Podcasts about so dad

Describe a city adventure, tell a story & two-way prepositions: zwischen. In Paul's latest blog article, he had an adventure with a subway ticket inspector on his way back from Grandpa's apartment. At home, he realized that the page he found fits the book. It is the lost page with the missing part of the old address! That's the place where Grandpa's friend and the painting used to be! The page probably fell out again at some point after Grandpa glued it in. In the blog comments, Paul's readers say they want to buy his story as a book, but he's not interested in writing one. He gets a message from Laura: She doesn't like Fritz at all, and Paul should know that. He aks, if that's so, why does she take Fritz's side? And then he thinks about the painting again: He has the old address of the hiding place now. But how can he find the new address? Grandpa said Paul's father had helped him with his smartphone despite being banned from using one. So Dad probably knows which app Grandpa wanted to use to find out the new address - but will he admit that? Perhaps not, given that Paul isn't even supposed to know that he helped him. But he thinks he should at least try and dials his number. Will Paul's dad help him and thus admit having used a smartphone despite being banned from using one? Why does Laura take Fritz's side even though she doesn't like him at all? Transcript, lesson and extras: german-stories.com/87-die-seite-die-fehlt-two-way-prepositions-zwischen Learn German online with us! We have easy German speaking, reading, listening, and writing exercises for you - and also more difficult ones. And a lesson plan with progress tracker. It's all right here at german-stories.com

So Dad's on Tinder, how do you handle this?

Welcome back to another episode with YOUR Brothers in Arms! Tonight, Patrick tried a new system using his phone and was unable to keep the show notes. So… Dad jokes and a whole lot more that will keep you entertained on this week's episode of Brothers in Arms!   Where you can reach us: YouTube: BrothersinArmsPodcast Instagram: Yourbrothersinarmspodcast Twitter: @YourBIAPodcast Gmail: yourbrothersinarmspodcast@gmail.com Twitch: Twitch.tv/brothersinarmspodcast (schedule varies due to life) Website: https://brothersinarms.podbean.com

Bible Reading: John 10:1-5, 14, 27-30"Brielle, I have a surprise to show you," announced Dad one morning. "Remember the bird's nest I showed you out here?" Dad pointed to a large plant that hung outside the window. "The five eggs in it have all hatched." Brielle's eyes grew wide as her father lifted her onto a chair so she could peek into the nest. "Where are the baby birds? I don't see anything but a pile of fuzz and twigs in there.""Watch," said Dad as he cracked open the window. He made clicking noises with his tongue, and suddenly five tiny heads popped up out of the fuzz."Oh, I see them!" squealed Brielle. "They have their eyes closed." Gradually the heads sank back into the fuzz. "Do it again, Dad," begged Brielle. So Dad made the clicking noise again, and the five heads popped back up.Brielle and Dad visited the birds every day. Soon their eyes opened, and they got new, larger feathers. But they eventually stopped responding to Dad's clicking noise. "They know I'm just fooling them and that I'm not really one of their parents coming to bring them dinner," Dad told her when she asked him about it. Then he added, "We're kind of like those baby birds. We have to learn whose voice is whose.""But I know when it's you telling me something, or when it's Mom," Brielle assured him. "Or Grandma or Grandpa, or Mrs. Jones, or whoever.""Yes, but we have to be able to identify God's voice too," Dad said."How do we do that?" asked Brielle."By learning about God from the Bible. He will never go against what He says there. The more we learn about who God is, the easier it becomes to recognize His voice."Brielle thought for a moment. "Well, I know God loves people because He sent Jesus to die for us, so He will always tell us to love people too.""It sounds like you're learning to recognize God's voice already," said Dad with a smile. "Other voices we hear might tell us to do whatever we want, but God's voice reminds us that only Jesus can satisfy our hearts and fill our lives with hope, joy, and peace. He's the one who feeds our souls with His love, and we need to learn to recognize His voice and do what He says." –Pauline Youd How About You?Do you recognize God's voice when He speaks to you? In today's Bible reading, Jesus refers to Himself as the good shepherd and those who know Him as His sheep. Sheep recognize their shepherd's voice, and as you grow in your relationship with Jesus, you'll learn more about Him and what His voice sounds like. Get to know Him better by reading and studying the Bible, and listen to what He says.Today's Key Verse:My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. (NKJV) (John 10:27)Today's Key Thought:Learn to recognize God's voice

I greet you in Jesus' precious name! It is Sunday morning, the 7th of July, 2024, and this is your friend, Angus Buchan, with a thought for today.We start in the Book of Matthew 28:20. I am reading the last part in the last verse in the Gospel of Matthew, and Jesus said:"…I am with you always, even to the end of the age." What a beautiful, comforting promise from our Master! I want to ask you a question this morning - How big is God and how close is God to you? Well, a very dear friend of mine sent me a little story that I want to read to you. I want to adapt it, and it goes something like this:A little boy was asking his dad one day, "How big is God, dad?" So Dad took the little boy out into the open, and they looked up into the sky. They saw a huge airliner, an international plane, going from one continent to another. It was minute, like a little dot in the sky. His dad said, "God's size depends on how close or how far you are from Him." And with that, the little boy said, "I can hardly see that aeroplane. It is just a speck in the sky." So Dad took the little boy to the airport, they got out and walked up to a massive plane, a huge Jumbo 747, and the little boy said, "Dad, that plane is massive!" He said, "That is the same plane that you saw in the sky," he said, "You see, son, the closer that you are to God, the greater He becomes in your life." That is so true, isn't it, for you and I? The more time we spend with the Master, the bigger He becomes in our lives. When a person says to you, "Show me this Jesus," give them a Bible because that Bible is Jesus Christ in print. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."John 1:1Jesus bless you and have a special day with your dear friend,Goodbye.

Fluent Fiction - Korean: Healing Hearts at Nami Island: A Mother-Daughter Journey Find the full episode transcript, vocabulary words, and more:fluentfiction.org/healing-hearts-at-nami-island-a-mother-daughter-journey Story Transcript:Ko: 지우는 새벽에 깼습니다.En: Jiwoo woke up at dawn.Ko: 그날은 남이섬으로 갈 날이었습니다.En: That day was the day they were to go to Nami Island.Ko: 지우는 미소를 지으며 딸 혜진을 깨웠습니다.En: Jiwoo smiled and woke up her daughter, Hyejin.Ko: "혜진아, 일어나. 우리 남이섬 가자!"En: "Hyejin, wake up. Let's go to Nami Island!"Ko: 혜진은 졸린 눈을 비비며 물었습니다. "남이섬 뭐야?"En: Hyejin rubbed her sleepy eyes and asked, "What's Nami Island?"Ko: "아름다운 섬이야. 강도 있고, 나무도 많아." 지우가 설명했습니다.En: "It's a beautiful island. There's a river and lots of trees," Jiwoo explained.Ko: 그들은 아침을 먹고 차를 타고 출발했습니다.En: They ate breakfast and set off by car.Ko: 도착하자, 남이섬의 푸르른 나무와 시원한 강이 그들을 반겼습니다.En: Upon arrival, the lush trees and cool river of Nami Island welcomed them.Ko: 혜진은 기쁜 얼굴로 소리쳤습니다. "엄마, 여기 정말 예뻐!"En: Hyejin exclaimed in delight, "Mom, it's really pretty here!"Ko: 지우는 미소를 지었습니다. 하지만 마음속으로는 무거운 짐을 느꼈습니다.En: Jiwoo smiled but felt a heavy burden in her heart.Ko: 이혼 후 처음으로 둘이 떠나는 여행이었습니다.En: It was the first trip they'd taken together since the divorce.Ko: 혜진은 아직 아빠를 많이 그리워했습니다.En: Hyejin still missed her father a lot.Ko: 강가에 도착한 지우와 혜진은 나무 그늘 아래 앉았습니다.En: At the riverside, Jiwoo and Hyejin sat under the shade of a tree.Ko: 혜진은 강물에 손을 담그며 재미있게 놀았습니다.En: Hyejin played happily, dipping her hands into the river.Ko: 그때 혜진이 물었습니다. "엄마, 아빠는 왜 안 와?"En: Then Hyejin asked, "Mom, why didn't Dad come?"Ko: 지우는 잠시 멈칫했습니다.En: Jiwoo hesitated for a moment.Ko: "혜진아, 우리 새롭게 시작하자," 지우는 부드럽게 말했습니다.En: "Hyejin, let's start anew," Jiwoo said gently.Ko: "아빠는 우리와 조금 떨어져 있게 된 거야. 하지만 엄마는 항상 널 사랑해."En: "Dad is a little apart from us now. But Mom always loves you."Ko: 혜진은 고개를 갸웃거렸습니다.En: Hyejin tilted her head in confusion.Ko: "아빠는 왜 우리랑 안 사는 거야?"En: "Why doesn't Dad live with us?"Ko: 지우는 깊은 숨을 쉬었습니다.En: Jiwoo took a deep breath.Ko: "아빠와 엄마가 서로 많이 싸웠어. 그래서 따로 지내기로 했어.En: "Mom and Dad fought a lot. So we decided to live separately.Ko: 하지만 네 잘못은 아니야."En: But it's not your fault."Ko: 혜진은 눈을 크게 뜨며 물었습니다. "그럼 아빠는 다시 안 와?"En: Hyejin's eyes widened as she asked, "So Dad's not coming back?"Ko: 지우는 눈물이 살짝 고였지만, 힘을 냈습니다.En: Jiwoo's eyes welled up a bit, but she gathered her strength.Ko: "응, 하지만 엄마가 여기 있어.En: "No, but Mom is here.Ko: 그리고 우린 행복해질 거야."En: And we'll be happy."Ko: 혜진은 잠시 생각하더니 지우의 손을 꼭 잡았습니다.En: Hyejin thought for a moment, then held Jiwoo's hand tightly.Ko: "엄마, 나는 엄마가 정말 좋아."En: "Mom, I really like you."Ko: 지우는 딸을 꼭 안아주었습니다.En: Jiwoo hugged her daughter tightly.Ko: 둘은 따뜻한 햇살 아래에서 오랜 시간 동안 함께 있었습니다.En: They spent a long time together under the warm sunshine.Ko: 강물 소리가 조용하고 평화롭게 들렸습니다.En: The sound of the river was calm and peaceful.Ko: 저녁이 되어 해가 지기 시작했습니다. 지우와 혜진은 손을 잡고 해질녘의 아름다운 강가를 걸었습니다.En: As evening fell and the sun began to set, Jiwoo and Hyejin walked hand in hand along the beautiful riverside at dusk.Ko: 혜진은 말을 꺼냈습니다. "엄마, 우리 매년 남이섬 올래?"En: Hyejin spoke up, "Mom, can we come to Nami Island every year?"Ko: 지우는 환하게 웃었습니다.En: Jiwoo smiled brightly.Ko: "그래, 우리 매년 올까?En: "Sure, shall we come every year?Ko: 좋은 추억을 많이 만들자."En: Let's make lots of good memories."Ko: 그들은 손을 꼭 잡고 섬의 아름다운 경치를 보며 걸어갔습니다.En: They walked, hand in hand, admiring the beautiful scenery of the island.Ko: 지우는 마음속의 무거운 짐이 조금 가벼워진 것을 느꼈습니다.En: Jiwoo felt the heavy burden in her heart lighten a bit.Ko: 혜진도 아빠에 대한 궁금증과 슬픔을 조금 이해하게 되었습니다.En: Hyejin began to understand and come to terms with her curiosity and sadness about her father.Ko: 둘은 더 단단한 마음과 사랑으로 함께 할 수 있는 힘을 얻었습니다.En: They gained the strength to be together with more solid hearts and love.Ko: 그날 저녁, 지우와 혜진은 별빛 아래에서 함께 있었습니다.En: That evening, Jiwoo and Hyejin were together under the starlight.Ko: "엄마, 나도 엄마 많이 사랑해," 혜진은 말했습니다.En: "Mom, I love you a lot too," Hyejin said.Ko: 지우는 딸을 꼭 안아주며 속삭였습니다. "우리 꼭 행복해질 거야."En: Jiwoo hugged her daughter tightly and whispered, "We will definitely be happy."Ko: 그들은 따뜻한 밤하늘을 바라보며 서로의 존재를 새삼스레 감사히 여겼습니다.En: They looked up at the warm night sky, deeply grateful for each other's presence.Ko: 그 이후로, 지우와 혜진은 새로운 삶을 잘 살아갈 수 있는 힘을 얻었습니다.En: From then on, Jiwoo and Hyejin gained the strength to live their new lives well. Vocabulary Words:dawn: 새벽lush: 푸르른exclaimed: 소리쳤습니다burden: 짐divorce: 이혼riverside: 강가shade: 그늘hesitated: 멈칫했습니다anew: 새롭게gently: 부드럽게apart: 떨어져confusion: 혼란tilted: 갸웃거렸습니다separately: 따로welled up: 살짝 고였습니다admiring: 보며dusk: 해질녘scenery: 경치grateful: 감사히 여겼습니다presence: 존재strength: 힘tightly: 꼭pleasant: 평화롭게solid: 단단한curiosity: 궁금증hugged: 안아주었습니다apart: 떨어져deep breath: 깊은 숨afresh: 새롭게afternoon: 오후

When I was young, listening to music was a big part of our family dynamic. I have very vivid memories of seeing my parents' CD collection neatly lined up on the shelf. Mom and Dad liked to listen to a lot of things, but smooth jazz was a staple genre in the house. So Dad would push the button on the Sony, the tray would extend, and the five-cd-carousel would spin as it jutted out, revealing which discs were currently in rotation. He would take a disc out, replace it with something, push the button again to retract the tray, push play, and the dulcet tones of Geoge Benson would fill the family room over the hi-fi speakers. If they wanted to discover music they would listen to 94.7 The Wave, and I would sit there on the couch and listen to Kenny G, Lee Ritenour, Candy Dulfer, Earl Klugh, and Larry Carlton. And so my love for music began at a very young age. When I was in college I played bass for the gospel choir, and I fell in love with the genre. So now that's in rotation at our home. One of my favorite albums is called The Rebirth of Kirk Franklin, a live gospel album recorded in the year 2000.

UGH............ My parents, I tell ya! OK.... So Dad knows where a dead body is buried (maybe), Weight loss is now called "Operation see dads Johnson" and is Dad faster at car repairs than I am video games?...And more! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/gen-x-talks1/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/gen-x-talks1/support

Bible Reading: 1 Corinthians 10:31-33; Philippians 2:5-8Dawson scowled as he climbed into the car after basketball practice. "What's wrong, Dawson?" Mom asked. "Did your practice not go well?""No!" Dawson responded. "We split into teams for a practice game, and my team won by four, and I scored twenty-eight points! But instead of congratulating me, Coach lectured me after the game. He said I was hogging the ball and taking risky shots. He's going to sit me out half of our game this Friday so the other guys get to play more." Dawson shook his head. "It's not fair, Mom! I'm the best player on our team! I should be on the court." Mom started driving home. "Do you remember when Dad was offered that high school teaching job last year?" she asked. "Sure," Dawson replied. "But he turned it down because he likes teaching middle school better, right?""Actually, your dad has always wanted to teach high school," Mom explained. "But to take the job, our family would've had to move. You would've had to switch schools in the middle of the year, and I would've had to quit my new job at church. Your dad and I didn't think it would be a good fit for our family, so he turned down the job."Dawson looked confused. "So Dad turned it down because of us?" "Yeah," said Mom. "You know, Dad's decision reminds me of a verse in First Corinthians that says not to seek your own good, but the good of many. The Bible tells us that life isn't about making ourselves happy--it's about knowing Jesus and sharing His love with others. Even though He's God, He became human and died for us so we could have eternal life with Him, and He wants to help us show that same kind of love to others. But in order to do that, we have to think about others and how our actions affect them."Dawson was quiet for a moment. Finally, he sighed. "I guess I could share the ball more with my teammates. Coach thinks it'll help them play better if they have more time handling the ball."Mom smiled. "Sounds like you're starting to think about the good of many, Dawson. And you know what? That kind of thinking might just make you a better player yourself."-Amy TolHow About You?Do you make decisions based only on what will make you happy? The Bible makes it clear that life isn't all about you--it's about Jesus and sharing His love with others. Friends, family members, neighbors--they all need God's grace, just like you do. And when you make decisions that help them instead of only thinking of yourself, you show them what it's like to be part of God's team.Today's Key Verse:Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God…For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. (NIV) (1 Corinthians 10:31, 33)Today's Key Thought:Seek the good of many

Immediately after I joined the Boy Scouts, they announced we were going on a camping trip. I told my dad I needed a tent, and he started telling me what he had learned in Army boot camp—how you can make an emergency tent by snapping two ponchos together. So Dad and I went to the Army surplus store and bought two ponchos. Dad Economics 101.I then found a scout who didn't have a tent and asked him if he wanted to camp like a real soldier. He was thrilled! The day finally arrived, and the troop hiked into the woods. I was so excited as we set up camp, although I felt bad for the scouts with their new store-bought tents. The boys stood around my authentic army poncho tent, wishing they had one. After an evening of snipe hunting, we hit the sack. My tent was open on both ends, and as I was lying there, I heard something that sounded like crop dusters, only to discover they were South Alabama mosquitos the size of humming birds. They ate us alive! We finally had a reprieve when a gentle rain set in. Did I say gentle? When the monsoon hit our camp, I noticed we were on an incline. As a river flowed down our backs, my friend was not a happy camper. He sat up and shouted, “I don't want to be a soldier anymore.” And the lesson learned was this…enthusiasm, without proper training is not enough. In Proverbs, we are encouraged to seek understanding and wisdom. Why, even the Scout's motto is “Be prepared,” and that applies to all of life.

“Why does a dad matter so much to a daughter, in particular? A dad is the one who teaches a daughter what a male is all about. It's the first man in her life—the first man she loves, the first male she tries to please, the first man who says no to her, the first man to discipline her. In effect, he sets her up for success or failure with the opposite sex. Not only that, but she takes cues from how Dad treats Mom as she grows up about what to expect as a woman who is in a relationship with a man. So Dad sets up his daughter's marriage relationship too. And if that dad is a man of faith, he all of a sudden takes on the awesome responsibility of representing almighty God himself.”In Episode Ten, of Season One Brian A. Harris sits down with his daughter to discuss growing as a father and how having a Godly father, has shaped and equipped her for every day Christian life as a woman of God.

Bluey gets five bucks from the tooth fairy…even though she doesn't look like she lost a tooth anywhere in her mouth. Her mom suggests that she spend it at the markets when they go later. So Dad, Bingo, and Bluey go and Bluey meets up with Indy and has a hard time trying to find something she wants to spend her money on. She ends up stress buying a toffee apple that she really doesn't want. She regrets it and wishes she had the five bucks back to be able to put into the musician's guitar case so he can play another song that Bluey wants to dance to. But she already licked the toffee apple so there was no chance she can return that. But the five dollars makes its way around each of the vendors and into the dancing hands of Indy's mom. She gives the five to Indy to tell her to put it in the musician's case, and Bluey learns that what goes around comes around…even if she doesn't understand it.

The invisible star of the “Something I Learned This Week” segment joins me to help close out Season One. We learn: how he fell down some of his mini-research holes, which temporary Jeopardy host he loved best, and what he really thinks of Millennials. Doing my part to make my Dad slightly more traceable online!  SHOW NOTES: Not many show notes today because we aren't doing a specific hole! We mainly rehashed some of the Something I Learned This Week segments from the past season. If you'd like to go back to the original writing on these topics, check out the final part of each of these episodes: Polyglots: Episode 1 - Sailboats, with Rebecca Jay Jeopardy host tryouts: Episode 3 - German Chocolate Cake and Terrapin, with Laurie Morrison Generations: Episode 7 - Alleged Murderess Lillian Green, with Leah Felicity Lucci J.K. Rowling vs. trans people: this was a tidbit Dad wanted me to read on an episode and I didn't feel like it worked for a quick something-I-learned-type discussion. So Dad and I got into it here. It was very hard to find a breakdown online that actually explains the impact of what J.K. Rowling said. The closest I found was the article “Harry Potter and the Author Who Failed Us” by Aja Romano on Vox. It has lots of links if you want to read Rowling's original tweets, or if you want to read how the “science” she cites is flawed. The Foodie Flamingo picture book is now out! You can order it from your local bookstore. The city of Uruk: Here is the link listener Katie Molski shared with me: https://www.worldhistory.org/uruk/ The link explains more about the people she referenced. Innana, for example, was a goddess of the region. She does appear in the Epic of Gilgamesh, but I believe Katie was more referencing what the link says about her.

