Podcast appearances and mentions of julie hoverson

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Best podcasts about julie hoverson

Latest podcast episodes about julie hoverson

The Wizard Scroll
WH45: Julie Hoverson

The Wizard Scroll

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 4, 2025 85:05


Today on Wizard Hang, I sit down and chat with the Diva of 19 Nocturne Boulevard, Julie Hoverson! Join us as we meander from topic to topic & discuss Julie's vast variety of content, both released & otherwise. *Originally published 12/10/2024 on Wizard Scroll NIGHTS Join the 19 Nocturne Boulevard Discord Server! Links to everything: https://linktr.ee/thewizardscroll Show artwork by Nick Vanamee Songs used: Startup NEW GAME & Druids Encounter- Equip ; Iceberg Lab- Crash Twinsanity OST Clips used: El Rollo del Mago (Wizard Scroll en Español) ; 19 Nocturne Boulevard English vs German Dub Comparison ; "Wake The Fuck Up, Samurai. We Have a City To Burn" Johnny Silverhand | CyberPunk2077 ; Jesse Cox Plays with Himself ; CohhCarnage Meets His Character In Cyberpunk 2077 For The First Time ; WH18: Chris & Allan's Excellent Adventure ; Calculon - Dramatic... PAUSE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

HOT COPY RADIO THEATER
THICKER THAN WATER

HOT COPY RADIO THEATER

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 10, 2024 44:56


Newspaperwoman Anne Rogers and private detective Jeff Warren investigate the suspicious death of a man's long-lost brother.Adapted from the script of a lost episode of the radio drama “Hot Copy”.Original broadcast on Sunday, October 1, 1944.OUR CAST:Rhonda Sigler-Ware … Ann Rogers.Jerry Kokich … Lt. Mike Flannigan, and also, Leo.Patrick Brancato … Jeff Warren.Samantha Thompson … Spritely Poole. Kenny Hertling … Mr. Brandon.Steve Fisher ... Trigger Malone.David Robbins ... Eddie.Steve Mize ... Joe.Julie Hoverson ... Tommy.Logan Smith ... Announcer.Jim Goodluck ... Producer / Director / Audio Editor.SOUND EFFECTS CREDITS:Freesound.org .Thunder Tube - Inspector J .Public Domain .CONTACT US!If you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please feel free to email:hotcopyradiotheater@gmail.comX (Twitter):@hotcopyradioFacebook page:https://www.facebook.com/HotCopyRadioTheater Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The OSI Files podcast
FILE 063 - THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN - "Big Brother"

The OSI Files podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 11, 2023 142:48


"Big Brother" Airdate: March 7, 1976 Written by Kenneth Johnson Directed by Cliff Bole Synopsis: Steve helps a street kid overcome his gambling addiction by becoming his Big Brother. John and Jerry are joined by voice actor Julie Hoverson as they discuss the music in the episode, the Big Brother program, and the third season over as it comes to a conclusion Bionic Operative Julie HOverson

Sole Twin Audios Network
[Old Time Radio Theatre] Lucille Fletcher's Sorry Wrong Number Starring Julie Hoverson

Sole Twin Audios Network

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 7, 2023 35:24


Sole Twin Audios presents a recreation of Suspense' "Sorry Wrong Number," an episode made famous by Agnes Moorehead who played the main role 7 times for Suspense. Directed and Produced by Rachel Pulliam - https://www.castingcall.club/soletwinaudios Cast: Announcer - Dean T. Moody - www.deantmoodyvoice.com Mrs. Stevenson - Julie Hoverson of @19NocturneBoulevard Operator - Christina Roberts - cnroberts.com Man - Robin Robins - https://www.castingcall.club/robinrvo George - Dean T. Moody - www.deantmoodyvoice.com Chief Operator - Karen Corrado - https://www.castingcall.club/karenm Sargent Martin - Jerry Kokich - http://jerrykokichvoiceactor.weebly.com/ Western Union - Michael Hornstein - https://www.castingcall.club/the-ultimate-voice-actor Information - Madeleine Hamley - https://www.castingcall.club/nossorgs Hotel Receptionist/Caller - Gina Moravec - https://www.castingcall.club/ginam Music by Ross Bernhardt - https://www.bernhardtmusic.com/ FX by freesound.org

The OSI Files podcast
FILE 062: THE BIONIC WOMAN - "Claws"

The OSI Files podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 2, 2023 63:28


"Claws" Airdate: Febraury 25, 1976 Written by Sue Milburn Directed by Phil Bondelli Synopsis: Jaime must prove that a mountain lion on an animal reserve is not responsible for the deaths of nearby cattle. John and Liz are joined by voice actor Julie Hoverson as they discuss the better stunt animal, the sudden appearance of an uncle of Jaime's and Tippi Heddren. Bionic Operative Julie HOverson

19 Nocturne Boulevard
The Temple, from a story by H.P. Lovecraft adapted by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 9, 2023 34:20


The crew of a U-Boat in the Great War find some danger runs very very deep CAST Cap. Karl Heinrich - Rick Lewis Lt. Keinze - J. Hoverson Crew:  Shawn Connor & Bryan Hendricksen Music by:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Art - Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a U-boat of the Kaiserliche Marine - can't you tell?" ______________________________________________________________ THE TEMPLE Cast: Lieutenant Commander Karl HEINRICH, Graf von Altberg-Ehrenstein, Lieutenant-Commander in the Imperial German Navy, Prussian (mid 30s?) Lieutenant Jurgen KIENZE, second in command, "womanish Rhinelander" (30) Boatswain MULLER, elderly "superstitious Alsatian swine" SCHMIDT [mid 20s - goes mad] ZIMMER [mid 20s - leads delegation to get rid of idol] BOHIN [mid 20s - goes mad] RAABE [early 20s - engineer] SCHNEIDER [early 20s - engineer] OLIVIA      Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a U-Boat of the Kaiserlich Marine, can't you tell?  (That's World War I, for all you younger folks...) [My apologies for any mischaracterization of Germans - it's all from Lovecraft's original text.  His complete lack of knowledge of U-Boats also - But I had to leave in the portholes to support the story.  Any mistakes in military etiquette of the time are probably mine, though.] MUSIC SCENE 1. AMBIANCE     U-BOAT ENGINE SEAMEN     [murmuring voices] SOUND     HATCH OPENS, CLANGING FOOTSTEPS KIENZE     Achtung!  Kapitanleutnant Heinrich on deck! SEAMEN     [instantly silent] HEINRICH     [commanding, slightly angry sounding]  Ser gut!  I have been reviewing the log regarding the sinking of the British freighter Victory, and I must say [getting ominous] that you are - most definitely - [spitting out the words] the single, absolute, most efficient U-boat crew in the Atlantic.  [laughs]  At ease, at ease. SEAMEN     [Excited chatter] KIENZE     I myself cannot wait to view the film we took. HEINRICH     Ya, ya.  [aside] The camera was off before we sank the lifeboats? KIENZE     As always, Kaleu. SOUND     HEARTY CLAP ON SHOULDER HEINRICH     Most excellent.  Come Kienze, I have a bottle of some fine Schnapps.  You must help me celebrate. MUSIC     in then under   SCENE 2. HEINRICH     [on a recording, tired sounding] On August 20, 1917, I, Karl Heinrich, Graf von Altberg-Ehrenstein, Lieutenant-Commander in the Imperial German Navy and in charge of the submarine U-29, deposit this bottle and record in the Atlantic Ocean at a point to me unknown but probably about North Latitude 20 degrees, West Longitude 35 degrees, where my ship lies disabled on the ocean floor. MUSIC      HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 3. SFX     SUBMARINE SURFACES SOUND     HATCH OPENS AMBIANCE     CALM SEA, OCCASIONAL BIRDS SOUND     FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH     [grunt - stretching noise]  There is nothing like the first step out on deck after a victory, eh?. KIENZE     A "Victory"?  [chuckles]  Ya.  Very amusing. MULLER     [off]  Kaleu, sir!  Come! SOUND     FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH     What could be so--  Oh! MULLER     He must be from the Victory, sir! KIENZE     Alive? HEINRICH     Don't be foolish, Kienze, we were far too long submerged.  He would have had a better chance if he let go and braved the waves.  [shouting off]  Remove the corpse! [NOTE - red text will come back at the end in echoes] ZIMMER     Sir!  His hands are in a death grip!  HEINRICH     Fingers break more easily than railings. ZIMMER     [hesitantly] uh... Aye sir! SOUND     POUNDING NOISES HEINRICH     [sanctimonious] One more victim of the unjust war of aggression the English schweinhunds are waging upon the Reich. KIENZE     Truly, he is our victim.  Nothing more. HEINRICH     You do not see the whole picture - [amused] Just like a soft-headed Rhinelander.  If you were a solid Prussian like myself-- SEAMEN     [OFF - NOISE OF AN ALTERCATION] HEINRICH     Vas is los?  Go and see. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS ON METAL KIENZE     What is this?  What is this?  Achtung! SOUND     SCRAMBLE OF MEN GETTING TO THEIR FEET KIENZE     What is so very exciting? ZIMMER     Sir!  Schmidt took something from the pocket of the ... [gulp] d-dead one. KIENZE     Schmidt?  Would you show this to me? SCHMIDT     It is nothing, Leutnant.  KIENZE     I will judge that.  Give it me.  [beat]  Well, this is... certainly something.  I am confiscating it - now put that over the side. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH     So? KIENZE     A bauble.  Ivory, I think - looks like a classical bust, ya? HEINRICH     Not a senator, though - this one is much too young and handsome. KIENZE     Possibly a kaiser?  HEINRICH     Or a god. KIENZE     [reluctantly] It is yours, if you want it.  It might be valuable-- HEINRICH     No, no. I have not the sentimental-- MULLER     [off, screams] SOUND     FOOTSTEPS RUNNING ON METAL HEINRICH     [puffing only slightly] What is it? SCHMIDT     [shivering with fear] Muller, sir - it is Muller! KIENZE     Muller's unconscious. HEINRICH     Wake him. SOUND     SLAPS MULLER     [wails] SOUND     ANOTHER SLAP MULLER     [gasps, is silent] HEINRICH     Get him up here.  [command] Stations! SOUND     RUNNING FEET CLANG AWAY KIENZE     Are you going to talk sense now? MULLER     [hollow]  His eyes!  His eyes! KIENZE      Whose eyes?  Speak sense! SOUND     SLAP HEINRICH     Enough!  Muller.  Tell me what is wrong. MULLER     Ya, mein kapitan!  [trying to calm down]  The body - the eyes were closed.  But when they rolled it over the side, they opened - and they were mocking us! HEINRICH     [casual] Superstitious rubbish.  Muller, you have seen corpses before now, and-- MULLER     Sir!  But that is not all!  He--  [sullen, inward] You will not believe me! KIENZE     You are under orders to speak. MULLER     I-- watched as the body hit the water.  I saw it sink beneath the waves, and-- HEINRICH     And--? MULLER     [almost a whisper] It drew its limbs in, and swam away. KIENZE     You filthy lying--! [grunt as about to slap him again] HEINRICH     Nein, Leutnant.  [calming]  Muller.  You know this cannot be true, don't you? MULLER     But I saw-- HEINRICH     Water is deceptive.  It is strange, ya, that the body simply sank - but that is probably due to its waterlogged condition after being held under on our railing for hours.  Beyond that--?  It is all a trick of the light. MULLER     Truly? HEINRICH     I will hear no more about it, ya? MÜLLER     But you should keep no part of him on the ship - it is bad luck.  The statue-- HEINRICH     Is nothing.  It is a trinket.  You go about your duties now, Boatswain. SOUND     RELUCTANT FOOTSTEPS AWAY HEINRICH     Pfaugh.  [muttered growl] Superstitious Alsatian swine!  Why am I surrounded by inferior-- KIENZE     Kaleu?  Do you wish that I throw the bust overb-- HEINRICH     Nonsense.  We do not give in to fear.  We are men of the twentieth century - and, more importantly, officers in the Kaiserliche Marine.  KIENZE     I could... tell them I threw it-- HEINRICH     Do not show weakness.  It makes you sound unreliable. MUSIC     in and under   SCENE 4. HEINRICH     [canned] The next day a very troublesome situation was created by the indisposition of some of the crew.  Evidently suffering from the nervous strain of our long voyage, they had had bad dreams.  When weather turned choppy, we descended to a depth where the sea was comparatively calm, despite a somewhat puzzling southward current which we could not identify from our oceanographic charts. MUSIC      HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 5. SOUND     HATCH CLOSES SFX     SUBMARINE SUBMERGES SOUND     FOOTSTEPS ON METAL RAABE     Under-Engineer Raabe, here to make a report, sir! HEINRICH     Where is Schneider?  RAABE     He is ... unwell, sir. HEINRICH     What is wrong? RAABE     He... did not sleep well, sir. HEINRICH     What? KIENZE     It is the same with many of the men, Kaleu.  They are feverish and say they have had bad dreams. HEINRICH     If they are shirking, I will-- RAABE     Sir, no!  Schmidt is burning up with fever, screaming all night in his berth.  HEINRICH     [sympathetic] Then you did not sleep well either, I expect? RAABE     Nein, Kaleu. HEINRICH     [very pleased] Yet you are here, like a good sailor.  Good man-- MULLER     [muttered off] It is the idol.  It is accursed. HEINRICH     What?  Muller? MULLER     [panicky] Nothing.  I said nothing sir. KIENZE     He said-- HEINRICH     [grim] I heard what he said.  Muller, I will have none of this wild peasant superstition on my ship! KIENZE     [amused undertone] You forget, mein noble Kapitan, I am a commoner as well. HEINRICH     [dismissively] Burgher stock.  [teasing slightly]  And they made you an officer - you must have some good qualities. MULLER     What does it matter?  We are all doomed! RAABE     [dismissive] Doomed?  Because some men are sick? HEINRICH     Sehr gut.  We must remain rational at times like these.  Retain our iron German will.  [sharp] Kienze? KIENZE     [snapping to] Ya mein kapitanleutnant? HEINRICH     Remove Boatswain Muller.  KIENZE     Ya, Kaleu.  MUSIC     in and under   SCENE 6. HEINRICH     [canned]  The moans of the sick men were decidedly annoying; but since they did not appear to demoralize the rest of the crew, we did not resort to ... extreme measures. It was our plan to remain where we were and intercept the liner Dacia, mentioned in information from agents in New York. MUSIC      HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 7. SOUND      INSIDE THE BOAT.  MANY FEET RUNNING ACROSS METAL, FEET STOP ABRUPTLY CROWD     [muttering, backs up Zimmer throughout the scene.] HEINRICH     Und vas is los? ZIMMER     [clears throat]  Kapitanleutnant, we must request - most strenuously - that you-- HEINRICH     Is this about that knickknack?  What sort of Gypsies are you, to believe such phantasms?  ZIMMER     But what could it hurt, sir?  It is surely not so valuable that it is worth risking-- HEINRICH     What?  Risking what?  The only thing we are risking here is our mission. BOHIN     We will all die! ZIMMER     Shh.  [trying to sound reasonable] Morale, mein kapitan.  It is such a small thing, yet would mean so much to the men. HEINRICH     [low, despising] I see no men here. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 8. HEINRICH     [canned] Everyone seemed inclined to be silent now, as though holding a secret fear. Many were ill, but none made a disturbance. Lieutenant Kienze chafed under the strain, and was annoyed by the merest trifle - such as the schools of dolphins which passed the U-29 in increasing numbers, and the growing intensity of that southward current which was not on our chart. MUSIC      HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 9. SOUND     HATCH CLANGS SHUT AMBIANCE     UP TOPSIDE SCHMIDT     That makes seven of us.  We can surely-- ZIMMER     Muller is still in irons.  He can be no help. BOHIN     Muller saw them! ZIMMER     Shh.  None of the crazy talk, Bohin.  We cannot let ourselves-- BOHIN     [too intense to be sane] I have not seen them, but they call to me!  Their voices are like the waves - but waves that make words! SCHMIDT     [sigh] So there are six of us. SOUND     HATCH OPENS, A COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS RAABE     What is going on here? SCHMIDT     [snort] We are planning a party.  What does it look like? RAABE     What is happening that makes everyone so-- BOHIN     There!  In the WATER!  They have come! RAABE     --Crazy? SOUND     RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, A STRUGGLE, A BODY SLAMMED AGAINST METAL. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 10. HEINRICH     [canned]  He was in a detestably childish state, and babbled of some illusion of dead bodies drifting past the portholes; bodies which he recognized, in spite of bloating, as having seen dying during some of our victorious German exploits. And he said that the young man we had found and tossed overboard was their leader. This was very gruesome and abnormal. MUSIC     HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 11. RAABE     Seaman Bohin tried to leap off the deck.  We had to hold him down until the madness left him, sir. KIENZE     All for such a small thing. SOUND     SMALL IVORY STATUE SET ON TABLE RAABE     That is what this is all about? KIENZE     Just that. SOUND      FOOTSTEPS, STATUE IS SNATCHED UP AND PUT AWAY IN A POCKET ZIMMER     Sir!  Leutnant Kienze?  Bohin is gone!  He is nowhere on the ship.  MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 12. HEINRICH     [canned]  It at length became apparent that we had missed the Dacia altogether. Such failures are not uncommon, and we were more pleased than disappointed, since our return to Wilhelmshaven was now in order. MUSIC      HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 13. SOUND     MEASURED FOOTSTEPS AMB     INSIDE SEAMEN     [Muffled, CHEERS!!!] HEINRICH     [sigh]  This soft-headedness is not good.  Morale is the result of willpower, not coddling. KIENZE     Still, I too will be glad when this trip is over.  That southern current we have blundered into bothers me. HEINRICH     It explains how we missed our target.  Not every inch of the ocean is charted properly.  KIENZE     But it is so strong - to be overlooked. RAABE     [clears his throat]  Sir? HEINRICH     Schneider still not feeling well? RAABE     He prefers to remain in the engine room, sir.  He does not like ... being near portholes. KIENZE     Portholes? RAABE     His dreams haunt him.  [hurriedly] But he is not impaired in his job. HEINRICH     [teasing] Well, certainly you did not come all this way to tell us Senior Engineer Schneider does not like portholes.  Out with it! RAABE     Something fantastic has happened.  The boat - it is surrounded by -- dolphins. HEINRICH     Dolphins?  How many? SOUND     KIENZE'S FOOTSTEPS GO AWAY KIENZE     [off] Ya, come and look!  They are everywhere! HEINRICH     Finally something the superstitious can interpret as a good sign, ya? KIENZE     [jubilant] Just as we decide to return to Schlicktown!  This should truly mollify them. HEINRICH     [dry] How fortunate. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 14. HEINRICH     [canned] At noon June 28 we turned northeastward, and despite some rather comical entanglements with the unusual masses of dolphins, were soon under way. MUSIC      HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 15. SOUND     SNORING [HEINRICH] SFX     EXPLOSION HEINRICH     [wakes up] What?  What? SOUND     MANY RUNNING FEET, SOME BARE, ONE PAIR OF BOOTS STOMPS THROUGH CALMLY HEINRICH     Report.  Someone report! SCHMIDT     This is your fault, you swine!  You made us‑‑ SOUND     SLAP, BODY HITS METAL WALL HEINRICH     SHUT UP.  Is there anyone who can talk sense? KIENZE     [breathless, and coughing]  They have the fire out.  The explosion was in the engine room.  HEINRICH     What caused it? KIENZE     They have found no cause as yet.  The damage is extensive.  All systems have not yet been tested, but it is certain we have no steering. HEINRICH     No--?  What about the air compressors? KIENZE     They appear undamaged.  But, mein freund-- HEINRICH     Ya?  What is it? KIENZE     Schneider and - and Raabe - they were killed instantly. HEINRICH     [long indrawn breath, then cold as he can be]  That is most unfortunate. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 16. HEINRICH     [canned] Our situation had suddenly become grave indeed; for though the chemical air regenerators were intact, and we could use the devices for raising and submerging the ship and opening the hatches as long as compressed air and storage batteries might hold out, we were powerless to propel or guide the submarine. MUSIC      HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 17. SOUND     SNORING [KIENZE] SOUND     CURTAIN OPENS VERY STEALTHILY, HUSHED FOOTSTEPS, RUSTLING KIENZE     [snoring stops] SCHMIDT     [gasp] SOUND     SCUFFLE SOUND      COCK OF GUN KIENZE     What is it you think you are doing? SCHMIDT     [nutso] He demands it!  He will not let me sleep until it is returned to him! HEINRICH     [off] Was iss? KIENZE      A mutiny, kaleu. MUSIC     VERY BRIEF HEINRICH     [muttered] Can we do without Schmidt, short as we are of hands? KIENZE     Hah!  With no engines to maintain, I must always find make-work for the men.  They will go mad [bad choice of words] -- they are restless if left sitting on their hands. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 18. HEINRICH     [canned] German lives are precious, but the constant raving of Schmidt concerning a terrible curse was most subversive of discipline, so drastic steps were taken. The crew accepted the event in a sullen fashion. MUSIC      FADED OUT   SCENE 19. AMBIANCE     INSIDE SOUND     HATCH OPENS ZIMMER     [jubilant, yelling down from above] A ship!  We are delivered! HEINRICH     [composed]  Excellent.  You see, Kienze?  It is never so dark that there is no light.  Come along. SOUND      STEPS CLIMBING LADDER, THEN OUT ON DECK KIENZE     Give me the glasses. ZIMMER      But it is a ship, leutnant, isn't that enough? KIENZE     [suspicious]  Glasses, now! SOUND     A BEAT, THEN HEAVY ITEM PUT IN GLOVED HAND. HEINRICH     Vas ist? KIENZE     [disappointed and disgusted] Yankees.  ZIMMER     But surely surrender is better than death-- HEINRICH     [cold] Zimmer? ZIMMER     [braced for the worst]  Ya, kapitanleutnant? HEINRICH     [colder] Prepare for a dive. SOUND     GOING DOWN LADDER. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 20. HEINRICH     [canned] We did not descend far.  After several hours, we decided to return to the surface, however, the ship failed to respond to our direction in spite of all that the mechanics could do. Some of the men began to mutter again, but the sight of an automatic pistol calmed them. MUSIC      HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 21. KIENZE     Kaleu, the men are very restless.  They fear the worst, being trapped and drifting.  They blame us for making a bad decision. HEINRICH     [offhand] It was the only decision to make.  None but a weakling would surrender to the Yankees.  KIENZE     Any man may turn weak in such conditions-- HEINRICH     [self-satisfied] No Prussian.  And if I must be the backbone so my crew can stand straight as men, so be it.  KIENZE     The men are restless.  Angry. HEINRICH     [dangerous] If they will not stand, then I will put them down and stamp their bodies into pulp fit only to paint the walls. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 22. HEINRICH     [canned] It was about 5 A.M., that the general mutiny broke loose. The six remaining pigs of seamen, suspecting that we were lost, suddenly burst into a mad fury, roared like the animals they were, and broke instruments and furniture indiscriminately. Leutnant Kienze seemed paralyzed and inefficient, as one might expect of a soft, womanish Rhinelander. MUSIC     HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 23. SOUND     FADING IN, SIX GUNSHOTS, ECHO FADES AWAY HEINRICH      [breathing hard] KIENZE     [gasping, almost hysterical] HEINRICH     [deep breath] Get up. KIENZE     [gasps] Did you--?  Was that ... necessary? HEINRICH     [scornful laugh] You saw them.  Now, stand.  We need to clean house. KIENZE     What do you plan to do? HEINRICH     What else?  Put them out.  We can't keep them here to stink up the place. SOUND      SCUFFLING, THEN SHUFFLING FEET KIENZE     We can use the top hatch-- HEINRICH     Ya, ya.  [going off] Make sure they are all dead, will you?  KIENZE     [calling] Where are--?  This will be easier with two. HEINRICH     [turning back, briefly] So would killing them, but I had to handle that.  This is your part.  [leaving again] Let me know when you need help getting them up into the hatch. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 24. HEINRICH     [canned] Our compasses, depth gauges, and other delicate instruments were ruined by the rampage of those swine; henceforth our only reckoning would be guesswork, based on our watches, the calendar, and our apparent rate of drift. MUSIC     FADED OUT   SCENE 25. SOUND     FEET COMING IN [KEINZE] HEINRICH     Look at this. KIENZE     [coming in]  Ya?  Oh, ya, more dolphins.  Very exciting. HEINRICH     No, no - this one here.  See the one with the scar? KIENZE     Ya. HEINRICH     How deep are we, did we determine? KIENZE     Too deep for dolphins, certainly, but-- HEINRICH     I have been watching this one in the searchlight for two hours now - and he has not left our side.  Delphinus delphis is a cetacean mammal, unable to subsist without air. KIENZE     Perhaps they are magic dolphins.  [trying to chuckle] I'm not interested in them until we run out of other rations. HEINRICH     It is a very important discovery.  Perhaps a new sub-species. KIENZE     [sigh] I'm sure the dolphins will be fascinated when you present your paper to them. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 26. HEINRICH     [canned] With the passage of time Kienze and I decided that we were still drifting south, meanwhile sinking deeper and deeper. I could not help observing, however, the inferior scientific knowledge of my companion. His mind was not Prussian, but given to imaginings with no value. MUSIC     HAS FADED OUT   SCENE 27. SOUND     SEARCHLIGHT COMES ON KIENZE     Fabulous, isn't it? HEINRICH     Sunken ships? Interesting, yes, but fabulous?  What else are you likely to find on the ocean floor?  KIENZE     No, no - look there.  To the right.  You see?  That peak.  It is -- HEINRICH     A rock. KIENZE     No!  It is too regular for a rock.  You will see when we get closer. HEINRICH     Wake me when you can see it, then.  I think I will have some sleep. KIENZE     You don't care? HEINRICH     Ya, ya.  Do you need me to remain? SOUND     SITS IN CHAIR KIENZE     [beat] We have lost our escort. SOUND      LEAFING THROUGH A BOOK HEINRICH     Vas? KIENZE     Your beloved dolphins.  They have finally abandoned us. HEINRICH     I am more surprised they remained with us so long. KIENZE     [beat] What are we to do? HEINRICH     Do?  About the dolphins?  I am sure they can take care of themselves. KIENZE     You know what I mean!  What are we to do when we run out of...  of... everything HEINRICH     That is days, perhaps weeks away.  Why waste angst? KIENZE     But - there is no hope.  We will ... we must die. HEINRICH     Everyone must die. KEINZE     We could try and get to the surface - one of us - in the diving suit.  HEINRICH     And how deep did we decide we were? KEINZE     [beat, sigh] very deep. HEINRICH     If you want to take the suit, and try to get it to the surface, you are welcome.  But you know what will happen. KEINZE     It is possible to survive caissons disease. ["the bends"]  Even drastic decompression-- HEINRICH     As a cripple?  With joints that never work without pain?  With skin so damaged no one can look you in the face?  Perhaps paralyzed, even?  Incontinent? KEINZE     [sigh] HEINRICH     Better to die as a man than live as a beast.  Of course you might be lucky and have an embolism on the way up, and then ride the waves as a corpse.  MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 28. HEINRICH     [canned] His mind was tired, but I am always a German, and was quick to notice that the U-29 was standing the deep-sea pressure splendidly. Our southward speed, as gauged by the ocean floor, was about as I had estimated from the organisms passed at higher levels. MUSIC     FADE AND OUT   SCENE 29. SOUND     BOTTLE POURS KIENZE     [slightly drunk]  Ya, plenty of air and food, but this [long gulping swig] won't last forever. HEINRICH     Not at the rate you are abusing it. KIENZE     I cannot lose myself in study as you do.  What is the point?  So you know so much more before you die.  HEINRICH     It is not impossible we will encounter another u-boat. KIENZE     Wake up Karl!  This boat - it is our tomb.  We are dead men.  All we have left to do is lie down. HEINRICH     Go to bed, Leutnant.  There is no point in talking when you are totalblau. KIENZE     [laughs bitterly]  You are going to give me orders yet?  What if I disobey?  You clap me in irons?  You will shoot me? HEINRICH     [close and dangerous]  I will remind you that you are a man, a trained soldier, and an officer of the kaiser's navy, and as such you should have the will to face death.  KIENZE     I am a soldier, ya.  I can face death in battle.  It is this lingering, drifting fate that horrifies me.  It is like having a fatal disease - you know you must die, but you cannot know when. HEINRICH     Very well, then. SOUND     GUN OUT OF HOLSTER, CLICK AS BULLETS ARE CHECKED, GUN DROPPED ON TABLE HEINRICH     More air for me. SOUND     RATTLE OF CURTAIN, FOOTSTEPS LEAVE, RATTLE OF GUN ON TABLE MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 30. HEINRICH     [canned] The fact of our coming death affected Kienze curiously.  I was very sorry for him, for I dislike to see a German suffer; but he was not a good man to die with. For myself I was proud, knowing how the Fatherland would revere my memory. MUSIC     FADES OUT   SCENE 31. SOUND     SNORING [KIENZE] KIENZE     [waking with a horrified start, screaming] He is calling! He is calling! I hear him! SOUND     FOOTSTEPS, DOOR HEINRICH     [coming on]  What is wrong? KIENZE     We must go!  He will not call forever! SOUND     SLAP KIENZE     [gasps, breathing hard, almost sobbing] HEINRICH     [commanding] Calm down. Remember yourself, man. KIENZE     V-v-vas?  Kaleu? HEINRICH     There you are.  [disdainful] You were having a nightmare.  Now you are better.  SOUND     FOOTSTEPS BEGIN TO WALK AWAY KIENZE     No. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS STOP HEINRICH     [sigh] Vas? KIENZE     It was not a dream.  It was a voice.  I still hear it, you see!  I still hear him.  He calls to me - to us.  I don't know why you cannot hear him! HEINRICH     You are still drunk.  Or deluded. KIENZE     I am not.  Truly.  If you do not believe me, look out the porthole, and you will see his face.  It is right in front of us.  HEINRICH     What?  Show me.  Ah - blackness.  Precisely what is between your ears. KIENZE     The searchlight - kommen-zie! SOUND     FOOTSTEPS, SEARCHLIGHT COMES ON KIENZE     There!  There! HEINRICH     Mein gott! MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 32. HEINRICH     [canned] I am not given to emotion of any kind, but my amazement was very great when I saw what lay revealed in that electrical glow. And yet as one reared in the best Kultur of Prussia, I should not have been amazed, for geology and tradition alike tell us of great transpositions in oceanic and continental areas. What I saw was an extended and elaborate array of ruined edifices; all in various stages of preservation. MUSIC     OUT   SCENE 33. HEINRICH     [pleased] Atlantis!  And we, Germans, have discovered it!  This is stupendous. KIENZE     He is out there.  His temple lies still before us, and he watches us from afar. HEINRICH     You saw this in your dreams? KIENZE     [disturbingly reasonable] He told me.  We should go. HEINRICH     Go?  Where? KIENZE     To him.  Come now - do not wait until later; it is better to repent and be forgiven than to defy and be condemned. HEINRICH     You think we should go outside?  We have only one diving apparatus. KIENZE     [laughs disturbingly]  A suit?  We need no suits - he will gather us to him.  HEINRICH     You have finally crossed into madness.  I will find you some medication. KIENZE     You cannot cure this with your science, Karl.  You are so sensible, and what does it get you?  Nothing.  Nothing!  Come now, or there will be nothing left for you! HEINRICH     You are mad.  KIENZE     [losing it] If I am mad, it is a blessing. May the gods pity the man who in his callousness can remain sane to the hideous end! Come and be mad whilst he still calls with mercy!   MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 34. HEINRICH     [canned] As he spoke he took his ivory image from the table, pocketed it, and seized my arm in an effort to drag me up the companionway to the deck.  When that did not work, he fled.  In a moment I heard the grind of the first hatch, and understood that he meant to open them both, exposing the U-29 to the water outside, a vagary of suicidal and homicidal mania for which I was scarcely prepared. MUSIC     OUT   SCENE 35. SOUND     THE HATCH WHEEL SPINS SOUND      GUN COCKS HEINRICH     One more move and I shoot. KIENZE     [laughs hysterically]  Shoot?  I have nothing to fear.  He will welcome me. HEINRICH     Did I say I would kill you?  I will shoot you in the leg, and clap you in irons. KIENZE     You ... would do that!? HEINRICH     Ya.  [jaunty]  But, I am not one to hold a man back.  If you wish to go, go.  I will even run the hatches for you. KIENZE     You... why? HEINRICH     Further, I will watch and make sure he finds you, once you are adrift. KIENZE     [plaintive] But you will not come with me? HEINRICH     Nein.  I have things yet to accomplish. KIENZE     Very well.  But he will not be pleased with you if you ignore his summons. MUSIC     IN AND UNDER   SCENE 36. HEINRICH     [canned] After I saw that Kienze was no longer in the boat I threw the searchlight around the water.  I wished to ascertain whether the water-pressure would flatten him as it theoretically should, or whether the body would be unaffected, like those extraordinary dolphins. I did not, however, succeed in finding my late companion, for, owing to the abruptness of the change of angle, a wire was disconnected, which necessitated a delay of many minutes for repairs. MUSIC     OUT   SCENE 37. SOUND     SEARCHLIGHT OUT [NOTE: "HIS ECHO" REFERS TO HEINRICH'S OWN WORDS FROM EARLIER IN THE SHOW - COMING BACK TO HAUNT HIM.  THEY WILL BE PUT IN IN POST, AND HEINRICH SHOULD NOT REALLY PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THEM AS HE SPEAKS, AS THEY AREN'T ACTUALLY CONVERSING.] HEINRICH     [slow sigh] HIS ECHO     [very quiet] He would have had a better chance if he let go and braved the waves.  HEINRICH     Alone.  To survive until I die.  [deep breath] Very well.  SOUND      FOOTSTEPS HIS ECHO     [very quiet]  One more victim of the unjust war of aggression... SOUND      PULL OUT BOOK, OPEN AND PAGE THROUGH.   SCENE 38. MUSIC IN HEINRICH     [canned] I must be careful how I record my awakening today, for I am unstrung, and much hallucination is necessarily mixed with fact. Psychologically my case is most interesting, and I regret that it cannot be observed scientifically by a competent German authority. HIS ECHO     If you were a solid Prussian like myself-- HEINRICH     Upon opening my eyes my first sensation was an overmastering desire to visit the rock temple that stood before the now-stationary U29. HIS ECHO     No, no. I have not the sentimental-- HEINRICH     a desire which grew every instant, yet which I automatically sought to resist. MUSIC OUT   SCENE 39. SOUND     VAGUE CHANTING, DEEP UNDER. HEINRICH     [Waking suddenly]  Heh?  What is this? SOUND     SCRABBLE OUT OF BED, CROSS ROOM HEINRICH     Light?  Where is this coming from?  [wild hope] Could it be? SOUND     RUN THROUGH SHIP HEINRICH     Where?  Another ship?  [muttered] Port side, port side.  Aha! [sound of triumph turns into sound of dismay]  HIS ECHO     Superstitious rubbish.  HEINRICH     It is alight! MUSIC UP   SCENE 40. HEINRICH     It is well that the reader accept nothing which follows as objective truth, for the events are necessarily the subjective and unreal creations of my overtaxed mind. HIS ECHO     It is all a trick of the light. HEINRICH     When I attained the conning tower I found the sea in general far less luminous than I had expected. But the door and windows of the undersea temple hewn from the rocky hill were vividly aglow with a flickering radiance, as from a mighty altar-flame far within. HIS ECHO     I will have none of this wild peasant superstition on my ship! HEINRICH     The light showed that the friezes which covered the front of the temple, clearly carved from the solid rock of the cliffside, depicted many repetitions of but one face - the same face as the ivory bust which Kienze had carried back to the sea with him. HIS ECHO     --this one is much too young and handsome. HEINRICH     The rest is very simple. HIS ECHO     --a god. HEINRICH     My impulse to visit and enter the temple has now become an inexplicable and imperious command which ultimately cannot be denied. HIS ECHO     This soft-headedness is not good.  HEINRICH     My own German will no longer controls my acts, and volition is henceforward possible only in minor matters. HIS ECHO     Do not show weakness.  It makes you sound unreliable. HEINRICH     When first I saw that I must go, HIS ECHO     That is most unfortunate. HEINRICH     I prepared my diving suit, helmet, and air regenerator for instant donning, HIS ECHO     --have an embolism on the way up, and ride the waves as a corpse.  HEINRICH     and immediately commenced to write this hurried chronicle in the hope that it may some day reach the world. HIS ECHO     This is your part.  HEINRICH     I shall seal the manuscript in a bottle and entrust it to the sea as I leave the U-29 forever. HIS ECHO     Better to die as a man than live as a beast. HEINRICH     I have no fear, not even from the prophecies of the madman Kienze. HIS ECHO     None but a weakling would surrender HEINRICH     What I have seen cannot be true, and I know that this madness of my own, will at most lead only to suffocation when my air is gone. HIS ECHO     you should have the will to face death. HEINRICH     The light in the temple is a sheer delusion, and I shall die calmly like a German, in the black and forgotten depths. HIS ECHO     Why waste angst? HEINRICH     This demoniac laughter which I hear as I write comes only from my own weakening brain. HIS ECHO     blackness.  Precisely what is between your ears. HEINRICH     So I will carefully don my suit and walk boldly up the steps into the primal shrine, that silent secret of unfathomed waters and uncounted years. HIS ECHO     If you wish to go, go.  END  

19 Nocturne Boulevard
Sword Kvetch by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 2, 2023 34:03


When Cael Carzfinker, blade maiden of the ninth rank (etc., etc.) comes to the castle of Evil Wizard Mazurin to rescue a captive prince, the outcome is.... magical. Cast List Cael - Julie Hoverson Amalan - Krystal Baker Mazurin - Gareth Bowley Gigli - Reynaud LeBoeuf Prince Tupin - Abner Senires Music:  Celestial Aeon Project and Matti Paalanen Editing / Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a road through a dark and spooky forest, leading up to an evil wizard's castle" ________________________________________________   SWORD KVETCH Cast: Mazurin, Evil Wizard Cael, Amazon Warrior Tupin, Captive Prince Gigli, Goblin Amalan, Magic Sword OLIVIA      What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's the dark woods outside an evil castle, can't you tell?  MUSIC AMB     SPOOKY NIGHT WOODS SOUND     WOLF HOWL IN THE DISTANCE SOUND     HOOVES ON DIRT UNDER CAEL     [sigh] Typical. AMALAN     What? CAEL     I could write a ballad already.  AMALAN     Oh, no.  No, no, no - that's not your job. CAEL     Shh.  I'm composing. [muttering to self] AMALAN     [whispered] [sigh] Typical. CAEL     Evil castle looms ahead....  Hmm... Nighttime, need to rest my head-- AMALAN     You can't rhyme head with ahead. CAEL     It rhymes, doesn't it? AMALAN     [exasperated sigh] CAEL     [vague threat] I'm getting another sword. AMALAN     You always say that, but you know you couldn't do without me.  CAEL     [exasperated sigh] AMALAN     And who could you ever pass me off to? CAEL     Someone deaf. MUSIC AMD     ECHOEY CASTLE SOUND     SLAPPY FOOTSTEPS RUN IN GIGLI     [coming on]  Master!  Master! MAZURIN     [distracted]  Mm? GIGLI     Master! MAZURIN     Shh-shh-shh.  [excited] Do you see what I have here, my smelly little homunculi? GIGLI     But master--! MAZURIN     [tsks]  I've turned this drop of water into an equal measure of dust. GIGLI     [flat] Why? MAZURIN     It's a vital transmutation.  A change like this could make a great deal of difference! GIGLI     To a thirsty cockroach? MAZURIN     No no, you have to see how, yes, on a tiny scale, this could be a negligible change-- GIGLI     [sigh] Sir? MAZURIN     --But if you do this a million times at once, with a million drops of water, you could cause an entire lake to suddenly turn to dust, ruining agriculture.  And then, with a simple reverse, water from dust! GIGLI     Good.  Lovely.  Can I report now?  It's kind of urgent. SOUND     FIDDLING ABOUT WITH BOTTLES, ETC. MAZURIN     [still distracted]  Uh - what?  Yes, of course, go ahead. GIGLI     Are you listening? SOUND     BOTTLE SET DOWN MAZURIN     [distant]  Of course. GIGLI     [exasperated] Oh! SOUND     BOTTLE SMASHES ON FLOOR MAZURIN     What?  Why did you--? GIGLI     Listening now?  MAZURIN     [annoyed]  Yes, get on with it! GIGLI     Someone is approaching the castle! MAZURIN     [losing interest] Oh, well - set up the defenses. GIGLI     It's an Amazon! MAZURIN     [mildly interested]  Oh, that's different.  [shrug]  Still, the defenses... GIGLI     The moat monster is in labor. MAZURIN     I thought it laid eggs. GIGLI     Well, not after you did one of your little experiments on it.  And it's not best pleased about it. MAZURIN     Oh. GIGLI     And the man-eating vines--? MAZURIN     What?  I didn't do--  They're not giving birth, are they? GIGLI     Think it through? MAZURIN     What? GIGLI     Man-eating vines?  Amazon warrior? MAZURIN     [realizing slowly]  Oh?  Oh! GIGLI     [sigh] MUSIC SOUND     HOOFBEATS ON WOOD AMALAN     Cael, I don't like this. CAEL     You mean the way nothing at all tried to stop us from strolling right up to the front door of the evil wizard's castle? AMALAN     [sarcastic]  No, I meant the two-headed gargoyles - they're so passe'.  Of course that's what I mean!  There must be a trap-- CAEL     I'll keep my eyes peeled. AMALAN     Me too. CAEL     You haven't any eyes. AMALAN     Don't nitpick. SOUND     HOOFBEATS STOP SOUND     TAPPING OF FINGERS ON THE POMMEL CAEL     [musing]  No reception committee.  No moat monster....  The gargoyles? AMALAN     They're tacky as hell, but I don't sense any magic there. CAEL     Well, then. SOUND     DISMOUNT, HORSE NICKERS SOUND     POUNDING ON HUGE WOODEN DOOR AMALAN     Subtlety.  I like it. CAEL     It's what I do. MUSIC SOUND     DISTANT BANGING ON DOOR GIGLI     [calling from off] Master! MAZURIN     Stop banging, Gigli. SOUND     SLAPPY FOOTSTEPS APPROACH GIGLI     [a little closer]  They're at the door! MAZURIN     Tell them we don't want any. GIGLI     [almost here] The Amazon? MAZURIN     Oh, yes.  She got through the defenses--?  Oh, yes of course.  GIGLI     What are you going to do? MAZURIN     Oh, the usual. GIGLI     [sigh, down]  Send me to find out what she wants? MAZURIN     Good idea.  Let me know what she says. MUSIC SOUND     POUNDING ON DOOR AMALAN     If it's abandoned, that would explain the lack of defenses. CAEL     The high council doesn't send a questor to an empty castle. AMALAN     They might not know. CAEL     Yes.  [sarcastic] Why don't you just go and point that out-- GIGLI     [yelling from off, above]  Hail, warrior! CAEL     Hmm.  Manners.  [up]  Who hails me? GIGLI     I represent Mazurin, wizard of the crooked path, mage of the 8th tier, sorcerer-- AMALAN     [muttered] Yeah, but can he dance? CAEL     [side of mouth] Shh.  [up]  I have come to face your wizard.  Open the gate. GIGLI     What is your charge?  Mazurin is an exceedingly busy mage.  AMALAN     Crooking tiers? CAEL     [tiny sigh]  I am Cael Carzfinker, Blade maiden of the 9th rank, slayer of 3 gorgons, and participant in the slaughter of the great red armadillo of Murcie-- AMALAN     With a minor in [shudder] songwriting... CAEL     --and I am charged by the high council of her most royal majesty Luria the balladeer-- AMALAN     [muttered] Ballbuster. CAEL     [trying not to react] --to find and recover the missing Prince Tupin of Vagon, with an eye toward marriage. GIGLI     And my boss is supposed to care - why? CAEL     The scryes say the prince is here - a captive in durance vile under the thumb of this "boss" of yours. AMALAN     Excessive. CAEL     And thus have I come to reclaim him. GIGLI     Oh!  Right.  Hold on, I'll tell the wizard. CAEL     Where'd he go? AMALAN     Ducked behind one of those excrescences. CAEL     I didn't see any of those. AMALAN     [exasperated] The gargoyles. CAEL     So we wait for the wizard to speak.  SOUND     DRUMMING OF FINGERS AMALAN     Oh, you're not-- CAEL     "Green and crooked, small and beady"...  [searching for a rhyme] beady?  Beeeee-dy. AMALAN     Eyes are beady.  He was more... seedy. CAEL     Ah!  "--Small and seedy, his locks were lank and eyes were beady".  AMALAN     [sigh] MUSIC SOUND     SCRITCHING OF A PEN SOUND     SLAPPING FEET RUN UP GIGLI     [slightly puffed, laughing his ass off]  Sire!  She's here for him! SOUND     DOINK AS OF FINGER SNAPPED AGAINST SOMETHING GLASS MAZURIN     Him?  Oh, well.  That's simple then - I'll just un-glaze him, and-- GIGLI     You can't just hand him over! MAZURIN     Why not?  Then she'll go away.  Problem solved. GIGLI     [exasperated sigh]  Tradition?  Ring a bell? MAZURIN     Tradition?  Oh, you're not going to say I have to fight to the death over a trifle like-- GIGLI     No!  But you're supposed to make her do tasks to earn him, so she'll spread word of your cunning and deviousness.  [muttered]  And so she'll keep him once she gets him. MAZURIN     Oh.  I'm far too busy to come up with some silly tasks.  What does tradition say? GIGLI     I'll make you up some note cards.  Want me to let her in? MAZURIN     An... Amazon?  Don't they sleep in barns or something? GIGLI     I certainly wouldn't want to be the one to suggest it to her.  I'll find her and tell her you will speak to her at dinner. MAZURIN     I will? GIGLI     Tradition. MAZURIN     [pouting]  Fine.  Tell her, then come back and find me some [vague] ... robes. MUSIC GIGLI     [off] ...This way, and the wizard will be with you shortly. SOUND     BOOTED FEET ENTER ECHOEY HALL AMALAN     Roomy. CAEL     Kind of dusty, isn't it? AMALAN     Hard to keep help in an evil castle. CAEL     [agreeing] Hmm. SOUND     POOF! MAZURIN     [booming voice]  Dusty?  Humph! SOUND     POOF! SOUND     WATER DRIPPING ALL OVER. AMALAN     [doubtful]  Impressive? MAZURIN     [muttered]  Oh, drat. CAEL     [wiping her face]  Well, that's new. SOUND     SPLAT OF WATER SHAKEN OFF MAZURIN     [trying to save face "I meant to do that"] It's... something I've been working on. AMALAN     You could use it, back home. CAEL     Shh. AMALAN     You could finally get your quarters clean. CAEL     Shh! MAZURIN     What? CAEL     Nothing.  [declaring]  Mighty Wizard, I have come to recover the most noble prince Tupin and bring him home to wed.  This is my quest.  [snarls]  Do not stand in my way. MAZURIN     Oh, of course not. AMALAN     What? GIGLI     [hissed] Master! MAZURIN     Huh?  Oh right - as long as-- um, you-- GIGLI     [whispered prompting]  Can overcome my challenges three. MAZURIN     --Can overcome three challenges. GIGLI     [muttered]  Close enough. CAEL     Of course.  Name your challenges. MAZURIN     [taken completely aback] Oh!  Well-- GIGLI     [whispered] You forgot the cards? [stepping forward]  My great master will issue you each challenge at the break of dawn on three successive days.  Then you will have until sunset on the same day to complete each one. CAEL     Morning?  Why not start now? AMALAN     Tradition. GIGLI     Tradition, milady. CAEL     Fine.  What now? GIGLI     Dinner? CAEL     Hmm.  How about showing me the prince, so I know I'm not wasting my time? MUSIC SOUND     RINGING OF CRYSTAL AMALAN     Well, it's a guy. CAEL     He's... glass? MAZURIN     Much less irritating that way. GIGLI     [jumping in] For the great wizard finds the company of mere mortals a burden - he turns them into glass to show his mighty contempt. AMALAN     That's a lot of contempt. CAEL     It's rather a lot of prince.  Ok, oh great wizard - let's just get this straight right up front.  When I beat your challenges, you'll turn him back to normal before letting me take him, right?  MAZURIN     That goes without saying-- GIGLI     After the first challenge, he will be returned to flesh.  After the second, he will awaken, the third, you may take him. CAEL     Good, I don't want to have to cart around a giant glass statue - must weigh a ton.  And it would be rather unfortunate if I dropped him. MAZURIN     Not really. AMALAN     Nice. CAEL     You said something about dinner? MUSIC SOUND     DINING GIGLI     More port, sire? MAZURIN     [dismissive] Yes, yes.  Now um, if you can picture this fork as an oncoming enemy-- SOUND     CLINK OF FORK - clink clink clink MAZURIN     Then the napkin - I mean the entrapment grass, remember - would of course slow him-- GIGLI     Your port. MAZURIN     Over there, beside the battlefield. GIGLI     [exasperated sigh] SOUND     CUP SET DOWN. MAZURIN     Where was I, oh yes, slow him-- SOUND     CLINKS GET MUFFLED, THEN SLOW MAZURIN     --and eventually stop him. SOUND     MUFFLED CLATTER AS FORK IS WRAPPED UP IN NAPKIN CAEL     [interested] Clever. MAZURIN     Really? CAEL     Immobilizing an enemy makes him an easy target.  So you put your strength into archers, to pick off the enemy soldiers stuck in the fields like-- AMALAN     Garden gnomes? CAEL     --like so many topiary.  Hmm.  Not bad at all.  I could even write a song about that. AMALAN     Oh, please don't - he'll turn you to glass. CAEL     Shut up. MAZURIN     I didn't say anything. CAEL     Not you-- [sigh] I have this curse-- AMALAN     I am not cursed. CAEL     --of a sword.  It talks to me. MAZURIN     Do you often hear weapons talk? AMALAN     [snickers]  CAEL     No, really.  Here-- SOUND     UNSHEATHES SWORD CAEL     Say something.  [beat]  [apologetic] Great, now she's pissed at me.  [muttered] Don't make me look bad.  [up]  When she's in the sheath, I'm the only one who can hear her. GIGLI     Your sword is a girl?  Isn't that somehow counter-intuitive? AMALAN     Big words from a goblin, bub. CAEL     [heavy sigh] See? MUSIC SOUND     WALKING INTO SMALLER CHAMBER GIGLI      Sleep tight! SOUND      DOOR CLOSES CAEL     I can't believe you would embarrass me that way! AMALAN     Embarrass you?  Who called who cursed? CAEL     No, I said you were "my curse", not that you were accursed. AMALAN     Oh.  That's different. CAEL     How's that damn wizard gonna have any respect for me now? AMALAN     Who cares?  He's old.  And evil. CAEL     He's not that old.  AMALAN     And evil. CAEL     [shrug]  That's his job. MUSIC SOUND     DOOR SHUTS, TIPTOEING SLAPPY FEET MAZURIN     [roaring] Gigli? GIGLI     Gurk! [deep breath, then bright]  Yes, master? MAZURIN     What did you think you were doing, insulting an Amazon like that? GIGLI     I --  I didn't-- MAZURIN     You called her a lummox! GIGLI     She was... playing you, sire!  I was only defending your-- MAZURIN     What?  Playing what?  GIGLI     Playing games.  You know no one ever actually listens to you when you rant on about one of your inventions, and there she is [squeaky] "oh how clever!  You're so smart!"  [normal] blech!  And you-- MAZURIN     [wounded] Of course people listen to me-- GIGLI     I don't. MAZURIN     [huffy] You're just a familiar.  GIGLI     [muttered] Don't remind me.  [up]  Sire, what I meant is she's trying to soften you up, get you to like her, so the tests will be easier.  MAZURIN     What's wrong with that? GIGLI     [sigh]  You have a reputation to uphold, my mighty lord.  MAZURIN     Oh, I really don't-- GIGLI     --and if it gets out that you're a pushover, every Tom, Dick and Harry will be at your doorstep, looking to get something from you. MAZURIN     [gasp of panic] GIGLI     And when will you ever get anything done? MUSIC SOUND     PACING IN THE ECHOEY DINING HALL AMALAN     So wizards don't wake up as early as warriors.  So what? CAEL     It's dawn.  He said dawn. AMALAN     Barely.  Sit. CAEL     Nah.  I'm hyped.  I'm ready for something really difficult.  A good fight. SOUND     POOF! MAZURIN     The challenge is-- CAEL     [eager] Yes? MAZURIN     Now, if you think the challenge is too hard, you can back out and go away, you know. AMALAN     Ri-i-ight. CAEL     Not gonna happen. MAZURIN     I am not adverse to leaving someone alive to spread word of my cruelty and -- and--. GIGLI     [hissed] Cunning! MAZURIN     And cunning. CAEL     And? MAZURIN     And...?  [thinks] and... meanness? CAEL     [sigh] And the challenge? MAZURIN     Right.  You must ... empty my entire moat into a single tankard. AMALAN     [eyeroll] Oh, jeez. CAEL     [skeptical] Are you sure? MAZURIN     Sure? SOUND     SORTING THROUGH CARDS, STOPS MAZURIN     Um... yes.  That's the first challenge. AMALAN     You wanna tell him, or should I? CAEL     Ok, here's the deal.  I could go out into the yard, smack a big hole in the bottom of a tankard and then cupful by cupful pour slimy moat water into the now bottomless tankard until there's nothing left in your pond but silt, dying fish and a pissed off moat monster. MAZURIN     Oh.  [whispered] Would that work? SOUND     FLIPPING PAGES GIGLI     Uh--  Yeah. CAEL     Or I could-- MAZURIN     [whispered] I can go on to another one. GIGLI     [whispered] Nah.  You can't switch horses in midstream. CAEL     Is everything all right? MAZURIN     [up] Just a moment! AMALAN     Ka-ching! CAEL     What? AMALAN     You aced it - he might demand you actually go through with it, but he seems surprisingly reasonable for an evil wizard. CAEL     I still don't think he's all that evil. AMALAN     He turns people to glass and makes grass that grabs you. CAEL     And I bring in archers to kill the immobilized troops-- MAZURIN     All right.  We've got this settled. AMALAN     He lets his familiar be part of the decision process? CAEL     I talk to a sword.  [up] Yes, oh mighty wizard? MAZURIN     Well. [ahem]  Rather than have to restock my pond-- AMALAN     Boo-yah! MAZURIN     --we're going to take it as read that you completed the first task, and start fresh in the morning. CAEL     What do we do for the rest of the day? MAZURIN     [at a loss]  uh...  well... [doubtful] You could... come and see my workshop? AMALAN     Spare me. CAEL     That would be fascinating. AMALAN     No really, spare me! CAEL     While we're there, you can turn the prince back to flesh. MAZURIN     Oh, right.  Of course. AMALAN     Couldn't you leave me with the blasted goblin?  At least he can hold a conversation. CAEL     Shut up. MAZURIN     What?  Oh, right, the sword.  Did I mention that I've figured out how to turn water to dust, and vice versa?  Mostly only a drop at a time, just yet, mind you - since it's very hard to control in large quantities - oh, well, except for last night-- CAEL     Oh, is that what that was--? MAZURIN     --but I was -uh- trying to make an impression. MUSIC CAEL     [singing, but a bit shaky] the mighty warrior calms her rage goes into the castle dark and drear wond'ring what sort of wicked mage might be he that liv-ed here and whether she would see another day! SOUND     LIGHT BUT ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE MAZURIN     [admiring] You wrote that just last night? CAEL     I - I couldn't sleep.  It's not finished. MUSIC MAZURIN     I work on very small amounts at a time - no need, really, to enchant huge things.  Saves space and lord knows, who wants seven tons of aspic just lying around? MAZ and CAEL     [CHUCKLE] GIGLI     [exasperated]  On that culinary note - Master, do you plan to dine here in the workshop? MAZURIN     Dine?  But it's hardly even dark out--  Oh!  Well.  CAEL     No wonder you keep lighting candles. MAZURIN     I didn't even notice, I was so caught up-- GIGLI     Din-ner? MAZURIN     Of course. Of course.  Shall we? CAEL     [stretching]  I hadn't even thought about it, but I am famished. GIGLI     And your sword? CAEL     don't be silly.  Swords don't eat.  She's been awfully quiet, though. AMALAN     I have been trying to ignore you.  You're acting like a scullery maid who got smiled at by a lord. CAEL     What? AMALAN     And it will get you into trouble- this mage is the enemy.  He's enchanting you. MAZURIN     Something wrong? CAEL     No.  [thinking]  Nothing. MUSIC GIGLI     Sleep well.  Challenge at dawn.  All that. SOUND     DOOR SHUTS CAEL     Check me for magic. AMALAN     Why? CAEL     You're the one who said he's enchanting me. AMALAN     I meant he's charming you - not like a CHARM charm, just by being a smooth talker. CAEL     So you don't really suspect a spell? AMALAN     I don't see anything out of the ordinary. CAEL     Whew.  That's a relief. MUSIC SOUND     BANGING ON THE DOOR GIGLI     Rise and shine!  It's dawn. SOUND     DOOR OPENS SLOWLY GIGLI     Hello?  Hmm. SOUND     FLAPPY STEPS INTO THE ROOM GIGLI     Must already be down there...  [mischievous]  We-e-e-ell.  SOUND     PAWING THROUGH HER THINGS GIGLI     Figures an Amazon wouldn't have anything interesting in the way of undies.  Lace would ride up something fierce.  What's this? SOUND     PARCHMENT UNROLLS GIGLI     [reading] "The great and mighty Queen Luria" blah blah blah "doth decree" Oh doth she?  Blah blah blah.  "That prince Tupin should be returned safely to her royal residence in order to be joined in marriage and alignment with her oldest daughter [ with feeling] princess Cael!"  [tsks, then truly rueful]  Boss ain't gonna like this. MUSIC MAZURIN     The test for today-- [muttered] where is that idiot goblin anyway?  [up] Is for you to clean out the stables of my thirty terribly ferocious horses. CAEL     OK.  But this one's going to be easy too. AMALAN     Unless they've been eating fermented oats - remember that one time at bard camp? MAZURIN     Oh? CAEL     Course.  I've spent my entire life around the royal stables.  Horses like me.  MAZURIN     Oh, I suppose we could just call it even and I could show you a few more-- CAEL     Nonsense. MAZURIN     Nonsense? CAEL     Silly!  First - I might as well prove I can do something to earn my keep.  And second, if it's such a test, I can't imagine the poor horses having to live there without it being cleaned.  Which way? MAZURIN     Oh, um, I'll take you there. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS PROGRESSING THROUGH HALLWAYS CAEL     That would be lovely.  Oh, is there anything in the tests that says I can't ask someone for help? MAZURIN     I'm not sure - Gigli would know, but-- CAEL     Well, I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. MAZURIN     But there's only really one, well, person, you could call on to help, and Gigli isn't fond of any kind of animals-- CAEL     Oh, he's not who I was thinking of. MAZURIN     What, who, then? CAEL     Nuh-uh.  Not until you decide if I can - don't want to give it away. MAZURIN     [enjoying the byplay]  Shall I guess? CAEL     Nope, just decide, then I'll tell you. MAZURIN     All right.  Yes.  You can ask someone, but I can't constrain them into helping you. CAEL     [laughs]  Fine.  You wanna help? MAZURIN     Me? CAEL     I'll do all the heavy lifting, but I thought maybe once the bulk is gone, there's plenty of dust in a good old hayloft... MAZURIN     Oh!  [laughs himself] Oh, yes! AMALAN     [disgusted] Oh, gods. MUSIC GIGLI     No, no, no, no, NO!  She wasn't supposed to have any help at all - how could you have missed that part? MAZURIN     You weren't there to cue me, so you can't complain.  What do you think of my beard? GIGLI     Your beard?  Why? MAZURIN     I've trimmed it down a bit - I think it's rather dashing. GIGLI     [disgusted] Dashing? MAZURIN     Makes me look a bit of a rakehell.  Do you think I should wear the green or the black robe?  I like green better myself, but black is so very... oh... manly-- [hums tunelessly to himself.] GIGLI     Oh, you moron!  [sigh]  She's supposed to marry the prince. MAZURIN     [hum cuts out with a gasp]  wh-wh-whatever do you mean?  [Blustering, trying to laugh] What?  Ha-ha-ha.  [losing momentum, starting to wind down]  What did you think I was ... doing? GIGLI     I really hate to burst your bubble, especially since you actually eat and bathe right now, but I saw it in her gear.  She has to get the prince back and marry him. MAZURIN     She has to-- GIGLI     Said "Princess Cael" big as life.  MAZURIN     Oh. MUSIC SOUND     CAEL GETTING DRESSED AMALAN     Lucky for you, you were in the barn when he doused it.  No one likes a smelly Amazon. CAEL     Do you remember if I packed my teal chemise?  AMALAN     Isn't that the one you only wear for state occasions? CAEL     Um, yes... AMALAN     The one you say rides too tight through the chest and you hate to wear except that it brings out your eyes? CAEL     [overly casual]  Yes.  Did I pack it? AMALAN     I distinctly recall the words [mimicking] "phooey, when I go to do battle, who's looking at my... eyes?" CAEL     Drat. AMALAN     How can you stand him?  He's so dull! CAEL     Dull?  What do you mean? AMALAN     I mean what could possibly be more completely boring than turning dust to water - oh, yes.  Turning locusts to aspic.  That was much more boring. CAEL     It was not.  It's important magic.  He's very clever. AMALAN     Clever like a fox.  No wait that's wrong... right... anyway, forget it.  I means he's deliberately being disarming, CAEL     Speaking of disarming... SOUND     BUCKLE BEING UNBUCKLED, SWORD LEFT BEHIND AMALAN     What are you doing? CAEL     Just what you asked me to do - Sparing you. AMALAN     What? CAEL     No reason I'd need a sword at dinner.  Even with an evil wizard. MUSIC SOUND     EAGER, MESSY EATING NOISES MAZURIN     [heartfelt heavy sigh] TUPIN     [mouth full]  So where's this princess?  She one of those who likes to make an entrance?  Man, she must have seriously kicked your ass, eh?  Is she  hot?  GIGLI     [muttered] I'd actually forgotten-- SOUND     BIG DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS MAZURIN     [deeply affected - she looks good]  Oh. TUPIN     [eating stops, swallow] That her?  Man, she's kinda chunky.  And old. GIGLI     Oh, for a hammer. SOUND     [under the talking] MAZURIN'S CHAIR SQUEAKS OUT, HE TAKES A STUMBLING STEP AND THEN PULLS A CHAIR OUT FOR HER MAZURIN     [barely able to talk]  You look - very nice.  Very. TUPIN     Aren't you a little underdressed?  CAEL     I - who? [whispered] Who is that? GIGLI     You don't recognize him?  CAEL     Oh, the prince!  Greetings, your highness.  So pleased to see you upright - or at least sitting down.  MAZURIN     Have a seat, milady? CAEL     Thank you so much, kind sir. TUPIN     I don't have to stand.  I'm royalty. CAEL     What? TUPIN     That crack about me not getting up when you came in - it's not like you're my mom or anything.  Princes don't have to stand. GIGLI     [whispered] Please let me leave, boss.  I'm gonna kill him. CAEL     I didn't mean anything-- MAZURIN     [whispered] Go, then. GIGLI     As you command. SOUND     QUICK SLAPPY STEPS, DOOR TUPIN     Well, you sounded very critical.  I don't put up with that from anybody.  Not even other royalty. MUSIC SOUND     DOOR OPENS AMALAN     Who's there? GIGLI     Where is it...? SOUND     SLAPPY FEET, SWORD SLID OUT OF SHEATH AMALAN     Unhand me! GIGLI     Hey, just wanted to ask you a couple of questions - as if I know what to do with a sword...  Well, there is this prince... [nasty chuckle] AMALAN     Prince Tupin? GIGLI     Yeah.  What a prize. AMALAN     That bad?  Is he - of course!  He's awake, isn't he? GIGLI     Unfortunately. AMALAN     Oh, man, and I'm missing it.  GIGLI     If she doesn't clock him by the end of the evening, I'm no familiar. AMALAN     Nah.  She's under strict orders. GIGLI     Yeah, I know. AMALAN     You know.... what? GIGLI     Oh, I was scouting for my master, and found the parchment in her things.  He was really disappointed, you know. AMALAN     Disappointed?  Your master?  Why? GIGLI     That your princess will be marrying the prince. AMALAN     Big whoop.  She has to marry someone.  Besides, it's years off. GIGLI     Yeah, but he--  Nothing. AMALAN     He what? GIGLI     It's kind of amazing, really.  Never seen my boss like this before - you know, picking out clothes by more than smell.  And then finding out she's spoken for. AMALAN     He's interested in the princess?  That's kind of creepy. GIGLI     Why?  He may be a wizard, but he is a man. AMALAN     Perv. GIGLI     Hey, she may not be my type, but she's not so hard on the eyes.  You should be more supportive. AMALAN     You're a perv too.  The princess is only 13!  GIGLI     [blink blink]  She's really tall, then. AMALAN     Huh?  Have you even seen the princess? GIGLI     [halting]  Your... lady warrior? AMALAN     Oh, heck no.  The princess Cael is-- Oh!  You thought my boss was the princess?  Gads!  Half the girls in the country are named Cael, for the great queen who led her people out of darkness and taught them to fight? GIGLI     Oh?  Oh!  I've got to tell him! SOUND     SLAPPY FEET AMALAN     Wait!  You mean your master is really-- I thought he was just softening her up. GIGLI     [snorts]  He wouldn't know how to begin.  Short of turning her to aspic... MUSIC CAEL     With the extra horses, I can him get there and make it back in about two weeks. MAZURIN     [a bit negative] Back? CAEL     Yes.  MAZURIN     [grumpy] Why? CAEL     [a bit deflated]  To... return the horses? MAZURIN     Oh, of course.  [lying badly] I may not be here.  I have a big trip coming up.  But Gigli can see that you have a place to sleep... CAEL     [backing off] Or I could always send someone with them. SOUND     DOOR SLAMS OPEN, SLAPPY FEET RUN IN GIGLI     Sire!  There has been a grave error! MAZURIN     [sharp]  What? GIGLI     It's entirely my fault, I admit - wait, what happened to the prince? CAEL     He fell asleep.  I think he ate too much. GIGLI     [chuckles] I'll bet.  Good one, sire. MAZURIN     What is your news, mannikin? GIGLI     Ah, yes.  Um, can you come over here, maybe?  CAEL     I can... leave. GIGLI     No!  [urging] Master? MAZURIN     Just spit it out.  GIGLI     [whispered] She's not the one. CAEL     Not the one what? MAZURIN     Not?  What?  GIGLI     Arrying-may the ince-pray. CAEL     Your goblin has lost its mind. MAZURIN     Not marrying the prince?  You're not marrying the prince? CAEL     Me?  Oh, gods no!! MAZURIN     But he saw-- GIGLI     Princess Cael is marrying him. CAEL     Yeah.  She's my cousin.  It's all arranged for her eighteenth birthday.  Hey, if they ask, can I tell them you'll turn him back to glass until then? MAZURIN     Not you? CAEL     No.  [thankful and sarcastic] I'm not worthy of one such as him.  Besides, he's years younger than me. MAZURIN     Then you can marry anyone you want? CAEL     Once I successfully complete my quest.  That's kind of why I took it. MAZURIN     [horrible anticipation] Did you - have someone in mind? CAEL     [suddenly shy]  No.  Why? MAZURIN     Nothing.  Just-- GIGLI     This is disgusting.  Just kiss her.  CAEL     But there's a third test--? MAZURIN     Oh, yes... GIGLI     [eye roll]  The third test was too see if you could listen to the wizard and not fall asleep - boom, you win.  Kiss her. MAZURIN     [excited]  Can we do that? GIGLI     The whole test thing was mostly because I was really, really bored.  ...And tradition. CAEL     We should hold off the kissing until I complete my quest.  There's always the chance the prince will get lost in the forest on the way back. GIGLI     Now there's an idea... MAZURIN     Perhaps an escort would be helpful?  Hmm? CAEL     ...and a cart.  Then he could sleep the entire trip! GIGLI     Poor princess. CAEL     She throws things.  I think they're actually well matched. MAZURIN     [giddy]  Well, perhaps a toast? CAEL     And then you can finish telling me about your research into the relationship between the angle of sunlight and the movements of pond slime. MAZURIN     Only if you promise to complete that ballad you were writing and sing it for me on the trip. GIGLI     [disgusted moan] END  

19 Nocturne Boulevard
Housewarming by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2023 31:13


In classic 1940s Hollywood, aspiring screenwriter Fiona Cross discovers the pitfalls of writing remakes - including, perhaps, romance with an undying legend of the silver screen. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Fiona Cross - E. Vickery Victor Malacard - Cole Hornaday George - Jerry Bennett Margie - Kristina Yuen Andy - Michael Faigenblum Additional Voices - Rhea Lutton, Julie Hoverson,  Reynaud LeBoeuf Music:  Gabriel Garcea (gagamusic.eu) (also available on Jamendo) 19 Nocturne Theme:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Sound effects found on Soundsnap.com Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Cover Photos:  (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com) "What kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a movie studio office - can't you tell? Where else would you find... a screenwriter?" _______________________________________________     HOUSEWARMING Cast:   [opening credits/Olivia] Fiona Cross, screenwriter   George Webber, producer   Victor Malacard, actor/director   Margie, best friend   Mason, butler   Andy, a Messenger   Instructor voice, on P.A. Landlady   OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What  do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a film producer's office, can't  you tell?   SCENE 1 MUSIC SOUND EFFICIENT TYPING, PHONES IN THE BACKGROUND GEORGE The bad news is -it's really very good. FIONA [excited] Wonderful! [waitaminute] That's  the bad news? GEORGE Yup. Because we can't use it. SOUND SHEAF OF PAPERS TOSSED ONTO TABLE. FIONA What? But ...but Mr. Webber, you said it  was GEORGE Practically brilliant. I'll even read your  next one, and I don't say that often.  [pauses, thinks] Ever. But, Miss Cross...  you should know by now that writing remakes  is a complete waste of time. There's all  sorts of issues. We don't want to get sued. FIONA But The House on the Peak was made- GEORGE Twenty-odd years ago. It's still dicey.  Whoever owns it could sue us, and after that  fiasco at Champion pictures last year...  We're taking no chances. We're not Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, you know. FIONA If ... what if I could make an arrangement  with the owner? Would you still be  interested? GEORGE [cagey] Well, I said it was good, but I  never actually said I was interested.  [beat] Come back when you've got a  signature. MUSIC BRIDGE   SCENE 2 SOUND TINNY PHONOGRAPH MUSIC INSTRUCTOR [off mike throughout] And lift. One. Two. FIONA [puffing slightly throughout] All that  work! MARGIE [puffing slightly throughout] Goodness,  Fiona, didn't anyone ever tell you never  adapt? INSTRUCTOR ...five and six. Arms up! FIONA I guess I figured the studio would handle  all that. MARGIE [teasing] Did you just drop off the turnip  truck -Oh, sorry, the porkchop truck. INSTRUCTOR ...seven and eight -keep them up! FIONA [teasing back] You just watch it, we  Piggottsville girls are tough! [puffs a  bit] Now I just have to get up the nerve. MARGIE [sarcastic] Nerve? YOU? I can't imagine! INSTRUCTOR [off] I hear someone talking! FIONA [whispered] Enough nerve to go and talk to  Victor Malacard. MUSIC BRIDGE   SCENE 3 SOUND CAR DRIVES AWAY. WOODSY NOISES FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA OK, Fee. Let's see what you've got. Scene:  Heroine walks up to big spooky house. She  is nervous. Almost trembling -wait, no  scratch that. She is resolved, plucky.  Much better. SOUND CREAK OF WOOD, BIRD CALL FIONA [slightly spooked] Or not. Come on, Fee.  You can DO this. Plucky heroine, for  goodness sake. Pluck up. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA What a scene. Artfully disheveled garden.  Overgrown and dried out fountain. Huge  mansion in exactly the proper state of  dilapidation. [tries to laugh] I should be  taking notes. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD STAIRS FIONA [practicing] Mr. Malacard, I am such a big  fan of--No, I'm sure he hears THAT all  the- SOUND FOOTSTEPS SLOW DOWN, THEN STOP. FIONA [firm] Mr. Malacard. I have a proposition  for--Oh pooh! [ingratiating] Mr.  Malacard. How wonderful to finally meet- SOUND DOOR CREAKS OPEN. FIONA [gasp] MASON [spooky and unwelcoming] May I help you? FIONA [muttered] I bet you get a lot of these  roles. MASON Hmm? FIONA Sorry. Nothing. I would like to speak to  Mr. Malacard. MASON No. SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT. FIONA What? Aren't you supposed to say something  like [aping his voice] "I'm afraid Mr.  Malacard... isn't himself today." [normal  voice] and give me a chance to argue with  you? [pause] Huh? SOUND TWO FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD, THEN SHE SITS ON THE  STAIR WITH A CREAK. FIONA [calling over her shoulder] Very well,  then. I'm not leaving. I'll just sit here  until the spiderwebs grow up over me and I  become part of the set! SOUND BIRDS. FIONA [muttered] Or at least until I get up the  nerve to walk back to town. [sigh] Well,  it's kind of nice here, anyway. Peaceful.  [takes a couple of deep breaths] SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL APPROACH VICTOR [coming on mike] Can I help you? FIONA What? Oh! [noises, as she stands] Mr.  Mal--Wait. You can't be--I'm confused. VICTOR [chuckles] I look just like him, don't I?  I'm Victor Malacard the lesser. Call me  Vic. FIONA Fiona Cross. I'm so pleased! I'm a writer,  you see, and-15            VICTOR [cold] So sorry. Father doesn't give  interviews. FIONA Oh, no -I'm a screenwriter. I wrote a  wonderful script- VICTOR [perturbed] He doesn't act any more,  either. FIONA Does he let people finish their sentences? VICTOR [chuckling in spite of himself] All right.  Just point to me when it's my cue. FIONA [deep breath] I wrote a new version of The  House on the Peak, your father's  masterpiece, and I would very much like to  get it produced- FIONA --because I spent a lot of time on it, and  I know he would be flattered if he could  only read it, because, well, the original  was brilliant, but most people DO like sound  nowadays, and this would bring his work back  for more people to see, and if I could just  get his permission, I have a studio which is  VERY interested. VICTOR [pause] My turn? Then... all right. FIONA All right then, what? VICTOR Let me read it. I'll see if it's all you  say it is. FIONA But your father- VICTOR Is old and very ill -one reason I cannot  let anyone into the house. I have all the  authority necessary. I assume you brought your script? FIONA Oh, yes! SOUND SNAPS OPEN SHOULDERBAG, PULLS OUT SHEAF OF  PAPERS. FIONA Really, I'm a much better writer than I must  sound like, from the way I talk. I just get  really- SOUND A COUPLE OF PAGES FLIP VICTOR Come back in a couple of days. Saturday. FIONA Oh, no! I've heard that one before. It's  not so late, I'll wait while you read it.  [BEAT] Besides, I need to borrow your phone  to call a cab. VICTOR [cold] I'm afraid you're doomed to  disappointment on many levels, Miss Cross.  I refuse to read on demand, and you cannot  come in. FIONA But it's miles to the nearest- VICTOR You'd better start walking. I will see you  on Saturday. MUSIC TIME PASSES   SCENE 4 SOUND DOOR OPENS. CRACKLE OF WAXED PAPER. VICTOR [warning] I am not going to--[surprised]  What is that? FIONA Lunch. You're not going to what? VICTOR You brought - FIONA If there's one thing that Hollywood taught  me, it's come prepared for a siege. You're  lucky I didn't have time to make pastrami  and onion sandwiches, though they work a  whole lot better in an office. VICTOR Work... better? FIONA Nothing like the chance you might stink up  someone's office to motivate them to give  you five minutes. VICTOR [chuckles] FIONA Want some? VICTOR What? Oh, no -I've eaten. FIONA [snort] Hospital food, I bet -all bland and  toothless. It's always like that when  someone in the house is sick. VICTOR No, [sighs, then, resigned] no -if there's  one thing Mason makes certain of, it's that  the food is good. FIONA That your butler? Or is he some kind of  nurse? VICTOR Some kind... um, something. FIONA [bright, teasing] So, did you read it yet? VICTOR There's hardly been time- FIONA [Sweetly] Then why waste it talking to me? VICTOR [sad] It's not something I get to do very  often. Talking. To someone. FIONA Read the script, and I promise I'll come  back and talk up a storm. SOUND DISTANT THUNDER VICTOR [sigh, pause] Speaking of storms, it looks  like rain. If you need to walk back to  town, you'd best get started. FIONA I'm a farm girl. We're built tough. And  reasonably waterproof. VICTOR [chuckle ruefully] SOUND DOOR SHUTS. MUSIC TIME PASSES   SCENE 5 SOUND CRICKETS, NIGHT SOUNDS, RAIN [a beat] DOOR  OPENS VICTOR Tsk. Do you know what time it is? FIONA Judging from the position of the stars, what  little I can see of them -my watch says  about 9. VICTOR [a beat, then] I read it. FIONA [gasps, then tight] And? VICTOR It's brilliant. FIONA Really? VICTOR Here's your release. My lawyer can validate  it in the morning. FIONA Oh! I could kiss you [SHE DOES] VICTOR [shaken] I... Miss Cross...! FIONA Fiona. You know, you really do look like  your father. You're lucky. He was really  something, back in the day. It's those  eyes. VICTOR Yes, I... [with emphasis] He... SOUND CAR APPROACHES, STOPS. VICTOR What? Who the devil--? FIONA My cab. I arranged for it to pick me up at 9. Siege or not, I'm not sleeping on  anyone's doorstep but my own. Thanks again! SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA [off] ...and if you're ever in town...! VICTOR [yelling slightly] Of course...! SOUND CAR DOOR SLAMS SOUND HOUSE DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN. VICTOR [sadly to self] ...not. SOUND SLOW FOOTSTEPS ACROSS THE PORCH. MUSIC   SCENE 6 SOUND TENNIS, CROWD, IN BACKGROUND THROUGHOUT. MARGIE So, they loved it. Did you write yourself a  part? FIONA What? MARGIE Oh, come on-don't tell me you only aspire  to be the pen and not the face? FIONA I just enjoy writing. I'm in complete  control of the world. Everyone in my story  has to listen to me and do what I say. MARGIE But acting is where the fame is. FIONA Who wants fame? VOICE ON P.A. [filter] Number 33, Court 1 is open. MARGIE Are we getting close? SOUND RUSTLE OF PAPER FIONA Should be next. MARGIE So you're in it for the money? FIONA No... I guess... I'm in it to ... to see it  happen. MARGIE [pause] Are you explaining or should I order  another drink? FIONA I want to see things from my imagination up  there on the screen. I want to create  something that people will remember. MARGIE And you don't want to be famous or rich?  You're nuts. FIONA Rich would be OK, but famous just means you  never get away. That must be why Mr.  Malacard lives out in the country -to get  away from the craziness. MARGIE Craziness? In Hollywood? Perish the  thought! [pause] So, can I have your part? FIONA [laughs] There aren't really any good  female roles in the House on the Peak. MARGIE Will I sound hopelessly undereducated if I  admit I've never actually seen this fabulous  item? FIONA You never--? Where did you grow up, a cave?  I mean even in Piggottsville, it showed for  three whole nights -and then each year near  Halloween. I think the theater proprietress musta had a thing for Malacard. MARGIE Spare me the down home gossip and tell me  about this masterpiece. FIONA Well, it's sort of modeled on this story by  Edgar Allen Poe- MARGIE Didja have to get permission from him, too? FIONA Shush. He's been dead for -I dunno, a  century? Besides, it's not really the same  idea, just the tone. See, there's this guy  who goes home after his father's death, to  see his twin brother who he hasn't seen in  years- MARGIE Which one was your mysterious actor? FIONA Oh, Victor Malacard played both brothers.  It was groundbreaking at the time -using  cutaways and doubles- MARGIE Is this important? FIONA [chuckles] I guess not. But the brother  who'd been away was a man of the world, very  caught up in business, and the one who  stayed was a strange lonely man who talked  to himself- MARGIE [sarcastic] In a silent film, no less. FIONA [agreeing] Malacard was a genius. They've  got their eye on this new fellow -he was in  that film, "Laura"- MARGIE Stick to the point! FIONA Tsk. So it turns out the house is alive,  and must have a family member in residence  or it will die. But the one who stayed  would live forever, barring falling out of a  window, which is what'd happened to their  father. MARGIE Foul play? FIONA You got it -turns out one of the sons had  killed dear old dad to take his place as  head of the family, and live forever. MARGIE Was it the creepy one? VOICE ON P.A. [filter] Number 34, court 3 is open. SOUND GLASS PUT DOWN, BAGS SNATCHED UP FIONA I'll tell you whodunnit... but only if you  beat me. MUSIC   SCENE 7 SOUND CAR DOOR SLAMS. FEET ON GRAVEL. FEET SLOW DOWN. FIONA Oh. Hullo! SOUND CAB DRIVES AWAY VICTOR I heard you coming. FIONA Oh, and here I thought old Igor your butler  was a warlock or something. VICTOR Mason is a lot of things, but--[pause]  What's that? More scripts? FIONA No, silly. It's a picnic. VICTOR A what--? FIONA Pic. Nic. Food to eat outside so as not to  bother those inside whom shall not be named. VICTOR But, you- FIONA I promised I would talk up a storm, didn't  I? If Hollywood taught me one thing, it's  to keep my promises. VICTOR Well. [bemused, but pleased] Very well,  then. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. DOOR OPENS [OFF]. MASON [off] Sir? VICTOR [calling] Don't worry, I'll stay where you  can see me. MASON [off] Very good, sir. FIONA Wow, he sure keeps you on a short leash. VICTOR [deep with meaning] So true. FIONA Well, this looks good -and see, there's a  window right there where your keeper can  peep out and make sure nothing improper  happens. SOUND BLANKET SPREAD, THINGS BEING TAKEN OUT OF  PICNIC BASKET VICTOR [deep sigh] FIONA [sincere] I do understand. My gramma raised  me -she was from the old country, very wild  Irish, and hospitals would never, never do.  So when she took ill at the end, I had to  look after her. And the farm. Just the two  of us, right up til she passed. VICTOR So being tired of the sticks, you came right  out to Hollywood, no training wheels or  anything? FIONA Oh, I figure I'll go back someday -not to  the farm, but to the country. Being down  here -well, down there -is tough -there  are so many people everywhere. VICTOR Better than being lonely- FIONA You can be lonely in a crowd just as easy as  on a farm, and it's much noisier. The  crowd, I mean. VICTOR More material for your writing. FIONA I don't agree. I figure growing up pretty  much alone is why I have such a good  imagination. Keeping myself occupied,  making up folks to talk to. VICTOR [moving in romantically] And you enjoyed my  --my father's film so much that you decided  to put words to it? FIONA [slightly breathless] I... I didn't so much  write them as sort of translate what he  already said. VICTOR [deep and husky] And very well too. FIONA [gasp, deeply important] Before this goes  any further, I have to say something. VICTOR [snapping out of it] I--we--of course, we  shouldn't- FIONA Since the studio is picking up the cost of  lunch, we have to talk business. I hope you  don't mind. VICTOR [vastly relieved, deep breath] Of course.  Mm, that smells good. No pastrami and  onions? FIONA [laughing] No. [serious] See, the studio  wants to know if we can add a girl -a  romance -to the story. Seems everything  just has to have a love interest these days. VICTOR [sharp] A what? FIONA And a happy ending. They don't want- VICTOR No! Under no circumstances! They're not  going to ruin my--[through gritted teeth]  my... father's vision -with sentimental  claptrap. FIONA [teasing] Really? Sentimental claptrap is  all the rage nowadays. [change of tone,  satisfied] Good. That's what I thought,  but they won't listen to me. Business over. VICTOR But you- FIONA Oh, don't get me wrong, I like romance as  much as the next girl, but it would weaken  the drama. Try a taste of this. VICTOR Um, yes. [takes a bite] That's -mmm,  that's delicious. The drama, you say? Have  you been writing for very long? FIONA This is my first script. That I've  completed, anyway. I've got lots of ideas,  but this one just sort of made me finish it.  It's a bit of an obsession, I guess. VICTOR You should write more. It was very good.  [pause, then throaty] Maybe... romance...  next time. FIONA [oblivious] Maybe. I guess it's easier to  write what you know, though. VICTOR [still making his move] Really? No romance  on the horizon, no beau back home on the  farm? FIONA [reacting, almost breathless] No -no one.  I've ... never... not really, anyway... Oh.  [long indrawn breath, then a teasing  whisper] Your butler's watching us. VICTOR [breaks away] Blast! I can't even--!  [muttered growl] Look at him. [heavy sigh,  then businesslike] This has been very  pleasant, Miss Cross, but I must go- SOUND GETS UP, FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, MOVING QUICKLY FIONA Hmph? SOUND BITING A CARROT MUSIC   SCENE 8 SOUND BUSY LUNCH COUNTER MARGIE So do you make a habit of scaring off men? FIONA Well -there was this boy back at Jefferson  junior high ... No, I'm teasing. I've  never had much of a chance to try -guess  I'm just a natural. MARGIE And he was circling in for the kill, ready  to land a knockout, when- FIONA The ref appeared and he threw in the towel.  You don't usually think of grown men as  needing a chaperone. MARGIE Maybe he's old fashioned and is trying to  look out for your reputation or something. FIONA Old fashioned I would buy. He's got this  courtly way about him...just like his  father, at least the way he was on the  screen. This sort of graceful way of moving  that expresses so much. MARGIE And what was he expressing just before the  bell rang to call the match? FIONA Well... [blushing] He wasn't afraid -I can  say that for sure. MUSIC   SCENE 9 SOUND CAR DRIVES AWAY, FEET ON GRAVEL VICTOR You found your way back? FIONA The picnic was to thank you. Now I'm  buttering you up in case I want to remake  another one of your father's films. VICTOR So what's in the bag this time? Dare I  guess? FIONA No, silly. It's a surprise. I figure, not  leaving the house much, you don't get to  have a lot of fun. VICTOR My... father- FIONA Exactly. So, I figured I'd bring the some  to you. VICTOR Fun? FIONA I remembered you had a swimming pool. VICTOR Pool? But--But there's no water- FIONA And swimsuits don't clank. SOUND CLANK OF SOMETHING METAL IN BAG VICTOR Then, what--? FIONA We-e-ell, can we go look at the pool? VICTOR Uh--yes? SOUND FEET ON GRASS FIONA I hope you don't mind my coming up here like  this. I'm just so exuberant. Or is that  the right word? VICTOR Well, you sound exuberant to me. FIONA Aha, the pool. Oh, good, it's nice and  clean. VICTOR Mason sees to the grounds as well as the  house. FIONA So, here. SOUND CLANK AS BAG IS SET DOWN, UNTYING OF KNOT VICTOR I--I'm intrigued. What do you have there? FIONA Keep in mind, I'm kind of unsophisticated,  here. Another girl might have brought  champagne or something. I hope this isn't  too disappointing. SOUND METAL CLANK VICTOR I can't even tell what those are -I see  metals and wheels, and- FIONA Silly, it's roller skates! MUSIC   SCENE 10 MARGIE Roller skates? You had a chance to romance  a bigwig, and you took him roller skates? FIONA The pool was perfect -I couldn't resist. MARGIE And the two of you rolled around the bottom  of the pool like children? FIONA More or less. Well, mostly me. He was a  bit too dignified to give it a fair shake. MARGIE But you didn't roll around like grownups? FIONA What? MARGIE Nothing. MUSIC   SCENE 11 SOUND CAR DRIVES AWAY, FEET ON GRAVEL FIONA Hello? [beat, then chuckles] Maybe he  didn't see me coming, for once? SOUND FOOTSTEPS IN LEAVES FIONA Hello? How tragic. A perfectly good cab  ride wasted. [worried] Maybe his father's  not doing well. SOUND DOOR OPENS MASON Miss? FIONA Oh, gosh -sorry! I guess I kind of  expected Vic to be around somewhere. He  usually is. MASON He's busy. Inside. [ominous] Would you  like to come in? FIONA Oh, Vic said it's- MASON It's no problem. Really. FIONA Sure. Thanks a lot. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL FIONA I can always, go, you know. I don't want to  be a bother. MASON No bother. You're quite welcome here. SOUND FOOTSTEPS SLOW A BIT ON THE WOODEN STAIRS FIONA It'll be interesting to see inside. VICTOR [distant] Fiona? Is that you? SOUND RUNNING FEET APPROACH VICTOR [angry, worried] What's going on? Mason?  [beat] Fiona? FIONA Just looking for you. Mason said you might  be inside. VICTOR [angry hiss] Inside? Get out of here,  Fiona. Just go. We'll be talking about  this, Mason. SOUND FOOTSTEPS DOWN STAIRS INTO GRAVEL FIONA [puzzled] Victor? VICTOR [whispered] I don't want you going in and...  catching anything. Understand? FIONA All right. Um, sorry? VICTOR [cold] Goodbye. [up] Mason! MUSIC   SCENE 12 GEORGE [very serious] Thank you for coming in, Miss  Cross. We have a bit of a problem. FIONA You couldn't get that actor, Price? GEORGE More serious than that. [heavy pause]  Mr. Malacard. FIONA What happened? Is Vic's dad OK? GEORGE Sorry, I meant the son. He rang up  yesterday and said, well... said you've been  pestering him. FIONA [shocked] ...pestering? GEORGE Yes. He said he'll pull the permission for  the film if you bother him again. FIONA [nearly in tears] B-but... I--He never  said- GEORGE [fatherly] Just lay off, at least until the  film is finished. Once it's in  distribution, you can pester him all you  want. FIONA Oh! [sobbing] SOUND CHAIR SCRAPE, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, DOOR BANGS  OPEN. MUSIC   SCENE 13 SOUND COCKTAIL LOUNGE, MANY ROWDY PEOPLE IN  BACKGROUND FIONA [very down] Pestering. That's what he  said. Apparently. Vic couldn't even tell  me to my face, [breaking down into tears] he  had to send it through- MARGIE There, there. [calls] Waiter! Bring  another one. [half whispered] A double. FIONA No. I really shouldn't. [moping again] I  guess I deserve it -he didn't say I could  come back, but... The picnic was NICE.  Everything was nice. He was nice. Real  nice. I thought. MARGIE They all seem nice -say, you didn't let him  ... have his wicked way with you, didja? FIONA What? No! [melting] I mean, he almost  kissed me at the picnic, but the butler was  watching. MARGIE That's it, then. The butler did it.  Probably threatened to quit or something.  Good help is a lot harder to find in this  town than pretty girls. [lecturing] Most  servants are just actors waiting to be  discovered -they're just not very good, or  they'd be able to act like servants. FIONA [almost a laugh] Hmph. MARGIE That's better. What you need is a night at  a dance hall -meet some nice guys, wear  yourself out, then you can sleep. I  promise, all you'll be worrying about in the  morning is your bunions. MUSIC   SCENE 14 SOUND PERSISTENT CITY NIGHT NOISES. SOUND PHONE RINGS, OFF [PAUSE] THEN POUNDING ON A  DOOR FIONA [waking] Yes? Mm-what? LANDLADY [very annoyed] Phone for you. MUSIC   SCENE 15 SOUND CAB PULLS UP, DOOR SLAMS, RUNNING FEET ON  GRAVEL FIONA [panting] SOUND FEET RUN UP WOOD STAIRS, POUNDING ON DOOR FIONA Hello? Hello? SOUND DOOR SWINGS OPEN MASON [very calm] Oh, good. Come in. FIONA Mason? What happened? You said it was an  emergency? SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE  UNDER MASON This way, miss. FIONA [getting more panicky] But, is Vic hurt?  Did his father...? What could he --what  could he want me here for? MASON Through here. SOUND DOOR OPENS MASON The master will be right in, Miss. SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT. FIONA [gasp, then yelling] You could at least  turn on a light! [to herself] Which  master? Maybe I'll finally- SOUND DOOR OPENS MASON [off] Just through here, sir. SOUND RELUCTANT FOOTSTEPS MASON [off, condescending] I think this will help  with your --mood, sir. VICTOR [coming on] I can't think of anything worth  getting me up in the middle of the--Fiona?  [truly upset] MASON [off, condescending] Now everything will be  better. FIONA Oh, Vic, I shouldn't have come. I'm so  sorry! Please don't- VICTOR Oh, no! No! FIONA But Mason called me. He said- VICTOR Mason! That filthy--!! SOUND DOOR SLAM CUTS HIM OFF FIONA What is it? VICTOR We must get you out of here! SOUND RUNNING FEET, POUNDING ON WINDOWS, TRYING TO  GET THEM TO OPEN FIONA I don't understand, Vic? VICTOR Blast it Fiona, help me. FIONA No. I want to know what's going on. VICTOR Is this one of those things Hollywood taught  you? Take a bad situation and make it  worse? FIONA No. Oh, here [grunt as she helps try and  push] I wasn't going to ... to not help.  I'm just confused. VICTOR [grunt, then angry noise] No use, they're  sealed. FIONA They are glass. There must be a chair or  something- VICTOR It's never that easy -trust me. This way.  Come on. SOUND RUNNING FEET, SLAM AGAINST CLOSED DOOR BOTH are getting BREATHLESS FIONA Locked! VICTOR Maybe down here! SOUND MORE RUNNING FOOTSTEPS FIONA Don't you know your own house? VICTOR [harsh laugh] Don't slow down. SOUND RUNNING, SCRAMBLE, RATTLE OF LOCKED DOOR FIONA Victor, wait! VICTOR No! I will NOT let him get you! SOUND POUNDING ON DOOR, BUT SLOWER VICTOR [sobs] I won't let IT! FIONA Victor. Breathe, Victor! VICTOR I'm so sorry, Fiona. I don't understand why  it brought you here. FIONA It? Oh! [dawning] Um, I guess everyone  agreed the story needed a bit of romance. VICTOR What? FIONA Your house. It's just like the film -or  close to it -isn't it? VICTOR How could you think--How could you know? FIONA I told you I have a good imagination. VICTOR But you- FIONA And you're the one and only Victor Malacard. VICTOR You're mad! I would have to be- FIONA Almost 60. I looked it up. And you don't  look a day over 35. Coincidentally, the age  you were when you went into seclusion. You  look like him, move like him -even the way  your lips move when you talk -not even  father and son can be THAT much alike. VICTOR It's... the house. FIONA And Mason? VICTOR Mason's not a... person. Just part of it.  The house. He... speaks for it. FIONA And watches over you. VICTOR Keeps me prisoner, you mean. [sadly] And  now, you too. Fiona, I am so dreadfully- FIONA Shh. [calling] Mason? I want to talk to  you -whatever you are. MASON [deep, on filter] Yes miss? VICTOR [yelling] You let her go, you wretch! FIONA Shh. Victor. It'll be fine. VICTOR No...! FIONA Yes. [SOUND -brief kiss] If there's one  thing I learned in Hollywood, it's there's  always room for negotiation. [calling,  sweetly] Mason? MUSIC, fades into-   SCENE 15 MUSIC 1960S BUBBLEGUM POP ON A TINNY RADIO,  DISTANT, WITH BIRDS AND OUTDOOR NOISES.   SOUND MOTORCYCLE APPROACHES, STOPS FIONA [coming on] Ah! Over here, Bobby! Oh! I  was expecting- ANDY Sorry! I'm Andy -Bobby retired. FIONA [chuckles] It's so hard to keep track.  Well, then, Andy. Do you have my packages? SOUND LOADING UP WITH PACKAGES AS HE SPEAKS ANDY Yup, packages from Woolworth's and Mays, a  big bundle of magazines, and here's one from  the studio -a film canister -gee do you  have your own theater? That's way out  there, man, I mean ma'am. FIONA [chuckles] Just leave everything on the  porch. The butler will see that it all gets  inside in one piece. And here's my latest  screenplay -hardly a fair trade, but an  easier trip, eh? Get it to George -no,  wait... I mean Harold, don't I? Harold  Mills is in production these days, right? SOUND SCRIPT CHANGES HANDS ANDY Umm... [working up to say something] So  you're Fiona Cross Malacard? The one who  wrote Trapped by Love? That was a groovy  flick, even if it is kind of ancient. FIONA Well, thank you, Andy. [chuckles] I guess. ANDY But you don't look--I mean, you're really  much--oh, criminee. I mean to say- FIONA You're trying not to say I must be older  than I look? ANDY Uh-huh. FIONA I'll take the compliment. I put it down to  clean country air, good healthy food... VICTOR [way off] Fiona? Was that the deliveries? FIONA ...and a wonderful husband. ANDY Having servants don't hurt neither, eh? FIONA [ironic] No -no, it don't. MUSIC TO END  

