As a leader who deeply cares about your contribution and impact on the world, what if you were told that achieving the next level of success with your team, business and family won't be found through signing up for yet another training, expensive mastermind, or who's-who networking event. What if the key to your potential sits across from you at your breakfast table every morning? Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer are husband and wife, business partners, and hosts of The Art of We, a podcast that explores how committed partnerships can be potent vehicles for fully delivering our gifts to the world. As seasoned leaders, educators, and entrepreneurs, they know that the key to their greatest success out in the world lies inside the health, security, and depth of their relationship. The more skilled and secure their partnership, the greater capacity each has to step into their fullest authenticity and potential. On this show, they will share lessons from their marriage and professional careers that help them thrive. They’ll share where they get stuck, how they overcome challenges, and they’ll dialogue with thought leaders to broaden the conversation. You’ll leave each episode with practices, tools, inspiration, and conversation topics for the dinner table or your team’s next offsite. If you’re a leader, founder, or overachiever, and you want to better understand how to leverage your relationships for personal and collective growth, then we invite you to subscribe to The Art of We.
Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer
The Art of We podcast, hosted by Krista and Dr. Will, is a refreshing and insightful look at relationships and personal development. Through their own experiences and research-backed strategies, they provide listeners with practical guidance on how to enhance their partnerships and unlock their potential.
One of the best aspects of The Art of We podcast is the genuine and relatable approach that Krista and Dr. Will bring to the discussion of relationships. They challenge conventional notions of success by highlighting the transformative power of strong partnerships, offering fresh insights and practical guidance for listeners. Their open and vulnerable conversations create a space for deep exploration into topics such as communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, and personal growth.
While The Art of We podcast is overall informative and empowering, one potential downside could be the lack of diversity in terms of perspectives or guests featured on the show. Including a wider range of voices could provide listeners with even more varied insights and experiences to learn from.
In conclusion, The Art of We podcast is a valuable resource for anyone looking to deepen their relationships and personal growth. Krista and Dr. Will bring a unique perspective to the table, combining research-based knowledge with personal anecdotes to offer engaging and thought-provoking content. Whether you're looking to strengthen your intimate relationship or improve your connections with others, this podcast offers practical tools and inspiration to help you along your journey.
When conflict arises in a relationship, do you retreat, explode, or sweep it under the rug? We unpack one of our foundational relationship agreements: to Repair Abundantly. We explore how the ability to fully and lovingly repair after conflict is the difference between surviving and thriving—and how the right kind of repair doesn't just restore connection, it deepens it. We share personal stories, listener questions, and the real-life impact of doing this work together, especially when triggers come up again (and again). “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Why this is one of our most essential agreements(01:40) What repair means to us (and how it's different than just “making up”)(03:30) Attachment theory and the 3 phases(05:28) How repair can leave you more connected than before the conflict(07:22) What happens when repair isn't mutual or complete(10:38) “What if I'm always the one to initiate repair?”(13:02) Attachment dynamics in conflict(15:10) Why shared purpose in your relationship is essential(17:26) “What if the same trigger keeps coming up?”(19:44) When to seek deeper therapy or examine incomplete repairs(21:10) A call to mutual growth, grace, and staying in the conversationReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Getting To Zero by Jayson GaddisGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
What if one agreement could shift how you move through perceived limitations, everyday stuckness, and painful patterns in your relationship? Krista and Will dive into their relationship agreement, “To Always Find Possibility.” Whether it's health issues, career crossroads, or relational tension, this simple yet powerful commitment has helped them stay connected, creative, and forward-moving—even when things seem hopeless. Tune in for real-life examples, practical insights, and an invitation to transform how you face challenges with your partner.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) The origin of the agreement(02:30) What “always find possibility” means (05:45) Why this agreement applies to every area of life(08:50) Real-life example: Krista's health scare (12:20) Bypassing or real possibility?(14:45) When one partner can't see the way through(17:40) How this agreement affects parenting, career, and decisions(20:55) Why this isn't just toxic positivity(23:45) What to do if your partner doesn't think this way(27:00) How agreements like this turn into anchoring tools during crisis (30:00) Addressing polarization(32:15) The power of staying in the conversation(34:00) An invitation for listenersReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
About the Episode:Addressing passive-aggressive comments like a ninja is highly satisfying. It can stop the aggressor in their shoes and wake them up to the impact they're having. Most passive-aggressive comments are simply unskilled communications of negative feelings. By directly and neutrally addressing passive aggressiveness, we can support each other to grow as human beings. In episode 121 of the Art of We podcast, we get into the nuanced terrain of passive aggressiveness in both personal and professional relationships. Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer discuss its subtle nature and how it can operate under a veneer of politeness, making it challenging to detect and address. They dive into the psychological underpinnings of why individuals resort to such behavior, highlighting the cultural lack of effective tools for expressing negative feelings directly.The hosts share practical strategies, share personal anecdotes, and role-play scenarios to illustrate how to respond to passive aggression in a way that fosters understanding and growth rather than perpetuating a cycle of negativity. They advocate for an approach that involves acknowledging the impact of such comments, expressing one's feelings without aggression, and seeking to understand the underlying needs of the other person.A must listen for:Individuals in leadership positions who deal with other humans :)Partners who have a hard time communicating their needs and wants skillfully People who have a family or community that has a habit of passive-aggressive behaviorAnyone who loves to grow!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Psychology TodayGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate it with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
What if the parts of us we feel most ashamed of—our tender, young, vulnerable selves—were actually the doorway to greater sovereignty and connection in our partnerships? In this deeply personal episode, we share a very real moment from our recent IFS (Internal Family Systems) retreat with Richard Schwartz, where an old, exiled part of me got triggered in a big way. But instead of spiraling into conflict or disconnection, we used our agreements and IFS tools to move through it—together. If you've ever struggled with feeling unseen, insignificant, or overly sensitive in your relationship, this episode is for you.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Fairness in holding space(01:14) Setting the stage: Krista's trigger(03:41) A pattern re-emerges: Feeling invisible(07:47) A call for support(11:04) Stepping into an IFS process together(12:27) Krista's breakthrough: Meeting a 3-year-old exiled part(15:40) From shame to shared understanding(17:34) Witnessing the root together(20:08) Why this moment changed the trigger(20:45) Turning triggers into healing: The power of a supportive partnerReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Internal Family Systems with Richard SchwartzGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
Ever feel like your emotions take over during conflict? What if there was an easier way to navigate tough conversations? In this episode, we dive into Internal Family Systems (IFS)—a powerful approach to understanding the different "parts" of ourselves and how they show up in relationships. We share how this model has transformed our ability to work through triggers, deepen our connection, and show up for each other's growth in a way that fosters security and desire. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) – The power of how we phrase emotions(00:38) – Exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS)(01:20) – How we use IFS in our partnership and why(03:38) – What are “parts” in IFS? (06:27) – Uncovering the hidden parts of ourselves(07:10) – The hero, the critic, and the scared child(08:14) – How trauma shapes our inner system and leads to self-sabotage(10:20) – Why IFS is a game-changer for couples(12:06) – How IFS prevents CO-dependency and strengthens the “we”(14:45) – The importance of shared language in partnerships(15:50) – Conflict repair: Naming our parts de-personalizes triggers(17:07) – How IFS turned a potential rupture into connection(19:04) – Holding each other's parts together vs. rejecting themReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Internal Family Systems with Richard SchwartzNo Bad Parts BookInside Out MovieGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