Dads are constantly flooded with messages to be helpful and supportive to their birthing partner, but where are those specific tips on how to do just that?Cue David Arrell. David has developed a passion for everything surrounding birth with his main focus centered around helping dads learn the things he wished he knew when he became a dad for the first time. According to his own words, “I am just a dude who has been through this journey.”With his very specific dad tips as well as big ideas, David's advice will take your birth support partner from feeling clueless, guilty, and overwhelmed to feeling hopeful, empowered, and inspired. When both partners learn to be a strong team during pregnancy, their bond during labor and throughout parenting will thrive even more.And the tip that gets 100% of his recommendation? “Dude, Hire a Doula.”Additional linksThe VBAC Link on Apple PodcastsDavid's website: Welcome to FatherhoodWelcome to Fatherhood: The Modern Man's Guide to Pregnancy, Childbirth, and FatherhoodFull transcriptNote: All transcripts are edited to correct grammar, false starts, and filler words. Meagan: Happy, happy Wednesday everybody. This is Meagan and Julie. You are listening to The VBAC Link. You are going to be excited just like we are for this episode today, so make sure you are somewhere where you can hear all the words, and honestly, you probably want your birth partners to list them as well. We have David Arrell. He is an author, entrepreneur, consultant, and men's coach currently in Colorado. We have actually had quite a few special guests in Colorado which is really fun. He is passionate about coaching men on how to more fully embrace and embody help, masculinity, and especially through the powerful modalities of partnership. His most recent work-- now I can't speak.Julie: Sorry.Meagan: You're fine. --in this area is a book and we have the book. We are so excited. It's called Welcome to Fatherhood and I really like it because it is like “WTF”.Julie: WTF.Meagan: Through the whole thing, it's the modern man's guide to pregnancy, childbirth, and fatherhood better known as WTF. So this is really a big deal because in so many ways, and I even talk about this with my doula clients. There are so many things in pregnancy that are so woman-focused or birther-focused, right? We kind of forget sometimes about dad and his role. That's, as the doula, so important for me not to forget that and make sure that dad doesn't feel that because I remember the day in my second labor. I remember my husband had to sleep on the couch in the corner and everyone coming in not addressing him, not talking to him, not saying anything that's happening, not asking him has an opinion on anything, and it only revolves around me, and so I just think this is so awesome. A lot of dads enter childbirth clueless not because they don't want to know, but because people don't include them, right?And then fatherhood. I also know that as a mom and my husband, we've had times where I'm like, “No. I am doing it right and he is doing it wrong.” I remember someone saying, “You are both doing it right. You are doing it your way,” and I loved that. So I am really excited to talk to him today and get to know more about his book, and the role, and the fourth trimester coming back home, and how to give these tips to these dads because they need them.Julie: I was just going to jump in and say, “I love this,” because David, our guest today, literally wrote the book for dads about the fourth trimester, what to do when you get home with baby, well, I mean, it is for pregnancy, and childbirth, and fourth trimester, right? So that's the first three months after the baby is born. It's from a dad‘s perspective. He gets it. He has been there. That's what me and Meagan really like about it because, at The VBAC Link, we are doulas, but we have also had VBACs. We have been there. We get you. I feel like he is right on our level, but talking to the dads because yes, like Meagan said, dads, a lot of time, get forgotten. I wish my husband would've had something like this back when we started into parenting because he was completely oblivious about pregnancy, and birth, and everything. I dragged him to a HypnoBirthing class but that's about it, and now he knows way more about birth than he ever thought he would ever have dreamed to know about, but this is going to be really helpful. So we are excited. We have asked our social media followers questions. We have some questions for him. Review of the WeekJulie: But anyway, before I keep talking, holy cow. Let me read a Review of the Week.This is from Natalie in San Diego. It is on Apple Podcasts and she says, “I am SO thankful I found this podcast. I've always wanted a vaginal birth and felt like I could never get one after my C-section in 2018. I started listening to this podcast when I got pregnant (currently 28 weeks) and then I asked my provider if I was a good candidate and she said, ‘No.'”Dang it. Oh my gosh. Sorry. That kind of caught me off guard. That was probably a little bit of an inappropriate laugh. That's what I do when I get caught off guard. I laugh inappropriately. All right, let's see.“She said, ‘No,' so I resigned to the fact that I would need a RCS with this pregnancy and stopped listening for about a month but the nagging feeling that I could ask more questions and advocate for myself more just never went away. I started listening again and realized that so many women switch providers late in the game so why couldn't I? After requesting my post-op report and asking my OB more questions, I realized that I am a good candidate and that she just wasn't supportive, so at 26 weeks I switched to an amazingly supportive provider here in San Diego, hired a doula, and signed up for HypnoBirthing!” Hey, speaking of HypnoBirthing…“I'm doing everything I can to educate myself and am so hopeful for a VBAC this April or early May.”Oh my gosh, maybe like right now.“I wouldn't have had the courage to do any of this without the stories from the women on this podcast so thank you!!!”Do you like my commentary? I don't think I can read a review without jumping in and putting my own thoughts into the review. Anyway, talk about being long-winded. Okay so, thank you for the review. We love reviews. You already know that if you haven't had a chance yet, please go leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Google or Facebook. Wherever you leave us a review, it will help us reach other people, so if you enjoy the podcast and think everybody should have a listen, definitely go ahead and give us a review in whichever is in the easiest place for you to do so.Q&A with David ArrellMeagan: Okay, David. We are excited to dive in with you. We have questions and all these things that we want to ask you, but I would love to invite you to share a little bit more about your book because I know I just went right through it. But tell us more. What inspired you to do this?David: Sure. Thanks for having me on, ladies. I really appreciate it. I think part of my inspiration was the gap that I experienced as a guy who has really committed to trying to be that “helpful and supportive partner” and I thought I was doing all the things. As our first pregnancy, and then ultimately the labor and delivery, and then that first experience for us of that fourth trimester, I have looked back and I realized there are so many opportunities where I wish I had done some things a little bit differently, but I realized I didn't get the information, or the education or the encouragement that I felt would have helped me be that much more helpful and supportive for my wife during her pregnancy, and childbirth, and coming back home. So I looked around and even the birth classes I took, the amazing doula we worked with, which I will circle back to later, and some of the books I read, there just wasn't that sort of succinct, clear sort of discussion of some of the things that are really important for us guys to really get a better sense of. And also, just some specific things like, “Hey, guys. Really think about doing this,” or “If you did this one thing a little bit differently, you might have more success.” So that was my main inspiration. It was to pave the path a little easier for the guys coming after me who are going to be going through their own sort of pregnancy adventure.Meagan: Love it. Love it. You know, I have a client, a husband, who started a podcast. Kind of the same thing. He was just like, “After the first birth experience, I just realized there was so much more that dads needed to know,” so I love what you guys are doing. This is going to be awesome. So are you ready for the list of questions? Julie, I don't know if you want to go back and forth, but we have a list of questions that some of our followers have asked. Julie: Yeah.Meagan: if you don't mind, I would love to jump into those.Julie: Let's do it.David: Sure. Let's jump right in.Meagan: Perfect. Okay, so number one is: Best advice for husbands to support wife in labor? I know you talk about pregnancy a lot in your book too. You talk about all of it, all the trimesters, but we are going to jump right into labor. Best advice for husbands to support their wives in labor?David: Sure. The way I describe that journey though, going into labor, is if the pregnancy is a rollercoaster going up the hill, slowly working its way to the top, once you realize, “Oh wow. We are really in labor,” that's when that rollercoaster crests the hill and goes zooming down the other side. It's a very different sort of immediacy for all parties concerned.The main thing I tell the guys out there is Big Idea #10 in the book. The book has Big Ideas and Dad Tips. But Big Idea #10 is that your new mantra is to be attentive, be calm, and be competent. At the end of the day, regardless of all the other things going on, if you as the dad, the partner, perhaps the most important support partner in the room here, if you can maintain that mantra and really be attentive to mama and all of the things that are happening for her whether it's holding a hand, or rubbing a brow, or adjusting a position for more comfort, or be calm.There are definitely times I know in my wife's childbirth and some of the guys I talk to also where things get a little active, but still, for us guys, we have to be calm. We have to be that rock in the storm of the emotions and feelings for our partners to connect to. And then being competent. This comes down to feeling like you have done the work ahead of time with the education and the practice where you feel pretty good about what your role is, what it's not, and how to really show up as that competent person throughout this process. So that's the mantra. Be attentive, be calm, and be competent.Meagan: Yes. I love that. You know, something that happened in one of my labors-- I have had three babies and my third baby, my labor was 40--Julie: Are you going to tell the story about the pillow? You should tell the pillow story.Meagan: Oh no, but I should. 42-hour long laborDavid: Wow.Meagan: My husband had a not-so-supportive moment where I was doing my thing in my zone. Sometimes we moan. That's what we do. Our uterus is the strongest muscle in our body and it's contracting around a baby really hard. It doesn't feel awesome so you have to work through it, right? He totally shoved a pillow in my face and told me to muffle myself because he and the other kids were trying to sleep.Julie: I think that Rick needs a copy of your book.Meagan: I know. But there was a moment in my labor and I had been laboring for a really, really really, long time, and what had happened that I just still to this day will remember the feeling that came over me. All he did was touch my back and lean into me, kind of just grazed around my head and my shoulders, and it was a complete moment of, “I am not alone in this,” even though I knew I wasn't alone. I had a great team. Just that touch was exactly what I needed and like you said, it could be a touch of a brow, or an adjustment, or just being there. It was just amazing. So I would not disagree at all with that.David: I'm glad he bounced back. That's good. That's good.Meagan: Yeah. Yeah. Between that and then when he looked at me and was like, “Remember, this is what you wanted.” I was like, “This is not what you say to me right now.”David: Well, that's the trick. So many of us guys get these-- the general vibe is we are told to be helpful and supportive.Meagan: But you don't know how.David: But we are not given explicit instruction beyond that and so we guess, and then we guess wrong, and we get frustrated, and so that's exactly it. It's the different challenges that we go through and the learning curves that can be really steep sometimes.Meagan: Absolutely.Julie: Yeah. I get that. Do you know what's so funny? While you were just talking, we are actually going to make the link to where you can go and buy David's book Welcome to Fatherhood and the link, I just had to say this because it is so funny. The link is going to be thevbaclink.com/wtf. So we will make it super easy for you to go and find his book.Meagan: I love it.David: Exactly. That sentiment is very popular.Julie: I mean, yes. You started at Tip #10, right? So I am just like, “Yeah. It's really good stuff.” I haven't read all of it, but I have skimmed through it and I have had my husband skim as well and there is some really good stuff here. So we are going to put it in the show notes. This is normally what we would do at the end of the episode, but I just had to say it. I am making the link right now. So anyway. Great stuff.I remember my husband felt helpless too. For my Cesarean birth, he still says it was the scariest moment in his life. Watching me on the operating room table, not knowing if I was okay, not knowing if baby was okay and I'm sure he would have really appreciated this type of advice to help him because men instinctively have this nature to support their partners and fix the problem, right? They want to be strong and they want to be able to comfort them, and childbirth is such a foreign concept that it can really-- what are the words I'm looking for? It can really just, it's not familiar to you. So you don't really know what to do and it can cause birth partners sometimes to feel a little hung up, and uncertain, and unsure, so just giving them these tools, like you talked about, and telling them what to do-- yeah. You are supposed to be supportive of your wife during labor, but this is how you do that. I think it's so valuable. It's so valuable. So I really appreciate that.Oh, next question. I guess that's on me.David: Well, let me jump in with one quick thing here.Meagan: Sure.David: One of the challenges as guys I have seen happen in my experience and some of my buddies is that we get into the labor and delivery and like you mentioned, it's overwhelming, it's a novel experience, but then also, that sort of fix-it vibe just doesn't work. There's nothing for us to fix. Our partners are maybe going through some pretty intense experiences and sensations, and we are just sort of supposed to be-- you know, we feel very helpless sometimes. I remember at one point, my wife was squeezing my head really hard and she was really having a challenging series of contractions there and I just felt so helpless. And so that's where I think this mantra comes in, but I definitely wanted to touch base on one other thing. I think it's one of the Dad Tips that I am very strong on. Most of them are recommendations, but this one, I am very strong on and that's Dad Tip #7: “Dude, Hire a Doula.”Julie: Yes.David: That would get 100% of my recommendation energy. Some of them are 60, 70, does this work for you? But dude, hire a doula. That doula is going to be your wingman too. Not just your partner's, but your wingman to really help you. They can give you some tips. They can give you some direction. They can help normalize some of the beeping and some of the other things that are going on. Again, I can circle back to this a little bit later, but that's definitely what will help you focus on your job which is to be that supportive partner. Most dads out there are not birth professionals, so you can just focus on your partner and your mantra, and let your doula really help adjust you as necessary. So I didn't want to skip over that Dad Tip #7: “Dude. Hire a Doula.” Please.Julie: I love that you said that. It reminds me of an article I read a long time ago. I think it was called, Just Hire the Damn Doula. It was a blog.David: Perfect.Julie: it was a dad‘s perspective and he was just like, “This is why you need a doula. Do you know what to do when she is at 4 centimeters and she's only been there for three hours? No, you don't. Do you know how much blood is normal? No, you don't. Do you know what positions to do to help or what labor positions to help encourage baby to descend? No, you don't know that.” He was just like, “You just need a doula.” Anyway, that was a really broad explanation of the article, but I love that. As a doula myself, I make my clients' partners be present at their prenatal visits because it's really important to me to not only get to know the dynamic of their relationship so I can better strengthen that during the labor process, but also so I can get to know the dad and how to support him because doulas are also for dads. I know a lot of times they think, “Oh yeah, doulas are just for the mom, but we are here just as much for you guys to help you know how to best support your partner. The best feeling in the whole world is right after the baby is born and then the dad comes over and gives me a great big hug and I am totally not a hugger. Like as I doula, I can put my hug face on and I can hug if people want touch and stuff, but by nature, I am not a hugger. But when a dad comes and grabs me off my feet-- I just remember this one particular moment. He spins me around and he is like, “Thank you so much.” This was after a VBAC birth and I was just like, “Wow. This is really cool.” It is just really extra special when the dads say those kinds of things.Every dad is a little bit different, but I really appreciate that you say that. I think it's important because a lot of times, dads think that doulas will replace them, but really, a good doula will really work on enhancing your relationship in knowing how to better support your wife. Okay, ready for the next question?David: Sure.Julie: All right. So I don't know. We kind of have already talked about this. I think there might be some overlap a little bit in some of these things, but you have got lots of great tips and advice in your book, so I am sure that we are not even going to scratch the surface into that, but the question is: What do you tell men to do to support women during pregnancy?David: The subtitle of the book is “Better connected, better prepared.” And so I think that focus really helps shape some of the suggestions that follow in that envelope and that's what is so important. I think some of the dads out there-- I know for me, that connecting bit was tricky because my experience of pregnancy is sort of like it's happening over there whereas, for my wife and every other person who has been pregnant, it's literally the biggest deal ever. It's like, “No. This is now. I am already a mom. I am monitoring my vitamins, and sushi, and which cheese I should eat,” and all of these different things. That sense of motherhood is very real but whereas for us dads, a lot of times, we don't think we are dads until the baby gets here.So one of the things I think that's important to remember is that both of those truths are true for each person, but for us dads, there is plenty of opportunity for us to reach over and really try to better connect with mama and her experiences, and just knowing how real and important that is, is a great first step to putting that as a top-tier priority rather than just sort of like, “Oh yeah. We are pregnant and the baby will be here in a couple of months,” kind of thing.So there are so many things you can do as the dad to really get in there. I mentioned hiring a doula is a great thing, a birth class where are you are excited and you want to take on that. You're just as excited about the birth class as mama is. That's a great way to really foster that connection where you are going through that together and learning about it together. Another thing I like are some of these pregnancy tracking apps where-- I know my wife and I really enjoyed each week, as the pregnancy progressed, sitting down and watching the five or ten-minute little video about what's happening this week. Some of them are pretty funny. They compare the size of a growing baby to French pastries or random, exotic animals, and so we would laugh about how baby is the size of a hedgehog this week or the size of a croissant, a big one.So those things where you're really connecting with mama and really doing your part to get really on the inside of her journey as well, all of those things are great ideas because at the end of the day, the goal is to really have that relationship be really strong and vibrant as you are going through the delivery, and then you come home for that fourth trimester because now you're parents together. Now is not the time to figure out how to be a team. Being a team starts during that pregnancy.Meagan: Yes, yes. Love that. I love that. If you can walk in as a team, into parenthood, it's just going to set yourself up so much better.Julie: And can I just say, dad? Even if you don't love the whole “baby is the size of a kumquat” thing, just pretend you do.David: Exactly.Julie: Just pretend.David: Exactly.Julie: Just fake it until you make it.Meagan: Or if the class that you are taking is HypnoBabies or HypnoBirthing and you're like, “Oh, this is really weird,” try your hardest to get in there. I know sometimes it is far-fetched or far out there and it's like, “This is so strange,” but this is something that she may have picked that resonated with her to help her cope through this labor journey, and crazy enough, it will connect. Like when you said, “Take childbirth education classes,” it will connect you two together so much more and help you in all stages.Julie: I love it.David: Exactly. It's funny, I've heard some dad say, “Well, I am not having a baby, you are.” Like, discussing this with their partners about these different things and you know, not that they are adamant about it, but that's their reality and I'm like, “Yeah dads. I get it.” Having a baby is a huge deal. I mean, it's easy for some guys to think, “Well, that's how all of us got here. There may be one or two test-tube babies running around, but we all got here this way,” and it's like, well, this is the first-time experience or second-time experience for your partner. This is a very huge deal. Don't look at it in the abstract. Look at it in the concrete. Your partner is excited and enthusiastic, as are you. It's meaningful. It's a little bit scary. There's a lot of uncertainty. Really get in there to be that supportive partner by connecting with her and her journey rather than sort feeling like you need to stay on your side of the fence in your journey. So that connection piece is so important.Julie: Great life advice too.Meagan: Yeah. Yeah, seriously. You know what? Are you going to write the next one on marriage? Because all of these tips-- this is also how to have a really great date. Julie: We're taking notes. I'll give it to my husband. I'll be like, “Read this. Just kidding.”David: That all becomes so much more pressing once baby gets here. I am a terrible illustrator but if I had any skill, I would have drawn a little series of two stick figures: mama, dada, and then a little small tiny baby stick figure. This is what you think it's going to be, and then the second one would have been the same size mama, dada, and then this giant Michelin Manbaby illustration like, this is the impact of a new baby on your lives. It is not this third thing that joins you.Meagan: It's not tiny.David: No. It's just the middle and the center of everything.Meagan: Yes.David: So now is the time to forge those teammate bonds.Meagan: Love that.Julie: Yes, absolutely.Meagan: Love that. Okay, so this is a hard one because sometimes I know it can be daunting when you are in the birth room and in labor and stuff, but it says: Do you encourage men to stand up for their wives' wishes during labor and birth? And I'm going to add on to that one and say: If you do, what do you feel like is the best way for a dad to say, “Okay. I know she didn't want this. I am going to try to make sure that we go about this a different way”?David: Well, my first answer is yes, absolutely. Dad is the main support person looking out for the bigger picture. I know there were times in my wife's-- especially with our first baby where she couldn't hear anybody else in the room. She couldn't see anybody else, hear anybody else. It was sort of that fugue state that some women go through and she needed me to basically repeat everything that the doula was asking or our OB was asking.So yes, you need to be fully connected there. This circles back to-- I mentioned a doula already, but having that really trusted birth team where both mama and dada can really feel like their birth team is on the same page with you. They are looking out for your best interest and baby's best interest obviously as well. But that birth team coming in, as I mentioned before, most dads aren't going to be birth professionals, but that's where that birth team comes in.So to whatever degree you can start with that team, really be all on the same page. We have gone over the birth preferences. We understand where we want to go with this whether it's what types of pain management we want to use, with breathing, or massage, or etc. But there are times where things might get a little tricky.Like for example, during our first birth, we had a very low intervention birth, no pain medications, and at one point, my wife was struggling a little bit. They wanted to put an oxygen mask on her face and she did not want that. She was trying to swat it away and I felt like I needed to go with her wishes rather than whatever the nurse was trying to do. And so I gently removed the oxygen mask from her face. I looked at both our doula as well as the OB and I am like, “if she doesn't absolutely need this right now, then it's only going to cause her more duress and anxiety to be fighting off this mask which is not what we are looking for.” And they both agreed. But that was on me to not just sort of automatically go with whatever is happening, but to remind them of what our plan was.So again, absolutely stand up for those wishes during the labor and birth. The more you are on the same page with both your wife or your partner and that birth team ahead of time, the easier it is for you to do that because you are not worrying about somebody coming in and trying to change the birth plan, or there is a shift change and a new OB comes in and they have a different idea or they haven't read your birth preferences, so the more you're clear about that as a team, I think the easier it is for us guys to be less focused on being an intervention blocker and more focused on being that supportive teammate with our mantra of being attentive, and calm, and competent, focusing on our birthing partner and being supportive for her.Meagan: Yes. I love that. So tell me, I am trying to think how to ask this. What tips would you give for those dads who are very medical-minded? and trust-- I don't want this to sound negative. My husband is very much like, “What the doctor says, we do because the doctor is the professional. He went to school. He knows it.” But then there are also times where I am like, “But that's really not what I want and I have researched differently.”He told me that he felt like I put him in a really hard place because he was like, “I feel like I was against you and the doctor because I believed what the doctor was saying but you wanted something more. I wanted to make you happy, but I wanted to do what he said because I was worried.” Do you know what I mean? What tip, if you have any, specifically for that type of situation where we have got a dad who doesn't know how to navigate that feeling that they have?David: I think you hit a really, that's a really perfect space because that's where it can be so tricky for us guys. Especially if we have had some experiences in the past where doctors have been helpful or if we have had experiences in the past where they have been unhelpful. We are bringing our own stuff into this equation also. And I think, I know doulas are explicitly focused on the non-medical aspects of all of that birth, but having a doula with you where you can at least have a consultant. It's okay in about 98% of the circumstances to say, “You know what? I need to think about this for a minute.”Julie: Yes.David: I mean, if it's not an emergency, emergency, then you can always ask for a few minutes. You can try to speak with your partner depending on her level of awareness, and consciousness, and interest in the topic, and your doula as well, or even phone a friend. But you usually have time.Sometimes I find that those circumstances relax a little bit when you create some time around them to really sit with it and check-in with your partner. “I know our birth preferences. We wanted to do A. They are really recommending B. What should we, can we wait a few minutes? Do we need to decide now?” Because things can change pretty quickly in a birth and sometimes waiting, things sort of tend to clarify both whether it's the circumstances shift, or the answer that you are working with shifts, or your agreement around the answer shifts.So I would say, look for more time to let things settle or simmer a little bit more before you make a decision. If you don't need to make it right that second, then look for some time. That will usually help the consensus clarify where you're not feeling like you're being pushed into making a decision because nobody likes that sense of being rushed into a decision especially if it doesn't need to be made right that second.Julie: Yeah.Meagan: Love it. Love it, love it, love it. Time. Okay.Julie: Absolutely. Great advice.Meagan: All right, Julie. You are on the next question.Julie: All right. These last two made me chuckle. Okay.How do you convince your husband to read this book and be a better support?Meagan: Yeah.David: You know, that's a great question. I joke sometimes that-- this material, I started offering in a workshop format, an in-person workshop.Julie: That's cool.David: The challenge was that the guys who most needed the workshop were the ones that were actually the most oblivious to the fact that they needed the workshop.Julie: Yeah.David: So well, I think there are a couple things I will mention. One, this book is not like many of the other books out there. Some of the books out there are 500 pages. They are very encyclopedic which is great for the guys that really want to get into those details of the changes mama is going through, the developmental trajectory of baby, but for guys who aren't interested in that, it's just all starts to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. It's like, “Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.” And they're like, “God, what am I supposed to do? Where is the part where it says, ‘do this?'”Julie: Yeah.David: So that's the book I wrote. These are some specific things you can do at various times in the pregnancy, and labor, and even the fourth trimester. All the dad tips. There are 28 of them in there, but each of them are very specific for that time period. Dad Tip #, randomly, #2 is knowing the baby's age in weeks. The baby is not four months. You probably wouldn't know it at five weeks, but they are 12 weeks, or 15 weeks, or 17 weeks. That is relevant early on, but that falls away once you are in labor and delivery. It doesn't matter how many weeks you are at this point. So those are very specific things. That's what the book is built on. It is built on these very specific dad tips as well as these big ideas that helps shape your understanding.I joked with you earlier that one of the early subtitles I was playing around was, “All the things I wish I did better the first time.”Julie: Yeah. I know. We could all write a book like that.David: Right. Right. But that's kind of the goal is like, I want the guys out there to have a chance to read this and their list, which, there will be a list of things they wished they did better the first time, or even the second time, or third time. I want that list to be shorter than mine.So that's where it is coming from. It's not another, “You are doing it wrong” kind of book and it's not super encyclopedic. It's short. It's sweet. It's pretty much to the point. It's written by, I am just a dude who has been through this journey. I talk a little bit. It's straight talk. I have done a great job in not cursing on the podcast, but there are some curse words mixed in there, a little salt and pepper, because when us guys get joking around, sometimes our language flows a little bit more freely.That's how the book is written. It's not preachy. It's not, again, like I mentioned, not a “You are doing it wrong” book. It's like, “Hey man. Yeah. This is challenging. It's tough and sometimes it's really hard.” One of the early big ideas is what I call the “Dude Zone to Dad Zone and Avoiding the Dud Zones”.Meagan: Yeah, I was going to say I saw that in there. “Avoiding the Dud Zones”. Yes.David: Yeah. The two dud zones I talk about-- I talk about the journey you are on. I tell the guys, “You don't know it, but right now you're on this journey from the dude zone to the dad zone. The dude zone is when you're hanging out. You have your relationship. You have your job and all these other hobbies and cool things that are priorities for you, and now that you are going to be, you are a dad, but you're going to be a dad when the baby gets here, as these expectant fathers are thinking, but you need to move into that dad zone,” which is shifting some things around, looking at things a little bit differently, re-prioritizing a couple things and during that pregnancy journey, things are really tricky for us guys because we know we are supposed to be helpful and supportive. We don't know what that means and we bump into doing it wrong a lot.We are guessing. We are sort of like, “Well, I don't know.” We are trying to figure it out, and so the two dud zones I talk about are Wimpy Town on the left and Jerkville on the right. Wimpy Town are the guys that just gave up on trying to figure it out and they basically say something to the effect of, “Just tell me what to do and I will do that.” They are defeated. They have given up on trying to figure out because they're just tired. They are just frustrated with guessing wrong but that's not really a good place to be. No expectant mama wants to have to tell her partner what to do, and when to do it, and all of that kind of stuff. That's not a good teammate or good teamwork there.And on the other side is Jerkville. Those are the guys that occasionally will be like, “You know what? I don't know what to do. I'm guessing. You do it. I saw a zebra pop out a baby last night on a nature show and the zebra was running around five minutes later. I don't quite understand what's going on here.” They get a little testy and defiant. That journey to the dad zone, you can bump into those dud zones a lot.There were many times I felt like I had one foot in Wimpy Town and one foot in Jerkville and I was like, “I don't know what to do. I really want to be great and to be an awesome partner, but last night this worked and then tonight, the same thing is the worst idea ever. I am trying to remain connected but it is just really tricky.” So that's where I am coming from. A lot of what I am trying to offer here is specific tips to help these guys make that journey from the dude zone to the dad zone with fewer slips into those dud zones. So that's another reason I would say, give it a shot out there.Julie: Love it.Meagan: That's awesome.Julie: That's great. Yeah. I am going to add in a little question before Meagan asks the last one and we wrap it up. What about the dads who are less assertive? I know for some dads, it's harder for them to stand up for their partner in the birth room. It's harder for them to tell the doctor that they want to do something different even if they agree that they should do something different. Everybody's personalities are different, but what advice would you give for those dads who are less confrontational but who want to be a solid, strong support for their wife?David: That's a really good question.Meagan: Yeah. Would time still be the suggestion or do you feel like there is a different approach for those guys?David: I think time is always a great first place to start because then you have a chance to marinate a little bit and think about what the question is that is being asked of you or the suggestion. You have a chance to speak it over, talk it over a little bit with you. Ideally again, this gets back to that doula and having a great doula as your wingman. This is a great resource for us guys to discuss some of these things and also to check in with our partner and see how they're feeling. Sometimes, something that is very clear in the birth plan or the birth preferences, as things progress, your partner may change her mind also and you don't want to be adamantly holding the ground against something that your partner has now shifted her opinion on too.So that's where having those conversations-- but it's tricky. I am not an OB. I am not a midwife. I am not an auto mechanic. I am not going to argue against these people too strongly when they are specifically trained to do these things and I am not. So it's really hard because most of us guys who aren't birth professionals don't really feel like we have too strong of a leg to stand on when push comes to shove.Julie: Yeah.David: We want our partners to be safe. We want our babies to be safe and that's what the experts are there for ideally. That's what their focus is too. So I still think time is your best first resource to ask for, and then to just confer with your partner and confer with other people on your birth team. “What would you do if this was your partner? What would you do if this was your baby?” could be some good questions to ask back or “What are some other options?” But at the end of the day, sometimes you have to make a decision and you just have to make the best one you can at the time with what information you have.Julie: Yeah. Totally. Yeah, I guess that was kind of a bad question. It had already been answered, but I think maybe you gave a different perspective from it and we learn by repetition, right? All right, Meagan, you are up. Last question.Meagan: Yeah. So one of the questions is: Are men actually reading your book? And I can almost guarantee that the answer is, “Yes”. But yeah, do you feel like you have had a good turnout from your book?David: Yeah. So far, it's been pretty exciting. The book just came out in the fall of last year and one of the funny things about this is, assuming that they purchased a book somewhat early in the pregnancy, they are just now getting into the actual experience of having labor and delivery, and that fourth trimester. The sales have really been taking off recently which is great, but I have been starting to get some feedback from some of the guys out there and from some of the mamas too. I've gotten a couple thank you emails recently.Meagan: Awesome.David: I have gotten a couple more that said, “I probably should have taken you more seriously earlier in the journey.”Julie: Aw snap.Meagan: That's awesome feedback though. You are like, “Yeah, okay. I am writing something really good here.” Yeah.Julie: You're like, “Heck yeah. I'm so legit.”David: I got one. It was like, “It's 3:00 a.m. I am working at one of your Dad Tips. My baby was crying. They are finally asleep in my arm and I am typing this on my phone with one hand, but thank you so much for this tip. This was great, some of the suggestions. I have looked back at the book also in some of the earlier chapters and I was thinking, ‘Yep. Should have done that. Yep. That would have been better.'”So ultimately, at the end of the day, it's the guys out there who have had a chance to go through the pregnancy journey and now their buddies are going through their own pregnancy journey and their friends are asking them, “Hey, what kind of tips or advice do you have for me?” A couple of guys have said, “My first step is going to be to read this book and I am going to give them my copy.” And I am like, “That's great. Pass it on.” Let the information get out there and make these birth experiences for all parties-- mama, dad, and baby too. Anything any of us can do to make that a little bit smoother and easier is great.So yes. Thankfully, they are reading it out there. Some of the mamas too. I got one email from a mama recently who, she had glanced through the book in preparation whether she should recommend it to her husband or not and she said she learned a lot about how he was looking at the pregnancy that she was able to be more, I don't wanna say compassionate, but--Meagan: Understanding.David: Understanding, yeah. Like, “This is hard for him too. He is not only over there or not connecting with me, but he has got his own journey and a lot of this is new.” You can't hold somebody accountable for something they haven't been trained to do or informed about. So she was able to be a lot more understanding and workable in connecting with him and his journey too which I thought was awesome. I thought, “That was unexpected but great.” Teamwork makes the dream work.Meagan: Seriously though. That's what I'm saying though. So many people are focused on what mom is doing. Mom is carrying baby. Mom is growing. Mom is doing this. Her boobs are getting big. You know, all these things, but it's not like, you know what? Dad is struggling seeing her in pain. Dad is struggling seeing her not sleep very well. Dad is struggling with the fact that soon there's going to be a child to take care of. You know? There is so much. And so I love that, that she was like, “I was able to understand his point of view too.” That is really cool. That is really, really cool.David: Yeah, that was neat. I really liked that one because, at the end of the day, the parenting partnership is what's really going to be coming into play here, and whatever we can do to strengthen those bonds coming from both the mom's side and the dad‘s side, that just makes that family unit so much stronger to work with those fourth trimester challenges, of which there can be many.Julie: Yeah.Meagan: Yes.David: So build those bonds now.Meagan: Well, and I just want to touch back on what you said, there is so much in your book that talks about things before baby even comes. And so Father's Day is in June? When does this air?Julie: This is airing on June 2. When is Father's Day?David: Awesome.Meagan: Okay, see? Father's Day is not June 2. It is after. This is a great Father's Day present. So I am just going to quickly go over a couple of the chapter titles. “The Dad Instinct” which, in my opinion, is awesome that you are calling it that. It seriously made me so happy when I saw that because we always talk about mama's instinct, mom instinct knows best. Guess what? Dad's instinct knows best too. So “Dad's Instinct”, “We Are Pregnant: Through the First Trimester”, “The Second Trimester: Setting the Table”, “Third Trimester: Giddyup Cowboy”. Oh yeah. That's when all of the complaining happens. “Labor and Delivery: The Time is Now”. “Welcome to Fatherhood: The Fourth Trimester”.And then he's got tips and gift tracker spreadsheets, oh my gosh, go-bag essentials, birth plan topics, big ideas. I mean, there is so much in this amazing book. So ladies, grab this book for your husband. Read it together. Read it together.Julie: thevbaclink.com/wtfMeagan: WTF, yes.Julie: Alive and active. I just tested it on my browser. It is on Amazon, both paperback and audio versions.Meagan: Which is awesome. Are you the person reading it?David: The Kindle is available, but the audio version is not yet available.Julie: Oh sorry. I saw Kindle. Yeah.David: That's okay.Julie: No, sorry.David: Yeah, Kindle is there. I did do the audio and I am waiting for that to get a little bit more polished up with some of my coughing and whatnot taken out, but that will be available soon too. So we are almost there.Julie: We can relate.Meagan: Awesome.Julie: Yay.Meagan: Okay ladies, Father's Day is coming up. Definitely go grab this.Julie: Perfect. All right. Was there anything else you wanted to add before we cut you loose?David: No, this was great. I really enjoyed coming on here chatting with you ladies. Everything around birth is something I am super passionate about and like I said, anything out there that is helping people have a little bit easier, smoother journey is fantastic. So thanks again for having me on. I really appreciate it.Meagan: Thank you for joining us.Julie: Yeah, absolutely. It was fun having you on. All right, ladies, we are going to drop the link to his book in our bio, so go ahead and click on it there.Meagan: Do you have social media, David?David: I have a Facebook page that is pretty not active. I have been getting a lot of requests to get on Instagram and do some fun live videos, but I am a little bit behind the curve on that. So hopefully I can get that soon. But the website has tons of great resources on there. It's just www.welcometofatherhood.com.Julie: Perfect.David: Like you mentioned, the birth plan, the gift tracker spreadsheet, and all kinds of cool stuff. So you can always reach me through there too and send me emails. I love emails. I love questions and comments so please send them on in.Meagan: Awesome.Julie: Perfect.ClosingWould you like to be a guest on the podcast? Head over to thevbaclink.com/share and submit your story. For all things VBAC, including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Julie and Meagan's bios, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We are back with the one and only Freddy 2X to help my dad get through his post surgery boredom at home. So Dad, if you're reading this, go lay down and relax, dude. Freddy is one of my dad's best friends and I've been wanting to talk with him for awhile now. Freddy is officially the oldest person we've had on the show so far, so he brings a new and interesting perspective to the podcast. Freddy has never been one to follow the conventional path in life like so many other people. Having not been great in school, Freddy didn't plan on going to college. He had many other plans and interests in life that didn't involve working at Kodak or doing construction his whole life. Ever since he was little, Freddy has loved cartoons and animation, so of course he gave it a try for himself, he now owns his own studio where you can take classes and learn animation yourself - check it out here: https://animatusstudio.com/main/ -- As he grew up, he had some jobs here and there, but he never felt like he was doing what he should be. He wanted to be more creative. That lead him down a path of learning photography, making commercials, and even acting in a few films. Freddy has never done anything just for the money and he wants you to do the same. Freddy brings a cool insight on life, so please take a listen and maybe you'll find some guidance. We hope you enjoy this week's episode! If you did, let me know and be sure to share it with your friends and family. I'd really appreciate it! You can find me on on social media sites: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/expeditiontotry/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/expeditiontotry/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/ExpeditionTry Blog: http://expeditiontotry.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7pn8SRaud4Jd7kHcE_BX-Q --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