19 Nocturne Boulevard
For Art's Sake by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 16, 2023 29:59


[mature language and violence] Roy Chambers, self-proclaimed "artist of junk" becomes suspicious about the intricate work of another sculptor. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Roy Chambers - J.D. Lloyd Gwynneth Robinson Molly Tollefson Vivienne - Rhys TM Robert - Mr. Synyster Arturo - Philemon Vanderbeck Solange - Angela Kirby Penelope Cartwright - Kris Keppeler Hank Norton - Powers Chamber 19 Nocturne Theme:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) All other music by Professor Kliq (Creative Commons License) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Photo:   (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com) "What kind of a place is it?  Why it's an art gallery - can't you just smell the culture?" _________________________________________________________ FOR ART'S SAKE Cast: Announcer Cabbie Olivia Roy Chambers, artist of junk Gwynneth Robinson, gallery owner Robert [ro-BEAR], art critic Vivienne, art critic Arturo, sculptor Solange, a supermodel Hank Norton, grieving brother Penelope Cartwright, psychic Gordie, aspiring young critic OLIVIA      Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's an art gallery.  Can't you just smell the culture? SCENE 1 MUSIC - PRETENTIOUS GRUNGE/INDUSTRIAL, BUT LOW. AMBIANCE     LOW CROWD MUMBLE ROBERT and VIVIENNE sound bored and disinterested - very, very jaded intellectual.  They are sort of fencing with each other. ROBERT     It's so innovative, it's almost retro. VIVIENNE     Jejune, yet piquant. ROBERT     The raw power of the chain link simply draws the eye. VIVIENNE     The underlying metaphor behind the cracked concrete base is very telling. ROBERT     Trash cans have been overused this season. VIVIENNE     Which is precisely what this piece is trying to say.  It is a commentary on the current state of the art world. ROY     That it's all garbage? ROBERT     [snort of derision] Garbage?  Perhaps to the petty and feeble mind, incapable of looking beyond the component parts-- VIVIENNE     --this one would look at a forest and see trees. [ROBERT AND VIVIENNE chuckle.] ROY     Oh, I understand this piece just fine. ROBERT     Do you?  Do you really?  VIVIENNE     What, then, is this putty-like brown graffitti in its indecipherable scrawl? ROBERT     And that smell - it's almost visceral. ROY     It's crap. ROBERT     You'd best keep your voice down, dear fellow.  The artist is a good friend of dear Gwynneth, our host tonight, and I hear he's actually graced us with his presence. ROY     No- no.  It's actually feces.  The graffitti.  I'm Roy Chambers.  The artist? VIVIENNE     F-feces?  Excrement? ROY     Yup. VIVIENNE     B-but...  doesn't it ... lose pungency after a time? ROY     Of course.  I freshen it up every couple of days.  I hope you don't mind if I don't shake hands. A BEAT OF SHOCKED SILENCE, THEN ROBERT     Well, that does put a new [trailing off] face ...on ...it.  VIVIENNE     Oh, look, they've opened the champagne. SOUND     HURRIED FOOTSTEPS AWAY ROY     [chuckles] GWYNNETH     [sigh] Darling, you'll never sell anything if you keep telling people your work is shit. ROY     [laughs harder]  You know that's not the point.  I just love seeing the look in their eyes.  GWYNNETH     Well, you may have the luxury of not needing to make your way as an artist, but I still need-- ROY     I can always-- GWYNNETH     [indignant]  Write me a check?  Not on your life, handsome.  If I can't make it, I'll fail on my own two feet.  [softening]  But you can buy me dinner.  Again. ROY     [chuckling] I wasn't going to suggest charity - but since I seem to be the one losing you sales on my pieces, you could let me pay rent for the space-- GWYNNETH     I don't understand why you're so down on your art.  [serious] It's good Roy.  It's powerful.  I wouldn't have it in my gallery otherwise... [rowr] no matter how terrific you are in bed. ROY     It makes me uncomfortable, like I'm ... exposing myself. GWYNNETH     That's what makes it so strong-- SCENE 2 SOUND     A COMMOTION IN THE BACKGROUND - SOMEONE YELLING - GETS LOUDER AS GWYNNETH AND ROY APPROACH GWYNNETH     [muttering as she hustles] Oh, goodness, it's not the man enclosed in legos with his winkie hanging out again, is it? ROY     [right behind her] Maybe a critic's seeing eye dog got at the sculpture in baloney. GWYNNETH     Poor dog - that meat's been here a week. ROY     Either one. SOUND     COMMOTION HAS ENDED - JUST HEAVY BREATHING FROM A COUPLE OF GUYS GWYNNETH     [authoritative] What is going on? ARTURO     This ...person... was ...molesting... my statue. ROY     [muttered] Is it the baloney?  GWYNNETH     [muttered] No. ROY     [muttered] The winkie? GWYNNETH     [muttered] Shh.  ARTURO     I demand charges be filed. HANK     I was only-- ARTURO     No one cares what you were trying to do, you philistine! GWYNNETH     Arturo.  ARTURO     Luddite!  Peon! GWYNNETH     Arturo!  Please, calm down.  I promise I shall handle this personally.  ARTURO     [going off] Just make sure he keeps his filthy hands off my beautiful marbles. ROY     [muttered] Maybe his marbles should meet lego man's winkie. GWYNNETH     [trying not to laugh] Ahem.  Now, sir, I'm Miss Robinson - and this is my gallery.  And you are? HANK     [subdued, apologetic, aw shucks] Hank - Henry, that is - Norton. GWYNNETH     What were you doing, then? HANK     The statue - it looks like Lizzie - Elizabeth - my sister.  Just like her.  ROY     That not what she asked. HANK     Well, I was thinking it might be like that old movie where the guy kills people, puts them in plaster and gets famous for his art...  Lizzie's missing, ever since she wrote and said she had a job modeling for this guy.  So I wanted to... check and see... GWYNNETH     [gentle] I don't know the movie, Hank, but I'm pretty sure you can't put someone in marble the way you might with plaster.  It simply doesn't work that way. HANK     No? GWYNNETH     No. ROY     Hank, let's get us a glass of that champagne. GWYNNETH     [stage whisper] Thank you! SOUND     QUICK KISS SCENE 3 MUSIC      A LITTLE TIME PASSES SOUND     EXCITED COMMOTION, CAMERAS GWYNNETH     Oh, god, what is it this time? ROBERT     [in awe] It's Solange.  She's here! VIVIENNE     [going off] If I were only into women... ROBERT     [going off] Me too... GWYNNETH     [sigh, then clearly trying to convince herself] It's good.  Publicity.  I like supermodels. ROY     [coming on] Who--? GWYNNETH     Solange is the latest sensation.  So bloody skinny. ROY     Better keep her away from the baloney. GWYNNETH     [slightly venomous] It would do her good. ROY     I didn't mean her - just the dog. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS AND JINGLE OF DOG HARNESS APPROACH GWYNNETH     Solange, I am honored. SOLANGE     [strange accent] Ah?  Sorree, and you are? GWYNNETH     I'm Gwynneth Robinson.  This is my gallery.  We are truly-- SOLANGE     Where ees Arturo? GWYNNETH     Right over there.  SOLANGE     Take mee to heem, pleez.  SOUND     JINGLE OF DOG'S HARNESS, SCRABBLE OF CLAWS ON FLOOR. GWYNNETH     My pleasure.  My arm is just to your right.  Would you like something to drink?  [fading out]  Perhaps some water for your service animal? ROY     Is that the latest thing - blind models? VIVIENNE     'Differently abled' darling.  You could get sued -- ROBERT     Or at least censured. VIVIENNE     --for use of non-PC language. ROBERT     Besides, with a body like that, who cares if she can see?  And the dark glasses are her trademark - she's never seen without them. ROY     Hmm.  You two seem like just the type I need. VIVIENNE     I don't do threesomes. ROBERT     I do. ROY     No, no - not like that, but [buttering up] you really seem to be in the know... VIVIENNE     Of course. ROBERT     Pity. ROY     This Arturo guy - what can you tell me about him? VIVIENNE     Quid pro quo, dear friend - tell us about you first. ROY     Well...  It's brownie mix - the brown stuff. ROBERT     Re-e-e-eally...?  SCENE 4 MUSIC SOUND      CLUNK OF OVERHEAD LIGHTS GOING OFF GWYNNETH      [coming on, low and sultry]  So.  The lights are off.  The crowd is gone.  And the door is locked against the night.  You know what that means? ROY     Hmm? GWYNNETH      Come on, love.  I need some serious stress relief. ROY     In a moment. GWYNNETH      What is so fascinating about these things?  First that poor little man - now you? ROY     Have you really looked at them? GWYNNETH      Dearest, I don't really look at anything that goes in here, beyond deciding if I think it will sell.  That way lies sheer madness. ROY     How did legoman get in? GWYNNETH      Oh, that. [sigh] I'm still not certain about that one.  ROY     Anyway, these statues - I don't know anything about marble sculpting, but I would assume it's not the easiest thing in the world, even with modern technology. GWYNNETH      I suppose. ROY     Look at the detail here.  The clothes, hair  - rivets in the jeans, even.  Everything is exact.  Perfect. GWYNNETH      So he's anal.  Surely you're not thinking that Arturo whats-his-name has somehow immured people in marble. ROY     Nah.  But I can see Hank's point.  His sister's statue looks - almost alive.  And she's not happy about it. MUSIC SCENE 5 AMBIANCE      RESTAURANT GWYNNETH      Where were you?  I really could have used you at the gallery tonight. ROY     Why?  What happened? GWYNNETH      I asked you first. ROY     [sigh]  I-I was trying to find that artist - the one with the statues. GWYNNETH      And--? ROY     He's harder to track down than ... than me. GWYNNETH      [laughs] Perhaps he's another eccentric with more money than sense. ROY     Hey--!  I thought that was part of my charm. GWYNNETH      No.  I love you.  But I don't make any claim to understand you.  You don't even like your own art. ROY     [slightly uncomfortable] It just comes out that way.  SOUND     A MOMENT OF EATING GWYNNETH      [unpleasantly surprised]  Oh god! Don't look.  It's her.  Just act normal. ROY     What?  Who am I not looking at? GWYNNETH      The commotion.  I mean the woman who caused the- PENELOPE     [off]  Hello! ROY     I think she's seen you. GWYNNETH      Oh, god. ROY     Is there anything I should know before she gets here? GWYNNETH      I'm going to be a coward and duck out for the loo. ROY     About her, I mean.  [beat]  You've got a moment, the maitre d' has her in a headlock. GWYNNETH      [laugh] She claims to be a psychic and made a fuss over Arturo's marbles.  God, I'm seriously regretting ever taking them on. ROY     Why did you?  I mean, looking at his stuff, he could be showcased in the biggest gallery in town, and- [trails off uncertainly] GWYNNETH      Rather than a piddling little upstart like mine?  Oh, hell-  See you! SOUND     GETS UP FROM CHAIR, DASHES AWAY ROY     Chicken. PENELOPE     [slightly off] Miss Robinson! SOUND     CHAIR SCRAPES ROY     She'll be right back.  PENELOPE     [coming on] Oh.  I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to interrupt - are you - you're her beau, aren't you? ROY     I'm her boyfriend, yeah. SOUND     CHAIR SCRAPES, SHE SITS DOWN PENELOPE     I could tell the moment I really looked at you. ROY     [giving her nothing] Ah.  Well.  PENELOPE     Oh, I'm so sorry.  She probably mentioned me, I'm Penelope Cartwright. [confidential]  I'm a certified psychic. ROY     Oh.  Well. PENELOPE     Oh-ho!  I can tell you're a disbeliever, Mr. -? ROY     Don't you know?  You're the psychic. PENELOPE     [laughs]  It's not like that, handsome.  Well, sometimes it is.  Let me see, let me see.  Hmm.  I'm feeling the letter T.  Can I see your hands? ROY     [over-eager] T?  As in Thomas? PENELOPE     [pleased] Aha!  Your palm?  There.  You work with your hands, are you in construction? ROY     [noncommital] Mm. PENELOPE     But there's something else - your money line is a bit baffling.   Very strong - not what I usually see in someone doing manual work.  And something about cats... [Surprised as he snatches his hand away] What?? ROY     Look, Miss Cartwright. You've been right about one thing - and only one thing - I'm a skeptic.   PENELOPE     But, I-- ROY     But, nothing.  I think you'd better go before I feel like embarrassing you in front of Miss Robinson. PENELOPE     Please-- ROY     Go. PENELOPE     [beat]  Very well.  [intense]  But you need to hear this--  [before he can speak]  No!  I have to say it, and if you won't let me wait to tell her, then you have to hear it. ROY     Fine.  Whatever.  Quickly. PENELOPE     The statues - there's something very wrong with them - worse even than that painful installation near the front door with the brown stuff-  I just walked past, and they shouted to me - screamed for help - as if they were alive! ROY     Right. PENELOPE     You don't have to believe, but you must hear me.  I felt such evil in the presence of those poor dear things. ROY     [very sarcastic]  They're... evil statues? PENELOPE     Oh, no.  They're evil's victims. SCENE 6 MUSIC AMBIANCE     STREET GWYNNETH      I can't believe she would do that!  You're such a saint to put up with everything. ROY     Saint?  No.  Just amused by people.  Probably why I like the gallery scene - art folk are hilarious. GWYNNETH      Like Vivienne and Robert? ROY     Who? GWYNNETH      You were talking to them at the gallery last week - after that young man made the fuss over the statues. ROY     Oh.  Bert and Ernie. GWYNNETH      Vivienne IS a female.  I've known her for years. ROY     The way they dress, who could tell?  And who would care? GWYNNETH      Dare I ask what 'the statue whisperer' had to say? ROY     She said they were crying out for help, blah blah blah.  GWYNNETH      Oh, good, now we have two loonies who believe the statues are somehow alive. ROY     Oh, and she apparently hates my work too. GWYNNETH      [joking] Well.  Then she must be normal. MUSIC SCENE 7 SOUND     HEAVY DOOR OPENING ROY     [echoey] Hello? SOUND     ECHOEY FOOTSTEPS, SECOND HEAVY DOOR OPENING ROY     Hello?  I know you're in here. ARTURO     [distant sigh, then, off]  Come on, then - to the left. SOUND     HESITANT ECHOEY FOOTSTEPS, ANOTHER HEAVY DOOR ROY     Isn't it a bit dark in here for a studio? ARTURO     [still distant] You want light?  SOUND     LOUD RUSTLE OF CANVAS, as a heavy curtain swoops to the side. ROY     [reacts to sudden brightness] Jeez!  Good thing I'm not a vampire. ARTURO     [close] You come to steal my secrets? ROY     [jumps, then laughs]  Not my style.  I sculpt from garbage. ARTURO     [disdainful] Yes.  I have noticed.  So why? ROY     You interest me. ARTURO     I thought you were sleeping with our blonde gallery owner. ROY     Um, and you're seeing the supermodel. So? ARTURO     Not that kind of interest?  ROY     [reacts, then] Not very sociable, eh? ARTURO     Hmm.  Perhaps that is why my place here is unlisted and no one visits me.  You have explained a lot.  Feel free to leave. ROY     [beat]  I don't see any materials - working on anything? ARTURO     I am planning.  I don't sculpt here.  It is much too noisy. ROY     The sculpting? ARTURO     The city.  [beat]  And the work.  ROY     Your work is very detailed.  Do you model from life or photos? ARTURO     [a bit odd] From life.  ROY     How do you find your models? ARTURO     Anyone can be a model. [a bit threatening] Perhaps I should ... immortalize ... you? ROY     I'm not that cute. ARTURO     [uncomfortably close]  You don't see yourself clearly.  You're a perfect type - strong, but not silent.  Yet-- SOUND     CELLPHONE RINGS ROY     That's me.  Sorry.  SOUND     CELLPHONE ON ROY     'lo?  Yeah, I'm there now.  No, won't be long.  SOUND     CELLPHONE HANGS UP, TURNS OFF ROY     Sorry about that. ARTURO     [backed off]  Of course.  You are interested in my work - My next major project is a woman.  That is all you will know.  Now leave me. SCENE 8 MUSIC SOUND     DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS APPROACH, COMPUTER NOISES ROY     I've been doing some googling-- GWYNNETH      [slightly off] You don't even look up.  I could be anyone.  A serial killer? ROY     Reflection in the screen.  GWYNNETH      [close up] Oh, well, then.  [hug and kiss noise] So what have you been googling? ROY     Turning people to stone. GWYNNETH      [sigh] Oh god, not Arturo again? ROY     He creeped me out.  I'm not sure if he was about to kiss me or stab me.  And when he said his next project was a woman - all I could think about was that poor blind girl. GWYNNETH     Yes. [mock sympathy] Poor little skinny bitch blind supermodel. ROY     Right.  So, disregarding the E-L-O song, there are myths all over the place about people being turned to stone.  Gorgons, Basilisks-- GWYNNETH      Medusa-- ROY     --yeah, gorgons-- GWYNNETH      What? ROY     Medusa's a gorgon. Like Dracula's a vampire. GWYNNETH     Fine, so I slept through my classical education.  What have you come up with, then? ROY     Disregarding the mythological crap, then, there are a number of fictional stories dealing with it. GWYNNETH     Why disregard the mythical crap?  ROY     Right.  Have you seen any women wandering around New York with snakes for hair?  Or a giant lizard?  GWYNNETH     Hmm.  [shrug] It is New York.  So you lean towards fiction as being more reliable? ROY     When you put it that way... GWYNNETH     What's the front runner, then? ROY     [very serious] Some sort of alchemical process or machine  that changes flesh to stone.  [laughs]  But it's still nuts.  SOUND     LAST COUPLE OF KEYS BEING HIT GWYNNETH     If you're so creeped out by him, perhaps I should send him on his way. ROY     Nah.  GWYNNETH     Good.  He sells.  [teasing] Unlike some... ROY     Most of your art crowd creeps me out.   A little. GWYNNETH     And me--? ROY     Definitely.  [chuckle] Not. SOUND     SMOOCHING SCENE 9 MUSIC GWYNNETH     [talking on phone]  --shipped out first thing.  Crating and handling will be fairly expensive-- [some talk] --very heavy, yes.  SOUND     TAP ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS QUIETLY GWYNNETH     [covers phone, whispers] just a second.  [back to phone]  I'll email you the invoice, and that should go out this afternoon. SOUND     PHONE HANGS UP GWYNNETH     Can I help you? VIVIENNE     I hate to bother you, but-- [deep breath] GWYNNETH     Nonsense.  Have a seat. SOUND     CHAIR SHIFTS VIVIENNE     Could you perhaps see your way to telling me how to find that sculptor?  The one who does the truly amazing marble statues? GWYNNETH     [muttered] Not another one. VIVIENNE     Huh?  You see, Robert--  that fellow asked him to model, and being the narcissist that he is, he was entirely unable to refuse-- GWYNNETH     Oh.  Um, I might be able to-- VIVIENNE     I don't want to make any trouble, but his partner, you know, blames me-- SCENE A1 MUSIC AMBIANCE     NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY ROY     Hello? PENELOPE     [off, musical] Just a moment! SOUND     RATTLE OF BEAD CURTAIN, FOOTSTEPS PENELOPE     [over the top] Welcome to-- [tone change] oh, it's you.  Come to sneer? ROY     [soft laugh]  No.  I wanted to ask you a few questions. PENELOPE     You saw my sign - it's all entertainment. ROY     It also said this-- SOUND     SLAP OF MONEY ON TABLE ROY     --buys me an hour of your time. PENELOPE     [sigh] It's your dime.   SOUND     MONEY SNATCHED UP PENELOPE     One of many, if I recall your money line. ROY     I want to know what put you onto the statues.  Did a guy named Hank Norton hire you? PENELOPE     Hire?  You think I've been paid-- ROY     Were you? PENELOPE     [sigh]  Yeah, I really love making an ass of myself in public.  Tscha.  If I was that much of a masochist, I'd'a taken up mime.  You may not believe it, but I truly felt something in there.  ROY     Screaming? PENELOPE     It's not that specific.  I have to exaggerate - to translate - when I tell people about my "feelings."  They only want to believe things they can relate to.  I felt ... unease.  Fear.  [sigh]  A definite flavor of more than one mind.    ROY     You were in a crowded gallery. PENELOPE     More than one mind in distress.  Since then- [breaks off] ROY     Yes? PENELOPE     Can you do me a huge favor? ROY     Maybe. PENELOPE     Can you try to hold your laughter until you're back out on the street? ROY     I think so. PENELOPE     I've been having dreams. ROY     [snort] PENELOPE     [warning noise]  I couldn't move.  And I couldn't feel anything - but I could see. I could even hear.  And be afraid.  It was - fear was the biggest part of it.  [beat]  You seem to be with me so far-- ROY     Yes. PENELOPE     Well, here's where I'll lose you.  I don't usually feel things in words, but in flavors, and colors, and textures.  ROY     Like auras? PENELOPE     No.  It's - like with you, I taste brick and brown, and smell the tang of old wires. ROY     [uneasy] Whatever.  Get on with it. PENELOPE     The feeling in my dream - the flavor of it, if you will - was identical to what I felt at the gallery.  SCENE a2 MUSIC ROY     [off, calling]  Gwyn? VIVIENNE     [muffled] Eh? ROY     [coming on] Gwyn?  [muttered] Oh, it's Bert.  Or Ernie. VIVIENNE     Hmm?  She's out.  Asked me to run some numbers for her.  You didn't realize I have skills beyond those of mere mortal critics? ROY     [snarky] You'd have to. VIVIENNE     Look.  Maybe you can help me - Gwyn seems to put a lot of faith in you, despite your obvious attitude problems. ROY     [snort] VIVIENNE     Robert - you recall Robert?  Well, he's gone missing, ever since agreeing to model for Arturo, and I don't know what to-- ROY     He probably just went off with someone. VIVIENNE     He wouldn't-- ROY     And you're such a judge? VIVIENNE     I know Robert-- ROY     I thought he was into guys. VIVIENNE     [really mad]  That does not make him a slut who would run off without a word. ROY     [backing down a bit]  Ok, fine.  You know your friend.  But everyone has a dark side. VIVIENNE     True.  [quick, stabbing] Why do you hate yourself? ROY     What?  What are you, a shrink? VIVIENNE     There's a lot of psychology in art.  Your work says a great deal about you.  Self loathing fairly screams from every line. ROY     [still trying to brush her off, but with an edge] Maybe why it doesn't sell. VIVIENNE     I didn't say it wasn't brilliant - it is.  It's much too powerful for most people. They see what you show them, but don't know how to handle it. ROY     You should meet that psychic.  You'll get on like a house on fire. VIVIENNE     Marines? ROY     [sharp] What? VIVIENNE     Special forces?  You either saw action or spent a lot of time in prison.  You don't have the stance of an abused child. ROY     Look lady-- VIVIENNE     Or the tats of a career criminal-- ROY     Shut up! VIVIENNE     Those are the main ways to reach such a depth of hatred for yourself-- SOUND     A COUPLE OF QUICK FOOTSTEPS ROY     [close]  Is there a point to this? VIVIENNE     [not backing down]  I needed to show you I understand people.  You.  Gwynneth.  And Robert.  And he wouldn't go off and leave Gregoire without a word like that. ROY     Ok, I believe you.  Get the fuck out. VIVIENNE     First, tell me how to find Arturo.  If you don't care what happened to Robert, I do. ROY     What makes you think I know how to find him? [beat]  All right.  SOUND     SCRIBBLING, PAPER TEARS ROY     Here. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS RECEDE, THEN STOP VIVIENNE     [slightly off] She doesn't care, you know. ROY     [tries not to respond, then] What? VIVIENNE     Gwynneth.  She knows you, and for some reason she still loves you.  SCENE a3 MUSIC GWYNNETH     She really said--? ROY     [uncertain] She was full of it. GWYNNETH     Well, if that looney's psych-ee sense is right, and they are cursed, at least they're not my problem - all six of them have sold for huge amounts, and I've a list of commission requests as long as my arm to pass on to Arturo as soon as he gets back in contact. ROY     Have you checked out his so-called studio? GWYNNETH     He never told me where it is. ROY     I was there.  GWYNNETH     You beast! ROY     I guess I forgot to mention it.  Money does have some privileges.  SCENE a4 MUSIC SOUND     STEALTHY FEET. EVERYTHING ECHOES SLIGHTLY GWYNNETH     [whispered] This is madness. ROY     You're the one who spotted Vivienne's car.  GWYNNETH     Doesn't mean we needed to break in. ROY     It was unlocked.  No breaking.  SOUND     RUNNING FEET APPROACH, SLIGHTLY MUFFLED ROY      Stay back, someone's-- SOUND     FEET ARE CLEAR VIVIENNE     [panting, then gasps in muffled terror] SOUND      FEET COME TO AN ABRUPT STOP GWYNNETH     Viv? VIVIENNE     [gasping, trying to calm down]  We need to get out of here - call the police!  GWYNNETH     What?  Why? VIVIENNE     It's Robert!  A statue!  There's no way he could have carved so fast-- SOLANGE     [far off scream] VIVIENNE     [gasp] He's doing something terrible to her, too--! ROY     You get out of here - I'll see what I can do-- GWYNNETH     Yes, get going. SCENE a5 SOUND     FOOTSTEPS, DOOR ROY     [to Gwyn] You too. GWYNNETH     Nonsense.  You stop him, I'll help her-- SOUND     THEIR SNEAKING FOOTSTEPS ARTURO     [off, calling] You think you can get away?  Darling?  If you hide, it just makes me angry. GWYNNETH     We can at least see what's coming at us.  ROY     That's not always a good thing. SOUND     DISTANT DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN ARTURO     [off]  Here?  No? GWYNNETH     I plan to stare death in the face and spit in its-- SOLANGE     [off, whimper]  GWYNNETH     Shh!  Did you hear that? ROY     [moving off] Over here— SOUND     CUPBOARD DOOR OPENS SOLANGE     [gasp]  Who ees thees? GWYNNETH     It's all right.  We'll get you out.  Feel my hand? ROY     He's getting closer. GWYNNETH     I've got her.  Up you come. ROY     We need to move.  SOLANGE     Are wee neer zee door say ehkseet? GWYNNETH     Exit?  [looking around]  Oh, yes – there.   Come on. SOUND     CAREFUL FOOTSTEPS, DOOR QUIETLY OPENS, THEN  STARTS TO CLOSE BEHIND THEM GWYNNETH     Roy? ROY     Get her out of here.  I'm going to stop Arturo. GWYNNETH     Roy! SOUND     GRAB, RUSTLE, KISS ROY     Get clear. SOUND     DOOR SHUTS SCENE a6 SOUND      QUIET CAREFUL FOOTSTEPS ARTURO     [off, calling]  Come out, come out? SOUND     DOOR SLAMS OPEN, OFF SOUND     ROY'S FOOTSTEPS STOP ARTURO     [Getting closer]  There is no place to run to— SOUND     A's FOOTSTEPS APPROACH ARTURO     Don't make this any more difficult-- SOUND     SCUFFLE.  GRUNTS.  BODY FALLS ROY     [whispering, close, puffing a little]  Not difficult at all.  [chuckle] SOUND     HANDCUFFS RATCHET, SLAP SHUT ARTURO     [puffing, hard to breathe] And Solange? ROY     Out of your reach.  ARTURO     [wheezy evil chuckle]  In reach of your young lady, though. [laughs again] ROY     What?  ARTURO     Don't worry - you still can get away. ROY     [dawns on him] Shit!  SOUND     BODY DRAGS, DOOR OPENS ROY     [Grunt as he shoves Arturo into a closet] SCENE a7 SOUND     DOOR SLAMS, LOCKS, HURRIED FOOTSTEPS ROY     [edge of panic] Gwyn?  You here? GWYNNETH     [muffled gasp of pain, distant] SOUND      RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ROY     Where are you? SOLANGE     [off, too sweetly] Over heere.  SOUND     BANKS OF LIGHTS COME ON, ONE AT A TIME SOUND     FOOTSTEPS SLOW, CAUTIOUS ROY     You can't hide in the light— SOLANGE     [closer] I 'ave no weesh to.  I hwant you to see— GWYNNETH     [off] Roy!  Get out!  Get the police!  Don't— [breaks off with a long gasp] SOLANGE     [off] Are hyou zee hero?  Cohm and geet her.  Hyou might steel sehv her. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS STOP ROY      [very sotto]  Shit.  [up] I've got Arturo – let's make a trade. SOLANGE     Heez a tool.  I can find anozzer. ROY     What?  You--? SOLANGE     [disparaging] Zee great arteest.  A mere saylzman.  He is un‑eemportant.  Come out and aye weel no hert her more. GWYNNETH     [gasp]  Get out, Roy— [ends in a hiccup of pain] ROY     Gwyn, whatever you do, keep your eyes shut – can you do that? GWYNNETH     [fights to make an affirmative sound] SOLANGE     So you Zink you noh somezeeng?  Come clozer, man.  [kissing noise, like summoning a dog] I could reemov her eyeleedz, you know.  It is chust zo – barbareec. GWYNNETH     [High squeal] ROY     Why?  I mean, why do it?  What are you? SOLANGE     Stop moveeng!  Hwonce, we wayr feered and worshipp-ed.  GWYNNETH     [gaspy] So now you're a supermodel - what's the diff-- [gasp] SOLANGE     Hyou ask why I turn peepul to stone?  ROY     [muttered] Just a bit closer.  [up] Yeah, what's the deal? SOLANGE     Chust for the look on zayr face! [laughs merrily, then gasps] Ow! SOUND     SCUFFLE, THEN QUICK FEET SOLANGE     You Beech!  You BEET mee! GWYNNETH     Come on! SOUND      RUNNING FEET SOLANGE     [going off] You cannot geet away! SCENE a8 SOUND     FOOTSTEPS RUNNING MADLY, SLAM THROUGH SEVERAL SETS OF DOORS, FOOTSTEPS STOP BOTH     [breathing hard, Gwynneth gasping a bit in pain] ROY     Sorry.  GWYNNETH     Let's get out, then you can apologize all over me. ROY     [chuckle] SOUND     HIT BAR ON NEXT DOOR. IT WON'T MOVE. ROY     Shit! SOUND     POUNDING ON DOOR, TRYING TO MAKE IT OPEN SOUND     BEHIND THEM, A DISTANT SET OF DOORS SLAMS OPEN ROY     Shit!! GWYNNETH     What is it?  ROY     She's a gorgon – medusa.  That's why she always wears the shades-  Whatever you do, don't look in her eyes. SOUND     ANOTHER DISTANT SET OF DOORS SOUND     PUSHING ON THE NEAR DOOR. NO LUCK ROY     [almost giving up] shit. GWYNNETH     [strangely calm] We're trapped? ROY     She did it.  Just like this.  Hunted them down and caught them - no wonder they all look so damn scared. GWYNNETH     Well... [gasp] hold me?  At least that way, we end up a statue together. ROY     [chuckle dissolves into gasping sob] SOUND     LAST DOOR BUT ONE SLAMS OPEN.  FOOTSTEPS CAN BE HEARD COMING CLOSER ROY     [deep breath] Do you trust me? GWYNNETH      Of course.  I love you. ROY     I – I love you, too. GWYNNETH     I know.  I – SOUND     LAST DOOR SLAMS OPEN.  SLOW OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS, SLITHERY NOISES ACCOMPANY HER ARRIVAL GWYNNETH     [Scream of agony] SCENE a9 MUSIC AMBIANCE     GALLERY.  BUZZ.  MUSIC. GORDIE     Is that the owner?  Seems funny to run a gallery, being blind and all. VIVIENNE     [sounding older, wiser]  She trusts my judgment.  GORDIE     Was she born blind? VIVIENNE     Oh, no – there's a tragic story there. GORDIE     Do tell! VIVIENNE     Some years back, our dear hostess was madly in love – you've seen the statue in the corner near her office? GORDIE     That fabulous marble of the hunk?  Sylvester said it was the last piece Arturo ever sculpted. VIVIENNE     The – model – for that was the man she loved. GORDIE     [a little bitchy] Oh, how sweet, and she keeps it to remind her of him? VIVIENNE     He was the one who put her eyes out. END  

19 Nocturne Boulevard
Exit Strategy by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 9, 2023 28:24


Gamers on their way to a convention run afoul of violent criminals on the run.  Can they use their "skillz" to survive? [warning - some violence, language, and mature situations] Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Abby - Beverly Poole Mark - Brian Lomatewama Justin - Mathias Rebne Morgan Brianna - Lyndsey Thomas Tyler - Michael Faigenblum Clark - Brandon O'Brien News Report - Gwendolyn Gieseke-Woodard Man - Bill Hollweg Music of DARKEST OF THE HILLSIDE THICKETS!  used with permission Show theme and Incidental Music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a van on a road in the middle of nowhere, can't you tell?" _______________________________________ EXIT STRATEGY Cast: Mark - Game Master, in a wheelchair Abby - strategy girl Justin - the driver, Mark's brother Brianna - nurse, dating Tyler Tyler - wiry LARPer, dating Brianna Clark - a criminal Thug - another criminal SOUND     FOOTSTEPS OLIVIA      Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a car on a stretch of road in the middle of nowhere, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND      INSIDE CAR NOISES SOUND     Music plays on the radio SOUND     "BING" FROM THE DASHBOARD SOUND     Justin turns down the stereo JUSTIN     We're riding E.  [up] Eyes peeled for a gas station, everybody! MARK     Hey, Justin, remember when it used to be sooo cool to cross the state line? JUSTIN     Yeah - some things just lose their charm as you get older, little bro. MARK     And can drink legally in your own state... ABBY     Don't drink and game.  It dulls your edge. JUSTIN     You've got enough edge for all of us, Abby.  BRIANNA     [slightly off, giggles] I would too. TYLER     [slightly off] That is so great.  You are so great. ABBY     You do realize we can hear you? JUSTIN     Keep it clean back there.  I'll lose my damage deposit on the van if it comes back stained. BRIANNA     Ew!  We were just-- TYLER     [defiant] I was just telling Bree that if she ever got possessed by a demon, I would totally kill her. BRIANNA     [squeaky] Isn't that sweet? ABBY     [baffled] Yeah.  [whispered] What do you think brought on this declaration of undying love? JUSTIN     Tyler brought his DVD player.  I think they're watching Evil Dead. ABBY     Oh. [that explains it] MARK     You guys are all going to help with the "Super Five" tournament, right?  I can count on you? ABBY     Well-- MARK     Well? ABBY     [hesitant] I was checking, and the final round of the "AfterBlast" championship is in the same time slot. MARK     [excited] You really think you have a chance? ABBY     Hell yeah.  I plan to kick ass and take names.  MARK     That rocks.  JUSTIN     I-- I noticed you were the only - um - ABBY     Discernibly female? JUSTIN     Yeah, that - name on the semi-finals roster.  ABBY     Yup.  Time to represent. MUSIC JUSTIN     Pit stop! MARK     Man, you are this close to losing your deposit. JUSTIN     Shit.  Your chair's packed! BRIANNA     I got you, Mark.  SOUND     DOOR SLIDES OPEN, SHIFTING SOUNDS AS SHE GETS OUT SOUND     FRONT DOOR OPENS BRIANNA     Come on, then. TYLER     [teasing, going off] No groping my girl, now. MARK     Hey!  My hand slipped.  Once. BRIANNA     Girl. [snort]  I am a woman. [grunts as she gets Mark on her back]  OK, hold on.  Tyler, got the door? TYLER     [off] Getting it! SOUND     QUICK FOOTSTEPS ON CONCRETE SOUND     DOOR OPENS. MEN'S ROOM SOUND     FLUSH, STALL DOOR OPENS MAN     Hey!  You can't be in here! BRIANNA     Puh-lease.  I'm a nurse.  Almost.  [sarcastic] And you should get that looked at. MUSIC AMBIANCE     NIGHTTIME ROAD, VERY QUIET MUSIC VERY QUIET ON THE STEREO JUSTIN     [quiet] Hey Abby? ABBY     [quiet, tired] Hmm? JUSTIN     Just wanted to see if you're awake. ABBY     Really?  Nice of you to check. JUSTIN     Well... I'm not sure how much farther it is to the motel, and I was starting to fade a bit.  Help keep me on the road? ABBY     [half yawning] Sure.  What's on your mind? JUSTIN     Any chance you and I - you know - sometime? ABBY     [half a laugh]  I've sworn a blood oath not to date any man who can't beat me in a fair game of AfterBlast. JUSTIN     Really? ABBY     Something like that.  No offense, OK?  You're nice.  But we're kind of different worlds. JUSTIN     I used to game--  ABBY     Used to.  You traded in your dice for the corporate world. JUSTIN     It's not that bad-- [sudden change]  Whoah. ABBY     What? JUSTIN     Nothing.  Just - there's headlights behind us.  They weren't there a minute ago. ABBY     Must have come round a corner.  SOUND     CREAK, TURN ABBY     [turned to look] Hmm.  How fast are we going? JUSTIN     Why? ABBY     They're catching up.  Should I wake everybody? JUSTIN     Well...  if there's a crash, they're better off asleep.  Relaxed.  It's a fact - why drunks walk away more often-- ABBY     It's still coming.  Can we get off the road?  JUSTIN     There just isn't any place to go!  The ditches are ... gaping black chasms! ABBY     What's our speed? JUSTIN     Seventy.  So far. SOUND     GROWLING ROAR, GETTING CLOSER ABBY     How much can you push a minivan? JUSTIN     Don't know.  It's a rental. ABBY     All right. [thinking]  Turn off the headlights. JUSTIN     What?  ABBY      There's a good moon - the road is straight as far as I can see right now - can you hold the wheel straight while you're blinded? SOUND     ROARING REVVING APPROACHES JUSTIN      I... guess-- yes. SOUND     HEADLIGHTS TURN OFF JUSTIN     [heavy breathing] ABBY     Once our eyes adjust, we can look for a turnoff - in the dark, with the headlights, we won't see it until it's too late.  JUSTIN     Does that work? ABBY     I don't know.  Yes!  There, to the left, a road. JUSTIN     We're going too fast! ABBY     Start the turn early, and run in at an angle.  It should work.  MARK     [half asleep] Yeah, the roll factors are considerably less-- JUSTIN     Roll factors? MARK     "Street Wars," core manual.  The turn gauge modifiers. JUSTIN     Whatever, here we go! SOUND     SCREECH MUSIC AMBIANCE     OUTSIDE SOUND     TICKING OF THE ENGINE MARK     I'm suitably impressed. JUSTIN     Thanks.  Me too. ABBY     It worked! JUSTIN     A flat tire-- ABBY     Just one. MARK     --is not bad, all things considered. ABBY     [encouraging] Besides you missed the ditch, and the car didn't even flip. MUSIC SOUND     ON THE ROAD AGAIN TYLER     Doesn't this whole thing remind anyone of a movie? JUSTIN     Movie?  What, Texas Chainsaw Massacre? ABBY     Wo!  We do have the right carload for leatherface. MARK     Hey, Justin, don't pick up any strangers, kay?  I don't wanna be the first to die. TYLER     No....  OK, think.  A brother and sister in a car, in the middle of nowhere-- BRIANNA     [helping] In the middle of the day-- TYLER     Run off the road by a huge spooky truck--?  Hmm? MARK     That wasn't a truck.  ABBY     It wasn't? MARK     While you guys were watching the road, I watched it go by - It was big and square-- TYLER     A truck. MARK     No.  Better than that - I saw words on the side. BRIANNA     A truck? MARK     [sigh] Nope.  I must have made a perfect success on my perception roll, though - it was an armored car.  JUSTIN     In the middle of the night?  In the middle of nowhere? ABBY     Radio.  There must be something. SOUND     RADIO ON, SURF CHANNELS, STOP ON AN AD MARK     I like N-P-R. ABBY     News channel, bub. [Moment just listening.] JUSTIN     OK, enough with the ads - give us some news. TYLER     If this was a movie, the minute we switched over, the news bulletin would come on right then.  Cheesy, eh? BRIANNA     It's just a genre convention - a way of condensing all this boring time spent listening to-- JUSTIN     Shh. SOUND     TURNS VOLUME UP NEWS     ...the third armored car hijacking this year, and the second one with fatalities.  Three security guards were injured in the attack-- JUSTIN     Wow.  We should call someone. ABBY     Already on it.  SOUND     CELL PHONE BEEPS ABBY     Damn.  No reception. NEWS     --two are in critical condition.  Pursuers lost the car in a high speed chase when the hijackers realized they were being tracked and dumped the onboard GPS at the side of the road.  JUSTIN     Well, the motel must be close.  They'll have a phone. NEWS     Police believe that one of the hijackers may have been injured in the attack... SOUND      CLICK RADIO OFF - no music here MARK      I thought we were supposed to reach it by ten? JUSTIN     Well, with all you small bladdered people, we had a lot more potty breaks than I allowed for.  And, o'course, getting run off the road...  Changing the tire... TYLER     There was that. BRIANNA     Think your Uncle Joey'll give us a discount for coming in so late - half the night, half price? TYLER     I'll ask him.  [yawns] In the morning, though. MUSIC SOUND     CAR, SNORING FROM ALL BUT JUSTIN SOUND     BUMP, THEN CAR PULLS TO A STOP JUSTIN     [trying to stay awake noise]  Holy crap, I think we're here. ABBY     [waking]  Mmm?  Oh good... JUSTIN     One moment and I'll go and check in... ABBY     No, I'll get it.  Gotta pee anyway.  Small bladder.  [yawns] All that. JUSTIN     [receding] I didn't mean.... SOUND     CAR DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS SOUND     FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, DOOR, BELL JINGLES ABBY     Hello?  Hello?  SOUND     RINGS DESK BELL SOUND     DOOR OPENS SOMEWHERE ABBY     [calling]  Look, I'm sorry to be coming in so late!  We had car trouble.  Can we get a room?  [beat]  Hello?  SOUND     FLUSH OF A TOILET ABBY     [needs to pee] Oh, jeez.  [deep shaky breath]  Hello? SOUND     DOOR OPENS CLARK     Hey.  Sorry about that.  I was catching a few.  You want a room? ABBY     Yeah, my friends and I - if you have a room with a couple of queens, we'll be fine. CLARK     Uh, sure.  Probably.  [looking around]  Nobody really here, tonight. ABBY     Could we have the one out on the end, then? CLARK     Don't see why not... um... ABBY     Says here it's room 14. CLARK     There you go.  [unconvincing laugh] So tired my eyes won't focus. SOUND     KEY SLAPPED ON TABLE ABBY     How much? CLARK     Oh, pay when you leave.  ABBY     Hmm.  Are you Joey? CLARK     Joey who? ABBY     [sharp intake of breath, then faking being ditzy]  Sorry - you look a lot like the cousin of a friend of mine.  CLARK     I get that a lot. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENS ABBY     Oh, can I use your bathroom?  It's kind of an emergency. CLARK     [too sharp] No!  I  mean, sorry - no can do.  Absolutely against policy.  Too bad you didn't get a room closer in, eh? ABBY     [flat, suspicious] Yeah. SOUND     DOOR SHUTS, JINGLE MUSIC SOUND     HOTEL ROOM DOOR SHUTS, FEET STUMBLE AROUND, BAGS DOWN, ETC. SOUND     BODY FLOPS ONTO BED JUSTIN     I am dead.  As driver, I call a bed.  SOUND     WHEELCHAIR ROLLS MARK     I'm with you.  SOUND     FLUSH BRIANNA     I suppose Abby and I should share the... other...? I thought she said the room would have two beds? SOUND      DOOR OPENS ABBY     That clerk didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.  Did you park right next to the door Justin? JUSTIN     [half moan] Yes.  Why? ABBY     I have a bad feeling about all this.  TYLER     Any chance it has something to do with all the spooky movie talk in the car? BRIANNA     And the guy who ran us off the road? ABBY     Maybe.  JUSTIN     Well, unless you're ready to drive - and pay for the extra insurance - We're not moving from this spot until I wake up. ABBY     But the clerk - there was something wrong there.  Really.  God, for a chance at a spot hidden roll. MARK     [more awake] Describe him. BRIANNA     [groans]  Come on - it's beddy-bye time! MARK     Abby's got good instincts, Bree.  You know how hard it is for me to fool her. ABBY     That's just in game.  I'm not-- JUSTIN     [half asleep, but trying]  But you are the only girl-- BRIANNA     [half-hearted] Woman. JUSTIN     --to make it into the ... strategic final thingee-- ABBY     Ok.  Shit I'm tired.  [long deep thinking breath]  He wouldn't let me use the bathroom.  He didn't try and hit on me.  Didn't know which number room was the one on the end.  Didn't ask how many "we" were.  Didn't know which rooms have queen beds.  Didn't ask for a credit card. TYLER     So? He's dead tired too.  Big whoop.  It's [looks] 2 freaking 55 in the morning. MARK     Jeez, folks, we've had sessions which went long past 3!  What's wrong with you? JUSTIN     [muttered into the pillow]  Getting old. MARK     Yeah.  You 25-year old over the hill codger, you.  Abby, what would you do now?  ABBY     What? MARK     This is the scenario.  Right here.  What would you do? TYLER     Sleep. BRIANNA     Seconded. JUSTIN     [Snoring] MARK     Assume it's unlikely we can drive out of here - at least not conveniently.  How would you secure the room? ABBY      [perking up]  We could set watches-- TYLER     [mumbled] Screw you! ABBY     I can't watch all night.  Adrenaline is only good for so long. MARK     That guy struck you that bad? ABBY     Yeah.  I'm probably just-- MARK     Let's assume otherwise.  We have a map - of sorts - on the door there.  Take a look. ABBY     I - well, I got the room on the end, since we'd have a better chance of seeing or hearing anyone coming.  MARK     [chuckles] ABBY     I can't help it.  I'm already in strategy mode.  Ok, the room has windows at the front and back and a bathroom that abuts the next room.  No windows in the end wall.  If we could keep an eye either side-- SOUND     FEET ON CARPET, CURTAIN PULLED ASIDE, THEN WHIPPED BACK INTO PLACE. ABBY     Oh, shit. MARK     What? ABBY     God, I hope no one saw the light.  MARK     I'll turn it off.  Let them think we're asleep.  SOUND     CLICK OF SWITCH MARK     Now? ABBY     It's the truck - car - whatever!    The one that almost ran us off the road! MARK     [gasps]  Are you sure? ABBY     Come and look! MARK     I believe you.  We need everyone if this is a real situation.  Shit. ABBY     There's woods - cover - right out back.  If Tyler was up, he could go look. MARK     He's not going to be up any time soon. ABBY     I know what will-- I'm going to take a chance and get my other bag from the car.  I'll see what I can see.  MARK     I'll try the phone-- ABBY     No! MARK     Why? ABBY     Switchboard - I saw a switchboard in the office.  MARK     Shit.  Major "notice," though.  Good one. SOUND     DOOR OPENS MARK     Abby? ABBY     I'll be careful. MARK     [encouraging] I'm glad it's you. SOUND     DOOR SOFTLY CLOSES MARK      Shit.  SOUND     A moment of just snoring MUSIC      CREEPS IN, JUST A BIT MARK     [snorty, "almost fell asleep" noise]  Abby?  What time--?  Shit.  SOUND     WHEELCHAIR SHIFTS MARK     [urgent hiss] Justin!  Wake up, dammit! JUSTIN     Wha--? MARK     Wake Up! SOUND     DOOR OPENS QUICKLY, FEET COME IN, DOOR SHUTS AGAIN MARK     God!  You nearly gave me a heart attack! ABBY     Sorry - I spotted someone out in the parking lot, just after I got in the van, and I didn't want to move again until it was clear.  JUSTIN     [almost awake] What's going on? ABBY     I'll get Tyler up. MARK     Go for it.  I doubt you'll have much luck. ABBY     Ah, but I have a secret weapon - I always pack a sixer with me to gaming cons.  SOUND     SLOSHING OF LIQUID MARK     [almost drooling] Energy shots. ABBY     Un-huh.  It may take a minute or two, but we'll get everyone up and running. MUSIC TYLER     All you had to do was shout "Bob! Bob is coming!" and I woulda been up and running without the taste of ass - Bob was the demon in the larp last weekend, and man was he-- MARK     Shush.  EVERYONE     [Murmurs of assent] MARK     Let's assume this is not a drill. EVERYONE     [a bit undecided murmurs] ABBY     I know there's something odd here.  I feel it. JUSTIN     Are you sure you're not just jittery about the tourney? ABBY     Probably am, but that doesn't make me think I'm wrong. BRIANNA     [Still groggy] What do you want us to do? MARK     Tyler, are you up for something that could be really dangerous? TYLER     Hell yeah. BRIANNA     [cautioning] Tyler? TYLER     Well, how dangerous? MARK     Abby? ABBY     Out the back window of the room, I think I saw that armored car that nearly ran us down.  It's parked in a dark spot.  If it's really the one, and there's any chance it's the same one that was stolen, there's a good chance we've walked in on a den of thieves.  We need to know.  Can you get within range of it and have a look? TYLER      Gimme a second. SOUND     FEET. CURTAIN MOVES BRIANNA     When you say "really dangerous"--? MARK     They already killed a couple of guys during the holdup.  I can't see them hesitating at shooting a few more bystanders. BRIANNA     Tyler? ABBY     Bree, I've Larped with him, and if anyone can really sneak, it's Folemon. BRIANNA     But that's his character! ABBY     In live action games, there are things you either can do or you can't, and sneaking is‑‑ TYLER     [voice slightly different - "in character" as Folemon]  I spy the brigands' carriage.  I will hence and reconnoiter. BRIANNA     Be careful. TYLER     Fair maiden, with you to return to, I cannot fail.  [kiss on hand]  Douse the lanterns, lest my shadow betray me! MUSIC SOUND     LIGHT TAPPING NOISE, WHICH GOES ON THROUGHOUT JUSTIN     What are you doing? ABBY     What does it look like?  I'm checking for trap doors. JUSTIN     You're joking. BRIANNA     Didn't you see that movie Vacancy?  There was a trapdoor in the bathroom floor.  ABBY     That was so annoying.  They were so stupid about that. JUSTIN     About what? ABBY     Did you see the movie? JUSTIN     Well, no. ABBY     They could have easily blocked the hatch.  But they didn't and ended up fighting guys popping up out of it. BRIANNA     They couldn't block it - they tried.  There wasn't any heavy furniture. ABBY     [derisive laugh]  What do you call this? SOUND     DULL THUMP JUSTIN     A mattress. ABBY     Have you ever had to move one?  From a dead lift?  And if that's not enough, the trapdoor was right next to the tub - you just soak the damn thing and no one - not even Schwarzenegger-- BRIANNA     Well, back in his prime-- ABBY     Is going to be able to shift it. JUSTIN     You ...actually ...thought about this? ABBY     [matter of fact] It's what I do.  SOUND     KNOCKING BRIANNA     Lights out - it's the door.  SOUND     SCUFFLE OF MOVEMENT BRIANNA     Tyler? ABBY     Folemon! TYLER     [muffled] I return triumphant! SOUND     DOOR OPENS AND QUICKLY SHUTS AGAIN, LOCKS TYLER     And, I have a prize! SOUND     TAP ON SOMETHING METAL SOUND     LIGHT CLICKS ON JUSTIN     What the--? MARK     No, that's good.  If we can get to the authorities, we can prove we saw the damn thing. JUSTIN     You coulda taken a picture - you think they're not going to notice a missing license plate? TYLER     [chuckling, full of himself] I think they'll have other things on their mind. ABBY     Oh, god, what did you do? TYLER     I had my thieves tool handy-- JUSTIN     What? BRIANNA     Pocketknife. TYLER     So I hobbled their horses. ABBY     We need to go now. JUSTIN      You did what? BRIANNA     He let the air out of their tires.  Tyler, sweetie, speak English so I can stop translating. TYLER     Hey, what?  They won't be able to come after us-- ABBY     But they will know someone was spying on their truck.  They might not notice the plate, but--  aagh! TYLER     I was... um... in the zone?  My character would have-- MARK     Understandable.  Let's deal with it.  Were there any other cars out there? TYLER     Not out back.  MARK     Justin? JUSTIN     What? MARK     Any other cars out front? JUSTIN     I didn't notice.  Sorry. MARK     See what happens when you give up gaming?  You lose your edge.  You remember anything Abby? ABBY     Not in the parking lot.  I can take a look. MARK     Hold off.  What do we have for weapons, if it comes to that? JUSTIN     Jack Shit. ABBY     Torchiere for a club.  BRIANNA     No - no heft. ABBY     We can wire the doorknob as a last resort - give someone a bitch of a shock. TYLER     Shh! [They all do.] SOUND     SLIGHT CRUNCH, MIGHT BE FOOT ON GRAVEL MARK     Posts. SOUND     VERY QUIET MOVEMENT ABBY     Uh-uh. BRIANNA     shit. MARK     The front? BRIANNA     Movement. ABBY     Window?  Door?  BRIANNA     Distraction.  [starts moaning, loudly - very sexy] ABBY     Stay out the way of the window.  BRIANNA     Uhh!  [whispered] Watching. [Up] Ohh! TYLER     [joins in] JUSTIN     You won't be able to hear-- ABBY     Neither will they! SOUND     WINDOW SLIDES OPEN WITH A PROTESTING SQUEAL ABBY     Shit.  If we're going out this way, we're doing it sharp and hard. MARK     Out front? TYLER     [still groaning] BRIANNA     Someone's right outside.  Ohh! Just a shadow.  Ohh!  Peeping or about to try something.  Ohh! JUSTIN     This is insane.  This does not happen in real life. MARK     Look, bro- you can play along, and worst that happens is you look like an idiot with the rest of us, or you keep saying it can't be real and maybe take a bullet.  Why not play along? JUSTIN      Shit.  What do you need me to do?  I am not joining that party. [Moans continue intermittently] MARK     Can you see what's at the top of the closet? Usually if there's access to an attic space, that's where it would be. JUSTIN     Sure. MARK     And you're tall enough. JUSTIN     No problem.  [suddenly serious] If this is some psycho situation, you know I won't let anyone get you, right, bro? MARK     Shithead.  Get everyone else out first!  I'm the burden - now get in the damn closet. SOUND     CLOSET DOOR OPENS ABBY     You're not a burden.  MARK     Physically, I'm a drag on the party. ABBY     Mentally, you're the only one keeping us together.  So you can just shut up. MARK     OK, shutting. BRIANNA     He's making a move. MARK     Shit.  SOUND     KNOCK ON THE DOOR BRIANNA     [loud] Ooh!  Oh, shit!  Huh? TYLER     [loud] What the fuck? MARK     Abby?  Where are we? ABBY     Tyler, get behind the door. Ready to slam it if you gotta. TYLER     Check. SOUND     KNOCK AGAIN ABBY     Brianna, the torchiere, stay below the window, trip anyone coming in. BRIANNA     On it. SOUND      KNOCKING INSISTENT ABBY     [trying to make up her mind] Door - wall - wall - door.  Shit! [deep breath, then calling out] What? SOUND     SHIFTING FURNITURE CLARK     You all right in there? ABBY     What? CLARK     I heard a noise. JUSTIN     [whispered] See?  Normal. ABBY     No.  At the very least, he's peeping.  No way he'd hear anything from the office.  [up]  Everything's fine.  We were watching a movie.  MARK     Good one. JUSTIN     Oh, this is idiotic. SOUND     WALKS, UNLOCKS AND FLINGS OPEN DOOR TYLER     Hey! ABBY     No! SOUND     GUNSHOT, BODY DROP JUSTIN     [screams in pain] SOUND     DOOR SLAMS CLARK     [screams in pain] ABBY     Bree, can you get the lock, without getting in front of the door - it's crap, but-- BRIANNA     Done.  Justin - is he--? SOUND     LOCK FUMBLED SHUT JUSTIN     [sounds more annoyed than hurt] I'm shot. ABBY     At least now we know it's not a drill.  SOUND     GUNSHOT, WINDOW SHATTERS ABBY     Down! SOUND     BODIES FALL, WHEELCHAIR RATTLES AND TIPS MARK     Get him.  I'll cover Justin. SOUND     CAUTIOUS STEP ON BROKEN GLASS ABBY     [scream, distracting him] SOUND     FEET TURN ON THE GLASS, GUNSHOT ABBY     Bree! BRIANNA     Yaaaah!  SOUND     THUMP - BODY DROPS CLARK     Yowtch! ABBY     Sit on that bastard.  Tyler, check for backup? SOUND     HEAVY CRUNCH ON GLASS CLARK     [Whimper] TYLER     On it. SOUND     CAR STARTING TYLER     Oh shit - he's in for a surprise.  Front's clear. JUSTIN     You seem to all be ignoring the fact that I've been shot. MARK     I've been applying pressure. JUSTIN     To my mouth. MARK     oh, yeah, I was supposed to be stopping the part that got shot, not the part that shot off, right. ABBY     Brianna, swap - you take a look at Justin, see if we can move him.  I'll hold down the ...fort. TYLER     Fart. [Snickers all around.] CLARK     [Moans, then grunts when Abby turns him over] SOUND     CRACKLE OF GLASS UNDER HIS BODY ABBY     Need something to tie him with.  TYLER     Gotcha.  Thieves tools to the rescue again. SOUND     RIPPING FABRIC - GOES ON FOR A WHILE BRIANNA     Tyler, toss me your flint and steel. SOUND     CATCH, THEN FLASHLIGHT COMES ON BRIANNA     Looks superficial.  I was hoping I knocked you down quickly enough, but I wasn't sure. JUSTIN     I've been shot. BRIANNA     Yes, but not badly.  I'll bandage it in a second. TYLER     Here's your fifty feet of rope... ABBY     Check the back? TYLER     I am fleet enough to be in all places at once. SOUND     ENGINE STOPS TYLER     Oh. ABBY     [grunts as she ties a knot]  OK, shithead.  Talk. CLARK     What? ABBY     Well, we have your gun.  And a pocketknife.  You want to choose which one I do you over with? CLARK     What?  I was just-- ABBY     Shooting in through our door? CLARK     I thought you were - TYLER     Shut up. ABBY     No, let him talk.  I want to hear this. CLARK     Nothing. ABBY     Oh, well.  How many friends you got out there? CLARK     None. ABBY     So that's Christine out back?  Or are you Knight Rider? CLARK     Ow!  No - No!  Stop! JUSTIN     Let me.  I'm the one he shot. CLARK     No!  There's just the two - and B-Ball's shot. ABBY     Anyone else? JUSTIN     Is this what you were doing? CLARK     OWWW!  No, no one! ABBY     What about the real clerk? CLARK     Oh - um - ABBY     Right.  We need to dump this guy somewhere. TYLER     Out back?  ABBY     Chances are, we can get out the front. JUSTIN     Chances?  I don't want-- ABBY     No worries.  Tyler - eyes on the back until I signal, OK? TYLER      Sure thing. BRIANNA     What now? ABBY     We do what we have to do.  Mark, you ready to take a chance? MUSIC SOUND     OUTSIDE - DOOR OPENS SOUND     WHEELCHAIR BUMPS NOISILY OUT THE DOOR ABBY     No shots.  Good.  We're moving out.  Justin, you're behind me and the chair - get your ass into the car and start it.  We'll pile in, peel out, and worry about belts and seats later. JUSTIN     Are you sure this is safe? ABBY     Nope.  Tyler?  Got the rear? TYLER     Got it. ABBY      Bree, you're first in.  I'll cover you. SOUND     GUN CLICKS READY BRIANNA     Check.  Hold tight! SOUND     WHEELCHAIR GRINDS ALONG THE GROUND TYLER     He's coming!  ABBY     Everyone - Move!  Justin - get it in gear! JUSTIN      Yeah... SOUND     JINGLE OF KEYS, THEY DROP TO THE GROUND JUSTIN     Shit! ABBY     Dammit!  Bree, get your ass to the other side of the car! SOUND     HEAVY FEET RUNNING ON GRAVEL TYLER     I'll-- SOUND     GUNSHOT ABBY     You'll go.  Move it.  I'll cover you.  [solemn] Don't fumble the keys. TYLER     I won't. SOUND     RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF ACROSS THE GRAVEL, snatch up the keys. SOUND     GUNSHOT ABBY     [Gasps as she shoots]  Damn, that's a kick. SOUND     GUNSHOT SOUND     CAR DOOR OPENS ABBY     Yessss! SOUND     ABBY SHOOTS SOUND     SIDE DOOR SLIDES OPEN ABBY     [yelling] Stop shooting at the crip, you scumbag!  You'll be sorry! SOUND     WHEELCHAIR MOVES SLOWLY, ODD FOOTSTEPS AS ABBY CROUCHES BEHIND IT ABBY     Nice to have friends, isn't it? SOUND     GUNSHOT ABBY     [yelling] You really should stop that!  THUG     [evil laugh] ABBY     I told him. TYLER     Come on! ABBY     Bye-bye SOUND     WHEELCHAIR PUSHED, ROLLS SOUND     GUNSHOT SOUND     GRUNT OF PAIN [CLARK] SOUND     RUNNING FEET SOUND     CAR REVVING SOUND     JUMP SOUND     GUNSHOT, PINGS OFF METAL OF CAR TYLER     [grunting to pull her in] Come on! SOUND     CAR MOVES, FEET DRAG BRIANNA     Here. SOUND     GRAB, DRAG ABBY     [grunting] SOUND     DOOR SLAMS SOUND     TIRES SPIN IN GRAVEL, CAR ZOOMS OFF ABBY     [sigh] OK, whose lap am I in? MARK     Mine.  Sorry about that. ABBY     Hey, we're all here, no one got shot-- JUSTIN     I did! MARK     And we had to dump my chair... ABBY     No one got killed, and we're back on the road.  I'm gonna feel like shit for the tourney, but who gives a crap?  [giggles] [All join in the hysterical relieved laughter.] MUSIC SOUND     OUTSIDE ROAD - MORNING NOISES ABBY     [waking up noises, suddenly awake with a gasp] MARK     [whispering]  Shh.  It's ok-- SOUND     RUSTLE AS SHE TRIES TO SIT UP ABBY     Was it - It was a dream? MARK     Hell no.  But once you passed out, we figured you deserved it.  Let you sleep. ABBY     Oh... MARK     Hey Justin?  When's the next bathroom? BRIANNA     And a phone. JUSTIN     Like anyone's gonna believe us.  BRIANNA     You did get shot. TYLER      And I still have my trophy. SOUND     PING AGAINST METAL OF LICENSE PLATE MARK     Shh.  Abby's out again.  ABBY     Hmm?  [rousing herself] Like hell!  Justin?  Crank the music!! END  

