IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

Tom Lucy is the kind of guy one finds impossible to dislike. He’s kind, charming, FUNNY, engaging, and has two first names. He has a solid group of friends, a loving family, and has a good head on his shoulders. He’s career-oriented. A thinker. Driven. He’s 23. The first time we met, we began our conversation by examining our mutual, ten year separated, existential crises. Our second encounter was at a birthday dinner where I watched him concoct a last-minute birthday speech, which was perfectly (and comedically) executed. The third time we sat across one another and I badgered the poor guy for an hour on comedy and the inner-workings of his field, which led us to discuss the potential of sitting down to record the very podcast you’re about to hear. He said yes. I followed up…and, here we are. We spoke of all the things I like best: Vulnerability, Work Ethic, Family Dynamics, Relationship’s pitfalls and joys, and Wake Up calls. For 23, the dude has a lot to share without an ounce of judgement or righteousness. I’ll let you decide for yourself. Oh, and don’t bother calling him Tom. It’s Tom Lucy.

Igor is my brother. He is a professional athlete. An ice hockey player to be exact. He is 21 years old and currently finds himself in a stage of change and transition. Except, unlike most of us (myself included), Igor is prepared for the Unknown. In fact, he’s excited for it, seeing it as an opportunity to create something special. He is not a wallower, not a stagnant force of nature complacent in the cards he’s been dealt — difficult ones including injuries and setbacks which have made his climb to the top that more difficult. He knows he is, and forever will be, the “Son of Igor Larionov’, but he doesn’t let the negative talk around some of his perceived privileges get in the way of where he’s heading. What I didn’t know is that he is an eternal optimist, that he finds the silver-lining in situations unlikely to have a silver-lining at all. He is curious about the journey, not the destination. And he praises kindness above all. Am I biased? Yes. But, pleasantly surprised in the amount I learned from this young, brother of mine. He has much wisdom to share for a 21-year-old — lessons, stories, and takeaways applicable for athletes, parents of athletes and people in general striving for greatness.

The only thing you need to know is that we’re back (kind of) from our time away, and that Season Two of ‘IN THE UNKNOWN’ is available for your listening pleasure.

Let me start by saying: I love this being. She as an individual. She as an artist. She as a soul. She as a friend. Although, as you’ll hear in the pod, our meetings in-person can be counted on one hand. That’s because when we’re connected with our intuition, it’s that much easier to spot a fellow like-minded soul. She is a Detroit-based artist - arguably speaking, one of our most celebrated artists. Detroit wears her with pride. Walking the streets, one can catch her bright colored shapes placed on our most visible mural, livening up the walls of our burgeoning business sector in our WeWork’s, and waving proudly in flagship stores like Lululemon. She also, adorns the walls of local Detroiters, whose passion for the city isn’t complete without an Ellen Rutt piece. She’s also frickin cool — and approachable. She’s a friend of a friend of a friend and always willing to strike up a conversation, leaving the listener on the other side slightly changed from the encounter. Visibly, she is bright — like her art, and her smile smiles wider than yours. Simply put: you can’t miss her, and you shouldn’t. in this episode, Ellen bares all on her personal unknowns (see below), opening up on her battle with alcohol, the at times wildly loud inner-critic, and how she plans on bravely facing the road ahead in this next chapter of a nomadic lifestyle. Her trick? Listening. A tool she deeply developed whilst going into the woods. My personal favorite part? When she divulges on art-making. It is as lusciously sounding as love-making. There is an art form to the art-making. A trusting in one’s body, one movement after the next. A response, instead of a reaction. Mmmm.. it’s good to add to your toolbox, whether you’re looking to make art, make love, or to make the next best decision. Listen, take notes, and if you need further inspiration, find Ellen’s art. It will speak in the very same sing-songy whispers her voice speaks in. Ellen - you’re a frickin’ star. Thank you for this.

Andrew Kippen came into my life at just the opportune moment in time. I was in the middle of my New York stint in the summer of 2018, trying to figure out why all things that were easy in the past suddenly felt like a mountain I was never going to climb. The keyword you should be paying attention to here is: trying. Trying, aka, going against the energy of the Universe, which as I’ve learned and continue to learn, never gets us anywhere. In fact, it only gets us further from our Truth. Andrew’s name came up during a conversation with an acquaintance to whom I revealed that I was internally struggling with the world in which I was living. There were doors being closed and body ailments which prevented me from doing the work, along with other difficulties, to which my acquaintance said: call Andrew. So I did and we scheduled my very first hypnotherapy session. I will confess. I am not one to fear experiences especially as they pertain to the opening of the mind, heart and soul. However, hypnotherapy was as foreign as it comes and I was a bit apprehensive upon my arrival. Perhaps, looking back, not so much on the process itself, but what it was I was about to learn. You might be asking: which is what? The TRUTH, people! The Truth which sits inside all of us and yet we do everything in our power to avoid. Here’s where Andrew comes in. His uncanny ability to create a tangible stillness, calm, and safety in the room. His attention to detail as he listens, actively to the words streaming out of the subconscious. His playfulness and kindness, as he delves into crevices shut tightly by defense mechanisms built over the years. He’s gentle prodding and nudging without an ounce of judgement, force, or over-bearing control. With his skills he guides and leads to the Truth. Upon unveiling, he doesn’t sit back with arms-crossed in self-approval, instead stills his voice into an almost silence so as to openly welcome a deeply seeded wound. He is talented but also educated and also willing to say that what he knows today could change tomorrow. It is because of him that I am now sitting here in Moscow, Russia writing these very words. It was his guidance which opened up a pandora’s box of wishes and desires that I had long kept shut in the over-protective world I had created for myself as a means of survival. He nudged me into the unknown in the way that I nudge many. For that I am eternally grateful. I suggest you grab a piece of paper and a pen as you listen to his words in this podcast episode of In The Unknown. He is guidance. Period. And every word is filled with meaning. If you happen to sense yourself curious in exploring the world of hypnotherapy — jump! I promise you it will not disappoint. So, without further ado, here is my conversation with Andrew Kippen.

HERE's the known. I first encountered Lauren Harkness at a beautiful space in Brooklyn, New York while in attendance for a Conscious Sexuality Workshop produced by the Goddess Institute. On brand with my personal workshops - IN THE UNKNOWN - I had no idea what to expect. I arrived open and willing to listen and to learn. I have always been skeptical of sexuality in the form it takes in a female’s body because I had to learn about through personal trial and error, and without much education and/or guidance. Sex had always been a controversial topic in my world. It was not talked about in my childhood and it wasn’t fully explored or understood in my young adulthood. It is only of recent in the process of me reclaiming my life, my spirit and my body that I’ve begun to fully understand the complexity of female sexuality. Conscious Sexuality, that is, being aware (and conscious) of what it means to be a sexual female. In the two hour workshop, I found myself deeply engaged with the stories women shared — even I raised my hand to tell my story. —but what truly piqued my interest was Lauren and her ability to lead, guide, and teach an exceptionally difficult subject matter and human experience, in the most comprehendible, non-judgmental, and seamless way. Within minutes of opening her mouth the room became a safe space. There was a total and tangible connectivity amidst a group of total strangers. On top of this connection, Lauren was able to articulate and heal our collective insecurities and fears in the world of female sexuality by normalizing that which hadn’t felt “normal” before, and backing it up with her experience and education. I walked out of there with my mind swirling. How did I define conscious sexuality? What did it mean to me? What was the difference between seduction and sexuality? What is intimacy? What kind of partner do I want and what kind of partner do I want to be? Am I looking for monogamy or polyamory? And what if my mind changes? How do I step out of numbness to feeling? And how do I stand in my sexual power without it being stripped, abused, manipulated or taken away from me? These are all the questions that I pondered while I waited for the day that I could sit in conversation with Lauren. After all, this is done IN THE UNKNOWN, and so I was not able to research and formulate any predispositions. I wanted to be wholly and fully present in whatever it was that surfaced in our time together. Luckily for me, all of these questions came up and Lauren answered them so beautifully, gently, and full of wisdom. You’ll learn a lot about conscious sexuality, intimacy (both personal and interpersonal), sexual energy, communication in relationship, female empowerment, re-wiring our societal and primal desires and needs. We touch on the controversy and missed opportunities within the #metoo movement. And most importantly, we talk about the unknown’s within Lauren’s world which she ties neatly together to her own definition of what it means to be a conscious (sexual) female. This one’s a must-listen.

This connection is another one of those timing is everything and patience is a virtue. I first heard of Dan Doty indirectly via (once again) Jesse Israel, when mentioning a men’s retreat he’d attended called EVRYMAN. At first, I was connected to it’s co-founder, Sascha Lewis, with whom I met in person last fall. I made a note in my notebook that I’d like to continue this conversation with a potential collaboration in mind. Almost a year later, I attended a MediClub in Brooklyn. There I was grouped with four strangers to discuss a prompted topic. I exchanged contacts with one of the men after the event. We met for coffee. He mentioned EVRYMAN and suggested I connect with the Founder. An email was sent and a week later I was on a call with Dan Doty. We had things in common. Dan used to work as a producer, as had I. He had a love for Montana, as did I from my work there with VICE. But mostly we connected on the human condition and the need for the type of connection and conversation that he was providing for men. He expanded on EVRYMAN and what the retreat entails. He spoke of the men he was meeting. He made mention that he was looking to work with women as well. I knew then that this was my people. That was conversation #1. After a few weeks processing our conversation, I sent a follow up email asking Dan if he’d be interested in a podcast conversation. He immediately said yes. We set up a time and here’s the result of this timeline of events. The truth of the matter is this (as it always is): timing is everything. When Jesse first mentioned EVRYMAN, I had just started my IN THE UNKNOWN Workshops. I was not yet ready to properly comprehend and process the context of this podcast because I hadn’t yet done the work with others. Now, with nearly 60 Workshops under my belt, I had the experience and the hours to pull from my personal experiences in workshop, and to use my own personal journey as an example to relate. The patience it takes to get to this place is immense, however, when we exercise it and trust the process of time, we do not miss the connection when it arises, even if it comes months later. What I know is that Dan is a Warrior, someone on a journey to create space for all to reconnect with self and others. His approach is a bit different than mine and this could be due to his stronger foundation of self-confidence. That said, he too fears common Unknowns to mine, and articulates them most vulnerably with an immense strength, kindness and compassion. This is a listen for EVRYMAN looking to change their life. For every woman looking to better understand her man. And for anyone looking for self-betterment and a new way to live their life. I suggest STRONGLY that if you like what you hear you share: men, attend this retreat // women, suggest it to your men. This is a win for all. Thank you Dan for your heart + your mind. Friend (you know who you are) for the connect. And J for the planting of the seed.

