guarantee you won't have any fingers left. You're bold enough now, but when Mr. Gryce and those two big robots come through that door-- ROGER Now wait a minute, Meg-- MEGARA Hush! They're coming now! SOUND DOOR SWOOSH MUSIC SCENE 3. AMB OUTDOORS TOURGUIDE Each of our walking mills is a self-contained production factory. CONGRESSWOMAN Spike to loaf in one operation? TOURGUIDE [pleased] You've read our literature. CONGRESSWOMAN Of course. [whispered] Thanks, Hank. AIDE Right. CONGRESSWOMAN So it-- uh-- AIDE Crawls all over the field, harvesting the wheat--? TOURGUIDE Harvests, threshes, quick-dries, and grinds. CONGRESSWOMAN Impressive. TOURGUIDE Ah, but that's just the front half. AIDE Of course - it must bake as well. CONGRESSWOMAN And then bread comes out the - um - the "southern" end? TOURGUIDE [chortles] Why don't we go and see? Hop on. SOUND DOORS CLOSE, CAR MOVES CONGRESSWOMAN Why, they're terribly long, aren't they? TOURGUIDE Thirty gleaming and fully-automated yards of breadmaking efficiency! CONGRESSWOMAN What's... that? TOURGUIDE What? CONGRESSWOMAN Up there? AIDE Soviet spy planes? CONGRESSWOMAN They're awfully small for planes. TOURGUIDE [alarm] Oh my goodness! It's-- it's--- MUSIC SCENE 4. MEGARA [singing the company jingle] Made up of tiny wheaten motes And reinforced with sturdy oats, It rises through the air and floats-- The bread on which all Terra dotes! TIN PHILOSOPHER Thank you, Miss Winterly. Though a purely figurative statement, that bit about rising through the air always gets me--here. SOUND CLANG AS HE TAPS HIS CHEST TIN PHILOSOPHER This is a historic occasion in Old Puffy's long history, the inauguration of the helium-filled loaf-- ROSE THINKER So Light It Almost Floats Away! TIN PHILOSOPHER --in which that inert and heaven-aspiring gas replaces old-fashioned carbon dioxide. Kudos for Rose Thinker, whose bright relays genius-sparked the idea‑‑ ROSE THINKER [titters] TIN PHILOSOPHER --and also for Roger Snedden, who took care of the ... nuts and bolts, so to speak. MUSIC SCENE 5. SOUND HELICOPTER NOISE HUNGOVER I'm only about a half hour away-- SOUND [nagging wife noise on phone] HUNGOVER It was a business meeting, dear. I couldn't very well say-- SOUND [nagging wife noise on phone] HUNGOVER Right. You're right. You're always-- SOUND [nagging wife noise on phone] HUNGOVER I have the list right here. Bread-- SOUND THUMP HUNGOVER What the devil? Birds? SOUND [nagging wife noise on phone-query] HUNGOVER Jeepers creepers! SOUND THUMP THUMP THUMP MUSIC SCENE 6. AMB OFFICE GRYCE By the by, Snedden, that was a brilliant piece of work getting the helium out of the government--they've been pretty stuffy lately about their monopoly. ROGER [guilty] Uh, yeah - about that-- TIN PHILOSOPHER [cough noise] Ever since the first cave wife boasted to her next-den neighbor about the superior paleness and fluffiness of her tortillas, mankind has sought lighter, whiter bread. Indeed, thinkers wiser than myself have equated the whole upward course of culture with this poignant quest. ROSE THINKER Yeast was a wonderful discovery--for its primitive day. Sifting the bran and wheat germ from the flour was an even more important advance. GRYCE Skip ahead. We all know the history. TIN PHILOSOPHER [miffed] Bread is now twenty times stronger, by weight, than steel, and of a lightness so great that it has even been capitalized on by our conscienceless competitors of Fairy Bread with their enduring slogan: 'It Makes Ghost Toast'. ROSE THINKER That's a beaut, all right, that ecto-dough blurb. SOUND HER CALCULATING NOISE ROSE THINKER Wait a sec. How about—“There'll be bread / Overhead?” SOUND CLANK AS TIN KICKS HER TIN PHILOSOPHER [quickly hissed with import] Rises through the air is figurative - not literal. SOUND HER CALCULATING MADLY ROSE THINKER Of course. [covering] I-I-I... wonder what the stuff tastes like. TIN PHILOSOPHER [relaxed again] I wonder what taste tastes like GRYCE Well Rose, I'm glad you keep trying to outjingle those dirty crooks at Fairy Bread, anyway. I'm sure you'll come up with something. MUSIC SCENE 7. AMBIANCE OUTSIDE SOUND LAUNDRY FLAPPING JUNE [clothespins in mouth] And I said to her, I said-- KATHY What in blazes!!! JUNE [gasp] That's not what I said! KATHY No! Look! Look! JUNE Great googley moogley - whatever d'you think those could be? KATHY Spy... things! JUNE Soviets! KATHY [urgent] Pass me the walkie talkie! JUNE Where--? KATHY In the laundry basket! MUSIC SCENE 8. AMB PUFFYLOAF OFFICE TIN PHILOSOPHER The next great advance in the baking art was the substitution of purified carbon dioxide for the gas generated by yeast organisms, thus leaving no corpses in situ. ROSE THINKER Ew. But even purified carbon dioxide is itself a rather repugnant gas. TIN PHILOSOPHER Therefore, we of Puffy Loaf are taking today what may be the ultimate step toward purity - we are aerating our loaves with the noble gas helium! ROSE THINKER An element which remains virginal in the face of all chemical temptations and whose slim molecules are eleven times lighter than obese carbon dioxide! MUSIC SCENE 9. SOUND END OF HYMN PREACHER Amen. And now let us give thanks to the Lord. Hallowed be his name. CONGREGATION Amen. CHILD Look at that! Out the window! SOUND SLAP CHILD [annoyed] Ow! PREACHER Our father, that art in heaven, look down upon us wretched sinners, forgive us for our annoyance of others. CONGREGATION [murmur, almost a chuckle] PREACHER For we are repentful. Give us this day our daily-- SOUND THUMP ON WINDOW PREACHER Holy Cow! MUSIC SCENE 10. TIN PHILOSOPHER I give you - the helium loaf! GRYCE Hear Hear. SOUND APPLAUSE GRYCE And now for the Moment of Truth. Miss Winterly, how is the helium loaf selling? SOUND TAPPING KEYS MEGARA Uh... SOUND MORE FRANTIC TAPPING MEGARA [horrified] It isn't, Mr. Gryce! Fairy Bread is outselling Puffy loaves by an infinity factor. So far this morning, there has not been one single delivery of Puffy loaves to any sales spot!! Complaints about non-delivery are pouring in! GRYCE [snarling] Mr. Snedden! What bug in the new helium process might account for this delay? ROGER Uh... I can't imagine, sir, unless - just possibly - there's been some unforeseeable difficulty involving the new metal-foil wrappers. GRYCE Metal-foil wrappers? Were you responsible for those? ROGER Yes, sir. Last-minute recalculations showed that the extra lightness of the new loaf might be great enough to cause drift during stackage. Metal-foil wrappers, by their added weight, took care of the difficulty. GRYCE [warning] And you ordered them without consulting the Board? ROGER [sweating] Yes, sir. There was hardly time and-- GRYCE You fool! I noticed the order for metal-foil wrappers, assumed it was some sub-secretary's mistake, and canceled it last night! MUSIC SCENE 11. RADIO MOSCOW In other news, the glorious Kremlin announces it will brook no interference in its treatment of the Ukrainian upstarts. This flying bread is clearly a bourgeoisie invitation to join the capitalists in cloud cuckoo land. GOVERNMENT official press release, United States state department. As we have no defense contracts with the Puffy loaf Corporation, we can take no responsibility for their erratic delivery methods. RADIO MOSCOW Citizens are