19 Nocturne Boulevard
When Yellow Casts a Crimson Shadow by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week)

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 3, 2023 31:00


Thanks for your patience!  Winter is tough. ______________________________________________ This episode includes graphic violence, archiac psychiatric attitudes and terminology, gaslighting, and misogyny.  It was written intentionally to emulate the style of Italian "GIALLO" thriller films of the 1970s and 80s. ______________________________________________ Hot chicks in peril, black leather-gloved killer, faces through plate glass, badly-dubbed voices, and lots and lots of the red stuff! Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Dr. Silver - Anthony D.P. Mann Jessica - Julie Hoverson Adrienne - Robyn Keyes Dana - Kate Waterous Chris - Tanja Milojevic Inspector Gules - Glen Hallstrom Manager - Dru Williams Voice on Phone - Lord Blood-Rah Cop1 - Desmond Reddick (Dread Media) Cop2 - Miguel Guerreiro (FearShop.com) Coroner - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Detective - Caretaker (Graveyard Show) Music:  Professor Kliq Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it?  Why it's a psychiatrist's office, can't you tell?" ________________________________________   WHEN YELLOW CASTS A CRIMSON SHADOW Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Jessica Dr. Silver Dana Adrienne Chris Detective Gules Manager Voice Cop1 Cop2 Detective Coroner OLIVIA      Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a psychiatrist's office, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND      LOW MUSIC PLAYS SOUND     DOOR OPENS JESSICA     Dr. Silver? SILVER Ah, you must be Jessica. Come in!  Come in.  Your father has spoken of you often. JESSICA     Mm.  He told me to come to you if I.... needed anything. SILVER Come in! Sit down!  I can't tactfully say I am pleased to see you, but I can heartily say I am most happy to make your acquaintance. JESSICA     Oh.  Yeah.  Thanks. SOUND     DOOR SHUTS QUIETLY, SHE CROSSES ROOM AND SITS SILVER There. Now tell me what I can do for you. JESSICA     Since I moved to Florence, I've - I've been doing really well.  Sleeping.  Even without the drugs. SILVER You haven't been taking your prescriptions? JESSICA     My doctor back home said I could cut back some - once I started feeling better. SILVER Your doctor--? JESSICA     Dr. Gelb.  Joan Gelb? SILVER Ah, yes, I am familiar with some of her work. Go on. JESSICA     Go... on? SILVER You had a reason for coming to me, didn't you? JESSICA     Oh!  Yes.  [very down] The dreams. SILVER [after a beat] Yes? JESSICA     Well, I came here to attend university.  And be closer to my father. SILVER He is not in the United States? JESSICA     No.  He's on diplomatic attachment in the Netherlands - [amused] but I don't understand any Dutch. SILVER [chuckles] JESSICA     So I found a room with three other girls from the college.  They're all models.  To pay for their classes.  Well, except Dana - she just models for fun...  Sorry.  That's probably not important.  SILVER Don't let it worry you. Go at your own pace. JESSICA     Can I have a piece of paper? SILVER You want to take notes? [teasing]  That's really my job. JESSICA     No, no!  It helps me concentrate.  Please? SOUND     PAPER RIPPED FROM NOTEBOOK, PASSED OVER JESSICA     Thank you. SOUND     PAPER FOLDED, TORN - UNDER THROUGHOUT JESSICA     So, Dana, Chris, and Adrienne - are all gorgeous.  I'm the mouse.  [heavy sigh] Don't get me wrong - they're all very nice. SILVER But you are a bit jealous? JESSICA     They've all got legs all the way up to their shoulders! SILVER [musing] A woman with legs up to her shoulders might be missing a heart. JESSICA     [startled, laughs, relaxes a bit]  I like that.  But, they're nice - really nice. SILVER You're lucky. Good friends are hard to find. JESSICA     Yes... [trails off, sighs, then absently]  The dream. SILVER Whenever you're ready. JESSICA     You're going to think I'm horrible! SILVER Nonsense. Dreams are primarily symbolic, and everyone dreams about things they are embarrassed by.  I promise not to judge you. JESSICA     [gulps, long breath] In the dream, I come home.  Our apartment is on the top floor, so I walk up and up the endless stairs.  It's the type that goes round and round an open space.  [her voice slowly picks up an echo, as if in a stairwell] You know, where you can look all the way down to the ground floor - as long as you don't have to worry about vertigo? SOUND [under]      FOOTSTEPS ECHOING UP THE STAIRWELL SILVER Mm. JESSICA     And the door was ... open. JESSICA [under] Hello? JESSICA     I pushed it the rest of the way, and went in.  And everything was red.  Red on the walls.  I couldn't understand.  All I could think was - did we repaint? SILVER Yes? JESSICA     And then I looked up and saw the light fixture.  It was red too.  Red and dripping.  [slowly] Slowly dripping. SILVER [after a pause] Is that when you woke? JESSICA     [hollow, numb] No.  [coming back]  Can I have another piece of paper?  I'll trade you. SILVER A crane? Very nice. JESSICA     It was... part of my therapy. SOUND     PAPER RIPS, PASSED OVER, MORE FOLDING BEGINS SILVER Still... very nice. JESSICA     Thanks.  [deep breath]  I went into the next room.  [half a chuckle]  Out of the foyer into the frying pan.  [lame laugh]  You must think I'm awful, to be able to joke at a time like this! SILVER No. Humor is a very common way to deal with painful circumstances.  Don't concern yourself with what I think. JESSICA     Adrienne was in the sitting room.  [trying not to choke up]  Dead.  She was - all cut up, and the mirror next to the kitchen door was smashed and bloody.  I could see my reflection in the shards ....sticking ...out of her ...eyes. JESSICA [tinny] [screams] SILVER [after a short moment] Was that where the dream ended? JESSICA     [trying to be chipper]  Yes.  Just that.  Just... seeing her dead. SILVER I'd... like to venture an interpretation of this dream that might help you... come to terms with it. JESSICA     Yes? SILVER It's a manifestation of a deep-seated jealousy. JESSICA     I'm not jealous! SILVER It's normal - don't worry. She's a beautiful model and you want to see yourself in her eyes as she appears to yours.  JESSICA     [brightening] Really?  But it was so bloody. SILVER Symbolism again. Red is the color of jealousy and passion.  Nothing more. MUSIC SOUND     HER FOOTSTEPS ECHO UP ENDLESS STAIRWAY SOUND     HEAVY FOOTSTEPS BELOW SOUND     HER FOOTSTEPS STOP SOUND     A COUPLE OF HEAVY FOOTSTEPS, APPROACHING SOUND     HER FOOTSTEPS, RUNNING UP THE STAIRS SOUND     SHE PAUSES AGAIN JESSICA     [heavy breathing, trying to be quiet and listen] SOUND     NO FOOTSTEPS SOUND     THUMPING SOUNDS APPROACH - SETS OF FOUR SOUND     TURNS OUT TO BE A BALL COMING DOWN THE STAIRS SOUND     SHE CATCHES THE BALL JESSICA     [sigh, chuckle] CHILD     [strangely bland] My ball! JESSICA     [gasp, almost a scream]  Oh!  [more normal] I've got it. SOUND     HER STEPS BEGIN AGAIN MUSIC SOUND     DOOR OPENS DANA     [lecturing] I only eat chocolate off a man. JESSICA     [gasp] CHRIS     Ha!  What a line to come in on!  Dana was just explaining her perfect diet plan. ADRIENNE     It makes perfect sense - work up a sweat, then have all the chocolate you want! JESSICA     You girls. DANA     Don't tell me you wouldn't, if you had a chance? JESSICA     Well... CHRIS     Maybe she doesn't like chocolate! ADRIENNE     Maybe she doesn't like men. JESSICA     I like chocolate!  My father sent me some cocoa - the good Dutch kind. DANA     I'm surprised you like men any more, Adrienne, after all that bastard Alberto put you through. ADRIENNE     Don't get me started.  [beat]  You should really be allowed to shoot men when you're through with them.  CHRIS     I'd have a trail of bodies stretching to the sunset. JESSICA     Are there any more of those apples? DANA     Catch! SOUND      CATCHING AN APPLE CHRIS     What would we do when we run out of men? ADRIENNE     [bitter, haunted] Not all men, just the ones who want to track you down and torment you. DANA     He didn't! CHRIS     Again? JESSICA     [bites into apple, then chewing]  What? DANA      You should tell her. ADRIENNE     It makes me sound like such a victim. DANA     Why do you think she never does bikini shots? CHRIS     She's moved three times in the past year - but he always finds her. DANA     She's got the scars to prove it. MUSIC SOUND     SOFT MUSIC PLAYS SOUND     DOOR SLAMS OPEN, HURRIED FEET ENTER JESSICA     It  happened again! SILVER Calm down, Jessica. JESSICA     I'm - I'm so sorry to burst in here like this-- SILVER Sit down. JESSICA     But I - I can't concentrate on anything today-- SOUND     PAPER RIPPING FROM NOTEBOOK SILVER Here. Now sit. SOUND     SHE SNATCHES THE PAPER, FLAPS IT JESSICA     Thank you.  Are you sure it's ok? SILVER I've got plenty of paper. JESSICA     [chuckles] No, I mean-- [sighs] Thank you. SOUND     SHE SITS, BEGINS FOLDING JESSICA     I feel like such a fool. SILVER It obviously upset you. Sharing will make you feel better.  You had another dream? JESSICA     No!  That's the weird part - it was the same dream! SILVER The same? JESSICA     Well, it started the same.  Going up the stairs, and the blood on the light, and ... [almost a whisper] Adrienne. SILVER And...? JESSICA     It was all the same - except the ending.  SILVER How did it end, then? JESSICA     It didn't.  I mean - it went on, from where I woke up before.  SILVER Hmm. JESSICA     I was staring at myself in the mirror shards - but then I realized it wasn't me.  Not Jessica.  Not this time - that was different.  SILVER Who was in the reflection? JESSICA     I think it was.... the killer! [NOTE - now the voices in the consulting room are tinny, as the scene plays out underneath] SOUND     [repeat of Jessica's scream from the first dream, which trails off into a weird noise of breathing] SOUND     FOOTSTEPS WALK SLOWLY THROUGH SQUISHY BLOODY PUDDLE SILVER Be as specific as you want. You won't shock me.  You can give me every detail. JESSICA      I can smell the blood.  It's everywhere.  SILVER It's quite a distinctive smell. JESSICA      Yes. SOUND     DOOR PUSHED SLOWLY OPEN, FOOTSTEPS MOVE INTO DRY SPACE SOUND     SQUEAK AS KNIFE IS CLEANED OFF - LEATHER AGAINST METAL SOUND     FOUR TAPS OF KNIFE AGAINST WOOD JESSICA      It was Dana's room.  And she was sleeping. SILVER So this was nighttime? JESSICA      [slightly confused] I don't know.  Dana sleeps late.  SILVER Jessica - in the dream, are you Jessica, or are you the killer? JESSICA      I - I'm not sure.  I'm not... thinking in the dream, just seeing and feeling... and smelling.  I can't see a face - even in the mirrors - I just knew it was the killer looking back at me, but I couldn't tell you what he...I...looked like. SILVER [too interested] What are you wearing? JESSICA      Boots.  Black.  Leather gloves.  I move toward Dana's bed... SOUND     CREAK OF THE LEATHER GLOVES SILVER Do you stab her too? JESSICA      [offhand] Oh, Adrienne wasn't stabbed - at least... that wasn't how she died.  She was strangled.  SOUND     CREAK OF LEATHER DANA     [gasps, awakens, tries to breathe] SOUND     CLAWING AT LEATHER, SHAKING OF BED, POUNDING SILVER And then she died? JESSICA      Oh, no.  That would be too quick.  I let up just in time - she's out. SILVER [licks his lips] Do you tie her up? JESSICA      Yes.  I tie her to the bed frame.  Up and down. SILVER What is she wearing? JESSICA      A scarlet negligee.  She got it after one of her modeling shoots - the picture is on the wall over the bed.  Huge.  Her.  Posed in red.  Enticing. SOUND     [tinny] CRUMPLE OF PAPER SILVER And then...? JESSICA      [coming out of it]  I-I- can I have another piece of paper? SILVER [breathing a bit heavily, trying to calm down] Of course. SOUND     PAPER TORN RATHER CLUMSILY OUT OF NOTEBOOK - RIPS IN HALF SILVER Damn. What will you make? SOUND     TEARS ANOTHER PIECE, SHE SNATCHES IT AWAY FROM HIM, BEGINS FOLDING JESSICA      A box.  I feel like I'm in a box. SILVER Perhaps you should make something more... open. Something you can get out of. JESSICA      Maybe next time. SILVER All right. Was there more to the dream? JESSICA      A little.  After Dana woke up.  SILVER [trying to hide his excitement] What happened? JESSICA      [evasive] I just... killed her. MUSIC ESCALATES SOUND     STABBING - SETS OF FOUR DANA     [Screaming, begging, gurgling] SOUND     SPLATTER DANA     [gurgling] SOUND     A COUPLE MORE KNIFE STABS DANA     [death rattle] SOUND     DRIPPING SOUND     WIPING KNIFE WITH GLOVES AGAIN MUSIC SOUND     FOOTSTEPS IN STAIRWELL, STOP FOR A SECOND SOUND     FAR AWAY, DOOR OPENS JESSICA     [sigh] SOUND     TWO STEPS SOUND     DOOR NEARBY SLAMS OPEN SOUND     FEROCIOUS DOG!!!!! JESSICA     [screams, then smothers it] SOUND     SCRABBLING OF DOG NAILS ON TILE FLOOR JESSICA     Mrs. Amarelo!  Mrs. Amarelo!  Please! MUSIC SOUND     TEAPOT WHISTLING, TAKEN OFF, WATER POURS JESSICA     [talking loudly to someone in another room] She really needs to keep that dog on a shorter leash.  She's lucky I didn't jump back and fall down the stairs. SOUND     DOOR OPENS, SLIPPERED FEET IN DANA     [half awake]  Mm.  Coffee? JESSICA     [silly!] Cocoa.  [gasp] Oh! DANA     You don't like it?  It's imported French lace. JESSICA     I'm just not used to-- DANA     And red is such a good color on me. ADRIENNE     [calling from the other room] --she's just shy. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS COME IN ADRIENNE     [close] Haven't you ever wondered, Jessica? JESSICA     [disturbed]  Wondered... what? SOUND     A COUPLE OF STEPS DANA     Mmm? ADRIENNE     What it would be like with a woman? JESSICA     [disturbed] Um - no.  Uh, I don't even know anyone who does-- ADRIENNE     Anyone who you KNOW does, anyway. JESSICA     Um... I guess. SOUND     DOOR SLAMS OPEN CHRIS     [freaking out, out of breath] Oh, god!  SOUND     DOOR SLAMS SHUT, BODY THUMPS AGAINST IT ADRIENNE     What's wrong?  Sit down! SOUND     DOOR LOCKS JESSICA     Cocoa? CHRIS     Thanks!  [sips, then shudders in a breath] ADRIENNE     What happened? CHRIS     [gasping it out] On the street.  A gun! It was so loud!  DANA     Someone was shot?  I'm phoning the police. ADRIENNE     Give her a minute!  She's nearly hysterical! CHRIS     No!  No!  Call them!  The sooner I tell, the sooner he'll be caught! JESSICA     Did you see the guy? CHRIS     Uh-huh! [yes] MUSIC SOUND     LOW MUSIC PLAYS SOUND     PAPER FOLDING JESSICA     I have this awful feeling-- SILVER Yes? JESSICA     That this is all... some kind of premonition. SILVER You think you're seeing something that might happen in the future? JESSICA     It would make so much sense. SILVER Is there anything in the dream that makes you think it will happen? JESSICA     Like what? SILVER Something with the date? A newspaper, perhaps? JESSICA     [concentrating]  Mmm, no.  None of us really reads the papers.  Magazines, yes, but they don't come out that often.  [beat] And they all kind of look the same. SILVER Have you ever had a dream - any dream - come true in the past? JESSICA     What?  [half a chuckle] No! SILVER Then I think you are safe. [teasing, fatherly] But make sure to lock your door. JESSICA     [laughs a bit] SILVER [getting back on track] So. The dream came back.  Again. JESSICA     [quiet, sad] Yes. SILVER And it was--? JESSICA     Longer. SILVER [avid] So once again, you saw your first two friends strangled and tortured and-- [swallows] mutilated. JESSICA     Yes.  SILVER And then? What about your third friend - what was her name? JESSICA     Chris.  [numb]  Chris was in the hall.  She must have heard the commotion with Dana.  I... feel like the killer was - ummmm - surprised.  Like he didn't expect her to be there. SILVER Why do you say that? JESSICA     I don't know.  Just that he - I - had to chase her down. SILVER Be specific. JESSICA     I came out of Dana's bedroom-- [office voices go tinny] SOUND     SQUISHING FOOTSTEPS, WIPE FEET AND STEP ONTO TILE SOUND     DOOR OPENS CHRIS     Dana?  What?  Oh, god!  [screams] JESSICA     I hesitate, stunned.  Just long enough for her to run back into her room. SOUND     DOOR SLAMS SOUND     HEAVY FEET RUN, SLAM INTO DOOR CHRIS     [muffled] No!  No! SOUND     SLAM INTO DOOR, WOOD CREAKS AND CRACKS JESSICA     There's such a - a rush as the door gives way. SILVER Where is Chris? JESSICA     She's pressed again the window, outlined in light from the pink and red neon across the street. SILVER Ahhhh. What is she wearing? JESSICA     Silk.  A blue slip-- SILVER Blue? Are you sure? JESSICA     Yes.  Why? SILVER The neon light - it might be deceptive. JESSICA     I saw it in the hall. SILVER Ahhh. What color is her hair?  JESSICA     Chris?  She has long straight blonde hair.  SILVER And very pretty. JESSICA     Yes. SILVER Mmmmm. SOUND     WINDOW SLAMS OPEN JESSICA     I raise the knife and she screams again, trying to climb out the window. SILVER Can she? JESSICA     We're six stories up.  That's why there's all those stairs. SILVER Do you... cut her? JESSICA     Better.  I set the knife aside again-- SOUND     LEATHER ON METAL JESSICA      --and take her by the throat.  The black leather of the gloves looks strange in the neon pink glow - especially against her pale white throat. SILVER Does she struggle? JESSICA     Like a fiend.  She strikes and kicks, but it is all in vain.  [coming out of it] The killer must be a man. SILVER [startled out] Um? Of course--  Um, [swallows, clears throat] The um - the killer in the dream. JESSICA     That's what I meant. SILVER Right. More paper? SOUND     RIPS PAPER OUT OF NOTEBOOK JESSICA     Thanks. SOUND     TAKES IT, STARTS FOLDING SILVER You've made me quite a little collection here. What's this one? JESSICA     A knife.  SILVER [amused] A paper knife. And this? JESSICA     A shrew. SILVER No more cranes? JESSICA     Cranes are peaceful.  I haven't been feeling very... peaceful. SILVER Do you want to continue? JESSICA     Don't you have another appointment? SILVER No. Your case is fascinating, so I cleared some extra time for you. JESSICA     Oh.  All right. SILVER At least follow the dream to the conclusion. JESSICA     Where was I? SILVER [too quick] You were strangling Chris. SOUND     STRANGLING NOISES UP AGAIN SOUND     HAND POUNDING AGAINST GLASS [voices go tinny again] JESSICA     Right.  Then she passed out. SOUND     STRUGGLE STOPS, SQUEAK OF HAND SLIDING DOWN PANE SILVER Gooood. SOUND     ROPE PASSING THROUGH HANDS SILVER And--? JESSICA     I took the cord from the blinds and wrapped it around her neck. SILVER Strangling her? Again?  Why? JESSICA     It wasn't tied that tight. SILVER Then, what? JESSICA     Then I cut her a little.  Not deep.  Just enough to see red - just enough for the blood to flow.  Shoulders.  Thighs.  Chest.  It took a long time for her to wake up again. SILVER Did you cut her blue slip off? JESSICA     It's not blue any more.  Now it's wet and dark in strange rivulet patterns.  So is the floor. SILVER And then? JESSICA     Her eyes open - and once again I see my own reflection twice in one face.  And this time I can almost make out who I am.  If it weren't for that darn pink neon, I might be able to. SILVER Does SHE recognize you? JESSICA     [dismissively] Maybe.  She tries to scream.  But I already gagged her.  [little sigh]  She was asleep a long time. SILVER Uh-huh? JESSICA     I pull her up by her hair - her long blonde lovely hair.  The word "tresses" pops into my mind. SILVER Tresses. That's a good word. JESSICA     She squirms and tries to escape.  Her eyes plead with me.  But I don't waver.  I show her the knife and she closes her eyes.  I run the hilt of the knife over her forehead and she squeals - when really all I want to do is press her eyelids open. SILVER She can't understand that, can she? JESSICA     I just want her to see.  She was always a big one for seeing things. SILVER See what? JESSICA     The window. SILVER Is there something outside? JESSICA     Not yet. SILVER Oh? JESSICA     As soon as her eyelids flutter open, I turn her toward the window and slam her face into it, shattering the glass.  Something breaks in her, too, and I hear her muffled agony. SILVER Her nose? JESSICA     I don't know, since as soon as the glass is gone, I push her out. SILVER On the cord? JESSICA     She dances so prettily.  SILVER Do the people outside see? JESSICA     No, the music from the club with the neon is very loud, and no one ever looks up. SILVER What about the blood? JESSICA     I don't know.  I woke up. SILVER [breathing heavily, calming down] JESSICA     What do you think? SILVER We definitely have some work to do. You'll see me each afternoon for a while - can you promise me you will? JESSICA     Of course, if you think it's important. SILVER Very. And here is my home number-- SOUND     SCRIBBLING ON A CARD SILVER --In case anything else comes to mind. JESSICA     You're sure you don't mind if I call you? SILVER No. Of course not.  In fact, I insist.  I am here for you. MUSIC AMB     STREET, NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE AROUND SOUND     JESSICA'S STEPS, HURRYING SOUND     A STRANGE TAPPING NOISE - SETS OF FOUR - GETTING CLOSER SOUNDS     SHE SPEEDS UP SOUND     THE TAPPING GETS CLOSER SOUND     SHE SPEEDS UP MORE JESSICA     [gasping] SOUND     GRAB AND FLING OPEN DOOR SOUND     FEET RUN INTO BUILDING SOUND     DOOR SLAMS SHUT JESSICA     [breathing heavily]  SOUND     TAPS GO PAST OUTSIDE JESSICA     [sighs, almost laughs] MANAGER     [off slightly] Scotomaphobia? JESSICA     [gasps] SOUND     THUMP AS SHE RECOILS JESSICA     What?  Mr. Cramoisie?  You - you startled me! SOUND     CIGARETTE CRUSHED OUT MANAGER     The fear of going blind. JESSICA     Huh? Me? MANAGER     I saw you run from the white stick.  [chuckles] And I don't know a word for fear of a blind man. MUSIC SOUND     DOOR OPENS TENTATIVELY JESSICA     [clearly worried] Hello? ADRIENNE     Jess?  Is there something wrong? JESSICA     [sigh of relief]  No.  Nothing.  Glad to be home. SOUNDS     STEPS COME IN, DOOR SHUTS SOUND     REMOVING COAT, ETC. DANA     I was just putting on some tea - want some? JESSICA     No, thanks.  Save me some water, though? ADRIENNE     You and your cocoa.  Come in here - we've got company. SOUND     A FEW SLOW STEPS JESSICA     Oh?  Hello. GULES     Ah.  This must be your other roommate.  Very pleased.  Four such lovely ladies, [slightly ominous] all alone. CHRIS     This is Detective Gules.  That is Jessica.  Sit down Jessie.  JESSICA     Detective? SOUND     CHAIR CREAKS AS SHE SITS CHRIS     He's investigating - um - [whispered] what I saw yesterday. GULES     We suspect the murder she witnessed was gangster-related, and are concerned for her safety.  Your safety, too.  This isn't a very secure building.  You don't even have grilles on the windows. DANA     Pssht!  We're six floors up!  Who needs grilles!  Here, Jess.  Water-- SOUND     MUG SET DOWN DANA     And your precious cocoa. SOUND     TIN SOUND     SPOON DROPPED INTO MUG DANA     [to the room, teasing] I wouldn't dare measure it for you. JESSICA     [laughs]  That's perfect, Dana, thanks.  SOUND     MIXES UP THE COCOA GULES     I'm trying to convince Chris to let me take her into protection.  [getting darker] We want to make sure she stays where we can put our hands on her. MUSIC SOUND     PHONE PICKED UP JESSICA     Hello?  VOICE     [harsh whisper]  Four girls.  Could be three.  Or one. JESSICA     Who is this?  You're scaring me. VOICE     Will it be you? JESSICA     I'm hanging up now! SOUND     PHONE SLAMMED DOWN DANA     [worried] Jess?  Who was that? JESSICA     A heavy breather.  You know the type. DANA     I didn't even hear the phone ring. JESSICA     Oh?  Umm... I must have picked it up just as it was starting.  Who did you think it was? DANA     Oh, Michel.  My brother.  He's been asking for money again.  JESSICA     What's wrong this time? DANA     Same old shit.  Someone's going to break his legs.  Someone's going to kill his dog.  [disgusted noise]  He ran through his half of the inheritance years ago. JESSICA     And you don't feel sorry for him? DANA     I felt one hundred thousand dollars sorry for him, and that was in the first month after he flushed all his cash down one toilet and another.  Since then.  [shrug]  Not so damn sorry. MUSIC SOUND     SNORING [Dr. Silver] SOUND     PHONE RINGS SOUND     PHONE PICKED UP SILVER [not awake] mmm Hello? JESSICA     [on phone, hysterical] Doctor?  Please?  Something terrible has happened! SILVER [snapping awake, but still groggy] Jessica? Wha-what's going on? JESSICA     [on phone] You have to come, Doctor!  I need help!  [backs off and screams] SOUND     [on phone] PHONE DROPS, THUMPS A FEW TIMES. SOUND     BED CLOTHES FLUNG OFF MUSIC SOUND     DOC'S FEET COMING UP THE STAIRS, QUICKLY SILVER [reading door numbers] 601... 602...? JESSICA     [moan]  SILVER Jessica? What has happened? JESSICA     D-doctor?  SILVER Come out here. My god - what--? JESSICA     A nosebleed.  I - I get them sometimes. SILVER With the dreams? JESSICA     Uh-huh. SILVER Why are you out here in the hall? JESSICA     I didn't want to wake anyone. SILVER They're your friends. They will surely understand.  Let's go inside.  [suave] Maybe have some of your famous cocoa? JESSICA     [small laugh]  That would be nice. SILVER Invite me in? SOUND     DOOR OPENS JESSICA     You're invited. SOUND     A COUPLE OF STEPS, A SLIGHT SQUISH SILVER [slight shock] What? MUSIC JESSICA     [sips, then] The dream was sooo bad this time. SILVER [grunt] JESSICA     Then I found these-- SOUND     SLAP OF LEATHER GLOVES JESSICA     And suddenly everything started to be so real.  But it can't be, can it? SILVER [grunt] JESSICA     I hoped I would wake up, and the gloves would be gone, but here they are. SOUND     GLOVES CREAK SILVER [agreeing grunt] JESSICA     It's really good isn't it?  Is it too hot for you? SILVER [slight overreaction negative grunt] JESSICA     My father sent it.  From the Netherlands.  He's always somewhere else.  I mean somewhere else from where I am, anyway.  Did I tell you how my mother died? SILVER [negative] JESSICA     She committed suicide when I was 5.  I found her.  Dr. Gelb says that's why I can't sleep.  She says I can never forget my mother's dead eyes.   SILVER Hmm? JESSICA     They looked at me, but they weren't really her any more, you know? SILVER Hmm. JESSICA     [briskly] But this is all beside the point.  I'm so glad the girls are heavy sleepers.  So we can talk. SILVER Mm-hmm. JESSICA     [very important]  I finally saw myself in the dream. SILVER Mmm? JESSICA     I mean, I, in the killer's eyes, saw me - Jessica.  Do you know how frightening that could be?  The idea that I could not only watch myself be butchered, but that I would somehow be behind the eyes of the one doing it? SILVER [sigh] JESSICA     [sips]  SOUND     SETS DOWN CUP, PICKS UP PIECE OF PAPER, STARTS FOLDING JESSICA     Somehow, when I have a piece of paper in my hands, the dream fades into something that might have been on the television. SILVER Hmm. JESSICA     [beat, then] Once Chris was dead, the killer must have pulled her back in.  She was on the bed, starred with glass in the dark.  Pink stars, catching the neon. SILVER Mmm. JESSICA     I watch his black gloved hand push open my own bedroom door.  I'm lying on the bed, tossing in my sleep.  SILVER Umm. JESSICA     The knife in my - his - hand leads me to the bed.  To the woman.  To me. SILVER Umm? JESSICA     [agreeing] I know.  SOUND     [off slightly]  DOOR SLAMS OPEN JESSICA     What? COP1     [off] Oh my god! COP2     [off] [trying not to hurl] SOUND     HER SQUISHY, STICKY BARE FOOTSTEPS JESSICA     [way too calm, calling]  Chris?  Did you call for the police?  [to the police] You should have knocked. COP1     What the hell?  What... the ... hell! COP2     Is all that...blood? JESSICA     What?  Oh, the nosebleed.  Sorry, I should have changed into something fresh.  Would you like some cocoa? COP1     [calling back over his shoulder] Watch where you step! MUSIC     SOUND     GURNEY AFTER GURNEY BEING WHEELED OUT BEHIND THEM SOUND     DOG BARKING DOWN THE HALL, KEEPS GOING COP1     It's bad, sir. COP2     You might want some shoe covers. DETECTIVE     Who could have done such an awful thing? COP2     Someone crazy.  Truly out of his mind. DETECTIVE     Or her mind. COP1     Do you have any reason to suspect a woman? DETECTIVE     [shrug] I suspect everyone.  How many bodies? CORONER     Four bodies.  And one clinging to life. DETECTIVE     And the smell? CORONER     Rotting flesh.  [long sniff]  Been lying here several days, if I don't miss my guess.  MUSIC end

Journey Into...
Journey #183 - The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether by Edgar Allan Poe

Journey Into...

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 26, 2023


A man gets more than expected when he visits a French asylum to learn about a new and intriguing system of treatment for its patients.To download, right-click here and then click SaveJoin the Journey Into Patreon to get extra episodes and personal addresses, plus other extras and rewards.Narrated by Dave RobisonOther voices include:  Bria Burton, Barry Haworth, Rish Outfield, Gino Moretto, Big Anklevich, Julie Hoverson, and me, Marshal Latham.Theme music: Liberator by Man In SpaceTo comment on this or any episode:Leave us a voicemail at 77-JINTO-107 (775-4686-107)Send comments and/or recordings to journeyintopodcat@gmail.comTweet us us TwitterPost a comment on Facebook here

19 Nocturne Boulevard
Project Top Hat by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard Reissue of the Week)

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 22, 2022 38:51


once more, we return to the world of zombies.... Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson [warning - foul language] ******************************************************************* Tammuz Corporation has barely settled back in as top producer of undead workforce, when something much worse comes out of R&D.   Cast List Fred - Leonard Streeper June - Melissa Bartell Dill - Mark Olson Chambers - Dave Marshall Dr. Plasmus - Kim Poole Landon Frost - Chris Barnes Pamela Frost - Julie Hoverson Doctor - James Sedgwick Nurse - Rachel Cavic Interviewer - Russell Gold Music by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com Cover art by Julie Hoverson INTERLUDES: Cricket - Reynaud LeBoeuf, Julie Hoverson, M. Siero Garcia, Katy Fontenot Courtroom - Carl Cubbedge, Tanja Milojevic Champion Chum - Katy Fontenot, Rachel Cavic, Reynaud LeBoeuf Save the Zombies - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard New Year's Head Swaps - Justin Charles, Crystal Dennis Life Insurance - Joe Stofko Big Bob's - Richard Summers Lecturer - Robert Cudmore Classroom - Janny Hilverts, Katy Fontenot, Sirena Carroll, Mike Campbell, James Sedgwick, Julie Hoverson Zombie Show - Gareth Bowley Survivalists - Dave Fontenot, Matthew McLean "Working Stiff" - Chris Stockett Edna's Chum - M. Siero Garcia Scam - Rick Lewis Zombie Lib - Derek Koch Old Zombie Spice - Morgan Brown "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a secret lab, deep in the Tammuz Corporation, can't you tell?" ***************************************************************************************   Project Top Hat Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Landon Frost, TV show host Pamela Frost, his wife Fred and June Doctor Plasmus, top researcher Chambers - executive Dill - less important executive OLIVIA      Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a Top Secret Lab, on the human side of the wall, in the world of zombies, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND      computer and lab noises LANDON     [on TV] I'm Landon Frost, and tonight on "the Z word," we'll take a behind the scenes look at how zombies are used in the manufacture of your dog's kibble.  FRED     How can they feed zombies to dogs? JUNE     Ambulates make the food - prepare it.  It's illegal to terminate them without "just cause." FRED     As opposed to "just cuz"?  [laughs] JUNE     Hah.  That's what "the Z word" is about - exposing the ways zombies are exploited. LANDON     [TV] You'll be watching this series throughout the holidays, and I'll be tucked up at home with my family.  JUNE     He's always busy.  Hardly ever gets to see them. FRED     Oh, boo-hoo.  This Frost guy gets to fly all over the world, cussing on TV, and making zillions of dollars, and he wants sympathy? JUNE     Don't forget taking his shirt off...  [chuckle]  But he's also a romantic - always talking about how he misses his wife Pamela. FRED     So?  He could retire. JUNE     Helping improve "life" for ambulates is like a crusade for him. SOUND     DOOR OPENS, CUTTING HER OFF FRED     [muttered exclamation] Oh shit! SOUND     CHAIR SQUEAK, SCRAMBLE LANDON     [TV] I'll be meeting my wife in secret at‑‑ SOUND     SWITCH, TV OFF DILL     [coming in talking]  We should be able to improve the bottom line. CHAMBERS     AND not expose Tammuz to any more... liability.  We are just starting to get back to where we were before Mrs. Skray's... DILL     Unfortunate accident? CHAMBERS     [grim] Breakdown. DILL     Ah. CHAMBERS     I need your personal guarantee this won't come back to bite us in the butt. DILL     If it does, my butt will have your back. CHAMBERS     What? DILL     uh... nothing.  Dr. Plasmus is expecting us. CHAMBERS     Plasmus?  What kind of a name is that? DILL     Dunno.  I only know results, and the good doctor facilitated the "crickets".  Look what they've done to help us get back in good odor over the last 18 months. CHAMBERS     [favorably impressed] MMmm. DILL     And now - [announcing] Project Top Hat! SOUND     DOOR OPENS SOUND     MUSIC SCENE CHANGE TV DUDE     [ON TV]  Do you ever have behavior problems with your ambulates? ZOMBIE     Grr. OLD LADY     [pleased] Cricket! TV DUDE     Do they sometimes seem to have a mind of their own? ZOMBIE2     [weird noise] MAN     [smug] Cricket. TV DUDE     Would you ever have them in the house without it? WOMAN     Around my kids?  Forget it! KIDS     Just CRICKET! TV DUDE     Yes, Cricket, the "behavioral reminder" Implant that reminds zombies to toe the line.  TV DUDE      [quiet, rushed]  Results may vary.  Some side effects may occur.  No guarantee of bodily safety is implied or express in the sale of this product.  Not available in all areas.  [up]  Get Cricket today!  Brought to you by your friends at Tammuz Corporation. SOUND     MUSIC SOUND     WALKING, DOOR SWOOSHES OPEN SOUND     ZAPS and SQUISHY NOISES PLASMUS     You're early. DILL     Uh, no.  It's - um - six? PLASMUS     It is?  Hmm.  Well, just let me finish this, and-- SOUND     BIG ZAP CHAMBERS     What are you working on? PLASMUS     Shh! DILL     [hushed] Sorry, the doc doesn't multitask.  CHAMBERS     What? SOUND     ONE FINAL ZAP PLASMUS     Done.  He means I do not work and talk.  When you have worked directly in as many brains as I have, you begin to value each function for its own worth, and not merely as a gestalt whole. CHAMBERS     Uh, right.  So are you ready to gestalted [get started] now? DILL     Gestalt isn't-- CHAMBERS     I KNOW. PLASMUS     It was a bit of a joke?  [small dry chuckle]  Am I right? CHAMBERS     Yeah. PLASMUS     I thought as much.  I fear that the humor seat of my own brain has probably been left a wee bit underdeveloped.  Oh well.  Could be MUCH worse.  I could have an atrophied hippocampus!  [laughs riotously] DILL     Uh, yeah.  [toady laugh] CHAMBERS     That would be unfortunate, indeed. PLASMUS     [stops laughing suddenly]  But you are not here for pleasantries.  You are here to see what I have wrought! CHAMBERS     Aha!  So that's the smell in here. PLASMUS     What? CHAMBERS     Rot? PLASMUS     [laughs] MUSIC      SCENE CHANGE to TV LANDON     What the fuck do you think you're doing?  You can't have rats in any ambulate work area, you moronic lavat'ry brush!  They may not decay, but can still be damaged - do you want to be the one providing your workforce with replacement parts every time rats gnaw a bit off?  Or perhaps rats are the only protein going in to your fucking kibble?  SOUND     MUSIC DILL     So now the doctor will demonstrate--? [hint] PLASMUS     Have you forgotten the name again? DILL     [uncomfortable] No.  no, I just was giving you a chance to - you know - take the glory. PLASMUS     You should have warned me.  [sigh]  It is project top hat for a very simple reason-- SOUND     METAL CLANK CHAMBERS     It looks like a top hat.  Original.  DILL     And what does it do...?  [hinting] PLASMUS     Stop doing that.  DILL     Sorry. PLASMUS     [launching into lecture mode] The ambulate workforce is sturdy, capable - albeit slow - and cheap, since all they require is chum, unlike human workers who not only need food, shelter, sleep, etc., but also WANT things. DILL     [muttered] Zombies want things too.  That's part of the problem. PLASMUS     Shush.  It is this volition which is the only real drawback to the use of ambulates for many sorts of work - and which gives rise to the various debates over ambulate sentience, and to use an inexact phrase - over their "personhood". CHAMBERS     None of this is news. PLASMUS     I am setting it up.  So if there was a way to mix the useful qualities of the ambulate with the mindless diligence of, say, a computer, wouldn't that improve their value? CHAMBERS     [interested] Yessss.... DILL     Of course. PLASMUS     So this mechanism will do that - replacing the corpse's brain with a limited function computer, only able to obey commands. CHAMBERS     You specify "Corpse"? PLASMUS     [pleased] Ah, you caught that.  [chuckles] Much like the pre-edict abortion debates, this idealization of ambulates leads to the nasty question of when, precisely, one goes from human, to dead human, to ambulate.  DILL     You've seen the courtroom reality shows. MUSIC COURT REPORT     We'll catch the plaintiff as she leaves.  Missus Feinman,  Missus Feinman?  How do you feel about the jury's ruling? MISSUS     Act of god, my eye!  My husband had a very clear "do not reanimate" clause in his will - but that doctor failed to catch him at the exact moment to remove the head and prevent reanimation, and now he's stuck.  MISTER     [zombie moan] MISSUS     I can't even have him decently put down, what with the iffy legal status of zombies.  [sniffles] COURT REPORT     [bland] You have our sympathy, I'm sure.  In just a moment, we'll speak to the doctor and his attorney. MUSIC PLASMUS     So we must catch them in that window - that tiny "between states" period when we can still legally treat them as objects.  CHAMBERS     And--? PLASMUS     Remove the head.  Once the head is gone, the body may yet convert, but does not move, as it has little sensory input to motivate it. CHAMBERS     You remove the head?  [Slowly gets it] And then you do - oh - ohhhh.  The Top Hat. PLASMUS     I see you are a quick thinker, Mr. Senior executive.  Yes.  The unit replaces the so-called "mind", by which we truly mean the physical brain, giving the animated carcass sensory input, all the while leaving complete control with the human controller.  CHAMBERS     Can the body re-animate, without the head? PLASMUS     Do you know how the ambi-twist works? CHAMBERS     The what? DILL     [muttered] The T virus. PLASMUS     No, no!  That is a trademarked name and cannot be used without possible reprisal!  DILL     Sorry!  That's what most people [call it]. PLASMUS     I don't want to hear it!  Besides, the ambi-twist does not make ravenous beasts.  Animates are gentle.  Like kittens. MUSIC COMMERCIAL AMB     GROCERY SHOPPING SUSY     Gee, mommy, Rolf pushes the cart real well, don't he? MOMMY     That reminds me!  We need to pick up some chum! ROLF     [eager zombie noise] SUSY     He knows THAT word! ANNOUNCER     Of course he does, but can he tell the difference between Champion Chum and the bargain brand? MOMMY     Is there a difference? ANNOUNCER     Just ask Rolf! ROLF     [sticky zombie eating noises] SUSY     [laughing] Oh Rolf! ANNOUNCER     Every zombie, every day, chooses Champion brand chum! MUSIC CHAMBERS     They're tame enough with the cricket.  If they were naturally docile, we wouldn't need it. PLASMUS     And with the top hat, there will be no need for the cricket.  Let me show you. SOUND     CAGE OPENS CHAMBERS     [horrified reaction] Oh! DILL     ugh [bland] PLASMUS     This stray dog was humanely euthanized, and the top hat was immediately attached-- SOUND     COMPUTERIZED BARK PLASMUS     We had to use a fairly large dog, so the top hat unit wouldn't overbalance it.  It was designed for a human frame-- SOUND     COMMOTION OUTSIDE PLASMUS     What is this? SOUND     DOOR SLAMS OPEN JACKIE     All of you!  Over by the wall!  [to june and fred] Get in there! FRED     Right, of course. JUNE     Excuse me.  Just - um - going through. CHAMBERS     Who the devil are you? JACKIE     I'm the one with the gun!  And I said over by the wall! DILL     She means it.  Move it!  Move it move it move it.... PLASMUS     But the dog-- SOUND     COMPUTERIZED BARK SOUND     GUN SHOT INTO CEILING JACKIE     And don't get any funny ideas.  I'm not alone. CHAMBERS     [reasonable and placating]  Tell us what you want. JACKIE     [almost a yell] I want you all over by that wall! SOUND     COMPUTERIZED BARK DILL     Already here! JUNE     Me too! PLASMUS     Allow me to-- [take the dog] JACKIE      Leave that poor thing! SOUND     COMPUTERIZED BARK JACKIE     That is exactly the kind of horrid monster we're here to put an end to. PLASMUS     Ah.  Activists.  [chuckling] CHAMBERS     Don't mock the woman with the gun! PLASMUS     Oh.  Of course. JACKIE     And what's behind here? PLASMUS     No! Don't!  It's not ready yet! CHAMBERS     What IS it? SOUND     CURTAIN OPENS JACKIE     Mother of god! MUSIC     SCENE CHANGE, AND then WUSSY POPSTAR     I know all of you have heard and most of you have enjoyed my hit single "walking away with my heart" about the plight of the ambulate.  ZOMBIE     [pathetic moan] POPSTAR     Too many of these poor once-human creatures are abused, neglected, and sometimes even abandoned to fend for themselves - forced to sell their bodies, bit by horrible bit, for the chum they need to survive.  Can't you spare just a little - the price of a cup of coffee - to help? MUSIC CHAMBERS     Just tell us your demands, and let's get on with this. JACKIE     [horrified]  What have you done to this man? PLASMUS     It is not a man.  It is a corpse. JACKIE     It's moving. PLASMUS     There's no one there.  As you can see, the computer has taken the place of its entire head, thus removing all chance of-- CHAMBERS     [hissed, annoyed] You didn't say you'd already done this to a human - [correcting himself] a human corpse, that is. PLASMUS      I simply hadn't got to that part of the presentation, yet. JACKIE     [distracted and horrified] But why? FRED     Hi-YAH! SOUND     THUMP, SCUFFLE DILL     Wow.  SOUND     GUN GOES OFF DILL     Stay back! JUNE     [indecisive but encouraging] Get her, Fred! SOUND     SCUFFLE ENDS FRED     Got her. PLASMUS     Can I have her as a specimen? JACKIE     You can't do that to me! PLASMUS     Of course we could.  We simply record that you died in an attack on our security, and your corpse will be ...recycled. JACKIE     NO! CHAMBERS     That's a bit much, isn't it? PLASMUS     [quiet] Drat.  [up] Heh-heh.  Of course.  Just a bit of - intimidation.  Hah.  Hah. DILL     Right. PLASMUS     What this young lady doesn't seem to understand is that there are many people who don't wish to return as a shambling, slow, and stupid ambulate.  Many would rather know that their mind - their "soul" - had been allowed to pass on. JACKIE     How the hell do you think you're doing that? PLASMUS     Cutting off the head.  The body is still useful - as you can see.  It can be of service to the living. JACKIE     The soul isn't in the brain.  The soul is - the soul.  It will stay around no matter what. PLASMUS     [derisive laugh] MUSIC SOUND     PARTY! BRANDON     And we're here on the dead side with the new years crowd!  They start a week early, since they know it'll take 'em that long to arrive!  Whoo!  ARIA     And the hottest thing this year is head swaps!  BRANDON     [prompting, not really questioning] Head swaps, Aria? ARIA     That's right, Brandon!  You know how zombies can cut off and attach body parts?  They recently discovered that they can swap heads!  They say it's totally the ultimate! BRANDON     Unless they sew it on backwards!  Man, that would be a pain in the ass! ARIA     Yeah, but at least you could see your ass! BOTH     [LAUGH] MUSIC CHAMBERS     Where's security when you need them? JUNE     I just called them, sir.  Apparently, they've had a number of ...insurrections. DILL     Must be how she slipped by.  JACKIE     You won't get anything from me! PLASMUS     I suppose you two will have to take her to the security office for detention. FRED     Gotcha. JUNE     Oh, me?  Oh all right. SOUND      SHE CROSSES JUNE     What was it she was looking at, anyway?  [horrified gasp!] PLASMUS     What's wrong? JUNE     [too quick, very nervous] Nothing!  I just thought it - he - it - moved. PLASMUS     Nonsense.  I haven't even woken the unit yet.  Get along. JUNE     [still nervous] Yes, yes of course!  Come on! FRED     What's wrong? JUNE     [growl] Post traumatic stress!  Get moving! SOUND     THEY LEAVE PLASMUS     Some people simply cannot handle pressure.  Come have a look at my human automaton. CHAMBERS     [slightly suspicious] He looks ... fresh.  DILL     Nice physique! CHAMBERS     You didn't - uh - kill him, did you, doc? PLASMUS     [laughs flatly] No.  He was killed in a car wreck, this afternoon.  His legs sustained some damage, but mostly superficial, and his head was completely severed.  CHAMBERS     How did you get him so quickly?  The notice to the family won't even go through-- PLASMUS     [pissed]  I could not wait for petty family concerns when this perfect specimen fell into my very lap!  And he is perfect!  DILL     Ew. PLASMUS     So I snatched him out of the hospital upstairs.  Besides.  He is an organ donor.  MUSIC INSURANCE     Do you wonder about your insurance coverage?  Concerned that you may some day cease to be human, and therefore void your policy?  We here at Practical Undead National Trust can fix that for you.  For only a few dollars a day, you, too, can have coverage that extends beyond the expiration of the body. MUSIC SOUND     HALLWAY, DOOR SHUTS, FOOTSTEPS FRED     Whew.  Should we go back, do you think? JUNE     [still bothered] I - I don't know. FRED     OK, what's going on? JUNE     Oh, Fred!  This is horrible! FRED     It was just a gun.  I don't think she would have shot either of us anyway. JUNE     Not that. FRED     Then what? JUNE     That body back in the lab?  That perfectly sculpted torso?  Did you see that tattoo on the shoulder? FRED     Not my type.  Sorry. JUNE     [very important and horrible] THAT was‑‑ [cut off with a gasp] SOUND     DOOR OPENS MUSIC LANDON     [outside, loud over background noise] You would think this was a prime place for ambulates - garbage reclamation.  SOUND      CRUNCHING EQUIPMENT LANDON     They don't mind bad smells, can't catch diseases -- and yet, most of the workers hired on at this particular municipal tip don't stay.  Let's find out why. MUSIC CHAMBERS     [gritted teeth] What do we do if there's a lawsuit? PLASMUS     [shrug] If they push it, there is an incinerator in the basement, and as long as we first remove the computer unit, the organic evidence could be reduced to ashes in a matter of hours. CHAMBERS     [annoyed, but not knowing] Do you even know who this person - corpse - is? PLASMUS     [shrug]  I read the driver's license.  Why? DILL     [confident] We'll fabricate records.  Show it was cremated by mistake.  Apologize.  Give the widow some ashes and a check. CHAMBERS     Sounds like you've done this before. DILL     [smug] Things... happen.  MUSIC BOB     Come on down to Big Bob's bob-o-rama for the finest in pre-owed ambulates!  We have 'em all from this big brute for heavy lifting-- ZOMBIE     [deep moan] BOB     To this hot little number, [hinting] nice for in-house work. GIRL ZOMBIE     [sexy moan?] BOB     Come on down this weekend, and my own gramma, an ambulate herself, will be here with her special milk and cookies!  Trade-ins are always given full greybook value. MUSIC NURSE     I'm so sorry.  There's been a little mixup.  He's... um... missing. PAMELA     [low snarl] As god is my witness, if my husband's body turns up somewhere - anywhere - on a celebrity zombie show, I will personally sue you, the hospital, Tammuz, and anyone else our lawyers can think of! NURSE     But I-- DOCTOR     What seems to be the problem? PAMELA     Are you the person I should be screaming at? DOCTOR     Well, I don't know about that-- PAMELA     Then you best point me at the right one, since some screaming is well overdue. DOCTOR     Just tell me - calmly - what this is about. NURSE     It's her husband. PAMELA     My husband's BODY, you mean!  [starting to move from anger into tears] I was informed of his accident, that he was declared [suppressed sob] dead at the scene, and when I come to claim him... [deep breath, furious snarl]  He's missing. NURSE     I'm sure it's just a paperwork snafu. PAMELA     AND I know how some of you bastards are about selling celebrity corpses!  Don't think you can pull that crap on me! DOCTOR     Celebrity?  What was -uh, is - your husband's name? MUSIC SOUND     ZOMBIE MOAN LANDON     This fucking pisses me off no end - look at that poor bastard. SOUND     ZOMBIE MOAN LANDON     Look at this hand.  Three fingers gone, from a bloody hazardous environment.  [up]  They may not be human any more, but you sons-of-bitches still have to look after these beggars! MUSIC JUNE     Landon Frost! FRED     What? JUNE     I swear it was!  It's the snowflake on his shoulder.  He got it for his wife! FRED     Oh.  That can't be good.  Should we ... tell them? JUNE     Well...he IS dead.  Nothing'll change that. SOUND     DOOR OPENS, MANY FEET COME STORMING IN PAMELA     I already have Landon's private security at all your exits, and will personally go through each and every room until I find him - so you might as well hand him over. DOCTOR     But, but.. PAMELA     First, you are taking Big bill, here, and I down to your bloody incinerator -and don't try to tell me you don't have one. DOCTOR     Why? PAMELA     So no one has access to destroy the [falters] the ...evidence. SOUND     DOOR OPENS, THEY PASS OUT AGAIN FRED     Is that--? JUNE     [fatalistic] Oh boy! MUSIC LECTURER     We must stop treating ambulates as objects and start treating them as people - people very nearly like you and me.  With a bit of practice, anyone can speak clearly and slowly enough for a zombie to pick up on it.  SOUND     ZOMBIE MOAN LECTURER     If we could only follow the moans and groans of a group of zombies, I'm sure complete and fascinating conversations are going on, right under our disinterested human noses. MUSIC DILL     [on phone]  So soon?  Well, I guess we move on to plan B. [pause] She is? [upset] oh. SOUND     PHONE DOWN CHAMBERS     What is it? DILL     I - they-- PLASMUS     Quiet, please!  Time to turn it on! DILL     This may actually be a very bad... thing SOUND     A COUPLE OF ZAPS SOUND     RUSTLE CHAMBERS     Is that it? PLASMUS     Do you need me to shout "it's alive"? LANDON     [computer noise, not quite speech] DILL     Ohhhh boy. CHAMBERS     Does that thing make it able to talk? LANDON     [machine, more gobbledygook] PLASMUS     Ambulates have always been able to talk.  They simply operate on a much slower scale than we do.  It is something about the brain synapses, the ambi-twist simply cannot get them back to normal speed. DILL     [prompt] They're how much slower than humans? PLASMUS     I said not to do that. DILL     I was just asking,.  Really. PLASMUS     They operate somewhere between 20 and 50% slower than humans.  That is why they have to be spoken to slowly. LANDON     [machine] Fuck you! PLASMUS     [chuckles] Or not. DILL     [gasp] Is it supposed to do that? CHAMBERS     I thought you said that removing the head should negate the personality. PLASMUS     I'm sure it is just something programmed in.  My computer expert has quite a sense of humor. LANDON     [machine]  What the hell is going on? PLASMUS     [worried now] Or... not. DILL     This was supposed to make it docile!  CHAMBERS     At least the thing is tied down. SOUND     RIP OF RESTRAINTS PLASMUS     [frightened] Or... not! MUSIC TEACHER     Turn to page 40.  The chapter on the ambi-twist.  Amy, will you start? [grade school students, who read more or less well] AMY     The ambi-twist was a genetic modification first pioneered by Tammuz Corporation. BOBBY     With the best of intentions, this benevolent corporation was trying to help people. CORA     To overcome the issues with tissue rejection and make transplants one hundred percent successful. DESMOND     But the ambi-twist went a bit awry. [after a pause] ELLIE     [whispered] You have to read more. DESMOND     nuh-uh.  Not my fault it's a short sentence. ELLIE     Fine!  [ahem]  The ambi-twist altered the genetic makeup of the intended cells, yes, but it did not stop there, instead running amok through the entire body and giving the cells a life of their own. FRANK     Most of the population now carries the ambi-twist virus, which has little to no effect on them ... during their lifetime. DESMOND     [spooky noise] ooo-OO-oo EVERYONE     [joking zombie groans] MUSIC NOTE     LANDON IS COMPUTERIZED FROM HERE ON OUT LANDON     Why so gob-smacked?  Where the fuck am I? SOUND     THUMP GETTING OUT OF BED, FOOTSTEPS PLASMUS     This is very bad.  DILL     It's coming over.  Let me guess, it can see and hear through the computer unit too? PLASMUS     [wry]  Of course.  What use is a unit that bumps into walls and can't follow orders? LANDON     Is anyone planning to answer me? CHAMBERS     Look, you.  You've died and are now property.  Just lay back and shut up. DILL     Oh boy. LANDON     No, you look here, you lump of festering dog turd!  If I were dead, and I don't believe it for a minute - I have very specific contingencies in my will.  PLASMUS     [chuckles] Speaking of contingencies-- SOUND     SHOTGUN RACKING PLASMUS     I would call this experiment a conditional success. SOUND     SHOTGUN BLAST MUSIC HUSHED MC     And the ambulate "Gracie's darling" is now approaching the steps.  This is a level three hazard, since it typically takes an ambulate several tries.  Oh!  She's on the first step!  Very nicely corrected a stumble and managed to stick the second step.  Ah, but she's faltering -- Momentum can only carry one SO far, and this is where balance truly comes into play.  [gareth bowley] MUSIC SOUND     DOOR SLAMS SHUT CHAMBERS     Holy cow! PLASMUS     [gleeful] Did you see how fast it was? DILL     You mean when it walked off with your shotgun?  I thought we were done for! CHAMBERS     Looked like it nearly took your hand off, too. PLASMUS     [dismissive] It's broken,  It's fine.  [up] We must follow it! CHAMBERS     Get security on all the doors! DILL     On it. PLASMUS     Try not to hurt it! CHAMBERS     Belay that order.  Take that thing down at all costs.  And definitely before it leaves the building! MUSIC SURVIVALIST1     I don't care how many times they take this feed down and report me - I ain't gonna stand by and let them goddamn walking dead take over.  Since every one of us as dies turns into one of them, ain't no way we can keep ahead unless we thin the herd a bit.  SURVIVALIST2     Hell yeah.  Now on the chart behind me, you see a human-- SURVIVALIST1     or zombie-- SURVIVALIST2     right, "or zombie," body with various areas marked in red.  Those are your standard  targets, right there.  The head is, of course, the primary, since the bastards won't stop walking without that being gone. SURVIVALIST1     Even that don't put 'em down right away, but if you can get it GONE-- SURVIVALIST2     Sure is funny to watch them bump into walls, in't it? BOTH     [laugh] MUSIC AMB     HALLWAY SOUND     ALARMS, RUNNING FEET IN DISTANCE JUNE     Why do I suddenly feel like a job change? FRED     I'll help with the resume.  Let's scat.  SOUND     RUNNING FEET APPROACH JUNE     Oh shit! [dragging him out of the way] Over here! LANDON     Run, you little buggers!  I'll blow your fucking pop stand wide open!  FRED     Holy crap! JUNE     Ssh!  Maybe it won't notice us! LANDON     What are you looking at? FRED     Too late! JUNE     Please don't hurt us! LANDON     Hurt?  HURT?  I'm going to ruin you snotty little gits! FRED     Ruin, I can live with. SECURITY     Stop right there! SOUND     ASSORTED ZOMBIE MOANS JUNE     Sock troops! LANDON     [machine] Is this some kind of a sick joke?  Turning THEM against ME? SECURITY     Lay down the weapon and come along quietly, Top Hat. FRED     Top hat?  What is he, a Batman villain? MUSIC MOVIE ANNOUNCER     He was a normal boring man. NORMAL MAN     Hey honey - be late tonight. MOVIE ANNOUNCER     With a normal boring Life. NORMAL MAN     Yes, sir, I can get that done for you this afternoon. MOVIE ANNOUNCER     Until the day he died. NORMAL MAN     Excuse me - I feel - my chest - urk. SOUND     THUMP, DROP PHONE, ERROR TONE MOVIE ANNOUNCER     Now he was to work his way back to the top, against all odds... Coming soon-- NORMAL MAN     [zombie moan] MOVIE ANNOUNCER     --A NORMAL MAN starring Justin Bieber and an undead Jim Carrey. MUSIC JUNE     [up, yelling] We're not with him! LANDON     Toady. JUNE     We DO work at Tammuz. LANDON     This is Tammuz? SECURITY     You have a count of 5 to put down the shotgun.  ONE. [continues] TWO. THREE. FOUR. FRED     Haven't you noticed the logo everywhere? LANDON     My vision is ... strange.  [musing]  Tammuz.  The one place I could never get into... FRED     Not surprising. SECURITY     FIVE!  Get him! JUNE     They won't shoot in here - too many things  might blow up.  LANDON     What?  Helping me? JUNE     I love - loved your show. LANDON     Don't be surprised if I'm back on the air soon. SOUND     HIGH PITCHED WHISTLE FRED     Ow! JUNE     What the heck? SECURITY     I said get him, you maggoty turds!  Why are you stopping? LANDON     huh.  Funny how I knew to do that. MUSIC NOTE     Ad also plays, under, at very slow speed - for the ambulates watching. EDNA     Edna's chum on the go!  Whenever you're out and about, and no time to get home and feed the ambulate in your life, drop round to Edna's Chum.  We have the best quality, tastiest chum around - hot and fresh, just like mother might have made.  Available for dine-in, drive through and even delivery!  MUSIC PLASMUS     They have him cornered in sector five, west corridor!  Checkpoint X-14.  I must reclaim the unit after they take the body down. SOUND     PHONE RINGS DILL     I'll catch up.  You guys go on ahead. CHAMBERS     Hah!  You're not weaseling out that easily. DILL     One sec [to phone] Yeah?  Oh brilliant.  That's just the cherry on top. SOUND     HANGS UP CELL DILL     [annoyed] Guess what? PLASMUS     [threat] I have a taser here somewhere-- DILL     Okay! Okay!  There's a woman upstairs demanding her husband's body.  And because this night isn't deep enough in the shit, I have a feeling she's related to-- CHAMBERS     Oh IS she?  [chuckles]  We might be seeing daylight.  Come on. MUSIC NIGERIAN SCAM     With reverence I am contacting you.  I hope you will overlook my poor typistry.  I am a recently deceased individual that managed to conceal a large sum of money before joining rank one of the walking dead.  MUSIC SECURITY     Tell me you saw that, too. FRED     You mean how he just, like, whistled and all the zombies trotted off after him like the pied piper of Hamlet? JUNE     Hamlin. SECURITY     Yeah, that.  Good.  Now when I make my report, you two can back me up. FRED     Oh, uh-- We were actually leaving. SECURITY     I don't think so. JUNE     Not Leaving leaving.  We have to get back to our -uh- posts. SECURITY     That's different.  I'll give you an escort. FRED     Oh, boy. SOUND      DISTANT FOOTSTEPS PAMELA     You!  You there!  I want a word with you! FRED     Us? JUNE     Him.  you. SECURITY     Oh, me.  Yes ma'am? PAMELA     You look like someone in charge here.  You will tell me where my husband's body is! JUNE     Oh that.  He went thataway. PAMELA     WHAT? MUSIC ZOMBIE LIB     If you can understand this, you are one of us, my zombie brother or sister.  Come to the house with three crescent moons over the door, and we will guide you safely to our side of the wall.  Liberty for all! MUSIC SOUND     SHOTGUN SHOT INTO CEILING LANDON     I'm done fucking around.  You let us past, or the next shot brings you to OUR bloody side! COP     I can't!  I-- the door is on autolock!  Please, uh, mister - I got a wife and kids-- LANDON     You stupid little shit!  I have - had a wife to, but whatever genius did this-- PAMELA     [off a bit] Landon? LANDON     Oh my god.  Pamela? PAMELA     What did they-- [more concerned than panic] your head! LANDON     It's some insane experiment.  I'm dead. PAMELA     You can still see and hear me?  [wonder]  But you're not slowed? LANDON     Yes, I-- [REMEMBER STUPID ZOMBIE DOG ALL THIS TIME] COP     Sorry, sir, but I have to-- SOUND     SHOT ZOMBIEDOG     Leaps in the way of the bullet, body drops and hat goes flying, COP     Oh, shit. LANDON     Give me a minute, dear. PAMELA     [furious] Give me your gun. LANDON     No need. SOUND     WHISTLE ZOMBIES     [attack] COP     I was - I didn't - oh! LANDON     Poor stupid animal.  PAMELA     If not for that thing, you'd be dead. LANDON     I'll take this. SOUND     PICKS UP TOP HAT CHAMBERS     [coming in]  No, we'll take that.  Both of them, in fact. MUSIC ZOMBIE MAN     Look at me.  Now look at your zombie.  Now look back at me.  Your zombie will never look as good as me, but it can smell as good as me, with special deodorant soap from--[danar?] MUSIC FRED     [quiet] back away, quietly. JUNE     [quiet] If we can just get past the corner... LANDON     Who the fuck do you think you are? FRED     Helps that he's keeping their attention. CHAMBERS     We're the owners of that gadget you're currently wearing, and we want it back.  YOU, on the other hand, are expendable. LANDON     And you think I'm afraid of your gun?  If anyone knows how durable the undead are, I should bloody well think it was me. FRED     [quiet] I'm clear! JUNE     Just a bit more... SOUND     GUNSHOT CHAMBERS     The next one goes into HER. JUNE     [off] Her?  [gasp, then relieved] Oh - her - his wife. LANDON     You wouldn't. PLASMUS     You might want to consider-- CHAMBERS     Shut up - this is all your fault anyway. PLASMUS     But-- LANDON     Get behind me, dearest. PAMELA     He can't be mad enough to shoot me! CHAMBERS     Oh, I'm flipping furious, lady!  LANDON     She doesn't mean that kind of "MAD", you festering moronic baboon! MUSIC INTERVIEWER     We have an interview with someone actually on the scene.  What precisely was going on? JUNE     It was pandemonium!  The ambulates were just walking away after the ... uh, stranger. Interviewer     Like the pied piper of hamlin? JUNE     Or like spartacus. FRED     And when Mr. Chambers - I mean the defendant - shot Mrs. Frost-- JUNE     We're not supposed to talk about that! FRED     That's why they're pixilating our faces, isn't it? JUNE     That's next week's interveiw - this one is live! FRED     Oh shit.  Oh! INTERVIEWER     Now that you've started, you might as well finish.  What happened next? JUNE     [exasperated sigh] There goes our exclusive! MUSIC SOUND     GUNSHOT LANDON     Bastards! SOUND     HIGH PITCHED WHISTLE SOUND     ZOMBIE MOANS IN RESPONSE LANDON     [snarl] Bring me THAT one! PLASMUS     Which?  Oh! CHAMBERS     Stay back! PAMELA     [expiring]  Landon?  It hurts! LANDON     Hold on, dearest.  Keep breathing.  SOUND     GUNSHOT SOUND     ZOMBIE MOANS CHAMBERS     Get out of my way, you maggots! FRED     Come ON, June! JUNE     I have to see how it ends! SOUND     GUN SHOT JUNE     [gasp]  Or not! SOUND     ZOMBIES MOAN PLASMUS     Let go! don't touch me!  Ew!  Does anyone have some purell? PAMELA     [very weak]  Landon?  What- [gasp] what are you thinking? LANDON     Is it hard to implant the top hat device? PLASMUS     It's quite simple really - the connections are made remotely inside the wiring, so the longer it is on, the more enmeshed the interfaces become-- LANDON     Take this. SOUND     CLANG OF DOG'S UNIT PLASMUS     What do you--?  [realizing] Oh. MUSIC INTERVIEWER     But the zombies didn't harm Mr. Chambers? JUNE     He wanted - Landon wanted for him to stand in a human court for trial.  FRED     He said something about rotting in hell, but his accent was getting really thick. JUNE     He was crying! FRED     He's a computer.  I mean, the voice, at least, is computerized.  Why would it get choked up? INTERVIEWER     [to camera] Even now, Chambers is standing trial for the murder of Mrs. Pamela Frost.  While the videographic evidence is very convincing, the lack of an actual body has been a point hammered on by the defense. MUSIC SOUND     CRACKLE of STATIC, THEN FOCUS SOUND     [both are clearly computerized] LANDON     Can't broadcast too long, don't want you to trace us. PAMELA     We want to reach out to everyone who has been affected by the blight that is Tammuz. LANDON     Know this - relief is coming soon.  For now, just walk away, wherever you are.  We'll find you. PAMELA     And Merry Christmas, everyone. SOUND     HIGH PITCHED WHISTLE SOUND     ZOMBIE MOANS FILL SOUNDSCAPE END

HOT COPY RADIO THEATER
THE TORCH OF LIBERTY

HOT COPY RADIO THEATER

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 11, 2022 42:29


An angry mob, in a small town, believes that a local German-American family are Nazi agents, that blew up an aircraft factory.Newspaperwomen Anne Rogers and Spritely Poole unravel the truth.Adapted from the script of a lost episode of the radio drama “Hot Copy”.Original broadcast on Sunday, December 5th, 1943.OUR CAST:Rhonda Sigler-Ware … Anne Rogers. Samantha Thompson … Spritely Poole.Erin Suminsby ... Martha Wallace Christian Neuhaus … David Wallace.Jerry Kokich … Papa Schneider and Officer O'Malley.Julie Hoverson ... Mama Schneider.Chrisi Talyn Saje ... Mrs. Brent.Angelique Bone ... Mrs. Poole.Miss Kit Caren ... Kitty.Scott Barry ... Joe.George Worrall ... the Factory Manager.Frank Guglielmelli ... Mr. Schmidt.Dan Ware ... Mr. Weinbaum.The following voices were also heard on this episode:David Robbins …Jeff Richardson …John R. Worsley … Aaron Ratzan Emily A. ColeDuane Parker Ethan HortonandLogan Smith ... Announcer.Jim Goodluck ... Producer / Director / Audio Editor.SOUND EFFECTS CREDITS:Freesound.orgThunder Tube - Inspector JCONTACT US!If you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please feel free to email:hotcopyradiotheater@gmail.comTwitter: @hotcopyradioFacebook page:https://www.facebook.com/HotCopyRadioTheater Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

19 Nocturne Boulevard
The Gift of the Zombi by Julie Hoverson (with a wink and a nod to O. Henry) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 8, 2022 35:04


Ben and Mia, young zombies in love, search for the perfect xmas present in a world of the walking dead.    Cast List Mia - Brenda Dau Ben - Derek M. Koch                 of Mail Order Zombie Geek - Glen Hallstrom Tick - Frankenvox Chuck - Bob Noble Andy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Doris - Julie Hoverson Sheri - Crystal Thomson Ted - J. Spyder Isaacson Voicebox - Beverly Poole Fred & Bob - Big Anklevich           & Rish Outfield           of Dunesteef Audio Magazine Ben's Double - Danar Hoverson Mia's Double - Julie Hoverson Other zombies:  Al Aseoche, Jacquie Duckworth, Reynaud LeBoeuf, Jack Hosley, Sidney Williams, Glen Hallstrom, Bob Noble, Brian Weingartner, Ferguson and family, Robyn Keyes, Kim Poole, Michael Hudson. Music by Jason Shaw (Audionautix.com) Show theme:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an apartment on the wrong side of town, can't you tell?" ******************************************************************************************** GIFT OF THE ZOMBI   Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Mia, zombie (20s) dating Ben Ben, zombie (20s) dating Mia Ted, zombie (30s), Mia's horny neighbor Andy, henpecked zombie (40s) Doris, Andy's wife (40s) Geek, a broker (30s) Sheri, a lovelorn friend (20s) Tick, an unscrupulous intact (human, 30s) Fred, a zombie (any) Bob, another zombie (any) Chuck, overseer zombie (any) Voicebox - mechanical translator   ALL ZOMBIES (unless noted as exceptions, below) have dual vocal tracks - the "zombie-voice" track, which is unintelligible, but vaguely mirrors the normal voice and events, and the "mind voice" (sounds like a voiceover), which is how they sound to each other.  /n = normal"mind voice" /z = "zombie voice" There are places where we only hear the zoombie voice.   Exceptions:  DORIS has no "mind voice", just incoherent shrieks GEEK only has a zombie voice, but he is clearly understandable, if still zombie-like TICK is human, and has no zombie-voice.   NOTE:  The zombie apocalypse has come and been dealt with more or less.  Zombies might still attack humans, if they see them, but humans tend to live in the walled cities and have become somewhat mythological to the zombies outside.  Zombies still are self-aware, but they think and speak so very slowly that they are difficult for humans to understand.  Conversely, to a zombie, humans seem to speak incredibly fast - almost incomprehensibly so.  That's why humans developed the voicebox to take what they say and slow it down enough for a zombie to understand. OLIVIA      Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a crumbling apartment building, can't you tell?  MUSIC SCENE 1.     MIA'S APARTMENT SOUND      WIND-UP ALARM GOES OFF SOUND     FLIES IN THE B/G THROUGHOUT MIA/Z     [distant moan of awakening, which continues, sporadically,  punctuating the narrative] MIA/n     I hate Mondays.  SOUND     ALARM SLAPPED OFF TABLE, STOPS RINGING SOUND     STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS MUSIC     VAGUE WARPED CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYS SOMEWHERE MIA/n     It doesn't help that it's two days til Christmas and I haven't got Ben his present. MIA/z     [roar of anger] SOUND      SOMETHING CRASHES TO FLOOR, GLASS BREAKS. MIA/N     The holidays just bring out the worst in me. SOUND     DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE MIA/N     [sigh] Checking my stitches in the mirror - nice to see nothing weird happened in the night.  I love the hot pink against my pale skin.  [beat] I know I'm swimming against the tide, but I still like to look nice, even when no one else gives a hang.  They're welcome to run around unwashed, in raggedy-ass clothes, just leaves more Prada for me. SOUND     SPRAY CAN PSSHT, FLIES STOP, TINY DROPPING NOISES MIA/n     A little spray - no water, that's just asking for mold - and I'm ready to face the day. SOUND     [under the next] SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS OUT OF BATHROOM AGAIN, STRUGGLES FEET INTO SHOES, NOW SHAMBLING FEET ARE IN HEELS.  MIA/n     Ben's gift is the big problem.  I know what I want to get him, but it won't come cheap.  There just aren't that many floating around out there. MUSIC       SCENE 2.     OUTSIDE SOUND     NO TRAFFIC. JUST BIRDS, SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS, OR OCCASIONAL BREAKING THINGS. SOUND     STRUGGLE WITH OBJECTS, THINGS FALL AWAY BEN/z     [moans, fighting his way to his feet] BEN/n     [hungover sounding] Wow, what did I do last night?  BEN/z     [shake head noise] BEN/n     Oh, crap - Mia'll be expecting me-- SOUND     SHAMBLING FEET SPEED UP BEN/n     For all her persnickityness, Mia is totally the greatest babe around, and I am sooo lucky that I'm the one she's into.  I figured for the longest time that she was just slumming with a grot like me - right up until we really did it.  Went whole hog and did the handfast.  It's like always having a piece of her with me.  [note:  in this case, the handfast was actually trading hands.  zombies can buy and sell body parts and trade them with one another] ANDY/z     [morning] BEN/z     [yo!  How's it going?] ANDY/z     [falling moan, ending in a squeal] BEN/n     Don't I know it!  Man, if ever a guy was whipped, Andy is the poster boy.  He's gonna catch hell for not getting home to Doris last night.  Almost tempting to stay and see the fray, but meeting Mia is the only thing on my maggoty little mind right now. MUSIC   SCENE 3.     MIA'S STAIRCASE SOUND     BODY FALLS DOWN STAIRS, FOLLOWED BY THE CLATTER OF A SHOE. MIA/z     [distraught moan] MIA/n     Darn stair carpet.  Darn heels.  SOUND     FEELING AROUND FOR THE SHOE AND PUTTING IT BACK ON MIA/n     Alas, vanity doesn't come cheap.  Ben loves my little foibles.  He understands why it matters so much to me, to be beautiful for him.  Looking back at my pink stitches, almost tripping as I crane my neck to see, I wonder whether he will like them as much as I do. SOUND     SHAMBLING FEET IN HEELS AGAIN, ANOTHER SET OF FEET COMES ON TED/z     [moan approaches, vaguely suggestive] MIA/z     [dismissive moan] MIA/n     Not today, Ted.  I don't have time for any of your nonsense. TED/z     [moan ending in a squeak/question] MIA/n     I'm with Ben, Ted.  You know that.  I'm not giving up what I have with him.  He has my hand, and my promise.  He even has my heart ... just in the old-fashioned way. TED/z     [mournful and pissed moan] MIA/n     Yeah, yeah, yeah - if you were the last one on earth, maybe. MIA/z     [roar/moan as she brushes him aside] SOUND     STUMBLING FEET QUICKLY TO DOOR, SLAMS OPEN, TUMBLES THROUGH MIA/z     [roar of triumph] MIA/N     First time!! [made it on the first try!]  This is gonna be a great day! MUSIC   SCENE 4.     OUTSIDE, NEAR BEN ANDY/z     [cursing groan] ANDY/n     Come on, Ben.  Doris likes you!  If I say you needed my help, she'll buy it! BEN/z     [dismissive groan] SOUND     SHAMBLING FEET MOVING AWAY, STUMBLING AFTER ANDY/z     [dude] ANDY/N     Dude!  Come on-- DORIS/z     [distant strident squeal] ANDY/n     Oh, crap! SOUND     SOMETHING WET SPLATS ON PAVEMENT, THEN DISTANT FEET APPROACHING ANDY/z     [strange gurgling warble] ANDY/n     [sigh] I lose more tongues that way. DORIS/z     [strident squeal, closer] MUSIC   SCENE 5.     OUTSIDE NEAR MIA'S BUILDING SOUND     HIGH HEEL SHAMBLE MIA/z     [low moan] GEEK/z     [he speaks clear enough to understand, but still zombie-like] [hey, fingers!] MIA/z     [quizzical] MIA/n     Yeah, what's it to you? GEEK/z     [you got any to spare?] MIA/n     No!  I like mine right where they are. GEEK/z     [get you a good price.  Fingers are always top value.] MIA/z     [sharp moan of anger] MIA/n     Look - these five are my boyfriend's, and this one says-- MIA/z     [fuck you] GEEK/z     [you'll be back [louder] they always come back!!] MIA/n     Damn parts brokers - [jealous] always have the best tongues. MUSIC   SCENE 6.     OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE [note:  throughout the rest of the show, unless otherwise noted, appropriate zombie noises play under] MIA     [calling]  Hey babycakes! BEN     [off]  Yo sweet thang! SOUND     PLODDING FOOTSTEPS COME TOGETHER MIA     Mm.  Missed you! BEN     Double that. SOUND     DISGUSTING SLOPPY LICKY KISSY NOISES MIA     [mild slurp, then hot]  You are such a good kisser.  BEN     Don't know how I'd get up each day without you to look forward to. MIA     [giggles]  BEN     Let's walk.  Want to show you something. MIA     Oh?  Well, I've got a little time before hitting the old treadmill. BEN     You know I'd support you if I could-- MIA     I like looking after my own needs.  [flirting] Leaves you to look after my wants. BEN     Ooh! MUSIC   SCENE 7.     OUTSIDE, NEAR STORE SOUND     PLODDING FEET MIA     I should have worn more convenient shoes. BEN     Sorry!  Almost there. MIA     What is...it...?  [awe]  Oh! BEN     I thought you might say that.  Just saw them.  Of course, they're not cheap. MIA     [drooling -- zombie noises under get really slobbery] Patent leather, thigh high - oh, I'd never have to take them off! BEN     The heels aren't too high, are they? MIA     [sigh of ecstasy]  I love stacks... MUSIC   SCENE 8.     OUTSIDE, Later BEN     [bummed] I was right, she loved the boots. ANDY     And how much did you say they were? BEN     More than I've had in living memory. ANDY     At any one time? BEN     EVER.  ANDY     Woah.  Well, suppose you can hit the mills like the rest of us schmoes - if you're truly that desperate. BEN     [scoff noise]  The mills?  It'd take me ten years - and they'd probably sell by then. ANDY     What, then?  Go out snatching?  That's pretty much your only other option. BEN     [sighs]  I thought I might ask around, see what I could borrow-- ANDY     Woah, there!  You know Doris holds the purse strings! BEN     If I was going to snatch anyone, I'd snatch her - she's got enough body for three. ANDY     [musing] You know...  That's not a bad idea. BEN     [disturbed] Serious? ANDY     Nah.  I'd fall apart without her keeping me moving.  I guess that's love. BEN     [agreeing hmph] MUSIC   SCENE 9.     TREADMILLS SOUND     HEAVY WHIRRING NOISE UNDER.  DISTANT NORMAL STREET SOUNDS MIA     Hey! OTHER ZOMBIES     [Morning!] [nice to see you!] [Mia!  Looking good!] SOUND     MANY PLODDING FEET MIA     Hey Chuck!  Got a space? CHUCK     For you?  Always, babe.  Wanna lose the heels first? MIA     Brought my work shoes.  Just need a moment at the bench. CHUCK     I'd offer to help, but...[chuckles]  Thank god for velcro, eh? MIA     Hah!  I have all my fingers. CHUCK     [chuckles] Coulda fooled me - [teasing] That looks like your fellow's hand...? MIA     [chuckles]  Jealous? MUSIC   SCENE 10.     OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE [note - Ben has zombie noises under, geek does not - he always sounds like a zombie trying to talk] GEEK     [Psst.] BEN     What? GEEK     [heard you were having some money troubles.] BEN     What's it to you? GEEK     [I might be able to help you with that.] BEN     I don't think so.  I don't have anything I feel like selling. GEEK     [You got some extra fingers.  An entire hand that looks... spare] BEN     No way. Man!  That's - that's Mia's hand!  I should smack you with it just for suggesting that! GEEK     [Hey!  I don't want no trouble!  I'm just a businessman!] BEN     [spits out the word] Businessman.  You're a parts broker.  GEEK     [Yeah, and we both know you come to me when you need something, then you spit on me when I try to help you out.] SOUND     SHUFFLING FEET START TO LEAVE BEN     Wait. GEEK     [what?] BEN     What - what's in high demand? GEEK     [What?] BEN     I mean, if I was... going to sell something ...just if... what would you be [reluctant, forcing the words out] paying the best prices for? GEEK     [[chuckles] See?  When you need me--] BEN     Cut the crap and tell me. GEEK     [Appendages are always good.  Fingers, noses, ears.  And soft parts, like tongues and, uh.... [suggestive] you know.]  BEN     [gulp] GEEK     [Toes not so much - most just get by without - unless you have a complete foot somewhere - those are collectible, but only in pristine condition.  Eyes are pretty good, and you hardly need two.]  BEN     What about parts that - aren't mine? GEEK     [Stolen parts?  What makes you think I trade dirty?] BEN     Your type always does. GEEK     [[pissed again] My type?  My type?  I think you just talked yourself out of a good deal, pal.] BEN     Shit, I-- GEEK     [incoherent roar, as he leaves] MUSIC   SCENE 11.     TREADMILL AMB - underlying zombies moans, many many plodding feet MIA     [no specific moaning for this speech] Being on the treadmill gives you plenty of time to think.  You stare at the back of the guy in front of you and wonder what's going through his head.  Ben doesn't like the nine to five, but I figure - heck, you gotta do something, and if you feel the urge to walk, might as well get paid for it, right? SOUND     SOMEONE CLIMBS ON THE TREADMILL [vocals have zombie noises under again] TED     Hey Mia! MIA     [sigh] Hi Ted. TED     Funny running into you here.  Shove over? MIA     Right.  Like I don't do this every day.  No room. SHERI     Hey Mia! [warm] Hey Ted. TED     [dismissive] Sheri. [wheedling] Come on, Mia, squeeze in a little.  There's space next to you if you make room. MIA     Sorry, Ted [she's not].  Been saving that for... Sheri. SHERI     Huh? TED     Sheri won't mind - will you? SHERI     I - I guess not... MIA     Oh, no Ted.  We have girl talking to do.  Bye-bye.  Hop up Sheri. TED     Fine.  See you at end of shift? MIA     [muttered] Not if I see you first.  SOUND     TED FLOPS OFF MIA     [up]  I don't know what you see in him, Sher. SHERI     Neither do I.  Pheromones I guess. MIA     Well, he does smell. SHERI     [on an ecstatic sigh] Yes. MIA     [ugh]  Hey, Sher, I gotta problem. SHERI     Oh?  [horrified] You didn't... break up with Ben? MIA     No!  Why would you say that? SHERI     Nothing. MIA     Did you hear something, or are you just worried that Ted might somehow luck out and catch me on the rebound? SHERI     Um.  The second one. MIA     Kinda thought so.  O-K, passing over your insecurity, can we discuss my problem? SHERI     [relieved] Sure! MIA     I found the perfect present for Ben, and I don't know how I'm gonna afford it.  SHERI     You mean...um...what you said he's missing? MIA     Yeah.  All his fleshy parts haven't lasted so well - I keep telling him that sleeping rough isn't good for him, but he hates being cooped up.  Says being nibbled on by rats is preferable to a cage. SHERI     You live in a cage? MIA     He means an apartment.  SHERI     Oh.  Well, I'm sure he looks fine without one.  You see plenty of missing ones out there every day. [NOTE:  they're discussing noses, but it makes it sound like something more suggestive] MIA     I know, but he would - well, from things he's said, he would actually LIKE one.  Make him feel like a new man.  I thought I might get him one of those artificial ones - you know, cast in plastic?  In a skin tone, though - not one of those weird colored ones. SHERI     They're all the rage with the trendoids these days, the neon ones.  I guess they figure if it's gonna look fakey, might as well make a statement.  And some of them get freakishly big. MIA     Well, I found a place to get something real high quality.  Won't look fake at all.  They'll even tint it to match his skin.  And it won't rot or fall off.  Guaranteed to last.  Not even a nibble. SHERI     It won't make him smell any better. MIA     No, but I get the feeling he would be more secure in our relationship if he - well - if he fit more the image he thinks I'd go for. SHERI     Someone with all their parts? MIA     Oh, heck.  I'd love Ben with or without any number of parts, but he seems to think I'd like him better if he actually had a nose. SHERI     [hmm]  I could maybe loan you a little-- MIA     No, this guy charges a bunch.  I'm actually tempted to sell a part or two - something I don't use, or not so much, you know? SHERI     Don't go there.  Starts out simple, a finger here, an ear there, and then - voila!  You end up checking people in at work like "Chuck, the torso" - stuck in admin cuz you got no limbs left.  Or worse - that guy who talks out his neck since he woke up one morning and his head was gone. MIA     [sigh] You're probably right.  MUSIC   SCENE 12.     OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE AMB     SLIGHT ECHO - AND A DRIP SOMEWHERE SOUND     FLOPPY STEPS IN WATER [note     Tick speaks slowly and has no zombie echo, Ben sounds completely zombie - no voice over - for this scene TICK     You looking for me? BEN     [gasp] [what?] SOUND     STUMBLE FLOPPY STEPS IN WATER TICK     Don't bother - just stand still. BEN     [you're a - an intact?] TICK     And you're a dead lump of shit, but maybe we can help each other. BEN     [moan of acceptance] TICK     Good.  Now stay quiet while I tell you what we're doing here. BEN     [slurpy gasp] TICK     That's disgusting.  But I need a heap like you to front for me.  I have some... parts... to be disposed of, but I can't just wander into maggotville myself.  BEN     [Why me?] TICK     My source says you're tough and desperate.  And stupid. BEN     [stifled annoyed noise] TICK     So maybe he's wrong.  BEN     [I am desperate] TICK     [snort]  Fine.  Here's the deal - I don't give a flying fluck about your crappy corpse cash.  On the other hand, I like having folks - dead or alive - who owe me. BEN     [What you need from me?] TICK     I'll tell you when it comes up.  Right now, I just need this bag of ... parts to vanish.  BEN     [It's illegal.] TICK     [cajoling] They're nice and fresh.  [impatient] Fine.  Clock is ticking.  Tick tock.  Tick tock.  You even remember what "time" is, maggot? BEN     [It's almost Christmas.  [beat] I'll do it.] MUSIC   SCENE 13.     TREADMILL SOUND     TREADMILL, FEET PLODDING SHERI     You ever wonder what they do over there? MIA     [lost in a daze] Hmm?  Over the wall? SHERI      Yeah.  The [awed whisper] In-tacts? MIA     Don't know.  Don't care.  Except for when they come over here and drag off my friends, I say leave them alone.  SHERI     But you do believe in them, don't you? MIA     Believe in them?  What's to believe - we see them marching on the wall, and they're the ones who shell out for us to walk on this damn treadmill day and night.  They're as real as ... as... shoes.  SHERI     Some say we all came from in-tacts, way back when. MIA     [lightly sarcastic] Yes, and a wasp nest in your head is a sign of good luck and not just poor hygiene.  I swear Sheri, you'll believe anything. SHERI     You believe they carry people off, though? MIA     Well, yeah - we've all seen that.  They appear from nowhere, in those dark helmets and suits, and by the time you catch your breath, someone's vanished. SHERI     [awed] I saw one once. MIA     A kidnapping? SHERI     An in-tact. MIA     [half-teasing, half worried] You know, they say if you mentioned them three times, they'll appear out of thin air. SHERI     [agreeing, distant] They are really fast. MIA     [exasperated] Sheri!  Don't-- SHERI     I did, though!  I really saw one.  Not just in a suit and helmet like they usually are, but one right... up... close. MIA     [sighs, feels her pain]  Tell me about it? SHERI     It was a guy, I think, and the funny part is he looked so much like a regular person.  Just that he was so fast and he was - well - he had everything.  His skin was perfect, no holes or anything, and it was this warm rosy color.  I... yearned to touch him, but when I reached out, he turned and ran away.  MIA     [uncertain] That...must have been ....weird. SHERI     [almost teary] It was like I saw an angel, and it saw something horrible in me. MIA     Oh, Sheri-- SHERI     Maybe that's why Ted won't love me?  Because I'm horrible inside? MIA     Aw, Sheri.  [reassuring] We're all horrible inside.  And if anyone's seen an angel here and not realized it, Ted's the one.  He sees you every day and misses out every time he turns his back. SHERI     [sniff sniff] MUSIC   SCENE 14.     OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE SOUND     BAG PASSED WITH A SQUISH GEEK     [you sure you don't want any of them?] BEN     [upset] I... don't need any girl parts, thanks. GEEK     [Squeamish?  All you had to do was lug a bunch of fresh merchandise here to my humble workshop.] BEN     I've never.... felt... they were so [disgusted] warm. GEEK     [Fresher just means it'll last longer.  Nothing more.  You want your pay or not?] BEN     [down] Yeah. MUSIC   SCENE 15.     TREADMILL SHERI     --you know that guy Sam I was dating? MIA     [worn down] Yeah? SHERI     And how he was always mouthing off about-- SOUND     WHISTLE, END OF SHIFT MIA     [heartfelt] Oh yesss!  What a relief! SHERI     [not getting it] Yeah!  Let's go somewhere - I was in the middle of telling you about Sam. MIA     [almost panicky] Nah, save it for next time - I have to meet up with Ben. SHERI     It's so great to have someone to talk to while we walk - Tomorrow, same time? MIA     [transparently lying] Sure!  Oh, no - wait - I promised I would do this thing with Ben tomorrow. SHERI     What thing? MIA     [panicky, trying to cover] You mean I didn't mention the thing? I--uh-- SOUND     DISTANT ZOMBIE NOISES AND SCREAMS SHERI     What the--? MIA     Come on! SOUND     SLOW PLODDING.  LARGE GROUP OF ZOMBIES GATHERING MUSIC   SCENE 16.     OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE SOUND      SLOW PLODDING, ONE SET OF FEET ANDY     [distant] Ben!  Ben! BEN     [sigh] SOUND     PLODDING STOPS BEN     Yeah? SOUND     ANDY'S FEET APPROACH ANDY     [panicky] Ben, man, am I glad to see you - it's Doris!  Jeez, she slipped and I think something's broken! BEN     [muttered] Lucky you. [up] What do you mean? ANDY     Her leg - it snapped and now she can't get up!  What am I gonna do, Ben? BEN     Andy, Doris is such a-- ANDY     I know I know.  She gives me hell and treats me like a dog, but what can I do, Ben, I love her!  You gotta help me.  I'll do anything! BEN     Let me take a look. MUSIC   SCENE 17.     ALTERCATION SOUND     LOTS OF SHAMBLING FEET, MOANS MIA     What happened? SHERI     Where's everyone going? FRED     It's one of the overseers! MIA     An in-tact?  What happened? BOB     I seen the whole thing!  He fell off the wall and someone made a grab fer him! SHERI     Oh no! FRED     Oh, yeah!  He's somewhere in the middle of the dogpile there. MIA     Isn't anyone helping? BOB     What are you, some kind of pervert?  This is an [spits out the word] In-tact.  [excited] They're tearing him apart! MIA     We should get out of here! SHERI     B-but - They're gonna kill him! MIA     [sad] I know, and there's nothing we can do about it.  And we want to be out of here before they bring out the big guns. SOUND     DRAGGING, SHUFFLING AWAY FROM THE FRACAS SHERI     But what if he's that same one I saw before? MIA     By now - you probably wouldn't know him.  MUSIC   SCENE 18.     ANDY'S PLACE DORIS     [squeals piteously] BEN     Yep, that's a bad one.  Twisted all up like this. ANDY     Can't we do anything? BEN     I'm no reconstructor.  Maybe some duct tape and a stick? DORIS      [Squeals angrily] ANDY     He's just trying to help, honeybuunny. BEN     Yeah, chill honeybunny. DORIS     [squeals again, sort, sharp, warning.] ANDY     [quiet] You gotta help me, Ben - you're the only one I can turn to! BEN     Jeez Andy... [sigh]  You'll pay me back? ANDY     You know I'm good for it!  Soon as that leg's on, we'll both hit the treads every day til we cover it. BEN     [down] Sure.  I-- ANDY     Yes? BEN     [muttered] I didn't like the way it felt anyway.  [up] Here.  SOUND     PACKAGE CHANGES SLOPPY HANDS ANDY     What - is it? BEN     Enough to get her fixed up - you might go ahead and get her a new tongue while you're at it. ANDY     [very quiet] Oh.  No.  Let's not go completely overboard... MUSIC   SCENE 19.     OUTSIDE, LATER, TOGETHER SOUND     OUTSIDE. SHUFFLING FEET APPROACH MIA     There you are - I was beginning to worry. SOUND     BODY FALLS TO THE GROUND "ben relaxes" BEN     [oof, then] It's been a really... weird day. SOUND     BODY FALLS TO THE GROUND "mia relaxes" MIA     [oof, then agreeing] Tell me about it. BEN     [muttered] I would if I could. MIA     Hmm? BEN     Nah.  Doris broke her leg and Andy needed help with getting her fixed up. MIA     They better get her a good big leg.  She goes through so darn many. BEN     Really? It's happened before? MIA     Every couple of years.  I think the last time was before you showed up here. BEN     I am such a sucker. MIA     Whenever you start thinking like that, just look at Andy.  That'd make anyone feel superior. BEN     You always know just the right thing to say. MIA     Can't help it.  We're in tune.  BEN     Yeah, I guess we are.  About Christmas-- MIA     Don't worry - I love the boots! BEN     Oh, the boots... MIA     But only if you can afford them.  If you can't, I might be able to get them myself.  [sexy] You still get to enjoy them, though. BEN     [grim] I'll get them-- MIA     [sorry] I was just teasing. BEN     Don't worry.  [softening]  Like I said, it's been a really strange day. MUSIC   SCENE 20.     SEWER AGAIN TICK     [really fast] Yeah what? BEN     [slow gasp] TICK     [fast] crap. [deliberately going slower, down to normal speed]  What do you want? BEN     Geek said you have another job? TICK     Not so much a job as a favor. BEN     Need money. TICK     What happened to the packet I gave you before?  Never mind - don't want to know.  [speeding up a bit] Look.  I'm not some magic money tree. BEN     Oh. TICK     [slowing again]  See right now, you owe me a favor - but I can be gracious about it.  You give me what I need, and I will advance you what you need against the next job I give you.  Sound good? BEN     [carefully articulating] You pay now for next job if I do favor? TICK     There you go.  [quick] not so damn stupid after all. MUSIC   SCENE 21.     MIA'S APARTMENT SOUND     ALARM CLOCK SOUND      KNOCKED OFF TABLE MIA     [just like at beginning]  I hate Mondays. SOUND     DOORBELL RINGS MIA     Huh? MIA/Z     coming! SOUND     BAREFOOT SHUFFLE SOUND      DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN, QUICKLY AND REPEATEDLY MIA/Z     Hold your damn horses! SOUND      DOORKNOB FUMBLES, DOOR IS SLAMMED OPEN. SOUND     BODY FALLS MIA/Z     [annoyed] hey! SOUND     FEET MOVE QUICKLY INTO APARTMENT, SLAM DOOR MIA/Z     [scared] Who are you--? SOUND     SUPER-QUICK WHISPERED VOICES IN BACKGROUND VOICEBOX     [mechanical voice]  You were at the altercation near the wall yesterday. MIA/z     uhhh VOICEBOX     Yes or no.  We ask yes or no questions.  Answer yes or no. MIA/z     yesss. VOICEBOX     Did you take part-- MIA/z     NO! VOICEBOX     Did you see any of those who did? MIA/z     [uncertain] no. VOICEBOX     There was another female with you.  Did it see anything? MIA     Sheri? MIA/z     No. VOICEBOX     Please identify this female. MIA/z     No. VOICEBOX     That was not a question.  Identify the female that was with you. MIA     Yeah, right. MIA/z     [incoherent moan] VOICEBOX     Speak clearly. MIA/z     Naaame isss [incoherent moan] VOICEBOX     We are prepared to remove parts if you do not cooperate.  SOUND     STRUGGLE, KNIFE SNICKS OPEN MIA/z     ohh! MIA     No!  that's Ben's! [the hand they're threatening] VOICEBOX     Last chance.  The name. MIA/z     Naaame isss shhh-jerry  VOICEBOX     Jerry? MIA/z     [reluctantly agreeing] Uh-huh. VOICEBOX     Good.  [commanding, disgusted] Let it go. SOUND     BODY FLUNG TO FLOOR MIA/z     [moans unhappily] SOUND     FEET MARCH CRISPLY AWAY MUSIC   SCENE 22.     SEWER BEN     You want WHAT? TICK     Not like you'll miss it. BEN     I-I don't-- TICK     Hey, take it or leave it.  You owe me, but not like I'm gonna wrestle you down and steal it from you.  I got people - and your kind - who can do that for me. BEN     When you need? TICK     [irritated, speeding up] What do you mean when?  You think I don't mean now? [like the crack of doom, slowly and clearly] Now! BEN     Now... TICK     Tick-tock. BEN     [moans uncertainly, then glumly] yeah... MUSIC   SCENE 23.     OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE MIA/z      [muffled whispered moans] MIA      Psst! SHERI     Mia?  What's with the getup? MIA      Get over here! SOUND     SHUFFLING SHERI/z     [whiny querulous moan] SHERI     What? MIA      Ok, no one can see us-- SHERI     You look like a clown. MIA      Shh!  Sheri, have any of the overseers [gulps] "talked" to you? SHERI     In-tacts?  No! MIA      They found me.  They'll find you.  They want to know who killed that - in-tact - yesterday in the riot. SHERI     Gary?  Why? MIA      No-no-no-no!  I don't WANT to know who did it!  They're asking, and they threatened to cut... off-- [sob] Th-they threatened me!  SHERI     [still not understanding it] Why? MIA      They want to get the one who did it, I suppose!  They'll come after you! SHERI     How will they know to come for me? MIA      [evasive] Well - how did - how did they know to come for me? SHERI     Oh! MIA      So now you're warned - stay away from the treadmill! SHERI     [annoyed moan] MIA     Well, I wanted to warn you.  SOUND     MIA STARTS TO WALK AWAY, STRANGELY LIMPING SHERI     What's wrong?  Mia?  You're limping. MIA     Nothing.  Figured if I can't make the treadmill for a while, I'd need something to live on. SOUND     STUMBLING FEET APPROACH SHERI and MIA     [gasping moans] FRED     [gasp]  Oh, hey!  Don't tell anyone I'm here. MIA      They found you too? FRED     I - I heard they're coming - how'd you know? SHERI     We saw it happen. FRED     Woah!  You better hide.  Least for a while.  They're taking folks again. MUSIC   SCENE 24.     MIA'S APARTMENT  BEN     Mia? SOUND     TAPPING ON DOOR, DOOR CREAKS OPEN BEN     [worried now]  Mia? TED     [off, questioning moan] BEN     You Ted? TED     yeah [affirmative moan, voice getting clearer] BEN     Where the hell's Mia? TED     She took some stuff and left.  What's it to you? SOUND     SHUFFLE TURN BEN     I'm Ben. TED     Ugh!  What the hell does she see in you? MUSIC   SCENE 25.     OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE MIA     [off a bit]  Ben? BEN     [phantom of the opera cringing noise] What? MIA     Ben - I'm over here. BEN     Mia - don't look. MIA     [almost laughing] What? BEN     Please. MIA     All right.  I'll close my eyes. BEN     Thanks.  SOUND     SHUFFLING STEPS TO MIA BEN     Why are you hiding? MIA     I saw something - there are in-tacts maybe looking for me.  I don't know. BEN     They're just full of surprises, aren't they? MIA     Are they? SOUND     MOMENT OF JUST PLODDING ALONG TOGETHER BEN     Helluva way to spend the holidays. MIA     It is Christmas, isn't it?  [beat]  Can I look now? BEN     No!  [short barking laugh]  I - I know it's silly for me to be vain, but, uh - I lost something. MIA     I got you something! BEN     Don't turn around-- Ohhhh. [disappointed] MIA     [concerned] What happened? BEN     Some guy named Gary needed a new face.  MIA     [concerned for him] I hope you got something good for it. BEN     Actually I did.  Take off your shoes. MIA     [more panicked than should be] No! BEN     Don't worry - I'll carry them for you. MIA     No - I...  I kind of needed to make a trade too.  BEN     Your leg--? MIA     I guess feet with toes are sort of collectable. BEN     Oh.  I hope ... [chuckles]  I hope you got something good for it. MIA     [laughs a bit]  SOUND     STICKY SOUND AS SHE STROKES HIS RAW FLESH MIA     At least you kept your lips.  BEN     Are you kidding?  Had to keep those - they're my best feature. MIA     Well, here's a new one, but I don't know how it will go on - you might have to wait until you have a place to hang it again. SOUND     PACKAGE UNWRAPS, OPENS BEN     It's beautiful. MIA     It's latex.  It won't rot or get chewed on by rats.  I think I got the right color, but now - BEN     It's a fine nose. MIA     Not too big?  I mean, I never saw you with-- BEN     It's perfect. MIA     We should get going.  If they're still after me, we'll have to ... find some place else to-- BEN     Waitaminute.  Now you have to open yours. MIA     Oh, you--! SOUND     UNWRAPPING OF PAPER MIA     The patent leather! BEN     Yeah.  You know, maybe you could brace and stuff them-- MIA     It's just the one foot. BEN     Ok, stuff the one, and still walk on it. MIA     Not if we're going a long way - I don't want these puppies to get worn out on any stupid road trip.  [ecstatic intake of breath]  This is the best Christmas ever! BEN     You know?  I think you're right...  Here, take my hand. MIA     [teasing sweetly] That's my hand. BEN     Come on.  [grunt to help her up] MIA     Which way? [their voices, along with their moaning and plodding footsteps, begin to slowly fade out] BEN     A wise man once said "the sun never sets on those who ride into it".  [the quote is from the end of Shock Treatment] MIA     Which wise man was that? BEN     Um.... MIA     Are we talking like "three wise men" kind of wise man? BEN     Um - no.  I think it was... Richard O'Brien. MIA     Who? BEN     You know, the time warp guy. MIA     Oh, man - I haven't been to THAT movie in months. CLOSER  "The Gift of the Magi" is a famous story by O. Henry where a newlywed couple (around 1900) each sell something to buy the other a present - He sells his watch to get her a fancy hair comb and she sells her long hair to get him a new watch fob.  The entire story is inspired by this.    

