I am a fifty-something single mom with a few ideas about life, love and a host of other ish. Join me every Wednesday for a new microcast adventure. My microcasts are never over 10 minutes. I offer valuable content in a short span of time, so please check out my show. Think of this podcast as a lot of bang for your buck since time is a form of currency!
1. SummaryIn tonight's episode, I am sharing my strategy for coping in the midst of chaos and madness. This is the first episode of season 8. During this season I am going to share quotes each week that support positive thoughts about things I feel are important to many of us. Please excuse me for not having a transcript for this episode. I am currently in the hospital recovering from an unexpected surgery I needed. I am sorry but the show will be on hiatus for a while. I am recovering from surgery. 2. Highlights00:00 Melody Beattie quote- "Gratitude unlocks the fulness of life..." 00:00 Annie Dillard quote- "A schedule defends from chaos and whim..." 00:00 David Cronenberg quote- " Everybody's a mad scientist..." 3. LinksPlease email me if you have suggestions or comments for my show, daisygwoods@gmail.com. I want to recommend this free book to you if you need a resource for encouraging quotes. https://inspiremetoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/365DailyQuotes.pdf (https://inspiremetoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/365DailyQuotes.pdf)
1. SummaryIn tonight's episode, I am talking about the amazing lessons that I learned when I had an encounter with a man who was experiencing homelessness. He amplified my gratitude for the life I am living today. 2. Highlights01:51 Haiku 02:15 Meeting Terry 03:35 My Story 3. LinksPlease email me if you have suggestions or comments for my show, cocogriot@gmail.com (The a is missing in cocoa in my email addy!) Please consider donating to https://backonmyfeet.org/ (https://backonmyfeet.org/) to disrupt the cycle of homelessness.
1. SummaryIn tonight's episode, I am talking about the amazing lessons that I gleaned from studying the history of Michelangelo's statue of David. There are relevant life lessons I am grateful to share with you about the challenges of creating this statue. 2. Highlights01:33 What others deem as fixed, may not be the case for someone with vision. 02:46 One man's trash is another man's treasure. 03:57 Don't be overly influenced by the opinions of others. 3. LinksPlease email me if you have suggestions or comments for my show, cocogriot@gmail.com (The a is missing in cocoa in my email addy!)
Please bear with me while I work to find a show notes format that is best for my listeners. There is a transcript attached to this episode. 1. SummaryIn tonight's episode, I am talking about quotes from the book Who Moved My Cheese? by Dr. Spencer Johnson. If you have been struggling with change during the pandemic, I have some great insights to share with you in this show. 2. Highlights01:13“Sometimes, Hem, things change and they are never the same again. This looks like one of those times. That's life! Life moves on. And so should we.” 02:11 “Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” 02:59“Noticing small changes early helps you adapt to the bigger changes that are to come.” 3. LinksPlease email me if you have suggestions or comments for my show, cocogriot@gmail.com (The a is missing in cocoa in my email addy!) Check out the book https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B8hUGU8trXU6ZU1WSjFvaDlmbFk/edit?resourcekey=0--ZXBCjUrXSX_aizjOpoG1Q (Who Moved My Cheese?) by Dr. Spencer Johnson
00:13 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode! I am Cocoa Griot, a fifty-something who is not going to keep you long but strives to keep you strong. Have you ever had one of those days that was so intense you literally wanted to rip the day off the calendar and pretend it never happened? I experienced that last week and then I had to scold myself for allowing myself to get in the negativity zone. I have ingredients that I keep on hand to enhance my happiness and when I summoned them, my blue skies dissipated and there was sun shining in my life again. Let me just say I am only speaking based on my own experience. Ithought I would share a little info about what turns me around when I am down. This evening I was to share with you my ingredients for happiness: loving wisely, giving freely, and laughing frequently. 01:18 What does love wisely mean? I believe that when you love wisely your eyes are always wide open and you don't overlook red flags when they are paraded in your face. A couple of sayings from my mom and grandmother come to mind when I think about loving wisely. Everything that looks good to you ain't good for you my mom used to say. That handsome man or striking woman could be the source of immeasurable trouble dear listeners. Sometimes we are fascinated by a person's outward appearance and we don't take into account the inside may not be attractive. This is the case with he=who=shall-not be named. He was strikingly handsome but nutty as a fruitcake. A saying my grandmother shared with me describes my situation with he-who=shall-not-be-named. “The same thing that can make you laugh can make you cry!” In my case, it would often be within the same day. There was such an emotional roller coaster ride I would teeter between elation and despair in the span of a few hours. Now what does love look like for me? Loving wisely involves making self-love a priority. Understanding that when I am healthy and whole, a relationship has a better chance of surviving than when I don't make myself a priority. On that day when I was struggling last week, I just focused on pampering myself. That was the downpayment on elevating my mood. 03:03 Living freely is easier said than done. I have a few strategies I like to employ which support this goal. One of the most difficult things for me to do, but it is absolutely necessary, is to recognize when my cup is full. Part of me sees this as giving up, but the reality is it is a self-preservation tool. When you chain yourself to a task it can drain you. I find myself overly committed to doing things for others sometimes. This eats up my available free time and it is difficult to stay emotionally upbeat when you feel like there is always something to do. I am going to say this and please hear me out. Voicemail exists for a reason. You don't have to answer every call, text, or email immediately. There are times when you have to liberate yourself and just be free. It seems we are conditioned to quickly respond to communication once we receive it, but that is not the ideal way to live. I unplugged for a little while last week and it was an incredibly enjoyable experience. The biggest piece of advice I am sharing is know when you are at your limit, and out of respect for your own sanity, take some downtime to re-energize yourself. Don't get caught up in the Atlas complex. You don't have to take on the weight of the world! 04:34 The most effective part of my trifecta of improving my mood is to laugh frequently. There is a library of material on Netflix, youtube, and old sitcoms that I consult when I need to lift myself out of the dumps. I recognize that everyone has different tastes in comedy. I enjoy clean comedy because I want to be able to recommend the subject matter to all types of people. It amazes how Lucille Ball working on the chocolate factory assembly line still makes me chuckle like it did years ago when I first saw that episode. Beyond the classics, there are clean...
Thank you for turning in tonight. I am working on getting my transcript service reactivated.
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Please visit the sponsor of tonight's show at www.pair.com/free. My mistakes are not edited out of this podcast, because they remind me I am human. So many people want everything to be perfect, that is not the place where I choose to live and I am happy! 00:12 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode! I am Cocoa Griot an enthusiastic fifty-something who is delighted to talk to you about life, love, and a smattering of other topics. I feel very confident when I share information about topics I am very familiar with on this show. Tonight's topic is a little different for me because I love my job! Many of you know I work as a professional mentor and I absolutely feel like it is purpose-driven work. I don't just make a living, I make a difference! I know I am one of the lucky ones when it comes to the work I am blessed to do. Something very interesting happened during the pandemic and many people have separated themselves from employment. This phenomenon is known as the Great Resignation. I decided to check out what the experts are saying caused the Great Resignation. Tonight I am going to share three main reasons some experts say that work is not working for millions of Americans. 01:19 According to Dave Ramsey, one reason people quit their jobs was that the pandemic caused a philosophical reset. People literally realized that life was too short to spend it doing something they did not enjoy. Let's think about how work changed for so many people. There were layoffs, furloughs, working from home hybrid models of work, and the list goes on and on when it comes to the district disruption of the hamster wheel many of us lived on for years. the past gave some individuals time to rethink what work meant to them. After some of us thought deeply about our work. We let it go. Yep, pulled up an Elsa moment right out of the hat. In September 2021 Alone 4.4 million individuals quit their jobs. That is a staggering number. And it's hard to comprehend that many people just said I quit. The reality is that in the first seven months of 2021 25 million Americans separated themselves from their employer. It made me think about this quote. " Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark and professionals build the Titanic Titanic. Okay, I cannot talk tonight. 02:27 Beyond the philosophical reasons, there are other reasons people quit their jobs. Andrew Flowers, a labor economist, offers insight as to why some workers are quitting their jobs and it really boils down to money matters. Mr. Flowers compared the wages of job switchers and people who remained in jobs. Interestingly enough he noted there was significant earnings for people who chose to switch jobs. The fact is that many companies realize that in this current economy wages have to increase to attract and hire new employees. Mr. Flowers stated that companies have to start looking at their salary scales more frequently than on an annual basis in order to stay competitive in the job hiring sphere. Evidence of this is all around in my community. When I saw pizza chains offering $3,000 sign-on bonuses I was shocked! Before I reveal the final reason some experts are saying work isn't working for millions of Americans, I want to share a word from tonight's exciting sponsor of this episode. 03:31 "If you have a business, you need a website. What's the best way to get a website up and running? Choose a website hosting company that makes it simple, like Pair Networks. Pair has over 20 years of experience managing the entire digital ecosystem for thousands of online businesses, all around the world. Pair makes it easy for you, with do-it-yourself website building tools and features, including simple drag and drop page design. And they have guaranteed US-based support technicians ready to help you whenever you need it – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Right now, when you sign up with Pair Networks, you'll receive one free month of web hosting. See...
0:05 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast bold I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who is so excited to talk to you dear listener about life love, and a plethora of other topics. I don't know about you but every month when I look at my credit card bill, I examine the number of subscriptions that I have like subscriptions to Netflix and I think about how am I ever going to let these things go? Then I remember the reason that I get these services is because of the way they are finite in my mind. I don't think I'm going to be paying for Netflix forever. There's a kind of temporariness to the relationship between me and the company I'm subscribed to. So that started me thinking about how love is today when everybody is swiping to shop for love like you shop for a premium video streaming service or you shop for your groceries through a delivery service. Does love deserve more than what we give to our subscription services? 01:25 Tonight I want to ask a question, is it time to cancel the subscription mentality of love? The reason I believe we have a subscription mentality of love is based on three aspects of the current mindset about relationships. Number one, when you are shopping for love, you are making comparisons between people to say what amenities do I get over here as opposed to getting over there? Now that's fine when you talk about a video streaming service or even how you're going to get your groceries, but are we really being fair to ourselves if we are searching for love that way? Now I'm not knocking online dating if that's your thing, my personal experience with it has not been that great, but I am a 50 something so that might account for the slim pickings that I had to go through. But all kidding aside, I really do wonder if in our mind when we go through these catalogs of men or women or whatever we're shopping for, we just think this is not necessarily Mr. or Mrs. Right, but Mr. and Mrs. Right now until I'm offered a better deal. And it really concerns me because I think we sell ourselves short and relationships short because we're so hung up on this fear of missing out. This FOMO mental battle of if I go with Choice a choice B might come along and there's probably more of that for me than I'm going to get with Choice a. That is like comparing what's on Netflix and Hulu and deciding who you're going to go with based on the offerings of that particular subscription service. 02:32 Another way that I truly believe we are treating love like a subscription service is when it comes to commitment. Now what I said in the last Point kind of addresses it but I want to drill down even more. Someone told me that do you know you can look at marriage or marriages as just a series of events that you participate in your lifetime? I sat back and thought about that and I said there was nothing in my marriage vows that said until you feel like flipping to another Channel go ahead and focus on this channel. But that was kind of the equivalent of it. In other words when you get bored with this program, just call up another program. Call up another service and you're good. That is not how I view marriage. The vows are pretty clear if you choose to take them. In sickness and health And for richer or poorer really means something to me. I can't look at marriage as just an event I attended because it was something to do at the time. It's deeper for me than that. It means connecting with another individual and being there for one another throughout all of life's challenges no matter what comes along. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened in the end before my husband passed away. I had no idea that I will be changing his diapers before he left this planet. But I did that because of those words in sickness and in health and I also knew that if the shoe was on the other foot he wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing for me. We have to know that who we couple ourselves with is not just with us for who we are...
00:08 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, a fifty-something who is so ecstatic to share my thoughts with you about life, love, and a host of other topics. It seems that I blinked and 2021 is just about done! This is the time of year when many people start to think about how they want to live differently in the new year than they did in 2021. I want to share a few plans on how to make 2022 Happy You Year! This topic came to me because so many of my friends are really not living for themselves. I have to beg them to do for themselves and it makes me sad. I believe you can make yourself a priority without neglecting the people you love. In fact, making yourself a priority will often improve your relationships with those you love. Three areas of life can make a huge difference in 2022 being Happy You Year. 1:05 The first domain is time. Commit to giving yourself at least one uninterrupted hour of each day to do something you want to do! It could be reading, watching a tv program, exercising, writing, or any activity you enjoy. When I say one hour, I mean one solid hour! Do not bargain and take two thirty-minute sessions, or 4 15 minute sessions. You are totally worth taking at least one hour for yourself. This is something I do the first hour of the day upon waking. It is my time to meditate and be in tune with how I am feeling. Nothing can interrupt this time! It is my job to protect this time and honor it. In doing so, I feel that I am putting a down payment on an amazing day! There are times when I have had to wake up an hour earlier than I normally would in order to have this protected time. To be clear, this is the minimum you should give yourself each day. If you can find more time, that is wonderful. 2:08 The second path to Happy You Year is developing a relationship with the word no. That's right, learn to use this word without guilt. You have a right to refuse anything that compromises your peace, sanity, or financial health. When people call you and invite you into the latest chaos in their lives, you have a right to say no. Exit the conversation and focus on something positive that will help to lift your spirits. When people ask you to correct financial misdeeds they have made and funding them will make you financially vulnerable, say no. People often finance their wants and expect you to finance their needs. Sometimes you can say no without saying a word. Voicemail was invented for a reason. Allow people to go to voicemail if you don't feel up to dealing with a conversation that you know will drain you. It is not a given that you have to respond to every text message you receive. Sometimes we are so caught up in being nice people that we are not nice to ourselves. We contort ourselves into incredibly uncomfortable positions to appease others. The irony is that we will cross oceans for people that would not hop over a puddle for us. Know your limits and respect them by using the word no when an occasion calls for it. 03:19 I am saving one of the most difficult habits to adapt for last. Do not argue with anyone! I am going to say that again. Do not argue with anyone. I struggle with this probably more than I should, but I am going to tell you how I get out of the you will hear my perspective zone. I have talked about this before and I want to reiterate the importance of respecting your truth. The core of many differences I have had with others is because I stopped respecting my truth and recognizing that others have their truth. When I respect and own my truth, I will not try to ram it down your throat. There is no need because I am comfortable with my own truth. When I make it my business to get you to honor my truth, I have lost sight of what really matters. I don't have to fight about something that is my truth. The saddest thing in the world is to watch two people who are just going at it and neither person is listening to the other to understand. They are just...
"There is something about Christmas that is magical. Money just seems to disappear into thin air." Melanie White 00:12 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a fifty-something who is super amped to talk to you dear listener about life, love, and a throng of other topics. It is the most wonderful time of the year and it is also the time that many of us sink deep into debt to provide a magical Christmas experience for friends and loved ones. In honor of this special time, I wrote a poem that summarizes what many people will experience after Christmas is over. 00:37 “Twas the night before my credit card payment was due, No holly jolly feeling, just up to my ears in debt blue. A stocking was hung by the chimney with care, Now I have got a balance from the things I put in there. My children are all nestled in their beds, while visions of a second job dance in my head. I heard a sound it was a concerning matter, I had turned down the thermostat so my teeth began to chatter. I glanced quickly around the room for things I could sell, Christmas was great, but now I am not feeling so well. I grudgingly decided to add up the receipts, it took incredible courage to accomplish this feat. The Christmas spirit must have had a hold on me, my balance exploded because of all the gifts under the tree. I tried to focus on the gleam in my children's eyes, Wasn't all this worth it to see their joy and surprise? Well actually not knowing that I will have to be away from them more, because of my overzealous shopping spirit and presents galore. They might not remember what they opened on Christmas Day, I will never forget because of the debt I have to pay. 2:58 I made this poem because for many years this was my reality. I would strain myself to buy gifts I could not afford with money I did not have. I worked two jobs for many years to try to climb out of debt. Now if I don't have the money for it, I will not buy it. I am not saying parents should not give their kids gifts. I just know that I made the holiday about the gifts for a long time. In doing so, I wore myself down trying to outdo one year by what I purchased the next year. I hope that if you celebrate Christmas you are able to do so with those you love. Thanks for listening this evening and as always I wish you good health, good fortune, and a goodnight.. Cocoa Griot out!
00:11 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot. just a 50 something who enjoys sharing stories with you about life, love, and a smattering of other topics. Last week I talked to you guys about the stress that can creep up on you during the holidays. The title of this show is one of my favorite quotes in the world. I think it is time to embrace this quote during this stressful time of the year or any time. One of the uncomfortable truths about life is it is easy to default to the negative and develop a pattern of stinking thinking in times of self distress. I like to reflect upon simple quotes that really rev up my sense of self-worth. Tonight, I'm going to talk to you about a famous quote from Winnie the Pooh's Christopher Robin, and how it applies to my life. I hope you can apply this important sentiment in your life as well. "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." 1:06 Let's start with the bravery part. A couple of years ago I was on my way to work. I checked my GPS to estimate the time it would take me to get to work that morning. It was going to be a beautiful day since my drive would only be about 45 minutes. according to my trusty navigator. But halfway to my destination, the defecation struck the rotary oscillator, so 45 minutes became an hour and a half due to a car wreck. My mouth became the Sahara's twin and my heart started racing as if I was five paces away from some imaginary finish line. Then, a pain ran through my chest that let me know it was time to exit the freeway because I was probably exiting life's freeway. When I arrived at the nearby clinic quickly explained my symptoms. Immediately they gave me nitroglycerin because my blood pressure was dangerously high. The pensive looks on the staff's faces were enough to convince me of my biggest fear. I was going to have a heart attack. The doctor called me to have me transported to a hospital to handle my condition. When I arrived at the hospital my blood pressure was lower, but I was not totally in the clear. I gathered enough strength to text my family to tell them where I was. but I failed to do so. As the fear gripped me, I kept waiting for the tsunami of death to wash over me. After what seemed like days, but was just a matter of hours, doctors told me I needed to go through some crucial tests. I didn't cry or feel sorry for myself. The truth is I was going to face some difficult decisions by myself and I had to be a big girl for them. I was overwhelmed when they asked me to sign a particular form. If they found blockages in my heart, triple bypass surgery would be performed immediately. No one was with me. I mean no one. The nurses who prepped me for the angiogram had a round face and kind eyes. Was this the last face I would see before leaving this phase of existence? I pondered. upon I glanced at the monitor that was some kind of medical Jumbotron projecting an image of my heart. "Your heart is perfect." These words from the doctor were welcomed with a huge sigh of relief. So what happened and why did I end up on this table expecting to have my chest cracked open? Stress was responsible for this terrifying experience. But I faced it briefly and I was proud of myself for doing so. What have you faced that is evidence of your bravery? Give yourself credit for your fearlessness. 3:18 Moving on to stronger than you seem I can think of one experience that highlights my strength more than any other in my life! June 27, 1995, was the day I had to talk to Cameron about his dad's grave medical condition. He had just turned seven the day prior and he was an astute little guy. I knew that he knew something was wrong because we had been visiting James in the hospital for a few weeks. We celebrated Father's Day and Cameron's birthday next to James' hospital bed. James had whispered in my ear during the birthday visit that he wanted to die at home. He didn't want to be hooked up
“How we perceive a situation and how we react to it is the basis of our stress. If you focus on the negative in any situation, you can expect high-stress levels. However, if you try and see the good in the situation, your stress levels will greatly diminish.”- Catherine Pulsifer 00:05 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who's super excited to have a few moments of your time to talk about life love, and a hodgepodge of other topics. Let's face it, the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year for added stress. In this episode, I share tips on how to maintain your sanity while navigating dealing with family and friends. Holidays, the time period between Thanksgiving and New Year's day can be a delight or a disaster. I want to share a sobering fact with you. About 40% of adults are plagued with anxiety around the holidays. Why? What is it about this time that should be joyous that propels so many of us into a tizzy as the country folk say. Expectations about how our holidays should be are a major culprit of anxiety for a lot of people. Tonight, I'm going to show you three strategies that I am using to help reduce my holiday anxiety. I hope these will help you if you tend to experience anxiety during the holiday season. 1:13 The first area and one that is always hanging overhead is money. I found myself singing this tune the other day. It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas! Then I thought to myself, you are the gatekeeper of your finances. Spend what you can afford to buy and with what you have in hand right now. I say this as I'm just paying off Christmas gifts from two years ago, I saw an intriguing article that said give to someone that your relative supports. Like any kind of cause and then donate in your relative's name. That is such a novel thought and I can tell you if you are searching for a nonprofit to give to, Friends of the Children in Austin Texas positively impacts vulnerable youth and their families. Ask your family members directly what causes do you support? Let them know that you provided a donation to their cause on their behalf. That is truly a gift worth giving. If you are crafty, there are tons of videos on YouTube about how to make personalized gifts with supplies from the Dollar and 25 cent tree. Yes, prices have gone up in my favorite store so I'm no longer calling it the Dollar Tree. Just keeping it real here. These are just a couple of strategies I'm using this year to save my stress level and let it down because I'm not going to float Christmas gift debt for years anymore. 2:39 My second strategy to reduce anxiety around the holidays is to not hold people hostage for who they are. There are family members that I have who can push my buttons and I go from zero to ziggity boom when they do! Instead of allowing these people to essentially have a joystick in my back and control my emotions, I'm employing some stress reduction strategies I teach my mentees. Number one, I will respond and not react. If something is said that I don't agree with. I will acknowledge that this individual has a right to their truth. At the same time, I will honor my truth and not participate in heated exchanges. Number two, I will take deep breaths and trace my fingers to invite my body to return to a state of calm. Number three, if all this fails, I will remove myself from the situation in a grown-up timeout. During that time I will review my behavior and make sure I was operating as my best self in that situation. 4:06 The third strategy I'm going to use is being open to modifying traditions or creating new ones. I spent time with my son on Thanksgiving at his home instead of mine. At first, I felt guilty about it. But I realized how much more relaxed the day was when I was not responsible for a ton of cooking and cleaning. The essence of the holiday, being with family really was the focus of the day. I think expecting matriarchs or patriarchs to...
"The supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons"- PG Wodehouse 00:10 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I'm Cocoa Griot! Just a fifty-something who is so amped to talk to you about life, love, and a boatload of other topics. Do you drink milk? I am lactose intolerant. Tonight I want to talk a little about intolerance I see today and the bad behavior it inspires. I have to say that the three stories I'm sharing tonight are designed to make you think about how awful we can be as people. No compilation of bad behavior will be complete without at least one Karen story. If you don't know about Karen's, then let me give you a brief summary. The name Karen applies to someone who exhibits outrageous and entitled behavior in situations. The drama factor is multiplied to the max. Just watching them makes me shake my head. Karens can be of any race. Karen's are everywhere, and well they have one major thing in common. They are prolific examples of how the milk of human kindness is spoiled. That's my topic for tonight. When did the milk of human kindness spoil? 1:21 Without further adieu, let me introduce you to a Karen story that went viral and I am still in awe. This first story actually happened a decade ago. But I am labeling this a Karen sighting because it fits the definition to a tee. One morning at 10:30 am. A customer pulled into the drive-thru at a McDonald's in Toledo, Ohio, and ordered chicken McNuggets well there was only one small problem that eventually grew into a larger one. Chicken McNuggets were not served at 10:30 am. Instead of ordering breakfast, Melody Dushane ordered a big cup of crazy behavior. She not only started climbing through the drive-thru window, she told them that they did not want her to assume her ultimate form. As if her trying to climb through the window was not scary enough. What is the ultimate form you might ask? She told them that they did not want her to go Super Saiyan on them. Yes. She was going to turn into a cartoon character and harm them all! Well, and to think Superman wasted his time searching for a phone booth to change, and I digress. Well, this McNugget mania Melody put the staff through didn't go well for her. Instead of getting the McNuggets she wanted, she ended up earning an indictment by the Grand Jury because she punched out the windows at McDonald's drive-thru. Man, I guess when you got to have those McNuggets you just got to have them. 2:55 My next example of how the milk of human kindness has spoiled involves McDonald's again. I am feeling so bad that the golden arches are somehow a magnet for bad behavior. Think about this. What is the one thing many people are frustrated by when they go to McDonald's? Well, the ice cream machine is always broken. I think our next customer behaving badly gave up on ice cream and moved on to slushies, but she wants to mix flavors. The clerk politely tells her they are not allowed to mix flavors. Customer's response? She goes on a profanity-laden tirade and storms behind the counter, demanding her request be honored. When she charged towards the slushie machine intent on carrying out her mission, the worker gave up on customer service and gave her some fist service. The woman seem genuinely shocked that her abuse was not tolerated. In fact, she left McDonald's in the back of a police car after she was arrested. Cherysse Helena Cleveland was charged with two counts of misdemeanor assault. You know, maybe she should have gone to Burger King where they let you have it your way. That sounds way better than having McMisdemeanors on your record if you ask me. 4:11 Now before you think I am just combing the internet for McDonald's bad behavior or that only women bug out in public, let me share the story of an airline brouhaha in Miami this past year. I'm old enough to remember the saying about flying the friendly skies. Well, it's a good thing the skies are friendly because a few months ago, a...
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ― Maya Angelou, https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1413589 (I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings) 00:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something single mom who delights in talking to you about life, love, and an array of other topics. This evening I'm thankful for so many things in my life. I know that many people will sit down with family and friends on Thanksgiving, and remember how blessed they are to still be here. Recent events have further polarized the United States and sometimes it's just hard to find a kernel of good news. I invite you to stop and take a few moments to think about what you are thankful for. I believe an attitude of gratitude increases our latitude. I want to take this opportunity to share something I am thankful for, the chance to reach out to others. You see Daisy is an introvert. Daisy is incredibly shy and has difficulty opening up to people. I began my journey as Cocoa Griot a few months into the pandemic. I started a blog and this podcast to help me feel connected to others. The core of who Cocoa Griot is was forged by some events in my life that don't hold the best memories for me. I am going to share my story in poem form. Thank you in advance for listening. 1:45 I was curled up in my bed, held hostage by a mental chain. The wreckage from my abuser continually permeated my brain. I decided there was only one way to get those thoughts to leave. Replacing them with new ideas was a welcome reprieve. I struggled to see my beauty and I questioned my value and worth. When I opened my mind to writing, my heart entertained joy and mirth. There was one avenue of writing most worthy of my time. I find solace and safety when I engage in rhyme. The comfort of predictable meter, some people don't understand. It is my sanctuary, a true soft place to land. I spent years in insanity with no haven or foundation. Rhyme is my security blanket, and it changed my sad situation. Now you know my story, so my name I will explain. It is important to showcase my pride since I escaped my pain. I am a historian, storyteller, and poet-griot. The hue of my skin is a deep rich cocoa. 3:14 That is the story of how Cocoa Griot was born. When you go through trials and tests in life, you should emerge with a testimony. In fact, T-E-S- T is the start of the word testimony. This platform gives me a chance to share the wisdom I gleaned from a myriad of life experiences. I am grateful for my listeners from all over the globe. If you have a journey that you want to share to help guide others, I encourage you to create content to connect with people who just might need to hear what you have to say. It doesn't have to be a podcast. It doesn't have to be a blog. It could be through art. Whatever your talent is, you can make a difference in this world. My hope is that your days ahead are peaceful, prosperous, and full of joy. Thanks for listening this evening. As always, I wish you good health good fortune, and good night. A very grateful Cocoa Griot out! Happy Thanksgiving!
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton, https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/4198 (Mistral')s Kiss 0:07 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, you know that 50 something who is delighted to talk to you about life, love, and a heaping of other topics. Today I want to discuss the lyrics of one of my favorite songs by Envogue and how it can apply to our lives. The song is entitled Give It Up, Turn It Loose. If you don't know the song, the basic gist of it is this is young lady is being strung along by her boyfriend. Her friends have tried to encourage her to give it up and turn it loose because it's not a healthy relationship for her. Tonight, I want to focus on some things that I have to give up and turn loose. There's nothing healthy about holding on to these three things. 0:52 Every now and I'm going to show a little of my nerdy side and guys just bear with me. This is one of those nights. One of the things that I've learned I have to do is let go of past trauma. I want to explain what not working through past trauma can do to us and why it's particularly harmful. Recently, I read that you can think of past trauma as shrapnel in your mind. That's right, it's leftover harmful fragments of an injury. When you don't remove physical shrapnel, it has an impact on the body. Mental shrapnel has an impact on the mind that can prevent you from experiencing your best life and happiness. I believe this problem exists among many people in our society today. It's definitely difficult to work through traumatic experiences, but healing from them offers a fuller and richer life. Negative events tend to stay in our minds 10 times longer than positive events. The implications of that just blow my mind. How many of us at the end of the day can recount more negative experiences than positive? When I think about children who are growing up in this pandemic.,I wonder how much trauma they are experiencing and absorbing? There is so much secondary trauma that piles on top of what they already are dealing with personally. I'm on a mission to give past trauma up and turn it loose. 2:16 The second thing I have committed myself to giving up and turning loose is self-doubt. Wayne Gretzky once said you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I am super guilty of this because I often suffer from analysis paralysis. I would think through a situation so deeply that I convinced myself I don't have the tools to carry out whatever the task is at hand. Has that ever happened to you? You were presented with an opportunity and you convinced yourself that you don't have the knowledge, skills, or abilities to handle the task. Dunning Kruger effect is real, but here's the irony regarding this. People who boast about being confident and competent, often are not. People who do have the acumen for a task, often shy away from it because of self-doubt. It is important to take honest stock of what you have to offer in this situation. I'm the first to say I never want to be promoted past my competence, but you do have to give yourself credit for the things you do know and are able to do. Moving forward I'm willing to take an honest assessment of my skills and not knock myself before I even give myself a chance to prove that I can't do something. I have to give it up and turn it loose. 3:34 The last thing I need to give up and turn loose and I am so ashamed to say this ya'll is holding grudges. This is one of the most pointless and fruitless things that exist in my life. If a person angers me, the recovery period is pretty fast. Hurt my feelings and well that's when a grudge might just sneak up and appear. Voltaire said, "We are all formed of frailty and error, let us reciprocally pardon one another. "That's easier said than done, my friends! When someone injures me emotionally I must admit my first thought is not how I've been...
“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” — Morticia Addams00:07 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot 50 something who truly enjoys sharing my thoughts with you about life, love, and a heaping of other topics. Now being a woman of a certain age, I get a lot of calls regarding advice. I feel like since I've been on this planet for a minute, I should share wisdom if it can help someone avoid mistakes I've made. Lately, though, I've been feeling some type of way about people who ask for my help, but then do the exact opposite of what I encourage them to do. These people are lovingly known as askholes. They will ask for your advice, and then willingly not do what we advise them to do. Now you might be thinking, well, a person has a right to do what they choose. I'm the first to agree with that, but my issue is why ask if you do not intend to follow the advice? In my neck of the woods, we call that a colossal waste of time.! I'm going to share a few reasons why I'm not entertaining askholes any longer. 01:12 The first reason I'm no longer dealing with askholes is that I realized they will do nothing that is not going to confirm what they already want to hear, right? Hypothetical situation, but very plausible in the askhole realm. A friend comes to you wanting advice because her boyfriend cheated on her. He promises her he will never do it again and it was just a moment of weakness while the couple was going through a rough patch. You tell your friend Hey, a leopard does not change his spots. If he cheated on you once, he will do it again. And didn't he cheat on you with his last girlfriend?. That is how you guys ended up together. I think the best thing to do is break up with him. She looks at you with alligator tears in her eyes, and with all sincerity, she says yes, you're right. I'm going to break up with him tomorrow. You call her the next day because you are sure she is brokenhearted and sulking. Oh, no, she's not sulking. She is jubilant because he asked her to marry him, and she said yes. You gave your time and advice to someone who had no intention of doing what you recommended. She wanted to be in this relationship with the community dude. You know what I mean when I say that? No matter what he did to hurt her. We have to stop giving our energy and time to people who already know what they're going to do in a situation before they even ask us. 02:33 The second reason I'm no longer giving an audience to askholes is because not everyone has the courage to do hard things. Let's think through the scenario I posed about the girl marrying this Casanova. This is the prime setup for delayed heartache and disappointment. If a person has the courage to just deal with being down and taking the steps to get over a breakup, further heartache down the road can be avoided. I am definitely speaking from experience here. When I was involved with he who shall not be named, we split up several times. I had a friend who advised me to just have the courage to be done with it once and for all. I believe her exact words were when you get a belly full, you will stop. You better believe she was right. Was it hard when I made the decision to finally depart the Codependency Crazy Express? Yes. But my mental state stabilized as I worked through the pain. 03:28 The most compelling reason I am no longer giving askholes my time is because they subtly use you as a friend, and take you for granted. There's a pattern I recognized regarding the askholes in my life. I never hear from them when times are good. They don't talk to me about any positive news. The askholes breeze into my day, take an emotional dump and then leave. I will not hear from them again until the next crisis comes up that they want to ask me for advice for that they have no intention of taking. Let me repeat . The people already know what they are going to do. If your advice is different than what they...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/deeplifequotes/16559165357/in/photostream (Appreciate what you have and who you have, because the future can take it all away from you anytime.) -Unknown Tonight I am sharing the reasons I decided to back off from pursuing information about my biological father and his family. Tonight's episode is sponsored by PODGO.CO. 00:08 Hello and welcome to my humble podcast abode y'all. It is Cocoa Griot that 50 something who revels in talking to you guys about life love and a bevy of other topics. Many of you know that in September, I had a bomb dropped on me in terms of finding out that I was not my birth certificate father's biological child. Once I recovered from the initial shock, I wanted to find out everything I could about my new family. In the short time that I've had this knowledge, the ups and downs have been overwhelming. I've been hopeful and made progress in some areas, but mostly, I've just gotten a lot of disappointment and hurt. So, I decided that the only person who can remove me from this emotional roller coaster is me. It will take some steps to do that. This epiphany occurred to me when I was watching my neighbor interact with his daughter. I started thinking about all the good times I had with my dad, like going to the park with him or him reading to me at night. I know I was lucky. 01:13 The first step that I'm taking to get off the emotional roller coaster is no longer reaching out to people and asking questions. I feel like I'm supposed to remain a secret and that is what people would prefer. This is disturbing because it is essentially blaming a child for the actions of the parents. The next step I'm going to take is to stop pouring over records about the family. I have a book I've been reading, combing My Heritage,.com Ancestry.com, and Familysearch.org to find out information. I'm going to stop these activities because they make me feel even more disconnected. I never met these people and from what I can tell by the reception I'm getting, they probably wouldn't have wanted to meet me either. I am blessed. I grew up in a loving home and that's not something many people can say these days. Part of me just longed to know about the person who was my biological father. From what I can tell from other people with a similar experience, it's quite a natural desire. I'm also finding out that most people are really not open when it comes to revealing family secrets. So, before I talk about the last step in getting up the emotional roller coaster of this DNA discovery, let me share tonight's sponsor with you. 02:36 Tonight's podcast is presented by PODGO. PODGO is the easiest way for you to monetize your podcast. Providing podcasts is with a flat rate for ad space, so you always know what you're getting when you include an ad from PODGO. Apply today to become a member and immediately be connected with advertisers that fit your audience. PODGO that's P O D G O dot C O and make sure to add my podcast Cocoa Griot in the How did you hear about PODGO section of the application. 03:14 The third thing that I'm doing to get myself off the emotional roller coaster is focusing on the family I do know. I can honestly say that since I found out about the circumstances of my birth., I've not been as attentive to my siblings as I normally would be. I got caught up and wanted to meet new people instead of appreciating the people that are already in my life that love me. I know that everyone's journey is different when they find out something that turns their whole world around for them. But I've decided to make my journey a positive path and focus on the place that I've received love for years, my family! There's something I used to always tell my friends when they were complaining about people not responding to them the way they wanted them to. I always ask them," Why are you going to McDonald's and ordering for filet mignon? They say" Well, that's ridiculous." I know they don't serve...
Most of us have encountered situations that challenged us to overcome incredible odds. Amanda America Dickson Toomer's story is riveting and I am sharing it with you tonight! Are you a podcaster looking for potential sponsors? Check out PODGO.CO. 00:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, that resident fifty-something who's here to share with you ideas about life love, and a host of other topics. Tonight I want to travel back in time a little and talk about a story that is really fascinating. I don't know about you, but I've had times when the odds were stacked against me, and I felt hopeless in some situations. I feel a little ashamed right now admitting that because I've never had odds stacked against me, like the woman I'm going to talk to you guys about tonight. Can you imagine being forced to deal with a 79 to one situation, but still fighting the battle anyway? This is the story of Amanda American Dickson Toomer. This is one of those stories from history that makes me believe in the power of right. 1:03 Amanda America Dickson was born in November of 1849. Her 40-year-old father was known as the prince of southern farmers. David Dickson was one of the wealthiest planters in Hancock County, Georgia. Amanda's father owned her mother, David impregnated Julia Francis Lewis Dickson when she was just 12 years old, Julia gave birth to Amanda at the age of 13. Amanda's time with her mother was very short because of David's plans for his only child. When Amanda was fully weaned, David took her into his home with every intention of affording his daughter privileges her mother would never have. The primary female influence in Amanda's life was her grandmother, Elizabeth Sholars Dickson. Even though Amanda's father and grandmother loved her dearly by all accounts, they could not emancipate the child based on Georgia laws. 2:02 Reading, writing and piano lessons were part of Amanda's daily life as a child. She spent hours on end in the company of her doting grandmother, Elizabeth. Amanda wore fine clothing, received lessons in social graces, and was referred to as Miss Mandy by everyone on the Dickson plantation. It is mind-blowing to fathom that Julia was her daughter's house servant. Added duties for Julia involved her continuing a "relationship" with David. David married 25- year old Clara Harris when he was 61, but he still carried on his "involvement" with Julia. Some accounts say that Amanda, being prepared to enter white society was frowned upon by many Hancock County residents. The Dicksons just ignored the scandalous talks around the family's decisions regarding Amanda's upbringing and Amanda lived a pretty charmed life until a father died. Well, Amanda declared herself an orphan. Now, this is amazing to me because she clung to her father's lifeless body on February 18, 1885. And it's stunning to think that she was 44 years old at the time, and she declared herself an orphan. Despite the fact, her mother Julia was very much alive, but Amanda's mind was whitewashed. 03:28 David's relatives set out to remind her of her place. David's immediate family assumed they would inherit his vast fortune, but they were wrong. Clara Dickson preceded her husband in death. David Dickson left around $30,000 for his surviving relatives. Amanda received more, much more! More than 15,000 acres in Hancock and Washington counties, 13,000 acres in Texas railroad stock, and rights to the seeds and compound formulas that he used to increase agricultural yields. But before I tell you about the battle royale that happened over all of this wealth let me go ahead and take a moment to recognize tonight's sponsor. 4:26 Tonight's podcast is presented by PODGO.CO PODGO.CO is the easiest way for you to monetize your podcast providing podcasters with a flat rate for airspace so you always know how much you get when you include an ad from PODGO.CO. Apply today to become a member and immediately be connected...
It took me a long time, but I grew out of sucking my thumb. There are remnants from my childhood I have not been able to let go of and I wonder if I ever will. PODGO.CO is tonight's amazing sponsor! 00:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who is sitting here supercharged and ready to go to share some thoughts with you about life, love, and a plethora of other topics. When I was in deep in thought the other day, well I usually a notion came to me. I realized that I'm sitting here 55 years old, and I still have some of the same fears as when I was a child. I know that sounds really out there, but bear with me. So tonight's topic is why am I still dealing with three of my childhood fears? 1:02 One of the main fears I had, when I was a little girl, was going outside of the lines. Whenever I had a coloring page, I was meticulous about making sure that I took a crayon and lined the edges of the picture, because that was my personal boundary. I don't know what I thought was gonna happen if I crossed over that line, but it must have been something disastrous for sure. It was all about the opinions of adults who would see my work. Today, the lines represent the same fear of not being accepted because I might cross a boundary. I very much care about how I'm perceived by others in my work and my personal life as well. Just being honest with myself. This strikes me as really surprising that I have held on to this same fear for over 50 years. If you have suggestions about how to cross the lines without fear, please let me know. 2:04 When I was a little girl. We went to Six Flags, I wandered away from my family. I was just talking to people and trying to hide the fact that I really didn't know where I was, and that I couldn't find my family members. I was terrified. I stopped to talk to a lady who was selling paper flowers, and she asked me where my parents where. I told her they were lost. The lady got someone from the park to reconnect me to my parents. The entire time I was full of fear, but. I thought about what Mr. Rogers always said, look for the helpers. One of my greatest fears today is losing those I love. I carry this with me, especially after I have lost so many close loved ones. I truly believe the way to overcome this fear is to accept the fact that life does have a stopping point. It's important to pack all the love we can into the time we have with our loved ones. But we cannot stop what is inevitable. My mom used to constantly preface advice with well when I'm not here, I want you to do thus and so, what whatever right. You know I think the problem was I listened but I never wanted to imagine life without her. Now though, I think about many of those pieces of advice she gave me, and I'm glad she had the courage to discuss what I needed to do when she was no longer here. This helps me. If you are fortunate enough to still have your parents, please treasure them. Before I talk about the last fear that I am still harboring, let me go ahead and talk to you about tonight's sponsor. I gotta pay the podcast bills. 3:37 So tonight's podcast is presented by PODGO. PODGOis the easiest way for you to monetize your podcasts providing podcasters with a flat rate for ad space so you always know how much you get when you include an ad from PODGO. Apply today to become a member and immediately be connected with advertisers that fit your audience. That's PODGO. Co P O D, G O. CO. Be sure to mention to add my podcast Cocoa Griot in the how did you hear about PoDGO section of your application. 4:11 Let's go ahead and talk about the last fear that I still have. This kind of connects to the first one I mentioned, but I'm going to go into it on a little deeper level. So the last fear I still have is not being understood by others. I have been different my entire life. When I was a little girl we lived next door to a college English professor. Instead of playing with...
The trauma of sexual assault is devastating. There is no transcript for this episode. Db- https://bit.ly/37cP8YP
The way we frame questions can lead to solution-oriented responses. Tonight's episode Is sponsored by Db! Get 10% off your next purchase! https://bit.ly/37cP8YP 00:03 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Coco green, just that they do something who is seriously delighted that it's Wednesday and the fact that I get to talk to you guys about life, love, and a bevy of other topics. One of my favorite songs by Anita Baker is called Talk to Me. Even though I love the song, I think the lyric that repeats in the song saying what's wrong, what's wrong with you, is a little off the mark when it comes to supporting others doing emotionally charged times. There's a better question that can be asked. Tonight I'm going to share three examples of the power of the right question. 00:40 It is almost a pre-programmed reaction when we see someone crying or someone down to say what's wrong, I get it. We are in a hurry to get to the heart of the matter with the thought that we can maybe help this person feel better, or ease their suffering in some way. I would submit to you that what's wrong, is a deficit-based way of getting into this situation. I think there's another doorway that is much more positive and powerful. When someone is struggling or having a hard time, these simple words can make all the difference in the world. The question that I suggest you try is, how can I support you? How can I support you opens the door to working on a solution instead of focusing on the problem. It makes the individual think about what do I need in the situation to help me elevate from my current mode. Once that person is able to articulate what it is they need from you, you can begin putting something together to help them with that need. 1:35 Working with children can be rewarding, but also challenging. Often you may see striking out or withdrawal when a child is trying to say, "Hey, I'm hurting and I need you, but it really does not come off that is not the issue, because of the big emotions that are on display at the time. I had a situation where I was working with a child who had an enormous outburst. When I say the child had an emotional outburst. I mean, they had an emotional outburst times 10! People were struggling to reach this kiddo, you know, everybody was saying, "Oh, what's wrong, what can I do?" You know the child looked up at them like, okay, let me turn it up a notch so they really get that I'm having a problem. I looked at the child and I said, "Hey, how can I support you right now? The child looked at me with a look that said that nobody's ever asked me that. What this child was feeling was a huge sense of being overwhelmed by an environment, they found overly stimulating. Then they said to me, "Hey, I need to go outside and I need to be somewhere quiet." The whole situation de-escalated. You know, sometimes we just need to change the way we frame our support in order for that support to be valid to the person we're reaching out to. 2:50 Now, this is not a strategy that I just used with young children. I was working with middle school students and a young lady was as difficult as difficult could be. Day in and day out, she would challenge the adults who were just simply doing their best to impart knowledge to her. She would have none of it! Even though I have strong classroom relationship-building skills, this young lady was testing me, along with her other teachers. One day, I told her, Hey, I just want to talk. she thought I was going to write a discipline reform for her, even though I had not written a single one the entire semester for anybody else. She put her head down on the desk as if she was not going to listen to anything I had to say. I shared my thoughts about why I thought she was presenting the challenging behavior. Then I asked her, "How can I support you?" She lifted her head slowly, and a flood of tears rained down from her big brown eyes. This young lady opened up to me and shared...
DNA neither cares nor knows. DNA just is. And we dance to its music.- Richard Dawkins Hello Fresh- https://hellofresh-ca.o5kg.net/c/2544961/791027/7893 00:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just to 50- something who delights in talking to you about life, love, and a host of other topics. Recently I shared episodes about the DNA revelation I experienced. I have very mixed feelings about the situation and I have thousands of questions. It turns out that other people had questions for me as well. I chose three to focus on tonight, and I ranked them in order from least to greatest, in terms of the number of times I've been asked these questions. 00:35 The first question I want to talk about is what would I say to my biological father if I could have had the opportunity to meet him? I did not have the chance of course, but if I did the question I would ask him would be, did you know about me? If he acknowledged the fact that he knew about me, my next question would be why didn't I know about you? This is something I have to come to terms with that I will never know the answer to. People I reached out to tell me they had no idea about the situation. My mom's cousin knew that I was not my dad's, but she didn't know who my biological father was. She just knew it was someone other than the dad who raised me. She said my mom never told her. I know the situation was very complicated. I don't have any bad feelings on my part towards my biological father. I just wonder about how many traits I have that I got from him. 01:28 The next question I get, so this would be counting down from three to one right. The next question is did I tell my siblings or what did I tell my siblings? You know I struggled to talk to my brother and sister about the situation at first. I felt like I had to walk a fine line because this involves our mother, who we all loved and respected. I did not want the situation to seem like I was casting our mom in a negative light. I also didn't want to perpetuate the legacy of lies that had gone on for 55 years. In the end, I decided it was more important for them to know the truth, and they didn't surprise me with their reaction. They were both supportive and encouraged me. I actually cannot ask for a better response than what I received from my siblings. So the number one question that I've gotten since my DNA revelation, will have to wait because I got to pay the bills for this podcast. 02:18 Tonight's episode is brought to you by HelloFresh. HelloFresh, do you feel like you're stuck in a dinner rut? With HelloFresh you get fresh pre-measured ingredients with mouthwatering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door. Skip all those trips to the grocery store, and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking, easy, fun, and affordable. You can now enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in 30 minutes or less. With over 25 recipes to choose from each week, there is something for everyone to enjoy. Our recipes are designed and tested by professional chefs and nutritional experts to ensure deliciousness and simplicity. The one-pot Mexicali black bean soup is a fiesta for your mouth!!! Go to the link in my show notes to get $80 off, including free shipping on HelloFresh, the number one meal kit. 03:08 Now to that number one question I get. The number one question I receive since my DNA revelation is are you angry with your mother? My answer to that is a resounding no! My parents were separated for a while, prior to me coming into the world. My guess is that during that time, my biological father, my mother met, and the rest was history. My mother was 26 years old when she got pregnant with me. There's an endless list of mistakes I made when I was in my 20s I don't have the right to judge her or anyone else. I'm working hard to do my best to understand what she went through during this time and I'm not mad at her. If anything, I'm just disappointed that when I became an
The only thing constant in life is change. - Heraclitus 0:04 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who is amped to talk to you dear listeners about life, love, and a hodgepodge of other topics. When you go through your entire life feeling like you are a genetic fluke, it undermines your self-esteem in ways that are hard to describe. I never wanted to take pictures with my family, because it was always a reminder of how I didn't look like my siblings. I didn't like to hear people constantly say that my siblings looked exactly like our dad, and then there was me. This weighs on a child when people are constantly mentioning the fact the child doesn't look like everyone else. So here I am 55 years old before I find out exactly who I'm supposed to be. From this day forward, I live my life, knowing that I wasn't some kind of random, genetic fluke, I look like someone. I look like my biological father. 1:02 Tonight I want to talk about the NPE survival strategy, I've been working on since I talked with you guys last. NPE stands for not parent expected. If you listened to my episode last week: Mama's baby Daddy's maybe. I'm not who I thought I was, you know that Ancestry.com shared a truth with me that my family hid for years. My NPE survival strategy. The truth set me free, but it made me miserable too. The first component of my NPE survival strategy is the family that I have known and loved for years, and my friends. People that I shared this information with really stepped up and let me know they are here for me. My aunt's reiterated that there's nothing different about how they see me, even though this newfound information was shocking. They reminded me that I grew up loved and nothing is different about that. I was grateful for the outpouring of love and avenues that are researched as part of my survival strategy was to join groups of people like myself. These groups helped me immensely. The groups are Togetherness Heals- NPE Only, DNA Surprises Support Group, and NPE Only: After the Discover. The caring people in these groups embraced me and let me know I'm not alone. Several people have walked this journey that I know that I have a sense of connection and community that is indescribably valuable. I even learned about facial recognition DNA testing from someone in the group. So I decided to compare my face with my biological father's face. Let me tell you about the results I received. I have to pay the bills for this podcast. 2:55 Tonight's episode is sponsored by PODGO. PODGO is the easiest way for you to monetize your podcast, providing podcasters with a flat rate for ad space, so you always know how much you get when you include an ad from PODGO. Apply today to become a member and immediately be connected with advertisers that fit your audience. That's PODGO -P-O-D-G-O , and be sure to add Cocoa Griot podcast in the how did you hear about that code section of the application. 3:31 Okay, I know it wasn't cool for me to leave you guys hanging like that. Let's talk about how facial DNA works, then I'll tell you about my results. The simple explanation is that the face of one person is scanned, and the traits from that face are compared to another person's traits. In this case, I had my biological father's face scanned and compared it to my face. The DNA site says that anything over 50% indicates a relative. My match that this man was 77%. I chuckle when I think about how a good friend said, "You wasted your money on that because anyone looking at the two pictures could see you look just like this man". I've heard good and bad stories about how families treat a newfound family member. I want to say this. Children are the innocent ones in situations such as mine. Villainizing a child, just because they are seeking information is immature and unfair. I accept the fact that the truth makes you uncomfortable, but I won't stop telling the truth, to make you...
You can go your whole life believing something is true and all of that can change in an instant. Tonight's show is brought to you by DB. https://bit.ly/37cP8YP 0:07 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50- something for geeks out when she has the opportunity to talk to you guys about life, love, and a myriad of other topics. Tonight, I'm bringing you guys a newsflash that had me baffled the entire weekend. I don't know how many of you watched the show So Who Do You Think You Are? I always felt that show we've had a comical title, until I was presented with information that made me question who I am. Last week I talked about what a great father I had, and then a few days later I discovered how much more I needed to celebrate him. An encounter on Ancestry.com helped me to discover that my father was not my biological dad. I know what you're thinking right now, how in the world can you be in your 50s and not know who your bio dad is? Well, let me tell you how that happens. Families and secrets just seem to go hand in hand. When I was approached by someone who was related to my bio dad, I was shocked, but not surprised. All my life, I knew I looked different from my siblings. I was given numerous explanations as to why, but I was never told the reason. People can say a lot of things about Ancestry.com, but I have one thing to say. Thank you! Ancestry.com was the gateway to the fact of me knowing that I'm not who I thought I was. I know I am not the only person who discovered they were not who they that they were. There's a whole group dedicated to a parent not expected, and people getting results that they just could not even fathom existed. There are countless stories like this on the internet, but tonight I'm sharing about the one that is up close and personal. My story is developing, as I learn more and more about the details about how I came to be. Well, I'm going to break it down to you in phases here. 2:22 So, for Christmas I received an Ancestry.com cute for my son Cameron. I didn't know that a simple gift would be the gateway to truth and dismantle a lifetime of lies. I was beyond excited to get my test results. I liked the section that showed my African roots because it was intriguing. When I started looking at my DNA matches, I was very confused. My sister came up, but we didn't share enough DNA to be whole sisters. My whole entire life I was told that we had the same mother and father. I started looking for other relatives on my dad's side of the family that I knew had taken the Ancestry test, but none of them were my DNA matches. There was a fly in the buttermilk, as the old country folk used to say, I just didn't know exactly which fly had landed in the buttermilk. Fast forward a little and I started thinking about the people I didn't recognize as my DNA matches. I felt like they had to be the key to unraveling the mystery of my parentage. Luckily for me, someone who took the test reached out and saw that we had a connection. I was her highest ranking first cousin and she was mine. We started talking about how we might be connected. She laid something in my lap that I was not prepared for. But I know it's true. Her uncle is my biological father. I had so many questions, but one of the first things I wanted to see was this picture. When she sent it to me, tears streamed down my cheeks because I saw all of me in him. Then, uh, well before I go on to the next segment of this story, I want to talk about tonight's sponsor. 4:11 Tonight's episode is brought to you by DB, DB is a Scandinavian brand that makes backpacks and bags to help people on the move, stay ready for anything from the streets to the peaks, DB's gear is traveled tested by some of the world's best athletes adventures and creators. Over the past decade, DB has designed and developed released, and refined the best bags on the market. With DB's patented hookup system, you are able to attach smaller products
It is really easy to get bogged down in time when we think about how long someone is in our lives. It might be a better strategy to just appreciate the value of the people we have in our lives. You can leave me a message and let me know how you related to tonight's show by calling (512) 710-6341. Get an amazing Chef's Knife from Misen at a great price. https://bit.ly/3mWH8UT-Misen (https://bit.ly/3mWH8UT-Misen) 0:05 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something, who loves sharing ideas about life, love, and an abundance of other topics. Recently I was chatting with one of my neighbors and he mentioned to me that his brother passed away. I immediately launched a series of phrases like I'm so sorry for your loss. He stopped me in the middle of my commentary to let me know it wasn't about the time his brother was here. It wasn't about the value. That hit me really hard because what he was saying was right. I'm always deeply saddened when someone I consider as young passes away, and his brother was only in his mid-50s. From my neighbor's demeanor, I could tell his brother must have lived a full life. The time he spent on this earth was not as important as the value of the time he had here. I can relate to this train of thought on many levels. Tonight I'm going to share three examples from my life that I can honestly say the value outweighed the length of time. The first situation I want to talk about is with my grandmother. 1:13 My grandmother Ethel Meeks, was truly an angel on Earth. When I was a little girl, my favorite place was in my grandmother's kitchen. She always smelled like vanilla, and she was an excellent Baker. I was so fortunate to have my grandmother in my life until I was 26 years old. I will never forget the week before she passed away. I put my little one in the car with every intention of going to the grocery store, but I didn't make it, I headed to my grandma's place. You might not think this not anything special, but it was 70 miles away from my house. I talked with her for hours about all of the fond memories I had with her. I don't know what made me drive to her house that day, but I was so glad I did. When I received the call a week later that she had passed away, I thought about the value my grandmother added to my life. Whenever I'm super stressed, I always smell vanilla and it calms me down. I didn't have her in my life as long as I wanted, but I'm so thankful I had such an amazing grandma. 2:16 I have talked a lot about the women who made me the woman I am today, but I need to acknowledge that my dad was a major influence in my life as well. I remember my dad reading to me at night and me telling him what the words said, even though I could not read. by letting me tell him what was happening based on the pictures, he helped me to build a sense of confidence in myself. He didn't tell me I was wrong. He just reminded me that the words said something different. That also was part of what fostered my love and desire to read. My dad had no problems taking me shopping for girl's stuff when my mom was working. I remember one day we were in the store, and he ran into some guys he worked with. They were teasing him about holding merchandise that was for female cause, you know what I mean. My dad took it all in stride and said hey this is for my baby. I had the biggest smile because at that moment I knew I had the best dad in the world. My dad comforted me when I lost my husband later in life because he knew what it was like to lose a spouse. I could talk to my dad about anything in the world, and I miss my talks with him immensely. I was only 35 when my dad died. Again, I did not have him in my life as long as I wanted, but he added incredible value while he was there. 3:32 Before I move on to talk about the last situation where value was more important than time, I want to introduce tonight's sponsor. Tonight's episode is presented by Misen....
The White Tiger is a prolific film chocked full of social commentary. Please check out Db for your luggage needs! https://bit.ly/37cP8YP (https://bit.ly/37cP8YP) 00:06 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Coco Griot, just a fifty-something who finds pleasure in talking about life, love, and a bevy of other topics. This show is a little different for me because I'm actually going to share something from a movie/book, and these are basically quotes that impacted me. I'm doing this because I feel like this movie was super prolific and impacted me in ways that are difficult to describe. When my brother mentioned that I should see the film The White Tiger, I put it off for a little bit because I just really didn't know what the film had to offer. I sincerely hate that I did that. This movie which is adapted from a book of the same name is riveting The inequities between rich and poor are highlighted on the screen in ways that are difficult to digest. I have some quotes from the book that I'm going to share with you tonight that I feel were incredibly impactful. 1:06 The first quote, I'm going to share with you is the dream of the rich and the dreams of the poor, they never overlap, do they? See the poor dream all their lives of having enough food to eat, and looking like the rich. And what do the rich dream of? Losing weight and looking like the poor. I relate this to something my mom used to always say about how we are never satisfied in life, we can always find things that are unpleasant about our lives, even though we can be incredibly blessed. Now I'm not diminishing the plight of the poor in any way. I'm speaking to the people who have resources and are never satisfied with what they have, Unfortunately, we live in a nation that attacks the poor at every return. There seems to be this notion that poverty is a crime. You can look at decisions made in my local area regarding banning people who are experiencing homelessness, from camping. It was an unpleasant reminder for the people who could do something about it. They didn't want to see people living out in the open, it is a constant reminder of societal failures. 2:14 Another quote from the movie that was striking to me is the story of a poor man's life is written on his body in a sharp pen. The images of people who are malnourished and do not have adequate health care are painful to see. This is the reality that exists in this country. We don't have to look at another continent to see suffering, and people who are experiencing starvation. There are areas in America where people live in abject poverty. Some of the major areas that come to mind are cities in my state, that you might think of as concentrations of fabulous wealth like Houston or Dallas. 19.7% of people in Houston live below the poverty level, 17.5% of people in Dallas, live below the poverty level. Dallas has the most billionaires of any city in Texas. There are 18 in all. Texas has 56 billionaires, I really gained an awareness of how much money that is when I learned about how long it would take to count to 1 billion compared to counting to 1 million. At the rate of one number per second, it would take about 11 days to count to 1 million. On the other hand, counting to a billion could take anywhere from 32 to 60 years. Why is anyone starving in this country when there's so much? Well, the inequity is heartbreaking to witness. Before I move on to the last quote, I want to highlight from the light white tiger, I'm going to share information about tonight's sponsor. 3:48 Tonight's episode is brought to you by Db. Db is a Scandinavian brand that makes backpacks and bags to help people on the move stay ready for anything. From the streets to the peaks, Db's gear is traveled tested by some of the world's best athletes, adventurers, and creators. Over the past decade, Db has designed to develop released, and refined the best bags on the market. With Db's patented hook-up system,...
We live in a society preoccupied with looking good. What is the price of looking good? In this episode, I discuss the phenomenon of Fast Fashion and why it should be avoided. Hello Fresh! https://hellofresh-ca.o5kg.net/c/2544961/791027/7893 Code: HFAFF80 0:08 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, a 50 something who is super amped to talk to you about life, love, and a smattering of other topics. I don't consider myself a fashionista, but I do love clothes. I like to wear nice things that are reasonably priced. I am not the girl who will have a $1,000 handbag or $800 shoes. I am not knocking anyone if that is your jam, but it's just not me. This evening, though I'm not really focusing on the high-dollar retail sector. I want to talk about the phenomenon of fast fashion. It is all around us, and there are some brands that have skyrocketed in sales in the last few years because of YouTube and Instagram influencers promoting their products. I am not going to single out any one brand or influencer, for that matter. I want to talk about this phenomenon as a whole, and how it impacts people and our planet. 1:11 You scroll through a website, and you cannot believe there's an ad for a tie-dye shirt that is $1.99, but it never enters your mind about how a whole article of clothing that had to be assembled could be so cheap. You are focused on what number of these $1 and the 99 cent gems you can add to your wardrobe. That is the allure of Fast Fashion, but your blessing is someone else's curse. Fast Fashion is all the rage right now and for good reason. Great looking clothes and affordable prices are an awesome combination. I'm always looking for great deals on great clothes. The problem is a lot of Fast Fashion is a great deal, but the clothes don't last. People will wear a garment a few times get, bored with it, or just does not hold up to laundering. Then in the trash, it goes. It is estimated that globally we throw away 13 million tons of textile waste each year. One person alone throws about 70 pounds away. The sad part is that about 95% of what we throw away could be recycled. We have doubled the number of clothes we throw away in the last 20 years. You know many of us have a cotton shirt. It is a wardrobe staple for me. What I didn't know is that it takes about 2,700 liters of water to make one cotton shirt. So, when textile waste is up in landfills, it can take up to 200 years for textiles to decompose. Environmental concerns are not my only issue. Fast Fashion's toll on people can be frightening as well. In some areas of the world, women are not able to escape poverty because they're being exploited by major fashion brands that want to keep production costs low. Women are not paid a living wage and toiling for hours on end doesn't make ends meet. The lack of rights of garment workers is despicable. In one instance, factory workers in India requested clean water in a letter sent to management. These workers were beaten and had their clothes torn. This sent the message," You have no right to ask for your rights." 3:35 I don't know if you guys remember the 2013 tragedy of the Rana Plaza building workers pleaded with bosses to not have to enter the building because the danger was visible, huge cracks were a hint the building was not structurally sound, hundreds of lives were lost in necessity tragically senseless tragedy fueled by greed. 3:56 Before going further, please let me share tonight's exciting sponsor with you. Tonight's episode is brought to you by Hello Fresh. Do you feel like you are stuck in a dinner rut with Hello Fresh you get fresh pre-measured ingredients with mouth-watering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door? Skip all those trips to the grocery store, and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking, easy, fun, and affordable. You can now enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in 30 minutes or less. With over 25 recipes to choose from, each week,...
I am 100% honest when I say I suck at dating. Please check out this episode where I explain how bad I am at navigating the dating experience. Tonight's sponsor is DB! Get 10% off your next purchase by visiting this https://bit.ly/37cP8YP (link). 0:09 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who cherishes her time with you to discuss life, love, and a bevy of other topics. In January of this year, I made a declaration that this will be my great year of love. I asked people for advice on how did they date during the pandemic? Well, let me give you guys a status update. It is August and I have failed miserably so far. Tonight, I want to pose the question, Does anyone else suck at dating, or it's just me? In all honesty, I suck at dating for three major reasons. Number one, I've not had that much experience with dating. Number two, I cannot wrap my head around the concept of modern dating. And number three, I'm just not organized enough to create a man planner. Let me share a little background info with you guysMy late husband James and I knew each other five months before we started dating, and then after three months, we got married. The only thing I dated in high school was the ologies, you know, biology, psychology, stuff like that. I had a crush on someone, but they were way too popular for me to ever let them know I like them. I just suffered in silence for four years of high school, college was a different story. I was at the ripe old age of 21 so, it was time for courting as my Grandma called it. I've developed the mindset of when you get involved with someone you date them exclusively. The dating gurus are consulted told me, this is all wrong! You meet and you date a few people at the same time. When you figure out, you really like someone, then you can zero in on that one person. I don't understand this at all. I thought men's egos would not take kindly to such a thing. Then all the what-if scenarios started playing out in my head. What if I like a guy, but he's doing the same thing that I'm doing. He's number one on my list but I'm number five on his list. This is incredibly complex and confusing if you ask me. 2:19 Now onto this concept of modern dating. The dating gurus said I am limiting myself by just looking at men within five years of my age range. I was thinking I wanted someone who could relate to the music I listened to or the movies I like to watch. Apparently, I am way too short-sighted. I should be willing to go as much as 15 years in either direction of my age. 15 years? I feel like on the younger end I'm changing Pampers. At the older end, I'm changing Depends. My silly old desire to meet someone local is out of style as well. They say I should be open to finding love in different states, or even different continents. Well, my response to that was I am not willing to be involved with someone, but still be alone on a daily basis. What's the point? To add insult to injury, I had the nerve to say, I would like to date someone who's gainfully employed because I work. The gurus said I might meet the perfect person who just might be between jobs. I should not be so rigid when it comes to finances. Well since I cannot pay between rent, between car notes, or eat between groceries, I have to leave the men who are between jobs alone. 3:38 Before I share the last reason I suck at dating with you, I want to share a word from tonight's sponsor Db. Db is a Scandinavian brand that makes backpacks and bags to help people on the move stay ready for anything. From the streets to the peaks, Db's gear is travel tested by some of the world's best athletes, adventures and creators. Well, over the past decade Db has designed and developed released, and refined the best bags on the market. With Db's patented hookup system, you are able to attach smaller products to your backpack, roll up, or tote. I'm going to share an experience with you, this is embarrassing, but I...
We are living in incredibly stressful times. I recently watched a documentary called Heal. I am in awe of the power of the mind-body connection. Hello Fresh link for $80 off- https://bit.ly/37cP8YP- (https://bit.ly/37cP8YP-) 00:10 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a fifty-something who cherishes the opportunity to share info about life, love, and a bundle of other topics. I watched a documentary recently called Heal. It explored the power of our mind's influence on our bodies. It was astonishing to watch the stories of people who used their minds to heal their bodies. After the program ended, I thought about the word HEAL as an acronym for change in life- health, empowerment, acceptance, and love. I'm not trying to proselytize anyone in terms of health and wellness. I made changes this year, and I'm so glad I did. There are many factors that encouraged me to really embrace getting and staying healthy. 00:58 Did you guys know I used to own my own gym? I used to work out several times a day, and then life happened. I got to the point that if any of my former gym members saw me, I would hide. I decided that is no way to live. I had to take accountability for my poor choices and not loving or honoring myself enough to take care of myself. I really got frustrated when my butt had his own zip code. I mean somebody actually wanted to put a post office on my left cheek. So every day, well, Monday through Friday, I'm up at the crack of dawn and walking. This time does not just help my body physically, it's a great time to be out in nature and ease my mind. Walking has many incredible benefits. I just want to share a few under this category of health. Walking serves as a mood enhancer, lowers blood sugar, and strengthens your heart. See in my family, we lost the genetic lottery when it comes to cardiac stuff. So walking is a way that I try to help balance out the negative impact of my genes. It doesn't take a huge commitment to make a difference, just walking 15 minutes a day is better than sitting that same amount of time. Teaming up with a loved one or friend can help with the accountability piece. If you both agree to specific times to walk it is easier to stay on track than if you're just making yourself do it every day. Also, they're often walking clubs in cities, but if there isn't one in your area, how about establishing one? That's a little bit about health, let's transition to empowerment. 2:38 Empowering is one of my favorite all-time words, just the sound of the word generates a positive vibe that really resonates with me. One of the first things I do to empower myself is to surround myself with positive people. There's no underestimating the value of having people in your life that exude joy and positivity. I definitely interact with positive people when my self-esteem has taken a hit. These people always pour something healing into my cup, and I definitely feel better after our interactions. Another way that I empower myself, is with my computer passwords. My passwords are all sentences that are uplifting messages to me. Every time I type one of these passwords, I smile because it reminds me of my own value and worth. In line with the theme of health, practicing self-care is a way to empower yourself. I agree with the person who says self-care is not selfish. When you take the time to make sure that you are good in every way, that is empowering. I also believe it's important to be engaged in work that you love. If you have to show up for work five days a week or however many you go, it's good to have a job you truly enjoy and work that you love doing. For me, that has been a blessing in my life to have a job that feeds my spirit and lets me know that I am doing something to help others. That is incredibly empowering, while we're on this topic of self-care, I want to introduce tonight's exciting sponsor to you. 4:21 Tonight's episode is brought to you by HelloFresh....
I am a time traveler in my own mind. I can get bogged down in the details of my past or jet to the future mentally at a moment's notice. Tonight I am sharing my thoughts about what I find valuable about each time period, and ways that I strive to stay connected to the present. Tonight's show is sponsored by Db! Get 10% off their amazing line of backpacks and bags by clicking this https://track.webgains.com/click.html?wgcampaignid=1540545&wgprogramid=280805 (link)! What time period do you dwell in the most? Take this quiz for fun to https://www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/personality/quizshow.php?title=3dq-mjmymtyxoq2cwn&q=1 (see). An incredible episode of Impact Theory featuring Jay Williams is reachable by clicking this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbFQ_GCdwgk (link.) 00: 12 Welcome to my humble podcast abode. Just a fifty-something who sparkles and glistens when she gets to talk to you guys about life, love, and a hodgepodge of other topics. Carpe diem, seize the day! Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. There are so many sayings I've heard over the years, to remind me about living in the present moment. I appreciate these reminders, but I often modulate between my past my present and my future. It struck me that it's really important to acknowledge my past, plan for my future, but try my best to stay grounded in the present. Tonight, I want to talk to you about the importance of these three different phases of life. One of my favorite sayings is, your rearview mirror is smaller than your windshield because it's more important to see where you're going than where you've been. 1:09 I have to think of my past as a teacher that I have a love and hate relationship with elements of my past that enrich my life in a number of ways. I would be lying if I didn't say there were parts of my life that I cringe when I think about them. Let me share a couple of examples with you guys. A humorous example of acknowledging my past and learning a lesson was the day I casually strolled through the mall with my dress tucked in the back of my underwear. Yes, I gave total strangers an accidental peep show. I learned a lesson that day, stop wearing pantyhose. No seriously, it was just about always checking myself whenever I'm going out into a huge public space. Another example that comes to mind is I always struggle with the dead horse syndrome. A job that when it's time to leave, when its time to let go, or a friendship that the expiration date has passed by several years have been difficult transitions for me. I always look for ways to resuscitate the situation. I try to focus on the good elements I want to hold on to. All the while, I am there, I am slowly poisoning myself. This is one of the great lessons of my past. Recognize when it is time to separate part 1, and part 2, complete the action. Knowing when something is over and actually ending it can be two different things. I am actually embarrassed to calculate the number of years I spent in dead-end jobs, relationships and friendships. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is to free them up to find their future! 2:56 Now let's roll into planning for the future. I see this in terms of setting goals and planning the execution of those goals. Many people will set financial goals. They will invest, they may have a financial planner, and that is their total sum of planning for the future. I think that's only a piece of what needs to be done in my life. Beyond the financial piece, there is a health goal that I set for myself. It's about how many times per week I'm going to exercise and what is the duration of that exercise? In terms of eating- what lifestyle and I am going to embrace? Will I follow a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, or pegan diet (Yes, that is a thing!) What does stress management look like for me? Will I see a therapist, journal, find a hobby, or engage in meditation? Maybe it will be a combination of all of those...
People all around us are serving different materialistic masters. I have guilt associated with not having my priorities in the right place in the past. In this episode, I will share some thoughts about masters some people serve. Please visit Amazon.com and check out Boss Flow to purchase incredible PMS gummies. Enter B-O-S-S-F-L-O-W as your discount code to receive 10% off your order. https://www.gotoquiz.com/whats_your_number_one_priority_in_life (Priorities in Life Quiz)- Click on the link if you want to analyze your priorities in life. 0:07 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, you know, the fifty-something who gets out glowy inside when she gets to talk to you guys about life, love, and a plethora of other topics. Well, I had an interesting conversation a few weeks ago with a gentleman that sparked me to thinking about people and things. He said, "I know he drove a Subaru Forester, but what car do you really want?" Excuse me?" I was totally taken aback. I said, "I drive a Subaru Forester because I want to drive a Subaru Forester." And he said," Well, you probably really want a Mercedes or BMW or something like that." I said, "No, I'm driving what I want to drive." Then I started thinking about how people are so fascinated with materialism and in society. It seems to be very difficult to be yourself, and people are constantly trying to put you into this materialistic mode. Well, I work very hard to live a minimalist lifestyle. I truly believe that when you make things your Master, you're going to be miserable in life, and whatever you make your master, you will serve. How did we get to this place where we assign people value based on the things they own? We will praise morally bankrupt celebrities, just because they are rich and famous. We will downplay people who can have hearts of gold, but they are not wealthy. For fun, I placed a life priorities quiz in my show notes. I was not surprised by my results. Family is now my number one priority. Give it a try and see where you land. 1:54 I remember one time a friend gave me a $900 purse. That's right. Not $9, not 90, $900! I was horrified. I thanked her and then I told her that was not my cup of tea. I usually buy my purses at Ross, and I don't spend more than about $30 for a purse. She would not take it back. So, I sold the purse on eBay and paid some bills. Now I know people with several, clothes, shoes and handbag habits. A colleague I worked with always had matching shoes and bags. She was diva down every day. I mean this woman looked like she stepped out of a magazine, every day. Then one day at work, she looked incredibly sad. When I asked her what was wrong. She said her water had been turned off at home. There are no words to describe my level of dismay. Her master was dressing a certain way every day, even if it meant not having utilities paid. 3:03 People pick your poison for different reasons. I know for years, I struggled with having to have the latest version of a vehicle. I will be in the middle of paying off a vehicle, and another car would come out that I just had to have. Foolishly I would finance the negative equity of one car into the amount of the next vehicle. You can imagine that after doing this four or five times, I found myself in a never-ending cycle of automobile debt. My last car purchase was difficult. I purchased a vehicle without financing any negative equity. With the current car-buying crisis my car with 20,000 miles on it is now valued at about $4,000 more than I paid for it brand new. For years I made having the latest and greatest automobile, my master. It pains me to see cars that I bought years ago that are still on the road. I could have been driving the same car, and I would have been better off financially if I just stayed satisfied with the vehicle I had. But no, I was caught up in having the latest and greatest. I think this is the reason, the guy's comment bugged me so bad. It took me...
Trauma can be a stumbling block or a stepping stone. This episode focuses on how I do not let the worst experience of my life define me anymore. Tonight's sponsor is Relief Factor! Get your discount today! https://bit.ly/3f5iKMo 00:04 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot. You know the 50 something who geeks out when she has the opportunity to talk about life, love, and a smattering of other topics. Recently, I had a conversation with my best friend of over 40 years, whoo I am dating myself, Molly. We were talking about obstacles in our lives and I suggested that we look back at the things we have gone through and let them remind us of our strength. We can view trauma as a stumbling block, or a stepping stone. The choice is definitely ours. This evening, I'm going to share a few points about why it is important to take the lessons we learned from trauma, and use those lessons to keep us motivated to succeed. The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study or ACEs captured important data to show the impact of childhood trauma, the experiences might be abuse, neglect, witnessing domestic violence, etc. This study found that as exposure to these types of events increased, the likelihood for unfavorable outcomes, such as disease risk factors incidence and poor self-rated health was a problem. The lack of healthcare utilization and mortality increased according to how high the ACES score was. Seriously scary stuff right? I put a link to the ACE quiz in my show notes, and you can take the quiz if you would like to see where you score. 01:38 Thinking about trauma exposure as a guaranteed ticket to failure is not healthy. I've discussed before that I am a sexual assault survivor. My neighbor attacked me when I was just four years old. I suppressed the memory for decades until one day I had to face it. The evidence of my trauma was the unhealthy lifestyle I lived. Even when I didn't talk about it, it still permeated every cell of my body. When I confronted my abuser 46 years later, I freed myself. I served a 46-year sentence of shame and guilt for something I had no control over. Now, I let the experience motivate me to succeed because I realized some things about myself. The first thing I realized is that it is important to have compassion when you see people behave a certain way. I know this grace was extended to me by several people. Thank you. I may not understand who you are and everything you do, but I can give you the space to be yourself. How has this helped me in the workplace? I don't go around expecting everyone to be me. I can have friendships with people that have different belief systems than mine. Now my preference would have been to never experience what happened to me 51 years ago, but I can't change it. I do have the ability to find a way to use that experience to motivate me to succeed in other facets of my life. 03:13 The second lesson I learned is that I'm incredibly strong and resilient, even though the experience planted a seed in me of inferiority. I still achieved many of my life goals. I got married, got an education I had kids, even though there was a battle raging in my subconscious that drove me to continually doubt myself. When I read the results of the ACE study, I literally broke down and cried. My life could have been so different. I cannot underestimate the importance of being surrounded by an incredible amount of love and support from my friends and family. They always say I gave it to them as well, but somehow I feel like the prize winner in all of this deal. I think about when my dad taught me how to ride a bike. He held on to the bike and walked with me while I pedaled until I told him one day, I got it. My family kept me strong. Until the day I realized I am strong. 04:15 Before I move to the final lesson I learned, I need to share some important information about tonight's sponsor. Tonight's episode is sponsored by Relief Factor. Pain from everyday...
Last week I talked about how different communication styles can cause the same page blues. In this episode, I am discussing money and intimacy as obstacles in relationships. Tonight's episode is sponsored by Hello Fresh. Link: https://hellofresh-ca.o5kg.net/c/2544961/791027/7893 Code: HFAFF80 If you are asked to convert to another link, please do not! Get 80 dollars off and free shipping from Hello Fresh. 00:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot. You know that fifty-something who lights up when she can talk about life, love, and a hodgepodge of other topics. Last week I started talking about the same page blues. That episode was really looking at communication in relationships and I posed a couple of questions that I promised I would address tonight. The first question was, what happens when the Sprinter decides their voice needs to be heard? Well, in situations like this, most of the time when the Sprinter wants to be heard, the Marathoner feels like that person is changing. They are not the person they were initially drawn to. If the Sprinter wants to be more vocal, then you might just have to find another relationship to do that in. The second question was, should the marathoner, encourage a sprinter to talk more? Again, the issue becomes are you turning this person into something that they really are not. So in that instance, I'm thinking about an issue is going to arise from that. Anyone that's trying to shape you to be what they want you to be doesn't really appreciate the person that you are. If they really have the desire to mold and shape, invite them to buy some Play-Doh. 1:30 Definitely, communication can be a stumbling block in a relationship. Tonight, I want to look at other areas in which the same page, if you're not there, can cause the blues. The first would be finances. When I got married, I basically had zilch, in terms of experience in managing money. I had a dad who used to give me blank checks to go shopping. But I had a husband that didn't have those same kinds of pockets, for me it was that a big growing-up moment. I didn't understand about balancing the checkbook, I just wrote them and let them fly. My husband with his loving tone came to me and said, Honey, I'm gonna let you have your own checking account for a little while. I want you to work on managing that when you show me you can manage money responsibly, I will resume having a joint account with you. This is the best thing he could have ever done for me. It made me grow up and learn how to handle money. Still not the best, but I've come a long way. 2:34 If you are a spender, but your partner's a saver, that can really be a point of contention. It's important before you come together to understand a person's views about money. Be observant. Watch how a person manages their finances and have open conversations with them about how you manage money. Problems can destroy marriages and relationships, pretty quickly. Being on the same page is a source of harmony for you and your partner. A relationship's financial health is a cornerstone of the overall health of a relationship. 3:09 Hey, speaking of finances. I am so excited to share tonight's sponsor with you. Tonight's episode is brought to you by HelloFresh. Do you feel like you're stuck in a dinner rut? With HelloFresh you get fresh pre-measured ingredients with mouth-watering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door. Skip all those trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking, easy, fun, and affordable. You can now enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in 30 minutes, or less. With over 25 recipes to choose from, each week, there is something for everyone to enjoy. All recipes are designed and tested by professional chefs and nutritional experts to ensure deliciousness and simplicity. Have you seen the salsa verde enchiladas? One look was enough for me to be sold on this meal delivery service. Go to the link in
The destination of many couples is brunt on the same page. What are some struggles of opposites when they attract? 00:19 Evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Coco Grieux just a 50 something who relishes in talking about life, love, and a smattering of other topics. The same page is the premier destination for many couples. This place represents happiness, contentment, and the pathway to a lasting relationship. My mom used to say nothing beats understanding. When you and your partner are on the same page, life is good! A longtime friend of mine Wayne and I were talking about how people can have so much in common, but certain elements in relationships hinder long-term success. These couples have a case of the same page blues. It seems they cannot make it to that destination. 1:10 Let me give you a few examples of what this can look like. You have a person who you are genuinely interested in, and you're connected to them. You just see yourself being involved with this person for a very long time. You are an introvert, and they are an extrovert. There's some strong potential for problems to arise in this situation. A great night to you is sitting down and watching a movie and having a conversation, only when it's necessary, Your partner wants to go out and be the life of the party among friends. You guys are not on the same page, you have the same page blues. There's a lot of talk about how opposites attract. But when you get down to the fundamentals of a person's personality, sometimes that opposite can derail an entire relationship. I want to make a suggestion with the situation. The time to talk about these kinds of issues is not when you find yourself in conflict. This has to be fleshed out ahead of time. Compromise is a great tool to introduce into the relationship. Maybe you spend your evening watching a movie, and the extrovert goes out and spends time with friends. It takes a lot of trust to be able to do that. I'm not a fan of contorting yourself to be something you're not just to please someone else. Even if you genuinely care about the other person. I think it is an unrealistic expectation to do everything together. This is something you have to talk about when you're starting a relationship in terms of expectations because expectations can be resentments on layaway. Are you okay with your partner going out when you don't feel like it? Or are you okay with your partner staying at home when you don't feel like it? These are very grown-up conversations to have and you have to put feelings aside. Just be real about where you are with one another. It is human to go along to get along, but in the end, not being your authentic self will get old. Faked the page, invite the rage. 3:14 Before I go on, let me pay the bills for this podcast by sharing tonight's sponsor with you. Tonight's episode is brought to you by Azoth. Azoth is a Boston- based women-owned supplement company that makes premium quality supplements for women with a mission to help people reach their highest potential without the harmful side effects of over-the-counter medications. Their newest supplement Boss Flow is a PMS gummy that helps every woman to be a boss, no matter what day of the month it is. These little gummies are packed full with a delicious blast of strawberry flavor and powerful vitamins and nutrients to help soothe menstrual cramps, stop bloating and balance out hormonal mood swings and acne symptoms that are often caused by periods. Trust me, I've heard these really work. Boss Flow is exclusively, offering my listeners 10% off your next purchase by going to Amazon.com searching for Boss Flow gummies, and using the code Boss Flow. That's code BOSS FLOW to get 10% of your purchase at checkout. You need to have an Amazon or Amazon Prime account to get these delicious gummies, Order Boss Flow-supplements for boss women on the go. 4:42 So back to tonight's topic. One of the oddest pairings of people I have observed,...
Everywhere you turn people are ready to give advice these days. Some of the best advice I've ever received actually came from Disney movies. In this episode, I share my favorite pieces of advice from pretty popular Disney movies. 00:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot just a fifty-something who dabbles in talking about life, love, and a googob of other topics. Advice is abundant in life, but not all advice is good advice. I love watching movies and Disney movies are a surprising source of good advice. Tonight, I'm sharing with you the best advice I've gleaned from these movies. I will tell you the advice first, and then name the movie it came from. Hopefully, if you not seen the movie mentioned, you'll take the time to check it out. 00:49 "It's up to you how far you go if you don't try, you'll never know." This is from the Sword in the Stone. This advice helped me when I thought about going to graduate school, I was in my 40s and feeling very out of touch with school. I was motivated to attend because I wanted to improve my practices as an educator. The what if's that came to mind were awesome and massive. I had a two- year old child, I had a first-year college student, and not to mention, I was working a full-time job. There were more reasons not to go than to go, but I thought about this piece of advice, and I forged ahead with my plan. Not only did I begin my studies I successfully earned my Master's degree with a 4.0 average. My mom always said, nothing beats a failure, but a try. 1:41 The next quote, "I don't want to survive. I want to live." is from the movie Wall-E. This simple quote is incredibly powerful. There's a difference between living and existing. I spent six years in a relationship with he who shall not be named. It was a sad state of existence, and I truly was not living. Looking forward to embracing each day is a hallmark of living. Now, I jumped out of bed in the morning and I'm eager to experience my days. Each day brings joy from different sources. I have said the next quote is one that is definitely easier said than done." It's important to always look where you're headed, rather than where you were." This is from The Lion King. A recent conversation with a good friend centered around this topic. I was telling him about the regrets I had regarding interactions with certain people. He reminded me that my windshield is bigger than my rearview mirror because it is more important to see where you are going than where you'd have been. I smiled and nodded because I knew he was right. Staying in the present is very necessary to foster happiness. 2:51 Before I go on to the remaining quotes, I'm going to take a moment and share tonight's sponsor with you, today's sponsor is PODGO. PODGO is the easiest way to monetize your podcast. Providing podcasters with a flat rate for ad space, so you always know how much you get when you include an ad from PODGO. Apply today to become a member and immediately be connected with advertisers that fit your audience. That's PODGO.CO , P O D, G O dot CO, and be sure to add the Cocoa Griot podcast in the section, how did you hear about PODGO. 3:32 So, the next quote is "The flower that blooms and adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." This is from Mulan and the quote touches me deeply because of the struggles I've experienced in life. My time at Texas Tech University is one of the best examples of this quote in action. There were 25,000 students at the university, and only 500 were black. I dealt with discrimination to the point I begged my mom to come home. My mother told me that if I can survive in the face of adversity, I will thrive in life. So when this quote came out in the movie, I had to smile and think about my mom. I stuck it out there, and I'm proud to say I earned my degree in a place that challenged me to become the best version of myself. 4:21 The last quote is one that makes me smile the most, and it...
Do you have a go-to phrase that is your personal mantra for maintaining sanity? In this episode, I will share the phrase that saves my sanity and helps me to stay on an even keel emotionally. This is the link to get your discount from Relief Factor. https://bit.ly/3f5iKMo 0:02 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, a fifty-something who enjoys sharing ideas about life, love, and a heaping of other topics. This is my one-year anniversary show of bringing you this podcast. I am humbled by the support of my listeners during this journey of growth and exploration. Tonight's topic is the eight-word phrase that saves my sanity on a daily basis. Stress is a guaranteed part of my life, and I encounter stress on a daily basis. Some of you might as well. I was venting one day to a good friend of mine Dr. Marilyn Sinckiweicz. Marilyn looked at me when I finally stopped yapping and paused. She casually said, it is what it is, til it isn't. I just looked at her and thanked her. During this casual conversation, I had been handed one of the most valuable tools to survive adulting. Even if I don't say these words out loud during times of struggle, it helps me to say them in my head. Let me share a few examples from my life, where this phrase saved the day. 1:17 When I was ready to part ways with he who shall not be named, I told him to meet me at the car lot, where I had bought his vehicle. Yes, that's right. I was dumb enough to finance a car for someone who abused me. He parked the car,then he handed me the keys and turned his back on me without saying a word. I saw him get into the car with another woman and drive off. That was the last time I ever saw him. I didn't cry. I didn't curse him. I simply said, it is what it is, til it isn't. It was the most freeing experience ever! Four years later, he died of cancer. I was glad that no matter how evil he had treated me, I didn't have a guilty conscience about my behavior regarding the last time we saw each other in person. 2:12 One time, my cousin's ex-wife came to me and said she desperately needed money for her and the kids. She claimed my cousin was behind on child support. I felt bad for her because I was a widow and a single mom myself. I explained to her, I could loan it to her only under the condition, she would pay me back within two weeks, because I had some bills, I would need to pay back then. Well, as the old saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished. Right? I called her a few days before I needed the money back, and she will not answer me. I went by her house and she will not come to the door. I didn't cry. I didn't curse her. I just said it is what it is til isn't. As luck would have it, I bumped into my cousin and I talked to him about what happened. He explained to me his ex-wife had a habit of borrowing money and not paying it back. He was just shocked that she was fleecing his relatives now that she had burned all of hers. Then, my cousin told me something that stunned me. He said instead of bringing her money, he was going to pay me back the money. I was incredibly grateful but ended up morphing into being the bad person. His wife dirty macked my name with family members, even though I had helped her. 3:41 I want to take a quick break and share some information about tonight's exciting sponsor. Tonight's episode is sponsored by Ri factor. Pain from everyday living, exercise, or just getting older is one of the leading causes of trips to the doctor and sleepless nights. It interferes with daily activities, and can even keep us from spending time with the people we love. If you have every day, pain, it stands to reason you need something you can feel comfortable with taking every day. That's why doctors and then 100% Drug-Free Relief Factor. Now, 10s of 1000s of customers are using Relief Factor every day, to become mostly or completely pain-free 100% Drug-Free relief factor features four key ingredients that each work on a...
Sometimes you pick up a book and it literally is torture to put it down. The Richest Man in Babylon is an engaging read chocked full of financial wisdom. https://thediamondsmine.com/files/Ebooks/Clason-RichestManInBabylon.pdf (https://thediamondsmine.com/files/Ebooks/Clason-RichestManInBabylon.pdf) 0:10 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot. Just a 50 something who delights in discussing life, love, and a vast array of other topics. Books have been my constant companion ever since I learned to read. As an adult, I have some favorite books and recently added one to my collection. I haven't always had the greatest grasp of how to handle finances. So, when a friend mentioned the book, The Richest Man in Babylon, by Samuel Clason to me, I was intrigued by the title. I picked it up and it was very difficult to put back down. In the show notes, I put a link to the PDF of the book, so you can check it out for free. Out of the wealth of knowledge in this book, three main aha moments happened for me. I am hoping you permit me to share what really stood out to me in this helpful book. I think it's important to encourage each other when we find a good read and point us in that direction right? 1:16 So, I know that the first aha, which is paying yourself first, it is sometimes hard to get that out y'all. I struggle with this probably more than any of the other principles laid out in this book. The idea that when you work, you get paid, and you turn around and give that to somebody else, that's been the mainstay of my life. So why is it important to pay yourself? The most prolific reason is so that you feel you are directly benefiting from the work you did. I know you turn on the light switch it works, which is great, or you go to the refrigerator and there's no echo when you open the door, and that's great. But y'all it's deeper than that. When we talk about paying yourself first, we mean, are you saving or are you investing so you have the opportunity to see your funds grow? When you're only paying your bills and other obligations, all you see is a depletion of funds. There is joy in being able to see the money you earn blossom through saving or investing. 2:23 My next aha moment is living below your means. I always grew up hearing live within your means, but the concept of living below your means was foreign to me. I totally get it though. If you're living below your means, you're most likely finding opportunities and ways to save money at every turn. This strategy also helps you create a budget and stick to it. This was my reaction when someone used to mention the word budget to me. 2:59 It seemed like you were confining yourself to something and it was almost like having an adult allowance, and now my viewpoint has totally changed. Creating this budget is actually the stepping stone to having financial freedom. If you exercise discipline for a little while, there's greater later. I'm now making budgeting a priority for sure. I used to complain about the fact that there was so much month left at the end of my money, but I understand why. Eliminating the word 'just' as it relates to money was a big help for me. Saying something is' just' $5, or' just' $10 minimizes the cumulative impact that can happen over time. If I spend that ''just $10 on 10 Things that are unnecessary. That's just $100 gone. Creating an awareness of how I spend money has helped me tremendously. 3:54 Hey, speaking of money, it is time to pay the bills for this podcast, with your permission, I want to take a moment and talk about tonight's sponsor, Bruush is an electric toothbrush that will change the way you think about brushing your teeth. With powerful sonic technology and ultra-gentle bristles, Bruush redefines what it means to have super clean teeth. It's like that feeling when you just leave the dentist, a fresh whole mouth clean every single day. Our listeners get 15% of their total purchase with code POD15,...
I am lamenting the years I spent eating toxic foods. I am not just concerned with the effect on my body, my brain health suffered as well. 0:12 Welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Coco Griot, just a 50 something who digs talking about life, love, and a heaping over the topics. I'm coming to you a little early this week because there's some maintenance going on with my host provider. I would really rather deliver the message early than late. I'm just going to jump right into it out of the gate and let you know, I am a hypocrite. Whenever I saw people riding motorcycles, you know like crotch rockets, without helmets, I would automatically think, how do they not care about their brain. Yet I would sit down at buffest and eat like there was no tomorrow because I didn't care about my brain. Now that I've got that off my chest about being a hypocrite, I'm going to share with you my newfound knowledge regarding food choices, and cognitive decline. 1:11 A lot of you listening are probably in your 20s or 30s and the last thing you're thinking about is what life will be like in your 70s or 80s. Well, because that is not so far away from me, I want to talk about tonight: What is the fork, are you doing for your brain? I want to tell you this is something we should be thinking about before we are staring aging in the face. I read some interesting research from the National Institute on Aging. If you will listen for a little while I'd like for you to take the time to think about feeding your brain, as well as your body. Scientists have discovered there's a definite link between what we eat and what our brains will be functioning like when we get older. Because I'm a woman of a certain age, I'm interested in what the research has to say about aging and diet. There's a study that was done with several hundred people who were not showing any signs of cognitive decline, even though they were... let's just say seasoned. You know when Pharaoh's daughter pulled Moses out of the water, she handed him to me to dry him off, because I am very well seasoned. I know family members and friends that experience tremendous cognitive deficits. I don't want that to be me. As long as my physical body is here, I want my mental capacity to be its companion, fully. Now I know that this is one of those shows where you guys are saying Cocoa is going off on her little sciency things, but really, you know, I am a kind of sciency girl. 2:52 Get a life nerd. One of the things that I want to highlight from this study is the fact that there is a diet for your mind. So, since the word diet bothers me, I kind of prefer to say lifestyle. Like we've heard about the vegan lifestyle, or the vegetarian lifestyle, or the Keto lifestyle. This diet, lifestyle, basically stands for Mediterranean Intervention for Neurocognitive Delay. Say that three times fast! I need a glass of water after that. The information I'm sharing with you tonight is not thus sayeth Cocoa Griot. This information comes from the National Institute of Aging. Now you might not be thinking about aging, right now. It is something that is so far off, but I want you to think about this kind of like retirement. So many people think about, oh, I'm going to save for retirement while I'm young. But have we ever thought about what if you save all this money, and then someone else has to be over it because you don't have the mental capacity to manage your own affairs? That would truly be a travesty. So we kind of have to think about this as an investment in ourselves for the long term. 4:04 Before I continue on with the topic, please allow me to share a word about our sponsor for tonight's podcast. Tonight's episode is sponsored by Relief Factor. Pain from everyday living, exercise, or just getting older is one of the leading causes of trips to the doctor and sleepless nights. It interferes with daily activities, and can even keep us from spending time with the people we love. If you have everyday...
I was my Big Daddy's Blue Bug and he was the center of my world during my first four years of life. He gifted me with coping mechanisms that help me to handle life's stresses. 0:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who cherishes talking about life, love, and a plethora of other topics. A few months back I sat down to read my email, and one message stood out from the rest of the normal junk mail that litters my inbox. The message was from the website, Find A Grave, and it was an alert that someone had honored my picture request. Now I don't know what kind of person takes out the time to walk around cemeteries and take pictures, but boy, am I grateful to this person beyond measure. I hesitated for a moment to open the email and look at the photo. Once I've opened it, I could not stop looking at the grave marker. I kept thinking about how inadequate that space was to describe the man I knew as Big Daddy. Aww... Elbert Leon Lewis was born in the late 1890s, and he was my mother's grandfather. For the first four years of my life, he was truly the center of my world. Every day before my parents went to work, they marched us across the street to Big Daddy's house. I could not get there fast enough, because he always greeted me with tender forehead kisses and a squeeze of my oversized cheeks. 1:31 Big Daddy was the only person allowed to call me Blue Bug, according to my rules. He made up the nickname, so he had the sole privilege of using the nickname. My first sanctuary was just being in Big Daddies presence. I didn't fret when my parents went to work, because I knew a day of adventure was a store for my siblings and me. Amazingly, over 50 years have passed since I last saw Big Daddy. I am not sad when I think of him though, the opposite is true. I get transported to a time of pure joy in my life when I think about him, and my memories. The activities he enjoyed were simple, and they bring me joy today as well. He gifted me with ways to cope when things are stressful in life. Let me start with music. If there was no Charlie Parker, Duke Ellington, or Dizzy Gillespie playing on the Victrola, Big Daddy had to be sick. Music was such a huge part of his day, but I never remember him listening to blues music. There was always some kind of upbeat merriment that made me move my spindly legs, even though I had zero rhythm. I learned from him that music was a balm to your soul. He never directly spoke those words to me, but I could see how his eyes lit up when he heard the famous Night in Tunisia. 3:04 Years later I got to hear Dizzy Gillespie's live performance, and I was overcome with joy. I could see Big Daddy's wide smile when I close my eyes and bobbed my head to the haunting melody. Music is a sanctuary I'm so grateful to have in my life today. I can listen to George Gershwin's Rhapsody and believe one minute, and then George Clinton's Not Just Knee Deep the next. It is not about the vehicle that takes me there, it is the journey itself, that allows me to get lost in my sanctuary. Some days when things are really rough. I tune out the world and just tune in to my music. 3:38 An additional sanctuary that I got from him was reading. I remember when I researched Big Daddy's parents, they were both born in the 1870s, and so I was excited to found out they were both literate. I was excited when I read the information about them in the 1910 census. Big Daddy read the newspaper every day. He especially enjoyed the comics, seeing him read every day made me anxious to learn to want to read. I love to listen to his booming baritone voice narrate what was happening in the comments as my eyes darted across the page. 4:08 Please permit me to take a moment to thank tonight's sponsor for our show. PodGo. Tonight's podcast is presented by PodGo. PodGo is the easiest way for you to monetize your podcast, providing podcasters with a flat rate for ad space. You always...
One of the quickest ways to spark controversy in a conversation is to mention The Fact you are celibate.0:16 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot that 50 something single mom who relishes talking about life, love, and a heaping of other topics. My best friend always tells me that there's a sock for every shoe. I kindly remind her that some people just maybe sandals. I don't even like socks with sandals. The encouragement to find a partner is all around us. But is it really necessary? So many people have settled into being single, and they have gotten incredibly comfortable in their present state. I just want you to know that it is okay to be the "I" in celibacy. 0:58 My married friends are always question me about how I survive without physical intimacy. The answer is quite simple, celibacy is my new drug. Now I've never been one to partake in using illicit substances, but I do know that euphoria of a natural high. Celibacy enhances my life in three main ways. There's some people might find surprising. I'm in year four now, not because I haven't had offers, but because I choose to be celibate. 1:25 Celibacy affords me the time and space to explore myself. When one is involved in a physical relationship, there is a mental chatter that's constantly going on from a partner, even if you are separated because of work hours, or other engagements. There's usually some type of commitment to continual conversation that ensues. So positive self talk. My positive self talk has increased exponentially since I've been celibate. I don't obsess over my body like I do when I had to undress in front of someone. I love me some me. This next line is going to sound really weird, but I have to take a moment to introduce the sponsor for tonight's show. 2:04 Tonight's episode is sponsored by Relief Factor. Not that kind of relief. Like the pain from everyday living, exercise, or just getting older is one of the leading causes of trips to the doctor and sleepless nights interferes with daily activities, and can even keep us from spending time with the people we love. If you have everyday pain, it stands to reason you need something you can feel comfortable with taking every day. That's why doctors invented 100% drug free, really effective. Now 10s of 1000s of customers are using Relief Factor every day, to become mostly for completely pain free. 100% drug free relief factor features four key ingredients that each work on a different metabolic pathway to support your body's natural healing processes to respond to pain and inflammation. Now you can try Relief Factor to the three week Quickstart retail price of almost $70 is now available to my listeners for just $19.95. Head to the link in my show notes to find out more. Start your journey to better health, and less pain today with Relief Factor. 3:07 Now back to the topic at hand. On my bathroom mirror the words I am enough are conspicuously scrawled. Those words are a constant reminder that I don't have to measure up to anyone's standards, but my own. My only competition in life is to be a better person tomorrow than I was today. The magnifying mirror on my vanity is a bastion of truth, no filters Photoshop or other enhanced with a present. When I meet my bare face in the morning, I chuckle when I remember how I used to wake up an hour before my partner to plaster my face with makeup. Waking up alone frees me from this formidable chore. 3:45 Mental clarity. When you are physically involved with the partner, you don't just wait to physically join to ignite the fire. Calls and texts are always a part of the regimen to help stoke the fires of passion. It takes an incredible amount of mental energy to keep up the pace of volley texting for hours. Now, I use that energy to write about my life, love, and other topics. I was able to start this podcast with a goal of helping other women's with trials and struggles in life. The precision of my focus is...
The Dilemma Many parents today are caught in the crossfire of whether they should be a child's friend, or be a parent. The choice was easy for my mom. She parented my siblings and I and today we are better people because of her choice. Her example helped me to raise my own children so they understand I love them and care for them. 00:11 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot that 50 something single mom who enjoys talking about life, love, and a boatload of other topics. I've been thinking a lot about my mom this week and last week because of Mother's Day. Boy do I miss her. Her words are my constant companions, and I'm gonna share a few of those words with you tonight. Some of them might surprise you. So when I was a junior in high school with my own car, I approached my mom about extending our curfew past 10pm. She asked me what I thought would be a suitable curfew for a 16 year old, and I immediately said midnight. My mom looked me without an ounce of malice on her face, or in her voice and said," Ain't nothing and open after midnight but legs and motels." in other words, DENIED! I reminded her about the way she raised me, and that she would not have to worry about things like that. She reminded me that she had only raised two young men in Tyler, Texas, my brothers. She could not guarantee the morals of other young men, so her no was firm. I just laughed and accepted the fact that my curfew was still 10pm. Nothing short of an act of Congress would change my curfew. Well, as time went by and my senior year rolled around, I started to notice that many of the girls were late curfews also had like periods. When I really sat down and thought about it later, I realized something. My mom had the courage to tell me no, and raise me. She had lived a little longer than I had and I had to give her credit for the wisdom she shared with me. Her main objective was not being my friend, she did what she needed to do to keep me safe. Setting boundaries as a parent can be hard, but I'm so thankful, I had a mom who did that for me. 02:04 Another important lesson I learned from my mom was about friends. My mom always said everything that grin ain't no friend. This is something that, boy, I had the occasion to learn. I had a friend, quote unquote, that was in a very desperate situation. She was someone that also really never caught a break in life. I helped her and as the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished became a reality for me. I wanted to purchase a home in 2006, I was confident that things would go well, and when I filled out the mortgage application. Boy was I wrong. My credit was terrible! There was a $900 MCI bill, cable bill, utilities, and back rent owed all in a state 1100 miles away from where I lived. I was devastated that I had to put my house purchasing plans on hold while I disputed and cleaned up my credit. When I reached out to the ..., she did not respond, so I decided to reach out to the only other family member I could contact for her, and while I was a little apprehensive because I was not sure how she will respond to the things of what her daughter had done. Her mom believed me and apologized to me profusely. She let me know, it was easy to believe this because this... 03:22 had done the same thing to her. I was stunned and I realized that if this girl could do that to her mom, I was definitely eligible to. The one thing I can say about the situation is that it taught me an important lesson in life. If a person has ruined their own credit, what makes you think they will care about ruining yours. There is no passenger seat on the social security number. It is designed for one person to use only. Just as my mom said, everything that grin and no friend. Before I share any more of my mom's wisdom, I want to share word from the sponsor for tonight's show. 03:57 Tonight's episode is brought to you by Fulton, a modern brand of arch support. Fulton launched the most...
Trust and Empathy in a Relationship The two main qualities I need in a relationship are trust and empathy. In this episode I revealed what it was like to have those qualities in place, and what the opposite was like. 00:09 Good evening and welcome to my humble are cast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, that fifty- something single mom who enjoys talking about life, love, and a host of other topics. Tonight's episode is a stroll down memory lane for me. There are streets lined with beautiful scenery, and others that remind me of the Nightmare on Elm Street. When I think about the two major relationships in my life, I have to admit, they're about as different as night and day. I mentioned this before to some friends that after my king. when I reached back into that deck, I pulled out a joker! It may sound humorous, but it was no laughing matter. Let me clarify from the beginning, I'm not bashing men. Anything that comes off as negative is a reflection of my experience with one man. There are two main points I'm going to compare these two men on. I felt it was important to do this because I really want to help women understand their value. And what happens when you lose sight of it. 01:15 Also, it's important to make relationship decisions based on your own insight and not make choices because of what others do. This is a whole story in and of itself for another time. So, the aspects that are really important to me and non negotiables today are empathy, and trust. These things mean the world to me. I'm going to address empathy first with an example from my husband actually before he became my husband, but it kind of put him on the right path to be my husband. So one day, I invitedJames to dinner a knowing full well I didn't know how cook. I arranged for my roommate to actually cook the meal, but we were going to pretend that I was making the food. When she went into the kitchen to check on the food, there would be no noise, but when I went into the kitchen... Oh my goodness. I wanted to make sure he understood I was working hard in that kitchen. So the third time I emerged from the kitchen, he said, "Come sit down honey, and let me talk to you for a minute." I said, "What?. He said." Daisy, I know you cannot cook, anybody making all that noise is not doing anything."" But don't worry, I love you and I will cook for us until I've taught you how to cook." That made my heart melt, and we had the best laugh. How can you not love a man like that? 02:40 Now, the headache example. I remember how it was difficult for me to be a mom of an infant at 38. Healing from my c- section was slow and the pain was excruciating. So our son was two weeks old and one day he had a serious colicky moment. I was working so hard to calm him down, but before I knew it, I was on the wrong end of an expletive written tirade about what an awful mother I was. I tried to explain that babies, sometimes they're colicky, and it's uncomfortable but he will be okay. No matter what I said, the abusive speech continued. So, to stop the barrage I complied when he told me he wanted me to go into his SUV and take the baby to the hospital. I held back my tears the entire ride to the hospital because of the pain. Well, at the hospital, he who shall not be named was told I had done everything right, that could be done. We just had to ride this out. Not only did he not show me the empathy, he looked at me and said it was still all my fault. I wanted to summon a laser beam from outer space and evaporate him on the spot. We're gonna take a minute and have a word from our sponsors. Revolution beauty is affordable and accessible makeup for all. they Since day one Revolution has been challenging beauty norms and championing diversity. All products are 100% cruelty free and designed based on consumer feedback. So Revolution has something for every skin type, and any occasion. We are teaming up with Revolution beauty to give you 20% off your next purchase by using the code...
Laughter Is Essential For Solid Mental Health It is very easy to get caught up in all the things we have to do on a daily basis. I schedule my days with many necessary things. My life improved significantly when I learned to pencil in time for fun and laughter. In this episode I share some of the sources I use to get my recommended daily intake of fun. If you are overworked and fun deprived, please check out this episode. 00:20 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, that 50 something single mom who enjoys sharing about life, love, and a plethora of other topics. At first glance the title of this episode might seem a little strange, but trust me, there is a method to my madness. I am a chronic scheduler. I wonder if when I was in my mother's womb, I decided to be born at 4:22pm so my dad would not be tied up in five o'clock traffic getting to the hospital. I arrived eight days before Christmas, so I would not have to share my birthday marquis with a major holiday. You know I'm almost embarrassed to show anyone the calendar in my phone, because it is so OCD by the way, I really think those letters should be CDO, they're not alphabetical and that always bothers me. So on my calendar there are meetings, there's appointments, there's bill pay reminders, you name it. But a few entries might surprise you. I am so routinized, I have to schedule fun. Let me tell you it sounds a little wacky, but it makes such a huge difference in how I feel at the end of every day. In fact, laughter and fun is my antidote for the daily grind. So on days that are filled with meetings, vicarious trauma, and unpleasant interactions and Scotty beating me up is not an option. Psych, I didn't go anywhere. I make time for laughter. I'm going to share something I do every night before I go to bed because it helps me to unwind and relax. I take time to laugh. So, this is not just me who believes this is important. The Mayo Clinic cites that laughter has many short term and long term effects. Please allow me to take you on a geek trip for a moment. I promise we will not be in the Twilight Zone for long, or will we? 02:16 Okay I'm silly. Let's seriously talk about why we need fun, something in my brain is telling me that does not sound right as a sentence, but I'm kind of moving on with it anyway I'm committed. So let's talk about the short term effects of a good laugh. You know, a good laugh is going to enhance your intake of oxygen rich, air stimulate your heart, lungs and muscles and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. That hearty laugh also fires up and it cools down your stress response. It can increase and decrease your heart rate and blood pressure, The end result, a good relaxing feeling. Laughter can stimulate your circulation, and muscle relaxation, both of which just leaves you with that good feeling of being relaxed. Let's look at the long term effects. Laughter is not just a quick flash in the pan. It's also got some great long term effects. You know negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. Look, I don't know about you but right now I'm trying to get as much as immunity as I can. By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more serious illnesses, now told you I was getting geeky. So laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations, and it can help connect you with other people. I know I'm much more drawn to people who are laughing, than people who are cutting onions with tissues, Right? So many people have experienced depression sometimes that's kind of a chronic illness. Laughter can help lessen depression and anxiety, and make you feel happy! I don't know about you, but I love being happy. 03:52 Before I share some of my favorite before bed laughs, I want to acknowledge the sponsor for tonight's
The Power of Parental KarmaKarma never takes a lunch break or goes on vacation. I found out the hard way! I gave my mom the business when I was a Kid and the favor was returned. 0:00 - 0:30 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, a fifty-something single mom who enjoys talking about life, love and a smattering of other topics. To say that I was nosy as a child is an understatement. I always liked to hang around grown ups because that's where the real action was. Who cared about Barbie or GI Joe or whatever Tonka trucks rolling through was 0:30 - 1:00 doing. I wanted my ear to the street. My mother would have none of it, But one day I heard my mom tell my dad how much she disliked this woman that had to stop by pick up something. My mom kept saying gosh this woman is so two-faced. I really just want her to get on with what she needs and then move on. Because I really don't like two-faced people. My five year old brain lit up. I was about 1:00 - 1:30 to see a woman with two faces!. Oh wow! So the woman comes over and somehow she manages not just to pick up stuff, but she worked her way in and sat down in the living room. I looked at the woman in the front, then I looked at her in the back. And I proudly announced to my mom. "I thought you said this lady had two faces, she only has one face." The lady grabbed her purse and left in a huff. 1:30 - 2:00 Big trouble doesn't even describe what I was about to endure. But you have to be careful what you say around kids. Let's take a minute to acknowledge the sponsor for tonight's episode. And then I will tell you about how karma works. Bruush is an electric toothbrush will change the way you think about brushing your teeth with powerful sonic technology and ultra gentle bristles. The Bruush redefines. What it means to have a 2:00 - 2:30 super clean teeth and mouth. It's like that feeling when you just leave the dentist. A fresh whole mouth clean every single day! Our listeners get fifteen percent off the total purchase with CODE POD 15. Follow the link in the show notes and enter the code POD 15 to get your exclusive discount an upgrade your oral care routine. Now let's not look at not one. Let's look at two examples of Karma. So one 2:30 - 3:00 So one thing my mother always reminded me was that I was going to get back what I had given her in my childhood. Boy was she right. I remember we were throwing my son Cameron a birthday party he was turning three. We were all in the living room celebrating and then Cameron decided that he needed to go to the bathroom or so I thought. He came back from the laundry room with a pair of my underwear. He proudly held them up and said see everybody these are my mama's 3:00 - 3:30 panties. That was the sound of my dignity exiting the room at that moment. All I could do was think about the two faced woman and how my mom had gotten her revenge on me through my son. I quickly retrieved my underwear from Cameron's hands and invited him to join his birthday party with his friends while I tucked away my underwear and my embarrassment. Round 2 3:30 - 4:00 One day my grandfather was visiting us and he was playing with Cameron. Cameron had a toy and dropped it and said (car horn) My grandfather looked at him and said what did you say? Cameron just nonchalantly replied, I said (car horn) like my mama does all the time. Well that was the day I decided to clean up my verbal act because my grandfather was quite upset with me. 4:00 - 4:30 I had not let that word leave my lips in his presence, but it was apparent that I had a habit of using that word when he wasn't around. It also taught me that children are sponges! They soak up everything in their environment, good or bad. Whether it is two faces, underwear or some inappropriate language, we always have to be careful when little ears are listening. As always I 4:30 - 4:35 wish you good...
Increasing Confidence Is A Process In this episode I discuss my discovery about how to increase my confidence. A book called A Little Spot of Confidence by Diane Alber provides a simple guide to building your confidence spot. Good evening and welcome to the humble. Podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot. A fifty- something single mom enjoys talking about life love and a host of other topics. There is something I want to talk about tonight and it is totally based on a book I read to one of my mentees. I was reading the book in my sing- song cheery voice, but I actually wanted to cry. This simple book was giving advice on a major issue in my life, having 0:30 - 1:00 confidence. The book is called A Little Spot of Confidence by Diane Alber.This little 12 dollar book is invaluable to me. The book actually gives suggestions of how to grow your confidence spot. I want to address my struggle with spot shrinkage first, and then I will share some of the gems of wisdom in this little book. So first let me talk a little about spot shrinkage, the things that people might do that shrink your confidence 1:00 - 1:30 spot. You are stepping out of the house and you know from the last glance you took in the mirror, you are looking good! Your steps are light and you have a gigantic smile on your face. Walking into work you expect to hear compliments, get high fives, and see smiles of approval. Nothing of the sort happens. You immediately 1:30 - 2:00 start to review every inch of your attire and try to figure out what you got wrong. This is something that happens frequently in the workplace. People don't always acknowledge your efforts to look your best, oh but the minute you look your worst, and step in there raggedy wrong, you will get attention. It is important to be okay with you. Don't look for external affirmation, if it comes great, if not, you feel good about yourself just 2:00 - 2:30 same. Our social media driven culture has created a need to be approved by others. Internal likes should be our goal. If no one else validates what we treasure that's okay. It takes work, but in the end protecting your confidence spot is worth it. Before I go on I want to take a moment to acknowledge the sponsor of today's program. Do you experience digital 2:30 - 3:00 eye-strain from too much blue light exposure from digital screens? Baxter Blue glasses are not your average frames. These blue light lenses filter 80% of the highest energy blue light, eliminating 99% of glare. The past year we have all been glued to our devices more than ever I easily spend about 10 hours a day in front of digital screens. That means by the weeks end I have strained my eyes for 70 hours!! Our exposure 3:00 - 3:30 to digital light has soared, and our eyes and our sleep are suffering as a result! Baxter Blue is also a force for good and provides a pair of reading glasses for someone in need for every pair sold. This is eyewear built for our digital age and Baxter Blue is giving our listeners 10% off your next purchase of blue light, sleep, or kids glasses - click the link in our show notes for your exclusive discount. 3:30 - 4:00 This is a sign. You have been waiting for to invest in blue light glasses. We know you will love your Baxter's and we know you will feel the difference so back to the topic at hand. This book may meet. Think of confidence sort of like a plant. If I put effort into nursing plant it will grow. I know there are actions that will support an enhance the plants growth. Neglect will cause the opposite effect. I know because my husband almost didn't marry me. 4:00 - 4:30 He was going out of town and he left in charge for a week to take care of one of his plants. I have a brown thumb and subsequently the plant died. Now I am not going to get into that. If want my confidence to bloom, I have to take deliberate steps to foster its growth. Let me share a few tips from the...
Let's Make Thank You For Your Service More than Lip ServiceI often see military personnel and I am quick to say thank you for your service. There are organizations that give us an opportunity to donate money to help veterans. https://www.buildinghomesforheroes.org/for-veterans/ (https://www.buildinghomesforheroes.org/for-veterans/). https://www.hfotusa.org. https://puppyjakefoundation.org (https://www.hfotusa.org. https://puppyjakefoundation.org) 0:00 - 0:30 Good evening, and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, that fifty-something Mom who likes to chat about life, love and a host of other topics. When we tell people thank you for your service. What do we really mean by that? I had conversations recently with three people that made me ponder the depth of this statement.Two were out of the military and one was still serving. 0:30 - 1:00 I reflected upon the contributions of my great-great-great-grandfather George Guthrie who fought in the Civil War in the calvary for the Union and my great-grandfather Elbert Lewis who fought in World War Two and what their service actually means to me. Whenever I see service people, I'm quick to say thank you for your service, but what have I done to be a service of their community? Tonight, I want to explore the topic of thank you for your service being more than lip service dog. Oftentimes 1:00 - 1:30 I receive calls from organizations that claim to do things on behalf of people who served in the military. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty skeptical about donating so long my conversation this week really made me think about how can I safely do something on behalf of people without getting scammed? I think we've all heard before that freedom is not free. I was shocked to find out that about one-third of veterans suffer from PTSD. 1:30 - 2:00 That's alarming. I know. As a civilian, I've not done enough to find out ways that I can contribute to people served in the military. So I want to start by talking about an organization called you, that's right. I'm talking to me too. You don't have to sign up with any particular entity. If you are not comfortable with that assisting veterans by running errands or spending time with them can be a great help, you know, sometimes people just need someone 2:00 - 2:30 to talk to if you need a more structured way of helping directly, you might consider volunteering at a VA hospital in some capacity on those things are kind of scary right now with covid-19 things that we can do to keep ourselves safe and still contribute before I go further into our topic. I want to share some really exciting information with you. Today's episode is presented by the skin store. For over 20 years the skin store has been the number 2:30 - 3:00 one destination for premium skin care, hair Care, bath and beauty products with over 8,000 different products from 300 different brands. The skin store has you covered for all your hair, cosmetic ,supplements and of course skincare needs find your favorite Brands like eltamd new face olaplex and more all in one place with gifts with every purchase right now. The skin store is offering our listeners 20% off your next purchase by 3:00 - 3:30 using the code pod. That's code pod for 20% off your next purchase at skinstore.com/pod.list. Skinstore, have the confidence to tackle the day ahead. Exclusions apply. So back to the topic at hand. Two organizations that build homes for veterans are Homes for Heroes and Homes for Our Troops. If you have the time and the skill set, these are great ways to get involved and provide tremendous help for our veterans. 3:30 - 4:00 veterans. These groups build new homes or adapt existing homes for veterans with severe injuries. Please know that I checked out both of these nonprofits on Charity Navigator. You can donate money, if you cannot donate time to these worthy and reputable organizations. Some former military...
We Have a Common Enemy, RacismThere is an enemy That we need to address, yet We are attacking each other. Oppressed people should ban together and fight our common enemy. 0:07 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who enjoys sharing ideas about life, love, and a host of other topics. This is a truly exciting week because I launched my website. Please check me out at www cocoa griotscorner.com. You can find blog posts there, my micro cast there, and also you can pick yourself up some cocoa griot merch while you're there. So this weekend, I engaged in some very interesting research. The recent controversy involving Derrick Jackson, made me think about who is influencing whom in our society today. I watched a video by a former reality TV star, discussing the situation. She went on to mention different influencers on YouTube. So I thought I would check these people out. The result was catastrophic. I went down a rabbit hole that I was not expecting to, and I'm still scratching my head several days later, trying to figure out how do we get to the place where we have a tea problem. 1:21 Now in some social circles tea is a moniker for gossip. I was not prepared for the amount of people who actually make an entire living on posting videos and sharing tea. Now let me be clear, I'm not knocking anybody's hustle, but I was truly disturbed by what I found. There's a disruption in the t's that matter to me. In our community, because of this. Specifically, I'm concerned with a disruption of positivity, unity and loyalty. This is the kind of tea that matters to me. So I wanted to address each of these t's, and how our community has moved so far away from them to the point where we literally have beefs going on between people in our community, even though we have bigger issues looming than fighting with ourselves. 2:19 The first thing I want to talk about is unit, T. A common theme in most of these programs was alignment with one side or another, they would gather the troops, so to speak, by running down the character of a person. And then, in the comments there was a huge tagging along attacking that person as well. If we don't have a collective consciousness and work together, we cannot be unified. Maybe it is my age that doesn't allow me to see why these issues matter they are discussing. Focusing on what somebody said about you makes me think about what my big mama used to say. Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never,PLEASE FAST FORWARD hurt feelings is a choice. 3:45 The battle over words, that is raging on social media channels is unbelievable. The next tip I want to talk about his loyal t. So what's amazing if you go back into the history of some of these conflicts, is that one time. These people were actually aligned with one another, something happens, they splinter off, and then they become chief adversaries of one another. Then you go further in history. And you see, they united together to attack someone else. It's a never ending cycle of idiocy that I really truly hate to see. It would be nice if we can be loyal to one another, and support each other and our endeavors, because life is tough. Having people in your corner that you know support you can be very helpful and encouraging when there is no loyalty. Well, people in a group suffer immensely. 4:48 the last day, I want to talk about his positivity. How nice it would be if we could focus on the good and the positive things about others. Sometimes I think it's difficult to do because we don't focus on the positive in ourselves. It is a hard job in his daily practice. Consuming a steady diet of negativity, changes your lens, so it is hard to see anything as positive constant infusions of anger, cloud the minds of people. They don't see anything beyond rage and crackling. In the morning when I get up, I look on my mirror and I have the word squirreled, I am enough. When I know I'm enough that
Sometimes Walking in Your Truth is All You Can doI had to let my hair down and talk about an unfortunate encounter in my life. I hope you are not dealing with this kind of foolishness. 0:06 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. My broadcast tonight is a little bit different. I'm just speaking to someone who's out there in the universe. So I just want to say, I thought we had something special. I thought we had something important, but then reality stepped in and I realized that this was just a game for you. I don't play games with my heart, and as a result, I don't allow others to do it either way you felt like you had to, and you did so. 0:41 So I'm not gonna even ask you why. Because I understand that some people are not chronologically the same age as they are emotionally. So if you feel comfortable being a man of a certain age, but still playing teenage games, I'm not going to hold you hostage. You see, I'm on this journey in search of other souls to interact with that are authentic. Authenticity is incredibly important to me. I don't feel the need to waste anybody's time, and I appreciate no one wasting mine. But that's not the society we live in today. We live in a society where it's more important to think you're someone than actually be someone of character. People are bent on impressing others with what they drive, what they wear, and where they live. The true measure of a person should be their character, what they do in life, and how they treat others. But that's not what we value, we value images, we like to see pretty people driving pretty cars, wear pretty clothes, and live in pretty houses, even if they treat other people pretty crappy. 1:45 So, here today, I have this amazing opportunity to move forward. And I thank you for that. I don't think about the short time I wasted. PLEASE FAST FORWARD. It's okay because I know it's a blessing that it could have been longer. I'm grateful because when people show who they are, it is so important to believe them. You don't rationalize that maybe they're having a bad day, or maybe they're going through something, you might have had a bad day but you don't treat others badly. How many times have you gone through things and not taken anyone with you? This is a measure of a grown person, you place things where they belong. If you know the person and nothing to do with your misfortune, you don't dump on that person. 3:01 Some people are not there yet. Everyone is not operating under the same system. Some people mete out punishment to everyone, just because of their feelings. It's really sad to take away things from someone else to stuff down a hole that's inside of you. If you're an emotional wreck stay alone until you get yourself together. Don't take anyone else along for the ride on your journey of loss. I just want you to know that today I woke up happy, whole and free. I wish the same thing for you. I think if you could get to this place, you would no longer feel the need to take hostages, or hold people accountable for things they didn't do to you. This has to be a very difficult job. 3:53 I think you're listening. I hope you're listening, and if you are. I hope you take my words as sincere thoughts for you. Now, someone else might be going through the same issue with someone and trying to figure out why this person is dragging them through changes. Don't get bogged down in analyzing why a person is doing what they are doing. Take the blessing of the lesson, and move forward. So, that's it. 4:27 As always, I wish you good fortune, good health and good night. Thanks for listening, Coco Griot out.
Changing the Way You Frame a Question Can change your PerspectiveWhen negative things happen the first question many people ask is why? I want to suggest an alternative question that gets things moving away from the pain towards progress. 0:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, a 50 something who loves to share ideas about life, love, and a host of other topics. You know I'm the owner of several bad habits. It's not easy to admit, but I have a collection of faux pas and missteps that could fill a U haul storage unit. As I get better, I like to give myself a little pat on the back, but I'm not quite there yet. One of the victories, I do want to celebrate this evening is changing questions from why to what. It took me a long time to master this one, even though I had compelling examples of the importance of doing so for years. 0:46 I remember one day after something negative happened, I asked why this happened to me? A friend looked at me and said blankly, why not you? You have to realize you're eligible too. After quietly cursing her out under my breath, I realized she was right. That made me ponder the correct questions to ask after something happened. that I didn't anticipate. When my husband was in high school, he and some friends went joy riding one night, they had a horrific accident. Most of the passengers were thrown from the vehicle. My husband was the only survivor. He did not spend his spare hours asking, Why am I the only survived? He asked God, what do you want me to do with my life? He felt he was left here for a reason. He lived in such a way to find out. Many people do experience survivor's guilt after such a tragic event, but his resilience persisted and helped him to see life in a positive light. Focusing on what, instead of why made him an action oriented person. 1:59 Another example of someone in my life that personified the question of what is my late godmother doctor, doctor, doctor, Moody. I called her that because she had three PhD's. When she was growing up, people didn't know she was dyslexic. Although the term dyslexia had been coined almost 70 years before she was born, not many of her teachers understood her situation. She did not learn to read until she was in eighth grade. She didn't focus on why it took so many years, for her to learn to read. She focused on what she was going to do with the ability once she learned to read. Reading became an incredible passion for her. She devoured books, like we might delight in a delicious meal. The discovery of her learning difference was a springboard to her becoming a teacher. She wanted to help others, as she herself had been held. The power of why over what is astonishing. 03:36 10 years ago, I was on the way to pick up my son from school, and a crushing pain, ran through my head when I was sitting in the parking lot. And one of the other moms came over to talk to me. My face was slumping on one side and my speech was slurred. She screamed, "Oh my God, you've had a stroke." She got me into her car and rushed me to the hospital. I could not put together coherent sentences, and the left side of my body was inoperable. I was panic stricken. I felt like a prisoner in my own body. I just kept thinking, "What can I do to get back to being me?" I did not think about why this happened because I actually knew the answer as to why. I was a ball of continual stress and worry. I worried about everything and everybody. My mission from that day on, was to let go. With the exception of memory lapses from time to time, I am back to normal. I have a clear understanding of the phrase, concentrate on what is in your locus of control. Now, I hope you are in a season of thinking about what instead of why. The outcome will be more positive, and I hope your life in general will be as well. 5:00 Thanks for listening. And as always, I wish you good health, good fortune and good night. Cocoa Griot out!
Positive Words Can Stimulate Positive ThoughtsWords can be a lamp to light a path and guide us through dark days. There are three quotes that haves helped me through the pandemic so far. Please check out my three quotes and I hope you will share some of your favorites with me. 0:00 Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot. Just a 50 something who enjoys talking about life, love, and a host of other topics. You know I've been a fan of words, my entire life. My dad used to read to me when I was a little girl, and I could not wait until I learned to myself. Words are extremely powerful. Some days, the only thing that helps me get through the day are words or more specifically, quotes. Tonight I'm sharing three quotes that have kept me afloat during this pandemic. I hope they will inspire you as they do me. I'm sharing specific instances of where the quotes came to the rescue. If you feel inclined, please leave me a voicemail and share some of your favorite quotes, I would love to hear them. So the first quote is, don't miss out on something great, because it can be difficult. I got this quote from Conscious Magazine. When I made the decision to move during the pandemic, this quote was quite helpful. I truly believe that misery can be comfortable in a way, because it's familiar. 1:15 I was absolutely miserable in my apartment. This sometimes gated community, child I say sometimes because the gates often didn't work became overrun with some pretty unsavory characters during the pandemic. The building changed hands several times within the space of my last year in that domain. There was a buffet of assorted noises that cropped up nightly right when my head hit the pillow. I was incredibly sleep deprived for nine months. The offending noises ranged from people arguing outside my second floor bedroom window, to deep bass drops from someone's car stereo. My secluded haven was no more. Then,there was the issue of marijuana being smoked by my downstairs neighbor. I have never smoked marijuana, but the stench invaded my nostrils frequently several times a week. By way of my neighbor. I questioned how I could possibly move, and then one more sleepless night led me to the question of how could I possibly not? There was a place I had my eye on, and I was determined not to let the difficulty of moving dissuade me from taking the leap of faith. The move was executed in three phases. First, I got rid of all the furniture that didn't make the cut to be in my new place, wonderful people from my church volunteered to help. Then, my amazing brother, eldest son and nephew, moved my packed materials to the new place. Finally, my youngest son did clean up detail, keeping the number of interactions small and in phases was difficult. In times past I would have completed all of the steps to the move in one day, but this is the age of Corona. There are no words to describe how happy I am today in my new place. There is serenity and the only sounds I hear frequently are birds singing outside my window. No marijuana smoke is invading my nostrils and life is pretty great. The move was difficult, but it was worth it. 3:30 The next quote I want to talk about is when you train your eyes to see the magic and miracles in the little things you open the door for your whole life to shift. This is a quote by Carol Woodliff. I think of this as a gift, and I put that in quotes. A gift of the pandemic was that I was able to take time and get off the hamster wheel. I liken it to the person 3:55 PLEASE FAST FORWARD. who didn't know they couldn't see well, until they got glasses. Suddenly, there was a realization that you were not seeing everything as clearly as possible. This was pre pandemic. My days were a constant blur of being in traffic for hours going to and from work. It was not uncommon to spend two and a half hours, or three, each way, going to work, and coming home. When my work morphed into working from home, something...
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