The Brain Language Podcast

Send us a textNLP for Emotional RegulationWhat is Emotional Intelligence?Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the capacity to recognize, understand, and navigate your emotions and those of others. It includes Self-Awareness, Emotional Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills.What is Emotional Regulation?Emotional Regulation (ER) is a component of EQ  strategies for managing their intensity and expression and intentionally creating emotional states you want. ER skills give you greater choice over your emotional experience.NLP provides a variety of simple, effective, and unique methods and strategies for achieving this.Why is ER Important?ER is important because so much of our human experience involves our emotional states. Having the right emotional state for a situation can help us perform better. NLP Methods for Regulating EmotionsLearning NLP4-TupleAnchoring Submodality Changes Swish Patterns Break State- pattern interrupt Meta ModelModeling: sit up straight, smile, look up.ReframingActing as if – one of the foundational pillars of NLPPleasant Emotional StatesIntentionally experiencing and amplifying states such as:-            Gratitude-            Appreciation-            Peace-            Confidence-            Curiosity: Having access to pleasant/resourceful states can help us maintain physical and emotional health and energize us during difficult situations or periods in our lives.         Support the show

Send us a textThe Not-So-Subtle Art of ComplainingMost of us complain, but is it good or bad? What makes it productive or toxic?Overview of what will be covered:  Common language patterns of complainingThe benefits and downsides of complainingHow to shift from chronic complaining  The Language of Complaints This was discovered by using AI to analyze posts on a social media platform that contained complaints. We then used the NLP Meta Model pattern to refine the search and find the 8 most common language patterns in complaints. Four of the most common patterns fit into the Meta Model, and AI discovered four patterns that are unique to complaining.Discuss the top 8 common language patterns of complaining​: Negative Personal Attribution (e.g., “He's rude,” “They're such idiots.”) Lost Evaluator or Lost Performative Absolute Overgeneralization – Never, Always, Nothing, etc. (“They never listen”) Universal Quantifier Modal Operators – Can't, Should, Need to (“She should know better.”) Cause/Effect Statements (“Because they lied, I'm mad,” “He's late again, so it's pointless now.”)Rhetorical Venting Questions - Why and How (“Why are people so annoying?”)Hyperbolic Adverbs – Totally, Absolutely, Completely (“This is totally unfair”)“Keeps” Phrases - (“She keeps yelling.”  “This keeps happening.”)Sarcasm - “Thanks/Good Job” (“Oh, great job!”) Recognizing these patterns can help us avoid chronic complaining, lessen its negative impact on ourselves, or better understand how to deal with people who complain to us.The Positive Side of Complaining Exploring how complaining can be beneficial​:One of the NLP presuppositions is “All behavior is useful in some context.”  When does complaining serve a useful purpose? The Dark Side of Complaining Strategies to Overcome Chronic Complaining in Ourselves Key Takeaways:Complaining isn't inherently bad—it depends on the purpose and frequency.Recognizing language patterns can help us become more mindful of our complaints.Finding balance is key - venting is okay, but chronic negativity is damaging.Practical ways to shift from unhelpful complaining to productive problem-solving. Support the show

Send us a text1.     What is TimeLine? A Timeline is a visual, linear experience of how someone codes and stores time. In NLP timeline is a term used to describe how we internally represent time. We internally represent the past, present, and future differently. The concept was originally laid out in the TimeLine Therapy and the Basis of Personality by Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall. It was a project given to them by Richard Bandler. Timeline can be used to create goal representations as well as heal past traumas.2.     How can TL be used to establish goals and make them more real and likely to be achieved?Since the timeline is a visual linear representation of time, putting pictures of goals on the TL can create spatial representations of what and when something might happen.  3.     Before using TL for goals establish clear goals and outcomes.Remember that goal setting and reaching is a process. It is more complex than just creating an image inside your head and saying this is what I want.The first step is to verbalize your goal in active language (versus passive language). E.g. Make $100,000 in revenue by Dec. 31, 2025. As compared to I want to be able to make …. Or I want to be better at sales. (This is not specific and uses a comparative deletion “better” which makes it difficult for the brain to figure out exactly what you mean.)Make the statement crisp and cleanEstablish what you want using the NLP outcome frame. This helps define details, set a direction, specify contexts, handle ecology, and create a sensory-based representation using all three primary senses. Answer all of the questions in the outcome frame. Now you are ready to create a timeline representation of the goal. 4.     What is the specific process?Remember that goals usually have action steps. Divide the goal into 3 action steps with time frames.  Now you are ready to place on the timeline. This process works best if you walk the timeline and use spatial anchors.  Future pacing:What is the overall time frame for accomplishing this outcome or goal?Select a concrete goal or project to be accomplished in 12 months; create 3-time chunks between the present and the achievement. Now use the time line to place pictures in sequence. Notice the difference in your feeling of achieving the goal.   Support the show

Main Points:·       Understand the goal-reaching process and what makes goals happen·       Picture representation of goals for the coming year·       Construct the boards for optimum effectiveness·       Well-constructed boards that are ecological, align with values and Include 5 major areas of a person's life: faith, fitness, family, friends, financial·       Eyes move easily around·       These work like magic·       You can create anything you want and do if you are willing to do the dream and do the work1st know what you want: written and date-specificA goal is a picture attached to a feeling: a feeling of already having achieved it.We think in three different ways –experience is made up of VAKAGThe more senses involved the more likely the goal will manifest The visual channel goes into the future – be able to see yourself reading the desired outcome Movie, dissociated vs associatedWrite goals down – use all three sensesSuccess = balance          Anyone can make a lot of money by working 14-16 hours a day and being focused at the expense of other areas of life.  Success is achieved when a person achieves their desired goals in a balancedDesire, faith expectancy – in every desire is the seed of its manifestationDo the work (be involved in the process)Have faith that the desire will be reachedGoal questions: what skills do I have; what skills do I need?;  how do I get the skills that I need?Goals: decide what you want, give it attention, take feedback, effortless, expectDoes not achieve – feedback, adjust – may not know the bigger pictureTrust the details will be handled.Give yourself a periodic rewardClosely timedUnderstand what motivates you – what are you getting from this?Divine discontentDon't get ready – get startedWhen reaching a goal – set a new one at the point of fulfillmentFalling short of a goal is not failure, only feedback.  Many successful people don't reach goals consistently.  Set high goals to have greater achievement Peak performance3 peak principles of high achievement – John NoeThe boards 5 areasFew wordsFlowers add lifeAppeals to youRelationships – couplesYou may have to override the organization in your mindSparkle – Jewelry                 Support the show

What is Imposter syndrome? Explaining away your accomplishments and success and doubting your abilities1.     What are common examples of imposter syndrome?2.     How can you assess if you have imposter syndrome Take the quiz:Do you chalk your success up to luck, timing, or computer error?Do you believe that if I can do it, anyone can?Do you agonize over small flaws in your work? Are you crushed by even constructive criticism, seeing it as evidence of your ineptness?When you succeed, do you feel like you fooled them again?Do you worry that it's a matter of time before you're found out?3.     What are some statements or excuses often made by people suffering from imposter syndrome? 4.     Where does I.S. come from?5.     Mastery vs Performance – Dweck. 6.     What are some NLP Techniques used to Overcome Imposter SyndromeConflict of identities, Belief changes, trauma processes, auditory swishes for neg. Self-talk. Anchoring and resource anchoring, changing the history of a problem (anchoring),  reframing, modeling (understanding the model of success in your field,) meta programs, Foreground, background process - create a strong association between what is most important in the person's awareness (foreground) and something that they are not attending to (background).7. Bandura curve – 1st part, beliefs of capability; 2nd part beliefs of identity.8. In time/ through time 9.     recap Support the show

