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Cabin Cousins: Part 5 The Gales of November. Based on a post by NewMountain80, in 6 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Connections. "Hmm" Melissa said, her face still buried in the pillow. She shifted and turned her head, and I moved to her side with one arm and a leg still draped over so we could look into each other's eyes. "Wow. That was..." She sighed. "...Wonderful." I smiled and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did." She squinted at me. "Are you sure I'm not dreaming, and you're just a figment of my imagination?" She said playfully, though I could tell there was something serious behind the question. "I'm real, and I'm right here, in your bed, and I love you." She searched my eyes for a moment, rolled onto her side, and pulled me in close, kissing me deeply. When we stopped kissing to catch our breath, she whispered. "It's our bed, and I love you too." We held each other in silence for a long while. I knew that she had something else to say, but I didn't push her. Eventually, she broke the silence. "Do you want pancakes? I want pancakes." Not exactly the soul-baring statement I was expecting, but now that she had said it, by damn I wanted pancakes. "I'll help." I had made pancakes exactly once before, and it wasn't a complete disaster, so I felt that my inclusion in the process wouldn't be too much of a hindrance. She got a distant look in her eye, then rolled onto her back, and covered her face with her hands with a groan. "I don't have any pancake mix." She peeked at me through her fingers and we both started laughing. I'm not sure why but we both found it hilarious but we roared with laughter. I playfully pushed her towards the side of the bed. "Well, get dressed. I'll take you out for breakfast." Still laughing, she got up and opened a dresser drawer. Stepping into a pair of light blue panties, she asked. "Are you getting dressed too, or are you going to go like that?" "I'm thinking about it." I quipped, eyes following her every movement. I loved watching her move. She had a litheness and grace to her. Cat-like? No, that's not quite right. Amazonian? Maybe, but that implies a stature and bulk that Melissa didn't have. She was fit, not body builder muscular, and she wasn't particularly tall, just shy of my own five foot ten. She was perfect, and my eyes couldn't get enough of her. Let's leave it at that. "You'll give the old ladies at Perkins quite a shock." She shot back, still laughing. With an exaggerated sigh, I rolled off the bed. "For the sake of the old ladies, fine, I'll get dressed." Chapter Sixteen. The plate clinked as Melissa set down her fork. "Ugh. I ate too much, but that really hit the spot." She had attacked her "tremendous twelve" meal with murderous intent. All that remained was a scrap of crust from a piece of toast, and some maple syrup residue on an otherwise clean plate. She had even swiped a strip of bacon off of my plate, an act that left fork marks on my brother's hands on several occasions. I looked at my plate, with its pile of hash browns and a third of a stack of pancakes remaining, and set down my fork. "I guess I didn't work up as much of an appetite as you, cause I'm stuffed too." Melissa looked at me with her special smile and mischievous eyes. "Well, you'll have to try harder next time." "I need to work out more." "I can help with that." She replied, and we both giggled, knowing the truth of it. "Let's start with a walk." We left the Perkins restaurant, and with Melissa navigating, we drove north out of Duluth on Hwy 61. We pulled off and parked where a little river crossed under the road and spilled through a steep set of rocky rapids to Lake Superior below. We hiked down a little trail, and she led me out onto one of the big rocks. The scenery was spectacular, and the water rushing past the rocks had a hypnotic quality. It hadn't snowed last night, but the wind was blowing hard off the lake, and the constant mist from the rapids gave the crisp early November air some real bite. We sat for a while without speaking. Just two people holding hands, taking in the scenery and the roar of the water. There was a Gordon Lightfoot song that had something about the gales of November, how did it go? "When I left home," Melissa began, just loud enough to hear. I turned and watched her, careful to hear what she was saying over the noise of the rapids. I had been hoping for, and dreading this moment, when she decided to get the details of her past out in the open. I resolved to not interrupt and to let her tell it at her own pace. "This was the first place I went." She continued. "I didn't know where to go. I didn't have anywhere to go." She sniffed. We were alone but had someone been watching, her running nose and the tears on her cheek might have been assumed to have been caused by the cold, but I knew differently. I could see the deep down hurt that was welling up, and my heart ached. I squeezed her hand, and let her talk. "Every night for two weeks, I'd leave school, then go up the hill to the mall and sit in the food court to do my homework. When the mall closed, I came here, and parked for the night right over there." She pointed up to the little parking lot where my truck was. "I'd wake up, scrape the snow and frost off the windows, and go to school. I didn't tell anyone because then I'd have to explain why I was sleeping in a car in February. I had friends, but not close friends, you know? Like, not the kind of friends that I could talk to about..." She trailed off and wiped her nose on her jacket sleeve. "I had been lucky, it hadn't been as cold as it should have been, but then one night it got very cold. When I left the mall, I knew if I spent the night here again, I could be in serious danger. So I went to the laundromat. There was never anyone in there in the middle of the night, so I sat at one of the tables and fell asleep. The owner woke me up a couple of hours later, yelling at me that I couldn't sleep there, so I got in my car and came back here." She had been looking at the water as she spoke, but now turned and looked at me. I saw the fear and shame these memories invoked. I wanted to say something, anything to comfort her, but I knew that I should let her say what she needed to say, so I let her continue. "When I went to sleep on the back seat, I didn't think I was going to ever wake up, and I was okay with that. I didn't care that I was going to die. Nobody cared, nobody would miss me. The world would be better off without one more stupid girl. Why bother going on?" She looked away from me, east towards the vast lake, and her face twisted up in anger. "You know, the worst thing, the worst part of all of it, is they made me feel like it was all my fault. They had me so twisted up, that I believed that I was the cause of everything that happened." She turned back to me, the anger fading, leaving just a profound sadness. I wiped the tears from her cheek, and she leaned her shoulder against me. "Did your parents tell you what happened?" My throat was dry, and I swallowed hard before replying. "They were vague." She gave a little smile that was like a sunbeam on a stormy day. "I asked your mom and dad not to tell anyone. You're so lucky to have them." She looked back to the lake and spoke quietly enough that if her face had not been right next to mine, I wouldn't have been able to hear her. "When I was fifteen, when I started looking more like a woman, and less like a little girl, my dad started abusing me. Mom, she was drunk more than she was sober. She knew, she had to know, and she didn't do anything." As the River roared in its ceaseless path to Lake Superior, and the cold wind whistled and rattled through the leafless trees, Melissa spoke of abuse and divorce, lost jobs and social status, the failing of the system to help a girl who was too scared to ask for help and the blame that was assigned for all of it. "So that night, I remember when the state trooper knocked on my window." She gave a brief mirthless huff. "I thought he was an angel, with the way his flashlight lit up the frost on the inside of the window. I thought I was dead, that it was all over. I felt relieved." She shook her head. "The next thing I remember was being in a hospital bed, wrapped in electric blankets, and seeing the sunrise through the window. That trooper was there. He had stayed with me, way past the end of his shift, just to make sure I was alright. Turns out, when they went to my parent's house to see what was going on, my dad was out of town, and my mom ended up getting arrested for assaulting an officer and having a bunch of heroin. That's why she went back to him. Not for me, but for the money to buy her drugs. The trooper persuaded me to reach out to my friends. He said that people can be capable of unexpected acts of kindness, and I decided to believe him. So I called Ashley. We had always gotten along pretty well, and her parents were always super nice to me. They let me stay with them, which was really awkward at first. I just couldn't believe that a family could be so, so perfect. It was like stepping into an old sitcom. Maybe there was a little trouble now and then, but everyone loved each other, and it all worked out in the end. It was surreal, but eventually, I started believing that it was how families should be. That it was right and good, and normal." She looked me in the eyes then, and I saw her love burning through the hurt. "I didn't think that I would ever have that. I thought that there was no way I could ever open up and let someone love me, to be me, to be normal. Who could want me? Then your parents invited me back to the cabin, and I grasped onto a foolish hope that maybe you could. Ever since it's just been, It just doesn't seem real. Charles, I know you love me, but I'm still so afraid." I silenced her with a quick kiss on the lips. I held her cold, rosy cheeks in my hands and looked her in the eyes. "None of what happened was your fault. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. I love you, I will always love you. Nothing in the past, present, or future will stop me from loving you until the end of time, and when we're both gone from this world, I'll find you in the next and keep loving you!" Fresh tears streamed down her face, not tears of remembered pain, but tears of joyful love. She threw her arms around me and we held each other tight. Overhead, a hawk called, adding its little part to the scene of wind, water, and young lovers. Chapter Seventeen. Getting in my truck and leaving Duluth that evening was the hardest thing I had ever done. The only thing that gave me the strength to leave was the knowledge that it was only temporary. Soon, very soon, I would never have to leave her again. When I got home, Mom was at the kitchen table reading a newspaper. She greeted me with a smile. I had to be very careful with how I was going to handle this conversation. I didn't want to lie to my mom, but I also didn't want to tell her the whole truth. "How was your weekend? I didn't get a call from the cops, so it couldn't have been too exciting." "I was the cop! We went to a Halloween party dressed as the Village People." "Fun!" Mom exclaimed, giving me a beaming smile. "Yeah, and something else happened. Do you know how I can get my employee discount at any store? Well, we stopped at one of the stores in Duluth, and I ended up talking with the yard manager. They've been having trouble finding someone competent to drive a forklift, and if I transferred up there, they'd give me a raise and make me an assistant manager. He said I could start working up there in two weeks." All of these individual facts were technically true, but it still felt like lying. "Good for you! It's great to have in-demand skills. That's a long way to drive though." "Yeah, it would be like, five hours of driving every day." "Did you look into getting an apartment up there?" Mom folded up the newspaper and gave me her undivided attention. "After the school year starts, there's literally nothing cheap available." "Where would you stay then?" She asked, looking concerned. "Well, on the way home, I was thinking about who I know that lives up there. Rob lives in a dorm, so I couldn't get away with staying there long-term. But then I remembered that Melissa lives in Duluth, I could maybe call her and see if she wants a roommate." Okay, this last bit was a lie. I didn't feel good about it, but it had to be done. "Our Melissa? Have you called her yet?" "Not yet. I'm pretty sure I have her number in my phone." "You should figure this out sooner rather than later." She looked at the clock. "It's not too late, give her a call now." I made a show of finding Melissa's number as if I hadn't memorized it weeks ago. Melissa and I had rehearsed this moment. I had the volume on my phone turned way up, so my mom was sure to hear Melissa's side of the conversation too. "Hello?" Melissa's angelic voice asked after three rings. "Hi Melissa, it's Charles." "Charles! It's good to hear from you! What's up?" "Well, I'm going to be transferring up there for work, and I was wondering if you would mind having me as a roommate until I found a place of my own." Another necessary lie. "Yeah, I guess that would be okay. You're not going to find anywhere else to stay until the end of the school year. Even then, I was lucky to get this place, this spring." "So, you're okay with me staying with you?" "Yeah, it'll be fun. Like staying at the cabin, but I don't think my landlord would approve of campfires." "I'll pay half the rent, and utilities, and everything." "Naturally," Melissa said. "I was going to ask one of my friends if they wanted to move in. Only paying half the rent will make saving for school a lot easier." "Cool. So, I guess I'll give you a call tomorrow, and we can figure out the details?" "Yeah, okay." "I'm talking with my mom right now, so I should probably let you go." "Hi Mom!" Melissa yelled. "Hi, Melissa," Mom replied, loud enough to be sure that the phone picked it up. "Talk to you tomorrow, bye!" Melissa said, much quieter this time. "Bye." I had to be very careful not to reflexively say I love you. I put my phone away and noticed that my mom was studying me with a funny little smile on her face. Then in the most casual tone, she asked. "So, does she love you as much as you love her?" My heart nearly stopped. I couldn't respond. "That was a lovely charade. Unnecessary, but lovely." I couldn't speak. My brain frantically searched for words but found only shocked silence. "Oh, honey." She began, in a soothing motherly voice. "You're my baby. Did you think I wouldn't know? It was plain to see at the cabin that you two are in love. You spent the weekend with her?" I forced myself to reply. "Yes," I said, fearing that it was all over. I felt like crying. "Good," Mom said simply. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Mom knew about me and Melissa, and she was... Happy for me? "So, you're not mad about us?" "Oh, Charles. Love is so precious. It doesn't matter where you find it, but when you do, you hold on with both hands and never let go." My tears came then, flowing hard as I released all my pent-up fears and anxiety. Mom held me as I cried on her shoulder. She gently rubbed my back like she used to do when I was a kid. When my crying subsided, she held my shoulders at arm's length. "Now, tell me about her." I did. In the conversation that followed, I was more honest and open about my feelings than I could remember being to anyone other than Melissa. I explained how we knew what each other was thinking or feeling, just by looking into each other's eyes. I told her how I wanted to improve myself, to be a better person for Melissa. And, looking back on it with a touch of horror, I did my best to explain the connection I felt with Melissa when we made love. Throughout it all, my mother was nothing but caring and understanding. After all the fear of this moment, it was surreal. It felt so good, so liberating to tell her how I felt about Melissa. When I was done, I asked Mom. "Does Dad know?" "Oh, I doubt he picked up on it." "Are you going to tell him?" Of all the people in the family, I was sure that Dad would be the least likely to accept. He had always been very traditional. Kind and gentle, but with a very strict moral compass. "Of course. He's my husband. The way you feel about Melissa, I feel about him." She hugged me again. "Don't be ashamed. Love her with all your heart, and everything else will work itself out." She kissed me on the cheek and told me that she loved me. I told her that I loved her too, and said goodnight. I went to my bedroom, shut the door, and called Melissa. "What's up?" She answered. "I didn't think I'd hear from you until tomorrow." Deciding to just be direct about it, I said. "My mother has officially given us her blessing." The line was silent as Melissa processed this. When she spoke, I could tell that she was crying. "How did she find out?" She asked. I recounted the whole conversation. "See? I told you your mom was the best." "She really is." "So, what now?" She asked, with a bit of anxiety. "She said that she had to tell everyone because it's better to have it out in the open than have to keep lying to the family. I agreed." After a short pause, Melissa said. "Me too." As it turns out, my family's reaction was both better than I had feared and worse than I had hoped. My parents had called a family meeting and all of my immediate family, and their spouses, showed up. There were those like my mom, and my brother Mark, who were supportive and genuinely happy for me. On the other end of things, there were people like my second older brother, Stephen, and his wife, who were disgusted and called me a pervert. Most were somewhere in the middle, either not understanding and being polite about it, or just ambivalent to the whole issue. Then there was my dad. He just sat there the whole time, with a frown on his face, and never spoke a word. I couldn't tell if he was ashamed, or angry, or what, and it tore me up inside. He had never in his life been shy about voicing his opinion. After my mom, he was who I needed acceptance from the most. I desperately wanted him to say something, anything, but he never did. His silence cut deeper than any insult or accusation ever could. At the beginning, and with prompting from my mom, I had stood before everyone, confessing Melissa's and my love for each other, and that I was moving out to live with her in Duluth. After the initial shock and spectrum of reactions, I sat down and answered questions. Now, not being able to bear my father's silence any longer, I stood again, interrupting several side conversations. I addressed the whole group, but my words were meant for my father more than anyone. "Melissa and I truly love each other. Nothing you do or say can change it. Accept it, accept us, or don't. I don't care." Dad didn't react, didn't even look me in the eyes. I rushed to my room and locked the door. I curled up on my bed and cried, harder than I could remember ever crying before. The stress of the family meeting and my dad's non-reaction had utterly destroyed me. I held a pillow over my head to muffle the sounds of my uncontrollable sobs, and to hide my face from the world. "What if they're right about you?" A part of my mind asked. "What if you're just a sicko. That's what they all think." "No! I really do love her!" Another part of my mind answered. "What kind of weirdo falls in love with his cousin? What kind of deviant fucks someone in his own family?" "No! Our love is pure and perfect!" "Yeah, perfect. The perfect fantasy of a clinically twisted pervert! You're just taking advantage of a poor broken girl." "No..." I moaned aloud, holding my head in my hands. Sometime after, someone knocked lightly on my bedroom door. I ignored it, lost as I was in terrible contradictory thoughts. The knock came again, and I heard my mom's voice. "Charles, honey. Can I come in?" I didn't respond, knowing that right then I couldn't bear to face anyone, even my mother. "Oh, my baby." She said through the door. "All I want is for you to be happy. Follow your heart, everything will work out. I love you." Her words quieted the thoughts whirling through my mind, and though my sobs faded, the tears continued to flow. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. I closed my eyes and imagined Melissa lying next to me. I thought about how if she were here, she would comfort me, and wipe the tears from my face. I could see her so clearly in my mind, see how her icy blue eyes would pour her inexhaustible love into me. Soon, my tears stopped flowing, and I regained a sense of peace. I felt awful for doubting myself, for doubting Melissa, if even for a moment. Our love is right. It is pure and perfect. She made me complete, as I made her complete. I drifted off to sleep, with a smile on my face, thinking about Melissa, and dreaming about the future. Chapter Eighteen. Charles copes with changes, but the biggest is yet to happen. The armrests of the padded chair where I was seated were a little too high to be comfortable, so I kept my hands folded in my lap. I gazed at the paintings of calm rural scenes hung on the walls of the spacious office. I wondered absently if they were real places or just the artist's impression of idyllic country life. I glanced at the woman in the matching chair positioned across from me. She was patiently waiting for me to continue my story, with an encouraging expression on her face. "I moved my things into Melissa's apartment a few days later and spent the night with her a couple of times when I had the day off. After the two weeks were up, I started work at the Duluth store and lived with her from then on. I think the only word to describe the years that followed is heavenly. I wouldn't have changed a single thing." "Tell me more about how your family reacted," said the woman, Dr. Clarke. "Did your father and brother ever come around?" "Dad? Yeah, he just needed a little time to process it. After that, he was as good with it as Mom was. The thing with him was, years before, before anyone knew what had been going on with Melissa's dad, he'd known that something was wrong. I'm not sure how, but he knew. After Melissa left home, he would call and check in on her. He paid to have her car fixed and even paid the deposit on her apartment. He always went out of his way to make her feel like she had people that cared. I think he loved her as if she were his own daughter, so the whole thing with the two of us was kind of a shock. When Melissa and I went to my parent's place for Thanksgiving, later that month; and he saw firsthand how happy she was, it wasn't an issue." "And your brother, Stephen?" Dr. Clarke prompted. "That same Thanksgiving, I ended up knocking him down with a punch to the face. He said that Melissa's family were all degenerates and that Melissa was just bringing that degeneracy to our family now. That was the last time I ever saw him." I forced my clenched fists to relax and laid my palms flat on my thighs. "Have you ever thought about reaching out to him? People can change a lot in twenty-four years." "No," I said firmly. "It was his choice to ostracize himself from our family, and I want nothing to do with someone capable of being so deliberately malicious. He knew that she was just beginning to heal the trauma that had been done to her; and had said what he did, specifically to hurt her. Someone capable of doing that will always be capable of doing it." "You might be surprised by how much people can change," She said, as she scribbled a few lines in her notepad. "Maybe," I said, brows furrowing. Those words had made their way into Melissa's nightmares. My fists clenched again, as I remembered all the times I was awoken in the middle of the night by her sobs. I remembered how helpless I felt, being able to do nothing but console her; and hold her until she fell back asleep. My knuckles were white, and my fists trembled slightly. I saw Dr. Clarke glance down at my hands, but she did not indicate what she was thinking. Therapists must make superb poker players. "Some things just can't be forgiven," I said quietly, forcing my hands to relax. "Again, you might be surprised. We can talk more about that next week." She set aside her notepad and glanced up at the clock on the wall behind me. "Now close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing. Take a slow deep breath, imagining all your negative emotions as a tangible thing. Now breathe out slowly as all those emotions evaporate and exit your body like smoke. Again, deep inhale, and out. Good. Feel your mind become still as your breath carries away the pain. Once more, in, and out. Good." For some reason, this technique worked for me. If left alone, my thoughts naturally gravitated to the bad memories, and each one brought two more with it until I became overwhelmed. I would become mentally gridlocked to the point of not being able to function in everyday life. "When I say the word joy, what is the first thing that pops into your mind?" My eyes were still closed, and I smiled. "Melissa's face when she first saw me that October weekend reunion, at the cabin." "Good. Keep up your breathing exercise. All the pain is gone, only the joy remains. Describe the scene for me. What else do you see? What do you smell and hear?" A single tear rolled down my cheek. I'm not sure why I started to cry, whether it was joy in the image of her, so happy and full of promise for the future, or sorrow because that future is gone. I would never again see her smile. "Sunbeams cut down through the trees, lighting up smoke drifting from the fire pit. She passes through one, and her hair glows like golden fire. I smell the white pines, strong in the soft breeze, and the smell of burning oak. A loon call echoes up from the lake, and all around the cabin yard, there is the quiet burble of conversations and laughter." I wiped the tears from my face with a flannel shirt sleeve and looked away from Dr. Clarke. I still felt embarrassed to cry in front of another person. "That sounds lovely. Hold on to that moment, use it as a refuge." She glanced at the clock again and stood. I stood as well, taking a tissue from the box on the coffee table to dry my eyes. She walked me to her office door. "Thank you for sharing today, Charles. I think you are doing very well." As she opened the door, she asked. "Have you gone to the aromatherapy shop we talked about last week?" "No," I said dejectedly. "I was going to, but..." I had meant to go, but sometimes certain things were just impossible to make myself do. Going into an unfamiliar place and talking to a stranger was one of those things. Sometimes I could, sometimes I couldn't. This hadn't been a particularly good week, and the thought of talking to someone new, someone who would ask questions about why I was there, questions that would bring up painful memories, was simply unthinkable. Yesterday, I had made it all the way to my car and had the key in the ignition, but then I just sat there, unable to make myself go through with it. "That's ok." Said Dr. Clarke. I knew she knew why I didn't go, and I had gotten to the point where I felt safe sharing my feelings with her, but I couldn't help but feel a sense of shame. "Addy is very good at what she does, and she has helped many of my clients. She's a friend." I nodded and started moving through the doorway. Ending conversations always seemed so awkward. I never knew what to say. "Thank you for being so open today, Charles. See you again next week." She was looking at my eyes, and I met her gaze briefly before looking away. In recent years, I had become very uncomfortable making anything more than the briefest of eye contact with people, especially women, so I was usually at a huge disadvantage when it came to reading people's motivations and emotions. In that brief glimpse though, I caught the impression of empathy and a real desire to help. It felt really good to know that someone cared. I gave her a genuine smile and left. I left her office with the intention of going directly to the shop she had recommended, but by the time I was in my car, I just... couldn't. This is what my life had become. I could go from being on the verge of drowning in a sea of sorrow to feeling positive and optimistic in an instant, then back just as fast. But mostly, it was what I called 'the gray'. I am self-aware enough to understand how it began. Instead of dealing with certain traumatic events, my brain decided that it was easier and far less painful, just to push them aside. The problem is, that those things don't just go away. No matter how hard you push them down, they keep bubbling back up, and you end up pushing everything away in the effort. Then one day you realize that living in the gray was the only way to survive because every little bit of emotion, good or bad, could open the gates and let all the pain come rushing in. I had pushed everything and everyone aside for the sake of self-preservation, and it was killing me. I knew I needed help. I knew that the person I was, wasn't really me. The problem was, I had been in the gray so long, that I couldn't remember how it was before, not really. I knew that I had been happy once, that I had hopes and dreams. But that was all gone, lost in the gray. Chapter Nineteen. The next day turned out to be one of the good ones. I was able to get myself out of bed, dressed, and in the car. I decided that I would finally make it to this aromatherapy shop Dr. Clarke wanted me to go to. I turned the key in the ignition, and my geriatric Honda Civic purred to life. I quickly released the emergency brake and shifted into reverse. I backed out of my parking spot with a sigh. There, I did it. The hard part was over, and now that I had started the task, it would be easier to go through with it. Don't ask me why that makes sense, I wouldn't know how to even start explaining. I enjoyed my drive across town. It was a beautiful day in Duluth. Down near Lake Superior, it was a little breezy and a comfortable 65 degrees, perfect for driving with the windows down. Climbing the hill on 194, the farther I got away from the lake, the hotter it got. By the time I got to the shop, it was nearly 80 degrees, and I had begun to sweat. A typical July day in the Twin Ports. I've always said, that this was one of the things I loved most about living in Duluth. It could be hot as hell up on top of the hill, but if the wind was right, it was always cool near the lake. I shut the car off and set the E brake. I wiped a bit of sweat off my brow, and it occurred to me that I was wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday and that I hadn't showered. Hit with a sudden wave of shame and embarrassment about meeting someone new in this state, I almost just left to go back home. With an effort of willpower, I opened the car door and stepped out. Task begun. I walked in and was greeted by a smiling older lady that I assumed was Addy. "Hi, um, Dr. Clarke sent me." Addy's smile widened. "Oh, come in, come in. I'm Addy." "I'm Charles," I replied, meeting her eyes for the briefest moment. "Pleased to meet you, Charles. How is Rose doing these days?" Dr. Clarke's first name was Virginia. She had grown up in Virginia, Minnesota, and I think she was still annoyed by her unimaginative parents, because she liked to use her middle name, Rose. I almost exclusively used 'Dr. Clarke' when speaking with or about her. "I've been seeing her for a couple of months now. She's nice." I never seemed to know how to answer questions like that. I grimaced inwardly at my awkwardness. "She's a sweetheart, and good at her job. I saw her for years." She led me over to a glass counter filled with hundreds of small labeled bottles. "So, are we looking for something to help you relax?" "Something to help me remember." I paused briefly, trying to find the right words. "Well, remembering isn't the issue." I felt a rush of awkwardness and a little bit of embarrassment in talking about something so personal with a stranger. My cheeks flushed, and I looked at the bottles in the case to ensure I didn't accidentally make eye contact. "I want to be able to focus on just the one thing." "Tell me about it." I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. "There's smoke from the campfire, mostly oak. Maybe a tiny bit of something acrid, like someone had thrown a plastic plate in the fire." As I spoke, I could hear Addy selecting a few bottles from a rack within the display case. "Pine trees. Even with the smoke, the pines smell strong." "Spruce?" Addy asked politely. "No, White Pine. The needles and sap are everywhere." "Anything else?" I took another deep breath but didn't reply. "Sometimes there's things around us that have a scent, but we're either too used to it, or its faint enough that we don't remember without smelling it. What else was there? Is this a campground?" Addy asked in what I recognized as being in a deliberately unobtrusive way. "It's a cabin," I replied, searching the mental image for things that may have a scent. "It's an old log cabin, surrounded by white pines. There's a log pile. My brother had been using the chainsaw earlier. My truck is parked in the driveway, it smells like gas because the tank leaks a little bit. Someone had mowed the little patch of grass in front of the cabin." "Is there anyone there, wearing perfume or aftershave?" I nodded my head in the affirmative. Addy gave me time to answer. "She..." I struggled to find words to describe Melissa's scent. How do you describe such a thing to someone? How do you describe a sunset to a blind person, or describe to a deaf person the emotions evoked by the Moonlight Sonata? She smelled like love, and I still smell her on the clothes I keep in her dresser. "You know how strawberry plants don't smell like strawberry? Not like the fake strawberry candy scent?" Of course, she did, but I went on. "A strawberry blossom. Delicate, faint, with just the promise of sweetness." "She was someone special," Addy said, in more of a statement than a question. "I ended up marrying her. She;" A tear rolled down my cheek. "Nine years ago;" I just couldn't force the words out of my mouth. I could tell Addy the exact date and time. I could tell her that we had just gone to see The Martian in the movie theater and that the night was clear and cool after the late August thunderstorm earlier that afternoon. I could tell her what song was playing on the radio. I could tell her the look on Melissa's face when the headlights crossed through the median in front of us. What I couldn't say, was physically unable to, was that nine years ago, Melissa died. "It's okay, dear," Addy said. She had a grandmotherly voice, full of kindness and understanding. For the briefest of moments, the power of that gentle voice made me believe that yes, everything would be okay. "Give me a few minutes, and I'll have something for you to try." I nodded and wandered away from the counter, absently browsing the candles and incense as I tried to compose myself. As I looked through the shop it occurred to me how posh the place seemed. High-dollar products are meant to be sold to people who have the luxury of ignoring price tags. I did not have that luxury. I felt anxiety and a general shame of the complete fuck up I had become. If this costs more than about forty dollars, I wouldn't be able to afford groceries this week. "Charles, it's ready," Addy called from the other side of the store. I walked over and closed my eyes as she extended a small glass bottle filled with clear liquid. I breathed deeply and conjured the scene in my mind. The scent of Addy's mixture hit me like a lightning bolt. It was like reading a book in the dark, and then someone turned on the lights. Everything came into sharp focus like I was there. The smoke, the pines, and, My breath caught in my throat. Buried deep within the mix there was something light, something so tenuous you hardly knew it was there. It was Melissa. In my mind, she threw herself into my arms, and I could smell her. I could smell her. "How?" I asked, looking her in the eyes for the first time since my initial glance. Addy smiled warmly, and I could see genuine care in her face, not just the politeness of a shop owner to a customer. "If she had been wearing perfume, it would have been harder. We remember scents much better than we think we do. Sometimes all we need is a little hint, and it's brought right to the front." Dr. Clarke was right, Addy was good. "Your idea about the strawberry flowers was good. They're very faint and don't smell like much at all, definitely not strawberries. But when you know that you have strawberry flowers, and you smell them, your brain brings up the memory of strawberries. Scents are all connected in our minds, and are rooted deep down at the very foundation of memory." Addy put a rubber stopper in the bottle and carefully placed the bottle in a velvet pouch with her shop's logo on it. She held it out for me to take. A tear dripped off my jaw, and I quickly wiped my face on a sleeve. "How much?" I started to ask, again acutely aware of my wrinkled clothes, my general lack of personal hygiene, and the depressingly small balance of my bank account. Addy cut me off with a raised hand. "Rose is a friend of mine, and any friend of hers is also a friend of mine." She pushed the velvet bag into my hands. "No, I can't;" Addy stopped me again. "Most of my clients just want something that smells nice in their bathroom, or to cover the smell of weed. I'm perfectly happy to take their money." She placed her hands on mine, still clutching the velvet bag. "It's very rare that I get to help someone. Take it as a gift, with my thanks." I was speechless, and fresh tears rolled down my face. I couldn't remember the last time someone was so altruistically kind to me. "Thank you." Was all I could say. To be continued in part 6. Based on a post by NewMountain80, in 6 parts, for Literotica.

