Podcasts about francie winslow

Play Episode Listen Later May 25, 2026 62:27

*Disclaimer: This topic is not intended for young listeners. Please use discretion. Maximize PLEASURE in Marriage by Understanding Your Wife Better: An Interview with Francie Winslow (Episode 294) Proverbs 5:19b NLT “May you always be captivated by her love.” *Transcription Below* Francie Winslow is a wife, mom, and intimacy evangelist. Three fun facts about Francie: NO. 1 I saw a glimpse of Jesus' heart one day as a 19-year-old, when I sat in a Thai brothel with girls my age. My friend and I bought two girls for the night so we could take them to dinner and shower them with REAL LOVE. It was there that I realized there was nothing more that I wanted than to give God all of me. NO. 2 I got married when I was 20, after knowing my husband for only 10 months, and dating him for less than 5 months. Total craziness, I know, but so clearly the way God was leading me. NO. 3 My husband and I have 6 kids, some with special needs and chronic health issues. So yeah, life right now is a bit crazy. But it never lacks for excitement as I learn about the things they really need and how God is working in me as I serve my family in every season. Francie's Website Follow along with her @franciewinslow Thank you to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage Questions and Topics We Cover: As moms, how do we go from “touched out” to “turned on”? How can we realistically choose to still prioritize connection, right in the middle of the busy? After diving into this topic for many years, will you share what you have learned about orgasm? Other Savvy Sauce Episode Mentioned: 4. Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life With Your Spouse With Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen 7. Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage With Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner 63 Maximizing Sexual Enjoyment During the 3 Most Challenging Seasons in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner 252. Maximizing Sexual Connection as Newlyweds to Long Term Marriages and Recovering from a Sexless Marriage with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:11) Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 2:05) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. I'm thrilled to introduce you to our sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Their weekend marriage retreats will strengthen your marriage, while you enjoy the gorgeous setting, delicious food, and quality time with your spouse. To find out more, visit them online at winshapemarriage.org slash savvy. I'm so excited to welcome back my returning guest, Francie Winslow. This conversation is going to be geared a little bit more toward understanding women, but I want you to know it's going to be very beneficial for both husbands and wives. I think husbands are going to appreciate getting a glimpse into how their wife's body works, and how they can love them better and serve them, even in the bedroom, so that they can enjoy a more fulfilling sex life with you as their spouse. And for wives, I believe you're going to appreciate your feelings or your vague thoughts being put into words, because Francie has this way of articulating big ideas and making them bite-sized and understandable through all of her wisdom. So, not everything will apply to every wife, but I hope that everyone gets to find encouragement and enjoy a deeper sexual connection with your spouse after listening to this message and applying the wisdom. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Francie. Francie Winslow: (2:05 - 2:07) It's so good to be here, thanks for having me. Laura Dugger: (2:07 - 2:20) Well, I'd love to begin with this idea of sharing sparks, because I was so intrigued the first time that I heard you teach on this topic. So, can you just explain more about this concept? Francie Winslow: (2:22 - 5:56) Sure. Well, I think the idea really just came from this experience that my husband and I have had of knowing that, kind of in movies, it's portrayed that romance is just always fiery and passionate, and then you get married, you have kids, real life sets in, and it's like, hey, what does this actually look like to have a sex drive or to have a sense of passion in your marriage? And just for some context, because I think context helps, I have six kids from 18 down to 7, some pretty significant special needs, autoimmune diseases. We've got a lot packed into our little home. And so, then you have a marriage that you want to stay on fire, you want to stay growing, but life is full, life is hard. And so, it's just easy to feel like the fire's just gone out. And my husband and I work really hard on intentionality in our sex life, and we kind of came up with this idea called sparks, because sometimes that's all you have, is like a tiny spark, and that's actually okay. You think about a campfire, really what you need is you just need a spark, and then you just need to blow on it a little bit, and it turns into embers and then can turn into a fire. And so, we talk about rather than like, I've lost my sex drive, or do you have high sex drive or low drive, kind of releasing that concept and the heaviness that can be around that concept and just talk about cultivating sparks. And a spark is essentially just a bit of desire, a bit of arousal, a bit of attraction, and we can kind of be so busy in our day that we might have a fleeting thought of, oh, it would be nice to be together tonight, and then you just forget about it. But rather than having a fleeting thought or a sensation in your body and letting it pass, we talk about sharing our sparks. And so, we'll, if I have a thought of, hey, I'm thinking about your biceps today, you know, like something playful and fun, and how much I am attracted to you, I'll text it to him or he'll text it to me. Or if we're in person, we'll share our sparks by, you know, grabbing each other and pulling each other into the pantry for a second, having a little makeout or having a little, you know, quick, playful petting session, and we're just being playful for 30 seconds here, 30 seconds there in the middle of real life. And it's a way to say, hey, I'm bringing my little spark, you're bringing your little spark, and we're doing, honestly, the best we can in the, in the midst of real life in the midst of real hard to keep our fire going. And it is amazing the impact that that's had on our marriage, because it's just easy to assume, we're just too tired. And then days go by weeks go by and, and really roommate, the roommate rut sets in or disconnection or even pain because you begin to miss each other. And it feels hard to get reconnected. So, we've found it to be really beneficial and simple just to say, okay, if I have a fleeting feeling in my body, a little sensation, a little attraction, a little arousal, a little desire, a little flirtatious energy, I'm just gonna express it as quickly or as sincerely as I can in that moment. Like I said, sometimes it's through text, sometimes it would be a quick phone call, hey, you know, I'm thinking about you tonight, or, you know, playfully, like, what are you wearing, or like a text a little, a little invitation to connection later. And it's those little things that make a really big difference. And I would say the physical things, especially like grabbing each other, hey, we'll say to our kids, mom and dad need to have a quick conversation, like real serious, and then we'll go to the laundry room or go to the pantry. And it's just those literal 30 second exchanges that are so small that make a really big difference in keeping the fire going in our marriage. And it's super meaningful, especially in these really busy seasons. Laura Dugger: (5:58 - 6:21) I love that because you've also pointed out, I think, in the past that you don't buy into the whole who has high libido, who has lower drive. Rather, you see it as energy that can be fostered. And also, then just that connection of we have the spark, but then sharing it, it can ignite faster. So, anything else you'd like to add about? Francie Winslow: (6:22 - 9:35) Yeah, I think that's good to bring it up. I mean, a spark is like a bit of energy. And if you think about like a spark of fire, like that creates something and a spark of desire in your marriage, or a tiny spark of arousal is sexual energy. And so, I think of it as how do I grow sexual energy. And that, ironically, has to be a really intentional thing. It has to be like, I think about being with my husband, I actually spend time, maybe even my planner thinking, okay, I'd like to have sex, we'd like to have sex at some point this week, what day would be best where I'd have the most energy or where he would be, you know, not as stressed out because he had a lighter workday or maybe not have to early morning, you think about your week, your time, in terms of energy. And when you think about sexual energy, when we might have the most sexual energy or creating sexual energy. And so, we've realized that we came to that point of kind of forsaking the high drive and low drive identities, because I think they can become Oh, he's the high, I'm the low, or vice versa. And that can feel heavy. And it can feel like pressure, like I feel ashamed, because I'm low, he feels disappointed, because he's high, whatever it might be. And that can switch for men and women as well. And rather than seeing it as that, and maybe we've just like, life has beat us up. So, neither of us have a high drive at this point. And but yet, we still have a very active sex life without that clinging to who's high and who's low, because we're both committed to growing our sexual energy. And so for me, that looks like thinking about being with him, it looks like tuning into my body in a sensuous way, as a tired mom, and that looks like holding my cup of coffee or cup of tea intentionally and like feeling sensation in the everyday moments from wafts of you know, steam coming from my coffee to the sunlight on my face to washing in the shower, I can actually realize that I've had years where I will do the whole shower routine and not feel a thing like I didn't even notice sensation from shampoo or from the loofah or from lotion, I just did it robotically to get through the chore of caring for my body. And I've switched really to think of it as being paying attention to my body paying attention to sensation paying attention to how nice it feels to wash my face with a soap that smells good. And it's those things of going slow and being embodied and paying attention to my body and sensations that does transfer over to help me remember, oh, I want to foster awareness of my body. And being aware of my body is a way of fostering sexual energy, because I'm thinking about how things feel. And I'm thinking about my body and how it's responding to touch. And then that helps me honestly feel more when my husband touches me. So, we can talk about that later about the issue of kind of feeling numb in our bodies. But I think that that is a reality for marriage later on is that we can become numb in our sex life, because we're just busy, and we're tired, and things are routine, and we're kind of bored. And so fostering sexual energy, getting out of our heads and into our bodies, thinking about our times together, growing our skills, sexually learning about learning about sex, learning about anatomy, all of those things are ways to grow sexual energy, as well as just the playfulness of the sparks and, you know, pulling each other into the pantry and having a quick makeout session, those kinds of things. Laura Dugger: (9:36 - 10:53) I love those practical examples. And I think you're right; we should get to numbing or what it feels like maybe later on in marriage. But let's go back to Newlyweds or especially new moms, because just for all of marriage, sexual connection is going to cement us together. So, of course, the enemy of our soul is going to want to do anything at every stage to make us too busy, too distracted, to have that intimate connection. And many times, new parents have things that make it difficult and challenging to connect. But it's not like it gets any easier, because then other difficulties are going to come in, whether that's raising older children or medical issues that come in or perimenopause and menopause. So, there are always going to be obstacles. But I want us to be wise, whatever season we're in right now, to cultivate our delight and connection in every season. So, I don't know about you, Francie, but the most common phrase I've heard new moms tell me is, I've had people touching me all day. I don't want him touching me at night. And I'd love for you to offer us a healthier narrative. Francie Winslow: (10:54 - 14:47) Yeah. Well, I don't get to speak in person very often because of my commitment to be really invested at home with my kids. But I am speaking a few times this spring to some moms' groups. And the theme is from touched out to turned on. So, I just want to affirm, if anybody is feeling that they are for sure not alone. I hear it all the time as well. And there is this dynamic of I'm so touched out; I don't want to be touched anymore. And the thing I've learned in understanding our bodies, understanding sexuality, and especially female sexuality is that we are not only coming to the table with our bodies and our anatomy, we're coming with our nervous systems. And so there is this thing at play where we have been having stimulation come at us all day through media, through our phones, through needs of others, and we are touched out. And another word for that would be overstimulated. And so, I would say you're not broken, you're not hopeless, you're overstimulated, and you're exhausted. And it is very hard for a woman to come into a place of arousal or desire from that place of what's probably fight or flight, that feeling of I just can't be touched anymore. I am so overwhelmed. I feel like this bubbling over of anxiety or a place of like shut down and disconnected, I want to withdraw. And so those are two nervous system states that we often go in when we are overdone, overcooked, too much has been coming at us. And so, when we're in that place, and we're feeling overstimulated, and like, I don't want to be touched, I would say the invitation is simply to take a minute and realize, oh, I'm not broken. I'm not actually as unavailable, maybe as I think I need to become available to myself for a minute, I need to reset, I need to remember that my body needs rest in order to connect and communicate that rather than it being like, oh, don't touch me, I've been touched out. And it looks like feels like rejection. It's more of an invitation to care for yourself, knowing that, oh, in order to be available for connection, I need to see it not as another chore, but a place to be nourished and a place to reconnect to my own body. And that sexuality was meant to be a place of nourishment, and care and rejuvenation, not just another need to be meeting. And so, I think that's the other mindset shift is we need a minute to rest, reconnect to our bodies, maybe a shower, maybe a bath, a minute to say, okay, I'm very overstimulated, I do need a second. And then to see that. And this is a call out to the husbands to like your job is to love your wife so well that she comes out of a sexual experience nourished. And if that's not happening in your marriage, know that that's actually the design of sexuality. And it might take some communication and work to switch our mindset. Because a lot of times we've been raised with a mindset that maybe X is a man's need. And another thing we have to do as wives, but that's actually a real huge lie. It's not about a man's need. It's about connection. And it's about nourishment. And it's about fully giving ourselves to one another and being cared for. And so what amazes me is the power of sexuality, even orgasm release, pleasure to be able to wash out a woman's nervous system and like a bath like oof, I got reset, I got this sense of the rush of the sexual hormones, the serotonin and the oxytocin and this place of deep connection is God's design for us. And so having this flip a mindset of it's not another need I have to meet, but it's actually a nourishing gift to me to get into my body to receive pleasure. There is a transition I think we need to give ourselves grace for to like, okay, I might want to shower and I might want to get out of my head and back into my body a little bit, but it really was designed to be a gift. And so that's, that's kind of my invitation is for women to receive it as a space that should be nourishing and can be nourishing and actually really healthy for her mind, body and spirit, even in tired seasons. Laura Dugger: (14:48 - 15:10) I appreciate what you said there, because you're flipping it from all day, maybe we are receiving very unpleasant touch. But this is a different type of very pleasant touch to be receiving, or we've been giving all day. This is the refilling, nourishing. And I think if we change our minds first, then our body can follow. Francie Winslow: (15:10 - 16:10) And there is an element to I think, creating an environment that does feel safe to let go. Because I think if you think about moms, they're giving all day, they've got the babies nearby, the monitors on, you know, the laundry piles huge, like there's all these distractions, and it doesn't actually feel like that safe of an environment to be nourished. And so, I would say even take that into consideration of what would make sexual experiences with your husband feel nourishing to you. And it might mean a really nice candle is lit or just a few things to change the environment to signal to your nervous system. Oh, yeah, this is a time of nourishment, not just okay, now I've got to switch, you know, here and meet another need. But this is a time to be beautiful. I would maybe put a noisemaker on for you, you know, to drown out some of the feeling that you're going to be heard, or you might wake up the baby, make sure the door is locked. Just take a minute to feel like you're giving yourself a gift in that time as well. And sometimes that can help to kind of quiet the environment to make it feel like a place where you want to let go and you really want to receive. Laura Dugger: (16:11 - 16:51) That's good. And the husbands can be so participatory with this, even that they have so much strength and usually more energy and sex gives them energy. So, if they can find creative ways to, I think, separate her as much as possible from mom to lover. So, I mean, people are aware of these like put if the husband does the bedtime bath routine or can finish the dishes or just do those physically taxing tasks so that she can have that transition time. I think there are just endless ways to be creative. And I'm assuming husbands would be so motivated to love and serve their wife that way. Francie Winslow: (16:52 - 17:08) Yeah, yeah, I think it's definitely a reality to think, okay, what does it look like for us both to step forward and really love each other? Well, and that will just probably be different for every couple but being able to know that you can use your voice and say that, hey, I really want to connect this would help me. Laura Dugger: (17:09 - 17:25) That's good. So, we've addressed that obstacle then of physical touch. But let's also talk about the constant noise in our minds as women. So, how can we move from getting stuck in our head to waking up our body? Francie Winslow: (17:26 - 21:44) Yeah, well, I mentioned it a little bit earlier. But I'll know for for me, I feel if I'm not very purposeful in the way that I take in technology and take in my phone, I can easily just live in a state of perpetual kind of humming anxiety, and not really know why. I mean, apart from like the parts of life that are really hard, and paying attention to, okay, what am I allowing in? What am I allowing to have access to me? What am I meditating on? How much white space? Am I giving my heart or am I like listening to a podcast 24 hours a day, or, you know, constantly having stuff in versus creating space for quiet in my body. And in my heart, just even to hear myself breathe, or to sit with some instrumental music and just be for a and not be performing or producing or consuming something. That's been a big thing for my nervous system, honestly, in that context. But I think the other thing that I mentioned earlier was our five senses. And I talked to women all the time who say I'm struggling with pleasure, I'm struggling with orgasm, I don't feel a whole lot. And there's a couple reasons we don't. But one of the reasons is we live so much in our head, with all the things we have to think about our to do list that never ends the and I think the part of having a phone is that the Instacart is there, the Amazon is there, the emails from the school are there, it's just always something that we need to be thinking about or processing. And that can cause us to live so much in our heads that we kind of live from our, our head up our neck up, and we neglect the fact that we have an entire body. And so I often be reminding myself, get out of your head and into your body feel, feel even just like your belly exhaling when you breathe, like that's so small, but if you can slow down enough to take five slow deep breaths, you'll feel your heart rate go down, you'll feel the sense of awareness even of God's presence of the sense that He's with you the sense that you know, you can navigate whatever you need to with peace. And so, I do a lot of things like take a walk without my phone. I'll sit on my back porch even just to sit in the sun for a minute to let the sun on my body and I'm always aware at this point, I want to feel things in my body because God gave us five senses to be present to the moment to be present to our kids to be present to Him. There's that classic book, Brother Lawrence, the practice of the presence of God. And it's this practicing awareness of God's nearness. And it's a practice. And not to make a leap that makes two people, people feel too uncomfortable, but to practice pleasure is a thing to get out of your head and into the sense of awareness in your day of sensation, a beauty of love of the presence of your kids, their smiles, their faces, and then in pleasure to be super aware of the presence of your husband, of your own self with him of the love that you're having of the feelings you're having in your body. And the noise that comes at us all day basically robs us of that awareness. And so, I think that the world's system of operating right now is maybe intentionally unintentionally, I'm not sure, bent on making us numb to God, to each other, to ourselves, to our souls, and to true genuine connection. And so, I think it's a real fight for me to live connected to myself, to God, to others. And what does it look like to really be present? And that's actually such a unique key to pleasure, to sexual pleasure that we wouldn't necessarily connect. We would think it's about like, oh, tips or positions, but it's actually about becoming present. And the noise coming at us tries to rob us of that presence, that awareness. And so, I think it's a very integrated conversation, whether it's talking about spiritual intimacy, sexual intimacy, obviously friendship, wherever we're trying to connect with someone or God, but the call is to be present and embodied. And that's what Jesus was. He was an embodiment of God. And He came to actually connect in a genuine face-to-face way. And yeah, so I think of when I think of the noise of my phone, the noise coming at us all the time, it's just draining of my energy, of my sexual energy, of my emotional energy, on all the levels. And it's constantly a reminder of God saying, “that's not your design. Your design was connection and presence and how that hits all the markers in all the relationships.” Laura Dugger: (21:45 - 24:26) And now a brief message from our sponsor. 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During your time away in this beautiful place, you and your spouse will learn from expert speakers and explore topics related to intimacy, overcoming challenges, improving communication, and more. I've stayed on site at Winshape before, and I can attest to their generosity, food, and content. You will be so grateful you went. To find an experience that's right for you and your spouse, head to their website, winshapemarriage.org/savvy. That's W-I-N-S-H-A-P-E marriage.org/savvy, S-A-V-V-Y. Thanks for your sponsorship. Getting out of our mind, getting into our body, how you said paying attention to your coffee and those five senses outside the bedroom, then when you're inside the bedroom, I remember Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner just saying, thank God for every tingly feeling that you get. I think you're more aware of your body in those times of intimate connection if you're practicing that outside of it, which is what you're advising. I guess one other super practical tip, I love it that a friend years ago told me the way she transitioned from work into sexual connection with her husband, they invested in a massage table. She would get 20 minutes or whatever on the table and he would just relax her head to toe and then they enjoyed that connection so much more. Francie Winslow: (24:27 - 28:23) Absolutely. Yeah, there's different types of touch. I talk about this in one of my podcasts, but there's therapeutic touch, which is like, “hey, I think I need a foot rub. I just need to relax.” Then there's nurturing touch. I will walk up a lot of times to my husband and just stand there and that signal of like, just hold me. I just need to be touched in that way, not groped. I don't even need to be playfully touched. I just need to be secure and held. Sometimes that's what we need to let go and let our nervous systems calm down. I will say even like a hug for 30 seconds, you can feel your body, hug until you feel yourself let go because you feel yourself soften. Noticing the sensations of, Wyatt and I went on a date the other day and I could feel myself. I was just noticing the sensations of my body and I'm like, I'm gripping. I'm gripping everything. That's not a great way to go into a date. Talking through like, okay, what is it that my body is gripping onto? It's so much stress, so much pressure. Then we ended up having a great date, but I was able to name those things like, what is my body needing? What am I feeling? Where am I now? That just comes from awareness, and it comes from practicing being present to what's happening in my body, in my nervous system and what do I need? There's therapeutic touch, nurturing touch. There's obviously playful touch like tickling or just being flirtatious. Then there's sexual touch. There's a wide range of what sexual expression and nice and gentle touch can look like that can open you up. I think getting out of your head and into your body and not being afraid of your body. I think as Christian women, we were raised with a real fear of our bodies and a real fear of pleasure. I know I was feeling like the word pleasure was even a really dirty word. It wasn't something I should be thinking about. It wasn't something that I had permission to even explore because it had a real sense of negative connotation to it. God's just really set me free from that because I'm realizing it's my design. There are countless pleasure zones all over my body by his good design, by his orchestration. He made my body. There's not one part of my body he's ashamed of, and I don't need to be either. Realizing that God did make the female body with way more than double the capacity for pleasure than a male body has. That's a gift for us. It's a gift for our emotions. It's a gift for our mental health. It's a gift for our creativity. You said men get more energy from sex, but actually, it's like when a woman really let's go and she really let's go because we have a hard time letting go. That doesn't mean crazy. It just really means you turn off your brain, and you really receive. There is a restart that happens. Usually, creativity does flow because it's the sense of different parts of your brain are reactivated and you are nourished. Sexuality was meant to be a creative act in procreation, but also in energetic movement through your body of what love creates. Love multiplies. Love grows. Not being afraid of our bodies, not being afraid of feeling, but praising God, like the penner said for every tingle. I'll say in terms of awareness in the bedroom, if you're having trouble feeling or you're having trouble feeling pleasure or reaching orgasm, there's three tips that I've heard that I really like is breath, breathing in that moment, coming back to your breath because a lot of times we can be intimate and still be in our heads. Our bodies are there, but our minds are somewhere else. We're thinking about the grocery list or thinking about why am I taking so long or is he having fun or do I look not good? Do I not look good to him? Where our brains are stuck in a lot of different places and getting out of our head back into our body with breath. Slowing down, really conscious, slow breathing, movement, going back and forth, and then vocalization, like using a moan or a hum or a yes. Those three things are often helping you get back in your body, helping bring your attention back to sensation and can enhance the moment through paying attention in those ways. Laura Dugger: (28:24 - 28:59) Those are so good. The only one I would add, I'm sure you would incorporate this as well, is prayer. I've heard a wife tell me before that she will pray every time they come together, whether she's praying just in her mind, not even out loud with her husband, but just, Lord, help me experience orgasm or help us to enjoy this time or whatever the prayer is. You also brought up playful touch then. Can you just unpack why play is so powerful as it relates to our sex life? Francie Winslow: (29:01 - 30:36) Well, I think that we can get so serious in life and we can get so exhausted and overwhelmed and then sex can become a task, or we just are now stressed about it. For us, quite simply put, playfulness has just been an invitation to revitalize our connection and to remember that we don't have to take things so seriously. I think our playfulness has come through even just like silly text messages. I say silly, but they're intimate, they're playful, they're between us. Little things that we've done, like you have certain names for certain positions and so you can speak in code and that can be a fun way to connect where nobody else knows what you're talking about, but you're sharing connection. Getting your heart rate up together, things like playing literally, like playing a sport, exercising together, having playful times together outside of the bedroom is so powerful. Getting your heart rate up together is actually a real libido booster. If you go work out, you just feel this energy together in general or going on a walk, we like to do that. By the time you come back from your walk, if you've walked briskly, you feel this sense of connection and a little bit more drive. You can even make games like, hey, whenever I wear this necklace, it's me giving you a little bedroom wink. We've done that where we have little signs to each other that, hey, I'm thinking about you, I'm so into you, see this necklace I'm wearing. There's just so many playful ways that you can connect that remind you, oh yeah, we're on each other's teams, we're for each other. This is not a have to, this is a get to, and this is a special place just for us to really build the connection. Laura Dugger: (30:37 - 30:52) One step further then with that play and movement, I've heard you talk about for females, nonlinear movement of our body. Can you share about how that, again, outside the bedroom can impact inside the bedroom? Francie Winslow: (30:52 - 35:31) Yeah. I have a membership community called The Circle, and we talk about this a lot because it's a bit like rewiring, especially Christian women's minds to connect to their bodies in a genuine way. Our culture in general has raised us to not embrace the masculine but requires us to be masculine in a lot of ways, just with how what's required is getting stuff done, standing in line, standing in traffic. It's very much task-oriented, get stuff done, stay busy. The female design is much more nonlinear. It's much more creative. It's much more life-giving than just task and just to-do list all day. When we stay in that do, do, do, and go, go, go mode, we lose our ability to flow and to be playful as women. I know when I am in task mode all day, I feel rigid rather than open. By God's design, the female body itself speaks of curviness. It speaks of receptivity and openness, but sometimes in our structured lives that we lead where we have to get stuff done, we close off that space through stress and through just this response of rigidity and overwhelm. Movement is a great way to loosen up, to open up to access playfulness as a woman. I've heard people call it nonlinear movement, and I think that's great because literally you don't have to be a good dancer, but it's just begin moving. I've taught in this membership group that I have just practical ways. We practice and we laugh and we talk about how it's going, but it's really creating new neural pathways in our own brains, new habits, new ways of embodying our own selves in our lives that remind us of who we are and help us access a playfulness. What that looks like for me is I can just be brushing my teeth, and I'll just do figure eights with my hips. That's just nonlinear movement, and it's just a way to move my body and be like, oh, yeah. It's like doing shoulder rolls. You're like, oh, I didn't know I was so tense. I didn't know I was gripping. I didn't know my posture was all hunched over because I've just been tense all day, and our bodies are holding on to that tension. Nonlinear movement is playful. It's also a way to release tension. It's also a way to remember, oh, yeah, I'm a woman, and I have hips, and it's fun to move. I'm not even that great of a dancer. I don't feel super sexy when I move, but then I remember I can be playful, and it kind of unlocks another layer of our sensuality and our beauty and helps us remember that we are lovely and attractive and desirable and not just kind of to-do list on stairways walking around getting stuff done. Nonlinear movement can look like a lot of things. I've spent my 39th year, I decided on my birthday, I'd been thinking, reading, praying a lot about it, but my 39th year, I decided I'm going to befriend my body this year. I did things that whole year, like nonlinear movement, like just cultivating pleasure in my body in a lot of different ways to really befriend and honor my body and call it good, like God called it, because I had lived for so long kind of at a distance from my body and afraid of my body and afraid of, honestly, femininity in a way because I didn't know how to grid that, and I didn't know what it looked like to be holy and to be integrated, to be holy and to be an alive sexual woman. It just kind of seemed like I needed to shut most of it off, and God's been doing a healing work in me for the last several years, and that's part of it, is just simple things like dancing in my room when nobody's looking, turning on music that doesn't have to have like a certain lyric or notion to it, but I just get to move, and there's something about moving our bodies where we get to really let go of a lot and remember the design that we have for creativity and beauty, and yeah, that's just a fun way to do it, but a little practical is trying figure eights while you're doing your toothbrushing or stirring your spaghetti. A funny one that makes me laugh and makes everybody laugh when I have them do it is spelling your name with your hips, and so you just realize, oh, oh my gosh, you know, you're moving your hips in all sorts of directions, but by the time you finish, you feel more open, and you feel more alive and awake in your body, and I think, I know I'll speak for me, I feel many days if I'm not intentional very unalive in my body because I just am exhausted, but it's those intentional places of befriending our bodies, paying attention, and honoring our beautiful bodies allows us to enjoy it more, being a woman, being a wife, being present, and it sure does make it a lot more fun to participate in it rather than just feel like life is happening to us all the time. Laura Dugger: (35:32 - 35:59) Okay, and then speaking of that, life happening to us all the time, we talked about maybe newlyweds or new parents, but as we transition into middle age, maybe we're parenting older children at that point, or we're assisting with aging parents, or facing demands with work or our health. How can we realistically still choose to prioritize connection right in the middle of busy? Francie Winslow: (35:59 - 36:01) Yeah, you mean with our spouses? Laura Dugger: (36:02 - 36:02) Yes. Francie Winslow: (36:02 - 41:05) Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it, for us, I'll say it comes from really just seeing it as a priority. It's one of our biggest rocks, you know, like when you have a jar, and you have rocks, and you only have so much room, you have to figure out what are your biggest rocks, and intimacy together is for sure one of our biggest rocks because we see what we've called, I've called forever the ripple effect of sex, that there is a ripple effect that comes from intimacy and connection, I think by God's design, and it's the same with our connection with God, that there is a ripple effect that comes from our connection with God. When we're connected and we're growing with God, other things benefit, right? We see it in our ability to show up as parents, and at work, we see the ripple effect of intimacy, and I'll say the same thing mirrors in marriage, that there is a profound ripple effect from sexual intimacy specifically, and there's other forms of intimacy in marriage that are really important, but sexual intimacy is the only type of intimacy that is shared in marriage alone, and so you can have deep friendships, and partnerships, and ministry, and prayer teams, and, you know, small group leaders meetings, and you can have growth, and closeness with a lot of types of people and groups, but sexual intimacy is the full giving of yourself, naked, unashamed, fully to another, and it's a real place of vulnerability, and I think as we're aging, as I'm beginning perimenopause, as we have almost, we're launching our first kids into college, we've got a bunch of special needs younger kids, what I'm realizing is I don't just need to have sex because it's good for our marriage, we need it because it's good for us. We really need it for our own nervous systems. We need it for comfort, and for grief, and for trauma processing, and for the bonding of us together, because we're clinging to each other as seasons change, and as dark seasons are on us, it's almost like this refuge that God has given us, and so I think seeing sexual intimacy as a really deep place of provision, not just, oh, it's something we need to do, like exercising, because it's good for us. It is, but there is a deeper invitation to the meaning, and the power of oneness, and union, which is, again, that reflection of our union with God, and it's a gift for our bodies, our nervous systems, in changing seasons as well. It's a real place of connection that we need, and so I think in terms of prioritizing it, it's one of our big rocks, and so this point, 20 years in, it's not unusual for us to have intimacy many times every day of the week. I guess I just say that as our marriage is 20 years in, and it's more deep, and more beautiful, and more pleasurable, and more meaningful than ever, and in my changing body, in our tiredness, I feel more confident, and more awake to my body than ever, and I love that, that I feel more confident than I did when I was 20, right? I feel more pleasure, because we know each other more, and we've leaned in to learn each other, and we've wept together, and we've grieved together, and we've gotten lost together, like we've had the highs and the lows, and that's, I think I want to cast that out as vision for young marriages, like it's worth it to keep growing, it's worth it to lean in, it's worth it to know each other, and to continue to press on together, because there's deep riches in that intimacy, and for friends who are in the older years, I'm walking with women right now who've been married 35 years, and they're waking up to their best marriage ever, because they're waking up to their bodies, and they might be 60 years old, but they're finally confronting the shame that's held back, they're finally confronting the lies about pleasure, and about sex being for a man only, and they're realizing that they have an entire body to get to know, and to share in marriage, and it's like a whole new territory that they're encountering, and there's freedom and healing happening, because they've had to have conversations that are hard, but actually unearth things that need to be healed, and I think that's the other bit of sexual intimacy that doesn't often get talked about, is that sexual intimacy is so intimate, it does not occur without the heart being present, and so if hard things come up in sex, it's usually because hard things need to come up, and vulnerability and intimacy requires, intimacy requires vulnerability, and that vulnerability is the space for the hard things to come up, and then in the presence of God, through prayer, through love, you address those, it might be hard, it might be painful, and then there's space to say, hey, let's work through that, let's lean in, let's keep loving each other, find help, and it continues to grow the marriage deeper, and so that's what I've found in our marriage, and with women I'm walking with, is that it's not always an easy uphill, you know, like ascent, but it's highs and lows, but over time, throughout the seasons, prioritizing oneness, prioritizing sexual communication, prioritizing time together, to practice pleasure, getting to know each other, those are the spaces where actually I've seen God do a lot of healing. Laura Dugger: (41:07 - 42:40) I want to make sure that you're up to date with our latest news. We have a new website. You can visit thesavvysauce.com and see all of the latest updates. You may remember Francie Heinrichson from episode 132, where we talked about pursuing our God-given dreams. She is the amazing businesswoman who has carefully designed a brand-new website for Savvy Sauce Charities, and we are thrilled with the final product, so I hope you check it out. There you're going to find all of our podcasts, now with show notes and transcriptions listed, a scrapbook of various previous guests, and an easy place to join our email list to receive monthly encouragement and questions to ask your loved ones so that you can have your own practical chats for intentional living. You will also be able to access our donation button or our mailing address for sending checks that are tax-deductible so that you can support the work of Savvy Sauce Charities and help us continue to reach the nations with the good news of Jesus Christ. So, make sure you visit thesavvysauce.com. Well, and even with you sharing how often you're connecting, that requires saying no to some other, probably sometimes good things, too. Are there any practical examples you have, again, of what you and Wyatt have not prioritized in order to give this time and space? Francie Winslow: (42:41 - 45:06) Yeah, I mean, I don't want to put ourselves on a pedestal or sound so radical, but we really try to limit screen time and phones a lot. I would say my husband is very radical with this. He really is never on his phone and makes it a point to not be, and I appreciate that in the way he leads in our family. I feel like I'm doing stuff that needs to be done on my phone, and I can easily get pulled into scrolling, but that's been a big thing we say no to. We just really don't do that in our beds. We don't bring it into our bedrooms. We don't, because we just see that it can easily be like it just pulls us away from each other, and so that's kind of a non-thing, which I think is a big culture shifter that phone is not a part of our marriage or our time in the evenings. And yeah, with a lot of kids, we definitely have to prioritize. We do hotel dates quite frequently, which I can't remember if I've talked to you about or not, but that's been a huge gift in busy seasons of parenting. We scoot away to a local hotel for just a day, not even an overnight. We'll do like a long date, like maybe a four-hour stretch, and what that really gives us in terms of not just quantity, because it's not as much quantity, it's the quality of connection that we found, and being in a hotel room for four hours or so, we really get to let go and focus. And so, I think that that's a big part of it is, oh, it's not just about like checking the box, but it's really letting go together and learning. And those have been some of the hours we've spent together. It's like learning what feels good, learning how to linger with each other, learning how to go slow and not be rushed, learning how to communicate and learning how to care for one another. We'll do like king treatment or queen treatment, where you spend 20 minutes on one person, and then the other person gets 20 minutes, and you take turns, and it's just this exchange of care that doesn't happen in a busy life. But we found that sneaking away to do that every couple of weeks has been a real treat to figure out how to prioritize. But yeah, definitely saying no to... And I mean, the truth is, it doesn't take that long to connect. So, it's not like you have to say no to massive things, but I think it's saying yes to putting your energy towards each other and not spending your energy completely on every other thing except your marriage. Laura Dugger: (45:07 - 45:25) Okay, well said. And maybe somebody's hearing this and they're not there right now. So, regardless of whatever season of marriage they're in, how can they revive a sex life that's been asleep or has become complacent? Francie Winslow: (45:25 - 46:44) Yeah. Well, I think if it's a place where you are desiring and you are the one desiring, I think it's saying, hey, I really desire connection. What would it look like if we tried this again, if we leaned in? And if hopefully there's a sense of, yeah, I miss you too. I miss us too. And if not, it's a space where you can grow in your own understanding of your body, how your body works, and you can continue to learn how your spouse's body works and try to love them even without making a big plan, but just showing up more skills or showing up with more investment at times can communicate, hey, I'm showing up with a little bit more knowledge and I'm enjoying it more. Because I think when you learn a little bit more, you can receive more, you can be more present. And sometimes just working on you and your mindset can have a trickle-down effect. But I think definitely an invitation to say, hey, we're busy and I value you and I value us and I just want more connection. What does that look like? Yeah, I think it definitely takes two. It takes two to really grow, to be honest. And so, I think it can be a place where even that can be a hard conversation that has the potential to unearth, hey, are we too busy? It does require a sense of investment. And sometimes that can require conversations. Laura Dugger: (46:45 - 46:56) Francie, also, you are a wealth of knowledge. You've studied this topic for years; you've brought it before the Lord. So, what can you share with us that you've learned specifically about orgasm? Francie Winslow: (46:57 - 50:30) So, orgasm for anybody who is brand new is simply like a fast contraction of your muscles in your pelvic floor and around the nerve endings that are linked to pleasure sensors in your brain. And so, when those contract really fast, it feels like a whoosh or a powerful punch of pleasure, and it brings tingles and contractions, and it feels great. So, people come to me a lot. They're like, I can't have an orgasm. And so one of the biggest keys to having an orgasm, again, is understanding your body and not expecting your body to work like a man's body, not expecting it to just automatically work by penetration, which is a lot of times what men think is if you just have intercourse, you should have an orgasm. But a woman's body is much more intricate, and she has a clitoral structure kind of hidden behind her external anatomy. So, you can't see it all, all the time. I do have one here. I have other models, but this is a clitoris. And so, this is hidden behind your outside vaginal tissues. And so, but this is all pleasure anatomy. And so, your clitoris has over 10,000 nerve endings and that is over double what a man's penis has. We're maybe afraid to touch our bodies, but this is good in God's design, and it is that the clitoris is stimulated. And so, it can be manually, you can touch it, your husband can touch it. Sometimes before sex, you can have orgasms or even during, definitely during, but that comes with stimulation. And so I think sometimes women think I just, it should happen automatically, but it happens through blood flow to your tissues, to your whole body really, because your whole body becomes kind of alive with pleasure, but the blood flow allows engorgement of all of this tissue, which allows it to feel better and allows it to feel pleasure. And so, a clitoris, a clitoral orgasm is one type of orgasms, but there's lots of types of orgasms that your body can experience with also a female superpower. And it happens when we're able to let go and we're able to actually feel, which comes back to our earlier conversation of being awake in our bodies and aware of sensation and connected to feeling in our body and connected to awareness. And so, orgasm is a beautiful gift from God. There's many types of orgasms. Women can have multiple orgasms. That means can peak over and over and over again, not just once, but the bottom line is when God created, he created male and female, but he created woman last. And it seems like when you look at it metaphorically, that woman is like the exclamation point of beauty and pleasure. She was like the final, yes, she has double the amount of pleasure capacity than a man does. And I think it's because it delights God that women are fully alive in their bodies. And so, I do have a pleasure masterclass on my website because it took me and wound up and afraid of my own body, but this is God's design and he's not afraid or ashamed of our bodies. And the more we understand how God designed our bodies, the more we can really celebrate his design. And to me, that's worshipful. And it's honoring to him as our creator, because he made us wonderfully, right? And the Psalm says that my soul knows well, and it's like this catching up. He made us wonderfully. Do we believe it? And part of is education and understanding that our bodies are good. So, orgasm is a great gift, definitely one worth exploring and learning. Laura Dugger: (50:31 - 50:41) It's so wonderful, Francie. And are there any other practical ways that we can maximize pleasure in our marriage, both for husbands or wives? Francie Winslow: (50:43 - 53:59) Yeah, I think this sounds a little bit silly, but practicing pleasure is a real thing. We often feel like I should just know how to do it. It should just work, but it takes communication and it takes time. And going back to awareness, it takes us being able to understand our bodies. And so, I know the pinners recommend this as well. It might push some people's buttons, but it's exploring your own body. You have to know your body to share it well. It's a really awkward and uncomfortable thing to not know what's down there and then supposed to be giving it away to your husband. That's I think a sin against ourselves, to be honest, because we are essentially violating ourselves if we don't even have connection to ourselves. And then we're trying to give it away and expecting our bodies to express or experience something. We have to be embodied, connected to loving, blessing, and agreeing with the fact that our bodies are good. And that doesn't happen unless we know our bodies. And so, I would say that the pivotal thing for me and many women, and it might make people feel uncomfortable, is you must know your body. You must experience your body. You must believe it's good. And in order to be able to share it genuinely without shame, because shame is the biggest pleasure killer. And shame is straight from hell, straight from the enemy in the garden that they were originally naked and unashamed. And in comes the deceiver and the accuser of God's children. And they suddenly become aware of their nakedness and covered in shame and they start hiding. And so, God has an invitation to us to release shame in our sexuality as we bring our sexuality into his light, into the light of his word, into his presence. And part of that is for me, it was definitely realizing my body is good. So, spending time with your own body, getting to know what feels good for the sake of being able to share it with your husband is a big breakthrough point for a lot of women. And even confronting like, oh, when I'm alone with my body, I actually feel so much shame. Talk to God about that. God, do you feel ashamed of my body? Is it a shame that I'm sitting here with my body? Can I look at my body in the mirror and actually say, thank you, God, for this beautiful body? Can I take a mirror down there and explore my body and have joy rather than shame? And if we can't have joy and if we only have shame, that's okay. That's just an invitation to healing. And so that's what I mean when I say sexuality is also this invitation to healing because shame is so tightly wound around the conversation and shame is the opposite of what Christ died for. He died that we would be free and that it's not this selfish freedom. It's this life-giving freedom where love can really be shared and expressed. So, I would say that the number one thing is that women love and know their bodies and then can share them from that place of sharing a gift that they have actually received first. Because until we receive the gift, it's an awkward thing to try to give it away. And I think our husbands are hopefully wanting and willing to learn too. And so, it can be a joint effort that we learn about our bodies together, that we discover our bodies together, learn how to communicate and learn how to love each other well in a place of joy and care. Because that, I think, is a beautiful space of worship to God. Laura Dugger: (54:01 - 54:43) And just to echo what you said, I think it was Dr. Jennifer Kanzen who shared the same sentiment of women, it's really hard to see your private parts. So, get a handheld mirror and look and see what every part is and be aware on your body. I also want to make sure people aren't hearing what you're not saying. And so, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I don't hear you saying, be selfish and masturbate to take away time from you and your spouse being together. You're saying, learn your body and your parts so that you and or be together with your spouse while you're doing this so that you can both experience greater pleasure. Is that right? Francie Winslow: (54:43 - 56:15) Exactly. But what I'm not saying is satisfy yourself apart from your husband and then don't ever connect. Nobody wants that. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about building sexual intimacy in your marriage and sexual healing in your journey as a woman who wants to be integrated. And so, yeah, I think there could be a whole conversation on this because it can be a hot button. And I'm glad you're willing to go there because we need honesty. We need our daughters to be able to have this sort of conversation with us and not feel like there's things that we just need to do in secret. Because I think anything you feel like I have to have this as a secret, that's also like, ah, like, let's talk about it. And so, what I call self-cultivation is not a secret. And it's something you share with your spouse. And it's something that, hey, I want to get to know my body. And that's actually in my journey. My husband was like, hey, you need to get to know your body. I bless you to like have some alone time because you're so wound up in shame. You don't even know. You can't even feel. And so, it really, it was rooted in our experience as him commissioning me basically to befriend my body. And I think that that's, it's a different paradigm, but I appreciate the many sex therapists who are believers that agree with that menu, that idea of you have to experiment and explore to know how to genuinely articulate what you want rather than just laying there and assuming your husband can read your mind. And so, it's, again, a place of communication and saying, hey, this is where I'm at. Is this okay? What does this look like for us? And this is my desire is intimacy and connection with you. Laura Dugger: (56:16 - 56:41) And I love how you are explaining how you invite the Lord into that process for every person to ask him, what do you have for me? What do you want me to learn? What do you want to reveal to me about sex? And none of us want to miss out on any good gift that he has to offer. So, France, you could continue teaching us and you have so many resources. Can you just share where you would direct us to go online after this chat? Francie Winslow: (56:42 - 57:19) Sure. Yeah. Well, I have several courses and growth guides on my website. So, franciewinslow.com and just spaces. If you wanted to have these conversations with your husband or maybe just wanted to grow on your own. And if you're looking for conversations exactly like we're having today, ongoing, I have a community membership group that we meet monthly on zoom to literally have conversations like this that are so life-giving because we're all on a journey and it's fun to be able to talk about places that we've had barriers and how we're growing. And that's called the circle. So, I have that as well. So, lots of resources and ways to plug in and keep growing. Laura Dugger: (57:20 - 57:36) Wonderful. We'll add the links in the show notes for today's episode. And Francie, you're already familiar that we're called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, as my final question for you today, what is your savvy sauce? Francie Winslow: (57:37 - 58:14) Well, it's not that fancy and it's going to sound extremely simple, but it's take a walk without your phone every day. It's part of that awareness and that coming back home to God who is in us with us all the time. And those simple deep breaths, remembering that we have him in us. And a lot of times it's just that simple reminder of a minute unplugged in God's creation that helps me to kind of come back home to him and recenter to be filled up for all that comes my way. So, I'm a big fan of unplugging. That's so good. Laura Dugger: (58:14 - 58:42) And it's just always such a joy to get to spend time with you. And God has given you these enormous gifts of teaching and this ability to synthesize knowledge from so many places and then make it beneficial and applicable for all of us as it relates to sexual intimacy in view of what God has for us in marriage. So, thank you, Francie, for sharing all this goodness today and thank you for being my returning guest. Francie Winslow: (58:42 - 58:43) Absolutely. Thanks for having me. Laura Dugger: (58:45 - 1:01:59) One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can