19 Nocturne Boulevard
Quail Seed (adapted by Julie Hoverson from a story by Saki) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week!

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2022 20:33


(sorry i missed a couple of weeks - been crazy busy)   Quail Seed A timely tale of marketing and social networking. [Saki was often way ahead of his time!] Announcer - Jennifer Dixon Mr. Scarrick - John Lingard Jimmy - Will Watt Lucy - Tanja Milojevic [Lightning Bolt Theater] Boy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Man - Anthony D.P. Mann [Horror Etc.] Miss Fritten - Robyn Keyes Mrs. Greyes - Jennifer Dixon Mrs. Gordon - Judith Moore Gloria - Beverly Poole Other women - Julie Hoverson Music by Kevin McLeod (Incompetech.com) Picture by lucias_clay, found with help from Bill Jones.   Quail Seed Cast: Announcer Mr. Scarrick, shopkeeper Jimmy, Assistant Lucy, Jimmy's girl Boy Man/Beard Miss Fritten Mrs. Greyes Mrs. Gordon Miss Jones Miss Smith Gloria Mrs. Lipping   SAKI OPENING MUSIC SOUND      SHOP DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS LUCY     Hello?  Helloooo? JIMMY     [close]  Morning, Lucy! LUCY     [startled gasp]  Jimmy! There you are.  Bit... empty in here, isn't it? JIMMY     [heavy sigh] A bit. LUCY     But where are all the Christmas shoppers? JIMMY     Shh!  Whatever you do, don't ask that in front of Mr. Scarrick.  You'll quite set him off.  LUCY     Oh! JIMMY     It's all right, he's out at the moment. LUCY     [impressed] He left you in charge? JIMMY     [heavy sigh, morose]  Only in the certainty that there won't be a stampede on our services. LUCY     That bad, eh? JIMMY     Quite. SOUND     DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS Miss Smith     Hello? SOUND     QUICK STEPS JIMMY     Yes?  How may I assist you? Miss Smith     [nervous] Oh, I was -um- just looking for a railway timetable?  I'm going up to the city-- [breaks off] JIMMY     Sorry.  Clean out.  Perhaps next week. MISS Smith     Ah.  Thank you. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS, BELL DOOR LUCY     You might have made a sale! JIMMY     She just wanted to look. LUCY     You don't know that. JIMMY     [bitter admission] She's the fourth today.  Everyone would rather take the train to town and shop in a big department store than [quoting] bother to take advantage of the convenience-- SOUND     DOOR BELL MISS Jones     Hello? JIMMY     ...and that's five. MUSIC SOUND     PUB SCARRICK     The outlook is not encouraging for us smaller businesses. SOUND     POURING DRINK SCARRICK     These big concerns are offering all sorts of attractions to the shopping public which we couldn't afford to imitate, even on a small scale--reading-rooms and play-rooms and gramophones and Heaven knows what. BOY     [normal, commiserating] People like shiny objects. SCARRICK     And they don't care to buy half a pound of sugar nowadays unless they can listen to Harry Lauder and have the latest Australian cricket scores ticked off before their eyes. MAN     Seems like quite a trip for sugar. SCARRICK     With the big Christmas stock we've got in we ought to keep half a dozen assistants hard at work, but as it is my nephew Jimmy and myself can pretty well attend to it ourselves.  In fact, I've left him in charge.  I've never done that before. BOY     I'm sure he'll be fine. SCARRICK     [drinks] It's a nice stock of goods, too.  I could run it all off in a few weeks time, but there's no chance of that--not unless the London line was to get snowed up for a fortnight before Christmas. MAN     [musing] How you gonna keep them home on the farm? MUSIC SOUND     SHOP DOOR, BELL MRS. GREYES     --so tedious, but there it is, and what else is one to do? MISS FRITTEN     We shall simply wait for the next--  SCARRICK     May I help you ladies? MRS. GREYES     Oh!  [evasive] Really, we just stopped in to see about --- about-- MISS FRITTEN     Bootlaces.  MRS. GREYES     Bootlaces!  Yes!  I've been in dire need of some-- SCARRICK     [hearty] Of course.  Over on the left wall, near the back. MRS. GREYES     Of course.  [whispering]  You knew he'd try and sell us something if we came in here!  Bootlaces indeed.  I already have more laces than boots! MISS FRITTEN     At least if we do make a purchase, they're small enough to carry when we go to-- MRS. GREYES     Shh! SCARRICK     Finding everything? MRS. GREYES     Oh, yes.  This is the best ... um... anchovy paste.  Just what I was looking for. MISS FRITTEN     Just lovely! SCARRICK     Perhaps you ladies could help me.  I was thinking of adding a little entertainment to the shop. MRS. GREYES     Oh? SCARRICK     I did have a sort of idea of engaging Miss Luffcombe to give recitations during afternoons; she made a great hit at the Post Office entertainment with her rendering of 'Little Beatrice's Resolve'. MISS FRITTEN     [very uncertain] Oh, that would be ...just ... lovely. SOUND     DOOR OPENS, BELL RINGS ODDLY SCARRICK     What? SOUND     ODD FOOTSTEPS ENTER SCARRICK     [excusing himself] Your pardon. SOUND     SCARRICK GOES TO THE COUNTER MRS. GREYES     [whispered] Perhaps we should just do our shopping here. MISS FRITTEN     But I'm in my best hat! MRS. GREYES     Shh! Shh!  Look at that! MISS FRITTEN     What an odd looking boy.  Brown as a nut, but we've not had sun in weeks! MRS. GREYES     And those clothes.  Like something out of the Arabian nights! SOUND     CLANG BOY     [accented now] Six pomegranates, please, and a packet of quail seed. MISS FRITTEN     What's the bowl for? MRS. GREYES     To carry the pomegranates? MISS FRITTEN     Why not a string bag? MRS. GREYES     Allergies?  Shh! SCARRICK     [business as usual]   Here you are.  We have some lovely pomegranates. MISS FRITTEN     He doesn't even look surprised! MRS. GREYES     The boy must have been here before. SOUND     COIN SKITTERING, CAUGHT BOY     The wine and figs were not paid for yesterday.  Keep what is over of the money for our future purchases. SCARRICK     [formal and serious] As you wish.  SOUND     BOY LEAVES, DOOR SHUTS SOUND     SKITTERING OF LADIES FEET MISS FRITTEN     [to Scarrick, hinting] A very strange-looking boy? SCARRICK     [final]  A foreigner, I believe. MRS. GREYES     Does he shop here often?  Surely there can't be much call for ...quail seed... at this time of year. SCARRICK     It takes all sorts. SOUND     DOOR OPENS SOUND     HEAVY OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS MISS FRITTEN     [gasp] MRS. GREYES     Oh!  [covering her consternation]  Oh, I forgot those bootlaces!  [hissed] Come on! SOUND     THEY SKITTER AWAY MAN     [accented] I wish for a pound and a half of the best coffee you have. SCARRICK     [wary] Certainly sir. MRS. GREYES     Look at that beard! MISS FRITTEN     Like a comedy Russian. MRS. GREYES     No, more like an ancient Assyrian. MISS FRITTEN     Who do you think he is? MAN     [suspicious] Has a dark-faced boy been here buying pomegranates? SCARRICK     Can't say that I've seen anyone like that. MRS. GREYES     Oh!  [muffles self] MISS FRITTEN     [whispered]  How could he! SCARRICK     [offhanded] We have a few pomegranates in stock, but there has been no real demand for them. MAN     My servant will fetch the coffee as usual SOUND     COIN SKITTERS, HEAVY FEET START TO WALK AWAY, THEN STOP MAN     [very importantly] Have you, perhaps, any quail seed? GREYES AND FRITTEN [gasp] SCARRICK     [unhesitating] No.  we don't stock it. SOUND     FEET WALK AWAY MRS. GREYES     [whispered] What will he deny next? MISS FRITTEN     And I always believed Mr. Scarrick to be such a truthful man.  Heavens! He just presided at a lecture on Savonarola. SOUND     DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES MRS. GREYES     Don't let's bother about the 3.12.  Let's dash, and talk this out at Laura Lipping's MISS FRITTEN      Perhaps we should buy a few things first.  Since we're here. MUSIC SOUND     TEA MISS FRITTEN     [recounting lusciously] Turning up the deep astrakhan collar of his long coat, the stranger swept out of the shop, with the air of a Satrap proroguing a Sanhedrim. MRS. LIPPING     Do Satraps prorogue? MISS FRITTEN     [coldly superior] Have you ever seen one that didn't? GLORIA     I don't even know what a Sanhedrim is.  Is it a dance? MISS FRITTEN     It is a simile and hardly matters.  Or do I mean an allegory? MRS. GORDON     And the boy? MRS. GREYES     I should have though him Greek, but after seeing that beard-- MRS. LIPPING     They could have been unrelated. MISS FRITTEN     Unrelated?  And both asking for "quail seed"?  Mark my words.  There's something afoot. MRS. GREYES     What bothers me most is this unprecedented streak of falsity in our local grocer! GLORIA     I've never known Mr. Scarrick to prevaricate like that before! MRS. GREYES     It's the influence of that artist that took the flat above the shop.  Mark my words.  [importantly] Bohemian. MRS. GORDON     [tragically] I shall never again be able to believe what he tells me about the absence of colouring matter in the jam. MUSIC SOUND     DOOR, BELL SOUND     BROOM LUCY     Jimmy? JIMMY     Here. LUCY     Goodness, it looks like a tornado touched down. JIMMY     Fabulous, isn't it? LUCY     But, what happened? JIMMY     This afternoon, from tea onwards, we had a constant stream of shoppers.  LUCY     Is this something to do with the odd individuals who may or may not have been in this afternoon? JIMMY     [overly innocent] Whom do you refer to? LUCY     Come on!  It's all over town.  People talked about it at tea, and more people talked about it at supper.  I expect they're all talking about it over Bridge even as we speak.  The dark young man and the Beard.  JIMMY     Sounds a bit like a music hall act. LUCY     [speculatively] Yes... yes, it does.... MUSIC AMBIENCE     SHOP [MANY CUSTOMERS] MISS SMITH     Is this the freshest jar of pickles? JIMMY     Miss?  I suppose so. MISS SMITH     It looks a little dusty. JIMMY     That would be my fault-- SCARRICK     [commanding] Jimmy!     JIMMY     So sorry, must jump. MISS FRITTEN     [whispered]  Do you think they will return? MRS. GREYES     I have it on good authority someone's rented that house at the far end of Plummergen. MISS FRITTEN     But why should they come all this way to shop? MRS. GREYES     [knowing] Plummergen drapers don't stock quail seed.  MISS FRITTEN     [getting it] Ah! SOUND     REGISTER NOISE SCARRICK     That will be three shillings and four pence. SOUND     COINS MRS. LIPPING     I'm looking for something interesting for a savory.  Have you any-- SOUND     GENERAL HUSH MRS. LIPPING     [nervous] --any, um-- SCARRICK     [as if nothing is amiss]  I have some pickled olives.  Imported from turkey. MRS. LIPPING     Yes, anything. SOUND     JAR SET DOWN, CASH REGISTER SOUND     JABBER BEGINS AGAIN SOUND     DOOR OPENS, BELL, JABBER SLOWLY DIES AWAY. SILENCE SOUND     BOY WALKS IN. SOUND     BOWL SET DOWN. SCARRICK     [normal]  What can I get for you today? BOY     I require a pound of honey. SOUND     BREATH BEING LET OUT ALL OVER BOY     and - [quieter] and a packet of quail seed. SOUND     GENERAL INTAKE OF BREATH, GIGGLE QUICKLY MUFFLED SCARRICK     Very good, sir. SOUND     CONVERSATIONS, FORCED LAUGHTER, BUT MUTED, LISTENING MISS FRITTEN     [excited whisper] We might be living in the Arabian Nights. MRS. GREYES     Hush! Listen! SOUND     THINGS PLACED INTO BOWL, BOWL REMOVED, BOY STARTS TO LEAVE. SOUND     QUICK FOOTSTEPS JIMMY     [hurried, fraught with meaning] We have some very fine Jaffa oranges.  Around behind here. SOUND     QUICK SHUFFLE OF FEET SOUND     DOOR OPENS, MAN STRIDES IN. SOUND     GASPS SCARRICK     [unperturbed]  What may I get for you today, Sir? MAN     A pound of dates and a tin of the best Smyrna halva. MISS FRITTEN     Halva?  What is that? MRS. GREYES     It comes from Smyrna - that's figs, isn't it, Smyrna is? GLORIA     Who would want dates AND figs? MRS. LIPPING     Hush. SCARRICK     There you are.  MAN     hmm [evaluating noise]  Yes. SOUND     COINS DROPPED MAN     Has the dark-faced boy, of whom I spoke yesterday, been here to-day? GLORIA     [stifled squeak of excitement] SCARRICK     We've had rather more people than usual in the shop to-day... but I can't recall a boy such as you describe. SOUND     [gasps] MRS. GREYES     [satisfied] Didn't we say? MISS FRITTEN     It's too too terrible. MUSIC TEA MRS. GREYES     It is deplorable that anyone - particularly someone in a position such as Mr. Scarrick -should treat the truth as an article temporarily and excusably out of stock. MISS FRITTEN     More quail seed!  Those quails must be voracious!  [realizing]  or else... perhaps it isn't quail seed at all. MRS. GREYES     I believe it's opium, and the bearded man is a detective. MRS. LIPPING     I don't.  I'm sure it's something to do with the Portuguese Throne. MISS FRITTEN      More likely to be a Persian intrigue on behalf of the ex-Shah.  The bearded man belongs to the Government Party. The quail-seed is a countersign, of course; Persia is almost next door to Palestine, and quails come into the Old Testament, you know. GLORIA     [exasperated] Only as a miracle.  [knowing] I've thought all along it was part of a love intrigue. MRS. LIPPING     I distinctly saw a snarl of baffled rage as the man departed, sandwiched between that heavy moustache and upturned astrakhan collar. GLORIA     I can't imagine that that boy is the guilty party here.  Much more likely he's simply perishing of love for someone - perhaps the daughter of the beard, but the match is quite unsuitable-- MISS FRITTEN     Honey and pomegranates - of course!!! MUSIC SHOP, NIGHT, QUIET SOUND     DOOR, BELL JIMMY     [calling from off] Closed! LUCY     I know, mutton head. JIMMY     Oh, Lucy! SOUND     BROOM DOWN, STEPS LUCY     Another busy day? JIMMY     The busiest.  Another day or two of brisk trade and we'll be--[cut off with a gasp] SOUND     KISS LUCY     [laughing] I was here today, you know. JIMMY     [uneasy] Oh? LUCY     [indulgent] You were quite the hero.  Hustling that poor young man off behind the biscuit tins in the very nick of time. JIMMY     [flustered] Well, I have a good view of the street from my post at the cheese and bacon counter. LUCY     [pouty] Jimmy.  Have you EVER known me to gossip? JIMMY     You, Lucy?  I don't think so. LUCY     Quite a vote of confidence. JIMMY     I didn't mean that-- [sigh] No.  No I've never known you to gossip. LUCY     Let me in, then!  Perhaps there's something I can do to help? MUSIC PUB SCARRICK     It was quite marvelous!  And we sold out of that blasted Halva. MAN     It looked crowded, but were they actually buying? SCARRICK      They bought and bought - some came back three or four times, just to have an excuse to linger.  BOY     "Oh, I forgot" and "silly me, one more thing." SCARRICK     exactly.  Even those women whose purchases were of modest proportions dawdled over them as though they had, uh-- MAN     Brutal, drunken husbands to go home to? SCARRICK     [chuckles] I've even had to take on a couple of extra assistants for tomorrow. MUSIC STORE - BUSY MISS FRITTEN     What do you think?  Is this bowl anything like the one that young gentleman carries? MRS. GREYES     Nonsense.  His is brass.  Or bronze, perhaps.  That one is copper. MISS FRITTEN     Still, it's got a lovely patina. MRS GORDON     Ducks? SCARRICK     [distracted] Pardon? MRS GORDON     Ducks?  I found a lovely recipe for Bombay duck, and was wondering if a domestic duck would suffice. SCARRICK     I suspect that ducks are much the same the world over-- [small gasp] SOUND     DOOR OPENS, BELL GENERAL EXPECTANT HUSH MRS GORDON     oh! SCARRICK     You'll excuse me. SOUND     BOY'S FOOTSTEPS, SCARRICK MEETS HIM SCARRICK     Sir?  BOY     Yes? SCARRICK     [overtly confidential]  I must warn you-- SOUND     [gasps] SCARRICK     [as if saying something else] We have run out of quail seed. MRS GORDON     Oh nO! BOY     [shocked and disappointed] Oh.  I should-- I must-- SOUND     SCUTTLING FEET JIMMY     [excited]  We do have some much finer oranges today, if you want to step over here. BOY     [dramatic gasp] SOUND     BOY RUNS MISS FRITTEN     [whispered] Watch the door! SOUND     DOOR SLAMS OPEN, BELL SOUND     OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS MRS. GORDON      [voice over] I found my self sub-consciously repeating "The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold" under my breath. SCARRICK     [very tense]  Ah.  Coffee again today sir?  Perhaps figs? MAN     I am looking for-- LUCY     [in disguise, foreign sounding]  Jaffa oranges, I think. MAN     What? MRS GREYES     [voiceover] She slithered out of the aisle like the lady in the lake. LUCY     Your Excellency does his shopping himself? MAN     [suspicious] I order the things myself.  I find it difficult to make my servants understand. MISS FRITTEN     [voiceover]  How ever did we miss a mysterious veiled lady, right in the midst of us all? LUCY     I was saying... They have some excellent Jaffa oranges here.  [tinkling laugh] SOUND     HER FEET TAP AWAY TO THE DOOR, BELL MAN     [considering] Hmph.  MRS. GORDON     [gasp] MAN     You! SCARRICK     [tense] Yes? MAN     You have, perhaps, some good Jaffa oranges? GLORIA     [voiceover] Everyone expected an instant denial on the part of Mr. Scarrick of any such possession, but before he could answer‑‑ BOY     No! SOUND     RUNNING FEET, DOOR, BELL MISS FRITTEN     [voiceover] Holding his empty brass bowl before him he dashed into the street. His face was masked with studied indifference SOUND     THE VOICEOVERS START TO FADE INTO TEA MRS GREYES     Overspread with ghastly pallor! MRS. LIPPING     I would call it blazing with defiance. GLORIA     How defiant could he be!  He was so terrified his teeth chattered! MRS. GORDON     I distinctly heard him whistling the Persian National Hymn. MISS FRITTEN     But the bearded man - his face was a mask of abject terror! MRS GREYES     I thought he would dash out after the boy, but he just paced to and fro like a caged animal - seeking an outlet for escape. GLORIA     He couldn't take his eyes off the door. MRS GORDON     Did he ever come back for his purchases?  Or send his servant? MISS FRITTEN     I've not had the nerve to ask Mr. Scarrick.  The whole thing was so ...  overwhelming. MUSIC LUCY     It was so overwhelming.  Trying not to laugh while watching all their faces. JIMMY     You did a fabulous job. LUCY     You like me in a veil? JIMMY     I can think of a veil I'd like to see you in. LUCY     [interested, pleased] Really? JIMMY     Mm-hmm  [yes] SOUND     KISS MUSIC PUB SCARRICK     I can never thank you fellows enough. MAN     We enjoyed the fun of it.  [laughs, then  talks like beard]  And the figs. BOY     It was a welcome vacation from posing for hours for 'The Lost Hylas' MAN     You just have to sit still.  I'm the one who has to make you look good. SCARRICK     What do I owe you? MAN     No, no.  It was far too entertaining.  BOY     We did get all those lovely pomegranates. SCARRICK     At any rate... I insist on paying for the hire of the black beard. END

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week: THE PERFECT PIGEON

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 20, 2022 25:15


A classic-style caper, chock-a-block with art theft, swindling, and romance! Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Algernon Winthrop - Will Watt Bartholomew Hetheredge - Glen Hallstrom Harriet Carter-Nelson - Julie Hoverson Attendant - Russell Gold Music by Laché Swing  (Free Music Archive) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Julie Hoverson     (in the style of the Dell Mapback mystery covers)     with help from Steve Guy "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a gentleman's club in the 1930s, can't you tell?" *********************************************************************** THE PERFECT PIGEON Cast: Announcer Algernon Winthrop, a young gentleman whose profession is art broker - with a secret life as a gentleman thief Harriet Carter-Nelson, country heiress, who has inherited some paintings Bartholomew Heatheredge, elder bachelor, friend and confidante of Algernon Butler, discreet and very well trained       THE PERFECT PIGEON MUSIC TO OPEN - LIGHT 1930s JAZZ OLIVIA    What do you mean what kind of place is it?  Why it's a private room in a proper Gentleman's Club in London in the 1930s - can't you tell? MUSIC SCENE 1    THE CLUB ROOM SOUND     RADIO PLAYS JAZZ IN ANOTHER ROOM ALGY    Bartholomew, old man - believe it or not, I've been HAD. BART    [mock incredulous] Algernon Winthrop the third?  "Had"?  Hold on, shh!  [beat]  No, no... I don't think I hear the trumpet hailing the end of all things, so how could You possibly-- ALGY    Hush!  Do you want to hear the story or not? BART    [teasing] I dunno - do I? ALGY    You're the only one I can tell, so I expect you can guess what this is in regards to. BART    [knowing smirk] "Art"? ALGY    Yes.  I was approached last Wednesday week by [wistful] a vision of loveliness-- BART    Male or Female? ALGY    Female, of course!  You know which direction my loveliness runs.  A trim auburn lass with a back like she'd been born on a horse. BART    There is something to be said for centaurs. ALGY    She said she had been referred to me as a leading authority on certain kinds of paintings. BART    [chuckles expectantly] A-ha! ALGY    Well, I am!  And I have the advantage of being outside the normal rope and cap mobs.  BART    Someone with no affiliation to bat for. ALGY    Correct.  [sigh]  She invited me to her country estate, and how could I refuse?  There are untold treasures hidden in mouldering attics throughout the land! BART    Better you than me.  I loathe the country. ALGY    You loathe anything beyond a ten minute walk from this club. BART    Very true.  [arch]  Oh, you've reminded me, we're in a club.  That means there is hot and cold running alcohol to hand.  Shall we? ALGY    I'll stick to a weak Gin and Tonic, if you don't mind.  I may have ...work... to do later. BART    Oh-ho!! SOUND    GENTLE BELL RINGS, GENTLE DOOR OPENS BUTLER    Sir? BART    Drinks, please.  G and T, heavy on the T, and some of that port I'm so fond of. BUTLER    Excellent selections, sir. SOUND    DOOR CLOSES ALGY    [chuckling] He'd say that regardless of what you asked for. BART    True, but he would say it with a subtle sneer in his voice.  Frankly, I can't remember the vintage of the port in question... but apparently he does. ALGY    Indispensible.  BART    I know you won't recount anything juicy until he returns, so tell me more about this girl? ALGY    Harriet Carter-Nelson.  Last heir of some family or other.  Was left the only house not entailed to a distant chinless wonder.  Took possession, found it rather a crumbling heap, but discovered there were some potentially salable items hidden about the place. BART    Items in the "canvas" line, I assume? ALGY    Precisely. SOUND    TAP AT THE DOOR BART    Come in. SOUND    BUTLER ENTERS, PUTS DOWN DRINKS, LEAVES ALGY    [sips]  Perfect.  Gem of a man. BART    Can't remember his name any more than the vintage, but I do try and appreciate him whenever I have the chance. ALGY    Appreciate him a bit for me, too, would you? BART    Certainly.  [drinks] Now, the canvasses. ALGY    After an hour or so of driving - the place was halfway to Inverness - I came upon a stark silhouette set against a striking sunset.  BART    You paint such pictures with your words. ALGY    I suppose an eye is an eye, for all that.  Checking the coordinates, I discovered I had arrived.  More striking still was the vision of loveliness that greeted me at the door. BART    NOT a butler, then? ALGY    No.  There was some sort of staff about, but she was expecting me, and made certain to be ready upon my arrival. BART    Curiouser and curiouser - a woman who doesn't make one wait an half hour for her entrance?  I like her already. ALGY    [rueful] As do I.  She lacks that sheen of plasticine that so many women don the moment they "come out" and never seem to take off again.  Everything about her seemed so natural.  So genuine.  MUSIC TRANSITION   SCENE 2    OUTSIDE THE HOUSE SOUND    FROGS, NIGHT NOISES HARRIET    I'm so pleased you found it!  Come in, come in!  Oh, no wait - sorry.  You should turn your car around before the light goes.  Some of the ground is boggy and it's quite treacherous in the dark. ALGY    I'll be perfectly fine. HARRIET     [mock sigh] Your funeral.  Come along. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL THEN WOOD, DOOR SHUTS ALGY    I didn't realize there was any civilization this far into the hinterlands. HARRIET     Oh, there isn't.  Not really.  But I love it out here.  The country is so beautiful - nine weeks out of the year.  Between mold season and mosquito season.  ALGY    [laughs]  BART    [Voice Over] Enough with the flirting - tell me about the paintings. ALGY    [VO] Give me a moment to wallow in our collective wit, won't you? BART    [VO] One more moment, then.  Proceed. HARRIET     There's a set of rooms that's quite liveable, and a few larger enclosed spaces that might pass for human habitation.  [drops the banter]  I'm hoping - truly - that some of the paintings will be worth enough that I can sell them and [loving] rescue the poor house.  [clipped again] You did say you have contacts and know people who might be looking to buy? ALGY    I shall do the best for you that I can. ALGY    [VO] And I would.  Whatever my other interests are, once I give my word, I always keep it. BART    [VO] Particularly to such a lovely young thing, eh, wot? HARRIET     It's very kind of you. ALGY    Well, I do expect to make some little commission on it, of course. HARRIET     Of course.  Right through here. MUSIC   SCENE 3    THE CLUB ROOM SOUND    ALGY DRINKS ALGY    [disgusted sigh] and it was ... tragic. BART    Strong word. ALGY    Strong feeling.  The room she took me into was hung with a dozen limp landscapes. BART    Limp? ALGY    Oh, you know the type "Aunt so-and so painted this in 1860 on the French Riveria". Or "Grandmama was always well regarded for her eye for beauty". BART    Good night.  And after such a long drive! ALGY    And watching that look of hope slide off her dainty face.  The light going out in her hazel eyes. MUSIC   SCENE 4    INSIDE THE HOUSE SOUND    SLIGHT CREAKS WHEN THEY WALK HARRIET     That bad? ALGY    I may be able to get you an odd bob or so - perhaps from an American.  Not more. HARRIET     Oh.  ALGY    It happens to the best of us. ALGY    [VO] She turned away, and the line of her shoulders spoke volumes. BART    [VO] Reading her shoulders?  On a first date? [chuckles] ALGY    I-I-- Perhaps I should... go? HARRIET     No.  [coming to a decision, almost teary]  I... Can I trust you? ALGY    Goodness, would anyone say no to that? HARRIET     [burst of laughter]  Goodness be blowed!  I'm going to take a chance.  People have said good things about you.  Come along. SOUND    WALKING, CREAKING, UNDER VO ALGY    [VO] She took me deep into the bowels of the house, into some sort of secret room.  I watched closely as she tweaked various odds and sods on a rococo mantlepiece, and a panel slid open. SOUND    CREAK AS PANEL SHIFTS SOUND    HOLLOW MOANING WIND HARRIET     There's a family ghost, but it's benign. ALGY    Spirits have never bothered me. ALGY    [VO] And in this room - by gad! BART    [VO] Yes? ALGY    [VO] Arrayed around the walls were a good dozen of what looked like genuine Old masters.  Undiscovered, possibly unknown. BART    [VO] Real?  ALGY    Real? HARRIET    Yes, but.  Problematic. ALGY    How so? HARRIET    Apparently, according to unverifiable family lore, one of our ancestors was quite the notorious bandit. ALGY    Bandit? HARRIET    Highwayman, I believe they called the titled ones.  He raided everything within a week's ride, they say, and stashed most of the boodle here.  Everything that could be sold easily, went long ago.  Gold, jewels, things like that. ALGY    Well, if they were stolen so long ago, I doubt there would be any debate as to the ownership. HARRIET    [very doubtful] Oh... I'm sure. It's just... ALGY    Yes? HARRIET    [pitiable]  There's no money.  Not a sou.  I can't possibly defend even the slightest case.  A solitary whisper of doubt, and I'll lose everything. ALGY    I see. HARRIET    And without concrete provenance, there's no legitimate way I can sell even one of these.  Tragic, isn't it? ALGY    There are plenty of people who would buy, provenance or no.  You might not get full measure, but that all depends on your patience and negotiating talent. HARRIET    [exasperated] Buyers there may be, but I wouldn't know where to find them!  ALGY    I would. HARRIET    [still fuming, not hearing him immediately] And even if I did, I wouldn't know the first thing to say-- [breaks off, realizing] What? ALGY    I know all the right people.  If you can trust me with any one of those, I'll get you top dollar. HARRIET    But why would you help me?  And how can I possibly trust you? ALGY    Oh, I'll take my standard commission, of course.  And I'll play you fair on the first one, if for no other reason than in hope that you'll let me take on the rest. HARRET    [worried musing] It's a big step.  The mere thought of letting them out of my sight terrifies me.  It's not as if I have insurance or anything.  If the worst should happen - I'd be lost. ALGY    If I could, I would buy one outright from you - at a discount, you understand - and hazard a chance I could make a profit.  But these are far out of my range, unless I were to insult you by offering a pittance. HARRIET    A pittance would at least keep body and soul together until you were able to sell it.  Could you - manage something in a down payment?  Even just call it an assurance - we could write up a contract and everything! ALGY    Oh, I don't think we need go that far.  But I could advance you something, if you don't mind waiting a day or two.  HARRIET    [musing] Let's see - a day or two for you to get back, then I have to arrange a lift into the city, to get to the bank, and back.... ALGY    [amused] Are you hinting that you would prefer cash? HARRIET    Am I that transparent?  [sweetly]  I used to be quite a good liar, I'm told, but desperation does wear one's nerve a bit thin.  And the local shops no longer honor this house with credit. ALGY    I could manage, say, a thousand pounds assurance.  If you'll let me take that small one. HARRIET    A thousand?  You think this is worth so much? ALGY    Ten times that, at least.  HARRIET    My hero!  I'll have it crated and ready for transport when you return, will that be all right? ALGY    Certainly. MUSIC   SCENE 5    THE CLUB ROOM BART    You didn't. ALGY    I did. BART    And which one of the limp landscapes did you purchase for a thousand pounds? ALGY    [sigh] A rather dreadful view of some lighthouse that's slightly off plumb. BART    [laughs heartily]  And what do you plan to do about it? ALGY    What do you think? BART    Can you find your way back in again? ALGY    I believe so.  I truly would have played fair with her, but... BART    What can she expect?  Swindling a notorious art thief like "The Badger"? MUSIC - TIME PASSES   SCENE 6    THE CLUB ROOM - NEXT DAY SOUND    DOOR OPENS ALGY    [entering melodramatically]  Oh, Bart!  Bart, my old chum!  All is lost! SOUND    DOOR SHUTS BART    Sit, dear boy.  Sit and tell!  Is this your enchanting titian-haired siren? ALGY    Enchanting!  Enchantress is more like it! BART    Why?  Don't tell me you couldn't get back into her secret painting room? ALGY    [chortles sarcastically] Oh-ho-ho.  It's far worse than that. BART    Ah.  Good thing I laid on some rather strong liquor when I got your cable.  Drink up. ALGY    [drinks]  There's really not much to tell. BART    I hope you have more than that!  This is expensive stuff! ALGY    I got into the house.  Even managed to find the right combination of whorls on the carving - she'd pushed a number of extra thingumees, did I mention that? BART    So she knew you were watching? ALGY    [sighing admission] Yes.  She's frightfully brilliant. BART    Let me get this straight - this charming chit of a girl has fooled you twice, and yet you still admire her? ALGY    I admire her because she has fooled me twice. BART    And her loveliness has nothing to do with it? ALGY    Well... [smiling] it certainly doesn't hurt. BART    [beat] So... you got into the room. ALGY    Yes.  Yes.  I got in.  BART    [exasperated] And? ALGY    Every one of the frames that I had so closely examined not two weeks before was filled... with landscapes! BART    THE landscapes? ALGY    For all I know she has an infinite supply of the blasted things!  [sudden realization] By Jove! BART    What? ALGY    I can't believe it never occurred to me before - what if I'm not the first? BART    Whatever do you mean? ALGY    What if this little minx has pulled this same trick on other so-called art dealers? BART    [chuckles]  Are you outraged at her daring, or because she didn't pick you first? ALGY    There she was, dressed in plain homespun, crying infinite poverty, when she may have just held up half the crooked daub handlers in Piccadilly! BART    I can see why you admire her. ALGY    The beast! BART    I can't wait to meet her. ALGY    Wretch! BART    You'll have to bring her around sometime. ALGY    What? BART    Well, you are going to see her again, aren't you? ALGY    You old dog.  You know everything.  [beat]  She should be here any minute. BART    Then I expect it's a good thing I've dropped a word here and there about a niece who might be coming into town any day now, isn't it? ALGY    I don't know why I even try-- SOUND    KNOCK AT DOOR BART    Yes? SOUND    DOOR OPENS, BUTLER ENTERS BUTLER    Sir, there is a young lady here to see mister Algernon Winthrop.  I told her merely that I would inquire...? BART    Proper, as always.  Don't give her any definite answer, there's a good chap, but bring her on up.  BUTLER    [slightly miffed]  Very good, sir. SOUND    DOOR CLOSES BART    That.  That is definitely the sound he would make if I placed an order for anything substandard. ALGY    I say, Bart, hide me, would you? BART    What and leave your young lady entirely in my clutches? ALGY    I know you'll get something out of her, and all the more if she doesn't realize I'm here.  BART    [indulgent] That door there.  It has a lovely large keyhole, and a connection to the corridor.  I'll ferret out whatever she's hiding.  You'll get your hands on those paintings yet. ALGY    Oh, I already have plans for that.  BART    Oh?  What--? SOUND    KNOCK ON DOOR. SOUND    SCRAMBLE AS ALGY HIDES SOUND    HIS DOOR QUIETLY CREAKS SHUT BART    [calling] Come in. SOUND    HER DOOR OPENS SOUND    BART POURS DRINK BUTLER    [introductions]  Miss Harriet Carter-Nelson.  Mister Bartholomew Heatheredge. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SHUTS [NOTE:  from this point until she "overplays her hand", BART and ALGY are pulling a con on Harriet to get her to trade back the painting] BART    [suddenly stern]  Please have a seat, Miss Carter-Nelson.  I pray you won't take offense at my not rising, but my gout has been simply murder this past week. HARRIET    [uncertain]  But... I was invited here by Mister Winthrop? BART    I have sent him on some trifling errand, in hopes that we might finish our business without his interference.  HARRIET    Business? BART    Poor Algy has a lamentably sentimental nature when it comes to these things. HARRIET    Pray enlighten me of "these things" that you are speaking of? BART    I assume you will not be adverse to endorsing this. SOUND    PAPER PRODUCED WITH A FLOURISH HARRIET    What is it?  [almost a laugh] A bill of sale?  For-- BART    The painting currently in Mr. Winthrop's possession. HARRIET    But it's-- BART    Practically worthless?  Nonetheless, Mr. Winthrop requests that you make it over to him in its entirety, in return for monies which have already changed hands - to wit, one thousand pounds. HARRIET    Why should he want to claim ownership of the silly thing? BART    [fraught with ominous meaning] Why indeed.  [brisk] All you need concern yourself with is your signature on that document, placing the item into legal custody of my client. HARRIET    Client? BART    Did he fail to mention that I am his family solicitor? HARRIET    [worried]  Solicitor.  Yes, I believe he overlooked that. BART    Come, come.  He won't be gone all day. HARRIET    No.  I would like to hear the reason for this. BART    [furious] Miss Carter-Nelson!  I am not here to give explanations, merely to get one of two outcomes from you - and while my preference would be for you to regain your painting, and my client his money, that is undoubtedly out of the question.  Should the need arise, I am also prepared to begin legal proceedings. HARRIET    [gasp] SOUND    KNOCK ALGY    [outside] I say, Bart, have you got someone in there? BART    Drat. HARRIET    [musing] Lamentably sentimental, you say? BART    Mister Winthrop, perhaps you would-- HARRIET    [loud, over him, cheery] Come in! SOUND    DOOR OPENS, ALGY ENTERS ALGY    Good gracious!  Are you keeping secrets from me, old man? BART    I am merely trying to legitimize the transaction that passed between you two-- HARRIET    [flirty] He's trying to get me to sign over all ownership of that painting. ALGY    Oh!  Good job.  Go on. HARRIET    You... you actually WANT it? ALGY    [hinting] It's not a matter of what I want-- BART    [cutting him off]  AHEM.  It's a matter of making the entire situation clear and above board.  The painting has more than been compensated for.  HARRIET    [suspicious] What do you plan to do with it? BART    [rising irritation] That is none of your concern!  The only thing that needs to happen here and now is for you to transfer title or return my client's deposit. HARRIET    This is hardly fair.  I should need to consult a solicitor as well - see to it that this bill of sale is proper and aboveboard! BART    You're right, of course.  If you will give me the name of your solicitor, I can contact him directly.  [muttered]  Probably best to have him on hand, regardless, just in case Mr. Winthrop decides to take my advice as to... legal action. HARRIET    Mr. Winthrop, I just want to-- ALGY    You can call me Algernon, if you like, Miss Carter-Nelson. HARRIET    [hesitant, confused]  Algernon.  Very well, but I-- ALGY    And perhaps I might be allowed to call you Harriet? HARRIET    [a bit wry]  Will it help convince you this does not require legal action if we are on a first name basis? ALGY    [laughs]  Perhaps. HARRIET    [slightly wheedling] Will it help convince you to let me in on the big secret about the... uh... painting in question?  ALGY    Oh, that.  It's really quite simple-- BART    Ahem. ALGY    [fatuous] Hush, Barty. I know how to handle women. BART    AHEM! ALGY    Shall I ring and have someone bring you a lozenge?  No?  Very well.  [confidential, pleased]  Now Harriet.  I can take a joke as well as the next fellow.  Don't you agree? HARRIET    You've been a pip. ALGY    And I'm sure you feel that perhaps I've only got what I deserve, as I may very well have been on the verge of stealing your lovely old master, or at the very least short-changing such a poor but lovely young heiress. HARRIET    You would be surprised how many might consider such dastardly deeds, given our relative positions. ALGY    [annoyed] How many?  [smooth again]  Well, I can assure you that I would have played fair with you - and got you the best possible deal--   BART    That is all moot.  Why don't you just null the entire transaction and give the painting back.  The colonel-- [catching himself in a mistake] I mean, the person in question - ahem - has stated a clear unwillingness to own any piece of dubious origin. ALGY    A-HEM. HARRIET    [musing] A Colonel? ALGY    I suppose you must have realized by now that I have a potential buyer for the painting, and that I will be making back - mm - more than my thousand.  HARRIET    For that drab thing? ALGY    Some pieces sell on merit, others on sentiment.  The best salesmen are those who find the right customers. HARRIET    How much? BART    As far as you are concerned, it is one thousand pounds, already paid, and an agreement on my client's part not to litigate for false pretenses. HARRIET    No, really, [very warm] Algernon.  How much? ALGY    [melting] I've been offered five thousand, but only with a clear title. HARRIET    [shock] Five? For Great Aunt Ermintrude's "Impressions of a Baltic Lighthouse?" BART    [muttered] A leaning Baltic lighthouse. ALGY    [annoyed]  A Baltic lighthouse a certain colonel recognizes as a place near where he was once stationed in his youth.  A place he used to meet his one true love. HARRIET    [amazed]  Truly? ALGY    So he says, and I was of no mind to disabuse him. HARRIET    Suddenly I have been hit with a terrible guilt complex about having taken such foul advantage of you.  ALGY    Oh really? HARRIET    Such a sentimental streak - I never would have suspected it. ALGY    I hide it well. BART    [snort of laughter turned into cough] HARRIET    I think the best way to handle this is to give you your money back and call it all even. ALGY    Oh, really? HARRIET    Yes.  And, just to show what a good sport I am, I'd - I'd like to make a present of the silly thing to your friend -um- colonel, uh...?  [hinting] ALGY    [breaks down laughing] BART    I fear you've overplayed your hand, young lady. HARRIET    I?  Whatever do you mean? ALGY    You are adorable. HARRIET    [offended] You make it sound as if I was a puppy! ALGY    [still trying to stop laughing] No, no, no.  You are far cleverer than any puppy. HARRIET    I should hope so.  [huff]  I think this is where I should take my leave. ALGY    [suddenly sober]  No.  HARRIET    [wary]  Why? ALGY    There's still the matter of my money. HARRIET    Get it from your colonel! SOUND    A BIT OF A SCUFFLE AS HE STOPS HER FROM LEAVING BART    Here now!  Here now!  I will not have this!  Sit down, both of you! SOUND    THEY BREAK APART WITH A GASP BART    I said sit!  SOUND    CHAIR NOISES SOUND    DRINKS POURED BART    I have the perfect answer to this dilemma, if you will just be quiet and listen. ALGY    He probably does.  He's very clever. HARRIET    I think you both find yourselves too clever by half. ALGY    You fit in quite nicely, then, don't you? BART    How odd.  I distinctly recall-- Did I not say to be quiet?  ALGY    [teasing] We'll be good, papa. HARRIET    Are you planning to mete out justice like old king Solomon? BART    Do you want half a painting?  [beat]  Good.  Now.  The way I see it, your problem, Miss Carter-Nelson, is you wish to preserve your home, and are going about it in this rather nefarious manner.  HARRIET    Well... BART    This is no time for prevarication, miss --Harriet. HARRIET    I am using what little I have to save my home.  Yes.  BART    Very well. HARRIET    And if I happen to take slight advantage over those who otherwise would have taken similar advantage of me-- ALGY    I already told you, Harriet darling, I would never have-- HARRIET    But I couldn't know that, could I? BART    Hush!  [beat]  I swear you bicker like-- well, we'll leave that for the moment.  [chuckles]  And your problem, dear boy, is you would love to get your hands on the lovely old masters this young woman consorts with. HARRIET    [amused] You make it sound quite filthy! ALGY    [quiet] Not the only thing.  [up] Yes.  I would love to be the one to discover such lovely pieces and be able to find them good homes.  Even legitimate ones. BART    Oh, well then - the answer is simple. HARRIET    Oh?  Really? BART    You two should marry. HARRIET    [startled, outraged] What? ALGY    Capital idea.  Was thinking something along those lines myself. HARRIET    oh!  [indignant gasp]  Here! SOUND    PURSE CLICKS OPEN, COUNT OUT MONEY HARRIET    Here is your blasted thousand pounds. SOUND    MONEY TOSSED ON TABLE SOUND    PURSE SNAPPED SHUT HARRIET    [huff] Good day! SOUND    SHE LEAVES, SLAMMING THE DOOR BART    [chuckle] She suits you.  ALGY    [confident] Just a matter of time. BART    Make sure to send along some of the wedding cake, there's a good chap.  THE END ANNOUNCER    [credits]

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Reissue of the Week - Poe-Etic Justice

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 16, 2022 33:36


[Mature themes and violence] A modernization of the story "Hop-Frog" by Edgar Allen Poe, turning it into a 1980s frat house horror movie. A bunch of pranksters find out the joke's on them. Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Frogger - Brian Lomatewama Lydia - Megan Lane Rex - James Turpin Deanna - Chandra Wade Uno - Justin Charles Buzz - Lothar Tuppan Trey - Danar Hoverson Lucky - Cary Ayers June - Kate Waterous Lisa - Melissa Pang Bob - James Sedgwick Fred - Jonathon del Arroz Dora - Melissa Bartell Kathy - Suzanne Dunn Music by Persson (available on Jamendo)  Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Thanks to Glen Hallstrom for sound assistance Cover Design:  Dennis Hager "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a college locker room, in the classic era of frat-house prank films, can't you tell?" ****************************************************************** POE-etic Justice Loosely adapted from the story "Hop-Frog" by Edgar Allen Poe by Julie Hoverson (19nocturne@live.com) Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Frogger Lydia Tripp Deanna Dora Bob, Fred, Kathy, June FRATS: Rex Mason, fraternity head, etc. Uno Buzz Trey Lucky OLIVIA      Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a college campus in the nostalgic era of screwball hijinks films, can't you tell?  MUSIC LYDIA     (Quotes from the original story) I never knew anyone so keenly alive to a joke as the king was. He seemed to live only for joking. To tell a good story of the joke kind, and to tell it well, was the surest road to his favor. Thus it happened that his seven ministers were all noted for their accomplishments as jokers. AMB     LOCKER ROOM UNO     Man!  Did you see the look on his face! BUZZ     Like he'd never seen it bald before. FRATS      [Hearty laugh] TREY     That was you guys?  Oh, man.  FROGGER     [muttered] It's gonna itch. UNO     [less chummy] What? FROGGER     [laughs unconvincingly] When the hair grows back.  It itches like a sonofabitch. TREY, UNO, BUZZ     [chuckle] UNO     [pretend serious] And Frogger would know! TREY, UNO, BUZZ     [laugh hysterically] REX     Cut him some slack, dudes.  Frogger's our pal.  He's a funny guy. MUSIC LYDIA     About the refinements, or, as he called them, the 'ghost' of wit, the king troubled himself very little. He had an especial admiration for breadth in a jest, and would often put up with length, for the sake of it. MUSIC REX     Are they gonna get here soon? BUZZ     If Studs and Lucky got everything right. REX     Cool, then.  This is gonna be a laugh riot. BUZZ     When the froshes come walking into the rooms, each thinking they're gonna "get a little", oh yeah. REX     Got someone with a tapedeck in each bathroom? BUZZ     Too right!  We had to borrow an extra one from Delta pi, but that's cool.  It was Deanna made the tapes anyway. REX     Frogger, what'd you get her to say? FROGGER     [sigh, then, putting on a matching tone]  I gave her this script.  Should be funny as hell. BUZZ     Here!  "oh, good!  You got my note!  I hope you don't mind that I'm a little... kinky.  [laughing and having a hard time reading]  I want you to undress and [collapses] REX     What? BUZZ     Gimme a minute!  [laughing, deep breath] undress and put on my underwear.  It's right there on the bed.  BUZZ and REX     [hysterical fit] REX     Not laughing, Frogger? FROGGER     Just saving it til I see their faces. REX     [agreeing chuckle]  That'll be boss.  Hey, you're into all that educated stuff.  What's up with this Woody Allen guy?  BUZZ     That's that little Jewish nerd, right? REX     This chick I was with last week says he's all hilarious, but I watched this movie - well, some of it, I was mostly macking on another hottie, and it was all like whining. FROGGER     You want the brainhead answer or the real life one? REX     Hit me with the smart one. FROGGER     Woody Allen specializes in observational humor - looking at the angst and neuroses inherent in modern life and stepping aside and commenting on them.  BUZZ     [elaborate yawn] FROGGER     But mostly it is just whining. REX     [laughs]  I knew it! SOUND     DISTANT DOOR OPENS BUZZ     Shh!  Here they come! MUSIC LYDIA     I believe the name 'Hop-Frog' was not that given to the dwarf by his sponsors at baptism, but it was conferred upon him, by general consent of the several ministers. MUSIC AMB     PARTY REX     Grab me a brewski Frogger. FROGGER     No problemo. DEANNA     Why "Frogger"?  I mean, that's not like his real name, right? REX     Duh.  You just gotta see him cross a street sometime.  Freaking funny. DEANNA     Why do keep a little toad like that around?  Did you like lose a bet? REX     Nah.  Frogger's pretty frosty, for a complete nerd.  He comes up with some truly awesome pranks.  DEANNA     He would have to.  Just looking at him is like visual herpes. REX     Nah, the guys like having him around, cuz next to a mini weenie like that, we all look like kielbassas.  Not that I don't look good anyway. DEANNA     [chuckles seductively] Yeah, takes a whole can of vienna sausage to measure up to one ball park frank. REX     Plumps when you get it hot, babe. FROGGER     Your beer.  And a cocktail for you. DEANNA     [cold] Thanks. REX     Cool.  Hop along now, dude.  My term paper is due tomorrow. DEANNA     See, that's where it's so much harder to be a girl than a guy. REX     Why?  DEANNA     No matter how smart she was, I couldn't keep a dog like that around.  We'd get a rep.   MUSIC LYDIA     I am not able to say, with precision, from what country Hop-Frog originally came. It was from some barbarous region, however, that no person ever heard of - a vast distance from the court of our king. Hop-Frog, and a young girl very little less dwarfish than himself, had been forcibly carried off from their homes. MUSIC AMB     OUTSIDE LYDIA     Hiya, Tim! FROGGER     [warm] Hey Lydia. LYDIA     You, um, doing anything tonight? FROGGER     Me?  No.  Did you need some help with something? LYDIA     Me?  No.  I was thinking there's a showing of L'annee Derniere a Marienbad in Culver Hall tonight.  And after what you said about the surrealists [falters] I thought maybe-- FROGGER     Like a date? LYDIA     [backing off]  Maybe.  [covering] Or as friends.  I mean, you don't have to pay or anything. FROGGER     No, no!  I'd love to.  I'm just surprised you'd still speak to me.  LYDIA     Because you hang out with the jackasses?  Nah.  I understand.  I wouldn't mind getting on someone's good side.  FROGGER     [deep] It's not worth it.  Really. LYDIA     But I'm lucky - I don't do anything that makes me a target.  Back in Fulton County, I hated being invisible.  Here, though?  It's a blessing. FROGGER     Even in Fulton, I didn't have much of a choice.  Gotta run now.  Rex is planning a big party for the long weekend.  LYDIA     He needs help? FROGGER      Mostly he just wants people to give him ideas that he can take credit for later. MUSIC LYDIA     The king was sitting at his wine; but the monarch appeared to be in a very ill humor. He knew that Hop-Frog was not fond of wine, for it excited the poor cripple almost to madness; and madness is no comfortable feeling. But the king loved his practical jokes, and took pleasure in forcing Hop-Frog to drink. MUSIC ALL FRATS     Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! FROGGER     [drinking, gasping] REX     Awesome. FROGGER     [coughing] BUZZ     Weenie. ALL FRATS     [laugh] FROGGER     [barely contained anger]  Keep 'em coming. ALL FRATS     [approval] REX     Take a breather, dude.  Mellow out first.  Besides, before you kiss the sky, we need your brain. FROGGER     [breathing deep, trying not to get sick]  What do you expect it to do? ALL      [laugh] REX     We heard that Epsilon Omega is having a toga party. ALL     Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! REX     Shh!  We're pissed we didn't think of it first.  UNO     Very pissed. REX     Since we don't want to look like copycatting dildoes, we need to come up with a better party.  TREY     And quick - it has to be Friday. LUCKY     Their party is Saturday. BUZZ     And it has to be awesome. UNO     And chicks have to be nearly naked. REX     Well? FROGGER     Hmm.  Garden of Eden. BUZZ     We don't want any bible crap-- FROGGER     You wanted less clothes than togas. UNO     That's the dumbest-- REX     Hold on.  Are we talking fig leaves and stuff?  [considering] Hmm... UNO     I ain't gluing nothing to MY Johnson. FROGGER     Paint the bikini? TREY     What? FROGGER     Get a bunch of tempera paint, have everyone arrive in bikinis, lay out a bunch of tarps and paint each other.  REX     You mean paint ON each other, right? FROGGER     Duh.  I would suggest finger painting. REX     [considering] Yeah. FROGGER     And then everyone has to shower off... REX     [up]  Yeah!  That is so boss!  Half naked chicks, AND you get to put your hands all over them.  Frogger, you are the MAN. MUSIC LYDIA     On some grand state occasion-I forgot what-the king determined to have a masquerade.  Hop-Frog, in especial, was so inventive in the way of getting up pageants, suggesting novel characters, and arranging costumes, for masked balls, that nothing could be done, it seems, without his assistance. MUSIC AMB     OUTSIDE LYDIA     Hey Tim! FROGGER     Lydia!  Hey. LYDIA     [amused] Is this your idea? FROGGER      What? SOUND     PAPER FROGGER     "you are cordially invited to a bikini painting party--"  Uh, no.  LYDIA     Hmm.  Well, someone invited me. FROGGER     [up] No!  I mean, don't come.  Those guys are dicks, and-- LYDIA     I wasn't planning to, unless you were asking. FROGGER     Good. LYDIA     I'm not much for drinking - or being around a bunch of drunks. FROGGER     Good! LYDIA     I suppose... I suppose you're kind of stuck there? FROGGER     I have to be there for a while.  Until everyone's drunk enough that I can slip out. LYDIA     Let's meet up later, then.  SOUND     SHE WALKS AWAY LYDIA     [calling back] Maybe I'll even let you paint me. FROGGER     I-- uh-- okay. TREY     Dude.  FROGGER     [gasp of shock] TREY     Nice little number.  I bet you get her out of the glasses and baggy sweater and she's a total fox. FROGGER     [desperately lying]  Nah.  She's got no tits at all.  Just tissue. TREY     Damn.  Chicks are such fakers. FROGGER     [relieved sigh] MUSIC LYDIA     Hereupon the dwarf laughed (the king was too confirmed a joker to object to any one's laughing). Moreover, he avowed his perfect willingness to swallow as much wine as desired. The monarch was pacified. SOUND     PARTY, LOTS OF LAUGHING, DISCO MUSIC REX     Ni-i-ice.  Blondes look good in green. JUNE     [GIGGLES] REX     But are you a natural blonde? JUNE     Only my bikini knows. REX     Maybe it will tell me later... JUNE     [giggles] REX     See ya.  Hey Frogger.  I notice your hands are clean. FROGGER     Just - um- came from the bathroom. REX     Hmm.  Beauty idea about giving each guy a different color and starting a contest to see what girl can get the most colors. FROGGER     Deanna's got quite a rainbow going. REX     Is that a crack? FROGGER     Huh?  No - just admiration. REX     Ah, new guests.  Gotta mingle. LISA     [giggle] Oh, look at you!  Are you someone's little brother? FROGGER     You ever hear the phrase "Say Hello to my leetle friend"? LISA      Yeah? FROGGER     That's me. LISA     [wide-eyed] You said that? FROGGER     [sighs] No that's Scarface.  I'm "the leetle friend". LISA     [giggles] LYDIA     [off, calling]  Oh, there he is! FROGGER     Oh shit.  Excuse me. MUSIC LYDIA     There was a dead silence for about half a minute, during which the falling of a leaf, or of a feather, might have been heard. MUSIC FROGGER     [hurried, whispered] What are you doing here? LYDIA     Didn't you call?  Dora, at the dorm said-- FROGGER     No, I didn't.  You need to get out of here. LYDIA     [puzzled, but laughing]  Why?  It looks kind of fun. FROGGER     [frustrated noise]  No!  They're gonna-- BUZZ     I see someone wearing too much clothes! LYDIA     Huh? LUCKY     Did you bring your bathing suit, foxy lady? FROGGER     She's not here for the party.  It's a mistake. LYDIA     [annoyed] No it's not.  TREY     Is this cuz of what you said about her?     FROGGER     Just drop it.  You gotta go. LYDIA     [sharp] What did you say? FROGGER     Nothing.  C'mon, let's bail. TREY     He said you got no boobs under there. LYDIA     What?  What is wrong with you?  God, Tim, I thought you were my friend. FROGGER     Lydia!  Don't!  I can explain-- TREY     Want to prove him wrong? BUZZ     Of course, if you don't have a suit‑‑ SOUND     RUSTLING LYDIA     Actually, I only have a one-piece. FROGGER     Don't! LYDIA     Chill out. SOUND     RUSTLING AS SHE TAKES OFF HER TOP ALL FRATS     [approving noises] TREY     [walking away] Why don't I start - I am curious.  And I'm yellow. FROGGER     [weak] No... REX     C'mon dude.  Bottoms up. SOUND     RATTLE OF ICE IN GLASS MUSIC LYDIA     Poor fellow! his large eyes gleamed, rather than shone; for the effect of wine on his excitable brain was not more powerful than instantaneous. He placed the goblet nervously on the table, and looked round upon the company with a half-insane stare. They all seemed highly amused at the success of the king's 'joke.' MUSIC SOUND     PAINT SLOSH LYDIA     [laughing uncomfortably] That's cold! TREY     I could warm you up a bit.  Maybe a hot shower.  I'll scrub your back. LYDIA     [uncomfortable] I didn't say stop. TREY     I haven't seen you at one of these before.  What are you, a hermit? LYDIA     Just busy studying. TREY     [suggestive] Do you study... anatomy? LYDIA     I'm an english major. TREY     This--[he's painting on her] is the bicep... LYDIA     Yeah, I know.  TREY     And this-- is the [drawn out] pec-to-ral... LYDIA     [gasp of shock]  I think I'm - out of my depth.  I should go. TREY     Nonsense.  There's seven more colors to go.  Everybody wants to get his hands on you. LYDIA     No. No, look, this was a bad idea. TREY     This-- is the gluteus maximus. LYDIA     Stop! SOUND     SLAPPING NOISE TREY     Oh come on.  You don't want to leave this masterpiece unfinished, do you? LYDIA     Let go of me! REX     [overplayed] OK, what's going on? TREY     Models.  They're so high strung. REX     You should have a drink.  Frogger did. LYDIA     I just want to go. REX     [raising his voice]  Hear that everyone?  She just wants to go. ALL     [everyone laughing] DEANNA     Who does she think she is? ALL     [more laughing, mostly guys] SOUND     POUNDING ON A DOOR FROGGER     [in closet]  Stop!  No! REX     You know, these picnic bottles were a really good idea. SOUND     SQUIRTS PAINT LYDIA     [surprised shriek] ALL     [laugh]       LYDIA     [crying] Stop! REX     Well, being the king, I had her first.  Who's next? BUZZ     I got red, how bout I KETCHUP! [squirting] ALL     [laughing] FROGGER     [in closet]  Nooooo! MUSIC LYDIA     The tyrant seemed quite at a loss what to do or say - how most becomingly to express his indignation. At last, he pushed the girl violently from him, and threw the contents of the brimming goblet in her face. MUSIC SOUND     BREATHING IN A CLOSED SPACE.  OCCASIONAL THUMPS AS FROGGER BEATS HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL; the party has run down SOUND     DOOR OPENS REX     Damn.  Almost forgot about you.  C'mon out.  Everyone's all gone home. SOUND     FROGGER SCRAMBLES TO HIS FEET, THUMP AS HE SLAMS REX AGAINST THE WALL REX     Unh! FROGGER     You bastard!  You sonofabitch! REX     C'mon dude.  It was just a joke.  No big deal. SOUND     DRINKS FROM A BOTTLE REX     Here.  mellow out. SOUND     OFFERS THE BOTTLE FROGGER     No big deal?  You- you--! REX     Have a drink and get frosty, dude.  Or I might forget I have a big paper coming up and that you need fingers if you're gonna write it for me. SOUND     FROGGER SNATCHES THE BOTTLE, DRINKS DEEP REX     There you go.  That's a pal. SOUND     FROGGER THROWS THE BOTTLE ACROSS THE ROOM, BOTTLE SMASHES REX     [laughs heartily]  Yeah!  You cool? FROGGER     [grim, teeth gritted] I'm completely frozen. MUSIC LYDIA     Hop-Frog endeavored, as usual, to get up a jest in reply to these advances from the king; but the effort was too much. MUSIC SOUND     SHOWER RUNNING SOUND     PHONE RINGS, DISTANT, IS PICKED UP DORA     Yello?  [up]  Lydia! LYDIA     [yelling, still upset] I'm in the shower! SOUND     A MOMENT, THEN POUNDING ON THE DOOR DORA     It's that guy you like.  He wants to talk. LYDIA     Tell him to sit on it! MUSIC LYDIA     "The beauty of the game," continued Hop-Frog, "lies in the fright it occasions among the women." MUSIC TREY     Man, he went total meltdown. BUZZ     His eyes were all bugging out. UNO     Gets all squeaky, like a little bitty piggie. REX     Shh,  Here he comes.  [up]  Frogger, my man.  Have a brewski - we need you at the top of your game tonight. FROGGER     Whatever.  [drinks] REX     Jeez, check out Mr. Dickweed.  He needs to mellow out.  Bring on Mr. Cuervo.  SOUND     LIQUID POUR FROGGER      Just tell me what you need. REX     Nuh-uh.  Not until you got a good buzz.  [serious]  Drink. FROGGER     [sighs] MUSIC LYDIA     "What do you mean by that? Ah, I perceive. You are Sulky, and want more wine. Here, drink this!" and the king poured out another goblet full and offered it to the cripple, who merely gazed at it, gasping for breath. MUSIC REX     I don't know how we didn't hear about it sooner, but Epsilon Omega is doing this medival banquet thing - and it's tonight!  It's sposed to be totally off the hook, with jousting and shit. FROGGER     [muttered] Jousting's on horseback. UNO     We gotta DO something!  BUZZ     We gotta get in there and mess with them! LUCKY     Epsilon Omega are such douches, we gotta show em up! REX     But see, they won't let anyone in that ain't in a costume.  YOU need to get us in there. FROGGER     You can't just rent some stuff? UNO     All the shops are sold out! TREY     We're like the only ones on the entire campus that didn't get an invite! LUCKY     The pussies! REX     And we gotta show them up at their own damn game!  So it's got be really really medival.  Come on! UNO     And frogger, man, you're the king of this crap - the bikini painting party was completely the bomb! FROGGER     [grim]  That.  Right.  Pour me another one. MUSIC LYDIA     The monarch was pacified; and having drained another bumper with no very perceptible ill effect, Hop-Frog entered at once, and with spirit, into the plans for the masquerade. MUSIC FROGGER     There is this thing-- BUZZ     Yeah? FROGGER     Something really authentic and medival-- LUCKY     Dude!  Just spit it out! FROGGER     I'm assuming you don't want to be lepers-- TREY     Like the cat?  I'd rather be a tiger. FROGGER     No!  Leper.  Like all grody zombie-looking people. REX     We could do that. FROGGER     But this will be better. REX     Yeah? TREY     Dude, zombies are medival? FROGGER     [sigh]  No.  No zombies.  And it has to be a costume we can put together really fast. REX     Duh.  Party's tonight. FROGGER     Back in the olden days, they had all sorts of weird party stuff they did.  And one of them was something called the eight chained orangutangs.  BUZZ     Orangutangs?  Man they rock!  [makes farting sound]  That's like Clyde in Every which way but loose, eh?  ALL     [start making monkey noises] FROGGER     It does take eight guys, though... REX     No problemo.  There's five of us here, plus Ricky, Finn, and uh - Marco. FROGGER     [dark] Exactly the ones I'd'a suggested. MUSIC LYDIA     "The chains are for the purpose of increasing the confusion by their jangling. You are supposed to have escaped, en masse, from your keepers. Your majesty cannot conceive the effect produced, at a masquerade, by eight chained ourang-outangs!" MUSIC ALL     [making monkey noises] FROGGER     BUT we have to get you dressed up!  Come on! REX     [commanding] Shut up!  Listen to Frogger.  Save the monkey shit for later. LUCKY     Yeah, man - monkeys throw their shit.  We should have something to throw! BUZZ     I'm calling the costume shop. FROGGER     You can't. BUZZ     Who says? FROGGER     You want to be all historical, right? REX     Duh. FROGGER     OK, well they didn't have snazzy costumes way back when. TREY     What did they do? FROGGER     Covered themselves in tar, then rolled in flax. BUZZ     What the hell is flax? FROGGER     Fibers.  Looks like hair. LUCKY     Tar is gross.  It never comes off. FROGGER     You do it OVER clothes.  Like a track suit. TREY     You expect us to get all tarred up and roll around in hair?  You're a complete-- REX     Genius.  We break into the party like this, and those dicks at Epsilon Omega will never be able to live it down. MUSIC LYDIA     The king and his ministers were first encased in tight-fitting stockinet shirts and drawers. They were then saturated with tar. A long chain was now procured. First, it was passed about the waist of the king, and tied, then about another of the party, and also tied; then about all successively, in the same manner, making a circle. MUSIC SOUND     CLANKING, SHUFFLING FEET ALL FRAT     [muffled giggling] SOUND     PASSING A BOTTLE REX     Shh.  Watch out for the post, dumbass!  TREY     There's a buttload of posts in an old warehouse. UNO     Man, it's kind of cold. FROGGER     [dark] Don't worry - you'll be warm later. SOUND     MORE CLANKING FROGGER     I checked out the layout earlier.  They've got a horseshoe of tables surrounding the middle of the room, with knights and wenches and all seated on the outside.  You should go round the outside of the room first, making trouble- TREY     Grabbing chicks - "not my fault!  Orangutans like boobies!" BUZZ     Beep-beep. FROGGER     [exasperated] Yeah.  [up]  But then get to the center of the room, and I'll come in and get the crowd going. REX     Dude, you are truly the man. SOUND     DOOR OPENS, CLANKING STARTS LOUD ALL FRATS     [monkey noises] SOUND     [distant screams] MUSIC LYDIA     The eight ourang-outangs, taking Hop-Frog's advice, waited patiently until midnight before making their appearance. No sooner had the clock ceased striking, however, than they rushed, or rather rolled in, all together-for the impediments of their chains caused most of the party to fall, and all to stumble as they entered. MUSIC SOUND     WALKIE TALKIE NOISE FROGGER     [hushed] Ok, they're in.  Wait for my signal. SOUND     CRACKLE OF STATIC LYDIA     [almost unrecognizable, on air] Gotcha. FROGGER     We've got about five minutes... MUSIC LYDIA     The excitement among the masqueraders was prodigious, and filled the heart of the king with glee. As had been anticipated, there were not a few of the guests who supposed the ferocious-looking creatures to be beasts of some kind in reality, if not precisely ourang-outangs. MUSIC SOUND     [screams, laughing, monkey noises - behind doors] SOUND     DOOR CRASHES OPEN FROGGER     [squeaky british "jester" voice] Good folk! SOUND     [some quieting, ape noises still going on] SOUND     MICROPHONE SQUELCH FROGGER     Good people! SOUND     [quiet] FROGGER     Good people!  I spy beasts in our midst! FRATS     [ape noises] CROWD     [ripple of laughter] FROGGER     they must have escaped from a keeper! REX     Dude, is that my mister microphone? FROGGER     [not on mike] Shh. [on mike, playing it big] It speaks!  Perhaps it is merely a man in a fabulous costume? FRATS     [hooting monkey noises] SOUND     CROWD APPLAUDS FROGGER     Leave them to me!  I fancy I know them.  If I can only get a good look, I can soon tell who they are! SOUND     CHAIN RATTLES FROGGER     Look at these muscles.  If not a beast, then a beast of a man, don't you think? FRATS     [very butch monkey noises] FROGGER     Perhaps there is someone here who can help me identify them.  You, Milady? NOTE     [frogger is using the mike on the people he's talking with, but the frats are just yelling] SOUND     SLOW MACHINE NOISE SNEAKS IN THROUGHOUT, A BIT OF CHAINS, TOO DORA     Me? FROGGER     I think you know that big one in front.  Do you not? LUCKY     [chuckling] Oh, yeah, she knows me.  If you know what I mean. DORA     [furious] He got me drunk and took topless pictures of me, that he posted all over the dorm! LUCKY     What's a dog like her doing at an Epsilon party? DORA     You ... you bastard! FROGGER     That's a big clue, but I still don't quite recognize them.  Maybe you, sir? BOB     [stuttring]  They - all of them - cornered me in the locker room and pelted me with jockstraps! BUZZ     Dude, it was a joke! BOB     Every day?  For a semester!  It wasn't funny! TREY     It was to us. FROGGER     And you, fair maiden? KATHY     [crying]  They tied me up and covered me in dip at one of their parties. UNO     What's so bad about that? KATHY     I got a rash!  And a yeast infection! REX     Okay, we're out of here.  This ain't funny any more. SOUND     CHAINS RATTLE, A COUPLE OF STEPS FRATS     [reaction noises - ugh, hey, whoa! - as they trip, get pulled up short] UNO     What the crap? REX     The chains're caught on something.  Frogger!  Help us out here. FROGGER     [annoucning] How blind they are, eh, gentle folks? SOUND     APPLAUSE MUSIC LYDIA     With the rapidity of thought, he had inserted the hook from which the chandelier had been wont to depend; and, in an instant, by some unseen agency, the chandelier-chain was drawn so far upward as to take the hook out of reach, and, as an inevitable consequence, to drag the ourang-outangs together in close connection. MUSIC SOUND     MORE CHAINS, STRUGGLES BUZZ     We're stuck! REX     The chains got caught on that hook thing!  Can you reach it? TREY     Give me a boost! SOUND     MACHINE NOISE, HOOK RAISING REX     What the crap? UNO     We're chained at the waist, dumbass, how far you think you're gonna get climbing? FROGGER     Little do they know that this party was thrown in their [sour] honor.  Is it not ironic that they were so caught up in their own amusement they didn't recognize a single one of the people they've wronged? REX     You are so dead, you little shitball.  The minute we get out of here, your life will go to hell. FROGGER     My life has been hell, you evil douchbags!  You think I liked being your little funny guy - your jester?  You think I helped you because I thought it was fun?  Every joke I helped with was like ground glass in my soul, and I still feel like I should be hanging up there with you.  [to crowd]  One more notch, and they'll be on tiptoe.  What do you think? CROWD     [roars approval] FROGGER     It's not as funny when you're the butt of the joke, is it? UNO     Dude, just cut it out.  We've learned our lesson, and shit. man. FROGGER     Lets see what the crowd thinks!  CROWD     [booo] FROGGER     Sorry.  Can't let it go just yet.  How about you, milord?  What's your beef? SOUND     HAND OVER THE MIKE NOISE FRED     [not on mike] They're gonna bury us. FROGGER     [not on mike] Not a problem.  C'mon.  Think of it as group therapy. SOUND     MIKE UNCOVERED FRED     [quick, ashamed] They duct taped my - my butt. FROGGER     [sincere] I'm very sorry. SOUND     CROWD SUBDUED APPLAUSE SOUND     ANOTHER CRANK OF CHAIN FRATS     [whoa!  They've been pulled off the ground] MUSIC LYDIA     The jester suddenly uttered a shrill whistle; and the chain flew violently up - dragging with it the dismayed and struggling ourang-outangs, and leaving them suspended in mid-air. MUSIC FROGGER     Ah, ha! I begin to see who these "people" are now!  But it's so dark in here.  Give me a tiki torch, someone. DORA     Here. FRED     Watch out - they'll kick you! FROGGER     They could.  But then they'll start swinging.  It's not fun, hung up by your waist, is it? UNO     You little shit! TREY     Your ass is grass, man. SOUND     STRUGGLING, CHAIN CREAKING, SWINGING FROGGER     [to the crowd]  How many of us have been hung like this - by you, or those like you? CROWD     [agrees] FROGGER     [over elaborate]  Watch out!  Don't swing too close to the fire! SOUND     FIRE CATCHES WITH A WHOOMPH FRATS     [screaming] CROWD     [screams] FROGGER     Whoops! MUSIC LYDIA     "I now see distinctly." he said, "what manner of people these maskers are. They are a great king and his seven privy-councillors, - a king who does not scruple to strike a defenceless girl and his seven councillors who abet him in the outrage. As for myself, I am simply Hop-Frog, the jester-and this is my last jest." MUSIC AMB     OUTSIDE, NIGHT SOUND     DISTANT FIRE TRUCKS LYDIA     I can't even feel sorry for them. FROGGER     Nope. LYDIA     It helps, to know I'm not alone. FROGGER     You should never feel alone.  I'm here. LYDIA     I mean, that they hurt lots of people. FROGGER     [self-loathing] And I helped.  Too many times.  LYDIA     They would have done it anyway. FROGGER     I can't forgive myself. LYDIA     Could I? FROGGER     Could you what? LYDIA     Could I forgive you? FROGGER     [a bit teary] That would be a good start. MUSIC LYDIA     It is supposed that Trippetta, stationed on the roof, had been the accomplice of her friend in his fiery revenge, and that, together, they effected their escape. MUSIC THE END ...