Cabin Cousins: Part 5 The Gales of November. Based on a post by NewMountain80, in 6 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Connections. "Hmm" Melissa said, her face still buried in the pillow. She shifted and turned her head, and I moved to her side with one arm and a leg still draped over so we could look into each other's eyes. "Wow. That was..." She sighed. "...Wonderful." I smiled and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did." She squinted at me. "Are you sure I'm not dreaming, and you're just a figment of my imagination?" She said playfully, though I could tell there was something serious behind the question. "I'm real, and I'm right here, in your bed, and I love you." She searched my eyes for a moment, rolled onto her side, and pulled me in close, kissing me deeply. When we stopped kissing to catch our breath, she whispered. "It's our bed, and I love you too." We held each other in silence for a long while. I knew that she had something else to say, but I didn't push her. Eventually, she broke the silence. "Do you want pancakes? I want pancakes." Not exactly the soul-baring statement I was expecting, but now that she had said it, by damn I wanted pancakes. "I'll help." I had made pancakes exactly once before, and it wasn't a complete disaster, so I felt that my inclusion in the process wouldn't be too much of a hindrance. She got a distant look in her eye, then rolled onto her back, and covered her face with her hands with a groan. "I don't have any pancake mix." She peeked at me through her fingers and we both started laughing. I'm not sure why but we both found it hilarious but we roared with laughter. I playfully pushed her towards the side of the bed. "Well, get dressed. I'll take you out for breakfast." Still laughing, she got up and opened a dresser drawer. Stepping into a pair of light blue panties, she asked. "Are you getting dressed too, or are you going to go like that?" "I'm thinking about it." I quipped, eyes following her every movement. I loved watching her move. She had a litheness and grace to her. Cat-like? No, that's not quite right. Amazonian? Maybe, but that implies a stature and bulk that Melissa didn't have. She was fit, not body builder muscular, and she wasn't particularly tall, just shy of my own five foot ten. She was perfect, and my eyes couldn't get enough of her. Let's leave it at that. "You'll give the old ladies at Perkins quite a shock." She shot back, still laughing. With an exaggerated sigh, I rolled off the bed. "For the sake of the old ladies, fine, I'll get dressed." Chapter Sixteen. The plate clinked as Melissa set down her fork. "Ugh. I ate too much, but that really hit the spot." She had attacked her "tremendous twelve" meal with murderous intent. All that remained was a scrap of crust from a piece of toast, and some maple syrup residue on an otherwise clean plate. She had even swiped a strip of bacon off of my plate, an act that left fork marks on my brother's hands on several occasions. I looked at my plate, with its pile of hash browns and a third of a stack of pancakes remaining, and set down my fork. "I guess I didn't work up as much of an appetite as you, cause I'm stuffed too." Melissa looked at me with her special smile and mischievous eyes. "Well, you'll have to try harder next time." "I need to work out more." "I can help with that." She replied, and we both giggled, knowing the truth of it. "Let's start with a walk." We left the Perkins restaurant, and with Melissa navigating, we drove north out of Duluth on Hwy 61. We pulled off and parked where a little river crossed under the road and spilled through a steep set of rocky rapids to Lake Superior below. We hiked down a little trail, and she led me out onto one of the big rocks. The scenery was spectacular, and the water rushing past the rocks had a hypnotic quality. It hadn't snowed last night, but the wind was blowing hard off the lake, and the constant mist from the rapids gave the crisp early November air some real bite. We sat for a while without speaking. Just two people holding hands, taking in the scenery and the roar of the water. There was a Gordon Lightfoot song that had something about the gales of November, how did it go? "When I left home," Melissa began, just loud enough to hear. I turned and watched her, careful to hear what she was saying over the noise of the rapids. I had been hoping for, and dreading this moment, when she decided to get the details of her past out in the open. I resolved to not interrupt and to let her tell it at her own pace. "This was the first place I went." She continued. "I didn't know where to go. I didn't have anywhere to go." She sniffed. We were alone but had someone been watching, her running nose and the tears on her cheek might have been assumed to have been caused by the cold, but I knew differently. I could see the deep down hurt that was welling up, and my heart ached. I squeezed her hand, and let her talk. "Every night for two weeks, I'd leave school, then go up the hill to the mall and sit in the food court to do my homework. When the mall closed, I came here, and parked for the night right over there." She pointed up to the little parking lot where my truck was. "I'd wake up, scrape the snow and frost off the windows, and go to school. I didn't tell anyone because then I'd have to explain why I was sleeping in a car in February. I had friends, but not close friends, you know? Like, not the kind of friends that I could talk to about..." She trailed off and wiped her nose on her jacket sleeve. "I had been lucky, it hadn't been as cold as it should have been, but then one night it got very cold. When I left the mall, I knew if I spent the night here again, I could be in serious danger. So I went to the laundromat. There was never anyone in there in the middle of the night, so I sat at one of the tables and fell asleep. The owner woke me up a couple of hours later, yelling at me that I couldn't sleep there, so I got in my car and came back here." She had been looking at the water as she spoke, but now turned and looked at me. I saw the fear and shame these memories invoked. I wanted to say something, anything to comfort her, but I knew that I should let her say what she needed to say, so I let her continue. "When I went to sleep on the back seat, I didn't think I was going to ever wake up, and I was okay with that. I didn't care that I was going to die. Nobody cared, nobody would miss me. The world would be better off without one more stupid girl. Why bother going on?" She looked away from me, east towards the vast lake, and her face twisted up in anger. "You know, the worst thing, the worst part of all of it, is they made me feel like it was all my fault. They had me so twisted up, that I believed that I was the cause of everything that happened." She turned back to me, the anger fading, leaving just a profound sadness. I wiped the tears from her cheek, and she leaned her shoulder against me. "Did your parents tell you what happened?" My throat was dry, and I swallowed hard before replying. "They were vague." She gave a little smile that was like a sunbeam on a stormy day. "I asked your mom and dad not to tell anyone. You're so lucky to have them." She looked back to the lake and spoke quietly enough that if her face had not been right next to mine, I wouldn't have been able to hear her. "When I was fifteen, when I started looking more like a woman, and less like a little girl, my dad started abusing me. Mom, she was drunk more than she was sober. She knew, she had to know, and she didn't do anything." As the River roared in its ceaseless path to Lake Superior, and the cold wind whistled and rattled through the leafless trees, Melissa spoke of abuse and divorce, lost jobs and social status, the failing of the system to help a girl who was too scared to ask for help and the blame that was assigned for all of it. "So that night, I remember when the state trooper knocked on my window." She gave a brief mirthless huff. "I thought he was an angel, with the way his flashlight lit up the frost on the inside of the window. I thought I was dead, that it was all over. I felt relieved." She shook her head. "The next thing I remember was being in a hospital bed, wrapped in electric blankets, and seeing the sunrise through the window. That trooper was there. He had stayed with me, way past the end of his shift, just to make sure I was alright. Turns out, when they went to my parent's house to see what was going on, my dad was out of town, and my mom ended up getting arrested for assaulting an officer and having a bunch of heroin. That's why she went back to him. Not for me, but for the money to buy her drugs. The trooper persuaded me to reach out to my friends. He said that people can be capable of unexpected acts of kindness, and I decided to believe him. So I called Ashley. We had always gotten along pretty well, and her parents were always super nice to me. They let me stay with them, which was really awkward at first. I just couldn't believe that a family could be so, so perfect. It was like stepping into an old sitcom. Maybe there was a little trouble now and then, but everyone loved each other, and it all worked out in the end. It was surreal, but eventually, I started believing that it was how families should be. That it was right and good, and normal." She looked me in the eyes then, and I saw her love burning through the hurt. "I didn't think that I would ever have that. I thought that there was no way I could ever open up and let someone love me, to be me, to be normal. Who could want me? Then your parents invited me back to the cabin, and I grasped onto a foolish hope that maybe you could. Ever since it's just been, It just doesn't seem real. Charles, I know you love me, but I'm still so afraid." I silenced her with a quick kiss on the lips. I held her cold, rosy cheeks in my hands and looked her in the eyes. "None of what happened was your fault. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. I love you, I will always love you. Nothing in the past, present, or future will stop me from loving you until the end of time, and when we're both gone from this world, I'll find you in the next and keep loving you!" Fresh tears streamed down her face, not tears of remembered pain, but tears of joyful love. She threw her arms around me and we held each other tight. Overhead, a hawk called, adding its little part to the scene of wind, water, and young lovers. Chapter Seventeen. Getting in my truck and leaving Duluth that evening was the hardest thing I had ever done. The only thing that gave me the strength to leave was the knowledge that it was only temporary. Soon, very soon, I would never have to leave her again. When I got home, Mom was at the kitchen table reading a newspaper. She greeted me with a smile. I had to be very careful with how I was going to handle this conversation. I didn't want to lie to my mom, but I also didn't want to tell her the whole truth. "How was your weekend? I didn't get a call from the cops, so it couldn't have been too exciting." "I was the cop! We went to a Halloween party dressed as the Village People." "Fun!" Mom exclaimed, giving me a beaming smile. "Yeah, and something else happened. Do you know how I can get my employee discount at any store? Well, we stopped at one of the stores in Duluth, and I ended up talking with the yard manager. They've been having trouble finding someone competent to drive a forklift, and if I transferred up there, they'd give me a raise and make me an assistant manager. He said I could start working up there in two weeks." All of these individual facts were technically true, but it still felt like lying. "Good for you! It's great to have in-demand skills. That's a long way to drive though." "Yeah, it would be like, five hours of driving every day." "Did you look into getting an apartment up there?" Mom folded up the newspaper and gave me her undivided attention. "After the school year starts, there's literally nothing cheap available." "Where would you stay then?" She asked, looking concerned. "Well, on the way home, I was thinking about who I know that lives up there. Rob lives in a dorm, so I couldn't get away with staying there long-term. But then I remembered that Melissa lives in Duluth, I could maybe call her and see if she wants a roommate." Okay, this last bit was a lie. I didn't feel good about it, but it had to be done. "Our Melissa? Have you called her yet?" "Not yet. I'm pretty sure I have her number in my phone." "You should figure this out sooner rather than later." She looked at the clock. "It's not too late, give her a call now." I made a show of finding Melissa's number as if I hadn't memorized it weeks ago. Melissa and I had rehearsed this moment. I had the volume on my phone turned way up, so my mom was sure to hear Melissa's side of the conversation too. "Hello?" Melissa's angelic voice asked after three rings. "Hi Melissa, it's Charles." "Charles! It's good to hear from you! What's up?" "Well, I'm going to be transferring up there for work, and I was wondering if you would mind having me as a roommate until I found a place of my own." Another necessary lie. "Yeah, I guess that would be okay. You're not going to find anywhere else to stay until the end of the school year. Even then, I was lucky to get this place, this spring." "So, you're okay with me staying with you?" "Yeah, it'll be fun. Like staying at the cabin, but I don't think my landlord would approve of campfires." "I'll pay half the rent, and utilities, and everything." "Naturally," Melissa said. "I was going to ask one of my friends if they wanted to move in. Only paying half the rent will make saving for school a lot easier." "Cool. So, I guess I'll give you a call tomorrow, and we can figure out the details?" "Yeah, okay." "I'm talking with my mom right now, so I should probably let you go." "Hi Mom!" Melissa yelled. "Hi, Melissa," Mom replied, loud enough to be sure that the phone picked it up. "Talk to you tomorrow, bye!" Melissa said, much quieter this time. "Bye." I had to be very careful not to reflexively say I love you. I put my phone away and noticed that my mom was studying me with a funny little smile on her face. Then in the most casual tone, she asked. "So, does she love you as much as you love her?" My heart nearly stopped. I couldn't respond. "That was a lovely charade. Unnecessary, but lovely." I couldn't speak. My brain frantically searched for words but found only shocked silence. "Oh, honey." She began, in a soothing motherly voice. "You're my baby. Did you think I wouldn't know? It was plain to see at the cabin that you two are in love. You spent the weekend with her?" I forced myself to reply. "Yes," I said, fearing that it was all over. I felt like crying. "Good," Mom said simply. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Mom knew about me and Melissa, and she was... Happy for me? "So, you're not mad about us?" "Oh, Charles. Love is so precious. It doesn't matter where you find it, but when you do, you hold on with both hands and never let go." My tears came then, flowing hard as I released all my pent-up fears and anxiety. Mom held me as I cried on her shoulder. She gently rubbed my back like she used to do when I was a kid. When my crying subsided, she held my shoulders at arm's length. "Now, tell me about her." I did. In the conversation that followed, I was more honest and open about my feelings than I could remember being to anyone other than Melissa. I explained how we knew what each other was thinking or feeling, just by looking into each other's eyes. I told her how I wanted to improve myself, to be a better person for Melissa. And, looking back on it with a touch of horror, I did my best to explain the connection I felt with Melissa when we made love. Throughout it all, my mother was nothing but caring and understanding. After all the fear of this moment, it was surreal. It felt so good, so liberating to tell her how I felt about Melissa. When I was done, I asked Mom. "Does Dad know?" "Oh, I doubt he picked up on it." "Are you going to tell him?" Of all the people in the family, I was sure that Dad would be the least likely to accept. He had always been very traditional. Kind and gentle, but with a very strict moral compass. "Of course. He's my husband. The way you feel about Melissa, I feel about him." She hugged me again. "Don't be ashamed. Love her with all your heart, and everything else will work itself out." She kissed me on the cheek and told me that she loved me. I told her that I loved her too, and said goodnight. I went to my bedroom, shut the door, and called Melissa. "What's up?" She answered. "I didn't think I'd hear from you until tomorrow." Deciding to just be direct about it, I said. "My mother has officially given us her blessing." The line was silent as Melissa processed this. When she spoke, I could tell that she was crying. "How did she find out?" She asked. I recounted the whole conversation. "See? I told you your mom was the best." "She really is." "So, what now?" She asked, with a bit of anxiety. "She said that she had to tell everyone because it's better to have it out in the open than have to keep lying to the family. I agreed." After a short pause, Melissa said. "Me too." As it turns out, my family's reaction was both better than I had feared and worse than I had hoped. My parents had called a family meeting and all of my immediate family, and their spouses, showed up. There were those like my mom, and my brother Mark, who were supportive and genuinely happy for me. On the other end of things, there were people like my second older brother, Stephen, and his wife, who were disgusted and called me a pervert. Most were somewhere in the middle, either not understanding and being polite about it, or just ambivalent to the whole issue. Then there was my dad. He just sat there the whole time, with a frown on his face, and never spoke a word. I couldn't tell if he was ashamed, or angry, or what, and it tore me up inside. He had never in his life been shy about voicing his opinion. After my mom, he was who I needed acceptance from the most. I desperately wanted him to say something, anything, but he never did. His silence cut deeper than any insult or accusation ever could. At the beginning, and with prompting from my mom, I had stood before everyone, confessing Melissa's and my love for each other, and that I was moving out to live with her in Duluth. After the initial shock and spectrum of reactions, I sat down and answered questions. Now, not being able to bear my father's silence any longer, I stood again, interrupting several side conversations. I addressed the whole group, but my words were meant for my father more than anyone. "Melissa and I truly love each other. Nothing you do or say can change it. Accept it, accept us, or don't. I don't care." Dad didn't react, didn't even look me in the eyes. I rushed to my room and locked the door. I curled up on my bed and cried, harder than I could remember ever crying before. The stress of the family meeting and my dad's non-reaction had utterly destroyed me. I held a pillow over my head to muffle the sounds of my uncontrollable sobs, and to hide my face from the world. "What if they're right about you?" A part of my mind asked. "What if you're just a sicko. That's what they all think." "No! I really do love her!" Another part of my mind answered. "What kind of weirdo falls in love with his cousin? What kind of deviant fucks someone in his own family?" "No! Our love is pure and perfect!" "Yeah, perfect. The perfect fantasy of a clinically twisted pervert! You're just taking advantage of a poor broken girl." "No..." I moaned aloud, holding my head in my hands. Sometime after, someone knocked lightly on my bedroom door. I ignored it, lost as I was in terrible contradictory thoughts. The knock came again, and I heard my mom's voice. "Charles, honey. Can I come in?" I didn't respond, knowing that right then I couldn't bear to face anyone, even my mother. "Oh, my baby." She said through the door. "All I want is for you to be happy. Follow your heart, everything will work out. I love you." Her words quieted the thoughts whirling through my mind, and though my sobs faded, the tears continued to flow. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. I closed my eyes and imagined Melissa lying next to me. I thought about how if she were here, she would comfort me, and wipe the tears from my face. I could see her so clearly in my mind, see how her icy blue eyes would pour her inexhaustible love into me. Soon, my tears stopped flowing, and I regained a sense of peace. I felt awful for doubting myself, for doubting Melissa, if even for a moment. Our love is right. It is pure and perfect. She made me complete, as I made her complete. I drifted off to sleep, with a smile on my face, thinking about Melissa, and dreaming about the future. Chapter Eighteen. Charles copes with changes, but the biggest is yet to happen. The armrests of the padded chair where I was seated were a little too high to be comfortable, so I kept my hands folded in my lap. I gazed at the paintings of calm rural scenes hung on the walls of the spacious office. I wondered absently if they were real places or just the artist's impression of idyllic country life. I glanced at the woman in the matching chair positioned across from me. She was patiently waiting for me to continue my story, with an encouraging expression on her face. "I moved my things into Melissa's apartment a few days later and spent the night with her a couple of times when I had the day off. After the two weeks were up, I started work at the Duluth store and lived with her from then on. I think the only word to describe the years that followed is heavenly. I wouldn't have changed a single thing." "Tell me more about how your family reacted," said the woman, Dr. Clarke. "Did your father and brother ever come around?" "Dad? Yeah, he just needed a little time to process it. After that, he was as good with it as Mom was. The thing with him was, years before, before anyone knew what had been going on with Melissa's dad, he'd known that something was wrong. I'm not sure how, but he knew. After Melissa left home, he would call and check in on her. He paid to have her car fixed and even paid the deposit on her apartment. He always went out of his way to make her feel like she had people that cared. I think he loved her as if she were his own daughter, so the whole thing with the two of us was kind of a shock. When Melissa and I went to my parent's place for Thanksgiving, later that month; and he saw firsthand how happy she was, it wasn't an issue." "And your brother, Stephen?" Dr. Clarke prompted. "That same Thanksgiving, I ended up knocking him down with a punch to the face. He said that Melissa's family were all degenerates and that Melissa was just bringing that degeneracy to our family now. That was the last time I ever saw him." I forced my clenched fists to relax and laid my palms flat on my thighs. "Have you ever thought about reaching out to him? People can change a lot in twenty-four years." "No," I said firmly. "It was his choice to ostracize himself from our family, and I want nothing to do with someone capable of being so deliberately malicious. He knew that she was just beginning to heal the trauma that had been done to her; and had said what he did, specifically to hurt her. Someone capable of doing that will always be capable of doing it." "You might be surprised by how much people can change," She said, as she scribbled a few lines in her notepad. "Maybe," I said, brows furrowing. Those words had made their way into Melissa's nightmares. My fists clenched again, as I remembered all the times I was awoken in the middle of the night by her sobs. I remembered how helpless I felt, being able to do nothing but console her; and hold her until she fell back asleep. My knuckles were white, and my fists trembled slightly. I saw Dr. Clarke glance down at my hands, but she did not indicate what she was thinking. Therapists must make superb poker players. "Some things just can't be forgiven," I said quietly, forcing my hands to relax. "Again, you might be surprised. We can talk more about that next week." She set aside her notepad and glanced up at the clock on the wall behind me. "Now close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing. Take a slow deep breath, imagining all your negative emotions as a tangible thing. Now breathe out slowly as all those emotions evaporate and exit your body like smoke. Again, deep inhale, and out. Good. Feel your mind become still as your breath carries away the pain. Once more, in, and out. Good." For some reason, this technique worked for me. If left alone, my thoughts naturally gravitated to the bad memories, and each one brought two more with it until I became overwhelmed. I would become mentally gridlocked to the point of not being able to function in everyday life. "When I say the word joy, what is the first thing that pops into your mind?" My eyes were still closed, and I smiled. "Melissa's face when she first saw me that October weekend reunion, at the cabin." "Good. Keep up your breathing exercise. All the pain is gone, only the joy remains. Describe the scene for me. What else do you see? What do you smell and hear?" A single tear rolled down my cheek. I'm not sure why I started to cry, whether it was joy in the image of her, so happy and full of promise for the future, or sorrow because that future is gone. I would never again see her smile. "Sunbeams cut down through the trees, lighting up smoke drifting from the fire pit. She passes through one, and her hair glows like golden fire. I smell the white pines, strong in the soft breeze, and the smell of burning oak. A loon call echoes up from the lake, and all around the cabin yard, there is the quiet burble of conversations and laughter." I wiped the tears from my face with a flannel shirt sleeve and looked away from Dr. Clarke. I still felt embarrassed to cry in front of another person. "That sounds lovely. Hold on to that moment, use it as a refuge." She glanced at the clock again and stood. I stood as well, taking a tissue from the box on the coffee table to dry my eyes. She walked me to her office door. "Thank you for sharing today, Charles. I think you are doing very well." As she opened the door, she asked. "Have you gone to the aromatherapy shop we talked about last week?" "No," I said dejectedly. "I was going to, but..." I had meant to go, but sometimes certain things were just impossible to make myself do. Going into an unfamiliar place and talking to a stranger was one of those things. Sometimes I could, sometimes I couldn't. This hadn't been a particularly good week, and the thought of talking to someone new, someone who would ask questions about why I was there, questions that would bring up painful memories, was simply unthinkable. Yesterday, I had made it all the way to my car and had the key in the ignition, but then I just sat there, unable to make myself go through with it. "That's ok." Said Dr. Clarke. I knew she knew why I didn't go, and I had gotten to the point where I felt safe sharing my feelings with her, but I couldn't help but feel a sense of shame. "Addy is very good at what she does, and she has helped many of my clients. She's a friend." I nodded and started moving through the doorway. Ending conversations always seemed so awkward. I never knew what to say. "Thank you for being so open today, Charles. See you again next week." She was looking at my eyes, and I met her gaze briefly before looking away. In recent years, I had become very uncomfortable making anything more than the briefest of eye contact with people, especially women, so I was usually at a huge disadvantage when it came to reading people's motivations and emotions. In that brief glimpse though, I caught the impression of empathy and a real desire to help. It felt really good to know that someone cared. I gave her a genuine smile and left. I left her office with the intention of going directly to the shop she had recommended, but by the time I was in my car, I just... couldn't. This is what my life had become. I could go from being on the verge of drowning in a sea of sorrow to feeling positive and optimistic in an instant, then back just as fast. But mostly, it was what I called 'the gray'. I am self-aware enough to understand how it began. Instead of dealing with certain traumatic events, my brain decided that it was easier and far less painful, just to push them aside. The problem is, that those things don't just go away. No matter how hard you push them down, they keep bubbling back up, and you end up pushing everything away in the effort. Then one day you realize that living in the gray was the only way to survive because every little bit of emotion, good or bad, could open the gates and let all the pain come rushing in. I had pushed everything and everyone aside for the sake of self-preservation, and it was killing me. I knew I needed help. I knew that the person I was, wasn't really me. The problem was, I had been in the gray so long, that I couldn't remember how it was before, not really. I knew that I had been happy once, that I had hopes and dreams. But that was all gone, lost in the gray. Chapter Nineteen. The next day turned out to be one of the good ones. I was able to get myself out of bed, dressed, and in the car. I decided that I would finally make it to this aromatherapy shop Dr. Clarke wanted me to go to. I turned the key in the ignition, and my geriatric Honda Civic purred to life. I quickly released the emergency brake and shifted into reverse. I backed out of my parking spot with a sigh. There, I did it. The hard part was over, and now that I had started the task, it would be easier to go through with it. Don't ask me why that makes sense, I wouldn't know how to even start explaining. I enjoyed my drive across town. It was a beautiful day in Duluth. Down near Lake Superior, it was a little breezy and a comfortable 65 degrees, perfect for driving with the windows down. Climbing the hill on 194, the farther I got away from the lake, the hotter it got. By the time I got to the shop, it was nearly 80 degrees, and I had begun to sweat. A typical July day in the Twin Ports. I've always said, that this was one of the things I loved most about living in Duluth. It could be hot as hell up on top of the hill, but if the wind was right, it was always cool near the lake. I shut the car off and set the E brake. I wiped a bit of sweat off my brow, and it occurred to me that I was wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday and that I hadn't showered. Hit with a sudden wave of shame and embarrassment about meeting someone new in this state, I almost just left to go back home. With an effort of willpower, I opened the car door and stepped out. Task begun. I walked in and was greeted by a smiling older lady that I assumed was Addy. "Hi, um, Dr. Clarke sent me." Addy's smile widened. "Oh, come in, come in. I'm Addy." "I'm Charles," I replied, meeting her eyes for the briefest moment. "Pleased to meet you, Charles. How is Rose doing these days?" Dr. Clarke's first name was Virginia. She had grown up in Virginia, Minnesota, and I think she was still annoyed by her unimaginative parents, because she liked to use her middle name, Rose. I almost exclusively used 'Dr. Clarke' when speaking with or about her. "I've been seeing her for a couple of months now. She's nice." I never seemed to know how to answer questions like that. I grimaced inwardly at my awkwardness. "She's a sweetheart, and good at her job. I saw her for years." She led me over to a glass counter filled with hundreds of small labeled bottles. "So, are we looking for something to help you relax?" "Something to help me remember." I paused briefly, trying to find the right words. "Well, remembering isn't the issue." I felt a rush of awkwardness and a little bit of embarrassment in talking about something so personal with a stranger. My cheeks flushed, and I looked at the bottles in the case to ensure I didn't accidentally make eye contact. "I want to be able to focus on just the one thing." "Tell me about it." I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. "There's smoke from the campfire, mostly oak. Maybe a tiny bit of something acrid, like someone had thrown a plastic plate in the fire." As I spoke, I could hear Addy selecting a few bottles from a rack within the display case. "Pine trees. Even with the smoke, the pines smell strong." "Spruce?" Addy asked politely. "No, White Pine. The needles and sap are everywhere." "Anything else?" I took another deep breath but didn't reply. "Sometimes there's things around us that have a scent, but we're either too used to it, or its faint enough that we don't remember without smelling it. What else was there? Is this a campground?" Addy asked in what I recognized as being in a deliberately unobtrusive way. "It's a cabin," I replied, searching the mental image for things that may have a scent. "It's an old log cabin, surrounded by white pines. There's a log pile. My brother had been using the chainsaw earlier. My truck is parked in the driveway, it smells like gas because the tank leaks a little bit. Someone had mowed the little patch of grass in front of the cabin." "Is there anyone there, wearing perfume or aftershave?" I nodded my head in the affirmative. Addy gave me time to answer. "She..." I struggled to find words to describe Melissa's scent. How do you describe such a thing to someone? How do you describe a sunset to a blind person, or describe to a deaf person the emotions evoked by the Moonlight Sonata? She smelled like love, and I still smell her on the clothes I keep in her dresser. "You know how strawberry plants don't smell like strawberry? Not like the fake strawberry candy scent?" Of course, she did, but I went on. "A strawberry blossom. Delicate, faint, with just the promise of sweetness." "She was someone special," Addy said, in more of a statement than a question. "I ended up marrying her. She;" A tear rolled down my cheek. "Nine years ago;" I just couldn't force the words out of my mouth. I could tell Addy the exact date and time. I could tell her that we had just gone to see The Martian in the movie theater and that the night was clear and cool after the late August thunderstorm earlier that afternoon. I could tell her what song was playing on the radio. I could tell her the look on Melissa's face when the headlights crossed through the median in front of us. What I couldn't say, was physically unable to, was that nine years ago, Melissa died. "It's okay, dear," Addy said. She had a grandmotherly voice, full of kindness and understanding. For the briefest of moments, the power of that gentle voice made me believe that yes, everything would be okay. "Give me a few minutes, and I'll have something for you to try." I nodded and wandered away from the counter, absently browsing the candles and incense as I tried to compose myself. As I looked through the shop it occurred to me how posh the place seemed. High-dollar products are meant to be sold to people who have the luxury of ignoring price tags. I did not have that luxury. I felt anxiety and a general shame of the complete fuck up I had become. If this costs more than about forty dollars, I wouldn't be able to afford groceries this week. "Charles, it's ready," Addy called from the other side of the store. I walked over and closed my eyes as she extended a small glass bottle filled with clear liquid. I breathed deeply and conjured the scene in my mind. The scent of Addy's mixture hit me like a lightning bolt. It was like reading a book in the dark, and then someone turned on the lights. Everything came into sharp focus like I was there. The smoke, the pines, and, My breath caught in my throat. Buried deep within the mix there was something light, something so tenuous you hardly knew it was there. It was Melissa. In my mind, she threw herself into my arms, and I could smell her. I could smell her. "How?" I asked, looking her in the eyes for the first time since my initial glance. Addy smiled warmly, and I could see genuine care in her face, not just the politeness of a shop owner to a customer. "If she had been wearing perfume, it would have been harder. We remember scents much better than we think we do. Sometimes all we need is a little hint, and it's brought right to the front." Dr. Clarke was right, Addy was good. "Your idea about the strawberry flowers was good. They're very faint and don't smell like much at all, definitely not strawberries. But when you know that you have strawberry flowers, and you smell them, your brain brings up the memory of strawberries. Scents are all connected in our minds, and are rooted deep down at the very foundation of memory." Addy put a rubber stopper in the bottle and carefully placed the bottle in a velvet pouch with her shop's logo on it. She held it out for me to take. A tear dripped off my jaw, and I quickly wiped my face on a sleeve. "How much?" I started to ask, again acutely aware of my wrinkled clothes, my general lack of personal hygiene, and the depressingly small balance of my bank account. Addy cut me off with a raised hand. "Rose is a friend of mine, and any friend of hers is also a friend of mine." She pushed the velvet bag into my hands. "No, I can't;" Addy stopped me again. "Most of my clients just want something that smells nice in their bathroom, or to cover the smell of weed. I'm perfectly happy to take their money." She placed her hands on mine, still clutching the velvet bag. "It's very rare that I get to help someone. Take it as a gift, with my thanks." I was speechless, and fresh tears rolled down my face. I couldn't remember the last time someone was so altruistically kind to me. "Thank you." Was all I could say. To be continued in part 6. Based on a post by NewMountain80, in 6 parts, for Literotica.