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DONT MISS THIS Controversial Sex Questions Answered with Dr Juli Slattery (Episode 284)

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Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2026 58:33

*Disclaimer* This episode contains adult content and is not recommended for young listeners. 284. DON'T MISS THIS! Controversial Sex Questions, Answered with Dr. Juli Slattery 1 Samuel 24:19b NIV “May the Lord reward you well for the way you treated me today.” *Transcription Below* Bio: Instagram Facebook Authentic Intimacy Website Java with Juli Podcast Thank you to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Questions and Topics We Cover: As Christ followers, should we use a friend's preferred names and pronouns? If one part of Scripture talks about turning the other cheek, is that the same as saying God expects you to stay in an abusive marriage? Is it reasonable to assume that once they have a smartphone, 100% of kids will be exposed to pornography? Previous Episodes on Sexual Intimacy on The Savvy Sauce, Including Past Episodes with Dr. Juli Slattery: Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Hope For Treating Pelvic Pain with Tracey LeGrand Treatment for Sexual Issues with Certified Sex Therapist, Emma Schmidt Talking With Your Kids About Sex with Brian and Alison Sutter Natural Aphrodisiacs with Christian Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Douglas Rosenau Healthy Sexuality, Emotional Intelligence, and Parenting Children with Autism with Counselor, Lauren Dack Pain and Joy in Sexual Intimacy with Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Identifying and Fighting Human Trafficking with Dr. Jeff Waibel Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Cuthor, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma Enjoying Parenting and Managing Conversations About Sex with Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen Conflict Resolution, Infidelity, and Infertility with Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Hormones and Body Image with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery Female Orgasm with Sue Goldstein Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, and Treatments Available with Dr. Irwin Goldstein Turn Ons, Turn Offs, and Savoring Sex in Marriage with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Desire Discrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma Answering Listener's Questions About Sex with Kelli Willard Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder Supernatural Restoration Story with Bob and Audrey Meisner Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives with Drs. Scott and Melissa Symington Female Pornography Addiction and Meaningful Recovery with Crystal Renaud Day Building Lasting Relationships with Clarence and Brenda Shuler Healthy Ways for Females to Increase Sexual Enjoyment with Tracey LeGrand Pornography Healing for Spouses with Geremy Keeton Sexual Sin Recovery for You and Your Spouse (Part Two) Personal Development and Sexual Wholeness with Dr. Sibylle Georgianna Our Brain's Role in Sexual Intimacy with Angie Landry Discovering God's Design for Romance with Sharon Jaynes Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas Sex Series: God's Design and Warnings for Sex: An Interview with Mike Novotny Sex Series: Enhancing Female Pleasure and Enjoyment of Sex: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Degler Sex Series Orgasmic Potential, Pleasure, and Friendship: An Interview with Bonny Burns Sex Series: Sex Series: Healthy Self, Healthy Sex: An Interview with Gaye Christmus Sex Series: Higher Sexual Desire Wife: An Interview with J Parker Sex Series: Six Pillars of Intimacy with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo 215 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part One with Dr. Kris Christiansen 216 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part Two with Dr. Kris Christiansen 217 Tween/Teen Females: How to Navigate Changes during Puberty with Dr. Jennifer Degler 218 Secrets of Sex and Marriage: Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma 222 Pornography: Protecting Children and Personal Healing, Victory, and Recovery in Christ with Sam Black Special Patreon Release: Holy Sex: An Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery Special Patreon Release: His Desires and Her Desires in the Bedroom with Dr. Jennifer Konzen 224 Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage: An Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn 252 Maximizing Sexual Connections as Newlyweds to Long Term Marriages and Recovering from a Sexless Marriage with Dr. Cliff & Joyce Penner 260 Sex After Cancer with Dr. Kris Christiansen 277 Breaking Through Addiction in Marriage with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:11 – 0:11) Laura Dugger: (0:11 – 2:21) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. Leman Property Management Company has the apartment you will be able to call home, with over 1,700 apartment units available in Central Illinois. Visit them today at lemanproperties.com or connect with them on Facebook. My returning guest for today is Dr. Juli Slattery. She has authored another book entitled Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything, and we're going to cover a few themes from this book, but I think what you're going to find most helpful are her candid responses to some really tricky questions related to dating and pornography, technology, thought life, shows that we watch as believers, divorce, and just intimacy in general as married couples. So, I think this is an episode that you're going to want to learn from yourself, but you'll also want to share with others because Dr. Juli has offered us such a gift as she directs us back to the heart issues and wisely guides us into sexual integrity in our own lives. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Dr. Juli. Dr. Juli Slattery: (2:21 – 2:21) Thanks so much for having me back. It's always a joy. Laura Dugger: (2:21 – 2:22) Well, I love that you've been a repeat guest many times. So, we get to just dive right in today because I'm going to link all of your previous episodes in the show notes. But to dive in, I'm just curious, as believers, where does your heart break as you see us compromising on God's design for sex? Dr. Juli Slattery: (2:22 – 3:31) Hmm. That's such a good question. You know, I think my heart breaks the most in that when we compromise God's design for sexuality, or even when we don't understand it or understand His goodness, it means that there is a breach in our relationship with God. And so, I am so passionate about what I do, not necessarily because I love talking about sexuality, but because for a lot of people, sexuality represents a wall between them and God, like an issue they can't resolve, or a place of shame that they just can't quite shake free from, or battle with sin that they feel like they're enslaved to. And so, those things mean that there's a limit to how much they invite God into their lives. And so, for me, that's where my heart breaks the most is, you know, ultimately, we were created for the greatest fellowship with God and anything that gets in the way of that is something that God cares about and something that I care about. Laura Dugger: (3:32 – 4:03) You say that well, and you've written many books, but in this most recent one, you plainly state one issue when you write, “You will not be able to obey God with your sexual thoughts, while binging shows and music that continually display the exact opposite.” And I love how practical that is. So, Juli, why do you think this has become so normalized? And I would say, especially in Christian marriages. Dr. Juli Slattery: (4:05 – 5:58) Yeah, you know, I think a lot of it is that the church has been historically really quiet about sexuality, you know, like we might talk about save sex for marriage, and don't cheat on your husband and that sort of thing. But the gray areas about how we think about our sexuality and kind of what we have the liberty and freedom to engage in, there's kind of silence, or maybe there's legalism. And I think in that space, what ends up happening is the culture is so forthright with a message about sexuality, like woven throughout every single show that you could stream on any platform, you know, your music on Spotify, even the news you consume, the Instagram feeds, whatever, it's consistently showing you a way to understand sexuality that is contrary to God's design, and the messaging can be so subtle, or so repetitive that we don't even realize we're ingesting it. And so, it's normal to talk about with your friends, like the latest season of The Bachelor, or, you know, the latest thing that you're streaming that if you really look at it, there's probably 100 references to sexuality that are outside of God's design. And so, we end up just having our mind conformed to this world. And the scripture says really clearly in Romans 12, that we can't offer ourselves to God while we're still thinking like the world thinks that it requires an act of transformation of our thinking. And I don't know that there's anywhere more than we need this than in the topic of understanding our sexuality. Laura Dugger: (6:00 – 6:59) Okay, so for I'm thinking of married couples, because I was recently at a wedding shower. And I love a friend from church. Her name is Dawn Karius. And she was giving the devotional and just sharing. You know, it's very easy to get married and fall into this trap. She was talking about what you watch specifically. And she said, so many couples will watch something together, watch a show before bed, but be really intentional. If that is what you choose to do, then the shows that you're watching, even though you're with your spouse, is that drawing both of you closer to Christ? Because if it's pulling you further away from Christ, it's also pulling you away from one another. And so, with all of that, and with what you've studied and written about, if a couple's hearing that and or some single person just hearing this, what would be your practical advice or encouragement for them? Dr. Juli Slattery: (7:00 – 9:29) Yeah, some of it is, we can't live in a bubble. You know, it's, I think that there are some couples will have the conviction that, you know, we're just going to get rid of all of our devices, we're going to get rid of every streaming service. And there's nothing wrong with that decision, you might feel convicted to do that. But for most couples, I would say, they're like, okay, we live in this world, we need to understand even the world we live in. And so, it's not like we're going to completely be cut off. But are we being discerning about what we consume? And what are the standards that we might hit where we might just say, “You know what, we don't need to be watching this.” You know, like I can think of one show in particularly that my husband and I were watching. And it was a well-written show. It was exciting. But there was just so much profanity and just gross kind of sexual content that after two or three episodes, we're both just like, “You know what, as good as the show is, we just, this isn't, we're not watching this. Like we need to stop.” And I think you need to have those discussions and you might have a different level of conviction than your spouse does. And that's okay, but at least have those conversations and you need to follow your conviction. But then the other thing I would say that is equally important, if not more important, what are you consuming that helps you get God's perspective of sexuality? And what I've found is that a whole lot of Christian married couples know very little about what it looks like to build a healthy sex life in their marriage. And they're not consuming anything that helps them know how to love each other better, how to overcome differences, even how their bodies work, how to focus on one another and enjoy sex in a holy erotic way. And so, even if you're watching and consuming very little content from the world, but you're not actively pursuing anything that gives you a biblical perspective, you're still going to end up defaulting to what the world says. And so, I think that again, it's equally as important or not, if not more important to be pursuing what's true and what's right and what's good. Laura Dugger: (9:31 – 9:53) I love that, how you flipped it. And that discernment piece is huge because we don't want to be desensitized to then that we're consuming and we also want to feed on the good. So, I think it even leads to a broader question, again, as Christ followers, how can we recognize if our conscience is being pricked? Dr. Juli Slattery: (9:54 – 12:05) Yeah, we can start by asking the Lord. You know, I mean, I think it's in, is it Psalm 139, where, you know, David is basically saying, “Search me, oh God, and know my thoughts, you know, show me if there's any offensive way within me.” I think that's a beautiful prayer as an individual and as a couple, like God, we want to honor you with what we consume in media, with what we think about, would you guide us and would you show us? And then I think we all have that experience of watching something or listening to something or reading something where we're like, “Uh, I don't know, like, this is sort of a gray area. Like, I'm uncomfortable here. I probably shouldn't be watching this.” Or “Wow, that's really, that's really in your face. Like that's really graphic.” And it's heeding the Holy Spirit when you get those prompts, instead of just pushing through and being like, “Ah, it's not that big of a deal. It's not going to affect me.” Like when you feel that sense of prompting, you respond to it and you say, “All right, I'm going to put this down. I'm going to shut this off.” And, um, you know, the scripture says that we can become callous to those promptings of the Holy Spirit if we are in a habit of just running right through that. But we become more sensitive to the Holy Spirit when we yield and when we obey. Um, and so, I think even just keeping track, you know, every day or every week, like where were the times regarding this or anything else that I really felt convicted by the Holy Spirit about maybe something I said about a friend, uh, or about a little white lie I told, you know, where were the times where I really felt the Holy Spirit nudging me and what did I do? Um, where do I need to confess that I didn't respond well? And where do I need to celebrate that? Yes, I listened, I obeyed, I yielded. Um, and so, I think that's a practice we get into of either ignoring that conviction or really yielding to it. Laura Dugger: (12:06 – 12:28) Hmm. And that gets after the heart issue, which Jesus is so concerned about our heart. And that's a very softened heart approach. Yes. I hope we can have. And as it relates to sexual integrity, then what are some other ways that we need to be on guard so that we're careful not to be misled? Dr. Juli Slattery: (12:29 – 13:37) Yeah, boy, I think there's just so much conversation. Um, again, even in Christian circles, sometimes around having a negative attitude towards sex, um, kind of accepting some forms of pornography as normal and even good, you know, husband bashing, wife bashing, you know, like complaining, kind of letting the thought feed in your mind of maybe I should have married somebody else. Maybe that my life would be easier if I, I weren't married to this person. I wish they were this or that. So, sort of that discontent that is natural to feel in marriage. But the question is, what do you do with it? Do you give it space to grow and to nurture, or do you bring that before the Lord? Um, so, I think those are some of the ways that we want to look at, like, how am I giving the enemy space in my life and in my marriage versus how am I inviting God to really reclaim what's broken here? Laura Dugger: (13:38 – 14:01) Well, and then even thinking of the other side to guard ourselves from having a critical and judgmental spirit toward others or just having self-righteous pride. Can you educate us on some common reasons why some people may be predisposed to struggle with some certain sexual sins? Dr. Juli Slattery: (14:02 – 17:20) Yeah, absolutely. I think that's so important, um, because the research really shows that some of us are more, I don't know if I'd say it that way, but we are going to be more predetermined maybe to struggle with things like pornography or same-sex attraction, or even hooking up. And it's never like a one plus one equals two exactly. But there are what we might say indicators or risk factors that make you more vulnerable to those kinds of sexual struggles. And some of them might be unhealthy family dynamics growing up, you know, none of us had a perfect family, but let's say you grew up in a family where one of your parents was like overtly critical towards you all the time. Maybe you went through a divorce with your parents where, um, you know, at a certain age, you just, your family fell apart and you're kind of looking for that stability and love. People who have experienced sexual trauma in childhood or the teen years are going to be more pre-dispositioned to want to understand that or act that out. People who might struggle with anxiety. And, you know, some of it is we got to understand that sex, because it elicits dopamine in our brain and oxytocin and endorphins, which are all really feel good kind of experiences and hormones and neurotransmitters. When we had a sexual experience at a young age, our brain can learn, “Oh, this is how I deal with stress. This is how I deal with depression. This is how I deal with loneliness.” So, a lot of times when you talk to somebody who has an ongoing struggle with a sexual temptation or sin, it's because they've learned as a pattern from maybe the time they were 10 years old or 12 years old or 15 years old, that this is how I dealt with the stress in my family. This is how I dealt with when my father died. This is how I dealt with when I was sexually abused. Like this was the way that I found to self-regulate and to self-medicate and to find comfort. And that can be masturbation. It can be pornography or again, you know, acting out sexually. And so, for people who have that kind of story, and this might be your spouse, or this might be against somebody that you're looking at and judging to just say, “You need to stop that behavior,” is often not going to be enough. They need to do the work of really looking at what am I using sex for? What are the wounds that I'm using sex to cover up? And how do I actually get the healing I need and find healthier and safer ways for me to cope with negative emotions? And that's why groups are really important for people who have sexual struggles. Counseling is really important. And again, that long journey of healing and freedom, not just a one-time decision that I'm going to try to never do this again. Laura Dugger: (17:21 – 20:19) Love that word freedom, even because that hope is available. And just pointing out how you said this is not deterministic. That's not what we're saying is if you experience something, you will act out sexually. But I agree with you that it is fascinating and helpful to hear the correlation of certain things that happen, especially in childhood, and how that plays out long-term. And I am blanking on which guest it was on The Savvy Sauce, but somebody was enlightening me. I think it was for females that if they were sexually abused, typically before a certain age, then they were more likely to struggle in marriage with wanting to completely avoid sex. But then if it was after a certain age, that it was completely opposite where they maybe used sex to medicate, or they were very aggressive and even would act out, let's say in single years, that they would sleep around with a bunch of partners if they had been wounded. And so, I just think it just, it helps us to not be judgmental of one another. We don't know the full story. Dr. Juli Slattery: (20:20 – 21:09) Yes. Yeah. There's always more there than we usually realize at first. And, you know, this plays out a lot in marriage because there are a lot of women who are married to guys who are addicted to pornography. And that's a deeply painful dynamic. That's really hard. But to understand that your husband didn't want to have this struggle, often doesn't know how to get out of it, you know, gives you compassion. It doesn't mean that you look the other way, you need to get help, and you need to insist on getting help. But it does give you empathy and compassion that there's something underlying this and feeding it. It's not just, “Oh, I think I'm going to, you know, look at porn and hurt my wife again,” that there's always a deeper dynamic at work. Laura Dugger: (21:10 – 21:50) Absolutely. And even an example from your book, I'll just read a quote where you said, “I spoke with a man who runs a sexual addiction program. He told me he had never met someone with sexual addiction, who did not also have significant sexual or psychological trauma in their past.” And I think it goes along with what we're saying. But if we also then flip it and look at more of the positive side, how can we rightly prioritize connection and intimacy in marriage as God intended? Dr. Juli Slattery: (21:53 – 24:24) I think first of all, we need to be convinced that this is worth it. You know, when we look at everything there is to do in life, there's so many worthy demands on our time. You know, from I want my house to look nice, and we need to make friends and we need to be an outreach to our community. And our kids are taking a lot of time and they should, and they've got all their activities and our church needs our help. Like when do you have time to do all this? And then, oh yeah, prioritize your marriage. And I think we have to become convinced that if we're not working on our marriage, and specifically if we're not working on the sexual connection in marriage, then all those other things have the potential to fall apart. That the way I've learned it over time is that sex is never going to be a neutral issue in your marriage. It's either going to be something that is bonding you together and causing you to work on the deeper levels of intimacy, even as you talk through sexual difficulties, or it's going to be something not immediately, but over time, that becomes a wedge between you. It might start as a wedge of resentment of my needs aren't getting met, or I feel like you're objectifying me or you're putting pressure on me. Or it might be a deeper wedge of a pornography addiction or something that's not being addressed. Or I don't trust my husband because of my trauma. And those things don't just stay dormant. The wedge becomes bigger and bigger and bigger until you get to the place where now you're not comfortable being in the same room anymore and you feel like roommates. And then now one of you is attracted to somebody else and the story plays on. And there are very wonderful godly men and women who have gotten married with every purpose to stay together. But a wedge like this has grown over time to the point where they're now thinking about divorce or one of them has cheated on the other. And so, we have to be convinced that honoring God in our lives means prioritizing our marriage, and it means working on this intimate aspect of our marriage so that we can be a stable foundation for our families and our churches and our communities. Laura Dugger: (24:26 – 24:39) And so, if we're getting as practical as possible, what are the best practices that you've seen in married couples who are happily married? How have you experienced that? Dr. Juli Slattery: (24:40 – 28:04) Yeah. I'll put it in kind of like a cliche sort of way because I think sometimes that's catchy. Number one, I would say they're couples who will resist the drift, who will repair the rift, and who will adjust to the shift. So, I can kind of break that down a little bit. But you know, the first thing is resisting the drift of you can go weeks without meaningfully connecting with your spouse. And I don't just mean sexually, but I mean like eye to eye, you know, just loving touch, just connecting to their hearts. And so, couples who know how to resist that drift, like they have regular times built into their calendar where this is where we connect every day. Like even for 10 minutes, this is where we hold each other's hands, we look at each other in the eye, we really connect with what's in your heart, how are you? And they have regular rhythms of once a week or once every other week, we're going to go out and do something fun together, just the two of us. We've worked through what sex looks like in this season. Like how many times do we want to have sex? Are we scheduling that? How are we making sure that's a priority? And so, that's the resisting the drift. And the second one is repairing the rift. And at every marriage, there are going to be things that tear you apart. And sometimes those things might be sexual in nature, like a temptation, an emotional affair, pornography use, sometimes it's going to be something else where you have a deep disagreement that you can't resolve on your own. And you need to be courageous enough to reach out for help and say, like, if we don't get help, if we don't address this issue, like it's going to become something that tears us apart. Any couple that you meet who is happily married for like 30 years or more, they can tell you a story of when they had a rift, and the kind of help that really address that. And then I think the third thing is adjusting to the shift. And in even the normal stages of marriage, there are shifts that happen. Like, you know, I'm in the stage right now where me and the people my age are going through biological changes with menopause and with aging. And, you know, some people are going through becoming grandparents and retirement. And there's all these shifts that are happening even naturally. There's other couples that are younger who are going through the shift of pregnancy and battling infertility. And some people are going through cancer. And there are things that happen that require you to shift your expectations. And to not just wish that it is like it used to be. But this is the marriage we have now. Here are the circumstances we have now. Here are the bodies we have now. How do we learn to love each other and embrace this season, given the changes that we're experiencing? And so, I think that's a framework that I've seen healthy couples navigate over time that really fosters intimacy. Laura Dugger: (28:05 – 29:29) That is incredible. I love how you put that. And I've shared with you before that my background is in Christian sex therapy. So, sex is a topic that does come up a lot and people feel comfortable sharing or asking questions. So, just in regular conversation, I want to recap two conversations that kind of show stances on both ends of the spectrum. And I'd love to hear your wisdom on how to respond to each one. So, first, there was a Christian married woman with children, and she was teaching younger women to say yes to every single sexual advance from their husband. And she said, “If your husband has the higher drive, and he wants to have sex twice a day, then consider yourself lucky. And don't ever say no, because your body is not your own.” Yeah, it's hard to recap. So, this is not my perspective. So, sharing both ends. So, that was one person. And then on the other end, I've heard a woman tell me, “You know, I just didn't feel like having sex for about a year and a half after we had our baby. So, I just told my husband, you're going to have to wait.” So, loaded question, but Dr. Juli, how would you respond to each of those? Dr. Juli Slattery: (29:29 – 32:31) Well, Laura, I feel like you probably would have just as good of response as I would to those. Yeah, I like that you're presenting those as two extremes, because they are two extremes. And I think both extremes kind of miss the heart. We want to be able to say yes to sex and intimacy. And being able to say yes means also being able to say no. In that first situation, essentially, what is going to end up happening is that that wife is going to start feeling like my husband wants me for sex. And I don't have the capacity to enjoy it twice a day. I'm starting to feel like an object or used. And the husband is never going to learn that covenant love requires self-denial. And at every level, you know, what did, what did Paul say to husbands in Ephesians 5, like love your wife as you love your own body and be willing to lay down your, your life for your wife. And that means being sensitive to the fact that she doesn't have the same sexual appetite as you do. She doesn't have the same biology you do, that it actually can be physically painful, emotionally traumatic for a wife to have sex when she's not physically ready. Really, that couple is not working on intimacy. They're, they're kind of reinforcing a pattern that sex is about the husband getting his needs and desires met only through the wife without considering her. And that might work for short term, but that's not building intimacy in the long term. And it's not teaching either of them. And that wife needs to learn her own sexual desires and patterns and be able to communicate those to her husband. So, that's what I would say in that first one. And the second one, essentially, you have a wife kind of having that more selfish perspective of, I only have sex when I want it and on my terms, instead of considering the husband. And, you know, how do I focus on him? How do I work on experiencing sexual desire? How do I foster that? Because it's important for my husband, it's important for our marriage. And I don't want to be selfish. And so, I think both of those situations are kind of approaching sex where one person gets to be selfish, and the other person has to sacrifice. That's ministry, that's not intimacy. And so, we really want to be at a place where both of us, the higher desire one and the lower desire one, are learning what does it look like to really love well, to love sacrificially and to communicate the ways that I feel loved. I don't know, what would you add to that or change? Laura Dugger: (32:31 – 33:11) That's why I asked you, you said that beautifully, better than I could have responded. And again, you're getting back to the heart of it and pointing us back to Jesus with each answer. And, you know, commonly people do struggle with having a safe place where they can ask candid questions about sex. So, I am going to throw some more at you. And some of these are ones that you wrote about. But just to give us a little taste, even of the book, or if somebody has a burning question like this, I'd love your healthy response. So, how do you respond when people ask, “How far is too far to go in a dating relationship?” Dr. Juli Slattery: (33:14 – 36:32) Yeah, I think people are looking for a line, you know, like, as long as I don't cross this line, are we good? And of course, I think their traditional line would be as long as you're not having intercourse. But I think that misses the larger context of the purpose of sex. I've had to be convicted of this in my own life. And we talked very early in our conversation about how we've just sort of ingested messages from the culture. And the culture says that healthy sexuality is an expression of how I feel, right? So, so if I feel safe with you, if I feel romantically connected to you, if I feel sexually attracted to you, then it would be healthy for me to engage sexually with you. And then Christians would come and say, yes, but as long as you don't cross this line. So, that's sort of the narrative that I think a lot of us have heard in the church. But if we look at, from a biblical perspective, God did not design sex to be an expression of how I feel. Okay, let that sink in for a minute. God did not design sex to be an expression of how I feel. He designed it to be a seal and a celebration of covenant, of the choice that a man and a woman make to covenant their lives to one another. And for them to say, just like I give you my whole life, I promise faithfulness to you. I promise that we are becoming one as a family. We have now a physical way to symbolize that in becoming one with our bodies. And so, even if I feel romantically attached to somebody I'm not married to, I don't act on that. Or even if I don't feel romantically attached to my husband, we work on our sex life because we're in covenant. And so, when you begin to understand sex from that standpoint, you answer that question differently of how far can I go? Why are you sharing your body with another person when you haven't shared your life with them? And, you know, I think that the standard is not legalistic, but the heart of the question is a lot, that's a harder question. You know, like it says, and I think 2 Thessalonians or 1 Thessalonians, you know, Paul says, the will of God is that you do not engage in sexual immorality. Don't take advantage of a brother or sister. And how many times in dating relationships do you look back and you're like, “Wow, I gave too much of myself to that person or I took too much of myself from that person. Like we engaged in things that now we're broken apart. Like I wish I could take back.” And so, what does it look like to honor each other? What does it look like to honor the Lord? So, I think those kinds of questions help you get to the heart of how do we steward dating relationships a lot better than looking for a line we're not supposed to cross. Laura Dugger: (36:33 – 37:31) When was the first time you listened to an episode of The Savvy Sauce? How did you hear about our podcast? Did a friend share it with you? Will you be willing to be that friend now and text five other friends or post on your socials anything about The Savvy Sauce that you love? If you share your favorite episodes, that is how we continue to expand our reach and get the good news of Jesus Christ in more ears across the world. So, we need your help. Another way to help us grow is to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Each of these suggestions will cost you less than a minute, but it will be a great benefit to us. Thank you so much for being willing to be generous with your time and share. We appreciate you. As Christ followers, should we use a friend's preferred names and pronouns? So, how would you respond to that? Dr. Juli Slattery: (37:32 – 39:20) Boy, this is a hot topic. There are people who have really strong opinions on this. You're saying, do I use a friend's preferred names and pronouns? And I think the fact that you have a friendship means that you can have a deeper conversation about the meaning of the names and pronouns. And I think that deeper conversation needs to happen. Because, you know, ultimately we don't like, we don't want to just say, “Oh yeah, whatever you want to call yourself is fine with me. Truth doesn't matter.” But on the other hand, we really want to get to the spiritual issue underneath this. And there's a, there's a big difference between somebody who doesn't know the Lord, doesn't know where you stand on any of this, and somebody that you can engage in a conversation with and seek wisdom on. I think there, there's probably more latitude to use somebody's preferred name than pronouns. And I think in friendships, sometimes you can work that through and just say, you know, “Hey, I love you. I understand where you're coming from. I'm going to try my best to use the name that you're asking. But the pronoun is something that I'm not comfortable with. And here's why. And just like I'm, I want to understand where you are. I hope that you would have grace and understand where I am.” So, in a friendship, you're able to have those kinds of conversations. Whereas if it's a coworker or it's a stranger or a neighbor, sometimes we can't have that level of conversation. And so, I, we might choose to handle the situation a little differently. Laura Dugger: (39:21 – 39:36) That's good. A hundred percent truth, a hundred percent love or kindness. And what if somebody asks, how much attention should we be giving these secondary issues as believers? Dr. Juli Slattery: (39:39 – 41:03) Boy, I, I think first of all, the secondary issues come out of the primary issues. So, the primary issue, and you know, the issue I wrote Surrendered Sexuality is about is if my life belongs to the Lord, then my whole life needs to belong to Him, including how I think about cultural issues, including how I treat my neighbor. And so, I don't see them as secondary issues. I see them as an outgrowth of the primary issue. I think when they become secondary issues are when we argue with other believers about it and it becomes the most important thing. Like I put you in a category based on, will you use preferred names and pronouns? And then I think we're missing what God calls us to. The primary issue is that we want to honor God and we want to love each other. And so, let's keep going back to that primary issue. How do I love my neighbor well? How do I honor God's truth well? How do I pursue unity within the body of Christ well, as we're navigating some of these secondary issues? So, you know, like if we're going back to the primary issue, it means that we have to talk about the secondary issues, but we talk about them in light of what's primary. Laura Dugger: (41:04 – 41:17) I like that. And I just have three more of these kind of tricky questions. So, another one, does pornography addiction qualify as reasons for a biblical divorce? Dr. Juli Slattery: (41:20 – 42:50) I would say, first of all, technically, if we look at the word for sexual immorality in the scripture, which is porneia, we would say, yeah, you know, pornography does qualify for that. But for the person who's asking this, maybe the woman who's asking this, I would say, why do you want to get out of the marriage? And what Jesus said is Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of your heart. And I think a more important question is where's your heart and where's your husband's heart? Because I've seen people with pornography addictions who have really open hearts towards healing, and they're willing to get the help that they need. They're repentant. They're willing to do the work. They're willing to go through even a time of separation to show that they're serious about that work. And then there are people who have very hard hearts of, “This is who I am. I might go through the motions, but I'm really not interested in change.” And so, I think the pornography addiction is less the issue than the posture of the person's heart and their willingness to work. And if your spouse is willing to work, then I think it's on us to have soft hearts too, and to be open to the work that God can do. Laura Dugger: (42:51 – 43:34) That's good because saying you have to zoom out and see more of the story in that stance, because that's very different. Somebody who's working on it and hates the struggle and is wanting to break free versus being married to a narcissist who is abusing you and treating you in a certain way and addicted to pornography. So, you point out well that all of these questions have more to them. Okay. So, two more, if a spouse has had an emotional affair in the past with a coworker, but they still work with this person, what is the wise thing to do and how should they handle it if their spouse is uncomfortable with them still working there? Dr. Juli Slattery: (43:36 – 44:33) Yeah, boy, that's something that I would want to seek counseling on. You and your spouse really need to get with a counselor and talk that through. The generic advice in that situation would be to get a different job, to not have that relationship still a temptation or available. But there are sometimes very extenuating circumstances where that's not a possibility, or at least for now, that's not a possibility. And so, I would really encourage you to meet with a third party to sort through the details of your particular situation. Because it could be that your spouse isn't willing to take that hard step of cutting off that relationship, or it could be that they're willing, but again, there's extenuating circumstances. And I would really want a wise person who is engaging with you to help you navigate that. Laura Dugger: (44:34 – 44:44) But I love that, how you highlight that something to look for though, is that you would hope your spouse would be willing to make that right, especially if they were the offending. Dr. Juli Slattery: (44:46 – 44:46) Okay. Laura Dugger: (44:47 – 45:00) And then also, Juli, because scripture does talk about turning the other cheek, does that mean it's the same as saying God expects you to stay in an abusive marriage? Dr. Juli Slattery: (45:02 – 47:41) Absolutely not. If you were in an abusive marriage, you are not doing your spouse any good. You are allowing your spouse to be in a place where they're destroying their own life and they're destroying the people that they love. Now you say, okay, where biblically do we see this? We see that Jesus, he says in John, he says, “I laid down my life for my sheep. I lay it down willingly. No one has the authority to take it from me. I have the authority to lay it down and I have the authority to take it up again.” And we see Him living that out with religious leaders who were after Him all the time, who wanted to stone Him, who were accusing Him of things. It says over and over again that Jesus escaped from them. He just got out of there until it was time that the Father said, now is the time for you to give yourself for the world. So, we take that principle and we say, Jesus was not abused. Jesus did not let Himself be abused. He gave Himself as a lamb to the slaughter as a sacrifice for the Father and for the world. But that's very different. Up until that time, we see Him have great boundaries. We see Him not get, it even says He didn't entrust Himself to man because He knew what was in their hearts. I mean, He had boundaries with people that could have hurt Him. And I also love when we see this in the story of King David and Saul, when Saul is chasing David, Saul is abusive, right? He wants to kill David. And so, David escapes. And there's a situation where David has the power or the opportunity to kill Saul and he doesn't do it. And then Saul just is struck by his conscience, and he comes back to David. He goes, “You're a better man than I am. I'm so sorry. You know, come back with me and I'll treat you well.” And even though David doesn't take revenge, he doesn't go back with Saul. He's still, he's like, “You go your way. I'll go my way. I'm going to let the Lord judge between us.” And I think that's a great model. If you're in any kind of abusive relationship, you don't take revenge, but you also don't stay in that situation. You go your way, let them go their way, and you let God judge between you. And I think we see that over and over again in scripture. Laura Dugger: (47:42 – 48:19) I think that is so well said. And it reminds me of a somewhat recent conversation in 2025 with Stacey Womack who's saying with domestic violence, really the way God would see it is child abuse. And that kind of helps our paradigm because we are His child. And she elaborates on that. So, I said that that was the last one, but I actually thought of one more as it relates to our children. So, is it reasonable to assume that once a child has a smartphone, 100% of them will be exposed to pornography? Dr. Juli Slattery: (48:21 – 49:15) Yeah, it is. And I would say not just once they have a smartphone, because I know with one of my kids, we delayed the smartphone decision, but he had a learning disability that required him to have an iPad for school. And somehow, even though we locked down all the apps, somehow he's able to access it through that. Or it can be a gaming system, or it can be a friend's phone. And so, having a smartphone or device like that certainly makes it more probable. But you know, like our kids are surrounded by screens and technology, not just what's in our home, but in other people's homes and at school. And so, I think it's safe to assume, unfortunately, that yes, 100% of our kids are going to be exposed to pornography, probably by the time they're 13 or 14. Laura Dugger: (49:16 – 49:31) And sadly, some much younger than that. But even if there's parental controls, or filters put on, it is just something on my heart that we have to be so vigilant against. Dr. Juli Slattery: (49:32 – 50:12) Yeah, no, I felt like when, you know, I have three boys, and when they were all three kind of in those teen years, I felt like I was trying to plug holes in a boat, and there'd be new ones popping up all the time. Whether it's like apps, or you know, things that you think are completely safe. Somehow, pornography can get through. And our kids are smart, like they know the workarounds to the parental things. And that's why we just need to have conversation after conversation, just discipling them, not just protecting them from pornography, but discipling them through what they're inevitably going to be exposed to. Laura Dugger: (50:13 – 51:05) That's a great point that not just being reactive, but proactive. I think why I have such a heart for this is because practicing and doing therapy and having so many people come in those wounds, that if that addiction gets a stronghold, and that pornography use, it just can wreak havoc in people long term. And so, if we can do that hard work of discipling early on, it is such a blessing to our children, to the generation. So, I'm just so grateful for your candid responses. And I think it's also a helpful reminder just to never take on a burden that was never meant for us to carry. So, are there any ways that God has taught you to not try and do His business? Dr. Juli Slattery: (51:07 – 52:16) Yeah. Boy, that's such a great question. I've had to come to the conclusion that I can't convince anyone of right and wrong. You know, like, I can't convince anyone that pornography is wrong, or gay marriage is wrong, or you know, like, that's not my job. My job is to walk with the Lord with integrity and faithfulness and to testify as to who He is. And so much of this work, whether we're talking about marriage or our friends or our children, so much of this work has to be the Lord's work. And you reach a stage with your kids when they hit those teen years, where you realize the things my kids most need, I can't give them. I can't give them a relationship with God. I can't give them the desire to follow and seek the Lord. Like, I can model that for them. I can encourage them. But that is between them and the Lord. And if I try to control that, I'm just getting in the way of the work that God wants to do in their lives. Laura Dugger: (52:18 – 52:33) Goodness, I will need to write that down and reflect on that. That is so good, Juli. And there's still so much more that you could share with us. So, where is your preferred place that we can go online and continue learning from you? Dr. Juli Slattery: (52:34 – 52:48) Yeah, I would say two places. Number one, our website is authenticintimacy.com. And the second one is the podcast that I do called Java with Juli. It goes along with The Savvy Sauce, you know, like they kind of go together. Laura Dugger: (52:49 – 53:11) Yes, absolutely. We will certainly link to all of that in the show notes for today's episode. And you're familiar, I've asked you many times before, because we are called savvy, because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge or discernment. So, as my final question for you today, Dr. Juli, what is your savvy sauce? Dr. Juli Slattery: (53:13 – 53:58) Oh, I don't even remember how I answered this the last few times. I think I may have said this before, but I think reading the dead old guys is one of my savvy sauce, like reading people who didn't live in this generation who loved the Lord. And learning from them is just, that's probably taught me more discernment than anything, because they just cut right through the cultural noise that I think sometimes can blind us. And they really help me see my heart for what it is and help me really want to pursue God at a deeper level. Laura Dugger: (53:59 – 54:03) Wow. Any specific recommendations that have been personal favorites there? Dr. Juli Slattery: (54:04 – 54:22) Yeah, I love A.W. Tozer. I love many of Andrew Murray's books, particularly Humility and Absolute Surrender. And C.S. Lewis is another great one, Mere Christianity. So, those are some that I would recommend you start with. Laura Dugger: (54:23 – 54:44) That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. And Juli, it's just always such a delight to get to share an hour of conversation with you. And you are just this beautiful mixture of bold and gentle and humble, all combined into one. So, thank you for being my returning guest today. Dr. Juli Slattery: (54:44 – 54:49) Oh, thank you. And it's such a pleasure to be with you. Thanks for your great questions. Laura Dugger: (54:51 – 58:33) One more thing before you go, have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you, but it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death, and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior, but God loved us so much. He made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life. We could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished. If we choose to receive what he has done for us, Romans 10:9 says, “that if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” So, you pray with me now. Heavenly father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you. Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life? We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me. So, me for him, you get the opportunity to live your life for him. And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So, you're ready to get started. First, tell someone, say it out loud, get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes and Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. You can start by reading the book of John. Also get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you. We want to celebrate with you too. So, feel free to leave a comment for us here. If you did make a decision to follow Christ, we also have show notes included where you can read scripture that describes this process. And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “in the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today. And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