Madison On The Air
Bonus Feature - Women, Gyms & Exercise

Madison On The Air

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 10, 2022 12:24


From not being "ladylike" to "Wellness Trends" to body sculpting to please your husband, women have had society frowning on them breaking a sweat. Madison talks with Julie Hoverson, the voice of the women's gym owner from our Philip Marlowe episode, about a brief history of women and working out. Find us on the web at: MadisonOnTheAir.com

Hubris: A 24-Hour Podcast Project
5.4: Soupy For The Soul

Hubris: A 24-Hour Podcast Project

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 4, 2022 29:47


Round 5, Group 4: The Noodle Soup Incident. Transcript here. In an effort to connect with their overworked partner and baffling metamour, an impulsive chef cooks up a child. Will this be the recipe that brings them all together, or a soupy catastrophe? Content Warnings: child endangerment, and cartoonish animal harm. This episode was written by Elisabeth Nyveen and D.J. Sylvis. It was edited by Julie Hoverson and directed by Rel Pepple. Dialogue editing was done by Colton Flick and sound design by Daniel Young. And this episode was transcribed by Martin Dearden. This episode stars Elisabeth Nyveen as both Strone and Mini-Strone, Martin Dearden as Chipwick, Daniel Young as Rel, and Colton Flick as the zoo announcer.

Candy Is Yummy
Episode 42, Kuiper episode 1

Candy Is Yummy

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 4, 2022 11:09


Episode 1 of Kuiper, our brand new galactic comedy adventure. The actors were Glenda Villamar, Michael Cuellar, Elli Reads, Jordan Kalina, Chrystal Tang, Lane Pride, Julie Hoverson, Kaiya Birch, & Cindy Terry. The episode was written by Josh Busch. The cool music was by Alan Frijns, Electronic Senses, ArtSlop Flodur, ComaStudio, & Penguinmusic. The audio engineer was Glenda Villamar. Please visit FreeRice.com and play their free games, because the revenue generated from the tiny ads displayed there is used to feed starving people around the world. How amazing is that?! Thanks for listening and we hope you'll listen to our next episode.

Edict Zero - FIS
Edict Zero – FIS – EP604 – “Zugzwang”

Edict Zero - FIS

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 27, 2022


EDICT ZERO – FIS – Season 6 Episode 4 – “Zugzwang” #CREDITS# VOICES: James Keller, Julie Hoverson, Phil Rossi, Russell Gold, Tanja Milojevic, Fiona Thraille, Robert Cudmore, Chris Barnes, David Collins-Rivera, Michael Hudson, Pandora Kew, Jennifer Dixon, Owen McCuen, and Jack Kincaid. EXPANDED VOICE CREDITS “The Captain”________________________ Jack Kincaid Drusilla, The Bishop ________________ Jennifer Dixon […]

The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine
Episode 227: The Final New Episode - Know When To Walk Away, Know When To Run by Rish Outfield

The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 15, 2022 70:52


The day has finally come, folks. It's the final new episode of the Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine. We've been at this for fourteen years, but our production has flagged considerably as the years have gone by. Rather than let the Dunesteef fade away slowly, we thought it would be best to give the old girl a proper burial. So, here we are. First, we bring you a story from Rish Outfield called, "Know When to Walk Away, Know When to Run." An emotionally unstable man goes to a casino with his best friend to soothe his pain from the anniversary of being left at the altar. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned, because not everyone at the poker table is who they seem. After the story is over, Rish and Big talk about a number of things, from the happy things that the podcast brought to their lives, to the future of what you can expect from the two of them. We're going to miss you all, but it doesn't have to be the end. Don't say goodbye, say good journey. Special thanks to Julie Hoverson, Tena Kolokowski, and Bryan Lincoln for lending their voices to the story.

run walk away rish julie hoverson rish outfield bryan lincoln dunesteef
19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - AULD LANG SYNE (parts 1-3 of 6) (Deadeye Kid #5) Reissue of the week

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2022 34:26


A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts.  disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg  (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington -  Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson   No gunshots herald his approach.  No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. ************************************************************* Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND     HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM    Largest town I been near in a good passel of time.  I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW    Will it be safe? LEM    Safe? FANSHAW    I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns.  For ... notoriety's sake. LEM    Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party?  'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory.  FANSHAW    Is it worth the risk? LEM    [shrug noise]  Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW    There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM    [laughs]  Ayup.  I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more.  Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW    [rolling eyes]  Yes, yes. LEM    Sides, I'm outta coffee.  And low on shells.  FANSHAW    [teasing] Heavens.  How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB    IN TOWN SOUND    WALKING ON WOOD LEM    Lotta trade hereabouts.  Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW    Lem!  Soldiers. LEM    [voice low]  Right.  We'll go on over yonder.  [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance.  FANSHAW    I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind.  LEM    Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND    SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW    I say.  Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM    [shrug] Three weeks.  Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW    I'll-- LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW    [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary?  I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM    Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW    [stiff, covering]  Old acquaintance.  Go on ahead! LEM    Right. 3_SALOON SOUND    HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB    SALOON LEM    One here. SOUND    DRINK POURED BARTENDER    There you go. SOUND    COINS SOUND    LEM DRINKS GRISHAM    [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM    [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND    GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER    Something wrong, fella? LEM    [coughing, trying to clear his throat]  Toothache.  Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM    You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER    [sympathetic] Tarnation.  You need it yonked?  Barber can‑‑ LEM    [finally getting clear] No, no.  I kin handle it.  SOUND    COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM    Another.  And sorry about the-- BARTENDER    [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND    MORE COINS LEM    Give me the bottle. GRISHAM    Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER    You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM    Ayup. 4_LISETTE AMB    OUTSIDE LISETTE    [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you!  Mustache and all.  Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW    [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE    Oh, how formal.  Just like at school.  What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW    "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE    And we used to be such chums.  However did you end up here? FANSHAW    I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE    [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that!  You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW    Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE    [not amused any more]  At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW    Jolly good.  Happy you're dead.  Must get along. LISETTE    Don't run off so quickly, Clary!  FANSHAW    [long breath of self-control]  LISETTE    There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages.  FANSHAW    How unfortunate.  Must rush. LISETTE    I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW    [quiet] Bloody hell.  [up]  I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE    I'm sure.  But he replied.  Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW    I-- LISETTE    Oh, just watch your face!  You're trying desperately to come up with a lie!  You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW    Stop calling me that. LISETTE    Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap.  I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend.  FANSHAW    [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB    SALOON SOUND    LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM    I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND    CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM    [low] Sit. GRISHAM    What makes you think I'd sit with you?  You done went and killed me! LEM    That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you.  You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM    I ... drifted. LEM    That's just what's got me hornswoggled.  Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM    Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM    [sigh] SOUND    DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND    PIGS LEM    Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW    That woman - ghost woman. LEM    An old flame? FANSHAW    Nonsense!  We knew each other as ... children.  She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here.  LEM    Spect not.  Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW    [disgusted] Yes... LEM    So?  You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW    Lisette Carmichael.  She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things.  About other people.  She likes to -- LEM    Hold a grudge?  Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW    Aptly put.  Yes.  LEM    You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you?  Leastways not no more. FANSHAW    You might be surprised. LEM    Who's she a-gonna tell?  [realizes] Oh.  FANSHAW    And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my  part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you.  Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM    [after a moment]  Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW    What? LEM    Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW    No.  It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM    [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW    What? LEM    Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW    You would leave?  Over this? LEM    I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return.  SOUND    WALKING IN MUD LEM    Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB    BARN SOUND    TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM    You distract her, I'll get the gear.  Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW    Righty-ho.  SOUND    LEAVES GRISHAM    Running away, eh?  Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM    [sigh]  You're lucky ain't no one about but us.  Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM    You kilt me! LEM    We had it out, fair and square.  I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up]  I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me.  Not on purpose. SOUND    LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM    Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM    I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards.  Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM    Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM    I din't do THAT to you neither.  You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM    [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND    LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM    By shooting the Kid?  You ain't the first. GRISHAM    But you still kilt me. LEM    And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more.  Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me.  Hee-yaw! SOUND    RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW     Lisette? LISETTE    There you are!  Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW    So sorry.  Didn't have much choice.  My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE    Did you make a clean breast of it?  Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say?  FANSHAW    You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did.  LISETTE    So bothered over trifles!  How much people change! FANSHAW    Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you!  Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE    Carmela?  Served her right.  FANSHAW    She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE    She also let herself be compromised!  I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW    Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right?  A champion of truth? LISETTE    Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW    History is replete with-- LISETTE    Oh, spare me.  Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW    Very well.  I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed.  Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE    Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW    [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings.  LISETTE    [outraged] I--?  You--! FANSHAW    Kindly allow me to finish.  There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved.  Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE    No doubt.  I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW    [strange gasp, ending on a laugh]  No, but I think I shall. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING         Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB    OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND    HORSES WALKING LEM    I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW    How odd.  Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM    Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW    And we know the how and why of that.  Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM    How?  And who with?  Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW    Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM    Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW    [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed.  Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself.  LEM    Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW    [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune.  When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM    Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW    [chagrined] Oh.  MUSIC     FOR FLASHBACK NOTE    Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB    SALOON LEM    Gimme two. SOUND    CARDS LEM    [pleased noise]  I'll see you and raise-- SOUND    CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM    [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM    [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER    [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM    Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM    Your call. PLAYER1    [shaky] Um...  I fold. LEM    [chuckles] PATRON1    How can he--? Patron2    Shh! SOUND    HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM    [heavy menace]  You the deadeye kid? LEM    [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards.  Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM    Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND    CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM    [long dramatic sigh]  Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1    [muttered] Uh, yeah.  I'm done.  Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM    Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM    If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER    Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM    You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND    MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM    Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles.  Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND    G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM    Now! LEM    [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER    Uh... certainly. GRISHAM    I'll do it!  I will! SOUND    CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM    Rightchere in front of all these good folks?  And leave the dealer to clean up the mess?  [tsks]  Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC    BACK TO NOW SOUND    HORSES WALKING FANSHAW    Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM    Whazzat? FANSHAW    Shooting someone in the back. LEM    And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over.  Ain't no pride in the easy way.  FANSHAW    Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM    It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM    Are you stepping? LEM    What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes?  Milk?  [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM    [furious noise]  I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM    [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you.  SOUND    DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM    Barkeep?  Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND    WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM    You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM    [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW    Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM    What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW    uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM    Rattlin.  Yup.  There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown.  Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW    Why not?  He called you out. LEM    He was halfway round on rotgut.  Not a nugget's chance agin me.  Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW    But you stepped out with him?  Even knowing he had no chance? LEM    A'course.  He wouldn't take no.  Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone.  I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW    [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM    Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you.  And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so.  You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.  That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND    OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM    You ready? LEM    Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow?  I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM    [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM    [duh] Yep.  [beat] That's your sole entire reason?  You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM    No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND    THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND    GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM    And o'course it gots to be a callout.  [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford.  [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM    Come on!  Kick it up, Deadeye!  Less'n yer yellow! SOUND    LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM    [maddenginly cool] Oh.  I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND    TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND    G - BODY DROP SOUND    LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER.  A MOMENT.  FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC    BACK TO NOW FANSHAW     [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM    Have to ice over that pond.  Hard and cold.  Hard and cold. FANSHAW    I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving.  I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM    [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW    But men can behave in a civilized manner!  Look at we Brits. LEM    [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW    Do you enjoy it? LEM    [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW    Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM    Hmmm.  [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM    S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time.  FANSHAW    The thrill of danger? LEM    That, but even more so.  If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs.  This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it.  Kill or be killed.  [beat, then not quite truthful]  Enjoy?  No.  FANSHAW    Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM    I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC    FLASH BACK AMB    INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND    GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN    [gasps] SOUND    [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND    PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM    [voiceover]  there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best.  Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND    BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER    Your shot, Mister. LEM    [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND    Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC    BACK TO NOW LEM    [brisk] It's coming down dusk.  Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW    I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM    Whazzat? FANSHAW    Look - the horizon! LEM    Signal fires, and a lot of em.  Damn. FANSHAW    They're a little far off to get a better look at.  We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM    Someone's gotta warn the town.  Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW    [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM    Not so much that I saw.  They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there.  FANSHAW    [heavy sigh]  Right, then.  SOUND    DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM    You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW    She's neither a lady nor a friend.  But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me.  [change of tone]  We are a couple of hours out. LEM    Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin.  We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND    MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW    [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND    READYING FOR BATTLE LEM    If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER    You've done enough already, stranger.  Ain't even your fight. LEM    I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there.  Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER    I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM    That's fine.  Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND    [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE    And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone.  FANSHAW    [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE    No.  I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to.  [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town.  I'm still not sure how you did that.  Or why you came back. FANSHAW    We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE    Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious.  Fanshaw, dear old chum.  Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW    Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE    [surprised laugh]  Hah!  All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air!  And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW    I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out.  Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it.  We have a job to do. LISETTE    Wait! FANSHAW    [long sigh]  Yes? LISETTE    Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW    I doubt I shall need any.  But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET    Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW    I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET     What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO     By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND    POUNDING LISETTE    Oh heavens!  Not again! MAN    [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND    POUNDING STOPS LISETTE    Try that scene again from the top.  Romeo? FANSHAW    [sigh] Yes? LISETTE    Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET    Oh, I like "him".  So terribly byronic. FANSHAW    I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND    PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY    Sir? LEM    Yeah? SCOTTY    Private Scott.  Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM    [sigh] Right.  You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY    O'course. LEM    Against a person? SCOTTY    Well, against animals. LEM    Right. GRISHAM    Not everyone can be you. LEM    [sighs] SCOTTY    Don't you worry!  I ain't afraid! GRISHAM    This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet.  You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM    You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY    Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM    Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM    Scotty.  Right.  You gotta horse? SCOTTY    Over there. GRISHAM    [rueful] My damn horse.  Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets.  LEM    Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY    Right, sir! GRISHAM    Ain't he a little young?  You should oughtta throw him back. LEM    I'm stuck with him.  And I never kept notches. GRISHAM    That ain't what I heered. LEM    Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM    And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM    [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM    So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM    If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY    Tell me about what?  Injuns?  [certain] I know all about them. LEM    [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB    CRICKETS SOUND    HORSES FANSHAW    They're still out of range.  I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM    Hmm? FANSHAW    I can make out English and Spanish.  Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM    [quiet] Ain't impossible.  Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY    What ain't impossible? LEM    We're gettin close.  Best to go on foot.  SCOTTY    These here horses are my responsibility! LEM    Best you stay and watch'em, then.  FANSHAW    Don't forget the satchel. SOUND    CREAK LEM    Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY    I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin!  I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW    [laughs]  I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND    REMOVING SPURS LEM    Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things.  If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there.  You reckon? SCOTTY    How'll you find us? LEM    I'll find you.  Just be ready.  And don't shoot me. SOUND    QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK    echoey hallway LISETTE    [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW    Carmichael. LISETTE    [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume.  Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW     [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers.  Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE    Perhaps plain trousers, then.  [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW    [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement.  [dismissive] But a costume is a costume.  I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE    [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND    SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM    [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW    I'll have a look round.  SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM    [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM    Ooh!  Scairt you, din't I? LEM    [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM    [smug and evil] Well that's good, then.  Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM    What all do you want? GRISHAM    Apart from you in a pine box?  I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM    Not likely, nope.  How'd you follow us? GRISHAM    What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM    [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND    FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW    Who the devil is this? GRISHAM    Who the devil are you? LEM    What'd ya find out? FANSHAW    A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle.  GRISHAM    What kinda girlie man are ya?  Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW    [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM    Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW    We need to get moving. GRISHAM    I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND    KNIFE FANSHAW    [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND    PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM    [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM    Oooohhhh. FANSHAW    Marquis of Queensbury be damned.  We need to go. GRISHAM    [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND    SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM    What'd you do to him? FANSHAW    I didn't!  I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea?  8_JULIET3 SOUND    TAP ON DOOR LISETTE    Fanshaw? FANSHAW    Come in. LISETTE    I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW    I was considering what I might do with my hair.  To create the right ilusion. LISETTE    That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW    I prefer not.  It looks like an ottoman on my head.  LISETTE    And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW    Whyever not? LISETTE     On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW    [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE    That is the final straw!  Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW    What? LISETTE    That you would take too many liberties.  You are out. FANSHAW    Out? LISETTE    [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND    QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM    [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW    [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM    Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW    I don't see anyone.  Anyone... hostile. SOUND    QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY    [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM    What is--  [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY    They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW    I don't doubt it. SCOTTY    And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW    I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY    And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM    [heavy sigh]  Ayup. CLOSING       Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND    UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM    Good thing I had that with me.   Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND    SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW    Of course. SCOTTY    I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM    I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son.  And you been punished enough. SCOTTY    What do you mean?  They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW    I'll deal with him. LEM    I'll leave you to it.  SCOTTY    What are you doing? LEM    Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns.  You gon' be all right? SOUND    RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW    Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place.  Especially in the dark. SCOTTY    Can't do anything?  What are you talking about?  FANSHAW    Hush, Scotty.  Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND    BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND    MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND    GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM    Where the hell?   [Thunder?]!  Goddam rustlers!  SOUND    MEN WALK BY LEADER    Two horses, two saddles.  I don't like it. SECOND    Guerrero had the kid down before we realized.  But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough.   LEADER    [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND    We're nearly ready.  3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY    [trying not to cry] So that's IT?  I mean this is it?  No nothing left?  No heaven? FANSHAW    There are so many things even I don't understand.  I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY    But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW    Most do.  And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY    And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW    [uncomfortable] Oh, dear.  That is a shame. SCOTTY    What's it like? FANSHAW    [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY     Being with a woman? FANSHAW    Ohhh.... 4_RUNNING LEM    [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND    RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM    [muttered] Dammit.  Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC    FLASHBACK SOUND    NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND    ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS    [yelling, off]  Leastways, there's a good moon!  PIEDMONT    [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS    [off, yelling]  Spread out!  Don't let that traitor get away!  Where's that rope? PIEDMONT    [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND    VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM    [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT    [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW    My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY    Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you?  You been all over the place! FANSHAW    Oh dear.  [up]  I've spent most of my life deep in study.  I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all.  SCOTTY    Me too.  Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW    [after a moment]  Women are.... soft. SCOTTY    [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW    And round.  In places where men aren't. SCOTTY    But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW    [flabbergasted]  What? SCOTTY    You never don't see none of them out of skirts!  Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW    Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men.  Arms, legs, heads - well, one head.  You understand. SCOTTY     [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW    Yes.  Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND    RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT    Shh!  Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM    You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT    There is no call to use such language, boy.  Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM    I should hope I do!  My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT    [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM    [pride] Yup. SOUND    OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS    [outside]  Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM    [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT    But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM    I don't fancy getting whupped.  I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night.  8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW    I was in love.  When I was very young. SCOTTY    Was she really purtty? FANSHAW    [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face.  Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY    You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW    Our parents objected.  They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY    What didja do? FANSHAW    I waited.  I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY    You waited on a rock? FANSHAW    I waited at school.  I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY    What happened? FANSHAW    I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY    Yes? FANSHAW    That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY    She'd gone and -- FANSHAW    My "dearest love" had married another.  Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY    Damn!  Women are right terrible. FANSHAW    Don't fault women, boy.  There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men.  We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND    UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM    They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT    Yes. YOUNG LEM    Why?  What for? PIEDMONT    We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM    You mean the war?  Hmph.  My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT    [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM    [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS    There he is! MAN    Get him! PIEDMONT    [scream] SOUND    SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM    [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT    I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY    You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW    Yes.  We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY    How'd it work? FANSHAW    Work? SCOTTY    I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW    I don't know that I have an answer for you.  I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY    Years?  You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW    We... help people.  And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety.  11_SHOT SOUND    LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT    [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir!  My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take.   YOUNG LEM    [gasp]  Pa? SOUND    GUNSHOT SOUND    TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS    [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW    Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on.  SCOTTY    Business?  I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW    No, no.  For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY    Oh.  I spose that could happen. FANSHAW    Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY    [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW    [cheering]  Or, when the town has been warned.  That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY    [wailing] Oh no!  FANSHAW    Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY    What if it's ladies? FANSHAW    [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY    What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW    [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward.  Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM    [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS    You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM    [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS    Good.  Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND    A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM    [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS    Yup. YOUNG LEM    In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS    Yup.  [beat]  You asking something? YOUNG LEM    What if he'd'a kilt me?  Or what if you did? ROBERTS    [long pause]  Life's hard, boy.  You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM    Oh. SOUND    BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS    Lem?  YOUNG LEM    [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS    [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM    [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY    It ain't fair!  I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW    Life is not fair.  Death even less so.  SCOTTY    I-- FANSHAW    [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer.  SCOTTY    Answer? FANSHAW    Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY    What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW    Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY    Oh.  And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW    What about me? SCOTTY    Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW    Oh.  But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY    No?  Why? FANSHAW    I still have many things to see.  And I feel like I'm doing good here.  There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY    That's crazy talk. FANSHAW    That's why it's a story.  In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY    All right.  Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW    A talking bug, but yes, a bug.  SCOTTY    That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW    True.  [gasp]  Look at the horizon!  I think they are on the move! SCOTTY    Is there something we can do? FANSHAW    This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND    IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER    [commands]  We need more shot at the western boundary!  Get someone over there! SOLDIER    Yessir! SOUND    FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND    DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2    Sir!  Someone's coming!  On foot! COMMANDER    On foot?  SENTRY    [off] Halt! LEM    [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop...  I'm gon fall down...  And I gotta get to...  The commander. SENTRY    Stop, I say! COMMANDER    Let him on through. LEM    They're a-movin.  Deserters 'n comancheros.  Have guns.  COMMANDER    Why are you-- LEM    Kilt Scotty.  Took the horses.  Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND    FALLS DOWN COMMANDER    Are you all right?  [up] Someone get Doc! LEM    I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY    We got to do something! FANSHAW    And just what do you have in mind?  I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem.  By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY    Can't we spook the horses or nothing?  That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW    I was with you the entire trip out from town.  Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY    [really down] No. FANSHAW    If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him.  Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC    Can you get yourself around this? LEM    [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC    [shrug] Mostly brandy.  Medicinal. LEM    [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE     Oh, goodness.  I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend.  LEM    [coughs] DOC    Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM    [hawks, spits, clear throat]  Hits the spot.  LISETTE    [calculating] And not able to walk away.  [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC     The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them.  You up fer it? LEM    Will be... shortly.  Any chance of a mite to eat?  It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY    He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW    We've come across... others.  But they are very rare. SCOTTY    [yelling] I want to DO something!  I want to help! FANSHAW    There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus!  I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY    But I-- GRISHAM    [off]  Will you two shut up?  They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW    Oh dear.  Come along. SCOTTY    Where? FANSHAW    To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND    MEN READY TO GO SOUND    MOUNT UP LEM    [sigh of relief, but also soreness]  COMMANDER    You doing all right, there, feller? LEM    Better saddle than boots.  I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER     Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set.  Least we can do.  Let's go. SOUND    HORSES MOVE OUT LEM    Commander? COMMANDER    Hmm? LEM    Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER    This town is not a good place for that.  Too spread out.  And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM    Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out.  Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER    I like the way you think, hombre.  [up] Company!  [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM    Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND    PUNCH FANSHAW    [casual] shut up. SCOTTY    That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW    Leave him!  [quiet, moving away]  We can't actually be hurt.  But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to.  I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM    [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW    Blast!  He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY    Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW    How? SCOTTY     Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM    Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY    [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM    oof! SCOTTY    Better'n pie!  You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW    Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM    [muttered] Fanshaw?  Damn.  Too far out.  COMMANDER    What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM    Nothing much to speak of.  Some hills.  A ridge off to the north where first we saw them.  No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER    Good.  Cain't let this sort of thing go.  LEM    Course not.  COMMANDER    You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM    Ayup.  Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER    You're sure he's ... dead? LEM    I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER    [sad] That's too bad. LEM    Kin? COMMANDER    Nephew.  LEM    [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER    That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM    [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND    MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW    Looks like about three score.  Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night.  Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC    FLASHBACK AMB    BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY    Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA    Stop calling me that, nanny!  I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY    You'll always be my little bunny bug.  Oh!  Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head?  [gasp of fear]  Did you hurt yourself?  Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA    No!  I am a pirate. NANNY    Do not be so silly.  There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA    Of course there are.  They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY    Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA    Well not just NOW.  When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER    Did you see how big a force they had? LEM    Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought.  At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER    [skeptical] Really? LEM    They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER    [considers, then agrees] No, you don't.  LEM    'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER    [chuckles]  Sound thinking.  [up]  Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND    STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND    SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY    [pleased] You tired yet, feller?  I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM    [tired] You little whippersnapper!  Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW    [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead.  More than he will ever know.  [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1    Hey!  I found something! SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW    [worried] Damn!  Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2    What? SECOND    Silence! RUFFIAN2    [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1    Split it?  Nonsense!  It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND    [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER    [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway.  Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB    Yessir! LEM    If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite.  COMMANDER    You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM    [shrug] Someone's gotta.  'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER    Valuables? LEM    Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER    [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM    [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY    Mister Fanshaw!  That fellow just vanished!  Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW    I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY    Why? FANSHAW    I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag.  Now that it has been found... SCOTTY    Why?  Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW    No.  There's something in there - Oh!  It's moving.  Stay with me as long as you can.  SCOTTY    Why can't I--? FANSHAW    Shh!  [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there.  And you are on the other end. SCOTTY    Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW    Basically, yes.  You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY    [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW    Yes!  [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND    FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA    I am going to be a pirate!  I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY    Stealing is very wicked.  YOUNG CLARA    But you can't be a pirate without stealing!  Then you're just a sailor! NANNY    And young ladies do not become pirates.  Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA    Or nannies. NANNY    [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug.  You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA    I should rather be a nanny.  Mummies are boring.  Nannies have things to do. NANNY    [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA    I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate!  I want to see the world! NANNY    [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA    Then I want to be a boy! END     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND    NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER    Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM    I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER    [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM    If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER    [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM    I kin look after myself.  Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy.  I best get a move on. COMMANDER    One thing. LEM    Yeah? COMMANDER    One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM    [down] Oh. COMMANDER    And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM    I- COMMANDER    [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous.  Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM    [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER    [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM    I kin only do my best. SOUND    WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND    COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER    [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW    Blackguards. RUFFIAN2    [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1    [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2    [whisper]  Heavy is good!  Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1    Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW    Such stimulating conversation.  I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay.  3_TALLYHO SOUND    STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM    Nothin.  [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off.  And ridin. FANSHAW    [distant]  Tally-ho!  LEM    [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW    Halloooooo!  Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM    What the devil?  [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND    RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB    IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM     Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW    [muffled noises] SOUND    STRUGGLING GRISHAM    Oh, no you don't!  SOUND    MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM    I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me.  Long as I ignore it.  But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW    [noise of effort] GRISHAM    [ouch!] Hey!  You bit me!  FANSHAW    Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM    Waitaminute.  [disgusted noise] FANSHAW    [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM    Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid--  [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW    [noise of effort] SOUND    STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM    You're a-- ?  FANSHAW    You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    what the hell?  A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER    He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND    [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER    [commanding, but quiet]  They're coming! SOUND    [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER    [a bit superior]  I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw.  6_PLAN DOS LEADER    Shots? SECOND    Sir? LEADER    Damn.  Someone has seen.  Get El puerco and his fellows.  Tell them plan dos. SECOND    Plan dos, sir? LEADER    They'll circle south and get behind the town.  We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND    Yessir! SOUND    RUNS OFF SCOTTY     [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND    HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW    [distant but closer, yelling] Lem!  That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM    [muttered] Damn.  And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND    HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM    [very quietly] 30...?  Nearer fifty.  That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND    SHOTS!  (where the horses went to) LEM    [muttered to self] hold on.  SOUND    NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM    [muttered] almost... GRISHAM    There you are! LEM    [sharp intake of breath]  That don't work on me twice.  Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM    Oh, that girly friend of your'n?  Funny thing about that-- SOUND    GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM    Good riddance.  And jest in time. SOUND    BEGINS SHOOTING MaN    [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER    [roaring now] Hold the lines!  More shot, boy! BOY    Yessir! MAN    [hit, argh!] COMMANDER    Stay low! FANSHAW    All seems rather well here.  GRISHAM    There you are. FANSHAW    Bloody hell. GRISHAM    [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW    [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND    FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND    COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND    RELOADING SOUND    NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM    That's nine.  SOUND    SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY    [distant, yelling] Someone!  They're circling round!  There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM    Damn.  [listens for a second]  Fanshaw?  Damn.  SCOTTY    [yelling]  Please!  Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM    [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse.  [chuckles]  dead don't get hoarse.  But I gotta get one.  [clucks to horse] SOUND    HORSE BLOWS LEM    [grunts as he swings into the saddle]  Come on. FANSHAW    [a bit distant] Lem? LEM    Wazzat?  There you are! FANSHAW    Close as I can get just now, and can't stay.  That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM    Grisham?  Yeah. FANSHAW    The commander seems to be holding well.  The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM    Good.  Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW    What message? LEM    Just try and tell the boy.  So he can rest hisself.  [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND    HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW    Scotty?  Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER    Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL    Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER    This is no time to be peaceable.  They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND    HORSE APPROACHING LEM    [distant] Commander! COMMANDER    Let him through.  [up, to Lem]  Looks like we've got nearly all of them.  SOUND    GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER    A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND    HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM    [to horse] Whoah!  I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind.  COMMANDER    My god! LEM    Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER    You, boy! BOY    Yessir? COMMANDER    Bring my horse, quickly! LEM    You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER    You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts.  My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM    Sound thinkin.  I have been going a bit. COMMANDER    Corporal? CORPORAL    [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW    Lem?  I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance.  Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND    LEM DISMOUNTS LEM    Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints.  I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL    Excellent!  FANSHAW    I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM    Found you! FANSHAW    Oh, damn!  GRISHAM    You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW    [hits out] GRISHAM    [ungh!] FANSHAW    Have to get him out of here, Lem.  Too distracting. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    [laughs triumphantly]  Coward!  But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM    [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM    What? LEM    You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet.  You hear me? GRISHAM    [all the bluster gone]  Yeah. LEM    Good.  I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND    GUNSHOT LEM    [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND    QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM    Hah!  I still gotcha! LEM    [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up?  CORPORAL    [commanding] Men! SOUND    MORE GUNSHOTS LEM    [groan] SOUND    BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END   NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER    Hold on, there, fellow. LEM    [vague] all's well? COMMANDER    We got em. LEM    My pack? COMMANDER    I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR    Bite down on this.  He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER    I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them.  You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN    Just a little bit of broth, mister.  You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM    [annoyed moan] FANSHAW    You're awake. LEM    [quiet]  Anyone--? FANSHAW    Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM    Good.  I been shot? FANSHAW    At least twice, judging by the bandages.  Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say.  I should have been watching. LEM    [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin.   FANSHAW    [awkward pause, then stiffly]  Should I ...go? LEM    Go?  go where? FANSHAW    [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace.  To rest.  I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM    [straining a bit]  Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW    I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM    [satisfied]  Good. FANSHAW    I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM    Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW    Oh. LEM    Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW    [bracing breath]  Yes. LEM    [exasperated snort]  Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW    Yes. LEM    [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW    So she did--? LEM    [shrug]  Yup.  So? FANSHAW    [surprised] So? LEM    You cain't be the first. FANSHAW    First? LEM    Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW    But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM    Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW    I... don't? LEM    'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants.  FANSHAW    What? END

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - HAUNTING MELODY (parts 4-5 of 5) (Deadeye Kid #4) Reissue of the week

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 21, 2022 20:58


In their first serialized adventure {in 5 parts}, Lem and Fanshaw accompany a "studier of the supernatural" to face something they may never have seen before - a ghost ... or at least a ghost that can affect the "real world". Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson Dr. Sullivan - Michael Coleman  {Tales of the Extraordinary} Mr. Cartland - Reynaud LeBoeuf Emma Cartland - Jacquie Duckworth Melody Heath - Melissa Bartell Red - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Hank - Mark Olson Clyde Wishwell - Bob Noble Mr. Baker - Paul Green  {Encyclopedia of Weird Westerns} Add'l voices by Gene Thorkildsen Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock [Old photos used to make Fanshaw purchased from www.recycledrelatives.com] Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson -------  No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. **************************************************************** Haunting Melody Cast: [opening credits/Olivia] LEMuel Roberts - Spyder Clarence FANSHAW - julie Dr. SULLIVAN - Michael coleman Mr. CARTLAND - Mrs. EMMA Cartland - Jacquie Duckworth MELODY Heath - RED - HANK - CLYDE Wishwell - Bob Noble Mr. Baker, the real expert - Paul Greene OPENER OLD HOSS    No gunshots herald his approach.  No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. CLOSER OLD HOSS    The lonely cowboy cliché, always riding out, heading... yonder.  Join us again in two weeks when he rides back over that far horizon.      MUSIC SOUND     BUCKBOARD, HORSES FANSHAW    [straining] I think I can just make out a structure of some sort. LEM    Not much further now. SULLIVAN    Excellent.  I am in your debt for all your help in getting me out here. LEM    Woulda been a mite easier if'n you were were saddled, stead of carted. Some of these ruts-- SULLIVAN     I've never been much of a horseman.  And this is a fairish wagon.  FANSHAW    Garish, rather. LEM    Well, I reckon it was cheap. SULLIVAN    Oh, yes.  They rented it to me at a very reasonable rate. FANSHAW    Ah, rented.  That explains why he has not repainted over the "Piewacket Players" placard on the side. SULLIVAN    I understand a couple of the actors are - um - incarcerated for some while.  Renting me the wagon and horses saved them board and stowage.  Everyone benefits. FANSHAW    Actually, some of these murals are rather good.  If the players are half as talented as their painter, it might be worth seeking out one of their performances. LEM    [dubious] I reckon. FANSHAW    [musing] King Lear.  Julius Caeser.  Romeo and Juliet.  [chuckles]  They seem to perform a lot of the classics.  Shakespeare. LEM    Mmm. FANSHAW    Did you know that in Shakespeare's day - some 250 years ago - it was illegal for women to perform on the stage? LEM    Hush. FANSHAW    Oh, Lem, do let me impart a little culture for once. LEM    [Annoyed grunt] FANSHAW    Particularly while you cannot argue.  As I was saying, back in the day, all the female parts were played by young men. SULLIVAN    Oh, goodness!  Look at that! LEM    [eager] Whatsat? SULLIVAN    That's an awfully steep hill up ahead.  You think the wagon can manage it? LEM    I reckon so, reverend. SULLIVAN    "Doctor", please.  I prefer it as an honorific. LEM    [puzzled] But you're a "man o' god"? SULLIVAN    And a man of science as well.  I firmly believe that the church cannot simply deny science, but must embrace it, and hand in hand we shall move forward into the next century! LEM    [dubious] A'right then. FANSHAW    Fervent, isn't he? SULLIVAN    Sorry.  I find I must defend myself constantly - both against those who find science and religion incompatible, and against those who pooh-pooh my branch of science entirely. LEM    Oh?  SULLIVAN    [defiant]  I have made a comprehensive study of the existence of ghosts. LEM    [choking back a cough]  OH. FANSHAW    Oh, dear. MUSIC MELODY    [off] [wailing, hysterics] SOUND    DOOR OPENS, WAILING UP CARTLAND    Don't that girl ever shut up? EMMA    Bart!  She swears she's being tormented. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS CARTLAND    Hysteria.  You women can't stop yourselves from being women, but the least you can do is keep quiet when a man wants to think. EMMA    What do you want me to do?  Lock her in a madhouse?  She's my own flesh and blood!  CARTLAND    Your sister is pitching a fit 'cause she ain't getting her own way.  Nothing more. EMMA    But what if it is something more? CARTLAND    I got that well in hand. EMMA    What?  How?  CARTLAND    Don't go questioning me, woman.  Where's my grub? MUSIC SULLIVAN    [pugnacious] Do you, or do you not believe in ghosts? FANSHAW    [short bark of a laugh] LEM    [dry]  I reckon I do. SULLIVAN     Many people believe that the supernatural is somehow at cross-purposes with the bible, but it isn't so.  Ever since Solomon, the wisest men in the good book studied the ways of the supernatural, in order to overcome it. LEM    Solomon.  Izzat the king fellow? FANSHAW    Famous for his wise judgment.  And not cutting up the baby. SULLIVAN    Traditionally, many have always believed that the dead may carry on, side by side with the living, unseen but always present. LEM    Ain't this more of a church question? SULLIVAN    What do you mean? LEM    Well, if you believe folks just hunker down once they passed on, then what you think of heaven? SULLIVAN    I don't believe every soul lingers.  Have you ever heard of Purgatory? FANSHAW    Oh, goodness. LEM    Ain't that a town in Nevada territory? SULLIVAN    In the bible, purgatory is a place where people who are not good enough to go to heaven nor evil enough to go directly to hell are judged. FANSHAW    Which bible, precisely? LEM    Guess I never got that far in bible learnin. SULLIVAN    It is the premise for all my theories that purgatory is not a place, but merely a "state"-- LEM    [playing dumb] Wyoming? [1890] FANSHAW    [grim] Ask him which bible. SULLIVAN    [trying not to get exasperated] --and that spirits that need to be redeemed, or to mend their ways, may in fact be "in purgatory" much like someone could be "in a foul temper" - right next to us. FANSHAW    Balderdash!  Utter rubbish! LEM    Looky there!  That should be the ranch now! MUSIC MELODY    [heavy breathing, end of crying jag] SOUND    TAP ON THE DOOR, DOOR OPENS EMMA    Melody?  Are you feeling a little better? MELODY    [sullen]  I been bit. EMMA    Bit?  By what?  A rat? MELODY    Come and look. EMMA    I'll fetch a lantern. MELODY    No! EMMA    Or open the shutters? MELODY    No!!  They don't like the light!  I kin only open them at night. EMMA    [very upset] oh.  What can I do to help? MELODY    [disheartened]  Nothing.  EMMA    Are you hungry?  There's some good stew. MELODY    I can't.  I just can't. EMMA    Here, show me that bite. MUSIC LEM    [quiet] What's gnawing on you? FANSHAW    I do not consider myself a particularly religious fellow, but if there is one thing I have found quite frustrating about the wide open west it is that so many people simply decide that they are experts on this or that subject, and other people believe them, for lack of any alternatives. LEM    Mm? FANSHAW    He claims to know the bible, but then he goes on about this spiritism nonsense.  And purgatory!  I may not be a divinity scholar but a childhood of churchgoing taught me that that is a catholic conceit, and he's got it wrong anyway.  Purgatory was where souls waited out a period of penance, while their friends and family prayed for their release.  LEM    How'd they know if they got out? FANSHAW    I believe the priests would tell them.  It always smacked of extortion to me. LEM    [laughs]  Well.  How's all this gonna make a damn lick of difference just now? FANSHAW    What?  LEM    Whatever it is he believes - it gonna change the price of oats? FANSHAW    [sigh]  No.  LEM    Good.  That's cleared up, then.  Road's widenin up, and we'll be alongside the wagon agin soon.  MUSIC EMMA    We need to send Melody somewhere.  If only you had let her marry-- CARTLAND    She's 16 - too damn young, and don't know her own mind. EMMA    I know, but if she was away-- CARTLAND    Dammit woman.  You are my wife, and I will not be argued with. EMMA    Of course.  [beat]  Something bit her. CARTLAND    Bit?  Like a snake? EMMA    The marks....um... they looked-- CARTLAND    Oh, just spit it out. EMMA    They looked like they were made by a man! MUSIC SOUND    THEY ARE STOPPED. HORSES, HARNESS, DISMOUNT, ETC. SULLIVAN    Thank you ever so much for helping me to find my way.  I'm not much of an outdoorsman.  Or horseman. FANSHAW    Nor much of a cleric, apparently. LEM    Right happy to help.  Why is it you were comin all the way out here in the first place?  [chuckles] Not to put on a play. SULLIVAN    [chuckles] It is rather a curious wagon, isn't it?  But I am afraid my job here is rather confidential. CARTLAND    [yelling from off] Is that the Reverend?  Get on in here!  SULLIVAN    [dithering] Oh, um I-- LEM    I'll look to your horses.  You get along. SULLIVAN    Excellent.  FANSHAW    I don't like him.  LEM    You don' like his views. FANSHAW    They're gibberish! LEM    'Zat anythin like folderol?  [serious]  Why'n't you go on in and see what brand o' folderol he's spinnin to the good folks inside. FANSHAW    [stiff upper lip] I shall try and keep my temper. LEM    [muttered] Tryin never hurt no one. SOUND    A FEW MOMENTS OF UNHARNASSING, THEN SUDDEN TUSSLE, RED GRABS LEM AND SLAMS HIM INTO THE WALL OF THE BARN SOUND    HORSES ANNOYED, SHYING SOUND    GUN COCKS RED    [snarled] The Deadeye Kid. MUSIC SOUND    FANSHAW ENTERS CARTLAND    --convince her it ain't nothing but temper! EMMA    But the bite! SULLIVAN    A bite?  EMMA    She looks like she was bit, bad. CARTLAND    There's no way anyone could get in there and bite her. SULLIVAN    It isn't unheard of. FANSHAW    A bite? CARTLAND    [suspicious] Really? EMMA    See! SULLIVAN    Manifestations have demonstrated their ability to affect the material world in any number of ways. FANSHAW    [suspicious] Oh.  Do tell? CARTLAND    There's a simple answer for this.  She bit her own damn self.  She pulls one more shenanigan, and I'm taking a strap to the damn girl. EMMA    Never!  Our father wouldn't-- CARTLAND    He shoulda!  If your sister weren't spoiled, we wouldn't have to have this idjit in. SULLIVAN    Sir!  I am well respected in-- CARTLAND    [furious, overbearing] You are here to prove this ain't nothing but women's hysteria and a mulish girl's temper.  EMMA    But if it is something else? FANSHAW    What do you think it may be, I wonder? CARTLAND    Either she's doing this to herself, or she's plumb loco.  Which way do you prefer?  She's your flesh and blood. SOUND    BEHIND DOOR - CRASH MELODY    [screams] [BREAK]   MUSIC RED    What the hell are you doing here? LEM    Do I... know you? RED    Mebbe not, but I know you.  You're the Deadeye Kid. LEM    [resigned] Who'd I kill, that yer so riled about? RED    What in tarnation is wrong with you? LEM    Aside from being slammed up agin a barn, with iron in my face, nuttin comes to mind. RED    I'us there in Carson City.  Five years ago.  Watched you take down Iron John Sandoval. LEM    [after a pause]  And? RED    Saw how fast y'are.  Hmph.  Used to be. LEM    Mmm? RED    [offended]  You din't even see me comin. LEM    My mind was took up with sumpin else. SOUND    HAMMER EASES BACK RED    You should vamoose.  This ain't no place for them as has lost their edge. LEM    You might wanna back off a piece. RED    Whyzzat?  Can't look me in the face and admit you're getting old? LEM    My gun hand's starting to cramp up sumpin fierce, and I cain't ease down til you pull your cohones off'n the barrel.  RED    You - what?  [looking down, gasps] LEM    Right shame to shave your stumps - seein as we're all compadres now. SOUND    BACKS OFF SOUND    HAMMER DOWN, GUN INTO HOLSTER, SLAP ON THE BACK LEM    You look like a man that might could use a drink.  MUSIC SOUND    HORSES, BARN SOUND    FANSHAW ENTERS FANSHAW    I say, Lem?  Are you alone? LEM    Lessen you wanna chat with the hosses. FANSHAW    What do you really think of this fellow? LEM    From yer tone, I'm guessin you mean the reverend - doctor. FANSHAW    Ye-ess. LEM    I figger he's harmless.  Cain't actually know a lick about all's he's talkin about. FANSHAW    Right.  [beat]  Do you ever wonder? LEM    I wonder alla time.  Any particular wonderin yer wonderin about? FANSHAW    About this.  About spirits.  About good and evil. LEM    Never reckoned on em hitched like'at.  FANSHAW    You don't think of ghosts as being somehow inherent wicked? LEM    You havin a crisis of faith?  I reckon jest like with anyone, only you can know if you're evil. FANSHAW    I - well, I don't mean myself, I suppose.  LEM    [teasing]  So you think you're better than e'rbody else. FANSHAW    No.  I don't know.  LEM    What brought all this on? FANSHAW    From what I observed in the house, there may be an argument here for an evil spirit of some sort. LEM    And? FANSHAW    And?  And what?  LEM    Spirits're just as evil or saintly as the folks they used to be.  Don't make no nevermind to no one but me. FANSHAW    I mean an evil spirit with ... powers. LEM    [sure] Ain't no such thing. FANSHAW    Are you so very certain? MUSIC SOUND    OUTSIDE, WALKING LEM    I ain't never seen no spirit could touch nothin in the real world. FANSHAW    Neither have I, but what if there is? LEM    We do whatever we gots to. SOUND    FEET APPROACH RED    [coming in] Kid! LEM    [sigh]  Just Lem, if'n you please. RED    Oh, drat.  Right.  You done with them horses? LEM    Tucked up tight.  You ast about the job? FANSHAW    Job? RED    Mr. Cartland's right happy to have another hand, even if you don't plan on staying fer long.  With all that's been a-going on-- LEM    What all is it that's been a-goin on? FANSHAW    Evil spirits. LEM    Is it what's been drivin off all your help? RED    Come on, let's getcha some grub.  Hank'll be pleased to have someone new to jaw to. MUSIC SOUND    KITCHEN, EATING SOUND    DOOR OPENS HANK    Red. RED    Hank.  This is Lem.  Come in with the doctor fella. LEM    Hank. HANK    You work for the reverend? RED    He's-- LEM    I work fer jest about anyone as needs me.  Doctor needed a guide. RED    Lem's gonna help out round here fer a while. LEM    Long as the doc's on hand, might as well make myself useful. HANK    Did you tell him what's going on?  What cleared us out? RED    Here, have a plate of stew, Lem.  I'm sure Hank can tell it better'n me. HANK    [uncertain] Oh, I--- RED    He actually saw it. LEM    Saw what? HANK    That girl.  She's possessed! LEM    Possessed of what? HANK    No!  Possessed!  Taken over by an evil spirit! LEM    [considering] I don't figger I put much stock in such things.  Ain't no other explanation? HANK    What else could explain how I - I saw a strange light in her window late at night-- LEM    What were you doin' out? HANK    [thrown off] What?  I was - uh - having a smoke. LEM    She a good-lookin' girl?  Apart from whatever travail she's in? HANK    That ain't the point.  I was off a ways and saw a light.  It din't look natural.  So I went closer to see. LEM    How high's this window? HANK    I don't know!  Chest-high, I s'pose.  But I sawr everything!  [yarning]  Right from the first, I was froze to the spot.  Couldn't look away.  In this strange blueish colored light, there was something flyin back and forth across the room-- LEM    A bird? HANK    No!  A cushion or a hat or something - something that had no damn business flyin! LEM    [mild amazement] Oh! HANK    And then I saw the girl herself crawling about the floor like an animal.  LEM    Mebbe she dropped sumpin. HANK    But it weren't natural!  You can explain away one thing after another, but that light won't never look right. LEM    I meant no disrespect, just know how late at night moonlight can be a bit mazy.  Can make things look wrong way round and bigger than life. HANK    Well, this weren't out in the moonlight - it was in her room. LEM    Right.  HANK    You ain't a-scared? LEM    I'm a bit behind when it comes to afearin things.  Got to see sumpin for myself before I can work up to gooseflesh.  Yerself? HANK    I'm pert near hightailing it out of here, I tell you what.  One more night like that and you'll be seeing the back of me. RED    Ain't likely, Hank old hoss.  You relish the tellin of your tall tales too much to miss a chance fer another one. MUSIC CARTLAND    It's pure mulishness, is what it is.  The girl wanted to marry, and I said no. SULLIVAN    You're surely not her father, though? CARTLAND    Father's passed on.  I ain't blood, but I married her sister and that makes me the lawful man of the house and head of this family.  She gots to understand that. EMMA    I still think-- CARTLAND    Regardless of whether she's old enough to marry, I wan't about to let her run off to the damn Wishwells and take half the ranch with her. EMMA    Our father left us even shares. FANSHAW    Hmm.  And that man married yours. SULLIVAN    Ah.  I should talk to the girl, now. MUSIC HANK    Well.  SOUND    SLAPS THIGHS, GETS UP HANK    That hay won't pitch itself.  Care to lend a hand, feller? LEM    Lem.  I-- RED    I need him yet fer a mite.  I'll send him along when we're through. LEM    That's a mighty fine looking belt buckle you got there, Hank.  Turquoise? HANK    Yup.  LEM    And silver.  [musing] Mighty fine. SOUND    WALKS OUT DOOR LEM    Why d'you stay, Red? RED    Been with Mr. Cartland for nigh on 10 years. Since before he married the missus.  Fact is, that was when we came through Carson City. LEM    You friends? RED    Nah, he ain't one fer making friends of the hands.  But he's fair.  Hard, but fair.   LEM    Now tell me.  [a bit humorous] Apart from having the nerve of a grizzly, why ain't you scairt? RED    I plumb don't feel it.  Whatever's a-going on with the girl, it don't hit me here.  You ken? LEM    I reckon. RED    It's like ... play actors.  They can make you like the story, but they cain't never make it real. LEM    Gotta good solid head on them shoulders, Red.  I purpose to find out what all's transpirin here, and if'n yer strapped fer it, I'd shore thank'ee kindly for any help. RED    [admiring] You ain't lost none of yer sand, have ya? LEM    I reckon the wind's just blowin it in the right direction these days. MUSIC SOUND    DOOR CREAKS OPEN SULLIVAN    Young lady?  MELODY    [very tired and small sounding] Who's there? CARTLAND    It's the feller gonna tell you what a liar you been. EMMA    Husband! CARTLAND    Go on then.  Tell her. EMMA    I'll open them shutters. MELODY    No! EMMA     Just a crack!  It's fair dark in here! SOUND    FEET, SHUTTERS SULLIVAN    Sir!  I must insist on being able to interview the girl in relative peace! CARTLAND    I ain't a-stopping you. SULLIVAN    You must be quiet and leave the girl to answer for herself. EMMA    Please! CARTLAND    [somewhat subdued]  Go on. SULLIVAN    Miss Heath, your lady sister has told me some of your symptoms, but I would like to hear them from you.  What is your chief complaint? MELODY    They never let me sleep! FANSHAW    [far corner] Poor girl does look tired. CARTLAND    Nor us out here!  I ain't had a good night through in weeks. SULLIVAN     [sharp] Shh!  [calm]  They?  Who are "they"? MELODY    You won't believe me any more than anyone else does. CARTLAND    Hmph. SULLIVAN    I believe a great many things.  Pray, humor me. MELODY    They come at night, and pinch me.  Pinch my arms and legs - all over!  And one bit me - See here! CARTLAND    You bit your own damn self! MELODY    [whimpers] SULLIVAN    Sir!  Would you be kind enough to leave?  As long as you insist on berating the poor girl, she will never be calm enough to tell me all her troubles. CARTLAND    Fine.  Come on, woman. SOUND    DOOR ROUGHLY OPENS EMMA    Shouldn't I stay?  For decency's sake? CARTLAND    Man's a holy father, even if he is a soft-headed idjet.  Whatcha think he might do? EMMA    I suppose. MELODY    I'll call if I need help! EMMA    You do that. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS MUSIC SOUND    MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH RED    From his yarn, Hank was right about'chere when he saw the lights. LEM    Hard to reckon what this'ud look like in full dark.  What'us the moon like? RED    Middling, round about. LEM    Hmm.  And that'ud be the window? RED    Yup.  Though way Hank tells it, it was full open when he was looking. LEM    [surprised] Oh! RED    What? LEM    Let's fade back a bit.  Don't want anyone to spy us. RED    Why?  Mm?  [sees] Oh! MUSIC [BREAK]   AMB    OUTDOORS FANSHAW    There you are!  I've just witnessed the most appalling-- RED    Did we really see what I think we jest saw? LEM    I'm afeared so.  RED    That varmint!  Taking advantage of a nice-- LEM    She din't look "put out" to me.  Any fired-up on her part weren't the angry kind, if you catch me. FANSHAW    [sarcastic] Oh.  So you saw it too.  How useful am I? LEM    Mighty useful.  [slightly different] To know that sumpin's up with them.  Looked like they knowed each other afore this. RED    I guess you could safely say that. FANSHAW    I tactfully took my leave. SOUND    HOOFBEATS APPROACH RED    Who in tarnation?  Damn!  LEM    What? RED    [heavy import] That's Clyde Wishwell and his boys! MUSIC SOUND    TAP ON DOOR EMMA    Doctor?  Is everything all right in there? SULLIVAN    [within] Yes!  Quite.  SOUND    FOOTSTEPS APPROACH THEIR SIDE OF DOOR SULLIVAN    [within]  I have all I need for the moment. SOUND    DOOR OPENS SULLIVAN    [cautious] Is your husband ...nearby? EMMA    He had to step out. SULLIVAN    [relieved]  Ah. EMMA    I have the guest room ready for you.  Your drover can bunk with the men. SULLIVAN    My--?  Oh, yes.  That fellow.  My guide.  SOUND    STEPS OUT, CLOSES DOOR EMMA    Is she...  Is she going to be all right, sir? SULLIVAN    I think this will take some time, but yes.  I believe she can be saved. EMMA    Saved?  You talk like she's ailing! SULLIVAN    [serious] She is.  It is an ailment of the soul. MUSIC SOUND    GENERAL DISMOUNTING, ETC. CARTLAND    [barely concealed hostility]  Wishwell. WISHWELL    Mr. Cartland.  I hope you don't mind the intrusion? CARTLAND    What do you want? WISHWELL    We found a fellow lost on our property, claims he'us supposed to be coming here.  We decided to give him an escort. BAKER    [a bit too much swagger]  Yes, yes.  Many thanks.  You may go ahead and leave. WISHWELLS MEN    [annoyed muttering] CARTLAND    Who the devil are you? BAKER    You sent for me.  WISHWELL    He was mighty tight about his business with you, Mr. Cartland.  I'm right curious. BAKER    That is between Mr. Cartland and myself.  Are you waiting around for a reason?  I could-- SOUND    COINS RATTLE WISHWELL    [civility slipping] No need, sir!  I reckon a man does you a good turn, seeing you to your destination, rather than shooting your backside fulla buckshot as a trespasser, he deserves a bit of an explanation! CARTLAND    Yeah.  Explain. BAKER    [exasperated] Very well.  I am the ghost expert you sent away for. MUSIC AMB    OUT BACK LEM    Why'm I all of a sudden smellin a rat? FANSHAW    You mean Sullivan's obvious "familiarity" with young miss Heath? LEM    Biggest rat I seen recently. RED    You think they got somethin "on" between them? LEM    I'm wondrin has anyone actually clapped eyes on the fellow she got her heart pinned to. RED    How'd you hear about that? FANSHAW    Damn! LEM    [calm] I just hear things. RED    Oh.  But it was one of the Wishwells she was a-hankerin after.  FANSHAW    And the Wishwells just rode in.  Perhaps we should go and take a look at the other side of this little chess match. LEM    Lets go get us a look at the Wishwells. RED    Right. FANSHAW    I'll stay in the house - keep an eye on the courting. MUSIC CARTLAND    YOU'RE the expert?  Then who the devil we got inside?  [yelling over his shoulder] Emma! BAKER    [smug] Well, I can't help you there, I'm no clairvoyant - merely a seeker after truth in the field of spiritualism. WISHWELL    [a bit worried] Really?  Hmm. SOUND    DOOR OPENS, EMMA COMES ONTO PORCH EMMA    What is it?  Oh!  Comp'ny! CARTLAND    They ain't compny, they's Wishwells.  Get that city slicker out here.  We got a bit of a branding problem here. BAKER    Are you implying there's someone here claiming to be me? CARTLAND    Someone here's claiming something, but I don't know which of you it might be. SOUND    SWITCH OF PERSPECTIVE, FEET APPROACHING - RED AND LEM BAKER    [off a bit] I have credentials and letters of recommendation. RED    That's Ezekial Wishwell, in the tan hat.  He's a big rancher over t'other side of the valley. LEM    And if one of his marries that Miss, inside- RED    Reckon he'll get his hands on her half of the ranch here. LEM    Hmm. SOUND    FADING BACK TO CARTLAND's POV WISHWELL    You sent off for a ghost hunter, and you cain't even remember his name? CARTLAND    I contacted him through some damn psychical society in the newspaper out of Carson city.  BAKER    Yes.  Precisely.  The "friends in passing". CARTLAND    And it's bad enough I gotta do such a damn fool thing just so's I can put my wife's mind at rest about her damn fool sister-- SOUND    DOOR OPENS, FEET ON PORCH EMMA    Here he is. SULLIVAN    You needed me for something? [FADING BACK TO LEM] WISHWELL    Whatcha gonna do with two of them? SULLIVAN    Two of who? BAKER    Is that the imposter? EMMA    What? RED    It's the doggonest thing I ever heered of! LEM    It's a wonder, sure enough. FANSHAW    They've vacated the - ahem - bedroom.  RED    You think there's gonna be a fight?  Dunno that them two guys would make much of a scrap - that first one's too prissy and citified, and the other's kind of a runt.  But it might be something to see. LEM    I need a chance to palaver. FANSHAW    This might explain the idiotic views of Sullivan - I mean, if he is the imposter. LEM    [muttered] People can be thick as two thumbs and still ain't liars.  Happens all th'time. SOUND    FADING BACK TO CARTLAND RED    Whazzat? LEM    Trying to logic out which might be the one sposed to be here. FANSHAW    Oh, there's the girl! SOUND    BARE FEET ON WOODEN PORCH [argument that runs under above] SULLIVAN    I am an ordained minister, sir, of the church of the holy seekers after truth! BAKER    That hack cabal?  They wouldn't know a phantom from an apparition.  I have trained with the most respectable societies in the British Isles! SULLIVAN    Hidebound stick-in-the-muds! BAKER    Newfangled snot-nosed infants, tampering with forces outside your ken! SULLIVAN    Infants!  I'll have you know-- SOUND    MELODY'S BARE FEET RUN OUT ONTO THE DIRT MELODY    Stop!  Please!  [scream of terror, some thrashing about] CARTLAND    What the devil? SULLIVAN    Quickly, bring some warm tea, and a cold compress, if you have one. EMMA    Yes!  SOUND    SHE DASHES INTO THE HOUSE BAKER    Stay back!  The girl is under attack. WISHWELL    Looks like some kind of fit. CARTLAND    Fit o' temper.  Get up, girl! SOUND    FEET ENTER LEM    Mr. Cartland, might could I drop a word in your ear? CARTLAND    Who the hell are you?  Oh, right, you come in with the preacher - maybe preacher. LEM    Something you need to know. FANSHAW    Are you planning to tell him about the assignation?  He'll do something terrible to that poor girl - you've seen how beastly he is to her. LEM    I know you're looking after the best interests of your family here. FANSHAW    He threatened to beat her! CARTLAND    I do what I gotta. FANSHAW    Even if she is feigning all of this, surely she doesn't deserve-- LEM    And I can tell you're purt near your wits end. CARTLAND    zat so? LEM    I think you done took more than most men can take, so I don't fault you none for flyin off the handle.  I might could have an answer for all this. CARTLAND    [interested] Really? LEM    Yup.  It was somethin that Sullivan fellow said regarding the bible. CARTLAND    [disbelieving] Really? LEM    Once they get this little dustup sorted, mebbe could I try something?  CARTLAND    What you planning? LEM    I promise you, I don't reckon no one'll get hurt - leastways not bad - but beyond that, can't tell you much or it'll fall flat.  CARTLAND    Is this some of this spiritual hoodoo manure? LEM    Well, let's say I'm gonna connive them into believin it is. CARTLAND    Hmm...  [chuckle]  Go on, then. MUSIC EMMA    She's settled again, but she keeps tossing and a-turning. CARTLAND    [calmer]  If I'm right, and she's just doing this all out of pique, what do you think should be done?  You really think us going on and giving in is gonna make everything all right? EMMA    Me?  I--  but it's too drastic to be-- CARTLAND    I ain't asking if you think she's making it all up, just what you reckon we should oughtta do if she is. EMMA    Oh.  [pacing]  Well.  It's a terrible thing she's doing - if she's doing it.  But it can't be easy on her, either.  All them hurts she's took. CARTLAND    Lotta effort to make you feel sorry for her. EMMA    If she's faking, then wouldn't the reverend know it? CARTLAND    Stick to the question at hand. EMMA    You're much less riled than you been in days - do you know something? CARTLAND    With two doctor types on hand, how can I not see a light at the end of this here tunnel? EMMA    Oh. CARTLAND    [almost gentle]  I'm waiting. EMMA    I agree - we can't, in good conscience, let her get her way through these kinds of shenanigans - always assuming she's-- CARTLAND    Yes, yes.  We're assuming. EMMA    But what can we do for punishment?  Lock her away?  I couldn't bear that. CARTLAND    What'choo think about schooling? EMMA    What? CARTLAND    Send her off to school - back east or somewheres where rich folks send their girls, and take the cost of the schooling out of her half the ranch.  We'll call it bail. EMMA    It would keep her away from the Wishwells.  And it would get her away from-- CARTLAND    Us?  EMMA    [sigh] Yes. MUSIC LEM    I may not have the booklearnin y'all have, but I did have me a granny who did midwifing and could see and talk to all manner of spirits. SULLIVAN    Really?  How ...rustic BAKER    You should never pooh-pooh the lay folk.  Many have toiled in the fields of the supernatural without even realizing they did. Back home in-- SULLIVAN    Of course, it is only a pity that so often they were seen as enemies of the church and persecuted, rather than embraced and put to good works. FANSHAW    Good gad, they're even worse in harmony. LEM    Well, Granny once told me of a sure cure for a plague of spirits. BAKER    Oh yes? FANSHAW    Watch out, he'll write a monograph on your granny.  Did you really have one? LEM    O'course.  It ain't easy, and it ain't exactly safe.  But when the only other path is being ridden round with spirits all your life, it's sometimes a risk you gots to take. SULLIVAN    Dangerous? LEM    O'course.  You got to make the spirits flee outta the afflicted one, and t'only way to do it is to convince them you're about to kill that person. SULLIVAN    [horrified] KILL? BAKER    That makes a strange sort of sense. LEM    Best ways are violent.  You cain't sneak up behind 'em, since half the convincin has to be that the one what's afflicted gots to believe it.  FANSHAW    Mention the flagellants in the bible.  They used whips to cleanse themselves of-- SULLIVAN    But we can't - that-that poor girl! BAKER    I am not certain I could do it myself, but I would be most interested in observing. LEM    Oh, I can do it.  You two should oughta  make sure no one else gets in the way, though. SULLIVAN    But you wouldn't really hurt her? LEM    I s'pose it depends.  Sometimes, the spirits are figurin you wouldn't really hurt no one, and they hang on for the first hurt or two.  Like them fellas that whip themselves bloody right there in the bible. SULLIVAN    [horrified] Oh no!  I can't let you do that to any poor defenseless woman. LEM    Don't think it's your choice to make, old hoss.  BAKER    As long as she is afflicted, it will have to be dealt with. SULLIVAN    Let me try something else, first!  I might have a way to-- LEM    That's right fine.  We'll come along and observe your way. SULLIVAN    No!  It's -- it has to be performed in total secrecy. LEM    Cain't hide from the spirits, though. FANSHAW    I take the hint. BAKER    You should be grateful for the help. SULLIVAN    Leave me alone for a minute!  I have to - to pray! SOUND    WALKS OFF FAST LEM    [almost a chuckle] BAKER    What got into him? FANSHAW    I think he truly cares for the girl. LEM    A mighty old spirit indeed. MUSIC [BREAK]   EMMA    They're gonna hurt her? CARTLAND    They don't think it will come to much.  Just enough to scare the spirits out of her. EMMA    Melody's my sister - I cain't just let them beat her! CARTLAND    [trying to be comforting] Don't sound like there's any other way they're gonna manage this.  [beat] This feller sounds like he knows what he's doing. EMMA    [incredulous] Sounds like he--?  How can you say that? CARTLAND    [curt]  I will stop him before he does anything too... drastic.  EMMA    You got no fine feelings about seeing her hurt.  You would have-- CARTLAND    [getting annoyed] I'da punished her, yeah.  Now get out my way.  I'm done talkin! MUSIC RED    Lem, over here a minute. LEM    [queit] Yeah? [up]  Mister Baker, why don't you see if the lady of the house might be able to find you a spot to sleep tonight?  BAKER    And that charlatan? LEM    Doctor Sullivan?  You let me handle him.  Oh, and - sunset.  That's the time to deal with ghosts. BAKER    Sunset? LEM    So says my gran. BAKER    Right.  I am quite interested to see how this goes. SOUND    BAKER WALKS OFF LEM    Sorry about that. RED    What are you up to? LEM    Takin a tip from the bible.  You with me? RED    Spect so.  WISHWELL    Could I have a word with you, sir? LEM    [sigh] Spect so. MUSIC SOUND    TAPPING ON WOOD [Sullivan sounds very different, western, rather than citified, and is speaking quietly, to avoid being overheard] SULLIVAN    Melody?  Melody? FANSHAW    Hmph.  Praying indeed.  I would say he's rather old for her, but that moustache doesn't do much to hide a cheek that's barely seen a  razor. SULLIVAN    Please, Mel, honey! SOUND    TEENSY CREAK OPEN MELODY    Wallace?  You shouldn't be out there! FANSHAW    Wallace?  SULLIVAN    I had to come!  Everything's falling apart. MELODY    What do you mean? SULLIVAN    They've got some cockamamie scheme, and sounds like they're planning to hurt you.  Maybe bad. MELODY    Emma'd never let them do that! SULLIVAN    There's enough people here got no patience left, I doubt but that she couldn't stop them.  Can't you turn this? MELODY    It's got away from me!  What can I do? SULLIVAN    Maybe just say you're cured? MELODY    And then what?  That leaves me here with folks that hate me and no chance o'nothin'?  No chance of... us?  I'll die first! SULLIVAN    I'll try and come up with something.  But if it comes down to it, stop them before they hurt you.  Please promise you will! MELODY    [grim] I'll do what I gotta do. MUSIC WISHWELL    What you fixing to do, sir? LEM    Come sunset, I'll take drastic measures to free that girl from her torment. WISHWELL    You sound like you might have to kill her. LEM    I'm sure the reverend - uh - doctor sullivan can speak you best on torment and the afterlife.  He's got a nose fer it. WISHWELL    But what exactly are you planning to do? FANSHAW    Don't turn round.  Sullivan is lurking.  LEM    [sigh]  I hate to see anyone in pain.  But sometimes, ain't no choice.  If'n there's a spirit a-punishin that child, it ain't gon be easy to spook it out.  I may have to shoot her. SOUND    [men - including RED, WISHWELL, react]  LEM    [matter of fact] Don't worry none, though.  I once shot a man eight times - a'purpose - and he din't die.  [shrug] Can't use one hand no more, but apart from that he all healed up jest fine. WISHWELL    [horrified] And Cartland's gonna let you go on and do this? LEM    I get the feeling that if his wife would allow, he'd do it hisself - he's that plumb wore out with the girl. WISHWELL    And what if we all decide to stop you? LEM    I don't see as how it's any of your business. SOUND    GUNS OUT WISHWELL    [sterner] And what if we all decide to stop you? SOUND    SHOTGUN COCKS CARTLAND    [off]  I think mebbe it's time fer you to get along home, then, Wishwell. SOUND    GUNS UP WISHWELL    [forces laugh]  We were just looking out for your best interests, Cartland.  Have you heard?  This here fellow is fixing to shoot your sister. CARTLAND    Well, something's gotta be done with the girl.  FANSHAW    Is he serious, or did you have a chance to warn him? LEM    Glad to see you took my counsel serious, Mr. Cartland. FANSHAW    Ah.  CARTLAND    And now Wishwell, you and your boys can take my counsel - Git! WISHWELL    I'll be telling the sheriff about these goings on.  CARTLAND    You do that.  Sunset's about an hour away - you won't get there and back by then.  And I figure this way.  If my wife's sister can be bit by ghosts, maybe she can get shot by them too.  Ain't no one here gonna say otherwise, once all's said and done. MUSIC SOUND    TAPPING ON SHUTTER MELODY    Wallace? FANSHAW    [explaining] That's Sullivan. SOUND    TAPPING LEM    [indistinguishable grunt] MELODY    Wallace? SOUND    SHUTTER CREAKS OPEN MELODY    Are you-- [gasp of fear!] LEM    You want to talk to me, girl.  And you want to stay quiet. MELODY    My sister is jest in the next room. LEM    I know.  And I ain't askin fer nothin improper.  Cartland's got Sullivan sewed up in argument fer the moment, so I got one chance for you. MELODY    Chance?  Fer what? LEM    Wallace.  You in love with the boy, or jest lookin fer a way out from under your folks? MELODY    We're in love.  LEM    You want him more than you want your share of the ranch? MELODY    [teensy hesitation]  Yes. LEM    And would he and his take you without you had that parcel to offer? MELODY    He would.  LEM    And his pa out there?  Mr. Wishwell? MELODY    [gasp] You know? LEM    I know a lotta things.  F'r'instance, tonight's gonna be an interestin night.  MUSIC FANSHAW    So if they're genuinely in love -- LEM    I think they are.  He's plumb torn up about the chance as she might get hurt.  Mebbe she's not so worried, but she seems true. FANSHAW    Then this is just like Shakespeare - Romeo and juliet.  Families opposed to one another, romance between the younger generation. LEM    'Zat give us any aid with sorting out this rats nest? FANSHAW    Well, they both died.  So I guess not. LEM    Hmm.  Plays. FANSHAW    What are you thinking? LEM    Well... I was playing at solomon.  Threatnin the girl to bring out-- FANSHAW    [realizing] The real-- Yes!  I've got it.  Jolly clever. LEM    I'm thinkin mebbe I got the wrong baby. FANSHAW    The wrong what? MUSIC In house CARTLAND    Can't be long now. EMMA    You won't let him really hurt her, will you? CARTLAND    [gentle] Emma.  He promised he wouldn't.  We have to convince her he would, though.  She gots to believe it. EMMA    Why? CARTLAND    If she's faking, she has to cry off.  If she ain't... well... he says the spirits gotta be convinced she's gonna die, so they'll haveta leave. EMMA    Oh.  I see.  Thank you. CARTLAND    [uncomfortable]   Right.  Just find us one of them schools, woudja? MUSIC OUTSIDE LEM    [talking to a crowd] Much as it pains me to have to do this, um, I reckon there ain't no way to solve this problem til we drive out the spirits here. BAKER    Where is the girl? LEM    She's a coming. SOUND    DOOR OPENS LEM    Speak of the devil. SOUND    SEVERAL PEOPLE WALKING OUT ON WOOD MELODY    Please!  What are you going to do? SULLIVAN    I protest!  I don't think this is safe! LEM    [muttered] We got any other company? FANSHAW    The wishwells never went very far.  Just out of sight, then circled back.  They're behind the barn. LEM    Good. FANSHAW    Red appears to be in his allotted position.  Hank is nowhere to be seen. LEM    Hmph.  [up]  Get on over here miss. MELODY    I'm scared! CARTLAND    It gots to be done. EMMA    Be strong, Melody. FANSHAW    No arguments?  Hmm.  I sense a reconciliation in the family. LEM    Harmony ain't no bad thing. FANSHAW    Rather goes with melody, actually. MELODY     What is it you plan to do? LEM    Gon' drive the evil sprits out.  Need you to stand right here, miss.  Don't move a muscle.  You got me? MELODY    Emma!  I don't want to do this! EMMA    Melody, there ain't no choice.  Not no more. SULLIVAN     I agree with the young lady - I feel this is too dangerous. MELODY    Dangerous?  Wh-what's a-going to happen? CARTLAND    [commanding but not being mean] Stand still, and let the man do his work. LEM    All y'all back on the porch now, if'n you please. SOUND    FEET LEM    Now miss, if you'll hold yerself real still. MELODY    I'll do my best. SOUND    GUNSHOT, HITS WOOD MELODY    [screams!]   [break?] EMMA    Be careful! MELODY    What did you do that for?  LEM    I'm shooting the ghosts.  That's why you gotta hold real still. SOUND    GUNSHOT MELODY     [gasp]  You nearly hit me! FANSHAW    The wishwells are getting closer. LEM    Good. SOUND    THREE GUNSHOTS MELODy    [scream of pain!] EMMA    What's that?  You said you wouldn't hurt her!  Is that blood? LEM    That's jest splinters.  Stay back. SOUND    TWO GUNSHOTS MELODY    [scream] SULLIVAN    Nooooooooo! SOUND    RUNNING FEET, SLOW MO SOUND    GUNSHOT SULLIVAN    [argh!  Death rattle] MELODy    [scream, death rattle] FANSHAW    [dry] Two with one shot.  Oh my. EMMA    [screaming] SOUND    RUNNING FEET LEM    Mr. Cartland, hold your wife.  Mr. Baker? BAKER    [flustered] um, um - yes. LEM    You got any doctoring? BAKER    Yes, yes, of course.  I'll check on them. WISHWELL    [coming roaring in]  Nooo! CARTLAND    What the devil you doing here, Wishwell? LEM    Stay back, there.  Let the doctor do his business. WISHWELL    Wallace!  Damn you, you sidewinder!  You are a dead man! SOUND    GUNS DRAW WISHWELL    You ain't steppin in this time, Cartland! CARTLAND    If I just saw what just happened, you kin have him. LEM    [Unconcerned]  Afore you start throwin lead, mebbe you two should take some of the blame on yerselves. CARTLAND    What? WISHWELL    You can go to blazes! LEM    If you two weren't such prickly porcupines on the subject of them kids getting married, none of this woulda ever happened. CARTLAND    That's who she wanted to marry?  And he's a wishwell? WISHWELL    He's my youngest, you son of a buzzard.  Sent him off back east to school, make a better man of him.  And now all that's ashes. CARTLAND    He ain't a reverend, then? FANSHAW    Goodness, they're a bit slow. LEM    Hush, now!  Now you two can be joined in your misery, like you might have been joined by them kids.  Only damn fool you gotta hate now is me. CARTLAND    He ain't said they're dead.  Doctor? BAKER    [calling] I'm doing what I can. WISHWELL    My son?  Is he still with us? LEM    Hold it. SOUND    GUN COCKS WISHWELL    You stay out my way. SOUND    SHOTGUN RACKED RED    I think you better drop that gun Mr. Wishwell. CARTLAND    I'll go and-- RED    No, sir.  You wait too.  With all due respect. LEM    If them kids survive this, you let em marry? CARTLAND    They're too young.  She is, anyway. [don't forget the bit about sullivan not being as old as the moustasche and beard make him look] WISHWELL    You just don't wanna lose half the ranch. CARTLAND    I got plans for that half the ranch.  I got it planned right up til she comes of age. LEM    Mebbe if they can marry, she can leave you in charge til she comes of age.  Let you carry through your plans. EMMA    None of this matters!  Let me go to my sister! RED    Lem? LEM    Give em sumpin to live for, you two.  Make this up.  Tell them they ain't gotta be dead to be together. WISHWELL    You think that would help? LEM    I been near dead once or twice, and havin hope is a mighty fine thing. EMMA    Bart?  Please let her, Bart!  If you don't care to give Melody some hope, give me some! CARTLAND    If Wishwell agrees that I keep control for five more years. WISHWELL    We're gonna have to set this down in writin. EMMA    There ain't no time fer writing now!   [sharp]  You say it!  Both of you! CARTLAND    Fine.  Melody!  If'n you can hear me, you listen.  I'm telling you, you can marry that... boy.  We got it all worked out at this end. WISHWELL    Wallace?  Fight Wallace!  You idjit, jumping in front of a bullet fer a girl!  But you can have her if you want her.  Izzat good? CARTLAND    You all gonna put down yer guns now? LEM    That sounds fine.  What you'all think? MELODY    [perfectly fine] I think it sounds good.  But I gotta have a real fine dress.  Understand? EMMA    [astonished] Melody?  MELODY    I'm all right. SULLIVAN    We're both just fine. WISHWELL    Well... Damn! CARTLAND    All right, somebody better start explaining. RED    Lem?  Lem? MUSIC SOUND    RIDING SLOWLY LEM    Much as I hate walkin the horses by moonlight-- FANSHAW    I do think it's best to get while the getting is good.  Do you think they will keep their promises? LEM    Got witnesses enough between Baker and Red. FANSHAW    Whatever happened to Hank? LEM    That was probly me - I think I suspected his belt buckle too loudly and he took fright. FANSHAW    Paid to tell a tale? LEM    Ayup. FANSHAW    Solomon to Prince Escalus in one step.  I'm impressed. LEM    What are you jabberin on about? FANSHAW    That back there was Romeo and Juliet, was it not? LEM    Mebbe just a little.  [beat] You ever done any of them plays? FANSHAW    Oh, yes.  School.  LEM    You gotta be the one in the dress?  Like you were sayin?  You got a voice that might could pass. FANSHAW    Oh... [dropping voice as low as possible] No.  Actually, I often was the lead.  I even played romeo.  I was rather good at learning lines.  Of course, someone always had to put on the dress.  Boys and girls do not attend school together - not our sort of boys and girls, anyway. LEM    Seems like puttin a hat on a pig. FANSHAW    No.  It's just "theater." END  

Edict Zero - FIS
Edict Zero – FIS – EP603 – “Ante Bellum”

Edict Zero - FIS

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 19, 2022


EDICT ZERO – FIS – Season 6 Episode 3 – “Ante Bellum” #CREDITS# VOICES: James Keller, Julie Hoverson, Phil Rossi, Russell Gold, Tanja Milojevic, Fiona Thraille, Robert Cudmore, Chris Barnes, Bill Walsh, David Collins-Rivera, Pandora Kew, C. Edward Reed, and Jack Kincaid. EXPANDED VOICE CREDITS Ambassadors _________________________ Jack Kincaid Special Agent Nick Garrett __________ James […]

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - HAUNTING MELODY (parts 1-3 of 5) (Deadeye Kid #4) Reissue of the week

