Podcasts about polars

Topics covered in this episode: git-flight-rules Uravelling t-strings neohtop Introducing Pyrefly: A new type checker and IDE experience for Python Extras Joke Watch on YouTube About the show Sponsored by us! Support our work through: Our courses at Talk Python Training The Complete pytest Course Patreon Supporters Connect with the hosts Michael: @mkennedy@fosstodon.org / @mkennedy.codes (bsky) Brian: @brianokken@fosstodon.org / @brianokken.bsky.social Show: @pythonbytes@fosstodon.org / @pythonbytes.fm (bsky) Join us on YouTube at pythonbytes.fm/live to be part of the audience. Usually Monday at 10am PT. Older video versions available there too. Finally, if you want an artisanal, hand-crafted digest of every week of the show notes in email form? Add your name and email to our friends of the show list, we'll never share it. Michael #1: git-flight-rules What are "flight rules"? A guide for astronauts (now, programmers using Git) about what to do when things go wrong. Flight Rules are the hard-earned body of knowledge recorded in manuals that list, step-by-step, what to do if X occurs, and why. Essentially, they are extremely detailed, scenario-specific standard operating procedures. [...] NASA has been capturing our missteps, disasters and solutions since the early 1960s, when Mercury-era ground teams first started gathering "lessons learned" into a compendium that now lists thousands of problematic situations, from engine failure to busted hatch handles to computer glitches, and their solutions. Steps for common operations and actions I want to start a local repository What did I just commit? I want to discard specific unstaged changes Restore a deleted file Brian #2: Uravelling t-strings Brett Cannon Article walks through Evaluating the Python expression Applying specified conversions Applying format specs Using an Interpolation class to hold details of replacement fields Using Template class to hold parsed data Plus, you don't have to have Python 3.14.0b1 to try this out. The end result is very close to an example used in PEP 750, which you do need 3.14.0b1 to try out. See also: I've written a pytest version, Unravelling t-strings with pytest, if you want to run all the examples with one file. Michael #3: neohtop Blazing-fast system monitoring for your desktop Features Real-time process monitoring CPU and Memory usage tracking Beautiful, modern UI with dark/light themes Advanced process search and filtering Pin important processes Process management (kill processes) Sort by any column Auto-refresh system stats Brian #4: Introducing Pyrefly: A new type checker and IDE experience for Python From Facebook / Meta Another Python type checker written in Rust Built with IDE integration in mind from the beginning Principles Performance IDE first Inference (inferring types in untyped code) Open source I mistakenly tried this on the project I support with the most horrible abuses of the dynamic nature of Python, pytest-check. It didn't go well. But perhaps the project is ready for some refactoring. I'd like to try it soon on a more well behaved project. Extras Brian: Python: The Documentary Official Trailer Tim Hopper added Setting up testing with ptyest and uv to his “Python Developer Tooling Handbook” For a more thorough intro on pytest, check out courses.pythontest.com pocket is closing, I'm switching to Raindrop I got one question about code formatting. It's not highlighted, but otherwise not bad. Michael: New course! Polars for Power Users: Transform Your Data Analysis Game Apache Airflow 3.0 Released Paste 5 Joke: Theodore Roosevelt's Man in the Arena, but for programming

Our guest today is Ritchie Vink, CEO & Founder of Polars: an open source data manipulation library known for being extremely fast. As of today, polars has over 32k stars on github. In our conversation, Ritchie first explains how Polar which started as a side project evolved to what it is today. We then discuss the differences between Polars and Pandas, why Polars is fast and optimised and dig into Polars cloud: a platform which manages the compute infrastructure, allowing users to focus solely on writing queries. If you enjoyed the episode, please leave a 5 star review and subscribe to the AI Stories Youtube channel.

durée : 00:52:20 - Grand bien vous fasse ! - par : Ali Rebeihi - A l'occasion du festival international Quais du polar qui rassemble plus de 120 auteurs et autrices à Lyon, invités et amis du vendredi se retrouvent autour du genre policier. - invités : Christine FERNIOT, Théodore Dillerin, Eric LIBIOT - Christine Ferniot : Journaliste, Théodore Dillerin : Libraire, Eric Libiot : Rédacteur en chef Culture à L'Express - réalisé par : Claire DESTACAMP

1/ Benjamin Dierstein, Frédéric Paulin : la réalité au secours de la fiction 2/ Le renouveau du roman noir français. 3/ Les coups de cœur polars étrangers Retrouvez un nouveau numéro du Club Le Figaro Culture. Jean-Christophe Buisson reçoit Bernard Poirette, Bruno Corty, Julie Malaure et Philippe Blanchet.Hébergé par Ausha. Visitez ausha.co/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

How can you simplify the management of your Python projects with one file? What are the advantages of using LazyFrames in Polars? Christopher Trudeau is back on the show this week, bringing another batch of PyCoder's Weekly articles and projects.

NVIDIA RAPIDS is an open-source suite of GPU-accelerated data science and AI libraries. It leverages CUDA and significantly enhances the performance of core Python frameworks including Polars, pandas, scikit-learn and NetworkX. Chris Deotte is a Senior Data Scientist at NVIDIA and Jean-Francois Puget is the Director and a Distinguished Engineer at NVIDIA. Chris and Jean-Francois The post NVIDIA RAPIDS and Open Source ML Acceleration with Chris Deotte and Jean-Francois Puget appeared first on Software Engineering Daily.

NVIDIA RAPIDS is an open-source suite of GPU-accelerated data science and AI libraries. It leverages CUDA and significantly enhances the performance of core Python frameworks including Polars, pandas, scikit-learn and NetworkX. Chris Deotte is a Senior Data Scientist at NVIDIA and Jean-Francois Puget is the Director and a Distinguished Engineer at NVIDIA. Chris and Jean-Francois The post NVIDIA RAPIDS and Open Source ML Acceleration with Chris Deotte and Jean-Francois Puget appeared first on Software Engineering Daily.

In this episode, we explore DuckDB, an open-source analytical database known for its speed and simplicity. Discover how DuckDB stands out in various applications and compare it to other tools like SQLite, Athena, Pandas, and Polars. We also demonstrate integrating DuckDB with AWS Lambda and Step Functions for serverless analytics.AWS Bites is brought to you by fourTheorem. If you are looking for a partner to architect, develop and modernise on AWS, give fourTheorem a call. Check out ⁠fourtheorem.com⁠In this episode, we mentioned the following resources: Our `duck-query-lambda`, A Lambda runtime for DuckDB queries: https://github.com/fourTheorem/duck-query-lambda DuckDB's official website: https://duckdb.org/ LibSQL: https://github.com/tursodatabase/libsql Do you have any AWS questions you would like us to address?Leave a comment here or connect with us on X/Twitter, BlueSky or LinkedIn:- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/eoins⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ | https://bsky.app/profile/eoin.sh | https://www.linkedin.com/in/eoins/- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/loige⁠⁠⁠⁠ | https://bsky.app/profile/loige.co | https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucianomammino/

1/ Jean-Christophe Grangé : son diptyque "Sans soleil" est-il réussi ? 2/ Commère, Pagan, Hury, Massat... : la bonne santé du polar français. 3/ Polars étrangers : les coups de cœur des invités. Retrouvez un nouveau numéro du Club Le Figaro Culture. Jean-Christophe Buisson reçoit Bruno Corty, Alexandra Schwartzbrod, Julie Malaure et Philippe Blanchet.Hébergé par Ausha. Visitez ausha.co/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

Avec cette nouvelle enquête on prend la direction les années 50 où plusieurs meurtres ont été commis dans un lugubre manoir victorien, avec plusieurs suspects à la clé et aux mobiles établis, avec Cluedo réalisé en 1985 par Jonathan Lynn et adapté du jeu de société mondialement connu. Un autre format consacré d'avantage à un genre bien particulier du cinéma policier, à la fois ludique et mordant, qui nous vient tout droit de la littérature: le whodunit. De quoi faire le plein de recommandations avant les fêtes avec cette émission spéciale et qui se déguste comme une sucrerie à l'arsenic. Installez vous confortablement sous un plaid, bien au chaud et nous vous dirons qui l'a fait. Et cette fois ci c'est un esprit redoutable que nous accueillons en interrogatoire en la personne d'Alban Liebl, médiateur, conférencier et formateur en cinéma notamment pour le dispositif Lycéens au cinéma.   De quoi faire travailler vos petites cellules grises ! Retrouvez la photo signalétique de l'invité en début d'émission ainsi que les complices (un film dans le même giron) en toute fin de podcast. Avec dans cet épisode un retour sur Le Limier le chef-d'oeuvre de Joseph L. Mankiewicz (1972) et sur une véritable curiosité avec La Grande cuisine ou l'art et la manière d'assaisonner les chefs de Ted Kotcheff (1978) Un dossier mené par Rafael Lorenzo.

Que vous soyez amateur de thrillers psychologiques, de drames humains ou de mystères intelligents, ces trois séries disponibles sur Canal+ vous emmènent dans des paysages différents. The Tower La première saison de The Tower nous plongeait dans une enquête palpitante après une chute mystérieuse du haut d'une tour résidentielle à Londres, qui laissait derrière elle des questions troublantes et un duo d'enquêtrices complexes. La détective Sarah Collins et sa jeune collègue, Lizzie Griffiths, se retrouvaient mêlées à un réseau de secrets et de conflits éthiques qui mettaient en lumière des dysfonctionnements au sein de la police. https://youtu.be/z5bm-Eewd0I?si=rky08Z9-im2iIscL La série reprend avec Sarah Collins toujours marquée par les événements de la saison précédente. Cette fois, une affaire d'agression brutale dans un quartier populaire déclenche une nouvelle vague de tensions. Tandis que Collins cherche à dénouer une enquête tortueuse, Lizzie lutte pour s'affirmer dans sa carrière et se distancer des erreurs passées. Les deux femmes devront encore une fois jongler entre loyauté, justice et leurs convictions personnelles. [bs_show url="the-tower-2021"] Three Pines Adaptée des romans de Louise Penny, Three Pines suit l'inspecteur Armand Gamache campé par Alfred Molina, un enquêteur charismatique et réfléchi. Envoyé dans un paisible village québécois, il se retrouve confronté à des crimes troublants qui dévoilent les sombres secrets de cette petite communauté. Dans un format procédural, chaque épisode explore des histoires indépendantes tout en tissant un fil rouge autour d'un mystère central : une disparition inexpliquée qui hante Gamache. Au fil des enquêtes, Gamache se lie d'amitié avec des habitants du village, notamment Clara Morrow, une artiste locale pleine de sensibilité, et Olivier Brulé, un propriétaire de café dont le passé cache des zones d'ombre. Ces relations apportent une touche d'humanité et un contraste avec la noirceur des crimes. https://youtu.be/x11Je5RAmVQ?si=Qn-a4G2JzKeLRvYb Située dans les paysages enneigés et pittoresques du Canada, la série mêle humour absurde et noirceur dans un savant équilibre qui n'est pas sans rappeler Fargo. Les fans des romans retrouveront l'essence de l'œuvre originale, tandis que les novices seront séduits par cet univers riche. [bs_show url="three-pines"] Bête noire La saison 2 de Bête noire, le polar canadien, est enfin disponible, après une première qui explorait les conséquences d'une tragédie : une fusillade scolaire perpétrée par Jérémy, un jeune homme sans histoire. La série abordait avec une finesse rare les traumatismes laissés par cet acte, tout en tentant de comprendre les raisons qui ont conduit à un tel geste. Après les événements de la première saison, cette nouvelle édition poursuit l'exploration des répercussions à long terme sur les familles, les survivants et les institutions. Les acteurs qui ne sont pas familiers pour nous, incarnent leurs rôles avec une intensité qui résonne longtemps après chaque épisode. Dans la nouvelle saison, l'histoire se concentre sur un groupe de soutien qui se forme entre les parents des victimes et d'autres touchés indirectement par des drames similaires. Le scénario interroge les notions de pardon, de culpabilité et de résilience. En se concentrant sur les conséquences et non sur l'acte en lui-même, la série se distingue des autres thrillers psychologiques. https://youtu.be/QPSl9BeJOks?si=U_EP5MrvwKRwqz2L Direction Canal+ pour retrouver ces trois séries pleines de suspens !

