She's in the City by NaSHEville

We all know Lauren Alaina the singer/songwriter, platinum-selling artist, and newly inducted member of the Grand Ole Opry, and we love her! But today we're getting a more personal look at the Lauren off the stage as she shares about her newly released book, Getting Good At Being You. In the book, Lauren tells stories and experiences from the last decade and a half that have shaped her into the bubbly, talented, powerhouse she is today.  The whole book walks readers through her decade-long struggle to, as she puts it, learn to love her whole, authentic self. While the book runs the gamut of professional struggle to family issues to toxic dating relationships, much of her message focuses on struggling to embrace her body. With body image being a chronic struggle for most women, Lauren was thrown onto the public stage at just 15 when she was voted runner-up on American Idol. And while she is grateful for her childlike fearlessness looking back -- “I owe every single thing I have to that 15-year-old girl having the confidence that she had something special and could go and do that.”  -- her overnight fame left her struggling with years of bulimia and harsh exercise regimes with false hopes of the “fitting a mold of pretty” that would prolong her success. The heart behind the book is this: “The book was my opportunity to share with women that everyone struggles. Struggle isn't something to hide or be ashamed of. Struggle helps make us who we are.” She shares everything from practical health routines and positive self-talk to the importance of keeping strong friends and faith. At the end of the day, Lauren is championing the simple but life-changing message of love – for ourselves, for others, and for the Lord – that has finally helped her get good and being and loving her true self. She is an absolute gem of a woman with a heart of gold. Thank you, Lauren, for sharing your stories and your music with the world!

Nicole Zasowski is an LMFT (marriage and family therapist), mom of 3 (under age 6!), and the author of 1 of my new absolute favorite books: What If It's Wonderful?: Release your fears, choose joy, and find the courage to celebrate. The book was birthed out of a long season of change and loss for Nicole, one that displaced her family from coast to coast and that left her grieving five miscarriages in a span of four years. After all of her loss, Nicole found herself “terrified that hope would make a fool of me… I no longer felt brave enough to dream.” She began to notice that even moments in her life warranting celebration left her feeling less joyful and more afraid of how or when that joy might be lost. She claims – through personal experience and much psychological research – that joy is the most vulnerable feeling we feel. Why? “It felt safter not to hold the joy at all than to hold the joy that might break.”  Don't we all sometimes find ourselves waiting for the other shoe to drop? We may feel like we're protecting ourselves, but as Nicole points out, we're robbing ourselves of the good in the present when we put up walls to protect from the future that hasn't happened yet. “I'd faced a lot of loss. But [I realized] some of that loss was the refusal to engage with the life that I already had.” So why do we resist celebrating? We're afraid of loss or disappointment. We see celebration as a reward for good news or accomplishments when it should be a rhythm that helps us cultivate joy. We're unsure how to reconcile celebration and humility (seeing them as competing or mutually exclusive). We hold back for fear of hurting others in hard seasons. We don't know how to engage with God in our joy (wondering: “Will my dependence on him - thus intimacy with him - fade when life is joyful?”). So how do we actively and practically pursue joy/celebration? Savor the ordinary; take mental snapshots of daily moments of delight. Notice beauty. Vocalize your gratitude as expressed thanksgiving to the giver. Celebrate small things as a regular rhythm rather than holding out to celebrate big things as a reward. Practice differentiating between “real feelings” and “true feelings.” Through these practices and many more, Nicole calls us to learn to “love [yourself] where you are and grown from there.” She reminds us that celebration should not just tolerated but should be a spiritual discipline and an avenue for spiritual and emotional growth. This message is for everyone in any season of life: the crushing it people, the suffering people, and the people on the grind in the middle. We can all learn to cultivate these life-giving rhythms of celebration. Because joy is not a luxury but rather, a lifestyle we have the power to employ. Where to find Nicole? Website Instagram Facebook

Alita Langford is an inspirer. I don't quite know how else to describe her. Sure, she is a self-made businesswoman, a very talented singer and songwriter, a widow, and now a wife again and mom to 8, but more than all of that, she is an inspirer. In 2016 Alita lost her late husband suddenly to unforeseen heart issues. She was 33 with 4 kids under the age of 6 and within the following 18 months, she also lost your mom and dad. It would be easy to assume her story is a heavy one, marked primarily with pain and uncertainty, both of which she's certainly had her fill of. But to know Alita is not to know a woman of grief; to know her is to know a woman who fights for joy and life and love. To do life with her is to witness someone who lives from the victory she knows is hers in Christ, regardless of what's happening to her or around her. FOR THOSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STRUGGLE Even in the darkest days of her grief, Alita was intentional to speak truth to herself daily, discovering the powerful practice of declaring aloud what's true about God and true about herself. Though never dismissing or mitigating her grief, she began claiming what she knew God could do and redeem in her life, speaking it and writing it on her bedroom walls even when she didn't yet feel it to be true. “I FELT CALLED TO FIGHT – FOR MYSELF, FOR MY KIDS, FOR THE JOY I KNEW COULD COME BACK. IT WAS A CHOICE I MADE FROM THE BEGINNING TO LIVE OUT OF A PLACE OF VICTORY NOT VICTIMHOOD.” Life in general – and especially in difficult seasons – calls us to fight for joy in the present even as we are waiting and trusting the Lord with our future. In the struggle, we can do more than just survive, Alita witnesses, we can actually grow into a deeper, richer us if we accept the call to endure and overcome.  “IN THE STRUGGLE IS WHERE I REALLY MET MYSELF AND WHERE I FINALLY MET GOD FACE TO FACE.” FOR THE WOMEN IN WAITING (ON LOVE, ON DREAMS, ON THE NEXT GOOD THING) It was after 3 and half years of fighting, claiming, and waiting that Alita met her new husband, Rodney. And though she struggled at times to imagine how God would answer her specific and resilient prayers for a new husband and family, she speaks with such gratitude now about how God refined and restored her into an even better version of herself in the waiting. To all who are disappointed, waiting on love or dreams or anything, Alita says: “THE WAIT IS SO WORTH IT. DON'T DESPISE THE WAITING – UTILIZE IT – AND TRY TO ENJOY WHO YOU'RE BECOMING IN IT.” FOR THE MOMS As a mom of 8 (4 biological, 3 adopted, and 1 “bridged,” i.e. the baby she's now had with her new husband), I asked Alita some practical questions to encourage and bring a little life to all the moms out there. Here's a few that we cover: How do you shepherd and lead kids through hard seasons? Is it important that your kids see you struggle? How do you resist comparing yourself to other moms? How do you prioritize time for yourself as individual & as wife? As chosen, resilient women of God, we all have the ability to walk in victory, no matter what we're facing. Look to the example of this inspiring woman and claim what Scripture says is true about you as you fight for the future you're waiting on. Where do we follow you? The Langford Life Podcast Alita's music Facebook & Instagram

Sometimes all we need to make brave steps forward is a push from someone who's made the leap themselves. Lauren Lowrey is that person. She knows the power a story can have to spur passion and hope in its hearers and she's giving her heart, time, and talents to make sure inspiring stories are told. Not only is she an Emmy Award-winning broadcast journalist and anchor, she is also the founder and creator of the Ampstigator podcast, a term she coined combining the ideas of amplify (to bring intensity) + instigator (someone who initiates change). She's here to tell stories of individuals in intense pursuit of change. Lauren felt captivated by and called to champion the ampstigator lifestyle after personally facing a tough season of self-re-discovery. With more than 15 years of broadcast television under her belt, she finally realized she'd slowly become a version of herself she didn't recognize. As on-camera talent, “there are a lot of things put on you that aren't yours.” She'd be trained and tweaked and asked to fit a mold that she ultimately realized wasn't true of her authentic self, and she began a journey – which she calls an “excavation” – to reclaim herself and her passions. Throughout that process, she reached a place where she realized just sharing information at the news desk wasn't deep enough. She wanted more. She wanted richer. She wanted to ampstigate. “I wanted to tell stories that made a difference, that ignited change.” So, that's what she's done. Ampstigator's first season released in February of 2022 and features 13 guests that have catalyzed setbacks, struggles, and their unique life experiences into profound pursuits of purpose. Ultimately, this is Lauren's outlet to bring healing and hope, to showcase individuals she admires who have reconnected with what lights them up, and to remind viewers that they can do it too. “I wanted to show people how accessible purpose is. It can be simple and grand [at the same time].”  We are all created with a specific purpose or purposes for our lives. For any who feel stuck or discouraged, Ampstigator will certainly ignite the needed change in your heart and equip you to take the next right step forward. Where to follow: Follow Lauren on Instagram Watch Season 1 of Ampstigator Check out info on the Reclaim Summit by Ampstigator

Mallory Ervin is a natural-born achiever. Not just as the oldest child in her big Kentucky family, but by the time Mallory reached her mid-20s, her accolades spanned from success as a childhood singer, being crowned Miss Kentucky and runner-up Miss America, as well as competing as a 3-time contestant on the show, The Amazing Race. Talk about a resumé! She opens her new book, Living Fully: Dare to Step Into Your Most Vibrant Life, by sharing the life-changing season of addiction and recovery she faced eight years ago when her obsession with achievement and approval spiraled into addiction to prescription pills. Even when doctors warned her she was going to die if she continued the pace and lifestyle she'd been living, she remembers thinking, “I'd rather go out like this than anyone know what's going on behind the scenes; I nearly lost my life to make sure I looked a certain way on the outside.” And though her courageous journey to re-discover a fulfilling and healthy life began with at rock bottom of her addiction, Mallory's story is about far more than substance recovery. In the book, she records her years of work to resist a life of excess and to pursue balance, simplicity, and ordinary joys – just a few of the ingredients she's discovered that finally led her to a life that's truly full. “I wrote the rest of this book to the person I am now [not just those with substance addictions]; the person who longs to live a bigger, fuller life.” This conversation and her book are full (pun intended) of daily practices and lifelong truths that can help you shift your perspective toward one that leads to authentic, rich living. Here are just a few we touch on: “How to avoid life in default mode and quit living on cruise control.” “Absence of bad is not a qualifier for a good life.” “Living fully isn't the same thing as your days being full.” “Take chances. Pain avoidance is a powerful motivator for mediocrity.” “The simple life brings ordinary joy. It is always the in between moments, the real-life moments, that bring me the most happiness.” “We must continue to re-choose our faith, again and again.” Mallory shares more about how she discovered and how we can pursue these effective mindsets, practices, and much more. But the common denominator for all is that we have a choice. “It is our choice every day to live a full life.” Let's start now! Follow Mallory: Instagram Book Podcast: Living Fully with Mallory Ervin All Other Things Mallory

 Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston – both writers, both hilarious storytellers, both moms to many kids – connected online after experiencing tough seasons of loneliness. Even in the hustle and bustle of working and writing, mom-ing and wife-ing, they'd both discovered a lack of rich friendship connections and felt sure tons of other women must feel that way too. What began as a shared love of enneagram, Mexican food, going commando in leggings, sharing too much personal information transformed into an online solace for women struggling to find and maintain a genuine adult friendship. In 2019 the Facebook page “Sister, I Am With You” was born, and now their thriving community consists of over 1 million followers as well as their new book, I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants): Finding Unfiltered, Real-Life Friendships in This Crazy, Chaotic World. This wildly entertaining and tearfully honest pair call the book “a handbook on authentic adult friendships” – a concept that seems simple on paper but can be so hard to navigate in real life. Through every chapter, they give honest accounts of their own struggles with friendship as adults and validate how hard connection can be in a chaotic world with little margin time. But they also remind us that all it takes is one courageous step toward someone new – toward genuine connection – to build a foundation for authentic friendship. You are never too old, and it is never too far out of reach. We talk about some of the lies that we tell ourselves as women about friendships and why desire for intimate friendships is NOT a luxury or selfish desire, but a NECESSITY. A few lies to watch out for: It would be embarrassing to admit I am lonely. People will always let me down, so it's better not to trust them. Everyone already has their people. I am the only one who feels this way. I need to be impressive. Popularity equals connection. I need to filter out my mess. Friends should understand when you go MIA. Friendship is a luxury, not a necessity. Friendship just “happens.” As a mom friendship is selfish. But even as we take brave steps toward new friends or deeper connections with current friends, it's easy to be hesitant because of bad past experiences, insecurities, overthinking, etc. No one wants to be rejected, but as Amy reminds us,” “For me, loneliness is less bearable than rejection. Take the first step.” What we all ultimately crave is to be fully known and fully loved, and those kind of friendships take time and faith, and courage. Amy and Jess quite literally cheer us on and coach us through as we take steps toward authentic connection. They call us to live with brave vulnerability because “the kind of vulnerability that makes it possible for people to reject you is the same kind of vulnerability that makes it possible for people to love you.” Show up. Be there for someone you already love or someone who's new in your life. That's where it all starts. Just be there, even if you're there in your sweatpants. **Listen to Chapter 1 of I'll Be There audiobook here!  Where can we follow y'all & support you? www.illbetherebook.com Sister, I Am With You Jess Johnston Amy Weatherly

Regardless of your age, relationship status, or stage of life, it's very easy to wake up on any given day and find yourself just “going through motions.” With work and families and the unending to-do's and obligations of adult living, we can get in the habit of mindlessly drifting from one day to the next without ever stopping to think: Is this how I want to be living? Am I really living or just existing? What does it mean to be fully and fullfillingly alive? In this week's solo episode, Mattie takes some time to consider the ways that culture tells us we can attain an alive and vibrant life, as well as what Scripture says will lead to our being most fully alive. I know like us you're tired of striving and hustling and spinning your wheels for temporary hits of happiness. We want nothing less than sustaining, life-changing joy for you. In John 10:10, Jesus reminds his followers that “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” What does that abundant life really look like? And how do we get it? Ultimately, life that is fulfilling and human beings who radiate hope and joy and passion – people who are living fully alive – are not just saved by God, they are in active relationship with God. They're not just committed to Christ; they are connected to him on a regular basis and, as result, live more vibrantly and hopefully than they imagined possible.  So, what does it look like to live connected to God? Let's talk about it! Life's too short to chase after empty promises for happiness. Join us as we look at what life connected to Christ can truly be like – vibrant, abundant, and one worth living fully!