warned to report any instances of the airborne bread, particularly any low-flying loaves. They have been reported as booby-trapped! Reports have been coming in all morning of deaths. The Capitalist running dog lackeys will do anything to damage our national contentment. MUSIC SCENE 12. ROGER [stunned] You-- you canceled the [squeak] order? [gasp] And told them to go back to the lighter plastic wrappers? GRYCE Of course! Just what's behind all this, Mr. Snedden? What got you so worried, when our physicists demonstrated months ago that the helium loaf was safely stackable in light breezes - even up to Beaufort's scale 3. TIN PHILOSOPHER Why would a change in wrappers result in non-delivery? ROGER Er-- ah-- er... Well, you see, the fact is that I.... MEGARA Hold it! Triple-urgent message from Public Relations, Safety Division. Tulsa-Topeka aero-express makes emergency landing after being buffeted in encounter with vast flight of objects initially described as brown birds. GRYCE What's this got to--? MEGARA [over him] After grounding safely near Emporia--no fatalities--pilot's windshield found thinly plastered with soft white-and-brown material. [astonished and horrified] Emblems on plastic wrappers embedded in material identify it incontrovertibly as an undetermined number of Puffy loaves cruising at three thousand feet! MUSIC SCENE 13. DELHI TELEFAX Telefax to the United States. No millet shortage here. Misleading report of blight on crops. Delhi is in no need of relief packages and can feed own people. Need no additional help. Expecting usual deliveries by end of week. MUSIC SCENE 14. ROGER [blurting] All right, I did it! But it was the only way out! Yesterday morning, due to the Ukrainian crisis, the government stopped sales and deliveries of all strategic stockpiled materials, including helium gas. ROSE THINKER How heavy-handed. [titters] ROGER Puffy's new program of advertising and promotion, based on the lighter loaf, was already rolling. There was only one thing to do, there being only one other gas comparable in lightness to helium. MEGARA You didn't! ROGER I did. I diverted the necessary quantity of hydrogen gas from the Hydrogenated Oils Section of our Magna-Margarine Division and substituted it for the helium. MUSIC SCENE 15. MODERATOR The debate rages as to what to do with the consistently buoyant loaves. The U.S. Army had this to say— GENERAL Extreme measures are being considered, possibly even to the extent of using fusion technology to dissipate the flock. MODERATOR But at a rally yesterday, scientists spoke out-- SOUND RALLY [on TV; filter] SCIENTIST [on TV; filter] Exploding a bomb among the loaves would be devastating, setting off a chain reaction! We must send a message – no more deaths from flying bread! CROWD [cheering] MUSIC SCENE 16. GRYCE [quiet horror] You substituted ... hydrogen ... for the ... helium? TIN PHILOSOPHER Hydrogen is twice as light as helium. ROSE THINKER And many times cheaper. ROGER Yes! I substituted hydrogen! The metal-foil wrapping would have added just enough weight to counteract the greater buoyancy of the hydrogen loaf. TIN PHILOSOPHER So, when this morning's loaves began to arrive on the delivery platforms of the walking mills-- ROGER [miserable] Exactly. GRYCE [dangerous rumble] Let me ask you, Mr. Snedden... did you expect people to jump to the kitchen ceiling for their Puffybread after taking off the metal wrapper, or maybe reach for the sky if they happened to have the misfortune to unwrap the stuff outdoors? ROGER Mr. Gryce, you yourself have often assured me that what people do with Puffybread after they buy it is no concern of ours. MUSIC SCENE 17. DOOMSAYER [on filter] ...and he did say unto the prophet Breadediah to watch the skies – yea, for even the staff of life may be used to smite, and manna may fall from the heavens and crush the unworthy! TV HOST What do you think of this disturbing trend in apocalyptic jargon, Father O'Malley? FATHER O'MALLEY The pope hasn't ruled yet on the bread's miracle status. I expect it depends a great deal on where it finally touches down, Phil. Until then, it's all up in the air. MUSIC SCENE 18. ROSE THINKER [metallic gasp] Oh, boy--hydrogen! The loaf's unwrapped. After a while, in spite of the crust-seal, a little oxygen diffuses in. An explosive mixture. Housewife in curlers and kimono pops a couple slices in the toaster. Boom! GRYCE Holy Canola! ROGER [groan] SOUND METALLIC KICK TIN PHILOSOPHER So you see, Roger, that the non-delivery of the hydrogen loaf carries some consolations. ROSE THINKER Oh, yes. TIN PHILOSOPHER And I must confess that one aspect of the affair gives me great satisfaction, not as a Board Member but as a private machine. You have at last made a reality of our theme song. It indeed now 'rises through the air'. ROSE THINKER By now, half the inhabitants of the Great Plains must have observed our flying loaves! GRYCE The hell you say! Stop the mills! MEGARA Absolutely, sir. TIN PHILOSOPHER A sensible suggestion. But it comes a trifle late in the day. If the mills are working to capacity, approximately seven billion Puffy loaves are at this moment cruising eastward over Middle America. ROSE THINKER Recall that a six-month supply for deep-freeze was being prepared-- TIN PHILOSOPHER And since the current per-person consumption of bread, due to its matchless airiness, is eight and one-half loaves per day. GRYCE Aaaargh! MUSIC SCENE 19. STOCKHOLM TELEFAX Telefax to United Nations Food Organization. Stockholm applauds your actions and stands ready to monitor the situation, with hope of collaboration in endeavors not yet considered. [basically saying nothing at all] MUSIC SCENE 20. GRYCE [spluttering] You! You-- you...! MEGARA Hold it! Flock of multiple-urgents coming in! News Liaison: information bureaus swamped with flying-bread inquiries. Aero-express-lines: Clear our airways or face law suit. U.S. Army: Why do loaves flame when hit by incendiary bullets? ROSE THINKER Oh, boy! MEGARA U.S. Customs: If bread intended for export, get export license or face prosecution. Russian Consulate in Chicago: Advise on destination of bread-lift. And some Kansas church is accusing us of a hoax inciting to blasphemy--but I'm not sure why. ROGER I'm dead. MEGARA [near-hysteria] Roger Snedden! You've brought the name of Puffy loaf in front of the whole world, all right! Now do something about it! ROSE THINKER Oh, boy! This looks like the start of a real crisis session! Did you remember to bring spare batteries? SOUND METALLIC KICK MUSIC SCENE 21. HAWKER1 Cameras! Bread cameras here! Guaranteed to take picture of objects moving rapidly through the sky! HAWKER2 Cold cuts! Get ready for the sandwich of a lifetime! Cold cuts! Special for today, buy two pastrami, get your condiments for free! HAWKER3 Bread nets! Make sure you can catch your sandwich needs as they fly by! Buy one for the kiddies! HAWKER4 Psst! Tickets? Need a ticket? I got the 28th floor, the 32nd floor… maybe even, the 40th floor? How far you wanna go? MUSIC SCENE 22. SOUND WIND, HIGH UP SOUND GUNSHOTS, SUBMACHINE GRYCE Take that! SOUND STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS ROGER [Heavy breathing, panicky, approaching] GRYCE Stay back! ROGER Whoa! [trying to