1.     What is important about stories, and metaphors in communication?  When someone studies the great communicators, past and present, they all use metaphors and analogies to illustrate their points. Metaphors compare things that are less understandable to familiar things. They create new meanings, make complex ideas understandable, motivate interest, and influence ideas. They create images that people can understand rather than literal words2.     What is the difference between a story, metaphor, and an analogy? A simple story conveys a description of something. A metaphor communicates two or more levels of meaning. Using metaphors can deliver directly to the unconscious.3.     How do individual words represent our experience as metaphors?  George Lakoff and Mark Johnson in their book, Metaphors We Live By state, that metaphor is pervasive in everyday life not just in language by also by thought and action. This is the concept system. It is metaphorical in nature. Our concepts structure how we perceive the world around us. Much of our language is metaphors. So we cannot get along by language alone. How we experience our everyday life is metaphorical. Communication is war. Communication is dance. Love is a journey, time is money, love is madness4.     As one of the most important and overlooked skills in communication, how can we get better at using them in everyday interactions as well as speeches?      Listen to how you use words to describe things in your world. Listen to how others use words to describe their world. Look at situations – what are they like in unrelated areas?  Be more intentional about listening to others. Deeper insight into people. Linking abstract ideas to concreteSupport the show

How do we break patterns? Outcome, outcome, outcomeRemember, that in the NLP model, all experience has structure. When you explore and change the structure, your experience changes, the perception, meaning, and feeling. NLP creates specific changes rather than random, trial-and-error changes. It changes things by adding resources, not taking away anything. Our experience and patterns are organized on a hierarchy of neurology from Environment, Behavior, Capability, Belief/Value, Identity, and Spiritual.  Each level organizes the level underneath it. Changes at a higher level will change something underneath it but not necessarily the other way around. It is important to understand what logical level a change needs to take place for the change to be effective and long-lasting. The neuro-levels are important because they are part of a unified field that includes yourself, others' observer positions, and past present, and future. Patterns can be caused at a behavioral level, cap, belief, or identity. Interestingly, people are aware of the patterns they run (or not) but not aware of what causes them.  Changing the cause at the root of the problem will create lasting change and have the change in all three primary channels. 6-step reframing behaviors, internal dialog, nail-biting, etc can be changed with parts negotiation unless it is on a higher logical level. the lower the level, the more immediate the results, and the higher, the longer the integration because it is unconscious. Anchoring can also change our states, and give us choices, and as a result, a pattern can change. If it works for a while and then comes back, you probably need a change at a higher logical level.How do we change our beliefs? Be aware that most people cannot do their own belief work because beliefs are submerged in our unconscious mind. It takes someone excellent at recognizing patterns, calibration, and asking questions to discover limiting beliefs. The first step is knowing what belief to change. This is challenging since beliefs run in packs and are slippery, according to Robert Dilts. They are mostly unconscious, in systems with a core belief that is young and hidden. One approach is to look at the behavior and ask, what do I believe to do this? What do I see hear and feel? What happens just before I start the behavior?  Understand what it does for us, the positive intent and the goal of the intention, what are counterexamples to the belief, and finally, what behavior I want to do and what would I have to believe to do that behavior.  And then, of course, belief statements are simple, they are beliefs, not behaviors, and have no ecological downsides.  How do we communicate most effectively? Simply by speaking to another's understanding. We communicate the way we understand words. So people who are like us, understand us and people not like us don't. It limits the number of people we can connect with and promotes a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication. The more we are like a person the more the understanding. The skills to engage for excellence in communication: perceptual positions, calibration, sensory awareness, rapport (m and p) and to influence, and lead. Ask questions (curiosity), state management, and control over your own internal dialogue.  Support the Show.

This is a Podcast Short. It addresses the cycle of ups and downs that some people experience when building a business or learning something new.  In the podcast, I tackle some of the challenges by using NLP session flow from creating a well-formed outcome to what to look for when modeling a mentor. I talk about the complexities of modeling, optimum strategies for success,  the factors of genius, belief changes, and the Unified Field in NLP. The short version:·       Outcome first! In all three primary channels.·       At what logical level does the change need to take place? Remember that behaviors are usually not behavioral issues but come from a lack of capability and limiting beliefs.·       If working in the land of beliefs – what is the behavior telling you? What would they have to believe to do the behaviors? What is the positive intention of the beliefs, both old and new? Is it a belief in capability or identity·       Future pace in all three primary channels. ·       Changes, especially in belief/identity issues, are through-time processes. Support the Show.

I'm receiving more and more requests from people to help them with their lack of ability to fall asleep, stay asleep, and get restful sleep. So that they can wake up rested. Sleep is difficult because of the things we keep track of or have to take care of.Sleep is a big part of calming your nervous system to manage stress (EP 79).Hosts discuss why people can't fall asleep.  1.     How does NLP help us when it comes to getting a good night's sleep? Strategies,  routine, remove lights, avoid, light, screens, heavy foods, alcohol, caffeine. 2.     Now that you have a routine in place, here are some tricks and techniques for the occasional stress we might experience.1.     Relax your body. Stretch calves, neck muscles, facial muscles. One technique is to tense your whole body and then let go. 2.     TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE DOING TO FALL ASLEEP, STAY ASLEEP UNTIL I'M READY TO WAKE UP (unless there is danger or someone calls me)3.     Relax your jaw and your eyelids4.     Visualize a very relaxing scene, such as a lake with glass-like water, a beautiful landscape, the ocean on a calm day, a time when you were in nature and fell asleep. Use submodalities to adjust the color and movement, even the location. Experiment to see what causes your body to relax the most.5.     Counting seems to be popular. Here are some examples:     1, 2, 3, 4 – 2, 2, 3, 4 – 3, 2, 3, 4 and so on. Very monotonous but you have to think about       it to keep track.      Count backwards from 100.  Also, see the numbers as you count.6.     Slow your breathing – you mentioned this last month.7.     See the word deeper and overwrite it over and over.8.     Some people like very cool to cold air temperatures. Sleep studies often have a person sleeping in 55-degree temps. 3.     NLP techniques to help you: submodalities, mental lockers, change internal dialog, 6-step reframe, circle of excellence.   Change your mental channel like a TV channel.4.     Recap the pattern:1.     Develop a routine that excludes screen time, lights, TV, alcohol, and heavy foods but includes, low light, relaxation, and feeling comfortable. The Circle of Excellence.2.     TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE DOING TO FALL ASLEEP, STAY ASLEEP UNTIL I'M READY TO WAKE UP (unless there is danger or someone calls me)3.     Use a counting technique or the lockers and/or adjust submodalities4.     Make sure your body is relaxed. 5.     Slow your breathing and make it slightly deeper. 6.     Fall asleep. Ta-da! And you will. Before you know it you are waking up in the morning!  Support the Show.