HERE'S THE KNOWN. I was introduced to Shaunda Brown via email by Jesse Israel. He suggested we meet, record a podcast, or at the very least attend each other’s workshops. Somewhere within the message, there was probably a hidden (intentional) current for friendship but it did not need to be said. It just happened. After a few email exchanges, I attended Shaunda’s first Goddess Institute event on Conscious Sexuality. Goddess is her baby. It’s the thing she’s been manifesting, growing and birthing. I walked into a transformed space in Brooklyn, NY and took my seat on a fuzzy pillow smack dab in the middle. There was a microphone. A speaker (future pod guest - Lauren Harkness) and room full of ready-to-learn women. Shaunda spoke first. A few things immediately resonated. Work and the need to be busy, to do, and to prove one’s worth in a male-dominated industry. Injury and the overriding of one’s bodies message. “Don’t do this,” spoke Shaunda as she prepared herself to do a snowboarding trick she wasn’t equipped to do. Shortly after that, she separated her shoulder but pushed through - because that’s what we do - and ended up having more damage done than the original injury. Slooow down it screamed. It being the Universe, God, Spirit, and Body. Lastly, I was mesmerized by Shaunda’s ability to create a “safe” space for women to access their vulnerability, their wounds, their fears, and more importantly, their desires by using conscious sexuality as a healing mechanism. This language and her ability to weave the message into those around her is innately her gift. She cultivates the very meaning of “speak your truth” on a subject that so many still find taboo. If you don’t know who she is or have yet to hear of Goddess Institute — don’t worry…we’ll all know about it very soon. She is leading the charge to change the way we view sexuality in the mainstream and in modern times. It’s not a specific message that one needs to follow. It’s only specific to you. But to access that message, one must be willing to Show Up and to do the work of finding one’s Truth. It is the willingness that she is waiting on - not wasting time for the time’s to change as she is actively already in motion. When I sat down with her prior to this pod interview, I had asked her about her future goals and what she hopes for Goddess Institute. It was her desire to make it accessible for both men and women that truly solidified that this was "my person. She, like me, is inclusive and about the people. She, like me, isn’t using foreign concepts or language to change people’s minds. She, like me, is creating safe spaces for people to collectively move through things, getting them to the other side of wherever that may be for each individual. She, like me, is opening hearts and minds without force or a specific destination. Soul Sister — that’s as much as I knew coming into this conversation. The rest? The new partner-in-awesome relationship, her stories about Mom and Dad, her lessons-learned, her knowledge on conscious sexuality, her desires for her personal journey, and the details on Goddess Institute…well, that all showed up because we decided to Show Up for one another in conversation. Enjoy. xx HERE’S SHAUNDA’S UNKNOWN(S). I’m constantly learning every moment to trust myself more and to be in the state of flow. I’ve said that my life - since I’ve been very attentive and aware of how much the universe works for us - of just trusting that flow. I call it en Fuego where it just catches on fire. This happens and then it opens another door that had never had even been something that I could conceptualize in my tiny human mind. Trusting the unknown to unfold. This whole path with Goddess Institute. Had you asked me a year ago if this is where I would be in my life. That would have never been a spec of what the possibility was. There are so many unknowns with what magic can be created with goddess institute that I am so excited and passionate to understand more of. Personally, just starting this new relationship with my partner in awesome. It was so unknown to me previously about how that aspect would work in my life, and it was one of my big goals when I was mentalizing things to call in…that life partner, or whatever we want to call it. I’ve never known something so much as I know this aspect of just totally trusting. I have no idea how it’s going to look in that iteration. So that’s a big unknown for me because it’s so new. Just totally surrendering in this way is completely beautiful and having trust in whatever outcome that would be.

Like a true Woman, Mother and Birther, in a strange way, Paula birthed + mothered me into the Woman that I am today, She provided just enough wisdom, trust and a push forward (without helicoptering, micro-managing or reeling me back in for a check-in) to set the stage for my personal and professional rebirth. First came this powerful podcast conversation. Then came my experience of her New Moon Circle at WMN SPACE in Los Angeles. Both left impactful changes in my ways of thinking, moving and BEing. What she does well — perhaps better than most — is seed and then watch the world (or person) grow. If we’re to use labels, Paula is a Mother, a Wife, a Doula, a Spiritual Counselor, a Facilitator of Women Circles and the Founder of WMN SPACE. More than that and labels aside she is a perpetual seeker, learner, observer, gatherer, and teacher moving through this world so gracefully that even the most clumsy passerby eases into a more ethereal way of movement once in her presence. When I met Paula in person, I waited until the Women’s Circle she was hosting had completed. I wanted to see her for her and I wanted her to see me for me, and not as a guest of Paula Mallis because I had recorded a podcast with her. That was, in hindsight, my own personal insecurity. A full year later, I can see that the definition of “hashtag goals” is the unperturbed spirit and aura that is Paula Mallis. She doesn’t see labels, or conditions, or flesh…she sees Souls. When speaking to her Paula’s eyes locked with mine. She peered within me, seeing through me, into me. She has the ability to disarm whomever’s in front of her immediately providing a sense of a safe space through her kindness and unconditional love. She is one of a kind. A treasure. In this conversation you’ll hear Paula speak bravely and openly on a myriad of topics stemming from feminism, to women as birthers, to acting as a Doula, to her intentions with WMN SPACE, to self-love and self-care, to sex and pregnancy education, to miscarriage and difficult pregnancies, to men meeting us half way, and filling up our own cup. It’s an episode that needs to be listened to over, and over, and over again. It’s an education for ALL women. I, for one, will have this on once a month from here on out as a reminder for the Woman that I know I can. That is the Power of Paula — she empowers every single Being.

Many of you send me dm's, emails + texts asking in depth questions about IN THE UNKNOWN and most of the things that I write about on my blog and instagram. I am always happy to answer, however, sometimes it becomes overwhelming because I simply do not have enough time to get to everyone. So, what I've decided to do is to add to my pod a series called 'A' where I do just that: answer your questions. For the first episode I fill you in on why I've changed the name of my business into IN THE UNKNOWN, I give you an insider's look into what happens IN THE UNKNOWN and why people continuously choose to show up for both the Workshops and the 1o1's. I also talk a lot about why it's important for us to choose to be IN THE UNKNOWN, what's to be gained in STAYING IN THE DISCOMFORT, and why we should TRUST THE PROCESS. At the end of this episode (and future ones) I'll always leave you with a small tidbit and/or pick me up. Take a listen. Share. And let me know what you think!

First and foremost, Tim is a friend. I'll be honest - as I usually am - I was skeptical at first. Of the religion part of him. Of the Church part of him. Of him acting as a Pastor. Especially in the way people gravitated towards him. In my opinion, and in the experience that I've had growing up as a daughter of a famous man, I know that fame can make or break a person. It takes A LOT of discipline, self-evaluation, and honesty for someone to remain in the space of humility, especially when one is in service to others. It is so easy for the person to become bigger than the purpose, which is why I decided to attend one of his services. I wanted to form a clear un-biased opinion of the man standing in front of me. I was raised Russian Orthodox, so the way in which I viewed and experienced religion is different than what I felt at Woodside. I did not connect with the entirety of the experience, however, as soon as Tim stepped onto the stage and began speaking, I felt a sense of desire to connect to his words and his message. It was all very relatable. God didn't seem like a distant idea, someone to fear as I tried to navigate my space in this world. Instead, Tim made Him feel like Me, and I like Him. I thought, well if God is just like me, then so is Tim. He too has flaws, fears, insecurities. He too struggles with the human condition. He too suffers just like me.  I saw people nodding. Heard them audibly agreeing. People's shoulders relaxed. Their phones put away. Their bodies still as they listened. It's a skill - I know in doing my workshops - to capture the attention of a room and to impart a meaningful lesson in a short period of time. It's even more of a skill to step off of a stage and to continue giving when you're already spent. I waited by the outskirts of the Church. I wanted to give my thanks. Tell him that he's nudged me in a different direction. It took some time for me to reach him. Swaths of people wanted to shake his hand, speak with him, hug him, relay their lessons-learned and/or remaining fears. Finally, Tim walked up to me. How'd I do? This struck me. How should I know? Great! In my opinion. For someone who's a non-believer...I had a moment where I started to believe. You were wonderful, Tim. Totally and truly relatable and of this Earth. Not some Godly being standing on a pedestal preaching. He difficultly took the compliment and changed the subject to me. That is when I realized that inside there is a person. Someone who is seeking like me. Struggling to make sense of the World. Bravely showing up to do the work even though there is much he doesn't know. That is Tim Holdridge. From there we struck up a friendship. The kind where we can sit and talk openly about anything. He is not there to act as a pastor. I am not there to act as a guide. We simply listen and hear and speak because we care. About our well-being, about our path, about our friendship. Labels aside, we are two souls who aid in the paths that have been laid out in front of us.  As you'll here in this conversation, I am openly and honestly challenging Tim on some of the most difficult questions surrounding the meaning of Religion and Church. He speaks about his own ways of leading, being, believing. He tells us about his personal battles with anxiety and depression. He emphasizes the power of community and the ways in which Love trumps Fear. Mostly he speaks about being a Human. Just a regular guy, doing a regular job, going through regular ups and downs of being Human. That's the greatest part about Tim. He is, just like, you and me. All labels aside.