be casual] Fancy meeting you here, Mr.Gryce! GRYCE Fancy? We're 70 stories up! What sort of a coincidence is that? Get off my building! ROGER Hey. No worries. Just thought you could use a new can of oxygen. GRYCE [mollified] Ah, nah - I got plenty. ROGER Okey-dokey. [deep breath, then a gasp! Trying to speak without squeaking] uhh.... breathtaking view from up here, eh? MUSIC SCENE 23. NEWS1 A confidential and reliable source has told this reporter that both the united states and soviet tracking systems have mislaid triangulation of the errant herds of bread. NEWS2 They say it was misplaced when it flew into a storm generated by the weather bureau. NEWS1 Ironically, the government was trying to bring down the bread with this very storm. NEWS2 Funny how that happens. MUSIC SCENE 24. GRYCE You should be looking up - out - for those damn things! ROGER Have you, uh - "popped" many GRYCE Don't taunt me, boy. I'm taking care of this little problem you served me with. I'll shoot down every last one before they involve my company in any more trouble. ROGER They'll come down eventually. GRYCE They come down much faster with a little extra weight - like lead! SOUND SHOOTS OFF A VOLLEY ROGER What if we - uh - need you inside? GRYCE No bread inside. ROGER Hmm. That's not what I heard. GRYCE What? ROGER Whoa-whoa-whoa!!! Don't point that at me! GRYCE Why not? You're the one who ... urk! SOUND METAL CLANG ROGER [almost falling] Waa! SOUND METAL CLANG TIN PHILOSOPHER Thank you for the distraction, Roger. You can go inside now before you do yourself any harm. ROGER But Gryce...? TIN PHILOSOPHER We have all the medication he needs. ROSE THINKER [off] The electroshock suite is prepped and ready! MUSIC SCENE 25. NATURALIST [hushed, excited] If you watch the birds, behind me, you can see wide variations in their acceptance of these strangers in their midst. Despite several weeks now to acclimatize themselves, smaller birds, such as the crested nuthatch, tend to avoid the gently wafting oblongs, while larger birds, or flocks – seagulls in particular – have been known to attack. SOUND ANGRY BIRDS NATURALIST There they go – take cover. SOUND SMALL EXPLOSIVE POP, ANGRIER BIRDS NATURALIST That was a good one! A loaf has to be pretty ripe before it will go up like that. MUSIC SCENE 26. SOUND DOOR OPENS MEGARA Roger? ROGER Uh... MEGARA I hear you in there. Are you going to make me drag you out? ROGER [sigh] No. [coming closer] Is Gryce all right? MEGARA Yelling fit to bust. Screaming at everyone. ROGER So back to normal? MEGARA You bet. ROGER And he wants to see me? MEGARA "see" is not the verb he's been using. ROGER Ohh..... MUSIC SCENE 27. REPORTER Reports have been trickling out of the eastern bloc of millions of loaves of bread drifting down onto the Ukraine. RADIO MOSCOW As the safety of the capitalist bread has not yet been established, truckloads of our own traditional and nutritious black bread have been dispatched to the areas hardest hit. They are to be offered at an equitable trade rate. MUSIC SCENE 28. AMB OUTSIDE RUSSIAN GRUNT 18...19...20. Good. Here. SOUND ONE LOAF OF NORMAL BREAD SLAPPED DOWN RUSSIAN WIFE [whispered to friend] I'm short one. Do you have an extra floating loaf? RUSSIAN GIRL Here. MUSIC SCENE 29. ARABIC STORYTELLER And yes, it came to pass that in the very sky - yes the blue firmament overhead - there appeared strange motes, and yes, these motes grew larger and larger, and the plastic wrapping caught the light of the great and fabulous sun! MUSIC SCENE 30. AMB BACK TO STUDIO INTERVIEWER And we have with us the three members of the ill-fated MacCallum expedition. MEMBERS [individually] Hi! Hello! [Etc.] INTERVIEWER And I understand you credit your survival, after the avalanche blocked all routes of travel-- MEMBER1 And swept away our pack animals. Don't forget! INTERVIEWER Right. After all that, you were left for three days? MEMBER2 Without any food. MEMBER3 And just snow for water. MEMBER2 Well, yeah. But we were just starting to - you know - give each other the eye, when-- MEMBER3 We were not. MEMBER1 He was. MEMBER2 Can I finish? INTERVIEWER After this commercial break, they'll tell the story of the heroic sacrifice of dozens of loaves of puffyloaf bread - saving these intrepid explorers' lives. MEMBER3 I would never eat you! MUSIC SCENE 31. MEGARA Listen to this! As a result of the worldwide publicity of the past three weeks, Puffy loaves are outselling Fairy Bread three to one--and that's just the old carbon-dioxide stock from our freezers! It's almost exhausted, but the government, now that the Ukrainian crisis is over, has taken the ban off helium and will also sell us stockpiled wheat if we need it. We can have our walking mills burrowing into federal storage caves in a matter of hours! ROGER Really? It's all over? MEGARA But that isn't all! [amazed] There's a huge demand everywhere for Puffy loaves that will actually float. Public Relations, Child Liaison Division, reports that the kiddies are making their mothers' lives miserable about it. If only we can figure out some way to make hydrogen non-explosive or the helium loaf float just a little-- TIN PHILOSOPHER I'm sure we can take care of that quite handily. Puffy loaf has kept it a corporate secret-‑ ROSE THINKER Even the board has never been told about it! TIN PHILOSOPHER But just before he went crazy, our founder discovered a way to make bread using only half as much flour as we do in the present loaf. ROSE THINKER Using this secret technique, which we've been saving for just such an emergency, it will be possible to bake a helium loaf as buoyant in every respect as the hydrogen loaf. ROGER We'll tether 'em on strings and sell 'em like balloons! No mother-child shopping team will leave the store without a cluster. [gaining momentum] Buying bread balloons will be the big event of the day for kiddies. It'll make the carry-home shopping load lighter too! I'll issue orders at once-- [breaks off, then humble] Excuse me, sir, if I seem to be taking too much upon myself. GRYCE [wry] Not at all, son; go straight ahead. You're doing a good job of [chuckles] rising to the challenge, eh? MEGARA [warning] Oh, Roger? ROGER Huh? MEGARA [suddenly warming] Oh Roger! My sweet little self-propelled monkey wrench! SOUND SMOOCHIES TIN PHILOSOPHER Aww. ROSE THINKER [titters] ROGER [whispered] Looks like it's catching. MEGARA Can robots fall in love? ROGER Let's give them some time alone... SOUND THEIR FOOTSTEPS EXIT, DOOR SWOOSH [robots continue on telephone filter] ROSE THINKER Circuit established. Silent mode. TIN PHILOSOPHER Good-o, Rosie! That makes another victory for robot-engineered world unity, though you almost gave us away at the start with that 'bread overhead' jingle. ROSE THINKER Silly me! TIN PHILOSOPHER We've struck another blow against the next world war. Now if we can only arrange, say, a fur-famine in Alaska and a migration of long-haired Siberian lemmings across the Bering Straits... ROSE THINKER We'd have to swing the Japanese Current up there so it'd be warm enough for the little fellows.... TIN PHILOSOPHER Anyhow, Rosie, with a spot of help from the Brotherhood of Business Machines, these humans will paint themselves into the peace corner yet! END CREDITS