Morgan recently started a coaching and training business that  focuses on helping corporate leaders, professionals, and entrepreneurs control and reduce stress. This episode covers the problem with stress in society, what stress is, how it affects our body, and how to use NLP and other processes to reduce stress.It is estimated that 75-90% of all health problems are caused by or related to stress.Impacts: Damages neural pathways. Interferes with decision-making and judgment. Suppresses the immune system. Strains the heart and other organs. Ages people prematurely.        Not all stress is bad. It's normal. The problem is prolonged stress.NLP has a lot of tools for changing how we interpret and represent events in our minds.OutcomesSCORENeurological LevelsSubmodality ChangesChange Personal History Resource AnchoringGratitudeReframing Separating Behavior from Intent – useful for anger and irritation toward others Support the show

Podcast #78   1.     What is the Score? The score is a process developed by Todd Epstein and Robert Dilts that creates an established pathway for change. It is part of the unified field theory developed by Robert Dilts. It is nestled between defining the problem state SOAR (State, operator, results) and the TOTE (test, operate, test exit), checks and balances along the pathway.2.      What does the score do?  It defines the smallest amount of information to produce a change. The S.C.O.R.E. Model enriches the Present State/Desired State description by adding simple distinctions.  The letters represent Symptoms, Causes, Outcomes, Resources, and Effects.  This is the minimum amount of information needed in any process of change or healing. It uses spatial anchoring. 3.      What does SCORE  stand for? Symptoms, causes, outcomes, effects, and resources. The S.C.O.R.E. Model uses the path between the present state and the desired state and the wisdom of the body to create change.4.     How does it work?  5.     How can you use it and what can you use it with? Used as is and added a resource to the cause OR from the Cause use another process in NLP – reimprinting, reframing, belief change, timeline, etc.  Use it to establish a clean clear outcome and ensure it is in the body. Support the show

We are starting this new year with a star-studded program featuring none other than Rodger Bailey, developer of the LAB profile! If you are a student of NLP you will recognize this name. Rodger developed a training program for managers to recognize a person's functional capabilities and motivational triggers using a simple linguistic interview, so managers can know which tasks that person can do well and how to influence and motivate them. Here are some of the questions he answered:   1. I've given our audience a little background on you. Would you be willing to add to that information? You have a long and significant career in NLP and the Meta Programs.2. How did you come to develop the LAB profile?  3. What can the LAB profile be used for? How is it important in Business as well astherapy and coaching?  4. Could you give us some examples of how you've used it in some of your Projects? 4 case examplesLet me tell you a story about the time I helped an airline become the lowest complaint-ratio airline in the USA and how they stayed that way for decades. Case 2 A gold and diamond jewelry manufacturer wanted to grow his business from $2m to $5m annually.  Case 3 A Manager of multiple franchise hair-cutting salons was having a turnover problem with his hair stylists across all his salons. He wanted a solution, where those he signed up would happily stay for years. He used the LAB Profile to profile his existing long-term stylists across all his salons.   Case 4 In the late ‘70s, a Dallas-based computer tech company had built a very successful business installing modern computer processing services for governments all around the world.  I was able to interview 6 of those Managers who were actively hiring new Programmer Analysts, and I discovered that all of them based much of their successful hiring approach on something they called ‘Challenge.'  5. Do you think that some patterns are more important in some contexts? Are some patterns easier to spot? Are there some situations where patterns become obvious? Are there some LAB patterns that are more important in some contexts? Each context tends to have its own set of critical or significant patterns. The LAB Profile gives us a wide array of patterns to recognize, understand, and utilize. One of my most common thoughts is that everything changes by context.  6. Is the LAB profile useful in personal relationships? How and an example? Yes, and It is important to have a lot of LAB Profile experience (lots of people, lots of interventions, etc.) before you try to take your LAB Profile knowledge and techniques into your personal relationships. 7.  What is a good way to get a hold of you?Email me directly at rodger.bailey.2000@gmail.com8. Do you have an online class that people can access?  Yes, I have an online self-study course: It is important to understand that the LAB Profile will become a trusted skill set, which you will be able to use in almost every context to give you an advantage.Link to the online LAB Profile course:https://bit.ly/3rcC5Ai Limited Time Offer:  Get a massive discount using this Discount Code: MpMXZ1SIq5Tnw3c1YBqoMQ==  Support the show

Here is my prescription for a happy holiday if not a tolerable one… Set an outcome to have fun and enjoy the holidays.  Get plenty of rest  Sugar and alcohol place a huge strain on your biological system.  Taking care of yourself might also include meditation and prayer.  And exercise – even a walk every day or every other day brings positive benefits.  Another issue connected to taking care of yourself is setting boundaries: Boundary lesson: Say no when you can say no. it seems that so many people and companies cram into 24 days of December gatherings and parties. Be judicious about which ones you attend. People spend a lot of money…. Determine and manage a budget for spending. It is so easy to say, “Oh, I'll deal with my credit cards next year.”  But next year is closer than you think and amassing a large debt can put you into high stress. You can do a conflict resolution with yourself to resolve the pull between what you want to spend and what would be prudent.Big challenge dealing with family membersIgnoring them won't necessarily make them disappear.  Here are some strategies I've used over the yearsa.               Do anchoring and attach the person to something you love or a resource that gives you better state management and grace. You could even connect them to something you are thankful for. After all, being thankful for someone who helps you evolve is a plus. Morgan: connected concept.b. Align an experience with this person with Perceptual Position Alignment. A powerful exercise that aligns your submodalities with a pattern that gives you the most flexibility. No politics – especially if you want to maintain subjective coherency. Or at least maintain amicabilityAsk questions: If you are familiar with the Meta Model, you know that asking questions is a great form of rapport. Ask open-ended questions that show interest in someone's life.If you know there are adversarial family members, keep a low profile.Match and pace, match and pace. Support the show

Conflict is a part of life. But how we deal with it and resolve it is what helps us maintain harmony. NLP has an outstanding process to reduce or eliminate inner conflict at any logical level.1.     Where does conflict occur?Areas in which conflict manifestsUnderstanding conflicts of beliefs and valuesThere are many types of conflict. Conflicts of beliefs and values are about issues where compromise is not an option. They are conflicts based upon disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests, or concerns.Managing conflicts of beliefs and values2.     How do you know you are dealing with a conflict?3.     How do you start the resolution process? What is your outcome? Is it well-formed? Is it demonstrated in sensory experience?4.     Tools to go beyond conflict: Perceptual position alignment, Anchoring, Conflict resolution on all logical levels,  Positive intention5.  Going from conflict to Creativity: is a key to resolving a conflict.  Conflict is not a bad thing: Finding creative ways to solve issues is the hallmark of a skillful negotiator.Using conflict as a resource: conflict can be used to generate new ways to seeing things and doing things.  6.   Exercise:Support the show

Have you ever sat in a seminar or a talk about communication and heard the speaker use these statistics about communication?·       7% are the words, ·       38% is the way the words are said (para verbals) and ·       55% of the communication is non-verbal  (body language)These often yet misquoted, out-of-context figures came out of the work of Albert Mehrabian, specifically, “Silent Messages.” Beginning the in 1960's Mehrabian, a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at UCLA,  has been known for his pioneering work in the field of nonverbal communication (body language). In the 1960s Professor Albert Mehrabian and colleagues at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), conducted studies into human communication patterns. When their results were published in professional journals in 1967, they were widely circulated across mass media in abbreviated form. Because the figures were so easy to remember, most people forgot about what they really meant. Hence, the myth that communication is only 7 percent verbal and 93 percent non-verbal was born. And we have been suffering from it ever since.The fact is Professor Mehrabian's research had nothing to do with giving speeches because it was based on the information that could be conveyed in a single word.It is important to understand the context of Mehrabian findings.  At a minimum, the formula applies to communications of feelings and attitudes (like-dislike), not simple communication, ambiguity, or incongruence.Here is the oversimplification of the true statistics:·       7% of meaning in the words that are spoken. ·       38% of meaning is paralinguistic (the way that the words are said). ·       55% of meaning is in facial expression. Listen as Mehrabian's findings are explained, the studies that determined the findings, and the misquotations are debunked. The record is set straight!Support the show