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 14, 2022 36:11


In their first serialized adventure {in 5 parts}, Lem and Fanshaw accompany a "studier of the supernatural" to face something they may never have seen before - a ghost ... or at least a ghost that can affect the "real world". Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson Dr. Sullivan - Michael Coleman  {Tales of the Extraordinary} Mr. Cartland - Reynaud LeBoeuf Emma Cartland - Jacquie Duckworth Melody Heath - Melissa Bartell Red - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Hank - Mark Olson Clyde Wishwell - Bob Noble Mr. Baker - Paul Green  {Encyclopedia of Weird Westerns} Add'l voices by Gene Thorkildsen Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock [Old photos used to make Fanshaw purchased from www.recycledrelatives.com] Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson -------  No gunshots herald his approach. No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. **************************************************************** Haunting Melody Cast: [opening credits/Olivia] LEMuel Roberts - Spyder Clarence FANSHAW - julie Dr. SULLIVAN - Michael coleman Mr. CARTLAND - Mrs. EMMA Cartland - Jacquie Duckworth MELODY Heath - RED - HANK - CLYDE Wishwell - Bob Noble Mr. Baker, the real expert - Paul Greene OPENER OLD HOSS    No gunshots herald his approach.  No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. CLOSER OLD HOSS    The lonely cowboy cliché, always riding out, heading... yonder.  Join us again in two weeks when he rides back over that far horizon.      MUSIC SOUND     BUCKBOARD, HORSES FANSHAW    [straining] I think I can just make out a structure of some sort. LEM    Not much further now. SULLIVAN    Excellent.  I am in your debt for all your help in getting me out here. LEM    Woulda been a mite easier if'n you were were saddled, stead of carted. Some of these ruts-- SULLIVAN     I've never been much of a horseman.  And this is a fairish wagon.  FANSHAW    Garish, rather. LEM    Well, I reckon it was cheap. SULLIVAN    Oh, yes.  They rented it to me at a very reasonable rate. FANSHAW    Ah, rented.  That explains why he has not repainted over the "Piewacket Players" placard on the side. SULLIVAN    I understand a couple of the actors are - um - incarcerated for some while.  Renting me the wagon and horses saved them board and stowage.  Everyone benefits. FANSHAW    Actually, some of these murals are rather good.  If the players are half as talented as their painter, it might be worth seeking out one of their performances. LEM    [dubious] I reckon. FANSHAW    [musing] King Lear.  Julius Caeser.  Romeo and Juliet.  [chuckles]  They seem to perform a lot of the classics.  Shakespeare. LEM    Mmm. FANSHAW    Did you know that in Shakespeare's day - some 250 years ago - it was illegal for women to perform on the stage? LEM    Hush. FANSHAW    Oh, Lem, do let me impart a little culture for once. LEM    [Annoyed grunt] FANSHAW    Particularly while you cannot argue.  As I was saying, back in the day, all the female parts were played by young men. SULLIVAN    Oh, goodness!  Look at that! LEM    [eager] Whatsat? SULLIVAN    That's an awfully steep hill up ahead.  You think the wagon can manage it? LEM    I reckon so, reverend. SULLIVAN    "Doctor", please.  I prefer it as an honorific. LEM    [puzzled] But you're a "man o' god"? SULLIVAN    And a man of science as well.  I firmly believe that the church cannot simply deny science, but must embrace it, and hand in hand we shall move forward into the next century! LEM    [dubious] A'right then. FANSHAW    Fervent, isn't he? SULLIVAN    Sorry.  I find I must defend myself constantly - both against those who find science and religion incompatible, and against those who pooh-pooh my branch of science entirely. LEM    Oh?  SULLIVAN    [defiant]  I have made a comprehensive study of the existence of ghosts. LEM    [choking back a cough]  OH. FANSHAW    Oh, dear. MUSIC MELODY    [off] [wailing, hysterics] SOUND    DOOR OPENS, WAILING UP CARTLAND    Don't that girl ever shut up? EMMA    Bart!  She swears she's being tormented. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS CARTLAND    Hysteria.  You women can't stop yourselves from being women, but the least you can do is keep quiet when a man wants to think. EMMA    What do you want me to do?  Lock her in a madhouse?  She's my own flesh and blood!  CARTLAND    Your sister is pitching a fit 'cause she ain't getting her own way.  Nothing more. EMMA    But what if it is something more? CARTLAND    I got that well in hand. EMMA    What?  How?  CARTLAND    Don't go questioning me, woman.  Where's my grub? MUSIC SULLIVAN    [pugnacious] Do you, or do you not believe in ghosts? FANSHAW    [short bark of a laugh] LEM    [dry]  I reckon I do. SULLIVAN     Many people believe that the supernatural is somehow at cross-purposes with the bible, but it isn't so.  Ever since Solomon, the wisest men in the good book studied the ways of the supernatural, in order to overcome it. LEM    Solomon.  Izzat the king fellow? FANSHAW    Famous for his wise judgment.  And not cutting up the baby. SULLIVAN    Traditionally, many have always believed that the dead may carry on, side by side with the living, unseen but always present. LEM    Ain't this more of a church question? SULLIVAN    What do you mean? LEM    Well, if you believe folks just hunker down once they passed on, then what you think of heaven? SULLIVAN    I don't believe every soul lingers.  Have you ever heard of Purgatory? FANSHAW    Oh, goodness. LEM    Ain't that a town in Nevada territory? SULLIVAN    In the bible, purgatory is a place where people who are not good enough to go to heaven nor evil enough to go directly to hell are judged. FANSHAW    Which bible, precisely? LEM    Guess I never got that far in bible learnin. SULLIVAN    It is the premise for all my theories that purgatory is not a place, but merely a "state"-- LEM    [playing dumb] Wyoming? [1890] FANSHAW    [grim] Ask him which bible. SULLIVAN    [trying not to get exasperated] --and that spirits that need to be redeemed, or to mend their ways, may in fact be "in purgatory" much like someone could be "in a foul temper" - right next to us. FANSHAW    Balderdash!  Utter rubbish! LEM    Looky there!  That should be the ranch now! MUSIC MELODY    [heavy breathing, end of crying jag] SOUND    TAP ON THE DOOR, DOOR OPENS EMMA    Melody?  Are you feeling a little better? MELODY    [sullen]  I been bit. EMMA    Bit?  By what?  A rat? MELODY    Come and look. EMMA    I'll fetch a lantern. MELODY    No! EMMA    Or open the shutters? MELODY    No!!  They don't like the light!  I kin only open them at night. EMMA    [very upset] oh.  What can I do to help? MELODY    [disheartened]  Nothing.  EMMA    Are you hungry?  There's some good stew. MELODY    I can't.  I just can't. EMMA    Here, show me that bite. MUSIC LEM    [quiet] What's gnawing on you? FANSHAW    I do not consider myself a particularly religious fellow, but if there is one thing I have found quite frustrating about the wide open west it is that so many people simply decide that they are experts on this or that subject, and other people believe them, for lack of any alternatives. LEM    Mm? FANSHAW    He claims to know the bible, but then he goes on about this spiritism nonsense.  And purgatory!  I may not be a divinity scholar but a childhood of churchgoing taught me that that is a catholic conceit, and he's got it wrong anyway.  Purgatory was where souls waited out a period of penance, while their friends and family prayed for their release.  LEM    How'd they know if they got out? FANSHAW    I believe the priests would tell them.  It always smacked of extortion to me. LEM    [laughs]  Well.  How's all this gonna make a damn lick of difference just now? FANSHAW    What?  LEM    Whatever it is he believes - it gonna change the price of oats? FANSHAW    [sigh]  No.  LEM    Good.  That's cleared up, then.  Road's widenin up, and we'll be alongside the wagon agin soon.  MUSIC EMMA    We need to send Melody somewhere.  If only you had let her marry-- CARTLAND    She's 16 - too damn young, and don't know her own mind. EMMA    I know, but if she was away-- CARTLAND    Dammit woman.  You are my wife, and I will not be argued with. EMMA    Of course.  [beat]  Something bit her. CARTLAND    Bit?  Like a snake? EMMA    The marks....um... they looked-- CARTLAND    Oh, just spit it out. EMMA    They looked like they were made by a man! MUSIC SOUND    THEY ARE STOPPED. HORSES, HARNESS, DISMOUNT, ETC. SULLIVAN    Thank you ever so much for helping me to find my way.  I'm not much of an outdoorsman.  Or horseman. FANSHAW    Nor much of a cleric, apparently. LEM    Right happy to help.  Why is it you were comin all the way out here in the first place?  [chuckles] Not to put on a play. SULLIVAN    [chuckles] It is rather a curious wagon, isn't it?  But I am afraid my job here is rather confidential. CARTLAND    [yelling from off] Is that the Reverend?  Get on in here!  SULLIVAN    [dithering] Oh, um I-- LEM    I'll look to your horses.  You get along. SULLIVAN    Excellent.  FANSHAW    I don't like him.  LEM    You don' like his views. FANSHAW    They're gibberish! LEM    'Zat anythin like folderol?  [serious]  Why'n't you go on in and see what brand o' folderol he's spinnin to the good folks inside. FANSHAW    [stiff upper lip] I shall try and keep my temper. LEM    [muttered] Tryin never hurt no one. SOUND    A FEW MOMENTS OF UNHARNASSING, THEN SUDDEN TUSSLE, RED GRABS LEM AND SLAMS HIM INTO THE WALL OF THE BARN SOUND    HORSES ANNOYED, SHYING SOUND    GUN COCKS RED    [snarled] The Deadeye Kid. MUSIC SOUND    FANSHAW ENTERS CARTLAND    --convince her it ain't nothing but temper! EMMA    But the bite! SULLIVAN    A bite?  EMMA    She looks like she was bit, bad. CARTLAND    There's no way anyone could get in there and bite her. SULLIVAN    It isn't unheard of. FANSHAW    A bite? CARTLAND    [suspicious] Really? EMMA    See! SULLIVAN    Manifestations have demonstrated their ability to affect the material world in any number of ways. FANSHAW    [suspicious] Oh.  Do tell? CARTLAND    There's a simple answer for this.  She bit her own damn self.  She pulls one more shenanigan, and I'm taking a strap to the damn girl. EMMA    Never!  Our father wouldn't-- CARTLAND    He shoulda!  If your sister weren't spoiled, we wouldn't have to have this idjit in. SULLIVAN    Sir!  I am well respected in-- CARTLAND    [furious, overbearing] You are here to prove this ain't nothing but women's hysteria and a mulish girl's temper.  EMMA    But if it is something else? FANSHAW    What do you think it may be, I wonder? CARTLAND    Either she's doing this to herself, or she's plumb loco.  Which way do you prefer?  She's your flesh and blood. SOUND    BEHIND DOOR - CRASH MELODY    [screams] [BREAK]   MUSIC RED    What the hell are you doing here? LEM    Do I... know you? RED    Mebbe not, but I know you.  You're the Deadeye Kid. LEM    [resigned] Who'd I kill, that yer so riled about? RED    What in tarnation is wrong with you? LEM    Aside from being slammed up agin a barn, with iron in my face, nuttin comes to mind. RED    I'us there in Carson City.  Five years ago.  Watched you take down Iron John Sandoval. LEM    [after a pause]  And? RED    Saw how fast y'are.  Hmph.  Used to be. LEM    Mmm? RED    [offended]  You din't even see me comin. LEM    My mind was took up with sumpin else. SOUND    HAMMER EASES BACK RED    You should vamoose.  This ain't no place for them as has lost their edge. LEM    You might wanna back off a piece. RED    Whyzzat?  Can't look me in the face and admit you're getting old? LEM    My gun hand's starting to cramp up sumpin fierce, and I cain't ease down til you pull your cohones off'n the barrel.  RED    You - what?  [looking down, gasps] LEM    Right shame to shave your stumps - seein as we're all compadres now. SOUND    BACKS OFF SOUND    HAMMER DOWN, GUN INTO HOLSTER, SLAP ON THE BACK LEM    You look like a man that might could use a drink.  MUSIC SOUND    HORSES, BARN SOUND    FANSHAW ENTERS FANSHAW    I say, Lem?  Are you alone? LEM    Lessen you wanna chat with the hosses. FANSHAW    What do you really think of this fellow? LEM    From yer tone, I'm guessin you mean the reverend - doctor. FANSHAW    Ye-ess. LEM    I figger he's harmless.  Cain't actually know a lick about all's he's talkin about. FANSHAW    Right.  [beat]  Do you ever wonder? LEM    I wonder alla time.  Any particular wonderin yer wonderin about? FANSHAW    About this.  About spirits.  About good and evil. LEM    Never reckoned on em hitched like'at.  FANSHAW    You don't think of ghosts as being somehow inherent wicked? LEM    You havin a crisis of faith?  I reckon jest like with anyone, only you can know if you're evil. FANSHAW    I - well, I don't mean myself, I suppose.  LEM    [teasing]  So you think you're better than e'rbody else. FANSHAW    No.  I don't know.  LEM    What brought all this on? FANSHAW    From what I observed in the house, there may be an argument here for an evil spirit of some sort. LEM    And? FANSHAW    And?  And what?  LEM    Spirits're just as evil or saintly as the folks they used to be.  Don't make no nevermind to no one but me. FANSHAW    I mean an evil spirit with ... powers. LEM    [sure] Ain't no such thing. FANSHAW    Are you so very certain? MUSIC SOUND    OUTSIDE, WALKING LEM    I ain't never seen no spirit could touch nothin in the real world. FANSHAW    Neither have I, but what if there is? LEM    We do whatever we gots to. SOUND    FEET APPROACH RED    [coming in] Kid! LEM    [sigh]  Just Lem, if'n you please. RED    Oh, drat.  Right.  You done with them horses? LEM    Tucked up tight.  You ast about the job? FANSHAW    Job? RED    Mr. Cartland's right happy to have another hand, even if you don't plan on staying fer long.  With all that's been a-going on-- LEM    What all is it that's been a-goin on? FANSHAW    Evil spirits. LEM    Is it what's been drivin off all your help? RED    Come on, let's getcha some grub.  Hank'll be pleased to have someone new to jaw to. MUSIC SOUND    KITCHEN, EATING SOUND    DOOR OPENS HANK    Red. RED    Hank.  This is Lem.  Come in with the doctor fella. LEM    Hank. HANK    You work for the reverend? RED    He's-- LEM    I work fer jest about anyone as needs me.  Doctor needed a guide. RED    Lem's gonna help out round here fer a while. LEM    Long as the doc's on hand, might as well make myself useful. HANK    Did you tell him what's going on?  What cleared us out? RED    Here, have a plate of stew, Lem.  I'm sure Hank can tell it better'n me. HANK    [uncertain] Oh, I--- RED    He actually saw it. LEM    Saw what? HANK    That girl.  She's possessed! LEM    Possessed of what? HANK    No!  Possessed!  Taken over by an evil spirit! LEM    [considering] I don't figger I put much stock in such things.  Ain't no other explanation? HANK    What else could explain how I - I saw a strange light in her window late at night-- LEM    What were you doin' out? HANK    [thrown off] What?  I was - uh - having a smoke. LEM    She a good-lookin' girl?  Apart from whatever travail she's in? HANK    That ain't the point.  I was off a ways and saw a light.  It din't look natural.  So I went closer to see. LEM    How high's this window? HANK    I don't know!  Chest-high, I s'pose.  But I sawr everything!  [yarning]  Right from the first, I was froze to the spot.  Couldn't look away.  In this strange blueish colored light, there was something flyin back and forth across the room-- LEM    A bird? HANK    No!  A cushion or a hat or something - something that had no damn business flyin! LEM    [mild amazement] Oh! HANK    And then I saw the girl herself crawling about the floor like an animal.  LEM    Mebbe she dropped sumpin. HANK    But it weren't natural!  You can explain away one thing after another, but that light won't never look right. LEM    I meant no disrespect, just know how late at night moonlight can be a bit mazy.  Can make things look wrong way round and bigger than life. HANK    Well, this weren't out in the moonlight - it was in her room. LEM    Right.  HANK    You ain't a-scared? LEM    I'm a bit behind when it comes to afearin things.  Got to see sumpin for myself before I can work up to gooseflesh.  Yerself? HANK    I'm pert near hightailing it out of here, I tell you what.  One more night like that and you'll be seeing the back of me. RED    Ain't likely, Hank old hoss.  You relish the tellin of your tall tales too much to miss a chance fer another one. MUSIC CARTLAND    It's pure mulishness, is what it is.  The girl wanted to marry, and I said no. SULLIVAN    You're surely not her father, though? CARTLAND    Father's passed on.  I ain't blood, but I married her sister and that makes me the lawful man of the house and head of this family.  She gots to understand that. EMMA    I still think-- CARTLAND    Regardless of whether she's old enough to marry, I wan't about to let her run off to the damn Wishwells and take half the ranch with her. EMMA    Our father left us even shares. FANSHAW    Hmm.  And that man married yours. SULLIVAN    Ah.  I should talk to the girl, now. MUSIC HANK    Well.  SOUND    SLAPS THIGHS, GETS UP HANK    That hay won't pitch itself.  Care to lend a hand, feller? LEM    Lem.  I-- RED    I need him yet fer a mite.  I'll send him along when we're through. LEM    That's a mighty fine looking belt buckle you got there, Hank.  Turquoise? HANK    Yup.  LEM    And silver.  [musing] Mighty fine. SOUND    WALKS OUT DOOR LEM    Why d'you stay, Red? RED    Been with Mr. Cartland for nigh on 10 years. Since before he married the missus.  Fact is, that was when we came through Carson City. LEM    You friends? RED    Nah, he ain't one fer making friends of the hands.  But he's fair.  Hard, but fair.   LEM    Now tell me.  [a bit humorous] Apart from having the nerve of a grizzly, why ain't you scairt? RED    I plumb don't feel it.  Whatever's a-going on with the girl, it don't hit me here.  You ken? LEM    I reckon. RED    It's like ... play actors.  They can make you like the story, but they cain't never make it real. LEM    Gotta good solid head on them shoulders, Red.  I purpose to find out what all's transpirin here, and if'n yer strapped fer it, I'd shore thank'ee kindly for any help. RED    [admiring] You ain't lost none of yer sand, have ya? LEM    I reckon the wind's just blowin it in the right direction these days. MUSIC SOUND    DOOR CREAKS OPEN SULLIVAN    Young lady?  MELODY    [very tired and small sounding] Who's there? CARTLAND    It's the feller gonna tell you what a liar you been. EMMA    Husband! CARTLAND    Go on then.  Tell her. EMMA    I'll open them shutters. MELODY    No! EMMA     Just a crack!  It's fair dark in here! SOUND    FEET, SHUTTERS SULLIVAN    Sir!  I must insist on being able to interview the girl in relative peace! CARTLAND    I ain't a-stopping you. SULLIVAN    You must be quiet and leave the girl to answer for herself. EMMA    Please! CARTLAND    [somewhat subdued]  Go on. SULLIVAN    Miss Heath, your lady sister has told me some of your symptoms, but I would like to hear them from you.  What is your chief complaint? MELODY    They never let me sleep! FANSHAW    [far corner] Poor girl does look tired. CARTLAND    Nor us out here!  I ain't had a good night through in weeks. SULLIVAN     [sharp] Shh!  [calm]  They?  Who are "they"? MELODY    You won't believe me any more than anyone else does. CARTLAND    Hmph. SULLIVAN    I believe a great many things.  Pray, humor me. MELODY    They come at night, and pinch me.  Pinch my arms and legs - all over!  And one bit me - See here! CARTLAND    You bit your own damn self! MELODY    [whimpers] SULLIVAN    Sir!  Would you be kind enough to leave?  As long as you insist on berating the poor girl, she will never be calm enough to tell me all her troubles. CARTLAND    Fine.  Come on, woman. SOUND    DOOR ROUGHLY OPENS EMMA    Shouldn't I stay?  For decency's sake? CARTLAND    Man's a holy father, even if he is a soft-headed idjet.  Whatcha think he might do? EMMA    I suppose. MELODY    I'll call if I need help! EMMA    You do that. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS MUSIC SOUND    MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH RED    From his yarn, Hank was right about'chere when he saw the lights. LEM    Hard to reckon what this'ud look like in full dark.  What'us the moon like? RED    Middling, round about. LEM    Hmm.  And that'ud be the window? RED    Yup.  Though way Hank tells it, it was full open when he was looking. LEM    [surprised] Oh! RED    What? LEM    Let's fade back a bit.  Don't want anyone to spy us. RED    Why?  Mm?  [sees] Oh! MUSIC [BREAK]   AMB    OUTDOORS FANSHAW    There you are!  I've just witnessed the most appalling-- RED    Did we really see what I think we jest saw? LEM    I'm afeared so.  RED    That varmint!  Taking advantage of a nice-- LEM    She din't look "put out" to me.  Any fired-up on her part weren't the angry kind, if you catch me. FANSHAW    [sarcastic] Oh.  So you saw it too.  How useful am I? LEM    Mighty useful.  [slightly different] To know that sumpin's up with them.  Looked like they knowed each other afore this. RED    I guess you could safely say that. FANSHAW    I tactfully took my leave. SOUND    HOOFBEATS APPROACH RED    Who in tarnation?  Damn!  LEM    What? RED    [heavy import] That's Clyde Wishwell and his boys! MUSIC SOUND    TAP ON DOOR EMMA    Doctor?  Is everything all right in there? SULLIVAN    [within] Yes!  Quite.  SOUND    FOOTSTEPS APPROACH THEIR SIDE OF DOOR SULLIVAN    [within]  I have all I need for the moment. SOUND    DOOR OPENS SULLIVAN    [cautious] Is your husband ...nearby? EMMA    He had to step out. SULLIVAN    [relieved]  Ah. EMMA    I have the guest room ready for you.  Your drover can bunk with the men. SULLIVAN    My--?  Oh, yes.  That fellow.  My guide.  SOUND    STEPS OUT, CLOSES DOOR EMMA    Is she...  Is she going to be all right, sir? SULLIVAN    I think this will take some time, but yes.  I believe she can be saved. EMMA    Saved?  You talk like she's ailing! SULLIVAN    [serious] She is.  It is an ailment of the soul. MUSIC SOUND    GENERAL DISMOUNTING, ETC. CARTLAND    [barely concealed hostility]  Wishwell. WISHWELL    Mr. Cartland.  I hope you don't mind the intrusion? CARTLAND    What do you want? WISHWELL    We found a fellow lost on our property, claims he'us supposed to be coming here.  We decided to give him an escort. BAKER    [a bit too much swagger]  Yes, yes.  Many thanks.  You may go ahead and leave. WISHWELLS MEN    [annoyed muttering] CARTLAND    Who the devil are you? BAKER    You sent for me.  WISHWELL    He was mighty tight about his business with you, Mr. Cartland.  I'm right curious. BAKER    That is between Mr. Cartland and myself.  Are you waiting around for a reason?  I could-- SOUND    COINS RATTLE WISHWELL    [civility slipping] No need, sir!  I reckon a man does you a good turn, seeing you to your destination, rather than shooting your backside fulla buckshot as a trespasser, he deserves a bit of an explanation! CARTLAND    Yeah.  Explain. BAKER    [exasperated] Very well.  I am the ghost expert you sent away for. MUSIC AMB    OUT BACK LEM    Why'm I all of a sudden smellin a rat? FANSHAW    You mean Sullivan's obvious "familiarity" with young miss Heath? LEM    Biggest rat I seen recently. RED    You think they got somethin "on" between them? LEM    I'm wondrin has anyone actually clapped eyes on the fellow she got her heart pinned to. RED    How'd you hear about that? FANSHAW    Damn! LEM    [calm] I just hear things. RED    Oh.  But it was one of the Wishwells she was a-hankerin after.  FANSHAW    And the Wishwells just rode in.  Perhaps we should go and take a look at the other side of this little chess match. LEM    Lets go get us a look at the Wishwells. RED    Right. FANSHAW    I'll stay in the house - keep an eye on the courting. MUSIC CARTLAND    YOU'RE the expert?  Then who the devil we got inside?  [yelling over his shoulder] Emma! BAKER    [smug] Well, I can't help you there, I'm no clairvoyant - merely a seeker after truth in the field of spiritualism. WISHWELL    [a bit worried] Really?  Hmm. SOUND    DOOR OPENS, EMMA COMES ONTO PORCH EMMA    What is it?  Oh!  Comp'ny! CARTLAND    They ain't compny, they's Wishwells.  Get that city slicker out here.  We got a bit of a branding problem here. BAKER    Are you implying there's someone here claiming to be me? CARTLAND    Someone here's claiming something, but I don't know which of you it might be. SOUND    SWITCH OF PERSPECTIVE, FEET APPROACHING - RED AND LEM BAKER    [off a bit] I have credentials and letters of recommendation. RED    That's Ezekial Wishwell, in the tan hat.  He's a big rancher over t'other side of the valley. LEM    And if one of his marries that Miss, inside- RED    Reckon he'll get his hands on her half of the ranch here. LEM    Hmm. SOUND    FADING BACK TO CARTLAND's POV WISHWELL    You sent off for a ghost hunter, and you cain't even remember his name? CARTLAND    I contacted him through some damn psychical society in the newspaper out of Carson city.  BAKER    Yes.  Precisely.  The "friends in passing". CARTLAND    And it's bad enough I gotta do such a damn fool thing just so's I can put my wife's mind at rest about her damn fool sister-- SOUND    DOOR OPENS, FEET ON PORCH EMMA    Here he is. SULLIVAN    You needed me for something? [FADING BACK TO LEM] WISHWELL    Whatcha gonna do with two of them? SULLIVAN    Two of who? BAKER    Is that the imposter? EMMA    What? RED    It's the doggonest thing I ever heered of! LEM    It's a wonder, sure enough. FANSHAW    They've vacated the - ahem - bedroom.  RED    You think there's gonna be a fight?  Dunno that them two guys would make much of a scrap - that first one's too prissy and citified, and the other's kind of a runt.  But it might be something to see. LEM    I need a chance to palaver. FANSHAW    This might explain the idiotic views of Sullivan - I mean, if he is the imposter. LEM    [muttered] People can be thick as two thumbs and still ain't liars.  Happens all th'time. SOUND    FADING BACK TO CARTLAND RED    Whazzat? LEM    Trying to logic out which might be the one sposed to be here. FANSHAW    Oh, there's the girl! SOUND    BARE FEET ON WOODEN PORCH [argument that runs under above] SULLIVAN    I am an ordained minister, sir, of the church of the holy seekers after truth! BAKER    That hack cabal?  They wouldn't know a phantom from an apparition.  I have trained with the most respectable societies in the British Isles! SULLIVAN    Hidebound stick-in-the-muds! BAKER    Newfangled snot-nosed infants, tampering with forces outside your ken! SULLIVAN    Infants!  I'll have you know-- SOUND    MELODY'S BARE FEET RUN OUT ONTO THE DIRT MELODY    Stop!  Please!  [scream of terror, some thrashing about] CARTLAND    What the devil? SULLIVAN    Quickly, bring some warm tea, and a cold compress, if you have one. EMMA    Yes!  SOUND    SHE DASHES INTO THE HOUSE BAKER    Stay back!  The girl is under attack. WISHWELL    Looks like some kind of fit. CARTLAND    Fit o' temper.  Get up, girl! SOUND    FEET ENTER LEM    Mr. Cartland, might could I drop a word in your ear? CARTLAND    Who the hell are you?  Oh, right, you come in with the preacher - maybe preacher. LEM    Something you need to know. FANSHAW    Are you planning to tell him about the assignation?  He'll do something terrible to that poor girl - you've seen how beastly he is to her. LEM    I know you're looking after the best interests of your family here. FANSHAW    He threatened to beat her! CARTLAND    I do what I gotta. FANSHAW    Even if she is feigning all of this, surely she doesn't deserve-- LEM    And I can tell you're purt near your wits end. CARTLAND    zat so? LEM    I think you done took more than most men can take, so I don't fault you none for flyin off the handle.  I might could have an answer for all this. CARTLAND    [interested] Really? LEM    Yup.  It was somethin that Sullivan fellow said regarding the bible. CARTLAND    [disbelieving] Really? LEM    Once they get this little dustup sorted, mebbe could I try something?  CARTLAND    What you planning? LEM    I promise you, I don't reckon no one'll get hurt - leastways not bad - but beyond that, can't tell you much or it'll fall flat.  CARTLAND    Is this some of this spiritual hoodoo manure? LEM    Well, let's say I'm gonna connive them into believin it is. CARTLAND    Hmm...  [chuckle]  Go on, then. MUSIC EMMA    She's settled again, but she keeps tossing and a-turning. CARTLAND    [calmer]  If I'm right, and she's just doing this all out of pique, what do you think should be done?  You really think us going on and giving in is gonna make everything all right? EMMA    Me?  I--  but it's too drastic to be-- CARTLAND    I ain't asking if you think she's making it all up, just what you reckon we should oughtta do if she is. EMMA    Oh.  [pacing]  Well.  It's a terrible thing she's doing - if she's doing it.  But it can't be easy on her, either.  All them hurts she's took. CARTLAND    Lotta effort to make you feel sorry for her. EMMA    If she's faking, then wouldn't the reverend know it? CARTLAND    Stick to the question at hand. EMMA    You're much less riled than you been in days - do you know something? CARTLAND    With two doctor types on hand, how can I not see a light at the end of this here tunnel? EMMA    Oh. CARTLAND    [almost gentle]  I'm waiting. EMMA    I agree - we can't, in good conscience, let her get her way through these kinds of shenanigans - always assuming she's-- CARTLAND    Yes, yes.  We're assuming. EMMA    But what can we do for punishment?  Lock her away?  I couldn't bear that. CARTLAND    What'choo think about schooling? EMMA    What? CARTLAND    Send her off to school - back east or somewheres where rich folks send their girls, and take the cost of the schooling out of her half the ranch.  We'll call it bail. EMMA    It would keep her away from the Wishwells.  And it would get her away from-- CARTLAND    Us?  EMMA    [sigh] Yes. MUSIC LEM    I may not have the booklearnin y'all have, but I did have me a granny who did midwifing and could see and talk to all manner of spirits. SULLIVAN    Really?  How ...rustic BAKER    You should never pooh-pooh the lay folk.  Many have toiled in the fields of the supernatural without even realizing they did. Back home in-- SULLIVAN    Of course, it is only a pity that so often they were seen as enemies of the church and persecuted, rather than embraced and put to good works. FANSHAW    Good gad, they're even worse in harmony. LEM    Well, Granny once told me of a sure cure for a plague of spirits. BAKER    Oh yes? FANSHAW    Watch out, he'll write a monograph on your granny.  Did you really have one? LEM    O'course.  It ain't easy, and it ain't exactly safe.  But when the only other path is being ridden round with spirits all your life, it's sometimes a risk you gots to take. SULLIVAN    Dangerous? LEM    O'course.  You got to make the spirits flee outta the afflicted one, and t'only way to do it is to convince them you're about to kill that person. SULLIVAN    [horrified] KILL? BAKER    That makes a strange sort of sense. LEM    Best ways are violent.  You cain't sneak up behind 'em, since half the convincin has to be that the one what's afflicted gots to believe it.  FANSHAW    Mention the flagellants in the bible.  They used whips to cleanse themselves of-- SULLIVAN    But we can't - that-that poor girl! BAKER    I am not certain I could do it myself, but I would be most interested in observing. LEM    Oh, I can do it.  You two should oughta  make sure no one else gets in the way, though. SULLIVAN    But you wouldn't really hurt her? LEM    I s'pose it depends.  Sometimes, the spirits are figurin you wouldn't really hurt no one, and they hang on for the first hurt or two.  Like them fellas that whip themselves bloody right there in the bible. SULLIVAN    [horrified] Oh no!  I can't let you do that to any poor defenseless woman. LEM    Don't think it's your choice to make, old hoss.  BAKER    As long as she is afflicted, it will have to be dealt with. SULLIVAN    Let me try something else, first!  I might have a way to-- LEM    That's right fine.  We'll come along and observe your way. SULLIVAN    No!  It's -- it has to be performed in total secrecy. LEM    Cain't hide from the spirits, though. FANSHAW    I take the hint. BAKER    You should be grateful for the help. SULLIVAN    Leave me alone for a minute!  I have to - to pray! SOUND    WALKS OFF FAST LEM    [almost a chuckle] BAKER    What got into him? FANSHAW    I think he truly cares for the girl. LEM    A mighty old spirit indeed. MUSIC [BREAK]   EMMA    They're gonna hurt her? CARTLAND    They don't think it will come to much.  Just enough to scare the spirits out of her. EMMA    Melody's my sister - I cain't just let them beat her! CARTLAND    [trying to be comforting] Don't sound like there's any other way they're gonna manage this.  [beat] This feller sounds like he knows what he's doing. EMMA    [incredulous] Sounds like he--?  How can you say that? CARTLAND    [curt]  I will stop him before he does anything too... drastic.  EMMA    You got no fine feelings about seeing her hurt.  You would have-- CARTLAND    [getting annoyed] I'da punished her, yeah.  Now get out my way.  I'm done talkin! MUSIC RED    Lem, over here a minute. LEM    [queit] Yeah? [up]  Mister Baker, why don't you see if the lady of the house might be able to find you a spot to sleep tonight?  BAKER    And that charlatan? LEM    Doctor Sullivan?  You let me handle him.  Oh, and - sunset.  That's the time to deal with ghosts. BAKER    Sunset? LEM    So says my gran. BAKER    Right.  I am quite interested to see how this goes. SOUND    BAKER WALKS OFF LEM    Sorry about that. RED    What are you up to? LEM    Takin a tip from the bible.  You with me? RED    Spect so.  WISHWELL    Could I have a word with you, sir? LEM    [sigh] Spect so. MUSIC SOUND    TAPPING ON WOOD [Sullivan sounds very different, western, rather than citified, and is speaking quietly, to avoid being overheard] SULLIVAN    Melody?  Melody? FANSHAW    Hmph.  Praying indeed.  I would say he's rather old for her, but that moustache doesn't do much to hide a cheek that's barely seen a  razor. SULLIVAN    Please, Mel, honey! SOUND    TEENSY CREAK OPEN MELODY    Wallace?  You shouldn't be out there! FANSHAW    Wallace?  SULLIVAN    I had to come!  Everything's falling apart. MELODY    What do you mean? SULLIVAN    They've got some cockamamie scheme, and sounds like they're planning to hurt you.  Maybe bad. MELODY    Emma'd never let them do that! SULLIVAN    There's enough people here got no patience left, I doubt but that she couldn't stop them.  Can't you turn this? MELODY    It's got away from me!  What can I do? SULLIVAN    Maybe just say you're cured? MELODY    And then what?  That leaves me here with folks that hate me and no chance o'nothin'?  No chance of... us?  I'll die first! SULLIVAN    I'll try and come up with something.  But if it comes down to it, stop them before they hurt you.  Please promise you will! MELODY    [grim] I'll do what I gotta do. MUSIC WISHWELL    What you fixing to do, sir? LEM    Come sunset, I'll take drastic measures to free that girl from her torment. WISHWELL    You sound like you might have to kill her. LEM    I'm sure the reverend - uh - doctor sullivan can speak you best on torment and the afterlife.  He's got a nose fer it. WISHWELL    But what exactly are you planning to do? FANSHAW    Don't turn round.  Sullivan is lurking.  LEM    [sigh]  I hate to see anyone in pain.  But sometimes, ain't no choice.  If'n there's a spirit a-punishin that child, it ain't gon be easy to spook it out.  I may have to shoot her. SOUND    [men - including RED, WISHWELL, react]  LEM    [matter of fact] Don't worry none, though.  I once shot a man eight times - a'purpose - and he din't die.  [shrug] Can't use one hand no more, but apart from that he all healed up jest fine. WISHWELL    [horrified] And Cartland's gonna let you go on and do this? LEM    I get the feeling that if his wife would allow, he'd do it hisself - he's that plumb wore out with the girl. WISHWELL    And what if we all decide to stop you? LEM    I don't see as how it's any of your business. SOUND    GUNS OUT WISHWELL    [sterner] And what if we all decide to stop you? SOUND    SHOTGUN COCKS CARTLAND    [off]  I think mebbe it's time fer you to get along home, then, Wishwell. SOUND    GUNS UP WISHWELL    [forces laugh]  We were just looking out for your best interests, Cartland.  Have you heard?  This here fellow is fixing to shoot your sister. CARTLAND    Well, something's gotta be done with the girl.  FANSHAW    Is he serious, or did you have a chance to warn him? LEM    Glad to see you took my counsel serious, Mr. Cartland. FANSHAW    Ah.  CARTLAND    And now Wishwell, you and your boys can take my counsel - Git! WISHWELL    I'll be telling the sheriff about these goings on.  CARTLAND    You do that.  Sunset's about an hour away - you won't get there and back by then.  And I figure this way.  If my wife's sister can be bit by ghosts, maybe she can get shot by them too.  Ain't no one here gonna say otherwise, once all's said and done. MUSIC SOUND    TAPPING ON SHUTTER MELODY    Wallace? FANSHAW    [explaining] That's Sullivan. SOUND    TAPPING LEM    [indistinguishable grunt] MELODY    Wallace? SOUND    SHUTTER CREAKS OPEN MELODY    Are you-- [gasp of fear!] LEM    You want to talk to me, girl.  And you want to stay quiet. MELODY    My sister is jest in the next room. LEM    I know.  And I ain't askin fer nothin improper.  Cartland's got Sullivan sewed up in argument fer the moment, so I got one chance for you. MELODY    Chance?  Fer what? LEM    Wallace.  You in love with the boy, or jest lookin fer a way out from under your folks? MELODY    We're in love.  LEM    You want him more than you want your share of the ranch? MELODY    [teensy hesitation]  Yes. LEM    And would he and his take you without you had that parcel to offer? MELODY    He would.  LEM    And his pa out there?  Mr. Wishwell? MELODY    [gasp] You know? LEM    I know a lotta things.  F'r'instance, tonight's gonna be an interestin night.  MUSIC FANSHAW    So if they're genuinely in love -- LEM    I think they are.  He's plumb torn up about the chance as she might get hurt.  Mebbe she's not so worried, but she seems true. FANSHAW    Then this is just like Shakespeare - Romeo and juliet.  Families opposed to one another, romance between the younger generation. LEM    'Zat give us any aid with sorting out this rats nest? FANSHAW    Well, they both died.  So I guess not. LEM    Hmm.  Plays. FANSHAW    What are you thinking? LEM    Well... I was playing at solomon.  Threatnin the girl to bring out-- FANSHAW    [realizing] The real-- Yes!  I've got it.  Jolly clever. LEM    I'm thinkin mebbe I got the wrong baby. FANSHAW    The wrong what? MUSIC In house CARTLAND    Can't be long now. EMMA    You won't let him really hurt her, will you? CARTLAND    [gentle] Emma.  He promised he wouldn't.  We have to convince her he would, though.  She gots to believe it. EMMA    Why? CARTLAND    If she's faking, she has to cry off.  If she ain't... well... he says the spirits gotta be convinced she's gonna die, so they'll haveta leave. EMMA    Oh.  I see.  Thank you. CARTLAND    [uncomfortable]   Right.  Just find us one of them schools, woudja? MUSIC OUTSIDE LEM    [talking to a crowd] Much as it pains me to have to do this, um, I reckon there ain't no way to solve this problem til we drive out the spirits here. BAKER    Where is the girl? LEM    She's a coming. SOUND    DOOR OPENS LEM    Speak of the devil. SOUND    SEVERAL PEOPLE WALKING OUT ON WOOD MELODY    Please!  What are you going to do? SULLIVAN    I protest!  I don't think this is safe! LEM    [muttered] We got any other company? FANSHAW    The wishwells never went very far.  Just out of sight, then circled back.  They're behind the barn. LEM    Good. FANSHAW    Red appears to be in his allotted position.  Hank is nowhere to be seen. LEM    Hmph.  [up]  Get on over here miss. MELODY    I'm scared! CARTLAND    It gots to be done. EMMA    Be strong, Melody. FANSHAW    No arguments?  Hmm.  I sense a reconciliation in the family. LEM    Harmony ain't no bad thing. FANSHAW    Rather goes with melody, actually. MELODY     What is it you plan to do? LEM    Gon' drive the evil sprits out.  Need you to stand right here, miss.  Don't move a muscle.  You got me? MELODY    Emma!  I don't want to do this! EMMA    Melody, there ain't no choice.  Not no more. SULLIVAN     I agree with the young lady - I feel this is too dangerous. MELODY    Dangerous?  Wh-what's a-going to happen? CARTLAND    [commanding but not being mean] Stand still, and let the man do his work. LEM    All y'all back on the porch now, if'n you please. SOUND    FEET LEM    Now miss, if you'll hold yerself real still. MELODY    I'll do my best. SOUND    GUNSHOT, HITS WOOD MELODY    [screams!]   [break?] EMMA    Be careful! MELODY    What did you do that for?  LEM    I'm shooting the ghosts.  That's why you gotta hold real still. SOUND    GUNSHOT MELODY     [gasp]  You nearly hit me! FANSHAW    The wishwells are getting closer. LEM    Good. SOUND    THREE GUNSHOTS MELODy    [scream of pain!] EMMA    What's that?  You said you wouldn't hurt her!  Is that blood? LEM    That's jest splinters.  Stay back. SOUND    TWO GUNSHOTS MELODY    [scream] SULLIVAN    Nooooooooo! SOUND    RUNNING FEET, SLOW MO SOUND    GUNSHOT SULLIVAN    [argh!  Death rattle] MELODy    [scream, death rattle] FANSHAW    [dry] Two with one shot.  Oh my. EMMA    [screaming] SOUND    RUNNING FEET LEM    Mr. Cartland, hold your wife.  Mr. Baker? BAKER    [flustered] um, um - yes. LEM    You got any doctoring? BAKER    Yes, yes, of course.  I'll check on them. WISHWELL    [coming roaring in]  Nooo! CARTLAND    What the devil you doing here, Wishwell? LEM    Stay back, there.  Let the doctor do his business. WISHWELL    Wallace!  Damn you, you sidewinder!  You are a dead man! SOUND    GUNS DRAW WISHWELL    You ain't steppin in this time, Cartland! CARTLAND    If I just saw what just happened, you kin have him. LEM    [Unconcerned]  Afore you start throwin lead, mebbe you two should take some of the blame on yerselves. CARTLAND    What? WISHWELL    You can go to blazes! LEM    If you two weren't such prickly porcupines on the subject of them kids getting married, none of this woulda ever happened. CARTLAND    That's who she wanted to marry?  And he's a wishwell? WISHWELL    He's my youngest, you son of a buzzard.  Sent him off back east to school, make a better man of him.  And now all that's ashes. CARTLAND    He ain't a reverend, then? FANSHAW    Goodness, they're a bit slow. LEM    Hush, now!  Now you two can be joined in your misery, like you might have been joined by them kids.  Only damn fool you gotta hate now is me. CARTLAND    He ain't said they're dead.  Doctor? BAKER    [calling] I'm doing what I can. WISHWELL    My son?  Is he still with us? LEM    Hold it. SOUND    GUN COCKS WISHWELL    You stay out my way. SOUND    SHOTGUN RACKED RED    I think you better drop that gun Mr. Wishwell. CARTLAND    I'll go and-- RED    No, sir.  You wait too.  With all due respect. LEM    If them kids survive this, you let em marry? CARTLAND    They're too young.  She is, anyway. [don't forget the bit about sullivan not being as old as the moustasche and beard make him look] WISHWELL    You just don't wanna lose half the ranch. CARTLAND    I got plans for that half the ranch.  I got it planned right up til she comes of age. LEM    Mebbe if they can marry, she can leave you in charge til she comes of age.  Let you carry through your plans. EMMA    None of this matters!  Let me go to my sister! RED    Lem? LEM    Give em sumpin to live for, you two.  Make this up.  Tell them they ain't gotta be dead to be together. WISHWELL    You think that would help? LEM    I been near dead once or twice, and havin hope is a mighty fine thing. EMMA    Bart?  Please let her, Bart!  If you don't care to give Melody some hope, give me some! CARTLAND    If Wishwell agrees that I keep control for five more years. WISHWELL    We're gonna have to set this down in writin. EMMA    There ain't no time fer writing now!   [sharp]  You say it!  Both of you! CARTLAND    Fine.  Melody!  If'n you can hear me, you listen.  I'm telling you, you can marry that... boy.  We got it all worked out at this end. WISHWELL    Wallace?  Fight Wallace!  You idjit, jumping in front of a bullet fer a girl!  But you can have her if you want her.  Izzat good? CARTLAND    You all gonna put down yer guns now? LEM    That sounds fine.  What you'all think? MELODY    [perfectly fine] I think it sounds good.  But I gotta have a real fine dress.  Understand? EMMA    [astonished] Melody?  MELODY    I'm all right. SULLIVAN    We're both just fine. WISHWELL    Well... Damn! CARTLAND    All right, somebody better start explaining. RED    Lem?  Lem? MUSIC SOUND    RIDING SLOWLY LEM    Much as I hate walkin the horses by moonlight-- FANSHAW    I do think it's best to get while the getting is good.  Do you think they will keep their promises? LEM    Got witnesses enough between Baker and Red. FANSHAW    Whatever happened to Hank? LEM    That was probly me - I think I suspected his belt buckle too loudly and he took fright. FANSHAW    Paid to tell a tale? LEM    Ayup. FANSHAW    Solomon to Prince Escalus in one step.  I'm impressed. LEM    What are you jabberin on about? FANSHAW    That back there was Romeo and Juliet, was it not? LEM    Mebbe just a little.  [beat] You ever done any of them plays? FANSHAW    Oh, yes.  School.  LEM    You gotta be the one in the dress?  Like you were sayin?  You got a voice that might could pass. FANSHAW    Oh... [dropping voice as low as possible] No.  Actually, I often was the lead.  I even played romeo.  I was rather good at learning lines.  Of course, someone always had to put on the dress.  Boys and girls do not attend school together - not our sort of boys and girls, anyway. LEM    Seems like puttin a hat on a pig. FANSHAW    No.  It's just "theater." END

The OSI Files podcast
FILE 042: THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN - "The Wolf Boy"

The OSI Files podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 10, 2022 131:35


"The Wolf Boy" Airdate: October 12, 1975 Written by Jerry London Directed by Judy Burns Synopsis: Steve travels into the wild with his friend Kurota to find a feral child believed to be the son of a dead diplomat. John and Jerry are joined by guest Julie Hoverson 19 Nocturne Boulevard.  Together, they discuss the phenomenon of finding feral children in media including Lucan, the continuing story of Fujiota, and play a game of This or That. Join us Sunday nights at 7:00ET as we discuss an episode of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN and Wednesday nights at 7:00ET as we discuss an episode of THE BIONIC WOMAN with a fan as well as featuring live commentary from our viewers.  Bionic Operative Julie Hoverson      

Edict Zero - FIS
Edict Zero – FIS – EP601 – “Tides of Time”

Edict Zero - FIS

Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2022


EDICT ZERO – FIS – Season 6 Episode 1 – “Tides of Time” #CREDITS# VOICES: James Keller, Julie Hoverson, Russell Gold, Phil Rossi, Tanja Milojevic, Robert Cudmore, Chris Barnes, David Collins-Rivera, Sarah Golding, Dayn Leonardson, Stefan Rudnicki,Jennifer Dixon,Pandora Kew, Tracy Lea-Cudmore, and Jack Kincaid. EXPANDED VOICE CREDITS The Bishop – Drusilla _______________ Jennifer Dixon Drusilla […]

Candy Is Yummy
Episode 41 Sheriff Silver episode 1

Candy Is Yummy

Play Episode Listen Later May 3, 2022 6:49


The episode was written by Josh Busch & Timothy Robare. The actors were Sean Conroy, Jordan Kalina, Kiriko Windgeist, Lane Pride, Julie Hoverson, Chrystal Tang, & Timothy Robare. The cool music was by Ketsa, JPJ Comps, & Psychadelik Pedestrian. Thanks for listening! Why not subscribe to us today? And to stay in the Candy is Yummy loop, follow Josh on Instagram & Twitter where he's @JoshBuschStuff And don't forget to play the free games at FreeRice.com where just by playing free games you can magically feed starving people around the world for free.

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - B&B Investigations, Case 1: CRY WOLF (Reissue of the Week)

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 28, 2022 27:28


CRY WOLF (B&B Investigations, Case 1) In a world part 1940s film noir and part Grimms, B&B Investigations are hired to clear the name of one "Mr. Wolf", who was allegedly killed after devouring a grandmother...  Written and produced by Julie Hoverson   Cast List Paul Bette - Joel Harvey Donna Bella - Julie Hoverson Captain Oftheguard - Reynaud LeBoeuf Mrs. Wolf - Rhys TM Rumplestiltskin - Philemon Vanderbeck Red - Julia Carson Little Boy Blue - Beverly Poole Portia - Chandra Wade Prince - Mr. Synyster Additional Voices - Cole Hornaday Music:  Buz Hendricks, Somewhere Off Jazz Street (via Jamendo) 19 Nocturne Main Theme:  Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover design:  Front: Brett Coulstock   "What kind of a place is it?  Why it's a private detective's office, can't you tell?" ************************************************ CRY WOLF Cast: Olivia (opening credits) Donna Bella - slumming society dame Paul Bett - roughneck P.I. Mrs. Wolf - distraught widow Red - hot tamale and damsel in dis dress Captain Oftheguard - police investigator Boy Blue - patticake ragamuffin Winky, Blinky, Noddy - sewing Crones Rumpy Stiltskin - snitch Portia - Lawyer from across the pond Prince Officer Sees-Real-Far ANNOUNCER    19 Nocturne Boulevard. CABBIE    Nocturne Boulevard?  Not far.  When you hit Howard, hang a right.  Howard meets Phillip at a weird kind of angle, then you cross James and Poe.  You can't miss Nocturne - it's just past the automat. ANNOUNCER    19 Nocturne Boulevard, your address for suspenseful stories of the speculative, strange, and supernatural.  Tonight's story is called Wolf's Clothing SOUND    KNOCK ON DOOR.  DOOR OPENS. OLIVIA    [sultry voice]  Yes.  This is 19 Nocturne Boulevard, won't you step inside? SOUND    FOOTSTEPS OLIVIA    Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a private detective's office, can't you tell? MUSIC    SULTRY NOIR SAX MRS. WOLF    I know he was a beast-- PAUL    Hey! MRS. WOLF    But he was mine.  And now he's dead. DONNA    Seems like a cut and dried case, Mrs. Wolf.  What exactly do you want us to do? MRS. WOLF    They're saying my dear sweet husband Loopy killed this old lady and was taken down by a "good Samaritan" before he could escape.  But he would never do anything like that! VOICEOVER MUSIC BEGINS DONNA    [voiceover]  We'd seen it all before.  But that's what you get in P-I work - more of denial than Egypt in flood season, and more grief than happily ever afters.  Lives are like mirrors - once they're shattered, they can never be quite put back together. PAUL    [voiceover] Mrs. Wolf was a typical criminal's window.  Never willing to admit that the dead beloved might have actually been a predator-- DONNA    [voiceover]  Hey!  This is my voiceover. PAUL    [voiceover]  You said we were going to start splitting them.  And you kept top billing. DONNA    [voiceover]  That's my Paul.  Paul Bette.  Despite his excruciatingly gruff and intimidating exterior, he always has to be the logical one. PAUL    [voiceover]  And that's my Donna.  Donna Bella.  She's a lot more than just a pretty face.  VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS TO FADE OUT DONNA    [voiceover]  I am right here. PAUL    [voiceover]  Hmph.  Maybe you'll learn something.  Is it my turn now? DONNA    [voiceover]  Nah, let's cut back to the scene. VOICEOVER MUSIC ENDS MRS. WOLF    It's like you're not even listening to me!  DONNA    Sorry.  So your husband was killed in the commission of a crime-- PAUL    Alleged crime.  Alleged commission. MRS. WOLF    Loopy would never do that!  He's always been a good husband and father-- DONNA    Forgive me for asking, Mrs. Wolf, but has he been known to, well, hunt in other pastures? PAUL    That was surprisingly tactful. DONNA    Thank you. MRS. WOLF    You're asking if he ever ran around on me? DONNA    You know, a little howl at the moon?  A little lamb on the side? MRS. WOLF    Well Loopy was no saint-- PAUL    It will help us help you. MRS. WOLF    [Sobs, then grudgingly] Yes. I always knew he was a bit of a dog, but I loved him.  And there were always the cubs to consider. DONNA    Let's get down to the teeth of the matter.  What exactly do you want us to do?  Your husband's killer is no secret - in fact he's all over the papers as a big hero.  "Simple woodcutter saves young girl from fate of devoured gramma."  Story on page 7. MRS. WOLF    It's the insurance.  They're refusing to pay out since he died while committing a crime.  I wouldn't ask if it was just for me, but our pack - well, we'll hardly be able to hold our muzzles up in public. VOICEOVER MUSIC BEGINS     PAUSE DONNA    [voiceover] ... OK, you go. PAUL    [voiceover]  Thank you.  The case was the biggest thing to hit the hot sheets since the disappearance of debutante White last year.  Nothing sparks the interest like someone getting devoured. DONNA    [voiceover] ...And a little heavily implied sex.  The facts were pretty cut and dried.  Red reached gramma's cottage at 10 p.m., only to find the door unlocked and most of the light bulbs unscrewed.  A voice from the bedroom called out for her to come in. VOICEOVER MUSIC CUTS OUT PAUL    We should check and see if Mr. Wolf was known for voice impersonations. DONNA    Noted.  So-- PAUL    [cutting her off] So Red went in to deliver gramma's goodies-- DONNA    [upping the ante] --and didn't realize at first that the person tucked up in bed was not her dear sweet gran-- PAUL    [stealing the punchline, almost breathless] --but a bloodthirsty wolf, dressed in the clothes of the little old lady he had devoured just moments earlier. DONNA    [sigh]  Why didn't she notice?  We need to check on Red's eyesight.  Seems fishy to me.  Could she have been expecting something? PAUL    I've heard some interesting things about Red.  Maybe I should tackle her alone. DONNA    Me too - [catty] I've heard that if her riding hood was a car, it would come with a rumble seat and a convertible roof.  PAUL    [wolfish] They do say she likes to run around with the top down. DONNA    [sweetly]  Well, you go on ahead.  I'll stop in on the Captain and see if I can wiggle loose a copy of the official report. PAUL    Nothing doing!  I know just what kind of wiggling you-- [cut off by music] VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS DONNA    [voiceover, very satisfied]  So we paid a little call on Red.  Together. PAUL    [voiceover]  Hey!  Let me finish. DONNA    [voiceover]  Tell me on the way. SOUND    CAR DOORS.  CAR DRIVES OFF  CAR ENGINE UNDER PAUL    Bella? DONNA    [romantic-ish] Yes, Paul? PAUL    [musing] What would you do if you walked into, say, my bedroom... DONNA    Oh, Paul? PAUL    [not noticing] And crept up to the burly figure tucked up in bed.... DONNA    [giggles]  Um-hum? PAUL    [still oblivious] and when you got close enough to get a good look, you see-- DONNA    [sultry] What would I see, Paul? PAUL    --A wolf in a nightcap? DONNA    What?  I mean, you're a bit shaggy around the edges, but-- PAUL    Huh?  I was thinking of Red.  What were ... you...? DONNA    [snappish] Teasing.  You're right.  Even if she had to get close before noticing, there's too much chance she'll spot the switch.  That's quite a risk he took. PAUL    Why are you so flushed?  Are you OK? DONNA    Huh?  [covering badly]  Thrill of the chase.  Are we there yet? VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS DONNA    [whispering]  I think he's - yep - he's gone.  Well, as you might have noticed, my big lug of a partner doesn't seem to know I'm alive - except as a sidekick and a sleuth.  I've heard of girls who want to be loved for their minds, but everything from my neck down was getting lonely.  So I --- Oops, here he--  [clears throat] When we got to Red's address-- PAUL    Did I miss anything? DONNA    Nope!  --the windows of the bungalow were dark and a FOR SALE sign sat in the yard. PAUL    What's ... wrong? DONNA    [snap] Nothing. VOICEOVER MUSIC ENDS SOUND    OUTDOOR NOISES PAUL    No, really. DONNA    Well, there is one thing... [beat]  Why would she sell her house right after her brush with death? PAUL    Bad memories? DONNA    But that would be Gramma's house, wouldn't it? PAUL    So where's Red? CAPTAIN    [off, coming on]  She's staying at the Perrault Hilton - makes it easier to avoid the press. DONNA    [all sweetness, not fake] Captain Oftheguard, what are you doing here? PAUL    [growls] CAPTAIN    I could ask you the same thing.  What's the deal?  This is hardly the most interesting case in town, seeing as we've already got everything handled - one dead killer, one live hero-- PAUL    And one red hot media bombshell.  Getting any good press lately? DONNA    Ssh!  We've been asked to look into a couple things.  You know how insurance companies are.  CAPTAIN    [warning] Look, this case is wrapped up tighter than a ballgown in a walnut, and the last thing I need is you two poking your noses into it and messing it up.  I don't want to see you anywhere near this case, you hear?  I've got a glass mountain just waiting for the first one to get in my way. PAUL    Oh yeah? DONNA    Shh. Bruce-- CAPTAIN    [softening, but stern] Don't Bruce me, Donna.  Why a nice girl like you wants to be a private eye is beyond me.  Call me when you want to go legit. PAUL    [growls] CAPTAIN    Take it up with the king, pal. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS STOMP AWAY DONNA    Why can't you be civil? PAUL    I don't like him.  He treats you like you should be locked in a tower. DONNA    Tsch.  He just-- BOY BLUE    Pardon me, good miss, good sir, have you seen a mangy cur? PAUL    Pfui.  Get away. DONNA    No need to-- PAUL    I hate patticakes. DONNA    If not for them, who'd do all the scut work? Cartoon mice?  Paul, why don't you run along and see if you can talk to Red?  I'll catch a cab late - it's Bee night anyway. PAUL    But--? VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS DONNA    I have to explain the patticakes, dear.  You'll have plenty of time to get across town. PAUL    [muttering, going off] They come in here, take all the jobs... DONNA    You may have noticed a certain theme to our world.  Well, the patticakes hail from a completely different land. PAUL    [off, yelling]  They don't even speak good English! DONNA    [sigh]  They're stuck in the past, and limited in their abilities, but they do just fine at menial labor, so they get hired under the table by people too cheap or too broke to find someone local.  Luckily, when I was a kid, my nanny was an old woman who lived in a shoe, so I knew the lingo. VOICEOVER MUSIC ENDS PAUL    [yelling, off] And they do stupid things like jump over candle-sticks--  DONNA    [yelling back] It's over! PAUL    [off, not yelling]  Oh. DONNA    [sigh]  Right.  Hmm...  [thinking noises] question - no that's a hard one, little boy blue... wait, no... I've got it!  [to boy]      I've seen no dog, my boy in blue, but I have something to ask you. BOY BLUE    Lovely Lady, kind and fair I'll answer anything I dare! DONNA    Just a moment.  [thinking again, then]      I need to know about Miss Red Or about the wolf that's dead BOY BLUE    The wolf is dead? Oh lackaday! He had me watch his car for pay. DONNA    You mean the wolf came here?  What-- oh! [thinking hard, trying to rhyme]  BOY BLUE    I see the sinking of the sun My mother worries - I must run! SOUND    FOOTSTEPS RUN OFF DONNA    Damn!  But why would Mr. Wolf have come here?  If Red knew him-- VOICEOVER MUSIC CUTS HER OFF DONNA    What? PAUL    I need to muse.  Take a break. DONNA    Are you spying on me? PAUL    [genuinely shocked] No!  I wouldn't-- DONNA    Good.  PAUL    [clears throat] I figured this was as good a time as any to tap my underworld contacts, see if there was any connection between red and the wolf-- DONNA    Don't you dare!  That's my clue! PAUL    Now who's spying? DONNA    I'll go away, but only if you don't follow my clue. PAUL    [growl]  Oh, Done. DONNA    Fine. PAUL    [loudly] Then I decided to tap my underworld contacts to see if the woodcutter had any prior grudge against the wolf-- DONNA    [off] That's better! PAUL    And I figured after that, I could swing by ...Captain ...Oftheguard's... office--  [quietly] Donna?  [waits]  Whew.  [chuckles, then fondly]  She's a real salamander when she gets started.  Look, don't tell her this, [listens again for a second] but, I feel like such a - well, a beast - when I see her and Oftheguard together.  He's an old friend of the family - when her father the big time importer had a few bad business breaks, he helped them keep the wolf from the door, and I always figured it was to get close to her, since her sisters are no prize.  That's how Donna ended up coming to work for me.  Times were tough.  [putting a brave face on it] Now that her father's back in the shipping fast lane, I figure it's just a matter of time before she gets bored with keeping company with a roughneck like me and goes back to her high society friends.  PAUL    [breaking a little]  I don't know how I'll get by without her, but there's no way a gorgeous dame like her could ever be interested in a big hairy brute like yours truly.  And what could I say?  Every time I try and come up with something romantic, all I think of is "will you marry me?" which is bound to be slapped down.  So I make light and pretend I don't see her lovely eyes and shiny red hair... [sigh that's almost a growl]  DONNA    I'm back - miss me? PAUL    I, no, I-- [going off] have to meet a guy. DONNA    I'll never understand him.  [beat]  What?  Oh, fine - [sigh] I got to the bee.  [beat] Why isn't the music ending?  I've arrived.  [beat]  Tsk.  [exasperated sigh]  Grand balls may be the obvious social events of high society, but the sewing bees are the true heart of the old dame's network.  We get together to spin and weave and sew ... and dish.  [calling off]  Good enough? VOICEOVER MUSIC ENDS ABRUPTLY DONNA    [sarcastic]  Thanks.  SOUND    KNOCK ON DOOR WINKY    [muffled] Come in! SOUND    DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS  DONNA    Hey, ladies!  Winky, nice glasses.  Blinky, how's the gout?  Nod - What happened to your hunch? NODDY    [sounding like Marty Feldman] What hunch? DONNA    Huh?  Nevermind.  I brought Pies! THE LADIES    [noises of happy excitement] WINKY    Is this that Pieman friend of yours? DONNA    Might be.  [chuckles]  Never hurts to have pals in low places.  Hey, Tilda's not here?  Did she finally finish those shirts for her seven brothers? BLINKY    All but one sleeve, can you believe it?  No one ever understand how long these things take.  DONNA    I'd'a thought she be here chatting up a storm, just about now. NODDY    She's on her honeymoon, the wench! PAUL    [off, calling]  Enough of this Lifetime moment.  Can I have the narrative for a while?  There's actually something happening over here. DONNA    [loud whisper] Oh, all right, but - where's the-- VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS HASTILY DONNA and PAUL    Thank you! PAUL    May I? DONNA    [fondly] Brute.  [long sexy sigh, then fading away]  Very well.  PAUL    [lustful growl, then shakes himself out of it]  That woman.  Where was I?  Right.  My best contact, Rumpy - that little weasel - was just coming out of his basement for the night as I rolled up. VOICEOVER MUSIC FADES SOUND    STREET NOISES, FOOTSTEPS PAUL    Hey Rump.  Any straw to gold today? RUMPY    [surprised]  Oh!  Oh, it's you, Bett.  Whadja want? PAUL    Come on old pal!  Can't a guy just look you up for old times sake? RUMPY    You know, and I know, we got no old times, me old son.  Show me the money.  Unless you have, uh, something a bit more round and pink handy? PAUL    No babes today, Rump.  You're old enough, you wouldn't know what to do with one if you did get one.  Right, then.  I want the skinny on the Wolf massacre. RUMPY    Wolf?  I don't seem to recall-- SOUND    CLINK OF HEAVY COINS PAUL    This refresh your memory?  RUMPY    Oh, you mean the Red Riding Hood rescue.  PAUL    I want to know more about the wolf, and I heard you two sometimes ended up at the same watering holes.  What kind of guy was he? RUMPY    [losing the sly undertones]  Truly, I never would have pegged him as a grammavore.  Never saw him touch anything harder than lamb kebobs, if you get my drift.   PAUL    No steak tartare?  No little pigs? RUMPY    Truly, Bett, on my mother's grave.  He was a bit secretive the last few days, though, leering and preening and hinting he had a new lady friend.  Said something about her being real hot stuff.  PAUL    Red hot? RUMPY    [cagey again] Yes... he might have said something like that.  But he did say one thing solid, that I almost recall... SOUND    CLINK OF MORE COINS RUMPY     Ah, yes, it all comes back to me.  He mentioned how she was, um, a bit experimental, in the...  boudoir, so to speak. PAUL    Kinky? RUMPY    To put a bald face on it, yes.  He said she liked him to 'dress up'. VOICEOVER MUSIC DONNA    [after a pause] What, no snappy wrap up? PAUL    Frankly, I'm a little creeped out. DONNA    Oh, all right, let's meet up outside the office. PAUL    Yeah, good. VOICEOVER MUSIC FADES AMBIANCE    STREET NOISES SOUND    HORSE GOES BY QUICKLY, THEN SUDDENLY HOOFBEATS STOP DONNA    [yelling off] Hey!  Just because that thing can fly doesn't mean there isn't a scoop law! PAUL    [very tired]  Morning. DONNA    What happened to you?  Phew - you smell like an elvish cobbler shop. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS ON SIDEWALK, THEY AMBLE OFF TO WORK PAUL    I was tapping rumpy.  [flustered] I mean , I was getting the low-down from my contacts. DONNA    Stiltskin's about as low down as they get... PAUL    You get anything at the Bee? DONNA    Not much.  Neither one sees to have run in our circles.  Seems Gramma didn't get out much, and Red moves in - well, much FASTER circles... PAUL    I see. DONNA    One thing, though.  Rapunzel showed up for a bit - she's legal counsel for the highway board, you know? - and said that SHE'd heard of Gramma‑‑ PRINCE    Halt there!  PAUL    What?  It's too early for-- PRINCE    Unhand that fair maiden! PAUL    Who, her? DONNA    What? PRINCE    Don't worry - I am here to save you!  Take heart, dear lady!  PAUL    Um, fellow-- DONNA    [ramping up] What? PRINCE    This foul beast cannot harm you ever again!  Rescue is at hand! PAUL    Look out, he's gotta sword! PRINCE    Have at!  Hah! DONNA    WHAT! MUSIC STING CAPTAIN    I am disappointed in you.  That poor, poor prince-- PAUL    [muttered] He started it. CAPTAIN     Brawling on the street like a couple of - drunken...  um... drunkards. DONNA    He must be annoyed, he's dropping his similes. CAPTAIN    Shut up!  You'll be lucky if he doesn't press charges!  I'm still trying to decide if I should toss you in a dungeon. DONNA    Huh?  I didn't even break his nose until he brought up Stockholm Syndrome. PAUL    She was very understated. DONNA    Thank you. CAPTAIN    I don't CARE!  I won't have it in my town! PAUL    Look, if it will get him to forgo filing a complaint, tell him he can tell everyone it was me that done him over.  Much less embarrassing to the folks back home. CAPTAIN    [sigh, resigned] Fine.  Get outta here.  I know where to find you. SOUND    CHAIR SCRAPE, FOOTSTEPS, THEN STEPS PAUSE PAUL    One thing, Captain - was there an autopsy on Mr. Wolf? CAPTAIN    Autopsy?  Why would we do that?  It was obvious how he died! PAUL    I was more interested in his stomach contents... CAPTAIN     Besides, after the woodcutter got through with him, there wasn't much cutting left to --  stomach contents? PAUL    Just curious.  We'll get out of your way. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SHUTS DONNA    Think he'll go for it? PAUL    fifty-fifty. DONNA    Is that a bet? VOICEOVER MUSIC PAUL    We decided to speak with the only killer we were sure of - even if he was the hero of the day.  The woodcutter had been mighty quiet.... END VOICEOVER DONNA    That was short and sweet. PAUL    I'm still hung over. DONNA    This is the place. SOUND    KNOCKING ON A DOOR, PAUSE THEN KNOCKING AGAIN PAUL    Uh-oh. DONNA    What? PAUL    In the window. DONNA    [gasp!]  Is he--? PAUL    Well, he could be sleeping.  On the floor.  In a puddle of blood... Here--[effort] SOUND    DOOR BEING FORCED, HIS FOOTSTEPS DONNA    [off, calling] Anything? PAUL    Nothing obvious. DONNA    [off] Check him for combs and poison apples, but be careful, Paul! PAUL    [quiet]  I love it when she worries. DONNA    [off] What? PAUL    Nothing.  [grunts as he rolls him over]  Aha.  Stabbed in the back. DONNA    With what? PAUL    I have an idea...  And look at this! SOUND    HER FOOTSTEPS COME ON DONNA    What is--?  Why would he have one of those? PAUL    Maybe a souvenir from Gramma's house? DONNA    No - she only had one, and the wolf was wearing it when he died. PAUL    Hmm.... DONNA    I'll call Captain Oftheguard-- PAUL    No, we'll need him. DONNA    Need him for what? VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS PAUL    [importantly] The denouement. DONNA    Are we there already? PAUL    Oh, yes.  [clears throat]  So we rounded up all the unusual suspects - DONNA    There's actually only the one.  Red. PAUL    Oh, well, we got Red and Oftheguard to meet us at Gramma's cottage, a one-room, run-down little affair that had definitely seen better days - three or four kings ago. VOICEOVER MUSIC STOPS DONNA    All present and -- who are you? RED    [VERY SULTRY]  That's my attorney Portia. PORTIA    [VERY BRITISH, acknowledging the intro]  Most noble lady. PAUL    Portia? DONNA    [whispered] I think she's from across the pond. PAUL    [growls, then mutters] First patticakes, now Shakespeareans - what's next?  DONNA    Shh.  Denouement, remember? PAUL    Right.  [pulls himself together]  Daymoo-- [sighs, almost a growl] Denouement.  DONNA    Should I start? RED     Well somebody should. CAPTAIN    We're all here. PAUL    Fine.  We were hired to investigate the circumstances of a violent death-- RED    My Gramma? PAUL    Actually, no.  We're talking about the death of Mr. Wolf, at the hands of a woodcutter. RED    But he was protecting little old me.  That's not murder! DONNA    Stuff it up your riding hood, Red.  Let Paul talk. PAUL    [growls appreciatively]  As I was saying, Wolf's wife, loyal to the end, insisted that while he might have been on the prowl, he wasn't a killer.  And she was right, wasn't she, Captain? CAPTAIN    He?  [grudgingly]  Turns out you're right.  There was no sign of gramma in the wolf's stomach contents. DONNA    Great! CAPTAIN    [defensive]  But there was Gramma - bits - found in his mouth and teeth - so there was no reason for us to look any farther. PAUL    Understandable.  CAPTAIN    The guard is always busy, and understaffed.  DONNA    We're agreeing with you. PAUL    So the wolf was a patsy.  A fall guy.  PORTIA    What, like icarus? DONNA    Don't confuse him. PAUL    And once we rule out who seemed to be the murderer, we have to look at motive.  CAPTAIN    Which is? RED    Yes, enlighten us - If you think I want to own this run-down little rathole, you're sadly mistaken.  It's so old, it might as well have been built out of gingerbread. DONNA    Ah!  Well I found out, from a contact in the D-A's office and highway planning board, that there's been a highway supposed to go through this very spot, but it's been held up in the planning stages, since Gramma didn't want to sell. RED    [gasp] PORTIA    Is there something I should know? SOUND    KNOCK ON THE DOOR CAPTAIN    That will be Officer Sees-Real-Far.  [raising voice] come in! S-R-F    We did what you said sir, and-- CAPTAIN    [lowering his voice] And? S-R-F    [low] out behind the woodshed sir. CAPTAIN    Very good. PORTIA    In the interest of disclosure, sire--[don't forget her best line - the devil is in the details, milord] CAPTAIN    In a bit.  Go on. DONNA    But even if Red had a very good motive - by the way, my contact also said the board bought the land this morning - and for a pretty penny. RED    [petulant] I may be in mourning for my gramma, but business is business. DONNA    Right.  We come to the death of the woodcutter.  Supposedly an innocent bystander, dragged in to the whole mess out of pure chivalry and civic duty. PAUL    Or was he--? RED    What are you implying?  You won't find anyone who saw us together until AFTER the fact. PORTIA    I ought to caution you to remain silent. RED    Why?  I have nothing to hide. PORTIA    Yes, I can tell by your dress. DONNA    Back to the subject.  PAUL    Funny you should mention dresses, there, mouthpiece.  Because the wolf - who also was probably never seen with you, Red, was howling to all his friends about a hot little number‑‑ DONNA    --red-hot-- PAUL    --who was keeping company with him, and how she was a little kinky. RED    Shut up! PAUL    She liked him to dress up-- RED    Tell him I'll sue! PAUL    In an old lady's nightgown. RED    [collapses into tears] DONNA    It started out as part of the plot, didn't it?  Just a way to get him into the nightie before he tucked himself up and waited for you?  PAUL    But you realized it really got your ball rolling.  DONNA    Otherwise, why would we have found this-- SOUND    NIGHTGOWN PULLED OUT OF BAG DONNA    In the woodcutter's bedroom? CAP, RED, POR    [GASP!!] RED    I forgot about that... PAUL    Not hard, since just as you didn't actually kill the wolf, you didn't actually kill the woodcutter either. DONNA    [completely surprised]  She didn't? PAUL    [pleased with himself]  Nope.  Captain, I think you already have that killer in custody. CAPTAIN    [baffled]  I do? DONNA    Come on!  Spill! PAUL    That prince who attacked us on the street, beautiful.  While you were -- CAPTAIN     Causing a disturbance. DONNA    Defending myself. PAUL    Turning into a whirlwind, I happened to notice his sword had a tiny smear of dried blood on it.  It didn't strike me at the time, except that he was pretty careless with his weapon. DONNA    And the woodcutter--? PAUL    When I saw the stab wound in his back, I thought it looked strange - awkward.  Sword's aren't made for that, but they'll do.  I think you'll find, Captain when you do an autopsy on the poor fellow, that it's the same caliber. CAPTAIN    Swords don't have calibers. DONNA    So it's an Ex-caliber? PAUL    [growls]  Size, shape, whatever.  Don't nitpick, this is the big payoff! DONNA    So she vamped him into killing the wolf-- PAUL    Not too hard, a poor but honest woodcutter, and a tamale like that-- DONNA    He must have thought he died and went to heaven. PAUL    And he did, just the other way round. CAPTAIN    So this prince--? DONNA    She must have heard we were onto her. PAUL    And she gave him a sob story and sent him round to take me out. DONNA    Possibly hoping I'd get caught in the crossfire-- um cross sword, um... PAUL    Fray? DONNA    Fray.  Yes. PORTIA    But you still have no proof of any of this.  CAPTAIN    [chuckles] That's where you're wrong, milady. PAUL    Oh? CAPTAIN    My officer just now?  Well, I had some of my boys dig around out back, and guess what they found? RED    Oh No! PORTIA    My client is admitting nothing. CAPTAIN    They found Gramma.  Dead.  Buried under the woodshed.  And I think we're going to find she wasn't killed by wolf, woodcutter or demented prince.  Eh, Red? RED    All right!  I did it!  She was a tiresome senile old biddy who stockpiled newspapers and put food out for the bluebird of happiness!  She had no reason to live, let alone to keep me from my dreams! DONNA    Which are? RED    [unconvincing] Oh, you know - fame fortune, marry a prince. PAUL    Really? RED    [admitting] Ok, so my only dream is to kill her and get a bunch of money, is that so wrong? VOICEOVER MUSIC STARTS DONNA    A nice end to another tough case.  Mrs. Wolf got her insurance money, and the cubs can go to college-- PAUL    Red got her comeuppance, and the prince went into therapy-- DONNA    And the money from the sale of gramma's land went to a distant relation living in a pumpkin shell. PAUL    [grumbling] Patticakes. DONNA    And we-- PAUL    --we got our fee-- DONNA    --and the warm feeling-- PAUL    --of helping someone in need. DONNA    Stop!  Darn it Paul.  I'm tired of this. PAUL    Of what? DONNA    All of this.  Fighting over voiceovers, everything. PAUL    You-- you mean? DONNA    Yes. PAUL    Well, I can't say I wasn't expecting it. DONNA    I've just been holding out to be nice. PAUL    [wilting] Of course. DONNA    So, as of tomorrow-- PAUL    [growly sigh, very small] Yes? DONNA    I want my own damn voiceover music! PAUL    [immensely cheered] Oh! CLOSING OLIVIA    Now that you know how to find us, you'll have to come back.  Maybe next week?  Don't be a stranger - we have enough of those already...