Que vous soyez amateur de thrillers psychologiques, de drames humains ou de mystères intelligents, ces trois séries disponibles sur Canal+ vous emmènent dans des paysages différents. The Tower La première saison de The Tower nous plongeait dans une enquête palpitante après une chute mystérieuse du haut d'une tour résidentielle à Londres, qui laissait derrière elle des questions troublantes et un duo d'enquêtrices complexes. La détective Sarah Collins et sa jeune collègue, Lizzie Griffiths, se retrouvaient mêlées à un réseau de secrets et de conflits éthiques qui mettaient en lumière des dysfonctionnements au sein de la police. https://youtu.be/z5bm-Eewd0I?si=rky08Z9-im2iIscL La série reprend avec Sarah Collins toujours marquée par les événements de la saison précédente. Cette fois, une affaire d'agression brutale dans un quartier populaire déclenche une nouvelle vague de tensions. Tandis que Collins cherche à dénouer une enquête tortueuse, Lizzie lutte pour s'affirmer dans sa carrière et se distancer des erreurs passées. Les deux femmes devront encore une fois jongler entre loyauté, justice et leurs convictions personnelles. [bs_show url="the-tower-2021"] Three Pines Adaptée des romans de Louise Penny, Three Pines suit l'inspecteur Armand Gamache campé par Alfred Molina, un enquêteur charismatique et réfléchi. Envoyé dans un paisible village québécois, il se retrouve confronté à des crimes troublants qui dévoilent les sombres secrets de cette petite communauté. Dans un format procédural, chaque épisode explore des histoires indépendantes tout en tissant un fil rouge autour d'un mystère central : une disparition inexpliquée qui hante Gamache. Au fil des enquêtes, Gamache se lie d'amitié avec des habitants du village, notamment Clara Morrow, une artiste locale pleine de sensibilité, et Olivier Brulé, un propriétaire de café dont le passé cache des zones d'ombre. Ces relations apportent une touche d'humanité et un contraste avec la noirceur des crimes. https://youtu.be/x11Je5RAmVQ?si=Qn-a4G2JzKeLRvYb Située dans les paysages enneigés et pittoresques du Canada, la série mêle humour absurde et noirceur dans un savant équilibre qui n'est pas sans rappeler Fargo. Les fans des romans retrouveront l'essence de l'œuvre originale, tandis que les novices seront séduits par cet univers riche. [bs_show url="three-pines"] Bête noire La saison 2 de Bête noire, le polar canadien, est enfin disponible, après une première qui explorait les conséquences d'une tragédie : une fusillade scolaire perpétrée par Jérémy, un jeune homme sans histoire. La série abordait avec une finesse rare les traumatismes laissés par cet acte, tout en tentant de comprendre les raisons qui ont conduit à un tel geste. Après les événements de la première saison, cette nouvelle édition poursuit l'exploration des répercussions à long terme sur les familles, les survivants et les institutions. Les acteurs qui ne sont pas familiers pour nous, incarnent leurs rôles avec une intensité qui résonne longtemps après chaque épisode. Dans la nouvelle saison, l'histoire se concentre sur un groupe de soutien qui se forme entre les parents des victimes et d'autres touchés indirectement par des drames similaires. Le scénario interroge les notions de pardon, de culpabilité et de résilience. En se concentrant sur les conséquences et non sur l'acte en lui-même, la série se distingue des autres thrillers psychologiques. https://youtu.be/QPSl9BeJOks?si=U_EP5MrvwKRwqz2L Direction Canal+ pour retrouver ces trois séries pleines de suspens !

話した内容Blog⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 今回は、2024年10月目標、ChatGPT関連(4o with Canvas、OpenAI Demo Day)、今週のKaggle・分析コンペ、雑談・来週話したいこと(Polars本出版記念飲み会、Hohetoの暗号資産xデータ分析勉強会、時系列分析)について話しました。 #regonn_curry_fm  へのお便りはこちら https://forms.gle/BZsrPSa4znoQNfww8

Moore's law is dead! Long live Eroom's law! This provocative statement from Tristan Nitot highlights the pivotal role of software engineers in our journey as an industry toward a sustainable and more frugal digital world. The majority of our old devices, from smartphones to desktop, still work. How come that we waste such a massive gathering of precious resources such as minerals, energy, water and even our human time which we use to manufacture and maintain them? What should we do to break the trend of electronic waste and the ever-increasing footprint of the IT sector on our physical world? Gael Duez sat down with Tristan Nitot to start answering these questions in this Green IO episode where we covered: ⚖️ Why Wirth's law matters more than Moore's law

Glaciers en danger: de nouvelles estimations révèlent une fonte plus rapide d'ici à 2100 Les brèves du jour "Glacier, Tout va changer": la nouvelle exposition du Musée Alpin Suisse "La Corne dʹAmmon": le polar scientifique qui vous plonge au cœur du cerveau

durée : 00:14:20 - Carnets de campagne - par : Dorothée Barba - Pour entamer une semaine consacrée à la Moselle, la parole est à un homme qui se présente comme un "écrivain en circuit court". Il écrit des histoires policières en faisant participer les Mosellans à des ateliers d'écriture.

How does a Python tool support all types of DataFrames and their various features? Could a lightweight library be used to add compatibility for newer formats like Polars or PyArrow? This week on the show, we speak with Marco Gorelli about his project, Narwhals.

If you work in data science, you definitely know about data frame libraries. Pandas is certainly the most popular, but there are others such as cuDF, Modin, Polars, Dask, and more. They are all similar but definitely not the same APIs and Polars is quite different. But here's the problem. If you want to write a library that is for users of more than one of these data frame frameworks, how do you do that? Or if you want to leave open the possibility of changing yours after the app is built, same problem. That's the problem that Narwhals solves. We have Marco Gorelli on the show to tell us all about it. Episode sponsors WorkOS Talk Python Courses Links from the show Marco Gorelli: @marcogorelli Marco on LinkedIn: linkedin.com Narwhals: github.io Narwhals on Github: github.com DuckDB: duckdb.org Ibis: ibis-project.org modin: readthedocs.io Pandas and Beyond with Wes McKinney: talkpython.fm Polars: A Lightning-fast DataFrame for Python: talkpython.fm Polars: pola.rs Pandas: pandas.pydata.org Watch this episode on YouTube: youtube.com Episode transcripts: talkpython.fm --- Stay in touch with us --- Subscribe to us on YouTube: youtube.com Follow Talk Python on Mastodon: talkpython Follow Michael on Mastodon: mkennedy

Topics covered in this episode: Architecture Decision Records (ADRs) narwhals: extremely lightweight compatibility layer between dataframes Microsoft wants Three Mile Island to fuel its AI power needs zsh-in-docker Extras Joke Watch on YouTube About the show Sponsored by ScoutAPM: pythonbytes.fm/scout Connect with the hosts Michael: @mkennedy@fosstodon.org Brian: @brianokken@fosstodon.org Show: @pythonbytes@fosstodon.org Join us on YouTube at pythonbytes.fm/live to be part of the audience. Usually Monday at 10am PT. Older video versions available there too. Finally, if you want an artisanal, hand-crafted digest of every week of the show notes in email form? Add your name and email to our friends of the show list, we'll never share it. Brian #1: Architecture Decision Records (ADRs) Suggested by Christian Gesell Documenting Architecture Decisions Mychael Nygard Original article from 2011 Why you should be using architecture decision records to document your project Red Hat Includes a quick overview and links to some templates Notes so far Writing this out helps me solidify my thinking about a problem. I'm doing this both before starting, and while implementing a first draft GitHub and GitLab render markdown so well that generating a docs site is unnecessary, just throwing these files in something like docs/adr is enough. The lightweight process is enough but not too much. I've already filled out None for lots of sections, like “options considered” I'm still playing with what level of decision should have an ADR. My template that I've been using so far Saved in 000-adr-template.md For easy copy/paste/modify for new records. File name is something like 001-some-change.md Michael #2: narwhals: extremely lightweight compatibility layer between dataframes Recently had Marco on Talk Python to discuss Primarily for library creators who want to support interacting with multiple data frame libraries (.e.g. Pandas & Polars) Just use a subset of the Polars API Brian #3: Microsoft wants Three Mile Island to fuel its AI power needs “Microsoft just signed a deal to revive the shuttered Three Mile Island nuclear power plant. If approved by regulators, the software maker would have exclusive rights to 100 percent of the output for its AI data center needs.” Also ran on CNN and other sources: Three Mile Island is reopening and selling its power to Microsoft Three Mile Island was the site of the worst nuclear disaster in the US, when one of two reactors experienced a partial meltdown, in 1979. It was still operating up until 2019, and now expected to re-open in 2028 Will be renamed “Crane Clean Energy Center” related The Department of Energy Wants You to Know Your Conservation Efforts Are Making a Difference “By switching all the lightbulbs in your house to LED, you saved enough energy for a self-driving car to make an unprotected lefthand turn across three lanes of traffic.” “We know you adopted energy-saving practices to help conserve our planet's resources and bring down our collective carbon footprint, but what you ultimately accomplished is just as important: helping AI do something menial and stupid.” Michael #4: zsh-in-docker Install Zsh, Oh My Zsh and plugins inside a Docker container with one line! Yes docker containers should be light, but also, think of how painful it can be when you run into trouble. With Oh My ZSH, you get a nice experience when you have to result to docker exec -it CONTAINER zsh Just enter a single command in your docker file: RUN sh -c "$(wget -O- https://github.com/deluan/zsh-in-docker/releases/download/v1.2.0/zsh-in-docker.sh)" -- -t robbyrussell Extras Michael: self-hosting mkennedy.codes Loren's journey to developer It's time to stop using Python 3.8 Sonoma → Sequoia → Sonoma (yikes!) Passkeys, maybe they will work out if we don't let them become lock-in (bitwarden's support) Joke: How to Monetize a Blog Don't forget to click on the bottom link: Credits / how this was made

Topics covered in this episode: pyawaitable Annotated area charts with plotnine DeltaDB PyCon US 2024 Recap + Videos are up Extras Joke Watch on YouTube About the show Sponsored by us! Support our work through: Our courses at Talk Python Training The Complete pytest Course Patreon Supporters Connect with the hosts Michael: @mkennedy@fosstodon.org Brian: @brianokken@fosstodon.org Show: @pythonbytes@fosstodon.org Join us on YouTube at pythonbytes.fm/live to be part of the audience. Usually Tuesdays at 10am PT. Older video versions available there too. Finally, if you want an artisanal, hand-crafted digest of every week of the show notes in email form? Add your name and email to our friends of the show list, we'll never share it. Michael #1: pyawaitable CPython API for asynchronous functions. by Peter Bierma It was originally designed to be directly part of CPython - you can read the scrapped PEP about it. Since this library only uses the public ABI, it's better fit outside of CPython, as a library. Brian #2: Annotated area charts with plotnine Nicola Rennie This is a marvelous, very professional looking plot, and a tutorial for how to achieve it. Uses plotline, which is “.. an implementation of a grammar of graphics in Python based on ggplot2” I actually didn't know the gg in ggplot came from “grammar of graphics”. TIL Michael #3: DeltaDB A lightweight, comprehensive solution for managing delta tables built on polars and deltalake. Deltalake: Delta Lake is an open-source storage format that runs on top of existing data lakes. Polars: Dataframes powered by a multithreaded, vectorized query engine, written in Rust (aka fluent, rust-based pandas) See the docs. Brian #4: PyCon US 2024 Recap + Videos are up 95 countries attended total attendance of 2,991 2,551 in person 440 remote Videos available PyConUS I recommend Playlist → 2024 → view full playlist, as it's easier to see the talk titles. I've got Paul Gannsle's pytest for unittesters and Amitosh Swain's Testing Data Pipelines queued up Extras Brian: Hello, pytest! course available as of last Friday. Now the fastest way to get started using pytest. 16 lessons (really 12 + intro, outro, code download, pytest flag cheat sheet) The whole shebang is about 90 min. (faster if you bump up the video speed. :) Michael: Cutting back on digital distractions, trying Dumb Phone for iPhone. See screenshot Code in a Castle Event Joke: The Tao of Programming: 4.3 A master was explaining the nature of Tao of to one of his novices, "The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how insignificant," said the master. "Is the Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice. "It is," came the reply. "Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice. "It is even in a video game," said the master. "And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?" The master coughed and shifted his position slightly. "The lesson is over for today," he said.