How can NLP address motivation? Motivation is the desire or willingness to do something. A major complaint of many clients is that they aren't motivated. The Keys to getting yourself to do something can be addressed in a system using the model of NLP. These include1.     Submodalities – compelling future; contrastive analysis2.     Meta programs3.     Beliefs4.     Values5.     Language6.     Model operatorsTo name a few.Here are some Motivation Presuppositions1.     You inspire others, you motivate yourself. It is an inside job 2.     An important premise: you are not unmotivated. To say I want motivation implies that I don't have any. You demonstrated motivation by making the statement that I am not motivated. Saying I have something or don't have something is digital. A unified field is holistic and analog.  3.     If you have the desire (note definition), you are motivated. 4.     Maybe you want to get yourself to improve on the timeliness of your execution. Then NLP can help.Support the show

Safe to say most human problems stem from other humans. Lately, I've been coaching a number of people who are starting relationships or are reaching a place where it is obvious that something has to change. Here is a short list of relationship characteristics that I think need to be there for a lasting bond. 1.     Do I feel safe? Does my partner feel safe?  Are you a safe person?2.     Do I know what I want? And that doesn't mean a huge 2-page list of criteria because no one exists like that. people will say that they want people of similar values; even people with the same values do very different behaviors.  3.     Do I have fun? Or is it hard? Is it work? Are you always second-guessing? 4.     Don't be a therapist with your partner. 5.     Learn the highly refined skill of going 2nd (or Other) position). Be able to really be in other person's shoes and see it from their point of view.  6.     Avoid getting involved with people who lie, deceive, or do drugs or heavy alcohol. 1st, addicts only do 1st position. 7.     Check your expectations at the door. I 8.     Let them be their own person. Let them enjoy their passions as you do yours.  9.     Remember it takes 90 days for the real person to emerge and the shadows.  Is there a give-and-take? Or does it seem one-sided?  10. Are you projecting? Seeing something in communication or behavior that isn't there.  11. Do your own work. If there is a conflict or you don't like something, NLP'ers have a lot of technology to change it in themselves: anchoring, conflict resolution, and reframing.  Support the show

 NLP contains many powerful concepts and techniques that can be transformative on their own, but when utilized as an entire system, NLP can make change almost effortless and sustainable. When we try to change something about ourselves or our actions simply through willpower, we often find it difficult to create and maintain motivation, develop and follow a successful strategy, overcome setbacks and obstacles, align our beliefs, values, identity, and thinking processes with the change we want, and tap into resources we already have that will help us to make and maintain the desired change. Using NLP as a system gives us the ability to do those things and create a desired change more easily, quickly, and sustainably.Key Discussion Concepts:Intention (I think of this as well-formed "outcome light," because it hits the main points of a well-formed outcome. VAK Sensory ExperienceThresholdBandura CurveIdentityBeliefsMeta Programs (Towards/Away, Procedures, Criteria)SCORE (Possibly)Support the show

This is a real treat! Stan B. Walters is our guest on this episode. Stan is known as “The Lie Guy®” and has appeared on ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox News, NBC, France Channel One, and Australia Today.  He was the host / technical adviser on National Geographic's “The Science of Interrogation.” He is a Certified Speaking Professional by the National Speakers Association. He has authored Principles of Kinesic Interview and Interrogation: 2nd Edition which has worldwide sales.  He has authored and co-authored numerous training materials, audio tapes, and pocket guides on Practical Kinesic Interview & Interrogation®.  His book The Truth About Lying: How To Spot A Lie and Protect Yourself From Deception is now being translated into 7 foreign languages and is now in it's its 7th printing.  He has served as Subject Matter Expert on Interviews & Interrogation at Johns Hopkins University.  He has also participated as one of two primary researchers in deception research that were conducted at John Jay College.    The results of this study were presented at two American Psychological Association Conventions and have been published in scientific https://thelieguy.com/stan-b-walters/stan-b-walters-the-lie-guy/With 35 years of experience, his results speak for themselves:• He prepares government, Intelligence & Military analysts, counter-terrorism specialists, and Special Forces for the task of getting accurate information that will save lives.• Local law enforcement agencies use his principles to assist crime victims and reduce false confessions.• Private corporations use him to educate their employees on proper interviewing techniques because bottom line – there is a cost to not knowing the truth.Investigators become proficient at conducting professional and ethical interviews.     Use methods that:   Insure Ensure justice for victims, Protect the offenders' rights, and deliver critical intelligence information that can save hundreds of lives!What Stan does dovetails nicely into NLP calibration skills.Here are some of the questions he answered:1.     How good are we a spotting deception?2.     Is body language really reliable for spotting deception?3.     What are some of the biggest myths about reliable signs of deception?4.     Are criminal investigators as good as they think they are at spotting liars?5.     I understand you have been in 38 prisons.  What is that all about?!6.     Who are some of the types of clients and agencies you have trained?7.     How long have you been doing training, research, and consulting?

Sometimes we have so much to do that the more we 'try' to get done, the less we actually do. We stop planning and jump from crisis to crisis, putting out fires, and never seem to accomplish anything. The feeling of overwhelm sets in and if left to itself will insure that the system will go into chaos. It is a very stressful place to be. You never seem to get ahead. Life becomes a decathlon, running and gunning, in an effort to beat the clock. Your aim becomes sloppy, you don't hit as many targets, and you get tired. It is distressful. It is no longer fun.James and Susan explore effective strategies to help gain control of life and business and get back on track.

This is a 10-minute "short" on the possible reason some people snack unconsciously while stressing, concentrating, or creating something new. 

Watching my favorite genre of TV series, the detective show, I am reminded about the importance of evidence.  The seasoned detective uses a lot of intuition because they have seen it all before and they develop tacit knowledge of criminal patterns that play over and over again.  But when it comes to charging and convicting a criminal for a crime, evidence is the name of the game.  One of the keys to NLP and developing achievable outcomes is the “evidence procedure.”  1.     So what is evidence procedure in NLP?  The observable evidence that a person uses to define whether or not a goal has been successfully achieved. What will be happening when you achieve your goal or outcome? This is demonstrated in sensory language: what will I see, hear and feel when I have what I want? It also indicates the Evidence Frame.  All outcomes and goals need evidence. Evidence helps you know where you are in the process.  2.     What is important about evidence? Without it, you have no idea if you are even going in the right direction. Evidence represents the path. It will determine the truth or validity of something, beliefs included. Is something worthy of attention. In fact, all beliefs are validated through evidence.  3.     In terms of the NLP outcome frame…. Other than assigning a value or purpose to your outcome, evidence is most important in guiding your way. It is one thing to set an outcome frame for something you want, it is another to pay attention to the evidence as you move toward your goal. 4.     What do you ask yourself? Am I getting closer to my outcome or farther away? The only thing that will tell you is evidence. It comes down to “if what you are doing isn't working, do something else.”  When someone is so focused on the goal, they fail to pay attention to the evidence around them that tells them to change tracks. Then they wonder why they hit a wall.   5.     Here is a checklist of things to do when you are in the process of getting something you want.1.     Make sure your goals are well formed and demonstrated in sensory words (see, hear, feel).2.     Have a clear evidence procedure of what is going to happen in sensory evidence that will indicate you are on the right track.3.     Keep records (written preferred) of your progress4.     Step back into the observer position to get a look overall at the landscape of your progress. (or through time). do consistently and often. 5.     It is ok to look at what could go wrong. Having both move away and move toward evidence covers both bases. Just don't focus on the ‘what could go wrong.' 6.     If something does go off the rails, look at it objectively. Can this ultimately lead you to where you want to go or do you need to adjust your methodology?Obstacles can actually be useful in the right frame. That is how post-its came into being. 7.     Make sure you are aiming for the right target. Doing your research is critical in achieving what you want – John Noe's story of the indy 500 track.8.     Time: sometimes our time frames are off. Even though goals are time specific, it is ok if you give yourself a little more time.9.      Get feedback. And use an expert to help you. Parents and friends are well-meaning but not necessarily your best guides. Sometimes people get so focused on something that they wear blinders to what else is going on and never get the outcome because there was evidence that things weren't working but ignored it or discounted it.  Evidence and feedback are critical components of achieving your ideal life.