Dewdrops glisten on the branches, and the air is fresh, slightly cool from the passing night. Sunbeams dance through the veil of mist, and in the quiet, a small forest brook murmurs as it winds between moss-covered stones and roots.The brook's water is clear and cold, bubbling and flowing gently, its sound soft and soothing. Along its banks grow ferns and moss, and here and there, a solitary wood cranesbill blooms. High in the canopy, the bright, clear song of a song thrush rings out — its phrases shifting and following one another like a meditative poem.

In this episode of Chatzzz, we're joined by Julie Blundell, Head of Income Generation and Marketing at Annie Mawson's Sunbeams Music Trust. Sunbeams is a charity dedicated to providing Community Music Therapy for disabled children and adults across Cumbria, aiming to improve quality of life and self-esteem through the creative power of music.Julie discusses the charity's transformative Music For Life® and Music For Dignity® projects, which deliver music sessions at various venues, including care homes, special schools, and hospices. The team of specialist musicians uses live music, singing, movement, and sign language to support individuals with a wide range of disabilities and mental health needs.Sunbeams believes in long-term impact, offering continuous, free services supported by grants and donations. Tune in to hear how Sunbeams is making a real difference to the health and wellbeing of its community, and enhancing the arts in rural Cumbria.

Cue the filler music! Adriel and Démar are taking a look back into the annals of Album Mode history and to find the best debut projects they've ever reviewed. When you've been podcasting for nearly 5 years, you can do that. We're talking Unknown T, Olivia Rodrigo and of course the goddess, PinkPantheress and more!Timecodes:5:36 - Framework of the context of the artist6:28 - The album that is the furthest in their career7:39 - Arlo Parks15:34 - Has a lane can work with more of the street artists16:07 - Folk artist but gritty16:56 - The Last Dinner Party22:37 - Silk Sonic25:59 - Too retro?26:16 - Credible but not eligible30:55 - Music is more popular than she is32:44 - In a sweet spot of being more then 12 songs but no too long35:24 - (Sour) Taylor Swift meets Paramore / Avril Lavigne42:02 - Lil Nas X46:28 - Picking and choosing what's a debut album47:00 - Destroy Lonely48:28 - Rise above hate – first review55:04 - Glorilla55:55 - Tommy Richman59:03 - Best way to go about dropping a debut album Follow us:TikTok: Album Mode: https://www.tiktok.com/@albummodepodAdriel: https://www.tiktok.com/@adrielsmileydotcom Démar: https://www.tiktok.com/@godkingdemiInstagram:Album Mode: https://www.instagram.com/albummodepod/Adriel: https://www.instagram.com/adrielsmileydotcom/Démar: https://www.instagram.com/demarjgrant/Twitter:Album Mode: https://twitter.com/AlbumModepodAdriel: https://twitter.com/AdrielSmiley_Démar: https://twitter.com/DemarJGrant ===================================

This Devotional address with Scott Burton was delivered on March 25th at 11:30 AM MST in the BYU-Idaho I-Center. Scott Burton is a computer science faculty member and the program director of the online software development program offered through BYU-Pathway Worldwide. He holds a Ph.D. in computer science from Brigham Young University, where his research combined machine learning and health science. Scott also earned a master's degree from Utah State University, a bachelor's degree from BYU, and an associate degree from Snow College. Prior to his time at BYU-Idaho, he worked as a software engineer, where he led teams in developing custom software and web applications for clients. In addition to his work in computer science, Scott enjoys running, cycling, and hiking. He has served in the Church in a number of capacities, including many years with the young men in the Aaronic Priesthood quorums. His favorite calling has been teaching the Sunbeams with his wife. Scott is married to Amber Lee Burton, and they are the parents of four children.

the sunbeams dance like diamonds on the main - #4006 (88R32 pc 530 left) by chair house 241202.mp3the sunbeams dance like diamonds on the main■画像生成AIを活用して漫画を描いてみました。ピアノ万葉集のピアノ音楽創作プロセスの《迎在祀送》の説明の漫画。前に９コマ漫画で描いたことがあるのですが、今回は４枚漫画（２４コマくらいかな）を描きま..

#4006 (88.32% 530 left): Dec. 2 2024: The sunmeams dance like diamonds on the main (E.H.Coleridge from Sep. 2, 2024) Today's pure primal piano music here. Happy if this music makes you feel peaceful.. : ) Looking for absolute natural beauty every day for Piano Ten Thousand Leaves. Target number is 4536: This piece may might have good 1/f fluctuation characteristic although I stopped investigating it each piece. CONTENT: daily "Piano Ten Thousand Leaves" movie Youtube PLAYLIST https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIo6A8vorVT3q25jUK8Jr3v0nIloQAf3x New Content: daily "Piano Ten Thousand Leaves" Movie here. https://youtu.be/jDvDBZKYOLA?si=hr_5i6HTaCu06WJ6 https://youtu.be/UFVogOG0urQ?si=AzUM77S-NxAavJDu https://youtu.be/SBHy32mYEUE?si=U78rik_4v3zlOpuw https://youtu.be/jX0eEL8fDuI?si=iHKwgP30rUSFGVqs https://youtu.be/uJqRVg0TqEM?si=J5m1eJpnPQQ4gP7E https://youtu.be/NfEk9_buEO0?si=iz4JXZxnybuvQPzm https://youtu.be/GyYdph65a2k?si=ts2hyX-OXK3ibht6 https://youtu.be/0owQ-2Jg57g?si=CCWlJ-ZKAGx2_equ https://youtu.be/hvn_pGf3suM?si=k4WEeul2zfdAm_Fv https://youtu.be/LnEeCGwd3sg?si=MMTLaBDytrBct1uO https://youtu.be/Am3TkLmr1BY?si=q9un36e8R6Y1XAim https://youtu.be/v4mrH5R704k?si=sttl8-857qlDmf84 https://youtu.be/A1gSpX0BSTk?si=vY8f9EQkbYbanH_W https://youtu.be/Kmv3OsX23tQ?si=kDrPOV41ekFx9csf https://youtu.be/4VsCYv3sGso?si=wCP2UM4T1xzntYJU ********** My new message: "Does it make sense to preserve it for 1000 years? Today's cover ART is created by #Midjourney (Art Generating #AI), according to my wish. Happy if you like it. spotify playlist 18 hours 449 songs, makes you fully relaxed. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0RCxA8SaySzoFzpQmTCLfo?si=92c44191513340ff Recent My Weekly Video Magazine of piano ten thousand leaves https://youtu.be/yCCufZCMnDQ?si=pLt98vOleJcioH-m Weekly Piano Ten Thousand Leaves Magazine ; super beautiful video .. https://youtu.be/nn5_M4Nrvhg?si=N7hL_xrnDqc46si_ ====== Piano Ten Thousand Leaves - Tweets Creation Note: An epic story of wandering music creation https://a.co/d/0RN78Ga ( 1.36US$ #amazon #kindle, #Paperback also available: 20.11US$) ====== I'm now making Archive site of Piano Ten Thousand Leaves project by utilizing #wordpress. Basically nice direction I've already gotten.. : ) Currently 1100 pieces already achieved. But this week I need to do something else, so I'm going to stop this task for a bit. ######## NEW 28th SELECTION ALBUM JUST RELEASED ######## "Forest in Moon Light" - the 28th selection album of piano ten thousand leaves youtube: FULL VIDEO with 20 full songs in very high quality sounds https://youtu.be/CwTVgfDHCn4?si=1QktmBR1FEGA-tQH spotify https://open.spotify.com/intl-ja/album/1RxJBVCU5vdt5O6kGUMbnv?si=hLjW3kbTThegEBOjgTHUbw appleMusic https://music.apple.com/jp/album/forest-in-moon-light/1773383143 amazonMusic https://amazon.co.jp/music/player/albums/B0DJVSVF5K?marketplaceId=A1VC38T7YXB528&musicTerritory=JP&ref=dm_sh_V1XCbECO4uUYzRVs8apKAEEBl all music streaming services: https://linkco.re/SYNa3ueY?lang=en

Welcome to the first episode of The Sabers Playbook! Before we get into the real game, your 3 hosts, Neicy, Jen and Mary along with their producer Nettie, are going to be discussing their overall thoughts and feelings of the whole series. Get to know your hosts, the characters, our favorite episodes, our not so favorite episodes, and how excited we are to start this 9 season long journey with you, the Sunbeams! SUBSCRIBE!!!!!! Follow them on Social Media! ⁠https://x.com/SabersPlaybook⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/sabersplaybook/⁠ ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@sabersplaybook⁠ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antoinette-q-smith/support