Episode 253: Kissing More in Your Marriage

Sex Chat for Christian Wives

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 12, 2026 31:01

Francie Winslow, of Female by Design, joins us today to talk about why and how you should prioritize kissing in your marriage. Special Request Regent University's Cherish research team invites married adult women to take part in an important study on women's thoughts and feelings around their sexual experience. Participation involves completing a confidential 20-minute online survey. Your privacy will be fully respected and you may choose to opt out at any point; if you choose to participate, more information will be given with regard to informed consent. Your responses will help shed light on an area of women's health that is often underrepresented in research. By joining, you will be contributing to meaningful insights that can improve awareness, resources, and future care for women. Your voice matters, and your voluntary participation can make a real difference. Click or scan below. Please contact abigwi3@regent.edu if you have any questions. Take the 20-minute survey by clicking HERE or scanning below. Sponsor Our Sexual Desire Differences masterclass guides you through what a desire difference looks like in marriage, why it happens, and how to navigate it with grace, understanding, and practical tools. All for only $25! Buy the masterclass or learn more HERE. From the Bible Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. Song of Songs 1:2 Greet one another with a holy kiss. 2 Corinthians 13:12 Resources Francie Winslow's website Female by Design Podcast — Francie Winslow Why Kissing Matters in Marriage - Hot, Holy & Humorous Kissing in marital and cohabiting relationships: Effects on blood lipids, stress, and relationship satisfaction. An Introduction to Emotional Bids and Trust - The Gottman Institute Episode 243: Sex Is For You Too, Two Intentional Intimacy: Kissing in the Kitchen episode - Female by Design Thanks for joining us at the virtual kitchen table for another great chat! We'd love for you to join our inner circle by supporting us on Patreon. You can contribute to our wonderful ministry while getting some fun perks for yourself! Check it out here: https://patreon.com/ForChristianWives If you want to contribute without using Patreon, you can donate here. If you could, leave a rating and/or review so that others can find the show. Please also check out our website and webinars at forchristianwives.com. And visit our individual ministry pages for more resources as well: Strong Wives - Bonny Burns Honeycomb & Spice - Chris Taylor Hot, Holy & Humorous - J. Parker

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Best of SMR: Reclaiming Women’s Sexuality | Francie Winslow #761

Sexy Marriage Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 31, 2025 28:10

In this Best of SMR conversation, Francie Winslow shares her transformative journey from the constraints of purity culture to embracing a vibrant and fulfilling sexual life within marriage. She discusses the importance of understanding sexuality as a divine gift, the need for education and growth in sexual intimacy, and the detrimental effects of silence and shame surrounding women's sexuality. We also talk about the historical context that has shaped women's views on their bodies and sexuality, advocating for a shift towards embracing the beauty and joy of sexual expression as part of God's design. The conversation highlights the significance of vulnerability and open communication in fostering healthy sexual relationships. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … In this XTD conversation, Francie and I explore the sacredness of sexuality, the importance of community and education in sexual wholeness, and the need for healing in sexual relationships. We discuss personal experiences that shaped their understanding of sexuality, the role of husbands in nurturing intimacy, and the necessity of bringing light to often taboo conversations about sex. . Sponsors … Cure Hydration: Get 20% off your first order! Stay hydrated and feel your best by visiting https://curehydration.com/passion and using promo code passion at checkout. Alloy: Get your Alloy prescription today. Visit https://myalloy.com/PASSION today for $20 off your first order! #agegracefully Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post Best of SMR: Reclaiming Women's Sexuality | Francie Winslow #761 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

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269_Questions for More Connection and Laughter in Marriage with Casey and Meygan Caston