Join Mike Merril as he chats with Bruce Walt, Partner at HORNE, about the significance of understanding generational differences in the workplace, particularly in the construction industry.   He breaks down the characteristics of six generations, emphasizing how technology and major events shape their behaviors and expectations.   The conversation highlights the importance of integrating technology in work processes, offering flexible work schedules and fostering inclusion to attract Millennials and Gen Z.   Walt also underscores the need for health and well-being programs to support workers, noting that addressing these areas can lead to greater employee satisfaction and retention.   Key Takeaways ·       Understand the unique characteristics and formative experiences of different generations (Silent Generation to Polars). ·       Technology drives individualism and alters workplace dynamics, necessitating its integration in modern work environments. ·       Flexibility in work schedules and environments is vital for younger generations. ·       Emphasizing inclusion and diversity is essential for future workforce success. ·       The importance of physical and mental health initiatives in improving workforce satisfaction and productivity. Blurb Are you struggling to handle your multigenerational workforce? We're here to help. Join us as HORNE Partner Bruce Walt delves into the unique traits of six generations and how technology shapes workplace dynamics. Learn why flexibility, inclusion, and health initiatives are key to connecting different generations and retaining younger workers.   Quote “You gotta showcase your purpose,” said Bruce Walt. “How are we contributing to a greater good? That is particularly impactful to Gen Z. Millennials tend to be more about the individual, but Gen Z wants to be part of something bigger.”

Спонсор подкаста — https://learn.python.ru/advanced Ведущие – Григорий Петров и Михаил Корнеев Новости выпуска:  Утечка токена для полного доступа к GitHub-репозиториям проекта Python Запущен сайт про nogil-питон Python grapples with Apple App Store rejections Вышел Polars 1.0  PEP 751 общий формал для lock-файлов зависимостей Ссылки выпуска: Курс Learn Python — https://learn.python.ru/advanced Канал Миши в Telegram — https://t.me/tricky_python Канал Moscow Python в Telegram — https://t.me/moscow_python Все выпуски — https://podcast.python.ru Митапы Moscow Python — https://moscowpython.ru 

Dans le premier épisode de cette saison consacrée à l'affaire du Dr Petiot, nous vous présentions le commissaire Georges Massu, l'enquêteur qui se lance dans la traque de Marcel Petiot dès la découverte du charnier de la rue Le Sueur, qui découvre le cabinet capitonné où les victimes étaient asphyxiées et qui se rend dans l'Yonne pour interroger les proches et amis d'enfance du tueur. Cet as du 36 quai des Orfèvres a inspiré un célèbre écrivain Belge qui révolutionna la littérature policière... *** Crédits Archives *** Extrait des émissions radiophoniques La Marche de l'histoire de Jean Lebrun, France Inter, 25/01/2012 - Actualités de midi, RTF, 20/11/1959 - Dimanche dans un fauteuil, RTF, 12/10/1958. *** Crédits podcast *** Textes : Cyrielle Le Moigne-Tolba - Documentaliste : Elsa Ferreira-Rato, Jennifer Anyoh - Restauration et mixage : Ian Debeerst - Enregistrement : Guillaume Solignat, Laurent Thomas - Voix off : Xavier Lemarchand - Musique(s) avec l'aimable autorisation d'Universal Production Music France - Unité de production : Delphine Lambard - Création graphique : Ugo Bouveron - Cheffe de projet : Lӕtitia Fourmond - Stagiaires : Inès Bichel - Responsable éditoriale : Zoé Macheret - Production INA.

Jean Twenge (psychologist; professor at San Diego State University) is regarded as the world expert on “generations”. She famously described millennials as “Generation Me” (also the name of her 2006 book) and first made the (controversial) connection back in 2017 between smartphones and the sharp uptick in anxiety and depression among Gen Z teens, which has since become one of our culture's top talking points. In her recent book, Generations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents―and What They Mean for America's Future she explains how themes such as narcissism, individualism, fear and tech addiction play out between the generations (including the Boomers, Xers, and the latest cohort, “the Polars”).In this chat we cover…Do millennials actually have it harder? Why do 60% of Gen Z girls have mental health problems? Why aren't young people aren't getting their driver's licenses? Is modern parenting setting kids up for failure? As well as the “slow life” phenomenon.You can catch Jean in Sydney at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas on 24-25 August, speaking at the following talks.The Machines Killing Our KidsThe Generation GulfContagious RealitiesSHOW NOTESSubscribe to Jean's Substack​, Generation TechHere's the teen mental health post I wrote on SubstackAnd here's the Substack post about the difference in young men's and women's political leaningsLearn more about the Festival of Dangerous Ideas here--If you need to know a bit more about me… head to my "about" pageFor more such conversations subscribe to my Substack newsletter, it's where I interact the most!Get your copy of my book, This One Wild and Precious LifeLet's connect on Instagram and WeAre8 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode dives into some of the most important data science libraries from the Python space with one of its pioneers: Wes McKinney. He's the creator or co-creator of pandas, Apache Arrow, and Ibis projects and an entrepreneur in this space. Episode sponsors Neo4j Mailtrap Talk Python Courses Links from the show Wes' Website: wesmckinney.com Pandas: pandas.pydata.org Apache Arrow: arrow.apache.org Ibis: ibis-project.org Python for Data Analysis - Groupby Summary: wesmckinney.com/book Polars: pola.rs Dask: dask.org Sqlglot: sqlglot.com Pandoc: pandoc.org Quarto: quarto.org Evidence framework: evidence.dev pyscript: pyscript.net duckdb: duckdb.org Jupyterlite: jupyter.org Djangonauts: djangonaut.space Watch this episode on YouTube: youtube.com Episode transcripts: talkpython.fm --- Stay in touch with us --- Subscribe to us on YouTube: youtube.com Follow Talk Python on Mastodon: talkpython Follow Michael on Mastodon: mkennedy

This month we focus on a classic: the garden rose. We'll also talk tiny strawberries and native trees that are flowering right now. Featuring Peggy Cornett, Curator of Plants; Michael Tricomi, Manager and Curator of Historic Gardens; Debbie Donley, Flower Gardener; and Robert Dowell, Senior Nursery Associate at the Thomas Jefferson Center Historic Plants.

Isabelle est seule depuis de nombreuses années. Depuis sa dernière histoire, elle n'a rien vécu de concret. Son fils vivant à l'étranger, elle est seule. Pour supporter sa solitude, elle écrit des romans et des polars. Chaque soir, en direct, Caroline Dublanche accueille les auditeurs pour 2h30 d'échanges et de confidences. Pour participer, contactez l'émission au 09 69 39 10 11 (prix d'un appel local) ou sur parlonsnous@rtl.fr Cette saison, Caroline Dublanche accueille les auditeurs dès le dimanche soir de 23h à 1h et du lundi au jeudi à 22h.

durée : 00:52:23 - Grand bien vous fasse ! - par : Ali Rebeihi - Ce matin, à l'occasion du festival "Quai du polar" qui ouvre ses portes à Lyon à partir du 5 avril, nous évoquons le plaisir de lire des polar pour mieux comprendre les autres, soi et la société.

* La Nuit de la Data et de l'IA - And the winners are... : -> https://www.republikgroup-it.fr/palmares-2024-tda* IA ACT * Probabl is a new AI company built around popular library scikit-learn -> https://techcrunch.com/2024/02/01/probabl-is-a-new-ai-company-built-around-popular-library-scikit-learn/* From Silos to Standardization: Leveraging DBT for a Democratized Data Framework -> https://medium.com/uc-engineering/from-silos-to-standardization-leveraging-dbt-for-a-democratized-data-framework-f444dcd07cd9* DuckDB vs Polars -> https://medium.com/gitconnected/duckdb-vs-polars-2ff19cc7af41* Meetup Python sur les frameworks UI -> https://youtu.be/yspHNEFjKfQ?list=PLv7xGPH0RMUT1GSCGHJmqnswpk-nyz5aq* NiceGUI -> https://nicegui.io------------------Cette publication est sponsorisée par Affini-Tech et CerenIT.CerenIT vous accompagne pour concevoir, industrialiser ou automatiser vos plateformes mais aussi pour faire parler vos données temporelles. Ecrivez nous à contact@cerenit.fr et retrouvez-nous aussi au Time Series France.Affini-Tech vous accompagne dans tous vos projets Cloud et Data, pour Imaginer, Expérimenter et Executer vos services ! (Affini-Tech, Datatask) Consulter le blog d'Affini-Tech et le blog de Datatask pour en savoir plus. On recrute ! Venez cruncher de la data avec nous ! Ecrivez nous à recrutement@affini-tech.comLe générique a été composé et réalisé par Maxence Lecointe

Allen Wyma talks with Ritchie Vink about his work on Polars, a DataFrame library written in Rust. Contributing to Rustacean Station Rustacean Station is a community project; get in touch with us if you'd like to suggest an idea for an episode or offer your services as a host or audio editor! Twitter: @rustaceanfm Discord: Rustacean Station Github: @rustacean-station Email: hello@rustacean-station.org Timestamps [@00:00] - Meet Ritchie Vink - Creator of Polars [@02:00] - What is a DataFrame? [@05:19] - Arrow [@07:26] - NumPy [@11:31] - Polars vs Pandas [@17:32] - Using Polars in app development [@25:24] - Python and Rust docs [@31:49] - Polars 1.0 release [@35:21] - What keeps Ritchie working on Polars [@37:27] - Growing Polars without bloat [@39:57] - Closing discussions Credits Intro Theme: Aerocity Audio Editing: Plangora Hosting Infrastructure: Jon Gjengset Show Notes: Plangora Hosts: Allen Wyma

Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst

taking a break to try to stop the coughing. idk sux ppl can just be controlled like that. doing my best to be my best ^.^ gotta smile thru tha gross hacking coughing demon ppl everywhere lol (not cool) :( oh - also go listen to Dillon Francis's new album 'This MixtapE is Fire Too' cuz it is fire (except 2 songs i had to skip) plz don't hurt otherscover your mouthn don't be evil demon ppl thx for listening. peace. -b. [so far in the pregame:] For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standstill at rush out in Manhattan With enough practice I could buy everything in Sam ash And make my own band with it That's the plan at least— But

taking a break to try to stop the coughing. idk sux ppl can just be controlled like that. doing my best to be my best ^.^ gotta smile thru tha gross hacking coughing demon ppl everywhere lol (not cool) :( oh - also go listen to Dillon Francis's new album 'This MixtapE is Fire Too' cuz it is fire (except 2 songs i had to skip) plz don't hurt otherscover your mouthn don't be evil demon ppl thx for listening. peace. -b. [so far in the pregame:] For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standstill at rush out in Manhattan With enough practice I could buy everything in Sam ash And make my own band with it That's the plan at least— But