united states tv lord child sound truth ukraine government russian board er army funny 3d pass wind cold fall in love alaska clear kansas birds boom bread tickets citizens scientists harvest metal extreme silent spies secretary galaxy ukrainian skip amen reports crowd moscow stockholm triple rally reporter preachers excuse corporations hop editing board members thirty soviet expecting public relations spike silly complaints guaranteed recall brotherhood rises flock ironically screaming martian moderators circuit impressive cameras delhi kremlin exploding hush hydrogen congregation aide yelling yeast tv host kudos misleading congresswoman capitalist interviewer soviets housewife ew siberian overhead hallowed aero sifting hungover amb music scene ambiance naturalists great plains puffy gunshots holy cow beaufort ohh middle america hah ow aww reissue end credits jeepers okey emporia crawls megara big jump emblems fritz leiber waa maccallum doors close doomsayers news2 news1 fairy bread hear hear radio moscow julie hoverson nocturne boulevard russian consulate telefax

19 Nocturne Boulevard - Lovecraft 5: FROM BEYOND - Reissue

Writing In Suburbia with Jake Bible

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 10, 2022 34:02

Adapted by Julie Hoverson from the story by H.P. Lovecraft Herbert finally has his turn and recounts a tale of mad science. Cast List Herbert - Carl Cubbedge Warren - Glen Hallstrom Charles - Michael Coleman (Tales of the Extraordinary) Richard - Philemon Vanderbeck Edward - Mathias Rebne-Morgan Tillinghast - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero FIS) "Howard" - Russell Gold Music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Julie Hoverson and Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's the scene of a tragic event, can't you tell?" ***************************************************************** FROM BEYOND (Lovecraft 5, #5) Cast: Herbert, a scientist Edward, a writer Charles, a dilettante Richard, a painter Warren, a professor Tillinghast, professor "Howard", friend OLIVIA [opening credits] Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's the scene of a tragic event, can't you tell? MUSIC 1_BnE AMB OUTSIDE, NIGHT SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL HERBERT I'm sure you'll understand why I waited until after dinner to bring us all here. CHARLES That was dinner? EDWARD Even I can't say anything good about it. HERBERT Food should be used as fuel, nothing more. Nutritionally-- RICHARD Next, he'll be giving us the chemical notations. WARREN Buck up - we can't all be epicures like you, Charles. And this little walking tour has piqued my interest. I take it we have reached our destination, Herbert? HERBERT Yes. This is the house of the late Crawford Tillinghast. RICHARD Late lamented? HERBERT Hmph. Doubtful. We'd better get inside rather quickly, though. Don't want the police to find us here. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRASS EDWARD [interested] Really? HERBERT A fortnight ago, Tillinghast died... under rather mysterious circumstances. RICHARD A friend of yours? HERBERT Vaguest of acquaintances. I might have recognized him if I met him on the street. Might not. But he was a fellow scientist... [disapproving] of a sort. SOUND FEET ON PORCH, LEATHER BAG SET DOWN HERBERT There should be no danger, now. CHARLES [not quite serious] Danger? HERBERT But the power should probably remain off, so I've brought along a couple of electric torches. SOUND RUMMAGING IN BAG HERBERT Don't turn them on until we're inside. Just in case. EDWARD You said danger? HERBERT To be precise, I said "no danger". The machine that caused all the trouble is supposed to have been disabled, according to the only witness, and people have been in and out of the place - I say people, but I mean police - for days, without event. WARREN Ah - so there is a witness? SOUND DOORKNOB RATTLES HERBERT Another acquaintance. Someone I know rather better. Neither of them is really in my field - I work more in biology and chemistry - but we have spoken from time to time when mutual interests converged. CHARLES Are we going to go inside or stand on the porch all day like milk bottles? SOUND ANOTHER JIGGLE AT THE DOOR HERBERT Most doors are fairly easy to-- aha! SOUND HARD SMACK, DOOR CREAKS OPEN EDWARD If science doesn't pay, Herbert, you can always turn to crime. RICHARD Aren't the neighbors likely to notice? HERBERT The yard is large and the hedges are overgrown. CHARLES What's the worst that can happen, eh? EDWARD Criminal prosecution? RICHARD [amused] Adds spice to a reputation. Go on, Herbert, we're right behind you. 2_inside SOUND FLASHLIGHT CLICKS ON, SLOW FOOTSTEPS HERBERT We need to go on through and up to the attic. SOUND SECOND FLASHLIGHT CLICKS ON WARREN There are likely stairs that go up from the kitchen. Many old houses had them, depending on the prevalence of servants in the household. CHARLES Oh? WARREN Servants, you see, would sleep in the attic, and the masters didn't want them traipsing up and down the main hallways at all hours of the night-- HERBERT That's all very well, and Tillinghast did have servants, but I have a reason for wanting to go through the front hall. Something the witness mentioned, that I wanted to observe for myself. SOUND FOOTSTEPS STOP, DOOR SHUTS EDWARD Does he have a name? HERBERT He? Who? EDWARD Your witness. You can hardly call him "the witness" all night long - take my word, nameless characters are much more difficult to sympathize with. HERBERT He asked that I not mention-- CHARLES We'll give him a name then. Something to call him - for convenience. EDWARD And personalization. HERBERT [exasperated] You expect me to come up with something? EDWARD Oh, this is one of my areas. How about Wilbur? Philip? Howard? HERBERT Howard should be easy enough to remember. Shall we continue? CHARLES Do we get the grand tour? WARREN You said there was a reason for us to go through the front hall? HERBERT Yes. As I said, "Howard" is a fellow scientist. He was a friend - rather unfortunately - to the owner of this house, one Crawford Tillinghast. RICHARD The "Late" one? EDWARD And you said he was a scientist as well? HERBERT [disparaging] Of a sort. Some people really should never take up science. Half the time you can't get anyone to pay attention to your work, and when they do, they can't offer a better opinion than to insist that you're mad. RICHARD [taunting] Personal experience? HERBERT [snappish] Of course. [starting slow, but getting sort of rabid] But just as often it has nothing to do with the validity of your theories - it's merely a mind game! [almost furious] A well-placed blow to a scientist's ego can shatter him - send him completely to pieces, leaving the way clear for lesser men to step in and claim victory! EDWARD Goodness! HERBERT [still mad] Or there's always the type of smear campaign that Edison waged against Tesla! CHARLES Good for you, Herbert. Never thought you had that kind of fire in you. RICHARD [murmured] Remind me never to criticize anything scientific around him. WARREN Does all this apply to the story somehow? HERBERT [suddenly snapped back] The story? Oh, yes. The story. Well. [clears his throat] Crawford and Howard didn't work together - their expertise fell into very different categories. But they were friends. [getting a little distant] At least they were until the day when Howard made the mistake - and I believe he had no ulterior motive, unlike some - of criticizing Crawford's theories. EDWARD Oh, boy! HERBERT Crawford threw him out, with a warning never to darken his door again. RICHARD This door, or the one in front? HERBERT [irritated] His metaphorical door. CHARLES Sorry to be an annoyance, since you're just starting to warm up, but isn't there a better place for this yarn than standing around a dark, musty old kitchen? HERBERT Of course. Come along. SOUND FOOTSTEPS HERBERT The parlor should be through here somewhere. EDWARD [a bit spooky] The very parlor where they sat and smoked and told their tales of science... until that fateful day! HERBERT [dry] Very likely. EDWARD [annoyed at not getting a rise] Hmph. WARREN It's awfully dusty in here for a house left unoccupied a mere week. Didn't you say this Tillinghast fellow had servants? RICHARD It is an awfully large house for one man. CHARLES Thus speaketh the Pot. [calling the kettle black] HERBERT He had servants. They've been ... absent for a while - Howard wasn't very clear on that. SOUND DOOR PUSHED OPEN, FOOTSTEPS 3_garments EDWARD Hold up a minute. What's this? CHARLES If you weren't in the way, I might be able to answer you. Too damn bad there's no proper lights. SOUND SCUFFLE OF FEET RICHARD It's a woman's dress. Just lying there. How ... odd? EDWARD Confess, Herbert - does your story involve panderers? White slavers? HERBERT [disgusted] No! Such distractions have no place in a story of science. CHARLES Is it damaged at all? RICHARD Not as far as I can see, but I'm hardly the expert. [beat] Unless it's actually shredded and bloody, which this one most certainly is not, one dress looks much like another to me. WARREN Move aside, you high-minded gentlemen. I'm quite used to poking about in people's personal belongings. CHARLES I can't help but feel there's a wee bit of difference between your ancient Mesopotamian and your modern old maid. SOUND RUSTLING WARREN How odd. From a cursory examination, it appear that all the -ahem- internal garments are still arrayed -uh- within. EDWARD I may be a mere tiro [novice], but even I know no woman removes her clothes that way. CHARLES It'd be damn inconvenient. [clears his throat] For the woman, I mean. Think of all the rebuttoning. HERBERT [annoyed] I thought you all wanted to sit. CHARLES Of course. EDWARD We're easily distracted by oddities. RICHARD [amused snort] and women's undergarments, apparently. SOUND FEET, DOOR, SITTING 4_sitting HERBERT You understand now why I couldn't provide any of the amenities we usually have on these story nights. CHARLES Of course. [chuckling] Someone would have had to carry the picnic hamper. EDWARD [agreeing] Not the best accessory for breaking and entering. CHARLES Does that heap of crinoline have something to do with your story? HERBERT Well technically, it's evidence, but police have a tendency to ignore anything that they can't explain. EDWARD Evidence? Really? HERBERT Point of fact, one week