I pride myself in having a good judge of character. I can suss out someone's authenticity and genuine, sincere nature immediately, and ulterior motives even quicker. It's part of the fight-or-flight nature Eric talks about in the podcast. Some of us have it fine-tuned better than others. The latter isn't an excuse to let the mishaps slide. At the end of the day, we're all a product of our imagination. What we think and believe, becomes. I didn't know Eric's mindset and way of thinking when we first met, but I could sense a genuine care for humanity. That was enough to spark a friendship which eventually led to us sitting down to record this conversation. He is (best-known) as the son of Hockey Legend and Mr. Islander, Bob Nystrom. I, too, share this honor. Being seen, first, for our last name prior to us developing as individuals. “Of course being the son of a former Islander and Stanley Cup Champion, I lived it my whole life. I was stuck with that sigma. People are gonna say I made it because of my last name but what NHL manager is gonna draft a player just because of a last name when they’re trying to win a Stanley Cup? You know what I mean? It’s just one of those stupid things I had to face. The, ”he’s doing this because of his dad, Bob.“ People who think that, they’re just ignorant. They want to make an excuse because people don't like seeing others being successful. That’s the type of world we live in. And it’s sad.” The difference between Eric and I is that he didn't let that define him. He wore his last name with pride and continued his life in stride, laser-focusing on his own love for the game of hockey, playing because he loved it not because of his pursuit to reach a particular destination. “I was totally committed to the game.  And I think that was a big reason why I ended up making it and it was because I dialed in on it. I wanted it so bad. And it wasn’t that I set the goal— hey I need to play in the NHL. I just loved the game so much that I worked hard and that opened doors. I just wanted to win, I wanted to play. And I played with passion.“ What I find particularly refreshing about Eric is that he's not your typical a-list athlete. He knows his skills and lack thereof, and he focuses on being a "team" guy versus an individual with individual goals. It's why when one asks former teammates and media members about the kind of guy Eric was in the locker-room, they come back with a "a locker-room guy. The glue. The one who makes it about the whole experience versus an individual pursuit." “I think that’s why the reporters did come over and want to talk to me.  It’s because I was actually going to tell you something outside the box a little bit - never say something stupid - but I’m going to give you an honest answer. I think that’s one of the reasons why I stuck around in the league for as long as i did - to be in the locker room and lighten the mood, and mentor young guys and give advice. You know, be a teammate in that way. I think that was definitely part of my package. Definitely when I was being shopped around as a player and trying to find the right fit. I took pride in that. I Always took pride in being a good teammate and speaking my mind.” Now, as a retired player, not much of his optimism or his truths have changed. He's still the same guy except he's now pursuing a different life, one that allows him to scratch his curiosity which was often stifled while in the world of hockey. “On game days it’s a physical beating. Schedule’s demanding - you play a lot games but man, we spend a lot of downtime on the plane. We could have read some books a little more. Lessened the card games or tv series and actually informed or educated ourselves. I never did anything until I was thrust into school and I had to. On non-game days, you practice at 10:30, end at 1:00 . You’ve got a lot of time left. Of course tons of guys had families. I never had a kid or anything like that when I was playing so that’s a little different. I just wish there was a little more education and awareness for sure. I wish I could say I was like the poster child for that but I was right in the mix of everybody else. When you’re making that much money and you see those paychecks coming in, you think you’re on top of the world.” He's now using his lessons-learned to advise others in the game and openly talking about gender roles, masculinity, and locker-room talk. “You can imagine what’s being talked about in the locker room or when you put 20 or 30 hockey players onto a plane. We’re always around each other. You definitely get stuck in a little bit of a box. It’s good to have outside interests. Just for your own sanity. I just keep saying there’s so much out there! You don't want to be the oddball that everybody's kind of making fun of, but at the same time why are guys being made fun of for being themselves and for trying to better themselves as a person.” It's inspiring. Ice-breaking (pun intended) as it's extremely RARE to hear a professional athlete, especially an NHL'er talk so candidly and openly about the importance of Vulnerability. “If you’ve never experienced [vulnerability] I don’t think you’re human. We’ve all been vulnerable at times and feel that at our lowest. I think the one thing that does affect men - if we’re going to connect the two - is how scared they are to show it. .And I’m a victim here. Looking at it. I’m guilty. I’ve been like that. I’ve thought, you’re not supposed to show that because you’re a man. Men aren’t supposed to be vulnerable. But you’re lying to yourself if you’ve never felt vulnerable.” There's a lot here. A lot to learn from. A lot to listen to. A lot to soak in. I walked away feeling inspired and excited to share this with a group of Men who desperately need some guidance. If that's too much pressure to put on Eric, I'll take the brunt of it. Whether he recognizes it or not, he's facilitating a space for conversation, for truth-talk. Hockey world. Sports world. You paying attention?

Can I use a great Star Wars quote i love ? ‘The stronger you tighten your grip, the more star systems slip through your fingers.’ I love that. The more you try and control, the less you control.  That’s an analogy I try to come back to and I have to remind myself of all the time.

Kacee is the Founder of Citizen Yoga. She is an entrepreneur. A business woman. A Yoga Teacher. A student of Philosophy. Those are some of her labels. She's also been labeled skinny, intimidating, honest, and sensitive (too sensitive). However, like most of the people on the TELL YOUR STORY Pod, she is not defined by labels. “There are very few labels that I overly identify with. I try to decide to be more than a label and to live my life in some ways more measured but also less reactive to what people place on me, and more proactive to who I want to be.” In the suburbs of Detroit where Kacee and I grew up the community is small. Wo when someone amongst our peers makes a large impact, their name becomes household. Kacee is just that. Because she's built and is continuing building a successful business, but also because in the way she conducts her business, herself, and her interactions with anyone who comes in her door.  “Say Hello. The courage to look at somebody and say hello, to me, is so gratifying. Why. Can’t we do that more?” Say Hello is a recent mantra for CY. It was created by the community but it stems from Kacee. In some ways, I assume that she would have benefited from the phrase during her darkest days. During her years at Northwestern, she suffered from depression. She later lost her sister to suicide. Afterwards, she embarked on a journey to India. “I think I was running from my sister’s death and the loss of my family dynamic. I didn’t feel connected to anything so I was sort looking for the answer to why I was suffering. That would be a reason I left.” Friends were flabbergasted by her desire to leave. But she felt she needed to find something. However, upon return, it felt like her void had not been filled.  “I think in my head I had a promise of deep transformation and actually it didn’t happen when I moved back home. That was sort of a bummer.  Kacee speaks openly about her suicidal thoughts, in fact, she speaks openly about the entirety of her story. Like me, she believes there are valuable lessons to be learned in our suffering which allow us the opportunity to share with and teach others.  I’ve had my own suicidal thoughts. Those are definitely apart of my story. Especially after college I had some serious suicidal thoughts. After I moved home from India, as well. I think that’s important for people to know. Because I don’t have that anymore. Truthfully. When you do the right work for an extended period of time. There’s no quick fix. Philosophy is not a quick fix. It takes time for it to sink in but we have to be patient enough to allow for all of those changes to occur.” Although she claims that she is still a work in progress and there is much for her to learn, in my eyes, she is a more or less, complete person. Someone who is individually whole, grounded, still, at peace, and in wonderment of the world. From here arrive incredible pearls of wisdom, ones that if Oprah got her hands on, she'd shout "tweetable moment!" “You can’t take a spiritual journey or a professional journey to get to the end of something. Cuz the end is the end. And then you’ve missed all the good parts. It’s a combination of looking forward to and having an ideal of but also learning how to extract what already exists. Like, what’s important about what already exists. It’s such a good balance.” I'll let you listen. So beyond grateful for this amazing conversation. Thank you, Kacee.

Declan's an interesting character. In that, he's an actor, so by default he's a character. He can switch in and out of accents. He plays different roles. Different careers. Different, well, characters. “Growing up I always loved movies - loved movies. I saw them as an escape, probably because when I went to the cinema and I was watching a movie, your mind shuts off for two hours and you’re not thinking about anything else and I used to see it as an escape. I used to watch the movies and think, I could do that! I could act like that. I could be that character.” When I first met him, I assumed him to be a budding producer. After all, he came into the VICE offices to pitch something to our team. In my haste to be prepared for the meeting, I googled the guy. Actor. Football player. Scottish. Producer? I don't get it. Which one am I dealing with right now. That was me, then. Fearful of The Unknown. Wanting to set myself up for success. Playing my cards right.  Last summer, as I was freshly embarking on my Recovery, Declan's instagram profile popped up. Mental Health Advocate. Hmph, I thought. Was that always written there? Or had I not paid much attention to it. Selective Learning. We miss a lot when we're trying to predict the situation and its' outcome.  I reached out. We talked on the phone. He told me his story, similar to the one you'll hear on this podcast. Raw, Transparent, Honest, Vulnerable. All the things I was striving towards. It's funny, right? How much choice we have in what we see? It was there all along, that Declan character, but I didn't want to see it. Perhaps, couldn't. But I could see him now. Clearly. We set a date and in the summer of 2017 we recorded this pod. I edited it a few weeks back, the content even more relevant than before. Now, with 25 Workshops in my belt, I have spent enough time with Men to fully understand the gems Declan was throwing my way. Like this "The conversation needs to be opened up to things like mental health. To things like addiction. Because nowadays, especially with social media, the rates of depression, bi-polar disorder, of any of these inner turmoil conditions that people are facing are going up dramatically." And this “Things like social media - no one puts the truth to what’s going on. It’s a highlight reel of their life, of their very best moments of every day, or every week, or every month. People then start to compare their insides to other people’s outsides and I think that’s a very dangerous place to be.” And this “My friend might call me and say, ‘hey how are you doing’ and you tell the truth, you go, ‘you know what man I’m actually having a really shitty day’ and that person on the phone goes ‘fuck so am I’, and you talk about it together on a real level. Then suddenly you get on a level where you’re a lot more comfortable talking about it with everyone.” There's plenty more. His life trajectory is quite fascinating, filled with characters, roles, changes, ups + downs, and most importantly, failures. “Not being excellent in everything that you do is okay. Nobody’s excellent at everything. Nobody’s great at everything. And constant failure is the key to success.” I'll let him take it from here.

It's the very exact flaw Maddie carries which made me feel seen when I needed it most. "Too open with people at first. Be careful with who you let in." It's that, right there, which saved me. I had just moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I was in 7th grade. I knew no one in the state. No one in the town. No one at my new Catholic School. I was just starting my transition into becoming a woman and fresh off of a year of home-schooling. I was nerd-central. Not in the cute way. In the socially debilitating way. I did not fit in. And I didn't know how to find my place in this new space. In comes Maddie. Smiling. Kind. Taking me straight under her wing. Open. I never forgot that.  I saw her a few times thereafter. Majority of what I knew about her was cultivated through the narrative of social media. I knew she became a brand maven of sorts. Super photographer, in-house graphic designer, blogger for Urban Outfitters, Antrhopologie + Free People. Then there was sewing, and sewing kits, and teaching. Then I found Madalynne Intimates. “At my core I’m a problem solver. People are always like how are you so creative? How do you get so much work done in the day? I’m a problem solver. So whether it is sewing. Whether it’s photography, graphic design, whatever you throw at me, that’s what I’m made out to do. You give me a problem. I want to solve it. I’m a creative problem solver.” Maddie is killing it, I thought. Really. I was so impressed. I did not, however, remember an artistic side when we were kids. That's when I read about her Mother's breast cancer. “I remember saying to myself she’s probably not going to be alive in a year. At the moment I just couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without my mom. It’s just like how would I live without my right arm? You know? At the age of 12 my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. We didn’t talk about it much when I was a teenager but I think it was still subconsciously there. When I was 17 her spine collapsed and she passed away two weeks before my senior prom of high school. ” How does one move through grief and make it to the other side? “My motto in life is that I just keep going. I just keep going. My Mom died but okay, it’s a new day. The world doesn’t stop for you. And no offense, I don’t mean to sound pessimistic but the world really doesn’t care about you. We’re so wrapped up in our own lives. You just keep going. You just put one foot in front of the other because those days are limited. The more that you grieve and stop living, you’re wasting time and nobody - nobody - can give you time. Nobody.” After her Mother's passing she found her old sewing machine. And then she found Mishka (you'll hear a lot about her) and that was that. To say the least, Maddie is pragmatic. She has no time for bullshit, negativity, or wasteful energy. She clears house, making way for positivity and light. “Anybody who doesn’t bring me up and support me. If this is a parasitic relationship rather than a symbiotic. It’s funny. I just won’t respond to your texts. I just won’t answer your calls. I will literally remove you from my life." She has many life hacks of the sort. We talk about mastering failure and rejection. “I think one of my biggest strengths is that I really don’t care if I fail. I just don’t. I fail 90% of the time. It’s just the 10% I succeed gets recognized. Failure, to me, is a learning opportunity. So if you fail - what happens? You try again or you try something different.” About adhering to a schedule which allows for meditation and decluttering the mind. And most importantly, how to STEP INTO THE FEAR - like, FULLY embrace it. Hug it. Love it. And to know that you'll come out okay. “I get paralyzed when I feel like I have no options or when I don’t have control. But there are always options. If Madalynne doesn’t work out what do you do? You go get a job. Okay. So I have a plan B. Just knowing that I felt like I gained control back and I didn’t feel paralyzed about uncertainty.” You get the drift. Like I said- Maddie has no time for bullshit. And this podcast is for people who are looking to make a change in their life. "You decide," as she puts it. So listen up and learn, and then start Living!