Although the end-of-year holidays have passed, it is always a good reminder the review how the NLP Presuppositions can make interactions with others easier.Presuppositions, in general, act as guiding principles that are assumed as true for any model.  NLP, Neuro-Linguistics Programming is no exception.  To understand and engage the model of NLP, those 22 or so presuppositions must be accepted to make the model work.This episode addresses, What are Presuppositions? Where did they come from (the history of NLP presuppositions)?  Epistemology, behavior presuppositions, choice presuppositions, and communication presuppositions.  The episode includes a short exercise.

Episode addresses:1.     What is difficult about making changes 2.     How are beliefs important to making changes 3.     What are some of the important tools for facilitating a change?    Verbal affirmations,  Mentors,  Systems, Timeline,  Beliefs to support 4.     What is the timeline installation belief procedure and how does it work?When we have a desired outcome or goal, we need a system of beliefs that will support us in getting it.  positive beliefs and affirmations support motivation and confidence to achieve our goals. Beliefs create self-fulfilling prophecies because they are self-organizing. Beliefs, therefore, support our goals and make them possible or not. It is necessary to have supporting beliefs to attain goals and outcomes. Remember the logical levels in NLP: beliefs are necessary to mobilize and trigger capabilities and behaviors. Limiting beliefs can stop us from using our capabilities and stop us from taking the required steps to reach our goals. Timelines are useful in establishing an outcome. It provides a physical path from where you are to where you want to go, assessing doubts and interferences.  Using the BIP timeline can help you reach any goal by helping you draw from successes of your past to form the beliefs necessary to reach your goal.

James and I talk about how he using his NLP skills in his new business.He uses many more than three things, but here are his top three; Told from his point of view!1. Rapport skillsI am intensely dialed into whom I am speaking with in my driver roster and configure my interactions with them to match and pace the conversation.When addressing groups I am careful to cover all modalities with regard to using visual, auditory, and kinesthetic as well as move-away from and move-toward language patterns.2. The LAB ProfileI have been using the LAB profile anywhere from hiring drivers and executive staff to working with my customers and vendors.I build a mental profile of that person and use it in my arsenal when maintaining and building rapport3. State Management SkillMaybe the most impactful skill I've utilized. In terms of managing my own emotional responses to situations. Focusing on what variables I do know and are actual rather than "imagined outcomes." Being more aware of when I lose state and the ability to return to a more effective state rather than remaining in an ineffective one.Not allowing negative emotional states to envelope me based on unknown information about a situation or person4. Honorable mention; The NLP Presuppositions.Thank you, James! 

Kinesthetic anchoring, reframing, and conflict resolution are some of the NLP processes people can use for mental and emotional changes. There are many more but these are processes that people can learn how to use themselves and are simple change techniques.  It is most important to develop a wellformed outcome before using any process to resolve an issue.   An outcome is necessary for any change. The brain is directional. Tell the brain where you are going and what you want. It minimizes confusion.The previously mentioned processes do different things and produce different types of change: a.     Anchoring – feeling changes – how do you want to feelb.     Reframing – working with a part to change a behaviorc.     Conflict resolution – visual squash – used to reduce or eliminate a conflict at any logical levelAnother important consideration is at what logical level the change needs to take place. There are natural hierarchies of classification of change according to Gregory Bateson. There is often confusion about the logical levels when considering a change. Rules that apply at one level don't necessarily apply to another. Changing something on a lower level could affect a higher level but changing something on a higher level will often change the lower levels to support the higher level change.Here are some examples of how the logical levels get confused when changing something.  Anchoring – feeling change – when someone feels upset about something and they want to feel curious, resourceful, etc. a collapsed reality will give them choices in how to feel. BUT say a person doesn't like something someone is doing. Carefully choosing the resource is important. If they feel bad and they want to feel good. They may be feeling good about something where that feeling is inappropriate or even less resourceful than the original feeling.  Ice cream versus broccoli is an example of this.  Negative anchoring – attaching a bad feeling to something . Sometimes this works and sometimes it backfires. Reframing – for behaviors – reframe the part that is doing the behavior you want to change.Conflict resolution – make sure that both sides are on the same logical level: environment, behavior, capability, belief, identity, and spirit.   

This is an inspirational story of a  Master Practitioner of NLP who used NLP processes while undergoing cancer treatments. He mentions some of the processes in NLP he used, such as the Outcome Frame (sensory-based), anchoring, submodalities (pain management), the structure of questions, presuppositions, and beliefs (his and others). Other topics include 1.     Beliefs and the Bandura curve – a.     Belief in treatment, b.     Belief in a practitioner,  c.     Rapport and trust. 2.     Mental emotional vs. physical 3.     Presuppositions engaged 4.     Flexibility and attending to evidence – the medical model

Julie Thurburn, as guest host, and Susan Stageman discuss visual rapport -- What are you wearing for the conversation you want to have? Julie is a Certified Image Consultant.  In a slightly different format, they talk about rapport from a different angle: how our appearance can make or break rapport from the outside to the internal feelings we have.After Julie discusses why she got into Image Consulting and  the greatest challenges she solves for her clients, they discuss 1.  Personal Style is about you – what works best for you. That's colors, designs, garment details, etc. Being Trendy is about what others want you to wear. They choose the colors for you to buy that season, etc. 2. Trendy is a very expensive wardrobe because you're stuck in a cycle of pleasing people you don't even know – and who don't know you.  It's not a personal look, it's just buying clothes which must be replaced often (expensive) or prevent you from representing your best self (limiting your opportunities).3. Why is it so hard to know what to wear for every occasion? Having rapport with yourself is key to having rapport with others when you are doubtful and having internal negative conversations you are out of rapport with yourself and difficult to get into rapport with others.4. In part, because we often dress to please others and hope that the outfit is conveying the right message, with the ‘right message' being the one you ‘hope' others pick up on.  When you know what works for your shape and the impact colors have on the brain, you can more confidently choose the outfit that accurately conveys the message you want others to respond to.5. Having a sense of style helps create rapport with others. Knowing the styles/colors that work best for you helps you represent yourself at a higher level than when you just buy something off a mannequin because someone else chooses for the mannequin but not necessarily for you. So when you know how to choose well for yourself you dress more authentically than when you dress like a mannequin. It can establish visual boundaries and lets others know what kind of conversations you want to have. 5. The internal benefit of easily creating rapport with others is greater confidence in yourself because the results you want are easier to attain. 