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 15, 2025 57:34

269. Questions for More Connection and Laughter in Marriage with Casey and Meygan Caston *Disclaimer* This episode contains some mature themes and listener discretion is advised. 2 Corinthians 1:4 NIRV "He comforts us in all our troubles. Now we can comfort others when they are in trouble. We ourselves receive comfort from God." *Transcript Below* Questions and Topics We Cover: Will you share three of the questions from your most recent book, specifically the ones people have told you unlocked the best conversations in their own marriage? You say you're an unlikely couple to help support marriages. Will you share a glimpse of your own backstory? What are a handful of ideas for ways couples can strengthen their connection with one another? Casey and Meygan Caston are the Co-Founders of Marriage365. Casey and Meygan were perfect examples of what not to do in marriage. Three years into marriage, they found themselves having racked up more than $250,000 in debt, fighting constantly, and were ready to call it quits. Despite the 12 failed marriages between their parents, they knew this wasn't the legacy they wanted for themselves or their children. They began reading and educating themselves on how to do marriage the right way. The result of their journey is Marriage365, where they millions of people worldwide through their books, social media, retreats, and their online streaming service, Marriage365. Marriage 365 Website Marriage 365 App Marriage 365 Books Marriage 365 Coaching Thank You to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage Sample of Previous Episodes on Sexual Intimacy on The Savvy Sauce: 4 Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life With Your Spouse With Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen 5 Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau 6 Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma 89 Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery 108 Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder 135 Healthy Ways for Females to Increase Sexual Enjoyment with Tracey LeGrand 155 Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 156 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 158 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta 165 Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas 186 Sex Series: Enhancing Female Pleasure and Enjoyment of Sex: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Degler 218 Secrets of Sex and Marriage: An Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Special Patreon Release: Protecting Your Marriage Against Unfaithfulness with Dave Carder 252 Maximizing Sexual Connection as Newlyweds to Long Term Marriages and Recovering from a Sexless Marriage with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook, Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcript* Music: (0:00 – 0:11) Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:15) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. I'm thrilled to introduce you to our sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Their weekend marriage retreats will strengthen your marriage while you enjoy the gorgeous setting, delicious food, and quality time with your spouse. To find out more, visit them online at winshapemarriage.org. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Casey and Meygan. Casey Caston: Thanks for having us. Excited to be here. Laura Dugger: So, thrilled to have both of you, and let's just dive right into one of your sweet spots. How can open-ended questions change a marriage? Casey Caston: (1:16 - 2:33) Yeah, well, if you think about when we first met somebody that we fell in love with, fell attracted to that first date, as you're sitting across the table, you are looking at that person with so much curiosity. Like, who is this person? What are their hopes and their dreams and their life experiences? What are they afraid of? Where are they going in life? And that curiosity drove us to ask really good open-ended questions. Like, tell me more about yourself. It's funny because we were just reading in Proverbs this morning that in a man's heart, he has a purpose, but a man of understanding draws from the deep wells to pull that out. And I just, I always think about how a great question plums the deep wells of a man's heart or woman's heart. And that attraction, that energy we feel, helps us with asking great questions. But then what happens is when we get married and we move into the wash, rinse, repeat of childcare and chores and, you know, the mundaneness of going to work, coming home, dinner, like, it can really sap all of the romance out of a relationship. And so, what happens is we fall into asking really boring questions. Meygan Caston: (2:33 - 2:34) Like, how was your day? Casey Caston: (2:34 - 2:36) What's picking up the kids? Meygan Caston: (2:36 - 2:37) What's for dinner? Yeah. Casey Caston: (2:38 - 3:18) So, we realize that when the well is dry, so to speak, you're not asking those great questions. We need prompts. We need an outside prompt because I don't think naturally we would ask great questions to spark this, you know, connecting conversation. And I will tell you too, that if you just dropped in and, you know, just ask your spouse, like, “Hey, so, tell me some boundaries we need to set up with your parents.” People are going to be like, “Excuse me, where did that question come from? And what's the question behind the question? What's your motivation here?” But those are conversations we need to have. We just need prompts. So, yeah. Laura Dugger: (3:19 - 3:32) Well, I love that response. And I'm also curious after working with so many married couples, what have you seen as that connection between these amazing prompts for open-ended questions and emotional intimacy? Meygan Caston: (3:34 - 4:20) Yeah. Well, kind of like what Casey was mentioning about, um, just that curiosity of getting to know each other. I think the other part of asking those open-ended questions and having these deeper conversations is really about intentionality. Like you still care about me. You still want to know about my heart. Well, for us, 25 years later, I still care about you. I still love you. And I think that of course, as women, we long for that emotional connection. And I don't think that men realize it, but they actually long for that too. And it's creating a safe place for spouses to share, to cry, to even, um, dream together about their future. And I think, again, if we don't give ourselves those opportunities and we're not intentional with that, we get stuck in the mundaneness of marriage. Casey Caston: (4:20 - 5:03) But, uh, and I would add to that, that curiosity, Meygan, I've talked about how curiosity is the pursuit of something. Right. And we all long to be desired to be pursued. I mean, that is, that underlying communication is so powerful in relationships, because if you think about it, if you're not being pursued and your spouse isn't curious, I mean, that's like the, the heart of apathy. It's like, I don't care. And I know that people aren't intentionally trying to communicate that, but when you feel that, like my spouse doesn't really care about what I dream about or what I'm hoping to achieve this year, they just come home and they just watch TV or they're on their phone. Meygan Caston: (5:04 - 5:18) Right. That communicates a lot non-verbally. And so, that's why these open-ended questions are something that we should never stop being a learner of each other and of ourselves. And that will provide that emotional intimacy. Laura Dugger: (5:19 - 5:45) That's so good. And obviously your resources are amazing. I would love, because you have these 365 Connecting Questions for Couples. And so, I want to just hear maybe three of these questions that come to mind for you guys, especially as you've heard, these are the ones that tend to unlock something deeper in the conversation. Meygan Caston: (5:46 - 6:07) Absolutely. So, August 3rd is, are you someone who spends a lot of time in deep thought, processing things before making a decision, or do you tend to make quick decisions? Why or why not? That question has genuinely sparked so much conversation between us and even like with our kids and other couples. Maybe you can explain why. Casey Caston: (6:07 - 6:11) Yeah. Well, I'm Mr. Impulsivity, so. Meygan Caston: (6:11 - 6:29) Yeah, you are. Where I, I don't, I wouldn't consider myself a deep thinker, but I definitely like to make pros and cons lists and think through things. But if you think about a dynamic between a husband and a wife, you know, there are so many decisions that you make together, small and large, your whole life, every day. Casey Caston: (6:29 - 6:30) Decision-making is huge in relationships. Meygan Caston: (6:31 - 6:57) And it's an everyday thing that couples are tackling. And it's important to know that no one is better than the other. It's not that a deep thinker is better than a more impulsive person. It's kind of more just naturally how you are. Have you always been this way? Do you like that about yourself? Wow. You know, well, when it comes to these bigger decisions, I do spend, make more time, you know, thinking through and pros and cons. Oh, well, with small decisions, I'm more impulsive. I mean, you could just talk about that for hours and hours. Casey Caston: (6:57 - 7:01) Yeah. But what's interesting is I tend to think more futuristic and big picture. Meygan Caston: (7:01 - 7:01) Yes. Casey Caston: (7:01 - 7:03) Even though I'm impulsive in the moment. Meygan Caston: (7:03 - 7:05) And I cannot, I can't do that. Casey Caston: (7:05 - 7:06) You are Ms. Realist. Meygan Caston: (7:06 - 7:08) Just tell me today, tell me this week. Casey Caston: (7:09 - 7:10) I can't think about this fun sponge. Meygan Caston: (7:11 - 7:11) Yes. Yeah. Casey Caston: (7:12 - 7:15) Because I'm like, let's dream big. And she's like, yeah, but what's happening today? Meygan Caston: (7:16 - 7:49) Yeah. Yeah. Another great question is January 18th. How can we romance each other during the day in anticipation of sex? Because as we all know, us ladies, we need the foreplay. But again, I think that husbands also enjoy the foreplay. But I don't think that couples are having these conversations. I think they think a foreplay is, well, once we enter into the bedroom, you know, and what we like to say is it's anything positive is foreplay. So, a thoughtful text, you know, a flirty I'm going to grab your hand to empty out the dishwasher. Casey Caston: (7:49 - 7:50) Amen. Meygan Caston: (7:50 - 7:55) Yeah. You know, it's those kinds of conversations. But like, I would never think of asking you that. Casey Caston: (7:56 - 7:56) Right. Meygan Caston: (7:56 - 7:58) Right. Thankfully for those. Casey Caston: (7:58 - 8:10) But as you know, Laura, like couples that need to talk about their sex life. And if you don't talk about your sex life, most oftentimes there's a lot of assumptions. And that leads to, you know, dysfunction. Meygan Caston: (8:11 - 9:14) Well, and missed expectations. Totally. Yeah. And then I have another question. April 25th is how do our differences help complement each other? Oh, so, kind of another one of those things, like with making decisions. Every single couple has differences. And we always tell people Casey, and I are more different than alike. I think people see us online and whatnot. And they hear, oh, we're both extroverts. We are. So, we have some similarities. We're both stubborn, very competitive, both competitive. But in the day-to-day operations of who Casey and Meygan are, we make decisions, we run our lives, run our business, run our business. We are completely opposite. And what I think it's good to do for couples is to actually own your differences rather than shy away from them or make yourselves feel bad, like, oh, I wish we were the same. I get it. You know, we actually are attracted to those things when we're dating. That's why opposites attract. But then when we get married, it's like, why doesn't he do everything the same way? I do it because I do it the right way. That's what we think. Right. Casey Caston: (9:15 - 9:21) Well, you heard the joke that marriage is about becoming one. And in the earlier years, it's about which one. Meygan Caston: (9:21 - 10:14) Yeah. Which one? Which figure out? Yeah. And so, that question really allows you to identify your differences, but then go, how do they balance each other out? And I think for me, as someone who is organized, type A Casey's very spontaneous. If we were both type A and structured, we wouldn't have a lot of fun. We really wouldn't. His spontaneity really brings out that side of me. But if we were both spontaneous, our bills would never be paid, and we'd be broke. So, you know, I'm a I'm a saver. He's a spender. You can see the balance in that. It's good that we're both those things. Right. I'm on time. He's late. We could continue going on and on and on and on. But I think that he's a risk taker. I'm a complete play it safer. And so, those really draw out a beautiful balance in our marriage versus trying to change one another. So, I hope that question sparks listeners to really ask your spouse that and have fun with the conversation. Laura Dugger: (10:15 - 11:03) Well, you chose three great ones. I love it. And they draw out such different parts of our personality. You highlighted where Casey's more futuristic. Meygan, you're more present. Some people will connect with questions that direct them more past oriented. And so, our orientation to time comes out and the meta conversations, the talking like having the conversation about your conversation. Just so much goodness. And yes, especially with sexual intimacy. So, many couples report that it is much harder to engage in conversation about sex rather than just have sex. And like you said, missed expectations can be one of the blow ups there, among many other things. So, you have questions that don't shy away from all forms of intimacy. Meygan Caston: (11:04 - 11:10) Yeah. And to also say we have a lot of fun questions, too. Like, tell me about what your bedroom looked like when you were a teenager. Casey Caston: (11:11 - 11:12) That's a great one. I love that one. Meygan Caston: (11:12 - 11:47) Let's talk couples. If you had a really hard day with the kids or at work, pick a fun question. You don't have to go by the date. If you don't like the question, it's triggering, then flip to the next one. But going back to that emotional intimacy and connection that you were talking about, Laura, is you have to have those deep questions and those conversations. And you did when you were dating, because if you went on a date with your husband and you were like, hey, tell me, you know, what do you want to do when you retire? And he was like, I don't know. Yeah, you'd be like snooze fest. This guy's boring, right? Or if he was on his phone the whole time, there was something intriguing about your spouse. Casey Caston: (11:47 - 11:48) I don't know. I don't know. Meygan Caston: (11:48 - 12:01) Yeah, there was something intriguing about your spouse when you were dating and you were asking those questions that should never stop. Just like we hear that quote, never stop dating your spouse. Well, never stop learning about your spouse. It's the same thing. Absolutely. Laura Dugger: (12:02 - 12:16) And I love how you two have such a humble approach because you say that you're a very unlikely couple to help support marriages. So, will you let us in on your own backstory? Meygan Caston: (12:17 - 12:46) Yeah, well, can I just start off by saying this? We live in a county that has one of the highest divorce rates in the nation. So, it's 72 percent divorce rate where we live. We also come from there's 12 marriages between our parents. So, we come from so much divorce and trauma. And then we also got married very, very, very young. So, all those statistics were against us on top of that. I'm just going to start off by saying that. Casey Caston: (12:46 - 13:18) Yeah, my mom's been married six times. So, when by the time I hit junior high, I had probably like nine different iterations of home life and different dads and step siblings and half brothers. And all of that between both of our parents. There's just there's some mental illness. There's affairs. There's all this trauma that was really unprocessed. But then when Meygan and I saw each other, it was like we knew the wounds that we shared. It was like almost like a trauma bond. Meygan Caston: (13:19 - 13:19) Yeah. Casey Caston: (13:19 - 14:08) Like, oh, I've got abandonment. So, do you. And, you know, let's do it's like, wow. So, let's make each other happy. And dating was just all the fun stuff, right? It was long walks along the beach. It was going to street fairs or, you know, going out and having fun. And then we're like, if this is what life could be like, then we should do this forever and ever and ever. And just, you know, we were so doe eyed of like and optimistic about how marriage life would look like. So, then once we did get married, done, done, done, we had to like work through stuff. Now, I was so conflict avoidant because I was afraid if there was conflict, then that means that there's going to be distance between Meygan and I and she might leave me. Meygan Caston: (14:08 - 14:24) Oh, there's another there's another difference. I'm a fighter. He's a fighter. So, anytime we would have conflict triggers, you know, emotional regulation, I was like, we're going to go for it. Now, of course, my fighting tactics were not healthy. I yelled. I blamed. I was very aggressive, assertive. Casey Caston: (14:24 - 14:37) Conflict was very scary for me. Now. Now, Meygan, she's like wanting to deal with issues. And here I am, like trying to run for the hills. And she's like, he doesn't care about me. And I'm like, I'm trying to protect the marriage by not dealing with it. Meygan Caston: (14:37 - 14:49) So, you never really resolved anything. We would fight really bad. We broke all the fighting rules. And then there was no true resolve, no apologies, no remorse. And you just kind of move forward. Casey Caston: (14:49 - 15:06) And so, then we piled ourselves like we had over two hundred fifty thousand dollars of debt when we started to try to work on getting pregnant. We we dealt with infertility. We I have ADHD, so that creates a lot of that's fun. A lot of fun for the marriage. Meygan Caston: (15:06 - 15:08) The divorce rate is very high with ADHD. Casey Caston: (15:08 - 15:10) My life gets to teach you patience. Meygan Caston: (15:11 - 15:11) Yeah. Casey Caston: (15:12 - 16:44) But and then we have a child with special needs as well. So, we we had like if there's something that could go wrong, it it went wrong. We had you know, once we got married, there was toxic in-laws that boundaries that were crossed. So, it just nothing for us came easy. And so, that's why we were the least likely to succeed in marriage. I mean, if we there was a couple doomed from the get go, it was Meygan and I believe a hundred percent that God used those trials, those hardships to create marriage. Three sixty five. He gave us the strength to, you know, have the courage to say we're not going to follow in our parents footsteps. We're going to change that. You know, it ends with us literally like we are going to change and break this generational sin because it goes back many, many generations for both of us. Our whole family is littered with divorce. And now like when we approach marriage, it because of where we've come from, it wasn't all flowery. It was really tough. We have to be practical and very tactical with our advice, because when you're sitting across from a couple that's angry and resentful. We have to sit there and go, we know what that's like. And here's exactly what you need to do next. I'm not going to give you a platitude. I'm not going to give you some flowery statement or we're not going to just talk through it. No, we're going to give you a tool and an action step that's going to help you. Laura Dugger: (16:46 - 18:56) Let's take a quick break to hear a message from our sponsor. Friends, I'm excited to share with you today's sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Do you feel like you need a weekend away with your spouse and a chance to grow in your relationship together at the same time? WinShape Marriage is a fantastic ministry that provides weekend marriage retreats to help couples grow closer together in every season and stage of life from premarital to parenting to the emptiness phase. There is an opportunity for you. WinShape Marriage is grounded on the belief that the strongest marriages are the ones that are nurtured, even when it seems things are going smoothly so that they're stronger if they do hit a bump along their marital journey. These weekend retreats are hosted within the beautiful refuge of WinShape Retreat, perched in the mountains of Rome, Georgia, which is a short drive from Atlanta, Birmingham and Chattanooga. While you're there, you will be well fed, well nurtured and well cared for. During your time away in this beautiful place, you and your spouse will learn from expert speakers and explore topics related to intimacy, overcoming challenges, improving communication and more. I've stayed on site at WinShape before, and I can attest to their generosity, food and content. You will be so grateful you went to find an experience that's right for you and your spouse. Head to their website, winshapemarriage.org/savvy. That's W-I-N-S-H-A-P-E marriage dot org slash S-A-V-V-Y. Thanks for your sponsorship. I'd love to hear even more into the redemption part of it, because Marriage 365, you had shared before we had recorded that you launched that in 2013. So, just to get the timeline straight, had you already done some work and some counseling before you launched that? Meygan Caston: (18:56 - 19:26) Or what was that journey? Yeah, so, we always say we it took us two years to fall in love and get married. It took us three years to destroy our marriage, and it took about four or five years to repair our marriage. It was, as you know, Laura, it is not a quick fix when your marriage is as bad as ours. And so, our story is unique in the sense where we were both not wanting to get help for our marriage. I love you, babe, but he was resistant. He didn't want to go to therapy. His family didn't go to therapy. That wasn't normalized. Casey Caston: (19:26 - 19:31) Well, my faith background said that therapy is bad from the from the devil. Meygan Caston: (19:31 - 19:38) It was specifically your parents. But from the devil. Yeah, because I have a faith background, too. And my parents went to therapy. But that's what I was saying. Casey Caston: (19:38 - 19:40) My background was that you don't do that. Meygan Caston: (19:40 - 21:16) Yeah. So, I was wanting to get divorced and he wouldn't divorce me. He was like, no. So, if you're going to do it, you got to do it. And so, I got help for myself. And I had the most amazing woman who a therapist who just walked me through basically how to save my marriage by myself. And she goes, listen, you know, at the end of the day, if you want to make a better marriage, it starts by making a better you. You have zero control over Casey. You have 100 percent control over you. He's not here. You are. I can show you how to communicate, how to forgive him even without getting an apology. I can show you how to bring to his defenses down. I can show you how to create boundaries so he doesn't yell at you anymore. I mean, and that's literally for 13 months I worked on myself. And I believe that that is what genuinely changed everything. And that's really the message behind Marriage 365 is if you want to make a better marriage, it starts by making a better you. Stop waiting around for your husband or your wife to get on board. They may never. Then you're only going to build resentment while you sit there and wait. At the end of the day, you're responsible for how you show up. And so, in that 13 months, the hope was, of course, that I would positively influence Casey, which I did. And he saw the change in me. Everything changed. I mean, like we both used to be yellers, right? We would both yell and scream. And I was like, I'm not going to yell anymore. Like, I just I don't want to be a yeller of a mom. I don't want to be a yeller of a wife. Like, I don't like this part of me. My mom was a yeller. I mean, oh, yeah, I hate this. And I just remember like one day he came walking in and he was all heated and frustrated and he started yelling at me. And do you remember what I did, babe? Casey Caston: (21:17 - 21:33) Yeah. She looked at me and calmly said, you know, I can tell that you're very upset. I really want to have to listen to what you want to share with me. Why don't you go outside, take a break, come back in? We're going to sit back on the couch. We can talk about it. I'm here for you. And I was like, what a change. Meygan Caston: (21:33 - 22:07) Who is this person? I changed the way that we did marriage. I did that. And I tell people that I didn't do that once. I didn't do it twice. I did that for months because we had habits we had created. But I was like, that was like a new boundary. I'm like, I'm not going to engage with him when he's angry. It's been triggered. Nothing good is coming from this. So, it was all of that we started to really adopt and learn together because he's like, you're a different person. Like, it was obvious we were doing the tango. And now I was doing the rumba and he was over there doing the tango. And I'm like, come join me in the healthy rumba over here because it's way better. Casey Caston: (22:07 - 22:09) And so, for toxic tango. Meygan Caston: (22:09 - 23:20) Yeah, we went to a marriage. Yeah, we went to a marriage intensive. And we did some therapy. We did a lot of self-help. But through that journey, this is kind of where we started Marriage 365 is. First off, we couldn't afford therapy. We needed to pay off all that debt that we had with a lot of student loan debt, a lot of stupid debt. What do you do if you can't afford therapy? What do you do if you don't have a good therapist? What do you do if you have a bad experience with therapy? What do you do if the books aren't enough? And that was there was a really big hole and missing part in the marriage. I don't say industry, but in the marriage space, where were all the online resources? Because this was back again in like 2010 when like podcasts weren't even around, social media was just becoming a thing. And it was really hard. We were really disappointed with the lack of resources there were for marriage. And it felt like every church you go to, there was, you know, the missions ministry and the children's ministry and the youth groups. And all those are great. Where in the world are all the marriage ministries? Then we found out only 3% of churches have actual paid marriage ministries. And I thought, that's messed up. That's reverse. It's supposed to be the opposite, because then everything else will work itself out, as we know, with what research shows. Casey Caston: (23:20 - 23:21) Same with men's ministry, by the way. Meygan Caston: (23:21 - 23:22) Yes, same with men's ministry. Casey Caston: (23:22 - 23:23) Men's and marriage. Meygan Caston: (23:23 - 23:26) That's like the stepchild. Casey Caston: (23:26 - 23:33) Tech guy slash men's guy slash, you know. Children's persons can also do marriage. Meygan Caston: (23:33 - 23:40) So, we really just started helping our friends out. Obviously, people could see the change. Then people would come to us. We started helping couples at our church. Casey Caston: (23:40 - 23:48) And we had a ghoul pool. Like people were like, we give you guys another like ten months and then we're expecting you. Meygan Caston: (23:48 - 23:51) Yeah, everyone that knew us thought we'd get divorced. Casey Caston: (23:51 - 23:52) We were messy. Meygan Caston: (23:52 - 23:58) We were bad. Yeah. So, to see the complete transformation. And again, I go back to that work we did was on ourselves. Casey Caston: (23:58 - 25:31) And I just have to say that if you want to make a better marriage, it starts by making a better you. If you're hearing that. And you're kind of in a one sided marriage right now, I got to just say, I know that message sucks because it's a message that says you have to go first. And that's not fair. In a marriage, you're supposed to be a team. But I do want to say there's so many couples that are stuck. Waiting for their spouse to join them on the let's get healthy train. So, their spouse doesn't join them. And then what they do is they kind of lean back, fold their arms and go, well, I guess we're stuck. But I want to say that that's there is a message of empowerment to say you do have influence and the ability to steer your marriage in a healthy way. I have lots of regret that I did not join that train much sooner. But the story is that Meygan, you know, became the hero of our journey. And that is something that I work actively so that I'm never in that place again, that I am the one that's always actively trying to improve myself, that I'm a better communicator, that I'm not a yeller, which we've ditched that a long time ago, that that I'm considered of Meygan's needs. And I'm even like attuned to like, what is she feeling? And how do I meet her where she's at? Laura Dugger: (25:32 - 25:54) Which is amazing