After the past few years, we've all had, facing the prolonged effects of the pandemic and what feels like constant social unrest, our friend Lisa Whittle's new (and 8th!) book could not come at a more welcomed time. Released in September of 2021, The Hard Good: Showing Up For God to Work in You When You Want to Shut Down addresses, with profound wisdom and without platitude, the struggles of living in a painful world where hard things just keep on happening. When Lisa's father died in 2017, she says his passing “was the catalyst to writing [the book], but in so many ways I feel like it's just been an account of the ongoing journey of my life.” Each chapter recounts a hardship she's walked through and her resilient work to discover God's nuggets of good, even in very not good seasons. She never shies away from what real heartbreak looks like, but she also confidently and consistently lets Scripture have the last word in whatever she faces.  Here are a few topics we hit on in our conversation: Redefining good - The lies about the good life are pretty but covertly exhausting. Holding both – Grief and joy can exist in the same space, but you often have to fight for joy! Replacing shutting down with showing up - Take the power back from your emotions. Kingdom purpose vs. Kingdom usability – You will determine your level of useability in the Kingdom by how you respond to the hard things. Waiting - When we have to wait on God, we have to need God. Waiting is one of the best producers of what we need. Through Lisa's courageous yet tender storytelling, we are reminded that some of the greatest goods in this life come on the heels of some awfully hard things. It's not our job to make diamonds from the coal or lemonade from the bitter lemons life hands us; but it is our job to entrust the hard to the good, good God who loves to bring beauty from ashes. This life will be hard, Lisa reminds us, but when we endure the hard with reliant and expectant faith, God can bring good from any hard if we let him.  Our friend Lisa Whittle's new (and 8th!) book could not come at a better time. Released last fall, The Hard Good: Showing Up For God to Work in You When You Want to Shut Down addresses, with profound wisdom and without platitude, the struggles of living in a painful world where hard things just keep on happening. Through Lisa's courageous yet tender storytelling, we are reminded that some of the greatest goods in this life come on the heels of some awfully hard things and that God can bring good from any hard if we let him. Follow Lisa. Buy The Hard Good. Listen to: Jesus Over Everything podcast.

January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month, and we are so grateful to have the CEO of local Nashville social enterprise company, Strings for Hope, to share their mission with us. Strings for Hope repurposes secondhand musical strings to make beautiful jewelry, all made by survivors of addiction, domestic violence, and human trafficking with the mission to empower and employ women in recovery. Emily Winters took over the company as CEO at just 21 years-old and has since brought tremendous growth and expansion, with retail partners carrying Strings for Hope products all across the US. In spite of her lack of experience at the time, Emily fell in love with the survivors SFH employs and set out to build the company as one that could continue to support part- and full-time employees in recovery. Even at a young age, she realized “if I let this fail, I could get another job, but many of these women couldn't.” Her whole focus became about them, and it remains about them even as the company grows.  “I felt like I saw opportunities for the broken strings [and women] that a lot of people couldn't see. What we do is provide these women a choice and an opportunity with work. I'm just happy I can play that role [in their lives] with my business.” Not only has she thrived as the leader of this gives-back company, she has also found remarkable beauty from the brokenness of her own story. As a survivor of domestic and sexual abuse by her alcoholic step-father, Emily has personally discovered the power that comes when we allow our own pain and trauma to become tools to empower and encourage others.   “My story allows me to bring a sense of safety to these women and be an ally to them. As a young leader who ultimately doesn't have a background in business or working with survivors, the pain of my past has made me feel worthy of being in this place.” No matter how isolated we feel or what shame surrounds our past, none of us are ever truly alone in our pain, are we? Past traumas and wounds don't make us weak. As Emily attests, they can become tools for us to be better, more compassionate leaders. There truly is beauty in brokenness if we have the courage to uncover it.  How do we support, follow, and shop SFH? www.stringsforhope.com *Retail partners & pop-ups all across US

As we enter a new year, most of us find ourselves in the same place – between a finish line and a starting line. What do we want to change? Where do we want to go? What do we need from our people, from ourselves, and from the Lord? We're starting 2022 with best-selling author and speaker, Rebekah Lyons, who encourages us all to “take inventory,” which, if you're anything like me sounds like a nightmare of numbers, color-coordinating pantries, and realizing you may be more of a hoarder than you let yourself believe. But in her book, Rhythms of Renewal: Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose, Rebekah distills this idea of spiritual and relational reflection into four simple questions we can consider to better start this new year with transparency, peace, and renewal. She simply asks herself and asks the Lord to direct her in: What's right? What's wrong? What's confused? And what's missing? While seemingly daunting at first with a potential for skeletons to surface that we may not want to face, these simple questions are how we stop racing through life and start living into God's best for us! “I don't want to always have my head so down that I don't see the bigger picture of what God is doing,” Rebekah says. Maybe taking inventory is just the place to start? But how do we do this if we're not big journalers or if time feels so limited for things like reflection and prayer? Check out just a few of the practical ways she offers. Get quiet & do the heart work “So often we don't know where we are and how we are because we will not give ourselves permission to stop long enough and ask. We're afraid of what will come out.” Tech detox “I wasn't being true to my voice. I started writing and posting [on Instagram] what others wanted to hear, not what I wanted to say. [I started] running out of original thoughts because [I was] consuming everyone else's.” Trial and grief as a birthplace of fruit “The fullness of joy depends on the fullness of healing. And the fullness of healing depends on knowing what needs to be healed.” The heart of the matter is, we all crave, need, and are made for restful and renewing relationships with the Lord and with others. And we know how much courage it takes to prioritize and pursue that in our busy day-to-day lives! Rebekah defines bravery as “moving scared.” And sometimes that's exactly what committing to rest feels like. Making a healthy move that's scary; fearful of missing out, getting behind, or benching ourselves from all that's before us. It's brave because it's hard. It's brave because it's counterculture. It's brave because it reminds us that we don't have it all together, that sometimes we have to fall apart, and that we're ultimately made for a place where eternal rest will be found. “Rest reminds us that we will never arrive [on this earth]. It gives us permission to stop and remember life isn't about getting to the next thing, it's about obedience and faith growing in this next [year] more than it did in the last.” So let's just take a little inventory, shall we? Let the Lord show us what's right, wrong, confused, and missing and soak up the delicious truth that He will carry us through those things in the now and will make perfect all those things in the end. Happy New Year, everyone!

Laura Hutfless's resumé and credentials speak for themselves: Co-Founder of FlyteVu, a full-service entertainment marketing agency that helps mission-driven companies and brands, large and small, integrate into pop culture and create authentic emotional connections with their audience. 2021 Chief Marketer PRO Award Billboards 30 & 40 under lists Work with clients like: Bumble, Enterprise, Jack Daniel's, Anheuser Busch, Victoria's Secret PINK, Converse, Norwegian Cruise Line, Drybar, Spotify  Truly one of the most driven and creative friends we know, Laura brings together pop culture and purpose to make some major impacts on companies, consumers, and the community. FltyeVu even operates on an OVER 20% gives back model, serving non-profits and individuals in need. She attributes her overwhelming generosity to her faith and to parents who raised her to live from an abundance mentality. “I never lived in fear [of giving away] because I was raised to live from a place of abundance.” Not only is Laura a business powerhouse, she is also the president of the board of the Onesite Foundation. She was introduced to Onsite – a non-profit providing trauma-informed counseling and emotional health education – when she found herself stuck on the “hamster wheel of achievement,” as FlyteVu became one of the country's fastest-growing companies following its launch. “I was hustling for my worth and I didn't know why.” And from there, Onsite changed her life, both personally and professionally. The foundation offers a variety of 5-day workshops serving both individuals and communities, especially persons affected by trauma, abuse, stress, or mental health issues. Her experience at Onsite's beautiful, rural campus outside of Nashville equipped Laura with tools for healing and moving forward with a healthier, balanced life. She has since helped Onsite develop a program for victims of mass shootings, creating a space for survivors to face and heal the deep trauma from those events.  Laura founded Triumph Over Tragedy after losing her significant other to a relapse in 2019. Austin had been a victim of the Columbine shootings and had struggled with addiction and untreated trauma for nearly two decades. Laura's grief and acute awareness of the dangers of unaddressed trauma, especially for mass shooting victims, has resulted in a one-of-a-kind space for community and healing for many like Austin. “Pain and struggle always leave a gift,” she tells us. Because of her giving heart and hard work, Triumph Over Tragedy is quite literally changing the lives of countless shooting survivors. Even in the hardest seasons of life, Laura reminds us of the power of letting the Lord to work in and through our heartbreaks.  “This life is hard. You have to look at each chapter of your life, even the hard ones, and see the gift in it. Because that is what we call hope.” Follow Laura @lehnashville and learn more about FlyteVu and the Onsite Foundation.

Over the past three years of my own grief and healing, it's been crucial for me to have those whom I now call my “pace people.” You know, when you run a 5k or watch a car race, there's always a pace person or a pace car who leads the pack and sets the pace. A runner or driver that goes ahead and stays a constant reminder for those behind that you can keep going. You can get keep the pace and eventually get up here to where they are. This week's guests are my pace people. Ginger and Rachel, both having been widowed in their twenties and thirties, have not only found restoration and stability years after losing their husbands, but they have also committed their lives and hearts to, as they put it, “loving on the younger versions of ourselves.” They do this over coffee and lunch and all the things with women like me. They also do it through their non-profit, Never Alone Widows, where they create weekend-long retreats of intimate healing and comfort for widows, all rooted in the truth and hope of the gospel. We talk all about the retreats and their journeys to launching Never Alone three years ago, but we also just talk a lot about how to trust and walk with a good God through the tough seasons of life. Here's a few highlights (because I could never list all their great nuggets of wisdom here!): We have a choice to let tragedy enrich us. We can come out bitter or better. There's no middle ground. We get the choice to choose joy. No one can make you believe God is good. You have to actively pursue and encounter him to know he is always good. Don't miss the good that's there to be found even in your worst season. There is rich brook in suffering if we look for it. Everything tastes richer on the other side of pain.  Faith is trusting that what doesn't make sense now will in reverse. Grief is a chance to let God love us. Where do we follow/apply for NA retreats? www.neveralonewidows.com @neveralonewidows

One of my greatest hopes through Lemons on Friday is to break feelings of isolation and usher in hope for all who have lost relationships, not just those who have lost to death. This week's guests have both recently gone through divorce and courageously pour out their whole hearts for others struggling through the same experience. We talk about how difficult it is to face divorce as Christian women and the added layer of pressure and struggle and internal conflict that brings. “It's like I felt this pressure to keep letting people know, it wasn't my fault. Like I needed a disclaimer because there's such a stigma [in the Church] when you hear the word divorce.” We talk about how their perspective on and expectations of prayer changed as they fought in prayer for their marriages but were ultimately forced to accept that reconciliation wouldn't happen. “My prayers started as desperation for God to save the marriage. Like: ‘Please change him. Make him want to fight for me. Give me the words to convince him to come back to me,'” Hannah told us. They both speak to a desire for control over the situation and admit to putting lots of pressure on themselves in their prayers early on. But when it became clear that reconciliation wouldn't happen, their prayers started to shift from asking for an outcome to calling on God for the fruits of the Spirit they needed despite the outcome they didn't want. Looking back Hannah says, “When I released my need to control and gave the outcome to God, I finally felt relief and comfort and peace because I was no longer putting the pressure on myself and I could finally start healing.” Despite neither marriage being restored, both speak with palpable joy about the myriad of other ways they've watched God redeem their own stories. “I had a perfectly good idea of what God's redemption story for my marriage should look like,” Madison says. “But since [it's ended], I've started to realize God's redemption story for me is in no way less real even if it doesn't look how what I wanted.” Both women have truly relied on God's sovereignty in the midst of anger and triggers and questions, and emerged stronger, more richly joyful women than ever before. They attest to the miraculous power of forgiveness and how it above all helps fend against succumbing to bitterness, even in the wake of such heartbreaking betrayal.   “Obviously you'll always be changed through the divorce process, but I didn't want bitterness to take from me [the good things] that made me, me.”

The broken world we live in is full of lemons on Friday. Rife with sour, bitter struggles that can break our hearts and tire our spirits; accidents and losses that leave us feeling as depleted and fearful as the disciples felt on crucifixion Friday. But sweeter days are possible. Sunday will come. This week's guest, Jennie Lusko, is here to share her story of the unthinkable loss of her 5-year old daughter and powerful truths from her book, Fight to Flourish. In it she asks: What if the struggles of life aren't a barrier to thriving but an invitation into your most vibrant days? Jennie's call to explore this biblical truth of sanctification through struggle came not just from her work in ministry, but from fighting through her own horrific heartbreak. Just a few weeks before Christmas 2012, Jennie and her husband very suddenly lost their five-year old daughter, Lenya. She knew well God was near, that she wasn't alone, and that God loved her deeply, but still questions and sorrow plagued. “What does this mean? How do I keep going? How do I get up the next morning?” Over the course of the days, weeks, and years, Jennie knew these questions and the thousands more her family would face were going to demand a fight. It's in that fight that she saw first hand, our most broken days are often the ingredients God uses to make our lives more abundant. Fight the Flourish chronicles her strain to endure the loss of her daughter and also equips us to face our own day-to-day battles. If we are relying on and abiding in Christ, the trials we face don't have to beat us down. They can actually be seeds God plants and sows in order to make our lives richer. Even in the grief and the grind, we are growing more and more into the abundance Jesus promises.  “I used to think flourishing wouldn't happen for me this side of heaven,” Jennie tells us. But the truth is we don't just flourish once we get to eternity. We can flourish today, right now. We can live strong, vibrant, flourishing lives right in the midst of our struggle. The whole process of the growth is the flourishing. It's not an arrival. It's a marathon. It's a fight. Often times we don't even feel the growth, but there is peace in knowing and trusting that God is always at work.  Because God loves us, He is constantly training us for the trials we've not yet faced. When we live from a place of consistently rooting ourselves in Him, there's no battle we can't fight. We can't live out of skepticism or fear for what might come, but there is great strength in “pre-loading God's Word into our souls.” Find more on Fight to Flourish and Jennie's ministry @ https://jennielusko.com/thefighttoflourish.