Topics covered in this episode: Habits of great software engineers Flask 3.0 Build Conway's Game of Life With Python polars business Extras Joke Watch on YouTube About the show Sponsored by Scout APM Connect with the hosts Michael: @mkennedy@fosstodon.org Brian: @brianokken@fosstodon.org Show: @pythonbytes@fosstodon.org Join us on YouTube at pythonbytes.fm/live to be part of the audience. Usually Tuesdays at 11am PT. Older video versions available there too. Brian #1: Habits of great software engineers As we wind up the year, many people are thinking about goals for the new year. Here's a decent list to think about Focusing beyond the code Efficiency / Antifragility Joy of tinkering Knowing the why Thinking in systems Tech detox The art of approximation Transferring Knowledge to Other Problems Making Hard Things Easy Playing the Long Game Developing a Code Nose Strong Opinions loosely held Michael #2: Flask 3.0 Deprecate the __version__ attribute. Use feature detection, or importlib.metadata.version("flask"), instead. #5230 How do you even do that? This is news to me: [build-system] requires = ["setuptools", "wheel"] build-backend = "setuptools.build_meta" [metadata] name = "your-package-name" version = "0.1.0" Remove previously deprecated code. #5223 Brian #3: Build Conway's Game of Life With Python Leodanis Pozo Ramos CLI curses version Nice walk through of breaking the problem into parts. Michael #4: polars business It's a plugin for Polars, which allows you to do business day arithmetic. The big advantage of using this directly (as opposed to converting to pandas/numpy, using their business day tools, and then converting back) is that polars-business fits right in with the Polars lazy API. This means you'll still be able to get the gains from the Polars query optimiser without having to step into eager execution. All you need to use is it is pip install polars-business Written in Rust, but end-users doesn't need Rust to run it, Python is all you need. Extras Brian: BLACKFRIDAY code still works for 50% off The Complete pytest Course, Full Course + Community Access, through Nov 30 Also Debugging chapter is up, and it includes a small TDD example. Michael: Dear Python Community by Kenneth Reitz Python 3.13a2 out and Major new features of the 3.13 series, compared to 3.12 Thank you Black Friday supporters. Joke: ai vs dev