Does absence REALLY make the heart grow fonder? In this episode, we explore the role of separateness in fueling desire in long-term relationships and uncover the deeper factors that truly spark passion in a thriving partnership. Plus, we share a personal story about how the movie The Substance nearly led to a major rupture between us—but ultimately revealed profound insights about what really creates and sustains desire in our relationship.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Welcome!(00:35) Listener question: Does separateness fuel desire in long-term relationships?(01:40) What actually happens in our experience of being apart?(02:53) The science of why we automate our partners(03:57) How our brains conserve energy and why it affects attraction(05:40) Time apart doesn't always create desire(06:44) The hidden gifts of separateness(07:42) The danger of relying on separateness for passion(08:25) A surprising relationship challenge(09:59) Power dynamics, objectification, and emotional triggers in media(11:22) What actually fuels our desires(14:30) Why deep emotional work can create attraction & intimacy(15:52) The key question: What actually fuels your desire in partnership?(16:30) Turning real connection into lasting attractionReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
In this episode, we dive into over-merging in relationships, exploring the difference between healthy interdependence and codependency. Hear how attachment styles shape connection, balancing differing needs for contact, and prioritizing different needs for contact. We share our personal experiences of the power of co-regulation and how couples can create agreements that support both individuals and the we of their partnership. This episode offers valuable insights and practical tools to help you and your partner thrive.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Over-or-under merging is a path of development(01:20) What is "the We"?(02:44) The effects of over-merging (03:45) Influence of Attachment styles (06:37) Healthy individuation as a key relationship goal(08:47) When a need for contact is covering up a deeper wound(11:00) Taking responsibility for our own wounds (11:34) How supporting each other's healing strengthens the partnership(13:53) Does the We always default to the highest need for contact?(16:43) The power of co-regulation in a relationship(18:24) Developing auto-regulation and self-soothing practices(19:50) Defining your shared purpose as a couple(21:51) The importance of self-awareness (23:06) Final thoughts and listener appreciationReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
In part 2, Bari Tessler shares her framework for Couples Money Dates, how to navigate power imbalances when one partner earns more, financial polarization & hidden money dynamics, the mental & emotional loads of money in partnerships, how to teach kids about money (without passing down shame), somatic tools to shift your relationship with money. If you want more financial intimacy, clarity, and teamwork in your partnership, this one's for you!“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Power, control, and financial conditions in childhood(02:09) Money and power dynamics in relationships(04:28) The first step to financial healing(10:51) Navigating financial inequality in partnerships & gender role expectations(12:01) Mental load, household labor & financial responsibility(15:45) Financial shifts in long-term relationships & life transitions(19:36) Couples Money Dates: The 4 phases for financial intimacy & teamwork(29:23) Releasing shame & continually evolving(30:28) Teaching kids about money(34:33) How to talk to kids about financial privilege(37:24) Turning toward money conversations rather than avoiding themReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Bari Tessler: The Art Of MoneySoul Of Money - L. TwistPrince Charming Isn't Coming - B. StannyFair Play - E. RodskyThe Opposite Of Spoiled - R. Lieber
In this episode, financial therapy pioneer Bari Tessler joins us to explore the deep connections between money, shame, and relationships. Hear how money stories and family lineage shape financial behaviors, why couples often polarize around money, and how the Enneagram can offer insight into financial dynamics. Bari emphasizes the power of financial therapy and somatic practices in healing and empowerment around money. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Money stories and lineage influences(00:23) Intro to Bari Tessler(04:27) Life phases & money decisions(06:07) Navigating income fluctuations(07:36) The power of open financial conversations in couples(08:38) Understanding money shame & its impact(10:52) Why somatic therapy & financial therapy(13:05) Healing shame about money(14:50) Somatic awareness & money conversations(20:52) Money struggles in helping professions(25:48) Family & culture influences on money(27:13) Enneagram types & money(30:39) How money work reveals new insights in partnerships(31:58) Why couples polarize around money(36:05) Identifying financial polarizations in couples(36:38) Introduction to Couples Money Dates for financial alignmentReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Bari Tessler: The Art Of MoneyCouples Therapy on ShowTimeGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
Relationship therapist and couples coach Ellen Boeder joins us to explore the intersection of attachment, power dynamics, and secure functioning in partnerships. We discuss how power imbalances can emerge in relationships, the difference between secure and insecure functioning, and how couples can cultivate true mutuality. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Why secure functioning matters in relationships(03:26) What defines secure vs. insecure relationships? (06:22) How power struggles emerge in insecure relationships(09:37) Three key factors that shape relationship dynamics(13:20) The role of trust, safety, and confidence in a secure partnership(16:29) Why repair is the key to lasting security in relationships(19:12) How resentment builds over time(22:03) How unresolved relationship struggles affect personal growth(26:41) Unspoken power dynamics: How to recognize and address them(30:55) The difference between equity and equality in partnerships(33:11) Why agreements are essential for long-term success(36:04) Building a secure relationship with yourself as a foundation for partnership(38:23) Final thoughts: The power of conscious relationship modelingReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Therapist & Coach Ellen BoederEllen Boeder on SubstackGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
In this episode, we explore how small yet intentional agreements can help heal deep relational wounds and foster secure, connected partnerships. We share our personal experiences with one of our core relationship agreements and how it has transformed our injuries from the past. Through this lens, we invite listeners to reflect on your own insecurities and explore how agreements can be a powerful tool for healing, trust, and deeper intimacy.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Introduction: How small agreements can heal deep relational wounds(02:23) The power of secure functioning: Why this agreement matters(03:39) Will's experience: Healing past wounds through loving “hellos”(06:23) The importance of eye contact and intentional connection when reuniting(06:53) Krista's experience: The impact of past loss and saying “goodbye with care”(08:29) How practicing intentional goodbyes builds trust and security(09:36) Where do insecurities show up in your relationship? A reflection for listeners(10:42) Identifying personal wounds and creating agreements to heal them(12:58) Balancing personal preferences and mutual care in a partnership(14:51) Final reflections: The impact of small actions on long-term intimacy(15:21) Closing thoughts: Inviting listeners to explore new agreementsReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
In this episode, Krista and Will Van Derveer dive into the power of relational agreements and how they help couples navigate cultural conditioning, power dynamics, and historical wounds. They share their personal journey of creating a partnership built on mutuality and responsibility—key ingredients for a thriving, purpose-driven relationship. Tune in for insights on how agreements can foster growth, repair, and deeper connection in your own relationship.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Introduction: Why mutuality and cultural conditioning matter in relationships(02:15) The origin of their relational agreements and how they became wedding vows(06:45) Why agreements are essential for navigating challenges and preventing resentment(09:30) Overcoming gendered conditioning: Housework, emotional labor, and sharing responsibility(14:20) Personal reflections: How past wounds shape relational dynamics(18:45) The power of speaking up: Creating a safe space for emotional expression(22:15) How agreements help rewrite the stories we carry from past relationships(26:40) Practical steps: How to start creating mutual agreements with your partner(30:20) Conversation prompts: How to surface unspoken dynamics and unmet needs(35:00) Final thoughts: The importance of evolving agreements as relationships growReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