How do I say this? Julie is not your typical girl. Or maybe she is. I'm not sure. But there is certainly a perceived perception of her, and then there's the Truth. The real Julie. The one who's willing to show up as herself with flaws, mistakes, and lessons-learned without recoiling back into the safety of her on-air personality. She's learned things the hard way, the difficult way, and in a very public way - remember "the Gronk lap dance incident"? “When it first came it out it was like, wow that was pretty edgy and crazy. And then It was women coming after me in droves. Saying that I had essentially ruined journalism for women. Feminism. That I was disgraceful. And it was really difficult to read.” Although there were difficulties, she's come out of it victorious in that she's learned a lot about herself. And now? Well now she knows who she is and because of that, she is unapologetically herself. That is why I'm attracted to her story, to her work, and to her truth. That is why this conversation happened. And that is the lesson here. Never judge a book by it's cover. There are always two sides to a story - if not three. “Some people came to me and said, why wouldn’t you when Gronk said ‘oh give you a lap dance’, say no? I said, say no?! Are you kidding me? I would have been fired in that commercial break. In that idea that you can’t handle that I guess. That sensitivity or having a boundary is a negative.” Women have been pinned against one another for far too long, and we've stayed silenced out of fear of losing our jobs. The more we compete, the less we accomplish. And it's time that we all do a better job of listening, and looking into facts and personal stories, before we cast judgement for what is perceived. “Regardless of how you felt, it was an entire gender that came after me. Not one single person even reached out to me. No one called. No one messaged. No one nothing before writing articles before jumping to conclusions about the type of person that I was or the type of goals I had. To even know that there was so much behind the scenes.” Even when that judgement is seemingly rightful, it's almost always better to practice compassion, kindness and empathy first. At least in the book of Alyonka. Julie and I recorded this podcast in the Barstool studios in NYC. Barstool is her new home. Controversial, yes, as they're known for their bro-tastic culture of sports, booze, women, and sex. Their CEO? A woman. Although the office is filled with men, Julie is adamant about Barstool's environment being one which encourages and supports women.  “So the irony of the situation is that although people might see a place like Barstool, because it is predominately dudes, as being a frat, as being all these stereotypes that we see…ironically, it’s the FOX Sports 1’s and the ESPN's that almost put women in a smaller role. Here [barstool] they’re saying: do whatever you want. Be a big personality. Have a platform. Whereas, if I tried to do those things [at ESPN] they would say, 'no, you can be the sideline reporter. You can be the host that gets to ask Skip Bayless and Shannon Sharpe a question and then you lay out for five minutes.' You don’t have the opinion in that show.” As a former employee, it's a bold statement. But it's an important one and something that isn't getting enough attention. It's statements like these that will create cultural shifts and changes. Silence kills. Silence continues unjust behavior and societal norms. Julie is fighting that by speaking out.  “When you walk by guys warming up behind the scenes and they all stop and whistle and slam their sticks on the ground - is that harassment? Yeah. That is harassment if you don’t feel comfortable walking by athletes you’re going to cover because they’re going to whistle at you. That’s not appropriate. But some people would say, well that’s just how they are. That’s just part of the job.” There's fun in this conversation too. It's not all about #metoo and #timesup and being Feminist AF. We talk about Julie's upbringing, the relationship with her family, her parents' divorce and its' effects on her dating life. “I’m starting to think more about it [the divorce] now as I try to have relationships with men. I haven’t really dated a whole lot of guys. Why do I have a hard time getting close to people? I’m starting to realize that I think it’s because of that. Probably slightly abandonment issues.”  She has deal-breakers. She's also fiercely independent. Career focused to a fault. I found myself in a lot of her story. And that's why this conversation is important. Because, at least for me, if I hadn't gone through all the changes I've made in the past year, this would have never happened. I would have remained in my competitive, distant self, unable to see Julie as a fellow human, a fellow Woman, and a fellow being. I would have seen her as my competition. That saddens me. However, it also fills my heart with warmth because it's proof that ALL OF US WOMEN have the capability of loving each other and fighting for one another, and creating supportive communities where we can thrive and grow.  So, thank you Julie. You might not know this but I'm a fan of you on and off air. And I think we need more Women like you. I stand beside you, trusting your story and your truth. Keep doing you.

Sometimes, life brings in people when you least expect them and they become the exact person that you need most. That is Leah V for me. We met at a diner in Detroit. Rose's Fine Food. I grabbed us a table. It was in the early stages of my Recovery from my Eating Disorder and so I sat nervously glancing through the decadence that was the menu. Pancakes. Bacon. Eggs. All of it looked good. None of it I could have. Yogurt, I thought. I'll just do yogurt. Leah came shortly thereafter. "Thanks for checking on the bathroom situation. I have IBS, you know. I've always got to make sure an establishment has a bathroom in the case I need it." Interesting, I thought. She doesn't know me and yet here we are talking about what I would consider a very intimate subject. "You're welcome." Leah grabs the menu. She takes a gander. The waitress approaches, "what'll it be?" "Yogurt for me! Leah?" "I'll have the pancakes, eggs (not too runny, not too dry), bacon." She looks at me, "I'm hungry." My stomach dropped. I probably am too. The waitress leaves us. "I wish I could do that. That is my dream meal." "You'll get there." And we switch topics into what turns into a two-hour conversation. You'll get there. That subtle, yet strong phrase has stuck with me since. I, like Leah, can overcome anything as long as I put my mind to it.  Flash forward 7 months later, Leah and I find ourselves in the Podcast Room of the Detroit Foundation Hotel, looking into each other's eyes, as we dissect her Story. “I never felt like I belong. I remember being very young and feeling like, do I belong here? What is my place on this earth? Why am I here?” Me too.  “Being dependent on other people is a no-go. And don’t trust people. People are out to get you. I had that mentality growing up really hard because I didn’t know any other way. That’s what I was taught. That’s what I saw my mom doing. She didn’t ask for help. She’d rather struggle than ask for help.  But within that struggle that we put ourselves through we’re destroying ourselves. I didn’t know that so I took on the same thing - like, you needed help? you don’t say anything - You just suffer silently.” Me too. “Right now my Truth would be to dive into The Unknown even though you’re, like, super knees buckling, like, I wanna throw up type of fear. Do it anyway. I tell my platform that a lot and I tell my close friends, do it anyway even though you’re scared. Because the things in my life that I have been totally fearful of have been the best decisions I’ve made in my life.” Me too. That's the Truth of Leah. All labels tossed onto her - MUSLIM, FEMINIST, BLACK, WOMAN, FAT - she lets fall by the wayside. These WORDS do not define her anymore. Now, she challenges these labels, proving that every human being is allowed to be exactly who they are. This didn't come over night. After a bad divorce, Leah hit her lowest of lows.  “I was not eating. I couldn’t sleep. I had, not thoughts of suicide, but thoughts of like, why am I here? What’s the point? No one’s connecting. I don’t connect with them. I have no value. So why am I taking up space on this planet? And I’m going to admit myself to the psychiatric ward. It’s the worst feeling you could ever have to be at the lowest of low. Where you’ve lost everything. Where you don’t see anything good for yourself for the future. You don’t even see the future. It doesn’t exist.” Reaching out for help, Leah called the Muslim Family Services, where a Somali woman picked up the phone and pulled her out of herself. She saw Life once more. Hope. That is the Power of acknowledging others' stories, truths, flaws, pains, and traumas. Now, she uses her story, her voice, to shine light on issues that are not nearly talked about as much as they should be. She provides a voice for the unheard. She lends an ear to those who need it most. She bares her soul because within there is the Power of Healing. That is the significance of Leah stating those very simple words to me, "you'll get there." She, unlike me, believe in me. She, unlike most, believes in you. I am humbled and honored to call this gem of a human my friend. Thanks for sharing your Story with me and my listeners.

Our conversation begins a couple years back during an intimate dinner of friends (his, not mine) where we found ourselves sitting together, discussing his future and what it would look like. Nearing his 30's, for a person watching from afar, it seemed to me that Jesse, like his group of friends, had it all. In his early 20's he started a record label. On the side, a tech venture studio named Cantora. Then a group called The Cyclones - nothing to do with music - it was a cool kids bike club. Then a burger club. Yes, a club for men to gather round great burgers and to engage in conversation. I suppose, from afar, one should have been easily able to label Jesse as a gatherer. A social animal. A leader of sort, who found pleasure and purpose in bringing people together for meaningful experiences. During that dinner - i'll blame the glass of wine - I was unable to envision his future and next steps. Jesse, however, didn't need to know. He trusted the Process. I wasn't yet ready to understand the meaning behind that powerful statement. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do next. All I knew is what I didn’t want to do anymore. I really just had two forms to my compass. One was, I know what I don’t want to do. And the other was, what feels right in my gut and my heart. I had a period in my life where my friends were really building dynamic careers for themselves. Buying second homes. Starting families. And in many ways I felt just like I was naked and jumping into the abyss.” So he jumped. First creating Medi Club - a meditation workshop for all types and levels of meditators - which then evolved into The Big Quiet, a MAJOR production and event, consisting of a MASS meditation held in incredible spaces around NYC. Jesse, of course, credits this new chapter in his life to, you guessed it, his meditation practice. “My meditation practice really allowed me to listen to and act on  that thing that said: it’s time for the next. It wasn’t a person. It didn’t come from someone else. It was this thing right inside of me that I was able to hear and listen to and honor.” There has been much written about Medi Club and The Big Quiet, so I focused instead on Jesse the Human. We spoke about the significance his Grandfather "Pa" had on his life, in particular, the words he said to him before he passed, "here I am in my final years and my regret is that I wish I had pursued my dreams more." Jesse took it to heart: "When I was thinking of leaving my company, Pa’s words really resonated deeply. I was able to tell him the last time we talked, just the day before he died, that because of his words I had made change in my life and in my career.” We speak about masculinity and his evolving definition and his incredible attention to detail as it pertains to the definition, which has allowed him to step into leadership roles, guiding Men in the very same conversation he was seeking. “When you have the space to talk, when you have a circle to talk about  what you’re challenged by or what’s coming up for you, or how you don’t feel like you’re enough in certain ways and you realize that other men go through it as well, it starts to melt. That (anxious) feeling starts to dissipate when you realize others go through it with you." Of course, Jesse is human. Like all of us, he still carries self-doubt, and questions his path at times. But that's where the magic happens. For in those spaces, we are given the opportunity to practice kindness, to cultivate awareness, and to step back into ourselves. "Being gentle with myself because I think that it’s really easy for me to go to a place of feeling like I need to be crystal clear about my purpose. More times than not, I’m challenged by the process and wanting to know what’s around the next bend, and how I’m going to get around the next bend. I’m wanting to control elements of where I’m going and how I’m getting there. When that happens it’s unenjoyable. Life starts to become less colorful when I’m in a place where I’m so focused on arriving, that I’m not able to appreciate the process of moving and growing and evolving, like we always are, at every moment.” Now that's Vulnerability. I'll stop yapping and suggest you simply Listen. There's a lot here. Too many quotable moments to mention. And as I mentioned in the intro of this episode, listening back to this conversation happened at the very moment I needed it most. Trust the Process, Alyonka. Okay, I will. This will help you do the same.