that watching Meygan, it was compelling enough for you to join in. And it's admirable on both sides, the work that you've done. And are there any specific areas that you grew in that now you teach couples? I'm thinking specifically under conflict and repair or communication. Casey Caston: (25:55 - 27:42) Yeah. So, I remember those early years and every single week was chaos to chaos. Like coming home, it'd be like, what's for dinner? I'm hungry and we need to make a decision now. Or, you know, it's Friday night or Saturday morning. What's going on this weekend? Or where's all our money going? It was very, it was very reactionary. And I remember reading through Stephen Covey's, you know, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And the first habit is be proactive. You cannot be intentional with your life. You cannot create purpose and meaning unless you are proactive with your life. So, Meygan and I, you know, I'm working in a company and every single week we get together and we go through what are everyone's goals? What do we need to accomplish this week? We find alignment and the week goes really well. We've got KPIs. We've got all these like, hey, as a team, you know, work team, here's what we're trying to accomplish this week. And it just kind of dawned on us like, well, why don't we do that in marriage? Why don't we do that for a family? You got a family of six. You got six people running around the house. All have agendas. And you are trying to find alignment so that, hey, this is what the family is all about this week, right? We've got tournaments. We've got parties. We've got projects. We've got meals. And I think for so many couples we talk to, they live. Life with purpose on like building their career or their business or purpose with other areas of their life. And then when it comes to family, they wing it. Meygan Caston: (27:42 - 27:43) They just wing it. Casey Caston: (27:43 - 28:31) Yeah. And it's like, well, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. It's the winging attitude creates chaos. And so, Meygan and I love to teach this tool called the Weekly Marriage Business Meeting. And it is all of the logistics of our relationship schedules, meal plans, budgets, connection time, sexy time, alone time, self-care time. Yeah. And and we kind of set with intention the week ahead for us. And we go through all the decisions of who's going, what, where, when. And all of that's done. So, when you walk into the day, you're not like stressed about what's supposed to be happening. There is alignment and there's no missed expectations. Meygan Caston: (28:31 - 29:27) Yeah, there's no fights anymore about, well, you said you'd be home at six. No, I didn't. I said I'd be home at seven. We sync our calendars. And I think, too, a big thing with this is we've noticed we fight when we don't do this now. It's one of those tools that it's prevented most of conflict. I mean, we say it will on average for the most couples that use it. We have at least over 10,000 couples we know right now currently using it that are our members that they say it cuts conflict in half in half, because what you're doing is you're even scheduling that connection time or date night time where you're like, no matter how busy we are, when are Casey and Meygan going to get to be Casey and Meygan? And that's so important, because again, if you're winging it and you're just trying to find time to connect, well, you've got four kids, we've got two teenagers. It's never going to happen. Right. And so, the weekly marriage business meeting is definitely one of the amazing and favorite worksheets and tools that we've taught and that we use ourselves because it works. Casey Caston: (29:28 - 29:28) Yeah. Laura Dugger: (29:28 - 29:59) What a game changer. That is awesome and so practical, so intentional, which we're all about. But then also we had talked about emotional intimacy earlier and emotional intimacy is interconnected with sexual intimacy and communication is the root issue. And that's what you teach couples. So, what are some conversations that couples can begin so that they can grow in both of those types of intimacy and enjoyment? Casey Caston: (30:01 - 31:34) Yeah, so, I feel like I have to start off by saying I got this so wrong when we were first married. It's OK. I forgive you now. Yeah, because, you know. Let's just let's be we'll be we'll be completely transparent. So, Meygan and I waited to have sex until we were married. So, now I actually waited till I was married to have sex. And I thought that under that purity guideline, I was promised maybe by a youth group, maybe by a convention, that if you withhold sex and remain pure, God is going to bless you with the best sex life when you're married. And that just simply did not happen. Like when we first got married, I really got went into the bedroom thinking. I don't know what foreplay is, but let's have intercourse until I come and then we're done. And that's sex. That's our sexual intimacy. And we missed out on so many intimate ways of knowing each other and sex being an obligation and something like I just was demanding of it from Meygan. And. What I've come to discover and what I love to teach other men is that sex is so much more broader than just having intercourse. I mean, there was this total understanding like, well, I feel good during intercourse. This feels very stimulating, which means that Meygan must feel the exact same way while we're having intercourse. Meygan Caston: (31:35 - 31:35) Nope. Casey Caston: (31:36 - 32:35) Because that's because listen, I never had sex before. But anytime I watched a rom com, you know, the guy threw up, you know, against the wall or they're having intercourse and she's going and he's going and they're having a great time. Like this must be what sex is all about. And what I've discovered now and I get to teach other men is that emotional intimacy is kind of the birthplace of sexual expression of love, right? That we we create safe places for our wives to to open up. And because of that, they become more willing and wanting that that sexual expression rather than us just coming in and saying, OK, it's time for sex. Let's go. And so, when we talk about just this book, this 365 Connecting Questions for Couples, I tell my guys, I'm like, hey, if you want to have great sex, start here because that is foreplay. Meygan Caston: (32:35 - 33:48) That's start here. It's good to know my heart, not just use me for my body, which can feel like that for a lot of people. And I think going back to the emotional intimacy, I think that, again, you had that when you were dating or you wouldn't have gotten married. There was no way you were. If the person was boring, closed off, if, you know, your spouse was just completely on their phone every time, you wouldn't have had that second, third, fourth date. So, there was emotional intimacy at some point, which means you can't ever say we never had it. You can always get it back, but you can have to be intentional. And I think a great way is we call it connection time. I think date night scares a lot of people. I think it's the idea of. We have to go to a restaurant, we have to spend money, we have to find a babysitter, all these hurdles that you have to go through to make it happen, so then couples just don't even do it. So, we're like, listen, if you if that's overwhelming to you, then try connection time. And really what that is, it's still undivided, you know, attention and time with you and your spouse. Maybe it's smaller, maybe it's 15 minutes, 30 minutes. And I know for when our kids were little, we played board games and card games and they'd go to bed, you know, at 7:30 or 8:00 PM. And we would bring out Yahtzee. Casey Caston: (33:48 - 33:51) There'd be a lot of trash talking over chutes and ladders. Meygan Caston: (33:52 - 34:29) But we would play. We would play games. And it was our time to connect. And when we didn't talk about the kids, you know, we just chatted about our day and again, going through some of these connecting questions that didn't even really exist yet, but they were in our heads. Taking a walk with the dog and, you know, going to a little local coffee shop, even if it's just 30 minutes and sharing and talking and exploring that emotional intimacy should never stop again. And that's going to give people opportunities to then go into the bedroom, like Casey mentioned, more willing and more excited to be intimate to each other because it's like, oh, that's right. We like each other. We're still married. We're still friends. Casey Caston: (34:29 - 35:15) You bring up a great point. Like I said, I think sitting down over the table, staring at each other can be intimidating for a lot of guys, because especially if this is not a regular habit in your relationship and taking a walk for guys when we're doing something and maybe it's less intimidating because we're not even staring at each other. But that kind of like getting the, you know, oxytocin going, like getting moving, like that kind of adrenaline can actually stimulate guys for good conversations and processing things. And so, what we hear from a lot of couples that take our book, maybe they'll take a picture of the question and they'll go, Hey, let's take a walk. And then they'll use the question on their walk. Meygan Caston: (35:15 - 35:15) Yeah. Casey Caston: (35:15 - 35:24) And that gets conversations going. So, if that's like a on ramp onto this, that's a that's a great starting point for a lot of people. Laura Dugger: (35:24 - 36:48) Oh, that's so good. And I love how you say just an on ramp, because the goal is more intimacy overall together to know one another, be known. And I love that you're showing this is not a manipulation factor. This isn't ask these questions so we can be more active in the bedroom, regardless of whichever spouse is the higher desire one. But this is to really enhance all levels of your relationship. And as you talk about oxytocin, it just makes me think such an interesting cycle that the Lord created where I will speak more stereotypically that where women require the emotional connection and then they open up and enjoy sex more. But then men, once they've had sex and they just have this like 500 percent increase of oxytocin in this neurochemical bath that opens them up emotionally. And we could see it even as we view our differences. You could be upset because they're opposite or we can see it as a gift that they can fuel one another. And then we get more of a holistic picture of overall intimacy. So, I'll also link to quite a few episodes because we do about one per month where we dive deeper into sexual intimacy. S o, I can link all of those in the show notes. But Casey, were you going to say something? Meygan Caston: (36:49 - 36:50) I want to say something to it. Casey Caston: (36:51 - 37:16) He loves. Well, so, we're talking chicken and egg, right? Like who gets the emotional intimacy, who gets the physical intimacy first? And I just think that there's if we approach our relationship with selfishness, well, then neither people get satisfied. But if we are in an approach to serve one another and be selfless lovers. So, men would be like, you know what? I want to meet my wife's emotional needs. Meygan Caston: (37:16 - 37:16) Yeah. Casey Caston: (37:17 - 37:38) Like and I do believe that men are the spark of initiation. If you're a husband out there listening to this, like that one of your greatest gifts to marriage is initiation. You were the one who asked for the first date. You were the one who got down one the knee. You are the spark of initiation. And I believe that God's created women as nurturers of that initiation. Meygan Caston: (37:39 - 37:41) And to clarify, you're not talking just about initiating sex. Casey Caston: (37:41 - 37:43) Well, yes. Just everything. Meygan Caston: (37:43 - 37:55) Initiating, just initiating, initiating a weekly marriage business meeting. Women are so turned on by when a husband's like, hey, I don't necessarily know what we want to do for a date night, but I want to take you on a date. Can I get an amen, Laura? Laura Dugger: (37:55 - 37:56) Right, sister? Meygan Caston: (37:57 - 38:14) Hey, women are turned on. Listen, men, women are turned on. If you say, you know what? I know that like this has been an issue with my parents and I don't even know how to handle it, but I really want to have that conversation. Oh, my gosh. Just initiating the conversation is all we're looking for. It's OK that you don't have all the answers. Casey Caston: (38:14 - 38:14) Yeah. Meygan Caston: (38:14 - 38:23) But for men that avoid stonewall, escape, numb out, busy themselves, it is such a turnoff. It is so not what we want. Laura Dugger: (38:23 - 39:55) I want to make sure that you're up to date with our latest news. We have a new website. You can visit theSavvySauce.com and see all of the latest updates. You may remember Francie Heinrichsen from episode 132, where we talked about pursuing our God given dreams. She is the amazing businesswoman who has carefully designed a brand-new website for Savvy Sauce Charities. And we are thrilled with the final product. So, I hope you check it out there. You're going to find all of our podcasts now with show notes and transcriptions listed a scrapbook of various previous guests and an easy place to join our email list to receive monthly encouragement and questions to ask your loved ones so that you can have your own practical chats for intentional living. You will also be able to access our donation button or our mailing address for sending checks that are tax deductible so that you can support the work of Savvy Sauce Charities and help us continue to reach the nation with the good news of Jesus Christ. So, make sure you visit theSavvySauce.com. Okay, so, then continue the conversation with just overall intimacy. What are some examples of de-escalation techniques that you recommend to couples who are in conflict, ones that can maybe help the strained relationships so that they can be repaired? Yeah. Meygan Caston: (39:55 - 42:19) Yeah. So, a big thing that I've learned as someone who's very direct, I can tend to be on that, like I mentioned, fighter side. And I know a lot of women, studies have shown 75 percent of us ladies are the ones that typically bring up the issues. So, just be aware that there is a gender difference there. And if you're a dude, there's nothing wrong with you if you're in, you know, that 75 percent or 25 percent. But I think the biggest thing I've recognized is to remind your spouse in the very beginning of the conversation, why you're having the conversation. You know, I love you. I love us. I want to see us be the best people that we can be. I want to see us enjoy marriage and enjoy life. I love you. Like bring the positivity and the reminder that you're better together than apart. And really, that's part of what we call a soft startup, right? There's a lot of different soft startups you've heard of. You know, I feel when you I need those work to but I like to take it a little bit deeper to say, remind your spouse how much that you love being married to them. Or again, whatever the issue is like we have the most. Let's say it's parenting. Casey and I are very different in our parenting styles. Last night would have been a great difference of how that happened. But like reminder that like we both love our children. We both want the best for our kids. No one doubts that. We both have made we made two beautiful, wonderful, quirky children. Right. And so, even you can start the conversation with that. But I wish that more people did that because I think people are are, you know, I'm really upset about something. OK, well, the second you say that defenses, sorry, but defenses are going to go up. We want to keep the conversations defenses low, guards low, right, de-escalation. And so, use soft startups, use kind, positive language. But I think another thing behind that would be come to the conversation processed. Do not have these conversations 11 o'clock at night when you're tired or when you're hungry. Do not have these conversations when it just happened and you haven't had the time to just like stop. Think about what do I really need? Why did that trigger me? What am I hoping to achieve? Why is my husband acting this way? Oh, is he under a lot of stress? Yeah, we got to give ourselves time to sit and process before we even use those soft startups. So, that would be my advice for de-escalation. Casey Caston: (42:20 - 43:04) And mine actually would be an apology. I think that we all make mistakes. And when you think about a couple that's maybe living reactively, just winging it, I doubt that there's ever an apology that's given on either side because it takes a little it takes awareness to recognize, gosh, you know what? My that little comment I just made that probably had a little zing to it. Or, you know, I really let my spouse down by not parenting the children the way she would want me to. Or, you know, I said I was going to do something and I didn't. And I let my partner down. You want to de-escalate a tense situation. Apologize. Meygan Caston: (43:04 - 43:04) Yeah. Own it. Casey Caston: (43:05 - 43:12) When you apologize, you know, you're taking all of the heat out of the fire. They really are. Meygan Caston: (43:12 - 43:16) And you're validating your spouse's feelings. Who doesn't want to be validated and seen? Everybody does. Casey Caston: (43:16 - 43:38) And then you're taking responsibility and accountability for your actions, which is the trust builder for relationships. So, that's why when you talk about high conflict relationships, there aren't a lot of there's not a lot of trust there. It's not a safe place anymore. So, to create that safety, we want to we want to build trust back into the relationship. Laura Dugger: (43:39 - 43:50) Those are fantastic. And do you guys just have maybe a handful of ideas for ways that couples can strengthen their marriage with one another? Meygan Caston: (43:51 - 44:09) Absolutely. I would say, obviously, the weekly marriage business meeting. I mean, I know we talked about it, but the important thing is to schedule it, put it in the calendar because you don't want to wing it. And that way it's showing, oh, you're prioritizing us. Taking walks has been a big one for us. Playing games is a big one. Casey Caston: (44:09 - 45:18) The 60 second blessing is where we intentionally spend time. 60 seconds reminding our partner of how much we love them, using our words to say, like, I saw how hard you work for the family. I love how you take care of the kids and kind of reminding your partner, like I see the goodness in each other. I think it's really important because. Day to day life, we can just be very transactional, and if we again, we have any sort of criticism or, you know, our words just are not flavored with life, well, proverb says, you know, our words have the power to give life or to give death. Right. So, the words that we speak, if we evaluate. Are we producing what I call weed seeds? Or are we planting fruit trees? Because weed seeds choke out the garden. Those sharp, critical words can leave your garden looking pretty shabby, whereas being intentional by speaking positive over each other. It's like planting fruit trees. And who doesn't like a good, juicy orange? Right. Meygan Caston: (45:18 - 47:15) Well, and the 60 second blessing, you know, you start off by writing five to seven positive things you love about your spouse. And so, one spouse shares their list for 60 seconds and then the second spouse shares their list. And it's this habit that we actually started doing after our marriage intensive that we did as we were repairing our marriage because we had yeah, we had we had spoken such mean and harsh words or just a lot of roommate stuff. And we needed that positivity. And it's a great foreplay tip, by the way, just to sit, sometimes sit down and go, I just need to tell you how wonderful you are. Like, who doesn't want to hear that about themselves? I think another thing that Casey and I have recognized it is the only thing, by the way, Laura, in our marriage, the only thing that has ever stayed consistent. That's we have fun together. We laugh a lot, even in hard times. Yeah, it wasn't as enjoyable, but we still had fun. And, you know, again, fun is different for everybody. We don't ever want to judge someone else's fun. But we are constantly like we we are sarcastic. But that's for us because we have high trust levels. I usually tell couples if you're, you know, in a fair recovery or you have low trust levels, sarcasm is probably not great. But we're very playful. We have again, we play a lot of fun games and we play ping pong and cornhole and we take our dogs on our dog on a walk. And we, you know, we're going to try to go ax throwing in April. We've never done that before. Like there are fun that we've taken dance lessons. So, we like to think out of the box and do new things or things that we know that like how many games of Yahtzee have we played? I don't even know. I mean, we've lost count. Or gin rummy, you know, I mean, we just play Sequence or Rummikub like we play them all. And for that for us, that's really fun. We dance a lot. We love the 90's music. Like get out your favorite playlist and just dance and sing and be goofy. Like I think if couples were to laugh and enjoy each other more and be able to laugh with themselves, I think that there would be more marriages that would stay together. Laura Dugger: (47:16 - 47:39) That is something that I've even experienced in this time together. You guys are so fun to be around. And that's very life giving to others. But I can see where it starts in that secret place between just the two of you, your best friend. And you share a lot of this goodness with Marriage 365. So, can you let us know all the different things that you have to offer? Casey Caston: (47:40 - 48:48) Yeah, I would probably say the number one way that people experience all of the resources that we've created over the years is through our mobile app. So, we have an app that has over a thousand pieces of videos, workshop, worksheet, excuse me, courses, challenges. We even have a checkup so you can actually rate kind of your marriage. And that is a great way for people to be able to have access, you know, on the spot if they're dealing with an issue, they don't know how to get through and they're looking for a tool or a conversation to help them work through that. That our app provides such a valuable resource. I mean, beyond that, you know, some couples need a little bit more hands on approach. So, we do coaching. We have a coaching staff actually to handle all the incoming couples that are saying, hey, can you can you help us out? And again, I just want to say coaching is really, really focused on giving action plans and homework and accountability to our clients. And coaching is really, really helpful if you're like, I just need to know what to do next. Meygan Caston: (48:48 - 49:17) Yeah. We do intensives for couples that are in crisis, you know, there that are seriously considering separation or divorce or an affair recovery and that we have an over 90 percent success rate because we went through an intensive when we were struggling and it was something we knew we wanted to get trained on and do. And it's a full two days with Casey and I. I mean, two days back-to-back. We know you. We get Christmas cards from all of our couples, you know, every year. We love it. And it's they become almost I mean, yes, they're our clients, but they almost become like our friends. Casey Caston: (49:17 - 49:45) Yeah. And then probably personally, one of my favorite things that we do is we host our own couple's getaway. And this is a four-day experience. It's not your it's not like a typical retreat where you're sitting in a conference room, you're just getting lectured all day. We're actually facilitating tools and then giving couples opportunities to work on them. Then some free time to really spend some time making great memories. We have a dance party. It is a ton of fun. Meygan Caston: (49:45 - 49:55) We make sure. Yeah, we make sure it's fun. It's more it's definitely more for couples who are doing OK or want to do better, not they're not ideal for couples in crisis because it's going to be very uncomfortable. Casey Caston: (49:55 - 49:56) I love our retreats. Meygan Caston: (49:56 - 49:57) I know. Casey Caston: (49:57 - 49:58) I love interacting with her. Meygan Caston: (49:58 - 50:05) And of course, we have our social media. You can just search Marriage 365 and then we have our website, too. And we have our books, of course. Casey Caston: (50:05 - 50:09) Oh, and I have a men's group. I know I launched a five-week men's reset. . Meygan Caston: (50:09 - 50:34) Needless to say, Laura, we're really busy. I do a lot. I think that's what's funny, right? I think that people see us online and they think that we just have an Instagram, or we just have Facebook. And I'm like, we've been doing this for 12 years and we have a staff of 12 people. So, we reach a lot of people. And we because marriage is never a one stop, you know, one size fits all. It's it's true. There are so many different dynamics, and we want to be able to help as many people as we can. Laura Dugger: (50:35 - 50:59) Wow. Thank you for sharing that. We will add all of those links. I love all these different offerings that you have and that will meet people in whatever phase they're in. But you two already know we are called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, as my final question for both of you, what is your Savvy Sauce? Meygan Caston: (51:00 - 51:47) Mine would be I would want every single person to think about becoming more confident. And that starts with becoming more self-aware. I think that that is completely changed who I am. And I'm we're raising two kids, and I see the confidence that they have. And we're modeling that but also walking them through how to be self-aware. And really, that starts with having to be one with your thoughts, turning off the phone, sorry, turning off the podcast, sometimes turning off the music and just actually sitting and really going. Do I really know my thoughts, my feelings, my values, my personality, my good, my bad, my ugly? And we don't do this enough. We are busy ourselves. We're distracted constantly. And I think that it's really harming our mental health. And so, that would be my savvy sauce. Casey Caston: (51:47 - 52:30) Hmm. I love that, babe. It's kind of hard because we find so much alignment. I mean, I would that's exactly what I would say, too. Um, I, you know, my focus in twenty, twenty-five has really been turned towards helping husbands. And there's a quote that Henry David Thoreau says that many men live lives of quiet desperation and they die with their songs still inside them. And most guys are terrified of stopping and evaluating. And so, for me, creating space too. Listen, I do a 10, 10, 10 practice in the morning. Meygan Caston: (52:30 - 52:32) That's what I thought you were going to say. Casey Caston: (52:32 - 52:32) Yeah, yeah. Meygan Caston: (52:32 - 52:36) Well, I was like, I bet you he's going to talk about it because it's been life changing for you. Casey Caston: (52:36 - 53:01) Yeah. So, I spend 10 minutes of scripture reading. So, that's input. Then I spend 10 minutes of quiet meditation where I'm sitting and I'm in a listening posture. And I mean, I think about everything from lasagna to the last wave I serve to. But there's intentionality about just opening myself like here I am. I'm ready to be downloaded on like what you have for me today. Meygan Caston: (53:01 - 53:02) God be one with your thoughts. Casey Caston: (53:03 - 53:18) Yeah. And all sorts of things come up. And then I spent 10 minutes journaling. And that process is just and that's like the output. Right. So, now I've got input. I've been listening and now I get to write stuff out. And that's been a huge game changer for me. Laura Dugger: (53:19 - 53:43) Wow, I love both of those. You two are just refreshingly vulnerable and such an incredible mixture of intentional and lighthearted. And it has been so great just to sit under your teaching today. So, thank you for sharing your story and for helping all of us. And thank you just for being my guests. Meygan Caston: (53:43 - 53:45) Oh, you're welcome. It was a pleasure to be here. Casey Caston: (53:45 - 53:49) Yes, you asked great questions that plumb the deep wells of Casey Meygan. Laura Dugger: (53:52 - 57:35) One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death, and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, he made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.

christmas god tv jesus christ women head friends children father art lord science men marriage tech co founders ms holy spirit sex fun playing romans rome corinthians decision adhd ephesians fall in love proverbs hebrews philippians mine birmingham excited couples amen laughter recovering excuse needless fostering affair kpis apologize chattanooga clifford females sequence highly effective people stephen covey enjoyment newlyweds biblical worldview henry david thoreau initiating realist making love seven habits sexual intimacy yahtzee impulsivity sexless marriage cast on rummikub niv romans christ jesus ephesians winshape marriage365 meygan caston meygan francie winslow winshape marriage connecting questions