Fluent Fiction - Norwegian: Sunbeams and Second Chances: A Sibling's Reunion Find the full episode transcript, vocabulary words, and more:fluentfiction.org/sunbeams-and-second-chances-a-siblings-reunion Story Transcript:Nb: Solen sto høyt på himmelen, kastet lysstråler gjennom de sprukne vinduene i det gamle lagerbygget.En: The sun hung high in the sky, casting beams of light through the cracked windows of the old warehouse.Nb: Bygningens vegger var dekket i graffiti, vitner om tiden som hadde gått siden Einar og Solveig lekte der som barn.En: The building's walls were covered in graffiti, witnesses to the time that had passed since Einar and Solveig played there as children.Nb: Nå var det en ensom plass, bare fylt av minner.En: Now it was a lonely place, filled only with memories.Nb: Einar sto midt på det støvete gulvet, hendene i lommene.En: Einar stood in the middle of the dusty floor, hands in his pockets.Nb: Han så rundt seg, hørte ekkoet av latter som en gang fylte rommet.En: He looked around, hearing the echo of laughter that once filled the room.Nb: Selv om han hadde vært borte lenge, tenkte han alltid på dette stedet som et hjem.En: Even though he had been away for a long time, he always thought of this place as home.Nb: Solveig nærmet seg nølende fra døråpningen.En: Solveig approached hesitantly from the doorway.Nb: Hennes skritt var tunge, og hun bar på mange følelser.En: Her steps were heavy, burdened with many emotions.Nb: Hun hadde ikke ønsket å møte Einar.En: She hadn't wanted to meet Einar.Nb: Fortiden var vanskelig å glemme, spesielt etter at hun hadde båret ansvaret for faren alene.En: The past was hard to forget, especially after she had shouldered the responsibility for their father alone.Nb: "Einar," sa hun kort, stående et stykke borte fra ham.En: "Einar," she said shortly, standing a distance away from him.Nb: Einar så opp, et lite smil på leppene, men med nervøsitet i øynene.En: Einar looked up, a faint smile on his lips but with nervousness in his eyes.Nb: "Takk for at du kom, Solveig," svarte han.En: "Thank you for coming, Solveig," he replied.Nb: Tonen hans var myk, men full av usikkerhet.En: His tone was soft but full of uncertainty.Nb: De stilte seg begge der, omgitt av gamle minner.En: They both stood there, surrounded by old memories.Nb: Solveig visste at hun ikke kunne snu ryggen til ham, ikke i dag.En: Solveig knew she couldn't turn her back on him, not today.Nb: Men så mange følelser lå mellom dem, og ordene kom ikke lett.En: But so many emotions lay between them, and the words didn't come easily.Nb: "Du dro," sa hun til slutt, mer som en konstatering enn en anklage.En: "You left," she said finally, more as a statement than an accusation.Nb: "Jeg vet," svarte Einar, stemmen hans full av angrer.En: "I know," Einar replied, his voice filled with regret.Nb: "Jeg ønsket ikke å forlate deg, men jeg var..." Han lette etter ordene, "redd."En: "I didn't want to leave you, but I was..." He searched for the words, "afraid."Nb: Det var stille.En: There was silence.Nb: Solveig så bort, som om hun lette etter noe rundt henne som kunne gi svarene hun trengte.En: Solveig looked away, as if searching for something around her that could give her the answers she needed.Nb: Hun tenkte på tiden hun brukte på å ta vare på faren, alle nettene med bekymringer.En: She thought about the time she spent caring for their father, all the nights filled with worry.Nb: Hun var sint, men også trist.En: She was angry, but also sad.Nb: "Jeg forlot alt," fortsatte Einar, "og du ble igjen med alt.En: "I left everything," Einar continued, "and you stayed with it all.Nb: Jeg kan ikke ta det tilbake, men jeg vil gjøre det bedre."En: I can't take that back, but I want to make it better."Nb: Solveigs øyne fyltes med tårer, men hun lot dem ikke falle.En: Solveig's eyes welled up with tears, but she didn't let them fall.Nb: Hun ønsket å si ham at det ikke var nok, men noen del av henne ønsket også å tro at det var mulig å reparere.En: She wanted to tell him it wasn't enough, but some part of her also wanted to believe it was possible to mend things.Nb: "Barndommen vår var her," sa hun og så rundt på det gamle lageret.En: "Our childhood was here," she said, glancing around the old warehouse.Nb: "Det var her vi hadde det gøy."En: "This is where we had fun."Nb: "Einar," sa hun, denne gangen litt mykere.En: "Einar," she said, this time a little softer.Nb: "Jeg vet at du prøvde å finne din egen vei.En: "I know you tried to find your own path.Nb: Kanskje det er på tide å finne en vei tilbake?"En: Maybe it's time to find a way back?"Nb: Einar nikket, og steg varsomt nærmere henne.En: Einar nodded and cautiously stepped closer to her.Nb: Fjernheten som hadde holdt dem adskilt begynte å svinne.En: The distance that had kept them apart began to fade.Nb: De var fortsatt usikre, men begge var villige til å prøve.En: They were still uncertain, but both were willing to try.Nb: Som solstrålene som brøt gjennom de skitne vinduene, begynte håpet å finne veien inn i deres hjerter.En: Like the sunbeams breaking through the dirty windows, hope began to find its way into their hearts.Nb: De innså at deres felles fortid var verdt å bevare, og at familiens bånd kunne leges, sakte men sikkert.En: They realized that their shared past was worth preserving, and that family ties could be healed, slowly but surely.Nb: De var ikke der ennå, men de hadde begynt reisen.En: They weren't there yet, but they had begun the journey.Nb: Det var nok for nå.En: That was enough for now. Vocabulary Words:hung: stobeams: lysstrålercracked: spruknewarehouse: lagerbyggetgraffiti: graffitiwitnesses: vitnermemories: minnerhesitantly: nølendeburdened: bar påresponsibility: ansvaretfaint: litenervousness: nervøsitetuncertainty: usikkerhetsurrounded: omgittaccusation: anklageregret: angrershouldered: båretmend: reparerewelled up: fyltesgazing: såpath: veidistance: fjernhetennodded: nikketcautiously: varsomtapart: adskiltpreserving: bevarehealed: legesshared: fellessunbeams: solstrålerslowly: sakte

Arlo Parks became an international sensation after the release of her 2021 breakout album Collapsed in Sunbeams earned the singer, songwriter several Grammy and BRIT award nominations. With this newfound success, Parks took an even more introspective approach on her highly anticipated sophomore effort My Soft Machine. The deeply personal record narrates Parks' transition into adulthood with a much more dynamic soundtrack than her debut, showcasing a new exploratory approach to her artistry.

Blue Light Therapy, also known as photodynamic therapy (PDT), was first introduced in the late 1990s as a promising treatment for various skin conditions. The therapy involves the application of a photosensitizing agent, typically aminolevulinic acid (ALA) or methyl aminolevulinate (MAL), to the skin, followed by exposure to a specific wavelength of blue light (415-495 nm). The photosensitizer is selectively absorbed by abnormal or precancerous cells, and when activated by blue light, it generates reactive oxygen species that destroy the targeted cells while leaving healthy tissue unharmed.

Find a quiet space to sit, relax, and breathe as Julie Potiker transports you through her guided visualization meditation. She completes the meditation with her poem, "Immersed & Transported"."Immersed & Transported", by Julie PotikerSoon, I arrive -a sea of humanity spilling into ornate building.Sunbeams escape my smileas volunteer scans my ticket, the playbill - a treasure map   clutched to my chest.Find my row by letter of alphabet,lay my coat open as burrow, sink into faded velvet chair.House lights down, stage lights up, magic.All senses heightened – flapping for attention.Flesh and blood, bones, and muscleinhabit worlds – words,meticulously crafted.Step into another skin,pour into another soul,to birth this gift.This baby is love.I cradle it, snuggled into my soft nest.If I'm being truthful,sometimes I teleport my soul into one character,or beam into multiple characters.My feet rest on their feet,my heart beats in rhythm with their hearts.Their voice becomes mine.Escape thoughts of war,free from earthly problems,flight from this one precious life.What could be better?Find out more about using mindfulness in everyday life through Julie's books, "SNAP: From Calm to Chaos", and "Life Falls Apart, But You Don't have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos". Both are available on Amazon.com.Follow Julie on YouTube and Facebook at Mindful Methods for Life.comThis podcast is available on iTunes, iHeart, Blubrry and everywhere you listen to podcasts.

I wanted to revisit an episode about one of my favorite songs from 2021, “Black Dog” by Arlo Parks. A few months after this episode originally came out, Arlo Parks won the Mercury Prize for Album of the Year. She was also nominated for two Grammys: Best New Artist and Best Alternative Album. Since then, she released a new album called My Soft Machine, and she's going to be on tour this spring. Arlo Parks is a singer and songwriter from London. In January 2021, she released her debut album, Collapsed in Sunbeams. It hit number three on the UK charts, and she won this year's BRIT award for Breakthrough Artist. Last year, NME called her song "Black Dog" the year's "most devastating song." In this episode, Anaïs breaks down “Black Dog," which she made with producer Gianluca Buccellati. For more, visit songexploder.net/arlo-parks.

Mentioned in this episode:SBCC Office of Communications - https://www.sbcc.edu/officeofcommunications/Jessica Fletcher - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_FletcherOOC Staff - https://www.sbcc.edu/officeofcommunications/staff.phpMy SBCC - https://www.sbcc.edu/mysbcc/Adventism - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AdventismUCSB Resident Assistants - https://www.housing.ucsb.edu/current-residents/become-a-resident-assistant/overviewIsla VIsta Love and Remembrance Garden - http://www.ivparks.org/memorialgarden/lrg.htmlSanta Barbara Foundation - https://sbfoundation.org/Cheez-It Mac and Cheese - https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/three-cheese-mac-with-cheez-itreg-herb-crumb-crust-recipe-3383242Cheesecake - https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1019037-classic-cheesecakePomegranate - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PomegranateFesenjoon - https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1020224-khoresh-e-fesenjoon-persian-chicken-stew-with-pomegranate-and-walnutsMeet Up Restaurant - https://www.meetuprestaurant.com/Sichuan Peppercorn - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sichuan_pepperScavengers Reign - https://www.max.com/shows/scavengers-reign/50c8ce6d-088c-42d9-9147-d1b19b1289d4Scavengers (Original short that led to Scavengers Reign) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TRzemJbUswN95 by Kendrick Lamar (contains lyric Jordan mentioned) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI383uEwA6QBlack Cake by Charmaine WIlkerson - https://charmspen.com/black-cake/SOS by SZA - https://www.szasos.com/Praise A Lord Who Chews But Which Does Not Consume; (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds) by Yves Tumor - https://yves-tumor.bandcamp.com/album/praise-a-lord-who-chews-but-which-does-not-consume-or-simply-hot-between-worldsMy Soft Machine by Arlo Parks - https://arloparks.bandcamp.com/album/my-soft-machineCollapsed in Sunbeams by Arlo Parks - https://arloparks.bandcamp.com/album/collapsed-in-sunbeamsHoney by Samia - https://samia.bandcamp.com/album/honeyKathy Najimy - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathy_NajimyDan Finnerty - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_FinnertyOblivion Will Own Me and Death Alone Will Love Me (Void Filler) by Short Fictions - https://shortfictions.bandcamp.com/album/oblivion-will-own-me-and-death-alone-will-love-me-void-fillerKathy Najimy Hocus Pocus interview - https://www.today.com/popculture/movies/hocus-pocus-2-viral-clip-kathy-najimy-rcna51372

Theme: Lent inspired songsLead: LizMUSICDust We Are and Shall Return Written  & performed by: The Brilliance From dust we've come andDust we are and shall returnBe still my soul and let it goJust let it goGlory to GodGlory to God in the highestGlory to GodGlory to God in the highestNaked we came and shallReturn into the graveBe still my soul and let it goJust let it goBe still my soulLord make me wholeLord make me wholeGlory to GodGlory to God in the highestGlory to GodGlory to God John Arndt, David Gungor, Kate Gungor © 2012 Integrity Worship Music/The BrillianceForty Days and For­ty NightsA new arrangement of the Lenten hymn Performed by: Engage WorshipForty days and for­ty nightsThou wast fast­ing in the wild;Forty days and for­ty nightsTempted, and yet un­de­filed.Sunbeams scorch­ing all the day;Chilly dew-drops night­ly shed;Prowling beasts about Thy way;Stones Thy pil­low; earth Thy bed.Should not we Thy sor­row shareAnd from world­ly joys ab­stain,Fasting with un­ceas­ing prayer,Strong with Thee to suf­fer pain?Then if Sa­tan on us press,Jesus, Sav­ior, hear our call!Victor in the wild­er­ness,Grant we may not faint nor fall!So shall we have peace di­vine:Holier glad­ness ours shall be;Round us, too, shall an­gels shine,Such as min­is­tered to Thee.Keep, O keep us, Sav­ior dear,Ever con­stant by Thy side;That with Thee we may ap­pearAt the eter­nal East­er­tide.Lyrics: “Forty Days and Forty Nights” by George H Smyttan (1822-1870).