In this heartfelt episode, we explore the delicate dynamics of sexual approaches in relationships, diving into how cultural conditioning, gender roles, and personal trauma can create friction. We share our own challenges, uncovering misunderstandings and the steps we're taking to heal and grow. If you've faced similar struggles or want to deepen your intimacy, this episode offers relatable insights and practical tools to foster safety, connection, and collaboration.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Setting the stage for an intimate and important conversation(01:58) Exploring gender dynamics & cultural conditioning in sexual approaches(03:53) Discrepancy in sexual agency: Social & cultural patterns that prioritize male desire(07:18) Past trauma and its influence on intimacy(11:48) Animalistic side of male sexuality and its cultural roots(16:07) How trauma triggers show up in sexual approaches(23:54) Tools for creating safety: Collaborating to build trust and openness in intimacy(24:56) Scheduled intimacy vs. spontaneity(28:32) Reflective questions for listeners to explore in their own relationship(29:30) The importance of slowing down and co-creating safety in relationshipsReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 94: How To Prioritize Your Sex LifeGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
In this episode, Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer announce a new series focusing on creating equitable partnerships. They discuss taking a brief break until mid-January 2025 and announce updated "Top 10 Agreements" available on their website. The episode emphasizes their commitment to exploring power dynamics, fairness, and mutual success in relationships, particularly from their perspective as a heterosexual couple. They share questions for the listeners to reflect on regarding equity in their own relationships during the holiday break.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(0:00) - The importance of conscious conversations about equity in partnerships(3:11) - Will discusses the historical context of power dynamics in relationships and their commitment to fairness(4:19) - Why chose to pursue an equitable partnership despite social norms(5:24) - Podcast break explanation and plans to return mid-January 2025(7:21) - Reflection questions for listeners about equity in their relationships(8:43) - The importance of honest self-reflection in partnerships(10:05) - Discussion of year-end review and goal assessment(10:47) - Closing remarks and holiday wishesReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
In this unique and candid episode, Will is interviewed by Krista about the inner workings of relationship and his personal journey toward creating a thriving partnership. Through spontaneous questions and random sentence stems, Will shares vulnerably about navigating challenges – from bathroom counter disputes to deeper questions of maintaining connection – and offers practical wisdom for anyone seeking to build a more conscious and fulfilling relationship. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(0:00) Opening reflection on how people make meaningful changes in relationships (3:22) Will shares his journey from feeling alone in previous partnerships to discovering the possibility of healthy interdependence (6:24) Discussion of how to handle daily conflicts while maintaining connection (12:06) Practical advice for developing better listening skills and emotional range in relationships (15:10) Will reveals what initially attracted him to Krista beyond physical attraction - depth and generous connection (20:02) Vulnerable exploration of relationship challenges, including managing contact and connection (23:01) Closing thoughts on empathy and understanding others' perspectives as key to better relationshipsReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
Are you an ambitious, growth-oriented person who finds yourself stuck in frustrating relationship patterns? In this episode of The Art of We podcast, we explore how positive thinking—usually an asset for high achievers—can actually become a relationship blind spot. Learn how to distinguish between healthy optimism and "false positivity" that keeps you invested in misaligned partnerships or painful relationship patterns, and discover practical ways to create the deeply fulfilling relationship you truly desire.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer & Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Warning signs of false positivity: Recognizing cycles of hope & hopelessness in relationships(01:25) The achievement trap: “Fixing" relationship problems solo instead of addressing them with partners(03:58) The hidden costs of conflict avoidance: Self-development as an excuse to avoid necessary relationship conversations(11:18) Actions vs. words: Pay attention to your partner's behavior, not their promises(14:22) The maturity factor: Moving from hope/despair cycles to grounded conversations about relationship goals(17:14) Essential self-reflection questions: Are you using positivity to mask relationship misalignment?(20:06) The power of outside perspective: Trusted friends are crucial for seeing relationship patterns clearlyReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from you!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
Join us as we dive deep into sacred sexuality with sex coach Amanda Testa, sharing our own journey of conscious intimacy alongside practical guidance for healing sexual trauma and embracing authentic pleasure. Whether single or partnered, discover how trauma-informed tantric practices can transform relationships and create more personal and interpersonal wholeness by breaking free from cultural conditioning and performative behaviors. From male performance anxiety to embodiment practices, we openly explore the challenges and breakthroughs in creating safe, conscious sexual experiences that honor both partners' wholeness.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer & Dr. Will Van Derveer(0:00) Episode overview (2:18) From Debutante to Sex Coach: Unlearning cultural conditioning (4:26) Breaking free from people-pleasing patterns (7:16) Sacred Sexuality vs Tantric practices (13:46) Emotional safety in sacred sexuality (16:05) Addressing common misconceptions(21:51) Working through trauma blocks before accessing pleasure (28:05) Cultural messaging around sexuality(34:39) Bringing wholeness & authenticity to intimacy(40:27) Trauma-informed approaches to sexual healing (44:44) Redefining male performance and erectile health (47:35) Closing thoughts & resourcesReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements www.amandatesta.comPodcast: www.amandatesta.com/podcast/Free Gift: www.amandatesta.com/thegoods/Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
In this heartfelt episode, we tackle a challenging topic facing relationships at this moment: how to keep our hearts open when political differences threaten to pull us apart. With the presidential election heightening tensions in many families in the US, we share our own journey of learning to have these difficult conversations, acknowledging the very real pain and fear that can arise when we feel fundamentally misunderstood by those closest to us.Drawing from our experience, we offer a compassionate framework that emphasizes connection over conversion. Through practical examples and vulnerable sharing, we demonstrate how curiosity about each other's experiences can create bridges of understanding, reminding us that beneath our political identities, we're all seeking connection, understanding, and a sense of safety in an uncertain world.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) The Challenge of Political Divides in Relationships(03:12) Understanding Our Conversation Goals(07:49) The Power of Underground Dialogue: the possibility of connection across divides.(12:44) The Role of Curiosity vs. Agenda(15:07) Moving Beyond "Having the Answer"(17:58) Leading with Vulnerability(20:27) Using Relationship Agreements for successReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Basement Talks Film (AKA The Abortion Talks Documentary)Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
We dive deep into the art of giving feedback in relationships. We explore how to address habits or behaviors that may cause frustration while keeping love, respect, and collaboration at the forefront. Using a real-life example, we share a step-by-step approach for delivering feedback in a way that nurtures growth, creates alignment, and fosters a deeper connection. If you're ready to elevate how you and your partner handle tough conversations, this episode is for you!“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Introduction and Common Misconceptions About Conflict(00:18) How to Start a Conversation on Negative Impact(01:36) The Importance of Feedback in Healthy Relationships(03:15) Modeling a Real Feedback Conversation(04:51) Asking for Permission and Setting Context(06:54) Sharing the Facts and Checking for Alignment(09:59) Exploring Different Learning and Communication Styles(13:43) Impact of Inconsistent Follow-Through and Agreements(19:10) Finding What "We" Need in a Partnership(27:00) Embracing Conflict as an Opportunity for GrowthReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements E104: How To Start A Conversation About Negative ImpactGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.