2024 Top Ten_4 Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn

Sex Chat for Christian Wives

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 14, 2025 57:04

Top Ten from 2024: #4 Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage: An Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn *DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults. **Transcription of original episode** 224. Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage: An Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn Deuteronomy 29:29a (NKJV) "The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us" Questions and Topics We Cover: Are there any specific questions you recommend we ask our spouse periodically? Will you elaborate on your finding that "men and women tend to have different insecurities that the process of sex can help heal or hurt"? You write "Having a comfortable way to signal (and receive) openness or interest will create connection and prevent much pain." So, how can couples begin to develop their own private language or signals to communicate effectively in a healthy manner? Thank You to Our Sponsor: The Sue Neihouser Team Shaunti Feldhahn received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author, and popular speaker. Today, Shaunti applies her analytical skills to investigate eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, The Kindness Challenge, and Thriving in Love & Money, have sold more than 3 million copies in 25 languages. Her books and studies are popular in homes, counseling centers, and corporations worldwide. Shaunti (often with her husband, Jeff) has spoken around the world, sharing her findings with audiences ranging from churches to women's and marriage conferences to arena events to youth camps and cruises (yes, those are particularly painful…). Her research and commentary are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, The New York Times and MomLife Today. Shaunti, Jeff, and their two children live in Atlanta and enjoy every minute of living life at warp speed. Secrets of Sex and Marriage Website Previous Episodes on Sexual Intimacy on The Savvy Sauce: Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Hope For Treating Pelvic Pain with Tracey LeGrand Treatment for Sexual Issues with Certified Sex Therapist, Emma Schmidt Talking With Your Kids About Sex with Brian and Alison Sutter Natural Aphrodisiacs with Christian Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Douglas Rosenau Healthy Sexuality, Emotional Intelligence, and Parenting Children with Autism with Counselor, Lauren Dack Pain and Joy in Sexual Intimacy with Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Identifying and Fighting Human Trafficking with Dr. Jeff Waibel Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Cuthor, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma Enjoying Parenting and Managing Conversations About Sex with Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen 63 Maximizing Sexual Intimacy During the Three Most Challenging Phases of Marriage with Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Conflict Resolution, Infidelity, and Infertility with Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Hormones and Body Image with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery Female Orgasm with Sue Goldstein Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, and Treatments Available with Dr. Irwin Goldstein Turn Ons, Turn Offs, and Savoring Sex in Marriage with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Desire Discrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma Answering Listener's Questions About Sex with Kelli Willard Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder Supernatural Restoration Story with Bob and Audrey Meisner Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives with Drs. Scott and Melissa Symington Female Pornography Addiction and Meaningful Recovery with Crystal Renaud Day Building Lasting Relationships with Clarence and Brenda Shuler Healthy Ways for Females to Increase Sexual Enjoyment with Tracey LeGrand Pornography Healing for Spouses with Geremy Keeton Sexual Sin Recovery for You and Your Spouse (Part Two) Personal Development and Sexual Wholeness with Dr. Sibylle Georgianna Our Brain's Role in Sexual Intimacy with Angie Landry Discovering God's Design for Romance with Sharon Jaynes Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas Sex Series: God's Design and Warnings for Sex: An Interview with Mike Novotny Sex Series: Enhancing Female Pleasure and Enjoyment of Sex: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Degler Sex Series Orgasmic Potential, Pleasure, and Friendship: An Interview with Bonny Burns Sex Series: Sex Series: Healthy Self, Healthy Sex: An Interview with Gaye Christmus Sex Series: Higher Sexual Desire Wife: An Interview with J Parker Sex Series: Six Pillars of Intimacy with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo 215 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part One with Dr. Kris Christiansen 216 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part Two with Dr. Kris Christiansen 217 Tween/Teen Females: How to Navigate Changes during Puberty with Dr. Jennifer Degler 218 Secrets of Sex and Marriage: Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Integrating Body & Soul, with Francie Winslow

Play Episode Listen Later May 14, 2025 44:28

We welcome Francie Winslow of Heaven in Your Home to talk about why and how to integrate body and soul for better sexual pleasure and intimacy. Sponsor Calm your mind, reduce stress, and elevate your mood while nourishing your skin with Share the Soap's organic aloe and goat milk lotion scented with essential oils. Experience true body-soul integration as this luxurious lotion soothes your skin and harmonizes your emotional well-being. Aroma skincare at its best! AND buy any size lotion and get a your-choice, FREE lip balm through May 31 using code FCWMAY. Put both items in your shopping bag, and the lip balm will show FREE. Visit Share the Soap From the Bible Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:25 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 For it pleased the Father that in Him should all fullness dwell, and having made peace through the blood of His cross, by Him to reconcile all things unto Himself — by Him, I say, whether they be things on earth or things in heaven. Colossians 1:19–20 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14 (NKJV) Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13:3–5 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38–42 Resources Francie Winslow's website Heaven in Your Home Podcast – Francie Winslow The Romantic Vineyard | Debi & Tom Walter The Gospel in the Bedroom – Hot, Holy & Humorous What Is Lusting? – Hot, Holy & Humorous Episode 193: Making the Most of Your Five Senses Essential Oils Roller Balls | Amazon Mindfulness & Meditation During Sex - Hot, Holy & Humorous Great Are You Lord- All Sons & Daughters Lyrics | "It's your breath in my lungs" Episode 182: Pray About Your Sex Life (Quickie) Betrayal & Sexual Addiction with Bonny Burns – Heaven In Your Home Thanks for joining us at the virtual kitchen table for another great chat! We'd love for you to join our inner circle by supporting us on Patreon. You can contribute to our wonderful ministry while getting some fun perks for yourself! Check it out here: https://www.patreon.com/c/ForChristianWives And if you could, leave a rating and/or review so that others can find the show. Please also check out our website and webinars at forchristianwives.com. And visit our individual ministry pages for more resources as well: Strong Wives - Bonny Burns Honeycomb & Spice - Chris Taylor Hot, Holy & Humorous - J. Parker

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Reclaiming Women’s Sexuality | Francie Winslow #720

Sexy Marriage Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 19, 2025 34:37

In this conversation, Francie Winslow shares her transformative journey from the constraints of purity culture to embracing a vibrant and fulfilling sexual life within marriage. She discusses the importance of understanding sexuality as a divine gift, the need for education and growth in sexual intimacy, and the detrimental effects of silence and shame surrounding women's sexuality. We also talk about the historical context that has shaped women's views on their bodies and sexuality, advocating for a shift towards embracing the beauty and joy of sexual expression as part of God's design. The conversation highlights the significance of vulnerability and open communication in fostering healthy sexual relationships. Takeaways Sex is often viewed as a man's need, which is a misconception. Understanding one's body and sexuality is crucial for growth. Silence around sexuality breeds shame and misunderstanding. Women often lack joy and ownership in their sexuality. Sexual intimacy is a key aspect of spiritual growth. Vulnerability is essential for meaningful sexual experiences. Healing from past shame can enhance sexual relationships. Sex is a gift that should be celebrated and explored. Community support is vital for women on this journey. Invite God into your bedroom for healing. Community and resources are essential for growth. Experiences in the sex trade highlight the need for compassion. Sexual healing is crucial for many individuals. Understanding female anatomy is vital for intimacy. Husbands should be students of their wives' bodies. Sexual intimacy should be nourishing, not performance-based. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … In this XTD conversation, Francie and I explore the sacredness of sexuality, the importance of community and education in sexual wholeness, and the need for healing in sexual relationships. We discuss personal experiences that shaped their understanding of sexuality, the role of husbands in nurturing intimacy, and the necessity of bringing light to often taboo conversations about sex. . Sponsors … Cure Hydration: Get 20% off your first order! Stay hydrated and feel your best by visiting https://curehydration.com/passion and using promo code passion at checkout. Alloy: Get your Alloy prescription today. Visit https://myalloy.com/PASSION today for $20 off your first order! #agegracefully Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post Reclaiming Women's Sexuality | Francie Winslow #720 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

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#554 Sex and the Female Body: How to Swap Shame For Celebration

Java with Juli

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 17, 2025 46:23

How can women overcome fear and shame around their bodies and embrace the beauty of God's design for sex? Whether from purity culture, other messages, or poor experiences, many women don't see their bodies and sex as good or beautiful. Francie Winslow, host of the podcast “Heaven in Your Home” went through her own struggle with this, and joins Juli to explain how she is learning to embrace the goodness of God's design. Guest: Francie Winslow Website: franciewinslow.com Instagram: @franciewinslow Strong Foundation To Starting Well: Claiming A Healthy Vision For Married Sex Pleasure & Orgasm: Passion & Practicals Of A Wife Receiving Pleasure Java with Juli: #550 What to Do When Sex is Painful Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

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252 Maximizing Sexual Connection as Newlyweds to Long Term Marriages and Recovering from a Sexless Marriage with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner

In This Together with Dr. Josh + Christi

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 27, 2025 58:11

*DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults 252. Maximizing Sexual Connection as Newlyweds to Long Term Marriages and Recovering from a Sexless Marriage with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Questions and Topics We Cover: What are a couple of your most important tips for newlyweds? What are your favorite recommendations to share with couples who want to be proactive and enhance their sexual intimacy, even if things are currently going pretty well? Will you define what constitutes a sexless marriage and share any trends you've seen over the years? Thank You to Our Sponsor: Sam Leman Eureka Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner are best known for their pioneer work in encouraging people of all faiths to connect their sexuality with their belief system ─ helping them embrace sex as good and of God. Dr. Clifford is a licensed clinical psychologist and Joyce is a registered nurse and clinical nurse specialist. They are highly respected authors and speakers, in addition to being parents and grandparents. Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner's Website At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Books By Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner: Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women The Married Guy's Guide to Great Sex Restoring the Pleasure The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment Sex FAQ We Didn't Have Time to Cover Today Information on Pelvic Pain Previous Savvy Sauce Episodes with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner: Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Maximizing Sexual Intimacy During the Three Most Challenging Phases of Marriage with Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Additional Previous Episodes on Sexual Intimacy on The Savvy Sauce: Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Hope For Treating Pelvic Pain with Tracey LeGrand Treatment for Sexual Issues with Certified Sex Therapist, Emma Schmidt Talking With Your Kids About Sex with Brian and Alison Sutter Natural Aphrodisiacs with Christian Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Douglas Rosenau Healthy Sexuality, Emotional Intelligence, and Parenting Children with Autism with Counselor, Lauren Dack Pain and Joy in Sexual Intimacy with Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Identifying and Fighting Human Trafficking with Dr. Jeff Waibel Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Cuthor, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma Enjoying Parenting and Managing Conversations About Sex with Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen Conflict Resolution, Infidelity, and Infertility with Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Hormones and Body Image with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery Female Orgasm with Sue Goldstein Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, and Treatments Available with Dr. Irwin Goldstein Turn Ons, Turn Offs, and Savoring Sex in Marriage with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Desire Discrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma Answering Listener's Questions About Sex with Kelli Willard Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder Supernatural Restoration Story with Bob and Audrey Meisner Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives with Drs. Scott and Melissa Symington Female Pornography Addiction and Meaningful Recovery with Crystal Renaud Day Building Lasting Relationships with Clarence and Brenda Shuler Healthy Ways for Females to Increase Sexual Enjoyment with Tracey LeGrand Pornography Healing for Spouses with Geremy Keeton Sexual Sin Recovery for You and Your Spouse (Part Two) Personal Development and Sexual Wholeness with Dr. Sibylle Georgianna Our Brain's Role in Sexual Intimacy with Angie Landry Discovering God's Design for Romance with Sharon Jaynes Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas Sex Series: God's Design and Warnings for Sex: An Interview with Mike Novotny Sex Series: Enhancing Female Pleasure and Enjoyment of Sex: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Degler Sex Series Orgasmic Potential, Pleasure, and Friendship: An Interview with Bonny Burns Sex Series: Sex Series: Healthy Self, Healthy Sex: An Interview with Gaye Christmus Sex Series: Higher Sexual Desire Wife: An Interview with J Parker Sex Series: Six Pillars of Intimacy with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo 215 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part One with Dr. Kris Christiansen 216 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part Two with Dr. Kris Christiansen 217 Tween/Teen Females: How to Navigate Changes during Puberty with Dr. Jennifer Degler 218 Secrets of Sex and Marriage: Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma 222 Pornography: Protecting Children and Personal Healing, Victory, and Recovery in Christ with Sam Black Special Patreon Release: Holy Sex: An Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery Special Patreon Release: His Desires and Her Desires in the Bedroom with Dr. Jennifer Konzen 224 Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage: An Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn 227 Resolving Conflict in Marriage with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo Patreon 28 Re-Release: Protecting Your Marriage Against Unfaithfulness with Dave Carder Patreon 23 Her Desires and His Desires in the Bedroom with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Patreon 26 Holy Sex with Dr. Juli Slattery Patreon 28 Protecting Your Marriage Against Unfaithfulness with Dave Carder Patreon 29 Remaining Sexually Engaged Through The Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma Patreon 49: Story of Healing from Sexual Betrayal in Marriage: An Interview with Bonny Burns Patreon 52 God, Sex, and Your Marriage with Dr. Juli Slattery Connect with The Savvy Sauce Our Website, Instagram or Facebook Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

god jesus christ amazon father art lord healing guide marriage design story holy spirit sex fun victory romans recovery ephesians podcasters hebrews philippians romance gift sexual intimacy pleasure autism long term recovering emotional intelligence spouse body image counselors maximizing psychologist affair warnings drs infertility bedroom infidelity clifford females spouses puberty enjoyment licensed professional counselor newlyweds biblical worldview military spouses sex lives licensed psychologist ordained minister turn offs sexual intimacy your marriage sexual pleasure have time certified sex therapist your spouse sexless marriage parenting children personal healing premature ejaculation amazon services llc associates program fighting human trafficking sexual function sexual wholeness niv romans christ jesus ephesians sexual betrayal sex a guide francie winslow joyce penner

209. Reclaiming Pleasure: A Journey of Healing

Heaven In Your Home

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 13, 2025 28:00

Welcome back to NEW episodes of the Heaven in Your Home podcast with Francie Winslow. Francie is back at the microphone after a season of personal challenges and reflection, with fresh enthusiasm to help you understand the beauty of your body and sexuality in the context of your faith. Your body is good, a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are diving into the often-taboo topic of female pleasure and sexuality, exploring how shame and disconnection can hinder intimacy in marriage. Let's reclaim our understanding of pleasure as a gift from God. And, let's talk about the healing and restorative power of sexual intimacy within a Christian framework. Episode Highlights: Return from a Season of Reflection The Importance of the Body in Faith Exploring Female Pleasure and Sexuality Navigating Sexuality in Christian Life Healing and Reclaiming Pleasure Embracing Pleasure and Vulnerability The Design of Pleasure: Understanding Our Bodies Invitation to Explore: Valuing Pleasure in Marriage Resources and Invitation to Go Deeper: Keep learning with Francie! Join the Circle group mentorship. This is a SWEET community of women, connected with the purpose of seeking God's heart for their reclaiming a redeemed view of sex and sexuality. Inside the circle, we will explore and discover the good news about God's heart for sex. Learn more here: The Circle 101 Course: Strong Foundations to Starting Well CLAIMING A HEALTHY VISION FOR MARRIED SEX To build a love that lasts, you must begin with a strong foundation. Whether you're newly engaged or in need of a new lens, this course is essential. You'll be equipped to set a Biblically integrated and practically grounded vision for sex, marriage and the calling to steward the gift of pleasure and intimacy. This course is pivotal as you begin to unlearn unhelpful perspectives and sift through shame, lies and painful messages you've received over the years. Learn more here. Donate to the Heaven in Your Home Ministry: Your one time donation will allow us to continue to produce and distribute teaching and resources. Thank you for partnering with us! Donate here. Connect with Francie: Receive Francie's weekly newsletter

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Sex Makes Everything Better: An Interview with Laura Dugger [Emotionally Healthy Marriage 4 of 5]

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 30, 2024 53:41

Welcome to episode 4 of 5 in our Summer Series called, Cultivating an Emotionally Healthy Marriage. Joining us for a conversation about sex is our dear friend, a licensed marriage and family therapist whose specialization in graduate school was sex therapy, Laura Dugger.In this episode, Laura talks about how sex makes everything better. Wait until you hear the research! With honesty, vulnerability, and a solid dose of fun, Josh and Christi's interview with Laura includes:The hidden benefits of sexHow to talk to your spouse about sexReasons for, and how to, schedule sexIndividual differences when it comes to sexThe God-given purpose of sex in marriage We hope you download the pdf files that go along with these episodes (found in show notes below) and use them in your small groups, with your spouse, or as a companion guide to the content.Show Notes: How Marriage is Saving Me: Sign up for weekly devotionalhttps://shorturl.at/NtnCq Download the free discussion guide pdf for the Summer Series. https://www.famousathome.com/summerseriessignup Ladies, register now for Tender & Fierce!https://www.famousathome.com/tenderandfierce Men, join the interest list for our exciting, upcoming men's discipleship journey! https://www.famousathome.com/mensinterestformListen to this episode on Youtube by clicking here.https://youtu.be/NzgcDR013P0RESOURCES MENTIONED BY LAURA DUGGER: Listen to the Savvy Sauce Podcast! hosted by Laura Duggerhttps://thesavvysauce.com/Dr. Jennifer Konzen podcast episode: Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzenhttps://shorturl.at/mPQvW Visit The Art of Intimate Marriage Website: Access to Dr. Konzen's book, podcast, sex therapist training, and a marriage video series.https://www.theartofintimatemarriage.com/Listen to Dr. Douglas Rosenau podcast episode: Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenauhttps://shorturl.at/EfLZ8Read A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas Rosenau: A guide to enjoying God's gift of sexual intimacyhttps://amzn.to/4cMWVfk Listen to Dr. Michael Sytsma podcast episode: Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsmahttps://shorturl.at/A2pHOListen to Francie Winslow podcast episodes: Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1https://shorturl.at/Mx9Iw Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2https://tinyurl.com/bddr6b58 Listen to Drs. Clifford and Joyce Penner podcast episode: Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce Pennerhttps://tinyurl.com/5n897dpn Time stamps:(0:38) Introduction(3:31) An introduction to Laura Dugger(6:00) Laura's journey into becoming a sex therapist(8:15) Disclaimer about the sex conversation(9:33) Specific ways sex makes everything in your life better(11:28) Biblical foundation for sex(15:45) Addressing body image(21:11) Healthy ways to have conversation about sex(27:30) Common differences in couples(31:08) Purity culture, pornography, and rewiring our brains for healthy connection(33:35) Talking about desire discrepancy and scheduling sex(38:27) Testosterone in women and best time of day for sex(40:40) One piece of advice for husbands(42:44) One piece of advice for wives(44:54) How to know when to reach out for outside support(49:00) The last word

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God's Gift of Physical Intimacy in Marriage // Marriage Series Encore, part 4

REJOICING IN MOTHERHOOD - Christian moms, Spirit-filled parenting, marriage, homeschool, big family

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2024 47:34

Francie Winslow joins me in this encore episode to talk about the amazing gift of physical intimacy in marriage. You will be blessed and uplifted by her candidness and her refreshing perspective on God's precious gift. *PLEASE NOTE* If you usually listen with your children around, you may want to hear this episode in your headphones first. We discuss physical intimacy in marriage and use physiological names for body parts. Join my free email list here Connect with me on Instagram Ask a question on a future show

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178: Why Christians Should Be Having the Best Sex, Featuring Francie Winslow

Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 15, 2024 39:26

Can you relate? Growing up in a good, Christian family, you conversations about sex were mostly about biological reproduction or God's word on chastity. Perhaps those conversations served you well as a teenager, but after married, you're left with a lot of questions and maybe even painful experiences as the realities of sex and marriage didn't fit with what you thought it would be. I used to think sexuality and spirituality were incompatible. However, after digging into our own Christian theology, I came to understand that it supports embodiment, sensuality, and sexuality in a very positive way. I look around and I see a God who is powerful, creative, passionate, and very personal. Of all the religions, I think ours ought to be the most sex positive. Even if you're not a Christian, there's no denying that some of the most meaningful experiences we can have is being loved and desired deeply by another person and experiencing a special kind of pleasure. And this experience is spiritual and transcendent. My guest today is Francie Winslow, a friend and the fellow podcaster. And here's some of what we talk about: Francie's story of sexual healing and growth How frequency of sexual experiences doesn't automatically translate to quality of sexual experiences How sex fits with spirituality Connected to the deeper meaning of sensuality to God's design for us Advice on creating margin in your lifestyle, so you have time and energy leftover to invest in your marriage relationship Francie's black belt sex tip at the end, which my wife and I have tried it out since the time we recorded this episode. We had such a great time doing it, we're definitely going to make it a regular part of what we do! Find out more! You can also find this episode on our YouTube channel! You may also be interested in following us on Instagram or downloading our free app, Intimately Us!

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224 Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage: An Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn

Food Freedom and Fertility Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 12, 2024 55:51

*DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults 224 Surprising Discoveries of Sex in Marriage: An Interview with Shaunti Feldhahn Deuteronomy 29:29a (NKJV) "The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us" Questions and Topics We Cover: Are there any specific questions you recommend we ask our spouse periodically? Will you elaborate on your finding that "men and women tend to have different insecurities that the process of sex can help heal or hurt"? You write "Having a comfortable way to signal (and receive) openness or interest will create connection and prevent much pain." So, how can couples begin to develop their own private language or signals to communicate effectively in a healthy manner? Thank you to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Shaunti Feldhahn received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author, and popular speaker. Today, Shaunti applies her analytical skills to investigate eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, The Kindness Challenge, and Thriving in Love & Money, have sold more than 3 million copies in 25 languages. Her books and studies are popular in homes, counseling centers, and corporations worldwide. Shaunti (often with her husband, Jeff) has spoken around the world, sharing her findings with audiences ranging from churches to women's and marriage conferences to arena events to youth camps and cruises (yes, those are particularly painful…). Her research and commentary are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, The New York Times and MomLife Today. Shaunti, Jeff, and their two children live in Atlanta and enjoy every minute of living life at warp speed. Secrets of Sex and Marriage Website Previous Episodes on Sexual Intimacy on The Savvy Sauce: Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Hope For Treating Pelvic Pain with Tracey LeGrand Treatment for Sexual Issues with Certified Sex Therapist, Emma Schmidt Talking With Your Kids About Sex with Brian and Alison Sutter Natural Aphrodisiacs with Christian Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Douglas Rosenau Healthy Sexuality, Emotional Intelligence, and Parenting Children with Autism with Counselor, Lauren Dack Pain and Joy in Sexual Intimacy with Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Identifying and Fighting Human Trafficking with Dr. Jeff Waibel Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Cuthor, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma Enjoying Parenting and Managing Conversations About Sex with Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen 63 Maximizing Sexual Intimacy During the Three Most Challenging Phases of Marriage with Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Conflict Resolution, Infidelity, and Infertility with Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Hormones and Body Image with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery Female Orgasm with Sue Goldstein Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, and Treatments Available with Dr. Irwin Goldstein Turn Ons, Turn Offs, and Savoring Sex in Marriage with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Desire Discrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma Answering Listener's Questions About Sex with Kelli Willard Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder Supernatural Restoration Story with Bob and Audrey Meisner Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives with Drs. Scott and Melissa Symington Female Pornography Addiction and Meaningful Recovery with Crystal Renaud Day Building Lasting Relationships with Clarence and Brenda Shuler Healthy Ways for Females to Increase Sexual Enjoyment with Tracey LeGrand Pornography Healing for Spouses with Geremy Keeton Sexual Sin Recovery for You and Your Spouse (Part Two) Personal Development and Sexual Wholeness with Dr. Sibylle Georgianna Our Brain's Role in Sexual Intimacy with Angie Landry Discovering God's Design for Romance with Sharon Jaynes Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas Sex Series: God's Design and Warnings for Sex: An Interview with Mike Novotny Sex Series: Enhancing Female Pleasure and Enjoyment of Sex: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Degler Sex Series Orgasmic Potential, Pleasure, and Friendship: An Interview with Bonny Burns Sex Series: Sex Series: Healthy Self, Healthy Sex: An Interview with Gaye Christmus Sex Series: Higher Sexual Desire Wife: An Interview with J Parker Sex Series: Six Pillars of Intimacy with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo 215 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part One with Dr. Kris Christiansen 216 Enriching Women's Sexual Function, Part Two with Dr. Kris Christiansen 217 Tween/Teen Females: How to Navigate Changes during Puberty with Dr. Jennifer Degler 218 Secrets of Sex and Marriage: Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Patreon 23 Her Desires and His Desires in the Bedroom with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Patreon 26 Holy Sex with Dr. Juli Slattery Patreon 28 Protecting Your Marriage Against Unfaithfulness with Dave Carder Patreon 29 Remaining Sexually Engaged Through The Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma Patreon 49: Story of Healing from Sexual Betrayal in Marriage: An Interview with Bonny Burns Patreon 52 God, Sex, and Your Marriage with Dr. Juli Slattery Shaunti's Previous Episode on The Savvy Sauce: Understanding Men and Women Better with Shaunti Feldhahn Shaunti's Co-Author's Most Recent Episode on The Savvy Sauce: Secrets of Sex and Marriage: Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Also, check out our Patreon Page to find out how to gain access to additional podcasts and goodies! Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

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165: Finding Pleasure In Our Sexuality with Francie Winslow

Kingdom Sexuality

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 8, 2024 50:36

You're not going to miss this incredible interview Alana and Tiera had with Francie Winslow. She get's vulnerable and shares her journey towards healing from purity culture, how husbands can help their wives desire intimacy, and how we can experience pleasure everywhere. Links from today's episode: Heaven In Your Home Podcast FrancieWinslow.com ⁠Get on the waitlist for February's Unite & Ignite membership!!⁠ Want more from Kingdom Sexuality? Come hang out! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook Group⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Want to hear YOUR review at the beginning of an episode??? Leave one on Apple Podcasts or send us a DM on Instagram- you might just hear it in the next one!

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#129 Francie Winslow [Strengthen Your Marriage with Intimacy]

Girls Talking Life

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 20, 2023 39:47

What negative beliefs have you internalized about sex? Do you think of intimacy as a good gift from God? For much of human history, intimacy has been a place of pain and brokenness, an area where we have lacked discipleship. So I would be remiss not to include this topic in our Strengthen Your Marriage series. Francie Winslow is on the show today and she's letting us in on her healing journey when it comes to sex, marriage, and the mission of God. She invites us to heal, find freedom, and shift our mindsets to more accurately reflect what God intended for us. Francie's ministry includes sexual discipleship for women. She teaches, not as an expert, but as a Christian woman pursuing healing and wholeness for herself, rooted in Scripture and theology. You'll hear us talk about… Correcting wrong beliefs about sexuality God's design for intimacy Vulnerability with your husband Overcoming barriers to intimacy Connecting to your body Francie has a BA in Political Science and a Masters in Evangelism and Leadership from Wheaton College in Wheaton, Il. She lives in Northern Virginia and is crazy about life with her husband and their five kids. Francie currently ministers as a podcast host, mentor, writer and as a speaker for churches and women's conferences. GET THE SERIES REFLECTION GUIDE GET ALL THE SHOW NOTES

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065 Hope After Pornography -- A Deeper Discussion

Fearless in Love

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 16, 2023 30:55

Kristin was recently a guest on the Heaven in your Home podcast with Francie Winslow where they discussed hope after pornography. We encourage you to listen to Kristin and Francie's discussion before listening to this podcast. The Heaven in your Home episode was released on October 9, 2023 and was episode 173. Here is a link to the podcast on Spotify and Apple: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3XpxQesHBfy7g4z6JIKDFo?si=c70b6bb0b41b4186 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/173-hope-after-pornography-with-kristin-richardson/id1493541368?i=1000630651569 In this episode we discuss Todd's response to Kristin's discussion with Francie and discuss more about our story and the power of hope. If you would like to contact us, you can email us at fearlessinlovepodcast@gmail.com. We would love to hear from you!