We are empty nesters! The kids are gone from home, their careers are underway, and they have finally begun “adulting.”  But from the get-go they must now face investing questions. How do they avoid getting ripped off or doing something dumb with their money? Our guest today, Wes Rutledge, served over 27 years as an investment professional with the same regional investment firm. He worked with hundreds of clients of all sizes from first time investors to professionals with over $15 million per client. Working with retirees, small business owners, corporate executives, grandparents, parents and their children and more gave him the drive to write a book to help make the process easier for everyone. So Dad, How Can I Make Dollars & Sense? - Wealth-Building Insights for When Adulting Begins in EARNest  (https://amzn.to/2ROrvhl) is for young adults and the people who love them, to help everyone navigate the right discussions, and questions, that will help them gain empowerment over their financial future. In today's episode we learn actionable strategies to put in practice today. Listen in! Connect with him on LinkedIn

In this episode learn how you can give your family some wins. I believe a big part of being a father, husband, and leader is to give our families as much wins in life as possible. That truly starts with us and how we win in our battles. Most men have lived a life carrying unprocessed trauma, hurt and pain. We've been programmed to simply put these aside and continue on. We win, and our families win when we process that pain. When we say enough is enough and I choose to be there for my family. So Dad, how are you winning for your family?Thanks for joining me today for another episode on the Dad Different Podcast. If you’ve enjoyed this podcast please don’t forget to share and leave a review and rating on Apple Podcast. If you’re not subscribed yet I’d love for you to do so that way, we can continue to grow the community and celebrate this wonderful journey called Fatherhood together. Also, I’d love to hear from you. You can check out more of Dad Different on Facebook, @idaddifferent, Instagram, @DadDifferent, or by email at idaddifferent@gmail.com and I look forward to hearing from you. And to all the dads out there let’s stay committed to leading our families well. Our kids are not looking for perfection, they are looking for our presence. So, don’t stop being present. Don’t stop being different. Until next time on the Dad Different Podcast, I am your host Jeffrey and I will catch you guys on the next one.

Sometimes we just need permission to enjoy life! Join us as we look at Ecclesiastes 8:14-17. Series: Staycation, Speaker: Pastor Don Dodge, Scripture: Ecclesiastes 8:14-17, Video: https://www.facebook.com/avalonchurch/videos/266508924567195/, Sermon page: https://www.avalonchurch.org/sermons/staycation-lets-have-some-fun-part-1/, Sermon Notes: 2020-06-21_staycation-part-1_sermon-notes.pdf, Discussion Questions: 2020-06-21_staycation-part-1_discussion-questions.pdf, Notes: Intro Happy Father’s Day, everyone! As I’ve mentioned before, My Dad was a police officer. Our family struggled to make ends meet, So Dad was always working extra jobs. He wasn’t around much, And we weren’t that close. We weren’t a religious family, So, when I I chose to follow Jesus in HS …I proudly, and yes I know, weirdly, Put this picture of Jesus on my stereo. …my Dad thought I had joined a cult. I still laugh at that picture Which looks more like a Ponce de Leon from Spain than a Middle Eastern Jew. Dad and I were never very close. Then, in my 30’s, Rae Lynn and I invited dad and his wife to stay with us while they were in town. It was the best week ever as we really connected for the first time in my life. My dad loves jokes, …and so I told him one about Baptists and dancing. I got a lot of flack my first Sunday here when I told the joke, But my dad laughed and laughed. That was 20 years ago. And he passed away almost 4 years ago, But it was a moment I’ll never forget. And when I laugh, I am always astounded at how much I sound like my dad. A Dad’s influence is so powerful. Regardless of the mistakes, there is so much grace. Intro Series So today, on Father’s Day, we’re starting a new series called Staycation. A series about enjoying life Right where you are. 2020 is the perfect time for this series, And Father’s Day is the perfect day to start. After 3 months of shutting down, …Only to see the number of COVID cases rising as we begin opening up, Then, with recent abuses of power, …resulting in murder, …And country mourning and protesting ongoing injustice With the heaviness that we are all experiencing, It’s so easy to forget …God’s gift of Joy. Me As I’ve spent time doing missions, …In the mountains of Jamaica, …witnessing poverty in Haiti and in Aguascalientes, Mexico, The smiles on those children, …And the gratitude of their parents …Is a reminder that JOY is independent of circumstance. God Our focus Scripture today is from OT, In the book of Ecclesiastes. Now, Ecclesiastes does NOT tell stories from history, Like the first half of the OT. And it’s not about judgment or the future hope, Like the prophets in the second half. Ecclesiastes is about right now, in this present moment. The author asks a lot of questions, …And points out a lot of inconsistency in life. ...Knowing they will never get satisfying answers. That’s what happens in 8:14. After frustration over injustice in the world, The author says, 14 And this is not all that is meaningless in our world. In this life, good people are often treated as though they were wicked, and wicked people are often treated as though they were good. This is so meaningless! –Ecc 8 (NLT) How is it that a drunk driver kills some young mother, While the driver lives? Why do good people sometimes get cancer, While bad people get a promotion. It’s so frustrating. It’s so.. so… meaningless. So what do we do? They continue… 15 So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun. –Ecc 8 (NLT) Isn’t that great!? You don’t hear that preached very much. Don’t spend all your time worrying about the things you can’t control. Don’t miss out on what’s in front of you because you’re always thinking …about what happened in the past, …or what could happen in the future. Let God worry about these. Live where you are, …in the present. Look around at the blessings. Enjoy what God has provided. Have fun sharing meals with those close to you. Breaking bread and drinking wine together, While you share in conversation and interests together. Don’t get so caught up,   …Cleaning the house, …and catching up at work, …and making sure you look like you have it all together. I have been told people are leaving a church because there is too much laughing. I get that I can go overboard. And know that I have a wife and a staff that calls me on it. But where did this expectation come …that when God’s people gather it’s not supposed to be fun. I eventually discarded that first picture of Jesus. And while I’m not one to seek out pictures of Jesus, …I do like this one. Because there are few things better than a good belly laugh. Laughing can heal a grieving soul. It can create deep bonds and lasting memories. …and also get you in trouble. Why is it things are so much funnier …at a funeral, or a wedding, …during a sermon, …or wherever you’re supposed to be quiet? The writer says, 15 So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun. –Ecc 8 (NLT) Hard work is inevitable. And it’s good. But it’s not everything. They continue, 16 In my search for wisdom and in my observation of people’s burdens here on earth, I discovered that there is ceaseless activity, day and night. 17 I realized that no one can discover everything God is doing under the sun. Not even the wisest people discover everything, no matter what they claim. –Ecc 8 (NLT) Some of us are constantly working: …Planning stuff, …Accomplishing stuff, and organizing stuff. If that’s you, Because it is me, This message is for us. We will never finish checking all the boxes. So make sure that goals and pursuits Don’t engross your whole life. It will destroy your soul. And it will destroy the soul of your spouse and kids. It’s okay to have fun. It’s more than okay. Don’t allow your busy-ness To cause you to miss out on what’s really important. …the Joy of eating together, …and conversation over a cup of coffee, …or going to the beach with friends, …or playing Nintendo Switch or Barbie with your son or daughter, …going for a walk You (Application. So What?) As the original audience read Ecclesiastes Their world was a constant tension between different kingdoms. They remembered the stories of the Egyptian pharaoh, He was powerful and ruthless. And he was considered a god. He required servanthood from Israel, a harshly imposed, oppressive slavery. After they were rescued by God, And after they entered the Promised land, The struggle continued against the surrounding kingdoms Who tried to get ahead at their expense, While their king tried to get ahead At the expense of the other kingdoms. Then came Jesus, Inviting people into his Kingdom, …A Kingdom where the last are first, …And the strong take care of the weak, …Where life is found in sacrificing oneself for others, …even our enemies. Jesus turned everything upside down. And the tension continues. We still live in a kingdom where we want to be god, …Doing things our own way, …Reaping the benefits of our effort, Where we want to achieve more, and acquire more. Frankly, that’s the American Dream. And we spend the brief time on earth …Ignoring what we already have, To acquire what we don’t yet have… Money Power, Notariety, A better title A new relationship The next shiny whatever, Things that will never fulfil us. And we miss what is right in front of us. …The people God has put in our lives. …And we miss our whole purpose, …a relationship and partnership with him. God’s kingdom is unlike ours. In God’s kingdom there is a time to work and a time to play. …A time to accomplish and a time to laugh and dance. …a time to build and a time to rest. …A time to GO, And a time to GROW. In God’s kingdom, there are moments to stop working, …and celebrate together. There are times to go and do, And there are times to stay and be. In God’s kingdom, Sometimes the best thing you can do is give all of yourself to help your neighbor, And other times the most important thing you can do is break the bread and share the wine together with those you most love. Productivity makes a very poor god. Let’s look at this passage one more time. 14 And this is not all that is meaningless in our world. In this life, good people are often treated as though they were wicked, and wicked people are often treated as though they were good. This is so meaningless! –Ecc 8 (NLT) 15 So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun. –Ecc 8 (NLT) 16 In my search for wisdom and in my observation of people’s burdens here on earth, I discovered that there is ceaseless activity, day and night. 17 I realized that no one can discover everything God is doing under the sun. Not even the wisest people discover everything, no matter what they claim. –Ecc 8 (NLT) As followers of Jesus, we dance to a new song, We listen to a different voice. We are motivated not by acquiring more, but by Jesus’ overwhelming love towards what truly matters, …Loving God, …And loving people. Laying down our desires and our goals …Our kingdom, …And aligning with his. We live in one kingdom, an earthly kingdom yet give our allegiance to another. We are citizens of Jesus’ kingdom, …yet residents here, So how do we live, right here, right now? We live intentionally. We make time to work, And make time to stop. But more importantly, in everything we do, We seek Jesus and his Kingdom. It is only through the power of his Spirit, And him opening our eyes to the way he sees the world That we can ever truly be the people we were always designed to be. Pray: Relax. Trust the Lord. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. Allow for fun in church.