If you want thriving relationships, having the harder conversations is a MUST! In this episode, Krista gives examples on how to skillfully start a conversation when either you've been negatively impacted, or you think you may have left a negative impact. Cleaning these impacts up are critical to the health of any relationship, and of course most importantly with the relationships that mean the most to you. This episode is part 1 of 2, where next week we will share how to skillfully give feedback, especially the kind that is hard to give and receive!“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) The importance of addressing negative impacts in relationship(03:26) Effective communication tips to keep relationships clean and clear and in tip top relational health(04:20) Examples of how to start conversations when you think you may have left a negative impact on someone, or a misunderstanding(10:07) The importance of asking for consent before entering a sensitive conversation to avoid defensiveness.(10:20) Examples of how to start a conversation when you've been negatively impacted. (14:55) The importance of not avoiding these conversations, and part 2 on how to give feedback is coming next week!Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Krista and Will dive into the delicate dance of making decisions together when you and your partner aren't on the same page. From the lighthearted story of their mug collection clash to the bigger conversations about significant decisions, they explore how they've navigated differences without sacrificing connection. Compromise is not the solution – but creating a win/win is. Listen in for practical insights, light humor, and actionable steps to turn moments of tension into opportunities for deeper partnership.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) Welcome!(00:30) The importance of full alignment before making a decision in a partnership(1:08) Navigating moments when you're not on the same page(2:20) How even small decisions can symbolize deeper relational dynamics(4:07) How our upbringings shape our preferences(5:25) The shift from “me vs. you” to a “we” mindset in decision-making(6:50) Will & Krista's challenging decisions(9:00) Understanding underlying fears can help you move toward alignment(12:38) The power of setting clear agreements to support decisions (14:12) Conflict isn't bad, it's an opportunity to strengthen(23:15) Slowing down to make decisions together can lead to faster, stronger alignment in the long runReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 68: Navigating Fights About Driving StylesGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.
A candid discussion about alcohol's role in relationships, including an honest conversation about how casual drinking habits subtly impact our intimacy, connection, and overall relationship satisfaction. We offer practical strategies for creating conscious conversations around alcohol and making healthier choices as a couple. Whether you're curious about moderating your drinking habits or seeking a more mindful partnership, this episode provides valuable tools and fresh perspectives.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer(00:00) The importance of explicit conversations in relationships (00:30) Exploring alcohol use in relationships & its impacts (01:59) Alcohol consumption & its impact on presence in a partnership (03:35) Stress, work, & alcohol: Unconscious coping mechanisms in relationships (06:16) Exploring alternatives: Non-alcoholic mocktails & couple rituals for connection (07:43) How mindful practices and connection exercises can replace unhealthy habits (10:00) Recent research on alcohol's health impacts & what it means for your relationship (14:32) Approaching sensitive conversations about alcohol with your partner (18:15) Navigating shared bad habits & creating conscious decisions together (21:39) The power of explicit conversations for a thriving partnership Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 93: Game Changing Connection ExerciseGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Krista and Will dive into a relatable moment that many of us have experienced—how a seemingly small disagreement can ignite big emotions. They unpack their own recent "dry cleaning incident" and share the raw and vulnerable details of what it triggered for each of them and how they repaired the rupture. You'll learn how to navigate those frustrating ruptures in your relationship and transform them into moments of growth. This episode is packed with practical tools on how to communicate better, repair conflicts, and move from "I" to "We" in your partnership.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:00) The Dry Cleaning Incident: What Happened(00:30) Embracing Relationship Ruptures as Growth Opportunities(01:00) The Importance of Vulnerability in Conflict(03:00) How Small Triggers Lead to Big Reactions(04:30) The Role of Unspoken Expectations(06:00) Moving from “I” to “We” in Relationships(08:30) The Power of Repairing Conflicts(10:30) Assuming Positive Intent in Your Partner(12:00) Understanding Each Other's Wounds & Past Trauma In Relationships (14:30) Communicating Your Emotional State Effectively(16:00) The Importance of Regular Relationship Check-insReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 99: Dr. Jill Carnahan & Aaron Carnahan Post-DivorceGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Managing money as a couple doesn't have to be a battle! In fact, it can be one of the most empowering & “mutually equitable” ways to grow together. This episode has insights on how to tackle tricky money conversations, turn financial stress into financial success, create money agreements & build a partnership where both of you feel valued & supported. Tune in, because leveling up your relationship starts with mastering your money game!“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:00) - How financial systems can support or undermine a partnership(02:59) - Addressing inequity & power dynamics in couples' finances(05:46) - How couples navigate combining finances & prenuptial agreements(07:40) - Impact of income disparity on power dynamics in a relationship(10:53) - Building a financial structure in relationships that supports long-term goals(13:32) - The pitfalls of "tit-for-tat" financial systems vs joint finances(16:16) - The importance of joint financial responsibility and co-investing in each other(18:42) - Balancing different income levels and contributions in a partnership (19:27) - Shifting from "me" to "we" in financial decision-making(21:07) - Addressing gaps in financial ambition between partners & finding alignment in financial goalsReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.
How do I maintain a healthy relationship with my ex after divorce? How do I forgive my ex after a difficult divorce? Listen in to hear Dr. Jill Carnahan and Aaron Carnahan's inspiring story of how they have created a harmonious and healthy relationship after a painful divorce. You'll hear how to have a healthy relationship with an ex after divorce with the right tools, perspectives and mindsets. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:00) - Intro to Dr. Jill Carnahan & Aaron Carnahan(00:39) - How to create a harmonious relationship after divorce by embracing emotional healing and growth after divorce(03:21) - Rebuilding trust with an ex after divorce(04:44) - Navigating conflict & avoiding emotional pain in relationships(05:55) - Addressing unresolved trauma (09:02) - Learning how to express needs effectively with your ex(14:08) - Why conflict can lead to deeper understanding(21:35) - Transforming heartbreak into a positive, supportive friendship post-divorce.(25:16) - Maintaining communication & vulnerability post separation(30:25) - Overcoming trauma & emotional barriers to heal and grow(45:04) - Letting go of bitterness & resentment to form a strong, healthy post-divorce relationship.Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Doctor/Patient Documentary with Dr. Jill Carnahan & Aaron CarnahanDr. Jill Carnahan and InstagramAaron Carnahan - “Iris Global Health Film Festival”Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.