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Body Image, Sex, & Marriage Featuring Francie Winslow (Part 2)

Compared to Who?

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 22, 2023 37:03

This is part two of an interview with the amazing Francie Winslow, a bold woman of God who hosts a podcast about sex in marriage! Go listen to part one of this interview first before you dig into today's great show! Heather and Francie cover a lot of ground today, talking about what to do if body image issues are impacting your sex life. Here are 3 key takeaways from this episode: Sex is connected to our entire life story: It's not just a disconnected act, but rather an opportunity for naked vulnerability and acceptance, mirroring the love and grace found in the gospel. Let's shift the focus from the culture of pornography and physical pleasure to experiencing love and oneness, resulting in a life-giving and fulfilling sexual journey. Nourishing our bodies and souls: Our bodies are sacred and temples of God. Let's embrace them as vessels of God's spirit and recognize that pleasure and intimacy are God's provisions for healing and nourishment. Reclaim your body as something good that God created and see sex as an act of worship. Let's break the silence and stigma surrounding this important topic and create a healthy dialogue within our faith communities. Overcoming challenges: Whether you're struggling with vaginismus, dealing with the aftermath of purity culture, or seeking to strengthen your connection with your partner, there is hope and support available. There are practical resources available to help address and heal sexual challenges. It's time to understand the spiritual connection to our bodies for breakthroughs in our sexual journeys in marriage. Connect with Francie Winslow at: www.franciewinslow.com or listen to the Heaven in Your Home podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heaven-in-your-home/id1493541368 Connect with Heather and Compared to Who? and learn more about the upcoming course and coaching opportunities at: www.improvebodyimage.com Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

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Body Image, Sex, and Your Marriage with Francie Winslow

Compared to Who?

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 18, 2023 23:55

Francie Winslow of the Heaven in Your Home podcast joins Heather for a vulnerable, authentic, and helpful conversation about sex and body image issues. Francie opens up about her own struggles with feeling average and not measuring up to society's standards of beauty. Throughout the conversation, we explore the idea that true beauty lies in the confidence that comes from God alone, not from having the body of your dreams. Francie shares her own journey of discovering the importance of being receptive to marital intimacy and embracing her own sexual pleasure. We discuss the challenges women face in being receivers and offer practical advice for overcoming insecurities. It's a conversation filled with vulnerability, healing, and biblical insights. Connect with Francie Winslow and check out the Heaven in Your Home podcast here: https://franciewinslow.com Connect to Heather and Compared to Who? here and learn more about starting on your journey to body image freedom: www.comparedtowho.me or improvebodyimage.com Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

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#468 Teaching Your Kids How to Love Their Bodies with Francie Winslow

Java with Juli

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 5, 2023 36:00

How do we teach kids that God made their bodies and that He made their bodies good? Are there creative and intentional ways to connect with kids and help them develop a Biblical theology around their bodies? In this episode, Juli connects with her friend Francie Winslow, a mother of six on a mission to imprint upon the hearts of her children the beauty of God's design of their bodies and vision for their sexuality. Guest: Francie Winslow Francie's Instagram: @franciewinslow Francie's Website: franciewinslow.com/ Podcast: Heaven in Your Home Album: Heaven in Your Home Family Music Blog: 5 Reasons You're Not Talking to Your Kids About Sex (and How to Overcome Them) Java with Juli: #460 How to Have Mini and Many Conversations About Sexuality With Your Kids

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God's Design for Sex and How to Hold to The Goodness Sex Brings Marriages In Hard Seasons

Play Episode Listen Later May 22, 2023 75:54

In this episode of Food, Freedom and Fertility, we discuss God's Design for Sex and how to hold the goodness sex brings marriages during the hard season. We delve into the topics of sex and intimacy, challenges when trying to conceive and exploring a deeper understanding of connection within relationships. We have Francie Winslow, host of Heaven in Your Home Podcast that talks about sex, marriage and the mission of God. The discussion begins with Francie sharing her personal story of her relationship wiht god and the concept of purity and the potential challenges faced by individuals who struggle to embrace their sexuality after marriage, leading to feelings of disconnection and how to get through those. Francie invites listeners to consider God's purpose and intent for intimacy, drawing inspiration from the biblical account of Adam and Eve. The idea that becoming "one flesh" extends beyond physical union is explored, highlighting the notion that fruitful living encompasses bringing forth goodness and benefiting the world through intimate connections. Moving forward, the episode discusses how sex can feel more like a job or chore within the infertility community. Caitlin and Francie also discuss intimacy with your partner and offer practical thoughts for those who feel exhausted or stuck in a sexual rut. The importance of viewing intimacy in a broader context is emphasized, with an emphasis on understanding that sex is more than a mere act. Genuine connection, vulnerability, and prioritizing one's unashamed, authentic self are vital aspects of nurturing and nourishing each other in a relationship.This concept can get lost when a couple's focus is trying to conceive. The discussion continues by stressing the significance of building and maintaining connection and intimacy, particularly during challenging seasons. Practical tips for jump-starting marital connections are shared, aiming to reignite passion and intimacy. Shifting gears, the podcast delves into a candid conversation about female pleasure, providing insights into women's anatomy, such as the clitoris, and the importance of understanding individual preferences and pacing in order to experience pleasure. The episode mentions resources like Bonnie Burns' book "Unlock Your Orgasm," which offers guidance on enhancing intimacy and exploring pleasure within relationships. Concluding the episode, the focus turns to nurturing intimacy during pregnancy when individuals may not feel their most beautiful. Francie and Caitlin disucss various ways to build intimacy during this transformative period, encouraging listeners to explore the different facets of connection beyond physical appearance. Overall, this episode serves as an enlightening and thought-provoking exploration of sex, intimacy, and connection, encouraging listeners to stay connected during the more difficlt times. If you would like to learn more about Francie Winsow you can visit her website: www.FrancieWinslow.com Thank you to our Season 2 Sponsors. Be sure to use the code on their site for a Food, Freedom and Fertility discount. Proov Testing Kit and online app 15% OFF in $15 or more FFF15 FullWell: FFF10 10% pre-natal, fish oil or men's pre-natal The Prenatal Nutrition Library: FFF20 20% You can find us on IG at FoodFreedomFertility

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#782 "How to Have a Body Conversation with Your Kids" with Francie Winslow and Alisa

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2023 39:48

Having Francie Winslow here with us on the podcast is always a delight, and as you'll hear, she's not afraid to unpack tough topics—like the body and sexuality. Today, she's sitting down with Alisa to share how parents can learn to navigate this topic well with their kids. Francie explains why and how our bodies are meant to know God and show God, and you'll learn why this matters. She's also giving us easy steps to begin the conversation and even teaches us to use music as a fun starting place. If you've ever felt this topic was too daunting, Francie breaks it down with love and wisdom. Francie has a passion for teaching the heart of God for bodies, sexuality, family, and the home. This busy mom of six just released her new program, Heaven in Your Home Family Music, where she's bringing the power of music to spark conversations with kids around their bodies. She also hosts the podcast Heaven in Your Home. You can connect with Francie at franciewinslow.com. Ready to go deeper? We just launched our new challenge, Jesus Revealed: An Active Devotional! You'll journey through the seven 'I Am' statements of Jesus while you move your body with six REVING the Words and one Be Still and Be Loved. You'll also have a devotional for each statement that will help guide your exploration into the revelation of Jesus. You can head over to the RW App to get signed up today! Have you downloaded the RW App yet? Before you hit play, go to the app store and download the free RW App. You can also check out our exclusive REVING the Word episodes for RW+ subscribers! Try RW+ out free for seven days and press play on our brand new workout, RevXing the Word. We love our Rev community and think you will too! Be sure to get connected with us at: The Official Revelation Wellness Facebook / Instagram / RevWell TV / Youtube Your reviews matter to us and help spread the good news, so please leave us one where you listen to your podcast! If we read your review on our show, we'll send you a gift from the Revelation Wellness Store! We'd also love to hear from you! So leave us a VOICE MESSAGE here! Tell us what you thought about this episode and how God met you in this episode.

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#782 "How to Have a Body Conversation with Your Kids" with Francie Winslow and Alisa

Dear Young Married Couple

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2023 39:48

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God Wants You to ENJOY Sex w/ Francie Winslow

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 21, 2023 44:46

Women, how do you see your body? Do you see it the way God does? Did you know that He designed sex to be pleasurable, AND designed parts of your body with no other function but for the sole purpose of PLEASURE? Sister, it's time to shift into an all-encompassing sexual experience with your husband. Tune into this episode to hear more!

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Ep. 96: Sexual Intimacy in Marriage with Francie Winslow

Mom to Mom Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 14, 2023 30:18

Mamas, God designed sex and it is a great gift to us in marriage, but sometimes it can also lead to frustrations and hurt feelings. The world has such a fractured view of sex, but we think part of the reason sex has become so distorted in our culture is that we're not having these kinds of conversations. We're sure you can tell by the title of this episode that this is not going to be a G-rated discussion! Now would be a great time to hit pause if there are kids around and find a way to listen privately, perhaps even alone with your spouse. We're talking about sex today with our friend Francie Winslow, the host of the Heaven in Your Home podcast and an outspoken advocate for Biblical intimacy between husbands and wives. Join us for this hard, yet importantly honest, discussion. Find more from Francie at her website, www.franciewinslow.com and as always, join the conversation with us on Instagram at @momtomompodcast.

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Purity before marriage (what does the Bible really say?)

Million Praying Moms

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 7, 2023 46:03

I am a child of the 90s, and I vividly remember going to a True Love Waits rally where the speaker held up beautiful rose and slowly began tearing its petals off one by one until there was nothing but an ugly stump left. Of course, this was meant to illustrate what happens to our hearts when we choose to give ourselves away over and over before marriage, but there was always something about that image that didn't sit well with me. Why? Because it completely leaves out God's ability to redeem and restore things that are dead. Many people who were influenced by this message have come forward saying it hurt them more than it helped them. Because of that, I wanted to take a deep look at how it has affected us as women, and what the true message of the Bible is about purity...so we can teach our children what's true and good, and so that we can find healing if we need it. Join me and my special guest, Francie Winslow, as we talk about: The good and bad things that came from the purity movement of the 90s. What the Bible actually says about purity. The biggest hurts and challenges women of the 90s face related to the purity movement. How to find healing and move forward with hope. How to pray for our children as it relates to their purity. Tune in now! LINKS: Show Notes Get the Psalms Part 2 Prayer Calendar Praying for Your Child's Purity

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Sex Questions Married Women are Too Afraid to Ask with Francie Winslow

The Girl Defined Show

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 30, 2023 50:33

Ep. 112 - Married women have tons of burning questions about intimacy and sex. "Where did my libido go the second I got married?" and "I've never had an orgasm. How can I overcome this?" and "How to know what's okay in bed and what's not?" The list goes on. Christian married women need help, direction and hope in this area. Google isn't cutting it. We need real advice from a real sex expert. Join us today as we ask Francie Winslow many crucial questions about married sex. To learn more about God's design for sexuality, gender, and Biblical womanhood, grab a copy of: Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girls Heart.NEW Personal Retreat Journal Girl Defined: God's Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity Not Part of the Plan: Trusting God with the Twists and Turns of Your Story Love Defined: Embracing God's Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships Shine Bright Devotional 8-Week Girl Defined Mentorship Course Biblical Counseling Link CONNECT WITH FRANCIE WINSOW Heaven in Your HomeSupport the showFOLLOW US:GirlDefined.comInstagram YouTube Facebook Pinterest

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BONUS REPLAY: Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage: An Interview with Francie Winslow, Part 2

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 19, 2022 43:02

Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage: An Interview with Francie Winslow, Part 2 "Therefore my people have gone into captivity, Because they have no knowledge;" Isaiah 5:13 NKJV Questions and Topics We Discuss: Will you elaborate on the science of sex? When two become one, what has God designed to occur at a hormonal level? What is your best list of benefits that come from a husband and wife connecting sexually on a regular basis? Jesus captured Francie's heart at a young age, and she has been on an adventure following Him since then, fueled by a love for His word and His presence. As a young woman Francie served in Mother Theresa's home for the dying in Kolkata, sat in brothels with girls trapped in the sex trade of Chang Mai, slept in the bush of Namibia to reach tribal people and orphans with the Gospel of Jesus, visited the homes of the poor in the Dominican Republic, and helped with the rebuilding and development of a village in Sri Lanka after the 2004 tsunami. For the past few years, Francie has been focused on writing and speaking about God's good gift of intimacy in marriage. She's been featured on Christianity Today's blog and Moody Radio, The Don't Mom Alone Podcast, and Java with Juli, and several others as she shares about the power of sex in marriage. Most recently, she's launched a podcast called Heaven in Your Home where she talks all about sex, marriage and the mission of God. In it all, Francie is passionate about inviting others to experience God's tangible love that has the ability to transform every area of life. Francie has a BA in Political Science and a Masters degree in Evangelism and Leadership from Wheaton College in Wheaton, Il. She currently lives in the suburbs of Washington DC with her six kids and husband. Francie Winslow's Website Francie Winslow's Podcast Episodes with Dr. Michael Sytsma on The Savvy Sauce: Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse Desire DIscrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma Remaining Sexually Engaged Through the Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma (Paying Patrons Only) At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Francie's Green Superfood Recommendation Recommended Resources to Learn about Sex: Celebration of Sex The Art of Intimate Marriage Passion Pursuit Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women Restoring the Pleasure The Married Guy's Guide to Great Sex Additional Recommended Resources at www.thesavvysauce.com Thank You to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Top Ten from 2021: #4 Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects: An Interview with Francie Winslow, Part 1

REJOICING IN MOTHERHOOD - Christian moms, Spirit-filled parenting, marriage, homeschool, big family

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 18, 2022 43:52

Top Ten from 2021: #4 Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects: An Interview with Francie Winslow, Part 1 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3+4 NIV Questions and Topics We Discuss: What has the Lord taught you about sexual intimacy within marriage? How does sex that happens in the secret place inside our marriage overflow to the rest of our lives, benefitting each arena? What are a few positive messages to replace the negative lies we've previously bought into about sex? Jesus captured Francie's heart at a young age, and she has been on an adventure following Him since then, fueled by a love for His word and His presence. As a young woman Francie served in Mother Theresa's home for the dying in Kolkata, sat in brothels with girls trapped in the sex trade of Chang Mai, slept in the bush of Namibia to reach tribal people and orphans with the Gospel of Jesus, visited the homes of the poor in the Dominican Republic, and helped with the rebuilding and development of a village in Sri Lanka after the 2004 tsunami. For the past few years, Francie has been focused on writing and speaking about God's good gift of intimacy in marriage. She's been featured on Christianity Today's blog and Moody Radio, The Don't Mom Alone Podcast, and Java with Juli, and several others as she shares about the power of sex in marriage. Most recently, she's launched a podcast called Heaven in Your Home where she talks all about sex, marriage and the mission of God. In it all, Francie is passionate about inviting others to experience God's tangible love that has the ability to transform every area of life. Francie has a BA in Political Science and a Masters degree in Evangelism and Leadership from Wheaton College in Wheaton, Il. She currently lives in the suburbs of Washington DC with her six kids and husband. Francie Winslow's Website Francie Winslow's Podcast Thank You to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

61. Creating Heaven in Your Home through Intimacy with Francie Winslow

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2022 47:34

Today I am delighted to welcome Francie Winslow of Heaven in Your Home Podcast to the show! She has a wonderful testimony and wisdom to share with us about the blessing of our bodies and physical intimacy with our husbands. I know you will be as blessed and encouraged as I was! Connect with Francie: franciewinslow.com Heaven in Your Home Podcast Instagram @franciewinslow For show notes and more, visit kirstenvossler.com

intimacy francie creating heaven francie winslow

How to Enjoy Sex as a Newlywed Couple

The Girl Defined Show

Play Episode Listen Later May 23, 2022 65:09

Ep. 078 - We are going there. We're having an open and honest conversation about sex as a newlywed couple. This has been a highly requested topic and we're excited to offer some practical, spiritual and insightful advice for this area of your marriage. Today is extra special. We brought Francie Winslow from Heaven in Your Home to share her best advice on sex. We also brought Clint and Charity from Restored 2 More on the show as well. They shared such helpful and practical advice on this topic. This is an episode you'll want to share with all of your married friends. It filled with incredible biblical truth. Grab the Marriage Guide - 150 Questions to Strengthen Your Marriage SALE - Sex, Purity and the Longings of a Girl's Heart BookAdditional Links Mentioned in the Show Connect with Francie Winslow Connect with Clint and Charity Body Talk Basics Intended for Pleasure book Dear Young Married CoupleGirl Defined Resources Not Part of the Plan: Trusting God with the Twists and Turns of Your Story Love Defined Book Girl Defined Book Shine Bright Devotional 8-Week Girl Defined Mentorship Course Biblical Counseling Link Support the show

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Sex and Struggles in Marriage: Openly Discussing God's Design, Intimacy, Pleasure in Marriage

Politely Rude With Abby Johnson

Play Episode Listen Later May 16, 2022 50:07

Abby is joined by Francie Winslow, an expert in helping people rediscover "God's design for connection and intimacy in your marriage." Join Abby and Francie as they navigate sex, intimacy, and struggles in marriage — and point people to God's design for intimacy and pleasure. *** CAUTION: Adult conversations are discussed in this episode, which is not suitable for young audiences. FOLLOW ABBY: - Subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platforms - Follow Abby on Twitter - Follow Abby on Facebook - Follow Abby on Instagram FOLLOW FRANCIE: - Follow Francie on Facebook

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A Moment For Shoutouts

This Changed My Life, with Emilie McCormack

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 11, 2022 7:02

I am deeply encouraged and impacted by leaders, authors, and pastors all over the world (thanks to internet!). I wanted to take one episode just to do some shoutouts for people I love and am deeply encouraged by. I think you should follow them on social media, read their books or blogs, and listen to their podcasts- I know you will be encouraged! I could have listened 50 more, but here are the names of people I talked about on this episode: Jess Connolly, Francie Winslow, Alisa Keeton, Christine Caine, Anjuli Paschall, Katia Adams, Maverick City Music, Derwin Gray, & Jackie Hill Perry. And here is the link for the tanning drops I can't stop taking about: https://amzn.to/3NZqLSs

shoutouts christine caine jackie hill perry maverick city music derwin gray jess connolly alisa keeton francie winslow

“How To Experience Heaven In Your Bedroom." - with Christian Sexpert Francie Winslow

POPlitics

Play Episode Listen Later Mar 11, 2022 65:40

Get ready for all the sex advice we SHOULD be equipping young women with: How can Christian women shed shame about sex and embrace it as a God-given gift for marriage? What ripple effects can an amazing sex life have on your family and even society? What to do if you're experiencing trouble having an orgasm? What are some tips for becoming a more sensual woman?Host of ‘Heaven In Your Home' podcast, Francie Winslow, walks us through her best practices on how to have an amazing married sex life.WATCH this interview on the POPlitics YouTube HERE at midnight eastern.New episodes of ‘The Spillover' post every Friday at Midnight Eastern. Subscribe to this podcast and leave a 5-star review.Conservatives talk a lot about the propaganda that saturates Hollywood. The fashion industry is no different. Everyone from small clothing lines to big designer brands typically fund left-leaning causes. Not These Three Boutique. Their clothes are trendy, affordable, and they support freedom. Find them on Instagram @shopthesethree and use code TPUSA30 for 30% off your order.

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Ep.319: Sacred Sex with Dr. Juli Slattery & Francie Winslow

The Open Door Sisterhood Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 22, 2022 35:48

The dream team is back for Part 2 of our Marriage and Sex mini-series. Dr. Juli Slattery and Francie Winslow help us understand why healthy sexuality is a vital part of our marriages and how we can overcome lies and previous barriers or pain and move forward. Whether you have been married twenty five years or three months, this episode will help offer a Godly perspective and encourage you to lean in to sex the way God intended. If you are looking for wisdom in this area, you will find it here. Java with Juli Podcast Heaven in Your Home Podcast with Francie WInslow Finding the Hero in Your Husband by Juli Slattery Rethinking Sexuality by Juli Slattery and Gary Thomas The Married Guy's Guide To Great Sex by Cliff and Joyce Penner A Celebration of Sex

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Ep.318: Hope for Your Marriage with Dr. Juli Slattery and Francie Winslow

The Open Door Sisterhood Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2022 37:55

We start at the top of this episode saying we've got the "dream team" on. We're not joking. Dr. Juli Slattery and our dear friend Francie Winslow are two of our favorite women. They bring wisdom and roots into any conversation having to do with marriage. And since we can't get enough of them, we're bringing them back next week for Part 2. In this first half of our conversation we talk about why marriage matters, the power a wife holds in a marriage, and whose responsibility it is to change when things aren't going well. This isn't a conversation that pretends everything is easy or all of our marriages are conflict-free, it IS a conversation however that reminds us that marriage is about a bigger story and putting the effort in to work toward health is worth the work. If you are struggling to remember when things were good, if you are needing a reminder about the purpose of marriage, if you simply don't know where to start in choosing hope, this conversation could be for you. Juli and Francie are a trusted pair. They have your best interest in mind and remind us all that God is for us and for marriage.

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172 Intentional Marriage and Parenting with Drew and Sara Anthony

In This Together with Dr. Josh + Christi

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 14, 2022 62:20

Intentional Marriage and Parenting with Drew and Sara Anthony Psalm 16:11 (NIV) "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Drew and Sara Anthony will celebrate 28 years of marriage this year. They have 4 children ranging in age from 16-24. In addition, they run a house flipping business together. Drew and Sara recently discovered a passion for sailing. They combined their love for sailing and heart for helping strengthen marriages by leading marriage sailing adventures. They've seen God at work throughout their whole marriage and for that they are so grateful. Questions and Topics We Discuss: Were there any traditions or habits you established as an engaged or newlywed couple that set you up for success? As you reflect back, what are some things you did during the season of raising little children that you now see the payoff as they are becoming adults? How have you kept the romance alive through all these stages of marriage? Sara's Blog Post on Her Goal Group Marriage Themed Podcast Episodes on The Savvy Sauce: A God-Honoring Relationship Between a Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law with Annie Chapman Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Hope For Treating Pelvic Pain with Tracey LeGrand How to Align Your Finances with Your Values with Natalie Taylor Managing Family, Career, and Health with Leslie Neslage Reflecting Jesus in Our Relationships with Rach Kincaid Treatment for Sexual Issues with Certified Sex Therapist, Emma Schmidt Talking With Your Kids About Sex with Brian and Alison Sutter Gender Differences and Common Conflict in Relationships with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George Being Intentional with Marriage, Parenting, Rest, Personal development, and Leadership with Pastor, Podcaster, and Author, Jeff Henderson Patreon 4 Understanding Service Marriages with Licensed Professional Counselor, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers Practical Steps for Discipling Our Children with Licensed Professional Counselor, Jen Rathmell Natural Aphrodisiacs with Christian Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Douglas Rosenau Practical Parenting Tools with Author and Speaker, Sue Heimer Understanding and Utilizing the Enneagram in Your Life with Enneagram Coach, Beth McCord Deep Dive into the Enneagram with Your Enneagram Coach, Beth McCord Healthy Sexuality, Emotional Intelligence, and Parenting Children with Autism with Counselor, Lauren Dack Pain and Joy in Sexual Intimacy with Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Understanding Gender Differences in Marriage with Dr. Ted and Ang Bryant Marriage and Motherhood with Counselor, Wife, and Mother to 5, Aja Duncan Top 10 Listener Questions Related to the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Relationship with author, Annie Chapman Practical Life Tips with Blogger, Rach Kincaid Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Families with Licensed Professional Counselor, Author, Podcaster, and 2015 Military Spouse of the Year, Corie Weathers Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma Perspective in Parenting in the Midst of Sorrow, Betrayal, and Grief with Former Children's Pastor, Teacher, and Writer, Penny Harrison Enjoying Parenting and Managing Conversations About Sex with Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen Understanding the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator to Improve Your Marriage, Family, and Work Relationships Marital Communication and Intentional Family Life with Author, Speaker, and Podcaster, Susan Seay Maximizing Sexual Intimacy During the Three Most Challenging Phases of Marriage with Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Stress Management, Self-Care, and Offering Grace to Important People in Our Life with Author and Popular Speaker, Jill Savage Simple Solutions to Help You Prepare For, Enrich, or Save Your Marriage with Dr. Matthew Turvey Thriving at Work, Home, and Life with Author, Blogger, Podcaster, and Business Owner, Crystal Paine Understanding Temperaments to Improve Your Relationships Part 1 with Author and Communication Coach, Kathleen Edelman Understanding Temperaments to Improve Your Relationships Part 2 with Author and Communication Coach, Kathleen Edelman Effective Parenting for Toddlers Through College with Wife, Mother to 8, and The Exchange Founder, Elizabeth Pehrson Conflict Resolution, Infidelity, and Infertility with Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese Parenting the Prodigal Child And God's Desire For Redemption With Mother-Daughter Duo, Claire Stanfill and Tindell Baldwin Radical Business and Radical Parenting with Gary & Marla Ringger, Founders of Lifesong for Orphans Hormones and Body Image with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George Traveling with Your Family with Katie Mueller Fruitful with Laura Dugger Ordering Your Priorities with Kat Lee 5 Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman Four Personality Types with Dale Wilsher Visionary Parenting and Grand-Parenting with Dr. Rob Rienow Applying Business Strategies to Your Home Management with Susan Seay Passion Pursuit with Dr. Juli Slattery Technology and Parenting with Arlene Pellicane The Enneagram Explained with Sarajane Case of Enneagram & Coffee Understanding Men and Women Better with Shaunti Feldhahn Female Orgasm with Sue Goldstein Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, and Treatments Available with Dr. Irwin Goldstein Understanding and Delighting in Our Differences with Bill & Pam Farrel Guiding Our Children Through Their Emotions with Julie Roth Thriving with Kids at Home During Quarantine with Amanda Leman Turn Ons, Turn Offs, and Savoring Sex in Marriage with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Making Family Memories with Jessica Smartt Desire Discrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma Ways to Enjoy Summer with Your Family with Krista Gilbert Answering Listener's Questions About Sex with Kelli Willard Communication and Healthy Conflict Resolution with Kelley Gray Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder Powerful Purpose of Introverts with Holley Gerth Building Love Together in Blended Families with Ron Deal Supernatural Restoration Story with Bob and Audrey Meisner Living Intentionally with Shunta Grant Romantic Love in Marriage with Dr. Willard Harvey Parenting All Temperaments with Jenny Boyett Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives with Drs. Scott and Melissa Symington Female Pornography Addiction and Meaningful Recovery with Crystal Renaud Day Rhythms of Renewal with Gabe and Rebekah Lyons Parenting 0-18 with Daniel Huerta Building Lasting Relationships with Clarence and Brenda Shuler Healthy Ways for Females to Increase Sexual Enjoyment with Tracey LeGrand Pornography Healing for Spouses with Geremy Keeton Sexual Sin Recovery for You and Your Spouse (Part Two) Our Brain's Role in Sexual Intimacy with Angie Landry Intentional Questions to Ask Our Kids with Susan Seay Biblical Response to Emotionally Destructive Relationships with Leslie Vernick Connection and Correction in Parenting with Chad Hayenga Temperaments and Power of Words in Parenting with Kathleen Edelman Discovering God's Design for Romance with Sharon Jaynes Nine Ways to Connect with God with Gary Thomas Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta Beneficial Rhythms in Marriage with Chris and Jenni Graebe Inspiring Perspective in Parenting with Kay Wyma Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas Patreon-Only Marriage Related Episodes: Patreon 7 Intentional Family Life with Podcasters, Heather Toews and Heidi Bolt Patreon 9 Healthy Relationships with Our Friends and Our Spouse with Author and Speaker, Sue Heimer Patreon 16 Enjoy a Thriving Marriage with Dr. Matthew Turvey Patreon 19 Applying Personality Training to Parenting with Dale Wilsher Patreon 20 Personal Stories of God's Provision with Hope Ware Patreon 21 Leading in Parenting with Arlene Pellicane Patreon 22 Vision in Motherhood while Parenting a Child with Special Needs Patreon 23 Her Desires and His Desires in the Bedroom with Dr. Jennifer Konzen Patreon 26 Holy Sex with Dr. Juli Slattery Patreon 28 Protecting Your Marriage Against Unfaithfulness with Dave Carder Patreon 29 Remaining Sexually Engaged Through The Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma Patreon 34 Lead with Questions in Parenting with Stacy Bellward Marriage Related Articles: Our Valentine's Day Tradition 10 Recommendations for Enjoying Sex More in Marriage Rhythms and Why They Matter Fun Daily and Weekly Marital Enrichment Habits Fun Monthly and Yearly Marital Enrichment Habits How Do You Know It's Worthwhile? Marriage Scripture I am Loving Marriage: Foundational Questions to Promote Connection How Does Your Family of Origin Affect Your Marriage? How is Self-Awareness Beneficial in Marriage? Most Helpful Gender Difference to Understand One Enjoyable Way to Serve Together in Marriage Practical Ways to Rekindle Love in Marriage Healthy Communication in Marriage Marriage: Growing in Conflict Resolution Skills Ten Financial Questions to Ask Your Spouse Wise and Practical Marriage Tips Our Wise and Foolish List in Marriage *Bonus Content When You Join Our Email List* Sex in Marriage, Part One Sex in Marriage, Part Two At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Marriage Resources Sexual Wholeness Resources Thank You to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