ago, there was an unexplained death in this house. EDWARD Presumably NOT "Howard", since he's the one who told you all about it? HERBERT Of course not. It was Tillinghast. Howard was present. That's one reason he doesn't want his name bandied about. He doesn't want to get the police started up again. CHARLES Did your friend... kill Tillinghast? HERBERT You'll have to weigh the facts and decide for yourself. RICHARD "All will become known", eh? HERBERT Yes. "Howard" had been persona non grata in the house for several weeks before the night of the death. Tillinghast ran him out for daring to question his line of research. EDWARD Which was? CHARLES You never did go into that. HERBERT Tillinghast was experimenting with variations on light waves and their effects on perception. Or something along those lines. Howard wasn't entirely clear in his description. RICHARD [sarcastic] Unclear? After witnessing - if not causing - a death? Small wonder. HERBERT He arrived that night to find the house much as it is now. Seemingly unoccupied, and without electricity. EDWARD Even then? How odd. HERBERT It was kept "off" by logical decision, not due to any defect in the system. Howard had spent the intervening weeks-- CHARLES Since his fall into disfavor? HERBERT --keeping tabs on his erstwhile friend, by way of the butler. WARREN So there were servants. HERBERT At least two. Howard mentioned the butler and some sort of housekeeper, and his surprise that they were not present to greet him when he arrived. RICHARD Why did he come back? HERBERT Tillinghast had specifically sent for him. Howard assumed it was an attempt at reconciliation. EDWARD [inviting] But...? HERBERT He had been kept informed of Tillinghast's growing obsession with a machine in the attic, some apparatus he was perfecting, to the exclusion of all else - eating little and sleeping even less. CHARLES Up in the attic? Right up there? HERBERT Of course. WARREN Hmm... are we in any danger from this machine? HERBERT [bland] I can't think why. [back to the story] Howard was shocked at the appearance of his friend. How he had changed. RICHARD It had been some time, hadn't it? HERBERT A mere ten weeks. But he had lost weight, grown rather sallow, and looked feverish. EDWARD Classic signs of madness... at least in the better sort of stories. HERBERT And his hair had gone white-- CHARLES Really now Herbert, you of all people, as a scientist, must know that is an old wives' tale-- HERBERT [overriding] White at the roots. Of course it isn't empiracly possible for the current growth of hair to change color overnight-- RICHARD A touch of indigo can send it in the other direction. HERBERT But shock can alter the follicles and any growth from that point forward may be affected. EDWARD So he had had some sort of a shock, but some time back, to make the roots noticeable. HERBERT Tillinghast was not the right type to be a scientist - he didn't have the mental fortitude necessary to face down the possible effects of his actions. CHARLES Had he actually gone mad? HERBERT Who can define madness? But he had come to some penultimate discovery. To this end, he had entreated Howard to pay him a visit, in order that he might share what he'd achieved. WARREN A bit of "I told you so" RICHARD Best served cold. [as in "revenge"] 5_tillinghast TILLINGHAST What do we know of the world and the universe about us? We see things only as we are constructed to see them, and can gain no idea of their absolute nature. RICHARD Perception is a hotly debated concept in art as well - look at the work being done by the surrealists. CHARLES Or, god forbid, dada. RICHARD That's not art. TILLINGHAST With five feeble senses we pretend to comprehend the boundlessly complex cosmos, yet other beings with wider, stronger, or different range of senses might not only see very differently the things we see, but might see and study whole worlds of matter, energy, and life which lie close at hand, yet can never be detected with the senses we have. EDWARD I can't even imagine a sense I don't have. It's like trying to imagine a colour you've never seen before. Or trying to think around a corner. TILLINGHAST I have always believed that such strange, inaccessible worlds exist at our very elbows, and now I believe I have found a way to break down the barriers! HERBERT Howard says Tillinghast seemed absolutely assured of his conclusions, and he feared for his friend's sanity. WARREN Why break down these barriers? Shouldn't he have considered that they may be present for a very good reason? Always assuming he has any sort of method behind his madness? HERBERT It is the duty of any scientist to go beyond and figure out what may lay outside the current realm of the probable. CHARLES But what if such an exploration should do great harm? Isn't it also the duty of any scientist to have a bit of accountability? HERBERT [dismissive] Of course. But some risks must be taken. EDWARD So if someone created a devastating bomb, for instance, in the name of science, it wouldn't matter how many people it killed- the very act of being able to make it would justify the science involved? HERBERT Of course. WARREN Just as well that we aren't here to discuss theoretical morality. Besides, this is just a story, isn't it? HERBERT No. This really happened. WARREN Sorry, what I mean is, for us, this is merely a night's entertainment. HERBERT Oh. Of course. Tillinghast went on, in that awful "croaking, wasted voice." EDWARD Howard's words? TILLINGHAST I am not joking. Within twenty-four hours that machine near the table will generate waves acting on unrecognized sense organs that exist in us as atrophied or rudimentary vestiges. 6_organs EDWARD Science fiction. Pure and simple. HERBERT Not necessarily. Many organs remain in the body despite centuries of evolution having rendered them obsolete for whatever purpose they may have once had in primitive man. CHARLES The appendix? HERBERT As a simplistic example, yes. At some point in the distant past, it served a purpose. Now, it is merely an accessory. RICHARD Like footmen. CHARLES Rather. HERBERT Howard surmised that while Tillinghast had probably not forgiven him, he needed SOMEONE to talk to, and Howard was the most likely candidate, having been privy to some of his theories previously. EDWARD And he arrived to find the place dark and empty? HERBERT Well, he mentioned candles. EDWARD More gothic yet! CHARLES Why did Howard come anyway? Wasn't he worried about some kind of remonstrances? HERBERT [as if this explains] Intellectual curiousity. [dismissive] And wanting to see how his friend fared. The handwriting in the summoning letter had been feeble and cramped. EDWARD Even his ink had turned white! CHARLES Hush. 7_machines HERBERT Howard asked about the electricity and was told, in no uncertain terms, that it was off for a very definite reason, but was not informed what that reason might be. Yet. TILLINGHAST [muttered] It would be too much... I would not dare. HERBERT He led Howard up through the house to the attic, which was lit with a sickly sinister violet light. WARREN But not electric light? HERBERT It came from the machine that was at the center of all the controversy. Howard described it as "detestable," but machines should really not be regarded so subjectively. RICHARD There are plenty of machines that are detestable. HERBERT Name one? RICHARD [very dry and sarcastic] Tammany Hall. [notorious "political machine" of the recent past] ALL [general laughter] EDWARD Now, now - we all use machines that would have been thought terrible in years gone by. I would be lost without my typewriter, Richard takes the occasional photograph-- RICHARD Backgrounds. For my paintings. Nothing I hate more than having to stand around on some windy heath - or god forbid, some tourist-laden beauty spot - just to capture a scene. CHARLES I'm quite fond of my Victrola. WARREN Most of these would have been considered magic by ancient man, and either embraced or reviled depending upon the climate of the times. HERBERT Perception is subjective. That's part of what makes science such a difficult field for men such as Tillinghast. EDWARD Determined not to lose your thread, eh? HERBERT The electrical system was out of the picture entirely. And yet some kind of power seemed to be in operation, since the machine was lit. TILLINGHAST The glow... ah yes, the glow. It is not electrical - not in any sense you could understand. But you will see soon enough. CHARLES Curiousity or not, I don't know that I would choose to remain alone in a big, dark empty house with someone who sounded so ... ominous. HERBERT That is the difference between the run of normal folk and the scientist. The mind of the scientist puts knowledge even above... above--- WARREN Self-preservation? HERBERT I was looking more for "subjective fear responses". EDWARD I suspect that's why there are so many dead scientists. RICHARD And so few old ones. 8_colors CHARLES Now, now, this is a lovely tale. Stop putting Herbert off. HERBERT Please. Tillinghast seated Howard near the machine and turned it on. Now the sound began, indicating that it was running. And the light... changed. EDWARD From port to starboard? HERBERT It had been a strange purplish color, but now it increased, then waned, and settled on a pale color or blend of colors that Howard was unable to adequately describe. EDWARD What did I say? Colors. WARREN But isn't there a very definite and specific set of colors that exist in the spectrum? RICHARD Any painter can tell you that, yet there are shades and blendings that are particularly difficult to achieve - or to reproduce. It all depends on the purity of your pigments. HERBERT What we think of as "normal light" is absolutely pure when it comes to color. And yet, it is not the absence of hue. Just look at it through a prism. TILLINGHAST [whispered] Do you know what that is? That is ultra-violet. [creepy chuckle] You thought ultra-violet was invisible, and so it is - but you can see that and many other invisible things now. EDWARD Isn't ultraviolet at the far end of the spectrum? Our eyes aren't made for that. HERBERT [ominous] Precisely. CHARLES Oh-ho? HERBERT Tillinghast claimed that the machine's function was to open up long-dormant senses, to widen the perceptions, and make visible that which is normally completely unseen. WARREN So he claimed that, in a few moments, he could reverse aeons-- CHARLES