Mike Perham is the creator of Sidekiq, a background job processor for Ruby. He's also the creator of Faktory a similar product for multiple language environments. We talk about the RubyConf keynote and Ruby's limitations, supporting products as a solo developer, and some ideas for funding open source like a public utility. Recorded at RubyConf 2023 in San Diego. -- A few topics covered: Sidekiq (Ruby) vs Faktory (Polyglot) Why background job solutions are so common in Ruby Global Interpreter Lock (GIL) Ractors (Actor concurrency) Downsides of Multiprocess applications When to use other languages Getting people to pay for Sidekiq Keeping a solo business Being selective about customers Ways to keep support needs low Open source as a public utility Mike Mike's blog mastodon Sidekiq faktory From Employment to Independence Ruby Ractor The Practical Effects of the GVL on Scaling in Ruby Transcript You can help correct transcripts on GitHub. Introduction [00:00:00] Jeremy: I'm here at RubyConf San Diego with Mike Perham. He's the creator of Sidekiq and Faktory. [00:00:07] Mike: Thank you, Jeremy, for having me here. It's a pleasure. Sidekiq [00:00:11] Jeremy: So for people who aren't familiar with, I guess we'll start with Sidekiq because I think that's what you're most known for. If people don't know what it is, maybe you can give like a small little explanation. [00:00:22] Mike: Ruby apps generally have two major pieces of infrastructure powering them. You've got your app server, which serves your webpages and the browser. And then you generally have something off on the side that... It processes, you know, data for a million different reasons, and that's generally called a background job framework, and that's what Sidekiq is. [00:00:41] It, Rails is usually the thing that, that handles your web stuff, and then Sidekiq is the Sidekiq to Rails, so to speak. [00:00:50] Jeremy: And so this would fit the same role as, I think in Python, there's celery. and then in the Ruby world, I guess there is, uh, Resque is another kind of job. [00:01:02] Mike: Yeah, background job frameworks are quite prolific in Ruby. the Ruby community's kind of settled on that as the, the standard pattern for application development. So yeah, we've got, a half a dozen to a dozen different, different examples throughout history, but the major ones today are, Sidekiq, Resque, DelayedJob, GoodJob, and, and, and others down the line, yeah. Why background jobs are so common in Ruby [00:01:25] Jeremy: I think working in other languages, you mentioned how in Ruby, there's this very clear, preference to use these job scheduling systems, these job queuing systems, and I'm not. I'm not sure if that's as true in, say, if somebody's working in Java, or C sharp, or whatnot. And I wonder if there's something specific about Ruby that makes people kind of gravitate towards this as the default thing they would use. [00:01:52] Mike: That's a good question. What makes Ruby... The one that so needs a background job system. I think Ruby, has historically been very single threaded. And so, every Ruby process can only do so much work. And so Ruby oftentimes does, uh, spin up a lot of different processes, and so having processes that are more focused on one thing is, is, is more standard. [00:02:24] So you'll have your application server processes, which focus on just serving HTTP responses. And then you have some other sort of focused process and that just became background job processes. but yeah, I haven't really thought of it all that much. But, uh, you know, something like Java, for instance, heavily multi threaded. [00:02:45] And so, and extremely heavyweight in terms of memory and startup time. So it's much more frequent in Java that you just start up one process and that's it. Right, you just do everything in that one process. And so you may have dozens and dozens of threads, both serving HTTP and doing work on the side too. Um, whereas in Ruby that just kind of naturally, there was a natural split there. Global Interpreter Lock [00:03:10] Jeremy: So that's actually a really good insight, because... in the keynote at RubyConf, Mats, the creator of Ruby, you know, he mentioned the, how the fact that there is this global, interpreter lock, [00:03:23] or, or global VM lock in Ruby, and so you can't, really do multiple things in parallel and make use of all the different cores. And so it makes a lot of sense why you would say like, okay, I need to spin up separate processes so that I can actually take advantage of, of my, system. [00:03:43] Mike: Right. Yeah. And the, um, the GVL. is the acronym we use in the Ruby community, or GIL. Uh, that global lock really kind of is a forcing function for much of the application architecture in Ruby. Ruby, uh, applications because it does limit how much processing a single Ruby process can do. So, uh, even though Sidekiq is heavily multi threaded, you can only have so many threads executing. [00:04:14] Because they all have to share one core because of that global lock. So unfortunately, that's, that's been, um, one of the limiter, limiting factors to Sidekiq scalability is that, that lock and boy, I would pay a lot of money to just have that lock go away, but. You know, Python is going through a very long term experiment about trying to remove that lock and I'm very curious to see how well that goes because I would love to see Ruby do the same and we'll see what happens in the future, but, it's always frustrating when I come to another RubyConf and I hear another Matt's keynote where he's asked about the GIL and he continues to say, well, the GIL is going to be around, as long as I can tell. [00:04:57] so it's a little bit frustrating, but. It's, it's just what you have to deal with. Ractors [00:05:02] Jeremy: I'm not too familiar with them, but they, they did mention during the keynote I think there Ractors or something like that. There, there, there's some way of being able to get around the GIL but there are these constraints on them. And in the context of Sidekiq and, and maybe Ruby in general, how do you feel about those options or those solutions? [00:05:22] Mike: Yeah, so, I think it was Ruby 3. 2 that introduced this concept of what they call a Ractor, which is like a thread, except it does not have the global lock. It can run independent to the global lock. The problem is, is because it doesn't use the global lock, it has pretty severe constraints on what it can do. [00:05:47] And the, and more specifically, the data it can access. So, Ruby apps and Rails apps throughout history have traditionally accessed a lot of global data, a lot of class level data, and accessed all this data in a, in a read only fashion. so there's no race conditions because no one's changing any of it, but it's still, lots of threads all accessing the same variables. [00:06:19] Well, Ractors can't do that at all. The only data Ractors can access is data that they own. And so that is completely foreign to Ruby application, traditional Ruby applications. So essentially, Ractors aren't compatible with the vast majority of existing Ruby code. So I, I, I toyed with the idea of prototyping Sidekiq and Ractors, and within about a minute or two, I just ran into these, these, uh... [00:06:51] These very severe constraints, and so that's why you don't see a lot of people using Ractors, even still, even though they've been out for a year or two now, you just don't see a lot of people using them, because they're, they're really limited, limited in what they can do. But, on the other hand, they're unlimited in how well they can scale. [00:07:12] So, we'll see, we'll see. Hopefully in the future, they'll make a lot of improvements and, uh, maybe they'll become more usable over time. Downsides of multiprocess (Memory usage) [00:07:19] Jeremy: And with the existence of a job queue or job scheduler like Sidekiq, you're able to create additional processes to get around that global lock, I suppose. What are the... downsides of doing so versus another language like we mentioned Java earlier, which is capable of having true parallelism in the same process. [00:07:47] Mike: Yeah, so you can start up multiple Ruby processes to process things truly in parallel. The issue is that you do get some duplication in terms of memory. So your Ruby app maybe take a gigabyte per process. And, you can do copy on write forking. You can fork and get some memory sharing with copy on write semantics on Unix operating systems. [00:08:21] But you may only get, let's say, 30 percent memory savings. So, there's still a significant memory overhead to forking, you know, let's say, eight processes versus having eight threads. You know, you, you, you may have, uh, eight threads can operate in a gigabyte process, but if you want to have eight processes, that may take, let's say, four gigabytes of RAM. [00:08:48] So you, you still, it's not going to cost you eight gigabytes of RAM, you know, it's not like just one times eight, but, there's still a overhead of having those separate processes. [00:08:58] Jeremy: would you say it's more of a cost restriction, like it costs you more to run these applications, or are there actual problems that you can't solve because of this restriction. [00:09:13] Mike: Help me understand, what do you mean by restriction? Do you mean just the GVL in general, or the fact that forking processes still costs memory? [00:09:22] Jeremy: I think, well, it would be both, right? So you're, you have two restrictions right now. You have the, the GVL, which means you can't have parallelism within the same process. And then your other option is to spin up a bunch of processes, which you have said is the downside there is that you're using a lot more RAM. [00:09:43] I suppose my question is that Does that actually stop you from doing anything? Like, if you throw more money at the problem, you go like, we're going to have more instances, I'll pay for the RAM, it's fine, can that basically get you out of these situations or are these limitations actually stopping you from, from doing things you could do in other languages? [00:10:04] Mike: Well, you certainly have to manage the multiple processes, right? So you've gotta, you know, if one child process crashes, you've gotta have a parent or supervisor process watching all that and monitoring and restarting the process. I don't think it restricts you. Necessarily, it just, it adds complexity to your deployment. [00:10:24] and, and it's just a question of efficiency, right? Instead of being able to deploy on a, on a one gigabyte droplet, I've got to deploy to a four gigabyte droplet, right? Because I just, I need the RAM to run the eight processes. So it, it, it's more of just a purely a function of how much money am I going to have to throw at this problem. [00:10:45] And what's it going to cost me in operational costs to operate this application in production? When to use other languages? [00:10:53] Jeremy: So during the. Keynote, uh, Matz had mentioned that Rails, is really suitable as this one person framework, like you can have a very small team or maybe even yourself and, and build this product. And so I guess from... Your perspective, once you cross a certain threshold, is like, what Ruby and what Sidekiq provides not enough, and that's why you need to start looking into other languages? [00:11:24] Or like, where's the, turning point, or the, if you [00:11:29] Mike: Right, right. The, it's all about the problem you're trying to solve, right? At the end of the day, uh, the, the question is just what are we trying to solve and how are we trying to solve it? So at a higher level, you got to think about the architecture. if the problem you're trying to solve, if the service you're trying to build, if the app you're trying to operate. [00:11:51] If that doesn't really fall into the traditional Ruby application architecture, then you, you might look at it in another language or another ecosystem. something like Go, for instance, can compile down to a single binary, which makes deployment really easy. It makes shipping up a product. on to a user's machine, much simpler than deploying a Ruby application onto a user's desktop machine, for instance, right? [00:12:22] Um, Ruby does have this, this problem of how do you package everything together and deploy it somewhere? Whereas Go, when you can just compile to a single binary, now you've just got a single thing. And it's just... Drop it on the file system and execute it. It's easy. So, um, different, different ecosystems have different application architectures, which empower different ways of solving the same problems. [00:12:48] But, you know, Rails as a, as a one man framework, or sorry, one person framework, It, it, I don't, I don't necessarily, that's a, that's sort of a catchy marketing slogan, but I just think of Rails as the most productive framework you can use. So you, as a single person, you can maximize what you ship and the, the, the value that you can create because Rails is so productive. [00:13:13] Jeremy: So it, seems like it's maybe the, the domain or the type of application you're making. Like you mentioned the command line application, because you want to be able to deliver it to your user easily. Just give them a binary, something like Go or perhaps Rust makes a lot more sense. and then I could see people saying that if you're doing something with machine learning, like the community behind Python, it's, they're just, they're all there. [00:13:41] So Room for more domains in Ruby [00:13:41] Mike: That was exactly the example I was going to use also. Yeah, if you're doing something with data or AI, Python is going to be a more, a more traditional, natural choice. that doesn't mean Ruby can't do it. That doesn't mean, you wouldn't be able to solve the problem with Ruby. And, and there's, that just also means that there's more space for someone who wants to come in and make an impact in the Ruby community. [00:14:03] Find a problem that Ruby's not really well suited to solving right now and build the tooling out there to, to try and solve it. You know, I, I saw a talk, from the fellow who makes the Glimmer gem, which is a native UI toolkit. Uh, a gem for building native UIs in Ruby, which Ruby traditionally can't do, but he's, he's done an amazing job at sort of surfacing APIs to build these, um, these native, uh, native applications, which I think is great. [00:14:32] It's awesome. It's, it's so invigorating to see Ruby in a new space like that. Um, I talked to someone else who's doing the Polars gem, which is focused on data processing. So it kind of takes, um, Python and Pandas and brings that to Ruby, which is, is awesome because if you're a Ruby developer, now you've got all these additional tools which can allow you to solve new sets of problems out there. [00:14:57] So that's, that's kind of what's exciting in the Ruby community right now is just bring it into new spaces. Faktory [00:15:03] Jeremy: In addition to Sidekiq, you have, uh, another product called Faktory, I believe. And so does that serve a, a similar purpose? Is that another job scheduling, job queueing system? [00:15:16] Mike: It is, yes. And it's, it's, it's similar in a way to Sidekiq. It looks similar. It's got similar concepts at the core of it. At the end of the day, Sidekiq is limited to Ruby. Because Sidekiq executes in a Ruby VM, it executes the jobs, and the jobs are, have to be written in Ruby because you're running in the Ruby VM. [00:15:38] Faktory was my attempt to bring, Sidekiq functionality to every other language. I wanted, I wanted Sidekiq for JavaScript. I wanted Sidekiq for Go. I wanted Sidekiq for Python because A, a lot of these other languages also could use a system, a background job system. And the problem though is that. [00:16:04] As a single man, I can't port Sidekiq to every other language. I don't know all the languages, right? So, Faktory kind of changes the architecture and, um, allows you to execute jobs in any language. it, it replaces Redis and provides a server where you just fetch jobs, and you can use it from it. [00:16:26] You can use that protocol from any language to, to build your own worker processes that execute jobs in whatever language you want. [00:16:35] Jeremy: When you say it replaces Redis, so it doesn't use Redis, um, internally, it has its own. [00:16:41] Mike: It does use Redis under the covers. Yeah, it starts Redis as a child process and, connects to it over a Unix socket. And so it's really stable. It's really fast. from the outside, the, the worker processes, they just talk to Faktory. They don't know anything about Redis at all. [00:16:59] Jeremy: I see. And for someone who, like we mentioned earlier in the Python community, for example, there is, um, Celery. For someone who is using a task scheduler like that, what's the incentive to switch or use something different? [00:17:17] Mike: Well, I, I always say if you're using something right now, I'm not going to try and convince you to switch necessarily. It's when you have pain that you want to switch and move away. Maybe you have Maybe there's capabilities in the newer system that you really need that the old system doesn't provide, but Celery is such a widely known system that I'm not necessarily going to try and convince people to move away from it, but if people are looking for a new system, one of the things that Celery does that Faktory does not do is Celery provides like data adapters for using store, lots of different storage systems, right? [00:17:55] Faktory doesn't do that. Faktory is more, has more of the Rails mantra of, you know, Omakase where we choose, I choose to use Redis and that's it. You don't, you don't have a choice for what to use because who cares, you know, at the end of the day, let Faktory deal with it. it's, it's not something that, You should even necessarily be concerned about it. [00:18:17] Just, just try Faktory out and see how it works for you. Um, so I, I try to take those operational concerns off the table and just have the user focus on, you know, usability, performance, and that sort of thing. but it is, it's, it's another background job system out there for people to try out and see if they like that. [00:18:36] And, and if they want to, um, if they know Celery and they want to use Celery, more power to Faktory them. Sidekiq (Ruby) or Faktory (Polyglot) [00:18:43] Jeremy: And Sidekiq and Faktory, they serve a very similar purpose. For someone who they have a new project, they haven't chosen a job. scheduling system, if they were using Ruby, would it ever make sense for them to use Faktory versus use Sidekiq? [00:19:05] Mike: Uh Faktory is excellent in a polyglot situation. So if you're using multiple languages, if you're creating jobs in Ruby, but you're executing them in Python, for instance, um, you know, if you've, I have people who are, Creating jobs in PHP and executing them in Python, for instance. That kind of polyglot scenario, Sidekiq can't do that at all. [00:19:31] So, Faktory is useful there. In terms of Ruby, Ruby is just another language to Faktory. So, there is a Ruby API for using Faktory, and you can create and execute Ruby jobs with Faktory. But, you'll find that in the Ruby community, Sidekiq is much widely... much more widely used and understood and known. So if you're just using Ruby, I think, I think Sidekiq is the right choice. [00:19:59] I wouldn't look at Faktory. But if you do need, find yourself needing that polyglot tool, then Faktory is there. Temporal [00:20:07] Jeremy: And this is maybe one, maybe one layer of abstraction higher, but there's a product called Temporal that has some of this job scheduling, but also this workflow component. I wonder if you've tried that out and how you think about that product? [00:20:25] Mike: I've heard of them. I don't know a lot about the product. I do have a workflow API, the Sidekiq batches, which allow you to fan out jobs and then, and then execute callbacks when all the jobs in that, in that batch are done. But I don't, provide sort of a, a high level. Graphical Workflow Editor or anything like that. [00:20:50] Those to me are more marketing tools that you use to sell the tool for six figures. And I don't think they're usable. And I don't think they're actually used day to day. I provide an API for developers to use. And developers don't like moving blocks of code around in a GUI. They want to write code. And, um, so yeah, temporal, I, like I said, I don't know much about them. [00:21:19] I also, are they a venture capital backed startup? [00:21:22] Jeremy: They are, is my understanding, [00:21:24] Mike: Yeah, that, uh, any, any sort of venture capital backed startup, um, who's building technical infrastructure. I, I would look long and hard at, I'm, I think open source is the right core to build on. Of course I sell commercial software, but. I'm bootstrapped. I'm profitable. [00:21:46] I'm going to be around forever. A VC backed startup, they tend to go bankrupt, because they either get big or they go out of business. So that would be my only comment is, is, be a little bit leery about relying on commercial venture capital based infrastructure for, for companies, uh, long term. Getting people to pay for Sidekiq [00:22:05] Jeremy: So I think that's a really interesting part about your business is that I think a lot of open source maintainers have a really big challenge figuring out how to make it as a living. The, there are so many projects that they all have a very permissive license and you can use them freely one example I can think of is, I, I talked with, uh, David Kramer, who's the CTO at Sentry, and he, I don't think they use it anymore, but they, they were using Nginx, right? [00:22:39] And he's like, well, Nginx, they have a paid product, like Nginx. Plus that or something. I don't know what the name is, but he was like, but I'm not going to pay for it. Right. I'm just going to use the free one. Why would I, you know, pay for the, um, the paid thing? So I, I, I'm kind of curious from your perspective when you were coming up with Sidekiq both as an open source product, but also as a commercial one, how did you make that determination of like to make a product where it's going to be useful in its open source form? [00:23:15] I can still convince people to pay money for it. [00:23:19] Mike: Yeah, the, I was terrified, to be blunt, when I first started out. when I started the Sidekiq project, I knew it was going to take a lot of time. I knew if it was successful, I was going to be doing it for the next decade. Right? So I started in 2012, and here I am in 2023, over a decade, and I'm still doing it. [00:23:38] So my expectation was met in that regard. And I knew I was not going to be able to last that long. If I was making zero dollars, right? You just, you burn out. Nobody can last that long. Well, I guess there are a few exceptions to that rule, but yeah, money, I tend to think makes things a little more sustainable for sure. [00:23:58] Especially if you can turn it into a full time job solving and supporting a project that you, you love and, and is, is, you know, your, your, your baby, your child, so to speak, your software, uh, uh, creation that you've given to the world. but I was terrified. but one thing I did was at the time I was blogging a lot. [00:24:22] And so I was telling people about Sidekiq. I was telling people what was to come. I was talking about ideas and. The one thing that I blogged about was financial experiments. I said bluntly to the, to, to the Ruby community, I'm going to be experimenting with financial stability and sustainability with this project. [00:24:42] So not only did I create this open source project, but I was also publicly saying I I need to figure out how to make this work for the next decade. And so eventually that led to Sidekiq Pro. And I had to figure out how to build a closed source Ruby gem, which, uh, There's not a lot of, so I was kind of in the wild there. [00:25:11] But, you know, thankfully all the pieces came together and it was actually possible. I couldn't have done it if it wasn't possible. Like, we would not be talking if I couldn't make a private gem. So, um, but it happened to work out. Uh, and it allowed me to, to gate features behind a paywall effectively. And, and yeah, you're right. [00:25:33] It can be tough to make people pay for software. but I'm a developer who's selling to other developers, not, not just developers, open source developers, and they know that they have this financial problem, right? They know that there's this sustainability problem. And I was blunt in saying, this is my solution to my sustainability. [00:25:56] So, I charge what I think is a very fair price. It's only a thousand dollars a year to a hobbyist. That may seem like a lot of money to a business. It's a drop in the bucket. So it was easy for developers to say, Hey, listen, we want to buy this tool for a thousand bucks. It'll ensure our infrastructure is maintained for the next decade. [00:26:18] And it's, and it's. And it's relatively cheap. It's way less than, uh, you know, a salary or even a laptop. So, so that's, that's what I did. And, um, it's, it worked out great. People, people really understood. Even today, I talk to people and they say, we, we signed up for Sidekiq Pro to support you. So it's, it's, it's really, um, invigorating to hear people, uh, thank me and, and they're, they're actively happy that they're paying me and our customers. [00:26:49] Jeremy: it's sort of, uh, maybe a not super common story, right, in terms of what you went through. Because when I think of open core businesses, I think of companies like, uh, GitLab, which are venture funded, uh, very different scenario there. I wonder, like, in your case, so you started in 2012, and there were probably no venture backed competitors, right? [00:27:19] People saying that we're going to make this job scheduling system and some VC is going to give me five million dollars and build a team to work on this. It was probably at the time, maybe it was Rescue, which was... [00:27:35] Mike: There was a venture backed system called IronMQ, [00:27:40] Jeremy: Hmm. [00:27:41] Mike: And I'm not sure if they're still around or not, but they... They took, uh, one or more funding rounds. I'm not sure exactly, but they were VC backed. They were doing, background jobs, scheduled jobs, uh, you know, running container, running container jobs. They, they eventually, I think, wound up sort of settling on Docker containers. [00:28:06] They'll basically spin up a Docker container. And that container can do whatever it wants. It can execute for a second and then shut down, or it can run for, for however long, but they would, um, yeah, I, yeah, I'll, I'll stop there because I don't know the actual details of exactly their system, but I'm not sure if they're still around, but that's the only one that I remember offhand that was around, you know, years ago. [00:28:32] Yeah, it's, it's mostly, you know, low level open source infrastructure. And so, anytime you have funded startups, they're generally using that open source infrastructure to build their own SaaS. And so SaaS's are the vast majority of where you see sort of, uh, commercial software. [00:28:51] Jeremy: so I guess in that way it, it, it gave you this, this window or this area where you could come in and there wasn't, other than that iron, product, there wasn't this big money that you were fighting against. It was sort of, it was you telling people openly, I'm, I'm working on this thing. [00:29:11] I need to make money so that I can sustain it. And, if you, yeah. like the work I do, then, you know, basically support me. Right. And, and so I think that, I'm wondering how we can reproduce that more often because when you see new products, a lot of times it is VC backed, right? [00:29:35] Because people say, I need to work on this. I need to be paid. and I can't ask a team to do this. For nothing, right? So [00:29:44] Mike: Yeah. It's. It's a wicked problem. Uh, it's a really, really hard problem to solve if you take vc you there, that that really kind of means that you need to be making tens if not hundreds of millions of dollars in sales. If you are building a small or relatively small. You know, put small in quotes there because I don't really know what that means, but if you have a small open source project, you can't charge huge amounts for it, right? [00:30:18] I mean, Sidekiq is a, I would call a medium sized open source project, and I'm charging a thousand bucks for it. So if you're building, you know, I don't know, I don't even want to necessarily give example, but if you're building some open source project, and It's one of 300 libraries that people's applications will depend on. [00:30:40] You can't necessarily charge a thousand dollars for that library. depending on the size and the capabilities, maybe you can, maybe you can't. But there's going to be a long tail of open source projects that just, they can't, they can't charge much, if anything, for them. So, unfortunately, we have, you know, these You kind of have two pathways. [00:31:07] Venture capital, where you've got to sell a ton, or free. And I've kind of walked that fine line where I'm a small business, I can charge a small amount because I'm bootstrapped. And, and I don't need huge amounts of money, and I, and I have a project that is of the right size to where I can charge a decent amount of money. [00:31:32] That means that I can survive with 500 or a thousand customers. I don't need to have a hundred million dollars worth of customers. Because I, you know, when I started the business, one of the constraints I said is I don't want to hire anybody. I'm just going to be solo. And part of the, part of my ability to keep a low price and, and keep running sustainably, even with just You know, only a few hundred customers is because I'm solo. [00:32:03] I don't have the overhead of investors. I don't have the overhead of other employees. I don't have an office space. You know, my overhead is very small. So that is, um, you know, I just kind of have a unique business in that way, I guess you might say. Keeping the business solo [00:32:21] Jeremy: I think that's that's interesting about your business as well But the fact that you've kept it you've kept it solo which I would imagine in most businesses, they need support people. they need, developers outside of maybe just one. Um, there's all sorts of other, I don't think overhead is the right word, but you just need more people, right? [00:32:45] And, and what do you think it is about Sidekiq that's made it possible for it to just be a one person operation? [00:32:52] Mike: There's so much administrative overhead in a business. I explicitly create business policies so that I can run solo. you know, my support policy is officially you get one email ticket or issue per quarter. And, and anything more than that, I can bounce back and say, well, you're, you're requiring too much support. [00:33:23] In reality, I don't enforce that at all. And people email me all the time, but, but things like. Things like dealing with accounting and bookkeeping and taxes and legal stuff, licensing, all that is, yeah, a little bit of overhead, but I've kept it as minimal as I can. And part of that is I don't want to hire another employee because then that increases the administrative overhead that I have. [00:33:53] And Sidekiq is so tied to me and my knowledge that if I hire somebody, they're probably not going to know Ruby and threading and all the intricate technical detail necessary to build and maintain and support the system. And so really you'll kind of regress a little bit. We won't be able to give as good support because I'm busy helping that other employee. Being selective about customers [00:34:23] Mike: So, yeah, it's, it's a tightrope act where you've got to really figure out how can I scale myself as far as possible without overwhelming myself. The, the overwhelming thing that I have that I've never been able to solve. It's just dealing with billing inquiries, customers, companies, emailing me saying, how do we buy this thing? [00:34:46] Can I get an invoice? Every company out there, it seems wants an invoice. And the problem with invoicing is it takes a lot more. manual labor and administrative overhead to issue that invoice to collect payment on the invoice. So that's one of the reasons why I have a very strict policy about credit card only for, for the vast majority of my customers. [00:35:11] And I demand that companies pay a lot more. You have to have a pretty big enterprise license if you want an invoice. And if the company, if the company comes back and complains and says, well, you know, that's ridiculous. We don't, we don't want to pay that much. We don't need it that much. Uh, you know, I, I say, okay, well then you have two, two things, two, uh, two things. [00:35:36] You can either pay with a credit card or you can not use Sidekiq. Like, that's, that's it. I'm, I don't need your money. I don't want the administrative overhead of dealing with your accounting department. I just want to support my, my customers and build my software. And, and so, yeah, I don't want to turn into a billing clerk. [00:35:55] So sometimes, sometimes the, the, the best thing in business that you can do is just say no. [00:36:01] Jeremy: That's very interesting because I think being a solo... Person is what probably makes that possible, right? Because if you had the additional staff, then you might say like, Well, I need to pay my staff, so we should be getting, you know, as much business as [00:36:19] Mike: Yeah. Chasing every customer you can, right. But yeah. [00:36:22] Every customer is different. I mean, I have some customers that just, they never contact me. They pay their bill really fast or right on time. And they're paying me, you know, five figures, 20, a year. And they just, it's a, God bless them because those are, are the. [00:36:40] Best customers to have and the worst customers are the ones who are paying 99 bucks a month and everything that they don't understand or whatever is a complaint. So sometimes, sometimes you, you want to, vet your customers from that perspective and say, which one of these customers are going to be good? [00:36:58] Which ones are going to be problematic? [00:37:01] Jeremy: And you're only only person... And I'm not sure how many customers you have, but [00:37:08] Mike: I have 2000 [00:37:09] Jeremy: 2000 customers. [00:37:10] Okay. [00:37:11] Mike: Yeah. [00:37:11] Jeremy: And has that been relatively stable or has there been growth [00:37:16] Mike: It's been relatively stable the last couple of years. Ruby has, has sort of plateaued. Um, it's, you don't see a lot of growth. I'm getting probably, um, 15, 20 percent growth maybe. Uh, so I'm not growing like a weed, like, you know, venture capital would want to see, but steady incremental growth is, is, uh, wonderful, especially since I do very little. [00:37:42] Sales and marketing. you know, I come to RubyConf I, I I tweet out, you know, or I, I toot out funny Mastodon Toots occasionally and, and, um, and, and put out new releases of the software. And, and that's, that's essentially my, my marketing. My marketing is just staying in front of developers and, and, and being a presence in the Ruby community. [00:38:06] But yeah, it, it's, uh. I, I, I see not a, not a huge amount of churn, but I see enough sales to, to, to stay up and keep my head above water and to keep growing, um, slowly but surely. Support needs haven't grown [00:38:20] Jeremy: And as you've had that steady growth, has the support burden not grown with it? [00:38:27] Mike: Not as much because once customers are on Sidekiq and they've got it working, then by and large, you don't hear from them all that much. There's always GitHub issues, you know, customers open GitHub issues. I love that. but yeah, by and large, the community finds bugs. and opens up issues. And so things remain relatively stable. [00:38:51] I don't get a lot of the complete newbie who has no idea what they're doing and wants me to, to tell them how to use Sidekiq that I just don't see much of that at all. Um, I have seen it before, but in that case, generally, I, I, I politely tell that person that, listen, I'm not here to educate you on the product. [00:39:14] It's there's documentation in the wiki. Uh, and there's tons of, of more Ruby, generic Ruby, uh, educational material out there. That's just not, not what I do. So, so yeah, by and large, the support burden is, is not too bad because once people are, are up and running, it's stable and, and they don't, they don't need to contact me. [00:39:36] Jeremy: I wonder too, if that's perhaps a function of the price, because if you're a. new developer or someone who's not too familiar with how to do job processing or what they want to do when you, there is the open source product, of course. but then the next step up, I believe is about a hundred dollars a month. [00:39:58] And if you're somebody who is kind of just getting started and learning how things work, you're probably not going to pay that, is my guess. And so you'll never hear from them. [00:40:11] Mike: Right, yeah, that's a good point too, is the open source version, which is what people inevitably are going to use and integrate into their app at first. Because it's open source, you're not going to email me directly, um, and when people do email me directly, Sidekiq support questions, I do, I reply literally, I'm sorry I don't respond to private email, unless you're a customer. [00:40:35] Please open a GitHub issue and, um, that I try to educate both my open source users and my commercial customers to try and stay in GitHub issues because private email is a silo, right? Private email doesn't help anybody else but them. If I can get people to go into GitHub issues, then that's a public record. [00:40:58] that people can search. Because if one person has that problem, there's probably a dozen other people that have that same problem. And then that other, those other 11 people can search and find the solution to their problem at four in the morning when I'm asleep. Right? So that's, that's what I'm trying to do is, is keep, uh, keep everything out in the open so that people can self service as much as possible. Sidekiq open source [00:41:24] Jeremy: And on the open source side, are you still primarily the main contributor? Or do you have other people that are [00:41:35] Mike: I mean, I'd say I do 90 percent of the work, which is why I don't feel guilty about keeping 100 percent of the money. A lot of open source projects, when they look for financial sustainability, they also look for how can we split this money amongst the team. And that's, that's a completely different topic that I've. [00:41:55] is another reason why I've stayed solo is if I hire an employee and I pay them 200, 000 a year as a developer, I'm meanwhile keeping all the rest of the profits of the company. And so that almost seems a little bit unfair. because we're both still working 40 hours a week, right? Why am I the one making the vast majority of the, of the profit and the money? [00:42:19] Um, so, uh, I've always, uh, that's another reason why I've stayed solo, but, but yeah, having a team of people working on something, I do get, regular commits, regular pull requests from people, fixing a bug that they found or just making a tweak that. that they saw, that they thought they could improve. [00:42:42] A little more rarely I get a significant improvement or feature, as a pull request. but Sidekiq is so stable these days that it really doesn't need a team of people maintaining it. The volume of changes necessary, I can easily keep up with that. So, I'm still doing 90 95 percent of the work. Are there other Sidekiq-like opportunities out there? [00:43:07] Jeremy: Yeah, so I think Sidekiq has sort of a unique positioning where it's the code base itself is small enough where you can maintain it yourself and you have some help, but primarily you're the main maintainer. And then you have enough customers who are willing to, to pay for the benefit it gives them on top of what the open source product provides. [00:43:36] cause it's, it's, you were talking about how. Every project people work on, they have, they could have hundreds of dependencies, right? And to ask somebody to, to pay for each of them is, is probably not ever going to happen. And so it's interesting to think about how you have things like, say, you know, OpenSSL, you know, it's a library that a whole bunch of people rely on, but nobody is going to pay a monthly fee to use it. [00:44:06] You have things like, uh, recently there was HashiCorp with Terraform, right? They, they decided to change their license because they, they wanted to get, you know, some of that value back, some of the money back, and the community basically revolted. Right? And did a fork. And so I'm kind of curious, like, yeah, where people can find these sweet spots like, like Sidekiq, where they can find this space where it's just small enough where you can work on it on your own and still get people to pay for it. [00:44:43] It's, I'm trying to picture, like, where are the spaces? Open source as a public utility [00:44:48] Mike: We need to look at other forms of financing beyond pure capitalism. If this is truly public infrastructure that needs to be maintained for the long term, then why are we, why is it that we depend on capitalism to do that? Our roads, our water, our sewer, those are not Capitalist, right? Those are utilities, that's public infrastructure that we maintain, that the government helps us maintain. [00:45:27] And in a sense, tech infrastructure is similar or could be thought of in a similar fashion. So things like Open Collective, things like, uh, there's a, there's a organization in Europe called NLNet, I think, out of the Netherlands. And they do a lot of grants to various open source projects to help them improve the state of digital infrastructure. [00:45:57] They support, for instance, Mastodon as a open source project that doesn't have any sort of corporate backing. They see that as necessary social media infrastructure, uh, for the long term. And, and I, and I think that's wonderful. I like to see those new directions being explored where you don't have to turn everything into a product, right? [00:46:27] And, and try and market and sale, um, and, and run ads and, and do all this stuff. If you can just make the case that, hey, this is, this is useful public infrastructure that so many different, um, Technical, uh, you know, applications and businesses could rely on, much like FedEx and DHL use our roads to the benefit of their own, their own corporate profits. [00:46:53] Um, why, why, why shouldn't we think of tech infrastructure sort of in a similar way? So, yeah, I would like to see us explore more. in that direction. I understand that in America that may not happen for quite a while because we are very, capitalist focused, but it's encouraging to see, um, places like Europe, uh, a little more open to, to trialing things like, cooperatives and, and grants and large long term grants to, to projects to see if they can, uh, provide sustainability in, in, you know, in a new way. [00:47:29] Jeremy: Yeah, that's a good point because I think right now, a lot of the open source infrastructure that we all rely on, either it's being paid for by large companies and at the whim of those large companies, if Google decides we don't want to pay for you to work on this project anymore, where does the money come from? [00:47:53] Right? And on the other hand, there's the thousands, tens of thousands of people who are doing it. just for free out of the, you know, the goodness of their, their heart. And that's where a lot of the burnout comes from. Right. So I think what you're saying is that perhaps a lot of these pieces that we all rely on, that our, our governments, you know, here in the United States, but also around the world should perhaps recognize as this is, like you said, this is infrastructure, and we should be. [00:48:29] Paying these people to keep the equivalent of the roads and, and, uh, all that working. [00:48:37] Mike: Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I'm not claiming that it's a perfect analogy. There's, there's, there's lots of questions that are unanswered in that, right? How do you, how do you ensure that a project is well maintained? What does that even look like? What does that mean? you know, you can look at a road and say, is it full of potholes or is it smooth as glass, right? [00:48:59] It's just perfectly obvious, but to a, to a digital project, it's, it's not as clear. So, yeah, but, but, but exploring those new ways because turning everybody into a businessman so that they can, they can keep their project going, it, it, it itself is not sustainable, right? so yeah, and that's why everything turns into a SaaS because a SaaS is easy to control. [00:49:24] It's easy to gatekeep behind a paywall and it's easy to charge for, whereas a library on GitHub. Yeah. You know, what do you do there? You know, obviously GitHub has sponsors, the sponsors feature. You've got Patreon, you've got Open Collective, you've got Tidelift. There's, there's other, you know, experiments that have been run, but nothing has risen to the top yet. [00:49:47] and it's still, it's still a bit of a grind. but yeah, we'll see, we'll see what happens, but hopefully people will keep experimenting and, and maybe, maybe governments will start. Thinking in the direction of, you know, what does it mean to have a budget for digital infrastructure maintenance? [00:50:04] Jeremy: Yeah, it's interesting because we, we started thinking about like, okay, where can we find spaces for other Sidekiqs? But it sounds like maybe, maybe that's just not realistic, right? Like maybe we need more of a... Yeah, a rethinking of, I guess the, the structure of how people get funded. Yeah. [00:50:23] Mike: Yeah, sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to think at a higher level. You know, we, the, the sustainability problem in American Silicon Valley based open source developers is naturally going to tend toward venture capital and, and capitalism. And I, you know, I think, I think that's, uh, extremely problematic on a, on a lot of different, in a lot of different ways. [00:50:47] And, and so sometimes you need to step back and say, well, maybe we're, maybe we just don't have the right tool set to solve this problem. But, you know, I, I. More than that, I'm not going to speculate on because it is a wicked problem to solve. [00:51:04] Jeremy: Is there anything else you wanted to, to mention or thought we should have talked about? [00:51:08] Mike: No, I, I, I loved the talk, of sustainability and, and open source. And I, it's, it's a, it's a topic really dear to my heart, obviously. So I, I am happy to talk about it at length with anybody, anytime. So thank you for having me. [00:51:25] Jeremy: All right. Thank you very much, Mike.