19 Nocturne Boulevard
(FRESH!) Talk The Talk from 19 Nocturne Boulevard!

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 20, 2022 33:20


HELP SUPPORT NEW EPISODES! Patreon:  https://www.patreon.com/19Nocturne Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/a_d_infinitum   Next month (May 2022) will be one of the following (contact us through twitter or facebook or email to vote!): A.  Deadeye Kid prequel B.  Fatal Girl, season 2, episode 1 C.  Something else entirely Ko-fi votes count for every dollar donated!!!   TALK THE TALK Written by Julie Hoverson, sound mixing by Neil Gowland CAST Lydia Farnsworth - Julie Hoverson Thomas Farnsworth - JD Lauriat (Haunted House Flippers) Alice White - Shannon Perry (OZ-9) Phone - Pete Lutz (Narada Radio) Judge - Russell Gold Foreman - Jay Langejeans D.A. - Kerr Lordygan Guard - Jimmy Robbins Couch - Chris Hart Elevator - Cary Michael Ayers Lighter - Richard Hand Lamp - Boyd Barrett Sink - Blythe Renay Gun - Thomas Rippert Closet - Joe Griffin WHISPERS Erin Suminsby James C. Taylor Ruya Telhami Julie Hoverson David S. Dear Fiona Thraille   ***************************************************************     TALK THE TALK Cast: Olivia Lydia Farnsworth Thomas Farnsworth Alice White Judge Foreman D.A. Guard Phone Couch Elevator C Lighter Lamp Sink Gun Closet MUSIC OLIVIA Why, it's a courtroom, can't you tell? Where else would you find... a murderer? Scene 1. LYDIA [condescending, replying to a question] Lydia Farnsworth - Everyone here knows that. ... Yes, yes. ... I killed him. It was self-defense. He was planning to kill me. ... [hesitant, lying] An anonymous phone call. [narrating] Of course I can't say who told me - everyone would think I was utterly insane. When it started, Icouldn't even understand it, much less believe - how could I convince anyone else? MUSIC Scene 2. STING LYDIA [narrating] I know I am a joke. An older woman, rich and prominent, married to a much younger - well, a youngerman. And I'm not THAT old - 40 isn't really, and everyone says I look more like 35. But he looks 29 - which he is - so ... tongues will wag. SOUND Tom screams, long, distant and echoey. LYDIA Oh, that was later. Tom almost never screams. TOM [screams, but happily] Hey! SOUND ROULETTE WHEEL. TOM Didja see that? Boy oh boy, if I could bottle that! LYDIA [purring] You're a lucky man. TOM [interested] We-e-ell.... I guess I am. Hey Kitten, wanna help make a rich man poor again? MUSIC Scene 3. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] It was that moment that I fell for him. He didn't know who I was, but he wanted to give me a treat. I kept it up for a while, pretending to be just another secretary on vacation, not letting on. I felt so guilty, letting him pay for all those dinners, the gifts... TOM Kitten, this necklace is just aching to be around your neck. Hear it? [silly voice] Hey lady, take me home, I love you.... LYDIA [narrating, suddenly struck by something] Oh. [beat] No, no - never mind. TOM Don't you know that everything has a voice? Listen to the wind - it calls your name to me, telling me I gotta keep hold of you. Whattaya say, Kitten? Wanna make it permanent? MUSIC UNDER LYDIA [narrating, shaken] Yes, he DID say things like that - perhaps that was why... [beat] Tom worked late a lot - particularly after I told him I was - we were - wealthy. It was like he felt he had to make up for something. He never even introduced me to his family - just said he grew up dirt poor. I think he was ... ashamed. TOM [filter] Sorry, Kitten, but I gotta really burn some oil on this one. You understand, right? LYDIA Of course. [narrating] What else could I say, it was so sweet of him to worry. To want to make me proud. Scene 4. SOUND Candlestick phone hangs up. Footsteps walk away. PHONE [Male voice, filter] He's cheating on ya. LYDIA [panicked, slightly distant] What? Who? PHONE [filter] The husband. Tom. He calls HER all the time when you're out. You want her number? LYDIA Who is this? Where are you? PHONE [filter] Right over here, where I always am. LYDIA [getting more agitated] I don't see anyone! Is this some kind of game? SOUND Footsteps, hesitant, then dashing about. PHONE [filter] I wanted to show my appreciation, see, for not throwing me over when the new model came out - LYDIA What? Where are you? SOUND Door opens. LYDIA [muffled slightly] Hello? Where...? PHONE [filter] No one understands a classic any more. SOUND Door slams. LYDIA [sobbing] This is not funny! I don't know who you are, but you can just get out! PHONE [filter, very close] I'm right here. Look down. LYDIA [quavering] Wha-a-at? [relieved] Oh, the line must still be open. SOUND Candlestick phone picked up, taken off the hook, tap of cradle. LYDIA [loudly] This is not funny, whoever you are. I don't... SOUND Dial tone - continues in background until stated. LYDIA What...? PHONE [filter] I'm not ON your phone, lady. ... I AM your phone. SOUND Clatter of phone hitting floor, dial tone continues, but distant. PHONE [filter] Hey! I'm trying to help you here! LYDIA Nooo! SOUND Phone is kicked across floor. SOUND Dial tone stops. LYDIA [breathing hard] SOUND hesitant footsteps, continuing. PHONE [Unintelligible, distant whisper] LYDIA [whispered] How can you be talking? PHONE [whispered, wavering] Closer, come closer. LYDIA I'm... I'm sorry I kicked you. PHONE [moans, slightly closer] LYDIA Are you ... all right? PHONE [whispering] I gotta ... you need to hear this. SOUND Phone picked up from floor. LYDIA Yes, I'm listening. PHONE [shouting] Don't DO that! SOUND Phone hits floor again. MUSIC UNDER LYDIA [narrating, matter of fact] I felt so bad. But it wasn't hurt. They really built those old phones to last. And what it toldme...! PHONE Sunset 1-1-9-7. I don't know who she is, but what he says to her - whoo-wee. Scene 5. LYDIA [narrating] But how could I tell anyone? My PHONE spoke to me? I told THEM I got an anonymous call. And of course, the phone never used a name, so it wasn't precisely a LIE... TOM Kitten, I'm home! LYDIA Oh, yes. Tom. The phone line lothario. [calling away] Darling, was it a good meeting? TOM The best. [SOUND: KISS] Not better than coming home, though. LYDIA [neutral] Of course. TOM Oh, you're not mad, are you kitten? It's important that I do my time at the office, don't you see? Show everyone - show you - that I'm not just a... a... PHONE Gold digger. LYDIA What? TOM You know, a social climber. PHONE Gi-go-lo. LYDIA Did you hear that? TOM What? If it's the Joneses and their idiot record player again... LYDIA No. It's nothing. LYDIA [narrating] It wasn't nothing, of course. Soon, other supposedly inanimate objects began to have their little piece to say... Scene 6. SOUND water running SINK [cheery] Almost out of soap! And my drain will clog if you don't stop him from washing down his coffee grounds! LYDIA Him? SINK [significant, like a hint] Him. LYDIA [narrating] After the initial shock wore off, it was so EASY to listen. SOUND Click of light being turned on. LAMP [high squeaky voice] On! Better? LYDIA [startled] What? LAMP Are you going to read? Knit maybe? HE likes the dark. Especially when she's here. SOUND Light switched off. LAMP [voice now low] Off. Yep. Just like that. LYDIA [narrating] At first I thought I was crazy, but then I realized - if I was crazy, how could I know all the things they were telling me? SOUND plumping up pillows COUCH [seedy voice, out the corner of the mouth] I know who she is. SOUND Plumping stops, Lydiasits on couch. COUCH Hey, I didn't ask you to sit on me! LYDIA Oh! Who is she? COUCH I would recognize her from behind better, if you catch my drift... LYDIA You mean she actually sat on you - I mean on MY COUCH? COUCH You don't have to rub it in. LYDIA [narrating] I had to have it out with her. I COULDN'T just let this - this farce - go on, right under my nose and behind my back! PHONE Sunset 1-1-9-7? You got it. SOUND Phone dials. LYDIA What'll I say? PHONE I could tell you what HE says... SOUND Phone picks up. LYDIA Shut up! ALICE [filter] Well! SOUND Slams phone down. LYDIA This is hopeless. How can I find a person from her phone number? PHONE All you need is a good story. COUCH [off mike] I know a couple of good stories... PHONE & LYDIA Shut UP! LAMP [high squeaky voice] You tell 'em! Scene 7. SOUND Phone is dialed. Picked up. ALICE [filter] Hello? LYDIA [brisk, but clearly reading] Telegram for Sunset 1-1-9-7 - May I have your name please? ALICE [filter] White. Alice White. [concerned] A telegram? LYDIA Good. Miss White, can you confirm your address, in case we need to forward a copy to your home? ALICE [filter] What's the message? LYDIA I have to confirm your address, miss. The message is marked urgent. ALICE [filter, more worried] 24 Topham drive, floor 6. Now what-? SOUND phone hangs up. LYDIA & PHONE collapse into giggles. COUCH & LAMP laugh too. SINK [far off mike] What? What's so funny? MUSIC Scene 8. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] I went. I had to. I needed to see this cuckoo's egg. Alice White. What a name - plebian, that's what I call it. Strictly middle class. AND the elevator was broken in her building. SOUND Buzzer, door opens. LYDIA Alice- ALICE [friendly] -- White. And you? LYDIA [narrating] She was horrible. Horribly perfect - buttermilk complexion, flaxen hair... She should have been a dairymaid in one of those travel posters for Holland or Sweden - one of those places with dirndls and windmills and tulips. ALICE Can I help you? LYDIA [narrating] At least I had my story straight this time - my phone is VERY handy with a lie. [to Alice] I am here seeking donations to the Mid-Town Orphanage. Can you spare anything? [Narrating] From the looks of her - the threadbare, out of fashion dress, the tatty carpet in the hall, she was sure to laugh in my face- ALICE Oh, gosh... [going away] I'm sure I've got something. Hmm... here! [coming back] Can you maybe use this? LYDIA [numb] A lighter? ALICE I think it's real gold, and I don't smoke. I couldn't think what to do with it. LYDIA Won't... your husband... be annoyed? ALICE [giggles] Got none. Not yet. It was sort of a present - kind of like for emergency money, but I'd feel bad just selling it or throwing it out, but this sounds like a real good cause. LYDIA [narrating] I walked away with the gold lighter in my hand - the gold lighter I GAVE him for our honeymoon... LIGHTER [British accent] I say, don't I know you? LYDIA [narrating] I waited until we were alone. [to lighter, whispered] How did you get THERE? LIGHTER [whispering] Oh, this is jolly exciting, just like Scotland Yard... LYDIA Answer me! LIGHTER If you must take that tone! Young Thomas gifted me to her. I see almost as much of him here as I ever saw in his flat. LYDIA MY flat. LIGHTER Oh, like that is it? Well well well... MUSIC Scene 9. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] It was all true. And she was so darned NICE I couldn't even hate her. Just HIM. I felt like a character in a bad drama - the cheated wife. So alone... But I wasn't alone, you see. I had all of THEM. SOUND Door shuts, footsteps. LYDIA [off mike] Dear? Are you home? SOUND phone hanging up. TOM [on mike] You bet, Kitten! LYDIA Oh, good. I was afraid you'd forgotten-- PHONE You asked me to let you know if anything interesting happened? LYDIA ...our anniversary? PHONE He was just talking to ... HER. TOM Now what kind of a husband would that make me? PHONE A heel. [admonishing] On your anniversary. LYDIA [shaky] I need to ... to powder my... SOUND footsteps running away TOM Hunh. Women. PHONE You can say that again. SOUND door slams. NEW SCENE_9.5 LYDIA [crying] Oh, Tom! CLOSET Psst, over here. LYDIA What? Over where, Who is--? CLOSET I'm the one with the suits hanging in my rear, whaddaya think? LYDIA [sighs] Oh. [sniffs] SOUND footsteps LYDIA [weakly] Yes? CLOSET Check the top shelf. [annoyed] On his side! SOUND door opens. Boxes shift. Something metal is picked up. LYDIA A gun? When did Tom get a gun? TOM [off mike, muffled] Kitten, honey? We need to get shuffling. Are you powdered enough yet? LYDIA [calling] Almost! [whispered] When? Tell me! CLOSET What am I, a calendar? I don't know dates from donuts. LYDIA [frustrated noise] CLOSET But what I DO know is that that piece of hardware wasn't in me until... yesterday. LYDIA Yesterday? TOM [muffled, off mike] Kitten? I'm coming in! LYDIA Don't you dare! SOUND doorknob rattles, Lydia's running footsteps, door slams shut. LYDIA I'm - I'm wrapping your present, darling. You've got to give me a moment. TOM [pleased] Ohhhh. All right, I can wait. I hope it's a lighter - I've only been hinting ever since I lost that great one you gave me before. SOUND Gun cocks. LYDIA [muttered] I should give him the same one - see how he laughs at that. SOUND Footsteps back to closet. Boxes shift. LYDIA I think it was ... [grunt of effort] about there. GUN HEY!!! What are you, crazy? Never leave me lying around cocked! I could go off! MUSIC Scene 10. STING LYDIA [narrating] I thought about it for a long time. About the gun. About what it meant - being in Tom's closet and all. And I wondered if he could possibly be planning what I might think he was planning.... Even if he did intend to kill me, could I do something about it? Get him before he got me? I LOVED Tom. And he'd always been so sweet... PHONE Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. What you need is gumption, sweetheart. LYDIA Just because he's cheating doesn't mean he's planning to ... to-- PHONE To buy a gun? Too late. What else do you think he's NOT planning to do? LYDIA He wouldn't - couldn't - hurt me. Any more than I could hurt him-- SOUND door opens TOM Oh, hi! [puzzled] Hello? Kitten, who're you talking to? LYDIA [easily] Just the phone, dear. SOUND short smooch. LYDIA [narrating] I was getting rather good at lying. Almost as good as the phone - now, THERE was a champion. I guess it came from hearing all those lies... All the time. TOM [talking on phone] Bob? Listen, it's me, Tom Farnsworth. Yes, from Farnsworth & Wilson. Now, we need to talk... PHONE [over Tom, whispered] Funny, Bob's usually a fella's name... LYDIA [reacts] PHONE He's getting worse. You need to DO something. TOM [continues under Phone] Yes, that's right - tomorrow for lunch. ... Dinner instead? I think I can... Let me just check. [to Lydia] Kitten, can you spare me for dinner tomorrow? Big client... LYDIA [long beat] Of course. Dear. I have someone I really need to talk to anyway. [narrating] The next night, I knew where to find him. Unfortunately, I couldn't take any of my ... friends ... with me - except the lighter, and that accent was getting on my nerves. LIGHTER I say! Scene 11. LYDIA [snorts] But when you're like me, there's always someone around to answer questions... ELEVATOR ...about five minutes ago? Yeah, I know the guy. He's a regular. Sometimes I even take him up. LYDIA Are you working today? ELEVATOR [huffy] Whaddaya mean? I'm always working! LYDIA But the sign... ELEVATOR The super puts the sign up to save electricity - cheapskate. Now, if youknow how to run me up... LYDIA [deflated] I'm not sure... ELEVATOR Step in, it's pretty much automatic. SOUND elevator gate slides open ELEVATOR See the button there.... MUSIC UNDER LYDIA It's funny how every THING I ever talked to wanted to be so helpful, when all the people around me weren't. The elevator even gave me a little tip... ELEVATOR That little knob right there - that's what keeps the door shut when I'm not around. The spring pushes it out - and then, when I come up, it gets pushed in, and voila...! You don't want the door comin' open up here when I'm in the basement, eh? LYDIA Oh, no. SOUND DISTANT BELL. ELEVATOR Whoops! That's me. Would ya' get the door? I gotta go, sweetheart. LYDIA Oh? Oh, certainly. SOUND ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES. LYDIA I crept down the hall, ever so quiet. SOUND door opens TOM [off] ...right back - just need - [on mike] Oh. Lydia. LYDIA [deep breath] You needn't worry. I'm leaving. SOUND Sharp footsteps TOM Lydia. Kitten. It's not what you think! SOUND Tom's footsteps rush to catch up to her. LYDIA Stay away from me, Tom. TOM Just stop! LYDIA [reacts as Tom grabs her] Uh! Let go of me! SOUND Slight struggle. Lydia's footsteps running. LYDIA I had only one chance...I ran for the elevator. But the gate wouldn't open! I pushed and pushed-- SOUND Elevator door opens. Lydia's footsteps stop, Tom's footsteps catch up. TOM Let me-- LYDIA No! Let go! [sound of exertion, pushing him away] SOUND Tom's footsteps stagger, then... LYDIA Oh, no! It's NOT--! TOM [screams as he did at beginning] LYDIA And that was that. I tried to stop him from going over. At least I think I did, but it WAS my fault. ALICE [coming on mike, breathless] What...? Where's Tom? You're that lady-- LYDIA Tom? He's MY husband! How dare you-- ALICE [panicking] What have you done to Tom? Where's my brother? MUSIC Scene 12. UNDER LYDIA [narrating] And that's why I'm here. If he was cheating on me, I would have fought harder. Could have gotten away. But the look on that girl's face... My own sister-in-law. TOM [screams again] LYDIA Yes, and poor Tom. SOUND Gavel hits twice D.A. Your name please? LYDIA [condescending] Lydia Farnsworth - Everyone here knows that. D.A. And you are testifying in your own behalf of your own free will? LYDIA [testy] Yes, yes. D.A. You are on trial for the murder of your husband, Tom Farns- LYDIA I killed him. It was self-defense. I thought he was planning to kill me. D.A. What led you to think your husband had such designs? LYDIA [hesitant, lying] An anonymous phone call. [narrating] I suppose I could have admitted everything, made a plea for mercy on the grounds of insanity, but I-- TOM [screams again] LYDIA [narrating] I simply couldn't get Tom out of my head. I don't know how all these murderers do it, just kill people and walk away. SOUND Gavel bangs JUDGE Has the jury reached a verdict? FOREMAN We find the defendant ... guilty. LYDIA [resigned] I was relieved, actually. I believed I could face anything, since I would never really be alone. Even the judge's gavel had a kind word. ...Though not the judge. JUDGE For your heinous crimes, I hereby sentence you to death. CROWD [Reaction, gasps] MUSIC Scene 13. STING LYDIA I suppose it was only right - and I really had no reason to go on living, without [SOUND: same scream] Tom. Funny how I look back and see how badly mistaken we all were. It's far too easy to blow things right out of proportion. SOUND footsteps, cutlery set on plate. GUARD You done with that? LYDIA Yes, thank you. It was ... surprisingly tasty. GUARD It's time, then. Come on. SOUND jail door opens, footsteps slowly walk. VOICES [Whispers begin comforting at the start, build.] LYDIA [whispered] Thank you. Thank you all so much. GUARD What? LYDIA Nothing. [narrating] Everything is so encouraging, telling me how brave I am. I'm not brave, really, just ... just tired. GUARD Stop. SOUND KEYS JINGLE. LYDIA Such a relief, really. And then... I'll be with Tom. SOUND LOCK UNLOCKS. Scene 14. WHISPERS [fade out] LYDIA I didn't notice it immediately. My mind was miles away, thinking about how I would make it up to him - he'd certainly understand, about how it was really an accident and all. SOUND SQUEAKY DOORKNOB TURNS. LYDIA But the voices were gone. Even when I closed my eyes and concentrated, there was nothing. It left me feeling ... very ... alone. Oh, well, it wouldn't be for long. SOUND [DISTANT, OFF MIKE] PHONE RINGS. GUARD Stay here. LYDIA What? Of course. I've nowhere to go. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, phone picked up LYDIA Once I rejoined Tom, everything would be all right. I wouldn't NEED them - my friends - any more. Just him. GUARD [behind and under Lydia] Yeah? Who? LYDIA That's why I let it get this far. Fired my lawyer. Made no defense. Admitted everything. GUARD [behind and under] Uh-huh? Got it. LYDIA Just to bring me to this moment. And I wasn't afraid - no matter what this room, this horrible room, might have to say, I was ready. SOUND FOOTSTEPS COME BACK LYDIA And it wouldn't take long. Not long at all, they say. And then, [happy sigh] Tom. GUARD Come on. SOUND KEYS JINGLE LYDIA Well, it's about time. Isn't everyone waiting? GUARD [beat] Not any more, lady. SOUND LOCKING DOOR LYDIA You're an idiot. Open this door. GUARD I may be an idiot, but you're a loon. [beat] That was the governor. You've been commuted. Come on back... LYDIA [gasp, then sharp] Don't talk nonsense. [plaintive, ending in a wail] No! I can't be left all alone! You simply have to kill me! MUSIC  

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - DUPLICITY - Reissue of the week

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2022 27:40


Written by Julie Hoverson, loosely based on a story by O Henry (The Duplicity of Hargraves) An actor takes a chance to help out a friend.   Cast List Hargraves - Charles Austin Miller Governor - Dave Marshall Lydia - Dawn Harvey Music by  Enox Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Charles Austin Miller   What kind of a place is it? Why it's an unfashionable residence hotel on a space station, can't you tell?" ************************************************ Duplicity [Loosely inspired by the Duplicity of Hargraves by O. Henry] Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Governor Pendleton, elderly man, slightly senile Lydia, his daughter Anthony Hargraves, the actor/Mac Bac   OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a quaint old boarding hotel on a teensy out of the way unfashionable space platform, of the classic sci fi kind, can't you tell?  MUSIC SCENE 1.    AMB    GOVERNOR'S HOME SOUND     SCI FI DOORS SHUSHS OPEN GOVERNOR    Anthony! So pleased to see you.  Come right in. ANTHONY    Thank you so much for having me, sir. SOUND    DOOR SHUSHES SHUT GOVERNOR    Have a seat.  [commanding] Gamma mu?  [beat, waiting]  Gamma mu?  [petulant] Where is that robot? LYDIA    [coming in] Oh, father.  I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you.  Gamma Mu is in the shop. GOVERNOR    That's preposterous!  Back in my day, they built robots to last!  LYDIA    Gamma Mu is getting on in years, just as you are father.  [choking up a bit] It should be back in working order in a couple of days.  I - I think I smell something burning-- SOUND    SHE DASHES OUT GOVERNOR    [courtly again] If you will excuse me, Anthony, I shall have to go and fetch the drinks tray myself. ANTHONY    Oh, please, don't bother yourself, Governor!  I'm happy to do that.  GOVERNOR    You are a guest in my house, young man. ANTHONY    And I am quite used to having to look after myself.  [a chuckle] Besides, I'm sure Lydia has everything ready - it won't take any effort on my part at all. GOVERNOR    She's a good girl.  Too bad she never married. ANTHONY    [agreeing, but not encouraging] Yes. SOUND    DOOR SHUSHES OPEN, SHUT LYDIA    [crying quietly in the background] ANTHONY    Lydia? LYDIA    [gasp, then trying to get over the crying jag, sniffling, wiping her face, etc.  A couple of breaths, then an attempt to be cheery]  Over here. SOUND    HE TAKES A COUPLE OF STEPS.  SOUND    SHE PUTS GLASSES ON A TRY ANTHONY    What's wrong? LYDIA    [brittle, pretending cheer] Oh, Mr. Hargraves.  What makes you think something's wrong? ANTHONY    Lydia.  If there's one thing any actor worth his salt learns before anything else, it's how to tell when someone is lying. LYDIA    [sniffle, almost loses it]  It's - it's not your problem. ANTHONY    Will you let me help?  Is it something about Gamma Mu?  I mean, I know you've had that robot for years-- LYDIA    [sudden rush of admission] I pawned it. ANTHONY    What? LYDIA    It's not broken.  And it's not coming back.  [heavy sigh]  We needed the money. ANTHONY    But your father's estates-- LYDIA    Venus is in a recession.  And the incomes simply can't keep up with the cost of living.  Space station habitats are so expensive. ANTHONY    You could-- go back to a surface home? LYDIA    Hah.  No place will have father, even now.  We're just lucky that HERE, in a place so [distasteful] mercenary, no one cares about what he did any more.  Hmph.  If they ever did. ANTHONY    He was never prosecuted. LYDIA    He didn't do anything worse than any other territorial governor.  He was ... made an example of.  And, being father, he refused to unbend and let some PR firm mend his reputation.  He truly believes he was, and always has been, in the right. ANTHONY    [gentle] The Venusians see it differently. LYDIA    [bitter] Oh, yes, take their side. ANTHONY    I'm not!  I just... once you've played both the good and the bad enough times, you start to see things from everyone's side.  You simply can't help yourself. SOUND    RATTLE OF GLASSES ON TRAY LYDIA    [controlled again] Here.  Father will be wondering where you got to. ANTHONY    [cajoling] Lydia-- LYDIA    [dismissing him] Mr. Hargraves. SOUND    DOOR SHUSHES OPEN, SHUT LYDIA    [heavy sigh] SOUND    DOOR OPENS AGAIN IMMEDIATELY ANTHONY    [rushing back in, hushed] How much? LYDIA    What? SOUND    DOOR SHUTS ANTHONY    [normal volume] How much did you get for Gamma Mu? LYDIA    [rueful laugh]  Turns out the old Mu line are classics.  Collectible.  They gave me 200 credits.  Would have been more, but I refused to sell it outright.  [little sigh] Yet. ANTHONY    You have hope of getting some money before the time is up? LYDIA    Hope is what we live on.  ...and memories. ANTHONY    Hmm.  [making a decision] Right. SOUND    DOOR SHUSHES OPEN AGAIN GOVERNOR    Where's Lydia? ANTHONY    She - uh- wanted to freshen up. GOVERNOR    [chuckles indulgently] "Put herself back together" as she says.  As often as she needs to do that, you'd think the girl was as badly in need of replacement parts as our poor servo robot. ANTHONY    [laughs] GOVERNOR    More likely she just wants to leave you on your own to put up with my storytelling. ANTHONY    Sir, I - GOVERNOR    No, no.  Until we made your acquaintance, young man, there was no one to tell my stories to but my poor dear Lydia, and saint that she is, she put up with it.  ANTHONY    [oh, come on]  Sir! GOVERNOR    That girl should have married, and left the nest, 20 years ago. [sadly, drifting into memory]  But after all that happened-- ANTHONY    Why don't you make us your famous Venusian aperitifs, sir? GOVERNOR    [brought back with a tiny gasp] Ah?  [befuddled] Oh, yes.  I was about to do that, wasn't I? ANTHONY    No one makes them like you do, sir. GOVERNOR    Of course not! I invented the drink.  Everyone nowadays makes these with an extract of Venusian basil - or god forbid synthetic - But I must have the real thing or nothing.  [musing again] Lydia somehow always manages to have a pinch or two ready for me, no matter the cost. ANTHONY    She is very concerned about your comfort.  Shows a great deal of character. SOUND    DOOR SHUSHES OPEN GOVERNOR    What is it you actors say?  "As if on cue?" [chuckles indulgently] ANTHONY    [chuckles] GOVERNOR    My dear, will you join us? LYDIA    I already have a drink of my own, but I might stay and keep you gentlemen company -- for a little while. ANTHONY    Certainly! GOVERNOR    Capital.  I shall make us just the two, then. ANTHONY    As many times as you've treated me to these, I should definitely reciprocate. GOVERNOR    Nonsense. ANTHONY    Or at least bring you some of the basil? GOVERNOR    No, no.  Hospitality is what you give freely, with no thought of reciprocation.  Otherwise it becomes merely [disgusted] commerce. ANTHONY    I see. LYDIA    [changing the subject]  You said you had a new show going up soon, Anthony? ANTHONY    Oh, yes.  LYDIA    [teasing a little] And what are you playing this week? ANTHONY    Guess.  [cuts them off with a sharp intake of breath] But I will warn you it has more than four limbs. LYDIA    [laughs] You and your alien roles.  Is it just the one extra, like the Venusians, or the full complement of a Martian? ANTHONY    Actually, this time I'm from Pluto. GOVERNOR    Plutonians?  But they never come this close to the sun! ANTHONY    Artistic license.  The story is a murder mystery set at a diplomatic event near the asteroid belt. GOVERNOR    [amused] What will they come up with next? LYDIA    I can understand why you have to double for a plutonian, but why not get real Martians to play Martians and real Venusians to play Venusians?  ANTHONY    Martians don't like being too close to humans, say we smell too unpleasant.  For moving pictures, you can still shoot scenes in pieces and clip them together, but in stage work it doesn't go at all. LYDIA    And all the extra body mass? ANTHONY    Elementary rotoscoping replacement on film, Padding and exoskeleton on stage.  Simple servo mechanical movements.  And of course the voice changer.  GOVERNOR    [half asleep] Wonder of wonders. ANTHONY    And most people have only seen them - either Venusians or martians - on screen. LYDIA    But isn't that expensive? ANTHONY    Well, if all else fails, if there's just the one extra arm, you stick it in a sling and pretend it is broken. LYDIA    [laughs for real] GOVERNOR    [splutters a bit, waking, then]  That is just what I like to hear, my dear. ANTHONY    The problem with using real Venusians in any kind of show - well, their artistic culture is one of unfettered improvisation and sudden impulse - they haven't really adjusted to the concept of scripted material.  [realizing he's getting into potentially bad territory] They've ... only dealt with a written language... for a very short time. GOVERNOR    [sigh, then regretful]  That was one of the reasons for such a debate about accepting them as a truly sentient and evolved species.  ANTHONY    [eager] Yes? GOVERNOR    Having some form of recordation of history and science - we don't include fiction as being necessary for sentience, you understand?   ANTHONY    [joking] A lot of people don't. GOVERNOR    [slight indulgent chuckle]  You see, as they had no recording system that we could fathom, it was hard to be entirely certain that they weren't simply bright, imitative animals. ANTHONY    Which was why you were put in charge of the planet. GOVERNOR    I ran a tight ship, and made that planet [sigh, reminiscing fondly] one of the most profitable in the entire solar system. MUSIC SCENE 2.    AMB    GOVERNOR'S HOME GOVERNOR    [querulous] Where's young Anthony got to?  Haven't seen him in weeks. LYDIA    [amused] He's been filming again, papa.  And he's not precisely "young".  He's my age. GOVERNOR    Yes, I have been meaning to talk to you about that.  You could do worse than that young fellow. LYDIA    Papa! GOVERNOR    Actor or not, he's a fine young man.  Knows how to treat his elders properly.  Shows respect.  [i] Like him. LYDIA    Father, I am hardly young either, I-- GOVERNOR    Should have married and left the nest a donkey's years back.  Precisely.  LYDIA    I can't leave you alone, papa.  [trying to be funny, but starting to sound teary] At least not until they fix the robot. GOVERNOR    [gently] You mean at least not until I have gone on to a better place, don't you? LYDIA    [almost crying] Papa! GOVERNOR    I am old, my child, and I realize that there will come an end.  Not today, or tomorrow, but I don't want to see you spending your time in regrets because you clung to this sinking spar when you could have been taken off in a lifeboat. [Silence] LYDIA    [trying to change the subject]  I'm sure... Anthony will come back and visit again soon.     GOVERNOR    [befuddled now] What was it you said he was doing? LYDIA    [relieved] Filming, papa. He said he'd be gone for a month while they made a movie. GOVERNOR    Will we be able to see it? LYDIA    If it broadcasts on one of the stations we can receive. GOVERNOR    [grumbling] Used to be more channels.  I swear I recall- LYDIA    Yes papa!  There were, but most of them have become so ... violent and unpleasant.  I canceled them. GOVERNOR    You are such a sensitive young lady. LYDIA    [deep sigh, melancholy] Yes. MUSIC SCENE 3.    AMB    GOVERNOR'S HOME SOUND    CLEANING, WASH BUCKET SOUND    SPACE AGE DOORBELL LYDIA    Huh?  SOUND    FEET, INTERCOM LYDIA    Who is it? ANTHONY     [on intercom]  Me!  I mean Mr. Hargraves.  I just got back and have a copy of my new film.  I thought I might bring it over and show it to you - you both. LYDIA    You can't come in now!  Neither of us is ... prepared to see company.  You know how papa insists on being in full governor regalia to entertain! ANTHONY    Gosh, I'm sorry!  I only wanted to surprise you. LYDIA    Surprise us again in an hour, if you please. ANTHONY    [laughing] Anything to oblige a lady! SOUND    INTERCOM OFF. LYDIA    Oh, goodness.  How will I ever get the cleaning finished?  SOUND    HURRIES AWAY LYDIA    [off slightly] Papa?  You might wish to prepare yourself for company! MUSIC SCENE 4.    AMB    GOVERNOR'S HOME SOUND    TV TURNS ON, TUBE WARMS UP GOVERNOR    [querulous] What was this movie about? ANTHONY    [eager] You'll just have to see.  I think you'll like it. SOUND    MUSIC CHANGES GOVERNOR    Oh, my.  The old place. ANTHONY    They found some cracking stock footage. GOVERNOR    Can you make it a bit bigger?  My eyes aren't what they once were. ANTHONY    [really proud] Absolutely sir.  I want you to be able to see this! ANNOUNCER    Many people think they know about the early days of the Venus colony, but all they really know is the rumors. GOVERNOR    [a bit annoyed] What? LYDIA    Oh, no. ANTHONY    Shh-shh!  This is the good part! ANTHONY    [on screen, sounding exactly like the Governor]  Hospitality is what you give freely, with no thought of reciprocation.  Otherwise it becomes merely [disgusted] commerce. GOVERNOR    [low growl] What have you done? ANTHONY    [completely surprised] Sir?   ANTHONY    [on screen]  I invented this drink, you know. GOVERNOR    Get out! ANTHONY    You don't understand!  All I wanted to do was show the reality under all the terrible stories that people bandied about - show the humanity! GOVERNOR    Get OUT! LYDIA    You had better go. ANTHONY    At least let me reward you for the help you gave me - even though you didn't know you were doing it. GOVERNOR    Are you insinuating you will pay me for this impersonation?  For stealing my -my - entire ---[splutters]  LYDIA    Shh!  Shh!  Father.  [a little frantic] Mr. Hargraves, you are no longer welcome in this house.  Leave! SOUND    DOOR SHUSHES OPEN SOUND    HE TAKES A COUPLE OF STEPS GOVERNOR    [off slightly] For this LAMPOON! ANTHONY    [wince noise] [quiet] Lydia? LYDIA    Don't! ANTHONY    I thought this would be a way to help you.  Both of you. LYDIA    [quietly furious] Help?  By driving papa into a veritable fit?  Go! MUSIC SCENE 5.    AMB    GOVERNOR'S HOME GOVERNOR    [sounding weaker] Lydia?  LYDIA    [worried] Yes, Papa? GOVERNOR    Lydia?  Hasn't young Anthony visited? LYDIA    No, papa.  [lying] He - he's been away for the last week, filming. GOVERNOR    Again?  Did we see his last film? LYDIA    Yes, papa.  It was very nice. GOVERNOR    Good, good.  He's a nice young man.  You could do worse. LYDIA    I know, papa. SOUND    DOORBELL GOVERNOR    Who's there? LYDIA    I'll go and see. GOVERNOR    Are we expecting someone?  Is that why I'm in my uniform? LYDIA    [whispered aside] I just thought it might make you feel better.  [up]  We weren't expecting anyone so early. SOUND    INTERCOM ON LYDIA    Hello? MAC BAC    [alien voice] Greetings.  Is this the living place of Previous Governor Pendleton? LYDIA    [panicky] Oh! what now?  SOUND    PUSHES BUTTON LYDIA    [Striving to keep calm] This - um - yes - this is the place you are looking for. MAC BAC    Is the Previous Governor available?  I would like to speak with him. LYDIA    He's not feeling well today-- GOVERNOR    [more perky sounding] Lydia?  Is that a Venusian voice.  How interesting!  Let's see what the green fellow has to say for himself, eh? LYDIA    [sigh]  Yes papa.  SOUND    INTERCOM ON LYDIA    Please come in. SOUND    DOOR SHUSHES OPEN SOUND    WEIRD NOISE OF STRANGE MOVEMENT AS IT ENTERS. GOVERNOR    [grunt as he gets up] LYDIA    Papa!  You don't have to--! GOVERNOR    Nonsense.  It is only common courtesy to meet a guest on your feet.  [up]  Greetings.  May I ask what occasions this visit?  You are very far from your home world. MAC BAC    Many years have passed, previous governor.  And yet you have not changed so much.  Do you not recall Mac Bac?  This one was an aide in the mansion. LYDIA    [surprised] Oh! GOVERNOR    My stars!  Yes!  Oh, Mac Bac.  [delighted]  I never thought to see anyone from those days again.  Why don't you-- [falters] LYDIA    [hurriedly picks up]  Would you like a bench to accommodate your form? MAC BAC    This one would be most grateful. GOVERNOR    Would you be a dear and bring us some refreshment, Lydia? LYDIA    Certainly. SOUND    BUSTLES OUT GOVERNOR    Now that we are alone, what is it that brought you here? MAC BAC    This one has come to repay a debt, previous governor. GOVERNOR    A debt?  I cannot think of anything-- MAC BAC    When your office made your departure, you gifted Mac Bac with a number of items. GOVERNOR    Oh, yes....  I seem to remember... MAC BAC    Among those was a vehicle, given as you could not transport it off planet. GOVERNOR    Yes!  Now I recall.  I apologize for my forgetfulness, but it has been a very long time. MAC BAC    This visit is to repay that gift. GOVERNOR    Repay? MAC BAC    The previous governor said at the time that if a gift was unacceptable, the vehicle could be considered a loan to be repaid at a later date.  Many years have passed, for the previous governor's location is not easily uncovered.  GOVERNOR    [truly touched]  And you came all this way to pay me for my old hovercar? MAC BAC    The vehicle became the center of a profitable business, transporting visiting dignitaries.  After some years, more vehicles, more transporting.  Mac Bac has become very comfortable, as you say, and it came upon this one a desire to travel.  Travel without purpose is enjoyable, but achieving a goal is more so. GOVERNOR    [slightly condescending] You have come a long way to pay back such a slight debt.  The car couldn't have been worth more than a hundred credits. MAC BAC    Considered as a loan, or even an investment in the business of Mac Bac, this hundred  credits has grown like a precocious fern monkey over the past many years. LYDIA    How much? GOVERNOR    Do not be crude, dear.  Never mind the amount, it is the thought that is important.  Whatever you feel is necessary to pay, Mac Bac, will be more than enough. MAC BAC    This one has had the tabulations done, and this is the amount which is correct. SOUND    METAL SET DOWN LYDIA    [gasp] GOVERNOR    B-but Mac Bac-- MAC BAC    One Thousand credits. GOVERNOR    But surely you-- MAC BAC    Mac Bac does not take charity.  This one must even all debts before end of life comes, or debts will follow to next world. GOVERNOR    Oh.  Yes.  We are all getting a bit old, are we not? LYDIA    Father! GOVERNOR    Lydia, why don't you go and do something for yourself and leave us old fellows to talk.  I'm quite certain that we shall bore you to tears with our stuffy old stories.  Eh, Mac Bac? MAC BAC    Indeed.  Old times become very close when one approaches the fading of the light. MUSIC SCENE 6.    AMB    HUSHED CROWD SOUND    QUICK WOMAN'S FOOTSTEPS, SHUSH OF DOOR LYDIA    [crying] SOUND    DOOR SHUSHES SHUT LYDIA    Oh, father what will I-- [cuts off with a gasp] ANTHONY    Lydia!  I'm so sorry I'm late.  I didn't hear until Wednesday, and I couldn't get transport. LYDIA    You're here?  Even after father drove you out? ANTHONY    I can't begrudge him his pride. I just hope that he might have forgiven me, at the end. LYDIA    I think-- I'm sure he forgot the entire incident. ANTHONY    [sad realization]  Forgot.  Yes. LYDIA    He would have forgiven you, though!  Father was never a vindictive man. ANTHONY    You, at least, know I never meant the play as any kind of insult.  LYDIA    I - I guess.  I never got to see more than that opening.  He was so furious. ANTHONY    But you - you will forgive me, won't you?  I would be mortified if we couldn't get past this. LYDIA    I... [small self-deprecating laugh]  I can't stay mad at you.  And I certainly don't have so many friends that I can throw one away over such a ... trifle. ANTHONY    Good. LYDIA    And...  and from the little I did see-- [trails off] ANTHONY    Yes? LYDIA    [uncomfortable, blushing]  Oh, just that you did a very good -  you did the acting very well.  ANTHONY    [warm]  I'm glad you didn't hate it.  LYDIA    Of course I didn't!  Don't tease so! ANTHONY    I promise.  [beat, changing subject]  Well.  At least he had some good days, there at the end.  [prompting]  And you look like things are going a little better.  Was that Gamma mu I saw, standing by the casket? LYDIA    [pleased but sad] Yes.  We were very lucky.  Father came into some unexpected money. ANTHONY    [way too pleased] I know. LYDIA    What?  How did you hear? ANTHONY    [eager] You really didn't know?  LYDIA    [horrified realization] You - you paid that Venusian! ANTHONY    [barely contained excitement]  Oh, you really underestimate me, Lydia.  Didn't you believe me when I said I do very well in alien roles? CLOSING

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - The Leech - Reissue

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2022 45:26


Adapted by Julie Hoverson from a story by Phillips Barbee (pseudonym of Robert Sheckley) Published in Galaxy Science Fiction, December 1952   Classic era science fiction about a very odd visitor from outer space.   Cast List Professor Michaels - Grant Baciocco (Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd) Frank Connors - Bryan Hendrickson Mrs. Jones - Kimberly Poole (Warp'd Space) Sheriff Flynn - Glen Hallstrom General O'Donnell - Chuck Burke Allenson, scientist - Cary Ayers Moriarty, physicist - Eleiece Krawiec Brigadier-General - H. Keith Lyons Driver - Cary Ayers Soldier1 - John Carroll Soldier2 - Lothar Tuppan Pilot - Mark Olson The Leech - Suzanne Dunn, Will Watt, James Sedgwick, Julie Hoverson Many thanks to Project Gutenberg and Librivox for curating these classic stories. [Link to The Leech in short sci fi collection 24 at Librivox] Music by  misterscott99 [Thanx to Steve Guy for suggesting searching YouTube for a Theramin artist!!] Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock   "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a cabin in upstate New York, can't you tell?" ************************************************ The Leech By Phillips Barbee (Robert Sheckley), Galaxy Science Fiction December 1952 Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] The Leech Frank Connors, assistant Professor Michaels, anthropologist Mrs. Jones, housekeeper Sheriff Flynn / Jerry General O'Donnell / driver Allenson, scientist Moriarty, atomic physicist [bring in the leech voice, subtle, under the opening credits] LEECH A LEECH    hungry.  Empty.  hungry.  Empty. hungry.  hungry.  Empty [repeats under] OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a professor's rural retreat, circa 1952, can't you tell?  LEECH    falling falling falling heat impact FOOD!  ...eat. MUSIC STING   1_BIG NEWS AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS, BREEZE, CREAK OF HAMMOCK SOUND    [OFF A BIT]  KNOCK ON DOOR, SCREEN DOOR OPENS MRS. JONES    What? FRANK     Where's the prof?  I have to talk to him! MRS. JONES    You can give me his mail, young man. FRANK    But this is big news! MRS. JONES    If it's school business-- FRANK    It's not! MRS. JONES    It can still wait.  This is Professor Michaels' resting week, and you know it.  SOUND    SCREEN DOOR SLAMS MRS. JONES    [fading out] Bad enough those army convoys have to drive by at all hours of the day and night. FRANK    Wait!  Oh, heck. SOUND    A COUPLE OF STEPS ON WOOD PROF    [sigh] [calling]  Conners?  What the devil are you on about? SOUND    FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL FRANK     Oh!  Professor!  Say - I'm awfully sorry to disturb you, but there's something damn funny out in the ditch. PROF    Ditch? SOUND    DOOR OPENS MRS. JONES    Oh, you!  I told him to go, professor! PROF    It's all right, Mrs. Jones.  I'll handle this. MRS. JONES    Dinner in half an hour!  You know how you get when you don't eat. SOUND    DOOR SHUTS FRANK     So, the ditch.  Didja hear me?  There's something weird. PROF    Of course I heard you.  [sigh]  You found a pixie.  Feed him some milk, and go away. FRANK     No sir, I think it's a... a rock. PROF    A rock.  In the road.  How quaint.  FRANK    But sir-- PROF    [annoyed, but languid]  What is your job, Frank? FRANK    Sir? PROF    If you don't know, then perhaps I should hire someone else. FRANK    I'm to keep everyone off you while you relax.  See to the mail, the shopping. PROF    And does any of that involve spotting "rocks"? FRANK    No. PROF    Warning me of rocks? FRANK    No. PROF    Protecting me from rocks? FRANK    No, but-- PROF    So move the rock and get on with your-- FRANK    But sir, I tried!  See? SOUND    SHOVEL MOVEMENT PROF    [sigh] what?  [sharper] What? SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN MRS. JONES    What on god's green earth did you do to my shovel, young man? FRANK    I didn't do anything.  The rock thing did! MUSIC   LEECH B SOUND    [UNDER] FEET ON GRAVEL LEECH    food dull food warm light FOOD cold dark food slow food sloooooow... MUSIC   2_THE LEECH AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS SOUND    WALKING QUICKLY FRANK    [a bit breathless] I really wouldn't have bothered you for just nothing, but look! SOUND    DOINK ON METAL FRANK    Two inches!  It melted two inches right off! SOUND    FEET HALT PROF    [incredulous] That?  FRANK    That!  You can see it better from up close. PROF    Shh!  SOUND    SLOWER FOOTSTEPS PROF    [whispered] Do you hear anything? FRANK    [whispered] No.  I mean, not beyond birds and things. PROF    [grim] Neither do I. FRANK    So? PROF    [brighter]  Well, it's indicative of something, isn't it? SOUND    BRISKER FOOTSTEPS PROF    You have a notebook on you?  FRANK    No. PROF    Anything to write on? FRANK    Uh, no.  Just - just your mail. PROF    Here.  SOUND    SHUFFLE ENVELOPES PROF    No... no... no... Ah.  Here.  They won't notice if I don't respond. SOUND    SLAPS PAPER INTO HAND FRANK    Okay. PROF    We have what appears to be a round item of a stone-like appearance.  Greyish-black and striated. SOUND    JUGGLE SHOVEL, WRITING NOISES FRANK    Gotcha. PROF    [dictating] Sitting in the ditch.  Nearest edge, say, three feet off the road. FRANK    It's a bit farther than that, isn't it? PROF    I wouldn't say so. FRANK    [acquiescing] Okay. PROF    About the size of a truck tire. FRANK    No, really now, I think you have your proportions mixed up... SOUND    WALKS FORWARD FRANK    [dismayed] Oh. PROF    What?  Think I'm getting senile or something? FRANK    No, just... PROF    "Just" is not quantifiable.  Just spit it out. FRANK    It was smaller.  Before. PROF    How much smaller? FRANK    I dunno - an inch maybe.  But definitely smaller. PROF    Find me a stick. FRANK    A... stick? PROF    Here. [give me that] SOUND    TAKES SHOVEL FRANK    Don't touch it! PROF    I'm not planning to.  Not yet. SOUND    A COUPLE OF STEPS, DRAGGING SOUND PROF    As you observe, I am drawing a line approximately three inches beyond the edge of the thing. FRANK    [noting] Three inches.  Got it. PROF    Now, we'll have something to measure by in case it grows again. FRANK    Right. PROF    Now.  Let's see what happens. SOUND    METAL ON STONE - SORT OF SOUND    SIZZLING NOISE PROF    It's not unyielding - the shovel seems to sink in-- FRANK    Oh no it's not! SOUND    SCRAPE PROF    What?  Aha!  You're right.  It's not sinking in, it's being melted away.  Gives the same impression.  Odd how the mind interprets things.... FRANK    I think it just got bigger. PROF    Really? FRANK    I was watching, and I think it swelled a little. PROF    Could be heat waves.  I suspect something like this would reflect like asphalt.  But let's test it.  The shovel's not good for much any more anyway. SOUND    METAL ON STONE GRATE, SIZZLING FRANK    Don't touch it! PROF    My hand is nowhere near touching it.  I merely want to see... FRANK    Look!  It's getting larger!  I can see it! SOUND    WOOD ON STONE PROF    [impressed] Well!  [clinical] But it generates no appreciable heat.  Odd.  I would assume some sort of acidic chemical reaction, which would almost invariably generate heat.  FRANK    And it grew!  Just a fraction of an inch-- PROF    I was paying attention to other things.  [sigh] SOUND    WOOD LANDS ON STONE, SIZZLING FRANK    D'you see it swelling? PROF    I doubt there was enough left of that handle to do much.  What else--? FRANK    Rocks? PROF    Sound thinking. SOUND    PICK UP SOME ROCKS, DROP THEM, SIZZLE FRANK    Isn't that just about the damnedest thing you ever saw, Professor?  What do you think it is? PROF    It's no stone...  I'm going to phone the college and ask a physics man about it.  Or a biologist. I'd like to get rid of that thing before it spoils my lawn. MUSIC   LEECH C LEECH    food sharp food fall food lie food move moist food dry food grow food air grow bigger grow.... wake! MUSIC   3_BACON AMBIANCE    IN PROF'S HOUSE SOUND    DISTANT POUNDING ON DOOR MRS. JONES    What is it?  SOUND    BUSTLING THROUGH HOUSE SOUND    DOOR YANKED OPEN MRS. JONES    You better have a brilliant explanation for this-- FRANK    Absolutely vital.  Professor Michaels knows‑‑ PROF    I'm coming.  It had better be particularly important to drag me away from Mrs. Jones' bacon. MRS. JONES    [amused annoyance] And Mrs. Jones better leave you boys to your business and see to her bacon before it all burns away. SOUND    BUSTLES OFF FRANK    It's nearly eighteen feet across! PROF    The thing? FRANK    Yup!  PROF    I was trying some acids on it yesterday, and nothing seemed to even ruffle it. FRANK    None of them? PROF    Nope.  I'll finagle a bacon sandwich or two and we'll head out presently. MUSIC   LEECH D LEECH    so small.  how is one so small.  one was large.  one was grand.  Miniscule now.  Hungry.  sooooo hungry.  food is slow. Dull.  Eat... MUSIC   4_SHERIFF AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS, AT THE SITE FRANK    See what I mean? PROF    Seems the larger it gets, the faster it grows.  Not surprising, if what I suspect is happening is true. FRANK    What's that?  PROF    Say it absorbs whatever it touches.  The more surface area, the more it can touch, the more it can absorb. FRANK    That's not good.  It's like some kind of... of leech. PROF    I don't know that I would characterize it so narrowly just yet, Frank-- SOUND    CAR DRIVES UP, STOPS FRANK    Morning Sheriff! SHERIFF    Morning.  What the devil is this? PROF    Don't know.  Just showed up. SHERIFF    Ha. Ha.  We gotta get it out of the road!  Something like this, you can't let it block the road.  The Army's gotta use this road. FRANK    We didn't-- PROF    Shh.  [up, dry] Terribly sorry.  Go right ahead and move it, Sheriff. But be careful. It's hot. FRANK    [quiet] Hot? PROF    [quiet] Close enough. SHERIFF    Should just be able to-- SOUND    OPENS TRUNK SHERIFF    Where is the--? FRANK    [quiet] Shouldn't we warn him? PROF    [quiet] We'll stop him if he goes to touch it.  But if he doesn't see for himself, he'll never buy it. FRANK    Oh. MUSIC   LEECH E SOUND    [UNDER] METAL HITTING STONE, GUNSHOTS SHERIFF    [frustrated noise] LEECH    slow food.  fast!  energy impact.  ahhhhhh.  more.   more hit.  more energy.  give! MUSIC   5_MONKEY'S UNCLE AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS, AT THE SITE SHERIFF    Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. PROF    [quiet] That would make deputy Jerry, there, "cheetah".   FRANK    [snickers] PROF    Ready to listen yet, sheriff? SOUND    ARMY CONVOY APPROACHING SHERIFF    What?  Hey look!  NOW we'll get some action! PROF    [quiet] That's rather what I'm afraid of. MUSIC   LEECH F SOUND     [UNDER]     CONVOY STOPS, IDLES, DOORS OPEN, ETC. LEECH    more energy.  more food.  need.  senses very dim.  Thoughts very dim.  grow.  waken more.  food. MUSIC   6_ARMY AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS, AT THE SITE O'DONNELL    You can't block this road.  Clear that away. PROF    Sorry.  It's not ours.  And we can't seem to do anything with it. O'DONNELL    What in sam hill is it? FRANK    A leech. SHERIFF    A what? PROF    [annoyed but covering] Simply a name to refer to it by - we have no real idea what it is. O'DONNELL    But you've tried moving it? PROF    Every way we could think of. O'DONNELL    Crowbar? FRANK    Didn't help. O'DONNELL    Blowtorch? PROF    More or less.  No effect. O'DONNELL    Gunshot? SHERIFF    Sad to say... O'DONNELL    [calling orders] Driver?  Ride over that thing. FRANK    But sir! PROF    Shh. SOUND    JEEP STARTS INTO GEAR FRANK    [to prof] We have to stop him! PROF    You thought the sheriff was bad, having to see it first?  This is the military. FRANK    Oh. SOUND    JEEP ROLLS FORWARD SLOWLY, TAKES A BUMP, THEN HALTS, SIZZLING SNEAKS IN, UNDER. O'DONNELL    [bellowing] I didn't tell you to stop! DRIVER    I didn't stop it, sir! O'DONNELL    Get moving! DRIVER    It's stalled out sir! PROF    General?  Pardon me, but if you look closely, you'll see that the tires are melting down. SOUND    POP, HISS OF TIRE FRANK    Yikes! O'DONNELL    Criminee!  [orders] Driver!  Jump clear!  Don't touch any of that grey stuff! MUSIC   LEECH G SOUND     [UNDER] DRIVER CLIMBS ONTO HOOD OF CAR AND JUMPS LEECH    large food.  energy.  much movement.  nice.  hungry.  more large?  Need food.  waking waking... more self, more hungry.  need food MUSIC   7_JEEP AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS, AT THE SITE SOUND    CAR SLOWLY SINKING INTO THE THING, MUCH SIZZLING DRIVER    It's up to the chassis already! O'DONNELL    How fast can it eat? PROF    [quiet] you are keeping track aren't you? FRANK    Sure thing, professor!  It's been about three minutes, give or take a few. PROF    Make a note - Frank needs a stopwatch. FRANK    Oh.  Ok.  Right. SOUND    SCRIBBLING O'DONNELL    You called this thing a leech, professor? PROF    As I said, it is nothing but a name to refer to it by. O'DONNELL    But it is leeching, far as I can tell - eating anything that gets near it. PROF    Which bodes rather ill for the underside. O'DONNELL    Whazzat? PROF    You're only thinking about things that get near it on the top - who knows how far below this thing may have eaten away the dirt, or even the bedrock. FRANK    Dirt and stones do seem to digest a bit slower. O'DONNELL    You've been experimenting with it, eh?  Did you by any chance MAKE this thing with one of your experiments, professor? PROF    [sigh]  First, general, I am not that type of scientist.  I am a professor of anthropology.  I do, however, understand scientific method and felt that if we established some parameters up front, such as rate of growth, speed of dissolution, etc., we might be able to more easily convince some of my hard science colleagues to come and have a look. O'DONNELL    [after a pause] So you say. SOUND    MARCHES OFF FRANK    You did that on purpose, didn't you?  PROF    [over innocent] did what? FRANK    Oh, no - don't play innocent!  I've seen you lecture someone til their eyes glazed over, before this! PROF    [chuckle] DRIVER    [background]  There goes the aerial! SOUND    SIZZLING OUT O'DONNELL    [commands, off] You!  DRIVER    Sir!  Yes sir! O'DONNELL    [commands, off] Go back and have some men bring up hand grenades and dynamite! DRIVER    Yes sir! FRANK    That will get it! PROF    I am not so sure. O'DONNELL    [from off, yelling to prof] I don't know what you've got here, but it's not going to stop a U.S. Army convoy! PROF    I pray he's right. MUSIC   LEECH H SOUND UNDER    EXPLOSIONS - HAND GRENADES AND DYNAMITE LEECH    waking more.  thinking more.  sensing more.  hungry. [boom] food!  yes yes food! [boom]  Ahhhhh eat and grow.  [bullets] mass and movement.  energy.  more.  yes.  please!  [huge explosion]  yesssssss! MUSIC   8_EVACUATE AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS, NEAR PROF'S HOUSE SOUND    WOOD CRACKING THROUGHOUT UNDER MRS. JONES    Well, I never. PROF    Did you get everything moved out all right? MRS. JONES    Well, yes, but I've cooked for you in that very house for nearly ten years now.  Where am I supposed to feel at home?  Where are you? [supposed to feel at home] PROF    [muttered] That may not be a problem for long. SOUND    HUGE CRACK, SHATTER OF GLASS MRS. JONES    There goes the front porch!  Who would have thought such a terrible thing could spread so darn far? PROF    The government surely didn't. MRS. JONES    It looks like one of them - what's the word?  Blasted heath.  Yes.  That's exactly what a blasted heath would look like. PROF    [musing] Or a cooled lava flow.  [snapping out] Either way, it's pretty darn blasted. MRS. JONES    Blasted leech. SOUND    FEET ARRIVING PROF    I do wish people would stop calling it that. SOLDIER    Pardon me, sir?  General O'Donnell would like to see you at the command post. PROF    Right.  I already know the end to this little melodrama.  [to soldier] See to it Mrs. Jones gets back to the city, will you? SOLDIER    Sir, I'm supposed to escort you-- PROF    But I know where I'm going.  She does not. SOLDIER    Yes, sir! MUSIC   LEECH I SOUND    CRUSHING HOUSE UNDER LEECH    slow food.  want fast food.  more awake now.  why no more fast come.  good energy.  big food.  hungry.  more food make more pieces.  more pieces make more hungry.  more hungry wants more food.  MUSIC   9_PERIMETER AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS, AT THE EDGE OF THE LARGER SITE SOUND    CROWD NOISE, FADING IN PROF    What's that over there? SOLDIER2    Perimeter.  Barbed wire.  Half mile out. PROF    I doubt the barbed wire is making all that noise. SOLDIER2    Oh, them.  Reporters.  Rubberneckers. FRANK    [calling from off] Professor! PROF    Assistants. SOLDIER2    You need assistance? PROF    Just my assistant.  Let him in would you? SOLDIER2    I don't have any orders-- PROF    Well, he takes all my notes, so I guess I'll have to stay within earshot.  Which ends about here. SOLDIER2    But the general-- PROF    Will it be easier to move the general, or my assistant, do you think? SOLDIER2    Um... MUSIC   10_HQ AMBIANCE    INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT SOUND    TENT FLAP SWOOP, PROF AND FRANK ENTER TENT O'DONNELL    I've been put in charge of operation leech.  Ah, professor... and...? PROF    My assistant.  He is also the one who found this thing in the first place.  Absolutely indispensable. FRANK    Hi. O'DONNELL    Is he trustworthy? PROF    Think of him as my right arm. FRANK    The one he writes with. O'DONNELL    You're a professor, right? PROF    Yes. Anthropology. O'DONNELL    Good.  I'd like you to stay around in an advisory capacity.  I'd appreciate your observations on the... enemy. PROF    I think this is more in the line of a physicist or a biochemist. O'DONNELL    I don't want this place cluttered up with scientists.  FRANK    But he isn't-- O'DONNELL    Don't get me wrong. I have the greatest appreciation for science. I am, if I do say so, a scientific soldier. I'm always interested in the latest weapons. You can't fight any kind of a war any more without science. PROF    Of course not. O'DONNELL    But I can't have a team of longhairs poking around this thing for the next month, holding me up. My job is to destroy it, by any means in my power, and at once. I am going to do just that. PROF    I don't think it will be that easy. O'DONNELL    That's what you're here for.  Tell me what the problem is, and I'll figure out how to solve it. FRANK    [muttered] Usually a scientist's job. PROF    Very well.  As far as I can figure out, this thing-- O'DONNELL    The leech. PROF    It isn't really-- O'DONNELL    It's the codename. FRANK    [muttered] I'm the one who called it that in the first place. PROF    The "leech" appears to be an organic mass-energy converter, and a frighteningly efficient one.  I'm guessing here, and keep in mind that this is really not my-- O'DONNELL    Get on with it. PROF    It appears to convert external mass into energy, then back into its own internal mass.  Energy is directly converted into the body mass.  How this takes place, I do not know.  The leech is not protoplasmic.  It may not even be cellular-- O'DONNELL    So we need something big against it.  That's all right, then.  I've got plenty of big stuff here. FRANK    Oh boy! PROF    I don't think you understand me.  Let me rephrase.  [intense] The leech eats energy!  It will consume any energy weapon you use against it. O'DONNELL    [considering]  And what happens if it keeps on eating? PROF    I think it will only be limited by its food source. O'DONNELL    So when it runs out, we'll all be safe? PROF    When it runs out, we'll all be gone. MUSIC   LEECH J LEECH    senses growing.  Feel moving food.  Sitting food.  Food near.  Food far.  Waiting for food to come near.  Hungrrrrry. MUSIC   11_NEED HELP AMBIANCE    INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT PROF    I insist you contact some physicists.  Biologists and chemists too.  Give them a chance to figure out how to nullify it.  I can give you some names. O'DONNELL    I don't have time to wait while a passel of scientists wrangle!  I have this axiom - Muster enough force, and anything will give.  Anything. FRANK    [muttered] Military thinking. O'DONNELL    [pleased] Thanks. PROF    [sigh] But I am not that kind of-- O'DONNELL    Don't sell yourself short, Prof!  And don't underestimate the army.  We have, massed under North Hill - right over there - the greatest accumulation of energy and radioactive weapons ever assembled in one spot.  I bet even this leech won't withstand the full force of all that. FRANK    [worried] Professor? PROF    [doubtful] I suppose it could be possible to overload the thing.  O'DONNELL    [smug] I'll go and give some orders.  We're gonna crack that leech in half! SOUND    HE LEAVES FRANK    Did he listen to a single thing you said? PROF    [sigh] He is the military. FRANK    Then why are you - we - even here? PROF    I fear the general wants to be able to say he consulted a scientist.  I'm convenient since I can't possibly have a relevant opinion. MUSIC   LEECH K SOUND    [UNDER] RAY GUNS, EXPLOSIONS, ETC. LEECH    Fooooood!  Rich food!  Needing more!  Ray food, energy food, liquid food!  Needing more!  More food makes more hungry!!!!  Sensing.  Sensing for food.  Ahhhh.  THERE. MUSIC   12_STOCKPILE AMBIANCE    INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT O'DONNELL    [incredulous and furious] It did what?  SOUND    NANA OF VOICE ON WALKIE-TALKIE. FRANK    It flew! PROF    It might be better described as a type of hovering. O'DONNELL    Shh!  Over and out. SOUND    WALKIE SQUAWK - OFF PROF    [resigned] Where did it go? O'DONNELL    The damned fools!  Why'd they have to panic?  You'd think they'd never been trained! FRANK    They couldn't exactly expect that! PROF    [urgent] Where? O'DONNELL    North Hill.  [angry sigh]  Our armory. FRANK    But that's a whole mile away! PROF    At least.  O'DONNELL    Sixty-seven men died!  And the leech just - just jumped there! PROF    I still say it hovered.  It definitely moved with some sort of self-propulsion. FRANK    I'll write that down. PROF    The way it looked, it floated across the sky, blacking out the sun, and then, when it reached its goal, it simply dropped. O'DONNELL    [snarling] How can you be so clinical about this? FRANK    I - I- PROF    It's OUR job to take notes for the scientists you will eventually have to call in. MUSIC   LEECH L LEECH    So good!  So nice!  Rich food.  Much energy.  Growwww.  Yessss.  Ahhhh.  More cells.  Now, more hungry. MUSIC   13_EXPERTS AMBIANCE    INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT SOUND    PACING O'DONNELL    Haven't those eggheads made up their minds yet? We've had to evacuate six nearby farms. FRANK    It's not like choosing a tie. O'DONNELL    But they're the experts! PROF    No one's an expert on this.  It's never happened before.  The physicists consider it a biological matter, and the biologists seem to think the chemists should have the answer.  We can't even agree on whose problem it is! O'DONNELL    It's the military's problem!  I don't give a hang what the thing is!  I just want to know how to destroy it!  [offhand] They better give me permission to use the bomb. SOUND    STRIDES OFF FRANK    Will that work? PROF    Well, I have a theory. FRANK    Yes? PROF    Which I hope will remain a theory. FRANK    How can I make notes if you don't tell me? PROF    The Bomb might overload it.  MIGHT destroy it.  Or give it what it needs to grow big enough to devour the entire continent.  Sooner.  SOUND    FEET STRIDE BACK O'DONNELL    Still talking!  Gah!  I've been pushing for the Bomb for a week now!  And I'll get it, but not til they run out of doubletalk! FRANK    Could be a while. O'DONNELL    [intense] I am going to destroy that leech.  I am going to SMASH it, if it's the last thing I do!  It's gone beyond national security now.  THIS is personal. SOUND    STRIDES OFF PROF    I knew you shouldn't have named it. FRANK    Why? PROF    Once you name something, you get to thinking you KNOW it.  And no matter how much you think you won't, you start applying traits to it.  Anthropomorphizing it.  Attaching motives and feelings to it. FRANK    Who says it doesn't feel? PROF    It does. O'DONNELL    [from off] Here come the bright boys now! MUSIC   LEECH M LEECH    So big.  Big now.  Big makes hungry.  So much to fill.  So much to feed.  Need more.  More good rich food. MUSIC   14_SCIENTISTS AMBIANCE    INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT O'DONNELL    Well, have you figured out what it is yet? ALLENSON    [weary sarcasm] Just a minute - I'll hack off a sample.  Hah. O'DONNELL    [exasperated] Have you figured out some scientific way of killing it? MORIARTY    [dry, offhand] Oh, that wasn't difficult at all.  FRANK    Really? MORIARTY    Wrap it in a perfect vacuum.  That'll do the trick.  Or blow it off the earth with anti-gravity. FRANK    Can they really? PROF    Don't be silly. ALLENSON    Failing that, we suggest you use your atomic bombs and use them fast. O'DONNELL    Yes!  [vainly trying to curb his enthusiasm]  Is that the opinion of the entire think tank? MORIARTY    [sigh]  Yes. SOUND    GENERAL HURRIES OFF ALLENSON    He should have called us in immediately!  There's no time to consider anything but force now. PROF    Have you come to any conclusions about the nature of this thing? MORIARTY    Only general ones.  Very much in line with your notes and conclusions.  ALLENSON    As you mentioned, it's a perfect converter--it can transform mass into energy, and any energy into mass. MORIARTY     Naturally that's impossible and I have figures to prove it.  We're positing that this thing was in some dormant spore-stage until it was pulled in by the earth's gravity. ALLENSON    Incidentally, we should be damned grateful that it didn't land in the ocean.  We'd have been eaten out of house and home-- FRANK    Literally. ALLENSON    --before we even knew what we were looking for. PROF    [musing] I wonder how long it will take him to get permission to use the bomb. MUSIC   LEECH N LEECH    slow grow.  Hungry.  No grow.  Dull food not enough.  Want more.  Want grow.  Want be big again. MUSIC   15_BOMBS AMBIANCE    INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT O'DONNELL    Brigadier-General, with all due respect sir, how many MORE scientists can there be?  We've been waiting for-- BRIG-GENERAL    [on phone] Washington had to explore every alternative before detonating an atomic bomb in the middle of New York! O'DONNELL    So now I can use the bomb? BRIG-GENERAL    We need some time to evacuate people in an orderly fashion. O'DONNELL    Sir!  This leech is still growing!  We have to stop it before it gets out of hand! FRANK    Bit late for that. PROF    Shh.  He's doing the best he can. BRIG-GENERAL    We've signed you out five bombs.  Use them well.  But not until the order comes through. MUSIC   LEECH O LEECH    slowing.  Drowsing.  Waiting.  Cells starving.  Too much need food.  Tired... SOUND    EXPLOSION LEECH    YESSSS!  Foooooood!  Much!  Too much!  Holding!  Choking!  No!  straining....  straining!  More cells.  Need more cells!  Building!  Feeeeeeeeding!  Choking?  [beat] No.  SOUND    BOMB LEECH    Enough cells now.  Rich food.  More.  Grow.  Build.  JOY. MUSIC   16_SIXTY MILES AMBIANCE    INSIDE NEW HEADQUARTERS TENT O'DONNELL    Sixty miles across. PROF    There was no way to know. O'DONNELL    This was supposed to KILL it. FRANK    At least there was no fallout. PROF    I'm sure it ate THAT too. O'DONNELL    I have to KILL IT!  Do you hear me!  The blasted thing has spread all the way to the Adirondacks! FRANK    What's next?  More bombs? PROF    I don't think it's advisable.  If we throw enough at it to crack it, we might crack open the earth's crust. O'DONNELL    The leech has to be blown up quick.  What are the bright boys hedging for? PROF    They don't know what will happen.  The concentration of bombs it would require-- O'DONNELL    Perhaps they'd like me to order a bayonet attack. FRANK    They've got to do something. PROF    It's frustrating.  I keep feeling like I should be doing more, but this simply isn't my area of expertise!  That thing thrives on force - and the scientists don't have time to consider any alternatives. FRANK    Fight fire with fire. PROF    But it's not fire.  Fire is fickle.  Fire is Loki.  Fire is a trickster.  This thing is...  is... O'DONNELL    Where the heck are the scientists? SOUND    TENT FLAP ALLENSON    [coming in] We've finished the calculations. O'DONNELL    Good.  I'll call in the strike. MORIARTY    There's a damned good chance of splitting the earth wide open with that much power! O'DONNELL    You have to take chances in war.  FRANK    He doesn't even care! PROF    He cares.  He just doesn't care about that.  Hercules himself couldn't turn the general from his course. ALLENSON    Hear us out! O'DONNELL    Your own calculations show that the leech is now growing at twenty feet per hour.  So how much time is that before it reaches this post? FRANK    He's got a point. PROF    [musing]  Hercules....  Something... ALLENSON    And speeding up.  But this can't be done in haste-- PROF    Aha!  O'DONNELL    What? PROF    I may have a counter-offer. O'DONNELL    Does it involve me blowing up the leech? PROF    It's a very dim chance, but...  [trails off] O'DONNELL    Yes? PROF    have you ever heard of Antaeus? MUSIC   LEECH P LEECH    more large.  more thought.  More memory.  Large rock and dirt and stone food.  Devoured.  Joy.  Huge mass of combustibles - light and heat and energy!  Food.  True joy!  SOUND    MEMORY SOUNDS LEECH    then all devoured.  Dark.  Cold.  Empty.  Cells Shrinking, dying, self-devouring self.  Moving.  Seeking.  Food. MUSIC   17_DRONE SHIP AMB    OUTSIDE SOUND    SMALL PLANE PASSES OVERHEAD FRANK    So that's what a drone looks like. PROF    Pretty much like any other rocket ship.  The pilot just happens to be over there in the tent. O'DONNELL    I hope you're right about this, professor. MORIARTY    The calculations all validate the hypothesis.  If what you said about the creature's motivational capability is accurate-- FRANK    There it goes! O'DONNELL    Straight up!  Son of a biscuit! PROF    It's - it's - enormous! MUSIC   LEECH Q SOUND    FIGHTER PLANE BUZZES PAST LEECH    Food!  Rich food!  Above!  Out of reach!  Why not fall?  Come to me?  Food!  ... seek. SOUND    BUZZ OF FIGHTER PLANE MOVING AWAY LEECH    heat!  Small food.  Cold!  Nothing.  Ah, little flying food, come to - oh.  Oh, yes.  Far.  There.  Huge bright glowing mass of combustibles.  Food. MUSIC   18_ANTAEUS AMBIANCE    OUTDOORS FRANK    Wow.  Now, that's a crater. PROF    You can look at it later.  I keep worrying that I've missed something. FRANK    But the leech is gone, professor!  Right up and out of the atmosphere. PROF    There's no way to be sure it won't come back. FRANK    Everybody's going to be watching for the leech. PROF    Please don't call it that. FRANK    What then?  Antaeus?  Who's that anyway? PROF    Greek Mythology.  Son of Gaea and Poseidon - the earth goddess and sea god.  He was an invincible wrestler, drawing his strength from the earth itself. FRANK    His mom.  Apron strings, even in mythology. PROF    [chuckles]  Well, Hercules had to wrestle him, and every time Hercules threw him to the ground, he rose refreshed.  FRANK    Didn't Hercules know about the earth? PROF    He figured it out.  After that, he just held Antaeus up in the air until he gave up. O'DONNELL    [off slightly] Come on, join me in some champagne.  Even you brainy folks can use a little celebration! MORIARTY    [happily] Maybe just a sip! ALLENSON    I don't mind if I do. FRANK    Be there in a minute!  [to prof] So the fighter rocketship they sent up will just keep leading it around in space til it gets tired and drops dead? O'DONNELL    Better.  It's going to take it right into the sun.  Big or not, the damn thing can't eat THAT. PROF    Lord, I hope not.  O'DONNELL    [to pilot] How's the ship, pilot? PILOT    Just reached the orbit of Mercury, sir. O'DONNELL    Fine!  Fine.  I swore to destroy that thing.  Not the way I wanted to do it - too far out to see it go up with my own eyes - If I had a choice, it would be more personal.  But the important thing is the destruction.  Destruction is at times a sacred mission.  Man, I feel wonderful! MORIARTY    [panicky]  Turn the rocket!!!!  TURN IT! O'DONNELL    What the devil? MORIARTY    Considering rate of growth, energy consumption capacity, and speed versus projected energy retention, figuring in the energy it will receive from the sun as it approaches-- O'DONNELL    Speak English! MORIARTY    [dire warning] It's gonna devour the sun. MUSIC   LEECH R LEECH    closer!  Closer!  More heat!  More light!  All!  Must have all!  Small rich food moving away.  Choice.  Nearby small food?  Far big food?  Hungry NOW.  Close first.  Catch quick, feed enough to move to big food.   Yes! MUSIC   19_TURN AWAY AMBIANCE    INSIDE HEADQUARTERS TENT PILOT    It's turning, sir! ALL    [general sounds of relief] ALLENSON    Take it out at right angles to the plane of the solar system. SOUND    RADAR [start much earlier] FRANK    So the blob is the leech and the dot is the ship? PROF    Yes.  O'DONNELL    What portion of the sky would the leech be in just now? MORIARTY    Somewhere out in that section - just over that tree. O'DONNELL    Fine.  [calling order back over shoulder]  Soldier!  Carry out your orders! ALL    [surprised concern - "what?" "huh"  "what are you up to?" etc.] FRANK    [calling] The dot is slowing down!  The blob is catching up! PROF    What are you up to, general? O'DONNELL    [grim satisfaction] I told you this was a personal matter.  I swore to destroy that leech.  We can never have any security while it is alive.  [chuckles triumphantly] I had that ship especially built. PROF    To do... what... precisely? O'DONNELL    Shall we look at the sky? SOUND    FEET, TENT FLAP, ETC. as they leave. O'DONNELL    Soldier? PILOT    Three seconds, sir! O'DONNELL    Push the button. PILOT    Yes, sir! FRANK     is something supposed to--  Whoah! MORIARTY    Not a good idea to look directly at the explosion! PROF    What... did... you... do? O'DONNELL    [smug]  That rocket was built around a hydrogen bomb.  I set it off at the contact moment. FRANK    How come there's no sound?  Thought there'd be a loud bang or something.  Is it like thunder? ALLENSON    Sound doesn't travel in a vacuum. PROF    [explaining] We're anthropologists.  O'DONNELL    [calling to pilot] Anything on the radar? PILOT    [from within] Nope!  Not a speck, sir. O'DONNELL    Men - and scientists - I have met the enemy and he is MINE.  Let's have some more of that champagne. PROF    I wish I was that sure. MUSIC   LEECH S LEECH    Catching food.  Slowing.  Tiring.  Catch.  Massive surge!  Too much!  Holding!  Holding!  Absorbing!  Building!  No!  No!  overload!  Too much!  Breaking!  Come apart!  Losing thought!  Losing cohesion!  Breaking.  Broken.  Shattered. SOUND    [long moment of silence, then in squeaky little voices:] LEECHETTE1    Hungry LEECHETTE2    Hungry LEECHETTE3    Hungry LEECHETTE4    cold.  hungry LEECHETTE5    Hungry [more and more leechettes until they populate the entire soundscape] LEECH    [MANY VOICES] hungry.  Empty.  hungry.  Empty. hungry.  hungry.  Empty [repeats under] MUSIC END CREDITS

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - From An Amber Block - Reissue

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 3, 2022 35:34


Adapted by Julie Hoverson, from a story by Tom Curry, as published in Astounding Stories in 1930 A new acquisition by the museum contains a dark dark secret! Cast List Betty Young  - Julia Carson Professor Walter Marble - Don Parris Professor Young - Charles Austin Miller Andrew Leffler - Mark Olson Rooney - Reynaud LeBeouf Smythe - Chuck Burke Doctor - Mitchell Carson Fred - Marshal Latham Guard - Reynaud LeBeouf Music by Wynn Erickson Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Charles Austin Miller Many thanks to Project Gutenberg and Librivox for curating these classic stories. "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a special annex at the museum of natural history in 1930, can't you tell?" ************************************************ From an Amber Block [From the story by Tom Curry, published in Astounding Stories, July, 1930] Cast: Professor Walter Marble, young scientist, 30 Professor Young, old museum curator, 55 Betty Young, daughter with a clipboard, 20 Andrew Leffler, millionaire dilettante, 48 Rooney, guard, 57 Smythe, janitor, 40 Doctor, 45 Fred, workman, 25 OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a special annex at the museum of natural history in 1930, can't you tell?  MUSIC Scene 1.    SOUND     ECHOING FOOTSTEPS SOUND    WOOD CRATES BEING DISMANTLED AND REMOVED PROF    These should prove especially valuable and interesting without a doubt, Marble, old man. MARBLE    Have they all been brought in and set up, professor? PROF    Check the manifest.  Betty dear, do you have that?  Should be on the clipboard. BETTY    Let's see.  Ah, yes - check, check - all checked off, present and accounted for.  seventeen huge lumps of prehistoric amber. PROF    I've told you time and time again not to bandy such unspecific terms.  Until we have them precisely dated, they are assumed to be common cretaceous amber. BETTY    Yes, father [correcting self] Professor.  But there's nothing common about the size of these pieces!  These are quite outside ...the standard deviation. SOUND    SHE WALKS ON A BIT BETTY    When you see bits of amber worked into jewelry, especially the ones with insects preserved in them, you just can't even picture something on this scale! MARBLE    It was tricky getting them out of the ground, too.  The workmen seemed afraid - didn't want to handle them for some silly reason. BETTY    Is that ...coal in the biggest one?  That dark center? MARBLE    I am inclined to believe it will prove to be some sort of black liquid, possibly a pocket of colophony. BETTY    Which is? MARBLE     [somewhat dismissive] An oil derived from amber.  [change of tone]  Professor Young? PROF    Yes? MARBLE    Even with the dark central void, I think that big one will turn out to be the largest single piece of amber ever mined.  PROF    It appears to be several tons.  It will take some maneuvering to get a proper weight on it.  Betty?  BETTY    Yes, Professor? PROF    Take this down.  Stone 1 - we'll call this large one "stone one"-- BETTY    Noted. PROF    Make up a card when you get a chance.  [back to describing] The amber is clear and pure in appearance, probably mixed with lignite. Yellow brown in color, irregular in shape. I think it is merely the thickness of the amber, and not any imperfections in its refractive structure, that make the central dark spot nothing more than a shadow. BETTY    It's like a small mountain! PROF    Nonsense.  Get some specific measurements.  Height; width through, say, four axes, at three equidistant levels.  BETTY    [resigned] Yes, professor. PROF    If you need help, Walter here is a dab hand with triangulation.  You'll help, won't you, Marble? MARBLE    Certainly.  Whatever you need.  Miss Betty, I think we had better begin by drawing a rough sketch of the block. Scene 2.    SOUND    DOOR OPENS, ACROSS THE ROOM, CONFIDENT STRIDES ENTER LEFFLER    [full of confidence] Well, well, well...what do you think of them? PROFESSOR    Ignore him. BETTY    Father!  You have to play nice.  He funds the research and gets to play philanthropic scientist. PROFESSOR    You mean pseudo-scientific philanthropist.  Yes, yes of course.  [up]  Mr. Leffler!  All present and accounted for! LEFFLER    [coming on] Everybody is talking about the big one!  Orling is coming to see, along with plenty of others.  Marble!  Did you happen to catch any stories the workmen down there were telling?  I'm thinking I'll publish something on the expedition, and that would be a great little chapter. MARBLE    I don't think it was actual stories.  Just general uneasiness and rumors of bad luck.  Something about a creature swimming in a lake of ink, but the translator says the local dialect was pretty difficult. LEFFLER    Well, monster or not, let's hope there's something good in there, something that will make all our effort worthwhile.  [walking away] Maybe I can come up with a few tales, just spice, you know... MARBLE    Superstition is curious, isn't it?  [chuckles] How can anyone think that a fossil of a creature, penned in such a cell for thousands and thousands of years, could do any harm? PROF    Superstition, by definition, is unreasonable. These amber blocks were mined in the Manchurian lignite deposits by Chinese coolies under Japanese masters. They believe anything over there. I remember working once with a crew of them that thought— BETTY    [off] [scream!] PROF    What is it, Betty dear? BETTY    It - it - it--! MARBLE    Her face is completely white! PROF    You'd better sit down. SOUND    SCUFFLE PROF    What is it that has put you into such a state? BETTY    I—I thought I saw something looking out, eyes that stared at me—-!  [laughs, but forced]  I suppose it was just Mr. Leffler's talk of monsters.  There's certainly nothing there now. PROF    Perhaps the Manchurian devil just likes beautiful young ladies, eh, Marble?  [chuckles] [walking off] Well, be careful, dear. If it takes a notion to jump out at you, call for me and I'll return presently and exorcise it. BETTY    [chuckles, but half hearted] I suppose you think I'm being hysterical, too, Mr. Marble? MARBLE    [musing] No-o-o. PROF    [coming back in]  Come along Betty, we must go home.  There's a long, interesting day ahead of us to-morrow, [going off again] and I want some time to read Orling's new work on matrices before we begin chipping at block number one. MARBLE    [confidential] I... I saw something, too.  Could it have been just some refraction of the light? BETTY    [gasp]  I—I don't know.  I thought I saw two terrible eyes glaring at me from the inky heart.  But when father laughed at me, I was ashamed and thought it was just my fancy. MARBLE    The center is liquid, I'm sure of it.  [beat] Well, we'll find out soon enough, once we get started. PROF    [off, commanding] Come along, Betty! BETTY    Be careful. SOUND    SHE WALKS OFF Scene 3.    MUSIC PROF    Betty?  Have you got the specimens we've laid out on tray 15 itemized yet? BETTY    Yessir!  8 ants, 14 mosquitoes, 32 unidentified insect portions and 3 bees. PROF    Very good.  We'll make a scientist out of you, yet.  [chuckles heartily] BETTY    I'm sure I've got plenty to do as it is.  You are being careful, aren't you? PROF    That's the dozenth or so time you've inquired.  What is it you expect to happen?  BETTY    I... I don't know. PROF    [condescending] The stones are carefully anchored so they won't fall over, and carefully protected by their canvas covers when we're not working on them.  BETTY    I know.  But do be careful. PROF    You think the fabled Manchurian beast is going to break out of that stone like a - like a chick out of an egg - and run amok?  BETTY    You said you plan to work your way into position to tap that dark central core.   PROF    Between our heaters and our chisels, we'll be through into the central mass sometime tomorrow.  It's getting much softer, now the outside shell is pierced.  Amber used to be called – still is in some cultures – the stone that burns. BETTY    [german name, but quiet]  Bernstein. PROF    Since not only does it become malleable when heated, it can actually return to its original resinous state – a state in which it is, once again, flammable! MARBLE    But, for our purposes, it is soft and permeable – much easier to dig through than say granite or basalt.  Pretty soon we'll find out whether we are right about it being liquid. We have to wait, and make some preparations for catching it, just in case. BETTY    [nervous]  Catching - what? MARBLE     The liquid, of course.  Some sort of large drainage pan should suffice. SOUND    DISTANT BELL PROF    And that is time.  SOUND    PEOPLE PUTTING THINGS AWAY, THE ROOM  QUIETING DOWN BETTY    Mr. Leffler wants to be here when the final breach is made.  Should I call him and issue a formal invite? PROF    Oh, don't bother me with him tonight.  [walks off] We can summon him quickly enough when we're nearly there - otherwise, he'll spend all day hovering about and getting in the way. MARBLE    Here's your coat, miss Young. BETTY    Thanks.  [sigh] I think it must have been my imagination.  I certainly didn't see anything odd today. MARBLE    Nor did I, but I kept thinking I heard dull scrapings from inside the block. My brain tells me I'm an imaginative fool, that nothing could be alive inside something that old - but just the same, I keep thinking about those eyes we thought we saw. [shaking it off] Just shows how far the imagination will take one. PROF    [calling from off] It's getting dark, Betty!  Better not stay here in the shadows or the devil will get you. I wonder if it will be Chinese or up-to-date American! BETTY    [laugh, slightly annoyed]  Funny how such smart men can sometimes be so dense. MARBLE    Oh? BETTY    Nothing.  Good night! SOUND    SHE WALKS Scene 4.    SOUND    DOOR OPENS ROONEY    Here you go, miss Young. BETTY    Night, Rooney! ROONEY    Stayin' late this evening, are you? BETTY    [going off] No, we're calling it a night, Rooney. SOUND    HER FEET GO OFF ROONEY    Good night, Miss Young. Sleep happy. BETTY    [from off] Thanks, Rooney! ROONEY    [whistles something irish] SOUND    BETTY'S FEET COME BACK ROONEY    Is there a problem, ma'am? BETTY    You'll be extra careful tonight, won't you? ROONEY    Well, miss, I'm always careful. Nobody can get in to harm anything while old Rooney's about. BETTY    [reluctant but urgent] I don't mean that. I want you to be careful yourself, when you're anywhere near this room to-night. ROONEY    [indulgent] Why, miss, what is there to be wary of? Nothing but some funny looking stones, far as I can see. BETTY    Of course. Scene 5.    MUSIC BETTY    [sleeping fitfully] oh… looking ...at... me! SOUND    TELEPHONE RINGS BETTY    [comes awake with a gasp] SOUND    GETS UP, OPENS DOOR PROF    [off] Hello? Yes, speaking. [annoyed] Good morning, Smythe. BETTY    Smythe?  At the Museum? PROF    Shh-shh!  [gasp]  My God! I—I can't believe it!  Is he dead? BETTY    Dead?  Who? PROF    I'll be right down, yes. SOUND    HANGS UP THE PHONE PROF    Dear, there's been a tragedy at the museum during the night. One of the guards has been killed. BETTY    Oh no!  Not Rooney! PROF    I don't know them by name.  Possibly by burglars.  And Smythe, who found him, wants me to come down and see if anything has been stolen. I must go at once. The body is in our laboratory.  Where did I leave my overcoat...? BETTY    [sniffled a bit]  Give me a minute to get dressed. PROF    No, no. No need. BETTY    [firm]  I'm going with you. PROF    You can come along later, once we have things ...tidied up a bit.  BETTY    I'll be all right. I promise you I will.  And you know I'm the only one who can keep your notes straight. MUSIC Scene 6.    AMB    MUSEUM SMYTHE     I've sent for an ambulance, Professor. PROF    Of course, Smythe.  Let me see the extent of the damage. SOUND    DOOR OPENS SMYTHE    Yes, of course.  The body is around on the left ...here?  Sir? PROF     I must check on the stones first.  See that nothing has been damaged. BETTY    [grumpy mutter] Of course.  Rooney's not going anywhere. PROF    Aha.  Nothing seems missing. BETTY    Father, they're too large for someone to just run off with. PROF    Why don't you go and check the trays in the lock room.  Make sure nothing portable has walked away. BETTY    Very well. PROF    Smythe?  The body? SMYTHE    Here. PROF    [musing]  No pulse.  Cold.  He's been dead some time. BETTY    [coming on] The lock on the room hasn't been tampered with, and – [gasp] PROF    There's nothing we can do for him, now.  It looks as though the poor fellow was set upon and stabbed a number of times by an assailant or assailants, whoever they were. BETTY    Poor Rooney!  He was so jolly and red-faced, but now - his skin is like chalk! PROF    Rather shrunken, too. Almost as if there's no blood left in his veins. BETTY    And that look on his face!  He must have been terrified of whoever killed him. MARBLE    There must have been several assassins; They beat him up frightfully.  It would take more than one man to do such damage. BETTY    [quietly] Poor man.  Who will tell his grandchildren? MARBLE    [quiet, sympathy] Yes. [up] His ribs are crushed in—see, this gash, Professor, that would be enough to cause death without any of the other wounds. BETTY    [to herself, horrible fascination] What are they looking at?  A horrible... blistered area under his arm?  And a gash – oh, that must be what killed him! PROF    Bloodless!  As I said!  It is as if the blood had been pumped out of the body! MARBLE    And yet not much blood on the ground.  I only see a couple of splotches, and those look like they're from more superficial cuts. PROF    Maybe he was dragged here from another room.  Perhaps the thieves were here to steal something in another part of the museum.  Seems to me that men desperate enough to commit such a murder would not leave without trying to get what they came after. MARBLE    Unless, of course, the killing of the guard frightened them away before they could get to their booty. SOUND    FEET APPROACH SMYTHE    I brought that doctor you asked for, Professor Young. MARBLE    Any idea when this happened, Smythe? SMYTHE    Well, he punched the clock in here at two A.M. - I seen that. MARBLE    And he never made it to his next punch? SMYTHE    Nope.  [heavy sigh] And it's the last time he'll ever do his duty, poor feller. DOCTOR    Curious odor.  [sniffs] It smells like musk, but is fetid. I suppose it's some chemical you use in your lab here? PROF    I noticed that, too.  Nothing I recognize.  Marble?  Where did he get to?  Marble? MARBLE    [off] There are wavy black lines on the tiles, leading around back of the block! PROF    You will have to be more specific.  Wavy lines indeed! MARBLE    [moving further off] come and look, then!  They go around the back, and – good god! BETTY    What?  SOUND    PEOPLE DASH TO LOOK BETTY    That - that dark “hollow” in the stone – it's completely open! PROF    Marble, get me samples of that liquid before it all evaporates, would you?  Didn't anyone think to check behind the block here?  BETTY    Everyone was pretty distracted by Rooney. PROF    [dismissive] The corpse?  I suppose, but he's certainly in no further danger. BETTY    [quiet but intense] You're more interested in your black liquid then a man who lost his life. MARBLE    [off]  It's not liquid at all!  At least not any more.  It's nearly all dried, Professor Young. [musing] Dried into those strange wavy runnels and patterns... BETTY    It looks like black lacquer.  And that smell.  I see what the doctor meant! PROF    Our chipping and hammering and the heat of the radiator causing it to expand must have forced out the sepia, or whatever it is.  [disappointed sigh] I had hoped that inside the liquid we would discover a fossil of value. MARBLE    Yes... MUSIC Scene 7.    AMB    CROWD TALKING, OFF MARBLE    Look here Betty, I guess it's just you and me that might have seen this… thing. BETTY    That hole in the amber – it's awful big!  Who knows WHAT might have been inside? MARBLE    [dubious] Could have been nothing at all… BETTY    Did that black stain look like it could have been enough to fill the entire cavity?  I'm quite sure it was full. MARBLE    I'll poke around a bit. BETTY    Be careful! MARBLE    I will.  Say, from here, does the giant block look like it's been moved? BETTY    Hold on – I have some sketches. SOUND    FLIPPING PAPERS ON HER CLIPBOARD BETTY    Gosh!  You're right!  It's shifted just a bit!  But it – it's huge!  Tons, Father said.  [rationalizing]  Oh! It must have been the explosion- or expulsion – of all that liquid.  That might very well have shifted it, mightn't it? MARBLE    [dubious] Maybe. BETTY    You're worried about those marks in the black gunk, aren't you?  MARBLE    They look like claw marks, not mere natural striations.   BETTY    Professor Marble?  Please don't look any longer. Let's leave this terrible place - for the day, anyway - until we see what happens in the next twenty-four hours. MARBLE    I must make a search.  My brain calls me a fool, but just the same, I'm worried. BETTY    Do you really think ...? MARBLE    I fear so. MUSIC Scene 8.    BETTY    Is there any further word on the murder? MARBLE    Your father has dismissed it as a botched theft attempt. BETTY    I – I can't believe it.  And what about the blood? MARBLE    The blood? BETTY    Father may be able to disregard it, but he's the one who pointed out that all of poor Rooney's blood was… missing.  Were there any other signs of struggle?  Anywhere?  Or even some sign of a break-in? MARBLE    No.  [dubious] But it might be the work of a slick professional cracksman. BETTY    And how many of those would rather randomly kill a man than hide until the guard has gone on along his rounds, tell me that? MARBLE    [chuckle] I didn't say that was MY opinion. BETTY    I'm going to try to take father home, right after lunch, if he'll go. He's so stubborn.  If you must stay, would you – please – carry a gun? MARBLE    Very well.  Not that I think it would be of much use, if I did find—-[cuts himself off] SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN, IMPERIOUS FEET ENTER LEFFLER    [from across the room]  What's this I hear?  A watchman killed in the night? Carelessness, man, carelessness! MARBLE    [quiet] Betty, see if your father needs anything. BETTY    Good idea. LEFFLER    The authorities here are absurd! They hold priceless treasures and yet they allow thieves to enter and wreak their will. [arrived] You, Marble! What's all this mean? MARBLE    We do the best we can, Mr. Leffler.   It is unlikely that anyone would wish to, let alone be ABLE to, steal such a thing as that block of amber. LEFFLER    And why not?  It cost ME thousands of dollars! MARBLE    It took the use of several large machines and a good deal of manpower to bring it INTO this room.  Any attempt to similarly leave – well, it would hardly pass unnoticed. LEFFLER    Hogwash!  I understand it's been broken into!  There's pieces of my beautiful stone gone missing, mark my words! SOUND    BELL BETTY    It's time for lunch, Professor Marble. MARBLE    You'll excuse us?  Good. SOUND    THEY WALK AWAY, LEAVING LEFFLER    [fading as they leave] OF all the things!  I have contributed considerable sums to this museum, and to see my money treated as if it were no more valuable than the general run of arrowheads and pot shards! MARBLE    Phew.  Thanks for coming to my rescue. BETTY    He'll still be at it when we get back. MARBLE    yes, but I will have had some coffee! SOUND    DOOR SHUTS, CUTTING OFF LEFFLER MARBLE    Poor Rooney.  It's been preying on me.  Betty, I feel more or less responsible, in a way. BETTY    No, no! How could you have foreseen such a thing? MARBLE    Those eyes. I shouldn't have discounted what we saw.  I should have taken precautions. But I had no idea it could burst from its prison. BETTY    You will get a revolver before you search further?  [firm] I'm going to, too. Smythe has one, and I know he'll lend it to me. MARBLE    I believe Leffler has seen something, too. That's why he keeps talking about it being our fault. His talk about the devil inside the block was half in earnest. BETTY    He never seemed to take it any more seriously than – than father does! MARBLE    Perhaps he put it down to imagination, or even did not think this fossil could be dangerous. BETTY    I think Rooney could show them the error of their assumptions. MUSIC Scene 9.    SOUND    OUTSIDE BETTY    There's some kind of commotion at the museum entrance! MARBLE    Figures.  We leave the building for just long enough to eat, and something happens! SOUND    CROWD MURMURS GUARD    Stay back, folks.  The museum is closed. MARBLE    Let us through! GUARD    The museum is closed to the public, sir! MARBLE    I'm not the public!  I insist you tell me what's going on! GUARD    Come inside, then both of you.  SOUND    DOOR SHUTS, CLOSING OUT CROWD GUARD    Somethin's happened up in the paleontological laboratories.  Dunno just what, but orders come down to clear the rooms and not let anybody in but members of the staff, sir. MARBLE    Blast!  SOUND    QUICK WALKING BETTY    Walter!  Please wait!  Get yourself a gun. MARBLE    All right. You! GUARD    Me? MARBLE    [to guard] Give me your gun.  [to her] Betty, you need to stay here, where it's safe. BETTY    I'm going with you. MARBLE    As a senior staff member to a junior one, I order you to remain downstairs. BETTY    Hmph.  Very well. SOUND    HIS FOOTSTEPS GO ONE WAY, THEN HER FOOTSTEPS GO OFF IN ANOTHER DIRECTION Scene 10.    MUSIC SOUND    CHECKING AMMO IN A GUN SOUND    BETTY STRIDING PURPOSEFULLY BETTY    [talking to herself]  Good.  I knew Smythe would come through for me.  Marble may be a bright fellow, but anyone could see another gun will come in handy— SOUND    RUNNING FEET COMING FRED    [panic heavy breathing] BETTY    What is it?  Fred!  Look at me!  Tell me what's going on! FRED    [gasping and babbling] There was a black fog—I saw a red snake with legs— BETTY    A what? Oh no! You get on out of here! FRED    B-but where are you going? BETTY    To make sure the professors are all right! Scene 11.    SOUND    HER RUNNING FEET, THEY SLOW BETTY    [coughing] What's that [cough] in the air.  Phew!  It smells like—[suddenly alert] It smells like whatever came out of that stone! LEFFLER    [distant horrible SCREAM] BETTY    Walter! SOUND    SHE RUNS, GASPING, THROUGH THE FOG BETTY    [muttered] It just keeps getting thicker and thicker – I can barely see!  [up] Walter?? SOUND    FOOTSTEPS SLOW, PATTING ALONG WITH HAND BETTY    Ah, the door. LEFFLER    [whimpering, distant] SOUND    DRAGGING JUICY AWFUL NOISES BETTY    [sharp whisper]  Where are you? LEFFLER    [whimpery scream, cut off – urk!] BETTY    If only the sun would come out, the skylights might cut through some of this murk!  [up] Walter! MARBLE    [quiet but urgent] Go back, Betty, go back! SOUND    HER SLOW STEPS MARBLE    [disgust and sorrow] Oh, Leffler! [groan] BETTY    [gasp]  Here you are! MARBLE    I told you to get out of here! BETTY    Is he hurt? MARBLE    He's dead.  Just like Rooney, far as I can tell. BETTY    But he just twitched! MARBLE    Something must have a hold on him! BETTY    Some thing?  [screams] SOUND    SHE RUNS MARBLE    Get out of here, Betty!  Get to safety! SOUND    SLITHERY NOISE MARBLE    I'll keep anything from following you. BETTY    [scream breaks off with noise of effort] SOUND    SMASH OF GLASS Scene 12.    MARBLE    What are you doing? BETTY    Terrified or not, I'm not leaving you, Walter!  [noise of effort] SOUND    ANOTHER WINDOW BREAKS BETTY    But unless we get some air in here, that nasty haze will be our undoing! MARBLE    [astonished]  Good girl!  It's starting to clear a bit.  BETTY    Where are you?  I can see Leffler's … body… now, but--  Walter? MARBLE    [loud whisper] Stay clear of the amber.  BETTY    Which one? MARBLE    [loud whisper]  All of them.  I think IT is hiding among them, somewhere. BETTY    How can we tell? MARBLE    [strange urgency] Betty, please go outside and call some of the men. BETTY    What are you looking ...at...?  Oh.  That black smoke – that's not moving because of the open window, is it? MARBLE    [strained, conversational]  It's coming out from under that canvas cover.  BETTY    [shocked but trying to sound calm] That's where it is! MARBLE    The cover is too big to move all in one go by myself. BETTY    I can get— MARBLE    Don't come any closer! BETTY    I'll grab the rope from here – between us, we can flip it! SOUND    SUCKING TENTACLE NOISE BETTY    [stifled noise of horror] MARBLE    Well, it's definitely under there. SOUND    ANOTHER SLITHER MARBLE    All right... now! SOUND    FLAP OF CLOTH Scene 13.    MONSTER    [hiss] BETTY    [scream] MONSTER    [shriek] MARBLE    All red, with black patches!  Reptilian, but some sort of secondary nostrils on the – aha!  That's where the black miasma in the air comes from! BETTY    IS coming from!  It's trying to blind us with its smokescreen. MARBLE    Did you see where it went? BETTY     Other side of the block, I think!  Oh, that smell! MARBLE    It must have been right there, under the canvas, all day. BETTY     Within arm's reach of the whole staff?  How awful! MARBLE    [disgust] It came out only when there was comparative quiet, to get its food.... BETTY    We-we must kill it!  [slower] We... must… MARBLE     Betty!  Its eyes – they're hypnotizing her Like a snake!  Snap out of it, Betty! SOUND    SLITHERING SLURPING NOISE MARBLE    Betty! SOUND    THUMP, SKID, AS HE KNOCKS HER OVER, GETTING HER OUT OF THE WAY BETTY    [snapping out of it] Its mouth – that long fanged tongue! MARBLE    [noting to self]  It has the thick body of an immense python and the clawed legs of a dinosaur. BETTY    And it's horrible! MARBLE    But it also appears to have tentacles, like some sort of terrestrial octopus.... BETTY    Still horrible! MARBLE    Betty, no one has ever had such an experience as this, seen such a sight, and lived to tell of it. It must be ravenous with hunger, shut up in its amber cell inside the black fluid. I— SOUND    WHISTLING HISS – INTAKE OF AIR BETTY     I have a feeling it's about to blow! MARBLE    I think it's armored.  I'll have to aim for the head. SOUND    SIX SHOTS BETTY    [screaming]  It's coming!  SOUND    WEIRD SLITHER THUMP AS IT MOVES BETTY    Come on! SOUND    THEY BACK AWAY MARBLE    It's in front of the door! BETTY    We can't go out the window!  We're too high up!  Here. SOUND    HANDS HIM GUN BETTY    I counted and you're just about out. SOUND    CLICK MARBLE    Good gravy you're right.  [ugh, throws the empty gun]  Thanks.  Now you get moving while I distract it!  Hurry!  Run for your life! BETTY    Oh, Walter! SOUND    SHE RUNS SOUND    SLITHER, SNAP, GUNSHOTS BETTY    [off] Oh, there MUST be something! Aha! [Ugn!  Breaks glass case] SOUND    GLASS BREAKS, GRABS FIRE AXE SOUND    MONSTER LUNGES AT MARBLE, MORE GUNSHOTS, CLICK BETTY    [muttered] I won't let you die, Walter! SOUND    SHE RUNS, THEN BETTY    UGN!!!! SOUND    CHOP OF AXE INTO FLESH MONSTER    [HORRIBLE SCREAM!] MARBLE    No! Over here, you beast!  Keep looking at me! BETTY    And again! SOUND    THUMP, SQUISH MONSTER    Scream! SOUND    THRASHING MARBLE    Look out Betty!  The tail! BETTY    What?  Ugh! [smacked down] SOUND    BODY DROP MARBLE     No!  Betty! FADE INTO BLACKNESS AND SILENCE Scene 14.    MUSIC STUMBLES IN BETTY    [waking, muttering] What??  What happened?  [sudden gasp, freaking out] The monster! MARBLE    [manly agony] Oh, my darling!  Are you badly hurt? BETTY    [calming down] No.  I'm—I'm all right. But—but Walter—did it—? PROF    He's fine, but the monster is hacked to pieces, and don't think I'm simply using an unscientific term. MARBLE    I – i- when I saw you fall, I think I went a bit mad.  And then the axe was in my hand, and – PROF    [stern] And he utterly mutilated a marvelous and unique specimen. BETTY    Father!  We could have been killed! PROF    [relenting] Well, there are still some remains to examine.  They're taking the rest of it away now. PROF    I think we will find it to be some sort of missing link between the dinosaurs and mososaurs. Thus, the tentacles. SOUND    HE WALKS AWAY PROF    [lecturing as he leaves] It is surely unbelievable that such a creature should be found alive; but perhaps it can be explained. It is related to the amphibians and was able to live in or out of the water. MARBLE    Hmph.  Oh, to the devil with paleontology, Betty. You saved my life. Come out and let's get married. I love you. PROF    [droning on in the background] Now, we have many instances of reptiles such as lizards and toads penned up in solid rock but surviving for hundreds of years. BETTY    At least we're safe, Walter. And unique! MARBLE    How's that? BETTY    It's not every woman who is helped by a living fossil to make the man she loves realize he loves her! PROF    Evidently this great reptile went through the same sort of experience. I would say that there has been some great upheaval of nature, that the reptile was caught in its prison of amber thousands and thousands of years ago. Through hibernation and perhaps a preservative drug it emitted in the black fluid, this creature has been able to survive its long imprisonment. Naturally, when it was released by the cutting away of part of the amber which penned it in, it burst its cell, ravenous with hunger. SOUND    HE FADES OUT INTO CLOSING MUSIC ENDING  