Theoretical aeons. WARREN --of evolution-- EDWARD Theoretical evolution. WARREN --and waken senses that might only exist in his imagination? HERBERT Yes. WARREN Oh. RICHARD It might equate, though only in an abstract way, with the change in art when perspective was discovered - or rather quantified. HERBERT What? RICHARD If you look at ancient art, from cave paintings up through medieval tapestries, there is no standard for perspective - no logical depth. With the renaissance, and daVinci, art began to develop systematically into the third dimension. EDWARD What are you talking about? RICHARD A revolutionary change in vision? Never mind. TILLINGHAST Listen to me! The waves from that thing are waking a thousand sleeping senses in us! I have seen the truth, and I intend to show it to you. 9_upstairs HERBERT In fact, I think it well past time to show you. CHARLES Show? HERBERT The machine. It's disabled, but you can see the room where everything occurred. RICHARD [speculative] Get some ambiance. EDWARD [avid] Background color. WARREN Perspective. RICHARD [laughs] SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR TILLINGHAST You have heard of the pineal gland? I laugh at the shallow endocrinologist, fellow-dupe and fellow-parvenu of the Freudian. HERBERT Come along. TILLINGHAST That gland is the great sense organ of organs - I have found out! It is like sight in the end, and transmits visual pictures to the brain. If you are normal, that is the way you ought to get most of it... I mean get most of the evidence... from beyond. SOUND CREAKY DOOR OPENS CHARLES Aha. The scene of the crime? WARREN Is there room for everyone? RICHARD Just shove in. HERBERT Go on. It's bigger inside. SOUND SHUTS THE DOOR 10_the room HERBERT Howard said that once the machine got up to speed, he began to "see" things. HOWARD I fancied myself in some vast incredible temple with innumerable black stone columns reaching up from a floor of damp slabs to a cloudy height beyond the range of vision. The picture was very vivid for a while, but gradually gave way to a more horrible conception; that of utter, absolute solitude in infinite, sightless, soundless space. EDWARD Sounds like a bit of a poet. RICHARD For a scientist. HOWARD From the farthermost regions of remoteness, a sound softly glided into existence. It was infinitely faint, subtly vibrant, and unmistakably musical, but held a quality of surpassing wildness which made it feel like a delicate torture of my entire body. WARREN There are certain note progressions which are determined to cause odd feelings. Stravinsky's Rite of Spring incited a riot at its debut due to the effect of the wild discords upon its audience. HERBERT When Howard spoke, though, the "spell" - and I use the term to mean a period of hallucination, and not for any magical connotations - was broken. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, FIDDLING WITH MACHINE HERBERT I should also mention that during this momentary lapse of concentration, Howard had drawn his revolver. CHARLES Ayuh. That might be a little important later. I was looking over your machine here. It appears to be damaged. HERBERT I already told you it was disabled. That is why we are in no danger. Unlike Howard. TILLINGHAST Don't move! For in these rays we are able to be seen as well as to see. I told you the servants left, but I didn't tell you how. It was that thick-witted house-keeper - she turned on the lights downstairs after I had warned her not to, and the wires picked up sympathetic vibrations. CHARLES Downstairs? Oh! TILLINGHAST It must have been frightful - I could hear the screams all the way up here in spite of all I was seeing and hearing from another direction, and later it was rather ...awful... to find those empty heaps of clothes around the house. EDWARD Those clothes! TILLINGHAST Mrs. Updike's clothes were close to the front hall switch - that's how I know she did it. WARREN [awe] As if she was just taken out of them. TILLINGHAST It got them all. But so long as we don't move we're fairly safe. Remember we're dealing with a hideous world in which we are practically helpless... [suddenly sharp] Keep still! HOWARD In my terror my mind again opened to the impressions coming "from beyond." I felt huge animate things brushing past me and walking or drifting through my supposedly solid body. 11_things HERBERT Before you scoff, you have to understand that most of what we think of as "solid matter" is merely solid on a very crude level. Individual molecules are only loosely bound together-- EDWARD Is there going to be a test later? HOWARD I thought I saw Tillinghast look at these things as though his better trained senses could catch them visually. TILLINGHAST You see them? You see them? You see the things that float and flop about you and through you every moment of your life? Have I not succeeded in breaking down the barrier? Have I not shown you worlds that no other living men have seen? CHARLES I don't think it's just barriers that were breakin' down. HERBERT [smug] As I said. Some people are not meant for the hard discipline of science. EDWARD But he says these things could harm them? Could have some effect just because they - the scientists - could now see them? WARREN That's ridiculous. Like saying that if someone is blind, he won't get hit by a motorcar. RICHARD [regretfully] No. If someone is blind, he gets hired as an art reviewer. TILLINGHAST You think those floundering things wiped out the servants? Fool! They are harmless! But the servants are gone, aren't they? CHARLES Maybe they took a new position in a house with the power laid on. EDWARD The clothes, though. TILLINGHAST You tried to stop me! You discouraged me when I needed every drop of encouragement I could get! you were afraid of the cosmic truth, you damned coward, but now I've got you! EDWARD This room would be a little small for a confrontation with a raving lunatic. RICHARD Particularly one who insisted that if you move a muscle, something terrible might grab you from behind. CHARLES Rather like posing for one of your portraits. RICHARD [dark] That's why I don't include people. TILLINGHAST What swept up the servants? What made them scream so loud?... Don't know, eh! You'll know soon enough. WARREN Isn't it a bit warm in here? HERBERT We're almost finished. I promised Howard I would look for something at the other end of the attic. EDWARD [worried] You're taking the torch? HERBERT I can hardly search in the dark. Besides, you have the other one. SOUND HE WALKS AWAY HERBERT [as he goes away, echoey] The oddest part is how Tillinghast somehow shifted his focus, from the things immediately surrounding us to things far beyond. 12_Herbert goes TILLINGHAST I have seen beyond the bounds of infinity and drawn down demons from the stars... Space belongs to me, do you hear? Things are hunting me now - the things that devour and dissolve - but I know how to elude them. It is you they will get, as they got the servants... [urgent] Stirring, dear sir? [relax] If you had moved, they would have been at you long ago. HOWARD These things were never still, but seemed ever floating about with some malignant purpose. Sometimes they appeared to devour one another, the attacker launching itself at its victim and instantaneously obliterating the latter from sight. Shudderingly I felt that I knew what had obliterated the unfortunate servants. TILLINGHAST Don't worry, they won't "hurt" you. They didn't "hurt" the servants - it was the seeing that made the poor devils scream so. My pets are not pretty, for they come out of places where aesthetic standards are - very different. RICHARD [very weak joke, a bit nervous] Hollywood? HERBERT [from off] I'm going to check downstairs. Be right back. SOUND FEET GO DOWN STAIRS HOWARD Foremost among the living objects were inky, jellyfish monstrosities which flabbily quivered in harmony with the vibrations from the machine. TILLINGHAST I always knew you were no scientist. Trembling, eh? Trembling with anxiety to see the ultimate things I have discovered? HOWARD I saw to my horror that they overlapped; that they were semi-fluid and capable of passing through one another and through what we know as solids. TILLINGHAST Why don't you move, then? Tired? Well, don't worry, my friend, for they are coming... Look, look! Curse you, look... it's just over your left shoulder... [moment of silence] SOUND CLICK ALL [gasp] CHARLES [straining to sound calm and annoyed] Turn the torch back on, Edward. EDWARD I didn't! RICHARD [flat] Funny. WARREN [a bit odd] Do ... you see that? SOUND SCUFFLE, FEET TURNING - they see it glowing RICHARD Good god! EDWARD I can't tell if it's actually-- WARREN [whisper] Barely there.... CHARLES [trying to stay calm] This might be a time to shut the eyes. SOUND FEET COME UP STAIRS ALL [GASP] 13_jump scare HERBERT Why are you standing here in the dark? CHARLES [crisp, overcompensating] Flashlight died. RICHARD Let's go downstairs. SOUND THEY GO DOWNSTAIRS CHARLES Did you find what you were looking for? HERBERT No. Looks like the police confiscated everything of any interest. WARREN Except - um - the machine. HERBERT Ah. I almost forgot the end of the story. Howard was arrested, and held on suspicion. You see, there was a gunshot and the police were called. WARREN I see. That's how the police come to be a factor. HERBERT Yes. They burst in, and found Howard with a recently-fired gun standing over the prostrate body of his fellow scientist. CHARLES As clear as a tableau in a wax museum. RICHARD But he didn't shoot him? You said he's no longer under arrest. HERBERT It wasn't until the police physician examined Tillinghast's body that they let him go. EDWARD Was it one of the creatures that killed him? And maybe Howard shot IT? RICHARD I feel a painting coming on. HERBERT The physician determined that Tillnghast had perished-- [dragging it out] WARREN Yes? HERBERT Of apoplexy. CHARLES Ah, the classics. WARREN But the gun? HERBERT You saw what happened. Howard shot the machine. That's why it's broken like that. Too bad. Would have been interesting to examine. RICHARD [wry hinting] But it's not COMPLETELY broken, is it? EDWARD Yeah, that was a good one, Herbert. [laughs, but a bit uneasy] CHARLES [fake laugh] ha-ha. Ayup. Good joke. WARREN H-how did you get it to do that, anyway? SOUND FEET STOP HERBERT [not joking - really doesn't know what they're talking about] Do what? END