We cover a LOT in this one! Including: Creating a Safe Space for Sexual Conversations, Navigating Sensitive Sexual Conversations, Tips for Talking About Sex, Addressing Suppressed Desires and Fantasies, Getting Stuck in Sexual Routines, The Role of Sexuality in Relationships, Stages of Sexual Development, and more. Fostering an environment of trust and security using relationship agreements so partners can work through vulnerable topics without fear of disconnection.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:00) - Creating safety and security in relationships(01:56) - Addressing fears stemming from “how do I talk to my partner about sex?”(02:36) - Handling feelings of being less attracted or desiring more intimacy(04:53) - Keys to prevent conflict escalation(06:42) - Our relationship agreement that supports us to stay in difficult conversations(11:53) - Stages of sexual development and self-awareness(15:00) - Receiving sexual feedback from a partner without defensiveness(17:51) - Framing requests for change in intimacy with positivity(19:49) - Discussing vulnerable sexual fantasies with a partner(22:41) - Getting stuck in sexual ruts or routines(33:11) - Using relationship agreements to foster secure functioning in partnershipsReach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements E92: Same Argument Over & Over? Here's What To DoGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.
Is there an issue from the past that keeps coming up? Or an ongoing conflict that can't seem to get resolved? In this episode we explore effective approaches for couples seeking to resolve long standing issues and conflicts that resurface over time. We share our advice to a couple who is struggling with an incident that happened over 20 years ago, and also share an example of where we personally got stuck in our own marriage, related to our wedding date, and how we finally came to clarity.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:00) - Finding shared desire in resolving ongoing conflicts(04:11) - Exploring deeper, unspoken issues in repetitive arguments(05:18) - The role of trauma therapy in resolving unresolved emotional conflicts(07:00) - Explicit agreements in resolving recurring issues(08:53) - Real-life example to illustrate conflict resolution strategies(11:02) - Understanding your partner's unspoken feelings(14:41) - Commitment to 'abundant repair' after conflicts for deeper connection(17:45) - Listening generously and validating your partner's feelings(19:53) - Fully understanding and addressing recurring issues Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements E92: Same Argument Over & Over? Here's What To DoAbout EMDR for traumaDick Schwartz and Parts WorkGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.
Do one of you like your home clean and organized but the other could care less? Does the majority of household clean up fall on one of you, while the other is mostly contributing to the mess? If you and your partner have conflicts around differences in cleanliness standards at home, this episode is for you! We share our own struggles in this area and what we've done to become more aligned in keeping a household environment that feels good to both of us. We offer insights to help couples navigate and resolve conflicts over cleanliness and organization in their shared living spaces.“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:28) - Couple's misalignments in household cleanliness and organization(03:47) - Gender roles and cultural Influences for household work(06:23) - Dealing with different cleaning habits in a relationship(07:47) - The pain of subordination and built up resentments (10:26) - Finding middle ground as a couple (12:12) - How to communicate with your partner about cleanliness(17:10 - How to align on cleanliness standards in a relationship(20:22) - Staying Connected as a TeamFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.
Have you ever wondered how to create a partnership that's a vehicle for your greatest potential? Or struggled to create a partnership that can grow beyond the sum parts of the traumas, challenges or wounds that you and your partner bring into the relationship? In this episode Krista and Will share how they are using their relationship to explicitly bring one another into greater sovereignty, wholeness and capacity to reach each of their potentials. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:00) - The Struggle with Authentic Self-Expression And Historical Traumas or Limiting Beliefs(00:35) - Unlocking Fullest Personal Expression Through Conscious Partnership(03:13) - Mindset off Co-Responsibility in Relationship Growth and Development (06:45) - The Importance of True Collaboration and Win-Win Relationships in Partnerships(11:34) - Standing for the Right Kind of Mutual Relationship(15:55) - The Impact of Past Experiences on Self-Actualization in Relationships(24:13) - The Difference and Power of Standing For Something vs Against SomethingFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 91: Great Relationship But No Chemistry?Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.
Is your sex life taking a back seat due to a busy schedule? Tune in to discover how and why to prioritize physical intimacy, with our personal tips and tricks to keep it at the top of your to-do list. We'll also share the psychological, physical, and emotional benefits of prioritizing your sex life, especially for mission-driven couples. Plus, hear about our relationship agreement that keeps us on track!“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:00) - Prioritizing your sex life & defining “sex life”(02:04) - The key mindset for success for regular physical intimacy(03:49) - Our relationship agreement about our sexuality (05:21) - Psychological and physiological effects of lacking physical intimacy(09:17) - The correlation between orgasm, creativity, and cognitive capacity(15:09) - How to prioritize sex life for busy couples(16:38) - Importance of prioritizing sex life for a mission-driven relationship(18:53) - Aligning with your partner(23:49) - The impact of attachment styles on sexual intimacy(25:28) - Scheduling as a tool to manage life phases and hormonal differences(27:24) - Importance of understanding and addressing different needs within a relationship(29:22) - Addressing concerns when a partner doesn't prioritize sex lifeFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 91: Great Relationship But No Chemistry?Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.