The broken world we live in is full of lemons on Friday. Rife with sour, bitter struggles that can break our hearts and tire our spirits; accidents and losses that leave us feeling as depleted and fearful as the disciples felt on crucifixion Friday. But sweeter days are possible. Sunday will come. This week we sit down with our friend, Mary O'Neill Phillips, a host on Outdoor Channel TV and co-founder/co-host of the Country Outdoors Podcast. Not only is she an avid hunter and Christ-follower, she has also played many different roles in music industry both in Australia where she grew up and here in Nashville. She shares with us the seemingly wild goose chase that led her from Sydney to LA to Nashville and how even though she didn't know it was the Holy Spirit leading her then, how grateful she is to have followed his crazy calls on her life! Coming from a traditional Irish Catholic upbringing, an intimate relationship with God wasn't something she experienced until early adulthood. She says most of her childhood and teenage years were marked by being “religious” but never truly connecting with Jesus. But after incident of rape at 16, losing a friend tragically at 19, and being mugged at gunpoint in Mexico in her early 20s, she felt God “kept trying to wake her up.” “It's as if he kept saying, ‘I'm trying to show you something,' and I wasn't hearing it.” The turning point for Mary came after she felt something deep down (which she now says was the Holy Spirit) compel her to go to the Australian coast, just down the road from where she'd lived her whole life, one day at sunrise. In the dawn of that morning, she knew God was calling out to her. In that sunrise, she says he finally, fully revealed himself to her. She felt like saying, “I'm so sorry I haven't seen you. You've always been here for me every day.” From there forth, she continued following the prompts of the Holy Spirit, even when she couldn't make sense of them, leading to many miraculous “God-nods” in the days of and following the very sudden death of her father. “All those experiences [surrounding Dad's death] have just taught me about being faithful. I never knew where I was going to go, who I was going to speak to, or how it was going to happen… and I don't ever want to not be listening [to the Spirit] again.” Ultimately, she wants to encourage anyone who is grieving a parent or questioning God's role in their pain to lean into the heart of who he is. She calls us to ask just what she did sitting at her father's bedside: “You have two options right now. You either chose to lean away [from God] or you chose to lean closer than you've ever leaned before. Which am I going to choose?” She chose leaning in. And her story and her life have been made an even more beautiful testimony because of it. Where can everyone find you? @maryoneillofficial www.countryoutdoors.com Country Outdoors Podcast To pre-order Lemons on Friday: Trusting God Through My Greatest Heartbreak, visit www.LemonsOnFriday.com or anywhere books are sold!

The broken world we live in is full of lemons on Friday. Rife with sour, bitter struggles that can break our hearts and tire our spirits; accidents and losses that leave us feeling as depleted and fearful as the disciples felt on crucifixion Friday. But sweeter days are possible. Sunday will come. This fall we're going to sit down with women of all ages who have experienced loss in a variety of different ways. We're going to hear the truth about how they grappled with keeping faith in a good God when really bad things happen. We're going to hear how they found hope, even through their greatest heartbreaks. Our first guest is a dear friend of mine, Hailey, who, like me, lost her young husband at age 25. By the total divine intervention and hand of God, Hailey and I met at a NaSHEville event in November of 2018, just two months after both of our husbands' passing. From that day to now, we have walked this valley of widowhood together. Here, we sit down to share our experiences over these past three years of heartbreak and healing. She talks about the power in being honest with God even, and especially, in your most angry moments. She shares about the ways that, even in the blur of the earliest days of grief, she saw how intentional his work was to provide for her, recounting the places and times that he placed specific people in her path to encourage her and strengthen her to keep going. We talk a lot about identity and how being widowed so young leaves you questioning and grieving so many parts of who you are. “Besides actually grieving [your husband], you grieve every detail of your future. There are thousands of things besides just your spouse that you have to keep giving up.” And in spite of the fact that all we want to feel is normalcy and stability again, we both have experienced a real fear of moving forward. Can we move into new phases of life without leaving Ben and Eric's memories behind? Can we start to date again while we will always, always love them? Grief, especially that of a young widow, is such uncharted territory. No one should ever feel they need to navigate it alone. Community and vulnerability with one another are crucial to our healing and living with hope even as we hurt. Whatever you're facing, pray God brings you the Hailey you need to walk through hardship alongside you. As we've personally seen, he is able and willing to do so! To pre-order Lemons on Friday: Trusting God Through My Greatest Heartbreak, visit www.LemonsOnFriday.com or anywhere books are sold!

We've all been at the blood-curdling crossroads of conversation where we blurt out, “You have no idea where I'm coming from!” And the Enneagram tells us, that's actually true! This ancient, now wildly popular system of understanding how individuals see and do life tells us that each of us falls into one of nine primary “types.” This means unless you're in a conversation, relationship, or conflict with someone of your same type (i.e. same way of processing the world), they likely don't have much of an idea where you're coming from. Okay, so we've confirmed there's a problem, but where's the hope here? How can another personality test help mend the broken lines of communication and expectation in our marriages, friendships, and workspaces? Evan Barbee, Nashville enneagram consultant, and teacher, shares with us just how this system of understanding ourselves and others holds the power to help navigate and deepen relationships as well as to heal old wounds in previously broken ones. And don't be overwhelmed by the science behind it, Evan assures us: “ALL YOU NEED TO GET INTO THE ENNEAGRAM IS CURIOSITY AND A SENSE OF HUMOR.”  We talk a bit about each of the nine types individually but spend a good bit of time on what are considered the three “centers of intelligence” in the enneagram. Each type, Evan tells us, falls into one of the three centers – body, heart, or mind. When we look first at these centers and the primary lenses through which they see the world, we can then understand what “prevents us from extending or receiving love to our fullest capacity.” Here's a quick overview of those centers: BODY CENTERS INCLUDE TYPES 8, 9, 1 HEART CENTERS INCLUDE TYPES 2, 3, 4 MIND CENTERS INCLUDE TYPES 5, 6, 7 And remember, whichever center your type falls in doesn't mean you don't use the other two to navigate relationships. It simply means that when you're not working to be aware of your feelings and actions, reacting to your center is where you'll go to in autopilot. The bottom line to applying the enneagram in relationships is this: awareness of yourself and open-handedness with others. The enneagram is not a way to dismiss or intellectualize conflict, but rather a way to see you and your loved one's discrepancies as differences rather than as deficits. The ultimate goal of the enneagram is compassion for others by learning how to speak one another's different “languages.” It gives us new frames through which to address misunderstanding and pursue resolution and deeper connection. Where do we find Evan? https://www.evanbarbee.com/ Instagram @evanbarbee evan@evanbarbee.com Follow Beth @yourenneagramcoach https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/ For more resources: New to Enneagram? Explore each type's core motivation. More on Enneagram & Gospel: Your Enneagram Coach Podcast, episodes 64, 65, 66 Should Christians use the Enneagram?

Beth McCord is a best-selling author, speaker, and teacher, as well as founder and coach of Your Enneagram Coach, an organization whose mission is to help their clients to see themselves with astonishing clarity with the Enneagram through the lens of the Gospel, so they can break free from self-condemnation, fear, and shame by knowing and experiencing the unconditional love, forgiveness, and freedom in Christ. Love. This. The seeds for YEC that would eventually bloom into a coaching business that now spans more than 20 countries were laid early in Beth and her husband's marriage. In a season of struggle, the two came upon the Enneagram, began learning more about it, and were blown away by “a clarity that wasn't there before that helped our relationship immensely.” From there, they dove deep. But the more they learned, the more they realized very little, if any, of the material on the Enneagram was framed through a biblical lens. They thought, “Here's something that really looks like truth, but how they're seeing it isn't how [believers] would see it. How can we put this in a theologically accurate perspective?” Beth began to work with her husband who is a pastor to simplify the complex truths and systems of the Enneagram and teach them from a gospel-centered perspective. And the rest is history. Twenty years later, they remain pioneers and champions of the Enneagram in Christian spaces. “The point isn't to just focus in on yourself,” Beth tells us. “The point is to recognize who you are and how God created you to be, so you can know your true identity in him and live that out.” The goal is to understand the gifts and attributes God gives each of us and use them for his glory and to pursue healthier relationships with others. “The Enneagram is a tool, not the ultimate means of transformation. Jesus is the only true means of transformation.” We also dive into the limiting beliefs or negative self-talk that each type struggles with. What is the false message we're telling ourselves, and how does Christ satisfy each of the core-longings behind those false messages? Get a quick preview here: Reformer's false message: It's not okay to make mistakes. Supporter/Helper's false message: It's not okay to meet your own needs and feelings. Achiever's false message: I have to be successful to be admired. Individualist's false message: I am too much and not enough. Investigator's false message: My needs are a problem. Faithful Guardian's false message: I can't trust myself. Enthusiast/Optimist's false message: I can't depend on anyone for anything. Passionate/Protector's false message: I can't trust anyone. Peaceful Accommodator's false message: I can't cause discord or conflict. Follow Beth @yourenneagramcoach & https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/ For more resources: New to Enneagram? Explore each type's core motivation. More on Enneagram & Gospel: Your Enneagram Coach Podcast, episodes 64, 65, 66 Should Christians use the Enneagram?

As women it often feels impossible not to question our worth or value among the constant assault of the filtered social media world. Our friend Katrina has committed her heart, her resources, and much of time here in Nashville to reminding women of their unshakeable, priceless value as daughters of the Living God. Not long after her move to Nashville from Los Angeles, Katrina found herself where many Nashville newcomers do – trying to meet new people and make friends in downtown's bustling bar scene. But having recently turned her life fully back over to Christ, she was keenly aware that when you love Jesus, “he's with you everywhere.” “He's with you at the gym. He's with you at the park. But she's also with you at the bars,” she reminds us. And it's exactly there, at Tin Roof on Demonbreun Street, that her boots-on-the-ground ministry began. Katrina tells us that sharing her faith in the bars wasn't something she'd planned, but her message has caught like wildfire in Nashville over the past several years. She simply wanted the new friends she was making to know how cherished and valued they were by Jesus. And what began as a handful of friends at Tin Roof has since turned into hundreds gathering each week in her home to study Scripture, multiple women's conferences and retreats, and her own ministry, Wildfire Ministries. Everything Katrina does is with one goal in mind: to bring girls in, teach them their unshakeable love by and worth as daughter of King Jesus, and then develop, disciple, and send them out to do the same for others.  NaSHEville is thrilled to sponsor and be part of Wildfire's upcoming Bloom Retreat on August 21, 2021. The weekend long women's retreat will culminate with an incredible event, open to men and women across the city, with a Saturday night of food and drinks, fellowship and worship, and a teaching and live panel from author, Gary Thomas. Gary and his wife, Lisa, will lead us in understanding the sacred search for spiritually healthy partnership and marriage, as well as how to be wise when we are in dating or marriage relationships.  To get your ticket to Wildfire's event, just Venmo @wildfireministries $100 with your name in the subject line. We hope to see you all there! Who? Gary Thomas @ Bloom Retreat by Wildfire Ministries What? Apps, worship, 1-hour seminar with Gary & panel to follow When? August 21, 5-10pm Where? 8020 Oak Springs Road, Nunnelly, TN 37137 How much? $100 Find Katrina @treeenie or @zealchurchtv https://wfministries.squarespace.com/

On last week's episode we heard from our dear friend and health coach, Leanne Ellington, about her 15-year struggle and journey to physical health and healing, as well as her business, Stressless Eating. This week, Leanne is back to share her incredible testimony – a story that reveals God's intentional and steadfast work on her heart, ultimately leading her to spiritual restoration as she pursued bodily healing. Leanne grew up in a Jewish family in Orlando, but claims “it was never a faith [for me], never a religion, but more of a culture and a heritage.” She was active in Hebrew school, trips to Israel and part of all the Jewish traditions. She tells us she knew of God and believed in God, but was never connected to God. “[God] wasn't part of the paradigm of how I lived.”  Then, when Leanne found herself in a season of both personal and professional loss, something inside of her began to wonder: “I think [maybe] I need God?” From this point she began her quest to simply discover more about the Lord. Because she loves music, her first church experience was with a friend here in Nashville, one where she says she “came for the worship and stayed for the sermon.” For more than a year, she went to church, listened in on prayer groups, and simply allowed herself to be curious about God and open-minded to the possibilities of faith. At that point, she admits she didn't know she was seeking Jesus, but simply wanted to know more about God and this church community. In spite of not understanding Jesus as Lord – and being resistant to it, at times – she approached the Bible with a blank slate attitude and asked any and all questions she had about God and the Christian life. “I gave myself permission to be a freshman and have childlike faith. I think God wants [us] to ask the hard questions and hash out [our] doubt with him.” Then after a year of searching, praying, and opening her mind to new possibilities of who God is and who he could be in her life, Leanne's eyes were opened to full truth of the gospel. But from there it wasn't all magically easy. Even after surrendering to Jesus, she says a lot of the darkness and shame she'd been living with came to the surface. She'd given up old coping mechanisms and was left to hold hard emotions as she faced some difficult things from the past. But even in those initial days, she speaks of “a sense of peace I can't describe.” From there Jesus began to transform her heart, and subsequently, she began to change the way she does business, the way she dates, and how she relates to others in her life. She began to see miraculous flourishing as she surrendered her business, finances, and relationships to Jesus, results that “to the outside, may have looked like hustle and grind, but it was just the love and the grace of Jesus.” Leanne's journey to faith in Christ, and a life totally transformed and enriched as she's learned to follow him, will inspire absolutely anyone seeking truth and peace in God. Whether a believer or not, steady in your faith or skeptical, Leanne's story attests to the power of pursuing the one true God and how walking with him brings hope, peace, and self-acceptance in every facet of our lives unlike anything we can muster up ourselves.   Honest and real, Leanne is a light to all around her. Don't miss how Christ has changed her heart, her business, and her life!