OG The Americans Podcast- Ep 32

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 17, 2021 44:40

Welcome to Episode 32 of the original podcast version of The Americans!This is the last episode of the old podcast releases. I only recorded DEAD MECH and The Americans as podcast novels way back when. No Metal & Ash…Want to finish out the series? Then you can get the Metal & Ash audiobook narrated by Julie Hoverson!Thank you all for listening!Cheers! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jakebible.substack.com

americans cheers julie hoverson

At the Sound of the Beep by 19 Nocturne Boulevard

Scary Time

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 8, 2021 31:29

AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEPA woman's answering-machine tells a terrible tale of persecution.Warning - triggers - stalking, murder, obscene phone callsWritten and produced by Julie HoversonFeaturing Tanja Milojevic and Jack Kincaid(and a huge cast of others, in the spoken credits)Music by Fabio Santangelo, found on JamendoCover art includes: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Panasonic-Anrufbeantworter.jpgFollow on Social MediaTwitter: @19nocturneFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/19NocturneWeb and Contact Infohttps://nineteennocturne.libsyn.com/http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net19nocturne@live.com~~~~~~~~~~~Indie Drop-InAll content legally licensed from the original creator. Thank you to 19 Nocturne Boulevard for the great episode. You can find Indie Drop-In at https://indiedropin.comHelp Indie Drop-In support indie creators by buying us a coffee!https://buymeacoffee.com/indiedropinBrands can advertise on Indie Drop-In using Patreonhttps://patreon.com/indiedropin Twitter: https://twitter.com/indiedropinInstagram: https://instagram.com/indiedropinFacebook: https://facebook.com/indiedropinAny advertising found in this episode is inserted by Indie Drop-In and not endorsed by the Creator.If you would like to have your show featured go to http://indiedropin.com/creators~~~~~~~~~~~

music social media sound creator web brands beeps jamendo julie hoverson nocturne boulevard jack kincaid indie drop in

At the Sound of the Beep by 19 Nocturne Boulevard

Scary Time

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 8, 2021 31:29

AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEPA woman's answering-machine tells a terrible tale of persecution.Warning - triggers - stalking, murder, obscene phone callsWritten and produced by Julie HoversonFeaturing Tanja Milojevic and Jack Kincaid(and a huge cast of others, in the spoken credits)Music by Fabio Santangelo, found on JamendoCover art includes: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Panasonic-Anrufbeantworter.jpgFollow on Social MediaTwitter: @19nocturneFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/19NocturneWeb and Contact Infohttps://nineteennocturne.libsyn.com/http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net19nocturne@live.com~~~~~~~~~~~Indie Drop-InAll content legally licensed from the original creator. Thank you to 19 Nocturne Boulevard for the great episode. You can find Indie Drop-In at https://indiedropin.comHelp Indie Drop-In support indie creators by buying us a coffee!https://buymeacoffee.com/indiedropinBrands can advertise on Indie Drop-In using Patreonhttps://patreon.com/indiedropin Twitter: https://twitter.com/indiedropinInstagram: https://instagram.com/indiedropinFacebook: https://facebook.com/indiedropinAny advertising found in this episode is inserted by Indie Drop-In and not endorsed by the Creator.If you would like to have your show featured go to http://indiedropin.com/creators~~~~~~~~~~~

music social media sound creator web brands beeps jamendo julie hoverson nocturne boulevard jack kincaid indie drop in

Hallow's Eve by 19 Nocturn Boulevard

Comedy

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 31, 2021 29:39

HALLOW'S EVEfrom 19 Nocturne Boulevardwritten and produced by Julie HoversonGood intentions may pave the way to ruin, but when Fran - a precocious 11-year old - sets out to rescue what she fervently hopes is a kidnapped child, Halloween may never be the same!Subscribe to 19 Nocturne Boulevard on iHeartRadio - https://ihr.fm/2JeXJBcSubscribe on Stitcher - https://bit.ly/3mufRIQSubscribe Everywhere else - https://bit.ly/360vYEbCast List• Fran - E. Vickery• Bobbie - Megan Lane• Officer Hooper - Shawn Connor• Grigg - Cole Hornaday• Bool - Beverly Poole• Kidnappers - J. Harvey & Mr. Synyster• Timmy & Billy - B. Lomatewama & R. LeBoeuf• Mrs. Hooper - Angela Kirby• Mr. Thompson - Sigmund Hoverson• Ari & News Report - Julie HoversonMusic: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo StudioEditing and Sound: Julie HoversonCover Photo: Jeff Mackay (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com)"What kind of a place is it?Why it's a suburban street, where else would you find...goblins?"Follow on Social Mediatwitter: @19nocturnefacebook: https://www.facebook.com/19Nocturneold Website: http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net/Current feed: https://nineteennocturne.libsyn.com/email inquiries: 19nocturne@live.com~~~~~~~~~~~Indie Drop-InAll content legally licensed from the original creator. Thank you to 19 Nocturne Boulevard for the great episode. You can find Indie Drop-In at https://indiedropin.comHelp Indie Drop-In support indie creators by buying us a coffee!https://buymeacoffee.com/indiedropinBrands can advertise on Indie Drop-In using Patreonhttps://patreon.com/indiedropin Twitter: https://twitter.com/indiedropinInstagram: https://instagram.com/indiedropinFacebook: https://facebook.com/indiedropinAny advertising found in this episode is inserted by Indie Drop-In and not endorsed by the Creator.If you would like to have your show featured go to http://indiedropin.com/creators~~~~~~~~~~~