As of late, Tara Lipinski has been making the rounds talking about her incredible Olympic Gold Medal Winning moment on pretty much every national television morning show possible. The reason? She's heading to South Korea for the 2018 Winter Olympic Games as a host for NBC. This is Tara 2.0. Or, maybe it's 3.0. Could be 4.0. Point is: this woman is never one to shy away from a momentous opportunity to start a new chapter in her life. Wildly aware of when to step away from something which no longer serves, unlike most, Tara sprints into the Unknown, ready to conquer any road she finds herself on. “It’s been 20 years. I almost feel like I’ve lived a second life. I’m glad I sort of accomplished all my goals at such a young age that it forced me to shed my skin and start a new life." Of course we know her as the young faced beauty who scored Gold 20 years ago...in fact, I start this interview speaking about that moment, fresh on my mind, as I watched her win on YouTube - a moment I hadn't seen since the day it happened live. Goosebumps is all I can say for two reasons. 1. The confidence, poise, and strength she carried at such a young age. 2. How had I not brought this up with her before!? We met when Tara was still living in NYC. She, like I, was single and dating. We met for dinner and drinks, talking about everything but skating; relationships, men, women, vulnerability, strength. I had been bewildered then that she was nicknamed Tara the Picky.  “I landed the nickname picky. If you know yourself as a woman you kind of know your boundaries and what you want and what kind of life is going to make you happy and by 30 years old, I knew what I wanted in a guy. And I wasn’t gong to settle." This attitude then is still the reason now that I love speaking with this Woman. She is unapologetically herself, she knows what she wants, and she'll make it happen, one way or another, whether that's in her professional or personal life.  We speak about her figure skating career, of her working for and winning an Olympic Gold Medal, and touring as a professional skater.. “I did miss out on all these milestones that most people get to experience. But I had this obsessive drive to be at the rink every day. It’s all I needed. I had a relationship with skating. I was in a full-time relationship with skating. It was a love-hate relationship but it was something that I wanted to do and wanted to pursue so badly.” But then, more interestingly, we move through the transition of Tara the Girl into Tara the Woman... “I realized, oh my god, I’m so behind in real life. It was hard. I was so completely lost. Finally my Mom called me and she was like, Tara, you cannot go to the rink anymore. That’s over. Figure out your life. You’re smart. You’re outgoing. Go out there and experience it.” Experiencing life for the very first, especially when she made a choice to move to New York. "It was so nice to be like screw it! I want to make friends and I want to go out and I’m gong to date a lot and I just don’t care. It was this very freeing, fun couple of years for me.” And then there's her recent marriage to Todd Kapostasy. I'll let you listen to how things evolved with them. Hint: trust the process and lose the butterflies. This truly is two girlfriends having a conversation about life and what it means to be a modern woman in today's society. Thank you Tara for sharing your Story, your Truths, and your Flaws. You're imperfectly perfect just the way you are!

How to describe The Angry Therapist? If you're wondering...he's not angry. At least not anymore. When he started his tumblr blog, it was a time in his life where post-divorce left him grappling with all the things he no longer knew, understood, or could control. Who am I as a man? And what am I feeling? Instead of stuffing it down. He began blogging. He called it, My Fucking Feelings. “I think the happy therapist is less interesting because there’s something false about that, you know?” So who is he? Is he a real therapist? He's angry and he swears and he rides motorcycles! But also loves poetry. And he believes dating is dead? “Dating is dead. Dating is difficult. No one likes dating. It’s a bad experience and I think it’s because of swipe culture.” Okay. So, he speaks his mind. His Truth. Seemingly, John Kim has an opinion for and on everything. After all, as a licensed therapist and a life coach, he's seen it all. I came across Angry because of his article on Dating. And yeah, that it's dead. That's when I reached out (and wrote my own annotated version of his ideas) to see if we could speak about this on the pod. There are many ways we could have taken this conversation but in light of the major concerns and worries I keep hearing from the men and women I encounter, Dating seems like a hot topic.  Why do we find ourselves in a world with so many great single people, looking for meaningful relationships, and yet, they are unable to meet "the one"? “Today dating is so casual. They’re just meetings. Uber there. We’re not going to do dinner but we’ll do a drink because if you’re not who I think you are or you don’t look the way I think you’re going to look or the way you presented yourself, I don’t want to spend an hour with you. So it’s a quick meeting. It’s a coffee. You’re going to enter probably more disappointed than pleasantly surprised.” So, in some shape or form, it's US. The classic, it's not you, it's me. But what do we do with that? How do we change? Or do we? Do we need to go deeper? What is the solution, Angry? “Now we have a lot of people who are afraid. Who have been hurt (via rejection) and who are not showing themselves but want love and want to be in a relationship. So we just have people bouncing off of each other instead of really connecting. " Looks like we have to do the WORK. Going within. Redefining the social norms, external and internal expectations, and really identifying our non-negotiable(s). How? John Kim answers this and much more in this incredibly important conversation on a subject too many of us are getting wrong, and suffering from it. There's no shame in desiring a meaningful relationship. In fact, it's encouraged. You've just got to make some choices. “I think it’s time for all men to redefine what masculinity and a real men look like, and it’s time for all women to set a new standard.” I'm ready. Are you?

IF YOU LIVE IN CANADA, CHANCES ARE YOU'VE HEARD OF ANDI PETRILLO.  To save you a full bio, she's worked as a host and a reporter for Leafs TV covering the Toronto Maple Leafs and Toronto Marlies, after which she moved to a coveted position over at CBC to host the iDesk portion of Hockey Night in Canada, becoming the first female to serve on a full-time basis with the HNIC studio team. She's anchored CBC's coverage of the 2014 Winter Olympics and the 2014 FIFA World Cup, and will continue to act as one of their hosts for the 2018 Winter Olympics.. She's worked for the NHL Network, and most recently, Andi became the new radio voice for Leafs Lunch on TSN 1050, becoming the first-ever woman in Canada to have her own daily sports talk radio show. Suffice it to say, Andi is a leader. She's paved the way for many women in sports broadcasting continuously breaking the glass ceiling and taking it one step further by making it a point to help others along the way. “I have a saying: would you rather be a lone token or would you rather be part of a treasure chest full of gold. And I always remind myself of that because to be surrounded by strong and powerful women I think is such a beautiful thing.” I first heard of Andi when I auditioned for a gig with CBC. Andi got the job. I didn't. In full transparency, I was majorly upset and started questioning myself: 'what did she have that I didn't'. I've monitored her career from afar, watching her gradual rise. It all seemed easy. Andi took one step in front of the other. No hiccups. No hesitations. Why wasn't it as smooth for me, I thought.  This year, when I published my essay on my Anorexia Nervosa, Andi was one of the first to retweet in support. I was shocked. She knows me? Likes me? Supports me? I immediately reached out and asked if she'd come on as a guest of my podcast. Within minutes she agreed. I wasn't sure what to expect at the start of our conversation but Andi could NOT be more kind, humble, and Confident. She's a fighter. A gentle warrior. She stands up for herself and for others. THAT is rare in our industry where you'd sooner find a woman compete with another woman rather than support. Andi SHARES. She speaks her truth. She goes in deep telling stories from her uphill battle. We speak about fraternizing with players. “People that I thought were my friends I find out that there was a bet going on that I would be caught sleeping with a player by all-star break. I remember going home that night and just balling my eyes out.” Why she's full Woman and not one of the boys. “If I love sports then it’s said ‘she’s one of the guys’. Well no I’m not. I’m a woman. I’m not one of the guys.” The many pep talks she's received from bosses on behavior and appearance. “I did a feature with this one athlete in particular and someone who was overseeing it said ‘great job. We need to do more of these. That’s fantastic’. And then he looked at me and was like, have you ever thought about doing a feature with a player in a hot tub? And I froze. And I waited for the punchline and it didn’t happen.” Why she believes wholeheartedly in the importance of supporting other women in the industry, making it a point to mentor the new generation. “As a woman working in sports you see yourself as a token - you’ve made it, you’ve been accepted - and sometimes you covet that spot and when another woman comes on board, instead of helping her, you want to push her away because she’s going to take a spot.” There's a lot here. And it's all good. Andi is tweetable. Relatable. Quotable. I released a heavy sigh of relief after speaking with her and thought, hmph...we're not that very different after all...in fact, we're much of the same. I want to support her. I want to be on her side. On her team. That's the power of Andi. She's a team player. And that's why she wins and will keep on winning.

Alicia Malone is an Australian-born, LA-based Film Reporter, Host, Writer and Self-Confessed Movie Geek. She, like me, used movies as a portal to step out of the realities of the world. She, like me, does not understand when someone utters the words, "i don't really watch movies". "For me film really was an escape. so whatever was happening in my life, whether it was a dark time, whether it was a happy time, i thought that i could always trust in film to be able to take me to another world." I began following Alicia many years back. Curious to learn as much as I could about my favorite films, the majority of clips I'd find on YouTube provided 'fluff' stuff where one could see the host interview celebrities and ask them questions about pretty much everything but the film. Then I found Alicia. I could tell that she yearned to ask more. Over time, she did, adhering only minimally to the confinements of a press junket. Watching her you could tell that not only did she have a wealth of knowledge when it comes to film, but that the actors/producers/directors respected her and her genuine curiosity. She's since become a host on FilmStruck, a cinephile subscription streaming service run by the Criterion Collection and Turner Classic Movies, and is the creator and host of the weekly show, Indie Movie Guide on Fandango. Although I was dying to speak with her about some of our favorite films - we did briefly go into our love for Amelie - the reason I wanted to speak with Alicia is because of Tedx Talk on Women in Film, and her recently published first book, 'Backwards and in Heels'. "I've had feedback from both male and female producers: you're not supposed to be a well-rounded human being. You're supposed to be surface level and exist just for someone to look at you and be eye candy." This conversation was recorded prior to the Harvey Weinstein blow-out, but listening back I cringe even more knowing that male AND female producers speak to their hosts (and others) in the way that they do. "I remember one producer took me aside and after I did a big live broadcast -and this was a male producer - and he said, yeah you're really good and you have a lot of talent, if you just lost 10 kilos then you'd be really successful. I've had female producers tell me the exact same thing." The only way things will change is if we have a conversation which is why this podcast episode is SO important. We cover much ground; women in the industry, social media addiction, seeking validation from outside sources, father-daughter relationships, low self-esteem, heartbreak, putting "on" a happy face, building relationships with people in the film industry (the how to's and how not's), and why she feels that she's still the girl with her childhood film club just on a bigger scale. It's Alicia at her most vulnerable and honest and I know her fans wouldn't have it any other way.