Leanna Ellington grew up what she calls a “couch potato kid.” From a young age she was overweight, even attending her first Weight Watchers meeting at just 8 years old. As a young adult, after years under the control of diet mentality and chronic shame, her whole life revolved around how she looked and what she ate.  Can't all of us identify with this toxic struggle to enjoy food but also stay thing and look how our inner critics tell us we should look?? Well, near the end of her college years, Leanne hit a breaking point. She did a drastic diet and lifestyle overhaul and lost nearly 1/3 body weight (about 100 pounds) in her early 20s. From there forth, she operated under a “results rollercoaster," leaving her more fit than she'd ever been but also victim to a self-rejecting relationship with her body and habits of disordered eating.  After several years of nutritional and biological education, teaching, and even starting her own “Not your average bootcamp” business at home in Orlando, Leanne found the body she'd always wanted and a career she'd never dreamed of! She was a huge success, drawing thousands of women to her teaching, studio, and platform under the “fat girl to fit girl” narrative. She even launched a corporate fitness business which afforded her regular spots on CNN and Fitness Rx. Even still, her whole life felt plagued with imposter syndrome. Externally, she was healthy and killing it. Internally, she was still stuck. “I felt like a fraud. I had paid the ‘cost of skinny.' I majorly hurt myself [and my body] and was so focused on being skinny and lean and fit, that I didn't listen to my body and ended up needing major spin surgery.” She still didn't like who she was. “I looked in the mirror and had the body I'd always wanted. My arms were toned; my stomach was flat, but inside, I just knew nothing had really changed.” From here, Leanne started a deep dive into the concept of “self-image” and spent several years studying psychology, behavior science, and neuroscience to better understand how they contribute to body image. Her true crisis wasn't just with food; it was how her relationship with food was marring her identity. Now, Leanne's business and podcast, Stressless Eating, combines philosophies from all of her studies as well as her decade long, personal journey to 3-dimensional health (physical, mental, social-emotional). Her work is a systematic approach, enabling and shepherding women toward the multifaceted health freedom she's found and guiding them into a new paradigm through which to relate to food. Leanne reminds us that the eating problem is really "a thinking problem!” Our mindset shifts are everything, and the keys to stressless eating start here! Free webinar @ www.stresslesseating.com & Stressless Eating Podcast

In our third “behind the scenes” look at NaSHEville's three missions, this week we hear all about Brooke's personal adoption story of her daughter, Louie. Her, at times heartbreaking, but ultimately overwhelmingly joyous journey to and through adoption gives us insight into all the “birth pains” that this process demands. And while data estimates around 60% of Americans have had some sort of experience related to adoption, many of us still know all too little about the process. Here are some basic stats: In the United States alone, 135,000 children are adopted every year. Each day there are around 430,000 children in foster care. A typical agency Home Study can take roughly about 6-8 weeks to complete. The full adoption process can take from 12 months to many years. The costs for all facets of adoption services can range from $5,000-$50,000+ depending on a number of circumstances. With all these variables and uncertainties, many families are left wondering: can we really do this? Even if we feel called toward adoption, is it possible and is it worth the heartache and financial strain that seems to often mark the process? Brooke admits that “this was the first time in my life I truly had to give up control; it truly was in God's hands.” But in spite of the legitimate fears that her adoption could fall through, when asked was this the right decision, the answer continues to stand a resounding, “yes!” She says, “We could have over-thought the decision to death, but when God tells you to move, just move.” And as he does when we follow, he showed up in countless crazy, divine ways, leading them to a successfully finalized adoption. Brooke gives us insight into their consideration of international vs. domestic adoption, the initial anxiety of meeting and getting to know their birth mom, and how they intentionally included their biological son throughout the entire process. Despite significant legal setbacks at several points in their fight to finalize Louie's adoption, Brooke says nothing has laid the foundation for greater faith and discipline in all aspects of her life than the adoption process. It's an arduous walk that demands faith and endurance and selflessness, but as Brooke so beautifully reminds us, adoption in and of itself is a living “picture of the gospel.”

Though many of you have followed NaSHEville and She's in the City for a while now, for both our long-term friends and our new ones, we want to spend some time taking a deeper look at the missions closest to our heart: trafficking victims, widows, and orphans and vulnerable children. This week the host becomes the guest, and Mattie shares her story of growing up in the spotlight and how her family's platform enabled her to speak publicly about the tragic loss of her husband, Ben. From the first days of building NaSHEville, widows have been on our hearts, because Scriptures reveals over and over again how close they are to God's hearts: “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.” Isaiah 1:17 “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27 What many don't know is that Mattie's husband accident happened after NaSHEville was already in the works. All of the sudden she found herself widowed at 28 with an organization already committed to serving women across the country who were now just like her. Mattie shares about the twelve day battle of praying and hoping for her husband's healing, and how ultimately, she didn't get the miracle from God she and countless others had been praying for. Since then she has walked out nearly three years of grieving for the world to witness, hoping above all else to point anyone suffering back to Jesus, the only One able to heal our deepest wounds. “Ben was the love of my life. I lost my best friend, my marriage, and a lot of myself on the day he died. And while I've since questioned and bargained with and gotten angry at God for letting Ben go, I have also never known him or trusted him or relied on him more deeply than I do today. The valley of the shadow of death is a real place we will all face if not once, many times, in our lives. But God is just as gracious in the valley as he is on mountaintops, if not more! And hear me: Christ is more than enough to endure anything you may face.”

Though many of you have followed NaSHEville and She’s in the City for a while now, for both our long-term friends and our new ones, we want to spend some time taking a deeper look at the missions closest to our heart: trafficking victims, widows, and orphans and vulnerable children. This week we sit down with Leslie Eiler Thompson, who works with End Slavery Tennessee and hosts their podcast, Someone Like Me. As our primary partner for human trafficking, End Slavery has been a pivotal pioneer in not just the local, but also the national, fight against trafficking, a term in and of itself that wasn’t even used or recognized until the last decade. Because of their work alongside many other advocate groups, sex trafficking is now legally defined as:   any commercial sex act that involves force, fraud, or coercion or the exchange of value; and ALL commercial sex acts involving minors End Slavery not only fights for victims’ rights by way of national policy and legislation reform, but they are also the first point of contact for trafficking victims in Middle Tennessee. They bring a full circle approach to the fight, offering everything from education and public advocacy, to prevention, training, and holistic, trauma informed treatment and rehabilitation for victims in their care and their programs. If you’ve seen social media campaigns on trafficking or have it on your heart to learn more, don’t miss this episode where we get an inside look at what it’s really like. We explore questions like: What demographics are being trafficked? What are the red flags? What is the survivor’s journey to healing like once they are rescued? How crucial is community for their recovery? How does the average person help? Much like poverty and world hunger, the only approach to fighting this evil and serving its victims is to start locally, right here at home. Thanks to organizations like End Slavery, we can!

For the third and final week of our mini-series on Christian sexuality, we get the inside scoop from Hayley Thoen on her “backwards” journey to find faithful sexuality. We know Hayley from her role in the recent Netflix series, Marriage or Mortgage (episode 7), where she and her then fiancé, Andrew, are vocal about their choice to live separately in order to keep from having sex until they’re married. So, to be on a show where you either get to choose a dream home or dream wedding, you’d think the choice to hurry up and get married would be pretty easy, right?  Well, no spoilers here, so go watch the show or listen to this episode to see what they picked. What you won’t find on the show though is the crazy and courageous journey Hayley and Andrew took to arrive at their choice for abstinence until marriage. While the show suggests they had been waiting for marriage from the start of their relationship, Hayley tells us quite a different story.   Their timeline goes like this: February 2016 – they meet August 2016 – they move in together October 2018 – they get engaged August 2019 - they come to faith, are baptized, stop having sex, and Andrew moves out Fall 2019 – they film the show  So, what sparked their hard turn away from casual sex in their relationship and their tough decision to stop sleeping and living together? When the couple got engaged, they sat down and picked a wedding date. But it was the next question they asked that day changed their lives forever. “We had no idea who we could ask to marry us.” With neither of them being part of a church, they began visiting different ones around Nashville in hopes of finding a church home and someone to officiate the wedding. What they found was an entirely new understanding of faith, of God’s design for sex and marriage, and deep, life-changing relationships with Jesus that neither of them had experienced before. I couldn’t love Hayley and her story more. She is honest about wanting to choose what was logistically easiest, and honestly “logical,” over what she knew the Bible says about sex. She encourages women who might be feeling like they want to hold off from sex with a partner but are afraid having that conversation could compromise the relationship. And she’s so real with us about how sexual temptation is a struggle too big for any of us to handle on our own without the grace of God and without community. When I asked Hayley if, today, she’d say their choice to hit pause physically and start, what she called, “actually dating again” during their engagement was the right choice, she gave a quick “absolutely!” Not only did their decision strengthen their faith as individuals and as a couple, she also attributes the emotional depth and trust and communication they gained over their year and a half of celibacy to taking sex off the table. “I think we were using sex to cover up [all our other issues],” she said. “Once that was off the table, that’s when we really began to grow.” This girl is honest, courageous, and so generous to share her story and encourage anyone in a place of sexual struggle or guilt or questions. And she’s emphatic – she’s here for you if you need her: DM Hayley @hayleythoen ! Join her at Zeal Church in Nashville

Kat Harris is a podcaster, author, and full-time photographer in New York City. Ten years ago, she launched her account, The Refined Woman, which began as a style blog for those seeking fashion advice by way of her work in the NYC fashion world. But with time, Refined Woman turned into a much more personal platform, where she began sharing the ups and downs of her dating life as a Christian woman, saving sex for marriage, in a world of hook-up culture. From there she has gained a tremendous following, with women all over the world coming to her for dating advice, encouragement, and a safe place to break the shame and isolation that we often experience as Christian women surrounding sex and sexuality. Her first book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex, released April of this year, addresses everything you can imagine about what God and Scripture have to say about sex and how she found her ultimate “why” to stay committed to a sexless life in New York City. Phase 1 – The Deconstruction When Kat suffered a tough breakup in her late twenties, she asked herself: “Why am I really holding off on sex when everyone around me (Christian and non) seems to be fine with having it?” She realized she just didn’t know what she believed anymore or why. Her break up and subsequent deep dive into what the Bible has to say about sex led her down a five-year journey of deconstructing what she had for so long assumed to be true and seeking out what God really says about sex and sexuality. “I grew up in purity culture, being taught [without question] to save sex for marriage and that my body is inherently bad, so I should cover it up.” Kat wondered, is all of this still true? I can’t really be the only one asking these questions, right? So, she took a leap. She decided to trade in legalism and strategic rule-bending and self-righteousness for the risk of asking hard questions. And her book invites us to do so right along with her. Phase 2 – The Reconstruction What she found when she began to break down the truths about biblical sex and sexuality is that there’s actually more freedom in God’s design for sex than she ever imaged. She studied everything from scripture to science, sought out both biblical and secular perspectives on sex, and talked with thousands of people, both who believe and who don’t, who are abstinent and regularly sexually active, to find out what they believed and why.  She discovered that much of the science surrounding sexual pleasure actually backs up what scripture teaches on the power and beauty of monogamy and marriage. She reminds us that though we often associate sexuality as sinful and something to be kept apart from the spiritual, they both are fundamentally designed to point us to God and the deep connection we all desire to have with him. She gives a fresh and completely scripture-based assurance that God designed sex and sexuality with intention. She encourages us to invite God into our sexual lives, both into the good parts and to the areas where we struggle, because he created it. “God doesn’t make bad things. He created the body [and all its parts] before the fall.”  Ultimately, she offers a liberating perspective on sexuality for those of us who aren’t married because sexuality means so much more than physical sex. “If sexuality was a book,” Kat tells us, “sex would just be one chapter.”  Part 3 - The Practical So, this is all great in terms of reworking our biblical understanding of sex and sexuality, but as Christians pursuing biblical sexual ethics, how can we live that out obediently without feeling awkwardness or shame? Or as she puts it, “what does it mean [practically] for a single woman in her sexual prime who is seeking God, striving to abstain from sex outside of marriage, and feeling all the feels?” It means an invitation to ask why. For every belief you hold or boundary you choose to set for yourself and your sexual ethic, ask the hard questions. What do you believe God intends sex to be? Does the Bible back that up? Do you want or not want to live out these ideas? Who do you want to be sexually? Does whatever you’re participating in sexually help you move toward that? But ultimately, God is more concerned with our hearts than our behavior modification.