Bien et Toi - "Haiku" from the 2023 Voici EP on Temple Records L.A.-based producer Gianluca Buccellati has been racking up accolades, especially for his work on the 2021 Arlo Parks album Collapsed in Sunbeams. He crafts just as much beauty on his own music, which he records under the name Bien et Toi.  With its warm, sunny vibes, his latest EP — the six-song release Voici — is the perfect antidote to grey winter weather. "This collection of songs was created when I was in a completely carefree state of flow,” Buccellati said in a press statement. “After my last EP [2022's London Safari], I wanted to create a body of work that had less features and felt more personal. This EP is for people to let loose to, a soundtrack for pool parties or warmer nights."  Read the full story at KEXP.orgSupport the show: https://www.kexp.org/donateSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

"Cat Heads in Space" - Episode 12: "The Blackout and the Beams of Hope"

When one door closes, another opens. How might an eviction lead to a brand new life in a luxury hotel?November 5th, 1932, Cobina Wright moves out of her Sutton Place home and now becomes homeless along with her 10 year daughter Lil Cobina Wright, Jr. At the last minute, an opportunity arrives to live at the luxurious Waldorf-Astoria hotel.Other people and subjects include: William May Wright aka “Bill,” Lucius Boomer, Ted Saucier, Elsa Maxwell, William Waldorf Astor, Caroline Astor, Carrie Astor, Orme Wilson, Jr., Grace Wilson Vanderbilt, John Jacob Astor VI aka “Jakey,” Vincent Astor, Princess Ava Alice Astor Obolensky, James “Henry” Van Alen, William “Sam” Van Alen, Princess Louise Van Alen Mdivani, Josep Maria Sert, Alva Vanderbilt Belmont, Consuelo Vanderbilt, Jay Gould, Bertha Russell, Gladys Russell, George Russell, Wall Street Crash of 1929, moving, Sutton Place, Sutton Club, Waldorf-Astoria, Waldorf-Astoria Manhattan, Sert Room, Basildon Room, Jade Room, ballroom, The Gilded Age tv series, pain, joy, grit, resilience, hope--Extra Notes / Call to Action:New York Adventure Club www.nyadventureclub.com Instagram & Facebook Groups: MansionsoftheGildedAge and TheGildedAgeSociety by Gary Lawrance**Submit questions to As The Money Burns social media accounts for the upcoming 100th episode.Share, like, subscribe--Archival Music provided by Past Perfect Vintage Music, www.pastperfect.com.Opening Music: My Heart Belongs to Daddy by Billy Cotton, Album The Great British Dance BandsSection 1 Music: Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Freddy Gardner, Album Elegance 2Section 2 Music: The Younger Generation by Ray Noble, Album The Great Dance Bands Play Hits of the 30sSection 3 Music: Sing A Song of Sunbeams by Ronnie Munro & Orchestra, Albums Tea Dance 2 & The Great Bands Dance Bands Play Hits Of The 30sEnd Music: My Heart Belongs to Daddy by Billy Cotton, Album The Great British Dance Bands--https://asthemoneyburns.com/TW / IG – @asthemoneyburnsFacebook – https://www.facebook.com/asthemoneyburns/

Arlo Parks is a singer, songwriter and poet. Her debut album, Collapsed in Sunbeams was released when she was just 21 and earned her two Grammy nominations, a BRIT Award and the Mercury Music Prize. Her second, My Soft Machine, came out earlier this year. This month also marks the publication of her first volume of poetry, The Magic Border, a collection of never-before-seen poems and song lyrics.Parks joins me to talk about her faiure to create a perfect piece of work, her failure to save others, her failure to fit into what other people think of her - and why Phoebe Bridgers epitomises 'big brother energy'. I loved talking to this beautiful human - her thoughtfulness and her lyrical expression will soothe you and make you think.Enjoy!--Arlo's poetry collection, The Magic Border, is out now.--I'm going on tour! To AUSTRALIA, mate! You can now purchase tickets to see me live at Sydney Opera House on 26th February 2024 or the Arts Centre Melbourne on 28th February 2024.--How To Fail With Elizabeth Day is hosted and produced by Elizabeth Day. To contact us, email howtofailpod@gmail.com--Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayHow To Fail @howtofailpodArlo Parks @arlo.parks

Episode 530 also includes an E.W. Prose Piece titled "Bunk-Beds." We share some Sunbeams (aka quotes) regarding Music as published in the July 2023 Issue of The Sun Magazine. We have an E.W. Poem called "Aria Fresca." Our music this go round is provided by these wonderful artists: Thelonious Monk, Mattiel, Patti Smith, David Bowie, Branford Marsalis and Terence Blanchard.  Commercial Free, Small Batch Radio Crafted in the West Mountains of Northeastern Pennsylvania... Heard All Over The World. Tell Your Friends and Neighbors.

It's the SEASON FINALE of Sunbeams!!! We did it!If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmcFeaturing:Jae K. RenfrowGail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell)David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus)___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth____________________________________Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.comTwitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepthFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepthinstagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepthTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth_____________________________________Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/_____________________________________Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.comSound design by Jae._____________________________________

Today, we sit with singer-songwriter Arlo Parks! At the top, we discuss the arrival of her new record My Soft Machine (4:26), how performing with Harry Styles and Billie Eilish transformed her work in the studio (7:08), and the vivid memory behind her new song “Devotion” (9:50). Then, we talk about her intuitive writing process (11:26), fueled by an affinity for poetry (13:39), and the influences behind her earliest pieces of music (20:05). On the back-half, Parks describes the winding path to her debut album Collapsed in Sunbeams (30:12), this profound chapter turn from the first to second record (39:07), returning to her “fifteen minutes of presence” as a writer (41:40), her striking new song “Puppy” (42:17), and her ever-evolving relationship to capturing the past (44:12).See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lazarus is under immense pressure and Labyrinth has nowhere to hide! It looks like Baron Nightcloak has the upper hand, and it's going to take everything our heroes have to save, not only Mrs. Lapidus, but perhaps the entire universe! High above the city of Solis Bay, heroes and villains collide in this penultimate episode of Sunbeams!If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmcFeaturing:Jae K. RenfrowGail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell)David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus)___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth____________________________________Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.comTwitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepthFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepthinstagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepthTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth_____________________________________Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/_____________________________________Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.comSound design by Jae._____________________________________

Labyrinth comes face to face with Baron Nightcloak and must fight to save herself and a feeble Nick Northcutt. Meanwhile Zack Lapidus is looking for Jackson Jones in hopes that his classmate will lead him to the nefarious Mr. Bliss.With the our heroes focus divided, it may be a prime time for the villains of Solis Bay to strike where it hurts.If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmcFeaturing:Jae K. RenfrowGail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell)David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus)___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth____________________________________Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.comTwitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepthFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepthinstagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepthTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth_____________________________________Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/_____________________________________Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.comSound design by Jae._____________________________________

A large public spectacle features an heiress at its center, but all that attention comes with other warnings. April 1932, Barbara Hutton serves the primary role in the Spirit of Adventure charity pageant at Madison Square Garden.  The whole event is a family affair, and many others participate over the night's activities. Other people and subjects include: Marjorie Merriweather Post Hutton, E.F. Hutton, Franklyn Hutton, Irene Hutton, James “Jimmy” H.R. Cromwell, Phil Plant, Evalyn Walsh McLean, Gaston Means, Charles Lindbergh, Charles Lindbergh, Jr., Sophia Brownell Hutton, Eleanor Van Alen – Mrs. James “Henry” Van Alen, “Birdie” Virginia Graham Fair Vanderbilt – Mrs. William K. Vanderbilt, Amelia Earhart, George Palmer Putnam, Eleanor Smith, Kermit Roosevelt, Vincent Astor, Captain Robert Bartlett, Walter Granger, Martin Johnson, Osa Johnson, George Eastman, bullfighter Sidney Franklin,  Aubrey Van Nostrand, Mrs. Tony Biddle, Jr., Earl of Gosford, Countess of Gosford Beatrice Claflin Acheson, Mrs. “Georgia” Lucius Boomer, Florenz Ziegfeld, Mrs. Florenz Ziegfeld – Billie Burke – Glinda the Good Witch The Wizard of Oz, Netflix The Diplomat, Joseph Urban, Fred Ward, June Blossom, Mrs. William Randolph Hearst, Lila Agnew Stewart, John Harkrider, Dean Jennings, socialites, exotic, adventure, explorers, historical explorers, retrospect, radium glowing costumes, bodyguards, arrest -- Extra Notes / Call to Action:New York Adventure Club www.nyadventureclub.comCheck out Gary Lawrance's webinars on the Gilded Age mansions & owners Share, like, subscribe                                                                                                                                       --Archival Music provided by Past Perfect Vintage Music, www.pastperfect.com.Opening Music: My Heart Belongs to Daddy by Billy Cotton, Album The Great British Dance BandsSection 1 Music: Red Sails In The Sunset by Casani Club Orchestra, Album The Great Dance Bands Play Hits of the 30sSection 2 Music:On The Beach At Bali Bali by Billy Merrin & His Commanders, Albums The Great Dance Bands Play Hits of the 30s & Tea Dance 2Section 3 Music: Sing A Song of Sunbeams by Ronnie Munro & Orchestra, Albums Tea Dance 2 & The Great Bands Dance Bands Play Hits Of The 30sEnd Music: My Heart Belongs to Daddy by Billy Cotton, Album The Great British Dance Bands -- https://asthemoneyburns.com/TW / IG – @asthemoneyburns Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/asthemoneyburns/

Our heroes attempt to infiltrate the Church of Biologenesis with a bag of gyros and a pretty smile, but this potluck dinner becomes way more than they bargained for. Can they figure out how to open an elevator without revealing their identity to the entire church? Can they discover Baron Nightcloak's nefarious plans? Can Nick Northcutt be any hotter?Grab your favorite snack and find out!If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmcFeaturing:Jae K. RenfrowGail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell)David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus)___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth____________________________________Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.comTwitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepthFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepthinstagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepthTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth_____________________________________Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/_____________________________________Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.comSound design by Jae._____________________________________

It's a pretty rotten day for Labyrinth!Not only is her personal life becoming a mess thanks to Nick Northcutt, now she finds herself standing against her former ally Lazarus! It's a player vs. player battle, but can Lazarus come to his senses before it's too late?Only one way to find out, dear listener!If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmcFeaturing:Jae K. RenfrowGail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell)David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus)___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth____________________________________Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.comTwitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepthFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepthinstagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepthTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth_____________________________________Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/_____________________________________Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.comSound design by Jae._____________________________________

We're back!!!!Lazarus fights the transformed Jackson Jones while Labyrinth races after a shipment of Mr. Bliss contraband. And every comic book battle needs a special guest appearance - and we've got a doozy for ya.If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmcFeaturing:Jae K. RenfrowGail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell)David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus)___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth____________________________________Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.comTwitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepthFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepthinstagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepthTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth_____________________________________Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/_____________________________________Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.comSound design by Jae._____________________________________

Experience the Tranquility of Sunbeams and Soothing Piano Music for Relaxation Welcome to the "Water Sounds " podcast, where we explore the beauty and tranquility of all types of water sounds. From the gentle trickle of a stream to the crashing waves of the ocean, we'll take you on a journey of relaxation and rejuvenation. In each episode, we'll feature a different type of water sound and take you on a virtual audio journey to some of the world's most breathtaking water bodies. Along the way, we'll also share interesting facts about each water sound and its impact on the environment. Whether you're looking to unwind after a long day or simply want to immerse yourself in the peaceful sounds of nature, the "Water Sounds " podcast has got you covered. So sit back, relax, and let the calming sounds of water transport you to a state of blissful relaxation. Don't forget to rate and review our show to let us know how we're doing and to help other listeners find our podcast. Thank you for tuning in! nature sounds,water relaxation,meditation sounds,ambient sounds,sound therapy,ocean waves,stream sounds,peaceful sounds,calming sounds,stress reliefocean sounds,water meditation,relaxing sounds,water therapy,waterfall sounds,nature therapy,#soundscapes,peaceful retreat,mindfulness meditation,water relaxation therapy,stream soundscape,ambient relaxation,relaxation music,calming background noise,white noise,natural sounds,water white noise,sleep sounds,relaxing background noise,stress relief therapy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The ISS had to fire some thrusters to dodge a collision with a satellite. The Crew-5 astronauts are scheduled to return home Saturday. And mostly positive marks for the Artemis mission around the Moon.

The crowd followed behind the boy as he held his chin up and continued to walk the road rarely traveled by others. No one had a reason anymore to take the dirt path leading to the only church remaining in the small town. That trail continued beyond the abandoned house of worship to the coast and ended beneath an ancient cypress tree. Step after step, the followers thinned out, leaving only a handful mocking the young man for his misguided faith in a long-dead ghost. The boy recalled his last conversation with his ill father as he approached the destination, "Dad, tell me again about God and how he once lived here and walked our streets."The dying man forced a smile and spoke to his eager son, "Kid, he didn't just go around chatting it up with his barber or squeezing tomatoes at the market like you and me. But he was real and was as big a part of this community as anyone else. You could see him in the faces of friends, neighbors, and even strangers passing through." Puzzled, the boy asked, "How can you see something that isn't there?"His father sat up in bed and explained, "Even when our city faced hardships, there was a sense of calm, and that was God. When our loved ones passed on and we took the time to comfort each other, that was God. When strangers stopped to smile at one another, that was God. If someone needed help and half the town volunteered, that was God. He wasn't only present at church on Sunday; he lived here every day with each of us. "What happened, Dad? Why did he leave?" The boy questioned. "He didn't go anywhere. We left him," his father insisted. The boy's chest swelled up as he asked his father, "How do I find him again? Where do I look?"A half-rotten apple struck the boy in the ankle, and the culprits laughed, but the curious adventurer refused to look back. Never losing focus, he continued on his journey. His only thoughts were of his father telling him to look for God at the top of the cypress at the end of town. But the other kids did not make his trek an easy one. They continued to throw things and voiced their opinions from a distance. "Look what I have in my pocket; it's God.""The idiot thinks he can climb a tree and see God.""If God were real, he'd let us know.""Maybe he thinks that tree will get him closer to Heaven," the children laughed and continued to call the boy names and make fun of him for seeking God. The boy paused an instant at the foot of the tree to look up and second-guess his decision. He could hear his father's voice rooting him on, so he began to climb. The remaining group insisted that the young man had lost his mind and he would eventually fall. The boy did indeed slip a couple of times and scraped his leg against the rough bark of the cypress, but he continued upward. It was as if some invisible force took control of the boy's arms and legs, propelling him toward the top. The harsh words below grew faint until, finally, the sounds vanished into the breeze. Thoughts of how such a giant tree started as a single seed hundreds of years ago entertained his imagination. He clambered until it wasn't safe to go further and relaxed on the last sturdy limb. His peers had turned into tiny specs along the ascent and were no longer a bother. The boy sat patiently, waiting to see the face of God. Sunbeams shot through the foilage, kissing his sweaty face and revealing a cross carved above a hole wide enough for an inquisitive hand. The tired young man reached in and pulled out a small pocket-sized bible. Resting his back against the tree, he started at the beginning and read for hours. With the bible tucked securely in his pocket, it was time to descend. Most of the crowd had gotten bored and found other things to do except for two children waiting patiently for the boy to come down from the cypress. One of them spoke up and asked the boy, "Did you find him? Did you find God at the top of that tree?" Desperate for an answer, both of the young people waited. The boy dug the tiny bible from his pocket, looked into the faces of the two who remained, and said, "Yeah, I found him just now." And he read from the pages to his audience.