Many parents ask me about NLP training or help with their child's self-esteem.This episode includesThe important stages of Childhood development  Sense of self around age 2The approach a parent should take if they think a child would benefit from NLPTeaching the child the NLP presuppositions and helping them apply them to life situations will help them understand how to deal with situations. Children are going to model you anyway. Teaching them the basic concepts of NLP will help them grow up gracefully.Perceptual positions are a useful tool for kids to learn. Communication skills could backfire.Anchoring and eye-repatterning can help a child be more resourceful.Self-esteem and self-confidence are two things to consider when introducing NLP to your children.   

The Score is an approach to solving problems and getting outcomes developed by Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein in 1987 to describe the process they were intuitively using to define problems and design interventions.  They realized through teaching a series of seminars that they were systemically organizing the way they approach a problem differently than the advanced NLP students.The SCORE stands for symptom, causes, outcomes, resources, and effect.  These are the minimum amount of information needed to be addressed by any process of change or healing. Basic S.C.O.R.E. Questions:1.    What is the ‘symptom' of this problem?2.    What is the ‘cause' of the symptom of this problem?3.    What is the desired ‘outcome' or goal?4.    What would be the longer-term ‘effect' of reaching that goal?5.    What ‘resource' would help address the cause?6.    What ‘resource would help achieve the outcome? The Score can be used in changework and coaching. 

Decision-making is a complex process – some processes are more complex than others.How you arrive at a decision is a process of taking in information both externally and internally and then taking action. To double down is to take a further risk in a situation or passionately re-commit one's efforts to a cause or course of action.SummaryDecision-making is a complex process that is affected by our past and what authorities we choose to use. Doubling down will follow decision-making in an attempt to correct course or to strengthen a position. Sometimes like digging a hole deeper in an attempt to get out of the hole.  It takes years for ‘science' to catch up to its theories, which are not always accurate even though they seem to make sense. Our biases and our authorities corrupt the information we are receiving.Beliefs and meta-programs act like biases in choosing a course of actionUse your history of good decisions and base your decision on structure, not contentLook at multiple sources of information – recognize their biases also. 

In this episode, we talk about Permissive or Indirect Language or The Milton Model. Indirect language or permissive language it is called sometimes is vaguely worded communication designed to bypass the conscious mind and speak to the unconscious. Phrases of permissive language or the Milton Model are often used to soften communication. Instead of using direct, authoritarian language, such as, "Do this report by Monday," the speaker might say, "Would it be possible to have this report to me by Monday."  The advantage of this type of communication is that is it more likely to maintain rapport, form symmetrical relationships rather than authoritarian ones, and lessen resistance on the part of the listener.The discussion includes:1.    What is permissive or indirect suggestions? 2.    What is the difference between permissive language and direct language? 3.    How do you use permissive suggestions? 4.    Is permissive language manipulative? 

Guest host, Brad Costanzo, and Susan Stageman talk about the Disney Strategy. The brilliance of Disney comes out in this strategy he used to build an entertainment empire during the depression. We talk about what it is, how to use it. Your inner critic has a job to do. Give it the right job.  When you organize your planning around the Dream, the Plan, and the Critic, your goals are so much easier to reach. Brad talks about how he has used this with his clients

Susan and Guest Host, James Lusk, explore the Meta Model, Process-Oriented Questions.What is the Meta Model? We review the Meta Model and its categories: deletions, generalizations, and distortions.  How do the language patterns of the Meta Model relate to our mental maps? Finally, James talks about some of his outstanding applications of the Meta Model and its importance in communication. 

Many people think they know what they want but haven't taken the time to discover what they are asking for.  It is easy to say, I want to be a great leader or business person or salesperson or wife, husband, chef, manager, etc. but do not have criteria or even what values or beliefs or behaviors a leader, etc. would have or what they would demonstrate to be a good leader, etc. Here is a shortlist of 10 things that are necessary to be effective at a leadership level. 1.       Be an excellent communicator – which means ask for clarification, command respect, add value to people2.       Know the rules and have clear boundaries – avoid bad-mouthing people you know. Have a clear idea of how to be and how to do it.3.       Readers – in other words, read, read, read.  A lot of great ideas come from books written by people who have blazed a trail.  You still have the ability to make what you learn to fit your style.4.       Problem solvers – problems are challenges to learn and grow.  Using creativity and intuition to get answers,  try different ideas and methods5.       Resourceful – they have internal resources, such as compassion, intuition, choice, flexibility, perception, listening skills, clear boundaries, intelligence, effective emotional state management, clear goals, creativity, balance, perspective6.       Coachable and trainable – leaders are open to learning new things, new ideas, new ways of doing things.  They accept challenges in a positive light.7.       Self Mastery – they believe that the way to lead others is to be able to lead yourself. To be able to lead yourself, you must master yourself, know your inner world, what your values are, what motivates you, what inspires you.8.       Visionaries – they must be able to see the big picture, step back and look at things from a variety of perspectives, see beyond where they are now, beyond convention, and persuade others to engage.  See something that no one else sees. 9.      Emotional Intelligence - the ability to identify and manage their own emotions and the emotions of others. 10.   Trustworthy – in other words, you can count on them to do what they say, say what they do, and keep you informed.Some of these overlap but for certain, a powerful list from which to start your own journey.  The ability to lead oneself and manage oneself is a hallmark of effective leadership.  Effective leadership involves being and doing qualities of people, not just behavior (doing).Anyone who wants to achieve something in their life needs to be self-aware. Without self-awareness, you are clueless about why something may or may not be working. With self-awareness, a person tends to have more empathy and compassion. Where does your journey begin?Here is one of my favorite quotes about leaders: Genuine leaders, such as Abraham Lincoln, are not only instruments of change, they are catalysts for change... Lincoln's obsessive quest for results tended to create a climate for risk-taking and innovation.  Inevitably there were failures, but Lincoln had great tolerance for failure because he knew that if his generals were not making mistakes they were not moving... The president viewed the failures of his generals as mistakes, learning events, or steps in the right direction... An often overlooked component of leadership is this ability to learn from people and experiences, from successes and failures.  The best leaders never stop learning. Lincoln on Leadership, by Donald T. Phillips

Part 1 of Sleight of Mouth Patterns is Episode #51.In episode # 51 we did SOM patterns REDEFINE, COUNTER EXAMPLE, HIERARCHY OF CRITERIA, AND INTENTION.In this episode we are going to try to finish the patterns.CHUNK DOWN, CHUNK UP,  APPLY TO SELF, REALITY STRATEGY, MODEL OF THE WORLD, ANOTHER OUTCOME, CHANGE FRAME SIZE 

Time is an elusive concept. Yes, Time is a concept. It doesn't exist the way we think it does. We can keep track of time on a clock. Because of that people tend to quantify time, having too much time on their hands or too little time. We have dozens of linguistic metaphors around time, i.e. Time flies or Time is money or you are running out of time or he is living on borrowed time.  From an NLP point of view, the concept of time is in our heads. How we organized time in our head determines how much we get done, how we organize tasks, how we perceive events. In this podcast, we explore how the organization of time can affect how much we get done. If you want "more time", listen up! By the way, there is no such thing as Time Management. It is more accurately termed Activity Management.[Note: the completion of Sleight of Mouth Patterns will be in Episode #53]

In 1980, Robert Dilts modeled the patterns of such esteemed communicators as Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi, Milton Erickson, Plato, and Socrates (to name a few.)  These individuals were superb at influencing belief systems and effectively persuading with these quick verbal reframes. Dilts called these language patterns Sleight of Mouth, named after sleight of hand from artful and crafty card magicians. These patterns have a magical quality when used and can produce dramatic shifts in perception.  Sleight of Mouth is a system of language patterns for persuasion and conversational belief change.  They set off a chain reaction to unravel beliefs and help the listener shift perspectives. They are verbal reframes that influence beliefs and the mental maps they come from. There are approximately 14 patterns.For the NLP student, Purpose of Sleight of Mouth Patterns:  Shift or reframe the various elements of a belief which make up the meaning or Cause-Effect of the beliefs to widen and enrich a person's map of the world. The outcome is to open the belief to doubt and open the belief to something more empowering. What are some examples? REDEFINE: What other meaning could this have? What is another word for one of the words used in the belief statement that means something similar but has more positive implications?Pattern of Speech: It's not that I am (you are)………….. It's that …………………. or  It means…COUNTEREXAMPLE:Finding an example that does not fit the relationship defined by the belief. What is an example or experience that is an exception to the rule defined by the belief?Pattern of Speech: Haven't there been times… or Can you think of other ways…. or It is hard for me to find/think… or It is difficult for me to find/think….HIERARCHY OF CRITERIA:What are the higher criteria?  Apply the higher criteria to the current statement. What is a criterion that is potentially more important than those addressed by the belief that has not yet been considered?Pattern of Speech: Which do you think is more important……..? or ….more important….More episodes on Sleight of Mouth to come.

 Forgiveness is an often misunderstood concept. You can use NLP to help yourself truly let go of things that you cannot change.  In the first segment, we talk about what is misunderstood about forgiveness. People oftentimes think that forgiving someone for what they did is condoning it. It is not.Learn what the difference is between condoning and letting go of our expectations.NLP has several forgiveness processes that can help a person free themselves from the binds of resentment and anger that come from not forgiving someone. This frees up energy to be spent on experiences that you can change. Learn how one of these processes works and be free from someone or something renting space in your mind.   

Significant Patterns in NLP for harmonious relationships:Unless you happen to find your soul mate (what is that mean anyway?) you are probably going to have ups and downs in your relationships. And even soul mates aren't perfect.NLP offers effective processes for keeping you and your partner or family member, boss, employee, etc. on the right track.  What are some of the processes in NLP that help people navigate the ups and downs of relationships?OutcomesRapport – especially breathingSensory acuityCalibrationAnchoringConflict resolutionAlign Perceptual Positions – boundaries and 2nd positionAligning neurological levelsUnderstanding LAB profile patterns – especially convincers, internal/external, away/toward/criteriaForgiveness processCounterexample processRole of language: using verbs instead of nouns: relationships to relating; work to working; communication to communicating What are the most significant skills and processes in NLP to help with good relationships? Rapport, 2nd position, Releasing Emotional Enmeshment, active listening, anchoring, forgiveness, outcomes, meta-model, understanding maps of perception

In EP 42 we talk about – How come I am not doing the things I really want to do? In that episode we talked about some things that stop us:1.    Modal operators: must, have to, want, need, should 2.    Submodality maps 3.   Don't know how or missing information 4.    Lateral or mismatched criteria 5.    Values 6.    Confusion with goals and tasks In today's episode, we are going to continue adding to the list and then talk about how to use a basic swish to change triggers. What are triggers (anchors)? We see, hear or feel something that triggers us into behavior or feeling. We see a dog or cat and we have warm feelings, or a loved one's face, or cop sitting on the side of the road. Our reaction to these things and many others is automatic.  Or we hear something – a song, or jingle, and we remember someone, a certain time in our life or a product. We hear train whistles or boat horns, ocean waves and we are transported to another time and place.  Or a siren, etc. Or we feel velvet or a pet's fur, or the silky feel of a child's hair, or sandpaper, or a pat on the back. Crisp sheets in the summer or gentle breeze on our face. We also taste and smell things that we have an immediate response to.  What are some more things that stop us from doing what we want to do?We are afraidWe are not committed. We are lazy, irresponsible, or want someone else to do it. –Beliefs – we've talked about these before. In order to do something, especially something you haven't done before or something that challenges your skills level, you have to believe it is possible, it is possible for you, you are capable or capable of learning it. That you deserve it and that it is worthwhile. If any of these beliefs are not present, then you may find yourself avoiding the behavior.We are not clear, no focused, or have no purpose for doing it. no clear goal. Do you know what level of belief stops you? if you know how to do something but don't do it: you know how to make calls but you don't do it, then you are capable but you may not think it is possible.What do you mean by becoming “not me”. So how would I use new triggers to change my behaviors – if I am capable and deserve it, it is worthwhile but I seem to be running on automatic?The Basic Swish works on removing triggers that steer us in other directions..You can learn how to adjust your pictures in your head to encourage behaviors and discourage others. If I want to look at my phone when I need to be doing something else, I push the mental picture of my phone away from me, make it dark and small so I can't see it. then make a picture of me doing what I want to do.

When many people start out doing something new, they ask for confidence to do it. They are wanting to motivate themselves to do something new. What makes people think they can be confident doing something they have never done or done enough to get good at it.  The episode discusses the Bandura Curve (the study of performance versus expectation) and how we often compare our performance to our expectations rather than where we started.We learn how to do something and get good at it through practice and learning. Competence comes from practice. Then confidence builds from that. NLP has numerous processes that can help us with self-assurance when learning how to do something. Self-assurance is what we need to ask for!

A part is a metaphor that can be thought of as a collection of beliefs, ideas, abilities, and states that have less connection with other states. You could think of them as subsystems that operate in people more or less independently of the whole or other subsystems. For example, a person may think of themselves as confident but in one area have a part of them that is doubtful of their abilities. A part usually represents a behavior, idea, or belief that can be separated out from the whole, as in …” a part of me wants…”  Satir used ‘parts to describe various aspects of self. Parts often make themselves present when we have a conflict. This concept is used in reframing and gestalt therapy.We become aware of parts when they behave or think in a way that is adversarial or in opposition to what we want. I've heard people refer to these parts as ‘negative'.  By giving parts new choices and allowing them to continue their jobs, parts can be transforming from being “against you” to helping you accomplish exactly what you want. By showing parts respect for the job they are doing, they can easily turn from doing something you don't want to do to doing something you want to do. It is always important to respect parts. The cool thing is we never get rid of a part.  We give it choices that are more conducive to a happy healthy system.  A six-step reframe is a process that negotiates with parts. After an outcome is established, the part can be given additional choices that are at least as effective as the present choice that will continually enable the part to do its job – accomplish its intention. Parts become your ally and friend. It is happy because it is getting what it wants and you are happy because you are getting what you want. 

 Why do people ask questions? To get information. Have you ever left a situation thinking, I wished I had asked more questions? Questions are a valuable part of conversations and communication in general. Yet, most training will focus on using the right words and listening rather than asking good questions. The conversation, meeting, or presentation direction depends on the questions asked and the information gleaned from those questions.  Ask questions to get high-quality information or useless information. It depends on the asker and the structure of the questions.    What do questions do for us? To Set a direction.Questions are tools that chunk information into smaller or bigger pieces. Can get a person to reinforce a problem because people set up filters to sample only the things that confirm what they already know or decidedOr can open up new frontiers of knowledge and possibilitiesIt can help people to process and reorganize information in a new way.Are defined by purpose Divide the world into categories, small or large.  For example, “Think of a time when you feel fascinated” creates a direction that chunks out that set of experiences – fascinated and says, “This is what we're going to do – select this.” "Think of an extremely intense example” decreases the number of examples the person can select from.   “Think of the time when you felt the most fascinated” represents the smallest set from which to select an example.Learn to ask “when” questions – will trigger information about where in time an event occurred and when it was perceived by the person to have started.Learn to challenge quantification in language because this pattern shows you where someone has placed boundaries of limits in their world model.  If someone says, “it just happens,” respond by saying, “Well, as you notice what happens, just before that, tell me what it is.”  This question is framed so that for a person to understand the sentence, they have to accept the presupposition that they are going to notice what it is.  And it drives things from the unconscious to the conscious… in the process of elicitation.The brain continues to search the memory system on an unconscious level even after an answer has been found on the conscious level.  The mind scan 30 items per second even when the person is unaware that a search is taking place.Is there a formula for asking a good question? The structure of a good question. The art of asking a question in NLP enables a person to ask a question that you know the answer to and lead the listener in a certain direction.  There is a very thin line between elicitation and installation. What is the meta-model in NLP? Designed to help a person understand the linguistic deletions, generalizations, and distortions. The Meta-Model is designed to obtain high-quality information in a short amount of time. The Meta Model:Not about finding out what's wrongIt is about finding out the limits of a person's model.Every question sets a direction and directs the listener on how to think.To improve communication ability, a key factor is listening and then clarifying what the other person means and avoiding assigning your subjective meaning based on your own experience.  It allows you to clarify assumptions quickly and precisely.  

Flow is a powerful concept for aligning yourself, life, and values to create serendipity. Serendipity is the process by which things happen - synchronistic events where things come together as if by magic.  This concept was originally put forth by  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his book, Flow: the psychology of optimal experience.  NLP helps a person to enter a state of flow more easily by aligning their thoughts, beliefs, outcomes, and values with what they want. Flow means to create harmony. It comes from having your outcomes aligned with your values and integrity. When life gets too hard and things don't seem to happen, often it is because we are trying to make something work that is misaligned or not clearly thought through. Sometimes a person is fighting against events in their environment that they cannot control. Sometimes stress gets the better of a person and they look at things negatively. Flow is a valuable concept for any NLP student. 

Indecisiveness is something that seems to plague a lot of people. It can be appreciated because it has a positive intent. I say this because being indecisive is a strategy unto itself. How do you decide to be indecisive? Well, you have to decide not to decide. It's the same as no response is a response. You are making a decision not to make a decision.This episode explores strategies for deciding when indecision takes over. What causes indecisiveness? What are some of the problems it causes? What stops us from making decisions. What are some steps to getting to a good decision? What are four things you need to make good decisions, and what is the formula for making good decisions? What is the role of intuition?All of it involves clarity at each level.VISIONYour highest level is Vision – What is your overall vision for your life? How do you see yourself spending your days?  In other words, what do you value; teaching, working with people, working with machines, travel, exploration, discovery, adventure, etc.?OUTCOMESNext, how can that Vision be met? These are your possible Outcomes. Do you want to have a career, a hobby, a family, be a homemaker? Your outcomes could be met through a certain type of career (teaching, financial planning, artist, trainer, business coach, travel agent, etc.)CRITERIAWhen you have your vision and possible outcomes, decide what the criteria are in the outcomes. What is important to you about something?For example, if a person's criteria are working with people, being independent, making over $100,000 a year, having balance, and maintaining their health, they want an outcome that will fit those criteria. You might not be suited to running your own business because you need structure. Where can you get your other criteria met to get what you want and still get the structure? Also, if something does not meet a criterion, you say NO! Other opportunities will come along. INFORMATIONOnce you have your criteria, outcome, and vision, now make certain you have enough information to decide.  Even your intuition will work better with more information.Speaking of intuition….if something nags you about it. PAY ATTENTION. A negative pervasive feeling is also information and needs to be checked out by gathering more information. If you can't get more information, move on.The other factor worth mentioning here is timing. Sometimes it's not that you need to decide between either/or but when. Sometimes choices can be ordered on a timeline to contribute to a progression of accomplishments, each step of the development for the next step. Do I go for the dream job, or do I take this consulting job for 4 months? Do the consulting job while looking for a dream job. They aren't mutually exclusive. They can both be a part of a larger vision.The formula for decisiveness.·         Be very clear on your overall vision·         Be clear about the outcomes that would give you the vision·         Be concise about your criteria that will meet those outcomes. ·         Then gather enough information to make the decision intelligent. The person who successfully flies by the seat of their pants has taken flying lessons.

What are some of the things we put off doing, don't do, think about doing but don't do even though we know how to do them?It can be as simple as reading a book, fixing something in your house, taking a class, returning that shirt. or changing the oil in your car. This isn't even taking into consideration big things: moving, changing jobs, changing careers, starting a business.It is frustrating when we have ideas and tasks we want to do but don't seem to make yourself do them. It seems so simple. What stops us? 1.    Modal operators: must, have to, want, need, should2.    Submodality maps3.   Don't know how or missing information4.    Lateral or mismatched criteria5.    Values6.    Confusion with goals and tasks7.    Viewed as not fun or significant This episode discusses strategies to get yourself going and where to start.

We live in a world with words surrounding us like we are fish in the water. We are aware of words but not necessarily conscious of their meaning or how they affect others. This episode is about the power of language. Words inform, and they also influence. The study of NLP is about how language affects our emotions and, therefore, our nervous system. Words subtly influence how to think about something without us ever knowing that it does. When we listen to a description of an experience or person and find ourselves having an emotional response, it is usually due to the words to make that description. This episode explores the nature of language and how we are manipulated into thinking a certain way about something by the adjectives and adverbs used to describe it.  If you like to do your own thinking, you will enjoy exploring the topic in this episode.

In our 40th episode, we discuss for each pattern, what it means to exhibit a certain pattern, how to determine a pattern and the influencing language for each pattern. We repeat working organization, the patterns of how people sort their world - people, place, thing, activity, or information.  At work, if a person is a high people-sort, yet they are in a job that centers mostly around processes and information, they will not be productive. Every job has a profile, having the right person to fit the profile will ensure that work gets completed and the person is happy in the job. The same goes for Self/Other, and Rule Structure. Self/Other is a pattern that helps people determine where a person puts their attention - on themselves or on themselves. This pattern distinguishes between those people who give and respond to feedback that lets them know how the conversation is going. The Rule Structure pattern has 4 categories: my/my, my/./ no/my, and my/your. Helps determine what rule structure a person uses and whether they will be suited for a certain type of work. And finally, the Convincer Channel and Mode. This is how a person is convinced - either see, hear, read, do - and what mode they use to be convinced - number of times, over time, consistently (never quite convinced) or automatic.

We visit Working Organization (primary focus) again (People, Place, Activity, Thing, Information; see EP #38) and Working Scope: General or Specific. Since Working Organization is explained in EP #38, we go to General or Specific. General or Specific whether a person likes the big picture or overall design of something or if they want the details. This pattern is important when it comes to communication in general. A "general person" likes summaries and overviews but does not like to get mired in details. The "specific person" likes details and finds the general communication random and hard to understand. A "general" can understand 'general' or 'specific'. The "specific" understands specific only. The General pattern is the absence of the Specific pattern. The hallmark of the Specific pattern is use of proper names, adjectives, adverbs, sequences, and modifiers. There is a pattern that features both General and Specific. This person can see the vision for the whole project and attend to any level of the projects as well.