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Episode 88: Sex Mentors - Why We Need Them and How to Find Them

Heaven In Your Home

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 7, 2022 30:30

Have you considered the value of having a mentor to help you grow your womanhood, femininity and your sex life? We tend to live pretty independently, but that's not how God created us to live. We are created for community. It is easy to embrace the idea of mentorship when it comes to spiritual disciplines like prayer, Bible study, child-rearing…but what it would look like to have a mentor that can help you live more fully alive as a woman, in your sexuality. This is all God's territory! Listen in for some good ideas for inviting another woman into your life to explore the theology of the body, the beauty of the way God created women and how to celebrate sexuality and sexual pleasure. It can be as simple as deciding to read a book or listening to this podcast together. A few resources Francie mentions: Authentic Intimacy with Juli Slattery, click here Rethinking Sexuality by Juli Slattery, click here Dr. Jennifer Degler, click here The Discipleship Circle by Francie Winslow (join the waitlist for Spring enrollment), click here And, if you want to avoid the drift and lean into your marriage connection, Join the Jumpstart Your Marriage Connection course. This 5 part study will provide teaching, practicals and declarations to help you grow your marriage connection. Join the Jumpstart Your Marriage Connection, click here To subscribe and get more resources from Francie, click here And, Francie is partnered with MyCounselor.Online as a resource for Biblically based counseling. You'll receive a 25% discount on your first session. Click here And, Francie's favorite place to find resources to bring a little something to the marriage bed is Married Dance. Use discount code MerryMarriage for 10% off site wide. Click here Thanks for joining Francie on this episode of Heaven in Your Home. We hope you'll be inspired by this episode, and feel led to share it with someone you know would be ministered by Francie's message. Connect with Francie: Website Instagram Please share Heaven In Your Home with your friends!

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238. Sex Makes Everything Better: An Interview with Laura Dugger

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 2, 2022 52:32

Last week we talked about how to have hard conversations with your spouse. This week, we're highlighting one of the topics that is so often difficult to talk about--sex. Joining us is our dear friend, Christian sex therapist, Laura Dugger. In this episode, Laura talks about how sex literally makes everything better. Wait until you hear the research! With honesty, vulnerability, and a solid dose of fun, Josh and Christi's interview with Laura includes: The hidden benefits of sexHow to talk to your spouse about sexReasons for, and how to, schedule sexThe God-given purpose of sex in marriage Show Notes: SIGN UP FOR THE FAMOUS AT HOME NETWORK BY FEBRUARY 9! You have until February 9 to join the Famous at Home community! Be a part of exclusive content, live coaching, and offers as well as group discussions, a community of families who are like-minded, and live Q&A sessions with Josh and Christi. LISTEN TO THE SAVVY SAUCE PODCAST! A podcast hosted by 3 stay-at-home moms (1 being Laura Dugger) existing to invite people into a space to meet with Jesus and be filled with joy to overflowing. DR. JENNIFER KONZEN PODCAST EPISODE: Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life with your Spouse with Dr. Jennifer Konzen VISIT THE ART OF INTIMATE MARRIAGE WEBSITE! Access to Dr. Konzen's book, podcast, sex therapist training, and a marriage video series.LISTEN TO DR. DOUGLAS ROSENAU PODCAST EPISODE: Ways to Deepen Your Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Douglas Rosenau READ A CELEBRATION OF SEX BY DR. DOUGLAS ROSENAU: A guide to enjoying God's gift of sexual intimacy LISTEN TO DR. MICHAEL SYTSMA PODCAST EPISODE: Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma LISTEN TO FRANCIE WINSLOW PODCAST EPISODES: Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 LISTEN TO DR. CLIFFORD AND JOYCE PENNER PODCAST EPISODE: Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Clifford and Joyce PennerAssortment of Books LISTEN TO GARY THOMAS PODCAST EPISODE: Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas READ MARRIED SEX BY GARY THOMAS: A Christian couple's guide to reimagining your love life LISTEN TO DEBRA FILETA PODCAST EPISODE: Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta READ DR. JULI SLATTERY'S BOOK! Passion Pursuit (co-authored with Linda Dillow)

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What God Thinks About Your Body. With Special Guest, Francie Winslow

This Changed My Life, with Emilie McCormack

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 4, 2021 14:46

God chose to reveal Himself in an actual body. He came in human flesh. But for hundreds and thousands of years, our culture has gotten it wrong. Churches have gotten it wrong. There is so much shame and confusion around sexuality and body image. There is also so much hope. Francie shares with us the hope she has found through years of study, prayer, and research regarding what God says about our bodies. I know you will be encouraged. Simply put: God made all of you and all of you is good. Please check our her resources & podcast, "Heaven In Your Home," where she shares incredible wisdom and gives practical steps to engage this important topic. https://franciewinslow.com

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155 Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1

The Real Life Podcast with Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke

Play Episode Listen Later Sep 27, 2021 43:48

Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3+4 NIV Questions and Topics We Discuss: What has the Lord taught you about sexual intimacy within marriage? How does sex that happens in the secret place inside our marriage overflow to the rest of our lives, benefitting each arena? What are a few positive messages to replace the negative lies we've previously bought into about sex? Francie Winslow says Jesus captured her heart at a young age, and she has been on an adventure following Him since then, fueled by a love for His word and His presence. As a young woman Francie served in Mother Theresa's home for the dying in Kolkata, sat in brothels with girls trapped in the sex trade of Chang Mai, slept in the bush of Namibia to reach tribal people and orphans with the Gospel of Jesus, visited the homes of the poor in the Dominican Republic, and helped with the rebuilding and development of a village in Sri Lanka after the 2004 tsunami. For the past few years, Francie has been focused on writing and speaking about God's good gift of intimacy in marriage. She's been featured on Christianity Today's blog and Moody Radio, The Don't Mom Alone Podcast, and Java with Juli, and several others as she shares about the power of sex in marriage. Most recently, she's launched a podcast called Heaven in Your Home where she talks all about sex, marriage and the mission of God. In it all, Francie is passionate about inviting others to experience God's tangible love that has the ability to transform every area of life. Francie has a BA in Political Science and a Masters degree in Evangelism and Leadership from Wheaton College in Wheaton, Il. She currently lives in the suburbs of Washington DC with her six kids and husband. Francie Winslow's Website Francie Winslow's Podcast Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Ruthless, Intentional Intimacy with Francie Winslow

Restored 2 More

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 21, 2021 49:57

In this episode, Francie Winslow shares incredible insight about sex, marriage, educating our children, and the mission of God! She describes how God creates our bodies and sexuality for good purposes, enjoyment, and an instrument of oneness with God and our spouse. We discuss how to heal from harmful perspectives we may have developed and how we can experience God's design and plan for sex with our spouses. Listen now to gain tremendous wisdom, and be sure to check out all that Francie is faithfully creating for more of to experience growth, healing, and restoration!More Resources:http://franciewinslow.com/http://franciewinslow.com/discipleship-circle/http://franciewinslow.com/podcast-heaven/Our Resources:https://restored2more.com/https://www.instagram.com/restored2more/

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Satisfied Series Episode 7: Interview with Francie Winslow

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 24, 2021 48:29

In today's episode I interviewed Francie Winslow, host of the Heaven Your Home podcast, and speaker and teacher on the power and purpose of intimacy. Francie is such a gift to our time, speaking on marriage and sex in a biblical and real way. We talk all about how to find satisfaction in our marriages, what do we do when we're not being satisfied, and the purpose of sex, as well as how to work through roadblocks within sex. Find Francie @franciewinslow and check out her "Heaven in Your Home" podcast.

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Episode 021: Let's talk about sex, baby!

The Naked Party Time Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 27, 2021 49:07

In this episode, we start to tackle the subject we've been teasing about since we started the podcast…sexual intimacy. We've titled this episode, “Let's talk about sex, baby!” If you know the song, you know! Sex is awesome! It is a good gift from God. But like every good gift, our enemy the devil wants to destroy it, and that's exactly what he has done with sex in so many marriages. He's destroying it. In the next episode we're going to talk about some tips to thrive sexually in marriage, but today we are going to talk about roadblocks to sexual intimacy. Remember, sex is fruit. It's the fruit of being healthy in the other four areas of intimacy. And I would add, sex is fuel. I believe when you are truly healthy in the first four levels of intimacy, the fruit will be sexual intimacy. Sex was designed only for marriage, and marriage, in part, was designed for sex. Not only for sex, but that's part of the design. So, if you are not experiencing regular and consistent sexual intimacy in your marriage you will never have the marriage God designed. 20% of US couples live in what's called a non-sexual marriage. A non-sexual marriage is a couple who has had sex fewer than 10 times in the previous year. 15% of marriages have not had sex in the last 6 months. And 2% of marriages are considered sexless marriages, meaning there has been no sexual intimacy for over a year, and sometimes it's years. We talk about physical, relational, emotional, and spiritual roadblocks to sexual intimacy. Both Sabrina and I got VERY real and raw about different roadblocks we've experienced in each of these areas and how we try to overcome them. Just because the struggle is real, doesn't mean you have to surrender to the struggle. Instead of fighting about sexual intimacy in your marriage, fight for it! Scripture: Genesis 2:25 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 3 The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Links: Episode 020 Authentic Intimacy - Dr. July Slattery Books: The Naked Marriage by Dave and Ashley Willis Passion Pursuit: What kind of love are you making? By Dr. Juli Slattery What's It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions by Linda Dillow Podcasts: The Naked Marriage with Dave and Ashely Willis Java With Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery Heaven In Your Home with Francie Winslow

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The Ripple Effect of Sex in Marriage | Francie Winslow | Ep. 122

Kindled Podcast - Creative Entrepreneurship, Motherhood, Small Business Strategy, Encouragement and Grace

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 3, 2020 58:27

In this episode I chat with Guest Francie Winslow about the power of sex in marriage to bring not just connection but union under God as one. Francie discusses the challenges we face to creating connection in our marriage and shares her story. She also gives a Biblical framework as we look at lens the way God intended it to be. Shownotes at kindledpodcast.com

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Week Three Summer of Mentorship 2020 Francie Winslow

The Homeschool Solutions Show

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 20, 2020 48:33

(This episode originally aired in 2016) Francie Winslow shares the exponential impact marital intimacy has on the world around us. Sex is a multiplying factor in our lives, not just with producing kids, but producing a massive amount of connection. In the past two years Francie has been doing extensive research on theology of the body. Exploring how God stamped His image on us. How we express our roles as image bearers through sex in marriage. God is an invisible God who wants to make himself visible to us. When man and woman come together as one it’s his invitation for humanity to become one with God. Intimately connected with Him. Francie shares their own family stress and her personal struggle with anxiety. Things that can disrupt marital connection. She vulnerably shares how she and her husband have purposefully chosen sex over isolation. God’s training us to fight for connection and for each other instead of against each other. Love Francie’s practical tips for keeping technology in check. So often screens and devices creep in between couples, increasing the distance and decreasing the intimacy. Don’t miss the list of great resources below to help train your children in forming a healthy perspective of the body and sex. What we chat about: Francie’s journey to learn sex isn’t dirty or a duty but a delight. Her recent study of theology of the body. How anxiety and adoption stress led Francie and her husband to choose to have more sex (you read that right). How technology impacts our marital connection and practical solutions Help and healing for women who struggle with their view of sex. A reminder to daily do the things that keep you alive as a person. The Ripple Effect of sex in marriage. A word of encouragement for the single mom. Training our kiddos in a healthy sexual worldview (check out Francie’s resource list below). Connect with Francie: Links Mentioned: Sign up for Francie's free newsletter (http://franciewinslow.com/) As a bonus you will receive a free digital download of a Prayer to Ignite the Ripple Effect in Your Home along with 7 Days of Marriage Declarations to Experience More of Heaven’s Possibilities for Your Marriage. " Heaven in Your Home Podcast Soul Freedom (encore)Episode The Power of Sex in Marriage Episode Andy Crouch Beth Moore’s Daniel Study** Francie’s Resource List: Theology of the Body Books for Kids by Monica Ashour Every Body is Smart: God Helps Me Listen & Choose** Every Body Has a Body: God Made Girls & Boys** Every Body is a Gift : God Made Us to Love** God Has a Plan for Boys & Girls ** Every Body Has Something to Say** Every Body Has Something to Give** Get these books (as many as you can!) and read them over and over and over. They are great for a range of ages – not just toddlers. Not only will it help form a great spiritual foundation for your kids as they enter a sexually intense world as kids (sadly it happens young these days), it will help you as a grown up re-learn how to think about bodies, sexuality and identity. It will also help give you simple, common language to use on an everyday basis in your home. They have all been such a big part of us growing in this new way of seeing the gift of sex as a family. For older kids: The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality** by Luke Gilkerson (there are several others to go with this series too). Loving this one right now with my 8 year old.) Before I Was Born (God’s Design for Sex)** by Carolyn Nostrum Good Pictures, Bad Pictures : Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids ** by Kristen Jensen Theology of His Body/Theology of Her Body** by Jason Evert (This was written with college kids in mind, but I found it super helpful and use it woven into conversations with my kids.) For those who want more depth…Theology of the Body for Beginners** by Christopher West **Amazon Affiliate Link Featured Sponsor: Prepdish: Get two weeks for free if you go to http://prepdish.com/dma

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Episode 48 - Let's Talk About Marriage

Connections Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 26, 2020 36:35

Sherri Crandall and our guest Francie Winslow agree that connecting with Jesus is the first step to being open to the ways God wants us to nurture our families. Francie talks about ways to manage our own feelings and gives practical tips that can strengthen our marriages. Find more from Francie, including her "Heaven in Your Home" podcast at franciewinslow.com.

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HS #236: Francie Winslow Family Worship

Play Episode Listen Later Jun 9, 2020 50:44

Maybe our time of “family worship” is less about a devotional and more about our first love devotion to God overflowing in devoted love to the people in our home. Today’s podcast takes us out of a traditional box of “family devotions” and inspires us to live lives of devotion to God!

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#464 Francie Winslow: Sex & Marriage

Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2020 44:07

Join Alisa with a down to earth and vulnerable conversation with Francie Winslow. Jesus captured Francie's heart at a young age, and she has been on an adventure following Him since then, fueled by a love for His word and His presence. As a young woman Francie served in Mother Theresa's home for the dying in Kolkata, sat in brothels with girls trapped in the sex trade of Chang Mai, slept in the bush of Namibia to reach tribal people and orphans with the Gospel of Jesus, visited the homes of the poor in the Dominican Republic, and helped with the rebuilding and development of a village in Sri Lanka after the 2004 tsunami. For the past few years, Francie has been focused on writing and speaking about God's good gift of intimacy in marriage. She's been featured on Christianity Today's blog and Moody Radio, The God Centered Mom Podcast, as well as several other podcasts as she shares about the power of sex in marriage. Most recently, she's launched a podcast called Heaven in Your Home where she talks all about sex, marriage and the mission of God. Follow Francie on Instagram - @franciewinslow Join us for our first ever Revelation Wellness® Couch to 5k. This training program is going to help you crush the lies that you believe that keep you from running the race - the race of living well and free in the body you have been given! Join The Official Revelation Wellness® Facebook community.

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#464 Francie Winslow: Sex & Marriage

Have More Fun with Mandy Arioto

Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2020 44:07

Join Alisa with a down to earth and vulnerable conversation with Francie Winslow. Jesus captured Francie’s heart at a young age, and she has been on an adventure following Him since then, fueled by a love for His word and His presence. As a young woman Francie served in Mother Theresa’s home for the dying in Kolkata, sat in brothels with girls trapped in the sex trade of Chang Mai, slept in the bush of Namibia to reach tribal people and orphans with the Gospel of Jesus, visited the homes of the poor in the Dominican Republic, and helped with the rebuilding and development of a village in Sri Lanka after the 2004 tsunami. For the past few years, Francie has been focused on writing and speaking about God’s good gift of intimacy in marriage. She’s been featured on Christianity Today’s blog and Moody Radio, The God Centered Mom Podcast, as well as several other podcasts as she shares about the power of sex in marriage. Most recently, she’s launched a podcast called Heaven in Your Home where she talks all about sex, marriage and the mission of God. Follow Francie on Instagram - @franciewinslow Join us for our first ever Revelation Wellness® Couch to 5k. This training program is going to help you crush the lies that you believe that keep you from running the race - the race of living well and free in the body you have been given! Join The Official Revelation Wellness® Facebook community.

How to be Inspired, Live Intentionally and Breakup with Your T.V.

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 23, 2018 24:41

Francie and her husband decided to try an experiment. How would their home life change if they got rid of their T.V.? Francie shares the details of what a life minus Game of Thrones looks like. Listen to this if your home feels chaotic, you are tired of yelling at your kids and want to have more fun with them, you feel distracted all the time, or you feel like you have no margin to do the things you love. Selected Links: Francie's website MOPS Show Notes: 1:03 Mandy’s Introduction 4:20 Are you breathing just a little 4:40 Introduction of Francie Winslow 5:20 Mandy and Francie start talking about getting rid of the TV 6:55 Earthquakes in D.C. 7:45 What to do about family members who "need" TV 8:58 What are the biggest differences you've seen from getting rid of the TV 10:35 Do your kids get along better without TV 11:30 Are movies bad for your kids 13:00 Was your husband on board for this? 13:55 What about phones and other tech in your house 15:45 What are the motives for my use of technology 16:45 Taking a week off from reading anything 17:20 How to respond to people who say kids need technology early to adapt to it 18:45 Why does Francie’s husband ask permission to use his phone 20:10 What’s the best advice you never got 21:25 Rhythms of rest 22:46 3 Practical tips for recalibrating tech in the house

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#200 Learning To Live, Love & Work Deeply with Francie Winslow

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 3, 2017 60:46

WARNING: Episode #200 of The Revelation Wellness Podcast is NOT for the faint of heart. Join Alisa today as she talks with Francie Winslow concerning the gift of technology and how to live in a digital world without losing your soul. This podcast is for anyone who desires to live a deep life but finds themselves continually distracted by the pull of social media, emails and/or the internet. Don't worry, you are not alone. Alisa and Francie will share honestly their stories of struggling to get free from this kind of frenetic living in order to live more deeply and focused. Social Media Could Be Killing Your Spiritual Life. (Relevant article) https://relevantmagazine.com/article/social-media-could-be-killing-your-spiritual-life Deep Work: Cal Newport https://www.amazon.com/Deep-Work-Focused-Success-Distracted/dp/1455586692 Quit Social Media: Cal Newport Ted Talk https://youtu.be/3E7hkPZ-HTk Invitation to Solitude and Silence: Experiencing God's Transforming Power https://www.amazon.com/Invitation-Solitude-Silence-Experiencing-Transforming/dp/0830835458/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498678874&sr=1-1&keywords=invitation+to+silence+and+solitude Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives For Spiritual Transformation by Ruth Haley Barton https://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Rhythms-Arranging-Spiritual-Transformation/dp/0830833331/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0830833331&pd_rd_r=23RX6AA027SCKXGQZXZF&pd_rd_w=WXxVh&pd_rd_wg=Uuu1b&psc=1&refRID=23RX6AA027SCKXGQZXZF Present Shock: When Everything Happens Now by Douglas Rushkoff https://www.amazon.com/Present-Shock-When-Everything-Happens/dp/1617230103/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498679148&sr=1-1&keywords=present+shock+douglas+rushkoff Switch On Your Brain https://www.amazon.com/Switch-Your-Brain-Happiness-Thinking/dp/B00F937YH0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498680934&sr=8-1&keywords=switch+on+your+brain

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#200 Learning To Live, Love & Work Deeply with Francie Winslow

The Open Door Sisterhood Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 3, 2017 60:46

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Ep.23: Francie Winslow

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 1, 2016 48:23

Francie Winslow has a special place in our hearts. A woman of the Spirit, she humbly speaks wisdom to us at every turn. Whether her earnest prayers or gentle approach to guiding her children's hearts, we are always encouraged to take that next step, do that next thing. As a homeschooling mom who tries to simplify her life in order to keep quiet and restful rhythms, she often goes against the grain, or at least the typical. She has been speaking and writing often these days on intimacy in marriage, but this episode centers on her family rhythms and her intentionally minimal use of technology in her daily life so that she might make space for God to speak to her heart and for her to respond. In this episode you will learn how their family creates and practices daily declarations about the truth of who they are, how she is keeping multiple journals at once, and the power of words to build people up or tear them down. Like all of our conversations with Francie, you will leave feeling inspired to focus with more intentionality on the parts of your life and the relationships that matter most. Please listen to our precious sister!

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The Ripple Effect of Healthy Sexual Connection :: Francie Winslow [Ep 138]

Play Episode Listen Later Oct 17, 2016 46:55

Three years ago she directed us to soul healing. Two years ago she reminded us of the power of sex in marriage. Francie Winslow is back. This time to share what she's learned about the exponential impact marital intimacy has on the world around us. In the past two years Francie has been doing extensive research on theology of the body. Exploring how God stamped His image on us. How we express our roles as image bearers through sex in marriage. God is an invisible God who wants to make himself visible to us. When man and woman come together as one it's his invitation for humanity to become one with God. Intimately connected with Him. Francie shares their own family stress and her personal struggle with anxiety. Things that can disrupt marital connection. She vulnerably shares how she and her husband have purposefully chosen sex over isolation. God's training us to fight for connection and for each other instead of against each other. Love Francie's practical tips for keeping technology in check. So often screens and devices creep in between couples, increasing the distance and decreasing the intimacy. Don't miss the list of great resources below to help train your children in forming a healthy perspective of the body and sex. What we chat about: Francie's journey to learn sex isn't dirty or a duty but a delight. Her recent study of theology of the body. How anxiety and adoption stress led Francie and her husband to choose to have more sex (you read that right). How technology impacts our marital connection and practical solutions Help and healing for women who struggle with their view of sex. A reminder to daily do the things that keep you alive as a person. The Ripple Effect of sex in marriage. A word of encouragement for the single mom. Training our kiddos in a healthy sexual worldview (check out Francie's resource list below). Links Mentioned: Soul Freedom (encore)Episode The Power of Sex in Marriage Episode Andy Crouch Beth Moore's Daniel Study** Francie's Resource List: Theology of the Body Books for Kids by Monica Ashour Every Body is Smart: God Helps Me Listen & Choose** Every Body Has a Body: God Made Girls & Boys** Every Body is a Gift : God Made Us to Love** God Has a Plan for Boys & Girls ** Every Body Has Something to Say** Every Body Has Something to Give** Get these books (as many as you can!) and read them over and over and over. They are great for a range of ages – not just toddlers. Not only will it help form a great spiritual foundation for your kids as they enter a sexually intense world as kids (sadly it happens young these days), it will help you as a grown up re-learn how to think about bodies, sexuality and identity. It will also help give you simple, common language to use on an everyday basis in your home. They have all been such a big part of us growing in this new way of seeing the gift of sex as a family. For older kids: The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality** by Luke Gilkerson (there are several others to go with this series too). Loving this one right now with my 8 year old.) Before I Was Born (God's Design for Sex)** by Carolyn Nostrum Good Pictures, Bad Pictures : Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids ** by Kristen Jensen Theology of His Body/Theology of Her Body** by Jason Evert This was written with college kids in mind, but I found it super helpful and use it woven into conversations with my kids. For those who want more depth…Theology of the Body for Beginners** by Christopher West **Amazon Affiliate Link Sex is a multiplying factor in our lives, not just with producing kids, but producing a massive amount of connection.

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Soul Freedom Francie Winslow Ep4Encore

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 4, 2016 41:18

Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him.

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Sex in Marriage; A Biblical Perspective: Francie Winslow (Episode 30)

A Mom's Mission Field

Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2016 45:17

Today's interview is with Francie Winslow. She is a wife and mom of 4. She is a blogger, writer, speaker, and regular contributor for various online magazines and ministries. Today's topic can be a difficult one because the topic of sex in your marriage is so very personal. I love Francie's Biblical perspective, though, and I know you will be blessed by her words, no matter how your intimate life may be going at the moment. She has so much wisdom to share, so let's get started.

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Power of Sex in Marriage Francie Winslow Ep 61

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2015 46:43

Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him. /

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God Centered Mom Podcast-Episode 4 with Francie Winslow