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Keys to a Healthy Marriage Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Letters to My Daughters (Day 1 of 2)  Bob: Barbara Rainey likens intimacy in marriage to a secret garden—a place that only a husband and wife go together. She says it's a risky place.Barbara: It is a place of raw exposure. It is a place of being real with one another. It is the place where we are most transparent in our marriage relationship, so we need the walls of a commitment. Both of us need the security and the comfort of knowing that we've got a perimeter around our marriage much like a rock wall around a secret garden. We need that commitment to be in place.Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, February 6th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. We'll talk today about how a husband and wife can work together to cultivate the secret garden of their marriage. Stay with us.1:00And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. It's been almost a year now since the release of your wife's book, Letters to My Daughters. We're finally getting around to Chapter 6— Dennis: You've got— Barbara: —which rhymes with—[Laughter] Dennis: —you've got a cheesy grin on your face. Bob: You—you know, Chapter— Dennis: The listeners can't see your face! [Laughter] Bob: —six!—six. If you replace one letter in “six,” you get an idea of what we're going to be talking about— Dennis: Well— Bob: —today. Dennis: Barbara's book, Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife, has flown off the shelf. It's really doing well. I understand why, because I think this is Barbara's best book ever. It is certainly a very honest look at our marriage. I want to welcome her back to the broadcast. Thanks for coming back in, Sweetheart. Barbara: I'm happy to be here. Dennis: I know you are. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: I know you are. Since we're going to talk about s—s—s— Bob: Sex. Just say it—sex. Dennis: Chapter 6. Barbara: It is not that hard for you to say! [Laughter] 2:00 Bob: You've heard him say it before?  Barbara: I don't think it's that hard for him to say! [Laughter] Dennis: I just want to pray for our audience; because as I was preparing to come in here, reading Barbara's book, I thought: “You know? Oh my! How broken are we as human beings—how many different perspectives we come at this subject.” There are some listeners who've been hurt deeply by their past choices and some are in present relationships. I just want God to intervene and minister to—whether they're single, married, divorced, single parents—I just want to ask God to meet every person where they are:  Father, You made us, male and female. There is no surprise in terms of how we function. You made us to merge together and become one.  3:00 Yet, what You designed, man has degenerated and has twisted. You know that as well.  You know where each listener is, who is tuning in to our broadcast today. I just would ask You to be gentle with each of them. Use these broadcasts, I pray, to minister to them just where they are. Produce some hope, some help, and some encouragement to each person listening. For the guys, who are listening in, Father, I pray that they might listen with some understanding. We tend to be too quick to judgment on this subject. I pray for all of us just to be wise in terms of what we hear and what we apply. In Christ's name I pray. Amen. Bob: Amen. Barbara this is a subject that obviously is personal—it's intimate—it really does get to the core of who we are as human beings. It can be threatening for a lot of people.  4:00 I was very interested—as you invited your daughters and daughters-in-law to ask questions about marriage, the first question you got related to this—I'm just going to read it from the book——it says: “So yeah. Sex. You gave me “the talk,” and we had our pre-wedding conversation that was pretty short and hurried. No offense; it was busy. I get it. But now I'm married. And it's um…different. Fine. FINE. But, well, I have to ask this…what's the big deal?” I thought that was an interesting question from a daughter to say, “I'm in the midst of it, but I'm not sure I understand why it's as big a deal as people say it is.” Barbara: It's a great question. You know, it was one that I just had to think about a lot. Actually, I had to think about all these questions a lot because, as Dennis prayed, this topic—this part of our marriage relationship—is not easy.  5:00 It's not simple. It's not cut and dry / it's not black and white. It's very complicated; and even though it's very good, it's very complicated. My short answer to “What is the big deal?” is that it takes a long, long time to understand what God has built into us, as men and women. It takes a while to understand the purpose of sex. It takes a while to undo things that we've brought into our marriage. It just takes time. I think, in our culture today, more than in any other generation, we expect instant results in every area of our lives. We're so used to having instant access to information. We just don't know how to wait—we don't know how to persevere. We don't know how to have patience.    I think, in this area of marriage, our expectation for change to happen quickly and for results to be mastered fast, is a misplaced hope; because I think, in the long run, the goal of marriage is a marathon—  6:00 —it's a lifetime race. Figuring out why it's a big deal takes a lot of time. It's me getting to know my husband, as a man, and him getting to know me, as a woman. That isn't going to take place quickly. Dennis: If you go back to Genesis, as it describes two people becoming one—there was a progression that God declared. He said, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one [emphasis added].” One of the problems, Bob—and many of our listeners may be experiencing this right now—we have reversed the order. Bob: Yes. Dennis: We're trying to become one without the leaving and the cleaving—the commitment that really bonds two broken human beings hearts to one another and gives you the only chance of two broken people experiencing marriage for a lifetime, as Barbara was talking about here.  7:00 Bob: Barbara, explain to our listeners why, for a wife / for a woman this issue of a solid commitment is so critical when it comes to intimacy. Barbara: In the book I tell the story of a book that we used to read when our kids were growing up, called The Secret Garden. It's the story of a young woman / a young girl, who grew up in a huge manor estate in England. As she was growing up there, she discovered this garden; and it was a secret garden. It had walls all the way around it that were six to eight feet tall, brick or stone walls. As she dug though the ivy, she found a door. The door was locked and she couldn't get in. Over time, she began to continue to dig around. One day, she found a key and was able to unlock the door and go in.  I use that story in the book because I liken this area of our marriage—this intimacy / this sex in our marriage—to a secret garden.  8:00 It's a place that only a husband and wife go together—no one else is allowed. It is for them only. I think the reason commitment is so important is because it is a place of raw exposure—it is a place of being real with one another—it is the place where we are most transparent in our marriage relationship. We need the walls that that secret garden had. We need the walls of a commitment. We need that security, as women in particular, but men need it as well for us to experience what God intended for us to experience in marriage. Both of us need the security and the comfort of knowing that we've got a perimeter around our marriage much like a rock wall around a secret garden. We need that commitment to be in place. Bob: You're talking about something that goes far beyond just the biological experience of intimacy— 9:00 Barbara: Absolutely! Bob: —because the biology may not need that, but the oneness we're talking about here— Barbara: Correct. Bob: —really requires that we can trust one another— Dennis: Yes. Bob: —in order to be vulnerable with one another. Dennis: In fact, Bob, I think what you're hitting on here is so important. I think one of the least understood passages in Scripture—there's a reason why we can't understand it—Genesis, Chapter 2, verse 25. I'm going to read it and then I'm going to explain why we don't understand it—it says, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” That verse comes right after the leave, cleave, and become one. The reason we can't understand what that means—we have never experienced what Adam and Eve did in the garden before the fall. Barbara: That's right; yes. 10:00 Dennis: Two people, totally naked, totally exposed, totally transparent with one another—and there was no shame. There was joy / there was delight—there was the experience of God and one another—there was no hiding in a marriage back then.  When it comes to the subject of sex, I think we're trying to get to that point of being naked and unashamed; but we don't know how to get there. So a lot of single people are co-habiting—they're thinking they can experience the sexual delights of marriage without the commitment— Bob: Right. Dennis: —and they can't! Barbara's talking about a commitment that creates safety around this garden. Bob: There is something about being able to say: “You're safe. I'm not going anywhere. Barbara: Yes. Bob: “I will not expose what happens here. You can be who you are and still be loved.” That's what we long for— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —and that is what is supposed to be going on in intimacy in a marriage relationship. 11:00 Barbara: That's what we get married for—we get married to be loved unconditionally. That's our expectation and our hope when we say, “I do”; but we don't realize that it's not just the physical oneness that produces that. It's all of the conversations—it's learning to be, as Dennis just said, naked and unashamed. That does not happen quickly. If you'll think about what happened in Genesis—after that verse where Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed—and then, when the fall happened, what was the first thing that Adam and Eve experienced?   Bob: Their shame. Barbara: Their shame and they were afraid. Bob: Yes. Barbara: I think we vastly underestimate the fears that we bring into marriage. All of us come into marriage with fears, even if we don't have past experiences that were negative or were difficult. We still have the fear of rejection; we have the fear of exposure; we have the fear of being known—  12:00 —just the question, “If you really knew me as I am inside—as I know I am inside—would he still love me?” A man thinks the same thing, “If she really knew what I thought—if she really knew who I was—would she still accept me?”  I think that fear—that we all bring into a marriage—takes time to expose those fears because it's a risk to do so. It takes time to work toward that place of being unashamed. It doesn't ever totally go away, because it won't until we go to heaven; but we can make great progress / we can make great strides in that comfort level that we all long for when we get married. Dennis: That's exactly right.  I have to use a present-day illustration, Bob, of something that really makes me sad—but immediately after the evening news / the local news here, there's one of these Hollywood reports. It always is telling of some breakup of some Hollywood marriage.  13:00 I really feel a great deal of compassion, because they don't understand the God who made this relationship and how He made them to function. In their lost-ness, they're just trying to reach out to one another and experience that oneness and experience the intimacy of a great relationship.  But I've got to tell you—Barbara and I have been married 44 years—and there have been a lot of incredible highs and sadly, some tough, tough lows. The thing that has kept us safe and secure in our relationship is we've never/ever used the “D” word—divorce. It has never crossed our lips. We have used the “C” word—covenant-keeping love for a lifetime. In the process of doing that, two imperfect people are wobbling their way to the finish line, attempting to represent how God designed marriage to proclaim His love to the world; because a marriage is to be a model of Christ and the church.  14:00 It is representative of a husband who loves, serves, leads, and gives his life on behalf of his wife—and a wife who supports her husband and loves him back. One of the ways they both do this is through the gift of sexual intimacy in marriage. Bob: Barbara, I had to smile when I read this letter from your daughter, saying, “So, what's the big deal?” for two reasons. One is because there is a stereotype that says: “This is how women view sex in marriage.” Men are very different. I stop to think to myself, “Would a man ever write to his father, ‘So Dad—' Barbara: “What's the big deal?” [Laughter] Bob: —“'What's the big deal? We're married now. I don't get it—what's the big deal?'” I also smiled because there's a sense in which the mystery of marital intimacy— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —is just beginning to unfold in the early days of marriage; right? 15:00 Barbara: That's a word that I use a lot in my book—is the word, “mystery,”—because I think it helps us be more at peace with the process. When we realize that marriage is a mystery—that we will never, totally understand it—because, as Dennis just said, it is a picture of Christ's relationship with us. Just accepting the fact that marriage is a mystery kind of gives you a sense of: “Ah! I can rest. I can relax.” It is a mystery and it is a process of beginning to discover what God has built in this, all along, from the very beginning. As we've been saying, it's about getting to know one another and being transparent with one another. Dennis: When we think of a mystery, we think of an unsolved murder case or a crime. Bob: —a puzzle. Dennis: Yes; exactly. This mystery is going to be revealed—[Laughter] —in heaven, in eternity, with Jesus Christ and the church at the wedding feast of the bridegroom and the bride—the church being the bride.  16:00 In between time, between now—this thing called “time”—and eternity, here you are, as a couple, hammering out your commitment and attempting to be naked and unashamed in a way that honors God. It's tough, and it's hard. I would ask you, Barbara, as a young wife might come to you—what would you say is the most important thing she needs to know as she approaches this most intimate area of the marriage relationship? What does she need to know and do? Barbara: I think the first thing she needs to know—and she may already know this—but I think it bears repeating—and that is that marriage is holy. I think that when we see it as—not just a gift, not just a privilege, not just something we get to experience—but there is an element of marriage that has a holy aspect to it; because God created it and because He lives in our lives, there is a holiness there.  17:00 I think that helps us put it in right perspective—it helps us go: “Well no wonder it's so hard! No wonder it's a challenge to discover the kind of oneness that we got married for.” Secondly, from there, I want to say, too, that I would strongly encourage any young wife to remember that it's an important part of the relationship. It's really a mirror of the rest of your relationship. You may feel like you're having good sex; but if you're not really becoming one—if you're not really being transparent with one another—then you're not going to be really growing together in other areas of your relationship.  It's important that you keep that area of your marriage healthy and growing and keep it alive. The temptation is—when it gets hard, is to just say, “Well, forget it!” but you can't give up on it because it's one of the important parts that God has built into a marriage. Because God created it and God sanctioned it, then we need to learn what He wants us to do with it—we need to figure it out. 18:00 Bob: You know a lot of wives, who are saying, “I hear you and I agree with you; and if I was not tired all the time,— Barbara: Yes. Bob: “—I would give more attention to this! But I am tired all the time! How do I make this a priority, and how do I make it important when I'm exhausted?” Barbara: Did you read that in my book? Bob: Well, I did. Yes! [Laughter] Barbara: Yes; I talk about that in the book, because that is such a common complaint for women. I get it! I was tired all the time—and Dennis used to say he would be a very wealthy man if he had a dollar for every time I said, “I am so tired!” [Laughter] Right? Dennis: Right! [Laughter] Barbara: But even if we are so tired—and we are—and a lot of women are exhausted all the time because of the responsibilities of jobs and kids—and just the emotional weight of being in life. There are just so many ups and downs that we feel so deeply; and yet, it's learning to prioritize your life.  19:00 It's deciding, during a particular day, that you're going to take a nap so you've got more energy for your husband at night or it's choosing not to add these things to your schedule so that you can have more energy and more focus for your marriage. It's choosing to keep your marriage a priority—make it a priority. That's hard to do sometimes. There were plenty of times when I would take a nap in the afternoon and I'd still be exhausted at night. Dennis: That's correct! [Laughter] Barbara: It's not a quick and easy solution. [Laughter] Dennis: I just want to insert something. There are men, who are listening right now: “That's right! She's just tired too much.” To which I would say to the guys: “Are you cleaning up the kitchen— Bob: Yes. Dennis: “—after dinner? Are you helping to get the kids ready for bed?—brush their teeth, read them a story, pray with them. Get down on your knees, next to them, and look them in the eyes and ask them how their day was,”—but take some of your wife's load off of her and assume it yourself!  20:00 There is a concept in the Bible called “bearing one another's burdens.” I do think some guys—they want sex, but they don't want the process of loving—that means nourishing, which is creating growth—and cherishing, which is creating value— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —they don't want to do that with their wife. When you help your wife with her household duties, with the kids and all—you're making a statement of value to your wife that she ultimately will hear. Bob: I have to ask you about the wife, who would say, “This is a priority for me— Barbara: Yes.  Bob: —“but it's less a priority for my husband.”  Barbara: Yes. Bob: Let me first of all, though, let our listeners know how they can get a copy of the book that you've written, which is called Letters to My Daughters. It's a book that we've got in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. You address, not only this subject, but you address a variety of subjects—letters that your daughters and daughters-in-law have written to you over the years, asking questions about being a godly wife and how you've responded to those letters that they've written.  21:00 You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to order a copy of the book; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and order by phone. Again the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; and you can call 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” Dennis: Bob, I just want to say a word to our listeners. When you buy a book from FamilyLife Today, you're helping to keep this radio broadcast on the air. I've got to tell you—the people who really float this ship right here, to keep FamilyLife Today broadcasting, are Legacy Partners. They're people who give, every month, and who say: “I want to keep this kind of right-thinking—a biblical approach to marriage, to sex, to intimacy—I want to keep this on the air in my community; because this is going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives.” I just want to say, “Thanks,” to Legacy Partners right now: “Thank you for making this broadcast possible.” Bob: If you'd like to join the Legacy Partner team, we could use more Legacy Partners.  22:00 You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link, where it says, “Donate.” There's information available there about becoming a Legacy Partner. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Barbara Rainey has joined us today. We've been talking about Chapter 6 in her book, Letters to My Daughters. Barbara, we started the conversation with a letter that you got from one of your daughters, saying, “What's the big deal?” There are some wives, who have been listening to us have this conversation, and they have said, “My question is: ‘Why isn't this a bigger deal— Barbara: Yes.  Bob: —“'for my husband? I'm ready. In fact, I feel robbed, or starved, or like there's something wrong with me! What do I do?” Barbara: I interviewed a couple of young women when I wrote this particular portion of the chapter because I wanted to know what they thought, and what they felt, and what they were experiencing. It's interesting—I don't have statistics to back this up—but I did do some research and talked to a number of different counselors and different people.  23:00 I think, oftentimes, there are issues in a young man's life that are keeping him from wanting to have sex with his wife; and typically, it's pornography.  In the women that I talked to—when I was preparing to write this chapter—that was the issue with most of these young men. There was so much shame attached to them as men / as young men because they were exposed, when they were children or when they were teenagers, and they just didn't know how to handle it—they still don't know how to handle it. That shame is keeping them from wanting to be one, sexually, with their wife.  Whether it is pornography or whether it is something else, the encouragement that I got from those that I talked to and that I would offer to you is that this is a concern that you need to carry with him. Dennis just mentioned, a minute ago, the verse, “Bear one another's burdens.” Once you become married, your burdens become one another's. You need to carry those burdens together. 24:00 I would encourage a wife, who is in that situation, to say to her husband: “You know, I know this is hard; and this is hard for me too. Let's go find someone who can help us; because I'm committed to you for a lifetime, and you agreed to be committed to me for a lifetime. Let's figure out what we need to do. Let's find what challenges we need to face. Let's do the work together to make our marriage what God intended it to be.” I know—from talking to these women—that it can change / it can be redeemed. God can change those broken places in both of our lives and bring you to a place where marriage is what you wanted it to be and where sex, in particular, is as God designed it to be. Bob: FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Special Presentation on Agile Methodology Joshua: I am Joshua from Dorks Delivered. So, cool stuff I've done in the past are columns for an online entrepreneur magazine so that's something that's happened more recently. Published a book, a couple ago which I'm pretty excited about. Some of the different stuff and ways that we do business has been featured on news.com.au I've got a YouTube channel and a podcast as I already sort of pointed out there. Which you guys will all be podcast famous in a few weeks so, it's pretty exciting. Woo! In one way or another I've been a business owner for 19 years, with Dorks Delivered for 12 years. And I'm pretty keen on automating things. So my home, my lifestyle, and everything is automated wherever possible. Learn more about Agile Methodology at dorksdelivered.com.au A business owner needs to be able to automate everything. Not just when they're in their business and trying to get their processes and their staff all accounted and right, they need to make sure they're doing that in their home lifestyle as well, because if you're sitting at home and you're vacuuming, well you're not vacuuming if you're sitting are you? But if you're at home and you're vacuuming then you're wasting time a lot of the time. You need make sure that you're looking at every single process. That's the fish pond that I've automated, which goes through, uses the fertiliser coming from the, or the excrement from the fish is fertiliser across all the gardens, and does it all automatically. Looks at the amount of evaporation and goes nuts. Any questions? I can see a few confused faces. Speaker 5: It looks like a spa. Joshua: It does look like a spa! It's actually a dual tank fish, so you can have two different breeds of fish, sit out there in a little pond and have a look and they've got a little putt putt area up the top there. That I build around, so, just, fun stuff. You've got to automate your life. So with Dorks Delivered as I said, I'm an automation specialist through south-east Queensland. And what we do for business is remove poor time, time-poor, we bring time back to business owners by improving efficiencies and removing repetitious tasks. So I also help with sales and marketing to an extent through some of their social media aspects, but mostly all just as a holistic view, and point you in the right direction of how to get to the right person. So, what is agile development? As we sort of discussed, there's a waterfall methodology which is where you're producing something and then you're saying "okay now it's working, but it might have broken", and then you're going through a very, very, a process that's in series. There's a clear start and there's a clear end, but there's nothing in the, necessarily in the middle that isn't defined. It has a start, has an end and then the product is created. The problem with that is it's incredibly, tell me if I'm talking to quickly, because I say it and I just get excited. But the problem with it is, agile development, has a start, has an end, but costs a lot of money and doesn't make money most of the time throughout the process. And so the whole process of agile development costs a lot of money, needs a lot of capital and there's no money coming in from it. So, as I said, in a nutshell, it's creating the smallest most basic item that's scalable, that you can have sent off to your clients or sent out to market. So a good example would be Uber. Whoop I've gone too far. So Uber created their app on their phone so that you can rideshare and so on and so forth. Their intention is, and was, was and still is, to create autonomous vehicles but they needed to have acceleration, data and any other points of black spots and what-not... Of what's going around the area. So, Uber's intention is to create an autonomous vehicle, but they created an app that allowed for ridesharing, and used people, the meat in a seat, to achieve their objectives until they were able to have AI to a spot where they were able to then have it work. Because AI was going to be way too expensive, so they created a small product and then continued to develop the product, but had a known ending, but had a profitable product to start off with. So, any questions on how that all works? Any participation you get a prize. Speaker 4: Josh, it's just a, yes a question. So you said like, with agile development, there's like, you'd don't really get any sort of like, the potential return on investment until the end. So what you're saying now is with Uber, if you look at their agile development, you know, the intention was at the end was to have the AI intelligence that will make them, you know, self-automated. But what, so, they have got a return now, by implementing the first basic part of it. Joshua: So agile development gives you a return straight away. Or very, very close to straight away. Traditional models, or the waterfall model, means that you, they would have said, "we're going to make an autonomous vehicle" and they're going to say "okay, it's going to cost us billions of dollars but we have a clear defined outcome". Instead they've said "let's break this down into profitable steps, where we can then, use that". So although Uber appears as if they're in competition with DiDi and Ola and Lyft overseas, they're not really in competition with them and that's why Uber's balance sheets look like they're running at a loss. Joshua: Significantly. That's right. And then you look at others and you go "wow they're doing exactly the same thing, how are they running at such a loss?". So, and that's where their money is going, is- Speaker 4: But you generally find that people who are first, are the ones who end up losing all the money and then the others jump on it and like, like the DiDis and the Olas, et cetera, now they're using the same, but Uber paved it. Joshua: It depends, like McDonald's and Hungry Jack's could have the same argument. McDonald's and Hungry Jack's are pretty much exactly the same, but you've got McDonald's and it's definitely first, and it's still out there and I'd, it's definitely larger. It all depends. Uber's definitely got the name. No one says "I'm going to catch an Ola", they're going to go catch an Uber. They've changed the market. They've made it a level playing ground. From my house into Brisbane, it was a 20 dollar Uber, now it's a 46 dollar Uber, to get to the airport was 28 dollars and now it's something like 55 dollars. So all DiDi's done is they've just levelled the playing field. What Uber did is they said "let's crush", they did what Netflix did to Blockbuster, "let's crush the taxi drivers, once we've crushed taxi drivers, increase our profits". But you have the early adopters, and then you have the latecomers, and the early adopters and their... I'm not sure if I'm, that makes sense? The curve of where everyone sits in the adoption cycle. They would've known that someone was going to come along and copy the idea. But they would have had such a deep footing and grounding in what they've done, that it wouldn't have mattered, it doesn't matter a whole bunch because their end goal isn't to be competing with DiDi or Ola, it's just to be using their, the points of data. So for us, it looks like the same app, but what they're actually gaining, and the intelligence they're gaining from the app is far greater than what DiDi or Ola has does that make sense? For the questions, I'm going to give, you get a pair of fun, where is it? Green glasses! All right we can match. So has anyone heard of Beyond Meat? So Beyond Meat is this meat that has more protein than steak, more protein than most hamburgers, takes up 99 percent less landmass, has nearly all the health benefits of consuming meat, burns and cooks like meat, has haem in it the same as you have haemoglobin in meat, and to anyone that has not tried one of these, it tastes exactly like you've had meat. Has anyone tried any of these before? Grill'd, yeah they have them at Grill'd. They've only just recently come in there. And they're absolutely amazing. I tried when I went, you can't tell, if I gave that to a vegetarian, they would have sent it back to the kitchen they said "oh no this is terrible, this is meat". It, yeah, it flame grills a whole lot exactly the same. Anyway so, they created one product. Which is the Beyond Meat patty. And the Beyond Meat patty is absolutely revolutionary with the way that it works, and it means that it'll be a sustainable product that still gives you all the same benefits as meat into the future. Regardless of health and life choices and stuff, their intention was to have a huge range of products. But they obviously can't do that and be profitable if they're working on all these products at once. So they developed the easiest product that was able to sneak into the market as easy as possible. So, if you have a look at the predominant meat eaters, it'd definitely be America ever ever else, obviously India and Asia are significantly more vegetarian than they are anything else, even though they have a huge population. Jeff: So why does agile make a difference? Surely [crosstalk 00:11:24] the traditional project methodology, your goal was to produce the simplest product into the market as quickly as possible, why does agile make a difference? Joshua: It's about improving upon the original product, with a bigger end goal than just the initial project. Joshua: So the idea is testing the waters without getting your feet wet. You can use the agile methodology for anything, even marketing. So, as I said here, you can slowly develop your business without having huge cost outlay, is one of the big things. So from a marketing perspective, there are different ways that people use the agile methodology. So Dad and I, we've started a craft brewery. We've got ten different products that we've got on tap. We haven't got the licensing to sell it or anything like that, and the licensing to sell it and what not is quite expensive, when you don't know if it's going to work and people are actually going to enjoy the taste of your brew. So what we've done is we've created a survey, where when people fill out the survey, because we can give the beers away for free, when people fill out the survey and they try they beers and they go "yes this is fantastic", we pay a pre-order to buy a six pack for instance, when we have 6000 people on that list we then know that there's enough of a test there that we know that people would be interested in buying it, without having to then fork out the money for larger infrastructure and any of the licensing costs and so on and so forth. Speaker 4: So what will it cost you though, to give those 6000 beers for free? Joshua: Well the beers for free to start off with, the 6000 beers are quite cheap. Maybe 30 cents a beer or something like that. Speaker 4: Oh, okay. Joshua: Yeah, so it's very, very cheap. And in scale, cheaper than that. So that's why my wallet, it's better to be producing something that you can test the waters with. So if you need any help with the agile development process or anything in your business we can jump in and have a look at some of the projects that you're doing and make sure that you are doing them in the most efficient and effective way. So, what Steve Jobs did, is he has six different iPhones in front of his stand. On the six different iPhones one of them played videos, one of them received SMSs and calls, one of them played music and so on and so forth. So one of them had different apps that showed maps, and all these different things. Not a single iPhone could do all the things at once without crashing. Additionally, if you tried to, and you accidentally did it, it may start working and then crash mid presentation. So to save face, while he was showing everyone this revolutionary new technology, each different person with agile methodology was able to create the certain function working on each device, but not all of them together. He went up and said, "this is world-changing, this is revolutionary, everyone's going to have one of these in their pocket". And he's not half wrong. What he did there it was just fancy video editing, as he put the phone down and then picked it up, he already knew that it was going to be exactly the spot where it needed to be. Additionally to that, they had a tower that was put there by Verizon that, that was only paired to their phones that were on the stand, to make sure that they had absolutely lightning-fast speed, that had no congestion with everyone else that was in the audience. So, that is, that bit isn't really agile, that's just tricky. But having the different phones, knowing that you can do it somewhat, but you don't have the capital to continue producing a single device, and you don't know how well it's going to be received, this allowed for a world audience to see, pre-order the devices, continue to have the money to then build it out. Does that make sense? Does that kind of answer your question before on the, how it can be varied with the approach for agile development as opposed to just creating a full device from start to finish? Jeff: I'd be interested to know what your thoughts are on the difference between lean, agile and scrum, as delivering outcomes for small business owners like us. Joshua: With communication and branding you'd say that a lot of that would come to their marketing, and how well they're being shown on the web, making sure that everything's consistent. Yeah? Jeff: Oh, well I'm thinking about story-telling, so, if Steve Jobs you just gave is the best example of, any marketing story-telling, best businesses telling their stories. Joshua: That's correct. But if you went to a small business and you said "you need to make sure that your story resonates with your ideal client, and you need to make sure this you do that and this", and you said that the marketing budget is going to be $200,000 to make sure that we get your message our the appropriate people. Most business owners are going to be like "I can't afford that, I know that that's what I need to do, but I can't afford that". So let's test the water, use a long tail key word, sniper marketing, target a very test small audience, because you can't afford the $200,000 even thought you know that's going to work. You test a smaller audience, a subset niche of their target market, and then from that go "okay, that has worked, that is now bringing in an income", especially for startup business or something like, even if the income's not huge, it's bringing in then an income to then afford to then push the money towards the $200,000. So it's about, that would still be testing the waters, as opposed to knowing that you've got from start to finish the full solution. Speaker 4: Isn't that just the normal way that you would start a business? [crosstalk 00:29:17] don't startups just do that? Joshua: Do what, sorry? Speaker 4: Exactly what you're saying. You start with a smaller part of the market, make some money. Joshua: You should. That's exactly right. But even if you know that you need to have the larger portion of the market, or you're not necessarily a larger portion, but you need to market and brand in a certain way. Like I know that for instance, YouTube, cost the business a lot of money to produce a channel, it doesn't necessarily have a whole bunch of views, but the views that are does have, convert, and work towards our end goal in our business. So it's a functional platform, but most businesses when they start out they know, "if I have a YouTube channel I'll be able to get my message across more easily, be able to tell the story about what we do", but you won't necessarily be able to afford to be able to tell your story to the audience that needs to hear it. So, does that, am I explaining that right? I don't know, does that sound fair? So, sometimes you don't know how to go about finishing creating a product to service, and that's where we've sort of just said: "agile developmental design is your answer". That's what Steve Jobs did to make sure that they had a product, although they would have had the money and the market research that said "this product is going to work", they may not have wanted to spend the capital on something that might have flopped because there already was the Nokia phone that could do nearly everything, but it just didn't have the right story-telling and the right approach to it. So, security is another big objective towards agile development. If you don't have good security in your business, if you don't have good security practices, it will delay and push things out. One of the things that a lot of businesses, has everyone seen the HTTPS at the start of their website? So like, up until a couple of years ago, there was this thing, a vulnerability in it, that had been there for decades, for about a decade. Called heart bleed. Apple was aware of it. Apple had protected all their systems. Apple didn't let everyone else know about that. Apple was able to snoop and see any details that were deemed encrypted on everyone else's system. That's terrible. The OpenSSL protocol was able to be broken into. Certain people knew about it and other people didn't. The person that developed that was in their garage, just a home business that developed this and gave it away for free for everyone to use, and then everyone abused that, and that then opened up to mass hysteria when that came out of, the security problem came out about a year ago. So that's where you need to make sure you keep your eyes on the process and your security around all of the processes. Because if you don't, you, you'll have delays in the way that your product's going to be released.  