This week we are about to get crazy, y’all. We’re diving into a quick mini-series on the ultimate taboo yet most universally human topic – sex. No, not the mechanics of it or politicized issues surrounding sex and sexuality, but we want to take a fresh look at what God intends for sex and sexuality. Why? Because we love God, and sexuality and sexual desire is something that every single human being experiences on the reg!   In her book, Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality, Rachel Joy Welcher steps up to the plate and does a beautiful job tackling what is biblically true about sex. She also dives into ideas and messages, that though well-intended and based on scripture, were mistaught, misapplied, and ultimate mislead millions of youth over the past several decades of Christian “purity culture.”  What led her on this daunting public journey to rediscover true Christian sexual ethics? She herself was a product of the “true love waits” movement of the 90s and early 2000s, obeying the teaching’s rules and saving herself for marriage. But when after five years, her husband renounced his faith and divorced her, it left here without any idea how to live out faithful sexuality outside the bounds of marriage. She was in her late twenties, no longer a virgin, what she’d been taught made her “pure,” and felt that “there wasn’t really a category for what [she] was going through.”  So many of us can relate to feeling alone and in this position. Whether single, widowed, or divorced, what does faithful sexuality look like when we’re no longer teenagers and when marriage feels less and less like an option? Or what about when sexual expectations within a marriage don’t measure up, leaving us disappointed and in pain? After her divorce, Rachel went on a quest to find these answers, and many more. Not only did she re-read the purity culture books from her youth to see where they fell short of the truth of the gospel, but she also wrote her entire doctoral dissertation on the topic! In Talking Back to Purity Culture, Rachel addresses so many of the shaming, fear-based messages that the movement taught young Christians and she gives us a fresh, grace-filled perspective on the daily struggle it is to be a sexual human being who loves God. A few of the many topics she covers include: 1. The dangers of idolizing virginity. 2. Sex is a gift, but it is not a reward for good behavior or a guaranteed human right. 3. Sexuality isn’t sinful! 4. How to talk to our kids about sex and help them to expect their sexuality, not suppress it.  No matter what stage of life or where we find ourselves relationally, Rachel addresses so many of the white-elephant issues that we shy away from as a Church. She reminds us that her ultimate goal is to address what we got wrong about true Christian sexuality, not in order to shame or blame, but so that we can do better moving forward. “I would love to see us be more honest in our community and to realize that sexuality is common to all of us. It was part of what it means to be human.” And ultimately, that our purity and worth come from Jesus, and Jesus alone. Follow Rachel: @racheljwelcher https://www.racheljwelcher.com/

“MY WHOLE LIFE I’VE ALWAYS BEEN A RISK TAKER. WHICH MEANS, WITHIN THE CHRISTIAN LIFE, IT’S NOT REALLY THAT RISKY. IF GOD’S LEADING YOU, THERE’S ADVENTURE ON THE OTHER END OF THOSE LEAPS OF FAITH.” BE THE VESSEL For Beth Guckenberger and her husband, much of that adventure began in Mexico, where they lived and raised a family for 15 years. “WHAT WE KNEW FOR SURE IS THAT WE WANTED AN UNCONVENTIONAL LIFE.” When the couple felt what Beth described as “a magnetic force toward something they couldn’t see but couldn’t deny” – the pull of the Holy Spirit – they pulled all of their savings and went to Mexico with the goal of serving orphans and vulnerable children. Did they have a plan? Sure. Though it was anything but complete blueprint. Did they have funds? Sure. But only to last them one year. Since their move over 25 years ago, Beth and her husband have launched Back2Back Ministries, which has grown into an international non-profit serving orphans, vulnerable children, and the communities in which they live. Today it is in over nine countries around the world, operating with millions of dollars in budgets each year. Looking back, Beth reminds us: If we follow these prompts in spirit, “God is there to do work far broader and deeper than we could do ourselves. He’s just looking for a ready vessel who will stand in the right place, at the right time. And twenty-five years later, that’s still my story.” SUPER-MOM On top of serving countless children around the globe, Beth is also a biological, adoptive, and foster mom to 11 kids – 7 girls, 4 boys – from 17-34 years of age. Because of their experience as foster and adoptive parents, Back2Back has since developed a curriculum, Trauma Free World, for parents fostering or adopting kids with informed trauma. RECKLESS FAITH First and foremost, Beth talks about how the call to “wait on the Lord” doesn’t mean stagnancy. It’s not a stillness, like inactivity. It’s a stillness rooted in trusting the faithfulness and power of God to empower us as we take bold steps. As well as his power to re-direct us if and when we do move into the wrong directions. Beth’s 40-day devotion, Reckless Faith: A 40 Day Journey to Saying Yes, is a practical supplement to her original memoir, Reckless Faith: Let Go and Be Lead, and offers not just insights into how Jesus has brought adventure in her own life, but also applicable ways to say yes to reckless faith in our own every day walk with Christ. “BIG STORIES GET TOLD THROUGH A BUNCH OF SMALL YES.” She also reminds us that reckless faith doesn’t always mean “high volume.” It doesn’t always look bold and loud. Your adventure is the exact, perfect one God has tailored for you. But get excited! Because where your reckless faith takes you is somewhere no one else has been before. As Beth says, “Sister, if I can do it, you can do it.”

Just as so many of you are, Courtney Burg is a season of life that often feels, as she has coined it, like “mombo jombo.” As a writer, PhD student, and mom of four, her days are filled with all the beautiful, exhausting, messy blessings that mom-life has to offer. But over the past several years, her work and her message has gone far beyond just the mom-blog sphere. Courtney shares with us how at five months into marriage, she finally addressed an alcohol and pill addiction she’d been battling for years, and with kind help from her husband, went to rehab. Writing and journaling quickly became a crucial part of her sobriety journey, and the tender words she originally wrote to heal herself are now actively helping to heal others – not just from substance addiction, but from the addictions of busyness, achievement, and a consuming desire to feel needed by others. Even in her sobriety, Courtney still felt burdened by deep shame, and as she started unpacking that shame with others (personally and on Mombo Jombo blog/social media), she began to find some freedom. Much of the work she does now via Mombo Jombo and in her online workshops centers around boundaries, a concept we hear about a lot but often don’t take the time to address honestly in our own relationships. “Boundaries is not just pushing people [out of our lives],” Courtney explains. “Setting boundaries is God’s work. It’s loving. It’s how I can help you without hurting both of us. It’s how I can be the best steward of the time, talents, and treasures that God has given me. It helps me know what’s mine and not mine to fix.” Because we are finite, flawed humans, no relationship will ever be perfect. We know this. But where is the line between sacrificial love that the Bible calls us to, and the kind of self-sabotaging love that leaves us over-extended and resentful? What do healthy boundaries look like, and is setting them really the way we best care for ourselves and love our people well? Courtney walks us through these tough questions and many more! There is hope and encouragement for any woman, in any season in this week’s episode, whether struggling to set boundaries with others or to understand “who am I when I’m not _________?” – fill in the blank!  Where to find Courtney?www.mombojombo.org @courtneyjburg   A few of Courtney’s favs:Boundaries, Henry Cloud Atomic Habits, James Clear

If there’s ever been a year to turn our understanding of work, of faith, and in many ways, of life in general upside down, it’s been this past one. Many are out of employment, furloughed, or working hours on end at home. For some of us, we’ve jumped more fully into the arms of the Lord, but for some, we’re doubting his goodness more than ever. As women, as a nation, and as a world, we have found ourselves in an uncomfortable, prolonged IN-BETWEEN PLACE.  So, what better She’s in the City guest this week than two-time author, Bible teachers, speaker, and entrepreneur/businesswoman, Kat Armstrong, whose latest book, released January 2021, explores just that. It’s entitled The In-Between Place: Where Jesus Changes Your Story. She brings just the prayer and the perspective and the encouragement we need as continue headlong into this next year.  In the book Kat dives right into the in-between places we all face – places of doubt, pain, uncertainty, waiting, shame, you name it! She walks us through the story of a woman in scripture who felt a lot like we do in our own tough seasons – depleted and stuck. And she reminds us in powerful, biblically rooted ways that we are not doomed to relive the same cycles of disappointment and worry, because God is a powerful and creative God. And more times than not, right in the middle of our in-between places is where Jesus shows up in radical ways. Sometimes to change our circumstances, but always to change us if we’re willing to let him. We talk about why waiting, though we don’t love doing, it is such a crucial part of establishing our faith and that, when surrendering our uncertain seasons to the Lord, we can: 1. Make peace with our past 2. Find hope in our present 3. Step confidently into our future  Whether you’re in an in-between moment in your life right now or not, this episode is a much-needed encouragement as we all continue to face uncertainties of the pandemic. Thank you, Kat, for your powerful and timely message!  Follow Kat @katarmstrong1 and get a free signed copy of The In-Between Place: Where Jesus changes Your Story @ https://www.polishedonline.org/join-the-network.

Have you ever felt like you were moving forward yet nagged by a sense that you were driving in the wrong lane? You can see success and measure progress, but the farther you go, the more you begin to realize, “Maybe I want to be going a different direction?” If so, this week’s guest knows just how you feel, and her story of professional and personal re-routing and resilience is exactly what you need to hear, so you can make whatever life U-turn you’re nervous to make.  Singer songwriter, Brit Taylor, came to Nashville thirteen years ago from her home in eastern Kentucky. Country music was her past, present, and as she knew from an early age, it was going to be her future. So, she did the tough, boots-on-the-ground work, playing bars on Broadway for ten years while completing her music business degree and juggling a budding career as a songwriter.  Though she was thrilled to be paid to write music as a young 20-something, the publishing company she’d signed with “strongly suggested” she pursue playing with a band rather than as a solo artist because “women weren’t making it solo in country music.” Just thankful for the work and eager to make connections, she obliged and continued writing but only performing with her two male bandmates. She was certainly moving forward, but quickly started to question if she was headed the right way. “Everything was exactly the way that I wanted it, planned it,” Brit tells us. “I had it all – the marriage, the career – everything I’d asked God for for so long.” Until she realized, it wasn’t at all everything she wanted. “I realized I was married to the completely wrong person. I was writing music that wasn’t true to who I was, who I wanted to be, or how I wanted to sound.” Not long after, her realized dreams became real-life disappointments. After his infidelity was revealed, her husband walked away from the marriage, and she fearfully yet boldly walked away from her publishing deal. Brit then found herself at true rock bottom – without a partner, without a job, and at risk of losing her house. For the first time, she knew what she did not want for her life. Now, she “needed to figure out what way [she] wanted to go with [her] music.” Brit’s story reminds us of the great power found in knowing what’s wrong before we can confidently know what’s right. Sometimes we don’t know what to pursue until we know what to walk away from. “It’s crazy what you can do when you hit rock bottom.” Enter Real Me, her first solo album, released November 2020. This record is as real, as honest, and as true country as it gets. Once she broke free from the molds corporate country was trying to put her in, Brit finally found the power of her own voice as a songwriter, artist, and woman. “You can’t stand out and fit in a box at the same time.” Once Brit stopped making music to try to fit into a category or meet others’ expectations, she could finally make music she loved without wondering where it would fit. Every track tells stories that are tough but true, worthy of both sadness and celebration. And in both the playful songs and heartbreak ballads, she assures listeners, “everything was definitely written in hope.” Where to find Brit: https://www.brittaylormusic.com/ @brittaylormusic Real Me

I’m not broken, I’m not done I get up more than I’m knocked down Put myself right back the way I was found I have scars, you know I’ve sinned But they’re just souvenirs from where I’ve been The cracks just let the light come in, I’m not broken Who else feels like this is their mantra?? Maybe from a sickness or anxiety or the aftermath of 2020’s disruption and uncertainty? Maybe you’re grieving a friendship or the loss of a marriage like this week’s guest, Sarah Jane Nelson? Either way, hear us say – YOU’RE NOT BROKEN! You’re not done! Sarah Jane knows this painfully hopeful refrain all too well and the fingerprints of her own story of heartbreaking infidelity and divorce are all over her album released June of 2020, I’m Not Broken. “I had been telling other people’s stories [for a long time],” Sarah Jane tells us referring to her years of performance on Broadway, “and now I’m telling my own. And I’ve got some pretty big dreams for it.”  As a forty-year-old single mom with two kids, Sarah Jane is the picture of what grit and unwavering commitment to a dream looks like. I’m Not Broken is the result of six years of totally transparent effort to process her own pain and to “reveal the universal truths of people struggling to find hope as their fantasy falls apart.” All of our fantasies have fallen apart somewhere along the line. All of us need to remember, we’re not broken, and the cracks really are where the brightest light comes in.  The 12-track album is not to be missed and will bring life to any and every woman questioning how she’ll survive and if her story is worth telling. Spoiler alert: you will, and it is!   When the title track, “I’m Not Broken” was released, messages flooded Sarah’s inbox with women replying, thanking her, and sharing how they’ve survived their own broken stories. “Shame on all those people who said I shouldn’t sing my story…I have something to say that needs to be said, and there’s people that would like to hear it.” We all do! And finding other women out there who can stand with us and who have walked and endured the tough roads that lie ahead of us is crucial. Sarah wraps it up best:  “Admitting that I’ve gone through struggle – I don’t see that as weakness. I see that as strength.”  And we know well, we’re all stronger together. Where to find Sarah Jane: Website and join her email list & Patreon group to get updates and pre-order her new album, Shelby Park!