Paul Rabil is The world's most recognized lacrosse player, Paul plays for the New York Lizards and Team USA. He's won championships at all levels of competition, including League MVPs, a World MVP, and MLL Championship MVP. That's what it says on his website. I first heard of Paul when an episode of his Podcast, Suiting Up, popped up in my feed. His guest? Venus Williams. I was intrigued considering that neither Venus nor Serena do long-form interviews, especially none which asked either sister to speak about their life and interests outside of tennis. I then listened to his podcast with Jeremy Lin. Then, Drew Brees. I - contrary to popular belief - am not a sports fan. But this, this was different.  I've long been a proponent of athletes telling their stories. The Players' Trib was one of the first formats which provided them a space to do so. However, I hadn't heard of anyone doing long form interviews which were in-depth, at times intimate and sans a franchise's control. This is how I felt about Suiting Up. I went on instagram to see what he was all about. Lacrosse player. Hmm. Most definitely a sport not in my periphery. Most recognized? Even more peculiar. I wanted to know more. I reached out via a mutual friend to see if Paul would be interested in having a conversation about the many topics he discusses on his podcast. Like personal realization and growth. Like empathy. Like vulnerability. Like questioning the definition of masculinity. Like the human condition. All things which are part of my vernacular. He agreed. This conversation was recorded in July 2017. It's since been 5 months and much has changed. As it pertains to my story, at the time of our recording, I was fresh into my Recovery from an Eating Disorder and was not at the level of confidence in my Being as I find myself currently. However, since I am not in the space to judge and am practicing kindness towards myself, it was the best that I could do at the time. Yes, this is my inner-critic coming forward ie; I am judging myself. But this is not about me. It's about Paul and on his behalf, this conversation is an interesting glimpse inside the mind of a person who would typically fall into the category of "manly" man. For Paul fans, it's a different side to the animated and exuberant personality you've all come to know. For those of you who do not know Paul, this conversation is filled with insights on masculinity and it's overstimulation in sports, film and music, the importance of therapy, self-realization and intellectual curiosity, giving back, as well as Paul's insecurities and much more. It's a good one. Thank you Paul for sharing your Story, Truth + Flaws.

Francis Maxwell is a Scottish-born host, actor, writer, and social activist currently residing in the mecca of the entertainment industry, Los Angeles. I first met Francis when he came into the VICE offices to meet with our Sports team. He was (and still is) working as a host for The Young Turks Network and before our meeting commenced, Francis and I got to talking. After years in broadcasting and hosting, I'm well aware of the "on" button personalities in the industry carry, so I was pleased to see that he could enter a room and a conversation, without touching that switch. My takeaway was this guy can speak on more than just sports. He had an opinion on everything. Sure, there may have been things we didn't agree on but he never talked AT me, as many talking heads do. He listened, then calmly said his on personal take. That is why he's gone on to talk about more than just sports, jumping into the political realm absolutely effortlessly. “I WAS A SOCIOLOGY MAJOR IN COLLEGE. I WAS A FOREIGNER. I PLAYED FOOTBALL. I ENJOYED TALKING TO AMERICAN GIRLS. I WAS REALLY CAUGHT UP IN THAT WORLD UNTIL ABOUT MY SENIOR YEAR WHERE I REALLY WAS CONSUMED BY A SOCIOLOGY PROJECT THAT I HAD TO DO THAT LOOKED AT RACE. I STARTED IN MY OWN TIME TO READ THE LIKES OF JAMES BALDWIN and REALLY START TO FIGURE OUT, WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY THE WAY IT IS. WHY IS IT SO DIFFERENT IN CERTAIN TERMS. WHY IS RACISM STILL A PROMINENT THING?” We first saw him intersect sports with politics when NFL player, Colin Kaepernick took a knee during the National Anthem. Of course, this is now a LARGE news story, but at the time, few spoke about the event as passionately and as long as Francis did. “IT REALLY WAS A COLIN KAEPERNICK TAKING A STANCE AGAINST WHAT HE FELT WAS RACIAL INJUSTICE. IT REALLY INSPIRED ME IN A WAY TO THINK OKAY WHY ARE PEOPLE SO UPSET AT THIS and WHY DO I THINK THAT IT’S SUCH AN INSPIRATIONAL THING TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT IN A COUNTRY THAT LOVES PATRIOTISM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. And WHY HE GOT SUCH BACKLASH. THAT MOMENT IN A WAY, STARTED TO REALLY ENCOURAGE ME TO START MAYBE TO SPEAK OUT A LITTLE MORE ON THINGS I FELT.” He then started speaking out on the harsh realities of the African American communities and racism in this country as a whole. He, of course, is not a Trump fan (as we can see from the picture above) but again, he doesn't talk AT you. He states his opinion and allows viewers to choose their own personal stance, even if it comes with backlash. "I DEFINITELY DO FACE A LOT OF BACKLASH. I GET A LOT OF MESSAGES OF SUPPORT FROM PEOPLE SPECIFICALLY IN THE AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY, THEY FEEL LIKE IT’S GOOD TO SEE SOMEONE WHO’S WHITE and SPEAK OUT AGAINST INJUSTICE and REALLY LISTEN TO THE PROBLEMS THAT ARE FACING THEM IN THAT COMMUNITY. BUT IT’S OFTEN USED AS A TERM OF INSULT TO ME, THAT I, I WOULD RATHER LIKE HATE ON MY OWN RACE IN A WAY...IT’S A WEIRD CONVOLUTED DISCUSSION AND I’M HAPPY I CAN EXPRESS IT HERE." There are many layers to this conversation and to Francis as well. As someone who's listening on the other end as people tell their stories, I believe that he is in a pivotal moment in his life. Stepping into the entertainment industry caused a certain type of change in the way he views validation. “I WAS MEASURING MYSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE A LOT OF THE TIME. IF SOMEONE ELSE IN A SIMILAR FIELD OR SOMEONE I KNEW WAS DOING WELL, and THEY WERE GETTING MORE LIKES THAN I WAS, or THEIR VIDEOS WERE GETTING BETTER VIEWS, and THEY WERE GETTING CONGRATULATED MORE. THEN I ALMOST FELT LIKE IN ORDER TO VALIDATE MYSELF and TO MAKE MY LIGHT SHINE BRIGHTER, I HAD TO TAKE FROM THEIRS, and BE LIKE. THAT IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT I’VE GOT TO ACHIEVE. I WAS VALIDATING MY PROGRESS FROM OTHER PEOPLE’S WORK.” Humility also came into his life spending six days in Uganda filming a story for YouTube. I USED TO BE ONE OF THE ONES WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE COMING BACK, ‘oh like you’re changed because you went to Africa for five minutes?’ LIKE, YEAH. I WAS CHANGED WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA FOR SIX DAYS. I CAME BACK WITH MORE OF A BROADER UNDERSTANDING AS TO WHAT I SHOULD START LOOK AT WHEN I FACE PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE.” It's rare to find people in the industry are willing to do the work and are willing to reach a place of humility, self-awareness and personal growth. It's so easy to search for that validation, as Francis mentioned, through social media currency and constant comparison with one's peers. So this conversation is particularly inspiring as it's been wonderful watching his personal evolution from afar. It will be felt when you listen. And speaking of: “LISTENING IS DEFINITELY THE MOST POWERFUL TOOL THAT YOU HAVE. YOU MAY THINK THAT BEAUTY IS MAYBE THE THING, or BLONDE HAIR, or BLUE EYES, or LEGS, ABS, ANYTHING, CAN GET YOU TO THE POINT IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WANNA GET TO. I THINK THAT IT’S LISTENING and I THINK THAT IT’S LISTENING TO WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO and IT’S LISTENING TO OTHERS.”

Will Reeve is the son of Dana and Christopher Reeve. He won't go out of his way to tell you that but if you ask him, he will speak about them in a way which parents can only dream of; with pride, with admiration, and with such tangible detail that they almost seem present in the conversation.  “The values that they had and that they instilled in me really just set the tone for my life is that you don’t complain, you don’t self-pity, you don’t whine, you don’t ask why me, you just get on with it, you stay committed to whatever you’re doing, you stay determined, you stay loyal to the people who love you and the people that you love, above all else, you have to hold on to hope.” I, like many, remember Will's father as the man who was once Superman who following a fall while horseback riding, spent nine years as a quadriplegic. There was something about this then that still reverberated now as I was doing my research on Will. I watched a video of Christopher Reeve on the Oprah show and I found myself unbelievably emotional. How could a man have such HOPE beaming out of him when he finds himself in what most would call a hopeless situation. "He could have just laid in his hospital bed not moving all day and nobody would have faulted him for it. He could have quit. He could’ve given up. But he didn’t. And not only did he not give up he fought every day to get out of that wheelchair. To put pressure on the scientific and political communities to try to find a way to cure spinal cord injury (and his fight lives on through the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation) .” I continued feeling this way during the entirety of my conversation with Will. To give a bit of context, I met him in New York about 3-4 years ago. I sat across from him at a dinner and thought to myself that he exuded a certain kindness that I don't often come across. He hadn't yet jumped into his current career as a broadcaster but it didn't seem crazy to assume that he'd one day find himself in the industry. Following his slow and steady rise via social media has been wonderful. I know how twisted the industry can be so I was pleasantly surprised to see that he's remained in tact with his kindness. If anything, it exudes on a much bigger level now. “My whole life it was instilled in me, by my parents, by my famous father and mother, that we’re normal people, we don’t deserve anything more than anybody else, we’re not owed anything, we’re not better than anybody, and you don’t namedrop. You don’t use your name to get ahead.” This conversation was recorded last week - something that usually doesn't happen with these podcasts as many of them have been recorded months ago and posted at a later time - but I wanted to get this one out there because the world in which we find ourselves is quite confusing, dark, and oftentimes with a feeling of hopelessness. It's hard to see through the forest. “Hope is the elixir, the antidote, the magic currency that we all, in my family, try to traffic in as much as possible." Will's story shines a much-needed light on the importance of HOPE during the darkest of times. He made me understand through the lessons he's learned from his parents, that this too shall pass. That although life often gets in the way, it can never strip us of our Hope, our Kindness, and our ability to Love, as long as we choose to stay in tact with this incredibly important human emotion. "I think that that also , in addition to hope, adaptability is one of the key ingredients to life. I truly believe that if you’re adaptable and can roll with the punches so to speak you will succeed because you can go into any situation and come out okay if not thriving.” So, I could sit here and write a full expose on this conversation and provide you a heads up on what you'll hear, and learn, and think about Will Reeve, but I'd rather let his voice take you there. He, like all of us, is a flawed individual. But what makes him amazing is that he speaks openly about his flaws and insecurities, something that I feel men (and women) can do a better job of enunciating. There's just much to takeaway from this conversation. "I have to attribute this quote to my father but it’s something that I live by … it’s what I try to see in myself but I also try to see in other people: I belive in the best possibilities of human beings." Dana and Christopher Reeve - although I do not personally know you...I feel you through your Son. Thank you for your kindness and selflessness and care for others, and most importantly, thank you for instilling all of your virtues to Will. We need more people like him. p.s. thank you Will. continue being a rockstar and let's get that 50 Most Eligible Bachelor List moving a bit for you ;)