Do you crave a deeper connection with your partner but don't know how in the face of super busy lives and schedules? Listen in to hear about a transformative daily connection exercise that has significantly deepened our connection in the face of crazy-busy lives. By prioritizing emotional intimacy and mindful listening, we've found this short but consistent practice minimizes conflicts and strengthens bonds. Discover how to bring more depth and connection into your relationship with this practical, heartfelt tool. Tune in to learn the steps and experience the profound impact it can have on your partnership. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.(00:24) - How deeper connection in relationships creates less conflict(01:36) - Our daily connection exercise that's been a game changer for us(03:09) - Rules of engagement for the couples exercise(04:28) - What to avoid during the relationship exercise(05:45) - Benefits of the connection exercise on relationship dynamics(06:30) - Practicing presence and mindfulness as a listener(08:08) - Prompts to help with deeper sharing in relationships(10:18) - Reflection and gratitude after sharing for relationship improvement(11:29) - Switching roles and completing the relationship exercise(13:33) - How the connection exercise has specifically improved our relationship(18:07) - Using morning pages for deeper self-connection(19:40) - Somatic benefits of the couples connection exerciseFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Resources Mentioned: Download this connection exercise here!Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Ep8 “Top Shelf Listening + Our Edgy Example”Dick Schwartz and IFSMarie ForleoThe Artist's WayGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts,
Do you and your partner have the same frustrating argument over and over? Or you can't figure out why the same darn issue keeps coming up and you can't seem to resolve it? We know all about that! Today we share how we woke up to the root cause of the ongoing argument that helped us resolve the issue, instead of just putting bandaids on it. Listen in to hear key mindsets and actionable steps you can apply to help resolve those painful arguments. (00:00) - Discussing key elements to navigate repetitive arguments in relationships(01:22) - A key mindset that will shift you from stress to opportunity(04:05) - Our personal example of a recurring argument and pivotal moments leading to an emotional and honest discussion(14:42) - Three approaches you can apply to address recurring arguments in a relationshipFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 2: Our agreement about abundant repairDick Schwartz and IFSGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
Do you have a great relationship but it's lacking chemistry? In this episode we suggest five unique areas to explore if your partnership is lacking the sparkle it used to have. We also share our relationship agreement that's the secret to keeping our relationship chemistry and intimacy in tip top shape!(00:00) - Introduction to navigating relationships that are healthy but lack chemistry(01:49) - Our personal relationship agreement that generates chemistry in our partnership (02:33) - Importance of Generativity / Our Brain's Tendency to Automate Our Partners(04:43) - The Need For Effort and Intentionality in Long-term Relationships(07:30) - Common Patterns in Long-Term Relationships Leading To Lack of Chemistry(08:37) - Importance of Prioritizing Intimacy(10:34) - Investigating Interpersonal Issues Causing Lack of Relationship Chemistry(13:02) - Importance of Showing Up For Your “We” Regardless of Chemistry Feelings(15:03) - Exploring Root Causes Affecting Desire and Chemistry(17:32) - Impact of Pornography(18:13) - Physical Attraction Challenges(19:47) - Hormonal Factors(21:48) - How To Have Conversations About Attraction and Intimacy(24:25) - Seeking Couples Support When NeededFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Al-Anon: Resource for partnersGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
Giving ultimatums in relationships is a serious, but sometimes necessary, decision. In this episode we explore the circumstances under which an ultimatum might be the right move, how to thoughtfully prepare for delivering one, and the importance of being clear and committed when standing up for your needs. Dr. Will shares his personal experience of giving an ultimatum in his first marriage and the transformative journey that followed. The discussion highlights the balance between supporting a partner's success and ensuring your own needs are met.00:00 - Introduction to ultimatums in relationships02:32 - Identifying when to consider an ultimatum04:25 - Examples of when an ultimatum might be necessary05:34 - Being for each other's success07:30 - Dr. Will's personal story of giving an ultimatum13:53 - Steps to prepare for giving an ultimatum18:56 - The importance of being willing to follow through19:39 - Planning the best scenario for delivering the ultimatum20:18 - Getting clear about what the ultimatum specifically entails23:48 - Setting a timeframe for the ultimatum26:11 - Approaching the conversation with your partner29:32 - Final thoughts and encouragementFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Al-Anon: Resource for partnersGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
Impulsively threatening the relationship when we get triggered, angry, or unable to work through repeating relationship conflicts is an ineffective way of attempting to get our partner to change. It creates insecurity, dysregulation and fear, rather than creating the feelings of safety and security that's needed to work through difficult relationship challenges together. Today we discuss the importance of taking more skilled self responsibility in relationships, particularly when it comes to making threats or issuing ultimatums, including effective communication, mutual understanding, and adult behavior in addressing conflicts. In this episode we offer healthier and more constructive alternatives to addressing conflict and ideas on how to deal with a partner who keeps impulsively threatening the relationship. (00:00) Introduction and definition of threatening the partnership(02:16) Impact of threats on conversations and relationships(04:28) Importance of creating safety rather than triggering threat responses(06:39) Personal example of threatening language and its impact(15:00) Importance of showing up as an adult during conflicts(17:19) Advice for those who frequently threaten relationships(19:35) Taking responsibility and protecting each other in relationships(22:22) Closing thoughts on working through connection issues togetherFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Stan Tatkin - The PACT InstituteGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
How can you bring your vulnerability in a way that brings your partner closer to you? What is "masculine vulnerability"? In episode 88 of The Art of We podcast we dive into this topic, bringing smart relationship advice and best relationship practices for couples who want a successful partnership. We share our definition of masculine vulnerability and effective strategies for bringing more vulnerability for the purposes of building a lasting and extraordinary partnership together.(00:00) The intersection of masculinity and vulnerability and definition of terms. (04:21) Cultural & historical perspectives on masculinity (06:38) Example of hosts bringing “agentic” vulnerability to one another(08:28) Highlighting the progress in recognizing and addressing internal signals of vulnerability(09:59) Practicing self-responsible vulnerability and checking interpretations(11:02) Navigating relationship challenges from vulnerable conversations(13:58) The difference between vulnerability and disguising hidden agendas(16:01) Encouraging authentic and responsible communication in expressing vulnerability(19:15) Navigating triggers and activations when partners share vulnerably(21:43) Recognizing and addressing learned behaviors from past experiences(24:01) Invitation for listeners to have open conversations with partnersFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Collaborative Way and Lloyd FickettGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
As mission-based people, it's culturally acceptable to constantly be tethered to our phones, but what happens when being at the beck and call of our business gets in the way of authentic and deep connection? In this episode, we explore the impact that technology overuse has on our relationship and work on crafting a new agreement about using our phones after working hours. Since starting the Integrative Psychiatry Institute in 2018, we've largely been in startup mode. Now that the team is built out and there's more operational support, it's not solely on Will to put out fires anymore. But, shifting out of the habit of picking up the phone for every ping and ding hasn't come naturally. In our conversation, we unpack the effects of unconscious phone usage and how it touches on our childhood wounding. We workshop ways that we can come to an understanding, rather than operate from a place of fear or insecurity. We also look at ways that having boundaries around technology can create more sovereignty over our attention and energy. Our invitation this week is to work with your partner to understand why there's something interfering with your connection, technology or otherwise, and discuss the impact it has on your relationship. With that foundation, it's easier to collaborate on a win-win solution. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Topics Covered:Becoming more conscious of what we spend our time on, particularly outside the office Learning how to express the need for contact and attention Experimenting with an agreement about how we use technology in the evening Ways that social media might be covering up a lack of authentic connection How we can experience more freedom by practicing constraint Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We Weekly NewsletterGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
Krista Van Derveer shares her journey of being single and looking for a partnership before she met Will. You'll hear her unique approach on finding love after loss, preparing for a new relationship, navigating the dating world, and her secret relationship practices that helped her weed out incompatible partners to find a partner (Will!) that had similar relationship goals and also stood for an extraordinary kind of long-term relationship. If you're single and looking for a relationship or you want to elevate your current relationship, this episode is for you!00:00 - Unique approaches to calling in a partner01:40 - Discussion on the concept of calling in "the one"04:23 - Krista's relationship journey before meeting Will06:33 - Reclaiming desire after loss08:30 - Talking a stand for the type of relationship we really want10:02 - Does it really help to list qualities desired in a partner?12:18 - Secret practices and orientations for finding the right partner14:10 - Dating advice for those currently vetting potential partners16:32 - Importance of authenticity and speaking straight20:23 - Early dating experiences and assessing potential partners27:12 - Growth and discomfort in long-term partnerships31:17 - Overcoming superficial judgments in choosing a partner32:24 - The importance of honest feedback in relationshipsFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Collaborative Way and Lloyd FickettGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
Will shares his journey of waking up on his 40th birthday realizing he didn't have the kind of relationship he really wanted, and what he uniquely did to eventually call-in his next partner (Krista!) and co-create the kind of partnership they have today. Whether you're single and searching or looking to elevate your current relationship, this episode offers valuable insights and useful advice.Topics Covered:Getting Honest: Will's 40th birthday epiphany about wanting a secure-functioning, interdependent relationship.Defining Your Ideal Relationship: Will shares how he clarified and envisioned the specific kind of partnership he wanted.Doing Inner Work: The unique process Will underwent to be ready for a new kind of partnership.Practical Wisdom: Learn about the essential steps Will took, from leaving a long-term marriage to defining a new relationship model with a "mandala" of qualities he desired.Overcoming Challenges: Moving beyond our limiting beliefs.Categories: Dating Advice; Leaving Your Relationship; Calling In The One; Marriage Advice; Relationship Advice, Personal Growth; Divorce AdviceListen now and continue your journey towards the partnership you deserve! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*** - Mark MansonNo More Mr. Nice Guy - Dr. Robert GloverPACT Couples TherapyGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute:...