The phrase “release to production” conjures a very specific set of thoughts and even emotions for folks who live, breath, and work with technology. Some of those thoughts and feelings are positive, while others are fraught with conflict. At the same time, those of us who are active in our religious community experience a different kind of “release to production” - releasing our children to the production environment of our faiths, whether that is teaching abroad, missionary work, or adult religious education that takes our young adult across the globe. And like our IT-based production release experiences, we watch our kids transition into chaotic systems, where parental observability is minimal even as the probability of encountering unknown-unknown error types grows. This week we continue the discussion from the last episode, where Leon and Josh to look at what our IT discipline can teach us about how to make this phase of the parental production cycle easier. Listen or read the transcript below. Kate: 00:00 Welcome to our podcast where we talk about the interesting, frustrating and inspiring experience we have as people with strongly held religious views working in corporate IT. We're not here to preach or teach you our religion or lack thereof. We're here to explore ways we make our career as IT professionals mesh or at least not conflict with our religious life. This is Technically Religious. Leon: 00:24 This is a continuation of the discussion we started last week. Thank you for coming back to join our conversation. Josh: 00:31 You know, there's a moment in my and my childhood that I think accurately reflects my approach or how I got into IT. And I really wished that I could have had somebody at the top of Devil's Run with me who could say, "Look, now young Josh, this is not a good idea." So you have to picture this. It's this, the largest hill in my neighborhood and Ontario and it is a, a run that goes down, hits a flat top and then goes down again, uh, into this grassy meadow before there's a highway. And there are trees that are grown, that are grown in across the path. And here I am, I'm probably seven years old, right? This is the 80s. There are no bike hel, there are no like bike helmets. No. And I'm on my BMX, right. Uh, no suspension. It's not like I was, you know, dry, uh, riding a mountain bike with, you know, eight inches of travel on the front end and three in the back. Like this is teeth chattering. And I friends and I of course are at the top of this run. No one locally is Devil's Run. And I'm like, I can totally do this. And so I set off down this hill and about, oh, about a third of the way I realize I'm in trouble. Not only are my fillings rattling out of my teeth, right, but I, I'm, I'm losing control. And then I hit the middle, this, this flat top and I'm like, oh, I can. And then I hit the second part of the hill and I'm flying down. [chattering noise] Just the chatter the entire way I get to this meadow. And I realize that there's a fence coming up. Cause that's the only thing between me and the highway. I slam on my brakes. If you've ever slammed on your brakes and a grassy meadow, you do not stop. You just slide. I crashed headlong into this chain link fence. The next thing I remember was my friends standing over me. "Hey, are you okay?" I don't know how long I was out. They, they walked down, um, Devil's Run after seeing my spectacular run. I wish, I wish that someone had said, hey, you know, you should probably take a different route to the bottom of this hill. But I got there really quickly and that's kind of like my IT career. I got to my it career really quickly. I'm only 40 (ahem!) something and I've been in it for 21 years and there are a lot of people that are a lot older than I am that, you know, they did the, they did the traditional route and didn't get into the right t career until they were 25 or 26. Leon: 03:10 Sure. Right. And Yeah, the subtitle for that. And for some of us, perhaps the epitaph on our tombstone will be, "Mistakes were made. Lessons were learned", and that's...sure! Josh: 03:25 There was a lesson to learn in that? Leon: 03:26 Yeah, there probably was. There's a few, few functional lessons. So in the category of "Mistakes were made. Lessons were learned." And really it was the, the impetus for this entire episode, uh, my son is, uh, actually about to be on his way back from Israel. Um, I'd like to point out that he left last Wednesday, uh, for a year of yeshiva and he's coming home. Uh, it was, uh, a challenge from start to finish. He got there and things were not as he expected. Um, I will, I will say that he is a fairly resilient kid. He's done traveling. He's, you know, he's been to a high school yeshiva program that wasn't at home. Yes. There was some, um, some homesickness that was certainly involved. Yes. There were normal dorm shenanigans that occur in every dorm situation, you know, "Hey, I want that spot. You can't have that spot!", You know, that kind of stuff. But, uh, there was also a set of circumstances that were not related to that. They also were not of the caliber of civil unrest, mind you, but, um, just a lot of things that didn't match the set of expectations that he had going in. And by the time we got the better part of a week in, he was so miserable and so unable to, to change his frame of mind that nothing was going to work. And we also realized that everything that we wanted for him, everything that we, and by we, I mean my wife, myself and him, were going to get out of this experience at yeshiva wasn't going to occur. And even if it did occur, it wasn't worth or greater than the challenges he had faced already and the challenges that we're clearly still going to occur while he was there. So we made the decision this afternoon and, um, got a ticket and he's, he's gonna fly home tomorrow. So this is effectively the same as you know, catastrophic failure and a rollback in, you know, in production. That you have your change control window, you have everything plotted out and things simply nothing installs or deploys the way you expect it to. And you find yourself at 2:30 AM with three more hours on the change window to go saying, hmm, no, we got to pull the plug, roll it back and we'll try again some other time, but we have to sit back. So that's, that's the story. Um, so let's, you know, so let's talk about this in an IT context. Josh: 06:11 You know, the, this is a tough one, right? Because in in the IT context, if we have to roll back our change, the change management folks are going to ding our change scores, they're going to say, "Hey you, you failed to deploy", and I will say that my current employer is changing that mindset. There is no longer a, a ding for rolling back a change because it means that you did your T-minus an you were executing and you recognized that this is not going to work the way that we wanted it to work, so we're going to roll it back because we want to protect the customer. Or in this case, you want to protect your, your child. You. Leon: 06:54 Right. Josh: 06:54 You're like, "Look, you being at yeshiva is just not going to work. We're going to bring it back, we're going to re-plan, and then we're going to redeploy and probably in another direction." I mean, we've talked about this before, right? Sometimes you have to walk the path that you were not supposed to walk only as far as you needed to so that you could realize it's not the path and then come back and walked confidently down the path that is the correct path for you. Much like me pursuing my, my law degree just was not going to happen. Leon: 07:24 But you never sat there and said, "What if? What if?" No, you, you had enough of the what if to say no, no, no. I know. I know what that one was. Yeah. Josh: 07:32 I also wanted to be a stockbroker. I made it, I made it to the first class of my, or the first lesson of my first two classes and I was like, no, I do not want to be a stockbroker. Did you know the stock brokers have to do math? Leon: 07:46 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing a lot of it. Josh: 07:48 I didn't, I just thought they made money. It was weird. I had the things you don't know when you're 21. Leon: 07:53 Yeah. Yeah. This is difference between counterfeiters and stockbrokers. Josh: 07:56 Oh, weird. Leon: 07:57 There's a joke there. I, I'm not good enough for financials to be able to finish that joke. So feel free to like leave a comment on the podcast about like how the, what the punch line for that would be. Um, so, so when we think about rollbacks to production, I think in it context it happens. But then we think about, all right, what can we do? Not just to make sure that this thing doesn't fail in the rollout, but how we can change our, uh, it culture, our it processes so that rollbacks occur less often. And you brought up a really good example, um, you know, as, as a true DevOps aficionado, you're going to invoke the holy name of Netflix. Josh: 08:36 Of course, right? Netflix. Netflix is "The" company when it comes to, hey, let's break things. Uh, they introduced this idea of chaos monkey and it was actually built on a platform that allowed for this continuous, continuous deployment model and they would inject these problems. Uh, so the idea was that they wanted to see what would happen when there was a quote unquote random failure. Uh, so they, they developed this, this platform that was shut down an instance and did it impact us? And if it did, oh, that's interesting. Why did it, ah, let's go investigate. And so they would do the root cause and then resolve it. Um, chaos monkey has gone a step further now. Uh, one of the, one of the inventors of that methodology and of that platform has developed a platform called gremlins and gremlins are, are, I mean, they're exactly like those little evil creatures that were in the bad eighties movie that we watch over Christmas of the same name. Right? They're like, "Terminate an instance? Uh, no, no, no, no. We're going to rail the CPU in your box. Oh, we're going to fill a volume. Oh, we're going to steal your swap memory!" Um, that whole idea of let's, let's inject some failure into that deployment model just to see what happens. That's what I think is really important. Leon: 09:57 Um, so, and just to clarify for folks who may not be familiar with the term or as familiar with IT, this isn't just breaking things for the sake of breaking things. This is breaking things to then see what the effect is and build a product that is more resilient to these random breakages. And not only that, but to build teams that think in a very particular way about what could go wrong. Um, just to extend the Gremlin concept even further. I heard that, I'm not sure if it was at Netflix or somewhere else that the chaos monkey visits the humans. Josh: 10:32 Oh boy. Leon: 10:33 Um, right. And does not inject chaos into them. But what it does is, uh, somebody will show up at somebody's desk right before a release to production and say, you are really, really sick right now. You have to go home for the rest of the day with pay, but you have to go and the person will say, "But, but, but I was part of the release team." Like I, we know, we'll let you know who, what happened tomorrow. Good luck. You know, this has been a visit from your friendly neighborhood chaos monkey. So you know, what happens when a particular person isn't available. And of course, again, the, the, you know, the next day they go back for a postmortem and say, well, because you know, Sarah wasn't there. Um, we didn't have somebody who do that. Oh, that's really interesting. Um, since I know that Sarah is very committed to being able to take vacations and actually be sick, sometimes we probably ought to figure out how we can have some redundancy in our human processes. Um, you know, so that that doesn't affect us when it matters. Josh: 11:33 Um, I just want to point out that the last week, my team of three, I quickly became a team of one and it just, you know, PTO and a great opportunity to go out and meet with a vendor and suddenly Joshua is running solo. Um, right. We survived, although we like to inject chaos just for fun. Leon: 11:53 I'm not saying chaos isn't entertaining when it occurs to other people. [Laughter] It's was it Mel Brooks who said the difference between comedy and tragedy, if you fall down a manhole cover, that's comedy. If I get a paper cut, that's tragedy. So yeah, the chaos monkey is great, but uh, it's, you know, when it happens to somebody else. Josh: 12:15 So how would we apply this then, Leon to, to our families, right. Uh, I think I have some experiences that my family has gone through in the past decade, right? My daughter was diagnosed with scoliosis, uh, had back surgery. She's got, uh, 21 inches of titanium rod on each side, or sorry, 16 inches of titanium rod on each side of her spine. Uh, 21 or 22 titanium screws in her back. And, um, she did a, uh, Trek which, and Mormon, uh, in Mormon culture, I wouldn't say theology, Mormon culture. Um, they reenact a, a pioneer journey, so they have handcarts and they, they drive them. She did that. Uh, 3.5 months after back surgery. I mean, my son on a mission, um, you know, was diagnosed with Tourette's, which made conversation very hard. Now he's out doing missionary work and loves to talk to people. Um, and then on my own, my own family, right. I, I suffer from depression and I, my, my work toward getting promoted happened to coincide with a really difficult depressive episode. Um, so I mean, I, I, for me and my family, I think that those experiences have taught us this. And I do love baseball. So this, yes, as the baseball analogy, when life is throwing you curve balls, just swing away. I mean when people look at those things, we were like, "Oh, well, you know, Josh, you know, he, he has, he has depression", but when you swing away at those curves and you, you know, you pull one out of the park, uh, for me that, that, uh, allowing that chaos into our lives, uh, it allows, it allows the acknowledgement that, "Yeah, I don't have control over this thing, but I am still going to take an active, active role." But I mean, how do I take that and how do we instill that into my kids. Obviously I, I've done it, but I, I mean, I don't know how I did it. Leon: 14:13 So I think you're, I think the analogy is good and I think the point is good that Netflix said, look, failures are going to occur. So, the only way we can get better at them is to keep experiencing failures and keep on growing from them. But we're not going to wait for the failures to happen to us. We're going to actively seek those failure modes. Now that doesn't mean uh, again, quoting Barbara Collaroso, uh so, uh, class if you don't cross the street. But if you don't look both ways before crossing the street, something bad could happen. "Jenny, go run and show them!" Like you don't do that. So, but as you, you can't watch, but I almost almost made him spit coffee out of his nose. Um, or whatever you're drinking probably wasn't coffee. Um, so I think that finding situations for our family to go through with which are less than perfect, which are, um, perhaps a little fraught or have the potential to be a little bit fraught, whether that is, you know, moving, I mean, just simply, you know, moving, moving to a new, a new home to new school, to new city, I think that causes a lot of families, a lot of, uh, concern. What are we going to do to the kids? We're going to teach them how to move. We're going to teach them that things change. Um, I think moving every month is probably a little excessive, but I think we can look for those as opportunities, not just as challenges. Um, if you know, somebody in the family speaks a different length, is able to speak another language. I think having that person insist on speaking it and allowing the rest of the family to adapt to that. Um, I've seen families where one parent speaks only one language. The other, so the family I'm thinking of, he's from Spain. She is from Switzerland. They speak all the languages, they speak together, so they each speak Spanish, French, German or schweizerdeutsch in English. They speak all of those. So Dad speaks to their daughter in Spanish only. Mom speaks to the child in schweizerdeutsch only. And they speak to each other in front of the child in French only. Josh: 16:22 Oh my goodness! Leon: 16:23 So that the kid understood that there were different modalities to speaking. When I'm talking to Daddy, I have to use these words. When I'm talking to Mommy, I have to speak up these words and if they're both here, I have to use these other words. But it taught the child to sort of mental resilience. Um, that I think is admirable and I've seen families do it that way. I've also seen families do it where dinner time is, you know, Spanish time. We're just at, at this meal, this is the only language we are going to speak. Good luck. You will not damage your children doing that. Uh, pulling from my own personal experience. Uh, the way that the Adato family takes vacations is relatively unique. Uh, I'll try to tell this briefly, but um, when we go on vacation, we don't tell our kids that we're going, we don't tell them where they're going. We don't tell them how long they will be gone. What I mean by that is that my wife and I plan the vacation like you do, but we don't tell our kids anything about it. It's done completely in secret. And then on the day that we leave, we usually, uh, wake them up around three o'clock in the morning. A lot of our vacations are driving vacations. So we wake them up around three o'clock in the morning and sing to them [singing] "We going on on an adventure. We're going on!" As the kids got older, they would swear at us more as we did that because we were waking them up and then they know what's coming. We'd load them into the car in their pajamas and we start driving. About 20 minutes in, we'd start giving them clues and we'd continue to give them clues, uh, for the next four or five hours. When they were young, this kept them occupied and out of the "Are we there yet?"-mode since they wouldn't know are we there yet? Cause they don't know where there is but the clues were not particularly helpful. For example, we were going to Boston and some of our clues was like the little magnet tiles. You know there was a one and a two... One if by land two if by sea? [groan] There was also, there was a Minute Maid orange juice container that was cut out in the shape of a guy for the Minute Men. And, uh, we also had a little stone and a matchbox car... For Plymouth Rock. Yeah. Josh: 18:33 Oh..wow.... Leon: 18:33 Since I said we were going to Boston, all of that made sense. But since we didn't, they, they sometimes got really obscure. Like we went to Israel, we did take a trip to Israel and one of the clues there was a model airplane with holes drilled in it. Um, which did not mean as my son announced loudly to the plane that we're going to crash. [Laughter] Um, instead I was, I was trying to make a joke about the holy land, so... Right!?! Right. So these clues, these clues are not easy or, or helpful clues. They're really just obnoxious clues that keep the kids paying attention. So, but the point is, is that as we go on vacation, like a whole vacation experience is one of guessing and trying to figure it out and, and having fun with it and learning to enjoy the uncertainty of it. Um, because at the end of the day, I think that's the part that we as parents and also I think, uh, you know, we as young adults who were failing in different ways and, uh, our kids who are young adults and failing in particular ways, I think that's the challenge is "Wow do we face and, and address uncertainty?" How do we, you know, "I thought it was going to go like this and it's not, and now what am I going to do about it? Um, you know, I don't know what to do. This wasn't part of my, my game plan. So now what?" And sometimes the answer, the right answer is rollback come home, regroup. You know, sometimes that is the right answer. Sometimes the answer is, you know, sidestep. Okay, so lawyer isn't going to work, but you're not going to not work. You're not going to not do something. So, alright, how do I take a side step into another career? I think that that's what it comes, uh, comes down to, is facing that uncertainty and having strategies for when those uncertain moments crop up. Josh: 20:32 Thanks for making time for us this week to hear more of Technically Religious, visit our website, TechnicallyReligious.com, where you can find our other episodes, leave us ideas for future discussions and connect with us on social media Leon: 20:46 Test in Dev? Not me! I test in prod. What could possibly go wrong? Josh: 20:51 Narrator: Apparently, a lot. Nobody was surprised.    