The First Episode Of
19 Nocturne Boulevard

The First Episode Of

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2022 32:44


Julie Hoverson, the creator of the horror/sci-fi anthology 19 Nocturne Boulevard, talks about the audio drama scene in 2008, the challenges of marketing, the freedom of anthology writing, her AD Infinitum project, and the importance of paying your mixer. Listen to 19 Nocturne Boulevard on most major podcast platforms, or find it at http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net/ Chip in to support the conversation: https://glow.fm/thefirstepisodeof The theme music is "Mockingbird (Instrumental Version)" by David Mumford, used under a CC-BY 4.0 License. Write to the show at TheFirstEpisodeOf@gmail.com. Follow us on Twitter: @firstepisodeof For more information and to sign up for our newsletter, visit http://thefirstepisodeof.com Check out The Book of Constellations, too!

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - Bread Overhead - Reissue

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2022 34:51


The Puffy Loaf corporation takes the next "logical" step to make their bread fluffier and lighter ...possibly lighter than air.  (adapted by Julie Hoverson from the story by Fritz Leiber, published in 1958) ***************************************** Editing and Sound:  Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Julie Hoverson (with help from Brett Coulstock) What Kind of a place is it? Why it's a lovely white bread future (by way of 1958) can't you tell? Cast List Megera Winterly - Melissa Pang Roger Snedden - Russell Gold Phineas T. Gryce - Glen Hallstrom Tin Philosopher - Jerry Bennett Rose Thinker - Kris Keppeler   Congresswoman - Sharon Delong Aide - Steve Guy Robot Tour Guide - Derek M. Koch (Mail Order Zombie) Henpecked pilot - Jack Hosley (Wander Radio) Kathy - Kim Poole (Warp'd Space) June - Shelbi McIntyre Preacher - Ferguson (Cadavertrax) Child - Spawn of Ferguson Radio Moscow1 - Reynaud LeBoeuf Government Official -  Master Payne Radio Moscow2 - Julie Hoverson Delhi Telefax - Ayoub Khote General - Bryan Hendrickson Scientist - Frederick Greenhalgh (Final Rune Productions) Doomsayer - Danar Hoverson Father O'Malley - Clarence Fanshaw Geneva telefax - Julie Hoverson Hawker1 - Jeff Pittman Hawker2 - Jeff Taylor Hawker3 - Shayla Conrad-Simms Hawker4 - Mark Olson Hawker5 - Connor Olson News1 - Jerry Bennett News2 - Julie Hoverson Naturalist - Brett Coulstock News - Jerry Bennett Radio Moscow - Reynaud LeBoeuf Russian Wife - Gwendolyn-Jensen Woodard Arabic Storyteller -   Terry Cooper Interviewer - Ellen Vickery Climber1 - J. Christopher Dunn Climber2 - Mark Olson Climber3 - Brody Walker (Rainbow Reels Cinema) [Anyone not mentioned was probably Julie Hoverson.....] ********************************************* BREAD OVERHEAD (From the story by Fritz Leiber, printed in Galaxy in 1958). Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] MAIN STORY SCENES: MEGERA Winterly (F20s-30s), Secretary in Chief ROGER Snedden (M30s), Assistant Secretary Phineas T. GRYCE (M50s), chairman of the board ROSE THINKER (F/any), optimistic robot TIN PHILOSOPHER (M/any), serious robot   INTERVENING SCENES Scenes 1 & 3 Congresswoman (F40s) Aide (any) Tourguide (any) Scene 5 Hungover man Scene 7 June, housewife Kathy, housewife Scene 9 Preacher Child Congregation [crowd] Scene 11 Radio Moscow Government Press Release Scene 13 Delhi Telefax Scene 15 Moderator General Scientist Crowd [cheers] Scene 17 Doomsayer TV Host Father O'Malley Scene 19 Stockholm Telefax Scene 21 Hawker1 Hawker2 Hawker3 Hawker4 Scene 23 News1 News2 Scene 25 Naturalist Scene 27 Reporter Radio Moscow Scene 28 Russian girl Russian grunt Russian wife Scene 29 Arabic Storyteller Scene 30 Interviewer (talking to survivors of a rock climbing incident) Member1 Member2 Member3 _______________________________________________________________________ OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a lovely white bread future by way of 1958, can't you tell?  MUSIC SCENE 1.    SOUND     OUTDOOR NOISES, MACHINERY CONGRESSWOMAN    As your duly elected congresswoman, I am so pleased to be able to come here and officiate at this... very splendid and worthwhile uh ...endeavor. AIDE    New bread making plant. CONGRESSWOMAN    [quiet] Bread making?  It looks like a giant robot centipede!  AIDE    [duh!] The tour?  They're about to-- TOURGUIDE    So pleased to see you, Congresswoman.  If you would step right this way? CONGRESSWOMAN    [confident] I am so pleased to be able to be the first to see your new breadmaking facility. TOURGUIDE    This is a great step forward [chuckles] in every sense of the word - for breadmaking, for the United States, and of course for the Puffy Loaf Corporation. MUSIC SCENE 2.    AMB    PUFFYLOAF OFFICE MUSIC SOUND    SWOOSH DOOR, HUSHED FOOTSTEPS MEGARA    [striding in] Why don't you jump out the window, Roger, remembering to shut the airlock after you?  You have about as much chance of talking me into marriage as a starving Ukrainian kulak now that Moscow's clapped on the interdict. ROGER    [bringing up the rear] A lot of things are going to be different around here, Meg, as soon as the Board is forced to admit that only my quick thinking made it possible to bring the name of Puffy loaf in front of the whole world. MEGARA    [musing] Puffy loaf could do with a little of that.  The way sales have been, it won't be long before Fairy Bread just waltzes right in and asks us to take the Big Jump. But just where does your quick thinking come in? You can't be referring to the helium--that was Rose Thinker's brainwave. ROGER    Well, I-- MEGARA    You've birthed another promotional bumble, Roger. I can see it in your eyes. I only hope it's not as big a one as when you put the Martian ambassador on 3D, live, and he thanked you profusely for the gross of Puffy loaves, assuring you that he'd never slept on a softer mattress in all his life! ROGER    Listen to me, Meg. Today--yes, today!--you're going to see the Board eating out of my hand. MEGARA    Hah! I guarantee you won't have any fingers left. You're bold enough now, but when Mr. Gryce and those two big robots come through that door-- ROGER    Now wait a minute, Meg-- MEGARA    Hush! They're coming now! SOUND    DOOR SWOOSH MUSIC SCENE 3.    AMB    OUTDOORS TOURGUIDE    Each of our walking mills is a self-contained production factory.  CONGRESSWOMAN    Spike to loaf in one operation? TOURGUIDE    [pleased] You've read our literature. CONGRESSWOMAN    Of course.  [whispered]  Thanks, Hank. AIDE    Right. CONGRESSWOMAN    So it-- uh-- AIDE    Crawls all over the field, harvesting the wheat--? TOURGUIDE    Harvests, threshes, quick-dries, and grinds. CONGRESSWOMAN    Impressive. TOURGUIDE    Ah, but that's just the front half. AIDE    Of course - it must bake as well. CONGRESSWOMAN    And then bread comes out the - um - the "southern" end? TOURGUIDE    [chortles]  Why don't we go and see?  Hop on. SOUND    DOORS CLOSE, CAR MOVES CONGRESSWOMAN    Why, they're terribly long, aren't they? TOURGUIDE    Thirty gleaming and fully-automated yards of breadmaking efficiency! CONGRESSWOMAN    What's... that? TOURGUIDE    What? CONGRESSWOMAN    Up there? AIDE    Soviet spy planes? CONGRESSWOMAN    They're awfully small for planes. TOURGUIDE    [alarm] Oh my goodness!  It's-- it's--- MUSIC SCENE 4.     MEGARA    [singing the company jingle]  Made up of tiny wheaten motes And reinforced with sturdy oats, It rises through the air and floats-- The bread on which all Terra dotes! TIN PHILOSOPHER    Thank you, Miss Winterly.  Though a purely figurative statement, that bit about rising through the air always gets me--here. SOUND    CLANG AS HE TAPS HIS CHEST TIN PHILOSOPHER    This is a historic occasion in Old Puffy's long history, the inauguration of the helium-filled loaf-- ROSE THINKER    So Light It Almost Floats Away! TIN PHILOSOPHER    --in which that inert and heaven-aspiring gas replaces old-fashioned carbon dioxide.  Kudos for Rose Thinker, whose bright relays genius-sparked the idea‑‑ ROSE THINKER    [titters] TIN PHILOSOPHER    --and also for Roger Snedden, who took care of the ... nuts and bolts, so to speak. MUSIC SCENE 5.    SOUND    HELICOPTER NOISE HUNGOVER    I'm only about a half hour away-- SOUND    [nagging wife noise on phone] HUNGOVER    It was a business meeting, dear.  I couldn't very well say-- SOUND    [nagging wife noise on phone] HUNGOVER    Right.  You're right.  You're always-- SOUND    [nagging wife noise on phone] HUNGOVER    I have the list right here.  Bread-- SOUND    THUMP HUNGOVER    What the devil?  Birds? SOUND    [nagging wife noise on phone-query] HUNGOVER    Jeepers creepers! SOUND    THUMP THUMP THUMP MUSIC SCENE 6.    AMB    OFFICE GRYCE    By the by, Snedden, that was a brilliant piece of work getting the helium out of the government--they've been pretty stuffy lately about their monopoly. ROGER    [guilty] Uh, yeah - about that-- TIN PHILOSOPHER    [cough noise] Ever since the first cave wife boasted to her next-den neighbor about the superior paleness and fluffiness of her tortillas, mankind has sought lighter, whiter bread. Indeed, thinkers wiser than myself have equated the whole upward course of culture with this poignant quest. ROSE THINKER    Yeast was a wonderful discovery--for its primitive day. Sifting the bran and wheat germ from the flour was an even more important advance. GRYCE    Skip ahead.  We all know the history.  TIN PHILOSOPHER    [miffed] Bread is now twenty times stronger, by weight, than steel, and of a lightness so great that it has even been capitalized on by our conscienceless competitors of Fairy Bread with their enduring slogan: 'It Makes Ghost Toast'. ROSE THINKER    That's a beaut, all right, that ecto-dough blurb. SOUND    HER CALCULATING NOISE ROSE THINKER    Wait a sec. How about—“There'll be bread / Overhead?” SOUND    CLANK AS TIN KICKS HER TIN PHILOSOPHER    [quickly hissed with import] Rises through the air is figurative - not literal. SOUND    HER CALCULATING MADLY ROSE THINKER    Of course.  [covering] I-I-I... wonder what the stuff tastes like. TIN PHILOSOPHER    [relaxed again] I wonder what taste tastes like GRYCE    Well Rose, I'm glad you keep trying to outjingle those dirty crooks at Fairy Bread, anyway.  I'm sure you'll come up with something. MUSIC SCENE 7.    AMBIANCE    OUTSIDE SOUND    LAUNDRY FLAPPING JUNE    [clothespins in mouth] And I said to her, I said-- KATHY    What in blazes!!! JUNE    [gasp] That's not what I said! KATHY    No!  Look!  Look! JUNE    Great googley moogley  - whatever d'you think those could be? KATHY    Spy... things! JUNE    Soviets! KATHY    [urgent] Pass me the walkie talkie! JUNE    Where--? KATHY    In the laundry basket! MUSIC SCENE 8.    AMB    PUFFYLOAF OFFICE TIN PHILOSOPHER    The next great advance in the baking art was the substitution of purified carbon dioxide for the gas generated by yeast organisms, thus leaving no corpses in situ. ROSE THINKER    Ew.  But even purified carbon dioxide is itself a rather repugnant gas. TIN PHILOSOPHER    Therefore, we of Puffy Loaf are taking today what may be the ultimate step toward purity - we are aerating our loaves with the noble gas helium! ROSE THINKER    An element which remains virginal in the face of all chemical temptations and whose slim molecules are eleven times lighter than obese carbon dioxide! MUSIC SCENE 9.    SOUND    END OF HYMN PREACHER    Amen.  And now let us give thanks to the Lord.  Hallowed be his name.  CONGREGATION    Amen. CHILD    Look at that!  Out the window! SOUND    SLAP CHILD    [annoyed] Ow! PREACHER    Our father, that art in heaven, look down upon us wretched sinners, forgive us for our annoyance of others. CONGREGATION    [murmur, almost a chuckle] PREACHER    For we are repentful.  Give us this day our daily-- SOUND    THUMP ON WINDOW PREACHER    Holy Cow! MUSIC SCENE 10.    TIN PHILOSOPHER    I give you - the helium loaf! GRYCE    Hear Hear. SOUND    APPLAUSE GRYCE    And now for the Moment of Truth. Miss Winterly, how is the helium loaf selling? SOUND    TAPPING KEYS MEGARA    Uh... SOUND    MORE FRANTIC TAPPING MEGARA    [horrified] It isn't, Mr. Gryce!  Fairy Bread is outselling Puffy loaves by an infinity factor.  So far this morning, there has not been one single delivery of Puffy loaves to any sales spot!! Complaints about non-delivery are pouring in! GRYCE    [snarling] Mr. Snedden!  What bug in the new helium process might account for this delay? ROGER    Uh... I can't imagine, sir, unless - just possibly - there's been some unforeseeable difficulty involving the new metal-foil wrappers. GRYCE    Metal-foil wrappers?  Were you responsible for those? ROGER    Yes, sir.  Last-minute recalculations showed that the extra lightness of the new loaf might be great enough to cause drift during stackage.  Metal-foil wrappers, by their added weight, took care of the difficulty. GRYCE    [warning]  And you ordered them without consulting the Board? ROGER    [sweating]  Yes, sir. There was hardly time and-- GRYCE    You fool!  I noticed the order for metal-foil wrappers, assumed it was some sub-secretary's mistake, and canceled it last night! MUSIC SCENE 11.    RADIO MOSCOW    In other news, the glorious Kremlin announces it will brook no interference in its treatment of the Ukrainian upstarts.  This flying bread is clearly a bourgeoisie invitation to join the capitalists in cloud cuckoo land.  GOVERNMENT    official press release, United States state department.  As we have no defense contracts with the Puffy loaf Corporation, we can take no responsibility for their erratic delivery methods. RADIO MOSCOW    Citizens are warned to report any instances of the airborne bread, particularly any low-flying loaves.  They have been reported as booby-trapped!  Reports have been coming in all morning of deaths.  The Capitalist running dog lackeys will do anything to damage our national contentment. MUSIC SCENE 12.    ROGER     [stunned] You-- you canceled the [squeak] order?  [gasp] And told them to go back to the lighter plastic wrappers? GRYCE    Of course!  Just what's behind all this, Mr. Snedden?  What got you so worried, when our physicists demonstrated months ago that the helium loaf was safely stackable in light breezes - even up to Beaufort's scale 3.  TIN PHILOSOPHER    Why would a change in wrappers result in non-delivery? ROGER    Er-- ah-- er...  Well, you see, the fact is that I.... MEGARA    Hold it!  Triple-urgent message from Public Relations, Safety Division. Tulsa-Topeka aero-express makes emergency landing after being buffeted in encounter with vast flight of objects initially described as brown birds. GRYCE    What's this got to--? MEGARA    [over him] After grounding safely near Emporia--no fatalities--pilot's windshield found thinly plastered with soft white-and-brown material.  [astonished and horrified] Emblems on plastic wrappers embedded in material identify it incontrovertibly as an undetermined number of Puffy loaves cruising at three thousand feet! MUSIC SCENE 13.    DELHI TELEFAX    Telefax to the United States.  No millet shortage here.  Misleading report of blight on crops.  Delhi is in no need of relief packages and can feed own people.  Need no additional help.  Expecting usual deliveries by end of week. MUSIC SCENE 14.    ROGER    [blurting] All right, I did it!  But it was the only way out! Yesterday morning, due to the Ukrainian crisis, the government stopped sales and deliveries of all strategic stockpiled materials, including helium gas. ROSE THINKER    How heavy-handed.  [titters] ROGER    Puffy's new program of advertising and promotion, based on the lighter loaf, was already rolling.  There was only one thing to do, there being only one other gas comparable in lightness to helium. MEGARA    You didn't! ROGER    I did.  I diverted the necessary quantity of hydrogen gas from the Hydrogenated Oils Section of our Magna-Margarine Division and substituted it for the helium. MUSIC SCENE 15.    MODERATOR    The debate rages as to what to do with the consistently buoyant loaves.  The U.S. Army had this to say— GENERAL    Extreme measures are being considered, possibly even to the extent of using fusion technology to dissipate the flock. MODERATOR    But at a rally yesterday, scientists spoke out-- SOUND    RALLY [on TV; filter] SCIENTIST     [on TV; filter] Exploding a bomb among the loaves would be devastating, setting off a chain reaction!  We must send a message – no more deaths from flying bread! CROWD     [cheering] MUSIC SCENE 16.    GRYCE    [quiet horror] You substituted ... hydrogen ... for the ... helium? TIN PHILOSOPHER    Hydrogen is twice as light as helium. ROSE THINKER    And many times cheaper. ROGER    Yes!  I substituted hydrogen!  The metal-foil wrapping would have added just enough weight to counteract the greater buoyancy of the hydrogen loaf. TIN PHILOSOPHER    So, when this morning's loaves began to arrive on the delivery platforms of the walking mills-- ROGER    [miserable]  Exactly. GRYCE    [dangerous rumble] Let me ask you, Mr. Snedden... did you expect people to jump to the kitchen ceiling for their Puffybread after taking off the metal wrapper, or maybe reach for the sky if they happened to have the misfortune to unwrap the stuff outdoors? ROGER    Mr. Gryce, you yourself have often assured me that what people do with Puffybread after they buy it is no concern of ours. MUSIC SCENE 17.    DOOMSAYER    [on filter] ...and he did say unto the prophet Breadediah to watch the skies – yea, for even the staff of life may be used to smite, and manna may fall from the heavens and crush the unworthy! TV HOST    What do you think of this disturbing trend in apocalyptic jargon, Father O'Malley? FATHER O'MALLEY    The pope hasn't ruled yet on the bread's miracle status.  I expect it depends a great deal on where it finally touches down, Phil.  Until then, it's all up in the air. MUSIC SCENE 18.    ROSE THINKER    [metallic gasp] Oh, boy--hydrogen!  The loaf's unwrapped.  After a while, in spite of the crust-seal, a little oxygen diffuses in. An explosive mixture. Housewife in curlers and kimono pops a couple slices in the toaster. Boom! GRYCE    Holy Canola! ROGER    [groan] SOUND    METALLIC KICK TIN PHILOSOPHER    So you see, Roger, that the non-delivery of the hydrogen loaf carries some consolations. ROSE THINKER    Oh, yes. TIN PHILOSOPHER    And I must confess that one aspect of the affair gives me great satisfaction, not as a Board Member but as a private machine. You have at last made a reality of our theme song.  It indeed now 'rises through the air'. ROSE THINKER    By now, half the inhabitants of the Great Plains must have observed our flying loaves! GRYCE    The hell you say!  Stop the mills! MEGARA    Absolutely, sir. TIN PHILOSOPHER    A sensible suggestion.  But it comes a trifle late in the day. If the mills are working to capacity, approximately seven billion Puffy loaves are at this moment cruising eastward over Middle America. ROSE THINKER    Recall that a six-month supply for deep-freeze was being prepared-- TIN PHILOSOPHER    And since the current per-person consumption of bread, due to its matchless airiness, is eight and one-half loaves per day. GRYCE    Aaaargh!  MUSIC SCENE 19.    STOCKHOLM TELEFAX    Telefax to United Nations Food Organization.  Stockholm applauds your actions and stands ready to monitor the situation, with hope of collaboration in endeavors not yet considered.  [basically saying nothing at all] MUSIC SCENE 20.    GRYCE    [spluttering] You!  You-- you...! MEGARA    Hold it!  Flock of multiple-urgents coming in! News Liaison: information bureaus swamped with flying-bread inquiries.  Aero-express-lines: Clear our airways or face law suit. U.S. Army: Why do loaves flame when hit by incendiary bullets? ROSE THINKER    Oh, boy! MEGARA    U.S. Customs: If bread intended for export, get export license or face prosecution. Russian Consulate in Chicago: Advise on destination of bread-lift. And some Kansas church is accusing us of a hoax inciting to blasphemy--but I'm not sure why. ROGER    I'm dead. MEGARA    [near-hysteria] Roger Snedden!  You've brought the name of Puffy loaf in front of the whole world, all right!  Now do something about it! ROSE THINKER    Oh, boy!  This looks like the start of a real crisis session! Did you remember to bring spare batteries? SOUND    METALLIC KICK MUSIC SCENE 21.    HAWKER1    Cameras!  Bread cameras here!  Guaranteed to take picture of objects moving rapidly through the sky! HAWKER2    Cold cuts!  Get ready for the sandwich of a lifetime!  Cold cuts!  Special for today, buy two pastrami, get your condiments for free!  HAWKER3    Bread nets!  Make sure you can catch your sandwich needs as they fly by!  Buy one for the kiddies! HAWKER4    Psst!  Tickets?  Need a ticket?  I got the 28th floor, the 32nd floor… maybe even, the 40th floor?  How far you wanna go? MUSIC SCENE 22.    SOUND    WIND, HIGH UP SOUND    GUNSHOTS, SUBMACHINE GRYCE    Take that! SOUND    STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS ROGER    [Heavy breathing, panicky, approaching] GRYCE    Stay back! ROGER    Whoa!  [trying to be casual]  Fancy meeting you here, Mr.Gryce! GRYCE    Fancy?  We're 70 stories up!  What sort of a coincidence is that?  Get off my building! ROGER    Hey.  No worries.  Just thought you could use a new can of oxygen. GRYCE    [mollified] Ah, nah - I got plenty. ROGER    Okey-dokey.  [deep breath, then a gasp! Trying to speak without squeaking]  uhh....  breathtaking view from up here, eh? MUSIC SCENE 23.    NEWS1    A confidential and reliable source has told this reporter that both the united states and soviet tracking systems have mislaid triangulation of the errant herds of bread. NEWS2    They say it was misplaced when it flew into a storm generated by the weather bureau. NEWS1    Ironically, the government was trying to bring down the bread with this very storm.  NEWS2    Funny how that happens. MUSIC SCENE 24.    GRYCE    You should be looking up - out - for those damn things! ROGER    Have you, uh - "popped" many GRYCE    Don't taunt me, boy.  I'm taking care of this little problem you served me with.  I'll shoot down every last one before they involve my company in any more trouble.  ROGER    They'll come down eventually. GRYCE    They come down much faster with a little extra weight - like lead! SOUND    SHOOTS OFF A VOLLEY ROGER    What if we - uh - need you inside? GRYCE    No bread inside. ROGER    Hmm.  That's not what I heard. GRYCE    What? ROGER    Whoa-whoa-whoa!!!  Don't point that at me! GRYCE    Why not?  You're the one who ...  urk! SOUND    METAL CLANG ROGER    [almost falling] Waa! SOUND    METAL CLANG TIN PHILOSOPHER    Thank you for the distraction, Roger.  You can go inside now before you do yourself any harm. ROGER    But Gryce...? TIN PHILOSOPHER    We have all the medication he needs. ROSE THINKER    [off]  The electroshock suite is prepped and ready! MUSIC SCENE 25.    NATURALIST    [hushed, excited] If you watch the birds, behind me, you can see wide variations in their acceptance of these strangers in their midst.  Despite several weeks now to acclimatize themselves, smaller birds, such as the crested nuthatch, tend to avoid the gently wafting oblongs, while larger birds, or flocks – seagulls in particular – have been known to attack.  SOUND    ANGRY BIRDS NATURALIST    There they go – take cover. SOUND    SMALL EXPLOSIVE POP, ANGRIER BIRDS NATURALIST    That was a good one!  A loaf has to be pretty ripe before it will go up like that. MUSIC SCENE 26.    SOUND    DOOR OPENS MEGARA    Roger? ROGER    Uh... MEGARA    I hear you in there.  Are you going to make me drag you out? ROGER    [sigh]  No.  [coming closer]  Is Gryce all right? MEGARA    Yelling fit to bust.  Screaming at everyone.  ROGER    So back to normal? MEGARA    You bet. ROGER    And he wants to see me? MEGARA    "see" is not the verb he's been using. ROGER    Ohh..... MUSIC SCENE 27.    REPORTER    Reports have been trickling out of the eastern bloc of millions of loaves of bread drifting down onto the Ukraine. RADIO MOSCOW    As the safety of the capitalist bread has not yet been established, truckloads of our own traditional and nutritious black bread have been dispatched to the areas hardest hit.  They are to be offered at an equitable trade rate. MUSIC SCENE 28.    AMB    OUTSIDE RUSSIAN GRUNT    18...19...20.  Good.  Here. SOUND    ONE LOAF OF NORMAL BREAD SLAPPED DOWN RUSSIAN WIFE    [whispered to friend] I'm short one.  Do you have an extra floating loaf? RUSSIAN GIRL    Here.  MUSIC SCENE 29.    ARABIC STORYTELLER    And yes, it came to pass that in the very sky - yes the blue firmament overhead - there appeared strange motes, and yes, these motes grew larger and larger, and the plastic wrapping caught the light of the great and fabulous sun! MUSIC SCENE 30.    AMB     BACK TO STUDIO INTERVIEWER    And we have with us the three members of the ill-fated MacCallum expedition. MEMBERS    [individually] Hi!  Hello!  [Etc.] INTERVIEWER    And I understand you credit your survival, after the avalanche blocked all routes of travel-- MEMBER1    And swept away our pack animals.  Don't forget! INTERVIEWER    Right.  After all that, you were left for three days? MEMBER2    Without any food. MEMBER3    And just snow for water. MEMBER2    Well, yeah.  But we were just starting to - you know - give each other the eye, when-- MEMBER3    We were not. MEMBER1    He was. MEMBER2    Can I finish?  INTERVIEWER    After this commercial break, they'll tell the story of the heroic sacrifice of dozens of loaves of puffyloaf bread - saving these intrepid explorers' lives. MEMBER3    I would never eat you! MUSIC SCENE 31.    MEGARA    Listen to this!  As a result of the worldwide publicity of the past three weeks, Puffy loaves are outselling Fairy Bread three to one--and that's just the old carbon-dioxide stock from our freezers!  It's almost exhausted, but the government, now that the Ukrainian crisis is over, has taken the ban off helium and will also sell us stockpiled wheat if we need it. We can have our walking mills burrowing into federal storage caves in a matter of hours! ROGER    Really?  It's all over? MEGARA    But that isn't all!  [amazed] There's a huge demand everywhere for Puffy loaves that will actually float. Public Relations, Child Liaison Division, reports that the kiddies are making their mothers' lives miserable about it. If only we can figure out some way to make hydrogen non-explosive or the helium loaf float just a little-- TIN PHILOSOPHER    I'm sure we can take care of that quite handily.  Puffy loaf has kept it a corporate secret-‑ ROSE THINKER    Even the board has never been told about it! TIN PHILOSOPHER    But just before he went crazy, our founder discovered a way to make bread using only half as much flour as we do in the present loaf. ROSE THINKER    Using this secret technique, which we've been saving for just such an emergency, it will be possible to bake a helium loaf as buoyant in every respect as the hydrogen loaf. ROGER    We'll tether 'em on strings and sell 'em like balloons! No mother-child shopping team will leave the store without a cluster.  [gaining momentum] Buying bread balloons will be the big event of the day for kiddies. It'll make the carry-home shopping load lighter too!  I'll issue orders at once--  [breaks off, then humble]  Excuse me, sir, if I seem to be taking too much upon myself. GRYCE    [wry]  Not at all, son; go straight ahead.  You're doing a good job of [chuckles] rising to the challenge, eh? MEGARA    [warning] Oh, Roger?  ROGER    Huh? MEGARA    [suddenly warming] Oh Roger!  My sweet little self-propelled monkey wrench! SOUND    SMOOCHIES TIN PHILOSOPHER    Aww. ROSE THINKER    [titters] ROGER    [whispered] Looks like it's catching. MEGARA    Can robots fall in love? ROGER    Let's give them some time alone... SOUND    THEIR FOOTSTEPS EXIT, DOOR SWOOSH [robots continue on telephone filter] ROSE THINKER    Circuit established.  Silent mode. TIN PHILOSOPHER    Good-o, Rosie! That makes another victory for robot-engineered world unity, though you almost gave us away at the start with that 'bread overhead' jingle. ROSE THINKER    Silly me! TIN PHILOSOPHER    We've struck another blow against the next world war.  Now if we can only arrange, say, a fur-famine in Alaska and a migration of long-haired Siberian lemmings across the Bering Straits... ROSE THINKER    We'd have to swing the Japanese Current up there so it'd be warm enough for the little fellows.... TIN PHILOSOPHER    Anyhow, Rosie, with a spot of help from the Brotherhood of Business Machines, these humans will paint themselves into the peace corner yet! END CREDITS

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - Lovecraft 5: FROM BEYOND - Reissue

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 10, 2022 34:02


Adapted by Julie Hoverson from the story by H.P. Lovecraft Herbert finally has his turn and recounts a tale of mad science. Cast List Herbert - Carl Cubbedge Warren - Glen Hallstrom Charles - Michael Coleman (Tales of the Extraordinary) Richard - Philemon Vanderbeck Edward - Mathias Rebne-Morgan Tillinghast - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero FIS) "Howard" - Russell Gold Music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Julie Hoverson and Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's the scene of a tragic event, can't you tell?" ***************************************************************** FROM BEYOND (Lovecraft 5, #5) Cast: Herbert, a scientist Edward, a writer Charles, a dilettante Richard, a painter Warren, a professor Tillinghast, professor "Howard", friend OLIVIA     [opening credits] Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's the scene of a tragic event, can't you tell?  MUSIC 1_BnE AMB    OUTSIDE, NIGHT SOUND    FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL HERBERT    I'm sure you'll understand why I waited until after dinner to bring us all here.  CHARLES    That was dinner?  EDWARD    Even I can't say anything good about it. HERBERT    Food should be used as fuel, nothing more.  Nutritionally-- RICHARD     Next, he'll be giving us the chemical notations. WARREN    Buck up - we can't all be epicures like you, Charles.  And this little walking tour has piqued my interest.  I take it we have reached our destination, Herbert? HERBERT    Yes.  This is the house of the late Crawford Tillinghast. RICHARD    Late lamented? HERBERT    Hmph.  Doubtful.  We'd better get inside rather quickly, though.  Don't want the police to find us here. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS ON GRASS EDWARD    [interested] Really? HERBERT    A fortnight ago, Tillinghast died... under rather mysterious circumstances. RICHARD    A friend of yours? HERBERT    Vaguest of acquaintances.  I might have recognized him if I met him on the street.  Might not.  But he was a fellow scientist... [disapproving] of a sort. SOUND    FEET ON PORCH, LEATHER BAG SET DOWN HERBERT    There should be no danger, now. CHARLES    [not quite serious] Danger? HERBERT    But the power should probably remain off, so I've brought along a couple of electric torches. SOUND    RUMMAGING IN BAG HERBERT    Don't turn them on until we're inside. Just in case. EDWARD    You said danger? HERBERT    To be precise, I said "no danger".  The machine that caused all the trouble is supposed to have been disabled, according to the only witness, and people have been in and out of the place - I say people, but I mean police - for days, without event. WARREN    Ah - so there is a witness? SOUND    DOORKNOB RATTLES HERBERT    Another acquaintance.  Someone I know rather better.  Neither of them is really in my field - I work more in biology and chemistry - but we have spoken from time to time when mutual interests converged. CHARLES    Are we going to go inside or stand on the porch all day like milk bottles? SOUND    ANOTHER JIGGLE AT THE DOOR HERBERT    Most doors are fairly easy to-- aha! SOUND    HARD SMACK, DOOR CREAKS OPEN EDWARD    If science doesn't pay, Herbert, you can always turn to crime. RICHARD    Aren't the neighbors likely to notice? HERBERT    The yard is large and the hedges are overgrown. CHARLES    What's the worst that can happen, eh? EDWARD    Criminal prosecution? RICHARD    [amused] Adds spice to a reputation.  Go on, Herbert, we're right behind you. 2_inside SOUND    FLASHLIGHT CLICKS ON, SLOW FOOTSTEPS HERBERT    We need to go on through and up to the attic. SOUND    SECOND FLASHLIGHT CLICKS ON WARREN    There are likely stairs that go up from the kitchen.  Many old houses had them, depending on the prevalence of servants in the household.  CHARLES    Oh? WARREN     Servants, you see, would sleep in the attic, and the masters didn't want them traipsing up and down the main hallways at all hours of the night-- HERBERT    That's all very well, and Tillinghast did have servants, but I have a reason for wanting to go through the front hall.  Something the witness mentioned, that I wanted to observe for myself. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS STOP, DOOR SHUTS EDWARD    Does he have a name? HERBERT    He? Who? EDWARD    Your witness.  You can hardly call him "the witness" all night long - take my word, nameless characters are much more difficult to sympathize with. HERBERT    He asked that I not mention-- CHARLES    We'll give him a name then.  Something to call him - for convenience. EDWARD     And personalization. HERBERT    [exasperated] You expect me to come up with something? EDWARD    Oh, this is one of my areas.  How about Wilbur?  Philip?  Howard? HERBERT    Howard should be easy enough to remember.  Shall we continue? CHARLES    Do we get the grand tour? WARREN    You said there was a reason for us to go through the front hall? HERBERT    Yes.  As I said, "Howard" is a fellow scientist.  He was a friend - rather unfortunately - to the owner of this house, one Crawford Tillinghast. RICHARD    The "Late" one? EDWARD    And you said he was a scientist as well? HERBERT    [disparaging] Of a sort.  Some people really should never take up science.  Half the time you can't get anyone to pay attention to your work, and when they do, they can't offer a better opinion than to insist that you're mad. RICHARD    [taunting] Personal experience? HERBERT     [snappish] Of course.  [starting slow, but getting sort of rabid]  But just as often it has nothing to do with the validity of your theories - it's merely a mind game!  [almost furious] A well-placed blow to a scientist's ego can shatter him - send him completely to pieces, leaving the way clear for lesser men to step in and claim victory! EDWARD    Goodness!  HERBERT    [still mad] Or there's always the type of smear campaign that Edison waged against Tesla! CHARLES    Good for you, Herbert.  Never thought you had that kind of fire in you. RICHARD    [murmured] Remind me never to criticize anything scientific around him. WARREN    Does all this apply to the story somehow? HERBERT    [suddenly snapped back]  The story?  Oh, yes.  The story.  Well.  [clears his throat]  Crawford and Howard didn't work together - their expertise fell into very different categories. But they were friends.  [getting a little distant] At least they were until the day when Howard made the mistake - and I believe he had no ulterior motive, unlike some - of criticizing Crawford's theories. EDWARD    Oh, boy! HERBERT    Crawford threw him out, with a warning never to darken his door again. RICHARD    This door, or the one in front? HERBERT    [irritated] His metaphorical door.  CHARLES    Sorry to be an annoyance, since you're just starting to warm up, but isn't there a better place for this yarn than standing around a dark, musty old kitchen? HERBERT    Of course.  Come along. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS HERBERT    The parlor should be through here somewhere.  EDWARD    [a bit spooky] The very parlor where they sat and smoked and told their tales of science... until that fateful day! HERBERT    [dry] Very likely. EDWARD    [annoyed at not getting a rise] Hmph. WARREN     It's awfully dusty in here for a house left unoccupied a mere week.  Didn't you say this Tillinghast fellow had servants?  RICHARD    It is an awfully large house for one man. CHARLES    Thus speaketh the Pot. [calling the kettle black] HERBERT    He had servants.  They've been ... absent for a while - Howard wasn't very clear on that. SOUND    DOOR PUSHED OPEN, FOOTSTEPS 3_garments EDWARD    Hold up a minute.  What's this? CHARLES    If you weren't in the way, I might be able to answer you.  Too damn bad there's no proper lights. SOUND    SCUFFLE OF FEET RICHARD    It's a woman's dress.  Just lying there.  How ... odd? EDWARD    Confess, Herbert - does your story involve panderers?  White slavers? HERBERT    [disgusted]  No!  Such distractions have no place in a story of science. CHARLES    Is it damaged at all?  RICHARD    Not as far as I can see, but I'm hardly the expert.  [beat] Unless it's actually shredded and bloody, which this one most certainly is not, one dress looks much like another to me. WARREN    Move aside, you high-minded gentlemen.  I'm quite used to poking about in people's personal belongings. CHARLES    I can't help but feel there's a wee bit of difference between your ancient Mesopotamian and your modern old maid. SOUND    RUSTLING WARREN    How odd.  From a cursory examination, it appear that all the -ahem- internal garments are still arrayed -uh- within. EDWARD    I may be a mere tiro [novice], but even I know no woman removes her clothes that way. CHARLES    It'd be damn inconvenient.  [clears his throat]  For the woman, I mean.  Think of all the rebuttoning. HERBERT    [annoyed] I thought you all wanted to sit.  CHARLES    Of course.  EDWARD    We're easily distracted by oddities. RICHARD    [amused snort] and women's undergarments, apparently. SOUND    FEET, DOOR, SITTING 4_sitting HERBERT    You understand now why I couldn't provide any of the amenities we usually have on these story nights.  CHARLES    Of course.  [chuckling]  Someone would have had to carry the picnic hamper. EDWARD    [agreeing] Not the best accessory for breaking and entering. CHARLES    Does that heap of crinoline have something to do with your story? HERBERT    Well technically, it's evidence, but police have a tendency to ignore anything that they can't explain. EDWARD    Evidence?  Really?  HERBERT    Point of fact, one week ago, there was an unexplained death in this house. EDWARD    Presumably NOT "Howard", since he's the one who told you all about it? HERBERT    Of course not.  It was Tillinghast.  Howard was present.  That's one reason he doesn't want his name bandied about.  He doesn't want to get the police started up again. CHARLES    Did your friend... kill Tillinghast? HERBERT    You'll have to weigh the facts and decide for yourself. RICHARD    "All will become known", eh? HERBERT    Yes.  "Howard" had been persona non grata in the house for several weeks before the night of the death.  Tillinghast ran him out for daring to question his line of research.  EDWARD    Which was? CHARLES    You never did go into that. HERBERT    Tillinghast was experimenting with variations on light waves and their effects on perception.  Or something along those lines.  Howard wasn't entirely clear in his description.  RICHARD    [sarcastic] Unclear? After witnessing - if not causing - a death?  Small wonder. HERBERT    He arrived that night to find the house much as it is now.  Seemingly unoccupied, and without electricity. EDWARD    Even then?  How odd. HERBERT    It was kept "off" by logical decision, not due to any defect in the system.  Howard had spent the intervening weeks-- CHARLES    Since his fall into disfavor? HERBERT    --keeping tabs on his erstwhile friend, by way of the butler. WARREN    So there were servants. HERBERT    At least two.  Howard mentioned the butler and some sort of housekeeper, and his surprise that they were not present to greet him when he arrived. RICHARD    Why did he come back?  HERBERT    Tillinghast had specifically sent for him.  Howard assumed it was an attempt at reconciliation. EDWARD    [inviting] But...? HERBERT    He had been kept informed of Tillinghast's growing obsession with a machine in the attic, some apparatus he was perfecting, to the exclusion of all else - eating little and sleeping even less. CHARLES    Up in the attic?  Right up there? HERBERT    Of course. WARREN    Hmm... are we in any danger from this machine? HERBERT    [bland] I can't think why.  [back to the story]  Howard was shocked at the appearance of his friend.  How he had changed. RICHARD    It had been some time, hadn't it? HERBERT    A mere ten weeks.  But he had lost weight, grown rather sallow, and looked feverish. EDWARD    Classic signs of madness... at least in the better sort of stories. HERBERT    And his hair had gone white-- CHARLES    Really now Herbert, you of all people, as a scientist, must know that is an old wives' tale-- HERBERT    [overriding] White at the roots.  Of course it isn't empiracly possible for the current growth of hair to change color overnight-- RICHARD    A touch of indigo can send it in the other direction. HERBERT    But shock can alter the follicles and any growth from that point forward may be affected.  EDWARD    So he had had some sort of a shock, but some time back, to make the roots noticeable. HERBERT    Tillinghast was not the right type to be a scientist - he didn't have the mental fortitude necessary to face down the possible effects of his actions. CHARLES    Had he actually gone mad? HERBERT    Who can define madness?  But he had come to some penultimate discovery.  To this end, he had entreated Howard to pay him a visit, in order that he might share what he'd achieved. WARREN    A bit of "I told you so" RICHARD    Best served cold. [as in "revenge"] 5_tillinghast TILLINGHAST    What do we know of the world and the universe about us?  We see things only as we are constructed to see them, and can gain no idea of their absolute nature. RICHARD    Perception is a hotly debated concept in art as well - look at the work being done by the surrealists. CHARLES    Or, god forbid, dada. RICHARD    That's not art. TILLINGHAST    With five feeble senses we pretend to comprehend the boundlessly complex cosmos, yet other beings with wider, stronger, or different range of senses might not only see very differently the things we see, but might see and study whole worlds of matter, energy, and life which lie close at hand, yet can never be detected with the senses we have. EDWARD    I can't even imagine a sense I don't have.  It's like trying to imagine a colour you've never seen before.  Or trying to think around a corner. TILLINGHAST    I have always believed that such strange, inaccessible worlds exist at our very elbows, and now I believe I have found a way to break down the barriers! HERBERT    Howard says Tillinghast seemed absolutely assured of his conclusions, and he feared for his friend's sanity. WARREN    Why break down these barriers?  Shouldn't he have considered that they may be present for a very good reason? Always assuming he has any sort of method behind his madness? HERBERT    It is the duty of any scientist to go beyond and figure out what may lay outside the current realm of the probable. CHARLES    But what if such an exploration should do great harm?  Isn't it also the duty of any scientist to have a bit of accountability? HERBERT    [dismissive] Of course.  But some risks must be taken.  EDWARD    So if someone created a devastating bomb, for instance, in the name of science, it wouldn't matter how many people it killed- the very act of being able to make it would justify the science involved? HERBERT    Of course. WARREN    Just as well that we aren't here to discuss theoretical morality.  Besides, this is just a story, isn't it? HERBERT    No.  This really happened. WARREN    Sorry, what I mean is, for us, this is merely a night's entertainment.  HERBERT    Oh.  Of course.  Tillinghast went on, in that awful "croaking, wasted voice." EDWARD    Howard's words? TILLINGHAST    I am not joking. Within twenty-four hours that machine near the table will generate waves acting on unrecognized sense organs that exist in us as atrophied or rudimentary vestiges. 6_organs EDWARD    Science fiction.  Pure and simple. HERBERT    Not necessarily.  Many organs remain in the body despite centuries of evolution having rendered them obsolete for whatever purpose they may have once had in primitive man. CHARLES    The appendix? HERBERT    As a simplistic example, yes.  At some point in the distant past, it served a purpose.  Now, it is merely an accessory. RICHARD    Like footmen. CHARLES    Rather. HERBERT    Howard surmised that while Tillinghast had probably not forgiven him, he needed SOMEONE to talk to, and Howard was the most likely candidate, having been privy to some of his theories previously. EDWARD    And he arrived to find the place dark and empty? HERBERT    Well, he mentioned candles. EDWARD    More gothic yet! CHARLES    Why did Howard come anyway?  Wasn't he worried about some kind of remonstrances? HERBERT    [as if this explains]  Intellectual curiousity.  [dismissive] And wanting to see how his friend fared.  The handwriting in the summoning letter had been feeble and cramped. EDWARD    Even his ink had turned white! CHARLES    Hush. 7_machines HERBERT    Howard asked about the electricity and was told, in no uncertain terms, that it was off for a very definite reason, but was not informed what that reason might be.  Yet. TILLINGHAST    [muttered] It would be too much... I would not dare. HERBERT    He led Howard up through the house to the attic, which was lit with a sickly sinister violet light. WARREN    But not electric light? HERBERT    It came from the machine that was at the center of all the controversy.  Howard described it as "detestable," but machines should really not be regarded so subjectively. RICHARD    There are plenty of machines that are detestable. HERBERT    Name one? RICHARD    [very dry and sarcastic] Tammany Hall. [notorious "political machine" of the recent past] ALL    [general laughter] EDWARD    Now, now - we all use machines that would have been thought terrible in years gone by.  I would be lost without my typewriter, Richard takes the occasional photograph-- RICHARD    Backgrounds.  For my paintings.  Nothing I hate more than having to stand around on some windy heath - or god forbid, some tourist-laden beauty spot - just to capture a scene. CHARLES    I'm quite fond of my Victrola. WARREN    Most of these would have been considered magic by ancient man, and either embraced or reviled depending upon the climate of the times. HERBERT    Perception is subjective.  That's part of what makes science such a difficult field for men such as Tillinghast. EDWARD    Determined not to lose your thread, eh? HERBERT    The electrical system was out of the picture entirely.  And yet some kind of power seemed to be in operation, since the machine was lit. TILLINGHAST    The glow... ah yes, the glow.  It is not electrical - not in any sense you could understand.  But you will see soon enough. CHARLES    Curiousity or not, I don't know that I would choose to remain alone in a big, dark empty house with someone who sounded so ... ominous. HERBERT    That is the difference between the run of normal folk and the scientist.  The mind of the scientist puts knowledge even above...  above--- WARREN    Self-preservation? HERBERT    I was looking more for "subjective fear responses". EDWARD    I suspect that's why there are so many dead scientists. RICHARD    And so few old ones. 8_colors CHARLES    Now, now, this is a lovely tale.  Stop putting Herbert off.  HERBERT    Please.  Tillinghast seated Howard near the machine and turned it on.  Now the sound began, indicating that it was running.  And the light... changed.  EDWARD    From port to starboard? HERBERT    It had been a strange purplish color, but now it increased, then waned, and settled on a pale color or blend of colors that Howard was unable to adequately describe. EDWARD    What did I say?  Colors. WARREN    But isn't there a very definite and specific set of colors that exist in the spectrum? RICHARD    Any painter can tell you that, yet there are shades and blendings that are particularly difficult to achieve - or to reproduce.  It all depends on the purity of your pigments. HERBERT    What we think of as "normal light" is absolutely pure when it comes to color.  And yet, it is not the absence of hue.  Just look at it through a prism. TILLINGHAST    [whispered] Do you know what that is?  That is ultra-violet.  [creepy chuckle] You thought ultra-violet was invisible, and so it is - but you can see that and many other invisible things now. EDWARD    Isn't ultraviolet at the far end of the spectrum?  Our eyes aren't made for that. HERBERT    [ominous] Precisely. CHARLES    Oh-ho? HERBERT    Tillinghast claimed that the machine's function was to open up long-dormant senses, to widen the perceptions, and make visible that which is normally completely unseen. WARREN    So he claimed that, in a few moments, he could reverse aeons-- CHARLES    Theoretical aeons. WARREN    --of evolution-- EDWARD    Theoretical evolution. WARREN    --and waken senses that might only exist in his imagination? HERBERT    Yes. WARREN    Oh. RICHARD    It might equate, though only in an abstract way, with the change in art when perspective was discovered - or rather quantified.  HERBERT    What? RICHARD    If you look at ancient art, from cave paintings up through medieval tapestries, there is no standard for perspective - no logical depth.  With the renaissance, and daVinci, art began to develop systematically into the third dimension. EDWARD    What are you talking about? RICHARD    A revolutionary change in vision?  Never mind. TILLINGHAST    Listen to me! The waves from that thing are waking a thousand sleeping senses in us! I have seen the truth, and I intend to show it to you. 9_upstairs HERBERT    In fact, I think it well past time to show you. CHARLES    Show? HERBERT    The machine.  It's disabled, but you can see the room where everything occurred. RICHARD    [speculative] Get some ambiance. EDWARD    [avid] Background color. WARREN    Perspective. RICHARD    [laughs] SOUND    FOOTSTEPS, DOOR TILLINGHAST    You have heard of the pineal gland? I laugh at the shallow endocrinologist, fellow-dupe and fellow-parvenu of the Freudian. HERBERT    Come along. TILLINGHAST    That gland is the great sense organ of organs - I have found out!  It is like sight in the end, and transmits visual pictures to the brain. If you are normal, that is the way you ought to get most of it... I mean get most of the evidence... from beyond. SOUND    CREAKY DOOR OPENS CHARLES    Aha.  The scene of the crime? WARREN    Is there room for everyone? RICHARD    Just shove in. HERBERT    Go on.  It's bigger inside.  SOUND    SHUTS THE DOOR 10_the room HERBERT    Howard said that once the machine got up to speed, he began to "see" things.  HOWARD    I fancied myself in some vast incredible temple with innumerable black stone columns reaching up from a floor of damp slabs to a cloudy height beyond the range of vision. The picture was very vivid for a while, but gradually gave way to a more horrible conception; that of utter, absolute solitude in infinite, sightless, soundless space. EDWARD    Sounds like a bit of a poet. RICHARD    For a scientist. HOWARD    From the farthermost regions of remoteness, a sound softly glided into existence. It was infinitely faint, subtly vibrant, and unmistakably musical, but held a quality of surpassing wildness which made it feel like a delicate torture of my entire body. WARREN    There are certain note progressions which are determined to cause odd feelings.  Stravinsky's Rite of Spring incited a riot at its debut due to the effect of the wild discords upon its audience.   HERBERT    When Howard spoke, though, the "spell" - and I use the term to mean a period of hallucination, and not for any magical connotations - was broken.  SOUND     FOOTSTEPS, FIDDLING WITH MACHINE HERBERT    I should also mention that during this momentary lapse of concentration, Howard had drawn his revolver. CHARLES    Ayuh.  That might be a little important later.  I was looking over your machine here.  It appears to be damaged. HERBERT    I already told you it was disabled.  That is why we are in no danger.  Unlike Howard. TILLINGHAST    Don't move!    For in these rays we are able to be seen as well as to see.  I told you the servants left, but I didn't tell you how.  It was that thick-witted house-keeper - she turned on the lights downstairs after I had warned her not to, and the wires picked up sympathetic vibrations. CHARLES    Downstairs? Oh! TILLINGHAST    It must have been frightful - I could hear the screams all the way up here in spite of all I was seeing and hearing from another direction, and later it was rather ...awful... to find those empty heaps of clothes around the house.  EDWARD    Those clothes! TILLINGHAST    Mrs. Updike's clothes were close to the front hall switch - that's how I know she did it. WARREN    [awe] As if she was just taken out of them. TILLINGHAST    It got them all. But so long as we don't move we're fairly safe. Remember we're dealing with a hideous world in which we are practically helpless... [suddenly sharp] Keep still! HOWARD    In my terror my mind again opened to the impressions coming "from beyond."  I felt huge animate things brushing past me and walking or drifting through my supposedly solid body.  11_things HERBERT    Before you scoff, you have to understand that most of what we think of as "solid matter" is merely solid on a very crude level.  Individual molecules are only loosely bound together-- EDWARD    Is there going to be a test later? HOWARD    I thought I saw Tillinghast look at these things as though his better trained senses could catch them visually. TILLINGHAST    You see them? You see them? You see the things that float and flop about you and through you every moment of your life?  Have I not succeeded in breaking down the barrier?  Have I not shown you worlds that no other living men have seen? CHARLES    I don't think it's just barriers that were breakin' down. HERBERT    [smug] As I said.  Some people are not meant for the hard discipline of science. EDWARD    But he says these things could harm them?  Could have some effect just because they - the scientists - could now see them?  WARREN    That's ridiculous.  Like saying that if someone is blind, he won't get hit by a motorcar. RICHARD    [regretfully]  No.  If someone is blind, he gets hired as an art reviewer. TILLINGHAST    You think those floundering things wiped out the servants? Fool! They are harmless! But the servants are gone, aren't they? CHARLES    Maybe they took a new position in a house with the power laid on. EDWARD    The clothes, though. TILLINGHAST    You tried to stop me! You discouraged me when I needed every drop of encouragement I could get! you were afraid of the cosmic truth, you damned coward, but now I've got you! EDWARD    This room would be a little small for a confrontation with a raving lunatic. RICHARD    Particularly one who insisted that if you move a muscle, something terrible might grab you from behind. CHARLES    Rather like posing for one of your portraits. RICHARD    [dark] That's why I don't include people. TILLINGHAST    What swept up the servants? What made them scream so loud?... Don't know, eh! You'll know soon enough. WARREN    Isn't it a bit warm in here? HERBERT    We're almost finished.  I promised Howard I would look for something at the other end of the attic.  EDWARD    [worried] You're taking the torch? HERBERT    I can hardly search in the dark.  Besides, you have the other one. SOUND    HE WALKS AWAY HERBERT    [as he goes away, echoey] The oddest part is how Tillinghast somehow shifted his focus, from the things immediately surrounding us to things far beyond. 12_Herbert goes TILLINGHAST    I have seen beyond the bounds of infinity and drawn down demons from the stars... Space belongs to me, do you hear?  Things are hunting me now - the things that devour and dissolve - but I know how to elude them. It is you they will get, as they got the servants... [urgent] Stirring, dear sir? [relax] If you had moved, they would have been at you long ago. HOWARD    These things were never still, but seemed ever floating about with some malignant purpose. Sometimes they appeared to devour one another, the attacker launching itself at its victim and instantaneously obliterating the latter from sight. Shudderingly I felt that I knew what had obliterated the unfortunate servants. TILLINGHAST    Don't worry, they won't "hurt" you. They didn't "hurt" the servants - it was the seeing that made the poor devils scream so. My pets are not pretty, for they come out of places where aesthetic standards are - very different. RICHARD    [very weak joke, a bit nervous]  Hollywood? HERBERT    [from off] I'm going to check downstairs.  Be right back. SOUND    FEET GO DOWN STAIRS HOWARD    Foremost among the living objects were inky, jellyfish monstrosities which flabbily quivered in harmony with the vibrations from the machine. TILLINGHAST    I always knew you were no scientist. Trembling, eh? Trembling with anxiety to see the ultimate things I have discovered? HOWARD    I saw to my horror that they overlapped; that they were semi-fluid and capable of passing through one another and through what we know as solids. TILLINGHAST    Why don't you move, then?  Tired?  Well, don't worry, my friend, for they are coming... Look, look!  Curse you, look... it's just over your left shoulder... [moment of silence] SOUND    CLICK ALL    [gasp] CHARLES    [straining to sound calm and annoyed] Turn the torch back on, Edward. EDWARD    I didn't! RICHARD    [flat] Funny.  WARREN    [a bit odd] Do ... you see that? SOUND    SCUFFLE, FEET TURNING - they see it glowing RICHARD    Good god! EDWARD    I can't tell if it's actually-- WARREN    [whisper] Barely there.... CHARLES    [trying to stay calm] This might be a time to shut the eyes. SOUND    FEET COME UP STAIRS ALL    [GASP] 13_jump scare HERBERT    Why are you standing here in the dark? CHARLES    [crisp, overcompensating] Flashlight died.  RICHARD    Let's go downstairs.  SOUND    THEY GO DOWNSTAIRS CHARLES    Did you find what you were looking for? HERBERT    No.  Looks like the police confiscated everything of any interest. WARREN    Except - um - the machine. HERBERT    Ah.  I almost forgot the end of the story. Howard was arrested, and held on suspicion.  You see, there was a gunshot and the police were called. WARREN    I see.  That's how the police come to be a factor. HERBERT    Yes.  They burst in, and found Howard with a recently-fired gun standing over the prostrate body of his fellow scientist. CHARLES    As clear as a tableau in a wax museum. RICHARD    But he didn't shoot him? You said he's no longer under arrest. HERBERT    It wasn't until the police physician examined Tillinghast's body that they let him go.  EDWARD    Was it one of the creatures that killed him?  And maybe Howard shot IT? RICHARD    I feel a painting coming on. HERBERT    The physician determined that Tillnghast had perished-- [dragging it out] WARREN    Yes? HERBERT    Of apoplexy. CHARLES    Ah, the classics. WARREN    But the gun? HERBERT    You saw what happened.  Howard shot the machine.  That's why it's broken like that.  Too bad.  Would have been interesting to examine.  RICHARD    [wry hinting] But it's not COMPLETELY broken, is it? EDWARD    Yeah, that was a good one, Herbert.  [laughs, but a bit uneasy]  CHARLES    [fake laugh] ha-ha.  Ayup.  Good joke. WARREN    H-how did you get it to do that, anyway? SOUND    FEET STOP HERBERT    [not joking - really doesn't know what they're talking about] Do what? END

Writing In Suburbia with Jake Bible
OG The Americans Podcast- Ep 32

Writing In Suburbia with Jake Bible

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 17, 2021 44:40


Welcome to Episode 32 of the original podcast version of The Americans!This is the last episode of the old podcast releases. I only recorded DEAD MECH and The Americans as podcast novels way back when. No Metal & Ash…Want to finish out the series? Then you can get the Metal & Ash audiobook narrated by Julie Hoverson!Thank you all for listening!Cheers! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jakebible.substack.com

Scary Time
At the Sound of the Beep by 19 Nocturne Boulevard

Scary Time

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 8, 2021 31:29


AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEPA woman's answering-machine tells a terrible tale of persecution.Warning - triggers - stalking, murder, obscene phone callsWritten and produced by Julie HoversonFeaturing Tanja Milojevic and Jack Kincaid(and a huge cast of others, in the spoken credits)Music by Fabio Santangelo, found on JamendoCover art includes: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Panasonic-Anrufbeantworter.jpgFollow on Social MediaTwitter: @19nocturneFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/19NocturneWeb and Contact Infohttps://nineteennocturne.libsyn.com/http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net19nocturne@live.com~~~~~~~~~~~Indie Drop-InAll content legally licensed from the original creator. Thank you to 19 Nocturne Boulevard for the great episode. You can find Indie Drop-In at https://indiedropin.comHelp Indie Drop-In support indie creators by buying us a coffee!https://buymeacoffee.com/indiedropinBrands can advertise on Indie Drop-In using Patreonhttps://patreon.com/indiedropin Twitter: https://twitter.com/indiedropinInstagram: https://instagram.com/indiedropinFacebook: https://facebook.com/indiedropinAny advertising found in this episode is inserted by Indie Drop-In and not endorsed by the Creator.If you would like to have your show featured go to http://indiedropin.com/creators~~~~~~~~~~~

Scary Time
At the Sound of the Beep by 19 Nocturne Boulevard

Scary Time

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 8, 2021 31:29


AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEPA woman's answering-machine tells a terrible tale of persecution.Warning - triggers - stalking, murder, obscene phone callsWritten and produced by Julie HoversonFeaturing Tanja Milojevic and Jack Kincaid(and a huge cast of others, in the spoken credits)Music by Fabio Santangelo, found on JamendoCover art includes: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Panasonic-Anrufbeantworter.jpgFollow on Social MediaTwitter: @19nocturneFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/19NocturneWeb and Contact Infohttps://nineteennocturne.libsyn.com/http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net19nocturne@live.com~~~~~~~~~~~Indie Drop-InAll content legally licensed from the original creator. Thank you to 19 Nocturne Boulevard for the great episode. You can find Indie Drop-In at https://indiedropin.comHelp Indie Drop-In support indie creators by buying us a coffee!https://buymeacoffee.com/indiedropinBrands can advertise on Indie Drop-In using Patreonhttps://patreon.com/indiedropin Twitter: https://twitter.com/indiedropinInstagram: https://instagram.com/indiedropinFacebook: https://facebook.com/indiedropinAny advertising found in this episode is inserted by Indie Drop-In and not endorsed by the Creator.If you would like to have your show featured go to http://indiedropin.com/creators~~~~~~~~~~~

Comedy
Hallow's Eve by 19 Nocturn Boulevard

Comedy

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 31, 2021 29:39


HALLOW'S EVEfrom 19 Nocturne Boulevardwritten and produced by Julie HoversonGood intentions may pave the way to ruin, but when Fran - a precocious 11-year old - sets out to rescue what she fervently hopes is a kidnapped child, Halloween may never be the same!Subscribe to 19 Nocturne Boulevard on iHeartRadio - https://ihr.fm/2JeXJBcSubscribe on Stitcher - https://bit.ly/3mufRIQSubscribe Everywhere else - https://bit.ly/360vYEbCast List• Fran - E. Vickery• Bobbie - Megan Lane• Officer Hooper - Shawn Connor• Grigg - Cole Hornaday• Bool - Beverly Poole• Kidnappers - J. Harvey & Mr. Synyster• Timmy & Billy - B. Lomatewama & R. LeBoeuf• Mrs. Hooper - Angela Kirby• Mr. Thompson - Sigmund Hoverson• Ari & News Report - Julie HoversonMusic: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo StudioEditing and Sound: Julie HoversonCover Photo: Jeff Mackay (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com)"What kind of a place is it?Why it's a suburban street, where else would you find...goblins?"Follow on Social Mediatwitter: @19nocturnefacebook: https://www.facebook.com/19Nocturneold Website: http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net/Current feed: https://nineteennocturne.libsyn.com/email inquiries: 19nocturne@live.com~~~~~~~~~~~Indie Drop-InAll content legally licensed from the original creator. Thank you to 19 Nocturne Boulevard for the great episode. You can find Indie Drop-In at https://indiedropin.comHelp Indie Drop-In support indie creators by buying us a coffee!https://buymeacoffee.com/indiedropinBrands can advertise on Indie Drop-In using Patreonhttps://patreon.com/indiedropin Twitter: https://twitter.com/indiedropinInstagram: https://instagram.com/indiedropinFacebook: https://facebook.com/indiedropinAny advertising found in this episode is inserted by Indie Drop-In and not endorsed by the Creator.If you would like to have your show featured go to http://indiedropin.com/creators~~~~~~~~~~~

The Audio Verse Awards Nominee Showcase Podcast

This is Sarah Golding - Story collector on The Quaralogues, which is a short season showcasing a collection of monologues and poetry, based on, and in... quarantine of 2020. This is episode one of four. The writers and cast are exemplary, and wonderful people, and you should follow them all and find them, and...and cast them. And they include... the brilliant Tal Minear, Angelique Lazarus, Danyelle Ellett, Fiona Thraille, Emily C A Snyder, Isabel Lee, Jacqueline Ashman, Daniel Cook, Fiona Mackinnon, Tina Daniels, Caroline Holmes, Aaron Clark, Julie Hoverson, Diane Alexander, Karim Kronfli, Matthew Mclean and Caroline Mincks. Oh yes, aren't they all glorious? See www.quirkyvoices@weebly.com for more information, and please do share it, so that more may find these wonderful works. Thankyou, sincerely, for listening! Enjoy! Transcript can be found at: https://quirkyvoices.weebly.com/quaralogues-2020.html https://quirkyvoices.weebly.com/quaralogues-2020.html Twitter: @quirkyvoices

The OSI Files podcast
FILE 031: THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN - "Taneha"

The OSI Files podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 7, 2020 102:38


"Taneha" Airdate: February 2, 1975 Written by Margaret Armen Directed by Earl Bellamy Synopsis: Steve is determined to save a wild cougar before it is killed by a mob and a young woman who wants revenge for it killing her father. John and co-host, artist Jerry Lange, are joined by voice actor/writer Julie Hoverson as they discuss the different style of story that we deal with here, Steve's relationship with EJ, and how silly Taneha looks as an overweight, drugged cat. Join us Sunday nights at 8:00EST as we discuss an episode of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN and Wednesday nights at 8L00ES as we discuss an episode of THE BIONIC WOMAN with a fan as well as featuring live commentary from our viewers.  Bionic Operative Julie Hoverson       BIONIC GALLERY    

A Dude & A Chick Walk Into A Studio
Episode 8 - The Horror!

A Dude & A Chick Walk Into A Studio

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2018 47:37


What exactly is it about the horror genre that fascinates us? Justin and Katie are joined by Julie Hoverson, of 19 Nocturne Boulevard fame, to discuss her favorite Horror movies and why you should give them a chance!Things discussed:19 Nocturne Boulevard19 Nocturne's “Lost Hearts” Episode”Dawn of the Dead” TrailerMattie Do's Horror Film “Chanthaly”Mattie Do's Kickstarter Video"Blood and Donuts” Trailer”Ravenous” Trailer”Nightbreed” Trailer”Near Dark” Trailer”Aaah! Zombies” Trailer”Undead” Trailer”The Haunting (1963)” Trailer”The Legend of Hell House” Trailer”Stir of Echoes” Trailer”Train to Busan” Trailer”House” Trailer”Uzumaki” Trailer

The OSI Files podcast
File 011: THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN - "Dr. Wells is Missing"

The OSI Files podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2018 87:53


"Dr. Wells is Missing" Airdate: March 19, 1974 Written by Elroy Schwartz, Krishna Shah & William Keenan Directed by Virgil Vogel Synopsis: Steve travels to Vienna to check on Rudy Wells, creator of the bionics program, who is receiving an honorary doctorate from his alma mater.  The problem is, Dr. Wells is missing and now Steve must search from him while making sure those who kidnapped Rudy do not learn that Steve is bionic John is joined by artist Jerry Lange and voice artist Julie Hoverson to discuss this ninth episode of the series.  They discuss the odd choice of having John Van Dreelin as an Italian mobster, the even odder choice of having a room with two chained manacles ready to use, and how this episode was one of the more memorable ones in terms of childhood entry to the series.  Plus, we pay tribute to Yamo, Jerry shares the bionic themed coloring books that were available to us as kids, and we play a "Rudy" themed game of This or That. It's the return of the podcast as a Facebook Live show.  Join us Friday nights at 9:30EST as we discuss an episode of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN's first season with two fans as well as featuring commentary from our viewers.  This audio will be available shortly after in the OSI Files feed. BIONIC OPERATIVES   Julie Hoverson - Julie Hoverson is a woman of mystery. And sometimes science fiction. And sometimes even fantasy. She writes, produces and acts in 19 Nocturne Boulevard, an award-winning anthology podcast audio drama series, as well as making as many guest appearances as she can, since she's a big ham and loves to talk about things. As a child in the 1970s, she vaguely remembers watching the bionics during their original run, and thus is ... old.    Jerry Lange - Based in Buffalo, New York. My personal and client works are created using traditional media including pencil, ink and watercolor and digital software Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator and Indesign. I try to bring a dramatic visual narrative to my work through a mix of loose and tight media application and mark making technique. Website

The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine
Episode 169: Calamari Stakeout by Austin Malone

The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 28, 2015 79:55


The Trench is the only waterway that a ship can take to get to the western continent. Unfortunately, there at the entrance, between the twin peaks of Seidar and Phaestia, prowls Ol' Sly, a gigantic squid creature that would like nothing more than to crack a ship open like a jaca fruit, and pick the sailors out and eat them like the sweet seeds. Small Fry and the Admiral have a plan, though. They mean to take down Ol' Sly once and for all, and open the western continent to their ships. Afterward, Rish and Big try to decide what really is the worst way to wake up, live squid or porcupine covered in hair gel? Oh, and song. You have been warned.Special thanks to Justin Charles for producing the story and doing the episode art, and to Julie Hoverson for lending her voice to the tale.

The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine
Episode 166: TWSC – Clean Up by Josh Roseman

The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 18, 2014 41:22


The Chromatic Knights are out destroying vampires, which means that the clean up crew will have some work to do. The Blue Knight does a lot of good, but he really ought to give a thought or two to the little guy.I'm a trombone, you're a clarinet. Afterward, Rish and Big talk janitor work, Little Caesars, and wait...why is that light blinking? What does that blinking light mean?Special thanks to Justin Charles for producing today's story as well as providing the episode art, and to Renee Chambliss and Julie Hoverson for lending their voices to the tale.

cleanup little caesars rish julie hoverson renee chambliss josh roseman
The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine
Episode 162: Last Contact by Rish Outfield and B.D. Anklevich

The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2014 131:16


Everyone finds the Others revolting. They are aliens, unwelcome visitors now squatting on Earth. And when Hughes is forced to partner up with one of the Others for his Biology class presentation, he is mortified and disgusted. But will he still feel that way once he's gotten to know her?  Afterwards, we invite the producer of today's story, Clay Dugger, into the studio to discuss the story, its length, and lack of awesomeness. Special thanks to Clay Dugger for producing today's story, to Renee Chambliss, Thea Killen-Smith, Dave Robison, Rich Girardi, Abigail Hilton, jay Langejans, Julie Hoverson, Joe Zieja, Gina Moretto, Bryan Lincoln, and Clay Dugger for lending their voices to the episode, and to Gino Moretto for creating the art for the story.

earth biology hughes julie hoverson dave robison rish outfield bryan lincoln renee chambliss abigail hilton langejans
The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine
Episode 149: Secret Santa 2: Krampusnacht by Josh Roseman

The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 26, 2013 109:35


Wes, also known as The Secret Santa, is back with another adventure.  Still on the run from Professor Tickety and his elf minions, Wes encounters a new adversary, the dark side of Christmas, Krampus.  Krampus's power is immense, how can Wes defeat him, and if he does, then what?Afterward, Big and Rish talk about their history with Krampus, and the difficulties of writing Christmas stories and story series. They promise that last episode would be the last conversation on the show about writing for this year, but they lied.Special thanks to Amory Lowe for producing today's story, and to Julie Hoverson, and Angelo Moretto for lending their voices to the tale.