Aside from everything else, Josh (as I've known him over the years), or Zeke (as he is now known), is an incredibly kind soul. We've known one another since elementary school. He is the son of legendary NBA player, Isaiah Thomas. I, the daughter of legendary NHL player, Igor Larionov. We had, and still have, a lot in common. We are grateful for our upbringing but as is commonly heard when growing up in the shadow of A BIG PERSONALITY or STAR, the last name comes with added weight. "As a kid, the pressures of ‘are you the best basketball player?’. Are you the best athlete because of these genes that you’ve inherited? No, I wasn’t. I was athletic. I was into it. But I wasn’t passionate about it." "Still today at 29 years old … I get asked by random people: 'so are you good at basketball as your dad?' How is that even possible? Don’t you think if that was true that I would be in the NBA?” It begs the question of: can one ever feel good enough when they're forever compared to greatness? “(the genes acquired) overshadowed me. That’s what I felt made me feel not good enough. Now...I”ll never be as big as my dad. God willing maybe it will happen. But you know, I have a successful career as a DJ and a Music Producer, but there was a lot of resentment and anger I had to work through." Zeke moved to NYC when his Father started working for the New York Knicks. That was his first taste of fame on a different level. "...moving to New York City with my Dad, I remember getting followed by the New York Post and the NY Daily News, and different newscasters asking me questions, getting my phone number asking questions about (you know) what’s my dad doing? What do you think? Why did he do this? Why did he do that? What’s up with the New York Knicks scandal and all this stuff? And i’m like, i don’t know...it’s like living in a mini-kardashian bubble and that’s not what you signed up for.” As you can see if you take a gander through Zeke's social media, he has created quite the name for himself in the music industry, as both a DJ and a Music Producer. But in the past year or so, his name was in headlines for a different and devastating reason.  In 2016, Zeke was drugged while on a date and then raped in his own apartment by a man he met through a dating app.  “I woke up the next day not remembering anything. Completely blacked out. Complete no recollection except for bleeding from my anus.” He spent the following day trying to put the pieces together. “It’s shock and disbelief. Especially when the person is still there. He was still there. He was about to leave. He was actually like, ‘hey i had a great time’. It was very much what you heard in the majority of the Bill Cosby depositions. It was just like uh, like a, ‘this isn’t real … this didn’t happen’. Then the pain - you feel the pain - and you know what happened. And you’re seeing things. And you’re putting everything together and now you’re trying to remember the night … and you’re like, ‘i didn’t drink. I didn’t take anything. What happened?” And that's where our stories collide. Josh and I have kept in contact over the years and when I saw him Speaking His Truth on Good Morning America I reached out.  In this conversation Zeke revelas his history with sexual assault, with one occurrence in his childhood, and then the rape that has made media headlines. We go beyond the details of it and into the emotional aspect of it, better understanding the psychological weight that is added. As I started to share my own personal experience, I asked him about shame and self-blame. “I am 100% in agreement with you that I did start to blame myself. I literally felt like every bit of me had been taken away from me. My humanity, almost. I didn’t move. And when I say I didn’t move, I literally mean I didn’t move. I barely went to the bathroom for two days. I was just in bed. Couldn’t move. I was just asleep. Numb to the world. And then I … I decided to numb myself. And I numbed myself full of drugs and alcohol and I went down that path. It was definitely my way of dealing with it but also it was my way of saying, ‘i don’t want to be here’. It was basically a suicidal path and there was one time where I did try to commit suicide. Because of this incident.” This conversation is HEAVY. It was hard for me to record it and even harder to listen back. It is as vulnerable, open and honest as they come. There is a ray of light at the end of this dialogue and I give all the credit to Josh. As I said in the beginning, he is an incredibly kind soul, and his Love radiates through this conversation.  thank you Josh for being you. love you.

Chances are you've seen Melanie Collins on TV. She's been a TV + Sports Broadcaster for ten years covering a variety of sports on NBATV, The Big Ten Network, NFLonCBS, ESPN, Golf Channel, PGA.com, and has filled in on ESPN's First Take and SportsNation. As any good host, he's dabbled in the entertainment industry too but as you'll hear, her heart is with hockey. That's how Mel and I first met. It took us a good 6-7 years of a friendship to get to this Podcast conversation and confess that we both looked at one another as the 'girl who had it all'. Women in competition. Unattractive, yet prevalent. We make our peace and discuss why competition is so rampant and heavy amongst women, especially in our industry. “We have this view of the industry where we look at it through a scarcity lens. Because we’re women and because jobs are so hard to come by already - or we feel that way - we feel that there’s not room for all of us. Especially with the great jobs that we feel will get us the most exposure." Growing up in State College, PA, Mel grew up around her brothers and sports acted as a way to connect with them.  “For me - being the only girl in the house - the only way that i could really participate in playing with my brothers was to suit up and go in net and let them shoot on me, or go play tennis with them, or whatever. So, I just kind of .. I began to like sports because it was kind of what I knew. It was the way that I fit in with my brothers." At the age of 12, Melanie's parents divorced and after two years of moving back and forth between her Mom and Dad's house, she had to face a tough decision. “It was traumatic when i was young. For the first two years after my parents divorced, i would go to my dad’s house for a week and then i would come back to my mom’s house for a week. I chose to live with my mom and i think my dad from that point kind of took that as i was choosing my mom over him, which sucks when your’e a 14 year old girl. I felt the relationship with my dad kind of fizzle after i chose to live with my mom but i needed it for mental stability. i needed to be in one place and be with my things. And i needed to be with my mom. From that point on, my dad and i kind of grew apart and you know, we still talk to this day but it’s definitely not ...  i never had that like daddy’s girl relationship with my dad that all my friends had and that i always wanted.” Melanie is tough. One almost has to be thick-skinned in order to survive in this industry. She works hard. She has a no-quit mentality. She's the best of the best. I mean it. I've seen a lot of women come and go in this industry. There are few like Mel. And even fewer who've gone through troubled waters during the early stages of their career, coming out as a survivor. Dubbed as "The Next Erin Andrews", one day Melanie's agent called to inform her about pictures surfaced on the internet. The 'butt-crack' pictures from college, couple with a bikini photoshoot nearly derailed her career. Every subsequent job interview questioned her integrity: "It was awful. I remember having to specifically fly to ESPN at one point and explain that photo to higher ups at ESPN and i just thought, how did it get to this point....it’s just like I somehow created this monster...some slutty college girl who shouldn’t be hired because she licks butt cracks and wears a bathing suit.” I'd be the first (and certainly not the last) to say that these experiences were undeserved, unfair, and unimaginably harsh especially for a woman like Melanie; poised, smart, kind, hard-working, and mindful. But that is the industry. Further in the conversation, I share my experiences dating a Hockey Player and how that affected my job, my behavior, and future opportunities. NHL, I knock at you. I do not apologize. It's time that things change. Melanie reiterates the statement after losing a job opportunity BECAUSE of her relationship with James Neal. "An opportunity came up with NHL Network where they were looking for a full time host. I was told you’re our top candidate. It’s yours to lose. We’re stunned by your audition. We’re so excited about you. Here I am thinking I’m getting this job. I get a call about a week later and my agent says, ‘hey you know, unfortunately NHL Network feels that your relationship is an issue and they can’t offer you a job. That’s where my relationship with an athlete in this field has gotten me." As you'll hear in the intro of the podcast we touch on much more. This was TRULY a breath of fresh air for me. Sure, Mel and I have had these types of conversations off-air but we both felt it was time to start SPEAKING OUT about the inner-workings of this industry. At 30 + 31, we've done the work. We've proven we belong over and over again. We have nothing to hide. With our Truth we want to create the space for the future generation of young women to have equal opportunity, success, and respect in our industry. So THANK YOU MEL. For being candid, honest, kind, and open-hearted as we weaved through this conversation. Much love to you. xx.

THIS IS CALLED CHECK BACK WITH MR. KEVIN. In the world of child psychology - a lot of times it’s important to check back in with your counselor or your therapist. In fact, i’ll go as far as to say that everyone should take some time to check back in with their therapist. And if you don’t have one then try checking back in with yourself. Be it through writing, mediation, a solo walk, or art - whatever it is that you can use to get back to YOU. Mr. Kevin and I met while I was working for VICE. I’ve always been fascinated by psychology and the human condition so when when we ended working together, oftentimes our conversations - even those about work - were based on the psychological aspects of the characters and people I was researching, the people in the office, or people around the world.  At first, I didn’t know about Mr. Kevin’s background .. I worked in Children's Mental Health for almost 11 years, in both the Department of Child and Family Services and in private run facilities where I would write treatment plans for the kids, run group sessions and work one on one with the kids to achieve their therapeutic goals. In that time, I worked with children who were diagnosed with bipolar disorder, conduct disorder, schizo effective, autism, aspbergers and more. The majority of the children also suffered from abuse, physical, verbal, emotional and sexual. I majored in Psychology at the College of Southern Nevada and the University of Reno. Trained in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I have studied meditation for the past 8 years and have been practicing and training as a healer for 5 years now. I will soon start my Reiki healing certification at the beginning of the year.   Once I understood that his knowledge stemmed from a space of experience and education, I became even more excited at the opportunity of having someone to speak to on the many topics that fill my mind.  If you worked at VICE, chances are you’d see Kevin and I in a corner discussing the human condition - or - you might have seen us working on a sports pilot, using the white board in one of the conference rooms to dissect (and I mean…really dissect) the person we were to interview. Neither of us work for VICE anymore but our friendship remains in tact. and as I navigated my life into Recovery from my eating disorder, Kevin was always an understanding ear because he GOT me beyond the general population. He and I both believe childhood shapes us into the people that we are today. We love understanding peoples pains and scars and flaws in order to help each individual come a tad bit closer to a feeling of healing. For Check Back with Mr. Kevin we will be addressing some of the questions both of us ponder - or better yet, Kevin will try to answer my complicated mind - by using the Tell Your Story Podcast episodes as launching points, and then following the natural course of conversation. This is an experiment . Flawed. of course. So we’ll see how it goes. Take a listen and let us know what you think. xx.a