In today's episode, we help Priscilla overcome five fears that hold entrepreneurs back. FULL TRANSCRIPT Jocelyn Sams: Hey y'all, today we help Priscilla overcome five fears that hold entrepreneurs back. Shane Sams: Welcome to the Flipped Lifestyle Podcast where life always comes before work. We're your hosts Shane and Jocelyn Sams. We're a real family that figured out how to make our entire living online. Now we help other families do the same. Are you ready to flip your life? All right, let's get started. Shane Sams: What's going on everybody? Welcome back to the Flipped Lifestyle Podcast. It is great to be back with you again today. Super excited to welcome another member of the Flip Your Life Community onto the show so that we can help them take their life and their business to the next level. Really excited to introduce Priscilla Yocum to y'all. Priscilla, welcome to the Flipped Lifestyle Podcast. Priscilla Y.: Thanks you guys. This is so surreal. Jocelyn Sams: Yes, it is great to have you here and we always get kind of tickled when people say things like that because we're just a couple of normal people from the great state of Kentucky. Shane Sams: Sitting around in our pajamas talking to you today, so it's okay. Jocelyn Sams: Yeah, we are. I have not even brushed my hair today, I'll just be honest so. Shane Sams: And that is why we podcast instead of doing videos. Jocelyn Sams: We are very happy to have you though. We're happy to have you as part of our community. And we want you to tell everyone a little bit, about you and your background. Priscilla Y.: Well, thanks so much you guys. I mean, I listen to you. I've been listening to you guys for almost two years now so that's the surreal part for me but in my everyday life, I am a professional organizer, so I started my own service business in 2010 and I absolutely love what I do. I help families organize their spaces for functionality and to better their routines. And I've loved to doing it. But since I started my business, I added two children to my family and- Shane Sams: Which can disorganize things very quickly. Priscilla Y.: Oh, yeah. It's made me a better organizer for sure because they bring a whole new world challenges and that's what I help, are families. So I'm kind of in the thick of it with them. And so I identify with a lot of their problems but one thing that I've found in my business that's made it more difficult in recent years is that I don't want to prioritize my service business over my children. And that's really hard when you're a one woman show not to do. And so when I started listening to you guys, I didn't really connect the dots that I could at all transition my business online, but the more I started thinking about it, the more I started feeling like it was a possibility. And so in about the last year or so I've kind of been thinking about how I can scale my business better by adding this online element to the knowledge that I have and I felt like you guys are the perfect place to help me do that. And so that's kinda how I got here. Shane Sams: That's awesome. So as a personal organizer in your service based business, I would assume that you literally go into people's houses, look around, create a game plan, and then do you help them actually do any of the physical organizing or is it up to them? What does that look like? Because it's definitely a time for dollars business. Correct? Priscilla Y.: Yes, exactly. Time for dollars. I don't work then I don't make money and if I don't work outside of the home, I don't make money. So I physically go into my client's home and I assess the situation and then I come up with a game plan. I've been really lucky that my business is 100% referrals. So usually if I've gotten that far, I'm for sure doing the project. And then what we do is we schedule as many days as needed for the project. There have been some projects where I can get them done in a four hour period and then there are some that take 40 hours. Shane Sams: So do you ever walk into a hoarder, have you ever been in a house and you're like, oh, no and you walk in, it's like, yeah, I'm a little disorganized, but then you walk in and there's 17 boxes of stuff in the living room. There's a room with all laundry, but there's a bed under it somewhere. Have you ever hit that before? Priscilla Y.: Well, luckily my business is referrals, so you get a lot of like business, so, no, the answer to that is no, I don't get a lot of that. I- Shane Sams: Dang, I was hoping for a good story there. Priscilla Y.: I have had one or two situations like that and I don't feel equipped to handle those projects, so I've turned those down. But what I do get a lot of are moms who are so tough on themselves, they call themselves hoarders and I walk into their house and I'm like, "Why am I here? Like, what is the problem in this house?" So when they start opening drawers and cabinets? And I like, oh, right, okay, this is what- Shane Sams: Now I see. Jocelyn Sams: That's kinda like my house. I always like people who do this job because I feel like I'm a pretty organized person. But then I watch these people who do this on YouTube or there's now like Netflix shows- Shane Sams: What's that Netflix show called? What is that girl's name? Priscilla Y.: Marie Kondo. Shane Sams: Yes, yes like- Priscilla Y.: That's like the tidying up. Shane Sams: Yes, everyone's obsessed with her right now, right? Like- Priscilla Y.: She's a crazy, she's the fairy godmother of my industry. Jocelyn Sams: So I look at things like that and I'm like, oh wow. I thought I was organized, but maybe I'm not as organized as I once thought. Shane Sams: I'm at a mastermind and a guy watched that show the other day on Netflix, one of the guys gets on to our mastermind. We have like a little circle where you leave messages and talk to each other. And he goes, "Dude, I just watched a show on Netflix and I immediately cleaned my garage and sold all my stuff." Like he watched it in the morning and just spent the rest of the day cleaning out his house. Priscilla Y.: I love it. Shane Sams: So do people pay you by the hour or do they pay you by the job? Like how does that work? And then like how many hours? I guess that just takes up a full time job every week, doesn't it? Priscilla Y.: Yeah, so well, I don't work more than part-time because I prioritize my kids. My husband travels two to three days out of the week, so I'm kind of a one woman show with my family as well and part of the time. And so I only work part-time, I'm just coming off of maternity leave. But before maternity leave I was working about 20 hours a week with clients within their home. And then usually there was about five to eight hours of backend stuff that I could do while the kids were napping or sleeping or whatever. So yes, I do charge by the hour. I've kind of played around with charging by the project, but that doesn't necessarily work with organizing because some people are very quick at editing and others are not. So I found that an hourly rate was the most fair to me. Shane Sams: Yeah, that's easy to explain to people too, like this it's this much an hour, let's just get in there and see how long it takes, right? Priscilla Y.: Totally, yeah. Shane Sams: So the reason you're kind of going toward this online thing is not that you want to even give up organizing, you just want to be able to scale your income, but you physically don't have enough hours to go get any more jobs. And I'm looking at your sheet here and it says you really don't want to hire other people to be organizers under you because you don't really like building, you don't want to build a business like that. Correct? Priscilla Y.: That's right. So I've done that before. I've had assistants, I had a team of three assistants at one point. And you know what, it's just so stressful. You're responsible for people that worked for... I mean, you guys know this, you have people that work for you, you're responsible for other people. And my number one priority is my family. So I always felt like I was being torn in different directions. And so scaling that way, which I know a lot of professional organizers do, is scaling with as a team. But my family is so young, I really just can't focus that way. So for me, scaling online to share my knowledge is something that would be much more reasonable. Jocelyn Sams: I totally understand what you're saying about working with people. That's something that's really stressful for me. I know a lot of people love working with the team and they love team building and all that comes with it. But I'm just not one of those people. I like working by myself and there's- Priscilla Y.: Me too. Jocelyn Sams: Yeah. I think that there's nothing wrong with that. Shane Sams: Nothing, wrong with that. Jocelyn Sams: You just have to realize what works best for you and you have to run that way. And that's kind of the way that we've decided to build our business. Shane Sams: We actually re-wrote our core values a couple of months ago and one of our core values in our company is scale income without hiring people whenever possible, we literally wrote that into our core values. Because I do have a lot of friends, they believe in the most important job of the CEO is to hire the team and to hire great people and great people grow your business. And we just don't want that even if it prevents us from going to another level like- Priscilla Y.: Thank you for saying that- Shane Sams: Yeah, you do have to have some support either part time contractors, like we all do that. We hire things out maybe by the job, by the task. But we've got people that work with us regularly, but right now we were up to the point where we had 14 people working with us and we have scaled back now to two not counting our personal assistant in the house. So it's, we didn't like it. We did not like it. Maybe that will keep us from becoming a $10 million company someday but who cares? We have a peace of mind. We have time with our kids. I got up this morning and played chutes and ladders with my kids. Right? Priscilla Y.: I love it. Shane Sams: So it's like, why does it matter if we hire 75 people and we have this big company, like that's not what success has to look like. And everyone out there listening right now, you have permission to grow your business without hiring a bunch of people. Jocelyn Sams: And the way that you want to do it. Priscilla Y.: Thank you so much for saying that because for me, I feel like everything that you consume, all of the business developments that I'm consuming is saying be a leader, lead more people and I'm like, "Oh crap, I'm not a leader. Am I bad at business?" Shane Sams: No, you're not. That's a great point. You don't even have to be the leader of all the things in your business. There's sometimes where you just turn things over to a contractor they do it in three weeks and we're out and we don't have to deal with them anymore. Right? Priscilla Y.: When you're strained, right. Shane Sams: Yeah, and it's actually just doing what you want to do. Jocelyn and I like interacting with people online. We like to do a podcast, we like to do our forums, we like to get emails from our exclusive members and we have a little Voxer program. One thing that Jocelyn and I really, really don't like to do all the time is one on one coaching, like on a call, like where we have the schedule. And we get up and there's five people there. Everyone told us well, you can't do high ticket offers without one on one getting in people's faces and being there with them. And I'm like, yes we can. We invented a new program, we use an app called Voxer, it's like walkie talkies and we talk back and forth to people and we were like, we don't have to make appointments. Our calendar doesn't fill up. Shane Sams: So if the kids have practice we can go do it and we can do it from anywhere. So you can invent any online business structure that you want as long as it works for you. And that's what everybody else really needs to do. Jocelyn Sams: Okay. Priscilla, you're just getting started online and we actually selected you for our podcast from our community. So we have different areas of discussion. And you had recently gotten on talking about some things that you're working on. So tell us a little bit about that. What have you been doing so far? Priscilla Y.: So I've mainly been working on my lead magnet and I toyed around a little bit with idea of making it a video but then it was getting just too long. So I decided to make it a simple checklist and a big thing in organizing is spring cleaning. So it's just a simple annual spring cleaning checklist, kind of master lists for the house of things that you wouldn't normally remember to do. And so now I'm just trying to figure out how to best get it out there. I already have a website for my current service business, there's a blog attached to that. I also have an Instagram audience, a small one and some Facebook followers and a very small email list. Shane Sams: Okay, let me get some mindset, we're about to get into some deep stuff here but let me just talk about this. You don't have a small list. I'm looking at the numbers here. You already have 144 subscribers. Your open rate is like 55% average, which is insanity. That's like 75 humans paying attention to you, right? You have 700 and something followers on Instagram, 500 and something followers on Facebook. Jocelyn, our first email list that we ever emailed out to. It was only like 200 people, but it was 200 real people who bought Jocelyn's product and made like almost $3,000. So don't think that's small. There's probably hundreds if not thousands of people listening right now that are like, "Dang, I haven't even released a lead magnet. I don't even have an email list. I've not even started my Instagram." That's amazing that you're at the very beginning of your journey and you already created that kind of audience. Jocelyn Sams: Yeah, and I love how you just decided like, "Hey, I'm working on this video lead magnet but it's not working for me. I don't like it. It's too long. I'm just going to do something else." Like some people would just stop right then and be like, "Oh this lead magnet thing's too hard can't do this, I'm out." But you didn't do that, you said, "Okay, well this is too hard or it's too time consuming so I'm going to do something else." Shane Sams: Yeah, and you've actually taken action. That's the people we love to talk to you in the community. We saw you in the forums working through this lead magnet, getting this thing done, bouncing back and forth between, and I think I'm going to do a video, but then the video didn't work and I've got this thing and now you've actually got content out there. You've got some people paying attention to you, and really we're just going to figure out how to turn that into an actual income. Okay. Before we get into your deep technical questions about the business stuff, I want to talk a little bit about fears, obstacles, and mindset issues that usually hold entrepreneurs back from whatever they're doing online because these are the things that actually stop us. Usually the technical stuff, you can fight for it. It's just a matter of grinding it out. Shane Sams: But sometimes those doubts, those disbeliefs, those things internally inside of us or externally that are trying to hold us back or what really stop people from being successful. So when people fill out the form to come onto the Flipped Lifestyle Podcast it's like, Hey, what a fear or a mindset issue or an obstacle? Something that's holding you back? Jocelyn Sams: Most people, they might list one, maybe two. But Priscilla, she's an over achiever. Shane Sams: She's an over achiever. She's organized, she's got five and it's like a bulleted checklist. Like you can see the personal organization of your fears. Jocelyn Sams: So we did this podcast intake form and earlier Shane was just kind of like reading it out before we get on the phone and I was like, okay, check, check, check. I feel like I was playing online business bingo. Okay, here's this mindset- Shane Sams: I think these are the five biggest fears that everybody has. Right? Jocelyn Sams: Bingo! Shane Sams: Bingo, got it. All right, so we've got this, we have a bulleted list. Normally we tackle one fear on the show, we're just going to have a kind of a lightning round of fear and obstacles. Jocelyn Sams: We like to over deliver in this podcast. Shane Sams: We're going to over deliver, so get back guys, everybody out there. I guarantee you in the next few minutes you're going to hear a fear or five that you have holding you back right now in life. Okay. All right. So what I'm going to do is we're going to read the fears to you, okay? And then you take us and give us a little more information about the fear and then we're going to talk about some strategies maybe for overcoming it. Jocelyn Sams: And we're not hating on you of course. Shane Sams: No, not hate on you. Everybody has fears. Jocelyn Sams: I'm happy to provide entertainment. Shane Sams: That's right. Okay, all right, Jocelyn, let's go to fear or obstacle number one. Jocelyn Sams: All right so number one. Hold on, I got to scroll just a little bit here. Shane Sams: There's so many fears. We had to scroll back up. It was below the fold. Jocelyn Sams: No, in fairness, in fairness I had accidentally closed the calendar. Okay, number one, I know families need my product but I'm not sure people are willing to pay for it. I find a lot of what I would sell for free on Pinterest, blogs, Instagram, Facebook, etc. Shane Sams: So that's kind of a fear of maybe people won't see the value in it. So where does that come from? Tell us a little bit more about why that's holding you back. Priscilla Y.: Well, I think really where it comes from is I'm a pretty resourceful person on my own and so a lot of what I've learned, I've had to learn by going on Pinterest and reading tons of blogs. And observing the way other people do things and in my mind, other people do that too. I'm like, "Why would they pay me for the knowledge that I have around this if they can go and do what I did? Which is go onto Pinterest or blogs or get these ideas themselves." Shane Sams: Yeah. I think you and Jocelyn might have the same brain cells because that's one of the things that really gets her fired up is, well I just go figure things out like trips, whatever, why doesn't anyone else do this? Jocelyn Sams: Yeah. There is this I don't know if it's a book or a system, I don't know. But anyway, it's one of the personality assessments. I can't remember which one, but you basically identify as like a quick start or a fact finder and I'm a fact finder. It's the one with the numbers, I can't remember what it's called. But anyway- Shane Sams: Is it the Enneagrams? Jocelyn Sams: No, I don't think it's the Enneagram, it's another one that has like, well- Shane Sams: It's one of those things that tells you your basic personality traits. Jocelyn Sams: Yeah. So I'm a fact finder and those things are really interesting to me. I love to Google search, I love to dig in and research things and find out all the information. And I feel like there aren't really a lot of people like that. And I think I never realized that for a really long time. I just kind of assumed that everyone else was like me. Shane Sams: Except Shane, I'm a quick start. Jocelyn Sams: That's a given. But I just kind of assumed that everyone else was like me. And as I started in business, I realized that most people just want to have things handed to them. They don't like to dig in and do the research. A lot of people don't. There are some people who do and they will probably never buy your product, but they're not your market. Shane Sams: And this goes back to it, fears are always defeated by truth, right? The problem is, sometimes we're in the forest and we can't see the forest for the trees and we can't see the truth. The truth that beats this fear almost every time is that people are not buying your content, okay? What they're buying is leadership. What they're buying is curation. What they're buying is someone who's walked the path to show them the potholes in the road. That's what everything is like you don't really sell courses, you create courses, but then you put the courses together to give a system to people that they can follow without having to go research it for four hours. Okay, so like that's what the flip your life blueprint is, we have so much content in the flip your life blueprint, right? There's dozens of courses, thousands of conversations and comments. There's so much stuff in there, but that's not why people like the blueprint. Shane Sams: They like the blueprint because it says at the top, step one, watch this video and do it. And then it says step two, step three, step four and just guides you through the process without you having to look it up, without you having to go search for everything and watch the magician's hands and totally deconstruct exactly how this stuff works. Right? And if you embrace that truth, you realize people will pay for the process. For example, I bet there's a lot of people out there who have thought to themselves, and you may have thought this in the beginning, is anyone really going to pay me to come in their house and help them sort their junk drawer like right? Did you feel that when you first started doing it? Priscilla Y.: Oh yeah. Shane Sams: Right? Because they didn't want to organize the junk drawer, they wanted to pay you to help do it. And it's the same thing with online business. Okay. Priscilla Y.: Okay. Shane Sams: Yeah. So people will pay for this. We have seen other community members in a similar space create products in this world and it's worked. Okay. So we'll talk a little bit more about what those it looks like. All right, so fear or obstacle number two on the organized checklist. Jocelyn Sams: I'm scrolling again. Okay. Number two says, I'm not sure I'm tech savvy enough. I built my own website, taught myself MailChimp and some other tools but I feel really overwhelmed by online business terms and tools. Doing keyword research was a challenge. Is that a red flag? Shane Sams: Okay. Priscilla, you literally said, I don't think I'm tech savvy enough but- Jocelyn Sams: I have learned 67 tools however- Shane Sams: However, I built a website, taught myself how to integrate MailChimp and other email tools and I've learned a lot of other tools, but there's one tool can be a little speed bump, is this a red flag, do I need to turn back now? Jocelyn Sams: Priscilla, it's over. Sorry. Shane Sams: Yeah, right. Jocelyn Sams: Just kidding. Shane Sams: The tech stuff is so funny because if you think about it, every piece of technology that we encounter, we have to learn it. Like you didn't know how to use an iPhone when you first got it, right? Back in the day I remember when I got my first flip phone, I got the razor, that Motorola Razor. Jocelyn Sams: I was going to say back the in 19s but it wasn't in the 19s. Shane Sams: It was like the early twos or whatever it's called. But I got this thing, but like I didn't know how to text on it. I had to figure out that you had to type the words like- Jocelyn Sams: And you had to hit the button three times- Shane Sams: Hit the button three times before it switched over. But like everything is new, everything is totally new and you figured all this other stuff out, why couldn't you figure the next thing out? Or if you can't figure that out, you just find another path and use another tool. Right? What hung you up about doing keyword research? Was it the tool or was it the process of finding good keywords for your brand? Priscilla Y.: It was both. So initially the tool was set up for my service business and the key words are different for this than my service business so changing the keywords alone, I found difficult and I like, this cannot be this hard, why am I having a hard time with is. And then once I got it I was kind of clueless as to what the data was pulling out. Like what am I looking at here, what is this two point whatever or number? So- Shane Sams: What tool are you using? Priscilla Y.: Google. Shane Sams: The Google key word tool. Priscilla Y.: Yeah. And so then I found a video on YouTube that kind of broke it down. And I still feel like I don't fully understand it, but I kind of narrowed in what is a decent range versus, that didn't get any keyword searches then, then that's probably not the direction. Shane Sams: Sure. Priscilla Y.: But. Yeah. Shane Sams: And see, what I heard there, you may not have a full grasp of what you're doing with the keyword research tool, but you're doing exactly what it takes to overcome the tech fear. You're wrestling with it, right? I can do as many courses. Like we got tech courses in there about WordPress, we have keyword research stuff. It's more strategic, not exactly with those tools. Right. But until you actually get on the bicycle and try to stay up, you're never going to be able to ride the bicycle. You can watch a course about how to ride a bicycle. You can have someone sit over coffee and tell you how to ride the bicycle, but until your butt's in the seat and your feet are on the pedals, you're not riding a bicycle. Shane Sams: Right. And what happened when you learn how to ride a bike? You fell. I remember when you learned how to drive a car. I remember, let me tell you a story about me driving. So I was learning how to drive a car and I was like 16 right? And my dad had an office parking lot and he was like, we bring two cars over to the parking lot and I had to practice parallel parking right, before I could go take my driver's test. So Dad's like, all right, look, you've got the whole parking lot. I want you to just get used to it in here when nobody's around you. I'm going to go inside and do some paperwork and get stuff done. So I've got one of our cars right beside the other car so I kind of parallel park once and mess it up. Shane Sams: I do it again and get way far and I'm like, man, I'm not close enough. I can't get to the car. So I get a little closer to the other car and I cut the wheel and I'm not kidding you. The one car went under the other car and lifted it off the ground and I was like, oh no. And I pulled it back in drive and I hit the gas and I pulled off and I just heard this big kaboom kaboom and the other car fell to the ground and started like popping like somebody was hitting switches in a rap video and it was insane. And I looked around, I was looking over at the mirror, the window, and dad was looking down at his papers. I got out and made sure for somehow, it didn't barely do anything but like scratch it a little bit, but somehow I got the car under the other car and I was like, oh my gosh. But I eventually I figured out how to parallel park. I passed my driver's test unlike my wife and- Jocelyn Sams: Hey. Shane Sams: And I was able to do that, but I had some problems figuring out the new tech, you know what I'm saying? So you're doing... That's how you