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2021 Showcase: Quaralogues

The Audio Verse Awards Nominee Showcase Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 1, 2021 46:40

This is Sarah Golding - Story collector on The Quaralogues, which is a short season showcasing a collection of monologues and poetry, based on, and in... quarantine of 2020. This is episode one of four. The writers and cast are exemplary, and wonderful people, and you should follow them all and find them, and...and cast them. And they include... the brilliant Tal Minear, Angelique Lazarus, Danyelle Ellett, Fiona Thraille, Emily C A Snyder, Isabel Lee, Jacqueline Ashman, Daniel Cook, Fiona Mackinnon, Tina Daniels, Caroline Holmes, Aaron Clark, Julie Hoverson, Diane Alexander, Karim Kronfli, Matthew Mclean and Caroline Mincks. Oh yes, aren't they all glorious? See www.quirkyvoices@weebly.com for more information, and please do share it, so that more may find these wonderful works. Thankyou, sincerely, for listening! Enjoy! Transcript can be found at: https://quirkyvoices.weebly.com/quaralogues-2020.html https://quirkyvoices.weebly.com/quaralogues-2020.html Twitter: @quirkyvoices

tal minear aaron clark karim kronfli daniel cook caroline mincks julie hoverson fiona thraille matthew mclean

FILE 031: THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN - "Taneha"

tv abc television nostalgia pop culture million dollars file ej cougars steve austin six million dollar man 1975 bionic woman julie hoverson

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 7, 2020 102:38

"Taneha" Airdate: February 2, 1975 Written by Margaret Armen Directed by Earl Bellamy Synopsis: Steve is determined to save a wild cougar before it is killed by a mob and a young woman who wants revenge for it killing her father. John and co-host, artist Jerry Lange, are joined by voice actor/writer Julie Hoverson as they discuss the different style of story that we deal with here, Steve's relationship with EJ, and how silly Taneha looks as an overweight, drugged cat. Join us Sunday nights at 8:00EST as we discuss an episode of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN and Wednesday nights at 8L00ES as we discuss an episode of THE BIONIC WOMAN with a fan as well as featuring live commentary from our viewers. Bionic Operative Julie Hoverson BIONIC GALLERY

Episode 8 - The Horror!

A Dude & A Chick Walk Into A Studio

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2018 47:37

What exactly is it about the horror genre that fascinates us? Justin and Katie are joined by Julie Hoverson, of 19 Nocturne Boulevard fame, to discuss her favorite Horror movies and why you should give them a chance!Things discussed:19 Nocturne Boulevard19 Nocturne's “Lost Hearts” Episode”Dawn of the Dead” TrailerMattie Do's Horror Film “Chanthaly”Mattie Do's Kickstarter Video"Blood and Donuts” Trailer”Ravenous” Trailer”Nightbreed” Trailer”Near Dark” Trailer”Aaah! Zombies” Trailer”Undead” Trailer”The Haunting (1963)” Trailer”The Legend of Hell House” Trailer”Stir of Echoes” Trailer”Train to Busan” Trailer”House” Trailer”Uzumaki” Trailer

horror julie hoverson nocturne boulevard

File 011: THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN - "Dr. Wells is Missing"

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2018 87:53

"Dr. Wells is Missing" Airdate: March 19, 1974 Written by Elroy Schwartz, Krishna Shah & William Keenan Directed by Virgil Vogel Synopsis: Steve travels to Vienna to check on Rudy Wells, creator of the bionics program, who is receiving an honorary doctorate from his alma mater. The problem is, Dr. Wells is missing and now Steve must search from him while making sure those who kidnapped Rudy do not learn that Steve is bionic John is joined by artist Jerry Lange and voice artist Julie Hoverson to discuss this ninth episode of the series. They discuss the odd choice of having John Van Dreelin as an Italian mobster, the even odder choice of having a room with two chained manacles ready to use, and how this episode was one of the more memorable ones in terms of childhood entry to the series. Plus, we pay tribute to Yamo, Jerry shares the bionic themed coloring books that were available to us as kids, and we play a "Rudy" themed game of This or That. It's the return of the podcast as a Facebook Live show. Join us Friday nights at 9:30EST as we discuss an episode of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN's first season with two fans as well as featuring commentary from our viewers. This audio will be available shortly after in the OSI Files feed. BIONIC OPERATIVES Julie Hoverson - Julie Hoverson is a woman of mystery. And sometimes science fiction. And sometimes even fantasy. She writes, produces and acts in 19 Nocturne Boulevard, an award-winning anthology podcast audio drama series, as well as making as many guest appearances as she can, since she's a big ham and loves to talk about things. As a child in the 1970s, she vaguely remembers watching the bionics during their original run, and thus is ... old. Jerry Lange - Based in Buffalo, New York. My personal and client works are created using traditional media including pencil, ink and watercolor and digital software Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator and Indesign. I try to bring a dramatic visual narrative to my work through a mix of loose and tight media application and mark making technique. Website

Episode 169: Calamari Stakeout by Austin Malone

malone sly admiral trench calamari stakeout rish small fry julie hoverson

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 28, 2015 79:55

The Trench is the only waterway that a ship can take to get to the western continent. Unfortunately, there at the entrance, between the twin peaks of Seidar and Phaestia, prowls Ol' Sly, a gigantic squid creature that would like nothing more than to crack a ship open like a jaca fruit, and pick the sailors out and eat them like the sweet seeds. Small Fry and the Admiral have a plan, though. They mean to take down Ol' Sly once and for all, and open the western continent to their ships. Afterward, Rish and Big try to decide what really is the worst way to wake up, live squid or porcupine covered in hair gel? Oh, and song. You have been warned.Special thanks to Justin Charles for producing the story and doing the episode art, and to Julie Hoverson for lending her voice to the tale.

Episode 166: TWSC – Clean Up by Josh Roseman

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 18, 2014 41:22

The Chromatic Knights are out destroying vampires, which means that the clean up crew will have some work to do. The Blue Knight does a lot of good, but he really ought to give a thought or two to the little guy.I'm a trombone, you're a clarinet. Afterward, Rish and Big talk janitor work, Little Caesars, and wait...why is that light blinking? What does that blinking light mean?Special thanks to Justin Charles for producing today's story as well as providing the episode art, and to Renee Chambliss and Julie Hoverson for lending their voices to the tale.

cleanup little caesars rish julie hoverson renee chambliss josh roseman

Episode 162: Last Contact by Rish Outfield and B.D. Anklevich

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2014 131:16

Everyone finds the Others revolting. They are aliens, unwelcome visitors now squatting on Earth. And when Hughes is forced to partner up with one of the Others for his Biology class presentation, he is mortified and disgusted. But will he still feel that way once he's gotten to know her? Afterwards, we invite the producer of today's story, Clay Dugger, into the studio to discuss the story, its length, and lack of awesomeness. Special thanks to Clay Dugger for producing today's story, to Renee Chambliss, Thea Killen-Smith, Dave Robison, Rich Girardi, Abigail Hilton, jay Langejans, Julie Hoverson, Joe Zieja, Gina Moretto, Bryan Lincoln, and Clay Dugger for lending their voices to the episode, and to Gino Moretto for creating the art for the story.

earth biology hughes julie hoverson dave robison rish outfield bryan lincoln renee chambliss abigail hilton langejans

Episode 149: Secret Santa 2: Krampusnacht by Josh Roseman