There's a massive difference between how something feels versus the actual reality. We're talking about vibes as opposed to empirical evidence. And that's why we're happy to talk with Dr. Jean Twenge who is a professor of psychology over at San Diego State University. She has researched the personal finances of the different aged cohorts and few experts have addressed the topic of generational change as well as she has. Dr. Twenge has written multiple books on the defining characteristics of specific generations- she did that in her book iGen where she focused on Gen Z, and her latest book, Generations, covers the oldest Silent Generation to the youngest Polars. And an article that she wrote in the Atlantic really caught our eye, because not only did she write about our generation, but she spoke directly to the wealth accumulation of Millennials which of course we found particularly fascinating. Today we discuss generational stereotypes, the impact of individualism and technology on wealth, some of the bigger financial obstacles we face today that our parents didn't have, the ‘slow life strategy' and what that means for Gen Z, plus much more!   Want more How To Money in your life? Here are some additional ways to get ahead with your personal finances: Knowing your ‘money gear' is a crucial part of your personal finance journey. Start here.  Sign up for the weekly HTM newsletter. It's fun, free, & practical. Join a thriving community of fellow money in the HTM Facebook group. Find the best credit card for you with our new credit card tool! Massively reduce your cell phone bill each month by switching to a discount provider like Mint Mobile.   During this episode we enjoyed an Icelandic Arctic Pale Ale by Einstok Olgerd! And please help us to spread the word by letting friends and family know about How to Money! Hit the share button, subscribe if you're not already a regular listener, and give us a quick review in Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Help us to change the conversation around personal finance and get more people doing smart things with their money!   Best friends out!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