Lazarus must deal with people knowing his secret identity, while his mom remains in the dark. Our heroes investigate The Marlin Spike Club in an effort to get closer to Mr. Bliss, but run into a very familiar face.If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmcFeaturing:Jae K. RenfrowGail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell)David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus)___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth____________________________________Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.comTwitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepthFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepthinstagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepthTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth_____________________________________Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/_____________________________________Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.comSound design by Jae._____________________________________

It's a rumble in The Box as the dastardly Mishap faces off against Labyrinth and Lazarus. Young Zack Lapidus learns a some hard lessons in this one, and the most important one doesn't come until the end of this episode! You don't want to miss this one, deal listener!If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmcFeaturing:Jae K. RenfrowGail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell)David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus)___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth____________________________________Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.comTwitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepthFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepthinstagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepthTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth_____________________________________Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/_____________________________________Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.comSound design by Jae._____________________________________

Lazarus and Labyrinth realize their team-up is far from over. Both realize there's something more sinister than the hapless failings of Nick Northcutt. Wanting to understand more about The Book of Unknown Devils, they decide they need more information from the mysterious Lima. If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmc (https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmc) Featuring: Jae K. Renfrow Gail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell) David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus) ___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth) ____________________________________ Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.com (https://www.getoutofdepth.com) Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepth) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepth) instagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepth) Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth (https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth) _____________________________________ Learn more about Icons RPG: https://stevekenson.com/icons/ (https://stevekenson.com/icons/) _____________________________________ Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.com (https://www.soundstripe.com) Sound design by Jae. _____________________________________

Lazarus and Labyrinth interrogate a visitor from another time and galaxy, only to discover they're all looking for the same man... Nick Mother F'n Northcutt. Come and thrill to the first ever teamup between two of Solis Bay's finest superheroes! If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmc (https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmc) Featuring: Jae K. Renfrow Gail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell) David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus) ___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth) ____________________________________ Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.com (https://www.getoutofdepth.com) Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepth) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepth) instagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepth) Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth (https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth) _____________________________________ _____________________________________ Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.com (https://www.soundstripe.com) Sound design by Jae. _____________________________________

Lazarus investigates the how and why of the Nick Northcutt fiasco, but finds herself in something much worse. Zack Lapidus wakes up a celebrity and his Mom tries to hide him from the spotlight. Meanwhile everyone wants to know just what happened to Nick Northcutt... If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmc (https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmc) Featuring: Jae K. Renfrow Gail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell) David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus) ___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth) ____________________________________ Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.com (https://www.getoutofdepth.com) Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepth) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepth) instagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepth) Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth (https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth) _____________________________________ _____________________________________ Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.com (https://www.soundstripe.com) Sound design by Jae. _____________________________________

It's a new season which means a new game, new characters, and a new story! On the tragic anniversary of Solis Bay's greatest hero's death, two heroes are brought together at a high school football game. But when movie star Nick Northcutt's life is threatened they must risk revealing their identities to save his life. Come join us as we play Icons, a superhero themed RPG If you want to learn more about the weird world we're playing in - we started a World Anvil page for you! It is going to be updated with lore and articles about the universe our game(and future games) will be set in. So if you want to learn all the weird little details about this world you can start exploring Waves Beyond Limit at: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmc (https://www.worldanvil.com/w/waves-beyond-limit-jaedmc) Featuring: Jae K. Renfrow Gail as Labyrinth(Gracie Hartwell) David as Lazarus (Zack Lapidus) ___________________________ Support us at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.patreon.com/getoutofdepth) ____________________________________ Website: https://www.getoutofdepth.com (https://www.getoutofdepth.com) Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.twitter.com/getoutofdepth) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.facebook.com/getoutofdepth) instagram: https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepth (https://www.instagram.com/getoutofdepth) Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth (https://www.twitch.tv/out_of_depth) _____________________________________ _____________________________________ Music, Stems and SFX licensed by https://www.soundstripe.com (https://www.soundstripe.com) Sound design by Jae. _____________________________________

Episode 480 also includes an E.W. Essay titled "The Other Day." We share some Sunbeams on Alcohol from the July 2022 edition of The Sun Magazine.We have an E.W. poem called “Honey Crumb Cake." Our music this go round is provided by these wonderful artists: Thelonious Monk, the Who, La Excelencia, Lin-Manual Miranda, K'naan & Friends, Amy Winehouse, Haim, Branford Marsalis and Terence Blanchard. Commercial Free, Small Batch Radio Crafted in the West Mountains of Northeastern Pennsylvania... Heard All Over The World. Tell Your Friends and Neighbors

If it feels like Arlo Parks was just at KEXP, she was - sort of. With her debut album Collapsed in Sunbeams released at the very beginning of 2021 and the world being what it was then, Parks played a Live At Home session for KEXP shortly after its release. Luckily, in March, the British musician was able to make a stop at the KEXP studios to play songs off the Grammy-nominated, Mercury Prize-winning album as well as her recently released single “Softly,” the making of which she explains to Larry Mizell Jr. in this episode of Live on KEXP. Recorded 04/23/2022. Eugene Black Dog Softly Hope Watch the full Live on KEXP session on YouTube Support the show: https://www.kexp.org/donate See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If it feels like Arlo Parks was just at KEXP, she was - sort of. With her debut album Collapsed in Sunbeams released at the very beginning of 2021 and the world being what it was then, Parks played a Live At Home session for KEXP shortly after its release. Luckily, in March, the British musician was able to make a stop at the KEXP studios to play songs off the Grammy-nominated, Mercury Prize-winning album as well as her recently released single “Softly,” the making of which she explains to Larry Mizell Jr. in this episode of Live on KEXP. Recorded 04/23/2022. Eugene Black Dog Softly Hope Watch the full Live on KEXP session on YouTube Support the show: https://www.kexp.org/donate See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If Teddy Blue Abbott, he of that classic memoir of the open range, We Pointed Them North, is to be believed, the song was a worn cliche among cowboys in Montana. They got sick of it; Abbott and others made up their own, new ballads to supplant it in their night-herding repertoires.

Episode 78: Ax and Allies' Shawn Bowman and Ted Ax sit down with us to talk Sunbeams, Citroens and the ghost of Margaret Yang, live from Colorado's coolest car shop. This one's hilarious and remember kids… “Audio is the best way to experience it.” Instagram: @axandallies @thesteeringcommitteepodcast @ryanbahrke Please support those who support us: goodr sunglasses: Use the code STEERING15 at checkout for 15% off your first order at goodr.com. Swisstrax: Use the code STEER15 at checkout for 15% off your order at swisstrax.com. And for badass Belgian brews, visit our friends at Bruz Beers: bruzbeers.com.

Arlo Parks - "Softly," a 2022 single on Transgressive. This week's Song of the Day were selected by KEXP DJ Kevin Cole, host of Drive Time, in honor of International Women's Month. Re-listen to our kick-off day of programming, and explore articles and live sessions from some of our favorite female artists here.  Last year, Arlo Parks - the musical nom de plume of Anais Oluwatoyin Estelle Marinho - released her highly anticipated debut record Collapsed in Sunbeams. The intimate, compassionate lyricism combined with earworm pop musicality made the album an instant classic that was a KEXP favorite of 2021. Parks recently returned with the single “Softly,” which while bubbly and upbeat in tone, is, in reality, a heartbreaking story of a relationship on the verge of cessation. “‘Softly' is a song about yearning, about how fragile you feel in the dying days of a relationship when you're still desperately in love,” the Grammy-nominated singer - who's up for Best New Artist and Best Alternative Music Album - explained in a statement. “The song is about how it feels to brace yourself before the blow of a break up and reminisce about the days where it all felt luminous.” The song was released alongside a video by Zhang and Knight that sees a cityscape disintegrate behind Parks. The directorial duo had this to say about the video: “For us ‘Softly' explored the idea of wanting something that was once perfect to end in a gentle way, and we wanted to express this using the world surrounding Arlo. We were instinctively drawn to the warm toned, hazy nostalgia of the 1960s, as we loved the idea of something universally romantic being slowly stripped away throughout the film. We based the colors of the bricks, trims and doors on mid-century painting in order to bake this romanticism into everything. The production itself was a huge challenge, as everything was captured in-camera with each piece of the set built on wheels operated by several production crew. However, we knew it was all worth it when we saw the skyscrapers dancing around Arlo for the first time.” Arlo Parks will be in Seattle on Wednesday, March 23rd to play the Paramount supporting Clairo. The 64th Annual Grammy Awards ceremony will be held on Sunday, April 3rd. Watch the video for “Softly” at the link below. Read the full post on KEXP.org Support the show: https://www.kexp.org/donate See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In part 2 of sitting down with Treazy, we cover the great hip hop debate of who is better... Tupac or Biggie? We also get Treazy's thoughts on Grizelda & the fact that Junes just recently started listening to Lil Wayne. They do an artist/album review of the amazing Arlo Parks most recent album, "Collapsed in Sunbeams". The episode is closed out by a special early release of a song from Treazy's upcoming album, "Ask About My Premium feat. KZ"ALBUM OUT 2/8/22-INSTAGRAM-Treazy-https://www.instagram.com/treazypluspics/The Rap Dad Podcast-https://www.instagram.com/therapdadpodcast/Junes-https://www.instagram.com/renojunes/Melancholy-https://www.instagram.com/melancholy775/-YOUTUBE-Treazy- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyfDFyp0uEubpRTBPBAvgGw"SECRETS" (official video) by Treazy-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HWIa1waeTUGlass Tung- https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=glass+tungJunes-https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDufibhBgmnsYu-tpZY3BwQ-SPOTIFY-Treazy-https://open.spotify.com/artist/20p9ciWTkqHLWXE3pAIpzy?si=mh69qrnOSui6IMyxowYUawJunes- https://open.spotify.com/artist/3lQ3YYjLBvhAS0wAbmzmrN?si=vLt86BH4R0CLgNbtqvcEJgMelancholy-https://open.spotify.com/artist/1KureyR6SSmc9aTvGUNPB0?si=ZZhk_Cm8TeSgzerj2tbrVw

In this conversation, Philip talks to corporate anthropologist and author of Jam Cultures and Corporate Tribe, Jitske Kramer. They breakdown the meaning of Jam Cultures and how the concepts play out in real life. They also explore the merit of anthropology to understand corporate culture. The Drop – The segment of the show where Philip and his guest share tasty morsels of intellectual goodness and creative musings. Philip's Drop: Arlo Parks – Collasped in Sunbeams (https://open.spotify.com/album/42joEEymK7EIHODfNB4yug?si=QNnuYoJDTgS0QUIfcKLyCw&dl_branch=1) Jitske's Drop: The Good Ancestor - Roman Krznaric (https://www.romankrznaric.com/good-ancestor)

This month, Henry and I were joined by my very good friend, Bianca Haddock, from Orlando, FL to talk about the debut Arlo Parks album, 'Collapsed in Sunbeams'. Anaïs Oluwatoyin Estelle Marinho is 20 years old and goes by Arlo Parks as her stage name; this is her first and debut album, but she has been releasing music since 2018 after being discovered through BBC Introducing. This is one of my favorite albums of 2021 so far and I was really excited to get into it, so I hope you enjoy! Follow for more @londonmusicreview on Instagram and Facebook, and @LondonMusicRev on Twitter. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/londonmusicreview/support

Hosts Jim DeRogatis and Greg Kot talk about their favorite bands that have improved significantly after lineup changes. They also review new albums by British rapper Slowthai and British singer songwriter Arlo Parks. Become a member on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/soundopinionsMake a donation via PayPal: https://bit.ly/36zIhZK Record a Voice Memo: https://www.micdropp.com/studio/5febf006eba45/ Featured Songs:Arlo Parks, "Green Eyes," Collapsed in Sunbeams, Transgressive, 2021Arlo Parks, "Too Good," Collapsed in Sunbeams, Transgressive, 2021Arlo Parks, "Hope," Collapsed in Sunbeams, Transgressive, 2021Arlo Parks, "Porta 400," Collapsed in Sunbeams, Transgressive, 2021Slowthai, "Play with Fire," Tyron, Method, 2021Slowthai, "Feel Away," Tyron, Method, 2021Slowthai, "adhd," Tyron, Method, 2021Fleetwood Mac, "Albatross," Albatross (Single), Blue Horizon, 1968Fleetwood Mac, "Bermuda Triangle," Heroes Are Hard to Find, Reprise, 1974Fleetwood Mac, "World Turning," Fleetwood Mac, Reprise, 1975Genesis, "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway," The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, Charisma, 1974Genesis, "Squonk," A Trick of the Tail, Charisma, 1976James Brown, "I Got the Feelin'," I Got the Feelin', King, 1968James Brown, "Get Up (I Feel Like Being A) Sex Machine," Sex Machine, King, 1970Buzzcocks, "Boredom," Spiral Scratch, New Hormones, 1977Buzzcocks, "Autonomy," Another Music in a Different Kitchen, United Artists, 1978The Temptations, "My Girl," The Temptations Sing Smokey, Gordy, 1965The Temptations, "Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me)," The Sky's the Limit, Gordy, 1971Black Flag, "Louie Louie," Louie Louie (Single), Posh Boy, 1981Black Flag, "Best One Yet," Loose Nut, SST, 1985Rush, "Working Man," Rush, Moon, 1974Rush, "By-Tor and the Snow Dog," Fly By Night, Mercury, 1975Nirvana, "Love Buzz," Bleach, Sub Pop, 1989Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Spirit," Nevermind, DGC, 1991XTC, "This is Pop?," White Music, Virgin, 1978XTC, "Life Begins at the Hop," Life Begins at the Hop (Single), Virgin, 1979Todd Rundgren, "We Gotta Get You a Woman," Runt, Ampex, 1970Jimi Hendrix Experience, "Wait Until Tomorrow," Axis: Bold As Love, Track, 1967Lightnin' Hopkins, "Long Gone Like a Turkey Through The Corn," Country Blues, Tradition, 1959

Welcome to season 2 of The New Exchange! We're joined by Arlo Parks, a musician from London who reminds us that music can touch people. Her debut album, Collapsed In Sunbeams (out now) is already a firm standout in 2021. On today's episode, Arlo shares the work behind making her stunning album into a reality.