Within our web of vows that help us maintain what we believe is possible in our relationship, gambling everything for the love we want is at the center. In this episode, we unpack what that means for us and how we work to bring forth every aspect of ourselves, even in challenging or uncomfortable conversations. Unless we take a real stand for the kind of relationship we desire, and then be willing to put everything on the table to give our relationship a chance to live into that stand, we are going to compromise or settle in an unfulfilling partnership.Although we have a deep commitment to addressing ruptures and impact, we're not immune to misunderstandings. There's a level of consciousness inside our relationship where we can recognize the filters that we have for each other. These assumptions and automations not only limit the possibility for deeper connections, and they also have the potential to intensify resentments and wounds. We share five practices that help us to lay our vulnerability on the table and work through tension. In our conversation, we break down what these five tools are and how they can help you and your partner co-create solutions. Join us as we look at these techniques in action and discuss ways to approach edgy topics within your relationship. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Topics Covered:Why we don't agree with the concept of ‘choosing your battles' Noticing when make assumptions about your partner and where those beliefs come from Having safeguards in place to deal with the consequences of addressing an uncomfortable reality that exists in your relationship Honoring the voice that signals your needs aren't being met Developing a willingness to to receive feedback and see it as an opportunity for growth Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We Weekly NewsletterGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer discuss why loving a partner exactly the way they are may not be compatible with growth and support in a relationship. They argue that unconditional love can become a cop-out for not truly supporting one another to step into their greatest potential, and that growth as a couple requires the willingness to acknowledge and address blind spots together. Listen in to hear about:The importance of challenging each other to grow and expandWhere couples get stuck in their partnershipCreating the context in relationship to support each other to see blind spotsExamples of how to approach one another with a challengeCommunication skills for healthy relationshipsTaking on the role of holding our partners to live into their greatest expressionResources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Bessel Van Der KolkEpisode on Navigating Introvert-Extrovert PartnershipGet in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Join us as we explore Oprah's '110 Relationship-Boosting Questions for Couples,' asking each other spontaneous questions that not only led to unexpected insights for us as a couple but also highlighted areas where we need to gain deeper clarity in our intimate partnership.We get into topics such as:Is there such a thing as a “harmless” lie?How organized glasses in cupboards helps our relationshipLearning to speak more straight and maintain positive impactVampires vs werewolvesDoes commitment lead to more or less freedom?This relationship podcast episode with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer has questions for couples to explore around relationship challenges, couples communication and relationship growth as a couple. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Jayson Gaddis InstagramOprah's List of Questions for CouplesGet in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Today we have a special guest to talk about navigating the turbulent waters of heartbreak & betrayals, & the power of grief as a portal for healing & transformation. Sara Avant Stover just came out with her third book “Handbook for the Heartbroken.” We talk about her very personal & vulnerable journey from devastation to rebirth. This conversation is a beacon for anyone wanting to heal & transform from heartbreak. Listen in for an intimate look into:Sara's serial heartbreaks across all facets of her life Learning her former fiance was living a duplicitous lifeThe journey of overcoming heartbreaks & transforming from griefThe power of internal family systems (IFS) in addressing deep-seated woundsPractical advice on moving from devastation to rebirth, featuring potent learnings, rituals, & practices that aid in emotional and spiritual recovery.This episode is not just a dialogue; it's an invitation to understand the transformative potential of grief & the journey towards becoming the person you are meant to be. Whether you're dealing with a fresh wound or an old scar, Sara's story & Krista's parallel grief journey offer a pathway to healing and hope. Join us as we explore how to turn heartbreak into a foundation for profound personal growth & renewal.Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Sara's new book “Handbook for the Heartbroken”Sara's IG accountSara's podcast “Her Self”Krista on Sara's podcast in 2017Episodes 78 & 79 on Duplicitous LivesIFS Richard SchwartzGet in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode...
Do you ever get stuck arguing a TON? Or “processing” issues all the time as a couple? If so, this episode is for you! Listen in for strategies to break the cycle of conflict, hear Krista and Will's personal experiences, and learn practical tools and techniques to disrupt the arguing and to foster better communication and understanding.[0:00] - Conflict “quality” in relationships[0:55] - Hosts personal experiences[1:07] - Pain points in conflicts and advanced communication skills[6:12] - Relationship agreements for successful outcomes[7:23] - Strategies for dealing with emotional hijacking[10:28] - ‘Witnessing awareness' & its role in managing emotional responses[14:10] - Practical relationship agreements to aid in conflict resolution[19:12] - Techniques for co-regulation without conversation[22:15] - Exploring "smart requests" to improve clarity and effectiveness in communication[28:03] - Emphasizing the co-creation of ruptures & a growth mindset in relationshipsKey Discussion PointsHow the quality of your conflict determines the quality of your partnership Techniques like couples therapy, somatic psychotherapy, & psychedelics to navigate through trauma in relationshipsImportance of relational agreements in maintaining a secure partnershipStrategies for self-regulation & co-regulation during intense emotional statesUsing 'smart requests' and pre-emptive understanding of each partner's emotional needsThe value of a growth-oriented mindset in approaching relationship challenges.Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements IFS Richard SchwartzInside Out Movie“SMART Goals”Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts,
In Part 2/2 of this series, we dive into the shadows cast by public figures accused of leading double lives, including the likes of "Dr. Death" Paulo Macchiarini and podcaster Andrew Huberman. This episode unpacks the intricate dance of deceit and the personal ramifications of their alleged duplicity.In this episode, we explore:Our immediate reactions and predictions following recent revelations about Andrew Huberman's personal affairsThe often unrealistic standards of perfection imposed on public figuresOur collective human curiosity about the private lives of celebritiesThe debate over the level of responsibility public figures should bearThe balance between respecting privacy and demanding transparency from those in the spotlightThe human propensity to idolize, then harshly criticize, public figuresThis conversation not only probes the complexities of fame and accountability but also challenges listeners to examine their own views and biases. If you're fascinated by the ethical quandaries and psychological intricacies of celebrity culture, this episode offers an interesting and captivating discussion that will continue long after you've listened.Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Relationship School Podcast with Jayson GaddisElise Loehnen “On Our Best Behavior”“Dr. Death” Series on PeacockNY Mag article “Andrew Huberman's Mechanisms of Control”Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the...