beat the tech challenge is you don't try to figure it all out. You just go play with it. You break stuff, you put it back together, and eventually that fear will go away and it'll start serving you better. Okay? Priscilla Y.: Okay. Jocelyn Sams: All right. Shane Sams: Fear number three. Scroll the checklist one more time. Jocelyn Sams: Okay, I didn't have to scroll too far, this one's kind of short. Okay. It says, I'm a perfectionist. In other words, procrastinator/scaredy cat. Shane Sams: Why do you think you're a perfectionist? And also why do you think it's related to being a scaredy cat? Priscilla Y.: Oh, well, I mean, c'mon let's be real here. Any time somebody has to have something perfect, it's because they're afraid if it's not, they'll look stupid. There are very few people that are perfectionists. Just because it just bothers them if something isn't just the right, I think a lot of times, at least for me it's related to, "Oh man, I don't want egg on my face here." Jocelyn Sams: Yeah. And listen, maybe we should start a support group Priscilla. Shane Sams: I think you and Jocelyn definitely need to start a support group because you all have the exact same- Priscilla Y.: I'm in. Jocelyn Sams: I'm pretty sure that we're the same person and I'm sorry about that. No, I'm just kidding. Okay. So all right, I'm with you. I think mine a lot of times is fear of what might happen if it isn't 'perfect.' That's a lot of what bothers me. I don't know if that's what bothers you. Shane Sams: Especially when you're trying to meet external expectations. I think Jocelyn wrestles with that more. I think you do too, a little bit hearing these fears because you're more... It's not necessarily that you're not going to get it perfect. And I would say in your own life you might be a little more forgiving as a perfectionist, but it's like, what if it's not perfect then the other person expected perfection or they always- Priscilla Y.: And they're disappointed. Jocelyn Sams: Yes. And for me it's about, okay if the results don't turn out the way that I think they should be or the way someone else thinks they should be, what might happen then? It's like that fear of something unknown to me and I don't like that. That's why I try to very tightly control things, which is not a good thing. Shane Sams: That's why I don't let Jocelyn read emails that I send out before I send them because Jocelyn will spend four hours. The first thing she does is she has this super power where she can look at a 5,000 word block of text and go, there's not a period in sentence 38 and she can just like, you accidentally used a there instead of their, like she can just see grammatical errors it's like she can process the whole thing. Jocelyn Sams: It's sort of like they blink red to me. I don't know like I can- Priscilla Y.: It's a gift. Shane Sams: Yes, it's a gift. Jocelyn Sams: It is, it's a very annoying gift and a very annoying superpower. Shane Sams: The most annoying superpower you could ever have. Jocelyn Sams: You have to have those people in the world. Shane Sams: It's funny because I'll send an email and Jocelyn's like on the list so she'll see it after the fact. She'll be like, "Really, you sent this to humans? You let people do this?" I'm kind of like, whatever, there are 90% of people like me that don't even read it. I'll be kind of like, all the grammar Nazis will just unsubscribe and leave. I'm just kidding, don't unsubscribe and don't get mad at me if you love grammar, Jocelyn loves grammar. Jocelyn Sams: And if you get an email with a misspelling or an incorrect pronunciation, just know it wasn't me. Shane Sams: It is not Joc. She actually at one part wanted me to put down at the bottom, like typed by Shane so no one would judge her for any of my spelling errors, right. Because I sign things Shane and Jocelyn, so anyway, but the point is, like it is those external expectations, that's the feel here. Priscilla Y.: I totally identify with that. Shane Sams: Yes and it can make you put things off because you're afraid of getting judged. We had a problem with a local business recently and Jocelyn had been telling me about it and telling me about it and telling me about it and telling me about it and I was like, can we just say something to them? And she's like, no, because then the external conflict would come in or the judgment or the, what if they don't agree with us. Right. And I finally just sent an email because I was just like, and I sent Jocelyn a text, I said, I sent an email of everything you told me, no mercy. And she was just like, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe you just did that." But anyway, it's like sometimes you just, the only way to beat this fear is to just do it and be scared and absorb any negativity that comes. And that's really, really hard. Shane Sams: So being a perfectionist is really hard, but I find that the best thing to do in this situation, when people start doing things consistently, you overcome it. Like let's say you're afraid to do YouTube videos. Well, let's just use this as a fear, right? Because you're, you're a perfectionist. You want to edit them. You want them to look as good as everybody else's. The way to beat that fear is to do live Q and A's or videos, 10 minutes a day, every day for a month. Jocelyn Sams: That cannot be edited. Shane Sams: That cannot be edited. That cannot be stopped, once you turn the camera on, it goes. They may not be the best videos you could ever release, but you'll get so used to doing that thing that it'll eventually feel like habit and you won't even care anymore. Jocelyn Sams: And just become the person who's perfectly imperfect, that's what we try to do, I mean, we sit here and record this podcast every week and we're very unapologetic that we're not perfect. If you're looking for somebody who is super polished, we're probably not the people for you. Shane Sams: Yeah. We have an editor and we have our little rig here, like basically you have this little bitty soundboard with two mics and it's plugged into a USB port. We don't have the fancy editing and maybe our audio is not the best of some other podcasts, but the point for us is to help as many people as fast as possible, right? So we don't have time to deal with the perfection and the audio files and all that stuff, like the content's where the money is, that's where the gold is. That's where the help comes from and we can't be slowed down by our perfectionism. If we're going to help as many people as possible. Priscilla Y.: So that's also what makes you guys so relatable too and I guess I'll have to remember that in my business is that really, I want my audience to relate or I want to be able to relate to them and they're not perfect either. Jocelyn Sams: Absolutely. And something that helps me a lot is just thinking about how no matter what, no matter if your content or whatever you're doing is as perfect as you want it to be or as perfect as you think someone else wants it to be, there's always going to be somebody who's not going to like it and it doesn't matter. Like you could halfway do it and someone's not going to like it. Or you can do it 150% and someone's not going to like it. So just knowing that always gives me a little bit of sense of ease just knowing that. There's always going to be people out there in the world who are going to be negative about whatever it is that you're doing. You just have to brush it off and move on. Priscilla Y.: I can do that. Shane Sams: All right, now that we've punched perfectionism in the face, let's go on to fear/obstacle number four on Priscilla's list. Jocelyn Sams: All right, number four it says until the fall when my daughter goes to school full time and I get a part time nanny for my son, time is a major challenge. I have about three hours a day I can dedicate to business since I'm still working with clients that time also has to be used for back office hours for my current business. Shane Sams: Okay. So this is the kind of fear I don't have enough time to get everything done. Is that what you're saying here? Priscilla Y.: Yeah. Absolutely. Shane Sams: Where does that come from though? Because three hours is a lot of time. Like if you point that way, do you feel like you should be doing something else that you're not doing enough? Everybody has the time veer for different reasons. It might be like I've only got one hour a day and maybe I'm using that and I should be holding my kids or playing with my kids or hanging out with my spouse or whatever. Or maybe I should be taking care of myself and relaxing like what's the fear there? Like why do you feel like that's not enough time? Priscilla Y.: So I think the fear goes back to fear number two which is about the tech stuff, or not feeling tech savvy enough. It's taking me so long to learn some of these things or I feel like it is, that a big chunk of that time that I have is just spent learning. And I know you guys say that it'll go by faster and I believe that. But I'm learning a lot of this on the fly, and so I feel like that's the part that makes me feel like I'm just learning and not creating and therefore I'm not putting stuff out. And so it feels like not enough time. Shane Sams: The fear of time usually comes from looking at other people and comparing what they're doing or seeing what's possible or trying to get there as fast as possible. And one of the biggest mistakes that we see beginners make, or even entrepreneurs at a higher level, is trying to get to the next level like it's a race, right? Because in reality some people may feel a desperation to get out of their job or a desperation to get to the next level or they're really inspired because they see someone made something happen, right? But then, and then it all of a sudden turns into a race. Shane Sams: But it's not a race. It doesn't matter if it takes you one year, two years or three years to get everything done. Everyone's going to do this at a different timeframe and everyone has to learn how to do the next step before they can take the next step, right? So it's not about like getting there as fast as possible. It's really just about getting there, in my mastermind this morning, we were sharing like we had a little, one of our people in our mastermind in my mastermind asked where were you 10 years ago? Right? And it was crazy because one guy was like, man, 10 years ago I had just moved to a new town and gotten a job and I was making $2,000 a month and my wife and I was making nothing but, and then he said last month was our first six figure profit month, but that was 10 years ago. Shane Sams: And it's not like he was like looking at the span trying to get there in 10 years or it was the same journey we all take. We're inspired because we see somebody else, he had started three other businesses before this one worked, but he had stuck with it for 10 years and he had gotten to the promise land. Right? And that's really what everyone has got to. It's just like the Bible says, you've got to run your own race, right. And if you start comparing yourself and you start feeling the pressures or you start feeling that desperation, you're going to try to rush through the process and then that's just going to make you run off the rails. If the train goes too fast, it's going to crash, right? So try to reframe it as not that I don't have enough time, I've got plenty of time because I don't have to finish in a year. Shane Sams: I don't have to finish in two years. I've just got to take the next step and learn it. Maybe that's what you do today and then tomorrow you do the thing and then you learn the next step and just slow down and get it right before you try to get it done quickly. Jocelyn Sams: Yeah, and I would just encourage you to make sure that all of the things that you're thinking about are actually important, and I say this because it's something that I struggle with a lot of times. I will look and say, okay, well, our landing page has a problem and our SEO is not 100% optimized. Shane Sams: You didn't put a period at the end of that sentence, Shane when you wrote that copy. Jocelyn Sams: We need to be on Pinterest posting regularly. We need to be on Instagram, we need to be on Facebook. We need to be figuring out where we are in the rankings for this keyword. I have all of these things in my mind all the time, but they're not always important. All of them. Shane Sams: Especially like when you get sucked into a podcast that talks about a new tool you've never heard of and you're like, "Ooh, I bet that would help my business." And like really? I was talking to somebody the other day about needle movers, the only needle movers really in your business are that you're creating valuable content. You're getting Opt-ins for leads and you're telling your leads about your product to sell. There's really nothing else you really need to do in your business. If everyone would just do those three things every day. Create a piece of content, release it, make sure the content points to an Opt-in, get the email. Jocelyn Sams: Tell those people- Shane Sams: Tell those people you have something for sale. Jocelyn Sams: ... You have something cool that can solve their problem. Shane Sams: Yeah. That's the needle movers man. All this other stuff. Yeah. After that, if you've got time, you share it on 100 social media networks and you do all these other things but focus on the needle movers so you're not caught up in learning so much stuff, right? Priscilla Y.: Grow the needle movers. Shane Sams: Yes, exactly. Yes. It's all you got to do. Okay? Priscilla Y.: Got It. Jocelyn Sams: All right. Shane Sams: Fear or obstacle. We've made it to the fifth thing on the list and then we can get back to technical questions. Okay. But we're just, we're busting through the walls of fear today y'all so what is fear number five on the checklist? Jocelyn Sams: All right, it says, I'm not sure if I should create a course to sell product at a membership etc. The content has to be easy to digest yet actionable. Shane Sams: So is this basically you've got your lead magnet and you're kind of not sure what to do with, like what to sell to them? Priscilla Y.: Yeah, I mean I feel like my avatar is somewhat unique and I'm sure everybody says this, but busy moms tend to have very little time, and I see it a lot in my service business where follow through is really difficult. So a course sounds great but then my worry is will they complete it? A membership sounds amazing, but then my fear is will they interact with it? And so I guess it's kind of a fear that I'm not going to create the right content for my avatar. Shane Sams: This is actually a really common fear that a lot of people get stuck at this point. They're like, okay, what are they going to buy? Right? There's two parts of this and some of this is going to sound counterintuitive. Okay? Priscilla Y.: Okay. Shane Sams: The first thing you have, you do have one, it is awesome that you're thinking about how your people are going to consume the content. That's a big deal because you do have to create something that people can get results from or why create it. You got to care about how your people's success. Now the problem is when you go too far down that rabbit hole, you take all the responsibility from them taking action and put it on to you and you hold the weight and the anxiety of all of that. But here's the truth. It is your customer's responsibility to take action on what you're giving them. It is not your responsibility. If you buy a jug of milk, it's your job to drink it before it spoils. That's the truth. Or you wasted your money, right? And anyone who's going to sell online has to realize that maybe half your people may not take advantage of what you give them. They may come in, they may buy your thing and they may just not use it, and that's on them because all you can do is show people the path, right? You can't make them walk the path. It's the old horse to water. You can't make them drink. Right? Shane Sams: So that that's how you overcome this fear is to realize that in in any time you're coaching or teaching or providing a course or a membership, you're all your half is to give them the opportunity. It is their responsibility to take advantage of that opportunity. Jocelyn Sams: So the amazing advantage that you have right now is that you already have an audience. You have people following you on email, you have people following you on social media. The best thing to do honestly is just put it out there. Say, "Hey guys, I'm thinking about creating something really cool for you all and I was just wondering what would be the most beneficial to you? Here are a couple of ideas I have, what do you think about these or do you have any additional ideas?" Shane Sams: And also not getting caught up in what other people are doing, right? For example, like we sell video, we have video courses with PowerPoint slides, right? But if you'll notice inside of the flip your life blueprint, we also have Mp3s that you can listen to the course, right? We also have workbooks that you can download and write in and print things out. Okay, so you say people are busy. Well, what if your entire product that they bought from you was literally podcast they can listen to on the way to work on the way to the soccer game and it was telling them what to do when they got home to organize something and then it was like a Facebook group that they're already on Facebook. That's where your community lives. It doesn't have to look like what the experts do or me and Jocelyn or anybody else like if you talk to your audience, you can build the product that they're more likely to consume, right? Shane Sams: So you overcome this fear in two ways, what product should I create? One, what do your people say they want? Two, I am not responsible for their actions and success. I'm only responsible to lead them and give them opportunity. Once you embrace those two things, it's pretty easy to get over the fact and just go create the product instead of sitting around and worrying about it all the time. Priscilla Y.: That's so helpful. Jocelyn Sams: All right Priscilla, I hope that you feel a little bit better about some of these fears and mindset struggles and please don't think that we are picking on Priscilla because we did ask her if it was okay to kind of poke fun at her a little bit and she said- Shane Sams: It's all her fault. She's the organizer and she sent us a check list. And we got to go through the check list. That's just the way it is. Jocelyn Sams: So we are now going to jump into what you have been working on and how we can help you move forward. Priscilla Y.: Thanks you guys. I actually hearing all that stuff to me actually made me laugh too. I don't feel picked on at all and I just hope that it helps other people out there who might have at least one or two of those fears and I so what's next for me is I have this lead magnet now and I need to figure out what's next. Where do I focus next? I think it's creating content, but I'd love to hear from you guys where you would go. Shane Sams: The thing that we always say is product first, right? When we say product first we, what we mean is you create a lead magnet, which is a product that you exchange for contact information and you create a product that you can exchange for money. Okay, so you've got your lead magnet, you're getting emails, you're getting a social media following kind of built up here. The next step for you is to go to those people that are following you and for anybody listening, I don't care if you've got 10 emails or 200 emails or 2000 emails. If you have 10 people paying attention to you, you got an audience, right? Let them kind of tell you what they need, what should the course look like? Ask them specific questions. Do you want a video course that shows you how to organize your kitchen? Do you want me to do some kind of virtual coaching thing where we FaceTime and you walk me through your house and I create a plan for you from the comfort of my own home? Do you want me to create audio files that you can listen to and then take action? Shane Sams: Or do you want to actually see me cleaning a house and fixing up the organization in the bedrooms? Go to them and ask them what they want and then create the smallest version of that product so that they have something to buy. Jocelyn Sams: And always remember that just because you ask someone a question or they give you an opinion, it doesn't mean that you have to do it. If they say something and 10 people agree that they want to see you do A, B, C and you don't want to do A, B, C, then don't do it. I think sometimes people feel a little bit of pressure when they say, okay, what do you want me to do? And if Shane and I were to ask that, a lot of people would probably say, do one on one coaching. Well we don't want to do one on one coaching right now so we're not going to do that. So ask people but then also determine based on what they told you, like what fits in with your life and what you want to do. Shane Sams: And the key here again is create the simplest version of that product that you can put a price tag on, right? I mean it may be something as simple as people want to know how to organize their bedroom because they feel discombobulated and uncomfortable and they're not resting well because they don't have this oasis to retreat to at night, right? It could be something like that. Maybe you just create that. You do a one week bedroom challenge. You have a video that shows you the 10 steps of straightening it and you just make that and charge 25 bucks for it. It's just something to make money, right? Shane Sams: But get your product done. Because what happens is when you have a way to get leads and a way to sell something, now you have a place to point all this content you create to and that's how you make money online. And realize that it's going to evolve. This is not the product that's going to call the shot for the Babe Ruth home run. This is the first product and then you'll learn and then you'll make the second iteration and then you'll learn and eventually you'll have this big thing that can be sold for a couple of 100 bucks. It's really convenient for your audience. It's convenient for you and all of a sudden you've got a way to scale that income past those 20 hours that you're actually able to work a week. Priscilla Y.: I like that a lot, I feel like it just took so much off of my plate or off of my shoulders hearing that I don't have to make the big product right now. Shane Sams: No, you just have to make the first. Jocelyn created the biggest product I've ever seen when she made her one year lesson plans. Right. And, but she did it one month at a time and sold it one month at a time and then the next year- Jocelyn Sams: I had the whole package- Shane Sams: Ready to go. So people think we just wrote a bunch of lesson plans in a month and we sold all these things. That's not what happened. It was like a one year epic process plus an entire summer of putting it back together into something that could be sold in a big product. So it's like this is a process. It's not a race. When you're done, you'll know it because things will start happening. You just have to slow down and take the next step and get something for sale. Once you get something for sale, it's off to the races. Priscilla Y.: Okay. Jocelyn Sams: All right. Priscilla. Normally in this part of the show, we ask people what your action step is going to be, but I'm actually today going to give you some homework and your homework is to ask your audience what they would like see from you as a paid product. Shane Sams: And then you will know your next step and you can go build that thing for them and put a price tag on it. And like honestly, I'm challenging you to have this done in like 30 days. Put a time limit on yourself. Get this first thing done and out there based on that feedback and see what happens. Jocelyn Sams: And he's just talking about a product, not the final product. Right? Priscilla Y.: I got it. Yeah, I think, I know I can do that. Jocelyn Sams: All right. We're excited. We can't wait to see what happens next. Shane Sams: Well, listen, Priscilla, thank you so much for being on the show today, man. We always thank people for being so transparent with their fear, but you were transparent with five or six fears, so thank you so much. I'm sure that everybody out there listening probably got so much value from this show just being able to bust through those fears and ready to take action for themselves. Jocelyn Sams: And I feel you sister. I'll see you at the 12 step program. Okay. Priscilla Y.: Thanks Jocelyn. I feel like I'm in good company. Shane Sams: Wow. What a great episode of the Flipped Lifestyle Podcast, man. It was awesome going through all of those fears that were holding Priscilla back, but they really hold us all back. Just slamming those fears in the face over and over and over again. Guys, if you can get over your fears, if you can get over your obstacles, you can do all of the other stuff that really makes it happen in your online business. That's what we do inside of the Flip Your Life Community every single week, we work together to overcome these fears, push through all of the obstacles, get all of the little things done that build a business, that build a life that change our family's future, and we do it together. We would love to help you get past your fears, obstacles, any difficulties you're having, in your entrepreneurial journey inside of the Flip Your Life Community. Shane Sams: You can learn more about the Flip Your Life Community at flippedlifestyle.com/flipyourlife. We have courses and trainings and a community that is constantly talking about how to get past these things and how to get to the next level. We'd love to have you inside there as well. That's flippedlifestyle.com/flipyourlife. All right, guys, before we go today, we'd like to close with a Bible verse. Jocelyn and I draw a lot of inspiration from the Bible, not only in our life but for our business. Today's Bible verse comes from Proverbs 13 verse 11 and it says, dishonest money dwindles away but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow. Just like we talked about in the show today, guys, it's not a race. Baby steps will get you closer to the goal than no steps at all, but the point is to move forward little by little, until we find that success, until we flip our lives and we change our family trees forever. That's all the time we have for this week guys. Until next time, get out there, take action, and do whatever it takes to flip your life. We'll see you then. Jocelyn Sams: Bye. Links and resources mentioned on today's show: Priscilla's Website Flip Your Life LIVE 2019 Tickets & Registration Information Flip Your Life community Enjoy the podcast; we hope it inspires you to explore what's possible for your family! Join the Flip Your Life Community NOW for as little as $19 per month! https://flippedlifestyle.com/flipyourlife