durée : 00:36:40 - Le 18/20 · Un jour dans le monde - La première ministre islandaise est aussi romancière à ses temps perdus. Katrín Jakobsdóttir publie son premier polar « Reykjavik » co-écrit avec Ragnar Jónasson , une ôde à l'Islande des années 80.

durée : 00:36:40 - Le 18/20 · Un jour dans le monde - La première ministre islandaise est aussi romancière à ses temps perdus. Katrín Jakobsdóttir publie son premier polar « Reykjavik » co-écrit avec Ragnar Jónasson , une ôde à l'Islande des années 80.

San Diego State University psychology professor Jean Twenge discusses her book "Generations," about the differences between the six generations – The Silents, Baby Boomers, Gen. X, Millennials, Gen. Y and "The Polars" – currently living in the United States. She argues that technological advances shape generations more than anything else and talks about the impact this will have on the country in the future.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

San Diego State University psychology professor Jean Twenge discusses her book "Generations," about the differences between the six generations – The Silents, Baby Boomers, Gen. X, Millennials, Gen. Y and "The Polars" – currently living in the United States. She argues that technological advances shape generations more than anything else and talks about the impact this will have on the country in the future.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's at the root of the differences between generations? How different are those in the Silent Generation (that's who came after the Greatest Generation) from GenZ and "Polars" (which is the working name of the youngest generation)? Are major historical events like the Great Depression, World War II or, more recently, the Great Recession and COVID 19 the most significant factors in shaping a generation? Or could it be technology? Our guest, Dr. Jean Twenge, says it's the latter. In particular, Dr. Twenge asserts that it's technology's "daughters," the slow life strategy and individualism that have evolved over the course of the six generations she covers in her latest book, GENERATIONS. And that's just scratching the surface!   JEAN TWENGE, PHD, is a professor of psychology at San Diego State University and has written extensively on generational change, including many scientific papers and several books including her most recent one titled Generations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents—and What They Mean for America's Future. Dr. Twenge's work on generational differences and technology is based on a dataset of 39 million people. Her research has been covered in Time, Newsweek, The New York Times, USA Today, U.S. News and World Report, and The Washington Post, and she has been featured on Today, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Fox and Friends, NBC Nightly News, Dateline NBC, and National Public Radio.   Talkin' Politics & Religion Without Killin' Each Other is part of The Democracy Group, a network of podcasts that examines what's broken in our democracy and how we can work together to fix it.   www.democracygroup.org/shows/talkin-politics-religion   www.threads.net/@coreysnathan   www.jeantwenge.com   jeanmtwenge.substack.com   www.jeantwenge.com/generations-book-by-dr-jean-twenge

How a novel blend of automation and the YouTube API formed a new R-Ladies meetup recording dashboard built entirely with R, the momentum of webR continues with a fantastic guide to create a serverless Shiny app, and a new challenger in the world of high-performance data manipulation libraries arrives. Episode Links This week's curator: Jon Calder (@jonmcalder (https://twitter.com/jonmcalder)) (Twitter) Using flexdashboard to create a GitHub Actions-powered YouTube feed (https://ivelasq.rbind.io/blog/automated-youtube-dashboard/) Building Serverless Shiny Apps with webR: A Step-by-Step Guide (https://hypebright.nl/index.php/en/2023/07/25/building-serverless-shiny-apps-with-webr-a-step-by-step-guide/) Cookbook Polars for R (https://github.com/ddotta/cookbook-rpolars) Cookbook to provide solutions to common tasks and problems in using Polars with R. A side-by-side comparison of polars, R base, dplyr, tidyr and data.table packages. Entire issue available at rweekly.org/2023-W32 (https://rweekly.org/2023-W32.html) Supplement Resources Tube Archivist - Your self-hosted YouTube media server https://www.tubearchivist.com webR code extension for HTML Quarto documents https://github.com/coatless/quarto-webr Into the webR-verse (Bob Rudis presentation at the 2023 New York R Conference) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inpwcTUmBDY tidypolars - Provide the functionalities of Polars with the syntax of the Tidyverse https://www.tidypolars.etiennebacher.com Supporting the show Use the contact page at https://rweekly.fireside.fm/contact to send us your feedback R-Weekly Highlights on the Podcastindex.org (https://podcastindex.org/podcast/1062040) - You can send a boost into the show directly in the Podcast Index. First, top-up with Alby (https://getalby.com/), and then head over to the R-Weekly Highlights podcast entry on the index. A new way to think about value: https://value4value.info Get in touch with us on social media Eric Nantz: @theRcast (https://twitter.com/theRcast) (Twitter) and @rpodcast@podcastindex.social (https://podcastindex.social/@rpodcast) (Mastodon) Mike Thomas: @mike_ketchbrook (https://twitter.com/mike_ketchbrook) (Twitter) and @mike_thomas@fosstodon.org (https://fosstodon.org/@mike_thomas) (Mastodon)

Summary Real-time data processing has steadily been gaining adoption due to advances in the accessibility of the technologies involved. Despite that, it is still a complex set of capabilities. To bring streaming data in reach of application engineers Matteo Pelati helped to create Dozer. In this episode he explains how investing in high performance and operationally simplified streaming with a familiar API can yield significant benefits for software and data teams together. Announcements Hello and welcome to the Data Engineering Podcast, the show about modern data management Introducing RudderStack Profiles. RudderStack Profiles takes the SaaS guesswork and SQL grunt work out of building complete customer profiles so you can quickly ship actionable, enriched data to every downstream team. You specify the customer traits, then Profiles runs the joins and computations for you to create complete customer profiles. Get all of the details and try the new product today at dataengineeringpodcast.com/rudderstack (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/rudderstack) Modern data teams are using Hex to 10x their data impact. Hex combines a notebook style UI with an interactive report builder. This allows data teams to both dive deep to find insights and then share their work in an easy-to-read format to the whole org. In Hex you can use SQL, Python, R, and no-code visualization together to explore, transform, and model data. Hex also has AI built directly into the workflow to help you generate, edit, explain and document your code. The best data teams in the world such as the ones at Notion, AngelList, and Anthropic use Hex for ad hoc investigations, creating machine learning models, and building operational dashboards for the rest of their company. Hex makes it easy for data analysts and data scientists to collaborate together and produce work that has an impact. Make your data team unstoppable with Hex. Sign up today at dataengineeringpodcast.com/hex (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/hex) to get a 30-day free trial for your team! Your host is Tobias Macey and today I'm interviewing Matteo Pelati about Dozer, an open source engine that includes data ingestion, transformation, and API generation for real-time sources Interview Introduction How did you get involved in the area of data management? Can you describe what Dozer is and the story behind it? What was your decision process for building Dozer as open source? As you note in the documentation, Dozer has overlap with a number of technologies that are aimed at different use cases. What was missing from each of them and the center of their Venn diagram that prompted you to build Dozer? In addition to working in an interesting technological cross-section, you are also targeting a disparate group of personas. Who are you building Dozer for and what were the motivations for that vision? What are the different use cases that you are focused on supporting? What are the features of Dozer that enable engineers to address those uses, and what makes it preferable to existing alternative approaches? Can you describe how Dozer is implemented? How have the design and goals of the platform changed since you first started working on it? What are the architectural "-ilities" that you are trying to optimize for? What is involved in getting Dozer deployed and integrated into an existing application/data infrastructure? How can teams who are using Dozer extend/integrate with Dozer? What does the development/deployment workflow look like for teams who are building on top of Dozer? What is your governance model for Dozer and balancing the open source project against your business goals? What are the most interesting, innovative, or unexpected ways that you have seen Dozer used? What are the most interesting, unexpected, or challenging lessons that you have learned while working on Dozer? When is Dozer the wrong choice? What do you have planned for the future of Dozer? Contact Info LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/matteopelati/?originalSubdomain=sg) @pelatimtt (https://twitter.com/pelatimtt) on Twitter Parting Question From your perspective, what is the biggest gap in the tooling or technology for data management today? Closing Announcements Thank you for listening! Don't forget to check out our other shows. Podcast.__init__ (https://www.pythonpodcast.com) covers the Python language, its community, and the innovative ways it is being used. The Machine Learning Podcast (https://www.themachinelearningpodcast.com) helps you go from idea to production with machine learning. Visit the site (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com) to subscribe to the show, sign up for the mailing list, and read the show notes. If you've learned something or tried out a project from the show then tell us about it! Email hosts@dataengineeringpodcast.com (mailto:hosts@dataengineeringpodcast.com)) with your story. To help other people find the show please leave a review on Apple Podcasts (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/data-engineering-podcast/id1193040557) and tell your friends and co-workers Links Dozer (https://getdozer.io/) Data Robot (https://www.datarobot.com/) Netflix Bulldozer (https://netflixtechblog.com/bulldozer-batch-data-moving-from-data-warehouse-to-online-key-value-stores-41bac13863f8) CubeJS (http://cube.dev/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/cubejs-open-source-headless-data-analytics-episode-248/) JVM == Java Virtual Machine (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Java_virtual_machine) Flink (https://flink.apache.org/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/apache-flink-with-fabian-hueske-episode-57/) Airbyte (https://airbyte.com/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/airbyte-open-source-data-integration-episode-173/) Fivetran (https://www.fivetran.com/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/fivetran-data-replication-episode-93/) Delta Lake (https://delta.io/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/delta-lake-data-lake-episode-85/) LMDB (http://www.lmdb.tech/doc/) Vector Database (https://thenewstack.io/what-is-a-real-vector-database/) LLM == Large Language Model (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_language_model) Rockset (https://rockset.com/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/rockset-serverless-analytics-episode-101/) Tinybird (https://www.tinybird.co/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/tinybird-analytical-api-platform-episode-185) Rust Language (https://www.rust-lang.org/) Materialize (https://materialize.com/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/materialize-streaming-analytics-episode-112/) RisingWave (https://www.risingwave.com/) DuckDB (https://duckdb.org/) Podcast Episode (https://www.dataengineeringpodcast.com/duckdb-in-process-olap-database-episode-270/) DataFusion (https://docs.rs/datafusion/latest/datafusion/) Polars (https://www.pola.rs/) The intro and outro music is from The Hug (http://freemusicarchive.org/music/The_Freak_Fandango_Orchestra/Love_death_and_a_drunken_monkey/04_-_The_Hug) by The Freak Fandango Orchestra (http://freemusicarchive.org/music/The_Freak_Fandango_Orchestra/) / CC BY-SA (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)

Regardless of which side of Python, software developer or data scientist, you sit on, you surely know that data scientists and software devs seem to have different styles and priorities. But why? And what are the benefits as well as the pitfalls of this separation. That's the topic of conversation with our guest, Dr. Jodie Burchell, data science developer advocate at JetBrains. Links from the show Jodie on Twitter: @t_redactyl Jodie's PyCon Talk: youtube.com Deep Learning with Python book: manning.com Keras: keras.io scikit-learn: scikit-learn.org Matplotlib: matplotlib.org XKCD Matplotlib: matplotlib.org Pandas: pandas.pydata.org Polars: pola.rs Polars on Talk Python: talkpython.fm Jupyter: jupyter.org Ponder: ponder.io Dask: dask.org Explosion AI's Prodigy discount code: get a personal license for 25% off using the discount code TALKPYTHON. Watch this episode on YouTube: youtube.com Episode transcripts: talkpython.fm --- Stay in touch with us --- Subscribe to us on YouTube: youtube.com Follow Talk Python on Mastodon: talkpython Follow Michael on Mastodon: mkennedy Sponsors PyCharm Prodigy Talk Python Training

Watch on YouTube About the show Sponsored by InfluxDB from Influxdata. Connect with the hosts Michael: @mkennedy@fosstodon.org Brian: @brianokken@fosstodon.org Show: @pythonbytes@fosstodon.org Join us on YouTube at pythonbytes.fm/live to be part of the audience. Usually Tuesdays at 11am PT. Older video versions available there too. Brian #1: Python's Missing Batteries: Essential Libraries You're Missing Out On Martin Heinz Fun collection of a bunch of libraries you may not know about (or forgot about), with code examples. Utilities boltons : iterate through json and dates, quickly grab data out of nested structures, and convert nested data with jsonutils, timeutils, and iterutils sh : conveniently call shell funcitons Data Validation validators : validate email addresses, credit cars, IP addresses, and more. the fuzz : fuzzy string comparisons Debugging stackprinter : nice stack traces with exception messages higlighted Testing freezegun : stop time, change dates, … dirty_equals : comparing things that are kinda equal CLI tqdm : add a progress bar to command line apps Michael #2: awesome-polars A curated list of Polars talks, tools, examples & articles. Mostly articles and tutorials however. Brian #3: Running Headless Selenium in Python (2023) Siddiqi First off, if you are doing automated testing with Selenium, I hope you already know about headless. It's awesome and speeds up testing. Next, there's changes to how you code headless, as of Selenium 4.8.0 (Jan. 2023). Old: options.headless` `**=**` `True New: options.add_argument('--headless=new') for Chrome options.add_argument('--headless') for Firefox Reasons: Read Headless is Going Away! post on Selenium blog. Subtitle: “Now that we got your attention, headless is not actually going away, just the convenience method to set it in Selenium” Michael #4: Gracy Gracy helps you handle failures, logging, retries, throttling, and tracking for all your HTTP interactions. Has support for Parsing per status code Throttling Retries Custom validation Record/replay for testing A bit non-pythonic but perhaps inspriation for some out there Extras Michael: Mobile apps are finally out Take the git course for free for a limited time. Michael's blog post announcing the apps Joke: It's practice

San Diego State University psychology professor Jean Twenge discusses her book "Generations," about the differences between the six generations – The Silents, Baby Boomers, Gen. X, Millennials, Gen. Y and "The Polars" – currently living in the United States. She argues that technological advances shape generations more than anything else and talks about the impact this will have on the country in the future.     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Xavier Bonilla has a dialogue with Jean Twenge about the current generations in our society. They discuss how we define generations and why its important, technological changes being central to generational changes, and the ranges of generations. They talk about upcoming trends for Polars/alphas, Gen Z and the connection between increased mental health with increased social media use, and the changing social, economic, and educational dynamics with Millennials. They discuss Gen X as the middle child of generations and their emphasis on toughness, Boomers centrality and the ripple effects of the deaths of despair. They talk about the bipartisan nature of Silents, future generations, and many more topics. Jean Twenge is a social psychologist and professor of psychology at San Diego State University. She is an expert on generational differences and technology from a dataset of 39 million people. She is the author of over 180 scientific publications and books which include Generation Me, iGen, and her latest book, Generations. Website: http://www.jeantwenge.com/Twitter: @jean_twenge This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit convergingdialogues.substack.com

When you think about processing tabular data in Python, what library comes to mind? Pandas, I'd guess. But there are other libraries out there and Polars is one of the more exciting new ones. It's built in Rust, embraces parallelism, and can be 10-20x faster than Pandas out of the box. We have Polars' creator, Ritchie Vink here to give us a look at this exciting new data frame library. Links from the show Ritchie on Mastodon: @ritchie46@fosstodon.org Ritchie on Twitter: @RitchieVink Ritchie's website: ritchievink.com Polars: pola.rs Apache Arrow: arrow.apache.org Polars Benchmarks: pola.rs Coming from Pandas Guide: github.io Watch this episode on YouTube: youtube.com --- Stay in touch with us --- Subscribe to us on YouTube: youtube.com Follow Talk Python on Mastodon: talkpython Follow Michael on Mastodon: mkennedy Sponsors Taipy User Interviews Talk Python Training

When you think about processing tabular data in Python, what library comes to mind? Pandas, I'd guess. But there are other libraries out there and Polars is one of the more exciting new ones. It's built in Rust, embraces parallelism, and can be 10-20x faster than Pandas out of the box. We have Polars' creator, Ritchie Vink here to give us a look at this exciting new data frame library. Links from the show Ritchie on Mastodon: @ritchie46@fosstodon.org Ritchie on Twitter: @RitchieVink Ritchie's website: ritchievink.com Polars: pola.rs Apache Arrow: arrow.apache.org Polars Benchmarks: pola.rs Coming from Pandas Guide: github.io Watch this episode on YouTube: youtube.com Episode transcripts: talkpython.fm --- Stay in touch with us --- Subscribe to us on YouTube: youtube.com Follow Talk Python on Mastodon: talkpython Follow Michael on Mastodon: mkennedy Sponsors Taipy User Interviews Talk Python Training

How can you get more performance from your existing data science infrastructure? What if a DataFrame library could take advantage of your machine's available cores and provide built-in methods for handling larger-than-RAM datasets? This week on the show, Liam Brannigan is here to discuss Polars.