Inspired by people publicly accused of living duplicitous lives, such as "Dr. Death" Paulo Macchiarini, podcaster Andrew Huberman, & Bill Clinton, we dive into the complex dynamics of individuals who excel in their public personas but struggle with personal integrity in their private lives, specifically in intimate partnership. We share our personal thoughts & discuss the psychological aspects & real-life relational consequences of such disparities.[0:00] Duplicitous personalities of public figures[2:28] Social & relational implications[5:54] Complexities of deceitful relationships[7:10] Psychological impacts & public perceptions[9:11] Our personal reflections & experiences[10:47] Narcissism, sociopathy & lack of empathy [13:19] Individuals & victims involved in deceitful narratives[15:00] Moral implications & motivations behind duplicitous lifestyles[19:30] Societal fascination & considerations of involving oneself in public figures' private livesListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements “Dr. Death” Series on PeacockNY Mag article “Andrew Huberman's Mechanisms of Control”“The Clinton Affair” Documentary Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app...
To sleep or not to sleep together? Celebrity couples like Cameron Diaz, and supposedly the Beckhams, are coming out about sleeping in separate bedrooms. On this episode of “The Art of We” we share our take on the benefits and drawbacks of both scenarios, and address the narrative that there's something wrong in the relationship if couples are sleeping separately.Given the importance of sleep for our health, wellbeing, and capacity to connect with others, we take sleep very seriously over here in the Van Derveer household. You'll hear how we've navigated our sleeping arrangements in unique ways that have mostly kept us in the same room, but with a few brilliant twists to ensure the best sleep possible. We explore different impacts from sleeping together and separately, from energetic, biological, scientific and personal preference angles. We also share our sleeping tricks for when we travel together to ensure the best sleep, and how different seasons of our lives have required different sleeping arrangements. Lastly, we encourage a real attempt at understanding our partner's challenges when they are not sleeping well, versus simply assuming that something isn't right in the partnership. A must listen for:Contemplating the right sleeping set up for you and your partnerA deeper investigation the the impacts of sleeping choicesLearning unique tips and tricks to ensure better sleep for both partnersUnderstanding how our nervous systems can impact each other's sleepListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Heartmath Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
This definition of the “We” elevates partnership beyond the conventional. Listen in to hear a conversation between us, Krista and Dr. Will, that frames how we view our relationship such that we more quickly can make decisions, work as a team, and operate at higher levels of functioning. In episode 76 we revisit a fundamental concept of “The Art Of We.” You'll hear personal anecdotes and professional insights to illustrate the power of embracing the 'We' in relationships. We dive into the creation of a third entity (the “We”) that emerges from the union of two individuals, a concept that transcends yet includes both partners. This episode is an invitation to listeners to consider their partnerships as a potent vehicle for growth and impact, making it an enlightening listen for couples, business partners and collaborators alike. We share simple yet impactful questions and tools to create a roadmap for couples looking to elevate their connection, explore the depths of their partnership, and make a significant impact together. Whether you're in a relationship seeking depth or an individual curious about the dynamics of successful partnerships, this episode offers invaluable wisdom and inspiration.A must listen for:Learning how partnership is not only about two individuals, but something much greaterPractical application for deepening connections.The balance between individuality and unity: navigating the tension between maintaining autonomy while also embracing the collective identity of the partnershipStrategies for growth and overcoming challengesListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
In this episode, Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer work through a challenge in real-time, sharing a raw and unscripted exploration of navigating work-from-home challenges. Without the safety net of rehearsals or preparations, listeners are granted an intimate glimpse into the dynamics of how they work through conflict while standing for both individual needs and collective harmony.Faced with the adjustments of working from home more frequently due to their business partner's paternity leave, Will and Krista confront the complexities of sharing their suddenly all-too-close quarters. Their candid discussion revolves around an innovative agreement aimed at granting each other solo days at home but quickly evolves into a deeper examination of personal needs, boundaries, and the intricate dance of living and working together in a shared space.The conversation navigates through moments of tension, insight, and vulnerability, offering listeners a rare look at the process of real-time problem-solving within a relationship. Join Dr. Will and Krista as they demonstrate the art of working through challenges together, in real-time, with openness and love.A must listen for:Learning to create shared reality as a basis to work through conflictLearning to stand for one's own preferences while being willing to see new areas of growthLearning to get everyone's needs met, rather than compromiseUnderstanding the power of agreement-based relationshipsListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
Addressing passive-aggressive comments like a ninja is highly satisfying. It can stop the aggressor in their shoes and wake them up to the impact they're having. Most passive aggressive comments are simply unskilled communications of negative feelings. By directly and neutrally addressing passive aggressiveness, we can support each other to grow as human beings. In episode 74 of the Art of We podcast, we get into the nuanced terrain of passive aggressiveness, in both personal and professional relationships. Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer discuss its subtle nature and how it can operate under a veneer of politeness, making it challenging to detect and address. They dive into the psychological underpinnings of why individuals resort to such behavior, highlighting the cultural lack of effective tools for expressing negative feelings directly.The hosts share practical strategies, share personal anecdotes and role-play scenarios to illustrate how to respond to passive aggression in a way that fosters understanding and growth, rather than perpetuating a cycle of negativity. They advocate for an approach that involves acknowledging the impact of such comments, expressing one's feelings without aggression, and seeking to understand the underlying needs of the other person.A must listen for:Individuals in leadership positions who deal with other humans :)Partners who have a hard time communicating their needs and wants skillfully People who have family or community that have a habit of passive aggressive behaviorAnyone who loves to grow!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Psychology TodayGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
In episode 73 of "The Art of We" podcast, hosts Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer explore the concept that when individuals are genuinely supported within their partnerships, they unlock a unique level of potential that can be a pivotal foundation for personal growth and achieving one's greatest successes, and that transcends an individual's mere high-functioning ability. They illuminate how the patterns and beliefs instilled in us from childhood carry over into our adult lives, influencing our intimate relationships. By challenging and supporting each other to confront and heal from past relational injuries, partners can achieve a level of fulfillment and expression that was previously unattainable, highlighting the interconnectedness of personal development and relational dynamics.The episode culminates in a powerful message about the potential for partnerships to serve as a catalyst for not just personal transformation but also for contributing positively to the world, pushing the boundaries of what is possible both personally and collectively.You'll also hear:The need for support and security within primary partnerships to unlock higher levels of potentialGrowth and healing within intimate relationships as a foundation for overcoming the limitations imposed by past traumas and childhood imprintsThe transformative potential of partnerships in contributing positively to the wider worldA call to action for listeners to reevaluate the depth and purpose of their relationshipsListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 72: “Conscious Relationship Endings”Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you're at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.
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