This episode is based on events that took place in Season 3 Episode 3 of the TV series Madam Secretary, created by Barbara Hall. There are nine direct quotes: 1. “Da-ad, why are all the lights turning on and off?” 2. “It’s like a Stephen King novel up there.” 3. “It’s all right, kids.” 4. “Someone hacked into your security system.” 5. “How?” 6. “Is everything all right?” 7. “It’s fine. I’ll be upstairs in a minute.” 8. “So Dad’s supposed to quit his job just because you’re freaked out?” 9. “Don’t act like it’s just me. You sleep with a night light.” REFERENCES 1. “South China Sea." Madam Secretary. Season 3, Episode 3, CBS, 23 Oct. 2016. Netflix, https://www.netflix.com/watch/80188784?trackId=200257859

Sometimes we as daughters wish that we could tell you, our dads, what a challenge it often is for us not only to KNOW our true selves, but then to STAND STRONG in being who we really are. So Dad, if you want to start the year STRONG, then listen today and learn ways to support your daughter in finding her true self while shedding her false self!

William Rufus was a flamboyant, red faced, pudgy and irreverant bloke, but none the less his father's favourite son. So Dad tipped him the wink and he left the death bed to take the throne of England from his older brother. And spent his reign trying to re-unite England and... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Well, in case you havent guessed it, were talking about parenting today. Thank you to Tom and Susan for the good job you did for us this weekend (they performed a drama). We are in the last chapter of Ephesians. Wow, that was quick. That only took us about four months. Ephesians 6 is where were going to be, if you want to turn your Bibles there (page 1160). Well, 26 and a half years ago, I became a dad for the first time. I know what youre thinking, and youre right. My wife is getting up there. But it seems like yesterday that we were leaving the hospital. The nurse was wheeling her out in the wheelchair. We had the baby, and they said, Good luck to you! Congratulations! We hope everything goes well, and youre like, You guys are coming too, right? You nurses, youre coming with us, right? Because we dont know what were doing. I can remember we put her in the car seat. She was just five pounds, three ounces-really little. We were strapping her in there and thinking, I dont know what Im doing. I mean theres no manual that comes with this kid. This kid is completely dependent upon us for everything, and I dont know what Im doing. Sometimes 26 and a half years later, I still dont know what Im doing. I mean we wish there was a manual that we could look at and say, Okay, now when this happens, what do you do? Whats the next step we need to take in this scenario? What do I do now? Parenting is just a tough job, and I didnt realize how long it would last. I didnt realize that you parent at 6, and you parent when theyre 26. Its a big job. So Im hoping that we can help you a little bit with that job this morning. Those of you who are parents now or will be parents someday or are grandparents, Im hoping that wherever youre at, were going to share some things that will help you. Lets begin with Verse 1 of Chapter 6. Paul is writing to the church in Ephesus, and he says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. It might surprise you to know that when Paul says children, hes not necessarily talking to little children. The word that is given here is the word offspring. Now he doesnt use the word. He could have used the word for little children, but he doesnt do that. He uses the word offspring. Offspring, obey your parents in the Lord. I need to introduce you to a Latin term which describes the societal reality of the day. Its the term, patria potesta, power of the father, paternal power, or the power of the father. In that day in Roman culture, if you were the father, you were in charge of the family to the point where you could almost say the family was your property to do with as you please. You had ultimate authority, and it didnt matter how old you were if your father was alive, he was the patria potesta for your family. So you might be 60 years old, and you would still be under the authority of your dad. So when he says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, hes not necessarily just talking about the little runts that are running around Ephesus at that time. He could be talking to adult children as well. He says, Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother… Or give value to your father and mother. …which is the first commandment with a promise… And the promise is this, …that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. I think this is a very practical promise from Gods Word. This word obey-there are different words for obey. This one has to do with listening or harkening. It was a military term. There is an operation right now our military is conducting in Afghanistan. I dont know if youve been following this in the news, but it is this major offensive that is undergoing right now with Afghan and United States forces. Theyre trying to surround the Taliban, so they have no place to go and squeeze them out. I watched footage of the training as all the Marines gathered around the commander, and he was telling them what they were going to do. Im telling you they were listening intently because their lives depended upon-their safety depended upon following their commander. That's the word that is here. It is to listen intently. Its to harken. He says if youll do that-if youll listen to the counsel of your parents-life will go well for you because your parents love you more than anybody, so theyre going to tell you-theyre going to try to give you advice that is helpful to you. Many times we have not heeded our parents advice, and it didnt go well, right? We could all raise our hands and go, Yeah, there are some things that I… And if you cant raise your hands to that, youve probably forgotten. If we were to play your life tape back, youd go, Oh, yeah. Numerous times. And so its a practical promise. If we listen to our moms and dads, they have our best interest at heart; and its going to help your life go well. So were going to share some parenting principles now from Verse 4. Thats where were going to be for the duration of our time together. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. The first thing I want you to note in that verse is who does he say? Does he say moms and dads? Does he say parents? Does he say mothers and fathers? What does he say? Fathers. Why is that? Again, societal, cultural-patria potesta. He was the guy. This is not a portrait of a father who is divorced from the raising of his children. Hes out as the breadwinner, and the mom is doing all the raising and so forth while Dads out making the money. Occasionally he comes home as the disciplinarian. This was a home in which the father was central to the running of that household. So Paul is speaking-cause this is the culture they lived in-Paul is speaking to the fathers, so bear that in mind that we are talking to moms and dads today; but when Paul originally penned these words-because of the culture in which they lived, in the society to which he wrote-he writes these words on parenting, primarily to the dads. Were going to see that this blows away the myths of the macho man. Were going to see that it talks about manhood and fatherhood in a different way than some of the cultural myths and some of the cultural realities that are in our society today. He says first of all, …do not exasperate your children… Your translation might say, Do not provoke your children to anger. Do not provoke them to anger. Some of us think it should read, Children, do not provoke your parents to anger, cause it seems like thats the way it usually is. Do not provoke your children to anger. The man in the skit that we saw this morning (the audio is available at the beginning of this file online) was angry. He was angry. Why? Did you pick up on that? Why was he angry? He was angry about two things. He was angry, number one, at neglect or perceived neglect. That is something that will manifest into adulthood. If your parents neglected you, you will find anger there. Anger was a demand; anger is a demand, and the demand is you didnt value me. You didnt love me. You didnt support me, and that will lead to anger in their lives; so thats one of the ways, parents, that we can avoid provoking our children to anger-let them know and demonstrate always how important they are to us. They not only provide physical needs, but spending time with them, affirming their value and worth to us. I heard a story about a little boy. One day his dad came home, and he said, Daddy, can I ask you a question? He said, Sure, pal. Whats going on? He said, How much money do you make? He said, Well, Son, thats kind of a personal question. Why do you need to know how much money I make? I cant tell you, Dad, but how much money does your boss pay you an hour? He said, Well, if you must know, Son, I make $20 an hour. His son said, Wow! Thats a lot of money, Dad. I didnt realize that you were paid that much. Can I borrow $10? Well, you little rascal! You just wanted to know how much money I made. When you found out I made good money, you wanted to take my money to buy some toy or something selfish like that! You go to your room right now! He said, But, Dad! Just go to your room! I dont want to hear it! Go to your room right now! Okay, and the little guy trotted off to his room, and Dad started feeling bad. Maybe I was too harsh, too judgmental. Maybe theres a good reason that he wants this money. So Dad knocks on the door. The son opens up the door. Can I come in? Sure, Dad. He said, Listen, I was too hard on you. I dont know what you need the money for, but heres $10. His eyes light up, Thanks, Dad! He reaches under his pillow, and he pulls out a bunch of ones all crumpled up. He counts out ten more, and Dad says, Why did you need more money when you already have that much money? He starts to get mad all over again. He said, Because, Dad. Now I have $20. Can I buy an hour of your time? Wow is right. So desperate to be with his dad, hes willing to pay for that opportunity. Sadly, sometimes children feel that way. They feel like everything comes first except for them. That neglect can rise up with an anger in their lives, provoke them to anger. Now the other extreme, and we probably have more of these than neglecters, is the smotherers. Thats the parents who are over-protective. They never want to let their child have any freedom, never want to let their child have any freedom, never want to let their child take any risks. Theyre so over-protective, and what that does is that sends a message to the child that you dont trust me. That doesnt mean that they turn 13, and theyre on their own or turn 16 or 18 and theyre on their own. This is a gradual weaning process. You give them some freedom, and they show they can be trusted. Then you give them some more, right? Thats the text book, but some parents wont even do that. They wont give their child any freedom, and that sends a message that says, I dont trust you. Whats more, you interrupt the natural process of growing up because our job as parents is to raise them to independence. Thats our job. Its not that they can come into adulthood and still be dependent upon us. We want to train them to independence, so they can think for themselves and make right decisions. Sometimes that involves making wrong decisions and experiencing those consequences for those wrong decisions. Smothering can lead to resentment. Smothering can lead to anger as its a natural process for that child to want their freedom and to want their independence. If your child grows up and wants independence-theyre 18, 19, 20, theyre ready to go off to college-thats good! It means youve done your job. Theyre willing to stand on their own two feet. Youve done a good job. So over-protection-you know who you are. Youre out there. Weve seen a lot of kids elbowing parents this morning when I made that point. Smothering can have negative or adverse effects as well. Then the third one, Im going to just touch base on it briefly, and that was portrayed in our drama. That is favoritism, having a child who is favored, one over the other; and that can lead to some negative consequences. Joseph was a favorite of Jacob. In Genesis 37, we read of a tunic that his father made for him, special clothing of many colors, and it said that Josephs brothers hated him because of that. That leads to resentment among siblings, so the importance of affirming-every child is different, but affirm and value all our children all the same. Love them the same. Though theyre different and they have different skills, different temperaments, and different personalities, appreciate those differences in our children and make sure that were not showing favoritism in our home that could lead them to jealousy and resentment of their siblings or of us. Now, lets move on in this verse. So he gives a warning, but then he gives an encouragement. Heres what you shouldnt do. Now heres what you should do. He says, Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. I want to focus in on that verb-bring them up. Bring them up. This verb is used only twice in all the Bible, so its a very rare verb. Both instances of this verb bring them up are used in the Book of Ephesians. Thats the first example in Verse 4, where he says bring them up. The second, if youd just turn one page back in your Bibles, is found in Verse 29. Paul is speaking about the relationship between husbands and wives and says, After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it just as Christ does the church. You may not see the verb there, but its there. Right there where he says he feeds, …but he feeds. Thats the same verb as we find bring them up in Verse 4 of Chapter 6. It means to nourish or to nurture. Isnt it interesting? Who is Paul talking to primarily as his audience in this verse? Fathers. And what does he say to the fathers? Nurture. Well, we think, Well, thats the moms job, right? Thats the moms job. Dad, you know, hes the tough disciplinarian guy. No, the Scripture says, Dad, if hes a true mans man, is tender. Hes involved in the physical upbringing of the child. He is helping to meet the physical needs of the child. He is involved in the nourishing and the nurturing of the child. Thats the Biblical model of a father. I changed as many diapers as my wife changed. One of the happiest days of my life was going through the grocery store and realizing I didnt have to buy any more diapers. What a wonderful day that was! I probably twirled the cart around and danced. People thought I was probably crazy. I dont have to get diapers anymore! If I ever become a grandparent, Im going to wear a sign that says, I do not do diapers. I dont know if the Bible addresses grandparents in diapers. If it does, dont tell me about it. I dont want to hear it. Im done. But I got up in the middle of the night. I changed the children, bathed the children, and clothed the children. I was limited in how I could feed the children, but I could handle a bottle. I couldnt nurse them, but I could feed them the bottle. I got very proficient at it. By the end of the third child, I was like, phew, phew, phew, phew! I could really handle that bottle, rock them and burp them and all that stuff. Thats part of fatherhood, guys. Some of our guys out there who have young children or are going to, you should be involved in that whole nurturing process and just as involved as they grow. It involves touch and affirming through touch, hugging and telling them how much you love them. [It involves] being involved in the physical raising of that child. Its just as much the job of the father as the mother. So Paul puts that on the father. He says nurture them. There are a couple ways that he wants the child to be nurtured. He says to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Lets talk about the word training, first of all. I want you to turn in your Bibles to Hebrews 12. Look at Verse 5 (page 1193 of pew Bibles). My son, do not make light of the Lords discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves and punishes everyone He accepts as a son. So discipline is a form of love. If you love someone, youll discipline them. If you dont discipline them, its a sign that you dont love them because if you love them, you will care about their attitudes and actions and habits. This same word discipline here in Hebrews 12 is the word that we find translated training in Ephesians 6. So really Paul is speaking about discipline here. Hes saying, Discipline your children. You know, in our society today, it seems like there are a lot of parents who want to be popular to the point where theyll forego discipline. They want to be the cool parent-the parent of so and sos mom and dad lets him do everything. They want to be that. You can either choose to be popular short-term or popular long-term. Choose to be popular long-term. Choose to be the kind of parent who uses discipline, so your children wont say, You know, when I was growing up, you wouldnt let me do this and that, and boy Im so glad now. Im so glad that you had a control over our family, that you exerted discipline in our household. Teachers will tell you on a grade school, high school, college level of the struggle they have teaching children because they lack discipline in the home today. It becomes almost intolerable. The children that do not learn authority, that did not learn to respect authority, they dont understand discipline. Our teachers are telling you they are having a hard time. It has reached an epidemic proportion. I know who are our teachers are, and I look out over them this weekend in our services. Invariably, the teachers are looking back at me going, Yup, welcome to my world. That's what I live. They will tell you that it is-and if theyve been in the teaching profession for a long time, they will tell you that its getting worse and worse. Parents are neglecting their children, or they are not disciplining their children because they want to be the cool parent. Friends, one of the greatest privileges and responsibilities we have is to discipline our children. Dont choose to be popular. Choose to be a parent. You have minors in your home? They dont need a buddy and a pal. They need a mom and a dad who are going to guide them, instruct them and teach them morality and virtue; and thats the goal of discipline. Verse 7 says, Endure hardship as discipline… training. God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. However, we all have human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. And so the writer talks about this. He says that that discipline is for your benefit. Its to change your attitudes. Its to change your behavior. Its to help you grow in virtues. It might be painful, but its necessary. The goal is not to punish. The goal is to teach. Sometimes children dont understand that. They think youre just trying to be mean. I had to discipline my youngest this week. We were in a restaurant-shes 13-and they have this newfangled technology called texting. Shes got her cell phone, and we are having dinner at a local restaurant. Its family time, and were talking. I look over and shes texting a friend. I go, What are you doing? Texting. I said, Not now, youre not. Were having family time, so you need to text your friends and tell them that you wont be able to talk for a while. Okay? She said, Okay. She puts the phone away. About 20 minutes later, were having conversation. I look over. I see her heads down. I go, What are you doing? Are you texting? Give me your phone. Give me your phone. She gave me the phone, didnt give me a hassle. She just gave me the phone. I said, When were having time as a family, then you need to be talking to us. Its rude for you to talk to your friends on the telephone while we are trying to have a conversation. Your attention needs to be right here. You can have this back in the morning, so you wont be talking to your friends anymore tonight. Am I trying to be mean? Do I not want her to have a social life? Am I going, Oh, my evil plan is working! Now she cannot speak to her friends. Ive cut off communication! Of course, then they just go on Facebook and find another way around it. What am I trying to teach her? Im trying to teach her some manners. Im trying to teach her about whats important, Right now, this is the time for your family, so the next time were in a restaurant, I dont even have to have that conversation with her because she knows this is the time where were doing something together as a family. This is the time were together as a family. Thats the goal of discipline. Its the goal of training or shaping that child and helping to shape their attitudes, actions and behaviors. That is the responsibility of a parent. We should not shirk that to the church or to the schools. That is our responsibility-to teach them to respect authority and to discipline them at home. Going back to Ephesians then and trying to finish out Verse 4. He says, …bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Instruction of the Lord. This is a twofold process that involves speaking and modeling. Both are important-teaching and instructing. Deuteronomy 6, God is speaking and reiterating the law. Jesus said this commandment was the most important commandment of all-Chapter 6:4 (page 178). Lets read that together, Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. You know if youre able to have a family devotion time, a structured time every week, thats wonderful. Ive had a difficult time doing that. I have to confess to you. That's been difficult, but I also think that the life is the classroom. The best times Ive talked with my children about matters of faith have been when were in a car going somewhere, were on a vacation, were going to a ball game, or were just going out and doing something together. Those are some of the most meaningful teaching times. If its in a structured setting only, thats too small. The classroom has to be life. The class is always in session, always instructing. Notice what it says. He says, You are to impress them on your children, these commandments, these truths about Me. Impress them upon your children. Ive never understood these parents who say, My children-when it comes to my faith-Im not going to cram my religion down their throats. Im going to let them decide what they want to do. Thats up to them, however they want to serve and follow God. Thats up to them. Im not going to try to impose my beliefs on them. Okay, heres a problem, guys. Number one, I believe that children ultimately are going to make their own choices. I dont question that, but to say, Im going to take the most important responsibility I have-teaching my children about God and about eternity-the most important thing, and Im just going to leave that up to chance. Im just going to say, Well, you know, whatever you want to do. It just does not compute and that's not what the Scripture says. We are to impress them upon our children. The highest value you have is to transfer your faith to your children. Now they could choose to reject that faith, but if youre teaching and modeling, the chances of that are pretty slim. Your modeling is important because if youre not modeling it, it really doesnt matter what you say. You say, The Lord says thus and so. The Bible says, Thus and so. But youre not doing that if youre living in hypocrisy. Your children will see through that, and theyre not going to want to have anything to do with your God and your faith. No matter what youve said, theyre going to be looking at your example; so it is both our teaching and our modeling that are important. We learn many times by viewing and seeing. When I took a job in Rockford as an assistant pastor there, my boss had been a pastor already for 30 years by the time I got there. So here I am, green as grass. Hed been there for 30 years. Its like, Im going to learn a lot. I had this mistaken notion that we would sit down and have actual teaching times. Wed say, Okay, heres what a pastor does. Heres what a pastor says, and Id just take notes. Well, that never happened. What did happen was over that seven and a half year period, I was able to observe him-how he led our staff, how he led me, and how he handled certain crises and things in the church. When I left for Wisconsin, I said, You know Im going to have to call you every week because Im going to run into scenarios where I dont know what to do. This eight year period has really helped me, but I still have so much to learn. You know Ill be calling you. He said, Thats fine. Ive had to call him maybe a half a dozen times in 20 years. Thats not a lot-once every almost four years or so I make a call. What do I do now? Hes still, by the way, pasturing at age 79-same town, same church. I dont hope to be pasturing when Im 80. Ill just let you in on a little secret there. But hes still doing it. I called him one time. I said, Listen. I dont call you a lot for advice because you did such a great job. Ill get in to situations, and Ill know what to do because Ill remember, Well, we were in a similar situation in Rockford. Heres how we handled it. [To Pastor Lyon in Rockford], So I learned from your model. He didnt actually come down and say, Heres what you do. But I watched it, and I learned from it; so modeling is important. Modeling does not usurp the teaching. Im not saying its one or the other. It is both working together in harmony. It is instructing verbally and modeling that are both important as we seek to raise those children to know the Lord and follow Him; and you have no higher priority in your life than to do that. What I want to do in the time we have remaining is take some time of extended prayer. I want to pray for our parents today, and then I want to pray for those who are maybe dealing with some of the anger, some of the bitterness from problems in your childhood that you could [maybe] identify with that skit today with. Maybe that stirred up some emotions in you. Im going to invite you to just bow your heads and close your eyes as we look to the Lord in prayer. First of all I want to address you parents out here. Are there any moms and dads right now-youre just struggling? Maybe your kids are rebelling, and theyre pressuring you. You just dont know what to do sometimes. You just need some wisdom and strength. Let me see your hands right now. All right, all around this room: Father, I just want to lift up those moms and dads. That hand is a sign of faith. It is a cry for help. They are humbly saying that they dont have all the answers and that Lord, this parenting job sometimes is overwhelming, and we wish we had a textbook we could turn to each and every page for and every scenario. But, Lord, we have You. Lord, we know that even in the Garden, in perfect conditions, idyllic conditions, Your children rebelled. We know even in the dessert, as You provided for the children of Israel, many of them rebelled against You; so even if we are the perfect parent, we can still encounter opposition from our children. Sometimes we are tempted to cave in because of their strong will and their relentless pressure. Lord, I pray that these parents would hold fast, that theyd have the courage to stick to their convictions, to live out their convictions. I pray that Youd give them wisdom and discernment in the situations that they are now facing. As they raise their hand to signify a need, there is probably a specific situation-circumstances-that are tied to that need, to that hand. I pray for wisdom and counsel by Your Spirit to guide them as they make decisions, as they take action steps-that they will be the right ones. Lord, I want to pray now for those of us who struggle with anger. Can I see your hands if you struggle with some anger from your childhood and things that your parents did. Oh, man. Lord, some of those memories are so fresh in our minds, and some of those wounds feel as if theyd happened yesterday. Lord, there are a lot of hurting people today. A lot of hands went up. They right now are having to deal with hurt and even anger from something that happened and sometimes even decades ago. Lord, I ask You right now because You know us better than we know ourselves. You are the great physician. You can help us better than any doctor, any psychologist, any pastor, or any therapist. You can help us better than anyone. I ask You right now to bring ministry and healing to those memories. I pray, Father, that You would bring restoration and forgiveness. Lord, in those areas where we need to make amends, I pray that wed be willing to go back to our children when possible and ask for their forgiveness for the things weve done and said that we shouldnt have said or done, the things we didnt do or didnt say that we should have said but did not. Lord, I pray that there could be steps taken for healing, for forgiveness, that were not bound to the past-the past is not repeated in our lives, that we will be able to release and be free. Certainly forgiveness does not justify wrong behavior, but what it does is it frees us to begin to rebuild and to begin to restore what has been lost. I pray right now for those whove had pain brought up today to the surface that Youd minister to them through Your Holy Spirit and that You would bring healing to them and help in this time of need. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen.