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Have you ever noticed how your thoughts can dramatically affect your emotions and actions? There's profound truth in the biblical wisdom "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7) – a principle now validated by modern psychological research.When negative thought patterns take hold, they create what therapists call "cognitive distortions" or what I like to call "stinking thinking." These distorted thought patterns can fuel depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental health challenges. The good news? You don't have to remain captive to these harmful thoughts. By recognizing these patterns and applying biblical principles, you can experience remarkable transformation in your mindset and emotional wellbeing.In this episode, I walk through the top ten cognitive distortions that commonly plague our thinking – from all-or-nothing thinking and overgeneralization to emotional reasoning and personalization. I pair each distortion with powerful Scripture that offers a pathway to renewed thinking. We explore how Romans 12:2 calls us to be "transformed by the renewing of your mind," and how 2 Corinthians 10:5 encourages us to "take every thought captive." These aren't just spiritual platitudes but practical tools for mental health.Remember, your past pain doesn't have to dictate your future. As I often tell my clients, "Do not let your pain become your idol." Instead, let God use that pain as a launching point for a meaningful, purposeful life. Whether you're personally struggling with depression or supporting someone who is, this episode offers both compassionate understanding and practical strategies for moving forward. For additional resources, check out my book "Getting a Grip on Depression" available on my website, and remember – you are fearfully and wonderfully made, valued and loved by the God who created you.Let John know what you think!
Depression doesn't discriminate—even among the faithful. Exploring the often-taboo intersection of Christianity and depression, this episode tackles the persistent question many believers struggle with: Can a Christian experience depression?The answer is a resounding yes. Drawing from scripture, professional experience, and personal struggle, I unpack how approximately 7.6 million Christians in America silently battle depression while facing the added burden of stigma within their faith communities. This stigma creates a painful paradox where those who most need support feel unable to seek it without judgment or shame.Depression manifests across multiple dimensions of human experience. Cognitively, it creates brain fog and difficulty concentrating. Emotionally, it weighs down the spirit with persistent sadness. Behaviorally, it leads to withdrawal from activities and relationships that once brought joy. Physically, it disrupts sleep, appetite, and overall wellbeing. For Christians specifically, depression often adds a fifth dimension—spiritual struggle—where prayers feel unanswered and God's presence seems distant despite intellectual understanding of His love.As both a therapist with over 65,000 clinical hours and someone who has personally wrestled with depression, I share insights from my recently re-released book "Getting a Grip on Depression." This episode marks the beginning of a five-part series offering practical, proven tools for understanding and overcoming depression while maintaining faith. Through it all, we're reminded of the hope found in Psalm 42:11: "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God." Even in our darkest moments, God's presence remains constant, offering the light that guides us toward healing.If you've ever felt alone in your struggle with depression as a believer, this episode affirms your experience and offers a pathway forward that honors both your faith and your need for comprehensive support. Subscribe to join me on this journey toward resilience and renewed hope.Fan Mail Text Space
What colors paint your mental landscape? Are they vibrant and life-giving, or dull and limiting? In this thought-provoking exploration of mindset, John Thurman weaves ancient wisdom and modern psychological research to offer a uniquely Christian perspective on personal growth and transformation.Drawing from the profound words of Marcus Aurelius that "your soul takes on the color of your thoughts," alongside biblical warnings against double-mindedness, Thurman creates a compelling case for developing what psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck calls a "growth mindset." He contrasts the limitations of a fixed mindset—believing talents and abilities are static—with the liberating perspective that we can grow through effort, learning, and perseverance.The episode walks listeners through biblical examples of growth mindset in action, from Deborah's courageous leadership and David's journey from shepherd to king, to Ruth's risk-taking adventure and Peter's remarkable transformation after his failures. These stories illuminate how faith and psychological principles complement our spiritual development.Most valuably, Thurman provides ten practical, actionable strategies for cultivating a growth mindset within a Christian framework. These range from embracing spiritual growth as a lifelong journey and viewing challenges as opportunities to journaling insights and actively engaging with a church community. Each strategy is grounded in scripture while incorporating evidence-based approaches to mindset transformation.Ready to break free from limiting beliefs and experience the vibrant colors of transformed thinking? Subscribe to John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast and discover how aligning your mindset with biblical truth can revolutionize your personal life, relationships, and faith.Link to Morning with Monette, "From Victim to Victor Mindset"Link to John's Blog "10 Ways You Can Develop a Growth Mindset"Fan Mail Text Space
Discover powerful tools that combine enduring faith, post-traumatic growth, and neuroplasticity to transform trauma and trials into triumph through rewiring your brain.• Faith serves as a powerful tool guiding us through difficult times, illuminating hope when facing challenges• Post-traumatic growth allows individuals to not just recover from trauma but experience meaningful life changes• Neuroplasticity represents the brain's ability to adapt and reorganize even after traumatic events• Resilience has evolved beyond just bouncing back—it's about leveraging experiences to find purpose in pain• Spiritual practices like prayer, Bible study, and community support are conducive to healing and transformation• Avoiding making trauma an idol is crucial—recognize it, address the pain, and move forward• Personal testimony shared about working as a chaplain in a burn unit while processing brother's death• Integrating faith principles with post-traumatic growth creates opportunities for spiritual and emotional change• Mindset matters—understanding the difference between victim mindset and victorious mindsetCheck the show notes for a special Bible study resource to help rewire your brain using Scripture, available on my website. Join me next week as we discuss the difference between closed and open mindsets for experiencing growth.Link to ArticleFan Mail Text Space
We explore how understanding brain function can unlock a growth mindset and enhance spiritual resilience, beginning with five brain basics that affect our thinking patterns.• Our brains are naturally negative with a "negativity bias" that makes us Velcro for bad experiences and Teflon for good ones• The brain constantly scans for danger, which helps survival but can create unnecessary anxiety• Worry becomes habitual when we allow our brains to amplify stress and focus on what could go wrong• Our minds dislike uncertainty and fill in knowledge gaps with assumptions based on past experiences• We crave predictability and need strategies to handle unexpected situations effectively• Romans 12:2 offers a biblical framework for transforming our thinking patterns• Philippians 4:6-9 provides practical guidance for managing anxiety and directing our thoughts positivelyLink to Blog: How to Build a Growth Mindset Pt# 1Join me next time as we continue this series on developing a growth mindset. If you'd like to learn more, visit johnthurman.net or covertmercy.com or email me at john@covertmercy.com.Fan Mail Text Space
Have you ever wondered why some people bounce back stronger from life's harshest blows while others feel stuck and broken? Tune into our latest episode of the Resilient Solutions Shortcast, where I will unpack the four primary ways we react to trauma, adversity, and challenges. Drawing from my experience as an Army Chaplain, Licensed Mental Health Professional, and Crisis Response Specialist, I offer a unique lens on resilience. Inspired by Dr. W. Lee Warren's transformative book "Hope, the First Dose," this episode delves into the emotional turmoil and psychological barriers we face in times of crisis, providing you with practical tools to navigate these stormy waters.Join me as I explore the concept of "crashers"—those who find it challenging to regain their footing after traumatic events—and how these reactions intersect with the disorders discussed in "The Character Edge." You'll gain a deeper understanding of the patterns that lead to emotional numbness and learn strategies to break free from them. With the support of expert insights and research, this discussion is designed to equip you with the knowledge and strength to face adversity head-on. Walk away with not just hope but a robust toolkit to foster resilience in your personal life, relationships, and faith.Link to Blog: 4 Responses to Tragedy, Trauma and AdversityFan Mail Text Space
Send us a textResilience is a complex journey that intertwines the ability to bounce back from adversity, experience personal growth, and foster a sense of community and purpose. This episode illuminates the evolving understanding of resilience and its vital role in overcoming trauma, rooted in psychological research and biblical principles. • Evolution of resilience as a concept over decades • Importance of personal experiences in understanding resilience • Introductory definitions of resilience, resistance, and post-traumatic growth • Role of community and shared purpose in recovery • Connection to biblical examples of resilience • The potential for growth and healing after traumaLinks to Resources:Link to my Blog: How to Expand Your Resilience in 2025Link to "High Hopes" by Frank SinatraFirst, a Dose of Hope by Dr. W. Lee WarrenDr. Marty Seligman's three books bundle: Authentic Happiness, Learned Optimism, and Flourish - Amazon Special.
Send us a textDiscover how debunking common myths can breathe new life into your marriage. Join me, John Thurman, as we tackle the widespread misconception that thriving relationships hinge on shared interests. It's not about forcing hobbies but about meaningful engagement with your partner. We also shed light on the idea that a peaceful relationship is inherently superior, revealing how well-managed arguments can actually foster growth and communication. Lastly, find out why venting every emotion unchecked might not be as healthy as it seems; instead, learn ways to express feelings constructively.This episode promises a fresh perspective on building resilient and fulfilling relationships with candid insights and practical advice. By reevaluating these myths, couples can embrace each other's unique qualities, navigate disagreements positively, and foster genuine companionship. Personal anecdotes and actionable tips provide listeners with strategies to enhance their relationship dynamics and strengthen their bond. Tune in for an enlightening conversation that encourages understanding and growth in your partnership.Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 1Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 2Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 3Marriage Makeover: Six Exciting Ways to Energize Your Marriage, Blog5 Ways to Improve Your Relationship, Blog
Send us a textThis episode debunks three critical marriage myths: that great relationships don't require sexual intimacy, that a marriage can't survive a flawed partner, and that there's a singular right way to navigate a relationship. The conversation emphasizes acknowledging intimacy, embracing imperfections, and creating personalized paths to strengthen marriages. • Discusses the significance of sexual intimacy in relationships • Emphasizes the importance of accepting each other's flaws and vulnerabilities • Debunks the myth of a 'one right way' to handle relationships • Encourages creativity in developing unique relational practices • Suggests practical actions to strengthen intimacy and connection
Send us a textUnlock the secrets to fighting fairly in your marriage and learn how to communicate effectively with your partner. Join me, John Thurman, as I share ten proven tips to help you and your spouse handle conflicts constructively. Drawing from over five decades of marriage and insights from Dr. John Gottman's research, we tackle the common pitfalls in relationships where conflicts are recurrent and often unsolvable. Learn how to keep disputes private, prioritize solvable issues, and protect your children from emotional harm while building a more resilient and loving partnership. Ever wonder why specific phrases can escalate an argument faster than a wildfire? Discover why words like "you never" or "you always" are best left unsaid and how staying on point can transform your disagreements into productive conversations. With actionable strategies, we'll explore how active listening and maintaining respect can bridge the gap between misunderstanding and connection. Plus, find out why taking a break during heated moments isn't just okay—it's necessary for conflict resolution. Equip yourself with the tools to differentiate between solvable and unsolvable issues, ensuring your energy is directed towards building a stronger, more resilient relationship.Check out the article5 Ways to Improve Your Relationship, Blog
Send us a textWe explore practical strategies to enhance intimacy in marriage, discussing the importance of trust, communication, and connection. Couples can reignite their passion and strengthen their bond with ten actionable tips. • Understanding the reality of no-sex marriages • The essential role of communication in intimacy • Importance of giving full attention • Acknowledging and encouraging positive attributes • Being assertive without being critical • Avoiding the critique trap in conversations • Listening to understand rather than judge • Practicing active listening techniques • Skipping the blame game and taking mutual responsibility • Managing conflict effectively • Seeking help when needed and knowing when to pause When you sign up for my newsletter, you'll receive my 2025 stress-busting strategies list for free.Here is a link to the article Ignite Your Passion: 10 Ways to Boost Intimacy
Can you imagine what your marriage would look like if you stopped believing in relationship myths that only hold you back? Join me, John Thurman, as we unravel some of the most pervasive misconceptions that could be affecting your relationship dynamics. In this episode, I debunk three common myths about marriage, including the idea that genuinely understanding your spouse is a one-time achievement and that perfect romance is a constant in significant relationships. We'll explore how cultural narratives, generational influences, and social media shape these myths while sharing how embracing differences can fortify your partnership. You'll gain practical insights and timeless biblical wisdom to nurture a more genuine and resilient connection with your partner.With the guidance of principles from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we delve into patience, kindness, and resilience — essential ingredients for enduring love. Reflect on these attributes as we discuss how they can transform your approach to conflicts and everyday challenges in your relationship. By acknowledging and moving past these myths, you can find joy and gratitude in each day shared with your spouse. Don't forget to visit my website, johnthurman.net, for additional resources and insights. Check out my blog, linked in the show notes, for a more in-depth discussion on the topics covered in this episode.Here is a link to the article Revitalize Your Marriage Pt#1Sign up for my email list, join our community, and receive your 2025 Stress-Busting Strategies.
stopWhat Makes Resolutions Work?Have you ever noticed how easy it is to make resolutions but how tough it can be to keep them? According to one survey, 23% of people will quit their resolution by the end of the first week, and 43% will quit by the end of January. Why does this happen? One reason is that people fail to connect their goals to a more profound sense of purpose. By linking your resolutions to our faith, we are more likely to make them happen. When you and I view our resolutions through the lens of faith, we can focus on what matters. Goals rooted in our spiritual values tend to resonate more deeply. For example, if you desire to improve your health, consider how a healthier lifestyle will enhance your relationships with family members. Setting Faith-Based ResolutionsSpiritual GoalsHealth and Wellness GoalsFinancial GoalsPersonal GrowthStrengthening RelationshipsBuilding Resilience with Your GoalsStay FlexibleSeek SupportEmbrace SetbacksPractice GratitudeRead the article
Do you ever struggle with your faith? I have, and after you read How to Forge a Resilient Faith, you will have additional tools in your faith toolbox.Here are the Six Principles of a Resilient Faith:The First Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is to Demonstrate Active Optimism or a Vibrant Faith.The Second Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is Taking Decisive ActionThe Third Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is to be Guided by God's WordThe Fourth Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is TenacityThe Fifth Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is Personal ResponsibilityThe Sixth Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is to Understand the Importance of Interpersonal SupportHere is a link to the Blog
One of the questions I ask many clients is, “What is your purpose or mission in life?”The inquiry usually leads to a pause, and they often say, “I've never been asked that question before.” If they have a church background, they say something like, “To love and serve God” or “To get married and raise a family.” But for the most part, they lack a personal mission statement or a clearly defined purpose. They usually need more focus, and a specific point to aim for.Focus is essential to living an intentional life because it allows us to be mindful of our actions and make decisions that serve our highest purpose. When we focus on doing what is necessary for growth, transformation, and success, we can create a more meaningful existence for ourselves.To learn moreJohn Thurmanwww.johnthurman.info505-343-2011
Watch out for anger.Get closer to your partner. Be creative in finding ways to support your partner and grow your relationship.Integrate fun, special days into your routine.For Guys only - get off the couch and engage with your wife.By the way, be sure to download my 21 Ways to Improve Your Marriage ebook.Here is a link to the entire article.
Here are the 4 Tips - Be sure to check out the entire article to learn the right way to encourage your kids.Tip# 1 - Model ResilienceTip# 2 - Raise a Problem SolverTip# 4 - Praise Your Child Purposefully and IntentionallyTip# 4- Set the Pace, be the Example because these life skills are more caught than taught.
In the last episode, I discussed 4 points:1. We need to help our children become treasure hunters and not trash collectors.2. We want to teach and model optimism to our kids, and show them how being made in God's image can make a positive difference in the world.3. You and I want to encourage our kids to do their best and to achieve what they can while helping others.4. We want to remind them that failure is not final, only an opportunity to learn and do better.In part two, of this episode, I cover the remaining three points about raising resilient kids.1. Both teach and model the importance of living a life of integrity.2. Show your children the importance of taking full responsibility for their actions.3. Help them understand the power of community and connection.Link to the articleNext Week: 4 Practical, Proven Strategies to Build Your Child's Resilience and Improved Their Self-Esteem.Contact info: www.johnthurman.infoOffice: 505-343-2011
Point # 1There are two basic types of people in the world—those who edify and build up and those who detract and tear down. Choose to be the former. One of our goals as caring adults is to teach our kids that the best way to develop a happy, intentional, successful life is through their achievements and contributions toward the betterment of others. Point # 2We have to teach our kids to be optimists and believe that as individuals created in the image of God, they have the creative power to make a difference in this world. Point # 3Seeking to achieve in your personal life and contribute to the betterment of others is not an easy path.“Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.”Robert Kennedy.We must both model and teach our children that anything worth doing or having is worth potentially failing for.Point # 4How do we operationally define failure? First, failure is never final. We must instill in our children that failure is not a lack of achievement. Failure is determined by the lack of effort or refusal to try. Life is filled with scary and sometimes tough decisions; they need to learn how to make the best decisions given the information they have at a given moment.Don't allow decision constipation to steal your capacity to make wise, life-enriching decisions. Refuse to become a victim of failure. “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”The Apostle Paul – Philippians 3:14 ESVLink to article
A recent Pew Research study has shown that 76% of parents are concerned about their children's mental health, particularly depression, and anxiety. This is a worrying figure, as it indicates that many parents are unaware of the signs and symptoms of depression in their children. Parents need to understand how to recognize if their child is depressed or suicidal so that they can get the help they need.In mid-February, numerous news outlets reported an alarming number of teens are feeling depressed and suicidal, and teen girls are at the highest riskAccording to a CDC Report reported by FOX News, released earlier this year:Fifty-seven percent of high school females reported feeling sadness or hopelessness in 2021, a 58 percent increase from 36 percent in 2011.Thirty percent of females seriously considered attempting suicide in 2021, an almost 60 percent increase from 19 percent in 2011.Twenty-four percent of females made a suicide plan in 2021, a 60 percent increase from 15 percent in 2011.How would you know if your teen is depressed? Listen, read, and learn!Learn more by reading the entire article with links
ResistanceResistance is essentially stress inoculation. It refers to the ability of an individual, group, organization, or even an entire population to resist manifestations of clinical distress, impairment, or dysfunction associated with critical incidents, terrorism, and even mass disasters. Resistance is a form of psychological/behavioral immunity to distress and dysfunction.ResilienceThe second is resilience. According to Dr. George Bonanno, resilience is a naturally-occurring tool most people have always had in their psychological lockers, which is enhanced or weakened by experience and circumstances. In a nutshell, resilience is the power to overcome adversity, trauma, and low self-esteem and to be strengthened.My friend, trauma survivor, and fellow author Danielle Bernock says, “To be resilient is the ability to thrive instead of being traumatized.”5 Tips for Dealing with TraumaTip # 1 – Supervise your self-talk.Tip # 2 – Stop comparing yourself to others.Tip#3 – Stretch your limiting beliefs.Tip # 4 – Build up others.Tip# 5 – Get help.Here is a link to the blogBlessings,John Thurmanwww.johnthurman.infoEmail: john@johnthurman.infoUpcoming Events with JohnFeb 26th - Dealing with Anxiety - Sunday, February 26th @ Grace Church 9:00 and 10:30 am. Church is located @ 6901 San Antonio NE, ABQ. This is a public eventMarch 3rd and 5th - Marriage and Family Conference - Evangel Christian Center 4901 Montgomery Blvd NE, here is the link. This is a public event.March 25th - Book Signing - Bibles Plus 2740 Wyoming NE Times TBAApril 1st - Mental Health for Church Security Teams - Private event
Every one of us has been injured by life. How to Deal with Old Wounds: A Biblical Perspective is the first of a three-part series to give you some tools to help you become more resilient as you work through life's challenges with the Lord's help.Four Reasons Men Don't Deal with WoundsThere are several reasons but in this article, I will focus on four common reasons that men struggle with their wounds.First, culture has trained us to believe that real men don't cry.Second, masculinity is under pressure. Current cultural nuances and the innuendos of “toxic masculinity” in the media have scared our daughters and caused many young men to fail to embrace their masculinity.Third, sadly, some men feel that church life is irrelevant to their needs.Fourth, because many men don't have a support system, many will bury their woundedness. The result is various addictive behaviors, drugs, gaming, sexual addictions, food, pleasure, drinking, and even hyper-religious involvement. For many men, if this woundedness is not addressed, it will significantly negatively impact their lives and relationships.Food for ThoughtC.S. Lewis once wrote, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains…[Pain] is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”- C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain.The Lord is more concerned with our character than our comfort; at times, He chooses to use calamity to refine us.Link to the Blog
There are three final stages in How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt 2: the Lover Stage, the King Stage, and the Sage Stage.The Lover StageThe lover needs the warrior to act decisively and restrain his passions.The lover stage (the 20s to 30s) is the awakening of the heart. This could manifest as a love of poetry, nature, music…and eventually romance.This is the stage in which men learn how to love themselves by loving others. It can also deepen your awareness of how you are created in God's image.There are two extremes of lovers we need to look at before we move on.The addicted lover becomes consumed by short-term pleasure at almost any cost. This person is a collector of experiences, women, and toys. The addicted lover resists structure and pursues pleasure.The impotent lover lives in a muted world. His world may be void of color and flavor.The King StageIn the king stage (age 40-60), the man is mature, centered, and decisive. He lives with integrity and purpose. He protects his realm and serves his community.Read the entire article
How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt # 1: The first three stages.When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Corinthians 13:11 NLTTo grow as a man of faith, you must understand the stages of masculine development. This is the first part of a series that will show you a map as you continue your journey.A man of faith is someone with a sense of purpose. He knows he has a life mission and understands what it means to be a man. This understanding comes from his faith, but it also comes from the relationships he has with others. He understands a well-lived life is in the context of a community.A Christian man is a man made in the image of God. If married, he is responsible for being the head of his home and leading his family. He is a man who is faithful to his wife and children, and he makes time for them every day. A Christian man is a man who knows he is created for greatness, but instead of chasing after it, he chooses to live humbly as an example to others.In this article, my heart desires to encourage you to be the man God called you to be. To help you to become a God-loving, courageous, resilient man with an enhanced ability to lead, love, serve, and leave a legacy in this world. To do this, I will review one roadmap to understanding some developmental markers we men face.As with any "journey," there must be a starting place. Here is an overview of the process.The Beloved SonThe Cowboy StageThe Warrior StageHere are four general things about a real warrior, whether single or married. 1. A warrior is trained 2. A warrior is humble 3. A warrior is accustomed to sacrifice 4. A warrior is connected to othersRead the articleJohn Thurmanjohn@johnthurman.info505-343-2011www.johnthurman.net
Here are the Four Ways:1. What are the results you are seeking?2. What measurable actions are you going to take?3. What is Your timeline?4. What is your motivation for doing this?Here is a link to the entire article.
Here is a link to the blog;Happy Thanksgiving!
This is the second in the How to be a Man of Faith in Today's World series, where we will examine the second half of Dr. Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules of Life as well as some important scriptural concepts to remember as you and I seek to be the men God has called us to be.Summary:7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).8. Tell the truth. Or at least don't lie. 9. Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don't. 10. Be precise in your speech. 11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding. 12. Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street.Link to my blog
There was a time in recent history when masculinity came with a clear purpose of being a provider-protector (e.g., warrior, contributor, sole breadwinner). Many of us grew up imprinted that men are designed to serve. We are to serve our family, church, the Lord, community, and nation. We were raised with a sense of mission and a sense of purpose. Today, according to Warren Farrell (The Boy Crisis 2018), “Many men are experiencing a purpose void.” Young and old alike seem to be wandering through life without a sense of mission. Due to multiple factors that, for the sake of space, will not be covered in this article.In my coaching and work-life mentoring practice, one of the alarming shifts I have seen in the past ten years is the sense that many men seem clueless about their roles, purpose, and mission. I believe the Scriptures guide us clearly on what it means to be a man. I hope you and I will be challenged to look at where we are in our lives and “get back on mission” if we need to.As I begin this series, I will give you a rapid overview of his first major best-selling book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos. Don't be surprised if these remind you of some of the original values of the Boy and Girl Scouts. The bullet points are his; the commentary is mine.Here are the first 6 Rules, be sure to check out all of this blog.Stand Up Straight and hold your shoulders back.Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for.Befriend people who want the best for you.Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.Don't let your kids do anything that makes you dislike them.Get your own house in order before you criticize others.Get in touch with John. Call: 505-343-2011, email john@johnthurman.info, or send him a message at www.johnthurman.info
Laughter is a powerful tool that can have long-term positive effects on your health. It can improve your mood, relieve pain and infuse you with hope. Laughter has the power to enhance your autoimmune system and decrease the risk of heart disease. It can also reduce stress and anxiety, help with depression, lower blood pressure, and increase the production of endorphins which make you happy.Benefits of Laughter:It connects you with othersIt can smooth out differencesIt strengthens and promotes resilienceIt increases energy and helps your body relaxI can refresh your perspectiveIt increases productivityHere is a link to the articleHere are some links to some great laughs!Michael JrSmall FryTim HawkinsDr. Dennis SwanbergChonda PierceKen DavisAnita RenfroeContact John Thurman. john@johnthurman.info or call 505-343-2011
In this episode, you will be able to identify your "Dad style" and learn how to be a better dad using Faith-Friendly Tools.Dad TypesThe Distant or Passive DadThe Angry, Abusive DadThe Inconsistent DadThe Dependent DadThe Overindulging DadThe Balanced and Engaged DadThe Eight Traits of a Growing Christian DadThey are learning how to love their wife and kidsThey are learning to lead their familiesThey are working on being better communicatorsThey provide for their familiesThey actively pursue wisdom and insight on becoming a better man and family leader. They provide age-appropriate correction and edification to their children They demonstrate grace by being ready to extend and receive forgiveness They demonstrate love toward their wife.Here is the link to the article
Why Dads Are Important1. School Achievement. Grades are better when dd is around.2. The 3 Rs. The more involved his dad is, the more significant the boy's increase in verbal intelligence and the better both boys' and girls' math and quantitative abilities are.3. School Dropout Rates. The more years children spend with no or minimal father involvement, the fewer years of school they complete.4. Employment. While boys from two-parent homes are two times more likely to be employed as young adults.5. Suicide. Living in a home without a dad correlates more with suicide among children and teenagers than any other factor.6. Drugs. Father involvement is at least five times more important in preventing drugs than any other influence. In addition, it is a more potent determining factor than the child's gender, ethnicity, or social class.7. Homelessness. Around 90 percent of runaways and homeless youths are from fatherless homes.8. Bullying. The American Psychological Association found in its 153 studies that father absence predicts the profile of both the bully and the bullied: poor self-esteem, poor grades, and poor social skills.9. Victimization. Children between ten and seventeen living without their biological dad were likelier to be victims of child abuse, significant violence, sexual assault, and domestic violence.10. Violent Crimes. Every 1 percent increase in fatherlessness in a neighborhood predicts a 3 percent increase in adolescent violence.11. Rape. Among rapists specifically assessed as raping out of anger or rage, 85percent came from father-absent homes.12. Power and Mobility. Children born poor and raised by both married parents have an 80 percent chance of moving into the middle class or above; conversely, children born into the middle class and raised without a married dad were almost four times more likely to end up less fortunate.13. Trust. The more contact children have with their dads, the more quickly they make open, receptive, and trusting contact with new people in their lives.14. Empathy. The amount of time a father spends with a child is one of the strongest predictors of the child's ability to empathize in adulthood.[i] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25518696/Source: The Boy Crisis Check out the blog
According to the March 1-3, Harris Poll, the annual “Stress in America” survey found that more American adults rated inflation and the Russia-Ukraine situation as major stressors than any other issue in the poll's entire 15-year history.American adults reported feeling emotionally overwhelmed and fatigued, with 87% agreeing it “feels like there has been a constant stream of crises without a break for the past two years.”What is the Antidote?Gratitude is the thankful appreciation of things received, whether tangible or intangible. It helps you and me connect with something outside ourselves, often transcendent and more extensive than we are. Being grateful for people and other blessings makes me more content and helps me rewire my brain to be more optimistic.Expressing gratitude is probably the most effective way to push fear, anxiety, and sadness out of your mind and replace it with good things.Here are four benefits of actively expressing gratitude.Here are the four benefits of actively expressing gratitudeThankfulness will boost your immune system, helping your body fight off infection.Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.Thankfulness develops resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.So, what are some gratefulness exercises you can begin today to build your resilience, improve your health, and lower your stress?Here are five ways you can use gratitude as a powerful stress buster.Read More
Here are four critical justifications for listening to your wife's input to accept her influence.1. Her insights will most likely give you increased clarity. Women generally are more mindful of details, intuitive concerning the feelings of others, and may be in tune with certain unique aspects of a given situation. Her particular views might add a refreshing richness and depth to your perspective.2. Accepting her influence will enhance your wisdom. I honestly wished I'd caught on to this early in our marriage. The Old Testament book of Proverbs is filled with truth about the difference between being a person of wisdom or a “fool.” As you read through the 31 chapters, you will discover a few important themes. One of the primary themes is a willingness to listen. When you and I listen to our wives, we honor her and our Creator, and we grow in wisdom. Disregard her input, and you could be acting like a fool.3. Listening to and accepting her influence will enhance multiple levels of intimacy. Connecting through solid communication does for your marriage what breathing does for your body. When your wife is talking with you and sharing her day, she is craving a way to connect with you on multiple levels. Her need for meaningful communication is as strong as your need for sexual intimacy.4. When you listen, you are making love to your wife. When you engage or even genuinely attempt to engage with your wife, you let her know she is loved, valued, cherished, and secure. When you can do this, she can feel drawn to you in a more profound way.Read the entire articleJohn Thurman M.Div., M.A., LPCCwww.johnthurman.infojohn@johnthurman.info504-343-2011Get your free copy of Dr. John Gottaman's How to Build Fondness and Admiration by texting the word Admire to 33777.
The ability to accept your spouse's influence means that you welcome and respect your spouse's thoughts, ideas, impressions, insights, and feelings. Doing this allows them to help you make decisions that impact you, your family, and your relationship.When you accept their influence, you acknowledge that your spouse has a valid point of view and that you value it. It demonstrates that you are open-minded and welcome the valuable insight they bring to the marriage. Accepting their advice and influence demonstrates that they are essential, and their input is important, even when we disagree.Before reviewing the 5 ways to enrich your communications with your wife, let's take a moment to compare health and unhealthy influence.First, do a gut check. Are you trying to score a personal victory or come up with a joint resolution?Second, listen with consideration to your partner's point of view. After all, the Scripture reminds us:Third, remember this vital relational point: the more influence you accept, the more influential you become.Fourth, actively look for ways to say “yes.” Fifth, extend grace. First, do a gut check. Are you trying to score a personal victory or come up with a joint resolution?Second, listen with consideration to your partner's point of view. After all, the Scripture reminds us: My dearest brothers and sisters, take this to heart: Be quick to listen but slow to speak. And be slow to become angry, for human anger is never a legitimate tool to promote God's righteous purpose. James 1:19 The Passion TranslationThird, remember this vital relational point: the more influence you accept, the more influential you become.Fourth, actively look for ways to say “yes.” Fifth, extend grace.LINK to Article John Thurman505-343-2011john@johnthurman.infowww.johnthurman.info
Respect His judgmentShow Respect for His AbilitiesBe Respectful in CommunicationDemonstrate Respect in PublicHere is the link to the entire article.To receive Dr. John Gottman's free resource: How to Build Fondness and Admiration in YOur Relationship just text the word ADMIRE to 33777. Give us your email and we will send you this relationship enriching pdf.
First, love her, honor her, and respect her. The vows used for centuries have stood the test of time because they are correct.Second, be sexually and emotionally faithful to her.Third, listen to her without being judgmental.Fourth, be as attentive, fun-loving, and adoring as you were during courtship or close to It.Fifth, be more affectionate.Sixth, support and nurture her ambitions in and outside the home.Seventh, try to understand how she is different emotionally.Eighth, be honest, and always do what you say you will do.Ninth, share in childcare and domestic work.Tenth, do what you need to do to make her feel special.Eleventh, maintain your appearance!Twelfth, take the initiative and coordinate some “us time” getaways.Action Plan:Focus on the benefits of marriage, not the day-to-day frustrations.Show your wife the same traits that make you valuable as an employee: focus, discipline, reliability, devotion, loyalty, stability, intelligence, and flexibility.Be determined to get better at this job of being a husband.Learn from your mistakes, and don't get your eyes stuck in the rearview mirror of regrets.Commit yourself to the mission and responsibilities of your marital job description and reassess your progress as you go along.For those of you who are Christ-followers, “Love your wife as Christ loves the Church” (Ephesians 5:25).Link to the articleWant a free guide on how to Build Fondness and Admiration, as well as join my email list?just text the word ADMIRE to 33777Blessings,Johnwww:johnthurman.infoOffice: 505-343-2011
One of the keys to having a resilient, long-lasting marriage is to do what you can to make sure your wife feels good about your relationship.Do you know the 6 needs of a happy wife?1. Women need love.2. Women are emotional.3. Women want security.4. She doesn't want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen.5. “She doesn't want much sex” does not mean “She must not want me.”6. She wants to look attractive.Click here for the entire articleFeel free to contact me: 505=343-2011. email john@johnthurman.info
Marriage is many things, but it is not a Hallmark movie. Whatever romantic notions we might have, real-life always involves more than an hour and a half of easily-resolved conflicts amid harvest festivals or Christmas baking contests. Marriage is both glorious and challenging. A marriage can be a place of burning passion, extreme joy, and strength, and it can also be blood, sweat, and tears. There are seasons of humbling defeats and exhilarating victories. I should know—my wife and I cross the 50th Anniversary mark this August!Let's face it, very few movies or television shows reveal the reality of marriage. It's a mystery.I think the Apostle Paul hit the nail on the head in the New Testament book of Ephesians. Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great mystery of Christ and his church. Eph 5:32 TPT (emphasis mine)C.S. Lewis provides some deeper understanding in his book, The Four Loves:“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”Marriage is two flawed individuals coming together to create a space of stability, love, comfort, and support: a haven in a heartless world.As an individual with fifty years of experience in my first marriage and as a therapist and relationship coach, I believe when a couple accepts this reality, it enhances their hope, expectations, and faith.The hard truth is we are all broken, and no one is genuinely compatible with marriage. Furthermore, any two people who enter marriage are spiritually broken, which among other things, means they are intrinsically self-centered.Timothy Keller clarifies the significance of true love:“Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God's saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God's mercy and grace.”CHECK OUT THE ENTIRE ARTICLE>
Americans are facing epic shifts in inflation and an unprecedented rise in gas prices!Researchers with the American Psychological Association report an 80% increase in stress and anxiety due to the current worldwide crisis with the Russian unfounded invasion of Ukraine.The Scriptures teach us to "cast all of our fear and anxiety on the Lord." 1 Peter 5:7In today's show, I reveal how to reframe FEAR and Anxiety by using a proven method that comes from my Cognitive Behavior Therapy training and finding ways to blend biblical principles with modern psychology. So much of our anxiety and fear can be managed and defeated by using existing, proven tools and biblical resources.One of my former teachers you to say that fear means Forget Everything And RunMy Mneumonic for FEAR, which is more of a resilience response isFaceEverythingAnd RiseHow will you face fear?Here is a link to the article.Do you have 14 minutes to learn a new skill? You can access my free training by simply texting the word Brain Tricks to 33777. You will be prompted to enter your email, once confirmed you will receive a link to the mini-class.Check my books: Get a Grip on Depression and The No Fear Entrepreneur
3 Ways to Overcome the Dragons of Fear and AnxietyChange Your Perspective On Fear Fear is only harmful if you think it is. Fear is a natural process that, if left unchecked, will cause us to live timid, restricted lives. Truthfully, in life, there is zero growth without risk. So instead of pushing back fear as an all-consuming, nerve-racking experience, see it as an adventure, a journey that will take you out of your comfort zone and into a whole new life, bringing a sense of joy and adventure. If you have ever conquered a fear, you know it can be exhilarating. So why not try to scare yourself just a little today? You might like the outcome.Adjust Your Perspective On Risk The honest taproot for many of our fears about trying something new is the possibility of failure. What if I get rejected? What if I lose? Well, you could. But you will never know until you try. If you don't take the risk, you are guaranteed to fail.Maybe it's time for you to update your risk criteria. Act with Courage Teddy Roosevelt put it this way: “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”[ii] Read the articleFor more information on John's Counseling and Worklife Consulting go to: www.johnthurman.infoFor information about Resilient Solutions International, click hereCheck out John's Books: Get a Grip on Depression and The No-Fear Entrepreneur
The Rise of Anxiety and Depression in AdultsThe rates of depression and anxiety among U.S. adults skyrocketed alarmingly to about four times higher between April 2020 and August 2021 from 2019.Anxiety: 7.4-8.6%, January-December 2019 28.2-37.2%, April 2020-August 2021[i]Depression: 5.9-7.5%, January-December 2019 20.2-31.1%, April 2020-August 2022[ii]While this article is primarily concerned with adults, there are some sobering statistics about young people as well. Take a minute to read these articles about how you can help kids: Talking to Kids About the Coronavirus published by Focus on the Family.Young People Hit Hardest By Loneliness And Depression During Covid-19 from Forbes.Nine Ways to Practice Self-Care1. Get your horizontal and vertical relationships in order. The quote from Jesus I mentioned earlier pretty much sums it up. First, love God, and out of that love of God will come to the love of self and then love of others.2. Remember, we must all constantly fight the inner poser. We all feel like fakes and frauds from time to time. When you find you're beating yourself up, calling yourself names, rehearsing old hurts, telling yourself you are a loser or suffering from the paralysis of analysis, stop. Everybody struggles with this from time to time. It's part of being human. They are just thoughts. You always have a choice to give them a place in your brain and heart or to dismiss them.*Here is a simple truth, there are only two types of people, ones with issues and those that pretend like they don't have any. Remember, God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember to let that thought help you fight the inner poser.3. Be a buddy to yourself. 4. Move more! 5. Use your meals as an act of self-care. 6. Get the rest your body needs. 7. Have a time of stillness and quietness in the morning. 8. Limit your Screen Time and Your News Intake. 9. Ask for some help. Read the article
With Valentine's just around the corner I wanted to talk about one of the most important aspects of a relationship and that is that real lovers appreciate the differences between themselves and their partners. Dr. John Gottman's research shows that the way to have a resilient relationship is to turn towards each other.Differences are part of what initially draws us to our partners. Have you ever noticed how a talkative, engaging extrovert could be attracted to a quiet, reflective introvert? How about someone cautious being drawn to someone filled with confidence?While this is the case in so many relationships, these differences often become distractions down the road. Those cute nuances can move from appealing to appalling. Those same differences that first attracted you to one another can cause conflict, misunderstanding, and even alienation as time passes.Here are some examples:Planners vs. Flexers:Planners are individuals who love organization and structure. If you were to look into their cupboard, things would be organized because everything has a place.Flexers, on the other hand, tend to be more malleable, able to adjust to the ebbs and flows of life quickly.Read more...
Does the name Steve Martin ring a bell? Performer, comedian, movie star, Saturday Night Live Alum, respected banjo player, father, husband, and author of autobiography Born Standing Up. (By the way, if you are looking for a great read, I highly recommend it.) Read the ArticleHere is a general idea of where the magic is.If a person believes there is a reasonable chance of making their dream happen and they have a sincere desire to make it happen, three things occur:1. Their focus becomes very narrow.2. Distractions begin to fade as the goal becomes more evident. (However, sometimes they start to pull away from some relationships for a season.)3. They zero in on activities that lead to the changes they long for. As they make progress—honing their skill set or craft or muscle tone, whatever—they look for the next challenge that is “just manageable.” They find the next task that is difficult but doable on the way to their dream. Victory is not guaranteed, but it is possible as the individual does what they can from where they are to make it happen.John ThurmanCounseling, WorkLife Consulting. www.johnthurman.info505 343-2011email: john@johnthurman.info
Sobering Facts About ThoughtsHere are some fascinating statistics from a study done in 2020.According to this insightful study, humans average around 6,200 thoughts a day, and they tend to be on the negative side for most of us. No wonder you and I seem to be in a constant state of dealing with damaging “thought worms!”I love the way Tommy Newberry puts it in his book, The 4:8 Principle.“The secret conversations you hold in the privacy of your own mind are shaping your destiny, little by little. With every thought that races through your mind, you are continually reinventing yourself and your future. This is either good or bad news because every thought moves you either toward your God-given potential or away from it. No thoughts are neutral.”If you want to see a significant shift in old habits, change your thoughts and change your life, give these tools a try.Tip # 1 – Supervise your self-talk.Tip # 2 Stop comparing yourself to others.Tip # 3 – Stretch your limiting beliefs.Tip # 4 – Build up others.Here is the link to the article.
Why do New Year's Resolutions fail? Mainly, because they are only a statement, or what we wish for in the coming year. There are usually no action plans, no deadlines, no backup plans. Sometimes they are unrealistic resolutions, with no other thought or plans besides the statement.3 Reasons they fail:First, we need to get our thinking right before we can experience enduring change.Second, we fail to have a structure—a pathway with some built-in accountability—to keep us focused and intentional.Third, we are fearful of making these changes because of how they might impact us.4 Barriers:Barrier #1 — The feeling that we are fundamentally flawed and either don't deserve or don't have it in us to make the changes we need to make. In other words, we are limited by our own thinking.Barrier # 2 — This one is a little odd, but I validated it in my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur. It's the fear of feeling disloyal. “If I make these changes and experience success, I might leave others behind, which would be wrong.”Barrier # 3 — A belief that positive life change and success bring a more immense burden.Barrier # 4 — The fear of outshining others or, as some of our mothers used to say, “Acting too big for your britches.”3 Questions or an outline of an After Action ReportQuestion # 1 – What did I do right in 2021? Think about this in the context of personal growth, business/professional development, relationships, and spiritual growth. NOTE: Make sure your positives outnumber your negatives!Question # 2 – What did I do wrong in 2021? Be brutally honest with yourself, but don't get involved in self-flagellation or excessive self-criticism. Remember, do your best to ensure that your positives outweigh your negatives.Question # 3 – What can I do better in 2022? Be crystal clear here. The main reason most people fail to meet any of their New Year's Resolutions is that they are too broad, too generalized, and have no measurable outcomes attached to them.Jon Acuff's suggestions:1. Ninety days from now I will have ______________________________________________.2. This sounds impossible, but I want to _____________________________________ this year.3. This is weird, but I want to _____________________________________ in 2022.Here is a link to the article and Jon Acuff's links to his book and YouTube.
10 Ways to Cope with Holiday Grief*Note: Because grief is intensely personal and unique, you may or may not experience any of these. If you feel that your grief is manifesting in a different way or that you need to talk to someone, then don't delay.1. Be prepared for some sad moments or memories. You don't need to be looking for them, but when and if they show up, give them the time you need to process them.2. If you are worried about having too much time to overthink your losses, fill some of your empty holiday holes with good things.3. Honor and celebrate old traditions and memories.4 Be intentional about creating new traditions and memories.5. Identify and expand your best coping skills.6. Avoid isolation by volunteering at your church or in your community. Serving others is a significant way to avoid life-sucking self-loathing isolation can bring.7. Avoid isolation by volunteering at your church or in your community. Serving others is a significant way to avoid life-sucking self-loathing isolation can bring.8. Have “reasonable expectations” of yourself. How do you think you are doing? How are you feeling? Based on what you know about grief, are you in an ok place? If you are in doubt, ask a friend.9. Be sure to set boundaries on your time, expectations, and activities. Be busy but not distracted.10. If you need help, get it. Reach out to friends, family, ministry leaders, therapists, online resources, and Crisis Lines if required.Here is a link to the entire article.
Artwork by Holly Warren Muthard Joy Stealing Trap #1 - BitternessJoy Stealing Trap #4 - PerfectionismJoy Stealing Trap #4 - ShameJoy Stealing Trap #4 - AnxietyHere is a link to the article: How to Avoid the 4 Joy Stealers of the Holidays
Here are the 5 ways: Jot down your joysCount blessing instead of sheepStop and SavorSmileGiveHere is a link to the articlejohn@johnthurman.info505-343-2011
Here are nine benefits of actively expressing gratitude.Thankfulness will boost your immune system helping your body fight off infection.Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.A grateful heart develops your personal resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.Gratefulness strengthens social bonds.Extending grace to others makes you more likable.Living a life of gratitude helps you sleep better.Having an attitude of gratitude amplifies positive self-esteem.Gratitude elevates your spiritual insights.Next week, the week of Thanksgiving I will give you five-proven gratitude practices you can use to make this Thanksgiving extra special.Here is a link to the entire post
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