I could not think of a better topic to re-start She’s in the City in 2021 than: STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP AND TAKE BACK YOUR JOY! “Wow,” you’re probably thinking, “that’s exactly how I’m feeling. But how on earth do I do that??”  Well, psychologist, life coach, and best-selling author, Valorie Burton, is here to tell us. Her most recent book, Let Go of the Guilt, gives us practical insight on how to do just that. She’s a 13-time author whose work is a combination of research, faith, and personal transparency, and we love her. Throughout her career, she’s focused much of her research and teaching on resilience, happiness, and guiding people into their greater potential, and GETTING UNSTUCK!  The reason she wrote the book? She feels guilty too! Why? Because we all do!! All the time!  “The catalyst for the book was truly the feeling of this consistent heavy sigh I felt from most of the women in my life – and felt myself,” Valorie says.  We all live with guilt for different reasons – a heavy, shameful, sometimes even crippling guilt that can leave us feeling, exhausted, negative, and stuck. We have found ourselves ransomed by the endless “I should’s” of life, and it’s time we learned which ones are real and which ones we need to let go of so we can take back our joy. Valorie separates guilt into two practical categories for us: Authentic guilt à meaning we really did something wrong that we need to own and make retribution for, something she calls a spiritual guide or conviction False guilt à meaning we are self-imposing the should’s or shouldn’t have’s on ourselves and letting them steal our joy, something she calls a spiritual detour or false narrative **Hear more on these concepts at minute 20   “Guilt is not always about feeling indebted to another person, often it is about feelings of not measuring up to our own expectations, including expectations we believe God has for us.”  Not only does she examine the difference between authentic and false guilt, she also offers a simple, four-step tool to assess and free ourselves from false guilt! I won’t spoil it all here, but you can bet at the heartbeat of the process is self-awareness and self-compassion. You do not want to miss this empowering, encouraging, and practical episode with Valorie. If the start of a new year isn’t the time to let go of the guilt when is? Where to find Valorie: www.valorieburton.com @valorieburton 6 week video study of Let Go of the Guilt with book purchase @ here Valorie’s podcast, Positively Psyched

Ever wondered what it’s like inside the grueling tryouts and competitions of American Idol? This week on She’s in the City, we get the inside scoop from Season 18 contestant, Lauren Mascitti. This girl is as talented and genuine as they come, and in being raised by her beloved grandparents was indoctrinated into gospel and classic country music from a young age. Much like us she loves Dolly, Patsy, Crystal Gayle, Linda Ronstadt, and Dawn Sears of The Time Jumpers, which she encourages all of us to check out. She gives us inside scoops on Nashville’s hallmark Station Inn and shares what great power she believes sorrowful ballads hold in breaking isolation and healing our heartaches. E.g. her own Ballad of a Broken Heart and Losing My Mind. "I'm an old soul," Lauren admits, "and everything I really love tends to come from a time that's before my own." But how did all this nostalgic sound and songwriting go over on American Idol, you wonder? Well as many of us remember, Lauren’s surge toward success came on the heels of her watershed performance on the show, God Made a Woman, a biblically rooted song inspired by and written much about her grandmother, Nana, who raised her. Lauren admits her hesitance to pursue the American Idol competition, one that tends to lean more toward modern music and artists, but her courage to stick to her style and perform her own song in lieu of mainstreams options the judges encouraged paid off. She made a bold move and took the stage with just her guitar and a song so personal and close to home, and the reaction was overwhelmingly positive!  Not only did God Made a Woman receive a standing ovation from all three American Idol judges, it surged to #18 on iTunes country singles charts and brought the whole album for which this song is the title track to #4 along with it. Even after being cut in the Top 20 round of the show, Lauren’s performance of God Made a Woman now has over seven million views on YouTube, Facebook, all the platforms and her album continues to see great success.  Even though she didn’t end up where she wanted in the American Idol running, she tells us, the Lord used that song and that experience to take her even greater places.  “I went into with the feeling that if He wants me to go further in it, I will. And if He doesn’t, there’s probably something down the road He’s protecting me from. It’s really all about trusting the Lord.” Amen, Lauren! Thank you for your talent, your heart, and your voice. Where to follow Lauren and her music: @lauren_mascitti_music https://www.laurenmascitti.com/

DO NOT MISS THIS WEEK’S PODCAST INTERVIEW!   Why? Because I personally follow, love, and applaud this bold, direct, honest woman of faith. Blake Guichet is the founder and voice of Confessions of a Crappy Christian podcast. She loves Jesus, people, tough conversations, and alliteration (see podcast title), and we sit down to talk about all the things “good Christians” aren’t supposed to. Guess that’s why we’re crappy, huh? When Blake got into podcasts several years ago, she found a lack of content for Christian women who wanted to discuss traditionally taboo issues. There were plenty of somewhat polished, fluffy, women’s ministry options, but none that talked about the tough issues that we face in real day to day life. Her approach?  “If you can’t find it, make it,” she tells us. She wanted the conversations she was already having in inner circles to be had in public circles. Crappy Christian was her opportunity to lead honest conversations among Christian women and connect with them about things the Church doesn’t traditionally talk about. i.e. sex, money, politics, and resisting mob social media and outrage culture just to name a few.  Why hasn’t the church talked about these topics? Is it because no one has done it well before? Or that no one wants to be the first to shake the status quo or choose vulnerability over airs of false perfection? If you take one thing away from this week, hear this:  As believers, us being honest that we’re unpolished and “crappy” is more of an invitation for others to consider the gospel than is us trying to look like we’re doing everything right. Our crap can bring people to the truth about Jesus and spur them to surrender their lives and crap to him too! Don’t miss this week as Blake doubles down on both sex and politics. A brief teaser here: Sex, including her 5-part podcast series let’s talk about sex series; her joint battle to #normalizeChristianPDA with America’s fav, DJ Tanner (aka Candace Cameron Buce); and how to talk about and make sexuality less taboo with your kids. Politics, including how to be vocal and factual in sharing political preferences and perspectives without speaking out of emotion; how to align grace and truth as part of public political conversations; how we must maintain human compassion and empathy for all candidates (who are both crappy and made in the image of God) and the importance of voting policy over personality.  If you too wonder about the hard topics that the Church often hushes and can’t seem to pinpoint our role in them as Christian women, don’t miss this episode. Blake is everything we believe women who are in the world but not of it should be. Follow Blake @thegirlnamedblake, @crappychristianco, and https://www.crappychristianco.com/

How many times per day do we scroll? And how many times after scrolling, do we walk away feeling lifted up, full of life, and grateful for all our abundant blessings? I’d say not nearly as often as we walk away with our heads hung and minds spinning around everything others have that we don’t. The ways others are built or dressed better than us. The amount of time others have to exercise or play or travel. The fact that others have a happy family or, on the flip side, singleness, and freedom. As much as we’d like to believe comparison and envy slow down after our teenage years, they don’t. The plaguing tendency to stare at someone else’s grass and obsess about how green it is follows us through every stage of life. Body image, relationships, parenting, careers, financial situations – the list of how we measure ourselves against others is endless. And what’s worse is that we all live in a world where everything is public. Everything is posted. Everything is followed and shared and liked or disliked. How are we supposed to find satisfaction with ourselves and our situations when most of what we see on social media is calculated, filtered, and framed? No wonder we end up envious and discouraged when we compare our real life, hope-no one-ever-sees-this bloopers, so someone else’s highlight reel? Social media is by no means the enemy, but the enemy sure uses it to come after our joy, contentment, and ultimately trust in the Lord. Most of us realize how much comparison can create distance, even bitterness, in our relationships and our marriages. But what we must also be careful of is that constant comparison and focus on what we don’t have, rather than what we do, can with time create distance between us and God too. He fashioned us fearfully and wonderfully into exactly who He intended us to be, and the more we zero in on all He “missed” or is withholding form us, the more we position ourselves to start trusting him less. On one hand, God knows every desire and disappointment of our hearts, and He can absolutely handle us bringing those to him in prayer! What we must be careful of is having the prayers for what we don’t have eclipse the countless “thank you’s” we owe him for what we do. Gratitude is the single most successful antidote to envy! Just like when we force a physical smile to keep us from feeling sad, there is power in choosing gratitude and rejoicing and celebrating with others even when they have something you don’t. It’s truly magic. When we show up and ask the Lord to give us joy for others in place of jealousy, God is faithful to provide it. And this is exactly how we will combat comparison and, in turn, start slowing addressing the depression, anxiety, and disappointments that envy feeds.

How many times per day do we scroll? And how many times after scrolling, do we walk away feeling lifted up, full of life, and grateful for all our abundant blessings? I’d say not nearly as often as we walk away with our heads hung and minds spinning around everything others have that we don’t. The ways others are built or dressed better than us. The amount of time others have to exercise or play or travel. The fact that others have a happy family or, on the flip side, singleness and freedom.   As much as we’d like to believe comparison and envy slow down after our teenage years, they don’t. The plaguing tendency to stare at someone else’s grass and obsess about how green it is follows us through every stage of life. Body image, relationships, parenting, careers, financial situations – the list of how we measure ourselves against others is endless. And what’s worse is that we all live in a world where everything is public. Everything is posted. Everything is followed and shared and liked or disliked.   How are we supposed to find satisfaction with ourselves and our situations when most of what we see on social media is calculated, filtered, and framed? No wonder we end up envious and discouraged when we compare our real life, hope-no one-ever-sees-this bloopers, so someone else’s highlight reel? Social media is by no means the enemy, but the enemy sure uses it to come after our joy, contentment, and ultimately trust in the Lord. Most of us realize how much comparison can create distance, even bitterness, in our relationships and our marriages. But what we must also be careful of is that constant comparison and focus on what we don’t have, rather than what we do, can with time create distance between us and God too. He fashioned us fearfully and wonderfully into exactly who He intended us to be, and the more we zero in on all He “missed” or is withholding form us, the more we position ourselves to start trusting him less. On one hand, God knows every desire and disappointment of our hearts, and He can absolutely handle us bringing those to him in prayer! What we must be careful of is having the prayers for what we don’t have eclipse the countless “thank you’s” we owe him for what we do. Gratitude is the single most successful antidote to envy! Just like when we force a physical smile to keep us from feeling sad, there is power in choosing gratitude and rejoicing and celebrating with others even when they have something you don’t. It’s truly magic. When we show up and ask the Lord to give us joy for others in place of jealousy, God is faithful to provide it. And this is exactly how we will combat comparison and, in turn, start slowing addressing the depression, anxiety, and disappointments that envy feeds.

This week we’re having some real talk with one of NaSHEville’s favorite gals, Lexy Burke. Her list of credentials runs long, but where we love to see her fingerprints is in her work as videography as well as her self-appointed role as a “serial tipper.” Among other things we talk all about embracing life’s propensity for surprise and new opportunities as well as living from a place of generosity and how powerful the simple act of random giving can be. This woman’s energy and why-not approach to life began with a “failed” acting career in her early twenties, a disappointment that ended up leading her to an unexpected passion for, degree in, and career in videography. “Letting go of an old dream in order to pursue something new can be the coolest thing ever,” she tells us. “It’s totally okay to have multiple dreams.” Haven’t we all lived this at some point? Especially in a year of such uncertainty and change. What has stalled you or felt like a failure this year that could be leading you into a new place in life? Step into it, sister! Lexy also shares about launching a brand-new business venture, The Pink House, immediately preceding the COVID shutdown and how this year’s top social platform, TikTok, brought her business back to life. This place is truly the NaSHEville dream house and the most perfect place to visit and continue supporting our city.  But one of the highlights of quarantine for me has been following @Lexylately and her TikTok Venmo challenge. With past experience in the hospitality industry, she has worried, as many of us have, for those whose incomes rely primarily on tips. She remembered a generous $1,000 tip she’d been given as a server years before and committed to pay that forward for those struggling during COVID. In May she began leveraging her social media platform and has since raised over $95,000 – 100% of which has been given to individuals in different facets of the service industry. She and her husband are still using their now 1.1 million follower community to generously give to real people in the real workplace here in Nashville. We are so inspired, grateful, and truly blown away by Lexy and her serial tipping in the midst of this uncertain pandemic season. The cherry on top of this outrageously generous campaign? Anyone and everyone can contribute to this serial goodness. What’s Lexy’s average Venmo donation amount? $0.50-$1.50. Even in a tough financial season, there are thousands of lives ready and needing to be blessed, and it takes so little from us. Her work has absolutely renewed my hope in the random goodness of people and the power we have, even as younger generations, to help in small, simple ways. It certainly doesn’t take much, but as her 70-plus, $1,000 tip recipients will attest, it means the world.  

What is unlocked? Every piece of our jewelry is made by a woman transitioning out of homelessness, using recycled materials to bring you jewelry that's better for people and the planet. ALEXIS COOK, CO-FOUNDER We love when beautiful things are used for beautiful reasons. Like handmade jewelry that employs and supports Nashville’s homeless. On this episode of She’s in the City, we sat down with Alexis Cook, Co-Founder of Unlocked Nashville, a social enterprise jewelry company that employs people transitioning out of homelessness. That’s right, not only do the company’s funds company go toward securing wages, housing, careers, community, and confidence for Nashville’s homeless, but the actual hands behind the product and names on the payroll have been hired off the streets and set in motion for hope of a better future.  A Nashville native with compassion for humanity and compulsion to initiate change, Alexis launched Unlocked last year, her senior year as an undergrad at Vanderbilt, at age 22. She’d studied human organization and economics, but getting out of the classroom and onto the streets (figuratively and literally) left Alexis with what she laughingly calls, “an MBA on the fly.” The year prior, she had been forced to take a medical leave of absence from school due to a debilitating battle with Lyme disease. In her “free time,” as she puts it, she didn’t wallow in bed or binge on Netflix. She walked the streets of downtown Nashville talking with and getting to know real people experiencing homelessness. She’d always had a heart for those living without homes and decided this was her chance to let them truly be seen and be heard. “At our core,” she says, “everyone’s the same.” UNFORESEEN FINANCING From there the story only gets crazier. A company whose business plan was scratched out in 30 minutes, sitting on a sidewalk curb while Alexis was locked out of her car, and whose start-up financing was a duffle bag of cash left to her at the verbal will of a dying homeless man himself – Unlocked is a story, a mission, and a brand you don’t want to miss! “We started the company because we care about our makers, “ Alexis told us. Neither her nor her business partner, Corbin, had any background in jewelry, fashion, or design. They started by having the homeless women they hired craft and sell necklaces, each of which comes with the maker’s personal signature and bio. They’ve since expanded to bracelets and earrings and are currently pursuing opportunities for an all-green line of product. “We love the idea that anyone can add beauty to the world, and that beauty can be found in the midst of anyone’s life or circumstances.” We couldn’t agree more! Check out Unlocked’s mission and beautiful handiwork, and never underestimate how little it takes to support those suffering homelessness in our city. HOW CAN WE HELP? To support Unlocked, you can: To support Unlocked, you can: -Read more and shop our website at becomeunlocked.com -Follow us on FB and IG @becomeunlocked -Join our newsletter here To support people experiencing homelessness you can: Look people in the eyes, smile, say a few kind words, and show them that you value them as a human Volunteer or donate to local nonprofits, focusing on organizations that emphasize dignity and sustainability in their approach Support local social enterprises Advocate for affordable housing by writing your local representatives, including your State Legislator and Council Member Support Housing First models Utilize the Work Opportunity Tax Credit to save your company money by hiring vulnerable people, including those transitioning out of homelessness