I remember vividly the day I met Ally Love. I was walking out of my position as in-arena host for the Brooklyn Nets, and she was walking in. We exchanged a few quick words but not much more than that. As you'll hear in this conversation: there are always two sides to every story. What I didn't know then is that Ally's electrifying ENERGY is no bullshit. At the age of nine, she faced a life or death situation when she was hit by a car. Her Mother gave her two choices: "‘Baby girl, you can choose to live or you can choose to die. It’s totally your choice." Ally chose life. To me, she is the embodiment of the phrase "loves to live". She does so ferociously and unapologetically. The key to her success is her incredible self-awareness and the power she knows she has to maneuver through any situation life throws her way. “You only have two options: It’s always black or white. There can be some grey stuff in the middle that you can move around, but it’s only to get to the two extremes, where it’s a yes or a no. That kind of dichotomy that you live in. That spectrum that we ALL live in. How we shift around is OUR option.” Shift. It's an interesting word for someone with bountiful energy whose moved from traditional dance, to becoming a New York Knicks Dancer, to a career in modeling, to hosting (she's still the Host of the Brooklyn Nets), to Peloton Instructor, to Founder of Love Squad, to becoming an entrepreneur and a self-made business owner and brand. “Like any small business, you work endless hours. Like this morning I got up at 530 just to get ahead of the game. I left my house for an 8 am meeting. And I’m non-stop until 830 tonight. I don’t complain about it. I love what I do. If I can affect more people with encouragement and positivity and somehow literally cheer them on - be their biggest cheerleader in their career and in their personal life - I have all the energy in the world for that.” Ally is a strong believer in the Rate of Activity vs. the Rate of Production - and we get into her theory. The key is identifying the kind of woman that you are. She's done that and more. This conversation is for anyone who is looking for a guideline on how to find the positive in any negative. It's a source of encouragement. It feels action-packed because of Ally's energy. It's about understanding perspective, one's strengths and one's weaknesses. The difficult to pin-down work/life balance. And it's for anyone who's looking for a cheerleader in their back corner. “I’ve been going out of my way to empower these women. To let them know - if there's something I can do to help you to find what you’re trying to do or figure it out - let me know. Use me as a resource.” I'm telling you - Ally's your girl. If you get a chance to make it to one of her Speaker Series - DO! The only thing that will come of that is pure goodness. Thanks for being you, Ms. Love. xx

Growing up on the East Coast with a highly achieving older brother, Dana Maloney never felt good enough. “Oh that’s Dana, his sister - not as smart. That crippled (me) and I think it contributed to the migraines. I didn’t feel good enough and that became ingrained in my belief system.” She was diagnosed with chronic migraine syndrome which resulted in social anxiety. By the age of 22, her migraines became so bad she spent 90% of her time in bed. "I tried everything that western medicine had to offer, I was on a million different meds. I had surgeries, injections, hospital stays, inpatient treatments. I felt that my identity was wrapped up in this illness." Without a light at the end of the tunnel, her husband asked that they make a change. So they moved to California where she would meet a therapist who would challenge her deeply ingrained belief system and response to pain. "Going to California - it was very progressive - I found this amazing marriage + family therapist. She was unlike any other therapist I’d seen. She said, 'Dana get off those fucking meds. We’re going to start doing something called cognitive behavioral therapy.'” Cognitive Behavioral Therapy not only saved her but it changed her life. Through the experience of learning this new language, Dana was able to find tools which would help her control some of the pain she was experiencing. “The truth is, the pain never really went away. It was more about redirecting my attention. I can be in pain, but I control my suffering.” It was working and because of that she finally saw the light. She found hope.  Without giving away too much of this conversation, Dana's career trajectory is quite remarkable. Her chance meeting with a therapist named John Kim aka The Angry Therapist, further pushed her into trusting in her own unique skills and beliefs, which eventually led her to becoming a therapist in her own right. “(John said) you have to lead with your story. Your story is what’s going to make you a good therapist. You can learn the foundations, you can learn the theories..and you will, but your story is what’s going to make you good.” To this thought process, she added her own unique approach by choosing to Disrupt the too-clinical, too-expensive therapeutic model. She called herself and her business: The Good Enough Therapist. Beautifully ironic after all the years she saw herself as less than, she stands on the foundation that we all encounter this thought process and feeling. “We do black and white thinking. Like, I’m all good or I’m all bad. I’m a failure or I’m a success. I should be this or I should be that. A LOT OF US SHOULD ALL OVER OURSELVES." For me, this was a DREAM conversation. Not only did I learn SO much from Dana, I was able to share some of my deeply painful and personal experiences. She is also a firm believer (as am I) in early emotional intelligence and it's need in our educational system. “I think an important thing that we can do - at an early age with kids - is to normalize these things. Is to normalize feelings and speaking your feelings. To normalize feeling vulnerable. To encourage them. Theres actually a lot of evidence out there that says that this kind of learning about emotional intelligence, learning about feelings and being vulnerable, affects PERFORMANCE in academia.” She is an overall BADASS. I feel you'll think this too. "The more suffering you’ve been through and the more pain, you get that kind of endurance and it doesn’t hit you as hard. They become speed-bumps not roadblocks. Life doesn’t exist on a smooth plain. We make progress. We have ups and downs.”

Yes, let's just get this out of the way BECAUSE SHE'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. Corinne is the daughter of Jamie Foxx. Okay. Moving on. I first heard of Corinne when I came across an article she wrote for Refinery29. In it, she used my favorite phrase: speak your truth. As an Ambassador for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, her role does not require her to speak about her own struggles. However, her feeling was one that if she was going to wear her part proudly, she had to be authentic. So she wrote about her truth: her anxiety. “There are so many stigmas. You don’t want to be called crazy. There (are) stigmas against it. And so I was nervous. You know, I have this great image and everybody thinks very highly of me and i don’t want them to see my weaknesses but I think in showing your weaknesses, you really show your strength. And so, that was a big reason why I decided to do it.” Which leads me to another article she wrote and warning readers of the pitfalls of fame: the 'world in sheep's clothing' as she calls it. What I found most interesting about Corinne is that in the age of social media influencers, she is more than just a face and a name. She is SMART. And she knows it. Which is incredible because she chooses to use her platform to talk about important issues from which we could all benefit. "It’s my first time actually being in the industry and meeting people in the industry and being like, 'oh wow this is what my dad was talking about,' and this is like, you know, the road kind of my dad did not want me to go down. Regardless, it’s still fun and they (influencers) are nice people, but I definitely do think there’s a difference and it does feel kind of isolating sometimes." Simply put: she's refreshing. And so was this conversation. I hate to sound like an old 30 year old, but for 24 she is way ahead of the game. She's got her head on straight, knows what she wants, and knows how to attain it. With Corinne's pedigree and the environment in which she was raised, one could easily assume otherwise, which is a huge testament to her parents. “Both my parents absolutely love and live for what they do and they would never, ever allow me to settle for a job that I did not feel super passionately about. So when I see them and they wake up in the morning so energized to go to work, it fuels them, they come back smiling because they love it so much - that has definitely given me that push to really fight for what I want to do, and not settle for just like ‘ah this job is fine'. If it’s not amazing, don’t do it.” She is Intelligence + Beauty. Her confidence contagious and her kindness infectious. Her ability to speak so openly about something that is still plagued with stigmas is brave, inspiring, and immensely important. I am especially impressed by Corinne's ability to grab the reins of her life and to steer in the appropriate direction, even if it takes trial and error. We could all use a boost of her mantra: “Don’t underestimate the power of what you can do.”

I first met Ricki around 2006.. We were both visiting friends at Michigan State University. The first thing I noticed about Ricki was that she was beautiful. In my mind, it seemed Ricki had her shit together. She had this sexy raspy voice. She was opinionated and seemingly unapologetically herself. It felt like she didn't give a shit about what others thought of her. To me, that was the kind of freedom I could only dream of. I saw her again around 2014. We were at a house party and started talking about eating issues. I was battling with my own and she was a survivor. She spoke to me about how she found a way to love herself. At that moment, she felt like the only person in the world who understood me. But I wasn't ready to hear her. That's how things work with these things. You're never ready for Recovery, until you're ready for Recovery. Ricki was the first person I emailed once I launched this platform. I had followed her through social media, secretly admiring her bravery to speak about the traumas which have shaped her. She wrote about losing her Mother to cancer at a very young age. She wrote about her struggle with anxiety and depression. She wrote about her body and her negative relationship with food. She felt heavy - emotionally - so she decided to Break The Weight. And that's what she's all about and that's how her business started. Yes, she will help you lose weight. Yes, she will get you back on track - feeling great about your body and loving yourself, but Ricki is more than that. She digs deeper. As she puts it "you know, a lot of clients that i work with have tried everything. I’m their last resort." She's there to change the way we feel about food, by changing how we feel about ourselves. I can't stress enough how important this conversation was to me, and how important it will be to you. What I learned is that it is so much more than our physical weight which weighs us down. I tease her at the end for making this conversation feel like a therapy session, but it's true. I felt lighter, as if a weight was lifted off of me after speaking with Ricki. I think you will feel this too. For more on Ricki, visit her website www.breaktheweight.com and follow her on IG @_breaktheweight.

Here's what you need to know. Sarah and I met when she was still Sarah Larson. We both attended Detroit Country Day School in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan - we both admit that we were raised in an affluent and privileged community which gave us a warped sense of the realities of the world. When we were in high school, Sarah was a year older than me and a 'cool girl'. I remember that I didn't feel 'cool enough' to be in the midst of her circle of friends. "I definitely fell into the category of not the nicest in high school and it’s something that i’m definitely not proud of. I was so insecure and that was my number one defense mechanism, to point to other people before they could point to my flaws." So when I found myself writing her an email asking if she would be a guest on my podcast, I immediately went back to my 15 year old self, and started feeling fearful that she would deem my initiative child's play, and would turn me down. In fact, my self-esteem was (is?) so low, that I figured she wouldn't respond at all. That couldn't be further from the truth. She responded with an immediate yes - which resulted in my feeling like a total asshole - and once we connected on Skype, it was as if the silly insecurity I felt in high school, no longer existed. She is truly a badass and kind woman. If you haven't realized already, she opened Y-7 Studios aka "The Original Hip Hop Yoga Studio" with her husband Mason, which now has five locations in New York and one in Los Angeles...and they're growing. Forbes named her a 'millennial CEO', which we discussed at length, so I dissected her thoughts on what it takes to be a female entrepreneur. There's a lot to learn here for anyone who is looking to start their own business, or needs that extra boost of confidence to stand firmly behind whatever idea they're looking to push. Beyond business this conversation is important because we really dive into how Sarah evolved from a woman who used to take every piece of criticism to her core, to a woman who speaks her truth and champions flaws. "Not everyone has to like you. Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you." SHARE. SHARE. SHARE. IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR, PLEASE SHARE THIS CONVERSATION WITH THOSE WHO WOULD APPRECIATE AND BENEFIT FROM IT. Personally, I think this provides a window into a young girls mind for any parent who's listening - as middle school and high school, can be difficult years. It is also a window into an entrepreneurs mind, one who started a business because of their own personal need. A lot of you ask me how you can find your passion - I think Sarah answers this quite eloquently.  For more on Sarah, follow her on @sarah_levey and @y7studio, and visit her website www.y7studio.com.

After ten years working as a host, broadcaster, and producer in the male-dominated TV + Media Industry, Alyonka Larionov woke up to a shell of her former self. Steeped in her belief of not being good enough, her workaholic tendencies left her unbalanced in all aspects of her life. She was stripped of her family + friends, her femininity, her authenticity and her voice. So she embarked on a journey to find herself. In an attempt to reconnect with the women in her life, she launched The Untitled Female Project, an online open forum where women can explore the essential and universal questions of gender, identity, and the human condition. However, what she discovered soon after launching the project was just how deeply these questions affected all people--not just women.  Through the TELL YOUR STORY Podcast, Alyonka encourages her guests to #TellYourStory, #SpeakYourTruth, and #ChampionFlaws. Through these intimate, unfiltered conversations, she hopes to uncover her guests' experiences, successes, and failures that will encourage others to live their own authentic live, and to create awareness that there is a lesson in every story.