As believers we hear statements all the time that sound nice on paper but feel so difficult to live out. Speak the truth in love. Show a little grace. Hate the sin, love the sinner. But how can these ways of living that often feel contradictory play out together in real time? How do we live for and stand up for what Jesus teaches without being a jerk? How do we love with open arms those who are living far outside the bounds of biblical truth without condoning their choices? How do we live with a balance of Jesus’s truth and Jesus’s grace? As believers one of biggest battles we face with culture is that society doesn’t seem to embrace the “both/and” concept. It no longer sits well in a generous grey area when addressing dissention, disagreement, or ultimately any kind of opposing perspectives. It’s an us vs. them culture. We are politicized and polarized in every way. And one of my greatest grievances is that both secular and Christian culture now seem to expect a partisan vote from believers too. “Are you a grace Christian or a truth Christian?” We know without question the way of Jesus is to hold both equally, for ourselves and for others. But in a world where “truth Christians” are judgmental jerks and “grace Christians” tolerate everything in the name of love, how do we hold and live out both?  That’s exactly the real talk we’re having this week. In a time that seems to not just resist, but disdain, true biblical values and commands, how do we not shrink back and stay silent, and yet not drive people away? Full disclosure, we don’t have any fail-proof answers to these questions. But we do know the power in approaching with grace and encouraging with truth. Speaking truth in grace is so much less about the words than the posture. Is the log out of your own eye before you address the stick in your sisters? Can you exchange a pointed finger saying, “get out of there” for an arm wrapped around her saying, “I’ve been there.” Can the conversation begin not with “you’re doing this wrong,” but with “I’ve struggled here too.”  Whether we find ourselves in a tough conversation with a family member or friend, or whether we feel compelled to speak out on social issues that violate the truth of the gospel, our motivation should always be care, not condemnation. Because that’s how Jesus comes to us. We don’t have to be loud; we have to be loving. Because that’s how Jesus speaks to us. It is hard to actively and vocally follow the truths of scripture in 2020. In most ways on most days, it feels like an uphill battle that we may not win. But the ultimate truth is, we’re all totally broken, and the ultimate grace is that we’re all set free. My deepest hope is that we learn how to live in such a way that shows this beautiful “contradiction” to the world; that makes culture crave the grace to which we all have access and understand the truth of how to receive it in full.

Not everyone is a type-A planner. We know this. But we also know that as women who run companies, support charities, raise children, and keep households afloat, having a plan is how we make things happen. We crave plans because they offer us a delightful illusion of control. If I know what to do to make this right, maybe I won’t worry about what could go wrong? Right? Wrong. If this year has taught us anything, it’s that control is an illusion and plans are never concrete. They’re more like a map drawn in the sand on a windy day. Both as individuals and as a company, we’ve had to pivot and slow down and rethink how we serve, how we run, and how we facilitate community.  We’ve had personal setbacks and slowdowns to face and re-navigate. And like you we often feel like, “what’s the point?” Is it even possible or worthwhile to make plans with the way the world is right now?  While we can’t offer a fail-proof solution to these questions, we do want to shift the conversation a bit. What if we started focusing more on our purpose and less on our plans? What is the difference between plans and purpose? That’s exactly the real talk we’re having this week. Just as He has for us, we’re hoping God is prompting you to shift the paradigm from “what do I need to do” to “how do I need to approach what I’m already doing?” Don’t just ask, “what is my work to do?” Ask, “what is my purpose in the work that I’m doing?”  This isn’t an invitation to sit idle and not make goals or set expectations for yourself, your work, and your family. But it is an opportunity to let some of the pressure off in a time that we desperately want control but don’t have it. It’s a chance to live with more anticipation than anxiety. It’s an open door to see what God wants to do in you and through you, neither of which hinges on how well you execute your plans. Our ultimate purpose is, of course, to follow Jesus and live lives that point others to him. But I believe there is a specific, handcrafted, creative purpose for each of us too, one that God is on the edge of his seat to reveal to his daughters! And that purpose isn’t in contrast to your plans and work. It’s an incredible compliment to it.  When pursued on God’s terms, purpose weaves its way into the work you’re already doing. Finding purpose doesn’t always mean a huge life shift or change. Purpose isn’t a singular, major moment of revelation or an X-marks-the-spot of where you’re supposed to arrive. Purpose in this life, in God’s way and on God’s terms, is a continual uncovering of next steps, next adventures, next lessons to learn and causes to hold compassion for. Even if you find yourself in a conventional job or role that doesn’t feel like it carries much godly purpose, rest assured, it does! You are where you are first and foremost to love, interact with, and receive clients, co-workers, bosses, etc. as Jesus would. You’re there, second, to do your job.  There is such relief in this! No matter what you choose to do, how you succeed or fail, you can’t screw up God’s purpose of using you for your good and his glory. He’s got it! The ultimate good that comes in our lives isn’t going to be because we put it on the calendar or crossed it off a to-do list. It’s going to come from trust in God’s purposes beyond our own and in the patient enduring of the day to day; in the courage to take one small step forward without knowing the next five; and in being brave enough to move into unsure spaces with sure faith.

The current landscape of our culture has adopted some pretty disheartening and regrettably true monikers over the past decade, a decade redefined and reshaped by social media. Outrage culture. Cancel culture. Us against them. The list goes on and on.  And while genuine conflict with those we are in close relationship is both natural and often necessary, we’ve gone on full attack in this behind-the-screen war zone without any training for how to “fight well” online. True conflict can sharpen relationship. But is the social media boxing ring threatening the way we as a society, as individuals, and as people called to love our neighbors navigate disagreement? Let’s be perfectly clear: turmoil online is almost never the kind that sharpens or depends relationship. But it’s real, it’s rampant, and it’s right in front of us on a seemingly daily basis. Everyone has a voice, a keyboard, and a louder opinion than the next guy. This week on She’s in the City we dive into some hard, real talk on how to handle this online outrage culture as followers of Jesus. When do we turn the other cheek and when do we flip tables? How and when do we hold our tongues online and how and when do address antagonism aimed at us from others? A few things we’ve come up with: Do you have a real relationship with the person behind the post? Do they have your wellbeing in mind? Are your words intended to open minds or close doors? Are you offering a solution or just criticism? Have you taken time for the passion and emotional defenses to die down before responding? This is hard stuff, people! It’s easy and fairly low risk to fire bullets from behind a screen. Just as easy as it is to deflect any and all critic of yourself or your beliefs as misrepresented, misinformed, or just plain ignorant. But as those called to love not just friends but enemies, we must heed the difficult but humble words of Tim Keller:  “Getting defensive about criticism rarely, if ever, leads to healthy outcomes. It has also taught me that our critics, including the ones who mischaracterize and falsely accuse us, can sometimes be God’s instruments to teach and humble us as persons.” This is the last way we want to receive criticism. But it may, in fact, be the first step away from the battlefield of social media cancel culture, and we, as believers, should absolutely be on the front lines. For more great biblical insight on this topic, see Pastor Scott Saul’s latest blog post on “Internet Outrage, Public Shaming, and the Modern-Day Pharisee Phenomenon.”  

Peer pressure doesn’t end in high school. How much do we wish this statement weren’t true? How great would it be if the mean girls and homecoming courts and rush weeks really did stop after high school or college? As much as we long for comparison to miraculously dissipate post-classroom, we know all to well that real, adult life is laced with comparison, social expectation, and cultural demands to do and be more. Or be and do differently. This week on She’s in the City, Brooke and I have some real talk about how we’ve experienced peer pressure in a few (of endless) different areas. Social media and life beyond the squares I love the way Brooke is constantly reminding us, life is more than “the squares.” We live in an unprecedented time in which anything and everything we do can be cropped, filtered, and sugar-coated with the touch of a finger. And we’d be lying if we said we weren’t grateful for those precious apps that trim a bit of the fat off. But the pressure of social media comes not from the ability to spruce up our photos, rather from the pressure that comes when we start to associate the enhanced with the everyday.  Though we all know and implement the tricks of Instagram and other platforms, the more and more we scroll, the more inherently susceptible we become to assuming the squares not as filtered, but as expected and achievable realities.  When we look at the cover photo on the front of our favorite magazine (if you still buy magazines), we know the model or celebrity has been photo-shopped. Why not hold our social media friends to the same standard?  But here is the collective sigh of relief – we actually long for messy more than we long for perfection! When any of us throw up a no-holds-bar, no-makeup, all-this-s**t-is-real photo, people love it! They find hope and acceptance and a breath of fresh air in it. While we all feel the pressure of perfect squares, what we really crave is being seen exactly as we are and loved exactly where we are. This is the gospel! We’re enough when we feel we’re not, and Jesus likes all our photos without any filter. Social and political conversations Though social and political turmoil is far from novel in 2020, the unrest in our country right now is loud. With economic fears, racial tensions, and a coming election, our country is primed for another partisan showdown. From the start, NaSHEville has been clear that we are about people, not politics. But when so much of our politics are now about people, we are feeling incredible pressure both to stay silent and to speak out. We’re all trying to figure out the balance between listening and advocating, but the walls seem to be pressing in from every direction. How do we know our voice or role in tough social conversations? How can we know if our posts or opinions will be helpful or hurtful? How do we tell the truth of what the Bible teaches – about any topic – but maintain the gentleness and respect with which the Lord commands us to speak? The world wants us to be loud, no matter what we stand for. Shouting often feels like the only option. But we ultimately must go back to what scripture tells us again and again: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” –James 1:19 Notice our call is NOT to never speak or never get angry. It is to be slower to react than to lend your ear to another’s perspective. Don’t let the pressure to be loud leave you wishing you’d said nothing at all. We are lovers of all and advocates of truth. Sometimes that comes in different messages, at different times, with different tones, in different octaves. And all of that is okay. Hustle culture We’ve all read them, likely followed them, and at some point probably wondered, “why do I feel like anything but a #bossbabe??” The idea of hustle culture is such a fascinating phenomenon. A true case study for how good intentions can lead to toxic outcomes. Now don’t get me wrong. We love nothing more than a girl who lives into her dreams becoming a reality. That is worth toasting every time!  But there is real sinking sand when the mindset goes from “work hard unto the Lord” (Colossians 3:23) to self-reliance, self-promotion, and self-determination of ultimate worth and value. I know that may sound a bit extreme, but if you boil down the fluff behind much of the “motivation” and “inspiration” and “grind” of hustle culture, that’s generally what you’ll find. Success that is not only self-serving but also shaming to those who might not want the 24/7, #bossbabe lifestyle. Listen, no one was more powerful and creative and industrious than Jesus. But because of him, our worth is no longer attributed to our power, creativity, and ability to achieve. This is what’s lost in hustle culture, along with the imperative calls for rest and balance to compliment drive and hard work. Without rest, without humility, without having other priorities that give life in ways working hard can’t, we won’t build more. We will eventually burn out or lose sight of who we really are and from where true value comes in the process. This life we live is chock full of pressures, in a thousand ways and a thousand directions. The key is not ignoring them or dismissing them, but intentionally looking at the square or the comment or the boss babe and saying, “Is this genuine? Is this gentle? Is this something that will ultimately build up or tear down – both me and others?”

If you’re anything like us, this year continues to feel like one we’re just trying to survive. And if we’re honest, any ideas of thriving seem pretty off the table. But this week’s guest, Jennie Lusko, is here to put some fuel back in our tanks and remind us that every day provides space for us to flourish. In her recently published book, Fight to Flourish she grapples with the tough but literal life changing question: What if the struggles of life aren’t a barrier to thriving but an invitation into your most vibrant days? Jennie’s call to explore this biblical truth of sanctification through struggle came not just from her work in ministry, but from fighting through her own horrific heartbreak. Just a few weeks before Christmas 2012, Jennie and her husband very suddenly lost their five-year old daughter, Lenya. She knew well God was near, that she wasn’t alone, and that God loved her deeply, but still questions and sorrow plagued. “What does this mean? How do I keep going? How do I get up the next morning?” Over the course of the days, weeks, and years, Jennie knew these questions and the thousands more her family would face were going to demand a fight. It’s in that fight that she saw first hand, our most broken days are often the ingredients God uses to make our lives more abundant. Fight the Flourish chronicles her strain to endure the loss of her daughter and also equips us to face our own day-to-day battles. If we are relying on and abiding in Christ, the trials we face don’t have to beat us down. They can actually be seeds God plants and sows in order to make our lives richer. Even in the grief and the grind, we are growing more and more into the abundance Jesus promises.  “I used to think flourishing wouldn’t happen for me this side of heaven,” Jennie tells us. But the truth is we don’t just flourish once we get to eternity. We can flourish today, right now. We can live strong, vibrant, flourishing lives right in the midst of our struggle. The whole process of the growth is the flourishing. It’s not an arrival. It’s a marathon. It’s a fight. Often times we don’t even feel the growth, but there is peace in knowing and trusting that God is always at work.  Because God loves us, He is constantly training us for the trials we’ve not yet faced. When we live from a place of consistently rooting ourselves in Him, there’s no battle we can’t fight. We can’t live out of skepticism or fear for what might come, but there is great strength in “pre-loading God’s Word into our souls.” Find more on Fight to Flourish and Jennie’s ministry @ https://jennielusko.com/thefighttoflourish.  

As we approach the mid-point of 2020, I think we are all craving an intermission. Any sort of small break from quarantine, health threats, cultural crises and shutdowns. But even with the stress this year has incurred, it has also ushered in some time and margin to reset ourselves and our priorities if we’re willing to do a little work. This week we talk with Lisa Whittle, author, speaker, ministry leader, who shares her journey into writing (with 7 published books and studies under her belt) including her most recent publication, Jesus Over Everything. And isn’t this what we all need right now, sisters?!? Jesus over everything is a book, study, podcast, and absolute answer for uncluttering the crazy and deescalating the stress of this season. If this m.o. doesn’t get you on board, I don’t know what will: “IN A CULTURE THAT CARRIES THE CONFUSION OF OVERINDULGENCE, ENDLESS OPTIONS AND INFLUENCER VOICES, THE JESUS-FIRST LIFE CLEARS OUR MINDS AND HEARTS OF NOISE SO OUR SOULS CAN FIND TRUE MEANING AND REST.” I know what you’re thinking. This is too big an ask, will take too much time, and is a nice practice for people far more spiritual than I am. Like, “That’s a nice bumper sticker, but I don’t know if I can do it.” But Lisa says, you absolutely can. “I’m the biggest skeptic,” she admits, “but trust me, this is an actual, Word-ordained solution.” Lisa walks us through how to connect the dots of our legitimate, earthly complications and frustrations to the practice of putting Jesus over them all. Not as a bumper sticker, but as something real that we practice in our day-to-day and a posture out of which we can learn to live.  “IT’S NOT HYPER SPIRITUAL. IT’S A PRACTICAL, GOD-CONSTRUCTED WAY TO UNCOMPLICATED YOUR LIFE! IT CHANGES EVERYTHING. IT CHANGES YOUR YESES AND NOS. IT CHANGES YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND WHAT YOU’RE WILLING OR NOT WILLING TO PUT UP WITH. AND MORE THAN THAT, IT’S A SANITY SAVOR.”  Y’all, this will be a huge exhale for you! The literal release valve and palpable freedom that you’re craving. And it all starts with identifying out of place priorities and idols. Surrendering them, or literally putting them under Jesus. Obeying the things scripture calls us to, and sticking with it even through the discomfort of the process. If this still seems a little too holy to be real for you, go check out Lisa’s 6-weeks to Permanent Priority Shift Series on Jesus Over Everything podcast with practical steps, applications, and processes in the pursuit of putting Jesus over everything in your life. And the good news is, they’re quick, 5-8 minute power episodes! Don’t miss these crucial, direct, and digestible ways to re-set your priorities and un-complicate your life.  To wrap up Lisa gives us a couple of her go-to 5 Word Prayers. For all the busy mama’s, exec’s, and generally running around crazy SHE’S, find more than 200 hundred quick but Word-rich 5 word prayers here (episodes January-December 2018). Find all Lisa’s books, episodes, content, and ministry @ www.lisawhittle.com .

Well, it’s CMA Fest week, and for the first time in my literal lifetime, it’s not happening. We all hate it; Nashville hates it; country fans hate it. But in spite of missing our favorite Broadway weekend of the year, we’ve got one of the city’s most genuine, successful, talented female singer/songwriters with us today to talk all things music, creativity, and, you guessed it, Enneagram. You may not know Jessi Alexander, but you absolutely know her music. Born in Jackson, TN to what she calls a “blue collar but richly creative family,” music, particularly country music, captivated Jessi as a West Tennessee kid. She’s since been in Nashville for 20 years and has been a Grammy nominee as well as a CMA & ACM song of the year award winner. She’s written with and for a countless number of top tier recording artists, a few of which you might recognize: Miley Cyrus, 2009, "The Climb"      In her early twenties, Jessi found herself at rock bottom, struggling to keep her contract as a songwriter all while being her mother’s primary care taker as she battled and eventually passed away from ovarian cancer. She gives us the miraculous inside scoop on how this chart-topping, cross-genre hit of her lament and hopelessness in almost giving up her career actually buoyed her back into the success she’s sustained for the past decade. “I still marvel at that song and feel so blessed to be a part of it,” she humbly admits. She even taught Miley how to play it on guitar. Blake Shelton, 2012/2013, "Drink on It" & "Mine Would Be You" She shares the depth of hers and Blake’s long-lasting working relationship, collaborations, as well as a testament to his rich humor and generous humanity that all of us hoped was true. Turns out, it is! Lee Brice, 2012, "I Drive Your Truck"         One of the pinnacle works of her career, “I Drive Your Truck” is an anthem to any who have lost loved ones. Though not first penned to honor her mother, Jessi says the great impact of the song came simply because its contents are “so the guts of me and of the other co-writers.” The hurt is real, and the story’s truth of how to love, remember, and connect with those who have passed in the beauty of the mundane speaks to any heart in, any phase of grief.  We celebrate how writing or being creative in any form is such a beautiful and crucial vehicle to process our hardships. “Even in this [pandemic] hardship, music can keep us steady. It’s a refuge.” We hit on the history and huge importance of gutsy, truthful storytelling in country music. We even talk through what the enneagram requires of us (at least for Jessi and I) as doers and storytellers and relational people living life as a 3 in quarantine.  Finally we want to remind ourselves of our responsibility as music lovers to support these committed songwriters and artists during very trying economic times. Go buy their music – not just for your own guaranteed pleasure, but to play your part in sustaining their careers and their families’ income. Where do we find Evan? @jessilalexander www.jessialexandermusic.com Download her new record, Decatur County Red Watch the full film including the real story behind, “I Drive Your Truck”

Well we’re almost through May, but we’re still here. Life is giving us glimpses of normal, but the unknown is still hugely blanketing our lives, our work, our families, and dreams. This week we welcome Jessica Carey, wife, mom, speaker, and author of Chart a Course, which released in late 2019. (Fun Fact: her book hit #1 in New Releases for Religious Studies in the first week on Amazon!) Chart a course offers an empowering look at being intentional with our now and at uncovering God’s plan for our future. The truths and teachings in its pages, while penned before this global pandemic, apply in a myriad of ways to the current anxieties and crisis we’re still facing. In the book and in this episode, Jessica gives tools, tips, and personal testimony on finding courage to follow the dreams that God has written on our hearts. Each of ours is different, but each of us has his divine signature of purpose that is worth find and following. The core steps of her teaching is this: Prepare - There is far more power in God’s purpose and provision than in our own credentials. Don’t question if you have everything you need to get started! If you know a dream is God sent, trust He has the tools, and get ready to set sail.  Plan - Even in trusting God’s plan, it’s important to chart your course. However, do prepare to be rerouted in the midst of the journey. God rarely leads in straight lines. Persevere - Pursue ways to seek God in big storms and small squalls, whether debilitating or just requiring some buckled-down discipline. He is the source to sustain and direct you so you can endure through setbacks.  Praise - Embrace praise and restoration in times of safe harbor, when things are progressing and going well. Also take this time to chart ways you might adjust your trajectory to move farther on the next leg of your journey. In addition to these sage and practical guidelines (which play out much more like changing tides than linear steps), we also talk much about finding peace in the current crisis. How do we practically seek peace when there is so much real anxiety, unanswerable questions, and general unrest? We talk about building a crew in social isolation and the power of being the connector of your community. We talk about the vitality of renewing our minds – what that means biblically and practically. And we find huge relief in the fact that these courses we’re set to chart almost always look more like a bunch of small yeses than one huge turning point.  This season is so hard, whether you’re dreaming big or just trying to hold your home together. Don’t forget the final step in the cycle is praise, in both the big strides or mini-successes. Pour out gratitude to the God who is carrying us, at any and every moment that calls for it, and even in the ones that might not feel like they do. This, sisters, is the oil that keeps the engine running. Happy dreaming! Where to find Jessica: @jess_careyaz JessicaCarey.co @mrsjessicacarey

This girl! Kat Harris has quickly become our favorite Texan gone New Yorker after our chats this week and next. She’s the founder of The Refined Woman and host of The Refined Collective podcast, the vision for both of which is “to equip and empower single women of faith to walk in their worth and navigate their season grounded in freedom, vision, practical tools, and the occasional dance party!” Can we get an “amen!”? This week Kat talks with us about the incredible power we all have simply through intentional prayer. It seems as though God has pressed the ‘pause’ button on the entire planet. Although inconvenient and albeit scary times, it’s also an incredible opportunity to lean in, seek God, and invite His presence into our lives in bigger ways. Often it’s in the unknown that God leads us back to Him. Oswald Chambers says it like this: “We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God.” Many of us are doers, fixers. And in this time when we can’t “do” a lot, the best thing we can do is pray to the One who can do anything. But how do we pray? It’s time we go back to the basics, and learn to pray simply, clearly, and with hope! This week Kat will help us navigate the following topics and tips on how to leverage our power of prayer, both for ourselves and our families, and for the country and globe at large. What does Jesus teach us about prayer? How do we pray in times of crisis? 2 ground rules Jesus lays for prayer 6 steps to pray in the ways of Jesus    

This girl! Kat Harris has quickly become our favorite Texan gone New Yorker after our chats this week and next. She’s the founder of The Refined Woman and host of The Refined Collective podcast, the vision for both of which is: “to equip and empower single women of faith to walk in their worth and navigate their season grounded in freedom, vision, practical tools, and the occasional dance party!” Can we get an “amen!”? This week she’s here to be real with us about being single and quarantined and how that can feel just about as fun as being in solitary confinement. As if dating wasn’t hard enough, now we have to stay at home while we watch all our friends in relationships and with kids posting all sorts of lovey-dovey pics on social media during this time. In other words…it’s lonely. How can we be intentional with this time? How can we put ourselves out there where when we can’t get out there? Is there anything we can do to take advantage of this time? Yes. 100%. There’s no better time to work on ourselves than now. (And we sure do have the time for it!). This week’s guest shares with us some of the biggest lessons and take-away’s from the crazy, Netflix reality show that has taken the world by storm: Love is Blind. If people on Love is Blind can fall in love without seeing a person, there may just be a thing or two we can learn from their experience!   Check out this week’s episode to learn: 3 strategies from Love is Blind that will transform your dating life 6 Lessons we can learn from the Love is Blind cast  3 Questions to ask yourself in this time before you get out there  Is love really blind? We don’t know. But we sure are going to keep readying ourselves for it!

With two guaranteed weeks of quarantine left, I know we’ve got some moms feeling absolutely out of control out there! Whether you’re still working or not, you’ve now become the lunch lady, the dry cleaners, the entertainer, and the teacher all at the same time, with no breaks or activities outside your home. We know y’all need some support! This week on the podcast, we have Rachel Van Kluyve, founder of Crate & Cottage, as well as an author, interior designer, real estate professional and full-time mom. Unlike most of us, however, she’s well accustomed to having her two boys around as she’s homeschooled them both for the past five years. Here’s a few tips from the pro on how to keep your kids learning at home: Give yourself much grace! There is power in structure. A lot of kids need to do their work quickly and early in the morning. If academics feel overwhelming, take this time to teach them life skills instead. And bottom line: what do you want them to remember most from this time? Focus on that!  She also admits what we are all so thankful is true and acceptable in this season:  “Most days find you in messy bun and yoga pants.” Rachel gets honest with us not just about her messy hair, but also about her messy prayers over her long-battled anxiety and how she lost a lot of herself in her early years of motherhood, a struggle we know many moms are facing during this time of social isolation. “I lost myself in motherhood. All I wanted to be my whole life was a mom, and then I became one, and it threw me in a tailspin.” Enter her now hugely successful business, Crate & Cottage. What started as a creative outlet to find herself and her value again became not just a saving grace but a full-on career in design, writing, and encouraging women.  There is incredible power in doing something consistently for yourself as a vehicle to combat anxiety, for making yourself a priority for just an hour. “There’s no wrong way to find your way back to who you are,” she tells us. “I like design because you can control your space, your home. It’s one of the few things you really can control.” For all of you who need this encouragement and more, listen to this week’s full episode, follow Rachel @crateandcottage, and make sure to order her new book, She Made Herself a Home: Practical guide to design, organize, and give purpose to your space.

This weekend ushers in the most holy day of the Christian faith. A day that this year, because of the pandemic we’re facing, will look different than it has ever and will ever look again in our lifetimes. So we’re putting it all out there. How is Easter going to look in isolation? How do we keep this pinnacle day of the resurrection special and sacred and set apart? How do we encourage individuals who may not be able to be with family this year, and how do we include our children in Easter Sunday activities and worship? Can this anxious and uncertain global context in which Easter falls this year stir our hearts more deeply than it would if business were as usual?  We believe God is working big time in all these questions, as well as the millions more we may be asking this year. We believe in the right-now power of divine disruption and in the potential that chaos can have as a catalyst for good. This week’s She’s in the City guest says it best:  “I don’t think God is surprised by any of this. I think He’s trying desperately to get the attention of his people.” The truth is some of us are frustrated and disheartened that COVID seems to have hijacked Easter. Some of us are relieved because we’ve never felt welcomed or at home in a pew or a church but desperately feel like we need what Jesus offers. Some of us might feel unaffected altogether. But here’s what we’re praying and what we see as a uniquely strange yet sweet gift this Easter season: In giving up the place of the church – the band, the clothes, the social gatherings and events – is God giving us space to turn all of our unhindered, undistracted attention onto the person of Jesus? When all the happenings and traditions are stripped away, will we still get up and will we still worship? And when we do, how do we do it?  Undoubtedly our two most important tools for “iso-Easter” are creativity and prayer. This year we have a chance to make Easter more fun for our kids than coloring silently for an hour in a pew, wearing an uncomfortable outfit. This week’s episode shares lots of creative ideas and suggestions for individuals and families alike to keep Easter both reverent and fun! Try everything from to doing communion together or reading the powerful passage in John 17 (Jesus’s last, intentional prayer for us) to writing scriptures around your neighborhood in sidewalk chalk and many more as you embrace this year’s Easter at home. Above all else we are striving to embrace the extra time this weekend and use it to step into the shoes of the confused and afraid disciples, who also found themselves isolated and longing for hope two thousand years ago. We want to see the whole story through their eyes, not just on Resurrection Sunday, but on the dark days before it spent hiding and waiting for a resurrection they could only hope would come. We pray this weekend will remind us that even as we wait in this global crisis, there is undoubtedly a Sunday coming for us in this pandemic, in God’s hands. Happy Easter, everyone! A few resources from Brooke (mentioned in episode): Download COVID worksheets for kids here. Follow the Curry family’s worship @homeandhallelujah